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#I JUST NEED TO FIND A QUOTE ABOUT PHONIES THAT I CAN TALK ABOUT
asukastylescenalynch · 4 months
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I'm tired of this & since I can't defend myself on twitter cuz everyone even people I've never engaged with jumps on me like a pack of disease ridden fucking animals I'm gonna do it here. all of this happened because of you m*nika, c*roline, n*na, & s*lvia way back then. we were all friends until m & c decided it would be fun to start bullying me out of nowhere. I got tired of how you treated me & your disgusting attitudes & toxic behavior so I told you to fuck off & you didn't like it. n joined in simply because she's a fucking lunatic & s didn't like her ex best friend sided with me (which she did cuz s was being an insufferable bitch) I made several new accounts trying to escape you, blocking all of you & you still found ways to harass me. then out of nowhere b*gum had a problem with me, who for some reason got pissed off when I blocked her after she blocked me first. & even all of her accounts I know of blocked she still managed to some how quote my posts relentlessly harassing me. st*phanie & l*sa I simply just don't like & find annoying & sickeningly phony, so I blocked them too. all this time I have never said anything to about any of you, I kept all of you blocked & just ignored you, & minded my own business. now this whole new thing started cuz this bitch j*ss or whatever blocked me & instead of just simply blocking me & leaving it at that she felt the need to make a post badmouthing me when I never did anything & here we are again full circle with you cunts bothering me. you guys can never just fucking leave me alone when I have left you alone, you are constantly talking about me behind my back lying about me acting like I started it when I literally did nothing. you just can't shut the fuck up about me & instead of keeping it amongst yourselves you sic your followers on me to bombard me with insults when they don't even know me, only the lies you all told them. & that's the truth. I'm not gonna let you continue to blame me, I don't start shit. & as always you will continue to believe you did nothing wrong. if I recall a lot of you had shitty relationships with your parents so no wonder you all act the way you do when you have families who hate you or just don't like you. you are all so fucking psychotic I've never been so disgusted. there is something seriously wrong with all of you & I hope for the absolute worst for you all.
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mineofilms · 2 years
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quam quod sumus
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“People having an uninformed opinion about something they don't understand and proclaiming their opinion as being equally valid as FACTS is what is ruining the world… No one wants to do any research… They just want to be right…” ~Sciencephile the AI
For those who do not know, “Sciencephile the AI” is a YouTube channel where the speaker is meant to be an AI that has a science-based YouTube channel. The AI talks in a tone as if it were a sarcastic asshole of a human intelligence. It’s a parody channel, but they do post about real science topics. It is always told from the point of view of the fictional AI character, Sciencephile, and it is funny as hell.
The rest of this is more or less my lack of understanding as to why people crave either attention or have that sort of an attitude/mindset towards their social media. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my 100th career blog on this topic, but this is exactly why I write these. To sort out things and thoughts that do not jump off the page at me. Rather than walking through life faking it to make it in that understanding I choose to try to make sense of it all.
In this case some have disguised their opinion about “whatever subject matter” as experience, but really it is just an opinion. Sure, experience creeps into the subject matter here and there. However, how much objective experience can you receive when said person suffers from extreme depression and other mental health aspects that do not get treated, because they hide them well or planted whatever, “they’re an alpha” flag in the ground and do not recognize/identify the problem lies within themselves? Some see this as mental health. Some see it as pure narcissism, which of itself, narcissism could be thought of as a mental illness all its own.
Just because someone is doing well in life on the outside doesn’t mean they are doing well in life. More times than not you see the extreme opposite play out.
I know that sounds a little vague, but people today in this country are more mentally messed up than we all will lead on. We all believe ourselves to be more than what we are. My point of view is that I tend to take a lot of the emotional value out of things. Specifically in and from people I actually know. I have had my expectations in life, love, friends, business and a passion for these things so stepped on over the years that I sometimes show a lack of empathy towards other people and their grievances. Even more so in people I know in real life.
Some I would call friends and others are unlucky passersbys in life that are too busy talking about everything, but mostly saying nothing of worth. For all their talk all I feel the message is -is incredibly superficial, yet they “tend” to get angry at other superficial people the way they will talk about their morning routine like a current day influencer would. Talk about life choices and moral high ground as if it were a honey almond body scrub; the way they describe daily mantra routines is much the same. Throwing out quotes, out of context and not even know where/who/what the quote is even about, but yet throw it out there like it is a valuable lesson they daily live by and needs to let their audience know that, usually in some condescending way.  
Hey… I do it to. I just try to know what the FK I am posting and talking about. I attempt to be much deeper about it. Find a deeper meaning in it over just being another generic voice with an attitude about this or that. No real metaphor for my life as I tend to be more literal than metaphor. I see this on TikTok now a lot. It is either this kind of fake/phony trash bag talk or fake money shark loan people lol. They talk and talk……and talk. Monologues/Reaction videos from other two-step flow-theory practitioners, what other thinkers say and regurgitate the thinker’s beliefs as their own original ideas without even looking into the validity of said concepts.
The best places to get reservations, which salons to visit, where they got this dress or swimsuit. Where they purchase their bodybuilding supplements, etc. Their constant obsession with being seen in the right places, with the right clothes, with the right people. Their constant need to be better than everyone while seething rage gets posted under the context of self-love, self-awareness and moral high ground, over simple things such as feelings about where our culture is heading and relationships or their lack of.
While this seems so much that it is both oddly entrenching and entertaining AF, but also incredibly shallow. Their world is one where simply copying what everyone else does on social media (influencer mentality) with an inflated belief in themselves based on nothing concrete other than their belief of it is much more important than the chatter from their mate planning their wedding or what to do for the weekend with their partner.
Their desperate cry to be positive ends up just being a shallow self-serving attempt to be normal when they have yet to accept that they are not the norm. That isn’t always a bad thing, even here. This whole blog was an afterthought after I saw a “WTF happen to this movie” video about the 2000 film, “American Psycho.” I really need to sit through that movie again and I am highly considering listening to the audiobook version down the road once I finish some other stuff I want to hear first. There were a string of films that really talk about societal change in the negative around the turn of the century. Fight Club, American Psycho, Rules of Attraction. There are a bunch of them. I feel like they hold up pretty good 20-something years later and all. Probably even more so now than they were then. Fight Club was 1999. American Psycho was 2000. We are talking 2 decades and some change ago now.
The point I am trying to make here is; I just do not see enough creativity in these efforts by others, especially on social media. Mostly, I am directly talking about people I know somewhat personally that I have been friends with over the years and I have watched them descend into a sort of controlled madness on their social media. There have been times when even I consider this for myself. Am I contributing to this and at what level am I doing this at? All along with what I am doing to correct it and/or understand it better.
If I was closer to these people I would probably have different feelings about the logistics of their efforts and where they are coming from. How severe their mental health is, which I know is at play here with most of them. I post these thoughts in places where they all would have to make an effort to see them. So I do not worry about that; nor even if they did take offense to it. It is my opinion, on my platform, which is both mine and not theirs. I never mention names/accounts and I am also including myself and my short comings into the conversation as well. No one knows, but me and them (if they were to make the effort to see/read those comments and have some insight about their own lives.)
I mean what are the odds that I would see their TikTok rants the morning after I saw the video on American Psycho the night before and to make the correlation between the 2 different types of direct media and their messages that are presented and not associated together directly? I do not wanna catch too much, “Mineo, WTH are you talking about” heat? So what I am trying to say is; aren’t you all just as tired as I am? Seeing people you actually know contribute to the influencer mentality of life, moral high ground, superficial talk? Words are said but the concepts seem extremely vague and narcissistic. I get it. I should probably remove Meta services and TikTok to get these things out of my area of perception. Hey, I get all that. It is a little hard for me because of what I got going on inside these services at the moment.
The best efforts I have made is just let sleeping dogs lie. “Let Sleeping Dogs Lie” can be associated with change. The thing about change is, it sucks, it’s uncomfortable, it’s painful AF and it’s HARD. Even with all the good intentions, others may not share that. They have their own intentions. Be it to love or be loved, to live and let live or live alone with nothing. Change is never easily embraced. Change is always these things. If you can accept change you have already begun moving forward.
The levels of toxicity people tend to project onto others via their own social media these days really has made me pull away from being social with people in the real world that I already know. Their posts make me not wanna follow them or even support their endeavors anymore be it professional or personal. I have disconnected from them and their mentality of trying to be the superior moral high ground alpha person in the room. I see this in both sexes. This isn’t just towards dudes I know or ladies for that matter. I want to help, I want to be there for others in my circle that now appears to have been blindly accepted upon. I am very limited and even more limited with patience/faith in other people. They simply never do what they say they are gonna do. Ever… Not some of the time or once in a blue moon, but all of the time. They never complete what they set out to do or at the very least make that transparent enough to not question or not if that person is firing on all cylinders.
Having faith in people and that faith transitioning to expectations held on other people. The expectation has to be based on something other than wishful thinking. It has to be built upon. With real tangible things. Like action. Action is real truth. If someone says they are coming over and they don't show up. What was said and what was actually done are not one in the same. The expectation must be built upon from action. What we do... Not say, but do, matters… That is why I say people never do what they say they are gonna do. Because they say, but what they do are not even close to the same thing in most cases.
“It is what we know already that often prevents us from learning.” ~Claude Bernard; because everyone already knows everything already and they need no more education, insight or perspective. They believe themselves to be master. The thing about mastery of anything is no one is ever the master. Always the student and never the master should be the perspective, but it hardly ever is.
I am trying to have more INTENTIONALITY in my life or (to be about, represent, stand for, or be directed towards some object or state of affairs). Intention isn’t enough if one does nothing about it and that is where my crossed roads end. If one seeks change and does nothing to make said change happen then nothing will happen and nothing will change. If someone goes on TikTok and tells the world they are right about this/that and we all have it wrong then I guess what is seen, what is shown and what is actually projected never are the same things or even closely associated together. Yet, that is what is expected of us. To simply comply, agree and obey…
OBEY…
My advice to people like this is stop talking about it or projecting it onto other people because you want it to be real so bad, but lack any of the actual attributes to make it real and tangible. Stop changing the rules of the game and get better at playing the game. The question of your existence isn't solely about what you are. It is about who you are. Lead by example, lead by action, which is the only real truth out there.
I ask, don’t you get tired of having to cycle through your friends every few years, because they drop you because of this “better than you influencer of moral high ground mentality?” Going on social media and complain about that and tell everyone how wrong we all are and how correct you promote yourself to be. Is it an accident people leave you? That people around you leave you high and dry, which now seems like it is a constant theme in your life? Take that WOKE stick out of your ASS and grow the Fuck Up… If you want respect from others for your moral high ground, walk the walk. It isn’t an update status. It isn’t a fad. It isn’t a reaction video on TikTok. It isn’t something you can copy from someone else’s social media and post as your own original thoughts.
You Have To Be This Yourself.
No matter how many LIKES, HEARTS, ReTweets you get will not make you more than what you are right now. You want these things. Then suffer alone and quietly like all the others that came before you and picked themselves up and discovered what you are trying to discover now. PEACE… You have to endure unmet expectations. Lots of them… Here is a thought, don’t have any expectations at all. Be prepared, you may walk alone for a long while before the serenity of that peace finds you…
Nobody wants to be with or around a NARCISSIST…
  quam quod sumus Latin for (more than what we are) By David-Angelo Mineo 2,340 Words 8/21/2022
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patruchilles · 4 years
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I JUST REALISED I HAVE TO SUBMIT MY ESSAY DRAFT FOR THE CITR TOMORROW AND I CAN’T FIND A QUOTE ABOUT AUTHENTICITY/SUPERFICIALITY AND I’M SKIMMING THROUGH MY CHAPTER ANALYSIS AND I AM PANICKING
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nightswithkookmin · 3 years
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RE: JUNGKOOK CHANGED IN RUN
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Anon:
Why did Jungkook not want to be on Jimin's team in the last run episode? He has changed a lot from before. Thoughts.
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My first thought is, you don't gotta interpret everything in a negative light.
Not every strong reaction is a bad reaction.
I'd be a phony ass fraud if I sat here and told you with my two thumbs that I didn't raise a brow at that moment. I did.
Especially when you contrast that episode with run 112 which falls on all fours with this current situation- ok may not all fours.
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But in that video, like many others, RM had suggested they form teams based on the sunglasses they wore, just as he had suggested they form teams based on the seating arrangements.
Of course he'd meant it as a Joke just as we discussed in a previous blog post. Personally, I expected they make a draw, rock papers or even dance in circles like they did in the other episode to decide who got who in the competition.
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But it seems in all the times he's been paired with JM he's been supper thrilled about it. He even warned the members not to underestimate him and JM when they'd unanimously concluded they were the disadvantaged team in the game- Jin not even bothering to ask them what their scores were on Korean.
He reset the timer to 10 seconds when Jk pointed out he wasn't good at reading fast
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When the time stopped and they were asked to make a team of four, he turned to find JM almost immediately as if to make sure JM was part of the four, he held on to his arm to prevent RM from breaking the link.
He was supposed to pair with Yoongi and Jimin with Tae but he didn't even try to find Suga. At least V did try to find Jimin. He moved towards JM and when he realized JK was hugging him he went for Suga.
Throughout the episode he was giving JM tips on how to cheat and shot when he wasn't sure of the answers.
Yet in the last run, he didn't seem as enthusiastic about being paired with JM- or so, he'd have us believe. Smirk.
He ain't slick. Lol.
To me he seemed, on the surface of it, either really salty about the others having Jin or RM on their teams or upon reflection, just plain ass overcompensating for something.
I'd go with the later.
It's similar to how, Jimin got the Sauna card and he'd complained about not liking the Sauna but then swapped cards with Tae so he could be on JM's team.
Or how he'd make a theatrical show of wanting to win a competition but smirk satisfactorily to himself when he loses.
I really don't think it's a big deal.
Personally, I love watching them paired up and doing such activities. It's a great way to see how they work together as partners and as a team.
It's also a great way for them to spend time with eachother, enjoy eachother, nurture their bond and strengthen their relationship.
Fanservice or not, scripted or not, you cannot deny that spending time together doing activities together is good for building a relationship.
They spend a considerable about of time together off cameras but a lot of their time is spent on cameras and at work.
They gotta find a way to make their relationship work on the work as I keep saying. All that 'fanservice' people say they are doing? That's them making it work. They gotta find a way to go on dates, feed eachother, hold each other's hands, tell Jokes, laugh at eachother's jokes, express their attraction for each other, flirt, share eachother's interests and do things couples do without inviting public scrutiny to their every interaction and invasion of their privacy.
So where they see an opportunity they go for it. For JK it's the the little decisions he makes on their behalf like choosing where they will sleep, what activities they can do together, wanting the bigger room, making sure JM wins the presidential suite, or choosing a room detached from the other rooms.
He invests in his relationship the best way he can. Same goes for Jimin.
I keep saying this whole fanservice culture is a win win situation for them- for even any queer idol couple in the same band.
What seem like a challenge could technically be an opportunity for a date for them without dispatch breathing down their necks.
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A typical example would be this. Jimin said he wanted to go get Yoga with the others but ended up going with YoonKook on their brewery excursion.
The more time they spend together, on and off cameras the more closer they get and the more they get to know eachother on a deeper level.
But you have to bare in mind, they need their personal spaces too in order for their relationship to function properly.
Jimin used can be very needy in his relationship but for the most part he enjoys his independence too.
Jk has always had a strong sense of independence but he can equally be quote needy and over attached once he is in a relationship- especially when things are going great for him.
Spending time apart, persuing personal goals and interest is good for them.
If it helps, think of moments when they hang around eachother as Jikook dates and when they hang quietly in the background of videos do think of those as them having their me times at work...
Would they miss an opportunity to 'date' or hang privately with eachother? I don't think so.
It's in their dicks interests and the interest of whole production team and crew to allow them to be around eachother as often and as much as they want and can.
I for one, I'm not prepared to sit through yet another excruciating episode of Jungkook wanting Jimin- physically and emotionally. I'm still dealing with the PTSD from the last BonV four episodes.
Y'all buy me Ko-fi please. I don't intend to sit through that shit sober.
If Jk is pushing to be on JM's team and what not it's mostly because he feels he needs to spend more time with him. If he's not pushing for that it just means he or they are both allowing for space and room in their relationship for eachother to pursue other activities and interests or even connect with other members- unless of course they are having relationship problems which I don't think is the case.
Jimin is particularly good at this.
He goes out of his way to nurture his relationship with the others even on set.
He does this especially with Tae.
He'd take Tae to go see places he and JK had already been to, he'd request to take pirate rides with Tae- even though JK is available and won't hesitate to let him know, he often make plans involving Tae or even the others- in Soop when Tae asked him to go ride around the town with him he chose to stay and manspread on Jin and Yoongi. *I'm cackling. Lmho.
Jimin is a funny guy.
Now does this mean he doesn't like spending time with Tae or that he's changed? Hell no.
Hell, Tae does the same thing from time to time too. I mean when he found out he had picked a Sauna card he asked to swap it knowing very well Jimin had picked that card too. Soulmates coulda soulmated that shit in hot piles of steamy.
Sure JK lurks around sometimes. He is the resident intruder stepping on Jimin's other ships' neck. Love him for this. Lol.
Perfect Disney villian.
Tae had to drag his ass away from the kitchen for intruding when he and JM were cooking in the Kitchen. Let's not talk about him physically removing him from JM's car or all the times he's complained about JK raining on his Vmin agenda.
When V wanted to be on a team with JM this man literally sabotaged him, hugging Jimin first. It's his laughter afterwards for me. Lmho.
V needs to insure his Jimin cos at this point it's trademark infringement. Hashtag soulmates. Lololol.
Jk needs to go ahead and free Vmin.
But JM does this too, in much more subtle ways- I'll never forget the look he had on his face when he had to get off the bus and walk home as punishment. It was the most heart breaking thing I ever seen.
Then he had to hang off Hobi to get JK to leave his friends and come to him.
It's why I used an ellipsis the last time I talked about Jimin being very mature now. Old Jimin would have, clapped back, made JK pay for that outburst if he genuinely thought JK meant what he said or believed JK really wanted to be on a team with someone else.
Y'all don't see him when JK compliments other people? He stays kicking his feet under the table🤣🤣🤣🤣
I used to pinch a gurl I liked when other gals talked to her when I was little- In my defense, I didn't even know I liked her or that it was straight up abuse💀
Jimin can be pretty scary and petty when he's mad or offended.
If it helps you sleep at might, think of this moment as just another one of those 'we've been a unit for so long do you wanna be with someone else now' scene from February last year.
Jk answered yes when JM asked him that. But do you really think he meant it?
Jikook is complex, not complicated.
They love eachother.
We can't be looking at their interactions as either or. Grey areas exist and it's not a negative thing.
Signed,
GOLDY
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blueunoia · 3 years
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❤ ──── ·․ under watchful eyes
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━━━   SYNOPSIS: the reader and arvin try to have some fun by the lake but find themselves under judgmental eyes. 
━━━  WARNINGS: semi-smut, dirty talk, heavy petting, fingering, oral (female receiving), public sex, Teagardin is a peeping tom, threats of violence, sexual harassment, harassment in general, and religious (Christianity) themes.
━━━  NOTES: No spoilers for the movie, fem reader. Arvin is by no means perfect, he is clearly traumatized from his childhood which causes anger issues at least and very mentally ill at worst. He did bad things in the movie and violence shouldn’t be used as an answer and I am not condoning his actions. I find the character interesting and I like so I wrote something but I am acknowledging his flaws. 
━━━  WORD COUNT: 2,410
━━━  PART(S): part two
✦·․  ──── ❤ ──── ·․·✦·․·✦·․ ──── ❤ ──── ·․·✦·․·✦·․  ❤ ․·✦·․·✦·․· ──── ❤ ──── ·․·✦·․·✦·․ ──── ❤ ────  ․·✦
       Arvin’s hands felt hot on your skin as he gripped your waist. The moonlight was shining through the window as he looks at your perfect breast. It was cold and dark outside, but inside his car; it was warm with foggy windows and both of you out of your breath from how much little air you had gotten in between kisses. You sat on top of his lap straddling him as your hands comb through his hair “Arvin...” you breathe with a smile on your face “Are you just going to look?”
        He can’t help but smile at your teasing voice, his eyes coming up to meet yours “I’m sorry, doll, you just look so good,” he says. You giggle and bring your swollen lips to his. His hands glide down the sides of your hiked up skirt and one dip onto your inner thigh, he brushes his fingers against your damp panties making you moan into his mouth. He pulls back a teasing smirk on his lips “Your so wet babydoll, you need me to touch you? All you gotta do is ask.”
        You brush your lips against his “Please baby, touch me? I need you...” almost immediately he flips you over onto your back and you squeal. Arvin lets out a laugh too as he breathlessly lay on top of you, his lips kiss your neck and he slides your skirt off of your legs playfully tossing it out the one cracked window. 
        You and Arvin don’t notice the sleek, grey car outside and the pastor watching you from afar. 
        “Hey!” you say shoving him slightly “That better not be dirty,” you pout. Arvin shakes his head and kisses down your neck to your stomach, it’s awkward but all he’s focused on is getting a taste of your delicious pussy. 
        He looks up at you when he presses a finger on your clit, the pressure making you moan “You were sayin’?” you glare, but it comes dull as your eyes beg for him to touch you more. Arvin pulls you down slightly so his mouth can better reach your cunt, and he delves his tongue into your folds. Your hands find his hair again pulling at the strand as he licks at you tasting your juices. Arvin has your legs over his shoulders and your feet press against the ceiling as your back arches at the pleasure. 
        Arvin removes one of his hands off of your hip, holding you up with his one, bringing the hand to your cunt and sliding in a finger. “Oh!” you moan making Arvin chuckle the vibrations hit your clitoris as he moves his lips to suck on your bud. He sucks and kisses your clit as he pumps his finger in and out, sliding another one inside of you. Arvin curls them up to reach that spot and you whine his name. You can feel the knot tightening inside of you as Arvin doesn’t relent, but it’s all ruined when a loud bang outside the car door makes both of you jump. Before you can turn your head to see what it is Arvin throws his jacket that was lying on the car floor over you. 
        “What the fuck?” he curses and glares out to the window. Finally seeing who it was, you cover yourself even more than your eyes, Reverend Teagardin. Arvin opens the door tossing you your blouse as he does “What the hell gives you the right to come to peek on us?” you can practically hear him stopping towards the reverend. 
        “Don’t swear at me boy!” he says angrily “I wasn’t peeking! The two of you did your sinful act out here, and I have to put a stop to it. The lord does not approve of this. Imagine what your parents would say, your grandmother would roll over in embarrassment,” the words came out like venom of the reverend's mouth, his eyes kept going back to you that frantically tried to remember where your skirt was. Bending down and picking it up “You looking for this girl?” he holds up your skirt as you nod hesitantly “You ought to be ashamed. Out here in public not only for the lord’s eyes to see but everyone else. Your mother raised you better than this-”
        “Don’t you try to sermon her!” Arvin growled “Your the adult man here terrorizing-”
        “Terrorizing? You listen here, boy...” their arguing faded out as you grabbed your skirt and hastily put it on. You could feel tears threatening to spill out at the humiliations as the thoughts in your head stirred until they were interrupted when you saw Arvin shove Reverend Teagardin. 
        “Don’t fucking say that about her! I’ll knock you on your ass I don’t care if you are a pastor.” 
        Quickly climbing out of the car, you ran around and grabbed Arvin's arm before he challenged the reverend, who was quickly coming back to fight back. “Arvin, let’s just go,” you begged.
        “Y/N get in the car,” he growled “I ain’t going to let this phony talk about you like your some kind of who-”
        “Please,”  you whispered, “I just want to go,” your voice trembled and Arvin turned to look at you. The anger in his face immediately fell when he saw your upset face. With a nod, he gently grabbed your arm to bring you back to the car and opening the door for you. Ignoring the threats coming from the reverend, Arvin got in the car and sped away. One of his hand sat on the skin of your leg starting off stroking your skin as to soothe you but as you calmed, his anger came back and he gripped you harshly. 
        Looking at him you could see his jaw was clutched completely, his lips pursed, and the skin on his knuckles had turned white from his grip on the steering wheel. You put a hand on his arm “Arvin, pull over.” He did so without a word and turned the key so that the car didn’t run. After sitting in silence for a few more minutes you spoke up again “Can we please talk?” 
        Arvin turned to meet your gaze and run a hand over his face before clearing his throat “Are you okay?” his voice was hoarse. 
        “Yeah, I’m okay,” you say with a small smile “Are you?”
        He scoffs “I wanna go back in kick his teeth in,” Arvin says through his teeth “But,” he looks at you “I won’t. I gotta get you home, don’t I?”
        You nod but stop him when he goes to start the car again instead of moving over to lay your head on his chest. “We’re already in trouble, might as well come up with a plan on what we’re gonna do when Reverend Teagardin tells my parents and your grandma about what we were doing,” you say holding onto his shirt “Or what we’re gonna do when everyone at school finds out.”          Arvin strokes your hair "Whatever happens, we got each other and you know I ain’t gonna let anyone run their mouth off to you. Including Teagardin," he looks down at you "I love you."         You nod with a smile "I love you too." After a few moments, the two of you separate and Arvin starts the car again, driving you home. He lets you keep his jack to fend off the cold and while he watches you walk up the hill to your door, he prays for the right time to come. 
        The next morning when you walk down the stairs dreading the fact you have to go to church, you wince when you see the harsh gaze of your mother. Her lips are pursed, and she breathes in her cigarette, tapping her foot, before puffing out smoke "Do you have any guesses on who called the house this morning?"         "Grandma?" you say hopefully.         Slapping her hand against the counter she comes towards you "Don't play dumb with me! Do you know what kind of mouthful I just got from Reverend Teagardin about those - those depraved acts with that Russell boy? You should be ashamed of this. Just a couple days here and what does he think of us? He thinks we raised some floozy!"         "Mom!" you screech "Arvin and I have been together for over a year what we do isn't any of yours or his business!"         "But it's the lords!" she says "And you know what he thinks about girls like that. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? And that Russell boy, you ain't seeing him anymore! You never would've done this before him, and I ain't going to let him corrupt you any more than he already has."         "He's my boyfriend you can't just-"         "No backtalk young lady. Now go get dressed for church. You're gonna pray harder than you ever have and after this, you're gonna apologize to Reverend Teagardin about your actions."
        Arvin's morning had gone no better. The reverend had called his house too and told his grandma all about what he was doing to you and how he tried to fight him, along with all the cursing. Grandma woke him up by throwing him out of the bed, and one thing led to another. The fight went from sinful behavior to him spouting - and I quote - "blasphemy". The car ride was silent. Arvin looked for you once he and his family arrived for church and frowned when he saw your mom glare at him before dragging you into the building. Reverend Teagardin standing by the door, watching. He ignored him as he walked into the church earrings a swat from his grandma. You gave him a small smile when he came in which he returned, not that you got to see it with your mom lecturing you in a quiet voice. 
        After everyone came in Reverend Teagardin came in to begin his sermon. He cleared his throat "Today, I wanted to talk about something that is plaguing society. Especially the youngins," he started "Eve in the garden. Noah, naked, the sinful acts that the devil makes tempt us. The acts that bring shame onto our families," he looks at you and Arvin. Arvin's gaze locked onto you as he watched you uncomfortably grab at your sleeves and shift in your sit. He felt the anger rise in him by the moment as the reverend kept talking. The reverend looked over the crowd "We mustn't fall to temptation regardless of what we think it is. It's all delusions. Some girl gets a feeling for a fella and lets him have her holy gift," Teagardin looks at you "And once we fall to sin. There isn't a way to come back unless we cleanse our bodies of it all. And only one thing can do it: the lord's love."         Arvin's foot tapped against the ground as the crowd cheers him, but you sit, hands sweaty and your gaze on the ground. He knows that your upset and he wants nothing more to walk over there and grab you, let you know that he was full of shit, that you had nothing to be ashamed about. But he couldn't. And when the service was finally over, your mom pulls you over to the reverend and his grandma grabbed his arm to stop him from going over. 
        "You have to take your sister to school and when it's done, you take her to the cemetery - and you stay in the car - and then you come straight home."
        Lenora practically had to pull Arvin out of the church as he was forced to leave you behind. The last thing he saw being the reverend hand being put on your back before he led you to the back of the church. Ready to consult you for your sins.         It was colder in Teagardins office. You clutched onto your cardigan as you sat down, his intent gaze staring through you. He sat up "Y/N, why don't we start simple?" he asked quietly. Leaning forward he gave you a reassuring smile "How long have you and that Russell boy been going out?"         "A little over a year," you say anxiously.         "That's a long time for someone as young as you. You know, teenage boys can be very demanding and I just want you to know-"         "That's not how it happened!" your tone sounds forced as you've tired from saying this "Why is it that everyone seems to think I'm some kind of victim in this? I wanted to have sex last night, Reverend. That was my choice. It wasn't just Arvin," you say fast as the reverend looks at you with no expression.          He leans back in his chair "When did the two of you start having sex?" he asks bluntly.         Looking anywhere but him you stutter out "A few months into our relationship, maybe. I don't know..."         "What did you do first?" he asks "Has he used your mouth before? Had his way with your body completely?"         Feeling practically naked under his gaze you squirm in your seat "Yes - I mean - I guess... I don't want to have this conversation," you try to stand up from your seat but he stands up and grabs you arm.          "You have to repent, your mother wants you too and I can help you," Reverend Teagardin says one of his hands go onto your leg "You have to show yourself to the Lord, Y/N, show yourself," his hand journeys up underneath your dress and you gasp. Pulling your arm away and running towards the door he grabs at you again.         "Get off of me!" you pull away heading outside. Ignoring the pleas of your mother you run as fast as you can trying to get away from the church. Your heart beats furiously and you don't know how far you run but the church is no longer in sight. Walking down the road you realize where you are, your back at the lake. You remember why you and Arvin picked this spot. He always said it helped him when he was deep in thought. So you go and you sit there thinking about what had just happened and then you heard a car. The rumbling of its engine and you can tell it's coming this way so you run off again, hiding behind the tree and peeking out. 
        Who could it be?
✦·․  ──── ❤ ──── ·․·✦·․·✦·․ ──── ❤ ──── ·․·✦·․·✦·․  ❤ ․·✦·․·✦·․· ──── ❤ ──── ·․·✦·․·✦·․ ──── ❤ ────  ․·✦
There is definitely a lot of grammatical errors in this but I’m happy with how it turned out, which for one, was pretty fucking long. Anyway, I watched TDATT and I just loved the performances and I love Tom Hollands character. I left it on a little cliffhanger there too. I don’t know, I wrote this in a couple hours so maybe I’ll do a part two.
Don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment!
━━━  MASTERLIST
355 notes · View notes
rpmemesbyarat · 3 years
Conversation
DISNEY'S "GARGOYLES" SEASON 2 QUOTES RP MEME
Why do you read that stuff?
I like a man who brings me weapons.
Nice wake up call.
We won't have to find them. They'll find us.
Revenge, as they say, is a sucker's game.
I'll settle for tearing this jerk IN HALF!
Want to see me use both hands?
That's no way to treat a lady!
That was no lady.
Thanks for saving my bacon before it got fried.
Look, just promise you'll call if there's trouble.
Go ahead, try something!
I'd love to do that again!
That wasn't a tranquilizer dart.
It was loaded with a mutagenic formula!
You don't know anything about her!
Why are you stomping on my friend here?
I was particularly proud of my death scene.
You never let me drive.
The important thing is, you're alive.
Are you sure this is a good idea?
Something's not right here.
Then you leave us no choice!
How are we supposed to find them?
Please, I beg you, be quiet.
This isn't a good idea.
I'm best qualified to go.
My memories are clouded.
Why should I trust you?
If you can't trust me, then trust your heart.
Why do you fight me, my love?
We are destined to be together for all eternity.
I will choose who I love!
Now we'll see what this creature looks like up close.
Why stare at marks on a page when you can rent the video?
Well, I can't read and I don't think I'm missing anything.
Harrier jets! They can take off and land like helicopters. When your life's this exciting, who needs books?
Are you all right?
I had a little trouble.
This beach isn't safe after dark.
Do you need a doctor?
Come on in. I've got a fire going.
There's little I can offer in return, except my thanks.
You understand, I don't get any real pleasure from this. Well you've got courage, beastie. I'll give you that.
Funny, something about your voice made me think you were a soldier, once.
You were there.
I'm old, but I'm not that old.
I'm glad you came back.
I'm afraid I can't stay, but I think I left something on the terrace this morning.
Have you come across a large canister?
The name sounded phony.
I do know him, but he's not a friend!
A magic book?
They're worthless. No magic at all.
The written word is all that stands between memory and oblivion.
Without books as our anchors, we are cast adrift, neither teaching nor learning.
Books are lighthouses erected in the dark sea of time.
Is this how you welcome all your guests?
They have a sense of humor. You have none.
Yeah, I know, you're as relieved I am that everything's back to normal.
Wouldn't it be great to be a shapeshifter?
Well, let's just get this over with, shall we?
How can I be of service, hmm?
Out with it. I haven't got all night.
I'm sure you'll fit right in.
What is it you really want?
This just might be fun after all.
I thought everyone knew this.
Shapeshifters, elves, fairies, you mean they're real?
You mean, you thought I was ugly?
I want you to get rid of the humans. ALL of them.
Does this look like Aladdin's lamp? I have limits, after all.
Humans love a battle hearty.
I'll never get the hang of jumping off rooftops.
I'll always be there to catch you.
Do it, and you win your freedom.
It will be my pleasure. But afterwards, I'm going to need a very long nap.
There. You're free.
The sun, it's glorious! I never thought that it could feel so good.
I'm sorry about the bomb. But it proves how dangerous this case is.
When someone messes with your partner, you're supposed to do something about it.
You still haven't learned that crime doesn't pay.
A trade?
Let's just say, I don't trust you with it.
So, now you know my weakness.
Only you would regard love as a weakness.
A momentary lapse, I assure you.
Halloween! Tonight is the night!
Come on. I've wanted to stroll down a city street with you for a long time.
Marry me.
Are you serious?
We're genetically compatible, highly intelligent, and have the same goals.
You could've been hurt. I should've been with you.
Oh-well, spilt milk. Let's move on to plan B.
Don't listen to him. It's a trick! He couldn't tell the truth if his life depended on it!
Even if what you say is true, why should I help her?
Because you know what it means to lose some you love.
Not a good night for you.
You can't believe anything he says.
If someone like him can love, perhaps there is some hope for this world.
Take this as token of my love.
Upon this I pledge my heart to you forever.
Why do you need all this?
I wanted it, so I took it.
It's so unlike you to attack first.
I simply invited you here to talk.
Our past encounters have not inspired me to trust you.
It's crazy to even consider going!
I'm not interested in reminiscing!
Have you no respect for anything?
Believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
I will never be like you!
I do not wish to hurt you.
I do not wish to be you!
What am I to do?
Do nothing.
Do not worry.
Live in the moment.
Attend the petty angers and jealousies that fill your heart.
Fortify yourself with love and trust.
Fulfill the vows of love you make, for they can surely save you.
Time travel's funny that way.
Get away from me, you sentimental fool.
It's a pretty good likeness.
You know more than you're letting on.
T'was your handiwork.
very life is precious.
Take care not to become what you fight against.
Vengeance begets only a further cycle of more vengeance.
Do you want vengeance or a solution?
This is bigger than either of us has ever faced.
We'll have to work together to stop her.
Truce?
You are the cause of all this.
Humans will learn to respect you.
I would rather they fear me.
What are you doing to help?
That's one way to settle an argument.
I thought I'd rid myself of you long ago
You've forgotten about me.
You're too late. You can't save them. No one can!
I'm not here for them. I'm here for you.
I want it over between us!
I wear this as a reminder of your treachery.
Let's not start that again. You blame me, I blame you. Aren't you tired of talking about it?
I'm not here to talk.
Killing me will gain you nothing but your own death.
Death is never the answer. Life is.
I'm just so tired
Your thirst for vengeance has only created more sorrow.
I offer you one last opportunity for forgiveness and mercy.
I merely offer a sample of what you planned for me.
You have learned nothing.
I will still have my revenge!
What do we do with them?
You come in handy now and then.
I'm quite glad the plan worked.
I'm no hero, I just do my job, and my job for tonight is over.
All I want to do is hit the sack.
Why would you want to hit a sack?
How long was I out?
Even shadows must be true to their shade.
We don't need to wait for sunset.
Is it supposed to hurt that much?
Just get on with it.
Recognize the woman?
She seemed familiar, but I just couldn't place her.
You're getting real good at bypassing alarms
Don't give me credit.
It was too easy!
Maybe misery loves company.
If you're human, then you're subject to human laws.
Either way I win!
I fear no human!
There are forces at war within me.
I will return some day, if I can.
You sound like every human employee I ever fired!
Crush all of them together and you couldn't squeeze one iota of personal integrity from the lot!
No excuses, creature!
Learn to take responsibility for your own actions! And STOP whining!
Oh, I am trembling in my chair.
You believe I am not responsible. Yet I remain your prisoner?
Who said you're not responsible?
It doesn't matter that you were tricked, you know now that your actions inflicted grievous damage. Do you take responsibility for them or not?
Well, what are you going to do?
You seem distracted, having second thoughts?
We'll celebrate over breakfast.
No more excuses. I accept full responsibility for my actions. I was wrong.
Integrity is never easy. It's a daily struggle, a costly struggle.
I know I owe you a great debt for the mistake I made a year ago.
If the text wasn't new to me, it was at least worth revisiting.
All I know is I'm about to be wiped out!
It doesn't have to be that way.
I can break these chains. But only you can get me past the bars.
Automatons know nothing of betrayal or honor. They know only what they're programmed to know.
Only living beings possess the ability to change, and make new choices.
You've given me much to consider.
We are friends.
I'd rather not have your death on my conscience
You'll never reach the bridge!
You have two minutes until impact, one minute before I detonate.
I don't want any innocents hurt!
If it goes down, I'm going down with it.
I knew you wouldn't let me down.
Yes, well, you have that effect on people.
I built this company for you!
I'd probably give it to you, if you'd just stand up and ask me for it honestly!
Asking for it wouldn't be any fun at all.
'Fun' is still more important to you than honor. I can't understand that.
Well, maybe you'll have better luck relating to the next generation.
You should've heard him laugh.
Made my hair stand on end, if I had any.
Surely you know I am not in the habit of playing childish pranks or laughing maniacally in the dark.
Do you even know how to laugh maniacally?
Don't tempt me.
Typical. You do and do and do for them, and what happens? They twist the knife in you!
I think I've created a monster.
Have you ever considered the bounties of genetic engineering?
Or maybe cybernetics is more your style?
Save the horror show for Halloween.
I'm sure tired of taking punishment, and I'd love to be able to give some back
That's the source of the trouble.
I hope you not planning to eat your catch.
Now that I'm in charge, I'm not taking any more of your cracks!
You're barely our species!
I'm in charge, here!
I find him very attractive.
Well, that's sicker than usual.
I'm a partner in a freak show!
I should'a figured it was crazy to stick with this crew
And if you play it smart, there'll be plenty of lettuce for everyone!
I should get my own cable TV show.
Oh, me and my big mouth.
It is the cure! It has to be!
Of course it's the cure! You must trust me!
It was you all along! I trusted you!
You turned me into a monster and I defended you!
I'm sorry it had to turn out this way.
You always overplay your hand
Tell me something' Why me?
You're old, and getting older.
I thought you might even appreciate the opportunity.
Growing old terrifies you, doesn't it?
Nothing terrifies me, because nothing is beyond my ability to change.
True immortality isn't about living forever, man; it's about what you do with the time you have.
When all your scheming's done, what will be your legacy
You're still alive! It's a miracle!
Boy, the city sure is different when it snows.
Not a bad life, all things considered.
There is a cure. There must be!
You can't keep me in here forever!
I'll get out! Do you hear? I'll get out!
About time you came back.
Why did you kidnap me? What do you want of me?
See, it wasn't as hard as you made it sound.
Ah, you wish to be immortal.
If the procedure is successful, I'll release you.
This is just a sculpture's model. The real thing is life sized, and lifelike.
What's in this for you?
Service is its own reward.
I wouldn't even know where to start looking.
You may as well be of some use to me.
Open this cage, and I'll show you how 'useless' I am.
It's hard to top that.
What you seek demands a heavy price.
Death and old age have their price as well. And it's too expensive for me.
Without your sword, you're helpless.
Swordless? Maybe. Helpless? NEVER!
What you choose to do with your life is your own affair, as long as it's got nothing to do with me.
You're just full of surprises.
No, let him go. He's earned it.
I wish it hadn't turned out this way.
I was so close to finding out if the legend was true. Now there's no one to test it on.
Throw down your weapon!
Is this a whole city of fools and lawless ruffians?
I'm the law here, pal!
You are a guardian, like myself.
I will submit to your law.
You are learning.
It will take some time.
Prepare to do battle!
I have no fight with you.
What is this, merit badge test night?
Oh well, better make sure it's an uneven fight.
The weak are to be protected, not exploited.
Aaah, who died and made you king?
If you don't know anything, why were you shooting at us?
Do I really need an excuse to have a good time in my own home?
They say a man's home is his castle, and what fun would a castle be without a dungeon?
If it gets any more saccharine in there, I'm going to put a finger down my throat.
I'd sure like to know how you got here, but I'm programmed to shoot first and ask questions later.
I demand a favor.
Death is always pointless. That is the point.
I demand reparation! My son was cruelly and unfairly taken from me!
Death is the ultimate fairness. Rich and poor, young and old - all are equal in death.
Our planet cannot support so many lives at once.
I apologize for any trouble I caused in my efforts to reclaim it.
It seems I'm out of practice dealing directly with mortals.
It seems I am unaccustomed to dealing with a god
We have all gained rare enlightenment this night
Mmmm, what a peculiar sight.
Now, that's odd.
Do you often go wandering about at night, young lady?
My dear, are you saying you don't remember your own name?
I can't seem to remember anything. I feel lucky I know how to talk.
How did I end up in the middle of the Pacific?
I guess I could use a ride
I thought you looked familiar. We've met before.
Do you know what a scroll is?
Get your claws off me!
You might want to reconsider your request.
We're gonna die!
I will not let anything harm you.
You win. I'll behave.
I cannot believe you pulled the trigger on me.
Just shut up and land.
I just don't remember! I'm not even sure I want to remember!
I understand your words, I simply do not believe them.
You have been long expected.
This trough is filled with acid. In about ten minutes its going to do a very nasty job on that soil carving, not to mention your rugged good looks.
It's my first real stab at clichéd villainy. How am I doing?
How are you doing this? No machine can hold me!
I should sue you for trademark infringement.
I've always considered myself a trickster at heart.
History cannot be changed.
You will not win!
What are you going to do? Bite my kneecaps off?
I know from experience the transforming power of a child's love.
The future is not written yet.
I have a sunny disposition and I'm always kind to animals
I've always respected you as a fellow inmate
He's a fool, but he may be useful.
I can work with that!
Now, now! That's your friends' genetic make-up you're insulting.
You are master now?
I should've known. But why this subterfuge?
Hey, I live for subterfuge!
I do not want escape, I want vengeance!
There's no such thing as "a little" vengeance.
No catches. No tricks. No strings.
So, things have come full circle.
You know how I feel about you, right?
62 notes · View notes
gammacousin · 3 years
Text
Okay. I’m ready to real talk Black Widow. I don’t want to but as an activist there’s an obligation I have to share and educate. I nerd to forget but I suppose it shows the power of this movie if it brings something real into the light.
*Spoiler Warning. Trigger warning for everything.*
There are some things I want to say that could potentially spoil aspect of the Black Widow film. I also would advise you to skip this post if you have a darker past, if you aren’t interested in getting serious, or wish to skim by, I’m sincerely not judging! I come on here to avoid the universe as well. You do you, I totally still love you if you don’t read this and want to move onto something nerdy or more fun. This isn’t the post for you.
It’s taken me a while to process and organize my thoughts. Skip if you don’t want to hear deep, raw stories.
3
2
Okay. Nerd review first.
The level of girl power and any and all glass ceilings… There is SO much left to do. So much that needs to still be addressed. But seeing 3 women run this show: Yelena, Natasha, and Melina was an absolute joy to observe. This isn’t the end of some hard waged war, it’s the beginning and I beg you; Disney/Marvel. Please give us more of this? It’s so important for young girls to see other girls kicking butt and winning. Quick summary of nerd feelings; Losing Nat still burns. Yelena is a boss.
Okay…Real talk.
I have to get a little deeper here now. My personal story absolutely played into how I felt about this film and I wish I saw some trigger warnings about the material covered. Do I know Black Window’s story? Yes. In and out. I can read it, I can write my FF on it. However. Little to no one knows my story and so absolutely no one is to blame for not warning me. I was not expecting to come out this shook.
I’m sharing this because it’s happening now, today. In the real world. I doubt the film makers had this mind over other social issues, but after feeling like it’s irrelevant, that my pain is somehow less than, I’m realizing through my activism it’s not.
I grew up in a cult where women are not relevant. You matter up to a point. You are useful, to a point. If you’re giving 24/7, you’re not giving enough. If you’re not smiling as you’re doing cult stuff, you’re complacent. In addition to why I’m about to share, my house growing up was not a safe space which is a story for another time. So it’s a stack…this janga-ish game that eventually just comes crashing down.
My trigger started moments after the film started the handing over of the kids. When Alexei chooses the job over the welfare of the girls. Alexei put his two “daughters” in danger to save ‘face’. To put the job ahead of two children…it hit home. In the group I’m from, fathers, mothers, grandparents, siblings will absolutely choose the group over blood. You are nothing and you mean nothing if you ‘defect’. If you break a rule. If you complain. If you say ‘no’. If you put in a bad review for a leader, if you have anything bad at all to say about the organization as a whole. You can confide something deep in someone you trust and it absolutely will come back to hurt you.
The title song shook me completely. This collage of video and images of brainwashing, treating these girls like absolute objects is disgusting in itself. But when you’re raised in this other world, there’s a level of brainwashing that is absolutely unmatched. Videos, books, quizzes, 12 hour lectures, weekly meetings.
People are unified to the point where you lose your own identity. There’s a language- a literally language- words you start to misuse. Verbiage only people in the cult use. Kids of any age will watch any rated film. Frequently the themes are about obedience and or cooperation and the consequences if you do not cooperate/obey. Death is a such a common theme that either you become petrified of your own shadow, petrified of breathing wrong, or turn completely numb. In sharing these videos, the goal is to instill this fear that you will never be enough. That you will die- turn into a charred hot dog of a figure if you do not obey 8 white men - the leaders, in New York. That your friends, classmates, neighbors, family will die if they don’t believe what you do. That you’re held accountable if you can’t bring them to your side.
The song for the credits hit me. I cannot listen to it. I have no idea what it was about.
When I watched the film, I couldn’t focus at this point at gosh barely 15 minutes in. I had already checked out. I heard keywords. “Entertainers,” “I feel stupid and contagious…”
In my world, I did not matter. What mattered was, what was presented to the public. To your group. Meeting some checklist of this perfect family at any cost. You’re not an individual, you’re a number. Literally. Your records are documented by men in the back room- your actions, your track record. But ultimately? You’re part of a numeral equation reported to headquarters. And if you’re a woman, you do not have a say in how you look, dress, act or in what you say. You are as the title song says, …“Entertainers”. You smile. You do your job, and you are ‘happy’ about it. Your job is to dedicate x amount of hours cleaning the room you gather in, and in recruitment of other members…
There’s a ‘job’ in the cult called a “pioneer”. Okay. No, we might not have been trained assassins. But you are trained to manipulate emotionally. To prey on the weak. You get books, magazines, movies, speeches, lectures- you rarely get a free Saturday. Oh and the job isn’t paid. So make sure you’re working (part time because full time secular work isn’t acceptable) at a desk job (because college and getting an education is not allowed). Don’t make friends with the people who work with you, they’re out to get you. Back at the club; You answer questions like it’s some schoolastic quiz every week and quote what your reading. It’s a brainwashing tactic. If you say something enough times, you remember it. You start to believe it. You spend hours reading these things, training… Your job is to target people who have lost- and have lost a lot because they’re vulnerable. You learn to go to cemeteries, and literally stalk people who are grieving. Like Val. If you can catch someone when they’re weak, senses are dulled. They’re desperate. And you bait them with this false promise. This idea that all THEY have to do is change all that they are, join you, and they’ll see their dead loved ones again. That they are doomed if they don’t change. Most pioneers draft 2-4 people per lifetime. If you’re a great saleswoman, you can draft more into this horrific world. And I regret the hours I spent lying, torturing people. For some cult that doesn’t give two cents about me.
I 100% believed of I didn’t convince my classmates, neighbors, to join my side they would either turn me in or they would be killed by a divine being. From 2 years old I was supposedly handing out pamphlets. The doom is not a quick painless death, no. You have visuals. You have men getting up to talk in detail about what your ‘friends’ will look like as corpses. Visually descriptive to the point where I still feel a bit numb to it all. That you will have to bury their bodies after the whole divine destruction. That you will have to “clean up” the earth. You are numb- convinced- bullied to the point where you believe this is true.
If you’re hurt as MANY WOMEN AND CHILDREN ARE, and you don’t have two people to testify and say they saw it- it never happened. Abuse is the norm. And if you speak up about it? You’re called a liar. Your friends cut you off. They think you’ll die along with everyone else if you put in a ‘bad review’ or leave. You’re bullied into submission and taught from a young age that you are not in control of your own decisions. You relinquish yourself under the pretense that the men you have such reverence toward are under some divine being’s control.
Your parents hurting you is acceptable. And don’t you dare speak against your father if he’s deeply involved. Don’t even think about approaching if he’s on a phone call. If you’re hit you take it- because you “deserved” it. And you smile. You shove that pain deep down. You hide the bruise, the cut lip, the depression, the bottles of pills you’re swallowing the whatever….You’re screwed if you faint, throw up, pass out, because you’ve missed a meeting. You better be dying for that to happen…
The idea that is portrayed in the movie (IMO) is that you can forgive family who hurts you. I see people forgiving Alexei and what’s her name. Look- that’s great. It’s a fun film. Alexei is funny. Here’s what I saw; it’s a toxic man- nay- father who can’t accept responsibility. He takes pride in what the girls have become- monsters. Not in who they are at their core. He has no idea who they are. And the mom has this photo album…I’m tearing up. She remembers this a certain way, a wishful thought. I’ve confronted my own mother about our past and had an album thrown at me, “We were happy. You were happy.” The fact is I was told the smile. You’re forcing this perception that everything was normal. That it’s okay to go back. (I’m not taking away Yelena’s view that everything was real to her, that’s fine for the sake of the story, and sweet. The moment between her and Alexei..fine. Milena turns and takes their side at the end, great.) The problem with how I saw this, is that’s not how the real world works. I don’t owe my parents forgiveness when I didn’t mean shit to them. When people leave the cult they’re cut off. Treated like they’re dead. I didn’t find these moments cute, I found them horrific. Hugging me, saying he’s proud of me is the toxic sh** my father would pull. Ignoring the holes in the wall, in my skull, the phony impression he gives to the rest of the group. Hugging me…after sweeping everything he did not only to me, but countless others under the rug because the cult…because 8 men in NY will protect him. Legally. Or otherwise.
I don’t need to forgive my parents. If you’ve been mistreated, you don’t owe anyone anything. They can “try” to do the right thing, that doesn’t somehow block out years of mistreatment. Years of trauma. Sheetrock only patches the surface of the broken walls. Wounds heal but some scars stay with you forever. Metaphorically or otherwise.
‘Entertainers’ was a trigger word because if you’re high enough in the ranking system you’re asked to “testify” or share a story. It’s in front of a couple thousand. It’s an “honor”. What it really is, is a three ring circus. You will only see women on the sidelines reading from the cards while only men stand at the main podium. They’re reading what they have told them to say. Stories are manipulated, cut, changed to fit a narrative that better suits the group of a couple thousand members.
Dreykov. I hate this. But I have to go there. I’m neck deep already, might as well. I think the worst part of all of it is that you can’t touch the person who made you this way. Those 6-7-8 leaders are untouchable. It doesn’t matter what you try. What legal entities, ex groups have tried. There’s a term for us and we are considered ‘mentally diseased.’ Members are told to avoid us. And in case you were curious, no, they can’t just break their nose on a table to be free- if only it were that simple. Gosh that got me. I would cut a limb, split my skull open, if it meant I could just cut a chord. It takes years of therapy and I still have nightmares. Urges to just, go. I’m OKAY. But most escapees are not. If you manage to escape with your life and don’t end it because the pressure, guilt, abuse that comes with leaving is too much. (This is sadly the fate of MANY LBGTQ+ members.)
The only hope is either the group eventually runs out of money or they’re taken down legally. Both of which are impossible since many older members will leave all they have to the group rather than to their family. It’s a complex billion dollar publishing company that plays monopoly with people’s investments, homes, and lives.
If you speak up, you’re the liar. So you cannot free your friends, who have turned on you, already cut you off, and discarded you the day you walked out and didn’t come back.
Watching Natasha, and Yelena free their sisters made me think of every woman who is stuck in this cult. For every woman, child, currently being sexually/physically abused and can’t say sh** because they literally believe god will kill them. If I say anything to them, they block me. If I expose what’s happening they will lie in court. That’s what is happening. And it’s not in the news, it’s not talked about. Because you can’t. You’re forced into silence. There’s a block. A literal legal force field that you cannot penetrate. They have their own lawyers. You can’t break into it. You’ll lose every, single, legal battle you try to fight.
Was this a decent movie? Yes. Was I expecting to share this days after release, no. I’ve been forced into silence for so long, told that people have it far worse and that I shouldn’t talk about it. But just today I saw a grown ass couple in an escapee group, talking about how one trigger word sent them into a depressive spiral. Wondering if some god damn lightening will come out of the sky and knock them dead. And we frickin struggle in silence. People will just shrug and go “oh it can’t be that bad,” while my gay best friend can’t catch an effing break. While someone else suffers at home because god wants it that way. Someone else will bury their kid today, maybe not even hold a funeral for them if they were ‘mentally diseased.’
For people like that couple I met today, like me, if you don’t just see a fun film but a darker past or maybe it’s brought up some memories for you, I’d honestly love to chat!!! Message me! I feel like for as painful as this is to hash out not too many people know about what goes on behind a group of smiling, well dressed woman who come knocking on your door. “It’s just a religion.”
I guess I didn’t realize…the criminal aspect of what happened to me. You’re so ingrained to keep quiet. To smile. To ignore, to suppress. I can smile, joke laugh, but visualizing…inadvertently seeing this mirror was so unbelievably uncomfortable. I would always rather help someone else because it takes me out of my head. Live in a bubble where I can call my trauma a ‘fantasy’. What’s real is when someone like me has a bad day? Lol! Look, my husband literally checks his phone to make sure a conversation never touches a couple hundred trigger words that will absolutely send me into the closet with a gallon of ice cream or a bottle of whiskey. I can’t imagine what someone else, what some other traumatized individual goes through. (Maybe that’s why the Bucky stuff makes me all angry She-Hulk too..)
Look, talking people ex members of this group, out of suicide is a daily endeavor to the point where it’s borderline on autopilot. But having this, I suppose, brilliant, piece of cinema turn the camera around left me raw and writhing and angry. Not for me, but for everyone else still stuck. With every year you spend in that cult, add ten more to therapy.
If you feel like me at all, you’re not alone. Not anymore. We were raised to feel alone in the world. That the universe is somehow out to get us and that’s simply not true. You don’t need the people who raised you if they were absolute shit bags. And you DO NOT have to forgive them for keeping you in that environment. Family isn’t family if they’ve hurt you. You owe them nothing. It is healthy to feel your feelings (and you and your feelings are valid. )
Anyways! I hope to be able to talk about more fun Marvel topics soon. But this felt important so thanks for listening. I’m really not hating guys, this is just…it’s heavy. And I beg you to do your research into cults and to help out where you can.
Love and light,
-M
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myriadlabrynth · 4 years
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Kiridai vs Type of Girl They Like
With more explanation. All just my opinions, and headcanons (Not the most in depth analysis because they are overall self-explanatory)
Hanamiya - Stupid Girls
There are a few ways to look at this
We know from the light novel with Imayoshi(Chapter 6 of Replace V), and also the online-gaming drama cd(Knb Season 2 Drama Cd 4), Hanamiya puts up this facade as this friendly and humble guy. Whether this is something he does all the time or only sometimes, is up for debate.
A stupid girl would be someone who still falls for this facade. Since there are of course girls who already know what Hanamiya is really like. Unlike the early years of middle school, where most people thought Hanamiya was this nice kid, his reputation is now well known(he’s the “bad boy” for a reason). So all things considered, you might have to be really stupid, or just blissfully ignorant(so still stupid to Hanamiya)to fall for the facade still.
Another way to look at it is, you know how people say “Are you stupid?!” when they do something risky? Same type of deal here.
It’s not just with brains, it’s also a girl who is too brave to an idiotic degree. Or perhaps impulsive. Someone who stands up to him,who doesn’t quite know what they’re getting into when they confront him. It would be someone who did figure it out. They know Hanamiya is not a good person, but they were merely scratching the surface, and they’ll learn that eventually.
Either interpretation, it’s simply good entertainment for him really, especially the ecstasy he gets when the girl eventually realizes exactly who they are dealing with.
I think his type being “stupid girls” would imply he’s not really going into relationships, expecting anything serious? To give an exact quote from the knb 3ds game(knb: miracles to victory)in his conversation with Moriyama:(translation by grimmfeather)
“ I’m completely focused on basketball right now. I want to lay every moment of my high school years on the line, put my best foot forward every day, and win with the rest of my team… That’s why I don’t even have time to think about love and whatnot at the moment.”
(I haven’t actually heard the voice acting for this part, so idk if he said it in his fake nice persona, but regardless, most of this is probably half-heartedly said, especially the “best foot forward everyday and win with the rest of my team”, but the gist of it is true, about not thinking about love)
I think if he was actually serious, he would prefer someone with some degree of intelligence, not a complete lost cause. But who knows, life might/probably will throw him a curve ball.
Since he’s not expecting any relationship to go very far, he is caught off guard if/when one actually works out
Also side note, regarding the light novel with Imayoshi,  can I just say how concerning it is that Hanamiya has apparently been doing rough play since he was twelve years old???? And possibly earlier??
Seto - Intelligent Girls
The opposite of Hanamiya obviously. I mentioned that there are girls who already know what Hanamiya is like, regardless of the phony nice persona,  that is an example of who Seto would prefer.
Just someone who is smart enough to see through it(since Hanamiya’s nice act is apparently pretty convincing, though Seto saw right through it just like Imayoshi did), especially if it's a girl who is meeting Hanamiya for the first time and doesn’t know anything about him. The girls who do know Hanamiya’s nature, knew  from word of mouth, not from actually interacting with Hanamiya.
Seto isn’t really someone who wants to be in a relationship anytime soon, but Seto would see yet another girl who is fooled by Hanamiya and think “Well I know I wouldn’t want a girl that’s that dumb“ that would be why his preference is someone smart.
I mean I’m not saying that the only girls that Seto would be interested in are the ones who go through hanamiya first, but they would certainly intrigue him.
It’s interesting to think about what else Seto considers to be “marks of intelligence” though, since his intelligence is on another level.
Romantic or not, Seto generally is more drawn towards intelligent individuals.(which is part of why he has his eye on Imayoshi, according to Kurofes)He just likes having someone who he can have an intellectual conversation with, it's part of why he gets along well with Hanamiya. Simple small talk doesn’t really bode well, or won’t get you very far.
Cause the things he finds interesting, other people might not understand or know anything about.
Furuhashi - Masochists/Someone with Masochistic Tendencies
It reminds me of the shoujo manga Ookami Shoujo to Kuroo Ouji.Basically the guy is an ass to this girl, even when they start dating.
And the girl was described as a “Masochist”, because she puts up with the guy’s rude and sadistic tendencies. And basically one of the reasons why the relationship worked is because the girl kind of just accepted the way the guy was(and the guy ended up softening up on his own anyway). Other girls would run away or call him a jerk, and never try talking to him again. But this girl was persistent and stuck around and didn’t try to change him. The Guy just needed someone who would accept him for who he is, cause he was just the way he is.(a very watered down version of the manga, idk if i’d recommend it, but it’s out there.)
(Now that I think about it, the manga fits Hanamiya’s situation too...cause the guy puts up a kind “prince-like” facade, and finds enjoyment when the numerous girls he meets sees his true nature…..hm)
ANYWAY, this is how i’d describe Furuhashi’s preference as well. Him being a sadist is just the way he is, and he’s not going to change for anyone. He may soften up a bit, but he’ll be the same guy overall.
Masochist in this sense, would mean someone who would accept Furuhashi for who he is, a sadist. They wouldn’t expect him to change for them. Someone who will love him for him.
To actively choose to still be with him, despite everything may be considered “Masochistic”
He gets pissed when girls try to change him. When they think that just because they’re dating,he’s supposed to change who he is. Because he would think that the girl never actually loved “him”, they were just painting a fake version in their head and tried to make it a reality. Or mold him into their ideal boyfriend. I think Furuhashi has trust issues because of past experiences.
And yeah sure, we can also look at it in the typical sense as well (in a perhaps ‘nsfw’ type of way ) He gets great joy from the things he gets to do on the basketball team, and that he is able to get off scot-free. So of course he would want other means to be able to do similar things, when he eventually leaves basketball.
He’s intrigued at the idea that someone would enjoy being hurt(cause he’s used to being met with anger)
But I think there’s more to it than that.
Hara - Girls with Pretty Legs
Not much to it really. It means exactly what it says.
Interesting that Hara’s preference is the only one of Kiridai that is a physical attribute.
He’s actually one of four(I think) knb characters whose preference is physical attributes (the other ones are Aomine and Murasakibara, and kinda Tsugawa)
This would mean Hara is someone who is (usually) attracted to one’s appearance first, before their personality.
It’s really just legs that Hara finds to be pretty. Doesn’t have to be slender or anything like that.
Huge fan of thigh highs of course, especially when they’re visibly squeezing the thigh, even if it's barely(he’ll notice)
He's the type of guy who sees those pics of girls with thigh highs just barely squeezing the thighs, it’s barely noticeable, and says they’re “thicc”
If we’re thinking about personality traits that Hara would prefer, if there were any, it would be someone who is a bit laid back just like him.
Someone who understands his jokes, won’t be like a “stick in the mud”.
But at the same time, I can see Hara being interested in someone a bit more serious(not too much), because those people are more fun to mess with and tease lol
Yamazaki - Cheerful Girls
So pure…
A girl with an infectious smile. He would try his best and do all he can to see that smile over and over again. They would be a  ray of sun in a room and happy-go-lucky
I think it could provide a nice break from his time in the team?
Constantly seeing bruised and sometimes bleeding players takes a toll on Yamazaki, who barely supports it. The vibes of the team are overall dark and can be overwhelming.
A cheerful girl gives him a break from that and the boost of serotonin he needs.
Just someone who is positive cause he doesn’t always want to think about crushing other players or other people’s demise.
I can see Yamazaki having a crush on a girl who is super friendly to him but he always thinks “She’s nice to me, but she’s nice to everyone so there’s no way she likes me in ‘that way’”
The girl would be someone who accepts his “loudness”, for lack of better word? I can see Yamazaki holding back to try to seem more “presentable”. The girl would be someone who Yamazaki is comfortable with being himself.
Can I just reiterate how cute Yamazaki’s preference in girls is….we have stupid girls, intelligent girls, masochists, girls with pretty legs, and Yamazaki is here like “I like cheerful girls…”
An angel indeed….
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thefoxwhowanders · 4 years
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Here's some character descriptions for my main characters from my story if anyone is interested! I used picrews to show you guys how they look! Also, I don't have a lot of time to draw them right now 🙃
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Ingra is a strong-willed character who rarely hides her feelings, and even if she tries, it’s always written on her face. She can be blunt at times and says things without giving much thought to it. She has a tendency to say some of her thoughts out loud, because it helps her think. She’s always longing for knowledge and would ditch any party just to read a book. She tends to ask a lot of questions without thinking, because her curiosity sometimes takes over. If she is given the chance, she can talk for hours about anything and everything. She tends to keep to herself most of the time, because she’s afraid others will find her annoying, so she stays away. She would cry with you if you are sad and hug you while you cry. She may talk a lot, but she can be a good listener if you need her to be. She loves to dance more than anything, because she used to dance with her mother before the kidnapping. She would dance all day if she could. She also loves to sing, but she thinks she’s not that good at it even though she is.
Favorite color(s): Burgundy and cerulean blue
Favorite season: Spring 
Likes: Animals, dresses, jewelry, her parents, snow, soft music, flowy dresses, folktales, fairy tales, stories in general, books, knowledge and owls
Dislikes: loud music, beetles, spiders, pastel dresses on her, the king, slavery, and nosey people. 
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Suirea is a person who tends to keep to himself when he can, and he avoids going to parties, because they make him feel uncomfortable even though he has to go to them. He would always sneak out of the palace during a party in disguise to get some time to himself. He has a tendency to put others before himself and his own needs. He doesn’t care about himself as much as he does for others which causes him to get hurt easily. He’s the kind of person who falls in love too easily or gets attached too easily. He’s a great listener, because he puts all his attention on you. He isn’t afraid to be open about his own feelings, because it helps him to talk about it. Other times, he just pushes the feelings away and tries to forget about them. He can be selfish sometimes when it comes to the people he gets attached to, but he tries his best to hide it out of fear. Suirea loves to paint and read and write poetry, because it calms him and makes him smile. He also enjoys sparring and archery.
Favorite color(s): Gold and green
Favorite season: Winter
Likes: poetry, memorizing quotes, big dogs, rain, birds, climbing, crafting, making things with his hands, roses, his sisters and his mother
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Lucero is a character who tends to hide his feelings behind a smile. He's a person who does his best to make your day better when you're sad. He's always smiling, even when he's sad (sometimes) which can be a problem. He tends to make people laugh without even trying to be funny. He laughs pretty easily, because he finds mostly everything funny. When he has to be serious, he will be serious. He can be a little reckless sometimes, and oblivious. He has a tendency to daydream a lot, and completely forget any task at hand. Lucero can easily tell if someone is in a bad mood without even having to talk to them. He likes to go to all the festivals and parties, because he enjoys them. He can be a little blunt, and he isn’t afraid to say what’s on his mind. When it comes to showing affection to others, he does it frequently. He would hug you all the time if he can, but he knows that some people can feel uncomfortable if he does that, so he restrains himself. He would tell you he loves you a million times if he can, and throw compliments at you 24/7. He’s not afraid to tell you exactly how he feels about you. He sometimes thinks he has an annoying/overbearing personality, so he tries to say things that he thinks people may not find annoying. Lucero loves to dance, which is an interest he shares with his closest friend Ingra because they both love to dance. He loves to bake and cook because it was one of the things he loved doing with his mother whenever his father wasn’t home. Astronomy is a subject he adores, he could talk about space for hours and hours. He also loves making origami for fun.
Favorite color(s): Red, and black
Favorite season: Summer
Likes: Dancing, baking, his mother, cooking, making origami, cats, astronomy, Ingra (not romantically), daydreaming, sewing, jokes, laughing, talking, partying, and festivals.
Dislikes: his father, being annoying, being alone, rain, loud noise, phonies, cruel people, and bullies
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Asante is a person who puts her duties before her interests. She is the kind of person who would put all her focus on something and forget to take care of herself. She is usually a composed person, but she will knock you down if you attempt to hurt her friends, her people or stand in her way. She is wise for her age, and there are times where people think she is older than she actually is. She loves her culture and her people more than anything. She would do anything for them even sacrifice her own life for them. She isn’t afraid of people hating her for what she believes in. She is understanding and does her best to listen even when you disagree with her. She loves to joke around a lot, and she can be sarcastic, but she does her best to not ever cross the line. She loves to be around people and party if she feels like it. She has a tendency to overthink things and worry a lot to the point of keeping herself up all night. She’s the kind of person who would write down all your favorite things on a piece of paper and try to memorize them later. She loves to cook and clean when she’s feeling tense or angry because it calms her. She also loves history and different cultures.
Favorite color(s): dark blue, and red
Favorite season: Winter
Likes: Cooking, jokes, butterflies, culture, people, history, food, long naps, sitting around the fire, her mother, and sewing (she likes to sew her own clothes)
Dislikes: Sweets, liars, waking up early, fake people, and being alone (she doesn’t dislike a lot of things
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Since Alexandria was a child, she has always been self-conscious about her body and herself. People would always make fun of her for being chubby and overweight to the point where she began to hate herself. As she got older, she began to ignore all the comments she received from others including her parents. She stopped caring about what other people thought of her, but sometimes it still affected her when someone called her something she was not. She tried her best to not care about her appearance, but whenever she looked in the mirror, all the negative words said to her began to surface and come out. Alexandria likes to doodle on her hands when she’s bored and play scenes from her favorite stories with her older sister. She isn’t afraid to try new things whether it’s a new dish or a game she’s never played before. She can be a bit stubborn, but if she knows she’s wrong then she will try to understand. She doesn’t like when people worry about her and she likes to fight her battles by herself rather than asking anyone else for help. She likes to do everything by herself without ever wanting to ask anyone for help, because she didn’t want people to think she’s weak. She tries to be strong and brave even when she feels weak. 
Favorite color(s); Pink and Lavender
Favorite Season: Fall
Likes: Doodling, acting, stories, games, puzzles, soft music, her sister, gardening, waking up early, sweets, playing in the leaves, spicy food and rain.
Dislikes: her parents, her older brother, being forgotten, being hated, nuts, and parties
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He’s a silent man, who chooses to speak only when he needs to most of the time. He barely speaks because he prefers to keep to himself, because he believes no one would care about what he says anyways. As a kid, he was always smiling all the time so he has smile lines on his face. He also loved to play the piano when he was younger but he hasn't touched the piano ever since. He's become a shadow of the person he once was after his family was murdered. Rogue takes it upon himself to take revenge and find the people who killed his family. He stops using his given name on that day and takes the name Rogue, because he believes he doesn’t deserve the name his father gave to him after the things he did. He grew up with a loving family, and a dream of one day becoming a musician, but it all changed after that day. Even though he doesn’t speak a lot, he does listen and pay attention. He also cares in his own way like giving someone a larger portion of food while he gets the smaller portion or giving someone his cloak when they are cold. He would be the kind of person to buy you a nice and thoughtful gift, because of how much he pays attention. He keeps a small flute he carved himself in his pocket at all times, because he likes playing it. 
Favorite color(s): Red
Favorite season: Winter
Likes: playing the piano, archery, counting the stars in the sky, playing the flute, music, nature, and the sound of birds chirping in the morning, 
Dislikes: the king, talking, the cold, and loud noises (he doesn’t really dislike a lot of things)
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(He has elf ears, but I can only choose one bc of the 10 image limit 😭)
Ren is a shy character who likes to keep to himself most of the time, but he does speak a lot once you get to know him. He gets embarrassed pretty easily, and he can be clumsy sometimes which is funny, because you would never expect it from someone like him. He doesn’t like when people give him compliments, because he doesn’t know what to say in return. He always has a serious face, and it’s rare to see him smile. He tends to blush a lot whenever he’s complimented, because he isn’t used to it. He has a hard time showing affection and returning it, because he never received a lot of affection in general. When someone asks him about something he loves, he gets really passionate about it and excited; he can talk about it for hours if you asked him too. Whenever someone jokes around with him, it takes him a while to realize it’s a joke so he always laughs late. It’s also hard for him to detect sarcasm, so he always takes it seriously whenever someone is being sarcastic towards him. He’s the kind of person who would find dad jokes funny and try to make some himself. He’s pretty intelligent, but he can be a little clueless sometimes. He also has trust issues, because whenever he becomes attached to someone, they always end up leaving him once they know his secret. Ren isn’t ashamed of being an elf, so he likes to walk around without hiding his ears even though he gets a lot of stares and hate from others. Ren doesn’t like hugging or touching people, but he doesn’t mind when someone does it back to him as much. He loves archery which is why he keeps a bow and arrow on him at all times. He loves to play the lyre his father gave him whenever he’s outside in nature, because it calms him. 
Favorite color(s): silver
Favorite season: Spring
Likes: playing the lyre, nature, solitude, dad jokes, fishing, being outside, archery, hiking, reading, math (yes, he loves math), gardening, sweets, quiet and swimming 
Dislikes: The cold, parties, crowds, spicy food, compliments, and loud noises
I still have two more characters I'll add later! Yeah, here are my characters! Tell me what you think of them? Which character or characters are your favorite so far? If you have any questions, just ask and I'll do my best to answer!
Tagging some mutuals! @insane---chaos @oscar-fairchild @nolu @mitsuhamiyamizi @idontgetit-whydoihavetosaymyname @ineedadrinkorsleep @older-brother-kit @idontgetit-whydoihavetosaymyname @brotherhalal-ariahs @fieryfantasybooklover @ghostlivvy @zzoyalantsov @purplebass @vxnya-hxrgreeves @morgnstern @anxiousbookenthusiast @theprinceoftheaire @themostawesomehuman
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jerseydeanne · 3 years
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Nothing was ever good enough...Meghan left staff shaking with fear
The Times article.
https://archive.vn/2e8QQ
Tuesday March 02 2021, 10.00pm GMT, The Times    The Duchess of Sussex has always prided herself on being a good boss. When she was in the American TV series
Suits
, she would sometimes buy the crew pizza. At Kensington Palace there was the occasion, recounted in the pages of
People
magazine in February 2019, when she paid for an ice-cream stand for staff. “They were remarking how it was the ‘best day of work ever’,” a friend said.    Some of those who worked for Meghan after she joined the royal family have less fond memories. Staff were bullied, according to sources, and some reduced to tears. One said they were humiliated by her on a number of occasions. According to the complaint revealed by
The Times
today, two PAs were driven from the household. The duchess denies any allegations of bullying.    
My source said it was like walking on eggshells to be around Meghan.  
The first sign that anything might be amiss came when a story appeared in a diary column in a national newspaper saying that Meghan’s personal assistant had left six months after the royal wedding. 
A week later the assistant was named in another paper as Melissa Touabti. “Meghan put a lot of demands on her and it ended up with her in tears,” a source was reported as saying.Touabti was not the first member of staff to leave. 
Before her there was another PA, a young woman already employed by the palace. She did not stay long after Meghan arrived.      
Both PAs signed non-disclosure agreements. There is no suggestion that Meghan tried to prevent them from speaking. Lawyers for the duke and duchess stated that she had no knowledge of the agreements and that they believed staff to be comfortable and happy. 
      That's a lie, MM is crazy about NDAs and made Harry sign one after she dictated the statement over the phone in 2016. Everyone signs one who works for the firm. Harry is well aware of this. 
Record Scratch... Meghan Markle threw a cup of hot tea at an assistant in Aus.
   In late 2017, after Harry and Meghan’s engagement was announced, a senior aide spoke to the couple about the difficulties caused by their treatment of staff. People needed to be treated well and with some understanding, even when they were not performing to their standards, they were told. Meghan is said to have replied: “It’s not my job to coddle people.”     
Meghan is so fake and phony, if those people can't help her get to be an A-lister, they are toast.   
There is no doubt that Meghan could be a demanding boss. There were a number of people, allegedly including Harry himself, who suggested that those early problems were partly to do with cultural differences in management style. As Omid Scobie and Carolyn Durand put it in their book about the couple,
Finding Freedom
: “Americans can be much more direct, and that often doesn’t sit well in the much more refined institution of the monarchy.”    
It's a turn-on to a narc to watch people squirm.
 However,
The Times
has spoken to insiders who have argued that it was about more than just American straight-talking. The duchess could be sharp with those she felt were letting her down, sources claim. One former staff member said: “I had unpleasant experiences with her. I would definitely say humiliated.”       Meghan is sadistic!   After Jason Knauf, the couple’s communications secretary, made his bullying complaint, another member of staff was worried about spending time with her the next day because she feared that Meghan was about to find out. “This is why I feel sick,” they said.    
Another time there was a row about whether Meghan had been told that the media would be present at an event. When she rang the aide, they rang back but she did not pick up. “I feel terrified,” the source said. “I can’t stop shaking.”    Meghan loves to play games.   Another source said: “There were a lot of broken people. Young women were broken by their behaviour.” The source described one member of staff as “completely destroyed”.      Even before the wedding, staff were feeling the strain. One told a colleague the couple were “outrageous bullies” and said they were considering resigning. The colleague replied: “That’s so dreadful. And they are bullies.”      
The  harsh treatment was not confined to junior staff. One source claimed that Samantha Cohen, the couple’s private secretary, had been bullied. Another said: “They treated her terribly. Nothing was ever good enough. It was, ‘She doesn’t understand, she’s failing.’” In fact, the source said, Cohen was “a saint” and the best organiser of royal tours they had known.     Lawyers for the duke and duchess said they remained close to Cohen and grateful for her support and dedication, acknowledging that she had come out of retirement to work closely with them at a busy time. They deny bullying her.     
The Sussexes’ autumn tour
in 2018, when they visited Australia, New Zealand, Fiji and Tonga, was stressful for staff, sources say. A senior adviser did his best to reassure them, saying: “You are dealing with a very difficult lady.”The issue boils down to whether Meghan was a demanding boss with high standards, or a bully. Did her team fail her or did she ask the impossible?    Bully!  
In court papers for her successful privacy action against TheMail on Sunday
, her lawyers said that when she was distressed by the negative stories in the media about her, her friends felt frustrated by the instruction from the palace communications team that they should respond “no comment” to allegations. That left her friends “rightly concerned for her welfare, specifically as she was pregnant, unprotected by the institution and prohibited from defending herself”, they said.     
It was a setup from the beginning.    
An alternative view, sources say, is that Meghan craved rejection from the moment she walked into Kensington Palace, and that nothing that anyone did would ever be good enough.     
True, she is mentally ill  
The palace knew that when Harry married a woman who was biracial, American and divorced, they had to go out of their way to make sure the marriage was a success: if it was not, the royal household and their supposedly hidebound ways would be blamed. 
“Everyone knew that the institution would be judged by her happiness,” a source said. “The mistake they made was thinking she wanted to be happy. She wanted to be rejected because she was obsessed with that narrative from day one.” 
     TRUE!   
Lawyers for the duchess said this was entirely wrong. The duchess wished to fit in and be accepted and had left her life in North America to commit herself to her new role.      
Liar, it was always going to be this way, she was never a sticker.  It's all about the money.   
More than one source has expressed their view about her wanting to be a victim. One claimed: “She wanted to be the victim because then she could convince Harry that it was an unbearable experience and they had no choice but to move to America.” 
Lawyers for the duke and duchess denied this was true. Supporters of the couple have argued that Harry and Meghan were frustrated in their attempts to live their life in a different way.     
Winner, winner, chicken dinner!  Meghan worked on Harry that the same thing was going to happen to her as his mother. They are after me Harry even though her PR is the one who set up the articles. 
Finding Freedom
quoted a source close to the prince saying that “nothing could convince Harry that some of the old guard at the palace simply didn’t like Meghan and would stop at nothing to make her life difficult”. In her legal case against
The Mail on Sunday
, the duchess’s lawyers denied that the couple collaborated with the book.       One source claimed that most of the tensions in the household at the time concerned the Sussexes’ relations with the media. “The way I see it, their view of not getting institutional support was that they were not getting permission to blow up the institution’s relationships with the media.” Again, lawyers for the duke and duchess deny this.      Their lawyers are denying a lot!   One conversation confirmed to
The Times
seems to reveal how much the palace was prepared to go out of its way to help Meghan. Before the wedding, the couple had a meeting with a senior aide who told them that the palace was doing everything it could to help and there was no need to think she had to take on her role in a particular way, a source said. If she was passionate about the acting world, they could help her to think about finding a role within the film industry.     
They made sure Meghan had anything she wanted. They rolled out the red carpet. I told them she is going to screw you!   
The source said: “The entire place, because of everything about her, and because of what Harry’s previous girlfriends had been through, was bending over backwards to make sure that every option was open.” They said Meghan thanked them, but said she had no wish to carry on acting. Instead she wanted to concentrate on her humanitarian and philanthropic work, and to support Harry as a member of the royal family.That might have been that, except of course it wasn’t. Part of the problem, according to the source, was that everyone in the palace was so genteel and civil; too genteel and civil: “When someone decides not to be civil, they have no idea what to do. They were run over by her, and then run over by Harry. They had no idea what to do.”      The duchess issued a detailed statement last night stating that the allegations were a smear campaign and an attack on her character.  
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Travis Aaron Wade’s “charity” Truth 11:11
Disclaimer: This is gonna be a little link- and image-heavy. I don’t know much about charitable giving so I just tried to do some research about how to confirm a charity’s status/legality/impact. What I’ve found has given me a lot of doubts about how legitimate the charity that Wade runs actually is. As a control I’ve also researched K9s for Warriors to compare the results. (Apologies in advance for the way Tumblr handles images because they render quite fuzzy despite my best efforts.)
1. Verifying Charity Status - IRS 501(c)3
How to Tell If a Charity Is Legitimate via Huffpost has a lot of tools to search for charities. The first tool they recommend is checking if a charity claiming tax-exempt status (501c3) actually has that status. Truth 11:11 has a page where they show their 501(c)3 letter, which looks like this:
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So I started by checking the IRS website for both their name and Employer Identification number. Here are the results:
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“Truth 11:11″ with the semi-colon returns an error because the semi-colon is not a valid character. Capitalization doesn’t seem to matter, as you can see with the K9s for Warriors result.
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I’m not sure why the IRS wouldn’t have any results for Truth 11:11 when they have a 501(c)3 letter appearing on their website. I also checked if their tax-exempt status was revoked per the steps listed here, but Truth 11:11 does not appear on that spreadsheet. I can provide screenshots for that if requested.
A fellow detective was able to find one registration for Truth 11:11, which is with the state of SC as a non profit effective 02/21/2019.
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2. Verifying Charity Legitimacy - other websites
The HuffPo article lists a lot of other tools you can use to search for charities. Here’s a few linking to their results for a search on K9s for Warriors vs. Truth 11:11:
Charity Navigator: K9s for Warriors // Truth 11:11 (and their EIN)
Give.org: K9s for Warriors // Truth 11:11
Guidestar: K9s for Warriors // Truth 11:11 returns this search page:
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Excellence in Giving: K9s for Warriors // Truth 11:11
3. Confirming Charity status - Charities for Veterans or Military families
I’d also like to call your attention to this very good article about Veteran’s charities scams. Charitable Solicitations for Vet & Military Families  To quote:
Many legitimate charities are soliciting donations to support the nation’s military veterans as well as the families of active-duty personnel. And despite tough economic times, people reportedly are responding generously to these requests. But not all “charities” are legitimate: Some are sham operators whose only purpose is to make money for themselves. Others use paid fundraisers whose fees eat up most of a donation, so very little of it is shared with those in need.    
And
Check out an organization before donating any money. Some phony charities use names, seals, and logos that look or sound like those of respected, legitimate organizations – or they may claim veteran status themselves as a way to gain your trust.
K9s for Warriors has their credentials listed upfront on their website with links/badges to reputable charity verification agencies.
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Truth 11:11 does not.
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But hey, they do have that Impact tab! ... that links to a blog.
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(Also hey, check out that warning in the address bar that this is not a secure website. Interesting choice for a site that asks you to donate. From the military scams article: “If you’re thinking about giving online, look for indicators that the site is secure, like a lock icon on the browser’s status bar or a URL for a website that begins “https:” (the “s” stands for “secure”). “)
4. Financials:
Again from the FTC article about veteran’s charity scams: “Donate to charities with a track record and a history. Scam artists follow the headlines and charities that spring up literally overnight in connection with military conflicts and related news stories may disappear just as quickly – with your donation funding their next move. In many cases, those “instant charities” don’t have the infrastructure to get donated money or products to the right place.”
K9s for Warriors also clearly links to all of their financial documents: here
I have not been able to find any financial documents, budget, etc. on the Truth 11:11 website. Their “About” section has three pages: 1) Call to Action, featuring a nice headshot of Travis, 2) Mission Statement, where he talks about selling his used clothing, and 3) the alleged 501(c)3 linked above.
Let me say that again: Truth 11:11 has no financial documents of any type. There is no record of the amount they’ve raised on auctions for their “alliances”. There is no budget showing how funds are allocated to charities vs. administrative costs. If anyone is able to find this information please contact me.
In conclusion, I have serious doubts about the legitimacy of this charity. They claim to function as a sort of intermediary between fans and actual charities by selling objects or clothing signed by celebrities on eBay. They allegedly send the money raised in the auctions to the charities listed on their website, but there are no clear records on whether this happens or if it does, the breakdown of how much money is actually sent.
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lovely-qualms · 5 years
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FMA Secret Santa 2018 Gift!!
Ahh, I’m cutting it so close, I’m so sorry I didn’t post it earlier! This is for @sassyfirealchemist (who coincidentally was also my Secret Santa!) for the Secret Santa exchange by @fmasecretsanta2018 !
I hope you like, and I’m sorry for the lateness again!
Title: Fortunes and Feelings
Rating: T+
Relationships: Roy Mustang/ Edward Elric
Tags: Historical (Victorian-ISH), Romance, Humor, Policeman!Roy, Psychic!Ed, circus
Find this fic on: FF.net and AO3
There were two things that Roy believed were working rather valiantly towards making his morning effectively terrible- well, three were he not used Hughes’ incessant early-morning ramblings. The first was the apologetic woman standing at the entrance of his favorite coffee spot who dared tell Roy the place had closed due to bankruptcy (immediately after this, a passing carriage horse had kicked a puddle directly at his boots, which did nothing to Roy’s sour mood). And, well, the young policeman and his chatty colleague currently stood in the midst of the second noisy, colorful, terrible thing.
The bloody circus.
“When I bring Elicia she’ll win every prize there is! Oh-Roy- she’s going to be so excited about that carousel! Don’t you think?” Hughes nearly squealed in delight at the thought of his daughter running around the amusements (wastes of money, in Roy’s opinion).
“Yes Hughes, I’m sure Elicia will have great fun here. Why a circus needs two policemen to keep guard in the ass crack of the morning I’m not sure.” Roy grumbled. It was currently rather cloudy and windy, and the few people actually here that weren’t staff or guard seemed to regret their forwardness of schedule.
Hughes shrugged, “You know pickpockets and drunkards love to ride the coattails of these kinds of places. Oh, look! There’re the acrobats!”
Just as Roy rolled his eyes at his friend’s behavior, a young blonde man swathed in thick brocade and fluttering silks approached them. Looking around, Roy pegged down a similarly silky tent that must belong to this man that lay to the right of them.
Roy and Hughes shook his hand (which Roy silently noted was automail) before he spoke, “Good morning, Officers. Chief Grand sent you, right? I’ll be giving you a little tour of the area, as our ringleader has a lot of last-minute preparations to take care of before the crowds really set in.”
“Do we get a name, o tour guide?” Roy asked, masking his displeasure with veiled sarcasm.
The blonde’ mouth quirked into an amused smile, “Ed. My brother and I are psychics.” Out of adherence to decorum, Roy refrained from rolling his eyes, but his skepticism must have shown through because Ed gave him an unamused look. “Let’s go see some hot spots of potential crime, shall we?“
….
They made their way slowly through the large field of gallantry and show, Ed pointing out various tents and shady areas that needed ‘special supervision’. The young man seemed incredibly familiar with the layout of the area, even though the circus hadn’t been set up for but a day or two. When asked, Ed simply explained that their layout was similar wherever they went, and he knew whose tents were whose and “all that shit”. His teasing personality got on Roy’s nerves, especially since his day hadn’t started out particularly well either.
“Those are where the drunkards like to drink and flirt with ladies and whatnot” Ed gestured to several gaps between tents sporting respectively, an ashcan and several empties liquor bottles.
“Attractive,” Roy muttered.  
Ed cast a quick, annoyed glace at Roy, “Jeez, Who spat in your breakfast?”
Roy ignored this remark, turning to Hughes instead, “I’ll patrol northern half of the grounds, you get the Southern. We can switch at noon.”
Hughes gave the teasing affirmative, “Sir, yes sir,” going as far as to offer Roy a salute before turning away to his patrol before Roy could snap back. When Roy turned around to Ed, he realized the blonde had disappeared into his nearby tent, leaving Roy alone to work.
————————————
Roy didn’t see Ed until the next week, as the circus was incredibly busy in its opening days. Between shifts patrolling the northern or southern blocks of the fairgrounds, Roy and Hughes made it their personal goals to find the most ridiculous attraction there.
Roy, in a valiant attempt to top Hughes’ sighting of “world’s hairiest man”, decided to test his luck with the fortune tellers’ tent on his break that Thursday. Surely some ridiculous prognosis of his life would override some bloke who doesn’t shave enough.
Roy easily recognized the tent- it was the reddest, most decorated tent of the lot (outside of the central Big Top of course), huge lettered sign notwithstanding. Because of the time and cool morning breeze, not many people were out yet, so Roy took the opportunity to slip through the silks hanging in the doorway and into the small room.
Inside, the tent was considerably darker than outside. The thick canvas walls blocked out the sun, and only a few candles and a dim lantern lit the inside. Ed sat on the opposite end of a small table covered in yet more silks, cards, books, and glass knick-knacks.
When Ed recognized his new customer, he smirked. “Officer, don’t you have a patrol to keep up?”
Roy sat casually in the chair across from the blonde, “I’m on my break. Decided to come check out the validity of the local psychic.”
“Well, you don’t get to check me out for free.” Ed snipped, cringing a second later when he realized how his words came out.
Roy rolled his eyes and dropped two coins into the box by the door, “Now may I check you out?”
Ed glared, “Just sit and show me your hand.”
Roy did as he was told. Ed grabbed his hand, explaining as he picked opened a large book with his free hand, “Today I’m giving palm readings. I want to switch it up every week or so, but this is a pretty simple method. Good for the start of the week.”
“You don’t really think my hand will tell me my future.” Roy stated, already not on board with Ed’s ‘methods’.
Ed looked up at Roy blandly, “Your hand’s not telling you. I’m telling you, based on how your palm lines read.”
“Well then, what do my palm lines say?”
Ed looked intently at Roy’s hand for a second, tracing down one or two larger lines, “Well this one represents your inclination towards your friends over your family, and this one here means you’ll have good luck in love….” Ed explained.
Roy snorted, “Now I know you’re phony.”
“Hey, I’m just reading what it tells me.” Ed huffed, still concentrated on the hand in his grasp. He drew a finger down Roy’s hand lightly, “Let’s see now… despite your thrilling occupation, your occupational future looks fairly calm- see, that’s this line here.” Roy refrained from rolling his eyes yet again. Ed already knew his occupation; of course, he could deduce that he lived a relatively more “thrilling” life than others.
Silence reigned for a while as Ed analyzed the finer trails of Roy’s palm, going so far as to open a reference book somewhere around the base of his thumb. The silence lasted long enough for Roy’s palm to become lightly clammy under the pressure and heat of the other’s hands before Ed broke his gaze, looking up at Roy’s face almost apologetically, “Everything else’s too vague, especially since all I’ve got is this candlelight. It sets the mood, but really messes up my vision.”
Roy, taking this admission as proof of Ed’s position as more of entertainment than of divine reading, stood, “Well, Edward, your services have been most interesting.
Ed wrinkled his nose, “My services- You make it sound like I’m a prostitute or something.”
Roy laughed, “Hey it’s you who said it.”
Ed looked exasperatedly at the policeman, “Don’t you have some drunkards to kick around or something?”
Roy, still amused, left the tent ever more intent to return.
-------------
He returned to Hughes after their shifts were over, finding the other man fawning over a large selection of goodies that, quote, his “darling Elicia would win for sure”.
“Well, you’re still winning. The psychic’s more sarcastic than he is ridiculous, not that I believe a word of that superstitious crap.” Roy sighed, leaning against the wall of a large pink booth.
“Where’s the ‘but’?” Hughes asked, knowing his colleague all too well.
“I have to make sure, so I’m going to check out his tent again next week.
Hughes’ smirk was enough to make Roy wish there hadn’t been a ‘but’, “Sure that’s why.”
----------------------
Ed intrigued the policeman, and he was a far shot easier to talk to than the stuffy women who waited outside of attractions while their children wreaked havoc inside. So, with two coins and a healthy dose of skepticism, Roy returned the next week. Instead of palm books and cards, atop the tablecloth sat a box of stones, metal nubs, and string.
Ed, who had been fiddling with a string tied around a purple stone, looked up with interest, “Officer, I didn’t think you’d turn up. Crime’s been pretty high recently.”
“I can take a small break, can’t I?” Roy responded.
“You wouldn’t be shirking your duties, would you? An upstanding police officer such as yourself?” came the rebuttal.
Roy tossed his coins into the nearby coinbox, “Well, tell me my future and maybe I can dutifully return to my post.”
Ed barked out a laugh, “You’re kind of stuck up, you know that?”
Roy smirked, “So I’ve been told.” He glanced at the stones and string atop the table at which he now sat, “What’re all of these for?”
Ed’s grin grew as he drew into his element, “Pendulum reading, it’s a personal favorite of mine.”
“How does it work?”
Ed picked up a thin chain, “I’ll show you. What’s your birth month?”
“February. Why?” Roy asked.
Ed sifted through his collection on stones which all had little metal loops at their bases. He pulled out a skinny little amethyst from the depths of the box, explaining, “Your birthstone- It makes the reading clearer.” Roy hummed in acknowledgment, but let Ed focus on his work. He’d taken out various maps and calendars, and he had fixed the amethyst to a small chain. Once he was set up, Ed asked, What do you want to know? Location usually works best.”
The reading was fun enough. Roy asked a lot of trivial questions, watching the crystal swing around until it stilled over a location on the map (he was fairly certain Ed was manipulation the rock, but he didn’t comment). He liked chatting to Ed about the questions and their answers more than he did the actual reading, however.
Eventually, Roy stood up, noting his need to actually work before excusing himself from the tent.
------------------
Over the weeks, Roy saw Ed frequently through the circus grounds. They usually chatted briefly and went their separate ways. Every week, Roy also made a point to visit Ed’s tent for a reading of some sort. He had given up on trying to tell himself it was merely intrigue that brought him to Ed’s tent. He was fully aware that he wanted to be in the spirited blonde’s company.
Despite their daily meetings in the grounds, it wasn’t until two months after the circus’ arrival that Roy saw Ed outside of the grounds, in plain, civilian clothing. It was a Sunday, the one day the circus was closed, and coincidentally Roy’s day off.
He had been strolling down the city’s main line of stores, gazing into windows for a birthday present for Elicia, when he had seen the telltale flash of golden hair through a window reflection.
After the first incident, Roy began to see Ed in the marketplace rather frequently. He never bought anything, only talked to store owners and looked into the window of the now-vacant coffee spot. Roy always saw him at side-glances and in passing, so he never actually got around to talking to Ed outside of their occasional on-duty meetings until the next Sunday.
Exiting the local grocer’s, Roy nearly collided head-on with the small man he’d seen around town. Ed let out a colorful array of expletives, cursing Roy for making him drop his food without even looking up to see who he’d collided with.
Roy couldn’t help his amused smile, “For a fortune-teller, you’re not so perceptive on the streets.”
Ed, finally recognizing the recipient of his verbal attacks, snapped his gaze up at Roy, “Officer guy! You should’ve looked where you’re going.”
“I prefer ‘Roy’ off-duty, thank you.” He clipped back, moving from the doorway of the grocer’s to let passers-by through. Ed definitely looked different in plain clothing (just a button-down and some brown slacks), though Roy did notice how the button-down’s rolled-up sleeves did well to Ed’s general appearance. It showed off his masterful automail wonderfully, as well. If anything, he looked more mature than he did in his circus getup.
“Want a hand?” He added as the blonde was struggling to fit his wares into the crumpled paper grocery bags.
Ed shrugged, and Roy took it as an invitation to help. He fit the remaining containers into place and, before Ed could protest, took one of the bags in his arms with the excuse, “I’ve got nothing better to do.” In reality, Ed had become something of a fancy to Roy, and he intended to spend his valuable time seeing that fancy through. After all, the circus wouldn’t stay in Central forever.
Ed looked away, either embarrassed or frustrated, muttering, “Wouldn’t wanna damage your ego too badly by denying you, seems like you wouldn’t be too used to the concept.”
“Oh yeah, I’m never told no. The criminals simply run into the police car. In fact, they have to fight over who gets a ride; it’s simply infuriating!” Roy replied, shifting the bag a bit as they crossed a stopped road two blocks from the circus grounds.
Ed rolled his eyes but didn’t look particularly offended. He changed the subject, “That old coffee shop downtown: Why did it close?”
Roy shrugged, “The owner’s daughter said bankruptcy. It’s weird, because the location is great, and I never saw the place empty.”
Ed nodded but had fallen in a contemplative state that Roy felt uninclined to break him from. They reached the circus grounds at this point, and Ed snapped out of it to take Roy’s grocery sack and bid him adieu.
----------
The circus was packed up two days later. Roy tried to hide his indignation, but he could tell that Hughes sensed his mad mood.
“Come on, Roy, we can go back to catching the big guys now.” Hughes stated as they watched the pack of acrobats walk into the big tent with their equipment tied into large bundles.
“Yeah.” Roy stated mildly, pushing off the wall, “I’ll make a round.”
Hughes’ sigh didn’t escape Roy as he ambled through the falling tents and scattered flyers. he found himself outside of Ed’s tent before he knew where he’d walked. The fortune teller’s blonde head poked out from behind the curtain-door, “Roy, hey! You haven’t come around in the past few days.”
“Yeah, there’s been a lot of ruffians trying to get their final few crimes in before you all go off.” He shrugged, “Need any help packing?”
Ed gave Roy a rare smile, “Yeah, come on in.”
He was tasked with placing all of Ed’s fragile-looking crystals and glass relics into boxes full of hay, which was difficult when the objects were all awkward shapes and curves that didn’t fit nicely into a rectangular space. While working, Roy kept looking over at Ed, who seemed oddly peppy. He’d have thought moving around would be laborious and frustrating, but Ed smiled almost secretly to himself. When they were done with his packing, Roy turned to find Ed looking at him searchingly.
“I guess all that’s left is the tent, huh.” The policeman stated.
Ed looked around, “I guess so, but I can take that down myself. Thanks for the help.”
“It’s no problem,” Roy dismissed, not sure what to do, “Um, I guess have good luck in the next city…”
Ed rolled his eyes and stepped forwards, grabbing Roy’s arms and planting a light kiss on the other man’s lips. Roy froze, not quite comprehending what was happening. He hadn’t even considered his crush being a shared attraction. Through Roy’s stunned silence, Ed smirked, “I don’t like goodbyes. Get out of my tent, asshole, I’ll see you around, yeah?”
Roy couldn’t help his smile, “Yeah, see you around.” He left the tent with a small skip and didn’t explain to a confused Hughes how a patrol round of the grounds had so drastically changed his mood.
-----------
He didn’t see Ed around that day, unfortunately, as they were all gone the next day. Only a mess of paper and trash remained of the circus, and Roy felt all the more dejected for it. It was his day off, and he walked down the downtowns strip, trying to find some way to waste his time and, maybe, distract himself from the day before.
He left a clothing store empty-handed and looked over longingly at the closed doors of the closed coffee shop, really wanting some of their past wares at the moment. What he didn’t expect to see was the door open, and a young man with short, dirty blonde hair adjusting some tables outside. Curiously, he walked across the street to the man.
“Good Afternoon” he greeted, and the man looked up with a happy expression.
“Hello, you curious? We’ve had a lot of questions.” He replied.
Roy shrugged, “I guess I am. Not many shops here go back into business so quickly.”
The boy smiled, “My brother an I just bought the place yesterday. We were part of the circus that just left, and needed a change of pace.”
“Oh?” Roy’s interest had been effectively piqued, “What kind of store will it be?”
A voice from the doorway answered, “We’re selling oddities and psychic services.”
Roy whipped around, “Ed!”
The blonde laughed at Roy’s surprise, “I told you I’d see you around.”
“You didn’t have to be so cryptic,” Roy responded, but couldn’t hide his excitement. Ed had an equally happy quirk of a smile behind his trained natural look, “Where’s the fun in that? You don’t look like you’re working, wanna help set up instead of standing here pestering Al?”
Al protested his brother’s comment and Roy rolled his eyes, already crossing the threshold behind Ed, “I get it- you just like to use me.”
Ed feigned exasperation, “Took you long enough to figure it out.”
Roy helped Ed set up shop for the rest of the afternoon, but not without first pulling him out of Al’s sight and properly reciprocating Ed’s earlier kiss.
His day went much better than planned.
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wellhellotragic · 6 years
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If Looks Could Kill 11/27
Summary: Emma Swan is a dedicated FBI agent getting over a bad breakup. When she and her partner, Ruby Lucas, are forced to go undercover as contestants on a reality show, Emma is forced to try and win the affections of Killian Jones, a man she despises.
Killian Jones is a lost boy. Having recently been nicknamed the ‘Bad Boy of Boston,’ he’s been living up to his moniker using women and rum to avoid dealing with his dark past. When he’s forced to take the lead in a reality show, he encounters a gorgeous blonde who turns his world upside down.
Miss Congeniality meets The Bachelor
Rated: M for language, violence, and smut.
Catch up here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
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“Spill!”
Emma hadn’t even put both feet through the door before Ruby’s interrogation began.
“Spill what?” Emma tried to feign ignorance but Ruby saw through it.
“Don’t play dumb with me Emma Swan! I’m talking about you and the hunky guy one cottage over.”
“Ruby,” Emma sighed, “there’s nothing to tell. We’ve mutually decided to be friends since we’re both stuck here against our wills. That’s it.”
Ruby glared at her with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows. “Then why do you blush when I bring him up?”
Emma rolled her eyes. “That’s not blush. That’s the blood rushing to my head from frustration at your pointless prodding.”
“Emma, you may be a human lie detector, but you’re still a piss poor liar. I didn’t push it in front of Ava, but I’ve known you for six years now, and I’ve never seen you like this before.”
“I’m not anything. I’m just trying to make it through the operation with what little sanity I can maintain. You do remember that I just ended a two year relationship a few weeks ago, right?”
“That relationship,” Ruby spat as she used air quotes around the word relationship, “was crap and you know it. He was your safety school, not your dream university.”
“Ruby!” Emma’s anger surged. She knew in part that Ruby was right; Walsh was a safe bet, and when push came to shove, he would never be the love of her life. Perhaps in time she could have come to feel love for him though. “He proposed the week before we broke up.”
“What,” Ruby screeched. “Why didn’t you tell me? Did you say yes to him?”
Emma took a deep breath trying to temper her seething rage. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you would try to talk me out of it. I told him I needed time to think about it, but before I could give him an answer, I found him in our bed with another woman. And yes, I was considering it before I saw her riding him to kingdom come, so while you seem to think my love life was a joke, he meant something to me.”
Emma was as headstrong as they came, and although she had had that exact argument in her head more than once since the break up, this was the first time she had come to the conclusion that Walsh was someone to her. She wasn’t sure if it was an epiphany, or the result of taking a stand against Ruby though.
Ruby opened her mouth twice to say something, but quickly closed it both times. Emma had done the impossible. Ruby was speechless.
Every nerve in Emma’s body was telling her to flee, from Ruby and the thoughts running around in her own head, but before she could leave her door crept open.
“Sorry to bother you girls,” Ava started, “but can we talk for a minute, about the show?” Ava winced a bit knowing that Emma still didn’t love the idea of being undercover in the house and was certainly not going to enjoy what was coming next.
“What?” Emma tapped her foot on the ground in an effort to relieve some nervous energy.
“Well, I just heard from Regina and the network and, after the fight last weekend, they want to market you as the bad girl, Emma.”
“What?” It was more of an exclamation than a question.
“Well, they’ve shown some of the footage to a focus group and apparently they ate it up. They aren’t really your biggest fans per say, but they loved watching you snap at the other girls. You bring a certain amount of drama to the show and the focus group kept saying they couldn’t wait to see what you did next.” Ava took a step back just in case Emma’s balled fist tried to find a place to attack.
“You have got to be kidding me! You do realize that you don’t actually work for the network, right?”
“Emma,” Ruby interrupted, “this could actually be a good thing. Think about it. It lets you stick around without having to be the phony nice girl you hate playing. You get to be more ‘you.’”
Emma whipped her head at the last remark and gave Ruby a fierce look. If looks could kill, Emma’s emerald green eyes would have been the deadliest weapons the world had ever seen.
Is that really how her best friend saw her? As a surly beast that hated everything about the world?
It happened. Emma ran.
Killian had been given instructions not to do anything too exacerbating for the next day until they needed him for filming. He had missed four days already, meaning there was one group date and a one-on-one date he needed to make up.
Killian’s first instinct was to ask if Emma could be his one-on-one date. While he knew what they had wasn’t romantic and it may be awkward for both of them to film intimate scenes, it would be nice to have someone there that he got along with and didn’t have to feign interest in being around. Someone that he felt he could trust.
The producers, though, had already decided to send him away on a glamping trip with a woman that went by the name Tink. He had also been informed that no matter the outcome of the date, he would need to make sure to present her with a rose. Killian couldn’t even remember which one she was though.
The group date would include ten women from the house taking a trip into the city to one of Boston’s oldest distilleries, followed by dinner. Killian had asked to see a list of the women who were going on the group date but Mary Margaret had explained that she didn’t have the updated list yet.
Killian felt everything slipping away. He had completely lost control of his life. Every facet of the next seven weeks of his life had already been decided. It took getting admitted to the hospital before he was even allowed to speak to anyone outside of the show, aside from Regina.
Since Killian couldn’t film for the rest of the day, the producers had allowed him to visit with Robin and Will at his cottage, as long as their presence didn’t disturb filming background shots of the women to be used as fillers for promos.
Robin and Will had brought over a few six packs of beer, but after his brush with alcohol and Xanax, Killian felt sick at just the smell of beer.
“So, I managed to get a peek at some of the lovely lasses you’ve been tasked with wooing, and I’m not really sure what’s crawled up your arse. Do you know how many men would give their left hand to trade places with you?” Will had barely even sat down before starting in on Killian.
“And how, may I ask, have you seen the women here? Have you been abusing your FBI power?” Killian was seated in what may have been the world’s most uncomfortable armchair.
Robin interrupted, “Depends on how you look at it. Regina brought home some of the unedited footage to view on your behalf, and Will and I may have caught a glimpse.”
“Great.” Killian slumped down in the chair and let his head fall back. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in an effort to calm himself. He was glad his friends were there, but he didn’t need them to have ammunition against him later. Then there was Regina, and somehow her showing his friends footage without his permission felt like another betrayal.
“Seriously though mate,” Will continued, “some of these birds are hot as hell, so why are you so opposed to being here? It’s really not that different from being in a bar full of willing women.”
Killian took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure how to properly explain his disdain for the show in a way that Will could understand. Will was used to the FBI telling him what to do and where to go on a moment’s notice. He had already been programed to accept orders without question. Killian had always had his freedom though, and this was something that he would never get used to. Instead, he chose a tactic that spoke more to Will’s tastes.
“This is completely different. When I take a lady home, it’s usually with the knowledge that she and I will spend a pleasurable night together that includes very few words. Here though, I have to listen to them drone on about the most idiotic things. Do you remember that blonde you dated until last year that drove you insane? Anastasia? She’s actually here as one of the contestants. And as far as the rest of them go, it’s like being around twenty of her.”
“Bloody hell.” Will took a long sip of his beer.
“Speaking of,” Robin started timidly, “Regina really does feel awful about what happened.”
Killian grunted.
“Killian, I understand your frustration. What she did to you was wrong, but the intention behind it was pure - ”
Killian cut him off. “I’m sorry but you can’t be serious. She’d been drugging me for who knows how long. If she were really doing it to help me then she wouldn’t have felt the need to hide what she was doing. Regina was looking out for herself first and foremost.”
He hopped up and made it the kitchen in only four strides. He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and downed it in one go. As sick as the smell and taste made him, it was worth it if it helped drown his anger for a few hours.
Sensing the tension between Killian and Robin, Will made an effort to change the subject.
“So wait a minute mate, you’re telling me that out of all of the girls here, there’s not a single one you fancy?”
Killian hesitated for only a second before denying it, but that second was long enough for Will to pick up that Killian was lying.
“Oi, you do fancy one of ‘em don’t cha?” Will sat up excitedly like a dog being offered a treat.
“I just said no.”
“Your words said no, but that pause said something different. Who is she?”
“Will,” Killian warned.
“No, no, lemme guess.” Will tapped the neck of his beer to the side of his head. “Lets see. I know you’ve always been a bit partial to brunettes and the occasional red head, so that cuts the list in half.”
“Don’t forget that he goes for blue eyes too,” Robin chimed in.
“Right, so who does that leave us with? Let’s see, there’s the librarian, the marine biologist, and the bear trainer.”
“Bear trainer?”
“I think,” Robin supplied, “that he’s referring to the park ranger that said she’s been helping some orphaned bear cubs.”
“I meant what I said. She’s been training ‘em up like pets. She was gushing about them like they were part of ‘er own family.”
Killian rolled his eyes, a habit he was almost certain he had picked up from his short time with Emma.
“The model!” Will exclaimed. “You’ve got a thing for the knickers girl. I could get behind that. Maybe she could arrange to give us all a private show with all of the latest fashions.” Will raised his eyebrows at the other two men.
Killian barked out a laugh at that. “I assure you it’s none of them.” Realization dawned on him that he had just admitted that there was someone. “I don’t fancy anyone. You both know me. I’m a one-and-done guy.”
“No, no, no. You don’t get off that easy mate.” Robin wasn’t normally one for gossip, but Killian had never shown genuine interest in a woman before and he was intrigued.
Killian ran his hand through his hair, before letting his fingers settle behind his ear. “Look, it’s not like that. I’m friends with one of them, but that’s it. Neither of us have any desire for it to be anything more.”
It was mostly true. Emma had never shown any interest in him beyond friendship. He was certain that her concern for him before was a mixture of guilt and friendship, and while he could easily admit to himself that she was highly attractive, he refused to let himself feel anything more for her. His heart had already been claimed and he wouldn’t betray that.
“Killian Jones, ‘friends’ with a woman. I never thought I’d see the day,” Will joked.
“Perhaps I should buy a lotto ticket since apparently anything is possible now,” Robin added.
“Hey, before we leave did you want us to help you look for your necklace again?” Robin was already walking towards Killian’s bedroom to start searching.
“No need mate, it’s been found and returned already.”
“Where the bloody hell was it,” Will asked.
“It was on the balcony where Emma found me.” Killian didn’t even realize he had used Emma’s name like it was so common his friends should already know who she was. He never used women’s names. It was always the girl from last night, or that girl in the black dress. “I guess the paramedics removed it while they were working on me, or maybe it just slipped off. She found it though and gave it back yesterday.”
Will and Robin exchanged a look. “What?”
“Nothing,” Robin supplied.
Will wasn’t ready to let it go so easily though. “Ya, I’m just a bit confused mate. You see, we spoke to Regina and between all of the production crew, grounds keepers, and contestants, no one seems to have known about the entrance to that balcony.”
“And your point is?”
Will walked towards him with a definite strut in his gait. “It just seems a bit odd that you would be up there, or that this ‘friend’ of yours knew where to find you. Ya know, unless you had planned on meeting ‘er up there.”
“Will, I’ve already told you, it’s not like that. We’re just friends.”
“Ya, keep telling yourself that, mate.”
Both men finished their beers before excusing themselves to leave, explaining that they still had some work to do on their current operation. Before they left, Killian pulled Robin aside to ask him for a favor. Killian still wasn’t ready to speak to Regina yet, but he needed her to pull a few strings and do him a favor.
Emma hadn’t planned on finding her way to the docks. She had meant to wander aimlessly through the gardens, but before she knew where she was going, she started to smell the salt in the air.
When she reached the waterfront, she sat down and let her legs dangle over the edge. The tide had come in and the water was almost to her feet. She sat there for a long time, letting the breeze hit her face. It had helped to calm her.
She wasn’t sure how long she had been there before she heard footsteps approaching.
“Ruby, I swear to God, if you say more one more word about him I’ll shove one of your sky-high stilettos up your ass. “
“Sorry, love, but I’m not into that kind of play.”
Emma cringed at Killian’s voice. She had been certain that it was Ruby coming to track her down. It hadn’t even occurred to her that Killian liked coming to watch the water too.
“So this ‘he’ that you referred to, is he a friend or foe?”
Emma looked over to Killian who had come to sit next to her. Smiling at him she responded coyly. “That remains to be seen.”
Killian cocked one eyebrow up at her with a lopsided grin on his face. Emma rolled her eyes at him. “It’s nothing. Ruby seems to think that there’s something going on between us and won’t let up about it.”
“And why would she think such a thing?” he teased.
“Oh I don’t know, perhaps it’s all of the clandestine meetings we’ve been having.” She chuckled a little. “I think finding out that you and I had a shared secret balcony set her off.”
“Ah, and what would she say if she knew about the torrid love affair we’ve been carrying on out here at the docks?” He shot her shit-eating grin.
Both of them stared out at the waves for a while before Killian interrupted the silence. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, what happened to your eye?”
Emma furrowed her brows. There was nothing wrong with her eye. Killian raised his fingers and gently brushed them over the now healing gash above her left eye.
“Oh, that. I got in a fight with a unicorn.”
Killian was kind enough to let it go at that, but she knew he wanted to press her further.
“Let’s just say that having twenty some odd horny women locked up in a house together isn’t the most peaceful way to spend a weekend.”
Emma watched as Killian’s eyes widened, understanding. He gently grabbed her chin and pulled her face towards him so that they were only inches apart. Her lungs became paralyzed as she felt warm puffs of his breath hitting her face.
He studied the gash for a moment before looking her straight in the eyes.
“Are you okay?
His genuine concern startled her. She could feel her heart starting to race as he looked at her with worry.
She swallowed loudly. “It’s nothing really. You should she the other girls.” She tried to smile at him but he was overwhelming her and she wanted to run again.
“Oh, speaking of,” she growled out, changing the subject. “My antics, as it was put to me, didn’t go unnoticed. I was just informed that I’m being branded as the shows ‘bad girl.’”
“What?” The previously concerned look on his face had shifted to confusion.
“I’m supposed to seduce you, while stirring up trouble and picking fights with the other girls behind your back.”
Killian gave a genuine laugh. “Emma Fowler, the bad girl of prime-time TV.”
Emma gave him a very pointed look.
“I’m joking of course. This whole thing is just entirely too ridiculous sometimes.”
“On that end I can agree.”
Killian’s laughter had finally died down. “Well at least it means they plan on keeping you around. I know it’s not really what you were hoping for, but for the sake of my own sanity I’m glad you’re not going anywhere too soon.”
Emma felt a slight flutter in her stomach but wasn’t sure why. Yes, Killian was an attractive man, and when he wasn’t a drunken fool she could understand why women were drawn to him. She just wasn’t one of those women.
“So tell me, Emma. How are you planning on going about seducing me? Just so I can make sure to act accordingly, of course.”
There was a sight glimmer in his eye as he watched her. The fluttering almost doubled, but she did her best to push it down.
“Oh, that’s the easy part.” She gave him a sultry smile. “Here, stand up.”
As both of them stood, Emma placed herself so that she was standing directly in front of him.
“You see, seducing a man is much simpler than seducing a woman. There’s no mind games, no intricate word play involved. It’s all about tactile sensations. First, there’s smell. A good perfume can do wonders for enticing a man.”
She watched him nod in acknowledgment.
“Next, we have touch.”
As she said it, she lightly brushed her fingers against his forearm, dragging them softly up to his bicep. She leaned forwards towards him just close enough to whisper in his ear.
“And then there’s sound,” she whispered close enough that her lips brushed the shell of his ear. She felt him tense. “Men respond to low sultry voices.”
She leaned back again so that his eyes were trained on her face. She saw his jaw clenching and knew that her efforts were having the intended affect of him.
“There’s sight.” She let her tongue graze across her lips wetting them. His eyes fell downwards. “And finally, there’s taste.”
He closed his eyes and leaned forward, trying to close the distance between them. For a moment, Emma almost let him. She almost let herself want it, but her flight instinct kicked in and she took a step back.
“See? Easy.”
She watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he took a hard swallow. She was having a difficult time catching her own breath and needed to get away.
“I see. That’s, um, good information to have.” he choked out.
Both of them stood in silence trying to regain control over their bodies. Emma had only meant to rile Killian up, but somehow she had set herself off as well.
“I, uh,” he stammered breaking the silence. “I should probably get back. I have a one-on-one date set up with Tink. We’re glamping overnight, whatever that means.”
With that, Emma deflated, feeling like she had been kicked in the stomach. “Oh, I didn’t realize you were filming again already.”
“Aye, I have to make up for all the lost time this week.”
Almost sensing her thoughts he continued. “I, uh, I tried to ask for you, thinking it would be less awkward having an intimate date with someone I knew, but I don’t actually get much say in any of this as I guess you can imagine.”
Emma nodding back at him watching him toy with that nervous spot behind his ear. “Well I should let you go, I guess.”
Killian lingered for a moment, looking like he wanted to say more but just didn’t know how. Eventually he excused himself, leaving Emma to watch the water alone and wonder why she was so bothered by the idea of him spending a night alone in the woods with another woman.
When Killian arrived back at the cottage, makeup and wardrobe were already waiting for him. They readied him quickly, leaving him with a more rustic look. This was possibly the first time he had ever worn plaid in his life and he found that he didn’t hate it as much as he thought he would.
After he was finished, he was met outside with a small crowd. There was a town car that would take him, Tink, Mary Margaret and David, the main camera guy to their campsite. A small filming crew would follow behind them in small van.
David filmed Killian helping Tink into the town car before following her into the back seat. He also filmed them driving away into the sunset for thirty seconds before the car was ordered to turn back around. When it came back, Mary Margaret and David squeezed into the opposite side of the car so they could film the drive.
“The drive is going to take roughly an hour so I need you two to banter for a while for the camera,” Mary Margaret informed them. “Nothing sexual though!”
David turned to Mary Margaret giving her a quizzical look. She responded with a shake of her head before turning back to Tink and Killian.
“I guess we should start then.” Tink was ecstatic. “Thank you so much for asking me on this date. I’m really honored that out of all of the women in the house you picked me to get to know better.
Killian forced a smile, knowing damn well that she wasn’t his pick. “Well, lass, I look forward to seeing what this night brings us.”
They made small talk for a while, about how excited she was to be in the woods overnight, and her love of trees. As Tink made a joke about her love of wood, she brushed a finger up and down Killian’s forearm.
Killian tried his best to hide his smile, not wanted to lead her on. But when she leaned in and whispered something in his ear, he couldn’t help erupting in laughter. He hadn’t even heard what she said to him. He could only think about Emma, and her girls guide to seduction. They were only thirty minutes into the drive and Tink had already made her way through half of the list.
The only difference between Emma showing him and Tink actually using the methods was that Tink was having zero effect on him.
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