#I FEEL SO ALIVE???

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

#cw: suicidal ideation #cw: suicide #cw: self harm #cw: mental health #cw: depression #i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it #i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague #it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves #so. please dont #for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic #with the state of the world as it is #having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful #but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full #and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead #i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us #there is no fix-all #and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile #i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it #thank you for reading #and please stay alive #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

[ruporas]

dragon meat, you, and me

#marcille donato #falin touden #farcille #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #tw blood #tw body horror #tw gore #as a normal farcille fan this revival has been on my mind since i first read it and getting to watch it is like yippee!! #like messy revivals are everything - the consequences that will haunt u for the rest of the time they are alive #the initial hopeful moments where it all seemed well but quickly descend to That not being the case - losing not only the bit of evidence #evidence that your dream may work out but also someone you deeply care about in the process… marcille my Beloved #ofc wholly thruout the journey - at the forefront of it - getting falin back was the most crucial point but so wuickly :(( it was lost #on the other end its crazy to think about the compoments of falin now - human - dragon (dungeon) - marcille’s magic and desperation #the food the crew cooked (digested) - she is made of many parts!! #also i did not realize how medical it feels to draw smth like this. i dont usually explore the inner parts or use a lot of blood #in my work so rendering everything and looking up refs it felt quite magical (?) #ruporas art

[pokimoko]

I can't keep being fundamentally changed as a person by animated movies, it's just not sustainable.

#animation #animated film #animated movies #across the spiderverse #across the spider-verse #spiderverse #puss in boots #puss in boots the last wish #puss in boots 2 #nimona #nimona film #yes i'm posting this specifically because i just watched nimona and am feeling all kinds of things but really these are all PEAK TIER #the fact they have ALL been released within 7 months of each other...like...woah we are thriving right now #stylised animation with its own unique style reflecting the movie i love you forever kissing you on the mouth #films that make me ferally rip up any and all art blocks to shreds #and that's just the animation side of things #i won't get started on the plots. they also make me want to bounce off of walls #hugging all these close to my chest #as well as all the other great animated movies that exist because animation wins all catergories for me always #(let's not forget anime movies either; y'all are beautiful too! keeping 2d animation alive and i'm so here for it)

[clarisse-doodles]

inspired by this post, in which Damian does not know what Vine is

#sorry this was funnier in my head #but after i read that post I COULD NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT #gen z batkids is the most Cursed thing i've read today and i love it #at first i had so many Thoughts about how my brain CANNOT reconcile tim as anything but a 90s kid but then i read that line about damian and #i feel like they'd mess with him sometimes by randomly quoting memes in unison #almost started to overthink how in This Particular Timeline jason might have missed out on this meme because he was Not Alive #but for the purposes of this silly joke i choose to believe dates are irrelevant #that is all thank you #clarisse doodles #batfam #damian wayne #dick grayson #jason todd

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

#mental health #mental health support #positivity #if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them! #i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all.. #...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in... #...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air... #...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life... #...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with... #...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it... #...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it #i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive #unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better

[madamemiz]

sad: falling out of a hyperfixation

tragic: watching your beloved friends and mutuals fall out of the hyperfixation while you're still in it

#oughhhhhhh #this is about the dca fandom but also about every other strong fixation ive had over the years lol #i know it's normal and inevitable esp for less popular works or minor characters with little canon content #and there's nothing wrong with smaller communities of course those rock #but there’s just something special about getting into something at the same time as a lot of other people all at once #and existing in this chaotic fandom space that's just bursting with creativity and passion #i've been in fandom spaces for as long as some of you have been alive and i've only come across that sort of unbridled joy like #a handful of times at best #it's just a heartbreaking feeling to see real lightning in a jar fandoms like that wither away as people drift away #(understandably so!) #anyway don't mind me i'm just having thoughts #musing about fandoms past as well #that i too eventually moved on from but remember fondly even if im not active in anymore #also my music just aint hitting right so im just sitting in silence which makes me more Contemplative(tm)

[mobius-m-mobius]

Lokius in Loki 2x01 - "Ouroboros"

#mobius #loki #lokius #mcuedit #marveledit #lokiedit #loki spoilers #owen wilson #tom hiddleston #oh we're eating SO well!??? like being in a fever dream 🥺💖 #y'all i've NEVER seen two people touch as much or often as they did in this ep or coincidentally had as much fun watching anything #they put their missions on hold for each other could've died saving each other never wanted to let each other go in case more went wrong #it is episode ONE 😳😳 #also it really took me like a year to figure out my s1 coloring only to have this much fun w/ s2 after a couple hours lmao #feel more alive than i have in ages 😅 #marvel #owenwilsonedit #loki s2 spoilers #dianagifs

[jasperyourmutt]

I love being a FREAK OF NATURE. i love being a QUEER. i love being a FAGGOT. i love being a SEX FREAK. i love being a DOG FAG. i love being TRANSGENDER. i love being SO NORMAL <333333

#i love you t4t tumblr you all make me feel so normal #hate being surrounded by cis het ppl 90% of my day #also Hi my brain meds are working now and I love being alive ☺️ #jasperbarks #:3 #ftm puppy #t4t puppy #puppy sub #bark bark bark

[relatablepicturesoffinnmertens]

THEY ARE FRIENDS

#THEY BOTH HAVE SOOOO MANY PROBLEMS BUT THEY ARE FRIENDS <3 #i love their dynamic so much #i cant wait for next week this show has been fantastic so far #also i love how alive the at fandom feels right now... even when the show ended i dont remember seeing this many people excited for at #it's nice :') #adventure time #atimers #fionna and cake #also simon #fnc series #fionna and cake spoilers

[plasticsandwich]

knock you up

#milk #nudity #haiii hawwoooo..... im alive #relatively #i couldve finished this like a month ago #but i just kept getting worse mskdmfskdfs #feeling better now though!!! so #yippeeeeee #i think i wanted to do something else with this but i forgot #i like how it ended up regardless

[bytebun]

my piece for @thecodywanzine! thanks to the mods who let me go completely ham and cheese on this bad boy. this one's about living longer than you ever expected and not knowing what to do with it

#they're having a leftover sale with free shipping if you want a ridiculous amount of art and merch for an insanely low price #codywan #commander cody #obi-wan kenobi #star wars #comics #codywan zine #i went kinda nuts with the sun symbolism on this one. even i feel like its hamfisted but like listen am i not going to self-indulge #if not in a shipping zine piece then where #hope and love and the sun and etc can be an. omelette. spanish omelette specifically. that you share with your fambly #food cw #its also about looking at your best friend over a table and going. i lvoe you. i love you. i want to spend the rest of my life with you #i want to see the future with you. im so glad we're both alive even though i thought we'd both be dead by now #bytebun draws #lets not talk about the way there is zero consistency in my art style. <3

[carrotkicks]

don't get lost, stranger

#don't worry he's alive (>ω^) #doodles #chuuya #stormbringer #i was streaming the entirety of Cannons:Fever Dream while drawing this today and yesterday #not really an explaination for why he looks BEAT UP but it's context for the color vibes #whenever i'm feeling down i child abuse 16 chuuya. it's ok he's not real #(╥﹏╥) #wouaughh rendering is so hard i SUCK #.png

[transmasccofee]

saikis the most unreliable narrator ive seen. he’ll spend his whole day makimg sure people arent potentially being wronged, carry an actual plane for his classmates, risk his own life and privacy for some street magician he does not know, generally go to insane lengths to help others when he really has no obligation to, and then the whole time will be like “its not like i want to help, i just don’t like being in debt to people, im a very cold and selfish guy”

#saiki k #i feel like ive made a post similar to this before. this thought process happens everytime i rewatch the anime. #guys will be like “im so selfish and i hate everyone” and then proceed to be the kindest and most selfless people alive like boy

[cheruib]

life has not forgotten you (it holds you in its hand)

#yes it’s me and the Rilke quote again but oh god I feel so infinitely grateful to be alive these days. life is so magical #moodboard #if ur sad

[mielplante]

hotwings kissing to cope with the latest mha chapters ah-ah

#my art #fanart #mha #bnha #dabi #touya #todoroki #hawks #kagami #keigo #au #fluff #i read mha 390 and i dont feel so good #dabihawks #hotwings #touya x keigo #dabi x keigo #illustration #i want them to be ALIVE AND HAPPY #horikoshi sensei pls #they deserve that

[insignificantfailure]

im so fucking useless

#all I do is consume without contributing anything to society #i feel so guilty for eating breathing taking up space buying things producing trash wasting people's time and energy #literally my existence has no meaning #why am i alive #literally w.o.r.t.h.l.e.s.s. #tw depressive #tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #depressing shit #sorry for being depressing #im exhausted #i hate everything #i hate my self #more than anyone else #i dread having to exist #self h@te #i'm sad #mentally tired #vent #venting #personal