#I absolutely approached it differently

[holly-fixation]

Damaged Doll: Chapter 3

Summary: Angeal and Zack discover a man in all black trapped under boulders in the mountains near Icicle Village. They notice things are extremely wrong about this man, but one thing demands their attention: mako blue eyes with slit pupils. Sephiroth will want to see this. And meeting him only raises more questions than answers. But what happens when this blonde is face to face with the silver general himself?

Based on this prompt by @im-totally-not-an-alien

Please Enjoy!

Chapter 3: A Link

A short pause filled the room, snake like eyes bearing into each other, one with utter obsession, the other with incurable curiosity. 

Sephiroth’s throat hitched, despite all of his planning, all of his preparation. It was his mother, the woman he was punished for asking about. The connection he never had but desperately needed, no matter how many times he was told he was better, different, and had no need for such pointless connections. He could finally learn about his mother. He took one last breath to clear it before asking, “How do you know my mother’s name?” He hoped this would be the least complicated question, or at least the least complicated answer he’d receive tonight. “How do you know my mother is Jenova?”

“It’s the name you know, therefore the name she took,” He answered simply, like that explained anything, “Your hair and the shape of your eyes are the same as hers.”

He knew he should be smarter than this, much more cautious of the abnormal answer, but a childish longing held his rational mind hostage as he answered mindlessly, “She looked like me?”

He nodded. 

“What was she like…?” His voice was small, and he received an almost caring, empathetic look from the blonde.

“Powerful. Intelligent. A tactician. A savior to so many.” He paused as he hunted for an answer. “…She was caring. Kind. Beautiful.” A wistful expression claimed the patient’s slitted eyes, which, peculiarly, expanded like a cat’s in the dark. “You’re so much like her, My prince.”

The general forced down the bubble of warmth from the comparison calmly, attempting to focus on his goal. “How did you know her?” 

“Your mother created me.” He answered truthfully, but that wasn’t possible. His age seemed about the same as Sephiroth’s. 

“‘Created’?”

Cloud lifted his head in confusion for a moment before nodding. “Yes. She created me from the stone and glass in the north.”

Sephiroth only raised a brow, but Cloud did not continue. 

Instead, he returned to a different topic, a bit of explanation before he planned to continue his answer evident in his voice. “When your mother came to this planet, she-”

“Stop,” He ordered in bewilderment, shaking his head and hands softly in wait, gaining instant silence. He always showed more emotion when it came to his mother. “‘This Planet’?”

The blonde looked down, folding his hands neatly in his lap before raising his eyes hesitantly. “Forgive me, My prince, I must ask...” it was the first time his voice faltered in front of Sephiroth, matching his currently fractured state. “What do you know of your mother…?”

Sephiroth’s heart dropped at the question, his confusion replaced with the ever gaping hole in his chest. The color vanished from his face. “Her name was Jenova. And she died giving birth to me.” He did not meet the gaze of the patient as he finished, refusing to see the reaction to the statement he told no one before, “That’s all I know.” He closed his eyes to center himself, and he heard the patient breathe deeply in thought, analysis, interrogation, determination. 

“Yet you’ve come so far…” Was that surprise, the smallest hint, in the raspy voice? Then it was back to steel, the solid tone he only used to Him. “...Your mother would be proud.” 

Sephiroth’s chest warmed again, and with a nearly sad expression on his face, he didn’t fight it.

“Please, let me explain, My prince.” 

He sighed softly and nodded, his signal to continue. 

The blonde completely understood. “Your mother was not from this planet.” Sephiroth nearly jerked in question, and though he did not ask, the blonde knew exactly what he wanted to know. “The humans would call her an alien, but she is so much more than an extraterrestrial.” His change in tense was noticed, but the general swallowed to soothe his inquiring mind, despite the cautiousness slowly stirring within. “She was a godsend. Multiple planets would call out to her when their beings were in danger due to the lifeforms they could not control. And after aiding them, she ruled them as queen. This planet, the Lifestream itself, cried. And she answered.”

Sephiroth opened and closed his mouth once, like a guppy, too many questions colliding that only one stuttered to escape. “H-How?”

“A meteor. I believe…the crater should still be there.”

“The Northern Crater?”

Cloud nodded. “Yes.”

The silver general shook his head, denying this explanation. This was nonsense, a terrible waste of time. You're insane. Completely insane or delusional. After the state he was found in, the general wasn’t surprised, just disappointed. Perhaps it was brain damage from the boulders. Perhaps it was the unspecified length of solitude. Perhaps he was never well, and that’s how he ended up in that cave in the first place.

“My prince, please wait,” The blonde begged when Sephiroth took a step toward the door, and the general gave him a tired look. “Please, I speak the truth, but it…” He trailed off, then closed his eyes and breathed. “It may not seem possible today. This world has changed so much. But your mother remains the same. Please, what other questions do you have about her?”

Is he using my own mother to justify this asinine story? Is he trying to control me just because our eyes are the same? The slightest counter shone out of the inhuman eyes.

Cloud’s eyes widened in defeat, before he closed the lids and bowed his head, dread settling in his features as the fire dwindled. “I have bothered you. I’ll stop…”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Sephiroth stated suddenly, even surprising himself with the burst of his thoughts before turning to the blonde with a cold expression. One last chance. “Tell me something I don’t know.” That’s even remotely possible, the silent half of his sentence was caught as well.

Cloud took a pained breath, then paused, analyzing his mind and the room for what he could believably explain. “...Do you truly believe your mother is dead…?”

His heart dropped, the hook ripping through his walls and reeling him in completely.

“How many times were you told…?”

“Once.” His eyes winced closed, the memory excruciating as it overwhelmed every cell in his body, dragging him down to the depths of the suppressed and fragile mind. Back to a little boy, stronger than any machine or monster they threw at him, special and different and above all else, though he never believed it. He was barely strong enough, barely as strong as they wanted, finally making his… finally making someone proud of him.

He’d be leaving for Wutai in a week, his life no longer dictated by every word out of Hojo’s cruel mouth. He’d be the first SOLDIER, out of the lab, in the field, in the real world. 

Maybe he’d finally feel rain. 

But Hojo, for the first time in his life, offered him a gift, any gift within reason, the only shred of joy the scientist ever offered. The opportunity. 

“Make your decision while I'm feeling sentimental, boy.”

Though he fidgeted in his spot as he thought, the minute of silence that passed did not change his question. He prepared for the argument, the yelling he couldn’t capture in his throat when Hojo inevitably went back on the deal after hearing what he wanted. Clothes, weapons, equipment, he wanted none of those things, nothing material. He took a breath before forcing his eyes to the scientist. 

“...Okay. I’ve made my choice.”

He felt the gaze burn through the black glasses as the scientist crossed his arms, an annoyed gesture to tell him to continue.

One more breath. One last attempt at steeling himself. “I want to know about my parents.” He felt the white hot burn from the white reflection in the back glasses in his heart. “Both of them. That’s the only thing I want.”

Hojo nearly stood and tensed in response, analyzing him, calculating his mind. The glare and pause nearly stung his skin, but he refused to back down. “You’re better than this. You know you’re better than this.”

“It’s not an attachment-”

“Then what is it, boy?” The scientist spat. “Is it curiosity? Is that the lie you’re about to tell me? That you don’t care about the answer? You ‘just’ want to know?”

Like glass, cracking at the force of the words. “I won’t ask again… Please… Just once...” He nearly whined, his voice as small as a field mouse. “That’s all I want…”

He couldn’t read the expression on the professor’s face. He didn’t know what to prepare for. The silence felt like an eternity. And when the professor moved a hand slowly, he actively forced his eyes to remain on his target. 

“You get one gift,” the scientist seethed while holding up an index finger. “So choose. Which parent do you ‘care’,” the professor nearly gagged at the thought, “about more?”

He froze at the challenge, his anxious movement vanished into ice, a shocked look on his face, his mouth agape and his eyes accusatory. He had to pick between his mother or his father? When he’d never know either? How would he know if he made the right decision? Hojo’s mind was made up. He knew there was no room for argument. Why would Hojo do this to him?

“Which one, Sephiroth?”

Glass. 

“Make a choice.”

Glass.

“Pick already.”

Clear as a window.

“My mother!” He spat out so quickly the scientist flinched and tilted a head ever so slightly in confusion. “My mother. I choose my mother...” His strength failed him and his eyes fell to the ground, guilt pumping through his veins. Why did Hojo make him choose? Why…? He kept his eyes down until Hojo spoke again, his mouth dry as a bone. 

“Her name was Jenova.”

Sephiroth’s blue eyes widened as he repeated the name for the first time. “Jenova...”

“Yes.” The scientist spat. “And she died. Giving birth to you.”

He didn’t see a shred of lie or truth beyond the black glasses. He tried to breathe, he tried to speak, but he was spellbound by the guilt in his heart and the scientist dangling the organ over a floor of swords, always ready to drop. It made sense, why he never saw her, why he didn’t have a single memory of her. It hurt. Gods it hurt, his chest tightening, but he had to keep trying, anything he could get. He swallowed hard, his hand twitching in shock. “What was she like…?”

The scientist scoffed. “No.” 

Why? Why not? 

“No, I gave you your gift. That’s all.”

“But-!”

“Don’t pull this on me,” Hojo growled. “I answered your question, now go.”

He instinctually stepped toward the man. “Please, Hojo!”

“Step back, Sephiroth.”

But he couldn’t stop his mindless pleading and eyes from watering when he moved One. Step. Closer. “Please!”

The last memory forced upon him was the crack against his cheek, that sent him stumbling back despite all his strength. 

When Sephiroth finally returned to reality, finally outside the prison of his memories, he found himself standing at the center of the same room, but with the blonde’s arms wrapped around him and pulled tightly to him. A hug. He glanced at the clock for confirmation. Only a few seconds had passed. Maybe five, or ten? Did he...dissociate? This has never happened before.

“Who did this to you, My prince?” was all he spoke, embers growing to a small flame. He was shorter, the soldier realized, the first time he stood for anyone, his head politely pulled away from the opening of skin in the leather jacket, the palms of his yellow hair softly brushing the soldier’s chin.

Sephiroth was at a loss for words. 

“You do not need to explain anything. Please answer when you’re ready. Who did this to you?” Cloud tightened his grip, his posture a rock, a ground to focus his prince. 

The silver general, the silver soldier, the first SOLDIER, the little boy cowering away from the experiments, the tiny kid crying from each failure, each break, each cut, each bruise, every emotion in his very being screamed over the whisper of logic trying to break through. His arms moved impulsively, like a desperate child, starved for attention and affection, and gripped the shoulders of the injured blonde across the smaller body. 

Cloud did not ask again, but patted the space on the back between the large pauldrons, petting the space of leather soothingly. 

Then he found himself removing one hand and pulling the blonde to his chest, with no resistance. It felt…nice, to have someone so close to him, the vaguest memory of a stuffed chocobo dashing through his mind, the fluff of the fur delicate and comforting. The similar color almost coaxed him into leaning his face into the dandelion of hair, perhaps even breathing in a scent of something other than this solitary lab. So many memories…why now? He searched his thoughts for an answer, the silence only aiding his tracking mind.

…his mother. It tied to her, didn’t it? Whether the blonde was telling the truth he sought all his life, or a story fabricated by a tortured and damaged mind, he didn't know. He did not believe the tale, of course, but he felt a connection. A deep connection. 

“...Hojo did this…” His deep voice boomed softly, and the blonde only nodded in confirmation. The only noise in the room was their tensioned breaths and the occasional beep of the medical machines. Maybe a minute of peace passed through them. 

But then they felt something, and Sephiroth let go and took a step back as they both glared at the observation window. The speaker in the ceiling clicked on.

“Apologies.” That was absolutely a new hire, stuck on the absolute worst shift for specimen monitorization: zero-hundred to zero-seven-hundred hours. “Visiting hours are 9AM to 12AM, and the patient should not be standing. Please help the patient return to the bed, then leave the room. Thank you.” Another click notified the shut off of the microphone and speaker. 

The blonde’s head was bowed again. “Forgive me.”

His silver brows knotted in confusion as his gaze returned to the blonde. “For what?” Only now did he realize the blonde was balanced on one foot, the damaged leg dangling in the air.

“I disobeyed your order to stay in bed.”

Sephiroth shook his head. “Don’t apologize. Here,” He stepped toward the blonde with his hands out, “Let me help.”

Cloud shook his head and held his arms out to stop him. “My prince, I can’t let you- nh-” He was already lifted and back in the bed before he could finish, grabbing his sides to soothe the pain from movement and failing at concealing his low, pained grunt.

“Are your ribs okay?” The soldier asked, scanning the other set of eyes for the truth. 

The blonde nodded quickly. “Yes. Thank you, My prince.”

Sephiroth cringed at another use of the faux title. “Please don’t call me that.” He moved to the exit.

Cloud tilted his head, and spoke as the door slid open. “What would you like to be called?”

“My name,” Sephiroth spoke softly, too tired, too confused as to what just happened to continue, why it happened, and left the patient alone in the hospital-like room. 

* * *  

Hojo. Will. Die. For the pain he caused My prince. But he had to be careful. He was strong enough to kill the scientist if he got close, but he wasn’t strong enough to get away with it. It angered him greatly, his hands itching to break holes in the wall. Whatever his prince had to endure as a child still haunted his prince now. But he had to control these impulses. He would not make the same mistake again. His prince deserved the perfection he failed to give his queen. Now he needed to weld the connection they both shared. He already looked back fondly on the moment in the middle of the night, finally treated as what he was. He was a weapon for her use. But he was also a tool for comfort. A toy for a child, a stuffed animal to hold for safety. Cloud almost smiled at the memory as he stared at the walls. But he was still being watched. Again. 

When the scientist, no… when Hojo finally entered, Cloud was informed he should not attempt anything with his leg for at least a month. But the longer he’s weakend, the longer that bastard lives. 

However, the scientist raised a hand and made a gesture toward the room through the one way glass. Almost immediately, the door opened to a young girl with red hair in mostly black clothing, a rougher fabric than what he was given. She adjusted a white bag in her hands, and nodded to the professor upon entry. 

“She’s a part of the Turks,” Hojo explained. “An elite program, a type of special forces here. They investigate, interrogate, exterminate, basically whatever we see fit,” He spoke with power behind the ‘T’, then gestured to the woman. “This is Cissnei. She’ll be teaching you everything you need to know.”

Cloud carefully moved his eyes to the scientist. “What specifically…?”

“Well, what you’ve missed the past two thousand years,” he stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “We can’t expect you to assimilate into our society easily, but perhaps you can find someplace with more knowledge. In return for my research, of course.”

His predatory eyes narrowed for a fraction of a second before he returned to calm and collected. “Very well...”

He scribbled something before clipping the pen to the board. “Glad you agree. Now excuse me.” Then he left, without another glance to either of them, though Cloud watched his location, even through the mirrored window. 

The red haired girl approached him while he wasn't looking, and she only met his eyes when she was an inch away from the bed, gently placing the bag in his lap. “These are the clothes you were found in. We highly recommend excluding your pants to let your leg heal.”

Cloud was already opening the back like a child with a gift, pulling out his coat first and analyzing the sown scratches. 

“We had them cleaned and repaired. We hope you’re satisfied.” She took the open seat as he continued to scan, frowning as he ran his thumb along the new patches.

Then he looked up to her and moved the clothes to his side. “Thank you...”

She nodded in response. “They said your throat will take another day or two to fully heal. After that it shouldn’t hurt so much to talk.”

He nodded in appreciation. Then he noticed her gloves. Both black, but only one covered her whole hand. She was a part of some kind of special force, right? The Turks? “What kind of weapon requires those gloves…?”

Cissnei had to look down at them to notice what he was talking about. She didn't think about them anymore. “Oh, these?” she held them up for a better view. “They’re the most effective for using a large shuriken.”

He tilted his head, so she elaborated. 

“A type of throwing star.” She scanned him as well. “Do you know what that is?”

He shook his head. 

“Well,” she almost laughed, “Then let’s start your lessons there.”

Cloud appreciated her aid, kindly smiling as she explained whatever she knew about their world, with him asking questions as she went on. But he hated where this aid came from. He needed to learn about this changed world, yes, and she seemed kind enough. Yet she is tied to her job. Perhaps learning her loyalty to this special program would aid him in his coming cover-up. He needed an opportunity, and he still needed it while he looked innocent. No more mistakes. No more failures. Everything must be perfectly clean. Not a drop of blood will tie back to him.

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Thanks for reading! 

Author's Notes: New baby Sephiroth content will not change this story. I already finished that section before the announcement. Though I am EXTREMELY excited to see the little Babyroth! (Check tags for more notes)

#final fantasy vii #ff7 #ffvii #cloud strife #sephiroth #jenova #final fantasy 7 #thanks for reading!! hope you enjoy!! #professor hojo #cissnei of the turks #i love taking an eternity to figure out how to write a conversation #or just go 'we doin this now' #and need to adapt #Cloud: you're an alien #Sephiroth: do you need medication? #Cloud and sephiroth in this chapter are Interesting to say the least #can you tell I really enjoyed 'a monster's threads'? #I didn't steal! #I absolutely approached it differently #You know how Ink Clouds tortured Sephiroth with memories of the future? #I swear I didn’t think about this until after I wrote the flashback and reaction #I do not think that far ahead lol #Cloud actually acts like a doll a little! #he wants to cause comfort #but he also kills so… #Our poor screwed up chocobo boy!

[buckttommy]

this isn't a horny post but. has buck even... seen a hard penis before that was not his own? like yeah yeah porn but. that's not really the same is it. not when you're not even looking. not when you don't even know that you want to look. like for all intents and purposes buck is completely virginal here and that's. ummm. that's a lot.

#like. oh. oh he's such a baby. he really is a BABY gay like sweet boy. you know nothing #you are about to get your entire perception of life and your body and your inner being absolutely fucking rearranged #especially the perception of his life like. for 30+ years he has lived in one world and it only took one kiss. one handful of seconds to no #just *change* that world but transport him to a completely different one. #everything is going to be different. from the way he approaches his politics (because it means something different when you're actually #fighting for your OWN rights) and the way he approaches his body like. and that's the real kicker for me is like #buck knows his body. he knows what he likes and this that and the other #but he doesn't actually KNOW his body because he doesn't know ALL the ways that it can feel #and all the ways that it can make HIM feel #he has not yet tasted the way his body can electrify him and render him undone and it's like #it truly is like he's becoming another person #and i know that's cheesy to say but this really is like being born again. #oh my god. i'm actively falling asleep. i don't know if this makes sense. you guys get the picture

[daisywords]

it's.....

yeah I eventually want to publish but what I think a lot of non-writers don't understand is that Being An Author is not the point.

The story is the point. I write because my wip concepts interest me. I want to take the fine threads of this story in my head and weave them into something real. And part of that is making it into something shareable, something that someone else could read. The goal of someday publishing/sharing your work in some form makes the whole process more driven, the same way that volleyball is just more fun when you keep score.

So yes I write and yes I'd like to publish but that doesn't mean publishing is all there is. It's not about winning, it's about playing to win. And that's a crucial difference to me.

So it's actually not encouraging when people are like oh stop being a perfectionist! don't you just want to get something out there? Don't you just want to get your name out into the world?

No! I'm not writing books just so I can put "published author" in my LinkedIn bio! I'm not here just for some soundbite indicator of success. I'm going to publish my book when it's good and ready, even if it takes years and years more to simmer. And if it's a success, that's great! But it's also a success right now, because I'm having fun! I'm engaging in a fulfilling hobby! I'm experiencing an entirely unique lens of living! I'm working with a purpose!

So if you want to talk to me about my writing career, you could at least, you know, ask what the book is about, thank you very much.

#this is just my opinion/experience #I know that lots of people have different approaches and goals #and there's absolutely nothing wrong with writing for the money #mostly just still grinding my teeth about a not great conversation from last week

[ariadne-mouse]

I love that after treating Colin as less than an equal and trying to intimidate him prior to their parting of ways, Deli is clearly the one more affected by meeting again and seeing how Colin has comfortably moved on and found comradeship (or at least allyship) with Raphaniel. Like Colin was a little salty about the skald comments, but in that wonderfully understated "i care just enough to say something because you're wrong" way, a minor injury compared to how Deli is "thrown" by seeing Colin and Raphaniel fighting together

#this isn't a shippy post by the way #i don't really see or resonate with that angle personally #but it's absolutely about power and influence and comradeship (maybe) and very mismatched expectations/approaches #they're just on very different levels with each other and very different headspaces #and that clash is compelling and hilarious by turns #honestly Deli being thrown feels more about Deli's perception of his own power being threatened than missing Colin or a sense of friendship #he likes to throw his weight around and with Colin it just. didn't land #(I love how Lou is playing Deli with this power-hungry boldness but a slightly blustery underlayer of insecurity) #anyway these tags are getting long but I'm loving all of this #dimension 20 #the ravening war #trw spoilers #op #sir colin provolone #thane delissandro katzon

[spotsupstuff]

i sense how on the contrary, when moon is in Zeph’s local group the members will all go ‘omg youre actually letting us do this’ or be surprised of her leniency with almost anything(or if she gets upset she wont be yelling her ass off and will try to remain calm), because of how Zeph would usually be so strict with em and they didnt expect better

see- first you gotta understand that the chancla doesn't really Hurt the iterators. while they definitely can feel through their puppets, those things are made to be sturdy (throw a normal or singularity bomb into Pebs' chamber,he's fine, i know he just doesn't have health but worldbuilding is worldbuilding so i guess a fully functional iterator is fine with blackhole into the head). it maybe stings for a sec but it's not worse than gettin pinched (also where did you get that she yells at em, she's only exclaimed so far i think. if you check how she handled Innocence, that's how she generally goes about it- no yellin for the sake of puttin 'em in place, she's just venting out her frustrations into the air)

the Point of the chancla is to get the target's unwavering attention so she can talk some sense into them WITHOUT using the senior privilege which is far more invading since it cuts straight through their systems and forces the juniors to stop everything to pay attention. these things are giant supercomputers! they are going to have a different perspective on what counts as "too much"/"too bad" than us humans! it isn't used to limit what they are doing unless the thing they are gon do is explicitly threatening to their safety, the limiting is what the Senior Privilege does!

in that lil comic with Pebs, Suns, Nish, Inn and her, she doesn't actually even hit Nish in the last panel, the chancla is only supposed to suddenly appear from behind next to his face n he gets startled + drama queen points. i've admitted in the tags of it that i gave up on the last page so i don't blame anyone for not gettin that since i haven't put enough effort into communicating it

with what she's doin back in her own group, she Needs to be this strict if she wants her plan of keeping everyone reliably long-term safe to work

and her groupmates would undeniably miss her. they love her! they don't want some lenient stranger without constant spice to her instead of their ramshackle beloved Azzie!!!!

#Spot says stuff #rw #oc tag #remember!!!!! important point to her character that also bothered me at some point with how similar it makes her to Moon was that shes Kind #Zeph is kind almost as much as Moon but their situations- concerning all their past present and future- are strikingly different and so #their lives require them to have different approach to things. what Zeph is specifically doin different from Moon is that shes Firmer #strictness isnt wrong!!! if you arent strict on either yourself or the people around you then it is easy to breach boundaries n do- #-Terrible things. its. honestly why i got real sad when a peep asked me to tag that one post as abuse. its not that believe me Zeph would- #-Never abuse another iterator. shes specifically trying to get around that while still keepin them sensible. but ofc ill tag it as such 4 u #look where Moon's leniency got her! dead and hurt and everyone who loved her suffering! there are times when you Need to be firm and cut- #-a bad situation at its bud before it can spiral into something absolutely damning #i didnt include it cuz it isnt Funney™ but after each chancla she talks to the target about why what they did was wrong #Suns you cant send that. it can hurt him very badly. Innocence you need to respect other people. Pebbles this will Hurt me if u keep doing- #-what you are doing right now. it could *kill* me. why are you doing this in the first place? do you need to talk? need me to listen? #being strict and being cruel or dictatorial are different things

[vatrocvet]

hawkshaw dress up game but i draw all the assets (the hawkshaw design itself is by @/whisperingrockers, i just had fun with the outfits)

#tangle tower #detective grimoire #detective hawkshaw #sigghhhhhhhhhh.... i don't know if i like these or not #i wanted to try and work in an entirely different style and approach because lineart and minimal coloring are my usual #so this was fun but i don't know if it's as pretty as my usual.... eh #the style is itself inspired by my 55+ hours in blasphemous and how secret of the swamp looks #all the fits have names... 1st is 'horus' #2nd is 'entrance to the opera' #3rd is 'seafoam-soaked heart'. and yes that color is intentional absolutely do assume what it might represent #i had a lot of fun with the pretty clothes and that's what counts #i have drawn something #also i wanted to give hawkshaw a bird motif because. 'hawk'. and the story tethering them to eachother #despite the fact they never actually interacted at all

[causticsunshine]

Looking to Drown in Your Ocean

For the @omegaharryfest

explicit | non-traditional omegaverse | FWB, friends to lovers | 31k+

Louis has been in love with Harry for years, but is too afraid of putting their friendship in jeopardy—and Harry not feeling the same—to act on his feelings. But when a rut spent in their shared home rather accidentally proves that things from Harry's side may not be as strictly platonic as they seem, Louis might just have to seize the opportunity, even if it means putting his heart on the line.

Or, an omegaverse friends with benefits (kind of) AU in which feelings run deeper than they appear, the most obvious people in the room are the most oblivious, and Niall is actually the best kind of instigator.

(continuation underway — to be added shortly!)

read on ao3

playlist

#OHFF #omega harry fic fest #hlcreators #hljournal #1dsource #stylinson #trackinghome #tracksintheam #HL #1d #my fics #adding onto this in a few days bc i have more filth and a better ending so expect an update BUT #basically this was inspired by a prompt and then i had no motivation and then it turned into something else as i basically speed wrote this #in a couple of weeks! so i hope it doesn't totally suck #(and as i said: adding onto it shortly to satisfy my impossible standards) #11/10 please read if you like obvious mutual pining... domesticity... absolute filth that's also kinds romantic? #uhm also versatile alpha/omega pairs... more approaches to 'intersex' omegas (because listen) #(doesn't always have to mean they have two full sets of differing bits yk? see a/n if you want some context ok) #meaning yes there is harrussy here! because this fandom really needs to stop fearing coochie! #officially i am taking on the role of gifting you all more momrry and harrussy content because it's so lacking #not always mutually exclusive ofc but regardless it's my burden now!! #but yeah uhh please read now or when i update it and lmk what you think?

[lemurblog]

Is it wrong that im shipping alex the lion with my oc

it's not wrong. in fact it's important, and even essential, to ship alex the lion with your oc. if it inspires you then you're on the right path

#i ship clover with my oc if it makes you feel better #i'm sure alex would love yours #lately i've needed to remind myself when writing stories to not shut down what interests me #and i've been learning about an accepting and nonjudgmental approach to our own imagination #ocs may not have as broad fandom appeal as canon ships but it's no different from liking a rarepair #and in the madafandom every ship is going to feel like a rarepair anyway bc the fandom is small #so you might as well live your absolute best life #personally i loved my fandom days on deviantart where ppl would make ocs to ship with EVERY canon character #where i'm from it's very normal #and i'm sorry for whatever has you worried. whatever it is - it's not the authority on what's best for you #replies #jungkook124

[bylertruther]

some of you never grew up in a small conservative town as a (gay) nerd that was bullied, harassed, and excluded for years on end for not fitting in and for visibly and enthusiastically liking geek things—geek things that then branded you a satanist in everyone's eyes and as something Other, Lesser, and Undoubtedly Unworthy of Basic Human Decency even though you were literally just an actual child with harmless interests and not a satanist or an evil disgusting subhuman thing, and it shows.

you cannot apply modern views and beliefs to a show that is set in the eighties, especially not when it's set in conservative midwest eighties which is a whole other beast. being a socially awkward and nonconforming geek is something that people STILL get bullied for if you don't do it in a way that the majority deems "acceptable", especially if you live in a conservative, religious area.

your experiences are not universal and your inability to relate to a certain motif or story does not make it "lesser" or "bad writing."

#stranger things #mike wheeler #<- tagging and then disappearing into the mist again bc i don't like it here lol. #girls when they love stranger things because they finally see characters just like them with the same exact experiences written with such #care and respect for those that have been Deemed Other but people who have not had those experiences refuse to believe that they're #realistic and STILL happen to people bc if they're fortunate to have not gone through that then clearly that means that it doesn't exist #and if it does then it's not Traumatic Enough or a good enough plot to cause such inner turmoil in the characters who experience that #💥🛼 #i got bullied for being a nerd in the 2000s and 2010s. you can absolutely get bullied for being a nerd and being a nerd is enough reason #for social exile in some places. when dustin said that no one was nice to him or mike? when lucas said that girls laughed at them? and it's #all because they're deemed freaks and satanists for liking fantasy things? that's Real and it doesn't hurt any less just because you think #it's not a good enough reason to bully someone. #i was called a satanist to my face by adults. people acted like i was some Creature or whatever just because i liked fiction and wasn't #interested in what the majority was interested in and wore dark clothing sometimes. like.. hello. school shooter jokes? the way #that neurodivergent people get treated when they're visibly ''different'' and enjoy things passionately? the way that liking star wars was #a thing to ridicule until it suddenly became Acceptable and Popular to like? i feel like i'm living in a different reality than so many #people here with the way that they talk about certain things in this show. and don't even get me started on the way people approached #the angela and el situation.... #maybe just be glad that these things did not happen to you and stop acting like it's lesser or a bad story bc of that? just a thought.

[pyrriax]

hi tumblr im pyrr pyrriax and im in my trimonthly artist arc, lord help me and all the projects that are currently sitting in my drafts while i am lured in by the siren song of drawing

#haunted ecosystem #this is not helping with how much my hands hurt on a daily basis this is why i type and dont handwrite/draw very much. #im lured in regardless and i really need to find an artform that doesnt Hurt but for now. digital art <3 #like theres a difference between my dumb doodles (quick easy not much different from regular computer usage) and actual art #but im an artist at heart i spent sooooo long being an artist and thinking i was shit at writing. that is wrong! im actually kinda good #im rambling in tags today because i have been not social (my partner is in genshin hell and my beloved is. somewhere.) #okay but on another note i reread the first. couple chapters of wtds this morning? the pacing is a little weird and the tense is fucked #but its actually a lot better than i thought it was? you can tell i was fleshing everybody out in my head and i totally forgot about how #i described the watcher [who i am STILL redacting the name of until we get there] and just. ough. pandora being very logical #and then jumping to the latest chapter and fucking sobbing because i forgot about how it went and just. pandora and his. #whatever the fuck is wrong with him. #i have gotta start recommending people read that again. its surprisingly friendly without context because of how i approached it #that fic has taught me so many things its actually a little comical. it also made me relearn how to make and write ocs so thats fun #once i finish that main fic (and i WILL i am actually planning to sign up for a thing. im finishing it i swear.) i finally get to show off #more of the world and characters ive crafted. showing backstories and what-ifs and all these oneshots ive been keeping close to my chest #for like absolutely ages because i dont want any spoilers on my tumblr #and. im finishing that fic in pseudo-memoriam of somebody who deleted their accounts everywhere. still miss you dane! #ok this has completely gone off topic ily tumblr im going back to drawing and i might make a new pfp #it'll still be lavius but it'll be fray lavius since i think about him a lot and i like his color palette.

[ask-artsy-oncie]

ORAS could have been so good if the gameplay had just been overhauled properly.

#Stupid shit #Pokemon #Like!!! It has AMAZING visuals/redesigns/environment designs/music/writing/the BEST random encounter system in the series #But its post-game is absolutely uncomparable to the original with the exception of how *cool* the deoxys encounter is #And the gameplay does not hold a fucking candle to the original at all. #It's one of those pokemon games you just blow through and that unfortunately makes it not as fun and also relatively forgettable #God... but what could have been if they cared enough to preserve what the original had in terms of gameplay #Like I played Alpha Sapphire and Emerald at around the same time over the last year or so. Revisited them together. #And ORAS did so fucking well in so many ways... and yet Emerald was way more memorable #So many battles in the original games actually mattered and had to be thought about with genuine strategies if you didn't just grind one mo #In ORAS literally none of it matters. There is zero challenge whatsoever. #And I KNOW I know it's because game freak realized that they were releasing this game to a market of kids with 'no attention span' #So their goals were different #But man does it make for a shit turn-based RPG to approach things that way.

[notquitedeadpod]

NQD 24 actually has an alternative version, which will be shared with our patreon supporters after the end of the season! It'll be really interesting to hear their thoughts on the differences between the two versions.

I also thought about potentially releasing the alt version of 24 to them at the same time as they got early access - in the end, though, I decided not to as I think it may give away too much about what happens in the next couple of episodes. This is part of the reason it was so substantially rewritten, but not the main reason, weirdly!

#it's just interesting to keep hold of these bits and pieces #it's actually super rare for me to write a whole episode and rewrite it so extensively and not absolutely hate the old version #like sometimes with SBR I'd rewrite and episode but it was always bc I'd read it through and be like 'ew' #where with this one it was more like 'i think this could be better if i approached it from a different angle #but there is a lot about the OG version i really enjoy #it's just not as good for audio as the release version #hence #the change #not quite dead #audio drama #not quite dead podcast #not quite dead pod #nqd pod #nqd #eira speaks

[s0fter-sin]

criminal minds/call of duty crossover where a serial killer is targeting sets of brothers. the bau think it’s ghost after finding out he’s on leave and looking into him and finding out about his abusive childhood. they think being military, getting held by the cartel and his family’s murder made him snap and he’s trying to recreate a perfect childhood with perfect brothers but they’re never perfect enough

he’s arrested when he can’t provide an alibi for the nights of the murders. the interrogation is rough, even with his resistance training. he can’t fight back, he can’t wait out the clock until price rescues him bc it’s not ghost being interrogated, it’s simon. getting his family and childhood thrown in his face, being questioned about his time with the cartel, forced to remember everything he went through and the entire time he can’t hide behind his mask bc they took it the second they brought him in

he’s being moved from interrogation to a cell when soap bursts in, screaming and swearing at them, how dare they think ghost would ever hurt those boys, after everything he’s survived, all the people he’s saved, do they really think he would ever do something like that, what the fuck is wrong with them!!

he sees how rough ghost looks, sees they took his mask and is two seconds from throwing hands with morgan. ghost’s just been quietly saying his name as he rants, trying to get through to him before he gets himself arrested too until he finally barks, “sergeant mactavish!” and soap instinctively freezes and falls to attention. he tries to make him leave but soap tells the team that ghost was with him on the nights the boys were killed and he had security footage of him coming and leaving his apartment, as well as pictures from throughout the night

the team don’t believe him, asking why ghost would lie to them, he could be charged with murder if it went far enough, why hide his alibi? he stays quiet until soap finally says, “he was protecting me. it doesn’t look to good to be gay in the military. or to seduce your superior officer.”

“you didn’t seduce shit, johnny,” ghost argues back and the team realises they were trying to dodge a dishonourable discharge not hide a murder habit and releases him. they end up stealth helping them solve the case bc even if he didn’t do it, seeing all of these boys, these brothers getting killed was getting to ghost in a bad way

#the extra pictures are absolutely from soap blowing ghosts back out #outside perspectives are one of my favourite things in the world #the interrogation specifically is making me lose my mind the conversation theyd have about how to go about it? #should hotch play to his obvious daddy issues and come at him heavy and aggressive? should rossi do the same but with a sympathetic approac #or go the other way a military man probably with mummy issues too so send in emily or jj and see if hes misogynistic #they think hes killing boys should reid go in and ramp up his age and vulnerability? #ghost would see through them all with his training but each approach would tear at him in different ways #that they think they can get to him by treating him like something damaged or playing to his supposed prejudices #rossi acting anything like price would fuck him up something fierce #ghost is the king of repression and being confronted with all of this? hed be losing it #and the way he protects his sergeants (roach is alive bc i said so) as if theyre his little brothers? how he goes hard on the recruits to #make sure they live? #to be told they expect him to be killing these kids? it breaks him down a bit #it stabs at a part of himself that calls him a monster and unworthy of love and affection #his fathers son #and soaps just furious that anyone could ever think ghost is capable of something like that #that they dug up his trauma and saw a man to condemn instead of a boy to be saved #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #we’re a team. ghost team #criminal minds #spencer reid #call of duty #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghost cod #simon ghost riley #soap cod #john soap mactavish #ghost mw2 #save post

[tathrin]

Okay but ever since reading this post I have been utterly consumed by the thought that on one hand, this knowledge changes absolutely nothing because the text is exactly as queer (read: very) as it always was, and yet at the same time it sort of recontextualizes everything enormously because if Tolkien had a gay friend, if Tolkien was actively down with gay fiction, then the fact that he wrote the absolute most perfect example of a Queer Happily Ever After ever was no accident.

This was not some oblivious Old British Fellow writing about Those Deep Platonic Bonds Between Men with no clue or awareness that there could be other types of love bonds between men. This was not "Oh lol, look how gay these characters turned out! completely unintended on the author's part obvs, but still wow super gay!" This was not Tolkien being Too Straight(TM) to realize that life beyond the cisheteronormative default existed. He knew. He knew, which means there is no way this was not purposeful.

And of course it’s not explicitly stated that they’re wedded partners in the sense that Éowyn marrying Faramir was, or Sam and Rosie, or Aragorn and Arwen, or any of the other het-couples married in the books. Nobody in England in the forties was talking about gay marriage, not as any sort of legally recognized possibility. “Legal recognition“ then still meant jail and disgrace. (He knew what they did to Turing. He knew what they did to Wilde.) Tolkien knew that, and honestly his own feelings about whether or not it was "moral" by the standards of his religion and society are irrelevant; he accepted it enough to accept and praise those stories, those writers. To be friends with W. H. Auden to the extent that the two of them wrote birthday poems for each other!

And Tolkien turned around and wrote Legolas and Gimli sailing away from Middle-earth to go to Valinor and live happily ever after together.

Think about that in the framing of the time it was written, in the context of Tolkien having a gay friend; in the context of Tolkien respecting and praising stories with gay lovers. Nobody in the forties expected marriage equality, or even a separate-but-equal civil union stand-in. Nothing like that, not even close. But Tolkien wrote “Then Legolas built a grey ship in Ithilien, and sailed down Anduin and so over Sea; and with him, it is said, went Gimli the Dwarf. And when that ship passed an end was come in the Middle-earth of the Fellowship of the Ring.”

He didn't write "and then Legolas and Gimli were wed," because that wasn't something he likely would have been able to get either his head or his society around. Likewise he didn't write "Boromir was ace" because he wouldn't have know what that meant, even if he’d meant it (and it’s hard to read the line "taking no wife and delighting chiefly in arms” and not see it as some form of asexuality, tbh) just like he didn’t use that sort of language when he talked about the Dwarves who preferred their crafts to marriages, etc. (There are a lot of aro/ace-coded and otherwise queer-coded folks in these books aside from just our most obvious Hobbits, Elf, and Dwarf, if you’ve never noticed.) We have to remember to take the time period into consideration, and understand what he would have known how to write and what he wouldn’t have. I’m not asking anyone to pretend that this story was somehow written with prescient knowledge of the modern world; I’m asking people to actually look at the text as it was written, in the time it was written, and interpret it that way, rather than by our modern standards.

Because here’s what he did write:

We have heard tell that Legolas took Gimli Glóin’s son with him because of their great friendship, greater than any that has been between Elf and Dwarf. If this is true, then it is strange indeed: that a Dwarf should be willing to leave Middle-earth for any love, or that the Eldar should receive him, or that the Lords of the West should permit it. But it is said that Gimli went also out of desire to see again the beauty of Galadriel; and it may be that she, being mighty among the Eldar, obtained this grace for him. More cannot be said of this matter.

Tell me that is not the absolute epitome of a Queer Happy Ending? Tell me that it isn’t making you cry, thinking about Tolkien coming up with the closet thing he could conceive of to an “and then they were married and lived happily together to the end of their days” ending for two male characters who loved each other. They literally break the rules to go to magical heaven together; there is nothing more queer than that. NOTHING. Especially when you add “more cannot be said of this matter.” Why can’t more be said? Because that’s how you wrote queer stories back then, isn’t it? Certainly it’s how Tolkien would have, medievalist that he was, writing an (invented) epic legend.

Tolkien lived in a world where two men could never be married either legally or in the eyes of any established church, and he knew this. He may or may not have even thought it was right that they should want to be; it doesn’t matter. Because he still gave us the closest thing to a Happy Gay Ending—to a Happy Gay Wedding—that he could have imagined. He still thought that that was what was right and good and deserved for these two characters. They broke all the rules of both their people, and went to the Undying Lands together. That is absolute PEAK queer love, tbh. We love each other so much that the rules don’t matter. We love each other so much that the disapproval of gods don’t matter. We love each other so much that we don’t care if other people think it’s strange or wrong, we’re going to do it anyway and you can’t stop us because we love each other THAT MUCH. Tolkien wrote them that way, and then he wrote them sailing to heaven together in the end.

How many times in history—including in the time period in which Tolkien was living—did you have “confirmed bachelors or spinsters” putting their lives together, traveling together, living together, without any hope of a legal union (or any religious ceremony officiated by an established organization for that matter, although some of them had ceremonies of their own to be sure) to recognize their love, or even any surety that their families would allow their graves to lie alongside one another once they were dead and unable to protect themselves, but refusing to be parted anyway?

Tell me that doesn’t resonate when you think of Legolas and Gimli. Legolas and Gimli, who should have been as sundered after Gimli’s death as any other elf and mortal, and yet were not. And yet found a way to be together against all the rules of their world and the forces that should have governed their fates. “You are a Wood-elf, anyway, though Elves of any kind are strange folk. Yet you comfort me. Where you go, I will go. Strange it may seem...” and “Strange it may seem, but while Gimli lives I shall not come to Fangorn alone...” and “You shall come with me and keep your word; and thus we will journey on together to our own lands in Mirkwood and beyond.” Read those lines and tell me that doesn’t read that way, if you can.

When you look at Legolas and Gimli in the context of queer relationships of Tolkien’s era, in fact, the text reads as even more queer rather than less, I think. Often modern readers are accused of projecting the views of today onto stories written in the past when we claim to see deliberate queerness in the subtext, but in this case looking at the text from the position of the past, it does very much the opposite. And I don’t know why I never looked at it that way before, because I know my queer history well enough to have seen this sooner—save that I suppose I’m so used to looking at queer subtext in older fiction under the premise of “unintended queerness” rather than thinking the author might have done it with full knowledge and deliberation—but oh, this time I think it was deliberate. This time I think it had to have been.

Tolkien gave them not just a but rather the best Queer Happy Ending.

And we’ve allowed cisheteronormative revisionist interpretations of the text to blind us to that reality. To be read as the “natural default” of all books, even when they aren’t. And frankly, if you actually read the text as it is written rather than letting all the homophobic drivel we’ve been inundated with all our lives to obscure what’s actually there, then it’s clear enough that I posit that from now on, it’s anyone trying to take a heteronormative view on Legolas and Gimli’s relationship that has to find evidence in the text to support their position, rather than the other way around. Because we have no reason to take straightness as the automatic default here, and every reason in the world to look at this relationship and take it as written instead. And frankly my friends, it is written extremely queer.

Now, is there any way to actually "know" what Tolkien was specifically thinking or intending here? No, obviously, not unless someone finds a note or letter somewhere stating it in clear and unambiguous terms that somehow escaped being burned in any of the intervening years, of course not. Not without time travel and telepathy. I’m not saying that. No one (contrary to the many tests you probably took in high school lit classes to the contrary) can know that about someone else's book, not unless the author tells you and even then you may have to ask how much you trust their word after the fact, but—but.

But Tolkien was a very careful writer, and a very intelligent and well-read man. He was a medievalist, a craftsman of language and legend. He knew his references, his allusions, his myth and his history. And if he knew queerness too, which he did...well then I'm sorry, but there is no way that I am ever going to believe that he wrote the perfect Queer Happily Ever After by accident.

He was too good of a writer for that.

#lord of the rings #jrr tolkien #you will now never be able to convince me that the queerness was not at least sometimes UTTERLY INTENTIONAL #not now that i know this #now instead i challenge anyone to argue that it WASN'T #we are coming to the text from a different starting point now kids #the queerness isn't ''accidental subtext that we can lean into'' anymore #now the shoe is on the other foot and if you disagree it's up to you to argue that x ISN'T meant to be queer #seriously this at once changes absolutely nothing and yet also changes EVERYTHING #the text is exactly the same but the direction from which you approach it has flipped entirely #and that's so breathtakingly astonishing that i may never recover from this realization #gimleaf #lotr canon #gimli #legolas #lotr meta #queerness #lotr #w h auden #my stuff #shipping #added a cut because i realized it got rambly and long sorry folks #queering lotr #queering the canon

[polarfarina]

I guess I'm just confused that fans of watcher are willing to pay sometimes $100 or more in ticket prices to see the live shows with Shane and Ryan but then $6 is really offensive and a betrayal of an ask... like one mystery files hoodie costs more than a year of their (currently announced price of the) site subscription. Don't get me wrong because I do NOT think the paywall was the right decision or announced the right way, I don't think it's going to work. But. I have seen and heard several people say they buy tickets and merch, why can't that be enough? $6 is too expensive! But I'm sitting here confused because. The tickets and merch are way more than six dollars..???? I'm really really confused about that point. It's not that I don't understand that $6 can be unaffordable, it's just... so many people say they can't spend $6 while in the same breath have been boasting about how so far they've been able to spend money on concerts and patreon and buying shirts and blind boxes and the premium YouTube subscription because creators get a bigger chunk of the money that way (watcher should be GLAD they supported them btw!); but SIX DOLLARS? They can't pay that! It's odd. Is all I'm saying.

On the flip side, I saw people saying that because they live outside of the us they would get charged a double tax that they couldn't afford due to having to transfer money overseas; I feel like that's a really good point. Once this goes behind a paywall, international audiences will have a much harder time accessing content moving forward, if they can at all (not every country plays nice with PayPal). Even if they can afford the $6, there will be a heap of fees on top of it - or there won't even be a way to get the money to the service in the first place.

Absolutely the fact that Watchers' content is suddenly becoming paywalled seemingly immediately moving forward with little warning is a big shock and at first when watching the video, I didn't think they were serious. Having witnessed a successful launch of a YouTube channel into a paid subscription site with the exact price that watcher is asking for... they are not doing it right. Not for their audience. But people are so so focused on how expensive six dollars is and not on the other implications of this decision, which just... am I in the wrong here?? There's a bigger conversation i feel could be had but everyone is really really focusing on the BETRAYAL of six dollars... and I feel like I'm going crazy because that wasn't even in my first handful of thoughts about why this was a bad idea

#ghostly posts #it's one am sorry this is so long #you can write me hate mail saying I'm detatched from reality or whatever if you'd like I'm just trying to get this out of my head so I can #think about other more important stuff. #the bottom line is that shows don't last forever. they don't stay the same. #content evolves and moves and gets written by different people and handed around and it's sometimes impossible to get your hands on #I feel like a lot of people these days kind of set themselves up relying on future promises to help them go forward and if their expectation #s aren't met the way they want it suddenly feels like their mental health is going to crash and it's all the media's fault for changing #I think a better way to approach it is ti enjoy what you have. pick your favorite parts and revisit those. and don't rely on new stuff all t #the time??? #fandom is so fast paced these days I do not get it. once I had every mutual in the one fandom all quit posting the same day #because the final piece of media about it released and that was it! no more point to it if there's not new stuff coming out #which is... not how I think about anything. a show doesn't get ruined because there's not more coming out? #does that make sense? probably absolutely not. good day

[tinderbox210]

La’an Noonien Singh and Spock + being Uhura’s teachers, including tough truths and awful pep talks, and ending up utterly impressed with their student

s01e02 - Children Of The Comet s01e06 - Lift Us Where Suffering Cannot Reach

#star trek: strange new worlds #la'an x spock #spock x la'an #la'an noonien singh #spock #spocklaanedit #spocklaanparts #my gif #one of my absolute favourite parallels of them #i love how their approaches are both so similar yet different with both of them taking the job very serious #and I loved how they start of sceptical but then end up so proud of Uhura