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#I also wish I could emote like that

ethanhuntfemmefatale · 1 year

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sometimes i think about an AA universe where Edgeworth didn't have to be shuffled off every 5 seconds so he could maintain credibility as a rival....where Phoenix didn't have to win every case...yes AA is a game yes i understand why it did that for the narrative. but when I look at those lonely scared 24 year olds from AA1 i can't help but think that their version of a happy ending would be to be able to get used to each other. to face each other over stupid cases and small things. Sometimes one winning, sometimes the other, until it hardly matters anymore, all that matters is finding the truth together. I want them to take each other for granted!!! i want them to look at the other across the courtroom and say "time to face this bitch for the hundredth time i guess!!" these poor bastards have never had anything approaching emotional stability before let them have each other damn it

#idk im just. emotional #i feel like at that age?? at that place in their character development??? romance aside that would be legit be #the best happiest situation for both of them. and i feel things when i imagine it #we see so much of the grand gestures intense moments side of their relationship #they're always helping each other in their darkest moments and stuff like that but i wish they could also have #a very mundane professional dynamic. bitchy and prickly and earnest cause they both care a lot. and loving in their way #it's sad to me that so much of fic revolves around the idea that 'when phoenix and miles start dating miles will finally stay' thats #so tragic!!!!!!! am i the only person who thinks that's tragic #the game had to keep them apart for Narrative Reasons but i know my boy miles edgeworth and he would want to get bored of that spiky hairdo #and that handsome face. from seeing it in court so much.#narumitsu #wrightworth #phoenix wright #miles edgeworth #ace attorney #aa1 #aa2 spoilers #aa3 spoilers

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mueritos · 1 month

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started a new job recently as a research assistant for a gay Latinx professor in my grad program, and while I definitely don't have the time to be doing my own research, working with this professor on his book projects has been so affirming and healing. i'm working on a book he hopes to publish soon that is full of interviews of gay and trans Latine men...and it is so fucking awesome. I feel so seen by the words I am reading, and I feel tears spring to my eyes looking at the photographs of these men. They look like family members, distant cousins, and family friends. They look so happy and full of confidence. I see myself in their eyes, recognizing the "fish" shape in our eyes that is so distinctly tied to Latines. One of the men in the book is a pup! And it is so beautiful seeing his smile as he holds his pup mask.

I have met very few queer latines. I don't know what it's like to have the tio or tia that has some secret aura to them, that "no se habla" vibes where everyone knows they're queer but just won't acknowledge it. Hell, this professor I'm working with is the first gay Latine man I've ever spoken to. I wish I had a community of gay Latines. I hope I am able to access that one day :)

#muerto talks #just rambling #reading thru this manuscript has me feeling some intense emotions #ive always been the person other queers look up to #and i always wish i had someone i could look up to #this reminds me that when im back home for the summer i should totally connect my emotional support gay professor from undergrad #i have never felt such acceptance and joy man #life be good when you have an older gay BIPOC man in your life #LIKE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ADOPT ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE #this makes 3 gay male professors i know that i look at with very big round and wet eyes #my research professor is also a gay man and im like so captivated by him in class #i be on cloud 9 when i say something in class and he continously references it #LIKE YES I WON!!!#I WON!!!!

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fleshadept · 2 years

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what we do in the shadows is widely considered one of those shows that’s a comedy but the way tumblr talks about it makes it seem like a high drama or tragedy but it’s really like. a comedy with layers of deep tragedy right below the surface. the story and presentation is comedy-focused but there are so many events that are and are recognized by the narrative as being deeply tragic.

laszlo and colin robinson’s arc last season is a good example—laszlo’s close friend died and was replaced by an identical baby, whom laszlo then chose to raise as best he could and had to work through his own parental issues to do it well. then, when he felt the worst about it, when colin was a teenager and angry at the world and he hated laszlo for not being able to help him, he grew up. and he was colin robinson again, with no memories of laszlo raising him anymore, as if none of it had ever happened. of all the season 4 arcs this one was the most consistently dramatic, and laszlo ended the season devastated. and that’s only one arc

while it is true that wwdits is a comedy and people on tumblr do talk about it like it’s a tragedy, it is also the case that the tragedy is Right There. we don’t have to dig very deep to get there, and in many cases it’s a central aspect of the story. in a way this is due to its predecessor, the 2014 film, which was intentionally made to be a comedy with tragic elements, not one or the other

#comedy-with-tragic-elements is like a hallmark of taika’s stuff too #idk about jemaine’s because i haven’t seen a lot of his other stuff #if there’s one thing i would criticise it’s that i wish the show would hold on the emotional moments more #instead of moving quickly to a new joke #i think them not doing this is partially a product of the limitation of a 22 minute episode (they’d be better off with 40)#but also the writers could do this if they wanted and they have on some occasions #wwdits #wwdits fx #what we do in the shadows #cricket chirps

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nonokoko13 · 8 months

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Me when the first coherent thought I have in the morning is that Grim was either abandoned or his biological parents died and the only family he has ever known are three ghosts everyone was afraid of so everybody left them alone for centuries and a human who doesn't belong who doesn't entirely fit there just like them so they were all alone until they found each other.

Ghosts tied to a space which is unsure whether they can leave or not and a human who may have somebody waiting them back home and may leave with no chance of return. Who can't take Grim with them because where they come from things such as fantasy creatures and magic only exist in fairytales so he'd either live hidden from the world or in danger of being treated as a monster and experimented on because when faced with what it's new and different the world reacts with anger and fear and want to control it and tear it apart until nothing it was before is left.

He doesn't know or understand this but MC does and that's why they would have to leave him behind. His dream of studying magic and be the greatest mage wouldn't come true on Earth, that's the reason they would tell him. It's true even though it's not the main reason why. But Grim would understand they just don't want to stay with him and prefer to leave and forget him because if they did love him they would stay.

Then again he could try to dig up in his origins and find his first family but what if time travel exists and MC from a previous timeline was who gave him the ribbon, his first gift and only possession before arriving at NRC? Meaning MC was the person his world revolved around before he even knew who they were and there was no other family he had.

Doubting the trouble squad has ever have a heart to heart conversation about Grim and MC's fates if or when they depart either because they have forgotten or pretend they aren't aware but deep down Ace and Deuce and all of MC friends know but prefer to keep ignoring it instead of confront their feelings. Grim and Malleus being the only ones who may have never think of it until the moment arrives nor accept it. Just like young children who believe their parents, their pillars, their everything that makes them feel safe, would always be there until death knocks at their door. Because MC have friends and a home in Twisted Wonderland and they need them so why would they leave?

They know MC keeps searching a way home and wondering if their loved ones misses them as much as they do and how much time have passed on their planet without knowing MC wishes they could have it all so they didn't have to choose between their previous family and the one they found there. And neither Grim or Malleus won't admit they know because thinking of it brings back the feeling of abandonment and losing everything that make them feel completed.

But the prince will have both Silver and Sebek and his grandmother for the rest of their lives with him once he returns home, people who was there from the beginning. Time to grow with them and accept they'll leave too. Everyone will graduate and go home and except special occasions each one will go their own path.

Grim will stay with somebody else but it won't be the same for him because he already had a family he wanted to keep together and failed to do so and without the dorm ghosts and MC the only thing left for him is the wound he carried before finding them opened once again that will remember him that nobody in this world can stay by his side forever so he'll stay and search a way to reunite with MC again and wonder if they miss him as much as he does and wishing MC have had everyone they loved in twst so they didn't have to choose or if they had to they had chosen him instead in the end and thinking of how all the future plans they shared and promises they made of growing old together were empty and the words that made him happy about how they loved him now hurt and they failed him and he failed to have everything he wanted and they left they left and he's thinking of them even after promising himself he wouldn't anymore a lie just like theirs and he's crying again and it hurts it hurts and

#twisted wonderland #twst grim #twst book 7 spoilers #I think. probably. the reference is there even if it was unintentional that comparison #sometimes I wish I wasn't a sentient being able to think so I didn't have to imagine things like this #it could have just ended in the first paragraph but noooooo keep adding salt you mf #why do I register thoughts and create scenarios and process emotions WHY #twst angst #this is biased because he my baby and I love him but the thought of never seeing my irl friends and some of my relatives would destroy me #so would it be leaving him tho #also the narrative is altered in some parts because I imagined it as how I believe Grim would think there #if you want to call it narrative #because to me this is a long ass rant about thoughts that ran me over like the black carriage to every mc so far #does anybody knows how to undo scenarios in your head #pass me the bleach #to me Grim has the emotion management and matureness of a child: Still working on it and easily fucked over traumatic shit like mc leaving #if it needs tw or anything let me know

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silveredsound · 19 days

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How you go from harry styles to hockey I will never understand.

I was going to make a little joke, as I do, (would have been v hilarious, best joke ever pls know this) and leave it at that. But like, it's been raining for over 24 hours, it's 2am and it might be good for me to reflect a little.. So sorry anon I am going emote all over your ask (which (the ask) sounds a bit judgey tbh but the written word is NOT a great conveyor of tone so that might be on me.)

On one hand it's just fandom. And, I think it's been pretty clear that as much as I love Henry Stars, I'm not like, a 'Harry is the be all and end all of all music creation and creativity and actions.' I like him for the good and the bad, and I don't leave critical thinking at the door. (Not saying I'm the only person to do this, just that it's hard sometimes in fan spaces and Stans definitely do..)

Which, can make it hard to participate in fandom as a lot of people are not great at irony, or accepting that someone else can say, god damn that is a terrible song - and that it's okay for that to happen. It doesn't mean that the person who expressed the neg opinion is not still a fan of the artist they were speaking about. Same with if the artist you are a fan of does something that gives you the ick.

I def learnt this when Harry went to Google Camp the first time. Like obviously I've been around 1d fandom in some way since 2012 ish I think it was - and it was my own reaction to Harry going to Camp Douchebags the first time that made me go, oh jeez Silv, you are a bit too involved in the parasocial relationship here. Like I was genuinely upset that he'd done something I thought was so dumb and wanky.

Anyway, clearly I still loved - love - him and I celebrated him and spent a fuckload of money on him and engaged in fandom and etc etc. But I just did at that point I think turn a little from heading in a very blinkers on version of fandom to one that's def more me - where you just get to have fun, make fun be creative, make friends! and have a bit of a perv depending on the silk cream vanilla ice cream outfit Harry might be wearing in Nashville.

I like RPF. I mean I like all transformative works and fandom extending and enhancing source material via creation, but I don't have an issue with RPF. I believe in 4th wall. And I clearly have written 1d fic. A lot of my good fandom mates, and real life best friend(s) are people I have met through sharing a love of writing in fandom spaces. Obviously all the best writers in 1d went to Hockey. And I stayed here. And I tried. I wanted to be where my friends where. I had fomo and I was lonely! My fandom had changed in a few ways all around the same time.

But Hockey is very confusing, (for starters as I often say to Angela or Joanna, snow is fake) and nothing clicked for me - it seemed large and I had no idea where to even start and I didn't really try.

But I think the change in some fandom fellow participants, and also anons being mean when they would get even a glimpse in their peripheral that I might have vaguely indicated that Henry did something that I thought was dumb or embarrassing, or just not that good, (it's no fun sharing a thought and feeling chatty about it, and wanting to engage with other people's thoughts if some random is going to anonymously tell you that you are a dumb c*nt and should delete etc etc so I stopped sharing any thoughts at all.) Of course Nick leaving breakfast and then R1 altogether - as well as obviously my whole life narrowing to a point that was just tend Mama- work - tend mama - work - tend mama - sleep - grow a tumour - tend mama left me not so much time for proper joyful engagement.

And then, in Jan/Feb this year, I think as I'd been looking at book reviews and as soon as you search for a book on tik tok they push book tok romance reviews into your feed and I think then that pushed an actual hockey clip (which is a really shite 4th wall issue as is the whole Kraken thing etc) and I can't even remember what it was but I know I then swiped through and watched other videos on the account and like 1d being adorable shites repeating stock answers and sitting on top of each other I was intrigued by what seemed to be very dumb and very entertaining.

But Silv, you cry, what about the emotions! You need emotions! Ah, yes, see, because I am nothing but devoted I had followed Angela and La's hockey blogs, and something La posted grabbed my attention and I followed a link and read an article and I was like. Oh, I want to read more about these kids. So I did. And after a little while I reached out to La and was like, um, I think I get it. And I posted something about the Fantilli Bros and then Max reached out and tbh I don't think anything says it better than my wide eyed enthusiasm reply. (You are probably by now thinking, Silv why is your answer to Max so short, why didn't I just get a paragraph? This is an endless essay with no conclusion or indeed a thesis statement, (that is if you have even made it down to here) & anon I can only apologise.)

I am really enjoying learning so many new things, being welcomed into a new space of connection and joy and silliness and emotional breakdowns. It's been so lovely to meet new people who are so excited to share their niche interest with you and no one minds how many questions I have and everyone searches out Primera and Important Past Instagram Posts from the archives - and of course reconnecting with people who I have always been friends with, fandom changes didn't change that, but it's delightful chatting much more often. The other day Angela and I watched an Avs game together via Tumblr chats, which was delightful, to learn about the team and to talk about random other things, and I've spent my last month of Saturdays watching umich with lovely people who La introduced me to, and having MANY EMOTIONS. (It's like hanging out all posting about a show's fits and one liners and if he's going to sing medicine but it's many pantomime gooseberrys. The performative homoeroticisim, wild hair, jokes, punching (only now during not pre show work outs ) and very goddamn impressive skill and physicality is actually pretty similar). Meghan and I have been able to chat through our very similar horrible experiences with cancer and mums with cancer and it's been so lovely and strengthening to be able to share that experience with a person who beyond gets it, and then also I've been able to announce to her that I want to write a fic about 5 ways Nolan saw god with the UMich Bible Study Group but didn't find faith. which is obviously a completely ridiculous concept but equally worthy of discussion. It's this that I love so much about fandom friendship - you share SO much because you are sharing something that gives you intimate joy, so the relationship always starts from a place of an automatic mutual understanding and empathy - and from there we make it our own.

But also, I really like the game. Like I love watching them play, all of them! It's fast (obviously - and oblig have to say - ice is slippery) and it's hard - and they make it look easy. When one of the special players (they are all special, but one of the ones who play almost with innate ability) makes a pass or a turn sometimes it's almost almost magic, like how the fuck did they see that gap between four players, and did you see how they kept the puck a moment longer so they could release it perfectly into the lane !! Hot.

The game can be all encompassing and it's SO SO SO silly. Like it's the dumbest sport. It's The Show. I'll put on ESPN and stream a match while I'm working during the day (the time difference is perfect for once) and I'm spending time cos I want to, learning the rules and the logistics and business side of it all. And of course, the differences between college hockey and the show. Idk. It just clicked on so many levels for me.

And so, I have no idea why it took me so long to transition from Henry to Hockey, but I am not surprised I did now that I have - it def wasn't something that I was bloody expecting. And Anon I will say this, the last few years of my life have been sad, hard, and tbh shitty. Now, I know what it's like to have fucked years, so I am not saying this to try to be and show off but 2024 feels a bit better. I feel clearer, I have started to lose some weight (15ish kg so far depending on the time of the month) and now I have a meeting w a PT on Tuesday as I actually don't care what I weigh but I want to get stronger and reduce my visceral fat as it will be better for hormones which is better for lessening my cancer reoccurrence %.

God knows it's (2024) not all roses, I literally had surgery again a fortnight ago and the cost of living in Sydney is giving me so much anxiety. I am still a terribly disorganised mess, my work is undergoing a complete restructure (thanks NSW gmnt) and my clean washing is NEVER folded and put away, it's always in the basket - but I feel so happy and entertained and creative - I am writing again! like it's joy. It's ye olde you are who you are at this moment but you are also the 4 year old you and the 15, 27, 34 year old you - girlhood (non gendered concept of not literal interpretation) and I love it. 💛🩵🌱

#sorry anon this is very much non con silv thinks about fandom and emotions and processes on main #there's a boy who has harry energy although more spoiled and sarcastic and this is delightful as i do actually think #which also i got a rude anon about once #that harry is not as nice as eveyone thinks #i think hes professional as fuck definitely #but i think hes a sarky little perfectionist and this delights me #but chemistry with everyone - thats the harry curse and blessing and the **** ****** one #sorry anon i know this was annoying #but i genuinely just really needed to get this out of me and acknowledge it all #fandom and fandom participation is something that is so important to us all #otherwise why would we have a little blog #let alone create posts of fic or gifs or edits #and god last year i said multiple times to shifty that i wished i had a fandom that i could wallow in as a happy place distraction #its very nice to feel engaged and delighted by something #i hope we can still be mates #i am a popstars and radio dj lover for life #i didn't even touch on teams i like and players and such cos not the point #tw: cancer #tw: death #tw: weight loss #sorry! i should have added those tw before!

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oceanwithouthermoon · 3 months

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idk if anyone else experiences this, but im SO bad at like picturing a characters voice when im reading something, like i guess some people can just automatically hear character voices of what theyre reading but it doesnt happen naturally for me at all so i always end up reading everything in my own voice.. but if im reading fanfiction or a book with a show/movie adaptation, i like to look up clips and try to listen to the characters voice while reading it so i can picture it better, and suddenly the text has SOOOO much more impact with the right voice.. i feel like this is gonna sound stupid or like common sense but i swear i just feel like im missing out because it doesnt have the same effect when i read it how i normally do..

very specifically talking about saiki, because he has such a specific tone and i just can't replicate it in my head no matter how hard i try, so whenever im reading the manga or a fic, i gotta listen to clips of him talking because the experience is so. much. better.

#I FEEL LIKE IM MISSING OUT ON SO MUCH ! I CAN NEVER READ IT THE WAY IT SHOULD BE READ !!#especially in fics where he gets even a little bit emotional- it doenst hit the same when read in MY voice cuz im so naturally expressive #i wish i could replicate how he would sound in my head cuz whenever i really really try and focus while using clips- IT HITS SO MUCH HARDER #this also ends with me accidentally mischaracterizing him cuz since i kin him heavily AND read him with my voice-#i sometimes end up reading him with MY tone and MY personality and its so not him at all and it doesnt have the same effect UGH UGH AUGH #sorry this actually does not make sense at all its just an autistic rant #idk what this is but i feel like its gotta be the autism cuz none of my allistic friends or family understand this or why it upsets me #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo #meows post

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