#I SHOULDN’T FEEL THIS WAY

[litteralytoriatp]

It’s only you and I who exist, because how can you be real yet be such a shit person. 

#i shouldn’t feel this way #i don’t understand #existence #emotions

[whatifyouleftme]

I have a stupid crush on someone.

I shouldn’t. I had a small boost in therapy today where I realized I can have hope for the future. It sounds silly but I can allow myself to dream beyond the day’s goals and hope to achieve big things.

I get butterflies when I think about her. She’s the first person in a long time that made me feel like this. I’ve had friends who were understanding of my situation or were good at listening to me or stuff like that. She’s the first person who wouldn’t leave my mind and I would be worried[?] for. Like I have anxious questions like is she okay, is she doing well with her courses, is she getting home safely, etc…

It’s so silly. Her focus is on school and research. She doesn’t need someone like me bothering her beyond what’s needed to help her with those things. I… I want to go on a hike with her.

I’m going to go to the gym and do the stair master. I’m gonna run. I’m gonna work out.

I need to be able to keep up with her. I need to be able to be more than I am right now. She doesn’t need me. She’s doing great.

I just… I felt happy hearing her say she was behind me when I went to the area to study.

She sees my vulnerable side. She and I ate ramen. This is nothing. These are what friends do. I..

I can’t think of a life with her. She is a colleague and friend.

But god, do I think about her. I always get slightly happy when I see her.

She said I am her person. When it comes to social situations, she uses me as a person. She said I seem to get her. I don’t want to ruin anything. We barely talked about anything deep.

I don’t eat organs. I didn’t grow up with grandparents. I am an alcoholic. I am overweight. I have bad skin. I have a soft personality. I’m not protective. I am scary at times.

I am not worth her time beyond being friends.

She doesn’t need me.

This is just a crush and nothing needs to come out of it. Gosh, do I love hearing her explain things. The smug smile she has when she’s right. The excited look she has when she has a question or tests out her answers. I want to want to relieve her stress and help her figure out what works best for her issues with work or homework. I want to be someone she can always come to for help. I’m nobody. I don’t have a clean room.

I don’t even have sheets on my bed. I don’t take care of myself. She needs someone who can go on hikes with her. She needs someone who can drive.

I am a fool for having feelings for her. Oh my god, I feel so awkward.

#diary #personal #life #crush #love #future #foolish #I shouldn’t feel this way #friends

[deliquesblog]

i don’t wish for someone just because you have her.

i just wish i had you.

and i wish i didn’t; i’m trying not to.

#fuck this shit #my chest is heavy again #i wanna cry #i hate this so much #i feel so helpless #i feel jealous #i shouldn’t feel this way #coping #trying my best #help me #my friends are tired #they don’t want to hear me talk about him #he’s tired of me #my love has nowehere to go #it’s saddening #:( #poetry #feelings #quotes #memories #random thoughts #written by me

[baekk-hhyun]

It’s that time of the month and I’m feeling sick and will arrive late to one my classes and I’m just thinking what my mother will say 😑 like she doesn’t even get angry, I just get her feeling disappointed

#it’s so dumb #i shouldn’t feel this way #but I do

[thattheater-kid]

Figuring out that I was aplatonic made so much sense.

I’ve never made a friend on my own. All the friends I’ve made approached me and made me their friend, or I met through friends. I’ve never felt a desire to have friends. Even as a child I never felt I needed them, which made adults think there was something wrong with me and peers think I was stuck up, thinking I was “too good” to be friends with them. I was seen as a mean person. Adults pulled me aside to ask me why I was by myself, and I told them I didn’t like people. I told them I didn’t want to be around people. I said there were more important things to worry about. This got me sent to school counselors, who would ask me why I pushed people away and didn’t want friends and I didn’t have a reason. I enjoy my friends’ company, but I don’t miss them when I’m away. I never understood why it mattered so much, even as a kid. I always preferred to be alone, honestly. I thought for the longest time it was related to being autistic and ADHD, and maybe it is to an extent, but I simply never liked people and never had a desire to be friends with them.

I’d already known I was aroace. I never felt a desire to have sexual or romantic relationships. I never saw a point. I felt no attraction towards anyone and had no desire to. My life was enjoyable without it. Once I learned about aromanticism and asexuality, I understood that that was what I am.

However, aroace spaces put so much emphasis on platonic love that I never felt like I really belonged in the aroace community. I felt like I was still weird and gross. I felt like a freak who was destined to be alone, someone who could never be fulfilled and would always be missing something. I felt like a freak in my own community because I felt no love. I didn’t feel platonic love or attraction and frankly didn’t want to.

I found the word “aplatonic”. Someone who feels no platonic love or attraction. Now I understand that’s who I am, and that’s not a bad thing. My life is no worse without love. I’m not missing something. I still live a fulfilling life. I’m still human.

#by extent I also feel no desire to form queer platonic relationships with anyone #this is no hate to aroace people who do feel platonic love and do value it #I just don’t #and feel that we shouldn’t put so much emphasis on it #and use it as some way to justify being aroace #as if feeling no love is bad #aroace #aromantic #asexual #aplatonic #triple a battery #aroaceapl #aspec

[mazojo]

I wish the ultimatum had a period where the couples go to therapy

#because marriage is a HUGE step and you shouldn’t take it lightly and sometimes I feel like they get caught up in the moment they don’t thin #of the future. specially if it means raising kids and everything that’s a huge commitment and I el like a therapist could be a great way to #help them shape the path they are looking for #they don’t even have to show it on camera just…. let them go to therapy and talk about how it helped #but netflix and reality shows don’t really give a shit about these people so that would never happen 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ #AnYways Chile Mal and Sam my beloved they have not done anything wrong ever my beloveds #this is so messy bro I eat this shit up #the ultimatum queer love #the ultimatum

[helios-two]

dude what the hell is going on in this reading room

#disco elysium #steban the student communist #i just. 🏳️‍🌈❓ #this #the slap #‘it’s sweet how excited you are’ #that yank fest line #uli's whole revolutionary musk thing #the way steban will at points just start bossing ulixes around #i mean i feel like i shouldn’t even be watching this it feels private

[blueboyluca]

Feels pretty ludicrous that we talk about dog welfare in sports and the ethics of competing with dogs and what not but at the same event we just get spoon fed the glorification of using dogs in active police duty and we’re all just like yes this is totally normal and good actually 👍

#Crufts #Crufts24 #dogs shouldn’t be used to uphold the police state #That’s Just The Way I Feel

[designernishiki]

it’s kinda funny to me how that dumb scene in kiwami 1 of majima getting shot and left for dead in the harbor was basically just added as a half-assed way to explain majima not being around for a bit of the plot, but they accidentally(?) just made it seem like start of a chain reaction where majima ended up feeling slighted and heartbroken after being abandoned like that and then lashed out about it via smashing a big truck into the building kiryu was in. and yeah that isn’t inherently a romantic thing as-is but then they go and add the part where majima grabs a hostess and performatively hits on her as in-kiryu’s-face as possible, she says she’s already in love with someone, and majima lets her go immediately, no questions asked, making a big fucking point of it just to say see THAT kiryu? I appreciate when people are HONEST about their FEELINGS. people who won’t just BACKSTAB someone who CARES about them to save themselves. is that so crazy kiryu?? huh??? anyway make it up to me get down here and fight me right fucking now

#I think on another level he was sorta saying like ‘hey kiryu. you’re making it extremely clear that you don’t trust me and my intentions #and I’ve been trying to show you- over and over again- that I’d do just about anything for you and your safety #but I can’t just let my mask fall off in front of everyone- I need to keep up the unpredictable morally grey wildcard act for both my sake #AND yours. because disguising my helping you as crazy random violent outbursts and weird stalker behavior #is the only way I CAN help you. do you think it would go over well with shimano or literally anyone else if I was outright helping you out #of the kindness of my heart and fondness for you? stop being so fucking dense and look past the crazy wacky nonsense for a second and #maybe you’ll realize that all I do at the end of the day- really- is help you and put my own life and reputation on the line for you. #I am an honest guy when it comes to my real values and when I told you I wouldn’t let anyone kill you unelss it was myself- I meant it. #I’ve taken a knife and a bullet for you now. can you REALLY not see through the act yet? am I REALLY that unpredictable when you think about #it?’ #that was a longer explanation than i intended but. it was difficult to put into words #I basically feel like it could be read as him implying kiryu shouldn’t backstab the people who put themselves on the line to help him #and/or pointing out that he’s never actually done kiryu dirty and has stuck to his word protecting him in the ways he can #trying to say yeah all this is a crazy act and all but when it comes down to it you Can trust me #it really makes sense when you think about it that he’d have to help kiryu/show affection towards kiryu in unpredictable convoluted ways #at that point in time because. I mean. there’s a reason he was the only person who showed up to welcome kiryu when he got out of prison #and that’s because A) he sticks to his word and his loyalty to people he cares about and B) no one else had the balls or the batshit insane #mask to wear to ward off anyone asking real questions like majima did. because ANYONE associating themselves with the supposed #patriarch-killer was a HUGE NO-NO at the time. someone important showing up for kiryu and welcoming him back outright could’ve caused #all-out warfare probably. except majima. because majima was dedicated and smart enough to use his widely-feared wildcard persona #(that everyone tended to view as incapable of having any Real agenda to worry about) to his And kiryu’s advantage #does that make sense??? I feel like it makes a lot of sense if you get it to click in your head #kazumaji #majima #kiryu #yakuza #kiwami 1 #yk1 #rambling

[literaryspinster]

I don’t know who needs to hear this but

Sky dying was Viktor’s fault and him covering it up was bad actually.

#anti viktor arcane #i like him but the way y’all coddle that man is a LOT #arcane #arcane league of legends #sky young #you can tell me something bad that one of my faves did but I already know #it’s HIS fans that seem to think he’s above any criticism #literally no one is #and having to see over and over again how this Brown woman dying horribly wasn’t on him… #it’s white boy stanning at its most insidious #that would be like me saying jayce killing that boy wasn’t his fault and he shouldn’t feel bad when it was and he should #they were clear parallels #even happened in the same episode #come on now #sometimes good people do bad things it doesn’t make them irredeemable #but they do need to be held accountable

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i’m trying my hardest to not act how i feel

#tw: directed fp vent #it feels like you don’t love me anymore #even when i’m in the same room as you.. it’s so heartbreaking to watch you bond with other people when you should be giving me the attention #all i want is you to show me you love me when we’re alone #it’s the only time we have together.. just us.. but you go and play games with your friends on discord while i chill in the background #taking stab after stab every time you laugh or say you love them #i know we’re not partners so i shouldn’t feel this way but i fucking do #and i want you.. more than i’ve ever wanted anyone in my life #you just never seem to understand why i get so upset #it’s because I WANT YOU #all to myself #i should be the center of your mind.. like you are in mine #it just.. fuck it sucks being in love with someone so oblivious and against it #idk how to tag this #bpd vent #bpd fp #actually bpd #actually mentally ill #actually borderline #bpd favorite person #bpd shitposting #bpd #bpd problems #bpd mood #i would but the tag beloved.txt with this but i don’t really want to put it there if he ever finds out the tag about him

[sophfandoms53]

I think one of the weirdest thing to me about Helluva Boss is how they keep proving that Striker is right but at the same time they refuse to let Striker himself be right.

Someone on twitter pointed out that in Oops Striker talks about it being an embarrassment to imp kind that Fizz is a purse-dog to his over-bloated master, and then, while Striker might’ve been referring to Ozzie (although the use of over-bloated makes me wonder if he truly meant Mammon), the entirety of the next episode is all about Fizz saying fuck you to Mammon (his master) and quitting his job because he doesn’t wanna be exploited or abused anymore.

And this just reminded me how in the first season they had Striker say to Blitz “Starting with the one that treats you like a plaything.” about Stolas’ treatment towards him in Harvest Moon and then in Truth Seekers (the next episode) they literally had Stolas say “Who dare threaten my impish little plaything.”

I don’t know if this parallel is on purpose but that’s twice now where in back to back episodes in each season Striker has a made a point about the hierarchy in his episode and then the following episode goes out of its way to prove his point.

I just think it’s odd how they prove that he is right in other character’s storylines but in Striker’s own storyline he’s like not allowed to have a win despite everything around him saying he should.

#idk i just have a lot of thoughts about the way striker’s story is handled #ik it probably doesn’t matter bc he’s a villain in the narrative #but I think he’s so interesting okay😭 #i just feel like striker being a villain shouldn’t negate that he IS right #but also bc he is a villain people don’t pay attention to his dialogue and won’t notice these things #like I swear no one listened to anything he said in western energy despite him saying sm about his struggles #drives me up the walllllll #why couldn’t i be obsessed with a main character #noo the cowboy had to catch my attention #we strugging out here striker nation LMAO #helluva boss #helluva boss striker #striker helluva boss #helluva boss fizzarolli #helluva boss blitz #helluva boss blitzo #helluva boss stolas

[iamsonormalaboutninjago]

Oh wow look at that it’s like my petition hasn’t been taken down cause yk it isn’t hateful and doesn’t demand for the writers to be at the whims of some idiots who think Kai should’ve been the green ninja

My petition tho is still gonna remain up- so if you wanna support it go sign to make Cole to first canon gay main character in Ninjago! :D

#makecolegay

#also I realize that making Cole not gay and making him canonically gay are both in the vein of forcing the writers to chose for Cole #yet multiple writers and people working on ninjago have came out to say that they support Lostshipping #as well in the show they basically act like a couple already #just not in name #the purpose behind my petition is to show the writers that we want for them to state they’re gay #instead of just implying it #it’s more powerful when presented that way #and I wanna show them that they shouldn’t have to be worried about what people will think of them making that choice #if it gets to a point where it feels like I’m forcing the writers to do something I’ll stop the petition #I don’t ever wanna force them to do something they don’t want to #that’s not cool #savemyboycole #ninjago #lego ninjago #dragons rising #ninjago dragons rising s2 #ninjago dragons rising #cole x geo #geodeshipping #makecolegay #ninjago cole #cole brookstone

[jankwritten]

I think that Jason has a stuffed animal that one of his guardians in New Rome have to him when he was a baby. A wolf or a fox or some other dog/cat-like creature - maybe even a stuffed hellhound or something, something that he rediscovers on accident while in the 5th Cohort’s barracks, something that makes him sit down on the floor holding it in his hands and cry, for some reason, something he can’t even remember but he knows was important to him once upon a time.

#pjo #jason grace #hoo #definitely not brought on by my own comfort object being a stuffed white rabbit I’ve had since literally the day I was born #if I ever lost her I think I would burn the whole world to the ground #but Jason definitely was taught that boys shouldn’t like stuffed toys like that do he just secretly kept his instead #I feel like he had 2-3 sets of guardians who would look after him and each one had completely different ways of parenting #which just makes him feel more alone and alienated because he was never perfect enough for any of them either

[cadaverousdecay]

i’m so overwhelmed by things that shouldn’t be overwhelming...

#among them‚ i’ve fallen behind on drscula dauly for the first time this year and it’s stressing me out cuz i really really wanted to keep up #this year that was the one goal i had for the year is keep up with it. last year i fell way behind when my brother died and it was so hard #catching up and the entry on the 30th was a little longer than they’ve been recently and i’ve been busy and also slipping back into depressi #on real bad and i’m just not in the mood for it and i feel like it’s just gonna snowball #and this is such a non issue. it’s a book. that i’ve read before. but still it’s just stressing me out. among other things #like library books that are overdue and i haven’t finished or journal entries i want to write or a letter i’ve been wanting so badly to writ #e and a short story idea that i wanted to write down but is escaping me and fucking. tumblr notifications #these are non issues!!! but it feels like there’s a timer for the world to end again all the same. #ugh #and i should be able to focus on one thing and get it done! these things shouldn’t be hard! they’re even meant to be enjoyable! but i can’t #get myself to do anything lately #and on top of all that i’m not able to fall asleep even with my sleep meds. #what even ever‚‚‚ #anyway sorry for the rant i’m basically fine

[nympippi]

The next one on my list is Robin Arellano!!!

He likes rock n roll, milkshakes, and watching scary movies!

In this au, Robin definitely is trying to block out everything that happened to him. Any mention of the grabber and he’s changing the subject, and is uncomfortable.

He tries very hard to not be affected by it, to not think about how he couldn’t kill the bastard who did that to him, but in the end it does effect him. It effects him a lot.

Robin can’t stand the scars on his forearms, they’re always going to remind him of what he “failed” to do in his mind, something he knows isn’t his fault but can’t help but blame himself for. He doesn’t wear his bandannas anymore after having to see his cut up and bloodied one from his own kidnapping be put in an evidence bag.

He tries everything to forget what happened to him, to try and be stronger, and better in case there’s another grabber out there.

Robin blames himself a lot for what happened, he doesn’t know how or why it is but he just knows it is his fault that Finn was kidnapped, it was his fault that he couldn’t kill the grabber, it was his fault that he was kidnapped because he should’ve known better, and it was his fault for getting murdered…

He tries to keep it inside and tries to look unaffected and happy like he used to be but like all the others, Robin is a traumatized child who didn’t know any better and that is something that infuriates him.

#pippi art #the black phone fandom #the black phone #the black phone fanart #necromancer finney au #robin arellano #tbp robin #robin arellano fanart #Finn braids robins hair after he stopped wearing his bandanna #robin also doesn’t tell finn how he’s feeling after all this but finn knows. he somehow always knows #he wears the bandannas on his wrists to cover up the self defense wounds he has #the other boys try to always comfort him though. they always try for robin #Vance tries to always remind him that it wasn’t his fault and that he shouldn’t think that it is #I think Robin eventually does stop feeling this way but it never fully goes away. but he has a support system that cares and loves him #I got an ask way back when and it was basically talking about how #If Robin were to admit he was scared and that he wasn’t strong enough then he failed his dads memory and failed everything he’s built his #own self image on #I think about that a lot and I’m gonna post it later because holy fuck it’s a damn good ask #that this whole post is credited to #but yeah hope y’all enjoy