#I can say this I’m guilty of it too

[1moreff-creator]

im in a Very Normal situation where im speedruning understanding lore so i can know whether i should vote for or against the psychological torture (i think that’s what it is) of a traumatized 12 year old girl.

(this is about milgram FBI don’t @ me)

#yeah i’m getting into it #it’s popped up in my dash too many times now #looks interesting #and kinda intimidating #those are some long ass posts i’m seeing #i’m innoing btw #even though i lack critical info #i’ve seen some other people say it’s the best idea #and you know umbrella=baton=murder weapon-> #amane kills to protect herselsef-> #if we vote guilty she may feel threatened and do something bad #that’s the most solid thing i can take from what i have #might make an uninformed analysis on purge march later though i have thoughts #inane ramblings

[eyesopentv]

weird identity post warning

i’m a trans man who thought i was a lesbian for a long time and i figured it out eventually but when i did i was really hesitant to let go of the label bc i had found so much community through it. i’d found people who understood me, queer shows and movies, and music that i resonated with. and even though it’s not for me anymore, i still feel very connected to that, especially the music, but i also often feel like i’m not allowed to enjoy it or that i’m intruding on something that is only for wlw, or even just women in general. and i can always understand and connect with it because of my experience before i transitioned but when i engage with certain media, especially in public, it still looks and feels like i’m intruding or trying to make it about me. i feel kind of stuck sometimes- like i’m trying to step away from things that were not made for me, but by doing that there isn’t much that i can connect with. everything made for men is never for all men, it’s for cis men. everything for trans men is either kalvin garrah-fied or cavetown and there’s hardly ever an in between. don’t get me wrong, i enjoy cavetown, but i want something outside of that. anyways. there’s no resolution to this, i don’t have a solution or whatever, i just wanted to say it and see if anyone resonates

#miles thots #i’ve actually been wanting to say it for a long time i just couldn’t find the words #and i don’t think that this perfectly encapsulates what i feel but it’s the best i can do #this came up today bc i’ve been really enjoying boygenius but again- it’s not for me #and i feel really guilty taking up that space #and the guilt has been coming up a lot more recently with more people saying ‘this is for the girlies’ or ‘only girls will understand’ and- #just the whole ‘girl’ language in general especially as a swiftie. like ‘taylor swift girlies’ and i’m just some dude who happened to be a #girl when i started listening to her and now am not but i still love her and her music but i feel like i’m not allowed to or i’m taking spac #from a woman who Actually belongs here #and then the barbie movie and i’m like- i get it i really do but i’m a man so i shouldn’t get it #idk!! #wait fuck this applies to tattoos too with my lavender plant and small tattoos and i feel like i’m not being a man the right way or like i’m #trying to be like women but i swear i’m not- i just happen to share experiences with them and therefore interests

[the-casbah-way]

grabs my computer screen and starts shaking it how to cure gender dysphoria HOW TO CURE GENDER DYSPHORIA

#kidding theres no way to fix it when it’s like this #everything i’d normally do to alleviate it makes it worse when it’s this bad #because it’s like wow look at you trying so embarrassingly hard to not look disgusting and failing miserably #i had to cancel my plans yesterday and today because girl i can’t go outside when i feel like this i can’t even get out of bed #looking at myself makes me want to VOMIT why do i look like this #i look back on old pictures of myself and try to work out what was different back then so i can replicate it #but people say i look exactly the same in those photos as i do now #and i remember taking those old photos and feeling ugly and dysphoric back then too #if i lean back into my more cis look i’ll get gendered correctly again which i want #but i don’t like playing cis man it’s not who i am and it makes me feel weird and gross #i just hate what i look like no matter what i do to my appearance #every single part of my physical self makes me feel really ill and anxious and bad and guilty #there’s not a single bit of me i can stand to look at when i feel like this #i feel like everyone who has ever seen me thinks i’m disgusting and ugly and horrible to look at #and i want to like hide forever but i can’t #it’s so hard to function like this #i hate everything about me so much #someone affirm my stupid dumb ass gender right fucking now i’m going to die

[chibishortdeath]

So much happening in the world and in my personal life at once and I am completely unable to do anything about any of it. I am completely exhausted. I need to move out, but I can’t.

I’ve been stuck with a headache for a few months.

#text post #vent post #tw vent #cw vent #I’d say delete later but I don’t ever actually do that anyway #maybe I should go through vents and delete them Al #tbh I’m starting to realize that maybe never being allowed to do anything and never being taught how to do anything as a kid was neglect #it probably also wasn’t normal that I tried to be the ‘easy kid’ and avoid any perceived trouble as much as physically possible #I usually just sit in the furthest part of the house dissociate and try to immediately appear fine if anyone walks in and sees me #idk maybe I should just make that super self indulgent Simon’s Quest comic since it’ll probably be practically vent art anyway #he’s a little bit too relatable for comfort #and man I didn’t even fight Dracula to end up messed up how lame smh 😔 #I feel like I would just end up feeling guilty that I’m not doing something else more important though #most of the things I can do right now I can’t without guilt that stops me somewhere through #and that includes trying to rest haha yippie :/ #I can’t even draw the blorbo dead about it like it’s past that level of bad #I guess I shouldn’t even suggest doing anything I can’t do too #I don’t even wanna look at my instagram rn I can’t fix any of that either #idk if I should go into any details or not but I literally just can’t change anything #and I know I can’t get better unless I leave but I can’t leave and there’s nowhere to go #even places online are starting to become uninhabitable #we truly live in a time :/ #I’m just typing anything I think of as I think of it #tldr ​I am a terrible person who can’t get better because I’m stuck in a terrible situation and everything sucks basically #i’m exhausted #i feel so trapped #it feels like I have no autonomy or effect on the world at all #ugh I’m not explaining anything correctly enough anyway #I guess supper is almost ready and I should stop ranting at nothing #I’m basically just here to try to make it to 29 at least for the silly Simon game reference haha that is so pathetic

[neogotmyblack]

Clearing my drafts bc over the past year I felt a twinge of the chance to offer folks an out or a grace period, so to speak, to get themselves together, but after due consideration I shouldn’t have to hunt, scroll, check and follow up to see if someone un-racists themselves tbh. I may go back and see if they redeemed themselves when addressed and if I see they did, I’ll qrb my own post and say as such, but I’m not a detective. As such, I’ll also not go back to see how active someone is or isn’t anymore.

If I see the thing happened at any point, I’m posting it which will explain the flurry of posts suddenly this morning that were released from my drafts and a potential barrage of posts I may make later. That includes things from over years that I’ll transfer from my notepad, bc originally I started keeping the screencaps and names there & once I started posting here, I paused posting old ones in favor of the most recent transgressions as they happened. Maybe the writers acct is still up, maybe it isn’t; dc. I’m keeping the names on my notepad with a note but all pic evidence will go here with their @ as well bc i don’t see why I should have it taking space on my phone 🤷🏾‍♀️ Maybe the screen-cap is 3 years old, maybe they don’t even have tumblr anymore, iDC. Maybe I’ll use queue, maybe I won’t.

☼༄I always keep track of changed usernames or extra accts of that person that may pop up in my reading while perusing the tags & they note it in their bio or w/e in my phone too so there’s a paper trail (so to speak) so obviously I’ll be adding that lol

#writing UN-network #black girl problems #inclusion is a choice #fanfiction pet peeves #fanfiction problems #social media au posts can be done inclusively too *if you try* #fandom politics #make the effort or don’t be bothered when someone holds it against you 🤷🏾‍♀️ #if someone happens upon this post who are listed as a guilty party #if you want redemption instead of telling me i’m disheartening you and being self centered about racist tendencies you found out you have #don’t be mad at me #be mad at yourself baby #we don’t owe dainty polite requests with 🥺☹️ in them reminding people to be considerate #it’s not our job to teach anyone how to respect the same as other ones #and i’m starting most recent non uploads to farthest ago #I’ll notate that it’s old though. like maybe put the year the pic is from since everything else is already current #i don’t search my name so your sub posts won’t reach me #just apologize to black readers say that you’ll do better #don’t msg me unless it’s a “sorry I see what you mean and I fixed it” bc if it’s just a complaint I’ll ignore it #( #the same way that y’all ignore us constantly telling u or others that y’all be fucking up #🤗 #)

[saetoru]

i feel bad going to artists with reference photos of desi wedding dresses for comms bc they’re so detailed it seems like a pain to draw so i feel guilty but like 😭 idk my guy

#i sent it the other day but they take a bit to reply so i haven’t gotten an answer yet #but i’m like 🥹 what if they yell at me in their head like #omg this dress is such a pain to draw #which i honestly shouldn’t feel that way bc a) im paying for it and they can just politely decline if they’re not up for it #and b) i shouldn’t feel guilty over my culture #BUT LIKE #idk if i had to color that many details i would be like #jeez this is a lot #SO I FEEL BAD #but also i won’t be hurt if they say aw sorry that’s a bit too detailed for me #BUT I FEEL LIKE AN ASSHOLE ASKING IN YHE FIRST PLACE #but i shouldn’t #IDK BRO IM HEAVY OVERTHINKING THIS

[bo0zey]

every time my dad yells even if he’s just “raising” his voice to call one of my brothers over to him i flinch and my heart rate speeds up n my stomach drops n churns n i feel sick n if i think abt it too much like i am now my eyes sting just slightly like something inside me wants to cry from fear even tho i’m many many feet away safe inside my room alone w the door shut i still feel so so unsafe and it takes many many minutes and moments for me to calm down again i really hate this reaction i’m 22 years old why am i still responding like this trigger as if i’m a child i’m an adult he can’t yell at me anymore in fact he’s not even yelling AT me he’s yelling at someone else but still i jump n i feel my pulse pounding in my ears n temples i wish i would just stop being such a baby i wish i was stronger i don’t want to be afraid of people anymore

#‘im not yelling i raised my voice’ that’s what i heard my entire childhood growing up he even said it to me a few weeks ago when we #got into a heated argument and he kept pushing and pushing me and trying to gaslight and manipulate me and accusing me and i remember #thinking just before i snapped ‘im not a little girl anymore i can yell back’ and so i did and we yelled back and forth a few exchanges #until HE started to backdown a little like did he realize too that i’m an adult now and if he wants to scream and yell i can too??? #we were outside im sure all our neighbors could hear us i was embarrassed but seething #if he wasn’t gonna be embarrassed then i wouldn’t either #sometimes i am so disgusted by my father and the way he treats the people he claims to love he makes me so angry and disgusted #but then he has this hold on me??? as soon as he starts to cry/get choked up then immediately all my rage n disgust seep out of my body #from the core of my heart to the tips of my fingers those emotions bleed out of me and dissipate into the air and i’m left feeling guilty #instant guilt and for WHAT???? for making HIM upset???? after all the times he’s made me breakdown and hurt myself bc no one would comfortme #and still yet everytime i feel the need to comfort him and downplay my emotions and i KNOW he’s manipulating me it’s so OBVIOUS but i #i fucking Can’t Not protect him i can’t let him sit there in that hurt guilt shame WHATever it is #and the reason i’m torn and feel like this is bc i genuinely think he believes what he’s saying and isn’t purposely TRYING to manipulate me #but he doesn’t realize how MANIPULATIVE and SELFISH he truly is he’s Delusional and has ZERO emotional intelligence 000000000000000000000000 #so how can i be angry when i know he doesn’t understand he’s just too stupid to understand he’s like a child the child doesn’t understand #they don’t understand complex emotions #i don’t understand why daddy makes me cry and stares at me with cold enraged eyes but when he cries i fold everytime #it’s so gross of me how weak i am disgusting who could ever love someone so pathetic #ramblings #tw childhood trauma #tw trauma

[internetaddict104]

Johnny Depp is not perfect. Amber Heard is not perfect. They are both flawed individuals, and this case showed it all.

I know I’m very biased in this case, but even if I wasn’t, I’d still think Amber’s side was fishy.

In her testimony alone, she contradicted herself at least twice. Her sister Whitney’s testimony contradicted hers as well. Io Tillet Wright’s testimony contradicted her. In his testimony specifically I recall him saying that Amber did not do drugs; she stayed far away from them and would never take any. But in Amber’s own testimony, as well as Rocky Pennington’s (whose deposition was played right before Io’s), she mentions that she has done drugs before, specifically cocaine.

No matter whose side you’re on in this case, you have to admit that someone is lying here. Amber either did cocaine or she didn’t (but by her own admission, she did).

A handful of her evidence was proven to be fake. There’s proof she never donated her divorce settlement to the hospital or ACLU, even though she claims she donated the entire $7 million to them. Two of her pictures that document her claims of abuse were analyzed and proven to be doctored.

Also, and I admit this is probably petty, but how is a few photos of Johnny sleeping (regardless of what caused him to fall asleep- drugs, alcohol, etc.) evidence that he was abusive and constantly drunk or high? There’s literally no reason for those photos to be evidence, they don’t show anything.

I’m trying not to come across as biased in this, even though I do have one, so I’m just trying to state facts. It’s a fact that Amber’s and her witnesses’ testimonies contradict each other. It’s a fact that Amber herself lied on the stand. It’s a fact that Amber did not donate her divorce settlement to UCLA and a children’s hospital, even though she says she did. Regardless of abuse, these things happened, you cannot deny them. Support her all you want (though I am disgusted at this choice, but again, it’s your choice and you can do whatever you want), but you cannot deny certain bad things about her. Just like Johnny supporters cannot deny that he’s done bad things. And I know Amber supporters are disgusted at Johnny supporters for supporting him. Be mad about it, fine, but at least be mad over something that’s real. Don’t blindly support Amber and say antis are lying about things that actually have happened (with proof they happened).

#ant blogs #I’m seeing way too much support for her on this site #it’s fucking disgusting to me that anyone can support her #but whatever #I don’t even have all the words I want to say I truly am baffled and disgusted #justice for johnny depp #johnny depp #amber heard #amber heard is an abuser #amber heard is trash #amber heard is guilty #amber heard is a liar

[arthur-r]

tonight is my last night sleeping in my bed. possibly for the rest of my life. and my last time in my room possibly for the rest of my life. and i want to just get a good night’s sleep to be ready for a long day tomorrow but it’s really not working out like that.

#my family is still up in the air maybe selling this house within the next month #in which case i will never be in this room ever again. otherwise i will be back for the holidays so there’s still a month of this bedroom #if we sell the house in the spring instead (only rational option there’s no way we can empty it in time) #especially since i will not be in this house whatsoever until after that sell date. my mom all by herself can’t empty it all #anyway i’m struggling a bit. saying goodbye to my home of 14 years???? #i’ve been through a lot in this place and most of it is bad memories but like. every good memory i have is from here too…. #and everyone i know irl is staying local i’m the only one who’s leaving. one irl friend is going to the same school as me but we had a fight #within the past month and i don’t think we’re ever going to recover because she just kind of never treated me like a person #so i’m starting from scratch and it’s really.. like fuck i want to get out of here but i’m also not at all ready to actually leave #i’m just going to miss all the stupid little things so much. even my online memories are tied to this place #like the woods down the street where my deer friends live and the ditch i fell into back in the day and all the places i’ve gotten lost #and they’ll be right here waiting for me and i’m SO excited for college i am but why does it have to feel so sudden???? #i dont know how anyone does it.. and all my friends are going to colleges in their hometown so i don’t even have anyone to compare with #i found out today that if we keep the house through the winter my mom is planning on using my room as a guest room and office. and of course #that makes sense and everything but now i have the most crushing guilt for not cleaning it up well enough. i thought it would be okay and #i’d just have to deal with it when i come back and i didn’t know she wanted to use it and she’s going to box up all of my things without me #and i feel guilty that i didn’t do that and i feel scared and upset because it’s my things and my room i don’t want it to change #i’m just really anxious and sad and scared and i don’t know what to do. school is going to be good but none of this feels real or normal #and i just feel sick and scared and i don’t know what to do. waking up at 8am and leaving at 9am and moving in at 2pm and that will be it #my mom and sister are staying for a couple days and that will be good i hope. i dont know i feel so conflicted about everything #and i’m tired and sick and angry and overwhelmed and i just want to take a week off and come back alive again #and i guess that’s what i’m about to do.. after i move in there’s eight days before college starts and all i’ll be doing is moving in #(and welcome week activities. and a lot of sleeping. but hopefully i’m gonna get a rollator through a loan program and that will help a lot) #anyway here’s what’s going on. i’m going to maybe try to sleep i guess. but if anyone has advice or encouragement about moving to college.. #now is the time i really need it. it’s just so strange and conflicted and everyone i know has been telling me i just need to get out of here #and myself included i really want to get out of here. but how can i start anew when everyone i’ve loved is shattered. and what have you #think i have to listen to that song for long enough to remember how badly i want to leave…. #i’m just really not feeling well. i’m angry that i never got to have the childhood i deserved #because now i’m leaving and that means it’s officially over…. i’m just really not feeling well. i think i’m running out of tags…. #i hope you all are well. i’ll be around in the morning maybe.. i’m not sure. hope everyone has a good night

[designernishiki]

I feel like whatever was going on with majima/mirei/katsuya in the early 90s was some sort of complicated bisexual love triangle situation. like majima is majima and katsuya’s handsome and eloquent and absolutely doesn’t seem straight to me, but on top of that it feels like there was some sort of confusing tension between katsuya and mirei, not sure if it was romantic or one-sided or what but. SOMETHING. I don’t know what the hell was going on with those three really but no way in hell do I believe the romantic/sexual/??? depth ends with majima and mirei

#katsuya is HANDSOME and CHARMING and ELOQUENT. I just KNOW at least one of them was into him. probably both #one way I’m imagining it could’ve went is like #katsuya introduces majima and mirei to one another and mirei crushes on him pretty quick (because she is 19 and quick to do so) #majima doesn’t really particularly have an interest in her- not cause she’s unattractive or anything probably mostly because she’s almost a #because she’s almost a decade younger than him and barely legal. but at some point she confides in katsuya about her feelings for him and #katsuya being the sweet and honorable kinda dude he is acts as a wingman and tries to get majima to go out with her #and eventually majima relents because he doesn’t want to end up admitting to katsuya that he actually had a thing for KATSUYA #and by playing wingman for his good friend mirei majima takes it as him being uninterested and thus doesn’t shoot his shot and yeah #katsuya’s hard to say no to and hey I mean maybe mirei- a civilian- will make his life more capable of Normalcy #she’s conventionally attractive and is a decent enough friend- albeit he didn’t really know what she was like as a person before she was #crushing on him and also. again. she’s 19 and an idol. so inevitably her identity in general is NOT solid yet #almost as if rebounding off a relationship he never even Got- things move insanely quickly with mirei and they’re married in less than a #year. the whole time katsuya is there cheering them on- he’s smart and I think he’d see the red flags when it comes to their ages and #maturity at least but I think that’d become more apparent over time and he’d start to have regrets but #it’s way too late for that. especially when she comes to him bawling her eyes out because she’s found out she’s pregnant and she has no #idea what to do. both for her career and because she’s literally barely an adult she doesn’t want a child at that point but obviously she #knows she’ll feel guilty and- more than that- deep shame for terminating. she’s insightful even at that age and also maybe can read majima #well enough to know that he might take her abortion as a sign for him to book it to no longer cause her anymore issues. katsuya reassures #her cause what else is he gonna do. but of course she’s right and his commitment issues kick in big time and yeah. over the years katsuya’s #the in-between still close with both of them. specifically he’s closer with mirei and they trust one another a lot more than majima with #either of them- just because majima’s Like That and his trust issues create distance easily. nonetheless at some point majima asks him if #he’s been single for so long because he was hung up on mirei and apologizes if he got in the way of them and that leads into some really #long overdue admissions and likely hooking up. but of course majima is STILL majima and again kinda books it because feelings are #inconvenient and their time for something like a relationship has passed (or something like that). #mirei often wonders if things would’ve been better if she’d have ended up with katsuya instead but similar to majima she’s career-focused #now and just wants to value him as a friend regardless of any lingering potential feelings. majima ends up falling hard for kiryu #sooner than later and life just moves on from any romanticism beteeen the three of them- a nostalgic closeness lingers instead #rambling #that was. a lot.

[chiefguideandcentre]

I hate when my mother makes her little remarks when it comes to grandkids. My parents have 3 kids and we are all somewhere in our 30s and none of us have kids yet and (unfortunately for my parents) only one of us wants kids. My older sister doesn’t want them and has said that since she could talk, so she was ruled out for grandkids long ago. That leaves my older brother and me. he wants kids, just got married and will be having them within the next year or two. I don’t want kids, I don’t like them, don’t want them. I’ve said that, but I think my moms still convinced that I will change my mind. I won’t. So lately (ever since her twin sister became a grandmother 3 years ago) she’s been making little remarks about her lack of grandchildren. Twin sister says something about loving her grandchildren and my mother will just whip out, “oh, it must be nice” all while side eyeing me. Or when talking about herself and my dad “we got screwed”. And just mean little remarks of that nature meant to guilt trip all the time. Like I’m sorry you have 3 children and only one wants kids of their own. I know you feel like you are running out of time to be a grandparent. I know you are at that age blah blah blah. But I don’t have a responsibility to give you grandkids. Did you have children specifically so you could have grandchildren one day? No. Was I put on this earth strictly to have children? No. Yes, I know you would make great grandparents but this is not my problem. I don’t owe you fucking kids. I hate kids. They scream and cry and they are gross and I do not want them. I’m tired of the guilt tripping. Like you still have my brother who will give you 2 or 3 probably, like is that not enough? How many damn grandkids do you need to have? Will 2 or 3 not occupy you? I’m not permanently changing my body and my entire life and going through the torture that is childbirth all for something I don’t even want just so you can have some kids to play with for an hour every once in awhile and then I’m stuck with them for the rest of the time. I know I’m not suited for motherhood and I’m doing the potential children of mine a favor by not having them in the first place bc I will just be resentful. I’m not trapping myself in a situation that I ultimately do not want. I mean am I sometimes like “well it might not be so bad, it’s probably nice having children to love and watch grow”, yes I think that sometimes, but I don’t want it enough. And I hate being made to feel guilty for it. And you aren’t screwed either! My older brother will give you grandchildren, not right this damn second no, but in a year or two. Why is that not good enough? I’m sorry were we all supposed to be married with multiple children before hitting 30? I didn’t get the memo, sorry that didn’t pan out, but children aren’t a requirement for my existence.

#I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for not wanting kids #I don’t think I ever did but I never said anything when I was younger bc I thought I wasn’t allowed too #like that’s not something a girl can say #but I’m saying it now and she’s just like oh you don’t know that for sure #like yes I do #I’m in my damn 30s if I wanted kids I would have made it happen by now #I don’t want to be stuck with kids 24/7 for the rest of my life #I don’t want to take care of kids #I don’t want to pay for kids #I don’t want to teach kids things #I don’t want to watch them make mistakes #i don’t want to have to worry about them #this world sucks major ass right now and I don’t want to bring innocent children into it #bc they are going to be the ones cleaning up our mess #in my mind there are more negatives than positives when it comes to having kids #yes it’s unfair you still don’t have grandkids bc you would be great grandparents #they truly would #but it’s also u fair to guilt trip me for not having kids #you wanted children you wanted to be a mother-I can’t say the same #oh but god forbid if I say I don’t want them suddenly I’m the bad guy #I’ve done them so wrong how dare I

[marshmellowtea]

“minorities should not be expected to coddle their oppressors”, “people often get angry and exhausted from having to answer the same questions over and over again”, and “minorities are allowed to be angry about their oppression” AND “you shouldn’t be overly nasty to people who are genuinely trying to ask questions about things they don’t understand”, “privilege can blind people to experiences that may seem obvious to you so sometimes well meaning people are going to ask questions you think are stupid or obvious”, and “people tend not to want to listen to people who they feel are shouting at them for no reason” are all true statements and yet trying to take all of them into account feels like an impossible balancing act most of the time

#discourse #marshy speaks #i try my best not to discredit information based solely on the tone it’s given in #especially about things i know people have strong feelings about like their own experiences and oppression #but i also. don’t really feel compelled to share things that are presented in an overly cruel or guilt trippy way #i understand the urge to snap at people especially when we’re all exhausted and angry and scared but still. idk. a little compassion goes a #long way sometimes #ik i’ve been guilty of this myself though so i can’t be too harsh on other people hfhvdhvsf #also me saying we should be kinder on good faith askers doesn’t mean we have to be kind to people who aren’t genuinely trying to learn #i think you can tell those people to fuck off all you want #but i also think that you shouldn’t immediately come out swinging if this person isn’t obviously a troll at first #believe it or not you actually do have to be nice to people #i know people say that good faith askers aren’t actually good faith if they put your tone above the thing you’re actually saying #and while i think that’s true to some degree i also think there’s only so much of being shouted at a person can take before THEY get tired #and angry #idk it’s 8am and i’m thinking about things