✨Time for Vanilla’s Opinion 🍰
Edition #1: thoughts on hate & caring about what others think of you.
Regardless of what people think of you, you need to understand that it only matters/ means something if you decide it to. What i mean is that i know lots of people say “you should only care about your opinion. Others opinion of you dont matter” but that’s only true if YOU DECIDE IT TO BE TRUE. I will say this again: this is your life!!!!!
If you choose to accept and believe the nonsense that others will think/ say of you, then you are saying “i dont have the confidence and self love in myself to only accept my opinion, so im going to give you the power over my emotions and how i act :)” do you really want to do that? Because that’s what you’re doing when you start acting based on how you think others are gonna think of you and what their perception is.
Remember: what other people think of you is just THEIR PERCEPTION. Stop making your personality & yourself dependent on what another person thinks of you!!
And also, some people will literally just hate on anything because of how sad their life is. I mentioned this before, and im gonna mention it again: there could be a video of CATS PLAYING on YouTube and you’ll find someone criticising and hating on that. That’s how sad some of these people in life are. So stop trying to or thinking that since you love yourself and you’re “perfect” that everyone should/ would like you because THATS NOT TRUE.
I read this quote once: “you could be the most juiciest, yummiest apple in the world, yet there would still be someone out there who doesn’t like apples.”
“So then.. what do i do if I receive hate? It’s still mean and hurtful.”
WHY does it still hurt??? WHY are you giving that person ANY control over how you feel???? If this person is someone who’s your friend or close to you, when they do it, TELL THEM THAT YOU DONT LIKE IT!!! Without communication and understanding, you will only start to build resentment for the other person, creating a toxic relationship. Comunícate your boundaries clearly by telling them that firmly, NOT in a joking manner, that you don’t like it. Now ofc if they do it once more, remind them again. Most of the time, if this person really cares about you, they will respect your feelings and stop doing that. But if it happens more times, you’ve gotta stop giving your energy to them. Reserve that for something that actually matters.
You may or may not have noticed that i did not write “just cut them out” because i know how difficult that can be, especially if you’re a kid still living with your parents. Because at some times, you’re stuck in the situation you’re in for a while (for example: a workplace, living at home, in 1 class at school) so its not as easy to just “cut them out”. And that’s why i wrote “stop giving your energy to them”. Because THATS what the parasites are feeding on! Your energy and attention! Take that away from them and see what happens.
BUT….;
know that what I’m NOT saying is to be a stone-cold bitch who doesn’t care at all about others or their happiness. (Because honestly, doing that shows me that you’re a lot more insecure) A lot of people now would be like “but it’s not my responsibility to ensure they’re happy. They are their own person in charge of their own actions and feelings!” Sure, ok. But then don’t come whining to me about how you have no friends and how you feel so lonely and sad. ‘You’re your own person and in charge of your own feelings’, remember? So if someone decides to leave a relationship (whether it’s a friendship, or with romance) with you because you don’t make them feel happy, then don’t be surprised about that because ‘they are their own person.’
But look, i completely agree with the fact that you and every individual indeed are in charge of their own feelings and actions, but just stop and think about it for a sec; would YOU want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t give a hoot about your happiness? Yuck, no!!
So to put it in more simple/ plain terms: be KIND to people, bring smiles to peoples faces when you can (give them a compliment, help them out, listen to them, offer advice, etc.) but don’t something that compromises your own wellbeing and happiness. Cus like, how is complimenting someone’s hair or eyes gonna hurt you? If anything it would just make you happier. But also don’t live your life constantly on the edge, afraid of what he’s gonna think of you, what shes gonna say about you, etc. etc.
I guess that’s pretty much it. <3 anyyywayys i hope you enjoyed the 1st edition of the series! If you have requests, comment on this post of send an ask using the ‘tea’ button ☕️
Xoxo, Vanilla
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“how’s your summer going?”
me:
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