#HE MADE GODDAMN JOKES ABOUT IT

[whaliiwatching]

a taste of hannibal, a touch of megamind, a shot of venom (pours the whole damn bottle)

i love venom (2018) a lot, it’s my go-to movie when i’m bored or sad, i have seen it many many times. i saw it again a week or so ago with a bud and finally had the opportunity to pen down this lovely au i’ve been thinkin bout

i’ve got a much more fleshed out sketch of how this au plays out. not sure if i’ll write it yet

anyway some bullet points

noir (called, ofc, noir) arrives on earth-138 in the 1920s. his first host is robbie and they basically go through the venom movie, where noir slowly learns to love earth and humanity and all that jazz. up until the 50s or so they’re an investigative reporter and occasionally a scary vigilante superhero!

when robbie is killed (not ewaf style. i forbid it), it fucking devastates noir and he host-hops for a bit, doing fun anarchy things to keep up robbie’s legacy but also losing a few morals here and there. he can do a little murder and eat nazis as a treat

the symbiotes arrive en masse and osborn infects humans with them to turn into his fascist riot police army

through vampire-hunting-esque shenanigans, hobie and noir meet, and strike up a tenuous truce to fight the government. hobie does not like him at first, but noir very much does ;)

cue a slow burn gothic romance between a freedom fighter and a devoted monster <3

#spider man: across the spider verse #spider punk #spider noir #hobie brown #noirpunk #theyre not spiderpeople in this au lol #the issue is i can write horror but i cant draw it lhkjdsf #which is why the Funnies #and the goddamn megamind scene. which somehow perfectly fits #see the fun part about it is that noir has to always be connected to hobie in order to survive #so we have Monster Who is Recklessly Devoted to Host and Host Who is Not Into This #noir’s hat and general look come from his assimilation to humanity over the last fifty or so years. hes not like other symbiotes #hes quirky. he wears a fedora. you ever seen him without that stupid hat on that’s WEIRD #two stupid old jokes in one! i like it #anyway yeah monster noir for the win #thanks discord! yall made me rework this entirely just to make it more fucked up horror <3

[awesamforehead]

THE MEME IS REAL 😭😭

#punz #catlyn #awesamdude #awesampunz #He introduced his best friend as his boyfriend to his actual girlfriend im dyyyyiiinnngggg #At times i feel bad for cate third wheeling in her own relationship but im sure they actually talked about it #And made it clear to each other that its all jokes #But goddamn punz that's brutal 😭 #But i relate i also smile and kick my feet to awesamdude LMAO

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

i have this really stupid idea in my head that im frankly a little obsessed with and the idea is this: trent crimm doing a drunk history episode on ted lasso's first tenure at richmond. is that how drunk history works? i don't think so. do i care? absolutely not. it's a special episode who cares because this image is not only hysterical to me but treasured. i treasure this image. i hold it close in my heart and also laugh and laugh and laugh.

#ted is played by what is very visibly a butch lesbian in a huge fake mustache. #roy is inexplicably played by himself in a wig. #ternt drunkenly and passionately explaining this whole thing. he says his own line and the trent actor (who also has a wig) gets to act it #trent waving his hands as he's explaining all this. the host being like 'not very often we get to have someone include the part where They #come into the story' and trents like [dorkiest finger guns] #also yes i said first tenure bc this scenario lives in post canon fantasy fix it land where ambiguously ted comes back to richmond #at some point. and also both bc my tedependent heart is obsessed and bc it's really funny #marries trent. just bc i want this to end with trent--hammered and pleased as punch--being like AND THEN I MARRIED HIM!!!!! #[falls back on couch happily] :) #also in the line of that great 5+1 social media fic #by jessjessthebest. a sequel thats just like a youtube video like #'we made ted lasso and trent crimm watch that episode of drunk history about them' and trent is just. head in hands the whole time. #ted is DELIGHTED. #anyway i rotate this in my brain fucking DAILY. it's so goddamn funny to me. #ted lasso #tedependent #tedtrent #trent crimm #the line in question being 'is this a fucking joke' i just realized i did not clarify that #no but really im obsessed with this it's so fucking funny #also any image trent had left of being a ruthless ex journalist is thoroughly ruined #all of his former colleagues have seen him and drunk and giggling and fully admitting what he was thinking at the time and oh boy #hes a disaster <3

[ms-all-sunday]

i mentioned this on a post before, but i really dont think people understand zoro/luffy/zoros relationship to the other strawhats in general. zoro is imo the most mischaracterized out of all the east blue members and because of the mischaracterization issues with zoro/sanji it only gets worse? people dont understand that he wants/craves validation specifically from his people, and he loves them even if he can't say that aloud or articulate it as well as sanji could, he loves them very obviously. (theres several examples of how zoro will try to look cool for nami and luffy the most. the way people misinterpret zoro and nami is actually very similar to how people misinterpret zoro and sanji, but i digress)

zoro likes all of his people. loves them. is their friend first and foremost. what people misunderstand about him is assuming a romantic context would override/diminish the feelings of devotion he has already, on a baseline, for his partners.

#modposts #zoro and nami dont get along is one of the worst takes ever. have you ever had friends????? #meta #op #one piece #roronoa zoro #i feel the need to emphasize zoro and sanji as people who are similarly #fundamentally people who are friends and love eachother #im talking about this in a shipping context but #im also talking about it in a “these people are friends” context #i make jokes and other people have made jokes to the extent of “zoros biggest misinterpretation is that hes a top” #and what people mean by that is that he wants to please other people. all the time. he just doesnt know how to do that #and is kind of socially awkward. #and by other people i mean his fucking partners!!! his goddamn girlfriend and boyfriends!!! he wants to please THEM. spefifically #he doesnt care about anybody else. #east blue polycule

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

It caught me off guard but there’s this exchange between Hosea and Arthur that for me happened right after the bear hunt, where Arthur suddenly says his back hurts, and Hosea gleefully says “well lie down and let me get crackin” and Arthur is like haha NOOOooooo! no thank you I am backing away from this interaction haha! the implications are killing me

1. Hosea gives back massages

2. Hosea is extremely enthusiastic

3. Said massages are terrifying for the recipients, to the point that it has become a running joke in the gang.

#red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #I. also like the idea of him actually giving a massage when needed not as a joke or intimidation tactic #but also I feel like maybe. Dutch tried to order him to give an unneeded back massage when Hosea was in the middle of something #and Hosea pinned him down and meticulously passive aggressively cracked all his joints and wrenched all his joints loose #in a medically helpful but completely unsettling way #you made me put down my goddamn book I'll give you a goddamn massage but I am leaving my bedside manner with the book #which you made me put down on the other side of camp. #Dutch got up fully relaxed and flexible. and shaking in his boots. a full hour later. #he was not allowed to opt out when he thought they were done #hosea matthews #talk to me about the ginseng and crime novel loving old man #edit: found the actual context for this it's in the notes

[isthatafuckinggayangel]

Someone has to have talked about it this before, but did anyone pay attention to the design of Bucky’s arm between the one HYDRA gave him and the one Wakanda gave him? Like, the functionality of it.

Here’s the HYDRA hand and arm from a few angles and close-ups for reference on it.

You notice how the panels are all broken up? Especially on the hand and forearm. It allows a full range of motion.

Like, actually move your hand around. Look at what parts move and what stays still. Fold it up weirdly and shit without actually causing discomfort/hurting yourself then look at the WS hand. The hand above is accurate to how a hand works. For example, when you clench your fist, your pinky and ring finger move farther in where your index and middle finger remain perfectly aligned and your pinky goes farther in than your ring finger. This range of motion is shown to be possible in the WS hand, as shown by the small paneling on the actual knuckles below the ring and pinky fingers. There's also a little paneling under the index which allows for movement there, but it's less than the ring and pinky, which is accurate to actual hands.

There’s a lot of similar stuff I could point out across the rest of the arm, but let’s move on to the Wakandan arm.

Here’s some images of it for reference.

Look at the hand here. It doesn't have the same paneling under the ring and pinky finger as what's in the WS arm, nor the index finger (which you can't see very well here, but still), which limits the range of motion. You wouldn't be able to clench your fist if you had a single flat panel across the knuckles on the back of your hand. In fact, you wouldn't be able to hold your phone properly, type on a phone or keyboard, or hold a plethora of other things. It's a severe lack of available range of motion in the hand alone.

There's a plethora of tiny panels in areas on an actual arm that wouldn't move. Larger panels are all you would need on a majority of the forearm as well as the upper arm (smaller panels on and right next to the wrist and elbow are good). Small panels indicate either a wider range of motion or a small range of motion in a small area, which is simply not present in the areas some of those tiny panels are placed.

The combination of these two things tells me that no thought was put into how the Wakandan arm would work functionally. It's clearly designed for aesthetics, not functionality, which is the opposite of the WS arm.

So not only is the Wakandan arm the one that's been used at every turn the MCU makes an ableist joke using Bucky, but it's also an active hindrance to his ability to function.

The shapes of the panels on the WS arm were designed with functionality in mind whereas the Wakandan arm is purely aesthetic.

Really shows the MCU's current priorities with him, huh.

#I'm actively pissed off about this #they make him the butt of the joke at every turn but don't even have the decency to give him a functioning limb #I don't want to see a single goddamn comment about how this is blowing things out of proportion either #he deserves to be treated with respect and this is a huge indicator that they don't care about him #tw ableism #i don't even know how to tag this properly I'm just angry #I only noticed this because I was going to paint the arm on a pair of shoes that I was customizing for myself #the way I can know nothing about what the inner workings of something like this would look like #but I can tell they didn't put thought into how the paneling would realistically work #how the fuck can I #an amateur artist #tell that the arm design is all sorts of fucked up better than the professionals that made it #I'm just #how can you fuck it up this much

[ambiguousdisorderken]

something tumblr loves to do is recreating the big bad straw man vegan because it's easier than reevaluating your beliefs and god forbid changing your habits, again and again and again and ag

#oh yes this is about the vegan to ecofasc post #so we are ecofascists because we do not support animal abuse??? #get this. veganism is For the animals. first and foremost. #they are not objects. we do not own them. they do not exist to benefit us humans. we are not entitled to their bodies. #yes! i too used to say oh i could never go vegan. but it's not about me. it's about them. i dont want baby chickens to be ground to death #i dont want cows to be raped again and again just so i can drink milk from their udders wtf #i dont want whales and dolphins to be sentenced to a lifetime inside a tank with no contact with their kin #i dont want another ryder lying on the streets of new york because he was exploited so tourists could prance around #i dont want beagles or rats or monkeys suffering inside laboratories getting experiments done on them #animals do not exist so we can abuse them #i loved fried chicken too much and my favorite food was sushi and i didnt see animals as beings #and all i see now is the mass suffering that we cause and im ashamed and i wish people on this goddamn website understood #because when i was at the supermarket someone made a joke pointing to the dead bodies of baby turkeys frozen and wrapped up in plastic #and they thought it was funny and i would've thought so too before. and now it's just . a fridge with corpses. and we had no right. #and it's victims you're making fun of. it's not vegans. #now go post in support of all other social movements. as long as they're human-centered of course #vegan #boohoo to anyone and everyone getting mad at this or saying i missed the point . i did not . #the only time carnists reblog vegan posts is when said post puts veganism in a bad light. pleather or quinoa or almond milk or ??? #oh but dont you dare compare humans to animals!! why the fuck not . antivegs will be the first ones to say animals eat other animals. #im so tired so fucking tired and it's this tumblr toxic troll behavior whenever veganism is mentioned

[yaboisnelf]

i bet dick is the kinda guy to see roma tomatoes at the store and say "omg guys, theyre just like me fr" and then get a basket thrown at his head.

#digital art #sketch #dc #procreate #jason todd #bruce wayne #dick grayson #has that joke been made before? cus i think of it every time i see roma tomatoes at work. literally like: #goddamn. dick would sooo make a joke about these #i didnt draw it exactly. i have sketches but yk. they werent very good and this one has no waist so i thought it slayed #i love him. i want to marry him (i do not) i want him to suffer (thats more true) hes my little guy my bbygorl my one and only #trying out designs for the batfam btw. might make bruce a little darker toned cus like. hes jewish. im jewish. #i wanna match up. accuracy (vague). anyways. dc is being au-ified by me. the au is i like jason and bruce and everyone is slay. boom. #i feel i should actually explain it but i dont want to </3

[ban-joey]

sending laser beams to my professor with my mind. kenneth you said midterm grades would b up by this afternoon. it is officially TONIGHT and guess what? kenneth i would love to not be clenching my teeth in my sleep tonight. kenneth i will be sending you a bill in the mail. yes i know its probably a TAs responsibility but i blame you personally. i hate school

#i dont im having a lot of fun (genuinely) but it is often pretty stressful #did find out there are a few folks adjacent to my program doing zoonoses & climate change research so im very excited to chat w them next w #possibly directing my thesis towards one health. social epi gradually becoming less interesting #plus i think my strengths do lie in applying epi to biological concepts so. one health works there #my brain continually trying to get back to lyme disease :( sometimes i really do miss the east coast tbh! #not lying actually i think the number one thing i miss is the amt of vector borne disease research LMFAO #i do unfortunately kind of have a crush on a classmate so that's fine but whatever. grad school. men are nice to me and i lose my mind ig #need to go make out w a hot trans person i think that would solve my problems rn #but also it's nice to be so excited about someone deciding to sit next to me in every class :) #like wow how isolated have i been the last 3 years to be so delighted by like. active signs i have Officially Made Friends. #even if he does live like a block away from my dad and jokes every goddamn day like 'so i saw your dad yesterday' no you DIDNT shut UP #idk yesterday he sat right next to me in a class he usually sits w other people in and it sort of sent my brain off the edge and now im jus #yeah. sitting with this one. it's fine like it's normal. but wowie i do think it's my first time having a Big Ol Crush since (redacted) #a little scary for my animal brain i think but it's okay! #im 25 in like 3 ish weeks and i still get embarrassed about this stuff somehow? stupid. #he's just really nice and always really fun to talk to! i think i had to officially Sit With Myself today bc epi is doing a holiday party #and there's a baking contest and we were talking abt it in class and i was indecisive abt whether i want to participate #and he like fully cut me off and was like oh you should bake something so i can have some :) #and. well fuck now i have to lmao. IM SO EASY IT'S SO EMBARRASSING #good evening everyone. guess this is my journal now. anyway ken rice you owe me twenty dollars and i aim to COLLECT

[tabellae-rex-in-sui]

"Il me faut un bon lit, mais pour moi tout seul, une seringue, et le roi de Prusse."

This is an absolutely deranged sentence and I refuse to believe Voltaire, wit and wordsmith Voltaire, was oblivious to how this line could be read, let alone by Frederick. My guy,,, why the FUCK do you write like this

[source btw]

#the context for those curious: #Voltaire was asking Fritz to send him some laxatives only available in Prussia made by a doctor there #since he was having stomach problems yet again #Fritz responds calling him crazy and that doctor is a quack and those pills are only used by women who want to give themselves abortions #but that he'll still send them to V since he asked for them. He (again) tells V to vome visit him and promises to give him a bunch of stuff #when he arrives. specifically; a laurel crown; poetry; and a ''young virgin for your use'' #V thanks him but insists he doesn't need a virgin or nonvirgin for that matter: ''I need fur in the summer; not girls..'' #and thats when he says the above quote #joking about his health; saying he only needs a bed for himself; and enema; and Fritz #but saying ''I only need a bed; an enema; and you'' goddamn V i refuse to believe you aren't doing a double entendre #and he's made the enema/sodomy joke before; in the Montperny poem

[perenlop]

well i finished renegade. i sure was renegading all over the place

#it was alriiiight.... but man i hate to say it but i think i have more complaints than praises #i DID like florins new execution route and i liked talons deal. the entire end of night spell deal was horrifying and i loved it #i love that genre of horror like ''you die twice when you get forgotten after death'' #so seeing it play out here was horrifying in a good way. talon and amber's deaths were both so fucking good like goddamn #they were just as heartbreaking as they needed to be. especially ambers like when you go talk to tesla after #but. man i dont think meta games are for me cause ngl i was sorta just like ''aight.'' to most of the meta here #like that was the one thing about talon i didnt care for. i thought ''everyone i know and love is going to die and god is screaming at me'' #was a fine enough motivation to go crazy and become a rift. i thought it was compelling and tragic and a good thing to do #with a new character. but then he started going ''in older versions of the game i wasnt even there i was just a prop for the backstory'' #and thats sorta when i started tuning out. like i cant explain why but i feel it made the scene more... cheap? #i think just cause personally ive seen that motivation a lot in meta games before and its gotten old to me #tbh the entire meta angle is whats really dragging this down to me. dont get me wrong i love eizen and his scenes #but i dont see why we have to canonize the game's update cycles as like a critical part of the world #and then theres m2 who i have mixed feelings on. cause i love the character type of ''ive been through so much shit idc anymore'' #and they end up being kinda goofy and saying inappropriate/out of pocket things while trying not to discuss The Horrors #ive written more than one of those types of characters. but with m2 its like she doesnt know how to turn that off #like spacea and tiempa's deaths being a tera raid parody where they joke about being in a crashing plane and get bashed by extra melias #it just felt like. unfitting. (also a nitpick but goddamn that scene made my head hurt with how much the screen wobbled) #like really? this is the sendoff they get in the fucked up and evil route? and idk i just dont think m2 was all that funny. #she was more grating than anything tbh. and i just feel like her existence and the bad timeline is just Too Much #like there were already so many plotlines and arcs and do we Really need a new-ish character right before the climax #idk. im hoping v14 is more cohesive in this department #for now im taking a much needed break from this game lol

[astrxealis]

comin in ere just rq to say tldr (final. real.) fuuta !! i want him to be voted innocent/forgiven bcs i hope he can. make peace with himself. i think he's truly a good guy at heart even if that doesn't excuse all that he did (i think he's. some sort of victim too and he deserved better. by this i mean like w his friends?? some sort of pressure and all. also the fact all the blame got put onto him which sucks but also with context, if that context is right, is rather deserved ngl. also i'm worried if he gets voted guilty bcs something bad will def happen)

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #⋯ ꒰ა milgram ໒꒱ *·˚ #being a twitter user and chronically online did this to him /j #joking bcs yeah a bit of that maybe but i think the guy is kinda lonely. like. friends but there's the pressure from them too and all #yeah my thoughts are clearer now (phew!) i think i think too hard and too much but thinking so much was fun tbh #now i'm chill (listening to haruka's song on repeat as i try to do homework. keyword try) #he/milgram/viewers/es. the 'same'. and. agh. it is just so interesting and so so amazing to me (wow!) #but now i will try to chill (keyword try. it is 1 am i really should do my homework i hate chem) #i have more hw for the week still and then next week... i'll try to do my best and hopefully not get distracted #it's still kinda complicated bcs i want to vote 'what would be best overall' but yeah forgiving him aligns with that i think #as well as my own personal beliefs. so yeah #huh. i think i just thought way too much and confused myself (happens often bcs i try to understand all sides. oops!) #i like fuuta a lot. he reminds me of himself and that's another reason why i think forgiving him this time is for the best #and then ultimately forgiving him as well. but imo guilty first trial actually makes sense even if... at the same time idk #it kinda broke him uhh. made him unstable and all. yk the drama audio yeah. but it helped in making his beliefs better and all #i think milgram makes my brain go into overdrive. maybe even a bit too much #didn't realize how much time passed and i was just thinking and talking about milgram goddamn #hi more thoughts but yeah... he feels regret and i think hes starting to feel guilty. maybe? im not sure my head is sort of a mess again #maybe i just need to sleep. it is 5 am now. hmmm. but yeah hes definitely changed #he's heading towards improvment <3 !! fuuta innocent so true please #im still confused about whether the whole. Guilt thing #sometimes i forget what some words mean or use them as synonyms oops (metavoting and guilt oops!)

[sylhea-raemi]

l absolutely love the concept of samatoki starting to act very caring and attentive to sasara and the clown's just. "??????? is samatoki sick rn or something? is the world gonna end? what's happening?????"

#he's just genuinely confused he never ever thought samatoki would act like this to him #and when sasara asks samatoki why he's suddenly being so kind in a joke-y tone samatoki answers 'youre my best friend and partner so #it's only natural' and sasara's just '!?!???????????!????!?' #pure confusion he's not used to this side of samatoki lmao #like the side samatoki always shows to sasara it's his rough bad boy side and SOME BITS of soft side #but like when his caring and attentive shows much more? sasara doesn't know how to deal with someone who's doing things for him! #raemblings // mcd/smss #look the root of this idea is sasara was the one who likes to do (almost) EVERYTHING back in mcd era and samatoki appreciates his actions #and samatoki one day deciding that hm i should make up to him i should return the favor #not really lile that but like samatoki realizing that despite sasara twlling him to trust the cloqn more #despite that— saaara himself haven't actually fully trusts samatoki and have his walls up #so like samatoki doing step by stwp of having sasara completwly warm up to him #or or like ANOTHER CONCEPT is samatoki only realizing how much he actually deeply care about sasara when he's gone #so when they meet again and made up samatoki decides to go 'even though we're not partners anymore i'll be a better friend from now on' #LOOK OKAY THE 'samatoki started acting attentive and caring while sasara gets purely confused' IS JUST *CHE'S KISS* GOOD SHIT #sylhea talks hypmic #the thing is there's the (higher?) possibility of samatoki jsut not trying? like if sasara doesnxt want to trust him or open up then fine #just leave him be on that as long as sasara puts enough trust on samstoki it's all okay for him #but like goddamn samatoki i want you to want things lmao #samatoki CAN be clingy. just not to the ones who's being clingy to him first lmao #idk if clingy is the right word for it.... maybe 'being awfully close'? #'close physical contact'?? #idk man im just craving for clingy samatoki x very confused sasara lately (read: always) #uuuoooaahhaUJhauoauOuaoUUaoauOuaoaGHaghhHahuaoao samasasa uUoaauOUoaauOUaoauO #*hands in head* AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH. GODDAAAAMMMIIIITTTTT

[snekdood]

me and my boyfriend were having a conversation earlier about how creepy my dad is and how he 1 used to spy on my mom w binoculars in his car across the street after their divorce (she got a restraining order luckily) but also 2 i remember him threatening to kill my mom and her current husband and i said something about how "i used to be scared i'd see him outside of my window watching me, even though he would probably just go after my mom i was worried he might try to kidnap me-"

and then it all clicked for me. the reason zero is the way he is is bc of my dad. the reason my comic is the way it is is bc of my fucking dad!

#like yeah he has elements of my brother and sister too but ultimately they suck bc of my dad. esp my sister. #anyways hes maybe one of the worst ppl in the world actually! #vent #learning more and more that if someone reminds me of my dad? i gotta fucking avoid the shit out of them. my sister does. my brother does. #and so does my abusive ex. i just remmebered getting that weird vague feeling when i was with them but brushed it off. I really fuckin #shouldn't've though goddamn. right down to the compulsive lying and extreme manipulation tactics. oh and the wanting to kill me shit #bc i dare make them ever view themselves in a critical light ig. #kinda like what happened with my mom and dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!! today has been rough emotionally :)))))))))))))))))))) #wish i could say its empty threats but hes an actual republican and has a shit ton of guns so yeah. doesnt matter how empty it is #everyones still gonna assume the worse when you're compiling guns and talking about killing someone you claimed to fucking love #and for him? it really was all about losing power over her. if he couldnt have her no one did. which was ironic bc he never even #fully appreciated her when he was with her and made fatphobic jokes about her. but suddenly she wants to leave and its an issue? #ig when the person you claim to find so unappealing rejects you too it bruises harder if you're a narcissist who relies on building #yourself up by putting people you claim to care about down. #and then he used me and my siblings as pawns in his game. in his 'war' against my mom. #this is why my ex has been so predictable this whole time... ive literally lived through it. it was LITERALLY my childhood #everyone but me believed him when he started making justifications for the way he physically abused her. but thats the #thing about ppl who are abusive in this way- slowly everyone starts to realize they're lying. and the only ones who stick around #are the ride or dies with no standards for themselves.

[wildwhiskey236]

Sometimes I feel like I'm too nice, that I let people walk all over me and I overthink everything I say, but then I say something that I think is funny- in the context of a joke- and people act like I'm the rudest, meanest, vile person so I really dont understand what I'm doing wrong here

#it wasnt like a joke making fun of how someone looked or anything like that! #it wasnt offensive or i didnt think it was #it was about bards! #my dm started a weekly bard memo and he started this weeks with a joke #a necromancer is just a cleric thats a little too late #someone else made a joke that what he said wasnt funny #so i said “oh look another bard that thinks humor is a substitute for talent” #one guy thought it was funny #everyone else went dead silent and his girlfriend sent that gif of the little blonde girl looking confused #and more silence #so maybe i should keep my goddamn mouth shut #whiskey rambles #i never know what to say especially not anymore

[tired-biscuit]

18+ MDNI, fem!reader

having this really specific — and kind of goofy — thought about getting a tiny rubber duck as like a joke gift for your boyfriend yuuji, and him making sure it’s turned around whenever you guys fuck in the shower.

you’re having a full blown make out session and the water is hot as it runs down you both — yes, you’re squeezed together that tightly. his pink hair is dripping wet, it sticks to his forehead, and his mouth has formed into this adorable ‘o’ shape as he pants and stammers and grunts from how good your touch feels as you stroke him.

he’s got one palm pressed against the tiles that you’re leaning against, the other one is cupping your pussy. his fingers lazily circle your clit as his tongue tangles with yours; the tips nudging your warm entrance every so often and gathering the sticky arousal there before it can be washed away by the water because he knows he won’t be able to push that fat cock of his into you otherwise when the time comes for it.

however, when that time does indeed come and you hint at getting slammed, yuuji is pulling back, his honey-coloured eyes suddenly open wide. he’s still breathing like he’s just ran a marathon instead of standing in the shower and his broad chest heaves up and down as he turns his head to the side in one sharp movement; right in the direction of the spot where you both keep your shampoo bottles.

“yuuji…? what’s wrong?” you ask, eyelids still heavy with lust. it makes your vision somewhat blurry.

“just a sec,” he rasps, searching amongst the bottles. “gotta make sure we don’t have an audience.”

“an audience?” you repeat.

“yep!” he says, popping the p. “i meant this little sucker right… here.”

after a little rummaging, he finds the thing he’s been looking for: a small rubber ducky that you’d gotten him months ago as a means to cheer him up after he’d had a particularly bad day.

you watch, brow quirked in quiet amusement, as he carefully flips it around then, making sure it remains in the same exact spot, but this time with its little beak turned towards the shower wall instead of you.

he treats it with such care, like it’s made out of gold instead of plain vinyl. knowing him, he probably does see it that way and it makes you huff a laugh.

he’s just so goddamn endearing, isn’t he?

seemingly pleased with his actions, yuuji swiftly focuses his attention back to you. he smiles that beaming lover boy grin that you feel weak in the knees for, and his hands are loving but firm as he grabs you by the hips, silently urging you to press your front against the tiles instead of your back.

“okay, your turn now.”

with how hard he is, something tells you he won’t treat you as gently as he did his present.

#this was fun to think about ok!!!!!!!!! #yuuji x reader #yuji x reader #yuuji smut #yuji smut #jjk smut #jjk x reader #biscuit drabbles