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uravitypng · 1 day

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Shameless smut for atsumu with a chubby reader?👉🏼👈🏼

you ask and i deliver <333 (because i can't help myself when it comes to writing about tsumu asdfghjk.) there may be some mistakes in this, it's only something short i wrote so hopefully you like this short shameless smut everyone !! i love atsumu with a chubby reader, here's a full fic i did with atsumu and a chubby reader (x)

"tsumu we're going to be late! our reservations are at half seven, we're meeting all the others in less than an hour." you're meant to be celebrating a msby win with the team and their partners but instead you're laying in your shared bed with your fiancee with your dress bunched up.

"don't blame me. it's yer fault for looking so hot. you can't blame me when my wife looks so good."

"wife? not yet." you try and pull your dress back down but atsumu isn't having it and swats your hand away, not letting you.

"shut yer trap, ya know what i mean." while keeping your dress bunched up he runs his large hands over your thick thighs, enjoying your soft skin underneath his hands.

you giggle at his response but your laugh is cut off as he places a kiss over your clothed clit making you gasp. " 's not my fault when you look so hot in that dress, clinging to all your curves like that. you're making me go crazy." he pulls down your underwear and throws them somewhere behind them not taking any notice to where, "we can be a little late."

"a little?" you snort as you stare of in the direction of your discarded clothes. he smirks and kisses your hip, pulling down your dress too at the top so that your tits are on display and your dress is only covering the middle part of your body. atsumu pulls down your bra and gropes your breasts.

"this is stupid," he says suddenly before he starts pulling up your dress to take it off completely and moves up to face you so he can look at how pretty you are.

"i thought you said it looked hot?" you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down to kiss him.

"you do! ya just look better with it off," he smirks and allows you to pull him down. kissing messily, all tongue and teeth, clashing , right in the moment, he just can't help himself when it comes down to you and you're not one to complain just as swept up around atsumu as he is with you.

his clothes come off just as rushed as yours did, hastily pulling down his jeans and boxers all at once. he quickly threw them behind him too, getting the same treatment as your clothes did.

atsumu lifted your thigh up, resting his palm at the bottom, where he's slung your thigh over his shoulder and he's folding your body as he plunges his fat cock into you. your wet heat envelops him and he groans, "jesus baby, i love you s'much."

he ruts into you hard and fast, causing your plush body to jiggle with each thrust and atsumu doesn't know where to look, you look like a goddess in his eyes and every inch of you is perfect he just doesn't know where to look. your tummy rolls that are squished together, your breasts that freely bounce without any bra, your cute face and chubby cheeks, your pretty pussy that keeps sucking him back in with every thrust, not wanting him to go, leaving a creamy ring at the base of his cock with every thrust. he can't decide where to look- you're perfect.

you admire how handsome your fiancee is above you, bleached dyed hair that's became messy after him jumping on you, a light sheen of sweat covers his forehead and his lips plump, looking slightly swollen from how much you've been kissing. you reach a hand up and tug his hair, pulling him down so he's close enough for you to kiss again and you do kiss.

one hand is still holding onto your thigh occasionally squeezing the softness making him harder. his other hand is holding onto one of your hands, fingers intertwined. "love you too 'tsumu!" you moan and you're gripping onto his hand even tighter.

you turn up to dinner late, very late.

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haikyu-mp4 · 3 days

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Media presence, part 2

word count; 797 – gn!reader

go read part 1 first for the best experience

You didn’t spend most of your time around the volleyball players themselves. Their managers communicated with you about their events and you used all the information you had to make sure everyone looked good and everything was well-prepared in terms of their image. It’s a busy job, but you would be lying if you said you didn’t love it.

Some days you would spend all your hours in the office, either at home or at work, and some days you got to join the players to make sure everything went well. The day after your talk with Sakusa, there was a photo shoot for a sportswear advert and they wanted your problem children.

All four of them had their makeup done and were dressed up in their first outfits, which were beach-themed. They walked out of the changing rooms and stood in a line, adorned in various shirts with shorts of different lengths. You were picking at their clothes, rambling about how important it was that they tried to coordinate so all four could shine in every photo while they nodded along without even registering your words.

Meanwhile, you also made some observations. For example, you looked at Atsumu and hummed in appreciation. “They put you in the shortest shorts like I told them to, good.” You knew what the fans liked and gave the customer some pointers ahead of time. This visibly boosted his ego and you chuckled under your breath as you moved on. “Make sure you give the other guys some pointers, ninja Shoyo. I advised them to put you in the front for this theme.” Then you looked at Bokuto and tilted your head. “I thought I suggested a different hairstyle, but you look great, buddy.” All he heard was look great. Finally, you looked at Sakusa, and you would be dead before you admitted to taking in a breath from seeing him up close without a mask.

He blinked at you, hoping he looked bored even though his heart painfully begged to get a compliment from you. It took you a moment to collect yourself and he smiled just a little. You cleared your throat, looking him up and down. He was wearing a skin-tight top, making his muscles look especially good. “Yes, boss?” he said, making the others snicker like children.

“Please put some effort into this and don’t look sour. You know…” Sakusa looked annoyed again, perhaps because he didn’t get an obvious compliment so you rolled your eyes. “Don’t waste it.” you finished before walking straight off to go see the stylists about some comments you had, and both of you knew what you were talking about. Don’t waste your pretty face.

To some people’s surprise, Sakusa did very well! Not only did he look hot, but there was a charming smirk on his face as well that you only recognised from hearing it in his voice before. Sakusa knew you were watching and it was oddly motivating. Still, when Atsumu asked why he was being so cooperative, he crossed his arms and frowned, saying something about how much he wanted to get it over with.

You were looking at the photos sent to you from the client a couple of days later, smiling at how good all your guys looked. While you couldn’t send them the photos yet in fear that they didn’t understand what confidential meant, you sent them each a message saying they looked good and did a great job.

While throwing together all your stuff to go home for the day, you heard your phone buzz on the desk and picked it up only when you were ready to leave. You were humming something under your breath until you saw Sakusa’s message.

Sakusa: Is that from you or the bosses?

You smiled, cursing the way your ears felt warm.

From me:)

After that, you didn’t expect any answer from him, putting the phone in your pocket while travelling home. But as you were brushing your teeth, another message came in.

Sakusa: Bet you wrote that to all the guys.

You had to reread it 10 times, wondering if this was really Sakusa and in that case, what he meant by it. Nursing your lip between your teeth, you replied.

What if I did, does that bother you?

Sakusa: Don’t flatter yourself.

Sakusa blinked at the message he sent, cursing himself for sending something that sounded so… not nice. It did bother him, and the fact that it bothered him bothered him even more. He wished he was the only one you noticed despite this being your job. How embarrassing of him. He left his phone beside him on the bed, closing his eyes as he realised he probably wouldn’t be receiving any more messages for now.

So much for trying to flirt.

masterlist

/I feel like all his texts could be read in a flirty or teasing tone, but because they’re from Sakusa, it doesn’t work out. Also, I wrote a part 3 which will be the final part.

#haikyu #haikyuu #haikyu x reader #hq x reader #fanfiction #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #hq #haikyuu x you #haikyu fluff #msby sakusa #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa x reader #haikyuu sakusa #hq sakusa #msby

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romeavecryst · 2 days

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Fragments of Love ˖ ࣪⊹

K. TUSKISHIMA x Fem!reader ˖ ࣪⊹

Sum: Loving Tsukishima wasn’t easy, and eventually the fraction of love he gave her wasn’t enough to make up for his words anymore.

Warnings: Angst, toxic relationships, cursing, not proceed ofc!!

.˚₊‧ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ‧₊˚.

It was to perfect, wasn’t it? Sure she knew what she had gotten herself into when she began dating him knowing it wasn’t easy. But every couple has downs right? But one fight turned into one every week, and one every week turned into almost every day. They’d go days without having a meaningful conversation or even checking up on one another. The smile she once greeted him with slowly disappearing every time he saw her, she looked exhausted.

She was, she was tired of begging for his attention his love. The fucking bare minimum, why couldn’t he give it to her? Because he simply didn’t want to? ‘

‘Just leave him.’

She couldn’t, she stayed because even after the cruel words he said to her even after he got in her face even after everything. She came back to him every single time. Because he apologized.

He’d apologize, holding her close to him and tell her that he was sorry and he loved her. He’d show her so much love, because deep down he knew he was wrong for what he’s done.

That she never. Ever. Deserved the things he said yet he said them to her. He’d break her heart over and over again and she stayed. And everyone remind him that, simply tell him that he didn’t deserve her. That he took her generosity for granted, and that someday she won’t be as forgiving, that she won’t run back into his arms.

Their voices echoed outside the gym, they had been arguing all day and it finally erupted. Him complaining that she’s taking up his practice time, that he has better things to do then sit her and argue with “ a fucking-!”

“A fucking what?! A fucking what Kei!”

“A stupid fucking bitch!”

“Fuck you! You don’t care about anyone but your fucking self!”

He scoffed going back and forth with her, his face close with her as there screaming match became more heated. The sound of the gym doors opening being drowned out as they yelled. “You put your hands on her I’ll put you down my self.”

Tsukishima turned around quickly the feeling of his captains hand grabbing his arm, “like I’d fucking touch her.” He said.

Daichi glanced at his fist then to him “but you thought about it.” His voice stern. Tsukishima scoffed pulling away from Daichi walking to the gym, not sparing her a glance. As sick as it was she wouldn’t be surprised if he ever laid his hands on her, he’s punched walls and thrown things at her.

Daichis eyes met hers, her makeup running her eyes bloodshot. “Think it’s best you head home for the night.”

So she did.

And when it was time for his cycle to repeat, she stood there her eyes lifeless as she looked at him. Moving her head when he tried touching her face. Her anger was still fresh. Give her time. Give her time to come back like she dose.

Time was given and she didn’t run back into his arms, she didn’t accept his apologies. Days had passed and he was going crazy, the messages he sent being left on read over and over. Her never responding to them even when he would curse as her and tell her stop being dramatic in the voicemails he sent. He couldn’t stand how she avoided him in the halls like he was nothing. He was weak.

He’d never admit it would he that he was weak without her. It made him sick how dependent he was for her. Once two weeks had pass he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Please.” A broken sob came from his throat.

“Go home Kei.” She spoke turning around to face him more.

Tsukishima was on his knees his head touching the pavement as he bowed apologetically, “I’m begging you please.” He cried.

He had finally looked up to her hoping there was something, even a simple frown in her brows. But nothing, she faced him emotionless. Just like last time. He’d sucked the last bit of life out of her, that when he finally decided to care it was too late. He wanted her to laugh in his face right now tell him how pathetic he was; crying at her feet like this. Yet she just stood there her hands tucked away in her sleeves her arms crossed.

“You used to make me feel good about myself, but now you make me feel like shit.” She spoke softly.

“Like I’m not good enough, or interesting enough-“

“I don’t think that..” he started.

“No shut up. Because that’s bullshit Tsukishima! You’ve told me yourself,” she scoffed. “Telling me I’m not good enough, that I’m lame, that I’m annoying that I’m unlovable.” She said her voice cracking.

His heart broke because she was right. He never had anything good to say, he’d done nothing but degrade her for months. That he was the cause of all of this because he couldn’t show her his love.

“I hate that it’s taken me till now to open my eyes,” no, no,no.

“Because I am enough. I am interesting, I am worthy of fucking love!” She spoke her voice stern.

She was worthy of love, yet he never showed that to her. He wasn’t worthy of hers, he didn’t deserve the chance she gave him. And she was going to leave him, this was what he was so afraid of. Trusting letting someone in. But how could he feel that what when the person he treated so horribly let him in so easily over and over again, he treated her like a fucking chore. Not his girlfriend.

“We’re done Kei. Over. I’m transferring, because I can’t be around you. I’m blocking and removing you on socials, don’t fucking reach out to me. Because with me leaving I don’t know what you’ll do. Maybe you’ll get a new girlfriend and treat her like a fucking human being.”

No, no he didn’t want a new girlfriend. He wanted her, she was leaving him. Leaving him for good. Moving schools so she doesn’t have to she his fucking face anymore. Blocking him so she doesn’t receive messages of him threatening and bullying her then begging for forgiveness. Over and over.

Broken sobs came from him as he stood up walking towards her, pleading her not to go. Just to give him a chance he’ll make it right this time. He promises. He promised to love her. To cherish her. That nobody could love him like she did because she was lovable. Because he was so fucking in love with her.

His head pressed against her front door as he begged her to open it, that he’ll make it right. A loud thud of his fist hitting the door as he cried. “Go home Tsukishima or I’m calling your brother to pick you up.” She spoke her back to the door.

“Don’t do this.. please.”

His brother had eventually picked him up with Yamaguchi and his father. When he got home he stood in his room phone in hand a message typed out to her. The message was green when he sent it.

“FUCK!” He yelled throwing his phone. Anger, was all he felt Anger and sadness. As he thrashed his room tears streaming down his face. He fucking hated her how could she do this to him. How could she leave him. That she made him feel so loved and she just left him. God how pathetic, she was a fucking loser, leave him? How could she leave him in so much pain?

“You’re actually joking me right…”

Tsukishimas eyes met his best friends. “What..”

“You’re blaming her.. how dare she leave?”Tadashi scoffed. Tsukishimas eyes left his looking over the others that sat with him during break Kageyama and Hinata.

The team stayed out of his business of corse but tsukishima brought this on himself rambling about her, because he was obsessed. Because he couldn’t admit he was in the wrong. That he was wrong, but how dare she leave right? Because it’s all on her.

“You ruined her.” The voice of the team’s manager spoke up.

Everyone looked at her, before Tsukishima could open his mouth she turned towards him “You ruined her, she let you hurt her over and over again. And she stayed. But when she’s finally fed up with your bullshit. When she became self aware of her self worth it’s selfish? Shame on her for wanting to be loved right? Shame on her for knowing she is so much more than you ever deserved.” She scoffed.

Kiyoko looked Tsukishima in the eyes “Thanks to you, she won’t ever be able to let anyone in as easily again, she won’t be able to feel loved because you tore her apart, you didn’t love her.”

“I did, I do love her. Fuck you, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” He spoke standing up.

Kiyoko rolled her eyes. “You don’t, you never fucking loved her because if you did she still be here. If you loved her you would have showed her.”

“But you’re a fucking insecure loser.” She finished her tone filled with venom.

Tsukishima was speechless. Kiyoko was right, that if he loved her she would still be there. With him smiling, holding his hand. But she wasn’t.

He ruined her, ruined her sanity and self respect for herself. Shame on her for having an enough to leave him so she could fix herself. Because all of a sudden once she left once he knew he lost her he started caring. She wouldn’t let anyone love her in the way she deserved because of him, because of him she’ll create a barrier never to let anyone in again.

Because he only gave her a fragment of his love.

it’s very much ranting apologies.. listened to ceilings on repeat while writing this!!

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eggyrocks · 2 days

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part fifteen: moral compass

m. list

fun facts

kageyama had to remind himself not to tell anyone about yn texting him

yn is an ex emo (still a ryan ross stan to this day)

after every shift, tadashi has his "decompression time" where he just sits down silently on top of tsukki and recharges

tsukki does his best to go about his business; it's usually like he's wearing tadashi as a backwards backpack while he works on his laptop

hinata's trying to not get involved in with the yn/osamu drama bc he does not want to be in the middle but atsumu keeps texting him updates on whats going on from osamu's pov so he ends up knowing the most of everyone

album playing in the coffee shop: njwmx by new jeans

taglist: @wyrcan @rieieieieieiei @thechaosoflonging @publicbathroompanic @bedeater @rottingt1tz @rintarawr @deluluforcarlos55 @ahseyy @localgaytrainwreck @cherrypieyourface @baskin-robinhoods @polish-cereal @iheartamora @ferntv @eclecticeggknightpsychic @httpakkeiji @garden-of-bri @shotenvinsoot @sugartits123 @awktwurtle @randomidk-123 @httpakkeiji @hikikaimar @rinaheartss @hypnoticmistake @eyes-ofhell @noodleswastaken @nnnyxie @hermaeusmorax @rasisarchive @lees-chaotic-brain @sabar7 @marzzn @phoenix-eclipses @causenessus @potatogaryy @ilychee08 @yxcntruu @cotton-eee @minnniee @sleepy-time @cannibalsrider @k8nicole @qualitygiantshoepsychic @ekeio @bae-ashlynn @macchiatomegumi @r0seandth0rns @astereim @rebirthbunbun @glitch-karma @ganyours @bookworm-center @kindlyemely @pinksilk @roses4lex @okaeya

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu #hq x reader #haikyuu smau #hq x you #haikyuu texts #hq #oikawa x y/n #oikawa toru x reader #oikawa x you #oikawa fluff #oikawa tooru x you #oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa x reader #hq oikawa #haikyuu oikawa #oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader smau

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mission-seek-affect-focus · 11 hours

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#agender #dyed hair #bad dragon #gorgeous girl #hq #lick my pussy #jelena #blair waldorf #yuukoku no moriarty #kids #pink diamond

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meleth03 · 3 days

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Atsumu: Well, well, well, if it isn't my old friend... Atsumu: The realization that I fucked up real bad.

#haikyuu!!#incorrect haikyuu quotes #hq incorrect quotes #hq atsumu #miya atsumu #atsumu miya #atsumu #msby atsumu #haikyuu msby #hq memes #hq

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mshbysmeraki · 2 days

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Starfire

Completely in love with this art, I love the HQ version of it. His huge, wild hair looks like flames of fire. Do you like comics? I am addicted.

#art #artists on tumblr #digital art #digital illustration #drawing #ibispaint art #my draws #artwork #fanart #hq #dc #dc starfire #starfire #teen titans

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sigelfire · 17 hours

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This is the original of the very first picture Victor Ayala took of Diego Luna, which I also posted here

#diego luna #victor ayala photography #HQ #researchs and findings #i don't know how i'm still alive...

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osamusbigtits · 1 day

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suna gets a tramp stamp as a joke and then remembers that tattoos are very real and very permanent and starts wearing compression shirts to practice and games to avoid being found out. osamu bullies him so hard for it.

#suna doesnt always think things through all the way #its what makes him stupid #bex thoughts #hq #suna rintarou

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catladykt13 · 22 hours

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#haikyuu #art #hq #hq fanart #sakusa kiyoomi #illustration #miya atsumu #sakuatsu #hq atsumu #hq sakusa

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haikyu-mp4 · 2 days

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Mistletoe

word count; 531 – f!reader

Inarizaki were not exactly unfamiliar with pranks, but when everyone walked into the locker room after a tough winter practice, none of them could figure out who hung mistletoe over their door. Nonetheless, they kept getting dressed into their normal clothes while still discussing the odd decoration.

Everyone looked up when their captain knocked on the door instead of walking right in. “Manager coming in, everyone better be decent in 3… 2.. 1,” he announced before the door was opened, revealing you and Kita side by side. You had a kind smile on your face as usual, notebooks clutched to your chest.

“I just need to note down something I forgot, sorry for interrupting.” you started saying before frowning. “Why are you laughing?”

Snickers sounded throughout the room, some holding it in and some not. “It’s just...” Aran said, pointing at the branch that hung from the ceiling. “You two are under the mistletoe.”

You look up, tilting your head in confusion and looking back at the boys. “Did you guys hang this up here because you like kissing each other?” you asked without wavering, lifting an eyebrow and pointing your gaze more towards the second years. Some of them were even blushing.

Atsumu would not take this slander. “Well we don’t walk inside in pairs, but you two did,” he noted, crossing his arms. The guy was also not wearing his shirt, making Kita squint so he knew he would get a scolding later. However, he had more important things on his mind right now. There’s a reason Aran was trying his hardest not to smile too much. Kita would never in a million years deny kissing his crush.

“Please excuse them, y/n. We don’t have to-” Kita started saying, but he was shut up completely as you stood up on your toes and pecked his cheek before turning back to the boys.

“I need to know how many of you need new shoes next season,” you asked, clicking your pen and waiting for them to answer you. Kita had a light blush covering his nose as he glanced between you and his team, feeling like they were all staring at him. Not that he would have traded that for the world. He was so entranced by your confident professionalism and light humour in addition to the kiss, making him choke on any words he wanted to say.

“My shoelaces tore, so just laces I think,” Aran answered, saving you from further awkward silence. Suna said something about needing a new pair in a bigger size, and after just a minute, you had everything you needed.

“Great! Thank you,” you said, bowing to them before turning to Kita. He hadn’t noticed before, but now he could see your red ears and temples, a sudden shy smile on your face. “And to you, Kita.” you bowed again before turning around and walking out, leaving a stunned Kita to stare at the floor where you just stood.

Osamu whistled, putting his sweater on. “Didn’t know you had the hots for our manager.”

“Not another word from any of you about this or we’ll run double laps outside when the snow falls.”

masterlist

/It snowed like 2 weeks ago where I live so I got inspired, sorry for posting winter content in spring hehe

#kita shinsuke #kita x reader #kita x you #inarizaki #haikyuu #haikyu #haikyuu x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyu x y/n #haikyu x you #fanfiction #hq fluff #hq x reader #hq

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causenessus · 1 day

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binary stars

part 0.5. DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY

NOW PLAYING . . . philadelphia by matt maltese

prev. | m.list | next

extras <3

tooru completely forgot to actually ask the rest of seijoh 4 if they would be up for ramen tomorrow (because after he walked out of the equipment room he was just so proud of himself for talking to yn he immediately packed up and left) so they wouldn’t have known if yn didn’t bring it up in the superiors gc

OR DID HE FORGET? he thought it would be a happy accident if it ended up just being yn and him but he was still working on the excuse. then he got distracted and actually did forget to come up with an excuse so it was a good thing the rest of seijoh 4 did end up coming (he realized he would have been too nervous anyway if they didn’t come)

yn spent five minutes looking at her twitter post before posting it imagining if she just put “love” instead of “loves” but knew it would look weird

makki and mattsun continue to complain over having to put up the net as third years (the first years would do it but they just arrive at practice later and makki and mattsun hate sitting around doing nothing)

taglist: @anonnreader777 @daisy-room @deluluforcarlos55 @eggyrocks @hikikaimar @httpakkeiji @intergalacticrory @localgaytrainwreck @mitfloya @reallyvexin @sunarins @usermins @yenonnoff @wyrcan (form to be added to taglist <3)

#oikawa tooru #tooru oikawa #oikawa tooru x reader #tooru oikawa x reader #oikawa x reader #oikawa smau #haikyuu smau #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #hq #hq x reader

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eggyrocks · 2 days

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bites -> h. iwaizumi

now playing: the chamber pot was full by iris bilinsky

main masterlist

tags: iwaizumi x gn!reader, hurt/comfort

word count: 3.3k

warnings: illusions to childhood trauma, destructive coping mechanisms, unstable relationship, arguments, abandoment, death of a family member, language, 3rd person pov, they/them pronouns for reader, not proofread

minors dni & other rules

an: if no one else got me, i bet on losing dogs got me. can i get an amen

It’s easier to bite than it is to be bitten.

And when the first few years of your life leave you with angry, ragged bite marks all over your body, the imprints of familiar teeth disfiguring your skin, it’s something you learn quickly. You’d do anything to stop it. You’d present your neck in submission. You’d scatter at the sight of bared teeth. You’d eventually start biting back.

The train rocks them slightly, their shoulders drifting just a touch left, and then just a touch right. The low noises of the train pulling forwards on the track are blocked out by the headphones on their head, soft and sweet music in their ears. The sky is rich and dark, an empty basin untouched by the lights of skyscrapers and phone screens. It’s nice, almost. Peaceful.

They’re not quite used to the city yet, even though it’s been years. Sometimes, in the morning, when their mind is awake, but their eyes are still closed shut and the sunlight is turning their eyelids a bright orange, they��re afraid that they’re back home. That they will open their eyes and be there. Where it’s quieter, but the buzz of cicadas was constant. Back home, where every noise was a threat, and every threat made their spine curl inwards.

The noises of the city around them are their first comfort. Noise isn’t something to be feared, here. When they hear it, the voices of strangers and rumbling of the subway beneath them float up into their open window, they can finally open their eyes, and feel at ease.

Steadily, the train eases into a stop. Their eyes drift towards the sign, and note their stop is still further down the line, that they’re still nowhere near as close to home as they would like to be.

Today was their mother’s funeral. They didn’t go. They cried, and then felt like they had no right to. They drank a bottle of something that made their throat burn, and then hurled the glass bottle against the wall, just so they could watch it shatter. And when they left, not even bothering to lock the door behind them, the shards were still scattered across the hardwood floor, reflecting the sunlight that poured in through the window.

It's been a day of idling wandering. Of trying so desperately not to think of the one thing that has been on their mind. A day of trying to become numb. A fleshy and pliable mound of nothing, free of bite marks, unbothered by the cicadas.

Their body is tired and their mind worn, eyes red and puffy, cheeks stained with tears. They just want to go home. To step over the glass and wake up to noise and pretend that their mother isn’t dead or alive, but just a faded, blurry memory that could be real, or might not be.

Vibrations from their pocket drag them out of their thoughts. They clear their throat as if they’re going to speak, but they know they’re not going to answer. It doesn’t matter who’s calling. There’s nothing they need to say.

Hajime.

They sniffle and clear their throat again. And then, they place their phone back in their pocket, letting it ring, hoping that he will give up after he gets their voicemail the first time.

When they first met Iwaizumi Hajime, they had a school uniform and a bag full of contraband. Loose stolen cigarettes, water bottles filled with clear alcohol, a handful of lighters that could barely produce a flame.

It was dark, and classes had let out hours ago, but yet they lingered. Wandering on campus, trying not to be seen by anyone else that might still be lingering. The wind kept blowing out the lighter, and they were struggling to keep the tip of the cigarette red. They leaned up against the outside of a building, focused on the heat on the tips of their fingers.

“What are you doing?”

They didn’t flinch. Getting caught never made them flinch. They were used to it, at this point. Used to being the delinquent, the one always in trouble. The one who caused problems. What was one more issue. What was another problem. They turned their head to face the person who called out, lip already furled up in a snarl.

It was some relief to them to see that it wasn’t anyone of authority. Not really. Just two dickheads from one of their sports teams. They recognized one. Oikawa Tooru. Pretty and imposing, adored by all. It was impossible not to know who he was, even if you tried. And they tried.

The second one, they didn’t recognize. The only thing they remember about him from that night is how they looked at them. Frowning slightly, head tilted. Not looking disgusted like his friend did. Not looking scared or worried or uncomfortable like all the other looks they were used to getting. He looked at them in a way that was unfamiliar. In a way that made them take a step back.

They had fixed their glare on Oikawa. “None of your fucking business,” they called back to him, voice as nasty as it always was, and lighter finally catching the end of their cigarette, tip cherried.

There was this look Oikawa gave them. One that made them want to snarl and snap their jaw like a dog. One that told them so clearly that he thought he was better than them. That he was a figure of superiority, and they were filth to him.

He didn’t say anything else, though. His friend nudged him with an elbow and gave him one look. Then they were off, walking away as if nothing had happened. As if they heard none of your fucking business and accepted it earnestly.

And they were relieved to be alone again.

They had noticed pretty quickly, though, that the friend, the one with the look, was hard to avoid after that. He didn’t say anything to them, not for a while. But he kept an eye on them. Head turning to look at them in class, not bothering with discretion. He always found them after classes, hiding somewhere on campus.

Eventually, they learned his name. Eventually, he started asking if he could walk them home. Iwaizumi asked seven times before they said yes.

Their eyes were on the ground, watching Iwaizumi’s stride, and how it matched with theirs. Their hand gripped tightly on the strap of their bag. “Why’d you want to walk me home so bad?” they had asked, breaking a long stretch of silence.

Iwaizumi shrugged. He didn’t look at them. “I don’t know. I just want to. No harm to it, so just let me, alright?”

So they did.

Every night, after they avoided going home for as long as possible and Iwaizumi was sweaty and out of breath from practice, they walked home. He would always stand back and watch as they opened the door and closed it behind them. Then, Iwaizumi would turn around and walk back in the direction they came from.

Iwaizumi became a lot of things to them. Too many to list off. It was overwhelming to think about, sometimes. They way that he became so intwined with their life that it was hard to remember what it was like before he was in it.

He made life easier, for them. Iwaizumi would laugh and it would make them smile. They woke up in the morning and their first thought was not to listen for the potential creak of footsteps outside of their door, but it was of Iwaizumi and his crooked grin and the way his voice sounded over the phone. And when things got hard, they would close their eyes and grit their teeth and endure, thinking of how it would all be okay once they could sneak out the window and slip into Iwaizumi’s.

His fingers were running along their scalp, weaving between the roots of their hair and a thin line of spit connected their lips. It broke when he opened his mouth to say, “I love you,” for the first time.

At the time, I love you didn’t seem like enough. Because Iwaizumi was more than just someone to love. He made breathing easier. He dragged his teeth along the skin of their neck and left bite marks that meant something new. They said it back in a voice that sounded like a strangers, and they meant it. But it never felt like enough. Not for Iwaizumi.

And then, after two years of a love that felt like it took up all the air in the room, he left. Iwaizumi left.

They weren’t mad. It wasn’t anger or rage. It was this heartbreak that felt like nausea. This cramping, pounding pain in the chest that doubled them over, that made them shake. This desperation to cling to him and this internal begging to him, to the universe, to anyone, for it to not be true. For him to stay, by their side, where they thought he was supposed to be.

But it was true. Iwaizumi was leaving. Going to a different country without them. Going to live a different life without them. Going to become a new person without them. And it didn’t matter how sweetly he delivered the news, how he held onto them as he did. It didn’t make it hurt less.

Hurt dogs bite. They snap their jaws out of fear of getting hurt worse. And that was all they were ever taught to do.

He’s been back for over a year, now. Living in the same city as them. Orbiting the same circles as them. Iwaizumi’s different now. They’re different now. But it didn’t take long after his return for them to collide again. In bars. In coffee shops. In rooms with locked doors.

Every time they do, they feel like they can forgive him for leaving. When they’re deep into the night together or there’s alcohol in their veins or Iwaizumi’s kissing them like he used to. It’s in those moments they feel like they can be together, like they were. But then when their thoughts get clearer and the sun rises, they remember how the abandonment felt, and how they never truly got over it. They remember how they could never, ever forget, and certainly could not forgive. And they bite.

The train stops again. The doors open, and no one steps off. No one steps on. Iwaizumi left a voicemail. They don’t listen. They don’t want to hear his voice. But they look at the transcription of his words. Where are you? Please call me. Don’t do this, okay? Please.

When he calls again, they swipe the notification away, determined to ignore him, determined not to find comfort in him again. The tip of their thumb hits taps on their messages, scrolling through their dozens of unread texts. They have some from Iwaizumi, which they ignore. There’s plenty from distant relatives, grandparents, siblings. They’re full of admonishments and curses and lectures.

Some are nice, from friends, some acquaintances, wishing them well and giving awkward, unsure condolences. They have one from Oikawa.

9:12 PM: Stop doing this to him.

It was always up and down with Oikawa. He never thought them worthy enough of Iwaizumi and was always quick to point out their mistakes and flaws and issues. But they would always remember the night Oikawa had drunkenly confessed to them after Iwaizumi’s return that he hopes it works out for the both of them. That Iwaizumi was better with them around. That they just need to get their shit together.

They sigh and pocket their phone again. It did little to help.

For the rest of the ride, they ignored the constant calls from Iwaizumi, and let the voicemails pile up, until there was no more space for them.

He’d given up by the time they reached their stop, and the sun had fully dipped behind the horizon. They step out of the station and onto the street, one song playing on a loop, and walk lazily back towards their apartment. It’s an early summer night, the air pleasant, not too sticky with humidity. They can feel the substances drain from their veins as they start to gain some sense of clarity.

Their shoulders are drooped and feet dragging by the time they reach their front door. Sloppily, they push their key in, missing the first two times, before they push their hip into the door, ready to stumble into bed and sleep so long they forget about the fact that their mother is dead.

Once they stagger into the kitchen, though, they freeze. He’s there. Iwaizumi is there, one hand holding a trash bag, the other pressing a phone to his ear. “-yeah, no I’ll call you back. They just got here.”

He hangs up then, slipping his phone into the pocket of his jeans. They stand there, frozen at the sight of him. There’s no shattered glass bottle on the floor. There’s no stains of alcohol on the wall. There is just Iwaizumi, exhausted.

Before they can even full process his presence, he’s dropping the trash bag on the ground and walking towards them, arms extending and pulling them tightly into his chest. And it’s in his embrace, suddenly encased in a familiar warmth and smell, that they snap back into reality. They squirm, palms of their hands pressed flat against his chest and shoving him away. “What are you doing?” they ask, step back and away from him.

Iwaizumi lets go, and he looks at them. The same look he had on the first night they had ever seen him, back in high school. It’s one that they’ve gotten used to over the years. Curiosity and concern. Iwaizumi wears the urge to protect them the same as he always has. “Where have you been?” he asks, voice hoarse and worn. “I’ve been trying to reach you all day.”

They toss their keys on to their countertop. “Don’t worry about it,” they dismiss, turning their back on him and opening the refrigerator, eyes scanning for an unopened bottle of alcohol. Whatever kind will work. They’re just feeling too sober.

But Iwaizumi is a step behind them, and he juts his knee into the fridge, closing the door. They turn again, arms crossed and glaring to see that he is glaring right back down at them. “What’s your problem today?” they demand, aggravated, aggressive.

“Don’t do this,” Iwaizumi pleads, trying to keep his own frustrations clear from his tone. “Not today. Just let me be here for you.”

They scoff, and roll their eyes, opening the fridge once more, swooping down to snatch up and can of beer before Iwaizumi closes it once more. “Just so you can leave again in the morning?”

It’s mean. It’s unnecessary. But they can’t help it. It comes naturally to them, to throw it back in his face in a moment like this. They don’t know why they do it. They don’t get any sense of satisfaction when the words hit his face, when they make it drop. It just twists their gut in this awful sort of way.

The can of beer opens with a hiss, and they take a hefty gulp. Iwaizumi watches, and balls his hands into fists by his side. “Drinking’s only going to make it worse,” he warns, voice thick. It only earns another scoff from them, and Iwaizumi takes a step closer to them. They take a step away, their back hitting the counter behind them.

“What are you doing here?” they ask, holding the can of beer in front of their lips, using it as a barrier between them and Iwaizumi’s words.

“No one knew where you were,” he tells them, strained. “I’ve been trying to figure out where you went and what the fuck happened all day.”

They shrug. “I went out. I dunno.”

He’s unimpressed. “Did you got to the funeral?” he asks.

The words make them flinch. It makes them uneasy to hear those words spoken aloud. “No. Did you?”

Iwaizumi frowns. He hated their mother. He’s always hated her. He wouldn’t honor her in life and he wouldn’t honor her in death. “No. Where were you all day?”

“Why’s it fucking matter?”

Iwaizumi inhales. They can see the breath rise and fall in his broad shoulders. “Cut the shit, okay? I’m sick of it,” he snaps. “You’re really starting to piss me off with this. Stop acting like people don’t care about you. Stop acting like I don’t care about you. I do care about you and it makes me fucking worried when you just disappear-“

“You disappeared,” they remind him, pointing a finger against the center of his chest. “You left me, and you weren’t worried about me then, so you don’t get to be worried now.”

He shakes his head. “I was worried. I never stopped worrying. Being away from you fucking sucked for me too,” he insists, trying to keep a control on the volume of his voice, but it wavers.

They cry when they’re angry. They can’t help it. They hate it. It makes them feel weak and emotional. But their throat gets tight and their eyes prick and they just can’t stop themself. “It sucked for you but it was hell for me! I was stuck with her and all I wanted was you and if I couldn’t have you, then I just wanted to hear your voice but you never fucking called!” they erupt, leaning in closer to him now, face hot and tears spilling.

Their voice shakes. They’ve argued, they’ve danced around the subject. They reminded Iwaizumi of how he left. But this is the first time they’ve said anything more about it, and the worst twist in their chest.

“You abandoned me,” they continue. “Once when you got on the plane and then again when you acted like I didn’t exist. I used to wait up all night for a phone call from you.”

Iwaizumi blinks. “I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me,” he admits, voice lower now. “I thought you hated me.”

They did hate him. They hated him and they loved him all at once. “I still hate you,” they say, and it’s half-true. “I hate you,” they choke out. It’s half a sob, and they slump back against the counter. “I hate you.”

Iwaizumi leans closer, placing his hands on counter on either side of them, caging them in. “I love you,” he says, plainly, like it’s a fact. And they shake their head, crossing their arms over their chest, trying to deny it. Iwaizumi lifts a hand and takes their chin between his thumb and his finger. He makes them look him in the eye. “I love you.”

And they feel so stuck. Because they want to push him away and kick him out and delete his number and never, ever give him the chance to leave them ever again. They never want to feel the way they felt when Iwaizumi disappeared from their life.

But they want so badly to be loved by him again, and to love him again. He’s offering it to them, leaning in closer to his forehead rests against theirs, and they’re not sure they have the self-discipline to deny him. “I love you,” he whispers again. “I don’t care if you hate me. I’ll always love you.”

It’s then that they can’t hold back the sobs any longer. It all just becomes too much. The drop the can of beer, still almost full, and it fizzes and spills all over the floor. Neither one of them seems to notice, as they lean forward, pressing their face into Iwaizumi’s neck as their cries rock through them. Iwaizumi is steady, like he always is, arms tight around their back, holding them up, like he always did.

And at least for now, that is enough for them.

an: omg this was kinda corny but also i kinda love it lmao. VERY DIFFERENT FROM WHAT I USUALLY POST HERE SO I AM NERVOUS !! if u made it this far pls tell me what u think <333 reblogs are appreicated!

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