#GHMRGHH I LOVE HIM SM

[dulcesiabits]

nothing beautiful stays.

summary: Childe and Lumine spend an afternoon together as he grapples with his conflicting feelings for her.

notes: lumine/childe, light angst, pining, 1473 words

a/n: buries my head in my hands... all i do is write self indulgent fic instead of doing homework

It was hard sometimes to know what, exactly, Childe felt towards Lumine.

Sometimes, he dreamed of a simple life with her. What if he wasn’t part of the Fatui, and she wasn’t a stranger from some place farther than he could imagine? If they had been two ordinary people, if they didn’t have unseen scars they nursed within their hearts, if they never knew what the weight of a weapon felt like, they might have fallen in love.

Childe could have had an ordinary job at the bank, where his greatest concerns would be an indifferent boss and entitled customers. He could have had a place of his own, a little apartment that he loved, even if he complained about the neighbors and the rent. But none of that would be important as long as Childe finally had a place to call home. There would be no need to look over his shoulder at every noise and shifting shadow, waiting for an enemy or jealous rival to stab him in the back.

Maybe he and Lumine could be two ordinary people, who met in the streets by chance, and felt a spark, so they decided to meet each other again. Childe rather liked the idea of destiny pulling them together; he had always been more fond of fairytales than he should have had.

If that was the case, he would not have to calculate every touch, fearing what one moment of longing would cost him in the future. He could hold hands with Lumine in the streets, tuck loose strands of hair behind her ear. He could invite her over to his home and cook for her, teasingly offering to feed her by hand. They could go on dates on the weekend, and not worry about gods or the Fatui, because those were problems for other people.  

Most times, Childe laughed at himself and his pathetic fantasies. People like him would only ever find salvation on the battlefield. The ordinary pleasure of a simple life was lost to him. Instead, he wondered what Lumine’s blade would feel like pressed to his throat, threatening to bite into his skin. What would it be like to see her splatter his blood over the pavement?

Childe would love Lumine even then. The heat of battle made her all the more beautiful, and there was no one else whose blade he would rather have drawn his blood. Besides, they were both warriors, and he understood why she did the things she did. They both had things they needed to protect, things they believed in that they couldn’t throw away, even for someone they loved. 

No matter how much he dreamed of a different life, it could never change the truth of their situation. Childe was an enemy, and he was not allowed to want her. All his dreams were indulgences he could only afford as long as they didn’t distract him from his goals.

It might have been better to distance himself from her. Whenever Childe looked at her, he felt as if he was teetering on the edge of a precipice. One mistake, and he would fall. Still, that didn’t stop him from seeking Lumine out whenever he had free time. He wanted to bask in the warmth of her smile before she would no longer look his way. 

Today was no exception. Bored, he found his thoughts wandering towards Lumine, and decided to entertain his desire to see her. It was easy for him to find her, and his search took him to the afternoon rush of the market in Liyue. Lumine was meandering around, examining random stalls, seemingly without a care in the world. 

“Hey, princess,” Childe said, melting out of the crowd to easily fall in step with her. 

“Childe,” Lumine said, startled. “What’re you doing here?”

“I came here to see you,” he said, winking.

She sighed at his words. “I’m not doing anything interesting right now.” He heard everything she didn’t voice: I’m not doing anything you need to report back to the Fatui about.

Childe shrugged. “That’s okay. I’m bored. Hey, if you’re hungry, I could make you something to eat.”

“You can cook?” Lumine asked. 

“I’m a man of many talents. You’d be surprised what I could do, princess.”

Childe walked closer to her as the crowd swelled. If he wanted to, he could hold her hand under the pretense that they might be separated. But as the sea of people pushed at them, the inches between their hands might as well have been miles.

A single misstep would send him tumbling. He could never forget that.

Then, something soft slipped into his palm, and Lumine laced their fingers together, pulling him closer. Away from the ledge, away from the rush of people. “It’s crowded,” she said, avoiding his eyes. “You should be more careful.”

Childe squeezed her slender, calloused fingers back. How was it possible for someone to be so warm? Was there a way to bottle this feeling, so he could carry it with him to the coldest corners of Snezhnaya? “I’m not a kid. I promise I won’t run off without at least telling you.”

“Really? It’s nice you care enough to tell me,” Lumine joked. “You seem like you would be a troublesome kid.”

He wondered whenever he took up any space in Lumine’s heart. “I was a very cute kid, just so you know.”

“Oh, I bet.”

Hey, where’s Paimon?” Childe queried. He didn’t miss her too much. She always yelled at him when he flirted too much or looked at Lumine for longer than she deemed appropriate.

“She’s sleeping right now. I was just taking a walk to clear my thoughts.”

“Care to share them?”

Lumine hesitated for a second. “I was thinking of my home.”

It was a strange idea, to miss your own home. “Your home?” 

“Yes. No matter where or how far I travel, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to go home again, even for a short visit.”

“I’d like to see your home some day,” Childe murmured. He imagined the place that Lumine was from must have been full of sunshine

She turned to look at him, and he could see the blue of the sky reflected in her eyes. It was so blue it hurt, but he couldn’t turn away. “It’d be nice if I could take you there.”

“Then if you ever go back, don’t forget to take me along.”

They reached the end of the street, and the sea opened up below them, boats bobbing on its surface, a shimmering mirror of blue that stretched slow, inviting waves to beckon them closer. They stood, watching the sun refract diamonds across the water. The sea breeze left the taste of salt in his mouth. Lumine’s hand fit perfectly into his own, like it had always belonged there.

One day, the hand that was holding his would be wrapped around a sword that was pointed at his throat. 

As if sensing his thoughts, Lumine dropped his hand. “It’s less crowded now,” she said. 

Childe wondered what she would do if he reached for her hand again, pulled it close, told her to never let go. Even if it was just for a moment, he wanted to be selfish, more selfish than he had any right to be. 

He gave her an easy smile, instead. “And here I was starting to think you were falling for me.”

“You wish,” Lumine responded, but it was a half-hearted taunt.

How much longer did he have with her? At some point, Paimon would wake up and rush out, upset that Lumine had left her behind. One of her friends would need her attention and she would rush off. There would be some trouble, something urgent that couldn’t be resolved without her, and Lumine would leave him behind. Even worse, the Fatui would contact him, and he would be the one who would have to go.

Maybe if they were just an ordinary pair of people, like in all his foolish daydreams, they could hold hands without needing to find any excuse to do so. Childe wouldn’t be afraid to say he loved her, and Lumine wouldn’t be afraid of getting too close to him.

But they couldn’t be anyone other than a Fatui Harbinger and a traveler. It was enough that Lumine still wanted to stay by his side. 

It was always a when, not an if, with them. When would Childe betray her? When would she have to fight him? When would their difference agendas clash so much that conflict was inevitable?

For now, all Childe could do was clench his hand into a fist as he walked his narrow road, hoping he could convince some of the warmth from Lumine’s touch to stay, even once he fell.

#liya writes #genshin impact #chilumi #lumine #childe #GHMRGHH I LOVE HIM SM