#I am just full of anxiety today

[villainsrph]

— so. guess who got a job? this guy ! ♡

#I start saturday omg #I've cried so much about this #I'm so genuinely excited #I'm gonna be full time floor staff at my local movie theater! #and the schedule works great that I can keep doing coms consistently #this is my first non-freelance job in almost 6 years #and to have something??? consistent??? and structured?? is going to be wild omg I'm so excited?? #this is a huge step for me anxiety and life wise and I am just?? really proud of myself omg #today I'm visiting my grandma and then I have to nanny!! #so I'll be here tonight and all tomorrow/thursday #I love y'all!! #out.

[demo-ness]

i think this website may be allergic to the idea that most medications aren't for neurological stuff

#just saw a post that was an image with the text ''don't forget your meds!'' (this part is good) #next to the autism creature on top of a bottle labeled '''brain helpies''' #and i'm trying to parse my hatred in a way that spares the cringe. i am full of rage #but i will dabble in hating on the cringe a little. what medication is for the autism creature exactly?? #i thought the ''brain helpies'' for autism were universally dangerous and/or scams sold to horrid parents #it's comorbid with adhd but jfc it is SOOOOO inconsequential to forget a stimulant for a day #even compared to other quality of life meds. i'd rather remember to take my thyroid medicine and not be lethargic #and then. do i need to get into my health anxiety. please fucking GOD do not forget something that keeps you healthy #forgetting a stimulant makes you less productive in a day #forgetting something like a cholesterol medication will SLOWLY KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #is it REALLY health anxiety to think one is more important than the other???? #sorry i'm in a bad mood today. take your brain meds congrats on having a perfect body otherwise

[cinna-bunnie]

i had a fun day 2 day ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა everyone has been so nicey 2 me all day from the minute i left my house earlier ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა ♡⁠

i went to a Retreat for the first time for work earlier 0: and I did SO good for being up since 2am it didn't even feel like it 💀

it was so chill i drove like an hour away but Away from the city so there wasn't rly traffic and the mountains r so pretty 2 drive thru (❁´◡`❁) got some rain n v low clouds and since it's autumn there's all these pretty colors. i took an edible on the way n was just jammin out n enjoying the scenery among the many safe opportunities 2 look

and then at the thing we got 2 do different ice breakers n go on decently long breaks; i got 2 hang in different groups n actually Talk w a bunch of ppl which i never have time for omg. it's nice working at a legal nonprofit, i would NOT want to do this with corporate mfs !! 😹

went around n said hii to the enbies and i ran up a hill that looked a lot smaller than it was, i made it like 80% of the way before my legs were immediately like no girl we're done !! but my brain was like but it's Right There, and i struggled 2 finish the climb but I Did !! ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა and i was so so tired i do not remember ever being that winded before 💀 getting down was so much slower n worse bc my legs were Done and when i finally made it to the bottom i laid flat on my back for like 15m, and when when i made it back to sit n chill i still need like 10 more minutes akskska. i do not b exercising !! i just wanted 2 play it looked fun and i got excited (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠)

in between things i was working on my sister's choker n kept winding up w a group of ppl around me 2 talk to about it and just talk 2 in general n the company was rly nice (❁´◡`❁) ♡ had a lot of different kinda talks 2day!! everyone is a sweetie!! some ppl r so funny n chill and i rly hope 2 get 2 talk more casually w people perhaps As Friends when i go in 👉👈

there's one girl in particular who is rly cute n sweet and i want 2 see her again ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა when I got home finally i had 2 hop on my work laptop real quick 2 look up her name again 2 make sure i didn't forget ☝️😌 we do not work at the same office but hii i am visiting next week 🐇

yippee!!!! ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა !!!

#i think i have become an introverted extrovert at some point 0: #which is rly nice bc my social anxiety was SO bad at the beginning of the year like i didn't even know where to start skskdksk #but i kinda figured it out? but it's also just being me? idk.. much 2 think. but i made good progress #i am getting a good grade in being funny and nice and talking to people !! #i want 2 kiss someone on the forehead #omg but if there's ANYONE who deserves a kiss it's this old lady who lives a few buildings down on the way to my car #where EVERY time i see her she always has something so so sweet to tell me about how i look #today she said I'm always looking fancy (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) ♡⁠ and more but that's the main thing i remember besides the small talk #and the first time we met she asked me if i was a model fr and she's told me I'm cute and I'm just like PLEASE SKDKDKS #i can't fully tell if you're just really sweet or kinda 👀 at me but girl u r so sweet like hello do u Want a hug or a kiss ?? i love u !! #old ladies have a warmth they fill u with that just take the weight of Everything off ur shoulders n leave u feeling full n happy!! #bless old ladies fr!! literally my favorite people to interact with always i love u abuelas everywhere u r everything to me and i would do #anything for u !!!! i miss getting to help friends grandmas w stuff as a kid 🥺 it was just always great 2 talk 2 them and be close n on #good terms n stuff :3 i was the same way with their moms hehe. hi hello i want 2 help !! (⁠✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚) #my friend is being lame and acting embarrassed but i love you please talk to me i am so so interested and think you're really #cool and funny and sweet and wise actually ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა ♡⁠ i wanna be around u if u wanna hang out #even if it's as simple as getting 2 help in the kitchen n always helping w dishes n stuff ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა aaa ♡⁠ #omg i was late 2 the thing too and missed the breakfast and there's this sweet energetic old lady who's always like #omg u didn't get to eat? do u want this? can i get you some coffee or tea? and I'm always just like no no it's okay I'm gonna get it but #appreciate the offer and just ૮ – ﻌ–ა she is always looking out 4 me !! but she's just a sweetie like that !! #i think sharing food is a universally good way 2 make friends and it always warms my heart 2 meet ppl who r the same (❁´◡`❁) #they r always so so sweet 😭🥰 for my astrology girlies i correctly guessed that she's a taurus hehe 😼 #there's another old lady who's an office manager for one of the offices n she is so soft spoken n sweet and i wish i got 2 hug her n talk #to her more 🥺 she's so far though omg i don't get to see her in person much #n e ways i work w some really warm bubbly ppl ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა i am a happy girlie 2day!! then im going Serious Mode again tmrw 🫡 #oo i get to setup like an Actual server for a rack w linux and it's being delivered 2 my place tomorrow 0: I'm excited abt it as a project #AND my new jewelry came in today along w some cute underwear we r starting this wk off strong !!! #there was so so much more frm 2day i am just rly stoned n thinking abt it all (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠) #if u actually read all of my ramble ily ty for letting me Talk ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა ♡⁠

[raksh-writes]

Somehow, after months of not moving a muscle, I managed to get off my ass and do some light stretching + a whole damn abs routine too, that I still have no idea how I got through it, I remember it being hard on Normal day, and now my whole body is feeling this little workout and I'm like?? WHo are you?

Now to keep it going, tho...

#personal #Raksh posts #the anxiety and stress started creeping in #tho I have A FULL WEEK OFF with no classes nothing #so I was like - I might as well Try to get rid of that nibbling stress #and like damn this feels nice #also made me realize how out of shape I am :''') not that it's a surprise but still #gonna try and keep it up with at least like One thing a day #a couple of stretches or an exercise here and there so it's not just a one time thing (I Am prone to doing that) #tomorrow I have some logistics to maneuver around since Im going to the theater with a couple friends in the evening #and we're meeting earlier in the day for some drinks too bcs my last train is not late enough to go After the spectacle #but anyway I guess I'll try to do some stretches before noon and then figure out food before I go to the train station #damn maybe I can start getting myself back together #like I even started rereading my Voiles stuff - esp the BatB AU #and if I go back to writing it? goodness help me #I Know there are still people reading the ship but oh my god really?? #anyway I had to throw this out of myself I guess xD #Im still debating on making some pizza dough today and maybe making one to eat later hmmm #it's like - me making homemade pizza seems to always be a sign of getting out from some kind of slump/depressive episode #because I never have the energy or motivation when it's Bad but I Love pizza and actually enjoy making it so #yeah we'll see I guess #still half a day ahead hah

[lordsardine]

.

#why are we fighting off anxiety today body can you like shut the fuck up #miscellaneous #just booked plane tickets for the fourth of july week #so that gives me a weekend trip in may and then a week trip end of june/early july #need something for august.......but i uh. fucking got time brain #i also have a full week of plans which is nice #and i got all my cleaning/shopping done and am almost done laundry #so why the fuck i am suddenly wound up is like. Bro™ #maybe a shower will fix me

[moonbeam-fox]

I am so exhausted man, I don't fucking care. I don't care about the woman sleeping in the lobby(I checked her she didn't need to be narcanned so i got her tissues and socks and a protein shake and told her to sleep it off), I don't care about the patient being in the bathroom too long (wtf?) bc she had a tough psych appt, I especially don't care about people smoking weed on the trail. I don't much care to be here by myself, but it is a nice excuse to not be caught working since, yknow, I can't be everywhere at once

#its just crazy stressful rn #my posts #angel is trying to settle her custody battle and now the ex is accusing her of blackmail since she said she wouldnt lie about the abuse #he has a lawyer so there is actually a good chance he will be able to railroad her and get full custody of the kiddo #i cant imagine she would live through that #im doing everything i can but i feel so helpless. even offering up my apt doesn't mean anything bc he still has to sign off #i told that girl i will move into my own living room and you and the boy can have my room but it doesnt matter #so sick of people saying there are resources??!! fucking where?? she has an anxiety diagnosis and watches her special needs boy full time #where are the fucking resources #eggnor my tags i am just on one today maybe i need to eat lunch

[theclearblue]

Great feeling to know you have ADHD because you're therapist and psychiatrist have told you so but you still have to wait 6-12 months to get an official diagnosis to get medicated 😃😃😃

#literally all of my worst symptoms are on full blast today and literally how am i supposed to manage this #i literally know i have it just get me in for the fucking test i'm so mad #i know how to manage my depression/anxiety but it's usually caused by my adhd symptoms 💀

[the-blind-assassin-12]

IS IT TOMORROW YET?!

I wasn’t 100% sure until this morning, which is why I haven’t said anything, BUT… I got my hands on tickets to one of the The Last of Us screenings in NYC tomorrow and a bitch is vibrating with excitement. It’s happening!!

ALSO? I get to see @something-tofightfor and I cannot fucking wait. I’m so goddamn pumped I could cry. I probably will.

#AHHHHHHH I AM SO FULL OF EXCITEMENT!! #normally I’m just full of coffee and anxiety #but not today #today I’m well hydrated and E X C I T E D.

[lovecrazedpup]

just had one of the worst cries of my life i think

#going out soon but idk im just so full of anxiety n everything sucks #ive been throwing up since like 3am too bc im so anxious #like i fucked up last night and it hasnt left my mind #n then i have to join a discord and get interviewed and play a game that i find terrifying bc itll make him happy (first world problems ik) #and now i have to go out to lunch today #which would be great but !! #my jeans are a tiny bit tighter than they usually are which means i gained weight !!!! i havent eaten today so its not bloating !!! #and then i went into the bathroom to look at myself and i saw how bad my eyebags are so i went to put on makeup #but i looked fucking stupid so i took it off and now im just sitting here kinda bawling over how ugly i am #i fucking hate it !! im so disgusting #im so tired i just want to kms and cut #how am i meant to talk to him when i cant stop crying and how am i meant to go outside like this #like im never gonna post my face here but u guys rlly dont know how gross i look #god im gonna meet him in like 4 months dude i fucking cant hes gonna find me so repulsive im going to cry #wtf do i do im so fucked nothing is going to save me #hes just gonna spend like 3 days with me probably fuck me and then just leave me i fucking know it #its so over man its so fucking over someone just run me over with a car #jamie.txt

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#woke up today with a looming sense of dread #i'm sitting here with tears rolling down my face because of minor inconvenients #i have no energy and find no joy in anything... #wouldn't you guess i'm due my period any time now... #every month i'm more convinced i have pmdd... and every month i'm full to the brim with anxiety and depression... #this is SO FUCKING FUN! #also yeah yeah i need to go to a doctor i need to speak to someone about this and i need to get medicated #i don't deserve to feel like this periods shouldn't debilitate you this much etc etc... #i don't think there's a human professional in this country that believes pmdd is a thing enough to medicate me #i know for a fact that my mother (a person i live with and in some way still holds power over me whether on purpose or by my own issues) #doesn't believe is a thing because she's the kind of person who says depressed people just need to ''choose happiness'' so... #not exactly a possibility now #not to mention i FUCKED UP the only regular client i had and now i won't be earning enough money to waste on doctor appointments #just to have some old male doctor tall me my ''womanly problems aren't bad enough'' so... yeah not doing that #ANYWAYS i don't see hope in the world today this will pass in a few weeks and everything will be fine #why don't i go watch good omens and maybe i'll calm down am i right? #lol #angel talks #personal

[cinnamon-grump]

It’s kinda funny, I didn’t think I’d ever feel hurt by someone referring to me with he/him or as “the new guy” but… it’s a little jarring at least, when I’ve got my pronouns literally pinned to my chest.

#in all likelihood this old lady was just trying to be respectful lol #and im not… offended. of course. i certainly prefer it to agressively misgendering me #hard to expect much else when I’m full-beard no-mask and AHHHH #sorry holy shit a bunch of anxiety just hit me mid-though #*thought… rrrhghgh i was really fucking awkward today #i am PROUD OF MYSELF THOUGH! damn it! i tried really fckn hard #and I am all alone there! which !!! ahhh!!!! #i hate it but it also feels good idk im !!!!!!! #shut up ashwyn

[iero]

You guys ever get so sad/angry/worried/any negative emotion really that you can’t eat because I am REALLY feeling that right now... 

#personal #My day was going so well until my bosses pulled me into the office to tell me THAT news. #And now I'm home and I'm like 'Oh shit. Should really try to eat something?' #Made a bowl of cereal and I can barely hold it down... :/ #Like I ate two spoonfuls and my body is like 'You're full.' #Did I manage that I didn't ANYTHING today before this? Like I just had a soda on my lunch break. #*mention #*I didn't eat anything #I love when my body goes into anxiety overdrive like this! It's lovely! :) #Sorry to all my newer followers. You didn't ask for any of these rants today but I am angry and scared at the same time LMAO.

[filet-o-feelings]

ughh why did I say I was available when asked to work 5 minutes before I got home? I was in a perfectly fine mood and now my anxiety is through the roof and I wanted to work on finishing/editing this fic when I got home

#and it's really not even OT because I'm off on Friday unless I still use the full 8 hours PTO I guess #and I'm already anxious about tomorrow because most of the team is off all or half of the day so it's going to be rough #and the thing I'm here for today is my least favorite/most confusing type of shipment #and I'm just waiting for them to send the paperwork so I don't know if I should be clocked in #and I answered questions while I wasn't but now I am and nothing is happening #anyway at least I'm off Friday so I can get my oil changed #and then go to the dmv and get my enhanced license #so I can go to Canada again! #okay thanks for listening (reading? scrolling past unread?) because I think typing this out actually helped? #my anxiety feels a lot more manageable for now

[soldier-poet-king]

manchild uncle CONTINUES to cause problems, he apparently send a VERY NASTY lengthy text to my mother and aunt (his sisters) filled with swearing bc they ‘sided with’ his wife when he was publicly berating her in front of the whole family over literally nothing yesterday and im just. OH BOY OH BOY when my nonna finds out things will either 1) explode bc she is too catholic and old for this shit and maybe he’s FINALLY crossed a line in her mind 2) nothing will happen bc he’s the specialest baby and apparently needs to be coddled like glass and TRULY i hope it’s the former im SO GODDAM TIRED OF HIS SHIT.....every single grandchild is insanely more mature than him. including the 11 yr old. 

unironically come correct or get corrected re: BASIC HUMAN DECENCY AND MANNERS

#franposting #my father and uncle are all like. oh no u cant do that to my wife #im sitting here like. WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I BEEN SAYING ABOUT THIS MAN FOR YEARS #i dont swear in front of my family bc they dont like it. i dont have an issue with it. but their preference is fine #SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN #my dad already got into a physical fight with him when i was a toddler apparently #truly he is. so coddled. such a manchild. needs to go to fuckin therapy or bootcmap or both #and hes babied bc hes the youngest of my nonna's children and the only boy #and uwu had anxiety as a teen. like bitch i have SO MANY mental illnesses #and im 10000x more emotionally mature and less CASUALLY CRUEL than you #and im fightin for my life out here against my brain which is constantly trying to kill me #i am so small and a strict non violence advocate #BUT I AM SO FULL OF RAGE #i maybe. over did it today. im in so much muscle pain from being angry at the gym #but hot DAM im just. let me out of here. let me LEAVE

[a9saga]

the brilliant green - stand by me // the day I run out of tbg videos to post will be the day I stop posting weekly song recs on this blog

#it may be 7am but i know if i don't post this now i probably won't post anything today #and i don't like to have the same pinned post for 3 weeks straight #i wasn't feeling like posting anything too consistently these last couple weeks #i gotta *feel* a song rec man if im gonna queue something i gotta know ill still be playing it by the time it goes up #i listened to the swingin sixties a couple days ago when i was having a lot of anxiety #i think that version of this song may actually be a bit better but you know it's just a good comforting song #bro idek who's getting evicted tonight this is the first week ive honestly been unsure #and i don't even know if i care who goes home! #all i wanna see is how we voted for the superpower competition #i wish either jared or izzy were being backdoored this week tbh over the two actually up for eviction #im done with the way izzy talks to or about people and also jared is saying some gross shit about women on the live feed #that doesn't make the actual cut for the episode #i have two (2) important things i have to do today #one of which is an important virtual meeting at 9 am that my alarm hasn't gone off for yet #yet here i am watching youtube videos and posting songs #i hate being responsible i wish my mummy and daddy had the money to pay for my college in full #and additionally i wish i hadn't been chronically ill for over half my life but here we are doing a damn zoom meeting 🙄 #aight yes im pretty stressed as you can tell #the brilliant green #j rock #tommy #90s j rock #tomoko kawase #shunsaku okuda #ryo matsui #song rec #tbt #shut up kaily #also i hope this band does anything ever again i miss them so much i cant even tell you #Youtube

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

ikr? they didn't invite me either! >:( they just gave me a photo to show me what happened :( BUTTT, here's kitty kat childe to cheer us up <3

~Volkov (not my art work!)

they give us a photo but don't invite us- they're TAUNTING us i tell you!!! taunting us!!!! >:O

*BOOPS KITTY CAT CHILDE'S NOSE* OH HE IS SO CUTE LOOK AT HIS LITTLE EARS AND FLUFFY HAIR AKJFSNKJDSJD

#chit chat #darling mutuals #am i embracing becoming a full on childe lover? #............no. maybe. shhhhhh #foul legacy still the best though #anyways on an entirely different topic aha i'm considering........ using some of my baizhu funds to get childe...... #gah but the TEASING i would have to endure!!!!!! #but........ it'd be really comforting to have him there.................... #once i get baizhu i can make a team of all my faves.................. #decisions decisions!!!!! #whew just finished writing a fic!!! :D #will probably post tomorrow #i'd post today but aha anxiety be like #ooooo the brainrot approachesss i can feel it!!! :D #good evening :)