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olsenmyolsen · 3 months

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A Night In The City

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dark master list

No Powers AU (Female Reader X Yelena Belova)

Summary: When a blonde excited to explore New York comes into your place of work, you end up spending a night you'll never forget.

Word Count: 5.4K

Content: Sadness, Mentions of Suicide, Sucidial Actions, Angst, Happy Ending, Kissing ;)

You were tired.

Tired of your job.

Tired of the big city.

Tired of not being enough.

Tired of liv-... well, everything.

You missed when you didn't feel this way, but times change. You guessed you missed the time to change, too.

So, as you logged another book into the computer for your boss Agatha, you briefly wondered what to have for dinner.

If you even felt like eating by the time you got home...

The bell ringing above the door broke you out of your thoughts. You looked up to see blonde braids surf past a bookshelf and to you.

That's when you saw her face.

Bright green eyes, small pink lips, and bushy eyebrows. Slightly chubby cheeks were a bonus to see. "Hello!" She said in a heavy accented voice as her body hit the counter. "I'm looking for a book about New York City!"

You looked at her like she was joking, but after a moment of her just staring at you, you realized she was not. "Oh." You said. "Umm, you're in the city now... but what kind of book are you looking for?" You asked.

The woman thought before it looked like she got an idea. "Any books on restaurants or parks!?" You nodded and started typing into your computer. "Let me just make sure we have any."

You knew you did.

"Okay." She said as she craned her neck to see what you were doing. "That's a lot of books." She commented when you clicked the page. You looked at her. "Yeah... you're looking for a book about the millions of restaurants in this city."

You didn't mean to sound rude, but as the words left your mouth, you knew exactly how you sounded.

The blonde took a step back with her mouth dropped. "Jeez, I hope everyone isn't as rude as you!" Her voice sounded like you actually hurt her feelings. "I'm sorry!" You started apologizing as the blonde frowned. "I didn't mean it that way!" You went to talk more, but you were cut off.

"What way did you mean it then!" She looked pitiful. You sighed and collected your thoughts. "I mean... New Yorks a big place..." She nodded. "I know that." She said. "And as opposed to looking at hundreds of books about the restaurants and parks that'll be way too crowded or too expensive, the best way to experience it all is by just going out, walking in the city. Taking the subway to the Upper West Side or even Brooklyn. That's a way to get the best kind of food."

The blonde was hanging on your every word as you spoke about the city you used to find passion in.

"Plus, I'm sure you'll have a great time." You added before your smile faded. But the blonde saw it. She took a closer step to the counter. "Okay." She said.

"Okay?" You asked.

"Show me." The blonde smiled and rested her arms on the counter before you. "Take me around the city."

"Uhh, I- what?" Did she say what you thought she said?

"I want you to take me around the city." She said without an ounce of a joke hidden in her words. Leaving you lost to find any. "I-I can't do that.." You said, causing the woman across from you to tilt her head. "I'm working, and I- I don't even know you."

The blonde made a flat smile with her lips before extending her hand. "Well, hi, I'm Yelena. Yelena Belova." She waited for you to take it until you did. Cautiously. "I'm Y/N Y/L/N." You shook her hand and took note of the black fingernail polish she was wearing.

"There, now we know each other. How much longer do you have to work?" Yelena whined as her hands dropped back onto the counter.

You peered over to the computer and looked at the upper right corner of the screen. "It still have over an hour, but-" Yelena groaned. "Fine. Give me a book, and I'll wait."

As Yelena looked at you with her pretty green eyes, you couldn't find the words to say that you couldn't do it.

Your mind was blank.

"You're really serious, huh?" You asked, making Yelena scoff. "Of course."

Another second passed between the two of you before you nodded and pointed Yelena in the direction of some sapphic novels you loved to kill her time.

As you watched her walk away, you found yourself looking down her backside to her ripped jeans and black boots.

Once she disappeared down an aisle, you were alone again with your thoughts. But this time, all you could think was, "What did I just agree to?"

Once Yelena sat down in a chair made for little kids, she began reading a book from the selection you pointed to earlier.

Yelena quickly found herself swept up in the details of a woman returning to her hometown for a job only to discover that her former rival was now her new boss.

It was cheesy and short, but Yelena couldn't get enough.

Except for when she did stop reading to look up and see you still working from time to time.

Yelena took notice of the things you did. How you acted. How often you pushed your hair back behind your ears. She quickly liked you and was in dire need of someone new. A friend, so to say. But she could tell you were somewhat guarded.

Troubled wasn't the correct word, but Yelena could see it.

It was quiet the last hour you worked. No other Yelena's came in. Leaving you to finish up logging the stack Agatha wanted done. And yet. Every so often, your eyes drifted back to the blonde in the green froggy chair. Her eyes were glued to the words she was reading, and you couldn't help but smile at how she bit her lip as she concentrated.

But who was she?

You pulled your gaze away and again tried to think of an excuse to get yourself out of what the rest of the night would bring, but you couldn't.

It was almost like your heart was on its last line. Giving you nothing so you'd jump headfirst into this opportunity.

It wanted you to keep going.

"Alright!" Agatha came out from her office in the back. Walking straight past Yelena. "Closing time, hon!" She said to you as she grabbed the stack of books and moved them elsewhere.

Yelena got up from her spot, pushed the froggy chair in, and started walking towards the two of you.

"So, any plans for the next two days?" Agatha always asked the same question, even if you both knew the answer. Except this time, when you went to answer, Yelena spoke for you. "Actually-"

"Oh my God!" Agatha screamed and turned around with her hand over her heart. "Where did you come from!?" Agatha exclaimed as she came down from her fright.

Yelena proceeded to look from her to you and back to the kids corner. "From over there." She pointed. "I was just reading." She held up a book you were very familiar with.

Agatha, of course, took notice of that.

"Ah, looks like you picked up one of Y/N's guilty pleasures." Yelena looked at you. "Really?!" She asked you as you still stood behind the counter. "Uhh yeah." You answered honestly.

Yelena smiled wide enough that her dimples showed, and you felt something in your stomach that you had not felt in a very, very long time.

"Well, I'd like to get it." Agatha quickly wrapped an arm around Yelena and pulled her to the counter. Yelena, not looking too happy about this, let it happen. "Oh, of course, dear!" Agatha said, taking the book from her hand and into yours. "Y/N could also probably show you a lot more that she loves."

You picked up on Agatha's secret message.

Yelena did not.

"Actually, Y/N is showing me all around the city tonight!" Yelena smiled with glee.

Meanwhile, Agatha turned her head to you with a grin. "Is she now?" She asked a clueless Yelena. "Yep," Yelena said as she went to pay for the book, but Agatha stopped her. "Oh, here, take it!" She put the book into a bag and quickly gave it to Yelena. "A friend of Y/N's is a friend of mine. Especially a special one like you." She not so slyly said as you clocked out and grabbed your bag from the floor.

"Oh, thank you!" Yelena seemed genuinely grateful for the book and watched as you came around the counter.

Yelena's eyes quickly scanned your black vans and high-waisted jeans. Traveling up, she could see the entire band t-shirt underneath the open brown jacket you just threw on.

When Yelena's eyes met yours, you both smiled.

"Okay, well, you two, be safe and have fun!" Agatha said as she practically shoved the two of you out the door. "Wear protection." She whispered into your ear before closing the door and locking it.

You rubbed your ear and did your best to forget about her joke; all the while, Yelena just looked at you as you both started walking.

"So where to first!"

"Are you sure you want to do this?" You asked, confusing Yelena. "Well, of course. Do you not? You agreed, remember?" She said, making you nod. "Yes, I know it's just..."

"It's just what?" Yelena asked as you stopped walking and faced her.

"It's just we don't know each other." Yelena rolled her eyes and started walking away, knowing you'd follow. And you did. "Y/N Y/L/N, we already went over this. We shook hands. We know each other now. Okay?" She turned her head. "Now get we just hang out and be friends."

You stopped dead in your tracks.

Hang out and be friends.

That sounded wonderful.

You smiled. Like a real smile. And started walking again. "Yeah. You're right. That sounds good."

"Of course I'm right," Yelena responded, making you laugh. She laughed too because she was surprised by your laugh.

You two continued your walk in silence. The only thing breaking it up was the plastic bag with her book hitting Yelena's leg every once in a while.

"Here."

"No, it's mine." She pulled the bag away from you.

"Yes, I know that. I was going to put it in my bag so you're not carrying it the whole time." You explained. Yelena just looked at you and extended her hand with the handle of the bag wrapped around her palm. "Sorry." She said.

"You don't need to apologize." You said in a softer tone as you took the bag. "I just... I didn't want your arms to get tired."

Yelena watched you push your hair behind your ears for what must've been the hundredth time that night.

"I'm sorry if this is rude..." You started as you and Yelena turned down a new block. "But where are you from originally?" You grabbed onto the straps of your book bag and waited for Yelena's answer. "Russia." She said.

Ah. That made sense.

"How long did you live there?"

Yelena thought about her answer. "We lived there when I was a kid, then came to America before going back. What about you?" She asked, not wanting to talk more about it.

"All over the United States. My dad moved us around a lot." You remember your childhood, and not many happy moments come to mind. "Do you like it here?" She asked, gesturing to the city as you passed by a fat rat eating a pizza.

"Sometimes." You said and quickly moved on. "What about you? Is it your first time here? I mean, I assume so, but..." You trailed off as Yelena started to talk. "I've been here a couple of times. But it's always been for meetings for work, so I never got to explore and stuff." Yelena said, and you watched the way her eyes danced across the sky and the bright lights of skyscrapers getting closer and closer. "But this time, I don't have work. My sister was planning on taking me around, but she ended up being busy."

That was new info. "Oh, you have a sister!? Older or younger?"

"Older," Yelena said. "Her name's Natasha. She lives not far from your shop."

You made a note of that. "Oh, cool! Do you think she's ever been by the shop?" You asked, wondering if you had seen someone that looked like Yelena before.

But you think you would have remembered if you had.

Yelena shakes her head. "Probably not." You looked from Yelena's side profile to the sidewalk before looking back. You loved her earrings. Slowly, your eyes moved from the earrings to her neck. You watched the way her skin disappeared under her top. "She just got a girlfriend," Yelena said, breaking you from your thoughts. "So I thought I'd explore the city by myself..." Yelena's eyes meet yours. "Until I met you."

There it was again. That long dormant feeling in your stomach being broken by a fluttering.

"It hasn't been bad so far." She then added, making you smile. "Thanks." You shook your head and looked up at the street signs, figuring out the best place to go, when Yelena ran ahead of you to the other side of the street—not paying attention to the street lights or cars that slammed on their breaks.

"I want one!" She yelled back to you, making you realize what she ran to.

A pretzel cart.

"At least it's not a hot dog cart," you thought as you quickly ran to her. Sending a flat smile to the angry cab driver, Yelena pissed off. "Here." Yelena handed you a hot pretzel before taking the cups of mustard and cheese. "It smells so good!" She said as you two said bye to the man pedaling the cart.

And without warning, Yelena bit into the pretzel still in your hand. Luckily, she wasn't anywhere near your finger. "Oh, my gofh." Her words muffled by the pretzel. "If ho goof!" You nodded to her and smiled as pieces of salt fell from her lips.

Yelena took your eyes off of her lips by pushing the pretzel up closer to your mouth.

You couldn't remember the last time you had a hot pretzel or one from a cart on the street. But one look to Yelena and her big eyes made you cave.

You loved it.

"Good, right?!" Yelena said after she swallowed but not before tearing another piece to dip into the cheese sauce. You nodded. "Bery goof!"

Yelena laughed as her body brushed up against yours, as the two of you found yourselves passing by a group of teens making music from buckets and their own mouths.

As you watched with a group of other people, Yelena stole glances to you like she had at the bookstore. She found something new every time she looked your way. Her favorite discovery was two moles on the left side of your neck.

She smiled as she thought about drawing a curved line underneath them to make a smile.

Because that's another thing Yelena discovered.

She liked seeing you smile.

She was glad she met you tonight.

Moments like these blossomed as you took Yelena into Times Square. She made you take her to an American coffee shop, aka Dunkin, before you took pictures of her in front of the giant screens and crazy stores that lined the streets.

And when you weren't looking, she made sure to take some of you.

For you.

If you wanted!

Regardless, you took her to the financial district and then to a place where the noise of the city seemed to stop, past the memorial and to the tip of New York.

"What do you mean it doesn't light up?" Yelena tilted her head before looking back to the Statue of Liberty. You laughed as Yelena shook her head. "She has a torch! It should light up!" You didn't say anything but laugh because, honestly, you agreed with her. How cool would it be if the torch was on fire?! "Still cool, though," Yelena said before turning around.

After that, Yelena and you found yourselves at a bar you've never been to after exiting the subway at a random stop.

What turned into you showing Yelena around turned into a random exploration of the city.

Something you would normally advise against, but you were having fun and smiling more in a couple of hours than you had in a long time.

To Yelena, she was having a blast and didn't want the night to end.

So, drink after drink and shot after shot, you and Yelena danced to whatever the DJ played and ate greasy New York Pizza while watching guys shoot their shot and miss horribly from the comfort of a booth.

"Oh, it's my Sestra!" Yelena picked up the phone with a bubbly glee before scooting closer to you and answering the FaceTime, not caring about the loud bar in the background.

Her face almost touching yours.

You smiled as you looked at your two faces in the top left-hand corner before focusing on the person filling the giant frame.

"Yelena, where- Oh?!!" A confused-looking redhead emerged from the darkness of the screen before turning on a light next to them.

It's clear that they were sleeping.

And Yelena called them. Not the other way around.

"Yelena, who are you with!?" Yelena's sister questioned as she looked from her sister to you. "Who are you and where are you!?! It's so loud!"

You went to open your mouth, but Yelena stopped you by pulling the phone to be in front of her. "Natasha! This is Y/N! She's sweet, so don't be such a grump!" Yelena scoffed before sipping on her red cocktail.

You scooted closer to try and listen, but it was challenging due to the throwback 2000s that was playing.

But your ears did catch: "I know she's pretty!"

You turned away and smiled at that before picking up your drink.

"Oh my gosh! Go to bed! Bye!!- yes, I love you too!" Was what you heard when you decided to start listening again.

"Sisters can be so annoying," Yelena said as she shook her head. "She seems to love you though." Your drunk mind said, making Yelena turn to you. "Well, of course. I'm the best." Her face broke out into a grin that made you smile wide. "And yes, I love her." She took another sip while not so subtlety scooting closer to you. "Apparently, she was sleeping." Yelena rolls her eyes.

"So the date went well?" You rested your head on your hand and gave Yelena your full attention.

Yelena's eyes ran up your arm. Past your small stick and poke tattoo that you talked about briefly when you walked through a park that she couldn't remember the name of. And up to your fingers, where she glanced over the gold ring you bought for yourself two years ago. Past your unpainted nails until she landed on your face.

Your eyes.

Yelena nodded. "I think she had an amazing night."

It wasn't an easy trip back home.

But somehow, you and Yelena made it to your place safely.

Okay. You don't know how you made it to your place safely.

Yelena knows it's because she wasn't as drunk as you and could walk straight and could sing the real version of American Pie.

Whereas, on the train ride to your stop, you tried to convince Yelena that the Weird Al Yankovic Star Wars Parody was the real version.

But Yelena didn't know what Star Wars was and knew the original song by Don McLean by heart.

After Yelena set you down on the couch, she quickly looked around your place. It wasn't far from Natasha's due to the proximity to the bookstore.

Yelena thought your space was cute, but it wasn't decorated very well. In fact, Yelena found it interesting.

Odd. Would be another word for it.

She discovered most of your belongings were in boxes labeled to different names and places.

She walked to the fridge and grabbed a cold water bottle, knowing this would help sober you up more than the cool air had helped so far.

"Here." Yelena handed you the bottle as she crouched down in front of you. You took the water without a problem and opened it. Chugging it like it would be the last time.

"Thank you." You said into the air of feet between the two of you. "You're welcome," Yelena said back before she moved to sit next to you. You watched her the whole time.

In fact, the whole night, it became harder to keep your eyes off of her.

Maybe it was the drinks.

Maybe it wasn't.

"I had a great time." You said, making Yelena turn to you. She could smell the alcohol still dancing on your tongue, but you could smell hers. So it didn't really matter. "I did, too!" Yelena smiled. "Thank you." She said, making up shake your head the tiniest bit. "No, Yelena. Thank you."

It was hard to see because of how dim the lights behind you were, but you could've swore you saw Yelena's cheeks turn pink.

Yelena wanted to lean into you. She wanted to take this leap. But she couldn't. She didn't want to jeopardize anything. So, instead, she turned away from you.

You who wouldn't have said no. You who would've kissed her back and savored her taste. You who, if Yelena was going to be your last, you wanted to make it count.

But she turned away.

She looked at the book on your coffee table and recognized it immediately.

The book from your job. The book Agatha gave her.

"Oh wow! You really do love it!" Yelena leaned forward and picked it up. "Oh, I do more than love it." You said, acting coy. Confusing Yelena. "What do you mean?" With your foot, you pointed to a book near your bedroom door. Yelena got up and stood in front of it. "Nothings going to jump out and get me right?" She asked like a scared kid making you laugh. "It's safe. I promise."

Yelena took you by your word and opened the box. Inside were more copies of the book. Brand new.

You wrote it.

Yelena looked up at you with a fresh copy in hand. "You're Emily Hornberg?!" She said as she made her way in front of you.

You nodded. "I am."

Yelena froze as she held the hardcover in her hand. "Why aren't these everywhere?! It's great!" She asked questions and wanted to ask many others, but you held up your hand and leaned up from the back of your couch. "No one bought them." You took the book from her hand.

The touch of your fingers on her skin made her burn with pleasure.

"I would," Yelena said.

You looked up at her and her puppy dog eyes. "Take them."

"The whole box?"

You nodded.

Yelena waited for the joke to end, but you just looked at her until the room's silence continued for too long. And when your eyes darted away, that's when Yelena took a look around the room one more time.

Boxes of your things. Envelopes on top. No personal pictures throw about. Your work- a story the two of you loved waiting to be given away.

It dawned on her.

Yelena's eyes found the top of your head. "No." She said as tears slowly filled her eyes. "Please..." She said when you didn't look up, instead re-reading the back of the book repeatedly.

Yelena wanted you to look at her to see if this was really your plan. She reached forward and grabbed the book from your hand with ease and threw it into your bedroom door. You jumped and looked up.

Tears were in your eyes, too.

"Y/N..." Yelena said as she crouched in front of you, her voice the opposite of her previous action. Soft. "Yelena..." Your voice cracked as tears slipped down your cheek.

This time, Yelena went with her gut as she wrapped her arms around you, holding you close and letting you sob into her shoulder.

Apologies and a bunch of mind-twisting truths spilled from you as Yelena did nothing but hold you close and whisper into your ear about how much you changed her life tonight.

You watched as Diane, a mom of two daughters, talked about a night recently when her oldest asked them where their daddy had gone.

You held back the tears in your throat as you couldn't help but picture if that had been you people asked questions about. If you weren't sitting in a metal chair, that did shit for your back.

When Diane was finished, the time had hit six o'clock, meaning that group was over.

As people filed out, you hung back to stack the chairs with the leader, Lizzie—a thrifty-something brunette who had green eyes that reminded you of another.

"Any plans this weekend?" She asked to break up, the only sound being the clanking of the chairs. You shrugged. "Maybe go to the beach." Lizzie nodded. "And the writing?" She asked. "Has that been going well?"

You stopped as you put up the last chair.

"If you want to save it for group, we can." She said as she placed a hand on your arm. You shook your head. "It's fine." Lizzie nodded with an understanding smile. "I just have this one idea about a character. But... I don't know." Lizzie patted your arm before she pulled her hand away. "Well, I think it sounds great. Something that you should keep exploring."

You nodded, knowing she was right. Like always. It was kind of annoying but in a fun way.

"See you Monday?" She asked as you walked to the exit. "Same time." You replied, making Lizzie send you a thumbs up.

You took one last look at her green eyes before leaving through the double door. Immediately, you were attacked by someone you had not been expecting. "Jesus, Agatha! What the fuck!" You shouted at your friend and boss. "Gotcha!" She winked and pulled you close.

"What are you doing here?" You asked as she let you go. "Saving you from taking the subway, hon." She replied as she rounded her car. "You coming?" She asked, knowing that she wouldn't take no for an answer.

You followed.

"You know..." You said as Agatha pulled out of her illegal parking spot. "You don't have to keep picking me up every Friday. I'll be fine."

"I know." She replied. "I want to." You nodded and let your defense down. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." She said as she hit the CD button. "Besides, I want to show you a display I was working on today."

You looked over at Agatha. "Okay." You said before tilting your head. "It's not another Collen Hoover display because I swear to Go-" Agatha stopped you. "That was a prank one time!!" You rolled your eyes. "One too many." You mumble, making Agatha slap your arm.

The drive wasn't long, but it was long enough where your mind kept floating back to Yelena, how she held you night and stayed by your side for the weeks that followed. How you struggled and fought with your own mind and body. The good days and bad. The days that became worse.

She was there.

But it wasn't becoming easy for the blonde. How were you to know that Yelena had been pushing work off for a month after your first night together? How she wanted to protect you. How she stayed up shopping your book around to different publishers for hours after you fell asleep next to her.

Or even how she didn't hear your confessions of more fall from your lips because she had fallen asleep as you laid on her chest.

"How's Yelena?" As if Agatha could sense where your thoughts had gone, she asked a question to make you frown. "She was gone this morning." You replied, making Agatha immediately take her eyes off the road to look at you. "She what!"

"10 and 2!" You shouted. Once the car was not going to crash, you looked over at the older woman. "Yeah, she was gone this morning, and all of my calls and texts haven't been answered." You looked down at your phone and back to Agatha. "Did I do something wrong?" You asked.

"No." Agatha instantly replied. "You did nothing wrong. Besides. Let's not jump to any conclusions she maybe got busy with her sister or something."

The thought of texting Natasha had crossed your mind, but a part of you was scared, and you didn't want to have someone else worry about your dangerous thoughts.

"Alright. Let's pop in quickly, and then I'll walk you home." Agatha said as she parked the car and threw off her seatbelt. Excited to show you the new display. You follow suit at about less than half the excitement.

Agatha waited at the front door and let you go in first, but you stopped in the open doorway when you lifted your eyes. "Go!" Agatha pushed you in as you froze, staring at Yelena.

Agatha quickly followed in and locked the door behind herself.

Yelena stared back at you with a smile. "Come here." Yelena quietly said with an outstretched hand.

"Where were you?" You asked with your voice not as gentle. "In Jersey," Yelena replied, making you tilt your head as you took steps closer as you knew she wasn't lying.

You went to ask a million more questions, but Yelena surprised you by taking steps forward to grab your hand in hers. "I'm sorry I ignored you today. But I promise Y/N Y/L/N I'll never do that again." You looked into her green eyes and could feel the love. "I just want to surprise you."

"Surprise me?"

Yelena hated surprises, so this intrigued you more.

She nodded with a big grin before biting her bottom lip and turning around. Yelena pulled you to the spinning book display.

"That's my book..." You said. Yelena watched your eyes dance across the multiple copies. "It says my name. My real name..." You watched Yelena's hands pick up a copy and hand it to you.

With the spine facing you.

At the bottom of the spine, it had a publishing house logo.

Your mouth moved up and down as your emotions threatened to spill out. Yelena could see it, too. "Here." Her voice was light and soft as she took your hand and moved it to the back of the book.

Inside was a picture that Yelena had taken of your first night together. It's you standing at the bottom of the red stairs in Times Square, looking up. Yelena couldn't help it as you looked beautiful. But Yelena's favorite part of the picture is that you could see your two moles.

And on the inside of this copy, Yelena drew the tiniest line underneath them.

A smile.

"Yelena..." You swallowed a sob as you looked up to her. "Detka." She responded as you still had no idea what it meant. She saw the tears in your eyes and brought her hand to your cheek. "You did this for me?" You asked, forcing a laugh from Yelena.

"It's only because I love you."

That broke you.

You collapsed into her arms as Yelena kissed the sides of your face and head. "I lobe yov too!" Yelena's shoulder muffled your declaration.

But she heard you and smiled.

"I'm proud of you," Yelena whispered into your ear. "Thank you." You whispered back, only to earn a shake of the head. "You don't need to thank me for something that's honest and easy. You did all the hard work." You looked up at her. "I'll be here," Yelena said.

"I'm happy you came in here that night."

"Me too."

As your lips pressed against hers in a passionate kiss, Agatha adverted her eyes and found herself being unwanted at this moment.

Meanwhile, as you and Yelena separated from one another, you both couldn't help but think how different your lives would be if Yelena hadn't stepped into this shop...

But two years later, as you found yourselves at a party celebrating your second book about a hot blonde female spy, Yelena held a box in her pocket.

Happy that she'd never have to know any other life besides this one.

dividers by @/benkeibear

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pandemoniumwritingsstuff · 2 months

Text

You are not defined by your past

Evan Buckley X reader X Eddie Diaz

*Gifs are not mine*

Pairing: Evan Buckley X reader(She/Her) X Eddie Diaz

Summary: When your past comes back in the middle of the night, your boyfriends are here to help you through this moment

Trigger warnings: Polyrelationship/ Past rape, sexual assault/ Ptsd/ Trauma/ Nightmare/ Self harm(sort of)/ Loads of crying/ Panic attacks/ Anxiety

A/N Like I say everytime, English is not my first language, so if there is any mistake, feel free to tell me. Be really cautious reading this story, there are heavy topics talked about in this story, it's just me trying to cope with my feelings with writing

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You woke up in a pool of sweat and sandwiched between Eddie and Buck after yet another nightmare. It was the third one this week. You got out of bed, making sure you didn't wake up any of your boyfriends. After you went downstairs, you slipped yourself into the bathroom. You started the shower and went in. You scratched your skin until it was red and raw; you had to get off the feeling of his hands on your body. Some of the scratches even started to bleed after a while. You didn't know a long you had been in the shower until you heard the door opening and the voice of Eddie, calling you."Baby, are you okay in there? You've been in there for quite a while. " If it wasn't for the shower curtain protecting you, he would have seen you and your body full of wounds. You tried to answer with a steady voice but failed miserably."I'm fi-fine, I'll be out in a mi-minute." You couldn't make out what Eddie whispered to Buck, but a second later, the curtain was being opened. Buck and Eddie gasped when they saw the state of your body; covered in wounds and bleeding. They immediately went to hug you but stopped when you flinched violently. Buck tried to reassure you."Honey, we aren't gonna hurt you. What's going on? Talk to us, please. " You stood there frozen, tears filling your eyes while you felt like you couldn't breathe anymore. When you started clawing at the skin of arm, Eddie stepped in and held you so you couldn't hurt yourself any further. You thrashed and tried to free yourself from him, but there was no use he won't let you go. "That's it, honey, breathe. Can you take a deep breath for us?" It was like you couldn't hear him because you kept trying to push him away."Let me go, please. Please, don't hurt me, don't don't hurt me. " " Sweetheart, look, it's me, Eddie, and here is Buck, look" He said while pointing Buck standing in the middle of the bathroom. He was looking at you worriedly with tears in his eyes, like he knew what was going on. After fighting to free yourself from Eddie for a long time, you ended up tiring yourself out and fell on the shower floor. Eddie and Buck were at your side in a moment and were careful to ask "can we touch you honey?". And when you gave a tiny nod, they gathered you in their arms. Holding you so hard like you were going to disappear at any moment. You didn't how long you sat there, on the shower floor until you felt Buck picking you up and carrying you and bringing you to your shared bed. Once the three of you were settled, they landed a kiss on your cheeks and Eddie said "We'll talk tomorrow, sleep well our darling girl."

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While you were sleeping

Once you were asleep, Buck asked Eddie, "Do you know what caused that?" "No. Do you think it has to do with what happened on call today?" "No it seems to be much more than that. What happened today was scary, but it can't be the cause for tonight breakdown." "We'll talk to her in the morning. Maybe she'll open up" And with that, Eddie and Buck placed themselves on each side of you: Buck on your right and Eddie on your left.

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In the morning

You woke up once again sandwiched between Eddie and Buck, but this time you weren't scared out of your mind, feeling his hands everywhere. You tried to get out of the bed without waking up your boyfriends, but as you were sitting up, Buck's eyes started to open. "Good morning honey, how are you feeling? Better than last night?" "Better, but I'm pretty sure you are wondering what happened last night. Why I was acting so scared and panicked" "Eddie and I are worried about you, but we won't force you to tell us something you don't want. You tell us what you feel comfortable telling us" "I want to tell you what happened to me, but I'm scared of how you will react" "Angel, whatever happened to you in the past won't make us leave and we won't ever judge you for it" Tears brimmed your eyes, and you started shaking. Buck brought you close to him, you buried your face in his chest. Eddie woke up hearing your cries and looked at Buck worriedly. He touched your back in order to bring comfort, but you flinched violently. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to, I'm sorry" "It's okay, it's alright honey" Eddie reassured you. "But it's not, I'm not okay, I'm scared that he will come back and do it again" "Who's he baby?" "The man who-the man who-who" " The man who what honey? It's alright, we won't judge" "The man who ra-raped me when I was younger" You sobbed. They both asked simultaneously "Can we hold you honey?" "But I'm dirty, filthy, impure" "That doesn't matter to us. What happened to you in the past does not define you, you are not defined by your past" "In our eyes, you are still the girl we fell in love with, regardless us knowing about your past or not. We won't ever leave for something that you didn't choose to happen. Something that was brought upon you, against your will" "For now, all we want is to help cope with your past. Help you through the difficult times and love unconditionally" "We will love you forever"

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Thanks for reading. Again I apologise for any grammatical mistake in this story

Pandemonium

#9 1 1 fox #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #Evan Buckley x reader x eddie diaz #trauma #imagine #Heavy themes

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alexandria-alexis · 3 months

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The point of no return

The life that Charles Leclerc shares with the outside world is very different to the life he leads behind closed doors.

It comes as a shock to him when he realises that the one person he can trust is the man who he has spent his entire career fighting against. Max Verstappen.

NC-17

Heavy Mentions of Domestic Abuse

Charles Leclerc / Max Verstappen

Charles Leclerc / Original Male Character(s)

(Please read the tags before beginning)

Thank you for all the support. Chapter 1 & 2 are out now <3

#max verstappen #charles leclerc #lestappen #f1 fanfic #heavy themes #rating: nc17

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colourstreakgryffin · 9 months

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Abusive Husband! Obanai..

I loved the short lil head-cannons btws bae

But how would Abusive Husband! Obanai react to spouse becoming so stressed and self conscious that she ends up extremely mentally sick, and she cant eat/sleep/hardly communicate anymore? Would he take care of them? or would he think their being overdramatic and treat them the same?

(Pronouns can be whichever your most comfortable with!)

(💃Anonymous)

Fucccck. This would not go well! I imagine it’d go something like this;

This is seriously intense and tragic and sad, please be careful reading this!

Iguro Obanai

“Dokusha” Obanai barked angrily as you stared blankly at the wall, cuddled up in the recently dried futon with no words left. You could barely think anymore, your mind emptier than the clearest skies. All the abuse, all the hate, all of it every single day piled up. It stressed you out until your mind snapped, you fell so ill that heard Obanai’s voice echoing down the hallway. Yelling and insulting you for nothing. Your self-image dropped so low that you stared at knives in consideration of using them

You didn’t feel the need to eat or sleep anymore. As you just stared at the wall, waiting on absolutely nothing in the futon you didn’t feel the warmth of anymore. Obanai found you after a long day of Hashira duty and he was ready to give you the usual hell for your minor mistake but he is confused and weirded out by your sudden demeanour change, what’s the problem?

“Dokusha. Answer me. Iguro Dokusha” Obanai barked again, dropping down to his knees and waving his hand in front of your eyes. Those irises were so cloudy and lifeless, he was wondering if you were actually dead. His fingers quickly rested on your neck, feeling the healthy pulse so he did know that you were still alive. But you barely blinked, barely breathed

The lack of response had him eventually shaking you physically. His anger faded away into raw concern as his obsession took over. He does hurt you a lot, but the last thing he wants is for you to be dead. “Dokusha. Dokusha” Your eyes tilted up to see his, and you wanted to cry but you just couldn’t, why give your abuser that satisfaction

“Dokusha. Talk to me” Obanai grabs you and lifts you up so you’re sitting on your bottom as your head mindlessly falls forward. Obanai holds your head up with his palm under your chin so you’ll keep eyes on him at times

“Don’t ignore me. Dokusha. We need to talk” Obanai continues to repeat, usually, he’d be furious over the fact you overshined his katana but now, he was just concerned if you were mentally sound. You blinked slowly, glaring at him as you managed to get the first and final words you wanted to say forever out

“… Yo… u” Obanai flinched visibly, still confused and conflicted as you gathered every ounce of strength you had left to speak. You didn’t have anything to finally yell back at him for everything he put you through, you just spoke as if you were truly dying

“Y… our…. Fa… ult… You… d… id… th… is…” You muscled out on a soft, lifeless voice as you needed to get the one thought you had radiating in your mind out to run free, involuntarily leaning on his shoulder as Obanai’s whole world cracked and crumbled before his very eyes at just those mere five words

He did do this to you. But he didn’t mean to break you, he just wanted to help fix you. To make you better, because he truly does love you. He didn’t want you to end up emotionally scarred and torn apart like a useless tissue, he didn’t mean for this to happen. Everything he did was cruel and apathetic, he didn’t realise how horrible he was to you until now

He’s suppose to protect you, as your husband, not make your life even more dangerous. But he did the worst thing one could do to their spouse, abuse you until you lost everything you use to be. Now, you’re a walking skin suit. You didn’t have any emotions nor conscious as it was all scrubbed off for good

This was a accident. What can he do?! What can he do?! How can he fix this?! Obanai stopped his anxious mind-rants as his arms clutched onto you and brought you towards him so he can tightly hug you, slowly turning to the nearby window, his Kasugai crow sat patiently, plucking at his wing feathers to groom himself

“Dokusha…” Obanai remarks gently as you looked up at him after seconds of intense strength-gathering, you didn’t want to but you did. He knew exactly what he had to do, to save you from him. He had to expose himself to the world, the world he tried so desperately to keep you away from for his own selfish needs. He had been so selfish for so long, keeping you against your will, cutting you apart like you’re a block of cheese, forcing you to become pregnant with his child

He thought he was the victim but no, you’re the real victim. The one who needs to get away, but Obanai couldn’t live with himself if he did just let you go. He needed to pay for hurting you and hurting Kaburamaru, forcing you into a marriage you probably didn’t want in the first place, forcing you to carry his offspring for over 6 months

“I… won’t see you ever again” Obanai claims, running his hand through your hair but you didn’t feel the lovely pleasure one would feel at such a massaging sensation. You felt nothing

For some reason, you decided to hear him out with the slowest and weak nod humanely possible. All your experience with Obanai told you he was bullshitting. This time, he was speaking the whole truth and nothing more

“You deserve better than me. I’ve been the worst husband to you. I thought i was helping but I wasn’t. I ruined you, I broke you. I’m gonna tell the Master everything I’ve done to you and I, most likely, will be executed. But for you… I’m going to do it” Obanai explained himself so wholeheartedly, his emotions came back to him as he gently presses his forehead against yours and closed his eyes to bask in your presence for a few seconds

It’d be one of, if not the last time he ever have, before he leaves this earth

After that mini paragraph of a reflection. Everything past the day just went by in a huge blur and next thing you know, you’re being brought to the Hashira meeting by your parents, who helped you walk as if you had broken your ankles. You looked less like a corpse after a week or so of being with your parents when Obanai sent letters and proof to the Master about his crimes against you

Unsure why, you don’t remember the trip to the luxurious dark room but you were suddenly on your knees in the middle of your protective mother and father as the Master sat in front of Obanai himself, his head basically buried in the wooden floor, presented in a deep bow as one of the Master’s daughters read every single word of Obanai’s detailed letters

“Iguro Obanai… this is the most disturbing case of domestic abuse I’ve ever had the displeasure of learning about” Kagaya spoke with such anger and disappointment lacing his smooth elegant tone, that Obanai felt his blood being churned in pure suddenly-discovered shame. All the Hashira, behind him, was kneeled down on the grainy floor before the open building were silent, with wide eyes of disbelief at each claim presented to them. They were angry and upset to learn the truth

The other Hashira were taken back as each responded very differently. Kanroji sobbed outloud as she never suspected her beloved friend was abusive, Kocho and Tomioka stayed quiet, Tokito wasn’t paying attention so he was trialing off, Shinazugawa, Uzui and Rengoku demanded your husband get the death penalty for his treatment of you, and Himejima prayed for the death penalty to cleanse Obanai of the demons possessing him

The Master raised his hand with no verbal cues following, effectively silencing the chanting Hashira in the back, as everybody held their breath in suspense for what he’ll say; the right punishment fit for the inhumane action. “I believe I have made a decision. Based on the evidence, the fact you have pleaded guilt and described everything you’ve done in great detail, and with the condition of Iguro Dokusha herself all in consideration. I find you, Iguro Obanai, worthy of the death penalty for your crimes against another”

Kagaya remarked with a intense pain of guilt striking in his weak heart for you, the victim of one of his former children. Obanai knew that would happen, his head never leaving the floor beneath him as the Hashira in the back went wild in relief for the correct answer being called out, including your parents but you didn’t respond

Obanai had left everything he knew you’d love before you were taken by your parents in the morning, and he was taken in by his former acquaintances only a few hours later. All his money, every present he bought you and Kaburamaru whilst he burned everything else that could possibly remind you of him and his abuse, including the wedding pictures and his own ring

He would have left you his Estate so you have a home but he knew you’d have it torn down with possibly all the money he has given to you. 4 years worth of high finances from Hashira duty built up, you would be well off for a long time without him nor working to provide for yourself

Shinazugawa and Uzui hopped onto the wooden platform in a blink to pull Obanai off his knees and away from the Master as his two young daughters helped move him out of the way of the execution weapon; a old fashioned guillotine, brought in by two masked Kakushi and prepared in no time. The blade, nice and sharp and the weaved bucket read to catch a head

The two Hashira aggressively shoved Obanai into the guillotine when one of the Kakushi opened the wooden trap door and the other used the nearby rope to hoister the executional metal high enough until it bumped against it’s wooden frame peek. It was so scary to even hear the noises of the machine

Obanai’s head instinctively turned to face you, letting loose a visible smile at the sight of you healthier and more stable. Due to his bandages being removed beforehand, those thin scars highlighted his face and you could see his genuine relief as Shinazugawa and Uzui worked together to tie his hands and feet still with rope so he couldn’t move any further

Obanai is completely ready to die for you. Head locked in the guillotine hole with the wooden trapdoor shut now, and the thick sharp blade ready to drop on his bare neck. That smile was the most genuine smile you’ve ever seen from him and it broke your heart into two, more than what he did before

His beautiful heterochromatic eyes welled up with tears, his happiness was overwhelming as his death would lead to your freedom. He was happy to be the one to give you what you truly deserved as your eyes also grew glassy, locking with his and you begun protesting in the loudest voice you could manage

You didn’t want to see him die, you wanted to give him another chance as you found love in your heart for him. “Wait! Please! Don’t—“ You cried outloud with tears flowing and staining your cheeks, struggling against your mother and father but your begging went unchecked, overshadowed by the Hashira chanting for the death penalty getting louder and louder

Obanai closed his eyes with that same unchanging smile as he spoke to you, just before the blade dropped at record speed. The Master decided to let him get his final words out before making him pay for his felonies, for which, he thought he deserved to give his life for. He wanted to tell you something before he went to hell

“Dokusha… i love you and I’ll always love you…”

Splat

He’s gone... You think as you stare at his now headless corpse and the celebration roars of the Hashira are blurred out, your head fuzzing and spinning. Your hand clutched your still ringed finger and your heart cracked, his thick rosey red blood pooled in the basket and leaked through onto the wooden panes. You cried out desperately, you couldn’t believe he was gone. Your husband, Obanai is gone

Forever

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omgpurplefattie · 4 months

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When Di Feisheng took his revenge on the old man at Di Fortress, he accidentally freed all the current little assassins-in-training, but wanted nothing to do with them. Fang Duobing involved his mother and her resources from Tianji Hall, who found sects and trades for all the children -- except three who seem too broken to hand over to other sects or masters. Zhan Yunfei and He Xiaofeng try to take responsibility for them, but it's not that easy.

When Di Feisheng first comes to Tianji Hall post-canon, he realizes nobody can talk sense to these kids except him, so he takes the kids under his wing, professing to hate every moment of it. However, it seems to be working -- until the morning of the second Qingming festival after Li Lianhua's death, when suddenly, dramatically and catastrophically, things go wrong.

Di Feisheng and Fang Duobing have to deal with the consequences -- for the children, for the He family, for themselves.

Many thanks to @lyselkatz for cheering-on and help with this fic! 💜

@deepbluewithyellow -- here is the fic I mentioned when you asked for DFS centric recs. Enjoy!

#mysterious lotus casebook #di feisheng #fang duobing #what happened to the di fortress kids?#post-canon #li lianhua is dead and gone #heed the archive and content warnings for this fic #heavy themes #difang #with special guest apearance by #zhan yunfei

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veloursdor · 4 months

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Mr. Kenobi praised him when Anakin did a good deed, and what better deed there was to accompany a lonely soul on a blessed holiday? The teachings of the Light had taught him to be there for others as he wished others were for him, and it was nothing but short of his duty to spend his time with someone who truly cherished him, and wanted his company like no one else had done before. Wasn’t that what the priests and nuns had tried to teach him since he was but a small child?

if there's a hell, this might be the chapter that sends me there

#obikin #obikin fic #anakin skywalker x obi-wan kenobi #obi-wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #obi-wan x anakin #dark fic #heavy themes #read the tags before clicking the link #fslseaes

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q-writes · 6 months

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#q writes #my writing #poetry #poem #writing #poetry on tumblr #words #daily poem #poem on tumblr #spilled ink #heavy themes #death #tw suicide ideation #i guess #me seeing November arrive and the vibes i'm feeling: oh youre going to be even more futureless than last time:)

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ronkeyroo · 2 years

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TW; Themes of depression , Self loathing & Implication/mentions of self harm

It wasn’t her lycanthropy that made her feel like a monster, it was but her own damaged heart and inner demons.

And So she ran away - believing her very presence was a burden too heavy to carry, if only to protect her loved ones from her own demise - No matter how deeply she wanted to run back and crash into his embrace, no matter how deeply her heart yearned to accept his love.

#tw; depression #tw; self harm themes #Heavy themes #Ventart #Vilkas #werewolf oc #Werewolves #werewolf dovahkin #Dovahkin oc #I've been processing alot of heavy things yesterday...ones i felt most fitting to express through Ravens story #it wasnt easy...but im glad i did it #finding comfort through storytelling has been a healthy way to both express and reflect on it all #theres so much i have to say about this encounter and its backstory...But so much of it relates to my own personal struggles #lycanthropy and themes of self control/self hatred...its been weaved through Raven ever since her creation #its as though it goes hand by hand. mirroring one another #I chose vilkas for this scene because of how much she can relate to his own experiences #Ive always headcanond vilkas' lycanthropy taking a great toll on his mental health #enough to leave him with very similar conflicts of wanting to tear away at everything #its such a painful hc but i imagine he always wears bandages around his arms to hide away self harm caused by when he tries to #fight against his lycanthropy and the call of the blood #both Raven and Vilkas have such a complex background and I really wnat to see how they can work through it with their relationship #i believe there will be a part two leading for a more hopeful ending... ;;#these two have so much to godamn deal with and i just want them to find happiness together #im so sorry for dropping such hurt/angst on your feed...Ill make up for it when i can #theres still alot to this scene that has been left untold and i want to share on the hopeful/loving resolution that follows.#they love each other alot. and theyll get through this. they always do #skyrim art shenanigans #skyrim #tes #werewolf angst

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nikoldragonne12 · 4 months

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Shooter at the University (important):

I'm not sure how many people from other countries know about the incident that happened yesterday in my home country, in the Czech Republic, so there are two links:

If you don't speak Czech and the translator isn't your "friend", basicly what happened is that a 24-year-old man, started shooting in the building of the Faculty of Art of the Charles University in Prague. He m*rdered at least 14 people and injured several others - he himself is currently deceased.

More information will be revealed to all of us soon.

I also wanted to inform you that I am okay - I study the Faculty of Art, as well, but at a different Czech university.

And as a student, my responsiblities also include to express my sincere condolences to those most affected by the event.

Thanks to all of you who are reading this post. I appreciate it.

#important #news #shooter #shooter at university #czech #czech republic #czechia #charles university #prague #charles university in prague #heavy themes #murder

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iamgodsoopsie · 4 months

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Astarion Headcanons (that you probably won't like) Pt. 2:

Part 1 link

Part 3 link

More Astarion headcanons! (that are mostly me projecting but with an Astarion flavored twist.)

BG3 does an excellent job at depicting SA trauma and the beginning of the healing process/journey. Many of the headcanons I've seen floating around (intentionally or unintentionally) gloss over the uglier side of healing from (prolonged) trauma. I'm not judging anyone for magically healing him, he's fictional after all, but I'd like to make some more ...realistic... headcanons.

Disclaimer: Everyone's healing process looks different, but they tend share commonalities. These headcanons are based on my own experiences. Not everyone who is healing from their trauma will experience what I have or have experienced it like I have.

[Please don't message me with explicit details about your trauma. I am at the point in my healing journey where I can share my experiences, and commiserate with other's similar experiences, but I am unable to support others in a more personal manner at this time. I wish you the best of luck in your healing process/ journey.]

Spoiler warning

Mental illness, SA, & DV Trigger Warnings: I cannot stress these enough this post is much more descriptive and potentially triggering than part one was.

These headcanons are based on an Astarion who is still a spawn and romantically involved with a Tav who honestly loves him and isn't abusive or manipulative. Also Cazador is dead and Astarion got to stab him. They also assume that he himself does not turn into Cazador 2.0 or Wish.com Cazador.

I hope you're ready for abrupt mood swings.

--- One minute he's codependent and can't make a decision on his own because he's overwhelmed, the next he's hyper-independent and will take offense at any suggestion you make.

----- Astarion is aware that staying in either of the two extremes is unhealthy and would eventually lead him to acting like Cazador.

^ This ties into point two: You need walk the fine line between patient and understanding while he processes "200 years of Shit. PURE SHIT!". And at the same time you need to be firm in your own boundaries with how you allow him to treat you.

--- He's gone 200 years without autonomy and has no memory of what life was like before Cazador turned him. He has no frame of reference other than romance novels and watching couples interact with each other from afar.

-----TBH the best thing for him is to stay in regular contact with Halsin. The man has the same flavor as trauma as Astarion while also having strong boundaries and open honest/ healthy communication in his relationships. He can unjudgementally help Astarion navigate the pitfalls of his healing journey through first hand experience.

Plus Ultra Catholic levels of guilt.

--- Guilt for what he did while he was a spawn. Guilt for how he started his relationship with you (even after you've told him you forgive him multiple times). Guilt for how he lashes out at the one person who has shown him unconditional love (you). Guilt because he feels like he's dragging you down into his darkness and tainting you. Guilt because he fears he's pulling you down to bring himself up. Guilt for feeling guilty because it doesn't absolve him of his sins and makes healing harder.

Self-esteem issues

--- He was SA'd for 200 years, he was forced into prostitution, he was tortured in every conceivable way, he was made to do reprehensible things and learned to find "joy" in them because he would've lost all of himself and his humanity otherwise.

------ His inner saboteur (who sounds like Cazador and himself simultaneously- adding to his self hate) tells him that he is disgusting, wrong, filthy, a burden, unlovable, undeserving of happiness, a monster.

------- Like everything else these thoughts will become less frequent and easier for him to handle as time goes on. All you can do is love him while he self-flagellates and hates himself. One day he'll see himself as you see him.

^ Tying into all the points above, especially the one right before this one. You're going to feel useless. Most of the time all you can do is demonstrate your love for him and sit there with him while he is bombarded with years of repressed feelings forcing their way out.

--- In the beginning your attempts to help him will frequently seem to have the opposite of their intended effect.

----- It's important that you be honest with him about how you're doing mentally. It does him no favors if you set yourself on fire to keep him warm.

------- You'll be angry on his behalf and can't exact revenge.

--------- That being said you are helping him so much more than you think you are. I cannot express in words how much just being there while Astarion slogs through the painful process of healing will help him.

^ ALL of these will get less intense and easier to deal with in time. He will heal and move on from his horrid past. But, it will involve a lot of trial and error. He will have periods of exponential growth followed by a hard backslide in progress. But he will get there.

I wouldn't say that loving Astarion is hard, but it does involve conscious effort on both his and your parts.

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boo-tycall · 2 years

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So....This is love? (1)

Summary: (Y/n) had realized early on that the abuse he had endured through childhood had done more damage than just physical. His inability to properly express his emotions. Lacking proper social skills. On top of that, unable to maintain his friends. And for about three years in the Demon Slayer Corp, that's what he had known. And he assumed that's all he'd ever have.

Through it all though, one fire burned consistently. A leader who did nothing but care for him. And although his childhood had caused such damage, he knew that with Master Kyojuro's help....he’d begin his healing.

Genre: Romance || Angst || Action

Pairing: Kyojuro Rengoku x Male! Reader

Rating: Rated M

A/N: Be warned there will be spoilers from the anime.

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of physical abuse, depression, self harm, attempted s*icide. Please read with caution.

"GAK!" (Y/n) cried, crumbling down on his knees as his brothers held him by his arms while their father took a step back.

"So.... Still think you're so smart now?" The older man asked, spitting on the ground.

(Y/n) lifted his head, tears welling up in his eyes. He had already been hit four times in the stomach, but that last blow felt like it broke something. Making him feel a little light headed.

Wrapped up in his pain, he couldn't even give a response.

"Speak, boy." The man warned once more, making (Y/n) gasp softly.

"n-no sir....." He cooed, shaking from fear. His father only scoffed before grabbing the male by the chin, making him look up at him.

"I will not warn you again. You speak when spoken to. You will not give your opinion because it Does. Not. Matter. Got it?" He growled, his terrible smirk growing into an equally terrible smile.

(Y/n) shut his eyes, nodding furiously. His father again scoffed, glancing at his brothers who released him upon his gaze.

"Go get some water. Clean yourself up. I don't want to see your face for the rest of the day." He barked at the male, who feebly tried to raise himself onto his hands but crumbled again from the pain.

Something was terribly wrong. His father had always been violent, and he had broken more than a few bones in him in the past, thus (Y/n) recognized this feeling.

"Get. Up. And Go!" His father barked once more, swinging his leg harshly into (Y/n)'s face, making him cry out momentarily before trying to scramble to his feet.

The blow was enough to knock his vision, making him see double. A bruise had already begun to bloom. But (Y/n) couldn't fall again, or his father would strike him again. Stumbling, (Y/n) made his way around the corner of their home, grasping onto the wall for support.

Day in and day out....this is all it was.

for 16 years....this is what he endured. He never understood why out of all his siblings, he would often be punished so severely. But after so many years, the question ‘Why?’ ceased to come to his mind. Instead, he resigned himself. He hadn’t ever known anything else outside of the maple forests where he lived.

Other than the river up the mountain where he had to fetch water. Holding his ribs, the boy made his way to the empty well, placing his free hand on the stone.

‘d-damn......’ he thought to himself, feeling his dizziness settling in. So much so, he could hardly sense his younger brother coming up behind him.

“(Y/n)?” Hearing his voice made (Y/n) scowl, glancing over his shoulder at him. He had held him up while their father beat him. And yet he also was the closest thing in this so called “family” to being true to that title.

“What” (Y/n) said lowly, leaning down beside the well and grabbing two empty wooden buckets. “I-If you need help, i can go get the water. He....got you good.”

(Y/n) gave a soft, fake chuckle, trying his best to not show the actual amount of pain he was in as he did so. “It’s fine....please, go see that father takes his nap. I won’t be long.” (Y/n) replied to his brother, giving his brother somewhat of a gaze. Looking past him would be more appropriate to say.

But his brother sighed, a light cloud of smoke from the cold blowing into (Y/n)’s face. “Please be safe. I will make sure father is asleep when you return. Do you want me to sneak you some food too?” His brother asked earnestly, but (Y/n) only shook his head.

“Thank you, but i wouldn’t want father catching you sneaking me food. I’ll be fine. You go have dinner, i will be back before it gets too dark.” (Y/n) replied, raising a weak arm to pat his younger brothers head.

The younger male finally gave (Y/n) a smile before nodding, turning on his heel and walking away to the other side of the home. As soon as he was out of sight, (Y/n) switched one bucket to now be two in a single hand. His now free hand cradled his chest. With a drag in his walk, (Y/n) began his trek up the mountain.

During this time alone, it would often give (Y/n) time to think. Think about where he was and where he was going. Think about who he was.....and who he wanted to be....and yet, as soon as he approached the water and looked at his reflection, reality crashes back onto him.

He had dreamed of leaving the forest, living a life with friends and people who loved him. Yet, he hadn’t ever met another person besides his family. (Y/n) could feel himself getting lost, drowning in his own reflection.

The mark on his cheek had grown dark purple with green and yellow edges. His eyes reflected his exhaustion. His sorrow. His Pain.

Why was life so cruel to him? What had he done to deserve this? More and more questions pooled into his mind as he stepped into the frigid water. He could hardly feel the cold, he could barely feel anything. Even the pain in his ribs, the sting in his cheek, suddenly felt like they had washed away. But something else felt off.

Almost like a plate being shattered, something broke in (Y/n)’s ears. So much so, it shocked him.

All at once, the anguish, the pain, the confusion, feeling itself seemed to drown itself in the river. (Y/n) laid himself in the river, not being able to feel the cold water as it soaked his yukata. He lowered himself completely until all he could see was the blue of the waters surface.

Finally....he let go. Releasing himself into the river. He could see the water flow, he could hear the silence, and he felt nothing. It was comforting. This time he would not get up, he would not.

‘Brother....’ he thought as he released bubbles of oxygen. The image of his younger brother flashing in front of him followed by that of his mother. He could feel everything growing dark. It was a comfort.

The next thing he knew, he was out of the water. Above him, two bright orange eyes stared down at him.

“Quite cold to be going for a swim, isn’t it young man?” The males voice boomed, but it only echoed quietly in (Y/n)’s ears. Was he....dead? (Y/n) blinked a few times before looking down at himself. Covering him was a haori, white like snow with flames that matched the strangers hair.

(Y/n) raised a hand up but as he did, felt the pain of his broken rib. This seemed to have shocked him into being more alert, as the strangers voice now became clear.

“You’re injured. Please allow me to hel-”

“You shouldn’t have helped me. Y-You should have let me die....” (Y/n) groaned. The stranger gave him a warm smile, but beyond that warmth there was a depth of sadness.

“Nonsense, what sort of Hashira would i be if i simply let you die in that river? I’d sooner throw myself in with you before letting an innocent man die while i watched.” He replied enthusiastically.

(Y/n)’s eyes widened in shock as he processed what the male had said before looking into his eyes. In that moment, (Y/n) felt a warmth envelope him. Something so foreign to him, he began to scoot away from the male. “Hey, don’t move too much. I have not checked the extent of your wounds, i wouldn’t want you to injure yourself further.”

“L-Leave me alone!” The male exclaimed, grabbing for a stone but in that same instant he went to throw it, the stranger was mere inches from him, his wrist in his hand. It was so fast, (Y/n) gasped, the action causing him to lay down, placing his free hand on his ribs.

“Now, Now, calm down. Let me see how hurt you are. If you’re truly okay, simply raising your arm should not be so strenuous. And yet you are in agony.” Although loud, the males voice was nothing but gentle as he spoke. Something (Y/n) hadn’t ever experienced.

The pain was so overwhelming, (Y/n) didn’t have the energy to fight back anymore.

The stranger pulled back the haori covering him before pulling back on (Y/n)’s own Yakata. The shocked expression he made was hard to disguise. It doesn’t take a doctor to see the bruises covering the males chest, dark purple, black and blue.

“You look as though you’ve had some sort of beating. I would not be surprised to discover you have broken ribs. Such an injury can be life threatening if not tended to. I will take you to see a doctor where you may receive treatment.” The male said affirmatively, moving to pick (Y/n) up. But the male protested.

“N-No, please! I-I need to get home...my father and brothers...are expecting me home before dar-” As he began to protest, he also took in his surroundings. The forest had gone dark. It was already night.

“Well, i’m sure your father would be far more relieved to hear that you are receiving treatment after being attacked than have you stumbling back with no medical treatment for miles.” The male reassured, hoisting (Y/n) off the ground and into his arms, the haori once again laid on top of him.

“No...No sir...y-you don’t understand. My father will be...furious....please i must...r-return.” The shake in (Y/n)’s voice was hard to ignore, the stranger couldn’t help giving him a confused look.

“Ah....i see. Then perhaps i shall simply need to let him know i will escort you. That way he’d have no reason to be upset or angered. Knowing you are under the protection of a Hashira would certainly ease any parent.” He replied, chuckling loudly as he did so.

Hashira? Where had he heard that before?

“Now, where do you live? I shall carry you!” The stranger assured, making (Y/n) turn pink. “H-Head east down the mountain, j-just follow my foot steps.” (Y/n) replied, looking around.

“Oh...You have another. That one looks very bad.” The stranger said, commenting on the males severely bruised cheek. (Y/n) nodded slowly before sighing, regretting it instantly as he felt the pain surge through his chest.

The stranger gave a soft ‘hm’ before turning to trek up stream. Having flowed down the river, (Y/n) could hardly recognize where he was. But it wouldn’t be too long before they both arrived where he had began his journey, the wooden buckets still there.

“Ah, so then we begin here and head east down the mountain, yes?” The male asked, earning a weak, “Yes sir” from (Y/n).

“Now then, close your eyes and rest if you’d like. I will watch over you, do not worry.” The male cooed, giving (Y/n) a gentle smile as he did so. (Y/n) couldn’t deny that this guy....whoever he was....was someone he wanted to see again. Never had he had someone be so kind and warm to him. Such a gentle tone brought pain to his chest, one more powerful than the pain of his ribs. But....(Y/n) couldn’t help feeling safe.

It brought a weak smile to his face as he shut his eyes, allowing his exhaustion to take over.

“Awaken my friend! I believe we have found it.” The males voice boomed, waking (Y/n) from his sleep.

“Will you stand if only for a few moments?” The stranger asked, “If you are still too weak, i am more than happy to continue to carry you.” He added quickly, giving (Y/n) a smile. Again, (Y/n) could feel his cheeks heat up from the embarrassment.

“N-No, i can stand.” He croaked as the male gently placed him onto his feet. As soon as he did, the pain from the beating earlier combined with the frigid cold was enough to cause him to wince. But he did not grab the stranger and instead walked ahead toward what he did indeed recognize as his home.

As he did the sound of someone running to the entrance was loud and as soon as the door’s curtain was pulled back, the face he saw made him turn pale and his blood run cold.

His father. And he did not look happy.

“F-Father...” (Y/n) meekly croaked as he watched his father approach him. Without time to react, his father struck him across the face, hitting the same bruise he had created a few hours prior.

The force was enough to make (Y/n) stumble as he grasped his face but not for long as his father struck him once more, slapping his opposite side and finally knocking him to the ground.

“Where the hell were you?! You didn’t even do what i told you! You useless piece of shit! You can’t even complete a simple chore!” He yelled at the boy, striking him once more over the head, this time with a closed fist.

Just as he raised his fist to strike him once more, a brush of wind came out in front of (Y/n). He was too terrified to look up, expecting to have another blow over his head.

“I believe that’s enough sir.” The stranger boomed.

His voice was enough to cause (Y/n) to look up. There, the stranger held his father by the wrist. He was so fast and even though his father was shaking with rage, the stranger did not budge in the slightest.

“Who the hell are you? Don’t touch me you brat!” His father barked, swinging his free hand, but again the stranger caught his fist in his palm with ease.

“If you truly wish to know, i am Kyojuro Rengoku. Your son had fallen into the river and i recovered him, that is why he is so late. He nearly drowned.” The stranger, now dubbed Rengoku explained, but (Y/n)’s father simply scoffed.

“The useless rat would have served better use as food for the fishes anyway.”

(Y/n)’s eyes widened in horror as he processed his fathers words. ‘H-he’d...rather i be dead?’ he thought, echoing it over and over again in his ears.

Rengoku couldn’t hide his frown as he shoved the male away from him with enough force to send him a few feet toward the house.

“No father should speak that way of their child. You should be ashamed.” Rengoku exclaimed, unable to suppress his passion. Because he too understood being in this position. Having his father treat him like he’s worthless. Like dirt.

“Hah! What the hell do you know? This rat has been a pain in my side for years and still he has the audacity to disobey me!” (Y/n)’s father barked in return, huffing out clouds of cold smoke.

Rengoku turned around, placing a hand out to (Y/n). The boy stared at his hand for a long moment, unsure if he should take it or not. What would his father do? What would he say?

“Do not be afraid.” Rengoku assured, flashing that ever effective gentle smile.

(Y/n) finally took his hand, pulling himself up gingerly. He shook his head, feeling dizzy again.

Rengoku placed a hand on the boys head before gently rubbing his hair, messing it up well. (Y/n) could feel his eyes buldging out of his head, what was he doing to him? Why was he treating him like this? Didn’t he hear his father? He was a pest. A rat. Better....off dead.

“Then sir, if you have no use for him, may i take him?” Rengoku asked pointedly, shocking both (Y/n) and his father. “W-What?” The boys father replied, but Rengoku simply smiled.

“I am in need of workers, hard larbor you see. I could use a strong young man such as your son. Two problems solved with one solution.” Rengoku elaborated. But the boys father walked forward, reaching out to grab his son.

But again, Rengoku stopped him.

“Unless you’re buying him, you’re not taking him.” His father growled. But Rengoku simply laughed, reaching into a pouch behind him.

“Very well. Name your price.” He replied, but it was then that (Y/n) finally spoke.

“Sir, n-no you don’t have to-”

“Nonsense, this way i can keep you. Work you until your bones ache and not worry because you are mine.” Rengoku cut in, smiling pleasantly. As dark as that sounded at first, it still sounded far better than this hell hole. Rengoku hadn’t been anything but kind to him since their meeting and the thought of leaving this place....finally....

It made something spark in (Y/n)’s eyes, something Rengoku took notice of as he pulled out a tan coin bag. He poured its contents out in the snow, gold and silver glittering amazingly.

“W-Woah!” His father exclaimed, crouching down in the snow to begin to pick it up.

“Good day to you sir.” Rengoku said cheerfully before turning around, gesturing with his head for the boy to follow him. (Y/n) watched his father pick up the coins feverishly. And to think.....he cared more about those coins than his son.

Rengoku reached down into the snow, picking up his now soaked haori. (Y/n) finally turned around as well, grasping his chest. Seeing the boy struggling, Rengoku sighed.

He wringed out his haori before throwing it over his shoulders. “Alright, let us set off. No stops this time.” He joked, making (Y/n) blink curiously at him. Now clearly looking at his face, Rengoku noted a new bruise and fresh blood under his eye.

He chuckled, gently sweeping the boy into his arms again. “Don’t squirm. I wouldn’t want to drop you.” He warned before taking a large leap, causing them to disappear in the blink of an eye. In a split second, his father was a speck in the distance. A memory....that he would try hard to forget.

(Y/n) couldn’t hold back the gasp that escaped his lips, even as he groaned in agony. He clung tightly to Rengoku's uniform, earning a chuckle from him.

His eyes remained closed for what felt like moments. Only opening them when he heard Rengoku release a breath.

Peaking his eye open, he observed a wood and concrete front entrance. The front door opened slowly and behind it emerged an elderly woman.

"Good evening ma'am, i'm terribly sorry to arrive unannounced like this but I have an injured boy with me. Please, will you help tend to his wounds. I'm afraid he has broken many bones." Rengoku explained, but the woman only smiled as she stepped back allowing the male to pass.

Rengoku carefully slipped by, watching the males head as he did so.

"Follow me this way please." The elderly woman uttered softly, walking quite quickly into what looked to be a mansion. All the while, butterflies fluttered by. The sight was so dreamlike and as (Y/n) cast his gaze up at Rengoku, the male returned his gaze, warming him to his core once more.

Perhaps he was bleeding internally and was losing a lot of blood, or perhaps the Trauma to his head from the beating had led to a concussion or....maybe it was the way this man’s eyes stared right through his soul, but it was like he was back in that river. Under the water where everything was quiet and calm, where he felt he had no need to breathe.

"There is no need to worry anymore. You will be safe here." Rengoku stated and soon beamed, and for the first time in.....a very long time (Y/n) returned a smile. Small and weak, but it hurt so much. He didn't keep it for long before tears began to fill his eyes.

(Y/n) looked back down, ashamed to be crying. "I-I'm sorry..."

"Nothing to be sorry for lad! I can't imagine the sort of trauma you must have been facing at the hands of your own father and to finally be away, it is overwhelming I'm sure. Let alone the physical pain you must be in." The male replied all too cheerfully. (Y/n) did not speak, silently letting his tears flow as they stepped into a large room with beds lining the room. And at first glance, it looked like three others were laying in the beds nearest to the entrance.

But the elderly woman had led them both to the bed to the farthest end.

"I will send for one of my girls to bring you fresh clothes. I will also call for a doctor to treat your wounds. Make yourself comfortable." The elderly woman cooed as Rengoku gently placed the male on the bed.

(Y/n) bit back any noise, figuring he must sound annoying at this point. Moaning and groaning.... But his self deprecating thoughts were broken by the males voice.

"When will the doctor be able to arrive? I'm not sure how long this boy has been injured." He asked calmly, turning his warm gaze towards the elderly woman.

"Within the hour Master Kyojuro, do not concern yourself too much. He will be right and rain soon enough." The woman assured before showing herself out of the room. Perhaps to fetch said doctor.

Rengoku sighed, but a breath that was so heavy, it startled (Y/n). Noticing him jump, Rengoku kneeled down beside him, placing a hand on the crown of his head.

"Now, all i can do is wish you luck in your recovery. I have high hopes for you, my friend." Rengoku smiled again, earning another smile from (Y/n).

"Thank you....so much." (Y/n) replied softly, his tears saying everything that he could not muster.

Years of physical and mental abuse, starving and working like a dog.....to be told that he was safe, to not worry....to have someone hope good things for him, it was euphoric. Overwhelmingly so.

Rengoku chuckled, gently rubbing his thumb under the males tired eyes.

"This pain, all the suffering you have endured, it will hopefully pass one day. Until then, do not let it hinder you. Instead, use it. Use it as kindling to light a new fire within yourself. Just as an ash born phoenix, you too shall rise and be reborn as a stronger man from this. I believe you will." Rengoku stated, passion flowing from every word. It was obvious that everything he said, he meant with his whole heart.

And as (Y/n) listened intently, indeed something began to spark within him. Perhaps it was only a spark, but that is all he truly needed.

"I will. I-I promise." (Y/n) replied weakly, but not before raising his arm from the bed, outstretching his palm.

Rengoku looked down at it before taking it, gripping firmly.

"We shall meet again, my friend. Until then, take care of yourself." Rengoku finally stated, getting up from his knee.

As he walked out, (Y/n) watched with admiration. And just as he was about to leave the room, (Y/n) cried out with whatever strength he had left: "I am (Y/ln) (Y/n), do not forget, Kyojuro Rengoku!"

Rengoku turned to to look at him, shocked to see the boy still had any strength, let alone enough to yell at him. But, nonetheless he smiled and placed a thumbs up towards the boy, "(Y/ln) (Y/n), what a fine name that is. I will not forget."

(Y/n) sighed with relief and although more pain followed, it had been the easiest one he had taken in a while.

Soon, all he could hear were the fading steps. Just as quickly as he had arrived to save him, he was gone.

(Y/n) felt a rush of cold envelope him, but it comforted him nonetheless. Although he knew he had much to think about, he did not want to do so.

'I think....I've had enough for today...' he thought as he felt his heavy eyes close.

'We'll...start again tomorrow....'

That was 3 years ago.

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