#I COULD FUCKIN CRY !

[johnslittlespoon]

MOTA FINALE SPOILERS

posting this scene in full here because i think it's necessary and i'm not sure how any of us are ever going to recover. i feel insane

#these mfers just wanted to see how hard they could make me cry #and boy did it fuckin' work #i cannot stop #buckbucky #buck x bucky #mota spoilers #masters of the air spoilers

[sleepygaymerdisease]

imma da pronouns now ! wahoo!

#the mario pronouns post is makign me cry is this what someone expects the next mario game to be like. fuckin. pronoun wonder. #also yes i did the audio for this be nice to me LOL #i know i could do better than this but i cant stop fucking laughjng at that stupid tweeetttt #anis gaymer moments #mario #<- i forgot i have a mario tag.....

[potatobugz]

*picks you up and dips u in a vat of acid*

#south park #sp #pip pirrup #pip pirrip #damien thorn #dip #sp dip #dip is one of those sjips that i only enjoy if its outside of the canon . show if that makes sense #cuz otherwise like they were only in one episode 2gether and damien like. hated him #but *thinks about them anyways* #i mean as in. i only like it in rlly specific circumstances otheriwse id be indifferent toward it #these all mainly came about cuz im writing a damien and pip friendship fic thing #cuz id like to explore their dynamic actually (and also I WANT PIP TO BE HAPPY) #anyways i rewatched 'Damien' (the episode) so i could characterize him right and like honestly thats gotta be my fav episode in s1 #its fuckin hilarious #also DAMIEN MADE A CAMEO IN A LATER EOISODE AS LIKE A LITTLE EASTER EGG. HE WAS ON SUPER NANNY. LIEK THE TV SHOW #KM CRYING ITS FUCKING AMAZING #i love damien like ppl characterize him as being pissed off all the time and while yea technically true #he feels a lot more. immature to me #hes literally like an angsty little kid and the onyl reason he set pip on fire was to impress the 'cool kids' one might say #cuz hes weird and no one liked him #but i like him. #his weirdness is captivating #damien meeting the lame loser kid that he doesnt like and befriending him cuz they actually have a lot in common #(and damien is very very lonely) #also pip deserves a good cry honest to god #i want. him to be happy. nyow #i want damien 2 be happy too tbh #potatart

[benthesoldiersjeanshorts]

#dank memes #memes #lol memes #meme #stolen memes #stray game #i need to reinstall and play this again #never thought a game where you play a cat could make me cry #that's a lie #i fuckin knew it would

[cainware]

Do you guys ever think about Bruce being afraid of Clark? And not in the sense of "Oh this man is literally invincible", no. But in the sense of "this man is comfortable enough with me to be vulnerable, to express his feelings, and what if he shouldn't?"

Bruce, who has watched time and time again, the ones he loves get hurt either because of him or as a result of being associated with him. Bruce, who has begun to close off his emotional needs more often than not in order to operate as the bat. Bruce, who is dark and gritty and so full of love but so afraid to show it.

But then there's Clark. Strong, kind, shining gold Clark. Clark, who doesn't hesitate to talk to him. Clark, who extends his hand in friendship and perhaps more, because he trusts Bruce and cares deeply for him. Clark, who's sunshine and tenderness Bruce can only dream of having.

Do you guys think that openness, that level of soft warmth, scares Bruce? That when he does take Clark's hand, he's so full of fear that it's almost euphoric when calm washes over him instantly with Clark's warm, calloused hand in his own. That Clark wraps Bruce up in his arms, and Bruce feels the safest he's ever felt in years.

"I was starting to think you didn't like me, Bruce."

"Quite the opposite. But I've been afraid to admit it."

#superbat #does this make sense at all or am i fuckin delusional and sleep deprived lmao #i just think the first time clark hugs bruce #bruce melts and damn near tears up #because hes never felt this kind of warmth #its like taking a nap in a warm spring day beneath an apple tree #and he could just cry #clark kent #bruce wayne #cainscontent

[homicidal-slvt]

My mom managed to somehow lose my medications while we were packing stuff. Mother I need those or my allergies will obliterate me.

#I'm going fuckin' insane. this is why i usually handle that stuff because now its vanished #where tf could she have possibly put it #i swear I'm literally going to cry #vee's not important life updates

[todayisafridaynight]

they could not have chosen ANY MORE different games to make this point

#snap chats #IM CRYING THO 1.) KIRBY AND KIRYU IN THE SAME PICTURE YIPPEEEEE #2.) I JUST SNORTED BEING REMINDED OF THE TIME I SPECIFICALLY REFERENCE KIRBY BEING ANGRIER #IN RESPONSE TO THAT ONE ASK MASU SENT ABOUT SAWASHIRO #AND HOW HE WAS PORTRAYED MORE AGGRESSIVELY IN THE STATES LIKE JAER JERLKAJ #also omg y3... hi lovr... #idc i love the Unreasoanbly Edgy USification of box art it appeals to the shadow the hedgehog lover in me #oh yeah. also. i got here in the first place cause my desperate ass WAS looking up how much itd cost to buy physical discs #and i stumbled on the jp box art of y7 and its so fuckin funny but like i also get it but also lol #CAUSE YK ON THE ART YOUVE GOT NANBA/ARAKAWA/SAWASHIRO LIKE. SPECIFICALLY FRAMED YEAH #on one hand i get it from the approach of 'oh hey you guys know these actors right check it' #and then theres also the approach of 'these three characters will cause SOME form of major conflict for ichi' #BUT ITS JSUT SO FUNNY LIKE nanba so tf are you doing there. come back here. #like at least for most of the game arakawa's suspicious but nanba chills with us for like. ok only like four chapters BUT STILL #the cover also makes me laugh cause of arakawa cause like. Perpetual Peepaw Syndrome IM SORRY HE JUST LOOKS CUTE #like pops you are not fooling anyone.. you cannot intimidate me im sorry.... ily... #funny as hell... #ok im gonna try drawing now fr bye #i hope my bitchass friend gets back to me soon i wanna play y3 on stream so bad... #i could try from my laptop but its SOOO slow. like its consistent but its like playing in slow motion #so id prefer to see if i could play it on my ps4 and then use my capture card to stream it to computer yk.. #ok im rambling again BYE

[uldahstreetrat]

yes i spent $20 on an xbox license of this game this morning just so i could get my boy his menphina earring but ya know what i got a month sub out of it too so really I only spent $5 - gamer math B)

#also ty ty to the lovely soul who sent me the money on kofi so i could get it you about had me crying in the gym last night #i would tag ya but i dont know if thats weird or not aha #im so fuckin thrilled and now i have the earring for my menphina alt too which is even better

[a-wondering-thought]

man i love those songs which you can put on and instantly be comforted by, like you just blast them and boom instantly in awe of them

#like if you have a rough day then you can put it on and it makes things a bit better yk?? #this is actually me rn lol #for me its either hozier or tracy chapman #also the highest one that i can always go to is fast car byy tracy chapman #fuckin love that song #yk i cant really cry that often but that song can make me #like the first time i listened to it it was a video from like 1988 from when she played in wembly or smth #and i just cried man #i was so awed by this song #idk #i didnt know a song could do that #sam screams into the void #hozier #tracy chapman

[leafy-m]

My stupid story is 20k now how I do make it stop 😵

#Every time I read through to edit I end up adding another scene this is so fuckin embarrassing #It's not even in chapters it's just one massive thing #The beginning is bad though I have to figure out how to rewrite that but lmao a fixed version with dialogue will be another 2k aha ha ha #There's one long scene I could remove and make that it's own one shot but also god how about I Don't #I'll probably end up deleting it because it's just. Too much. Compared to everything else. But also. What if I didn't? 🤷‍♀️ #I think what's hilarious is that I had Plans. About Themes. And Character Studies. And Comparisons #And idk if it's even really in there and visible and not just 20k of 'what if I just wrote the most indulgent shit for me specifically' #And then ended it with an emotional slap to the face because I love building things up and then tearing it apart #(and it does that really well; I'm giggling into my hands - I'm dancing on my own grave) #I've cried so many times during this stupid fic #*deletes other comment* #Anyway my OTHER fic that I also indulgently love and is way too long and made me cry way too hard every fuckin scene #Does not make me cry anymore and idk if I broke it somehow in the editing or if I'm just immune to its devastation now #Honestly concerned that when I post these I'll be like 'meh; it's just ok' and then anyone who reads it is like ☠️☠️☠️☠️ #Hehehehe #Ok I'm done

[something-about-sunflowers]

Thinking about Izzy with hanahaki, coughing up flowers over Ed for like 25-30 years. Yeah it sucks but its not gonna kill him. Obviously keeps it a secret (From Ed at least, Fang and Ivan caught on but they don’t wanna get involved in All That so they keep it to themselves and help Izzy out when he gets bad spells. None of them mention it but Izzy is grateful, which makes it all the worse when they start palling around with the Revenge crew over Izzy :’Tc).

(Uh, readmore cause I didn’t expect this to get. Like. Huge. lmao)

Then Stede Fucking Bonnet comes along and things get worse as he watches Ed fall for Stede, even if he doesn’t really understand. Still, he manages. Gotta push through, Ed would expect nothing less.

And when Stede leaves and the Kraken happens Izzy goes through a good bit of hell. Ed is barely out the room after the toe incident before Izzy is hacking up so many flowers he thinks he might actually die this time. He doesn’t, though. Cleans himself up, puts his shaky legs to work. (And then Lucius finds out, doesn’t really matter who pulled him back on board, Izzy knows about it because none of them are subtle. He keeps the secret because. He’s really not sure. But Lucius is in the walls and he hears Izzy having a fit and now he knows. He wants to ask. Tries to, even, Izzy shuts him down and he’s not even angry when he does it. Just. Defeated. Lucius silently adds another thing to his ‘Things I’m Gonna Bitch At Blackbeard For Once He’s Not Crazy Anymore’ list.)

When Stede comes back its. Better. For a while. There’s a lot of hurt all around but everyone is alive and they’re (mostly) talking it through as a crew. Ed makes his apologies to the crew, even to Izzy. Stede makes his apologies as well. Izzy accepts that This Is His Life Now. Since Stede seems to actually want to learn now that he can’t just throw money at all his problems Izzy offers to actually teach him (instead of ‘teaching’ him like Ed does). He shows him the ropes (literally), gets him passable with a sword, keeps Ed focused when he’s teaching him navigation (not Izzy’s strong suit, he can manage if he needs to but Ed’s always been better at it). They actually find themselves getting along.

Izzy starts joining the crew during ‘story time’ (sometimes its stories, sometimes its other group activities, easier to just give it the one label). One night, after Stede finishes the story and everyone is heading to bed, he watches Stede and Ed head to their cabin. Sometimes they’ll ask him along for a night cap, not always though, and its. Fine. But. He watches them head off without him. The way they hold each other as they go, smiling, only eyes for each other.

He barely makes it to his room before he’s coughing up the most flowers he’s done since Ed fed him his toe. He, frustratedly, sets to work cleaning them up but. He actually stops to look at them. He stares. And stares and stares.

Two distinct types of flowers littler his floor. He tries to deny it but he understands immediately the implications. Fuck.

Still, Izzy is nothing if not the worlds most repressed trooper. He sticks it out. Or. Tries to. Its hard because Stede and Ed keep asking after him and seeking him out and talking and touching him and. Its just camaraderie he knows but. It makes him want. And he knows he can’t have that. He wouldn’t have a damn botanical garden in his chest if he could. Its starting to take its toll on him though. He can tell its getting bad because Stede and Ed are starting to worry about him. They don’t say it in so many words but he can see it in their eyes. Ed is more hesitant to go on raids, makes up some excuse about his knee playing up more than usual, but Izzy knows it because he can see how his hands shake even when at rest and he’s thinking about him slipping up in a fight. Stede’s plying him with herbal teas and feeding him several small meals throughout the day, he’s noticed Izzy can’t stomach much anymore, how he’s getting weaker by the day because of it.

He leaves after Lucius catches him having another fit. A bad one. He says he’s going to get the captains but Izzy begs him not to. ‘Not yet,’ he lies, ‘I’ll tell them myself but. Just. Give me some time.’ Lucius begrudgingly agrees, gives him two days. ‘And if you haven’t told them by then I’m going to do it myself and you can thank me later.’ Izzy leaves that night.

He shouldn’t be surprised, when he finds Calico Jack in some seedy bar at the nearest port he can reach, though he is. ‘Thought you were dead.’ He finds himself relieved he’s not, its nice to have a familiar face around if he’s gonna die here. (He knows he’s dying. Not immediately, he’s got more fight in him than that, but. Its coming on the horizon and he knows it. Like he knows a storm eventually follows a red dawn.)

Jack eyes him, calculating, never as drunk as he pretends to be. Izzy doesn’t know what he sees but he breaks into his usual grin and says, ‘Nah, still got - what is it - four? Four lives left. Take more than some crazy bird’s cursed cannon ball to take down Calico Jack, babydoll.’ If it were anybody else, Izzy would be bristling at the nickname, but he’s long since resigned himself to being called things like that from Jack. Jack loses his easy grin though and adds ‘You look a bit like death fuckin warmed over though, fuck happened to you?’ There’s genuine care in his tone and it reminds Izzy so much of Ed and Stede and, thank fuck Jack seems to notice because Izzy’s slapping a hand over his mouth and Jack is taking his arm and they barely make it to the shitty little room Jack’s occupying before the petals start spilling out. Jack holds him through the fit, its nice. Izzy almost regrets when its over because Jack sets him down on the bed and steps back, fixes him with a look he’s too exhausted to decipher. ‘Fuck.’ He says, eventually. ‘Think we’re gonna need a drink for this.’ The alcohol burns his tender throat but he knows Jack is gonna get him to talk anyway and its easier with the rum so he drinks. And he talks.

Jack doesn’t call him an idiot but its strongly implied. Izzy doesn’t know what he expects him to do, its not as if he chose this. He doesn’t call him an idiot though, instead he. Takes care of him? Its odd, he knows Jack isn’t as callous and heartless as he pretends to be, knows he’s actually got pretty good bedside manners in fact (There’d been a time before all the legend and everything after when they were all sailing together, they’d lost their medic during a raid and Jack stepped up. He was no doctor but he knew enough to keep everyone from dying til they go someone new. He also had a child and Izzy knew, for all that he was regularly absent from their life, he wasn’t an absent father. He knew how to care for people.), but it surprises him nonetheless to have it turned towards him. Like it matters to him that Izzy is as comfortable as he can be, given the circumstances.

Izzy manages to be up and around most days but they’re growing fewer. Lacking much better to do (he’s never been good at sitting idle) he follows Jack around when he can manage to get out of bed. On days where he can’t Jack still goes out, Izzy wonders why, he mostly just drinks and fucks around, its hardly as if he can’t do that here with Izzy. He supposes he must not make for very good company, sorry state he’s in. Still.

He’s more than a bit annoyed that it takes him hacking up even more flowers after Jack leaves one morning, with a ‘Be back sometime this evening Babydoll, I got something for you,’ to realize. ‘Fuck’s sake,’ he rasps, staring down at the mound of three distinct types of petals. He’s so tired. He’ll clean it up later, promises himself he’ll be up before Jack gets back to clean them up.

He dreams of warm hands, fond smiles, soft touches, and tender voices and wakes coughing up more and more flowers. He can’t breathe. Tears sting his eyes, from the pain in his throat and his lungs, at the thought of being alone at the end like this. He spares a brief thought towards how Jack will react, coming back this evening to find him gone. Wonders how Stede would react. Edward. Still more flowers.

The door bursts open and Izzy doesn’t have the air or the energy to startle. Jack. Jack is there and he looks panicked. And there’s Stede behind him. And Edward. Somehow Izzy finds the air to let out a hysterical little laugh, it comes out more of a gasp. Must have died already, he thinks, how else could they all be here, as though his thoughts summoned them.

‘Izzy!’ He’s not sure which of them is calling him, his vision is starting to go spotty and his ears are ringing. Maybe none of them, maybe its a trick of his desperate, dying mind. There’s hands on him, warm and soft and. Instinct tells him to fight, he can’t see who’s touching him, he knows he needs to fight but. He’s so tired. He can’t see but he feels his eyes slip shut.

‘Izzy, I love you.’

Nothing.

#the dork is being a dork #the dork does a fic #apparently #izzy hands #edward teach #stede bonnet #jack rackham #uh #stackedhands #gentlejizzed #im not sure what the agreed upon ship name is tbh #izzy/ed/stede/cj #he wakes up afterward to some very angry worried faces #they're all crying and telling him they love him talking over each other #lucius is also there crying telling him he's a fucking idiot and he should have listened to him earlier #jack put 2 and 2 together to realize izzy was sick over ed and stede so when he went out without izzy he was tracking them down #as best he could without actually leaving trying to get the message to them that izzy was dying over them and 'if you dont get your sorry #fucking asses here before he does and fix this then i'm gonna fuckin kill yall myself' #naturally they were already looking for izzy and they booked it when word reached them #real talk i have no idea where this came from i was just struck by the thought #izzy hands‚ the one man repressed and stupid enough to almost die from hanahaki over THREE people at once #i hope its obvious that they all do love him and he's just really fucking stupid about it

[apotelesmaa]

A while back I saw sm1 saying tsukasa expresses emotions like it’s his first time experiencing them & while it’s very funny and true I think it’s also worth noting that unlike tv/movie actors, stage actors have to really exaggerate their body language/expressions so that their emotions are readable for everyone in the theatre. On screen you can easily pick up the micro expressions on an actor’s face because you’re like 5 ft away at most and the camera often zooms in on their face. From the back of the theatre you can’t read subtle expressions so the actors need to over emphasize and use their whole body. All this to say: given that u cannot take the theatre kid out of tsukasa I feel like his acting just bled into how he expresses his emotions.

Emu also does the body language thing but it’s harder to tell as she’s normally expressing a smaller range of emotions than tsukasa (she’s naturally joyous and whimsical creature & tsukasa is usually given ample reasons to express annoyance). I think that’s more of a result of her exaggerating her happiness so that other people are also happy rather than an acting thing though. Gestures at her refusing to show negative emotions. Entertainer/clown (actual clowns, not the insult) vs stage actor. Really good examples of them doing this is the clip of rui imitating tsukasa & the clip of nene imitating emu.

#project sekai #don’t misinterpret this he’s not like. pretending to feel whatever he’s expressing. he’s acting the emotions he feels. #he’s capable of not doing that esp when he needs to be serious. his normal is just stage acting behavior. #knowledge I gained from 1) having a theatre kid sister who was rlly good at this 2) doing photography for her shows 4 newspaper #she got put on the no print list (list for ppl who are photographed all the time who need to not be photographed so others can be in photos) #bc she specifically was very very good at doing this and it resulted in really good & clearly readable photos #2 a lesser extent I do this as well bc of her influence I just emote less #don’t think it’s a stretch to say that it’s intentional given the implication that he’s so loud bc he’s used to projecting his voice while #he performs. #to clarify wrt emu I think if she was to express more negative emotions they would be more subdued. #unless it was for a role in which case she feels more comfortable not expressing joy 24/7. #i could go on a tangent abt ‘tsukasa doesn’t express his true emotions’ fanon when 1) he does. very obviously. 2) *emu* doesn’t but that #gets ignored. hello. nene having to tell emu it’s ok to cry and rely on wxs to comfort her. #even in the main story where she’s like devestated and blaming herself for wxs breaking up #she’s still smiling when she’s telling tsukasa that she made everybody sad and ruined everything (her view not mine) #mafuyu emu parallels… hm. #i don’t think emu’s ever been shown pissed off id be interested in seeing how she expresses that. #speaking of the it’s ok to cry thing if I don’t get that card when it runs on global I’m going to fuckin lose it. gay ass card. #this is getting long and I have stuff to do but as a side note nene & rui both hide their emotions #nene bc she’s shy & doesn’t show her true hater self unless she’s with friends #& rui because he’s used to being alone & struggles to identify his own emotions #at some point I’m sure I’ll ramble incoherently about how a lot of the issues ppl project onto tsukasa r issues he doesn’t experience #but *emu* does but nobody ever takes her character seriously so it gets ignored. #colopale do an event where nene encourages emu to b ok with showing minor negative emotions please please please

[fawnofanxiety]

Cursed fic idea

Okay look, Ezio Auditore is literally everything. There are times I've asked myself #whatwouldeziodo and then do the exact opposite because it'd probably involve murder.

James fucking Buchanan Barnes and The Winter Soldier have taken up residence in my brain and heart and are 100% there to stay.

Please tell me you see where this is going and have begun crying like I have been for the past 2 god damned months.

My brain decided that my favorite murder baby needed competent help in the form of the best assassin to ever exist. #fightme

SO! So *cries* I started sketching out a fic where Ezio gets yeeted into the MCU a la Isu Bullshit at some point during WW2. There's developing friend/mentorship when my favorite murder birb stumbles on Azzano bc you best believe he'd help the Italian Resistance and dismantle any and every scrap of Nazi supply line he can get his hands on. Like I can see Ezio rolling his eyes at Steve because ho boy does this blonde-haired blue-eyed innocent and idealistic child remind him of himself before- well before he became an assassin. Bucky? Well, Bucky is the man he became after taking his first leap of faith in Venice and his skills as a sniper are breathtaking. Can't really find fault in passing on intelligence to the SSR when he learns of Hydra and pointing the Howlies at this repulsive entity(they are absolutely adorable but he doesn't have the time to focus on giving them more than the bare minimum of time to pass on some of his skills and good lord do the ridiculous duo pick up skills fast. Though Steve frowns on the sneaky sneaky, whatever, they've saved his life more than once). Now, Ezio is the one to give them the info on the train and the soul-crushing guilt he feels when his favorite doesn't come back? When they don't even send a single person to try and recover his body?! That's not gonna fly. Unfortunately, he learns of this too late and well. We all know what happened to Bucky.

I can see Ezio getting to know Howard, understanding but ultimately disapproving of his obsession with finding Steve. After all, Ezio knows just how isolating that obsession can be. But, a sort of friendship? develops? Because Ezio is 100% a hypocrite. He spends every second of his free time trying to track down Bucky. There was no body but he found where he should have been.

Ezio being Ezio cultivates a... hm comfortable amount of wealth over the years and valiantly ducks questions about why tf he isn't aging. Isu Bullshit is my favorite excuse in the AC 'verse. I can see him talking about this to Howard and Peggy when he trusts them enough. Maybe. Maybe, he talks Howard down from building weapons, just a little, but can't completely stop his fall into alcoholism and being a shit father. Maybe, he falls completely under Tiny Tony's spell and becomes Uncle Ezio. Who 100% teaches Tony how to fight back and escape after his first kidnapping. Swapping out with Peggy when he's off searching for Bucky (who he's figured out is the WS but can't fucking track him down) but always always shows up for holidays, birthdays, graduations, science fairs, and silent support at the stuffy galas. Listens to this little boy, who reminds him of Petriccio, trip over himself talking about what he's learned and learning, his never-ending ideas and frustrations. (Jarvis fucking loves this wonderful Italian who also occasionally scares the shit out of him but ignorance is bliss and it's no skin off his back to wash the occasional blood stain out of Ezio's clothing and administer first aid.)

Maybe, he stops the WS from assassinating the Starks. Maybe, he helps Bucky find himself even if he can't do anything about the trigger words. Maybe he becomes a little more blood-thirsty, a little more ruthless when going after any and every Hydra outpost he can. Maybe he sits there and holds Bucky as he cries when Ezio finds the book. Stands behind him, in pride and grief with a hand on his shoulder as Bucky and Tony burn the damn thing. Maybe he whole-heartedly approves of Rhodes, even as Bucky gives the poor child the stink-eye. Is the one to give Tony the shovel talk when he notices the beginnings of attraction between these two idiots. The fact that Bucky proceeded to leave a whole host of bruises when he found out just makes Ezio laugh with pride.

Maybe, just maybe, Ezio finds himself sitting on the balcony of his villa on the outskirts of Florence watching the sunset over his sprawling vineyard with a glass of wine in his hand, his heartache over the family he left behind so very long ago on that bench in the middle of the summer market no longer suffocating. The faint sounds of his bright-eyed and brilliant nephew bickering with the haunted but hopeful man he proudly considers to be his son bring him a sense of peace he never thought he would have again.

#ezio auditore #tony stark #winter soldier #bucky barnes #winteriron #james buchanan barnes #assassin's creed #fanfic #cursed crossover #it's 3 fuckin am and idk what I'm doing with my life #if someone runs with this idea please for the love of god #tag me so i can cry over it #I could not stop the winteriron even on threat of death

[raccoonfallsharder]

Soo. Ive been thinking... since youve offered to draw everyone else's ocs.. do you have any ocs that you would like us to draw? They dont have to be rocket related but i feel like you have given so much to the fandom lately and Im sure Im not the only one who'd like to give something back

this is. so fuckin nice?? nonny you are the sweetest caramel apple in the orchard, just a warm little mug of cider in my palms and i am actually dying from how kind & generous & thoughtful this is?? i don’t really know what i would ask for (i have always been bad at this since i was a kid writing to santa - my letters were mostly just “please bring this toy for my sister and please fly safely”) but i would certainly never ever ever ever turn down anything anyone wanted to draw or write or whatever for me. I would truly hold it SO dear to my heart and would probably legit cry (have done so already on a number of occasions when people have been kind enough to take their time and talent and gift me something they made).

all that said - this community has already given me so much! a wealth of encouragement and support, lovey people connecting with me and with each other. truly everybody i have “met” in this fandom is so genuine and authentic and kind. i truly legitimately could not possibly ask for more ♡ would not even know where to start.

thank you again, nonny. this ask is one that will live in my heart for a long time. people like you & messages like this are a consolation && a comfort when things are hard, and a shiny golden blessing when times are good ♡♡♡ thank you for being in this world

#rfh asks #you are so fuckin sweet i could die #actually sniffling a little #thank you i'm crying

[soldier-poet-king]

I love my Nonna dearly but I also just got my first real "here's how you should find a man" advice so truly 2023 IS my Charlotte Lucas year

To be fair, I'll give them credit, this is one of the first times my family has pulled this shit on me. I suppose my "I'm too busy focusing on school" excuse that I used through all 8 years of undergrad and grad school doesn't really work now that I've been working full-time for a year. And she also didn't bring it up in front of everyone or out of the blue, it came up because we had been discussing how insane my motherhas been about babies lately and my Nonna said "oh it's BC she's waiting for grandkids"

And like??? Just because my mother got married and had kids by my age (which may have been the right decision for her, this isn't judging even if I think her life went to shit bc of it) doesn't mean it's the right decision for ME

In fact, it is the ABSOLUTE WRONG decision for me. Theres a whole long list of reasons why I'm not getting married + or having children, including but not limited to: the trauma of my parents marriage and my childhood, my own ongoing health stuff, the whole religious queer anxiety guilt complex I've got going, the fact that if I were to get pregnant the resulting mental health crisis and dysphoria would undoubtedly make me *** y'know not soemthing that is frequently a source of nightmares for me or anything, my inability to take care of myself let alone CHILDREN, and the anxiety of raising children religious when I don't even know wtf is going on with me, CHILDREN??? IN THIS ECONOMY????

Ofc I can't exactly say any of this to my Nonna who, while incredibly sweet and loving and Good, is also like. Not at all exposed to these concepts and would probably freak out if I was like hello yes I am a big fat queer and I rlly hate the concept of gender and societal ideas of womanhood :) it also doesn't help that rlly the only single, middle aged woman my Nonna knows is this lady who works at the church who is DEFINITELY a badly closeted lesbian but also she's super fuckin mean and condescending and no one likes her BC she's a bitch, on top of the whole being a badly closeted lesbian in a conservative heteronormative religious environment

Like even IF I were to get licitly Catholic married to a man. You wanna find one for me??? My Nonna was like "go to church more to find a man" HELLO??? WHERE??I GO TO MASS EVERY WEEK?? Every religious man I know irl is a radtrad women can't wear pants type or is a manchild. Even if I COULD find a normal man, he'd have to get real cool about some stuff real quick. In that forever dilemma of too leftist queer for the religious and too religious for the leftist queers. (Obvs your partner doesn't have to be your duplicate but I'm like. Generally being on the same page. The same BALLPARK. is probably conducive to having a healthy relationship, y'know?)

Besides a significant part of my having 0 social life is because I am living in my parents basement which is in a shitty not-a-suburb of mostly immigrant families with youngish kids or super old folks from when the neighborhood was built, so it's poor and run down but also super fuckin far from anything To Do, so it's the WORST of both worlds of urban sprawl. And I have no car. And I already spend 2.5 hrs a day commuting for work. And I'm chronically tired. And joining a fencing club or taking art class or whatever costs MONEY y'know the thing I'm trying to SAVE by living in this hell place???? She literally said in the same convo "live here as long as possible to save money" like??? YOU CANT HAVE UR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO as long as I'm living here I'm NOT going out and meeting ppl BC there is literally Nowhere To Go. Big box stores like Walmart? Yet another strip mall? The highway??? THIS IS SOULLESS HELL of neither nature NOR accessible city amenities

And anyway, I would rather be in a long term marriage for tax benefits relationship anyway. Not platonic, not romantic, but a secret third thing (jk but also serious). Like. Mutual devotion that blurs the lines and transcends labels. It could be completely chaste. It could not be. It's not a dealbreaker really. It's about trust and devotion and companionship and love. But also I'm insane and I KNOW how insane and obsessive I sound, and society prioritizes nuclear family relationships and not the weird ass shit I crave, and I feel too much too fast and would ruin any relationship I had even if I WERE to somehow find someone who prioritizes those things too

So like. It's fine. Most days (not all ofc, but I'm trying) I'm okay with this and being on my own and learning to cultivate my own peace and Goodness and I know who I am and what I believe and what I trust to be Good and I'm working toward that and I'm not sacrificing it for anything. But also. Can you give a bitch a break. Please. I'm so fkin tired

#franposting #my bday isnt even til JUNE #im going to bitch anyway #im genuinely really upset but part of that is bc my headache has come back #and its worse than ever #i might cry but my head already hurts too much #i got really good news at work and only the men in my family made a big deal #the women were just. meh. and ofc none of them have careers so why should ot be important to me? #as the only granddaughter ofc :)))) #i am going. to crawl into bed. hair washed. lavender candle on. #do a lil meal planning. and then read or maybe just sleep. #tmrws goals after church are gym and grocery shopping before dnd #have to make my body hurt so much i cant think again #ofc bro 1 has claimed the car. so maybe i cant go #god. gos. i fuckin need to get out of here #but i literally cannot afford even studio apt rent in the city #and moving to one of the boroughs doesnt gwt me any closer to anything esp without a car #literally. just like. fuckin kill me #or find me a decently paid not soul killing job in a smaller city or even a town #where i could have a garden #or a porch swing. sit in. the sunlight

[todayisafridaynight]

do u think mines feelings are reciprocated? idk from how they handled mine and daigos relationship in y3 it felt as if they were hinting that they had some under the radar relationship going on or smtging

im not sure really. i do think daigo loved mine though, at the very least cherished him immensely.

#snap chats #hang on im rambling about rggo for the ninety millionth time #cause i was gonna initially say 'i dont think his feelings were as intense as mine's but he did love him' #but then i remember daigo shilled out a billion and got shot Day Five into knowing the dude #that could just be daigo's character and he's just. Ride Or Die like that for ANYONE close to him #he was happy to give shinada all the money he lost even though the two were mostly just schoolmates #which is. The Funniest thing to me still but anyway #but isn't mine like that too? the circumstances are different of course though .. #theres the angle that its as exactly daigo says: the tojo are his family and he wants to protect them #but then that bar fuckery ...... everything homosexual happens at that bar i stg #im crying now cause first theres the obvious You Single line #but then the bartender fuckin snitchin on daigo to mine bein all #'oh yeah no daigo talks about you a lot and says youre one of the most reliable guys in the tojo #and he's afraid you're not being yourself around him and he hopes your relationship with money is ok' LKE YOU SNITCH #i still think of daigo calling mine 'stupid' at the end of that story though. lke girl .... girl i know why yu sayin that ... #my sons pissed mine threw himself away thinkin he wasnt worthy to daigo when it was the exact opposite .. #im gonnna thrw up now bye