#Hello. I made myself sad.

[vitasexualiiis]

the tragedy of fukuzawa and ranpo's canon relationship is that i genuinely think that ranpo believes he loves fukuzawa more than fukuzawa loves him.

that's why he's so cranky when fukuzawa wants to find atsushi, even though it's illogical and atsushi is a liability. it's only fukuzawa saying that ranpo's reward will be his praise (read: appreciation) that makes him act.

it's why ranpo pictures fukuzawa like THIS when he thinks of his complicated relationship with his friends--that they need him, but as skill users, will always be better than him--during his confrontation with mushi.

note that this is right after fukuzawa tried to sacrifice himself for the greater good during the cannibalism arc, and that he's currently punishing ranpo for going against orders and trying to save him. (also of note is the fact that ranpo thinks that fukuzawa will be angry with him for trying to get kunikida out of jail.)

it's no coincidence that during this same confrontation, one where mushi is forced to admit that he did the unspeakable for a loved one, ranpo also admits that he would also do terrible things for the sake of his loved ones.

it's part of why he's so furious that fukuzawa won't listen to him at the start of the hunting dogs arc, which happens immediately after the above.

it's why he's so jealous of fukuchi, to the point where fukuchi can get ranpo to act in a way that atsushi has never seen before. fukuchi's taunting has ranpo literally trembling with rage during this scene in the anime.

AND! STILL! after all of this--after fukuzawa repeatedly puts his desire for justice above his love and respect for ranpo, after ranpo's dealt with years of fukuzawa sticking up for fukuchi--someone ranpo REALLY doesn't like for both obvious and less obvious reasons--he still trusts fukuzawa and lets fukuzawa's desires guide him.

even when he knows fukuzawa is wrong.

how couldn't this shake ranpo's faith that he matters as much to fukuzawa as fukuzawa means to him? that fukuzawa's desire for justice and upholding the greater good--his need to forever atone for his past--will always mean more than his relationship with ranpo?

that maybe, one day, fukuzawa won't choose him in a way that takes him out of ranpo's life for good?

#hi! hello! i made myself sad! #please be sad with me #ranpo edogawa #fukuzawa yukichi #bsd meta #fukuran #<- though this is definitely more about their platonic sitch in the canon #ranpo #fukufuku #fukuzawa #<- organizational tags #vita.txt #not me hoping that fukuzawa will be denied the catharsis of self-sacrifice!

[elvenbeard]

20677

“What happened in 2067?” Kerry asked.

“Hm?”

V, still somewhat zoned out, needed a moment to register fully what he had said. It was oddly quiet in his apartment, as if the city hadn’t fully awoken yet either. Nibbles dozed on her favorite pillow on the sofa and the sun was shining, dust swirling in the light. Everything seemed strangely peaceful, normal even… as if there was anything normal about having Kerry-fucking-Eurodyne casually lounge in his bed after an emotional rollercoaster of a day and night yesterday. Yet, with all that had happened over the past two months, V grasped at every semblance of "normal" he could.

“I mean… don’t have to tell if ya don’t wanna,” Kerry added, sitting up properly now, and moving to join him at the edge of the bed, “Was just curious.”

He had every right to be… V had grown so used to being silent about his past, his private life, that it had become quite hard to open up when prompted. Even with people he felt safe around. To a degree, his silence felt unfair towards Kerry, whose life had been on public display for decades – more or less accurately depicted. He literally carried his past on his sleeve, but even if he didn’t, by Johnny’s presence alone V already seemed to know so much more about Kerry than the other way around.

Kerry trailed a finger or two down V’s spine, making him shiver in a pleasant way. A caress of something he had almost forgotten about, at least for a moment taking his mind off his uncertain future. Reminding him of where he once had been and how far he’d come, who he had become since then.

“Ah, the tattoo…” he realized.

“Guess you can put two and two together ‘bout mine,” Kerry said with a sad smile, looking to the floor for a moment, “2023… hell of a year.”

“Pah, he can talk,” Johnny scoffed somewhere in the back of his mind, but V decided to not humor him right now. Honestly, he doubted Johnny really meant what he said half of the time. They weren’t so different after all, in that regard at least: hiding their hurt behind sarcasm and snark…

This thought alone made V want to spill his entire life’s story right then and there. But no matter how much he wanted to do it just to prove Johnny wrong, spite wasn’t strong enough a weapon to break down the walls he’d built up around himself. As much as he’d set himself free in 2067, it had somehow also marked the beginning of a downhill race – sure, with a few peaks in-between, but the overall trend hadn’t been that positive in hindsight. There was little glory in his past, and he dreaded the moment he’d have to come clean about his time with Arasaka. Not in the sense that he regretted having worked there, he still didn’t and probably never would… but not being sure at all about how Kerry would take it.

As if he could hear his thoughts, Kerry looked back up at him, almost expectantly, but V still didn’t know where to begin, or what he was even ready to share.

“Could say 2067 for me was what 2023 was for you, in a way,” he decided to say, lame as it was as a reply, “Something ended, and something new began.”

Deep down he knew Kerry would understand. You didn’t get a year and wings tattooed across your whole back if it didn’t hold significant meaning, usually even in a painful way. Yet all that had happened then seemed so minor and unimportant to what was happening to him now… If he made it out of it alive, he’d have to get the six covered up with a seven.

He realized he’d been quietly staring at his own intertwined hands for a little too long now, abruptly turning to look Kerry in the eyes again. The thin golden rim around his gorgeous, piercing blue irises gleamed in the morning sunlight and the sight took V’s breath away for a moment.

“As I said, no need to tell right now. Or ever,” Kerry repeated softly, lips then curling into a cheeky grin, “Like me a man with secrets. Somethin’ to look forward to unravelling further down the line.”

V’s heart first jumped then sunk at that notion.

“Kerry…” he hesitated, voice barely more than a murmur. Then he sighed.

“In 2067… Felt like I was at a point of no return then. I thought I’d never be as scared and lost again as I was that year. But now…”

He hesitated for a moment.

“Ironically what scares me the most is knowing exactly what I’ll have to do next. My path is clear, seems to be set in stone, I didn't have that certainty back then… but at the same time it’s like I’m ‘bout to walk straight off a cliff.”

Kerry looked him in the eyes intensely, and V wanted to believe he recognized understanding and sympathy in his expression.

“I’m not gonna say I understand even half of whatcha goin’ through right now,” Kerry said and scooched a little bit closer, their hips and thighs touching now, his arm around V’s back. Kerry sighed, and his face was so close to V’s, his breath brushed past his cheek and neck and chest. Had he wanted to, he could have counted all his freckles, reminding him so much of the stars in the night sky he’d always been so desperately looking for as a kid.

“You asked me yesterday if I was sure about this. Us,” Kerry said quietly, “Knowin’ what’s potentially gonna come.”

V’s heart was beating so hard, so fast, as if it wanted to climb out of his throat.

“Yeah,” he said, voice cracking slightly, grasping at his own fingers even more tightly now, shoulders tense. Then Kerry pulled him closer, just a tiny bit, less than an inch really… but it was still somewhat startling and unexpected. Kerry wasn’t shy about touch, that much was clear, and V was still somewhat overwhelmed by it now and then. But this now was different, subtle, soft… and he liked it a lot.

He looked back up at him.

“Still no doubts,” Kerry then said, gently and firmly at the same time. V was frozen in shock for a moment, but the warmth of Kerry’s smile started to melt his tenseness away, little by little.

“Thing is… ya never know what’s gonna come. Sometimes you just gotta take the leap and hope for the best. Take all chances you can, cause life’s only gonna throw so many at ya.”

He had a point. All he could really do was continue moving forward. No matter how much he wanted to put off the inevitable, it would arrive sooner or later.

Kerry tilted his head slightly and smiled, and V couldn't help but do the same, heart beating hard and fast again. Fuck... it was way too soon to say "I love you", but in this moment he was certain that this was exactly what he was feeling. He hadn't fallen so hard and so fast for someone in a while, hadn't even thought he'd ever be capable of it again.

"Guess the odds of us ever meeting and ending up here were pretty slim, too," he then said instead.

"Nothin's impossible if you set your mind on it. You've shown me as much, and I'll keep it in mind for sure..." Kerry smiled as he leaned in to capture V’s lips in a soft, warm kiss, his hand reaching out to hold V's, the sun embracing them.

Maybe it was worth risking it all, if on the other side of the abyss waited a future with more of this. And even if not… V was certain, whatever time he had left, he wanted to spend it at Kerry’s side.

#cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk v #male v cyberpunk #kerry eurodyne x v #kerry eurodyne #eurovyne #cyberpunk fanfic #cp2077 #cp2077 fanfic #cyberpunk 2077 vp #shippy saturday #otp: to bad decisions #vincent ezaki #hello I made myself sad with my own writing again #the line with the freckles surprised me so much and punched me in the feels but it's my fave #~ they were made for each other ~ #I wanna do so much more in this format #stories with screenies inbetween #also this is all the aftermath of another conversation I haven't written yet #the whole 'how much did johnny really tell you about my condition and how limited our time together could be?' issue... #only played through in my head over and over #but I'm not emotionally ready for writing that yet XD

[andtwelfth]

Nacho Varga + his bath for @happy-ash

#bcs edit #bcsedit #better call saul #bcs spoilers #UH SORTA #michael mando #nacho varga #ignacio varga #nachito #me just whispering hELLO to myself over and over as i made this #anyway enough being sad time to be thirsty look at his ARMS #also.......you know............. #riotgifs

[nothinggold13]

*watches the prequel trilogy with the og trilogy once* GUYS I THINK I UNDERSTAND STAR WARS NOW

#star wars #I have enough chaotic thoughts that I could let this take over my blog for a short time but I probably won’t lol #it’s just that I spent the prequels going ‘ok but this is Bad’ a lot of the time #but then I followed them with the og trilogy (which I’d at least 60% seen before) and suddenly that new background information MADE SENSE #like. Darth Vader. he really IS protective of Luke from the get go. like. hello Anakin. #so like. parts of it are still a bit of a dumpster fire. #BUT I SEE THE FRAMEWORK NOW #brb thinking about Leia carrying her mother’s sadness. that’s a thought. ‘Beautiful and kind and sad’ #like. just. oof. #I also actually understand why the prequels are Bad now which is fun and I’m temporarily obsessed with them #may watch TFA at some point because I wanna meet Rey and Finn but I will not complete the sequel trilogy lol #little bro says the sequels Aren’t Star Wars and I preemptively agree but I just wanna steal the good parts to add to my mind #may watch Rogue One at some point too #and then we’ll see if I submit myself to the devastation of the clone wars because I probably shouldn’t but also it would probably fix me #I’m gonna shut up now. I should get ready for bed.

[merryandrewsart]

"_you changed, you're not that man I fell in love with.."

#bradley rooster bradshaw x jake hangman seresin #hangster #sereshaw #:))) hello I was in need of a 'cheating' trope for these two so I made one myself hehe #you're welcome! #if you stumble upon this post I'm sorry 'shrugs' I don't regret it #@redfurrycat that little boyo is Mitch :> I didn't tag you cus this post is so sad hxgdg #yeah Bradley does something and Jake leaves him and takes their kid too #I may do part two #top gun: maverick

[lord-squiggletits]

Another reason to ship IDW MegOP specifically is the fact that both of them are the villains to half (or more) of Cybertron's population. Like, there's Megatron with his tyranny and genocide and hypocrisy, and there's Optimus as the former servant of Zeta's regime plus being a Prime. Sure, other continuities of MegOP have that "lonely at the top" thing that Megs and OP have because of being leaders, but IDW Megatron and Optimus? Not only are they lonely by virtue of being leaders who can't have/refuse to have personal attachments, but they're lonely because both of them set out with the best of intentions only for their lives to be primarily known for all their horrible deeds.

There's just something so melancholy about the thought that, besides a few sympathetic friends (who all either wander away, die, or can't show their friendship due to publicity), both Megatron and Optimus are doomed to die and be remembered as part of one of the worst eras of Cybertron's history. There's something so lonely about it. That they both lived such grandiose lives, the stuff of legends, only to be stripped by one path or another into being sad, pathetic relics of war, too late for either of them to live real lives before they die.

It feels like they really do have nothing but each other, like there are no other Cybertronians in existence that could see each other for all the worst things they did and still see them as people. The deeds and consequences of their lives stand larger than they could ever be as individuals. And maybe they can't ever redeem themselves to Cybertron/the galaxy, but because they're two sides of the same coin, they can find some sort of peaceful resolution in each other. No other person that has stood where they've stood and understands the effects of this entire lifetime of leading war. But maybe, between their different virtues and flaws, they could have found ways to forgive each other and find personal redemption between each other in the way they could never have in the eyes of the rest of the universe.

It's literally just them versus the world. Profound loneliness drowning in their own oceans of regret. But they're the same in their loneliness, so maybe together they don't have to be so lonely.

#megop #megaop #opmeg #idw megop #megatron/optimus prime #squiggposting #hello i made myself sad thinking about this #i was going to nap but then i thought of this and now i ;_;

[moeblob]

This is really weird but like hello hi I like games that let you make a protag design then let you design someone else to be like. Your follower/ally. And you can make em different heights. I feel the need EVERY TIME to make a tiny protag and a tall secondary character.

I also am so weak for the secondary being non-human, too. Please let me love my weird companions.

#freedom wars #this is outta nowhere supposedly but like lmao i tried a different game and i was just reminded of fw #and im like dang i really liked my sinner who got the title accessory-obsessive and never changed it #weird fact of while i prefer to be called salmon myself very much so?? #i named my sinner in fw something different then named my accessory salmon #he was the love of my life #i still love him tbh #he hates me for spending my life running around not fighting abductors bc im too busy gathering #its true i drew a comic for it ages ago #im a useless wittle fella #my wonderful prison warden beloved salmon hello i love you all these years later #its like in dd:da where you have the arisen and pawn #there is something deep in me that has a profound love for my pawn my beloved weird humanoid pal #listen i just like having tiny trouble makers and tall rule abiders who are very done with my antics #bc tbh i suck at games i am so bad at playing games if my life depended on being good at games i would die #theres also a secret third game that i am very much not mentioning out of shame that i started last night where you can do this #and my only complaint is i made the mc a guy and the other guy a guy and i feel so sad #that the height gap isnt as big as it was in fw and ddda #im not gremlin enough in the secret third game

[storybook-souls]

before i get to the book asks: i was tagged by @gideonthefirst for 9 no-skip albums! this was hard for me. partly bc when i'm listening to an album i don't actually skip songs and partly bc even albums i really like there's usually at least one i'm just kinda meh on. but these 9 i really think i stand by all the songs. sorry patd is on there but i had to follow my heart

for other people to do it ummmm @oberon-miranda-titania? @ratgirlianthe? @hoot-h00t? any of you feel like doing 9 albums?

albums are: Some Nights by fun., A Badly Broken Code by Dessa, Gone Now by Bleachers, A Fever You Can't Sweat Out by Panic! at the Disco, Boreas by The Oh Hellos, HARDLOVE by NEEDTOBREATHE, Pure Heroine by Lorde, Sigh No More by Mumford & Songs, and Transcendental Youth by the Mountain Goats

#trans youth isn't even my favorite goats but it IS the most no skip. due to my favorite albums having songs i actively avoid bc they make me #far too sad #doomsday diaries almost made the cut but then i re-listened to rapture and i still don't like it. sorry ms axford. #also you may say boreas is an ep but tbh the entirety of the four winds series is no skip for me #limited myself to one per artist also otherwise probably chime and aim & ignite and grand romantic would be there #some nights is also maybe cheating bc i can't stand the acoustic we are young that's at the end but i just love the rest of that album #and it feels like that one's not a real song. #tag game #it's sort of fun to discover w this that there are some of my favorite artists (oh hellos + nate ruess + dessa for instance) where i tend t #like EVERYTHING they put out and others (fob + hozier for example) who very much ARE among my favorites but i couldn't find a no skip for

[depraved-gf]

Wanna b needy

2 scared 2 scared

Whyyyy am I like this suddenly lmao

#O yeah it's prolly the Testosterone being out of my system for 2 months now... Oop #Hello emotions #Calling the waaambulance #Just come here n kiss meeee #BE MY VALENTINE #Yes I'm acting like I'm 12 I've never had a valentine :< #Ex thought it was stupid of me to ask him every year :< #Aaand I've made myself sad lmao #Logging off fr now #If you read these tags ur amazing and u deserve the whole world despite what anyone else says CUZ WHAT I SAY GOES okay?? <33

[imminent-danger-came]

that post your talking about is especially funny considering swk being a trickster is one of his defining traits

RIGHT.

I also just think at this point, he's trying to not hurt people (with varying degrees of success). You know, "Come on! Show me the real Sun Wukong! The old you would have leveled this whole mountain range to stop me! But you're scared of hurting some kid? Pathetic!"

#it's kinda like...Wukong has to be pushed in order to push back I think #Also I just made myself SO fucking sad hello #''But you're scared of hurting some kid'' ''Can't you see you're hurting the people who care about you the most?'' #He couldn't save the pilgrims #literally on the floor whatever #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk SWK #asks #lmk theme: hurt

[manneatcr]

#hello dead dash it’s almost 2am and I’ve made myself fckn sad because I decided to go through my old art portfolio #because I used to like??? be pretty good I think??? #and it made me think about what I might have been able to create if I just kept at it after hs #and ngl I miss it so much my heart kinda hurts #ya know #I might try to pick it up again if I can get out of my own head about being incredibly out of practice #I just remember being such a perfectionist about it #and idk how I’d handle the reality of deteriorated talent lmao #idk I just #feel some type of way now #ooc *:･ﾟ✧ #mobile mun #tbd prolly #vent cw #kinda #personal cw #kinda pt 2

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

what have they done to the book

#they didn't include i want you so fucking have me??????. #girl why #they didn't include the ppt????? bea is being so chill and dismissive like hello she's the best sister ever????????? #alex is so uncaring about henry everytime henry talks about himself alex is like but do yk about how cool i am and my life and im so #awesome i do real stuff that matters like excuse me alex is the most understanding and kind and supportivr person ik he's so gentle with #henrys sadness he would never ignore it😭😭😭😭 #also the politics?????? excuse me alex ke opinions matter a lot to his mom she doesn't see him as a kid and he DIDN'T SLEEP WITH A MADE UP #JOURNALIST AND SPILLED HIS TEXAS PLAN HE IS FUCKING SMART OKAT #and nora doesn't like pez what on earth???? she lwk likes june i have receipts #but haaha how would that be possible when there's no june 🙄 #i need to reread the book to cleanse myself istg this is bad #i mean it's good it's awesome and magical to see queer people on scene falling in love having tender sex #but #i am fine i am happy i am satisfied

[avatardoggo]

i get my nails done just to spark conversation with pretty girlies

#i’m obsessed with these nails like omgoodness so cute!! #and the freaking hello kitty akskkskskdd #i got them done for the funeral bc this was mar’s favorite color and she loved HK #🥹ok i just made myself sad again😃😅 #vk overshares in the tags #if you like this post ur a pretty girlie (gender neutral) <3 😚

[whimsyprinx]

hello new followers

#whimsy whispers #playing my usual game of: who are you and how did you find my blog #if you found me because of [insert post that got more notes than expected here] im sorry to tell you im simply not as funny or fun as the #post may lead you to believe #we are sad here #like very sad I am very sad and very mentally ill and I do make that everyone else’s problem #if you found me because of a mutual then hello! I’m still sad but my beloved mutuals still are here so welcome mutual or follower in law!!! #idk what else to say this is just me warning y’all #rn I’m fairly calm but like a week ago I was pretty much convinced I was gonna off myself #the feeling comes and goes #I can’t even remember what made it as bad as it was #sometimes it all just gets to me and becomes so overwhelming that I can’t deal #I’m still not doing the best mind you but like I have no intentions to consider kmsing

[theangrypomeranian]

Susmita blasts Maroon by Taylor Swift when she and Henry are broken up for a few months in college, thank you and good night

#susmita bob's burgers #henry haber #henry x susmita #hemita #maroon taylor swift #sally speaks #yes hello i decided that the ship is called hemita pls use the tag from now on xD lmao #and yes i made myself sad in the shower just now from this #shut up

[androidemotions]

Dont trust your brsin at 3am~~~~ !!!

#sorry im havung mood swungs #my thiughts are coherent and like she made points tho #but like also i need tk sleep and i go from very sad go like laughing hello go to sleep #note to myself