#I cannot afford a therapist

[sherlock-is-ace]

the imposter syndrome i feel every time i even slightly think i might be autistic is insane, specially for a person who highly relates to the lived experiences of people who are professionally diagnosed.

Like I was just watching this one youtuber, and she was talking about very specific examples in her life and childhood where she saw autistic traits that made her realize she was autistic and then seek a diagnosis and then get one, and everything she was saying was like she was describing my life! But yeah no, I can't be autistic tho

#and one thing that has been filling me with dread (as if it was relevant lol) is the idea of seeking a diagnosis and #either not geting it because it's already so hard to find a diagnosis for '''''''women''''''' (afabs) #and that will make me doubt myself even more! but most importantly those around me who already don't believe me #but also i'm very scared about this one thing in particular which is the talking to your parents portion of the diagnosis #where the therapist will want to talk to people who knew me as a child... and that person will have to be my mom #and i'm pretty sure she will dismiss most signs. like she would either not bring them up because ''they're normal'' #or play them as less important than they were #or maybe she didn't even notice them! because most of my struggles are internal! #things like being bullied or having no friends or liking a routine #idk if she'll be able to talk about all those #because my bullying wasn't violent it was mostly dismissive #my ''friends'' weren't really friends like i didn't CARE for them as maybe someone would have #and also they would leave me for no reason at all out of the blue... so i don't think even THEY considered ME a friend #and liking routine i guess she could say i prefered it but she doesn't know to the extent i hated going off it #i'm sure she forgot about the time i cried (as a 10 year old so not THAT young) because they made us change classroom #and i didn't know that was gonna happen... it was added to the anxiety that i thought my mother wouldn't be able to find me #but like the unknown classroom traumatized me (to this day i get anxious just thinking about that) #like... all those things i don't think she would bring up (if she could even) and i fear that will make me not get a diagnosis #not that this is a thing that's gonna happen cause as i established i cannot afford a therapist nor i'll ever get a diagnosis i don't think #so like it's not relevant #but i am anxious about it nonetheless #angel talks #personal #idk what's my point with this post btw i'm just venting and creaming to the void #dkfjhgdfg

[dactesup]

si quieres puedes quedarte toda la vida conmigo <33

I JUST NOTICED THIS POST CONTAINS OLD MEN YAOI.

#ishimondo #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #kiyotaka ishimaru #mondo oowada #doodles #i cannot afford a therapist rn and this is helping me heal! #ishimondo powers!! #YAJUUUU

[labgrownmeat]

is it inadvisable to do mushrooms 3 nights in a row? probably. am i going to do it anyways? haha. yes

#please bear with me im desperate for introspection into my stupid fucked up trauma #and i cannot afford a therapist right now #so drugs and books it is

[orchidyoonkook]

Personal

Hi.

How did you get over your quarter life crisis?

Because I’m trying not to fall into the vast unyielding void. And I’m failing hilariously.

#TAG RANT. CAN IGNORE. YOON JUST NEEDS TO GET HER THOUGHTS OUT. #filler tag to push the rest of the rant down past the cut off point. #i literally don’t know what I’m going to do with my life and I can’t decide anything. #do I stay in flowers #do I leave flowers #do I try and get into film again #do I move to Europe #or delay that and go back to school for the one thing that’s always brought me pure happiness #or do I move out of my city #but in all of this I have to consider my partner and what he wants #but I don’t know what to do. i don’t know what the right thing for me is and I can’t afford a therapist so I ramble on the internet in hopes #of a shiny beacon of something rings into my head and figures everyhting out for me #like. I’ll be 25 in April. a ways off. but I’m 25 and I haven’t done anything. i don’t know what I’m supposed to do?? i had a life plan that #was derailed so hilariously hard by COVID that cannot be mended. and this is the first time I haven’t had a plan or a solid goal and so now #I’m floating in the middle of the pacific wondering which direction to turn in hopes of finding land #i have nothing to work towards and I miss who I was. i want to be that again. i wanna be her again. but it’s so difficult to do that. #anyway. rant over. needed to get that out. thanks for reading if you did. #this actually made me feel a lot better hope moly.

[mrs-theirin]

i am going. to throw up

#rambling #vent #i've got all this pent up inside of me and i can't talk about it to ANYONE GODDDDD #and therapy is so expensive i cannot afford to go see her rn #and even her. i have a weird thing about looking Good to my therapist #which is soooo dumb and unhelpful #but like. #god. the horrors. the unending horrors #because if this ends the way i'm terrified it will #then everything else i've gone through lately will have been for nothing #and i'll be even worse off than before #sir (speaking to god) sir i am NOT your strongest soldier #please give me the easier battles thank you

[mentalmeles]

see a therapist. you are hurting friends and yourself . If you are having suicidal ideation please get yourself some help.please call the hotline Crying about it online makes u feel worse and to people People care about you why is it never enough. Get help pls get help or find something better to cope because this ain’t it and it not helping anyone pls get help

I can’t afford it.

#200 dollars a week is something I cannot afford #and in my experience therapists are invasive and rude and don’t truly care about their patient’s wellbeing or comfort #sorry to say but this is all I got #anonymous #ask

[lexosaurus]

Hey Lexx, where the fuck are ur fic updates? An explanation.

I've mentioned this and talked about this on discord but for those who don't know, I have an old arm injury that I gave myself when I was an athletic coach because I didn't take rest days. Which was stupid. The type of injury I have is one that's usually actually not a big deal, and heals on its own with a bit of rest.

Unfortunately, mine actually got worse with rest and when I re-entered the workforce doing physical labor, and restarted gym training again, it got so unbearable that I ended up seeking doctors finally!

When I started treatment for my arm, I was told that I'd have to suspend a number of my favorite physical activities and would have to postpone an exciting thing I'd been training for. Facing the damage I'd done along with stress from school and financial stress, I'll be honest I sorta broke. And it was made worse because the endgame-treatment I need, I can't receive without a period of total rest, and I'm currently working physical jobs still so I need to wait till the fall.

Which hurt abundantly.

Losing so much physical strength, especially when it was such a core part of my identity for years, really has done a number on me mentally. And even though by the winter I'll probably be approved to go back to all my favorite activities, the fact that I'm in the position that I am now, and knowing that it was entirely preventable if I'd just done what I was supposed to do, really sucks. It's been hard for me to motivate to like....engage with hobbies.

So yeah that's pretty much where I've been. Because with a brace, I can type just fine. It's just the actual like. Doing it part.

Btw, not saying this sarcastically, thank you to those who have bugged me for fic updates. That's honestly been the only reason why I've been opening my documents for the past few months. Hopefully I will stop being a lil bitch about this and will be able to self-discipline again soon.

#life update #sorry i hate doing these cuz i just feel like im making excuses #which i sorta am #but i figured i at least owed an explanation #i really focused on the physical aspect here because it's been at the route of all my other problems #but other stresses too namely financial and thesis-stress has been contributors too #tho i think those would be much more manageable if not for my arm being a 24/7 burning reminder #as i type this (without a brace) my fingers are fully shaking #i cannot express enough how mad at past-lexx i've been #which is something i really should go over with a therapist when i can afford one

[vanillabat99]

I went to the dentist today (it went fine) and while my mom was at reception, I overheard the cost of my appointment. My parents don't tell me the numbers because they don't want me to feel guilty, but I do feel guilty about it. Both of my parents have jobs and things were finally starting to get better financially for us, and now I feel like I'm making them throw all of that away.

They have to take so much time off work to take me to appointments, they have to pay for everything, they worry about me, and I can't even wash my own hair. I know they will always love me, and they have made it very clear I can stay at home as long as I need. I just feel like I'm not doing enough, or anything really.

#it was just a routine check. nothing wild. but it was over 400 dollars ._. #and my medications are expensive too :( and i dont even take everything im supposed to 😭 #idk. i had a pretty good day today. its just that (lack of) insurance is getting scary ._. #i wish i could take care of myself but the best i can do is so infrequent. #and i dont qualify for home care because i live with my family. #and my handicap parking pass expired last month and i forgot to ask for a renewal. #and i still need to see my therapist more often but i CANNOT afford it and i just. ugh. :( #things are fine financially like its not a crisis or anything. its just. #we're back to small grocery trips and half tanks of gas. and those are small things but its a step back. #we still cant replace the washing machine even though its shaking itself apart. #and the dining room floor is falling apart. #i think i just need to sleep. its 7am. hopefully i feel better in the morning. #batty blogging #text

[werewolf-transgenderism]

🌿 venting on main again sorry pls forgive me for over sharing 🌿

#not to be over sharing on main again but. #just fucking sucks that for once in my miserable life I’m trying to deal with shit BEFORE it ends in a [redacted] #and I can’t access any of the necessary resources because of my shit insurance and ‘complex needs’ #like. I want to get better! I don’t want to keep living like this indefinitely!! #and I’m acknowledging that I cannot fix it myself! #but like I do not have a support system! and I cannot afford to pay out of pocket for a therapist who meet my needs! #I can’t keep hauling myself back up from this shit forever like it’s unsustainable #like what happens when I can feel myself going crazy and can’t drag myself into the ER preventatively #I’m just so tired of doing all of this work myself and barely scraping by day to day like I can’t do this forever #anyway. sorry to overshare on main but. again. no support system and this can’t just live in my brain #apologies to anyone who read this far

[caramiaaddio]

Oh boy here I go crying again

#ohoho do I need some help that I cannot afford #I am trying very hard not to talk about my problems cause I don’t want to get into a spiral like I tend to #but my mental health is fucked up seven ways from sunday #and I wish there were homes for low support needs autistic people #cause like I don’t need you to wipe my ass and I can work a regular job just fine but please god I need some real support #not just emotional but mental psychological psychical #thinking about that pill that’s supposed to make your antidepressants work better #thinking about that magnet therapy where they rewire your brain #thinking about the things that have gotten me here #trying very hard not to think of my regrets and my fears #not the best coping method but until I can afford a therapist it looks like this is the only solution to not do shit #was on the verge of tears in my friends house tonight #kept looking for a pen in my purse but I couldn’t find one #to write on my wrist which is a coping thing for me vis a vis self harm #no pen. did have my sewing kit with the little scissors #the effort it took not to pull them out was a lot #just on the couch trying not to break a five year streak #sometimes I feel like maybe I died when the pandemic started and everything since then has been my own personal hell #I don’t even believe in a god or an afterlife but it would make an awful lot of sense

[kaleighfratkins]

#please reblog! #posting this on tumblr bc it did not get much traction on twitter and here i can actually talk in the tags #obviously there are some potential downsides & any good therapist in training will be very upfront with you about your rights #what they can & cannot do etc i know it will not work for everyone but at least it is an option for affordable therapy!

[jacobied]

.

#im about to snap lmfao on the one hand being around adhd friends and engaging w content by adhd ppl is great #terrific even. they fuckin Get it #but idk if triggering is the right word but god it fucking hurts smthn awful #bc i am just taken back to my MESS of a diagnosis where i was defensive and masking the entire time and ultimately left w a 'just anxiety' #diagnosis and every subsequent talk w therapist where they diminish my experiences bc i dont have a Real diagnosis #i got the first chance w a school grang #and i fucked it and probably can never afford to try again and i sure as SHIT cannot navigate the system to #even if somehow miraculously i could the fucking thought of going through the administrative bullshit to set things up #makes me want to break my fucking bones for the crunch of it bc thats the only thing thatll make everything else STOP #idk its just weird relating and being soothed by people i dont feel like ill actually belong to #its been a fucked up brain time realizing im not even fucking mentally ill in a relatable way lmfaooooooo #jade.exe

[katierosefun]

i think i need to remove my uterus

#caroline talks #the uterus is the source of all my mental health problems #i mean. today i was so outrageously sad for no goddamn reason #and then i realized 'oh. i am feeling SPECIFICALLY this way because my period is coming' #it's not even typical 'awww my period's coming i'm feeling tearier than usual' #it's more like 'oh. my period is coming. better make sure that i have 134708123123 healthy coping mechanisms on hand' #because if not my brain thinks silly funny thoughts that make me feel a silly funny kind of way! #silly funny kind of way that land me in a therapist's office with forced sessions that i cannot afford! #so we are. we are hating our own uterus right now

[chaotictomtom]

saw a total stranger on the streets and smth hit me like a rock and im kinda tiptoeing everything rn cos im scared it triggered an alter and. feels bad man!!!!

#idk how to deal with this!!!!! #therapist who diag me went away like 3 weeks after the diag i don't have any tools 💀 #ik ive been struggling since before the diag but now that i know what's up it gets so frustrating to still. not know what to doooo #augh. #big head in hands moment idk how to communicate with him and i just hope he's fine. #tomtom_is_rambling #tomtoms_system #anyway will try to decompress and play some chill video game and try to reach out :((( #might make it more of a big deal than it is but i just wish i wasn't for once the only one fronting rn and have like some signs of j #anyway sorry who cares #needed to get that shit out im sorry #like it's been since??2021??? since my last therapist just went away and. the current one i have we're not doing anything #40min/month isn't enough at all but i can't complain cos she's a free service :((( #absolutely cannot afford “”“real”“” therapy with another phycologist or phychiatrist as france healthcare still sucks ass #and don't consider mental shit as. vital. so you have to pay it 100% augh. #they started to put something together i think but it's TEN sessions MAX (💀) + has to be prescribed by a doc #LOOOOL as if there was any doctors available rn lmao. lol even.

[mxgyver]

.

#y'all I cannot begin to tell you how grateful i am for therapy #it was my first session in two weeks because of the holidays #and damn did i miss it #not only for the sense of routine #but like... having someone to talk to #I am becoming a better person because of it & i'm also understanding my anxiety and how to function with it #for that i will forever be so fucking grateful #i truly lucked out with my therapist #and yes i know i'm privileged enough to be able to afford therapy & i will never forget that #the affordability of therapy is another thing but i digress #i hope you all are having a good sunday 💗 #sending you all love from my little corner of the west coast #sierra speaks

[s1mpl3sp0ng3]

very excited but also lowkey terrified to start therapy on tuesday

#it's like i'm speedrunning through everything that could go wrong #and like i HOPE this one is good bc i only have 8 free sessions through work #and with all my medical debt i'm scared i won't find the right therapist #so like... i'm optimistic but at the same time very VERY scared #especially considering it's through betterhelp and i didn't find out about the controversies around it until after #but i literally cannot afford anything else until my debts are paid off