#I am still in a whole pain

[aru-art]

#csm #chainsaw man #power csm #power hayakawa #aki hayakawa #denji csm #denji hayakawa #hayakawa family #if u tag this as ship i will gut u like a fish fillet #my art #2024 #alt caption was gonna be something about a touch that doesnt hurt cause i cant imagine denji's used to physical contact that isnt #a) taking advantage of him or b) painful and violent #anyway. #happy 2024! i am still miserable over this manga a whole entire year later :D #hayakawa trio

[arrowsperpetualcringe]

It's okay, they can forgive eachother.

#idk #i just.... I'm thinking about them.... and about how both their scenario's relate to love #and in particular their s/o's ending their lives because of them #that's such a specific pain for both of them to share #makes me want father daughter duo content of them ok haha #i feel like Kazui thinks it's too late for him but could still give Mahiru relationship advice to distract her from her pain #but ig this whole thing is kinda silly--- idk i'm sleepy it's 4 am #milgram #milgram project #mahiru shiina #kazui mukuhara #milgram kazui #milgram mahiru #milgram 006 #milgram 007 #my art #sketch

[n0bluev]

+

(eyes only 4 u)

EDIT: HI IM IRRATIONALLY ANGRY AT THIS DRAWING HAVE SOME COLOUR BLORBSIFICATIONS

#crunchy ah (slightly edited for my sanity) screenshot i took from the procreate timelapse #its so different to the 'final product [linked in “+”]' cuz i kinda ended up scratching the whole thing and sketching on top at the end lol #the process of drawing this was PAINFUL (was fighting for dear life against art block at the time) #but while checking the (painful. awful.) timelapse i kinda went 'hm. the eye kinda popped right tho...' #so i took that and went beep boop to fix it just a bit and im posting this too enjoy #呪術廻戦 #五条悟 #gojo satoru #jjk #jjk fanart #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fanart #satosugu #gojo fanart #gojo satoru fanart #gojo #stsg #and yeah. i was messing with artstyles (and failing and crying-) and still am so... uh hope u like the art and that you can see details tha #make my art mine even when i cant rly see or appreciate it myself lol #that being said art is bound to improve and evolve with time and life so im not too worried ^^ (artblock still sucks tho hah) #+ the glasses are crooked / in a wrong angle and I KNEW THIS WHILE DRAWING BUT WAS TOO DARN LAZY + ratio (YEAH! RATIO!!)

[squeakadeeks]

moodboard for this past week ❤️

#they should invent a grad school thats not fucking insane #i'm hanging in there but im the most unwell i've been in AWhile #this week was just horrible #there was already the freezer food incident but it also started off with a very severe pain episode thats putting me in constant woe #even mundane motion has been agonizing which is McAwesome bc we had a lab inspection which involved moving hundreds of pounds of equipment #during which we found a blackwidow and rats which we had to deal with and was a whole thing psychologically on top of the physical toll #the new class fiasco is still popping off and i had to respond to at this point over 400 emails in the fleeting moments outside of lab #AND A STUDENT TRIED TO FINANCIALLY BRIBE THEIR WAY INTO THE CLASS ? ?? ?? ????? #then the instructor wanted to use me as a guinea pig and i had to test new circuit boards but I wasnt given any time to do so properly #i had to test them plus get them operational and deal with my incoming students all in a frantic 10 minute window #im in charge of running our meetings too but the instructor was interrupting and having side conversations that made it really hard- #to train the other people on the new equipment in a smooth manner #which meant that a bunch of people had to keep me after to ask questions which made me late for my drs appointment #where i found out i cant get the new covid vaccine bc my heart and blood levels arnt stable enough #and joanns lost an expensive+critical fabric order of mine+i had to give a big presentation this week on my research that was stressful #and my inbox is still blowing up from being needed all over the place between teaching lab and classes and yall i am. so so tired. #im in so much pain and so stressed out #debating the ethics of turning into a pile of lint to escape my responsibilities and mortal frame

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

yk, its weird being Way Too Aware & In Control of yourself bc technically i believe im having a panic attack. but somehow i am Very Unbothered by this, bc i know whats happening and its illogical. my body's having an overreaction and i couldn't be fucked to join in

#im sitting here casually looking up symptoms to make sure this is a Panic attack and not a Heart attack #got those heart palpies got that chest pain got that sense of Derealization got that shortness of breath #i even feel a lil faint! ive even got a hot flash goin on! tightness in the throat! the whole enchilada #and yet! im somehow vibing... #my body's throwing a fit smh calm down bro its not that bad... #maybe you'll calm down if i drink some water and eat some fruit <3 #shoulda known this was coming... was lying awake at 4 am with really bad palpatations s. m. h. #honestly! this is very annoying! #my vision tried to tunnel exactly Once but i fought it off. idiot meatsuit.... #breathing exercises and internal mantras babeyyyyyy i got this shit on Lock #oh! and look at that! my heart is finally chilling out #still gonna eat water and drink fruit #yall should do that too. at least the water part #go drink water! go! shoo! #hydrate or diedrate! always pick hydrate! #absolutely unprompted #alright well that was fun. only lasted for about *checks nonexistent watch* over an hour #i dont think ive had one that bad before! it really tried to Get Me! #had to fight off the deep sense of dread and rising panic with a mental broom!! #finishing my rebels rewatch helped but still. damn. these demons have hands #my brain: OH WE'RE DYING WE'RE DYING ITS A HEART ATTACK WE'RE GONNA DIE AND ROT FOR DAYS BEFORE OUR BODY IS FOUND OH GOD ITS HAPPENING #hard cut to me vibing with a martini.... wii music on blast... hawaiian shirt On and Unbuttoned... #anyway. drink some water. get some fruit. Thrive!

[samijey]

jey uso is now officially the most tragic character in wwe history - sold his soul to the devil to keep the most important person in his life safe, only to get backstabbed by him in the end - sacrificed his happiness and pride over and over again for the sake of protecting his family, just to see them get corrupted one by one by the power, paranoia and jealousy that comes from being involved with the closest thing wwe continuity has to a king.

the persona of "the Tribal Chief" must die in the end, and Jey should, now more than ever, still very much be the one to make that happen by taking on the role himself only to destroy it and release his family from its influence once and for all.

#jey uso #jey uso you're the star of the show #the protagonist of this whole shitshow #i would say i hate it but i am too in love with the potential for pain. even if i just end up writing it myself lmfao #this tale will STILL end by jey's hand and in this essay I will---

[b4kuch1n]

I lied I think it’s fun to draw animals sometimes

#sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #knuckles the echidna #amy rose #team sonic #hey. still dont expect more sonic stuff okay. this is an exception #(I say as I immensely enjoy scribbling these animals) #man. Im mad how good these designs are tbh theyre so (clenches fists) theyre so! scribbleable! #hate that! dont like that dont like how much fun it is to draw them! #also I made amy spiky bc I want to and I can. and also shes a hedgehog #gods. thinking abt it sonic designs cater to me to such a disgusting level... the cartoon gloves... the big shapes.... the varied footwears #it's like psychonauts raz was so fuckign fun to draw. but here it's the whole cast #it's fucked up! it's entrapment!! I didn't consent to this!!! #next time they give any of the characters a big coat I'm sending sega a strongly worded letter. they cant do that to me #well. here it is anyway. genuinely these all took like an hour each I drew them as breaks inbetween work #(an hour for me is equivalent to other artists' fifteen minutes btw. I'm not fast at all I just don't know when to stop) #well. that done. back to work now #I am actually so excited abt the current one lol its just also gonna be a pain in the ass to coordinate #but I really wanna do well with it. go crazy go stupid baku!! #have a good night! a good pair of boots is worth the money but only if you can tie the strings together & wear it on ur neck in emergencies

[thebirdandhersong]

you guys won't believe this but y'all what a miracle..... God's grace always seems to come in floods when you least expect it. The boy problem is now resolved and at rest (well. somewhat.)

I somehow got around to talking to him yesterday about the disastrous conversation (the one where he went on at length about my age) and, God bless him, it was all ignorance rather than malice. He listened for a while, his face becoming more and more drawn and appalled as I explained how X thing came off, and at one point he just put his head on the table and was very, very upset because he hadn't thought about it from my perspective and hadn't realised the effects of his words. It was a surprisingly comfortable conversation (it is always easy to talk to him), and it was a relief to hear from his lips that he hadn't meant any of it in a hurtful way - he hadn't thought about how his words might sound at all.

#it was very sweet really and i am very glad that we are still friends. even better friends even because of this #he felt so badly that he actually wrote a long message apologizing again afterwards #anyway God bless him this is all very new to him! #and he's very conscientious and kind and thoughtful and i am glad that i was wrong about him meaning those things that way #it was a very sincere and honest conversation and i was grateful for it #God's grace abounds y'all a huge weight has been lifted off me and i am so so glad for it!!! #thank you for praying for me so much and for walking alongside me these past three months #it has not been agony the whole time! as i told him it was surprisingly joyful to fall in love with him. and i would go through it again #and i am glad that the end of this was not a careening dreadful painful agonizing end. praise God for that!!!! #the waiting room chapter

[piratespencil]

Fascinated by Taliesin very specifically pointing out that until the latest ep, Ashton has barely physically touched anyone in Bell's Hells.

The fact that he specified that it's because touch hurts, but also brought this up while talking about Ashton starting to become more comfortable with BH and being more willing to talk to them about things... Also thinking about the fact that it was Orym, specifically, who reached out to touch them twice this past ep... Is Ashton happy about that? Or not?

Idk it was just really interesting to me that Taliesin brought that up as something that Ashton is very aware of.

#also specifying that beating the living fuck out of things helps ashton ignore the pain #and that their weird brain shit helps lessen it?? #also taliesin just straight up saying 'that's why they're a dick' when talking about ashton being in pain all the time #man i am still thinking about last night's 4sd #ashton is def the character i am most interested in learning more about #(chetney is probably a close second we know almost NOTHING about that guy) #taliesin said a couple times that there are some conversations that ashton wants to have in the next couple eps and i am SO CURIOUS #critical role #cr3 #4 sided dive #c3e38 #kk talks about stuff #ashton greymoore #this whole conversation was around 1hr 15min in the twitch vod btw #kk watches cr3

[kemendin]

So I essentially keep to my own little sandbox when it comes to SWTOR, my own characters and stories. BUT, sometimes @certified-anakinfucker's Darrash comes over to play with Khel and Quinn. Thoughts happened, talks happened, sobs happened, and while the background circumstances are my fault, this scene is very much to be blamed on Cheeri!

Anyway, no polish here, just feels and word vomit. CW for mention of character death.

Darrash Nealev. The name dredges something out of the tangled mess that’s been steadily replacing Quinn’s once-orderly brain over the last few days. Muddied memories of a small, slouched figure, a cocky grin made wider by scars that split across warm brown cheeks. Green eyes flicking around, a gaze both distracting and distracted. Never keeping still, constant jittering, fingers fiddling with the settings of a sniper rifle long enough that it must threaten to trip him up - No. Not Darrash. Cipher Nine. An agent. An assassin. The thought catches in Quinn’s roiling brain, latches on, digging, twisting, so that almost before the door has closed again behind his unexpected visitor, Malavai has already moved - ramming the other man bodily into the nearest wall, pinning him there, as the business end of his blaster pushes hard into the hollow place beneath Cipher Nine’s chin.

For once, there’s no easy roll of a neck or shoulder, no cocksure remark dropped casually from the space between flashing teeth. There’s almost no reaction at all, and for some reason Quinn finds this infuriating, and his blaster bites harder, forcing the agent’s head back - the only movement Nine has made, save for the barely perceptible trembling of his lithe body against the wall.

Their eyes meet, furious blue boring into now-muted green, and Quinn actually sees it, for the first time - true fear fluttering in the other man’s gaze. And hell, he should be afraid, because the stubble is thick on Quinn’s too-pale jaw and the hollows of his eyes are burning with unsummoned tears and his teeth are bared as though he’s only a moment away from tossing aside the blaster and using his jaws instead to rend the life from Nine’s throat.

But then words croak from that throat, thin and terrified:

“You - you think I did it.”

And in these last few moments, in the wild rampage of his grief, that’s exactly what Quinn has thought. Because who better than the infamous yet unknowable Cipher Nine to carry out such an act - to peer through the scope of a prototype sniper rifle and drive a Force-rending bolt into the unsuspecting back of the Empire’s Hand?

A tremor runs through his own hand as the memory grips him again; he shoves it aside by jamming the blaster even harder against the underside of Nine’s chin, till the man’s head is clamped in the vise formed by Quinn’s need for retribution and the unyielding wall behind him. He should say something, he needs to say something, but it’s lodged in his throat as though he’s the one trying to swallow and breathe beneath a blasterpoint. So instead it’s Nine who speaks again, soft, scared, not quite a plea, but an entreaty nonetheless:

“Quinn, please think about this. If I killed Khel, would I be standing here unarmed?”

Rationality, logic - these things have not been heeded or welcomed in Malavai’s broken brain. All semblance of reason has given way to the tidal wave of heartbreak, rushing in to fill the terrible hollow left behind by Khel’s death. 

But now they nudge gently at him, circling, coaxing him to stop, and breathe, and think. Quinn stares at the agent, sucking in harsh breaths that tinge his tongue with the mud he can smell hanging on the other man. He searches the Cipher’s still stiffened face for any hint of deception, of guilt, but there’s nothing, nothing but fear and a fragmented pain, and slowly, wretchedly, realisation finally takes hold.

It wasn’t him. It wasn’t Darrash.

And yet, even as he feels the fury draining from his limbs, Quinn remains there for another moment, the blaster still pressed tight to Darrash’s tilted chin, because if it wasn’t Darrash he doesn’t know who, and now he has no outlet for the anguish still building unbearably inside him.

But then the moment passes. Quinn withdraws the blaster, steps back, pivots away from the terrified agent; a second later he hurls his weapon into a corner of the room, letting out a sound more akin to a wounded nexu than a decorated officer of the Imperial military; and then he buries his face in his hands, as though skin and flesh and bone might somehow be strong enough to hold the magnitude of the grief once more retching from his mouth.

#kem writes #swtor:khel #kem oc #CHEERI LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME #and yes i am still hyperfixated on this whole premise and it’s becoming less hypothetical by the minute because apparently i enjoy pain #(what else is new)

[daz4i]

test results came out okay there's nothing wrong with me

#SO WHY THE FUCK AM I ALWAYS IN PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA KMS #and the test was such a pain too i still wanna throw up from all that shit #and it wasn't even. enough. like i had to drink a whole thing and couldn't with the time they gave me bc i wanted to throw up so bad #so they couldn't even get a clear image of the part i needed to see most. most likely. so maybe there IS a problem who knows!!!!!! #in short . i'm gonna kms #emeto // #suicide // #i guess. mentioned in the tags. jic. sorry #medical // #ask to tag

[dykedvonte]

If Ulysses has a million haters, then I'm one of them. If Ulysses has one hater, then I'm THAT ONE. If Ulysses has no haters, that means I'm dead. If the world is with Ulysses than I’m against the world.

#this is slightly joking but like also not but also like am mixed on Ulysses on many factors #infuriating because i sympathize with his pain but it’s like #he is a well written and fundamentally flawed character whose hypocrisy I found doubly in #black characters I can tell were designed by white people with a semblance of an understanding of activism and bipoc oppression #but not enough for the character to not feel like hand holding for the majority white audience #plus personal grips with the whole twisted hairs thing and reference to slave braiding patterns #Ulysses irks me as a black person on a weird personal level and I can go into debt on why him being black is a big detractor for him to me #like he continues this cycle of distancing himself from his roots before remembering over and over again through his actions #he leave so much in his wake that the courier ends up correcting or helping like in honest hearts and old world blues because he’s self #righteous in a subtle way even to himself that he believes he stand out of his one man rule when he does not play an active hand #saw a post talk about how you choose to continue moving through his story and can leave at any moment and this it is partially your fault #but what of the oath that is set before you and is forced to take that he set up #I do not have to walk it but when I do the steps are not my own but those taken for me #you have to go out of your way to change it which is not something he expects because he’s playing by a story he’s been perpetuating in his #head about you two and the effect one man has when he’s continually been that one man more so than you as many of his actions directly lead #to the one you go through also the irony in the flag he continues to bear being the real reason he has no home #like he reps it when the package is likely enclave and thus use the same symbol #also still can’t get over how anyone could have delivered the package and he tries so hard to act like it was the couriers destiny or fate #when this was the one case of chance and that once man was likely a enclave engineer and how it’s really is never one man #it the process and he’s so annoying about it like he’s a cool character but if you don’t believe in his philosophy or already went through #these ideas cause they are very common talking points in poc especially BIPOC spaces he’s just old hashings and stunted #fallout #fallout new vegas #Ulysses you upset me but I’m like I feel you could be better if you weren’t so incessant #I don’t think I ever want to make a serious post stating this about him just because I’d start yapping and it’d never get finished #ulysses fnv #fnv ulysses #lonesome road

[mintjeru]

endless suffering

open for better quality | no reposts

#xiao #genshin impact #genshin #fanart #myart #doodle #i saw this scene and my first thought was 'he's gorgeous' and then i had to snap myself out of it bc he's exhausted!! #in case my new followers do not know: i am simply incapable of sitting still when new xiao content drops #he is the love of my life i would do anything to ease his pain for the slightest amount even for a fraction of a second #i literally look forward to lantern rite every year bc of him #it's a whole thing #btw mhy when i said i wanted xiao in liyue harbor for lantern rite i did not mean Like This #i thought we were gonna go through the harbor together and see the shops and enjoy each other's company why would you do this to him #i also did a little analysis of the trailer but i am So Tired i'm gonna save it for later #and i forgot to do the 2x leyline event today smh ok i gotta go #enjoy <3

[dontgofarfromme]

Incredibly fucking insane how well the Wit fits as an allegory for queerness. Burrich's harsh rejection of Fitz and Swift for it, the simultaneous automatic learned reaction of disgust and the fear at learning he has a child who could face real danger because of it, the multitude of ways he misunderstands and refuses to understand the way the Wit functions in order to keep his views. His "I've tried many years to purge it from myself. Still, it lingers. But if it cannot be purged from a man, he can nevertheless be taught to refuse it. Just as a man must learn to refuse all other sorts of vices." The damage to his relationship with first Fitz because of his inability to accept thar Fitz not only has but continues to use the Wit. The way Fitz eventually embraces his Wit but is always careful, so so careful and so worried for people like Swift, who flaunt it. Web's "there are other types of neglect and deprivation. To deny what unfolds in someone...to say to a child 'you must not be what you are.' That is wrong." It's just!! All over the fucking place!!!

#realm of the elderlings #reason 72938372929 why its utterly incomprehensible that hobb intended to write fitz as a straight man #like excuse me ma'am #u cant queer code this mans entire life and then expect me to believe u when u say he could never be into dudes #also burrich is so clearly and painfully wrong here but i find him so interesting #he gives valmiki from valmikis daughter vibes when jt comes to this topic #a reference that is totally incomprehensible to 99% of people but which i am correct abt #also just the damage done to his and fitz relationship and how bitter things are after #the way they talk around the wit even once they mend their relationship in the first series because even if he loves fitz #he still still cannot accept it #that like quiet pain of not being rejected in whole but having someone who should love all of you but refuses to #IDK!!!!

[meownotgood]

chapter 1 + chapter 2... halfway to 60k

#a little over halfway really #I'd begun to worry about my progress but when I put it this way I feel pretty proud of myself #the crazy part... is that I'm still not even close to done.... ahahaha #okay. chapter one is pretty much done #I've edited all the major portions I wanted to change #just a small editing session and she'll be ready to post #as for the second chapter #I'm about a third of the way through with editing the smut #after the halfway point the word count will start exploding because there's a ridiculous amount of editing I have to do #what I have written so far for the second part is more of an outline than anything else #and then of course there's the whole ending portion #I think over 60k in total word count is 100% happening #70k next? haha... ahaha..... ha.......... #laughing through the pain #(I wake up from a deep coma after producing 70 thousand words of aki sex) where....... where... am I....... #let's reach the editing halfway point by the end of this week!! I can do it!!!!

[venomgaia]

i also have been testing pngtuber+ vs veadotubemini and heres rhe fruit of a 49 layer model

#not all the emotes are shown in this lil demo theres one i keep forgetting where it is lmao #return of the coke heartthrob #i like that i made a pngtuber despite the fact that i am extremelt averse to being percieved in video formats. i used to stream more #n would do drawing streams specifically while working on projects but. ive been outta the game so long im not. too sure how i feel about #like. going back #i also did yt for like. 2 videos during lockdown to try and chronicle that whole art school mess and ended up exploding #this boy is not made for audio/video formats 💔 #this is actually to test run how efficient i could be if i were to make pngtuber a commission option when i open those #this took 5 hours and all his psrts including clothing are separate and he has skin under there (i dont save the images like thst tho) #so i can swap out outfits n stuff n not have over 49 moving parts #the ONE issue with this lineless style though. is recoloring parts #i tried to do recolored mouths for s paragon model and it was a pain so i didnt rlly finish or save it. #i think i still prefer veadotubemini tbh. the blinks feel more natural in it than in pngtuber+ #but i rlly like the bounce that pngtuber+ provides for just Talking #so. hit or miss #and before anyone asks no i will not be learning live2d vtubing and will not make a 3d vtuber #all of that is just too scary for me i respect everyone i see who does it WAY more now that ive like. LOOKED it over #scary shit. leaving that to the professionals #my 3d model is strictly for fun and because i like vr and vrchat. but i do not think ill ever make a vtuber in 3d.