#Friend advice

[femmefatalevibe]

25 Life Lessons I've Learned In 25 Years

In honor of turning 25 this month, here are some lessons I wish someone could've baked into my brain by 18. Hope this helps xx

Putting yourself first is not selfish, it is an act of self-care. Actively discounting others is not the same as protecting your peace.

Pay attention to who gossips and keeps to themselves amidst an interpersonal conflict. Insecure people or those in the wrong will speak the loudest and go on the longest in a fight to prove their innocence. Individuals who are self-assured and comfortable with the truth know it's better to communicate their feelings appropriately and then move past it. Confidence is assertive, tactful, and relatively silent.

If you want to know who to believe in an argument, pay attention to how both sides speak about the conflict. The perpetrator will often speak about the individuals' character/morality while the victim will explain their personal experience in the context of the relevant situation.

Display empathy and consideration, but don't live to satisfy others' emotional needs and expectations. Say farewell to anyone who dismisses or guilts you for your own needs, emotions, priorities/life goals & aspirations.

Your needs matter. No one needs to approve or validate your desires. If someone feels they have control over you or tries to persuade you to change your mind to ensure you put their emotions and needs first, cut them out of your life. They do not care about you.

Almost no one deserves insider access into your life and mind. Upholding your right to privacy – especially regarding your finances, dating life, health conditions/concerns, and long-term goals – is the simplest way to protect your peace.

A friend to all is a friend to none. Be wary of those who will not stand up for you behind closed doors. These people do not care about you, they care about what your place in their life does for them and their ego.

Be radically honest and accepting of who you are. Don't apologize for your preferences, aspirations, and values. You deserve to live in a way that makes you happy, not to appease others in hopes of their approval or future favors due to your karmic good deeds.

You deserve happiness, love, and nice things, life experiences, relationships, and opportunities in your life regardless of what others may or may not possess/ be able to experience. Dispel this scarcity mindset ASAP. Jealousy and internalized shame are destructive to your self-esteem and all your relationships.

You are worthy and offer many incredible, unique gifts to the world. Don't allow naysayers, critics, or bullies (of any age) to dim your light or sacrifice pursuing your dreams. Decide you're the leader of your own life. Then act accordingly.

Direct communication is always the way. Remain tactful, but at least when dealing with non-manipulative people, always say what you mean and mean what you say. It will save a lot of trouble and petty disagreements that could've been avoided with clearer communication.

You don't owe anyone an explanation for your feelings, emotions, and actions that don't have a direct, inescapable impact on someone else. "No" is a complete sentence.

Approach conversations as a meeting of the minds. Healthy debate or conflict is about seeking to understand the other person, not prove yourself right. Leaving your ego at the door will allow you to expand your mind and avoid many unnecessary conflicts or arguments.

If it's not a hell yes, it's a no. For a job, date, sex, attendance at a time-sucking social event, family gatherings, an informal meeting not essential for you to keep your job, a wedding, birthday party, holiday invitation, etc. Outside of your contracted hours and time necessary to keep yourself/your home clean & well-maintained, you should spend your time exactly as you please. Doing things you don't want to do will only breed resentment down the line toward yourself and others.

Detangle yourself from any who refuses to self-reflect and take accountability. This person is selfish and will never see you as fully human with emotions, needs, and a complete life/internal world of your own. Cut them out (or at least fully emotionally detach and limit contact with them) immediately.

Speak your truth, but always say a little less than you feel necessary. Overexplaning and oversharing do you no favors. At a minimum, this approach allows you to protect your peace. In the worst circumstances, this tactic can also save you from a lot of trouble in your personal or professional life.

Learn to ask for a little more than you're comfortable with, but do so with grace, tact, and confidence. Whether it's a salary/rate negotiation, flight/hotel/restaurant accommodations, get in the habit of making that slightly higher/up-leveled request like you're expecting a "yes." You can't get something you don't ask for, so speak up and show you know your worth. This habit can bring a lot of great opportunity into your life and builds up your confidence.

Everyone is on their own timeline and path. Don't compare yourself to others' credentials, job titles, relationship status, net worths, or jean sizes. Comparison is truly the thief of joy. Remaining envious of others only takes up the energy that could otherwise be used to elevate or enrich your life.

Become clear on your priorities, and remain diligent with your habits & routines. Set SMART goals. Implement healthy habits and rituals into your daily lifestyle. Be consistent with goal-supporting and wellness rituals (generous sleep schedule, healthful eating habits, daily movement/regular exercise, reading, task time-blocking, cleaning, and life/work admin schedule), so they become second nature. Help yourself by creating these default habits to ensure your brain is wired for success whether you're in an easygoing era or a stressful life season.

Stop seeing other people (especially other women) as your competition in your profession/dating life and within your platonic relationships. Use your immediate criticisms as a tool for self-reflection. Actively deconstruct the patriarchy in every aspect of your life. Other women coworkers, dating prospects, and friends are not your rivals nor individuals who should be evaluated based on their assertiveness, sexual history/appeal, relationship status, or desire to perform traditional maternal/domestic roles.

Understanding how to interact with others in a cordial, tactful manner is significantly more important than having everyone like you. Learn how to positively influence people without seeking approval. What other people think of us is none of our business. All we can do is show up as the best version of ourselves, and remain optimistic about a potential connection.

Acceptance, accountability, and consistent discipline are the holy trinity to creating a sustainable change that you can maintain for the long haul. There's no shame in starting from the bottom, but you need to be honest about where you're at, so you can create a realistic game plan/small behavior-changing habits that stack up over time to help you implement the radical change you're craving.

Let go of any internalized shame. Being the "good girl" does you no favors in life. Set a standard and expectation to be respected, not to be perceived as "innocent" or submissive – this is how you get taken advantage of in professional, platonic, and intimate relationships. Remain ravenous for respect. It's the only way to live life to the fullest.

24. Investing in your appearance is a form of self-respect. Wanting to look & feel your best and present yourself in the best light possible to others is not a superficial pursuit. Remain unwavering about your hygiene/beauty/grooming routines, deliberate styling choices, healthy eating & workout habits, and mindfulness of social graces. You're your #1 publicist, so act like it. Life is all about embracing satisfaction with a sprinkle of reputation management.

25. Be unapologetic about your financial ambitions, priorities, investments, savings goals, etc. Financial freedom IS freedom. The only way to change the system is to break it from the inside out. Leverage is everything. Allocate, and assert your (financial) power wisely.

#life lessons #life advice #girl advice #glow up era #quarter life crisis #femme fatale #dark feminine energy #dark femininity #it girl #healthy habits #self concept #career advice #friend advice #dating advice #fashion advice #beauty and wellness #high value woman #the feminine urge #female excellence #dream girl #queen energy #female power #feminine energy #women's rights #women's empowerment #feminism #intersectional feminism #womanhood #self love #femmefatalevibe

[thatbadadvice]

Dear Advisor,

I (M 21) have formed a tight-knit friend group in college. Yay! My closest college friends are the members of my ttrpg group, who we’ll call A, B, C, D, and E. A (F 21) and B (NB 22) have been dating for the whole time I’ve known them, about a year. Last year, A, B, and C lived in the same residence hall and were rarely apart. Now that B has graduated, the plan next year is for A and D to be roommates while C, E, and I live in a similar residence hall. I expect to see a lot of B, who plans to find a job and apartment in this town.

B is my friend, so this is *almost* fine. Except that while I like A, and I like B, it is painful to hang out with both of them at the same time. B is a fairly jealous person, and they get very upset and mean when A hangs out with friends without including them. When we get lunch together and the topic turns to an interest of A’s that B does not share, B usually ends up monologuing about how much they dislike the interest. These monologues often turn into teardowns of A as a person that the rest of us awkwardly sit through. A and B have a lot of their fights in public, and they’re mean to each other.

At this point, I’ve seen enough meanness that I don’t consider B a close friend anymore, and I’m wavering on A. I like both of them, but the way they’re willing to treat each other in public, especially the way B treats A, throws up a lot of red flags.

Any good options? I’m worried that if I tell A that I don’t like how B treats her, it’ll torpedo my friendships with both of them. C is A’s best friend, E is B’s best friend, and D is about to be A’s roommate, so it’s not like I can avoid either of them. And I do still like them, especially A. When it’s just the two of us, A is a good friend.

What do I do? I’m tempted to bring it up to our other friends, but I don’t like talking behind people’s backs.

Readers sometimes send Bad Advisor their real-ass questions to answer, so the Bad Advisor is periodically going to try her hand at answering them. If you’d like to submit a question for a Good Advice Interlude, use the “ask” form!

What a surprise it is, going on a decade-plus of Bad Advice, to finally have some TTRPG drama on the blog! ("Table-top role-playing games," for the uninitiated.) The Bad Advisor is all too familiar with the Darth Partner/Missing Stair dynamic (h/t Captain Awkward, the Pervocracy) in TTRPG scenarios and it's a real goddamned bummer, because you can mostly scoot away from the DP/MS at a party but when you're stuck at the gaming table with them, woof.

My first inclination, as an old-ass gamer lady, was to simply tell you that B will probably just move the fuck on from your group now that they're graduated and doing non-college things, but that doesn't help you in the moment, and they might not, and frankly DP/MS folks will show up for your entire fucking life if you're a game-type person in many and various modes, and it's good to figure out how you're going to handle them now and get some practice in with not tolerating nonsense in your circle. I'm gonna use some elaborate/belabored RPG metaphors in this response and want to emphasize that it doesn't mean your life is a game! (I also believe TTRPG life is real life, because it's my real life, too!) But you've given me a delightful tableau within which to work.

Your instincts for not just straight-up shit-talking and gossiping about A and B's deal are correct! You will never be able to keep those conversations totally private (nothing that starts in the TTRPG side-chat ever stays in the TTRPG side-chat), and for both A and B, it will suck to inevitably find out that their buds were engaged in such conversations. Is it possible you could safely feel out the other members of the group on the A/B relationship dynamic, as a fact-finding, temperature-taking mission? MAYBE. But it's a very risky maybe IMO, and if you don't love the dynamic, I don't necessarily think you need side-chat validation on this point. You have information the other players may or may not have; you are entitled to act upon it. I think we dispense with C, D, and E. You aren't them, and you can't control what they do or say or feel, and they aren't asking me for advice. But you can model behavior and steer your party!

So. What are you gonna do?

You start by describing B as a friend, but waffle on that some -- you've become less close because you dislike B's treatment of/behavior around A, which is fair! You're allowed to decide, with new information about how B behaves in particular situations, that you don't really like parts of a person, or maybe even that person at all! You don't have to set the whole motherfucker on fire to make your feelings known in a thoughtful, polite, and even kind way; if somebody else (B) blows that shit up, it's on them! They are a whole other person who will act a way in a game/life that you cannot control; the only thing you need to feel good about at the end of your turn is that you did something that was true to you/your character. Because for real, if there's one thing I know about people, it's that telling people to do a thing because you want them to do a thing (such as: "Y'all are miserable and you should split up!") will almost always result in the told-parties doubling down on the opposite of what the telling-party wants them to do. (This is what I do to torture my folks when I am the dungeon-master, because it is what people do!)

Assuming we're talking about garden variety shitty relationship behavior (which is what I think you've described here) and not full-scale abuse in public, I think you have a number of options depending on the situation. I don't mean to suggest that you should accommodate bad behavior; you already know that feels crappy and sows discord and confusion because you're doing it, now, by trying to side-step around the ick. You gotta choose your move depending on where you are on the board.

The next time A and B get into it in front of everybody (during a game, or at the bar, or the coffee shop, or the student union, or wherever), you pretend-roll a charisma check and imagine you got a 15+ and they rolled a combined 3 (because they have??? nobody likes this!!!!), and you say something to this effect: "Hey, A and B? These vibes are not great, can we table this tiff until later?" Repeat as needed! Passive voice/vague antecedents are great in these kinds of situations: "Can folks not get into this right now?"/"Moving on! Let's focus on XYZ!"/"Feels like we're getting off track — can we do ABC instead?"/"Wow! That's kind of awkward and private! Let's not do that here!" If it helps, imagine B is the obnoxious NPC you need to get the bare minimum of compliance out of to continue the game of not blowing up the entire situation. You already have a good bead on what people do when they feel attacked, because you're literally playing games wherein that make-believe happens! People fight back and get defensive! It's a bad scene!

Other people's bad relationships are theirs to solve, so you can treat interactions regarding those relationships as open-ended puzzle games that are not for you to finish. You are the Oracle, not the puzzlemaster. If you get A or B on their own in a safe space where you're not rushed to get somewhere or hungry or otherwise pissy or wanting, why not ask: How does it feel when A/B does that? What would you like to see happen instead when Bad interaction happens? What might you do about that irritating/annoying/weird thing A/B does? Despite what I said in the prior bullet points, your friends are not NPCs, and of course you know this or you wouldn't be asking — they are the main characters in their own lives, and you can neither save nor sink them.

It might be that A and B stay in this weird bad relationship! If it continues to cause bad vibes at the game nights/within your circle, I think you're well within your rights to say, either to one or both of them if they haven't gotten previous messages: "Hey, I like you both, I want to keep doing XYZ fun things with y'all, but this dynamic is actually really, legitimately killing the vibe, because I don't get to see the fun part where y'all make up and feel good about everything, I only see the bad arguing parts and it's just a real downer!" Don't let them off the hook about this! Stand your ground when they come back with "Oh, we're just joking" or "Ah, well, that's just how we are." Okay, they're joking and that's how they are, but it SUCKS TO BE AROUND and if it's not a big deal, they can cut that shit out!

The whole deal blows, and you're in a sorry position to have to navigate it. It just absolutely is a shit situation to have a friend-group whose dynamic is messed up in this way. But you're asking because your interest is in maintaining a collective good-feeling, and I can promise you that skipping the missing stair of A and B's bad vibes (and maybe specifically B's behavior) will absolutely in the long-term result in the precise kind of bad-feeling you're trying to avoid by skating past it today. Resentment, distrust, annoyance, back-channeling — all of the things we build and do to avoid being emotionally honest with people who care about because we think it'll hurt less in the moment, or get better later, or just change, somehow — are also 10000000% guaranteed ways to push us farther apart from the people we love, rather than keep us close and friendly.

Your people will always be your people. You have a wonderful and beloved friend group, and you will lose and add members of your party throughout your life, but you will never lose any people who were supposed to be your people if you commit to being kindly forthright while modeling your needs, boundaries, and appreciations for them. This isn't a skill you pick up once and do automatically forever; it takes work and commitment throughout your life and it's fucking annoying and awkward and so, so worth it.

#ttrpg #dnd #advice #bad advice #reader submission #college #college friends #friend advice #boundaries #awkward conversations #we've all been there

[rrelationshipadvice]

Apologies if this isn't the right place for this, but does anyone have any advice on how to make friends? I'm a 19yr old college student, and I'm pretty sure I have autism, I think I have some social anxiety and depression as well. However, nothing officially diagnosed.

Anyways, we're just over five months into classes. I spend most evenings in my room playing video games (nothing to really do here + no license + no one to hang out with), and my mental health is kind of starting to take a downturn. Everyone already has their established kind of friend groups, so I feel anxious just trying to insert myself. I had a friend, but they were just back to finish some last few classes and are gone now. It's so bad I have trouble leaving my room when my roommates are around (I heard them talking about me behind my back at least once).

Apologies for the tangent. Anyways, anyone got any advice as to how a 19-yr-old wreck of a college student can make friends after everybody already "picked" their friends so to say?

.

#advice #relationship advice #friend advice #wholesome

[impala1967dwinchester]

Dean Winchester: Tough Act

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Platonic!Teen Reader

Pov: Reader

Warnings: Anger Issues, damsel in distress archetype, Dean being supportive, hugs, advice from someone older, teen reader, easy target, copying Dean's actions and his attitude, Reader is a Nephilim.

Summary: Tried of being the easy target Y/n takes on some of Dean's more rage endured attributes.

Word Count: 1.7k

A/n- firefly-graphics for dividers

Main Master // Dean Winchester Master List // Requests Master List

The Winchester brothers tend to make some people feel smaller than them. Maybe that's simply because they're bigger than life, and dealt with everything that chuck has decided that they need to deal with.

Long before Jack was brought around the bunker it was me. The first Nephilim that the Winchester had ever met. I was constantly told to be in the back. To stay away from the danger, rather than being able to stay and fight I was forced to stay in the back seat of the Impala.

When I was with Dean and Sam it usually ended with the two of them having to save me. Save me like I was some damsel in distress. According to almost every monster that I got caught by I was "The rarest of types" and "The best to add to their collection."

Just like that, I was forced to be saved by Dean and Sam. I was too soft and was always forgetting where I was, and what I was trying to do. It caused me to have to be saved by Dean, or Sam. Tall lumberjacks trying to come and save me from monsters that were more into figuring out how to use me to reach the top of their social ladder.

"When we tell you to stay in the car we mean it, Y/n," Dean yelled at me from the front seat of the car. I rolled my eyes biting my tongue from saying anything. Being a young adult made things harder to try and get around. I was nearly half the age of Dean and Sam, so there was some disconnect, but they were the only examples I had in my life. I had only had them in my life for the past few years.

I wondered why Dean never saw it coming.

"Dean, let it go. At least we got her out safely." I heard Sam whisper to his older brother. But regardless of Sam's words, or his soft eyes looking back at me through the rearview mirror. The anger was boiling up. I was tired of being treated like a princess, like a beautiful set of very breakable china in a store. I wanted to just be a hunter with Dean and Sam.

I was mostly just tired of the way my life was leading. I was tired of being saved, tired of getting yelled at by an over-protective Dean. I was tired of getting looks from Sam that were always so pitiful.

"No, I'm serious Sam. This has to stop, when we tell her to stay at the bunker or stay in the damn car she just needs to listen." More yelling from Dean as he talked about me like I was wasn't even there.

"I mean for real it's as if she wants to get hurt every single goddamn time. Like she wants to be saved. Like she's some damsel in fucking distress Sam." With a frustrated sigh, I looked up into the rearview mirror.

"You do know I'm here right?" Anger was starting to boil over, a tipping point of no return. "I'm right fucking here Dean. You don't get to be a dick all the damn time just because. And Sam you don't help at all. You're just… you I'm not fragile. I can fight for myself." I rambled on. Wide eyes looked on, whether it was from the cursing or simply because I was right I won't ever know.

From that point on I decided that the only way to not be a loose link between the three of us was to become more like Dean. Dean was calloused, and strong, shot first then ask questions. He didn't take a shit and I really never saw him get caught off guard by anything.

The next hunt. It was vampires, something that took skill and a strong person to deal with. I had been doing some work on my ability to stay focused on the plan at hand. Dean wasn't going to bring me along with him and Sam. As always Sam was a loving person and convinced him that they would need me regardless.

I listened to the plan. Then followed through. Splitting off to make sure that we were able to corral them into a more manageable area. I worked hard and fast, beheading vampires as I went along. Not caring, blood splattered across my face. I moved forward with a hot rage behind my movements.

When I finally managed to get to the center of the old ran-down barn that they were using as a nest. Dean and Sam were there, looking identical to me. Blood across their faces, and weapons. Sam gave me a small nod seeing that I had made it through my section. "Oh look she made it through," Dean said, a little too rough and loud.

I wasn't trying to gain anyone's respect… well maybe I wasn't. I'm honestly not sure anymore. I just wanted to prove myself to Dean that I was strong and just as capable as either one of them was.

So I took the chance. Sam had gotten the last two vamps tied up. We just wanted information on where they were hiding the partners of the deceased we had looked at in the morgue.

Trying to get information out of these assholes was trying to pull teeth. It was like watching paint dry, and I was getting more and more frustrated with how neither Sam nor Dean was making the process go any faster.

I took my chance here.

While Sam and Dean were talking about how to make 'the vamps talk' I moved in front of the half dead, and half-alive vamps. They were the scum below the king of hell, nasty horrible monsters. With my knife in hand, I went up to vamp. "How about this. When those two come back they're not gonna be nice, but if you tell me where the girlfriends are I'll let you go right now." offering a deal that had a death date they didn't know about.

"What makes you think we believe that you'll let us go." The vamp spits out into my face. I swallowed my pride and anger. "Because I'm not the Winchesters." Confidently the two started to rip out names. Once they were done with the long list of names, and locations they looked up at me with eager eyes of being able to make it out alive.

"Hey what are you doing so fuckin' close to them Y/n." I heard Dean yell in front of the doorway. "Oh, nothing." With that, I lived through each other heads. Mouths move as they hit the ground with a loud thud. I left to shocked men in the barn and walked out of the car. Grabbing onto the map.

"What the fuck was that?" another loud yelling moment from Dean. "Oh shut it, Dean. They told me where the girls are we don't need them after that right? Or would you rather play with your food some more?" I questioned him.

It was still after the incident there with the vampires and a few more incidents that the importance of my own life was starting to fly through the door. I was turning into Dean, a true killer. One with a solid plan, but with nothing afterward. I was becoming different, so I half excepted Sam to be the one to knock on my bedroom door in the bunker.

But when opened the door it was Dean. Slumped shoulders and a little bit of sadness written on his face. "What do you need, Dean?" Keeping my words curt.

He sighed heavily and looked into my room. "Why don't you just come in instead of peering in." I offered. The silence between Dean, I, and the walls were growing on me. causing me to freak out more. A quiet Dean was scarier than anything.

"Hey Kiddo, I think we need to talk about something." Kiddo that was new. I thought as I sat on the edge of my bed, and Dean stood akwardly in the middle of my room. "Go sit down you're giving me the fuckin' creeps," I mumbled. Talk about what? I thought to myself.

"So what are you here to talk about? I haven't been annoying you guys with having to save me recently. Tired of not being able to yell at me?"Attitude thick between my words. Dean's face didn't change, not anger fluttered passed.

"I've noticed that, but it was never annoying. I was… I was just worried about your safety that was all that was ever about Y/n." Dean said softly into the thick air between the two of us. "I think and so does Sam that maybe you've become too calloused. You aren't being very respectful of your own life anymore." Dean continued on. "respectful of my life?" I repeated back to Dean.

"Let me rephrase. You're starting to act a litt… a lot like me. It's worrisome to both of us. You're starting to do things without any real evidence for doing so, shooting first and then asking questions. You must know that doesn't work Kiddo." Dean said looking at me.

"You do that all the time though Dean. I was tired of being treated as if I were a delicate flower. I was tired of getting yelled at by you. I just want to help and this way it works. I just do the damn hunt, and we save the people we're supposed to save." I said with a mumbled breath.

Dean got up quickly moving to sit next to me on the edge of the bed. "Y/n that's not the right way. I shouldn't have yelled, I'm not good with the whole parenting and protecting thing. I just wanted to make sure you were safe, but I never… we never showed you how to protect yourself. I'm sorry that you thought that the only way you saw through did t become more like me." Dean apologized, opening his arms up to a hug.

There were tears brimming at the edges of my lashes. I fell into the hug, the relief of knowing that I didn't have to act like this anymore. Felt like elephants had just been lifted off my shoulders. "It's okay Y/n. We can work through this. We promise we won't treat like you can't do the job, I promise to be better and teach you." Dean said hugging me harder.

Completed on: 03/21/2023

Posted on: 03/21/2023

Deanie Beanie Girls: @kazsrm67 @deanswaywardgirl @ijustlearnedtolove-beep-bop-boop @mrspeacem1nusone @dilfloverr @akshi8278 @fofisstilinski @band--psycho @wonderfulworldofwinchester @doctorlilo @flamencodiva @samsgirl93 @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27 @fanfic-n-tabulous @silverose365 @winchestersbitch-dm @alexxavicry @gabrielasilva1510

#dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester #dean winchester x platonic reader #supernatural x reader #supernatural fic #supernatualfluff #supernatural fanfiction #fem reader #supernatural one shot #supernatural imagine #supernatural #dean winchester angst #little bit of angst #some advice #friend advice

[mycptsdstory]

Truth!!! I had friends who turned on me for no reason. I see them, I know they hated me from day one.

#toxic friends #friendship #friendship advice #friends advice #friend advice #im done #fake friendships #fake friendship #fake friend #fake friends #meme #memes #cptsd meme #cptsd memes #ptsd meme #ptsd memes #friendship meme #friends meme #friend meme #friendship memes #friends memes #friend memes #cptsd

[sweetbunnytears]

my friend was telling me about a dress she got for an event we're going to together. then she said "OMG i'm gonna look SO much better than you!!" like excuse me??? she didn't even say it in a teasing way...

#kawaii #pink #aesthetic #cute #girly #onegai my melody #pink txt #txt post #txt #pink text #text post #text #sanrio #my melody #hello kitty #advice #friend advice #rant #vent

[chrysalismandtea]

the fact that friendships change and sometimes you can’t stop them from changing and you never know what is going to happen next or when they’re going to end. just. why do we have to go through this in life. isn’t everything else hard enough already

#friends #friendship #friend advice #friendblogging #friend dynamics #friend group #friend issues #friend posting #friend problems #friend quotes #friend things #friends are family #friends are hard #friends are the best #struggling #struggle #the strugge is real #ace spectrum #lgbtq #lgbtqiia+ #friendships #friendships are hard #friendshipbond #friendship dynamics #friendship issues #friendship is hard #friendshipjourney #friendship problems #friendship quotes #friendship vent

[omgeeobsessed]

Perhaps some events needed to unfold so you can get more clarity of what you do want and what you can’t tolerate.

#friend advice #girl talk #tough love

[your-heart-is-a-treasure]

A wise man once gave advice and said: “O my son, you should avoid making friends with a fool because he may intend to benefit you but may harm you; you should avoid making friends with a miser because he will run away from you when you need him most; you should avoid making friends with a sinful person because he will sell you for nought; and you should avoid making friends with a liar because he is like a mirage, making you feel far things near and near things far.”

#life quotes #life advice #be wise #wisdom quotes #spiritual wisdom #life reminders #islamic reminders #welcome to islam #deen #wise words #spiritual quotes #famous quotes #inspiring words #word of advice #choose your friends wisely #life choices #bad friends #friend advice #advice to live by #life lessons #how to live #humanity quotes #choose wisely #bad company #good company #inspiring quotes #deep post #morals and ethics #bad apple #real thoughts

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Playbook: How To Be More Charming & Charismatic

Learn To Be Comfortable In Your Own Skin: Confidence and self-awareness are two of the most magnetic traits someone can possess. Accept yourself for who you are. Don't feel ashamed of your personality, quirks, values, passions, etc. Uniqueness makes the world go round. Accepting that we're all different vs. superior/inferior to others is an important life lesson that draws others to you and makes them excited to connect with you.

Remain Interested To Become Interesting: Listen more than you speak. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Keep (a reasonable, non-staring amount of) eye contact. Nod and smile to acknowledge that you're actively listening to the other person as they're speaking. Ask follow-up questions. Keep your mind and questions open-ended. Become fascinated with what makes other people tick.

Learn To Speak Your Truth Without Providing Unsolicited Advice: Blindly agreeing to everything someone says sounds disingenuous and makes you appear untrustworthy. Accept that a healthy person will respect your individuality, honesty, and having your own opinions based on your personal life experiences. However, there's a difference between having an incompatible view and forcing your values or desire onto another person. If someone wants your opinion, they're likely to ask you directly for advice on a situation. If you feel the need to chime in, ask for the green light before stating your take on a situation (outside of emergencies or dangerous situations, of course).

Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously: Embrace your sense of humor (appropriately). Be playful. Operating like an emotionless robot is off-putting and makes everyone feel uncomfortable (including yourself). A subtle joke or clever comment can break the ice and relieve any social tension.

Remember Small Details; Initiate Thoughtful Follow-Ups: People feel seen and heard when you remember small details about what they say – their likes, dislikes, plans for the rest of the week, a big project at work, something going on with their family, friends, pets, etc. Actively listening to your conversation partners will allow you to remember the small details about those you speak with and makes others feel more appreciated by/connected to you. Asking how someone's trip to that new city, a casual review of a hot new local restaurant, the status of a work project, or surface-level personal matter will make you memorable and, therefore, more charming and charismatic.

#art of seduction #seducteurs #charmer #charismatic #social skills #networking #socializing #making friends #friend advice #it girl #femme fatale #dark femininity #dark feminine energy #high value mindset #high value woman #female excellence #dream girl #queen energy #loa success #level up #glow up #femmefatalevibe #higher self #self confidence #self concept #the feminine urge #girl blogging #girl advice #life advice #life lessons

[capn-o-my-soul]

can someone pls help me determine whether or not i accidentally mansplained to someone

(long ass post)

<head>

ok so im going to give quite an excessive amount of detail here but i feel like it is necessary because i think i might have mansplained to one of my only friends today and i feel really bad about it.

(btw im (a senior) in high school)

also my friend Anon mentioned in this post is not male.

also also i don't think i ordinarily exhibit traits of toxic masculinity or even masculinity (i've been told i could tell people i was a girl and they'd believe me if i changed my outfits a little bit)

</head>

<exposition>

so the marching band season started last week and basically that means we are learning how to march football game halftime shows for 11 hours a day for 5 days a week in the middle of summer.

in the morning we work on marching technique as well as setting the formations (the big shapes and patterns made of people) and in the afternoons we work on music (and a little more marching fundamentals), separated by an hour's lunch

today was especially hot (irrelevant)

</exposition>

<body>

so today i came inside the school after the morning practice and put my stuff down in the trumpet room (each section puts their stuff in a classroom) and then i washed the sunscreen off of me and went to sit down with my friend Anon for lunch (i don't normally eat lunch but i still like to sit with them while they eat lunch)

and so Anon was eating lunch and we were talking and then Anon sees one of their friends (who is in the color guard (the people with the fun flags and (fake) rifles)) and was like "HI [name]!!!" and Anon's friend came over and was like y'know talking and stuff like a normal person might.

<irrelevant section>

the color guard at my school does marching outside with the band during the morning then has a four hour break then comes back in the evening to work on flag twirling technique

so Anon's friend was on their four-hour break which starts at the same time as my lunch

</irrelevant section>

so Anon's friend came over (i'm in a computer science club with them (them as in Anon's friend) so i've spoken to them a couple times) and i was like "hi" and then Anon asked what Anon's friend was up to. Anon's friend said that they were studying for the upcoming August SAT (which i am also in the process of studying for) and i said "omg im working on that too!" and they were like "omg cool yeah i'm trying really hard to get a good score on this one because i DO NOT want to have to have it hanging over my head until the october SAT" (the october SAT is the only one after august until december and college applications are due in between november and january)

<relevant side note section>

my school makes all sophomores and juniors take the PSAT for free on one day in october. on the same day, seniors optionally take the SAT for free.

additionally, there is another date that the SAT is offered (not for free and not by my school) that is also in october

</relevant side note section>

and then Anon was like "yeah i'm not doing early action or early decision or anything so i'm probably going to take some extra time to study up for the october SAT"

[here's where i think i went wrong]

then i asked Anon "are you taking the free SAT at our school or are you taking the other one?"

then they seemed a little bit confused which to me seemed to indicate that they weren't aware of the one offered by our school.

then i said "the one offered by our school as in the one on that one day in october each year where all the sophomores and juniors take the PSAT and the seniors take the SAT for free"

and they seemed to hesitate a little bit before resuming the normal pace of conversation (which could have been my imagination as i was exhausted) which to me seemed to indicate that i did something wrong

at this point i don't even recall the rest of the conversation or even the rest of lunch for the most part because i was thinking about this the whole time.

(Anon didn't seem upset or anything and there was no perceptible change in the mood)

</body>

so what do you guys think

did i mansplain to them

thank you for your time and as a reward for reading this whole thing i shall grant thee a silly, low-quality picture of my cat

#advice #morals #mansplaining #patriarchy #196 #yes i put the 196 there because i want people to see it because nobody would probably see this otherwise #friend advice #relationship #relationships

[rrelationshipadvice]

my partner may or may not have died/been assimilated. they were the host of a system. i dropped them off to meet someone for a few days, and when i picked them up a completely new host was in charge. as far as the new host knows, the old one is completely gone. at this point, they still don't know if they have feelings for me anymore, but all signs are pointing to no. we still live together, and the new host still likes my company, but i dont know what to do. how do i deal with losing someone so close to me and having them replaced with someone else?

.

#advice #friend advice

[paddockbunny]

Guys this is a personal question because I need advice.

Right, so, I’ve been struggling with friendships recently and right when I feel like the drama with one set of friends, drama starts with another.

This time I’m basically wondering what to do with friends who don’t text you back and completely ignore you. I made plans with two friends for the up coming week (which to actually do I have to take days off for because of my schedule - being self employed etc) and when I’ve been trying to firm up the plans eg. “Shall we book the restaurant for lunch incase they don’t have space for walk-ins” and “let’s book that Pilates class before spaces fill up” both of them go silent on me. I’ve given them DAYS to reply and nothing. They’re on social media all this time so 🤷🏼‍♀️

My question is, do I persist or do I just not bother with it? I feel like on one hand I don’t want to loose friends but on the other I can’t stand wishywashy people who don’t see how not giving a simple reply is rude

#friend advice #someone help please #advice

[yourthoughtsreallymatter]

Hi! I'm so glad I saw your blog. I've been really needing to talk about this lately but I've lacked an outlet to do so. It just feels good to get some of it out. (sorry in advance for the ramble to follow)

One of my very close friends, whom I've known for years, recently mentioned in passing that she'd gone off her depression medication. I had been speculating that she had for about a month. (it's worth noting here that when it came up she was talking about how she had no more issues with mental health etc at this point, which caught me off guard) It's ultimately none of my business and no big deal, other than that her behavior has been different enough to the point where I noticed a change. Not big, just less energized, enthusiastic, and honestly a little mean? I never doubted her decision, but the subtle changes have made me feel things about our friendship that I never have before.

I'm very sensitive, although I often don't have the luxury of feeling things fully/won't let myself until I trust someone, like the way I trust my friend. These subtle changes have made me feel awful in some ways. It makes me remember my middle/elementary school friendships and how I felt like an accessory to other girls. I didn't feel real. I thought that if I wore the wrong thing or said something they didn't agree with that no one would want to be my friend anymore. I've yet to fully process how much those experiences hurt me, but this is starting to bring a lot of these insecurities back up.

When we spend time together, I get the sense that she's annoyed with me, I'm constantly doing something wrong. Sometime's I'll get directions wrong and she's frustrated and yells a bit, or she waves me off with her hand. Sometimes she's on her phone when we hang out instead of talking to me. (Of course, some of this is bound to happen in normal friendships, but this has been constant in recent months) Then I go home and cry about it. I tell myself to spend some time away from her to regroup. We'll make plans again and I'm excited because I want to spend time with my best friend. Then I get hurt again. I would do anything in our friendship to make her happy. I'm aware that I'm making too much of the situation. I know I shouldn't take all her actions so seriously, and everyone has little moments of feeling that they need to let out.

But she makes me so sad. I love her so much and we have had many good moments, but it's become so difficult. I haven't mentioned this to her in any serious way, I've only told her after she let me know that she wasn't taking her meds that I'd had speculations. On top of the sadness, I feel so selfish. Of course I want her to be happy, but do I want her to be happy just to make me feel secure in our friendship? If she feels better now than she did before, then I can be satisfied knowing she's better off. I just don't know if I'll ever adjust, if we can still be friends in the same way. I struggle with bringing this up with her, as I don't want her to feel guilty for doing what's right for her mental health. All I want to do is the right thing for the both of us. I've been taking another break from hanging out with her, but I know I'll need to talk about this eventually. It just hurts when someone you trust is mean to you, and you have no way of defending yourself. I could be making way too much of this whole scenario, and it could ultimately have more to do with us both changing than her getting off medication. I just want to support her the best I can while minimizing hurt for myself. But I have no idea what to do now.

Oh my god is this ask long! I'm really sorry, but I extend my many many thanks if you made it all the way through. I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for here, but writing this out has already made me feel better :)

Dealing with change in friendships + friendship dynamics

Hi anon, it means alot that you trusted enough to write this out. I can see where you’re coming from

It seems like your friend is doing better, but she could def still be struggling behind the scenes. People who are mean are often unhappy with parts of themselves. I say this from my own experiences and also from seeing others like this.

However, how she’s doing you is bogus asl. Even if she’s doing that out of her own emotions or issues, it is no excuse to treat you badly. And I think it’ll continue if you keep allowing it

The next time you feel she mistreats you, CALL IT OUT. Dont let it slide. Obvs don’t be rude towards her but politely and firmly tell her you don’t like that she did that. If she brushes off your confrontation, she doesn’t fr respect you. I think some communication will help you

People change. For worse or for better. I understand that you have a big attachment to her tho since she’s been your friend for so long. I think your view of her is more rooted in the past. This can cause resentment from her, in the past I resented my old friends for only viewing me as the past version of myself when I was a much different person by then. That may be the case for your friend. And you likely changed too. This isnt a bad thing ofc but it will affect your friendship with her

If she continues mistreating you, don’t be afraid to give up the friendship. Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away, esp when a friendship has caused you sm stress and trouble.

With what you said about being insecure about being friends with other girls, I get what you mean. I became pretty and many girls wanted to be my friend specifically cause of that. It made me worry that if i made one wrong mistake, they wouldn’t fw me anymore. But if someone is a fr friend, small things wouldn’t matter. Keep that in mind.

Also, I had a friendship similar to yours where I had lots of good moments with the girl but I also felt lots of hurt when she mistreated me. I cared too much about it and I constantly chased after her friendship and approval, and it ruined my confidence and self esteem. Eventually, she ended up ghosting me. While I don’t regret the friendship, what I did regret the most was being too emotional and putting in energy for someone who jus wasn’t feeling me. And in the end I didn’t resent her for not reciprocating. If this happened to me now, I would have just taken it for what it is and left her alone. I think detachment helps you alot, even if it is someone you really care about. If you leave thijgs be and take them for what they are, it saves alot of stress HAHA

If you want to talk more, feel free to dm me. I got you

#anonymous #female mental health #mental health #mental health awareness #friend advice #friendships #mental wellbeing #positive mental attitude #rant #self love #friend ask #ask blog #mental health help

[mycptsdstory]

I need advice.

Before I say this; TDLR. (I live in England 🇬🇧) My family told people I was this paedophile, a child groomer, I hurt children and a predator creep. That I had a criminal history, I've already been prosecuted and so on. None of them are true. It got so bad, I lost my job opportunities because of this. I can easily prove it by looking it on the public sex offenders website and showing my police background check and anyone can ring up the police to confirm that. I ain't hiding. (FIY, I haven't spoken to my family in 8 years. Long story short, they harassed me, stalked me, and went into my friendship groups for 8 years. Yes, the police know about this).

A few months ago, I would get extreme hate when I left my flat and would get name called, people kept giving me weird looks. It was bad. My neighbours would tell my local takeaway place that I'm a paedophile and I hurt children. I lost nearly all of my friends because they believed it.

It got so bad, I had to call up the police about it because I didn't want to get arrested for something I didn't do.

Fast forward a few months later, I went to America for my birthday (to get away from everything and have a break), got engaged, now I'm planning to move to America and renouncing my UK citizenship. (Everyone knows I'm planning to leave the UK for good and I'm never coming back).

The thing is, the friends I thought I had left, just left me. Ghosted me, want nothing to do with me. Just stopped talking to me. I don't even know why. I even said "what did I do wrong" most of them ghosted me. One girl said "no, nothing is wrong". I tried to have a conversation, and I got ghosted. Wtf. I don't even know why... Well, I have a thought, it could be because the paedophile shit ain't true. My therapist thinks, it's s because they are jealous (I highly doubt that).

When people ghost me, I don't reach out anymore. Like I used too.

I know the paedophile shit ain't true. Do you think that's why they left me? Or because they're jealous because I'm in a happy relationship and they aren't?

Idk anymore.

#i need advice #friend advice #life advice #advice please #advice pls

[antvnger]

Do you have any advice for someone who feels stupid? I can barely do basic math and I'm an adult. I know I'm smart in my own ways, but I still feel ashamed when I can't do basic things like math or easy science or other things. Meanwhile, it's so easy for other people and when I'm with my friends, I can't help but feel dumb sometimes. They'll talk about things and I can barely keep up. I just nod along to what they say. It's embarrassing.

Okay, I couldn't let this one wait until later. I gotta answer this one now.

First of all, Anon, I'm sorry you feel that way, but believe me, you're not dumb just because you struggle with math and science. Not everybody is wired to understand that stuff so easily, and that's okay. It doesn't devalue you because you struggle.

My sister loves loves loves history. You give her a random year and she could probably spit off 5 things that happened that year, and a lot of them I have no idea what they are. She and my granddad would talk all the time about history, and I'd just sit there sometimes going I have no idea what they're talking about. Like one time they talked for three hours about the ramifications of the Cold War, and I had like nothing to offer to that conversation, and I felt super bored and left out even though I'm a pretty smart guy. History just isn't my thing.

You've got some options here though, Anon, as far as advice goes.

If you want to have a better grasp of what they're talking about, then find out some things they like to talk about and things they talk about often and do a quick Google search about it and learn a little bit about what they're talking about.

If you wanna get better at basic math, practice some in your spare time. Another Google search can give you some basic problems to practice.

If there's a friend in your group you feel comfortable talking about this stuff with, do it. If they really are your friends and care about you, they'll either help you to understand better or they'll be more careful about including you in a topic you all can freely discuss.

Maybe you could ask your friends questions when they talk about those things? I know it'll be awkward and embarrassing at first, but if you ask the right kind of "why" questions, you'll be enhancing the conversation and offering something, and the answers may surprise you.

Or have the group discuss something you excel in and teach them a thing or two. I have every confidence you're pretty damn smart, so find something you like talking about and teach them something new.

Nothing is going to change unless you make some kind of move to change it, Anon. I definitely understand where you're coming from, and the best thing(s) you can do is learn a couple of things along the way and be honest with your friends. If they're your friends, they'll be supportive and helpful.

I don't know if this is what you're looking for, Anon, but it's what I've got. Good luck! You know where to find me if you need more help.

#ask scott lang #scott lang #ant-man #anon asks #advice #life advice #friend advice #good luck anon! #we're rooting for you! #ant man #antman