I can't believe DC is going to trick me into reading dark crisis
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Broke: unreal unearth is a tale of heartbreak of Andrew's past relationships
Woke: unreal unearth is a journey through Dante's inferno in lyrical form
Bespoke: unreal unearth is a modern day Irish rebel album and is a tale of grief from Ireland surrounding Britain's colonialism
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gabriel: I just ended a six thousand year relationship
someone: omg are you okay
gabriel: I’m fine, it wasn’t my relationship
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normal oak swallows garcia the unworthy marlowe swift li wilson is not allowed a single W without it really being multiple Ls in disguise
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We got that werewolf/vampire dynamic now come get y’alls FOOD
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hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x
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what i thought they'd be like when i started:
xavier: the stoic-but-secretly-shy mild-mannered love interest
zayne: the serious-with-a-sad-past cold love interest
rafayel: the flamboyant-and-careless playboy love interest
what they turned out to be:
xavier: the "i only care about mc" possessive love interest
zayne: the stoic but secretly cute childhood friend love interest
rafayel: the bratty and clingy younger love interest
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Let me start out by saying that I am trans and do suffer from gender dysphoria. So when I say this I am in no way trying to make fun of trans people, okay? I don't want to hurt anyone. This is just how I perceive my experiences.
I have species dysphoria.
I am serious.
I made an earlier post about the intersection of my trans identity and my canine identity, and so many folks felt the same way- thank you for sharing your experiences btw I was happy to hear that I was not alone.
I get frustrated knowing that I will never fully look how I envision myself to be. Even if I do go on T at some point and become happier in my human body, there will always be the nagging feeling of something missing.
Canines are so intrinsically linked to my identity and how I see myself that I just- I can't see myself any other way. I love dogs in particular; they were my first special interest and I was so obsessed with my dog as a kid that I adopted some of her behaviors. Every book I read for years of my childhood was about dogs (or animals in general). I drew mostly dogs and cats growing up and even now I only draw animals. My first volunteer experience was with dogs (now I work with cats lol) and I just see myself as one, you know?
Maybe it's because I'm autistic or maybe it's the trauma and rejection I faced in the past but I just don't feel human... gender. I don't know.
It's a stupid way to feel but I can't change it. I wish I experienced my gender in a more "normal" way but that's why I haven't found a label that truly fits either. It's all so human and I'm just not.
Anyone else get where I'm coming from?
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