#I MEAN I DON'T THINK SHE DESERVED TO BE CHEWED ON BY A DEMON FOR ALL ETERNITY BUT LIKE

[soulrph]

chaotic unhinged lines from 2022-2023 (prompt edition).

basically in 2021 i made a list of prompts inspired by lines in tiktok videos and instagram reels that made me laugh so hard i cried! and now i have returned with another list! these may provide an alarmingly clear image of what my sense of humor is (aka broken) but i figure a little levity is always a good thing! more prompts are forthcoming, but in the mean time: bon appetit!

knowledge has always chased you, but you've always been faster.

no... no, that was mango apathy juice. from the farmer's market.

of all these people, you are the one i understand the least. i want to get to know you better, but like, not that much better.

i-i will CHEW YOUR MEAT!! WHAT are you doing?!

ooooh god, no, you wouldn't be long getting frostbit!

you are evil. like a hobbit.

WHY MUST YOU FAIL ME SO OFTEN?!?!!?

i have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

AHEM!! fill my cup.

may god ignore you like you ignored my greetings.

i will avenge you mister van gogh.

call off work bestie, we need you to solve a murder. here's fifteen dollars.

you're not in love. you may think you are, you dumb fuck, but you're not.

go ahead and put the ranch away.

sadly, "hopefully" doth butter no parsnips.

forget school, i want to be an italian sandwich.

you shouldn't skip work, you are a lawyer and he is a hamster.

you can stop roleplaying now. you're free.

her coupon game was so fucking raw.

i'm sorry guys... he's making a salad.

you could get a straight guy here if you learned to make a good pasta. i'll teach you how to make a risotto that'll get you married and out of my basement.

hey, do you want me to get together a plate of roast beef and hide it in our room so we can have night meats?

it's not the most ethical thing in the world, but in a pinch you can hand off a cursed object to basically any baby.

no, children, you're wrong. once upon a time, there was a piece of wood.

and i'm not saying she deserved it, but i am saying that god's timing is always riiiiight.

hydrate or die-drate, ya DICK!

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was DEAD.

new york city is a fictional place written up by someone with a sinister mind and a knack for comedy.

this is grindr my guy.

wait, i didn't finish teaching you the difference between human and wolf anatomy.

it's time to tell your grandmother that she was wrong. do not be afraid.

vanilla vodka... you fucking child.

without ash to rise from, a phoenix would just be a bird getting up.

you are fucking alive. do what you want.

why are you cradling me like a baby, friend? this isn't how guys of my generation hang out.

i hope a hedgehog shits in your cereal, you difficult person.

you know, i am not as mean as i would like to be. and i think people should appreciate that more.

see, i am not a kangaroo.

well, i'd like to help, but... you see... not as much as i'd like not to.

rest in peace you fucking onion fairy.

when god sings with all his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?

i fight for a seat in heaven, every. single. day.

map maker? can you find me somewhere on the map where this big man thinks he's the king?

you bald-headed demon...

so... there are 24 million pigs in australia... and 24 million people... so if you ever feel lonely, there's like, a pig out there that's sort of your cosmic twin.

remember, alcohol is god's apology for making us self-aware.

i'm straight!! stop CONFUSING me!!!!!

you guys want something to eat? because... i know we'll die if we don't eat.

he is a BIBLICALLY gorgeous man. i wanna feed him grapes. i wanna fan him with the frond of a date palm from the forests of Lebanon. i wanna find the alabaster vial of perfume oil that one woman broke for jesus and comb it through his hair. like... he's stressing me OUT.

i'm not sad! i'm freaking HUNGRY!

maybe, if we wait a little bit longer, a fuck will fall into my hand, and i can give it to you.

it's not my fault you thought you lived in this IKEA.

let's leave my mother out of this.

jason may kill people but he's not bad enough to kick a dog.

i run for LUMP!

oh no, i'm all out of caring, baby!

you don't think it mcbe that way... but it mcdo.

what is this enticing bowl of white?

serious question, do his nipples sparkle?

what in the reese's peanut butter fuck is going on here?

if your parents don't buy it, stop loving them!

i just hope you know just how much you've decreased productivity today.

that was poetry at its FINEST.

and if you let that motherfucker shenan ONCE, you best believe they're gonna shenanIGAN!

may god bless the dinosaur that died to make the fossil fuel that was treated to become petrol in the car that took her mom to the hospital to give birth to her.

that's modern milk for ya. what a time to be alive.

you have attachment issues. please fix it.

remember when people had secrets? we should bring that back.

the moon landing was an elaborate marriage proposal.

i don't like the cobra chicken.

i didn't know eggs were this expensive? it's time to lay my own, i fear.

so you're saying the reason i don't have a girlfriend is because i'm not a big enough threat yet.

god gave him a top lip, that's why he's so powerful.

it's a common mistake, but frankenstein was actually the author.

i finally got a pocket-sized diary!!! also i don't get the concept of life.

if a beautiful woman disagrees with me, i will immediately change my view. i've no principles.

how did you all end up married to such boiled potatoes?

if so much as one tear drops from their eye... i will slap you back into your mum.

you are ringing a phone that does not like to be rung.

look how Dr. doofenschmirtz had a fucked up childhood but didn't project his trauma onto his teenage daughter. he projected it onto a platypus.

it is mathematically impossible for you to get a wedgie.

i'm breaking up with you. i love you, it's just... i don't think you could protect me from a mummy.

if you can't do fractions....... you will fucking die.

that's right; in the year 1791, all of our bottoms were killed in a Big Bottom Massacre.

people always assume i'm mean. like CAN you BELIEVE THAT CRAP?! like WHAT would make you think i'm MEAN?! I'M THE NICEST PERSON ON THE PLANET!

the chocolate milk is strikingly overpriced and at the same time very easy to steal; another of god's little tests.

someone's gotta tell the waiter that i ordered mashed 'taters and it sure as shit ain't gonna be me.

if i had a week i couldn't list all the reasons that wouldn't work.

#rp meme #roleplay meme #sentence starters #dialogue prompts #writing prompts

[harunayuuka2060]

MC: *feeding Luke*

Luke: *his cheeks puffing whenever he chews the food*

MC: *feels satisfaction that he's now fully-recovered*

Luke: MC?

MC: ?

Luke: Can I visit you in the House Of Lamentation?

MC: ...

MC: Luke, you know you're always free to go there.

Luke: *smiles* Because it's been a while.

MC: ...

MC: I'm sorry.

Luke: Why are you apologizing? I didn't say that to make you feel guilty.

MC: ...

Luke: *gets the plate from them and set it aside*

Luke: *holds both of their hands* But next time, don't end our friendship like that or you'll see me get mad. Hmph! *puffing his cheeks*

MC: ...

MC: *nods*

Luke: *giggles*

Simeon: *enters the room* Luke? Ah, MC. You're here. Good. I need to talk to both of you.

Luke: Huh?

Simeon: Luke, after you get discharged from this hospital, we will go back to Celestial Realm.

Luke and MC: *both look shocked*

Luke: I-Isn't that too sudden? We haven't finished the student exchange program yet—

Simeon: Diavolo said that it had to be postponed.

Luke: Oh...

MC: ...

MC: Does that mean Luke has no reason to stay here?

Simeon: Yes, MC. I'm afraid.

MC: ...

Luke: But we just got— *sad frowns*— How about extending my stay here for a few days?

Simeon: *smiles understandingly* I'll ask.

*Simeon managed to talk it out and Luke was allowed to stay one more week in Devildom*

Luke and MC: *has been spending the remaining time cuddling in their room while MC tells him stories told by their mother when she was still alive*

MC: In the end, the hawk and the rabbit had to depart separately.

Luke: That's quite sad...

MC: ...

MC: But mother said, the hawk continued to protect the rabbit from the distance. Stopping other hawks from hunting the rabbit.

Luke: ...

Luke: Was the hawk being careful though?

MC: *nods*

Luke: Would it continue to eat its meal and be healthy?

MC: *nods*

Luke: That's good! Because I'm sure the rabbit will see them again!

MC: ...

MC: *nods* No matter how much time passes, I'll be still your friend.

Luke: Hm! Maybe in another 1000 years, I'll be an archangel! Then, I'll be a proper big brother to you!

MC: You're already a proper big brother to me.

Luke: No! Big brothers cuddle! Not being cuddled!

MC: ...

MC: *hugs him tighter*

Luke: ...

Luke: *tearing up* Always take care of yourself, okay?

MC: *nods*

Levi: I've heard that Luke already left.

Mammon: Yeah. Simeon came to fetch him.

Levi: ...

Levi: How about MC?

Mammon: They didn't say anything.

Levi: ...

Mammon: What? You're not thinking of going in there so you can comfort them, are you?

Mammon: *mutters* Trying to replace Luke as soon as he left.

Levi: *blushes in embarrassment* I'm not thinking that way! And besides, it's not like I see MC as a friend or a sibling—

Asmo: Ooh~! Did I hear that right?

Levi: A-Asmo! What are you doing here?

Asmo: Too bad, Levi. You're too late.

Levi: Huh? What do you mean?

Asmo: I'm sure it's more likely that MC will end up with Beel. Not you or Satan.

Levi: ...

Mammon: How come?

Asmo: Eh? You didn't know? Before Luke left—

Luke: Beelzebub! Make sure no demons will try to make a move on MC while I'm away!

Beel: ...

Beel: Not even me?

Luke: Wha— What do you mean about that?! Of course that includes you!

Simeon: Luke, I think it isn't right that you restrict MC from having a relationship. *sweat drop*

Luke: I'm not restricting them! It's just that— no one deserves them here in Devildom!

Beel: Um... Me?

MC: ...

MC: I don't remember you being interested in me.

Beel: I am. I'm just not being obvious.

Asmo: And that's how it went.

Levi: ...

Mammon: Yo, bro? Are you okay?

Levi: *fumes* I'm not okay! Tell me where Beel is! How dare he be sneaky?! *runs to find him*

Mammon: ...

Mammon: You just made that up, didn't you?

Asmo: Nope. That's totally true.

Mammon: Er. People are forgetting that MC is still scary and intimidating.

Asmo: Lucifer is scary and intimidating but almost everyone loves him.

Mammon: Good point.

#obey me #obey me mc #obey me luke #obey me simeon #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me asmo #obey me beel #misunderstood!mc

[the-girl-in-the-high-castle]

A few days ago I finished watching Into the Badlands, a show I wanted to watch at the time it came out, but never did, so:

- Liked it way more than I thought I would.

- In spite of it being 85% made of fighting, bloodshed and violence, it has a damn good story following it all.

- Probably the closest thing to GoT you can get out there.

- Quinn! Damn, it's the character you want to hate so much, but you just can't. He's consistent with everything he does, to the very end, no matter what, and I love him for it. We need more characters like this out there, urgently. And like I've already said before, Marton's performance here absolutely took my breath away.

- I didn't like Lydia at first, she annoyed me, but in the end, she ended up being my second favorite character.

- My tradition of not liking the main character is prominent here because Sunny was one of my least favorite characters, and I didn't like him one bit. He was pretty good at being a hypocrite most of the time.

- I love the fact that they took "the chosen one" trope with MK, chewed on it and mercilessly spat it out.

- I know MK was annoying as fuck toward the end, but somehow his journey made sense and it went well with his struggle and temperament.

- I loved that towards the end, the main character role actually went to the Widow because from moment one, whether it was intentional or not, she sort of carried the story. Somehow, things always started and ended with her. And, she's my absolute favorite character.

- I've seen people complain about the way her story ended, but I actually think it was perfect, because in the end she got to be everything a woman can be. Most writers end up failing at this, they reduce female characters to just one thing. You can either be a woman and a mother, or you can be a warrior and girlboss who needs no one. The Widow ended up being everything a female character can be, a woman, a warrior, a girlboss and a mother. She got to face her own flaws and demons and got to know what it feels like having everything to lose the way people did fighting for her. And I loved that.

- What completely came out of the left field for me was her romance with Gaius thought. His entire character was kinda redundant. I mean, I did like him, but he felt like a plot device through the entire time he was there, a plot device that in the end didn't even serve as that, cause the story would've mostly been the same even if he wasn't there. I appreciate that they tried to paint some backstory with Minerva for them to actually make some sense, but it wasn't that convincing. I actually liked his character more than I liked Sunny, but he deserved more agency and should've been introduced way earlier for it to make any sense and not only serve as the baby daddy.

- I hated that for half of the show's run Sunny was reduced to just one thing, the way writers mostly do to female characters. He was reduced to a father and nothing else, and his entire story, if it wasn't for Bajie would've probably been my favorite thing to skip.

- I loved that Bajie wasn't just a blameless and sinless comic relief and that most of the time he was portrayed as not much of a good guy based on everything he's done. Just human and selfish pretty often.

- I'm sorry, but I fucking hated Veil. She was the most annoying character in the entire show. Followed by Odessa close by.

- Somehow, the only characters that were aware of the world they live in and what it takes to survive, without being merciless butchers, were The Widow and Lydia. That's why they're my favorite characters. They have gone through hell and learned, unlike other characters who seemed too naive most of the time, in spite of living in a literal hell on earth. I can understand that with young characters like MK and Tilda, but others don't really have an excuse for being fucking Starks.

- Which is why I was annoyed as hell with the Tilda turning her back on the Widow for selling Veil out to Quinn. You live in the fucking badlands, you do what you have to do to keep your head on your shoulders, but you have to do even worse things if you are fighting for something better than that. In spite of her action actually making sense based on the world she lives in, we still had the Widow face her own dark side and her own failures and mistakes, which is why she ended up the last one standing. Unlike a lot of other characters.

- Lydia did not have to die. Her death was useless and it kinda only served as a slap in the face of the Widow telling her "you fought and killed and sacrificed everything and everyone for the power you hold, you can't put it on anyone else's shoulders now, you can't run". It also gave Moon another revenge plot he would fail. I know he's supposed to be this badass clipper, but he kind of comically ended up being a walking failure. He failed to stay away from the badlands, he failed to beat Sunny, he failed to get revenge on Sunny, he failed to beat the Widow, he mostly failed as her regent, he failed to get revenge on the witch for Lydia.

- They didn't know they would get canceled, but somehow the second half of the 3rd season felt like they were rushing to wrap up the story and a lot of things felt a bit naive and off.

- Oh, and wtf is with the showrunners being alergic to love and sex scenes? You literally have bloodshed everywhere. You have a man's arms being broken and him being stabbed by the bones of his own arms, but have like two kiss scenes in the entire show. It's actually hilarious.

Probably forgot a lot of things, but all in all, I loved the show, and I didn't expect to love it as much. Would totally recommend.

#into the badlands #into the badlands amc #a review #i will now go back to watching older shows i always wanted to watch but never did #because i hate new shows #the widow killing people with high heels will forever live in my mind rent free #the fights are all so damn cool #of course it's a long post because i just can't shut up

[chaosmultiverse]

📋🌟📋🌟📋🌟📋🌟📋🌟📋🌟 !!!!!!!

send 📋 for me to write about my RP wishlist!

So I haven't talked much about it, but Dahila's powers & magic lean towards water instead of the common fire of demons. It's be fun to come up in a thread with ether her showing these powers off or using 'em to help Miri with something.

I wanna do more threads where Dahila gets to show how her love langue is acts of service and show why that is.

On the darker side I do think it'd be important for them to talk about how likely it is that Dahila either might have to kill one of their shared close friends or might die in the war herself.

I feel like Dread!Oz & Miri would ether get along great or it'd end terribly, either way I'd love to see how it'd go someday.

Anything that's happy, fr so many of our threads for these two are dark or have the undercurrent of darkness (like the prom has the undercurrent of Polly's meta awareness and the mental harm that does her)

My version of Polly comes from a beach town, so it'd be cool for her to show Miri the land side of where she's from and then get to see the sea side she had never gotten to before due to Miri

Someday 'd like to see Polly be perhaps called out for how much she uhh fucks up? There has been a few times now where Miri is freaking out and Polly's reaction has been akin to putting a band-aid on beheading. She needs to be sat down sometime and given like a talk down on what to do in these cases so she can support Miri better.

I just love seeing 'em interact.

But also it'd be great if someday they talked about the definitions of human v monster and why it's like that but also how it is confusing and n both of their cases they're in grey areas (Merfollk not having interacted with humans meaning they lack the same history of other monsters, meanwhile Salil is mixed and has genes of both human and what would be called a monster (though Fae are also in the grey area to a degree since unlike monsters they have their own unshared space to call home)

Miri deserves to bite him (aggressively, unfriendly)

I know you don't use canon much, but I do love the idea of them plotting out a snowball fight war (though I think they both will be needing space heaters)

I live for Vera ending up flustered due to Miri.

As a whole more soft moments between them would be nice, Vera doesn't often allow herself to be soft (though that happens a lot on this blog)

Hope learns more about why Miri reacts the way she does to her

(Baby Doll is an oc basically child-like god of horror media)

Really any interaction but given Baby Doll looks like a doll they might end up a chew toy (not that it hurts at all, their physical body is more out of convince than anything else)

#royalreef #In All My Dreams I See- {Wishlist} #Dahlia Aquino {All Is Fair In War} {Headcanons & Meta} #No Kiss That Can Break The Spell; Dahlia & Miranda {royalreef} #Oz {In The Shadows Of Your Mind} {Headcanons & Meta} #Oz {Are You Scared Of The Dark?} {Dreaded Verse} #Polly {& I’ll Probably Be Leaving So I’m Tellin’ You} {Headcanons & Meta} #I Was Cropping My Shots At The Edge-Water Place; Polly x Miranda {royalreef} #Vera Oberlin {I Feel Like I'm The Worst So I Always Act Like I'm The Best} {Headcanons & Meta} #Tough To Be Tender; Vera & Miranda {royalreef} #Baby Doll {YMMV} {Headcanons & Meta} #Hope {The Goddesses's Heart} {Headcanons & Meta} #long post

[moonybadger]

I don’t know if it’s cause her backstory makes me so uncomfortable, but in that latest episode of Ranking of Kings I was like... guys maybe she really should just not come back to life lmao, Ouken kinda deserved to be saved more 😐

#ranking of kings spoilers #I MEAN I DON'T THINK SHE DESERVED TO BE CHEWED ON BY A DEMON FOR ALL ETERNITY BUT LIKE #maybe she and Bosse should both just stay dead!!! idk!!! #also I have no idea what to make of Daida deciding to marry her #like kid how old are you again? I thought you were like 14 tops #and she seemed to be a full grown woman when you were born #everything about Miranjo kinda sets my teeth on edge so I was hoping she'd bow out gracefully #and yeah Ouken is hardly a daisy fresh innocent but I always got the impression that all the murder he's done #was not something he would choose to do under normal circumstances! Like the dude is mega cursed! #And while there is dark shit in the three brother's backstory overall everyone is treated with much more compassion #then in Miranjo's backstory #like the ogres are big and scary looking but they love and are extra protective of their children #and the brother's soldiers exploit that in order to get the upper hand on the murder king #like it's dark and fucked up and we can discuss the morality of the actions a lot #but both sides are given much more moral complexity and no one comes away clean #it's so much better then Miranjo's backstory where she is horrendously fucked up by a country of evil people who are evil because reasons #the only moment I felt any sympathy for her OR Bosse was when she tried to commit suicide and Bosse barely managed to save her #IDK THIS SHOW HAS MADE WEIRD NARRATIVE CHOICES #bored badgering #ranking of kings #sorry for the massive amount of tags I'm always too chicken shit to put the meat of what I want to talk about in the post itself #and something about how disjointed the tags are make it easier to write

[royal-poetry]

Truth Part 2

Beatrix chuckled as she made her way to Giovana. The fun loving prankster demon had bitten off more than she could chew and accidentally pranked herself. Instead of using a truth serum on the brothers Gio somehow took it instead. Now Trix was part of the crew to keep people away. This was a serious manor, not only did she get a text from Gio asking for help but Barbatos sent them a slightly threatening message.. but hey at least Beatrix was trusted enough by Barb. She found Gio at the castle, naturally as Barbatos had already started to damage control. After getting passed a worried and pushy Diavolo Trix finally was with their other best friend.

"Gio I don't know why this is such a big deal but whatever Barb said to Dia didn't help because that man is acting like you're dying.. This isn't a kill you after its done truth serum is it?" Worry struck the human for a second, nah that wouldn't be right. It's just Diavolo over reacting, but why? He was strange but Trix didn't question it too much, now wasn't the time. "Now I'm here to help with 'making sure nothing gets out' in the cryptic words of our lovely Barb. This has to be something big if they are acting like that. Why is this such a big secret? Like I'm probably here to figure out a way to reverse it which I mean I can and will but I'm gonna need company while I figure out where you got it from and what kind it is and who you got it from, ya know? So I can take this opportunity to ask some things."

"So we all know about your little tea time with Asmodeus, where you talk about our resident couples, but we haven't talked about you. So Gio, who are you crushin' on? There has to be someone you like, its only natural. Please don't say its Diavolo, I will only accept that he is a sugar daddy and you stole that job from Asmo, because he deserves a good sugar daddy who will treat him right." Trix laughed, remembering conversations about sugar daddies once. "Also speaking of tea you should spill some of it and since we are in the castle, got any dirt on Diavolo and Barb? I bet you know some things from living here with them."

Giovanna sat on her bed, anxiously bouncing her leg as she waited for Trix to arrive to help. She was frustrated that she had been so stupid as to follow a truth serum recipe she found without reading the fine print- and now it had backfired onto her. She knew it was bad, but the way Barb and Diavolo reacted only made her feel worse. She just wanted to get the spell out of her system so they would stop pacing outside her room. Gio hated seeing her brother worry so much- but she knew it was reasonable worry this time seeing as if the wrong person asked the wrong questions it could be Very bad for them.

She heard commotion outside her room and stood up, hoping it was the arrival of Trix to save the day. And lucky for her, it was. Sighing in relief, she couldn’t help but chuckle at her friends concern “What? No, I’m not going to die. Don’t be silly, they just worry a lot. Although this IS kind of important. I can’t imagine what would happen if someone asked me the wrong question.” She laughed a little, trying to ease her friends worry. Grabbing Trix’s hand and dragging her to the desk, she cringed at one of the questions. “Well I mean. It IS big. It’s just a big deal because if someone asks the wrong question and I tell them the answer to the question it would be kind of bad if it got out and I’m really fighting the urge to blurt it out because the stupid serum wants me to answer things fully so I’m going to need you to ask another question other than why this is important or anything” Giovanna bit one of her knuckles, forcing herself to be quiet before she spilled too much. Although the second Trix asked her next question she almost wished she COULD just keep talking about the other thing.

“Okay, first of all? Dia? Disgusting, never accuse me of having a crush on him again that’s-“ She quickly grabbed a pillow to mumble something into- saying the truth even if Trix couldn’t hear it. “Moving on though, I’m honestly a little surprised you can’t tell who I have a crush on dear. I feel so obvious it’s a little embarrassing- I feel like one of those silly lovebirds we’ve helped set up. I’m head over heals for Asmo, of course. Now naturally I would never persue him while you two have whatever you have going on. Bestie code. Of course. And I don’t like him in a sim a sugar daddy way! I mean, I genuinely and truly am embarrassingly swooning over him. Isnt that beautiful! I was never planning on telling you that though darling I know you two have a strange little benefits situation like I said. Pretend I didn’t say anything.”

“As for Didi and Barb, of course I have tea on them. We’re all fairly close after all. Like have I told you about Dia’s crush on Luci? Like I know we’ve all joked about it but he’s like a little puppy sometimes. It began as a joke but dear I think he isn’t joking about wanting to worm is way into Luci and Logan’s love life. I’m almost a little embarrassed. That’s actually another reason I don’t want to interrupt you and asmo- Anyways. As far as Barb goes he’s still fairly private, even with me and Di. But I can tell you that he sometimes slips spells into tea. I feel like that isn’t a surprise, but he tries to keep it on the down low. Like he’ll give Luci teas with spells to boost his mood, or help him sleep. Di’s teas sometimes calm his energy, I think I get those ones too. I also get tea that helps with nightmares. I know when Lily was still adjusting he would specially make her iced teas that calmed her nerves. He works very hard on them all.”

#gio #don’t LOOK at it #i’m doing my best

[artificialqueens]

Don't Strauss Too Much (Crygi) - Mumu

A/N: Back on my Crygi clownery! A big thank you to the lovely @sportcox who helped me brainstorm this title <3

Summary: Gigi needs a tutor, and Crystal is happy to help her out.

Gigi Goode is going to throw herself off a cliff.

She’s been staring at her flashcards from yesterday’s music theory lecture for what feels like forever now, and she’s still no closer to memorizing the information she needs to know for her quiz on Friday than when she got here.

She and Nicky are sitting in the corner of their favourite cafe, notebooks and highlighters sprawled out on the table among cups of coffee and various sweet treats. Normally, the cozy atmosphere always puts Gigi into a good mood, but today she’s far too stressed to enjoy the experience. She has a week to memorize a whole chapter’s worth of material. So far she’s wasted most of her time just staring blankly at her notes.

“What kind of demon professor gives a quiz on a Friday, anyway?” She complains.

Besides her, Nicky laughs. “Take a break if you’re so upset about it.”

“That’s not how it works,” Gigi mumbles, even as she closes her folder and takes a sip of her iced coffee. She slumps back into her seat. “Music theory is gonna be the death of me, I swear.”

“I don’t even understand why you’re taking it,” Nicky says, tapping her pen against her teeth distractedly.

“I needed the credit,” Gigi explains in a monotone. “I thought it would be easy, but Professor Visage doesn’t even give us completion credit for homework.”

“Oh, the horror,” Nicky smirks at her. “Imagine, Stanford professors not giving you full credit just because you turned your work in.”

“Shut up,” Gigi pouts. “What am I supposed to do now?”

“Can’t you just drop?” Nicky steals a bite of Gigi’s tiramisu, giggling when the other girl swats her away. “Hey, I’m helping, I deserve some of your cake.”

“I can’t,” Gigi says, rolling her eyes at Nicky’s antics. “Missed the deadline.”

“Just get a tutor then,” Nicky suggests. “Isn’t that Crystal girl you like also taking it? You said she was doing well last time.”

Gigi very nearly chokes on a macaroon.

“How… do you even remember that?” She gets out, coughing.

“As if I could forget. That’s all you talked about the entire two hours we hung out. You were all, ‘Crystal’s so good at theory’ and ‘Visage likes her so much’ and ‘if she weren’t so pretty I could be able to hate her.’” Nicky teases. “Besides, you know I love to play matchmaker.”

“Yeah, well, I hate to break it to you, but that’s not happening. I can’t even talk to her, let alone survive a tutoring session with that girl.” Gigi says.

“Okay, well, it’s not like you have any other options.” Nicky is unimpressed.

“Then I’d better just accept that I’ll bomb this quiz.” Gigi pops another macaroon into her mouth in self-pity.

“No, not on my watch.” Nicky insists. “Just message her, it’s not that hard!”

“Absolutely not,” Gigi says. She reopens her folder, looking glumly down at the index cards tucked into the pocket. “Like I said, I’d rather fail.”

She’s too busy staring down at the material in front of her to notice when Nicky grabs her phone until it’s too late. “Hey!”

Nicky just cackles, angling her body so that Gigi can’t interrupt her typing. “If you don’t have the guts, I’ll do it for you.”

“Nicolette Doll, I’ll kill you,” Gigi says, trying to grab at her phone.

Gigi glares at her friend, calculating about a hundred ways to dispose of her body. She has half a mind to drive her dessert fork into the blonde’s neck in an attempt to stop her from going through with this. Gigi bats at Nicky’s arms, attempting to wrestle the device away from her.

It’s no use. Nicky’s grip is strong, and Gigi watches with growing horror as the blonde types Crystal’s Instagram handle into the explore page. Nicky doesn’t even need to type the full name; Crystal pops up into her recent searches as soon as she inputs the first few letters.

In usual circumstances, Gigi would at least be embarrassed, but right now she’s more horrified at the prospect of messaging Crystal Methyd.

Crystal, the girl who she’s been crushing on since the very first music theory lecture. Crystal, who’s probably the reason she’s barely pulling a big fat D in the class in the first place, since, as it turns out, staring at the pretty Latina sitting in the front row isn’t a very effective learning strategy.

“Nicky,” Gigi says, trying a different approach. “I’ll do the dishes for a week.”

“Too late!” Nicky grins at her, far too proud of herself. She hands the phone back to Gigi. “Your welcome.”

Gigi stares down at her phone screen, blinking dumbly at it.

Hey! This is Gigi from music theory. I needed a tutor and was wondering if you might wanna help?

Gigi’s gaze darts from Nicky to the screen, and then back again.

“I hate you,” She decides, puffing out a breath at the end of the sentence. “Why am I friends with you?”

“You’ll be thanking me soon enough.” Nicky shrugs. “Oh! Look, she’s typing!”

Gigi feels a rush of dizzying panic at Nicky’s narration. She snatches her phone closer to her chest, doing her best impression of a chipmunk with a peanut. A glance down confirms, yes, Crystal really is typing out a response. Now that Crystal’s already seen it, it’s too late to unsend the message. God, she’s probably weirded out by the random request. Why did Gigi think bringing this up with Nicky was a good idea?

“Uh-uh, I don’t trust you anymore,” She scolds, voice only shaking a bit, as Nicky tries to peek over her shoulder. “You can sit there and if you’re lucky I’ll fill you in.”

Nicky huffs, pouting. “Putain.”

Gigi’s about to retort when Crystal’s typing icon disappears, and a message replaces it.

hi gigi :) of course!

Gigi fights the dumb smile that’s threatening to burst across her cheeks, hyper-aware of the fact that Nicky’s watching her intently. She can feel the french girl’s gaze on her, practically burning a hole through her ponytail and skull.

Crystal typed the message in lowercase— Gigi’s not sure why she finds that so endearing, but the detail lodges itself in her brain and Gigi files it under the mental list she’s begun to keep this semester. Little things about Crystal: she likes big earrings, her laugh sounds like liquid sunshine, her hair is a different colour every other week. And now, the newest addition, she types in lowercase.

The smiley face Crystal sent peers up at her.

Her phone pings again. how does tuesday sound? maybe at 3pm?

“Bitch, what’s happening?” Nicky asks, craning her neck in an attempt to catch a glimpse of their exchange.

A flash of annoyance shoots through Gigi. For some reason, she feels very protective of this little exchange. Nicky’s well-meaning, she knows, but she’s not quite ready to share Crystal yet. It feels kind of exciting to know that this… well, whatever this is, is just between the two of them.

“Nothing so far,” She says. Nicky seems to accept the answer, going back to reading a section in her textbook.

Sounds good. We can work in the Lane reading room if that works for you?

The response comes almost immediately. totally, yeah! see you then

Gigi tries not to feel disappointed at the lack of a smiley face this time around. Keyword: she tries to. But it’s hard to read the signs over a couple of text messages, and she re-reads the last text she sent. Did she do something wrong? Was it too formal? What does Gigi respond, now that she isn’t sure if Crystal just texts everyone smiley faces, or if the girl is flirting with her?

Gigi grabs a chocolate chip cookie and takes a bite, stalling. There are two chunks of chocolate in the mouthful. Gigi takes that as a good sign and decides to go for it.

Looking forward to it! See you then <3

She regrets adding on the heart as soon as she presses send, but there’s no way to take the message back now. Gigi settles on stuffing her face with the rest of the cookie in regret.

She waits a few excruciating seconds, but no response comes. Fuck, she shouldn’t have added that heart. Crystal must think she’s totally creepy. Gigi flips her phone facedown on the table and picks up those flashcards again.

Nicky sees her make like she’s going to continue studying and lets out a snort. “Good luck, girl.”

“Nice to know you have faith in me,” Gigi shoots back, chewing at her bottom lip.

Nicky’s right, though. She doesn’t get anything done for the rest of the half-hour they’re there, her mind too full of thoughts about study dates and smiley faces to focus on anything else.

***

“Ugh!” Gigi tosses another dress aside, falling back onto her bed dramatically. “Why is this so hard?”

Nicky looks up from her phone. “You’re the one that’s making it complicated.”

Gigi throws a pillow in her general direction and the blonde shrieks as it hits her. The impact makes her fall out the beanbag she’s currently sitting on with a loud thump.

“Merde, okay, I’ll help!”

“Thanks.” Gigi flashes a cheeky smile at her.

Nicky puts her phone down and contemplates murdering her friend. “What do you have so far?”

“Uh,” Gigi holds up a tweed dress. “This?”

Nicky can’t help it: a snort escapes her. “What are you, Blair Waldorf? That’s way too fancy.”

“Alright then, uh,” Gigi fishes around for a bit, before showing Nicky a floral two-piece. “What about this one?”

“Hell no, a set looks way too put together.” Nicky shakes her head. “You wanna creep her out?”

Ten minutes and half of Gigi’s closet later, they’ve finally settled on a winning combination: a leather jacket and Gigi’s favourite pair of jeans.

Nicky insists that she doesn’t need a bra under her mini cardigan, so Gigi rolls with it.

A little part of her is glad that Nicky’s so passionate about Gigi flashing Crystal her nipples: at least she will have someone to blame when this all ends in a train wreck because she’s coming on way too strong.

Also, the mental image of Crystal getting flustered— well, Gigi would be lying if she said it wasn’t convincing.

Gigi’s alarm goes off and she grabs her phone, groaning at the time. “Shit, I’m gonna have to power-walk there.”

“I’ll see you after then,” Nicky says, winking at her. “Have fun with your little crush!”

As it turns out, Gigi didn’t have anything to worry about, because Crystal is late. Gigi takes a seat by the windows, spreading out her stuff. She tries not to think too much about the girl she’s currently waiting for, occupying herself instead with watching the people outside.

“Hey, sorry I’m late!” A voice says. Gigi turns and comes face to face with Crystal. The girl slides into the seat next to Gigi, her smile a little sheepish. “Art History is on the other side of campus. I guess I didn’t give myself enough time to get here.”

“Oh, uh,” Gigi flounders, not sure where to look. Is it weird to look into Crystal’s eyes? That feels a bit too intimate. She settles for focusing on moving her pencil case from her left to her right. Crystal’s looking expectantly at her, and she swallows hard, trying to clear her mind of Crystal’s tanned skin and cute freckles.

“No worries!” Her voice comes out weirdly high-pitched and she cringes inwardly.

Crystal doesn’t seem to notice her strange behaviour, flashing her another sunny grin. “Okay! Is there a specific section you want help with?”

Right. Tutoring. That’s why Crystal is here. Not so Gigi can stare at her, and certainly not to get to know Gigi or anything like that. Gigi can’t help the pang of disappointment that she gets at the reminder. Part of her forgot this is strictly a school-related thing. Gigi suddenly feels stupid for overthinking her outfit and draws her jacket closer to herself. Hopefully Crystal doesn’t notice how dressed-up she is today, because Gigi doesn’t know if she’ll be able to survive that embarrassment.

“I’ve been having trouble with secondary dominants,” Gigi says, pulling out her workbook.

“Okay, yeah, I can help you with those!” Crystal grabs a pen. She leans over, tracing the chords with it. “Can I write on this?”

“Huh?” Gigi asks stupidly, cheeks warming. Crystal’s shoulder is pressed against hers, and although it’s perfectly innocent, Gigi’s still hyper-aware of the way her skin feels too warm from the contact. She tries to stay perfectly still, not wanting to spook the other girl into moving away from her position. “Oh, uh, go ahead, totally. That’s fine.”

“Right, great, so let’s use this question,” Crystal says, marking something down on the book.

She’s close enough to Gigi now that her perfume envelopes the space around them. She smells like honey and coconut, a warm mixture that Gigi finds comforting. A curl slips over Crystal’s shoulder, and the girl bats it away. Gigi almost melts at how cute the action is.

This week Crystal’s hair is a muted matcha colour, and Gigi thinks that it suits her. It’s the prettiest she’s ever seen Crystal. Then again, she thinks that every time Crystal walks into class with a new colour, so maybe it’s less of a testament to the colour itself and more to how utterly head-over-heels Gigi is.

“The key signature is A Major, and this chord starts on a C. So you can count down a fifth from C, and you get F, which means that the chord is an F Dominant Seventh,” Crystal explains. “Do you know what the next step is?”

“Um,” Gigi says eloquently, brought back from her daydream by the question. How long did she zone out for?

“Sorry,” Crystal says, tapping her pen on the workbook rapidly. “I lost you, didn’t I?”

“No, it’s okay, just,” Gigi chews at her lip nervously, then immediately regrets it because she definitely has lipstick on her teeth now. “Can you go over it again?”

Crystal nods. She takes a sharp inhale like she’s going to say something, but seems to change her mind, instead offering Gigi a reassuring smile. “Of course, yeah.”

Gigi shifts awkwardly in her seat at the action, unsure what Crystal’s thinking. She’s about to ask, or say something when Crystal jumps into the explanation again. Gigi tries her very hardest to pay attention this time, but she still finds herself staring at Crystal’s lips. They’re coated with a glittery red gloss, and they look so shiny and plump that Gigi really, really wants to kiss them.

“Wanna try one on your own now?” Crystal asks.

Gigi blinks. “What?”

Crystal sets her pen down, eyebrows raised. “Did you get any of that?”

“I, uh,” Gigi stammers, trying to find some way to save the situation. Her cheeks warm, and the realization that she’s blushing makes her even more flustered. “Sorry, I’m just really out of it.”

Crystal offers her a sympathetic smile, patting Gigi on the arm comfortingly. “Hey, you’ll be fine, okay?”

“Yeah. Sorry, I’m just worried, I guess.” That’s not it at all, but Crystal doesn’t need to know that.

“I won’t let you fail, promise,” Crystal says with a wink. Gigi can’t help but giggle at the action, and Crystal pokes her playfully. “You got this!”

“Thanks,” Gigi mutters, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth through a soft smile.

There’s a slight pause, both girls regarding each other with a hint of shyness. Gigi swallows thickly, eyes flicking around Crystal’s face. Her breath is coming quicker now, and she feels a bit lightheaded.

Crystal has picked up her pen again, nervously clicking it under the table. The sound is threatening to overpower Gigi’s already scattered thoughts. Gigi’s hand goes to cover hers out of instinct, to stop the rhythmic clicks. The back of Crystal’s hand is soft, and Gigi’s fingers loop lightly around her wrist, feeling the fuzz brush against her fingertips. Crystal stops clicking the pen, but Gigi doesn’t remove her hand.

Crystal takes another sharp inhale in, and Gigi thinks the girl is going to shake her hand loose. Nothing happens, though, and for the second time, Crystal seems to swallow her words.

Gigi’s mouth feels sticky, and she runs her tongue along her teeth in an attempt to get rid of the feeling. Crystal presses her lips together at the sight, and Gigi feels a wave of adrenaline so strong it almost knocks her flat. Every fibre in Gigi’s body wants to crash herself against Crystal. She wants to feel the lip gloss slathered on the other girl’s lips on her own, and to drape her arms over Crystal’s shoulders. Her clammy hands twitch as if they might truly act on the desire without Gigi’s approval, and she balls them into fists to suppress the urge.

“You look pretty today,” Crystal says, more air than sound to her words.

Gigi hums. “So do you. You always do.”

Another few moments of stillness. Gigi finds it surprisingly comfortable, existing in Crystal’s space. She focuses on the rise and fall of Crystal’s chest, subconsciously mirroring the pattern with her own breathing.

Crystal’s the braver of the two.

She makes the first move, flipping over their hands so that hers is on top and using that to tug the redhead closer to her. Gigi slides obediently forward in her seat, her legs slotting around Crystal’s. Crystal walks her fingers up Gigi’s arm, raising goosebumps as she gets higher and higher. A chill runs through Gigi’s body, and she regrets not wearing a bra for the second time today. She shifts, straightening her spine, and immediately has to bite back a whimper when she feels her nipples brushing against the knit of her cardigan. By the smirk on Crystal’s face, the moment hasn’t gone unnoticed. There’s a challenge in her eyes, and Gigi feels her throat close when Crystal’s hand brushes her cheek.

Fucking tease, Gigi wants to say, or maybe scream. Hurry up and kiss me.

But Gigi doesn’t, she just sits there and tracks Crystal’s movements with her eyes, and shivers when Crystal tucks a fallen strand of hair behind her ear, agonizingly slow.

“Do you want me to kiss you?” Crystal asks, tilting her head in faux innocence.

Gigi bristles and feels her hands jerk impatiently in her lap. “Yes, fuck.”

But Crystal doesn’t let her get it that easily. She shakes her head, curls bouncing gently around her face. “No, say it.”

Gigi splutters something in between a curse and a laugh. The absolute nerve of this bitch. She doesn’t bother saying it again, just rolls her eyes lightly and leans in. Her patience has worn thin, and Crystal’s lips are too inviting to not feel them on hers right this moment.

Crystal ducks away and Gigi is left hanging there for a second, confused, before she opens her eyes with an annoyed huff. “You-”

“Say it,” Crystal repeats. The corners of her lips turn up slightly like she’s fighting a smile. Her hand goes to cup Gigi��s chin. “Wanna hear you say it, Geeg.”

Gigi literally feels her vision cloud over for a split second at the nickname.

Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but her blood is buzzing in her body and she swears everything has gone a bit fuzzy around the edges. In any normal circumstance, Gigi would probably be over this little game of cat and mouse. She could just kiss someone else. But this is Crystal Methyd in front of her, and that’s enough to make her decide to shelve her pride for now.

She wets her lips and whispers what Crystal wants to hear. “I want you to kiss me.”

Crystal narrows her eyes at Gigi, and for one terrible moment, Gigi thinks Crystal is going to find another excuse to deny her, that she’s going to pull away and tell her that this has all been some kind of cruel power play. But then Crystal’s closing the remaining distance between them, and Gigi takes a sharp shock of air in and has to blow the breath out in one great big rush because Crystal is finally, finally kissing her. It’s tender and soft, a bit more elementary school than anything, and it’s perfect.

Crystal pulls away before Gigi can slide even closer, and she whines unashamedly, shuddering out a shaky breath. Crystal’s hand brushes against Gigi’s chest as she lets it fall, and Gigi’s breath catches. This girl is going to be the death of her.

“Been waiting to do that for a while,” Gigi admits, still a bit breathless.

“I know,” Crystal says. There’s a pretty blush adorning the highs of her cheeks, still visible when she continues. “I was wondering when you’d work up the nerve to talk to me. You stare at me every class.”

“Bitch! I wasn’t that obvious,” Gigi defends.

Crystal just blinks at her. “No, you were obvious as fuck.”

“Oh.” Gigi feels heat blooming on her cheeks.

“Aren’t you gonna ask me how I know that?” Crystal prompts. Gigi still looks a little confused, so she continues. “I only noticed because I was watching you, too.”

“You liked me and didn’t make a move?” Gigi exclaims, hitting Crystal on the arm playfully.

“It was more fun to watch you struggle,” Crystal says, waggling her eyebrows.

“You suck.”

“If I kiss you again will you forgive me?” Crystal pulls an exaggerated sad face, clasping her hands together.

Gigi just snorts and closes the distance. Their lips mesh together softly, just as dizzying as the first kiss, and when she pulls away Gigi can still feel Crystal’s gloss on her lips. She smacks them together, trying to blend her own lipstick with the bright red goop.

“So. Do you think you can try a problem now, Miss Goode?” Crystal grins mischievously at Gigi.

“I don’t know, you’re quite distracting,” Gigi counters, a smile pulling at her lips.

Crystal just hums, pointing at a row of questions. “If you get three of those right in a row, I’ll kiss you some more.”

“On my own?” Gigi really would rather go on kissing Crystal.

“C’mon, it’ll be fun, we can make it a game!” Crystal sounds hopeful enough that Gigi finds herself wanting to keep her happy. “Please?”

“What, now you’re the one begging?” Gigi teases.

She picks up her pencil, getting to work. Something about this new studying strategy is more effective than anything she’s tried before, and before long, thanks to Crystal’s teaching (and the kisses peppered between each problem set,) Secondary Dominants make perfect sense.

Come test day, Gigi sits right next to Crystal, in the front row, and makes a respectable 82.

If Professor Visage notices the hand-holding and stolen glances they exchange in the following lectures, she doesn’t mention it. The professor just seems grateful that Gigi’s finally absorbing the content for once. And as for the extent of her knowledge of why Gigi is suddenly so motivated to come into her class every day, well, Visage’s knowing smile says it all.

#rpdr fanfiction #gigi goode #crystal methyd #crygi #nicky doll #lesbian au #college au #fluff #mumu #concrit welcome #s12

[amazingdriverfics]

All the good girls go to hell

Hey guys, I want to welcome all my new followers and thank all of you - new and old- for reading my work, it means the world to me! I hope you all like my next works! 

Thank you very very much

Word Count: 1.5k 

Warnings: God is a woman and so is the Devil, Clyde is an angel and the reader wants him for herself, reader is the Devil.

Pairing: Angel!Clyde x Devil!Reader

Summary: what happens when Goddess needs the Devil’s help to bring balance to humans and the Devil wants an angel in return? 

My masterlist   Song link

Clyde was terrified, it was his first time in hell ever since Her brought him to life. He wasn’t sure what to expect, he knew hell only from human illustrations and some informations She had gave him. 

As he descended slowly, his wings were in a protective position, even though there was no one in the elevator with him. It was unusual for anyone to go down from heaven, but the Goddess asked him to talk to Devil in person and he could never tell Her ‘no’, even though he wasn’t exactly thrilled, it was for a greater purpose. 

The temperature was rising and Clyde would have sweat if angels were capable of doing that, heaven was always in the most perfect weather and it wasn’t hell’s case. Abruptly, the door opened revealing a burning world and a dark throne in the end of a long black hall with a red path leading to it. Sat on the throne was y/n also known as lucifer, satan or devil. Her red horns were adorning her beautiful h/c hair and she was wearing a long sleeved dress which ended on the floor as she held her tail was on her hand, her eyes never leaving the angel’s figure as he gave insecure steps towards her direction. 

“Hurry up, boy. I’m not going to bite you, unless you ask me to” her soft yet malicious voice echoed through the room making Clyde shiver afraid and walk faster afraid of the consequences if he stood still. In no time he was right in front of the Devil herself, eyes glued to his feet and anxiety burning on his insides as the angel tried to calm himself down remembering he had an important task to fulfill. “Hm, hello miss Lucifer, Goddess sent me here to a-ask for help” he whispered, his tone showing his insecurity. 

“Ah yes, I’m aware. The human world lost his balance and I’m afraid that Goddess needs my help to bring it back, she needs me to punish those who deserve, she needs my demons to collect their souls, isn’t it, Clyde?” her voice dripping with desire as his birth name left her lips making his body shake. “Y-yes, Satan”. 

The sound of his deep voice made her laugh. “You don’t have to be scared, my boy, you can look at me, I’m more interesting than you own feet”. Attending to her command Clyde shoot his head up, gaze on y/n as he swallowed dry. “Good boy. Look at you needing me to save mankind. I don’t know why we try anymore, me and your boss, men are fools” the Devil stated looking directly into his eyes to see what reaction her words would get. “I-its because they need u-us” he replied chewing his bottom lip after finishing the sentence not daring to look away. For the first time in ages, Clyde was tempted and, this time, by Satan herself. 

“It is true, they need us, they even need me. She needs me too and that means you need me too, doesn’t it angel?” she got up from her throne, feet touching the red floor as she graciously closed the distance between their bodies. Clyde was unable to respond, his own body not obeying his wishes as it stood still paralyzed by how close she got. “Answer me” she purred right in front of his face and even though her original figure was smaller than his, her presence and confidence made the angel feel small. “Yes, ma’am”. 

“I love it when you behave” she said running her hand through his luscious soft black locks, his innocence amusing her. She didn’t have too much contact with innocent souls and the soft big angel standing in front of the her might just be the most innocent she ever met. “Tell Her I’m in, but, as usual, I have a demand” the Devil said making her way back to the throne resuming the powerful position she had been. Before he could say anything she started to talk again cutting him off. “You see, Clyde, I love loyalty, innocence. I’m intrigued by it, we don’t see it everyday here in hell and you, you are the personification of those traits. To help Her bring balance to the human world I request you. You shall come here and be among us underworld creatures when requested. I’ll take good care of you and you’ll be able to visit heaven as much as you want as long as you are back here when needed, when I need you. It’s an honor to be needed by me, I don’t need anyone and I am open to need you”. 

Clyde considered praying for help, but he knew it would only make him sound pathetic, Goddess couldn’t feel him at hell. The angel had never been so tempted, he couldn’t deny that her demands and praises were doing things to him, things he shouldn’t be feeling, even though he wanted to believe it was the dark atmosphere the cause of his sensations, he knew better, she was the reason. Clyde also knew how important it was to bring balance to the human world and he would never fail Goddess, he loved Her too much for it, he knew that one way or another he would have to give in, he would fall into the Devil’s grip. The worst part is that the thought wasn’t something he despised. Finding words to answer was another struggle, he had to try to negotiate at least. 

“But, Satan, I don’t thi- hm, I don't’ think that’s appropriate” Clyde looked directly into her eyes trying to sound calm and confident as his posture and twitching eye didn’t contribute to the facade. She could see right through it, she could sense his struggle to resist her temptations and at the same time how he couldn’t let Her down. “Relax, angel, let go of your fear, we won’t do anything you don’t want to and I’m sure She will understand. After all, it is for a good purpose. Now hush, get back up there and think about it”. 

Clyde had been attending to y/n’s wishes for a month, most of the time he was in heaven helping Her to restore balance to the human world as Satan did her share of the work, both making sure that good and evil were well balanced. He was still unsure of the reason why the Devil summoned him, they spent all the time just talking to each other, most of this time, the angel was embarrassed and tempted as she flirted shamelessly with him. Even though romance wasn’t forbidden, he doubted She would be happy if he fell for Satan, so he was doing his absolute best not to, but there was only so much he could do, Clyde’s biggest quality and problem was that he always saw the absolute best within anyone and that applied to y/n as well. 

It was the first time in a week that Clyde had been summoned to the underworld, feet against the hot red floor as he walked to her throne. This time, however, y/n wasn’t in her confident and powerful posture, she was with her head on her hand and an unamusement was clear in her face. 

As the angel got closer he could see some tears staining her beautiful face, a sight he never thought that could be seen, before he could stop himself the words left his mouth, worry clear in his tone. “What happened?”. y/n looked up acknowledging his presence, she hadn’t felt him coming overwhelmed by her feelings. “Come closer, Clyde” she asked, tone not as demanding as it normally was, showing vulnerability. The angel couldn’t deny her request moved by her state.

As he got closer she got out of her throne hugging him and burying her face on his chest, horns making him tickly as her hands pet his soft plummy wings. “I’m so lonely, angel”. The confession made him confused, as the Devil herself had told him, he never imagined that she needed anything. He was also paralyzed from her touch, the feeling of her body against him setting his on fire, if he was human he would probably blush, that moment he realized that no matter how hard he tried to deny it, the angel had fallen for Satan. 

Without thinking Clyde put his hands around her waist, bringing her closer and feeling her tears spilling in his chest, feeling her body tremble as she sobbed against his hold. They stayed that way until her tears stopped, when she looked directly into his brown eyes, right hand leaving his wings and pressing on his neck. Slowly, she got closer, her breath against his lips as her eyes studied his reactions not wanting to push him into the kiss. Much to her surprise, Clyde lowered his head pressing his lips against hers. For a moment, as she felt peace kissing the angel she had been falling for, the sound of fire burning stopped as the Devil was at ease. 

#adam driver #clyde logan x reader #clyde logan #clyde logan x you #clyde logan/reader #clyde logan/you #logan lucky #song fic #all the good girls go to hell #reader is the devil #clyde logan fluff

[wildflowerswildhorses]

We Make The Rules

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy  Characters: Jo Wilson, Alex Karev, Meredith Grey  Pairings: Jolex, Merjo and Merlex friendship  Summary: All that mattered was that they loved each other and they would do anything for the other.They made the rules in their life. Not anyone else. * Can also be read on a03 and ffn

“Has Alex said anything to you?” 

Meredith glanced up from her table to glance at Jo. She knew, technically, that it could have been slightly overbearing going to Meredith; but she was tired of Alex being weird. It seemed like no matter what she did; Alex refused to open up to her about whatever he was dealing with. 

Really all she wanted to know was if her husband was okay. And if the only thing she could do to  figure that out was go to his person, then that’s what she was going to do. 

Meredith sighed. “He hasn’t said anything to me, either. Which, mind you, is totally not like him.” 

Jo slumped against the nurse’s station and stuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Well that wasn’t helpful.

Meredith placed the tablet on the nurse’s station and turned to face her. “Okay, what’s going on in your head?”

Jo just raised an eyebrow as she glanced at Meredith. 

“And don’t try to say nothing. What’s running through your head, right now.” Meredith said, gently as if she didn’t want to run Jo off. Which truthfully might have happened if Jo had been the same person she was a few months ago. 

“I’m scared,” Jo admitted, her voice nothing more than a whisper. She felt a weight leave her shoulders saying that out loud. 

Meredith didn’t respond, just stood there, allowing Jo the space and time to continue if she wanted to. 

Jo took a deep breath to steel herself. Before she knew it, she was opening up to Meredith about the patient she just had. She opened up about all her feelings and fears and everything in between. 

“It’s stupid, though,” she added at the end, trying and failing to brush it off. Something she was always used to doing with Paul, who always made her feel like her emotions, feelings and fears never mattered. 

Meredith shook her head. “No it’s not. It’s completely valid.” Meredith placed her hands and either of Jo’s shoulders. “Your feelings are valid. Never forget that.” 

“And if you want,” Meredith added, stepping away. “I can kick his ass.” 

“No, you don't’ have to,” Jo laughed, but she thought for a moment. “Unless you absolutely want to, then I won’t stop you.”

///////////

“Talk to your wife!” Meredith yelled through the phone as soon as Alex picked it up. He was definitely taken aback because he sure wasn’t expecting that. 

Alex blinked and then remembered that Meredith couldn’t see him. “What?” he said instead. 

“You’re being weird and Jo is realizing it,” Meredith responded. “She thinks something’s up. And she’s scared, Alex. So get your head out of your ass and talk to your wife about whatever is going on with you.”

Alex felt like he was punched in the gut as he finished the call with Meredith. He had been avoiding talking about what Izzie told him, instead choosing to push it away so he could focus on Pac North and his other side project he’d been working on.

At least for the time being, anyway. 

Alex knew he had to think about it eventually, he had to talk about it eventually. But he was so gobsmacked about finding out he had kids; he didn’t even know how to form actual sentences about it. Let alone allow himself to think about it. 

Besides that, he had so much to do at the hospital, he was actively turning it around and he felt good about it. Alex Karev, former demon spawn, was actually making a damn difference. 

It felt great. 

Alex hadn’t even realized that of course Jo would have picked up on something. She wasn’t blind after all. 

Shit…

He was now realizing his actions were similar to her depressive episode and he was mentally kicking himself. He was a fucking ass. 

Alex really needed to talk to her, and soon. 

///////

Jo sat at the kitchen island with a glass of wine, wondering if she was going to see Alex at a decent time tonight. She was also wondering if he was even going to come home while she was awake. Within the past few weeks, he’d been coming home after she’d already gone to bed and had left before she woke. 

Her own thoughts were answered by the loft door sliding open. She turned her head to see Alex stepping through the doorway. He was definitely struggling with the amount of things he was carrying, or more so, trying to. 

Jo took pity on him. She sat her glass down and walked over to help him with the door. He mumbled a thanks as he made his way over to the couch, dropping some of the bags on the cushion before making his way to the kitchen. 

“Alex, what the hell is going on?” 

Alex had a sheepish grin on his face as he sat more bags on the counter, which Jo finally realized were filled with take out containers. 

“I got Thai food on my way home,” he said, gesturing to the containers he was placing on the counter. “And I got your favorite wine, along with some other stuff,” he pointed at the bags on the couch. “I know this doesn’t even begin to make up for the complete ass I’ve been lately; but hopefully it’s a start.” 

Jo crossed her arms over her chest as she walked towards the kitchen. “We still need to talk.” 

“And we will...we are...over dinner.” 

Jo relented, closing the rest of the distance. She helped Alex dish out the take out onto plates from the cabinet. Once the two of them were seated at the table and Jo had grabbed her wine glass, Jo steeled herself for whatever was coming. 

Though in retrospective, she felt like if Alex was leaving her, he wouldn’t pull out all the stops to do so. There wouldn’t be a need to put on a show, or go through the motions of a dinner from her favorite Thai place. 

“Alex ---” 

“Jo --.”

They both share an awkward chuckle and Jo hated it. Things had never been this awkward between them, unless you counted that period of time in her depressive state. Jo motioned for Alex to go ahead. 

“I don’t know how to say this. Hell, I’m having a damn hard time wrapping my own head around it,” Alex said. 

Jo took a bite from her food as she stared at Alex, wondering where he was going with this. 

“Ihavekids!” he blurted out. 

Jo stopped mid chew, shocked at the words she thought she heard. Because there was no way that Alex had actually said that he had kids. 

“I have kids,” Alex repeated, slower this time, running a hand over his face. “Twins, actually.” 

Jo finished chewing and swallowed, her eyes widening. “Yeah, that’s a lot to take in and it explains why you’ve been weird lately.” 

Alex stopped with his glass halfway to his mouth. “I’ve been a complete jackass to you, you can admit it. Mer all but said it anyway...I just.” he took a sip. “I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how to get my head on straight about it. And I didn’t even know who to talk to about it while I sorted everything before I came to you.” 

“You could have just come to me,” Jo said, softly. “You know at first I thought this was just payback for what I did to you.” 

“I would never throw that back in your face,” Alex said immediately.

“I know.” 

They lapsed into a silence, the only sound in the space their forks gliding across their plates. Jo was giving Alex the opportunity to go at his own pace, like he once allowed her. 

“I reached out to Izzie when I reached out to everyone else about Mer’s case,” Alex continued, setting down his fork. “That’s all it was supposed to be, but then I heard kids in the background and damn it if I didn’t ask.” 

“She used the embryos; which was in her right, I said she could do whatever she wanted with them once we got divorced...twins though, Eli and Alexis; they’re five. They live on a fricking farm in Kansas and Izzie’s an surgical oncologist out there and she’s married to a fricking farmer. Apparently they’ve been together the past two years.” 

Jo let out a breath, the married part lifting a weight she didn’t realize had settled on her shoulders. Though just a little, there was still the demon in the back of her mind, whispering, taunting her that Alex could still leave. 

“Do...do you,” Jo tilted her head. “You are going to meet them, right?”

“I don’t know Jo,” he admitted, leaning back against his chair. “I mean, yeah I’m their biological father; but they have a dad. But they’re still my kids.” 

“Even though they have a dad; they deserve to at least know their biological father. They don’t deserve to grow up wondering who he is or making up stories in their heads of the man he was.” 

“I have some personal time saved up...I guess I can take some days and fly out there, leave Pac North in Webber’s hands. He shouldn’t screw it up too bad.” Alex reached across the table then and grasped her hand. He looked directly in her eyes as he spoke. “This doesn’t mean anything. I’m not going to leave you, I’m never going to leave you. I’m a better man with you. I’m with you. You’re the love of my life and the only thing in my life that’s ever made any sense. All I want in life is to be your husband and the father of your kids.” 

Jo used her free hand to swipe away the tears that had escaped her eyes. She just nodded, not trusting herself to speak without her voice cracking. 

“Which brings me to my next point…” 

Jo blinked away the tears. “There’s more?”

“I want to start a life, a family with you, eventually if that’s what you want. I know we haven’t really talked about it too much; but I want that to be a part of the future for us. So, I may have also been looking into the house market….I know it’s even more to take in and you don’t have to agree to anything now but --”

Jo cut him off. “No, Alex. I’ll-- We’ll look into the listings.” 

Alex lit up. “Really?”

“Well if we’re going to eventually start a family together, we should probably have a bigger space,” Jo glanced around at the loft and smiled. “Yeah, this place was our home for a while and it’s been fricking great; but with kids, I’d want a yard so that they could run and play and maybe a porch swing.” 

“We can have whatever you want.” 

Jo reached for her fork to scoop up another bite. “You really have been busy.” 

Alex just shrugged. “I had some free time.” 

“With running an entire hospital? Really?”

“Multitasking.” 

Jo snorted. “Yeah, I’m sure.” 

They lapsed into easy going conversation for the rest of their meal. Alex informing her about all the changes he was hoping to do at Pac North, how he was loving having this change to really put the hospital on the map, to actually make a difference. Jo shared some of her latest ridiculous patients, especially the bachelor party guy. 

“Wait, they literally swallowed fish?” Alex said on a scoff when they were cleaning and putting away the dishes. 

Jo nodded. “Yup.” 

Alex just shook his head as he closed the cabinet door. He shuffled over to his bag to grab his tablet, while Jo grabbed the bottle of wine and two glasses. “About those houses though.”

Alex held up the tablet and motioned towards the couch. “Right here.” 

It was nice, sitting on their couch, drinking wine, looking at houses, actively planning their future. Despite all the anxiety and nerves she’d been under for the past few weeks, the distrust she was feeling, she couldn’t help but smile. 

Alex really was the one, had been the only one to truly see her. It didn’t matter what life threw at them, what tried to force them apart, if they didn’t make sense, nothing mattered. All that mattered was that they loved each other and they would do anything for the other. 

They made the rules in their life. Not anyone else. 

“Let’s make a promise,” she said and Alex glanced at her.

“What?”

“That from this moment on, we’ll always communicate to each other. No more dodging, no more slinking away into our heads or our own little bubbles. We won’t hide from each other, we’ll just talk. Even if at first it’s just a ‘hey, i’m going through something right now, but I need time to process - just wanted to let you know’ or something similar. So that we don’t freak out.” 

Alex nodded. “It’s a pact, right here, right now.” He held up a fist with his pinkie raised. 

Jo raised an eyebrow. “A pinkie promise, what are you, five?”

“A pinkie promise is very serious,” Alex defended with a shrug. 

Jo just smiled and hooked her own pinkie finger to his. “You’re ridiculous, you know, but I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

#grey's anatomy #jolex #jo wilson #alex karev #otp: it'll be just us #mywriting #i did a thing and wrote another post 16x16 fic #writing is how i cope with the bullshit that krista and co gave us

[deanwinchestermydaddy]

TO SEE YOU AGAIN (DEAN WINCHESTER STORY) PART. 20

Y/n's POV:

These past four months have been the hardest for me and Sam. I try to help him but he blamed himself and I did the same with myself. Sam would disappear for days then come back. I couldn't sleep because when I closed my eyes I was able to see or more imagined what Dean was going through and I felt the same pain, how I felt my body being torn apart then put back together. The first time that I had those nightmares I had Sam to comfort me but it wasn't the same he wasn't Dean.

As the time went by I would disappear for weeks saying that I was going to the bar and on hunts to think and free my mind, but I wasn't. I drove to a different crossroads in town then out of town to make a deal, but none of the demons want to make a deal with me to bring Dean back. It was driving me crazy.

"you know Dean wouldn't like you to make a deal Y/n? He made me promise that I was going to protect you and stopped you from doing that" he said as he sat down in front of me, "yeah Sam I know" I said lying to him, "I will go to take a nap then I will bring us food is that alright?" I said and he nodded and gave me a small smile that I returned. I went to my room and did something that I haven't done in years I prayed. I got on my knees and cross myself, "look, I know that I am not one of your favorites. I don't even know if you are real or not, but once again I just want to ask you for a miracle to bring Dean back, he deserves something better than what he has got. So, God, I ask you for a miracle to bring Dean back safe, that's all I ask for. Please and Thank you" I said and got up and grabbed the keys of my car to go to town, "hey Y/n I thought you said you were gonna take a nap?" Sam said as he saw me, "Not anymore Sam. You want the usual?" I asked and he nodded, "be careful alright," he said giving me another smile, "will do Sam," I said before I walked out.

~IN TOWN~

I was walking around not really looking, having other thoughts on my mind which were really only about Dean. I bump or more like slammed into someone and I fall on my butt, "I'm so sorry Miss" the guy said as he turns around to help me up, "no, it was my fault.  So I am sorry for slamming into you Mister" I said as I look up and saw that he was wearing a black dress shirt, "Don't call me Mister you make me feel old" he said as he looked down and smile at me and I smile at him back, "thank you... uh I guess young fella for picking me up even when it was my fault" I said and he laughs at what I said and I saw those big blue eyes that twinkle, "no problem, young gal and have a good night" he said as he started to walk away and I just stood there looking at him walk away, "good night to you too!" I said loud and he turns and waves, "may God bless you," he said and it made me froze, then I continue to go and get the food for me and Sam. After that day I left for Iowa to try again to make a deal.

Dean's POV:

"Help! Help! Help!" I said as I was pounding on the wood that was above my head as dirt falls on my face and I continue to pound.

I was in the middle of a grassy field, a simple wooden cross is planted as I crawl my way out of the ground, groaning and gasping. I lie on my back, panting. I stand looks around in the glaring sunlight.

I walked until I saw an abandoned Gas Station and I entered, "Hello?" I say but no one answers, so I enter and took some water to drink I was really thirsty. I started to get more water to take and I see a Newspaper and it says that is Thursday, September 18th. I cleaned myself and started to look on my body and see that nothing that happened to me in Hell is there no scars, well just a hand-print on my left shoulder.

I go to the counter, set down the bag, and hit a single button on the register, snapping my fingers in satisfaction when it pops open. As I'm looting the cash, the TV to my left flicks on, showing only static. I shut it off; only to have a radio to my right turn on to white noise. Not wasting a moment, I go to another shelf and grabs a carton of salt, opens it, and begin to pour it along the windowsill.A high-pitched single tone begins, and I clutch my left ear in pain as I continue to pour salt with my right hand. As it continues, I drop the salt and crouch to the floor, groaning in agony. The window above my head shatters as the sound continues, and I drop to the floor. I leap to my feet to try to escape, and more glass on the ceiling and walls shatters. I went to a phone booth that was there and dial Sam's and Y/n's number but they don't answer, so I try another number. This time it rings and is answered."Yeah?" he said and I was happy to hear his voice, "Bobby?" I said looking around, "Yeah?", "It's me," I say and still sounds that he doesn't recognize me, "Who's "me"?" he says confirming what I thought, "Dean," I said and a dial tone sounds, so I hang up and dial again. "Who is this?" he said again, "Bobby, listen to me" I try to stop him from hanging up, "This ain't funny. Call again, I'll kill ya" he said and the dial tone again. ~AT BOBBY'S~

I pound on the door, and Bobby's hand appears to open it. I smile cautiously, but Bobby looks at me suspiciously. "Surprise," I said, "I, I don't..." Bobby says, "Yeah, me neither. But here I am" I said entering. As I approach him he lunges forward and slashes me, so I grabbed his arm and twist it around, he breaks the grip and backhands me in the face. "Bobby! It's me!" I said but still, he doesn't believe me, "My ass!" he said and I put a chair between the both of us, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! Your name is Robert Steven Singer. You became a hunter after you met Rodney, and later met your wife and... you're about the closest thing I have to a father. Bobby. It's me" I said raising my hands and he lowers his knife and places his hand on my shoulder, suddenly he slashes again, but I quickly subdue and disarm him. "I am not a shapeshifter!" I said but he can't hear me or something, "Then you're a Revenant!" he said and I shove him away and hold the knife, "Alright. If I was either, could I do this – with a silver knife?" I said rolling my sleeve and slicing my arm, "Dean?" he said starting t believe me, "That's what I've been trying to tell you" I said and he grabs me and pulls me into a tight hug and I return it.

"It's... It's good to see you, boy" he says and I felt relief, "Yeah, you too," I said smiling at him, "But... how did you bust out?" he said and I really had no idea, "I don't know. I just, uh, I just woke up in a pine box..." I didn't finish cause Bobby splashes water on my face, "I'm not a demon either, you know" I said spitting the water, "Sorry. Can't be too careful" he said giving me a towel that I use to wipe my face, "What do you remember?" he asked, "Not much. I remember I was a Hellhound's chew toy, and then... lights out. Then I come to six feet under, that was it. Sam's and Y/n's number are not working. They're, uh... they're not..." I said imagining the worst, "Oh, he's alive. And as far as I know, she is too" he said sitting down, "Good... Wait, what do you mean, as far as you know?" I asked him what he means, "I haven't talked to her for months. Sam calls some days to check-in" he said, "You're kidding, you just let her go off by herself?" I said getting angrier, "She was dead set on it and Sam was with her for a while," he said, "Bobby, you should've been looking after both Sam and her, you saw how she reacted!" I said raising my voice, "I tried. These last months haven't been exactly easy, you know. For them or me. We had to bury you" he said trying to make understand, "Why did you bury me, anyway?" I said curiously, "I wanted you salted and burned. Usual drill. But... they wouldn't have it" he said suspiciously, "Well, I'm glad they won that one," I said, "she said you'd need a body when she got you back home somehow. That's all she said while Sam just didn't want to listen. Both insisted that she was acting differently" he explained, " What do you mean?" I asked him to elaborate," she was quiet. Real Quiet. And then she just took off. Wouldn't return my calls. I tried to find her, but she didn't want to be found by me. And Sam said that sometimes she will show up stay for a day then leave for weeks" he said and I got mad, "Oh, damnit, Y/n" I said hitting the table, "What?" he said not understanding my actions, "Oh, she got me home okay. But whatever she did, it is bad mojo" I said shaking my head, "What makes you so sure?" he looked at me with concern, "You should have seen the gravesite. It was like a nuke went off. And then there was this... this force, this presence, I don't know, but it, it blew past me at a fill-up joint. And then this" I said and show him the handprint, "What in the hell?" he said as he stands up, "It was like a demon just yanked me out. Or rode me out" I said having my mind going wild, "But why?" he asked, "To hold up their end of the bargain," I said and I saw the worried on his face, "You think Y/n made a deal," he said as the concern grew on his face, "It's what I would have done," I said and I didn't know what to think.

Me and Bobby left to Kansas where Sam was and to see if he knew anything about Y/n.

Y/n's POV:

It's been a couple of days since I left for Iowa and I have tried at least 5 times to get a deal, but all of the demons don't accept my soul at all.

~At night~

Today it is my last hope to see if I can get a deal so I can bring Dean back, I did the whole ritual and waited for a demon to show up, I was losing my hope when I felt someone behind me and I turn to see him.

" Hello darling, you come to daddy," he said and I just looked at him and recognize him, "Crowley?" I said and he smiled at me, "so my demons said that my special one was trying to make a deal" he said and I rolled my eyes at him, "I'm not your special one Crowley. You should know that I don't like you" I said crossing my arms, "C' mon darling you do like me admit it" he said and I just looked at him, "yeah maybe the size of a mustard seed. But why the King of Hell is here instead of your minions, huh" I said and he raised his eyebrows, "well Darling you see, your soul has something special that I would like to have and I wasn't going let them have it, so I told them to not made any deals with you until I was able to come to make it" he said, "can you bring him back?" I asked him and he gave me a bitch face, "of course Darling, but in exchange for something" he said looking at me up and down, "what do you want in exchange for bringing him back?" I said as he started to walk around me, "you see as the King of Hell I need to have a Queen, and who would it be the best Queen that one of the most feared female hunters, that has a special soul like yours" he said licking his lips and I really wanted to puke, "Dean gets back and I have to go with you to Hell, for how long?" I asked accepting what I had to do, "well that's the thing. Is for eternity" he said and I gulped and looked down, "okay Crowley, where do I sign" I said and he looked surprised, "I thought I had to try to convince you more Darling, but I guess I was wrong" he said and I just wanted to finish this, "cut the shit Crowley and let's do this" I said and he took a step forward, "you have to kiss me Darling to seal the deal and your Ken doll would be back just like we said" he said and I took a deep breath and when I was about to step forward to kiss him my phone started to ring and I knew it was Sam for his ringtone, I stopped Crowley. "I have to answer this first," I said and took a step back.

"yes Sam," I said and Crowley looked at me, "he's alive Y/n!, alive!" he said and I couldn't understand what he mends, "what? who is alive?" I said and Crowley raised his eyebrows and looked away from me, "Dean, he just arrived with Bobby at the Bunker. He-he-he is truly him Y/n" he said and I felt that all the blood was drained from my body, "Sa-Sam don't play with me please" I begged him as tears started to blurry my vision, "sweetheart is me is really me please come back I missed you" I heard that voice that I've been missing for months and I dropped my phone to the ground as tears ran down my face. I pick it up and walked towards my car, "what about the deal?!" Crowley screams at me, "forget it you lied to me!" I said as I drove off.

Dean's POV:

It's been about 7 hours since we talked to Y/n and I just wanted to hold her and tell her that everything will be okay, and that I was never going to leave here ever again.

The 3 of us were at the kitchen, but soon it was just me cause the 2 of them left.

I wasn't gonna go and wait there so I decided to go to our room and sat down on the bed waiting, but I couldn't help to wonder all the bad things that can happen to her, to me, to us. I couldn't help but cry and wipe my tears as more started to run. I listen to footsteps it seemed that someone was running but I didn't bother to look at the person that enter my room, "Dean?" I heard a broken voice said and I felt my heart pump faster and I turn to see her. I stand up and run to her and picked her up on my arms as she wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist, "thank God you are here" she said as she held me closer and I did the same. I kissed her slowly showing her all the love and how much I missed her.

I felt that I was complete again I put her down and grabbed her face and kissed her again and again, " I love you, Dean, you don't know how hard it was" she said as tears started to ran down her eyes and I wiped them with my thumb, "please baby tell me that you didn't make a deal please" I said and she looked down and took a deep breath, "I tried so many times, but none wanted to accept, well until tonight. But I said no cause Sam called" she said as she tries to smile at me with her teary eyes. I stopped holding my breath as I hear her said that I was really glad that she didn't and that we didn't have to be concern about how much time did we had left together. I kissed her again, "we need both of you at the library," Sam said making both of us break the kiss.

When we were walking towards the library Y/n was holding me close, just like the day that she almost lost Scott, I looked down and kissed her head and smile at her just like she did. We soon arrived and we saw someone standing in the middle with a trenchcoat, "who are you?" I asked, " Castiel" the guy answer and I moved Y/n behind me, "Yeah, I figured that much, I mean what are you?" I asked again as he kept looking staring at me, "I'm an Angel of the Lord" he answers, "Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing" I said and I felt Y/n move, "This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith. Unlike her she did and thanks to her faith I brought you back" he said and I was about to say something but Y/n beat me to it, " I know you, I-I saw you on town I bumped into you, but... you are using the guy as you meat suit" she said stepping forward,  "He's a devout man, he actually prayed for this" he answers and the lights started to flash and we were able to see his wings all of us took steps back but Y/n stayed in place even when I try to pull her, "so you are really an angel Castiel" she said and he nodded and step forward towards her and try to reach for her, but I saw her flinch, "I would never hurt you Y/n. You and Dean were chosen by God to accomplish his plan" he said as he caresses her face, "what plan?" Sam asked, "I have to go," he said and he disappears as we hear a flop of wings and Y/n just stays there not able to move and I move in front of her and snap my fingers and she shook her head and blinked, "what happens? where did he go?" she asked confused, "he had to go" Sam answer and I just embrace her and she did the same and I started to kiss her but soon it turns into something more, so I picked her up and I walked straight to my room and shut the door, "WE WILL BE ON THE BAR DEAN, IF BOTH NEED US!!" Sam scream and I really didn't care I just wanted to show her how much I missed her.

#reader #dean winchester #dean #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fanfiction #dean x reader #dean x y/n #dean x you #jensen #jensen ackles #platonic! sam winchester x reader #sam winchester #dean winchester x reader #jared padalecki #spnfandom #spn fanfiction #spn #dean winchester x you #dean winchester imagine #jared #jared paladecki #dean winchester story #dean winchester series

[aspoonofsugar]

What do you think of Homura's epiphany in MSMM's rebellion ? (the scene where she turns into a witch, you may find it on YT by searching 'Homura turns into a witch' if you don't see which scene I'm refering)

Hello anon!

I don’t have particular thoughts on that scene since I think it is pretty clear in what it wants to convey.

Homura realizes that the witch she has been hunting is nothing more than herself and as this realization sinks within her, the same happens to the viewer who starts seeing clocks (aka symbols linked to Homura) everywhere and the city (aka the lie Homura had created) dissolving in flames (which are another call back to Homura’s name).

The bus Homura is in conflagrates and the clocks all ring when Homura’s suspicion is confirmed. In short, the world created by Homura mirrors her own feelings and state of mind. Up until she was ignorant the fake city kept working, but the moment she realizes the truth it shows its true colors and Homura’s witch form makes her entrance.

Witches give information about a magical girl’s interiority and Homulily makes no exception. What she symbolizes is explored in the witch’s wiki page.

Generally speaking there are many references to death and grief.

First of all, Homulily keeps repeating her own execution and her servants are her funeral procession.

However, the so called “children of the fake city” are faking their tears and each one of them is called after a negative trait Homura is convinced to have. It is interesting that the last one called love is said to never appear. This has probably to do with Homura feeling that she does not deserve to be loved.

The red spider lily as well is a flower often associated with grief and death and a bunch of lilies appear when Homura realizes that she is a witch. Moreover these flowers can be contrasted with the white ones which appear in the field where Homura sits with Madoka:

What is more, spider lilies emerge from Homulily’s skull:

I am quoting the wiki:

A promise is the only thing that pitifully planted in that head which can no longer crack any nuts, but within the husk of the awakened witch is the distinct form of a magical girl.

The promise which was planted in that head is the vow Homura made to protect Madoka. The fact that it is such a flower the thing which symbolizes said vow is interesting because it shows once again how it is something born from Homura’s grief over her friend’s death and how with time it has become her fixation to the point that it completely took over her head.

The witch being compared to a nutcracker highlights another motif Homulily is associated with aka Nutcracker, the ballet. As the wiki says:

In the story the nutcracker was once a human who was transformed into a nut cracker and later given as a gift a Christmas party where he was damaged, the girl felt sad for him and took care of him, then when the mice attacked he came to life and defended the girl. Similarly Homura started out as a normal girl and was held back by her heart condition, then she befriended Madoka and the others and became a Magical Girl and grew stronger with the intent of protecting Madoka; which would be similar to the role reversal in the ballet. However since Madoka died in most of the timelines until she finally ended up as a part of the universe, Homura could see herself as still being the damaged nutcracker doll who can’t protect the girl who helped her or even fulfill her most basic purpose.

This interpretation is strenghtened also by the fact that some of Homulily’s servants (Luiselotte) are meant to hunt white rats like the one in the Nutcracker’s story. It is clear who Homura considers the rat in her story:

Homulily being associated with a useless nutcracker explains also the teeth associated with this witch. As a matter of fact nutcrackers are used to break nuts, so that they can be chewed easily, but since Homulily is a broken nutcracker teeth decay and fall because they try to chew what they can’t. At the same time dreaming of a broken or fallen tooth means that a relative or a loved one will die soon, so they too are symbols of death and grief. In a sense the teeth are the deaths Homura was not able to avoid because of her being useless (to be clear, I don’t think Homura is useless; this is just how she perceives herself).

Finally Homulily’s hat resembles a record which becomes broken once the witch is beheaded. The hat falls and is later splashed by Homulily’s own foot. After this happens Homulily’s cry where she thanks Madoka and apologizes to her starts in a broken voice and it is as if it is being broadcasted by the grammophone on the witch’s back.

The idea of associating Homulily to a broken record together with the witch repeating her own execution again and again is perfect to convey Homura’s story. As a matter of fact Homura kept repeating the same month in order to save Madoka, but she failed. In a sense it is as if Homulily wants to die as many time as Madoka did.

These are the main motifs and symbols associated with Homura’s witch form, but the scene you asked about has also other segments other than the ones where the witch and her servants appear.

First of all there is the one where Homura and Madoka are sitting together in a field of white flowers:

Homura sees Madoka fall and moves to stop her, but fails. While she does so she leaves her old looks behind and acquires the appearance she has in the original series. In short this segment symbolizes Homura’s development and her becoming who she is because of her attempts to chase after Madoka and to “catch” her before it is too late.

Let’s also underline that Madoka’s position resembles a crucifix and so it might be a reference to Jesus Christ which would fit given the fact that she has become a Goddess to save all magical girls. Either way, it is clear that Madoka’s fall represents her sacrifice and how Homura perceives it as Madoka slipping away and disappearing.

After she fails to catch Madoka Homura is surrounded by a group of old versions of herself who look at her with contempt:

This symbolizes once again Homura’s self hate and how in a sense she has deluded the girl she once was and who started her journey motivated by the wish to protect Madoka. In the end Homura was not able to succeed in her mission and she has grown to resent herself for this.

This is why immediately after a bigger version of herself is shown punching and destroying the whole scene in frustration:

At the same time, despite this Homura being bigger, she is far smaller than the two chairs Madoka and Homura were sitting on. This shows that how much more powerful Homura becomes doesn’t matter because she ends up feeling more and more powerless.

After this, Homulily appears and Homura describes the feeling of being a witch with all the emotions coming back to hunt her and her not being able to remember anything if not fragments of light and regret. She also comments that this is her despair and while she does this image is shown:

This is Homura’s wish to have Madoka in a safe place. Let’s highlight that this picture perfectly shows what Homura will do in the end aka closing Madoka in a golden cage where she is safe, but trapped (stuck in a closet) and where she can’t grow (the Madoka in the picture has childish connotations like her red ribbons and a plushie; moreover she is in a bed as if she is about to sleep).

At this point Homulily is beheaded and what I described above as the witch’s broken cry is broadcasted.

Finally the focus shifts from the witch’s pompus funeral to a small salamander who cries while saying that she is sorry she could not say goodbye to Madoka:

The salamander is an animal believed to be able to survive in the fire. She is associated with Homura probably because her name can be read with the kanji of flame. This little animal closes a scene which started with the labyrinth catching fire because of Homura’s feelings. In a sense, it can be considered the perfect inhabitant of such a place and a good representative of the girl who has such strong emotions.

Of course the salamander can also be seen as foreshadowing of Homura’s rebirth as a demon since the salamander like the phoenix is considered a creature who can be reborn from its ashes (and can be  a symbol of Jesus Christ as well). At the same time it used to be associated with witches and Homura is currently one.

However, I think that deep down the salamander represents Homura’s strong sadness and loneliness. All she wishes is to see an important person one last time and she is far away from the ceremony organized to celebrate the witch’s execution. It is as if the scenery behind her is something of no concern for the salamander which is a stranger to her own funeral.

Thank you for the ask! I hope I was of help!

#pmmm #homura akemi #madoka meta #puella magi madoka magica #pmmm meta #puella magi madoka magica meta #asksfullofsugar #anonymous

[jestbee]

Ships that pass in the night (Chapter Seventeen)

Title: Ships that Pass in the Night (Chapter Sixteen)

Tags: Alternate Timeline, AU, Slow burn, strangers to friends, friends to lovers Words: 5k Summary: Dan and Phil are YouTubers. The catch? They’ve never met, and Phil doesn’t want them to

Author’s Note: So this could be the final chapter. The story is pretty much wrapped up but I'm going to do a final epilogue chapter with a little smut and some general fluffy bits set a little ways in the future, but if that isn't your thing you don't need to read it in order to get the story. It won't have any more like 'plot' points. Thank you for sticking with me, thank you for voting for this in the 'Universe Augmentation' Phanfic Award 2017 that it won!!

[AO3 Link]   [Tumblr Masterpost]  

He rings his mum on the way back. He feels more awake than he has done for a while and he still has all of the Charlie stuff in his head which means there are now so many things he needs to do, so many things he needs to face up to that he might not be ready for. The least he can do is keep his promise to call.

"Child," she says, customarily.

"Hi mum."

"You sound like you're outside, are you outside?"

"I'm on my way back from seeing PJ," he says, "I told you I would."

There's a clinking sound on the other end and he can imagine her sat at their kitchen table with a warm mug in her hands. He suddenly has a pang of homesickness he wasn't ready for. At times like these it would be nice to have his mum, to give her a hug and make everything else go away like he had when he was little. But his mum can't fight his battles for him anymore, she can't stand up against the demons in his own head, only he can do that.

"Oh Phil. I'm glad."

He hums into the phone and pauses at the top of the stairs to the underground because he'll lose signal if he goes down.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" She asks. Always so careful, always tiptoeing around the conversation. He hates that she needs to do that.

He sighs, mostly to himself.

"It's… complicated."

"Of course it is. I wouldn't expect you to get mixed up over something that wasn't. I know you have… you feel things strongly, but you're not one for getting worked up over nothing."

He bites his bottom lip because that makes something heavy rise in his throat.

"Thanks mum."

"Are you sure you don't want to come home?"

"No… no I think I need to talk to… well, to Dan."

"Dan."

"Yes."

"I see…" she pauses, just for a second, but he hears it. "Well it's good you have a friend."

"Mum."

She knows better than that. She must. But she's giving him room for denial, which is nice. But also another one of those things he wishes she didn't have to do.

She hums down the phone. "I know love, just… be careful."

"I am."

Be careful he isn't the same. Be careful you don't react the same way. Be careful. Be careful. He's been careful, perhaps too careful given how things have worked out. Sometimes you need to take a leap of faith. Like replying to a tweet, or grabbing a coffee, or saying yes to a project. If he doesn't, if he keeps playing it safe and secluded over and over he'll look back and he and Dan will have passed by each other. Like ships that pass in the night he will be merely a story of something that once happened to Phil a long time ago. And Phil isn't sure he wants go settle for that anymore.

"I've got to go," he says, "I…"

"Do what you have to, love."

He says goodbye and finally hangs up. He heads into the underground, shoulders squared and feeling lighter than he has in days. He has hope, buoyant and beautiful hope.

-

The idea comes to him when he's finally checking his emails. There's one from a radio producer at the BBC finalising his booking to appear on the radio show. Dan's radio show.

It isn't ideal, and of course he doesn't expect everything to be fixed at Dan's workplace but it's a first step. A show of willing.

He responds with his confirmation and that's that.

-

The BBC building is all glass. It reflects the sun and the revolving door moves too fast so that he almost gets stuck in it but the lobby is cool and echoing and the visitor badge around his neck makes him feel a little important.

He's amazed that the nerves don't get to him until he's in the lift. He's been riding the adrenaline before this, but it wears out once he follows the girl with the short spiky ponytail down the corridor. They go through a room filled with mismatched sofas and then a sound room with amps he recognises as the live lounge and then they're there. In front of a desk that has hundreds of buttons and dials and lights, engineers in headphones moving them in unison and then--

Dan. On the other side. Head dipped low over his laptop, fringe swinging into his eyes. It takes everything in Phil not to rush through the people, pole vault over the complicated desk, stand amidst the strange array of drawings and posters and celebrity face masks and say-- what?

Something Phil. Think. How has he got this far without knowing what he's going to say?

"Howell," the woman is saying. "Your guest is here."

Dan looks up, slightly confused for a second before their eyes lock. Phil sees the back of his jaw clench, the way his lips purse slightly throwing an annoyed dimple into relief on his cheek.

"Thanks Ros," he says. "I've got it."

Dan comes around the desk. Expertly dodging cables Phil knows he's going to trip on and finally they're face to face. He doesn't look mad, he doesn't look much of anything. His face, the one Phil has grown to know so well, is shockingly blank.

"I didn't think you'd come," Dan says.

"I... " Phil starts, but he still has no idea what to say.

"Come on," Dan says, moving past him but making sure they don't touch. Phil aches. "We've got a half hour, I know where we can get… snacks."

He doesn't say coffee. Phil doesn't get coffee with Dan anymore. That makes him much sadder than it has any right to for something so small.

If he's going to feel this way about anything it should be the way Dan avoids his eyes, or how they walk with a considerable distance between them in the corridors. How everything is different. How much he misses how it used to be. How he doesn't know how to bring up everything that's happened. Where does he even start?

Dan brings them to a vending machine tucked into the corner of a dim grey room, a sofa shoved against a wall and a table with music magazines spread on top of it. There's a coffee machine and a sink but the room looks less polished and modern than the rest of the building.

Dan faces the vending machine and looks at it with a knot in the middle of his brows. His eyes are hard and Phil thinks that the expression is probably for him, rather than the snacks within.

"So… how have you been?"

Dan cocks his head and doesn't meet his eyes. "Fine."

"Good. That's… good.

Phil swallows and feels his tongue thick and cumbersome in his mouth, he can barely speak around how dry his lips feel, how alien the sounds fit behind his teeth.

"I didn't think you'd come," Dan says.

He sounds sad. Phil hates that he sounds sad.

"I… wanted to." it's all he can think to say. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Ha!"

"What?"

"Now you want to talk?" Dan turns, shifting on his heel until he's facing Phil. He looks mad. "You don't just get to pick and choose when you want to talk to me and when you don't. I deserve better than that."

Phil looks down at his shoes, fighting the urge to run away and escape the conversation. He needs to stay, he needs to get some of this out or it will eat at him.

"I know," he says to his Vans, "You do. I just… I didn't--"

He stops, because despite everything he still doesn't know where to start.

Dan sighs and Phil can hear the frustration in it.

"I spoke to Tyler. And Cat. They told me what they said…"

Phil looks up and Dan is staring at him hard.

"You know it's all bullshit, right? They said some shit to me about you ages ago, when I wouldn't stop going on about you." Dan looks sheepish at this. "It was just some dumb joke about hooking up with you for views and… honestly, it never really crossed my mind afterwards. I forgot they even said it once I actually... I should have told them to fuck off when they said it but it was so ludicrous to me that I would even meet you that I… you know… just forgot."

Phil nods, quick and jerky.

"Okay, yeah, I'm stupid I didn't… I'm not sure I ever really…" he lets his shoulders drop from where they've been drawn up, letting the relief flood through him.

He'd pretty much decided that in light of everything that Dan has said to Charlie, how he defended him to his own detriment, that even if Dan had started out wanting to spend time with him for some sort of popularity gain, his feelings must have changed a little. Despite that, it's still nice to hear Dan say out loud that it wasn't like that at all. And Phil can let himself believe it, for once.

"You were right," he says finally, "I was just scared. I don't think I ever really believed it."

Dan bites his bottom lip, chewing a bit on it, the pink flesh turning white. "Last time we spoke you were convinced. What changed your mind, Phil? Why are you here?"

Phil blows out air, makes space for what comes next in his body, like deflating.

"I think I owe you an explanation. For… well, for everything."

Dan's brows lift a little at that, like he's surprised.

"I know," Phil says, forcing a bit of a laugh overtop of his awkwardness, "I don't… I'm not good at doing that. But I want to be… when it comes to you. With you I want to be better."

Dan nods, just once and then beckons him to follow as he makes his way over to the small, beat up couch. He flops down onto it and Phil follows suit, perching on the opposite cushion, suspended and uncomfortable.

"Take your time," Dan says, with far more patience than he has any right to have at this moment.

Phil shakes his head, he had no idea how Dan is like this, how he isn't screaming at Phil to just get on with it. But there he is, all restrained and not pushing him, sitting, waiting, calm and collected. It makes everything crazily zipping around Phil's chest calm, like a flock of birds haphazardly flapping come to a stop, settling in rows.

"So… PJ showed me… um, the things. On Twitter."

"On Twitter?"

Phil nods a little. "Hm, Ch-charlie. The… stuff he's been saying."

"Oh." Dan's mouth purses a little, going tight at the corners. His nostril flare, just ever so slightly. He doesn't look happy. "I didn't realise you didn't know about that."

"I blocked him ages ago."

Phil puts one hand in the other in his lap, squeezing fingers around his palm. He fidgets, nervously. This is difficult, moreso than he'd thought it would be.

"I… I'm not used to talking about this," he says, "I haven't. Not since…"

Dan reaches over and Phil watches his slide his fingers overtop of his, stilling them where he's squeezing over and over. Phil marvels at him, he has every right to stay mad at him, but here he is offering comfort like he always does.

"You don't have to," he whispers.

"I do," Phil insists, not knowing what to do with all of Dan's wonderful patience. "I do. I... "

Phil shifts, turns in his seat until his body is angled towards Dan's. Dan doesn't move his hand, just slips his fingers between Phil's so that they're holding hands. It's a small thing, but it's enough to ground him.

"I had anxiety issues long before I met him," he starts, "I won't credit him with being the be-all-and-end-all of my issues. He doesn't get to claim that."

Dan swipes his thumb over Phil's knuckles. Phil looks down, stunned by the small gesture against his skin, focussing on that instead of on the way his hand is shaking under Dan's palm.

"But I thought I’d found someone who loved me in spite of those issues," Phil croaks, his voice cracking over the words, caught around something in his throat pushing upwards."I thought… It's so stupid, I thought he realised they were a part of me and loved me anyway. But… that's not… he didn't. It's too much. I can understand why."

"I can't," Dan says, "I can't understand that at all. You are not your issues, Phil, but they are a part of who you are. You don't need to be loved in spite of them, you should be loved because of them, including them, because you feel things deeply doesn't mean you're damaged."

Phil looks up, into Dan's serious, sincere expression and he wants to tell him just how much that means, what it is to have someone like Dan telling him these things. How desperately he wants to believe them but how that tiny voice in his head reminds him that they can't possibly be true, or that Dan means them now but won't once he finally sees… once he knows the full extent.

"I think if I’d had someone say that back then… Or had someone who asked me how I am before going into parties or acknowledging when my head gets loud… things might have ended up differently."

"I wish I'd known you then."

Phil closes his eyes and concentrates on Dan's thumb going back and forth over his hand.

"Me too."

"I did…" Dan says, "A bit. I was… well, I was watching your videos at least."

Phil sighs, a little groan escaping him as he thinks of what Dan must have seen, of how it all went down out there in public. How can Dan be sat here now if he saw everything?

"You…"

"I'd like to hear your side of it," Dan says, guessing what it is that is tormenting him. "I never… there was always more to it."

"There was." Phil's voice is tiny, shoved inside of him in that place where he keeps everything. It's cracking open, like something pressured finally released. "He played my insecurities. He… He knew. I told him what I felt like sometimes and he used that to keep me secluded and in the dark about everything that was going on. He said he was trying to push me, to get me to face up to things, but he just didn’t care."

"He was always so... "

"Public," Phil supplies. "Everything was out in the open, and I was just never… comfortable with that. I want to keep it between us, it was personal, you know? Our relationship. But he was so intent on...parading it everywhere."

"I think we all know why."

Phil nods. "Exactly. He used me, Dan. He put our relationship everywhere so that he could be associated with me. I wasn't even… I didn't have like, loads of subscribers then but… YouTube was different. I knew alot of people, we were friends… Charlie never really fit in with all of that. I think there are some people that just shouldn't be online, like in the public space… he's one of them. But he wanted it so much, more than anything else, and he used me to... to…"

Dan slides a little, shuffling up next to him, pressing their hips together. Their hands are still clasped but he's close now. So close Phil can smell the scent of his cologne.

"I just wanted to keep it private," Phil says again, "I didn't know… I was confused. About like, boys and not being straight and navigating the whole… comment section wanting to know my business. You know? But he… he didn't want that."

"Phil…"

"He wanted me to be different," Phil says, his voice a little thick but he's holding on. The warmth from Dan is helping, the rhythmic back and forth of his thumb on his knuckles and the press of his body against his side. This is comfort. This is what he's needed. It hurts, to let it out, to put forth something he's been keeping hidden for all this time. Fear that he wouldn't be understood. "When I didn't want to go along with it, when I had… bad days He thought I could just snap out of it and when I couldn’t he decided I wasn’t worth it, even if it did mean good things for his channel. In the end… he got what he wanted and then moved on."

"I remember… it was just as I started YouTube," Dan says, "I'd been tweeting you alot by then."

Phil nods. "I know that now. I wish… God I wish it had been different. That I'd have seen that or something. But… there was a lot of other stuff going on. I might have seen it, I like to think I'd have seen it. If... you know, everything else hadn't been happening"

"You split up with him."

"Did I?" Phil asks, "That definitely the way he tells it. He spun the story of the victim, like I’d strung him along and was some pompous stuck up big youtuber that hated everyone. He made out like he was the one that had wanted to keep it quiet, but that I'd wanted to… that I made him put it all out in the open. I can't even remember anymore, whether it was me or him. I like to think I did do it, that I did finally break free… but I don't really know."

Phil runs a hand through his hair, dragged his fingers out from between Dan's and standing up. He paces, back and forth in front of the couch, needing to move, to work of some of the rising shake he can feel. It rattles in his chest, his heart beating, pulse pounding in his ears.

"He honestly made it seem like he was the victim, the things he said… the… it was... " he breath in, quick and hard and he squeezes his eyes shuts because he's starting to panic. He can feel it. He has to do this, he has to push through.

Dan rises to his feet, catches his as he walks by, pulling and tugging until Phil is cradled against his chest. His face buried in Dan's shoulder, Dan's large hand smoothing up and down his back.

He feels pathetic. It's just a breakup, something people go through every day. But he knows that his anxiety means his reacts differently, he's heard people tell him time and time again that his reaction is valid. Because Charlie had essentially fucked with his entire career, his whole life, all of his friends. So many of them believed him, he lost a lot of people. But it's hard for Phil to rationalise that when he's feeling small and silly and like he's overacting even though he can't help the way his breath comes in spurts, all bound up in his lungs, sporadic and laboured.

"It's okay…" he says, low in his ear. "I've got you. I know… I saw… it's okay. It's over."

"It was easier to go along with it," Phil sobs, "because then at least I wouldn’t get hurt. At least then… by then I just wanted it over. I didn't want YouTube or anything. It was a really… a really…"

"Shhh," Dan soothes. He flutters a hand to Phil's cheek, lifting to press their foreheads together. "It's okay."

"It was a bad time. I… didn't come out of it very well."

"You disappeared," Dan says. "For a little while."

Phil reaches out, folds his arms around Dan's waist and pulls him close, liking the nearness of him, the familiar shape of him, when he feels like this. His heartbeat is slowing, a little, bit by bit.

"I wanted to quit completely. Some stuff… happened."

"Do you want to…"

"Yes," Phil insists. "I want to tell you all of it. I don't want anything… all of it. I need you to know."

Dan pauses, runs his thumb across Phil's cheekbone. "Can I kiss you? I want to… but not if you're… I don't want to make it worse."

Phil nods, leans forward, bring their mouths together. It's fleeting, a tiny fluttery thing across Phil's lips. He feels himself reset a little. Dan isn't magic, he can't kiss away Phil's panic attack but it does give Phil something to focus on, and it's reassuring to know that Dan is still here. After all of this, after hearing most of it, he's still here.

"When you're ready," Dan says.

"I just… it was stupid. It sounds a lot worse than it was." He pulls away a little bit, needing space to tell his story. Dan lets him go. "I just had some bad days right after. I tried to stay off Twitter and away from what everyone was saying but… it was harder than I thought it would be. I just… went to bed. Honestly, that's all it was I was just so tired of everything, it felt like the world was too bright and too loud and wherever I went there was just… noise. People attacking me. So I went to bed. For about a week."

Dan nods, clearly a little perplexed.

"I didn't eat," Phil clarifies, "I barely drank water I got… I went to bed but I didn't sleep. I was dehydrated and exhausted and having a kind of extended panic attack. Eventually my parents got too worried and ended up taking me to A & E. I guess I was pretty out of it because they admitted me, just a for a little bit while they gave me some fluids and stuff. I wasn't like… crazy or suicidal or… you know, I was… lucky. But it wasn't… good."

"Phil…" Dan says, reaching for him again before deciding not to. "Sorry. God, I'm so sorry that happened to you… I… it's so stupid but I wish I'd been around to… Have you been… since we… I mean... "

"A bit," Phil nods. He isn't going to lie to Dan now. "But I have… while I was at the hospital they had people I talked to. I learned, some stuff. I'm not always the best at remembering but I have… like PJ and my mum and stuff. They know. So they're good about…"

"Would… Could I…" Dan tips his head a little to the side, "I want to help. I want to be there for you like that."

"You're already really great at it," Phil says, "You don't need to do any more than you already do. I don't want to be like a… full time job for people. I don't want you to be... "

"I want to," Dan says, simply.

Phil just looks at him for a moment, shaking his head. "Where did you come from Dan Howell?"

Dan smiles, a bit, Phil watches it unfolding on his face the way that it does, lighting it up until he's glowing.

"Nowhere special."

Phil can't believe that.

"I was… after the hospital I had all these systems in place to function. They weren't the healthiest and I'm sure the people I talked to there wouldn't have recommended them as they mostly entailed keeping everyone and everything at arm's length but… it meant I could rejoin the world a little bit. I could exist in it anyway. I could make videos and talk to my audience, as long as it was all on my terms, as long as I didn't interact too much."

Phil shrugs a tiny smile of his own appearing. He feels a little lighter, and his heart rate is back to normal. He can feel it all like a weight lifted off his chest, he can breathe again.

"Then you came along. And… I couldn't… I tried. God, I tried. But you were something else, Dan. I couldn't help myself. It just got, messy. Because I didn't… I still don't… know how to deal with all of this like a grown up. I'm not… equipped to deal with how I feel about you."

"And how do you feel about me?" Dan asks.

"Dan…"

"It was real, Phil. I don't care what Charlie says, or what the stupid voice in your head has to say. It was real."

"I know. I was happy."

"Me too. You have no idea how happy I was. Can't we just be happy, Phil? Please?"

He wishes it were that simple. He wishes they could just draw a line under everything and go back to how things were before, but it would never be that easy. It can't be.

"There will always be Twitter, and viewers, and people shipping. I'm never going to want to put it all out there, I'm always going to want to… hide."

Dan shakes his head and for a terrifying moment Phil knows that this is it, this is the moment that Dan walks away. He wouldn't blame him.

"Phil, I'll never fucking Tweet again if that's what you want. You think any of that matters to me more than you do?"

"Don't be absurd."

"Okay, okay. That's extreme… but the sentiment is the same. Phil… I don't want people all up in my business either. If you don't want me to mention you at all, or if as far as the world is concerned we're just best friends, then that's fine with me. I mean, if that was all you actually ever wanted from me, I'd be fine with that too. I just care about you. Alot. I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either," Phil says, "And I don't want you to have to like, lie. I just… If we were going to… I want to keep it to us."

"I understand that, and I… I never want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

"I'm probably never going to be okay," Phil warns, "I'll always be… like this."

"Phil," Dan moves towards him, folding his arms around Phil's waist and pulling him close once again. He's been in and out of Dan's space today but he slides his hands up Dan's arms, over the curve of his bicep and on to his shoulders. He feels settled here, safe. "I don't want you to be anyone you're not. I only… I mean, I just hope that you talk to me. Just… I want to be there for you."

"And if it gets too much for you?"

Dan shakes his head. "I promise I'll talk to you too. I'll tell you when I need space, and you tell me when you need help, or you need space too. Can… I don't want to push you. I really want this to work. But I think… it'll probably only work if we actually talk to each other about this stuff. Not talking is what got us in trouble in the first place. Can you do that? Do you think it's… is that okay?"

It's scary. The prospect of staying this open. Of leaving this place and not closing down that piece of him again, not crawling in to his bed and saying goodbye to world, but remaining a part of it. This is what it means, to care for someone the way he does Dan, to let them in, to be vulnerable. Dan's eyes are warm and they don't demand an answer, Phil knows he could step out of Dan's arms right now and Dan would let him go. He doesn't want to.

"It's okay,I can do that." Phil says. "You know… no one has wanted me for me before."

"I do," Dan say.

"Yeah," Phil nods, "I think… I know. I believe it."

He huffs out a laugh, incredulous at himself. He does. He really believes it.

"I want you too," he says to Dan. "Let's just be happy."

"Okay," Dan smiles and leans in, only half way, waiting for Phil. "Let's be happy."

Phil lets the world shift a bit to accommodate the new way of things, feels the himself smile and lean in, meeting him in the middle.

Dan's lips are soft and welcoming. Phil sighs into his mouth and Dan lets his tongue flick out against the join of his lips. He parts to let him in, tipping his head and moving closer, lifting a hand up to the back of Dan's neck, holding him there. He can feel the way Dan's hand presses against the base of his spine, the warmth of his broad palm seeping through his shirt.

There is a vibration on Phil's hip and they part, Dan laughing.

"Shit," he says, "It's my phone."

"Anyone important?"

"Fuck, Phil! The show! We forgot about the show."

Phil's eyes go wide. He'd been so busy baring his soul that he'd forgotten they were there to do the radio show.

"We have to get upstairs, I mean we have time but they're… we have to go now. I'm sorry."

Phil laughs, "That's okay."

"Will you… after the show. Come back to mine?"

Phil nods. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"I'm glad I met you," Dan says, moving toward the door. "You know, finally. It was getting a little ridiculous that we kept nearly-meeting."

Phil follows him out of the door. "I'm glad too," he says, "but… what if we hadn't?"

Dan holds his hand out and Phil doesn't hesitate to take it, slipping his fingers in between Dan's as they walk the halls. He does drop it as they enter the studio, but they share a warm fond look as he does and Phil knows Dan is okay with him wanting to keep it just to them. He won't push Phil past the point that he's comfortable with. He doesn't know if it will always be that way, but it's what he needs for now.

"I wouldn't have let that happen," Dan says as they get ready to go on air, "I'd have met you eventually."

"Yeah?" Phil says, "We wouldn't just have been ships passing in the night forever?"

"Definitely not," Dan says, "It would have happened. At some point."

And somehow, Phil believes him.

#phanfic #phanfic au #phan #dnp #dan and phil #phanfiction #my fics #fanfic #fanfiction #ships that pass in the night