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etheries1015 · 6 months

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Adult (20+) MC finally figures out how to properly make money, BESIDES working for Azul. Become not only the prefect and be a student, but an on the call designated therapist!

"Crowley, really. I'm far older than the other students, it is not my fault the mirror has brought you a full grown adult rather than another proper student! I finished all of my schooling where I am from, I do not wish to repeat it along side these....kids!" You had complained to him. Well, what was he to do? The mirror had obviously chosen you to be at that school, you had no other merits at the time to offer him, and to simply put it...without a way to go home, what else could possibly occupy your time in a world in which you know nothing about, than gather intel by throwing yourself into the most prestigious of schools? The answer seemed obvious at the time, until you realized just how bad it was.

Teenagers are still teenagers, after all. Especially a bunch of teenage boys surrounded by...well... Other teenage boys. Magic or not, they were still going through any other mental struggles as any normal human. However, putting magic into the mix had surely caused you some...extra unprecedented grief you had never needed to worry about in your world. After what, three? Four? Overblots and life endagerment exibitions, you had an epiphany. With extensive knowledge of the human brain system, life experience, and a plothera of coping mechanisms under your belt, what better way to open the door than to become none other than the designated student body therapist?

With some rather convincing techniques, you had managed to convince Crowley to, as you put it...

"Let me take this off of your plate! You are so busy being such an amazing head master running this school as perfectly as you are, I understand the durasic increase of overblots have your hands tied behind your back! As you know, I am an adult with ample experience in the field of mental health. Although I don't have the documents to prove it as much at this time seeing as they are back in my world....I just know you will not regret hiring me as a therapist."

A few more convincing lines (and perhaps a week of pestering, begging, manipulating-- I mean convincing , he had eventually hired you as the school therapist! With, of course, the expectation that you had to take an additional class to further certify you were able to properly do such a job. (You were kind of mad a bout that, seeing as you knew you were qualified, but hey. Pick and choose your battles I guess. At least you managed to get by with a couple additional classes, instead of a million years of schooling.)

You had a personal office in ramshackle, an empty dorm becoming suitable with your own personal desk, computer, book shelf, and another necessities. You had a location in the main building, the room connected to the nurses office had been refurnished as your main office. Book shelves of self care, items for fiddling with, bean bags, posters with encouraging words, and a desk full of papers, along with other needed items graciously funded by the school (you threatened Crowley at one point, accusing him of not caring of his students.) Of course, being on call meant students may drop by the dorm at any given time for your aid and expertise, so the ramshackle dorm lounge was also redecorated suited for sessions that were a bit more casual.

But of course, you also managed to juggle your studies as a student, wanting to continue to learn about magic. Working on the call was nice, keeping your phone on and excusing yourself whenever official work called for you. Unless you rather not be a student, that is fine, too. Full time therapist work may be the job for you!

Helping students heal one tragic back story at a time seemed perfectly fitting. (You just wanted to finally get paid and recognized for what you were already doing.)

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland fanfic #twst fanfic #twst fanfiction #twst MC #twisted wonderland mc #yuu #twst yuu

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wannab-urs · 9 months

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The Spreadsheet Digest - Fic Recs | Vol 11

Hi friends!!

I've really outdone myself this week, folks. I read TWENTY SEVEN new fics (including three very long series) + a bunch of updates to WIPs I was already reading. That being said, I'm gonna sort these by character for you because it's a lot to scroll through.

If you're new here, these are all the fics I read this week (except series updates and unnamed drabbles) and my unhinged/unedited ramblings about them :)

You can find the full spreadsheet here, and you're always welcome to tag me in your fics <3

Fic recs below the Pedro <3

Din Djarin

Wherever You Stray, I Follow a one shot by @beskarandblasters

This is one of those fics that makes me genuinely pissed I'm not living in the Star Wars universe. Why can't I run away from an arranged marriage with my bodyguard who just so happens to be a very very handsome man in a suit of pure beskar? It's not fair.

Beskar Doll a series by @justagalwhowrites

Okay so I read 40+ chapters of this in TWO days. The story is so engaging?! Also we all know I love me some angst and the angst in this is so well done. It's believable, it's painful, it's excellent. I'm always hype for reader characters/FMC/OFC that are strong and capable (not that I have an issue with the damsel in distress fics either but...) I am obsessed with the reader/MC in this. She's so fucking cool and strong and AGH!!! There was no part of this where I was bored or wondered why the story went in a certain direction - it always made sense to me and I was completely engaged the whole time. That's pretty impressive for a long ass fic like this. I usually fall off after 20 or so chapters. Everyone should read this, tbh.

Significant a one shot by @softlyspector

AHHHH okay first of all, you gotta read the drabble first so you get a feel for the relationship. This was SO CUTE. I support every choice made in this fic. I don't want to spoil anything, but just know that I love the characterization and dialogue in this. I love how quickly I got sucked into the story and believed their relationship despite it only being 5k. I could kind of imagine a full series around this. It was sooooo cute UGH. (Look at me reading fluff, what's goin on).

Fix it a one shot by @jksprincess10

I love how you've barely written Din before (1 fic) and then you produce this. It's so fucking good. We get helmetless!Din without a fuckton of buildup and like I get that it's not the most realistic, but sometimes you just want Din Djarin to eat you out without 20 chapters of wondering what his face looks like or having to be in the dark. And the tattoos... nad... you gave him tattoos.... I'll pass out and die on the floor right now.

a little attention a one shot by @luckbealincoln

Din has a rough day (haha get it?) and reader knows just how to get rid of his pissy ass attitude. I love love love dom!Din so fucking much this is so hot PLEASE

Best Kept Secret a series by @lincolndjarin

Bodyguard!Din and princess!reader!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this trope so much. I expected the fic to be a little kitschy because I mean... it's a kitschy trope. And I love kitschy shit that's why I clicked on it... but guys! guys!! it's not!! This fic has so much depth, so much emotion. The little glimpses of Din's backstory, the depictions of mental health, that bastard Kodo, my beloved Elaine and Lysa... just... there's so much in this story that I adore. It feels fresh and interesting and it's heart wrenching and wonderful and sexy and....yeah read this one thanks.

Who do you belong to? a one shot by @beskarandblasters

HOT!!!!!!! Possessive!Din is so fucking hot. The smut is.... oh my lordt it is good.

Joel Miller

i can be your pretty girl a series by @walkintotheriveranddisappear

A little innocent reader/manipulative dbf!joel never hurt anyone, right? I fucking love this. And the subsequent part is... even better (worse? more depraved?).

Epiphany a one shot by @jksprincess10

This story hurts. It hits you right in the chest and takes the breath out of you. Worth the pain though. It's gorgeously done <3

I'll Do Anything a one shot by @beskarandblasters

I feel like I've seen some fics that are this trope but in reverse, where Joel is the one making reader pay with sex. I think I like this better tbh. Desperate, needy Joel is everything.

Seven a one shot by @proxima-writes

Starting with the dream was so fucking good! And I really like the choice to not make it a 1 to 1 direct recreation of the actual scene with Sarah. I loved the early interactions with Joel and reader so much. The library scene AHHH!!!! And then fast forwarding through the reallly good smut, the dream that's not a nightmare???? Are you kidding me??? genius. Reader still believing in beautiful things and making joel believe he deserves good things and oh my god just shoot me now this was adorable.

sensational a series by @sinsofsummers

I guess I was on an innocent reader kick this week idk. I love the buildup of the reader's background in this though. She feels like a real person and not just a vessel for actual reader to pretend we're virgins and Joel Miller is teaching us about sex. Like she is that, don't get me wrong, and I love it. But!! She's a real person, with feelings and a backstory and I am a slut for a good story with my smut. Okay and also Joel doesn't feel like a creep in this, which is a little hard to achieve given the premise. I really liked this and I hope we get more. (there's a part two, but like I'd read 10 parts of this are you kidding)

Desire a series by @toxic-seduction

Good ol' depraved smut. I haven't read one like this before!! And the follow up is just as yummy. Highly recommend if you're feeling a little freaky :)

Gimme What I Want a series by @atticrissfinch

Oh my god oh my GOD oh my god. This was so fucking hot?! And the little moments of humor too?! I love the format for this so much. And the attention to detail with the timestamps and everything!! And then part two... I was not prepared. God it was so hot. (and the lil bonus of Joel being awkward and adorable ughhhh). The blend of sexy and funny and a tad bit depraved and a tiny bit sweet... perfect.

Lavender a series by @justagalwhowrites

Hey, it's not nice to break people's hearts repeatedly. There are barely even words to describe this fic. The nanny trope to start out with, meaning that you get really really attached to Sarah and pre-outbreak Joel and you build up all these hopes and dreams for the two of them.... and then... (trying not to spoil things) Joel being a moron and then the outbreak of course and... I always want to know what happens in that 20 years between outbreak and Joel meeting Ellie. I really adore the way that canon content was blended with original content in a way that seems to make Joel's actions make even more sense than they do in canon. Doc is such a cool character also??? And oh my GOD Andrew and Jess... I seriously cannot explain how fucking perfect this is. I could read it forever. Like I hope you carry it on through season two when that comes out, it's that good. I would read 500 chapters of this.

Mine a one shot by @the-scandalorian

How does one write Porn Without Plot, anal at that, and make it profound? Apparently this way. How dare you make me feel anything but a little ashamed and lot horny about an ANAL FIC?! Are you a fucking WIZARD?! Anyway yeah y'all should read this one.

Stay here, honey a one shot by @swiftispunk

This is just porn but I was having that kind of day. dbf!joel + really high chance of getting caught PWP. Wonderful <3

What I need a one shot by @swiftispunk

knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink. Oh and also a lil bit of sweetness at the end. Yes please

Your Summer Dream a series by @swiftispunk

Look I've only read chapter one and I'm already in love. The set up is so good. Joel seems so sweet and charming and cool and HOT?!? Reader is about to win the rebound Jackpot for real. I'd be jealous if I wasn't,,,, ya know,,, the reader.

exile a one shot by @tieronecrush

Oh hey cool, thanks for hurting my feelings... just kidding you know I love angst. This was so gorgeously written. I love all the descriptions a lot. And also... I read a lot of joel/reader breakups where she just immediately crumbles and takes him back because like wouldn't we all? But I really like how you had her hesitate even though she's clearly miserable. At least one of us is emotionally mature enough to not dive headfirst back into a toxic relationship (couldn't be me).

Javier Peña

a pile of cards a one shot by @undercoverpena

There are very few things I love more than fluffy, soft!Javi Peña. That man has the capacity to be so sweet and caring and kind and loving and AHHHHHH. I really love the way this story is told. A story in birthdays for your birthday celebration... that's so fucking creative I love it. I just... I can't say enough about this fic. Read it!!

not here, not now a one shot by @gracieispunk

Reader gets in trouble with Javi and handcuffs are involved... I feel like I do not need to say more.

(Re)union with Elvis a one shot by @tieronecrush

I've read a lot of these lil accidental marriage fics, and this is one of my favorites so far. I loved getting to see them meet up sober, go through the whole night, experience the silly wedding, the mind blowing sex, and then the wakeup scene is actually so cute? I rarely see one of these without a defcon level freak out about the fact they got married. Imagine telling this story at your wedding? Like oh yeah we've actually already divorced each other and it was before we ever started dating.

Pero Tovar

Xìngjiāo a one shot by @absurdthirst

I finally watched The Great Wall and my literal first move after finishing it was to see if absurdthirst wrote a sex pollen fic for Tovar and she FUCKING DID!!!!! Gods I love sex pollen.

Pero Tovar and his Guerrera a series by @prolix-yuy

This lil loose fit series makes my heart sing. Pero being an idiot? Reader being a badass? Silly arrangement to be able to stay near each other without having to admit feelings? Finally admitting feelings??? Wrap me up in this story and bury me in it, thanks.

Dave York

Stormy Secrets a one shot by @absurdthirst

Kinda randomly got in the mood to read something fucked up and stumbled on this lovely Dave York fic. Murder daddy didn't let me down, this was EXCELLENT. Pretty much checked every box on the list of what I would kill to have Dave York do to me.

Just Your Average Suburban Couple a one shot by @absurdthirst

What if Murder Daddy had a Murder Wife? I know it's a hot take, but I love the fake dating trope so this is so fun for me. Add in badass reader, infidelity, murder, Dave York being soft (in his own way), domestic Dave, and possessive/jealous!Dave? Oh and of course delicious smut. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

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Do y'all prefer it sorted like this or was it fine the old way? This takes a little extra work, but it's not that bad.

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Happy Reading!

#fic recs #the spreadsheet digest #fanfiction recommendations #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro fics #pedro pascal character fanfiction #The Mandalorian #din djarin #dave york #joel miller #pero tovar #javier peña

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icanseethefuture333 · 5 months

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hello, I’ve really enjoyed all your readings so far - would you be willing to do something on felix from skz ideal type?

A reading on

Stray Kids' Felix's ideal type:

Qualities:

Channeled song: Love Like You by Rebecca Sugar, from Steven Universe, Let My Baby Stay by Amandla Stenberg, & Just A Taste by Tinashe.

For the qualities that Felix looks for in his ideal partner - he would like someone who is creative, passionate, and nurturing. They could be shy or self conscious, something about them that's a bit anxious. Felix would be willing to learn his partner's love language and assure them that they are the only one they have his eyes on. I had tension in my forehead while shuffling and The Empress card has a ray of colors surrounding the character's head. So Felix could like that his partner is intuitive or psychic, they know when to be tender towards his needs without asking. He would like to feel seen and heard by his partner. I'm envisioning like after work, he would crawl into his partner's arms and just take a nap. Felix could already know who his ideal partner is or is manifesting them, there is a telepathic connection present. There could be some sort of epiphany that will happen when they realize they are in love with each other. I am reminded of Steven and Connie's dynamic from Steven Universe, they were an inseparable duo, it's like their connection seemed divinely guided. Felix could view his ideal partner as a wish fulfillment. They could have qualities of a "starseed".

Personality:

Channeled song: Everything Stays by Olivia Olson, from Adventure Time & Sativa by Jhené Aiko ft Swae Lee.

Felix's partner's personality could be described as a "late bloomer". In their youth, they could have been "nerdy" or "quirky". They were very pure and had gentle mannerisms. Possibly teased for their interests or deemed as weird by other children. They could randomly have flashbacks and feel embarrassed, triggered, or upset about their past / past actions. This could also mean they are mourning the loss of their past. Possibly dealing with mental health issues such as anxiety or trauma. For a while, his ideal partner could have felt stuck in life, and wishing for change, but it never came. They had to learn to change the things they can control and let go of what they cannot control. They are wiser and more balanced within themselves now. Their personality is experiencing a shift. Felix's ideal partner could be described now as peaceful, mellow, rich, abundant, and lucky, but also free spirited and playful. "Green", "earth goddess", Gaia energy 🧝‍♀️🏞🌎? They could be spiritual.

Physical traits:

Channeled song: Two Melodies by Zion.T ft. Crush, Star Signs by Odunsi ft. Runtown, Gold by Jojo, Honey (Medasin redo) by Kucka, & Dreams Are Real by Tinashe (her Amethyst mixtape is signifcant).

A head turner. "A face you will never forget." The type of beauty you will see once but remember forever - mysterious and memorable. Felix's ideal partner could be described as ethereal, siren-like, they have a very dreamy appearance. Their face could be naturally youthful but looks more mature when they put makeup on / dress up for evenings. "Shapeshifter". They could appear or dress differently depending on their mood. Overall, something about them feels delicate with an edge. Felix could praise or talk about his ideal partner very proudly "My girl!". Manic pixie dream girl vibes.

Long dark (black or brown) hair (there is a bend or curl to their hair. Its thick, so wavy to curly hair texture).

Straight or round eyebrows

Pouty facial expression

"Glossy eyes", eyes are dark but shiny. Could look like orbs 👁👁

Eyes that look like they have been crying, so dark circles or puffy tearbags (aegyo sal)

Round or heart shape face (their forehead is the widest part of their face).

Small/short face

"Ears"??? Something about their ears is noticeable. Whether that means they are large, tiny, or pointy. Their ears could be cute.

Wears earrings a lot or their ears are pierced.

Wide or defined shoulders

Decolletage area is attractive (collarbones, chest, breasts, etc)

Long limbs

Long legs / leggy body

On a day to day basis they dress casual, but when they go out they dress very colorful and alternative.

Mostly wears pastels and black.

Spring color season.

Celebrities/influencers who are similar to his ideal type: Bailey Bass (specifically her role as Tsireya), heyeloisa, Maria Isabel, Hanan Ismail, Malaika Firth, Gemma Ward, Aya Jones, Pasabist, sa1ntmarta, Melodie Monrose, Jessica Alexander, Tyla, Mia Goth, lame.cobain, Cindy Kimberly, Joyce Wrice, NingNing, & Amandla Stenberg

#ask #anon #lee felix #stray kids #stray kids tarot #kpop reading #kpop readings #celebrity readings

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inlocusmads · 2 months

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poster child ~ nora rose

For someone who has made it clear she wants to do everything for vengeance, Nora has second thoughts. Also, Buddha is a good listener. (crimes of passion)

wc: 1.2k / warnings: strong language, discussion of depression and self-destruction

a/n: I woke up and chose angst. enjoy <3

The empty room that hosted support group meetings for mental health illness survivors had this portrait of Buddha. It was one from a Buddhist monastery in Western Bali. Supposed to be all all-encompassing, all-nurturing with the smell of incense and talks about finding a balance and everything. Funnily enough, it was built exactly like a crossover between a church and a college classroom. The seats were cold. A podium straight ahead. An instructor to talk, between 9 and 10. One hour to fix all of her grievances in a proper ordered list, as if that were ever that easy.

She had enough battery in her phone to make one phone call. To tell them to pick her up because she’d fled the scene and now it was raining outside.

She didn’t.

“I’m not Buddhist, but -- I am assuming you’re -- someone--” Nora stared at the portrait, averting her eyes away as quickly as possible. “- who probably listens.”

When there aren’t people, your brain sort of configures this perfect audience scenario. To Nora, a perfect audience was no audience. One that didn’t talk over her for starters.

“Anyway, I had these parents, you know -- panicky people with no soul in them, because they just keep giving and giving-- and I want to be able to do that, you know? Give back. Because nobody is going to remember them. Nobody knows Jimmy. Who knows Alison? No, they’d be ‘who the fuck is Alison?’. Nobody.”

Nora took a staggered breath.

Breathe, said the posters around her. Breathe in and out.

“Look, I’m not trying to -- offend you, Buddha, but -- I can’t sit under a tree. My mom died of medical neglect. No. I genuinely thought I could become some sort of a -- medicine person-- a doctor, and just-- do something about it. But no, I was shit at that--”

Nora stopped herself. The blood across her knuckles sent a sharp jolt of pain as she dabbed her spit on the end of her jacket and pressed it against the wound. Her eyes were botchy and it was hard to see properly. The cheeks she saw in the mirror on her way in, were red and at the mere sense of touch, they felt like they could fall apart.

“Anyway, I -- my dad, back before he died, told me to be kind. He said ‘Hey Nora, I know you suck at everything, but do me a favour and be kind for a change’ and -- me with this-- was all a big ‘fuck you’ to him.” - she held up her blood-caked fists as if Buddha could see her. “Because that’s what people say. They say Jimmy was driven by vengeance, he got what he deserved and this was the universe coming back for a second shot at me..”

Nora inhaled a sharp breath of air. The walls seemed to be closing in. Take a brain break! It is okay to ask for help! Just ask! You are not alone! Self-love is the best kind of love there exists! Want someone to talk to? Just phone one of our partners! Love is love is love!

“And so yes, I wanted it to be a ‘fuck you’ to him, because I cannot stand idly by when I never had a childhood. It’s me doing this because there’s probably a kid at home, some thirteen-fourteen years ago, wondering what she did wrong. It’s --”

Mental health help is not a sign of weakness. You’re doing great! You have come this far! You can make it tomorrow!

“-- it’s all I have. The very reason I exist is because I want to get back at the people who wronged me. I have no plans, no ideas, no -- thoughts -- nothing. Just nothing. Mom’s dead. Dad’s dead. Where the fuck do I go? You tell me, Buddha -- don’t you want to destroy your life trying to make sure they get to rest?” - she pointed at the ground, before her arm hung limp.

“And I know that. I know. I have a friend -- Trystan and -- he had this epiphany where he sees the good in people. Even a brother who killed another. He feels for him and it’s this huge -- thing for him, you know, Buddha? Like he gets to show off his enlightenment because he picked a side that allowed him to grieve for the living and the dead. And he wants me to do the same. Stop going on a rampage. It’s funny how nothing changes. Dad’s talking about how you shouldn’t follow him and you do, and you find him dead. Trystan says it isn’t nice to beat the shit out of someone and you do anyway. This is all I have.”

Nora wasn’t good at anything. The one thing she was, and felt proud of herself for, was shutting off her tears entirely. She grieved. Her heart broke. She didn’t cry. She couldn’t afford to.

“I feel like if people get to know me, they are going to leave me. And I can’t have them leaving me, because I need their help to ensure my parents get a send-off. And I need them because they are my only hope of keeping myself --” Nora yanked her bangs, fistful of hair being pulled in, due to sheer agony -- “from-- me..”

She watched as the blood poured out of the crevices of her hands. “Dad would not want this. Mom wouldn’t want this either. And yet, I’m doing this for them, because deep down, I want to believe that if I die tomorrow, knowing they -- died knowing they did what they had to do, I would pull the life support off, myself. Do things on my own accord."

Her hands hovered over her phone. Uncle Tommy’s number came up first. Trystan, the second. Third, fourth, fifth, sixth -- all the way until the very end - Dad’s. Then Mom’s. She had no reason to save those numbers; they didn’t exist anymore. Their sims thrown into the ocean, their phones in a recycling factory somewhere, them erased out of existence and thrown into a birth certificate and then crushed as fine as salt. No heroes’ salute. No bereavement food, just silence.

“I just want them to -- anyone to-- clap my shoulder and say, ‘good job, Nora’ in the last moments of my life. This feels like it. So Buddha, if you can talk, I recommend you start doing that right now. Ha.” Nora swallowed hard. “This feels like the end, because -- I have run-- and talked to imagined audiences all my life that I can’t do this anymore. I can’t go on, hoping and hoping because -- this routine isn’t saving me. I am never going to be someone else. Just that one lonely kid in the class, no boyfriends to talk about, no girlfriends to get side-eyes for- on this fucking Roman crusade because I have nobody and that pisses me off so much, I start thinking if I punch someone really really hard and kill them, I can bring my Dad back and the -- Devil can keep the other poor guy. And I’m scared I’m never going to truly grieve the loss of my childhood, because everyday feels like I have always been that kid. That yearns for approval from dead people.”

The posters were laughing at her.

Nora scrolled through her contacts. She dialed Trystan’s. It switched to hold music.

“Will you recognize me?

Call my name or walk on by

Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling

Down, down, down, down.”

“Shit.”

“your defenses… Vanity and security, ah.”

She clicked her phone off, studying the poster straight above the Buddha.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself!

***

A/N: the song is 'don't you forget about me' by simple minds. I hope you enjoyed this!

The sheer audacity of Nora to discuss death with Buddha is just everything to me. I love her so much.

I'm so glad this is done, lmao. I have been working on this for a solid 3 days. It went from 4k words to 1.2k and I am the happiest I can possibly be.

perma: @quixoticdreamer16 @tessa-liam @stars-are-within-me

crimes: @trappedinfanfiction @ao719 @cassie-thorne @peonierose @moominofthevalley @jerzwriter @thosehallowedhalls

#crimes of passion fics #crimes of passion #trystan x nora #w:inlocusmads #trystan thorne x mc

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bioticbooty · 11 days

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15 questions for 15 friends

Tagged by @pigeontheoneandonly!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?: My birth name, no. My coming out as they gayest fucker without a gender you've ever met, yes, but oddly, after myself??? Because I decided to write a self-insert (SaOS) and writing my birth name felt WRONG (for reasons I didn't understand at the time) so I made a new name that felt "right," examined those feelings over the course of a decade, and when it came time to change my name, I already had one thanks to my weird Mass Effect-loving, fanfiction-writing, stumbling-into-an-epiphany-yet-completely-missing-it self. In other words, I named myself before I knew who I was.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: Saturday, April 6, between 7:30 pm and 9:15 pm, watching Star Trek: Discovery Season 5, episodes 1 and 2

DON'T LOOK AT ME

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?: I have zero offspring and sometimes I feel a way about it and sometimes I don't.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?: Track. And I am also going to include marching band because we walked for MILES with HEAVY INSTRUMENTS wearing SHITTY SHOES THAT ARE DEFINITELY NOT MADE FOR HIKING and WOOL UNIFORMS in the fucking HEAT (and also in the cold, in which case we were stuffing little heat buddies into the toes of our shoes).

I do not play a sport now. But I do go on little mental health walks and occasionally hike a volcano.

DO YOU USE SARCASM?: Not once in my entire life.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?: How they look at other people. Which is such an incredibly autistic thing, but I fucking studied the shit out of how other people communicated with and looked at other people around them in an attempt to understand it myself because I was always missing these cues that everyone else acted as if they were immediately obvious to the point they didn't need to be said. Communication became one of my special interests as a way to understand and survive in social situations.

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR?: Hazel. When I was 17 and on a picnic with a friend I was incredibly gay for (but who was tragically straight), she gazed into my eyes as the sun sparkled around us and said my eyes looked like sunflowers in a meadow.

Naturally, I fucking love sunflowers.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?: Happy endings. Both are good, and scary movies can have happy endings too, but I like soft and kind stories more where people don't have to suffer in order to experience or earn joy.

ANY TALENTS?: Writing (though writing that makes me feel an imposter), cooking, building, and the ability to stand in a room and spatial reason the shit out of it without moving a muscle to come up with the perfect layout.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?: Portland, OR

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?: Writing, reading, painting, home improvement, gardening, photography, rock-hounding, traveling, being a professional asshole.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?: Three cats!

HOW TALL ARE YOU?: 5'6"

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?: I loved history and literature the most at the time.

DREAM JOB?: I don't know. This is a complicated question. I don't like that jobs are tied to our ability to thrive. I like doing a lot of different things, and most of those things at the rate I like to do them are not sustainable for paying my bills. It's hard to divorce "dream job" from the hellscape that is living under late-stage capitalism, where everything we do is monetized and categorized according to how productive we are. In which case, the job I have now as a labor organizer, actively combatting this system, is my dream job. But I wish I didn't have to do it and I wish it didn't exist.

No pressure tags: @cr-noble-writes, @pushingsian, @therev28, @eletaniia, @galtori, @mrsd-writes, @rotschopf-thedrow, @swaps55, and anyone else who feels so inclined

#tag memes #mostly pointless text posts

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cinemaglow · 6 months

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This isn't going to be very coherent I'm sorry. I'm not a Buck-Tick superfan. I very easily *could* be but I've held myself back since I don't really have the time and energy to invest and become voraciously obsessed with a band like when I was younger. I haven't listened to all their albums. I've only watched or read a few translated interviews. Idk why I feel like I have to preface this post like this. I guess it's just weird that this is the most profoundly affected I've been by a musician's death in years, and I don't even have the encyclopedic knowledge that I do for some other musicians to have built a parasocial relationship on. I think it speaks for the depths of the beauty that Sakurai contained, that even while maintaining a respectful distance and just catching a surface level glinpse of his inner life he was so, so compelling. And even though I never learned a lot about his personal life I feel a kinship with him.

There are a few bands that have changed my life, not just in a general sense but in specific, measurable ways. Buck-Tick is one of them. I've had treatment resistant depression for most of my life. In 2020 I was, not as actively suicidal as I have occasionally been, but just so so tired and hopeless. I couldn't imagine a future for myself and I was fully prepared to never get out of bed again until I starved and decomposed. Somebody shared a picture of Sakurai on tumblr. I don't remember who or why or what picture but I thought he was compelling and beautiful and me being always a slut for men with long hair I was like 👀👀👀 and that's what led me to Buck-Tick.

Discovering Buck-Tick in late 2020 convinced me to keep fighting for my life. In fact it was reading the translation of these particular lyrics that literally gave my an epiphany or an internal eucatastrophe, like something fundamentally changed in the workings of my brain and the trajectory of my life made a sharp turn:

Your living heartbeat in this world is ephemeral, but it’s beautiful

The living heartbeat of everything in this world is ephemeral, but even so it shines

Your living heartbeat in this world—there’s nothing sad at all

A person I love can live in this world—there’s nothing sad at all

It's honestly kind of cheesy that something can change your outlook so immediately but I remember distinctly realizing that living depressed and miserable is still being a living person and therefore an expression of the goodness and beauty in the universe. I sobbed. I felt truly glad to be alive for the first time in a long, long time. I posted as much on facebook, so you could actually go back and find the exact date it happened. Anyway. I accepted that even if I never get completely better it's still worth fighting to be a bit better. I started grad school. I've made it alive through a lot of rancid shit associated with grad school. I still feel an underlying current of hope and ?cosmic joy? even when my more immediate mental health takes a nosedive because my fundamental view of the world has changed.

People who are a lot more knowledgeable about Sakurai's personal life than I am are posting about how even though he struggled deeply all his life he always fought to live, to find the beauty inherent in living, and that mindset clearly came through in his words and music, because he transmitted it to me. He was so, so beautiful, his mind, voice, countenance, artistry.....he and the rest of the band gave me a blueprint for aging fabulously when I literally couldn't picture myself being middle aged. I think he did a good job, with everything. I kind of feel the same way now as I did when I found out about a friend's suicide earlier this year. Like, it's all okay for him, on his end. One of my spiritual beliefs is that death is a reward, a well earned rest after engaging in the Sacred Work of living. Even if it's a few decades earlier than expected Sakurai deserves to rest after all he's given and I'm happy for him. It's the rest of us that have lost something. It's like we have one less star in the sky. I kind of had a dream that maybe I could make so stage clothes for him one day but oh well.

I was up for several hours just kind of numb last night after I heard the news so I am going to get something to eat and go back to bed for a bit (being unemployed does come with privileges haha). I'm feeling a lot more at peace now than I was last night. Later on I'm going to take a shower and then paint my nails, which seems like the best thing I can do at the moment to honor him. And I'm going to keep living, and making beautiful gothy clothes, and putting more beauty out into the world and appreciating the beauty that is always there no matter what happens.

#death #celebrity death #long post #sakurai atsushi

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canwriteitbetterthanueverfeltit · 2 months

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am I really having an epiphany and cresting over a mental health mountain or is it just getting warmer and brighter out

#personal

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rexaleph · 7 months

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Ohhhhh my god. I have always been me!!! Throwback style vulnerabilityposting

This severe breakdown started (or became unmanagable) when i tried to quit my job earlier this year and it didnt work out. like last time 10 years ago!!! When i tried to transition and the psych i went to couldnt help me and then etc.

i had one idea for how to fix everything and save myself and when it didnt happen i fell apart!!

And like, im much more functional now. ive done everything i could, made good choices, kept up w work but basically deprioritized it, i took care of myself physically, i reached out, made local friends, tried dating, went to a therapist (they said im outside of their competence and need psychiatry/medication - but i have horrific health anxiety and am very scared of psych drugs), reconnected w my family, stopped drinking, made art, took a trip. Instead of hiding in my room for 4 months while everything slipped away and then attempting suicide like i did at 19. (Also made some insane decisions and spent 1/3 of my savings. But all in trying to help myself!) (I did occasionally think back on back rhen and wonder if what i have now is worse than then, but did not draw conclusions on the situation overall)

And the problem then and now ofc is the need for fixing everything and saving myself, finding life as is unbearable! and all the good mental health moves ive made were targeted towards creating a liveable life but i just kept getting worse. Im basically never not crying w terror these days. And what fixed it then was finding another way towards transition and working towards that (slowly and painfully and terrifiedly!) (years long climb out of the abyss!) (I am maybe not in the abyss rn!) I didnt know how to try again right away!!

Like this morning i was like hm, what if i applied for jobs again. (Bc basically seems like my defence got pushed back again, or actually my boss said sth dumb that suggests he sees me sticking around and doesnt realize im not at my limit, i am beyond it, if im meant to finish my thesis i need at least a month off, maybe a whole sabbatical,maybe psychiatric care) And then had this entire epiphany. And i gotta bring lunch to my grandparents across town and like support and take care of them, then go see my parents, whom ive missed and waited for desperately, and now ofc i am contemplating moves they will uh not approve of lmao. Ive been getting ready to have a breakdown in front of them and like ask for a hug bc we havent touched each other in years, and idk if i need that anymore.

Anyway yeah, what does that do to the terror? Idk.

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kimkaelyn · 4 months

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kaelyn!! i am dropping by with some good music and new year wishes! 🎶🎉 thank you so much for being part of my 2023 🥹 i think you're so sweet!!

if i may ask!! 🥺 (pls feel free not to answer if uncomfy!!) how was 2023 for you? what’s a favourite thing (anything) you discovered this year? do you have any reflections from the past year? any resolutions for the next? 🥹

Oh my gosh, shotorus!!!! 🥹🥹🥹💗💗💗 thank you so much for your kind words. I am glad you were apart of my 2023 as well! Cheers to next year🥂

This is such a great question and it made me pause and think for a good while (I’m typing this out in my notes app lol) I haven’t reflected on my year yet so I’m doing it here.

I apologize for the length lmao.

Warning - mention of trauma (nothing graphic- literally just one line)

My 2023 was an interesting and exciting year, but also one of great challenges. Regardless, I am so proud of my accomplishments this year. I left my teen years behind and entered my twenties! Now I gotta figure out how to be an actual adult LMAO. On that note, I quit my toxic job of almost two years and was unemployed for a good two months until I started working at my current job. I traveled outside of the country for the first time. I spent 3 weeks in July with my Uncle traveling Europe. This trip was the highlight of my year for so so so so many reasons. It was also my first time leaving home and being separated from my parents for a long period of time.

Being away from home wasn’t as bad as I was scared it was going to be—I actually loved it. While on my trip, I learned so much about myself as a person and figured out what I want in life for myself. I actually learned how to think for myself instead of others this year, which is a big deal because I am always so worried about others that I never take the time to take care of myself.

On this trip, I had a lot of epiphanies. My family isn’t perfect—we have our issues like everyone else……but this year I actually started to sit down and start to unpack some of my unresolved childhood trauma. It’s nothing graphic, trust me, but let’s just say that my sister and I only had each other 90% of the time. My sister and I have started to actually talk about our experiences with one another and are slowly coming to terms with it and heal. I am so proud of this. We are making progress that should have started years ago, but it’s not too late. There is hope!

As for resolutions….i want to do better—by myself and others. I want to actually put myself first in some cases and do what’s best for me and my mental health instead of catering to others. Does that make me selfish? I don’t know….

My overall goal is to get accepted into university and get started on my future—on my own two feet and not relying on others, at least for now. I want to be independent for the first time in my life. I’m TERRIFIED, but I know that I will be okay.

I have a great support system—I got all of y’all here, my family, my boyfriend, and my irl friends. I am so thankful to all of you, even if we don’t talk much and only interact by liking each others posts. Meeting my mutuals on here has been a highlight of my year, and I am so happy to go into the New Year with you all. Regardless of if you live nearby or on the other side of the word, I am super thankful to each and everyone of you. I cannot put it into words. I love you all and I pray that you are blessed in 2024

💗🫶🏻✨

#to: kaelyn #from: shotorus-interact #2023 reflections #cheers to the new year🥂✨#cw: trauma

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yourmoonie · 4 months

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pls post more on tumblr ! i used to follow you on twitter. but i deleted it bc it was so limiting and toxic .. love seeing you on here !! loved following your epiphanies i just had to take care of my mental health by getting off of twitter

Thank you so much for loving my content, and yes, I will start being more active on here and post more of my stuff to motivate the tumblr community, too 💕

I hope you are doing well now

I am sending lots of love and positive energy to your direction

#law of allowing #law of assumption #manifestation #manifesting #neville goddard #moonie #tenbinary #your moonie

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mentalisttraceur · 4 months

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My mental health has progressed to the point where I am starting to organically see how/when my Tumblr posting is avoidant/procrastinating.

This is a diagnosis a couple of my friends have been telling me for some time, but initially it seemed really wrong, and then gradually less wrong, but now it finally tipped over into me just organically seeing it as such - seeing the moment of avoidant choice to move towards blogging instead of something harder.

A large part of what was hard about seeing it that way is that the internality is never "oh I really don't want to do this negative thing, guess I'll do Tumblr". The actual experience is of movement towards a positive. It's just... the easier thing to do.

And it's not always avoidant. That was an important blocker in seeing it that way. Because a decent amount of the time the blogging wasn't taking time from anything else that I needed to do or that was hard but aligned with my goals.

But sometimes, a decent amount of the time even, I turn to blogging after or during procrastinating on some harder thing for me to get motivated about. For me, this is the easy (or at least easier) and (more efficiently) rewarding stuff. Catch yet another introspection moment, write it out. Pull one of the epiphanies that has been cooking into words out of my head. Any time I either don't have a clear enough mental path to "pounce" on it and start executing, or it's emotionally difficult. Or I wake up from a bad dream or find myself in a difficult-to-sit-in emotion, and I relieve that by pulling up my Tumblr notes, which turns into checking out someone's blog, which turns into more ideas for reblog replies or independent posts.

Anyway, today I finally caught that full transition with introspection as it happened. So that was a nice step on the way to fixing it (but not today!).

#mentalisttraceur meta

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alectology-archive · 1 year

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chapters 21, 22, 23, 30, 31, 32 partly:

Only three nights before, she had married Bael, in a ceremony that made her his wife and first-sister to his other wife, Dorindha. That part had been just as important as the marriage, apparently;

yeah, sentences like this make me think RJ really wanted to write poly relationships but was too enamoured with his kinks and obsessed with heterosexual relationships to do so. I’m fascinated, though, by his choice to make women choose other women as the most important people in their lives over even their love interests - min is the rare exception to this rule.

“Well, just you remember it. It was not your fault.” She heeled Mist on, and began talking to Aviendha before she was out of earshot. “I am glad he is taking it so well. He has the habit of feeling guilty over things he cannot control.”

once again, egwene Gets rand! and she cares so much! people who dislike egwene are fully delusional and probably base their dislike for her off of her characterisation in sanderson’s books. again, I feel the need to mention that egwene only ever admonishes rand in private in RJ’s books - and not even in front of moiraine! - but publicly insults him in front of world leaders in the sanderson books. plus rand undermines egwene’s authority and makes her look powerless in book 13 by walking into the white tower and demanding promises without offering any explanations. lol, sanderson has a tendency to write from a place of “Does this sound cool?” rather than “Is this a politically or logically sound action?”

ohhh and while we’re still on the topic of sanderson and bad characterisations and egwene telling rand that rand that it wasn’t his fault that the shaido ravaged Taien - rand makes a fucking point about trying to save as many people as he can! and blames himself for not achieving everything he sets his mind to in order to save people! part of the reason his mental health worsens as the books progress is because he can’t protect everybody around him despite trying his best to do so - this holds true at least up to book 11, if not book 12, and nothing really happens in book 12 to warrant a change on that note. so the fact that sanderson makes rand monologue something stupid about how he’d stopped caring for the people around him during his dragonmount epiphany infuriates me to no end. I just generally hate any of the new character flaws he introduces for all the characters. who asked him to do that 😵‍💫

[Rand to Aviendha] “Did you ever for one minute think that it could have bitten you?” he said. “Did you ever think of using the Power instead of a bloody belt knife? Why didn’t you kiss it first? You had to be close enough.”

they’re both so funny. yeah, avi and rand are also a similar kind of stupid, lol.

avi feeding rand the meat of a poisonous snake she killed is unironically the height of romance actually. and rand doesn’t complain, so I’m proud of him. anyway, I love her. have I mentioned that I love avi?

Aviendha sniffed at him in perfect imitation of Egwene. Those two women were definitely spending too much time together.

aw, avi is copying egwene’s mannerisms! back in chapter 5 she was also appreciating egwene and telling her that she was very good at everything she did <3 in chapter 22, we also have egwene stepping in to calm her down after rand yells at avi for nearly hurting him in the process of trying to kill a draghkar.

Aviendha appeared disappointed that he did not spit the stew out in disgust, though sometimes it was difficult to tell what she was feeling. At times she seemed to take great pleasure in discomfiting him.

sort of mat vibes from this, again! I think avi and mat could have been best friends if they’d tried. I’m honestly kind of shocked that we don’t see more of mat and the maidens being buddies except when he’s trying to catch their interest - because men and women can’t be friends, of course.

“You are thinking of Mat Cauthon?” She actually giggled. “Sometimes, a man gives up the spear for a Maiden.”

once again, weird mat gender moments! only maidens giving up the spear is really a thing in the books.

… he dreamed a dream of Min and Elayne helping him throw Aviendha, wearing nothing but that necklace, over his shoulder, while she beat him over the head with a wreath of segade blossoms.

wearing nothing but the necklace EGWENE gave avi? rand doesn’t know that egwene gave it but. anyway. more rand/egwene soulmatism, I guess.

Nothing after Artur Paendrag Tanreall, and nothing before Maecine of Eharon.

hello! mat’s memories have a specific limit apparently. but don’t the finn grant him memories of everybody who’s ever entered the redstone doorway? a bunch of rulers from mayene were using it pretty recently, I think? I need to look up the wiki later.

[Mat] He supposed that he would marry someday, settle down. That was what you did. A woman, a house, a family. Shackled to one spot for the rest of his life.

this is definitely another one of those mat things that are usually discussed in reference to female characters more often. and again, I vibe with the idea of him being allowed to be single - I think he has a lot of romantic tension with practically every character he interacts with, but I personally really relate to him saying he’s not interested in marriage. plus he just sounds so despondent about the prospect? I’m sad! very mat is repressed vibes too, because he specifically makes a note to mention disliking the thought of the two rivers having a lot of expectations about marriage, family etc.

“You are not made for spits, but for great honor, I think,” Melindhra said softly.

lol, melindhra and lanfear both try to get mat to step out of rand’s shadow and reach for honour/glory! and they both fail! I love mat. your faves want what mat has with rand - the narrative keeps goading him to become demandred 2.0 but mat consistently refuses to do so and manages to defy the narrative and some sort of potentially darker fate at least in that little way even if the prophecies mostly knock him down a bunch in the books.

It was being near Rand that got Mat into these things. All he wanted from life was some good wine, a game of dice, and a pretty girl or three.

hello??? three girls?? put him in rand’s polycule! again, mat is very repressed and in denial about his feelings.

once again poly vibes from melaine, dorindha and bael! the wise ones are betting on whether melaine will check on dorindha or bael first after the shadowspawn attack on the camp.

rand is wondering why moiraine didn’t come to find him immediately after the alarms went off - I’m guessing it’s because she saw a future in the rhuidean ter’angreal that said it wouldn’t be a good thing to do so.

rand is also showing a lot of restraint and being courteous! he’s not abusing the power he has over moiraine now - he briefly considers forcing her to tell him why she didn’t appear immediately but decides he won’t do something like that to somebody trying to help him. I think this is the section where rand is learning to find a balance - he’s come into a lot of power and is consciously preventing himself from abusing it.

This time he dreamed of Aviendha hurling fire, only she was not hurling it at a Draghkar, and Sammael was sitting at her side, laughing.

rand has the weirdest dreams about aviendha. what am I supposed to make of this.

I can’t shake off the feeling that avi would enjoy femininity if not for the way the wise ones sort of force her to adopt it? she genuinely enjoys exploring wearing wetlander clothes when she and elayne try to teach one another other about their respective customs. I just really dislike the line where sorilea tells avi that she has hips made for making babies - leave her alone. as a concept, I love the wise ones but I’m also irritated by their matchmaking and babymaking agenda.

avi and rand also do have a bunch in common - they’re forcibly expected to channel and are pushed into radically different lives from the ones they’ve been leading prior to rhuidean/rand finding out that he’s the dragon reborn.

[Egwene about Rand announcing he’ll hang chiefs who violate his rules about not hurting Cairhienin] Justice would do him no good if he found the others [the chiefs] turning against him as well as the Shaido.

see! she gets him!

He could waste an hour being soothed by the flow of a river.

Rand is so right.

When he doesn’t see familiar faces amongst the maidens who usually guard him, rand is constantly asking other maidens if they’re sick - it happened with joinde in rhuidean, and he’s now once again asking after adelin and enaila! I love this relationship sooo much.

Sitting on the stone rail of the wide flat bridge in the heart of the town,

area man sits weird again!

Elayne would have known what taxes were used for; it had certainly been more fun taking advice from her than from Moiraine.

I’m. I guess I agree about the principle of the thing I suppose, lol 😭

edit: help, this is also the book where we learn that two rivers folk are tax evaders! RJ is fully clowning on rand here, lol.

[Rand to Aviendha] “Do you have any idea how I will miss hearing you breathe at night?”

romance <3

He watched Asmodean from the corner of his eye, but the man only sat there, looking slightly ill. He could not know whether Rand meant to stuff that spear down his throat.

do I even need to say it?

ah, yeah, I did remember a weirdly specific fact correctly! avi accidentally taught rand the lesson of ~being hard~ when she told him he should have been harsher with the seanchan they dealt with. his demeanour completely shifts after that one exchange and he becomes noticeably colder - he’s a lot harsher with asmodean after this. insert tumblr post *having plot relevant sex with my thematically appropriate wife* (quite literally!)

And I’m only skimming chapter 41 but… there is so much going on in this quote. so much:

[Rand] He thought he could have been friends with any of the four, but especially Mangin, who had a sense of humor much like Mat’s. If he had no time to study women, he certainly had no time for making new friends. Little time for old friends, for that matter. Mat worried him.

I mentioned that a lot of mat’s personality was moulded as a direct consequence of being rand’s friend, but this is a lot! 1. rand loves mat’s sense of humour 2. rand makes friends based on that blueprint! hello, I’m crying. what does it MEAN that rand hangs mangin in LOC? is there some hidden symbolism there about how he’s left his boyhood behind? the hanging parallels are making me insane. does it imply that rand accidentally forces mat through a traumatic arc from books 7-9 the same way he can’t help but kill mangin for violating one of his laws? I will not be normal about this. local girl has been found dead on the streets!!!!!!!!

(I honestly skimmed everything from chapter 30 onward, I think, so there really was not much to say in this post - I never intended to really read much past rand arriving at eianrod, at most)

But I’ve officially finished rereading the parts I wanted to! I’d fully forgotten how the characters sounded in my head and I mostly wanted to go back and immerse myself in RJ’s writing style because I was not in a happy place after reading sanderson’s style in AMOL (literally to the point where I was wondering if I actually liked reading the series, lol). I think I managed to like TGS way better than I did the other sequels - but it kind of feels like TGS might have still been a mostly enjoyable read because he was piggybacking off of iconic plotlines that RJ had already set up and left notes for - but I’m consciously going to shut up about AMOL now. I only accept book 12 as canon at most anyway, lol, idk why I waste my energy yelling about the last two books at this point.

#mat repressionposting #this is a rand and egwene appreciation post #aelia reads wheel of time #aelia reads the fires of heaven #wheel of time #wot book spoilers #rand repressionposting #the rand/mat agenda only

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