#I KNOW THE LIGHTING IS REAL UGLY ON SOME I TRIED SO HARD YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE

[houseofperfecttaste]

Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun(2)

Outer Banks x Teen Wolf PT.2

WARNINGS: Fighting scars, , R@pe talk.

*This isn't going to follow the Teen Wolf movie plot exactly because I wanna get right to the point in some areas. For the sake of the story pretend Dereks loft was in the middle of the woods :)*

It's been about five years since you left Beacon Hills and you and Rafe have been together for those five years. Your life has been quiet thank god, not having to deal with the supernatural for years. You've of course talked to Scott, your mom, and some of the others on occasion. No one in Outer Banks knows your secret but they're definitely starting to be suspicious of some of the scars on your body, wounds that your super healing couldn't fully heal. The group including Rafe also noticed your eyes glowing when you got insanely pissed at a guy one night. Rafe was always the one to comment on the scars that ran across your back.

It was after a 10-hour shift at The Wreck and you had been sleeping over Rafes for the past couple of days so you headed over after work hopping in his shower. You knew he would be home soon after a long day at the course. You were letting the water cascade down your body and you heard the door open knowing it was Rafe. "Hey ba-" His sentence was cut short when seeing the laceration scars across your back. "What are these?" Rafe whispered running his finger across them.

"I don't want to talk about it. Bad memories." You whispered back leaning back into him his arms wrapping around your waist kissing your shoulder. "Okay, baby. I'm all ears if you ever wanna talk." He reassured smiling against my neck and running his hands over my stomach. "You wouldn't understand Rafe. Very few can understand." He didn't know what to say knowing that if you said he wouldn't understand you meant it and he didn't want to push it. He didn't let him stop from wondering what happened to you. He wasn't stupid he knew they were whip lacerations and the thought of that happening to you made him sick. He would probably have a heart attack if he found out everything.

You were at Rafes end of summer party and everyone was wasted out of their minds. You were drunk as hell due to the wolfs-bane in your drink. During the summer you made friends with a girl at your job and you became very good friends and you guys knew each other's secrets (most of them.) One thing you knew is that she had a restraining order against her r@pist. You were standing in the kitchen sipping on your mixed drink looking around the party. Your eyes landed on the drunken girl and the same guy she told you about. You slammed your drink down marching over and pushing him away from her.

"Get the fuck away from her." Your voice was stern and hard glaring at him. "It's fine, she's my girlfriend." He tried making your face turn in disgust and your glare turning even harsher. "I'll call the cops right fucking now." He put his hands up in defense a smile on his ugly ass face knowing I knew. "I'm innocent, the bitch is just fucking crazy." You cocked your head to the side your tongue poking your cheek. "What the fuck did you just say? I'm gonna give you a chance to walk away." He crossed his arms thinking he would win just because he was bigger than me. I could fucking kill him in a second if I wanted to.

When he realized I wasn't to back down he scoffed turning to walk away. "It's not r@pe if she liked it." He said under his breath and you grabbed his shoulder turning him around and punching him right in the middle of his face. A whole circle formed around you guys including Kie, Rafe, JJ, Pope, and so on and so forth. You threw multiple punches at him your face stone cold as the pogues and Rafe were watching in shock and terror. They've never seen you angry and this went from 0 to 100 real quick. Since they were all relatively in front of you they all could've sworn they saw your eyes glow red. They never said anything they just blamed it on the strobe lights.

You were sleeping in Rafes' bed on your side of the bed the same dream occurring the past few months. It was Allison well a form of Allison and she was in distress screaming for help and it's all that would happen before the dream ended. This time she seemed so real, the screams sounded real and you were there with her trying to save her but she kept getting farther away. "Allison! Allison! Allison!" You chanted in your dream. Rafe woke up to you screaming a name in fear and hyperventilating in your sleep. "Baby! Y/N! Y/N!" He shook you until you woke up and your eyes shot open tears rolling down your face as you were sweating and your chest heaving.

"You're safe baby. You're okay I'm here." He moved the blankets off of you to cool you down and turned his fan on sitting in front of you on the bed. "Are you okay love?" He rubbed his hands up and down your arms as you nodded even though you weren't. "Can I ask something?" He knew not to ask about your past but it was worth a shot. "Of course." You whispered grabbing the water from the nightstand. "Who's Allison?" You took a gulp of your water slowly putting the cap back on deciding on whether to say anything or not.

"Uh, she was my best friend. My brother's first love. She died for me. She pushed me out of the way. We couldn't save her." You whispered closing your eyes as you relived one of the worst nights of your life. "I'm so sorry baby. But that's not your fault, she loved you and you can't blame yourself for not being able to save her." He tried to reassure. The thing was you would've been able to save her but she wasn't in pain, you can't take away pain if there's none. "Goodnight baby." You kissed him laying back down with Rafe wrapping his arms around you from behind. When you woke up you informed Rafe that you were going to go back home(new home) for a few days to clear your mind.

You were chilling in your room watching tv when all of a sudden you got a text from Liam only saying 'We got a problem.' You sat up in bed abruptly. You called Liam chewing your lip. "What kind of fucking problem?" You immediately asked when he picked up the phone. "I'm good Y/N, how are you." You laughed at his sassiness pinching the bridge of your nose. "Yeah, I'm great Dunbar. What is the problem?" "Uh, the Nogistune escaped. Onis are back. You know same old same old." You knew he was nervous and you gulped hard. "How'd he escape?" "A hooded figure freed him. I don't know who it is." "Okay, I'll be back in Beacon Hills as soon as possible." You hung up calling Scott immediately after.

"Liam text you?" He immediately asked. "Yeah with no explanation at all." You laughed as did he agreeing Liam did the same thing to him. "Dunbar hasn't changed. So are you going back to Beacon Hills?" "I don't think I have a choice, Scott. I'm packing now and I'll be back home the first chance I get. It's going to come back after us and we'll get killed if we don't fight." The conversation continued as you grabbed your bag and keys leaving the house and heading to the airport texting your aunt and uncle saying you were going back home for a few. Kie hid behind the bathroom door so she wouldn't be caught eavesdropping on your conversation. Kiara heard you leave the house but you were already long gone. Kie rushed out of the house heading to the Chateau texting Sarah to have Rafe head there too.

"Guys! Guys!" She yelled sprinting up to the porch and flinging the door open. "You good Kie?" JJ asked standing up and heading over to her and she shook her head. "It's Y/N, she's going back home and she was on the phone with her brother talking about how something is after them and they might get killed." She rushed out in one breath and everyone was confused telling her to slow down. "What the fuck do you mean she'll get killed?" Rafe asked standing up and running his hands over his buzzcut. "I don't know Rafe! All I heard was that if they don't fight they get killed! It's all I heard!" The whole group started stressing and worrying sitting down and putting their heads in their hands.

"Okay well, the only option is to go to Beacon Hills after her," Cleo said with a shrug acting like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Alright, let's go." JJ piped up not about to sit around while his friend is in danger. "How the hell are we going to get there?" Pope asked the reasonable question. Rafe and Sarah looked at each other smirking. "Ward's private jet." They all went their separate ways packing and Sarah was of course able to get Ward to give her the plane. They all met up at the plane and loaded their things before starting their journey to California.

You had arrived at Beacon Hills four hours later texting Scott saying he was back at home and that Mom was at work. You entered the house, and Scott instantly wrapped you in his arms. "I've missed you." You whispered into his shoulder hugging him tightly. "I've missed you too." You felt him smile against your head. You guys pulled away and you saw Argent, Lydia, and Derek standing in the kitchen. You hugged all of them then all sat around discovering that you, Scott, Lydia, and Argent have been having the same nightmare/vision about Allison.

"We gotta save Allison," Scott said and you all agreed and found the ritual that you all had to do to help her. You, Scott, Lydia, and Malia made your way into the forest during the night heading to the Nemeton to perform the ritual to break her free. You guys started walking away when nothing started to happen but as you started walking you heard the tree start crackling and when you turned around the stump was glowing and soon enough a naked Allison was laying on the tree stump unconscious. You rushed her to the hospital, your mom getting her into a room.

When Allison woke up she snuck out of her room and you all split up to try and find her but she kicked your asses each time someone got a hold of her. She left the hospital while you and Scott ran into Argent and Deacon. You all looked at each other and ran after Allison but she was already gone. "She didn't recognize me," Argent said and Scott agreed. "She was expecting me to say my last name was.." "Hale." Scott and Argent said at the same time. "We need to find Derek." You said looking at Scott and both of you got in his truck using your senses to find him.

"We need to find Derek. Now." You and Scott were able to track him to the high school to see Liam and Hikari standing over Derek ready to fight Allison who was holding her crossbow but ran.

"Go after her, I got Derek." You said heading over to him ripping off a part of your shirt to place on his neck trying to slow and stop the blood. "Eli- find Eli." Derek choked out and you looked up at Liam. "Find him." You told Liam and him and his girlfriend ran off leaving you with Derek. "Stop talking. I got you." You were able to drag him to the car but as soon as you got him in arrows were shot into the tires. You turned around to see Allison walking towards you her crossbow raised at you.

You put your hands up in defense not wanting to have to fight Allison. The Pogues and Rafe tracked your location to the high school and hid in the bushes when seeing you exit the building but to their surprise, you weren't alone. "What the fuck?" Kie gasped when seeing you were carrying someone who was missing a piece of their throat. They watched as you loaded the mystery man into a truck and as a brunette shot the tires and was stalking toward you. "I just want Derek Hale," Allison stated holding her crossbow at your head and you shook your head. "You're not getting him." "Looks like I'll just have to kill you for him."

You knew if Derek didn't get help soon his chance of surviving was low. Allison shot an arrow at you and you caught it throwing it on the ground. She throws her crossbow on the ground grabs her knives and runs toward you swinging at you but you duck and dodge every swing she took at you trying not to fight her. Sheriff Stilinski pulled up and you yelled at him to get Derek in the back of the cop car and take him to the old loft. "Why does that look exactly like Allison?" Sheriff yelled as he and Mason dragged Derek out of the truck and you kept Allison away. "Because it is Allison!" Sheriff's mouth dropped but he knew he didn't have time to talk to you about it at the moment.

Rafe's mouth dropped when hearing you say that because just two days ago you told him that Allison was dead. That she died for you and here he was witnessing you fighting her. Allison cut your knee making you fall and she was about to stab you until Scott ran over and tackled her. "Go with Derek. I got this." You nodded climbing into the car and speeding off. The Pogues left when you left and found a little motel to stay at for the time being. "Okay, so there's a lot to unpack from what we just saw." John B said and everyone nodded never being so confused in their lives.

"T-That girl is supposed to be dead," Rafe said sitting on the bed and running his hands over his buzzcut. "How do you know?" JJ looked at him suspiciously. "The other night Y/N had a nightmare and was screaming 'Allison' in her sleep. When I woke her up she said Allison was her best friend and that she died for Y/N. She pushed Y/N out of the way of something and she got killed." "Well, she looked pretty alive to me," Cleo said making Rafe roll his eyes, he didn't know how that girl was alive but he knew she was supposed to be dead.

Tags: @wh0reforbucknasty @nemtodd-barnes1923 @buckysjuicyplums @queenvane64

#teen wolf #mccall pack #outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron imagine #rafe x reader #teen wolf cast #scott mcall #derek hale #allison

[justice4billiam]

Billy Hargrove/Original Female Character Warnings: Being buried alive, Deathy stuff, Sexual innuendoes, Eventual Smut, Blood, People being mean, honestly more warnings to come. Summary: Billy wakes up sometime after dying at the hands of the mind bitch. After taking a dirt nap, Billy finds himself wondering what the actual fuck happened. He watched as some ugly bastard tried taking Max before...Kate Bush...? Started playing, and suddenly, Max was returning to the real world. He treks across the disgusting and dangerous universe that shitbird called "The Upside Down" to get back in time to help her from becoming demon meat and finds help along the way. 1,429-word count

Chapter 1 ->

PROLOGUE

March 21st, 1986

My eyes burned..no scratch that; my whole fucking body burned.

Disoriented, I tried to rub the burn from my eyes, but my arms wouldn't budge. In fact, my muscles felt like they were on fire, burning from the inside out; I clenched my teeth from the pain. Teeth, oh good, At least I still have fucking teeth. There's hope for me yet.

My heart felt like it was gonna beat right out of fucking my chest from how hard it was thumping in my ribcage; I couldn't breathe; the atmosphere felt stale, and I felt like I couldn't get a full breath in; there were coming in short spurts and god my head…My brain spun inside my skull, you know, like how it feels when you go on that spinning ride, the ones at those shitty fucking fairs? Yeah, those ones.

The roaring in my ears was loud; I couldn't hear my fucking thoughts. Everything is wrong; it feels wrong. How did I get here? There was no light; I couldn't see a damn thing. I wouldn't know from an ass or a tit right now.

Minutes passed

Or maybe it was hours…

I wouldn't know.

Finally, for what felt like forever, the spinning quit, and the blood rushing in my ears was dying down. Being able to finally have some sense, I took a deep breath. Still stale.

There was a tingling throughout my body, like it was slowly coming to relax, so I tried moving my arms again, this time with some success, as I gradually raised my hands above my face.

Everything felt foreign, like these weren't my hands; this body didn't feel like mine. My fingers felt prickly as I flexed them in front of me, still unable to see anything. I felt so stiff like my body hadn't moved in a long time.

What the absolute fuck is going on? I can't remember anything; everything felt so hazy.

I spread my arms, trying to flex the painful muscles back into working condition; when my hands collided with a surface just a couple of inches above me, I thought the texture felt familiar, silk.

A silk wall? Where the fuck am I?

My anxiety increased as I blindly felt about in the dark, only to discover the wall reached around the sides and top of me too. That's definitely not good. Closed in…closed in what?

Alarmed, I thrashed around, legs and arms lashing out; as I attempted to sit up quickly, I smacked my head, slamming back down onto what I now realize is the same silk texture.

I swore, bringing my hand to my forehead. Jesus Christ, that hurt. I massaged the intense pain piercing my head as I looked around in the darkness surrounding me, hoping some light would peak through someplace.

"HELLO?! WHERE AM I?! GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" I shouted, my voice hoarse and cracking like I hadn't spoken in forever. I waited for any kind of sound or acknowledgment…

No reaction

I began bashing on the walls, wildly hitting anywhere I could reach. "I swear to god! When I get the fuck out of here, you're dead, you hear me? Fucking dead!!!" I persisted, my voice being swallowed up in the hollow abyss again.

Still nothing

Dropping my hands to my sides, I realize I'm alone. All alone.

Dread crawled up my spine into my chest and squeezed my painful heart; terror began to set in. My body began to shake, and every breath became more difficult as the air seemed thinner, my head reeling out of sheer panic.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Alright, get it the fuck together before you pass out from being a pussy. Deep breaths…in…out…in…out…Think, god damn it. Where was I last? As I lay there trying to recollect my thoughts, the memories hit me like a semi… everything connected. The mall…

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. NO, NO, NO. Maxine. No! I have to get out of here.

Think, Think, Think. Ugh, what I do for a damn cigarette right now. I ran my hands over my damp face trying to focus. Reaching around and patting the floor below me, I searched the space for something useful; my hand brushed against an object. Taking hold, I quickly realized what it was. A flashlight. Fuck yeah.

Fumbling to turn it on, you turned it over a few times in your hands, trying to find the switch. Switching it on, the once-dark space now lit up. Shit! I accidentally dropped the flashlight on my face shielding my eyes. It felt like a damn flash bang. Judging by the stinging it brought on, I haven't been in the light for a long time.

After rubbing at my eyes for a minute, they adjusted; Squinting, I picked up the flashlight to get an actual glimpse around. This only confused me as I looked around at my cramped position.

Wait, I'm in a fucking box.

Everywhere I looked, there were dark blue silk-covered walls. No…why does this look like a..a..fucking coffin?! I'm in a goddamn coffin. Did I die? Am I dead? Maybe it's hell then..but my heart is beating. Did I get buried alive? I need to get the fuck out of here…if I am alive, I won't make it much longer once I run out of oxygen.

Fuck.

With a jagged sigh, I placed the flashlight facing up against the side of my leg and got to work, aggressively tearing the fabric above me. Pinewood, that's good; it means I have a chance.

Here goes nothing; I dig my nails into the wood, scraping and clawing at it. Ahh fuck! Splinters embed themselves in my skin, mingling with the sweat and blood that now coats my hands. Each scrape and tear fuels my anger as I refuse to let the pain stop me. Gritting my teeth, I kept going. My knuckles are raw and bleeding. "FUCK!"

The wood cries out in protest, its fibers failing to my persistent attack. A rush of adrenaline courses through me, and anticipation fills me at the small progress. I widen the gap, creating a small opening through which dirt starts to pour in. I thrust my palms against the weakened barrier—the wood splinters and cracks under the force of distress. I widen the hole; further, my heart pounding in rhythm with each labored breath. The earth was suffocating my air.

Muscles strained and quivering, I thrust myself upward, shoulders pushing against the confining walls of the coffin. I take one final inhale of air and hold it in as soil cascades around me, breaking free of the box. Forcing my feet up, I dug through the dirt, desperately trying to find the surface. Starting to feel lightheaded from holding my breath, I hesitated.

Come on pussy; you can do it! Keep going, Your Billy fucking Hargrove. You went down on Rachel Bennett for Ten fucking minutes in the 9th grade without coming up for air. This aint shit, you can do this!

A sliver of clear surface emerged through the soil above me; the still stale atmosphere carried a hint of freshness, a promise of fucking freedom. With a final surge of strength, I broke the earth's surface, gasping for sweet fucking air.

Taking large gulps of it, I dug my hands into the ground, clawing my way out and hauling the rest of my body onto the dirt floor. There, I fucking did it. Rolling over onto my back, I looked up at the sky…er…what I thought was the sky. It was dark and raining. No, not rain..something else that made breathing a bit hard, but nothing like being fucking buried alive puts shit into perspective, I'd say.

Taking in my surroundings, something caught my eye. My name. Sitting up, I came face to face with my tombstone. I sucked in a sharp breath.

WILLIAM HARGROVE

MAR. 29. 1967

JUL. 4. 1985

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

July 4th…

Flashes of that fugly fucking monster drilling me in the chest came to mind; I frantically felt around my body for the wounds.

Nothing. There was not even a scratch on me other than my bloody and torn-up hands from climbing out of my grave.

I don't understand.

"I don't understand!"

Thunder erupts in the clouds, illustrating the red skies.

"I don't understand!" "What do you mean? I don't understand!!"

I remember. The skies..this place. This fucking place. What did I overhear Max call it?… The Upside down? Yeah, yeah, that's it.

I'm in the fucking Upside Down.

Chapter 1 ->

#billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove #billy hargove imagine #billy hargrove x original character #billy hargrovexoc #billy hargrove x female reader #billy hargrove deserved better #pro billy hargrove #billy hargove x reader #billy hargrove x y/n

[inferniso]

a kiss after treating a wound

(

(the sorrow's mostly embers, nowadays. funny they're doing this for someone who...)

rough squint, gentle hands. they fuss over the tear in her pants and the skinned bit of knee — procuring a little thing of salve from somewhere under their cloak, cleaning and bandaging the scrape.

he doesn't even know if things like this really hurt her — doesn't know if he forgives her fully, doesn't know if she's really aware of what she's done in full. but it's the principle of the whole thing, damn it. he cant ignore someone who's so...

ugh. someone who's so warm, y'know?

so this, too, is a kind of wish, the same way she'd wished on his behalf, pressed featherlight on the skin above the bandage. even if it's not real, even if it doesn't work, the wish is set afloat either way; a wishy-washy prayer of healing. for her, maybe for more than just her knee. (maybe for himself, for where the grief used to char...)

they huff. this is ridiculous. (this is only the human thing to do.)

"there, all better.")

Idunn didn't mean to cause any trouble. She had decided to busy herself with a few tasks to help out some of her fellow students. Fetch a few supplies here, carry a few documents there--simple things, that require not any sort of talent but the hard work and commitment she tries to foster in herself. It was going well, too, until she took a sudden fall. A snag in the road got the better of her, while eyes of ruby and shining emerald were distracted by a crowd of her peers.

They move like fish whenever they're busy. She finds it hard not to be captivated by the lives humans lead.

Lucky for her, Chad was nearby. Chad who taught her wishmaking, who showed her that every one of the world's flowers has a purpose. Some give off lovely scents for her to smell on the way to class, others lend their vibrant colors to dyemakers so they can weave beauty into silk--and dandelion seeds are the hands of heaven, carrying wishes wherever they go.

She winces. She looks like she's about to cry.

Idunn's manakete form is delicate by draconic standards. Chained and alone for centuries, it had ample time for its hide to soften. With nothing to sate her hunger, nothing to replenish her spirit for so long, she had to make accommodations to conserve strength. Miracle it may be that she survived with no intake of energy, she has grown weaker as a result. Factor in the strength it took to hold up the Dragon Temple before she collapsed, and one could understand why pain is a very real sensation to her.

"...Thank you." Muttered just beneath a breath. Hackles raised and scales primed, her body tenses up to their touch, yet her mind and soul know better--that the thief means her no harm. There is an unsure look in their eyes which she isn't ignorant of, but that they press on is proof their hearts are connected. Idunn finds the will to hold firm, to not budge when the cool sensation of their salve stings her open wound. They're already a saint to her, nevermind the fact that she hasn't earned any of her blessings. To trouble them any further wouldn't be fair.

"I wasn't looking. I'll pay attention next time." Said as though reciting a passage of text in class. The dragon peers down at her now-bandaged wound, twisting her ankle to view the entire scar. The blood might've frightened her, if it wasn't a reminder that she has a heart to send it coursing through her body. That she is alive.

The kiss comes next, and her mouth opens wide in reaction. "Chad...!" she nearly wants to shout, asking how they could offer so much kindness. But experiences are proving that this is simply human nature, to walk hand-in-hand. People are like seeds. They aren't born with ugly roots or fetid stems. The darkness in humanity grows in barren soil, away from light and water and care. Need creates struggle, struggle creates anger, anger creates hate. If the world had enough beauty for everyone, then malice would be traded for smiles--sorrow for joy.

(Then the wish of His Highness would have stayed pure. He wasn't a bad person, just a desperate one--with a dagger twisted into his heart by the world.)

So she sighs, and her face shields itself with a dusted pink. She allows Chad's thoughts and actions and hope to touch more than just her skin. The hand that rose up to cover her gasp falls, along with its twin, to lift the thief by the shoulders. "You have a beautiful heart," again, spoken as fact, "...Don't let anything happen to it."

Using what delicate force this form can muster, Idunn pulls them to their feet. With her chin held high and eyes squeezed shut, she returns a kiss to their forehead--mindful not to ruffle their hair. Maybe, had she said these words to the king long ago, things could have been different.

It is now her duty to ensure history doesn't repeat itself.

#IC #ASKBOX #LYCIANLYNX #//leoooooooooooooooo #//LEOOOOOOOOOO #//im gonna Get You

[riflewounds]

Whumptober, day 15 | Emotional Damage (breathing through the pain)

Footsteps, two men. Metal dragging against the hard ground. Heavy. Thick. Durant forced himself to face the noise, corner of his mouth twitching at the sight.

A crowbar. Bent piece of hardened steel capable of lifting manhole covers with ease. A tool, now used to usher agony upon the powerless.

He tried to move, tried to raise his hands, but they wouldn't budge. Tied down. Every limb secured to a horrible wooden chair with two thick zip ties per limb. 

"Well, well, well. Look who's up," the taller of the two spoke, the gunman watched as the crowbar left the ground and landed in the taller man's grasp. The slap of cold hard metal against skin sent shivers down his nape, a sickening feeling, knowing what would come. 

"Now tell me. Who's the other guy?" 

Not a word, not a word you dog.

"Well? We don't have all day, buddy."

Not a fucking word.

The taller of the two weighed the crowbar in his hands, there was that sickening slap again. Durant peeked between his bangs, staring at the man's hands. The shorter one stood by the door for a while, before he too moved closer, halting some six feet away from the bound gunman. "I suggest you talk, if you know what's good for you"

"That a threat?" 

The shorter man scoffed at these half-assed displays of defiance. "You wouldn't know a threat even if I'd walk you through one."

A smile tugged at the gunman's lip. A sly little thing. He wouldn't budge, he wouldn't let them know anything. Fuchs was still alive. And if he wasn't, he wouldn't talk either.

Another one of his... policies. Speak nothing of the old masters, let their memory die (except the one he couldn't forget). 

Not a word, pup.

Not a word. 

A quiet little promise to himself and anyone he ever worked for, be they dead or alive. Even though he worked with Fuchs for a little over a year, year and a half, he still had a reputation to uphold. A reputation of absolute adherence to his contract.

"What did he say his name was? Dee?" 

"Dee?" the taller man scoffed, "That's a stupid fucking name."

Not a real name, that's why it sounded so stupid, cunt.

"So. Dee. Who's the guy you were with yesterday?" 

The gunman looked at the man standing in front of him. "Wouldn't you wanna know--"

And the crowbar came down on his leg. Hard.

He screamed. He felt the bone give, femur cracking under the strike.

"I'm running out of patience here."

Other leg would follow. Then again. And again. Until his legs were nothing but a broken mangled mess with no hope of ever growing back again.

"I'll ask again. Who was he?"

Razor sharp pain slicing away at the musculature of his thigh, congealing by the tendons close to the knee, so sharp and violent he forgot how to breathe for a moment. 

Air came out of him in jagged spurts, much like the shattered bone itself, and no matter how hard he tried to keep quiet, moans and whimpers of utter agony managed to weasel out of his throat.

Pathetic. So very pathetic. And I believed in your silence, puppy.

The cold metal of the crowbar nudged his chin, angled it upwards, forced him to see the face of the man so intent on beating the answer out of him. An ugly, ugly face, a mug only a mother would truly love. The gunman stared at him with bared teeth, soul of a rabid wounded dog forced into the confines of a human. 

"Come on. We can do this all day."

Do not speak, puppy.

It took every little crumb of willpower to wrangle his mouth into cooperation. "I know." 

The crowbar barely left his chin and already it smashed into his other leg. A raw howl tore out of the depths of his lungs, snapping his voice in two and sapping all air out of him as his nape slammed into the wooden backrest, white dots dancing across his vision. He could swear his flesh was splitting wide open, shards of bone digging into muscle and tendons and other tissue. 

"This is kinda fun, actually."

Fun?!

Durant sucked in a horribly tense breath, it barely made it past his throat. Those lights in his sight were still there, moving in unpredictable patterns like sprites, and no amount of blinking made them go away. Nothing. Still there, still flashing through his cloudy sight, still drifting like tadpoles in a pond. 

Breathe, breathe--

The shorter of the two stepped closer, almost brushing up against the taller one. "I don't think he'll talk."

He chuckled, heavy crowbar once again resting against the growing bruise over the last break. Something moved in the gunman's leg, something moved and the feeling itself sent ripples of nausea through his guts.

"At least I'll get to have some fun for once," the taller one spoke, nudging his crowbar into the break. Another yowl, another blood-curdling scream dying down into a choked moan. The tiny jagged knives in his leg, Durant felt them shift and move and tear deeper into his flesh.

"You know, you make very nice noises, Dee."

The gunman sucked in another lungful of air, fighting tooth and claw to keep it there for at least a few seconds. Only then he let it all out in one forced motion. 

He felt the small gust of wind as the crowbar lifted off his leg, before it slammed into his side.

Another horrible crack, his lungs seized at the sharp stab between his ribs, another clash only adding to the cacophony of pain sounding through his bones and flesh.

"Try not to kill him. Please."

Which one was that? The short guy, or the ugly tall one?

The gunman couldn't tell. Nor did he particularly care. There was that darkness again, licking away at his sight. The peaceful respite he didn't want to fall into. He needed to know. He needed to see what they'd do to him.

But his lungs didn't seem to agree, they refused any of his attempts to draw a deeper breath. There was that crunching sound with every breath, barely making it through the haze of pain dulling his every sense. Dimming his sight, only the fleeting bright lights remained as he allowed his eyelids to fall shut. 

He didn't try to stop the darkness.

#whumptober2022 #no.15 #emotional damage #breathing through the pain #OC #fic

[morefandomscenarios]

A/N: I've never done a songfic before (and I'm probably horrible at this) but I was in the One Piece headspace, this song came up on my playlist, and the idea struck me so hard I can't help but want to try putting it into words... So here you go, I guess.

PS. Take care. My askbox is always open 💛

Song: Dreamy Night by LilyPichu [ ▶️ YouTube | 🎧 Spotify ]

⛔️ TWs | 🏷 Tags: fluff, angst, trauma, depression, suicidal thoughts

1 AM, eyes closed, I'm slowly falling To the music and the atmosphere

The submarine's engine hums pleasantly in Law's ears, along with the crinkles of paper and the sound of his pen scratching against paper. If he focuses hard enough, he thinks he can hear some muffled snores from the other rooms, probably from Shachi - his friend's habit stubbornly persisting despite the doctor's efforts to try and help.

Now and then, I feel lights fading softly All over me and I remember last year

Seeing a few dark spots in his vision, he tries to blink them away. Unfortunately they persist, obstructing his vision, and he sighs in response. His joints crack as he stretches his arms upwards, elongating his poor spine and hissing when a sudden cramp seizes his right leg. He's used to pain, being a survivor of the Amber Lead disease, so he forces his legs straight and waits it out, his memory taking him back to his early young days.

When I was alone in my bed With all these thoughts in my head And living silently inside

On his worst nights, every single cell of his body would be screaming in pain, and he would curl into himself, trembling, cold, angry, wishing that death would just come to him quicker. Cursing his fate, repeatedly asking why did he have to survive, why was he so ready to die but too cowardly to end it himself. All the darkness and desperation, bottled up inside such a small body, inside a mind too young, inside a heart so horribly broken.

It's so late in the night, my mind is drifting away Then I dream about times I wished for a new happier day

Law inhales shakily as the throbbing on his leg eases away, but remembering his child self brings him a new type of ache. The worst pain that even the best doctors can't help with. His nose scrunches. He knows it's not real, but he swears he can somehow smell it in the air - the faint smell of cigarette smoke and faux feathers. Hears the quiet, familiar voice, so clear against the muted background noises, like a light in void darkness, the softest heartbeat of a supposedly dead heart. Feels the gentle stroke on his back, the warm arm cradling his smaller form, warm, fatherly, safe, shielding him from the cold winter nights-

If a hand could reach out right now and save my life somehow I'll face the sun again as soon as this dreary night ends

-His eyes snapped open in surprise when a series of knocks resounded in the room.

Don't wanna go down like this My head's in a place that I don't miss

Inked hands rubbed onto his strained eyes, wiping away the tears that had gathered at the corner of his eyes. He's pretty sure his eyes would be bloodshot, but seeing the time on the clock, he supposes he can chalk it up to pulling his usual all-nighters. Wouldn't be his first time - nor his last.

So ugly, so grumpy Sleepin' in the meantime, just stay comfy

Though, with that said, Law doesn't exactly feel like talking to anyone right now. His head feels heavy, his chest still hurts, and the familiar darkness is still lingering within his exhausted mind. With a tired scowl, he eyed his bed, weighing the options. Should he answer, or pretend to be sleeping?

Once everything's said and done I know I'll be okay, I will overcome

More knocks, though this time they're noticeably softer, as if whoever is standing behind the door is starting to hesitate. He sighs deeply before activating his power, moving the door lock so it opens before calling out, "Come in."

I'm hoping, I'm coping, I'm here I remember last year

The door swings open slowly and Law forces a smile when you step inside. Why? He has no idea.

.... No, actually, he does.

He hates showing weakness. Always been, always will. He tenses when you study him softly, not replying to his smile.

"Hey...."

When I was alone in my bed Unhappy thoughts in my head And living silently inside (Inside)

"Are you okay?"

Just keeping all to myself Wished I could be somewhere else Back when I could only hide

".... Why are you asking?"

"Because you don't look okay," you step towards him cautiously, slightly opening your arms, your movements careful and calculated, "Is it okay for me to be here? Can I give you a hug?"

It's never should I leave?, because he'll automatically say yes, not used to allowing people in whenever he's vulnerable. It's never do you need a hug?, because he'll automatically say no, too bashful to admit that he does. You know him so well, and he can't help but wonder, how can you read him like an open book when others are terrified just from hearing his name.

It's so late in the night, my mind is drifting away Then I dream about times I wished for a new happier day

He stands up from his uncomfortable work chair and slumps onto his bed. You follow him wordlessly, gathering him into your arms as you squeeze into a bed that's meant for one person. Law lets you pull a pillow under his head, tuck the blanket over both of your bodies, and tangle your legs with his, grunting at the coldness of your feet but he refuses to pull away.

It's comfortable. Too comfortable, almost. He forces his eyes to stay open, even as you rub soothing circles onto his back and press a soft kiss on top of his head.

If a hand could reach out right now and save my life somehow I'll face the sun again as soon as this dreary night ends

You soon realize the tenseness of his body and hums disapprovingly, looking down into his tired eyes with a saddened frown. He doesn't need to explain, and only in these times he's genuinely glad that you know about his nightmares - how it affects his decision of getting a well-deserved rest and how it affects him mentally even though he tries his best to not show it.

"I promise I'll wake you up before it gets too bad."

Law doesn't answer, just stares into your eyes and the lines of your expression with the same intensity as reading an interesting publication of human anatomy. He doesn't know what he's looking for, but he finds reassurance, sympathy, sadness...

... love.

(It's so late in the night, my mind is) Drifting away

He can feel white fuzz filling his seemingly empty head the longer he's looking at you, the colors and lines slowly blurring, and it seems like you can somehow sense it, because now you're giggling softly and smiling at him.

Then I dream about times I wished for a new happier day

"Sleep. I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

If a hand could reach out right now and save my life somehow

Your fingers caress his cheek, and his eyelids automatically close in response.

I'll face the sun again as soon as this dreary night ends

"Good night, Law."

I'll face the sun again as soon as this dreamy night ends

His consciousness slips.

It's warm.

#one piece #trafalgar law #scenario

[b0rista]

— 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑.

WARNINGS: light angst & swearing.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: he's one of my ultimate favorite snk characters, and i needed to cleanse my page of the heavy ass warrior content djjfjf.

"you're either a blessing, or you're a lesson. either or, you and i met for a reason."

with all of the gore and the misfortune that comes with your livelihood, it's connie that gets you through it.

as expected, you first fell in love with him for his humor. not for the humor itself, but for how it shed the smallest flicker of joy upon a heaping tower of despair— as soldiers, you needed that. fortunately, he was the one that brought it to the table. even during your days as cadets, connie lived to make you laugh. hearing a chuckle flutter from your core served as a form of therapy for him, and with time, he grew addicted.

with that being said, he does the stupidest shit in order to get your attention. even when you're together, he'll do what needs to be done. for example, one time, he tried to impress you by doing a trick while saddled up on his horse. in an attempt to twirl like a jackass ballerina, the horse decided that it deserved better, and kicked him clean off its back. at the sight of his 5'2 ass being hoisted eight feet into the air, you nearly choked.

prepare yourself, he's a cuddler. after a particularly hard day's worth of work, connie finds solace in bedding up with you, knowing that you're safe, and with him. he asks that you don't tell anybody, but he actually really enjoys cuddling as the little spoon. to have his head pressed against your chest, his ear to your heartbeat, brings him comfort. of course, he'll never detest to being your big spoon, either. he absolutely loves the feeling of you buried within his touch.

^ if you ever want to go an evening without cuddling, he'll be immediately offended. never, ever, ever will the two of you fall asleep back to back. he simply won't have it, it makes him feel as if something's wrong. and if that is the case, nobody's falling asleep until you've talked about it and successfully sorted it out.

at the beginning of your guys' relationship, everyone worried for you. did he coerce you, y/n? are you being forced? has he threatened you, has he threatened your family? nobody could grasp the fact that connie motherfuckin' springer had managed to pull you.

if there's any sort of sour talk regarding you, no matter how little it is, this man will leap to your defense. one time, jean called your bedhead ugly, and connie propelled a moldy roll of bread into his forehead. in the end, a massive food fight erupted, and you were just standing there with your bedhead like 🧍‍♀️

HOWEVER, there was an instance that actually led to a genuine, real fight between you two as a couple. you'd managed to scuff up your leg during the battle with kenny the ripper and his associates, and when it came down to who was and who wasn't going to tag along for the eren & historia rescue mission, connie belittled you to the team behind your back. not because he actually felt that way, but because he'd do anything to maintain your safety— even if it meant hurting your feelings. telling captain levi that your abilities were inadequate for that particular mission hurt him, but he did what he felt was necessary.

in the end, though, levi saw through the charade. to connie's dismay, you came with to save eren and historia. and during the entire journey, you didn't even utter a word to him. of course, though, during the battle, you put your frustrations aside. once you saw your lover's head nearly get kicked in during combat, you understood his intentions, and you forgave him. as expected, he replied to your forgiveness with humor,, his go-to coping mechanism.

"considering how sexy i looked on the battlefield, i knew you wouldn't be able to resist."

whenever his hair starts to grow out, you're the one that gets to cut it back down! he's able to do it himself, but he really likes it when you do it. you're typically propped up in his lap, sitting face to face as you file down his edges. he always loops his arms around your waist, intently staring you in the face— seeing you so concentrated on his hair, he can't help it.

you wouldn't expect this from connie whatsoever, but he likes it when you read to him. pick a literature of your choice and let him kick back and rest his head onto your lap, pleasE. he'll close his eyes, and for the first time in forever, stay still. the only time he and books ever coexist is when you're reading one to him. he'll also make fun of you whenever you stumble over a sentence,, so get ready.

the day you realize that this motherfucker is nearing six feet tall, you're ready for the holy spirit to whisk you away. literally, you measure his height on the weekly once you realize he just keeps gaining inches. that, and when he starts growing more into his face? lawd, take you now.

"connie, you're getting seXY-"

"what the hell does thaT mE A N-"

many, many proposals. none are meant to be taken seriously, which the both of you know. still, there are far too many proposals between the two of you. one time, you killed a fly midair, and he thought you were the baddest bitch on the block.

"marry me."

another time, he swooped you into the air with his maneuvering gear, and as you held onto him for dear life, you looked him dead in the face: "marry me, you baldheaded bastard."

it can be a reel, how many times the two of you say that bullshit. somehow, it's cute.

he doesn't really take basic boundaries into consideration. like, one time, you caught him using your toothbrush because he couldn't find his. it wasn't fun, you had to give him a serious talking to.

he is, without a doubt, constantly prepared to lay down his life for you on the battlefield. during his time as a soldier, he's grown significantly strong— and once he fell in love with you, he's felt even stronger. not only do you give him drive, but you lend him strength. with that being said, you're somebody he'd die for without even an ounce of hesitation. and knowing him, he's probably made that more than obvious.

when connie's village was destroyed and it was discovered that his entire family was turned into titans, you were one of the only ones to actually comfort him. you were absolutely enraged at how nonchalantly your lover's loss was set aside, and although he'd tried his hardest to conquer the grief alone, it was you who sat at his bedside at night, cradling him in your arms as he wept. never in your life had you seen him so distraught. after that period of time, your relationship with him only deepened in its seriousness. 

as expected, you and sasha spend quite a bit of time together! after all, that's your boyfriend's best friend. given her easygoing nature, it didn't take long for sasha to absolutely adore you. naturally, she wonders how the hell you manage to operate with a boyfriend like that, but she tries not to ask questions.

speaking of the wonder twins, they love getting you in trouble. whenever the two of them think up an astonishingly moronic shenanigan, there's a solid 50/50 chance that you'll be looped into it, too. one time, they purposefully dulled jean's razor, and when he went to shave, it only ended in him splitting his face open due to placing too much pressure. as a joke, those two jackasses carved your initials into the handle. when jean decided that he'd murder you, connie tried playing the hero, lEapiNg to your defense. it was stupid, and it didn't work. you still laugh about it, though.

there have been several jokes regarding starting a family and growing old together— secretly, though, connie doesn't want them to just be jokes.

he stole a stray cat for you. yup, yes he did. the two of you were walking about the city, and you saw a gray-haired sleeping beside a trash bin behind a local vendor. you compared its fur to the color of his hair, calling it cute. out of impulse, connie went back to that exact same vendor later on that day, trapped the cat in a box, and brought it to your doorstep.

his forearms and fingertips were covered in claw marks, but to see your face light up the way that it did, any amount of pain was immediately worth it.

after the nickname that shadis had given connie on the first day of cadet training, you named the kitty q-ball. 🥺

during the season four era, the two of you share a house. at first, captain levi argued against it— "put a pair of horny teenagers in a home together, what do you think is gonna happen?"

y'all said fuck it, and lived together anyways. it's you, him, and your lovely child, q-ball. occasionally jean, too. some nights, he doesn't want to be alone.

eskimo kisses. during the prepping of every single mission, you'll get eskimo kisses. it's a small, loving gesture the two of you do before heading into the battlefield. as a sign of your love, you'll press your foreheads together and rub noses, weapons holstered and ready for combat. it's a serious tradition, and it'll never be ignored.

and after a mission, connie has this habit of pinching your cheeks immediately after rushing towards you. it isn't to be cute, either. it's so that he can scan you, and check you for any harm. basically, it's him squeezing the life out of your face while bombarding you with questions.

expect supremely cheesy pet names! bae, biscuit, buttercup, baby thing, sexy bitch, and so on. if it were anyone else, he would 100% make fun of them. but it's him, therefore adorable.

#attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot scenarios #aot headcanons #connie springer #connie springer x reader #aot x reader #connie springer headcanons

[kuronanox]

A Women’s Determination- William Vangeance

(Author note: I know I've been gone for so long, I'm very sorry. It's hard to keep motivation on my writing because I lack a bit but I enjoy every piece I've written! So sorry that request are coming extremely slow. I really want to fulfill them for y'all though!)

(Your Name) was sweating in her seat as her captain rope hugged her body a little uncomfortable today. She shifted around in her seat waiting for the meeting to start. She was a confident and powerful women but, when it came to her love life it was basically nonexistent. Many men have tried to pursue her but each time she refused them.

Her heart was elsewhere to someone who was close yet far to reach. William Vangeance a mysterious man yet kind and loving to his members. His loyalty and dedication to the Clover kingdom made (Your Name) admire him for his hard work.

"Hello (Your Name), are you feeling well?" William ask with concern in his eyes as he took his seat next to her. She swallowed the lump in her throat and cleared her throat giving him a smile. "I'm fine, it's a bit hot right now."

"It's winter outside." Yami states as she blushes and kicked his leg under the table. "Shut up you stink!"

William lightly chuckles and hands her a handkerchief he had on him. "You can use this."

With embarrassment (Your Name) thanked him before giving Yami a dirty look.

"I hope Charlotte doesn't think I'm flirting with Yami, god forbid."

As the meeting started she couldn't help but stare slightly back at William. He was listening to Julius about recent news and what not about the kingdom. Williams eyes met hers as he gave her a small smile and turn back to the meeting. She smiled back slightly.

Once the meeting ended everyone took their leave as (Your Name) followed William. "Thank you for your handkerchief."

"It's okay, keep it. It's better use with you."

Scratching the back of her hair she looks down with a flush. Looking back at him she had a boost of confidence to just kiss and confess to him right there. "William."

"Yes (Your Name)"

"Uhh thank you, really I appreciate it." Her smile slowly faded as he smiled back and took his leave again. She sighed, William was so mysterious and hard to open up.

Truthfully the only reason she always held back from telling William how she felt was because she knew he always kindly rejected everyone.

(Your Name) knew his secret, the reason he wore his mask. His scars and the insecurity that came with it. That didn't change the way she felt for him though. She had accidentally stumbled across William privately after coming back from training some squad members. He was resting and happen to have his mask off.

It was a surreal moment for the both of them when they locked eyes. Hers were filled with love and acceptance but William was fear as he quickly put his mask on.

He shared very few words to her after the incident probably because he was scared she would viewed him as ugly and different.

William was sadden to know that she saw his real face, the only person he really cared that saw. To him (Your Name) was a light he saw when things were dark.

William made it back to the base and closed himself in his room, he had feelings for her. He refused to accept it.

"How can she truly love a ugly monster like me?"

He sighed and retired for the night, William thought someone as strong and powerful as her should be with someone with confidence in how they were and not hide behind a mask.

As he laid in bed he couldn't help but smile to himself replaying her image of today in his head. It was as close he was going to be with her. He was confident she deserved someone better.

"Just tell him." Sol pushes (Your Name) on the shoulder as she grimaced.

"What are we talking about?" Charlotte asks as she walks in on the two sitting by a fire place.

"(Your Name) here likes Captain William and I'm trying to convince her she has nothing to lose!" Sol cheers as (Your Name) hangs her head in shame wanting to punch the soul out of sol.

"I could lose a lot, me personally!" She screams at Sol.

"I thought she had a crush on Yami! I swore I saw them flirting at the meeting!" Charlotte sighs in relief it wasn't the case and it was the masked man she really liked.

"Who cares about men anyways, right ne-san!"

"Yes, we don't need men. Women basically do all the work in the world."

(Your Name) slightly cringed at the pair as she falls onto the floor with a thud, what was she going to do.

After leaving their base she walked back towards home, she wanted William and was determined to show it! Even if he thought different.

With a wicked smile on her face she crashed into a shoulder as she looked up with a furious expression. "You could have just moved if you saw me walking!" She screamed and then covered her mouth from embarrassment.

"I didn't take you to be so aggressive Captain (Your Name)." William lightly chuckles as his beautiful pearly whites showed.

Lost for words she looked away and denied it was her fault.

"I-" she started to say as he kept his calm smile and listened to her talk.

"You don't dislike me for seeing your face?" (Your Name) starts as he got confused to why he would hate such a precious soul just as hers.

"Why would I hate you?"

"I don't know, you wear a mask for a reason right? You don't want people to know. I thought you would have avoided me."

William was speechless for a second, she really was so.....cute he thought. He wanted to laugh for her silliness but wouldn't it be the roles reversed.

"I would never, if anything I shouldn't be ashamed but I came to terms with how it is." He tells her as (Your Name) pulls her hands behind her back and sadly smiles.

"William, you know I like you without the mask right?"

She was determine to let him know her feelings even if he didn't return them. At least he knew she accepted him.

"...."

Without any words coming from him she nodded her head and walked forward. (Your Name) knew he wouldn't accept it.

"(Your Name)." William calls out as she turned her head to see he had removed his mask. "You don't really mean what you said." He tries to convince her as she knitted her brows.

"Last time I checked you weren't (Your Name), now you can't go telling me how I feel." She argued with William as his mouth hung a little open lost for words.

"You really are one aggressive women." He scoffs at himself for persuading (Your Name) not to like him because he was insecure. "You really are the one for me." He smiles as she widen her eyes.

"YOU CANT JUST SAY IT THAT EASILY WHEN IT TOOK ALL MY GUT TO CONFESS TO YOU SIR!" She screams and punched him in the chest slightly as he warmly embraced her shyness now.

"But that's what makes you different, would anyone confess even if they saw the scars?"

She looked up to him and smiles into his eyes. "No, I guess I'm one persistent women."

"Indeed." William agrees as it became silent between them.

She awkwardly coughs and side eye him a few times trying to make conversation.

"I never thought to take you as a shy women."

"IM NOT!" She screams as William walked off offering her to follow him.

They walked under the moonlight as she followed side by side with him, not knowing the future that held between the two they were just happy knowing they wanted each other from this moment on.

#black clover #black clover oneshots #black clover x reader #yuki tabata #black clover oneshot #black clover images #william vangeance #black clover william

[13eyond13]

I'll try to keep it short because you're very kind but I'm becoming annoying... I actually like Soichiro. It's his morals I cannot stand. In fact, in line with his, I like Matsuda's and even Light's variations more, even with all the darkness they entail, because they're more critical. I adore L and find him relatable, but I'm not so sure if I'd like him as a person in real life, and yet I again like his morals more than Soichiro's. I still think Soichiro is generally a better person than any of the others. I still dislike his morals the most. When I say at the opposite end of Soichiro in the moral spectrum is where Near stands I'm not talking just about my personal liking, but as I interpret their views on morality. Maybe there's some detail of the manga I'm forgetting (I truly have to reread it), but Soichiro didn't seem very critical about... anything, while Near states something like "even if god came and told me this is good and this is bad and this is The Truth I'd still consider and come to my own conclusion". I like that. I care less about someone getting a moral with what I may consider a degree of grey if they do that. I myself have very strong morals that nonetheless have degrees of grey; strong doesn't mean pure. My grey and someone else's grey might be very different. But I've developed them, not accepted them blindly. Near of course, Mello, L, and even Light and Matsuda do this, but Soichiro generally doesn't. And I dislike that greatly. In fact, I think I'd find him kind in real life, and likeable, but I'd not really like him because I can't really bring myself to like someone like that even when they're kind and compassionate and good. I'm already talking more than I intended but I'll try to point out what bothers me of his attitude.

Soichiro is very very anti Kira, but he's working for a government with the death penalty and he doesn't seem to consider that even for a moment. For him, that the government does it is justifiable but monstrous if a person does it. He doesn't really have a justification, it's just like that because it's as it is. He's very against L's methods, buy L uses people who were going to die anyway at the very moment he uses them either way because of the death penalty, because of the government. From a government pov, if the government were to do what L does, it'd be something terrible. From an individual pov? Not so much. It's ugly, but it's beyond himself whether that people die or not, and his decisions are easily justifiable from an individual pov: they're going to die irrevocably, that very day at that very time, and he is using what he can to solve a very complicated case that is taking many lives, and he even might use the moral support of "I'm giving the prisoners the chance of choosing, with the potential reward of lifelong imprisonment instead of death". And again, while a government doing that is terrible, it's not as terrible for a person. L is a private detective, an individual. People can be fallible. Governments shouldn't. What L does might be justifiable, if ugly, for a person, but it would be unforgivable for the government to do. But the government lies on L and it's L who takes the slander of the rest of the Task Force. And that's what Soichiro doesn't see, and that's what bugs me. Soichiro sides with the government and the laws no matter what, no matter if they're terrible and are actually the cause if indirectly of the terrible things L is able to do (I'd have to reread to be completely comfortable affirming this, but Soichiro's attitude towards the government reminds me a bit of Mikami and Misa to some extent).

Soichiro hates Kira, and hates and criticises L's methods and his ruthlessness, but doesn't even consider for one moment the problem is not L. The problem is not the 24 yo boy/man, the problem is his government, that has the dead penalty and actually let's a private detective carry on with the investigation and do as he pleases (and I'm not even taking into consideration how L's upbringing and the lowkey if fun exploitation he was subrmited to have most probably influenced if not determined the way he acts in these cases, because while it's intriguing it'd feel like justifying L out of pity, and either way Soichiro doesn't know that; but I mention this because L's entire past at Wammy's, like the other children's, is another very terrible move from governments and adults in responsibility positions). The problem is Interpol, the governments in general, blatantly saying L is ruthless but not even setting rules when working with him. And I think it would actually have been very easy to stop L doing those things. Just change the rules of the game, tell him beforehand there are a few things he can't do. It's a game after all. Of course L would still exploit the moral and legal vacuums of the rules as he pleased, as one does when playing anything, but the government wouldn't have given him totally free way.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself very well. Years ago in a class I talked about the difference between personal vengeance and the death penalty. I feel this is similar. A person is fallible. A government should be able to stand over licit murder. L manipulating people to prove a point is ugly. A government doing that or letting someone free way to do whatever is terrible. L does whatever, and as an individual is not so horrible as it is that the governments internationally actually let him do whatever even knowing beforehand without setting rules. Soichiro sees this and it doesn't even cross his mind for a moment to criticise the government he's working with. Also, he considers his morals the best, which makes sense in a first person pov (why support x morals if you don't think they're the best? I'm not critisising this), but he's very... imposing about them, while as I say not being precisely the most critical thinker. That Soichiro is like this, morally (I'm not even talking about the policeman aspect though that's so often talked about in the fandom), makes a lot of sense to how Light ends up being Kira, and with how Matsuda thinks and acts. And I find that very intriguing, but I can't stand Soichiro's simplistic morals and his better-than-you attitude even though he's a generally good person. That's why I dislike his morals the most (of course you don't have to agree!). I don't stand by Near's morals either, but I like his "god could come and tell me and still I'd doubt" attitude. It's what makes gods mad in basically every mythology, but I love that kind of thought process. I'm very much like that too.

I'm so sorry this is so long. I tried to cut, but I got the impression it'd make it even less clear or more difficult to understand. Or maybe the lack of clarity lies precisely on how repetitive and long this is. I'd like to think English not being my first language has to do with this, but honestly the problem is most probably just me. I hope I made the point understandable enough, though. And thanks for your patience. I really liked that post of Near someone sent as an opinion and how you replied! Very interesting takes on both ends.

Hi again! You have some very thought-provoking points about it all, and don't worry, your English is excellent.

I loved Near's stance about these things as well, and that's something that really bothered me when growing up about some authority figures and institutions being really totalitarian and silencing of doubts or stances they deemed too negative or incorrect to voice aloud. I value having freedom of choice and the ability to think critically about everything immensely. Maybe it's because I went to a very strict and sheltering and weird little school as a child that tried very hard to indoctrinate me with a specific worldview, and always shamed and silenced anyone who disagreed or questioned them or felt like an outsider or wanted to have a different point of view. I remember relating the most to Matsuda on the task force when I first watched the show as a teen, because he was always speaking up with his devil's advocate questions or confusions. The way Soichiro and the others usually yell and scold and shame him for this bothered me a lot, because I wanted them to discuss things openly so I could see all the different sides of the arguments more clearly. Actually, I think this is a pretty culturally similar thing between Japan and Canada (where I am from). There's a strong emphasis on doing what's best for the entire group instead of just yourself, and being too controversial or outspoken or individualistic about certain things is often taboo and frowned upon as a big social faux pas. It's possibly quite a bit stronger pressure toward obedience and conformity and politeness in Japan in certain ways as well, but I don't know for sure as I haven't lived there myself.

I think Soichiro had a bit of nuance and flexibility with his morals and his stances in various instances throughout the plot, and to me he seemingly tries hard to see things from other angles during complicated moments in what must be one of the most difficult situations he could possibly face as both a police chief and a parent. But it's true he never seemed to doubt that upholding the laws already in place and the way his government punishes the convicted were the "correct" ways society should function. I think this series would be a really interesting one to discuss in a class that talks about stuff like justice and the death penalty and law and ethics and such for how many of these things it touches on in an entertaining and thought-provoking way!

#soichiro #near #matsuda #ask #anon #p

[spicycreativity]

Soft-Shoe Shuffle - Ch 1

Chapter: 1/12 Rating: T (for language) Content Warnings: Canon-typical Remus content. This chapter only: alcohol use Characters: All Pairings: Moceit, background Prinxiety, background Intrulogical (yes I played a little game of "pair the spares") Additional Tags: Hey it's the fic I published on Anon because I was embarrassed of how utterly pretentious it is!, post-PoF, sickfic, dirty poetry, humor interspersed with philosophy and Janus-typical pontification, this is VERY speculative and will get Jossed in the future lmao Summary: After claiming his place in the Light and coming face-to-face with the consequences of his actions, Janus finds himself unwillingly re-calibrating his moral compass. For selfish reasons, of course. But one apology snowballs into several, and soon he's running around the Mindscape with a low-grade fever and a guilty conscience as he desperately tries to regain some sense of self. Oh, and he's definitely not falling in love with Patton, so don't even bring it up. One Last Note: I wrote this in an ADHD fugue state. It is HEAVILY influenced by Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment, but there are also references to poetry and various other works of literature. I also deliberately used symbols, themes, and motifs. Most of them are pretty in your face except for the recurring ouroboros, which is used as a symbol of rebirth. ...Told you it was pretentious.

When you wake up to the promise of your dream world comin' true With one less friend to call on, was it someone that I knew? Away you will go sailing in a race among the ruins If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon

Janus appeared in the Dark side of the Mindscape, elation swelling in his chest. Even the ringing headache and bitter taste in his mouth couldn't hollow the unfamiliar triumph that warmed him to the core. Caught up in his own thoughts, it took a moment for him to register the sight before him: Remus, upside-down on the couch, his brow furrowed and face an alarming shade of purple.

For a moment, Janus stood stock-still as he tried to get his bearings. He must have been more flustered than he'd realized-- He'd been aiming for his bedroom.

But here he was, staring down at Remus, who was definitely going to burst a blood vessel (or several) if he didn't flip over soon.

"That's not horrifying at all," Janus said, thinking it would be rude to dismiss Remus, especially since he had probably been eavesdropping. He had likely heard everything. Everything. Even the ugly parts.

"Do you remember when Thomas read that post about Nutty Putty Cave?" Remus asked in a strained, strangled voice. "That spelunker who died because he got stuck upside-down?"

"No," Janus said, before realizing his mistake. "Yes." He definitely wanted Remus to remind him of the gory details.

"That's what I thought," Remus said with a wicked grin.

Janus sighed through his nose. Remus, though he thrived on attention, seemed content enough to continue his experiment by himself. On the other hand, if Janus didn't bring up a certain insult he'd levied at Roman, Remus most certainly would, and at a time where it would cause the most upset and turmoil. Better for Janus to deal with it now, even if he would have to fight the tension pulling his muscles taut. He wanted to dance. He wanted to scream.

Hesitation proved to be Janus' downfall, and by the time he'd opened his mouth to broach the subject at hand, Remus had beaten him to the blow. "You're not usually this quiet, Oralboros. Snake got your tongue?"

Janus, again, sighed. Rather than answer, he doffed his hat, set it on the coffee table, and clumsily arranged himself upside-down next to Remus. The change in position immediately made his head throb. He ignored it. "I definitely meant it when I called you 'evil'."

Remus' eyes widened in faux-shock. "You called me evil ?" he shrieked, voice ringing out high and clear. "Me? How dare you. I'm an angel!"

At least Remus was taking it well. "Sarcasm is my thing," Janus said, realizing that he might make it out of this without having to properly apologize.

For some reason, Patton's face flashed into his mind, and a subsequent twinge of guilt made his tongue go sour. Fine. If there was ever a time to start telling uncomfortable truths… "But I am sorry I said that."

"Wow!" Remus laughed. "You must be upset." A red stain began to spill across his left eye. "You don't apologize."

"It’s not like I care about your feelings or anything." Janus would have liked to have drawn himself up to his full height, but it was impossible to do while upside-down. "As much as I'm enjoying watching your blood vessels slowly burst, would you please turn over before you hurt yourself? I've suffered enough psychological trauma for today."

"Oh, fine." Remus kicked his legs and landed neatly on his toes like a gymnast.

Janus, by contrast, got his arms tangled in his capelet and nearly folded himself in half before he found his balance again. "I meant to do that," he said, turning to grab his hat so Remus wouldn't see the blush on his face.

The sudden sensation of blood draining from his head made the room whirl. He steadied himself against Remus' shoulder until it slowed somewhat, but nothing could dampen the horrible ringing in his ears.

"Well," he said, adjusting his shirt. The sudden appearance of his conscience had taken the wind out of his sails more than he cared to admit, and all thoughts of dancing bled out of him along with a good deal of energy. "I'm not going to go scream into my pillows until I tire myself out."

"Being an agent of chaos is hard work," Remus said with a sage nod, "but that doesn't sound very relaxing, Mr Self Care."

"It's a form of meditation, if you think about it," Janus said.

Remus made a face. "You know I don't do that."

"...Meditate?"

"No, think."

"Ah. Well." Janus made only a token attempt to hide his fond smile. "Good night, Remus. Please stay up late and injure yourself."

"Can do, Snakeypoo.”

Janus turned. It was close enough, he might as well walk to his bedroom, especially considering how well his last attempt at appearing in it had gone.

The reason why that had been so difficult became apparent in mere moments. Janus froze in the hall and dropped to his knees at the giddy wave of horror and delight that made him too light-headed to stand.

He knelt in front of the empty stretch of wall where his door had been previously.  Heat flooded his face.

"Jay?" The rounded toes of Remus' boots appeared in his line of sight. Janus zeroed in on them, the mud splatters and stains on the soft leather. "You have an aneurysm or what?"

Janus, unable to speak, motioned for Remus to turn around. He couldn't deal with this right now.

"Ohhh," said Remus. "Well. Good luck with that ." He hauled Janus to his feet. "So you're a boner fide good guy now, huh?"

Janus stared over Remus' shoulder at the empty stretch of wall where his door used to be. "That depends entirely on who you ask."

Remus shrugged and rose up on his toes. "You can scream into my pillows instead, if you want."

"As tempting as that is…" Janus trailed off, his eyes still fixed on the wall. It was tempting, despite the constant chaos in Remus' room. But he'd have to face the Light side sooner or later. It wasn't like he could move his room back, not without psychologically damaging Thomas and undoing all the work he'd done. "I'm really looking forward to getting insulted some more."

"Alright," Remus said with a shrug. "Try not to throw me under the bus this time, alright? Unless it's a real bus…" His gaze became dreamy, unfocused. "And it's doing 50 in a school zone and there's a whole pack of screaming kids in the crosswalk--"

"Goodbye, Remus." Janus turned and left.

--

The barrier between the "dark" and the "light" sides of Thomas' brain had been a joint venture. It would have been there in some form no matter what, but it was Janus and Roman (with Patton's tacit blessing) who had worked to put up something more physical between them.

Janus ducked under the red curtain, trepidation percolating in his stomach, but what he found on the other side was anticlimactic to say the least: It was dead silent on this side of the barrier.

Janus wasn't sure what he'd been expecting. He knew by now that the so-called "Lights" had issues working out their interpersonal issues, and this most recent conflict wasn't the kind of thing you just got over. It did follow that they would all go off to lick their wounds for a time.

Hesitantly, toe-to-heel, Janus crept down the hall. It felt for all the world like he was sneaking around a vast hotel, right down to needlessly ornate design on the plush carpeting. That was probably Roman's doing.

Janus focused, trying to call the Mindscape to work for him. He wanted to go to his room.

The Mindscape listened. Janus turned a corner and found a row of doors stretching down yet another brightly-lit corridor. His eye was immediately drawn, not to the brilliant yellow of his own door, but to the figure huddled in front of it: Patton sat with his arms wrapped around his legs, forehead resting on his knees.

"Looking for someone?" Janus asked, slightly louder than necessary.

Patton jerked his head up. "Oh! Janus!" He plastered an unconvincing smile on his face. "You sure pop star-tled me."

Scaring Patton hadn't brought Janus nearly the level of schadenfreude he'd thought it would. He crossed his arms over his chest, extending a third to help Patton up. "Take your time getting to the point.”

"Oh." Patton accepted Janus' proffered hand and got to his feet. Warmth spilled from him, permeating the fabric of Janus' glove and gently heating his palm. "Well, it's just…" He took a deep breath. "I noticed your door and I thought-- Well, I wanted to make you feel welcome!"

A high-pitched tone resonated in Janus' skull. He bit down on the inside of his cheek to keep from wincing at the mounting pressure-pain-exhaustion in his temples. "Aren't you just a saint ." Patton's face fell. Janus fought the urge to swear aloud. He usually had a better handle on himself, and he knew better than to alienate potential allies. "I mean, thank you, Patton. Truly. I appreciate it." Patton had proven himself useful. Janus should at least cultivate that relationship, even if it meant a little discomfort.

"Have you eaten?" Patton asked. "It's a little late, but I could make something if you wanted." He paused. "Maybe we could play cards or something." Another pause. "O-only if you want to, I mean."

Janus let his face remain impassive even as he internally cringed at the idea of staying awake for even another second. It would be so easy to brush Patton off with a few honeyed words and disappear beyond the barrier of his door. But Patton had stood up for him today, or at least he'd tried to. Janus sighed. Quid pro quo. "That sounds like an utter waste of time."

"Are you… I'm sorry, sometimes I can't tell when you're…"

"Yes, Patton. That sounds lovely."

Patton actually hopped in place, an adorable little jig that absolutely didn't send a confusing little shockwave of fondness through Janus' ribcage. "Really?"

"Really," Janus lied.

He followed Patton down the hall into the living room, which opened into the dining room and the kitchen. Janus studied his surroundings, trying to take in as much as his exhausted faculties would allow. Even in the absence of other Sides, the living room felt warm and welcoming. All the lights were on, and they bathed everything in gentle golden light .

"You're awfully quiet," Patton said.

Janus shook himself. "I was just getting my bearings."

"I guess you've never really been over here, huh?" Pattton opened the refrigerator. Was he actually going to cook , instead of just manifesting something? How quaint. "Do you like grilled cheese?"

It had been a long, confusing day. Doublespeak came to Janus as naturally as breathing, but he was obviously running circles around Patton even when he wasn't trying to. "Yes," he said, hoping to telegraph his sincerity by not emoting at all.

It seemed to work. Patton studied him for a moment before turning back to the fridge. "Then that's what I'll make."

Janus took advantage of this temporary distraction to clamber onto one of the barstools. The slick velvet of his capelet tended to disagree with surfaces like wood and vinyl, and he needed a moment to arrange things so he didn't look as unbalanced as he felt.

He watched Patton work in the kitchen, a detached coolness washing out the scene. Quid pro quo, he reminded himself when he felt his facade begin to slip. He owed Patton this.

He certainly didn't feel the slightest twinge of guilt, that he had been the one to orchestrate this breakdown. Yes, the Light Sides had loaded the gun, but in the end it was Janus who had pulled the trigger.

He shook his head and thought about playing cards, good Bicycle playing cards with holes punched through them like they'd come from a casino. "What should we play?" he asked, pulling the deck from his breast pocket.

Patton looked up from the stovetop, his eyes flicking to the cards in Janus' hand. "Do you know Kings in the Corners?"

"Not personally, no."

Patton laughed, but there was something cold about it. "It's really simple," he said. "I'll show you how to play and you can tell me if you like it."

--

It was nearly impossible to cheat at Kings in the Corners. Janus doubted this had been a calculated measure on Patton's part, doubted he had the capacity for that kind of foresight, but he respected it just the same.

They played in funereal silence, staring each other down across the light wood of the dining room table. Janus, ill-inclined to take off his gloves, utilized a napkin to keep from staining them with melted butter from the grilled cheese Patton had made. Neither one of them smiled. Neither one of them spoke.

Janus pulled a card from the deck to indicate the end of his turn and glanced up at Patton. His face was somber, almost sorrowful, and it clashed against the gentle domesticity of the dining room, with its floral table runner and mismatched placemats.

Janus started to laugh.

"What is it?" Patton asked, cheeks darkening. "What? Do I have something on my face?"

Janus swallowed down another peal of laughter and cleared his throat, unable to wholly restrain the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "You look like I’m holding you here at gunpoint." It was somewhat ironic, considering Janus was the one who felt like he couldn't leave.

"What?" Patton smiled, but it was more akin to an offering than an expression of joy.

"It’s not really funny. " Janus wasn’t quite sure how to make Patton understand.

Patton sat back with a sigh, placing his cards facedown on the table. "But I guess it is pretty funny, huh? In a really sad way."

Janus almost asked what was sad about it before realizing that Patton probably missed his friends. Instead he said, "Yes" and stifled a yawn behind his free hand.

"I'll make coffee!" Patton leapt to his feet and was off to the kitchen before Janus could so much as blink.

The newfound solitude made it that much harder for Janus to ignore his headache, which had only worsened in the hour or so he'd been playing cards with Patton. Despite the nonchalant facade he'd tried so hard to project, he'd been holding himself tense.

Maybe the night (or morning, at this point) would be easier to tolerate if he had, say, a bit of gold rum.

The corner of a flask dug into Janus' hip. He smiled.

"Just how late are you planning on staying up?" he asked Patton when the latter returned holding two mismatched mugs.

"Oh, I don't know," Patton said. Lied. He set a mug down in front of Janus and then resumed his seat, the cards forgotten by his elbow. "I'm… A little scared of what tomorrow will be like."

Janus eased the flask out of his pocket. "Rum?"

"Oh, um," Patton said, staring at the flask. "I don't know…"

Janus raised an eyebrow, working something out. He landed on it a millisecond later: Patton wanted to be convinced. Easy enough. Janus opened the flask and poured what he hoped was a shot into his own mug. It was black, he noticed, except for the yellow snake that wrapped around it, its tail firmly in its own mouth. Ouroboros. "Surely you don't intend to make me drink alone?"

As Janus had expected, Patton buckled the second he was pushed. "I guess not."

It was funny, Janus mused as he carefully tipped rum into Patton's coffee, how lying was only off-limits when Janus suggested it. Hilarious.

But now wasn't the time for bitterness, now was the time to repay the debt he owed Patton. "Cheers," he said, pocketing the flask once more.

"Cheers."

Janus sipped his coffee. "You put milk in this," he observed.

Patton's smile was surprisingly sly. "I know you want me to think you take it black. Virgil did too, at first. I know you ‘Dark Sides’ have an image you like to uphold."

"And how does Virgil take his coffee now?" Janus asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"With Snickers-flavored creamer."

"Well, I do take my coffee black," Janus lied.

Patton's smile never faltered. "We'll see, kid-- Uh, Janus."

"Patton," Janus said, before he could start thinking about the implications of Patton wanting to call him 'kiddo,' "you are planning on sleeping tonight, aren't you?"

"Maybe eventually," Patton said, suddenly unable to look Janus in the eye. "At some point."

"Tomorrow will come whether or not you sleep. It's definitely better to pull an all-nighter and feel like garbage instead of facing everything with a clear head."

"I know." Patton leaned forward so he could rest his head on his hand.

For a moment, Janus was tempted to mirror him. Sitting up straight was becoming quite the chore. "I know how the others love a calm, rational discussion."

"Oh, I wish." Patton's expression turned wistful.

Janus stifled a yawn behind his hand. He had half-expected the coffee to counteract the depressant effect of the alcohol, but all he had to show for the combination was a racing heart.

"I'll be fine out here if you want to go to bed," Patton said. Without seeming to realize he was doing it, he brought his hand to his mouth and bit down on his thumbnail.

It was a tempting offer. A day ago, Janus would have taken it. After all, it wasn't like he cared about Patton outside of professional courtesy. They weren't friends. But guilt nagged at him and wouldn't let him entertain the idea of abandoning Patton for longer than a second.

"That's a remarkable impression of a window," Janus said, waiting for Patton to look confused before elaborating, "I can see right through you."

"You got me." Patton smiled sadly. "That's something I've always admired about you, Janus."

Now it was Janus' turn to be confused. "What?"

"You're so… clever."

Janus narrowed his eyes. "Please do keep trying to change the subject."

"It's just… I don't want to have to lie there and, and think about today and everything I did wrong. I hurt Thomas. I hurt my friends." Patton's eyes were shiny behind his glasses; the unshed tears sparkled in the light when he locked eyes with Janus. "Aren't you going to think about the same thing?"

Anger flared, perhaps prematurely, in Janus' chest. "About what you did wrong today?"

"About what you did wrong," Patton said timidly.

"I," Janus said icily, "didn't do anything wrong." He stared Patton down across the table, jaw set, daring him to push back. Let him lecture and nag, let him prove that he hadn't changed no matter what he said.

But Patton only nodded, his face lined with misery. "Okay," he softly. "I think you're right, Janus. We should go to bed."

Janus thought about how much faster he could get to bed if the table was cleared, and all the dishes and cards vanished in a blink.

"Um, Janus?" Patton said.

"Yes?"

"I don't regret everything that happened today."

"Oh?"

Patton only nodded and sank out.

Janus made a beeline for his own room; better to find his way there on foot rather than risk appearing in the wrong spot.

Once inside, he looked around to ensure nothing was amiss, eyes roving over the dark wood of his bookshelves and desk, his mirrored closet doors, the leather armchairs across from his bed.

Everything was exactly as Janus had left it. He nodded, satisfied, set his hat on the nightstand, and sprawled out of top of the covers without bothering to further undress.

One hazy thought crawled to the surface of his mind before he fell asleep: At least he wouldn't be one of the regrets haunting Patton tonight.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #janus sanders #moceit #spicywrites soft-shoe shuffle #song featured is: race among the ruins - gordon lightfoot #pics are free to use from unsplash and wikimedia commons

[sorenskyhigh]

Pets They Would Have pt. 2

Karasuno

Hisashi Kinoshita

Hisashi is a Train Company Employee. This means he works a lot of hours and just does not have the time to take care of, love and train any other pets

Fish are a really easy to take care of

All you have to do is remember to feed them and have a water filter to constantly clean their aquarium

Some fish, if handled when young, can get big and will let and love for you to pet them

But, they also are just very nice to have

Just to watch them swim around all of the plants with the light on at night

As I said, they don't need alot either

Hisashi could just let them be

They wouldn't beg or need constant love and attention like a mammal (dog, cat, rat, bird)

They also don't need constant vigilance for health issues or specialized diets like amphibian and reptilian pets

Hisashi is going to be tired when he gets home from work, so he needs a pet that is more ornamental than a chore

I feel if Hisashi were to have fish, he'd get the weirdest ones in the pet store

Hisashi seems to have a very strong inner child

So he would want either the flashiest fish, or the ones that cause a double take everytime their passed by in the store

He may get only one or two or get a whole tank full

I honestly feel like it could go one of two ways:

A- He has an aquarium for a wall in his house filled with his wild choice in fish or

B- He has a small, round, spherical bowl with two fish in it

It'd be funny if he had just the two fish to start with then they had babies even though the worker said they were both female

Obviously they weren't

They laid eggs and he had to transfer the female and daughters to one large tank and the father and sons to another so they wouldn't keep having babies

After this he has like 14 fish in total

Then he keeps finding himself at the pet store looking at the "ugly" fish no one wants

He buys these fish and ends up having two tanks that cover a whole wall

One's for his male fish the others for the females

But he screws up and learns the hard way that clownfush can change genders to help make babies

I'm being terrible to this poor guy let me stop

He so would be that fish owner to get real plants and "not those toxic plastic ones, how do they not hurt the fish???"

I honestly love the thought of Kinoshita just spacing out in front of his fish as he just watches them swim and do their own thing

Or if he were to only have a couple fish and he lets them get really big and pets them

Kazuhito Narita

Now, I know what you're thinking

Aren't Ferrets incredibly high maintenance?

Not really

Kazu ends up working at a Realty Firm

Generally their work hours are supposed to be around 40 hrs a week

But they often have to stay longer considering most clients can only meet up on weekday afternoons

So this means Kazu has to work a lot

Ferrets may be mischievous and a little destructive, but that's easy to fix

If a ferret is to be left at home alone for hours at a time, just get it a really big cage and tons of toys to play with

Plenty of food and water too, of course

But ferrets are honestly pretty chill

All they need is for you to clean out their cage around once a week, some light grooming here and there, and some time to run around

Apartment or house doesn't matter with ferrets

They love to just mess around and only need a couple hours of free time a day

They sleep most of the day, 17 to 20 hours usually

They also aren't very vocal

They have a specific noise they make when excited thats barely heard by most human ears

Fun fact about ferrets is they actually have pretty poor eyesight, but their sense of smell and hearing more than make up for it

The only real problems Kazu would have to worry about are hairballs getting lodged and dental issues, no different than a cat

I didn't pick a cat though bc, Kazu seems like the kind of person to have something that doesn't get riled up on a whim like a cat

Cats often have unpredictable moods, ferrets on the other hand can be energetic but won't get into a bad mood at the drop of a pin

They're generally very fun loving

Though, it is always recommended to get a pair

Ferrets are highly social animals, so they would need a buddy for when your not able to be there for them

Kazu would probably get one almost all white ferret and one almost all dark brown ferret for the symbolism

I love the thought of Kazu wrestling with one ferret, it wrapped around his hand, and then the other one if climbing on his back and sliding down the back of his shirt in playful retaliation

Tobio Kageyama

I really really wanted to give Tobio a turtle, but with him being a volleyball player in his adult life, that just won't work

Turtles need very specific temperatures and surroundings so they can live happily and healthily

I honestly feel in terms of personality, nothing but a cute little Eastern Box Turtle would fit him perfectly

I honestly struggled to find something that, to me, fit Kageyama Tobio but also would be manageable for him as a pro athlete

He's a very complex character and something with fur or feather just did not seem to suit him to me

The only problem is.......reptiles and amphibians are generally really demanding pets

From the food they eat, the the temperature their home has to be set at, its a lot of constant care

Some of them may not like constant physical touch, but they still need to be cleaned and have a constant watchful eye to check for any skin abnormalities

I decided on the African Fire Skink after much much MUCH consideration

These lizards don't get large, onky around 14-15 inches

And, unlike many reptilian nd amphibian pets, they don't require any specific heating or lighting

As long as your house isn't like consistently hot or cold or constantly changing between the two, their fine

They do need a substantial amount of dirt to dig and hide in

They mostly eat insects and one very rare occasion would appreciate a pinky mouse

These lizards are also shy and like to be admired from a distance

They don't like to be touched too much

They also have few and far between health problems uike other lizards

The only real problem is you can't find them at local pet stores but, they generally sell for around 25-70 USD

They also live for around 15-20 years

I feel like Tobio would have gotten his lizard as a middle schooler bc he didn't have very many friends, but he also didn't want a really needy pet since he doesn't know how to socialize well

Since this lizard like to be left alone, he could admire it from afar and this lizard could help him learn how to social better

Sorta.....

Imagine Tobio at a table in his room, doing some homework and the little Skink is just lazing about in a sunspot next to him 😍

Shoyo Hinata

YES YOU ARE SEEING CORRECTLY

At first for Shoyo I thought, okay maybe a hamster or a Guinea Pig or something like that

Ya know, something small but mighty and also, incredibly cute!

But I took a look at a list of pets that travel well and one of pets that can be left at howm for days with a proper care taker

I nearly shot myself bc I totally forgot that Hermit Crabs can be pets!!!!!

And they suit Shoyo so well!!!

They are small and sturdy

They fight back and pinch when threatened but can be very nice little pets to have

Hermit Crabs also love, sadly, for only around 10 years and can grow up to 6 inches long

Also, three to five shells per crab should be available

I am living for the idea that Hinata bought a bunch of shells for his crabs and painted them with little volleyballs and crows and ornage and black 🥺

These are good bc as long as you have someone reliable to feed them when they need to be while you're gone

Usually, if they're small, they're tiny wittle claws can't grab onto pellet food, so heir is a specific kind of almost dust like food for Hermit Crabs

Also, dark leafy greens like kale and broccoli or fruits like apples, bananas, and grapes are good too

Just choo them up really really tiny

They also need 2-3 inches of soil, silica play sand, and (optional) coconut fibers for them to burrow in when they molt

They also need a place for water to keep their little shells moist

They also need specific temps and maybe even mist their terrarium with water now and again

Something that us important and why Shoyi would need someone to come in and check on them is bc they are every vulnerable when molting

When a Hermit Crab molts they need to be separated from others so they don't get hurt

Like with many smaller pets you also have to thoroughly wash your hands before and after you touch them

Shoyo would fight Tobio when Tobio said his Crabs are boring and go into a long detailed argument about how each Crab has his/her own personality and how interesting they are

Kei Tsukishima

Did you expect this Dino loving nerd to have anything else other than a reptile?

I tried to find one, as you can imagine, that would fit his adult life schedule but also his personality

I really wanted to give him an Iguana or Chameleon butbthey were really demanding with care

Now.....I know

Anole are native to the Southern US and Southern Hispanic countries such as Mexico, Clolombua, and Venezuela

They are around 20cm long and only live a very short 3-5 years

Also if you own many most should be female and only one should be male if you choose to have any males at all

The males get very territorial and will fight one another

Also the males flair our their dewlaps (skin flap under their chin) in defense and when they feel threatened

The dewlaps are usually pink, red, or on the rare occasion blue

Females have these as well but don't flair them out as much

Anoles are very high energy but don't care to be touched too much

These lizards also can't be picked up by their tales as they have evolved to lose their tales and grow them back

Kei would like these as they are so odd

They're not only descendants of Dinosaurs but they can lose their tales and grow them back at will???

I feel like Kei would constant have new ones

His massive tank (you need big ones for these guys, they are very active and will resort to cannibalism if their space is too small) is never empty, always at least three

He has analbum on his phone of all of the Anoles he's owned and maybe even has a picture book with their names on it

Yamaguchi to this day is the o ky one that has had the privilege to see said book

Yamaguchi is also the only person Kei trusts to take care of his precious Anoles

And when one dies he has really small but none the less grand ceremony for a descendant of the mighty race of Dinosaurs

Yamaguchi always helps him set these up

I fell like he would give them really weird names as well

Like twig, stick, sock, glove, kneecap or some weird shit idk

I'll have Yamaguchi, Yachi, Yui, Natsu, and Saeko in the next one

My requests are open and I hope you enjoyed

@popcorntime-doodles @multifandombrainrot @kneecapstealingalien @jiheonity @weareallhumans123 @smallmangi @canadian-crow @just-jellyfish @immiamarais @i-need-coffee-now-pls @shadowsbutdead @ghostexhibit @goshikisimp @anothershadeofpink @mestayanon @all-around-fandoms31 @thatfunnysprout @itsallgonnabokayihope @g00s3 @boreateo @backalley-astrologer @vaniatslover @lil-mellow-bunbun @strawberrymakki @beelziee @taiyahhh @sakusasgerm @cr4z3d-cl0wn @brendanfkelley @mainnews32 @beelshumanworldburger @mehreenackerman @detective-bakugou

#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!! #kinoshita hisashi #narita kazuhito #kageyama tobio #hinata shoyo #tsukishima kei

[monomonomagines]

For the Anon that Requested the V3 Boys Finding S/o Dead and Being Mocked in the Class Trial

Thank you thank you thank you anon for being so understanding about my issues with gore and blood. I'm normally ok as long as I don't go into more than general details so I hope it's still to your liking.

As I said before, I love you and am elated that you were so understanding. I hope you enjoy this anon!

Rantaro

Rantaro hadn't expected the Body Discovery Announcement to play so early in the morning but when did anyone expect it to go off really.

It was always a premonition for another terrifying class trial and that's all they ever would be for him.

He expected to be able to talk to you asking you to help him investigate per usual but when he approached the gym and saw everyone surrounding what presumably was a body but his heart sank.

Why weren't you there? If you were the only one he couldn't pick out then were you really what everyone was surrounding?

Before he comprehended it his hands were already parting the sea of his fellow classmates when there in the center you lay in a puddle of your own blood and a knife nearby.

Rantaro thought this was a nightmare and he wanted to wake up but when Shuichi and everyone else continued with the investigation he knew this was real.

He thought this couldn't get worse but then during the trial when the murderer began mocking you he couldn't help but feel like he was being kicked while he was down.

How dare he tell him about your screams of help, of how he wasn't there to protect you. How dare he!

Although he was normally fairly calm all hell broke loose in that trial.

Meaning, if not for the rules he would've definitely beaten the murderer.

Ryoma

Ryoma was in his lab when he heard that accursed announcement ring out in the same manner as always.

Great, another trial. He groaned audibly just wanting to see you.

He knew he'd have to help with the investigation but being with you always helped him stay grounded.

That's why he didn't even know how to react when the very ground he used to stand upon was somehow pulled from under his feet.

He didn't even know how to react when he walked in and saw everyone part for him.

There you lay so silent, so still. Not a drop of blood or anything tarnishing your image.

He could quickly put together that you were still dead, you were poisoned maybe he thought and when that blasted murdered mocked you.

When they dared to mock how the light left your eyes and told him of your demise well, it wasn't much of a shock that he watched that execution the whole time.

He'd make sure they'd pay for what they did to you.

Korekiyo

Kiyo already lost his sister so you were all he had.

He wasn't normally shaken up by this murder game as much as he should've been but he still didn't expect to hear the Body Discovery Announcement going off so late into the night.

He was confident that you'd all be able to find the murderer though so he wasn't too worried.

He'd simply stick by you the entire time that the investigation was occurring and would assist where he was needed only.

His confidence, however, was short-lived when he saw everyone looking at him, surrounding a body and some rope on the ground.

He pushed through immediately needing to know if it was what he thought and when it was, all he could do was laugh.

He laughed and laughed until he began to sob for you were all he had left and now you were gone.

Without you, he had nothing so he would do anything to make whoever did this suffer.

He is by far the most vengeful and is equally methodical.

He'd purposefully corner the murderer to the point that all they can do is mock him. Mock him about how you struggled against your bounds how you slowly stopped breathing how you were in agony and most of all how he wasn't there.

Like Ryoma, he'd watch their execution to the very end but under his mask is his own sinister smile.

They would pay for taking you from him.

Gonta

Gonta was always by your side so as soon as he heard the announcement go off he was already bounding to be at your side.

However, when he got to the Dining Hall, he knew that'd be impossible.

You were on the table and he couldn't even bear to look at what they had done to you.

There were forks and knives and all sorts of sharp pointy things in the dining hall and kitchen but Gonta never thought he'd see a single one used against you.

That's why he couldn't help but to cry out immediately.

He wasn't there for you and he regretted it.

However, he was also enraged. That's why when the murderer began to mock him he wasn't able to be stopped by anyone but Shuichi calmly trying to get him to focus more so on getting that person voted the blackened rather than Gonta beating him to a pulp.

Gonta won't watch the execution but he'll still cry at another classmate of his being taken away.

They might've killed you but they were still his friend. If only you guys weren't stuck here. Then Gonta wouldn't have had to lose both of you.

Kokichi

Kokichi always rushed to the scene of crime whenever he heard that announcement rear its ugly head.

He always had to know what was going on so when it was another locked room mystery he picked the lock without much thought other than that it was as easy as the last.

He proudly walked in with Shuichi and the others so proud of his own skills that at first, it didn't sink in that you were dead.

At first, it wasn't you that lay face down and bloody on the ground with the murder weapon lying nearby.

No, it was someone else. It wasn't the one person he got close to. Not at all.

Even during the trial, he'd act chipper as ever trying to lie to himself until the murderer begins to mock him.

How dare he!? Not only did he take the one person that Kokichi had truly opened up to but now they were mocking the way that you trusted him so much, how you called for him even as you were slowly fading from this world.

It wasn't fair at all! He'd expect something like this but being mocked just made the damn break.

Suddenly Kokichi was doing more work than Shuichi to finish up the class trial, not even one bs statement coming from his lips.

He was serious about avenging you and he certainly did just that when the killer was voted the blackened.

Like Gonta he wouldn't even bother to watch the execution. He'd just excuse himself as soon as it was possible to go back to his room. He needed time to isolate himself for a while.

Kaito

Kaito was terrified each time he heard the Body Discovery Announcement but he knew that he'd be needed to help so he'd have to come to the scene of the crime.

Normally he'd catch you on the way and you'd head in together but it seemed like you beat him.

Alright, he guesses he doesn't really mind in the end since it's not like he can't catch you then but when he notices a strange vial next to your body sitting in a chair as though you were just asleep he still lets out a shrill scream.

You were gone. He couldn't save you. How did this even happen? Why did it have to be you?

Kaito would immediately get angry trying to get an answer out of everyone through yelling and hitting things but no one would answer him.

It wouldn't be until the class trial when that same question comes to bite him in the ass.

As soon as Shuichi pinpoints a murderer Kaito finds himself in shock and soon even more anger as they immediately begin to mock him, telling him how much you screamed for him to save you. How even as you died you continued to utter over and over that he'd be there to protect you even when he wasn't.

Kaito knows he can't beat them up but he definitely would scream his head off even as the voting is taking place.

He wouldn't watch the execution but he wouldn't be himself for a long time after that trial. He'd always blame himself for not being there, for not being your knight in shining armor.

Kiibo

Kiibo was always extremely worried when that terrible announcement would sound.

It was terrifying whether you were a robot or human and all he really wanted to do was to see you.

It'd help him calm down he thought but he couldn't have been more wrong.

He made his way to the pool but he'd never expect to see you floating lifelessly in it.

He didn't care how you died or who did it at the moment. What he wanted to know was why someone would dump you into the pool like that why they'd have to add insult to injury.

He'd be trying so hard to seem helpful the entire investigation but at times he'd need a moment.

He just couldn't fathom how this could happen. Why did he let it happen? Why wasn't he there for you?

He thought that'd be the worst of it. That'd they be able to vote your murderer the blackened and be done with it but when the murderer started mocking you and him he didn't know how to respond.

He knew he should've been there and that you'd probably tried to attract his attention somehow but he just couldn't react much.

Kiibo would stop functioning and even as the blackened would be executed would not move from his spot. All he was capable of doing was thinking about you when you were alive and how much he missed you.

Shuichi

Shuichi never had much confidence but with you by his side, he always felt so much stronger.

He wasn't looking forward to dealing with another murder when that sickening Announcement played but he was still ready to use his talents to help none the less.

He felt determined to take on this case but when he opened the door to your research lab and saw the same things you used for your talent being the cause of your death he just froze.

This couldn't be real he thought.

This was just a bad dream and he'd wake up and see you in the dining hall with everyone else.

He wanted to believe that and at the same time knew he was lying to himself.

He'd force himself to work twice as diligently as normal in order to expose your killer.

He needed to for your sake and his own peace of mind but when he cornered the killer with all his evidence he wasn't ready for what his ears heard next.

He didn't want to know that you called out for him, that you cried and begged, he didn't want to hear any of it.

He'd continue to work against them but as he did plenty of tears would make their way down his cheeks.

He would make sure to get them voted the blackened but he wouldn't watch them in their execution.

He made peace by focusing only on honoring your memory. He wasn't out for blood, he was out for your approval even if he could no longer hear it.

#danganronpa #danganronpa imagines #drv3 #danganronpa killing harmony #danganronpa x reader #x reader #imagine #rantaro amami #ryoma hoshi #korekiyo shinguji #gonta gokuhara #kokichi ouma #kokichi oma #kaito momota #kiibo #K1-B0 #shuichi saihara #ask #mod toko

[sinnabonka]

Hey Hun! Lots of love to you. For starters I wanted to say that there should be no cell in your body blaming yself in any way. You and your blog were hope for so many people. You were the "you are not crazy" of the final weeks, and I'm forever grateful to you. Instead of dying of anxiety I managed to have a blast in this time of waiting, thanks to you. I passed my master thesis, because you gave me strength to see past the fear. I laughed in those weeks more than in last 5 years, and all of it because of the hope you gave me.

The rest of the msg is going to be pretty emotional rant about the awfulness of it all, and I know my opinion doesn't matter to anyone but I wanted someone important to me to hear my thoughts, if that's ok. It's also ok if you don't want to read it ofc. It's like my breakup letter to the show.

I hear many people cheering for the finale and i find it really hard to deal with. I always considered myself an open person who fights for healthy love as the only redeeming quality of the universe. I could see people's point of view, even if it didn't sit well with mine, and I would always try to hear them out respectfully until they weren't being respectful themselves. That said, I'm fully unable to understand cheering for this type of spiteful content and hearing those cheers makes me feel like the entire world is listening to "this is how you treat your fans, this is how to abuse your power over naive sheep, this is how to keep dumb, hopeful minorities in check" and taking notes.

It also upsets me that the people who gave this show all of themselves and tried to understand it to the core are given no resolution, are spitted on and buried under the rug for doing their best to appreciate the art and the story it was telling. Yet people, who just hang around and watch the show doing the dishes, with no consideration to it's story or characters, got as nonsensical ending as their whole idea of character development in SPN.

I know people say that it was good enough, because it leaves space for guessing and own interpretation, but I feel it's really undermining the extend to which the finale was awful and hurtful to the fans. There is no end that realistically could stop fanfic writers from finding way around it in the world of Supernatural, so saying it was thoughtful of them Is like excusing abusive partner because "they could hit me harder, but they didn't. That means they care"

Lose ends, characters being written in a way that is totally not true to them and their development (personally my biggest allegation), dismissing years of story development, proving that it was all 'queerbaiting' in big part in the end (hell, even the whole "Cas is in heaven so do with it what you will" is a shameful way of appalling to LGBTQ community after using them so hard.

In the pie scene, the roles should be swapped, it's Dean who should say that Cas is on his mind and Sam explaining him that it's only right to keep on living doing good in their name. That's what Dean told Sam at the beginning of the season, when Sam lost Rowena, so it would be at least a bit poetic. This would at least give us some truth from Dean for once, but he died how he lived, in shadow of his fear to be true towards his feelings and needs. And as he died, he bound his little brother to the hunting till the end of his days, by guilting him into it on his deathbed. Guess Dean took after his father.

Have you realised what that emotional "love speech" from Dean to Sam resulted in? It was writers taking back Cas' confession after they didn't need our viewership anymore.

They basically gave us love confession to get us to follow the finale and when they didn't need us anymore, not only they didn't commit to the confession, but they undermined it by having Dean's speech to Sam go the way it did with obviously higher emotional charge, successfully taking back the value of Cas' confession and making it about a bait for "Tumblr idiots"

Finale killed my feelings towards Destiel, not because it wasn't confirmed canon, but because from what I see in the episode, they canonically confirmed that

- for Dean, Cas was only means to an end, which is such an awful way of ending Cas' character arc. They gave him everything he was scared of and nothing close to consolation price and they dare to tell us he had a happy ending, "because they said so". Well, I didn't see him being happy, and knowing what i textually know i can empathise enough to say that he faced a miserable finish. Even Chuck got an end that was better than Cas' fate.

- Dean, given power to do anything he could dream of, chooses to not even greet Cas, after Cas gave his whole life to Dean, told him he loved him and died for him. I know some people consider the little smirk of Dean confirmation of his feelings, but let's be real for just a second. If someone you deeply loved for years confessed to you, told you they thought you don't love them back, you would be freaking running to see them and tell them how much you love them. That smirk to me reads as "I'm relieved to know you're not going to spend eternity in mega hell that i left you in" and we really need to stop giving credit to writers for scraps like this when it's the last episode ever and we know this isn't going anywhere.

Not to mention that by having Jack bring Cas back behind the scenes it just highlights the fact that Dean didn't ask him to do that in episode 19.

As result, I'm unable to look at any Destiel scene and not think "in here Cas already loved him and in here Dean already abuses the power he had over Cas, because of his one-sided love"

And yet, the episode and endgames for everyone (maybe not Sam, but he was seriously pinning for Dean his entire life. Wincest much?) managed to be so bad, that not even bringing Cas back or following up on Destiel would make a difference in my eyes. I know you believe that Destiel would save it, but for me as much as it would be a redeeming quality, it wouldn't be enough to save this awfulness that writer doomed characters with.

And all the Wincest scenes in the finale... I low key expected them to make out and it made me feel physically sick. Also, cutting Misha out because of coronavirus is a cheap excuse. We all know better than to believe that, so let's not fall for the self pity play from the abuser.

If you managed to stay with me till this point, thank you so much for hearing me out. I hope i didn't anger you with my monologue. I will always think of the lamp when i think of you. The reality is that you were the lamp for so many of us in this darkness.

Love you so much, wish all the best to you, take care of yourself and stay safe!

Oh my god, if I didn’t cry with the final, I definitely am crying now. And now I have to explain my partner why I’m staring at my laptop and sobbing ugly. What have you done? 

First of all, I hear you pain, my friend! I share it! I didn’t spend a second after the final without the feeling of my heart being shuttered into million pieces, being stitched back just to break again, and so on and so on. 

I had my first panic attack in two years yesterday, when I kept thinking about the message the show sent to the fandom via Dean’s fate. I have a few posts in my draft on the matter, but I am not sure I will ever share them, because it is one strong depresso, and I don’t think people following me should see how fucked up it really is (if they didn’t get it by themselves, of course). 

I want to remind you, my gentle soul, that the story belongs to us. We know Dean, we know Cas, we know Sam and others. We know that the final is not who they are! I know it’s hard to ignore the text, the canon, because it’s kinda godsent, but the truth is essential. And the final is not the truth.

The truth: 

Cas loves Dean, he sacrificed himself for him, he saved his life on multiple occasions, he told all those beautiful things and he meant every word.

Dean loves Cas, he was on his lowest every time he lost him, Cas was his “big win”, his best friend, his brother, his white light that lead him out of his anger, hatred and despair. He took a dog and called it Miracle, he was looking for a job to retire from hunting, he didn’t kill Chuck - all of that, because the sacrifice Cas made was not in vain! The message was clear. 

I choose to ignore the “Carry on”, the only attention it is going to get is me creating 20 more mails just to put a one star review there and to drop some more salty or bitter comments with it. Maybe I will read through some reviews, too, add them to my collection. 

Maybe I will one day write here an article from scriptwriting perspective how fucked up in was, because that’s what I can do about it, without throwing up. 

If you can’t ignore it, I understand it. It is painful, it is disrespectful, I hate it as much as you do, probably. 

If there’s anything I can do for you to feel better, just drop me a message, we can talk about it. I am on the lowest, too, but maybe we can help each other.

You say I was your lamp. Let me lead you our of the darkness one more time <3 

CW can suck my metaphorical dick (I’m tagging every angry post with it), but Supernatural is not just the show on CW, it’s a big family. 

And you can’t give up on it! You can’t give up on Dean and Cas, you can’t give up on Destiel! It’s so much bigger then the show itself.

Rediscover the show for yourself, remind yourself that Dean and Cas are real, it was never one sided, it was always something amazing. 

What is real? We are.

Don’t you ever change.

I rather have you, cursed or not.

It’s love, hun, and love always wins. 

#the15yearshow #spn #destiel #cw #can suck my metaphorical dick #sinnabonka answers

[kneamet]

Angel of cards (9/16)

Trigger Warning: yandere, obsession, obsessive thoughts, kidnapping, threats, 

Summary: Joker, Mr. J, anarchist psychopath, Tom Hiddleston. He had many nicknames. Joker was Gotham’s most dangerous and insightful man, with sharp makeup and horribly memorable scars on his face in the form of a smile. He was absolutely crazy and deadly. No one knows his real identity and everyone is afraid of his cruel jokes. But what happens when he becomes obsessed with an ordinary girl?

She belongs to him. No one can take her away from him. Even The Batman.

Chapter nine: sweet voice

She was so beautiful when she was asleep, the Joker thought to himself, standing in his angel's room now, looking at her with admiring eyes. She was so beautiful.

Her light brown hair, which was tied in a small ponytail, was awkwardly disheveled. Her beautiful brown eyes, which usually looked at him with a little fear and fortitude, were now closed and in a blissful state.

Her hands... Ah, her beautiful hands. The fingers of her hands were long, which went well with her work. Just as long and smart.

The Joker raised his hand and looked at her, his lips curling slightly in self-loathing. Terribly. The most terrible hands on the planet. Insignificant, full of scars and memories of a past life.

He looked down at his lap, where he kept the book he had brought for his angel. Jane Eyre. The Joker didn't particularly like romance, and he knew that his angel wouldn't want to read this, since she only liked detective stories, but he had no choice.

This book was insisted on by this cute romantic who always wanted to be heard. And even though he sometimes took his body back, the Joker didn't allow it. His taste in books was terrible, though.

But if you think about it, you can understand that if Tom had not cut out the scars, then the Joker himself would not have been. He just wouldn't show up.

***

The boy walked stiffly down the dark alley, shoulders hunched. He looked around quickly. This place did not cause him any comfort and all he wanted to do now was hide somewhere far away, but rather than stay here and go home to his mother and stepfather, who were clearly drinking now.

He blinked a couple of times, shaking his head, and licked his dry lips. He didn't really want to think about his parents. They certainly wouldn't have been happy to see him, and his mother might have beaten him up. He looked at his hand. There were several deep cuts on it, which had already turned into terrible scars, which were so fiercely mocked by his classmates.

He sighed.

"Hey, little guy?" a loud but slightly hoarse voice was heard. Tom's eyes widened and he began to quicken his pace. He didn't want to run into drunk adults.

However, the boy did not have time to run away. He could hear those menacing footsteps. It seems that there were even several of them. Tom swallowed, starting to run.

"Actually, I'm talking to you, boy," he felt a large hand fall on his shoulder and a weightless shiver run down his spine. He began to take sharp breaths and tried to pull away. "And you're handsome" whispered in the face of the unknown guy.

He stroked Tom's face with a rough hand, and leaning even closer, his breath burning, he asked, " What's your name?"

"T-tom-m," he stammered, tilting his head further down and lifting his shoulders up. He wanted to hide, hide in some corner, and hope for the best.

"All right, Tom," the guy muttered. "Call me Daddy Alex," he said, smiling prettily. Tom saw the man pull a small object out of his pocket. He swallowed and tried to pull away again, but suddenly he felt a knife pressed against his face.

"P-please," Tom whispered, begging for mercy, starting to burst into tears without even holding back. Suddenly, he felt a slight pain at the corner of his mouth. His gaze snapped back to it and he stifled a silent cry, opening his eyes more.

"Naughty boy Tommy," the man muttered sweetly, his hands shaking and barely controlling his movements. "Never mind, Daddy Alex will punish you."

And Tom suddenly felt a new pain on her cheek. He screamed, choking on his tears, but no one even paid attention to his cry. The pain continued to grow. It was getting stronger.

"I'm singing in the rain

Just singing in the rain, " Alex sang softly, starting to press down on Tom's cheeks again. He just started crying again.

***

The Joker quickly shook his head, regaining control of Thomas ' body. He spends too much time on it.

In fact, the Joker played a noble man for Tom, which will always help him, but at some time the Joker got tired of it and decided to show himself real. The way he is.

He blinked a couple of times. Hell, no. Joker grabbed the green hair and just started pulling it back. Damn, damn, damn. Damn people. He practically growled.

"M-Mr. Joker, are you all right," a quiet, calm, but slightly frightened voice suddenly sounded. Oh, the Joker sighed. Beautiful voice. He raised his blue eyes, which he thought were disgusting, and looked into his favorite eyes. The eyes of his beautiful angel.

"It's all right, my angel, it's all right," Joker muttered, getting up from the hard chair where he had been sitting meekly.

He started to approach the terrified man to his beloved angel. He tilted his head slightly. Why did his angel continue to fear him? After all, all he does is give her his affection and love, which he tried to express with great feelings.

"My angel," he almost whispered in a soft voice, drawing closer and closer to his angel. My favorite angel.

He continued to hold in his hands and hiding behind his large and strong back a gift in the form of a book. He was sure she would be glad of it.

"I brought you a gift," he raised one eyebrow and sighed, gathering his full strength as he handed the gift to his angel.

He watched her face. The way she frowns, trying her eyes and trying to see the book. She picked up the gift with a polite smile. However, what the Joker didn't like was the fear seeping out of her eyes. Why does she continue to be afraid? He had done everything for her!

He tensed his face and clenched the hand he had already gloved into a sore and strong fist. He didn't particularly want to show his innocent angel his ugly and disgusting hands.

"Jane Eyre?" his angel whispered softly. He could feel the fear radiating from her. Didn't she like it? Was she hoping for something less romantic? Idiot, fucking idiot. "Thank you," came the soft voice from his angel again, and he looked closely at her unforgettable face, seeing the note of gratitude in it. Does she like books like that?

His face brightened slightly and he smiled as he continued to look down at his angel. That's fine.

"My angel, would you like to read to me? I so want to hear your sweet voice, " the Joker whispered, leaning down and stroking his gloved hand over his angel's cheek.

He felt the startled gaze on him again, but he only took a deep breath and moved away from his angel. Her suspicious gaze struck him to the heart.

He quickly went to the soft bed where his angel was sleeping and where he would soon be sleeping and sat down on it, waving his hand in the direction of his angel, who was watching his behavior in confusion.

He pointed to his knee and waved at her, as if beckoning her to sit down. The Joker felt as if he wanted to resist him, but he didn't say anything about it, because she immediately sent him to the specified place. On the Joker's lap.

He felt that it was quite light. His angel didn't eat enough? Her diet was well established. He personally saw to it.

"Go ahead, my angel," the Joker whispered in his ear in a hoarse voice, letting out a small chuckle and beginning to stroke his angel's disheveled hair. How soft, he suppressed a groan.

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston gif #tom hiddleston smut #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston x oc #OC: Blake Dent #tom hiddleston x ofc #tom hiddleston x original female character #yandere #yandere loki #yandere Tom Hiddleston #loki #loki x reader #obsessive loki #yandere loki x reader #batman #tom hiddleston as the joker #joker x reader #joker #yandere joker #obsession #obsessive #obsessive tom hiddleston #kidnapping #yandere tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x you

[j-hoseok94]

Book:House of Cards

Author:ReyRey

01•02•03•04

Four

The question rolled off his tongue a little too easily as I stood stunned and not knowing exactly what to say, I just looked up at his cute little bunny smile. "Uhh.. well..T-This weekend?" I looked down almost not wanting to say yes but also not wanting to lose the chance to find out what he was asking exactly. He kept his eyes on me and i wish that he wasn't so close to me so I could think. I didn't really have anything to do but i had to make it look like i was a busy girl. I chewed on my bottom lip over thinking what he was asking. "Um i'm actually not busy this weekend. Why do you ask?"

His smile growing as he heard what I said. "So what you're saying is you're free?" I nodded as he rubbed his thumb along his bottom lip. I couldn't help but look at his bottom lip looking slightly puffy and as pink as a cherry blossom tree in the middle of spring. They looked irresistible and I knew he was rubbing his thumb there on purpose just so it would draw my attention there.

He chuckled and let his hand fall to his side as he continued to stare. "That's actually great cause Jimin is throwing a party on Saturday and you are now my plus one princess."

My mouth dropped open,"I-I.." Honestly i was at a loss for words, here I was a very shy awkward girl who really only had one friend, and here he was one of the most popular guys in our school asking me to a party. "Great so I'll let you know what time it starts and where it's at. See you on Saturday princess."He pushed a strand from my face and tucked it behind my ear. His touch gentle but intentional, i couldn't breathe and was still in shock as I watched him walk away.

'What the actual fuck just happened?' I asked myself as I started walking home. Soon enough my best friend was there waking next to me. I was still in my thoughts not even really noticing him talking to me about his day. As I pulled myself out of my very puzzled thoughts i listened to what he was saying,"You wouldn't even believe my day Rose! My crush she lent me a pencil! Oh god why is she so freaking pretty i can't even form words, i'm too shy. Rose! Rose? Are you even listening to me?"

I laughed, he acted like such a girl sometimes well to be honest he was only that way around me cause we grew up together and I rubbed off on him. He used to be so serious and he tries too hard, but he is super sweet and whoever ends up with him would be lucky to have him. He's a big teddy bear and way too shy for his own good. I've tried to break him out of his little shell he's formed over the years from the constant rejection, but nothing I do really works. I mean shit ladies he's not ugly and he's always working out so his body was always in tip top shape. Though he is a huge nerd and a dork so i guess why some girls are like ehh. Still he was adorable in his own way.

"I'm listening chipmunk calm down you're acting like a female." He pouted at me calling him a chipmunk but he let it go.

Deepening his voice on purpose,"I'm not a female i'm a man." I died of laughter having to stop in my tracks and hunch over strands of my hair falling forward. "Aw man you're hilarious. How could you even say that when you were practically squealing over a girl lending you a pencil?" I scrunch my eyebrows at him and continued walking wiping the tears that came to my eyes from laughing so hard.He punched my arm,"Hey! Don't be mean." I wrapped my arm around his shoulder, "Oh chipmunk you're adorable sometimes." I giggled as we walked the rest of the way to my house.

~

It was late, maybe around 10 pm i glanced at my passed out best friend he was sprawled across my couch. His long bangs covering one of his eyes as he lightly snored. It was adorable and he looked like a little kid when he was knocked out like this. I grabbed my fluffy blue blanket gently placing it over my best friend as I pushed his bangs from his face, he shifted, I froze fearing that i woke him up but after a moment he resumed his light snoring. I let out my held breath "Pheww that was close.." I tiptoed to my room and climbed into my soft bed making sure to place my phone on it's charger.

BZZ..

I groaned 'I was just getting comfy' I rolled over grabbing my phone and unlocking the screen.

JUNGKOOK:

I'm excited for Saturday princess i hope you are to 😉

I did a double take as i realized it was Jungkook texting me..and it was 10 at night why was he messaging me so late.

ROSE:

WTH it's freaking 10 at night why are you messaging me so late? How did you even get my number?

BZZ..

JUNGKOOK:

It's not that hard for a person like me to get your number sweetheart.

I grew annoyed with his pet names they made me cringe.

ROSE:

Stop calling me weird names creeper. Anyways i never actually said i would go with you soo..

I smirked at my response trying to unleash some of my smart ass qualities ..it wasn't working.

BZZ..

JUNGKOOK:

Aww princess it was never an option. I'm Jungkook i always get what i want and right now i want you. You'll soon realize how you truly feel for me.

I read the text slightly disturbed 'What the hell was he thinking i didn't like him like that, i mean yeah he's hot but i would never date him. How would he 'make me' like what was he gonna do, kidnap me?' i paused at my thoughts as they turned dark. i shook my head 'no he was a creep but he wouldn't stoop that low.'

I decided to leave the conversation at that not wanting to waste time on him. I laid down letting my eyelids close as I drifted to sleep wanting this week to be done with.

~

It was Friday finally and that meant the party was tomorrow. I was actually nervous i had never been to a party let alone invited to one and here one of the biggest fuckboys in school was pretty much making me go. I closed my locker swiftly and locked it as i was about to turn around i heard footsteps stop behind me. I didn't want to turn around what if it was Yoongi he was avoiding me like the plague ever since he lost his temper in the hallway. I took a deep breath,"Why hello Princess how's your day going?" I stifled a groan. Jungkook. I turned around, fast to respond in a smart ass way, but as I turned I was met with three other guys standing around Jungkook. I froze, my mouth agape like an idiot. "What's wrong Rose? Finally have nothing to say back?" I scowled at him clutching my books so tight to my chest causing my boobs to be smashed closer to me. He looked down at my actions, eyebrows raising a small grin forming on his face.

"Don't even think about it!" i scolded him,"What do you want Jungkook?"

"I already told you princess i want you" I rolled my eyes at him ignoring his comment.

"Are you not gonna introduce us to your friend here Kookie?" a very tall angelic man said nudging Jungkook with his elbow. Kookie rolled his eyes now with a scoff,"Sure Taehyung you can meet Rose." The tall guy reached out his hand his half blonde half pink hair looking intentionally messy which only added to angelic features his contacts making him have blue eyes made me melt a little. I smiled weakly up towards him extending my hand out to meet his. He had such big hands but they were soft as fuck. "I'm Taehyung but you can call me Tae. It's nice to finally put a pretty face to the name." He smiled a cute ass boxy smile and I couldn't help but feel a little more relaxed. I giggled maybe a little too much,"Nice to meet you Tae."

Jungkook looking a little irritated,"Well i mind as well introduce everyone then. Hoseok, Jimin this is Rose." I shifted my attention to the other guys standing beside kookie. Hoseok had brown hair and brown eyes, taller than me, but to be fair everyone was taller than me. His smile was like a ray of sunshine as he waved to me. "Hiiiii Rose, You can call me Hobi." I smiled politely and waved back.

Jimin ,who was a few inches taller than me, had purplish grey hair and he had some grey contacts on which complimented his hair. He looked at me sideways checking me out head to toe. "Great choice for your plus one Jungkook. Don't break her alright." He patted Kookie's shoulder and turned to walk away not even giving me another glance. Jungkook looked over his shoulder to Jimin with a chuckle,"No promises ChimChim."

I stared after Jimin wide eyed 'Break her? Wth did he think was gonna happen at this party!' I glared at Jungkook disgusted with his response. I would make him wish he could have me. "I have class I'll see you guys tomorrow at the party right? Tae and Hobi?" They looked at me, smiled and nodded,"Great bye boys." Deciding to be bold and confident for once in my life I built up the courage and I gently brushed my finger under Tae's chin, "I'll see you later handsome." Winking at him i walked right past a very wide eyed Jungkook and ran my finger across Hobi's chest, "You too Hobi."

I continued off to class turning a corner, my confidence faltering as I realized what I just did. I started shaking 'What the fuck was that? Where did that come from? I was just so damn triggered that Jungkook even thought he had a chance. I didn't mean for that to come off that way. Fuck.'

I tried my very best to forget that had even happened. For the rest of the day I stayed to myself not talking much. Last period came and Yoongi actually showed up for class plopping down next to me. He looked over at me. I had my chin resting on my hand and I was fiddling with my pencil not paying any real attention to him. "What's wrong with you? Boyfriend break up with you or something?"

I scrunch my eyebrows and let a light laugh escape my mouth. "What boyfriend? No one here wants to date me." I said in a low voice, not having enough energy to hold my tongue or hide my low self esteem.He scrunched his eyebrows at me looking almost upset at my comment but I just assumed I was over analyzing. I sighed deeply closing my eyes for a moment,"Look, I don't really wanna talk today so i don't care what you do for the project i gave my ideas so do with it what you want. Okay?" He nodded not saying anything else.

I really didn't wanna go to this stupid party tomorrow my anxiety was already high as fuck and now it was taking it's toll on my energy. If I don't go Jungkook would probably show up at my house like the creep he is and drag me out of the house. 'What would i even wear?' I didn't have any chick friends so asking for fashion advice was a no go. My best friend he had no idea about girls fashion and he had never been to a party as far as i knew so again a no. I glanced over at Yoongi who had his headphones in his ears clearly lost in his music occasionally jotting down corrections to be made to the rhythm.

He had on black little hoop type earrings, a yellow Rolling Stones t-shirt with white suspenders attached to his dark blue torn jeans, black combat boots and a black leather jacket with pins and zippers on it. He looked cute and obviously he had some sense of fashion I decided to ask him. I would probably instantly regret it but I didn't have anyone else to ask that would be honest. I nudged his elbow a little he didn't even budge. I nudged again... Nothing. 'Alright i guess i have to resort to extreme measures.' I reached up and ruffled his minty hair causing it to stick up in a weird way. He flinched and almost fell out of his chair. "What the hell!?" he looked over at me eyes blazing with anger. I couldn't help but laugh at his reaction covering my mouth with my sleeve trying to stay quiet.

"I'm sorry...You.... You weren't responding to my nudges...So I had to resort to... extreme measures." laughing in between every few words.

He scratched his head and started running his fingers through his hair trying to fix what i messed up,"What do you want?"

I cleared my throat and sat upright. "So Jungkook is making me go to this party Jimin is throwing tomorrow and i don't know what to wear honestly cause, i've never been invited to parties so I guess what I'm asking is what should i wear?" I rambled on for too long it seemed.

He just looked at me, his face expressionless. "Jungkook invited you? Ha what the hell was he thinking, inviting someone like you to Jimin's party? Well you don't have the curves for a dress and you probably don't know how to walk in heels..honestly the clothes you wear to school is unattractive so i don't see why you would even go. To top it all off you don't even have that pretty of a face. Just stay home."

As he finished his rant i was so shocked i didn't even notice the tears that had welled up in my eyes, slowly spilling over the edge. "You didn't need to be such a jerk about it Yoongi!" I grabbed my book bag and without another look back i ran out of the class not caring that it wasn't over yet. I ran blurry eyed and all to the exit not wanting to even be in the same building as him. 'Why did I ever think Min Yoongi was anything more than an asshole.' I ran my ass all the way home, not stopping until I got there.

-Yoongi-

Yoongi wasn't trying to hurt her feelings he was just so consumed with anger at Jungkook. How could he invite Rose to Jimin's party what was his end goal? Oh who was he kidding it's Kookie we all knew his end goal. Yoongi just wanted to protect her to keep her from making the same mistakes other girls did when they went with Kookie. If he had to make her hate him he was willing to go that far. He didn't understand why he was so protective of her. He just was, she was too innocent for this world and too fragile. Perfect like an untouchable statue or better yet a Goddess.

He walked aimlessly after class the memory of her crying face as she stared at him. His heart ached 'Why did she have to look so heartbroken' He hated seeing her sad let alone cry he just wanted to hold her and run his fingers through her long black hair. He suppressed his thoughts. He knew he could never be with her the way he was thinking. He kept brushing it off like it meant nothing to him. There was no way he had actual feelings for her. 'It's just sexual tension that's all, i just need to get her and then i'll be over it.' He laughed it off like what he thought was the truth. 'Now I have to go to this party and make sure Kookie behaves.' He shoved his hands in his pocket and headed home. Mentally noting that he had to get to Rose first before Kookie could get his grubby little hands on her.

'Watch yourself Kookie you're playing a dangerous game. One you're not prepared to play.'

He lowered his head at the thought, letting his Minty bangs cover his eyes as he smiled.

XX

#houseofcardsbook #bts fanfic #fanfic #bts #army #bts smut #smuttyfanfic #smutty #bad boy #wattpad

[shakethispeare]

THE FLOWERS OF WAR (2011)

— MOVIE REVIEW — 

CASTS

Christian Bale | Ni Ni | Zhang Xinyi | Tong Dawei | Atsuro Watabe | Shigeo Kobayashi | Cao Kefan | Huang Tianyuan and others.

DIRECTOR

Zhang Yimou

MUSIC SCORE

Qigang Chen

GENRE

War, Drama

SYNOPSIS

John Miller (Christian Bale) is an American Mortician tasked with burying Winchester Cathedral's priest in Nanjing, where at the time was a city ravaged by the war between the Chinese and Japanese, also known as the Second Sino-Japanese War. However, he ends up taking refuge at the church, along with convent girls and prostitutes. However, they are always under the constant threat of the Japanese soldiers. Eventually, John tries to protect them while finding a way to leave the city.

RUNNING TIME

2h 26m

MY RATING

10 / 10 — 🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕

REVIEW

“Heartbreaking and Hard to Forget.”

A friend recommended me this movie. After reading the summary and finding out the story takes place around the time of the Japanese's occupation of Nanjing, I knew that it was going to be a disturbing story. I know about Nanjing's Massacre. It's brutal, one that even the Chinese people living today, especially in Nanjing, have a hard time forgetting and forgiving the uncountable atrocities the Japanese troops have committed in their city.

I just realised that the director is Zhang Yimou, the same guy who directed The Great Wall, the one with Matt Damon and Pedro Pascal in it. Zhang Yimou presented a story that is both captivating and thought-provoking. They will tug at your heartstrings too. Many scenes in this movie were hard to watch, but it is still worth seeing. The story is delivered with attractive visuals and outstanding cinematography. It might be graphic for some, especially the war battle scenes. But Zhang definitely knows what he was doing, and it is evident that he took every single shot with absolute diligence. The battlefield was artfully detailed, from the damaged buildings to even as small as an abandoned soldier's shoe. The camera will take you on the intense experience of how a real and ugly a battlefield is like. So, be prepared for all sorts of cruelty that will come up on the screen.

All actors and actresses exceptionally executed their roles. I am amazed by the Chinese casts even though most of them were amateurs like the convent girls. But their expressions, cries and screams were terrifyingly real to the point I had goosebumps and had to pause in some scenes because it was a lot for me to take in about what they were going through. Yu Mo's actress, Ni Ni, was elegantly charming that she will hook one's heart from the moment she enters the gates of the church. And the fact that this is her debut role makes it even more astonishing. Christian Bale is the westerner who has conflicted thoughts on saving himself or helping the refugees at the church. His character evolved from being a self-indulgent coward to a hero, although unfortunately, he wasn't able to save everyone at the end. The main characters had character growth as the story progresses, and it is well-written.

A movie is rarely complete without a soundtrack, and Qigang Chen aids the scenes with the distinctive and gentle Chinese-themed music in the background. Despite the gruesome nature of the movie, the pluck of the pipa strings leaves a calm and resounding echo, and not to mention, they have included a Chinese folk song. The violin solo performed by Joshua Bell was soothing. All of the above created a lively atmosphere altogether.

Some say this movie is a propaganda production, which I have to disagree here. Every aspect of this movie is based and inspired on real history. I feel like many people are not aware of the brutal Nanjing Massacre. For me, the film latched deep in my mind. I still haven't walked out of it entirely. I applaud Zhang for wanting to make such a provocative film that is based on a novella by Geling Yan, which is inspired by the diary of Minnie Vautrin. History is seldom pretty, but we should always be reminded of it.

I think this movie is underrated, but then again, I wouldn't recommend this to people who only watch movies just for the sake of watching it, or to those people I know who prefer to watch lighthearted ones. Because this movie is far from lighthearted. This is a powerful movie showing the ugly sides of a war, but also how there is light even in the darkest times. For me, this is a movie that I could only see once. I don’t plan to rewatch it again because there is a lot to take in. It will leave your heart heavy and your eye bags wet. Do watch this if you want to get a perspective of the Sino-Japanese War.

#it is still quarantine #movie reviews #kind of #the flowers of war 2011 #war #drama

[lovingbjorn]

Ninety days. It is Bjorn's 90th day today and my body seem to have an internal alarm. Right after midnight, I started crying for no reason. I thought about Bjorn and checked the date. 90 days since I lost my son. A huge wave of grief just hit me. So today, I write to honor him by honoring those I am most grateful for.

Today I honor those who held my hand. Those who are not related to us by blood but have become family. And I honor those who gave me a reason to get up everyday and function. These people have stayed with me in my dark place and waited for me to come out and see the light again.

So in no particular order here they are.

Doogie, my bestfriend in HS. The first to come for me. The one who saw me first after that miscarriage. And the first in a lot of things in my life. Thank you for the beautiful words, for the sage, for showing me how to honor my son, for loving me when I truly felt unworthy and unlovable. For holding me when I felt like I am breaking apart. I cry until now when I think about that moment you walked into the hospital room. I thought, it has started. People seeing me at my lowest, at my most broken, it has become real... losing Bjorn. That you were there to mourn with me. And I could not have survived it if it was anyone else. I am glad it was you who came to me first. I am happy it was you who showed up and shared that first few quiet moments after that loss. I wouldn't want it any other way.

Darlene and Kento. Both have worked for me since Arkitekto Kolab days and they have been my biggest supporters in EVERYTHING. They have seen me fail and get back up, lose both my parents, and now Bjorn too. Darlene cries whenever I cried and of all my work babies I think it is she who has cried with me the most. Kento, whom I have loved too as my own, spends most of his time comforting me and Darlene. A true gentleman and friend. They were one of the few who I thought to call first when I lost Bjorn. And I did. Thank you Dardar and Kento for everything you have done for me and more.

Monique took care of me when I was hurting, she would show up during the oddest hours just so she can sit with me. And she has been my comfort blanket through all of this. Crying too when I cry, happy when she sees me happy. This girl has a good heart and I would want to see her truly happy because she deserves it so much. Thank you for being with me and sitting with me in the hospital, visiting Bjorn, or just trying to stay alive. I am truly blessed to have you in my life, Niq.

Jam who is on top of my list is not in the photos (for some reason, I don't have a photo of her). She is a steady and true friend. She has her own struggles with friendships but she did not let that stop her from giving and being a true friend to me. Jam, you have no idea how lucky people are to have you. And I am blessed too because you chose to stick around in my life. You came back for me and picked me up when I couldn't. You sat with me and ate peanuts with me in the hospital because it was the only human thing I can think of doing at that time. Yet, no matter how painful it was to hear me talk or see me in my darkness, you sat right there and chose to be with me.

Myk, you moron, leaving me! What am I going to do without you? Well, for a year at least. I tried my best to hide from you after the miscarriage because I thought I have told you sad stories enough. But you came with your love anyway. Accepting all my decisions, processing with me (even if I felt I did not need it), and loving me all the same even if I was being stubborn. I love you, you know that right? I am glad I have you. Please come back soon because who else would rescue me if I get stuck somewhere?

Diane (and Aiys - who is not in the photos) - my favorite brats in the whole world! Our friendship does not need to always have presence. I honestly thought I have lost you guys, but you reached out and I felt so relieved. I have lost friends along with losing my parents and Bjorn. Maybe because I secluded myself so much, maybe because it felt like I can't love anymore, or maybe because I did not want to lose anyone anymore. But in true brat fashion, you guys just snapped yourselves back in and I am all the better for it. I love you guys, immensely.

This kid volunteered to be my son. Roj. And my coach said Roj is in Bjorn's name inverted. And the more I think about it, the more I am glad I found my son in him. Roj is not a replacement, although admittedly, it was easy to see him as so. A few weeks after the miscarriage he came to me and said: "Can you be my mommy?" And boy did I cry. I agreed, of course. Who wouldn't? You see, this boy came out as bisexual during our LEAP journey and I over the weeks I found him to be a true gentleman, a hardworking kid, and a really good friend to all. I felt honored he even asked me to be his mommy. Moreover, I thought, if Bjorn came to be, I would want him to grow up and be like this boy. Thank you Rorow for calling me your mom. I needed that, it did help me get up. I had someone who was counting on me to get up and make something of myself. But more than being a son, you have been a great addition to my family. I can't wait for King and your sisters to finally meet you.

Vince and AJ. The brother and the Kuya. Vince started my LEAP journey with me and I will forever be grateful because if I wasn't LEAPing, I would have done horrible things to myself during the miscarriage. He brought me to people who saw the best in me in my worst. AJ has been with me since day 1 of grieving, he saw how broken I was even before I did and volunteered to sit with me through it all. These 2 are my most constant cheerleaders. Always rooting for me no matter what. Thank you guys, I never had kuyas but you two have been more than that to me. You guys saved me from myself. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Lionheart, Kelly, Pau, Mommy J, Lawrence the fallout (haha), Buddy Beng, and of course, my Coach, whom I love very dearly. Where do I even start? Shale, you are one hell of a woman. I don't know how you carried all of us to the finish line but you did. I love you guys with all of my heart. Thank you for loving the good, the bad, and the ugly in me.

My other Undaunted constants: Rai, Tim, Jeca, Ken, and Mau. Solid support. Grabe. Ang iyak ko parang hindi na maubos-ubos. And here I am speaking tagalog because of you lot. How do I even begin to thank each one of you? We had our crazy nights, and on my loneliest, andyan pa rin kayo. Mau, of course, is in this list because he is awesome. I am here for you guys, no matter what. In the very short time we have known each other, we have been in our most vulnerable, so bawal na unfriend sa atin. We know our worst secrets already! Hahaha

SPAM. I will never forget how you all gathered to just sit and have a drink with me. You all shared painful memories of your past when I clammed up and refused to talk for fear of ugly-crying in front all of you. But you talked anyway. It took all of my strength not to cry that night. So much so that I just burst into tears the moment I got home. I have never truly told you guys personally how I appreciate every single one of you. And I promise to take care of this friendship. I love you guys immensely. Hard to believe, but I really do. What started out as professional connection has become a full-blown friendship that I cannot undo and I refuse to undo. You guys are all blessings to me. I would have stopped being an architect, it is easy to just give up, but you guys are such a great support group, I don't know what I would do without you lot. Thank you, SPAM. I will always always always be grateful for you guys.

Chess and Kevin. My dynamic duo. Thank you for visiting me at home and allowing me to pour my heart out. Shen and Audie were there two. My A+KO babies just barged right back into my life unannounced when I was going through the toughest time in my life. I thought I didn't need it, but I am thankful now that you did. It reminds me to keep on doing good no matter how much I get hurt. Good intentions always sparks another. And I am glad I sparked something in you guys. When I needed to be reminded, you guys came at the right time.

Buck (who isn't in the photo), thank you for allowing me to grieve and go on my own. I owe you a lot. You will always be a brother to me.

And the other people in my life I failed to mention or post photo of bec of the 10-photo limit: Ate Jaqi, Doj, Shailoe, Jimbo, Jorge, Steffi, Karen, John, Miljo, Aya, Sheila, DJ, Yssa, Arvin, Yen, Kooks, & the arki thesis kids Jaje, Joseph, Apollo, Karl, & Alexa. THANK YOU. The old constant friend, the unexpected friend, the coaches, the work kids, the extended work kids, the mentees, the young architect hopefuls who seem to put so much hope in me... You guys have given me little sparks of hope everyday, giving me purpose to get up, reminding me of my good, helping me accept my not-so-good, and believing that I can be bigger than myself.

Thank you for sharing my grief and my sorrow. I am rebuilding myself everyday, and doing that has been made a little bit easier because you all exist in my life.