#I am so tired of having to actively regulate my emotions when normal people seem to be able to do it without stopping everything

[writerlys]

WHEN will my normal-sized amygdala return from the war

#I am so tired of feeling So Much all the time #and always so much PAIN and SADNESS and SHAME and ANGUISH????? #I am so tired of having to actively regulate my emotions when normal people seem to be able to do it without stopping everything #dbt is so helpful but it's SO exhausting because it's so much WORK #it's like I'm in a constant battle with myself to act Normal and I have my skills to help me but it's a struggle every day and I'm just... #TIRED... like so .... Tired #I wish my brain would stop hurting me. I wish I could stop veering toward self destruction the second I feel like things are falling apart #I'm so tired of this intense fear of abandonment that rules my entire psyche #I'm so so so tired of not feeling good enough and not being able to believe people when they tell me I am #I hate that I am so frustrating #i COULD try to stop this massive spiral of sadness that's been hitting me for the past week #or i COULD just listen to the same five songs on repeat and pretend like I'm handling it #*taylor swift voice* can you stop #me prodding my amygdala with a stick: grow please!!!! #when dodie said 'I hate myself' she made several points #brain please don't #ramblyssa strikes again

[jupiteronic]

hi, i have pisces mars, how can i develop it? i suck

don’t do the whole “i suck” thing for starters. It’s hard ik especially for those of us who are mentally ill and/or went through trauma and have conditioned thoughts like these, but also it can be helpful to remind yourself that your thoughts do not define you and to redirect your thoughts rather than bully them away or blame yourself for them (let me know if you want resources on this!) so as to diminish later blowups/ guilt-tripping behaviours. a lot of Pisces mars people very much are willing to change their ways/ listen to other perspectives like you! telling people you suck doesn’t really come across as taking responsibility though, a lot of people will take offense to that - rightfully so - and think you’re being manipulative or simply looking for validation, acceptance or forgiveness. probably wasn’t your intention, it’s just important to think about how others would interpret our behavior. 

accept that feeling bad isn’t an excuse to avoid preemptively thinking about how your actions impact others, it takes practice but make a conscious effort and you’ll be surprised how much good you can do despite overwhelming emotions! in a similar vein though, do NOT ignore or repress or minimize your emotions for the sake of others. if anything that will lead to more uncontrolled anger, manipulative behavior, and self-pitying feelings/thoughts which further reinforce the unhealthy behaviours you’re trying to rid yourself of

BEWARE OF WHO YOU SURROUND YOURSELF WITH

if you can, avoid fixating on what you did wrong and feeling shame + guilt for it. focus on how you can improve or eliminate the behaviours you don’t like & more importantly how you can make it up to anyone you hurt - especially if that person is yourself. easier said than done, especially for the obsessive types, but again i find that redirecting thoughts makes this easier than blaming yourself for fixating on your guilt. it can be an endless cycle really. how do you apologise to others + how do you apologise to yourself? if you don’t do either of those much, start working from there

get feedback from others where appropriate but take the feedback with a grain of salt until you have multiple perspectives

watch self regulation skills vids or read about it or... cant believe i’m saying this.. listen to a p*dcast. whatever helps you absorb information the fastest. ideally you would learn about this through written/ spoken word of both your own and others, through audio, visually, artistically etc to master self-regulation but that’s obviously not realistic or convenient for everyone so start small with what seems most realistic to you!!! I know especially Pisces mars can get quickly lose interest or motivation when it comes to things involving thorough detail lol. the next point expands on this but what works for me is pretending I’m my own parent. in a way we all are our own parents, but emotionally investing myself in that fantasy helped me apply my energy to things I’d rather not do (like doing assignments is still very hard for me, and to avoid discouraging myself from doing them, i kind of have a conversation with myself about it and kind of take on the role of child + parent. this is just an example - sometimes it just helps to use your traits to your own advantage, like Pisces mars being more interested in fantasies/emotionally engaging things than boring menial tasks; i used an emotionally engaging fantasy to motivate myself to do work, be creative <3). avoid relying on others for regulation & discipline. this can be very difficult for some of us + i understand and empathize with this. the point here is to be as independent as you can be.  also something going wrong does not necessarily mean it’s a sign from the universe to stop trying i promise

on the note of independence, take steps to becoming your own cheerleader. motivate & encourage yourself through positive self talk. in times where you feel demotivated, helpless or worthless, and say encouraging things to yourself. be aware that this will often seem silly and a waste of energy and u know how much Pisces mars like to save their energy at all costs lmao so this is definitely a common, normal reaction but every time this discourages you, remind yourself that IT IS worth trying and YOU are worth trying for yourself. sometimes I literally have to say cheesy shit like “you can do this” out loud repeatedly until I convince myself. it’s tiring & maybe embarrassing but recovering from chronic self-pity is even more tiring and embarrassing. avoid relying on others to uplift you & make you feel better. not to say that people shouldn’t help people, but just so you’re able to have your own back as much as possible

be more intellectually present oh my god 🤡 I beg of you. this can be very difficult especially for people who deal with adhd/mental illness(es)/trauma/learning disorders/developmental disorders etc. I don’t have all the answers for that but one thing most of us can do is engage in activities that nurture our intellectual health more frequently ; whether that’s reading (nonfiction preferrably), doing newspaper puzzles, crosswords/sudoku apps, problem-solving activities that don’t involve emotional appeal, etc just do it often. we all know how emotionally attentive Pisces mars can be but engage your intellectual side gamers (i.e. don’t game). I say this as a Pisces mars myself lolz please this is literally self-care

ik this is a snooze point but physical stimulation especially exercise can be really good for emotional wellbeing/ release. otherwise find literally any form of release - healthy forms I cannot stress this enough

wrt anger, bitterness, feelings of defeat: Pisces placements often have an external locus of control and thrive when they consider/have faith in something bigger than them. could be astrology, spirituality, religion, art, community, culture, all of the above, whatever makes u feel connected.

question your own intentions (but don’t overdo this); why am i acting this way or feeling this way? am I fishing for attention? if so, is there anything I can do to give myself the same warm feeling attention/validation from others would give me? am I acting like this because I feel hurt or taken advantage of? if so, is it possible for me to have a safe, healthy conversation about this with the source of the problem? WHAT is the source of the problem? what can i do about it? write this down if you can somewhere private and read it back to yourself later, notice any cognitive distortions in your thinking and make adjustments. this will help you practice using your intellectual side in distressing moments but there’s less point in using your thinking if it’s warped if you feel that’s the case for you. so google cognitive distortions & how to deal with them to get examples! try to make the adjustments next time you feel overwhelmed or have heightened emotions/senses

be firmer with your boundaries. with others AND yourself. the less you resist against boundaries the more your life will know peace because you are more careful with the people and/or behaviours you allow into YOUR life. do *not* ease up on your boundaries for the sake of other people. betraying yourself for others or immediate gratification is rarely a good idea in the long run. I’ve done the mistake of betraying my values for others many times and it’s caused unnecessary conflict which we are notorious for avoiding. that is until the evil puppeteer living in our brains snaps their fingers and commands us to go ham

#but thats just my 🧅 #/sarcasm in that last line in case its not obvious #sorry if this doesnt help u in the slightest #pisces mars #long post #mars

[misterbitches]

ITSAY SPOILERS

it was so well done and good except liek ep1 WAY too much crying for my tastes but wow so many good scenes. tarn yelling at him was also great.

i don’t even think it’s necessarily “dumb” writing (i don’t think this show has dumb writing but i’m thinking of this particular situation) or implausible (as in would a real life person do that?) because teenagers aren’t that bright. and it’s for a reason, there’s a whole life you have yet to experience. that’s why the amount of crying is normal (but a lot for my grown eyes lmao) and that’s why i’m depressed. because these decisions are so childish and stupid and ridiculous and, ultimately, not ones that you make with a clear head .which is GOOD because they’re teenagers. 

but it sucks because it’s so stupid and the reason why tarn and tay’s convo is so important is because she points out that it doesn’t matter how pissed she is about the situation he’s just hurting himself. it’s actually bonkers and just not a good idea. her telling him that he is distracting her (even if she was hurt) is a perfect example. she’s spent this whole time studying for what she wanted first and so if things do go of course her future doesn’t rely on him.

i’m not sure how i would feel were i oh-aew. in fact, i know if that were to ever happen to me i know i’d do the exact same thing. it’s this absolutely stupid and misguided mistake that they BOTH TOOK (one basically yeeting cos of feelings, the other yeeting so the other one can take cos of feelings) and as much as it drives me wild it’s like.....holy shit the stupidity. which is profound.

it’s sad because hoon, though not as present in the story, has been such a good brother. calmer obviously and has more of a plan and he’s sure of himself (him waiting to introduce his gf is really big too and it’s a mature step while it is also something he chose to do—he made a choice for himself and was living a whole life without them being so privvy to it because it’s his life) and obviously he knows what’s going on but he’s so understanding. but the contrast is clear (and there must be about 6-10 yrs between them) he can regulate his life and feelings and is understanding but also like. he wouldn’t do that. 

because he’s older and knows the world more. all the people who are supposed to be more emotionally mature really are in this show and i think age and femininity are clear indicators that the show highlights. whether purposefully or not, but there’s a much different type of impulse and irregularity that people show than teenage boys. then there’s that expectation of what a boy should be anyway. but damn.

it was stressful to watch cause, esp for tay, you see yourself self-destructing in an effort to understand yourself. the sheer self-sabotage and also self-sacrificing bullshit. and imagine how happy oh-aew felt when he got in—that means that you can get over things. at least one thing was going right and he could move beyond tay for his future (WHICH MAKES SENSE HELLO), heartbreak really isn’t going to last forever but someone does something brash, rude, and stupid. lmao

anyway EYE personally think that they should be together. i think. like as a good ending as a romantic drama. howeverrrrrrrrrrrrrm you know. if this happened in the real world. well, i’m not sure what i would want. i think i’d prefer to stay friends with that person, real friends, if we could. or honestly i wouldnt bother at all. being a teenager is such a useless time. i feel, when i watch, like i’m kind of back in that same place. except my childhood was like not good very bad and my parents suck but all the circular and ridiculous logic and the anger and confusion.

i almost found no personal peeves or technical or creative faults from eps 2 and 3. the only complaint i have about 1+4 is the excessive crying. well actually in ep 1 it seems like they hadnt fleshed out the sound / music spotting and the rest of the eps NAIL it imo but other than that. i am not such a huge fan of constant crying but that’s very minor and i know many people have a flair for the more dramatic. it was a genuinely great hour and a half (?) almost. i kept wanting to fast forward cos i’m not always keen on drama drama (and i wasnt in the mood and i’m high) but the way it was done was REALLY captivating.

also holy shit instagram is stupid. when i was in HS we had just gotten FB and that was big i guess. it wasnt as developed as now, obviously in 2010 i turned 18 so...havent been a teen for a bit. phones were important then tho and we all had like blackberries before iphones (if you could afford it or your parents gave you one....neither was my option lmao) but the stupid fucking use of insta and the dumb lack of communication is HILARIOUS. on a gen z level....i’m not even that much older than the actors but still LOL and i’m 10 years older than an 18 year old...which seems like a huge leap now but not later. 10 yrs passes by so fast. but i would die if i was laying my feelings bare on insta like that. myspace was ENOUGH.

i have more to say but idk how to express it. strong stuff. 

oh also the jerking off scene was bonkers to me it was so good omg the use of like all the tired old tropes or the common things between the years that teens do. everything about it felt so major lmao i died 

anyway that was pretty fuckin metal. i’m not good with emotional fallout, i always need it paired with something violent or so actively psychologically damaging. so for me to feel stressed about things i’ve been through before, knowing that things will be alright as you get older.....that was good shit!

#i told sunset about you spoilers #i told sunset about you #ok i have minor editing nitpicks but msotly no

[drones-of-innocence]

Has anyone requested Mario x Peach for the ask yet? Because I am! Yahoo!!!

I will gladly do Mario x Peach!! This one got pretty long, sorry about that!

Who was the one to propose: 

Mario did!! Technically he did in canon already haha, but I think he’s got the heart and the showmanship to put together a proper proposal for his Princess. It was adorable; he caught her completely by surprise, because she figured if he was going to ask, it was going to be before all their friends as the center piece for a wonderful celebration. Instead, he was quite simple about it. She recognized his nerves. His hands trembled just the slightest, his voice caught in his throat, and his breath seemed to shudder whenever he addressed her. Still, when he invited her to the lake on a lovely summer evening, she had no idea what his plans were. They often spent their evenings alone together anyway, whether it be on the lakeside or on her balcony. They were dating, after all. The fireflies came out just when the stars did. She should have known he would have asked her in his own simple, charming way. Mario cleared his throat, and spoke briefly of the future. He couldn’t manage to give a long, elaborate speech like he thought he should. So instead, he got down on one knee, and offered the ring. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, my Princess. Will you marry me?”

Who stressed more over wedding planning:

Again, this one has to go to Mario. Peach has no qualms about being under the spotlight, speaking in public, or organizing large events. Mario, on the other hand, didn’t even know where to begin, especially with Toadsworth stressing him out over proper behavior and manners at a royal wedding. He was going to marry a whole entire Princess!! The only person possibly more stressed than Mario had to be Luigi, who’s extreme sense of empathy went out to his poor brother. Both of them were just two little balls of nervous energy during the planning. 

Who decorated the house:

So they don’t technically live together? I see Mario splitting his time between the castle and his house, but Peach can’t exactly leave her castle whenever she pleases. But she does visit. If they could have a house together, I see Mario as the one who could put a room together. Neither of them are master interior designers, but Mario has at least had experience, having moved between several apartments in he and Luigi’s past. If Peach were in charge, she would hire someone else to do it more likely than not. But Mario, being somewhat of a penny pincher by habit, would rather take care of things like that himself.

Who does the cooking:

Luigi does the cooking! Just kidding haha, but Peach has food provided for her whenever she pleases. In the Mario household, Mario cooks breakfast, and Luigi, self proclaimed as “il maestro della cena,” will not allow anyone else to cook dinner. So when Peach visits, or even when the brothers visit the castle, he insists on taking over the kitchen. He’s more than happy to cook for his family; he was very thrilled to be the first to point out that now he is Peach’s brother-in-law.

Who is more organized:

So Peach is more organized in the classical sense; her room is always very tidy, her notes very easy to read, handwriting neat. She has lists and agendas and calendars and journals galore. But Mario is organized in a different way; his thoughts can be very scattered, but he is excellent at mobilizing/organizing emergency responses, prioritizing and getting things done. In the event of a disaster, Mario is your man. He can literally survive in the wilderness with nothing but his wits. He naturally regulates his own sleeping and eating habits, which he can adjust and adapt to his situation as need be. 

Who initiates bedroom fun:

Okay, so...I made a vow that I would never publicly do or make anything NSFW for characters that belong to a franchise aimed at children, even discuss headcanons. So I will construe the meaning. Peach and Mario have lots of fun in her bedroom because it’s sort of closed off from the rest of the world. They can read, relax, nap, whatever you can think of. It’s a sort of safe haven for them. Peach is often the one who suggests going back to her room, as Mario is too polite to be the one to bring it up. The proposal alarmed him at first, as the bedroom in his world was a very different place than it is to him now.

Who suggested kids first:

Peach suggested children! This was to Mario’s shock, as he never thought he would ever really have the privilege of being a father. Mario, over a good deal of time, taught her about conventional family values on his world. He mused to her, seeing similar values echoed in the Mushroom Kingdom, that survival of the species definitely has something to do with it. But something about the way he spoke inspired her to wonder what she would be like as a mother. She knew all along he would be a good father; he’s excellent with children and he clearly loves having them around. But she wanted to experience what he spoke about, how a mother’s love is stronger than anything he’s ever seen.

Who’s more dominant:

It’s about 60/40 with Peach often being the more dominant one. She’s the sole monarch of an entire Kingdom, so she’s used to taking charge. Mario, who drinks more than his share of respect women juice, doesn’t mind in the least. He defers to her often, and actually prefers for her to make the difficult choices. The only time he’s the one making decisions is when it comes to adventures and survival, where his leadership shines.

Who’s the cuddler:

Mario! Mario loves cuddles; as he’s often fighting off enemies and running into not-so-friendly people, he doesn’t get much tender contact. Hugging Luigi used to be the only way he could meet those emotional needs. But with the Princess, he can get all that he could ever want. He’ll never admit it to anyone else, but he adores being the little spoon. He feels completely surrounded by her, and safe. He doesn’t often get to feel completely secure in that way. Of course, he’s also more than happy to provide her with that security too. Even before their relationship, Peach liked to sit close to Mario; his Firebrand makes his body unnaturally warm, so he’s nice to be close to.

What’s their favorite non-sexual activity:

If not cuddles, then baking! Both of them adore sweets of all kinds. It was one of the things that allowed them to bond so quickly and so closely. Peach is fantastic at baking, and Mario always provides the best feedback to her creations. He can bake, too; he enjoys making his favorite Italian sweets for her. 

Who comes home drunk at 3am:

Well, honestly I can’t fathom a world where either of them would do this. Peach has too much responsibility toward her Kingdom, and Mario likes to be in control of all his faculties. Now, this doesn’t mean the brothers don’t get a little buzzed sometimes; you know how much Italians like their wine. It’s just another way the brothers can relax and have fun in the privacy and safety of their home. So they might invite the Princesses over for a night of board or card games and wine. Just adults being silly, nothing crazy. Mario notably becomes a wonderfully sensitive romantic singer once he’s had some to drink, but he also forgets to speak English when that happens. His entire goal becomes making everyone laugh as much as possible. This is also the sort of scene where Mario and Luigi act out games like ‘The floor is lava,’ ‘Don’t let the balloon touch the floor,’ or they literally pretend they’re in a war zone and one of them ‘dies’ dramatically while the other is like “sometimes I can still hear his voice.”

Who kills the spiders:

Mario will fight anything to protect his Princess. But Peach doesn’t like to kill anything. This means Mario does this weird thing where he tries to intimidate the spider into leaving, reason with it, something, until Peach reminds him that he can just take it outside.

Who falls asleep first:

Mario can literally fall asleep anytime, anywhere. If you leave him idle long enough, just like in the games, he might nod off. Normally, he’s very goal driven, like when he’s trying to rescue Peach. But focusing that long and hard is very tiring. He gets rest when he can, because he doesn’t know when he’ll have to go without it next.

Their relationship summed up in a gif:

So this is Sheeta and Pazu, from my favorite movie of all time; Castle in the Sky. These two capture Mario and Princess Peach, I think, because of their persistent optimism and hope throughout the film. And their sheer joy! Look at that, they embrace each other with such fervor and relief that they’re safe and that they made it to their goal! Pazu is such a wholesome sweetheart who prioritizes Sheeta’s safety, and does whatever he feels like he can to protect her. Sheeta does the same, albeit in more thoughtful and clever ways. As Pazu put it, “if my head were any harder, you could use it as a cannonball.” That pretty much sums up Mario and his headstrong nature. Sheeta wants the best for everyone, and does not hesitate to put herself in direct harm’s way if it means sparing those who she loves. She gives herself up repeatedly, hoping it would save Pazu. And Pazu, from the moment he saw her, wouldn’t let her go on alone. Their dynamic is very similar to Mario and Peach; they both want to do the right thing, and they can’t do it without each other.

Thanks so much for the ask!!

#Yahoo!! #Ask #Mario and Peach #My OTP ahh #I spent too much time on this haha but I really enjoyed it! #So thanks again!! #Nintendo #Mario #Princess Peach #Heacanon #Ask meme #Silly thoughts

[af-answers]

Four Times Artemis Tries to Convince Holly to go with him to Mars and the One Time he Didn’t

The First Time | The Second Time | The Third Time | The One Time he Didn’t

The Fourth Time

The fourth time was during their sting operation to find the Changeling Napper in the American West. Foaly’s e-mail had been the itinerary of a gnome named Rumi Mush, a fungus farmer on the south side of Haven. Agricultural workers received more topside passes than most other professions in the fairy world, because though Haven’s technology was great, there were some things (like fertilizer and new seeds) one had to get from the source. Mush had been to California a week before the kidnappings began, and the surveillance photos showed Mush bringing a large biohazard container topside. It wasn’t uncommon for his trade, but Mush himself didn’t work with biohazards like spores or bacteria. But that wasn’t the smoking gun.

Foaly had done a media sweep of the area. Two days ago, in the same little town where the A5 shoot let out in California, a human child had been abducted from its crib. A wood carving of a human child had been left in its place.

The LEP raided his house on the outskirts of the gnome district and found not only the four missing fairy babes crying in a locked closet, but the human child in a cage in the basement. There were more cages as well: apparently, Mush was putting together a menagerie.

When Holly put out a warrant for his arrest, Mush was on another surface run. They alerted border patrol, but he’d passed them hours before. Giving orders to detain him if he came back through, Commodore Short and a team of LEP Retrieval sprites suited up and took the fastest shuttle to the surface. The sprites complained the cramped quarters wrinkled her wings, and while Holly didn’t dignify them with an answer, she smiled to herself.

When they got to the surface, Mush hadn’t returned. To Holly, this meant either he knew somehow he’s been made and was on the lam, or he’d been caught in the act by humans. Both were worst case scenarios. Using intel about which babies lived nearest the fairy mound, the team split into three pairs, each taking a potential target.

“If you hear sirens, follow them,” she instructed over the comms.

She and her partner approached their assigned house downwind. Gnomes had excellent senses of smell; if their quarry caught a whiff of them, they were done. After all, he had the advantage of being magic-less and so could hide inside the house, not to mention the hostages he could take. She crept up to a window of the one-story brick house. All the windows were dark, but she looked in anyway, turning on her night vision.

“No movement,” she reported. “Check the other windows.”

Just then, a voice call alert flashed in the corner of her helmet, the icon ice blue.

“Not the time, Artemis,” she whispered, side-stepping a tipped over flower pot on the stoop of the porch.

“On the contrary, Commodore,” the Irish accent sounded even more pretentious over the phone, “you’ll want to hear what I have to say for once. The house you’re investigating is devoid of human occupants. Ms. Gregston won a all-expenses paid trip to the Bahamas this weekend, and she’s left her infant daughter with her parents.”

“How fortunate,” she snarked, straightening as the tension melted off her. “So I’m guessing Mush isn’t here either?”

“Oh,” she could practically hear his smirk stretch into a grin. “I wouldn’t say that. Look in the front window.”

Holly peeked over the cracking paint of the window sill into the front room. There, hog-tied inside a ring of candles, was Rumi Mush. Outside of the wax circle was a note, written in a woman’s hand,

“Come on in.”

“I’ll see you at the fairy mound,” Artemis said, then hung up the phone.

As her team escorted a handcuffed Mush into a police shuttle, Holly slipped into the woods to meet the hulking figure in the shadows.

“Hide and seek was never your game, eh big man?” she joked, tapping Butler on the thigh with her first.

“I was quite good at being ‘it’,” he said with a grin.

Holly turned her gaze on Artemis, who looked entirely too smug.

“What were you thinking, interfering with LEP business like this?”

The grin shrunk a few teeth. “If I hadn’t interfered, you would have had a hostage situation on your hands!”

“I’m not complaining,” she pointed out. “I’m asking what were you thinking. Why this case? Why now?” It had been less than forty-eight hours since their lunch conversation, but the boy— no, man— looked different now. Emotionally. Though he smiled and his shoulders were sloped back in a relaxed stance, her helmet sensors showed an elevated blood pressure and too-even breathing. Like he was regulating it manually.

She took off her helmet, tucking it under her arm before taking his hand. “What’s happened, Artemis?”

He looked up at his oldest friend, who coughed into one gargantuan fist. “I’ll go— wait by those trees. You know the ones.”

When he’d gone, Artemis sighed, his smile now tired. “I can’t beat Foaly’s sensors, can I?”

“Why would you try?” She activated her wings so she could hover at his eye level. “Does it have something to do with the space thing? Why are you so hung up on this Artemis? Why are you in such a hurry—“

“Hurry? I’ve been building this ship for four years!”

“And you can’t wait a little longer? You’re still young, your brothers are still young. If you leave now, you’ll miss most of their childhood.”

“All the more reason to leave now,” he joked.

“This all seems very reactionary for you, Arty. I’ve never known you to make such a big decision so flippantly.”

“Apparently I’m supposed to be flippant. Flippant is normal.”

Artemis ran his free hand through his hair— a rare gesture for him, as it mussed his quaff— and pursed his lips to keep himself from talking further (another rarity).

But that last word was all Holly needed. It was a word Artemis seldom used unless he talked about one specific person. “It’s your mother.”

Holly led him to the coffee house in the shuttle terminal. They got a lot of sideways glances, but Artemis had been on multiple Haven talk shows since his rebirth, so there was no outright alarm.

“It didn’t begin when I resurrected,” he said as she set a earthenware cup of hickory coffee in front of him. “It didn't even start after Hybras, it was well before then. I think Mother has considered herself a failure as a parent since Father’s return, and she’s been trying to rectify the problem— me— ever since.” He wrapped his hands around the cup, but didn’t lift it to drink. “First her behaviors were what I considered to be typical for a mother: buying me clothes I didn’t like, disapproving of my language, wanting me to socialize with people my own age. But when Myles showed signs of taking after me, it changed. Escalated.” He sighed deeply, and Holly realized this was hard for him, that he most likely had never voiced these thoughts aloud. She covered his hands with hers, but remained silent.

He took another breath, then went on. “She was already going to university for psychology and mental biology, so she took up some child psych classes. After her first class, she sent the twins to a private boarding school on the other side of Dublin. I know part of her reason was so the twins would be more socialized than I am. A noble goal to be sure.” He stared at their joined hands, a crease forming between his brows. “When the twins were suspended for criminal recklessness, I’ve never seen Mother so upset. Not only with the twins, but me as well. She would never accuse me of corrupting my brothers, of course, but after that she monitored me constantly. Every day she asked me probing questions, and I could feel her diagnosing me, trying to suss out how I was broken.” He pressed his eyes shut. “Do you know what it feels like, to have someone you love and admire try to change the fundamentals of who you are? To have someone make you question if you’re sensible or even real?”

Now Holly did speak. “Yes,” she said, squeezing his hands. When he opened his eyes to look at her, they were watery, the ice in his blue irises melting. “In my early days as an officer, Commander Root and my coworkers challenged every decision I made. If I showed emotion, I was acting like a girl. If I did something right, I was finally ‘thinking like a man.’”

“The commander said that to you?” Artemis asked, angry on her behalf.

She shrugged. “It was the way at the time. He apologized later, and no one on the force would dare make those comments now, but back then I was jeered at for acting like a woman, but rejected if I bucked gender roles. It was wrong of them to treat me as if my differences were flaws.” She said the next words gently, but firmly. “And it’s wrong of Angeline, too.”

He shook his head. “Your colleagues were prejudiced against your biology. I made horrible choices in the past, and Mother believes it’s her job to pick up the pieces.”

“You wearing Armani suits everyday and calling her ‘Mother’ doesn’t make you an evil dictator, Artemis,” she argued. “Your mother is upset because you are who you are independent of her influence. You took care of her when you were ten years old. You were saving the planet by fourteen. If she can’t see the amazing man you’ve become, it’s her who needs a shrink.”

The human blinked, then smiled, one side of his mouth pulling up higher than the other. “See? This is why I need you to come to Mars with me. Who else would put me in my place?”

She withdrew her hands and frowned. Her stomach fell like she’d eaten a meal of lead. “Wait. Was this all a ploy to convince me to go to Mars?”

He tilted his head at her, then laughed when he processed her question. “No, no it’s all sadly true. I must still have a way to go if you believe I’d tell such an egregious lie to trick you into running away with me. Or perhaps, you’re simply arrogant.”

Holly shared his laugh, her stomach light again. “Even though we shouldn’t change who we are to match someone else’s expectations, there's always room for personal growth.”

He finally took a drink of coffee, then winced when he found it was room temperature. “In all seriousness, the offer still stands. If there’s even a part of you that doubts, please think on it.” He produced a fairy credit chip to pay for their drinks, and Holly didn’t bother asking where he’d gotten it. He stood, still smiling sadly at her. The emotion was become a constant for him, and she didn’t like it. “The launch is scheduled for two weeks from tomorrow. Please let me know by then.”

She nodded numbly, her brain scrabbling to answer the unspoken question of whether she did doubt, when her thoughts finally snagged on two vital words.

“Two weeks?”

#mild spoilers #artemis fowl #holly short #angeline fowl #in which i work through some issues

[littleredwritinghat]

I recently had a family friend tell me about her teenage son and his depression, how she is struggling to help him, and what the experience has been like overall. Since then, I've been thinking about my own experiences with my depression and those of people I know. After talking with this friend, it made me realize that, despite the increased acknowledgement of, and support for those who have depression, there are still a lot of misconceptions about it. So I wanted to share some of the things I have learned/realized over the years, and I hope it will help those who have depression, or those with loved ones that have it. So, here it goes:

The (Full) Truth About Depression

1. Although it is probably glaringly obvious, depression is a chronic illness, meaning I, and everyone else diagnosed, will have it for LIFE.

1.5. (This also means that even though I am on medication and have been to therapy, I am not magically cured.)

1.75. (It also means that just because I have the resources/treatments/skills to cope with it, I won't ever struggle. Generally, yes, I do handle it better, but there are still times I struggle, and it doesn't mean it's automatically easier to deal with.)

2. Just because I have depression, it does not mean I'm not ever allowed to be happy. Despite having it, I generally consider myself to be a happy person. I love to laugh and joke around with my friends and family. I don't just sit in my room all the time, crying, feeling sorry for myself. That being said, I do still actually have it, just because I am happy.

2.5. This also means that people with depression are still allowed to be sad. There is a common misunderstanding that if someone is sad, especially those with depression, they immediately need to cheer up. We are allowed to feel what we feel. Coping with depression does not mean ignoring depression. Plus, sadness is a literal human emotion. People don't expect happy people to be happy 24/7.

2.75. In order to cope with my depression, I need to think more positive thoughts. I'm not saying I have to be a super serious pessimistic person, but I can be realistic. For example, if my house burned down, I can try to be positive by saying that I'm blessed to still be alive, and that it could be worse. However, I can also still acknowledge that it's a really sucky situation.

3. Depression is not just a chemical imbalance, or due to tragic/unfortunate circumstances, such as the loss of a loved one. Granted, those definitely can be a significant cause of depression, but they aren't always the ONLY reason for depression. A lot of it has to do with the way a depressed person thinks. (It actually has a lot to do with how we learn, especially language and meaning).

Let me clarify it this way: I have thoughts that I am worthless. Now, when I first went to therapy, people tried to tell me to replace my negative thought with positive ones, or tell myself the opposite thing. (I am worthless ➡️ I am good at English, I am a good friend, etc.; I am worthless ➡️ I am not worthless/I am worth something.) Now let me tell you the problem with that, just because I replace it with a positive thought or say the opposite, doesn't mean that I believe it. It also doesn't mean that just because I talk to someone about how I feel that way, that I will never feel that way again. Nor does it mean that if someone tells me,, "Hey, you're not worthless!" I will automatically feel worth something. I may temporarily feel better, but it is not a fixed problem. What I was later taught in therapy, (thank you DBT!!!! It is definitely worth looking into because it is super effective and I could go on about how great it is forever), is a) to acknowledge my thought/feeling [I am worthless], b) to accept my thought/feeling [It is okay that I think to think/feel I am worthless. I am allowed to feel that way] change my way of thinking/perspective, c) to not dwell on it [I don't have to keep thinking over and over again I am worthless. I can let go of the thought/feeling. I am not required to stay here], and d) to subtly change my thinking/perspective [I feel/believe that I am worthless, but that does not mean I actually AM worthless. I may temporarily feel worthless, but I will not always feel this way]. A LOT of people, unfortunately, make the same mistakes in their thinking, because it is how we have learned/been trained to do so.

4. I am allowed to be depressed. For several years, I thought because my life was good, (loving family, good home, well-provided for, good friends, etc.), I wasn't allowed to be depressed. I thought I had no "good" reason to feel that way, (I hadn't lost a loved one, I wasn't in a dangerous/bad situation, I wasn't a social outcast, etc.) I kept telling myself that my life could be so much worse, that there were people out there who did have it worse, and that feeling depressed meant I was ungrateful and weak, that I had no right to feel the way I did. That is NOT true. Everyone, every single person, is allowed to feel the way they do. It's not always something they can control. No one has to have a "good" reason to be depressed. If I had broken my arm skateboarding, and someone else had broken it in a car accident, the doctor wouldn't tell me that I wasn't allowed to feel pain because I broke my arm doing something fun while the other person had been in a worse situation. My arm is still broken, therefore, I am allowed to feel the pain.

5. Just because I have depression, it does not mean I have suicidal thoughts, nor do I self-harm. It is common for those to accompany depression, but those with depression don't always have those symptoms.

6. Just because I have depression, does not mean I feel sad. Depression can come in many forms.

Sometimes it means that I don't feel anything at all. I'm not happy. I'm not sad. I'm just numb.

Sometimes I just feel tired. Getting out of bed in the morning, doing my regular activities (like going to school/work) or things I enjoy (reading, writing, watching a favorite TV show) just feel daunting and exhausting. Life itself just seems like too much work.

Sometimes it disguises itself as anger. I think that life is unfair: Why did I get depression? Why don't I deserve happiness? Is it really to much to ask, after all the effort I have put in, that I can have even a little bit of joy or a break in my life?

Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed, like I have so much to do and things I want to accomplish that I will never be able to do it all, or that I have more problems than I can effectively deal with at the time.

It can also be the traditional low self-esteem and feelings of despair and hopelessness.

7. Depression is not who I am. I have depression, but I am not depression. When I qas first diagnosed, I got so caught up in it that it became the hallmark of my personality, the very essence of who I am. Suddenly my hobbies, traits, and personality no longer mattered. My life was completely consumed by depression. I slowly learned that while I do have a mental illness, it is just like any other. There is SO much more to me than my illness, and it does not define who I am.

8. I am not crazy. Just because I don't always think or feel the way an "average" or "normal" person does, does not mean I am insane, perpetually irrational, and/or not worthy of regular social interaction, positive relationships, and a fulfilling, meaningful life just like everyone else. At first, I was so scared and ashamed for people to know that I had a mental illness, that I needed medication and therapy to help regulate it. However, again, I came to realize, it is just like any other illness. Just because a person has cancer, does not mean they are suddenly a freak, nor does it mean they should feel ashamed for having it or seeking help.

9. Life goes on. If you seek help and treatment, you CAN manage your depression. It does not have to limit the things you can do, or the life you can have. You may have to be a little more creative or tenacious at times, but you are still capable of living your life to the fullest.

Again, I hope this helps. I know it has really benefited me just talking about my experiences and reminding myself of the things I've learned. (And congratulations if you have made it through my incredibly long monologue. You are a real champ!) Stay classy, my friends!

[meditativeyoga]

Imagine if Your Younger Self Had This Explainer on Feeling Your Feels

Your mind is the component of you that experiences your emotions. It is where you experience the feelings, photos, ideas, memories, imaginations, and thoughts that make you satisfied, thrilled, depressing, inspired, and also afraid.

The funny point regarding your mind is that you can’t truly locate it. The mind is various from your brain.

Your mind as well as chemicals in your body react to and form your mind. Here is a very basic explanation of exactly how your mind functions: When you are pleased, you have happy chemicals going through your body. And also when you are depressing, you have sad chemicals in your body that can create stress and also even pain, like an indigestion or migraines. When something occurs to you, your mind develops chemicals that make you respond and also really feel feelings like worry or excitement.

What Your Mind Needs

Just like you need to take care of your body to remain healthy and balanced, you also have to care for your mind. Being psychologically healthy and balanced means you seem like you can do what you need to do on a daily basis, fit socially, can manage your behavior, and also can experience all your feelings without overwhelming anxiousness. Naturally, you may still get stressed out, really feel awkward sometimes, and come to be bewildered by your feelings! If you’re emotionally healthy, you just don’t let your emotions control you, rather, you recognize your mind and your reactions and have ways to regulate them when you require to.

There are various components to having a healthy and balanced mind, most of which overlap with having a healthy and balanced body! The major elements are:

Rest and relaxation

Movement

Mental task (like when you learn or concentrate)

Having fun

Connecting with others

Rest and Relaxation

In enhancement to regular sleep, your mind works well when it has peaceful time to process information. In between the moments you are learning and relocating as well as playing and also speaking, if you provide your mind silent time, you will feel calmer, a lot more energised, and also in control.

It can be truly difficult to unwind as well as give your mind down time, because the world has several methods to distract you! When your moms and dads were kids, maybe they hung out watching television or speaking on the phone with close friends. Today, though, there are a million more points sidetracking your focus, especially the web, online video clips and also computer game, and also social media sites.

Part of expanding up and leading a healthy life is determining how to locate the appropriate balance in between your diversions and giving your mind remainder. Great deals of grownups haven’t figured this out, so you’ll lead the video game if you start now!

Movement

When you exercise, your body launches great chemicals that make your mind healthy. Movement is critical to feeling good! Discover a method to relocate every day, whether through sports, martial arts, running, or dancing. Probably you can stroll your pet dog or stretch in your residence or do leaping jacks as well as sit-ups on a daily basis to obtain your body relocating as well as your mind calmer and much healthier.

Mental Activity

Learning brand-new points and also locating time to focus (such as researching or practicing a sport or tool) are healthy practices for your mental health and wellness!

Your mind is an area filled with countless magic that you can discover for your whole life. The even more you utilize your mind, the healthier and also a lot more sharp you will certainly be as you age.

Think of dealing with a jungle loaded with trees, bushes, origins, puddles, and other unidentified barriers. There are numerous covert prizes to discover in this forest! The very first step is to slowly discover and learn more about where you are. As you end up being more comfortable, you can remove a course to make it much easier to make your means through what was as soon as unidentified.

Your mind is like this—it has lots of a lot of treasures, but you need to learn, check out, as well as concentrate to genuinely recognize it. When you concentrate, like when you are researching, your brain produces as well as reinforces the paths inside that help you remember information, be informed, and make great choices.

Using all your senses—seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching—helps you keep your mind energetic. Checking out, drawing, relocating your body, speaking with others, as well as paying attention additionally stimulate your brain in various ways.

Having Fun

Did you know that giggling, giggling, and just enjoying make you healthy and balanced as well as happy? When you are with individuals that make you really feel good or when you are doing something you enjoy or are simply chuckling, your mind releases satisfied chemicals right into your body, that make you feel good. When you are having enjoyable, your mind bears in mind these good experiences and you can even learn better. You might have a good time in various ways—from being with pals to doing a challenge to visit a performance to reading a great book. Whatever method you have a good time is appropriate for you.

Lots of grownups often forget that life is also about fun as well as dreams as well as playing easily! As a youngster, you can play a vital function in advising your moms and dads and instructors to laugh. You can likewise advise them exactly how important it is for your wellness and also advancement that you have downtime to play and also laugh and also just enjoy!

Connecting with Others

Some people enjoy being around great deals of individuals as well as a few of us like to be alone.

And, of program, on different days and also at different times, you might favor one or the various other.

In general, having a couple of individuals you can get in touch with whom you can be on your own around with no stress to do or act a specific way can make you much healthier and also happier. This doesn’t indicate linking just on social media sites, it means being with individuals in actual time and also in person. Also connecting with someone can be unbelievably powerful!

When you are literally with other individuals, you experience a variety of feelings. Often they are not always good ones, however that’s all. When you are with other individuals, you discover that your feelings transform, which is regular as well as healthy.

You also come to be more powerful by being around individuals, since you learn to manage different emotions and scenarios in on your own, in addition to acknowledging that your good friends could be experiencing a series of emotions, too.

Simple Breathing Practice to Develop Recognition of Your Feelings

Being aware of what’s happening in your mind is a fundamental part of feeling in control and handling your actions.

The very first step to knowing your mind is to in fact simply understand your emotions.

This workout assists you familiarize your feelings. Generally, your mind wanders from one idea as well as feeling to another, this is normal as well as natural. And also, as you are familiar with your sensations much better, you can find out just how to choose as well as do points to take far better care of yourself.

Name My Feelings

Time Needed: 5 minutes

Location: Anywhere

Sit conveniently. If you fit, close your eyes.

Take a deep breath. In and also out.

Now, just see what occurs as you not do anything but take a breath.

For example: You may really feel weary as well as want to go to rest. When you feel this, simply claim to on your own, “I feel tired.”

You may begin thinking of something that upset you at lunch. Simply say to yourself, “I feel upset.”

Your mind might wander to the birthday party you are expected to head to this weekend. Simply claim to yourself, “I am excited.”

Every time you discover a feeling, say, “I am [the feeling].”

And continue to take a breath. In and also out.

If your mind remains on that sensation, just feel it. Once it starts roaming and you feel another thing, observe the brand-new sensation.

After 5 mins, you can take a deep breath and also go on with your day.

Create a list of your sensations. Keep including to this listing. Calling your feelings is actually powerful!

#Pranayama #Yoga

[the-casual-reply]

Unmasking: Living with Autism in a Neurotypical World

The following is an original oratory I wrote and performed at my school speech contest! I am very proud of it so I thought I would share. This was written to be performed to a largely NT audience, so don’t be surprised when it assumes that you (the reader) are NT. My main motivation for writing this was raising awareness and partially out of frustration at the societal lack of knowledge about autism. (Fyi it’s like 5 pages long sorry gamers)

My name is Chloe [redacted] and I am autistic. This term is highly stigmatized, and for my entire life I’ve heard it used in mostly negative connotations. It has taken me a long time to even feel comfortable saying that I am autistic because I fear being judged and stereotyped. Today I am here to teach you that autism is not scary nor is it a bad thing, but it can make life difficult in a world made by and for neurotypical people, and I’m here to teach you what you need to know to be an ally and a friend for an autistic person.

When I was diagnosed with autism around a year ago, I was devastated. Everything I thought I knew about myself had suddenly been taken away from me. I felt like all the achievements, experiences, and feelings of my past self were stripped from me, and I didn’t know what to do. So, I decided to do some research. And as I learned more and more, I slowly reclaimed my identity. All these things that had previously confused me were suddenly explained, and as I noticed more and more autistic traits within myself, I learned not to be afraid or ashamed of them, but to embrace them as a part of myself.

Many who are reading this right now may wonder how this applies to you. Many of you probably don’t know an autistic person, or so you think. Here’s why it should matter: about one in sixty people has been diagnosed as autistic. That means, statistically, you interact with an autistic person about every other day, and that’s not considering those who go undiagnosed. That means that every other day, you impact the life of an autistic person, and they impact your life. Many people will hear that and wonder if it truly matters that the person you may be interacting with is autistic.

And I, as an autistic person, am here to tell you that it does matter. Autism affects every single aspect of a person’s life. It affects their sensory needs, their ability to communicate, their problem solving strategies, their performance in school or at work, their social needs, and countless other aspects of their identity. Many people with autism experience high levels of social anxiety due to trends of ostracism or exclusion throughout their lives. Because of this, a seemingly trivial interaction may greatly affect an autistic person in a different way than it would for an allistic (not autistic) person. Every day, autistic people are put into stressful and draining situations, where they often don’t have anyone to help them. So, today I want to help educate more people on what autism is, what it does, and how you can help positively change the life of an autistic person.

The most noticeable difference between allistic and autistic people is that autistic people are much more sensitive to sensory input. A setting that may be normal to an allistic person may be extremely overwhelming to an autistic person. For example, bright or flashing lights, strong scents, overlapping or loud noises, and unpleasant textures or tastes are common sources of uneasiness or distress for us. 

On top of physical overstimulation, many autistic people also struggle with emotional overstimulation. Many autistic people absorb the moods of the people we spend time with due to our hypersensitivity to their feelings, and we experience emotions to a much stronger extent than allistic people usually do.

When an autistic person experiences intense feelings such as happiness or anxiety, they use a coping mechanism called ‘stimming’. Stim is short for ‘self-stimulatory behavior’ and it refers to a repeated motion or action that dispels energy that is being absorbed by the person due to their surroundings. My favorite stims are hand flapping, repeated blinking, contortion of the face, spinning, and repeating verbally satisfying words or sounds. By stimming, I can dispel some of the high levels of energy or strong emotions caused by my surroundings. 

Stimming is essential to the health and wellbeing of autistic people. But it can also be dangerous. Autistic people risk being judged, bullied, ostracized, abused, and even arrested when stimming in public. Because stimming and other signs of overstimulation are similar to signs exhibited by those who are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, it is not uncommon for autistic people to be arrested or harassed by police officers for stimming in public. 

For me, this is alarming. In a world where we pride ourselves on being inclusive and forward-thinking, it is still dangerous to simply be autistic in public. To me, the most important way to make the world safer for people with autism is to spread awareness for their experiences, and for actually autistic people to be the ones sharing their stories. For too long, the stereotype of the autistic person who cannot stand up for themself has been perpetuated and widely accepted. So today I’m challenging that stereotype, and I’m here to tell you some things that autistic people wish more allistic people knew about autism.

Autistic people tend to be very blunt and straightforward regarding their thoughts and feelings. To allistic people, whose interactions are filled with flowery language to avoid being upfront and honest, this is seen as impolite. So, understand that if an autistic person unexpectedly says something frank and direct that comes off as rude, they are likely just honestly saying what they’re thinking, which is what they expect you want to hear.

And to autistic people, the way that allistic people communicate can seem just as nonsensical. It can be hard for us to detect sarcasm, understand non-literal figures of speech, and interpret body language. So, when communicating with autistic people, be mindful of the fact that they may struggle to understand you. If you say something and they don’t understand what you mean right away, don’t become exasperated or treat them like their need for clarification is a burden. Calmly and nonjudgmentally explain what you said, and if they don’t need any further clarification, move on with the conversation as usual. 

On top of this, autistic people struggle to understand implied meanings. So, try to be open about your feelings and intentions. If you want an autistic person to complete a task, you should tell them exactly what you want them to do without excluding anything you think is implied. Especially don’t become frustrated or angry if an autistic person doesn’t infer something that you didn’t explicitly say. Autistic brains form conclusions by looking at little, individual clues and then piecing them together to create a model of what they should do, as opposed to the allistic method of forming a model and then filling in the blanks. This is another prominent difference between allistic and autistic brains.

Autistic people’s brains are wired to rely on routine much more than allistic people due to the way that they analyze situations. Many autistic people rely on routines to find a sense of security within their lives because of how they analyze situations. So, a sudden change in schedule can be very upsetting and anxiety inducing for an autistic person. When planning a get-together or party involving an autistic friend or family member, remember to try to give them extra notice of any changes in plans in order to help reduce any worry they may be feeling.

Because of our processing style, autistic brains require more time to process new requests and instructions than allistic brains. When an autistic person is asked to do something outside of their regular schedule or what they are usually expected to do, it may be hard for them to process at first. So, if you ask an autistic person to do something for you, they may not do it immediately. Do not berate them for this, as this would likely lead to them becoming unnecessarily stressed. Allow them extra time to process your instructions, answer any questions they may have, and be patient.

Another essential thing to understand about autism is sensory overload. As I mentioned earlier, autistic people regularly face negative sensory experiences that can become overwhelming to them. This can lead to them becoming tired and irritable, and it can interfere with their ability to communicate and function normally. When an autistic person becomes so overwhelmed that stimming cannot regulate their sensory input, they may experience a shutdown or meltdown. A shutdown is characterized by minimal or complete lack of speech, extreme sensitivity to touch and sound, inability to move, and seclusion into a space where one can be alone. A meltdown is characterized by a temporary lack of control over one’s behavior resulting in yelling, crying, and physically lashing out. Both of these are the autistic brains reactions to extremely overwhelming circumstances. Autistic people cannot choose to meltdown or shutdown, and in turn, cannot choose to stop a meltdown or shutdown that has already started.

So, it’s important to understand each individual person and what they need from you. Talk to your autistic friend or family member about circumstances that they find to be most upsetting, and actively find ways to avoid them, or if that’s not possible, warn them of the potentially stressful situation before you enter it. If you are ever with an autistic person during a shutdown or meltdown, the most important thing for you to do for them is to take them away from what is upsetting to them. Take them to a quiet, dark room, and stay with them until they have calmed down. Find a way for them to be able to communicate their needs to you, such as typing or writing, to make sure that they feel safe and comfortable.

Really, what I am asking you to do is to be a better person for the sake of not only yourself, but also the people around you, autistic or not. Be kind. Be caring. Be empathetic, understanding, and aware of how you affect those around you. In order to be an ally to those with autism, first one must learn how to be an ally to those without it.

#autism #actually autistic #autism awareness #autistic teen #autistic student #neurodivergency #neurodivergent #living with autism #autistic pride #autistic feels #autistic things #autistic struggles

[paleorecipecookbook]

9 Nutrient Deficiencies Making You Crave Junk — What Your Body Really Wants Instead

We seem to always crave food that is high in sugar and fat, yet we never find ourselves craving a huge bowl of broccoli. What gives?

Craving certain foods is a multifaceted experience. There’s a cognitive component and an emotional component – aka “I am having a terrible day so I want to go home and eat my bodyweight in fro-yo.” And there’s even a physiological factor: you literally feel good after you eat certain foods.

It turns out cravings aren’t totally our fault. In fact, research suggests that many cravings are often a cry from our body, letting us know that it is seriously lacking in several key vitamins, nutrients, and minerals. These things help to regulate appetite, mood, hunger levels and cravings.

It’s not that our body desperately needs a piece of chocolate cake, we just misinterpret what our body is crying out for. Cravings, poor mood and stubborn weight issues can indicate psychological roots, specific nutrient needs, and/or vitamin deficiencies.

For every gram of sugar you consume, your body uses between 28-53 molecules of magnesium.

Certain food cravings can be triggered by specific moods. We all crave comfort foods when we are stressed out, lonely or sad. This has been linked to alterations in our gut microbiome, dysregulated cortisol levels and a low level of serotonin. (4) Research even found that highly stressed individuals report having more cravings than non-stressed individuals. (5)

The next time a craving strikes, pay attention to what the actual craving is. Do you notice that every time you have a bad day at work you rush home to eat ice cream? Do you have emotional triggers that cause you to overindulge? This self-reflection will help you control your cravings and make healthier choices on tough days.

Here are nine common nutrient deficiencies that might be at the root of your cravings:

Calcium

The Nutrient: We need calcium for more than strong bones; we need the mineral for nerve impulses, blood clotting, and for our heart to pump blood. Every cell in the body requires calcium and our body has very tight control of how much calcium is in the blood at any time. Our body will actually pull calcium from our bones when our blood levels drop or we experience pH changes in the body.

While many people think milk is a great source of calcium, it’s difficult to absorb calcium from dairy. Up to 75 percent of the population experiences lactose intolerance, meaning they lack the enzyme necessary to digest lactose. Stress, intense exercise, and too much sugar can all deplete your calcium stores.

Signs of a Deficiency: If you find yourself craving sodas, carbonated drinks and even dairy this could be a sign you need more calcium.

What To Eat:

Increase your intake of plant-based calcium sources such as 6):

Dark leafy greens

Turnip greens

Broccoli

Kale,

Celery.

Pumpkin seeds

Brazil nuts

Almonds

Asparagus

Coconut meat.

For non-plant sources, try:

Sardines

Salmon

Tuna

Magnesium

The Nutrient: Known as our relaxation mineral, magnesium contributes to nearly 700 enzyme and biochemical processes in the body. Our body has roughly 3,500 different binding sites for magnesium in our cells.

Up to 80 percent of the population is deficient in magnesium. It’s easily depleted in times of chronic stress, extreme exercise, during menstruation and when we consume sugar. In fact, for every gram of sugar you consume, your body uses between 28-53 molecules of magnesium.

Magnesium acts like a gate keeper for calcium, as it allows calcium to be excreted from our cells in response to various stressors. Calcium acts as an excitatory molecule, while magnesium acts as a calming molecule. Having imbalances in these minerals can lead to issues with our mood.

Signs of a Deficiency: If you find yourself having intense cravings for sugar and feel fatigued and sore, you may need more magnesium. This is true as well if you experience muscle twitches and cramps, depressed mood, and anxiety.

What To Eat (7, 8):

Dark chocolate (be sure it is organic with at least 70% cocoa content and no added sugar)

Avocados

Raw cacao

Cashews

Almonds

Pumpkin seeds

Sesame seeds

Dark leafy greens such as spinach, kale and broccoli.

Zinc

The Nutrient: Zinc is a part of at least 3,000 different proteins in your body and is involved in more than 200 different enzymes. In fact, zinc is involved in more enzymatic reactions in your body than any other mineral. Its highest concentrations are in your hippocampus, which deals with memory and mood.

This key mineral is important for our immune system, cellular growth, sleep, skin, insulin regulation, hormone balance and mood support. The body has no special storage capacity for zinc, so it is important to consume zinc-rich foods on a regular basis.

Zinc plays a role in modulating the brain and body’s response to stress and has been linked to depression. Under times of extreme stress, we get rid of zinc at higher rates through our urine, sweat and saliva. (9, 10)

The Signs of a Deficiency: If you suffer from GI distress, experience low moods, have extreme PMS, have high stress or take antacids and OTCs you likely could benefit from more zinc.

What To Eat:

Oysters

Shellfish

Salmon

Grass-fed meat

Pasture-raised chicken

Unsweetened dark chocolate

Pumpkin seeds

Spinach

Almonds

Omega-3

The Nutrient: Omega-3 fatty acids are known as essential fatty acids. Our bodies cannot make them on their own, so they must either be obtained through our diet or through supplements.

Signs of a Deficiency: Cravings for sweet, fatty foods, cheese and carbohydrates can be a sign of omega-3 deficiencies, as well as having poor mood and brain fog. (11)

What To Eat:

Essential fatty acids can be divided into three types: ALA, EPA and DHA, all of which can be found in:

Wild caught fish, such as tuna, salmon, and sardines.

Walnuts

Flax seeds

Hemp seeds

Chia seeds

Some algae such as spirulina.

Vitamin B12

The Nutrient: Roughly one in four Americans are deficient in Vitamin B12, a vitamin associated with memory, mood, energy and red blood cell health. Vitamin B12 is our largest vitamin and requires a good amount of stomach acid and a protein, called intrinsic factor, to break it down and absorb it. This is likely why so many people have suboptimal levels of this key vitamin.

Vitamin B12 can only be obtained from animal sources, as plant sources of B12 are in the analog form, which cannot be absorbed by the body. Methylcobalamin is the active form of B12 that the body can use, which can be found in methyl B-12 supplements or animal sources of B12. (12)

Signs of a Deficiency: If you have low energy, find yourself craving meat, suffer from anemia, or find yourself bruising easily, you likely could benefit from getting more B12 in your diet.

What To Eat:

This is a case where you want to eat what you crave. Increase your intake of:

Organic grass-fed meat

Venison

Veal

Bison

Pasture-raised chicken, turkey and eggs

Folate

The Nutrient: Also known as Vitamin B9, folate is the active form of folic acid that is necessary to support cardiovascular health, cellular health and cognitive health. With up to 40 to 60 percent of the population having the genetic variant for the MTHFR gene, consuming folate-rich foods, as opposed to synthetic folic acid, is necessary for overall health.

Methyl Folate is the biologically active form of Vitamin B9. It is also the form that is transported across membranes into peripheral tissues, particularly across the blood brain barrier. Methyl folate is used in the methylation process, which contributes to DNA health, detoxification pathways, and cell health.

Signs of a Deficiency: Natural dietary folate is found in food, while Folic acid is the synthetic form of B9 required to be added into processed grains. (13) If you crave processed grains, you may need more folate. This is also true if you have a history of cardiovascular disease, miscarriages, or experience fatigue, low energy, loss of appetite, anemia and have changes in mood and irritability.

What To Eat:

Dark leafy greens such as spinach and arugula

Beets

Bell peppers

Cauliflower

Asparagus

Broccoli

Lentils

Avocados

Okra

Brussels sprouts.

Vitamin D

The Nutrient: Also known as the sunshine vitamin, Vitamin D acts as a pro-regulatory hormone in the body, influencing over 2,000 genes. When our skin is exposed to the sun, Vitamin D produces compounds that support healthy moods.

With up to 70 percent of the population being deficient in Vitamin D, it is no surprise that our mood, cravings and even our immune health can be affected by having low levels of this vital vitamin. Scientists found that people with low vitamin D symptoms are 11 times more prone to be depressed than those who had normal levels. (14)

Signs of a Deficiency: If you find yourself getting sick a lot, having poor mood, bone loss, back pain and feel tired and fatigued you likely have low vitamin D levels.

What To Eat:

Fatty fish, such as tuna, mackerel and salmon,

Beef liver

Egg yolks

Note: Getting outside and playing in the sun can be a great way to increase your Vitamin D levels, but be sure to expose roughly 70 percent of your skin as close to solar noon as possible.

Selenium

The Nutrient: Selenium is an antioxidant-rich essential trace mineral that works in conjunction with other enzymes and proteins in the body. Selenoprotein S in particular is involved in the protection against cellular stress and regulating the release of pro-inflammatory cytokine release.

Adequate selenium levels are essential for not only proper immune function, but also for regulating excessive immune response (found at the root cause of several autoimmune diseases), chronic inflammation and protecting cells against free radical damage. (15)

Signs of a Deficiency: A decline in cognitive health, thyroid functioning and immune health, as well as heart disease and infertility may be signs of a selenium deficiency. If you find yourself excessively tired, as well as craving salty foods you could benefit from increasing your selenium intake.

What To Eat:

Brazil nuts

Garlic

Tuna

Nori

Seaweed

Sunflower seeds

Turkey

Lentils

Spinach.

Antioxidants

The Nutrient: Antioxidants are categorized as either fat soluble or water soluble. However, your body needs both to protect your cells from oxidative damage and free radical damage.

Antioxidants help rid the body of dangerous oxidative products by converting them into hydrogen peroxide, then into water. This is done through a multi-step process that requires a variety of trace minerals, such as zinc, copper, manganese, and iron, which are found in foods that are rich in antioxidants.

Signs of a Deficiency: If you have low energy levels, crave sweets, seem irritable and have general low immune function you can benefit from getting more antioxidants into your diet.

What To Eat:

Organic fruits and berries

Chlorophyll-rich vegetables

Lemons and limes

Grapefruits

Tart cherries

Sulfur-rich veggies like onions, garlic, broccoli, cauliflower, and broccoli sprouts.

CoQ10-rich foods, such as grass-fed beef, liver, sardines and mackerel.

(Read this Next: 9 Leaky Gut Symptoms and How to Start Healing Now)

The post 9 Nutrient Deficiencies Making You Crave Junk — What Your Body Really Wants Instead appeared first on PaleoPlan.

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#paleo #recipe #food #delicious #healthy #yum #diet

[pcoswontstopme-blog]

The emotional roller-coaster you go through when having PCOS and wanting a family. TTC W/ PCOS

They tell you that everything will be okay and to keep a positive outlook, that no matter what, god will answer your prayers “When It’s Your TIME”. However, I find it hard to believe, then again i'm not sure what to believe anymore. There are way to many situations that make me think that it's not completely up to god to tell us when we are ready or not. I truly think that we are never really ready for anything this world throws at us. I have never really wrote down everything I've felt while experiencing this, and i think it's time i take the time to LET IT OUT. I am not posting this to get the approval from others but sometimes you just need to let it out, and from what I've come across on the internet, I might be able to help someone that may be experiencing the same things as me . . I hope to be that encouragement to those that face these challenges .

Well, let me start by introducing myself as Luna, ( Not my real name but we don't need to get that personal, i want to share my experience, not my government credentials ). However i will tell you this, i am at the age of 25 and will be turning 26 in just a few short months. I’ve been in a stable and healthy relationship for about 9 years, He is truly amazing and one of the biggest blessings in my life. We have a pretty active sex life and should have been blessed with a beautiful baby by now. Unfortunately, that has not happened yet. I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2016, and let me tell you everything started to make since after i heard the news. The lack of periods for months was the first sign that i suspected to have PCOS, following the lack of periods came the facial hair ( mainly light hairs on the upper lip ), the lack of weight loss or weight gain, ( i have been 175 lbs since 2010 ) and along with all of these symptoms i have one of the worst over-actives bladders. I wake up 6 times a night and use the restroom about every 30 minutes to every hour . Let’s just say, I finally had enough and went to the doctors where I was given Metformin and birth control to help regulate my hormones and period, unfortunately the Metformin made me feel extremely sick and the birth control made my periods even worse. I then decided to take the natural route and avoid any medications from 2016 mid year to 2018 mid year.

Mid 2016 after all the metformin and terrible birth control i finally decided to start home remedies, in hopes that something will spark a hormone in my body that will level out all the other hormones . After hours of research i came across this pill called “ Dong Quai Root “, Everything they posted on the website seemed amazing, but i should have known not to believe everything they post on the internet.  The Dong Quai Root was taken for approx. 2 months and within those 2 months i did not see a difference other then cramping and skin irritation. I felt dehydrated and sick the whole time i was taking that pill. At this point 2016 is coming to an end and i have given up all hope on having a family because nothing seemed to work . we decided to take a year off in 2017 and let nature run its course and just like the last year NOTHING HAPPENED . Not once did i get a positive HPT, everyone around me was having babies or announcing they were expecting . You try so hard  to be supportive but deep down you are drowning in your own tears because you just want to experience the babies movements and experience the start of your VERY OWN FAMILY, you just end up feeling so helpless and broken. You begin to question if you are good enough to be a mom, if god has some vendetta against me, if i'm living life the wrong way. BUT……. Then again you have to look at all the ones who get pregnant on drugs, get pregnant after being raped, and those who also have trouble getting pregnant. We are not alone and one day we will get our blessing.    

2018 , The start of clomid - After sitting depressed and losing hope, i got up and told myself not to give up. I have come this far to give up ? NO WAY, NOT TODAY SATAN ! . March 2nd, 2018 i was prescribed clomid on a small dose of 50mg for 5 days, now here's the tricky part. - My Dr. told me that since i do not get a period i can take it when i get the medicine and take OPK test to check when i ovulate. - NOW, anyone who has tried TTC and is new to the OPK knows that they can be beyond the point of confusing. So due to being confused the first month was a complete BUST. May rolled around and i took round 2 of clomid - 50 mg- about 2 weeks after taking the clomid i was experiencing cramping, cw discharge ( ovulation ) , extremely sore breast, still frequent urination ( i experience this on a daily and THIS WILL NOT HELP ME DISTINGUISH IF I AM PREGNANT OR NOT ), back pain, mood swings and being extremely tired all day . Even with all the symptoms i felt from the 2nd round i still had a negative HPT, the tears are rolling and my hope is flying out the window.

Ive seen and heard of women that take 2 rounds of clomid and they get pregnant after the first or second round. You start to think that you’re not meant to have kids. I refuse to give up that easily, through the pain and tears i will fight until the end to have a beautiful blessing . July, September And November i experienced the same symptoms that i listed above, expect in December i took the clomid with a tbsp of Robitussin , and Got a normal 6 day period and ovulated on the same time every month i took clomid, and still nothing but a NEGATIVE HPT . I ended the clomid in November , I started to get this extremely light pink spotting on November 9th nothing that required a pad it ended the same day it started and arrived again on the 13th to the 16th, again it was nothing that showed on a pad it was only when i wiped.  After the 16th i didn't get spotting again until the 24th of November to the 26th which was again nothing major with was accompanied by some slight flutters and cramping mainly on the left side of my uterus area. The flutters and cramps started to fade away and i felt somewhat normal until November 30th when the cramping and the spotting came back and ended on the 1st of December . I didn't have much spotting through December i only had spotting on December 7th, 20th, and the 21st, for the whole month of December i did not get a period but on December 26th thru the 28th i was puking and feeling extremely sick and sleeping. After those few days i felt completely fine and haven't thrown up since, with all of the on and off symptoms i really believed that this was going to be my first positive HPT, sadly i was mistaken. On January 1st , 2019 i took a HPT and it was negative. After about 15 minutes of reading the result on the test i noticed a very thin line , chances are that it was just the evaporation line from the test sitting for too long. This whole month of January 2019 has been a huge roller coaster. My body is feeling way to many symptoms to process what is really going on. On January 10th i started to get some very light spotting again. At this point i knew it wasn't going to last more then a day , it was beyond the point of light and barely showed. However that didn't make me think that i was pregnant, with all the negative HPT that i have taken i really couldn't bring myself to take another one and end up with heartache.

Here is where i start to worry, from January 11th thru the 19th i didn't feel any type of cramping, discomfort, spotting, sore breast, exhaustion, or mood swings. I started to believe that the PCOS was going back to a unbalanced mess until January 20th hit. On January 20th i started cramping on my left side, that spotting came back ( extremely light and only showed when i wiped ), i have this constant light/dull cramping sensation all across my uterus, and now i am experiencing 2 weeks of excruciating sore nipples and breast, my breast hurt when i walk no matter how fast or slow, they hurt to have a bra on, when water hits them, even massaging them makes the pain go from a 8 to a 15, this lasted up until today February 2nd 2019, On February 1st 2019 i took a HPT to check and see if maybe this was it, maybe i finally became pregnant after 7 full years of trying. So i made sure that i was going to buy a $5 test ( i don't trust dollar tree test since i have PCOS i have read about women who do not show HTC levels on most test mainly the cheap test - how true it is idk but i wanted a test that made me feel confident ) . I took the test and sadly got a negative, and again that ultra thin line showed up that is extremely hard to see unless you hold it up to a light. Evaporation line ?? . . i'm all out of options. I have a doctors appointment as of february 21st to see what we have going on . I promise to fight day in and day out until the day i get blessed with a family and even after i will fight to provide the best life for you that i can .

There will always be those people in you life that tell you “ Dont have kids “ “ you want them now but just wait til their 2, 3, 6, 16, 19, “ or the famous “ kids are expensive “ saying from people who would rather pay for beer then formula or diapers. No matter what we go through in life, we will never be fully ready to have a child. I know that mentally i can handle a group of 4 kids running wild and i still find the patience and time to tend to their needs and my own. I know for a fact that i can love a child unconditionally and provide for them regardless . My heart is screaming to be a mom. I would love nothing more then to be able to raise my child to be the best person they can be in this sad messed up world. Many people want to raise their kids to know how to fight and tell someone off when they feel offended. I want to raise my child to know that they dont need friends in this world to be successful, they do not need drugs or alcohol to feel like they can fit in, they dont need to bully other kids to make themselves feel better, i want to show them how to respect their elders, they will use manners and speak properly, they will attend school and most of all THEY WILL FEEL LOVED AND SAFE . they will know that no matter where they go in life , that i their mother will always be right there and always do my best to give them the world. Most people cant stand to see other parents actually attend to their kids needs. We are instantly called brainwashed or weak.

#clomid #clomiphene #pcos #ttc with pcos #ttc baby 1 #pregnancy #pregnant #symptoms #negative hpt #baby #7years of ttc

[snowedinpodcast]

Transcript below the cut! 

Let’s Walk: Spirit Butterflies [Transcript]

[Content Warning: ghost stories, vaguely unsettling imagery like shadowy figures and death-inducing charms: no bodily or mental harm)]

「今日も雨 あの日と今を/空と空でつなぎたいの」

(Translation: Today it’s also raining; even now I want to connect that person’s sky to mine)

Let’s talk ghost stories, dudes. I’ve got a couple from mom, from her time growing up in Japan, and … they make me feel a kind of way. They remind me how … my agnostic ass does enjoy some chthonic, earthy spiritualism. 

I guess a quick prelude is in order before we get into the, into the meat of things. I don’t tie myself to any one faith or another. My dad is a Zen Buddhist. My mom is … casually Shinto? There aren’t any strict religious traditions that we really do in regards to either of my parents’ choice of faith. We do Christmas kind of superficially, for the presents and for the fun of it, not so much for the Biblical significance … so that’s my background. 

What I do like is places and objects that feel like they have a kind of agency—some sort of presence that is beyond my understanding, as a human. I don’t need to know if it’s the case or not, I don’t even know if I’d be able to know if it was the case or not, I just like feeling that way. I like liminal spaces, places where the normal bustling activity you expect is gone, and so everything feels alien and strange: like an overpass at two in the morning. There’s still some cars—which feels strange, ‘cause it’s two in the morning, where could you people possibly be going?—and yet, there’s so few cars compared to what you’re used to in the daytime that … you can hear the individual hums of each car as they go by. And it’s intimacy is what it is, you’re too close to something you’re not normally close to or aware of in that way. I like that. I like intimacy with places and with objects. I like picking up a skeleton key in an antique store and feeling the heft of it … and then looking at the price tag and seeing that it’s $4.00 and I am absolutely too cheap to pay that for a single key, no matter how pretty it is!

I do like thrifted clothes, though and that’s also part of it: I like the story that this object has, I like that it’s outlasted me already and it will probably outlast me if I take good care of it. And again, it’s not about knowing, I don’t need to know who owned it previously, I just like the wondering, I just like reaching out into this nebulous life-before-me … and sitting with it. Life outside of me. Life beyond me. 

So that’s the part of ghost stories that I like so much. And—I guess maybe ghost stories isn’t entirely fair. That’s what I like about … about unexplained, natural moments. Chthonic earth magic! Yeah, let’s just call it chthonic earth magic, sounds good. It’s kinda redundant because “chthonic” means of the earth, so. Apparently, also, “occult” really just means of nature: magic that is tied into naturalness. Occult has gained a connotation with the demonic and the sinister but it includes more than just that. 

‘Kay, I think it’s story time. I’m going to give you … three stories. Two are short, one is long. 

First story: My mom’s mom, her grandma—no! Her mom, my grandma—Obaasan—told her that if you notice a shadowy shape behind a tree, behind a building, lingering around you, you should think, inside your head, that you and this shape are of different worlds and there is nothing you can do to help it … and you leave it alone. This didn’t really hit that hard for my mom until the day in elementary school or middle school when she was out at recess, out in the schoolyard, and she did sense a shadowy humanoid figure ... and she took her mom’s advice and didn’t interact with it. [Sigh].

I can’t say I’ve had any experiences like that, but there is a little stone lantern sculpture thing that we have in our front yard. It has a hole that runs right through the center of the main lantern part. It almost looks like a little house, actually, ‘cause there’s a cylindrical piece that is the main body of the lantern and then a heavy, straw-triangle-hat-shaped stone piece that fits into that cylindrical body—so I always called it “the spirit house.” And I remember one summer I just left bundles of flowers in that hole through the middle because it just felt like a nice thing to do for whatever creature was living in it—‘cause I guess I just felt like a thing might be living in it and it’d be nice to give it things? And this freaked my mom out. She didn’t like that at all. She said not to look through the hole, don’t try to interact with the thing, stop leaving it gifts. Of course, I kept doing it, and nothing happened to me, but I remember … I remember feeling distinctly, one day, that there wasn’t a thing there anymore. And so I stopped giving it flowers. Or maybe I just got tired of it, who knows, but yeah. Yeah! 

Occult stuff doesn’t happen to me, I really wish it would. Come mess with me, demons, I invite you. I may live to regret that … that invitation. 

Second story. My mom was hanging out with a bunch of friends from school, they went to one of the friend's houses and played hide and seek, played card games, Karuta, what kids do. And at some point they noticed there was one more child than originally gathered at the house. My mom took into account the advice of her mom and she didn’t point this out, she just waited it out, continued to play with her friends and this new mystery child who no one could quite identify. And then at the end of the, the playdate, when everyone went home, there was the right amount of children in the house … same number as before. 

Third story. This was prompted by me telling my mom about the drive home from seeing Wonder Woman at a drive-in theatre a state away. I took on the driving, uh, two of my friends—we’ll call them H and K—came along. Um, because we still live in pandemic times, we all wore masks, and we kept our gathering to a small number, just the three of us, so. So it was obviously not the safest but it was, it was within covid19 safety regulations and it’d been a while since any of us had hung out, so … you do what you do. You make do. And it was really fun. It was great. They served food at the venue so we didn't have to worry too much about bringing snacks. We’d all seen Wonder Woman before, so we got to make snide comments and jokes and gush about how hot the characters were the whole time [laugh]. It was, it was just, it was so exciting. We also talked about Greek mythology—my buddy H is big into that stuff, and Ares plays a significant role in this film, so y’know. Good times. 

On that drive home, I was on a main road and got six or seven or eight green lights in a row. It was unusual. It wasn’t … occult-y … but it was unusual, and by the third light that remained green as I sailed beneath it with my friends beside me … I started bowing my head a little bit as we came up to the next light, and the next light, and the next. They kept letting me through, so it felt ritualistic. But not dangerous, it felt … interesting. When I finally hit a red light it was just as I was in the lane to make a left turn into a major highway, so it felt like the natural end of that road. I was moving from one path to another, and so I would’ve had to slow down or stop anyway. 

When I told my mom about this, she told me about the trips in the taxi to and from the summer house where her extended family members gathered. These weren’t fun trips for her, there was a bunch of drama [laugh] on my mom’s side of the family. Drama is putting it pretty lightly, um … her mother was married to the first son of the family and so there were pretty heavy expectations put on her and she was expected to do a bunch of maternal caretaking for free and to not complain about it. And she was looked down upon by other members of the family. Not entirely sure why—maybe it was because my grandma’s family’s status wasn’t the same as the status of the family of the guy she married, but, either way, from what I understand, there was significant mistreatment and emotional abuse and it wasn’t a good time. 

My mom had a sense of that, the other cousins kind of singled her and her older sister out. The, the patriarch of the family, I think her grandfather, would pick a child and question them at mealtimes and my mom did not like that pressure. He was a difficult man to read and she just didn’t know what he wanted and she ... [sigh] it was a source of stress for her, she wasn’t a fan. So she remembers these trips as unhappy. She remembers knowing she’d have to eat boiling hot noodles in the sweltering, humid summers of Japan because noodles were the family patriarch’s favorite dish. Just general unpleasantries. 

At least twice—maybe more?—on the drives to this summer house, the taxi driver would seem to be lost. It was like the path turned into a loop. More time than it should’ve taken to reach the summer house would go by. And then my mom would notice that her older sister was squeezing her hand. She would look over, and her older sister would tell her, quietly, that she’d seen the same tree multiple times. This struck my mom as kinda strange ‘cause she would look out the window and just see a blur of trunks, no singular tree discernible amongst the swath of them, but her sister said what she said and eventually the taxi driver would pull over and get out of the car to do some small activity. Maybe go have a smoke, maybe circle the car a little bit and mutter. Then they would get back in the car, get back on the road, and the path would sort itself out. They’d get to the house late and the taxi driver would offer a reduced rate to make up for the trouble. 

My mom says she doesn’t remember where she’d heard this, but this is what she told me about this phenomenon: when you find yourself on a path that turns into a loop, you may see an inn. That inn will have a door, and behind that door will be a long hallway that doesn’t have anybody in it. You should not pull over into the parking lot of this inn, you should not knock on the door—not for food, not for water, not for directions, not for anything—and you should definitely not go in. What you’re supposed to do is find a place to stop, to break the cycle, to get off the road. Take a little break, exit your vehicle if you have to, don’t stray far. Then get back in and you will find the path takes you where it’s supposed to take you. 

I asked her what deity or creature is responsible for this driving diversion and she says she doesn’t know. It’s all very mysterious. Chthf—[laughs]. Chthonic earth magic really be that way. 

So yeah. Now that we’re on the ghost topic, the spiritualism topic, I did think of something. I wish more occult-y stuff happened to me, that would be exciting, make me a believer, why don’t you—again, making invitations I may live to regret [laughs]. But there is something I take notice of every so often. It hasn’t happened for a long time, but, especially back when I was in Japanese school—which I did from kindergarten … no, from preschool, up through … no, from kindergarten up through the end of middle school, I’m pretty sure—we would have field day at least once a year. Granted, Japanese school was a four-hour session every Saturday, it wasn’t after school every day for me, but it was an occurrence, and I wasn’t always a fan of it because why do I have to have an extra day of school when my friends get to have two days of weekend? So there were ups and downs and there were times I was grateful for it and times I was less grateful for it … and overall that shakes out to a net positive, I guess; thanks parents, thanks for pushing me. I’m glad I have a basic third-grader’s amount of Japanese vocabulary and sentence structure. That’s all I retained but it’s better than nothing. 

Anyway, we had field day every year, I remember being in the indoor gym—this is important—being in the indoor gym, digging through my backpack, pushed up against all the other backpacks at the side of the gymnasium, and seeing a flicker of something out of the corner of my eye? It moved the way a butterfly does, a sort of uncertain hover, very quick and noncommittal. I don’t remember what color it was. I think it might’ve been gray. But I couldn’t look at it because someone called my name—one of my friends—and I looked over at them and they were telling me it’s time to line up to go do one of the, one of the sports day activities. Tie your hitai-ate around your head already—tie the strip of cloth that’s red on one side, white on the other, the two colors of the Japanese flag and the two teams that you could be placed on to either one of for field day activities—and, uh, get your butt over here already, man. [Note: The term for this cloth is actually “hachimaki”; “hitai-ate” refers to a forehead-tie from the Naruto manga and anime. My bad!]

I looked back where I thought I saw a flutter, obviously nothing was there, and I went and did field day. This happened also at an outdoor field day. Some years before or after, again, I was sitting somewhere, on the grass I think, on the hilly part of the courtyard, and I remember seeing a flutter and I think, this time, it was white … I’ve seen grey flutters, black flutters, and white flutters. I think most often white … probably because it’s light shifting from a door that moves, but you know, who knows. But yeah, I remember telling my mom about these too; I tend to, whenever anything vaguely interesting that is possibly of a spiritual nature happens, and I think she was puzzled about them? She didn’t seem to be concerned, she didn’t seem to be thrilled. 

But yeah. Yeah. There is a very tenuous thread that weaves my whole life together and it is various shades of spirit butterflies, I guess. If that’s really so, the universe is in good hands. Good paws … good feet? Good wings? 

[ Hi, I’m here to break the no-edits rule that this podcast promised you [laughs]. I have one more thought to add to this meditation. When I was 10 years old, maybe, on a trip to Japan to the Inari shrine, specifically, I was “called” into the woods—supposedly—by the Inari god. The fox god. The Trickster god. That is how my mom remembers this, that is how she told it to my grandma, who was as concerned as my mom was. 

I don’t remember it this way. I remember seeing a path in the bamboo shoots and just thinking it was cool and trodden on but not as much as the main path … so I should follow it. See where it goes. Why not? The wind whistled past me as I was running down, and then I heard my mom yell, and I guess she seemed farther away than I thought I had managed to get by that point. But I turned around, and I went back to her, and she was upset. 

Having talked to her about this more over the years, she’s since revealed that there’s supposedly a cart that sells dark talismans off the beaten path of the Inari shrine. Normally, at most shrines, you will be able to purchase various talismans for good health, for success, for … good romance, for positive studying results. But then this other cart, which is harder to get too and off to the side, sells bad luck totems and wishes for death upon individuals of your choosing … talismans of that nature. So when I thought I was running down any old little path, my mom thought I was being called to the dark cart. [Laugh]. So I guess, in retrospect, I see why that was troubling to her. 

Another thing about the Inari shrine is that you can buy little pieces of paper that are cut in the shape of a fox and they tell you … your fortune, pretty much? Yeah. You don’t get to see what it says until you’ve bought one, obviously, there’s a container full of them, you pay, you pick one out. And we did them, my mom got ... I think middle luck, or something? I think my dad might’ve gotten bad luck, or one step above bad luck. But I got big luck … I got the, the best option they have in there, and that struck my mom as strange because apparently Inari-san doesn’t really favor anyone? Or if they do, their favor is fickle, because they’re a trickster god. They just, they just like watching things burn. They don’t have loyalties ... to people. We’re just little dolls to them that they can maneuver for fun. ]

Alright, well, this has been fun. Thank you for that. Always good to talk to you. I’ll catch you on the next. 

#snowed in podcast #snowedinpodcast #sip #this one was recorded on #201015 #and the quoted song is Sakasama No Chou by SNoW #spirit butterflies

[scripttorture]

Starvation Part 1: What it does to individuals

Part of the reason this post has taken so damn long is because from a writer’s point of view there’s a lot to cover. I started out trying to fit everything in one post and it really wasn’t working out.

 So instead I’m splitting it in two. We’re going to start by talking about starvation at an individual level. How much people need to survive, for how long and what starvation would do to your character.

 The next post is going to be on mass starvation: famine.

 How much food is enough?

 The figure I see quoted most commonly is 2,500 kCalories for an adult man and 2,000 kCalories for an adult woman. The difference is presumably based on the assumption that men are physically larger.

 The World Food Programme gives 2,100 kCalories per person per day to those completely dependent on food aid. (When people have access to some food but not enough the WFP gives less food aid and judges this based on each situation).

 The World Health Organisation relates calorie requirements for severely malnourished people to body weight (with the caveat that variation can be up to 30%). For adults of 19-75 their figure is 45 kCalories per kg of body weight; higher calorie intakes are recommended for younger teenagers and children.

 Those are all estimates of what people should get.

 Human beings are capable of surviving for prolonged periods on much less. In Belomor, an early Soviet Gulag, the forced labourers were given around 1,300 kCalories a day (Snyder), and in China during Mao’s famine peasants could expect between 500g-150g of grain a day* (Dikötter), depending on how valuable they were judged as being.

 Depending on their level of physical activity people can survive for months or sometimes years on diets that are a little over half the normal calorie intake.

 The volunteers in the Minnesota Starvation Experiment lost 25% of their body weight and were kept on a severely restricted diet for six months. The people who set up the experiment deemed this length of time safe.

 Your characters can realistically survive in a severely malnourished condition for a pretty long period of time.

 What does starvation do?

 Along with a host of physical changes starvation also seems to induce a particular mind-set and group of psychological symptoms. It’s really important to include both in your writing in order to really capture what’s happening to your character.

 Physical

 ·         Weight loss

·         Reduction of muscle mass

·         Growth of body hair (this compensates for loss of fat to keep the body warm, it is often curly like pubic hair)

·         Pain

·         Measurable decrease of physical strength and speed

·         Lack of coordination

·         Hair and nails become brittle

·         Bones become weaker

·         Menstruation stops

·         Victims often appear paler or ‘ashen’

·         Skin is less elastic

·         Dry mouth, tongue and absence of tears

·         Inability to regulate body temperature (victims become dangerously hot or cold very easily)

·         Moving too quickly, especially getting up or sitting down, can cause fainting fits

·         Swelling in the legs, similar to the edema observed in stress positions.

·         In children growth is halted, a condition known as ‘wasting’.

·         Poor circulation results in cold hands and feet, in serious cases a weak radial pulse.

·         Prolapsed uterus may occur, which can vary from the uterus sagging below the cervix to parts of the uterus becoming visible outside the vagina

·         Bloating of the abdomen called oedema (this happens in severe cases; a character in this condition may not survive)

·         Diseases/conditions caused by lack of nutrients, anaemia, rickets, hypoglycaemia etc

·         Multiple organ failure as the body cannibalises itself

 There are also additional physical problems that, while not directly caused by starvation, are more common in severely malnourished people. These include:

Infections, both bacterial and fungal

Disease, particularly diarrhoea, but other infectious diseases are also more common and kill in larger numbers (an estimated 10-15% of deaths during the Chinese famine are attributed to typhus, typhoid and fevers)

Pneumonia and dysentery seem particularly common in famine conditions.

Parasitic infections, especially helminths and other intestinal worms

 Psychological

 I think the best way to start this off is with some quotes from the men who volunteered for the Minnesota Starvation Experiment. The men were conscientious objectors during World War 2 who wanted to help the millions of people being deliberately starved at the time. They voluntarily starved themselves for six months under the supervision of several doctors, leading to a new and better understanding of the effect starvation has on the body and mind.

 These are their words, their summary of what starvation felt like.

 “The time between meals has now become a burden. This time is no longer thought of as an opportunity to get those things done which I have to do or want to do. Instead, it's time to be borne, killed until the next meal, which never comes fast enough.” Month 1.

 “I purchased a tube of toothpaste yesterday. Finally got around to using it for the first time last night. Had a desire to eat the paste, but controlled it.” Month 3

 “Received a new insight and shock as to my physical condition today. Tried to play table tennis for the first time in four months and was amazed at the amount of effort it took to hit the ball. Also the lack of co-ordination and poor response of the arm. I had no idea co-ordination would be so poor.” Month 3

 “This week of starvation found me completely tired practically every day. If they want to get any more work out of me, they're going to have to feed me.” Month 4

 “Last week was unquestionably my toughest. I had hunger pains every day. Tuesday afternoon I had to quit work because the pains were so bad.” Month 5

 “Stayed up until 5:00 A. M. last night studying cook-books. So absorbing I can't stay away from them.” Month 6

 Below are the main psychological effects of starvation. The majority of these symptoms affect every starving person to a severe degree. They create a mind-set peculiar to the starving which can only be relieved by food and recovery.

 Apathy

Lack of concentration

Obsession with food

Lack of sex drive (in sexual people)

Reduced ability to care for others and show empathy

Extreme lethargy and lack of energy

Lack of motivation

Emotional ‘blunting’, a lack of emotional response

‘Dejection’ and symptoms similar to mild depression

Lack of confidence

Irritability that coincides with apathy and lack of interest, leading to a switch between extremes. Listlessness followed by sudden outbursts.

Constant frustration

Outbursts of bad temper, especially when waiting for or around food

Severe mood swings

Anxiety, even when there is a secure source of food

Restlessness

Alienation and animosity towards strangers

Less care taken over personal appearance

There is no drop in intelligence in adults, but lack of concentration and focus makes learning difficult

Children who are starved in the first 2 years of life perform worse in schools

Indecisiveness

Forgetfulness

 During recovery some of the emotional and psychological symptoms of starvation persist. This is temporary but it’s worth keeping in mind if you’re writing someone as they get better. They’re likely to recover their normal energy levels well before they gain control over their mood swings. As a result it should take a character a while to adjust to behaving in a normal, socially acceptable way. They may be more aggressive for a short time when they start eating normally.

 It feels like there is so much more to say here. There are a lot of points that I’ve only touched on.

 But the aim is to give a summary, an overview which hopefully paints a picture of the experience of starvation and will help you write it.

 Sources:

World Food Programme

           -If you like my work please consider donating to the WFP, their global funding was cut recently which is having a detrimental effect on famine relief worldwide.

World Health Organisation

           -These are their guidelines for identifying child malnutrition.

           -These are their guidelines for managing malnutrition generally (1999)

Men and Hunger: a psychological manual for relief workers by H S Guetzkow, P H Bowman, A Keys, 1946 (The Minnesota Starvation Experiment)

           -This is not the full text but the 70 page summary sent out to relief workers immediately following the experiment. Highly recommended, this covers all the important psychological and physical points necessary for an author writing a starving character. However it does contain some racist and sexist language common during the 1940s when it was written.

Mao’s Great Famine by F Dikotter, Bloomsbury, 2010

Bloodlands: Europe between Hitler and Stalin, by T Synder, Penguin, 2010

 *Note: the calorific value of the food given to people during the famine in China is unclear. Measurements were in weights and volumes so like for like comparison isn’t possible.

Edit: Gentle reminder that I am not a doctor and information on starvation should never be taken as diet advice. 

Disclaimer

#tw torture #tw starvation #tw famine #tw genocide #starvation #psychological effects of starvation #physical effects of starvation #reduced diets #Minnesota starvation experiment #China #World Health Organisation #World Food Programme

[buckybabybaby]

Bodyguard Bucky.

A/n: The title is unoriginal af, I know. Just a little thing I wrote because I saw a dvd of ‘The Bodyguard’ in a charity shop and was hit with the idea, that Bucky is your bodyguard but you’re secretly in love with him. (It is nothing like that film/play, I haven’t seen it but I looked up the plot.) I thought 'that’ll be easy to write’, but oh my gosh, was I wrong! It’s gone through so many rewrites and had about half of the original version cut, and it has some of the same themes as other things I’ve written, but I hope it’s okay…

Proof read by way of a text-speech device.

Summary: You’re secretly in love with Bucky, your bodyguard, but now he’s leaving…Whatcha gonna do?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader (Gender Neutral)

(Mentions of being Tony Starks’ child, but only mentions, and it’s not clear if you’re adopted or what-not, to keep it inclusive...)

Word count: 2136

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol/intoxication, some angst and crying, but fluff by the end :)

Masterlist

As Y/N Stark, Tony Stark’s one and only child, you were obviously going to be a bit of an easy target, so since you’d finished school you’d had a bodyguard to protect you practically 24/7. The man entrusted to keep you safe for the past few years was one James Buchanan Barnes, or Bucky to you, and over that time you’d like to believe that he’d come to be more of a friend than just paid protection. 

Apparently not though. Last week he’d announced he was to quit with no warning and that single action had sent your life into turmoil, having realised a long time ago that you were completely and utterly in love with him.

Now it’s late on Friday night and you’re drunk on the dance floor. This is your 'great idea’. You had planned on dancing with a few guys to get him jealous, and then, in your fantasy, he would sweep you away and kiss you whilst promising to stay forever. It could happen, right? 

It isn’t happening though. Bucky is just observing impassively from the bar instead, and suddenly you are more tired than you’ve ever been, and all you want is to go home. However, the man you have pressed yourself to is very handsy. Catching Bucky’s eye, you know he recognises your panic as he’s immediately storming through the mass of dancers to rip the guy off you and pin him to the wall. 

Looking between you and your bodyguard, the man frowns.

“Why the hell would you dance with me if you have a boyfriend?”

It’s not the first time someone has mistaken Bucky’s behaviour as that of a protective lover, but he seems shocked by the interpretation this time. His grip on the guy loosens so much he’s able to slip free and make a dash for the exit and you grab Bucky’s sleeve to stop him from following.

“Please don’t leave me.” 

Do you mean literally right now, or are you’re talking about his impending redeployment? Either way, his attention is affectively drawn back to you and you are very aware of his gaze as he watches you sway. There’s a few seconds when nobody speaks and then he takes your hand to quickly lead you out to the car park and help you into the waiting vehicle. He climbs in behind you, because of course you have a driver as well, and you take a long time fastening your seatbelt to avoid conversation. 

Normally the ride home was your favourite part of any night out. In the car is one of the only times he doesn’t have to be so alert for danger and quiet moments alone like this were how you fell in love with him. You can tell he’s trying to get your attention but you can’t think of anything to say so you just slump in your seat and count the passing street lights.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You continue to stare out the window as you ask, “About what?”

“Whatever tonight was. You never go out on your own, your always drag at least one of your friends along with you, so what’s wrong?”

“It’s not like you care.” 

You sound like a whiny five year old, blinking away tears as you realise just how true your statement actually is. There is a click from behind you as Bucky moves from his seat into the middle one next to yours, but you refuse to turn to face him and as soon as you arrive home, you quickly slip out of the door. 

Now to tackle the maze that is the tower complex. For some reason you think taking the stairs is a good idea, and Bucky hovers behind you all the way as you stumble up them slowly. When you finally get to your floor, you burst into your room and flop down on the bed fully clothed, flipping over onto your back when Bucky sighs at you.

“Come on Y/N, you know you don’t want to sleep like that.”

You pout at the ceiling and go completely limp when he attempts to pull you back up, so he relents and tucks the covers around you. The emotion on his face is hard to read and you regret everything you’ve ever done to make him look at you like that.

“I’m really going to miss you Bucky.” 

You hope he might at least say he’ll miss you too, but when he doesn’t reply at all it just adds to your evidence that he never really liked you. Thinking about it rationally, he wasn’t being paid to be your friend, but that doesn’t stop you from curling in on yourself in misery. There’s a shuffling as he plugs your phone into charge like he always does, and you watch as he walks to the threshold.

“Goodnight Y/N.” 

The door is closed softly behind him, and the automatic security system activates, meaning he’s free to leave you alone. For a couple of seconds you can hear his footsteps down the corridor, and the beep of the lift as it arrives before it’s silent again. 

He’s gone, out of your life possibly forever, and the tears won’t stop.

You’re seriously regretting sleeping in your clothes last night. They’re too tight and slightly itchy, and you wish you’d at least washed your face and cleaned your teeth. With the way you’d cried yourself to sleep it probably wouldn’t have made much difference to how you feel, but maybe if you’d woken up in your pyjama’s you wouldn’t have instantly remembered why you were so upset. As it is you’re horribly aware that today you meet your new bodyguard. 

Your father had messaged you earlier to ask if you’d wanted to come greet them, but you’d said you were feeling sick, which wasn’t a lie, and that if you could be left alone for the rest of the day that’d be great. Rolling out of bed you decide a very long shower is in order.

By three o'clock you are feeling less ill and more hungry. The thought of interacting with anyone if you leave your room stops you from venturing outside, but your stomach rumbling hints that soon you’re going to have to just suck it up and act like you’re not absolutely heartbroken. 

A loud knock disturbs you from your dilemma. Whoever was there better have an important reason for being so, or a death wish. Wrapping your dressing gown tighter around yourself you fling the door open, ready to rip whoever was disturbing you a new one, but you swallow your words at the sight you’re met with. 

Bucky is standing there, carrying a single gorgeous rose and wearing in a much nicer outfit than usual, along with a hopeful expression. You’re staring as you try to take it all in. 

“Did you leave something here last night?”

“Yes. You.” He pushes the flower into your hand and then bends down to pick up the pizza boxes you hadn’t noticed. He hesitates for a moment, before asking, “Can I come in?”

You’re so overwhelmed that you can only silently motion for him to enter, noting the relief on his face as he steps into your room. You really had thought that yesterday was going to be the last time you ever saw him, as you hadn’t been able to bring yourself to ask what he was going to do after he left this job, so you have no idea how to react to him showing up less than twenty four hours after he supposedly walked away. 

He places the food on your desk and turns to you, taking a deep breath before he begins to talk.

“Y/N Stark, you are the single most frustrating person I’ve ever met.” 

You try not to look like you’ve just been slapped. What the hell? Did he really come back, dressed up all prettily with pizza from your favourite restaurant, just to insult you? Was this the man you were in love with? He sees that you’re offended by his remark and is quick to explain.

“I didn’t mean you were annoying! I meant that I have never met someone who has affected me as much as you do without being able to do something about it.” 

He paces as he speaks. The way he’s acting suggests he’s nervous which in turn makes you anxious, despite not really being sure what is going on. 

“When I first met you I was scared you were too trusting and that would get you hurt, but as I got to know you I realised that you weren’t naive, but just had the ability to see the best in people. Then you broke the fingers of that guy who jumped you in Los Angeles and I saw just how well you could protect yourself. And that was when I became aware of how much you mean to me.”

He stops when he’s directly in front of you, running a hand through his hair as he thinks.

“I had a whole speech planned out but now I’m here I’ve forgotten all of it.” He looks you up and down and takes a step towards you. “You’re very distracting in this pretty robe.”

“You bought it for me.” 

He had, for your birthday last year after your old one had been ruined during an altercation with a rogue Hydra agent, but that wasn’t relevant right now.  What exactly is he trying to tell you?

Bucky’s carrying on. “That’s why I like it so much.” 

He steps forward again so there’s only a couple of centimetres between the two of you and when you glance away he waits for you to meet his gaze again before continuing. 

“What I’m trying to say is I couldn’t do my job properly if I was always compromised by how in love with you I am, so I had to step away before it got you hurt.”

It feels like time has frozen. You have to fight to regulate your breaths, and before you can fully process it he’s talking again, gesturing to the desk.

“That’s what the pizza is for. I’ve watched over you on so many awful dates and it was torture. Let me take you on one you’ll actually enjoy.”

You can’t believe what he’s asking and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. “I’m not really dressed appropriately.”

“We don’t have to leave the building, just up to the roof? Please?” 

When you don’t answer him he looks incredibly disappointed and you can’t stand to see him like that. Reaching out for him with your free hand, you pull him in closer, and try to compose yourself.

“That sounds perfect.”

Half a second later the smile on Bucky’s face is beautiful, and the whispered 'thank you’ he chokes out when he hugs you is the most heartfelt thing you’ve ever heard. 

Far too soon he lets go of you to lead you out of your room to the elevator, pizza nearly forgotten in his rush to start what is hopefully the first of many dates. Once you’ve retrieved the food and are finally in the lift he turns to you.

“I was thinking we could have lunch together from now on.” The hand that slips under your robe is warm through your top.

You frown. “What do you mean? Where are you going to work that we’d be able to do that?”

“A floor below you.” He watches you carefully, seeing how you react to the news.

“You’re going to be the new technician for my dad?”

He nods and you throw yourself at him, hugging him with all your strength, relieved that he isn’t going anywhere too far.

“I always knew you were a massive science nerd.” He shrugs, blushing slightly when you look back up at him and brush a piece of his hair away to see him better. “I really thought I was losing you.”

“Believe me Y/N, I never want to let you go.”

This man is going to be the death of you if he continues being so sweet and you decide you need to confess something to even it up a bit.

“You know, the reason why none of those guys I went on a date with got much past first base was because I kept comparing them to you.” 

Bucky looks surprised at your admission, then a slow smile spreads over his face and you can’t help but grin back too.

“Let’s hope I live up to it in reality then.”

You lean forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips, pleased when he tries to chase your mouth as you pull back. 

“I already know you will.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #buckybabybaby

[momsongblog]

Part Two: How to release your angry mama button

One evening as I was shopping by myself in Target, I overheard and saw a mom with two littles, a boy and a girl, both probably under the age of four.

The girl, the younger, wailed. The mom pleaded with her: "Why are you crying? What do you want?!"

Then later, to both children she shouted: "No, stop doing that. Put both hands on the cart. No. Both hands. No, okay then we're not buying the pajamas!" as the mom flung the clothes on the ground.

The boy in the cart sat frozen, blankly staring. The girl started to cry again and reached her hands out to mom.

"No, I'm not picking up you. Sit down," she commanded with crossed arms.

As I walked into the next aisle, I started to cry.

I cried for the nonreactive little boy, cold and afraid. I cried for the conflicted little girl, longing for connection. I cried for the exacerbated mom, frazzled and alone. I cried for myself because I have been there.

I have been that little boy. I have been that little girl. And now some days I am that mom.

I grew up in an angry household.  No, my parents were not always angry, but for a portion of my childhood, it felt like they were.  My mom’s anger was like a bubbling cauldron over a fire, sometimes simmering, but always hot and ready to pop.  My dad’s anger was like a gunned sports car at a traffic light, zero to sixty in three seconds, but only when pushed. Consequently, I remember my childhood home as tense, loud, uneasy.

Neither of my parents meant to live in anger—one struggled with Borderline; the other with Alcoholism—so when I became a parent, I wanted to be more mindful of my anger.

The problem is that the more I fought against the anger, the more it won.  I would tell myself, I’m not going to get angry today or douse it with gratitude, What do I have to be angry about? I have a beautiful home, a loving family, and a comfortable life.  But still, I would explode at my almost two-year-old son—yelling, spewing four-letter words, acting hastily and harshly—sometimes several times a day.  A situation would set me off, and the angry mama took over.  I felt powerless to stop the demon inside.

Sometimes I shamed my son for triggering me: “If you’d only just listen!” and “Why do you do that?!”

Worst of all, I hated seeing my baby boy’s reactions: panic, pleading, or paralysis.  I condemned myself as a horrible mother and person. I couldn’t bear the thought of my anger hurting him since I was once him—on the receiving end. I thought, my son would be better off without me.  I don’t deserve to live.

Exploding.  Stuffing.  Ignoring.  Projecting. Self-Shaming.  Despair.

It was a horrible cycle.

I had been in psychotherapy on and off for years which did help to diffuse my anger temporarily, but that was before my son was born.  Starting with my son’s arrival I felt almost continuously on edge like my anger button was permanently turned on.  

“I think you have post-partum depression,” a good friend suggested after I confessed the alternating feelings of raging fire and engulfing water inside me.

That label didn’t feel right.

For the first year of my son’s life, I read parenting books and articles trying to collect the strategies that would help me respond to my son in constructive ways.  Finally, I found a blog article describing childhood trauma triggered as a form of PTSD.  Becoming a parent evidently brings back all those subconscious memories and feelings from childhood, so children literally do activate their parents’ anger buttons (albeit inadvertently for the first few years). Further, a person does not have to survive childhood trauma for this psychological mechanism to occur; many people are unhappy with aspects of how they were raised, and that frustration can be triggered just as readily in the form of anger (instead of PTSD).

However, since my childhood felt traumatic, I found a PTSD specialist who has helped me address the root of my anger.  Using the emotional tools she gave me, I created a three-step technique at home that has helped me tackle the anger triggers individually.  Whether your childhood had a few rough patches or was mostly rough, I would like to share this with you.  Each time I have used the technique on a particular trigger, that anger button has been released.  The tiny two-year-old cannot push it anymore.

First, I picked out a special journal and bought a box of my favorite pens to make this action feel purposeful, intentional.  I also asked my husband not to read this journal because its purpose is for me to process, not to inform.  Writing this way also requires utmost privacy so that all emotional guards can be dismantled.

Then each time I got mad, I went to write in my journal.  Sometimes my son would only be self-entertained for a moment, so that’s all the time I had to write.  I would finish during nap time or during free moment spurts throughout the day.  Sometimes I had to finish despite my son’s pleas for attention, so I could get the “angeries” out entirely before engaging with him.

Here’s my three-step journal writing sequence:

1.       Venting

Everything I’m thinking and feeling, I let it out by writing: the expletives, the accusations, the name-calling, the negative emotions, all the things you don’t mean to say when you’re angry but you sometimes do—and then regret it.  I stop myself from feeling bad about feeling bad. This stuff needs to be acknowledged—just not said out loud.

2.       Validation

Next, if I can recall how this trigger is connected to my childhood, I emotionally go back in time and tell myself as a child what I needed to hear: I write to my younger self that it’s okay to feel ________ about ________.  I acknowledge every feeling and reason behind it.  I verbally give my younger self a hug and permission to cry.  I don’t judge or punish my younger self.  I give my younger self space and support, compassion and kindness.

3.       Verity

Lastly, using a bird’s eye, neutral view, I speak the truth: what is objectively happening here?  I see my son as misbehaving, being obstinate, willfully disobeying.  But at two years old, he is still impulsive, gaining independence, unable to emotionally regulate.  Then I try to put myself in his toddler shoes: why might he have reacted that way?  Is he hungry, tired, frustrated, or needing reconnection?  Is he in the middle of an intellectual leap? Reading about early childhood development is helpful when trying to empathize with a little person. My education is in adolescent development and I’m an only child, so this information is entirely new to me.  Some books I’ve found invaluable are:

·         Little Hearts Series by L.R. Knost

·         Positive Parenting books by Rebecca Eanes

·         Any parenting book by Daniel J. Siegel

·         Positive Discipline books by Jane Nelsen

It’s normal for our kids to push our buttons and arouse our anger.  Often these feelings of frustration and powerlessness stem from our own childhood whether we struggled with a few aspects or with most of our young life.  It seems ironic that optimism and gratitude do not extinguish the angry flame; instead acknowledgment and self-love are the fastest routes to inner peace.  It takes courage, and it takes effort; however, the three-step journaling process has been my shortcut to being a more balanced, happier mommy.  If you struggle with anger more than you’d like, I invite you to grab a journal and start writing!

#anger #parenting #momanger #journaling #childhood #childhood trauma #ptsd recovery #ptsd #ptsdsurvivor

[calorieworkouts]

Healthy Weight Loss Options for Teens

I'm a long means from my teenager years, however I can still bear in mind things I made use of to assume when I searched in the mirror: "I’m too fat," "I'm too tall," and "why is my butt so big?" I invested one hours cataloging my problems as well as, if I missed out on any type of, my older sis was kind adequate in order to help me out.

What I keep in mind most is wishing to suit. And also from speaking with several of my teen customers and reading a few of the remarks from various other teens on this site, that hasn't altered a lot since I was in school.

What also hasn't altered is the idea that weight and appearance play a part in being approved. Just what do you do if you don't have the 'perfect' body? What do you do if you're obese, undernourished, or merely desire to remove a little excess fat? Is it possible to change your body?

Things that Affect Your Weight

You can transform your body, yet exactly how much depends upon a number of things-- some you could manage as well as some you can't:

Puberty Though you may not understand it, puberty can have a significant affect on your weight and also the form of your body. Both ladies and kids could anticipate to put on weight along with height throughout adolescence. Hormones launched throughout this moment typically trigger children to gain muscular tissue and ladies to experience an increase in body fat. These adjustments are normal but could make you seem like you're overweight, even if you're not. What's the Right Weight for My Height?

Genes One inquiry I hear a great deal is, "Why don't I look like my friends?" One factor is your genetics. You inherit a variety of points from your parents such as where you save excess fat on your body, just how high you are, as well as the shape of your body (such as being pear-shaped or apple-shaped). In truth, if your moms and dads are obese, that boosts the threat that you'll be overweight as well.

What you eat While the age of puberty and genetics are points you can't control, what you consume is an additional story. Eating french fries, junk food, soft drinks, chips, and sugary foods on a routine basis and preventing vegetables and fruits like the pester could include excess calories without much nutrition. Childhood Obesity Basics

Exercise One factor weight could be such a trouble for everybody from teens to grownups is all the relaxing we're doing. Inactivity has a significant affect on your midsection and your wellness. Seeing TV is the most typical task that could lead to weight gain (if you don't workout or eat right) and also is something teenagers usually do more as well as a lot more as they obtain older. Predictors of Obesity

Do You Truly Need to Lose Weight?

This may seem like a piece of cake, but not everyone needs to lose weight. Also usually, teens concentrate on getting their weight down to undesirable degrees so as to get that 'ideal' body-- something that can lead to yo-yo diet programs and even eating disorders.

It's easy to have a distorted sight of what your body must resemble, particularly if your designs have the tendency to be, well, designs, celebrities, or other people who are commonly understood more for just how they look compared to just what they do. So it's vital to understand just what a healthy weight range is and, even a lot more essential, that your range weight doesn't constantly inform the whole tale. A scale considers everything-- your bones, fat, muscle mass, inner body organs, what you ate or consumed earlier ... everything. It doesn't accurately tell you what you've got or lost, so using a scale as your only approach of tracking progression isn't always the best idea.

Before you decide to go on a diet plan or effective weight loss program, spend some time to find out if you're actually obese or if you have an altered body image.

Make use of the following sources to find out exactly what a healthy and balanced weight really is:

Teen Quiz – Am I Fat?

What is a Healthy Body?

BMI Calculator

Body Image and Self Esteem

You needs to likewise speak to your parents as well as your medical professional regarding any weight issues you may have as well as about whether reducing weight is something you should be concerned about.

Next Page: How to Lose Weight

The most constant inquiry I receive from teens (and also from everybody, truly) is ways to shed fat over particular locations. We all store excess fat in specific areas and also it constantly seems to be in much less than desirable locations, like the:

Hips

Butt

Thighs

Belly

Waist

Upper back

Chest

So, is it possible to shed fat from these locations as well as, if so, which exercises work the ideal? The fact is that place decrease won't work.

That suggests that doing hundreds of crises to obtain level abs or leg lifts and also bows to get thin thighs will not function. So, if that does not function then what does?

To shed fat, you need to burn more calories than you eat and then allow your body, and your genetics, to determine where the fat comes off. One of the most efficient way to do this is with diet regimen as well as exercise.

Exercise

One method to regulate your calories is to relocate about a lot more by including both structured exercise as well as basic task throughout the day. The guidelines produced by the American College of Sports Medication (ACSM) suggest a minimum of a hr of exercise a day as well as much as a number of hours a day for many kids as well as teenagers. Tasks can include things like:

Riding a bike

Skateboarding or inline skating

Swimming

Dancing

Walking or running

Sports

Shooting hoops

You'll burn more calories anytime you can escape the TELEVISION or computer system and also relocate your body, which will assist with weight loss.

The key is to:

Choose things you like. If you're not right into group sports or outside tasks, try exercise videos or physical fitness computer game, like Dance Dancing Change.

Make it a regular habit. Try setting aside time each day for exercise so it comes to be a natural component of your program.

Look for ways to move more. Make added laps around the shopping mall, walk to your friend's home, or activate the radio as well as hem and haw your bed room. Finding means to relocate more will certainly amount to shedding calories as well as being healthy.

Get some help. If you want to exercise however don't understand where to start, chat to your moms and dads to find out if you could join a fitness center, collaborate with a trainer, or workout with them on a daily basis.

Learn much more regarding Teenagers and Exercise for specifics on workout and strength training.

Watch Your Calories

Aside from being much more energetic, watching what you eat is another important component of slimming down. You might locate it valuable to enlist the assistance of your family members as well as close friends. If your parents are in cost of getting the food, you may require to talk with them concerning making healthier selections or get involved with picking groceries as well as making food yourself. Various other methods to cut unnecessary calories include:

Watching your drinks Too several sodas, juices as well as sporting activities beverages can really accumulate. Replace them with water as well as you'll save plenty of calories.

Filling up on fruits as well as veggies A lot of fruits and also veggies are high in fiber as well as nutrients while reduced in calories. That implies you'll load up faster and eat much less. Try having fruit as treats or before dishes to reduce calories without feeling hungry.

Avoiding fast food There's nothing incorrect with having a periodic burger and fries, but avoid having those kinds of foods everyday. Make them a treat that you just have every so often.

Avoiding mindless snacking If you obtain hungry in the mid-day, maintain your treats healthy and balanced by avoiding candy, cookies, as well as other alluring sweets. Additionally, focus on other reasons you could consume, like being bored, tired, or sensation blue. Emotional consuming just makes points worse as well as doesn't make your problems go away.

Eating regularly throughout the day is additionally vital for keeping your metabolic process going and your body sustained for all you desire to accomplish.

Next page: Exactly how NOT to Lose Weight

One of the biggest mistakes numerous of us make is attempting to find shortcuts or quick fixes to slim down quick. These type of faster ways could promptly backfire, and some can also be dangerous to your health. A few of the most common consist of:

Skipping meals Everyone obtain need to miss meals, especially if we have actually consumed way too much early in the day. However missing meals could backfire. You may consume even more calories at your following dish and also, due to the fact that you're so hungry, you'll be much more likely to eat scrap food (when you get that starving, a salad merely won't do the job).

As Shereen Jegtvig, About.com's direct to nutrition, notes in her article regarding missing meals, " ... if you on a regular basis consume also couple of calories, your body will burn less calories too."

Fad diets It can be appealing to adhere to fluid, low-calorie, or other severe diet plans that toss out whole food groups in order for you to reduce weight fast. Once again, these kinds of diet regimens frequently aren't healthy and balanced as well as might end up sabotaging your efforts to lose weight. When you don't take in enough calories, your body in fact holds into fat in order to fuel itself. Plus, much of the weight you lose at first is water-- not fat. In addition to that, you may not be obtaining all the nutrients your body should expand in a healthy and balanced means, especially in your teen years.

Diet pills It's likewise alluring to take diet regimen pills in order to lose weight quick, however a lot of them aren't regulated which means there's no guarantee of the top quality or safety and security of just what you're taking.

A number of these pills have awful adverse effects, and a great deal of them don't even work. There's no pill available that will assist you drop weight completely, securely, as well as efficiently, and also anything you take ought to be suggested and/or taken care of by your doctor.

Fat burning supplements These supplements are usually promoted as "natural" ways to melt more fat, but that doesn't mean they're safe.

The reality is that, like numerous diet regimen pills, they aren't regulated, might not function, could disrupt other drug, and might even be harmful to your health. Prevent anything not suggested or suggested by your doctor.

Excessive exercise Exercise can be a healthy way to manage weight, yet as well a lot could trigger problems both physically and psychologically. Some individuals also exercise so fanatically that it's considered a kind of eating disorder. A well balanced workout program indicates getting some activity in every day as well as having a range of exercises in your target heart rate area. Exercising for one hours a day at high strengths can be equally as bad as not working out at all.

Remember: There are No Shortcuts

Though you may wish to drop weight fast for the summer, the initial day of institution, or that coastline getaway, there are no faster ways. Healthy weight reduction is a steady procedure. Though a quick fix could momentarily assist you drop weight, it will just return as soon as you get back to your regular routine.

For a lot more, the next page addresses some FAQs concerning teenagers as well as weight loss.

Next Page: FAQs about Teenagers and Weight Loss

How fast will I lose weight?

Healthy as well as long-term weight loss is a progressive and unforeseeable procedure, so it's impossible to spoken just how much weight a person will certainly shed or just how swiftly she or he will certainly lose it. The lower line is that we're all various and also we all slim down at various rates based upon:

age

gender

weight

genes

diet

level of activity

lifestyle

And bear in mind, if you start working out as well as consuming right, the scale won't always mirror the modifications your body is making.

It's feasible to acquire muscle as well as lose fat, which won't program on the range also if it displays in exactly how your clothing fit. Find out more: The best ways to Shed Weight

How do I acquire weight or muscle?

While a bunch of individuals intend to lose weight, some teens feel they're also slim as well as intend to put on weight or muscle. Everybody establishes differently as well as numerous teenagers discover that, over time, they begin to fill out and also get even more weight naturally. Actually, numerous experts don't advise that teenagers attempt gaining weight by eating lots of calories-- that could bring about obtaining even more body fat, which isn't healthy and balanced. Find out much more: Healthy Weight Gain for Teens

Some teens wonder ways to bulk up, which is one more objective that's even hard for grownups to get to. Many researches have actually revealed that youngsters that do resistance training might acquire strength, however not muscle mass mass, according to the ACSM's Guidelines for Exercise Testing as well as Prescription. In various other words, several children as well as teens will discover it hard to get great deals of muscle mass mass.

That doesn't suggest stamina training is a bad concept-- under supervised conditions (with a trainer or specialist), kids could get solid and in shape with the ideal sort of routine. Yet making drastic adjustments in muscular tissue mass at that age (or any kind of age) is something most won't attain. Learn much more: Need to I Gain Weight?

How can I get six-pack abs?

Unfortunately, obtaining level abdominal muscles is something not everyone can accomplish. Getting flat or washboard abdominal muscle comes from being lean and having genes that operate in your favor by maintaining fat from being stored around the belly. A number of us save excess fat around the abdominals, and it's feasible to lose some of it with a healthy diet plan as well as workout. Also with that, several of us would certainly have to drop our body fat to unhealthy levels to obtain six-pack abs. Discover more: Just how do I get six-pack or ripped abdominal muscles?.

Whatever your goal is, it's crucial to be realistic about the changes you can make to your body. We're all products of our genetics as well as our way of livings. We can change just how we live, but we can't alter the fundamental make-up of our bodies. By focusing on changing exactly what you could and also permitting your body to react to that, you can produce healthy practices that will relocate with you into the future.

More Exercise and Weight-loss FAQs

#exercise #fitness #fitness center #get fit #health #weight #wellness #workout #workout program

[mydashlife]

Passing Out

Something unusual seems to happen whenever I begin to study a topic or am immersed in deep thought.

I keep thinking that I am fatiguing or perhaps crashing after caffeine intake, but I’m not so sure anymore.

I forgot that this same occurrence would happen when I would try to read my other Holistic books as well, but it never tends to happen when I’m watching TV or reading a fictional type of book.

It’s like I will be deep in thought, and then all of a sudden it’s like I kind of pass out. The odd thing is that I am usually not tired. I will pass out for maybe half a second but I immediately realize it’s happening and I rise awake. 

It is a difficult sensation to describe.

Let’s say, for instance, I am reading some course material and all of a sudden my mind will just start talking, like back of the mind talking, and then I pass out and immediately wake up. Or I will pass out to the sound of the voice in my head talking about something important or realizing something important.

On many of these instances, the second that I pass out, I feel my heartbeat flutter and pound heavily, then it stops as soon as I open my eyes again a second later.

Sometimes it’s like I hear a crowd in my head, and when my head has a lot of commotion going on in it, I pass out and wake up again. But it is always for half a second, no more than 1 full second.

Generally, I am not tired when this occurs. I can be wide awake & alert, but all of a sudden my head dips and I pass out.

Googled it & it’s called a syncope, mild seizure.

At one point I thought it was narcolepsy, but I feel narcolepsy would have more to do with excitement, unless it can also include excitement of the brain.. I’ll have to look into that too I guess. But I feel it is unlikely.

Syncope: Medical Definition 

It meant to temporarily lose consciousness & sense of oneself. Syncope is due to a temporary reduction in blood flow and therefore a shortage of oxygen to the brain. This leads to lightheadedness or a "black out" episode, a loss of consciousness. Temporary impairment of the blood supply to the brain can be caused by heart conditions and by conditions that do not directly involve the heart:

I think it could be related to my heart conditions. On a few occasions, I have felt my heart palpitating or thumping upon regaining consciousness, as if it had temporarily slowed down and was trying to catch back up. Perhaps I become so still & calm while I study that my heart starts to slow down and slows the blood to my brain, and because my brain is very active at that moment and is requiring more blood than if I were doing nothing, then perhaps that could be the cause of the fainting spells.

Brain utilizing more blood than heart is giving because body is calmed down.

“ The weirdest thing just happened to me and i don't know what to do because no one believes me. I was just sat on my bed playing my guitar when, for liteally a split second, i felt like i was falling backwads or my body/brain did some sort of jerk and my head went all funny. I got up immediately and ran to my parents in tears but they told me it was nothing. It felt so weird and i'm worried that it was a seizure or a brain tumor or something but i've never head of seizures being so quick and usually you aren't aware of them? that's my understanding anyway. I don't know what to do. I've had head pains on and off for the past week and i've currently got a heart arrythmia - waiting for my echocardigram appointment to come through. Been to A&E twice last week and both times they've sent me home after doing all the tests. Now I'm panicking that the two are related and like i said no one believes me and i don't know what to do I had an Mri a year ago which was all normal but surely a tumor can grow between now and then This stress is really going to kill me “ Sounds similar to my scenario

I have also been experiencing more headaches than usual..

“ I get this all the time too, I have done for years. And it gets worse when stress and anxiety levels are high for me, really unbearably so most of the time :( This all brings on migraines, insomnia and these kinds of weird jerky things.”

Literally just happened again while I was reading, suddenly I was not there, then I felt my heart thump as I came back to consciousness.

Also it says narcolepsy is a form of syncope.. so I could be correct..

NARCOLEPSY Narcolepsy is a sleep disorder characterized by excessive sleepiness, sleep paralysis, hallucinations, and in some cases episodes of cataplexy (partial or total loss of muscle control, often triggered by a strong emotion such as laughter). Narcolepsy occurs equally in men and women and is thought to affect roughly 1 in 2,000 people. The symptoms appear in childhood or adolescence, but many people have symptoms of narcolepsy for years before getting a proper diagnosis. People with narcolepsy feel very sleepy during the day and may involuntarily fall asleep during normal activities. In narcolepsy, the normal boundary between awake and asleep is blurred, so characteristics of sleeping can occur while a person is awake. For example, cataplexy is the muscle paralysis of REM sleep occurring during waking hours. It causes sudden loss of muscle tone that leads to a slack jaw, or weakness of the arms, legs, or trunk. People with narcolepsy can also experience dream-like hallucinations and paralysis as they are falling asleep or waking up, as well as disrupted nighttime sleep and vivid nightmares.

Okay, wow...

I will be doing more research on Narcolepsy now..

Cataplexy is a sudden and uncontrollable muscle weakness or paralysis that comes on during the day and is often triggered by a strong emotion, such as excitement or laughter. Without much warning, the person loses muscle tone and can have a slack jaw, broken speech, buckled knees or total weakness in their face, arms, legs, and trunk. A person experiencing total cataplexy stays awake and is aware of what is happening, but cannot move. These episodes last up to a minute or two, and some people may fall asleep afterwards. The frequency of cataplexy episodes varies widely among people with narcolepsy. Some individuals avoid emotions that may bring on cataplexy.

The loss of muscle tone in cataplexy occurs because of the inability to regulate sleep and awake states -- meaning that elements of each can overlap. During normal rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, there is a natural loss of muscle tone. In the case of cataplexy, that characteristic of REM sleep occurs suddenly during the day, causing weakness or full paralysis, even as the person remains awake during the episode.  

It’s like my mind is so busy thinking, that the rest of my body isn’t needing anymore & gets put to sleep.