How are you able to enjoy toxic/unhealthy/“problematic” ships/characters without feeling weird (for lack of a better word) about it?
I ask this because I want to be able to do this myself as it seems like a much more enjoyable way of engaging with fiction to me. I can get over some ships just being toxic and the characters not being good together and still enjoy their dynamic but I have trouble with the other ships that feel morally wrong. I know it’s just fiction but I can’t seem to get over the ick feeling I have when I think about those ships/characters. I feel like I’m being too puritanical about these things but I don’t know how to stop feeling like something is gross when I feel it’s gross…
Do you have any tips to stop jumping to moralizing ships/characters?
thank you very much for the ask, anon!
i'm going to be upfront that this reflexive gross feeling isn't something i've ever really struggled with - both in fic and more broadly. this is due to various personal idiosyncrasies, above all the fact that i've got disengaged boomer parents who didn't police our media consumption [my favourite book when i was eleven? lolita...] and that i'm a doctor, which is a profession which requires you to develop a very high threshold for what you find disgusting. the human body - at all stages of its life-cycle and its cycle of decomposition - produces a lot of different fluids... and it's also the case that [just as if you can think of it, there's porn for it] if an inanimate object exists, somebody somewhere has got it stuck inside them...
and so the situation that i find myself in is that i consider it infinitely less weird that i enjoy the odd bit of hot tomarrymort action than that i actively enjoy cutting through bone with a saw...
but, obviously, "get a medical degree" isn't particularly helpful advice...
i am a ride-or-die fan of the concept of stepping outside of your comfort zone. this is why i'm such an avowed multishipper - i think it's good for us as fandom citizens to examine the potential of our faves in relationships [romantic or otherwise] which are either not their canon endgames or which aren't our preferred pairings, and in situations which don't align with their canon experiences [whether that means making them suffer or giving them full-on fluff]. it draws out the multiple aspects of a character to consider them from these different angles - and it prevents us from getting so stuck in one interpretation of a character or configuration of a ship which means that it puts our backs up to stumble across stories which approach things differently.
but stepping outside of your comfort zone doesn't mean that you have to go enormously far. it may be that a reader decides - having only ever read teen-rated fics where characters' sex lives don't extend beyond hand-holding and forehead kisses - to take the plunge into an explicit piece filled to the brim with watersports and age play. it may be that a reader decides - having only ever read teen-rated fics for one canon pairing - to read a teen-rated fic for a non-canon alternative. both of these are entirely valid approaches.
by which i mean, our comfort levels and our thresholds for discomfort are subjective, they're personal. if there are ships or themes or characters you don't want to read about because they don't feel good... you're not doing something wrong if you avoid them. exposing yourself to fics you expect to make you uncomfortable can be useful - and fiction is certainly a way to explore discomfort which gives you much more control over the experience than encountering it in real life - but it's not something you're obliged to do to be active in fandom.
the thing you are obliged to do to be active in fandom is to be nice to other people, no matter what their tastes in fiction. this means, at its fundamental level, that when you see people who ship pairings or like themes which make you think "ew"... you keep it to yourself/the group chat rather than putting it on the timeline.
but, once this is something you've got the hang of [which takes a bit of time! but practice makes perfect!], something i feel can be a really useful way of overcoming a tendency towards knee-jerk moralising reactions is to just vibe in the vicinity of people you know like the content you instinctively feel is gross.
this doesn't mean you have to read any of this content - but you'll learn just by hanging out near them that the people who do are just... normal. one minute they might reblog a rec for a pairing you think "absolutely not" about, the next they might reblog a cat picture which makes you squeal with delight. you'll like some of their content, but not all. you'll agree with some of it, but not all. you might like progressively more of it as you spend time in their orbit - maybe they'll explain why they like the pairing or character in question and you'll think "huh, i've never looked at it like that" - or you might not. this is absolutely fine.
all of us - at one time or other - have made a black-and-white moralising pronouncement: people who think x are gross; people who like y are fucked-up, you'd never catch me doing z. and these pronouncements are different from our wider, societally-influenced moral codes - which are good things, otherwise we'd live in the purge - in that they're fundamentally ways for us to feel good about ourselves and our families and our friends by defining ourselves as better than a faceless other. we say "you'd never catch me reading that, it's foul" when we know [or think we know] that the friend we're talking to would agree with the statement. we are far less likely to say it if we know that the friend - whom we see as a human being who is beautiful in their imperfection and inherently worthy of love simply by virtue of being alive - was reading and enjoying that just the other day.
and so the best way to train yourself out of reflexively moralising ships or characters or tropes is to put a face to the faceless other who likes them. be intentional in sharing a space with fans of the stuff you feel uncomfortable with and, eventually, it just becomes background noise. you'll scroll on tumblr, say "well there we are, jane's written some more of her sirius/harry piss kink fic - although i'm not interested in clicking on it" and go on with your day.
because the other thing i think it's really useful to do is to train yourself into reframing your disgust as disinterest. there are plenty of things which i don't seek out to read - and some of these topics are completely benign and some are darker [i don't enjoy reading explicit non-con, for example] - but this is because i try to frame it as that i don't think these things would interest me.
this is still the maintenance of a personal comfort zone, but thinking of the content outside this zone as something you are disinterested in turns it into something neutral. when you think of it as something to be disgusted or grossed out by, it naturally provokes a visceral response which makes you look through a moral lens. thinking in terms of disinterest, instead, gives you sufficient detachment from this visceral response to recognise, interrogate, contextualise, and control it.
and - in time - this neutral reframing may result in you feeling more interested in taking the plunge into the ships and characters and stories you currently don't vibe with, once you don't have an instinctive disgust response as a barrier.
or it may not. and this is absolutely fine.
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TROLLS HOLIDAY OF HAVOC- A VALENTINES FANFIC: Part 1 (warning, rlly long)
only read this story if you are like REALLY bored and have nothing to do for the next bajillion minutes cuz ITS LONG
Its a mix of Broppy with a bit of Cliva!
I wrote this on Wattpad if you would rather read it there. 😘
"UGHHHHHHH," John Dory groaned as he and the rest of the BroZone brothers fell onto the couch the morning after one of their shows.
They were in Branch's bunker living room, where all of them except for Bruce lived now, though Bruce did live there when he was planning on staying in Pop Village for a while for shows, like this last week.
And there was only one way to describe what the brothers felt now: EXHAUSTED.
"I can't believe we did six shows in five days last week!" Clay groaned.
"I don't think I've slept since Monday," Branch sighed.
"At least we were all together," Floyd suggested. "It's better than when we were all apart, right?"
They all stared at him. It was obvious from their faces that they didn't really agree.
"I miss Brandy," Bruce sighed sadly, taking a picture of his wife and kids out of his hair.
"You always miss Brandy," John said, annoyed. "Why don't you enjoy hanging around us for a little while at least?"
"Because you guys never tell me how much you love me," Bruce shot back.
Floyd touched his shoulder. "Bruce, we love you a ton."
Bruce stared at him, then shrugged Floyd's hand off of his should. "Ehh, it's not the same."
"I'd be concerned if it was." Branch stood up. "Guys, we're all acting weird and mopey. You know why?"
"Because you didn't make us pancakes for breakfast like we asked?" John asked.
Branch frowned. "What? No. I told you; I don't have all the ingredients!"
"Well, I offered to go to the store for you, but nooooo you said--"
"It's because we all need a break!" Branch interrupted. "We've been working our butts off ever since we got back together, which is good, but we deserve a break sometime. Which is why--" He turned and grabbed the BroZone Planner book from off of the breakfast table, "--I completely emptied all of our activities this week." He placed it in front of Clay.
"What?! No way!" Clay opened the planner to the week that it was. It was true. The whole week had nothing written anywhere on it.
The brothers stared at it for a while.
"Omigosh, yes!! This is what I've been secretly wanting for the past two months!" John gave a sigh of relief.
"That means we can do whatever we want all week!" Floyd smiled. "This is gonna be so much fun!"
"Guys, we should totally go bowling!" Bruce suggested.
John gave Bruce a funny look. "Why?"
"Cuz I haven't been bowling in forever! Last time I went bowling with Brandy, I broke my left pinkie toe!" He lifted his foot to show his toe, which was hanging in a weird way.
"Eww, that is disgusting, put that down!" Branch shrieked, covering his eyes.
"Dude, it's just the way of nature. Things break. Including toes," Bruce explained.
"That doesn't mean we want to see it!" Floyd gagged.
"Okay, okay!! If you put that foot down, we'll go bowling!" John compromised.
"Okie!" Bruce put down his foot and gasped. "We can call it-- browling!!"
"Haha!! Yes! I love it!" John laughed, nudging him.
Clay had been quiet. His eyes were so wide they looked like saucers. Then he gave a relieved sigh. "Oh my gosh, it is so satisfying to open this planner to this week and see nothing in it."
"There's not nothing in it," Literal John pointed out. "It says 'Valentines Day' right there."
Clay gave him the bro, are you kidding me? look. "Thanks."
"You're welcome! 🤗" John answered.
"Ahhh, Valentines Day," Bruce gave another sigh, this time full of relaxation and enjoyment, as he sat back. "You know, Brandy and I met on Valentines Day."
His brother turned to him, annoyed.
"Yah, we know," John grunted. "You tell us every Saturd--"
"It was exactly ten years ago," Bruce began suddenly.
The rest of BroZone groaned.
"I was new to Vacay Island and the Islanders, and watched them party in the evening of Valentines Day, all partying like they were never gonna stop. I watched sadly, wishing that I had my own Valentine to party with."
"And then that's when you saw her," Branch predicted.
"By the snack stand," Clay continued.
"All alone," Floyd reminded.
"Looking kind of depressed," John finished. "Maybe a bit like us right no--"
"And then!" Bruce didn't wait for JD to finish. "I decided now was my chance. So I walked up to that beauty. Her eyes were shining like bits of heaven itself. Her skin as yellow as a really ripe banana. Her hair as stringy as the cheese in a cheese and spinach ravioli."
"Why do you always describe her like that?" Clay asked. "It absolutely disgust--"
Bruce ignored him. "And I walked up to her and said, 'Hey, you must be today's special cuz you're making me hungry!"
All the brothers winced, just as they always did whenever Bruce got to that part.
"I'm really surprised she didn't punch you after saying that," Branch remarked.
"Oh, she did," Bruce chuckled.
"Wait, what?!!" Clay gasped.
"Dude, how come you've never told us the one interesting part in this lame story?!!" John gaped.
"I don't know. It didn't really matter," Bruce shrugged.
"What is wrong with you?" Clay asked.
Floyd laughed.
"Well, anyways. After I said that, she--"
They all groaned again.
"BROOOOOZOOONNNEEEE!!!" came a high but sweet voice from the hallway.
Queen Poppy burst into the living room, her face full of excitement and joy. She waved a pink envelope in the air before twirling excitedly in the room. "I'm sorry that I just popped out of nowhere, but I had to tell you--!!"
She stopped, noticing Bruce's mouth open, mid-story. "Oop, am I interrupting something?"
"Nope, you just saved us," Clay said gratefully.
"Yes, please continue. Even your news may beat Bruce's story," John pleaded.
Branch smiled and rolled his eyes. He was completely grateful to Poppy for interrupting though. Hearing the same story every week wasn't very fun.
"What'd you want to tell us?" He asked, walking toward her.
"Well, you know how Valentines Day is in two days?" She sang in a happy voice.
"Ugh, don't start Bruce all over again!" John said, alarmed.
Bruce crossed his arms. "I don't get why you guys don't enjoy it. It's absolutely lovely."
"Sure, Bruce. If you say so." Floyd patted his shoulder.
"We were just talking about it," Branch informed Poppy, who looked a bit confuzzled.
"Oh. Well, good!" She grabbed his left arm. "I wanted to invite you all to--"
"Wait, invite us to?" Branch stopped her. "Poppy, I thought I told you, we were taking a break from parties and everything else all week!"
Poppy looked at him, remembered, then blushed. "Oh. Well, uhhh--" she scratched the back of her head. "It's not really a... party."
Branch sighed and took the pink envelope and opened it. Inside the card said:
YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO POP VILLAGE'S FIRST ANNUAL VALENTINE'S DAY DANCE!!
Formal Dress Required. Snacks Provided! 6pm to 9pm.
"Popppyyy," he gave long groan.
"I'm sorry, I didn't-- I forgot, you don't have to go!" Poppy's face flushed even more.
"Another party?!" John moaned, leaning back on the couch.
"But I was hoping to go back home that day!" Bruce said. He sighed. "Well, I guess..."
Clay also gave a sad sigh. "There goes our empty week." He grabbed a pencil and tried to bring himself to write in the planner Valentine Dance.
"For the second time, it's not empty! It already says 'Valentines Day', right there!" John pointed out again.
"DUDE HOW LITERAL CAN YOU BE?!!" Clay shrieked.
"Guys!" Poppy yelled.
They all turned to her.
She turned back to Branch. "Look. You're right. You told me not to invite you to a party. I thought the ball would be alright since it wasn't really a party, but I shouldn't have taken you so literally, and I'm sorry. You all don't have to go, no pressure." She gave him a kind smile and turned around and left.
They all stared after her.
"That was really sweet of her," Floyd said.
"Wow. Branch. She practically got on her knees, begging for forgiveness, and you just stand there like a doofus!" John said.
"Yeah, Brandy never would never have done that for me," Bruce said, impressed.
"Mostly because she doesn't have knees," Clay smarted.
The Clay and John snickered.
"I don't find that funny!" Bruce shouted.
Branch sat down next to Floyd.
"Penny for your thoughts," Floyd said gently.
"I think I'm gonna go to the dance," Branch said shortly.
"What?!" John turned to him. "What happened to browling?!!"
"We have all week to do that, it's just one day, guys." Branch shrugged. "Besides, I kinda want to make this Valentines Day perfect for Poppy. The past few haven't gone-- well, very well."
"What do you mean?" Floyd asked.
~~~ THREE YEARS AGO~~~
"Happy Valentines Day, Branch!!!" Poppy held out a Valentine's Day card to a grumpy Branch.
He took it with a plastered smile then stomped on it angrily.
"😱😱!!!" Everyone gasped.
~~~ TWO YEARS AGO~~~
"Happy Valentines Day, Branch!!" Poppy held out another Valentine's Day card for a grumpy Branch.
He took it and stomped on it.
"😱😱!!!" Everyone gasped.
~~~ONE YEAR AGO (Branch has his true colors now, y'all)~~~
"Happy Valentines Day, Branch!!" Poppy held out her annual Valentine's Day card to a now happy Branch, sure he wasn't going to stomp on it.
Glitter sprayed in his face.
"EEEWW, I GOT GLITTER IN MY MOUTH!!" Branch shrieked. "I THINK IMMA PUKE-" runs away gagging dangerously.
"😱😱!!!" Everyone gasped.
~~~BACK TO PRESENT TIME~~~
"Oof, yah, you do owe her a good Valentines Day," Floyd completely agreed.
"And maybe this is my way of doing it," Branch said. He got up. "I'm going to go tell Poppy. But none of you guys have to go."
"Oh, don't worry, we've got that in mind," John said, annoyed.
"Poppy!" Branch ran out of the living room smack into--
"Hiii!!" Poppy gave him a giddy smile.
"Poppy, were you standing there the whole time?" Branch asked, lifting an eyebrow.
She shifted uncomfortably. "Mayyybeee."
He couldn't help smiling.
"I was hoping you'd say you would still come! And you did!!" Poppy gave an excited squeal and jumped onto him, giving him a big hug.
"Okay, okay, but I don't think the rest of them are coming," Branch gently pushed her off of him.
"That's okay." She waved her hand carelessly. "As long as you're there."
He grinned.
"Viva and I are so excited, we're planning on decorating it all by ourselves and we're ordering the biggest cake you've ever seen and--" she gave an excited gasp. "Branch!! You'll have to come over tomorrow! I have so many ideas for your tuxedo!"
"Well, I-- uhh." Branch wasn't sure if he wanted to wear another tuxedo in his life. He had worn that all week so far.
"How about around 11am tomorrow?! Okay, good!" She kissed his cheek, not waiting for an answer. "I'll see you then!!!" And she danced toward the elevator.
Branch gave an exasperated sigh.
~~~ The Next Day~~~
"I'm off to Poppy's to see about tuxedos, guys," Branch said.
"Ouch, good luck with that." John lay on his back on the couch, covering the whole thing.
Branch rolled his eyes.
"Branch, do you have a mailbox?" Bruce asked from the breakfast nook. "I haven't had mail in forever!"
"Pfft, who'd send mail to you?" John asked. "You aren't a thrilling teenager anymore, Bruce."
"As a matter of fact, I get tons of fanmail, Mister I'm-Jealous-Cuz-I've-Never-Gotten-One-Fan-Letter-In-My-Entire-Life. But I was talking more about my family," Bruce said defensively.
"Mmm." John had no comeback.
"As an answer to your question," Branch finally managed to cut in, "No, Bruce, I do not. Poppy's working on that. I can go get your mail at the post office if you want."
"Ooh, and while you're there," Clay handed him a letter to mail.
"What's this?" Branch asked.
"Well, it's--" Clay began in his I'm-about-to-blab-about-serious-boring-and-important-stuff-for-about-fifteen-minutes voice.
"Ya know what, doesn't matter, I'll take it." Branch was not about to stand here for fifteen minutes. Not when he could be talking to Poppy. "Anything else?"
"Oh! I have a grocery list!" John got up and handed him a five-foot-long list.
"John, I'm going to Poppy's pod. I'm not going anywhere near the grocery store."
"Well, you asked 'anything else' and I told you!" John went back to the couch. "You're welcome."
Branch rolled his eyes.
"Here, Branch. I'll go do that stuff." Floyd got up from the breakfast table. "You can go on ahead to Poppy's pod."
"Oh. Thanks, Floyd." Branch gave him a smile.
"We're off!" Floyd announced.
"Hmm."
"They don't care, let's just go before they order us to go pick up something somewhere else," Branch whispered.
"Good idea," Floyd agreed.
They started off toward the direction of Poppy's pod (the post office was on the way).
"Soooo...." Floyd said in a singsong voice.
"Soooo?" Branch asked.
"What's your gameplan?"
"For what?"
Floyd laughed. "Asking Poppy to the dance!"
"What?" Branch gave him a funny look. "I have to ask her? She's not just gonna assume we're going together because we're dating?"
"Well, of course she does. But it's more fun for the girls when they get asked." Floyd grinned. "You know, you'd think you've never been in a famous boyband."
"Yeah, well, girls weren't always my first priority, you know."
"I can see that." Floyd's grin turned into a gentle smile. "Branch, I want you to do how proud I am of you."
Branch shifted uncomfortably. "For what?"
"Getting along. Without us. Even before you had your true colors back. You dealth with Grandma..." Floyd gulped. "Well, you dealt with that all alone. And you still went on."
"Barely." Branch shrugged. "If it wasn't for Poppy, I don't know where I'd be right now."
"Well, it wasn't just Poppy." Floyd looked straight into Branch's blue eyes. "Poppy isn't in control of you changing, Branch. That's almost all you. She may have changed you, but you let her. And that's why you're here now, dating the Queen of the Pop Trolls."
Branch flushed.
Floyd chuckled. "I remember the day you were born. Clay made ten lame jokes about you right away, laughing at them by himself, Bruce seemed to be grumpy because you had blue eyes when he had always wanted them, and John looked like he wanted to die because he now had four brothers instead of three. But I knew right away, you were something special, Branch."
"I'm not that special," Branch said. But he couldn't stop smiling. "Oh, there's Poppy and Viva!"
They were in front of Poppy's pod, doing backflips in the grass, giggling like crazy.
"Oh, man, they're gonna break their necks!" Branch rushed to them. "Poppy, wait, don't--!!"
Floyd laughed, watching. Then he looked at Viva. She was laughing at Branch as well, giving him a teasing push, and he turned on her and tweaked a blonde curl, grinning, something he had grown to do lately as he as now as close to her as his brothers.
Branch knew a lot about Viva already because he hung around Poppy so much. Floyd wondered if he was close enough to her to be able to jokingly tweak a curl.
No, definitely not. But it would be fun to have a friend like that. And he hadn't had very many since he went to Mount Rageous.
Suddenly, an idea popped in his head. It sounded alright. Would Viva think so?
He smiled and walked toward her calmly, on a mission.
...
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