#I am once again having A Mood

[dailydegurechaff]

You don't have to reply to this, but I am very happy to stumble across a non-problematic Youjo Senki fanpage. 💖

Thank you very much!! I'll continue to do my best!

#ask #anonymous #not a daily post #“ask sent 3 months ago” oops #sorry again ;; #im cleaning up inbox ok. or trying to #this is the last one tho i just. needed to express how much everyone being very kind means to me #confession: sometimes i kinda resent this blog for no good reason. its kinda tragic #suffice to say i regret taking on this project sometimes and i get in these downer ass moods #but like. i remember there are people who do actually like the silly time im having here #and it makes me feel better. so i need to express that. thank you. to the people who sent messages to me but also just like everyone lol #if these tags read as kinda corny im sorry but i just am in one of those sappy moods yknow and i need to share it #sorry i love u all. as if its my fault </3 /j #anyway see u all tmrw for dailydegu once more. itll be the last day of huevember!! #it uh. might be late bc im tired

[catominor]

i did make a . playlist because im mad i dont have time to finish my senator rpf right now tbh

#again. 6000 words to write by thursday... #i might make some adjustments to it btw. these are simply my initial thoughts. feel free to suggest additions #its not so much that i dont have Time to write (i can do it once i go home from the library &am done work on my uni stuff for the day) its #that i need like. brain working memory..? & i dont have enough time or capacity to think or get into a writing mood...

[vaniliens]

I keep forgetting about how people actually use pronouns for me instead of just referring to me by name. Like sometimes id get she/her'd or they/them'd and it always feels so trippy because i have never been called that in my head!!!! Its always just been 'Dude' 'You' 'Man' 'Me' 'Girl' and 'He' but idk. I feel like id get tripped out if i start going by he/him too.

#If you're wondering what pronouns to use for me; Um. I unno. Do whatever. #this isn't a huge deal or anything im just not used to being noticed #Unless its by maprron hi maprron <333 Sorry i havent been active much 😭 #nillas #i feel like id be DOUBLY confused if i get he/himd because ive only seen someone do it once but that was years ago 💔 #Like with She/Her id understand because i am a girl. thing . and my profile picture and stuff are usually girls (See: My Blog.) #and with they/them id also get it because youre probably just not sure about my pronouns or smth #he/him... yeah.... but id be flattered depending on the mood and if i remember I have pronouns that day #Idk!!! Why is this so confusing !!! I NEED IRON IN MY BLOOD!!! #ok wait honestly. I get weirded out about my name too. But again i think its just because im not used to attention. #i used to let people call me my real name online but the Nia and Vanillas was more popular also it feels weird now #you dont know me irl!!! #thats a name exclusively used for irl contexts!!!! Not online!!!!! #also someone called me 'Menzu' once back when i was still masquerading as Menzu_kosui on Insta shsvhsvjs #IT CAUGHT ME SO OFF GUARD LIKE I KNOWWW I DIDN'T HAVE ANY OTHER NAMES THERE BUT ITS JUST A FANCIER WAY #OF SAYING ''MENS'' AND I GOT SO CONFUSED!! I love that person though I get it 😭 ty for that it stunned me but i Laugh #about it everytime it crosses my mind

[hanarchy]

listen. people can disagree but they would be WRONG. i dont give a FUCK if jisung is the one with the most parts in skz songs in general. he deserves to be. there.

if this new title song is rap heavy (which seems likely from the producers) AND has a rock version… he doubly deserves it.

#girl idek what the tone/mood of this post is #hes just good. and hes so fucking versatile its fucking crazy #like im so dead serious. i would say abt a third of the reason skz is able to do all these genres #is him and his confidence to do all of them #the abundant joy 3racha exudes when experimenting #is in no small part bc they KNOW they have the skills necessary even in just him #i am once again NOT saying the other dont bring anything to the table #just like. jisung.

[dullahandyke]

i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard

#right now its danganronpa again grin. did u know ive been into it on and off for lets say 7 years at this point #and ive never once played it myself. i have it installed on this laptop ready to go and i just! never open it! #because if Im the one playing it then i have to pay attention and i get scared #but if im watching a lets player i just naturally pay attention without the pressure #ive talked before how i always feel i need to have the smart cool takes on shit #n this deep plays into that #idk boti was good for me bcos nobody fucking knew what it was so nobody could judge me for pardoning anotsu's crimes bcos he was hot #so i probs need to do that again #yknow a thing where i disconnect from anything that anyone knows about and get really really into some dipshit manga from 2008 #but also like. i get a lot of my media recs from people talking abt what they like #which then means i defacto have someone who is gonna know if my takes are shit #and like even now. im watching mop cycle w dri and im having fun w it #but i feel bad bcos i see so many ppl like This Is The Best Anime Ever and i just like. dont get it #like i can actively feel the messages and shit whooshing over my head #its a fine anime! i'm having fun watching it! but i don't get all the commentary abt pacifism or whatever #idk. something something my need to be The Smart Kid The Bookworm Kid that went unchecked too long without peers to challenge me #so now im here like Uh Oh #and like this wouldnt be the end of the world (save for its impact on my mood n stuff) #but also like. i am an english student. i should know this shit. but i stragiht up do not feel smart enough to sometimes #i keep coasting by on the assumption that im a smart kid and i'll automatically be better than my peers #and im being disproven #i got an english exam back tonight and i got like 63% #and i like college! i just dont like. college. #anywho its approaching 3am and i have a 9am tomorrow morning which means bedtime

[ferdydurke]

I say this often but its crazy how much of a vortex depression is.

#I dont feel like... safe or particularly fulfilled rn and i have major major mood swings at least once a week but its not like. #Bleak as fuck. I think the language of 'the world is without colour' never does it for me bc thats how id describe it when im out of it #but when im depressed my main feeling is that i am a person that was born without a soul whose main purpose in life is to kill myself #because i cant bear to do or think anything else. And like even talking about it while in that mental state feels incredibely like. #Like youre doing something disgusting because its a cry for attention or for help so you have to put it in a way that makes it clear that #you are not trying to escape your destiny by trying to convince someone you are worthy of living. #And then like. At some point you stop feeling like that and you forget about it... #until youre there again. and you forget what its like to not be in it. its crazyyyy to me its just crazy #barking #ultimately im very lucky. #Because i really dont believe you can just will yourself out of that hole i really think the enviroment is like 99% of it #and well i will prolly end up in that hole again maybe even this year. but maybe ill have something to pull me out #some ability to change the thing thats making me feel like that #and idk its so like. awful that that isnt always the case. sometimes youre just drowning in it and theres nothing #just my late night thoughts thats why i need that weed bad man

[mistress-light]

Gifset idea: Cinta, visiting Thalia’s grave.

#i am sooo in a angsty mood oooh boy #anyways wanna do this once i get my hands back on pc #hope the mod still works #mistress plays forspoken #forspoken #forspoken spoilers #thalia solarius #i mean she def would have visited her grave again #after getting pregnant with Frey #cinta: i’ve not lost hope thalia #or better: i’ve found hope

[chloeseyeliner]

i love you, girl who lets me ramble on and on about lgbtq+ history during long breaks and asks questions on different topics because you want to expand your knowledge on the community. i love you.

#i was so distant from her last year #because i was so confused about whether she liked me or not #but like there was a turning point in our friendship this december #and like. i love her. #i'll never tell her that #because i am a dumbass who doesn't express her love to anyone but her best friend #(who expressed it for years before i was able to and waited for me) #sorry for the one hundred tags once again #i felt important today #so here's a post #fuck you anxiety #(and little depressive mood i have had for the past few weeks)

[coockie8]

''like I've definitely slept with him just to get him to leave me tf alone for a few days''

isnt that like super toxic tho?????

Oh absolutely. But this is also the guy who drives around in a BMW but once made me pay half a luxury hotel fee while I make $0.25 above minimum wage. Same guy also repeatedly tried to get back in contact with me for over a year after he was told to never contact me again. He also once pretended to be a stranger texting a wrong number to try to manipulate me into getting back in contact with him.

He, to this day, doesn't understand the issue with any of this, and I don't have the energy to walk an almost 30-year-old man, who is actively training to be a cop (🤢 I know), through really basic concepts.

I'm only currently back in contact with him because he's paying me back for that hotel, and I just don't have the energy to keep avoiding him right now.

#am I being toxic here? #yeah probably but this guy also stalked me for a year and a half #so I think I've earned it just a little bit #believe me once I have all my money back I'm gonna become *way* less lenient with his bullshit #but also he's given me like one payment so far #and things keep conveniently cropping up so he can avoid paying me the second payment every time he says he's gonna #if something crops up again in two weeks when he said he's gonna pay me #I'm gonna tell him to forget about it #and I think it would be best if we went our separate ways #'cause I'm not in the mood to be taken advantage of #I'm fucking grieving

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

so i had a couple ocs as a kid (made for a story that i never wrote a lot for) and i haven’t drawn any of them since i was like. 14. so it’s been a hot minute but anyway i realized the other day that out of the 5 main cast i have gotten 3 of their haircuts. i remember vaguely thinking that one character always seemed to have the haircut i wanted and i had that haircut for years but recently i got rid of that haircut and had another one’s haircut then i changed it a bit and dyed it and now i have another one’s. so i’m like man 12 year old me had great taste in haircuts. i should go down the list and do them all

#sometimes i think i should redraw the characters but then i’d want to redevelop their story bc it’s not to my taste atm and that’s a #lot of effort but i might do it anyway who knows #but i’d have to open my box that deals psychic damage (the sketchbooks in there are so soaked with alcohol that opening the box #makes me nauseous lmao) for refs. hmmmm. i dunno #the characters don’t really speak to me anymore their whole dynamics and designs aren’t to my taste i’d have to *really* re-do #everything but hm. maybe #though perhaps i should just start from scratch. i wouldn’t mind having ocs again. idk #also on unrelated news i have purchases 4lbs of baking soda to mix with my acrylic paints i want to see what kinda texture i can #get out of it because i! am! in! the! mood! to! paint! #but unforch i have to sleep? taking away my valuable painting time? ridiculous but i think i’m going to legit pass out at some point #i’ve been getting real tired of sleeping #well. i love sleeping but i feel like it’s wasting all my time because i always seem to sleep 10-16 hours a night which is ridiculous #that’s so much time i’m wasting i have shit to do man so i’ve been staying up 24-34ish hours once every week or so to make up for lost #time but still i feel like i am making this all worse because now i can’t even fall asleep + it’s been messing w my mood but i don’t #know how to fix it #anyway that was way off topic goodnight i think i’m going to bed now bye

[kimmkitsuragi]

im gonna be honest ive been listening to shit like this going they dont make music like this anymore

#once again i am truly at a very strange time in my life #i have absolutely 0 classical music knowledge btw #i just go into moods where my brain wont want to listen to anything but that or lofi lmao #mp3 #🗒 #Spotify

[aroace-cat-lady]

Dude I'm tired of making guy friends that end up having a crush on me just fucking tired.

#because i like nice people. im a sucker for nice people. unapologetically nice and wise and warm people. #people i feel safe enough with i don't have to hide how fucking nuts i am #and every time i befriend a guy he's obviously unapologetically nice cuz thats my kind of person!!! #and every single time i have to put some space because the guy ends up with a crush!!! #like it happens so often its not even funny #I've said it once and I'll say it again #i just want to meet some nice guy that makes me laugh #oh shit aroace bitter mood we meet again

[stelllllaw]

Currently violently crying throwing up because on Monday I start school again and I'm going to be all alone because I'm going to a completely new school because of my A-levels and all of my friends go to a different school and I don't know anybody at all.

I finished my O-level 2 months ago and was super happy and shit not a care in the world but today it hit me that I'll never ever be in the same class as my friend

#sobbing violently #crying violently #screaming crying throwing up #lewis capaldi once again supports my mood #also hozier #i cant do this #i think this a panic attack speaking and I am going to be very embarrassed to have said this

[dormiloncito]

watching kill bill because i randomly remembered there was one scene that scared me as a kid

#i have never watched these movies #i just remember me channel surfing and coming accross a channel that almost alway had kill bill on for some reason lmfao #and there was this anime like scene and idk kids are scared of dumb things often so i thought wtf!!!! scary!!!! #so now i am watching it to see what it was all about #if it even was a kill bill scene- #hm #anyway yea once again i am in a movie watching mood i may actually watch the hobbit and whatnot. er. someday. jesus they're 3hrs long

[courfee]

Tagged by: @delicris to search my name + core on pinterest and make a moodboard! thank you love <33

no pressure tagging @messrsage @perfect-snaccccccc @ye-olde-trojan-horse @liastaylors because i feel like expecially you guys would be a whole lot better at this aesthetic thing than i am

#reblogging super long tag chain posts to add mine stresses me out too much so im once again starting a new one #this was fun because i did this a couple days ago for tiktok #so (except for the oranges and the graveyward) these are all from the first 10 search results because that was the prompt there hehe #tagged #i actually love it cause after the first 10 pictures theres a bunch of very slutty but in a pathetic way looking dudes #which is very much the goal #i am insanely bad at making things look aesthetically pleasing tho #like i could have made it more aestehtic but then it would have felt very not genuine #and also i would have had to leave out the middle picture which is arguably the most mood (and this IS a mood board)

[daenerys-targaryen]

damn I forgot what the feeling of being left out was like during non tour albums 🤩

#leah rambles #basically I’m spiraling rn #I just wish I were more. #being happy for those who are getting noticed -> feeling bittersweet cause it’s not you #jealousy is a human emotion and I’m not ashamed to admit that I do have it sometimes #but also I’ve known this feeling since 2014 so. word. #and it’s not even about Taylor either it’s just like the fandom as a whole too #cause I’ve also felt this @ st fandom on twitter too #and I know I shouldn’t base my self image off of strangers #but get this: I always have and always will 🤪😞 #like if I were smarter or prettier or wealthier or more creative maybe I’d like.. make more friends? #phew the self loathing tonight is very strong #anyways #I once again am re thinking being on social media except tumblr. #this shit is not good for my mental health. #my fear of not being good enough is like AMPLIFIED on every other social media except here #it’s ridiculous. #anyways um. hehe. #I feel like that Tik tok of the person who said ‘watch me organize my anti psychotics’ #because I am trying to get off my mood stabilizers. and hm. I am… most certainly.. not stable atm. #okay bye I’ll stop rambling if you made it this far here is a snack and a flower 🍿🌸 #bye again.