#HIDAN KILLING THE PEOPLE THAT DESERVE TO DIE.
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Hello, good evening to everyone <3
I'd like to know your opinion of Uchiha Itachi. I think this character is a failure. Kishi could have made a masterpiece of him, but he took the easy way out. So, what do you think of him? Is he a hero? Or a psychopath on a grand scale? Has he really escaped the curse of the Uchihas? Does he really deserve his fans?
Physique: I've got nothing to say about that - the fangirls and fanboys are right, he really is handsome.
Originality: For that, no, Itachi isn't original. We've seen the dark-haired dark-haired bad guy who's actually nice and a double spy a hundred times, although personally, I think even that's a failure. My favorite Harry Potter character is Severus Snape. Itachi is exactly like him, so why don't I like him? We'll see about that later.
Character: Inhuman. Boring. Cold. The list goes on. I have nothing against cold characters, on the contrary, three of my top 10 are cold, namely Tobirama, Madara and Kakuzu. Except that they're HUMAN. Tobirama gets angry at his brother and Naruto, makes fun of Minato's technique names, gets angry at Sasuke. Madara has a sense of humor (cf. Obito's flashback and when Naruto arrives on the battlefield), we see his suffering at the death of his brother, and he's really nice, but that's another subject, Kakuzu argues with Hidan, worries about him, Kakuzu argues with Hidan, worries about him, loves money (yes, it's love, even if it's for banknotes) whereas Itachi is a void, he doesn't talk to Kisame (I'm not asking him to chatter like a magpie, but to use at least one complete sentence with subject, verb and COD, the minimum! But even that he doesn't do) But when it's about Sasuke, the guy suddenly has emotions! In short, he's heavy, cliché, tries to give himself a mysterious side (in vain), and behaves like a real asshole (he traumatized Deidara with his shitty Sharingan).
Story :I really liked Itachi, he was one of my favorite characters in part 1, I even saw him as one of the main villains, along with Orochimaru and the Akatsuki leader. But after knowing the awful truth (I don't thank you for that, Tobi), he was kicked out of the VIPs with my shoe in his face (from BG). I'd have preferred 100 times over that his parents and clan put too much pressure on him as a child, so that he went crazy and killed everyone. Or limit him to a megalomaniac who kills everyone because he's worth it. In that case, you just get inconsistencies as big as the perfect Susanoo. Seriously, he had a choice. Stop saying he's a poor victim, he could have used the Koto Amatsukami, or tried to convince his parents, or proved, by bringing Tobi back to the village, that the Uchiha clan had nothing to do with Kyubi's attack. But no, it's too difficult, better to slaughter them. What the hell, it's his family! There were kids, women, old people, civilians... And he killed them! And his poor parents who refused to fight him, who loved him and were proud of him to the very end!
Besides, Fugaku asked him to take care of Sasuke, and what does he do? Tsukuyomi, take that in your mouth, little brother! It would have been more merciful to kill him. He's ruined her life, and made her suffer. All for nothing! War was going to break out sooner or later, and it wasn't the massacre that stopped it. His love for Sasuke is selfish and possessive. As soon as he sees Sasuke happy, with friends, re-Tsukuyomi. And he told Sasuke to kill his best friend so he'd be strong enough to beat him. Can you imagine if Sasuke had killed Naruto at the Valley of the End?
He was also supposed to be a spy within the Akatsuki. I recall that Konoha had no idea of the identities of the members, knowing only Kisame and Itachi. He could have given them the names, but the Konohanians would search the Bingo Book and bingo! They got the information they wanted. He could have said that the boss is called Pein, runs Ame and has the Rinnegan, instead of letting Jiraiya do the work and die because of it. He said absolutely nothing about Tobi. For a spy, he's really failed throughout his years in the organization.
He fails to implement his plan, his Plan B too, since he used Shisui's eye on himself, he doesn't even try to reason with Sasuke, it's Sasuke who follows him to get the answer. He doesn't even try to make up for his mistakes!
What I reproach Itachi for is failing miserably at everything he does, behaving selfishly with Sasuke, forcing him onto the path of vengeance and traumatizing him for life, having had everything, but everything to make him a unique and interesting character, but who in the end turns out to have no real depth, a mere cliché.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject ;)
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Shika fucking owns a transphobe
Shikamaru uses they/he pronouns. Some of his subordinates don’t get it. He explains begrudgingly. (special thanks to @superdragonoftheeast for helping me edit this fic)
Shikamaru wasn’t the type to start arguments. Everyone in the village knew this about them: ever since they were a child, they would much rather stare up at the sky than waste their time on battle training, or pick fights with kids over who was the strongest in their class.
Sometimes, though, fights were unavoidable. They had learned this lesson when they fought Hidan to avenge their sensei. That fight, they knew, was justified. After killing such an honorable man, Hidan deserved to die. Some fights, however, were less justified. Shika tried to stay away from these types of fights, but sometimes they just couldn’t help themself. This was the case when, early one morning, one of their subordinates timidly walked into their office. “Shikamaru…” the ninja began. Shika didn’t bother to look away from the window, instead jerking their head to the chair in front of their desk. “Shouldn’t you be on a mission?” “Yes, well - my team was supposed to leave today, but we had a question,” the shinobi looked as if he was trying to pick his words carefully. “We were digging through some old files for research, and we found some reports from missions you went on. Sir, have you always used they/them pronouns?” Shikamaru took a deep inhale. They began to rustle around their pockets, trying to locate a cigarette. As they lit it up, they responded, “is that a problem?”
“I-I mean…” the shinobi grew flustered, “...a-aren’t there only two genders?”
“You think so?” This was enough to make Shika finally turn away from the window. “You’re telling me that guys like Orochimaru identify as male? You’re willing to look me in the eyes and say that when Orochimaru possessed that Grass shinobi’s body all those years ago to sneak into the Chunin exams - that that was a man.” Shikamaru was now staring down at the shinobi, his brow furrowed.
“Th-that’s an exception-”
“And Pain? If he showed up in a female body, what pronouns would you use? Or if Sasori showed up controlling a female puppet?” Shikamaru paused, taking a long drag of his cigarette. “That’s the thing about gender: it’s not binary. Seems like you’re a little slow to understand that.”
“But-but it’s based on your physical sex, right?” The ninja questioned, exasperated. Shikamaru just chuckled.
“Dead wrong, pal. You see, gender’s just what we make it to be. We raise male ninjas to be strong shinobi, and female shinobis to be caring kunoichi. D’you think that those traits really depend on what parts you’re born with? Or clothes - do you think babies come out wanting to wear skirts or pants? Do you think they give a damn because they’re born with one part or another?” When the shinobi failed to respond, Shikamaru continued. “Exactly. Gender isn’t all that complicated. The villages categorize these dress codes and ways of acting under the guise of physical sex. They assign pronouns to these aspects and say that we’re born with a specific gender, but in reality, it’s got nothing to do with what we're born as. It’s got to do with how we feel. And some of us choose to live outside of those categories.”
“But they/them pronouns can’t be u-” Shikamaru was no longer listening; instead, he was rustling around in their desk. When he sat back up, he held a small manual in his hand.
“Are you familiar with this?” They asked.
“O-of course, it’s the ninja handbook.”
“Page 16, section 8. “If a team member’s life should ever be at risk during a mission, one should not focus on saving their partner but instead on completing the mission.”” Shikamaru didn’t even need to open the book, instead simply tossing it onto the table. “Does that ring a bell?”
“Yes,”
“And does “one” sound like multiple people?”
“N-no, sir.”
“And tell me, what pronoun is used to describe this “one”?”
“The book says “their,” sir.”
“Case in point,” they sighed. “They/them pronouns are used widely when describing a vague person whose gender is unknown. People only take issue with it when they’re being used to describe something known. It’s annoying.”
“I think I understand,” the shinobi gave a brisk nod.
“Not everything needs to be comprehended in order to be respected, you know,” Shikamaru leaned back in their seat. “Sometimes you just need to shut up and use the correct pronouns for people. Do you have any more questions for me?”
“N-No, sir.”
“Good, now get out of my office.” They gestured towards the door, a small smile creeping onto their face. “And if anyone else has questions like that, you handle them. Answering stuff like that all day is too much of a drag for me.”
#naruto#Naruto Shippuden#naruto fanfiction#shikamaru#shikamaru fanfiction#trans! shikamaru#trans shikamaru#naruto imagines
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hi hi 🌸 hc for pain noticing he is in love with his s/o? how would that happen, like, suddenly or he would understand since the beginning? 💖
Pein Falling in Love with the reader
I felt the need to write more of this but I don’t know if this is exactly what you want! So please if you need me to add anymore or explain it better I would happily agree thank you for being my first request! And I can’t wait to write more! This is supposed to be gender neutral so if I wrote anything wrong please tell me where and I definitely fix my mistake🌺✨
✨Around 860 words!✨
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🌸( Yandere )🌸
Yes.. he exactly knew it was wrong but he couldn’t help it.
the first time you meet is probably when he was making you join the Akatsuki, this is where it all came down to when he felt a little part of him want to open to you, kidnap you and make you his little cute spouse he knew his feelings were wrong but he knew his feeling could or couldn’t get in the way of the akatsuki dream so he kept his emotions deep down inside of him just waiting for the moment he could just eat you up While leading you back to the base to put you in a fitting team
As you started getting along with the other akatsuki that when what started everything, the way he just wanted to take you for your own making him super jealous of everything you had to offer to the others sharing bingos with Itachi? Sparring with kisame? Counting money with kakuzu? Flowering gardens with Zetsu? they didn’t even deserve any of your time and what about spending time with him? not one day you could spend the time with him, he was growing angry each time minute by minute every time you would share your kindness with deidara and sasori and all those puny little members but him? No you would always be too nervous or shy. It is not like he has traumatized you at all; he hasn't even touched your arm or any beautiful body part. So why are you so damn afraid of him what did he not do that the others could! I mean Zetsu literally eats human and you sit there and laugh with him!
After those times and many more he would always keep watching you every time keeping more and more track as used the excuse of Konan who has found her friend many times watching you as just making sure you're keeping track and not giving your kindness to enemies. The first move he decided to make was to talk to you and gain your trust easily but yourself poor naive yourself just had to fall into it, He started a conversation with you about how you like being in the akatsuki itself to be able to hear your sweet delicious voice it so beautiful.
You feeling told you to both stay away from him and trust him but your mind refused to leave him. ( his feelings were notice he knew that they should be ashamed all along but he couldn’t of help it so that mostly answers your questions) As you started being his right hand person he used this time wisely to make a plan to kidnap you and keep you locked in the base.
The day has finally come the day where you would be kidnap and his spouse, it was about time where a meeting was about to start. You kept writing in pain signature as his right hand Person as you didn’t feel anything behind you, you felt a dark presence and your Eyes kept looking at the clock and the wall your senses were going crazy but when you turned around you couldn’t see anything you turned back around as just you were crazy of your mind was as you started doing work and you were suddenly knocked out by such force.
You woke up and looked around. “ Pein..?” You heard his deep dark voice say “shhh darling you need to be quiet or I may have to knock you out again.” Gasping for air you knew what was happening “ let me go please…” you begged in a whisper.. “ sorry darling that is not aloud. Not as your leader tells you.”
🌸( Not Yandere! )🌸
No he really didn’t fully into meeting you!
he first found out he liked you when you first joined the akatsuki on a mission your smart and intelligent brain knew how to process stuff faster and your technique was way better than the rest of the akatsuki people. He teamed you up with hidan and kakuzu to make sure you were making sure they were doing the work and not killing or destroying the body, which helped a lot he probably knew that he liked you but didn’t admit it do to the trust issues and wanted to know if you were truly wanted to actually be his spouse or where you only using him!
Konan will be your biggest supporter if you like pain but don’t know how to confess! Konan is Pein's best friend and knows what is in his mind and she even helps him try to confess to you even though both of you guys don’t even know you're crushing on each other! I very much advise that you never ever cheat on him. No No No you will die by Konan hands if you do! Don’t even try! It will brake a lot of people!
Also please be kind and respectful he mostly looks for those kind of traits if your spicy he won’t mind but plain out right rude and hateful it will brake his heart! He shall know pain if you do!
If you guys do confess either you do him please be careful when taking care of Nagato due to Nagato frail body you guys can’t do any dirty stuff because he can’t even last it and if he does make sure to let him breath give him great aftercare even if he can’t give you anything back a lot of mutter and babbling apologies will be out of his mouth as all you can do is kiss his check and lips and say sorry that he have to deal with this! Just be by his side that all he is asking for you!
Nagato truly loves you just as much as pain does but due to his frail body there’s nothing you can both do besides show great affection which is mostly you taking charge! Sometimes you even have to sit him up and put clothes on him just because he can’t do it due to his weak body so please be there and not leave him in the dust! He loves you more then anything and he truely realize it to the end! Mostly because of you! So he will thank you a lot! One of peons favorite thing is cuddling you in his robe as you guys take a walk on the breezy day!
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Taryn I'm so bored let's spice things up.
🔥- Sasuke
🔥 - Madara
🔥 - Rock Lee
🔥 - The Akatsuki Movement in general
Sasuke
Sasuke was right to want to seek revenge and a change of the system, and he was right to kill Danzo (and should have been allowed to kill the other elders too tbh) but where he took it too far was wanting to kill all the kage’s, which includes gaara. A boy who was directly harmed by the exact system sasuke wanted to change and who wanted to make it better.
Sasuke should have been allowed to be a part of konoha in a way that meaningfully changed the system insread of just deciding ‘actually everything is ok and i’m going to leave to ‘atone for my actions’
Madara:
I’m going to say it. Not impressed.
Like seriously inwould have liked the war arc a LOT more if it was Just Obito and he got to die a villian, and the old Kage’s were never brought bCk. Madara had an interesting story in the past but bringing him and the kage’s back completely destroyed the point of characters LwYs saying ‘the new generation surpasses the old’ and was honestly so boring in my opinion.
I do not understand the love for madara and i probably never will.
Rock Lee
Man got done dirty. He came in and made a damn show of pointing out the sharingan’s weakness (taijutsu) and just how powerful taijutsu was but then shippuden and now boruto just… urge
Boy deserved to kick more ass
The akatsuki-
Not all that interesting? Like i legit do not understand the facination. I’m not trying to say people can’t enjoy them obv cuz to each their own, but i just… don’t get it?
Kakazu is not hot. Sorry, ewww
Hidan’s just stupid and ya it’s funny but people who think he should have won against shikamaru and kakashi are hilarious because the entire point of that arc was immortality like hidan’s could only be defeated by intelligent approach and not brute force. A character like gai would never have been able to defeat Hidan, even though his is physically far stronger. Hidan and kakazu needed to be taken down by intelligent characters and it’s why i like the fight. Seeing kakashi use his intelligence and having shikamaru’s intelligence shine in battle.
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Bloodlust
Summary: You were a rookie Jashinist with a dark secret, he was a demented shinobi with a desire to slaughter anything and everything for his god.
Pairing: Hidan x Fem!Reader (canon verse)
Warnings & Content: dark content - minors dni, language, blood kink, kidnapping, murder, oral sex (male receiving), vaginal fingering, unprotected sex, knives, human sacrifice, cult-like behaviour, religious fanatism, Reader and Hidan are... insane, slight gore.
Word Count: 2.8 k
A/N: Read those tags carefully. Hidan's not exactly a warm and fuzzy character.
"Please, let me go... I won't tell anyone." You peeled your lips open, dry from all the crying and lack of hydration, hairs stuck to your sweaty forehead.
"Let you go? But... you came here willingly." He sneered, flashing you his teeth.
He was right. You joined the Jashinists thinking they were a liberal religion, preaching freedom and anarchy, but you did not expect sadism and human sacrifices. And you didn't expect to fall in love with Hidan — the most vile man you've ever encountered. Not that he knew that, anyway. He couldn't possibly fathom the idea that a sweet thing like you could love a man like him. But you weren't a saint.
"T-then why are you doing this to m-me?" You breathed, the ropes around your wrists cutting the blood circulation in your hands.
Hidan clicked his tongue and placed his scythe on the floor. "Because I can." He picked up a knife — no, a kunai. "And because you wanted to run away."
Ah, there it was. You decided to leave this cult when Hidan prompted you to kill some poor ninja he'd kidnapped a few days ago. You refused, expecting to be left alone, and now you were the sacrifice.
"I t-told you, I- I only kill those who deserve it."
"Everyone deserves it, Y/N. Especially traitors." Hidan traced the blade over your exposed abdomen, goosebumps dotting your skin and you were ashamed to admit that it made you feel... something.
"So, you're just g-going to kill m-me?"
"Don't be sad. You'll make a fine fucking sacrifice for Jashin."
"Please, Hidan, give m-me another c-chance." Tears pooled at your eyes. Death was not on your list, not now, and especially not at his hands.
"You know we don't give second chances." The blade was now between your tits, the tip slowly poking into your skin. Crimson droplets seeped from the fresh wound. It stung like a bitch, and it made you whimper, but the heat in your cunt signalled your arousal.
"You d-don't, but Jashin does." You whispered, and Hidan was completely taken aback.
"Excuse you?"
"Every t-time you failed to kill someone, hengave you another c-chance." You spat at him. "What m-makes you think he won't g-give me one?"
Confused wouldn't even begin to describe what he felt. Hidan blinked slowly, trying to comprehend the question before he dropped the kunai and left without a word.
You didn't know exactly how much time passed since he left. By this point you couldn't feel your fingers and the room began to spin, head dizzy from exhaustion. The door swung open and you shot your head up, startled by the sudden intrusion. Hidan walked in with a terrifying look on his face and bent down to grab the blade. He slashed the first rope and your hand fell limp by your hip.
"You're lucky he's a benevolent god." He slashed the second rope and your knees hit the cold, hard floor. Fear, happiness and anxiety coiled in your stomach, surprised that you have, indeed, been given a second chance.
"You talked to him?" You shook your wrists to get the blood flowing, eyes finding his.
"Yes, and surprisingly he likes you. Says you have potential." His voice went up an octave when uttering the last word in what seemed to be sarcasm.
Still on the floor, you arched a brow. "Do you doubt his judgement?" You suspected it was a mistake to ask that question, because in a split second Hidan yanked your hair and pulled your head back to look at him upside-down.
"I'll die before I doubt the good lord. Who I doubt is you." He pierced your soul with his sangria eyes, chills running down your spine, stopping in-between your thighs. You hated the effect he had over you, you hated that he was so oblivious to your hints, only focused on Jashin. Always Jashin.
Granted, Jashin did offer Hidan immortality, which was something you could only dream of. You were a pathetic civilian with a knack for medical jutsu, but never properly trained. He was a full-fledged shinobi who could snap your neck like a twig if he wanted to. And he wanted to.
But, the word of Jashin was law for Hidan. As much as he wanted to sacrifice you to his beloved god, he had to refrain himself, fearing punishment for his sins. And as much as he hated to admit it, you shared and valued the same goals of Jashinism — to a certain extent. You were down to slaughter people, but only those who deserved it, and apparently to Jashin that was enough. But not to Hidan. Never to Hidan.
"Jashin says I have potential, it's not up to you to talk back." You mustered up some courage after your wounds healed. That medical jutsu thing you practised for self-healing really came in handy when Hidan had violent outbursts and Kakuzu wasn't there to put him in his place. Shame you didn't know how to use it to heal others.
"Listen here, you little bitch, just because you've been pardoned now doesn't mean I'll hesitate to stab your tits when you disobey the lord." He let go of your hair and you leaned forward, palms on the floor to stop you from falling. "Besides, you're gonna have to prove yourself. Again."
You knew exactly what he meant. You had to kill. And Hidan wasn't one to let you off the hook — you'd have to kill someone innocent, and the idea of performing such a sacrifice made your stomach churn, it made you want to throw up, because you knew you'd enjoy it. Murdering someone deserving felt like a chore, like something natural. But the thought of killing someone undeserving made your heart flutter, your cunt burn and your head hazy with a high so addictive, no drug in the world could compare to it.
"Don't make me kill someone, please."
"Oh, spare me of your holier-than-thou bullshit. You either kill or be killed, Y/N. Now let's get to fucking work." Hidan bruised your arm in the process of 'helping' you up, unaware of the pleasant surprise that lurked within you. Because if he knew the real you, he'd probably question his own sanity — and that's something he'd never done. The real you was obscene, twisted and demented, long before you discovered Jashinism, but you tried to bury that part of you deep down. You seemingly succeeded, focusing your bloodlust on anarchy and overthrowing the Tsuchikage with a group of punk teenagers from your village, Iwagakure.
Until you met Hidan.
"I really don't want to do this." You pleaded with the silver-haired man, hands trembling and eyes watery.
"Kill him, Y/N." Hidan rolled his eyes, the blades of his scythe pressing into your back as you pressed your kunai into the victim's neck. "Kill him or I kill you."
"Alright, alright, I'll do it. But give me some space."
"Tch, pretentious bitch." He stepped aside, watching you carefully.
"More space." You demanded and he took another step back with an impatient look on his face.
"There's only one exit to this cave. If you think, for a fucking second, that you walk out of here alive you're wrong. Unless you kill him." Hidan licked his lips. "Jashin demands a sacrifice. Now."
You looked down at the symbol drawn with the victim's blood, then back at the man in front of you. His eyes were wide open and filled with tears, arms chained to then wall of the cave. He frantically shook his head, saliva dripping from his gag as he prayed for salvation.
"I'm so sorry." You spoke — not sorry for the victim, but for yourself and what you'd become after this day. Slender fingers lifted his chin upwards and with one swift movement, you slit open the skin, blood gushing out, spraying your face, neck and cleavage. "Fuck..." You moaned, the hot crimson liquid dripping down your chin.
"See, it wasn't so bad." Hidan elbowed you but you didn't move, instead, you gripped the blade handle tightly and drove it into the victim's abdomen, more blood spluttering on you when you removed it. "Oh, you want more?" The rogue shinobi quirked a brow, content with your choice. Adrenaline and arousal rushed through your veins and you dropped the kunai, the clanging echoing in the cave.
"Hidan..." You trailed off, tentatively unzipping your black cloak. "I want you to fuck me."
The silver-haired man watched you smear the blood over your exposed tits, his cock twitching in his pants. Finally, he realised just how beautiful you truly were, the pure ecstasy on your face igniting a flame in his core.
"Here?" He asked, somewhat surprised by your request.
"Yes, please." You turned around to face him, and the look on his face told you just how impressed he was.
"Now aren't you just so full of surprises? And here I thought you were just some goodie two-shoes who refused to harm people." Hidan removed his Akatsuki cloak, letting it fall to the ground, allowing you to see just how hard he was. You bit on your lower lip, the metallic taste was pure bliss in your mouth. "You filthy, disgusting whore." He sneered, his lips crushing yours in a shameful, euphoric kiss. The moment his tongue touched the blood in your mouth, his skin began to darken, his body linking with the victim's, meaning he hasn't died yet.
"Isn't he going to feel everything?" You pulled back from the kiss, but your voice wasn't in any way concerned about the man chained to the wall.
"Oh, he's going to feel it, alright." Hidan laughed, his hand pushing your head as you lowered yourself down your knees. Fingers tugged at the waistband of his pants and you pulled down both of the layers, his cock slapping your face. "Suck."
You obediently parted your lips, taking the velvety tip into your mouth, tongue swirling around it before you moved to his shaft. Hidan threw his head back, his fingers tangling in your hair as you bobbed your head back and forth, your moans music to his ears. The gurgling sounds coming from the victim told you that he, indeed, felt everything Hidan felt and your twisted mind enjoyed it so fucking much. You picked up the pace, earning grunts and growls from the rogue shinobi before he held your head in place, stuffing your mouth and throat with his thick cock until you dug your fingers in his thigh, desperately trying to breathe.
"Jashin was right to give you a second chance." Hidan released you and you gasped for air. "You're his gift for me."
The blood on your body dried out, but you were just as beautiful. You leaned on your back, spreading your legs for him. It was a smart decision not to wear anything underneath your cloak. The silver-haired man kneeled between your thighs, his hands bruising your skin with rough touches before he found your dripping cunt.
"Shit, Y/N, you're soaking wet." He shoved two fingers between your folds, curling them upwards. You squirmed and moaned, desperate for something bigger.
"S-skip the foreplay and fuck m-me!" You begged but Hidan wasn't one to listen. He thrusted his fingers in and out of you, enjoying the way you thrashed and moaned his name, enjoying the way you arched your back with every movement.
"You're so beautiful." He confessed and you were caught off guard. It was the first time he ever said something nice to you, let alone compliment you. "You really are a sight for sore fucking eyes." Hidan removed his fingers but before you could say anything, he shoved them in your mouth. "Don't you taste like a needy slut?"
You nodded with lidded eyes, cheeks hollowed as you sucked the slick off of fingers. Hidan hovered over you, his cock grazing over your slit and aching clit, then kissed you with so much force and passion you almost couldn't breathe.
"Fuck, you taste good." He grabbed his shaft and pushed the tip painstakingly slowly between your folds. Oh, he was so much bigger than you expected, but you quickly got accustomed to his girth, mouth agape and eyes rolled back in pleasure.
"Shit- Hidan!" You bucked your hips, legs wrapping around his waist as he wrapped his calloused fingertips around your neck.
"Jashin damn it, you are so tight. You're not a fucking virgin, are you?"
You shook your head, fingernails digging into his back and the victim gurgled again. Hidan released the grip from your neck, instead holding you by the hips and frenziedly pulling you onto his cock. It was sinful, degrading and demented, and his brutal, animalistic thrusts only turned you on more. The sound of skin against skin, growls and moans echoed in the cave, and soon enough Hidan's bone-like markings faded. You didn't care, he was still buried into your cunt, but the thrill of having your pussy obliterated next to a dying man dissipated, replaced by the pure lust Hidan radiated.
"Fuck, I'm-"
"No, you're not. Not until I fucking allow it." The silver-haired man pulled out and you cried, literal tears pooling at your eyes as you were on the brink of an orgasm. "You've been a bad, bad, girl, denying Jashin, denying slaughter, denying me." He gave your cunt a firm slap which vibrated through your entire body, ending with a whimper.
"Y-you have n-no idea how m-much I want you, Hidan." You squeezed your thighs together for a crumb or friction, but he forcefully pushed your knees to the sides.
"Then you should listen. See what a good job you've done today?" He tilted his head to the chained corpse.
"You d-don't understand... I've g-got an insatiable bloodlust." You admitted, but you knew he'd only be more intrigued.
"That's exactly why you've been drawn to Jashinism." Hidan flipped you over, and you were down on all fours. He pushed his cock back in you with one deep thrust, earning another moan out of you. "Embrace it, Y/N. You and I can do great things together, for him."
"But it's wrong." You whispered and you could feel his arm slithering around your neck, pulling you closer to him.
"And who told you that? Society? Your parents? Nah, I'll be your daddy from now on." His fat cock brushed against your cervix, your silken walls clenching around it as he fucked you harder. "You wanna come, don't you?"
"Oh, yes!"
"Yes, what?" Hidan tightened the grip, your back against his chest.
"Yes, daddy! Please, I want it, I want it!" You whimpered.
"And are you going to give Jashin everything he wants?"
It was decided — Hidan stripped you of any speck of humanity or rationality you had left in you. You loved him, after all, and he loved Jashin.
"Yes, I will! Jashin can have anything he wants as long as I have you."
"Good girl." He kissed your head before releasing your neck, hands gripping your hips to hold you in place. "Nowyou can come."
Your cunt was aching for release, and you mustered enough strength to rub your clit in messy, circular motions. Soon enough, you felt it coming — the rush of adrenaline as Hidan fucked into you, fingers pinching your sore nipples. You came on his cock with a soft moan and with one final, violent thrust he fills you up, cum dripping from your sloppy cunt as he pulls out. You rolled on your back, propping yourself on your elbows and Hidan froze, the sight of your used and abused pussy hypnotising him.
"Like what you see?" You grinned, fingers tentatively grazing over your slit, dipping between your folds before you brought them to your mouth to taste his seed.
"Shit, I think I'm in love." His sangria eyes bore into yours and your heart fluttered. You knew he was an asshole, and he probably only said it in the heat of the moment, but you were satisfied with what you got.
"What about him?"
"Meh, Kakuzu will take care of the mess. I wanna take a fucking bath." Hidan picked his red and black cloak up from the floor before getting up. "And I'm starving."
You pursed your lips and lowered your gaze. So much for being in love with you.
"You coming to the hot springs?"
"Me?"
"As much as I adore seeing you covered in blood, that shit's dry and crusty." He threw you your cloak.
"You wanna take a bath... with me?"
"Yes? The fuck are you acting so surprised? I just said I'm in love with you but you're surprised I wanna take a bath with you?"
"You know what, stop talking." You rolled your eyes and got up.
"I think the fuck not."
"Fuck's sake, Hidan, let's go."
"Fuckin' crazy bitch."
#hidan#naruto fic#hidan x reader#hidan x y/n#hidan x you#hidan smut#naruto smut#tw. blood#tw. knives#tw. murder
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Under The Mistletoe with the Akatsuki // Part 2 // Itachi
Itachi Uchiha
Itachi stands under the little green plant, looking unsettled. It was explained to him that this is “just a fun game” but this just seems weird to him. However he doesn’t wish to alienate himself from the group, so he complies.
Deidara
His first instinct is to pull a bomb from his pocket and hurl it straight at Itachi’s lips, because “that’s the only ‘kiss’ the Uchiha bastard deserves, hm!” However he’s talked out of it by Konan who tells him that such a thing would make him a really bad sport. He scowls but accepts it. Itachi murmurs softly “You don’t have to kiss me if you don’t wish, Deidara.”; he says it nicely, but Deidara hears it as a challenge. “Ah?! You think I’m scared? You think I won’t kiss you?!” He rushes at Itachi, leans in, and kisses him so aggressively that he accidentally bonks Itachi’s forehead a good one, raising a small bump for both of them. Itachi will just sigh (he really doesn’t understand why, even after all this time, Deidara still seems to hate him so much) and quietly say “Thanks.” Deidara will react immediately, going “Thanks? What the hell are you thanking me for, Uchiha? Don’t tell me you’re in love with me now?” and he’ll keep teasing the brunette until Sasori comes and drags him away.
Sasori
Another person to kiss? Really? Sasori never kissed anyone other than his parents before his transformation, but now it’s gotten out of hand. Nevertheless ... he leans up and gives Itachi a quick peck to the lips. Itachi doesn’t react but Sasori draws back, startled. What is this?? As someone who grew up with a knowledge of herbs and healing, and as someone who makes his own poisons, Sasori has become an expert at identifying various chemicals by a simple taste. But Itachi’s lips tasted ... strange. Something unidentifiable, but Sasori recognizes as dangerous. Itachi is ill; his chemical balance is completely off. A moment passes between them where Sasori almost opens his mouth and questions this, but the look in Itachi’s eyes tell Sasori that he’s very aware that he’s sick ... but intends to do nothing about it. It makes Sasori feel a great deal of sadness; Itachi is a calm, intelligent young man, and a good friend ... but this is his choice. Hidan is nearby and he sees the way Sasori and Itachi are staring at each other, and misinterprets it, saying loudly “Looks like these two went totally gay for each other!”; Sasori lashes out and hits him with a poison dart. After all, no amount of poison will make the white haired nuisance die; but maybe it’ll shut him up for a while.
Hidan
LOUDLY protests against kissing Itachi. He was fine with it when it was Konan, but this ... “I don’t wanna make out with this ugly-ass homo!” But the others tell him he has to. He’ll go into Kakuzu’s room and get his Sake, taking several healthy swigs before coming back out to where Itachi waits. The alcohol hitting him in full effect ((it was clearly more than a FEW swigs)) and starts telling Itachi some pretty awkward things (“Damn wait you’re actually kinda hot; with that long hair you kinda look like a bitch.”) and, grabbing hold of Itachi’s neck, pulls him close and plants a very sloppy open-mouthed kiss on him. The others make noises of disgust; alcohol or not he took it way too far. Hidan has the audacity to try and go for a second kiss before Kakuzu extends his tentacles and grabs him, dragging him away. The others ask Itachi if he minds going to brush his teeth before they have their turns, to which he heartily agrees.
Kakuzu
Two people in and this “game” has already gotten on his nerves. But he likes Itachi; he’s one of the few he’s never had an issue or an argument with. A kiss on the lips would have been beyond strange, so he settles on a light brush on Itachi’s forehead. The others tease him, but Itachi actually enjoyed the gesture; being kissed on the forehead reminded him of the one time in Itachi’s life that his own father did the same, after Itachi successfully learned a new jutsu. It’s a nostalgic feeling and a comforting one, which Itachi will hold on to for the rest of the day. Kakuzu, however, has slightly different feelings. As somebody who knows extensive medical jutsu, he took note of how overly warm Itachi’s forehead was. That, and, looking closely, the pronounced flush of his cheeks. It’s somewhat obvious that Itachi is sick; but Kakuzu has always seen the kid as capable of taking care of himself, so he won’t question Itachi on whatever may be wrong with him. He does, however, make a mental note to start slipping a herbal immune system booster into the tea that Itachi drinks so often.
Konan
Like Itachi did for her, Konan gives Itachi a warm hug, rather than a kiss. Her arms circled around his waist make her aware of how thin he is, how young. It’s so difficult for her to believe that somebody who possesses Itachi’s raw intelligence hasn’t even seen his 25th year of life yet. She tries several times during the embrace to let go, but Itachi is reluctant to release her. As with Kakuzu, Konan’s warmth reminds him of being hugged by his mother, something that he greatly misses. Eventually he does let go, only this time he follows up the hug by kissing HER, gently, on the cheek.
Tobi
“Hiya, Itachi-san! Is it Tobi’s turn to give you a kissy?” Itachi merely nods and watches Tobi approach. Unlike with any of the others, Itachi tenses up, and he has to fight himself on the urge to activate his sharingan. Something about Tobi, this tall, simplistic, childlike fool ... sets off ALL of Itachi’s warning bells. As with Konan, Tobi starts to remove his mask just enough to expose his lips ... but Itachi abruptly holds up his hand, stopping him. “No,” Itachi says quietly, and instead extends his arm for a handshake. Itachi can feel the energy coming off of Tobi; Itachi’s unexpected gesture has left the masked one a mixture of surprise, fear, and ... anger. But Tobi can’t afford to show this, to everyone else in the room who are already confused watching them. “Awww; are ya shy, Itachi-san?”, he’ll ask out-loud, before pumping Itachi’s hand up and down in an exaggerated gesture. He’ll walk away calmly, but inside, he’ll be in turmoil; because in those brief few seconds, Tobi has been able to sense it: Itachi had come within a hair of trying to kill him. Could it be that he’d figured out — but no. No, no. Surely just a mistake, right? Maybe Itachi really WAS shy, and by the time it was Tobi’s turn, his tolerance limits had been reached. A plausible explanation ... but was it the right one?
Zetsu
He sees Itachi standing under the mistletoe and thinks to himself, that man looks delicious. He’s eaten a lot of people in his time, but never once somebody who possessed the sharingan. Would that visual prowess make the meat taste better? His mouth starts to water; Itachi is fairly young and therefore should be soft and delectable. He stands there staring at Itachi until somebody (likely Kisame) asks him what’s up with that weird look on his face. Not wanting the others to think he’s any more of a freak than they already do, he steps up and kisses Itachi’s cheek — and takes the opportunity to flick out his tongue and lick the man’s skin. Saltier than expected, but warm, with a faint scent of tea. He quickly walks away before he loses control, and goes out into the night to find others to fulfill his awakened appetite.
Pein
Pein welcomed Itachi into the Akatsuki when the latter was still a very young man. Over the past few years he’s watched the way he’s grown and matured, and he’s come to think of him almost as one would think of a son. Pein will smooth Itachi’s hair back and lightly kiss his forehead, and then lightly pat his head, before going on his way.
Kisame
He sees Itachi standing there, and his heart jumps into his throat. Itachi ... is a level of light and of perfection that someone like Kisame doesn’t dare to touch. He stands back and watches the others have their turns. He’s gotten to know this man pretty closely these past few years, and can often tell what he’s thinking or feeling just by glancing at his face. Right now, what Itachi was feeling, was Patience. The kissing game is just another thing he’s enduring, not particularly liking or disliking it, simply getting through. Kisame thinks that he should spare Itachi and go quietly to his room, so that Itachi can return to his own. But Itachi sees Kisame start to walk away, and actually calls out to him, stopping him. Hearing his name makes Kisame’s heart thump even faster. But WHY? Itachi was simply his young friend, for goodness sake. An intelligent, thoughtful partner. A — “Hey shark man, you gonna slobber on red-eyes here or what?” Kisame glares at Hidan before walking quickly up to Itachi, he takes a deep breath and leans in to kiss his cheek— but Itachi turns his head at the last second, and Kisame finds their lips are touching. Kisame is not sure of how much time is passing; the clock seems to stand still for this moment. Itachi’s lips are as soft as flower petals, his hair smooth and silky as it brushes against Kisame’s cheek. Itachi eventually breaks the kiss, and, to Kisame’s shock, he’s smiling. Not the smirks or grins that Kisame has come to know, but a real, tooth-bearing smile. Seeing that expression makes Itachi look younger than ever to him, and Kisame ... feels flustered. Although there’s no reason to feel flustered. He’d only shared a kiss with his friend, that’s all. Both of them look at each other a few moments longer and then Itachi, his “sentence” over, says his Goodnights to the members and goes to his room. Eventually Kisame (and everyone else) does the same.
#the akatsuki#under the mistletoe#kissing#itachi uchiha#tobi#zetsu#konan#pein#kisame#hidan#kakuzu#deidara#sasori
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To Eternal Bliss, I’m so Glad to Know (ModernAU!Hidan x Reader)
The Rats 1k event prompt: Street racer x Hidan
A/N: hey.. aha.. how y'all doing.. hum so i haven't been doing great, I think that is evident through my inactivity on this blog, but that being said i am in a bit of a better place now. i finally have some time to myself and i intend to put that towards my 900 follower event. Enjoy this wonderful piece of modern racer Hidan that strayed into crazy murder himbo I love car man Hidan.
Title inspired by: this song.
MAJOR TWs: smut, harassment (brief, undescriptive), uhm murter, reckless driving, lots of mentions of and contemplations of death. You are a literal accomplice to murter. Reader is confused. But.. It’s not supposed to be gory and dark, I kinda wanted it to just be stupid and reflect a himbo hidan as much as I could. Last like 6 paragraphs aren’t edited.
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You shouldn’t be in a criminals car, much less in the middle of a police chase and much much less be falling in love with him.
His silver hair flashes wildly in the occasional flicker of red and blue lights, teeth bared; he was making that face again. That one he had when he first met you, lips curled and canines showing. It looked like he was in pain. It was just because he was actually trying to use his brain, you think. He grips the wheel tightly, the whites of his pale knuckles glowing as he swerves onto one of the busiest city streets you know.
Barely avoiding a collision with a distinct yellow blur you could barely classify as a taxi, he continued to speed through the lanes, horns blaring and merging into the sound of the wailing sirens quickly approaching. Another sharp turn onto a slightly less busy road had your body slamming against the console, leaning close to Hidan. Your eyes stray from the window and onto his face, unable to hear what he is saying, you make out the movement of his lips:
shit,shit,shiiit
The tires screeched as he fumbled around with the controls, sending the car into a full 180 and narrowly avoiding a police car sacrificing its auto body in favour of capturing Jashin. That was real close call, just scratching the side of the passenger door, but you wouldn't know; you were still watching your boyfriends features as he speeds off down another dirty alley.
You were pretty sure that one day you were going to die trapped in Hidans little metal box.. A distant part of you wanted to throw up when you realized you wouldn’t have it any other way.
Sure, he was obnoxiously annoying in the most serious of times and incredibly oblivious when you desperately needed him to get a clue. I mean fuck, it felt like despite his adolescent years of elementary and secondary school (which you’re not even sure he attended) his brain only had the capacity to process two things. The first being lewd shit and the second would be the gas pedal... and maybe half a braincell was in there thinking of you, but probably only of you in your panties or something really shallow like that.
You really shouldn’t love him.
Barrelling down the alley he randomly slammed the breaks down, the lack of warning sending you flying forward. Bracing yourself to be slammed into the front of car, but just when you thought you were going to break your nose Hidan reversed, sending your body backwards instead. You yelped and he sent you a stupid little apologetic curl of his lip before twisting his body, hand coming to your chair for support as he sped the car backwards through the trash littered street. You didn't understand why he suddenly changed his mind about the direction until a few seconds later when a black and white cop car swerved down the alley in the direction you were back pedalling from. Hidan must have known they were going to try and cut his route off.
At the sight of the police vehicle your boyfriend impulsively slammed the breaks, rolling his window down and leaning his head out of it, “Ha, you stupid fucks think you could catch Jashin with some lame shit like that? I could smell that from a mile away!” From your boyfriends childish tone you predicted he was going to blow a raspberry, but the sound of speeding tires approaching quickly stopped him. Sirens blaring, the police car sped its way forward.
“Oh fuck.” Hidan sped Jashin backwards again.
You remembered the first time you met Jashin.
It was late that night, you were making your long trek home after a disastrous closing shift. You were tired. So fucking tired. You never would have taken that shortcut if you weren’t truly physically drained. As you made your way briskly through that musky trash infested canal, you were stopped by a man who smelled just as intensely as the alley itself. It was so much so that you had thought that perhaps it was the mans smell that was so potent and not the space itself.
Defining what the source of that smell was wasn’t important though, not when he was coming straight at you with barred, yellow teeth. You didn't know what to do and to be fair, what the fuck were you supposed to do? He was yelling something, you couldn't hear it over the thrashing of your erratic heartbeat. Were you going to die? You were so fucking tired.
Maybe you should run.
You didn’t though. Didn’t have the energy. So you let the man come face to face with your figure, grabbing at the lapels of your coat and screaming. His breath was unbearable and you thought you were going to pass away just from the smell as opposed to actually being murdered. Although you suppose this could probably qualify for a murder, his breath was most definitely a weapon. But despite his shouts being directly at you, his humid breath spraying across your face as his chest constantly heaved, you couldn't understand what he was saying.
“Jashin! Jashin is coming!”
What the fuck was Jashin? Could you still not hear him? He was probably sick. You were tired. So you continued to let him shake your form. Was he going to kill you or just ask for some money?
Thats when a beast of sleek red metal swerved down the alley, trampling over peeled open garbage bags and beer bottles, approaching you with each sound of a crinkled can. It was gunning straight towards the man who was backing you up against the wall, he was frothing and screaming at the sight and the next moment the hood of the car slammed into his form. Despite your close proximity to the man, you were left barely unscathed and a little bit disappointed.
The scene laid frozen for a good thirty seconds: the man unconscious on the floor, your unsteady breathing and the window of the car rolling down. It inched back to reveal a man about your age - which made him just barely a man - with silver slicked back hair, barred teeth and knitted eyebrows.
“Shit.”
You just stared at him, backpack beginning to slide down your shoulders. He stared back at you, waiting to see what your next move was going to be. You didn’t have one.
“...If it makes you feel any better, douchebag deserved it.” The man said a few minutes later, he clearly wasn't expecting the crumpled body on the floor to have tried to seek out help, let alone from a cute girl. He smoothed his hair back.
His crappy attempt to seduce you didn't work and nor did his equally crap words of consolation, you were tired. This whole situation was even more tiring. You just wanted to sleep.
“I won't tell anyone, if you just drive me home.”
He clearly wasn't expecting that, you could tell that from the pained look intensifying on his face and his little choked gasp. A few moments later it released like an elastic band snapping and his features set into a smug smirk. A cute girl who wasn’t gonna snitch on him?
“You’re not going to question the fact that I just hit someone with my car? Is it cause I'm so fucking sex-”
You weren’t listening, walking over the heap of a body and around the car into the passenger seat. The contrasting smell of vanilla and cigarettes clouded your senses as you clicked your seatbelt into place - noticing his lack of one in the process.
You hated that your face was burning up as you spoke. “I live a few blocks away.”
For a while you were sure that this was the first girl Hidan had ever had in his car. It was obvious that he was freaking out, maybe if he didn’t hit people in alleyways and then blamed your silence on the fact that he was so fucking sexy, then maybe he would be able to talk to more.
He tried to blab to you the whole way to your apartment accidentally making wrong turns to try and extend the length of your stay. He told you about that man in the alley, said something about how he totally fucked him over in some black market shit for auto parts. Said his enemy, - he stressed this word very intensely - Shikamaru probably put him up to it. Nobody messes with Jashin goddamit, I fucking hate that guy. It was a shit justification for murder no doubt, there is never a good reason to hit someone with a car, but you supposed your indifference wasn't any better.
You stole a couple glances at him every now and then, when his eyes took a break from darting back and fourth between your thighs, your face and the road. He had a sharp jaw, pretty cheekbones, gelled back hair with small strands escaping every so often - causing him to brush them back when too many tickled his forehead - his lashes were long and his eyes so pretty so in the dim light of the empty city streets. His teeth were straight and sharp canines peeked out whenever he sent you a suggestive smirk.
You also spent an unbelievably long time watching his fingers maneuver the steering wheel, the way his hands flexed with a certain turn. The veins of his forearms travelling underneath his leather jacket pushed up at the elbows, his jeans were all worn out and faded and his shoes looked like they were about to fall apart, it was a big difference in comparison to the well kept state of his handsome car.
When he finally made it to your complex after running out of roads to take wrong turns down, he looked at you like a lost puppy, rolling the passenger window down to call out to you as you opened the lobby doors. “So I’ll meet you out here tomorrow then? Say, around 9?”
You turned to look at him confusedly, inquiring as to why he would be picking you up when you made no reservations to see him again, why would you want to see your accomplice in a murder ever again? But he was already speeding off before you got the chance.
At least you could finally go to sleep.
The next day he was outside your apartment fifteen past nine, blaring his horn as he maneuvered his upper body to hover out the window of his lovely Jashin. You were nestled on your couch, staring at the blue light of the TV screen in your dark apartment desperately trying to avoid the textbook glowering at you from the coffee table.
‘Cute kitten saved from tree’ was sprawled across the bottom of your television in bold letters as a perky blonde read off the little cue cards in her hand. You’d been watching the news all day, waiting for the red breaking news! To slice across the screen and read out the description of a crippled homeless gambler found dead in an alley, but it never came.
It mad you feel a little angry when you realized his death wasn’t going to be announced and you knew there was no way it hadn’t been discovered yet. Then you sat startled at the realization that you didn’t feel anything towards what happened. That the anger you felt in wanting it to be so desperately displayed on the news was because you hoped you would feel something then.
The sound of Hidans car horn threw you out of your thoughts as you jumped like a frightened cat to the window. Peeling back the curtain you were surprised to see that blood stained blotch on the road with a lavender haired boy peeking out, baring his teeth.
You contemplated staying inside, he didn’t know your apartment number, but you knew that he definitely wouldn’t stop blaring the horn if you didn’t. His hand was undeniably laying flat against the centre of he wheel as he continued to sound out, you heard someone yell for him to fucking shut up. Hidan continued as if he didn’t hear. It kind of flattered you.
You wanted to vomit.
You took the stairs.
It was the beginning of winter when you finally let Hidan fuck you. You were in some parking lot lined with pitch black shops on a Sunday night. Everyone closed early going home to their families, except the two of you of course.
It was odd being with him for this long. One outing turned into another and then another, before you knew it he was picking you up every night at nine -sometimes fifteen minutes passed,- blaring his horn excitedly as he peeked out his car.
He told you it was the perfect place to do donuts, didn’t you want to do donuts? You did. It was the beginning of winter. It was icy. His idea was incredibly fucking stupid. But you agreed because maybe you’d skid on the ice and smash into a store, get crushed by the crumbling debris..
There was little snowflakes hitting the windows of Jashin as you two sat parked in the middle of the deserted lot.
“You ready? Oh you’re gonna love this, babe.”
He grinned as your face heated up at the name, you always got all flustered whenever he said anything like that. It made him feel giddy. His long fingers start Jashin up, moving to clutch the wheel as the car thrums to life.
When he makes the first swerve with his car, he turns his head to watch your body all stiff and frightened. It was funny. He laughed as your face twisted into an even more flustered one - if that was possible. God, you were always such a hard ass at the beginning of the night, but when he dropped you off outside your apartment early into the morning he always made sure to leave you with a little smile on your face. Even now, this early into the night he could see the beginnings of one.
He twisted the wheel again and your body flew to the left, smooshing into the console and the surprised laugh that left your mouth had his guts twisting. He wanted to hear it again. Your walls always fell when he did stupid shit like this. You were kinda fucked up now that he thought about it. Always getting all giggly when you should probably be screaming at him to be more careful for fucks sake! But you never did and he loved that about you. Just as fucked as he was.
“Hey babe, babe! This one’ll be good. Watch, watch.” He gripped the wheel again and grinded his sneaker into the gas, the first skid across asphalt was intentional, but when he tried to regain the reigns of his dark red beast it began to thrash out of his control.
Goddamn ice patch.
The car twisted, screeched and burned into the pavement for a good twenty seconds and when he was sure you should be screaming because I mean come on, that was fucking scary, he heard silence.
As the car came to a complete stop and your body was once again flung against the console, he turned to you. He thinks he was gonna ask if you were okay but he couldn’t remember because the next moment you were grabbing tufts of his gelled hair and sucking his face off.
He loved every second of it. The amount of times he’d tried to get his dick wet with you before was astronomical, but you’d always tell him no and he would pout like a dog. But hey, now you’re shoving your tongue down his throat like a dog so he settled on the idea that good things do come to people who wait.
The reason you decided to do it then was blurry. One moment his car was skidding around the parking lot and you were laughing and thinking of the chance of death and the next second it spat onto your tongue and you realized you didn’t want it anymore.
Like that first time you slid into his car, as you kissed him now you tasted contrasting flavours. Mint and cigarettes. For a moment you thought you were going to pull away, but you felt the sudden need to drink all of it. To somehow understand why you felt like you were burning from the inside.
It was his fault really. Hidan made you feel less tired, if that was a good way to put it. You started looking forward to things after you two met and eventually you actually started to feel a bit more deeply for poor crumpled man in the alley. It felt as if you’re body was being thawed out by this silver haired idiot who was groping for the clasp of your bra underneath your shirt.
So you climbed over the console, fumbling with the side of his chair to pull his seat back as you began to strip off your top in haste. You unbuttoned his jeans and slid down to the space between his leg, choking and drooling all over his cock because when you did you felt all these funny emotions bubbling in your body, you felt alive.
He was a loud mouth when you had his dick down your throat, groaning and saying the dumbest, lewdest shit his sex wired brain could think of. You know how many times he’s thought of this? You feel so good, you feel so good. God this is so good, Jashin probably loves it too... We should fuck on the hood of the car next. Long slender fingers guided your head up and down him as he began to twitch thrust his hips upwards, finally spill into your mouth. Douchebag didn’t let your head go and you felt some of his juices dribble down your tongue.
“Swallow it, swallow it while my dicks still in your mouth... Atta girl, you’re so good. So greedy..”
And you swallowed it all, he hoisted you back onto his lap and pushed your skirt up. He was whispering all this perverted stuff in your ear and your mouth fell open against his neck. Words making you flush fiercely and slowly grind your hips against him. You stopped him when he was beginning to shove your panties down your thighs, though.
For the first time you felt small in comparison to him as you met his eyes. He stopped his movement seeming like he was going to say something too, but you cut him off.
“- Hidan... I’ve never done it before.”
He stares at you all wide eyed before laughing and for a second and you think about getting out of his car and walking home because that’s such a douchebag thing to do, but then he surprises you.
“Me too, I was just about to say.. but I mean it can’t be hard right? Well, I am hard,” he laughed and you found yourself huffing a small giggle at his stupid joke, good mood returning as he continued, “I was just gonna go with what I seen in hentais.” That explained his dirty talk.
It was pretty good for your first time though. Ideally not the best place to have sex, you kept hitting your head and he couldn’t quite get his hips thrusting at a good pace with the confined space, but you didn’t care. You didn’t care because it was Hidan and you think you just might be in love with him.
That’s why you don’t say anything when a few weeks later you see “Shikamaru Nara, infamous street racer found dead in a back alley crash.” flashing across your tv screen.
You don’t comment, just give a little understanding hum when Hidan calls you and tells you he can’t pick you up tonight babe, or for a few nights, Jashin needs some repairs..
It’s why now, as he speeds through the streets recklessly with your bags in the trunk and the sound of sirens ringing in your ears that you feel tears prick your eyes. You wish you could have told him to be more careful, that he shouldn’t have done what he did without planning it. Something, anything.. it’s too late now. But he’s not to blame.
You think it’s your fault, really.
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naruto for the ask game 😭😭😭
here we gooooo
blorbo: neji mf hyuga.
scrunkly: more like scrunk lee. an adorable creature
scrimblo bimblo: temari. queen was sidelined so fast and for what? she shone every time she was onscreen, however few those times were. give her to me. i’ll treat her right
glup shitto: TENTEN. i can and will overanalyze her 0.2 seconds of screen time and you cannot stop me
poor little meow meow: shikamaru. so few things that matter go right for him. he exists to be tormented but i do not believe he deserves it. i want to hug him so bad and perhaps pat him on the head and tell him he’s doing a good job
horse plinko: tobirama. i want to reanimate him just so he has to watch an uchiha become the hokage. then we can kill him again idc
eeby deeby: man FUCK hidan. murdering people to satisfy his religious agenda. if he can’t die he should have to spend eternity in a superhell beyond his comprehension.
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Many of Akatsuki fans want Hidan to stay alive no matter what. But why do we all hate him so much?
Surely, Hidan wasn’t a good guy and violently killed lots of people, including Asuma, but every time he killed a person he actually cared of his victim, feeling and suffering every hit and cut he was to deliver by himself. Every time he was to kill, he killed others by killing himself, and this process of sharing pain and last moments of life was extremely important for him. What is more, he wanted to be heard. He was a kind of attention-whore, and constantly got on his partner’s nerves just to talk, to show off, to somehow manifest the simple fact of his existence. (At least, that’s how i understand his behavior)
For such a socially-dependent person the situation of being stuck in a dark pit in the middle of nowhere all alone, feeling nothing but unshared moral and physical pain, and without a slightest chance of being saved even by that god of his is more than a severe punishment. It’s a real endless torture, which turns the gift of immortality into a curse.
And this brings us to a simple fact: sometimes if you like someone, it’s better to wish him death than life.
So, instead of wanting him to be alive, I truly wish Hidan could die there in the forest of the Nara clan. It would be much better for him, because not a person deserves the eternal punishment like he got by Shikamaru’s hands.
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Actually I have a lot heres a rapid fire ask: Naruto, Itachi, Temari, Neji, Guy, The Third (🗡), Deidara, and Nagato
Just answered Naruto!
Itachi: Itachi did everything wrong. Like obviously the stuff leading up to the Uchiha massacre wasn't his fault and he was in a very difficult situation but he really went above and beyond in being a terrible person and ruining sasuke's life and mental state every chance he got. And then at the end of it we're supposed to think he's a pure and good person who did nothing wrong. I don't think I'd have as much of a problem with Itachi if the narrative didn't want me to believe he did nothing wrong
Temari: I wish she was allowed to do more, she's really cool but the least developed of the sand siblings :( She takes on a lot of responsibility for both of her little brothers (who are BOTH handfuls in different ways) and if kishimoto wasn't such a mysoginist she could have had a really good arc about that responsibility and how she had to grow up really fast.
I think Temari collects fans with all different designs on them. I think that would be fun
Neji: Neji deserved so much better. I liked the fact that he taught himself hyuga techniques that he was forbidden to learn- I also like that this implies the rest of team gai helped him do this. Team gai said fuck the hyuga clan and their shitty customs. I want Neji to have friends and be happy and live a long life free from being fated to die for the main branch. I feel like the moral of his story actually ended up being "he can't escape his fate, he just needs to stop being so mad about it and live life while he has the chance, and accept the role he was forced into" which is... depressing.
Gai: He's married to Kakashi. People give Kakashi shit for playing favorites (probably because his team imploded) but gai is so transparent in his favoritism shffshdjgdgj rip tenten and neji. He still loves all his kids though. I have a lot of issues with the way he handled Rock Lee's injury (there was some weird codependece going on there) but he makes up for it by being actual disabled rep in boruto (hopefully this is treated well, I haven't watched boruto yet)
The Third: Bastard. Piece of shit. I'm glad he's dead. Allowed the Uchiha massacre to happen because he was just too gay for danzo. Despite this, he is homophobic. He's also canonically a fucking creep so 0/10 would stab. 🗡 🗡 🗡
Deidara: Deidara and Kurotsuchi were friends before Deidara defected from the village. Deidara and Konan are Art Friends. Deidara and Hidan hate each other but they hang out sometimes anyways.
Deidara really looks up to Sasori despite their disagreements about art, and sees him as a mentor in art, ninjutsu, and in the akatsuki. I think it's interesting to see how consistently Deidara defers to Sasori, looking to him for direction most of the time. It's a very unique partner relationship (PLATONIC) to see in the akatsuki. It definitely has something to do with the difference in their ages imo, especially considering how young Deidara must have been when they met.
Nagato: Nagato did nothing wrong. "He killed Jiraiya" As I said. He did nothing wrong. I love Nagato so much. He had so much hope, so many plans for the future and how the akatsuki was going to change the world, and it was all ripped away from him in a moment and it hurts..
Nagato Yahiko and Konan are all in love and dating.
Nagato had some sort of chronic fatigue/pain due to the strain his powers put on his body (which you can see even before Yahiko died and he did. Whatever that was) and used a cane a lot of the time.
I want a world where Jiraiya took them back to the leaf and he, Yahiko, and Konan took Naruto in after his parents died.
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favorite naruto characters! tsunade, sakura, temari, shikamaru, lee, iruka, kakashi, kiba, & naruto !!!
YESSS JO ok
Tsunadae - MY QUEEN !!!! One of my favorite things about her is how she believes in naruto. When they first meet she underestimates him, but after the fight with orochimaru she never makes that mistake again. You know that trope of officials being like 'you're too emotionally invested, in this, therefore I'm taking you off the case.' Tsunadae does the OPPOSITE of that. She's like you love sasuke and gaara and would do anything to save them?! Then u should !!!! This is ur mission now!! And I love that about her
Sakura - YESS kishimoto did her dirty and she deserved better. My favorite thing is at the beginning of shippuden when she takes command of the sand village hospital to develop a poison antidote and save Kankuro. She was so in her element I loved it. And then her fight with sasori!!
Temari - oh my God my sand wife. I love female characters with giant weapons (see also: sango from inuyasha). Her energy....
Lee - LEEEEE l!!!!! He is probably my actual favorite character I love him so much and I would die for him. He has all the best episodes in part one and it kills me every day that he's barely in shippuden at all. I could go on forever about this boy 😭😭
Shikamaru - YES he is one of my faves. He is the embodiment of someone so smart and lazy that they find smart ways to be lazy. His fights were always some of my favorite to watch bc of how he strategizes. And when he buried hidan and was like "I'm your God now." Chillzzzz
Iruka - omg iruka. He has the softest dad vibes. I just love that when naruto had absolutely no one, iruka was there for him. And then naruto asked iruka to be his dad at his wedding...... I cried bro. No other series could ever
Kakashi - when I first started the show kakashi was literally what actually hooked me in in episode 4. It's the mask. I love dudes in masks. And you'd think being as talented and mysterious and traumatized as he is and with the gray hair he would be one of those anime characters who are 2 kool 4 skool but he's actually very down to earth and acknowledges people like Guy. He just wants to chill and not let any more of his friends die
Kiba - sweet sweet dog boi 😂😂 he is actually hilarious, I love how he declares himself naruto's rival and wants to be hokage even though he's not even in the same league as naruto toward the end lol. But he got the spirit and I respect that. ALSO AKAMARU!!!!!!
Naruto - NARUTO!!! MY SWEET PRECIOUS BOY. I actually didnt even like naruto that much in part 1, but in shippuden he became one of my very favorite characters. He just has so much LOVE and PAIN and he can convince anyone to become good. What a talented kid. Every day I just want to hug him and adopt him. He is just so good.
Gaara - YESS this boi is one of my faves too. He went from insane child serial killer to the softest kazekage on the block and I just love him for it (all thanks to naruto I might add!!!!) . Literally all he needed was love and a nap and I JUST!!! Not to mention all the love he has for naruto is so pure. His speech at the beginning of the fourth great shinobi war had me SCREAMING
Thank u jo all ur faves are extremely valid 😘😘😘
Send me your favorite naruto characters and we'll talk about them
#naruto#naruto shippuden#naruto uzumaki#kakashi hatake#gaara#rock lee#tsunadae#kiba inuzuka#shikamaru nara#temari#iruka umino#also if ive already talked about ur fave just send them anyway and I'll say MORE!!!!#long post
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Whats your opinion on Shikamaru getting to have revenge on the guy who killed his sensei (in a rather? Stupid way?) but sasuke want allowed to seek some sort of outlet or revenge for the village killing his entire family and line of people? If that makes sense,,, because I have always enjoyed the hidan and kakuzu arc and the fighting but its just.... bad writing yeah?
Great question. Comparing and contrasting between Shikamaru and Sasuke was a massively wasted opportunity. However, it was deliberately wasted because the latter half of Naruto moved away from the direct causes of Sasuke’s quest for vengeance in favour of a bullshit fate and destiny plotline, where everything bad that happened in the shinobi world was because a cannibalistic sleeve monster wanted to resurrect his rabbit alien mother figure.
But come with me friend. Take my hand. I’m going to take you on a journey to a magical place: a land where we ignore that whole Kaguya bullshit. Do you trust me?
Ok, now that we’re here in Consistency Land, let’s take a look at what could have been done here.
1. Individual vs Collective Guilt
Shikamaru wanted revenge on Hidan and Kakuzu, the two individuals who had, directly, killed Asuma. Once he had killed them, he was satisfied.
Sasuke originally limited himself to the person he believed solely responsible for the massacre (Itachi). Once he learned about the role of Danzo and the elders, he moved from not only wanted to eliminate them, but to wanting to destroy Konoha because of the idea that it collectively benefitted from his clan’s massacre. Sasuke’s clan was massacred in the first place because of this extremely dangerous concept of collective guilt.
Now according to traditional East Asian strategy and history, collective guilt and collective vengeance is a huge pattern. Somebody wrongs your kin, you have to preemptively get back not only him, but everyone who might take revenge on his behalf. If you miss somebody, then that person is gonna go after not only you but everybody who might take revenge on your behalf, and pretty soon? Everybody’s fucked? Yes.
I mean you put it in your question that “the village” killed Sasuke’s clan. Obito and Itachi, the latter under extreme pressure from the elders especially Danzo, killed the clan. Teuchi the ramen guy didn’t do shit. Iruka wasn’t involved. The vast, vast majority of Konoha was not only uninvolved but completely unaware. But Sasuke decides they all deserve to die?
This of course isn’t limited to historical East Asia. The instinct towards collective guilt and revenge is a toxic component of bloodthirsty war hawk ideologies to this very day. “We’ll bomb them back into the stone age!”
As part of a redemption arc, Sasuke should have had an explicit realization that collective guilt is a false and poisonous idea, that to pursue it would make him morally equivalent to Danzo.
2. Collateral Damage
A hallmark of Sasuke’s journey to the dark side was ever increasing indifference to collateral damage. He started out being merely unconcerned about the damage done to people who were deliberately getting in his way, but avoided harming them more than necessary. Then, under Orochimaru, he slowly became more indifferent, although he held out a firm line against killing the prisoners he was given to fight for training. After joining Akatsuki, he crossed that line when he killed the samurai. Then in the fight against Danzo, he reaches his nadir when he fires through a teammate to kill Danzo.
In contrast, Shikamaru shows no sign that he would have been willing to hurt, maim, or kill third parties to go after Hidan and Kakuzu.
3. You Can’t Change the Past, but You Can Protect the Future
There’s an inchoate idea in Asuma’s death and Shikamaru taking up his Will of Fire about “protecting Konoha’s king”, Asuma’s unborn child and, in extension, all the youth of the village. Shikamaru is not merely stopping Kakuzu and Hidan because of revenge, but because They Must Be Stopped. If they are allowed to live, they will continue to cause harm.
(I say inchoate because the Naruto ending dropped this idea in favour of letting Orochimaru run around freely abusing children, letting kids like Sumire be raised in a toxic scapegoat atmosphere, etc etc etc, but remember, we’re not in Canon Bullshit Land! I’ve taken you away to Consistency Land! Hurray!)
In contrast, Sasuke is only ever concerned about revenge for the past. He has no concept of making a better future for anyone, even himself, until the very very end with his Evil Plan To Save the World where his idea is, get this, “kill all the leaders, take over the world, and achieve world peace through everyone hating my guts”.
Then he loses to Naruto in a physical fight, and acknowledges that he’s lost, whereupon he promptly… leaves the village and basically never comes back. Um. Excuse me, sir, I ordered a redemption arc???
Where is it??? WHERE’S MY GODDAMNED REDEMPTION ARC, KISHIMOTO?
Kishimoto: redemption arc machine brokeMe: understandable, have a… wait JUST A FUCKING MINUTE
But anyway. These are what I see as what SHOULD have been the three key differences between Shikamaru’s revenge and Sasuke’s.
#reconciliation and redemption???#i don't know her#shikamaru#sasuke#naruto analysis#sasuke x revenge#the real otp#shikamaru vs hidan#uchiha clan#anti-naruto ending#anti-boruto#naruto meta#fandom to the rescue#why i love fanfiction#naruto#i should have a tag for asks
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55. First Married Fight
Pein
It was quite uncommon for you and Pein to have any arguments. So you were surprised to find yourself very annoyed with him. Well not him, but his working habits. He was now rarely home and when he was at home, he usually was still busy to interact with you or your son. It was alright at first, but Elliot was missing his father now. So, you had to confront Pein.
He was finally home but was held up in his office. Usually, you'd knock before going in, but this time, you didn't. You nearly burst into the room.
“Honey, we need to talk.” It was clear in your voice that you were unhappy.
“What is it _____, I'm busy.” He didn't even bother looking up at you.
“I think you're working too much. It's starting to affect Elliot. He misses you. We miss you.”
“I understand, but right now we have a lot going on. I can't afford to be home currently.”
“Don't you care about us? You don't even greet us when you come home! Elliot cries for you now! If you aren't going to even speak to us when you're home, don't bother returning!” With tears in your eyes, you fled from his office, slamming the door behind you.
Zetsu
Arguments with Black Zetsu were common and frequent. You were used to his rude words, but you drew the line at him being rude to your children. Black Zetsu hardly even interacted with the kids, but when he did, he was incredibly rude to them. You mentioned it to Zetsu and told Black Zetsu to stop, but he'd ignore you. It all came to a head when Black Zetsu told Danny and Sammy that he regretted them being alive.
“What the hell was that?!” You yelled after you'd finally gotten the sobbing children calmed down and away from Zetsu. “How dare you tell my children such a thing!”
“They were-” You cut Black Zetsu off instantly.
“Who cares what they did?! You don't tell your own children that you regret them being alive! That can cause damage to them in ways you clearly don't understand!”
“Who cares?”
“Who... You know what. Just go. I need to go and comfort my children. I don't want to look at your face for a little while.”
“I'm sorry, _____...” It was White Zetsu, but his words meant nothing to you at that moment. You were too angry and upset to hear him anyway.
Sasori
You and Sasori had some fights, mostly due to his impatience. It was rare for you to be angry with him, but one topic always got you annoyed with him. It was him turning people into puppets. Especially when it was someone you knew. So, today when you walked into his workshop and saw a man you'd befriended, you were noticeably upset.
“Sasori, what the hell is that?” You demanded as you approached your husband.
“My newest puppet?”
“He's my friend! I told you to stop killing my friends!”
“He flirted with you, so it was time for him to be out of your life. No one flirts with what's mine.”
“The hell? This isn't like you.”
“I don't have time for this...”
“You don't have time for your upset wife? Are you serious?”
“_____, I'm losing my patience with this conversation, just go.”
“Fine, I'll leave, but don't you dare enter my bedroom tonight. I don't want to look at you for now.” With that, you left the workshop. You couldn't believe he didn't care about your feelings after he caused you to be upset. How could he do such a thing to his wife?
Itachi
Fights or arguments with Itachi were practically nonexistent. You two got along very well and hardly ever fought about anything. So, you were surprised to find yourself getting irritated with your husband. Recently, he'd been overworking himself and not taking proper care of his body. You caught him a few times passing out or neglecting to take his medication due to being too busy. Serenity even saw him pass out a time or two, which scared her badly.
It'd gone too far when you saw Itachi cough up blood. He became extremely pale and seemed like he would stop breathing due to how bad he'd begun to cough. He played it off as if he was fine though.
“Itachi, you need to take better care of yourself!”
“I'm fine _____.”
“No, you are not! You are killing yourself!”
“I'm already dying.”
“I get that, but you can prolong your life if you stop working so much!”
“_____...”
“No Itachi! Do you want Serenity to grow up without a father? Do you want to leave us that badly?”
“Of course not.”
“Then take care of yourself dammit!” You then fled from him, upset and crying. You hated the thought of him leaving you and Serenity one day.
Deidara
Deidara and you had some arguments and fights, but it was never anything too heated. You always resolved your problems almost instantly. However, you were infuriated to hear that he was exploding nearby towns. It was due to him wanting to test his newest creations.
“Sweetheart, why would you kill all those people?” You were trying to contain your anger as you spoke to him.
“They died for the sake of art, hm.”
“Art? Are you serious? You slaughtered them for the sake of art?”
“Yeah, so what, hm?”
“Those were people! What would you do if nova was killed for such a dumb reason?”
“Dumb reasons, hm?”
“Yeah, a dumb reason! Art is no reason to hurt innocent people! What you do for the Akatsuki is one thing, but this isn't okay!”
“Enough _____, hm!”
“Me? How about you enough Deidara!” With that, you stormed away from your husband. You were too annoyed to hear him for another second longer. You were so disappointed in him and his actions.
“Don't walk away from me _____, hm!” You ignored his calls and continued to walk away from the blond male.
Hidan
Fighting with Hidan was a part of life. He seemingly loved to fight about anything and everything. However, you becoming angry with Hidan was rare. Other than his swearing, Hidan didn't anger you too much. That was until you walked into your living room and found your husband sacrificing someone. Specifically, it was a man who'd flirted with you earlier that week. He was a friend of yours until then, meaning he was off limits to sacrifice.
“Hidan what the hell?” You called out as you watched the scene in front of you. “You swore my friends were off limits, but you literally just killed one of them!”
“He fucking flirted with you! he brought this upon himself!”
“No, he didn't. It was just harmless flirting. He didn't deserve to die!”
“Shut the fuck up _____! I've already sacrificed him so it's too late now! You idiot!”
“Excuse me? You know what Hidan, fuck you.” With those words, you turned around and left the room. You were furious with your husband and couldn't stand to be around him a second longer. You were worried you'd take his head off and throw it away if he even so much as spoke to you again for a bit.
Kakuzu
Kakuzu's money habits were the cause of many fights. He always won those fights and you allowed him. However, that was until this fight. Kakuzu was getting low on money and refused to buy more groceries for the house. More specifically, he refused to give you any money to buy the food you were going to be needed desperately.
“You can't be serious. Kuzu, our child needs to ear. We need money to buy food.”
“You have enough food. Just ration that.” Kakuzu was holding his case of money away from you protectively.
“Kakuzu, what the hell? Kristina eats a lot. We need more money for food!” You were shocked at how strange your husband was acting.
“I said no _____!”
“Don't you love our child? Or me?! Do you want us to starve? Is money that important to you?!”
“Of course it is.” He knew that was the wrong thing to say, but he couldn't help it. He'd been swept up in the anger of the heated conversation. In response, you just wordlessly stared at him with a disappointed look in your eyes. “_____?” You ignored him and turned away from Kakuzu. You had nothing to say to the man, so you just decided to just leave the room.
Tobi
There were no fights or arguments between you and Tobi. Since he was always so carefree, he never got mad at you or your child. However, that childishness was getting to be too much. He wasn't being an actual parent to Dexter. He was letting the young boy do whatever he wanted, which finally pushed you over the edge. You'd finally gotten angry with your husband. It was a strange feeling to have since you were rarely ever angry with the man-boy.
“Obito, we need to talk.”
“About what _____?”
“You need to stop being so childish with your child.”
“Why?”
“He needs a father, not a brother and I need a husband, not another child.”
“I have to act like this to protect us.”
“Not when we're alone! I want my husband, not some baby!”
“_____! Tobi is not a baby! He is protecting us, so be thankful!”
“I'd be more thankful if he'd be an actual father!” With those words, you angrily ran out of the room. You couldn't handle talking to your husband for another moment. It was just becoming far too much upsetting and heated for you.
Kisame
Lately, Kisame hasn't been home enough for an argument or flight to happen. It wasn't like you got into too many of those anyway. Kisame usually didn't get angry with you and vice versa. It was a mostly peaceful household and it was great, until now.
Due to the lack of Kisame, Alexander was growing quieter. He was missing his father a lot and you were missing your husband. Finally, though, he was home for a few days, so you decided to confront him.
“Kisame, why can't you be home more often?”
“I'm working to keep us safe and happy.”
“I get that, but Alex is missing you a lot. He's not himself when you aren't here.”
“He'll have to get over it because I need to keep working.”
“Get over it? Oh, am I supposed to as well? Just get over missing my husband? Get over worrying about him?”
“_____...”
“No, I'll get over it. So will your son.” You instantly stormed out of the room. You couldn't look at him for another second longer. You heard him calling out to you, but you decided to just ignore his words and continue leaving.
Madara
With Madara, fighting and arguments were not too common. Sure there were some, but that was usually about something stupid. This time, however, it was about killing people. He'd begun to kill people from your town, and that wasn't okay at all. The person he ended most recently was a previous school teacher of yours. He was someone you had looked up to and ran into recently. So, this was particularly upsetting to you.
“Madara! What is your problem! You said you wouldn't kill anyone from town!”
“He was just a perverted old man who looked at you creepily.”
“That's no excuse! He didn't deserve to die!”
“That's where you're wrong _____.”
“I'm wrong? You are the wrong one!”
“I'm never wrong.”
“Huh? Are you kidding me? Nearly every one you kill is innocent. You're always in the wrong!”
“You have no idea what you're talking about!” With that, Madara walked away from you. He no longer wanted to hear the words from your mouth. It was just fine though. You didn't want to hear him any longer either. So, you made no attempts to stop him or call out to his retreating figure.
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Submission:
Honestly? He’s a coward. In a very specific way.
Let’s take two people who both ended up reviled by Konoha to the point where no one spoke about them: Hatake Sakumo and Itachi.
Sakumo does a terrible deed in the eyes of the Village. He fails a mission that supposedly is the key factor in starting the Third War. Whatever happens after that (i.e. the time it took) the hatred from the Village and his colleagues lead him down a very dark part. He hated himself, his actions and what they had done - and would do - to his son. To atone for his actions the only way he knew how that ‘wouldn’t affect Kakashi’ - the last of his family. Honourable suicide.
Of course, Kakashi was traumatised by finding his father’s corpse, but Sakumo didn’t intend it because he was so emotionally distraught and suicidal, possibly fearing for his son’s life.
Itachi also does a terrible deed in the eyes of the Village as a whole. He slaughters his clan because it would avert a coup. Whether the coup or not existed doesn’t matter. His actions were endorsed by a scant few people more or less after the fact (aside from Danzo). Itachi, when faced with the last living member standing in front of him and asking why he did such a bad thing …
Traps his beloved little brother inside a genjutsu designed to torture people, further traumatising him and then, when said sibling seems to be developing healthy bonds reminds tortures Sasuke in the same manner and implicitly implies Sasuke left him alive so Itachi could be killed by Sasuke.
This is the act of someone who knows he should feel guilty, wretched, that he deserves to die, but might not feel it. I’ve never actually believed Itachi had intense emotions or simply emotions the way the majority of people have them; he mimics far too easily. He knows what he should feel, he knows he deserves to die, to be executed; to face justice. And justice is to face the one you wronged and have your pound of flesh taken.
But he’s too afraid to admit to his wrongdoing directly. He wants to die, but isn’t strong enough to kill himself. Or really do anything. You want me to describe Itachi’s personality on one word: apathy towards everything, especially emotions and making decisions for himself. He needs someone to choose things for him.
Then there’s the sadism and egocentrism. Itachi’s actions with Sasuke are those of someone who wants his victim’s life to revolve only around his torturer and the affects his torturer had on his life. Itachi maliciously caused the most pain he knew he could to Sasuke not once, but twice because it would benefit Itachi.
The most important person in Itachi’s life is Itachi. Sasuke only figures into Itachi as someone by whom he can define himself. Sasuke is MY little brother. Sasuke loves ME. I love Sasuke because I CHOOSE to. Sasuke is taught by ME. Sasuke looks up to ME. Sasuke has grown to hate ME because I MADE him hate ME.
Or Shisui. Shisui told Itachi how to be. This is how to be a good shinobi. THis is how to be a good ANBU. This is how to serve the Village. Itachi willingly let himself be defined by Shisui because it meant Shisui’s actions revolved around ITACHI. Shisui is MY cousin, MY teacher, MY friend, MY comrade, MY co-conspirator, MY EVERYTHING.
Everything else is just window dressing or what benefited Itachi at that moment in time. And yes, he’s self-centred and needs people to make decisions for him, the two are not mutually exclusive. He just doesn’t care except for his ultimate purpose: suicide by proxy. To make himself feel better.
I’ve nothing against sadistic and egocentric characters, I love Orochimaru and he revels in his scientific sadism, freaking people out for whatever reason he wants and generally, you know, trying to live forever and to be the nrdiest nerd to ever nerd. But at least he was passionate. He was emotional, he displayed intense bonds to multiple people and he worked his arse off for his goals.
Hidan likewise is sadistic, literally gets off on death and is egocentric. And fun. Deidara too. But Itachi, ah, another word for his personality: BEIGE.
I mean, what does it say about one of the supposed main villains that I can’t actually describe his personality beyond a couple of points and genuinely struggle to think of a time he emoted i the series? But fuck, Izuna, Tazuna, Kushina, Minato, Teuchi and Ayame, Hayate, SAKUMO and all these other characters who had miniscule parts or were side characters (inasmuch as they died quickly or were mostly shown in flashbacks) all had genuine emotional moments, times in which I could connect to them or understand their motivations, I know their passions or generally what they like.
Itachi? Um. He likes dango? Or something like that. Seems fairly chill with Kisame. Really wants his brother to kill him. He is beige.With notes of dark grey.
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Just because a lot of people have been asking, I’ll just let you all know that I’m going to do a Part 2 for the Yandere! Shikamaru. I’m also going to share a bit of the background behind it.
Needless to say this is thrown together while I’m sick and it’s not a fic. I’ve had this idea in my head for a few weeks and I’ve been itching to document it.
After the war, Shikamaru begins having nightmares -- his father, Asuma, but especially of Hidan. He invades his dreams, mocking and berating him over every little thing. It became such a hindrance to Shikamaru, he resorted to sleeping pills. When that didn’t help, he just stopped sleeping -- racking up about twenty hours of sleep a week. He was suffering physically and mentally, but he continued taking missions and working.
After a terrible accident, Shikamaru was temporarily suspended and sent home to properly take care of himself. He was frustrated, tired, and on the verge of a breakdown. But then he realized--
Hidan was still around and he could resolve this himself by confronting the issue in-person. He decided to go at night, making his way through the Nara’s forest to the exact spot where he defeated Hidan. It took hours just to clear the rubble, but he finally found what he wanted.
(I refuse to believe Hidan can die from not eating. If he can get his head cut off, he can live without food, too.)
Hidan’s grouchy, as obvious as it may be. “What the fuck do you want?”
“You’ve become a nuisance to me. I’ve come to finish the job.”
Hidan can only laugh at him. “You idiot! I’ve already told you that I can’t die! What a fucking loser!”
This goes on for a while, the two talking and cursing at each other. Shikamaru doesn’t understand why someone like Hidan can get under his skin now. Hidan simply states that it must be Jashin-sama’s doing. Perhaps it’s the lack of sleep, but Shikamaru humors him.
Anytime Hidan can talk about his Jashin-sama is a good time. Nobody ever wanted to listen to him about it in the Akatsuki, so he’s very willing to share his knowledge. You see, Jashin was the true god of the underworld. He was the evil in all humans and those that killed in his name were rewarded for their faith. Hidan stressed that although Jashin was predominantly seen as barbaric and bloodthirsty, he truly loved all of his followers. Shikamaru doesn’t really believe in it. How can a god like that be real when nobody actively worshipped him?
They continue discussing Jashinism in detail. For months, Shikamaru heads to the forest and digs him back up. Again and again. It comes to a point where Shikamaru finds solace in speaking with Hidan. Relationships come up, and Shikamaru lets Sakura’s name slip. Unfortunately, she doesn’t like him the way he does.
Hidan calls him stupid. Of course she doesn’t like him! He isn’t motivated by anything! If he had Jashin-sama at his side then he could get anything he wanted! Shikamaru is obviously disgusted -- being in any part associated with a god of death would only lower him to Hidan’s level and he knew he was better than that.
“Hey. Hey! You think I was just BORN immortal?! It was a gift from Jashin-sama! I killed in his name and I was rewarded like I told you!”
“But I’m not--”
“You’re a pathetic piece of shit! You’re too afraid to talk this bitch, huh? Jashin-sama could use a guy like you, y’know? Maybe, if you’re lucky, he’d give you what you want!”
“I’m not a killer like you.”
“You don’t have to be! Aren’t you supposed to be smart? You could get away with it if you wanted to.”
Shikamaru knew that, but he would never say it. He was supposed to be a good guy -- protect the weak and defeat any evil-doer that went against him.
“You know that... with Jashin-sama on your side.. that girl could be yours, too. Hell, why not just use any guy that gets in your way? Nobody has to know and you’ll be getting what you want.” He smirked devilishly. “Don’t you think you DESERVE her?”
“That sounds...” Shikamaru stands up, kicking Hidan’s head back in the hole. “Go fuck yourself.”
He doesn’t go back. Not for a long time. Part of him agreed with Hidan -- that he deserved Sakura. He respected her and treated her better than any other guy. But she just never saw him in that light and it was frustrating. By now, the nightmares that had once terrorized him were replaced with new ones. Ones where he killed people, wielding a scythe. His skin was black and marked with white across his face and limbs. He smeared their blood into a crude sigil and let a few drops fall onto his tongue. Then he would wake up, his heart pounding and hair drenched in sweat. But he wasn’t fearful. He felt strangely giddy after every dream -- that he was one step closer to his goal. Jashin-sama was coaxing him -- knowing well what an asset he would be.
Shikamaru dug Hidan up again. But this time, he just wanted to know one thing:
“How many people would I have to kill for Sakura to love me?”
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Yin and Yang - Part 1
I’ve been feeling pretty crappy today, and for some reason writing about these two depressing assholes makes me feel better, so have some super self-indulgent mpreg!Itachi/Hidan. I have no idea where I’m going with this, I just have this image of Hidan listening in rapture to a baby’s midnight screaming fit, so I’m hoping to wend my way to that point, eventually.
General warnings for this whole story include: Hidan’s religious sadomasochism and Itachi’s suicidal martyr complex and depression. Also, obviously, mpreg. Please be careful and take care of yourself <3
Despite everything that had happened in his life, Itachi still disliked violence. It wasn’t the visceral disgust of his youth, but he still acknowledged that he found it unpleasant. Still, as an S-rank criminal for hire, he was forced to see a good deal of it. Thankfully, with a partner like Kisame, who not only was well suited to violence, but seemed to take a simple sort of pleasure from a fight, Itachi mostly got to stand to the side and look intimidating, instead of having to engage in the violence himself.
Most of the time.
This was not one of those times. There were really too many of them to expect Kisame to handle them all by himself, and at least three of them were lightning users. Sighing softly to himself, Itachi stepped forward, putting himself at Kisame’s side. The larger man smiled nastily. Their enemies attacked.
Itachi immediately surged forwards, sharingan spinning, caught a handful of them in a genjutsu before they’d even realised what happened, took another two in the throat with kunai, and spun under the first attack to actually reach him. Kunai in each hand, he flicked his wrists, sending the blades spinning out, and got another foolish ninja with a simple yet debilitating genjutsu.
Behind him, he heard Kisame laughing, but he paid it no heed. One of the better fighters engaged him with a flurry of spinning blows, and even though Itachi could predict every one and move out of the way with ease, he could also see that she was driving him into a knot of her allies. He let her, and then, at the last minute, when victory lit her eyes and her allies dove for him, he replaced himself with a leaf off the tree above them.
Looking down, he saw them drive their weapons and jutsu into each other, and devolve into a screaming, disoriented pile. He had been planning to throw another genjutsu at them, to further their mindless panic, but he got distracted. There was a foreign source of chakra inside him. It couldn’t be a genjutsu, or his eyes would have caught it long before now, it couldn’t be a compulsion jutsu, because he regularly fluctuated his chakra to throw them off. It didn’t seem to be affecting him at all, except, he realised as he studied it more closely, that there was a miniscule flow of his own chakra into it.
Exactly like he’d seen on his mother, less than a year before the Kyuubi attacked.
At first, incomprehension was what held Itachi immobile. Then, slowly, tendrils of panic began to creep past the fog of his usual indifference. Because the sharingan never lied. The sharingan saw through lies, dispelled genjutsu, picked out every tiny deception. The sharingan recorded the truth, and with enough practice could even be used to predict the immediate future with startling accuracy.
Itachi could not doubt the evidence of his own eyes, and his eyes were telling him that he was – inexplicably – pregnant. The impossibility of that was its own problem, but Itachi remembered the day Sasuke was born, he remembered standing at his mother’s bedside, looking at this tiny, screaming thing, and being overwhelmed by how indescribably precious this new life was.
As a child, a boy of only six, he’d been… a little jealous, that he couldn’t do that, too.
As a teenager, still just a boy of thirteen, he’d slaughtered his own mother in cold blood. He’d given up any right he’d ever had to call himself a good person, the sort of person who deserved to have a loving mother and adoring little brother. He could at least still call himself a good shinobi, but that was as far from a good person as one could get, in his opinion. He knew intimately the feel of his mother’s blood, the sound of his brother’s screams.
As a man, just barely twenty-one, he was a rotted, festered husk of a person, sick in body and soul, and far too damaged for this to possibly be… real. He had murdered his mother, destroyed his brother – oh, with a purpose, with a reason, but all violence had a reason, and all violence was still wrong – and he didn’t know if he remembered, if he’d ever known, how to be anything else with family.
Kill or be killed.
Somewhere past the ringing in his ears, he heard someone shout his name. Somewhere past the tingling in his extremities, he could feel the roughness of tree bark. Somewhere far, far beyond the memories of blood and terror in the eyes of the person he loved most in the world, he saw leaves scatter as a man with an unreasonably huge mace in his hands flung himself across the branches at Itachi.
At Itachi, and the new life that was resting inside him.
A new life that was so tiny, still so much smaller than Sasuke had been, that first time Itachi had ever laid eyes on him. Tiny and helpless and dependant; entirely, utterly, completely dependant on Itachi for the oxygen in their lungs and the blood in their veins and the beat of their heart. If Itachi did nothing, if Itachi failed, the baby would too.
In that moment, Itachi felt for the second time in his life an overwhelmingly fierce devotion to another person. Sasuke was his little brother, and this baby was his child. He had murdered his own mother to keep Sasuke safe in Konoha and out of a madman’s hands. He would do it a thousand times over if it meant protecting his child.
Black pinwheels spun to life in crimson irises. The world became orderly, predictable clockwork, and Itachi moved. The man in front of him wasn’t looking him in the eyes, unfortunately, so Itachi dispersed into crows, and reformed behind him, kicking him to the ground and following him down, letting gravity slam him into the man’s abdomen, crouching with the movement to drive his knee into his sternum and to slam his hand down onto his throat. The man gasped, eyes flying wide, and Itachi swallowed him in black flames.
Then Itachi looked up, assessed the battlefield, and marked out every potential threat. Too many. Far too many. He would change that.
With only a little blood and a few handsigns, Itachi summoned every crow that would answer to his call, and set them on his enemies. Crows, most people didn’t realise, were vicious birds, given the opportunity. They were carrion birds, scavengers, and that meant that they were not only capable of shredding corpses to get at the meat, but also sneaky, suicidally brave little shits, fully capable of stealing a meal out from under the beak of a fully grown eagle, given sufficient motivation.
These birds were bound to Itachi, they were his allies, and his protective fury was theirs, and more than enough to inspire them to murder. Itachi followed in their wake with black fire and madness in his bloodied crimson eyes.
A whirlwind of movement and screaming and death later, Itachi halted, and watched the last few amaterasu fires dwindle into nothingness. He stood very, very still, and breathed with lungs that were already more rot than lung. He let the sharingan fade away and looked with eyes that were as good as useless, with how little detail he could make out past the blurs of colour and light. He calmed the maelstrom that had swept through a mind so thoroughly overtaken by madness that he could easily slaughter an entire battlefield without a second thought.
Grass shifted under a shinobi sandal, and Itachi just barely turned his head to indicate to Kisame that he was aware the other man was there. Kisame whistled, low and impressed, and then, after a long, awkward pause, asked “You alright?”
Itachi laughed, startled into a moment of genuine, absurdist humour. He had never in his life been alright, long before this moment, long before he’d killed his family, long before he’d even so much as laid eyes on Sasuke. He was not the sort of person who could ever touch ‘alright’, wasn’t capable, wasn’t permitted. He was allowed just enough sanity to protect Sasuke, just enough lucidity to know to prepare him for when Itachi could not, just enough self-awareness to know that he deserved nothing more than death.
But he couldn’t die. Not yet. Not today or tomorrow. Not for years. Not until this new responsibility could stand on their own two feet and face down Kage if they needed to. He had been so close, so damned close, to finally meeting his end, to gifting Sasuke his own mangekyou, that ultimate power, and now… Now, despite his lungs and his eyes and his poisoned soul, he suddenly had to live.
His laughter choked off, curdled in his throat as tears spilled over his cheeks. He pressed a hand over his eyes as if that might help, but they continued to stream, regardless. His breath shook, his shoulders hitched, his throat constricted.
“Er…” Kisame began, and laid a tentative, awkward hand on Itachi’s shoulder. “I guess that’s a no.”
“I’m pregnant.” Itachi announced, although his voice came out far quieter than he meant it to, far more strained under the weight of his hysteria than he’d wanted it to. “I’m pregnant.” He repeated, in bewildered, horrified disbelief.
“I… What? Are you… sure? I mean, I was pretty sure you’re male, and-”
Itachi snorted, but delicately. He’d learnt that trick from his mother. Mikoto had been able to make just about anything look elegant, and Itachi had always been pleased by the fact that he took more after her than his father. In more ways than he’d expected, apparently. “Yes on both counts.”
There was a long silence, until Itachi felt, through the hand on his shoulder, Kisame shrug. “I suppose having a giant mouth on your chest is still weirder.” He capitulated easily. “Or having a giant flytrap around your head. Or turning yourself into a puppet.”
“Or being half-shark?” Itachi suggested, with a hint of wry humour.
“Well, that seems pretty normal to me.” Kisame retorted with a grin that showed off his jagged, pointed teeth. Deliberately.
Itachi did appreciate Kisame’s sense of humour. Truly. “This… does not seem very normal to me.” Itachi admitted, letting a hand drop to his stomach. There was… Now that he was looking for it, now that he was aware, he could feel the barest beginnings of a bump there, beneath his navel. And he had been feeling unwell for the last month or so, but he’d put that down to his deteriorating health.
“No idea this could happen, then?” Kisame checked.
“None. I-” Itachi started, then stalled. He did not talk about his clan. Only one person was privy to his thoughts and feelings about his clan, and it wasn’t Kisame. He couldn’t make the words leave his mouth, couldn’t allow the truth of it out before… before what? Before Sasuke killed him? He could hardly allow Sasuke to kill him now.
“Any records you could check?” Kisame asked, skirting around the issue with surprising grace.
Itachi hardly knew what being friends meant, but he rather thought he liked having one in Kisame. “Perhaps…” Itachi hedged. “And I think a visit to a skilled medic-nin would be in order.”
“Probably.” Kisame agreed. He looked around the small clearing. It was nothing but a green, brown, and red blur to Itachi, but he had seen the aftermath of the battle with the sharingan, and the memory was vivid and clear in his mind. “Are the killing-sprees going to be a regular thing?” He wondered, completely without judgement.
Itachi wanted to say it wouldn’t happen again, but, well… He still felt very uncertain and off-balance about this whole pregnancy thing, and if he thought too hard about it, he could feel the hysteria rising within him again. “Only if someone threatens me.” He hedged.
Kisame winced, then shrugged. “Okay. Let’s head back to the base.”
Itachi’s breath hitched, but he ignored it and the side-eye he got from Kisame, and nodded. When his partner didn’t move, Itachi turned and started walking. Kisame fell into step with him. They walked in silence for a while, and Itachi did his best not to lose his mind over the fact that somehow he’d wound up pregnant.
He wished he understood better the logistics of the thing. He had been having a fair amount of sex lately, penetrative sex, both giving and receiving. There had been plenty of exchanged bodily fluids, and even some chakra usage. But Itachi didn’t have the first clue how, when, or where the child had begun to grow. There had to be some sort of jutsu involved, surely, because Itachi was fairly certain he did not have the right organs, usually, to bear a child.
Except, he’d been thirteen the last time he’d seen a medic-nin for anything. He had no idea how his body might have changed during puberty. There were some pretty strange mutations in certain ninja clans, physical alterations that frightened or disgusted most civilians. Itachi would have thought that as the clan heir, he would have been made aware of all the pertinent details of their clan’s traits. But, of course, he’d been thirteen when he’d killed everyone who might have been able to explain, and most people, even ninja, did seem to think that was a bit young to be talking about sex. Never mind the fact that Itachi had been killing people since he was six.
Why sex was supposed to be that much more traumatising than murder, Itachi did not know.
Kisame’s sudden question knocked Itachi out of his increasingly hysterical thoughts; “Is Hidan going to try and kill me for knowing before he did?” He wondered, without seeming very bothered by the prospect.
“Why would he?” Itachi wondered.
“He is the father, isn’t he?” Kisame checked, although he didn’t sound very uncertain at all.
Which was fair. Hidan was not a subtle man. Everyone in Akatsuki had known they were sleeping together less than a week after they started. That was a full six months ago, and in that time, they had slid seamlessly from what Kakuzu had crassly termed fuck-buddies to what Deidara had called ‘disgustingly and creepily married’ with a visible shudder.
“Yes.” Itachi confirmed, even though he was fairly sure he didn’t need to.
Kisame nodded. “So, do I need to watch my back?”
“I cannot see why you would need to take any extra care.” Itachi replied. Kisame watched him for a moment, then shrugged and seemed to accept that for what it was. The rest of their journey passed in an easy, companionable silence.
#Naruto#Uchiha Itachi#Hidan#Hoshigaki Kisame#HidaIta#Hidan/Itachi#Hidachi#whatever the ship name is#I like Hidachi#Itachi has about minus three thousand chill when it comes to family#also#some shameless self advertising#if you want the story of how Hidan and Itachi went from 'fuck-buddies' to 'creepily married'#check out my story Burnt Sugar and Blood#(also it's prequel Eviscerated)#I love these two please come join me on this piece of driftwood#rare pair hell#I am in it so deep
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