#I am not even gay but hell if I hate bigots and homophobic shits in my school

[crevulois]

Watching Nimona: Spoilers (+Weird Thing I do Alone or With Family)

Sometimes when a gay scene comes on during like a movie (note I’m Bi Saying this) I actively try to emulate a homophobic recoil despite the fact most of my family knows I’m Bi already. Sometimes When I’m alone I simulate/play act my take on a theortical bigotted reaction too just to see how that’d go down..............Its a very weird brain thing Which I’m not sure is conditioning or just a strange cope trying to process this bizarre world covered in nonsensical bigotry.....Maybe its both......I just started watching Nimona btw. 

Note: Netflix Times

8:13 GOT, OH NAH WHATS IN THE SWORD?!?!?!?!?

WHAT THE HELLLLLL!!!!!!!!!~~~~ Ain’t NO WAYYYY~~y~~y~y~y!

10:39 That....I hate How the Pupils Don’t Move so Much 

11:43 Yaassss We Love Our Terrorist Queens!!!!!!

12:55 Thats a good ass cut away gag. 

14:09 The Profiling is actually extraordinary. Also I hate when stuff like this happens. Unless shes the villain or some shit it ain’t make no sense to not investigate that at all. 

16:20 Reminds me of that time shrek and donkey beat the shit outta all them knights in the ring. 

18:30 I like this track. If the rest of this movie is going to be like rock in the ost that’d be something I might have to go back to. 

22:17.....Thats.....So On the Nose.......

25:18 

???????????????????????????????

26:03 Nah She The Main Villain Bro. I ain’t Like the Way These Lines Being Delievered Rn. 

29:40  George Michael? also that sax segment in the song is the magic of steve gregory apparently. No Idea who that was before googling, but theres a fun little fact for you via my curiousity. 

33:20 WOW THAT IS SO ON THE NOSE!...........See I normally don’t care and being honest right now don’t even really care all that much as I’m still largely enjoying the movie overall. It just feels like.........There is a more provoking way I feel in which this theming can be carried out that’d feel less like being bashed in the head repeatedly by someone yelling “THEME! THEME!”. Like.......It takes me out of it somewhat, because I know there has to be a more graceful way to deliver the same point. 

34:18 

Nimona “leading me to a Wishing well”

Ballister “ A Wishing Well?! How did You Know it Was Just a Regular Well?”

Nimona “do you want to tell my story for me?” 

That transaction I like. I do appreciate the lining and framing of ignorance here.....Actually Maybe this is the right amount of non subtly and I just need to give it time. I get that the story is trying to set up the narrative that even within the realm of outcast there is ignorance and a lack of understanding of one another its just......It feels forced somewhat. Like Ballister needs to be ignorant over very dumb things so the story can draw out its theme and while it in itself speaks to reality it just....Bothers me how much the writing is really trying to gun it without like....any extra sauce to it. Feels too easy a Road. 

35:03 

“When them Vamps Outside lil Bitch You Better Be Ready.” 

“When them Guns Outside lil Bitch You Better Be Ready.”

37:39 

41:28 “who would protect Todd!??!” I love that line reading. 

42:13 I want to say I knew it like I’m smart, but that was so obvious. also DAMN this nigga Down Bad as Hell. 

43:12 Nigga Got the Dick All in his Mouth “Shaboing Boing” type beat......Also tell me if I’m out of bounds, but it feels weird the lack of dichotomy there is with race. It feels like its aligning towards like....the lgbt and racial things mixing in a blind way I don’t like seeing in real life as a thought process other people have, because it doesn’t hold any sort of intersectionality in regards to the split in these concepts. Like trans people equating their struggle and identity as exact equivalents to black struggles and black identity. It feels.....eh put simply....but idk what I am suppose to expect. Theres the

1. discomfort of like having to address that as white writers. 

2. A slightly higher degree of space management trying to wedge that between everything else thematically.

3. Seemingly Utopian-esque Environment in which such issues can be thrown into the hole of nonexistent/unexplored world building and ambiguousness.

.....Part of me wants to call it a tall order and off target, but another part of me just wants to say like “Get Better at Writing” kinda......But I’m not a writer and I don’t know if the white to minority ratio in that writing room would make any sort of execution of such Good or valuable to any degree So I’ll just shut up on it for now as I am clearly talking out of my boundaries a little without enough knowledge to make a truly proper deduction...........

44:47 This is a Really Good Scene/Moment no Funny Shit. 

49:38...You know....I just don’t like how obvious the framing is; taking in what i’ve watched so far. Its like less a matter of it being a bad thing inherently as much as it is an annoying thing to just kinda deal with throughout the film for me. 

Like....In the scene at 44:47 it felt more to the point with observable layers of depth just paying attention throughout the movie you can pick up on along the way all aligning to the topic/issue of “the model Minority”. Its a more neatly put together trodden piece of text/commentary. With Nimona She has good set up just within the world around her, but it feels so....unserious when they’re trying to push the trans allegory, because it feels so just....summoned for the theme rather than comfortably integrated within more of the dialogue or actual events. The same with like......The confusion Ambrosius has when he sees ballister with some random girl (Nimona). “You’re Evil AND BI!?!??!?!” It just.....Doesn’t Feel smooth in a way that is continuously noticeable throughout the movie in certain areas...at least for me.....

Though of course there are like Cool Moments like 44:47 and 34:18

Theres just what I feel to be an inconsistency in the quality of the deliverance of certain points per-say. Like “Is that it” is a common sentiment, but I might just be greedy with what I want from this 1 and a half hour animated film so Once again I’ll shut up on it, because I’m not sure if I’m being just reasonably opinionated and critical or Picky and ignorant. Its blurred to a point I need it to just sit a little so my actual problems can become a tad more clear.........Plus I haven’t even finished the movie lol.

52:53

“We’re Going to Kill The Director of the Institution Ballister.”

53:44

oh nah, Here She Go Going into Her evil Back Story and Shit. 

55:34 THEY GOT HER ASS HAHAHAHAHAHA

58:35 This going too well.....Also Conservative Director Apologist have to be going off in this universe if that video got that wide spread. Gnome Rogan and Mage Milo of yianiaus have to be Going Off in the mythical underworld of twattorium. 

1:00:40 DRAKEN!?!?!?!?!?

1:02:50 ??????????????????????????????

1:04:56 ........I’m actually annoyed. Just TALK nigga damn......I hate movies making things more aggro than they need to be to progress the story. 

“You’re a Ni-” 

That woulda been a very different movie. 

1:05:25  “Your Doors Broken” 

1:09:05 What the fuck???? Yo??? These Villagers aren’t shit (Takes a minute) ah I get it now. 

1:10:02 YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! HA, She Really Said “Die Monster!” She a Whole Belmont fr. 

1:19:20 ................She a Whole Shooter.

End

wow..........They almost had me. I woulda been actually upset as fuck if thats how they ended it..........7/10. Pretty Good Movie. All the iks I have are like....Minor mostly and overall I had a fun time. Good Watch. 

#spoilers #Nimona

[xghosttown]

Fighting with homophobes in the Yahoo comment section right now. Shit has got my blood boiling. I'm not gay myself, but I sure as shit am not going to sit by and let these goddamn bigots spread their hate. I should probably stop for the love of my blood pressure haha but it's also kind of cathartic to talk shit to literal women named Karen that has really shitty opinions about a community they have no fucking clue about. You say the word gay and they automatically think it means sex. The word gay just invokes the image of two dudes butt fucking and it sends them into a raging tizzy. This is all over a Florida teacher getting in trouble for showing her class a movie called Strange World, or whatever that Disney movie is called. It has a gay character in it, I guess, that has a crush on another boy. That's got the homophobes up in arms tonight, fellas. 5th graders are subjected to an animated character with a crush. Holy jesus call the press and fire the teacher! She's out here grooming kids, ya'll. The were comments basically saying they were showing kids a movie with sexual content. It's a freaking Disney movie. Not a goddamn porno. But you say the word gay and that automatically means there's butt sex involved. Literally had a woman yell at me and say "WHY DO WE ALL NEED TO KNOW WHERE YOU PUT YOUR PRIVATE PARTS? Just keep it all private! Nobody wants pictures of old people doing it posted on the blackboard either!" And one women said that "LGBT+ people should have their own schools" To which I said "So what's next, do gay people need to have their own water fountains and do they have to ride on the back of the bus too?" Then she said "Let them learn about gay stuff on their own terms do not force this stuff into their space.Your are implication that being gay and being black are the same thing is a monumental disrespect to black people.I believe even the Klan knows better than that.Black is about natural color of your skin. Gay is a betrayal of nature about who you should have sex with." I replied with "So says you and all the other bigots. I'm not implying that being gay and being black are the same thing, but you made the idea that gay people should be treated differently and have their own school because god forbid they are around the straight students. Doesn't that sound like something that happened back in the days when black people weren't allowed to go to schools with white people? Gay people are human. They deserve to be treated as such because there is nothing wrong with being gay. Gay is not just about sex, Bunny. Not everything is about sex. There is something called love. I don't know if you know about love, Bunny, because you mostly promote hate. LOVE IS LOVE." WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE FUCKING PEOPLE?! I really don't want to live on this planet anymore.

#sorry #i needed to rage

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW: religion (christianity) homophobia and transphobia

So this is a vent I guess? I don't know how to start this. I have good parents, I do. Everything they do they do because they are trying to do right by my siblings and I. But I have a complicated relationship with my dad. If he's around, I feel safe, and yet he makes me so tense. I don't know how to explain that very well. I don't worry for my safety when he's around (I will kinda contradict this later. I'm just doing my best to explain my feelings toward him right now). But, last year, a friend of mine had their 18th birthday and invited me to go to the mall with them, their older sister, and their mother. I happily went along because I had nothing else going on that weekend (The mall was the main thing but it wasn't the only thing). I spent about 36-40 hours with only those three people. And while I was with them I realized something. I had relaxed. I didn't even know how on edge I was all of the time in my own home. My friend is queer, as is their mom. And their sister is an ally. I didn't have to fear being myself and it was so nice. Both of my parents are homophobic, but in slightly different ways. My dad, I think, is worse when it comes to homophobia and transphobia. He once demanded my brother (10 years old) turn off a cartoon because a boy had a crush on another boy. He has no problem if he watches adult movies, though. He's against gay marriage, and he's talked about that plenty. I remember once he sent me a horrid video of a pastor yelling derogatory things about queer people. I was in the car with my mom and my three younger siblings that day. I cried for maybe five minutes, though I had enough practice at that point I was able to do it quietly and without anyone noticing. It hurt immensely. My dad likes talking politics and religion with friends and family, which I hate, because I will often get dragged into the conversations if I am around. And if the topic of queer people comes up, I immediately start panicking. Like heart racing hands shaking et cetera. Every time I was dragged into one I had to throw my my identity and my friends under the bus as to not get found out. I was terrified of getting found out by anyone. Especially close family and neighbors. I had a family member tell my younger brother he'd shoot him if he was gay. Neither of us knew if he was joking. He's not afraid of shooting at people. He's done it plenty. But knowing this came from someone I've always trusted with secrets and someone who I would tell ghost stories with when I was younger killed me inside. To put it simply, I didn't feel safe being myself in my own home. And my dad, who I usually sought comfort in, always made things worse. Years and years of this shit took it's toll on me. Sometimes I'd be up hours after I was supposed to be sleeping because I feared dying in my sleep and waking up in hell for the great sin of existing. Everyday, I was worried he'd say something bigoted or send me something bigoted or place me into a position to have to say something bigoted. And when I was away for awhile I calmed down. Because I didn't have to worry. I didn't fully relax until Sunday, but I still hadn't let my guard down that much around an authority figure (my friend's mom that I've known since birth) in forever. I honestly can't remember when I had before that. I don't know. I've been wanting to say all of this for awhile. I feel like I'm complaining or I'm ungrateful. I have a father who loves me and is in my life. I just, he's caused me a lot of pain, you know? I just needed to get this off my chest.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through.

Please know that your complaints are valid and you're not ungrateful. Your dad sounds disrespectful of your identity and other people who identify similarly. You don't deserve to put up with that.

It's okay if you have mixed feelings towards your dad. On one hand he loves you and is in your life, but on the other hand he says things that are so hurtful that you're afraid to be yourself around him. Both of these feelings are valid.

If you can access or afford it, and if you don't already have it, I recommend looking into getting a therapist. A mental health professional could help you process these experiences and anything you may be dealing with as a result. You deserve the best care available, especially with everything you've been dealing with.

I hope that you can get to live in a place where you feel safe. I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw homophobia #tw transphobia #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse

[soft-black-teabag]

Freshman me: omg, they think I'm gay, oh god, they're going to bully me, maybe I should stop being this affectionate?

Senior me: *just being my clown self*

Friends: Giulia, that looks gay

Senior me: well, let those bitches eat my rainbows

#looks gay #giulia's incorrect quotes #I am not even gay but hell if I hate bigots and homophobic shits in my school #and I would never stop being affectionate or extra just because it #I mean the fact that they talk behind your back about your sexuality as if it's an insult speaks volumes on their intelligence #so yeah I do not act that way on purpose but if I know that someone is looking weirdly at me because I'm doing something that doesn't sits #well with their dumb asses I just keep doing it #I mean I am the mom friend of lgbtq+ closeted babies I am NOT going to make them feel like they actually need to hide #I am not going to act all hero because yeah starting a war with dumb people is like talking to walls #and living in a small town there are a lot of wall-like people #but I do know that the fact that I still keep acting like myself even when people start questioning my sexuality or gender makes my queer #my queer friends feel less alone and more supported #because they are closeted and they can't risk being themselves sometimes since they're scared of people #but I'm a cishet and I don't give a fuck about people if it comes to my friend's wellbeing #so yeah if people questioning and talking behind my back about my sexuality and gender is the price to pay to have my friends feel more #confident and supported about them being part of the LGBTQ+ #then yeah go on talk bad about me all the fuck you want dumb snakes

[foramomentonly]

Saved-A Meet Ugly

Author’s Note: Behold, the promised meet ugly inspired by @aewriting ! Blatantly stealing titles from early aughts teen films of my youth at this point.

Summary: Alex discovers a) his new roommate is a Christian Fundamentalist who hates him, b) he’s love with said roommate, and c) he’s super wrong.

 CW: negative perspective on organized Christianity/Fundamentalism

Read on AO3

Alex meets his dormmate briefly in the hall as he and his parents are heading out to lunch. Michael Guerin is friendly, his barely-contained, nervous energy evident in the restless way he passes his hands through his close-cropped curls. His parents are formal, bordering on sour, and they glare at Alex’s eyeliner and polished fingernails with disdain. They don’t invite him to eat with them. Then again, Alex thinks as they part and he wanders towards the room he’ll share with Michael, his own father didn’t even bother to drop him off at school. Glass houses, or some shit like that.

Michael has claimed the left side of the room, his bed neatly made up with simple, blue sheets and his desk stuffed with thick textbooks, some already clearly marked with wear. A battered, clunky-looking laptop charges on his nightstand. Some secret tension in Alex slowly uncoils with the knowledge that he isn’t sharing living space with some rich prick; when he eschewed the Manes family military tradition for higher education, Alex left home with little more than his scholarships and a military duffle stuffed with clothes and stolen linens to his name. Knowing his days of watching douchebags like Kyle Valenti flaunt expensive tokens of their parents’ unconditional love are over is a small comfort. 

That is, until Alex notices the crucifix resting on Michael's plaid pillowcase. It’s innocuous enough; Liz Ortecho's small home has plenty, family heirlooms hung as reverently as Texas gas station finds, and Alex counts her among his true family. But the facts fall into place like thundering dominos—Michael’s parents' disgust at Alex's makeup, the family's conservative clothes, Michael's closely-chopped hair and, after a bit of snooping, the two well-worn Bibles Alex finds, one in Michael's nightstand and the other on his small bookshelf. Fundamentalists, most likely. Alex swears loud and defiant into the empty room. He thought he'd left bigots and homophobes in his dust, but like a plague of fucking locusts, they followed him, and here he is about to share a sink with one of them. 

But Alex also knows better than most that kids aren’t always carbon copies of their parents’ stupidity; he’d flip his shit if someone assumed they knew literally anything about his beliefs based on his asshole father. So when Michael returns to the room Alex is in stealth mode, spread out across his bed and feigning disinterest by flipping through his welcome packet, tracking Michael’s movements out of the corner of his eye. Michael blows a loud puff of air out through his lips and looks like he’s about to flop onto his bed. When he sees the crucifix, he freezes; Alex is about to celebrate a victory against religious indoctrination when Michael lifts the small cross reverently off his pillow and, after an appraising scan of his space, hangs it low on the wall above his nightstand, dragging his school-issued lamp in front of it. He jerks his chin down in a small nod of satisfaction before his eyes dart quickly over to Alex; he almost catches Alex in a glower. Instead, Alex is quietly seething over an intramural sports schedule, his face blank, eyes burning holes in the middle of the page. He figures he’s in the clear when he hears Michael’s bedsprings creak with the sudden weight of his body. Alex glances up and Michael is crossing his arms lazily behind his head. He lets out a loud, satisfied sigh and shoots Alex a disarmingly sincere grin.

“Free at last, huh?” he drawls, and Alex arches a cold brow.

“Sure.”

Alex has every intention of icing Michael out of his daily existence, but as months go by—months where Michael lets his curls grow wild, rambles on and on about the science of irrigation, offers Alex his extensive biology notes for midterms, and laughs loud and deep at all of Alex’s snarky asides—Alex finds himself smiling easily at Michael in return, willingly passing lazy lunch hours and weekend afternoons with him. It comes down to this: for all Michael hasn’t done—the crucifix is an ever-present shadow above his nightstand and weekly video check-ins with his parents are never missed—he just doesn’t fit the mold. He smokes weed on the abandoned picnic tables behind the dorm at night, signs every social justice-oriented pledge and petition shoved at him on a cheap, plastic clipboard on their way to class, and he never wakes up before noon on Sundays. He isn’t fire and brimstone, hate and hellfire. He’s marshmellow fluff; laid back and open, sweet and eager to please, all messy curls and broad shoulders and goofy smiles with too much teeth and—oh, fuck. Alex is in love with him. 

Alex is in love with Michael and Michael probably thinks Alex deserves to burn in hell and it’s Kyle all over again. Alex was never in love with Kyle Valenti, but he loved him the way a neglected, angry little boy would love the popular, gregarious kid who was his only source of sunlight. Graciously. Blindly. Kyle was Alex’s best friend, and when middle school puberty made evident that Kyle was a stud and Alex was, well. Alex felt the betrayal of Kyle’s sudden targeted cruelty like a punch to the gut, long before Kyle or his new friends ever laid hands on him. And now, Alex realizes, Michael is his best friend and his heart’s deepest desire and, he’s finally ready to admit, who he jerks off to on lazy mornings after Michael’s barely made it out the door for his 8 a.m. class with a shirt on. Alex is well and truly fucked. “Damned” is too on the nose.

Then one day Alex is dragging his miserably-in-love ass back from class and he totally misses the tie that slipped from the doorknob onto the ugly carpet in front of their door and he opens it on Michael and some random guy going at it on Michael’s bed, sheets bunched at the foot of the mattress, shirts tossed inside out on the floor, and Michael’s hand deep down the guy’s jeans as he pants and whines into Michael’s mouth.

“Shit!” Alex cries, waffling between shutting the door behind him to shield them from the prying eyes of hallway passers-by or in front of him to shut himself out of his own room. “I-I’m so sorry.”

Michael looks flustered, but it’s not the bone-deep terror of being outed; Alex is intimately familiar with that darkest timeline of queer identity. His boyfriend—hook up?—just looks annoyed. His dark eyes glare at Alex and he snaps, “Do you mind, man?” with a sharp nod towards the door. Alex squares his jaw and opens his mouth to retort when Michael says softly, seriously, “Don’t talk to him like that,” shaking his head at his bedmate. The guy huffs in disbelief, rolling off the bed to pull on his shirt, still inside out, and fasten his jeans, brushing his fingers through messy, deep brown hair. 

“You’re seriously kicking me out right now?” he murmurs low, and when Michael doesn't answer, he spits, “You are such a dick.”

Michael winces and bites his lip, normally bright eyes dim and gaze cast down towards his own hands. The sight of Michael cowed, flushed and hurt and getting told off by the same Hot Topic reject who was getting off with him not five minutes ago trips Alex's long-dormant kill switch. He steps into the guy's space, pulling back his shoulders so his shirt stretches tight over the muscles of his arms and chest, and draws up to his full height.

"You have thirty seconds to get the fuck out of our room," Alex says, voice low and eerily calm, even to his own ears. The guy glowers at Alex, but the corner of his mouth twitches and he blinks first, intimidation evident in his narrowed eyes. He brushes past Alex and slams the door behind him.

"Are you okay?" Alex asks, moving closer to Michael on instinct and setting a comforting hand on his bare shoulder. Michael gazes up at him with wide, honey eyes, opens his soft, pink mouth, and blurts, "I love you."

Alex blinks, gapes, and what comes out of his mouth is an incredulous, “But I’m gay!”

Michael snorts, cups Alex’s forearm gently and runs his palm up and down his skin, the soft hair on his arms.

“Yeah, I know. That’s kinda why I’m hoping I have a shot.” He pauses, hesitation creeping across his face, and he takes his hand off of Alex abruptly, as though he hadn’t quite realized he’d put it there in the first place. “If you’re not interested, I totally—”

“No, no, I am,” Alex says, and the wattage of Michael’s answering grin could power the university’s electric grid for the rest of the semester. “But I thought you were, like, Team Westboro or whatever.”

Michael’s face falls, his whole body withers, and he hugs his arms around his naked waist. The impact of Alex's words on Michael horrify him, and he drops onto the bed next to Michael, takes Michael's hand in his and strokes his thumb across it’s back, feels the knots of Michael’s knuckles as he grips Alex's hand in return.

“Why the hell would you think that?” Michael asks, staring at their palms pressed together in his lap.

Alex shrugs, answers, "I mean, I didn't. I don't. Not about, like, you." Michael turns his head, brow wrinkled in confusion. "It's just. The cross? The Bibles? Your parents, I—"

"They're not my parents, "Michael interrupts, voice flat. "They raised me, but. They never formally adopted me, and I'd have fucking run the other direction if I thought they were gonna."

Alex stays quiet, waits for Michael to continue, squeezes his hand gently to let Michael know he's listening.

"They're Fundamentalist assholes, for sure, but I never bought into that shit, especially once I—I realized I like more than just girls." Michael reaches out, pushes his lamp out of the way and glares at the crucifix. "I'd love to never see their fucking faces ever again, but winter break is coming up, and then summer vacation, and—" He hangs his head, nearly whispers, "I need to have a place to go. I can't afford an apartment on my own yet. So I play nice. Put that on my wall and make sure it's in the background for video calls. There’s, like, zero support for kids who age out of the system alone. I fucking hate it, but I need them." 

Michael leans his head close to Alex's, catches his gaze and holds it with deep, whiskey-colored eyes Alex all but falls into.

"I'm not ashamed of what I like or who I love," he says, "and I'm so fucking in love with you, Alex. I just thought maybe you weren't into me."

Alex licks his lips, and a flush of arousal darkens his cheeks as Michael tracks the movements of his tongue with hungry concentration.

"I'm extremely into you," he says, his throat very suddenly bone dry, his voice husky. Michael's gaze hasn't moved from his lips, but he has flipped Alex's hand in his lap, starts running slow, feather-light brushes of his fingertips across Alex's palm and up his arm, fingers snaking under the short sleeve of Alex's shirt.

"I really wanna kiss you," Michael breathes, "but I’m also aware you just walked in on me hooking up with, like, Alex Manes-lite, so I—"

Alex closes the distance between them, pressing his lips to Michael's and cupping his neck, fingers finding their way into Michael's curls like he's been fantasizing about for so long. They're silky, clingy, and Michael tastes like lingering mouthwash and he smells like rain and Alex presses himself into Michael's lap, desperate to feel Michael's arms around his waist, the hard press of his chest against Alex's.

"I really want to do more than kiss you," Alex pants when they reluctantly part for air, when Michael’s fingers slip beneath his shirt and his nails scrape down Alex’s spine, and Alex feels the touch much lower on the geography of his skin.

Michael laughs, loud and free, and his strong hands on Alex's hips guide his legs apart until Alex is straddling his lap, those same hands pushing Alex's shirt up his chest, over his head.

"Thank God," Michael laughs, and reaches for Alex's belt.

#roswell nm #malex #malex fic #alex manes #michael guerin #college au #meet ugly #cw: negative perspective on Christianity/Fundamentalism

[robotslenderman]

Ewww getting big privileged homophobe vibes from you. Blocking now.

Thank God.

I doubt you'll ever read this, but just in case hate-reading is your thing - I don't know why you bothered with anon. You're obviously not a follower because I talk about how queer I am here ALL THE TIME. I saw many queerphobes on that queer post, and even visited a few of their blogs. (Most of them were TERFs, except one - you, who claimed to be a trans dude. Maybe you are! Maybe you're not a TERF posing as a trans dude and you really are okay with being part of a movement absolutely dominated by TERFs!)

But there was only one that I left a comment on. You'd posted about how queer people are so horrible to call ourselves queer. Like the anthropomorphic personification of class and tact that I am, I trolled you by asking if my queer presence made you uncomfortable.

Clearly, it did. :)

So go ahead. Call me the first mean name that comes to your head, as if it bothered me what a random totally-not-anon thinks I am. I'm totally fine with queerphobes thinking my existence is homophobic, because the only way they'd understand otherwise is if I pretended I wasn't queer. My alleged homophobia is latched on to my identity as a queer person. The only way you would not accuse me of being homophobic is if I stopped calling myself queer.

So you use my very identity as a weapon against me. I am queer, and I am attached to not being a homophobe. You know that queer people do not want to be perceived as something they hate completely by anyone, strangers included, especially on a website where people harass first and listen later (if at all). So you hold us hostage - deny our queerness, and you'll drop your weapon. You'll drop the word "homophobic" and stop pointing it at me.

I'm not gonna cave to this.

Nor am I going to write an outraged essay about how I'm not homophobic. You know perfectly fucking well that not a SINGLE queer person is straight. You know perfectly fucking well that most queer people are same sex attracted or attracted to enbies. You know perfectly fucking well that queer people have accepted that part of us and aren't dealing with internalised homophobia or inflicting it on other people because we ACKNOWLEDGE our queerness and you can see this, otherwise you wouldn't be getting mad about it. In a homophobic society everyone has a degree of it, but by being what we are we have less of it than the great majority.

You know this perfectly well. Don't fucking pretend otherwise, I would have to believe that you are well and truly and sincerely STUPID to think for one second that you think I'm a straight person or a closeted gay person who's lashing out with malicious homophobia. Real homophobia, not "this person is part of a minority I am bigoted against, so I will claim they are inherently homophobic unless they get back in the closet or categorise themself in a way that allows me to fine tune my bigotry appropriately."

Because let's be real. Queer hasn't been used as a slur in decades and was reclaimed before I was even born. "Gay" was the slur of the time when I was growing up, but people like you never had a problem with that. Why? Because gay is clear cut and well defined. The problem people like you have with queers like me - the REAL problem, not the faux outraged you have made up about my label - is that queer means I have declined your insistence to more accurately categorise myself.

I mean, how else would you know specifically how to treat me? I could be bi and you might hate bi people, but if I'm a gay queer you don't want to aim the wrong type of bigotry at me by mistake - not because you care about gay people (you don't, because many gay people are also queer), but because you don't want to make yourself look silly by aiming the wrong type of bigotry at me. I could be queer because I'm an enby, and maybe you're truescum that would despise me for it, but you don't KNOW whether or not I'm an enby and that drives you mad! You don't want to risk alienating people who care about you by shitting on someone they might not agree is an acceptable target, so you target every queer and claim it's about a word when really, many queer people seek refugee under that term to hide from people like you, and you don't like that we can hide from you, so you try to strip our shelter away from us.

(And let's be honest. You probably don't even actually hate us. You're probably just afraid. Afraid of some identity you don't really understand because you've never taken the time to get to know us, or afraid that society will accept you less if we're "competing" for acceptance and so take some of the spotlight... I won't shit on you for fear, anon. We are all afraid of something. But I absolutely have a problem with how you're choosing to knowingly hurt people to cope with it. You called me "homophobe" to hurt me. There was no other way to possibly interpret the context of what you were saying. You meant to do this.)

So take away queer. Take away the shelter of queer. Force every queer person to divulge, upfront, who they are that makes them friends with queer. Force them out of the closet and pretend THAT'S not homophobic.

Send the gay queers back to the L and G of LGBT, let the TERFs flush out the trans people who are queer because they're trans* and shoo them away from LGBTQ spaces. Or maybe you really are trans, but you want to kick out straight trans people, or enbies, or pan people, or bi people, or ace people, or, one of the many populations that make up the true queer community.

* Not all trans people are queer, but many are BECAUSE they're trans. I would say "many are queer because they identify as queer" because that makes it sound like queerness isn't an inherent part of who we are and gives people like you ammo I have no interest in supplying you with. "Aha! So you CHOOSE to be a slur!" I just know you'd completely ignore everything I said to the contrary and say that.

Yes. The true queer community.

We've told you again and again that we're not calling you queer. We've told you again and again, if you're not queer, you're not part of the queer community. You're LGBT+, not queer. I'm not part of the LGBT+ community, I'm part of the queer community.

The queer community is not the true community of people who aren't straight and cis, that's not what I'm saying. We're not any more or less LGBT+ than you. I'm not invalidating the identities of people who aren't straight and/or cis, because they are who they are, and you don't need to be queer to be LGBT+. But we are the true queer community in that we are queer, and people who are LGBT+ but are not queer are not queer. Only queer people are queer.

("But people use queer community as an umbrella term to mean people who aren't queer, but are still LGBT+!" Buddy, if I have to deal with being called LGBT all the time even though it's not true, while having the people who use LGBT obviously mean me too because I'm not straight, then you can live with it too. That's mostly straights doing that, in which case you have no reason to get mad at US, or people who are are making something for a straight audience or a questioning audience, in which case they're making it accessible because not everyone knows the nuance of queer and LGBTALPHABETSOUP discourse. Or even - and I know this thought is incomprehensible to you, as the centre of the universe - it's actually referring to queer people and queer people only, not LGBT+ who aren't queer. Actually, I love that idea! Queer history is now history of queer people, no non-queer LGBT+ allowed :D)

I've never felt LGBT+ even when I thought I was one of the main four letters. But I've always felt queer, even as my understanding of my specific brand of queerness changed. Queer is an umbrella term that is opt in, that covers any and all LGBT+ people who know they are queer too, who know they're one of us, or who simply choose to call themselves queer for whatever fucking reason they want. Some of us are intrinsically queer, some choose to be queer because of the inclusiveness or relative opacity of the term, and you don't know which one a queer person is unless you have earned our trust enough for us to tell you.

And people like you fucking hate that.

So you know what?

I'm totally fine with you calling me a homophobe because the people who actually know more about me than the few sentences I've given you know that that's a joke, and their good opinion matters more to me than yours.

I'm totally fine with you calling me a homophobe because because it means I've won. I've gotten under your skin, just as your bigotry got right under mine. You're furious you can't categorise me. You're pissed off that I could be one of the LGBT+ people you actively dislike and want out of the LGBT+ community, but are finding a hell of a lot harder to flush out of the queer community because we all look the same at first glance and refuse to give you information you feel entitled to. Because it's easy to force people out of the closet in the LGBT+ community, but much fucking harder in a meritocracy like the queer community. To get into the LGBT+ community, you have to tell them which one you are. Queer? No questions asked, cause you already told us all we needed to know! Welcome home!

But let's say this is all a strawman.

That you really are some well meaning person who has nothing against the more obscure queer identities and that you really do just have a problem with the word. That you truly do think that queer people, the great majority of which experience same sex attraction, are... somehow... homophobic just for using the word despite their advocacy against homophobia and total acceptance of that aspect of themselves and others. That our fight for marriage equality and employment and housing protections and human rights is rendered COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY IRRELEVANT because we used a word that Boomers and even some of gen X hurled at each other because a guy was a little bit girly, or a girl refused to grow her hair long, or because men were scared that a man would treat them the way they treated women. (Because queer as an archaic slur, ultimately, comes from misogyny as much as homophobia.)

Let's say you really do mean well and really do know people who were called queers instead of fags, or you really did grow up hearing "that is so queer" to describe things people didn't like, or you really did have "queer" hurled at you by straight people as if there was something wrong with you for not being cis and straight.

(Notice something, there? You probably haven't actually experienced any of that, nor anyone you know. This wank about who I am as a queer person - it's always aimed at us. Never the straights that used it against us. Nobody uses the word queer except queer people any more, I am 99% certain that you don't know ANYBODY who has had it thrown at them AS a slur, so that means that the only people you can target on your crusade are... gender and sexual minorities. Not cis/straight people. Because they're not calling us queers and haven't in decades.

That means you are knowingly targeting minorities over this EXCLUSIVELY, I am completely fucking certain..

... but I'M the homophobe?)

In which case all I can say is: I hope that the well-meaningness that's made you put this hateful thing into my inbox, that's made you say such hateful things to a minority because of their identity (there's a word for treating people differently because they're a minority, especially hostile treatment..), will outshine the hatefulness of what you're saying and lead you to a better way to express your desire to protect people.

If you truly are coming from a misplaced belief that we're somehow deprecating ourselves by being queer, and not a desire to force us out of the closet or to run off any gender or sexual minority, then I apologise for my hostility, acknowledge that learning takes time (and patience that I am unable to give, for I am tired of bad actors pretending they're not and cannot do it), and wish you the best in learning to be inclusive and loving so we can count you one day, at least, as a friend of us queer folk. Maybe one day we'll even welcome you as one of us. I'd love to do that more than I'd like to deal with THIS crap. I can't imagine me going off on you will have helped at all, but from in my experience people who want to protect gender and sexual minorities protect them. They don't target them. That's why I am writing this post under the assumption that you wrote this because you have bad intentions towards me as a queer person, and not out of a well meaning desire to protect anyone you think I've somehow hurt by being me.

In which case? Get fucked.

#long post #queer #queer queer queer #you know how I just said that I often come across as aggressive without intending to? #Disregard that this post is 100% aggressively intended #do not pick on my fellow queer folk or I will Go Off on you #also I don't get using privileged as an insult #that's like insulting me by calling me white #it's a descriptor #some people are privileged #I am privileged in some ways and not so in others #my queerness tho? definitely not

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

This is going to be so random but I need to share this with somebody because.... I just... I don’t.... Okay! So! My dad, super homophobic. I was in no mood today and he was pissing me off with some shit saying being gay is just a choice, blah blah blah. So I pulled out the old, “If being gay is a choice, then when did you choose to be straight,” card. And I was ready. I was ready for any argument this dumbass could come up with. I was ready to go all Rocky Balboa on his ass! Just all, “Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee!” Then this man, looked me dead in the eyes and said, “Around the same time I learned to like beer.” And I was not ready. Not ready one damn bit. That confusion you’re feeling, it’s mutual. He then took one look at my confused ass face and continued on with this metaphor, “No one loves it at first but you keep doing it and eventually you learn to like it.” And the worst part is he TOOK MY STUNNED SILENCE AS A VICTORY WHEN CLEARLY NOBODY WON HERE! WHO THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL THIS TOO?! I CAN’T TELL MY MOTHER! More importantly, WHO THE F*** IS GOING TO TELL HIM?! I CAN’T DO IT BUT SOMEBODY’S GOTTA TELL HIM!

FUCK. THAT...

On another note, I feel fucking sorry for your dad. Like... That's just painful to think about.

Still, homophobia is shitty. I don't know if anyone could tell him at this point.

It's just... Sad. I'm sorry for you too, that you live in such a household. 😣

Also, if you need more arguments for gay, just say homosexuality exists in over 1500 species of animals including sheep, dolphins, koalas and penguins. It has an evolutionary purpose - the children of the species who lost their parents or got abandoned are taken care of by gay couples so they'll survive! And there's no difference between a cub raised by a straight couple and one raised by a gay one.

Also, if he ever brings up the bible, here's more arguments:

It never said anything about gay people to begin with. The original Hebrew/Latin/Greek phrase said "a man shall not lie with a young boy" and referenced pedophilia to be forbidden (which is ironic if you think about it)

That god stands for love above all else "love your neighbor like you love yourself" and that your dad will be the one going to hell for the hate he harbors.

And also, if all gays are going to hell, I'd rather be there than up with bigoted Christians. (I mean, certain forms of torture can even be fun.)

(I'm not a christian, I'm agnostic, but I'm trying to be helpful)

- Mod JD

[outrunningthedark]

Especially because serge has given a statement and the proud lillywhites worked with him! He's learning! Lucas doesn't do shit other than scream COYS! How bigoted do you have to be to not participate in a club statement and essentially saying to all of your black team-mates and friends that they and their struggle do not matter! I do feel like were it a racial issue in the team that the team has to move the racist on, even if it's just for the public!

IA, nonnie. Whole-heartedly. The thing I’ve never understood when it comes to Serge’s previous POV (and how he’s treated for it) is, if a fan’s “hatred” isn’t rooted in racism, then they’re claiming change is impossible? Education is impossible? I am not hetero in the slightest and I did not come out of the womb knowing how to feel about my community. My parents never said anything. They haven’t been homophobic in my lifetime (at least in front of me), but they aren’t outwardly supportive, either. They just let people do what they want. I had no choice but to comes to terms with who I am on my own. I had to teach myself that it’s not okay to label things I don’t like or see as an inconvenience as “gay”. I am the one who had to explain to my nephew that there was nothing “ew” about Ellen Degeneres (I know, everyone hates her, but work with me) mentioning her wife on live television. We got kids on this website wanting to send Serge to the depths of hell for having prior homophobic opinions all while living with family members they or those they love cannot come out to. The anger and disappoint is being misdirected onto a person who has no bearing on their day-to-day life because it’s easier than ostracizing themselves from those they depend on to survive. 

#anonymous

[serenagaywaterford]

Sorry for sending you this. I come from a conservative family, and my friends aren't open-minded when it comes to sexuality. I have been madly in love with a woman who is much older than me and does not love me back. She is straight and married and my family hates her and do not want me to see her (complicated). Nobody knows about any of this. I have to lie about who I am. I tried dating men but can't get intimate at all. It's been 10 years. I feel awful. Like things will never get better.

Straight up: Do not apologise. Don’t. You have nothing to apologise for at all. Knock that guilt out of your life cos you don’t need it.

Sometimes we all just need to vent to someone that can understand and I’m glad you have found an outlet. It’s poisonous to hang onto everything inside yourself for so long.

I can’t say I know exactly how you feel, because while my family is somewhat conservative and religious as well, and I was absolutely fucking terrified of them knowing, I only had to experience a slight disowning by my father (on Christmas Eve as a nice little bonus). He was livid. My extended family was sort of... well, they just don’t say anything around me. My grandfather too is someone I’ve often heard say homophobic shit, but eventually he came up to me and said as long as the women in my life were treating me right, he had no problem. And the thing is, I believe him. It’s funny how people are forced to think of things differently when suddenly it’s someone they love. I mean generally, there is a much larger distance between me and my (extended) family than there was before, but it’s not hateful at least. A bunch of them came to my wedding, including my grandparents. They are still just as conservative and religious as ever... but some people, may not be as scary and bigoted as you think, or as they say. But I wouldn’t bet on it either. I just got lucky that even if they do think it’s wrong/sinful/gross, at least they don’t say anything to my face or treat me any differently than before. It’s always gonna be something in the back of my mind though, a doubt. There is no way to shake that. I am literally the only lesbian in my entire family, which consists of 100s of cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. It’s statistically ridiculous but I am the only one who is out, at any rate. No other ones have even hinted they’re gay. It’s very isolating but it is what it is, and it’s up to them to accept that, not up to me to change to please them. Neither is up to you to hide or change yourself to please your friends and family.

And I lost A LOT of friends. Like, most of them, when they realised I was serious about “the lesbian thing”. It’s not all happy times. You will have to be prepared to lose most, if not all of your friends, and it’s fucking awful. And the sad fact is, many of us need to be mentally prepared to lose friends and family because they’re bigots. However, A FEW may stick with you. They may not all be horrible. But honestly, you never know until it happens.

If you want advice, I’d say try as hard as you can to get over this much older married straight woman who doesn’t love you back. I will have to side with your family on not wanting you to have anything to do with her. Cut all ties. She will only bring you more stress and heartbreak. I don’t know how old you are but age gaps may seem fun in fiction, but in reality they are really difficult. I say that as someone whose wife is 12 years older than me, and I know many other lesbians in relationships with age gaps. (It seems to be a thing?) It’s really fucking hard to connect sometimes and you will absolutely see some really important things from wildly different perspectives because of age, and there will be unresolvable tension sometimes because of that. And furthermore, the older one usually has far more economic power in the relationship which can be very toxic, and unless they’re a good person, can lead to really sketchy imbalances in the relationship.

Plus, she’s married. Look, it’s not going to work out for you. You’re only going to get hurt in the long run. Married people very, very rarely leave their marriages, and I find women even less likely than men to do so. I know one woman who was strung along by another woman who was married with kids (to a man), for YEARS and was basically made into an emotional labour servant and bankrupt. And if she doesn’t even love you back, there is no way she’s budging. She’s not even attracted to you if she’s straight. She’s using you, for something. I can’t tell what from the limited information but I am certain she’s using you for something. It’s really sketchy and she is going to really hurt you. You need to be proactive, cut ties with her, and try your best to fall out of love. 

Firstly, it’s toxic for you. You don’t deserve that.

Secondly, it may improve your relationship with your family. It is possible that it’s not so much the fact it’s a woman, so much as they see this woman as taking advantage of you and you being blinded by infatuation. I cannot make any guarantees, but perhaps their perspective would change if they saw you involved in a more equal, less unhealthy relationship with a woman. They may just be scared for you. Hell, I’m worried for you and I don’t even know you.

Please, please, please forget about her. I know it may seem like there is nobody else, but there is. Somewhere, whether that’s someone you connect with online, or another person in real life. There are people out there, and probably in your town who feel exactly like you. (If you’re in a larger city then definitely there are.)

Lying about who you are is fucking torture. 10 years is a fucking long time to hide yourself. I’m so sorry you have to do that. But don’t harm yourself even further by forcing yourself into relationships with men. You'll end up just (re)traumatizing and depressing yourself even further. Think of it this way: it’s better to be totally alone, than forcing yourself to be with a man. I know it may not seem that way, but unless you’re gonna find yourself a gay guy who needs a beard and you come to some sort of understanding, it is never going to not be painful for you. (And even with that sort of arrangement, it’s still lonely and a lie.) 

It’s sounds cliche and stupid but it will get better. It honestly will. But it may not be anytime soon. That’s the biggest problem. It could be tomorrow, it could be 2 years from now. But it does, eventually. The sooner you can stand on your own two feet and feel like you can cope without family, the sooner you can be true to yourself and finally happy. (Unless you’re in a country where homosexuality is illegal. In which case, I have no real advice cos I have no experience or knowledge. I’d probably suggest something unsafe by accident.) I find the fear of losing connections with family causes A LOT of issues. And this isn’t even necessarily about being gay, but it happens in all sorts of situations. (Leaving a religion, drugs, career, racism, etc.) Family are not the be all and end all of life. You can find and make your own family.

I don’t know any details of your complicated situation but all I can say is forget about this married straight woman. She’s not worth it. You need to disconnect from her as soon as you can. That’s the first step. I know it’s very lonely and miserable, and you feel isolated and hopeless (been there too), but what’s important is finding (or making) friends who don’t judge you for those reasons, and develop a support system--even if it’s just one person in real life and a few online. Then you can worry about family and finding a new love. In the meantime, look for new friends, online or not, find new hobbies to fill the time and use the energy you’re putting into this straight woman. Try dreaming about your perfect woman, and dont’ put this straight lady’s face on her. Just dream, if nothing else. You need to distract yourself from her, and distance yourself from her.

You will someday find a woman to love you back, and that you can love, and whilst I can’t guarantee your conservative family will ever come around, some day their opinion won’t matter nearly as much. Or they may surprise you. You’ll have what you need through other ways. You are lovable and someone will find you. I know how stupid it sounds, but you really just need to hang on a little while longer.

I know these words are pretty easy to say and a lot harder to live, but if nothing else, know you’re not alone. There are 1000s if not millions of women just like you in the world. Somewhere. I honestly hope things get better for you and I hope you find someone who deserves your love.

Again, never apologise for sending messages like this. To anybody. Venting and ranting is always welcome here. BIG HUGS, ANON. xx

#much love #Anonymous

[justanultrastressedwriter]

Aw Hell No - Ch I

Next          Masterlist

TW: Homophobia (slurs), Violence, Swearing. Let me know if I should tag anything else

“Uh, DJ! Can’t you believe it?” the bouncy redhead squealed to her tall, curly-haired best friend with excitement.

“Can’t believe what? That you could somehow reach super supersonic levels this early in the morning?” the guy standing next to her muttered, frowning down at his best friend.

“Don’t be a dick, Daniel. Can’t you at least pretend to be excited? It’s the first day of our senior year! This is the home stretch, baby!” the short imp said, with an excited grin on her face.

“Charlotte Elizabeth Thomas. It's barely even 8 am, I’ve only had one cup coffee because you, for some ungodly reason, wanted to get to school ridiculously early, you have been shrieking in my ear for the last half hour, and I have the first period with the teacher who hates me the most because he’s the most bigoted person on the face of the Earth. What the hell do I have to be excited about?” Daniel James frowned at her, glaring. He was nowhere near being a morning person like his best friend was. Daniel could barely function before 9 am without numerous cups of coffee.

“Well, Mr. Grumpy Gills, for starters you have little old me. I’m taking the time out of my busy life to grace you with my perfect existence. My mere presence should make you ecstatic, you utter peasant.” she said cheekily, tilting her head to the side and raising her chin arrogantly. Daniel couldn’t help but crack a smile at her.

“Charlie, I have no fucking idea how I have managed to be your best friend. Your massive ego should be your best friend instead of me, you annoying little twerp.” Daniel teased.

“But, I’m your annoying little twerp and you can’t help but love me,” Charlie said with a reckless grin and a quirked eyebrow.

Daniel was about to respond with one of his famous witty one-liners when his thoughts were interrupted by a strong force against his back, shoving his face into the cool metal of the lockers he had been leaning on. He knew that at least one bruise would appear there the next day.

“Happy first day of school, faggot.” a voice hissed from behind him. He could hear the sneer and disdain in the person’s voice, which helped him recognize the voice. It made his muscles tense as he turned to face the biggest prick in the entire school.

Connor Smith; the popular jock that had been tormenting Daniel since they were in preschool. It had started back then with small childish antics: the breaking of crayons and toys, blaming Daniel for everything - which made all of their teachers peg him as a troublemaker and hate him, despite being one of the quietest and most polite kids in school - and a long list of other things that didn’t really matter in the long run.

Ever since Daniel had been forced out of the closet in their freshman year, though, Connor Smith and the entire school had gotten worse. Connor had inspired the football team on numerous occasions to jump Daniel in the school parking lot after school or to tie him to the goalposts naked, they all constantly shoved Daniel in the halls and into lockers, made him spill his lunch all over himself, broke into his locker to ruin his textbooks or his schoolwork and notes, but those were just things the sport teams did. The entire school would simply trip him or call him cute pet names, ‘useless queer’, ‘faggot’, or Daniel’s favorite ‘dirty little cocksucker’.

Of course, no one ever did anything about Daniel’s predicament. The best people would turn the other cheek to everything going on. Daniel’s mom had gone to the school boards countless times, even a few teachers had gone to the administrations on his behalf, but nothing happened. Either it was because “they were just boys being boys”, “that there wasn’t enough evidence”, or that Daniel brought this upon himself either by not sticking up for himself but Daniel knew what they really meant.

“Hey, Meathead! Leave him alone! He’s done nothing to you!” Charlie yelled, getting as fiery as her red hair and glaring up at the jock. Standing at 5’3”, Charlie yelling at Connor, who stood at a whopping 6' 3”, looked like David challenging Goliath. It could have been considered comical by an outside party.

Connor smirked as if he were amused, but then his favorite lackey spoke up, with a lustrous look. “You wanna dance, Red? I can make sure you have a great time. I can think of so many ways to make you scream.”

Charlie’s cheeks turned red at the implications and she began to struggle for words. Daniel felt a fire of anger ignite up within his chest. He knew exactly how uncomfortable his best friend was about anything sexual. She hadn’t even kissed anyone for fucks’ sake. So Daniel came to her rescue, standing up to his full height to look the jerk in the eyes and shield his best friend from the pair of Neanderthals. “Leave her alone, Tyler. She has nothing to do with this, you know that. Your problem is with me.”

Tyler Roberts. Daniel’s second-biggest tormentor and Connor’s best friend/lackey. He was also known for being the biggest man-whore around having slept his way through at least half of the town.

“Or what, fag?” Tyler said, his voice filled with scorn and disgust, making Daniel flinch at the word.

“Or we’ll take our problem to the cops, jackass,” Daniel said, glaring at the other boy. “You are eighteen, right? How does jail sound to you? And if not, oh well. I’ll just settle for getting you kicked off the football team. That will lead you to have a problem with the rest of the football team and Coach Jamison- aren’t y’all expected to go to the playoffs this year? I don’t think the team will make it without their starting lineman, huh? Not to mention all of the colleges that are willing to offer you sports scholarships. The rest of the world is pretty damn liberal these days, I don’t think they’ll take too kindly to you being charged with a hate crime against a poor innocent gay kid, now would they? But by all means, if you want to risk it all by beating me to a pulp - then bring it on, asshole. I’ve been through worse and I’ve got nothing to lose.”

Daniel raised his arms out to his sides in a challenge. He’d rather get his ass kicked a dozen times over than watch those goons touch his best friend again. He watched as the larger Neanderthal’s brain worked through the concept that actions do have consequences.

Apparently, Connor’s brain worked a lot quicker than his counterpart, because he clasped a hand onto Tyler’s shoulder as if to calm him.

“Danny-boy’s right, man. There’s too much at stake for us.” Connor turned back to Daniel with a glare, “We’re not finished here, faggot.”

As the two jocks walked away, Daniel and Charlie shared a look and a sigh of relief, “You okay, Char?”

“I should be asking you the same thing, sweetie. They barely even looked at me.” Charlie said, looking at her best friend with concern.

Daniel shrugged, rubbing his forehead. “I’m just so tired of this shit, Charlie. These giant jackasses thinking that I’m dirt just because I’m gay. It’s so fucking stupid. But, I mean, are they right? Am I less than they are because I’m a faggot?”

Standing at 5 foot ten, with curly black hair that was constantly hanging in his light grey eyes framed by the pair of round glasses that rested on his freckle covered nose, Daniel James was gay.

After coming out to his two best friends at the time Charlie and one of their former friends Grace, he was forced out of the closet. Grace had panicked after hearing the news and she told her parents who then told the entire town and because they lived in a small-ass town in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere of the deep South. That made Daniel a social pariah.

Charlie pulled her best friend into a tight hug, “Oh, honey, no. You are not less than them. If anything, you’re so much more. You don’t have to put other people down to make yourself feel big. All of these ignorantly homophobic assholes are piles of shit compared to you.”

Daniel felt himself be slightly comforted by his friend’s words, but he couldn’t stop the negative thoughts and self-disgust running through his head. The bell for the first period rang, causing the two to pull apart. Daniel grimaced, knowing what that bell meant. For the next fifty minutes, he would be at the will and mercy of the most bigoted teacher on the small campus. “Wish me luck.”

“Oh, yeah. You’ve got P.E. with Coach Jamison, huh? Hell, yeah. I wish you all the luck in the world. You’re gonna need it.” Charlie said with a playful grin.

“Don’t remind me,” Daniel said, rolling his eyes and walking towards the boy’s locker room to change into the required gym uniform. Hopefully, if he got there early enough, Daniel could change in peace and hurry into the gym to get this torture over with.

Daniel found the locker to be empty and he quickly changed out of his flannel and T-shirt, then entered the gymnasium where Coach Jamison glared at him as if Daniel was a piece of dirt on his shoe. It made Daniel’s throat clench.

Daniel hung his head in shame and waited patiently for everyone else to show up in silence. Daniel only looked up after the door opened and he could feel someone’s eyes on him and what he saw made beads of sweat appear on his brow and his throat clench. It was Connor Smith, wearing a grin that sent chills down Daniel’s spine. He thought, ‘This class just somehow got even worse. Fuck me.’

#tw homophobia #my writing #soulmate au #aw hell no

[nightcoremoon]

I scroll through tumblr and it's post after post after post of human rights abuses and "please donate to blah blah blah fund"

I honestly gotta say if I wasn't trapped in a prison of a dozen individual financial, physical, emotional, and psychological issues that all conflict and stack on top of each other, I'd just say fuck it and start doing actual shit that matters and achieves results. starting fires in locations holding lots of paper regarding legal stuff, investing in portable magnetic equipment to fry hard drives, disabling vehicles, stealing drugs and planting them elsewhere, investing in molotov cocktails to throw into crowds of nazis and homophobes and ice agents, making fake pipe or gas bombs to plant at republican rallies and inciting evacuations, amassing an arsenal of assault rifles to incite panic in the fascist overlords' safe spaces, destroy the anti-homeless spikes on city sidewalks, bring down a sledgehammer on the abortion propaganda, stick socks in republican car gas fuel valves and set them on fire, brick windows. fuck it, I'd kill members of the presidential cabinet if it was for the greater good. just... inhibiting all of that evil any way that I can.

there's a fucking reason why only progressives are killed. Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, John F Kennedy, Gandhi. good has standards. evil does not. superman throws lex luthor in jail a million times but every time luthor makes a bigger scheme that kills more innocents but ~superman doesn't kill because if he kills then he's just as bad~ BULLSHIT. letting evil men live to kill more innocents is just killing the innocents yourself. fuck you if you think that killing nazis is ~just as bad~ as killing jews. evil humans kill people for things that they're born as: black, muslim, gay... killing an evil human for the choices they make is incomparable.

frank castle, richard zelazny, ezio auditore... they're killers. and they'd be heroes if they were real. but they're not, because the people who claim to be good don't have the balls to do anything other than make signs and give a few dollars. they're lazy, selfish, spineless cowards more obsessed with focusing on their own lives than about making radical changes to this hell world sculpted for us by whatever you wanna call it. illuminati? freemasons? bilderburgs? whatever. it's complicity, empty shameless pats on the back for helping despite never doing a fucking thing. bigots aren't swayed by logic. they aren't swayed by nickels and dimes. they aren't swayed by any compassionate heartfelt speeches about the inherent goodness of man. they aren't swayed by thoughts and prayers and boyscouts holding hands to sing kumbaya. the intelligent bigots hate from a distance and seek information, like I did when I matured to an adult. the irredeemable garbage, the idiots, the inbred degenerate hateful unchangeable unswayable evil masses just need to be exterminated. they have to be afraid to exist as we're afraid to exist. but that'll never happen.

everyone wants to change the world but no one wants to die? close, gerard. many people want to die because of the tyranny, the hate, and the evil around us. nobody wants to kill. nobody wants to harm, to disrupt, to bother, to inhibit at all in any way shape or meaningful form. it's because we're conditioned by Them, by those powers that be, to fall in line like good little boys and girls. our signs and paltry donations are just distractions. they keep us complacent with the illusion that we're doing anything. but behind closed doors they're just making a new aids, a new gestapo, a new atom bomb, a new swine flu, a new ebola, a new weapon to use on us who don't fit their narrow view of the world.

none of us are willing to step out of line and do actual damage to their machines. nobody has the desire to put spanners in the cogs. nobody wants to bust nazi heads open and hospitalize them and then unplug their life support and leave a card that says "we aren't afraid to stand up for ourselves anymore" written in the blood of the nazi pig they slaughtered on that gurney. nobody wants to do that who has the capability to. only those of us victimized by all of these manufactured mental illnesses given to the poor through the chemicals in all the generic brand food, and then can't get into a college and get a degree to get a lottery raffle for a decent paying job where we can afford to do anything to help out those less fortunate than us, or aren't just carbon copy cookie cutter cishet white christians, we're the only ones who would even consider that as an option, and we can't because we all have mental illnesses that we can't afford to medicate or otherwise take care of and even if we could that's all tainted because the medical community doesn't want us fixed because then they lose profits. they don't give a shit about the hippocratic oath since only the rich can get into health anyway. we're just fucked any way you look at it.

and now pointing it out I'm probably gonna be put on a federal watch list and the FBI's hacker community will just filter my IP address through specific channels to ensure nobody sees this post because it doesn't show up on anybody's dashboard. that or they'll just plant cocaine in my car and pull me over next time I go to work then shoot me 5 times in the back and I'll go down as a statistic all because I dared to say on my private blogging website "man wouldn't it be cool if vigilantism existed in the real world and not just comic books and cartoons" since literal nazis are ruling the world now.

and you know what? either I'll die talking about fighting for the cause, I'll fade into obscurity having done nothing, or they'll activate some kill switch and make me commit suicide, or kidnap me and sell me in the black market. there is zero positive outcome here. the world is just evil and no amount of prayer or memes will ever fix it. it's irreparably broken. we can only stay alive long enough to hopefully help one person, keep ourselves happy and sane, and hope that there's an afterlife of some sort where we can actually live a life free of fear and hate. but that's just a fairytale pipe dream. we'll just die and that'll be the end of it. too fucking bad the gluttonous avaricious hateful swine running this shitshow have made it so I can't even enjoy the blink I'll have on this speck of mud encrusted with the virus of humanity.

...

Ha Ha I Am Just Kidding, Mr Federal Agency Spying On Me Because They Paid Off Yahoo, These Are Just Lyrics For A Punk Metal Band I Am Forming, I Have No Desire To Revolt At All. I Am Being Ironic And Joking. :) :) :) Everything Is Just Fine.

[darthkieduss]

Reasons I hate Fat Donnie Trump (will update frequently)

#Republican, duh. #Narcissistic Personality Order #He lost the Popular vote. #No previous political experience #Has unrealistic ideas about how to solve America's problems, such as getting Mexico to pay for a wall to keep illegal immigrants out. #Vice President is a crazy fundamentalist Christian homophobic wackjob who thinks electroshock therapy cures homosexuality and can't be alone with a woman without his wife present. #Believes in unscientific ideas such as the idea that vaccines cause autism (I am autistic so this is a bit personal) #Has made comments alluding to sexual harassment. #Can't let any slight go. Even comments made about his sign. Jeez, Obama simply shrugged off the trolls and haters. #Won't stop bitch-tweeting. #Enacted the separation of children from their parents. #Tried to ban trans folks from the military. As long as they serve our country, who cares? #Suspended CNN's press pass after some tough questioning. #Is imposing insanely high tariffs on imported goods, mostly from China. #Supports unconstitutional profiling of Muslims. #Supports killing civilians in war. “We gotta take our their families” WHO THINKS LIKE THIS? #Posted troops on the border just for political advantage in the 2018 mid-terms. #Is a shameless self-promoter. #Can't admit his own faults. #Believes he's qualified for president because he's rich (said this in 2013) #Has passed insane tax cuts for the rich, which only increase America's budget deficit and national debt. TRICKLE-DOWN NEVER WORKS. #Had to be discouraged from invading Venezuela, who hasn't done anything to us and poses no threat to us. #Gets advice from Fox News. #Pulled out the Iran deal which was working. #Thinks that the way to show strength is by being a dick. #Cheated on every one of his wives and lied about it. We impeached Bill Clinton for it. #Has increased the military budget way too much. We spend $664 BILLION on the military. It doesn't need anymore. #Claimed Obama spied on him by wiretapping the Trump towers. Provided no evidence. #When he is criticized for something, he claims “Obama started it...” *facepalm* #LIES ON A CONSTANT BASIS. I think he lies just to see what his fans will believe... #He won't admit he lost the popular vote. He says "If you deduct the illegal voters." Oh please... #Is undoing everything Obama did just because it was Obama that did it. If he could bring back Osama bin Laden, he would. #WORLD LEADERS ARE LAUGHING AT HIM AND US #He has his cabinet kiss his ass on a constant basis. #He committed campaign finance violations during the election. #He fired FBI Director Jimmy the Giant Comey just because he wouldn't swear loyalty to him and was investigating him. That’s Obstruction of Justice. #Attacked former Attorney General Jeff Sessions for not closing the Mueller investigation. #He said he wanted to lower the minimum wage back in 2015. #The infamous "Mexicans are rapists" Comment. #Attacked the late John McCain for being a Prisoner-of-War. #Gave out a Senator's cellphone number out of spite. #Blamed Megyn Kelly's tough questioning on her period. #He said "Bring back torture EVEN IF IT DOESN'T WORK". (2015) ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! #Tried to have his political opponents locked up. #"Jokes" about being president-for-life. If Obama had "joked" about this, the right would've lost their shit. #Threatened martial law in Chicago. #Praised Protestant bigot Norman Peale, who only opposed JFK simply because he was Catholic. #He violated the Presidential Records Act. #One of his tax cuts gave the poor $40, the ultra-rich $940,000 #He appeals to insecure men. #He and Jeff Sessions said it is ok to discriminate against gay people. #Complains about people not respecting the flag, says the guy who molests it. #Wants North Korean-style Military Parades. #Started that Obama birth certificate bullshit... He only said Obama was born in America in 2016...when it was politically-convenient. (*cough* back-pedaling) #He believes women are beneath him. #Doesn't believe in Global Warming. #Wouldn't stop saying interrupting Clinton in the debates. #Has more in common with the criminal Richard Nixon than anyone else. (Edit: He called for an end to investigations like Tricky Dick did in ‘74) #3.2 MILLION Americans lost their health insurance in Trump's first year. #"A terror attack would help me politically bigly." or we could NOT have a terrorist attack, thank you. #Claimed he would've run into a school shooting to confront the shooter without a weapon. BULLSHIT. #His lawyers say "I can't let him testify because he can't stop lying." #His budget obliterated funding for Science, Education, EPA & labor. #He encourages Republicans to break the law. #Tweeted FAKE photos to convince his fans that the border wall is being built. #Has committed obstruction of justice. (Edit: Confirmed by Mueller) #Said he's in favor of bombing civilians. #He had the USAF bomb an antivenom medical facility in Syria. #He said he only received $1 Million from his father. HE GOT $400 Million. ANOTHER LIE. #He makes everything about himself. Even 9/11. Who makes 9/11 about himself? #Claims he's completely immune to lawsuits over constitutional violations. Nixon said that, but it didn't work for him. #He's driving us to another Great Depression. #He threatened to punish the media if they weren't nice to him. #He calls the press "The enemy of the people" when they don't kiss his ass. #He calls Sean Hannity every night. Sean Hannity is a partisan hack who wouldn't turn on a Republican president even if he found out he was using JFK's Eternal Flame to light farts. He’s so far up Trump’s ass he can taste his lunch. #He still uses his private NON-SECURE cell phone, creating HUGE National Security problems. #He admitted his attacks on the media are just to discredit negative stories. #He claims he has the power to pardon himself. NO THE HELL HE DOESN'T. #Giuliani said Trump can't testify because his memory keeps changing. #THE MOST THIN-SKINNED PRESIDENT. #He is against the protections for pre-existing conditions. HE is a pre-existing condition. #When told Kim Jong-Un is a murderer, he responded "He's a tough guy." #He says Americans should obey him like North Koreans are forced at gunpoint to obey Kim Jong-un. #He trusts brutal dictators, but not our closest allies. #He is jealous of Kim Jong-Un's absolute grip on power. #He lied about the German crime rate to justify his immigration policies. #He suggested destroying the Constitution so he can deport immigrants faster. #Authorized USING LETHAL FORCE ON UNARMED MIGRANTS!!! #Lied to the United Nations, saying poverty in America doesn't actually exist. I PERSONALLY know people who are living in poverty. #He issued a gag order to stop government employees from talking to reporters. #He said, on tape, that if Senator Elizabeth Warren proved she was Native American, he would donate $1 million to a charity of her choice. When she did, and someone pointed it out, he said "I didn't say that." Whether or not he’s obligated to pay, he said he would but now he’s saying he didn’t say it. #Says people who criticize him are a threat to America. #His trade wars have cost 100,000+ American jobs. #People who work for him tend to be convicted of crimes... #Makes slanderous lies about us Democrats. #Told German Chancellor she owes him $1 Trillion even though she doesn't him shit. #76% of the claims Trump makes during his rallies are LIES. #He has committed at least NINE impeachable offenses. #He said he believes Russian president Vladimir Putin over OUR OWN intelligence agencies. #He once said in December 2016, "Fuck the law! I don't give a fuck about the law! I want my fucking money!" #Claimed we've won the war on poverty, so let's cut food stamp programs. No we haven't. #He threatened to nuke the economy to spite China. #He said he'd drain the swamp, yet he was 86 lobbyists on his staff. #He thinks everyone else is as stupid as he is. #Corporations are PRAYING that Trump tweets us into a war. #He told a crowd "reality isn't real" so they should ignore it. #Wages have tanked after Trump's wealthy tax cut. #Nixon was guilty as hell and Trump sounds just like him. #He actually claimed you need a Picture ID to buy cereal....CEREAL...WHO IS THIS STUPID?!?! #He claimed people will die if we don't make cars less fuel efficient. #By August 2018 his lie count topped 4,200+. By May 2019, it’s now 10,000+. #His administration is now allowing more toxic asbestos into our daily lives. #His wife plagiarized Michelle Obama in a speech during the election. #He watches tapes of his rallies to marvel at his own "brilliance", if that's what you call it. More like jerking off to himself. #He said military might is more important that jobs. #He said violating ethics rules to meet with Fox news is in "the public's interest" #Discreetly called for Hillary Clinton's assassination by firearm (”Second Amendment people”) if she had won. #Claimed he would ONLY accept the results of the 2016 election IF HE WON. #Said "Let's fucking kill him" of Bashar al-Assad. Yes, Assad is a bad man, but WE DON'T ASSASSINATE PEOPLE. #He said he wants to separate migrants kids from parents INDEFINITELY. #He acted like a total ass on the 2018 9/11 anniversary. #He denies that 3,000+ Puerto Ricans died in Hurricane Maria. #Pentagon officials had to stop Trump from tweeting us into a war. #American taxpayers spent $77 MILLION on Trump's Golf trips. #Criticized Obama for golf trips...has taken more golf trips in 3 years than Obama did in 8. #Said the FBI is a "Cancer to the country". #His administration cut cancer research funding to pay for child prisons. #Puerto Rico won't get statehood simply because they were mean to him. *His administration said Planet is burning down, so let's just ruin it now. *Says he loves North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un. “We fell in love”. *Talked about his dick at the debates. *He is being investigated for tax evasion and fraud. *Hates immigrants, married two Eastern European immigrant, son of a Scottish immigrant and grandson of a German immigrant. *Claimed Iraq War was wrong, yet he has increased troop numbers there. *Compared sexual assault victims to arsonists. #He denied Saudi Arabia financial interests...AFTER bragging about them. #He hasn't condemned Saudi Arabia for their murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi. #He mocked decorated Navy SEAL, saying they should've gotten Osama bin Laden sooner. WHAT? #He banned 2 Million Federal workers from discussing his impeachment at work. #He demanded that he leave the G20 during the climate change discussion. #He told about skyrocketing national debt: "I won't be here." when it explodes. #Called a US Senator "The Dick". #*His hush money payments were done ILLEGALLY, with campaign cash. #His cult sent bombs to everyone he criticized. Not saying he's directly responsible but that's how cultist his fans are. #He threatened to bring Saturday Night Live to court simply for making fun of him. Awww poor baby, is someone making fun of you? Good. #Never has a president been under so much investigations except Richard Nixon. #He pulled us out of the Paris agreements. #His 2018 government shutdown lasted 35 days and was over a stupid wall. #He only works 40% of the day. He's the laziest POTUS ever. #He pulled us out of the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty. HE STARTED A NEW COLD WAR. #He won’t release his taxes. If he’s got nothing to hide, why HIDE EM? #He threatened us Democrats, saying he has the support of the police, the military and “Bikers for Trump.” Bikers for Trump=BrownShirts. #Claims that windmill causes cancer and kill birds...Are you fucking kidding me? #His son Donny Douchebag got a crowd to chant “AOC sucks” like the douchebag he is. #Claimed his father was born in Germany. Fred Trump was born in NYC, how stupid can you be to not know where your parents were born... #Claims he should get 2 more years added to his term because those 2 years were “stolen” by the Mueller report. *facepalm-cringe* #He told 4 Progressive non-white Congresswomen to “Go back to where you came from”. 3 of 4 were BORN HERE, YOU FUCKING RACIST #One-uped the “go back to your country” but viciously attacking Elijah Cummings and Baltimore in a racist Twitter tirade. #Extorted the Ukrainian President to investigate Joe Biden (finally being impeached) #He's always blaming everybody else, complaining, never taking responsibility. #"I inherited a mess." You inherited millions of dollars, you whiny...little...BITCH!

#Trump #Donald Trump #Fat Donnie #I hate Trump #Why I hate Trump #Bernie 2020 #Why I'm not a Republican #Impeach the MF #Impeach the MFer #Impeach the Motherfucker #I love Bernie

[myselfornow]

Real talk for a second....

Let’s real talk for a second....

This is a very important reminder to think before you start shouting something and this of all subjects can be touchy so I want people to look at this from all sides before you jump on me. As 90% percent of what I post or repost is taken from my own experiences I hope that people younger than me can learn from the past. A statement I live by is those ‘those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.’

Those people in 2019 who shout “I am ________” as loud as they can and at nauseating moments I want to explain something. Today in this day and age no one cares. You may have a small number of people who might harass you but you are not fighting for acceptance on a wide spread level you are not fighting for your fellow LGBT+ members you are really cheapening the work your forefathers in the movement really did.

Now those who know me will do a double take and say “what the fuck does this old white cis woman know of our struggles in the community?” And I would easily reply ‘did you just stereotype me?’ Then to go on I know more of the struggle for acceptance in the community than most of you do. Most of you are to young to know what it was like in the 80’s when the struggle was real. People were lynched, beaten, killed, and so much more. Not to mention the torment they had to daily as either it was sink or swim, either you hid in the closet or you were flamboyantly gay. So again you may ask “how the fuck would you know what it was like?”

My story began in the mid-80’s when i was in Elementary school. I grew up a small rural farming town. We were on the map for cows and tobacco and thats it. Nothing else good ever came out of the town, myself included. So in elementary school my best friend parents started divorcing. She was in pain and needed to lash out but as a child had no idea her punishment of lashing out at me would lead me down a path that would follow me for years, even decades later.

My brother was a typical twenty something who had a predominant preference for porn both in movies and in print. My bf took some of his magazines and her master plan began. I was a rather naive child and didn’t even realize he had the things, myself. She brought them into our school and started to show people who than told a teacher. It is amazing the series of events that took place and how it was handled back then. Instead of quietly handling it while there were no children in the hall the teacher went ballistic while classes were changing, so every damn kid in the school was in the hallways at the time. Now you are thinking how did this effect me and not my friend since she had the material and I didn’t? She told everyone that she spoke to they were mine.... not my brothers..... not that she stole them.... but they were mine...

Not children don’t think for themselves at ten. The thought process was not while i was ten how the hell could I have porn? It was she had porn holy crap she is gay! Now this is the 80’s so this was not just some thing to be taken with lightly people for the most part are not accepting of differences. This is full on frontal assault territory where I got hit, tripped, spit on, yelled at, cussed at, pushed, and it seemed the whole world was against me. The funny things was I didn’t even know what the word lesbian was and here i was condemned for being one.

Everyone I knew, everyone I considered a friend, every person I grew up with turned on me, all because of this word.

It not only spread through the school like wildfire but through the town as well. Everyone, including adults, looked at me differently. Spoke to me as if I was trash. In my mothers infinite wisdom she simply said “don’t react and it will die down and people will forget it.”

That didn’t happen. It only got worse. The mental torment, the physical abuse, everything it only got worse. I wanted to die. Every night I wished for death to take me. I was ten. I lived and went through this basically at the major start for the movement for acceptance for the community. Every derogatory slur was thrown at me, I took beatings, I lived through the worst time to being homosexual and young and I didn’t even know what it meant. I took those words, I took those beatings and now I see the community for the most part IS accepted. It is safe to come out.

But it was only for a year not a lifetime right?

No it wasn’t for a year. It was eight. I left my small prejudice town when I was 18 because I knew I could never have a fresh start there. Regardless of everything I did or said I was still known as the gay one. I dated outside of the town but because of the age difference between my boyfriend and I we had little contact with people my own age, the people who needed to see the relationship for what it was. So if I said I had a boyfriend people assumed I was lying to cover up the fact I must have had a girlfriend. The longest eight years of my life. I took the brunt of the bigotry, prejudice, and hatred that some people even thanked me later in life because it made their coming out slightly easier.

That makes me smile now but at the time I hated everyone of them. Every single person I crossed paths with. I knew what was coming. So I lived the life for eight years being condemned for no reason at all. Does this shit happen today? Of course it does, people or society, doesn’t really ever change. You will always have some idiots who think they are better than you for what ever reason because they can’t accept differences.

Now as a person who lived the life during one of the worst times to be homosexual and didn’t have to because I am really not I have a special insight to the community. I also have a insight as a parent to a person in the community. I can tell you without a doubt the ones who screech the loudest “I am gay and I am proud” and that they do this because they are so oppressed I am telling you you can only do that because of people like me. You are not held down and beaten, you do not have gangs of people out to harm you, you might have a few religious zealots or some bigots tell you something that may hurt your feelings but you are NOT oppressed, at least in most of the western world. You may have to deal with cultural issues and racial issues to being homosexual but if your are in The western world YOU ARE ACCEPTED for the most part.

Well you have no idea what it is to be in the LGBTQ+ community now. Yes I do. Regardless of the fact I am not gay I am a card carrying member I EARNED that right to speak up on issues. I am now the parent of a few children that are members of the community as well. My best friend is gay and I love him and his husband for who they are. I still deal with issues indirectly now. My oldest daughter proudly came out to her own issues and I have to say I was nervous when she did, however the support not only from her peers but her teachers and other friends has been nothing but extraordinary. I took everything like I did so this could happen.

But cis people are always like “we don’t scream we are straight but they don’t understand what it is like to have to be told you can’t love who you want?” This has to be the most ridiculous thing I have heard from a 20 something person who is bisexual. When I spoke up to try to explain I was yelled at that I would never understand and that i was a homophobe. I chuckled and walked away shaking my head but the encounter never left my mind. At twenty something this person has lived in a time that it was accepted. I will never downplay a persons own emotions or their reactions therefore to get in a debate with people over their personal stories is pointless. As group there has never been a time where being different with your sexuality has been better. So to be able to scream “I am gay and you should accept me” all the time seems ridiculous to me, and pointless. Most people don’t care.

So the advice part of this talk.... stop being offended. People will feed off of this and continue to harass and belittle you but i assure you only a handful of people take it that far. (Unless cultural or racial differences are in effect)

Never be ashamed of your sexuality. It is a part of you but it doesn’t define who you are. You don’t have to scream it from the mountains. I would say that to anyone not just people in the community. We live in a time where we flaunt every part of ourselves on social media and every place we go. We don’t have too. Stop and think some times before you open the mouth. Again that is for every person you have no idea how something will come back years later and bite you on your ass.

People who try to tell you something are NOT your enemy. If they are trying to explain something it isn’t because they are trying to put you down or belittle you. 95% of the time they are trying to share some wisdom learned the hard way so YOU don’t ever have to go through the same thing.

I have lost younger friends because though I am probably one of the most open minded people on the planet they took my words as hateful because I didn’t bow down and take them constantly bombarding someone else because of a mishap with words. Shit doesn’t work out that way in real life and if you can’t see from another prospective that is YOUR problem not everyone else in the world.

Last but not least. If you want a world that is happy and free of hatred look at yourself hard. Go to the top of this post and reread it, see the questions I wrote? How would you a old white cis woman know? You stereotyped, I have heard this so many times. How dumb are conservatives? Liberals are idiots! How dumb are cis white males? White people are the devil! All muslims are terrorist! All jews are money hungry devils! Black people are animals!*** just throwing these out there not what I believe*** Every one of those is a stereotype type, a label, a word that without knowing the person is misleading and often wrong and hurtful. You want a world that is inclusive but yet you throw these words round as well. It’s time to think about things for all sides.

[team-free-squiggle]

And... this is the post!!! My Sides!!! I was inspired by @thatsthat24‘s Sanders Sides series to look a little deeper into myself, and finally put some names to my traits.

Literally. 

So, left to right, top to bottom, in order:

Pride

Their name is Rogue (like Rogue One), and yes they chose it themselves. They are very proud of that.  Dark red crop top, ripped black skinny jeans, and a short black leather jacket that they usually wear, buuut it’s super hot out. Literally loves to be punk, loves the aesthetic, and always looks good because they have to be proud of themselves.

Lies, Slander, and More Lies

This is my Deceitful Side, also known as Diana (Die-Anna). They kinda love to borrow aesthetics from the Dragon Witch, and has very extremely oh so evil powers. Totally embraces the Slytherin that I am. Is a little too strong sometimes, I’m working on being more honest with myself, okay? Also absolutely has slits in that dress and can run and fight in it ‘cause I am not the type to stand on the sidelines. 

Femininity

Since I am a demifluid enby, I do have Sides for my different genders, which is admittedly strange but also weirdly kinda cool (to me). One is my femininity, or Malee (May-lee). Nicknamed May. She is a total girly-girl, but doesn’t hate on anyone who isn’t. Basically a femme lesbian. Super sweet, wears makeup all the time, really works with Pride a lot to try and get me to look good. But she’s not all about looks - super feminist. Also the Mom Friend of the group. Super strong, powerful. To be honest her icon is Lucy from Narnia, so you can tell she is not a weak-willed woman. 

Creativity

They are an artist of all types. Their name is Cassie. Started with ballet, went to music, and never stopped trying to draw and write. Still a musician and a writer, getting more and more into crochet recently. They are the source of all inspiration and ideas, and no matter how bad things end up they are always there to persevere. Really wants to fly. Loves the Imagination, ‘cause that’s where they can do anything they want.

Depression

This little shit. She is like. The darkest Side. Annoyingly, she - Dani - is also a part of me. She holds onto all my insecurities, always makes them bigger than they’re out to be. She’s the one that blows things out of proportion and makes my Anxiety kick in. She’s the one that hurts me the most. Also the source of any and all dysphoria, usually shown to me through Pride and/or Anxiety. Like I said. A little shit.

Anxiety

Not too bad, kinda chill. Their name is Judi. Does what depression tells them because Depression is stronger, but overall, kinda relaxed. Unless they send me into a Panic attack because they are so worried about something (usually because it’s because I get stressed out over what I have to do and then they kick in). They are good at keeping me awake. Which is a good thing with everything I have to do.

Masculinity

His name is Mace, and he honestly hasn’t been around much up until the past year. Kinda quiet, shy. But strong. Still there. Really just super chill, wants to sit around enjoying sports and/or geeky things. He comes out when I’m at the gym. He also really comes out when I’m in band, because it is a physical activity. Does like classic rock and some country as well as punk and some other alternative.

Nonbinary

Is honestly a mood. I don’t know how. But they are. This is Charlie, my enby Side. They are just there, kinda in the back, until someone tries to offend someone else, specifically in the LGBTQ+ community. Then they bring the fire and wrath down that the homophobes and transphobes and any other such bigots deserve. They do not stand for someone hurting because of stuff like that. If someone is being racist or homophobic, you better believe that they can and will Fite that person behind a Denny’s at 3 am. 

Me!!!! 

Hi! It’s me, Angel! zYour resident pansexual demifluid enby. Huge nerd, creative mess, and just someone who does love life a lot. Yeah, I got my issues, but then who the hell doesn’t? Also, I love cats. 

Logic

Rarely works tbh. Their name is Laura, and they are usually too busy staring at pretty people to work. They end up blanking out a lot because of this. But they do work sometimes. Like, during school, they’re okay, but if one of the other Sides gets distracted, which happens all the time, Logic just flies out the window. Literally. The above picture is Morality joining them on flying out said window so they can go have a nice day together. I’m also pretty sure my Logic is gay for my Morality. 

Morality

Will love you no matter what. Even if you’re a bitch to them, which you shouldn’t be because they are the sweetest thing. Literally just wants to cuddle everyone and everything. Also the Parent Friend, along with my femininity. My Morality’s name is River, because they’re flowy and pretty and yet can destroy everything when they are in the mood. I’ve really been trying to listen to them more, because they do have a super optimistic and pretty cool outlook on life. I am pretty sure they are gay for my Logic.

Now that you’ve met the sides, this is kinda how they match up against each other.

Pride vs. Depression - Depression tries to knock down my self image. Pride tries to keep it up. Pride often can end up being a tool to Depression, though I am working on trying to see through that. Gah, depression is difficult. But I can fight it.

Lies vs. Morality - Honestly, since Morality loves everyone, they get along rather well. It could certainly be worse. Lies aren’t always the villain in my case, after all. 

Femininity vs. Masculinity - Honestly, they work together, but since femininity was always at the forefront, it’s been hard on masculinity. I really need to work on accepting all of myself, but you know what? I’m on a rollercoaster that only goes up, my friend. *sorry not sorry I quoted the Fault in Our Stars*

Creativity vs. Logic - Kind of an obvious rivalry here. Fantasy against Reality, and all that. But they work together to create the best kinds of ideas, and they both really help out when I’m trying to make music (due to both the technical and emotive portions of it).

Nonbinary vs. Anxiety - It’s basically the Anxiety of coming out. Like, being nonbinary is still new to me, and it’s really confusing a lot of times. Actually, it’s confusing pretty much all the time. But the Anxiety is really only over being outed, or over whether or not I’m faking it. You know, the usual gender stuff.

But yes, these are my Sides! I hope you at least found this interesting, or something... cause I honestly have no idea anymore.

Let me know what you think (if you want), and I will see you guys later!!!

~~

Tag List

(Sanders Sides)

@astraastro

@madly-handsome

@amber1594

@lie-lie-birdy

@thebaagelboy

@justanotherpurplebutterfly

@ravenclawunicorn1

@ako1209

@princessbelix

@water13girl

@romanasanders

@deathshadowrules

@virgils-jacket

@fandomsofrandom 

@cochroachkappa-blog 

@zoeyheys 

@chipminkle 

@6tick6tock6 

@maizieandbirds 

@panic-at-theeverywhere 

@not-my-patton 

@cookieturtleart123 

@confinesofpersonalknowledge 

@generalfandomfabulousness 

@thegirlofwolvesandfangs 

@toujours-fidele 

@light-it-on-fire 

@ghostmaster83 

(All)

@birdybabybird 

@awesomelissawho 

@funsizedgremlin 

@surviving-an-ocean-of-fandoms 

@teacupfulofstarshine 

@am-i-heaven-or-am-i-hell 

#my sides #not sanders sides #angel arts #original content

[elfboyeros]

Thanks I Hate it Here

Go read this article if you want: Parents angry over survey that asks middle school students about their sexual orientation

So if you don't wanna ready it is basically a news report about: "A survey sent to a few Sumner County Middle School students has parents demanding answers"

The woman how first had her shit rocked was Amanda Hammersley, a possibly bigoted Tennesseain that can't handle her child learning about the gays.

"Hammersley took a picture of the controversial question sent to select students Monday -- what is your sexual orientation? Answer choices included heterosexual, homosexual, bi-sexual, gay/lesbian/pansexual/ other or prefer not to answer."

I was a question on a survery the school sent out: "Hammersley says the question is inappropriate for students like her 12-year-old daughter. "She comes to me and she’s like -- Momma, which one am I? And I immediately called the school," she said."

Hammersley then say this to News Channel 5: "For one, it’s none of the school’s business what my child is. This is -- that’s not in any way an educational purpose. Secondly, my child is 12. She’s not exposed to this."

"A district spokesperson for Sumner County Schools says the survey was sent to students taking related arts classes at Portland East Middle by a teacher who found the survey on Facebook, as a good resource for parents."

Hammersley also said this: "I don’t feel comfortable with my child being asked these questions," and she wants a clearer answer about what happens next. "What I would like to see this happen is to assure this won’t happen again and to hold someone accountable for this," she said.

My Opinion:

I am not a parnet, but I am a queer person and I see nothing wrong with the question in the survey!

There is not way to cut this story for it to not sound homophobic!

To say you are going to teach your children about the "issue," and that school shouldn't teach LGBTQIA+ topic is just for homophobic parents push the false claim that being anything but straight and cisgender is a sin that mean hell.

If Hammersley really wanted to intorduce the topics to are child, this was the perfect tiem to do so. The school basically gave her the prompt. Hammersley even fucking states that her daughter ASKED which one she was! That could have been the prefect time to explain what they meant!

But Hammersley doesn't want to do that!

YOU DON'T REACT LIKE THIS IF IT ISN'T A PROBLEM!

The point is this:

Educated children about LGBTQIA+ topic is needed! If we can force todders to wear shirt that say "stud muffin" or ask little 5-year-old Timmy if the girl he played on the playground with is his girlfriend, we can explain what Homosexuality, Pansexuality, Asexuality , etc. mean! A 12-year-old is not TOO YOUNG to know the defintion of Homosexuality. And with Hammersley child it seems she doesn't even know what Hetersexuailty is which is really fucking odd and shows what ingorant and bigoted her mother is!

#lgbtqia #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia+ #lgbtqia issues #tennessee #rant #education

[travellerfromanantiqueland]

Mars: Courage and speaking truth to power, self control

@magickfromscratch

They forcefed us a million platitudes, Bible verses, parables and folk sayings attempting to keep us docile and obedient. The Bible verses encouraging us to fight the good fight and have courage in our hearts weren’t for me and the other “girls”; we were drilled on the Bible verses about being meek enough to inherit the Earth, as harmless as doves, wise enough in God to stay home and do as the God-appointed Man in Charge in our lives instructed us. We were taught to always be afraid, always be silent, and practice self-control not out of concern for the well-being of those we could hurt by lashing out, but out of self preservation, for as soon as we weak little girls fight back, we were assured we would be crushed mercilessly by men, by the world, or by God himself. The lies they told: “You only think you’re brave; someday someone will break your spirit and you’ll learn that you aren’t brave, and never will be. God puts authority figures in your life for a reason, and if you defy them, you defy God himself. Be meek and humble in every situation, always obey authority, even when it hurts you and others.”

The church in question was across the street from the middle school I attended; across the street on the other side of the school was the church where I was baptized at age 12. The homophobic pastor around whom I had noticed red flags (and was ignored when I tried to point them out to my mother) started a sermon with fear- and hate-mongering about Hell and the Apocalypse, gays and other degenerates, the “false prophets” of science and tolerance for other cultures. Me and my little sister, we hated and feared queers who believed in evolution, made eye contact and resisted the urge to laugh as our mother scolded us. The pastor became angry, stated that he wanted to cause some sort of spiritual moment he had been told about in pastor school, that he wanted everyone in the church to kneel at the open altar. He told his congregation “If you don’t come and kneel, you’re saying you don’t want no more of god”. I struggled not to visibly snarl at him, and when my younger brother shifted nervously as though to go kneel, I leaned over and shook my head at him. We were the only family in the church who didn’t break, and that was the only time I ever got my mother to agree that a church was dangerous enough that we could absolutely never return. (We later learned that this particular church had a history of covering up sexual assault on the Church bus; it had happened to the daughter of the family who originally recommended the Church to us. They never pressed charges; her pain, like the pain of every other girl I knew who was raped or sexually assaulted growing up, was kept an open secret for the sake of her church, family, and attacker’s reputations.) 

The pagan community will occasionally pretend to be less dogmatic and authoritarian than Christianity, but they are full of shit 9 times out of 10. Wiccan/New Age/eclectic types are far less likely to do this, but I have yet to see any self-proclaimed “serious, reconstructionist, historically accurate Polytheist” pagan group (official or otherwise) that does not pull at least some of the same bullshit. Krasskova is one of the loudest voices representing modern day polytheists, and I’m hoping her reputation precedes her enough that I won’t have to go find the particular quotes by her that sound like they would’ve been right at home in that pastor’s mouth. The kemetic community in particular, to which I primarily belong, has had a years-long issue with valuing “keeping the peace” over the kind of “chaos” that would be caused by both unofficial community leaders, and the actual modern day leader of the Kemetic Orthodoxy, actually enforcing a zero-tolerance standard for racism, transphobia, misogyny, and other bigoted and/or predatory behavior. I wrote a pretty long and pretty heated post about this recently that explains my views on the matter. Having the courage to rock the boat and stand up to authority figures, or even just the popular group narratives, is actively discouraged in online kemetic spaces, as well as most other pagan spaces (online and irl) I’ve encountered.

As an act of “Christ approved” teenage rebellion against a culture that was suffocating me, I became an adrenaline junkie as a prepubescent child, and then almost immediately at the onset of puberty, a juvenile delinquent, for most of my teen years. I narrowly escaped being sent to juvie and having a lifelong record (if not actually being maimed or killed) on numerous occasions. I developed self-harming behaviors and passive suicidality through engaging in risky behaviors. To this day I struggle with my temper, have really poor impulse control, and am still trying to unlearn toxic and abusive behaviors I adopted when I was being abused and neglected at home as well as rejected by my larger community (religious and otherwise). I have deep-seated issues with authority of all kinds (in a more enlightened and affluent environment, I likely would have been diagnosed and treated for ODD; as things are, I’ve gotten very little in the way of therapy, most shrinks seeming to prefer to just put me on more and more medications for “anxiety, agitation, insomnia and unstable moods”).

I assume I don’t have to go into the various specific ways this has caused me difficulty when doing anything at all in the astral, much less trying to work with or worship gods. The trauma and baggage I already had regarding all this was difficult enough for me and my patrons to work through; to have so much of the same toxicity thrown at me from the pagan community that advertised itself as a healing salve to Christian religious trauma? I’m pretty fucking annoyed about it, to say the least.

Worried look on the face of the ringside nurse At one, for once, with the universe Choked out Choked out, choked out, choked out I stretch and strain with all my might Drift off into the velvety arms of the night Kick and claw and scratch and bite Fire up the grill, everybody eats tonight Choked out No brakes down An endless dark incline Most of the boys Won't ever cross this line If they all want to die dead broke that's fine, that's fine Everybody's got their limits Nobody's found mine

#mars #dionysian mysteries june 2020