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iampikachuhearmeroar · 3 years

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yknow while this hellsite continues on the whole religion discussion thing, i’d like to jump in on it with my experience particularly with leaving catholic school.

like aside from my angsty pop-punk/emo etc teen phase (which’ll obvs be weaved into story later on) that led me to have different views from the church and aside from the whole sexism thing that i endured over my year 10 formal/junior prom in 2010 and 2011 from staff there….. i found it within myself incredibly hard to leave there… mostly because i’d known literally 1/3 of my year group at catholic school since kindy/kindergarten or some other point in primary school.

this affected my choice to leave and it was quite tumultuous inwardly. knowing the safety and predictably of the people i was with for all those years was a comfort to me. i knew their parents due to parent mixer bbqs that we’d have after mother’s day and father’s day liturgies- although i hated the mother’s day ones mostly, due to personal reasons. but to leave that comfortable place for overly loyal, kinda sorta shy (although everyone who knew me at that school wouldn’t’ve described me as shy bc i was a very loud show off because of drama class 😅) and by year 10, very lonely, highly socially anxious and depressed, teen me was terrifying. it meant losing her friends and stability and she obvs hated that thought. it meant leaving the one one place she ever felt good at something, drama class.

obviously, after she did leave for public school, she visited the catholic school on a few separate occasions, to try and keep the connection “alive” or whatever the fuck she wrote in a fake deep status on her fb (that i now get in my fb memories every year lmao). but it all ended pretty badly, when everyone from that school stopped talking to her once high school finished. no one invited her out. or if people did try to invite her out, like a couple of people did, it always fell through…. and it made her feel like she was just a bad luck charm or whatever other low self esteem talk she was telling herself. there was quite a few moody statuses around that too lmao.

but yeah. leaving catholic school was a massive thing for me back then, because even though i hadn’t gone to church on sunday for literal Y E A R S at that point; i still had a strong pull to that school because i’d known SO MANY kids at that school from primary/elementary/grade etc school, regardless of their year group level. because if there’s one thing catholic school was good at, it was networking 😂. you knew everyone, and everyone knew you. it was safe, it was sound, so i didn’t want to leave.

but once you leave, you lose your friends and what almost felt like an extended family (although they obvs weren’t). but at the same time, i’d grown to hate the safety and almost insularity of the school, because as i mentioned earlier, you felt like you could predict how people would react or behave in class/events etc.

i felt the above distinctly, because as i’ve mentioned plenty on here, from years 7-10 i was a very emotionally demonstrative kid. in some classes (mostly religion and PE when i was bothered to participate) i’d end up in shouting matches with the teacher or other students…. or y’know just have a casual meltdown in the middle of class, which many people saw as “attention seeking” behaviour. i felt watched, i felt ready to snap, and to quote the ever present All Time Low i felt like the bridge lyrics from “therapy” (which was/is quite obviously somewhat partially about the price of fame and hollywood imo- but that went over teen me’s head at the time lmao):

“arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to, they’re better off without you (better off without you). arrogant boy, cause a scene like you’re supposed to, they’ll fall asleep without you; you’re lucky if your memory remains”

like yes. i’ll admit those bridge lyrics being applied to this time is rather overdramatic, in hindsight, but hey. that was teen me for ya lmao. and don’t even get me started on applying ATL’s song “sick little games” to this at the time as well 😂😅. anyway. from all the “lms and i’ll tell you what i like about you” trend statuses that people were doing back then on fb, i’d gained the tag of “cool/chill girl”, my crush rich boy, once called me “outrageous” because of how loud i was and how willing in years 7-9 to scream out stupid song lyrics like “i want to fuck dog in the ass” by blink 182, fight song by marilyn manson and then idek probably my humps by black eyed peas at the top my lungs through the very few halls that that school had 😂😅. i was being purposely and annoyingly offensive most of the time.

but eventually, once it came to things like one of the girls in my group wanting to run for vice school captain and the other girls in my group A L W A Y S being given leadership positions (LPs)….. while i always had to apparently “repent” my behaviour by being made (in theory from my teachers) to sit alone at lunch because of my “embarrassing” and “unseemly” behaviour at the so-called “training”/ “retreat” days we had for things like being peer support leaders for the new cohort of year 7s etc etc. i felt like everyone was just waiting for me to leave…. and that they couldn’t stand my “embarrassing” presence and that i’d ruin my friends chances of being selected as co-captain or whatever other bullshit LPs they wanted to run for. but still. i felt like i couldn’t leave. just. how do you leave a bunch of people that you’ve known for so long???

and even when my teachers were nice enough to give me a chance in a leadership position once; in that dastardly bullshit internet safety workshop thing that they should’ve literally just hired a professional workshop co. to do….. but to save money they used students in my year group instead. so, instead of being marked by my teachers on this program; i was marked by the catholic education office. they had a lady come in from the ceo to judge/mark us while presenting…… and this lady went off at teen me for “not being professional, responsible and respectful” or whatever the fuck the woman told 15/16yo me…. which teen me then fired back with “i don’t have to be fucking professional and responsible!!!! IM FUCKING 15!!!!”.. so from then on i was never given an LP or any other type of “peer support” role against my friends who were littered with offers for them. mind you, i did call a whole room of 14 year olds “a bunch of cunts” or the like and then stormed out thinking that i’d made a solid point, so the CEO woman had a good reason 😂😅….. again in hindsight.

of course there was also the bitterness of teen me being angry at the english dept for not giving her a spot in the top class of english in her half of the year. but as i’ve said previously on other posts, i’ve forgiven this because i did essentially fail one shakespeare in class assessment in year 8 or year 9 😂. but i strongly felt this during my time at catholic school bc my friends believed that i should’ve been in the top english class too lmao.

but aside from those troubles and foibles, i still found it incredibly hard to leave. to leave the perceived closeness of that group of girls, who would sometimes walk me down to the office and sit with me in “purple room” while i waited for the teacher that had to act as my therapist almost lmao. even though i always told my friends to leave me be and go back to class bc i felt bad about dragging them out of class for so long.

but yeah. with all the above behaviour, the song lyrics to me at the time made sense bc teen me just felt so pressured to fit into the whole “funny, cool, outrageous girl” bs box that people had put her in…. but at the same time she wanted to escape it bc she was just *flyleaf voice* SO SICK of being laughed at instead of laughed with (atl weightless reference here kids) just because… like she DESERVED to be taken seriously for fucks sake, and not a be a “monkey do funny dance” person… she obvs felt this the most in drama class. where in the shakespeare unit, she picked a medley of romeo and juliet and taming of the shrew monologues to do for her monologue. although she nearly did lady macbeth throwing herself off the tower, to be hella edgy…. but she opted not to do that in the end. but she picked serious pieces bc she was sick and tired of being classed as the one trick pony go-to funny person.

okay. this really went off topic. but y’all get the point??? the decision of leaving catholic school was a hell of a ride for little 14-16yo me. it was confusing, terrifying and tied up in years of being overly judged and feeling like people wanted me to leave bc they were sick of me. it was tied up in years of mid-class meltdowns that had become kind of routine for me to have, and that people were just brushing me off as “attention seeking”…. but also ironically waiting for me to snap at any second for another wild shouting match or walkout; which would then make me look like i was “unruly” or “untameable/unmanageable” or whatever the fuck….. but i couldn’t take that anymore, for the final senior years. i HAD to leave it.

again it was hard to leave for loyal little teen me, despite how lonely and isolated she felt. why leave your friends when you’re comfortable??? but also: why stay in this toxic environment where people are just waiting for you to either shut the fuck up and put up with it or just blow up and absolutely lose your shit??? that’s just unhealthy asf. and the only unruly thing that’s happening here is the complete lack of mental health help or management in the aussie education system; but most especially in religious schools.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona’s catholic school memories #ilona’s catholic school rants #sorry it’s another tl;dr in the feels post lmao

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percyjacksonfan3 · 3 years

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The Last Olympian Thoughts

So because I have absolutely 0 self-control or restraint when it comes to this series and its characters, and for The Last Olympian in particular, I could not put TLO down. Because of this I figured I couldn’t do the usual photo reaction posts I have been so far, because the spam would just be ridiculous, so I am stealing the idea from @yourstrulytaaay to do a masterpost instead. (Adding a Read More cause this got ridiculously long)

Fun fact, TLO came out right after i finished reading the series for the first time so it's the first PJO book i bought and my only hard cover one for the og series. I checked the year and turns out it was published 2009, which means i was actually 9 when i read the series for the first time. I realize this is not really a fun fact but i thought i was older when I first read the series so it's blowing my mind a little ‘cause now I’m 21 and everything hits different and i still have so much love for this series and the characters Okay onto book thoughts: - i was right that this book is gonna destroy me, the first line alone made me so excited and nostalgic it's ridiculous - I love Rachel and Percy sm tbh. Her being a bit of peace and normalcy in his life without always reminding Percy of who and what he is is so good for him. Just a little escape

- of course by the end of the book that's not the case any more but by the end he's lived his prophecy so he doesn't need it as badly, plus he and Annabeth are solid again - Percy saying Annabeth has been hard to be around lately... Ouch my heart. Luke really is the last thing that keeps them from being together and Percy is so jealous and Annabeth so torn and in pain, i feel so bad for them both

- Beckendorf 🥺🥺 - the telkhine with the Lil Demon lunchbox!! I forgot about him. Percy: 'i left him alive, partly because his lunchbox was cool' is one of my absolute favourite lines tbh - Paul taking Percy crabbing and being imperative in helping Percy kill the giant crab 💖 Paul Blofis is important and deserves the world, okay? - aw Percy, you can't save every demigod bb

- 'i had to fight him eventually. Why not now?... What difference would a week make?' Oh Percy you have no idea - real talk tho, the fact Kronos possessed Luke's body would also mess me tf up. Percy keeps forgetting it's not Luke anymore and yeah, that would be so so hard and confusing af, like what another smart little mind game for Kronos to pull on top of everything else - the fact Percy fights Kronos before getting the Achilles Curse and actually doesn't die within seconds is... Astounding. He kicks him in the chest! And yeah Kronos is weaker and still adjusting to Luke's body, but Percy is having trouble fighting Luke cause they used to be friends - Percy breaks Kronos' time magic!! Like?! Boy is POWERFUL.

- OUCH - honestly Luke, Thalia and Annabeth's family breaking the way it did... Don't talk to me. Poor Annabeth, Luke betrayed them, Thalia joined the Hunters because of Luke's betrayal so she's pretty much AWOL all the time and then Luke dies. Like Rick wtf, my heart can't take it? -Percy and Tyson having each others backs when talking to Poseidon in the underwater palace is the brother-brother relationship we love to see - Percy trying to stick a sand dollar in the vending machines at school 🤦🏻‍♀🤦🏻‍♀ - the whole underwater interaction at Poseidon's palace? Perfection. Awkward family drama and all - Connor falling out of the tree when he sees Percy because he's so excited 😂😂

- 😭💖

- k, ik Clarisse isn't perfect but tbh if i was a child of Ares whose father was disrespected and hated by my fellow campers (ares deserves it but still) and that disrespect trickled down to how the other campers treated ME (which if Percy is reliable here, it obviously does) then i would also be irritated at being used for muscle and nothing else? And just expected to fight with the people who act as if they'd rather not have Ares kids around the rest of the time. Like Clarisse isn't totally wrong - Percy reading the prophecy, seeing he's meant to die and just being like 'i do not see it' and refusing to outright think about it makes me so sad for him - (but it taints every action after and he's super reckless afterwards bc of it- including finally breaking and accepting the Achilles Curse) - (also him taking this as the last straw and finally beginning to show Annabeth how he really feels, cause fuck it, he's dying anyway) - Give me more info about Rachel's backstory and family Rick!! - how did i forget Percy willingly eats chocolates that taste like cardboard because 'i didnt have anything against cardboard' like sir? Ik Silena didn't want them but still? - 'she'd always been cute, but she was starting to be seriously beautiful' STOP, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT - Percy staring at Annabeth and forgetting what they're talking about cause hes so distracted 👌🏻

- hmm yeah... For some strange reason.... - i forgot how Percy totally bombs this convo bw them and now want to cry 😭 Annabeth is trying to talk about what's important and Percy, you sweet oblivious man, you're shooting her down without even realizing - love that they're both on the same wavelength tho. Percy two lines before, hmm it's cool to date ppl from other cabins, wonder why im thinking that around Annabeth, my best friend in the world, and then Annabeth a beat later, hmm, let me bring up Silena and Beckendorf and how it's important to be with the people you love when you have the chance, no way Percy will miss this huge hint right? - they're the best - k i honestly forgot Percy full on physically intimidates Leneus like that - luke telling his mom if he ran away the monsters wouldnt get her..i can just imagine luke crying when he says good bye before running away because he thinks it's his fault his mom is like that and he cant take care of and protect her anymore because it's too hard - uh oh now i have angsty pre-lightning thief luke fic inspo... Him, Thalia and Annabeth on the run... The ANGST - Rick holds absolutely nothing back in this book and i am in pain - HESTIA!! 💖💖🥰 - actual loml - i love that Rick titled this book after her and that he wrote such a great series about the importance of family (biological, found or otherwise) and home, and that he said actually Hestia is the most important bc shes the most humble and keeps the peace and knows when to fight and when to yield and you protect what you love, which is your home - i just... Adore Hestia - Grover! Missed you babes - Hades is so so horrible to Nico, always comparing him to Bianca :/ - but i do love Hades, Persephone and Demeter together they make me laugh - oh god the River Styx - Achilles 🥺 - Annabeth being Percy's lifeline is, and continues to be, A Lot™ - 'my name was Percy Jackson. I reached up and took Annabeth's hand.' LOL Why am i crying? - Like the fact there is no Percy without Annabeth, and that remembering her literally reminded him of who he is in his very soul... It's fine im fine - i won't even get into the parallels of her being his lifeline now and then later when Hera takes his memories but leaves the memory of Annabeth for Percy to fight to get back to (anyone who wants to yell about it with me... Feel free to message) - badass Percy is my fav Percy tbh - him defeating Hades?? Like? Hades is arguably the most powerful god, okay - i feel bad for Nico but if i was Percy I'd do the exact same, Nico, sorry man but this is a high stakes time crunch deal and Nico is literally the only hope of persuading Hades and distracted by his own internal stuff - flashbacks to Luke, Thalia and Annabeth hurt, ow - George and Martha are the best - damn i forgot Hermes full on nearly kills Percy here, yikes - Luke stop cockblocking Percabeth challenge

- i love!! Percy's love for New York!! So much!! - Percy leaving to live in New Rome in HoO is a lie and this is all the proof i need for why - the fact the entire last half of the book is the battle and aftermath... Such great buildup and pacing. All the tricks and twists and battles in this War of Manhattan? I would not take out a thing, Rick, you legend - of course then the final battle in hoo with the gods is what? Two pages? Ugh, don’t talk to me about my hatred for BoO and HoO - 'no detours you two' is still the cutest thing!!! - THE HUNTERS!! Thalia i missed you - good job Percy, you finally spent your sand dollar - Minotaur!! - 'dont i get a kiss for luck? Its kind of a tradition right?' Percy finds out he's gonna die and is out of fucks to give and honestly I support him - also Michael just standing beside these two while they're flirting like umm 👀 👀 while a monster army marches towards them, nbd - Annabeth taking Ethan's knife meant for Percy!!! Cause she just knows his weak spot without him even telling her! They literally invented love - Feral Percy is so scary omg, i love how well Rick incorporates the Achilles Curse in this novel, with the whole heightened weaknesses and stuff ans the parallels to Achilles arrogance being what killed him and Percy's loyalty, fierceness and protective instinct being his own heightened weakness - the fact that Percy is the one who inadvertantly kills Michael Yew tho, I'll never recover from that - the fact Hades offers Maria di Angelo a golden palace by the Styx like how Poseidon offers Sally a palace under the sea tho. Let's talk about that parallel - the entire talk with Prometheus is so so good - not me picturing young Luke hiding in the closet to get away from his mom when she has an 'episode' -i love callbacks in stories and all of the callbacks to the rest of the series in this book make me very happy (medusa, minotaur, the underworld, Rainbow!! My baby!!, Daedalus and more) - Percy summoning a wholeass hurricane against Hyperion - the Party Ponies! They're so chaotic, i love it - Dionysus! 😁 I can't help it, i love him - Percy absolutely losing it when he sees Sally and Paul asleep in the car 🥺 - Rachel telling Percy he's not the hero screws with him so much :( poor bb - although i really really love how Rick wrote this, it's so refreshing to not have one chosen one save the world, but a combination of people - the drakon, Silena and Clarisse make me cry - the Patrochilles references, im not okay - Annabeth giving up on Luke after hearing what he did to Silena and Percy telling her that doesn't make him happy 😭 that whole interaction makes my heart ache - Percy giving Hestia Pandora's pithos 🥺 - and Hades, Nico and the others coming for a final attack is so badass, i love it - listen im glad the og trio were the ones to confront Luke on Olympus but the fact Thalia got so close and then pinned by a statue of HERA makes me so sad. Ik her and Luke were finished and she coped by cutting him off completely and giving up all hope but i would pay money to know what they would have said to each other to say goodbye - Ethan 🥺 - Poseidon joining the fight against Typhon is so cool, such a great scene - 'PEANUT BUTTER!' - Annabeth you brilliant badass you - RIP Luke, you werent great but you werent the worst either - the gods just rolling up seconds too late, wondering wtf happened in Olympus and who the dead body is - the chapter where the Olympians meet and give out rewards is one of my absolute favourites (again i am incensed we didn't get anything like this in HoO) - will Percy turning down immortality ever not make me scream in glee? No? Alright then - Annabeth being relieved like Percy was relieved at the end of Titan's Curse tho - oh Hermes :/ - its so hard reading all this and knowing what comes in HoO... Like it's such a cathartic, earned and mostly happy and peaceful ending and then HoO comes along and undermines it all - aww Rick let Paul see Olympus somehow pls, he deserves it, he killed a dracanae - (i would also love to see it) - Percy being more upset Rachel took his pegasus than her going to Camp and possibly dying, lol, priorities dude - i honestly think that Rick had other ideas for the second Great Prophecy and how things would go down in BoO, cause the prophecy like... Barely applies to BoO, Doors of Death are in book four, and explabations of it is all so unclear when Rick is usually pretty good with that stuff - PERCABETH - lol Percy complaining about privacy when he and Annabeth are caught kissing literally in the middle of the very open and public dining pavilion, okay - BEST UNDERWATER KISS OF ALL TIME - that's it and im a glass case of emotion - very happy to say that this series remains my favourite of all time 💖

If anyone ever wants to come gush about anything Riordanverse related feel free, because as you can see I have a lot of thoughts about it all

#lau rereads pjo #the last olympian is my favourite book for a REASON #honestly every line is killer #so much subtext to read into #the dialogue #the relationships are dialed up to 11 #every character is so on point #the battle strategies too? are just so interesting?#I just adore it #Tay don't read any of this yet cause it's all spoilers #alright I'm gonna go write fic to express these feelings now #tlo #the last olympian #pjo #pjato #percy jackson

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bedtimebrain · 3 years

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EXO Baekhyun: Cry for Love Part 2

Just here to give a warning on the ending before you get started!! (ref to a/n in part 1!)

Part 1

Let’s go!!!

Characters: Baek x you

Baekhyun finds himself falling for you, but feels he cannot be so selfish to put the burdens of dating an idol upon you. In an attempt to control his feelings, he tries to stay away from you

That night they got to go home early. Reaching home close to 11, Baekhyun decided there was time for some computer games before sleeping.

After taking a shower, he quickly turned on his desktop, setting all his gaming gears ready. Realising his phone wasn’t with him, he went out to the living room to search for it.

‘Ah, found you!’

As he was about to head to his room after picking his phone up from the sofa, he caught sight of your gift that was sitting on the coffee table.

He can’t help but feel really conflicted, taking a long look at it.

After a good while, he forcefully shook off those feelings and went back in to get started on his game instead.

‘ARGH! what a bad form today’ he took off his headphones and threw it on the table. Ruffling through his hair, he was so frustrated at himself. No matter how he tried, he just couldn’t keep you out of his mind.

Not having the mood to play anymore, he switched off his computer and crashed into bed.

In an attempt to push you out of his mind, he busied himself with work every single day for the next few weeks. Every free time he had, he decided to fill it up with more practice, more work instead.

But he had worked so hard (just to forget you) that his immune system gave up on him. He was eventually excused from work so he doesn’t spread the virus to the members.

And the worst thing of it all? It gave him ample time to think about you.

He thought about the way you smile, the way you listened to him when he shared about anything, the way you looked, so attractively, when you made your coffees. Did you think about him? Did another oppa come by?

Sighing, he got up from bed and decided finally to open the gift you gave him from a month back.

The following day, he woke up feeling much better. But for the whole morning, he felt this annoying nudging inside of him to go see you. No matter what he did, that feeling just wouldn’t budge.

Did y/n put a spell in the tea she gave me or something.

He was almost going mad from thinking about you.

Giving up , he told himself

Just once, I’m going to drive by and look at how she’s doing. That’s all. Then when I see her being all the same, I’ll finally forget all about this, and convince myself I’m just another customer in her daily life.

The journey to your cafe seemed faster than usual today. His heart was beating so rapidly but he kept telling himself over and over

just once, doesn’t mean anything

and my heart’s just beating fast because im not completely recovered. Yep, sick people get exhausted easily.

When he had reached , he park his car where he could get a good view of you.

He was tempted to get out of his car but his mind was in chaos.

they say coffee helps with headache. Maybe I should get one in case I get a headache at home later right?

Then again, his logical self told him

Ya, Byun Baekhyun stop making up lame reasons. Just stay here.

As he was being wishy washy with himself in the car, a customer had arrived at the cafe. Dashing his hopes of having a private time with you.

Perhaps it was fate that he should admire you from his car today instead.

After getting a satisfactory treatment for his love sick heart, he drove away feeling like a small boy being fed with ice cream.

—

After that visit, it only got harder and harder to stay away. He returned again and again.

But he wasn’t the only one.

There too was another man who kept returning to your cafe, and today was the fifth time he had seen the man, which really annoyed him.

But what position was he to do anything?

I’m telling myself that I cannot have her as my girlfriend but on the other hand im getting irritated she might become someone else’s girlfriend?

He thought of a crude but relatable phrase he heard from somewhere:

I’m really just wanting to ‘hog the toilet bowl without pooping’

His train of thoughts came to an end as he arrived at the company. After getting his car parked , he went to the meeting room where they were supposed to gather.

When all the members had arrived, the staff who was in charge of the album preparation started running through the day’s agenda.

‘Okay guys, we will be doing an additional MV for one of the side tracks. It would be an autumn special MV.

Since it’s an autumn concept, we will be mainly be doing outdoor shoots. There’s only 1 indoor shoot which will be at a cafe. Anyone has any questions ? If not we will start briefing on the storyboard’

Baekhyun wasn’t able to focus on the meeting. What was he supposed to you when he’s so drawn to you but yet wasn’t sacrificial enough either to be okay with seeing you happy with another guy. In fact, it made him scared to lose you when he never had you in the first place.

Baekhyun ah, let her go. It’s good for you and her. Stop visiting her, it only breaks your heart and at the same time make you desire her more. It’s impossible between the both of you..

By the time he was a little more settled with himself, the meeting had already ended.

‘Okay, that’s all we have today. It’s Thursday today... Alright, We will start shooting on Monday since this is quite a spontaneous idea, we might be a bit back on time. We will start with the cafe shoot on Monday at 10am, only Baekhyun and kyungsoo is involved for this as the cafe is too small. We will update the rest on the schedule later.’ --

4 days passed and now he is standing in front of the cafe for his shoot. Reading the signboard ‘Wendy Cafe’.

For the dramatic effect, he even blinked his eyes again to make sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. What in the world was this sorcery called fate... It felt abit weird for him to be here for work when he was normally here for his romantic pursuit. It got him into a little of a panic and shock when they alighted from the van. He wasn’t expecting to see you, since they normally made sure the set was cleared completely for set up before the members even arrive. Though his heart felt it would really be nice to see you, he also heaved a sigh of relief that he doesn’t have to think about what to say to you since you wouldn’t be here.

Entering the cafe, kyungsoo and baekhyun greeted everyone politely and got ready for the set with the help of their make up artists.

‘Annyeonghasayo Baekhyun ssi, Kyungsoo ssi. I am the director for the MV, Lee Taemin’

Quickly getting up, they bowed politely and returned the greetings.

‘Could I just explain the set to the both you right now?

So basically in today’s set one of you would be a barista, and one would just be a customer….’

The director trailed on with the briefing,

But there was something bugging Baekhyun. Baekhyun could swear there was something really familiar about this man; like he had seen him somewhere before. But he just couldn’t recall exactly right now.

‘Ok, We will have kyungsoo ssi as the barista and Baekhyun ssi the latter. A real barista will be coming in later to help you out kyungsoo ssi, don’t worry’

Finishing his brief, the director turned to leave. Then it finally clicked in Baekhyun’s mind.

Oh gawd, he’s the guy that keeps visiting y/n

Thinking it through, it now absolutely make sense.

When he arrived, he was thinking how were they even able to find this cafe for use?

He thought to himself, surely you and Director Taemin must be really close if you were willing to let your shop to him for use.

ah, but im sure y/n would let me use it too if i had asked.

He can’t help but feel a little salty instinctively.

Suddenly across the room, the director exclaimed

‘Y/N you’re here!’

At the sound of Director Taemin calling your name, his heart skipped a beat and he immediately turned his head around to find you walking through the door. And was absolutely taken away

You were not in your pony tail or your white button down shirt with a black apron. You were not in the plain make up you normally put on either.

You came through the door wearing a mid length denim skirt and a white v neck with a green khaki coat that ended at the bottom of your skirt. Your long hair sat nicely at the front of your coat.

Though he had seen a fair share of cute, pretty and sexy girls in the entertainment industry, you somehow still took his breath away.

As you moved across the room with Taemin, his eyes unconsciously followed where you went. Till when Kyungsoo shook him, was he finally able to tear his eyes away from you.

‘Baekhyun ah, I was talking to you , were you listening?’

‘Ye Ye, what did you say?’

They went on discussing about some of the other schedules they were to be having, until a familiar voice caused him to freeze.

‘Hello, I’m y/n, I’m the owner of this shop. I heard Kyungsoo ssi would be the barista actor? I’ll be the one teaching you later’

Kyungsoo looked up and greeted you politely while Baekhyun was still in a daze.

Seeing how he didn’t respond, you greeted him with a bright smile

‘Hello Baekhyun ssi’

Without waiting for Baekhyun to respond, you asked Kyungsoo to follow you to behind the kitchen now as there wasn’t much time to learn.

Watching you and kyungsoo walked away together, he mentally hit himself in the head.

oh shucks she must think im a real jerk now. Making friends with her, then not coming here for months and the next time we meet i didn’t even greet her.

Argh kyungsoo, give me my time with Y/N.

Though he was feeling a little lousy about the situation, he knew there was nothing he could do about it. He sat at corner table inside the shop while waiting for his scene set up to be completed.

Looking at you and kyungsoo, he had a monologue with himself

though i really like her, i should probably let her go. the smile on her face, though i am confident i will be able to give it to her, but what if i bring more sadness than happiness?

The both of you having fun made him so jealous. He started imagining you with another guy, you with Taemin? He hated that feeling so much, but he had to accept this. He told himself, he must.

About 2 hours later , he was done with his shoot and all could break for lunch. Over lunch time, you and kyungsoo stuck together as time was tight. Kyungsoo couldnt practice using the coffee machine earlier when baekhyun was filming.

Not once did you look over at him or even seem to think about talking with him. It was as if you guys were strangers.

Ah, great, this is how it should be like. She’s better than me at this. While i’m over here suffering about how to forget about her, she seem to be getting along just fine. She’s completely acting like she doesn’t know me.

Not being able to stand being around you anymore, he annoyed his manager hyung to drive him back to the SM building first. Coming up with some crap excuses that were questionable. But his manager hyung still sent him back since there was still time to spare before kyungsoo was done.

On his ride back, he set his resolve to let you go but he told himself

no matter what, we were once friends that could count on each other. i don’t want to end up hurting her, and making her lose more hope in friendships.

I’ll go back tonight to find her.

At about 5.30 pm, kyungsoo sent a text message in their group chat that the filming has ended. Receiving that intel, he got ready to head off to your café. The production crew would need at least another half an hour to pack up anyway. He had ample time to get there.

As perfect as he had planned, when he arrived, the café was already cleared of the production team, but the lights were still on. He knew you would still be cleaning up after everyone left.

Out of courtesy, he knocked on the glass door, causing you to jump in surprise instead. Smiling at him, you beckoned him in.

‘Why are you back here?’ You asked while sweeping the floor.

‘It’s been a long time, isn’t it nice to see each other again?’ He asked casually, but he could feel his palms sweating already

You looked up at him and smiled without replying as you continued cleaning up.

‘So how are you? I’m sorry I haven’t been here for really long, EXO’s comeback is coming soon we are really busy ….’

Before he could even complete his sentence, you cut him off

‘Yes I know. It’s all on twitter and I watch your group’s vlive too. I know you guys have a lot to prepare and are really busy. Don’t have to apologise’

Though he knew you truly meant what you say, it broke his heart a little. He wasn’t really sure what to say anymore. But he wanted to ask this since the start

‘Why did you rent your place to be an MV set? Did you know it was for EXO?’

‘It’s just a favour I’m returning to Taemin ssi. He only told me it was for EXO when he asked for my help last week. But anyway, it’s really nice to see you being serious at work. Now I know why you have so many fangirls~’

‘Are you my fangirl now then?’ Baekhyun asked and waited expectantly.

‘Why? Are you going to give me your autograph if I said yes?’ You put aside the cleaning cloth and washed your hands while replying him jokingly.

‘Anyway, I’m done, shall we go?’

You grabbed your bag as you asked. As you walked right passed him, he reached out to grab your arm without even thinking.

Hesitantly, he started

‘Hey actually, I came today because I have something to tell you’

Staring right into his eyes, you replied

‘I kinda knew it already. Why would you suddenly come back here after not being here for so long. And the fact that you’re here at this hour… You’re definitely not coming here as a customer right?’

Looking at him with a hard expression, Baekhyun was surprised to see something other than ‘manners’ or indifference on your face after all this while.

‘I’m really sorry. I don’t even know how or where to start. I really liked your company, the friendship we had meant a lot to me. But as we got more comfortable, I don’t even know when... but....to be honest..

I started falling for you. I didn’t know what to do, can you understand this?’

He loosened his grip, letting your arm slowly slip out of his hands.

‘Remember the day you gave me the gift? I went home feeling so conflicted. I want us to be together so bad, but I know I can’t even promise you a regular and peaceful life, much less a stable relationship now. The weight of dating an idol, how could I put that upon you? ‘

‘You’re right, I could never carry that weight’ you reply came through like a stab to his heart.

He broke his eyes away from you momentarily. But you continued,

‘All this while, I thought I had done something wrong when I gave you the gift. I wondered why you didn’t come back, I thought we were friends, that’s why I even mustered up courage to get a present for you. But you never came back after that. I thought could it be that Baekhyun ssi started finding me weird like all my bullies last time? Was I over doing it? I asked myself that every now and then, worried that my desire to want to be friends with you may turn you off instead.

Sometimes when you tell funny stories, inside I thought how cute this guy is. When you were serious, I thought even though you’re so cheeky on the outside, you’re a man inside having to carry so many burdens. I wanted to say more, do something for you all this time, but I was worried about so many things.

Eventually when you stopped coming back for a while, I felt heart broken.

But I used the time to think it all through. What did I want with you? A friendship? Something more? And I decided it’s best to not desire anything at all. I could never handle it if one day I want something more that neither of us could give each other’

Though you tried so hard to control, tears rolled down your cheeks. It hurts him to know he was the reason for your tears.

He reached out to wipe your tears away, and you let him.

‘Baekhyun ssi, I… I’m sorry too’

Overwhelmed with emotions at all the confession and looking at your beautiful face that leaned against his hand, he couldn’t hold back anymore, He closed the gap between both of you and gave you a kiss on the lips. A kiss so light it barely lasted a few seconds.

Heart beating fast, he pulled away slightly, his face still so close to yours. ‘I’m sorry for being selfish right now. But I want you to know this is how I feel.’

Before he knew it, your lips pressed against him once again. Briefly, then pulling away, you pushed him away, putting some distance between the both of you.

‘Me too. But Baekhyun-ssi...

Sometimes love isn’t about possessing, but giving

So I’ve told myself it’s okay for me as long as I can see you and support you in my own way. Be it your albums, shows, or whatever it may be.

My café doors will always be open for you as long as you need a listening ear or even just coffee....

Don’t be sorry. I understand, I just want to be the safe space you can still go to, rather than your burden.. If we were together.’

He could tell you were trying hard to manage a smile just so he could feel better. He moved closer and pulled you into a hug.

‘I know you said not to be sorry, but I’m sorry ... And thank you’, his voice akin to a whisper

After a long pause, you returned his hug, and at your touch, he was at the brink of tears. You were possibly his once in a lifetime, but here you both were, giving up on each other, for each other. He tried so hard to hold back his tears, but they streamed down eventually

He rarely ever cried, but for you… If he couldn’t have you, at least he should be allowed to cry for you.

He tightened the hug and could only wish for the night to never end.

——-

Was hella hard to write this, sorry for this really tragic ending.

But partly writing it this way because I guess as fangirls one of the best things we can give our favs is a safe space to be real with us. Love isn’t about possession. So let’s love them right ok☺️

On a side note, was shook at his fan sign convos. Especially the one he said though he said it’s ok if we leave him for a while because it’s difficult to wait, he didn’t actually mean it.

What a sweetheart!! All the more makes me feel like he might really respond this way if he is faced with this kind of situation (as in this fanfic)?!

Anw hope you guys enjoyed this !

Tag(s): @wooya1224

#byun baekhyun #exo fanfic #exo #exo scenario #exo scenarios #exo baekhyun #baekhyun scenarios #Baekhyun #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun #exo comeback #bambi #baekhyunfanfic

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idontwanttospoiltheparty · 3 years

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Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

#ask #anon #taylor #mine

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hazbinextgeneration · 3 years

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Into The Casino Ch6

"How grand. How splendid." "You..Like it?" Her hopes was present on her face as she as he stared down at her. Giant smile and all. Her ears pinned to her head in submission was quite the satisfying sight, the very fact she was already easy to order around was quite Useful, it meant he didn't have to do much to push her in the right direction. But he still had to be careful. Be too friendly and shell think she could do anything or start to suspect something. Be too harsh and he might run her off. So just dangle the treat halfway to keep the lady a excuse the term, one trick pony. Given the unusual timidness Cyber spoke of, it should run smoothly. So as a little reward, he gave her a pat on the back which she gave a small flinch at.

"Itll do for now. You did a more decent job than I couldve hoped for." Red eyes glazed over the newly installed filing cabinets, filled to the brin with honestly mostly none important things like date books and old appointments. Nothing he really needed but was still asuppliers.a to keep on hand. The more important ones were safely locked away. He made sure of that. Wouldn't want those falling into the wrong hands now wouldn't he. "But dont think you can rest too easy just yet. I still have plenty of work for you to do. " Her little smile disappeared and she gave him a tired look. "Ho-...How m-much work are we talking about?" He hummed in thought, red talons tapping on her shoulder. "Oh. I lost count after we filled the second closet but Cyber has records of everything sealed away-" He tapped his head to refer to Cybers obviously great memory. "But don't forget your other responsibilities now." "W-What other responsibilities?" His smile widened. "Im glad you asked. You see-" She made a small squeak of surprise as he presssed her closer to him, guiding her around with his arm towards the open door. "As my new asistant you'll be taking on some of my less important work so Ill have more time to focus on more.." He looked back to her with a calculating look in his eyes. "Interesting matters that have caught my attention." She couldn't help but give a shiver, looks like that always made her uncomfortable along with unwanted physical contact. This man was absolutely not one she would want to be close to- She should really start thinking about a way outta there soon. But then again that begs the question. Could she really escape? "Though I think..you could use a small update to your appearance. Come. Its about time I officially get you settled in. After all. What lady doesn't enjoy shopping at our local Hellmart?" The confusion on her face intensified. "What's a hellmart?" The absolute naivity of the girl never ceased to amuze him. Her questions were more entertaining that annoying. What's a limo? What's a mall? Really. It was like entertaining a child. The amount of wide eyed awe she gave at the long car and gigantic store building made him chuckle. Such nativity was a good sign for potential manipulation. So it made sense when Cyber poped the question,"You don't get out much, do you?" She had given an embarrassed look before responding with, "I...Was kept inside for a long while. I..Im afraid I don't h-have much knowledge of t-the current things. " "Ill say. Just make sure you stick close." "You'll do well to heed Cybers advice." he gave a look out the window as the car made its way to a slow stop in front of a giant archway connected to an even larger building. "Most of these people are dealers and scavengers who would sell their own children if it meant having food on the table for one night." He wasn't exaggerating either. The moment the three of them stepped out and entered shouts from demobs all around them. Shouting from makeshift booths of some sorts, gesturing to things they were attempting to sell, some gave her obvious looks- Cyber gently pushed her along. Wouldn't want to draw too much attention now would they? Lou on the other hand didnt seem worried in the slightest. Walking at a brisk pace towards one area he knew would have everything they needed. Which was why she was pretty surprised when he stopped all of a sudden and almost ran into him, tilting her head back, she gazed up curiously as he gestured a hand out to an opening between two booths. " This way now. Step lively. We haven't got all day you know." Both women didnt hesitate to follow after him down the dark alleyway, though Amalfia was probably questioning what sanity he had at the moment to go down an obviously dark alley in the middle of a crowd of demons who could and would most likely take advantage to jump them- But then again who down here was even sane? But she couldn't think much on that longer either when yet another entrance way was opened up and he disappeared behind the door without warning. Cyber had to coax her in but they soon followed after, what was inside made her eyes widen. It looked nothing like the outside. Where everything outthere was gloom n doom, it was like they stepped through a portal and into a fancy dress and jewelers shoppe. Hundreds of beautiful items and frankly highly expensive looking things that Wouldnt probably be easy to get. "Welcome to one of my personal supplier's emporiums! I get most of my more luxuries from." The look on her face was absolute childlike shock. It certainly had been a face he hadn't seen in a while down here. "Of course were only here on business only, so Im afraid we dont have time for sightseeing. Im sure Cyber could help really you find the proper attire." "Attire?" "Of course. You don't expect me to just let you walk around looking like a poor Cinderella now do you? No no. That would reflect badly on my business if my people walked around like common homeless." She opened her mouth to ask something, but unfortunately another beat her to it- "What the hell are YOU doing here?"

All characters besides Amalfia belongs to @palettepainter

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bladekindeyewear · 4 years

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HS^2 bloggin’ upd8 2020-01-17

Alright, morningblogging yesterday’s 2020-01-17 upd8 to Homestuck^2 let’s go! Spoiler-free again. I kinda don’t want even the next chapter names image-spoiled above the cut anymore so I’m going to have to figure out WHAT to put above the cut in these liveblog posts for visual reinforcement... a unique silly icon? Going back once I’m done with the upd8 and posting something non-spoilery but weird-looking out of context?

Eh, can’t be assed. Just know that after this I’m going to pony up for the Patreon commentary and skim it for anything plot-useful to y’all (in a separate post). Let’s get started.

Okay, what’s next: Any bonuses? Oh, none! Phew. Unless those are coming faster too and just staggered differently, which would mean I gotta overcome my irrational pre-Homestuck-reading anxiety even MORE often. :T

No Homestuck you don’t GET to ask how my-- ah, right. :P

(FYI, HS^2 has been good to my emotions so far, quite a balm for the epilogues, so once I START reading I’m usually fine; but after being hurt so badly how could I possibly convince my lizard brain to trust it until it’s right in front of me? Seriously, just hearing that the upd8 has landed messes me up a bit until I come fix it by reading w/ y’all here.)

Okay, so whose feelings? As much as I’ve been waiting for Jade, I hope this isn’t about Jade.

> ==>

Ah fuck, we’re finally with the Pursuit Crew. Bracing myself. That means we get to see probably sleeping Jade ( :C ), full-swing DaveKat (approving nod), the first canon onscreen look at masculine-mode Roxy (<3), a probably pretty pissed off Kanaya (possibly either the feelings target, the one Saying How Are Your Feelings, or both), and uh... did they drag Callie along? Or leave her back there with her meta freakout? Probably left her back there, but... hm.

Let me turn up the brightness on this screen to sear these next pages into my retinas. (Also, it feels odd to still be using a four-person “==>” for these, although if Jade is still asleep the numbers might fit on both ends... :c )

> ==>

I don’t think Dad is in the spacefaring business, so this is probably one of Jake’s shittier spaceship designs.

> ==>

...well that’s a touch disturbing. Is that a Jade-occupied bed or are those just pillows?

Oh what the fresh fanfic’y heck is this command.

> i enter.

Okay that’s great. I got a kick out of that.

JADE [in calliope red]: the prince’s power grows.

--but that’s not. That explains the narrative command text, it’s alt!callie talking through a still conked-out Jade. Please let her wake up between speak-throughs, please tell me you’ve learned that trick?? I already know you’re gonna pull an “oh she was asleep pretty much all of those THREE YEARS OF TRAVEL” thing on me and that’s hard fucking enough to deal with.

KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST!

He’s actually using the full curse correctly, huh?

...These commands. Guess part of the puzzle is how much alt!Callie is being typically morbid and how much she might actually be wising up enough to get a kick out of this.

> the knight of blood falls.

DAVE: dude can you chill for like even a single fucking second DAVE: also are you ok

Has CallieJade chilled for even a single second this entire trip?? Is he asking just if Karkat’s okay or Jade too???

--yeah I’m overblowing things out of nervousness. Just wait and see a bit, boots.

Alt!Callie has at least learned to be more of a smartass:

> karkat is characteristically appreciative of the alarm call.

Shirt trade Karkat, nice. And uh, Jade’s dress sure is a... dress. Hm.

(Did alt!Callie alchemize adjustments to did she just luck out to have a red-symbol’d Bec belt and accent leggings? I’d prefer the former, because as much as it would be acceptable within Homestuck proper, using the transition between the epilogues and this new-author’d work to just HAPPEN to give her a fitting outfit without an excuse via providence is kind of lazy.)

KARKAT: OH, PARDON THE FUCK OUT OF ME FOR OVERREACTING A LITTLE WHEN MY GOOD FRIEND "POSSESSED JADE" BUSTS INTO MY RESPITEBLOCK AT 5 AM! KARKAT: NEXT TIME I’LL JUST PULL THE COVERS BACK AND LET HER CLIMB IN! JADE: i am uninterested in that scenario. KARKAT: GREAT! POSSESSED JADE ISN’T EVEN HORNY! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?

...please let that mean he’s not used to her being possessed all the time and she wakes up sometimes. PLEASE.

DAVE: but im pretty sure i locked that door JADE: i unlocked it with my mind. DAVE: fuck KARKAT: FANTASTIC. JADE: the prince’s powers are growing, but so are mine.

Dave, I’m pretty sure regular-ass no-Green-Sun Space powers can flip a few lock tumblers too. (--though, I guess from context this was a Jakeship technolock. Confirmation on the ship’s bad taste in design. --I think I’m foggily remembering it said in the Epilogues that they took one of Jake’s ships just like Dirk did, too... man, being depressed so much by the Epilogues sure took a lot out of my ability to recall them decently.)

KARKAT: LIKE YOU DON’T FLOAT AROUND LIKE A CREEPY PIECE OF SHIT ALL DAY AS IT IS?

God DAMN IT she’s been asleep and possessed the whole fucking time.

> sleep is abandoned, coffee sought.

More obligatory DaveKat being cute, somehow only emphasized by the embarrassing glowing-with-power observer who doesn’t really get any of it.

Ah, here we go:

> the rogue is also awake.

Oh huh. Cool!

Hero outfit, understated... her his choice of heart-shades color-coded to stand out from Dave more to avoid further mistaken identity cases. Works well! (Holy shit I only JUST remembered at the end to go back and correctly gender Roxy as him, that was close. I blame the epilogues for a lack of visual reinforcement; I shouldn’t have as much trouble soon enough. Seriously, I don’t remember ANYTHING without visual reinforcement, I think that’s why I remember so much of Homestuck proper so clearly.)

KARKAT: OH SHIT, THERE SHE IS! I DIDN’T EVEN HEAR HER FOLLOW US! ROXY: sometimes a girls just got to get her drift on i guess ROXY: it be like that

ilu roxy.

I missed Roxy so much, you guys. I need more of him remarking on all this crazy shit if I’m gonna stay sane though all this. (And I need more of him and AWAKE JADE kicking ass independently or together if I’m going to continue to believe there’s justice in the world.)

> ==>

We rarely saw Rose drinking anything but the rare coffee in canon, but I think Kanaya would have gotten her plenty into tea, yes. Or at the very least, wanting the aesthetic of drinking tea with Kanaya would have gotten Rose into tea even if it never crossed Kanaya’s mind to try the stuff.

ROXY: well i mean who knows what she drinks now ROXY: dirk probs tossed the coffee machine out the space window right away ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances" > the prince is contemplated for a moment in silence.

FUCK, Dirk can see the narrative all the way out here??? No wonder alt!Callie’s forced to have possession turned on 24/7. That’s fucking disappointing. How the hell are we going to get any proper Jade time with THAT hanging over our heads? She’d only be able to do anything when Dirk’s knocked out, and maybe not even THEN!

I was virtually promised more of actual non-asleep Jade getting shit done in HS^2. Now there’s an even longer wait on it than I expected. This sucks.

(EDIT: BOY did I misread that link line. Thinking “is contemplated” meant is sitting contemplating, when it meant "is being contemplated by everyone here". That was dumb of me.)

*clicks that next link*

Oh my goodness, Roxy joined the Bird Hair Crew. It makes him look like a fucking asshole but I kind of love it.

KARKAT: IS THERE MILK?

I can’t believe Karkat is okay with drinking milk. --yes, culturally Trolls are more comfortable with animal excretions than we are, but you would’ve thought years of railing against Equius would have purged any tolerance the idea of milk from his psyche.

I guess Dave introduced him to cereal, and it was all over from there.

DAVE: this is more like a castle DAVE: a castle of idk DAVE: twenty something ennui

Sounds like a relatable mood. Especially considering Dirk probably decided to conquer reality out of almost nothing but twenty-something ennui.

Alright. You aren’t going to turn Kanaya into an alcoholic or anything on us are you?

> the knight of time seeks a sylph...

--this is the shittiest shipboard starship aesthetic.

> ...and finds her, momentarily.

WOW that looks fucking depressed. :(

> ==>

...okay you know what? Never mind. That outfit has wrapped straight back around into Trying Too Hard and is now hilarious.

DAVE: you ever feel like our whole lives are eventually gonna end up like this DAVE: just blasting through space on a sweeps long journey to ""somewhere"" chasing after or running from some vague enemy thats sometimes a god modded pet dog and sometimes your dad DAVE: without the faintest fucking idea of whats going to happen when we get there DAVE: thats a little specific but you know what i mean

Why do you think the epilogues upset us so much? We thought we’d won free of that bullshit.

> ==>

Oh jesus christ that’s the most depressingly sad I’ve ever seen Kanaya drawn. :C

--Karkat got you to watch Serendipity? That’s amazing, Dave.

KANAYA: You Arent Reminding Me Of Her As I Rarely Think Of Anything Else KANAYA: I Close My Eyes And I See Her KANAYA: I Keep Them Open And I See Her

Fuck.

Y’know how little showing these two in love and actually HAPPY together we’ve seen in this entire comic and its subworks? Despite them having spent at least a few happy years together we only saw in tiny screenclips? And how Candy alluded super hard that they most likely couldn’t get that in this real timeline where shit’s going down?

Seriously, FUCK. You could at least pretend to give us some hope, here.

Oh no, don’t ask for the nursery story, Dave. Unless it turns out to be a funny one or a Rose twist on an old story or something. Which it probably is, I should stop worrying.

> ==>

KANAYA: Oh Its A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost DAVE: flower DAVE: like a plant KANAYA: Its A Fairytale Dave DAVE: right KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

Dirk you PIECE OF SHIT did you rewrite the narrative of the fucking STORIES SHE TOLD CHILDREN?!?? Does the fact that alt!Callie is only in the present mean he can rewrite ANY past event we didn’t literally SEE??? FUCK you. Seriously fuck all of this.

Please tell me she was kidding just then, or realizes there’s fucking something wrong with what she’s saying and getting angry or.

(EDIT: shoutyourporpoise replied: "Hey, idk If you picked up on this, but the 'nursery story' Rose told to the wigglers is just The Little Prince, which is maybe a BIT early for them to read, but I don't think that's a case of Dirk changing the narrative; its just Rose being Too Adult as usual." Oh, damn, I didn't even CATCH that it was that story. That makes all of this a lot more forgivable, even if pretty unforgivably leaning into the fiction that Dirk used to brainwash and kidnap her. Maybe that's exactly why it worked -- fiction, a story so blazed into the public consciousness? Hm. Thanks, shoutyourporpoise.)

KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

Mother fuck I’m even going to have to see our protagonists warped by Dirk when they’re ostensibly FULLY SHIELDED aren’t I. There’s only so much of that I would be able to take, you know.

KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister KANAYA: She Is A Goddess Of Light And The Only Of Her Kind We Know Is Alive After All KANAYA: Maybe Shes Wrested Dominion Of The Entire Concept In All Its Appearances Within This Frame Of Reference

Hm. Well, it being a product of Rose’s ascension instead of Dirk’s is possibly a more charitable take, with Ultimate Rose projecting the delusion enforced on her backward, visible to past Rose’s Sight when she isn’t paying attention and thus paving the way for Dirk to paradoxically exploit that “ideal” as something Lighty and Important and “Perfect”. I still don’t fucking like it though.

> ==>

DAVE: sorry i know you say you got your badass monster powers but kanaya you look tired as hell DAVE: not that im tryna psyche you or whatever but youre waxing poetic in the dark which i guess is maybe on brand but still

Yyyep.

DAVE: unless terezi is lurking in the vents somewhere and now that i bring that up its actually not out of the question so im kind of gonna be thinking about that one for a while

Pffff.

DAVE: youre the only person i know whos still basically the same as when i met you

--Which is kind of going to have to change, right? She’s got some other cosmic purpose ready to change her a little more than she changed pre-human-troll-meetup, you’d think.

> ==>

Cute as hell.

> ==>

KANAYA: How Are Your Feelings

There’s the title drop. I’d think Dave’s doing pretty well, considering? Still fucked over by Dirk betraying and tricking Rose away who he’s been close with all his life, but.

> ==>

DAVE: except sometimes your best friend disappears and your other best friend goes into a ghost coma and your third best friend fucks off to space with your dad DAVE: the dude youve spent the last 7 years convincing yourself isnt an egomaniacal anime villain DAVE: and who isnt actually lying in wait to completely decimate your life and your emotions and shit

Ah... yeah. A little worse than my casual list, huh? Forgot that Jade vanishing into a possession-coma for THREE FUCKING YEARS is going to be hard on people inside the comic too, fuck.

DAVE: maybe it was naive to think that a bunch of twenty something trauma victims could run a society

I was honestly surprised they TRIED to run society at all. Jasp even just highlighted a big reason why not in the bonuses.

DAVE: cool how earth c existed for centuries then we show up and manage to ruin society in seven fucking years

Well, the trolls got THEIR lesson on why they didn’t deserve to rule over their new universe like gods; I guess some of y’all needed that lesson too?

DAVE: every serious conversation i have inevitably falls apart into riffing on a casual acquaintances ass

True.

Dammit, Dave didn’t feel like he could just be Some Guy even on Earth C. :(

> ==>

...don’t think I’ve forgotten that nursery story, though. I don’t want to think that it was something that ACTUALLY past happened, especially not without manipulation. Like maybe past Rose was foreseeing the false purpose that Dirk wrote for her or the like, a cooperative misunderstanding between the two instead of Dirk or Rose literally reaching back in time.

> meanwhile...

KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN ASKING? HE’S OBVIOUSLY NOT FINE. KARKAT: ARE ANY OF US? ARE YOU? ROXY: not rly KARKAT: EXACTLY.

--Oh right. I remember that Callie and Roxy were going reasonably steady in Meat even though it was only alluded to, she didn’t freak out and stay awol or what have you. That’s good to remember. But it means Roxy deliberately left her behind to go on this dangerous quest, for years. :C

KARKAT: KANAYA BARELY EVEN TALKS, CALLIOPE WON’T LEAVE THEIR CABIN, JADE JUST FLOATS AROUND LIKE A CREEPY BALLOON THAT’S MOSTLY MADE OF HAIR.

Oh, SHIT. I should have read one line further. They DID bring her. Alt!Callie being here too must really FUCK with her. ...maybe she can actually learn to accept that alternate way her life might’ve played out, though?

KARKAT: THE REALLY FUCKED UP THING IS I MIGHT BE THE MOST OKAY OUT OF ALL OF US, WHICH IS HOW YOU KNOW SHIT HAS REALLY GONE GLOBES UP.

Quite true.

ROXY: ur kinda an intense dude anybody ever tell u that KARKAT: NO.

Pff.

> ==>

KARKAT: AGAINST PRETTY MUCH ALL ODDS, AND DESPITE ME NOT DESERVING ANY OF IT, I ENDED UP GETTING PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I WANTED. KARKAT: OVER AND OVER AGAIN. KARKAT: SOMETIMES IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE WHATEVER SLATHERING MONSTROSITY OF A COSMIC HELLBEAST THAT PUT ALL THIS SHIT INTO MOTION...ACTUALLY LIKES ME?

Well, if you want to blame Lord English for instance... we never saw Caliborn and Karkat interact much, but the parallels between the two were drawn so severely that Caliborn was basically the idealized, multiverse-threatening Ultimate Kismesis that he’d always dreamed of. And operated against him without him even ever quite realizing it.

If a level of “respect” went from Caliborn to Karkat, too, from his Lord-Englishy vision nigh-omnipresent, then this outcome isn’t very surprising at all.

> ==>

(I don’t quite feel I get why Roxy shifted to this exasperated-Dave expression, but I get logically that he’d been waiting for Karkat to make a breakfast choice... Homestuck proper rarely pulled a “last line said corresponds to next-panel’s expression” without either leaving the conversation blank or having the NEXT lines of the conversation reinforce it, to prevent this inelegant misunderstanding. Andrew was really damned talented in getting his point across visually, in that regard. Just like, that careful visual intent delivery.)

Alright, I guess that’s it for this short upd8! Meeting the pursuit crew was both more and less difficult than I expected. Hopefully I get desensitized a bit as the characters continue to feel semi-almost-sorta-fine.

I have NO idea how this group is gonna work as a proper crew when we get to whatever weird other-players’ session this shit is going down in, though.

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #bladekindeyewear #blastyoboots #spoiler #spoilers #shoutyourporpoise

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hopefullyincredible-jackjack · 4 years

Photo

JJ’s feel good happy hits playlist, for when you’re feeling good (like you should)

Track list:

1. Sunday Best - Surfaces 2. Hey Look Ma, I Made It - Panic! At The Disco 3. Burn The House Down - AJR 4. Say It Loud - Francis Aud 5. Happy - Pharrell Williams 6. OKAY OKAY - Alessia Cara 7. Rain On Me (with Ariana Grande) - Lady Gaga 8. Think About Things - Daði Freyr 9. Stronger - Kanye West 10. Raising Hell (featuring Big Freedia) - Kesha

These tracks and more can be found at JJ’s playlist! A little more detail under the cut:

1. Sunday Best - Surfaces

Feeling good, like I should Went and took a walk around the neighbourhood Feeling blessed, never stressed Got that sunshine on my Sunday best

This whole playlist is dedicated to songs JJ dances around his room to when the sun is shining and everything’s going his way, and it was mostly inspired by this song. Surfaces have a really good way of telling a story with their lyrics whilst giving you a melody to dance two, and their music is always weirdly mellow-but-boppy, which fits JJ’s vibe quite nicely.

2. Hey Look Ma, I Made It - Panic! At The Disco

I'm gonna be the greatest In a golden cathedral I'll be praying for the faithless And if you lose, boo-hooHey look ma, I made it

This song is kinda cheesy IMO but it does hit different when you’re really feeling yourself, which is why it made this list. It’s another song with an excellent bop to it (idk music terms but u all know what I mean) that makes it perfect for dancing round your room to.

3. Burn The House Down - AJR

Used to hang my head low Now I hear it loud Every stranger from Twitter is gonna burn this down

I feel like AJR are a very Gen Z-oriented band which is whack bc they’re all millenials as far as I know and I could be wrong, bc I’m on that weird millenial/Gen Z cusp so what do I know, but their songs always have such a message about being young and growing up and recognising the world for what it is. It’s lyrics speak to JJ but again it has the bop-factor making it a perfect dance tune.

4. Say It Loud - Francis Aud

Say it loud Say it proud! Come on you know what im talking about! Say it with your chest! "I love myself"

Another song that is just about feeling pumped up and feeling yourself, hence why it makes the happy hits playlist; it’s also definitely one of those songs that can pick you up if you aren’t feeling your best.

5. Happy - Pharrel Williams

It might seem crazy what I'm 'bout to say Sunshine she's here, you can take a break I'm a hot air balloon that could go to space With the air, like I don't care baby by the way

JJ would have been 7 when Despicable Me came out which is disgusting but it also means it’s like a childhood classic to him, so this song is probably deeply ingrained in his memory, and probably reflects on a lot of the happier times in his life. Plus, it is a bop, I don’t care what anyone says.

6. OKAY OKAY - Alessia Cara

I'm a million trick pony The number one and only On a scale of 1 to 10, I'm at 11

I love this song bc unlike the rest it’s not about knowing how amazing you are, it’s about making yourself feel like you are, and convincing yourself, so it’s a nice pick-me-up song if you’re maybe not feeling like you’re the best. It’s definitely a song JJ dances around his room too when he’s needing to pick himself up, and honestly it should probably be at the start of this playlist as it could definitely lead to listening to the rest of these

7. Rain On Me (with Ariana Grande) - Lady Gaga

I'd rather be dry, but at least I'm alive Rain on me, rain, rain Rain on me, rain, rain

This one is a little different in tone because it’s not actually about being the best or whatever, to me it’s more being grateful for what you have and who you are, which is equally as important and equally as feel good, and hence it makes the list. 8. Think About Things - Daði Freyr

Baby, I can't wait to know What do you think about things? Believe me, I will always be there, so You can tell me anything and I'll listen

Again this song is like very different in tone to the rest but listen to this song and tell me it doesn’t make you feel good. This is THE bop. When we talk about songs being bops, this is the song we’re comparing them to. So this is definitely on JJ’s feel good playlist, and I feel like it has a sweet message too, so extra points

9. Stronger - Kanye West

Bow in the presence of greatness ‘Cause right now thou hast forsaken us You should be honored by my lateness That I would even show up to this fake shit So go ahead, go nuts, go apeshit

Kinda back on that I’m the best vibe but it takes a new twist here with not only am I the best, but I’m invincible too, which is a real JJ vibe. Whether he’s doing epic stunts or cool skateboard tricks or just generally being himself, he definitely feels like he’s unstoppable, so this track fits right in

10. Raising Hell (featuring Big Freedia) - Kesha

Oh, if you couldn't tell We can always find the trouble, we don't need no help Singing oh, mama raised me well But I don't wanna go to Heaven without raising hell

I like this song for the end of this playlist bc it mentions your sunday best and it feels like we’ve come full circle lol but this is sort of the antithesis of Stronger in a way — it’s saying that you’re not invincible, so you should go out and have fun whilst you can, and JJ contains multitudes so this is a vibe that also really speaks to him. He’s all about raising a little hell, in whatever form that takes. And this song, as the rest, has the bop-factor, making it perfect to dance/jump around to.

#bdrptask #jj's playlist is my fave honestly #i could make like 10 of these for him bc he has so many moods #but this is my fave

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needs-to-stop-looking-at-valves · 5 years

Text

Character review! (12/12)

Colossus Rhodes!!;

Im...not gonna lie i didn't even know this bitch had a name. I mean, name me a bitch who could remember his name? I mean hes a one trick pony. First time he surprised us, then...eh. hes just boring.

Verdict:1/10. Hes just...so fucking boring. Take him home if you want?? All i gotta say is why?? Name ONE bitch who's horny for him. I'll wait.

Meltdown's dumb fucking oc's!!;

I don't care what you guys say, this is what they should be called. They fucking suck. God i hate them. They can get fucked by Fanzone's damn feet but can take on Grimlock? Bullshit.

Verdict:0/10. Just...don't. Dont.

Nanosec!!;

I?? Think he was my favorite human villian? He wasn't too complicated. He was just some guy who needed money, and Megatron made something out of it. He's kinda funny, he's a dumbfuck, hes US if we got super speed. Plus i kinda REALLY ship him with Slow-mo? And honestly? His simplicity makes him a GOOD character. I appreciate him.

Verdict:7/10. Take him home if you want?? Your parents are gonna think hes some punk. But he's just a guy. Probably lives off fucking ramen noodles and wants enough cash for a tv and some pizza.

Professor Princess!!;

She's such a 'feminist'. Shes the bitch who'd have a bake sale for equality, charge boys $1 and girls 75 cents. Shes annoying. They never explain HOW shes a professor?? Shes like 5?? What are you professor of? Fucking potty training?? Whatever powdered sugar can do better.

Verdict:3/10. Itd be 0, but...the voice actress kept bringing me back. Im not gonna comment on taking her home because thats FUCKED and anyone who complains about it is gonna get blocked. Seriously.

Headmaster!!;

Ugh god. Hes the guy on call of duty telling you he fucked your mom last night. He's just...annoying. weird buff goth, and his invention wasn't that creative in my book, and it DID make Dirtboss. But at least thanks to him Optimus got to punch Sentinel.

Verdict:4/10. Don't take him home. You guys deserve more than this.

Master diaster!!;

Was available for only one episode. Ill say one thing, dudes got good colors. Red is such a magical color. He works with it. He's also got a neato role, which was interesting enough for a one time baddie. I think i just....really don't like his face.

Verdict:6/10. Chances are he doesn't wanna meet your folks, since he's doing illegal shit. Plus lets face it you'd only hit that for money.

Slowmo!!;

This dame is EVERYTHING! The bee's knees, the cats pajamas! From the way she talks, to her looks, to how she interacted with Nanosec. Shes got a nice dialect, a pleasant speech, talking fit for the papers (im trying shut up) and is overall just a neato character? I liked having her around. It was a shame they didn't bring her in more. A disappointment, a travesty, unfair.

Verdict:7/10. Bring her home, shes a catch, the top fish, a total dame who takes things slow.

Powel!!;

He proves you can't trust a bitch with a Mullet. He just...sucks. its his clear intentions though, so hes...good? At sucking?? He's just that bitch in class that deserves nothing but has EVERYTHING. It sucks.

Verdict:2/10. Don't take him home. He'll just take your house and build a sweat shop on it.

#review #rhodes #nanosec #headmaster #prof princess #slowmo #master diaster #lemon #tfa #transformers

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quackspot · 5 years

Text

ok i want to talk about my cookie run ocs so i will but below the cut because thats just how it be sdkljklsjklea (im going to TRY not blab out everything i think so then if you want you can send asks)

FROG!!

ok so hes a liddol baby . he likes to hang out with sand ! theyre best friends and sometimes go to beaches and other places together. he’s very sweet and a little quiet. just a baby.

speaking of sand here they are!!! they dont talk much but when they do it sometimes freaks cookies out due to it being a drippy sand hole like

frog doesnt care about it too much . sometimes he tries to put sticks or something in their mouth just to see what’d happen. sand just eats the stick

rabbit’s foot is ! very lucky to say the least. hes also pretty gullible and easily fall for tricks but due to his luck they never seem to work out. very rarely does something harmful happen to him, though things like disappointing or saddening other cookies can happen.

SPEAKING of disappointing or saddening cookies... fun dip! he’s often disappointed due to his tricks not working on rabbit’s foot but that only motivates him more. someone once said he looks like he’d be gumballs brother and honestly that’d be a chaotic pair of siblings (while im hesitant about canon relations with ocs..... who cares????). so yeah fun dip and gumball are brothers.

rabbit’s foot is very much like a young child (though he is aware of a lot of things, he just has a personality alike to a young child. not a brain alike to a young child) and fun dip is a goofball prankster.

almond is very grumpy and they want to be a powerful wizard . honestly if they knew how to contact de or find her they would. also they are very emotional but tend to bottle it up (becuase in their tags on their ref its like “bad boy or crybaby” and i was like ‘’ok both’’).

they dont hang around cookies often

and now for your local gamer boy. basically mlg jokes all the way around. mtn dew cookie references all that old stuff! theyre likely aware of other things too but theyre like “ah, nah, no thanks bro lolololol” and somehow they have that one robotic male voice? you know the one in all of cowbelly’s videos that reads the memes? yeah that one. idk how to describe it

they also live off of doritos! besides their pet because it’s kind of obvious that’s a different dorito (plus g4m3r br0 has been existing for a while so it’d taste bad)

(mtn dew cookie is pangender)

garlic cooky! hes a dad and he’s married but that was on ponytown . i made him when me, kiley, and jamie decided to make a lil oc family . kiley made bread cookie his husband and jamie made butter, their daughter. garlic cookie had a very chaotic family when we all actualy messed around on there !

he also adopted some one’s herb pony on ponytown who acted very feral . we joked about dog with a blog because garlic called him the family dog . garlic cookie thinks toe toe (what he named the feral herb) is a dog unironically. like legit. also he’s a vampire ! he’s allergic to himself but isn’t dead yet somehow.

i could talk more about his family but yeah !

ravioli ravioli give me the formuoli (this oc was made on ponytown as well ! she acts like plankton)

she is a gremlin. pretty small. why is there so much evil in you, little cookie? also i was playing with styles in that doodle so like ? if you want me to draw in that style a bit more then just mention it

ngl i dont like how i doodled corn dog in that one but! corn dog is a baseball player and she’s very much ur classic jock. but nicer. she will want to play with you no matter what you want to play she loves ball games ! considering shipping her with orange cookie for some reason idk why but. if you want corn dog x orange then ig just ask for it sdkljdsljskl ;) i might doodle it too. corn dog x orange x lime? maybe but probably not since it seems like lime would get too jealous too easily

ASIDE from ships i really like how i first drew corn dog

what i struggled with with my doodle was her hair and i need to practice that a bit so i might look up things to practice with that ;-O

birthday cake ! he is chaotic party. very energetic. i completely imagine him whacking his face right into cake at a birthday party like if u gave him the 2nd anniversary cake his message would just be like. “*SPLAT* feels good on my face!” just to make it obvious he threw his face into the cake. also he has eyes he just likes to cover them up. maybe he’s blind but i based the blind fold thing off of terezifjseakljklw jklfjkldjkl jfkljwlkjioKLSJKLFJEKLRwer

gasoline cookie! i only made this character just recently on ponytown. he is very tired and lacking energy and is overall soggy in a sense. party pooper and very serious. i made this guy because i was joking like “if there were a gasoline they’d have a tension with fire spirit thats like ‘’DONT DRINK MY HAIR’’ or something” and then i made him

JAM!!!! they are my baby child and i love them a lot! i even made a blog for them but idk if its still up uhhh @cookiestuckinspace ! send asks there if you’d like i guess? the blog is very dead. mtn dew is also there! there’s also unicorn cookie but i didn’t draw her.

they are a very sweet cookie who wishes to befriend many aliens! they’ve learned many languages and often mixes things up (as in, like, you know, accidentally saying an alien idiom in english or an english idiom in alien, forgetting words from either language then trying to describe it then BAM remembering. probably said an alien idiom in ANOTHER alien language while speaking in an english conversation). they know plenty of written languages and honestly? they try so hard to make sure every one is heard. theyre not very professional and theyre kinda bad at driving a ship

whcih is why they let their space buddy drive the ship! yeah their dog, buddy, drives a spaceship. its funky but their dog is literally a spaceship itself.

phoenix!!! i only made him because.... on ponytown there was a mythical beast cult. he likes bugs and orange juice i think? capri suns? i dont know but i think he’s had a drink from a juice box before. theres not much about him but! yeah

RYE COOKIE! hes not really exactly a cookie. more like bread than gingerbread, if you catch what i’m throwing. jam tries really hard to be his friend but he doesnt speak any of hte languages jam knows and jam is trying really hard to figure out what he speaks so they can be friends.

thats all i guess ! please send asks about them or say “would ___ and ___ be friends?” i like to think about the relationships my ocs would have with each other !

heres the image i posted earlier with all my ocs with their names! if you read through this then i love you and have a good day <3

#cookie run ocs #ocposting #haha yeah i could talk about my fandomless ocs too ! i have too many object ocs and im not truly TOO much into object shows . not as much as #i used to be #i really like how i drew almond cookie!

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seokjins · 5 years

Note

I’m not the original anon but I loved reading that so much, please do their strengths! It’s really interesting to hear about this stuff from people who know what they’re talking about

I’m a different anon but I’d be interested in reading what you think their strengths are if you feel like sharing.

AAAAA wow thank you so much !!! i will try to do my best, but it’s very hard to talk about this kind of stuff because, as i mentioned in my first post, i’m not there for the rehearsal process.

this affects my ability to talk about their strengths bc im not able to see them build a piece from the ground up. one of the things i admire the most + dancers hold to high regard is the ability to pick up choreography, how fast they can adapt to the style, and how quickly they reach a performance-ready image. additionally there’s rehearsal attitudes, how focused one can be, and how willing a dancer is to accept corrections + self correct + work w the choreographer

this said .. !

jin

his work ethic. it’s no secret that even from AHL and pre-debut days, jin has always been one of the hardest workers in terms of his dancing ability compared to the other members. to come from a NON DANCING background for the majority of his life (it gets harder to start picking things up the older you get due to habits and posture that ur body becomes used to) and to be able to pull off any single one of bts’ dances WITHOUT standing out and looking like a true professional is something that i greatly admire. with all my dance experience, albeit in ballet, i can’t dance the way he did in NMD even now. many many many idols and dancers will never reach his level of proficiency/energy/attitude in that piece as well.

currently i would say his greatest strength is probably his upper body movement. the only other member that rivals his loose flow is hoseok (re: mic drop dance break w the body rolls), as well as his incredible ballon. he has this ability to seem suspended when he’s doing certain dances … !!!

he also has incredible stamina. he is stable when he sings and dances, and often isn’t pitchy or sounding super out of breath. compared to 99% of the population, this is a talent and skill that many don’t have LOL this can only come from his natural altheticism and his work ethic due to hours and hours of practice ! he also always appears at ease when he dances (unless the song is an “edgy” or “angry” song), which is difficult to accomplish TT

yoongi

his strength as an overall dancer! he’s not just a one-trick pony. he doesn’t have any tricks (except for the recent double endehans that we saw in tokyo “so what”??????omg) but he excels in every single bts dance . there is always a point/move that he does better than his members. for a non dancer, he has such innate ability to move and feel the music, something that is rare for people just breaking into the dancing scene like he was pre-debut.

his footwork in dope is unparalleled. his stylistic choices in fake love r so fitting and unique and fjalsdhgalkhg i can’t praise him enough for opening himself up mentally (because dance is also greatly taxing on ur BRAIN) and getting to a place where it seems judgement has decreased on his OG dance abilities. this allows him more freedom in molding to new pieces and making sure he excels in them !!!!!

namjoon

wowowowowow namjoon also has unbelievable work ethic. i cannot imagine have a stiff, non-dancer’s body (pre-debut) shape itself into the Dancing Machine it is now. there are people who are born to dance, have movement sewn into their bones, but namjoon wasn’t given all of that and yet he continued to work until he found his own rhythm.

YES he is tall, and YES that means he has to move his body faster than everyone else in order to stay on the music, and YES that means when the group cleans a piece he has to bend lower than the others just to be on their same level – a task that can build exhaustion when it’s done over and over the course of a song – but YES he manages to pull it off EVERY TIME.

i cannot believe the amount of growth i’ve seen from him in all different styles. i could never imagine the hard hitting NMD dancer being able to do spring day or, an even better example, FAKE LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he is light in the chorus section (so less resistance compared to JM or JK) but then he contrasts that immediately after w bound-flow, showing innate understanding that dance cannot all be one energy level; you need to have contrast in order to give impact to important parts & keep the audience engaged. otherwise if U attack a piece w the same energy the whole time, it will actually end up looking flat and boring, like all the movements are the same since they will read the same way to the crowd

hoseok

i cannot cannot cannot talk about hoseok enough. for me his greatest strength is his performance quality. ignoring everything else he does so well, i’m gonna cut straight to the chase and say he’s the best dance performer in bts. when he dances – between rehearsal and the stage – there is a clear difference; he’s engaged in both, but there’s a level of freedom that he allows himself which demonstrates his connection to the audience.

he’s very focused on what he looks like in the mirror during practice, but like all great performers, he throws the mindset of “fix technique fix technique fix technique” away once there is an audience and actively invites them to join in on his joy. he has pure passion in his heart for his craft, and it’s never been more clear. the love he has for his art is breathtaking. his fearlessness in switching styles; he’s an absolute chameleon. from spring day to NMD to seo taiji, i’ve never seen him falter before, and all topped off w the most electric connection to the crowd

like WOW is that breathtaking. being confident in choreography is one thing, but going above and beyond by pushing himself to be in performance mode (a whole beast and a half on its own) as much as possible requires more space within himself that i’m lacking from the other members. YES he is an idol, and he is very aware of this business of tricks, but he never forgets that dance speaks it own language, that it has its own rules, that it possesses his body and governs his movements the minute he sets foot on that stage. i can’t even explain the sheer talent thats in him when it comes to this aspect

jimin

oh jimin TT his greatest strength is style. i know i talk a lot about how he doesn’t let go enough of it to really excel in all sorts of genres, but what he’s built from a background in classical-esque styles is incredibly admirable. i’m not sure i would be able to do what he did, coming off of 14 yrs of ballet and not much else. to establish himself pre-debut/debut as a member of dance line in a COMPLETELY different style is so unbelievable to me. he knows his body and he knows how to push his body to get the results he wants

i mean . obviously bts are overworking themselves but to have the mental strength to push thru and continuously crank out all these different pieces w a touch that’s uniquely Jimin™ is smth you can’t deny !!! homeboy knows what lines look good on him, and he adapts the choreography to best suit his body

he also is a great camera fiend. this is more of an industry dancer situation (since great dancers ≠ industry dancers) where his idol status comes into play, but there is a good reason why his fancams get so many views on music shows ! he knows what the camera wants ! he knows how to be sexy ! he knows how to change his image ! he knows how to work with what he’s given and make a whole new meal out of that and its just ! wow ! fuckn yum !

taehyung

ok so let’s talk tae’s upper body. let’s talk . tae’s upper body .

he has such control and awareness over his movements, especially his body rolls. he knows how to make his torso fluid, which is something a lot of the members actively struggle with today. he has such ?? nuanced articulation thru his chest that is typically absent from male dancers , so it’s always a treat to watch him perform

additionally he has great confidence and performance aura. as u can tell from singularity or stigma stages, he also (like jimin) knows how to work a camera well. but this also translates to his dancing. while he can’t catch all the footwork that others may, he understands that facials and his upper body will make up for the deficit.

i’ve said this before but if you want to see how good of a technician a dancer is, you look at their legs and feet. if you want to see how good of a performer they are, you look at their upper body (arms too) . he knows how to make an impact w the way he moves & it’s so clear in the division of his energy thru his body (more towards his chest since) so !

jungkook

for me JK’s strength is how solid he is as a dancer. while he doesn’t excel at a particular style or have a Thing™ which sets him apart from the group, he does exactly what he’s given and he does it well. he works hard. he’s undeniably clean. there’s never a moment where his limbs are flopping around for no reason, and his energy is always portioned exactly where it needs to be. this innate cleanness and confidence in his ability is what allows him to move quickly and look like it’s not costing him much energy

he also has incredible stamina TT i can’t even begin to explain ???begin????him singing it live???WITH THAT FOOTWORK?????? god

his footwork is so strong. i would argue the strongest in bts ... the speed and the sharpness of what i’ve seen him do . while singing. is unbelievable. he is able to keep his wits about himself when the choreography is fast shows just how relaxed he is when he dances. he doesn’t feel the need to rush because he knows he’s just . gonna do everything right LOL (at least that’s the impression i’m getting)

again it’s just so hard to say what his tru strength it without seeing him in rehearsal. this is becoz the level of dancing ability in bts is so high already TT so the basis of my comments are a little redundant since i’m comparing members to members instead of members to regular people lmaoo

#anon #replies: inbox #dance tag #long post --#i hope this was helpful TT #took me forever to write out lmao and apologies for typos im dead inside maybe

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animalcrossingtownlore · 6 years

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Trial Captain Headcanons

ah. fuckin hell. i made this a few days ago but my dad walked in and said he needed to use my computer and i freaked the fuck out so i had to delete my history in 0000.1 seconds. um. not sure how seconds work.

llima:

- THIS boi is rich af. but sometimes he forces his parents to donate some of their money to some random charity at least every few weeks because he wants to have a good reputation. he is a trial captain, after all.

- is kind of a clean freak, and hates germs. so whenever he comes into the classroom, and a bunch of tiny germy disgusting toddlers crowd around his legs trying to get his attention he cringes deeply. never says anything tho.

- in the anime, its canon that he has fangirls. that should be canon in every version of llima tbh. but!!! consider this!!!! a GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY and PROUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD llima!!!

- its canon that he’s been to kalos before, so i imagine that llima fucking LOVES kalos. like, he really REALLY loves kalos. he feels emotionally connected to that place. that’s the region he’s moving to when he gets older. no exceptions

- visits all of the different islands of alola to check in on everybody. he tries to be nice like that. llima is a good neighbor. but let me tell you---

- surprise surprise children. llima. he makes mistakes too. and whenever he does make a mistake he cringes again.

- honestly? i like to think that llima tries his best to act nice and shit, but really he’s hiding a more rude interior inside him. do u even know who llima is? hes a little sassy. but also a little TOO perfect. i think he’s hiding something tbh.

Lana:

- is super best friends with mallow. they live in konikoni city together, so they’ve been friends since they were toddlers. and i mean. best best friends! they have sleepovers literally almost every day.

- lana is the second shortest trial captain. she used to feel a little insecure about being short.... until she saw wittle babby sophocles.

- so in ultra pokemon sun/moon, there were wishiwashi... but instead a shitty araquanid came out of nowhere. what if lana had actually no idea that would even happen. it just happened randomly. and she went with it. wow. that’s lana for you!

- LET’S BE HONEST. LANA IS THE BIGGEST PIECE OF SHIT EVER. SHE IS THE MOST CLEVER AND CUNNING BITCH. LANA KNOWS ALL OF THE TRICKS/PRANKS. IF FACT, SHE HAS PRANKED ALL OF THE TRIAL CAPTAINS, THE KAHUNAS, AND RANDOM TOURISTS IN ALOLA. NOBODY KNOWS WHO THE PRANKSTER IS. THERE IS A FUCKING WANTED WARRANT FOR THE PRANKSTER. THIS GIRL IS WANTED AND SHE FUCKING LOVES IT---

-even so, lana is the best big sister. her little twin sisters, harper and sarah, love her. for good reason, too. she takes care of them all the time and takes them everywhere.

- so in the english anime she has a super soft and sweet voice. ummmmm.... no bitches. lana has a kinda deep/somewhat dead inside voice that’s somehow calming. punch me. i won’t stop talking about this.

- takes morning swims, evening swims, mid-afternoon swims, midnight swims, has days where she just swims and fishes and that’s all she does.

Kiawe:

- In the anime kiawe has a little sister. And he IS protective of her. He IS a good brother. Omg. imagine kiawe seeing his little sister play with one of his fire-type pokemon, and he’s low-key scared the pokemon will burn her to ashes. Poor bby

- prefers dancing over any exercise ever, that’s a fact! but!!!! Kiawe plays “just dance” and he gets a perfect score ever gotdamn time i swear he does and he gets the best workout from it.

- What if kiawe is somewhat scared of lana because of her awesome as shit water types. Oh no. he knows he could never win-

- Y’know the hiker bitch??? Yeah him and kiawe are good friends. I can see them hanging out together. Like what if hiker bitch is lonely and kiawe is lonely too. So they are best friends. (but guys, you notice how lana and mallow live in one city? But kiawe is just in paniola town alone? There’s probs not many people in paniola town tbh)

- Kiawe is a dork and uses thousands of hair gel bottles to get his hair lookin so good.

- So you see those teeth on his necklace? they’re teeth from charizard. a charizard willingly gave kiawe some teeth so he could have a badass af necklace. Kiawe is good with pokemon especially big and dangerous ones

- Really loves those moments where he hangs out with the other trial captains, he loves the meetings. He has gone to every. Single. Meeting. Not even shitting you right now he has. It’s also because he’s responsible and shit

Mallow:

- DID YOU GUYS SEE THE ALOLAN BROCK EPISODE. I HAVE. MALLOW LOVES HER BROTHER BUT AT THE SAME TIME WISHES THAT HE WOULD GET A FUCKING LIFE ALREADY. AT LEAST IN HER MIND

- So! I feel like mallow really likes both the pokemon tsareena and the pokemon lurantis. She loves them both. I know in the anime she has a steenee, and in the games she gets a tsareena, so yeah its canon i guess. But you know what??? She loves lurantis as well, she knows it’s badass and she likes it as the totem pokemon.

- Loves trying all different hairstyles and she has a new hairstyle every day. Idfk if we never see it in the anime or the games or anywhere else. If i canon it its true bitches im a the fucking god of pokemon u assholes

- Has always had a taste for exotic flavors. As even a smol babby, she didn’t like “normal” food. It was bland to her. All of it was bland. So she made her picky tastes into food!!!

- …. Not everybody likes her food though. Right now she hasn’t learned to actually take criticism. She blocks it out whenever someone tries to criticize her food. She’ll learn when she’s older.

- Is kind of indecisive. She has trouble making decisions sometimes. “Hhmmm!!! Should i go to today’s meeting or not??? Well, gotta be responsible!!! Oh wait a sec! WHAT IF?? I JUST DIDNT GO? UH-”

- Her most big decision she will never fully decide on? Well, the question that i even ask myself everyday! Are boys cute… or are girls CUTER?! (yeah she will never decide on her sexuality)

Sophocles: (okay but i really like sophocles and i think if he existed me and him would be like best buds tbh)

- Okay, so i saw a headcanon on tumblr talking about how sophocles could possibly be autistic, because he’s extremely smart but can’t talk with people without having some kind of anxiety, and i think that might actually make sense! It’s obvious he has some kind of anxiety disorder or something, but i cant say whether he’s autistic or just anxious, since i haven’t done much research on autism. But! I hear it’s actually a very interesting subject, so maybe after some research i’ll make some headcanons on autistic! sophocles.

- Has always loved video games, and molayne was probably the one who got him into them.

- Not sure how to feel about his body. Like he knows he’s short and pale and he looks like a fucking baby. A lot of rude people have probably pointed it out to them before (most likely on the internet, or even ON FESTIVAL PLAZA THAT PLACE IS NOT FOR CHILDREN) and he hates it, but molayne (the pure man) has told him that being short has a lot of advantages and he actually looks a little cute with his baby face.

- togedemaru (togemaru) helps sophocles with his anxiety by letting sophocles pet him whenever he’s anxious and needs to calm down. Molayne was the one who got sophocles that pokemon in case molayne wasn’t around and sophocles had a panic attack and needed comfort

- He does love his food he’ll admit. (yes i like the anime shut up) he also loves mallow’s food!!! And her restaurant!!! And he goes there all the time. It’s like… his favorite place. Sometimes he stress eats but he tries not to do that ( t r i e s )

- He likes fidget spinners bitches and YOU CANT DO SHIT ABOUT IT

- He has a tumblr account. And nobody knows about but him. He posts memes on there and is shameless about it. kick me in the stomach nothing is changing my mind about this

Acerola:

- So yeah, she’s got parents. But she likes hanging out with uncle nanu more. Why? Because she knows he has too much alone time for himself and she knows it’s not healthy to be alone too much. ALSO SHE LOVES CATS AND NANU HAS PLENTY OF THOSE FURBALLS

- Speaking of uncle nanu, he was the one who taught her how to be such a good pokemon trainer. (she’s in the league for goodness sakes) nanu genuinely loves her. He’s never told her that, but acerola knows she’s charming <3

- Also she loves candles. they are spoopy. She likes spoopy purple candles yep

- Is really good friends with sophocles!! She’s surprisingly good with panic attacks and in their conversations she usually does the talking, much to sophocles relief.

- Can sew like a boss. Yes!!! She made her own dress!!! Well i mean… she doesn’t have many materials to work with. she only uses shitty rags or old clothes but still pulls it off. she is fabulous isn’t she

- The reason why she uses the thrifty megamart as her trial site? So she can steal the plushies they have there. I mean the plushies are old… but acerola isnt picky.

- Has a mimikyu for a pet but never uses it for battle

Mina:

- Has 100% dyed her hair before. Like imagine mina’s hair changing every few days and nobody notices beccause they’re used to it

- Art and pokemon battling aren’t her ONLY hobbies. I mean. Uh. wait lemme rethink this-

- She’s not the sterotypical depressed artist. She’s the sterotypical type of artist who doesn’t like their art most of the time but thinks everybody else’s art is amazing and deserves to be in a museum

- Her and hapu? Friends for life, man. There’s not too many people on poni island. Sometimes it can seem like NOBODY is on that island… like a ghost town tbh. Much less kids. Hapu and mina are most likely the only youngsters on poni island so they had to bond pretty quickly.

- She IS friends with llima tho, since llima likes to visit all the islands on alola they see each other sometimes. they probs dated for a while before llima discovered he was gay.

- Has paint on her clothes, her shoes, her bed, her room in general, her bag, her pokeballs, her pokemon-

- Has only gone to like… one trial captain meeting. Has never been to another one in her life. And she never will.

Dear god. I’ve been working on this for almost a fucking week. Something is wrong with me.

I think

I think i might be tRYING TO MAKE ACTUALLY GOOD HEADCANONS OH NO-

#pokemon #pokemon headcanons #pokemon sun #pokemon moon #pokemon sun and moon #llima #lana #kiawe #mallow #sophocles #acerola #mina

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gotoveritstillloveyou · 3 years

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Aight now its your turn. For fucks sake.

Sorry in advance.

I'll give my self a likely undeserved pat on the back. All the times we fought and the millions of words I've written I never said anything nasty to you or about you. I've never called you disgusting things or shamed your looks or your brain or things you can't change, never degraded you. Go ahead and call me an abuser then think back at all the horrible things your exes and friends and family have said to you, all the threats, all the tricks and insults, making you feel unwanted and bad about yourself. I never did that. I have never not loved you. Never do I truly talk about all the weird and crazy shit you did and all your mistakes. I just talk about the things you did that hurt and betrayed me. Things I knew you could change.. even then I was wrong about 80% or so of that stuff, it was just illusions and misunderstandings. But that's not what thisnis about. You just upset the fuck out of me.

Not worth much but I wanted to point it out before I started. I really don't even know where to start this or what to say.

If I go back to the beginning you might think that's the time where you acted your worse, and it's not. You really didn't hurt me for a long ass time. You were a little crazy and you were a little difficult. That's it. I never gave a shit. You were always loving.

But I guess that is a point to make. I feel so defined by everyone by my bad qualities and my mental illness and outbursts. Bro, you were fucking nuts. We just weren't nuts at the same time and then I get all the fucking blame, I'm the bad one, I'm the weird one. I feel like I'm someone capable of understanding and withstanding a lot and even then I was barely able to navigate your level of psychosis. Your emotions were entirely unhinged and impossible to understand. Every single fucking day was panic attacks, massive mood swings. Just out of fucking nowhere you would either be crying or screaming. Oh I'm so bad I'm so violent huh. Every fucking word you said to me at times was an emotional manipulation leading up to some huge tantrum. You were throwing shit all over the place, breaking shit, cutting yourself.

Any small typical boyfriend girlfriend argument and you would lose your shit. Jesus christ, I put so much effort into it. I put so much effort into calming you done, resolving the problem, convincing you were on my side. But everything I said, if I had a mild problem, if we had a minor spat, and most of all if I refused some demand of yours, you were either screaming or crying, and then you would lock yourself in the bathroom. See, you did the same shit I know I did. You imposed your tantrum upon me. It's like getting attack by a swarm of hornets. But you would go lock yourself in the bathroom and for a moment it was a relief. But then no, I knew you were in there cutting yourself or might kill yourself, and thus I was lured into the second phase of your psychosis, and it would go on for more hours.

Do you not remember this shit? How many times did you storm off and sleep on the couch over nothing? Over not getting your way or me telling you to stop watching videos so I can go to sleep SO I CAN GO TO WORK. How many times did you lock yourself in the bathroom. You can probably remember locking yourself in there a lot because I was yelling at you. That's not how it started. It started as a part of the psychotic nightmare you unleashed in that house when you moved in.

I lived with and tried to help your mental illness for months before me and our life fell apart. I never even fucking write about this. This is the first time I've ever truly written about how fucking crazy you were. I've never told anyone about it. Don't you see how much I love you? Don't you see that I define you by something other than what you and others define you by? Don't you see the blame I've unduly burdened myself with?

We fell in love and wanted to be together, you begged me and begged me to save you from that town, we promised each other how we are gonna be the people that finally treat each other right. And from fucking day ONE you started going back on those promises. You started acting like I had ruined your life by bringing you to live with me. Once your situation changed, you started saying the opposite of what you had said before.

You made me live in this air of dissatisfaction. From day fuckin one dude. This whole story, from the day we met, to the day I write this shit, is me doing everything I can to make you happy. But every problem I solved, you made me feel like shit about it. I brought you to my house and you started being nuts. You wanted to get a house with me and get out of that town. Then a week later you're homesick and so depressed you won't even get out of bed. You told me you wanted to be with me and then every day acted like I had ruined your life. You told me you would trust me and we made pinkie promises and then every day you acted like you didn't trust me or believe my words.

I can't describe how this made me feel. We had fell so hard in love and set out on this journey together. And then for the first 6 months of living together, every day was me living inside of your nightmare. Your emotions just flying all over the fucking place, you were making me feel like I was fucking torturing you. We met up every weekend for months and had fun and you were my girl and I was doing everything for you. Then you moved in with me and cried every fucking day. Every time I tried to cheer you up you just rejected it. Every time I tried to hang out with you, you started a fight.

Your dissatisfaction was Neverending. So ridiculous too. Like you had been sitting in your room all week waiting for me on the weekends, now, you're gonna be sitting in a house where you can do anything, in a town full of stuff to do, and me giving you money if you ask to go do something, except you're just gonna cry every day. Every day im at work working as fast as I can and here comes that text message. Oh what is it today? You're gonna kill yourself? You're gonna cut yourself? You're lonely and I need to come home faster. So every day I work as fast as possible and speed home in my death trap car. Not fast enough. So I start working even harder and taking the toll road so I can go 100mph on the way home after doing a 9 hour day in 7 hours. Not fast enough, and now you have to fuck with me about the tolls every day.

There was a very clear goal as to why you moved in with me.

1. You wanted to get out of that town, you were also bored and being abused in your home

OK so I got us a house. But it's not enough. You don't like it. And you miss your family. You're unhappy and depressed and crying all day.

2. So you could see me in the mornings and evenings, and random days off,, during the week instead of just weekends.

OK so now you hate that I go to work, you fuck with me and start fights with me literally every day while I'm at work, you think I'm at work too long, you threaten to kill yourself if I don't come home, I'm working my ass off to get us ahead while you constantly text me about how I'm not doing enough and how unhappy you are, then I come home tired and you've sat on your ass all day with a car with a full tank of gas and $20-$60 dollars if you asked and I had it, but now I'm home so it's my responsibility to make your day into something, you expected every single day to be like the weekends except I have to fucking work, you refuse to let me be tired and you shame and be mad at me from being tired from work, and I come home to either you crying and catatonic or you jumping down my back about everything I did wrong and all the ways I'm making you unhappy

3. We were spending $400 a weekend to either camp or get a hotel room. That was all the money I had, and you had no money. So we figured why not spend $1000 a month to have a place for ourselves with privacy, and spend the other money on cool stuff or save for our dream

Fucking day one the money was not enough. Our struggle with poverty but also your constant abuse about money started at day one. I was expected to go to work, except you hated when I went to work and fucked with me all day, and then I was supposed to come back with all the money in the world to give you and buy you everything you ever asked for. We signed a 1 year lease and 2 months in you were asking me when I'm buying you a better house.

It disgusts me how you treated my money and things. Every single thing I got for you, the novelty wore off in like a week and it wasn't good enough and you wanted something else. I get that you didn't have money of your own, and while we were truly poor I did withold money from you. I mean there was no point in pretending that money would go to any type of better future so I could've given you more of it. But fuck man. You directly tied your love and happiness to my money. Or, you held me hostage. If I didn't want to put up with a mental breakdown, I had better say yes to anything you ask. It felt like for weeks at a time the only words you spoke to me were for me to buy you something. Of course I said no and started getting mad at every question. You made me feel like all I was was a thing getter. We never talked about Bigfoot, or aliens, or ponies, or anime, or any cool stuff, all I ever heard was all these things you wanted or needed.

I regret what Im about to say because I already doubt that you have the balls to not take it the wrong way.

You bullshitted me about your craziness. You absolutely did not hide your LEVEL of craziness. But you bullshitted me and lured me in. You entrapped me.

See when we first met you straight up told me what your deal was. You also did multiple weird, dramatic, mentally ill things. You had your panic attacks, and self harm. I could see in how you acted how you had been hurt.

But that's not all what it was either. You had all kinds of crazy. But at first, you made it seem like you were just this poor innocent girl. These bad things just keep happening to you for no reason. You needed someone to rescue you. All you were missing was just some love and someone you could trust. You're just this innocent poor little wounded thing.

Whatever part of that may be true is true. But you advertised that. You created a narrative, you put yourself on display.

Then you moved in with me. It wasn't just this girl that was messed up and needed help now. No, I was the TARGET of your mentally ill behavior.

You pretended to be weak and helpless and in need of help. You were super crazy but never directed it at me and never had any form of attack or evilness behind it.

Then, when I was in the trap, when I couldn't just block your number and stop driving out there, you spun it around. Now, you're just toxic, destructive, and hurtful. You have these episodes, but they are all my fault now. You have that same sadness, but now it's all about things I did, things I have no control over, or things you want to guilt me into doing.

I know your soul. I speak with a clear head. I know that you were really really sick and mixed up inside. I know what it's like. But I'm also not fucking stupid, and I'm not blinded anymore. I saw those horrible thoughts and illness and feelings scoop you up so many times. I also saw so many times when there was a clear goal in the way you were acting. Far too often those behaviors were very fucking coincidental, very beneficial too you, very conveniently timed.

You are a snake and a liar. That is just a fact. I don't really think I can go as far to say which, if any of all, things you faked. A lot of it was done out of toxicity that I can't really explain the origins of. A lot of it was done for attention. A lot of it was for manipulation.

So look, I'm not accusing you of shit here, let me let up on you briefly. We both did both of these things. We both have both inside of us. There's that unconscious mental illness, those actual disorders and broken things and fucked up feelings and miswired things inside of us. Then there is that conscious mental illness, things we do intentionally, but they were sprung from disordered thinking. So that's why you did this shit. Most of it. I don't say this as set in stone but I think you did some of this just fully intentionally, fully to get a reaction or to manipulate, fully to serve your own needs, honestly just straight up faking them.

You are powerful. But you apparently thought a little lowly of me. That's the one card I never showed. From the day we met, I saw your bullshit. For the whole relationship, I saw all the times you lied to me. It is, to some degree, idk 70%-90%, disordered thinking from mental illness, and the exact way that abuse victims navigate life and try to control their situation. So it's not like your some evil asshole. If I could have convinced myself of that I wouldn't be writing this. I guess there's a possibility you didn't even know what you were doing, but I'm telling you no lies.

But I saw it all, fucker. And I loved you anyway. You were so used to the way you could manipulate people with your mental illness and your behavior, you were so casual to let a lie cross your lips, you've had so many people in your life wrapped around your finger and held hostage by your special needs and manipulated by the shit you do. I know I stood up to it a lot, but you never stopped doing it, so you must've really thought I wasn't seeing it. I saw it the whole fucking time. I knew every time you were just doing it for attention, or were exaggerating it to serve yourself. And I saw through every lie you told me. I saw through your character. You portay this character of this innocent naive girl, who does it all on accident, who doesn't know any better and can't control it. I saw the real you. Believe me and chew on that for a while. And everytime I saw hints of exaggeration or manipulation, I treated you no different. I gave you the benefit of the doubt even the times I knew you were lying.

You lied to me a lot. I guess I'll just pause here for a minute to say that. I know of a few lies that might have been pretty big, but I can't prove them. But the small lies? The fake stories? I saw them all. You were just used to other people, and a good liar, and you had no idea. I really make myself lesser in all my writing, but don't let it fool you. While I have been humbled, I truly am a beast in a mans world. I literally can't fucking remember far back enough to a time when someone easily lied to me or fooled me. Tricked me maybe, but lied? No. It is one of my skills, and it's a skill I've honed for years. Every day I see people lie to my face. I can't just call out every lie, this is how the world works. But I am unshakable in this, this is not an opinion I have of myself, this is a provable fact. I just laugh it off these days, but I see all the ways people lie, and if it is someone I interact with frequently, I begin to see through their ego and facade and see what they are really hiding. I've lost a lot of myself, and I was crazy for a time there, but I've never lost this, it is instinctual and automatic. As you read on, or read anythingI write, no matter what reality I present, don't waste your time by not accepting this. I always know what's really going on, I'm not easily tricked, and I see every lie, I see through every act.

You manipulated the fuck out of me though, and I let you. You are the most alone person on this world. Half of it is selfishness, and half of it is fear from all the people that have hurt you. It was a constant battle trying to convince you that I'm on the same side as you and you didn't have to play this game with me, for once in your life. So you "manipulated" me, but I was right there for you no matter what.

But that's what it was, manipulation. Manipulation so I would stay with you, do what you want, give you attention. You did it countless times. You also hid your true self and true motives from me, and presented me with a lie.

As far as you being crazy in the beginning, I've talked far too much about it already in this post. As far as your devious bullshit, I'm only starting. But I was trying to make a point. This ain't no God damn story where some perfect pupina was captured by some crazy psycho and abused. We were both nuts. You were nuts as FUCK when you moved in with me. You were acting so fucking wild, such massive swings, delusional behavior, hallucinations, conspiracy theories, being violent and destructive, all kinds of shit. It ain't no story about crazy me.

But I did wanna say how it made me feel. Life wasn't great, but this was before the progress stopped, so it was going bad yet. I had my problems, but I wasn't crazy yet. I was so gentle with you. I was sweet and comforting and tried to understand. I always tried to break through to you and help you. I was firm with you when I needed to be, when you were doing something straight up unacceptable, and I didn't freak out, I was firm. I was trying to help you. Some of these incidents were indeed 2 sided fights and shit. It hurt me man I got upset too. You're not the only person in the world allowed to be upset.

I always dropped what I was doing to be involved in your craziness. Every time you messaged me at work I played into it, either playing into it, fighting it, or trying to fix it. Every time you had some big dramatic episode I was right there inside of it. Every time you had some huge breakdown I was there comforting and helping you work it out and then cheer you up after it.

And it just didn't work. You just kept doing it. It made me feel horrible. I kept it to myself. I can't let your mental problems be about me. It was making me feel like I was not good enough, like I was gonna lose you, I wasn't doing enough. You were always sad about being away from home and I felt like that was my fault. It wasn't all manipulation. Sometimes you were just unhappy and sad and it made me feel so bad. I felt like I was doing everything I could but it wasn't enough. I was being as gentle and open more than I have ever been and you just keep being crazy and it made me feel horrible and felt like I was trapped with this person I loved so much but she won't let me help her and I'm doing everything I can as hard as I can and it wasn't enough.

It was mostly the medicine. First of all you can't just shove medicine into someone and not work through the things wrong with them. Second of all you weren't taking it consistently enough. So all this actually kinda stopped one day. Suddenly you were back to regular. You weren't flying around the house like a banshee anymore, you were swinging back over the place, your panic attacks lessened, your nightmares went away.

Then I feel like after that we had a period of actually confronting your problems and fears and it went pretty good.

But life was fuckin rough man, and I started going downhill.

Where were you for me? I regret saying this because its not your responsibility and there's not much you could have done.

But there's a lot you could have NOT done for fucks sakes.

All through your craziness I was there helping you, trying to convince you I really loved you and you could trust me. Doing everything I could to make you feel better and bring you back down to earth. Trying as hard as I could to figure you out and make it all okay for you.

The fuck did you do when I started slipping? You made it about you. You antagonized, you poked at it. When I started having meltdowns, you started triggering them on purpose. I loved you and never blamed you through your whole crazy period. Just wanted you to feel better and stop. But now that it was my turn, I was this evil guy. I was doing it on purpose and it was all about you. You never helped me, you never tried to calm me down, you always just made it worse. I told you what it was that was upsetting me, and you did it again, over and over again.

I mean Jesus christ. I gave you a fucking road map of how to help me. I went through all that shit with you the first 6 months of our relationship. I comforted you through it, reassured you, helped you talk about it, and you ended up getting a lot better.

When you had a freak out while you still lived in MP, I told you to get in the car and drive to me. I took my last $200 and got us a hotel and pizza. You were like a dead person, catatonic when I got there, covered in cuts, and barely could talk. I comforted you and got you all nice and relaxed and you started to cheer up a little. We even had sex. You had bad nightmares that night but I woke you up and took care of it.

What did you do when I freaked out? Like the first times, before it got really bad.. Either shut down completely, locked yourself in the bathroom, or sat there and yelled at me. You held it over my head the next day.

I used to do this thing to kammy a lot. Where I would just shut down or just lay in bed crying or just refuse to talk. And she actually worried about me. She would kinda be like come on! Get up! And I would refuse. And she would get a little frustrated sometimes. But she would keep trying. I did it because I was feeling bad inside, and I did it to be dramatic and get attention, just like you did. But eventually she would get on top of me or squeeze me or kiss me and finally show that she was really there for me, and I would slowly open up, and then we would talk, and I would feel better.

You did your version of this to me. You had a really bad sad day. Then the next day I came home from work and you were basically catatonic. Just like dead depressed. The next day I went and pawned my gun. A $1000 gun that had saved my life 3 times, my first and most important gun. I pawned it for $300, ended up getting in trouble at work, ended up paying $600 to pay it back, and still lost it, gone forever. But I went and got that $300 dollars. I came home from work, and you literally wouldn't move. You wouldn't respond to me, and you wouldn't talk. You didn't say a single word.

I knew you were feeling really really bad inside. I also knew that you were at the same time putting on an act. I dragged you out of bed and took you to this really nice restaurant. We got a ton of food. I got some food in you and what got you talking was the girls next to us were so annoying. You brightened up. I went and took you to get some toys or something. I don't remember what we did but I spent all the money and just tried really hard for several days to bring you out of that and get you feeling better.

So that thing I did with kammy. When I wasn't feeling good I would close off, and wanted attention. I did that with you I don't know, 50 times. Never. Fucking. Once. Did you do ANYTHING about it. I was feeling sad and overwhelmed and just wanted to show it. And I wanted you to show that you really cared and that you were worried about how I was acting. I wanted you to at least just lay there with me, maybe rub my back or arm, just give me some warmth. Show that you were concerned and wanted to make me feel better. Just do literally fucking anything to show you cared and wanted me to feel happy.

You ignored me every fucking time. Once I even hid under the bed to show that I was really upset and not feeling good and be really dramatic about it. So many times I tried to act sad for attention. Everyone does it, yeah it's bait. Every single time you ignored it. Not a kiss or a huge. Not really even ask if I was okay or if I needed something. Not even selfishly act like sad about it to get my sympathy. Nothing. Just ignored it every fucking time.

I mean literally everyone does this. You're feeling down and unloved and try to show it. And the person you're showing it to is supposed to come say hey are you okay? You're acting weird? Please talk to me? I love you? Nah. Not a God damn thing. I drove fucking 200 miles to come help you when you were feeling down, I spent money I didn't have, I held you through hours of tears. I couldn't get a fucking hug or a scrap of attention. For years, living with a borderline sociopath, I would get some love and attention when I was feeling bad, I would go lay in bed and refuse to talk or sit there looking and acting sad, and she would try to see what's wrong. Every time I ever did that when I was with you, I laid there until I cried myself to fucking sleep. The moment never came. Waking up the next day after that was as good as dying.

This is all before the change by the way. This is just us before everything got bad. But the situation we were in got longer, it stopped improving, it started getting worse. You honestly started being more hurtful once you stopped being so crazy. That was the point where you straight up started causing problems and fucking with me and being stubborn and shit. But yeah, I returned it, I started going really crazy and being mean too.

But that's the thing. You got a lot better and we got a little more settled in to our shitty life and got more comfortable with each other. Your moods stopped swinging and you stopped be unpredictable.

Before I go on I still just don't think I really said how it made me feel when you were crazy all the time. I loved you and I was there for you for anything and I never wanted to lose you. But you were unpredictable, always having some crazy problem, always doing some absolutely crazy shit. It was all in my heart, that's what I'm getting at I guess. I had so much sympathy for you and was trying to help so much, and I saw your pain and sickness. But it was a lot dude. It was terrifying. I loved you and just wanted to hang out and be best friends but you were unpredictable, always seemed like you were gonna do something really crazy, always thought I would come home to find you had killed yourself, you threatened to do it all the time, you refused to talk to me, it felt like you were fucking with me and it was all my fault and I was so horrible and I couldn't help you. Idk man it was really fucking hard and scary. I just did my best to try to help and I always wanted to be with you and we ended up getting through it and it made me really happy. It just pulled my emotions all over the place non stop and scared me and upset me all the time.

But yeah we got past that part. But you just kept being a fucker. You just kept fucking with me. And now it wasn't about illness, or your past abuse, it wasn't a scared little innocent girl, it wasn't acting out for attention because you needed to be shown love. Nah. You were just being a brat, a bitch, an asshole, just saying shit that hurt me straight on, just directly manipulating me, no weirdness or nuance to it anymore, nope just deliberate.

Also, you defined yourself as a BPD. You didn't identify as someone who had BPD and was struggling to fight it and live her life. No, you identified as a walking embodiment of BPD itself. Every action you did was explained by it, the whole way you saw the world was BPD. It was partially munchausen, you were trained by psychologists and abusers to see yourself this way, and see yourself as broken and needs to be medicated. I gave you love and strength to see otherwise. But still, that's how you saw everything at first, and let yourself off the hook for everything.

And, for fucks sake. You told me you didn't love me and that you're just a BPD girl. You told me I was just your Favorite Person now and I was just your everything now. We had this romantic as fuck love story and we legit fell in love, that wasn't in my head and you were an active participant. But then one day you said the other version, not that we met and had adventures and fell in love, but that I randomly encountered some BPD abomination and now I was a part of your BPD and that's why you put thought and effort into me. Not that you love me, but because you're a BPD. Imagine how the fuck it made me feel to listen to that absolute horseshit.

You are the most selfish and self centered person I've ever met. You literally regularly said, it's my world and you're all just living in it. And you just barely said it like a joke. Someone said that to tease you about your personality one day, and you said but damn you right tho, and you adopted that as you're motto and way of life.

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talkativelock · 6 years

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#10 with tododeku? ;v; todoroki as the popular kid who has been pining for a nerdy midoriya for a while already? thank u so much!! im so thrilled everytime u release more writing! ♥ have a great day!!

10. high school popular kid/nerd au for tododeku (aaaaa I’m thrilled every time someone loves my writing. Thank you so much my friend. I hope you enjoy this~)

Shouto is not comfortable with this.

“I’m not comfortable with this,” he tells Momo.

“Relax,” she replies. “You want him to notice you, right? I guarantee this will do the trick.”

Shouto looks down at himself. His bare chest is fairly well defined and he has at least a four pack with the ghost of the remaining two. A life of athletics will do that, Shouto supposes, even if after being a three sport varsity athlete for his entire high school career somehow Midoriya Izuku still doesn’t know his name. Everyone knows his name, especially after the whole Bakugou incident which earned Shouto the only detention he’s ever had in his life and the most terrifying evening with his father since he was little. Even after that, which skyrocketed his already popular name to high school fame, Midoriya Izuku didn’t seem to know that he existed. Hence the current scheme.

Graduation will be here before they know it. Shouto has an athletic scholarship to one of the top ivy league universities, just as his father always wanted, and Midoriya Izuku will go off to who knows where to be beautiful and smart somewhere else and Shouto will probably never see him again. Once summer break is over there will only be a few months until all focus moves towards final exams. He has seven months to make Midoriya Izuku notice him before he loses his chance for good. He’s willing to try a lot of things but this seems… excessive.

“I’m not sure this is the best way to go about this.”

“The best way to catch someone’s attention is to show them how attractive you are without clothes on,” Momo says.

“You just couldn’t find someone else to be in the dunk tank,” Shouto despairs.

Momo flicks her pony tail over her shoulder. “I’m sure I could have found someone but I thought you would love the chance to show off for Midoriya and finally make him notice you.”

Shouto looks down at himself again and sighs. Here goes nothing.

“Fine.”

Momo hops a little on the balls of her feet. “This is going to be amazing. We’re going to make so much money.”

“Is this about getting Midoriya to notice me or fundraising?” Shouto asks.

“Why can’t it be about both?”

“You’re the worst,” he says without any heat in his voice.

“Love you too,” Momo replies. “Now go get ‘em.”

Shouto sighs and climbs into the tank, sitting carefully on the drop board. There’s a line of people already waiting to throw baseballs at the target in the hopes of dunking Shouto into water that Momo promises isn’t too terribly cold. Shouto smiles hesitantly at the first person up, a blushing first year he doesn’t recognize, and she throws the ball. She misses. Shouto breathes a sigh of relief. Rinse, repeat.

He keeps an eye out for Midoriya at the fair through the slightly warped walls of the tank. It’s hard to see through the crowd and he wants to make sure that he’s paying attention to the throws so that he’ll be prepared to be dunked. Multitasking isn’t too difficult, that is until he spots Midoriya.

Curly green hair, a tanned face filled with freckles, a sweet smile and quiet little laugh that Shouto can’t hear through the plastic walls of his prison and the chatter of the crowd but he can imagine easily enough. Midoriya walks with his friend Iida, bypassing the line for the tank as if they don’t see it. Midoriya’s eyes are on where he’s going, sweeping the crowd like he’s on the lookout for someone, and it’s on one of those sweeps that he meets Shouto’s eyes. It barely lasts a second but it takes Shouto’s breath away. Green, so green and wide and beautiful, even from this distance through the plastic.

He’s completely unprepared for the board he’s sitting on to drop out from under him, submerging him in cold water. He pushes himself up, coughing, and shakes the water out of his hair. Somewhere he hears squealing. Momo pokes her head through the entrance to the tank.

“You okay in there?”

Shouto looks around to see that Midoriya is gone. He didn’t stop to watch or even notice Shouto beyond a courtesy glance.

“I need a break.”

“It’s only been ten minutes.”

“Please, Momo.”

With a sigh Momo waves him over. He climbs out of the tank and Momo circles around to the front to tell everyone that the tank will be closing for a short period of time, much to everyone’s disappointment. Shouto doesn’t care, he just grabs a fluffy towel and heads into the classroom that they’re backed up to so that he can get out of the sun.

Shouto feels stupid. The entire plan was doomed from the start. Shouto sits down heavily in one of the classroom chairs and covers his head with his towel. He closes his eyes and breathes. He doesn’t know how long he sits there but the sound of the door opening makes him pull the towel off his head and sit up.

“Momo, I don’t-” Shouto cuts himself off when he sees who it is. He thought it was Momo, trying to convince him to go back out there, but it’s not. Midoriya Izuku stares at him from the interior doorway. He came in through the hall.

“Uh,” Midoriya says, swallowing hard. His face has turned a little pink. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Shouto feels tongue tied but he swallows that and tries to relax, act natural, not blow this. “It’s fine.”

“Are you, um, okay?” Midoriya asks hesitantly.

“I’m,” Shouto hesitates but he doesn’t know what to say so he just says, “fine.”

“Okay, well I’ll leave you to it,” Midoriya says, turning.

“No,” Shouto says, a little desperately. He’s blowing this because he’s an idiot.

Midoriya freezes, half turned away but still looking at Shouto. He’s red faced now. “Okay?”

“I mean,” Shouto breathes out to steady himself, “you could stay. If you wanted to.”

Midoriya blinks at him. “Oh. Okay.”

Shouto nods even though he’s not sure what he’s nodding for. “Okay.”

Midoriya turns back to him. “I’m Midoriya Izuku, by the way.”

“I know,” Shouto says and then curses himself because he’s literally the stupidest person alive. Midoriya goes a little green around the edges, which is an interesting effect since his face is still red.

“I haven’t upset you, have I?” Midoriya asks.

“No,” Shouto says and then he says nothing because it’s less embarrassing than admitting that he watches the way Midoriya smiles at lunch and has been to every science competition since their high school careers started just to see what Midoriya came up with.

“Okay,” Midoriya says slowly.

“I’m Todoroki Shouto,” Shouto says, praying that Midoriya will deem it important enough to remember.

Midoriya’s face gets a little redder. “I know.”

Shouto blinks. “You… what?”

“Well, I mean, everyone knows who you are. You’re like…” Midoriya trails off and then makes a vague hand gesture at Shouto’s person. Shouto looks down and realizes that he’s still shirtless and that he never really dried off his chest. There are beads of cold water clinging to him and when Shouto looks back up at Midoriya he catches Midoriya staring at them. The red on Midoriya’s face gets dark enough that Shouto’s starting to worry about him. “You��re very popular,” Midoriya finishes with a squeak.

“Oh,” Shouto says, wondering if he owes Momo an expensive gift now. Her plan worked. Well, sort of. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Midoriya says, still obviously embarrassed. “You’re so welcome. Excuse me, I have to go. Be somewhere else. That’s not here.”

“What?” Shouto asks but Midoriya has already fled.

Shouto sits alone in an empty classroom in a far better mood than before because, as it turns out, Midoriya Izuku knows exactly who he is and if Shouto isn’t misreading things Midoriya Izuku thinks he’s hot. That’s definitely worth getting dunked in public.

I’m currently filling prompts from this list~!

If you enjoy my work consider donating to my lock spends more time writing fund.

#lock writes fic #tododeku #my hero academia #otp: bones and other fragile things #this ended up a bit long i think #oh well #Anonymous

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maximuswolf · 3 years

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I fucking hate this country! And i want to get the fuck out. via /r/Anarchism

I fucking hate this country! And i want to get the fuck out.

Too much to talk about, but a lot of it comes down to the highly ignorant and self destructive masses which loves giving power roles to specific people, the criminal government which turned out to be as destructive and nasty as Nazi Germany, and i'm sorry but i'm starting to get tired of the massive abundance of right wing talking points and politics in this country, it's too fucking disgusting for me, or the fact that WE ARE RIPPING THE PLANET APART TO MAINTAIN A NEVER ENDING GROWING PROFIT MARGIN! These motherfuckers could have 100 trillion billion AND THE ENTIRE SOLAR SYSTEM'S RESOURCES and they still wouldn't be satisfied and give us the bare minimum of existence.

This is not what i wanted to say i'm just on overload. I honestly want to make a custom camper van with a gaming rig inside, and just drive off to never be seen again, to never be bothered again by these worthless powerless and stupid peasants who are a major disappointment to our gifted and capable minds. I thought Donald Trump calling Joe Biden a communist wouldn't land and now not only have i ended up in random arguments with right wingers claiming he is a fucking communist, but also the leader of the entire country called him something completely false, or even socialist.

At this point why even bother? Why the hell am i forced to live with stupid people who would rather use the internet to hurt others instead of using it to solve problems. And the fear the right wing has made it possible for our government to spy and steal all of our metadata because they are easy to manipulate with fear especially to the unknown. They are a 1 trick pony. Seeing the leadership on the right and democrats(center right) is disgusting. They are all catering to them because they are weak minded individuals who are easy to corrupt or fool which is why you have people like Joe Biden trying to reach out to them instead of his own base because anything to the left of them undermines them and their power. Leaders being selected by the suicidal ignorant masses to lead me?! Fuck that! I'm fucking done and tired, nothing will change, it's powerless peasant vs powerless peasants right where they want them, and i dont want to play this stupid rigged game anymore im fucking tired, and i'm tired of being abused by not only the government/corporations/healthcare/slumlords(landlords), but i'm also getting tired of the fucking right.

Believe it or not, but i have plenty of far right wing friends who are either closet racist or full blown out racists/white supremacist AND MANY OF THEM ARE AMERICAN. What a way to spit on our predecessors grave or the people who died fighting Nazis so that they can try to assimilate Nazi speech into freedom of speech.

There is no saving this vile world that we are trapped in like a goldfish in an ignorant child's bowl.

My living requirements are simple. A custom camper van with a gaming rig and TV inside, Solar panels, generator, bed, tiny kitchen inside, get a cheap global gym membership to take showers and use the toilet (i'll also use outside). I just don't know though because i need some st_pid ass insurance or whatever. Just simply fucking living requires that i get extorted or assfucked for money. I fucking hate it. And the world force is toxic as hell. I've been working since i graduated from high school until 2018. Been an dunkin donuts/baskin robbins(i worked 2 jobs in 1 for $8/hour and we went from 18 employees down to 5 with no extra pay to compensate us), EMT, CNA, AMAZON FACILITIES(YES IT'S A FUCKING HELLHOLE ESPECIALLY WHEN I WORKED IN A MINORITY NEIGHBORHOOD WITH HALF THE FANS NOT FUCKING WORKING AT ALL!), GAS STATION, MCDONALDS, GROCERY STORE( PEA POD DELIVERY and this job was horrible i'll explain if someone wants me too) AND THEY ALL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU AND ABUSE YOU WHILE PAYING YOU WAGES THAT CANT OR BARELY AFFORD A 1 ROOM APARTMENT IN A SHITTY NEIGHBORHOOD!

I'm fucking done, i hate this shit, i hate this world, i cant do this until i'm over fucking 80 working everyday and slaving away to not even have enough fucking money for pandemic, and our tax money being spent on blowing up potatoe farmers or bailing out the rich who crash the economy/world/environment.

I feel like i'm going insane and i can feel my brain palpating. I dont want any part in this shit, and since i dont want to participate i'll eventually end up in the forged concrete jungle which was intentionally made to be as horrible as possible to give people a reason to show up to their shitty jobs and accept all the garbage pay with no benefits while the rich make epic proportions of wealth that the world has never seen before. And if i get cancer from breathing in our bought and owned polluted corporate air I HAVE TO PAY FOR THE HEALTHCARE AND DEAL WITH IT!

I'm done with this shit, all i wanna do is live in the woods or a custom made camper van and not have to deal with this shit. I'd hunt but it's illegal! All the land is fucking bought up too, where the fuck does that leave me or people who weren't born with a gold plated diamond studded spoon with rare emeralds which has been handcrafted by the best professional spoon maker in the fucking universe. And then they take that spoon and dig out your eyeballs and brain so that you cant see or think, our education system is a huge heaping mess of pathetic garbage which is only there to mentally condition students like farm animals.

Thats what humans are doing right now! Turning the base of humans into a farm animal which cannot think for itself and is FED GARBAGE LIKE AN ANIMAL AND LIVES LIKE ONE IN THEIR CAGED HOMES. Being conscious and aware and forced to live in this by a government which has the power to bring prosperity and real good change is a living nightmare and it only makes me see them as worse as the Nazis, i spit on the American flag and wipe my ass with the bible. They talk about Jesus all the damn time day in and out, but then turn out to be the most intolerant and suicidally ignorant people with a death cult that even Noam Chomsky described as the most destructive in the history of mankind. And i do believe right wing ideology is inherently destructive and nasty, and only real fucking idi0ts follow it. The fact that the supposed "democrats" (they are just republican lite) are following in the same path is disgusting and shows YOU HAVE NO CHOICE! They would rather spend 20 years, shooting over 17k bombs in 1 country alone, have its people to die in wars which they cannot explain, and handing over everything including our fundamental life forces to the rich. We are all owned, and the right wing wants it to stay that way against your will. Left wingers have problems too, but they are nowhere as dangerous or concerning as right wing. Maybe censorship(although the right does a ton of that too), but that's pretty much it. I don't wanna live with these fucking death cult rejects who think life is only about working to death for some other man. Having thousands or millions of people working to near death for 1 man to enjoy all the power and fruits of labor and then to use the money you helped generate to lobby and fuck you and your descents over BECAUSE IT'S NEVER ENOUGH, IT'S NEVER FUCKING ENOUGH!

Submitted October 30, 2020 at 02:47AM by judeau7 via reddit https://ift.tt/34GDmoR

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