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kylequat · 5 years

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monkey, 10/16/17 - 1/11/19

this was my cat, monkey. i adopted him from a friend who found him as a kitten and raised him, but then had to move to an apartment which didn’t allow pets. he went from an indoor cat in an apartment to an indoor cat in a pretty big house, which he would run laps around. he tried to go outside desperately all the time, but we couldn’t let him out bc he hadn’t been neutered yet. on halloween night, he broke out around 8 pm, and made it all the way to my friend’s house - a mile and a half away. he returned safely at 3 am. we got him neutered and microchipped, and i got him an adorable collar with a bow tie and name tag. we let him run around outside, since he’d made it to my friends house and back safely. we absolutely loved each other. my mom said he would meow for me all day when i was at school. he would flip onto his back when he saw me so i could pet his belly - something he apparently only did for me. he was a big boy and i could bury my face in his soft big belly - mutually beneficial. he got pet with a human face and i got to stick my face in a cats belly. he chilled with me all the time in my room, he had food, water and a litter box all there.

yesterday, i was petting him, and he went outside. i didn’t see him for a little while, but i wasn’t worried bc he did that a lot and was always fine.

then i got a text from the microchip company. someone had found him, and he was now at a nearby animal hospital. he didn’t need medical attention.

i thought it was a glitch at first. i had just seen him.

i looked at the location of the animal hospital and called them.

they said someone saw him get hit by a car at camden & charmeran, a busy intersection very close to my house. they took him to the animal hospital, but he was already dead once he got there.

it had been raining for a few days, which we were all thankful for, being in a part of california which didn’t get much rain.

this also made it harder to see on the roads, and slightly slippery.

people drive very fast on camden, especially around that turn.

i’m thankful someone saw it happen and took him quickly. he wasn’t wet, and when i got to see him, i had trouble believing he was dead. he looked fine. i pet him and rubbed his belly, and it felt like he was just asleep. he wasn’t even very cold.

i put him in a circular wood box lined with the LoZ blanket he liked to sleep on. my mother and i lit sage and thanked the powers of the four cardinal directions, and their correspondences. i buried him in my backyard near the corner of our fence, which he liked to sit on and keep “lookout” for us. i put the still-lit sage on top of his box, with two large pieces of petrified wood. i began burying it after the last embers died.

this morning, i sprinkled some weed on his grave (he liked the smell of it, i swear) and drank some coffee, and remembered the mornings where he made it difficult to get out of bed. he was a very persuasive cuddler. i smoked most of a joint, but let it go out before it was finished. i placed a buddha statue and more petrified wood over his grave to protect him, and buried the roach for him.

i loved this cat with all my heart and soul. he was the second soulmate i met in october. the other almost left me by the end of that month, but i got several months with this cat. he was the only thing that could comfort me after the loss of the first. they reminded me of each other heavily. people told me “hey, you didn’t get the guy, but you got a cat! that’s way better!” i didn’t believe that entirely at first, i was still distraught by the first loss. but this second loss honestly hit me harder. this cat loved me unconditionally and always wanted to be with me. he loved me like i loved the other. and i loved monkey, he was my son, my sweet big baby. i would hold him and put his head on my shoulder, swaying lightly while leaning back so his body weight was mostly on my chest. i would sing to him, and he would listen to he music i played. he always wanted to see what i was doing. he sat on my jacket as i embroidered it, almost drank paint water, and tried to grab my pencil with his hands. (this cat did not have front and back legs, he had arms and legs. very dexterous.) he would purposely walk into my weed clouds to get stoned. i did not force it on him. we would cuddle for hours, stoned and happy, with him purring loudly the whole time. sometimes, he would start purring just from me looking at him. he loved me so much. he was my child. i wanted to be with him forever. he was so young. he was only about two years old. my two dogs from childhood are now both 13 and 9, and my mom’s bf’s dog is 15. they’re all more bonded with my mother and her bf since she is home almost all day and they like to sleep on their bed much more than mine. i put them on my bed and they lie down for 15 minutes, then go back to my moms room. this was perfect for monkey, who now got me all to himself. i felt less lonely since the dogs had been like that before i got monkey. i always had a soft warm big kitty pressed against me, purring so loud he would blow air through his lips. he had the best smile. he looked so happy. i feel terrible that he died so soon after i got him. but i also know that all the time i had with him was full of perfect love, and he seemed like a cat in heaven. there was nothing i could’ve done to prevent it, so i try not to feel guilty, except for one thing: he left around 5-6 pm, and before that he had been meowing at me to feed him. he was already developing a gut because when i first got him, i just fed him whenever he was hungry. then i read the directions on the bag, which said to give him about 1/4 of that. i was giving him twice as much as recommended already, feeding him in the morning, usually around 7 am before i went to school, and 7 pm. he left just before 7 pm.

if i had fed him, he wouldn’t have left. he would’ve stayed and chunched and munched and cuddled me.

but he was an adventurous spirit, always very curious. yesterday, he just decided to try to explore a new area of the neighborhood.

there’s a stoplight about 2 blocks down the street from where this happened, which is dumb because there is a park which would be a much better spot for a crosswalk. but there isn’t even a crosswalk. to a park. it’s just a 4 lane 30 MPH road. next to a park.

if there was a crosswalk, people wouldn’t drive so fast right there. my mother has several stories of people and animals dying in that spot.

i miss my baby. my room feels empty.

#trigger warning #animal death #trigger warning: animal death #sad #monkey the cat

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