Ive been out and living openly as a gender nonconforming lesbian since 2002 and I really think right now, in 2023, there is as much if not more hostility, disgust, and erasure of lesbians than there was when I was growing up. Well meaning allies afraid to say the word lesbian, treating it like a dirty regressive hateful identity, or as a slur. A cyclical, meaningless, ever changing carousel of language around lesbianism. The demonization of same sex attraction and homosexuality. Young queer people parroting the same shit violent homophobic men said to me in 2005 without any irony.
It’s deeply dismaying. Lesbophobia and misogyny, including internalized lesbophobia and misogyny, are not only normalized and accepted but rebranded as “woke” or progressive. It’s absolute bullshit.
So whatever, I know I might get backlash for this but I feel like as pride month is winding down it needs to be said: I am proud to be a lesbian. I love being a lesbian. I love the word lesbian. And there is NOTHING WRONG with being a lesbian. There is nothing wrong or morally questionable about same sex attraction. You never have to interact with a penis ever again if you do not want to. That does not make you bad. You’re not a vagina fetishist or a bioessentialist. SAME SEX ATTRACTION IS NORMAL, HEALTHY, AND NOT HATEFUL. We exist and we will always exist and we are not deviants. Our sexuality does not need to be ‘inclusive.’
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cross stood a bit awkwardly, his brow furrowed as he stared at this mess of... things before him.
killer's goofy grin wavered just the slightest, and there was barely visible dip in his arm before he collected himself again.
"tadaa," he repeated, just as cheerful as the first time.
cross glanced at the little box in his hand, and glanced away nervously. "uhm."
killer's left eye scrunched a bit, confusion on his face as he lowered the small wooden box he was trying to give cross, "what's wrong?"
cross was looking everywhere but killer, his eyes focused on a nearby broken window, and he gripped his arm, frowning. he couldn't tell if this was one of killer's skits or not. the way it looked was striking cross oddly, and he didn't quite know what to do.
killer was kneeling, holding up a little box, and their campsite was set up vastly different than normal. it looked like... some kind of set up for something important, but he didn't know which option was the right one, or one he was okay with.
"...what's all this about," cross finally asked, and killer's head tilted, his grin going lopsided, one side ticking downwards at cross's less-than-enthused response.
"i dunno, i thought it'd be a nice surprise?"
"what kind of surprise," cross said back, a bit more sharply than he'd intended. it wasn't that he hated how much it looked like killer was proposing, no, perhaps if it were.. in a different time, he'd be less... averse.
"huh?" killer glanced back at the neat, comfortably made spot he'd set up in the backseat of a car, and then at the box and back at cross before his eyes widened and he started shaking his head, "wait- oh-- wait, no, shit okay-"
he stood up, dropping the box and reaching for cross, who took a half step back, his eyes narrowed, and killer let him go, his fingers curling in the air before he pulled his hand back and clasped them together, pressing his knuckles to his teeth as he hissed quietly, his brow furrowed.
cross crossed his arms, and frowned at the floor, not sure why he was reacting this way to the concept, the implications. killer let his hands fall as he started, "i wasn't-- i know what it looked like, but it wasn't-- i wouldn't. or i? w-would, but-"
killer looked increasingly embarrassed, or stressed?? as he fumbled with his words before finally blurting out, "valentines!"
cross blinked, and echoed, "valentines???"
killer slumped a bit, and groaned quietly, rubbing at his neck with a slightly pained expression, and he leaned down, picking up the little box and cracking it open, presenting it to cross.
rather than a ring, it was a little carving. the stray thought crossed his mind that killer was getting ridiculously good at carving. it was a small cat with an even smaller heart in it's tiny paws, as if it were playing with it.
cross's tense shoulders eased, his expression softening, and he reached forward to run a finger over the little carving, his eyelights trailing upwards to killer's crooked grin.
he looked apologetic, but sincere, hopeful even, and cross sighed as he shook his head, taking the little box and shutting it, setting it in his pocket as he muttered, "you fucking idiot."
killer's expression brightened, and he lit up, "do you like it?"
cross snorted, and pressed into killer's space, nosing his way into the warm space between killer's neck and his messy jacket fur, sighing as he embraced his stupid stupid companion.
"how did you even know if it was valentines or not?"
killer's arms slid around him, returning the hug tightly. cross could feel the chuckle in killer's chest, the echo of relieved joy cast from killer's soul, the organ hovering safely within cross's ribcage.
"i didn't. but, i figured, we should have one still. for, uh. for old timess sake."
cross squeezed him tighter to himself, and hummed. old times sake.
"...were you really that-"
"no."
"if-"
"yes."
killer's hold tightened, and cross could hear the smile on his voice. "where'd you wanna go, for the honeymoon?"
cross snorted and leaned back, knocking his forehead against killer's as he murmured, "i hear the backseat of cars are popular these days."
killer let out a delighted bubble of laughter, cackling and giggling even as cross nosed his way back to the crook of killer's neck to plant an affectionate kiss to his neck.
-p :]
if it were a different time, a different world, it would be someplace in the mountains.
AUGHHHHH????? AUGH??? AUGH. WAILING
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