#HE HAS MY UWUS SO BAD

[inconclusionray]

If I see one more "poor Izzy was in an abusive relationship for twenty years :'(" take I'm going to set this pirate ship on fire.

#you don't get to erase the gorgeous fucked up mutual toxicity of their consent-free sadomasochist trauma survival relationship on MY watch #they SAVED EACH OTHER and MADE EACH OTHER and FUCKED EACH OTHER UP and it was so so bad it was sooooo gooooooooood #like i know disk horse has trained us to think there can only be The Abuser and The Abused and one is always bad and one is always blameless #but babies sometimes relationships are fucked up and when it's fictional it can be so gorgeous like come on #izzy got so hard when fed his toe I'm surprised he didn't have an aneurysm and die right then #if you're gonna claim him as queer then let him be QUEER not an uwu sanitized self insert okay? #he was fine with losing his toe he wasn't fine with losing his playmate #and blackbeard came back WRONG #this thing the two of them created this fucked up dangerous pirate game called blackbeard wasn't about belonging anymore #it wasn't about the two of them surviving the cruelty of their former captain or the worse cruelty of civilized society #it was a caricature and it had to die #and it did in the end #and Izzy realized he didn't need it anymore #and Ed didn't need it #and he was so so happy about it #that was worth dying for #ugh I'm so in love with this story #anyway Izzy wasn't abused & he was abused & he was an abuser & he saved Edward & they were so bad for each other & they loved each other #learn to love complicated fucked up harmful problematic things babies #because you are one #and you deserve love too

[asterlae]

The tragic lovers are back :D

I have a lot of lore for them, specially for Wolfwood uwu

#trigun #vash the stampede #my art #trigun maximum #fanart #nicholas d. wolfwood #trigun stampede #vashwood #trigun fantasy au #Vashwood my beloved #I wish so much that my orthography didnt give me cringe #it is alredy bad in spanish. now imagine how it is in english #two of Vash's poses are based on ballerina and gymnast poses bc I think they suit him #fixed my error #now he has his metallic hair strands uwu

[randomnameless]

To continue the woobified view of the Elites and my comparison of them to the Black Eagles :

Same for me regarding the BE, especially because they also literally fought Edelgard's troops in WC when you choose their house, and even if you don't, they definitely still would know that Edelgard dus nasty shits in WC.

The idea that media literacy is dead is quite fitting, because the idea that even rotten persons have loved ones/that having loved ones doesn't mean you're not rotten is a known thing, yet the Eagles and elites get a pass solely because "they genuinely believe in the cause" and "they love and care for each other"

Probably Fraldarius was as devoted to Nemesis as Ingrid to Dimitri, Lamine very well may have been as sassy as Dorothea, perhaps Goneril was as brave and endearing as Caspar, or Maurice was as loyal to his clan's interests as Petra to Brigid's happiness (through a strong bond to the Empire) but like the BE, they are butchers, who relished in the destruction of everything those against them hold dear, lap dogs and rabid curs of someone they definitely know have crushed innocents and scorn the very idea of peace except under their domination.

The only meaningful difference between Edelgard-following BE and the elites is that we can know more about the BE and we are forced to dislike cutting them down even as they refuse to let northern Fódlan alone.

Honestly I need a fanfiction where the BE are called out for that bullshit.

Yep!

That's the tone deaf feeling I got from Nopes, the Deers are hunting someone bcs their leader wants her dead for no reason, but Raph only comments on how hungry he is.

Uh, sure Raph, you're not the most thoughtful character in there, but come on? Some commentary or exposition on what you're doing? Hello KT? Can we have characters be challenged or even react to the events of screen instead of wondering what's for dinner/teatime?

No??

I wouldn't say it's an issue of media litteracy being dead, but more something in the lines of people being more and more "all or nothing" nowadays, without any nuance and conflating liking a character with the idea/image that might project on you : if I like ASOIAF's Cersei, I don't think everything she does is "justified", but modern fandom, I feel like some people would categorize you as a "good" or "bad" person based on the characters you like, and it's just... not what fandom is or was supposed to be imo, I'm here to nerd and gush about favourite characters, not write litteral essays about the Geneva Convention.

Corollary is what, imo, made the Fodlan fandom hell : some people really take "criticism" against a character personally - sure the way FE16 was written invites projection, but at the end of the day, making a Berning Fire Joke is, just, making a joke about a bunch of pixels, nothing more.

Back to the BEs, they can have a sense of camaraderie and genuinely support each other... as they tear apart "people because Supreme Leader told me to" and fight side by side with Bob the Carpented who was turned into Waldi the demonic beast.

Ferdie can skewer Flayn on her father's lance because she is "a creature that has plagued humanity for ages" even if they reached a C support before shit hit the fan - and still protect Mercedes and Bernie from their abusing Fathers. Does that make him a great guy? A nuanced guy?

I think the trope is called "even evil people have loved ones" or something like that?

I don't think so, but he is no random one note villain sycophant either - now, what is the more annoying with the Fodlan games is how this dichotomy is never called upon : everything is just a giant blob or Hresvelg Grey ("morally grey" but only applied to Supreme Leader) where no one really is angry at her, and all the "sacrifices" she's making are off-screen while the characters on-screen always moan about her "ReFoRmS" and "IdEaLs" without talking about the cost bar some milquetoast "but war bad". And no one, in the game, will ever throw this hypocrisy to their face - Gallant Ferdinand will dream about the Opera as he wipes off the blood of a young woman who just wanted to return to the only home she had.

Yay.

FWIW, some mutuals and I have nothing but pure lols about Doro's line in the non-CF routes being "we killed Ferdie professor :'(" because, hey, why should I care more about Ferdie than about random loldier 55 ? Rhea? Felix? Claude? Ignatz?

Maybe the Elites were really friends and became """"nice""" persons with time, to their families and loved ones ?

Does this magically erase what they did before? Will that "good" they did erase all the "wrongs" they have previously done? Will theyr forever escape the consequences of their actions?

In a game that depicts Flamey as a terrorist for 11 chapters only to drop that plot point by the window to moan, again, about her "IdEaLs", "consequences" are maybe something you can eat as a snack, or throw in a trashcan.

So following the rules of this verse, given how Supreme Leader never receives flak for her Flamey stunts, why should the Elites receive any for what they did? Look, Maurice calls Daphnel his friend, surely he is not that bad of a man? Well yeah, he might have seduced women and planted a lot of wild oats here'n'there, but he cares about his friends!

Jeritza likes ice creams and cats! Surely it's more important to paint him as a cat lover than to deal with all the consequences of his stunt as the Death Knight, kidnapping and implied rekting young woman while he was in GM, under Flamey's orders, right?

Calling it now, after eviscerating Seteth's older brother, Goneril might have melted in front of one of Rhea's kittens, and adopted the cat asap. Surely that makes Goneril a "good" character right? And forget the entire "genocided a bunch of hippies living isolated in their village" stuff?

I don't have fanfics recs where the BEs are called hypocrites, but I confess I don't read a lot of fanfics in the FE16 fandom because of all of the aforementioned issues.

#maelor321 #replies #i don't even know if i replied to your ask lol #i disgressed and ranted #fandom woes #FE16 was designed as a game where you'd feel bad for fighting against 'your loved ones' aka precious students #the writing and execution is so artificial that they couldn't even make it believable for a second #so instead we are hit with giant signposts that read 'plz be sad now' #like Doro's we killed Ferdie sad uwus #or even Billy's choice in SS/VW of i don't want to kill Supreme Leader/I want to walk with her uwu #she is revealed to be Flamey she has been warring for 5 long years she caught Rhea #she had so many randoms peons killed #and yet the game has the nerve to give us this? #evening salt #SW!Anakin loves his fiancee so much uwu #sure he murders a bunch of babies and toddlers but don't you want to walk with him to create a galactic empire and kill #people who don't agree with him? including his beloved wife? #people conflate nuance and 'grey' with 'my fave did nothing wrong'

[citrinide]

Saying this in the nicest way possible.

Some people really need to shut up.

#cecil.fm #DESPERATELY begging some of you to stop ignoring huge parts of a character JUST because you like them #He's an asshole. He's CONSISTENTLY an asshole. He makes slights and unnecessary judgements toward EVERYONE. PLEASE IT'S NOT JUST THE CHASSIS #yes this is about Wheatley obviously I'm going to be pissed over people misinterpreting characters from my special interest AGAIN #I was there when people UwU-ified him and treated him like a precious baby while demonising GLaDOS at the same time I'm bashing heads in rn #they're. fucking. FOILS!!! #THEY'RE BOTH BAD PEOPLE OH MY GOD THEY BOTH MAKE UNNECESSARILY RUDE REMARKS YOU NEED TO ACCEPT THIS OH MY GOD #I am begging oh my fucking god #there's moments where I see this behaviour and like desperately want to block people because oh my god what ELSE are you blatantly ignoring #like I'm not innocent either here I'll be the FIRST to admit my f/o is a shitty person too! He's a pathetic little suck up #he's annoying and so fucking rude but I'm not ignoring any of that! #The portal fandom has such an issue with this I swear to god. nothings changed we're going in circles. character analysis is dead. #I think thats what made me cancel LaaC originally too. fuck. #this is why I stay in my little Aperture Tag corner. Because at LEAST we aren't operating under the false pretense that Nigel is some saint #forcing you all (non-specific) to play the game again and TRY to explain away the blatant instances of him being all types of awful #just a general sentiment I've seen again recently that I REALLY despise. stop declawing characters im going to MAUL you #anyway sorry for the tag rant im just very passionate about this game and people misinterpreting characters WILDLY off is. Yeah :)) #extra note: blaming the chassis for his actions as if he wasn't predisposed to that behaviour is a stupid ass take and always has been <3 #i could go on for hours but I'd hit the note limit so <3 #one of my biggest pet peeves in fandom honestly.

[pigeonwit]

run boy run [scene scribble]

“Sorry,” Davey says, almost without registering it. Jack looks at him quizzically.

“F’r what?”

“I – I dunno,” Davey tries to laugh, but it feels less like mirth and more like his insides have been shaken, like the vibrations are crawling out of his lips without his permission. “Being a smartass?”

His eyes dart to the floor, the street, blurring over the passersby, then Jack again, who’s looking progressively more concerned. Without meaning to, he mumbles another “sorry.”

Jack gives him another inscrutably look; he takes a half-step forward, then back, then sort of – steels himself and pushes forward again, planting a hand on Davey’s shoulder that burns through his clothes like molten metal.

“Wasn’t thinkin’ anythin’ like that, Davey.” He says, quiet but strong, like a storm. Davey’s innards shake again, and he has to let out another strange, strangled laugh.

“No – yeah, no, I mean – I just…” He squeezes his hands into fists a few times, flicks the fingers like he can flick all this wrongness out of him like rainwater. “It’s just – I know it’s annoying, when I speak all – weird like that.”

Jack frowns at him, brow creased like paper – Jack hates creased paper, drives him crazy, says it makes all his lines look wrong.

“Didn’t feel weird to me.” He says slowly, like it's obvious, and Davey knows it's meant to be kind, but God, he just feel stupid. "S’just how you are.”

Davey tries his best to hide his grimace. Jack ducks his head to meet his gaze – clearly, Davey hadn’t tried hard enough.

“Hey.” Jack says firmly. “Ain’t bad or nothin’.” He smiles, sweet and dimpled at the edges, like warm bread. “S’nice, ach’lly.”

#every time i write davey's anxiety i feel so worried that i'm making him this waifish stuttering little uwu boy #cause like. that's not who he is. and that's not what anxiety does #i really want to get this feel of davey being back in this environment that he feels so out of place in. #and having that slowly bleed into his mental health and his social life and his relationships #but man every time i make his anxiety play up even a little im like 'omg im misrepresenting anxiety sooooo bad' [literally has anxiety] #[literally incorporating his own experience in the fic] #long story short i dont like this at all and it will probably change but im in a miserable little Shtate #and if i don't keep writing i won't at all so blegughhgh here's my scraps #newsies #livesies #uksies #west endsies #jack kelly #davey jacobs #david jacobs #javid #javey #pigeon scribbles

[arabian-batboy]

I have been in the mood to watch some Shoujo so I finally got around watching Fruits Basket since its one of the most iconic Shoujo out there and it just feels like I’m missing out on not watching it and while I’m definitely enjoying it so far, I have to admit that Yuki’s (and Kagura) annoying ass almost made me want to drop the show...

#Kagura is pretty self-explanatory #her forcing herself on Kyo and beating him up when he rejects her is NOT cute #I don't care that she's supposed to be a tsundere cuz tsundere who beat up the person they like are so lame and out-dated #Kyo plays the tsundere-like character far better than her #as for Yuki.....he's just a Mary Sue? #he's supposed to be drop-dead gorgeous and has the entire school fawning over him #and he's also extremely powerful and can easily beat up Kyo without breaking a sweat #but he's also a poor sad uwu boy with so many insecurities #I'm sorry he's so obnoxious lol #I think its because he reminds me of Tim #in that we're supposed to feel bad about him but also think that he's perfect/so much better than everyone else #it got a little bit better in recent episode but boy did he almost ruin the show for me #Tohru too with how much of plain protagonist without any real flaws she is but I got over it quickly #since she's supposed to be a self-insert for the audience (also she's a nice girl who doesn't do anything that's really annoying) #except maybe giving sappy speeches every now and then #aside form these 3 I absolutely love the rest of the cast #especially Uotani Hanajima Hatori and Kyo #and I haven't met him yet but I just know I will love Hiro when he appears #mark my word #fruits basket

[diningwiththeasquiths]

Holt McCallany in Greenland (2020)

#had a bad American action movie night with some friends yesterday #we watched 3 Gerard Butler movies LOL in this one he had his own Scottish accent at least #I was so happy to see that Holt was in the cast of this movie but sadly he only showed up towards the end :( #has a great scene where he gets very exasperated at Gerard's character though (for good reason) he's so good at playing that emotion lmao ❤ #and then he softens up and is really caring towards the son of Gerard's character UWU #[SPOILER] and then he dies a hero and Gerard's character takes a moment to mourn him as he should goddammit #[SPOILER] did not screenshot his final scene because it looks too real and upsetting to me lol. do not want to see my blorbo like that 🥺😂 #holt mccallany #greenland (2020) #greenland movie

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

i want ike to be in three houses

for science

#DCB RD Run #y'all know what i'm talking abt if u follow me lmao #ike rly does say all the most perfect shit but most ppl don't even get to see it these days #bc intsys won't make the games accessible and they cost hundreds of dollars for a used copy jfhsagjdg #BUT ALSO this line? REALLY fuckin wish they said to zelgius too with someone anyone even if it wasn't ike #would've been really awesome tho for it to be ike who said it so that zelgius couldn't uwu my teacher his way out of being a villain #what is it with them making ppl be like uwu my teacher and that suddenly make them not a villain fhajgdgsj #like WHERE WAS THIS LINE WHEN IN REBIRTH 2 #we had tibarn with us! ranulf! shinon! oscar! SOMEONE could've said it!!! #hecky schemcky if OSCAR said it? that would be like DAMN u fucked UP tho #if OSCAR couldn't forgive you for something? d a m n sonny that one would cut d e e p #but also?! shinon! being calm about it! and just telling him outright! look! nah! you did all that shit! and now you want to uwu us to death #nah! what you did was unforgiveable and you kept doing unforgiveable things! #i mean come on there's a line out the door of ppl who wanted to get or deserved to get revenge on that guy #YES I HAD TO LET IT OUT AGAIN I'M STILL MAD THAT SEPH GOT THE WHOLE NO U DID BAD #BUT ZELGIUS DID ARGUABLY WORSE BC HE DIDN'T DO IT AFTER LOSING HIS ENTIRE FUCKING MIND #AND HAVING HIS ENTIRE FAMILY SLAIN AND HIS FOREST HOME BURNT TO DEATH #LIKE. COME ON. SEPH AT LEAST HAS A LEGIT REASON TO HAVE LOST HIS MIND BUT ZELG? #siiiiiiiiigh. anyway put ike in three houses so he can teach all the dumb stans how to be a proper mc #yeah that's right i said it A PROPER MC #blorbo is in the corner hiding bc he doesn't like these tags. see his bow? see it? it's poking into the pic #ALSO HOW COME REYSON DOESN'T GET ANY LINES WITH SEPH ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENED POST BATTLE #this post has gone in three entirely different directions in the tags good for me good for me

[sandrockers]

The Man, The Myth, The Legend… my man haru 💖

#the way we rarely know anything about this man but I’m obsessed #pls pathea make him romanceable AH #like he wants to go back to sandrock so bad BRING HIM BACK HOME #Ima beat the shyte outta that duvos spy >:( #my time at sandrock #gameplay #mtas haru #should I even say we rarely know him? #just with the lil we know #we know he’s responsible and smart makes me go uwu #tho he’s gotta be a lil dorky given he hangs w Logan lol.. #they gotta make stupid jokes together xD #also he probably has depression #the way he kept feeling bad about the temple incident.. #I’ll do my best to help you 😤 I WILL make sure y’all win against duvos and come back to sandrock

[labyrynth]

i saw this opinion recently that was like

“jgy was doing horrible irredeemable things and showed no sign of stopping (so huaisang was 100% justified in ruining him)”

except that looking at the handful of events we’re aware of, only two, maybe three are things jin guangshan didn’t order jgy to do…and all of them were years ago.

the first is burning down the brothel. the next one is obviously killing jin guangshan. the last one, if it’s something you choose to believe through the ambiguity (i don’t—more under the cut), is killing rusong.

so even if we assume that IS something that jgy did, that was still something like 6-8yrs before the present.

other than that? jin guangyao’s most notable actions as sect leader and chief cultivator were eliminating corruption, and establishing public safety infrastructure. at some point he cut ties with xue yang, though we don’t know how that happened. we don’t hear about anything else.

so uh…sure. jgy showed “no sign of stopping”…much in same way a sleeping bear shows “no sign of stopping.” yes, theoretically dangerous, but not doing anything right now. and you can’t exactly show that you’re stopping if you’re not going to begin with.

jgy really isn’t a threat until he’s threatened—all of the the individuals that he specifically made the decision to kill were, in some way, threatening his ability to exist. when given the agency to make decisions without endangering himself or his loved ones, he genuinely just chills, or chooses to do good.

if you decide to slap a sleeping bear in the ass, anything the bear does in response is kind of on you.

(more about why i don’t think jgy killed rusong or had him killed below)

the text is super ambiguous about rusong. like we just don’t hear much about him in any context.

estimate for when rusong died:

jgy got married before jin guangshan died, which supposedly was about 11yrs prior. qin su was pregnant at the time they married, so rusong would have been about 11-12 in the present. sect leader yao says that rusong died around when formal education would have begun, so we can assume he was somewhere between 4-6yo. hence, 6-8 years ago.

“i killed my father, my brother, my wife, my son…”

jgy says he killed “his son,” which seems like a clear cut confession, but he also says that he killed “his brother,” and “his wife,” both of which we know are technically false.

zixuan dies onscreen, killed by wen ning as a result of wei wuxian having lost control. jgy did not intend for zixuan to die, nor did he officially kill him, but jgy does still feel responsible. he clearly feels responsible for qin su as well, but quite frankly, i don’t buy the theory that he literally mind controlled her into killing herself (mind control?? really???).

the official story: isn’t it “convenient”

we also know the official story about what happened. many clans were opposed to the watchtowers for a variety of reasons: e.g. they didn’t want to pay for them, didn’t want to staff them, thought that jgy was overstepping by centralizing public safety, thought that jgy was overstepping because jgy was jin guangyao, bastard son of a whore, etc. (the “supervisory office” thing is officially cql only; the reasons above are just the norm in politics). one of the smaller clans was particularly opposed, and had rusong assassinated to send a message to jgy.

sect leader yao also speculates that jgy killed rusong to cover up the fact that his whore-blooded cough i mean his child of incest was “deficient” (you’re not slick, sect leader yao) and then goes off about how “perfectly convenient” it was that the clan that despised jin guangyao and his watchtower plan “just so happened” to attack the son of the guy they more or less wanted dead.

“convenient.” sure. okay.

“it’s the perfect excuse.” yeah. because it probably isn’t an excuse. literally why would “parent murders child because child may potentially possibly struggle with learning & social interaction” be more plausible than “political agent has his political enemy’s son assassinated to send him a message”?

kill sparingly, kill quietly: they should die as they lived.

so the likelihood that rusong was actually assassinated is pretty high, but furthermore, jgy tends to only kill when he feels like he has to, and when jgy killed both jin guangshan and nie mingjue, he specifically used methods that wouldn’t stand out.

jin guangshan, a man with a reputation for his indulgence in sex and alcohol, died from overindulgence during an “orgy”. nie mingjue, a man whose family has a history of qi deviating and dying young, has a qi deviation and dies after many months of clear decline. they died exactly according to the ways that they lived.

most children are not assassinated for political reasons, so we can assume that it drew a LOT of attention at the time, and probably a lot of scrutiny as well. would it have really been worth the risk? worth the attention? worth the grief it caused qin su? we already know that jgy would prefer to spare qin su from bearing unnecessary burdens, so the answer to all of it is “probably not.”

again: there was a fair amount of opposition to jgy’s watchtower plans. framing a clan for the murder of your son WOULD be very efficient in removing that clan as opposition, but that doesn’t do anything about any of the other opposing clans. the benefit is far too small for the cost.

anyway the end

#mdzs #mdzs meta #jin guangyao #mdzs talk #jgy tag #mxtx talk #i just wanted to talk about my little meowmeow as a bit of a palette cleanser #too much discourse about jiang cheng recently and some of it really absurd #but yeah i just saw that take and i was like. what are you talking about. #jgy hasn’t done ANYTHING in YEARS. #he’s been minding his own goddamn business and investing in public infrastructure #it sounds like jgy has been doing a lot more good than nhs has been at the very least #nhs after 13yrs of running his sect’s reputation into the ground: #*resurrects the Biggedt Bad gets multiple sect leaders killed and throws the whole cultivation world into disarray* #nhs: uwu my work here is done. dage you would be so proud of me. i killed that stinky murderer AND everyone he cares about #what have YOU been doing the whole time nhs??? what good have YOU done for ANYONE?? #you helped like TWO people. MAYBE three. AND YOU STILL HAD TO DRIVE SOMEONE TO SUICIDE TO DO IT. #independent of everything else!! #how many problems did you sow and then walk away all ‘well that’s just none of my business uwu’ #YOU MADE A MESS. FIX IT. #god like i love nhs but he’s SUCH a flaky bitch #comes in makes a mess and leaves #smh anyway #some of y’all seem like u watch those horror movies #where the villain is like ‘i have forced you into extenuating circumstances to show you how evil you really are :)’ #and then u walk away like ‘wow…people really ARE evil…that villain was right to put them into extenuating circumstances to show them that.’ #like how do you miss the point THAT badly #anyway i’m done

[lord-squiggletits]

Getaway and the whole mutiny arc literally is one of the most disappointing things in all of phase 2 lmao and it’s not that I’m like “oooh Getaway should’ve been a perfect angel who was right and a better captain than Rodimus” it’s more that I would’ve liked to have him NOT immediately descend into cartoonish levels of pure evil and for him to have gotten to make a point about Rodimus/Megatron being shit captains besides the final confrontation between him and Rodimus. Like goddamn I understand now why there are so many Getaway fans/Megatron haters because I’m pretty sure if I didn’t come into this continuity as a Megatron simp I would hate him too

#like it's just... ugh i guess the early cancellation was part of it but like #(holding hands together) #getaway was literally right that it was unfair and ridiculous for the LL to accept an ex genocidal dictator as their captain without questio #he was right about rodimus being a shit captain #and instead of him getting to be 'asshole that has a point' as a sort of rival to rodimus #he basically just went insane immediately (literally insane) #and then what the story ended up being was like #getaway is just a delusional mentally ill asshole with no redeeming traits except his sad backstory #like ugh HE WAS PRETTY MUCH LITERALLY MADE MENTALLY ILL TOO #'getaway wants primus himself to come and tell him he's right' was literally a serious thing that happened #the characters more or less outright stated he had primus apotheosis (not like diagnosed but this is a narrative so we're meant to #take the implication as such) #and then getaway died one of the most brutal on screen deaths faced by anyone except maybe the people who died in grindcore #like it's just so fucking over the top how much getaway became a moustache twirling villain and was cast as pathetic in every possible way #and then got killed in the most horrible way possible #and then afterwards the mutiny isn't even spoken of besides 'oh i forgive you uwu' #JRO put fucking megatron in the final panel of the LL quantum copy as if the mutiny was completely solved #as if megatron was just one of the boys lmao #just leaves such a bad taste in my mouth when i think too hard about it #negativity #squiggposting

[luxraydyne]

pop quiz what breed of childhood trauma borne neuroticism is it called when being condescended to on just the most neutral, limpid, nothing thoughts you express like you’re a little silly child, or “out of your depth”, or woefully misinformed, or just speaking on something you shouldn’t cause fuckin hell you’re doing it *wrong*, and with the most plainly obvious remark too, makes you want to chew on your own arm until you reach bone marrow

#i hate internet discourse i hate internet discourse i loathe online Big Fandom it makes me come out in hives #i'm not stupid. i'm NOT stupid. i know this. i'm not being mean and nasty and bitchy either. just saying shit wrong. #siiigh i don't want to just stop making shit and like speaking. about stuff. on the internet. but like also. why would you? #there are exceptions (who i hope would recognise themselves if not i apologise) but largely i am more miserable #and more self destructive more regularly since stepping out of anonymity and engaging with people online #except animal crossing. like everyone i've interacted with through acnh has been. really Nice tbh. which is nuts lol #the stories you hear are almost universally bad and yet everyone i've chatted with albeit briefly has been so nice #i get anxiety over whether or not some stranger i'm never gonna meet thinks i'm an imbecile or not like how stupid is that? it's ridiculous #my self esteem has somehow gone backwards??? #it don't fuckin matter! proving a relative nobody wrong and keeping her in her place don't matter! i mean it's daft but what's the point #and i know i need to internalise that i KNOW but damn it's hard #i want to just say fuck it and leave. become like a fandom esque zombie or whatever. but i also want autonomy over what i've produced now #unless i just delete all that too ig #but why should i!! #i go through this cycle every month it's like having an extra self-loathing hormone #if you're super attached to something w my username on it just download it for yourself you have my blessing give urself peace of mind lol #in principle i want to ghost and all of a sudden i'm am unperceivable and none of it's my damn problem any more lmao #but then i'm too bullish and prideful and egotistical so i'm like 'bbbut my seven tumblr followers who always like my silly text posts uwu' #i'm the dw in this scenario. the sign says 'just leave you're a nuisance' and i'm looking right at it like 'he he. no <3' #even if just doing what the signs says would definitely go some way to help with not wanting to just perish. or the arm chewing thing. #i just. simply. think. i would like to know. what it is i have done specifically #i know the answer is somewhere between nonexistent and nonsensical like it's not worth thinking about #what i've done is exist in a way that is arbitrarily deemed stupid/distasteful/ugly/deviant/noisy/irriating/etc it's irrelevant #and yet. there is a burning black void of needing to know in me. anon hate get into my dms tell me why you dislike me so #nothing is scarier. is the phraseology #like a game of wackamole with every utterance. is this one gonna get bapped with the hammer of 'you are so wrong'? why? does it matter? #who knows....it is a mystery...... #i matter so little! i have 50 followers! two (2) ppl read the fanfic and thought it was 'aight! i don't matter! i am such a tiny fish! #what is even the point just leave me be no one cares! #i *could* redirect this hysterical existential horror energy into my original work. i *should* do that

[aroacehanzawa]

The Half Life of Valery K by Natasha Pulley would be so good if it was good

#i'm gonna have to revive my goodreads account just to leave a bad review AND send 10 million ranting voice messages to my friend tomorrow #ok first the premise was good and based on true history about the ussr's secret nuclear testing facility City 40 #the first half of the book had well-written mystery and the atmosphere was truly chilling it was a great cold war era thriller #unfortunately this book has too many flaws and just things that are straight up bad #such as: the mc is an uwuified scientist ex prisoner who GUESS WHAT worked directly under joseph mengele on human experiments??? #and it's just like but uwu he was still young and had no choice #well the author had a choice and if you're gonna write something like that at least explore the topic properly???????? #oh yeah and an entire prisoner train carriage of women gets raped by all the male prisoner except for valery our heroic mc #who couldn't do anything about it then until he laters kills all of those men with a bomb so he gets a traumatic AND a heroic backstory #and then the love interest: the kgb man with a wife and 4 kids he dearly loves but who conveniently get written off at the end #with no clear resolution as to what actually happened to his family after he defects abroad and he barely even mentions them afterwards???? #oh yeah and our mc has some wildly anachronistic sjw-esque tumblr feminisms that the author forced in seemingly to make up for her #treatment of the actual female characters in the book??? #the science was sound for the most part except the so-called scientist characters were being STUPID about it #they're like ohhh i wonder what are these weird mud geysers that keep popping off when we're not on volcanic ground #THAT'S THE GODDAMN HEAT FROM THE RADIOACTIVE WASTE AND I KNEW THAT FROM THE FIRST MENTION OF THESE GEYSERS #also the authir doesn't know how russian surnames work and wildly overestimates the amount of coffee that russians drink #and wildly underestimates the alcohol tolerance of 50+ year old bulky kgb officers and doesn't seem to know that the russian language #is gendered. like she writes a whole monologue for valery complaining about being called mister by the english because it's gendered???? #also the whole resolution of the book is like a mediocre action thriller airport novel compared to the tense and atmospheric beginning #nah i'm going to sleep. good night