#I am so looking forward to an actual 8 hours of SLEEP

[kanmom51]

JK Live 4 October 2023

21:01 or 9:01 pm KST

cr./To all the creators of the media used in this post.

I was waiting for this, and kind of expecting this to happen, lol.

He said he'd be live at 9 pm. And yes, you can say, it's unintentional, a coincidence, but I say NO.

Both JK and JM have shown us over the years their attention to the numbers, the dates.

Starting the live at 9:01 was intentional.

9/1 or 1/9, however you look at it!!

Let's talk about the live, why don't we?

It was definitley an interesting one.

In a gist, JK shut down (well tried to) the whole Mingyu shipping shit. He most definitley shut down TKKs. I actually kinda, maybe (not really), felt sorry for them.

He listened to all the members songs, with certain degrees of favouritism and certain degrees of, well, not...

He drank. Like a lot. I think maybe someone needs to fill him in on the secret that alcohol does have calories. Yes, whiskey might not be as bad as beer on that front, but drinking as much and then not eating cause he's dieting... well, not the healthiest choice. And this is not, god forbid, me mothering or smothering him. His health is important for his performance (he says that himself), not to mention, man is constantly hungry. Eat more, is what I'm saying.

He once again demonstrated his neuro-divergency (that whole clean up session he had in the kitchen, lol).

He showed us, again that's it's all about choices.

He got pensive and serious at a point and said some very important things, which I will, of course, discuss here in my post.

He is super tired, but really struggling to sleep.

He is fighting so hard to drop the cute image, but man, it's just imbedded in him. He is so cute!!!

And he is so genuine.

He is genuine.

Let us begin our journey into JK's almost 1.5 hour live (yep, we are back to those, lol).

He starts out telling us he just got home from the company, and that he hasn't even prepared his glass (of drink) - kind of solidifies my belief that the 9:01 pm starting time was meaningful and intentional, because then he goes and prepares his glass and drink.

He invited us to have drinks with him, so as he's preparing his own drink he tells us to fill up our glasses as well, lol. Throughout the live he has 3 highballs, and by the end of the live admits he's kind of drunk. Which is not that surprising given he is drinking on an empty stomach (as high as his tolerance to alcohol may be).

He explains he came on Weverse on the 4th and not earlier because of his solo album announcement. Golden. Makes a toast with us to celebrate it. And he talks a little about it as well.

He tells us how Golden represented him after debut. We know him as the Golden maknae, he mentions I think GC (which for some reason they translate as golden chest and not golden closet, maybe because whoever is translating isn't aware of golden closet, who knows...), how he wrote a poem called Golden (the one JM went all gushy about, if you recall), And also "this moment is like a golden period for me." - Golden hour perhaps? Kind of fits with his choice of lighting for the live as well. Just saying.

And there you have it!!!

And after seeing this, go back and take another look at his concept photo...

The album includes 3D and the clean and explicit versions of Seven. 11 songs on it, which means we will get to hear 8 new songs!!!

He also explains how he thought he would release an ep and somehow it became a full album.

He didn't give too much info (well, he couldn't of course), but told us the title track has a performance and he's practicing, like A LOT. He wants to do well and is giving it his best. He also lets us know that the title song is a hard one and will be awesome!! I do hope this one is not a collab though (just my own wishes here). He is confident we will like it, and says we can look forward to it. I know I am.

He's complaining about how his body isn't the same, he's exhausted. Well JK my man, you wanted to be a adult, and us adults, we grow old too, lol...

He says "there is nothing that is making me stressed out, I am just tired." Now, that could be meant about the album being released, or the performance he's preparing for. But it could also be more...

He says he's keeping his voice down and wanted to be calm and have "older bro vibe", lol.

He wants to go with older bro vibe. Appear to be more mature? Since his full album is coming out?

Ok, so I'm going to say this here. The translation is somewhat off and wacky. I felt this with JM's live on 1st September with some of it, and I feel the same here as well. The whole golden chest thing, the "I'm keeping the weight down" when he's talking about the older bro vibe, and more... It feels like a. whoever is doing this doesn't know JK too much (the golden chest is a big clue), and b. are they just translating literally and not the actual sentence meaning?

JK shares with us how tired he is, how he's still having trouble sleeping, that he practiced real hard today and that his upcoming schedule is hellish. I can only imagine. He's really worried, "will I be good at this?"

Now, let's stop here for a second shall we? Didn't he just minutes before tell us he's not stressed out? So, perhaps that wasn't about the album and promotions at all? Perhaps that was more about the white noise shitshow that was going on in the background? Telling us that isn't bothering him, all while now sharing with us that what he is worried about is if he'll be good enough, do well enough with his performances?

He shows us he got an IV today, needs to replenish himself, yet he hasn't eaten. "I have to take care of my body too". Yes he does. But at the same time he says he has to lose weight. It kind of frustrates me, but then again, this is their reality, as idols. I just wish there would be less pressure on them in that aspect.

He reads a comment telling him to do well, says he will.

And then this:

Ok, so thing is, please raise your hand if you actually do believe the commenter was asking JK if he loves Taehyun of TXT.

No show of hands I see.

Lmao.

Nah, when this happened I didn't have the comments on and in any case wouldn't have been able to read them, not knowing Korean. But I kind of felt like maybe whoever wrote it wasn't Karmy and misspelled it perhaps? And then I saw this.

So here's the thing. If this was a misspell, makes sense that JK was maybe blissfully unaware of the intent of the comment.

But if this was indeed spelled out correctly, I kind of have my doubts he didn't read it right, especially given he says it twice before answering. And he's off telling us about TXT Taehyun. Whom he spoke with on the phone that day. He's so well mannered and cute, while being an old soul. Ok, here we go with another Taekook ship, lol. JK spoke to someone - must be something going on there. No wonder the man is so damn tired... Seven days a week seven sets of sheets... (eww... NOOOOOOO). No, but seriously, did we know that Taehyun was a good friend of JK's? No we didn't. Now we do.

Not seeing it doesn't mean it's not there!!!

It's funny how JK runs himself down constantly. Like the man is so intelligent. Perhaps not book smart (which is why he keeps saying he's not smart), but not everything about life is learnt from a book, and his emotional intelligence and artistic intelligence are next level. But he keeps running himself down, and I kind of feel that sometimes fans only hear or see that of him, instead of seeing his art and listen to what actually comes out of his mouth when he starts speaking about the deeper things.

Again, the "I'm Jungkook's girlfriend" comments. Ugh yuck. Like shut the fuck up already. But he just brushes it off. Reads it, asks what they are doing at this hour and snickers.

Comment "I really love you a lot". JK "I think I love you more". This is once again JK cementing just how great his love for army is. He will talk about it more later too.

Look, man loves army. We can't even start to understand the connection he has with army, given his whole career, starting out at such an early age and going through all the struggles that they went through to get where they are right now, feeling that it's because this sense of loyalty and love that army have for them. So yes, he loves army.

And another idiot in the comments asking JK to take off his shirt. Of course these people are flooding his comments. Funny how his reaction is:

Yes he giggles, but he's uncomfortable. And asks why they even said that. "It's embarrassing".

Happy that he called them out. As if it will help though.

JK shows us his Vogue magazine, the hip hop concept, which he says he liked the most.

Ok, so this was maybe intentional (I kinda feel it was), maybe not, but cute none the less.

He talks about how the comments are lagging, slow, and says:

and then he thinks for a second, eyes looking to the side (mind working), and goes:

Kind of random, don't you think?

Coming up with the 13 seconds lagging.

And happening to end up with 10-13. 🤣🤣

So, he started the live at 9-1 and now we have 10-13!!!

I'd say, either this was intentional (him stopping to think might just hint to that) or the man has 13 etched on his brain. 13 and 10, which is kind of coming up very soon...

Next JK talks about the TikTok he deleted.

Now here's the thing. On Stationhead JK said he saw the trend and wanted to do it. Not a word about doing the opposite of the trend. Going "the other way". JK isn't saying he didn't want us to see the clip he uploaded (which kind of might have been what was understood from what he said in Stationhead, and maybe that's why he's clarifying here). He says he wanted his TikTok to be for dancing and that's why he deleted. He also seems to be happy that army had seen it and spread it around regardless of him deleting. So, he wanted us to see it, but better it not be on his TikTok. And the thing is that he posted it to start with. He knew that army will catch it and spread it. He knew!!! And he wanted us to. I don't know how to articulate this properly to make my point clearly, but the whole thing screams Queer coding to me. I talked about it in a previous post, and I stand by my words.

This wasn't about doing something silly and then regretting and deleting. This was about posting something with a message, and then deleting because it couldn't stay up on his account ("as long as it's not on my tiktok"), but relying on army to catch it and spread it around.

"Let's talk in English", reading out a comment...

The Nah, though, lol.

"English is so difficult", he says in English, lol.

Talks about how the comments are slow and the responses in Stationhead were immediate, and then, out of nowhere he's going...

Puiriri...

Well, he actually does this during Like crazy as well.

Nope, not JM on the brain what so ever...

"Korean is sexy"...him going with that's right, Korean is the hardest language... He actually talks about how the translations from English to Korean differ from translator to translator and how interesting that is. True about the opposite way as well, seeing the difference in the structures of both languages.

"You want to see me laugh?"

Funny, the original translations were "smile if you're real". Either way, he's hilarious.

I can't with him. LMAO.

Prepares drink no. 2.

Again, this man doesn't want to be called cute, but he's so damn cute, lol. Like how can you be preparing this alcoholic drink and still be so cute about it? Lol.

No tequila or champagne for JK.

"You want to have a drink with me?"

JK: You already all know it.

Why does it feel like JK is talking about so much more than just knowing his address is up on YT?

"You want me to call out my address? But you really can't visit me." Boundaries set once again. With a smile. But set none the less.

Plays a song he tells us he was recommended by one of the dancers while filming 3D MV. 21 by Gracie Abrams.

Says we'll be like this today "let's rest". How you can call what he does later as rest I have no idea, lol.

He shows us where he shot the TikTok clips, the corridor. Shows and explains a little how he does it.

Does a little clean up sesh in the kitchen. The way he was rearranging the bottles and utensils, while on live, was that intentional? Was it just his neuro divergency, getting distracted perhaps? Idk.

Asked if he ate, asks "what will I eat?" in English and tries to say something else or thinks maybe he didn't say it properly initially, but gives up, lol.

Then someone askes to hear Hobi's song. And JK is happy to go put on Jhope's song, saying he misses him. 😭

Says "Arson", twice, but then plays "More", lol.

Ok, so this is where we start with listening to the members songs, and I do have something to say about this.

JK plays 2 of Hobi's songs, and puts on a show.

If this is JK resting... Lol.

Sure he's tired...

After Hobi, JK plays Tae's Slow dancing.

Then stops the song, sits down saying how tiring have to rest and then says "Let's go with all the major songs for the members".

And guess who's next... one guess allowed... Of course you know the answer to that.

He has Like crazy playing twice in a row and then SMF pt. 2. He really LOVES SMF pt. 2. You can tell it means A LOT to him. Not that LC doesn't, but I feel that emotionally LC is harder for him, while SMF pt. 2 is cathartic (for JM and as such so meaningful to him as well).

He's all playful with LC.

We have this as well...

And at some point wants to do something, walks off camera looking for a prop, I guess, only to come back deciding it's a no go - won't be fun (me sitting here dying to know what he was up to).

The whole bottle empty during LC.

He moves on to Jin, 1 and a half songs, RM (3 songs) and Suga (2 songs).

Point being, the only member that gets only 1 song played is Tae. Ouch. The only member to have the same song played twice - JM.

So, let's talk a second about the whole Like crazy playing twice. Cause Idk if you get it. He listens to Hobi and then Tae's Slow dancing, then says "we have to listen to all the members", cause he ain't falling into the TKK trap, and he plays JM. Cause, of course it would be JM. But here's the thing. Each one of them was on a specific playlist. When he played a song it continued to the next song in line. Hobi he said Arson, but actually played More (which was interesting within itself), and then it went to On the streets. RM same, went down through his album, Suga the same. But not JM. He played Like crazy, and then following it, him not moving from his chair or changing the songs or going to play it again, it played it again. Same version. In the album Like crazy is followed by SMF pt. 2 (which did follow the second time LC played, and he did listen through that too). So my question is what kind of playlist JK has for JM? Does he just have these songs going on repeat? He gets up to stop it just at the end of SMF pt. 2, and I can't help but wonder what the next song would have been? SMF pt. 2 again maybe?

Of course he still remembers the choreo.

He talks about Jin and Super Tuna, how he's wild and that side of him is why the team is so bright. He really loves him so, and misses him.

"I miss my members".

Prepares drink no. 3.

The whole ceremony around the drink preparations... he's so funny.

He makes a comment about Jin's MV while looking towards where his whole music playing set up is. So, this is YT he's playing from? Which means these would be YT playlists? Which means he watches LC on repeat? I mean, who could blame him really?

Gets up to change the playlist to RM's songs.

While Flowerworks is playing he reads a comment and says:

"Did Mingyu cut his hair?"

Now, we know they saw each other later that night, getting together with others as well, but JK once again draws the lines here. He's a good friend definitley. Someone he hangs out with, of course. But knowing if he cut his hair... meaning being in constant contact with him or more than that, as there are some that might think... nope.

Ok, time to get serious.

He starts to talk about the members songs, their "colours are so different", and then he's asked after resuming activities in 2025 what he wants all the members to do together? Turns down the music a bit to get serious:

Make an album, quickly come out to see army, first priority of course. From the moment they get back together to find the way to come out as quickly as possible. "We will do Bon voyage...we will do In the soop..."

Stops, gets up to turn down the volume even more, and this is when you know he's delving even deeper, and getting even more serious. Sits down and continues...

Ok, I'm really not sure this is about the solo activities. He talks about that further on. I thought this when I first heard this during the live, and although the wording is slightly different I still think this is JK is sending us a message. They love us, they love each other. They will be coming back and they will be giving it their all. But that said, they will also have their own personal lives. Setting the stage, perhaps? For relationship announcements? Marriages on the way? He told us that he wants to make us happy, but to do so we have to understand that he deserves happiness as well. Is this one step further in that direction? yes their focus is on army, but with all of that they will also have their own personal paths.

He continues about them wanting to "look awesome" in front of us, or want to give us strength,

He knows what his top priority is, and he hopes we know that we are the reason. For real.

He continues to talk about coming back in 2025, releasing a song, saying it will be approx. 2 years.

They mustn't forget there are those rooting for BTS. Train, release an album, tour.

They will have to meet army around the world.

This is interesting:

They will reveal by doing shootings and "let your ears get pleased and let you watch our shows". Stories

"BTS is this kind of team". That is what they will show.

And what members each want to do, they can do that later. Him making clear that their first priority is the comeback as BTS.

Number one priority is about the group, and he makes sure we understand that this is not only him speaking but also true for every single one of them.

Again, army's importance to him. This isn't acting or being false or fake, this is genuinely what he feels. When said in a comment that army are because of BTS he corrects them, sets things straight: BTS are here because of army!!

And then this happens:

"Jeon Jimin?" he reads out a comment.

Now, I understand people think it's disrespectful because of the meaning it has in the West but the fact that in Korea people don't change their names after marriage. Thing is, Karmy nor JK, for that matter, really find it offensive? He doesn't even take it that way. To him it's someone putting their two names together, I'd say just like Jikook or minkook or kookmin. Nothing more nothing less. And he chooses to read it out. He could have just left it, but he decided to read the comment out.

This is when he remembers he has to play Suga's songs too, lol. Playing Haegeum.

"How can all the member have such different tastes in music? Isn't that fascinating?"

I love it that he feels that way. I love it that he knows how talented he is (especially knowing how he runs himself down intellectually). I love that he knows and appreciates the rest of the members talent as well. They are all different, and yet all outstanding each in their own way.

And not only does he see that in them, he also attributes his own growth as a person to them.

JK tells us how Yoongi told him off for not doing the Haegeum dance challenge, repeats it a couple of times too, how he was upset about it, lol. So he says he will do it. A little late, no? And he makes sure to make it clear that it won't be soon either. But it will go up on his TikTok.

Toilet break time.

Comes back, finishes up his drink and stops Amygdala to play Seven and 3D before he ends his live.

So, he chooses the explicit version of Seven. Sings along. Admits he's a little drunk and for now will stop drinking. Emphasis on "for now", lol.

Now, while he's playing Seven someone asks for him to play Slow dancing.

Once is enough, thank you very much!! Lmao. He just keeps shutting them down. It's also the way he says it, the intonation. Sound annoyed, lol.

Says he'll play 3D and say his goodbyes, which he does. Sings along to 3D as well, ad-libbing at the end, kind of wondering if this is something we will be getting in his live performances. It does feel like he chooses to sing certain lyrics while not others, in both Seven and 3D.

Then he says his goodbyes, to look forward to the album, to know that he is always thinking of us, to have a wonderful night and day and thanks us again .

So that's it. JK's live. Missed these lives of his, as exhausting as writing these posts are, lol. This is Jungkook. Cute and funny and serious and sincere.

#Jungkook #JK #JK live #Jikook #Kookmin #Minkook #Jimin #JM #Youtube

[prettieinpink]

IMPROVING YOUR LIFE ASPECTS: THE LITTLE HABITS

Hello girlies and genitals, I am aware that my posts haven’t been up to my standard lately but thank you so much for 220+ followers. I’m so grateful for each and every one of you to be apart of this blog and I wish for us to grow into the best versions of ourselves.

Today, I have something special to celebrate: a collaboration with everyone’s favourite, honey! ( @honeytonedhottie )Thank you honey for this idea of a collab, which has been so fun talking and it’s been a pleasure working with you, I hope we do another one in the future. If you haven’t already, go and follow honey(the best decision trust)!

her part of this collab is here ! go read it and follow her yall

GENERAL

habits that are uncategorised or improve multiple aspects of your life <3

Prioritising yourself. Put yourself over anyone else, even if it effects them. I know it’s harsh, but put on your oxygen mask before helping others.

Establishing routines in your daily life. Morning, evening, study, workout etc, we humans thrive on routines.

Start implementing small things to look forward to during the day. Whether it’s drinking a hot beverage before bed, or going out on a walk in the sun, just having these things makes it easier for us to get through the day.

Curate your social media, ensure what you are feeding your mind is nourishing it, not destroying it. + avoid any mental clutter from your feed

Saying positive affirmations to yourself before the day! It’s an nice way to pump yourself up.

Set boundaries. Not only with others, but yourself. Don’t allow yourself to sleep late constantly or have over 8 hours of screen time.

Learn how to say no. Saying no is now considered a powerful tool for someone to have because we then allow the things we do want to come in our lives and guard ourselves from things we don’t want in our lives.

Setting one daily goal! It doesn’t have to be a difficult or challenging one, but preferably something you feel uncomfortable about doing.

EDUCATION

Being educated is the most powerful asset nowadays, besides, learning is the best beauty regimen!

Reading a few news articles a day, being updated with the latest news in your country and community is a great advantage in general and a way to stimulate your mind

Reading paperback/hard copy books is another great way to stimulate your mind without scrolling endlessly. You learn new experiences and ideas, and gain more empathy for others.

Learning another language! This is extremely useful because when we learn it, we stimulate another part of our brain that is usually inactive + a great thing to put on resumes or applications.

Having high quality sleep actually helps with long term memory and sustaining everything you’ve learnt in the day. 6-8 hours in an ideal number of sleep.

Taking regular breaks which are productive,this is so important for sustaining your motivation and avoiding burnout. E.g going out for a walk, meditation, Journalling

Spending a few hours a day without relying on electronic devices. Social media and more will put so much mental clutter in your head, being away from it allows for mental clarity.

Doing focus meditations before doing any deep work. This allows you to stay on task for much longer and rids of any mental clutter.

Talking to others who have more expertise than you and listening, but you do not have to agree with them, it’s just valuable to have another person’s perspective and experience.

Challenge yourself daily and start being comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. Research about topics you dislike, do things you struggle at at least once a week.

PERSONALITY

Being charming, but still being down to earth to yourself while maintaining good relationships with others allows for happiness + harmony within you.

Sharpen up your vocabulary and learn to pronounce words that are difficult. People who are clear and concise speakers are automatically magnetic.

Learning how to use more advanced words in daily conversations, it gives off a more sophisticated and educated vibe to others.

Be passionate about the things and people you love, even if looked down upon by others. Trust, because everything that you love will come in abundance.

Making an effort to truly listen and understand someone. Engage with them, ask open ended questions and maintaining open body language. People will be so much more interested about who you are as a person.

Be genuine. Not only to others, but also yourself. People naturally gravitate to those who know themselves and their values.

Being truly kind to others. Always lend out a helping hand, even if you know they wouldn’t have done the same for you. Whatever you put out, will come back.

Relating to the previous point, don’t be afraid to ask for help from others. While you should strive to be independent, allow yourself to receive and be provided for.

Work towards being confident. Not only in your physical appearance but also your abilities, your standing in life and your environment. The only validation you should get is from you!

Smile, even if you’re not in the mood for it, smiling actually boosts our mood and the moods of others + it gives off more approachable vibes.

Start complimenting others, even if you do not believe that compliment yourself. We make ourselves more approachable and kinder to others, but it also will change our mind to be more positive and accepting.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Keep up with that beautiful, sexy, cute, perfect face babes. Make looking yourself in the mirror your favourite pastime and bless others with the privilege of seeing you.

Your smile is the best part about yourself. Brush those pearly whites, use mouthwash and floss. If really nesscessary use a teeth serum.

Do yoga and stretches to improve your posture. You’ll notice different parts of your body improving, like your jaw, hump neck etc.

Start nose breathing. A small one for sure, but it can make or break you in the long run.

Sleep on your back, your mouth is closed so you don’t breath through it and it helps with symmetry of your face.

Create a beauty planner. Plan what you want to do for yourself, whether it’s at home or done professionally, plan on what days you do it, the products you use, the vibe you’re going for etc

Create a closet you feel confident in. The l rarest and expensive thing you can wear is confidence in yourself.

Start sanitising your hands regularly. Even if we try, we still touch our face during the day. Instead of trying to fight against it, just make sure your hands are clean.

Smell good, there’s tons of tutorials out there that outline how to be smelling good all day. It makes you feel good and others moods will boost around you.

Change pillowcases like once a week, it can easily get dirty and can affect your skin and hair.

Keep track of your beauty products and when they expire, but if anything of that substance changes even mildly, throw it!

#that girl #wonyoungism #clean girl #becoming her #becoming that girl #it girl #girl blog #girlblogger #just girly things #girl blogger #glow up era #glow up #self healing #self love #self care #self improvement #self growth #personal growth #pink pilates girl #pink pilates princess #pink pill #smart girls #green juice girl #just girly posts #girly stuff #vanilla girl #pretty academia #pretty privilege #pretty and smart #hot and educated

[writemekpop]

Home Alone | Kim Jongin (Kai)

Summary: Your husband Kai accuses you of not trusting him with your baby daughter.  

Genre: New parents AU, domestic, angsty, house hubby Kai

Word Count: 0.8k

You were trying to balance the dangerous job of straightening your hair while buttoning up a onesie for your one-year-old. The hot blades wavered ever closer to the soft blue cotton.

That was when you got the call. You threw down the phone. “My mother’s sick! She can’t take Jasmine!”

Your husband Kai sprang up. He had been kneeling on the floor, building a house of cards in the pristine emptiness of the living room you had just cleaned. The house collapsed with a sigh.

“I’ve got to leave,” you groaned, lifting your baby daughter Jasmine into your arms. “Hey Jazzy, have you ever been to a board meeting before?”

The baby giggled.

Kai stepped forward, running his hands through his disheveled hair. “Hey, I can take her!” He frowned. “It’s not like I’ve never looked after Jazz.” He paused, his face falling blank. “Actually… you have never asked me to look after Jazz. How come?”  

Your heart rate was increasing just hearing his words. Everything came into sharp focus. Kai’s odd combination of Hawaiian shorts, a silk shirt and flip-flops. The cigarette butts still smouldering in the ashtray on the balcony he thought you didn’t know about.

The sound of your phone alarm, titled, LEAVE THE HOUSE BITCH, began to buzz like an angry wasp in your ear.  

“Um, yes, sweetie, of course I want you to look after Jasmine, it’s just-“ you scrambled for a lie. “You’re… too… busy! I don’t want to get the way of your fancy actor work!”

He frowned. “But baby, you know shooting hasn’t started yet.”  

You needed a better excuse. “But your lines. You have to learn them. I would rather than die than keep you away from your lines.”

You could almost hear the drone of the station announcer: “Last call for the 8:05 train. Last call…”  

Kai grinned in disbelief. “You’re saying I can’t look after Jazz… because I have to read a script?” He frowned. “Do you not trust me to look after our daughter?”

“Oh, Kai.” You squeezed your temples. “I don’t have time for this. Fine You want the truth?. No, I don’t trust you with my child.”

“Our child.” Kai scoffed. “And you can’t say that! How could you?”

You gestured to the pigsty that was the apartment. “You’re irresponsible. You’re untidy. You’re out partying every night-“

You were about to say more, but you stopped yourself. Some things were too true to say. Everybody deserved a few lies to cling onto.

Kai sighed, and you hated how well he knew you. “Go on. Say what you’re thinking.”  

You sighed. “Oh… and acting is not a real job!”

Kai bit his lip, pain flashing over his handsome features. “So, what was your big plan? Keep her from me for the next eighteen years?  

You tried to deny it, but fell silent when you saw the pain in his eyes. “N-not eighteen. Maybe… ten.”

And suddenly, you felt like an awful person. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. You- you’re a great father, you just… don’t have the skills yet to look after her. The knowledge.”

Kai sighed. His voice was very quiet. “I know that she naps between eleven and one. I know that Fuzzy is her favourite toy. I know that she can’t sleep on her tummy, or drink cow’s milk, or have too many baths.”

“How did you…” you started. “I read those parenting books that you aways leave lying around,” Kai said, crossing his arms.

You stepped towards him, smoothing your hands over his face. “I had no idea…”

You pressed your lips to his, and in the shape of his firm body, his scent, you almost lost yourself.

Kai gently pulled away, crooning, “Go. As much as I’d like you to stay, your genius is needed at a board meeting. I’ve got her.”

You smiled, picking up your bags. “Okay. But I am FaceTiming you in an hour. Every hour, actually.”

Kai grinned, that lopsided grin that made you giddy when you were still nineteen and an extra on some unknown TV show. You may have given up on acting, but you never gave up on the boy of your dreams.

You left a little piece of your heart with Kai and Jasmine, then shrugged on your blazer and stepped out into the brightening morning light.  

—

MAIN MASTERLIST

Let us know what you thought in the comments or on anon! 💋

#kai #exo #jongin #kpop imagines #kai smut #exo smut #exo fluff #exo fanfiction #exo drabbles #exo reactions #kai fluff #kai imagines #jongin smut #jongin fluff #superm #superm smut #nct smut #baekhyun #superm imagines #exo x reader

[bwabys-scenarios]

Reunited

Part 18

Illumi x Reader

part 17

part 19

a/n: it’s fun having Illumi get to experience things with (Name)!! she brings out his inner child and aghhh they’re so cute

warning: mention of reader having a period

taglist: @tsukilover11 @mercyboluthecrazychicken @sxyriii @merinfawleygoestohogwarts

A week quietly passed by, and (Name) was suddenly very hellbent on going into town.

Said girl made her way from her room to Illumi’s. She’d thrown on a pair of jeans, a white silk camisole, and a pink cardigan. Her purse bounced at her hip as she climbed the staircase, her numerous keychains rattling loudly.

It was around 8 am, and she had just finished breakfast. Illumi had been out on a job the day prior, and had gotten in late, so he slept in. (Name) didn’t know if she would call sleeping until 8 am sleeping in, but the Zoldycks weren’t exactly normal.

Before (Name) could knock on Illumi’s door, the man himself opened it. He was wearing a simple tshirt and jogging pants, assumably having just woke up by the state of his hair.

She stopped, looking perplexed. “I thought that may be you.” he said, a small smirk on his lips.

“Oh, hello Illumi. How did you know I was coming?”

“I could hear your purse from a mile away.”

She bashfully pulled it up, looking over her keychains with a sigh. “That’s the price to pay to have all of these cute accessories, they’re loud. I’m sad for the day I’ll have to take these off during missions.”

Illumi looked her over, an eyebrow raised. “Mhm… what brings you here?”

The girl dropped her purse back to her hip, clapping her hands together. “I want you to take me into town!”

“Oh? And why is that?”

She clamped her lips shut, squinting her eyes at him. “… okay, so I can’t tell you why, but I really need to go!”

He put his hands on his hips. “If you can’t give me a good reason, why should I take you?”

“Well, if you don’t take me I’ll just go by myself, but I assumed you may want to accompany me.”

She crossed her arms, a playful look in her eyes. He nodded, looking serious.

“Mm, you’re correct. I would rather you not go alone.”

He walked into his room without another word, leaving the door open. She peered in to see him throwing his shirt off and quickly turned away, her face flushed.

He exited the room wearing a pair of black slacks and a deep purple turtleneck. Illumi could make such a simple combo look elegant.

(Name) looked him up and down, nodding in appreciation. “You look handsome, Illumi. Purple really suits you.”

The compliment went right to his ego, and he made an mental note to wear purple more often.

“Thank you, (Name).”

—————

The trip to town took around two hours, (Name) showing Illumi some pictures of her two cats on the way there.

He recognized one as her childhood cat, Missy, a black cat with a tuff of white fur on her chest. The second was a gray tabby, which she hesitantly called Tammy. Ever perceptive, Illumi decided to point this out.

“Is that really her name? It took you a moment to say it.”

She laughed nervously, turning her phone off. “I don’t think you want to know what her name actually is.”

Ilumi was a curious creature, some may say too curious. He eyed her with those black orbs, pinching her cheek suddenly.

“Hey, ouch! Stop it!”

“I will if you tell me.”

She relented, slapping his hand away half heartedly.

“Her full name is… Tampon.”

He tilted his head at this. “Why would you hide that name? Is it offensive or something?”

She looked back at him in shock, checking his face for any hints of sarcasm. “Illumi… do you know what tampons are?”

“… yes?”

The two had a stand off, (Name) trying her best not to laugh. She scooted forward, opening her phone to search up said object and showed him a picture.

“Tampons are a product for people who menstruate. You kinda just…” she made a thrusting motion upwards. “stick it into your… vagina. I don’t use them unless it’s an emergency though, I prefer pads.”

Illumi stared at her phone, nodding his head. “I see. I have one question.”

“Go ahead.”

He grabbed her shoulders, looking her straight in the eye.

“Why would you name your cat that?”

She shrugged. “I thought it would be funny.”

He sighed, running his long fingers through his hair. ‘Hisoka was right, she is a vulgar girl. Who talks to men about these kinds of things without a hint of embarrassment?’

She clicked on something, showing him her phone again. “while we’re on the subject Illumi, it’s very important that you remember this brand of pads. It’s my favorite.”

“(Name) why would I have to remember the brand of your choice of feminine hygiene products?” He let out an exasperated sigh, embarrassed.

“Imagine, we’re on a mission together. I start my period and, for some reason, I didn’t bring any pads. I’m crying, probably hormonal, and there’s blood EVERYWHERE.”

“(Name) this is the worst conversation I’ve ever had a part in. Why did me asking about your cat lead to this?”

She shushed him, continuing. “If you brought back the wrong pads, I might actually kill you. That’s why this is important.”

She gave him a thumbs up, which didn’t help anything. He was covering his embarrassed face with his hands, shrinking into the soft leather of the limousine seats.

“I’ve already told Kurapika and Leorio this, though they kind of spaced out after the ‘theres blood everywhere’ bit.”

“I don’t blame them.”

She snickered, reaching out to boop his nose. “I don’t just love talking about my period you know, but if I have to go through it, you can handle knowing what my favorite brand is.”

He frowned, grabbing her hand, placing it on his cheek. “Were all the other details necessary though?”

“Necessary enough. You memorized the brand, right?”

“Yes, it’s (brand).”

“Then my job is done. To save you future embarrassment, I’ll just yell ‘CODE RED’ if I need you to get me some.”

Illumi questioned why he was so smitten with this girl that talked about such things with ease, but one look at her smiling face was answer enough. She scrolled through her messages, Illumi catching a glimpse of a picture of a shirtless man.

He snatched her phone, nearly breaking it. “Who was that?”

(Name) gasped, reaching for her phone, but Illumi’s arms were way too long. “H-hey! You can’t just take my phone! What are you even talking about?”

“There was a shirtless man. Who was that?”

(Name) paused, looked at him, then bursted into laughter. She finally swiped her phone, scrolling to the picture. “Why don’t you find out for yourself?”

Illumi rolled his eyes and leaned forward, looking at the picture again, this time able to see who it was.

“Oh. It’s me.”

Illumi had forgotten he’d sent her a picture he’d taken of himself shirtless after a shower. He remembered taking pride in the fact it made her blush uncontrollably, barely able to look him in the eye the rest of the day.

“Yeah, you were jealous of yourself, Luuumiiii~”

He scowled, huffing as he turned away. “I was not jealous, and don’t call me that.”

“Why, Hisoka called you that. Am I not as good of a friend as Hisoka is?” She teased.

Illumi groaned, slapping a hand to his forehead. “Hisoka is not my friend, and I prefer you use my full name.”

“But Lumi is sooo cute. You can use a nickname for me if you want!”

She pushed a bit, pouting up at him. He looked down, an idea forming in his mind.

“Alright, you can call me that.”

She squealed, clapping her hands together excitedly, but her happiness wouldn’t last long. Illumi grabbed her chin, making her meet his eyes.

“You can call me whatever you want, if I get to sleep in your bed tonight.”

He expected her to shy away and blush, like most women would. Illumi knew enough about women to know that sleeping in the same bed as a man before marriage was usually frowned upon. Assuming he’d won this argument, he smirked.

“Ok, deal! It’ll be like a sleepover!

The smirk was wiped off his face faster than you could say “wow”. Illumi watched the girl, his cheeks a light shade of pink. “Oh really? You don’t mind me sleeping next to you, (Name)?”

“Why would I? We can watch some movies and eat junk food! Oh, it’ll be so much fun!”

Now the girl was planning the sleepover, typing into her phone the supplies she’d need. He sneaked a peek at her list, able to see what she’d written beforehand.

At the top of the list were the words “Valentines Day Supplies”, with several heart emojis. He blinked.

‘Valentines Day? Why would she need anything for that?’

Illumi had never celebrated the holiday, but he knew what it was. Lovers gathered and gave each other small gifts, like chocolate or stuffed animals. What, or better yet who, was she buying ingredients to make chocolate and treats for?

—————

Once they reached the store, (Name) had made Illumi promise not to look at what she bought and to let her shop alone. He agreed, but unbeknownst to her, he wasn’t the type to keep promises he didn’t stand to gain from.

Illumi watched as (Name) walked the aisles, carefully looking over her choices as she passed by the shelves. Her shopping cart held several bags of chocolate and various ingredients to make baked goods with, along with fabric and stuffing. What was she planning on making?

She hummed lightly as she passed by the card section, opening a few and giggling at the funny ones. He couldn’t help but smile at her sweet laugh, finding himself drawn to her even now. Illumi managed to stay in the shadows, knowing if he suddenly walked up to her, she would be angry.

(Name) disappeared behind the next aisle, and he followed diligently, staying far enough behind to not be caught. An employee stopped her, his hand dangerously close to brushing against her chest.

“Hello ma’am, we do happen to have that in stock. It’s just in the warehouse. If you come with me to the back of the store, I can get it for you.”

Illumi could smell the little punk’s malicious intent from a mile away, but (Name) seemed oblivious. She beamed at the man, happily following him.

The assassin glanced around, seeing a few men loitering around, who the employee subtly nodded to as he passed them by. The men began following at a distance, much like Illumi had.

He didn’t think the man was an employee at all, and if he was, the man obviously was using his position of power to lure women into the warehouse. For what Illumi didn’t know or care. All he knew is that no one would do ANYTHING to (Name) on his watch.

“Just this way ma’am, I-“

Illumi pulled him into a corner, putting a hand over his mouth. He towered over the employee, using his height and intimidating eyes to his advantage.

“I don’t know who you are or what intentions you have with that woman, but she is my wife. If you touch her, you will face the wrath of the Zoldycks. Do you understand?”

Just uttering his family name was enough to turn the man pale. Illumi’s intense bloodlust pooling around him didn’t exactly help.

“Sorry, I didn’t know she was yours!”

Illumi let him go, staring down at with the calculated eyes of a killer. “Leave. Don’t ever let me see your face again.”

(Name) turned the corner to see Illumi leaning against a wall, reading a book. She squeaked, quickly jumping in front of her cart so he couldn’t see the contents.

“Lumi, what are you doing here?”

Something about her using that nickname instead of Hisoka made his heart thump against his chest, but instead of it being painful like before, it felt pleasant. Was this what being in love felt like?

“I was just checking out the reading section. Do you need help with anything, my dear?”

(Name) started to talk, but upon processing the pet name her face turned a bright scarlet. Illumi strolled forward, leaning down to whisper in her ear.

“Until we leave this store, pretend we are a married couple. It is for your own safety.”

He pulled back, planting a chaste kiss on her forehead for good measure. This didn’t help the heat in her face, or the warmth that was spreading through her body.

“O-okay… my love.”

Illumi tried his best to stay calm after hearing her call him her love. It was all he wanted to hear, what he wanted to be reality. She sighed, allowing him to push her buggy for her.

“I won’t look, I promise.”

—————

At the cash register, Illumi refused to let (Name) pay, handing the employee checking them out a few unmarked bills. (Name) was pouting, tapping her foot against the floor impatiently.

“I know your family has money troubles. I don’t mind buying things for you, I have more than enough.” Illumi said once they left the store. He kept a possessive arm around her waist even as they walked across the parking lot.

“You’re very sweet Illumi, but I don’t like accepting hand outs.”

“(Name), are we not friends?”

(Name) quieted at this, shyly peeking at him from the corner of her eye. He had a neutral expression, one that we wore most of the time, but his eyes were soft.

“If I am correct, friends help each other in times of need. Therefore it isn’t a hand out.”

Part of Illumi wanted her to be dependent on him, to feel like she owed him something to have the upper hand, but he pushed that away. He didn’t want to manipulate her into being what he wanted, he wanted her, as herself. (Name).

She sighed, leaning against him. He was beginning to crave the feeling of her body against his, the trust she had that he could support her enough so she wouldn’t fall sending a rush of adrenaline to his limbs.

“Alright. Thank you, ‘Lumi.”

(Name) let her hand drop to meet his, which he took instantly. She was so soft and warm, so unlike him. His hands were always cold and a little clammy when in hers. She brought his knuckles to her lips, placing a sweet kiss.

“Thanks for looking out for me.”

Illumi thanked whatever god there was for this moment, letting the feeling of her lips sink into his skin. He wouldn’t forget this moment, not til the day he died.

The car ride back passed quickly. (Name) spent it organizing the supplies into two piles, on for the sleepover, and the other for a different purpose. She refused to elaborate, clamping her mouth shut when he pried.

————

Dinner was short, with Illumi rushing to return with (Name) to her room. He would never admit it, but he was a little excited to experience his first sleepover. Illumi’s parents watched the pair leave with smug faces.

“Their relationship is progressing nicely. I heard (Name)’s basic training should be complete within the next few weeks, and she can begin honing her special abilities.” Silva remarked.

“Yes, I am quite excited to see how (Name) will perform on her first job. If she does well enough…”

The woman smiled, a shiver running down Kalluto’s spine. “Then she’ll be a perfect addition to the family.”

————

“Alright, let’s get down to business.”

(Name) and Illumi had changed into their pajamas, (Name) in a pair of shorts and tank top, and Illumi in a pair of sweatpants and sweater.

The girl pulled a shopping bag into her lap, taking out 3 dvd cases.

“Illumi, which would you like to watch first?”

The assassin glanced at the selection.

The first was a ghibli move, apparently her favorite. That would be a safe choice.

The second was a romance movie, one that she hadn’t seen before. Although that was what someone who wanted to initiate intimacy may pick, Illumi was easily embarrassed by displays of affection.

The third option was a horror movie, one that (Name) had picked hesitantly.

“… let’s go with this one.”

Illumi chose the third option, (Name) nodding. “A-alright. Just don’t laugh if I scream, okay?”

“No promises.”

The next thing (Name) did was dump out a bag full of junk food. Illumi had spent most of his life avoiding unhealthy foods to train his body to be perfect. He eyed the pile with a skeptical look.

“… do we have to eat junk food for the sleepover to be successful?”

(Name) shrugged, opening a bag of chips and throwing a handful into her mouth. “Not really, but it makes it more fun.”

Illumi took a Twinkie, holding it by the end awkwardly. “What is this?”

“It’s a Twinkie. Kind of like a little cake with filling.” She replied. He frowned, opening the plastic wrapping and staring at it.

(Name) watched with bated breath as he lifted the Twinkie to his mouth, taking a small nibble off the end of it.

“So?”

He frowned, setting it down. “It tastes artificial.”

“That’s kind of the whole point.” (Name) replied with a shrug, picking the Twinkie up and taking a bite. “Ish good!”

Illumi shivered, looking at where she bit the Twinkie, seeing she’d taken a bite of the side he’d also nibbled from. “I don’t think I really like junk food. The sweets are too sugary, and the savory stuff is too salty.”

“Mm. Well there’s some dark chocolate if you’d like that.”

“Yes, that will do.”

The two enjoyed their snacks, the movie starting up. Illumi had ordered a butler to set up a projector so they could enjoy the movie in (Name)’s room. They had their own theater, but he wanted to lay in her bed with her as they watched the movie.

(Name) scooted towards Illumi as the movie began, wrapping an arm around his. The little tremble in her limbs didn’t go unnoticed by the assassin, who was quite excited to see how she would react to the scary scenes.

————

30 minutes in and (Name) had jumped and spilled her chips twice. The more scared she got, the more she pressed herself against Illumi.

The protagonist of the movie walked outside, and the camera drifted from her, to behind her, and then back in front of her where the monster now stood.

(Name) threw herself into Illumi’s arms, burying herself into his chest. She let out a scream so loud that a butler rushed in.

“Miss (Name) are y-“

The butler looked at the pair, (Name)’s eyes brimming with tears and face pale, with Illumi calmly patting her back.

“Turn it off, please.” (Name) whispered out, clutching Illumi’s shirt. He nodded towards the butler, who switched on the light and turned the projector off.

“Would you like to watch something else, (Name)?”

She nodded, her face steal concealed by his chest.

The two decided on watching the ghibli movie, with Illumi assuming it may calm her nerves.

(Name) stole glances at Illumi throughout the movie, hoping he’d enjoy it. About halfway through, she noticed his eyes struggling to stay open. He had leaned against her, his weight pressing into her. She’d forgotten he hadn’t had a full night of sleep.

“Illumi, are you tired?”

The man peered down at her with sleepy eyes. “A little.”

She giggled and walked over to the projector, turning it and then the light. “Let’s go to bed then. We can finish that some other time.”

(Name) crawled into bed, Illumi following close behind. He watched her get comfortable, snuggling into her pillow.

The bedding was freshly washed, but still smelled distinctly of (Name). Said girl wiggled around to face him, her face flushed.

“What would you do if that monster from that movie appeared?”

Illumi blinked, struggling to understand why she would ask him that. “I don’t know, kill it I guess. Why do you ask?”

She shifted in her spot, her eyes drifting away from him. “If I’m being honest, I’m a little scared.”

“(Name).”

Illumi took her face in his hands, leaning in so close she could feel his hair tickle her cheek.

“Nothing is going to hurt you while I’m here.”

She stared at him, her cheeks warm in his hands. He watched as she relaxed, leaning into his touch.

“Thank you, Illumi. That makes me feel a lot better.”

He pulled his hands away, instead reaching out to hold her hand.

“Goodnight.”

———————

Illumi was gone by the time she woke up, leaving behind a note explaining he had a job come up. (Name) folded the note and set it on her beside table, running down the stairs excitedly.

“This is perfect, I can get all of my chocolates made while he’s away! Ahh, I’m so excited!”

It was currently February 12th, two days before Valentine’s Day.

(Name) loved Valentine’s Day, seeing it as a chance to show her loved ones how much she appreciated them. Every year, she would buy whatever ingredients she could afford and make her family baked goods and little stuffed animals.

She would be away from her family this year, so she planned on making her friends treats instead.

(Name) wanted to have all the chocolates ready by the 13th, knowing the three boys would be trying out the testing gate the 14th.

The only obstacle in her way were the butlers.

“Miss (Name), why are you asking to use the kitchen?”

(Name) sighed heavily. She’d already informed the butlers she’d want to borrow one of the many kitchens in the manor on the 12th and 13th, but it seemed they were determined to keep her from her goal.

“I said I wanted to borrow the kitchen to prepare some chocolates for Valentine’s Day. I won’t make a mess I-“

“Making a mess is not a problem, Miss (Name).”

The butler who’d been on the phone with Gon(who (Name) learned was named Gotoh) appeared next to her, grabbing her grocery bags to carry for her.

“Then what’s the problem? Am I not allowed to make sweets for my friends?”

She crossed her arms, watching Gotoh sigh. “No, the problem is your safety. Master Illumi made it very clear that even a scratch on your skin would be the death of any butler who allowed it, so excuse us for not wanting to anger our master.”

“How would I get hurt cooking? I’m the daughter of a baker and chef. I know that I could burn or cut my finger, but I’m sure Illumi wouldn’t be upset over that.”

“It seems you might not know Master Illumi that well then.”

That made (Name) pause. He wasn’t wrong, she’d only known Illumi for a week or so, but she wanted to believe that he wouldn’t kill just because she received all small scratch. That would be ridiculous!

“… I’m going to call him. If I get his permission to use the kitchen, that means you won’t be able to stop me, right?”

Gotoh hesitantly nodded, slightly amused.

(Name) scrolled through her contacts, clicking call on Illumi’s name. It barely had a chance to ring before Illumi picked up.

“(Name)? Is there something you need? I can’t talk for long, my job is starting soon.”

Gotoh’s eyes widened. Illumi wasn’t the type to answer a phone call so fast during a job, preferring to ignore it and call the person back after it was finished.

“Hi Illumi! I just need to ask you a quick question.”

“Go on.”

(Name) glanced at Gotoh before continuing.

“I need to use the kitchen for… secret reasons. I can do that, right?”

It was silent for a moment, (Name) waiting patiently.

“I suppose so. You are the child of a baker and chef, correct? As long as you’re careful I don’t mind.”

(Name) squealed, jumping up and down in excitement. “Yay, thanks Illumi! Please be careful on your job and call me when you’re on your way home!”

“Of course. Goodbye, (Name).”

She hung up, giving Gotoh a smug look. “See, he said it’s fine. I promise I’ll be careful.”

“Alright, but I will standby to make sure you don’t hurt yourself.” He reluctantly moved out of her way, following her into the kitchen.

——————

“Oh, she’s making chocolates for Illumi and her friends? How interesting!”

Kikyo laughed, the butler who had informed her stiffening. “Illumi is quite protective of that girl, make sure she doesn’t burn herself or anything. I wouldn’t want my poor Illumi upset!”

The butler nodded, hanging up the phone.

“Gotoh, Mistress Kikyo said to watch over her carefully.” The apprentice butler, Canary remarked. Gotoh nodded.

“I would, but she seems tense around me. It may be better to have you accompany her, Canary. She is rather relaxed in your presence.”

Canary sighed lightly. “That’s good, I guess. I don’t mind watching her, it’s just… she keeps offering me treats and being nice to me. It’s a bit difficult to say no sometimes. If I said yes, I’d be in trouble.”

“No, you wouldn’t. She is not a Zoldyck yet, your relationship with her does not concern me or the masters. Illumi would prefer her having a female butler attending her anyways.”

Canary nodded. “Alright. I’ll call you if anything happens.”

Gotoh left, Canary watching him as he did.

#x reader #anime x reader #headcanon #reader insert #requests open #smut requests #hxh imagines #hxh x reader #hxh illumi #hunter x hunter feitan #hunter x hunter chrollo #illumi hunter x hunter #reunited illumi x reader #illumi zoldyck #illumi headcanons

[buckyalpine]

Teach Me

18+ Minors dni

Bucky x inexperienced f reader

A/N: Writing for the lovely @chrisdrysdale writing challenge. Might add a part 2 please leave all the comments and thoughts!! Always love to hear what you think! 

Prompt: 7. Sleep princess, you need it

Warnings: smut (fingering, mutual masturbation m & f, lil daddy kink) swearing, fluff

Word count: 3.7k 

You groaned, falling back onto the bed, letting your head bounce off the pillow. You felt frustrated but you couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was bothering you. It had been weeks of this nagging feeling, like you were missing something, a craving left unsatisfied. But you didn’t even know what you wanted. Everything in your life was normal. As normal as it could be, being one of earths “mightiest heroes”. You looked over to the clock. 1:16 AM. You were definitely not going to fall asleep anytime soon. Usually you would toss and turn until it was time for training but this time you decided to get an early start instead. No one was usually up at this time, so you looked forward to a good workout unbothered by anyone else. You threw on your sports bra, some shorts and an oversized t-shirt, heading towards the training room.

As you entered the gym, you could already hear the thumps and grunts from someone hitting the punching bag. Your heart rate picked up slightly at the sight of a shirtless Bucky throwing punches, his knuckles bleeding and bruised though that didn’t seem to bother him. His breath was heavy, his back glistening, sweat trailing down his back. His sweats hung low on his waist…dangerously deliciously low. If he turned around, you’d see his Adonis belt and what you wouldn’t do to just lic-

“What are you doing here at this time doll?”

Bucky broke you out of your trance. You felt heat travel to your face, now wondering if he had caught you staring. You gaped like a fish, completely forgetting why you were at the gym at this hour.

“You heard me come in?”

“The serum. Enhanced hearing” He smirked. He didn’t just hear you walking in. He saw the flush of your cheeks, noted the increased heart rate. He could practically smell how aroused you were.

“Oh. Couldn’t sleep, haven’t in weeks. Thought I’d get a workout in instead of staying in bed”

“Ah, what’s been keeping you up?” “I’m not sure actually. Just feel like I’m high strung all the time even when I’m tired. Even now, I’m exhausted but I just never feel relaxed enough to get some decent sleep”

Bucky noticed the way you nervously bit your bottom lip, as your eyes flicked down to his lips, then chest and then down to his…

“I think you’re just sexually frustrated doll” Bucky looked down at you with a shit eating grin on his face.

“BUCKY!” You were definitely already flustered but somehow your face flushed more. You felt like you were on fire from what he just said.

“I’m just saying! When was the last time you’ve gone out on a date anyway?”  Bucky was genuinely curious. If you were not out on a mission, you were most definitely somewhere around the compound with a book or scrolling through TikTok.

“I don’t know, like 8 months ago? It didn’t go anywhere though” You cringed, recalling your painfully awkward date Aaron. 3 drinks in, he began to sob over his ex from 5 year ago. You had reluctantly agreed to be set up on a blind date by one of your friends. She insisted you were the perfect match. You were no longer friends with her. You had also lost all hope in dating.

“Why, did he not know what he was doing” Bucky smirked, his interest piqued. You glared at him, wanting to flick the stupid smirk off his perfectly handsome face.

“Not everything is about sex Barnes” You scoffed, mentally hitting yourself for deciding to workout at this hour. This is why you should be lazy.

“That’s what you’d say if he was bad at it” Bucky took a step closer to you as you breath hitched in your throat.

“Well I wouldn’t know” Now your eyes were looking everywhere except him. You could feel him eyeing you up and down in your overly flustered state. He was enjoying this. Bastard.

“So you guys didn’t…..” “No.” “So…how long has it been since…” Bucky’s eyebrows wiggled up and down, the shit eating grin plastered back on his face.

“Seriously? What are you going to do with this information?”

“I’m just trying to get an idea!” Bucky threw his hands up in defense.

“Shut up perv” You were not about to disclose your nonexistent sex life with him.  Bucky cocked his head to the side. He wasn’t going to let this go until he got an answer. “2 years” You mumbled.

“2 years?!!”  Bucky’s eyes grew wide as you glared at him. “Sorry, just. WOW. Wow.”

“Yes, my sex life is awful, will you please move on so I can actually finish what I came here for”. Honestly, you didn’t need a workout anymore. Bucky had made you sweat and increased your heart rate more than the treadmill ever did.

“Okay, okay. What about by yourself, you know…” “You’re so gross oh my god!” “Everyone does it” The humor in Bucky’s face disappeared as he looked at you dead in the eyes. He was being serious.

“I do! It’s just…It’s not great okay?”

“How do you mess up self pleasure?!” At this point Bucky was genuinely confused. He could understand someone else not knowing what to do but surely you knew how to take care of yourself.

You loved saving and caring for others. You just never bothered to do the same for yourself. Every time you wanted to, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Your hands would fumble around for a few minutes, and then you’d stop.  It embarrassed you, and the fact that you felt embarrassed over something so normal and natural embarrassed you more.

“I don’t know how! It’s not like the guys I’ve been with before were amazing to even try and get off thinking about them”

“Why them, think about someone you’re attracted to now” Duh. “It feels embarrassing trying to imagine myself with someone who wouldn’t look twice at me in that way. So I never did….that. Are you happy now?”  What pained you the most was the crush you were harboring on the super soldier. You had seen the girls he dated and whatever his type was, it wasn’t you.

Bucky felt his heart sink. You were stunning; he couldn’t imagine a single person that would say otherwise. He felt a pang of anger, wondering who put those thoughts in your head to make you feel this way in the first place.

“I don’t mean to overstep here but you’re beautiful doll. Anyone can see it”

“Whatever you say Barnes”

You rolled your eyes as your body continued to feel like it was set ablaze. Bucky was a charmer, he made everyone blush, from the barista at Starbucks to the little old lady at the corner shop. There was no way he actually found you attractive.

“I’m serious. No wonder you can’t sleep, you’re pent up. I could show you what to do” Bucky took another step towards you; you could feel his warm breath fan on your face, his eyes gazing into you.

“What are you, a sex guru?” You snorted “What are you going to do Barnes, teach me how to touch myself?”

“Sure”

You burst out laughing and immediately stopped when you saw Bucky was being completely serious.

“You can’t be serious. Maybe you know what you’re doing in bed but you’re telling me you also know how to show someone else how to touch themselves?”

“No one’s ever complained about my hands before, I can show you how to use those pretty fingers on yourself doll”

Dreaming. You must be dreaming. There was no way in hell this conversation was actually taking place. You were curious though. Very curious.

“Fine” you smirked. There was no way he’d actually take up his own offer. “We’ll see if you actually know what you’re talking about” “I always keep my word baby”

Bucky smirked at you, watching you leave the gym to go back to your room. He wasn’t sure what the hell just happened. He always kept his feelings for you at bay. He had seen decent guys approach you, only for you to turn them down seconds after speaking to them. If you weren’t giving guys like that a chance, he wasn’t willing to risk anything. Except now.

You paced around your room wondering how the hell you got yourself into this situation. He wasn’t actually going to come up here. You sighed, still blushing over the interaction you just had, changing out of your gym clothes and throwing on the oversized t-shirt you slept in. You started to get into bed when you heard a knock at the door. Jumping out of bed, you did a quick once over in the mirror before opening the door.

“Hey doll”

Bucky had showered and changed into a plain black t-shirt and grey sweats. This man was going to be the death of you.

“Hey Buck, you actually came” The surprise was evident in your voice as you opened the door to let him in. “I told you I always keep my word baby, but only if you want to” Bucky gazed down at you but it wasn’t out of lust; it was out of adoration. You walked over and sat at the edge of your bed, your knees pressed tightly together. You suddenly felt overwhelmingly self conscious, realizing that he was right there. In your room. Right now. You looked at the floor as Bucky closed the door behind him.

“Hey, look at me. Its normal, you don’t have to be ashamed of anything. If you feel uncomfortable we can stop and this conversation never happened” He kneeled in front of you so he could look at you, only sincerity in his words.

You shook your head. You didn’t know what to expect when you agreed to this, but you were certainly not expecting him to be so…understanding. His blue eyes showed nothing but concern and care for you. Your heart skipped a beat as your cheeks flushed. You could feel butterflies making your stomach flip.  Fuck, you wanted this.

“I want this….for you to show me….”

 Bucky sat up on your bed against your headboard with his legs crossed. He took your hand, pulling you towards him.

 “Lay back on me princess”

You shifted to sit on his lap, still feeling tense.

 “Here, just relax baby” Bucky hands gently caressed your arms, wanting you to feel comfortable.

You relaxed your body against him, your heart racing a million miles a minute. Part of you wanted to back down, tell him this was a stupid idea and he didn’t have to put himself through this for you. But another side of you wanted this so bad, the one person you had almost touched yourself to soo many times, stopping because it felt so unrealistic he’d see you like that.

Your room had a large bed with a full length 3 panel mirror across from it. Your entire body heated up looking at yourself in just your t-shirt, splayed on Bucky’s lap. His eyes flicked up, meeting yours in the mirrors reflection. He’d give anything to be with you like this every single night.

“You look beautiful like this”

Your breath shuddered, your voice shaky as you spoke “You said a lot, what did you plan on showing me”

Bucky smirked, grabbing your hand in his, guiding it down to the waistband of your panties. “This okay?” Again, your heart skipped a beat. He never overstepped, always making sure you gave him consent before going further. You nodded, arousal already soaking through.

Keeping your hand in his, he pushed down till your fingers were between your soaked folds. Gathering the slick, he moved your hands up to touch your clit, his own fingers on top guiding yours to move in gentle circles. You whimpered, biting your lips holding back the moans that wanted to slip out.

“Just like that baby, rub your clit like that for me”. Bucky removed his hand, letting you continue.

“Apply a little more pressure baby” Bucky could see you needed more, your hand desperately trying to move, your panties restricting your movements. “Can I take these off” Bucky’s hand moved to the waistband of your panties. You nodded, lifting your hips up so Bucky could slide them down your legs. You had already come this far but you felt exposed with nothing covering your lower half, suddenly pressing your legs together so Bucky wouldn’t see you.

“Don’t baby, you’re so beautiful,” Bucky rubbed the sides of your thighs, as his hands slowly slipped in between, guiding you to open them. “Spread your legs for me baby, look at how pretty your pussy looks” You almost felt light headed at the sight you saw in the mirror. Your lower half was on full display; Bucky was looking right at you from the reflection. His fingers started to play in between your folds to smear your arousal around. He took your hands back in his, bringing your middle and ring finger to gather the slick that had pooled around you.

“Push one finger in baby”

You paused, having never done that before. Bucky sensed your hesitation as he felt your body tense up. His lips were right by your ears “Here princess, it’s okay” He took your hand again, instantly feeling you relax. You let him guide your finger, pushing it in and out until you found a pace you felt comfortable with. Bucky was losing his mind seeing you like this. He wasn’t sure what aroused him more, the way you looked in the mirror draped across him, the fact that you were doing all this while sitting in his lap or the fact that you trusted him to be so vulnerable with him.

You started to get lost in your thoughts, forgetting Bucky was even there. You whimpered, your finger moving in and out of you as you closed your eyes, imagining Bucky ravaging you on the floor of your bedroom. Bare, clothes torn off, his cock wrecking you for anyone else. He saw the way your eyes started rolling back getting lost in the pleasure of your fingers.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about” Bucky groaned, his mind going foggy. He really did just want to help you get off, but a selfish side of him wanted to ravish you. He wanted to know how filthy you could get, to hear every single dirty thought you had in your head.

Still deeply lost in your thoughts, his name fell from your lips. He shifted, feeling his cock stiffen, nearly cumming on the spot. You could feel your climax building, unconsciously grinding your hips in a tandem against Bucky’s hardening length. “Are you thinking about me?”

You weakly nodded. His breath hitched in his throat when you threw your head back onto his shoulder, your breaths getting heavier. Your chest was rising and falling, nipples poking through the thin material of your t-shirt. “Need more Bucky” You moaned as you grabbed his metal hand to your core, hissing as his cool fingers started playing with your swollen desperate clit. You guided his other hand up your shirt to play with your tits. “OH fuck!” Your hips bucked up, trying to press against his hands, needing more, you were desperate chasing your release. “Please Bucky, more, please” You grew more whiny and needy, guiding your hand on top of his, till his fingers reached your sopping hole, already dripping onto the sheets. “Fuck baby you’re so wet” Bucky whimpered, feeling his heart racing. You were the most beautiful sight he had ever laid his eyes on and you were spread out on him begging for more. He must be dreaming, God he didn’t want to ever wake up.  “You sure baby?” “Please daddy” The name slipped out without a second thought, it drove Bucky feral. Without warning he plunged two fingers into you, pushing them in and out while his thumb pressed down onto your clit.

“M’ gonna cum” You whined, your hips grinding onto his hand, and pressing back onto his throbbing length. Your movements caused Bucky to grip your hips to keep you in place. “This is about you baby, if you keep moving on me like that, I’m not going to be able to control myself, you gotta stop baby” He couldn’t take it anymore, his cock was leaking with arousal, he so badly needed you. You pressed back into him wanting to tease him more. “Touch yourself daddy” The blue in Buckys eyes were nonexistent. His eyes were dark, filled with lust with what you had just said. He pushed you off, causing you to fall forward. You turned around to lay back and propped yourself up on one arm on the opposite side of the bed while Bucky threw off his sweats. His grey boxers had a dark patch from all the precum that had you caused. He was huge, his cock straining against the fabric of his boxers. He tugged them own letting his cock spring free, hitting his abdomen. He sat up against the head board again, nearly drooling as he watching you lying down across from him. Your eyes were heavy with lust.  

“Show me baby, touch yourself the way daddy taught you” Bucky tugged at his length slowly, wanting this moment to last forever. To have you like this, so bare and vulnerable, he was struggling not to cum on the spot.  Fisting his cock while his metal hand gripped onto the headboard, sweat beaded at his forehead as his thumb swept over the tip of his leaking cock acting as lube.

You felt like you were floating on air. Watching Bucky touch himself pushed you over the edge, your climax approaching hard and fast. You let your fingers gather the slick that was soaking the sheets, rubbing your clit in circles “Bucky, m’gonna cum baby”

Bucky wanted to capture every single curve and dip of your body. Every single movement as you moaned and arched off the bed. He couldn’t believe he got to see you like this. Your hips rose from the bed, legs squirming and you continued to press down onto your clit to prolong your building orgasm for as long as you could. Your moans softened to whimpers as your body continued to convulse, desperately trying to hold off so you could watch him for longer.

“Come here baby” Bucky grabbed your ankles so you could be closer to him. Your thighs were on top of his, your core close enough to grind on his length. This had to have been the horniest he had ever been, he had stopped touching himself multiple times because he knew he wouldn’t last long. Your fingers were lazily playing with your clit, your bottom lip caught between your teeth as you tried to silence your screams. Bucky reached forward to pull you up. His hands played at the bottom of your shirt as he looked at your for permission. As soon as you nodded, he ripped it off, throwing it across the room. You lay back down across from him. “Fuck daddy, so close, need to cum baby please” your jaw hung slack as you watched Bucky pick up the pace on his cock. A slow dribble continued to pour from the tip as he started to chase his high. “God baby, you look so fucking beautiful like this, keep doing exactly that, fuck y/n, go faster” Your fingers were rubbing frantic circles on your swollen clit, teetering on the edge of your orgasm. Your thighs quivered on top of his. “Need to cum with you doll, holy fuck I’m gonna cum” Bucky threw his head back, straining against the headboard. His metal hand came down to grip onto your thigh, needing to find a way to ground himself.

“M’ gonna fucking cum y/n, can’t hold it, let go baby, please, cum with me y/n” “OH FUCK DADDY” You could feel your walls flutter and convulse, arousal gushing out of you. You moved slightly forward so your clit could press firmly against Buckys balls, moving your hips lightly to grind against him. You felt waves and waves of endless pleasure and euphoria wash over you. Tears spilled onto your cheeks as you continued to cry out for him, scratching the sides of his legs. “Baby I’m gonna cum, fuck gonna cum so fucking hard for you babydoll, God I want to watch you like this all day. Fuck I’m cumming, m’ cumming, FUCK y/n!” Bucky sped up his pace, fisting his cock, focused on the swollen and sensitive tip. He could feel his balls heavy with cum, eyes were squeezed shut. His head was thrown back as endless ropes of cum spilt onto his abs and chest. His breaths grew heavy as he continued to lazily stroke his cock wanting to make the moment last forever. You fell limp onto the bed, floating in a post climax haze. Bucky sat up, gently pulling you up so he could tuck you under the sheets beside him. “Fuck you’re so beautiful when you cum”

Your haze started to fade as you registered Bucky’s words, burying your face into the crook of his neck.  He cupped your cheek, brining your face up to look at him. “I’m serious. You’re so gorgeous doll” His gaze caused your face to heat up, as you shook your head, biting your lip looking away from him.

“I’m not-

Bucky stopped you, grabbing your face in his hands making you look at him.

“I meant it when I said you’re beautiful. Not just here like this. Always y/n”

You were back to your flustered state, unsure of what to say.  “Thank you..for this..uh, showing me” He gave you the best orgasm of your life and he had hardly touched you. Bucky smirked pulling you close to him, his lips brushing yours.

“I want to show you so many things baby”

You giggled, feeling a wave of sleep wash over you. You yawned, relaxing in his hold, letting sleep take over. 

“Sleep princess, you need it” 

This was just the beginning. 

#writingforbella #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x you #bucky barns imagine #Bucky Barnes #marvel #marvel smut #avengers smut #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x female reader #bucky x f!reader #bucky barnes fluff #fluff #marvel fanfiction #bucky #avenger

[arabellavernierwrites]

i chose you. will graham.

summary : will graham had felt himself slipping away for months. after a particularly grisly nightmare, he finds himself being comforted by his partner who can’t help but reassure him. (can be read as gn!reader)

word count : 944

warnings : nightmares , anxiety , panic attacks , unstable mind , insecurities , fear of hurting others

a/n : hello everyone ! it’s been a while. truthfully , i had been having a bit of a rough time. i apologize for the leave , but i want you all to know that i have received your requests , they are in my ask box and i will be getting around to them ! thank you so much for all of the love and support you all continue to show me. i truly am so appreciative of it and find it motivates me to write even more. that being said , this is my first hannibal fic ! i would love to write more for it , so please let me know if you all would be interested in that. and please send in requests !!! i want to write for you ! i hope you like the story. thank you all again for the support. have an amazing wonderful incredible day ! love you all !

it was a cold, rainy wednesday night.

it wasn’t rare for the weather in virginia to be like this. sprinkles, drizzles, downpour. it was all the same to you.

you glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table. its electronic glow read 8:53 p.m. it was still early in the night. you and your partner, will, hit the hay early this evening. will had sipped on a small glass of whiskey before declaring himself drowsy enough to go get in bed.

you had followed him up the stairs, a small army of dogs on your heels as you trudged up the wooden steps.

“i think i’m gonna read,” you announced, tossing the sheets aside.

“oh yeah?” will smiled gently, “your new one?”

“yeah, i’ve got just over 60 pages left and i want to get it done before friday,” you adjusted your pillows.

“i’m expecting a review when you finish,” will stepped out of slippers, lying down next to you.

“like i’d ever pass up the opportunity,” you grinned, reaching for your book, “lamp or reading light?”

a timid look settled on will’s face, “lamp. please”.

a few months ago will had started having nightmares. they were grueling, each night a horror film of his most traumatic moments, deepest fears, and haunted past played on a nauseating reel in his mind. since then, will had liked to keep the bedroom lamp on. he found it comforting to awake from his grisly slumber to a well-lit, familiar place.

“lamp it is,”

will sunk into the mattress beneath him, drifting off to his nightmarish dream world, a place his sleeping figure visited far too often. once you heard the soft, steadying of his breath, you propped yourself up under the covers, resting against the wooden headboard as you began finishing your book.

37 pages or so later, here you were, glancing at the clock that read 8:53.

a small shake of the bed startled you. looking down at the man next to you, you swayed again as his body jolted.

his shirt had seemed to change color in the past half hour as his sweat had drenched the cottony fabric. his breathing had become uneven, sharp and jagged, clawing at the oxygen around him, begging for sweet relief from this panicked suffocation that encased his lungs.

spasming, sweat, hyperventilation. you knew what was coming.

you placed your book down beside you, preparing yourself for the storm of will that was brewing beside you.

his wet shirt clung to him as his shaking turned to convulsions. his arms and legs thrashed around, trying to fight off the dreadful scene that played in his mind.

your heart raced, fearful for him as you reached forward, resting a protective hand on his shoulder.

“will,” you shook him carefully.

the hideous sounds that ripped from his chest frightened you.

“will,” you shook harder, terrified that he was actually going to suffocate himself, “will!”

his body lurched forward, a gasp escaping him so loud it seemed to silence the rest of the world.

he looked like he was being pinned down, the way his body uncomfortably pressed into the bed, an attempt to make himself feel grounded.

escaping from his nightmarish state didn’t appear to help to ease his mind at all. his breathing was still frantic and his eyes shot around wildly.

“sweetheart,” you gently wiped a few strands of wet hair from his forehead, cautious as to not spook him.

he placed a desperate hand on the back of yours, a pool of comfort flooding his chest. your tender touch breaking down the icy walls that trapped his harrowing thoughts.

“will,” he was still trembling, his mental battle still not quite over, “look at me”.

you started pulling away, afraid your physical presence might be overwhelming while he was still so raw. will moved to grip your wrist, pressing your palm back to his cheek.

he breathed deeply, bit by bit, the life returning to his eyes.

“how am i ever supposed to save anyone when i can’t even save myself?” he whispered sullenly.

“i wouldn’t say it’s all your own doing,” you stroked the side of his damp face, “there’s a lot of people that put a lot of pressure on you. people that would rather see you drown trying to help them than allow you to swim to shore”.

“what if i can’t save you?” he met your eyes, his gaze timorous.

“that’s not something you have to worry about,” you reassured him.

“well it is,” he pressed.

“you don’t have to save me, will. i’m okay. i’m here, in this moment, in bed with you,” you offered.

you were met with silence.

he gnawed on his bottom lip as thoughts bounced around his brain.

“what if i can’t save you from myself?” he stressed, his real worry coming to light.

“i don’t need to be saved from you. you’re not holding me captive, i choose to be here. i choose to spend my nights with you, reading books and drinking whiskey and caring for dogs because i love you, will,” you brushed the hair from his forehead, “there’s nothing else i would rather do in this world than be here with you”.

for a moment, the air was still. a blanket of calm had quieted everything except for the pattering of the raindrops that hailed from above.

he rolled over, his face falling into your chest as his shoulders quivered.

“i’m afraid,” he choked out.

“i know you are,” you pulled him flush against your body, massaging your fingers through his hair, “but i’m here for you. i’m always here for you”.

#hannibal #hannibal lecter #will graham #will graham hannibal #will graham angst #will graham hurt #will graham hurt comfort #will graham fanfic #will graham fanfiction #will graham reader #will graham x reader #will graham/reader #will graham blurb #will graham drabble #hannibal fanfiction #hannibal fanfic #hannibal blurb #hannibal drabble #will graham comfort

[pebblysand]

Is My Heart Still In It? (and further reflections ahead of the Page Pals Project)

Hey everyone, I hope that you're doing well. I am back in Ireland now, and just wanted to come on here to remind you of the castles re-read project that will be starting tomorrow (more info here if you want to join). I am very excited about this and look forward to receiving your thoughts and to talking about each chapter as we progress!

Additionally, as a lot of you also saw last week, I received a not-very-nice anon about chapter 21. At the outset, I want to state that my intention writing this isn't to revive the issue, or to stir shit up again. Anon apologised and even if they hadn't, they're allowed to think whatever they want to think. I know a lot of you were very upset on my behalf, and a lot of you DM-ed me last week, which was very kind, but I also think that anon was very well within their rights to have disliked the chapter. Word-vomiting it to my face probably wasn't the most productive way to go about this, and that was typical URL-badman behaviour, but it is a free country.

I haven't had a chance to re-read the chapter, but I also think it's pretty clear what this person disliked about it. There is a change of tone in chapter 21, and a change of pacing, that may have felt rushed to this person, which is probably why they didn't enjoy it. Again, that's not really the question, here.

I think the part of this anon that really stuck with me was the allegation that my heart wasn't "in it" anymore. Firstly, because at a very, face-value level, it's not true. I don't want to seem like I'm being full of myself, here, but I think it is pretty much acknowledged that I am someone who has a very strong work ethic. I spend hundreds of hours on each chapter, I edit, publish, edit after I publish, answer anons, answer comments - like, if there's one thing you cannot actually fault me on, it's the amount of dedication that I have put in this project. I can accept that maybe, when it comes to chapter 21 specifically, I did a little bit less editing than I usually do, which may have caused it to be a bit clunkier, but that was mostly because I was very keen on giving you a chapter before going on holiday, not because my heart wasn't "in it". My heart is in fact so "in it" that I wrote and published 43,000 words in less than a month, so stop it.

But also, on a different level, one that this anon probably didn't even anticipate, they were right. Because, I mentioned their message to my therapist, earlier this week, and said: "Do you think they can tell?"

To be fully transparent with you all, when it comes to castles, I've definitely had many moments of fluctuating motivation in the past four years. I think that when you are writing a story this size, for that much time, it's natural that you will experience ebbs and flows. The summers, I've noticed, have always been particularly hard. The summer of 2021, when everyone was coming at me about my characterisation and, afterwards, about the contents of chapter 8, made me want to give up more times than I can count. So much so that I didn't publish anything for six months after that. I can state very clearly that my heart was very much not in it, then. The summers of 2022 and 2023, when I basically wrote myself into the ground and burnt out by August because I was sleeping four hours a night for months, trying to manage writing and work, were also awful. Those who were here last summer will remember the post I wrote about how much I'd sacrificed for castles, and how much I considered giving up. My heart also wasn't in it, then.

By contrast, now, I'm feeling a lot better about this story. Its end is in sight and I'm so very proud of what I have achieved and what I have managed to pull through. I'm also about to embark onto writing a series of chapters that have literally existed in my head for years, and which I can't wait to share with you. Whilst I am a bit nervous about how the end will be received (which, again, is normal when you have poured that much of yourself into something), I can't wait to finally show you all where I was going with this. I'm so excited for us to finally be able to discuss Everything, and for this fic to be complete. I think that paradoxically when you look at what this anon was saying, I am on "high" when it comes to castles, at the moment. I am more motivated, and my heart is more "in it" than it has been for a long time.

So, why do I say that anon was also right? Well, because I'm grieving. Because like a parent who is watching their child age and move out for college, I'm watching this story edge closer and closer to being finished with a mixture of joy and pride, and grief. I've always felt that once a chapter is published, and once a story is finished, it no longer belongs to me, it belongs to the readers. And, right now, there are only three chapters left, which are my own. Soon, this story will have grown up into its own thing and it will belong to the people who read it for as long as there is a Harry Potter fandom, for as long as the internet exists, but it will no longer be just mine. And, so, when I say "Do you think they can tell?" I mean that. Can they tell in my words on the page that I'm saying goodbye, too? That maybe I am slowly trying to distance my heart from this thing that I've built little by little, because I'm hoping that the grief will hurt just a little bit less, when the time comes?

I love this story so much. I know that it means a lot to a lot of you, and I don't mean to diminish that reader experience in any way, but it means a lot to me, too. Probably in a very different way. This story has been my refuge, my baby, my best friend, my enemy, my lifeline, for four years now. And, I love the community it has brought together, stupid anons included, so I worry. About what it'll be like not having that. About whether people will be interested in my writing in the future. About the possibility that I might never experience this level of connection again. And, so, of course, I am happy and keen, and so excited to finish and share this with you. Also, I'm not going to lie, I'm very much looking forward to getting some of my free time back (haha) for the first time in years. But, I'm also grieving. And, maybe, like this anon accidentally suggested, you might be able to tell in my words, or you might not. Either way, I'm telling you: my heart is very much in it. It's just - learning to say goodbye.

So: join me on the re-read, starting tomorrow. Join me as I say goodbye. And, I can't say I won't cry, but I hope we'll all get where we need to be in the end. ❤️

#castles

[blackjack-15]

after traveling on NYD, the work week from hell, and sleeping ~8 hours in 5 days, i am back baby let's go episode 3

"i googled fun the other day" oh we're starting from a place of complete mental wellness! also this is a hilarious delivery. the bear is a comedy etc etc

ugh carmy's instinct to backpedal when he says what he really thinks is coming up -- he mentions the restaurant opening is hard and stressful, he walks it back; he says something neutral (not even negative!) about his family, he walks it back. this is a more repressed carmy than we saw in the first two episodes, and i'm a little fascinated by it.

it's also repression, pure and simple. the absolute fear of expressing negativity -- especially about someone -- to people, so he pretends it's okay and keeps going, correcting himself when he says something to close to what he actually means

i've asked about a billion times what exactly carmy is afraid will happen if he doesn't repress himself. looking forward to that being answered, at least in part, this season

"i don't think my family meant to ruin it...sometimes they just try too hard, or make promises they couldn't keep" oof. family episode this season, calling it now. flashback or present-day or a mix of both, we're getting the Berzatto Clan in a way we haven't before

"have to remind myself to breathe. that there's not always another shoe, which is incredibly difficult, because there is always another shoe" i'm glancing back at my tags liveblogging this, most of which are asking when the other shoe drops...synergy...

the very tight shots on this confessional -- slightly different framing than his fire al-anon monologue -- might tighter, much more tense, much more foreboding. he's not venting here, he's curating himself. very different experience, much less healthy experience

"maybe if i could provide [fun] for myself, it'd be easier to provide it for others" anxiety disorder coming into play here! the feeling that any service for yourself is in the pursuit of giving it to others, that the only meaning and value to your experiences is to make things better for others. i wonder why this would come up the episode after he gave an old acquaintance a fake number...

(i don't wonder. i know.)

"i'm happy to be here, you guys. thanks for letting me share" he says with the most neutral voice and the most painfully resentful expression on his face. theme of the episode? carmy's gonna lie. a lot.

nope sydcarmy stuffs, new post, y'all know the drill by now

#the bear #liveblogging #2X03 #I LIVE #i wrote like 25K in the last three days + both jobs work complete so liveblogging! at least a little

[notmaplemable]

9 Days Of Lancaster Day 8: Meeting The Family

RJ: *Standing outside the Arc household*

Jaune: Nervous?

Ruby: A little bit.

Jaune: Don't be, they'll love you. And I mean, you meeting my family can't go any worse than me meeting yours.

Ruby: What do you mean? Dad loved meeting you, and Uncle Qrow likes you more than he likes most people.

Jaune: I meant throwing up on Yang.

Ruby: Oh... Yeah, hopefully I can do better than... that.

Jaune: You will. You did great when you met Saph and Terra.

Ruby: But we weren't dating then, and two people are easier to deal with than ten!

Jaune: Well... you aren't wrong.

Ruby: You're supposed to encourage me!

Jaune: I have been.

Ruby: Well I don't feel encouraged!

Jaune: *Sighs* Let's just go meet everyone.

------

Ruby: H-Hello, my name is Rubin Rose!... I mean Robin Rose!... I mean Ronald Rose!... I mean-!

Jaune: This is Ruby.

Ruby: RUBY ROSE!

Mama Arc: *Chuckles* Well aren't you adorable.

Papa Arc: There's no need to be so nervous, Ruby. We've heard a lot about you.

Mama Arc: And if you're anything like your mom, you'll get along with the girls just wonderfully.

Papa Arc: Hopefully.

Jaune: Where is everyone else anyways?

Mama Arc: In the den, we wanted to give Ruby a little bit of breathing room before we throw her to the wolves. *Chuckles*

Ruby: *Mortified*

Jaune: Thanks mom, really helping her anxiety there.

Mama Arc: Oh I'm just teasing.

Jaune: Tease less, please.

Mama Arc: Oh sure, sure. Let's go introduce her to the girls! *Grabs Ruby's hand and drags her away*

Ruby: Eeep!

Jaune: Oh, boy.

Papa Arc: This is going to be a... fun day.

------

Mama Arc: This is Ruby Rose, Summer's youngest daughter, and Jaune's fiancée! Isn't she just adorable?

Arc girls: *Various forms of yes*

Ruby: H-h-h-hi?

Mama Arc: Now, you already know Saphron and Terra.

Terra: Hello again, Ruby.

Saphron: It's been too long. I like what you're doing with your hair now, though.

Ruby: T-thank you. It's good to see you two again.

Mama Arc: This is Garnet, our oldest.

Garnet: I see you like red a lot.

Ruby: Yeah, it's my favorite color.

Garnet: Well, we have that in common. And from what I've been told about you, I look forward to having you as a little sister.

Ruby: Oh, umm. Thanks?

Mama Arc: This is Jaune's twin sister, Joan.

Joan: It's nice to meet you.

Ruby: It's nice to meet you too, you look a lot like Jaune.

Joan: Except a good bit shorter and a lot less muscular now. *Chuckles* He's changed a lot since he left.

Ruby: Yeah.

Joan: Mostly for the better it seems, and I believe I have you and the rest of his friends to thank for that.

Mama Arc: This is Kelly.

Kelly: So, I hear you like weapons.

Ruby: They're my second most favorite thing in the world.

Kelly: Can you show me some cool weapons sometime?

Ruby: Sure! I mean, if you want me to.

Kelly: I do! This is going to be so awesome!

Mama Arc: This is Livie.

Livie: Sup?

Ruby: Umm, not much?

Livie: Hmm.

Mama Arc: She doesn't talk much, now onto the second set of twins. Milly and Amethyst.

Milly: You seem really cool!

Amethyst: You stole my big brother you harlett!

Ruby: Umm, I don't know what that means.

Milly: She just called you a w-

Mama Arc: And that's enough of that conversation! Let's eat!

------

Several hours later.

Jaune: See, I told you it wouldn't be that bad.

Ruby: Your little sister called me a "harlett".

Jaune: She's just getting used to me dating. It'll all be better after a good night's sleep.

Ruby: Where am I supposed to sleep?

Jaune: We have a ton of guest room you can stay in.

Mama Arc: Actually, I donated all of the beds in the guest room to charity.

Jaune: What? Why?

Mama Arc: It doesnt matter why! *Starts pushing Jaune and Ruby towards Jaune's room* You two can just sleep together in Jaune's room while you're staying here!

Jaune: Mom!

Ruby: *Blushing*

Mama Arc: *Pushes them into the room* Have a good night you two~! *Leaves*

Jaune and Ruby look around at Jaune's room, which is currently lit by several candles with some soft romantic music playing in the background.

Jaune: ...

Ruby: ...

#rwby #9 days of lancaster #lancaster #jaune arc #ruby rose

[jpitha]

Just a Little Further 34

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33

Janais stands. "Come. It is time for bed. The hour is late. I shall call what residents are left here and we shall all return to the Reach. There we can plan our next steps."

"We?" I look up at Janais. She looks down her nose back at me.

"I may not be Empress anymore, but I am still a Builder. You only have what... 5 Builders in total now?"

"4 Actually."

"Oh, That's right, your prisoner is not yet a Builder."

Yet?

Raaden crosses her arms and makes a face.

"Regardless, you need all the help you can get. I shall come with you and remain a Builder and assist you in your task."

"My task?"

Janais looks at me like I'm an idiot. "Rebuilding the Empire and ruling it as is your right. You need people, you need starships, you need Builders. It is a large task, but not an impossible one. It's been done before, it can be done again."

"Wait, wait, what does this mean? Am I going to have to go out and... conquer everyone?"

Raaden sighs. "We've been over this, Empress. They're not going to see a human that can use a Commanding Voice to make anyone who is around her do anything she wants as a friend. If you want to survive, the only option is at the top."

Janais nods. "Your prisoner is wise. You should make her a Builder. She would be an excellent commander of your fleets."

Both Raaden and I blink. "What? No. I can't be Fleet Commander here. For one, there's no fleet. For two, I'm from Venus. For three, MmEmpress would never allow it. I tried to take over here."

"And you failed, but yet you live. The Empress sees value in your still. She hasn't ordered your death, she hasn't even commanded your silence. She listens when you speak, even when you tell her things she doesn't want to hear. You are more valuable than you realize Helen Raaden."

I look over at her. Maybe Janais has a point. It would have been so easy just to order her to be quiet. But, she has experience, she is very intelligent. It would be stupid to throw away such a resource. Is it really just that she was on the wrong side all this time? She is incredibly ruthless.

We could use ruthless.

Ugh. This is going to cause trouble down the line, I just know it.

"Y̸̰̚õ̶̱u̴͚͛ ̸̢̌m̸̜̎a̴̢̎y̴͇͊ ̶͇̈́c̶̩̐ą̶͘l̸̙̓l̶̙̍ ̶̮̽m̵̝̊e̴̼̋ ̵̖͋M̵̟͝e̶̻̿l̴̯̅o̷̱̽d̷̹͆y̵̹͋.̴̻̑ Raaden."

Raaden snaps her head over to me and looks at me, eyes wide. "Why did you do that... Melody?"

Ava looks at me flabbergasted. "Yes, why did you do that Melody?

"Let's say that... you've earned it."

Raaden nods. "I did notice that you stopped calling me Helen after interviewing the crew. Who told you I hated that name?"

"Ginny did."

Raaden smiles gently. "Ginny is more observant than she lets on, good girl. It's not that I hate my name, I hate fake casualness. I hate when people use my first name to try and be friendly, when I don't want to be their friend and they really don't want to be mine." Raaden stood and stretched, and held out her hand. "Let's try this again. My name is Helen Raaden. Nice to meet you."

I stand and grasp the hand. "Melody Mullen. Nice to meet you too."

Omar gets up from his chair and starts walking around the room. "Okay, now that we're all best buds here, we need to figure out what we're doing. We're going to sleep here tonight, and tomorrow take everyone home? Empress Janais, how many people are left here exactly?"

Janais holds up a finger. "Builder Janais now. The only Empress here is Melody."

"Okay fine. Builder Janais, how many people are left here?"

Janais closes her eyes and for a moment looks far away. Do I look like that when I'm connecting to the Reach? Her head tips forward just a bit and her eyes snap open. "There are one hundred and twenty three people that I can feel. I think that's everyone."

"Call them here please. It may take most of the night to get them loaded safely. Tell them to bring only what they can carry. If there are precious things, we can leave them and come back. We're moving, not fleeing."

"Of course, Builder Omar." Janais closes her eyes again. "They have heard my call. They will be here shortly. Come with me, I will meet them with you and we can begin loading."

She stands and strides out of the room. Omar looks at me questioningly. I shrug. "Sure, go ahead." I appreciate him making sure I'm okay with it, but I can't think of a reason for him not to follow her lead. Omar shrugs too and hurries after her.

Starlight stands as well. "I will head back to High Line. I... am not comfortable here, I will sleep in my cabin. Good night Empress, Ava, Raaden."

Starlight walks out of the palace and it's just me, Ava and Raaden sitting at the table, alone.

Ava goes first. "Okay Raaden. It's just you and me and Melody. Why the hell are you with Venus? You know that everyone else in the galaxy thinks they're fascist assholes right? It's not a surprise?"

Helen looks down at the table. She then looks back up at Ava. "Venus is where I'm from Ava. I was raised in Regantown, I did ROTC at VPI, signed on right after graduation, majored in Leadership, the works. I've been steered towards the military from an early age. Most upper class Venusians are."

Huh, These are all things about Raaden I never knew. "Are you from a military family... Helen?"

She smiles slightly when I use her name. "Actually yes. My Dad was Rear Admiral Klein Raaden. He served for many years as part of the Inner Planet Defense Force, the IPDF. They handled the defense of the Mercury Array, Venus and Luna. Earth had their own force of course, and then from Mars out was the OPA. Dad was retired when Venus... struck out on their own. I remember being about 13 and Dad getting called back up to "serve his homeland." He... didn't think much of the Emperor at the time, or their ideals, especially around AIs. Dad had worked with and served with AIs for years. He thought AIs were fine and were probably the reason we were so successful with interstellar flight. But-" she pantomimed a salute, "-he was called to serve, and he did. Served until his dreadnought Redemption Arc was sabotaged by an OPA operative and crashed into the floating city Lavinia, destroying both. They sank into the atmosphere and lost all hands. Over one million people died."

My eyes go wide with recognition. "So your ship..."

"Was named for the incident that took my Dad, yeah." She gave me a wan smile and looked at both of us. "I was incredibly proud when I was given command of the Lavinia. It was only my second command. Nobody gets a dreadnought for their second command, that's usually an end of career thing. But 'the daughter of Klein knows what's she's doing' and so it was given to me."

"But all the anti AI rhetoric! They're sapient, have been for more than a thousand years. You must have known that stuff would have made you unpopular." Ava sounds conflicted. I wonder if she's trying to come to terms with the fact that Helen is... a person with good parts and bad parts and not just an attractive woman in a sharp uniform who she can just be labeled "bad guy" and stuck over in a corner.

She shrugged. "Well sure. That's for the folks at home. The AIs don't go to Sol much anymore. That makes it easier to make them out to be an enemy. Give the people a bad guy, and they concentrate on them and... less on you. Or the fact that Venus keeps losing ships and not getting more. They don't notice we've tried to take the Heinlein shipyards in the Earth L2 point three times now and failed every time. They don't notice how our trade deficit is eye watering. We are not self sufficient, not by a long shot. If everyone cuts off trade, we die, it's that simple."

"It's propaganda?"

"Mostly, yeah. Don't get me wrong, the Emperor hates AIs. He is absolutely convinced that they're behind every corner and are all actively plotting to overthrow him."

Okay, my turn. "What do you think about AIs, Helen?"

Her shoulders rolled gently. "I tend not to. I don't work with them, I don't interact with them. Other than the propaganda, I don't know much about them. I do worry that they'll decide we're just not worth the effort and try and take over, but the thought doesn't keep me up at night."

Raaden leans forward intently. "But what about you Melody? What do you think of them? An AI declared your captain unfit if I am remembering your story to Janais correctly. The AI, now in charge, left you here. An AI abandoned you to your fate."

I'm taken aback. "I-I-I mean, she was thinking of the mission and..."

"And what Melody? You just said that she didn't continue the mission. She went home."

Ava raises her eyebrows, surprised at herself. "Raaden... is right Melody. FarReach was scared of you. She only gave us a few minutes to grab our things. Omar and Um'reli came with me because their minds were already made up. Nobody else who was unsure got time to think about it. FarReach locked Q'ari in her cabin, declared her unfit and left."

Raaden sat back. "Sounds like you have your own reasons to not particularly care about AIs Melody."

I sigh. It feels like Ava and Helen are right, but it also feels wrong to agree with them. "It doesn't matter anywhere. There are no AIs on this side of the galaxy."

Ava gestured with her teacup. "You heard Janais, we might be all that's left on this side. We should go to the other locations she knew and see if anyone is there. If there isn't, then... well the other side of the Galaxy is where the action is." Ava looked worried. "Melody, I don't want to lose you. If the only way that you can ensure that you won't catch a sniper's bullet is to be in charge... then be in charge. I can think of worse people to rule."

"Easily" Raaden agreed. "Frankly Melody, if you're half the ruler I think you are, you'll be the best ruler that anyone alive has ever seen."

"Thanks Ava, Helen... I think. You really think I'd be a good ruler?"

Ava nods emphatically. "You're ruling over the Reach now and are doing great. Do you remember how nervous everyone was when we first showed up? Now they cheer you, and tell you about their families when we go for a walk and say hi."

"Believe me when I say, I've known Emperors Melody." Raaden looks around for something to drink, finds her tea and sniffs it. "You're a better ruler than any Emperor I know." She tosses her tea back. "Come on, I don't feel like sleeping in this mausoleum. Let's go back to High Line and sleep. We can make sure everyone is loaded up and leave tomorrow."

We stand and leave Janais' Palace for the last time.

Ava and I have a comfortable night in our cabin. It's not our rooms in the Royal Dawn, but Omar has really made an effort to make our cabin seem homey. I appreciate it. In the morning I left my cabin and almost ran into an Azurian standing in the hall. "Oh, I'm sorry, excuse me."

The Azurian looked up at me and stepped aside. "Empress."

I made my way down the hall to the Command Deck squeezing past people here and there. Thankfully, when I got there, the only people inside were Ava, Starlight and Janais. "Where's Raaden?" I walked up to Ava and bent down and gave her a hug while she was seated at a station.

"She said it was too cramped, and was going to stay in her room." Ava returned the hug quickly, but then bent back down to her terminal.

Starlight looked up at me. "Empress, this is going to be an unpleasant flight. High Line is overloaded as it is. We should get going quickly."

"Good idea Starlight. Omar, how soon can we go?"

"We're ready now. Ginny and I just finished loading everyone. It's tight, but we can do it in one trip. Actually..."

"Yes Omar?"

"Since things are so tight, and nobody wants to be onboard any longer than necessary do you want to give the wormhole generator a spin and link over?"

"Do we have the power for it?"

"Ginny says we have more than enough for a link of that distance. We could clear the Wilds and link over to the Reach in minutes."

"Okay then. I approve linking from here to Reach of the Might of Vzzx."

"Excellent. I'll let you know when we're ready for you to order it. Maybe another hour."

"We're going to use a wormhole generator?" Janais looks nervous.

Ava looks up. "They're common on our side of the Galaxy, we're using an existing design. It should be no big deal."

She is clearly trying not to look as nervous as she feels. "Then I defer to your judgement, Builder."

I spent the hour on the Command Deck. It was the only place I could have more than a meter on either side of me without risking bumping into someone. As we cruised between the Wilds and the Gate Omar came over the PA. "We have reached safe distance from the Wilds of Besmara. Empress, we can link to Reach of the Might of Vzzx on your order."

"Omar, please link us home."

"Aye Empress."

And... that was that. It was like any wormhole link back home. There was a flash of white, and we were back in the system that housed Reach of the Might of Vzzx. I let out he breath that I didn't know I was holding and...

I heard the screaming.

"What's going on? Omar?"

"It sounds like it's coming from the people from the Wilds. None of them have ever taken a wormhole link before. We forgot to tell them about the side effects."

The side effects.

When humanity developed the wormhole generators, it was discovered that about one in one hundred (now one in one thousand thanks to further refinement of the technology) for lack of a better word dies when we link.

It's not permanent at least. But those people swear they died and visited the afterlife. Usually only for a few moments, but enough people do it that it has opened up all kinds of new theological arguments that people thought were closed and gone millennia ago. It doesn't happen to me, or anyone I know, but from what I understand even when you're expecting it to happen, it can be a shock.

I look over to Janais and... she has tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Janais! Are you all right?" I rush to her side.

She turns and looks at me, wild eyed. "I saw her Empress! I saw my Aeche! She was wearing a beautiful gown and when she noticed me she smiled like a dawning star and walked towards me." Janais looked into the middle distance and continued. "She said "You have done it, just like I knew you would!" I said "Done what?" and she smiled and said "Found our salvation." and then I came back here." She chokes back a sob. "Tell me. Tell me Empress. What did I see? Did I see my Aeche waiting for me, or was is all a hallucination? Did I go to the Beyond, or was it a dream?"

I gently touch her hand. It's warm and soft in mine. "Janais... nobody knows. About one in one thousand people experiences what you just experienced. Nobody has ever been able to confirm if your soul really leaves your body, of if it's just some kind of... mirage. A side-effect of going through a hole in spacetime. People who... experience it have tried asking the people they meet, and they always get a cryptic answer, if they get one at all. In the end, everyone must decide for themselves if it's real or not."

Janais looks at me strangely. She reaches into her pocket and takes out a small handkerchief and wipes her eyes delicately. "Thank you Empress."

What? "You're welcome, but why?"

"You have enabled me to see my love again. I do not know if it is real or not, and right now I do not care. I got to see Aeche again, and she as so happy, so beautiful. If I have to wait seventy four years to see her again, it will still all be worth it." She wipes her eyes again and looks at the forward screen. "Is that the Reach?"

"It is, Janais. Shall we go home?"

She exhales, relieved. It was real. "Yes, Empress. I would like to go home. Let's build you an Empire."

Part 35

#humans are deathworlders #humans are space orcs #humans go on adventure #humans are space oddities #sci fi writing #writing #humans and ai #humans and aliens #the k'laxiverse #jpitha #just a little further

[dragoon811]

I have had a shitty week. Can someone manifest me some good vibes?

Sunday started nice. Monday was a holiday (Family Day) so I got some extra weekend. I was looking forward to it - then Elder Child crawled into my bed just past midnight with a fever.

Monday she stopped eating after lunch (two bites of banana), but was drinking water.

Stayed home Tuesday to help her combat the fever. Wednesday morning she had no fever so my daycare lady was able to take her and I went to work. She kept me updated etc all day.

My gut didn’t like how much she was sleeping so after work I decided to take Elder Child to the children’s hospital. Convinced my husband to pack me a bag, thinking they’d throw Tylenol at us and we’d sit in the waiting room for 8 hours to be told it’s an ear infection/sinus infection…. But I got home to her and her fever returned. (And my period started. JOY.)

Loaded her into the stroller, threw myself in, and off we went! Waited in line at triage.

Triage called us, we weighed her, we talked. And I said I was concerned because she hadn’t eaten, the fever was back, my sister was diabetic and I was starting to worry because when she was sleeping I couldn’t rouse her easily, and her breath smelled and basically asked them to check her blood sugar.

So they did. (This was NOT an enjoyable experience for Elder Child.) it was at 2 - new to how Canadians measure shit, I’m really glad the little screen added in red: “CRITICAL LOW”.

The nurse made a phone call and stressed, surprised, that Elder Child was alert.

Upon the second attempt at a reading because it was low, Elder Child was more prepared. She kicked, she fought, she puked all over herself, and bolted for the emerge doors.

Ok. Skip a second test. (Note: I did not pack spare clothes.)

We were taken right back to a room in the emergency wing. Unsettling.

Then a flurry of people - a lady trying to help Elder Child adjust and calm down. Nurses. Doctors asking questions. (Another note - I have not slept well in 2 weeks, am hearing impaired, and now overwhelmed and scared. Not a good combo.)

Gave Elder Child a nasal spray to calm her (this resulted in another bolting for freedom, also thwarted), another blood check….and once the spray started to work, we tried to prep her for an IV/blood draw.

This was ALSO strongly disliked. More holding her down. I did a lot of crying.

We went through the symptoms - tummy hurting, drinking some water but hadn’t peed in like 6-7 hours, fever, sleeping constantly, not eating. Ended up doing ultrasound, X-ray. Ten bottles of blood (and she FREAKED). Finally got her to pee. Yes, she peed on me.

Refused food. Refused popsicles. Refused juice. Started IV - first sugar bolus. Then hydration. We named the IV robot Frank. Elder Child, loopy from the spray, patted it and told it it was doing a good job. Also, during our walk to ultrasound, said she was Frank’s pet puppy and he was taking her for a walk, see her leash? 😅

Spent the night. (Another note: my daycare kept her sister until bedtime. And we arranged to take her as soon as she woke up because we cannot trust my husband with her care.) Lots more holding her down and blood checks.

Also please note: Elder Dragoon wails and screams when distressed. She was very distressed. I felt really sorry for the staff because I couldn’t calm her.

In the morning she managed to eat a bit! Yay! Tried to disconnect the iv - sugar went down. Hooked her back up. Spent the day trying to get her to drink 100ml of apple juice.

Ended up discharged at almost 4pm - diagnosis: fever, causing hypoglycemia. Apparently kids don’t have as much stores as adults and the fever was burning through what she DID have.

So I spent today waking her every 4 hours and getting her to eat or drink. It took her an hour to drink half a juice box. But by dinner today she was improved and actually had food. And accepted popsicles.

Still have to get her eating or drinking again in about 20min. Then set the timer back.

I just want a full REM cycle of sleep. I am SO fucking tired.

#shut up dragoon811 #baby dragoon the elder #tw hospitals #tw blood #tw sick kid

[lunacvte]

𝐷𝐴𝑇𝐼𝑁𝐺 𝐿𝐸𝑉𝐼𝐴𝑇𝐻𝐴𝑁 𝐻𝐸𝐴𝐷𝐶𝐴𝑁𝑁𝑂𝑁𝑆 ʚ🧸ྀིɞ

۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵

A/N ~ I haven’t made a post in a HAWT minute and thought doing some headcannons would be fun <3 I try to make some of these canon while also having some be fun and creative :3

gn!reader x Leviathan <3

game: Obey Me! Shall We Date?

Warnings: none but a crap ton of cute <3

To start off, Levi is such a sweetheart, even when he’s trying to be mean and tough towards you

I mean, after all, you’re just a “normie” who “gets in the way of him and his anime/video games and rurichan!!”

But his expressions and face always say something different

He could be sputtering all these comments and nonsense at you as his face is literally the combination of BEET AND TOMATO red. And that’s dark.

luckily, once he starts warming up to you and allowing you into his more personal life, you both see each other as amazing as the other.

The day he finally works up the nerve to ask you out, he spends at least 2 hours rehearsing what he’s gonna say to you, while pretending that his pet Henry 2.0 is you-

Yes, this man would spend 2 hours asking out a fish.

He hardly got through his whole speech before you were already jumping into his arms shouting out “yes!! Of course!!”

Levi was happier than the day he discovered ruri-chan. And that’s saying a LOT.

From that point forward, he treated you like an absolute doll <33

gaming night? Nah, gaming WEEK. fr you guys would pull at most - 4 all nighters just gaming. Of course you’d sleep through the whole morning

All the brothers - ESPECIALLY Lucifer - scolded Levi for the affect his habits and schedule has had on you, since you picked it up after him eventually.

“Levi. Do you see the state Mc is in? They’re hardly sleeping, only eating a few meals a day, their eyes are red and puffy, their grades are dropping - how do you not see how wrong this is??” - Satan

*eye twitching* “Keep this up and i’ll be taking Akuzon privileges away from you. Then you wont have games to pull all nighters for. Oh, and a punishment. For the both of you.” -Lucifer

“OI! Look what you’ve done to Mc! How am I supposed to cheat off their homework and exams if their fallin’ asleep in the middle of classes?? Ya better fix their schedule Levi!” -Mammon

*LE GASP IS REAL* “Levi! What have you done to our gorgeous, lovely Mc?? Look how pale and hungry they are- and the dark bags.. the hair- Mc, love… to my room! Right this instant! Asmo will fix you right up with a nice warm bath and spa day~ with me of course!♡” -asmo

“Levi.. at least feed Mc proper food and nutrients, how are they gonna be strong and healthy enough to defend themselves while down here? It’s not healthy to skip meals, come on Mc. We’re gonna order everything at Hell’s Kitchen.” -beel

“You’re taking my human sized pillow away from me.” -belphie

He’s had enough of the complaints 😻 SO, he actually changed up his daily routine to help you get back to being healthier <3

It was a bit tough at first, but he realizes that you’re human and don’t exactly have the same functions as a demon.. you actually need sleep and proper food and all that…

So now you both eat 3 meals a day, sleep 8+ hours, and you’re back to excelling in your classes <3 all while fitting in some time to watch movies, play games, cosplay, read or cuddle together!

He is someone who never had a lot of affection - with him being a shut-in and all that- so he wasn’t exactly the best at giving/receiving attention and love.

But as time went on, it got easier! And you’ve truly changed him as a demon <3 he gives the best - and i mean the BEST cuddles ever. Even when he’s small spoon!

Was a bit inexperienced with… well, pretty much everything, but he learned quickly as you helped him feel comfortable and confident with everything he did :)

He is very very very soft for you <3 you both rarely -if not never- fight or have arguments, you’re both just so healthy and compatible, and he plans on keeping it that way!

He really cares about your health ever since he saw the affect staying up for days and days had on you, and you think its the cutest thing ever <3

Protect this demon AT ALL COSTS. Seriously, even holding your hand makes him a trembling blushing mess

make the smallest kind action towards him and he’d literally ask you to marry him out of reflex-

Texts with him basically consist of:

Keyboard smashes: “LMAOAOANXSM THAT WAS TOO FUNNY ADMIT IT AJFNSJCJSJFHHSJD”

Memes. So. Many. Memes.

“Mc Mc Mc Mc I GOT A NEW GAME BEFORE IT WAS EVEN RELEASEDDD WANNA PLAY IT?? IT’LL PROBABLY GET US TRAPPED IM A TIME LOOP OR A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT UNIVERSE BUT IT LOOKS FUNN :DD”

“Rofl” “lmao” “xD” “LOLOLOL” “yolo tbh” “fr” “kek” AND LOTSSS OF KAOMOJIS LIKE “ʕ； •`ᴥ•´ʔ” “ʕ╯• ⊱ •╰ʔ” “(｀Д´)”（￣^￣)””凸 “(๑•̀д•́๑)”

He literally cries in fetal position everyday and has a sixpack, if this man isn’t perfect to you, LOWER YOUR STANDARDS

Weeb at its finest but you like.. kinda adore that about him or something 😋

#stanlevisupremacy WOOOOOOO

He’s so cute it makes me wanna sob

___________________________________________

ᗦ↞◃ ´༥` 𝑡𝘩𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔!! 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑑𝑒𝑒𝑝𝑙𝑦 𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 <3 𝘩𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑒𝑛𝑗𝑜𝑦𝑒𝑑! :)

𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑎𝑡 𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑢𝑙 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 !! >:0

𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠, 𝘩𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝘩𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑚𝑎𝑧𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑦/𝑛𝑖𝑔𝘩𝑡 𝑚𝑤𝑢𝑎𝘩 <3

𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑏𝑦: 𝑁𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑎_𝑃𝑟𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑜𝑛 𝑡𝑤𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 ❥

#obey me #obey me! shall we date? #asmodeusobeyme #beelzebub obey me #leviathanobeyme #obey me mammon #obey me belphie #lucifer obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me levi hc #obey me levi fluff #obey me levi x reader #obey me levi x mc

[ryverbind]

Faceless Fixation {Sal Fisher}: Strawberry Lipgloss [8]

"Okay," I tell dad through my sleepy eyes and groggy voice. "I have to make this believable." Dad nods ferociously, eyebrows drawn together curiously. 

"So, excuse me for a moment," I say, holding up a finger and clearing my throat. Then, I scream a good, long, loud, unnecessary scream.

Dad flinches and I can't help but smile when he glares at me, clicking his tongue and undoubtedly disapproving of my unsavory tactics.

I finish my scream and cough a bit. That should be enough, seeing as I've managed to kickstart a scratchy throat.

I fish my phone out of my carry on bag and dial my boss's number. He ends up scowling at my excuse, but I think my coughing and hoarse voice passed his bullshit test. I promised him I'd be heading to the doctor while taking my day off.

My bags were packed and ready to go right before I headed to bed last night. I only left out a change of clothes and my toothbrush and toothpaste for the morning before packing them too. 

I packed my mask as well. I wouldn't be meeting The Faces without it, after all.

A nervous smile pulls at my lips as I think of the intricate purple mask hiding safely in my luggage. I'll be putting it to good use for the first time ever tonight and the reminder sends a rejuvenating pulse through my body.

I'm going to be boarding my flight in about two hours and I'm so excited that I physically and mentally cannot stay still. I'm fantasizing about our meeting, wondering how it'll go.

Larry would probably notice me first and know that I was there. He would jump around like a lunatic and hug me, then try to pick me up with his little lanky self. I'm genuinely looking forward to finally being able to see his long, luscious hair that he's been growing since he was a teenager. 

I haven't seen a photo of Larry since he was eighteen-- he's nearly twenty three now, so I'm sure his hair is incredibly long. He better not have cut it.

Sal will, hopefully, not associate me with a certain Lexi. But would he be kind to me? Would he recognize my voice?

I don't know what to expect of Todd, seeing as he's such a formal guy, but I know Ash is going to know me just by stance alone.

I can't wait to embrace my best friend, feel her warmth and the rush of emotions that'll come with finally being reunited.

I carry these thoughts with me as I tell my dad goodbye, giving him a tight hug and promising to stay safe. I ponder a bit more as I pass through security. I giggle and smile to myself while waiting outside my gate, and I pull out my phone to text Ash just because I can't keep all this excitement to myself as I settle into my seat towards the back of the plane.

All this excitement made the time pass ridiculously fast.

My veins are filled with never-ending adrenaline. My sleep-deprived brain is running on straight expectations and hope. My heart is pumping out optimism and begging for a break, but my mind doesn't let up. We're going to hold onto these positive emotions until we have to go home.

Me hiya ashy!! how's vegas? :P

Ashers &lt;3 Hi baby!!!! Vegas is awesome so far. We're up at the crack ass of dawn  (Larry and Sal hate it but Todd and  I are troopers) for a meeting with some other popular streamers out  here. I think it's some kind of  breakfast meet and greet thing??? Idk. But how are you!!

Me well, not suffering like you guys lmao. just getting ready for an 8 o'clock  shift. the usual.

Ashers &lt;3 Yuck :( make sure you punch your boss for me. He's the whole reason I won't be seeing you!!!

Me no issue there. i've been waiting to lay a good one on him for ages. you're just giving me a good excuse to actually go through with it :3

Ashers &lt;3 That is my job as your bad influence ;)

Me prayer hands to that, babe. wouldn't be where i am today without miss ash's guidance <333

Yes, I know, I should just tell Ash that I'm literally about to take off on a flight headed straight to Las Vegas, but the prospect of surprising her-- seeing the elation and shock on her face-- I can't pass that up. This'll be worth it.

"Would you like something to drink before we take off, ma'am?" 

My head flies up and I meet a flight attendant's smiling gaze. Her lips are a fiery red, her hair meticulously and beautifully fixed into blonde waves flowing down her back.

I gape at her beauty for a moment before smiling politely. "Um, would you happen to have coffee? Or tea?" I ask after a moment, wincing at my own awkward question. I just really need some kind of caffeine. 

"We have both!" she chirps, her sweet voice reminding me of Ash's. I can't help but smile wider at the connection. "Which would you prefer?"

"Coffee, if possible," I say, squeezing my phone a little tighter in my hands.

"Great! Creamer and sugar as well?" 

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you!" I tell her, to which she nods then walks over to the seat in front of me to ask the people ahead the same thing.

I glance down at my phone again just as our pilot announces that we'll be taking off within a few moments. That means I won't be able to talk to Ash for a bit.

Ashers &lt;3 Aww, you're too sweet, my little love. I'll always be here to catch you when you fall :D

Me i would hope so!! i have to go though, so i'll text you in a bit when i get a break, kay?

Ashers &lt;3 Sure thing, sweetness!  Se latrevo <3333

Me ermmmmm i love you too??? if that's what that means?

Ashers &lt;3 It's Greek for "I adore you!!!" 

Me cute <333 se latrevo too (LMAO)

I close my phone with a smile as the wheels of the plane start moving, only gaining speed as we practically fly down the runway. Exhilaration takes over my entire body as I look away from the woman beside me and stare at the fast moving objects outside of the little window.

The plane lifts from the ground and my stomach practically jumps in my body, all my limbs tensing up as I cling to the tray in front of me. That's it, I'm officially unable to go back on my last-minute plans.

It feels a bit refreshing knowing that I have no other option now. For the longest time (all night and all morning), I didn't think I'd actually be able to do it, but here I am. And I'm so proud of myself for this.

With my head held high as my coffee gets placed down beside me, I look around the inside of the airplane, glancing away from people who suddenly meet my gaze. I'm not embarrassed though, I'm on top of the world right now. There isn't a single thing that could turn my mindset around. 

I'm going to finally fucking see my friends!

My eyes travel along the various rows of seats that I can physically see (which isn't all that much) and I'm momentarily blessed by the sight of a little fur baby passing by my row.

I perk up a bit more instantly, smiling as the woman sitting beside me spews out an audible, "Oh my goodness! Look at that baby!"

I watch the exchange between the woman and pet owner, noting the yellow lab who sits right on top of its owners feet, tongue hanging out of its mouth like it doesn't have a care in the world. The little vest around it's body catches my eye and I find myself respecting the lady beside me for not reaching out to pet the sweet baby. It's a medical service dog.

"What's their name?" The woman beside me asks, smiling down at the dog who pants heavily.

"Her name is Yeager," The owner says proudly, giving their dog a little head pat. "She's a cardiac alert dog, so thank you for letting her do her job."

"Oh, no need, honey!" The woman says politely before smiling at little (well, rather large actually) Yeager again. "What a hard-working little thing! She's such a good girl."

Watching the exchange suddenly turns into a horror movie for me, actually, it's a bit more like a nightmare in which I can't wake from. You know, when you're being chased but you physically can't move. That's exactly how I feel-- the freeing feeling of taking flight is replaced by the very obvious realization that I can no longer escape the personal hell that I've stuck myself in.

Fuck. Oh no.

I've really made a terrible mistake. Why couldn't my father have let me cry for a few days?

Is there any possible way for me to get off this plane? I don't care if I lose my life. It's better than landing in Vegas within the next hour. 

We're already over three thousand and something feet in the air and probably traveling over a hundred mph, but maybe I can just... you know... pop open the emergency hatch and launch myself out of it. At least everyone would be able to talk about how I went sky-diving at my funeral. 

The woman and the owner of Yeager continue to chat for a bit while I try to contain my flaming cheeks and wide eyes, pushing down the memory that holds me in a vice grip-- it's like I'm bound in chains, forced to listen to everything all over again.

How could I have forgotten? And worse, why did this woman calling a dog a good girl resurface the fucking memory? I'm losing it. It's official.

I was so preoccupied with not being able to go to Las Vegas that I forgot why I really shouldn't fucking go. And now it's too late.

I completely ignored the lingering memory of one of the most exhilarating nights of my life. 

Yea, I'm an idiot. An unremarkable one, mind you, who was, again, reminded of Sal and I's salacious act simply because a woman uttered the words "good" and "girl" to a dog. The dog isn't my issue because she is, in fact, a good girl. I'm just shocked that I've traveled this low on the pyramid of idiocy and lunacy. 

Sigmund Freud really would have loved me.

I finally decide to just duck my head down and let it rest on my tray, nearly knocking over my fresh, scalding hot coffee. My eyes are still wide as I cross my arms around my head, my cheeks still burning with the rage of 25,000 babies being denied titties. I mean, what better way to explain how betrayed I feel? And not to mention, I'm the damn betrayer. I've betrayed myself. Larry would be proud of that statement, at least.

Sally and I haven't talked about what happened-- nor do I want to talk about what happened (it's unavoidable). We haven't even spoken since he left me hanging like a little bitch when Larry jumped into the voice chat and scared the orgasm out of me. 

Somewhere, somehow, my unconscious brain decided it would be a fantastic idea to have the conversation with Sally in person. Now, I'm forced to do just that. Fucking hell. 

I gulp down my overwhelming feelings. There's no going back now, unfortunately. I'll just have to devise a plan that keeps Sally Face's mouth shut until we're alone (which I pray never happens) or until I'm back home, safe and sound. 

Actually, this might be good for me. Sally, despite his shitty vendetta against me, is actually pretty shy and quiet in person. I doubt he'd be brave enough to say anything out loud, so maybe this will prolong the time I have before having to talk to him about our weird phone sex thing that happened the other night.

I mentally pat myself on the back. Maybe I'm not all that dumb. I, miraculously, have some kind of intellectual influence deep down for me to be this smart about avoiding an unwanted talk with my enemy. Perfect.

Doesn't change the fact that Sally is dangerously hot though, by the way.

Either way, I have to look Sally in the eye later knowing that I heard him beating the crap out of his dick to the thought of me. I'll never forget it, and part of me doesn't want to. It was really good.

And I'll also have to look him in the eye knowing that I completely submitted to him and tried to defy him in the end. And he'll know that too.

The thought makes me shiver and I feel like I might vomit for a moment. Whether I have to talk to Sally or not about what we did, I absolutely have to be near him tonight even if I don't want to. I can't escape his presence any longer.

If I think about my future dilemmas any more, I actually will jump out of this plane and risk everyone else inside of it the second I open this emergency hatch. Which, by the way, said emergency hatch is perfectly placed beside me like it was planned out beforehand that I'd sit in a place where I could make a quick getaway. That's it, death by sky-diving is my destiny.

Fuck this-- not like I can actually go back to twenty minutes ago and step off this plane. My fate is sealed and so is my fucking seat belt.

I huff out a quiet, pitiful sigh and close my eyes, wiggling in my seat to get into a better position. My coffee will go cold, but it's better than stressing over the near future knowing I had no time to prepare. Not to mention, any announcement from the pilot would probably stress me out and make me think I'll die. So a nap will do better than my anxiety will for the next hour.

And my nap turns out to be atrocious. I'm trapped in a cage, Sal's tattooed arms chaining me in. It's almost morbid-- especially since I still took the time to trace every inch of what I could remember about the intricate designs on his skin. I am a mess even when asleep and the messy part of my brain follows me into the waking world when a gentle shake startles me from my stupid ass dream.

I throw my head up, eyes wide as I turn to the woman beside me. She has a gentle smile on her lightly worn features, a couple grey hairs peaking through the dark strands that hang over her shoulder. She has a bag in her hand as she stands and people rush past her.

We've landed.

I take a deep, sleepy breath and smile at the woman. "Thank you," I mumble the raspy words, stretching quickly before standing up. "Didn't realize I slept so long."

"That's alright, sweetie," the woman says comfortingly. At least she's nice-- though, I'd gathered that much from the way she spoke to Yeager earlier. "Just wanted to make sure you got off the flight." She gives me a little nod then turns, walking off of the plane.

I deflate in my seat and watch a wave of jet-lagged people pass through the aisle in front of me, waiting for the crowd to clear up before I start gathering my things. I'm in no rush now, remembering that I'll be seeing Sally Face come nightfall.

But I'll also be seeing Ash, Larry, and Todd...

I lift myself from my seat with a grunt and push past a few people to quickly grab my bag from the compartment above my row of seats. 

After getting off the plane, waiting for my second bag isn't too rough. It takes a good ten minutes for it to finally pop up on a conveyer belt, but I take off to a Starbucks next to the bag pick-up area to grab breakfast, which consists of a bagel, a cake pop, and a peppermint mocha frappuccino because it's my favorite bitch coffee ever.

I travel through the airport, one bag on my shoulder (which holds my breakfast) as I drag my suitcase behind me and glance around with my green straw in my mouth, constantly sipping on my cold coffee that is ten times better than whatever I ordered on the plane, clearly, since I ended up throwing it away anyway.

People whiz past me, disappearing up escalators or squeezing through packed doorways. I don't wish to be anywhere near it, I mean, who would? That's an anxious nightmare, but I know I'll have to subject myself to that torture eventually. I might as well just get it over with now so I can hail a taxi and get to my hotel. Then, I can hide for the rest of the day until tonight.

I push past a few people as I make my way to the doors leading out of the airport. I wish I could get a good look at my surroundings because the airport is ginormous, but I'm too focused on getting out of dodge. I have so many things I want to look forward to and want to avoid all at the same time, but I can't do that until I finally have time to relax in my hotel room.

I manage to panic enough to the point where I disregard anyone ahead of me in line and just grab a taxi toward the back, more than ready to get to my hotel and crash for the next few hours. I don't even want to think about how excited I am to see Larry, Ash, and Todd because the fear of seeing Sally just completely ruins it.

So I get dropped off at a plain Hilton a couple blocks away from the strip at about twelve in the afternoon, check into my room, and drag the remainder of my dignity as well as my heavy bags up a few stories before finally just crashing onto my bed.

I want to cry because I'm starting to wonder if this was a bad idea, but I am in Las Vegas. Dad paid for me to come visit my friends, so I have to do it. I'm sure it'll work out anyway. I doubt it'll turn out too bad, my head is just messing with me like it always does.

But right now, things just suck. The only good thing about my trip at this exact moment is that my bed is insanely comfortable. That's a pretty awesome outcome seeing as I just want to sleep to ignore all of my worries.

My day seems to fly by as though it's been sped up. My plane ride was made quick due to me being so much of a mess, and now my day is gone since I somehow wake up at about six in the evening.

I'm too distressed to put an actual meal in my stomach, so my dinner consists of complimentary cookies that got dropped onto my tray in the airplane. I can't stomach anything more than that. And for the rest of the time, I watch a few reruns of The Office, tucked into the sheets of my bed with the comforter pulled up to my chin.

At some point, I lift my phone that's been laying face down on my bed to see a missed call from Ash, a few texts in the Discord chat, and then I notice that it's fucking 8:30 pm.

On a normal day, I'd use my lateness as an excuse to just not go altogether, but I didn't waste dad's money and I didn't come all the way here to not see my friends.

I can call, well, talk to Ash later. She'll be seeing me soon anyway.

So, I jump out of bed with a frustrated curse slipping past my lips and run into the bathroom beside my bed. It's a small room, not like I need anything big. I'm just one person.

I'll have to be... fashionably late, I suppose. No issues there. I'm sure many people are going to show up late. It's not like it'll end thirty minutes after it begins, right?

I take a quick shower, blow dry my hair, and put on some eyeliner and mascara. I'm not trying to make a statement. If anything, I'm trying to fly under the radar. Hopefully the little bit of makeup conceals me from being recognized. The last thing I want is for Larry or Todd to recognize me as y/n.

After my face and hair are done, I throw on fishnets and tuck a Fall Out Boy shirt into a black skirt that rests on my hips, then I throw on my worn black and white, hightop vans.

It's nothing special. My boi Kieran said to wear whatever, so I am. At least the fishnets add a little fun to the look.

My last little addition is the mask I bought just a few days ago. It feels as though it weighs hundreds of pounds in my two small hands. But not in a bad way-- I just cherish it so much that the weight of its unspoken value almost seems to double as I simply gaze upon it.

With a breath, I situate it onto my face, tucking the straps under my hair.

I pack a few bills into the back of my phone case and check my bank account, making sure I have a bit of money there too in case I need it. Then I finally run out of my room and out of the hotel in general, hailing a taxi who takes me through the city, adding another thirty minutes to my trip because of traffic.

Despite my poor punctuality, I can't help but feel mesmerized by all the tall, lit up buildings swarmed with people. And once the MGM Grand comes into view, I feel nervous with all the people hanging around the entrance like a pond of alligators waiting to feast upon my bones. It's a scary feeling, but hopefully I can squeeze past everyone and find where I need to go.

My taxi stops in the middle of people, right in front of the door. It's worst case scenario-- I have to step out in the middle of a raving crowd. I don't want that, but what else can I do?

I scramble out of the car, swinging around in a panic when the taxi screeches off behind me. I stare at the spot that repopulates with people instantly, all chatting and looking up at the giant, towering building in front of us.

It's hypnotizing, beautiful. I feel dizzy just by staring up at the roof that covers the driveway before I look over to the doors that almost seem to glow. But unfortunately, the moment doesn't last long because I can't see much through the ridiculous amount of bodies in my way.

Las Vegas sucks while I have my feet on the ground. There are way too many people which makes the views hard to enjoy, especially as I find myself fighting through everyone in my way who just wants casino's.

I eventually stagger through the doorway, trying to hold myself back from running over to a desk with a few workers hanging around. Damn, I really want to go back to my hotel. I've had enough of being around people today.

My stomach feels queazy and my limbs tremble a bit as I take quick steps, my presence easily gaining the attention of a lady working behind the counter.

She smiles politely at me, but a curious, almost wary look crosses her gaze as she watches me walk up. She's probably confused by the mask, but I don't have the time or the desire to explain why I'm wearing it.

"Um, hi," I murmur, smiling carefully. "I'm trying to, uh, get to the roof. For the party." The words are almost too quiet, so I force myself to speak louder despite the tremor tainting my voice. 

"Oh," the woman says sweetly, still eyeing me carefully. "I need to see your invite, then." She's kind, but something about her forced expression tells me she fucking hates her job.

I pull my phone from the waistband of my skirt and open up my email to get to the invite before passing the device to her. I watch as her eyes scan over my phone and she purses her lips before handing it back to me. 

She looks down, grabbing a clipboard. "Name?" she asks.

Yikes. I mean, it wouldn't be my actual name right? Kieran doesn't know me-- he only knows Vi.

"Um, VioletViolence," I whisper, cracking my knuckles and trying to keep my feet still. I don't need to scuff up this nice floor.

The woman's eyes narrow as she drags her eyes over the paper, flipping it to another sheet before her eyes widen a bit, "Aha!" she exclaims, like she's proud of herself. "Here you are. I'll give you a passcode for the top floor, you have to put it in as soon as you get into the elevator. After that, you're good to go!"

She cheered up a lot. I guess it helped to find out that I'm not some random crazy person.

"Oh, okay. Thanks," I smile cautiously.

Turns out, the passcode to the roof is 1989, just like the Taylor Swift album. That'll be easy to remember.

I punch the code into the elevator nervously, watching as a little green light envelops the button for the roof. Then, I travel slowly upwards for what feels like five full minutes until the doors finally open up to a party that practically smacks me in the face.

I look through the crowd, my heart beating wildly while a mix of electronic and rock music pulses in the air around me. People take up almost every inch of space on this rooftop. At some point, I note the LED lighted (and probably heated) pool crowded with randoms.

My eyes wander every which way in awe. I've never been to Vegas in my life, but the view is so much more than I expected now that I'm able to actually get a good look at it. Everything is exceptionally tall, super modernized and lavish, and lit up with a plethora of colored lights. Actually, I can see The Venetian from here.

I make my way to the edge of the rooftop, squeezing past people to get a good glimpse of the lights, buildings and moving life below me. 

This moment feels so surreal. I'm surrounded by people I don't know, just like I have been all damn day, looking for my four-- three-- friends who aren't even expecting me. Right here, in this moment, I'm alone in one of America's busiest and most well-know cities.

I have so many fucking options. Hell, if I really wanted to, I could jump from this roof to the balcony below and get cheered on. Everything-- anything-- goes in Las Vegas.

The area is fun, but the situation is dangerous. I'm feeling risky. It's a stark contrast to how nervous I was moments ago, but seeing all of Las Vegas from up here has brought me back to life in a way.

To my left is a pool side bar, though, which will ultimately help me in the long run. If I want to pursue my risky thoughts that I'm too afraid to act on when sober, then alcohol is a good start.

I push through bodies again, holding onto one half of my mask in fear. I think I'd call it quits on life if I get pushed around so much that it falls off. Genuinely, I'd just pack up and leave.

Out of everything though, that's my only true fear at the moment, even with the lingering reminder that I'll have to find The Faces soon. I have, well, used to have horrible social anxiety, and yet here I am in one of the most social situations I've even laid my eyes on in years.

Here, I actually have to converse with people unlike whenever I was in the airport and getting into this casino/hotel--whatever it is. This right here is something to feel good about.

I'm proud of myself.

I weave past another person and slap a hand onto the bar counter, hanging on for dear life when a few people shove past me and nearly take me with them. Wincing, I make awkward eye contact with the bartender who just stares at me. 

Yea, asshole. Could have helped.

"Whatcha got?" The bartender asks, filling up multiple glasses. I know he's busy. There are people in every free spot around the bar. What a fucking party, right?

"Um, can I get a screwdriver, I guess?" I yell to him, trying to make sure he can hear me over the music. 

He nods once, grabbing another glass. "$15."

My eyes practically shoot out of my head and I feel like I'll choke on the way I'm being strangled with my pretty much empty bank account. "Is that a joke?" I cough out, watching as he fills the glass up with the equivalent to three shots.

The bartender shoots me a frustrated look that immediately tells me he isn't kidding.

He puts a splash of orange juice into what I would consider straight fucking alcohol then scoots it over to me.

I wince, giving my glass a little twirl in hopes to give myself some clarity and not straight vodka towards the bottom of the glass. Then, I pull a $20 from the back of my phone case and pass it to him. "Keep the change," I murmur, plucking a straw from a styrofoam cup then returning to my task of attempting to find The Faces.

Honestly, finding the group in a sea of people like this is probably impossible. There are just so many bodies and not enough consideration for the poor souls (me) trying to find their way around. 

I can just barely make out an unoccupied stage. There's a microphone set up on it and speakers towards the back. It's right on the edge of the large rooftop, so maybe I'll be able to find some space there and catch a breath before I keep looking.

And of course, I could make this easier for myself and just call Ash. I could make this entire search simpler for everyone by letting her know that I have shown up. Who wouldn't do that?

But I'm scared. I love Ash more than anything and she's my best friend, but I also haven't seen her, Larry, or Todd in over ten years. The thought of physically reconnecting after so long worries me. Talking online is easy compared to actually being there, in person, flesh and all, for the thought process of every single question and answer. What if we all are too awkward and don't know how to physically speak to each other?

It's an anxious worry that makes me shiver as I break through the end of the thick crowd.

Suddenly though, I don't have any time left to worry again like I've been doing all day.

I should have known that Sally Face would be as close as he could possibly be to music. Thus, there he is, standing in front of the stage with his back leaned against the edge. And where he goes, the rest of the group goes.

All the air leaves my lungs all at once. My feet are cemented to the ground and my free hand bunches into the fabric of my black skirt.

They stand in a row-- Sally, Ash, Larry, then Todd.

Sally Face is the shortest one in the group. I never would have suspected it just by meeting him once. I mean, he isn't exactly short. I'd say he must be between five foot eight and five foot ten. That's a decent height. But Ash is a head taller than him-- that alone shocks me into stillness. And Larry is even taller than Ash. Then Todd is about Ash's height.

As always, Sally looks delectable. Just looking at him once fills me with memories of his sultry, dirty words and the feeling of his skin beneath my fingertips. What a dangerously frustrating man.

He's wearing a tan, almost sandy colored, Memphis May Fire shirt paired with black jeans and classic vans. The neutral colors clash wildly against the bright, slap-you-in-the-face color of his hair alongside his expressionless prosthetic, but I'm into it. He looks so fucking good and I can see the tattoos on his arms so well.

How I ache to run my hands over every inch of ink covering his skin. To see him flinch beneath my touch again. To read his story depicted in images that stain his body. It's a deep yearning that fills me with a feeling akin to rage-- it's just as euphoric, adrenaline-inducing, and deteriorating as rage is to me. 

My eyes rake over him inch by inch, dragging up and down slowly until I've memorized each curve, crevice, freckle, scar, and every other little thing easy to miss regarding his physical body.

I wish I could see more of him. I want nothing more than to peel that prosthetic off of his face and get a look at the beauty he hides so desperately. I just know deep in my soul that he's pretty. There's no way a handsome asshole like him wouldn't have a pretty face.

His electric blue eyes rake across the area in front of him, but he thankfully never looks at me. It gives me an open opportunity to ogle him from afar. 

I trail my eyes from his bruised fingertips, all over his ink-stained forearms while I meticulously map out each twist and turn of the veins that lead up to his lightly bulging biceps. Then, I follow the curves of his lightly scarred neck. 

Somehow, the in-person image of his pretty throat is better than the photo Larry sent me. That shattered sword tattoo glints under the lights, a result of the thin sheen of sweat on his skin. It brings out the barely noticeable differences in the color of his skin-- his scars. They're lining the underside of his jaw and just a bit on the left side of his neck. I wish I could bite into his skin.

His messy hair and fringe cover the top and sides of his prosthetic, but I'm still able to get a good look at the dips and curves of every inch of it. I'm even able to see the top corner of his prosthetic that's pink instead of white. I wonder why that is.

But even if they aren't real, I can't help but stare at his prosthetic lips. Someday, I'll get to feel his real lips behind the barrier between me and his face.

I try to shake off the simp side of my brain, shocked at my own thoughts. Why am I so eager just over one look at him? Am I that bad off right now? This is an issue.

Sally Face is dangerous.

He has this confident, god-like aura about him that drips with the equivalent to gold-- if there was a color to describe the way he acts, it would be gold. It's in his stance, in his sharp and hypnotizing gaze, in the way he curls his fingers towards himself in a gesture as Ash watches him-- they're likely talking. 

Sally face is tantalizing in every aspect of who he is. Personality, looks, vibes. I want my fingers in his cerulean hair so I can ruffle up the soft looking, layered waves. I want to drag my fingertips down the few scars littering his neck. I want to shatter that sword on his throat a little more, see how much deeper he can break. I want his pale skin between my teeth, and I want his gaze on me. 

But these are silly thoughts. I can't embrace or act on them. Especially not right now.

I turn my gaze to Ash, the reincarnated Aphrodite dripping in modern eloquence. When imagining the most beautiful woman to walk the earth, I'd think of her over and over again. I feel that anyone else would, too. 

Ash's hair has grown since her major cut about a year ago, it's just hanging over her shoulders, brushing her upper back. It's the color of silky chocolate, flowing smoothly and elegantly as though she'd spent hours preparing it. And hell, maybe she did spend a while fixing it up. But the point is that she makes effort look effortless. 

The model-like air about her is swathed in a kind-hearted and welcoming feeling that comes just from seeing her do something as simple as smile. Ash is completely one of a kind, an alien in a realm where beauty is misguided and thought to be something else entirely. She's too breathtaking to be walking within ten feet of me. She's too good for this universe she's been sent to.

Ash is wearing a maroon colored dress that hugs her curves in every perfect place possible. There's a slit going up the right side of the dress-- her thigh squeezes against the fabric, more than likely attracting every person's attention within a three-mile radius. She's simply and utterly a sight to behold.

Not like she needs makeup, but even the little bit that she's wearing on her celestially stunning face compliments her dress, her personality, and her overall aura perfectly. Just a little bit of a dark brown shade on her eyelids, accentuating the glowing color of her viridian irises as she, oh shit, makes eye contact with me. But it's only for a moment before she... looks away again? 

Anyway, her pearly white teeth are on display when Sally nudges her, pointing off into another direction. Each of her features lifts with the action and makes her look even more otherworldly. She's something else entirely.

I continue dragging my eyes along the entire group, passing my gaze over Larry now who absolutely blows my mind. In fact, I can't quite believe that it's the same scrawny, metal-loving, long-haired, emo teenager I last saw a photo of just two years ago. 

Larry is ripped in every meaning and centimeter of the word. He used to be an awkward, lanky guy-- but now, his biceps seem like they're hardly able to fit into his plain black t-shirt, even his chest is squeezing against the fabric. Veins protrude over the inside of his forearms-- a tidbit I notice when he gestures over to Ash to mention something. 

Small tattoos litter various areas of his tanned arms, little crosses or x's, I even see a My Chemical Romance and Sanity's Fall tattoo on him. The ink is a beautiful complement to his honey-colored skin. He's incredibly handsome, I'll give him that. Even in just a plain shirt, black jeans, and red converse-- he's killing the look and making it something unique to him. Actually, I'll bet he wore that shirt because it looks best on him. 

I trail my eyes up his sculpted neck and to his striking, chiseled face that seems to have matured quite a bit in the past couple years. His eyes are a mesmerizing and dominant shape that beautifully accompanies his dark brown eyes that seem to mimic the shade of black coffee with just a splash of creamer. His angular cheekbones and jawline make him seem like a fully functioning Roman sculpture come to life. And more than anything, I'm so excited to see that the cute gap between his front teeth is still present when he flashes a hypnotizing smile to his left while running a tattooed hand through his hair.

Larry's septum is pierced, a new addition to his look that I didn't hear of. While a minimal difference, it gives him a boost in the 'attractive guy' department. He looks so different, but so familiar. All in all, he looks just as lickable as Sal does, only he's one of my best friends and I absolutely refuse to pursue anything that could break the bond I have with him.

I finally turn to Todd, a fleshed out man who's incredibly elegant in his own right. He's drool-worthy in a contrasting way compared to the rest of the group-- he's the embodiment of an academia professor and he's absolutely killing the look.

Todd's face is cherubic, angelic even but still handsome in a way that seems to make him shine in the dark of the night. The curves of his face are visible, but not sharp and cut-throat like Larry's features are, for example. Little light freckles paint the bridge of his nose and the apples of his cheeks, bringing out the inebriating color of his nearly colorless, inky eyes. Thin lips and a light brush of facial hair on his chin really brings his pretty features together to make him look even more attractive, especially under the moonlight and LEDs. 

His curly, red hair is styled in a side part, a singular curl hanging over his forehead in a way that fills me with an urge to push the hair into place with the rest. And perhaps he styled his hair like that on purpose, to make everyone yearn to touch him. 

He's dressed in black trousers that are perfectly ironed, a white, button-up dress shirt, and a dark grey blazer that could almost be considered some type of trench coat if not for the style. Then, a pair of shiny black dress shoes.

Todd pulls off the look wonderfully, and never in my life did I imagine I would ever see him sporting dark colors, but the neutral and darker shades look amazing on him. Compared to the monotonous, bright-colored boy I knew as a child, Todd has matured into what he was always meant to be. And fuck, Neil is a lucky guy.

All of my friends are so hot that they are too hot for me. How could I possibly walk up to the equivalent to famous paintings and sculptures? I mean, they're so perfect that I feel as though I need to do a double-take because I can't wrap my head around the fact that they're real. How can anyone be so absolutely gorgeous? Not to mention, four of them standing side-by-side in the same exact place at the same time. And the slim chances that they all became best friends just tops it off and I feel burning jealousy over the thought of it.

I'm not jealous over their friendship or their looks, just that they seem so happy. Joy and true contentment is a feeling I've chased all my life, but never quite gotten close enough to grasp. To know that my full potential with happiness is out of reach, but they're bathing in the feeling... it makes me feel even farther from getting to embrace positivity.

But maybe this is a sign. Maybe they are my opportunity to drown in the throes of joy. Maybe they're meant to be my happiness-- my contentment personified, depicted in the form of actual physical, human beings.

Could be. I've never looked for parts of myself in others because I've always felt that my own emotions are something I have to achieve on my own.

Maybe I've been looking at everything all wrong. Maybe... maybe my morals are outlandish and out of place to the point that I've been depriving myself of real chances to feel something.

I know this-- I literally see an open opportunity to pursue one of my biggest dreams right in front of me, and yet I'm still unable to move my feet. I can't make myself finally meet what I've always wanted.

I can't even tell my friends hello.

This is pissing me off. Why can't I fucking move? I flew out last minute and have spent hours waiting alone to surprise my friends, but I'm too cowardly to actually spend time with them? Absolutely pathetic. I'm disappointed in myself and I'm tired of feeling that way.

I pat a hand around the top of my drink until I grab onto my straw. I pull it into my mouth and gulp down liquid fire as I let my eyes continue wandering over The Faces repeatedly. Yea, I probably look like a creep but I won't be able to walk up to them unless I have something to boost my confidence. As far as I'm concerned, alcohol is the only confidence I have. And if I look away from the group, I could lose them. I don't want to trek through this minefield to find them again.

It takes me a moment to trick myself into thinking that the alcohol will take effect immediately, but my legs finally move. I feel like I'm floating-- and way too fast at that-- as I grow closer and closer to the group, looking to Ash like a lifeline. 

Out of everyone here, I'm closest with her and I'm begging, praying with just my eyes that she looks over and recognizes me and helps me grow accustomed to finally being around again.

More importantly, I hope no one is awkward with me. I think I'll just turn around and catch a plane back home if shit flops.

I get close enough to the point that Ash turns to me with a mix of curiosity and concern dancing in her eyes. I feel self-conscious beneath her gaze, but the look in her eyes slowly turns into something interesting and I find myself shrinking a bit as I stop my pursuit just two feet away from her.

My vans scuff the ground when I stop and I tilt my head up to look into her enthralling green eyes. My heart pounds wildly against my ribcage and my palms grow clammy all the while Ash simply grins down at me. Her irises twinkle, an intrigued look passing through her gaze.

"Hi," her soft, melodic voice purrs. "Nice to meet you."

Oh.

I'm thrown off by the fact that she can't recognize me, but when the mask is taken into account as well as the fact that she hasn't seen a photo of me since I was sixteen, it's understandable.

Not only that, I'm preoccupied on the thought that it seems she may be trying to flirt with me.

"Hi," I greet back, fighting off any possible signs of nervousness. I'll murder my anxiety if I can't play off my fear right now. One thing's for sure though, I don't have to worry about any awkwardness. "We've met before," I add in, giggling a bit.

I shock myself when the sound comes out a bit seductive. I don't mean to flirt back-- but what's the problem with that? Ash is my best friend for one, we flirt all the time, but she's also fucking stunning. I see no problems.

Ash tilts her head, scrunching her eyebrows as she flashes her perfect smile at me. Her eyes trail over my body and I instantly feel myself stiffen, heat washing over my cheeks. Her reaction to me is real-- this isn't us acting friendly because we know each other. This is Ash rizzing up a stranger.

"Really? I think I'd remember you if we've already met," she says with a soft laugh, chewing on her bottom lip as our eyes meet again. "When did you see me?"

I suck in a breath, trying to calm my fluttering heart and hot cheeks. "Instead of telling you," I say randomly without any thought, "How about we play a game? The group of you can try and guess who I am." Smiling, I glance over at Larry who's smirking down at me, his sharp eyebrows and deep gaze forcing that blush back to my cheeks.

Todd watches me, expressionless with his hands in the pockets of his neat pants. He doesn't move an inch. 

And I don't dare look at Sally who's been quiet too.

Ash narrows her eyes, pinching her lips together to contain a smile. She glances to Sally then over to Larry and Todd before focusing on me again. "Okay," she hums. "I love games."

I flinch back when she gravitates a bit closer to me, her gaze flickering over my mask then to my lips. Is this the same Ash who screamed in excitement over everything when I was younger? And scarier, I find my heart racing because her interest in me is exciting.

Two can play at this dangerous game.

I take another leisure sip of my drink, bringing it to my mouth with shaky hands as I turn my gaze to Ash's glossy lips. 

Her top lip is a bit bigger than her bottom lip. She has a soft cupid's bow accentuated by highlighter that was purposefully and meticulously placed there. Her lips look soft, plush. Maybe it's just the glitter or the way the lights reflect off her lipgloss. Either way, I'm sure she'd be fun to kiss.

What the fuck am I doing?

Ash leaves my field of vision almost immediately. I look up, noting that she's sat on the edge of the stage with a smirk on her hypnotizing lips like she knows she has me wrapped around her finger.

"So, Mystery Girl," she says, a seductive lilt to her sing-song voice. "Can you give me a little hint to start?"

I glance over, making eye contact with a concerned Sally Face. One of his elbows is propped on the stage behind him and the other is languidly resting on Ash's thigh. 

He watches me carefully, no doubt sizing me up. I've noticed that he finds threats to his group then carefully assesses them. The fact that I'm saying I know Ash probably raised alarm bells in his head.

I look over to Larry next, watching as he raises his eyebrows and turns his back to me, leaning his elbows on the stage as he watches Ash's side profile. He has a really nice, strong back, by the way. Also, I'd love to braid his hair one day.

Todd stays in his same position, he even rolls his eyes when Ash tilts her head at me, waiting for me to give her an answer.

But what kind of hint could I give her? Almost anything I'd say would make her figure me out immediately. I'm really having to think hard about this because everything that comes to mind is something she knows.

I'll have to be careful about this. I have to give her a hint of a hint. Something she may have a memory about, but doesn't know for sure.

I bring my straw to my lips, sipping until I get closer to the bottom. Straight fucking vodka. Damn that bartender.

"Sorry, I'm thinking of a hint. I don't want to give myself away," I muse, throwing a wink at Ash. She immediately grins. "That would take the fun out of the game, wouldn't it?"

Ash giggles cutely as Larry turns around again, watching me with narrowed eyes and a ghost of a smile on his lips. What is that hunk of hotness thinking? I already know what's going through Sal's head-- but is Larry on his level?

"You're right. Take your time," Ash says in her soft, lulling voice.

I pull my bottom lip into my mouth, still thinking as hard as I can. I'm coming up with blanks. I need to pull a rabbit out of a hat, but I'm going to have to stall until I get there.

"Want to hug me and see if it feels familiar?" I ask, narrowing my eyes and opening my arms. My hand tightens around my drink as it slowly slides through my fingers.

Ash's eyes widen slightly and she stands again, her feet tapping the ground once she slides off the stage. She looks off to the side and purses her lips, taking just a step toward me. "Can I kiss you instead and see if that feels familiar?"

My breath catches in my throat and the drink in my hand feels even more slippery as I try to jump over this shock hurdle. I need to get myself together and answer her instead of actually going with this insane proposition she's dropped on me like a weight. 

"We aren't familiar in that way, darling," I giggle lightly, letting my arms fall to my side.

Ash shrugs, a guilty grin pulling at her lips. "And? We can just do it anyway."

A deep, amused cackle makes me look past Ash and to Larry who has a hand over his mouth. "Sorry, couldn't hold back the laughs," he snickers. His sharp eyebrows arch further as he raises them at me. "You're in danger, MG."

"That's comforting," I say, laughing at Larry's failed attempt to hide his reaction to me and Ash's flirting. He's an evil little thing and clearly he chases a tense situation to get some laughs. "Maybe Ash is the one in danger."

My eyes cut over to Ash as she takes another step toward me. "Please let me find out if I'm in danger, I promise you won't regret it." She bends her knees just a bit for a moment, clasping her hands together with a mind-swaying look in her eyes. She's begging without words.

I glance at Sally quickly. He's still quiet, but he looks like he's on guard and intrigued at the same time.

Fuck, how do I get out of this. Todd's even standing up straight, watching us with a disgruntled look and curiosity in his eyes. They're expecting me to give in and I'm not entirely sure if I want to say no in the first place. Which is bad. 

I don't have any feelings other than platonic love for Ash, but I've missed her so much that I genuinely would love to kiss her senseless. It's like reconnecting with the other half of my heart for the first time in years-- which, honestly, that's exactly what this is.

"Do you care who I am, Ash?" I ask, tilting my head questioningly. If we're going to kiss, I want to make sure she isn't going to lose her entire head once she finds out who I am. 

"Yes, I want to know who you are. In regards to a kiss, I don't care who you are. When I find out, I'll probably be happy we kissed." She sends me a sweet little smile then licks her bottom lip.

"Okay. Then my only condition is that we are only friends and you have to remember that. Nothing will come of our kiss." I dip my head down a bit, trying to show that I'm being serious.

"If nothing will come of our kiss, then why are we going to do it?" She asks, starting to take quick steps toward me.

I take one step back, just to slow her down until we can finish this conversation. "We're going to do it because you're beautiful and I've missed you so much that I wouldn't be happy with anything less than a kiss."

Ash huffs out a laugh, growing close enough to take my hands into hers and yank me toward her. She towers over me and I have to tilt my head up to get a good view of her. "You must know me well then," she purrs, her expression filled with curiosity and eagerness. She's reckless. It's fun. "Are you ready?"

"I... think so?" I murmur, quickly licking my lips. Ash's cool hand trails up my arm and then to the base of my neck, pulling me closer to her. 

"If you don't want to, say no," Ash says honestly, leaning down so that we're face-to-face. She looks into my eyes, trying to tell me that it's okay to say no. She won't go through with this if I don't want to.

"I-- I want to, I'm just nervous--"

"Don't be nervous. It'll be quick." Ash's serious expression washes away as she glances at my lips then back to my eyes again, pretty smile enveloping her lips again. 

I nod, my heart thumping wildly against my chest as she leans forward. I grab onto Ash's wrist as her other hand gently brushes over my cheek.

And then her lips are on mine. She's still for a moment and so am I, just squeezing my eyes shut as I try to adjust to the feeling of her lips.

They're softer than I expected them to be, but sticky. And for that reason, I grip onto her wrist tighter because it feels like she's stuck to me and I'm not upset about it.

Ash takes my squeeze as a sign, tilting her head a bit. The movement causes her lips to slide perfectly against mine and butterflies flutter to life in my stomach. 

I kiss her back, enjoying the way Ash's lips mold to mine so deliciously. The feeling is addictive and if it weren't for her sudden intake of breath, I'd probably pull her even closer. But her reaction reminds me that we're in public and that this is just a little test.

Ash pulls away just as quickly as she kissed me. She was right-- it was quick. And I actually thoroughly enjoyed it.

My eyes flutter open and I look up. Ash's hands are still on either side of my face, but she watches me with a tilted head and narrowed eyes-- like she's trying to figure me out. Like... the kiss actually gave her a clue, which would make no sense.

Then, she leans forward and slams her lips on mine for just a second. I shake my head once she pulls away and look up at her with a puzzled expression that I just can't control. What the fuck.

"Is your name Victoria?" Ash turns her head to the side, eyes wide and brows furrowed like even she's confused.

I choke on air over the near accuracy. What the fuck kind of succubus is Ash? How on earth did a kiss give her the first two letters of my nickname? Is this some joke? Does she already know?

"No, my name isn't Victoria," I force out through coughs, wheezing as I blink through my tears.

Ash lets me go, putting a hand on her hip and another on her chin like a real Sherlock Holmes.

I glance over at the boys quickly. Larry has wide eyes and a shit-eating grin on his face. Sally's looking away from us with his hands resting between his legs. He isn't slick. Todd is just shaking his head.

Men.

"Well, who the hell are you?" Ash murmurs to herself. 

An audible, obnoxious sigh pulls my attention away from the viridian-eyed beauty again and I look over to Sally who hops off the stage and turns away from us quickly. "I'll be back," he murmurs with shaky breaths. "I'm going get a drink."

Larry snorts. "You lying bastard," he says, patting Sal's back. "You're just as gozzled as me right now."

Sally groans, walking away from Larry without a word. And Larry turns toward him, raising his arms. "What!?" he yells a bit louder as Sally disappears through the crowd. "I'm not wrong!"

"You kiss just like Victoria did," Ash suddenly says, pointing an accusing finger at me. She's gone from playful to serious in just a matter of minutes.

A laugh falls from my lips and my tense stance slackens a bit. "Oh, thank God." I twirl my drink again and shake my head. "I thought you just manifested that name from a kiss. I was freaked."

"Were you?" Ash narrows her eyes and takes a step toward me again. I find that deja vu feeling tickling the back of my brain. 

I swallow thickly, never answering as I look over to Larry with pleading eyes. He only shakes his head, flicking me off with a devious and beaming smile. No fucking help.

"So, was I close with the name then? Because why else would you be nervous." Ash pries, chewing on the inside of her cheek in thought. "Actually, what are you doing here? Why wouldn't you just tell us who you are? Are you someone that we don't like?"

My mouth gapes open like a fish, opening and closing while I fight for an answer. My mouth feels dry and my hands are clammy again. "N-No. You guys like me. You've never had any issues with me, well, Sally doesn't like me but other than that we've all gotten along very well. Incredibly well, in fact!" I hold my hands out in front of me just as Ash stops walking toward me. "You guys love me, well, I hope. Actually, I don't really know. Maybe you all hate my guts, I wouldn't be able to tell."

Ash looks confused, like she's trying to grasp onto what I just spewed at her. My answer didn't convince her, it just fucking confuzzled her.

"I can't believe it." I turn my head when Todd talks for the first time. He doesn't have that borderline angry look on his face anymore. In fact, his eyes are a bit wide and he isn't frowning. I'd say this is his excited face. "You're Vi."

I don't know what to say as my mouth falls open again. I just stare at Todd and that seems to confirm it for him, so I shut my mouth and swallow through the dryness on my tongue. My throat burns and it feels like my heart's dropped out of my ass. I expected everyone to be stuck for hours, not for fucking Todd to sniff me out in just five minutes.

Larry suddenly scrambles into a standing position, his expression the first one I've seen tonight that isn't smiling. His lips are parted and his eyebrows are bunched together like someone just told him Dolly Parton died.

I pull my eyes away from the two men and look up at Ash, noting her slackened expression. Then, suddenly, she's become the same person I see on videos and talk to over the phone. The same best friend that I joke and bicker with. 

In her soft, surprised, high-pitched voice, Ash asks, "Is that really you, Vi?"

There are tears on her waterline, but then there's hope in her eyes. Hope in the way she takes a stumbled step toward me with her hands clutched to her chest like she doesn't know what to do with them.

And I can't tell her I'm not Vi. She looks so torn up in the best way and it would tear me up too if I wasn't honest with her.

"Yea," I rasp out. "It's me, Ash."

Ash turns into a blur as I'm lifted from my feet with immense screams of joy filling my ears. Ash throws me around like a dog's chew toy and bellows so many indecipherable things that I'm taken aback for a moment, but overall relishing in the joy that seeps from her and into me.

"You told me you weren't fucking coming, Vi, what the fuck!? And it's been like ten years! Where the fuck? How-- What-- Where did you come from? How did you get here!?" Ash shrieks into my ear, a sob or two getting twisted into her words.

I chew on my lips, finally wrapping my arms around Ash's neck as she continues to throw me around like I weigh nothing. Hell, she has some upper body strength.

Tears start to sting my eyes as all of my senses are filled. I can smell Ash's coconut scented shampoo, I can taste her strawberry lipgloss mixed with my tears, I can hear her screams mixed with the music around us, I can feel each strand of soft hair and her heart beating wildly against my chest, and I can see Larry and Todd's excited and shocked expression every time Ash swings me toward them again.

"I know. But it doesn't matter because I made it here," I laugh through trembling lips. I sniff when the sound of my own voice hits my ears. Fuck, just hearing that I'm hardly holding it together makes me want to break.

"You're so fucking right. Oh my gosh," Ash cries, finally dropping me to my feet but never unwrapping her arms from my waist.

She squeezes me tightly, then abruptly pulls away, holding me at arms length with mascara bleeding down her red cheeks. "Holy fuck, Vi. You let me kiss you!?" She looks absolutely bamboozled, like she truly can't wrap her head around the fact that our lips touched.

"Uh," I spit out, still reeling from being twirled around like a bug stuck on a carousel. "Yea. We kissed. I told you my conditions. What, do you regret it now?" I narrow my eyes playfully.

Ash slaps a hand to her chest like she's appalled. "What? Hell no, I could never regret it! I just can't believe we fucking kissed!?"

"I can't believe you guys kissed and haven't fucking included me yet. Your turn is over, Ash!" Arms wrap around my middle and I find myself being throw around like a test dummy yet again. This time, the perpetrator is Larry. "I can't fucking believe you're here!" he bellows.

"This entire night is full of you guys being non-believers!" I yell once my feet touch the ground again. Larry spins me around to face him and I feel like I'm going to cry again just over the big smile of excitement on his face. "You guys better start believing because I'm here in the flesh."

Larry bends over to reach me, wrapping me up in a big, strong hug. And, oh yea, I take the opportunity to drag my hands up his muscular arms as I hug him back.

"Stop feeling me up, Vi. Your kiss with Ash was hot enough," Larry laughs into my hair, giving me a squeeze.

I can't help but laugh and quickly wrap my arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry, I couldn't stop myself. I never imagined you'd be so jacked."

"Ha, yea, I honestly didn't see it in my future either, but here we are," he murmurs before pulling away. He looks down at me, tears fucking brimming his eyes too. "Fuck, dude. I might cry. You're such an awesome chick," he says breathily, pretending to wipe tears from his cheeks.

I pinch my lips together and give him my best unimpressed look. "Come on, we're supposed to be strong. No more crying," I tell him.

"Maybe the tears will go away if I get a kiss too.." Larry rolls his eyes very obnoxiously. His gaze cuts to me then he immediately looks away again, being as playful as always.

I sigh, grabbing onto his cheeks. "Come here, jackass," I say, growing excited as I pull him close to me.

Larry murmurs out a "fuck yea" before I quickly press my lips to his. It's a little kiss, shorter than me and Ash's but I was just as eager to do it since I haven't seen him in so long.

When I pull away, Larry scrunches his face up and splutters, wiping at his mouth. "Dammit, Ash," he says, fake gagging. "Why'd you have to kiss Vi first with that stupid lipgloss? That shit is disgusting."

"Hey!" Ash scoffs, walking toward us. "Don't hate on my very expensive, very amazing lipgloss! And besides, Vi seemed to like it well enough."

I scoot my way out of their argument and tiptoe my way to Todd who greets me with a soft smile. I smile back at him and he opens his arms to me immediately. 

My insides jump around in excitement as I jump into Todd's hug, scrunching the fabric of his blazer in my hands. "It's so nice to see you, Todd," I murmur into his shoulder. He smells like cedar trees. 

"It's nice to see you, too, Vi. Sorry I figured you out so quickly," he laughs softly, giving me a squeeze before separating from our embrace. He puts his hands into his pockets then switches his weight to his other foot. 

"It's no issue," I say, waving him off. "I'm really happy actually. I wouldn't have been able to say it myself."

He scoffs lightly, patting my shoulder. "Clearly. Grow a backbone, huh?"

I can't help but giggle as I pat his elbow in return. Todd watches me with a soft look, like he's genuinely happy to see me and that thought feels me with even more joy. Everyone's happy to see me.

Well... almost everyone.

"Vi, what the fuck are we going to do about Sal?" Ash suddenly hisses worriedly, her hands clamping onto my shoulders as she shoves her face next to mine from behind. "He's going to be so pissed!"

"It's alright," I breathe, squeezing my eyes shut as I remember that I still have some true bullshit to handle. "I'm cool," I settle on then turn my head, looking Ash in her pretty green eyes. "I've got this."

________________

A/N::::::: holy shit HI WE'RE DOING CRAZY STUFF

this was supposed to be two chapters. Yep. Somehow, these 11,347 words got fused into one even though they were meant to be separate. I couldn't leave you guys hanging again though, so here we are &lt;3

thank you so much for the continued support. I love you all so much! have a wonderful day/evening/night. tons of kisses!! <333

P.S. I AM EXHAUSTED I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS CHAPTER FOR TWO FUCKING WEEKS

#sally face fandom #sally face fanfiction #sal fisher #future smut #sally face #todd morrison #travis phelps #enemies to lovers #larry johnson #ash campbell

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in - July 24, 2023 🎀

Day 2 was a little different than yesterday, mainly because I had to work an 8 hour shift today, and it wore me out 😭 I still managed to do my morning routine and part of my night routine, so I am really happy with how today turned out regardless!

🩷 What I Ate Today:

Breakfast - A two good vanilla Greek yogurt bowl with cacao and cashew butter granola, a sliced up banana, chia seeds, and some peanut butter! And of course, a cup of coffee and water

Lunch - Salad, topped with Tuna (mixed withavocado oil mayo), small pieces of sharp cheddar cheese, and shredded carrots, and a bowl of watermelon

Dinner - Low carb quesadilla, three air fried Tyson chicken strips, more watermelon, and another coffee

Other - I tried these new electrolyte tablets that were recommended to me, and while I did not like the taste, I noticed a difference in my energy and how I overall felt going back to work after lunch

Water - currently 72oz, but I have another bottle of water on my desk that I plan on finishing by the time I go to sleep

🩷 Workout - Pilates Abs + Nighttime Stretches

This was the first one I *attempted*, and I found it a bit difficult to keep up with mainly because it was my first day back to exercising after a three week break. I did enjoy the format and the exercises were pretty beginner friendly! 8.2/10

This is the next one I did and I really enjoyed it! I loved the movements themselves and while I do wish it had actually been 10 minutes, it was super easy on the body! 9.7/10, I recommend

I had to stop halfway through this one because I am not fit enough to keep up with a chloe ting ab video just yet, although I loved the exercises included and I absolutely love her vibe in all her videos! 8/10

I ended the night with the same stretch video as I like the hip stretching, and it's currently a bit of a challenge since I'm not very flexible right now. 9.3/10

Tomorrow - Lower Body Pilates!

🩷 Habits I Accomplished Today

Made my bed this morning

Did morning and night skincare

Guided journal morning and night

Stretch 5+ min before bed

Read 10+ pages of a book

Workout for 30+ min

Still need to work on morning meditation and doing my daily journaling, but I'm proud of what I've kept up with so far!

🩷 Song of the Day: Up! - Kep1er

🩷 Current Read: Atomic Habits by James Clear

Overall, Day 2 is considered a success! I can't wait for tomorrow, I genuinely look forward to the things I get to do each day, especially now that I'm on this journey and documenting it. I look forward to being able to look back one day and be proud of how far I've come!

Til tomorrow!!

#pink pilates princess #wonyoungism #green juice girl #pink pilates girl #coquette #coquettecore #girlblog #girl blogger #coquette girl #it girl #self love #self care #self care tips #self development #workout #physical health #habits #mental health #health #health & fitness #kpop #wonyoung aesthetic #wonyoung #wonyoung moodboard #wonyoung motivation #chloe ting #blogilates #girly #weight loss #ive wonyoung

[cardcaptorsakura96]

We're All In This Together-Chapter 3

Fandom: Supergirl, Batman, Superman, The Flash

Characters: Kara Danvers, Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Barry Allen, Barbara Gordon, Leonard Snart, Mxyzptlk, John Stewart, Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen

Summary: Kara, Clark, and Barry are taken off guard by a request by the imp Mxyzptlk: watch over and protect the children of their alternate selves from a different Earth. Will our heroes rise to the occasion?

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Kara heard the alarm clock blaring next to her. She cracked open her eyes a bit and saw that it showed it was 5:30 am. Her eyes started glowing red but she quickly closed her eyes.

I already vaporized three clocks the last month. I can’t keep buying more. 

She sighed as she gradually got out of bed, grabbed a robe, and floated out of her room. A smell hit her that was very pleasant. She followed it until she got to the kitchen. Clark was finishing cooking breakfast. Kara’s mouth watered at seeing a big display of eggs, sausage, pancakes, bacon, grits, and orange juice out on the table. Kara quickly floated to the cabinet to get a plate and start stacking food.

Kara beamed at Clark and asked, “Have I ever told you how grateful I am that you cook breakfast every morning? If you didn’t, I would end up going to work starving.”

Clark chuckled and said, “You tell me that every day.”

Kara smirked and said, “The day that I stop is one where there is something wrong with me.”

Clark smiled and said, “I’m glad you love the food, Kara.”

As Kara bit into her pancakes, she noticed that Clark was already dressed in a blue suit with a red tie and had his glasses on. His hair was slicked back and his face was freshly shaven. 

Kara looked at him curiously and said, “I don’t get how you can be so chipper and ready to go in the morning. Don’t get me wrong. I am glad that you make breakfast this early for us, but don’t you ever want to sleep in?”

Clark chuckled as he brought his food to the table, sat down, and said, “I do sleep in though.”

Kara raised an eyebrow and said, “You wake up at 5:00 am. How is that sleeping in?”

Clark smirked and said, “It is for me since I used to have to wake up at 4 am to do chores around the house and barn growing up.”

Kara looked at Clark with abject horror and said, “I can’t believe Ma and Pa Kent would do that to you. That is just awful.”

Clark laughed and said, “Waking up that early was part of running the farm back then. You came around the time when they retired and relied more on farm hands to keep up the day-to-day on the farm.”

Kara smirked and said, “I guess there is one good reason for me arriving on Earth later than you.”

Clark rolled his eyes and said, “You wouldn’t last a day on the barn. 

Kara chuckled while gathering more pancakes. Suddenly, a red blur zoomed by and Barry suddenly appeared in a red pajama top and bottoms. He already had a stack of pancakes, eggs, and bacon in front of him and powering through it in record time. 

Clark looked at him baffled and asked, “What’s the rush?”

Barry looked at him frantic with food still stuff in his mouth and said, “I am late for work. Joe is going to kill me.”

“Since when have you had to go in before 6 a.m.?” asked Clark. 

Barry looked at him baffled and asked, “What do you mean before 6?”

Clark frowned, looked at his watch, and said, “Well, it is now 5:45. I thought you usually have to be at work at 8.”

Barry breathed a sigh of relief and said, “My alarm clock showed 7:45. I guess it is broken.”

Kara looked at Barry sheepishly and said, “Actually, it isn’t broken.”

Barry looked at her curiously and asked, “What do you mean?”

Kara rubbed the back of her neck and said, “I actually pushed the clock several hours forward.”

Barry groaned and said, “What the hell Kara? I know you and Clark don’t necessarily need as much sleep, but we mortals do.”

Kara sighed and said, “I am sorry for the ruse, but I needed you both here to discuss something that we have been avoiding for a while.”

Clark frowned and asked, “Did something happen?”

Kara looked down to twiddle her thumbs and said, “It is not that something has happened. It is more of something that we are not doing?”

Barry raised an eyebrow and asked, “Which is…?”

Kara looked at Barry and Clark hesitantly and said, “Alex and I were talking….”

Clark rubbed the back of his neck and said, “This is already not sounding too good.”

Kara frowned and asked, “Why do automatically assume that?”

Barry shook his head, continued eating his food, but at a slower pace, and said, “Because every time Alex brings attention to a weird behavior you have, you bring it to us to worry over thinking we have the same problem.”

Kara raised an eyebrow and asked, “Isn’t she right most of the time though?”

Barry sighed while eating more food while Clark leaned back in his chair and shook his head. 

“Touché,” said Clark. 

Barry rolled his eyes and asked, “What does Alex think is wrong this time?”

Kara looked up at them hesitantly and said, “Well, none of us has dated anyone in the last three years…”

“No!” said Barry and Clark in unison.

Kara sighed and said, “You guys didn’t even hear me out.”

Clark rubbed the front of his head and said, “Kara, we went over this. Dating really isn’t an option for us.”

“I am not sure if that is exactly true….” said Kara. 

“With everything that the particle accelerator caused, do you really think that is a responsible thing to do right now?” asked Barry.

Kara sighed while leaning back in her chair looking at her friends and roommates. She knew it was going to be an uphill battle conversation with these two. When the particle accelerator exploded, it changed everyone’s lives in the city including theirs. Not only did people become metahumans, but their bodies went through an evolutionary change so that they were either Alphas or Omegas. 

From what they could tell, people affected act very similar to the biological and behavioral features seen in wolves. Alphas tend to be more aggressive while omegas seem more docile. Alpha females gained a penis and omega males gained a uterus. Kara nearly fainted when she saw that she had grown a penis overnight. Mating was a huge thing. Alphas would go through a rut and omegas go through a heat two to three times a year to ensure pregnancy. Alphas and omegas have pheromone glands that give off scents to prospective mates. However, those pheromones seemed to affect only other alphas and omegas. Scenting was important to mark a territory. Pack mentality became very crucial. People that were affected began to form groups usually where there was one alpha around several omegas and regular people. They aren’t able to function alone. They all felt the need to live with each other. Later people called it forming a pack bond. Something so strong that the average person could not break. This was why the three of them currently lived together in Metropolis. Fortunately for them, moving wasn’t really an issue since all of them had super speed even though Barry was ten times faster than both of them. 

Kara sighed and said, “You guys can’t keep listening to those reports on Alphas and Omegas. It is going to drive you crazy.”

Clark rubbed the back of his neck and said, “It is hard to not take it personally when you see the high crime rate of Alphas attacking omegas when they are in a rut or the omega is in heat.”

“Which is starting to go down since S.T.A.R. Labs started producing suppressants to help during ruts and heats,” sighed Kara. 

“Well, what about the other strange stuff like having to live in a pack, mate biting, anatomy changes, and marking a territory? How can we expect anyone to be okay with any of that?” asked Barry. 

Kara tried to give a forced smile and said, “By being open and honest with them.”

Barry scoffed and said, “You were honest, and looked at how that turned out for you.”

Barry winced and quickly looked up to see Kara looking at him with her lip quivering and eyes watering. 

Read the rest on AO3

#mr mxyzptlk #kara danvers #dc comics #dc universe #supergirl #clark kent #barry allen #bruce wayne #leonard snart #barbara gordon #john stewart #lois lane #jimmy olsen #superman #batman #the flash #superbat #karababs #coldflash #Kara Danvers x Barbara Gordon #Clark Kent x Bruce Wayne #Barry Allen x Leonard Snart #supergirl fanfiction #Superman fanfiction #batman fanfiction #the flash fanfiction #superbat fanfiction #coldflash fanfiction #karababs fanfiction #Superman x Batman

[slipping-through-my-fingertips]

In My Head, I'm Yours

Chapter 7: Maybe We Brought the Worst in Each Other

AO3

“I cannot believe you’re studying for finals already,” Thalia said, smearing cream cheese on her bagel.

Annabeth was sitting at the counter, textbook open in front of her next to her bowl of cereal. Underneath the counter was a notebook balanced in her lap.

“I asked to take this one early because it conflicted with my thesis presentation.”

“Of course you did.”

Leo came in, rubbing his eyes, “how long has she been awake?”

“Well, she’s showered and dressed.”

“And studying,” Leo commented.

“And sitting right here and can hear you,” Annabeth said, “I woke up around 8.”

“It’s Sunday!” Leo exclaimed, “why?”

“Actually, it’s Monday,” Thalia corrected.

“Oh well, still.”

“Not all of us can afford to sleep in on weekdays, Leo,” Annabeth said.

“First off, rude undertones. Second, I work nights.”

“Valid point,” she conceded. “Can we just agree that you’ll live your life and I’ll live mine?”

Leo shrugged and popped an everything bagel into the toaster.

It was a study trick of hers to leave her phone charging in a different room. No distractions. But this morning, she forgot to turn the ringer off.

Annabeth placed her notebook on the counter and walked to her bedroom when she heard the familiar ringing. She didn’t recognize the number but picked it up anyway.

“Hello?”

“This is Marc from Athenian, I am calling to speak to Annabeth Chase.”

She swallowed. “This is she.”

Athenian had been the one architecture firm she was looking forward to hearing from. It was right here in the city. They designed some of the most iconic buildings and Annabeth wanted to be a part of it.

By the end of the call, she had a final interview scheduled for next week to go over job responsibilities, get a tour of the firm, and meet her fellow employees. Her heart was threatening to burst.

So she did the only thing she could do, she screamed. Of course, Leo and Thalia rushed to her bedroom.

“Oh my god!”

“Are you okay?”

Annabeth looked up at them. “Athenian called. I got it. I got the job.”

“Oh my god!” Thalia repeated, “are you kidding?”

“Let’s goooo Chase!” Leo screamed.

Soon the three of them were hugging and jumping up and down.

Everything was finally paying off. She was going to be an architect and she’d be the best damn architect this city has ever seen.

“I hate to break up this party but I have to get to work,” Thalia said, pulling away. “But we will be celebrating tonight. I’ll pick up takeout from your favorite place, Annabeth.”

“Sounds perfect. Thank you,” Annabeth said.

For the rest of the day, she couldn’t wipe the grin off her face. Even when she showed up at 1 pm sharp to take her final early, she smiled through the whole exam. Her professor probably thought she was really enjoying those calculus problems.

It was while texting Thalia her takeout order for later when Annabeth realized there was one person she really wanted to see right now.

His apartment was only a subway ride away. And Thalia wouldn’t be home for another hour or so.

If everything was finally falling into place for her, maybe it was time she told Percy how she really felt. Maybe Annabeth really could have it all.

She made it to the apartment in record time. Which meant she had no idea what to say. Annabeth hadn’t planned to give a love declaration today. She didn’t even have time to talk to Hazel about this.

Gods, she should’ve gone to Hazel first, gathered her thoughts, and then showed up here.

It was too late for that though. She was standing at the door. Her hand was raised ready to knock but Annabeth heard voices. She paused outside the door. Even though she knew she shouldn't be eavesdropping. It was Piper talking.

“We have to get another E.P. out.”

“We’re partway through recording one right now,” Jason said. “Let’s finish it and put it out asap.”

“It needs a title still,” Percy said.

“We all know how good you are with names,” Piper teased.

Annabeth smiled remembering the band name story.

“Right, so if the tour begins on June 16th, we should get the E.P. out by mid-May at the latest,” Piper again.

Tour? They were leaving. He was leaving.

Annabeth had to get out of here. Her heart was thundering.

She needed air. Fresh air.

The elevator couldn’t come quick enough. She pressed the button a third time before giving up and running down the stairs. All she wanted was to get out of this building, away from the apartment, and put space between her and Percy.

She laughed humorlessly to herself, Percy was going to put plenty of space between them while he hopped around the country on tour.

She ducked into an ally a few blocks away. Caught her breath and tried to blink away her tears.

Why did she even care? Percy didn’t owe her anything. They weren’t anything.

Just two people, friends even, who had slept together a handful of times. It meant nothing, right?

It wasn’t like he knew exactly how to make her smile with his corny jokes, or made her heartbeat go wild when he walked into a room. Percy certainly didn’t save that look of admiration just for her.

Suddenly, the fact that Annabeth was fairly sure she was falling in love wasn’t so pressing after all.

This is why she always had a plan.

This is why she liked math. You could solve those problems. There was a clear way out.

How was she going to get out of this? How did you fall out of love with someone you weren’t even in love with yet? Someone you weren’t even dating? Someone who seemed to have taken over your life without even trying? Someone who with one glance…she shook her head.

Annabeth took a deep breath and wiped her face. She was Annabeth Chase. She could slay dragons if she had to. She could get over Percy Jackson.

Or at least, she hoped she could.

… Percy hadn’t spoken to Annabeth in weeks. He texted her. Lots. As the tour came closer, the more he wanted to see her.

To tell her. Though she must know by now. Jason would’ve told his sister and Thalia wouldn’t keep that from Annabeth. So why hadn’t she reached out?

No congratulatory text? No I’m happy for you? Nothing about their new music. Their lead single Talk Fast from the E.P. had just come out and was doing well. Though no one knew an E.P. was coming, they were planning a surprise drop.

Still, wasn’t she wondering if the song was about her?

Mostly, he just wanted to hear her voice. But she rarely answered. Those that did receive a reply were one worded. Three words at most.

On Tuesday, when he knew Thalia would likely be at work and Leo was out on a date Percy had set up for him (he knew a girl a few floors down who would be just Leo’s type), he went to see Annabeth.

When she opened the door, he hadn’t expected to see her wearing a cap and gown.

Shit.

“Percy?”

“Yeah, hi,” he said, lamely, “I didn’t know you were…um congrats.”

His annoyance was melting away. This is why she hadn’t texted right? She was graduating. How had he lost track of the days so badly that Percy didn’t realize graduation was upon them.

For him, he had one more semester. So it totally slipped his mind.

There were a couple more classes he had to take in order to graduate some dumb requirements no advisor had thought to mention.

“Thanks.”

Her blonde hair was in perfect ringlets falling onto the light blue gown. A color which only made her gray eyes stand out more.

“Are you heading there now?”

“Not yet. I’m meeting my family here in an hour, we’re going together.”

“Seriously Annabeth, congratulations. You’ve really earned this. I know we hadn’t known each other that long but you’re the smartest person I know. You’re going to do amazing things.” Percy wanted so badly to touch her, to hug her. But he didn’t think that was allowed.

There was tension between them. Not the good kind either. Like she was mad at him for some reason. It seemed to him that he had every right to be angry with her. She was the one avoiding him.

“I should go,” he said, finally. “Good luck, Annabeth.”

And it felt a lot like goodbye.

Percy turned to walk away when she grabbed his hand.

“Why did you come too see me?” She asked.

His shoulders fell. Now didn’t really seem like the time.

“Percy, please.”

She led him inside.

He had been right, no one else was home. And if Annabeth's family was as punctual as she was, they had an hour.

“I’ve been texting you,” he said, “I wanted to talk to you. I assume you already know about the tour. I wanted to tell you first.”

“Yeah, I heard.”

Percy avoided her eyes. If he looked at her, he was going to kiss her. Now really wasn’t the time for that.

“I wrote a song about you, you know?" He sang a little, "I’ll take what I can get from you. Talk fast, romance, burn, crash, I’m okay with that.”

She half smiled. “I thought maybe you had, I wanted to reach out but I—“ she trailed off.

Finish your thought. Please.

But she didn’t.

“You’re going on tour. That’s exciting right?”

“Yeah, it should be. Who knew we were blowing up in the West.”

“Your manager figured it out,” Annabeth said.

Percy shrugged.

“When’s the E.P. dropping?”

“Oh, we’re thinking about May 16th. Exactly a month before tour…wait how did you know an E.P. was coming?”

“Uh, I think Jason mentioned it?”

She was lying. Jason, Piper, and Percy had agreed to keep this under wraps. Even from Thalia.

It was going to be a surprise because Jason had decided to add a song about his sister that he wrote with Piper.

“No, he wouldn’t have. It’s supposed to be a secret, how did you know?”

“I, um…”

Percy felt that angry building back up. The endless texts she didn’t answer, the avoidance tactics, and now she was lying to him? Why?

“Annabeth, how?”

She bit her lip.

“I eavesdropped,” she whispered, “I was at your apartment when you were talking about the tour.”

“So Jason didn’t tell you that either. You found out on your own. Why didn't you tell me?” He tried to keep his voice level.

“I was so mad at you, for leaving, I couldn’t see you.”

“Without telling me you were mad? Annabeth, that’s so dumb. How could I fix things if I don’t know you’re upset? So you’re mad at me for something you shouldn’t have overheard in the first place.”

“I know, I shouldn’t—“

Percy cut her off, “you’re not even giving me a chance here. You’re not giving us a chance!”

“Percy, I told you I couldn’t do a relationship right now!”

“Shit Annabeth, I think it’s a little late for that. We’re already there in everything but name. You come to all my gigs, our friends have weekly movie nights, we see each other like twice a week and sometimes we don’t even have sex. We’ve been dating but you won’t admit it!”

He was aware of their voices getting louder.

“I’m going on tour,” he said, “I guess that’ll be that.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” She asked.

“It means you get your wish,” he said, lowering his voice. “No relationship.”

Annabeth’s eyes were watering. “No.”

Percy couldn’t believe he was saying this.

“We’ll be better off, we’re destroying each other like this. You can't do a relationship, well I can’t do this anymore.”

He walked to the door.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, I thought someday you’d realize what I already had noticed. I thought you were just being coy, I thought…”

You might really like me too.

“It doesn’t matter now. I meant it, you’re the smartest person I know but not smart enough to see me. Congrats again, you’ll make a hell of an architect.”

And he left.

#percabeth #percabeth fanfic #percabeth fanfiction #my fics