#I am subjecting my mutuals to all this nonsense and I'm sorry

[lilithsaga]

15 Questions for 15 Friends

Tagged by @emery-matsushita-vt (Thank youuuuu~!)

Are you named after anyone?

Yes, I am named after the first and most well-known succubus, Lilith. It is a common name among succubi, as I also have a great grandmother with the same name.

When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday. I've always been a crybaby. But at least it was a good cry yesterday... from someone unexpected complimenting my writing ability. 🥹

Do you have kids?

Hell no! I can't even take care of myself, let alone a kid. I'm not putting children through that.

What sports do/have you played?

Fencing... at least in University. Who doesn't want to stab people with swords? And the fencing community itself is actually really supportive and friendly. I actually met my current partner through fencing. (If you love someone, stab them with an epee) 🤺

Do you use sarcasm?

On occasion, but I don't think I use it often enough. When I was younger, I had a hard time understanding sarcasm and still struggle with it today every once in a while. It's just hard to tell sometimes whether a person is joking or being genuine/passive aggressive. When I use sarcasm, I try to go over the top with inflection to try and make it obvious I'm joking. Just want to make it easier for others.

What is the first thing you notice about people?

How they make me feel. I get this is supposed to be a physical description thing, but I usually won't pay attention to someone unless they have something that gets a reaction out of me. If they wear a shirt I like, I notice. If they successfully throw a ball of paper in the trash while yelling "Michael Jordan," I notice. If they like one of my comments online, I notice. All of those things make me feel joy and help me notice the person who did the thing. 😊

What's your eye color?

Purple 🟣

Scary movies, or happy endings?

Happy endings. Yeah, it's cliche, but I feel bad for people who don't reach a satisfying conclusion. And scary movies can be fun, but I watch them more for the story than the jump scares and grotesque aesthetics. It's great if a movie makes me uncomfortable with it's writing, but being uncomfy isn't something I like feeling.

Any talents?

None that I feel confident enough in to be deemed "Ultimate" or "Super High School Level" but I am able to write words on a page... so that's a thing, right?

Where were you born?

The American Underworld. To compare it to somewhere in the Overworld, I guess you could say I live in the Midwestern United States.

What are your hobbies?

Writing, video editing, gaming, listening to video essays, watching vtubers, reading fanfiction, daydreaming about random nonsensical things.

Do you have any pets?

Nope, never grew up with any and never felt comfortable taking care of one for the longest time. But my partner has a cat that I would protecc with my last dying breath.

How tall are you?

I am 5' 6" which is about average female height I think?

Favorite subject in school?

Creative writing. No surprise huh? English was okay, but other students made it disruptive and teachers focused more on sentence diagrams than actual storytelling.

Dream job?

I would love to do vtubing full-time, but don't think it will ever be realistic. I wish I had more time to write and create fictional worlds. But if I can't find the words, I also wouldn't mind video editing and slicing segments in a timeline to create a story that way.

.

..

...

Uhhh... oh shit! Now I have to tag 15 friends? Hmmmm... well Emery already tagged Tor and Axo... among others I know... *realizes I don't have a big friend group at all* uhhhhhh okay okay. I call upon the power of friends and mutuals!!

@yuzu-adagio @drakamut @azure-shades-of-blue @marvellovelacevt @draconick @slash-gallagher @vchuuberyl @overlord-jarvis @aurumatom @itsdracool @maidgamerclaire @saliferousanimations @moonfeatherblue @sisallacertavt @hatenayuri

Sorry if you've already been tagged or are not interested in doing these kinds of things! Totally allowed to ignore this! But I just think y'all are cool and deserve to let others know more about you if you wanna.

Thank you for reading!!

#vtuber #pngtuber #indie vtuber #tag game #15 questions #mutuals #moots #ily all

[luckydragon10]

P&P Chapters 17 and 18

(Chapter 16)

At last, a little movement on the scoreboard!

Lizzy gets knocked down a peg to +20

Mr. Darcy holds completely still at -10.

~~~

Chapter 17

(Jane) and yet, it was not in her nature to question the veracity of a young man of such amiable appearance as Wickham.

I think it's time to learn a new life skill.

I can't help but wonder how long this Significant Misunderstanding about things is going to last. Long misunderstanding? Short one? Middling? (No spoilers, please, just wondering aloud to myself.)

Lizzy: "...Besides, there was truth in his looks.”

OMG, stop relying on that as proof of honesty! I'm taking another 5 points off for frustrating me.

“While I can have my mornings to myself,” said she, “it is enough—I think it is no sacrifice to join occasionally in evening engagements. Society has claims on us all; and I profess myself one of those who consider intervals of recreation and amusement as desirable for everybody.”

Marytron 2000 strikes again.

Elizabeth, however, did not choose to take the hint, being well aware that a serious dispute must be the consequence of any reply.

After tripping herself up multiple times, finally she sees a battle she doesn't want to pick. Of course it's with her mother.

the very shoe-roses for Netherfield were got by proxy.

...the heck is a shoe-rose? Anyone care to share a footnote?

~~~

Chapter 18

(Lizzy) She had dressed with more than usual care, and prepared in the highest spirits for the conquest of all that remained unsubdued of his heart, trusting that it was not more than might be won in the course of the evening.

I'm too demisexual for this nonsense. Child, you've spoken with him once before, and now you want him in love with you on the second meeting. *eyeroll* Moves as fast as a Disney princess, this one.

Lizzy: “Heaven forbid! That would be the greatest misfortune of all! To find a man agreeable whom one is determined to hate! Do not wish me such an evil.”

Stubborn lil' thing. But funny.

He smiled, and assured her that whatever she wished him to say should be said.

Oh SOMEBODY finally remembered to take a modicum of charm with him when he left his house. Paltry, though cute, so no points given.

Is it just me or does Sir William Lucas ship Lizzy and Darcy? He absolutely ships it.

“I am sorry you think so; but if that be the case, there can at least be no want of subject. We may compare our different opinions.”

I'm giving him 5 points for bringing up a topic of mutual interest, even though Lizzy is not interested in playing along right now.

Meanwhile, Lizzy needs to be shaken. Well, I can kind of understand not wanting to take advice from someone she dislikes (Miss Bingley), but at the same time, girl, get some curiosity and find some facts, dammit.

Gossip gossip gossip, buncha gossip.

“I have not a doubt of Mr. Bingley’s sincerity,” said Elizabeth warmly; “but you must excuse my not being convinced by assurances only...."

HAVE SOME OF THAT SUSPICION TOWARD WICKY. OMG, Lizzy, you're killing me. You do this one more time, and I'm taking more points off.

Mr. Collins: “My dear Miss Elizabeth, I have the highest opinion in the world in your excellent judgement in all matters within the scope of your understanding;..."

Oh just fry this guy in oil already. Drop kick him to the continent, please.

...was left to the comforts of cold ham and chicken.

I want to be left to the comforts of cold ham and chicken at every party.

(Lizzy) She looked at her father to entreat his interference, lest Mary should be singing all night. He took the hint, and when Mary had finished her second song, said aloud, “That will do extremely well, child. You have delighted us long enough. Let the other young ladies have time to exhibit.”

Oh thank goodness. Finally, you've made a good contribution, Mr. Bennet.

She owed her greatest relief to her friend Miss Lucas, who often joined them, and good-naturedly engaged Mr. Collins’s conversation to herself.

Charlotte is the true MVP of this book. Favorite. New blorbo unlocked.

(Chapters 19 and 20)

#nemi reads p&p #pride and predujice #chapters 17 and 18

[elven-writing]

Pinned Post!

Here's all the information you'll need to navigate my dumpster fire of a blog! This post is pretty long, sorry!

Created: 12/03/2022

Last Updated: 02/08/2024

DNI (turned out longer than I expected, I may have over-explained. Oh well):

Bigots of any kind (bigotry towards terfs is okay because honestly fuck them.) THIS INCLUDES: Homophobia, Biphobia, Transphobia, any kind of hatred AT ALL towards ANY group within the LGBTQ+ community, Nazism, Anti-Semitism, Racism, Sexism, Ableism, Ageism, Xenophobia, Islamophobia, etc.

Any one under the age of 13. If you're under 13, you really shouldn't be on tumblr, but I can't control people's kids, so idc. If I find out you're under 13 and interacting with my blog, I will block you at bare minimum until you're 14.

NSFW blogs. While I say my blog is recommended for 16+, that does NOT mean I allow NSFW content of ANY KIND. My blog is 16+ for LANGUAGE and OCCASIONAL MATURE THEMES, not for NSFW content. (This was a lie, I'm a liar, there will be occasional hornyposts)

Assholes. I get that everyone has their own opinion, but if you start harassing me or any of my mutuals/followers, you WILL be blocked immediately. I may be a bit of an asshole sometimes, but I don't go out of my way to attack people for no reason. I will uphold everyone else around these parts to the same standards.

Trumpies/MAGAs/Far-right Conservatives. I'm all for political freedom, but I don't want any of those kinds around for safety and personal reasons. Also, refer to Bullet Point Number Four for further information on why I don't want Trumpies around here.

Religious nuts. Practice your religion however you please, I'm all for it. If you want, you can POLITELY educate me and anyone else who is okay with it about your religion. I'm taking a World Religions class and am very open to learning about other peoples' faiths. HOWEVER, if somebody says to shut up about religion, SHUT UP ABOUT RELIGION. If your only purpose is to tell people about "The Word of God" or whatever, GTFO. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, use religion as a tool for hate, or use someone else's religion as a tool for hatred.

People who can't take a joke. I (and many others on this site) am a sarcastic sunnuvabitch, and cannot take time to account for EVERYONE'S feelings towards EVERY subject. I will do my best to use tone indicators (I forget sometimes) but do not get md if I don't. If it bothers you, leave. If I say something that offends you, let me know in my DMs and I'll work it out with you as best I can.

About me:

My name is Ozzie, I'm 18 years old, and I use He/They or E/Em pronouns. I'm still figuring out my gender identity, so I use the term transmasc for now. I'm demiromantic and bisexual. I am in a polyamorous relationship with my partners who I am absolutely enamored with and cannot shut up about. I have ADHD, MDD, and ASD. I also have uncontrollable tics (most likely caused by medications I was taking) but that doesn't really affect stuff online. I like dad jokes, animals (if you have pictures or facts about animals, I'd love to hear them!), art, music, and writing. I'm into video games like Minecraft, Pokemon, Animal Crossing, and some others I can't think of right now (mainly open-world, chill games.) My favorite movie is The Princess Bride (shut up, it's a classic) and I love horror movies.

What to expect:

I have absolutely no idea. Hope for the best, expect the worst, I guess. Seriously though, most of this blog is me saying dumb shit, me reblogging other people's art and absolutely going apeshit over how amazing it is, and me reblogging random shit I see because I have no shame. Probably a lot of Skeleton War nonsense, because fuck you, that's why. Also Goncharov. Lots of Goncharov.

Have fun suffering, my fellow losers!

-Ozzie <3

#intro post #pinned post #long af #boring bullshit i wrote because it's nearly one am and i'm bored lmao

[pajama-han]

Arcane characters react to their SO having a stuffed toy as their comfort object (Arcane characters x GN reader)

Jinx

- Thinks it’s the cutest thing in the whole world that you carry around a little plushie

- Will 100% sew tiny outfits for it and dress it up.

- Talks to it a lot (it tells the funniest stories)

- Will ship it with her rabbit

- Might get a bit jealous if you pay more attention to it than to her.

- This will get you a clingy Jinx on your back, poking your cheek with a playful pout

- “Save some cuddles for meeeee!”

Vi

- As if you could get any more adorable in her eyes.

- Whenever you’re holding it, she’ll give you a kiss and kiss the plush as well.

- “Lookin’ good today, babe! You, too, (Plush’s name)!”

- Always makes sure you have it before you set out.

- “You got (Plush’s name)? They can hang out in my backpack if you want.”

- Will decimate anyone who teases you about it.

Caitlyn

- Buys a matching one for herself immediately and gives it a cute, silly name.

- Whenever you’re together, she poses the plushes in cute ways.

- Whenever she’s working on a tough case, you’ll see her plush in her arms. Sometimes she asks it questions about it, and she makes it talk back in a silly voice.

- This, surprisingly, helps her get over quite a few hurdles.

- “Thank you for your help, Detective Chiffon! Now, I believe you had a tea party scheduled with (your Plush’s name).”

- Will offer to mend for you it if the fabric gets torn.

Ekko

- Will tease you about it at first, but will back off once he sees how much it means to you

- Thinks it’s awesome that you have such a nice way of calming down.

- Also thinks you’re too precious for words.

- Shows you off to everyone at the hideaway, "Guys look, my baby has a baby!!"

- Like Jinx, he might get a bit jealous of it, and might get a bit clingy.

- He’ll be hanging off of your shoulders and kiss your cheek, “Yeah, (Plush’s name) is cute. But I’m still the cutest, right, babe?”

Viktor

- The first time he sees you with it, he’ll smile a bit teasingly.

- “Hello, Y/N. Care to introduce me to your friend?”

- Once properly introduced, he will shake it’s paw/hand politely.

- Loves it when you bring it to the lab when you visit.

- You know how some software developers have rubber ducks at their desk that they explain their coding to in order to find the problem with it? Yeah.

- On more than one occasion, you’ve come into the lab looking for your plushie only to see Viktor and Jayce taking turns explaining their latest Hextech conundrum to it.

- Then, they’ll realize the error, and whoop, cheer, and hoist the plush into the air triumphantly.

- “Little (Plush’s name) is quite an asset to the team. Mind if I credit them in our dissertation?”

- (He’s completely serious about that)

Silco

- Finds it childish but won’t make fun of you.

- Forbids you from taking it out in public with him, though.

- It’s not because he’s embarrassed, he would just hate for it to get lost, stolen, dirty, or hurt.

- Yes, he specifically says “hurt” rather than “damaged”

- Once when you couldn’t find your plush, you found Silco staring at it on his desk, gently stroking one of its hands/paws. He had just finished a stressful meeting with the Chem Barons, but when you caught him with the plush, he looked calm.

- If you get him one for himself (because you don't want your plushie reeking of smoke), he’ll scoff a bit and jam it into one of his desk drawers dismissively.

- But after that, every time he has a rough day, you hear him open that drawer and take it out. If he catches you peeking in on his private moment, he’ll scowl at you.

- “This doesn’t leave this room.” The words would have more venom in them if he wasn’t cradling his own comfort object so close to his heart.

#arcane x reader #jinx x reader #vi x reader #Caitlyn x reader #Ekko x reader #Viktor x reader #Silco x reader #What? I'm projecting again? Psh no way as if... #fluff #GN reader #I am subjecting my mutuals to all this nonsense and I'm sorry

[clawsnoir]

Not really a question and more of a declaration, but thank you so much for open Riddler slander! He's a great villan and character, but the constant uwu-fication (?) is just exhausting. Everytime I search the Batman tags on any app, all I see are cutesy concepts of him that are completely out of character, like being *screams* a discord kitten.

The Riddlebat stuff is everywhere and so little appreciation is given towards Selina, if at all. Like how do you manage to just flat-out ignore one of the best Catwoman portrayals we've gotten? Especially one played by a non-white actress? Ugh. Riddler stans have said the worst takes on her I've ever heard, such as but not limited to:

She's not a well written character, and that the writers thought they "girlbossed" when she only became independent when she wanted to kill.

She was completely unnecessary to the plot and the movie would've been better without her.

Accused the movie of "queerbaiting" between her and Annika (think what you will about their relationship, but everyone should know her and Bruce are a thing ☠️)

And the typical, "no chemistry between her and Bruce"

This is the first time I've explicitly complained about any of this since most of my mutuals (though i love them dearly) often bandwagon on the woobified Riddler; it's fun to have fun ofc, but it's just irritating when its constantly the main focus and the only takeaway of the movie. Sorry for the long ask, but I really appreciate you and some others on here talking about this stuff-- definitely makes me feel less isolated on the topic :)

anon I love you, be my friend :)

you didn't ask me to do this, but as a selina kyle stan I am compelled to defend my girl against any and all slander so I'm going to refute each of those points:

1) selina is an objectively well-written character. whether or not you (the audience member) can connect with/empathize with her motivations, they are presented clearly in the text. she has an arc in this film, one that is followed to it's narrative conclusion without ever losing the logical or emotional threads.

2) 'the movie would have been better if there were only men (almost exclusively white) on my screen' honestly can't even say anything to this. a clear sign of being brain dead.

3) there was no queerbaiting, selina doesn't have to date women onscreen to be bisexual lmao she's always been bi, the same way the love of her life is always going to be bruce wayne. he's the only man she's ever loved. he's her soulmate. if you don't like that, then you don't really like or understand catwoman, sorry!

4) 'chemistry' is a bullshit axis of analysis in the first place so I hate to even entertain this nonsense, but anyone who says this probably has some implicit biases they need to interrogate. chemistry between actors is subjective, well-written tension and romance between characters is not, and batcat were absolutely serving every sizzling second they were onscreen together.

the woobification in this fandom has genuinely reached a disturbing level, imo! there are plenty of people capable of separating fiction from reality, but it's becoming increasingly obvious by the reaction to the riddler that those people are not in the batman fandom 🙂

#asks #fandom wank #selina kyle stan club

[dreamiesdotcom]

complicated (slow spin-off) | z.cl, h.rj

Summary: Think of heartbeat, only a little faster. And more demanding. Afraid? Hurt? In love? How different are they supposed to feel? Free fall. Stardust. Rose. "Perhaps, everyone just falls in love with their best friend," Renjun drawls out, "Even just a little bit, from time to time."

Word Count: 2.9k

All Renjun ever wanted was peace, an alien friend, and a book that hits him right in the gut.

The thing Jaemin does where he's hopelessly in love? None of that — they're almost always falling for each other in such different times that they never align, and when they do overlap, one's feelings is already dying down.

The thing that Jisung does where he looks at Jaemin like he's terrified? Terrified because of how much he loves him in the way he shouldn't? Yeah, Renjun wants none of that as well.

Chenle, too — this boy, how Renjun doesn't want to feel whatever hell it is Chenle goes through every day.

Watching the boy you adore, who happens to be your best friend, fall in love with your other best friend who's in love with your other best friend just sounds like an experience he doesn't want to have. Pining is one thing. Pining this aimlessly is another.

Looking through a classmate's camera as he finds the shot the other asked him to look for? A whole new level of complicated feelings and friendships and he doesn't even want to know. They have a project and that's about his business — so he doesn't judge nor pry, but he chuckles, "Jeno-ssi, did you give me the wrong camera, or am I only supposed to see candids of Donghyuck?"

Jeno blushes red, stutters an apology. He fiddles with his gadget a bit, messing with cards. For the meanwhile, Renjun decides to go and buy coffee for the both of them. It's trouble, really, since he already can't feel his legs from sitting so long but then it might be for the better.

It's less of a drag from when the other sweetly mutters a thank you, and it's a pity that Renjun didn't really get to focus on that.

"Hey, you're welcome and sorry to interrupt you but... Jeno?" he squints at the street outside. He carefully, slowly, sits back down on his chair and gets a clearer view — he can't believe the sight in front of him. He calls the other again, "Am I seeing this wrong, or is that Lee Donghyuck?"

Jeno raises a brow and looks to the side, the park opposite the store they're sitting at — certainly, at 3 a.m in the morning, the boy at question is there. He's walking past streetlights, a cup of coffee in his hands, and now he just sat at the swings.

Now, Renjun isn't his friend; he's not interested in him one bit, but he's not blind either. At one glance he knows that Jeno likes Hyuck, and at one glance, he knows that the person at the park is definitely the said boy.

Again, that's not his business, but that's also not what he's looking at.

Lee Donghyuck seems to be giggling, the brightest smile on his face as he gently swings — only he's not alone. He's with a very familiar person, one of Renjun's best friends, the subject of Na Jaemin's love.

"Uh. Yeah," Jeno nods, turning his head back to his laptop one beat late. He hands Renjun the camera, this time with the appropriate card. Renjun doesn't miss the dull sparkle in his eyes as he forces out a laugh, "Let's get back to work?"

They're not particularly close friends, so Jeno's feelings are not his business; he doesn't think he should even know about it, but hey, it's either that he wasn't so discreet or that Renjun's just observant — it's not his fault that he hesitates a bit, especially when Jeno blinks away his tears like that.

He doesn't want to make it awkward, still, so he nods.

Questions flood his mind as they work silently, questions much like 'Why do people do this to themselves? Of all the people you'd fall for, why your best friend? Is it because you're always close? Is it the mutual understanding?' He doesn't understand at all — looking at Jeno, he's really, well, an elegant person. Not to mention, kind as well. To be realistic, most people fall in love with looks at first so no doubt people adore Jeno, and yet... yet he's here, waiting on a possibly unreturned affection.

But then to consider, Jisung is stunning. That didn't make Jaemin love him the same way. What the hell is this mess?

"It's already 4:30, so what do you say we head home now?" Jeno proposes, and he snaps out of his stupor. Renjun absentmindedly nods.

They walk side by side in peaceful quiet until they part to the direction of their own homes. Before he reaches his, he remembers the pictures from Jeno's camera: snapshots of Donghyuck's sweet smile occupies the camera's memory — one where he's dressed up as an angel, one where his eyelids glimmer of gold eyeshadow and glitters, many of where he's laughing and not looking at Jeno's direction. Some of where he's wistfully staring at his phone.

It kind of reminds him of Jaemin to Y/N, or Jisung to Jaemin, or Chenle to Jisung. Now, whenever he looks at lines that never meet, he'd think of Jeno and Donghyuck as well — because Jeno doesn't need to say it, but his eyes do the work for him. Renjun doesn't need words to figure out that Jeno's in love.

Renjun worries about him a little.

####

Whenever something intriguing happens, he's almost always accidentally there — back then, when he and Jeno saw Hyuck and Y/N, and now, standing a few meters away from Chenle and Jisung.

He doesn't understand — all he wanted was peace, an alien friend, and a book that hits him right in the gut. Watching his friends do this thing they're so bad at is easily not something he signed up for.

He could look away. He could turn and walk the other way since obviously, Jisung and Chenle would feel awkward if they realized he's there, but then he heard it. Chenle's question. It makes his heart miss a beat.

"How many times are you gonna keep on breaking your heart?"

Renjun furrows his brow. Could Chenle even answer his own question? It's all too ironic. It's none of his business, but it's all too ironic.

He realizes at that incredibly strange moment that Jisung and Chenle appeared like a movie scene, or a drama, whatever works. Something in the way they stand in front of each other is oddly pleasing, an aesthetic so hard to get enough of. If not for the anguish in Jisung's eyes as he falls on Chenle's arms, Renjun would say that it's the perfect sight.

Before all of that, Jisung had smiled and answered the other's question: "How many times can your heart break for the person you love?"

Chenle only stretched his arms as a reply, an invitation for a consoling hug. "Never too much," he wanted to say.

Renjun could see.

How in the world they don't notice him there, Renjun doesn't know. By now, he figures he should be used to his friends being dense. He means, well, they had these feelings for each other for as long as he can remember and if Huang Renjun, Mr. It's-None-Of-My-Business-So-I-Didn't-Know, noticed whatever the hell this mess is, surely they should've known long ago, right?

Chenle stands there alone. Jisung must've left earlier during the time he spent spacing out. He stands behind the other, a reasonable distance away so he still doesn't figure out he's there. He waits for him to resume walking; for five minutes, he doesn't. Renjun makes himself known by rushing and cheerily slinging an arm on the other boy.

"Hey, Zhong Chenle, whatever it is you've been doing these days, how did it go?"

"Same old, I'm amazing," he airily says, startled but comforted at the knowledge that it's a friend and not someone trying to kill him. "Haechan hyung wrote a song. I'm certain it's for Y/N."

"Really? That's sweet," Renjun can just begin to imagine the blush at that friend's cheeks if Donghyuck decides to sing the song on the school showcase. It should be a fun night for them! Jisung is performing, Chenle too, Jaemin as well... his smile dies down a little at the other's name.

"But... Jaemin, though."

It's something he shouldn't know — pretty sure Jaemin thinks nobody knows about his feelings, but then again, how can he hide anything from anyone when he looks at that person with hearts for eyes?

"Yeah. I'm worried for Jaemin hyung and Jisung," the younger wistfully sighs, tugging the other to walk on his pace. He sighs again. "You know how he is."

"I do. In fact, I'm worried about all of you," Renjun hums. Chenle raises a brow, but Renjun makes note of the split-second panic in the younger's mask of faux confidence. Renjun smiles, "I'm worried about you, Chenle-ah."

He makes an odd sound aiming at nonchalance, and it scares him how natural he sounded as he fakes a laugh. He slings an arm on Renjun, making them walk the opposite direction of where they should be going, "You've been working hard and you're saying nonsense now. Let me just treat you ice cream — trust me, hyung, you need it."

The older of the two sighs and decides to let it go. Before that, though, Chenle smiled at him and shook his head, "What's there to worry about me?"

Internally, Renjun wanted to pull him into a hug. In his mind, he'd held his friend and answered, the heartbreak you feel in silence.

###

Back then, Jaemin told Renjun something very interesting — something about the way he glances at people.

As an example, Jaemin had said then that Renjun looks at Y/N like he does to his favorite book, full with wonder — Do you know how loved you are? How many people love you... how many hearts broke for you... how beautiful and conflicted you are — and well, he agrees. He does feel like that.

Jaemin said Renjun looked at both him and Jisung like twin stars, as if the world is never correct unless they're side by side. One is always beside the other, even when one is shrouded behind clouds.

Secretly, Renjun disagreed: he feels like he looks at them like a scene that was supposed to be but never was. An accidental masterpiece that never occurred because the artist was too careful.

Jaemin said Renjun looked at his almost acquaintance Jeno with a strange kind of familiarity, like they knew each other for several lifetimes but never dared to actually get to know each other; he stared at him as if they were identical. As if somewhere in the boy with hopeless love beating in his heart is a part he relates to.

But Chenle... Jaemin said he looked at Chenle like his heart broke. He didn't go into detail, he refused to, and it left him confused.

A year, seven months, and two weeks from that event, Renjun realizes just why, and he figures out that after all, most things in life are not a choice. Maybe that's why people continue to adore hopeless cases.

All Renjun ever wanted was peace, an alien friend, and a book that hits him right in the gut. He never asked to realize that all those years, he refused to acknowledge something, a big part of him. He never asked to be one of those people who couldn't control their feelings.

"You were a dream that shined brightly above me..." Renjun reads, the words more saccharine and dreamy when it's spoken in his voice, "and just like the fate of a gazer and a star, you are so far from my reach. But still, you've had me at first sight, and all I wanted was for gravity to let me fall from Earth and then into your hold— this doesn't even make sense."

"Yeah, but only because you skipped to that chapter, dummy." Chenle grumbles, stealing back his book, "These are references. They're referencing to the past events you didn't get to read."

"Yeah, but still. It's unrequited love." Renjun answers, "It's way too complicated for me."

The wind blows, an addition to the cold lingering in the air. Jaemin isn't present tonight as he's dealing with the consequences of procrastinating essays for weeks, so naturally, his best friend Y/N should be there too. Renjun wishes no heartbreak to his pure, lovesick heart — something in him knows that it's where everything will lead to, but he hopes it'll go easy on him. Jaemin deserved the world, none of the painful side of it.

Jisung didn't come today, too. He's busy with his performance, perfecting every snap and every turn, every single move that completes his routine. Maybe it's a diversion for him. Renjun prays he doesn't overwork himself, and he hopes the younger doesn't go harsh on himself, he hopes he doesn't beat himself up for falling for someone who was too busy hoping to catch somebody else.

Jisung deserved the world, as well. All of his friends did. Renjun finds himself quickly growing fond of them all from their most lovable traits down to their unnoticeable flaws. He loves them all each a different way, all with the same intensity.

This one, though. This one might just be a little too special.

A deep frown leaves him as he decides to lay down the grass he's previously been sitting on, and Chenle bemusedly laughs, a small sound compared to his usual.

"You're smart. That's why everything is way too complicated for you."

And it's there again, the longing in his gaze, the one Renjun knows is for someone else. The omnipresent feeling of telltale heartache signs floats around him like lustrous fireballs, but the boy beside him seems iridescent, each a different color on every side. If Renjun closes his eyes long enough, he could just imagine himself having control and not fading at the sight of every view.

"You know, don't you?" Chenle asks, turning his head away from the other and staring up at the sky instead. He compares to an epic painting. "I'm in love with Jisung."

"And Jisung is in love with Jaemin, Jaemin who is in love with Y/N," he adds in affirmation, knowing it's what Chenle wants to hear but his mind is far away from being lucid to that thought.

In his mind, he adds, but me? Do you know that I'm in love with you? He shakes that thought away, "I know. I know you guys, and it's not hard to see."

Carefully, Renjun adds, "The words each of you refuse to say... they're in your eyes. All the time."

With him laying down like this, the other resembles the Little Prince from the book Renjun always loved. His blonde hair sways with the wind and the things it does to Renjun makes him heady of stars. Chenle shrugs, "I thought you'd be mad. It could've ruined our friendship."

Think of heartbeat, only a little faster. And more demanding. Afraid? Hurt? In love? How different are they supposed to feel? Free fall. Stardust. Rose.

"Perhaps, everyone just falls in love with their best friend," Renjun drawls out, "Even just a little bit, from time to time."

Now, he gets a little bit of what Jaemin was trying to say but refused to explain: Renjun looked at Chenle like his heart broke. He looked at him like that, and a thousand more unsaid ways he didn't even know existed. He looks at him like all he wanted to do was tell him his feelings, but he was so afraid. He looked at him like he's afraid that he won't fall in love as hard as this anymore, like he's scared that one day he'd be unable to adore someone romantically because they're not this boy, his greatest love.

He looks at him like all he wanted was a sight so beautiful he overlooks the other, and arms so warm he doesn't seek this one-sided fire, like he craves for a drink that'll burn away the confessions stuck on his throat and trapped on his lips.

He looks at the boy he loves with lenses of blue, that in a way where he isn't really sure if he wanted to forget or remember. All that he knew was he wanted to be loved.

Chenle chuckles again, but this time he lets himself fall down and lay beside Renjun. He reaches his hands to the stars, dwelling on how much smaller he is than these speckles of lights, and swears on each and every one of them — "Friends forever?"

"Best friends," Renjun corrects. "You, me, Y/N, Jaemin, Jisung — best friends forever."

And he said it a hundred times, he wants to say it a million more. He wouldn't wish any other way for all of them but always; there is so much he wants to share, so many things he wants to experience with all of them.

They're best friends forever, they've said that a hundred times. He wants to say it a million more.

But somehow, sitting underneath the stars with only his favorite book and Zhong Chenle beside him, it doesn't feel right.

It doesn't feel right to be just best of friends.

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