#I am most proud of the rocks can you believe this

[churipu]

Hiii!! I can ask for jjk men (your choice!) with a girlfriend who doesn't look like it but is like super strong! ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ I have a love for those types of characters<3 thanks in advance!

I hope you are getting better ❤️‍🩹

jjk men & their "looks like a cinnamon roll but could kill" you gf

featuring. gojo satoru, toji fushiguro, nanami kento x fem! reader

warnings. cursing

note. anonnn <33 i absolutely love this one, i have so many speculations for different characters about this request omg, thank you for requesting love, i hope this one is up to par, much love xoxo (and i am feeling so much better now, thank you for checking up on me). OH AND GUESS WHAT? u don't understand how thankful i am to reach 300+ followers in the first week??? u guys rock, ilysm

GOJO SATORU. i feel like he'd feel so betrayed after finding out how you're very strong?? one second he's looking away and then the next second, he looks back and a curse is ready to pounce on you. he grits his teeth when he realizes that — but before he could even do anything, there you were, sending out a strong punch that leaves a gust of wind as a cherry on top.

gojo could only stare at you, jaw dropped. all he could think of was how on earth did you do that and how could someone so...cute and adorable like you send out that kind of punch. honestly, on one side he felt so betrayed to only know of your power now — but on the other side, he's so damn proud of you.

after all of that, you still managed to send him your most innocent smile as if you didn't just almost possibly created a hurricane with that punch of yours. skipping happily and then throwing yourself onto the male, "satoru!"

"you never cease to surprise me, baby." he chuckles.

and you blinked at him innocently, a little confused at what he's talking about. at first gojo thought you were just pretending not to know, but when he realized that you actually didn't know, it dawned upon him that maybe you didn't even realize how strong you actually are.

"y/n, you just obliterated a curse."

"oh. oh. yeah! i did."

yeah, you definitely weren't aware of your own strength. which surprised gojo even more.

TOJI FUSHIGURO. he's always thought that protecting you was one of his main duty, and believe me when i say that toji is always on guard for anything that could possibly send harm your way. feral animals, harmful plants, annoying babies, curses, anything he finds annoying — he just assumes you don't like them either.

despite not having a cursed energy, toji is strong. anyone would agree with that. so when he settled in with you, someone who radiates such loving and gentle aura, toji made it his job to keep you out of harm's way.

but apparently, you've got that under covered.

being in a relationship meant going out on dates occasionally, right? however, some people do not understand the meaning of "i have a boyfriend" and it annoys you. so when toji was away to fetch a few things and you were left alone, a stranger felt like it was the best time to hit on you.

"saw ya' from a couple of minutes ago, thought you're cute. we should hang out."

obviously the word "no" didn't work as he kept on bothering you, and you do know how people react when they don't get what they want sometimes? they just plain out throw words to boost up their ego and deny their own embarrassment. it's funny.

"whatever. ya' aren't that cute anyways." everything began out as an exchange of words — until anger consumes the best out of them. the male got ready to swung his hand on you.

and believe me when i say that toji was having the time of his life watching you exchange angry words with the guy, until he saw the male raise his hand. toji was about to drop everything and come to your rescue, but stopped when you smacked the stranger across his face harshly it sent him stumbling over his own feet.

toji chuckled lightly, although surprised. that day, i swore he promised himself not to get on your bad side (also, he thought it was pretty hot of you). he told you he'd been watching from afar, and was so ready to be your knight in shining armor.

apparently, you are your own knight in shining armor.

NANAMI KENTO. for the longest time, nanami has stood his ground in defending you from malices and curses. some of the people do not like the idea of you and him together, especially girls who failed to obtain his attention (obviously). and he'd always be the one to tell them to piss off and not to butt in his relationship.

you were just a normal businesswoman working normal office hours, and nanami — well, he's a pretty busy man. but he has made himself visible to your work environment a couple of times, mostly because you were clumsy enough to forget your bento box that you made for yourself before going to work.

and apparently that few times was enough to make girls swoon over your boyfriend. honestly, you could care less. you trust nanami. but things went rock bottom when this one particular girl, a co-worker who was obviously jealous of you. and she doesn't hesitate in showing that to you.

"accidentally" spilling coffee on you, "accidentally" stepping on your foot with her heels, "accidentally" bumping into you, "accidentally" elbowing your head when she walks by. just everything in an attempt to get a reaction out of you so she could possibly play the victim card.

you brushed her every attempt off, although it bothered you quite a bit. but your last straw was when she "accidentally" ruined the report you've been working on for the past week, sacrificing your rest and sweat for it — only for her to dump down a cup of iced macchiato on it the day you were supposed to hand it in to your boss.

you've just had enough of her, and this was not something you can brush off like her other "accidents" because this report would affect your position in the company (and possibly get you fired). but at this point, do you even care? no, no you don't.

"so, is this the part where i hit her?" you ask another co-worker who was there in the room when everything happened, and they nervously shook their head, "really? i feel like this is the part where i do."

so when you did send a punch to her jaw, your other co-workers were quick to run find help (your boss). and all it took was one punch to make the girl wobble weakly, her knees buckling.

oh, and your boss wasn't too happy about your resort in violence, especially in the work area.

"i don't care, i'm fired anyways." you took off the company's id card that was hanging from around your neck and tossed it onto the table before packing your bag to leave.

your boss wasn't the only unhappy one, you were too. and nanami as well.

"it isn't my fault, kento."

"i know, darling. i'm not saying it's your fault, i'm just surprised...that's all."

well, that was the first time you've ever threw a punch to someone. and the first time you've ever been fired, so yes. it is a surprise to nanami, but to you? you were expecting it sooner or later with the pace of how that co-worker was going in with her shenanigans.

"she was pushing it."

nanami was silently proud of you for being able to defend yourself though, "well, at the end of the day, you won the fight. right?"

© CHURIPU 2023 , DO NOT COPY OR REPOST ANYWHERE !

#jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #fluff #jjk fluff #gojo fluff #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #toji fushiguro #toji fushigro x reader #toji fluff #nanami kento #nanami kento x reader #nanami x reader #female reader #nanami fluff

[greycaelum]

Please this reminded me of kaleidoscope. I believe that the gojo kids are chunky babys🤣🤣

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8P9MEGg/

TRUEEEEEE~ I didn't get to give you anything last week so I'll make it a drabble~ I hope you like it! Chonky sunshine babies~ Happy December everyone!!

CW: suggestive hints at the end, nothing too much~

Kouki had breast milk for his whole first year.

"He's chonky..." Satoru rubbed his face against the squishy mallowy, chompable cheeks of his 10-month-old son you are feeding on your rocking chair by the engawa of your home. Satoru is sitting on the floor while watching you nurse the little boy close to drifting into dreamland.

Kouki has always had a good appetite and was very easy to nurse. So much so that you had to start scheduling his feeding or else if you didn't he would be too chonky and too heavy to lift.

"Can we keep him just like this? Look he's the most precious thing you probably have seen in your life!" Satoru rested his chin on your knees and flashed you his puppy eyes trying to convince you to feed the little mochi more.

"Chonky baby is cute but he'll drain me if I just let him." You kissed the thin sheen of hair on your son's head, as white as snow like his father. Kouki's lashes fluttered, unlatching from you, and he scrunched his nose to snuggle in your chest, yawning for a bit before closing his drowsy eyes back to sleep.

"I'll burp him, lemme..." Satoru opened his arms and gently rubbed Kouki's back. It didn't take long for the little mochi to burp. For some reason, he always burps fast when it's his Papa.

"Satoru don't!"

Chomp

Your eyes widen at your husband sneaking in a bite to the sleeping baby's cheeks, too cute to resist utterly waking a grumpy sleepy mochi.

"Satoru!"

Satoru rubbed the back of his head as he tried to soothe the little mochi up.

"Sorry Honey, he was just too cute to resist."

Saika although a pretty small baby has also been breastfed a year and 2 months because it took her quite a while to get used to formula.

It's 2:30 am and it's the Little Treasure's time for milk. Satoru is away for an overseas mission so you have to deal with the night feeding as well. Tired and reluctant, you parted ways with your soft pillow to reach for the bassinet only to be met with an empty space.

Chill ran down your spine as you shot up in panic only to be met by the scene of your drowsy husband sitting on your rocking chair with Saika in his arms suckling on her milk bottle.

"Go back to sleep Honey, I'll put her back after she finishes." Satoru yawned and smiled softly in your direction.

"But you haven't slept yet..." You felt relieved your daughter wasn't fussy. The little one is a little more sensitive and has been quite protected because of the incident before her birth.

"It's fine, look she's too precious when she drinks milk, I can't possibly take my eyes off her." Satoru grinned down at his daughter, suckling despite asleep. "She's so tiny... So precious..." He murmured as he held the bottle of milk for her. "She's perfect."

You smiled at them bonding in the wee hours of dawn as you returned to sleep. By the next morning, it came as no surprise to see Satoru cramped inside Saika's crib, sound asleep as the little Treasure blinked up to you innocently holding her empty milk bottle.

"Ma..mma!"

Bonus:

"What are you looking at?" You warily glanced at your husband when you asked him to help you with the hook of your bra since it's hard for you to reach. Pregnancy for the third time has made you quite adept in asking him for help since if you won't he will pester you and follow you around until he gets to help you with something.

Satoru hummed and kissed your nape, looking at the mirror as he hugged you from the back with his face slotted in the space of your shoulder. A proud smile adorned his lips as he slowly reached to cup your heavy breast and his other hand protectively caress your heavy baby bump sending shivers down your spine.

"You're so sexy, Honey." Satoru praised you peppering kisses to your skin as he sucks on your neck leaving a love bite before staring back at your reflection in the mirror with a satisfied smirk at your flushed state. "If your milk comes before the babies, can I have a taste test first?"

—GreyCaelum

PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME

Check out the Masterlist for more

All rights and credits of the Jujutsu Kaisen character(s) mentioned images(s) and songs(s) used, belongs to their respective owner(s)

General/Kaleidoscope Series Taglist: @ice-icebaby @aeanya @gummy-dummy @tender-rosiey @lexiene @nevermoresworld @loml-riri @pelicanpizza @emichou-chan

#kaleidoscope series #gojo munchkins👀 #c&mchapters #married gojo fluff #jjk dad gojo satoru #jjk dad gojo #gojo saika #gojo kouki #gojo satoru x reader #jjk fluff #greycaelum #dadgojo #jjk dad gojo fluff #jjk gojo married fluff #married gojo satoru #gojo satoru x wife #gojo x pregnant reader

[xo-cod]

So~ I am a proud member of the ‘Mysterious Bruises Club’ I always have a bruise or two (or more) someone on my body either do to my job or for some random reason, I also bruise like a peach so not even a hard hit can mark me.

How would the 141 guys react tot their beloved Hyperfem! Reader being apart of the Mysterious Bruises Club?

price: this mans is already frazzled trying to keep everyone alive lmfaoo, if he sees you rocking up with new bruises he's instantly pulling you aside secretly, wanting to know who cause you any pain and ready to strike at them

simon: a firm believer of act now speak later. if he sees a bruise on you, immediately will demand to know where you got it from and which poor bastard he's gonna have to take out. no questions asked, he's ready to lay down lives for you fr

gaz: the most rational of the bunch, will get very worried when he sees bruises on your skin but will calm down when you tell him what the cause is. shaking his head everytime you roll up with a new bruise and hellbent on making your surrounding a little less sharp and painful

soap: no one messes w his loved ones, if he sees a bruise on you it's instantly game over. all that happy demeanor is down the drain. he's on you like a dog with a bone, will want to know exactly how and what time you got this bruise. you'll have to pull him back from attacking someone else in his anger

#asks #simon riley #john price #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #141 x reader

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: Wormdebut! Wormdebut has published 18 fics on AO3 all in the steddie tag!

@thefreakandthehair recommends the following works by @wormdebut:

Tell Eddie He Looks Sexy With His Hair Pushed Back

Kiss Your Knuckles (Before You Punch Me In The Face)

Hell Bent For Leather

All You Have Is Your Fire

It Feels Like Fourteen Carats But No Clarity (When I Look At The Man Who Would Be King)

Worm is incredible! For a humble worm, they sure know how to write fanfiction. ;) But seriously, Worm has a way of exploring different dynamics in such depth with an immense amount of care that's so obvious in the finish products! -- @thefreakandthehair

Below the cut, Wormdebut answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

These two idiots inspire me. I mean look at them. I think the thing I love about Steve and Eddie is that to me they are destined to be together. Post-Canon, Alternate Universe. It doesn’t matter. They are meant to be together in any scenario. I could and will write about these two forever.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

Rockstar Eddie, baby. I love some good sex, drugs and rock and roll.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Is safe (mostly)sane and consensual BDSM a trope? I like to write that. 😂

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

Tuesday’s Gone With The Wind - Thisapplepielife there is nothing quite like reading this for the first time. I truly thought I was going to explode as it was being updated.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

Omegaverse! I have a fic in the worm vault that will come out eventually. Wormegaverse. It’s coming. I’m fucking stoked for it.

What is your writing process like?

Hoooboy. It’s a mess. I cannot write an outline to save my life. (I’m looking at you King of Hell Eddie fic. I know you need an outline okay?) I tend to write in order, but if I get stuck I will skip a scene or two ahead so I can figure out how to squish two pieces of a story together OR I will write little notes about my intentions and skip it and come back. (My favorite note of all time is when I wrote “spit kink shit.” So I could remember my very pure intentions)

Do you have any writing quirks?

Boy do I! I tend to go into like writing fugue states where I will just bust out thousands of words in a sitting and if I am not doing that I am thinking and over thinking about when im gonna fugue out again. I also get really stressed when it actually comes time to write a sex scene? Weird, I know. But every single one is super important to me and I want to make sure they read well. My friends can attest that I am an absolute basket case when it comes to me writing Steve and Eddie getting down and dirty.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

God when I’m done. I am NOT great at posting chaptered fics but I am trying to get better with it? I prefer writing larger pieces though. I am an over-thinker to a fault and for some reason I stress less with one-shots.

Which fic are you most proud of?

It’s gotta be Kiss Your Knuckles. That fic is everything to me. But my Boys Who Kiss series is also so fucking important to me. Those two have so much more to tell y’all and I can’t wait to share their lives with you. I’m a musician so any of my fics that are heavily laced with performance and song are very special.

How did you get the idea for Kiss Your Knuckles (Before You Punch Me In The Face)?

I remember listening to Twin Size Mattress one day and I was like—Holy Shit, this is so Steddie-Coded it hurts. And it’s post-canon AND Rockstar Eddie? Incredible. The words just screamed Eddie Behavior and I knew Steve had to write a one-hit wonder about how he felt.

When writing Kiss Your Knuckles (Before You Punch Me In The Face), what was something you didn’t expect?

Oh I sobbed when I finished it. I couldn’t believe that I had actually finished it. It truly means the world to me and I wanted to share it with you all so badly. I cried for like an hour.

What inspired It Feels Like Fourteen Carats But No Clarity (When I Look At The Man Who Would Be King)?

Honestly? Tumblr user @ghosttotheparty had made a post about the scenario that Fourteen Carats is about and I messaged them and was like hey listen I want to take a shot at this, if that’s okay. Fourteen Carats is the first fully formed fic that I have ever posted aside from tumblr Drabbles and while I personally don’t love it I keep it up just in case someone somewhere does. 😂

What was your favorite part to write from All You Have Is Your Fire?

OH. Absolutely just eluding to Tattoo Legend and Icon, Jim Hopper. God he so fucking hot neat.

How do/did you feel writing Tell Eddie He Looks Sexy With His Hair Pushed Back?

I felt some type of a way, clearly. I think this is my favorite Eddie that I have ever written (My favorite Steve is Kiss Your Knuckles Steve) and he just kept getting more and more interesting. Like who the hell fucks you and speaks French while they do it? Tell Eddie Eddie does. And thank god for that guy.

What was the most difficult part of writing Hellbent For Leather?

Writing sub/bottom Eddie! I did this fic as a gift for tumblr user @gorgeousgreymatter-x (love you bitch) and it was hard because I don’t often write that dynamic, but god damn I loved these two Steddies.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

Ah— “It is, and I do.” Something about French chef Eddie, really—yeah. I am proud of everything I have written but if I can be honest with you I rarely remember what I have done. I often joke that it’s simply Steve and Eddie in my brain just writing what they want, because people will quote my work or talk to me about a scene and I’m like—‘I wrote that?? Nice.’

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

WELL. Once I can break myself out of this accidental hiatus I am so excited to share more of For Your Entertainment with yall. I am also so fucking excited to share King Of Hell Eddie with the world. I can’t fucking wait. I am working on a ‘Came Back Wrong’ fic that is less scary and more comedic and I am stoked for that. I have quite a few things that are happening and I am just so fucking excited to share them all with you. 

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Just thank you. Thank you for reading and thanks for letting me be a part of all of this. I have not felt this inspired and loved in a long fucking time and I’m not going anywhere so I hope yall will stick around for the wild ride. Fucking love you.

Thank you to our author, Wormdebut, and our nominator, @thefreakandthehair! See more of Wormdebut's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

#writer's spotlight #steddie #steddie fic recs #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #stranger things #steddie writers #writer's wednesday

[endthedream]

a sweet melody

pairing: siren!haechan x human!reader (she/her)

summary: Insanity isn’t what she expected to receive when she joined her father and his crew on an expedition, full of men who think she isn’t capable of anything. But it’s all that she got after seeing nothing but endless water every single day. Maybe that’s why her mind started imagining a strange boy who finally shows her the appreciation she deserves. Maybe that’s why she ignores the way she can’t escape the trance he puts her in whenever he sings a melody for her. Or maybe everything is real, and the boy isn’t who he pretending to be.

words: 12.5k

story colour: green

some warnings:

it’s angst, the word “killing” gets mentioned a few times but nothing happens, heavy manipulation

masterlist of ‘nct dream as super natural creatures’

August 2nd, 1878

Day 25 on sea

I don’t remember the feeling of solid ground under my feet. Grass under my toes, touching stone walls or sleeping in a soft bed that isn’t rocking from the waves crashing against the ship.

I don’t remember the taste of air that isn’t filled with salt. The taste of anything other than fish.

I don’t remember not being nauseous every day, not fighting against boredom, not having to talk to myself in order to stay sane. Having to remind myself that I am me and this expedition isn’t pointless and could possibly make us rich until the day we die.

Father told me to write down my thoughts, he senses that I’m slowly losing my mind. But how can’t I? All I see, day and night, are endless expanses of water. No land in sight. We are miles and miles away from civilization. Alone with the sea and what lays beneath it. That thought can be frightening sometimes.

My brother called me a wimp, told me I should have just stayed at home and let the men handle it. I think he is the one who is a wimp. He’s scared of the power women can hold in a world that is overpowered by men. He doesn’t want me here, thinks I belong only at home like the other women in our city. But I don’t believe that even for one second. I have so much more potential than cooking and taking care of children. I’m an explorer, an adventurer, a researcher. I belong exactly here with my brother, my father and his crew.

I am so much more than all of them point me out to be and I know I can prove exactly that to them. I can prove that women can do all things men have been doing for years, maybe even better. I will prove it, even if it makes me go insane.

August 7th, 1878

Day 30 on sea

I miss my mother. I miss her comforting words, her warm arms and the smell of her perfume. Father misses her too. We talked last night while watching the waves under the moonlit sky. He told me he thinks she is watching over us, protecting us from unknown dangers. He told me that he thinks she is proud of us, especially me, for having the courage to explore the sea. I think he is right. Mother would have loved for us to do the things she always dreamt of doing. Exploring. She always wanted to know what lays beyond the sea, know the secrets behind it and write it all down.

Mother was the creative one in our family. She wrote poems, drew beautiful paintings and crafted useful things out of our waste. There was nothing she couldn’t do, no challenge she couldn’t face. I admired her for that, looked up to her and wanted to be like her. Father says that sometimes he sees a bit of her in me, a bit of her creativity leaking out of my aura, but most of the time I am like him. A big pighead who is way too nosy for their own good. But he also said that this trait will help me on our journey.

“We need people like you.”, he spoke as he looked into the sparkling reflection of the stars on the water. “People who are brave and people who are inquisitive. People who don’t stop when it gets too much and get driven by the passion of wanting to know what lays beneath the unknown. That’s why I want you here.”

“But why did you bring my brother as well? He is nothing like that.” My comment made him let out a quiet laugh, a sound I haven’t heard from him in a while.

“Because he can fight. We need people like that as well.”

Our talk was over after that. He went to sleep, and I stayed up, watching the stars in the dark night sky and thinking about his words. Does he really want me here or is he just being nice to me because I’m his daughter? The others on the ship are not shy to express their dislike for me. I’m not taking it to heart since they care more about my gender than my capabilities. But I care about my father’s opinion. I care what he thinks about me being on this ship with him and if he thinks that I should have stayed at home like everyone else is telling me.

I hope he didn’t lie to me. I hope that his words were sincere, and he actually wants me to be here. Because I think it would shatter me if he didn’t.

I figured I should talk more about my current mental state. Every day I try not to show how much it affects me that even though there are so many people on this ship, I’m still alone. No one wants to talk to me, no one cares about my opinion, and no one wants me here. I spend most of the day watching the ocean, listening to the waves and the birds stopping by. When I see something, an animal or even just seaweed, I write it down and draw a picture of it. It helps me a bit, I think, but I’m not quite sure.

Yesterday a boy, his name is Jisung, let me help him prepare a fish. It was the first time someone had spoken to me without throwing an insult at my head. I haven’t seen him much around the ship since he spends most of the time in the kitchen with his father. But he seemed nice enough, even though as soon as another crew member approached us, Jisung ran away from me, not wanting to be seen with the “intruder”. I wasn’t offended by it, at least I got to eat a nice fish for dinner.

But I’m wandering again. My mental state. I do think I’m getting a bit… well, crazy. But who isn’t? Everyone on this ship is going through the withdrawal of feeling solid ground under their toes and seeing anything other than salt water every single day.

I think we all are slowly losing it.

August 15th, 1878

Day 38 on sea

The air was nice today. It smelled fresher than before, kind of like we entered a new world overnight.

It just felt so clean.

Maybe that’s exactly what I needed, some fresh and clear air, something that removed the mess inside of me as well. Father said that fresh air always helps with an occupied mind. I guess his thesis has been proven right.

I should listen to him more.

He is old and keeps to himself most of the time, but when he actually does talk, it has an impact. Just yesterday two of the men on the boat accidently- in a drunken manor- knocked over two wooden boxes full of fish we haunted, leaving us with not much left. Father was furious, I could tell by the look on his face, but he kept his calm image. He went up to the two men and instead of screaming, he just stared at them for a few minutes. I think his eyes were what intimated them the most.

“You realize what you just did?”, he asked them, and I never heard his voice being so cold. They just nodded their heads, eyes widened like they were deer’s getting hunted by a wolf. “You realize what that means for the two of you?” Hesitation lingered in their demeanor. Clearly, they didn’t know what consequences followed their stupid mistake.

“Since you prevented us from having a week stock of fish, I’m going to do the same to you. That means limited access to food, no alcohol anymore and you are going to clean the boat from front to back. I want to see it spotless. Are we clear?” Again, their heads nodded faster than the wind blowing my hair away. They hurried off after being dismissed, leaving me standing there as father let out a long sigh.

It must be hard, having to be in charge of a bunch of grown men who act like children. And it must be hard seeing your own children having to face some of their own hardships as well. I’m not saying my brother is having a hard time on this ship, I’m saying in general. Someone filled with that much piled up anger, like my brother, must have some troubles they can’t communicate themselves.

It’s not like I have never tried. Talking to him, I mean. I did, plenty of times. But he never listens. And he never talks. I think it is the masculinity they force upon boys these days. It starts in school when they are just little fellows and continues all the way into adult hood. It teaches them not to cry, to hide their emotions and be strong.

I think that is stupid. I think that as human beings we were created to show our emotions. It’s our darn right to let ourselves feel everything freely without having to hide it.

But my brother is taking it seriously, says that the people in school would make fun of him if he’s showing weakness. Weakness. That is stupid. I think that hiding your emotions and building up this wrong image in which you hide behind a made-up strength, is what makes you weak.

I told him that and he just said: “And that’s why you’re a woman. You wouldn’t survive a minute being a man.”

And you wouldn’t survive a minute being a woman either. But I didn’t say that. I didn’t want to make him more upset, and I especially didn’t want to start a discussion about men and women with him. It is pointless, because no matter what I say, he will never see us as equals.

I wish I were closer to my brother. I wish he wouldn’t have to think about all this stupid stuff. And I wish I could live in a world where I could freely express myself without having to justify my every move.

I wish, I wish, I wish.

August 19th, 1878

Day 42 on sea

We saw dolphins today. They were swimming right beside our ship, jumping high up into the air and whistling at us. It was a magical moment, watching them happily swim, eager to interact with us. I even got to draw a picture of them. And for a moment I forgot that my mind is constantly spinning in a spiral. I just sat there, enjoying the short moment of peace, before it got destroyed.

Some of the men on the ship, clearly drunk, threw bottles at the dolphins, slurring insulting words at them. The dolphins swam away shortly after, but the bottles stayed where they threw them, in the ocean. I was so mad that I went up to one of the men, yelling some pretty mean words as well.

“Are you out of your mind, you drunk filthy piece of shit? Not only did you hurt poor helpless animals that were clearly eager to interact with us, but you also polluted the ocean with your stupid bottles of alcohol. Are you really that messed up in your head to think this was a good idea? I don’t even get why you are on this god forsaken ship. You are clearly not good for anything other than drinking your days away and only caring about yourselves. And you call yourself a man. You are nothing but a pathetic little boy, wanting everyone’s attention. You disgust me, you pig.”

I can’t remember much afterwards, only the stinging feeling against my cheek, a foot against my rip cage and someone yelling to stop. I woke up not long ago. The ship is quiet, so I assume it’s already in the middle of the night and everyone is sleeping, but I’m too scared to look. My body hurts, every time I move only a slight bit, a crushing pain curses through my bones.

When I close my eyes, everything is spinning, so I don’t close my eyes anymore.

I don’t regret what I said to that man. I don’t regret standing up to myself. I had to endure a worse treatment for a longer time and could handle it. It is not my fault that he couldn’t handle a bit of critique. All I hope is that this pain will go away soon. The pain inside and outside.

I’ve been thinking, maybe a bit too much. What if I change my way of thinking? What if instead of letting the ocean hurt me, I will let it heal me? What if instead of letting the loneliness consume me, I will let it lead me? Maybe all I have to do to get better is to change the way I approach this expedition.

And now that I have written it down, I will have to do it. My mother always said words only count when you write them on a piece of paper. In that way it is like a contract, unbreakable. It is like an oath you swear only to yourself, and those should be the most precious ones. She said you should always keep the promises you give to yourself, because after all, at the very end you will always have yourself to count on. Mother was a wise lady. A wise and confident woman, that I always looked up to. She was never afraid to speak her mind and stand up for her beliefs, I admired that side of her so much. And I know my dad also admired that.

Sometimes I forget that he lost his wife, I forget that he is still grieving. Because it looks so easy for him. It doesn’t look like he is compulsively taken of on a ship to “explore the unknown” just to get away from home and the recuring memories of the woman he loved so dearly. It looks like he created a team of the best- that’s arguable- men out there and took of to explore. He looks like a hero, not a broken man.

He hides everything so well. I wish he would have taught me how to do that.

August 20th, 1878

Day 43 on sea

Dad told me not to move too much. He thinks my rips are badly bruised and I need a few days, maybe even a few weeks to heal. We don’t have a qualified doctor on this ship, so I am just putting ice on my ribs and hope they will magically heal.

My brother even came to my room to ask me about my well-being. That was the last thing I expected to be quite honest with you. My brother and I have never had the best relationship. He was never a reliable soul, always easily influenced by others. He is a follower not a leader and that shows in the way he behaves towards others, especially towards me.

“Are you fine?”, he asked me, voice unusually soft. I could see it in his eyes, the pity that lies in them. It looked like he actually cares.

“Forgetting the circumstances, yes, I am fine.” He let out a long and deep breath, a hand stroking back a piece of hair that fell into his eyes. I should have asked him if I should cut his hair for him.

“Okay.”, he just answered, nodding his head before standing up again. “If you need anything, just call for me.” Without looking at me again, he left the room. All I could do after that was smile. It was the first encounter since we were kids that didn’t end up with me wishing I would never have to talk to him again. He may not know how to express what he is really feeling and is scared of voicing his own thoughts, but this small conversation showed me that he may not be all too bad.

August 25th, 1878

Day 48 on sea

I am going crazy. I sit on my bed every single day. I draw, I write, and I stare at the wall.

I can feel my thoughts circle around my brain, nothing makes sense. No one visited me in the past two days, and it makes the urge to get up even worse. I didn’t really have someone to talk to from the beginning, but at least I got to be around some living beings. I didn’t have to bear my own thoughts for such a long time. Now I’m not only alone, but I’m also lonely as well.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt about the ship sinking. It was absurd because the men drunk too much and their bellies got so bloated, it made the ship sink. But that wasn’t the frightening part. As I tried to swim for safety, my arms already hurting, I started hearing voices. Not just two, must have been a hundred of them. All of them whispering to me, but I couldn’t understand what they were trying to tell me. I kept swimming and swimming, far behind I saw hills. The voices didn’t stop. It felt like they were entering me, taking over every part of my body. My head felt like it was about to explode into a million pieces. They got louder and louder until I couldn’t take it anymore. I stopped swimming, letting myself sink. The water engulfed my whole body, entering my mouth and filling my lungs. The voices got quieter and quieter until there was only one left, loud and clear, telling me to “wake up”.

That’s when I opened my eyes, sweat dripping from my forehead and my breath uncontrollably fast. I never had a dream like that. I never woke up so disorientated. I wanted to tell someone about this dream, have someone explain to me what the meaning behind it is. I wanted to know if I’m really losing my mind.

August 27th, 1878

Day 50 on sea

I am losing my mind.

This can’t be real. I am writing this down to make sure I am wide awake and not dreaming.

I woke up from a noise. At first, I thought I was imagining it, because lately I’ve been imagining a lot of things. I wanted to go back to sleep, being exhausted from, well, doing absolutely nothing all day long, but then I heard it again.

It wasn’t just a noise. It was a melody, a very beautiful one. It sounded like the gateway to heaven, like it was sung by angels. And it made me feel drowsy.

I knew I needed to rest more, but something about this melody pulled me in. It made me forget the throbbing pain in my body and the events that happened days before. All it made me want to do was reach it, engrave it into my skin. It made me want to never hear anything else.

I was in a trance, no thoughts inside my head anymore.

So, I got up, walked out onto the deck of the ship to find out where this melody comes from. But when I reached the deck, I didn’t expect to see a boy sitting on the railing.

But it wasn’t an ordinary boy. Oh, no. Not like the ones I’ve seen in my town growing up. I can’t describe him in any other way than captivating. His jet-black hair softly swayed in the night wind, covering his eyes every few seconds. His cheeks adopted a soft rosy color from the coldness, contrasting the tan of his skin. And his eyes were almost as dark as the night sky.

I don’t know why I stared at him for such a long time, and I don’t know why he let me.

“You’re here.” Those were his first words. The first time I heard his voice. A voice that made time stop for a moment. I couldn’t hear the waves crashing against each other anymore, or the cracking of the old wood the ship was built with. I couldn’t even hear my heartbeat pumping against my chest. All I could hear was him. “I was waiting for you.”

“Who are you?” That was not what I wanted to ask him at that moment, but the sane part of my brain must have sensed that something wasn’t right. Something about the way my body reacted to this strange man was dubious.

“Haechan.”, he spoke with a soft voice, turning his body so that he fully faced me. A smirk was placed on his lips, only intensifying his tantalizing physique. “And you are?”

“Y/n.” My name came out in a mere whisper, fearing that my voice might have broken if I spoke any louder. I couldn’t stop staring at him, still having been sure that my mind was playing a trick on me or, well, still is.

For days no one has checked in on me, no one has talked to me more than five words. I’ve been on this ship for way too long seeing nothing but the endless nothingness of the sea. My mind has been plagued with recuring thoughts, never once having a quiet moment. Maybe this is the final sign. Maybe this is it. I am insane. So insane that I’m imagining a boy sitting on the rail of the ship just so that I have someone to talk to.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” Reaching one hand out, the boy signaled me to come closer to him. Every part of my body longed to take his hand and sit on the rail with him, but doubts started floating my brain.

“What are you doing here? How did you get on this ship?” Haechan, as I learned his name, just chuckled, a low sound that was so different from his honey voice. He looked amused at my asking, almost like he was making fun of me.

“Why did you come out here, Y/n?” I remember frowning at him, clearly feeling upset that he chose to ignore my question and ask one of his own. I felt upset that this boy, which I probably made up in my mind, didn’t show any respect for me at all. He, just like the others, ignores what I have to say, and I didn’t want to get treated that way, not after what happened last time.

So, instead of answering him, I turned around, heading back to my bed. But before I could even take a step, the melody I heard earlier started again. All the thoughts that I had in my mind at that moment flew away and I was, yet again, caught in a trance. It was like I couldn’t escape, even if I wanted to.

“It’s you.”, I whispered, but he still heard me. I knew that because the melody got louder, clearer. I closed my eyes, letting his voice enter every part of my body. I let it fill me up and shut me down at the same time. I let it rearrange my mind and mend my wounds, but I also let it cut me open and bleed me dry. I gave myself into the sweet penetration of his honey laced voice and wanted nothing more than to make all his wishes and desires come true. I would have given him the world if it was possible. My whole body felt like it was floating on top of a cloud, high up in the sky and there was no way of ever coming down again. I was trapped.

“Come closer.”, he murmured, voice deeper and almost impending.

“No.”, I quivered, suddenly scared of ever opening my eyes again.

“Please, Y/n.”, he pleaded, and I could nearly hear the desperation in his voice. “Just please look at me.” And so, I did. He was not sitting on the rail anymore, he was standing right in front of me. A small smile on his lips and one hand stretched out to me. “Come closer please. I don’t want anything else from you.”

And as I was about to take the step towards him, give in to his demand and the growing need inside of me to grant all his wishes, I heard a voice behind me, calling out my name and breaking the trance I was in.

“Y/n?”

Turning around, I saw my brother standing further away from me, dressed in his nightly gown. “What are you doing out of your bed? You should rest, your body isn’t fully healed yet.”

“I was just talking to…” But when I looked for Haechan again, no one was standing there anymore. It was like I was alone all along. “I don’t know what I was doing.”

Suddenly I felt all the pain rush back into my body, my bones burning with fire, and I let out a loud groan as I fell to my knees.

“Y/n.” My brother rushed towards me, helping me up with his arms around me. “For someone who always seems so smart, you really aren’t the brightest.” I couldn’t even laugh at his words, my mind was too focused on the pain all over my body.

“You must have been sleep walking if you can’t remember what you were doing up there.” My brother said as he laid me back down into my bed and reached into a bucket of water to put a wet rag on my forehead. “Sleep now, okay? I will stop by in the morning again and check on you.” All I could do was nod my head at him, exhaustion consuming my body. He looked at me one last time before he left my room again.

And now I’m sitting here, writing in my foolish dairy and reminiscing about the strange boy I met. I must have imagined him. How could anyone come up onto the ship? I didn’t see another boat, nor did any other member of the crew. And the possibility of someone appearing out of the blue is also not likely.

The only possibility that is left is that I am losing my mind. That I imagined all of it out of pure loneliness and frustration. This expedition should have been educational for me. It should have proven to all the men that I, as a woman, can do what they can do. That I can be an explorer, a brave one even, and that I have the ability to find something new. That is why we started this journey, because we wanted to discover unknown things.

But all I am doing now is proving everyone exactly what they think of me, that I am small and weak. That I am not an explorer and that I should have just stayed at home. That I am not brave and definitely not smart. I proved to them that I am fragile and well, mental.

But no one has to know about it. No one has to know what happens in my head or the things I imagine. No one has to know I am practically insane and desperate. I could just simply fake it. Isn’t that what everyone does? Faking confidence.

Maybe if I fake it long enough and convince everyone that what they are saying and thinking about me is wrong, I might convince myself as well. Maybe I can convince my brain I’m fine while pretending to be.

So, from now on, everything’s okay. I am not insane, and I certainly am not imagining weird things.

I am okay.

Everything is okay.

August 29th, 1987

Day 52 on sea

Everything is not okay.

Yesterday the boy didn’t show up again. I wasn’t exactly looking for him, since my father spent most of the night in my room making sure I wouldn’t ‘sleep-walk’ again, but I can’t lie and say I wasn’t disappointed not to hear his beautiful melody again.

I asked my dad if there is a word for the feeling of craving for someone, for feeling like the person took a part of you with them when they left and you long to be reunited with them. When all your thoughts are consumed with them, and your body is itching to be in the mere presence of that person. But also fearing the actual return of that person and the power they hold over you and your emotions. He told me it is called “withdrawal”.

“It is mostly referred to drugs such as alcohol.”, he explained to me as he tried to brush out the knots in my hair. “But I think it can be applied to humans as well. You know, sometimes we long for people we can’t have or people that aren’t good for us. We see the signs, but we ignore them. We give in to the sweet yearning and get hurt in the process. But if we don’t give in and the yearning grows stronger, we crave it even more. We think about the person every day, imagine their scent, their eyes, their voice. We imagine them being in a room with us, talking and laughing with us. We do the things that are most painful to us just to have what we long for, even if we know it’s not good for us. And it hurts, physically and emotionally.”

I turned around to look at him, inspect his face and read what he was feeling when he said those things. “It sounds like you have experience with that feeling.” My father just shrugged and at that moment he looked older. He looked like an old man who has been through too much in his life. A man who deserves a break.

“I’ve been around much longer than you, dear. There were mistakes made and hearts torn, but it all worked out at the end.”

“How?”, I ask, curious as to how such a sad feeling still turned into something good.

“Because I got you, and your brother. That’s my happy ending.” I wanted to cry. I wanted to storm into his arms and never let him go. But I didn’t do any of those things. I just smiled at him, nodded my head and hoped that was enough for him. Because while his words filled my heart to the brim with love, my body still ached, not from the pain but for the boy I only met once in my life.

That’s why I tried to ignore the melody a few hours ago when it started again. Father went back to his bed a few minutes before, wanting to get some well-deserved sleep, leaving me alone in my room. I, as well, wanted to get some rest, but then I heard it. It was loud and clear, and more beautiful than I had remembered it to be. Almost immediately I felt my whole mind switch, forgetting the conversation I had had with my father. All that was in my head was him, Haechan.

I wanted to see him, no, I needed to see him. I felt lost without him, so empty and incomplete. I felt like my world wasn’t spinning correctly, time was going backwards, and the stars were falling out of the sky. Nothing felt right anymore. Not until I was with him.

I reached my door, but before I could open it something woke me up. Not from a dream, but from a trance. A smell, a very familiar one. It took up all my senses and brought me back to reality.

I realized what I was about to do and quickly sat back down on my bed, not daring to even set a foot on the floor anymore. It was frightening, what I felt just then. The longing I felt, just from one simple melody. I don’t know this boy, why would I feel so strongly about him? Why does he have so much power over my emotions?

His melody got louder. For a moment my head felt like it was exploding. He sounded sad, sorrowful. It broke my heart into pieces hearing him so vulnerable, longing for me the same way I was longing for him. But I didn’t give in. A part of me, I don’t know which one, knew it was wrong to see him again. So, I stayed on my bed, legs tightly pressed against my chest and my hands on my ears, trying to cover his despairing voice.

10 minutes ago, it stopped. It just went away, like it was never there in the first place. Curiosity almost got the best of me and wanted to check if he really left, but I was too scared, I still am.

I don’t know what he is doing to be, why he is here and why he is targeting me. But I know that whatever he is doing, it can’t be with good intentions. A person that makes another person feel such outrageous things, can’t be here for anything good.

Maybe it shouldn’t matter so much. Because, after all, I made him up. He isn’t real so whatever he is doing isn’t going to hurt me. I think my mind is reflecting this pain on me to make sense of why it’s slowly decapitating. It’s trying to distract me from the actual damage in my brain.

At least that is the only logical answer to all of this. Because anything other would be, well, crazy and I’m not crazy. I might lose my mind, but I am not crazy.

August 30th, 1878

Day 53 on sea

Maybe I am a bit crazy, and reckless, and irresponsible and plain stupid.

“You left me standing here for a long time yesterday. I missed you, darling.” But I couldn’t help myself but visibly relaxing as I heard his voice again.

It was all I could think about all day long. Him and his melody. I wanted to feel it again. Feel it in my veins, feel it shutting out all the thoughts in my head. I just wanted this bothering craving to go away. I think it got so bad that even Jisung, someone who barely talks to me, noticed it.

“Are you okay? Don’t you like the food?”, he asked as he watched me stare at the food in front of me.

“Oh, sorry. It’s not the food, don’t worry. I just didn’t get much sleep last night.” I gave him a little smile, grabbing a fork and shoving some food in my mouth.

“Is there a reason behind it? I hope it wasn’t me.” Jisung looked a bit guilty as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I spent the whole night cooking because I also couldn’t sleep. I hope I wasn’t too loud and kept you awake.”

“Oh, so that was what I smelled yesterday.” Internally, I couldn’t help but to be grateful for the boy sitting in front of me. After all, was he the reason why I didn’t give in to see Haechan. But I couldn’t tell him that. I was already glad someone decided to speak to me, I didn’t want to ruin it by my insanity. “But no, that was not what kept me up. I mean I smelled it, but I just had too much going on inside my mind to rest.”

The boy just nodded his head, shoving a fork full of food in his mouth. “Care to share some of your thoughts?”, he says with his mouth still full of food. He looked like a child in that moment, with his eyes wide and his mouth dirty with crumps.

“Just thinking a lot more about my mother lately.”, I told him, only half lying. Mother has been on my mind a lot lately, but that obviously wasn’t the reason why I couldn’t sleep. “I miss her. I mean I always miss her, but being so far away from home just makes me miss her more. You know, I see her everywhere. In the books I read, the words I write. I see her in the ocean, feel her in the air and smell her in every scent. It’s bizarre.”

“No, it’s not.”, Jisung disagreed, putting his fork down and propping his elbow up on the table to lean his face on his hand. “I miss my mother too. I mean, she isn’t dead, but her and my father are no longer together. She left with my sister, my father kept me, and I haven’t seen her in three years. I miss her too sometimes. But I think I miss the things she did for me more than I miss her. When I was a child, I always had trouble falling asleep so she would always tell me a bedtime story. I think that is why some nights I can’t seem to fall asleep.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Jisung. Next time you have trouble sleeping just get me. I can also tell you bedtime stories.”

He nodded yet again, showing me another one of his smiles. “Thank you, Y/n. And you know what? I think you are really brave. I wanted to say that to you earlier, but I never had the guts to actually do. I think that we can all be grateful that someone like you joined this expedition. We really need more smart crewmates on this ship.”

But I don’t think I am that smart anymore. I don’t think I even deserve to be called smart anymore. Because every single thing about the decisions I make is anything other than smart. And as I looked into the deep brown eyes of the boy in front of me, that only got confirmed.

“No answer? No ‘I missed you too’?” His voice had an alluring tone, soothing all the wounds inside me and doing things to my body I am too embarrassed to admit. “What a shame, sweet girl. I was pretty sure I could sense your longing for me yesterday. Maybe I was wrong.”

I didn’t know what to answer. And I honestly am glad I didn’t, positive that my voice would have come out in nothing but a pathetic whisper. Haechan was walking closer to me again, reaching his hand out again to hover over the skin of my arm but never touching me.

“Can you feel that?”, he whispers, eyes never leaving mine. “Can you feel the goosebumps slowly forming on your skin, the shiver down your spin?” He waited for me to answer him, but all I could do was nod. “Words, sweetheart.”

“Yes.” I answered him, voice cracking with that one simple word. “Yes, I can feel that.”

“Good. That is exactly what I want you to feel.” He took a few steps back again, so he was leaning against the railing. “Why did you decide to come here tonight? Couldn’t get enough of me?”

I just shrugged my shoulders, not really knowing myself what the actual reason behind me coming to see him again was. “Why do you keep calling for me?”

“Calling for you? How exactly am I calling for you?” Cocking his head to the side, still wearing a smirk on his lips. But I don’t want to get too detailed about his face, still feeling a bit embarrassed of the things I felt in that moment.

“The melody your singing, it’s for me. You are calling me with your melody.” A chuckle left his lips, melodic like his voice.

“How can you be so sure of that? What if I just like to sing pretty melodies?” His question sounded so innocent and for a moment I was uncertain about my statement, fearing I might have misinterpreted everything. But I knew what I was feeling. I knew that his melody was meant to be for me and no one else. I know it might sound crazy, but the thought of him singing this melody, my melody, for someone else felt unsettling.

“Because if you sung it for someone else, they would stand here instead of me. No one else is responding to your melody, only me, so it must be for me.” For a few seconds there was nothing but silence around us. Haechan wasn’t saying a thing, seeming like he was thinking about his next words. And I didn’t say anything, fearing that if I might, he would disappear again.

“You’re right.”, he finally spoke up. “It is for you.”

“But why? Why do you sing this melody for me?”

“Because I wanted to meet you, Y/n. From the moment I first saw you, I knew I got to have you. I got to be with you. I craved nothing more than to talk to you, to simply be blessed to be in the mere presence of you. I am longing for you, the same way you are longing for me, my love.” I couldn’t believe what he was saying to me. His words filled up my heart, and I started feeling lightheaded.

He was craving for me. He wanted to meet me. Everything that I am feeling towards him, as strange as those emotions are, he is feeling for me as well. His words were the most beautiful, heart wrenching thing I have ever heard in my inter life. I felt lucky to be seen this way, to be wanted this way, never actually having had someone tell me that before.

He really went all this way, just to meet me. Singing this melody, coming up this ship. But isn’t it a bit strange as well? I remembered not seeing another ship anywhere nearby. Where did he come from? How did he see me? Questions started filling my mind again, shaking me awake.

“What did you mean when you said you wanted to meet me from the first time you saw me? When did you see me?” I could see his body tensing up. Maybe he wasn’t expecting such a question.

“I can answer your question, but first you have to come with me. Please, Y/n. I will tell you everything, just please come with me. I don’t want to be apart from you anymore.”

“Haechan.” I looked at his hand, which was reaching for me again, motioning me to take it in mind. “Where do you want to take me? I mean there is no other ship anywhere near.”

“Y/n, just trust me, okay? Come with me and I will make the thoughts in your head disappear. I will make everything heal for you.” His hands hovered over my arms again, almost as if he couldn’t touch me. I wanted him to. I wanted him to touch me so badly. But I could see that something in his eyes had changed. They were darker, more desperate and demanding, and I knew it was my time to leave.

“I can’t.”, I told him, taking a few steps back. “I have to get up early tomorrow.” And with that I left, not once looking back as I walked back into my room.

I don’t know if what I did was right, or if I upset him with my behavior.

All I hope for is that he isn’t mad at me and will forgive me when he comes back. If he comes back.

August 31st, 1878

Day 54 on sea

He did in fact come back.

“Missed me?” There was something more gentle in the way he was talking to me today. Something more reserved.

“What if I did?” That made him smile, not smirk like he normally does. Haechan showed me a bright honest smile. And all I could think about was that he never looked more ethereal than in that moment.

“Then I will be highly pleased, my love. You know why?” I shook my head as a no, waiting for him to continue his sentence. “Because I missed you too?”

“You did?”

“Of course, I did. You were all I could think about all day long, pretty girl.” He stayed a bit further away from me too today and I wondered why. I asked myself if he didn’t want to be close to me again or if he felt rejected after what happened yesterday. “I couldn’t stop thinking about your sweet smile, your beautiful eyes and your lovely voice. I couldn’t wait to see you again.”

“Why don’t you touch me?”, I said out of the blue, catching not only myself, but him off guard as well. “You never touch me. You only hover your hands above my skin. Why?”

He smiled again, sweet and kind. “Because if I touch you once, I will never be able to stop again.”

“What if I don’t want you to stop?” He only shook his head, turning around to face the stars instead of me. But I didn’t want him to look away, I wanted him to look at me, because when he does look at me, I can feel again.

“I am sorry about yesterday, you know? I am sorry I was too intrusive, I let myself get caught up in my emotions.” I had to process his words, that being the last thing I thought would come out of his mouth. Never once had a men apologized to me for anything. I am so used to getting treated like nothing and it being normal in a society like the one I grew up with. Never once has anyone cared so much about me to consider my emotions and apologize for a mistake.

“Thank you.”, I just whispered, trying to swallow the tears. “That means a lot to me.” I decided to join him at the rail, watch the stars with him for a little while.

“Do you know that I think you are not real? I think I am imagining you, because for the past weeks I have been slowly losing my mind. Seeing the same things every day, not talking to anyone and having to deal with all those thoughts in my head. I think I started imagining you so I could just stop time for a while.”

“But I am real.”, he said, looking deep into my eyes. “I am real. You are not insane, and you are definitely not imagining me. I can prove that to you. Just take my hand and you will see.”

“Why does that feel like a trap?”, I asked him, watching his face, trying to read his emotions. But it stayed the same. His smile didn’t butch for a second and his eyes still held the same gentleness.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, Y/n. There is no trap. I am just offering you evidence to your lingering questions about your own sanity. I am just trying to be nice to you, but if you don’t appreciate that.”

“No, no I do. I am grateful for your kindness. You just sounded so demanding, and it made me doubtful.”

“I am so sorry, my sweet girl. It was never my intention to make you doubt me. That will never happen again, okay? All I want is the best for you. Nothing more.” I just nodded, eyes facing the wooden floor of the ship. “I am going to tell you the story of why I so desperately wanted to talk to you, since I didn’t yesterday. Maybe that will cheer you up a bit again.”

“I wanted to talk to you because I was mesmerized by you. Because there are not a lot of people out there like you. People so willing to learn and to explore. I never met a woman like you, someone so strong minded and independent. I loved how you never let anyone talk bad to you and I love how despite the negative things the men on this ship say about you, you still stay here. You prove to them every day that you are capable of being on such an expedition and that you are more qualified than they could ever be. And I just knew I had to talk to you, I had to have you in my life.”

And it was like he knew what I needed to hear. Like he knew my deepest darkest thoughts and all the things I was craving to ever be told by someone. It was like he spoke right into my soul and built up this newfound strength. I felt empowered, I felt loved. But yet again, I was also wondering how he could know all those things about me.

“Why do you know all that, Haechan?”

“I told you already, Y/n. I was longing for you.” It didn’t make sense. His answer didn’t make any sense. Was he avoiding my question? Or maybe he understood the question wrong, thinking this was an answer that would satisfy me. But it didn’t.

“That doesn’t answer my question. How can you possibly know about all those? We just met.”

I could hear a sigh leaving his lips, the long and frustrated kind. I am familiar with those, having heard them a thousand times from my father and brother. And I asked myself if I, yet again, upset him with my question. If I should have just kept quiet and appreciated his kind words and moved on from the topic.

“And yet again you don’t appreciate my kindness. All I do is be nice to you, proving to you that I am real and trustworthy, and you still doubt me. Don’t you know how much that hurts me? Do you?” His voice rose visibly, nostrils flaring and eyes growing wider. Haechan wasn’t looking like himself at that moment. He almost looked inhumane.

“I am sorry, Haechan. Please don’t say that. I do trust you. Please, I’m sorry.”, I started begging him, reaching for his hand, which he pulled away. “Please.” Tears filled my eyes and my whole body started hurting again, like it was slowly breaking apart from the inside out.

“You hurt me, Y/n. I don’t think your apology can fix this.”

And this time it was him walking away, disappearing into the darkness, and leaving me standing at the same spot, mourning for him like I had just lost a person to death.

September 1st, 1878

Day 55 on sea

I could see the surprise on his face when he saw me standing there, waiting for him this time, not needing his melody to be called. But the look of surprise quickly faded away and a smirk replaced it instead.

“I see you don’t even need my melody anymore.” It almost sounded cocky the way he said it.

“I wanted to be here first so I could apologize to you.”, I spoke the words with so much sincerity, wanting him to believe me and see that I genuinely mean the apology. “I am really sorry for hurting your feelings yesterday. It was never my intention. All I want to do is make you happy, Haechan, and I am so sorry that I failed to do so.”

He looked at me for a few seconds, brows raised, before he shrugged his shoulders. “What will you do if I don’t accept your apology?”

I didn’t hesitate when I spoke my next words. “I will beg for your forgiveness. I will beg until you accept my apology. I will do anything you want me to.”

“Anything I want you to?”, he asked, and I just nodded my head at him, desperation fulling my actions and probably written all over my face. “I will hold onto that one.”

“Does that mean you forgive me?” Haechan shrugged again, taking a few steps forward into my direction. Looking at him in that moment, I didn’t think he looked hurt. Normally people have this look on their face when their feelings got hurt, quivering lips, wide and sad eyes, body folding in on itself. But Haechans eyes were almost narrowed, and he was towering over me, almost like he was looking down at me. My father once told me people do that to prove their dominance over the other person, but I don’t think that was what Haechan wanted to do in that moment. Or was it?

Maybe Haechan is just like my brother, a person who has to hide their true feelings behind a stone-cold face to demonstrate strength. Or maybe he just didn’t want me to see him hurt by me to make me feel less guilty. Because I was and still am feeling bad for making him feel that way yesterday. I still regret my words and wish I would have just shut my mouth. I should do that more often, shutting my mouth in some situations. It would have saved me from a lot of things.

“I’m still thinking about it. Maybe I will tell you my answer at the end of the night.” That gave me some hope. Even though he didn’t yet accept my apology, he still wanted to spend time with me and that was more than enough for me.

“I saw you talking to that Jisung guy again today.” Haechan was still towering over me, hands in the pockets of his pants and eyes narrowing in on my face. “What is so intriguing about him that you talk so much to him?”

“Did you watch me?”, I asked him, shock lacing my voice. Jisung and I only talked in the kitchen today. I was hungry since I overslept in the morning and didn’t have breakfast. When I walked into the kitchen to grab myself something, Jisung was standing there, preparing the fish for dinner. We spent some time together, me eating my food and him cooking more. There wasn’t a lot of conversation, we just basked in the presence of each other.

“I asked you a question first.”, Haechan voice got lower again. I could only describe it as sinister. There was an undertone in that one small sentence, something that told me I should not say the wrong thing. So, I took a moment to gather my thoughts, fight through the mess in my head and find an answer that will satisfy him.

“He isn’t interesting to me.”, I tell him, keeping my voice clear and loud. “He is just the only person that talks to me when you aren’t here. There is nothing more to it.”

“It didn’t look like that earlier, sweetheart. I thought the two of you looked very cozy in that kitchen, sneaking glances at each other.” He let out a sound similar to a ‘tsk’ and shook his head in a mocking manner. “Am I not enough for you anymore? Do you go around and search for other men when I’m not around? Are you so desperate and needy for attention?”

“No.”, I whispered, feeling even the small last bit of confidence leaving my body. Haechan has a way of making me feel weaker and weaker, draining every last thought out of my head and making my body his. “No, Haechan.”

I felt my legs give him, sinking to my knees. My body felt so heavy but at the same time so light. Haechan kneeled down in front of me, lowering his head so he was looking right into my eyes. “You can’t talk to other men, Y/n. You are mine only, do you understand?” All I could do was nod my head at him, but that didn’t satisfy him. “You belong to me, right, my sweet girl? I need you to say it.”

“I belong to you.”, I mumbled, not having the strength to fully open my mouth.

“That is right. You belong to me, your body belongs to me and even your mind belongs to me. You are all mine, pretty princess.” He took up all my senses. I could only see him, smell him, hear him, feel him everywhere. Like only he excited in this world and no one else.

Haechan leaned forward, his lips brushing the skin of my ear. I could feel his warm breath on my skin, and it sent shivers down my back. “Now come with me, darling. Take my hand and come with me. I will make sure you remember me forever.”

I reached for his hand, fingers brushing against each other, but before I could close them around his, a bright light shined a bit further away from us. Everything happened so fast after that. I heard footsteps, a voice and suddenly I felt empty. Haechan was no longer kneeling in front of me and right as I wanted to look for him, my body gave in, and I fainted onto the cold wooden floor.

I don’t know how I got into my bed, and I don’t know who brought me into my bed. All I know is that the moment I woke up again I craved Haechan even more than I did before and I know that the next time he asks me to come with him, I will do so, without any hesitation.

September 2nd, 1878

Day 56 on sea

Everything changed today. Everything I thought I knew, everything I thought I felt. A lie.

I can’t stop crying. My tears are flowing like an endless waterfall. I’m a mess, a disaster. How could I let this all happen? I thought I was smarter than this. I thought I was stronger than this. But I was blinded. I was corrupted, manipulated, used.

I feel dirty, like I haven’t washed in weeks. But I just did. I spent a long time trying to scrub away the dirt I felt, trying to scrub away the shame I felt. I put everyone, especially me, in danger with my reckless behavior, with my blindness, with my incompetence. I am a failure.

I spent the whole day ignoring everyone around me, not even looking at anyone that passed me by. I wanted to desperately prove to Haechan that I only want him and no one else, that everyone on this ship doesn’t matter to me. All that matters is him. I was hoping he was watching me again, being proud of me.

But unfortunately, there was one person I couldn’t avoid even if I tried to.

“You wanted to speak to me, father.”, I said as I entered my father’s office room. I have never been in that room, not once over all these weeks. The room was scattered in books, empty bottles and maps of the sea. I always imagined the room to be neater, at least that was what my father always seemed to be. But my mother told me once that your room reflects the mental state you were in. Maybe my father was also struggling with his sanity.

“Yes.”, he answered me, looking up from his book. “I wanted to see how you are feeling, after your little incident yesterday.”

“I’m feeling fine, father. Must have been me sleep walking again. There is nothing to worry about.”

He just hummed, his face showing the uncertainty he felt because of my words. My father mustered me for a few seconds, waiting for even a little muscle to twitch in my face to show him if I was lying. But I kept a straight face, looking him right into the eyes. “I am thrilled to hear that. And we will find a way to fix your nightly problem.”

Father went back to reading in his book, and even though I knew I shouldn’t, the curious part of me wondered what he was so engrossed in. I always loved the books my father reads, knowing that they are filled with new knowledge. “What are you reading?”

He held up the book, showing me the cover. “Knowledge about the mysteries of the ocean.”, I read out loud, furrowing my eyebrows at the title. What an odd book, I have never heard about that. “What mysteries are listed in the book?”

“Oh, just some fisher men tales. Mermaids, kraken, leviathan, sirens. All those tales which warn everyone on ships about the dangers of the sea.”

“Sirens? I have never heard of them. What are they?” My father turned his book around, showing me the page, he was just reading. On it was a drawn picture of what looked to be a half bird, half fish creature. My stomach started to turn, the longer I looked at it, frightened by its appearance.

“This book says that sirens are mythical creatures, half bird, half fish. Through their angelic singing they lure in fishermen to kill them. It is said that their voice lures them in, but their face is what makes the fishermen stay.”

“Their face?”, I asked, not believing that for a second.

“They put you in a trance with their voice and make you see whoever you most desire. They are insidious, malicious creatures, feared by everyone who ever entered the ocean. They are dangerous, Y/n.” He looked me in the eyes, as if he knew something I didn’t. As if he wanted to tell me more with the last sentence.

“Do you really believe they exist? To me that just sounds like fishermen making up excuses as to why they didn’t bring any fish home.”

My father let out a long sigh, head shaking. He turned the book back to him and stared at the picture for a few more seconds, before closing the book again. “You could be right, Y/n. I mean you have always been the realistic one in this family. But as long as there is no proof that they don’t exist, I will have to believe those tales. It’s better to believe and find out they don’t exist, than to not believe and find out they do exist.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about his words after I left his office. They kept spinning around my head, swirling and clashing against other thoughts. And they were connecting. My thoughts were connecting together, and suddenly there was only one thought left. One person in my mind, and not for the reasons he had been in my mind for the past few days.

But I didn’t want to admit that. Not even to myself. It couldn’t be. It wasn’t true. Those useless tales were nothing but fiction, made up stories to save the fishermen from embarrassment and disappointment. Nothing more and nothing less.

Because I knew Haechan. I knew he wasn’t capable of something like that. He wasn’t a creature designed to prey on innocent people. Or was he?

I couldn’t help but smile as I heard the familiar melody, as I felt it sink deep under my skin and erase everything inside of me. I loved the pain it inflicted on my heart, the way the melody ripped me apart into a million pieces. I loved how for the first few seconds everything stopped being important to me. Breathing, feeling, living. Nothing felt important for a few seconds. Nothing but him.

Haechan leant against the rail of the ship, hands in his trousers and a smirk on his lips. It almost felt like a déjà-vu. I remembered how I felt when I first saw him. Feelings that were once so innocent and unfamiliar are now unconditional and fierce. “My pretty girl.”, he whispered, and I felt the weight on my shoulders lift. “Are you ready?”

“Ready for what?”, I asked, taking a few steps closer to him. I was craving his closeness, his touch. I needed him to touch me, anywhere. I didn’t mind where.

“Ready to come with me.” My head was clouded, brainwashed by his beautiful voice. But wasn’t that exactly what my father told me, what he warned me about. “I can see your doubt in me, sweetheart. What is it that is plaguing your beautiful mind?”

“Do you plan on killing me?” I don’t know why I asked him that question. I don’t know how I got the strength to break out of the haze, even just a little bit.

“Killing you? Why would I kill you?” His eyes darkened and I could see his body language changing. I could see all of him changing. Haechan let out a chuckle before walking into my direction, stopping when he was right behind me. Brushing my hair back, never once touching me, as he leant down to whisper into my ear.

“I really wanted to kill you at first, my sweet girl. I wanted nothing else but to rip you apart.” My body shut down, letting me fall weakly to my knees just like the day before. I couldn’t keep my eyes open for more than five seconds. Haechan kneeled down in front of me, yet again and placed his hand on my cheek. Finally, I could feel him. I could feel the one thing I craved most, his touch. But it didn’t feel how I imagined it to. Instead of lifting me up and making me basked in comfort, it made me flinch. His touch made me want to never see the light of day ever again. “But how could I kill such a beautiful thing? You are my precious girl, aren’t you? So sweet and special.”

I wanted to run, get away from him. I wanted to do anything but to stay with him, but my body didn’t let me. My body stayed down on the ground, heavy and useless. “Does it hurt, love? Does my touch and my words hurt you?” He didn’t need an answer because he knew. He knew how every bone in my body felt like it was on fire as soon as he muttered those words. He knew all I wanted was to make this growing pain stop. “Just come with me. I will make the pain stop.”

When I looked up at him, I saw only a glimpse of him. His skin was pale blue, scales all over it, and his teeth were sharp and long. This wasn’t the boy I met a few nights ago, the boy who made me feel like I was floating on the clouds and the boy who gave me a reason to live. This was a creature, a monster. A siren.

“Go away.”, I croaked out with the last strength I had left in my body.

“Oh no, you poor thing. Don’t be like that.” Not even his voice sounded like the sweet melody I once heard. It didn’t give me sweet pleasure anymore, it only gave me pain. “You love me, or have you forgotten? Have you forgotten all the feelings I inflicted on you? Have you forgotten how good you felt when you were with me? I can make that come back. You just have to come with me.”

“Go to hell.” I didn’t know that this simple sentence could mean the end of my life because the next thing I felt was a sharpness going through my body. And I knew this would be it. This would be the last few seconds before I was gone.

“Y/n!”, I heard someone shout, loud and piercing. I opened my eyes, only to have my vision be blurry. I tried to move, look who that voice belonged to and if I was imagining it again. “Go away and never come back, or I will have you killed and each and everyone of you creatures on this planet.”

I took a hurtful breath and it felt as if my lungs were filled with broken pieces of glass. My eyes tried to stay open, but I didn’t have the strength. “No, Y/n. Stay awake. Please don’t leave me.”

Whiteness surrounded me, filling me up and taking me in. Silence. I heard nothing more than silence. I tried looking around, kicking and fighting as I was trapped in nothing but endless vastness. Far away from me I could see something, or someone waiting for me. I tried to walk towards it, reaching my arms out to grab it, but I never came close.

“It’s not your time yet, Y/n.” And before I could question those words, my eyes opened.

It took me a few seconds to regain my vision, seeing the familiar walls of my room. As I remembered just what had happened, I felt panic filling my body, my breaths coming out faster than normal and my mind spiraling in wild circles.

“It’s okay, Y/n.”, I heard the voice of my father first before I felt his arms around my body, pulling me tightly into him. “Your safe. Nothing can hurt you anymore.”

I looked up at him with wide eyes and my mouth agape. I felt like a little kid again, crying in the arms of my father after having a bad dream. Just that this wasn’t a dream. This is reality.  

“It’s okay. We are on our way back home. That creature will never find you again, we made sure of that, okay?” My father held me with so much delicacy, fearing he might break me. “You’re safe. I won’t let anyone, or anything hurt you again.”

And I believed him. There in the arms of my father I believed his words. So, I closed my eyes, let the sleep consume me and hoped that this promise would be one he could keep.

September 10th, 1878

Day 64 on sea

I let the salt air take away all the scars of the past weeks as I watched the soft waves flow under the setting sun. This was the first time in eight days that I had the courage to leave my room. I couldn’t face the place where everything happened. The place where I almost lost myself.

I closed my eyes and imagined the soft grass under my toes, the chirping birds in my ear and the blinding sunlight in my eyes. I imagined biting into a sweet apple, feeling the fresh morning air on my skin and smiling at the veracity of the moment.

“Daydreaming again?”, I heard a voice in front of me, making an actual smile appear on my lips. A smile I haven’t let myself show in a long time.

“What brings you out here? Shouldn’t you be in your bed, sleeping like everyone else is?” Jisung just shrugged his shoulders, his hair softly swaying in the wind.

He showed me a sweet smile, sitting down beside me and taking one of my hands in his. “I am not going to ask you how are doing, since everyone else does that every day.” I nodded at him, grateful for not hearing the repeating question out of his mouth as well. “But I am going to ask you if you still feel the withdrawal, you told me about.”

My eyes filled with tears again and I tried my best to swallow them down. “Yes.”, I mumbled, looking down, too ashamed to let him see me this way. To let him see me so weak and pathetic. “Yes, I still feel it, every day. I long for him, and I know it isn’t right. He isn’t who he showed me to be. I know I was blinded by a trance. I was blinded by need. I know what I am feeling isn’t right and that he wasn’t right. But for a few seconds, for a few seconds every day, it felt real. For a few seconds every day I could just be. I could be me. I could forget the pain and my thoughts, and I could breathe.”

Jisung just nodded his head, not letting go of my hand, but he didn’t say a word. I appreciated that. I appreciated the quietness of him. Because as opposed to the others, he didn’t lecture me on my feelings. He didn’t tell me how it is wrong to feel the way I do and how I should have seen all this coming. He didn’t try to tell me how to move past this, or how to continue living my life. Jisung just stayed silent.

“Why are you awake?”, I asked him after a few moments, breaking the silence he gifted me.

“I couldn’t sleep. And the last time I told you about my sleeping problems, you told me you could tell me a story, like my mother did. A bedtime story to make me fall asleep.” I let the tears that still lingered in my eyes roll down my cold cheeks, as I nodded my head. “Will you tell me one?”

“Yes. Yes, of course. I will tell you any story you want.”

And so, I did.

I told everyone my story.

Bonus

“What took you so long?”

Haechan swam into the cave, brushing past everyone that was looking at him with expecting eyes. He ignored them all and just kept swimming.

“Answer my question.”, Jeno spoke louder this time, but Haechan just kept swimming. He didn’t care that everyone was waiting for him, waiting for him to fulfill his promise, to fulfill all the promises he had made for the past weeks.

“We had a fight.”, he told Jeno with a shrug of his shoulders, nonchalant about the other one’s questions. Haechan could see the disappointment and anger in the faces of everyone in the cave, and he couldn’t care less. He knew what he was doing was right. He knew it was necessary to go through all these lengths to get what he wanted, what everyone wanted.

“A fight?”, his friend repeated, skeptic lingering in his voice. “This isn’t a game, Haechan. We put our trust and time in your hands. How long until this plan of yours backfires? How long until they notice that their ship hasn’t been moving in days? How long until they discover us and put an end us?”

“Jeno.”, Haechan’s eyes piercing into the older boy, voice clearly stating a warning. “Have you lost all your trust in me? I know what I am doing.”

“Are you?” Everyone was looking at the two, anticipating the outcome of this long-awaited conversation. “You were the one promising us you were going to get us this girl. You were the one convincing us how much you were craving her and how much we should as well. And we have given you time, but all you do is play around. This isn’t a game, Haechan. This will determine our lives. Without her, we will not survive, and you are very well aware of that.”

“This is where you are wrong, my dear friend.” Haechan turned his body, facing all the sirens watching him. “This is a game, and I am the leader of it. This girl we are talking about is different from everyone we have ever had. This one is special. She isn’t easily fooled by my tricks, by my voice. She has a smart mind, that one.” A wide grin appeared on the siren’s lips, making him almost look crazy, and his eyes narrowed on his friend yet again. “This one will bring us everything we have ever dreamt of. And it will work. The game I am playing, the fight we were having today, it will all work in the end.”

“How can you be so sure of that?” The question lingered in the quiet of the cave, the eyes of everyone looking at Haechan, faith and trust all in his hands.

“Because it is all going according to plan.”, he announced, voice thick with pride and confidence. “It is all going according to my plan.”

#lee haechan #lee haechan imagine #lee haechan imagines #lee haechan angst #lee haechan nct 127 #lee haechan nct dream #lee haechan nct #nct dream imagines #nct dream x y/n #nct dream x reader #nct dream fanfic #nct imagines #nct 127 imagines #lee haechan x reader #haechan imagines #haechan x reader #haechan x y/n #lee haechan x y/n

[the-guilty-writer]

No one asked for this but it's too late now.

disabled/mentally ill/chronically ill child and which BAU parent would be the most accomodating.

(of course all of them would be supportive and do their best but some of them would be naturally more accomodating for certain things. Just trust me.)

Some of these are really specific and others are more general be kind please it was 2 am when I thought of this

Spencer- absolutely the best dad an autistic kid could ask for. He knows the signs before a meltdown and exactly what to do. If you're non verbal he learns sign language to help you, gets you stim toys based on what motor function you find the most soothing, and this man would be the biggest supporter of your special interests (really this needs no explaination. I could go on for hours about this)

JJ- a learning disability. Not only is she mama bear who will fight a teacher that critisized you but her whole job revolved around communicating well. She knows how to adjust and break things down and go slow. She would figure out the best way to accomodate you and follow through every time. You never have to worry about her losing her patience with you, she knows you need breaks, and she doesn't care what grade you get- she's just proud that you tried your hardest and got through it.

Penelope- Depression. Not only is this woman nearly impossible to be sad around, but Garcia understands sadness and grief and darkness. She doesn't like it, but she understands it and how awful it feels. She also understand that sometimes you just have to feel the feelings and not try to fix them right away. She's all sunshine and rainbows, but she knows you have to weather the storm first. She helps you get through it, slow and steady, but once it's time to get up and going she knows how to do that too.

Morgan- Any physical disabilty. This man would find the best house possible and then restore it and fit it with any ramp, handles, resizing, etc. you need. Would totally redo your dining room to be a first floor bedroom if you needed it and outfit it with an accessible shower. He finds a way to modify just about any sport you want to try so you can play. Can and will fight buisnesses over their lack of following of accessible laws.

Emily- Ambulatory wheenchair user/dynamic physical disability. She makes sure you have any mobility aids, modifications to the living space, and will fight people if they don't follow accessible laws. But she also makes you feel badass- she points out that canes and crutches make great weapons (talk shit get hit) and using your wheelchair is a power move she always encourages you to take if you need it. If you need bravery, she'd let you borrow hers. Would cut a death glare to anyone who questioned your validity.

Hotch- emotion and mood disorders. Hotch is so steady when it comes to his mood and emotions and he's great at not taking things personally. So it doesn't matter how high or low you are or if you blow up at him and say things you don't mean because he knows it's not always in your control. You can depend on him to be okay when you aren't and make descision when you don't trust that you're in the right state of mind. He's your rock- always stable and consistent and reliable, even when you can't be.

Rossi- disordered eating. HEAR ME OUT OKAY. A lot of people who restrict have one special dish/snack that has significant and GOOD meaning to it and a lot of times it plays a really big role in recovery and Rossi would make sure you have that whenever you want. If you have more selective tendencies he's sure to get the exact thing you like every time because no child of his is going to eat generic we all know the brand name is better. Rossi believes that a relationship with food should be one of love and he helps foster that in the most sensitive and kind way possible

#criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x daughter!reader #spencer reid x child!reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x teen!reader #spencer reid x platonic!reader #jj x daughter!reader #jj x child!reader #jj x teen!reader #penelope garcia x daughter!reader #penelope garcia x child!reader #penelope garcia x teen!reader #derek morgan x daughter!reader #derek morgan x child!reader #derek morgan x teen!reader #emily prentiss x daughter!reader #emily prentiss x child!reader #emily prentiss x teen!reader #aaron hotchner x daughter!reader #aaron hotchner x child!reader #aaron hotchner x teen!reader #david rossi x daughter!reader #david rossi x child!reader #david rossi x teen!reader #criminal minds x daughter!reader #criminal minds x child!reader #criminal minds x teen!reader

[mstrickster]

What's a secret talent that each side of your ships have? Like, is one of them good at card tricks or is secretly a really good artist?

Batfam:

This fandom was very hard because most of these people are super people. Therefore, They are good at a lot of things, it’s kinda apart of the job. The secret part was what threw me.

Jayroy: It may be just me, but I feel like Jason can play an instrument really well. Now I am not talking a guitar or something rock related. I am talking a violin or piano. I say this because It probably had to take a little bit to enroll him in school or in a nearby school. So, I could see him being at home for a little bit and just bored out of his little mind. However, he is a resourceful kid so he soon found the library. And because Wayne Manor is Wayne Manor, they probably have a piano or some other instrument in the library. They’re just that extra. That or Jason was extremely bored home alone and asked Alfred if he could teach him something. So, Alfred taught him to bake and to play the violin. For Roy I feel like his secret talent would be singing. Especially since nobody probably expects it. However, I could just see him singing a lullaby to Lian and just having the best voice. There are only a few people in his life that I’ve ever heard him sing besides her. Jason probably and I could see Dinah also being someone who he sung for. As well as a few members of the Teen Titans. Probably not the guys because they would rag on him, but Donna and Kori would be super sweet about it.

JonDami: This one was a hard one because of Damian. He was very forthcoming with his talents when he entered Bruce's life. I can’t see Damian ever hiding his talents. That is unless it’s something that he thinks his family would shame him for. Especially with Dick and Bruce, Damien really strives for their approval. So, I can’t see him doing things they don’t approve of without hiding them. Now I don’t believe he would ever do anything truly terrible because he is a hero. However, I can see him doing risky things that they wouldn’t approve of. Like he is very good at daredevil activities. So, his hidden talent would probably be an extreme sport or activity. I could see him being a rock climber. One of those climbers that will try to one up themselves all the time. To the point where he’s hanging off a cliff trying to get to the top of a mountain. It isn’t truly dangerous because he does have Superboy on speed dial so to speak. However, Bruce and Dick would be horrified. Jon is hard as well. However, after some thinking I could see his secret talent being something involving speaking. His parents are news reporters, so he is very eloquent. Also, his mother is Lois Lane so I could see him being very good at debating. He would use his reporter skills to dig up information and he would just annihilate his opponent. His mother would be so proud.

Timberkon: For this trio I think they are very multitalented. Mainly because there are three of them. For Bernard, I can see him being a master hustler. He is so good at bluffing and playing dumb. He doesn’t even need someone to support him, he can make do just by playing other people. The funniest thing is no one believes that he is doing it on purpose. For Kon I can see him being a baker. He is being raised by Ma and Pa Kent, so he probably gained those secret family recipes. He got recipes that only Clark, Ma and he knew. He can also taste a dish and tell you what it needs just from taste. For Tim this was a hard one because I don’t think he is the most guarded out of the group. However, after some thought I think he would do really well at gaming. Any kind of gaming. He strikes me as the type of person that can break down a game to its core elements and beat it easily.

Birdflash: I keep hoping these will get easier as I go on however, they just keep getting harder and with that intro let’s talk about Dick. Now he is the oldest child so he is probably very good at a lot of things. However, I am going to base what I think is secret talent is on his upbringing. Due to the fact that he grew up in a circus I feel like his secret talent would be crafting or like resourcefulness. Dick strikes me as the type of person who could MacGyver his way out of any situation. He is quick on his feet and is usually thinking one step ahead. Also given his upbringing he could also be a survivalist. I know this doesn’t make sense in the DCeased universe but that’s what I’m going with. Moving on let’s talk about one of my favorite speedsters. Wally is a hard one because again he doesn't strike me as anyone that would feel the need to hide their talents. Not because he’s overconfident like Damian but more because he just doesn’t see a reason to hide them. However, if he did have one that he wanted to hide I feel like it would be something useful. Therefore, I think his secret talent is sewing. I say this because I feel like his clothes would get ripped and torn and worn down a lot because of how fast he runs. Therefore, he would need to know how to mend them at any given time. I know he has Iris but she’s not always available, so I feel like he had to learn it to just help himself out. That or I could see him knowing how to cobble and fix shoes for the same reason.

StephCass: For Stephanie I feel like this is not so much a hidden talent as it just is unexpected. For me I think her hidden talent is her intelligence. She is probably so much smarter than everybody thinks. Now I say this because first of all her best friend is either Tim or Barbara. Now I’m not saying you have to be smart to have a smart best friend. However, I feel like Tim and Barbara were drawn to her for her quick thinking and smart mind. Also, her father is a super villain, she has to be intelligent to know how to stop him. However, it is a hidden talent because she’s often overshadowed by those that more openly show their intelligence. Despite her upbringing Cass strikes me as a very gentle soul. Therefore, I could see her secret talent being something that is helpful to animals or plants. I would go with gardening. Her skills in seeing things the way she does would be super helpful in plant parenting. She also could find it a nice break from her other more strenuous hobbies. Also, it is cute to imagine Alfred noticing her skills and setting up a little plot for her outside.

The Mighty Ducks:

Banksway: So, I want to start with Charlie. I could see his secret talent being cooking or baking. He probably had to cook a lot as a kid if Casey was taking a night shift. Therefore, I could see him developing his true skill with it. However, it’s not something he really focuses on so people don’t realize that he’s actually good at it. I feel like Adam is the one who’s good at cards. I say this because he probably had to attend a lot of stuffy events growing up. Where his only entertainment would be something small like a deck of cards. I could see him playing with his siblings and just destroying them. He likes to play dumb though, so people don’t think he’s good at all. That is except for poker he cannot play poker to save his life.

Gerreau: Guy is the fashion expert of the group. He has a way of putting together outfits that are just so perfect. He strikes me as a person to be able to look at somebody and knowing the event they are attending and find the perfect outfit in no time flat. In fact, in the future, he probably is Connie’s stylist because he’s just that good. Connie strikes me as somebody who is very good at a lot of things. So, I could see her hidden talent being something that she is able to use to benefit herself. Therefore I would say it's probably either public speaking or speed reading. We know she goes on to be a senator and both of these would extremely benefit her job.

Tammy/Fulton: Fulton strikes me as a craftsman. Like he likes to work with his hands. He is probably very good at making things from furniture to like little knickknacks. Like I could see him having a workshop at home where he works on his construction layouts as well as other projects. For Tammy I feel like she would be very good in a fight. Like she strikes me as somebody who understands how her body moves and could take down somebody twice her size. Like you want her on your side in a bar fight.

Wudoza: This is another one that was hard to think about. I could honestly see Kenny being the one who can do magic tricks. He strikes me as kind of an only child and my headcanon is he actually lives with his grandparents. Therefore, I could see him picking up magic as something to do when he was bored. It’s also a positive way to fuck with people without the risk of them getting mad at you because it’s magic how can they get mad at you for magic. Now I chose Luis’ hidden talent just because I think it would be funny. Even though he can’t stop I feel like he would be very good at balancing. Like unless he’s directly running into something I feel like he’s very good at keeping himself upright. He could probably also rock a balance beam. Again, I don’t have any backing for this I just think it’s funny.

#anon answered #anon asks #birdflash #timberkon #timkon #jayroy #jondami #stephcass #Dick grayson #wally west #jason todd #roy harper #tim drake #kon-el #conner kent #bernard dowds #damian wayne #jonathan kent #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #charlie conway #adam banks #banksway #connie moreau #guy germaine #connie/guy #Gerreau #Kenny Wu #Luis Mendoza #Wudoza

[darkleysgarden]

Asmodeus Facts!

As a lore person and Asmo lover, I present this.

I am willing to add more as I think of them or as they are suggested (with proof).

13+

1. As most people know: Asmo has canonically given Solomon hickeys before.

2. His favorite animal is a resplendent quetzal. (A bird)

3. Asmo unintentionally was a huge factor in the Trojan War starting.

4. Raphael used to scold Asmo a lot, causing him to dislike Raphael. He doesn't feel this way anymore.

5. He sleeps naked.

6. Asmo's biggest fear is turning ugly and essentially loosing all of his worth.

7. He can smell if people are romantically interested in each other.

8. He has had a face lift before.

9. A lot of fan mail is sent to the RAD suggestion box for him.

10. He is *surprisingly* not very flexible.

11. Has referred to Mc as his 'Bestie'. He and Lucifer have also said that he was madly in love with them. So... why not both?

×

12. *TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDER*

He panics over gaining the slightest amount, down to a kilogram of weight or a millimeter more onto his waist. He also goes on diets and refuses to eat frequently. Satan has also stated that he's seen Asmo sneak snacks in the middle of the night. All of this implies that he struggles with an eating disorder.

×

13. Mammon once found a 'crazy provocative' outfit in his room that was 'FULL of holes!' (Turns out it was one of his favorite outfits chewed up by moths!)

14. In the Celestial Realm he was known as the 'Jewel of the Heavens'. Simeon states that Asmo is still constantly trying to live up to that standard.

15. Y'know how some people can tie a knot in a cherry stem? Well Asmo can tie a butterfly knot!

16. Asmo's dyed his hair pink before and presumably still does on occasions.

17. Asmo is the one who paints all the brother's nails. And this is typically done with a paint brush, not the average nail polish brush.

18. He always puts on a face mask right before he goes to bed.

19. Asmo prefers smooth red bean paste over chunky.

20. He hates being cold and the downsides of winter, like dry skin. Yet, he does love the aesthetic of winter.

21. He doesn't like carrying people as he believes it will cause him to gain muscle. He believes he's more desirable thin.

22. When he first met Solomon, he was in the middle of crying alone at a bar. Solomon came up to him to ask if he was okay. This, and the rest of their conversations that night, eventually led to their current relationship.

23. He enjoys gossiping with Satan.

24. While most demons dislike uses of pacts, Asmo finds them heavily thrilling.

25. He admits to admiring Lucifer the most.

26. Asmo believes that he can always rely on Satan.

27. Asmo enjoys hanging out with Mammon and becomes proud of him for his accomplishments. Though, he likes teasing him because it keeps him on his toes and he believes that Mammon acts the most foolish out of all of them.

28. Demon's have to give their human pact mate something to allow summonings. Asmo gifted Solomon a gigantic oil painting of himself. It was notably his favorite 'selfie' at the time.

29. He is a dog person. He prefers big dogs to little ones.

30. He's never read the student handbook despite being on the student council.

31. Is actually pretty good at juggling a ball with his feet. Good enough to score 5th place out of the 15 characters.

32. Satan has allowed him to copy off of his homework before.

33. His birthday is May 15th, making him a Taurus.

34. He put together Levi's human world outfit.

35. He hates his true demon form, something Mammon often jokes about.

36. Asmo is the weakest brother in terms of strength. He gets worn out incredibly easily. (Maybe because of fact 12 and your refusal to gain muscle or weight. What am I going to do with you, love?)

37. A large amount of his fan base calls him 'daddy'.

38. He frequently teases Levi about having no friends.

39. Really good at rock-papper-scissors.

40. Doesn't really care what happens to him as long as he looks cute during. Even if it's a terrible curse.

41. He is an extremely emotional drunk. He will start sobbing when intoxicated in the slightest.

42. He is not ashamed about his own dirty mind. He even calls out Mammon for having one too.

43. Ass or Tits? Asmo chooses ass.

44. Doodles in textbooks. He even left a kiss mark in Solomon's once when borrowing it.

45. Lucifer practically goes, "Keep the door open" Whenever he catches Solomon, Mc, or anyone else hanging out with Asmo.

46. Isn't good at silly faces. He ends up looking gorgeous instead of silly.

47. Can be horrifying when angry. Beel is more scared of an angry Asmo than an angry Lucifer.

48. Mc is practically the first ever person to like him romantically and not sexually. He has said that no one before Mc has ever complimented his personality before, only his looks.

49. Loves bonding with his brothers even if they're completely opposite of him. He remembers more about Ruri-chan than any of the other brothers (hinted at) just because he actually cares to listen to Levi and bond with him.

50. What part of his body does he wash first when bathing? Well, you'll have to bathe with him to find out~

51. He held his first Asmofest/Asmo gathering 7 days after his birth. These are now held several times a month. He spends time with people he likes, usually drinking. Lucifer is present at most of them.

52. Asmo once wished to have 8 heads. His brother's made him give up on this dream.

53. Asmo requested that Levi write him a novel. This novel was called Space Pajama Party: The Great Beauty War. The hero of the stories name was 'The Hero'. The Hero is based off of MC and the character Atan is based off Levi.

54. According to Asmo, he looks best shot from the left at about a 40 degree angle.

55. It's highly likely that Asmo was the main designer for the guest/Mc's room. Comparing his room to the room, his influence is obvious.

56. He owns an absurd amount of clothes, beauty products, and bathing products.

57. He is terrible at remembering stuff about other people. He even failed a quiz about Solomon, who he considers himself to be insanely close to (This, presumably, does not apply to MC).

58. He works as an influencer on DevilTube and Devilgram. He also does designing. He designs products, clothes, etc. These designs are most notably shown at Majolish but can be seen all around the Devildom. He usually doesn't get paid in grimm for designing, receiving products, and samples instead. He says he prefers that in all honesty (He'd just buy the stuff with grimm anyway).

59. He used to be close to Belphie back in the Celestial Realm. Beel even said that Belphie was practically glued to Asmo's hip.

60. Asmo is the one who came up with the name 'Team Solomon'. Barbatos wasn't a big fan of the name.

61. He was implied to have fucked Santa Claus

62. Even though he is the shortest brother, he often looks taller because he wears heels.

63. Asmodeus knew of Solomon's horrible cooking skills before any of the others. When Solomon tried to serve everybody at the Demon Lord's castle, he purposefully didn't eat any of Solomon's cooking.

64. Asmo is really sensitive about his brother's compliments. One compliment from any of them could bring him to tears easily.

65. During the retreat to the Demon Lord's castle, Asmo becomes heavily affectionate for MC. One of the things he first does is inspect them head to toe, checking their ears, teeth, fingers, etc. This supports him saying that he wishes to know EVERYTHING about MC and potentially any other lover.

66. He doesn't like washing the dishes because it makes his skin rough.

67. To some peoples surprise, he is really good with kids. He even worked with them in the human world. Though, Satan commented that he wouldn't trust his kid with Asmo. He also often makes inappropriate jokes in front of Luke. But, he just shrugs them off and tells Luke that he'll understand when he's older.

68. Asmo enjoys "healing music"

69. (😏) He's a switch. He's quoted to have said, "I'll make you squeal for me!" As well as, "You wanna try some other spots too? Go ahead, I'm all yours." These are two of many lines that help imply this.

70. Despite what many think, he does have standards. He also is not appreciative of randomly being used as an object of beauty or sex. Though he's admitted that he can easily see the good in everyone and finds everyone a little bit attractive in their own way. He also says that he flirts with people so often because his happiness spreads to others and ends up making more people happy. So many people like him, because he likes so many people. Simple as that. But, this doesn't mean he will appreciate just anybody.

71. He didn't have an Asmo gathering for an entire year after the fall. His first one was held with MC as an honorary guest. Solomon couldn't make it.

72. He's implied to like fortune and horoscopes.

73. He doesn't like shopping with 'drab' shopping bags.

74. Asmo tends to photobomb and photo taken around him because he believes he is the most photo-worthy person/thing in the area.

75. He's seen to be unapologetic to any exes he has. He may even flirt with them despite them being annoyed with him.

76. Asmo is seen to heavily miss the Celestial Realm after falling. He repressed most of the feelings for awhile, but they overwhelmed him the first time he saw Simeon and Luke after everything happened.

77. He listed his pronouns on his FabSnap account as Fab/ulous

78. Asmo had trouble calling him and his brothers 'demons' instead of 'angels' for a while after falling.

79. He frequently calls Solomon 'his'.

80. He has a pair of flower earrings that he wears all the time.

81. Asmo, along with his brothers, have all experienced hate for being angels, ex-angels, and demons in different contexts.

82. He has an entire photo album dedicated to photos of himself as an angel.

83. Asmo is not only lustful, but has shown many signs of bloodlust. He even brings up ripping out MC's heart and tearing it open to see if they were telling the truth.

84. He openly admits to being turned on at random.

85. While his brothers fight over bathing order, Asmo likes to go have a nice long bath in his own bathroom just to taunt them.

86. Asmo is pansexual. Good for him.

87. He gets insecure if he doesn't get reassured of MC's love constantly. He texts demanding 'I love yous' and demands compliments.

88. Asmo likes to wear what Mammon calls 'skimpy underwear'.. (And more lingerie!)

89. He very rarely gets more than annoyed. Very rarely even gets annoyed. He isn't seen transforming into his demon form at all during the main story out of anger (And so far from what I've played in Nightbringer). Though, I have seen him transform once in a Devilgram, but he quickly calmed down in seconds.

90. Asmo thinks that drool is unattractive on a man (probably any other gender too, he didn't clarify). He often tells Beel this as a life lesson. (This also presumably does not apply to sex.)

New On May 15th:

91. Solomon has a very hard time saying no to Asmo

92. When giving out gifts, they frequently feature his face. If you're lucky, you may even find yourself with a nice new set of lingerie.

93. Asmo is good at singing, writing, and composing songs. Anywhere from a ballad to hard metal. He even sings live!

94. Solomon once gifted him bath salts made by an incubus. The affect of the charm was SO STRONG that Asmo had to drink an antidote made by Solomon. (It tasted surprisingly good)

95. Asmo is insecure about the fact that he is unable to use his charm ability on MC.

96. In Nightbringer, Satan says that Asmo is the brother he hates the least.

97. Asmo's favorite way to spend his birthday is with people close to him, not with big parties.

98. Asmo really dislikes bugs.

99. Asmo has gathered so many products that he can find something in his collection that works for people with completely different hair and skin from him.

100. He loves flowers, candles, soaps, whatever smell-filled things he can find. (Me who takes allergy medicine on the daily: bro you're gonna murder me the second I step foot in your room.)

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me one master to rule them all #swd asmodeus #asmodeusobeyme #obey me asmodeus #om! asmodeus #obey me lore #fun facts #obey me asmo #asmo <3 #asmodeus #miscellaneous facts #facts

[horangboosadan]

ROCK WITH YOU [5/10]

episode five: baby, hold on, baby, hold on (wherever we are)

masterlist

previous | next

pairing: idol!lee chan x gender neutral!actor!reader

genre: established relationship, fluff, angst, best friend!jun, actor au, smau, on screen lovers off screen besties 

synopsis: after the release of your most recent drama, the world decides that you and your co-star/best friend would be the perfect couple. the influx of positive reactions are great for your career, his career, and the drama. however, it tears at you to lie to your fans and appear dishonest towards your boyfriend. being a k-pop idol, revealing your relationship can come with unforeseen consequences. how do you tackle the onslaught of people who want the inside scoop of you and your co-star, and your boyfriend in denial about his jealousy without compromising either relationship?

boo talks

please ignore the fact that dinos ig pics are not actually paris, i know this fact and i do not care bc they fit with typical french architecture... anyways, i cannot believe we're halfway already! time goes by so quickly!

also, i need to know if more people saw the unesco live because i just did before i went to post this and i am dying. i am so proud of seventeen in every way, the speeches were so beautiful and the performance was great (manifesting seventeen europe tour!)

fill out this form to be added to the taglist

#caratlibrary #caratsland #svt smau #dino smau #seventeen x reader #dino x reader #seventeen #svt #chan x reader #lee chan #dino

[axailslink]

Shuri being protecting and possessive over reader

Not my girlfriend my wife!

Shuri x black fem reader

Summary: Shuri does not take kindly to other women trying to hit on you I mean she takes it to heart it makes her feel as if she's not showing that you two are a couple enough. So when this happens she makes it well known that you belong to someone and not just anyone her.

By the way this is the swimsuit I usually don't add pics and leave it to the imagination but bruh c'mon you can't say you wouldn't look bomb in this! (This goes out to all my readers my big girls my tiny bitches it's okay you'd rock the hell out of this!)

You and Shuri rarely got days where you could just leave and go on a date so when she told you you'd both would be able to go on a two day date anywhere you wanted you were packing immediately. "Babe, where's my swimsuit?" Shuri acts as if she doesn't hear you because that swimsuit you were talking about the really cheeky one which showed the curve of your ass and had everyone looking yeah she threw that away. "Shuri Udaku I know you hear me" she laughs when you say her full name "baby I don't know" you cross your arms and walk in the bathroom in front of her coming face to face with her well the most you can she is a bit taller than you so you have to look up regardless.

"You're lying" she places her hand on her chest and looks hurt at your accusation as her toothbrush hangs out her mouth "I am not" she says gently pushing you over to finish brushing "yes you are and I know you are because the last time I wore it you had to rip it off me I remember that night well everyone heard me" she smiles to herself obviously proud of her past actions. "No one looked at you again though did they?" You laugh before kissing her toothpaste covered cheek not knowing how she even got toothpaste there "you threw it away didn't you?" She sighs before answering "maybe but I bought a new one to replace it and you're going to love it" you hum "and why is that?" She chuckles as she washes her face "it comes with a shaw that covers everything" you groan "baby I got ass for a reason why is you tryna hide it?"

"Because you're not one of those women who just sits there and looks pretty you like to jump around and play and smile. When I fell in love with you you were wearing what? A swimsuit!" You laugh and turn around looking at your ass in the mirror "well that's your nasty old mind" she walks out of the bathroom and comes behind you "I just can feel that someone's going to try something and I can't afford to act like a fool for when they do." You turn and wrap your arms around her neck pulling her down so that you can kiss her she hums and picks you up "no Shuri you're gonna make us late you do this every date night!" She smiles as she sits you on the dining room table "you're never complaining when you're finished" you slap her shoulder "that doesn't matter..." Your words drift off as her hands find their way to the back of your bra gently unclipping it and catching your lips in a kiss. "Thirty minutes won't hurt you'll get some good sleep on the plane" you nod as your hands gently rub their way into her hair as she kisses down the middle of your chest then tummy and stops right above your underwear.

.

You walk in the hotel room full of delight your baby believed in only the best for you and her and you loved her for it she knew nothing of small gifts either. She really believed in the saying go big or go home. You look at the room and then her "you really do go all out" she smiles and places her bag down and the key card on the desk before closing the door "of course how long has it been since we had a day where I wasn't being Queen and telling people what to do or doing this or that and where you weren't controlling my lab for me?" You shrug "what? About a couple of months?" She nods and laughs "for real it's exhausting we haven't had a proper day to ourselves I haven't been able to properly please you and that's annoying." You nod in agreement "that is annoying it's like the world knows when we're trying to be emotional, vulnerable, or horny and just cuts in."

"Today and tomorrow is just for us so how about you got try that swimsuit on? I promise it's not as bad as you think" you grimace and glance at your bag "if you could put a trash bag on me you would" she laughs and shakes her head before kissing your forehead "only out of love of course" you mumble to yourself "out of jealousy" she cocks her brow "speak up I hate when you mumble" you have a love hate relationship for when she starts to get demanding it turns you on but also makes you feel a bit threatened.

You shake your head and grab your bag placing it on the bed "nope I've got nothing to say" she hums and watches as you slowly get undressed "if you're teasing me you should wait until the day is over with it has been a while" you laugh and throw your shirt at her "stop being a horn dog I'm simply getting undressed" she lets her eyes scan you up and down looking at your collar bones and how pretty the dip is then you your shoulders and your round breasts-"aye aye stop eye fucking me" she smiles "I can't help it my girlfriend is truly so fine" you nod "that's usually my line" she shrugs and walks to the bathroom "maybe you've inspired me to start speaking like you."

You find yourself feeling yourself in the swimsuit your girlfriend bought it's a simple two piece nothing extravagant It's you that makes it extravagant however your ass fits firmly into the bottoms and your breasts practically hugging the fabric. Shuri walks out of the bathroom and shakes her head "no goodness gracious why do you fill everything out so well loosen them damn strings" you laugh at her reaction and shake your head no "oh no this is too cute" she groans and throws the shaw at you "put on this on please I'mma have to fight off women, men and the flies." You laugh and pull the shaw over it it's a mesh fabric not doing much to hide anything more but it's cute. Shuri fixes her top and tightens her top you groan at her fit "babe you always dressing like a five year old boy take those damn shorts off show a little ass or something" you say she looks you up and down "absolutely not don't nobody to see all that I have my breast out that ain't enough?" You straight face her before flicking her titty. "No it's not enough take the shorts off c'mon for me you'd look so cute" she groans as you gently pull on the waist band of the shorts slowly pulling them down and leaning down with each tug. "You and this teasing I'mma have to have you on your knees for real when we get back" you smile and look up at her as you let your hands run up her bare legs she shakes her head "stop before you start something" you pout and stand up. "Fine I'm done."

After continuously flirting the whole way there you two make it to the beautiful beach. Shuri just couldn't stand to go there practically naked so she borrowed your shaw which you didn't mind that meant you could shake ass easier she wasn't too fond of that but your things were left in the hotel.

Shuri's the first one in the water you follow quickly behind her though wrapping your arms around her neck and kissing her she hums into the kiss but doesn't see it coming as you pick her up and let her fall into the water. You hurriedly run back to your things in the sand as she practically drowns in the process of trying to get you. You smile at her from both of your towels and she laughs staying in the water is much cooler there you decide to lay on your stomach and just let the sun soak the water from your back. After a while you start scrolling through your phone and turn to take some pictures of Shuri in the water her hair wet and dripping onto her face and her body as always is amazing her toned arms remind you of the many hugs she gives you as her round breast the many naked nights. She notices you taking pictures and starts doing goofy poses causing you to laugh and smile to yourself.

However your fun is interrupted when a woman approaches attractive sure but as attractive as your baby? Fuck no "you need something?" You ask sitting up and putting your braids in a bun she shakes her head "I've just got to say you are truly gorgeous. What would I have to do to get your number?" You always found women like this attractive bold and taller than you that's why you liked Shuri but again that's why you like Shuri your girlfriend of three years you wouldn't dare look in another woman's eyes. You laugh before replying "a lot is what you'd have to do my girlfriend doesn't take kindly to people hitting on me and I don't think she's too fond of you right now" the woman shrugs and you wish you could physically say "go somewhere else I'm trying to save you!" At her but she seems determined even after the "girlfriend" line. You can see Shuri approaching you both with a stare that could kill and you look at her with pleading eyes.

"I don't see a girlfriend" you smile and return your attention to your phone "miss I'm sure you're lovely but I have a girlfriend of three years who is quick to anger and is not a fan of other confident women. Please leave me before you get me and you in trouble." She nods and turns around coming face to face with a fuming Shuri.

"Go ahead please" you can hear her accent loud and clear as she speaks to the woman daring her to say something the woman is taller than her but that doesn't bother Shuri as she stares her down like a predator to its prey. The woman walks off with no words said and you laugh "baby" she groans and take the shaw off tossing it at you "cover up now please" you laugh and pull the shaw over your head "can't leave you for five damn minutes without someone trying to take you from me" you shake your head and pull her down onto your towels "stop it no one could ever take me away from you" you say pecking her lips she hums and grabs the back of your head pushing you further into her making the kiss wilder and quite frisky you pull away and pat her chest "Shuri there are kids around" she shrugs "you don't even like kids" you shrug"but I want them to still have their innocence" she sucks her teeth. "Are you denying my kiss?" You try to stop the smile that appears on your face as you nod as she gasps as if she's been impaled "how dare you my girlfriend doesn't love me any more! She won't kiss me!" You immediately grab her by her face trying to keep her quiet. "Stop stop" "she prefers someone else!" You press your lips to hers and rub her cheeks "stop" she smiles but not at you she's looking past you at the woman from earlier "oh I'm sorry did I say girlfriend I meant wife!" You laugh and shake your head.

"I did mean that though..." You look at her confused for a moment "what?" "Wife would you be my wife?" She can see the scream boiling up in your throat as she covers your mouth you swallow for a moment and look at her with wide eyes "you want to marry me?" She smiles and kisses your forehead "forever" you look at her smiling so hard tears stream down your cheeks. "Hold on I can't answer that right now I need to breathe" you place a hand on your chest and compose yourself before looking back at her anticipated face "yes Shuri stop looking at me like that" she picks you up and kisses you so many times you can't count them.

A/n: I don't know how this turned into a proposal thing I just let my hand guide the story. Anyways enjoy.

#shuri angst #shuri imagine #shuri x reader #shuri x y/n #shuri black panther #shuri udaku x reader #shuri udaku #mcu shuri #black panther #black panther wakanda forever #shuri x you #shuri x fem!reader #shuri x f!reader #princess shuri #queen shuri #black reader #shuri fluff #mcu imagine #marvel imagine #marvel fluff #black panther fics #black panther imagine #black panther x reader #Azail is bored #shuri fanfiction #letitia wright x black!reader #letitia wright #letitia wright scotty #letitia wright shuri #shuri my love

[a-dinosaur-a-day]

I know this is a dinosaur themed blog, but what do you get up to when you're not thinking about dinosaurs? Any hobbies? Favorite books or games?

Thank you for asking!

so a truly alarming part of my life is dinosaur themed. it's not just my job - I have pet birds (which is a Whole Thing, the Pet Bird community is huge), tons of dinosaur toys and games, and I just have a Special Interest ya know

but! I do have many other interests

I'm extremely interested in Judaism, and my Jewish life is the second biggest part of my life after dinosaurs/prehistory/birds. I practice rooooughly trad-egal (masorti), and I do lots of Torah study every Shabbat with my spouse. I am, however, bad at not using the internet on Shabbat, which is something I wish I could commit to.

I am a lifelong anarchocommunist (parents were socialist-democrats and most kids go more left than their parents, not much more left I could go) and politics and social justice have always been important to me. From a very young age I took on equality and justice as things I believed in and I never stopped fighting for them. and this is more than just me being multi-queer and multi-disabled. So a lot of my life is fighting for "tikkun olam"

I love music, I'm a very musical person. Specifically I enjoy punk and alternative, though Jewish music is awesome and there's a lot of obscure rap hip hop and electronica I enjoy. Google told me my music taste is "deep cuts" and I am proud of that, honestly. I can play lots of instruments and I was in choir for most of my childhood! I'm a decent singer, I'm just shy about it. The spouse and I enjoy playing Rock Band as well!

I used to be a much more voracious reader than I am, mainly because being in academia is a one way ticket to not reading for pleasure anymore. That said, my favorite book is probably still "Ishmael / My Ishmael" by Daniel Quinn. I also enjoy the works of Suzanne Collins (hunger games, gregor the overlander), the Green Brothers (sue me, Looking for Alaska was very important for Teen!Meig), and Shakespeare (yeah, I read Shakespeare for fun. What can you do.)

I loooooooooooove computer games. Love. Ever since I was little. I played tons of point and click games, especially educational ones, as a kid. I love tycoon games, most of all zoo tycoon, and jurassic park operation genesis was one of my favorite games as a kid. I play a ton of them now and my Steam account is overloaded. I often use mods and stuff for accessibility, but I enjoy many different games

I also love playing board games! My spouse Max and I have an extensive collection of board games including all of Wingspan, Holotype, and this cool game we found about the Permian period called Pangaea. We have many others, too, of course! We've just been playing Wingspan and Holotype a lot lately

I enjoy crochet, but I only learned it last summer. I also enjoy origami, though I haven't touched it in a while. I like swimming and hiking when I'm able to, disability kind of gets in the way sometimes. I also enjoy riding my bike, though see the former again. I am quite good at baking, but lately I haven't been doing it as much :/

I love my friends. I am extremely loyal to them and center them in my life. My spouse is included in this, but also my best friend from childhood Taryn, my best friend from college Carmen, and all of my wonderful dinosaur-community friends who are too many to list.

so yeah! I'd say the biggest things are Judaism, Music, and Computer Games, but I have tons of interests and lots of fantastic friends and loved ones, so my life does have a lot going on outside of dinosaurs and birds ^_^

#about the blogger #about me #get to know the blogger #actual scientist #actual paleontologist

[aemondsbeloved]

I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss

pairing: Aegon II Targaryen x reader

request/summary: You are betrothed to another and have to tell your childhood friend and only man you have ever loved, Prince Aegon, of the news. Taking a ride on Sunfyre, you both say goodbye to what could have been.

warnings: angst and sad ending (but maybe I'll do a happy ending in a part 2?), reader’s father is terrible but typical in asoiaf

a/n: I had way too much fun making this super angsty. let me know what you think, I am thinking of doing a part two!

“I have no wish to marry him,” You told your father as you stood in your rooms in the Red Keep, an argument on your tongue and your fists clenched by your side. “He is—”

“A good match,” Your father interrupted, a scathing look on his face. “The wealth of the Lannister’s is unmatched and Jason Lannister’s son is to inherit all the Lannister gold and Casterly Rock. And yet this is not enough for my petulant daughter.”

“He is not the one for me, father,” You only said in reply, ignoring his look of disdain at you and staring him down in return. “I can hardly believe you would sell me off to the first man who asked for my hand.”

Your father only laughed heartily like you told him a great joke, not like he was selling off his daughter to be married. “He was not the first, daughter.”

The prideful look on his face made you sick, like the fact so many men had rallied for your hand before he took the best deal for himself was something to be proud of. You wondered to yourself if fathers found their daughters a lord who would love her, not one who would give himself the most money. You doubted it.

“That is hardly a comfort,” You looked at him, not bothering to hide your distaste for him in that moment. “All the nameless lords that sought my hand in marriage only want me for their heirs and our family’s strength. None will love me, least of all some Lannister.”

“What did you think, hm? That you would stay in the Red Keep forever and run around with the Princes?” He closed in on you, growing irritated at your stubborn nature but you did not flinch as your father’s rage encompassed you. “You were born to be married and give your lord husband babes. If I say that Jason Lannister’s son is going to be your lord husband you will grateful I did not send you to the god forsaken North, girl.”

When you said nothing, he only seethed further and his face twisted into something ugly. “Just get out of here, I have seen enough of you today.”

You did not need telling twice, turning around and storming out of his chambers, your own fury unmistakable.

As you made your way through the castle hastily with tears collecting in your eyes, you could only think of Aegon. You could only wonder where he was and how far you would have to go to reach him. So overrun with your emotions and your impending reality of becoming Lady Lannister you did not even realize you were at the Dragonpit.

You were no Targaryen, but it was not an unseen sight to see you in the Dragonpit as you had been friendly with the Princes and Princess since childhood. It was no secret you were closest to Aegon, sharing a friendship that might have gone beyond friends if not for Targaryen traditions. Your lack of blood from the dragon meant little when Aegon’s dragon Sunfyre could sense the bond you shared with her rider, allowing you to ride with Aegon. It was no surprise that you were in the Dragonpit, often leaving your lessons with the Septa or skipping altogether just to meet Aegon here to ride his beloved dragon. Maybe this was why no one paid you any mind.

When the smells of the Dragonpit and sight of the Targaryen dragons met you, you were not altogether surprised. Neither were you shocked when whose eyes did you meet but Aegon’s, the one who you could only think of now.

He was with Sunfyre, stroking her scales as he was no doubt getting ready to mount her. He was not facing you, dozens of paces ahead of you and not at all nearby. You had not made a sound and yet he stalled, turning to see you standing across the dragonpit, the picture of a dejected, defeated girl. He was in front of you in moments.

He gently said your name, going to wipe the tears you had not cared enough about to wipe away. “What is it? What has happened, my dearest lady?”

His name for you, his dearest lady, broke something in you, something wrought breaking into something frail as your reality sent you collapsing into his arms with a sob. All your tears and emotions poured from you, the strong and stubborn girl you presented to your father earlier falling into your devastated form in Aegon’s arms. You heard his voice again, asking what had happened to make you in such a state.

Gathering your strength, you pulled yourself upright, your arms still wrapped around his back and his arms holding yours as you gave a little space between you both.

His eyes only frantically searched yours and he looked a bit crazed, desperately trying to figure out what had happened without your words guiding him. He had never had to do this, had never had to guess what plagued you. When you met as children you would never fail to tell him your mind, usually to tell him off when he was cruel. As you both got older, it turned out you made him a better man and you were the only one who shared a morsel of fondness for him. More than a morsel, really. You had always sought each other’s company, even across the room during dances and banquets.

The idea that you had to tell him you would be ripped apart tore through your heart till it laid at the floor after being cut into ribbons. The gods were cruel for this, you thought.

“I am to be married,” You said as steadily as you could. You were broken and would be able to see this by looking at you. Perhaps he already knew but you would not let him see your immense devastation. You could at least spare him this. “Jason Lannister proposed an alliance between our two houses for his son and I, and my father accepted.”

He said nothing in return but his own devastation was so clear that he might as well have loudly protested it altogether. The grief of his upcoming loss of you was clear and he released your arms. They fell to your side, feeling heavy from your exhaustion of the news earlier today, as Aegon turned from you. Maybe he just did not want for you to see his grief. You had trouble blaming him.

“Aegon, say something,” You begged, your grief still too strong to let him be. “Anything, please.”

Turning back to you looking as though he wished to get on Sunfyre and set fire to the realm he said with desperation, “Do not marry him, my Lady. Stay here, I beg you.”

“You know I cannot,” You looked at him sadly with great apology. “I knew that I could not be your lady wife, I always have. But that was never to be. You and I have known this since our youth, Aegon.”

He shook his head, frustrated and distraught. “Do not go, please.”

It was unbecoming of a Prince to beg, you knew it as did he but if the tables were turned you both knew you would do the same. You came to him, taking his hands in your own, giving them a squeeze. “I can’t. If I could I would be yours but it is not our fate. Mine is Casterly Rock and yours is in King’s Landing with Helaena.”

“Don’t,” He said once more, barely audible and his voice thick from the lump that had grown in his throat. “Do not go.”

“If only I could, my Prince,” You said just as softly, sounding choked up from the tears to come again. “I would stay if only the gods were not so cruel.”

There was nothing to be said. He could not bear for you to go and you could not stay. All he had the strength to do was lean his forehead against yours, embracing you again and not daring let go. If the tears began to fall from both of your cheeks, you had not been able to notice. You wanted to remember what it felt like to be held by him in his embrace. When you were far from King’s Landing you could remember what it felt like to be loved and held by the only one you had space for in your heart. After several moments you stood back, once again still in his arms.

“Your sister is a good woman,” You tearily said, looking at him despite the pain of it all. “She will be a good queen, a good woman for your children.”

You meant it. How could you fault Helaena for being Aegon’s sister, destined to wed him with the Targaryen’s ways being the way they were. She was too kind to despise.

“But I have no wish to marry her,” He whispered, reaching to grab your hand in his and bringing it to his chest in a hopeless attempt to be closer to you. “I only want you. I do not want this crown, I have no desire to be king. Let Aemond marry her and be king. He would be better at it than me.”

“That is not the order of things,” You shakily whispered to him and you only knew the tears were cascading down your cheeks when he hurriedly removed his hand from yours, wiping your tears away with his thumb.

“I will curse the gods for making me the first born son for a lifetime,” He swore to you, “If only I had been born a second son, then I could have the woman I want.”

“That is not the way of the world, my Prince,” You said with a tearily laugh, wiping his own cheek and tucking a strand of silver blonde hair behind his ear with great affection. “In another life I hope the gods are not so cruel to us, my love.”

He took your hand he held close to his chest, bringing it to his lips with a soft kiss. The unspoken words I love you did not need to be said. “I’d like to see the sky on Sunfyre with you one last time, my Lady,” He said softly, pushing back the tears that could still come at the thought he would never be able to call you his lady again, if he was ever able to call you that before.

With your hand in his he led you to his dragon, climbing on top of her and assisting and setting you in the front of the saddle like he done many times before. It felt like a habit as he slid behind you on the saddle and picked up the reins, awaiting for her to walk out of the Dragonpit.

As Sunfyre walked out the pit, picking up her speed until she was running and ready to take flight you paid attention to what mattered— how you could feel Aegon’s warm body keeping you safe as he held the reins, the wind in your hair and drying your tear stained face, and the open sky around you.

No words were shared between you two for there was no need for it after all this time. You were, perhaps, the only person who held genuine fondness for Aegon and he was the only who saw you for your beauty and imperfections and thought them all magnificent. He had spoken about flying away on Sunfyre but you knew now as you both were on his dragon that would never happen.

It was so easy to say you wanted to run away when you were younger but you both had duties and even if his family thought Aegon did not care for his duties, you knew he did. His family was his duty and he may not be kind to them but you knew him better, he could not abandon, even if it is what he wanted to.

The life you were headed to would not be miserable and you were sure the Lannister you were soon to marry would not be cruel but you could never love him. He would like every other Lannister, arrogant and with too much pride, but his downfall would be not having silver blonde hair and being the only person who could test you so regularly yet you could not stop loving him. Lord Lannister would never be that man. It mattered little, though, you thought. Your father knew you little, you did know your duty and that it was to marry this Lannister. You would do your duty just as you knew Aegon would do his and that you would both not go a day without thinking of one another.

In another world, you could stay on dragonback with Aegon for a lifetime and never have to leave him. If only the gods were not so cruel.

#aegon ii x reader #aegon x reader #aegon targaryen x reader #aegon targaryen #aegon ii targaryen #aegon ii #aegon angst #hotd fanfic #hotd x reader #hotd fanfiction #hotd imagine #hotd angst

[requiem4adrm]

Hey! I'm not sure of your rules, so pls disregard this if it goes against what you write, but could you write both Leon and Luis (separately) comforting a reader who used to self harm? Again, I completely understand if you're against writing that. Have a lovely day!

I hope your day was lovely as well! Thank you for this request, and I hope it meets your expectations!

WARNING: This post involves mentions of self-harm and suicidal thoughts so if you are sensitive to this DO NOT READ!

Leon Kennedy + Luis Serra x f! reader (past self-harm)

Leon:

You had been going out with Leon for a couple months now. He was basically the man of your dreams. Although you had spent such a long time together, you had never wanted to have sex or even show a lot of skin to him. He didn't mind this, he knew that when you were ready you would share these things with them, and never pressured you into anything.

Eventually, you finally caved and decided to try and be comfortable around him. You had invited him over and had decided to wear a short sleeve shirt and some pj shorts. You were feeling confident and courageous for deciding to trust him with this.

This was until you caught a glimpse in the mirror and saw all the faded scars that littered your skin. Your cheeks turned red and tears welled up in your eyes from the shame and embarrassment you felt.

"How could anyone love someone as messed up as this?" You thought to yourself.

Tears rolled down your cheeks as you just stared at the broken skin, so distracted that you didn't hear Leon announce his presence.

He found you standing in front of the mirror crying, his eyes softening at the sight of your skin and the tears rolling down your face.

"Baby? What's wrong?", he said as he walked over to you.

"Go away Leon, you shouldn't see me like this." You sobbed to him.

"I'm not going anywhere, pretty girl, until I know what's got you so upset."

You turned to him and looked him in the eyes. His face was full of worry and concern, which only made you feel worse.

"This was supposed to be a good thing for me, Leon. I wanted to try and be more comfortable around you because even though you've told me not to rush anything, I wanted to prove to myself that I could stop covering up around you," You paused to catch your breath.

"But as soon as I saw myself it was like all the horrible thoughts came back to me. I was so close Leon. I feel so ugly, and ashamed, and-and I don't know what to do anymore." You wiped at your eyes to stop the tears but they just kept pouring the more you talked.

Leon was quiet as you spoke. Sadness casting over him at the sight of you sobbing your heart out.

"Can I hold you, pretty girl?" He asked gently. You shook your head yes and scrambled into his arms, where he wrapped you tight and rocked you back and forth.

"I want you to listen to me, baby, ok?" You nodded your head into his chest in reply.

"I want you to know how proud I am of you for trying for me. You are the bravest, most beautiful person I have ever met. I want you to know that I love every single piece of you, including the broken ones, and that my love will never change." You sniffled softly into his chest.

He gently grabbed your wrist and brought it to his face, giving each scar a feather-light kiss.

"I want you to know that your scars don't define you, that they just prove that you survived the darkest time in your life. Look at me, baby." You brought your eyes to his face.

He let go of you and began lifting up his shirt, showing you his torso littered with scars from countless missions and near-death encounters.

"Our scars tell a story. Different stories, but they both have the same ending; we won and survived. They show that we are strong and brave. I hope you believe me, and if you still aren't ready I'm not going to push you to do this for me. I love you either way." With that, he left a soft kiss on your forehead and wrapped his arms around you again.

You just couldn't understand how you found the most kind-hearted, beautiful soul to ever exist, and how he chose to give you his love.

"I love you so much, Leon." You whispered to him, feeling his arms go tighter around you in response. You both spent the rest of the night holding each other, finally at peace and basking in each other's love.

Luis:

You had been home with Luis when you decided to take a shower. He was taking a nap on the couch so you figured it would be the perfect time to wash up. You washed quickly, not wanting to wake him. 10 minutes later, you were stepping out and wrapping yourself in a towel. You made your way to his bedroom and began to dry off. You had just finished putting on your bra when the bedroom door swung upon.

You froze at the sound, eyes locked onto the doorway where Luis stood, mouth agape and eyes wide.

"I-I'm so sorry I didn't know you were in here!" He stuttered out.

Your heart began to race, your mind going a million miles an hour. You had wanted to show him your scars on your own terms, but now your secret was out forever. Your eyes watered slightly as you began to sniffle.

Luis noticed the change immediately and went from embarrassed to concerned in a second.

"Cariña, please don't cry. Come here." He grabbed the throw blanket from off the bed and wrapped you in it to help cover you up. You sank into his warm arms almost instantaneously; your anxiety lessening in his embrace.

"I've known the whole time, mi amor." He spoke softly.

"W-what? How-"

"When you sleep you tend to remove your clothes if you're too hot..."

You two sat in silence when all of a sudden you began to giggle. Luis followed suit and began to chuckle until the both of you were laughing.

"I can't believe this... I thought you never knew, and I was waiting to show you." You looked into his eyes as he smiled and brushed your hair behind your ear.

"I didn't want to tell you I found out, because I knew you would come to me when you were ready."

Your eyes watered again at what he told you. You couldn't possibly understand how there was anyone as kind and beautiful as Luis.

"I wanted to show you so bad, but I was so afraid you'd be disgusted with me." Luis's arms wrapped tighter around you at the thought of you being afraid to show him your deepest secret.

"I could never be disgusted with you, mi amor. To me, you are the most beautiful woman in the world. How could I ever be disgusted with the one thing I love most in this world?" He placed his palm on your cheek, his thumb rubbing gently on your face.

Tears slowly made their way down your face; you were so overjoyed, and feeling so loved by him that you didn't know what to do.

"I love you so much, Luis Serra. I don't think I'll ever feel as much love for another person as I do for you."

With that, he smiled and laid his forehead against yours, the both of you closing your eyes and just enjoying the moment. That night was the night you knew Luis Serra would be your husband for the rest of your life.

---

Hey yall! Hope you enjoyed this. I kinda took two different approaches to it and I wish I could've done better but I kinda ran out of steam when writing about Luis lol. I felt like I just rushed it a bit but oh well. Anyways, you guys have an amazing night/day whateva, and if u have a request plz submit it. I love seeing requests :3

#leon x reader #leon kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #re4 leon #re4 luis #luis serra x reader #resident evil #luis serra #resident evil 4

[statementlou]

We've all seen the discourse lately about Louis' presentation- people are saying that he's choosing or being forced to conform to an overly straight image, like for example saying he doesn't like wine or does like football, and god knows I've already ranted about it plenty- but I realized that we'd mostly been so sidetracked by the homophobic ignorance of people insisting that certain lifestyle or dietary or hobby preferences are "straight" or "masculine" that I, at least, have let the even more fucked up underlying concept go unchallenged. So briefly setting aside how unbelievably stupid it is to say that gay people aren't watching the world cup or don't eat mcdonalds or don't associate themselves with clubbing (LMAOOOO), I wanna talk about the underlying argument. People are saying (wrongly imo but…) that Louis is associating himself solely with things that the mainstream doesn't see as queer coded- and that there is something wrong with that. They're saying that we know he has more depth than that, and that he should be showing other aspects of himself as well. Usually the argument is that people respond well to those aspects so he's doing a disservice to his marketing by not milking it for all its worth, or that he's marketing to the 'wrong' people (indie rock boys club for example) by not doing that. Leaving aside that maybe that's who he WANTS to market to (source: he's fucking told us so like 300 million times) rather than teen queers on tiktok, AND the fact that in fact he's doing NUMBERS in all the markets you say he's neglecting without changing a damn thing so uh maybe advice isn't needed- he actually is actively marketing himself to teen queers on tiktok and it's working GREAT- but okay, let's talk about what being asked for. The ask is that he present himself as less straight. That he publicly embrace a more femininized and queer coded image.

HE IS CLOSETED. THAT IS A FUCKED UP ASK.

This fandom's default of centering Harry and what he does as the benchmark for everyone else is absurd. While Harry's way of navigating his closet- very flamboyantly- certainly has a long and proud tradition in the entertainment industry, focusing on that as the norm obscures that fact that most often and at its most basic, being closeted simply means publicly presenting yourself as a straight person. That's it. I can assure you that there are SO MANY public figures who you have never second guessed twice because they're actually closeted and therefore you think they are straight, because no, queerness is not always visible or obvious or something you can assume because someone has a great skincare routine. Again, I don't actually think he IS, but if Louis wanted to present a straight image THAT IS HIS RIGHT. Your desire for him to come out is not his problem! I strongly disagree with the idea that anyone owes anyone details of their sexuality, and I very much believe that people desperately need to learn to separate "I WANT" from "I AM ENTITLED TO AND OTHER PEOPLE NEED TO DO."

#blah blah blah

[sixofpomegranates]

Okay I loved the Eddie Munson one shot! Do you think that maybe we can get one with a metalhead reader too? Maybe angst cuz she thinks Eddie's into Chrissy the cheerleader but hes really into her..?

I love the cheerleader trope.. But I'm a metalhead and I can't really relate to it 😅

Love you and your work! Keep it up sweetheart 💕

☠︎ 𝙳𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑 ☠︎ -𝙴.𝙼.

⚡︎{Eddie’s Masterlist}{Requests/Feedback}{Guidlines}⚡︎

A/N: !Body, Ethnicity & Skin color Neutral! Hehehe that's my first Eddie Smut.

CW: Fluff, Angst/Comfort, Smut 18+ | !Best Friends to Lovers Trope! | Mentions of Bullying/Friends with Benefits//Underage Drinking/Eddie's Parents(abuse/neglect), Hippy Parents (y/n), Talk about PMS/Period, Drugs & selling & use of (Weed), Pining/Childhood Crush, Heartache/Crying, Fighting, massive insecure jealousy, Smut ~ Penetrative Sex (semi-public, unprotected, creampie)

*picture does not describe the looks of the reader*

Eddie Munson is my best friend. We became friends shortly after my parents and I returned to America when I was six. Until then, we'd lived in an ashram in India.

My parents raised me quite unconventional—as children in the ashram were raised. I was free to do as I wanted but was always told that I have to be ready to accept the consequences as they come. I grew up knowing right from wrong, social norms, and how to listen to my own gut rather than peer pressure.

My parents let me listen to the music I like and dress how I see fit. I like rock and metal music. I dress mostly in black, like my make-up heavy, and go to parties or get drunk and high with Eddie on the weekends.

There is no sneaking out, no lies, no fights about rules. Though most parents disagree with their method, my mother can always tell you exactly where I am, who I am with, and what I am doing. How many mothers of an eighteen-year-old can say that about themselves?

My parents also like Eddie, which is a rare one for him. When he still lived with his parents, we were neighbors, and for two weeks, he lived in my closet and under my bed – right after his mother had died, and his father started using him as a punching bag and scapegoat.

When my parents found out, they were mad. Not because I hid Eddie, making his father believe he was kidnapped, though. They were mad because I didn't tell them right away, so they could've helped earlier. They were proud of me for protecting my friend.

After talking to Eddie's father and child services, he officially lived with us for a week until his uncle Wayne took him in. That made visiting each other a longer trip with our bikes, but Eddie finally stopped being covered in bruises, and that was worth it.

Eddie is my best friend. Today, we're still as inseparable as we were when he lived under my bed at twelfth years old.

We listen to music, get high together, play Dungeons and Dragons, taught ourselves to play guitar, and when he bought Sweetheart, I bought Baby.

Eddie is my best friend.

He was my first friend and my first kiss.

He was my first love. The one love I'll never get over.

He was my first.

When I was a freshman, we'd started experimenting with each other. That was also the same year Eddie had fallen head over heels for Chrissy, and she had fallen for Jason Carver. So for him, it was obviously just two best friends fooling around, but for me...

I'd love him to love me, but I am just his friend. So I took him in all the ways he was willing to let me have him.

By now, there are no secret make-out sessions anymore, no petting. We only ever slept once with each other, losing our virginity to the other, and after that, we never did anything or spoke about it ever again.

As the years went on, Eddie collected more and more experience with all sorts of people, while I never did something in that regard again. I still spend my nights fantasizing about my best friend and the days I spend daydreaming in my classes.

I could just move on and sleep with somebody else, but that wouldn't change that I am in love with Eddie... So, where's the point?

As I walk down the hallway to my next class, I notice Chrissy Cunningham putting a little pink note into Eddie's locker, the bell rings, and I have to hurry to my seat, but what I saw nags me for the entire hour.

She never talks to Eddie. What does she want from him?

I quickly feel myself becoming irritated by the preppy cheerleader, although I know she's a nice person. She has a boyfriend. Why is she coming after Eddie all of a sudden? I need to know what's in that note.

The second the bell excuses us, I dash out of the room and to Eddie's locker. We know each other's combinations, so that's no issue for me. I search through his stuff but can't find the little note I am so sure Chrissy put in here.

"What are we looking for?" a voice whispers into my ear, and I jump, almost having a heart attack.

"Jesus. Fuck, Eddie," I exclaim, while he can't help but laugh loudly.

"Sorry, Sweetheart," he chuckles, putting some books into his locker, and taking out his lunchbox. "So, what were you looking for?"

I shrug, and he chuckles, pulling out a folded pink paper from his pocket. "Were you looking for that?" I try grabbing the paper, but he is quicker in pulling it away. "Now, aren't you just nosey today?"

"What- What did she write?" He raises his brows, amused, "Oh, so you know who this is from?"

Usually, I am not visibly jealous and am thick-skinned when it comes to Eddie and other women, but Chrissy managed to get under my skin. She is friendly and sweet; she looks like an angel, is popular...

Between sixteen and seventeen, Eddie was head over heels for her, and as much as he deserves to be happy, the thought of them together makes me want to vomit.

She is literally the only woman that ever left a deep mark on him, showing him that being himself could drive who he wanted most away from him. If they became a couple, it would be game over for me.

Chrissy would be Eddie's forever.

"Just tell me what Chrissy wrote," I demand, and he nods at my aggravation. "Okay, you little hellfire. Jeez."

With his lunchbox in his hand, he walks outside to the parking lot with me. "She wanted to meet me at my usual spot in the woods."

She wants to meet him alone... In private. My eyes snap at him, and I almost trip over my own feet. "What? Why?" He shrugs, "I assume the usual."

"Cunningham doesn't do drugs," I say, internally freaking out about all the reasons she could want to meet him alone in the woods.

The worst being to confess her feelings for him, to make a move. I am not stupid; she and Jason aren't doing well at the moment. They're not the happy preppy couple they were a few months ago.

"We don't know that," Eddie gives back, relaxed.

As we pass his van, I grab his wrist, and we stop walking. I don't know what to say, so I just say, "Please don't go meet her."

He starts frowning. "It's just business, Sweetheart."

"Can- Can you take me home?" I ask, thinking of what I can do to make him stay. I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of what could happen if he meets with her.

His hand reaches up, brushing my hot cheek and resting on my forehead, checking my temperature. "Sure, you can nap in the van until I'm back."

"No, no, please now."

Practically throwing his lunchbox aside, he cradles my face in his hands and studies my pupils. "Did- did you take something from my lunchbox? I know I gave you free excess, and we agreed years ago to only smoke pot, but if that's the reason and you're not feeling good, you need to tell me."

"I didn't take anything," I answer, unable to force down my hysteria. "Just please, please, please don't meet Chrissy."

Eddie lets go of me; his face drowned in worry. "[y/n], What is going on?"

"Nothing!" I almost yell, feeling tears in my eyes. "Just please let us go home."

I try taking his hand and pulling him to the van, but he refuses. "Eddie, please," I beg, but to no use.

"You're acting so strange today... What is going on? You're never like this," he tells me, pretty face pulled into a frown.

"Like what?" I ask, and Eddie tries to force a smile on his lips. "Irrational. You're normally the cool and collected one of us. I'm the nutjob."

"I just don't want you to meet her." "Then give me a reason why not," Eddie says before asking, "Did she or her friends do or say something mean to you?"

His body tenses up in the same way it did years ago when getting into a fistfight with me. A boy had harrassed me all summer for the way I dress and then tried groping my butt. Eddie had lost it, becoming highly protective over me.

I shake my head, jealousy pouring out of me in the most toxic way I've ever experienced. "No, but- but she's stupid and preppy, and- and-"

Eddie interrupts me, shocked, "Hey, she's still a person." I ignore his interruption, repeating, "Don't go."

"You're acting so hysterical right now..." Looking around, he steps a little closer, asking me quietly, "Are- Are you on your period? Is that it? Are you in pain? Do you need something? I have some pads and tampons in the van."

As an upset sigh leaves me and I try to contain the tears stinging in my eyes, he continues, "I- I also have some spare clothes for you. I should've thought of that earlier, but you're wearing black; nobody saw anything, Sweetheart."

"I'm not on my fucking period, Munson. I- I don't want you to go because I don't like her," I groan desperately, but Eddie shakes his head. "That's not true. You don't mind Chrissy."

No, I said she's nice because you're head over heels for her and don't like me critiquing miss perfect.

"You don't know who I like and don't like," I hiss. "Our twelfth years of friendship say differently," Eddie says calmly. "Ten minutes, okay?"

I follow the few steps he takes after him. "No. Fuck, no," I exclaim, trying to stay in control over a situation out of my control. "If you go now, I won't talk to you again."

Eddie looks at me in disbelief, "You're kidding?" as I don't answer, he says hurt, "I'm not letting you manipulate me like that."

Stubbornly, I shake my head. "No. Chrissy or me."

"I'm not playing that game, [y/n]," the metalhead tells me sternly. "Whatever's going on right now, you better have calmed down when I'm back."

"You're still going to meet her?" I ask, and as he shrugs, I shrug as well. "Kay," I say, starting to walk away.

It was stupid to think I'd have a chance against perfect, sweet, lovable Chrissy.

"Where are you going?" Eddie calls after me. "Home," I bite out between jealous, heartbroken tears.

"Come back. I'll drive you." I turn around, look at him shortly, and scoff, "Go drive Chrissy home."

Before he can say another word, I put on my headphones, turn up the volume of my walkman, and go home.

*****

Now today wasn't a toxic masterpiece delivered by me at all. After a shower and faceplanting into my bed, I realized that I maybe overreacted a little.

To be fair, it fucking kills me to think of Eddie being with the girl he has longed for, for years now. He's sweet and loving. Once he loves you, he'll never let go of you. He's as fucking loyal as a dog.

And if he ends up with Chrissy, it'll always be them. I'll have to face the reality of never being more to Eddie than his best friend and watch him be happy with somebody else.

I start crying again. The last time my heart hurt this badly had been after our first time when he decided to let us become friends without benefits again and dated this metalhead chick that looked like she came straight from one of his magazines.

I cannot hold up with a woman with professional stylists that make her look like a metalhead's wet dream.

I cannot hold up with preppy, perfect Chrissy Cunningham.

Those are the women he wants. I'm simply not it.

"Hey, Sweetheart," Eddie suddenly coos, sitting down next to me on my Black Sabbath sheets.

I hadn't noticed him coming in, but he also roams my home as though it is his own. "Go away," I mumble, trying to wipe my tears away without him seeing.

He sighs, making himself comfortable and simply pulling me into his lap. "What's going on, [y/n]?" "Nothing," I whimper, losing all self-respect as I bury my face in his chest and inhale his scent.

"You picked a fight with me," he says, still confused about my irrational behavior but also holding me tight since it worries him. "We don't fight."

That's true; we don't. Never have had any reason to. Sometimes we bicker, but I know I shot way over the target today.

"What did Chrissy want?" I ask as his thumb dries my tears, and he rocks us back and forth a little.

"You won't believe it, but it was drugs," he chuckles, and I physically relax in his arms.

I overreacted. There is no reality I have to face, and we could still happen in my fantasy. Chrissy isn't going to take Eddie away from me.

"Nothing else?" I ask, able to look at him without crying.

He shakes his head. "Nope. But she is definitely not as sweet and innocent as she pretends to be," he chuckles. "She wants the hard stuff, so we're meeting after the game tonight, and I'll take her back to my place to get high."

I feel dizzy from the verbal whiplash I just received. Within a second, I sit on the other side of my bed, looking at Eddie and exclaiming, "What?"

Looking at me confused, he answered,  "That's where my stash is, and she has nobody to watch her, so I offered-"

I shake my head, interrupting him. "Go." "What?" "Get out of my room," I repeat, feeling anxiety starting to make me sick.

Situation already forced me to be realistic today as Eddie chose her instead of me, as I forced him to. There will never be anything between us. Eddie will be himself around Chrissy when they're alone, she'll see how sweet and amazing he is, and I'll be fucked.

"Sweetheart-" The nickname burns in my lungs as he'll never mean it the way I want him to. "Don't call me that. Go away, and fucking leave me alone," I cry, wrapping my arms around myself.

Eddie nods, getting up from my bed. "Okay... I- I'm gonna pick you up later for the campaign." I crawl up to my pillows, rolling into a ball. "I'm not going."

He looks at me, confused. "What? But- But the cult of Vecna and-" Hugging one of my pillows, I whimper, "I don't care. Just invite Chrissy."

Eddie walks to my bedroom door, holding the doorknob as he says, "But I don't want her there; I want you. Look, I- I don't know what I did, or what Chrissy did... But please don't be mad at me."

The sadness in his voice hurts me. It isn't his fault that I love him, and his feelings lie elsewhere. But I'm in pain, pain I caused myself, and the cure can only ever come to me in a fever dream.

As Eddie leaves, I begin crying again. I will ruin everything between us if I continue like this. I don't even like the person I was today. I don't tear other women down; I don't use Eddie's affection for me as a bargaining chip...

When my mother comes home from the meditation class she gives once a week, she finds me crying in my bedroom. As I said, there are no secrets between us, so I bawl my eyes out and tell her about today.

"Honey, I hate telling you this, but if loving Eddie turns you into a person you don't like or even recognize... maybe it's better to come clean about your feelings and, if necessary, let him go," she sighs

"Don't wanna lose him," I say as she begins massaging my neck, stiff from all the anxiety I felt today.

"I think it's better to risk and lose him than end up losing yourself and hating what remains of you."

I don't answer because I hate that she's right. Despite my metalhead appearance and all the cliches associated with it, I am balanced. I am friendly, calm, and rarely angry.

Today I was somebody I don't want to be. I don't want my feelings for Eddie turning me into this person forever.

Maybe it is better to let him go...

*****

I wait outside the school until the Hellfire Club meeting ends. When everyone except Eddie has left, I walk into the drama class's prop room that doubles as the Hellfire Club's room.

"Hi," I say gently, staying at the door and watching Eddie clean up. We usually do it together and then go for fast food.

Eddie turns to me and, although surprised, also answers with a soft voice, "Hey."

I came up with a plan at home, and though I feel like every bone in my body is getting broken, I have to follow through with it.

I'll confess my feelings. I will take Eddie's answer of how he only ever saw me as his friend, and then I'll leave this friendship in the past.

There is no logical reason to continue hurting myself and Eddie with my aching heart.

"How did it go?" I ask, stepping closer and helping collect his notes. He smiles sweetly, "They defeated Vecna. Wish you would've been there. It was so cool."

"I'm sorry for today. I- I wasn't..." "What was the reason?" he interrupts me. "I- I just want to understand what freaked you out so much."

"I- I- It's... I don't know," I chicken out, unable to finally bite the bullet and speak up.

Like he can see my internal struggle, Eddie lifts one of his dice. "You know what that is?" "A D20," I reply, looking at the twenty-sided ember-colored dice in his hand.

He shakes his head. "Uh-uh. It's a dice of truth. If I roll it and it shows any number over 10... You'll have to tell me the truth."

As I shake my head, too scared of the dice forcing me to speak, he changes his offer, "Everything above 15. That's a 75% chance we'll just forget today and move on like nothing happened."

"That was some quick math for someone hating it so much," I giggle, hiding that this is the ideal way for me to chicken out. "Okay."

"Do you want me to roll it?" Eddie asks, and I nod.

I don't believe in destiny. I do believe in karma due to my parents, but destiny is bullshit. Yet, the dice lands on twenty.

Only a 25% chance, and the 20 still looks at me, laughing triumphantly.

Eddie grins at that, the boyish grin I've always been so smitten with. He leans against the desk, crossing his arms and waiting for my answer.

For the truth of why I was acting so strange today.

"I- I just don't understand why you want to be with Chrissy when..." I bite my lip, taking a deep breath. "When I'm right here?"

His brown puppy eyes become wider, his smile fading. I continue to speak since I know that if I don't do it now, I never will.

"I love you, always have, and you just see me as a friend." My throat tightens, and tears run down my cheek as I exclaim, upset, "That- That just fucking hurts, okay?"

"Is that why you never dated anyone after we had sex?" he asks, frowning. I nod. "I just wanted you, but you didn't want me anymore."

At that, Eddie closes the distance between us. "Sweetheart, that wasn't the reason I stopped being with you," he says, cupping my cheeks and wiping away my tears. "Not at all."

My embarrassingly hot cheeks burn under his cool rings. "Then- Then why did you stop- Why did we stop...?"

He shakes his head. "You don't want to know..." "Yes, I do," I insist.

For a moment, he looks at me as though I am a piece of art and all of his damnation at once. His hands never leave my face, but he slowly backs me against the table.

"Nosey, nosey, little thing," he lectures me, a grin parting his lips. "Now listen here, when I was sixteen, I had a small little crush on Chrissy. Nothing more. And after you and I had sex, I never even looked at her again..."

The metalhead chuckles darkly, self-deprecating almost. "That night, my little hellfire, you fucking cursed me, put me under your spell," he says, pressing himself against me, so my body is trapped between him and the table. "You made me fall in love with you... so much."

His cheeks are tinted in soft pink, our breathing hangs heavily between us, and there is a slight stutter of nervousness in his voice. "I- I didn't want to ruin our friendship, so I just- just decided to never act on any of those feelings again."

A sigh sounding more like a soft moan, escapes me. "I wish you would've," I tell him, and he raises his brows. "Yeah?" he asks tauntingly, and I nod, making him chuckle, "Me too."

Eddies face comes closer, replacing one of his hands as it moves to my waist. I can feel his lips against my skin, his warm breath tickling me and making me lose sanity.

"P-Please..." I whimper, unsure what else to say but willing to say whatever he wants as long as it makes him stay this close.

"You know," he whispers, "All I could think of whenever I fucked somebody over the years were those little whimpers and moans of yours."

His low voice has me become a puddle in his hands. I feel myself becoming desperate for his touch as he confesses to me, "They haunted me, Sweetheart. It was like I needed to imagine them to even come."

All these years, it nagged on me that I would never be one of the women he dated or slept with, never be what he wanted, but Eddie had to think of me when he was with them.

He presses his pelvis against me, letting me feel the erection hiding in his ripped jeans. My hips jolt up, moving against him in a search for friction.

"You need it that badly, baby?" he chuckles, and I nod, breathing out his name like a prayer.

Eddie helps me onto the desk, spreading my legs and stepping between them. As he does this, a cool breeze creeps under my black skirt; I am so wet I have already soaked through my panties and tights.

The hand he'd placed on my waist moves down to my butt, harshly groping it and moving me to the edge of the table. There he begins to grind his clothes hard-on against me, giving me the friction I was looking for.

"More," I demand greedily, moving myself against him. "Please, please."

Eddie grins, the hand on my cheek leading me to his lips. I sigh into the kiss, which is so soft that it takes me back to our very first kiss. Like it did years ago, his hand is shaking.

Mine move up, wrapping around his neck. I hear Eddie chuckle into the kiss, his tongue licking against my bottom lips, asking for access I am more than willing to grant him.

There is no chance I'll ever let him go. It would be like giving away my ability to breathe.

Our kiss becomes sloppy, wild, and unhinged. Both his hands now groping my butt harshly as we hump against each other like the horny teenagers we once were.

A loud moan of mine lets Eddie pull away and ask, "That feel good?"

I nod, grabbing his Hellfire Club shirt and pulling it out of his jeans. "Please, please fuck me, Eddie," I beg, brain short-circuiting as my hand comes in contact with his happy trail.

He steps back, unbuckling his pants. "Your wish is my command," he tells me in a British accent he learned for one of his campaigns' characters.

My eyes don't shy away from starting at his throbbing cock as he pulls down his jeans and boxers. "Fuck," he cusses as I reach out, pumping his length, head falling back for a second.

Grabbing the thin fabric of my tights, Eddie gives them a harsh tug, ripping them at my center. He pulls my panties aside, replacing my hand with his own, and guiding the tip of his cock along my dripping pussy.

I feel him plus against me, whining noises leaving me as he enters me with one solid thrust. "There we go," he mutters pleased as he bottoms out inside me.

Wrapping my legs around his waist, we giggle almost stupidly before kissing. Eddie thrusts himself slowly into me, moving as gently as possible to have me grow accustomed to his cock.

"Please, don't stop. Feels so good," I whimper, having him pick up the pace while clenching his jaw. "Shit, I know, baby."

I am on cloud nine as he pounds into me, crying his name out loud and not caring who might hear it. Then Eddie pushes me onto my back, dice piercing my back, the pain adding to my pleasure while he loses himself in my pussy.

Animalist growls escape him; he throws his head back, exposing the delicious vein poking out there under his skin.

I reach out for it, but Eddie grabs my wrists with one of his hands, holding them above my head. I arch my back while his nails dig into my wrists and the soft skin of my butt.

It's ethereal. The pain and the pleasure dance together to the sound of the table scratching against the floor beneath it.

I feel myself tighten around his cock, the pressure inside me evolving to something more addicting than any drug we ever tried together. "I- I'm gonna- please," I whimper, not caring for the tears running down my face.

"So close for me," Eddie praises. "Shit, you're so hot like that, spread out on the desk, only for me. Only for me to see, to love... Only for me to fuck."

His words make me clench around him. "Eddie, I-" I whimper instead of finishing my cries, the lewd wet sounds of our doing clouding my mind.

He nods, eyes looking at me softly. His hips stutter for a second before he continues the brutal rhythmical assault on my pussy. "Show me, show me how good I make you feel. Come," he encourages me firmly. "Come, baby."

Suddenly, the coil inside me snaps. My legs shake violently as I come around Eddie, my eyes rolling into the back of my head before closing entirely.

His hips stutter again, thrust harder into me while losing all of their rhythm. "Fuck. Shit, shit, shit-" he curses, interrupting himself with a groan, hot cum, claiming me as his from the inside.

Letting go of my wrists, Eddie drops to his elbows. We're panting heavily, and I involuntarily clench around him as he begins to kiss my neck.

"You're still on the pill, right?" he asks softly, his eyes fixed on mine as I open them. I nod, both is us giggling, still drunk from our orgasm high.

Eddie is the first one to collect himself. He gets up and tucks himself away before pulling my panties back into place.

After helping me to sit up, he gives me space and takes a couple of steps back. I get off the desk, legs feeling like jello.

"Can- can you hold me?" I ask carefully, not knowing where we now stand. He smiles, nodding and taking my hands. "Of course, come here."

Eddie walks us to his thrown, sitting down in it and pulling me into his lap, arms wrapping around me. I feel safe as he holds me, kissing the top of my head. This for eternity would still be too short.

"Did you mean it?" I ask, propping myself up against his chest and looking into these beautiful chocolate brown eyes I love so much.

It's a leap of faith I have to take as I know that I can no longer be his friend, especially not after this.

He nods, a lopsided smile forming on his kissable lips. "I meant everything I said. I love you."

My soul almost exits my body. I feel like I could cry from joy. I waited forever to hear these words from my best friend, and now I know they sound more beautiful than imagination has made me believe.

"Did you mean it?" Eddie asks me back, insecure. I begin smiling. "I love you too."

He brings our lips together, kissing me gently. Every bit of insecurity has left my body. Let him spend time with Chrissy if he wants, and let her get high while he watches over her.

Eddie loves deeply—always has. That's why he always hoped for something in the long-term, retreating to affairs without feelings as he couldn't find it. If he says he loves me, I'll never have to fear as though he loves forever.

As he pulls away, his eyes sparkle like never before. Giddily he asks, "I- I'm right to assume that we're- we're..." I continue his sentence, giggling, "Boyfriend and girlfriend? Bonnie and Clyde?"

"King and Queen of Hellfire Club," he states proudly, looking over the mess we made on the table.

"You wanna roll the dice to check?" I ask cheekily, and he nods, letting me turn around in his lap, grab the ember-colored D20 from before, and roll it.

"Sixteen," Eddie sighs, relieved, and I giggle. "That was so close." He shrugs. "Still counts, though."

Kissing down my cheek, jaw, and neck, he asks, "You wanna come with me when I give Chrissy her stuff? Afterward, we can take a long hot shower and spend the night cuddling."

I grab the dice again, announcing, "Four." I shrug apologetically. "Eh. Sorry. Dice said no."

Eddie promptly loses his smile. "Don't listen to the dice; it's a liar," he asserts dramatically, tossing the D20 across the table. "I'm the Dungeon Master; what I say goes."

I giggle, his stern gaze almost breaking. Pressing another kiss on his dramatic pout, I say, "Well, if that's the case, let's pack our stuff and go home."

•

•

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[roo-bastmoon]

"I can't stand your kumbaya OT7 fake cheeriness. Be ffr."

First and foremost, I will always advocate that you police your own experience. PLEASE mute / block / unfollow me if my posts (and just my personality in general) are causing you distress. I never wish to be the source of problems in the world. So go with my blessing.

But second...

I hope you know there are some really good REASONS why I'm so "kumbaya" right now.

In my 44 years living on this space rock, I have:

--had a vicious abusive alcoholic parent who broke my nose when I was a kid

--been through my parents' nasty divorce that left us so poor we lived out of a car and ate one meal a day so our cats could have cat food

--developed disordered binge eating because I believed it was necessary during my semi-pro ballet days

--was sexually assaulted by a partner who professed to love me

--had not one but TWO diagnosed narcissistic bosses who made my beloved workplaces hell for years

--survived (so far) uterine cancer which took away my ability to ever be a bio-mom, something I'd always wanted for myself

I look at this laundry list of trauma (for which I am seeing a WONDERFUL therapist) and think to myself:

"Even so, I've lived such a cushy, privileged, safe and happy life. I've got four higher degrees; I've traveled the US and through Europe; I've worked on creative and charitable projects that I'm proud of; I've got a small band of wonderful real-life friends who stuck by me for the past 30+ years. It's been a good and meaningful life."

But I am TIRED of drama and I've had a lifetime supply of harsh words and meanspirited discourse. I'm just so fed up with it. I'm allergic to it now.

I'm not saying we should allow hate and harmful behavior to slide. But here on the internet, we have the power to block and remove anything we don't want to see or be a part of. I WISH we could do that in real life, where the stakes are so much higher.

So for my part, after being in all kinds of internet fandoms since 1999, I've come to the conclusion that I will not hang with mean girls, I will not feed trolls, I will not fight with antis, and I will TRY not to pop off on people who upset me (sometimes menopause gets the better of me, I admit it). Rather, I will just redirect my focus to what brings me joy, I will follow my bliss, I will take revenge by living happily.

And keep in mind... People are human. Fans and members alike are going to have bad takes, bad attitudes, bad days, bad habits. The question is: are they willfully causing harm? If yes, intervention is necessary. If no, then a little grace might be more useful.

I come from three generations of teachers and one of the most important things they've said to me is: Shame is not a teaching tool. It might temporarily change someone's behavior, but more often than not they double down in order to counteract embarrassment. If you want good results, thank a person for trying their best, acknowledge they are likely struggling, and invite them to be the better version of themselves you absolutely know they can be. Sometimes that works.

With ruiners, it doesn't. They just want to ruin things. Ruining things makes them feel powerful, because they cannot create; they can only destroy. It is their only talent. Ruiners invade a space and absolutely delight in ruining it for everyone else. It's a disease and I don't know the cure. The only way I know to counteract a ruiner is to stay in your space and LOUDLY be joyful, be cheerful, focus on what you love, and drown out their vitriol and hate with compassion and love.

So THAT is why I'm so "kumbaya cheerful OT7." Even on days when I would love nothing more than to thrash and whine, I'm trying my best to be a good little oyster and filter out the toxins, so this place remains focused on what matters: supporting BTS and enjoying ARMY.

If after knowing all that, I'm still not your cup of tea? I totally understand and I really don't mind if you need to mute me. This blog is just a hobby, just a place I come to escape the stress of work deadlines and house renovations and sick kitties and my own health issues and real life problems. Probably that's why you're here too. It's meant to be fun and enjoyable. I'm sorry if you don't like me, but... I'll never change all my colors for you.

So go follow your joy and find like-minded blogs. You have my blessing. And maybe we'll meet each other again on down the road, and we'll both be in better places, and we can walk together by then. Either way, you deserve to be happy.

Love, Roo