#I am not used to staying up this late anymore and had an early dinner now I am hungry fml

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

maybe where Chad and reader are dating but she’s been hooking up with ethan and one day Chad comes home early and sees reader and Ethan hooking up and he starts yelling at reader and him and Ethan eventually end up fighting (verbally, physically or both) and Chad packs his shit and leaves but it just ends with some angst between Ethan and reader at the end with reader wanting to end all communication with Ethan but he refuses and maybe he confesses his love

Hi, this is so messy, I hope you like it lmao

Paper Hearts - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader

This contains SMUT - Minors DNI

Summary: When you and Chad break up, you hook up with Ethan. You think the relationship is done, until Chad tries to convince you that you should give him another chance,

Contains: Angst - violence, yelling. Smut - Oral(f!recieving), p in v. Cheating reader. (Please let me know if I missed anything:)

A/N: This is possibly the messiest thing I've ever written. Eeeek.

Your relationship with Chad wasn’t the best. He used to be so affectionate and so sweet, until he asked you to move in with him and Ethan. That’s when all the fighting started, and it seemed like Chad was never home, always leaving you alone with Ethan.

You’d try to express your feelings to Chad, and wanted a better understanding of his because it got to the point where it didn’t even feel like he was your boyfriend anymore. You two would sleep in the same bed, but he always stayed on his side, never cuddling up to you like he did before. Once your very active sex life turned into it happening once every few weeks, and always ended in you faking your orgasms just to get it over with, you knew the relationship was over. It was just a waiting game for one of you to break up with the other, but you enjoyed all the time you got to spend with Ethan, so you knew you weren’t going to be the one to end things.

Then one night, it finally happened. Chad had just gotten home from his late class when you were in the kitchen making dinner with Ethan. He noticed your sweet laugh the second he walked through the door, the one that he hadn’t heard in months. He sighed loud enough to make his presence known, as you and Ethan turned to face him.

“Hey babe, can we talk?” You tensed up at Chad’s words, Ethan did too. You knew where the conversation was going to go, the defeated look on his face making it obvious.

“Yeah,” you sighed, before turning to Ethan. His sad eyes met yours as you pointed to the food on the stove. “This will be done in a few minutes. Don’t burn it.”

He laughed softly, nodding his head as he watched you walk away with Chad.

After a few minutes of silence in the apartment, Ethan heard Chad raise his voice at you. He jumped a little when he heard it, because he’s never heard him talk to you like that before. He was fuming as he took the food off the stove, remembering that you asked him not to burn it.

“You don’t even treat me like I’m your boyfriend anymore! You have no problem being close to Ethan though. What the fuck is up with that?” Chad’s loud voice was echoing off the walls in his room, as you started to get mad.

“Are you accusing me of something?” you questioned, cocking your eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, I am. I think you have a thing for my roommate,” he said, “Don’t even try to deny it.”

“Oh, so he actually speaks to me and spends time with me, something that YOU neglect to do, so I must be cheating, huh?” you snapped, “There’s nothing going on!”

“I know there’s nothing going on. Ethan would never do that to me, but you…I’m not so sure anymore. You’re always flirting, you have your stupid little inside jokes. You light up whenever you see him. What’s the point for us to keep doing this when your heart is somewhere else?” he asked, his face softening a little as he looked at you. “Maybe we should look into you moving out.”

“You’ve been unhappy in this relationship ever since I moved in. Maybe it is for the best,” you sighed, wiping a stray tear off your cheek. “My heart hasn’t been somewhere else, but if you really feel that way, we really do just need to break up.”

“Fine,” he said, “I’m going to the gym to blow off some steam. We’ll talk about you moving out when I get back.”

You sat on his bed for a few more minutes, giving him plenty of time to leave before you walked back out to the kitchen. Ethan noticed your somber expression when you walked up to him, so he pulled you into a hug to comfort you.

“Did you two break up?” he asked, as you nodded into his chest. “I’m going to miss making dinner with you every night.”

You laughed a little as you pulled away, “You know he accused me of wanting to be with you?”

Ethan’s cheeks started to turn red as he tried to laugh it off, “Wait, what?”

“Yeah, he said you’d never do that to him, but he thinks I would,” you rolled your eyes as you thought back to the conversation.

“I didn’t like the way he was yelling at you,” Ethan said, grabbing two plates out of the cabinet. “You deserve someone that’s going to treat you better than that.”

“I know I do. I wish Chad would’ve pulled his head out of his ass and realized that, but it’s too late now,” you sighed, adding some food to your plate.

“I think you’re amazing, and anyone would be lucky to have you,” he said, grabbing some food as well. “Do you think you’d ever give him another chance?”

You laughed at the question, as you sat down at the table. “I don’t think so. He isn’t affectionate with me, he doesn’t like to spend time with me, and I’m sick of faking orgasms.”

Ethan started to choke on his food at your confession, as your cheeks heated up from the TMI you just spilled.

“Sorry, it just slipped out,” you said, jumping up to grab him something to drink.

“No, it’s okay,” he said, his voice hoarse from the coughing as he took a sip of the water you’d handed him. “I can’t believe he doesn’t make you cum.”

There was this sexual tension building in the air as you stared at each other. You quickly looked down to your plate, moving your food around with your fork.

“Some guys don’t care about making sure the girl enjoys it, I guess.”

“Some guys do, though. Some guys get enjoyment out of making a girl cum over and over again,” he said, his eyes still not leaving you.

Sweet, shy, innocent Ethan was staring you down like you were his prey in that moment. You felt the throbbing sensation between your legs get stronger by the second, before he finally took his eyes off you. You thought he was attractive, but you’d never admit that because you were respectful of your relationship with Chad. Now that things were over, you were starting to realize how much you really did want Ethan, and Chad wasn’t so wrong after all.

“Maybe one day I’ll find a guy that’ll want to do that for me,” you nervously laughed, as he turned to look at you again.

“You have one right in front of you.” He smirked as he watched you get flustered, squirming in your seat. “Only if you want me to, though.”

The corner of your bottom lip went in between your teeth as you thought about it. Technically, you were single, so you could do whatever you wanted. But Chad and Ethan were so close, and if he found out, their friendship would be over. You also feared what Chad would do to Ethan, knowing that he can be a little hot-headed sometimes.

“What if Chad finds out?” you asked, as Ethan started to smile. He stood up from the table and walked over to you.

“He won’t.”

He took your hand and led you to his room, not wanting to waste any of the time you’d have together. Chad was going to be gone for at least another hour, and Ethan knew that was plenty of time to make you feel good.

He sat on his bed beside you, before leaning in to kiss you. You were so desperate for the affection you’d been craving for so long that it quickly escalated. He pushed you back onto the bed as he crawled on top of you, his tongue brushing against your bottom lip to deepen the kiss. You let him, gasping into his mouth as his tongue skillfully worked against yours.

After a few minutes, he pulled away to look at you.

“We don’t have a lot of time, let’s make the most of it.” He pulled his shirt over his head as you sat up to pull yours off. You reached around to unhook your bra, as Ethan took in all the newly exposed skin. “Fuck,” he said lowly, leaning down to take one of your nipples into his mouth. He pushed you back again, his hand going to massage the breast he wasn’t already giving attention to, before alternating to the other side.

He was sucking hard on your nipple as he pulled away, the soft popping sound making you squirm even more underneath him.

“I’m going to make you feel so good, baby,” he said, his lips starting to trail down your stomach. Your breathing got heavier the closer he got to where you needed him. “You’re sure this is okay?” he asked, stopping at the top of the jeans you were wearing.

“Mhm,” you said, smiling as he undid the button and slid them down your thighs.

Once they were off, he started to trail kisses up your leg, starting at your ankle. When he made it to your thigh, his teeth started to graze against your skin. You were a whimpering mess as he teased you.

“I thought we didn’t have a lot of time,” you said, as he started to laugh a little.

“You’re right,” he said, sliding your panties down your thighs and tossing them on the floor. “Relax, baby. I want you to enjoy this.”

The second his tongue glided across your clit, your hands went to his hair. You looked down to see him looking at you, taking in all the little things your face did as his tongue kept moving.

“Mmm, that feels so fucking good,” you whimpered, as he sucked your clit into his mouth.

He hummed around it, the sensation making your legs start to involuntarily shake. One of his fingers went to your entrance, sliding it in as his eyes stayed on yours.

“More,” you begged, as he slid in a second finger. He started to brush them against that special spot inside you, the feeling making you whine. “Fuck, just like that.”

He watched your bottom lip go in between your teeth as you attempted to suppress your sounds, but he wanted to hear you. His fingers started to press harder, the moans starting to fly out of your mouth straight to his aching cock. He slid his fingers out as you whined at the loss of contact, before he moved his mouth down, his tongue dipping inside your dripping core.

“You taste so fucking good,” he mumbled against you, as your hips started to move against his mouth.

As his tongue kept moving, he put two of his fingers against your clit, rubbing quick circles as your whines started to get louder.

“Fuck, you’re going to make me cum,” you whimpered, feeling that knot in your stomach getting tighter and tighter.

He pulled his mouth away and replaced it with his fingers, moving them fast against that spot inside of you as you fell apart in front of him.

“That’s it, baby. Cum on my fingers,” he groaned, feeling your walls tighten.

Once your body stopped shaking, he slid his fingers out and brought them to his mouth, sucking your release off them. You whimpered at the sight, as he smirked at you.

You were glowing from the orgasm, the first one you didn’t have to give yourself for the last several months. He started to lean down, wanting to make you cum again when you stopped him.

“Wait, Ethan…I need you to fuck me,” you said, as his dark eyes connected with yours. “Chad will be home soon.”

“Okay, baby,” he said, standing up to take his jeans off. Your gawked at his size the second his cock sprang free from the confines of his boxers. “Think you can take it?”

You nodded, before he walked to his nightstand and grabbed a condom out of the top drawer. He rolled it on before crawling back between your legs, leaning down to kiss you as he gently inched himself in.

You moaned against his mouth, the full feeling making your head spin.

“You’re so tight,” he mumbled against your lips. “This pussy is perfect. I can’t believe Chad didn’t take care of it.”

“That’s what I have you for, right?” you joked as he started to move inside you.

“I promise you you’ll never have to fake it again as long as you’re fucking me,” he said, gasping at how well you were taking him. “Wrap your legs around me, baby.”

You did as he said, the new angle making it easy for him to hit the spongy spot inside you. He stayed close to you, his chest almost pressing against yours as he kissed you.

“You gonna let me fuck you again after today?” he asked, his hips moving faster.

“Yes,” you whimpered, as one of your hands went down to rub circles on your clit. “It feels so fucking good.”

He started to pound into you, the sounds of his skin slapping against yours filling the room as he brought you closer to the edge.

“I think someone’s getting close,” he teased, noticing your whimpers getting higher. Your hips started to meet his as you chased your orgasm. “That’s it, baby. Use my cock to get off.”

His words sent you over the edge, your legs jolting around his waist as you cried out. His pace started to slow as he lazily fucked you through it, his own orgasm creeping up.

“I’m gonna cum,” he groaned, his breathing shaky as he leaned down to kiss you again. He released into the condom, taking a sharp breath as he stilled inside you. “Fuck, that was amazing.”

You nodded as he slid out, a goofy smile on your lips.

“I hate to rush you, but we need to get dressed,” he sighed, as he scooted off the side of the bed and took the condom off. He grabbed your hand and helped pull you off the bed, before grabbing your jeans and panties. He handed them to you as you stood naked in front of him. He was getting hard again as he thought about how good you felt, when his mind started to wander. “Can we really do this again?”

“What, you think you’re going to fuck me like that and I’m not going to come back for more?” you smiled, putting your panties back on. “We already know Chad’s schedule. We can sneak around without him finding out. I’ll just come over when he won’t be here.”

“I almost wish you didn’t have to move out. I’d love to do this with you every day.”

When Chad came home from the gym and saw you and Ethan sitting at the table finishing your food, you noticed the sad look on his face. He’d been doing a lot of thinking while he was working out, and he knew he wasn’t ready to just let you go. He sat down beside you as Ethan sat across from you. You kept exchanging glances with Ethan as Chad wrapped his arm around you.

“I’m sorry about earlier. Can we talk about it?” Chad asked, as Ethan started to get up from the table.

“I’ll let you two talk,” Ethan said, walking around the corner to the hallway that led to his room.

“What is there to talk about?” you asked, as Chad sighed.

“I just think we need to try to see if this can work. I’ll spend more time with you, I’ll treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I love you, and I don’t want this to end because I’m just being an idiot,” he said, as you noticed Ethan’s head poke around the corner. Chad was busy staring a whole into the table and didn’t notice his best friend, the curly haired boy mouthing a ‘Say yes’. You gave him a confused look as he smirked at you.

“I don’t know if I can, Chad,” you sighed, hearing the door of Ethan’s room shut faintly down the hall.

“Please, baby. I’m sorry about all the shit I said about you and Ethan. I know you wouldn’t do that,” he sighed, “I really want to make this right, and I don’t want you to move out.”

The wheels in your head started to turn as you thought about it. You’d still be able to spend time with Ethan whenever you wanted, which you wouldn’t be able to do if you moved out. You were feeling a little guilty as you weighed your options, but the way you were already craving Ethan again made your decision easy.

“We can try,” you said softly, a huge grin forming on Chad’s face.

“Really?” he asked, leaning in to kiss you.

“Yes,” you mumbled against his lips.

Chad was really trying to get back to a good spot with you. He started to spend a little more time at home, which Ethan wasn’t very happy about. You still found time to do the things you wanted to do with him, though, from quickies when Chad was asleep, to dropping to your knees and sucking Ethan’s cock when Chad was in class.

Your boyfriend was trying so hard, which made you really start to feel guilty for the things you’d been doing with Ethan. You started to leave whenever Chad did, not wanting the sexual temptation as you tried to sort your feelings out. You loved Chad, but the attraction you had to Ethan and the way he made you feel, and not just in the bedroom, was constantly running through your mind.

As you once again stood in the kitchen with Ethan, attempting to make dinner, you felt his hands wrap around your waist. His lips started to trail along your neck, the feeling making you lean into him.

“Chad won’t be home for a while,” you said, as he smirked against your neck.

“I was starting to think you didn’t want me to fuck you anymore,” he whispered, as he started to rub your pussy over your shorts. “Why have you been holding out on me?”

“Because it’ll kill Chad if he ever finds out,” you said, your breathing getting heavier as he touched you. “Don’t you feel bad? Even a little?”

“The only think I feel bad about is that you actually want to be with him, and that you still love him.”

He moved to press his hard cock against your ass as he trailed his hands under the material of your shorts, rubbing your clit over your panties.

Ethan was a little upset about how everything had been playing out. He hoped that when you agreed to give Chad another chance, he’d just keep fucking up and you’d still have all the alone time you wanted with each other. After he noticed Chad actually trying with you, and watching you get that little spark back in your relationship, he started to get really jealous. He’d always had feelings for you, even before you started dating Chad. He felt like he was stepping up to make you happy in a lot of the areas Chad was lacking in before the two of you ever hooked up, hoping that you’d someday realize he was the one you were meant to be with.

Once his fingers dipped inside your panties and ran over your soaked pussy, you reached across the stove to turn everything off.

“Let’s go to your room,” you said, whimpering as he rubbed circles over your clit.

“What if I want to fuck you right here?” he questioned, his fingers moving faster against you. A low moan slipped past your lips. “I’ll bend you over the table and fuck that perfect pussy.”

“Fuck, okay. We need to be quick, though,” you said, as he pulled his hand out of your shorts.

You slid your panties and shorts down your thighs as he ran to his room to grab a condom. He was unbuckling his belt as he walked back into the kitchen.

“Here, bend over just like this,” he said, angling your body the way he wanted it. You waited in anticipation as he slid his jeans and boxers halfway down his thighs and rolled the condom on.

He soon eased himself inside of you, his cock stretching your walls as you moaned at the feeling. He started to thrust, not knowing how much time he had until Chad would be walking through the door.

“Please, baby. I need you to go faster,” you whined, your chest pressed against the table as he began to pound into you. His hands were roaming your hips and ass as you just kept moaning, your sounds and the sharpness of the skin slapping bouncing off the walls.

You didn’t hear the front door being unlocked or opening over the noises you were making. As soon as Chad heard it, as soon as he heard you, he felt this deep rage building inside his chest as he turned the corner to walk in the kitchen.

“What the fuck is this?!” he yelled, as Ethan pulled out, a shocked expression on his face as he pulled his jeans back up. “You’ve been fucking my girlfriend?!”

“Chad, stop!” you yelled as he grabbed Ethan by the shirt and shoved him against the wall.

“You shut the fuck up!” he yelled back at you, and he stared Ethan down.

“Don’t talk to her like that!” Ethan yelled back at him, as you scrambled to put your panties back on.

“What, you’re too much of a little bitch to get your own girlfriend that you had to go after mine?” he asked, raising his fist as Ethan flinched.

You grabbed Chad’s arm before he was able to swing, which resulted to you accidentally getting pushed into the wall.

“Don’t fucking touch her!” Ethan yelled, before swinging on Chad.

Both boys were soon on the floor, throwing punches as you were begging for them to stop. You were a little surprised as you watched Ethan get in a few good hits, most of them catching Chad off guard. You thought at this point you’d be calling an ambulance for Ethan, but he felt like he had something to prove.

“Please stop! You two are best friends!” you cried, as Ethan pulled away from the fight, noticing the tears on your cheeks.

“Friends don’t fuck other friends’ girlfriends,” Chad said, wiping a little blood from his lip as he started to stand back up. “How the fuck could you do this to me?”

You wiped a few tears from your face before you started to speak, “It just happened, okay? That day you wanted to break up, Ethan was there for me. That’s when all this started.”

“You’ve been fucking him ever since?” he asked, as you nodded. Your eyes were wide as he looked over to Ethan. You were scared of what he was going to do to him as he started to step closer.

“I love you, Chad. Please don’t hurt him.”

Ethan’s heart shattered at your words, as Chad turned back around to face you.

“You know what, he isn’t worth it. You aren’t either,” he said, walking out of his room and down the hallway.

“Chad, wait,” you said following after him.

Ethan was behind you, but he stopped in the bathroom to look at his face. One of his eyes was already starting to bruise, and he had a cut on his cheek, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as he thought it would be. He stood and listened to the argument happening between you and Chad on the opposite side of the door.

“Please, just calm down,” you said, as Chad started to throw some clothes in a duffel bag.

“No. You two can have each other. I’m done,” he huffed, slamming the closet door.

You didn’t say anything else as he walked out, slamming the front door as he left. It shook the entire apartment as you dropped to your knees and started to sob.

“Hey,” Ethan said, walking into Chad’s room. He sat beside you on the floor and tried to pull you closer, but you moved away from him.

“This was all a huge mistake,” you cried, standing up. You started to grab some clothes, too. You weren’t sure what your plan was, but you knew you needed to get away from the situation.

“Is that all I am to you? A mistake?” Ethan questioned, as you finally looked at him. You noticed his eye and his cheek and started to feel even worse.

“I shouldn’t have been cheating on Chad. We shouldn’t have been hooking up,” you said, as he shook his head. “We can’t do this anymore.”

“Do you not realize that I’m the one that’s been there for you? I’m the one that’s actually been making you happy,” he snapped, as you started to get mad.

“Relationships aren’t supposed to be just sexual, Ethan! That’s all this has been!”

“Is it? What about before we started hooking up? All those late nights I stayed up studying with you while Chad was in bed. I’d help you with making dinner with you almost every night while he’d rather play games. Fuck, I even let you paint my nails and do face masks more than once, because I knew it made you happy,” he yelled, “And let’s not forget that I’m the one you’ve cried to on so many different occasions when he’d hurt your feelings, and make you feel like you weren’t good enough.”

You were bawling as you listened to him. You knew he was right, but you still felt so awful for hurting Chad.

“I’m in love with you, okay?” he sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I always have been. Please don’t write this off as nothing when I know you feel something between us, too.”

His confession made your heart swell as he started to get emotional, a few tears slipping out as he looked at you, waiting for you to say something.

“I do have feelings for you,” you sighed, as his face started to light up, “You need to give me a little time to get my head right before I even begin to have something serious with you. Things are already so messy, I don’t want wither of us to get hurt because we jump into something when I’m not ready emotionally.”

He nodded, completely understanding where you were coming from.

“I’ll wait as long as you need me to,” he said, as you walked over to hug him.

“Thank you,” you pulled away to kiss him, taking another look at his face. “Let’s get you some ice.”

#ethan landry #ethan landry x reader #scream smut #ethan landry smut

[pensat-i-fet]

Cry wolf (Rúben Dias x Reader)

**Hello! Finally, a new Rúben imagine. This is a combination of two requests I got. It's a bit angsty and dramatic. What a comeback! I hope you enjoy it ❤️**

Word count: 1944

Masterlist

Wattpad

"Ahhh!", you yelled the moment you got inside the bathroom and saw what was on the floor. "Oh my God! What am I supposed to do?"

Saying you panicked whenever you saw any sort of insect or bug would be an understatement. You could barely stay out in the park for half an hour, worried about all the creatures that could be around you. So seeing a cockroach first thing in the morning wasn't ideal. And your boyfriend was gone. So what were you going to do?

"Ok. It's fine. I'm a grown woman and can do this".

You kept convincing yourself that you could kill it and so you put your shoes on, walked inside the bathroom again and spotted the disgusting thing that was still there. Placing your fingers inside your ears, you stepped on it, took your shoe off without lifting it from the floor and left the bathroom. There was one in the guest room you could use.

After a shower, you put some clothes on and called Rúben. He was at the gym but it was still early, so you knew his official training session hadn't started.

"Hi, everything ok?"

It was very unlike you to call him this early. You usually just send a text before going to work. "It is now. But there is a corpse in the bathroom".

"A what?", he laughed.

"There was a cockroach and I killed it".

"Are you planning on doing a funeral? Throw it in the bin".

"I can't. It's disgusting. Can you do it when you're back?"

"Are you for real?", you could hear his tone change.

"Yeah".

"You aren't a child anymore. You can clean that mess yourself".

"But it's disgusting!", you complained.

"And you think it's nice for me to do it? Honestly, grow up".

Well, growing up takes time, so what you did was hang up the phone. Why was he such an asshole?

He had been acting like that a lot lately. And sure, some of your requests were a bit childish but he was one to talk. You had to tiptoe around his feelings for a whole day after he scored an own goal. He could be childish himself.

But you guessed he was kind of right about this specific situation, so you went back to the bathroom but…you couldn't do it. You knew you were going to have nightmares about it for days. So you left the shoe and the dead bug there and went to work. You would deal with Rúben later.

**

By the time you were done with work, you expected a text from Rúben. He always sent one when he got home to let you know about any plans or just ask about what you wanted for dinner. But there was no text. It was odd but you decided not to worry. He might have stayed for an extra training session. It wouldn't be the first time.

"Hello?", you called when you got back to the apartment. "Rúben?"

You spotted him in the living room, glaring at you.

"Good day?"

"I guess. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because I came back home and found you didn't clean the mess in the bathroom".

"Rúben", you said, back to that whining tone you hated but couldn't help but use sometimes. "I tried but it was so disgusting. I swear I couldn't do it".

"So I had to do it".

"Thank you…", you tried to say but he interrupted you.

"You keep doing this. Calling me while I'm working for stupid things you should be able to do".

"They aren't always stupid…".

"They are. And you know what happened to the boy who kept crying wolf?", you rolled your eyes. "One day you'll really need me and I won't believe it's an emergency".

You could feel the tears in your eyes. Even if he was partly right, there was no need to be so mean.

"If this is how you're going to be today, I'll go out to get some fresh air and be away from you. You're being really unfair".

"No need for you to go. Some of my teammates invited me to have dinner with them and I said yes".

"But it's Wednesday".

"I need the fresh air as well", he said, going back to the room.

Wednesdays were your day. You met on a Wednesday, kissed for the first time on a Wednesday, moved in together on a Wednesday,... Rúben's schedule meant he was away a lot, so you cherished whenever he had a day off on Wednesday so much. He often got you flowers or booked a table for dinner at a restaurant. And now he was leaving. Well, both of you could be pricks.

Picking up your bag again, you left without saying goodbye and got inside the car. You didn't even know where you were going. And you should have probably just walked but it was raining and the last thing you needed was to catch a cold.

Traffic wasn't too bad and you kept driving after the light turned green. And soon, everything went dark.

**

Rúben thought about staying home when he heard you leave. Maybe he should wait until you get back and apologize. You both had reasons to apologize but he knew he had been a dick to you. It was just that sometimes it got on his nerves how much you depended on him. For the stupidest things. You were independent otherwise. You had a good job, which meant you had your own money, and managed most of the important things around the house. But then you couldn't deal with killing a bug and cleaning the mess. It just didn't make sense sometimes and it frustrated him.

So Rúben met some of his teammates for dinner. And then, for drinks. Even if he didn't have any since the season had already started and, well, everyone remembered what happened the last time he drank. How could they forget?

"Your phone keeps buzzing", told him Nathan and Rúben looked to see it was you calling.

A part of him wanted to answer but he was still angry. And so he just moved the phone away and ignored it. Nathan gave him a weird look, he had seen it was you calling, but decided he wouldn't stick his nose in your business. Better to stay out of it.

Rúben still felt fidgety. He never ignored your calls. And what if it was something important?

"I'm going to the toilet. I'll be right back".

And while he was washing his hands, he saw the door open and turned to find Nathan staring at him with wide eyes.

"What?"

"Your phone kept ringing and then you got a text from your girlfriend asking you to answer in not very nice words. So I answered the next time she called…but it wasn't her who was calling you".

"What do you mean? Who has her phone?"

"Her friend Patricia, who is a nurse. They are both in the hospital".

"What? Why?"

Rúben felt dizzy all of a sudden.

"She had an accident".

**

"Patricia! Where is she?"

Rúben was running around the hospital's corridor, not caring about who he bumped into. And when he finally saw Patricia, he cared even less.

"Oh, now you care?"

"You can call me names later, please tell me what happened!"

"A drunk driver hit her car".

"Is she ok? Where is she?", now he was panicking even more. And feeling guilty. So guilty.

"The doctors were worried when she got here", started Patricia and she put a hand on Rúben's arm when she noticed he was about to lose control. "But she's fine. Well, as fine as one can be. She got really lucky. She was unconscious when she got here but there's no major damage".

"Thank God!", sighed Rúben. "Where is she? Can I see her?"

"Follow me".

Patricia could move around the area freely and she took Rúben with her to your room and then knocked on the door.

"Wait here. The doctors are still inside".

Rúben nodded and pressed his ear to the door. He could hear Patricia telling the doctors that your partner was there and wanted to see you and a couple of minutes later, the door opened.

"Come in".

Rúben took no time to do so and soon he was by the bed, right next to you and completely ignoring the doctors who were still there.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes", you nodded. But you looked so small and weak. There were a few bruises on your skin but Patricia was right. It could have been so much worse.

That was when Rúben decided to acknowledge the doctors.

"Sorry. I was really worried. Is she ok? When can she go back home?"

"Tomorrow morning. We want to monitor her tonight, just to be on the safe side".

He nodded and looked back at you, the way your eyes kept closing worried him.

"They gave her some medicine to sleep", said Patricia, as if she could read his mind. "She needs the rest".

"Of course. Can I stay here?"

"Yes. I'll get you a pillow and a blanket but that won't make the sofa any more comfortable".

"I don't care about that. And thank you".

The night was terrible for Rúben. He kept staring at you and wasn't able to sleep. That's why he was awake every time a nurse showed up to check how you were doing. And even if they all told him everything was fine, he still couldn't sleep.

When you finally woke up, he jumped from the sofa to go to your side.

"How are you? Are you in pain? Should I call a doctor?"

"I'm fine. I just need the toilet".

"I'll take you there".

"No you won't, Rúben", you chuckled.

"Then I'll call a nurse".

"No. I'm fine".

Despite his protests, you got up and went to the bathroom by yourself. Your whole body ached but it was bearable. And you were going to get more painkillers soon with your breakfast so it was ok.

"Let me help you", he said, taking your arm to help you walk back to the bed. And you let him even if you didn't need the help.

"Thanks".

"I'm so sorry", he blurted out. "You have no idea. You could have been hurt so badly and I wasn't answering the phone because of a ridiculous fight. I will never forgive myself for that. You needed me and I wasn't there".

"Rúben", you said, grabbing his hand. "We both made mistakes. You were right. I kept crying wolf and then when something bad happened, you didn't think it was an emergency. You were so right about …".

"No. No, that's no excuse".

"Don't feel bad, really. Plus, it wasn't even me calling. I was busy doing tests to make sure everything was ok".

"Still. It won't happen again. Call me anytime to kill a cockroach or to do anything you need . Seriously, I'll always be there".

"I know you will. But I have some growing up to do too. If I hadn't left like that because I was upset you told me off, this wouldn't have happened".

"Hey!", he was now the one grabbing your hands. "You drove when the light was green and a drunk driver hit you. You did nothing wrong. It was all his fault".

"But…".

"But nothing. Now let me pamper you until you're healthy again".

"I like being pampered", you smiled.

"Then get ready. Because even queens will be jealous of how I'll treat you".

And Rúben sealed his promise with a kiss.

#ruben dias #ruben dias fanfiction #ruben dias fanfic #ruben dias imagine #footballer one shot #ruben dias angst #ruben dias fluff #football one shot #footballer imagine #footballer x reader #ruben dias x reader #footballer fanfic #footballer fluff

[babybluebex]

a medium place | eric (a quiet place: day one) x fem!reader

summary: your husband, eric, spends too much time at the office, and he assures you that you’re a priority in his life. pairing: eric (a quiet place: day one, 2024) x fem!reader tags: brief fighting, smut MINORS DNI: oral (f!recieving), fingering. author’s note: i told y’all i’d be writing fics for this character as soon as i found out a name, and i whipped this up today! if you’ve never seen the quiet place films, you can still enjoy this fic! all you need to know is that aliens invade the earth, and they hunt by using sound (although that’s not really relevant to this fic lol). hope y’all enjoy!

“Eric!” you whined, sitting up in bed. “It’s so early, come back to bed!” 

“Darling,” your husband said, his tone light but still warning. “You know I have to be at the office early today.” 

“I know, I know,” you grumbled. Eric bustled around the bedroom, doing up his shirt as he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth, and you pouted. “But, baby—”

“Oh, no,” Eric laughed. “Don’t you ‘baby’ me, you know what that does to me.” 

“I know,” you said softly, slowly slinking out of bed and stopping your husband’s journey with a hand on his chest. “That’s why I said it.” 

Eric sighed, his big dark eyes softening at the sight of you, bare legs, wearing his t-shirt, hair messy from sleep, his beautiful girl, and Eric slipped a kiss onto your mouth quickly. “I don’t have time, sweetheart,” he whispered, and you rolled your eyes. 

“I know,” you said. “You never have time for me anymore.” 

“Hey,” Eric said, his eyebrows furrowing. “That’s not fair.” 

“Well, it’s true,” you said. “You’re always at the office, I’m home alone more often than I ever see you, and I just miss you, baby. I just— I don’t know, I’m starting to feel like an afterthought in your life.” 

“You’re not,” Eric told you. “Sweetie, you’re the biggest thing in my life, I do everything for you. I work so much so that I can give you the life that you deserve, because you deserve the world. I love you, darling, but…” He sighed and shrugged, and his eyes flicked to his watch. “I have to go to work.” 

“Fine,” you huffed. “Go to work, do whatever you need to.”

“Baby, please,” Eric said, his arms going around you tightly. “Please don’t be mad at me, I can’t leave, knowing that you’re mad at me.” 

“I’m not mad at you, Eric,” you told him. “I’m just frustrated that I don’t seem to be a priority.” 

“You are a priority, I promise,” Eric told you quickly. “I just— We’re in the middle of something huge right now, we have a ton of work, but it’ll lessen up soon, and-and I’ll take you to dinner tonight!” You wriggled out of your husband’s arms and started back to bed, but he grabbed your arm, pulling you back into his embrace. You had always felt so happy and warm and safe in Eric’s arms, ever since you had started dating in college, but now it felt like he was grasping at any straws to convince you to stay. “I’ll take you to dinner, to that little Italian place you like, and we’ll order wine and we’ll have a good time, alright? And then, when we get home, I-I’ll go down on you, how about that? Would you like that?” 

“Of course I’d like that,” you told him. “But will you be home before fucking eight o’clock tonight?” 

“I’ll make sure I am,” Eric told you. “I’ll be home at five, okay? I promise you I’ll be home early.” 

“Alright,” you agreed. “But you can’t break that promise to me. This is important to me.” 

“Of course,” Eric said. “How about I— You know what, how about—“ He kissed you, then his hands went to his shirt, undoing the buttons and shucking it off of his shoulders. “How about I do the second part of that now?” 

“What second part?” you asked. “The whole ‘going down on me’ thing?”

“Yeah,” Eric said, nodding quickly. “I’ll be a little late to work and leave a little early, how does that sound? Lay down, baby, let me take care of you.” 

“Okay,” you giggled, sitting down on the bed and pulling Eric towards you and kissing him again. His kiss was greedy, his tongue instantly invading your warm mouth, tasting you like he never had before, not even on your wedding night. “S’long as you do it again tonight.” 

“I’ll do it as much as you want me to,” Eric said. “Gotta keep my wife pleased, right?” 

“Right,” you told him. “Get to work, baby.” 

Eric laughed, planting a kiss on your jaw before he grabbed at your shirt and started to pull it up your body. He kissed your warm skin as it was revealed to him, stopping to suck at your pebbled nipples, and you gasped and arched into him. 

“Eric, baby,” you breathed, your hand reaching up and gathering his curls between your fingers. 

“I know, sweetheart,” Eric cooed softly, kissing down between your tits and to your stomach. “You missed me, huh?” 

“Missed you so bad,” you whimpered, and you tugged his curls as he grabbed hard at your hips, hard enough to leave sensitive bruises. His eyes flicked up to yours, big and dark and already blown-out, and he pressed a kiss to your pussy through your panties. You couldn’t remember the last time that Eric had touched you like this, and your body reacted instantly, your hips bucking up into his face. “Shit, sorry—”

“Don’t apologize,” Eric told you. “It was cute.” He kissed you again, his tongue darting out to lick at your panties softly, and he whispered, “Wanna take my time with you.” 

“Baby,” you laughed. “I appreciate that, but I’m really turned on right now, and I don’t think I can wait much longer.” 

“And what’ll happen if you do have to wait?” Eric asked, and you rolled your eyes. 

“Nothing good,” you told him. His fingers grabbed at your panties and started to tug them down your legs, and you could tell how eager he was by the way his hands shook. It was adorable, frankly, but you didn’t have much time to dwell on it before his mouth attached to your bare and wet pussy. 

Every thought in your head issued out as soon as you felt his tongue on you, leaving you a wordless little lump on the bed. You moaned softly, shivering under his grip, and Eric licked a broad stripe up your pussy, ending on your clit, where he gave a tight suck. The suction was amazing and almost otherworldly— Eric always had been good at going down on you— your head tilted back as bolts of electricity ran up your legs and settled in your belly. 

“Eric,” you whispered, your hips twitching in his hands. He licked another stripe up you, tasting your wet release, and you groaned as the tip of his tongue played with your clit quickly. “Eric, fuck!” 

“That’s it, baby,” Eric whispered, his plush lips closing around your clit and sucking hard again. “Tell me how good it feels.” 

“Feels so good,” you moaned, reaching out with your open hand to fist at the bedsheets, trying to anchor yourself down. “So good, baby, fuck.” 

“Aw, baby,” Eric said. “So pretty, so beautiful like this. Fuck, baby, I’m so happy you’re mine.” 

“I love you,” you whispered, and Eric carefully pushed his tongue into your hole, tasting you. He moaned against you as he fucked you on his tongue, the vibrations running up your spine and making you brain bounce in your skull, and you tugged hard at his hair and whimpered out, “Eric, fuck! Just like that! Don’t stop!” 

Eric was making a mess of both of you, spreading his spit and your slick around, coating his lips and chin, so greedy and eager to taste you that he didn’t care about it. The feeling was electric, and your legs kicked a little with overstimulation as Eric’s fingers joined in, sliding into you next to his tongue. His fingers were so thick that you instantly moaned at the stretch of him, and Eric laughed softly, his warm breath fanning across your wet pussy. “Yeah?” he asked. “This greedy pussy sucking in my fingers like this, you’re so bad, fuck, my sweet girl.” 

“Feels so good,” you whispered breathlessly, and you moaned when his fingers started to pump in and out of you, fucking you quickly. The sound of it hit the walls and bounced back at you, the wet squelch making your eyes roll back, and the noises that your husband was making as he pleasured you were too good. “Fuck, Eric, I’m gonna cum.” 

“Already?” Eric asked. 

“It’s been a long time,” you said defensively, and you saw the way that Eric’s face faltered. 

“I know, and I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ll never leave you wanting again. I have to be better than that.” 

“I wasn’t fair to you, though,” you said. “It’s your job, it’s not your fault that you’re working all these hours.”

“We just need to find a medium place,” Eric said. “One where I work but still care for you.” 

“We can do that,” you told him, and Eric smiled up at you. He laid a gentle kiss on your pussy, and he slid his fingers out from you. “I love you, Eric.” 

“I love you so much,” Eric said, his smile melting as he looked at you, and his eyes flicked behind your face to the windows. You loved the flat that you rented, but especially the bay window that was in your bedroom. You often sat there and looked down at the London street, waiting to see your husband walking home or just plain people-watching, and you told Eric that you never wanted to move and lose that window. “What the fuck?” Eric mumbled, and your heart pounded in your chest. 

“What?” you asked. You quickly craned your head to look out the window, and, in the sunrise, you saw a glare. No, it wasn’t a glare; it was something in the sky, giving off light. It looked almost like a huge fireball, like something out of a sci-fi movie, and a cold fear hit your body. “Baby?” 

Eric silently got off his knees and went to the window, and you grabbed your panties and tugged them on before you followed him. Your legs shook as you grabbed at his hand, and Eric slung his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his body. “Get my phone,” Eric whispered, but, before you could even move, the lights in the bedroom flickered. 

The lights triggered something in you, and you parted from your husband, going to your dresser and grabbing a pair of pants before you went to your nightstand and grabbed your phone. Your internet was down, a small SOS appearing where your data bars should have been. “Cell service is shot,” you said, and Eric went about dressing himself, just as he had been before your interruption. A brown suit, his comfy canvas shoes, and Eric tapped at his phone as you paced the room. 

“I read something last week about a meteor shower,” Eric told you. “I didn’t think we’d see it.” 

“Eric, that’s not a meteor shower,” you told him, your voice shaking. “And a meteor shower wouldn’t cut cell service. Something is going on—“ 

There was a pounding at your front door as the lights flickered again, and you nearly jumped out of your skin in shock. Your nerves already felt fried, and you glanced at your husband as you watched his face turn stony. 

“Stay here,” he told you, and he started to leave the bedroom, but he stopped for a moment to drag you into his body and kiss your forehead. “You’re safe. Whatever’s going on, you’re safe.” 

“B-But—“ you started, and the pounding on your door came again, along with the sound of someone shouting. You didn’t know your neighbor too well, but you did know the sound of her voice, and it comforted you a little to know that it was just your neighbor at the door. 

“Just stay here,” Eric told you. “Stay away from the window, stay here.” 

“Eric—“ 

“Stay here!” He never raised his voice at you, and the way that he did just then made your skin crawl. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Before your husband could leave the room, he squeezed you tightly, and you reached up and kissed his lips, your hand moulding to the shape of his jaw. 

“Eric, I’m scared,” you whimpered, and he looked down at you with those perfect dark eyes of his. 

“I know,” Eric whispered. “It’ll be okay. Whatever’s going on, I won’t let you get hurt. You understand me?” When you didn’t answer him, he grabbed your chin in his hand, making you look at him, and he firmly asked, “You understand? You’re safe.” 

You nodded, sniffling, as your neighbor banged on your door for a third time, and you heard her call Eric’s name. “I’ll be right back,” he whispered, and he kissed you again before he whisked off out of the room to answer the door. 

Your arms went tight around yourself as you sat on the corner of the bed, your legs shaking with fear, and you looked back at the window. The fireball, as you chose to call it, was still lingering in the sky, and you futilely grabbed at your phone to try any attempt at getting a call out to your mum, but, before you could dial her number, a shadow passed by your window. 

You knew what your husband had said, stay away from the window, but you couldn’t help yourself. You slowly stood up and stalked to the window, peeking out, and you saw the street empty, devoid of people. It was eerie, and goosebumps appeared on your skin as you spotted something move at the end of the street. You couldn’t even make out what it was before fear froze you, and, as the window shattered, you screamed, “Eric!”

#joseph quinn x reader #joseph quinn x you #eric aqp x reader #eric aqp x you #eric aqp #a quiet place: day one #a quiet place day one #joseph quinn #joe quinn

[moonlight-prose]

♱ NUESTRO PLANETA ♱

a/n: not going to lie it took me longer than i wanted for this fic to be written. probably because it's been a few months since i've written for him. i'm iffy about it honestly, but i hope y'all enjoy!

day five - phone sex | kinktober 2022

summary: late nights apart turned into risqué phone calls.

word count: 1.1k+

pairing: javier peña x f!reader

warnings: MINORS DNI, cussing, female + male masturbation, hint of cum eating, dirty talk if you squint really hard and use a magnifying glass.

He hated working late. Mainly because it was around the early AM hours when he finally managed to collapse on his couch, lighting a cigarette to release the stress. Yet the new found loathing he acquired for spending so many hours pouring over file after file came when he met you. It was just his luck that your job required you to go in early whereas he stayed up late—the opposing schedules nearly drove you both up the wall.

Every now and then you managed to sneak time to see one another. Whether it was him picking you up for lunch or you meeting him halfway for dinner. You made it work the only way you could.

Which resulted more often than not, in nights like this.

The smell of cigarette smoke permeated his senses as he read line after line of the file—searching for one name. That’s all they needed. His eyes were starting to blur from squinting at the small printed words and his stomach was twisting with hunger. One look at the clock told him he’d have to wait another hour before leaving; once again missing his chance to see you.

You and your pretty smile, your comforting presence, and mischievous eyes. Javier could almost pretend that you were here with him. Sitting on the edge of his desk and telling him all about your work day—how it went and what you were planning to do tomorrow. He could in all honesty, listen to you talk for hours at a time. He already had. If he closed his eyes and focused maybe he might even be able to smell the delicate perfume you wore—one he always watched you spray on every morning and night.

The phone rang, cutting through his thoughts, and with a sigh he answered it.

“This is—”

His shoulders tensed, hand gripping the phone so tight his knuckles turned white, as your sharp gasp echoed into his ear. He knew that gasp—had been the cause of that gasp more times than he could count—and nothing made his mind wake up faster. Cursing into the line, he glanced around the office he knew was empty—the tie he wore suddenly restricting his breathing. So he pulled at it, tearing it off as yet another shaky breath rang in his ear.

“Javi?” you breathed.

He groaned, his head falling into his hand. Even your voice sounded sinful. A piece of you he wanted here in the flesh so he could get a chance to hear it louder. To make you keen and moan like he knew he could. Glaring at the clock that hung on the opposing wall, he tried to will time to speed up so he could finally go home.

“I’m here corazón,” he replied. “You couldn’t wait for me to get home huh?”

A soft moan sent a shiver down his spine—the echo of your fingers sliding in and out of your cunt audible in the background. The blood rushed to his cock, making his suit pants suddenly painful to wear and with one more glance around the deserted office, he reached down. The small secluded office he was assigned to suddenly felt like a damn gift as he freed himself, wrapping a hand around his already leaking cock.

“I didn’t want to wait anymore.” Your breath hitched and you pressed the phone tighter to your ear when you heard him moan in relief—knowing he was doing the exact same thing you were doing.

He didn’t go further then a small stroke here and there, adamant on restraining himself so he could hear you fully. “How many fingers?”

Fuck, he knew how many you could take and he also knew you’d be doing your best to mimic the feeling of his. The sound of your slick grew louder, your moan high pitched. He wanted to ask how long you’d been at this. When did you start? But words escaped him the second you whined his name. He’d always known that when it came to you…he would do anything. Ever since he first laid eyes on you. Even now as you practically begged him to help you cum, he was unable to do anything but give in.

“Three,” you choked out, pressing your thumb on your clit and keening when sparks of pleasure ran up your spine.

He clicked his tongue, grunting into the phone. “You can add one more for me.”

So you did.

Javi and please were the only words you could get out of your mouth. It felt like hours since you started, finally deciding that to hear his voice was as good as you could get. Nights like this always drove the both of you to the brink of breaking. Desperate for one another once you finally found time to be together again. But hearing him spur you on, telling you how pretty you must look with four of your fingers buried in your cunt, was all you needed.

“Are you close, corazón?” He wanted to run out of the building and go home to you, but before he did any of that…he needed to hear you shatter. He needed to imagine what you looked like before he got to see it in person.

“Mhm,” you mumbled, biting down on your bottom lip. “I’m—” A cry cut off your words, the pleasure mounting even further. “I’m right there.”

“Okay baby,” he said softly, tugging on his cock to relieve the absolute ache that spread through him. “Come on. Cum for me. I want to hear you.”

He fought against the urge to buck up into his hand, the sound of you sobbing his name through the line nearly tipping him over the edge. Somehow he was right on the edge of finishing with you and yet he barely touched himself. He blamed it on the stress, but knew that you were the sole reason for that happening. With a pained groan, he tucked his still throbbing cock back into his pants before snatching his jacket and car keys.

“I’ll be home in five minutes.”

“Please hurry,” you sighed, still in need of him rather than your fingers. They would do for now, but eventually you wouldn’t be able to finish with just that.

He froze at the sound of you sucking on something filtered through the scratchy connection. The realization slammed into him like a semi-truck. You were sucking your cum off your fingers, moaning at the taste and asking for him to come take care of you. Javier knew then that you’d be the reason his heart stopped for sheer shock alone. One small phone call and he felt as if he was the one who just had the orgasm.

“I’m on my way.” Slamming the phone down, he rushed through the building, ignoring everyone who remained.

They could wait until tomorrow. Tonight he would spend at home with you—a place he would always rather be.

#javier peña #javier peña x f!reader #javier peña x y/n #javier peña x you #javier peña x reader #javier peña smut #pedro pascal #my writing #kinktober 2022

[sunshiline-writes]

A Rose Amidst Thorns #16: On Being Human

This chapter is a bit of a break chapter, mostly dialogue and a bit of some character backstory teehee. Hope you enjoy!! CW: lady whump, POC whump, references to abuse, references to past murder, domestic abuse, drowning, water torture, past torture mention, Henriettas fucked up inner monologue lmfao

word count: 3k Previous | Masterlist | Next

There were times where silence was calming, a necessary break from the horrors of the day. Then there were times where the silence was soul consuming. The lack of sound was festering in the house like a poison. It was killing her. Henrietta was sure that she was going crazy. 

Xavier barely talked to her and when he did it was short clipped answers and questions. He used to at least talk to her. He left the house early and came back late. It was like he was trying to stay away. Perhaps he was waiting until he was less angry. If he was less angry, he’d be less likely to kill her. But she didn’t even get to see or talk to Solomon. 

He’d gotten over his sickness a week ago, according to Xavier. He was up and moving, but she’d only seen glimpses of him, slipping in the house. Walking past doorways. Solomon had healed nicely, though his left cheek now had a permanently sunken look. He still had bruises all over his face, his eye was still swollen. But he was alive and that was what mattered. Besides, what would Xavier do without his resident doctor? 

They had met gazes once, when she was outside hanging the laundry. He had left the house and he turned and they stared at each other. It was just a moment but it was enough. Solomon didn’t blame her, he didn’t blame anyone. She could see it written on his face. It made her heart hurt less at least. To known she wasn’t blamed this time. But she missed him. Missed the gentle camaraderie that they had with each other. Henrietta missed her friend. 

She even missed Miguel. Even when all he would do was sit at the table and watch her as she cooked dinner. He was always making noise despite everything. His hands tapping on the table, or his foot tapping on the wooden floor. He even made noise when he spoke with his hands, noises escaping his mouth. But he’d been banished back to the hayloft in the barn. She hadn’t seen him in nearly three weeks. Not even a glimpse. She half expected that Xavier had actually killed him, dumped his body in a ditch and left him there to rot. 

A few days ago, she had gathered the courage to ask. 

“Is he alive? Miguel?” 

Xaviers answer was plain and simple, “Yes. The mutt is alive. Don’t ask again.” 

Henrietta did not ask again. She wouldn’t. She was afraid that Miguel would suffer the consequences. Miguel had suffered enough. He had especially suffered enough at the fault of Henrietta. She did not want to be the cause of his suffering anymore. It was too much guilt. It was all too much guilt and it was also the fact that she had no interest in changing her actions. She did not have remorse for asking Solomon to braid her hair or for killing Terrance three years ago. She had no interest in trying to change her past actions. The past was done, it could not be undone. All she had left was to finish the song she started. 

The song wasn’t finished. Her song was not finished. Even as she swept the floor, her song was still here. This was just a single note in a long song. All she had to do was keep playing. One note at a time, one day at a time. Henrietta was going to escape. All she had to do now was wait. There would be an opportunity, a rest in the song. A mistake that Xavier would make. All she had to do was utilize it. 

So Henrietta swept the floor, cringing when the door slammed open. The sounds of a scuffle. She stopped, broom in her hands. Half ready to use it to hit someone if she needed to. Instead, all she saw was Xavier dragging Jesse inside by the collar of his shirt, throwing him forward. 

“I am not going to tell you again Jesse, fucking bathe. Pinche kid, you smell.” 

“Xavier please,” Jesse begged quietly, stepping backwards. “I don’t want to. You know I don’t want to. I’ll use a cloth, I’ll do whatever just don’t put me in the water again.” 

The boys eyes were wild, searching for a way out. There were few times she ever saw him truly terrified. Each time, it was when Xavier was around. She’d known Jesse since Xavier took him in almost fifteen years ago. It was near when they met and he always struggled with getting Jesse to bathe. He was like a feral street dog who did everything in its power not to touch the water. She never quite knew why. 

Usually Xavier let him do as he pleased, he’d go weeks and sometimes even months without even a wet cloth touching his skin. He always smelled like shit and there were times it got so bad she swore he stunk up anything he touched too. The little shit was always dirty, grimy, filthy. It was why she hated that he had taken to Miguel in the way he did. She feared it would rub off on him. Luckily, it did not. 

Right now, she only felt contempt as Xavier grabbed him by the hair and started to drag him to the bathroom. Henrietta had filled it earlier, assuming it was for Xavier or Solomon. Now she knew exactly who it was for. The water was cold by now she thought idly. Following them to the bathroom out of sheer curiosity. 

Xavier dragged him to the bathroom, Jesse kicking and screaming the entire way. So much so that his voice cracked when they finally made it through the doorway. Henrietta didn’t follow them in, she watched from the hallway. Her heart raced, wondering if this would be the mood he would be in all day. If he came to bed like this, she was sure she would have more bruises than usual. 

The scene before her was hard to look away from. Xavier started with tearing Jesse’s shirt off, literally tearing it (Henrietta would have to mend that later).

“Get in Jesse.” 

“You fucking get in,” came the kids reply. 

“Jesse,” Xavier started, tone terse, strained. “You won’t go to town like that. Fucking bathe.” 

“Then I just won’t go to town, Tio please.”  

“I won’t ask again,” Xavier said finally. Henrietta could hear the coldness in his voice. There was nowhere for Jesse to run. He was pressed up against the wall, shaking his head. His whole body was shivering. Xavier sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Then he reached out and grabbed Jesse by the throat, effortlessly bringing him to the edge of the tub. Then he shoved Jesse into it. Xavier’s nephew screamed and clawed at the edges of the tub. Splashing water everywhere. Xavier used his other hand to shove the boy's head under, silencing him for the moment. 

Henrietta swallowed thickly, fear churning in her gut. Everything around her seemed to fade out as she watched, white knuckled grip on the broom. Jesse’s struggles would cease, Xavier would bring his head up from the water, Jesse would wheeze and cough, and then the cycle would start again. It wasn’t until Jesse stopped struggling completely, that Xavier hauled him out of the water, depositing him on the ground. He turned around to face Henrietta, eyes dark. 

He strolled toward her, soaked from Jesse’s thrashing, “Make sure he gets up. Solomon and I are going for a supply run in town. There are some men stationed out at the entrance and outside the house and barn. Don’t run. Don’t even try. You’ll never make it.” Then he walked past her, bumping her shoulder. When he reached the end of the hallway, he stopped, speaking again, “Do you want anything from town?” 

Hen found it hard to speak, but she swallowed the fear and did so, “Oranges, if they have them.” 

Xavier nodded, sighing softly. “I’ll be back by tomorrow afternoon.” Then he left. 

She did not move until she heard the front door close. The tension in the air melted as soon as it did. Hen sagged her shoulders and leaned against the wall for a moment. Taking in a deep breath. She glanced at the bathroom door. Listening to the choked sobs from inside the room. 

Henrietta really did not want to go in there. She had nothing to say to the sociopath of a man. One that so effortlessly and constantly hurt and burdened someone she cared about. Yet, she forced herself to move. Gathering a towel and making her way up to Jesse’s room to get some clothes. Then she forced herself every step down the stairs and through the hallway. She forced herself through the doorway. 

There was water all over the floor, probably ruining the wooden flooring. Jesse laid in a corner curled into a ball back towards her. The brand on his lower back was clear as day and she winced at the memory of her own. She laid the towel and clothes on the counter. Henrietta didn’t know that he had been branded. That was reserved for people that belonged to Xavier completely. The brand was a symbol of ownership. 

“You have a brand,” she said idly, smoothing out the creases of the towel. 

There was no response to her, there were only a few sniffles from him as he shifted further away from her. Henrietta was too tired to deal with this. Slowly, she gathered the towel and leaned over the boy. There were fading scars of a whip, cutting through the array of freckles across his back. It seemed that even Jesse was not immune to the wrath of Xavier. Henrietta always assumed that he was safe from the worst of it. Now, seeing him curled on the floor like this, it seemed that she had been proven wrong. 

“Are you feeling better?” she asked the shivering mass on the floor. Jesse was still dripping wet, shaking furiously. She never knew anyone who feared water as much as him. She was surprised he would even drink water when he did. 

“Fuck.. off..” Jesse growled. 

“I brought a towel. Figured you might want to get dry.” 

A beat of silence and then he turned around to face her from the floor. He forced himself to move, stretching out a hand with weird, choppy movements. Henrietta held it from him. 

“Why do you hate water so much?” 

“Give me the towel.” 

“Answer the question and I might.”

Jesse stared up at her for a moment, his eyes red from tears. He bit his lip and forced himself to sit up with a low groan and a cough. He pressed his back against the wall and licked his lips. Preparing himself for what he was going to say. His mouth opened and closed a few times. Probably debating whether being dry was worth talking about whatever it was that scared him so much. 

“Water makes people decay slower,” Jesse whispered, voice hoarse now for a reason Henrietta couldn’t fathom. “It also makes people bloated and weird. They turn blue. She was blue. And I tried to get her out of the water and she was too heavy.” 

“Who was?” 

“It also, it also makes skin slippery, like, like,” he paused, a glazed over look in his eyes for a moment, “like when you skin a rabbit. It feels like that. Raw and, and, it falls apart when you give it too much force.” 

“Jesse,” Henrietta said gently, “It’s okay, you can stop now.” 

“She fell apart in my hands. The water.. It had pieces of her floating around when-” “Jesse stop.” 

“My mother died in the bath. In the water.” 

Henrietta gently placed the towel in his hands. Tears were streaming down his face and he let out another choked sob. Burying his face in it. It muffled the sounds and Henrietta couldn’t help but feel grateful.  

“There’s dry clothes on the counter. I’ll make you something to eat.” 

Jesse lifted his head, staring her down. 

“Why? Why are you helping me?” 

Henrietta stood up straighter, chewing on the inside of her cheek. Was there a proper way to answer that? Not really. She sighed softly. 

“You’re only human Jesse. You’re such a filthy little rapist, who likes hurting people for fun. But you’re still just human.”  

Jesse stared at her, but she turned around and started to walk, stopping in the doorway. 

“And your uncle told me to make sure you get up,” she said, then she stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her. 

___ 

It wasn’t until later that Jesse came out of the bathroom, dry and in the clothes she had brought for him. He sat himself at the kitchen table, eyes having a far away look to them. Henrietta handed him a mug of tea that she made, sipping some herself. She leaned against the counter, watching him carefully. 

“Did.. Did you ever meet her? My mother?” 

Henrietta nearly spit out her drink. Staring him down. She did meet her once. Ximena had the signature green eyes of the Reede family. Dark hair that waved slightly, but it was tied in a ponytail. Her face was sunken in and her eyes were dark. Ximena never really looked well, the few times they spoke. She was quiet in nature, always smiling. Henrietta knew she was sickly, she hadn’t expected the extent. Half the time Ximena was bed bound, the other half, she spent with migraines that rendered her useless. Jesse was a lively little thing, the little energy Ximena did have, was spent trying to control her son. 

“I did a few times. She was a very kind woman,” Henrietta answered finally. It was a wonder that Ximena gave birth to the little demon that sat in front of her. 

“She was,” Jesse agreed, looking up at Henrietta. He took a sip of his tea, hands shaking still. His breathing was a bit wheezy too. Probably from the water in his lungs. 

“Breathe in the steam. I think I heard Solomon say once that it’s supposed to help.” 

Jesse, surprisingly complied, breathing in the tea’s steam with a few ragged coughs. He settled after a moment, frowning for a moment. “Did you know my dad?” 

“No. I didn’t. That was before I met your uncle. Maybe Solomon knows more about him.” 

“Oh.. that’s right.” 

“Why are you suddenly asking me questions about your parents? You’ve never asked before.” After running a hand through his hair and fidgeting slightly in his seat, Jesse shrugged a bit. Staring into the brown color of the tea. After a minute, his voice was quiet, the quietest she ever heard, barely above a whisper.  

“He never lets me ask. Never lets me talk about her either. He’s not here.. so I thought I would ask,” he paused, eyes glassy, “while I have the chance you know.” 

She found herself dumbfounded at the sudden vulnerability that she was confronted with from Jesse of all people. Jesse the boy who skinned a racoon that was found in the barn, who raped Miguel on his seventeenth birthday, who beat a man half to death in a bar in town, was asking about his parents in a childlike manner. Jesse was here with her, acting human. Perhaps, Jesse would be more likable if he acted more human. If he were like this all the time, she could almost bear his company. Humans had feelings, regrets. They felt sadness and fear. If they showed it more, maybe people would get along better. That was probably just a rude sense of optimism, getting in the way of seeing who Jesse really was. 

“Why did he brand you?” she found herself asking, her hand ghosting over her own brand on the middle of her chest. Jesse winced and took another sip of his tea. “When did that happen?” 

“A while ago. I was eighteen, so about five years ago? You were out of town visiting your dad I think. When he was dyin’.. I wanted to leave. The ranch. I wanted to join the military.” 

Henrietta had to keep herself from barking out a laugh. She couldn’t imagine Jesse in the military. Or maybe she could. Him with a rifle in his hand, shooting at people. Yeah… she could picture that. Maybe it would have been good for him. Give him some real structure. 

“I assume Xavier wasn’t happy with that.” 

The laugh that came out of him nearly startled her. It was dry and humorless. He shook his head. “Nah.. he beat me within an inch of my fuckin’ life. Hit me until I begged him to stop. Then he strung me up in the barn. Like you in the kitchen. Took out the whip. Fucked me up real good. Then he branded me. Said it was a reminder or somethin’. I dunno. It was fucked. Solomon helped. I begged him not to tell. It’s embarrassin’.” 

“Jesse,” Henrietta said softly. God, why was she starting to pity him? This fucking kid with his red hair, who was sadistic in nature. Why was there room in herself for pity? He was just like his uncle. But he also could have been different. Maybe if Xavier hadn’t taken him in after his mother died, if he’d let him join the military, who would this kid be? He’d be unrecognizable. 

“Don’ fuckin’ do that. Don’t pity me. I don’ need it. I don’ want it either. Fuck off.” 

“I am not pitying you Jesse. I’m just realizing something.”

“Yeah? What’s that?” he said, standing up, tea forgotten on the table. Cold now probably. His hands were flat on the table, snarl curling his lip. 

“You could have been a normal human once. But your uncle ruined that. Like he ruins everything. He likes his control over you. Over all of us. You’re just as trapped as we are.” 

Jesse stared at her, eyes downcast as he stared at the table. His jaw was working. He looked more tired than angry. But he grabbed the cup of tea and threw it off the table, letting it fall to the ground with a crash. Then he stormed out of the house. 

Henrietta let out the breath she was holding. 

__

Taglist:

@demondamage @burntcoffeewhump @angst-after-dark @just-a-silly-little-whumper @tictac-murder-spaghetti @crash-bump-bring-the-whump @whumpifi

@flowersarefreetherapy @badgerwhump @whumpbees @whumplr-reader @cyberwhumper

ask if you'd like to be added or removed!!

#whump #whumpblr #whump blog #sunshine writes whump #a rose amidst thorns #ARAT #arat #Henrietta Belaqua #Jesse reede #complex character dynamics #references to abuse #references to torture #poc whump

[ladytheoris]

Oooooh could I please request p11+c9?

Prompt: I’m done. I’m done trying so hard only for you to never even look in my direction.

Character: Bokuto Koutaro

Warning: Angst, it's total bs.

Have you ever felt like all your efforts are going all around, but not to the point where you want them to be? That was your relationship with Bokuto in summary.

Bokuto Kotaro, one of the top 5 aces in Japan, was insanely famous for his athletic abilities and good looks. He was nothing more than an average person with a hectic schedule when it came to relationships.

Things went smoothly until the initial phase of the relationship, and it was a mutual decision to take things to the next level. And that came with a ring on your finger. A few months in, you felt like being a side character in his story.

If life is a book, you believed every character had their importance. But in Bokuto's book, it was mainly his team, volleyball, and his work life. You could feel slowly that you are just being sided every then and now, like today.

You married him on one fine evening of June 29th. It was the happiest memory you will ever have. His golden eyes always tell affirmative words when you looked at him, and they showed you a hundred reasons to sign that document.

Today was supposed to be the day when he comes home early. Then he would take a nice refreshing bath after the workout he did earlier. Then have a great dinner prepared by you, sipping wine and commenting about how great the last few years were. How lucky he is to be here where he is, along with you. And you would kiss him, pull him in for a slow dance while his arms will go around your waist, pulling you close to his chest. Then have sweet sweet lovemaking without any other priorities in both of your minds. Because a few years back this is what you both did without thinking through or thinking about any consequences.

Instead, here you are sitting on the floor beside the sofa, watching TV. Your mind didn't pay any attention to what was played on the screen, it kept going to the clock beside the TV.

00:01, Bokuto should have been home three hours before.

When did things fall apart so much, but now was the only time you seemed to notice it. Was he always like this? Someone who never cared about you? Or about the love you had for him?

Amidst all those thoughts, somehow you fell asleep, thinking about the past memories that made you smile once. You had tear drops that ran down your eyes. It was cold on the floor where you cuddled your knees to your chest but not as cold as him leaving you out from his schedule.

Around 1:50 AM, Bokuto comes back home. Hearing the door unlocking, you woke up, stood up from your place, and walked towards the door.

"You didn't sleep yet?" he asked, taking off his shoes.

"Why are you so late today?" you asked.

"The boys decided to hang out with the Miyans. Was there". His answer was not even convincing enough to believe his lie. Because all you could see was his messy hair, and obvious hickey right on his neck.

"You remember what day it is today? Well, yesterday." You ask him.

"YN, I'm not in the mood for some random conversation that doesn't hols any value" He walks past you, to his bedroom.

"It's been fucking two years since we got married." Your legs were weak and you leaned on the wall for support. "And I don't think I can do any more."

Bokuto is now piqued. "What do you mean?"

"I’m done. I’m done trying so hard only for you to never even look in my direction." Tears strained your pained face. "And now you've got another woman behind my back." You slowly walk towards the sofa. Each step you took, broke your heart into tiny pieces and you felt the pain as you weeped. "I'm done, Bokuto Kotarou. I don't think I can do this anymore."

Bokuto stayed glued to his steps. If he could turn back time to the moment when everything started to fall out from his hands, he wish he could hold onto that one hand that was waiting for him to be held. The one that used to love him.

"I'm sorry, YN." Bokuto tells. You know this too is from the pile of apologies you've received from before. No remorse or pain.

#haikyū!! #haikyu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyu boys #bokuto kotaro #hq bokuto #haikyuu bokuto #bokuto x reader #bokuto x you #bokuto angst #haikyuu imagines

[eddieheart]

HOME

(Part 3)

Fandom: Stranger Things

Pairings: NONE

Words: 1069

Description: Billy starts his day at Hopper’s cabin, things don’t go as planned.

Warning: I have never seen stranger things, yes I know, I’m terrible. I have seen some videos and read some fanfic, but I also have my amazing editor @buggylad, who has seen the show. So enjoy!

Part 2:

He remembered the smell of the ocean, when you first got a whiff of it, it was almost putrid but over time you'd long for it. The salty breeze and crystal waters. He remembered the feeling of water surrounding him, it was the safest he'd ever felt, like the entire ocean was giving him a hug.

After his mother left Neil wouldn't let him go back, he hadn't felt the soft sand between his toes in eight years, when his mother left them.

The sounds of sea gulls and laughter peaked out from behind his memories, the sound of his mother laughing softly attached to a face he could barely remember anymore. Her hair always smelled of lavender and love, the most gorgeous blond, curly just like his.

Billy had tried to use his mother's shampoo after she left, to smell her again, to smell home again. But Neil had just called him a pussy and punched him. As he bled onto the floor billy promised himself he'd never wear lavender again. 

The last picture he had of her was at home in his bedroom tucked away inside a locket underneath a floorboard for safe keeping. He cherished it, even if he hadn't seen it eight years. He had hidden it after Neil caught him with it one day and threatened to throw it down the garbage disposal.

So much of his life had been controlled by Neil, what he wore, what he said, what he did. Whenever he screwed up he got hit, Billy learned at a young age never to question his father. When Max came along things were suddenly different, his mistakes weren't just his now. No, now her mistakes were his too, everything bad that happened was his fault and he got punished.

Max hanging around boys, Billy's fault. Max skate boarding, Billy's fault. Max late for dinner, Max talking back, Max got a bad grade, Max didn't respect him enough, everything was Billy's fault. He had to teach her right from wrong, he had to correct her, he had to avoid flying fists.

Billy hated himself, hates himself for what he let his father do. He rolled over in bed, soft blue sheets crumpled under his fingers. It was 5 am, his father liked him to get up early.

After finally getting himself out of bed, Billy made his way to the bathroom. For the first time in a long time Billy looked at himself, really looked at himself. His hair and eyes he got from his mom, cheek bones and lips from his dad, the dead look behind his eyes and scars from the fucking shadow.

Billy showered, changed and walked to the kitchen. El was sitting at the dinning table with Max as Hopper pulled egos from the toaster. It was almost too calm, too quiet, this was always how it felt before Neil did something.

As soon as El's eyes landed on him she perked up and called out to him.

"Billy! You're up! Come sit!" She cried out happily.

Great.

Hopper walked out of the kitchen and pulled out a chair for the young boy. Billy flinched back as the older man gave him a pat on the back. Flinching like a fucking pussy, aft raid of a little fucking pat on the back.

Max watched with weary eyes, she knew Billy hated being coddled almost as much as he hated mornings. His eyes seemed to darken in the way only his eyes could.

Hopper brought him a plate and wrapped his arm around the boy to place it on the table, Billy stayed sitting stiffly until the man moved his arm away. El leaned over the table and looked into his eyes.

"Are you okay?" She asked in a meek little voice.

Everyone was too fucking close, he's not a fucking baby, he can do it himself. Hopper walked back to the kitchen but the room still felt too crowded.

"Why don't you guys just back off, he's fine he barely even has a scratch on him. Can we please focus on something else." Max snapped out, she could tell Billy was getting overwhelmed.

Not that bad? Not that fucking bad? Billy knew he deserved it but come the fuck on. If Neil was here he'd have beaten Billy for even allowing Max to say that. Fist clenching, would Hopper think the same thing? She was his responsibility's needed to correct her.

"I can speak for my fucking self Maxine." Billy snarled out, lip curling upwards.

Max recoiled back, she was just trying to help why'd he have to be such a dick?

"Fuck off Billy." She swung her hand out to wave him off, she must have done it too quickly though because Billy grabbed it in mid air as if it was aimed at him. That was it.

"Watch the attitude shitbird." She held her ground an stanched her arm out of his grasp.

"What are you gonna do about asshole?"

"You know what happens when you disobey me, I break things." He grabbed his plate and threw it at the wall.

His hand must have brushed the glass in front of him onto the floor because another loud cracking noise rang out. Billy stood up, glaring down at his sister as El shivered in her chair.

It broke with a loud crash, splintering over the floor. Hopper walked over to the table worry etched into his face.

"Hey, what's going on out here?" He yelled out. Hopper stared at the scene in front of him, he grabbed onto Billy's shoulder and dragged him back into his room.

The older man pushed him into the room and Billy bumped against the door softly. He didn't look down chin facing up, the way his dad liked, daring to look into the older man's eyes. Billy's eyes squinted as the older man stepped onto his space bubble.

Hopper recognized this, the standoffish-ness, the yelling, the subtle flinching when someone got too close. He already knew what Neil had done, he'd seen the X-rays, Billy didn't need to say anything for him to know the truth.

Hopper deflated when he noticed the subtle flinch in the boy's eyes.

"Take a minute, calm down. Then we're gonna talk about this okay?" Billy eyed the man wearily, was this some sick fucking trick?

Hopper turned away and left the room.

Part 4:

@buggylad

#hurt billy hargrove #billy hargrove #stranger things #steve harrington #max hargrove #max mayfield #jim hopper #eleven #jane hopper

[rolling-restart]

desecration - part. 20

*** This is a NSFW fic with unhealthy relationship elements and graphic description of violence and sex as well as distressing mental illness elements. If it’s something you want to avoid or you are minor, please scroll past. ***

Status: incomplete

Tags and content warnings: unhealthy relationship dynamics, medicine misuse, non-consensual drug use, jealousy,  workplace harassment, power imbalance, gaslighting, graphic description of injury, graphic description of accident, fighting, theme of death and suicide, shame, self blaming victim, distressing content in general.

Summary: George can’t contain himself anymore while Mick must have a difficult conversation.

A/N: The title is inspired by Hozier’s “Dinner & Diatribes”.

BREAKFAST AND DIATRIBES

They were eating silently in the dining room. It was Monday, therefore the team members had already left either Sunday evening or early Monday morning. George remembered hugging Mick goodbye, and the hint of concern in the young man’s eyes. He also remembered saying hi to Sebastian, who had come to pick Mick up. It was a lazy but jolly occasion. However, George didn’t know if he preferred their teammates present or not. 

After the last guest left the house, they sat down to have a late breakfast. Toto was sitting at the head of the table, reading the news on his tablet while George sat silently next to him. They were having eggs and bacon, which would be nice on any other occasion. Sunny side-up eggs were cooked to perfection and the bacon was crispy just as he liked it. However, after a couple few bites, George felt nausea rising in him.

“Is everything okay?”

Toto’s voice startled him in the silence of the dining room and George dropped his fork on the plate with a loud clink.

“Yes, why are you asking?”

“You stopped eating.”

George couldn’t figure out if it was plain disinterest or annoyance in Toto’s voice but the calmness hurt him nevertheless.

“I want to eat it slowly.”

“Bullshit.”

George picked his fork up gently and cut a piece of egg on toast and brought it to his mouth. The smell was unbearable but he ate it nevertheless, chewing at least twenty times before swallowing.

“There you go.”

George didn’t want to feel angry but he couldn’t help it. After filling him up with a wide cocktail of drugs, ignoring him and forcing him to eat maybe the most difficult course of the day, Toto didn’t seem concerned at all whether George was about to lose it or not.

“So, did you fuck him?”

“Excuse me?”

There! There was the effect he wanted to invoke from Toto. George knew that he was nothing new or exciting to the older man anymore. He was more of a liability, something that requires constant care to stay afoot but the feeling of betrayal was still there, eating up George’s insides.

“Did you fuck Mick?”

Toto placed his tablet on the table and took his reading glasses off. He bought a new pair after the old pair was crushed under George during their fight. It had a gold-tinted black frame and George hated it so much.

“How can you say that?”

George placed his cutlery on the plate and leaned back. His back was still giving him hell but he managed to get used to the feeling at that point. It was not more unbearable than the emotional betrayal he had to endure.

“He had all your attention this weekend. You can drug me up as much as you want but I am not blind.”

Toto sighed and crossed his arms against his chest.

“George, you know those injections are for your well-being, don’t put it as if I am filling you with random drugs for nothing.”

“You are avoiding the question.”

George felt like Toto had to hold himself back from rolling his eyes.

“I am not, I am just approaching it piece by piece. No, I did not fuck Mick. How can you think I could do that to you.”

George scoffed despite himself. 

“Oh, but you were awfully close the whole weekend. And the other night, you weren’t in your bed.”

“Are you stalking me now? You know we couldn’t have stayed in the same room in case someone noticed. I can’t believe you distrust me so much that you had to check my room.”

“You are avoiding the question.”

George could see that anger was rising in Toto but he was also doing an impressively good job of keeping it in control. George honestly didn’t care. 

“I am not avoiding the question. I just wanted to make Mick feel welcome. He is new. He was mistreated in Haas. He needs special attention from me.”

“Oh so, I don’t?”

“George…”

George picked his cutlery up and started cutting the rest of the egg on toast. 

“I guess I look too put together for you to care, huh? I wonder, Toto, what are you planning for the season? Am I gonna be off the drugs? I can’t race like that.”

Toto closed his eyes for a moment. George wasn’t exactly expecting a precise answer but he was curious.

“We will get you off of them, soon. You will need time to recover from the withdrawal and we can start back with smaller doses for the season.”

George raised his eyebrows.

“And, tell me, please, what are they for, exactly? I have the right to know.”

George could tell Toto wasn’t expecting such an inquisition from George but he had no choice now.

“Did we forget to do your injection today?”

“You are avoiding the question.”

“I am not, you are just being frantic and I am worried.”

George’s chest filled with a flood of anger. Even though he was just trying to learn what he had the right to know, he was being accused of being frantic. Yes, they didn’t do their injection for the day because George wanted to have this conversation and distracted Toto with an expert blowjob early in the morning. He hoped that he could get further before Toto noticed.

“I am not frantic. I am just asking questions. What is in that injection?”

Toto rubbed his face with his hands and crossed his arms again. George knew he could easily avoid the question if he wanted to. 

“I’m only doing my best to ensure your well-being. When I visited you at your apartment, you were a danger to yourself. You were so lost, so hurt that it hurt my heart. I just had to do what’s best for you to repair you. Repair your mind. I knew you might not understand but I just couldn’t let you spiral down like that.”

Maybe Toto was right. George was starting to feel frantic, hysterical even at Toto’s admission. So, he was stripped from his right to decide for himself because he couldn’t be trusted to decide for himself. It was all bullshit. He knew he never thought more clearly than the time Toto visited him last time at his apartment. He was so close to getting the answers, so close to being able to explain to himself what was happening.

“You cannot decide that for me. I am an adult.”

Toto gave him a sympathetic smile, which made George want to jump onto him and rip his face apart with his bare hands.

“Are you really, George? You were so lost, so hurt when I found you. You were hurting and you thought I abandoned you. You thought… You thought I was there to kill you. Do you have any idea how much it hurt me to see you like that?”

George was too engulfed by rage to answer him. He just needed to keep his reactions in control before this conversation descended into madness for both of them.

“I am not expecting you to understand. I am just hoping you would help me help you. Everything will be just fine once the season starts.”

George scoffed again, irony obvious in his body language.

“You say that.”

“Yes, I do. We will do just fine during the season. You will get back together and perform beautifully. I am sure of that.”

George was smiling, dangerously. He knew Toto could see the danger and promise of the loss of control on his face.

“You’d hope that. Maybe it will be like that. God, we need more wins. But what will you do if I just crash the car, huh? If I will be as drowsy as I am nowadays, I will definitely crash the car and kill myself. What then, Toto?”

The older man in front of him looked horrified, making George feel incredibly satisfied all of a sudden.

“Don’t talk like that. I know I would never let that happen. I will arrange your dose. You will be safe. I promise.”

George let out a laugh. Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t a hysterical one, not really. It was more of a shy, naughty giggle. A child’s giggle who knew what he was going to do was wrong but did it anyway.

“Oh, really, Toto? Are you going to save me from this damned fate? Oh, but what if I just fucking crash it deliberately, huh?”

“George, please…”

George pushed his chair back and readied to get up when he felt Toto’s firm hand on his.

“George…”

“That’s right, Toto! What if I just decide to run into a wall all of a sudden? Huh? If you don’t heavily medicate me, how you are going to make sure that I won’t do this?”

“George please be sensible, why are you saying these?”

“Would the car blow up? Would you have to come to gather my bits and pieces? God forbid, would they broadcast all these? Imagine the Sky Sports highlights!”

George didn’t know he was crying until the first tears fell onto his lap napkin. He must have looked like he was insane at that point but he hadn’t thought so clearly in weeks. 

“George, you are not thinking straight. Please…”

“Wouldn’t you like that, Toto? I know some people who would like that. And you can just put your dear little Mick in the car. I mean, another car, I suppose. Wouldn’t they like to see the son in his dad’s seat? Everybody would be happy, you would be happy too!”

“George, no, I wouldn’t be happy, so wouldn’t anyone, please…”

“Really, Toto, wouldn’t you like to take a break from your caregiver responsibilities a little, huh? Doesn’t it sound great, not having to make sure that I don’t do anything stupid or tell anyone about any of these?”

“George, please stop, try to take a deep breath.”

“Get your hand off of me!”

George tried to get away from Toto’s iron grip, which got stronger since he got up from his chair without George noticing and was towering over him.

“Please, George, these are not your real thoughts. You just need your medication. Breakfast be damned, let’s go to the bedroom.”

Geroge struggled a bit more before stalling. There was no use. He was still too weak to put up any fight. 

“God forbid if I find anything in that room…”

“You are not going to find anything.”

George’s head twitched against his struggle to keep still.

“If I find anything from Mick there, I will fucking burn this place to the ground, with us in it.”

Toto looked at him, with desperation in his eyes. He looked like he would do anything to get George under control at that point and it filled George with an unfamiliar delight. If he was going to go insane, he wasn’t going to go down alone.

“You are not going to find anything, love, because I haven’t been unfaithful to you. You will see. Now please come with me. You will feel better once we get your meds.”

George got up and shook Toto’s hand away from his bicep. There was a fleeting sense of being in control that he treasured dearly. He knew it couldn’t last for too long but he honestly didn’t feel this good for months. 

The needle burned his nerves and he felt the cold liquid travelling through his veins once he was on Toto’s bed. He sighed at the almost immediate sense of relief and relaxation. 

“You are okay, Schatz, you will be okay.”

==========

Mick locked himself into the guest room of Sebastian’s house once he dropped his bags in the hallway. The long drive back was silent except for occasional attempts to chat by Sebastian but Mick only gave one-word answers. He knew he was driving Sebastian insane with his silence but he couldn’t find it in him to interact with Sebastian at that point.

It was difficult to process. Right and wrong were blended into each other confusingly in his life and Mick just wanted to scream from the top of his lungs for hours. The fact that he couldn’t remember everything that gave him such agitation was worse, indicating that there were other things his conscious brain couldn’t reach that made him feel like that. He couldn’t fight what he couldn’t see. 

Let’s tuck you back in. It was a seemingly innocent attempt to make Mick feel at home but it only brought back the uneasiness from the day. Toto wrapped his arms around his shoulders, holding him close. It would be nice on any other occasion but Mick never felt so trapped in his life, especially since everyone was asleep and there was no option to distract.

They arrived at his guest room. Mick felt a little embarrassed regarding the quickly forming clutters around the room and his half-empty suitcase. 

“Sorry about the mess.”

“It’s alright.”

There was always a relief tied to talking in German with someone since English was dominating every area of his life but even that didn’t relax Mick. Not even a little. 

Toto led him to his bed silently. Mick had made his bed before leaving the room because he was hoping to preserve some of the body heat he gathered under the covers. It felt completely of when Toto lifted the duvet for Mick to get in. It was Mick’s bed, even though temporarily, and it felt wrong to have his boss so close around it.

“Now get in.”

Mick didn’t protest. He wasn’t sure how he could if he decided to. Toto was an all-encompassing presence and it felt impossible, almost wrong to want to escape from it. He got in bed. He shivered when Toto put the duvet back on him, resting his large hand on Mick’s torso under the covers. 

“You couldn’t sleep well?”

Mick shook his head slowly, unable to form any words. It was almost like he was caught in a child-like fear of an authority figure, within the dangerous borders of breaching his curfew rule. He was almost sure he was about to hear his mum’s or dad’s voice telling him to not wander around the house and sleep.

“Let’s see what we can do about it.”

The promise in the words made Mick freeze with fear. The duvet was the only source of security he had. It was separating him from the most definitely scorching touch of his boss. 

Apart from the terror, Mick felt guilty. If Sebastian was indeed concerned about Toto’s possible advances, he would be right. However, among all the tenderness and sweetness between them, Mick knew that Sebastian and he belonged to different words. What Sebastian was hinting at might be his new boss being unprofessionally close but Mick couldn’t see a reasonable way out of it even if Sebastian warned him about it. 

Sebastian was a natural talent, deserving of the success he got. Mick had been nothing but a hot, disappointing mess since the beginning of his so-far short-lived career. Sebastian could have told people to fuck off if they started to demand more than they should have but Mick wasn’t sure if he had that privilege. He was the backup driver because he was desperate and beggars couldn’t be choosers. He knew if Sebastian knew about it, he would be incredibly disappointed at Mick putting himself in a so cheap, so malleable position. But did he have any other choice than pleasing Toto?

It was too early to draw these dooming conclusions. There was still the thin veil of plausible deniability that protected Mick’s dignity and he was praying like he never did before for Toto to not rip that veil apart, at least not for now.

“Am I making you nervous?”

Mick felt his hair rising in response to Toto’s almost hushed voice. He shook his head again, feeling inadequate and stupid at this wordlessness.

“Come on, Mick, cat got your tongue?”

From the dim light coming from the parted curtains, Mick could see that Toto was smiling, gently. He felt a wave of guilt again, for a different reason this time. Maybe he got all of these wrong. Maybe Toto was just an overly affectionate old man, worried about Mick and trying his best to make him feel at ease. Mick just had a dirty, disgusting mind. He must have been so arrogant, so full of himself that he thought a married man more than twice his age could be actually making advances on him. 

“N-no. Sorry.”

Mick felt Toto’s long long fingers running through his short hair, almost making him hiss at the sensation. He realised he was trembling when his body came in contact with Toto’s stable one. If first impressions mattered, this surely wasn’t a good one.

Toto’s hand travelled to Mick’s cheek, a bit rough with a hint of sparse stubble. Mick couldn’t help but wince at the touch, not being able to divert his eyes from Toto’s face despite the darkness. He felt like if he closed his eyes, Toto would swallow him whole. He shouldn’t have let Toto take him to the wine cellar. He most definitely shouldn’t have let him follow Mick back to his bedroom.

“Wake me up if you can’t sleep again. You might get lost if you wander alone.”

Taking this as a hint of Toto’s eventual goodbye, Mick nodded frantically. Toto’s face was still warmed with a fond smile but this fondness somehow couldn’t translate into a sense of ease in Mick. On the contrary, it just urged the young man to run and hide. 

Even when Toto left his room, Mick felt like he was still there. Not maybe physically, but his scent, his presence was still lingering in the now almost scarily dark room. So Mick decided to switch on his bedside lamp. He could never sleep with lights on but it was much better than waiting to be swallowed by the darkness.

Even though he was miles away from Toto and definitely safe with Sebastian, Mick was still feeling the touch on his hair and his cheek vividly. He knew he needed to debrief Sebastian and perhaps develop a strategy with these scary updates but he couldn’t bring himself to. The shame of just letting this incident happen almost from day one engulfed him. He just wanted to calm down and forget. 

He wasn’t able to shower at Toto’s house because somehow if he put himself in a vulnerable position like being naked, he thought Toto would just appear out of nowhere. He changed his clothes as quickly as possible and hoped no one noticed his lack of hygiene during the weekend. The only thing he wanted to do after arriving at Sebastian’s was to wash his body until he could no longer feel Toto’s breath on his neck.

Mick knew his silence and behaviour worried Sebastian but honestly, he knew what happened when he pushed himself to his emotional limits. If he was going to face Sebastian after all, he needed to digest everything first. 

The plausible deniability was making Mick feel like he was chasing a ghost. Maybe Sebastian would laugh at him and call him dramatic for even thinking of that possibility. How would Mick know? He was just a kid! Maybe it was just normal for your team principal to follow you to your bedroom. 

The boiling water coming from his ensuite shower burned his skin while he tried to calm his mind. Intuitively, he knew he wasn’t wrong in his assumption but it was all too embarrassing to come up to Sebastian with nonsense like that. What if he thought Mick was just being provocative and told him he was just trying to gain favours? Mick couldn’t live with himself with Sebastian’s disapproval on his back.

He stayed in the shower until his skin turned bright pink. He dried himself immediately and put on his clothes with the unfamiliar anxiety of being walked on. He knew Sebastian would never cross his boundaries and violate his privacy but the past weekend made him more paranoid than normal. 

When he returned to the living room, Sebastian was on the couch, reading a book. He was chewing on his fingers, something he only did when he was extremely anxious. Mick felt worse if a such thing was possible.

“I was getting worried. I was going to come to check on you if you didn’t emerge for the next fifteen minutes.”

“Sorry.”

Mick knew mumbling apologies while fiddling with the hem of his lounge shirt wasn’t the most reassuring look he could give to Sebastian but he couldn’t help.

“Something is up. What’s wrong?”

Mick didn’t look up. Instead, he sat at the corner of the couch Sebastian was occupying.

“Mick, you are worrying me.”

Mick pulled his legs to his chest. If he couldn’t count on Sebastian, even if he ended up judgemental or angry at him, what could he count on in his life? 

“I will tell you but you have to promise that you won’t be mad.”

#desecration: gr/tw fic #nsfw. #tw: graphic description of injuries #gr #tw #ms #sv #🚩

[nebulousneuroticism]

I knew that in the early afternoon today, I would need to get going and go to visit my mom, so I slept far longer than necessary, right up until I had to go.  I don’t know why I feel compelled to sleep all the way until whatever event I have planned happens; I would be so much more productive if I were willing to get up and do things regardless of future plans.  But I think the stress of knowing that I have something planned is too much for me, so I hide in bed until it is time.

So I got too much sleep.  I drove over to visit my mom, and we didn’t do anything special.  We went to the store, played a game, cooked some burgers for dinner, and I used her laundry facilities.  A nice enough night, but I wasn’t on my social game.  I was very quiet.  I feel bad about being so quiet; I know I’m not very good company when I’m like that.  It’s just how I am sometimes.

I left after dinner, and my mom loaded me up with a bunch of food and household supplies that she had bought over the course of her stay.  She’s leaving in just a couple days, so she won’t be using it anymore.  Then I drove home, put everything away, made the bed, and finally tried to relax for a few hours.

It’s pretty late now, and I feel... okay.  I’m feeling a little sad.  I’m sad because my sabbatical is ending, and I’m sad because I failed to be good company for my mom on one of her last nights here.  Just feeling kind of low tonight.

[indigo474]

~taking a deep dive~

In a lot of ways i feel like i am back where i started. How is that possible? It's really not. I'm not the same person i was when i started. But, here i am learning about myself and continuously taking a deep look at myself and my behavior. 5 years ago i was in a much different head space.. much different. anyway..this week i havent had a much time alone as i usually do. MAdison is just always there. I have my early morning before she gets home but even that time is interrupted. it's been an adjustment for me.. which is funny because i'm not the one working that shift. I woke up to an "i made us breakfast" text.. which is so sweet, i mean, i cant be angry about that. i did tell her i needed some alone time today which worked out good because she had to lay down.. an adjustment. the truth is i can always retreat into my room and shut my door. I had my yearly review. it went well. i thought my manager was fair. I was a little surprised at how is was actually conducted and my manager kept saying i usually dont do them this way... i'm not really sure why she would do my review differently than any other one. i am not well liked by the other supervisors..it's weird because as a lead an a rep i was well liked. "they" feel a certain way because of who my supervisor is.. apparently i am untouchable- i don't care- i did- but i don't anymore. i wouldn't be friends with any of them. i'm getting a new team member. I was approached on Monday and told the transition would happen sometime this week.. In the past, if i didnt hear anything, i would ask this person when we were going to have this meeting. I would pretty much push for the meeting and make this person settle on a time and date.. my anxiety needed to know when the meeting would take place.. this person likes to have long, late meetings and i just cant stay late because i have to workout. Also this person thinks we should all be staying after our shifts and get annoyed when he sees supervisors leaving at 5.. well, i didnt push for the meeting and it didnt happen. i hate that i work for a company where the upper management says things, but doesnt do them. how about just letting me know the meeting wasnt going to happen this week.

i saw a cute guy at the gym today. no ring. maybe i should start going to the gym. my music played at the gym, but wont when im outside. i lifted 205 with the hex bar- apparently that is easier than the straight bar. i had a killer arm workout.. ouch but in a good way. I had dinner with Marci- she tells me she just knows i will meet a good man- she absolutely knows it will happen.. so sweet... she doesnt say much about her man. i have yet to meet him and the few things she has told me well.. im starting to think maybe something... but then again i'm weird but also.. Marci is a little clueless when it comes to domestic abuse and narcissistic behavior.. which is weird because she's educated in mental health.. when they went on vacation together, he drove, and she said he scared her in the car. she only told me after i questioned her about the drive... she originally said the drive was horrible.. he kind of just came in and swept her off her feet.. maybe that happens? it was everything all at once and there wasnt even really a getting to know you period.. and he knew she was going away with me, we planned it well in advance.. the day were coming back he surprised her with tickets to some sort of show... he didnt ask her, he told her.. i got these tickets.. we were now on a timeline because he lives 2+ hrs away and she had to drive to him.. to me, it seemed odd. i would want to me asked if i wanted to go especially after being away for a few days.. it was also weird how all of a sudden she didn't want to go out dancing.. she planned the trip around us going to the club and at the last minute she didnt feel like going.. i wonder if he had something to do with that??? she also does not like to be alone... so, i worry about her and GOD i hope this guy is as great as he appears to be.. the car thing.. a total dick move..

i think i might be going to london. ive decided, i am going to be delusional... about my life. I am going to radically believe that everything my heart desires is on its way to me... everything.. i am in my winning season. Ohhh and i am officially officially obsessed with my ass.. it's been going on for a few months now.. but dam. My ass looks good.. i cant stop grabbing my own ass.. i am hoping to find someone who is as obsessed with my ass as i am..

Kika is my girl and i love her.

[nepheleai]

i: “I’ve been thinking about you all day.” 

She smiles distractedly, waving at her assistant as they pack up to leave for the night. It was a Friday and while everyone else moved with an urgency to start their weekend, she had other reasons to stay late. She taps away at her keyboard, trying to ignore the sound of steady footsteps headed toward her office. She measures her breath and pretends not to be phased by his presence at her open door.

“You’re working late again,” she finally speaks, realizing that he won’t interrupt her work. She looks up from her monitor and he’s got a sly grin on his face.

“Yes, well, my boss would be very upset if I didn’t get these reports in before I left the office,” his hands are full but he manages to pull a manilla folder from under his arm. It’s then that she takes note of the takeout bags he is holding with his other hand. She gestures for him to come closer and he strides forward, handing her the folder. It’s not necessary for her to check his work, he’s always been more than adequate at his job and she trusts him.

“Thank you. I appreciate all the extra time you’re putting in,” she replies with a tilt of her lips before tilting her head at the bag he is holding, “are you headed home now?”  

Suddenly flustered, he flicks his eyes at the ground before looking back up, almost as if he’s composing himself. “No, actually this is for us. We’ve been talking about having dinner together for a while now and you’ve been busy so…” He trails off and lifts the bag up with a shrug, “I thought I’d bring dinner to you.”

His feigned nonchalance is strangely endearing to her. She realizes that he had been steeling himself for rejection. Things between them hadn’t been the same since she had gotten her promotion, which put herself in a position of power over him. They had known each other for years and flirted heavily for a majority of their friendship. But it seemed like the risk of committing an HR violation drove a wedge between their budding relationship.

Rogue thoughts of dominating him float into her mind and she shoos them away. With a flimsy chuckle, she gestures to the seat across from her, “thank you, I actually didn’t realize how hungry I am. I haven’t eaten since noon.”

There is a look of concern that spreads across his face, frowning as he makes room on her cluttered desk. It’s a familiar look that brings back memories of their early years at the company. “I know this isn’t really my place to say it but,” he cuts himself off as he begins unpacking the feast he had brought. Shanghainese food- her favorite. She flashes him a gentle smile, knowing where this was probably going.

“But, you don’t have to work so hard to prove yourself anymore. There are so many people on your team who are willing to take on some of the work,” he grins at her and she can’t help but notice the fluttering in her tummy,  “You’re the boss, y’know?”

“I know…” she pauses, “I just- don’t know…” She can’t eloquently put her feelings into words. What doesn't she know?  How to give up control? How to trust the people around her to do the right thing? She smiles ruefully and shrugs.

As if sensing her discomfort, he returns her smile and shrugs too. “And that’s why you’re moving up in the company and I’ll always be a middle tier grunt worker,” he attempts to set the table so that they are sitting across from each other, the expensive oak desk feels like an ocean dividing them. Picking up her plastic plate and utensils, she walks around the desk and makes herself comfortable in the seat adjacent to his.

“It’s not that you don’t know what you’re doing or that you’re bad at your job-” she laughs because they’ve had this conversation many times before. He adjusts to her seat change, tilting his body toward her as he serves her a soup dumpling. “It’s because I refuse to sell my body and soul to corporate America,” he finishes the sentence for her, “and believe me, I’m happy with that.”

“Says the person who stayed just as late as his boss on a Friday night,” she teases before taking a bite of her dumpling.

“What can I say, I had ulterior motives,” his eyes flicker toward hers and there’s a flirtatious glimmer that sets off a warmth in her lower abdomen. It’s familiar and welcome. She crosses her legs unconsciously and the movement causes his gaze to trail her legs. It was a nice feeling- being served, being desired. She lets herself bask in it.

“You know,” she says after a moment of consideration, throwing caution to the wind, “I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

“You have?”

“Yeah. I knew you were going to stop by to drop off the reports. I waited all day for you.”

She doesn’t know why it’s taken her so long to accept his advances. Why she’s deciding to do it now that things are infinitely more complicated than when they were just coworkers- but she just does. His eyes are warm and his smile soft. So similar to the way he used to look when he used to stop by her cubicle with coffee just to check on her. She misses that look. She misses flirting with him in the break room. She misses their lunches. She misses their after-work happy hours. She missed her friend and perhaps she missed her opportunity to make him something more.

It’s as if he can see those thoughts flickering behind her eyes because he leans closer to her and offers his hand before stating firmly, “I’m here.”

Without hesitation, she slips her hand into his warm palm and her pulse begins to race. She looks at their joined hands and attempts to swallow down the knot of anxiety that forms in her throat. This was why she couldn’t accept his feelings. This didn’t feel right. The thought of how much trouble she was going to get into. No romance was worth losing a job she worked so hard for. There were so many people counting on her- she imagined the disappointment in her younger siblings’ faces. The image jars her from her thoughts and with reluctance, she attempts to drag her hand away from his.

As if sensing her reluctance, he shifts his thumb to gently hold her hand in place, allowing her to pull away if she still wanted to. She holds her breath, looking at him in confusion only to realize he is looking down at her hand in his. “Hey boss…” his eyes trail up her torso to meet hers, “I quit.”

Her eyes are wide and she struggles to collect herself. She tries to convince herself that surely he is joking. But his earnest smile and openness in his eyes prove otherwise. He seems … happy. Her mouth opens and shuts as she attempts to form cohesive words.

“You want to quit? What about this j-”

“I don’t need it.” The “it” in question being his job.

“What if-”

“I’ll find another job. I’m fairly likable.” An understatement.

She pauses, thoughts finally catching up to her and she asks a question she already knows the answer to: “for me?”

“Work stopped being fun when I lost you,” it seems like he has more to say so she nods her head encouragingly for him to continue, “I want you back in my life again and I want you to choose this too.” He squeezes her hand ever so gently, rubbing the top of her hand with his thumb. Reminding her what this is.

All her life she had known sacrifice. As the eldest daughter, she was expected to pave a perfect path for her siblings. Endless hours working, studying and working more. Pouring and pouring until her cup ran nearly empty. Sacrifice was almost second nature for her. But here he was. So willing to give up his job just to be with her.

The second part of what he said catches up to her belatedly. A choice. He’s offering her a choice. Although he is leaning slightly toward her in anticipation, his body language validates his intentions. With his gentle grip on her hand, he moves with slow and deliberate movements. He is giving her every opportunity to pull away and reject him. To make excuses. To say no. Here he is, risking his feelings, laying out his cards at her feet and with a choice. A choice that she refused to dawdle with any longer.

Finally, she surrenders. She leans forward, eyes fluttering shut as she closes the distance between their lips. She can feel him exhale as she presses closer to him, his lower lip slotting perfectly between hers. He guides her hand, still clasped in his, to his chest so that she can feel his heart thumping under her palm. Letting go of her hand, he trails his hand over the side of her neck to cup the side of her face. His touch feels almost reverent, like he’s trying to memorize the slope of her cheek. She smiles at the thought of that and when she can feel him smile back, she can’t help but let out a soft giggle.

Pulling away slightly to lean his forehead on hers, they both open their eyes and exchange almost identical expressions of mirth. “What are you laughing about, huh?” he questions her with a quirk in his smile.

“I’m just happy,” she responds, dragging her free hand over his torso and behind his neck with the intention of stealing another kiss. She feels him respond with a “me too” against her lips and she decides that is her new favorite thing. This is how she would like to take his words from now on.

#ssos #prompt i

[graveofm]

October 22, 2022

It’s been two weeks since we want back to Manila from La Union to stay by Daddy’s side. A lot had happened since then and I didn’t expect that I’d be this involved. I’ll summarized everything below:

October 7 - Jonas, Alfred, and I have decided to drive back to Manila to show emotional support to Daddy. We left La Union at around lunch time and arrived in Manila at around 7pm. The trip would have been shorter if we didn’t get lost for 2 hours. Jonas and I found ourselves exiting in Subic and we didn’t know why. To be fair, the view was really nice and the sunset was good. 

October 8 - Nanay visited Daddy. We drove to Retiro in hopes of attending a healing mass at 12pm. We arrived in an empty church. I went out to pee and found one of the church staff. I found out that the healing masses on Saturdays at Retiro are scheduled at 6am and 7am. The healing mass in Tagaytay is 12pm. Instead, we prayed. I prayed hard. I was trying my best not to cry, not even when we were walking towards the exit and daddy couldn’t take it anymore so he had to sit on the ground. Mind you, it was less than a 2-minute walk. 

October 9 - Sunday. What happened that Sunday? I can’t remember. All I know is Jonas and I went to pick up Tita Mended. That night, we also brought her home. It was so simple yet I can’t fathom why Baldo couldn’t do that for her -- even when Tita Mended would visit Paltok just to take care of Sofia. 

October 10 - I remember this day. I timed in hopes that I could work, but I couldn’t so I filed an emergency leave. My itinerary then was NKTI - Tita Mended’s house (sundo) - Market - Tita Mended’s house (hatid). Funny because amidst this adversity, Garry is still messaging me about things that I don’t give a shit about. I couldn’t care less about anything else except those that concerns daddy. 

October 11 - This is the time when daddy vomitted blood -- a lot. His stool is also black. I know it means that he has an internal bleeding. At 6PM, Jonas and I drove to PGH with them. It was at 9PM when Kuya Zeth advised us to proceed to the ER. Only two companions are allowed but as an overthinker, I stayed. Ninja style. I stayed until 8AM the next morning. I couldn’t believe that I’d have the strength (physically and mentally) to take care of daddy. Again, I tried my best not to cry. Even when I felt how thin he was that time, even when I saw him shaking because it was too cold, even when I wiped the tears on his cheeks because the medicine injected to him was too painful, even when I saw how uncomfortable he was, trying to sleep while sitting from 9pm up to the next morning. I left at 8AM because the guards are getting more strict. (P.S. I know those guards are just doing their jobs but I thought maybe they could lose the attitude? They are getting paid by OUR taxes and the least they could do is be nice.) 

October 12 - Did not get proper sleep. We had to pick up Mama Lenie at the airport. On the way to Paltok, I got reminded of how wonderful and brave she was when she was battling cancer. 

October 13 - Another sleepless and super tiring day. Daddy needed blood. I was thankful for Ate Imelda, Romel, Kuya Rico, and of course, my Jonas for willing to donate blood even on short notice. They were only informed last night but they were still okay with that. Ate Imelda, Romel, and Kuya Rico arrived there at 6am. Jonas and I arrived at 8am -- we got lucky that Jonas was able to secure the third to the last slot for the day. It wasn’t a good day because they all got hungry, got rained on, got home late. We were able to drive them home at around 8pm. Our lunch dinner was at around 4PM at Mang Inasal. Again, I am super thankful to them. We were able to complete the required bags in just a day all because of them.

October 14 - This was supposed to be my rest day. But Paopao was too makulit. Baldo is really selfish. He borrowed Jonas’ car and said that he’d be back early. He came back at around 5pm. In short, I wasn’t able to help in the hospital because of him. We were able to meet Ava, too. She’s a small kid but it looks like she has a big heart. Too early to say. 

October 15 - 16 - I still can’t remember what happened here. One thing to note, Summer died. I hope she brought Daddy’s illness with her. 

October 17 - 21 - Went back to work. I’m annoyed with everyone in RT except for Pat, Roy, and Dom. Having two jobs, I can’t help but compare the two. In RT, I can’t really feel the sympathy from them except for Roy and Pat. I don’t know why but I feel like Garry is expecting that things would get back to normal. This is one of the many reasons why I can’t really see RT as a place I’d love to stay at. Unlike in Reveel, I can feel the sympathy from Ailene. She’s really curious about what happened and expressed that the team is willing to help in any way possible. Hay. Avoiding the bad vibes so anyway, during the week, PGH have decided to do another biopsy to daddy. Doctors can’t rule out the result. Some are saying that he has cancer, some say that he’s negative. I am still praying that it’s not cancer. I hope Summer was able to save him from that illness.

Then back to the present. Daddy and Mama was supposed to go home but they were still processing the documents. If it were for me, I’d really like them to stay in the hospital while waiting for the biopsy. I just can’t figure why Daddy is too eager to go home when there’s nothing he can do there. Is it because of Baldo, that selfish bastard? I don’t know. 

[katesaidwhat]

The Wrecks are an amazing band. 

These live stream concerts have just been awesome. They are just what we need in this fucked up world.

Right now Nick’s brother (or roomate? or both I am not 100% sure) is entertaining us on MS Paint while waiting for the band to start the after party. This is quality content.

#kate watches a concert #the wrecks #we are the wrecks #God I love this #I am not used to staying up this late anymore and had an early dinner now I am hungry fml #personal rant type object