#I cannot tell you how hyped I am to be able to be the big fucking lesbian I am in a Rune Factory game

[hauntingblue]

LUFFY!!!!!!!!! I HAVE BEEN CONVERTED!!!! LUFFY BELIEVER FULL TIME!!!!! LET US WORSHIP THE SUN!!!!

#luffy deflating like a balloon..... be serious 😭😭 #MOMO NOT BEING ABLE TO HEAR LUFFY!!! oh kaido going for the others now..... law could hear his voice too??? #NAMI BEING THE FIRST TO STEP UP!!! CHILLS!!! THIS TIME STEPPING UP TO WITNESS THE HORRORS!!! YEAH!!! #yamato really does carry the spirit of oden straight up.... motivating his son and everything... #i feel like i am going insane... I CAN HEAR THE DRUMS!!! nami telling luffy to not die and fulfill his promise WHO ELSE HAD A PROMISE???? #is this why his fruit awakened.... because nami reminded him of the promise... omg..... THE DRUMS!!! CHILLS!!!! THE SMILE!!!!! IM SO HYPE!! #talking tag #watching one piece #episode 1070 #i am smiling so hard rn. contagious #also the cp0 that died for this ajdja.... suffering from success.... #THE BOUNCING SOUNDS!!!! THE DRUMS!!!! THE SMILE!!! SANJI JUST VOLTING AWAKE??? see the clouds over his shoulders remain.... as i was saying #you know this has me realising maybe shanks isn't all that bad and stole the fruit from the gov so they couldnt get hold of it #hiyori saying how oden kept hia promise but also how he wanted to keep the promise of opening wano for joyboy #THE KANJURO THING!!! HIYORI WATCH OUT!!! oh its gonna burn orichi by accident YEAAHHH!!!!!!! FUCK YEAHH!!!! #the animation is so fun.. luffy just junping around and shit while hia destruction power is MASSIVE #this is so!!!! kaido complaining about being bored and having fun thru fighting AND HERE COMES LUFFY WITH HIS LOONEY TOONS GOOFY FIGHT!!!! #they knocked this shit out of the park!!! also END CREDITS????! #episode 1071 #momo saying kaido got fat 😭 actually kaido got pregnant <3 yamato you're going to be a big brother congrats!!! #the eyes 😭😭 damn luffy flew away and exploded... 😞😞 skipping rope with kaido omg.... everyone should go outside and see this... #we are welcoming here in the luffy believers... barto is gonna enlist hundreds of new members #law is luffy believer number 1 damn the speech he is giving kid... omg kaido bonked him ajshaksjak that was so good he needed witnesses.. #nami worried abojt luffy being dead and when he appears she is just like WTF IS THAT!!!!!! HUH???!! #wait a second ooohhhh kaido is goong down too fuck yes akdjaksj momo and yamato peeking over the island jahdksk #THE DRUMS BEING HIS HEART I CANNOT GET OVER IT!!! Kaido shoukd be puking up his insides by now but alas this is so fun BOIOIOIOIOING #FIRST TIME SOMEONE ASKS LUFFY WHO HE IS AND HE DOESN'T SAY MONKEY D LUFFY FUTURE KING OF THE PIRATES. HE SAYS ITS HIM. STRAIGHT UP!!!! #NVM HE SAID IT!!!!! GOD IS THAT YOU????!!!! #episode 1072

[somerandomdudelmao]

sitting on my hands, silently screaming because I can't stop thinking about the connection between Casey and Raph and about Casey discovering said connection and So, to temper my hype, I decided to try and find as many Casey-Raph parallels and possible Raph-sourced influences on Casey: (forgive my formatting I am not used to Tumblr) 1. Casey being able to easily mimic Raph's growls, despite having no memory of learning (note: more obvious b/c it happened so recent. though, based on the fact that the other turtles were surprised by Casey making the noise... did Raph teach him?)

2. Honestly, just Casey's protective nature in general? Casey works so hard to protect his family (learning how to carry his much-bigger-uncles, caring to their needs when their vulnerable without question (i.e. tot Leo and Donnie), literally any time he's concerned with the turtle's health))

3. (Slightly-iffy BUT:) Being very conscious of his strength/fragility of others - - which might be a tad silly to say when all his family is bigger and stronger than him, and there is already another connection in that to Leo, but I cannot get Raph ever admitting "I'm the strong one, the big brother, so I need to protect and take care of you guys!!" so I'm calling it a mix of both Raph and Leo

4. The way they hold/cradel the tinies is very similar (note: there might be more reflections of this category but I honestly can't tell b/c most characters are bigger then Casey)

5. Another different, fun pose where they mirror each other pt.3 (except its very obvious)

6. Krang-ified Casey looks a lot like Krang-ified Raph; from the right eye (our left) to the tentacle right arm (our left) to the clawed left arm (our right) to the spikes. too many similarities for me not to at least point it out.

7. Casey and Raph being attacked by (proportionally the same size to them) Tiny Donnies and getting absolutely bodied.

8. This specific expression - - a possible common trait in just adoring cute things? (note: need more data to find this out, cus I did find a similar expression on Donnie, and we can't really see sparkles in Robot!Raph's eyes, but there was one from the show that's rather close.)

... did I over look into some traits that can maybe be explained other ways? probably. did I miss some parallels? definitely, this series is littered with them. but this AU has me by the throat and we are getting backstory on MY favorite of the turtles, so I need to cope somehow. (This is also my first ask. Idk if I'm did it right. I hope it goes through, and at least someone sees it.) (Message to anyone who sees this: HYDRATE OR DIEDRATE, BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T HAVE A DONATELLO WHO WILL REVIVE YOU.)

What a wonderful research

[the-demonus-aunt]

You don’t have to answer if uncomfortable:

Tw: mentions of SA

Could you do a head cannon on the bros reactions to Mc telling them that they were r@ped in their past relationship with their ex? (I’m healing from this btw)

Hey! I hope you're doing alright and that you have all the support you need!

I tried my best to make this comforting. I hope this is what you wanted and that it maybe helps a little, even for a moment.

That said, I will be honest: I am lucky to be able to say that nothing like that has happened to me. I know this is a sensitive topic. So if there's something in here that you wish were different or that I need to change, please let me know and I will adapt it!

CN Sexual abuse. Implied violence.

How the brothers would react to you telling them you've been r*ped in a past relationship

Belphie

Listens silently, eyes fixated a bit too intensely on you

He'd bite his lip and swallow his anger for a minute in order to be there for you

Probably proceeds to wrap you up into a blanket burrito

Will pat your head while you watch movies together to calm down

Random kisses on your forehead and  staring off into the void with rage in his face

When you nod off, a timer on your ex's life goes off.

Belphie will be back before you wake up, though

"I'll protect you from now on. Nothing like that will ever happen to you again."

Beel

Good boi does not know what to say

Probably forgot to keep chewing whatever he was eating at the moment

He's hurting with you but needs a moment to think about how to react

Then you find yourself in the biggest hug you've ever experienced

It's the perfect mix of gentleness and intensity - the ideal comfort hug

He'll order one of everything from Hell's Kitchen because food is his comfort so why wouldn't it help you to feel better right now

He's gonna be so gentle with you from now on

Probably unsure of how to interact with you, once he starts thinking about what that means for you

A good long conversation about your boundaries and needs takes his insecurity away, though

"I hope you know you can always talk to me. I'll be there for you the same way you always are for us."

Asmo

This man is shocked to his core

As the Avatar of Lust, he's not only big on s*x, but especially consent

He's so fucking mad

He will show his gentle side instead, though

Asmo will immediately iniate a conversation about what is okay for you, what isn't and how you want him to behave with you

He'll follow your wishes to the letter, making a big point of showing how much he cares about respecting your boundaries

Might take you shopping or organise a self-care day to make you feel good about yourself and hype you up

Worships you in any way possible, because that's how he deals with his own shock and anger

"I can only imagine what it must feel like. I hope you know that you're so beautiful and strong and brave and you will come out on top of this, love."

Satan

Well, he is the Avatar of Wrath

Will probably excuse himself for a few minutes to rage about in an unoccupied room

When he returns, he still has a hard time holding back

Firm hugs and kisses on the top of your head, while holding you

Might want to kill your ex, but will hold back because he knows the consequences that might follow

Researches psychological effects of SA in the library

The conversation about your wants and needs follows a few days later

"Thank you so much for trusting me enough to tell me this. What can I do to make you as comfortable as possible around us?"

Levi

He does not know how to handle the situation

Will not touch you in any way until you literally ask him to (if you want him to)

He will cry as soon as he's alone because a) he feels your pain and b) he's so helpless and yet so desperate to help you

Will look up what to do on his D.D.D. but is smart enough to know that he cannot necessarily trust the answers

Might ask you what to do after a few days and will not think about anything else in the meantime

"So what does this mean exactly? I don't want to do anything wrong. Can I hug you? Do would even want me to?"

Mammon

Swallows hard and gets very silent suddenly

This demon will go after your ex unless you explicitly tell him not to

But before that, he will make sure your every need is met

Ruffling you hair randomly, making sure you've eaten regularly, doing your homework for you when you're having a rough day

He might be too tsundere for hugs and cuddles - unless you ask for it, then you'll be in his arms faster than he can call himself The Great Mammon

Will probably not immediately think to ask about your boundaries but will try his best to put himself in your position and think about what is okay and what isn't

Might ask about specific behaviours of his once he's had time to think

"Don'cha worry anymore. The Great Mammon is here to make everything better. Just tell me what ya need!"

Lucifer

Clenching his teeth, gripping his pen too hard, noticeably controlled breathing

He'll pull himself together for you

Wants to know every detail you're comfortable telling him because he wants to understand you

The conversation naturally swaps over into discussing your boundaries and needs

The right hand man of the future King of the Devildom knows better than to kill a human

But Lucifer knows a plethora of curses.

Let's just say your ex will never be happy again in their unfortunately long life

Will never tell you about it, though

If you're okay with it, he'll become very touchy: squeezing your hand under the table, brushing you hair out of your face, putting his arm around you when you're sitting next to each other on the sofa

If not, he will make sure to show you he's there for you in other ways: checking in on you regularly, helping you with your homework, bringing you human lavender tea in the evening to help you fall asleep

"You did not deserve what happened to you. Please know I will do everything in my power to undo the damage they did to you."

#obey me! #obey me! shall we date? #obey me lucifer #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #shall we date otome #lucifer obey me #obey me #obey me lucifer headcanon #obey me swd #obey me mammon headcanon #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me levi headcanons #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me satan headcanon #obey me satan #obey me brothers #obey me brothers headcanons #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo headcanons #obey me belphie #obey me belphie headcanons #obey me headcanon

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

WE WELCOME YOU BACK TO KNOX REACTS TO MONKIE KID EPISODES BECAUSE SOMEHOW WE’RE STILL DOING THIS AND PEOPLE ENJOY READING MY SCREAMING (though to be fair I would still be doing this if no one was reading these simply because I need to scream out at least 70% of my hype here or I’ll make strange dying fish noises when I watch the episodes with my brothers and we can’t have THAT-)

Today is Monkie Kid Season 4 Episode 9, and OH BOY I THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOOD BEING PRETTY CHILL BUT THEN MY BRO PUT ON MONKIE KID EPS WHILE I WAS IN THE KITCHEN AND THE HYPE IS RIGHT BACK

OKAY

okay

I can be cool and chill

.

I cannot be cool and chill

No theme song on this recording either ;-; i MISS THE THEME SONG BUT I AM SO GRATEFUL TO THE PEOPLE THAT RECORDED THESE EPISODES, NOTHING BUT APPRECIATION FOR THEM

okay i broke and went and watched theme song on another episode because i missed it-

AND OKAY LETS GET STARTED

GOSH I LOVE THE THEME SONG

OKAY

OOOHHH DBK’S PLACE

WE’RE AT THE DB FAM’S PLACE LETS GO

ROAST OF THE MONKEY KIDS

OKAYGBDFLKM

OKAY WAIT

HECK LEMME CONSIDER THAT TITLE FOR A SECOND

Roast of the monkey kids, either they’re gonna get beat real bad OR HECK I JUST CAME UP WITH THIS THOUGHT OR ITS THE SELF-PROCLAIMED GREATEST SHIFU OF ALL TIME ROASTING THEM DURING TRAINING THAT WOULD BE FUNNYGHLDKFJAWOEFM

Okay okay lets get started I can already tell i’ma scream

SHUT UUUUUPPPPPP

AZURE CAME TO FIND THE DBK

FR BRO

I AM CONCERNED FOR HIS SAFTEY IS HE GONNA GET IMPRISOENED T-

.

A  H   N A H

YOU DO N O T  HAVE SWK’S SCROLL PIECE TIED TO YOUR BELT LIKE THAT YOU FUZZY BURNT TOAST

THAT FILLS ME WITH RAGE YOU GUYS

IS HE GONNA TELL DBK WHAT HAPPENED TO SWK??

IS DBK GONNA REACT TO THAT??

HECK EHCK EHCK

THE WAY I GASPED

BRUH REALLY SHOWED UP AND

BEAT UP DBK’S FAM

RED SON NOOOOO

OH WOW REALY GOT ALL THOSE WEAPONS POINTED AT PRINCESS IRON FAN HECK BRO

GET OFF OF MY BOIIIIII

I WANT TO SEE DBK SLAM AZURE THROUGH A WALL BUT I DOUBT THAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN SADLY HECK

HECK

YEAH HOW DARE YOU SHOW UP AND ASSULT HIS FAMILY

Azure: um, i only did it because y’all would’ve disagreed with me :(

SQUARE UP BURNT MOLDY TOAST

WHEEZING

OKAY

WE REALLY SHOWING HOW DELUSIONAL THIS GUY IS HUH

LETS GO

BIG FAN OF THAT

MY GOSH

THEY REALLY WENT TO FIND DBK THO

AZURE IS THE WORST Y’ALL

oh oh bet he won’t go get Macaque tho *CACKLES*

WHEEZING

OH MY GOSH I’M JUST WHEEZING AT EVERY LINE AZURE SAYS WHAT THE HECK BRO

HE FR PULLED THE “THEY GUY I USED TO KNOW-“ LIKE MACAQUE DID TO WUKONG FOR A WHILE THERE HECK THATS SO FUNNY BUT WHEREAS MACAQUE HAS THIS GRRRRRR AZURE CONTINUES TO BE ALL SELF RIGHTEOUS AND TRYIGN TO SOUND INSPIRATIONAL AND LIKE HE’S FIGHTING FOR JUSTICE, BOI YOU JUST COMING ACROSS AS WEIRDO  

WOW

WOW

LOOK WHO’S TALKING CELESTIAL GUY

HE’S ALL

“tHe BeAsT hAs BeEn cHaRmEd bY a CeLeStIaL mAiDa-“ JUST SHUT UR FACE BRO MANS GOT SOMETHING SO AGAINST THE CELESTIALS WHEN HE HIMSELF IS ONE OF THEM AND STRAIGHT UP DOES PIF LOOK LIKE SHE WORKS FOR THEM ANYMORE??? HER HAIR IS LITERALLY DONE UP IN THE SHAPE OF BULL HORNS WDYM MAN

also I can’t believe I actually wanna fistfight him for taking trash about PIF who have i becomebnG;LKAMEFW

sO TRUE

DON’T EVEN LOOK AT HER YOU BLUE GUMBALL

I DISLIKE HIM STRONGLY

PLEASE DBK YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO ONESHOT THIS GUY WHYYYYY

Actually I do love how dedicated to each other DBK and PIF are, genuinely. Not the best parents in the world but I still enjoy their dynamic

AZURE YOU’RE SO ANNOYINGBFL;DSMFWE

also wait h

so here’s a question where has azure been??? talking like he’s been gone as long as Peng and Yellow Tusk, but like… where were you at bro?? In the scroll?? if so, who let you out??

HELPGNL;SAMDFAWE

SUBSERVIENT TO THE MONKEY KINGFLKDSMFOAWEF

I’M DYINGNDS;KLMFWEF

I’m also not funny losing it over the fact he has Monkey King’s scroll piece tied to his belt get out of my house

NAH BUT THE WAY HE’S TALKIGN TO DBK

SIR??? HE ACTUALLY HASNT’ CHANGED ALL THAT MUCH MY GUY

oh YEAH EXCELLENT

GET EM

NOOOOO

I KNEW IT

HECK

PIF

“my love”

PARDON?????

ACTUALLY WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO GHDSFNA;WEMF

OH MAN

HECK BRO

SHE REALLY GOT IN FRONT OF THAT HUH

HECK

HOLY HECK BRO THIS IS

HECK THIS IS SO DRAMATIC

RED SON CRYING

sorry i think its funny there was no red son reaction to PIF but then his dad gets snatched and he’s crying WE’RE FINE FOLKS

i

I don’t

I don’t have an emoji for the face i just made

THE BROKEN EXPRESSION??? THE “son-“

EXCUSE ME??

DBK FAM??

OH MY GODS??????

;A;

AAAAAAAAAA

WHAT THE HECK BROOOOOO

GOSH DANG

NEVER GET IN A BROSHIP WITH AZURE MANS IS SO DANG CONTROLLING HUH

SORRY I’M LIKE

ANALYZING CHARACTERS INBETWEEN MY EMOTIONAL DEVESTATION WHY DID THAT WHOLE SEQUENCE HURT??? MY SOUL???

DBK FAM???

HECK

RED SOONNNN

BUDDY  YOU SHOULD PROBABLY R U N

also wait is he g-

.

and this gents is where we find out if Azure is biased towards monkey king or not because he was nice to Mk I’m just saying- what am I saying ofc he’s biased

OHHHH

THE MESSANGER

INTERESTING OKAY

so well I mean i still know he’s biased

just cause he seemed so desperate for Mk to understand and not be hurt and all that but he’ll beat the crap outta red son and his fam like dang

ALSO HECK FR WHERE DID AZURE COME FROM??? DID HE ESCAPE THE SCROLL WHEN MONKEY KNG WENT IN ?? AND HOW CAN HE CONTROL IT SO GOOD?? HAS HE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE THAT OUT FOR THE LAST COUPLE THOUSAND YEARS???

aww

AWWWWW

PENG MENTIONED MACAQUE <3 THAT’S SO SWEET

I LOVE THAT ACTUALLY

LOOK HOW DRAMATIC PENG IS WHEN HE SAYS THAT PLEASENGLKSMF

Yellow Tusk: dbk was  our last hope Peng: I MEAN THER’ES MACAQUE TOO-

Seriously you guys I think Peng thinks Macaque is cool and is trying to be cool and detached too but is leaning to far into the mean side of it HGLKSJAF

I KNOW I’M PROBABLY WRONG I JUST THINK ITS SO FREAKING FUNNY IF THAT’S WHAT IT IS

CAUSE HE’S THE ONLY ONE TO MENTION HIM, TALK TO HIM OR REALLY BRING HIM UP Y’KNOW?

Granted he’s only shown up twice but i’MJUST SAYING

Nah fr it’d be so funny if Peng found him in ten seconds and saw him snoring on a couch or something and went “ah never mind OH MAN CAN’T FIND THE MAN ANYWHERE W H O O P S”

Cause he genuinely doesn’t want them there, either cause he actually dislikes him or he doesn’t want to see him dragged into the scroll

LOOK AT HIS FACE AFTER HE SAYS THAT I’M JUST SAYING GUYS HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S LYINGNFKDL;MFWE

LIKE DANG THE MANS REALLY GONNA USE THE CURSE THAT HIS BROS GOT TRAPPED IN TO TRAP THE VERY GUYS WHO PUT THEM THERE Y’KNOW

I’D SAY POWER MOVE BUT I’D LIKE TO DECK HIM SO GHSDLFKJAWEF

OH HECK WE’RE WITH THE CREWWWWWWW

I get the feeling we’re not gonna get much of Mk in this ep RED SOOONNNNNNN HECK HE’S GOING TO TALK TO THE CELESTIALS WILL HE BE OKAUY??? HECK

Oh i love how they’ve each got personalized unifromsOH MY GODS SANDY’S WEARING A SHIRT

SCREAMS

BOTH ARMS ARE COVERED

WHAT IS HAPPENING

SCREAMS

also wow

wow

thats

quite the

open chested

MHM THAT’S QUITE THE

WHO DREW THAT

I JUST WANNA TALKGHSDFNAWEF JOKING JOKING

OKAY

Yeah Tang with his scarf, Mei with her SLEEVES RIPPED RIGHT OFF

APPROVED

HEY

HEY DON’T HIT MY GIRL IN THE HEAD

SQUARE UP FOOL

GOSH DANG

But dang they really leaning into the hit peoples heads with his stick character bit huh hGSKDJFS

Tang looks so happy eating those noodles tho heck ;-;

TANG GETS SLAMMED TOO???

MANS WAS JUST TRYING TO GET MEI TO RELAX AND EAT SOME NOODLESJGLKSFEW

PIGSY AND TANG’S EXPRESSIONS PLEASELKMGS;AOFKAMWE

Tang stress eats ;-; holds him so gently love this guy he stress eats and Pigsy’s love language is food iM COOL ABOUT EVERYTHING AT ALL TIEMS AS YOU CAN SEE

HELPGMDSFL;AWEF

MEI

The three oldies are all depressed and really feeling useless and Mei’s just NODDING yup uh huh you are that’s how it be get well soon </3

SHE AND MK WERE SO DEVASTATING TO TANG THIS SEASON PLEASEJLKMGDSF

sheer power and L U C K

.

I mean he’s got a point there- HG;SLAKJDFS

.

if they so unstoppable how’d they get beat the first time-

OH MAN I LOVE HOW NOW WE’RE GETTING MORE AZURE’S EYES SHADOWED AND STUFF

LIKE VISUALLY LOOK HERE’S THE GUY WHO’S NTO TO BE TRUSTED RN  

They’re posing him like an antagonist more, well even villain posing just with camera angles and stuff too

anyway moving on

HELPGMSLDFMSD

Mei just

unaffected by this

like dang ohh noooo another lectureeee… which i totally care abouuuuuttt…. daaaaang JGL;KSDJFSAF

WHY DOES SHE GET SO OFFENDED WHEN PEOPLE CALL  HER IMPULSIVE PLEASELMGS;OF

WHY YOU GOTTA CALL OUT TANGS ANKLES LIKE THAT HGSFLJSD

HE BETTER NOT BASH SANDY FOR BEING A PACIFIST, OR ALL PASS THIS FIST RIGHT THROUGH YOUR RIB CAGE-  sorry i couldnt’ think of something clever there but the pass this fist and pacifist was a good opening ;-;7

TOO STUBBORN TO SEE THE TRUTH?? YEAH?? OKAY WHAT TRUTH WHICH ONE?? THAT HE’S MK’S DAD?? THAT HE WAS ZHU BAJIE ONCE UPON A TIME?? ACTUALLY I WASN’T SURE WHAT HE WAS GOING TO SAY TO PIGSY BUT I MIGHT BE A FAN OF THAT ONE I WANT MORE PIGSY ARC PLS I BEG OF YOU

A

AW

OH MY GODS

PLS

LOOK AT THAT SMILE

HELLO

BELOVED

I AM OKAY WITH THIS OUTCOME 10/10

GETS A STAR

GUYS PLEASE DON’T LOOK SO MURDEROUS HELPGNMSD;LKFMA

MAN LOVE THAT

ACTUALLY OKAY ASIDE FROM THE HITTING ANYONE MIDLY HYPERACTIVE OVER THE HEAD I’M LOVING THIS GUY

OH

OH FLOWER FRUIT MOUNTAIN

THE MOUNTAIN OF FLOWERS AND FRUITS

MKKKKKKK

I DIDN’T THINK WE’D SEE HIM THIS EP

I SWEAR IF MACAQUE JSUT SHOWS UP-

MACAQUE’S GONNA SHOW UP RIGHT??

IT’D BE SO FUNNY IF HE WS LIVING ON FLOWER FRUIT MOUNTAIN FOR NO REASON NOW

JSUT OOP VACANCY HAVEN’T HEARD WUKONG IN A WHILE I’MA MOVE IN

IT’D BE SO FUNNYGBDFLSKM

also heck mah boi ;-;

pondering moment looking at the sunset

OH

OH PLEAS E

HIS FACE

THE SOFT KINDA STILL NOT OKAY VOICE

DANG MK’S VOICE ACTOR NAILED THAT LINE ACTUALLY HECK

HE’S JUST

HECK DUDE

THAT ONE FRAME

BRUH

JUST

;-;

i’m fine i swear

THE WAY I GASPED

WHERE ARE YOUR FRIENDS

AND OH YEAH

THEY GOT

SNATCHED

BRUH THAT HURTS MY SOUL THANKS

BUT OH MAN LOOK AT THIS LITTLE MONKEY COMING TO SAY HI

if its macaque disguised i’ll laugh but i doubt it is

HGL;SDF

HECK MAN

won’t even touch him ;-; goes to reach out his hand and say hi and just

doesn’t touch

goes back to looking away

and da monkey just ;-;

heck dude they’re doing a good job showing Mk’s mental state rn well done

AND BACK TO THE CREWWWW LEGOOOOO

WORN DOWN CHISELED AND DEFINED

BET

I WONDER IF THEY’LL ACTUALLY RETAIN ANYTHING THEY’RE ABOUT TO LEARN GHSDLFJSDF

I’M LAUGHING

YOU KNOW WHAT YEAH  

SANDY’S BELOVED

HE KNOWS WHO HE IS AND WHAT HE STANDS FOR AND IS ABSOLUTELY RIPPED

NO CHISELING NEEDED GJSLH;FKJSEF

i can’t help but feel he’s trying to et a rise out of the rest of them tho that’s so many stars hGLKASJDF

then again I too would give sandy as many stars as he wanted

Tang: i know my issue is my self confidence

Shifu [i’m not confident spelling his name yet i haven’t seen it the way they pronounce it here]: WRONG ITS YOUR COMPLETE LACK OF SKILL

LITERALLY EVERYBODY COMING FOR TANG THIS SEASON PLEASEJGLKM;ADSFS

MANS DESTROYING HIM PLEASELMG;SFAMEWFLSDF

TANG ON THE FLOOR DRAMTICALLY PLEASELK;MGSOEF

THE OTHERS IN THE BACKGROUND BALANCING GKLSDJFS

Tang just looking for some positive reinforcement please- HGHDFKLJSDF

IS HE REALLY PRAISING THE MONK FOR SELF-ISOLATING HIMSELF AND STRUGGLING WITH HUMAN CONNECTION??? HELPGM??

NO HE’S LEGIT SAYINGNDSLMKSDF

HELPG;SLDFKMSADF

FRIEDNSHIP TRIVIAL

THAT’S NOT

SUPER HEALTHY TO THINK

WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS TELLING THE CREW THAT CONNECTIONS AND FRIENDS ARE BAD PLEASELKMGOSFMAS

Oh that’s nice

Okay so he’s not like COMPLETELY bashing friendship, thank you sorry Shifu should have trusted ya more there

oh i actually vocally went “aww”

Thats nice there’s some positive reinforcement OH I LOVE THAT THO

Like your past self took a long time to learn friends good, so you overcompensated in this life and now its all friends and nothing else and you gotta find a balance there I am actually kinda a fan of that take ngl

BUT YEAH MANS GOT A STAR PLSSSS

You know what okay yes, Shifu go brrrr, we got a little positive reinforcement and now i see what he’s doing he’s just correcting the overcorrection a bit being like BALANCE PEOPLE YOU’RE ALL OR NOTHING ON ONE THING BUT OTHER THINGS ARE IMPORTANT TOO MY GOSH and Sandy already has that balance so he’s cool

yeah that’s nice

So i was right about this ep just being them getting rOASTED constantlyBGA;LKEMF

CRAM BOY

I’M CHGBDSFASDFMAOWIEFM

PLEASE

THAT’S GOOD THO

MANS JUST NEEDED A GOLD STAR AND A REASON TO WORK AND HE’S IN IT  NOW  

YOU’RE DOING GREAT TANG

ILY

MEI’S FACE PLEASELK;MGSAOFAWE F

NAH I LOVE THAT LIKE, THEY’RE THE OPPOSTIES OF THEIR PAST SELVES  Y’KNOW? THAT’S SO GOOD LIKE JUST THE REINCARNATION THING AND JUST “i don’t want to be this way it was bad so i’m going to be timid again” from Ao lei y’know? and it just, an overcorrection type thing

I’m still running off the bit that they’re reincarnations of the jttw crew and Mei’s not like, just a descendant GJULSAKJF

EVEYRBDOY JUST RUNNING AWAY LIKE NOPE NOPE

is he gonna take her out with one hit?

I love how Mei is like, phased by nobody constantly and ready to fight honestly

“Proving my point”

guys

guys I don’t think I’m normal about Ao Lei

he came on screen and i actually almost teared up, I’VE SEEN HIM TWICE BEFORE AND HE ACTUALLY MEANS THE WORLD TO ME??? I ADORE HIM?? I WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY?? HE’S DEAD AND GONE I LOVE HIM???? He’s actually so good y’all i’m

SEEING HIM IN HIS HUMAN FORM IN THE SAME SHOT AS WUKONG IS DOING SOMETHING TO ME I WANT BROTHER MOMENTS WITH THEM SO BAD

LITERALLY SEEING HIM WITH WUKONG AND THE TANG MONK IS JUST |;A;/

I’m normal about the JTTW crew you guys

i’m very normal

s

….

so basically the man just saved up for his power up and then would nail people GASLFJAWEFM THATS GREAT THO

KINDA LEARNED ALL THAT ALREADYGBSFLKMSDF

MEI PLS

I LOVE HER

SO MUCH

BRUUHHHHHH

TANG GETS STAR

MEI GETS NO STAR

R U D E

but also fair ig

I think she’s loud sometimes to cover up the fact she’s worried y’know? not the the extent that mk is but sometimes her bravado seems like all she can do y’know? heck i need to write about her i miss her

THE WAY THAT THEY DRAW HER THIS SEASON IS SENDING ME

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT DREW THE FACES AND POSES SHE MAKES I’MGNSDFKMD

WHY YOU SMILING OLD MAN

HE’S A GREAT SHIFU NGL

I LIKE HOW THEY’RE DOING HIM ACTUALLY

THIS SHOW HANDLES MENTORS REAL WELL (aside from Wukong jsut cause overuse of unreliable narrator and then not showing anything to contradict all that)

I’M SO GHSDFBAS;LFKM

PLEASE

SO MANY STARS

SANDY IS VIBIN

I’M EXPECTING A TWIST BUT I DO LOVE HIM SO MUCH

MY HILARIOUSLY BLUE STUDENTHNDFKJDSF

PLEASELKMGSDF

SHIFU ACTUALLY WORRIED ABOUT SANDY CAUSE HE’S SO NICE ;-; yeah fair he is belovePIGSY

PIGSY BELOVED

PIGSY MY ABSOLUTE FAV

I know i say that about every single one of these characters but its true every time BGSLAKEFMEWAF

PIGSYYYYYYY

HE’S HAVING A MOMENT

I LOVE YOU PIGSY

like father like son, looking out at the view while you think ;-; i mean i know that’s a p normal thing for people in general bUT LET ME HAVE THISBGSDL;KFMSEF

Pigsy ;-;

heck bro

I HAVE SUCH FEELINGS FOR THIS CHARACTER THEY DID HIM SO WELL

I’M

HE’S BEING SO NICE ABOTU ZHU BAJIE

PIGSY’S LIKE

HECK DUDES I NEED YOU TO KNWO I WROTE SOMETHING JUST FOR MYSELF ABOUT PIGSY JUST HATING ON HIS PAST LIFE AND HATING HIM AND I CAN’T BELIEVE ITS CANON THAT HE’S SO UNKIND TO WHO HE USED TO BE I LOVE THIS SO MUCH PELASE

LEARN SELF KINDNESS I LOVE THAT THE SHIFU IS SAYING NICE THINGS ABOTU ZHU BAJIE THO HECK

HIM SMILING AT  MONKEY KING

heck you know

that’s

y’know that’s probably the first nice thing he’s ever heard someone say about Zhu Bajie

heck dude

heck dude bro Pigsy’s fACE

I LOVE PIGSY SO FREAKING

HE IS JUST SO CHILL SOMETIMES

DAD VIBES ABOUND

heck tho

just the

the heart that you have he worked for, he put his all into getting it and growing and he did grow and change and that effort is partially what made it so easy for you to have it right off the bat. you did good

LIKE

HECK DUDE HOW DOES THIS SHOW GIVE ME EXACTLY WHAT I WANT LIKE THISNGSLMKFS

like FOR REAL, THE WAY HE LOOKS UP AT HIM AFTER HE GIVES HIM THE STAR THERE ARE SOME FACES IN THIS EPISODE I JUST CAN’T GET OUT OF MY HEAD AND THIS’LL BE ONE OF THEM

PIGSY JUST SCRATCHING THE SURFACE OF POWER GO BRRRRR

OOP MEI WATCHING

HEPGMSLFWE

SHE’S SO MAD HGDFLK;JSDF

MEI ACTUALLY LIEK TRYING THAT FACE SHE MADE HECK EHCK

OH HECK BACK TO MK

MY BOY MY BELOVED MAN

heck dude

did the monkey bring him all those bananas? PLS I’M GOING TO CRY AT HOW THEY DRAW THE TINY MONKEYS

LOOK AT THAT FACE

OH BOY

.

OH BOY HE SAID IT

.

mk buddy i think that’s exactly why he stayed on the mountain

bruh

dude’s really feeling it heck

MONKEY STEALS HIS BABNANNAGN;SMF

SCREAMS

I DIDN’T THINK HE’D SHOW UP TILL EPISODE TEN

WHAT DO YOU WANT MACAQUE

i

wow

WOW

guys this new VA is actually killing it, like

well done

respect my guy, you filling big shoes but you’re really nailing it sounding similar WELL DONE

JUST IMMEDATELY BASHING WUKONG

OKAY MACKY BOY

OH I GASPED

HECK I’VE GASPED SO MANY TIMES THIS EPISODE

MACAQUES REACTION TO THE FLICKERING

MK FINALLY CHILL AND THEN BACK TO FLICKERING BACK AND FORTH

HECK HECK

MACAQUE’S FACE

HECK

DUDE BRUH

BRUH DID NOT EXPECT THAT DID HE

OH

OH MAN  oh man ;-;

just

THE TERRIFIED, GLITCHING

THEN JSUT

heck

what does it matter

“go for it guy”

i do think its funny how Wukongs thing is bud and Mk’s thing is Guy HGLSADJKF

man

the whole

heck bro just sits right back down

Macaque just standing there

Okay Voice actor did a very good job sounding very very similar to macaque while he’s starting to mess with Mk and then dropping into something just slightly deeper when he’s not well done sir well done

MAN

THE ITS NO FUN WHEN YOU SAY IT OUT LOUD

YEAH SURE BUDDY GOOD EXCUSE

OOO THAT’S

A LOT OF REUSED ANIMATOIN THEREGSFDLKMSF

HELPGML;SFM

THAT WAS RIGHT AFTER THE OTHERHGDSFBDSF

still looks lovely

EXCUSE ME THO GOING BACK A BIT THE WAY HE’S LOOOKING AT MK THERE TRYING TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD A BIT

mmm yeah that bit with the reused animation looked pretty rushed and clunky honestly pacing was just slightly off and the expressions didn’t quite fit with the dialogue, not as good a job as usual with the reused stuff it looked a little out of place this time around but I’m still glad they’re reusing stuff when they can

godspeed macaque what are you showing Mk hglskjdf

OH WE BACK TO AZURE

HERE WE GO

MANS SURE GROWLS HUH

HAHAHHAHGBSDFDLSMKF

AZURE MAD ABOUT HIS STUFF GETTING BROKEN AND PENG JUST MOVING ON IN A SECOND SAY GOODBYE TO THIS DUMP HGSLKDJF

I’M SORRUY BUT THE SOUND EFFECT OF PENGS LANDING WAS GREAT

I HAD TO GO BACK AND LISTEN TO IT AGAIN

OKAY

DID YOU JUST CALL YELLOW TUSK DARLINGNDLKMSFDF

hang on i gotta make sure i heard that right i’ve been mishearing things a lot lately

IT STILL SOUNDS LIKE HE SAYS DARLINGNSF;KLMSF

OKAY WELP CELESTIAL REALM TIME IG HERE WE GO

EPS GETTING CLOSE TO OVER

OOP THEYV’E ARRIVEDHGBSD;LFSE HECK EHCK EHCKE

NEZHA IMMEDEATELY

RED SON STANDING NEXTGT AAAAAA NEXT TO HIM HECK EHCKMEVDFNG;LKSMSEF HECK IT S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I STIMMED HECK

THE WHOLE ARMY THERE TO MEE TTHEM HECKGHECKEHCKEHCEK

WHAT AN ENTERENCE TOO

HECK EHC

AAAAA

IS NEZHA GONNA SEE SWK TRAPPED?? IS ANYONE GONNA KNOW OR CARE???

I JUST REALLY WANNA SEE REACTIONS PLEEAAAASEEEEEE THERE’S SO MUCH IN THIS EP AND IT WAS SO CHILL FOR A BIT HECK EHCK

Azure’s not but Red Son is ig CACKLESGSLD;KFMDS

WHAT A COOL THING THAT RED SON IS STANDING WITH THE CELESTIALS HUH

ITS NEAT THEY’RE OKAY WITH THAT AND NOT LIKE

LOCKING HIM UP

AND ITS NEAT HE HAS LIKE

A PORTAL FREE PASS TO GET THERE I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THAT

i am constantly wheezing at how Azure acts with his self-righteous sighing and long-suffering act like he’s so annoying pleasenL;GKMAWEF

THERE ARE SO MANY AMVS I CAN MAKE WITH THIS STUFF MAN

OHHHHH

OH THE SOUND I JUST MADE

THE PARALLEL WITH THE THEME SONG PLEASE

LOOK AT THAT

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

AND THAT’S THE EP FOLKS

HECK DUDE

That was a highly enjoyable one

Fr tho I love Ao Lei So much he’s so good

THAT WAS FUN

I have pretty much no thoughts after it was just kinda a nice breather ep for most of it, i’m a huge fan of how the Shifu is training them and stuff like dang

just well done, good stuff m  A N

that was fun want to write about these guys so much every single time i get anything like this hgbdfskldmf MAN THO MK

MACAQUE BEING SO MUCH MORE CHILL NOW IS GETTING TO ME HECK

I’M STILL SO MAD AT AZURE FOR WEARING SWK’S BROKEN PIECE OF THE SCROLL ON HIS BELT HOW FREAKING DARE YOU ANYWAY

I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO EP TEN DEAR GOSH WE’RE ALMOST CAUGHT UP LETS FREAKING GOOOOOOOO

I’LL SEE YOU GUYS NEXT WEEK KNOX OUT

#knox reacts #monkie kid season 4 #lmk s4 spoilers #i actually forgot how i used to tag these reaction posts #ANYWAY WE VIBIN #I HOPE AZURE GETS FREAKING DECKED

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

MORE QUESTIONS

what other fandoms do you enjoy outside of ASOIAF?

Lmao, the big list of Things Misa Enjoys

I very much enjoy anime & manga. I got infected with those brain worms back in high school, & they simply will not leave. Particularly into Sailor Moon, which I haven't stopped thinking about since 1999, (I have OCs for that & a fic I'm gonna one day sit down & plot out beyond This Is The Vibe. I have a few things floating around in my brain, but I just haven't made the time to do anything with it. Maybe since I'm at reception for 6 hours I'll do that 🤷🏻‍♀️) & JoJo's (I also have OCs for this one, but no fic. I do have a homebrewed ttrpg system to run a JoJo's campaign with, though. But I need to finish statting enemy Stand Users & some character design. Also it's not a priority because I have an asoiaf campaign trilogy to finish running). I don't read or watch anything with the quickness, so I haven't watched a ton of newer anime or made that much of a dent in my reading of Berserk, but I do enjoy both newer stuff and Berserk. I even have a couple figures from Demon Slayer, which is probably my favorite newer series? It feels very nostalgic to the series I grew up watching.

I was into the Netflix Witcher series, but I haven't been able to bring myself to finish season 3. No amount of Joey Batey tits or confirmed pansexual Jaskier can really build my hype back up when I've heard the last bit of s3 sucked & I know I probably won't watch season 4. I have collected all but the last book of short stories though, so once I've worked through more of my books I need to give a fair shake before donating I plan to start those & get into The Witcher proper.

The Elder Scrolls is very good & fun, & I know the plots of all the mainline games even though I've only ever actually played Skyrim to completion. I have...I have so many OCs for that. And a fic I'm slowly working on that tells the story of the Dawnguard DLC by way of Lapsed Viglant Of Stendarr & Werewolf Vampire Hunter Are Forcibly Adopted As Serana's New Parents (and also I am confirming Serana as, like, eternally 19 because she feels very teenagery/early 20s-y to me). Fun fact: two of my current very close friends (my Platonic Wife included) were made by way of TES (and then another friend was introduced to me by a TES friend). So, thanks for your service, Todd Howard. Y'know, I guess.

It feels very "What are your hobbies? / Magnets." to say, but, like, dolls in general. I've collected porcelain dolls since I was little (but that collection got pared down massively when I moved from Texas), & I'm currently working through a clean/restore/dress/display of my old Bratz dolls. I've also dropped real adult money on dolls to (out of box, bc it sparks joy) display in my apartment. Specifically the Sasha (my best girl) Rock Angelz repro I waited almost a full year to see drop, Heather Greyson from Shadow High, & The Pride Bratz (I had a giftcard). I need to finish cleaning my old Bratz before I drop money on more though. So I know my shelving situation, lmao.

I am not not into Dragon Age, but I also complain about it all the time. I refuse to engage with it in a multimedia way. What I cannot learn by playing the games/have told to me in those games is simply not for me to know. Just...the way the franchise is handled & how it feels very obvious that Bioware wants to tell an incredibly specific story (while still allowing for character creation?), all the lore decisions they're making that feel like retcons/throw away everything I got invested in early (hello the dwarves & the dalish & Alistair's everything), & the increasing non-optional nature of the comics & books...it brings my blood to boil. The games are fun though! I have fun playing the games! And my personal Warden/Hawke/Inquisitor trios can be pried from my cold, dead hands!

I'm gonna be real, I know much more about Th Old World Of Darkness than Vampie v5, but I am into Vampire The Masquerade. This is, again, a "I have learned everything in bursts of hyperfixation that last a varying length of time," but I would very much like to take one of my two special vampire boys out for a spin one day. Because they're there! They exist & they are appropriately melodramatic, & I love them. Evil, fucked up, Hecata thug & flouncy, Catholic For The Aesthetic Toreador music producer my beloveds 💕

#ask #im also casually into batman & the flash #and star trek #but not enough to really make NOTE y'know

[iamafanofcartoons]

I have become no better

Inspired by @saintoflostmonsters who thought about Mercury and Oscar.

“Whap!” Whap!” “Whap!”

The blows striking out in Anger in Salem’s torture chamber rang out , matched only by the cries of a child.

Hazel roared at he lashed out at Ozpin’s newest vessel, a young boy.

From the hallway outside Mercury Black observed.

Thanks to Cinder’s faction, he had gained new legs and allowed him to fight on par with many huntsmen with their hyped-up semblances.

But he had no idea just far he had gotten himself into, only that trying to get out would not get him anywhere.

And yet...this boy...

Flashbacks appeared in his head...memories of his own childhood, of an abusive father who would strike him for any reason, who would blame him for any reason.

Mercury had fought back after he had enough...killed his father. But while he hadn’t gotten his semblance back, he had gotten strength. 

But at what cost?

“You...don’t have...to do this Hazel...” The boy, not Ozpin, but the boy rasped through broken bones.

Merc’s eyes widened. Even after everything, this boy was still trying to reason with Hazel?

Hazel stood, glaring angrily. “This isn’t about me, Boy...this is all for my sister.”

Mercury had enough.

“Cut the bullshit, big guy, we didn’t join Salem to be hypocrites”

Two pairs of eyes snapped towards Mercury walking plain view.

The boy coughed “You’re...you’re Mercury...I remember, you from Haven”

Mercury approached him, sneering. “Yep....nice to meet ya, Ozpin”

“Os...car!” The boy hacked up blood through a lung. “My name is Oscar Pines.”

“And you’re also an idiot” Mercury said calmly.

“I..had a choice to make” Oscar responded with a glare.

“To reveal your first and last name?” 

Oscar’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

Mercury bent down to Oscar. “The fact that you came to Haven so soon would mean you’re from Mistral. And you gave us your name. Now how hard would it be if, given a slight delay, we paid a visit to Mistral and found some of your relatives to torture to force you to crack?”

Oscar’s eyes widened. “You wouldn’t!”

Mercury shook his head. “Not my call to make. Its Salem’s.”

“Mercury, that’s not...” Hazel tried to stop him.

“Not what!” Mercury turned around on the giant man.

“Look at you! You keep spouting about how everything is for your sister! That’s bullshit! You’re torturing a kid with the same passion as my alcoholic father who beat me everyday and every night! This is how you show affection to your family? The only difference between you and Dad is that you don’t drink, but you certainly act like an assassin!”

Hazel grabbed Mercury by the shoulders and lifted him up into the air.

“Gretchen was manipulated by Ozpin into dying for his cause! I tried fighting Ozpin’s cause, and found the truth, that Salem CANNOT be killed! I fought her for a whole day! 2 hours was the most I was able to stop her.”

“That’s...certainly more than me”

Both agents turned their heads back to Oscar, whose eyes now glowed.

“Ozpin...” Hazel growled.

“Did Salem tell you that my soul is forced to merge with like-minded people, but never by my choice?” Ozpin glared at the two killers.

“I am the reason for Salem, because I provoked her hate by choosing the mission of the Gods over my love for her.”

“And what mission do you have exactly?” Mercury smirked... “let me guess, a Judgement Day, maybe?” Ozpin began to open his mouth, then started gasping. The glow vanished from his eyes, replaced by Oscar’s.

“Judgement Day comes when the four relics are united”

Hazel was startled. “Gathering the four relics is supposed to allow the Gatherer to change the planet. Its the only way to ensure that there would no longer be a need for Huntsmen!”

Oscar smiled bitterly. “What Salem told you was the same that Ozpin told everyone else ...a half-lie. If Humans and faunus are divided when the four relics are gathered, the Gods will return and smite everyone...including Salem. One big suicide”

“And if humans and faunus are united, as in everyone singing Kumbaya?” Mercury demanded?

Oscar shook his head sadly. “That’s why Ozpin withheld the truth. Try as he might, he was never able to succeed...Your group saw to that. The Relic of Knowledge shared that info with Ozpin’s allies...and they lost faith in him. I suppose Raven Branwen figured out the truth that Salem couldn’t be killed. Maybe that’s why she fled...she was worried that she might end up like Gretchen...giving her life to keep Salem at bay, rather than give in and let Salem win.”

Mercury and Hazel were silent.

“Let’s say that all of this is true,” a new voice spoke up as Emerald Sustrai joined the conversation. “How can you prove to us that Salem has been lying, and seeks genocide?”

Oscar gave a pained expression. “Ozpin, please...trust me just this once.”

After a few moments, Oscar’s breathing became normal.

“Ozpin won’t give you the password to the relic, but I will”

“Why?” Hazel demanded.

“Just because share Ozpin’s values, does not mean I am Ozpin...not yet” Oscar responded fiercely.

“And I am going to put the trust in all of you that neither Salem nor Ozpin did”.

Emerald gritted her hands. “Guys?”

Mercury was silent for a moment. “Salem won’t be happy if we find out the truth”

“No,” Hazel acknowledged “But if she’s lying, just like Ozpin, then I have to make a choice of my own”

Hazel freed Oscar from his shackles and looked at the boy in the eye.

“No more Gretchen’s, Boy”

Oscar’s eyes widened. Then he nodded. “No more meaningless sacrifices. We’ve both got people to protect”

“Both” Hazel was confused.

Oscar smiled “You tried to protect them at Haven, didn’t you?”

Hazel startled, turning back to Emerald and Mercury, then reflecting with shock.

To everyone’s surprise, Hazel chuckled. “Gretchen , your big brother is such an idiot. But I’m going to do right this time”

Rising to his feet, Hazel approached the door.

“Well, let’s get some answers.”

The children smiled.

#mercury black #emerald sustrai #hazel rainart #rwby #rwby au #Oscar Pine #rwby volume 8 #rwby prompt

[twdsunshine]

Lost In The Act: Pt. 4

Summary:  With an upcoming family gathering weighing heavy on her shoulders, Jess turns to Rick Grimes, her friend and colleague, for support.  She knows the long weekend will be filled with pressure and expectations, piled on by her well-meaning parents who cannot understand why their sweet girl is still single.  When Rick offers to accompany her as her date, she eagerly accepts, but, with long-suppressed feelings simmering beneath the surface and her past lurking around every corner, will she be able to keep up the act?

Pairings: Rick Grimes x OFC

Warnings:  Language, mentions of emotional abuse

Word Count:  5,603

Check out my bio for a link to my Masterlist!

Author’s Note:  Sorry this is posting so late tonight!  I am at my parents’ house and totally lost track of time!  Anyway, this series has basically been a big fluff fest so far, but @greghouse​ knows that, when she commissions a fic from me, there’s gonna be some quality angst coming her way!  And, hurrah!  We’ve finally reached the drama!  Enjoy, my lovelies!

*****

“Oh my God, Jess, look at you!”  It was the third time in an hour that Jess had heard the sentiment, yet she forced another smile, letting her Auntie Sue hold her at arm’s length and cast an appraising eye over her.  The balls of her feet were burning in her heels, and she was pretty sure the humidity had played havoc with her hair, but this was it, what they’d been planning for, and she was determined to get through the next few hours without letting her facade falter for even a second.  “Honey, you’re all grown up!  When did that happen?”

“You should see the boyfriend,” Jayne told her in hushed tones, tipping her head towards the kitchen, where Rick was in the process of fixing drinks for those who had already arrived.  “I’m telling you, Sue, if I was twenty years younger-”

“Mom!”

“What?  It’s a compliment!”

“Well, what are we waiting for?  Introduce me!”

Rick had now been introduced to a steady flow of her father’s side of the family.  Uncle Bill and Aunt Betty had been the first to arrive, followed soon after by Jess’s cousin, Amelia, her husband, Sam, and their two boys.  He’d looked relatively calm at that point, shaking hands and exchanging polite small talk as he handed around beers and poured champagne.  Then Auntie Ree had turned up with her daughter, Steph, and son-in-law, Matt, and he’d quickly learned that Matt was also a cop, giving the two of them some immediate common ground to drive the conversation.  Auntie Sue had pulled up just moments ago with Uncle Steven, their son, Tom, his partner, Katherine, and their little girl in tow, hovering by the car to wait for the rest of their clan to park up behind them: their daughter, Cara, her husband, Josh, and their three kids.  They followed Jayne to the kitchen in an excited gaggle, and Jess took a moment to breathe deeply, steadying herself before making her way through the living room to join the fun.  

In truth, even she found it hard to keep everybody straight in her head when they all got together like this.  She knew her aunts and uncles, of course.  They’d been permanent fixtures at family holidays whilst she was growing up, and she could usually tell her cousins apart, though she saw them so rarely now that they’d nearly always changed beyond recognition between visits.  It was their children that really stumped her, all a similar age and with a family resemblance that made them almost impossible to identify when they were all charging about, hyped up on sugar and screaming at the tops of their lungs.  How Rick was supposed to keep track of who was who she had no idea, but, when she met his eyes through the throng, he only smiled, dipping his chin in an almost imperceptible nod, and she didn’t think she’d ever been so grateful for him.  

For a brief moment, the raucous chatter and clinking glasses faded away, their gazes locking and cocooning them in their own little bubble where it was just the two of them, and Jess almost felt as if she could reach out and cup his cheek even when he was standing on the other side of the room.  Her breath caught in her throat, and she flashed back to her mother’s words as they’d worked side by side at the kitchen counter - I can see it in the way he looks at you.  Was she right?  Had Jess been oblivious all this time?  Because the way Rick was looking at her now was as if she was pure sunshine and he was bathing in her light, relishing in the way it painted his skin golden and finding that he was dangerously drawn to her heat, Icarus with his waxen wings, destined to fly too close and plunge into the turbulent oceans below.  For a fraction of a second, Jess was sure that they were both ablaze.

The moment broke when he found himself tugged into the inescapable cage of Auntie Sue’s embrace, and Jess found she could finally breathe again, snagging a glass of champagne that had been set aside on the table and knocking it back in one gulp before weaving her way through the crowd to join him, remembering her promise not to leave him alone.  She’d already broken it several times, and she resolved that she wouldn’t do it again if she could help it, though he seemed to be handling the attention and parade of new faces surprisingly well.  Perhaps it should have bothered her to some extent that he seemed more at home here than she did, now that the house was crowded and buzzing with conversation, but instead she was just pleased that she still felt able to lean on him, let him carry her through the afternoon without worrying that he might crumble under the pressure.

“Hey,” he greeted her warmly when she finally reached his side, snaking an arm around her waist as had become his habit whenever she was close, and she was sure she could get used to that, given half a chance.  “Sue here was just telling me about your line dancin’ phase.”

“Oh, man.”  Jess turned her head to bury her face in his shoulder, hiding her flushing cheeks from view as her mother and Sue laughed.  “Really, guys?  We’re starting with the embarrassing stories already?”

“Not quite what I imagined when you were talkin’ about teenage angst,” Rick teased.

“That came after.”

“Y’know, I think I like you even more now.”

Jess glared at him, though he knew her well enough to see the humour sparkling in her narrowed eyes.  “Shut up and kiss me, Grimes.”  

It was daring, and it felt like the sweetest revenge when he had to work fast to disguise the look of shock that flashed across his face, but it had the desired effect, the conversation ceasing as he reeled her in, slanting his mouth over hers and swallowing down the contented sigh that fell from her lips before she could stop it.  And he was right, it felt natural, perhaps because they’d practised it, or perhaps because it was the most natural thing in the world for Rick to kiss her and her to kiss him back.  She felt, rather than saw, her mother and Sue move off, leaving them to their quiet affection, and she could have pulled away then, fixed him with a scowl and snarkily told him that none of the tales of her youth that he heard this weekend should ever be shared around the station or else she would make him pay, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it, remembering that look in his eyes and hoping, just hoping, that maybe this meant as much to him as it did to her.  She tried not to acknowledge the possibility that she was setting herself up for a fall.

Gradually, the party had drifted outside, following John when he headed out to fire up the grill.  Jess had gotten caught up in a conversation with her Auntie Ree about her dog’s latest escapades and the resultant vet bill, so Rick found himself once again making himself busy, refreshing people’s drinks and fetching cans of soda for the kids.  His presence seemed to be largely accepted with quiet curiosity, but so far nobody has asked him any questions he hadn’t been equipped to answer.  Once or twice, he’d noticed Jess trying to catch his eye, cocking her head to check in on him, and he’d shoot her a nod or a wink, letting her know he was doing just fine.  In truth, he was happy to see her getting on with her family after her harsh words about them and her obvious insecurities.  He hadn’t quite known what to expect, but so far this was far better than he’d imagined it might be.  

It was as they sat down to eat, squeezing around the picnic tables and handing around platters of succulent meat, vibrant mixed salads and rolls warm from the oven, that he finally found himself back at her side, and he couldn’t resist the urge to reach out and touch her, smoothing his hand over the dip between her shoulder blades where her skin was tinted pink from the sun, humming in contentment when she leaned into him, instinctively seeking out more of the gentle contact.

“You doin’ okay?”

“I’m good,” she told him with a smile, taking a sip of her drink, and it must have been true or else Rick knew she would’ve knocked the contents of the glass back in one.  “Are you okay?  I feel like I keep abandoning you.”

“Nah, you don’t need to worry about me.  I’m fine.  I’m just here if you need me, alright?”

“I know.”  Her hand found his where it rested beside his overflowing plate and gave it a tight squeeze, and he turned his palm up so he could lace their fingers together, unable to tear his gaze away from her as she caught her bottom lip between her teeth, peering up at him from beneath her lashes.  She opened her mouth to speak again, and he desperately wanted to know what she was going to say, felt the same sense of anticipation he’d felt when she’d locked eyes with him across the kitchen not that long ago, but their tender exchange had drawn the attention of those sitting around them, and she was cut off before she could find the words.

“So, Rick.”  It was one of her cousin’s that spoke, though he couldn’t for the life of him remember her name - Cara maybe, or it could have been Steph.  “How exactly is it that you managed to tie our Jess down?  We’ve gotta hear that story because, I swear, I never thought I’d see the day.”

Jess’s brow creased in a frown, and her grip on Rick’s hand tightened before she let him go, picking up her knife and fork and spearing a potato, though she made no move to eat it.  “Really, Cara?  We just sat down.”

“What?” Cara’s eyes widened in an expression of innocence, but her smile was more of a smirk, and Rick guessed this was the interrogation that Jess had been expecting.  “C’mon, it’s not like you’ve got the best track record, and this guy looks like a catch!  Usually that’s a good enough reason for you to head for the hills!”

“I think what my daughter’s trying to say,” Auntie Sue interjected, “is that our Jessie has a bit of a problem with commitment.  So, we’re just wondering what it is you had to do to get her to… y’know, settle down.”

Jess visibly flinched at the accusation, but Rick was quick to swoop in and save her from biting out a response, trying to calm the conversation by steering it away from the past and focusing instead on the story they’d concocted.  “Well, I don’t know.  We met at work, but I’m sure you probably already heard that.  I was goin’ through a hard time, and she was the new girl learnin’ the ropes, and I guess we just gravitated towards each other, helped each other out.  I’m honestly not sure how I would’ve gotten through my divorce without her, and I knew as soon as those papers came through I was gonna take her out.  I’m just happy she let me.”

“See now, that makes sense,” one of the other cousins weighed in, and Rick could only assume that this one must be Steph. 

“How do you mean?”

 “I mean, of course Jess would go for a guy going through a divorce.  No offence or anything,” she added as an aside to Rick, who was only too aware of the tension emanating from the woman at his side.  “You’ve just gotten out of a serious relationship, so, there’s no pressure or anything - you’re safe!  It’s not like you’re gonna be in a hurry to put a ring on her finger or expect her to actually act like a grown up.  She probably thought she’d be your rebound girl, isn’t that right, Jessie?”

“Shut up, Steph.”  There was no venom in Jess’s words, despite the fire that flickered behind her eyes when she fixed them on the family that seemed determined to run her down.  She sounded flat, dejected, and Rick thought he almost would have preferred it if she’d come out fighting.

“Now, Jess, no need to be rude,” her mother chided her.  “We all know you’re not good when things get serious.”

“Mom-”

“That’s how my little girl ended up living so far away from me, after all.”  Jayne turned to Rick, and for the first time he found himself struggling to find a reason to like her, her kind-heartedness souring when spurred on by the others, only too eager to point out her daughter’s flaws.  “I’m sure you know all about her ex.  He was a good man, too.  Honestly, we thought they’d end up married one day, and then, out of nowhere, she ends it.  We were heartbroken.”

“Mom, please.”  Jess’s gaze was focused on her plate, as if she couldn’t bear to see the disappointment on her mother’s face.  “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“And I don’t want my only daughter to live three hundred miles away.”

“Well, King County’s lucky to have her.”  Rick’s hand landed on her knee beneath the table, rubbing soothing circles over the joint in a bid to calm her down and reassure her.  “As am I.”

“Oh, it’s nothing personal,” Jayne rushed to assure him, though it sure as hell felt like it was.  “It’s just that… Negan was one of the family.  He still is.  You’ll meet him later on, and you’ll be able to see what I mean.”

“What?”  There was the fight that Jess had been holding back, the question sharp and acidic as it fell from her lips.  “What are you talking about?”

“Your father’s invited some friends round to join us for drinks this evening, and Negan’s coming.”  Jayne sighed.  “Please don’t make this difficult, Jess.  You know he and your dad always got along.”

“You didn’t think to check with me that I’d be okay with this?”

“It’s your father’s birthday party.  I thought you’d find a way to be okay with it so that he could enjoy his special day!”

“Well, I can’t!”  There were tears shining in Jess’s eyes now, and she excused herself in a hushed snarl, storming across the yard and into the house without a backwards glance, drawing confused stares from those at the other end of the cluster of tables who’d been oblivious to the heated exchange.  To anybody else, he was sure, it would look like a fit of rage driving the pace of her footsteps, but he could see the way her shoulders shook as she wrapped her arms around herself.  He had to bite his tongue before he put the women that had hurt her in their place.

“I’m gonna go check on her,” he said, instead, ignoring the looks of amusement that were exchanged as he stood, turning his back on the gathering and pacing over the grass, trying to keep his fists from clenching at his sides.

Seeing no sign of her on the ground floor, Rick climbed the stairs, noticing that her bedroom door was shut where he’d left it open that morning.  He knocked gently against the varnished wood, his heart aching in his chest when he heard a stifled sob coming from the other side.  

“Jess?”

“Go away.”  Her voice was thick with tears, the words choked out in a ragged wheeze.  

“C’mon, let me in.  I just wanna see that you’re okay.”

“I don’t want to talk, Rick.”

“You don’t have to.  Please, Jess, just let me sit with you awhile.”

“No!”  Something crashed inside the room and he wondered what it was that she’d thrown in anger.  “Just leave me alone, okay?”

“Jess-”

“Go away!  You’re not my boyfriend!  You don’t have to be here, Rick, so just go!”

Her words cut like knives, and Rick swallowed hard, not knowing whether it was best to keep trying or leave her to cry in peace.  In the end, he heard the creak of the bed as she threw herself down on it, her cries muffled by what he could only guess was her pillow, and, with a soft sigh, he retreated.  He couldn’t help her if she wouldn’t let him.

*****

Jess felt defeated.  She wasn’t sure there was any other way to describe the utter hopelessness that seemed to penetrate deep into her chest, until it was all she could do not to shatter with the force of her sobs.  She’d thought this time would be different, that, by turning up with Rick at her side, a mature adult in a serious relationship, perhaps her family would see that she’d done the right thing by moving on, moving away and building a new life for herself.  Her mother had certainly seemed to when they’d spoken alone that morning, but her parents’ fondness for her ex had caused a bitterness that seemed to smoulder beneath the surface, flaring up whenever her aunts and cousins were around to stoke the flames.  In their eyes, letting Negan go had been a mistake, and she’d never been able to bring herself to tell them the truth, that the man they considered a friend, the son they’d never had and one that they were all too eager to welcome in to the family, had almost destroyed her, tearing her down at every opportunity, until she was so weak with anxiety that she’d thought she’d never escape.  It would break their hearts, she knew, to hear it, and so she’d kept it to herself, let them paint her as the villain.  It seemed that they would never let her forget.

Rolling onto her back as her tears finally dried up, leaving her cheeks clammy with moisture, she huffed a frustrated sigh, aimed more at herself than anyone else.  She’d shouted at Rick.  She’d known even as she was snapping out the words that it hadn’t been fair, that he was the one person there who was on her side, but she’d been so angry that she’d been unable to stop herself from lashing out at the nearest target.  At least a small part of it, she knew, was driven by her humiliation that he’d had to hear the things her family said about her, might perhaps start believing them because surely they should know her better than anybody.  And what would she do then?  If he couldn’t even bear to look at her as a friend, let alone as anything more?  She couldn’t help but wonder if he’d already climbed into his truck and driven away once she’d told him to go; she wouldn’t have been able to blame him if he had.  He certainly hadn’t signed on for this, and Jess had essentially thrown everything he’d done for her back in his face.  Fear and rage and mortification made her selfish, it seemed, and now she might have to face Negan alone.  The thought made her sick.

The mounting nausea combined with a frantic panic, knotting in her gut and tightening in her chest as she imagined how it would feel to watch Negan stroll into her family home after all this time, laugh with her parents, perhaps even try to talk to her, steal her away.  The room around her seemed to be getting smaller with every passing second, closing in on her, constricting her airways so that she couldn’t draw enough breath into her body, and her vision blurred at the edges as she climbed shakily to her feet.  It was a feeling that had become foreign to her in the past couple of years, yet was still familiar enough to send her into a tailspin.  She hadn’t had a panic attack since she’d moved away, but she could recognise the signs as easily as if it had been yesterday as her flesh prickled with an uncomfortable heat.  The only thing that had ever seemed to help her back then was escaping the four walls that enclosed her and inhaling greedy lungfuls of fresh air, but she was sure as hell not ready to go back out to the party and face the hyenas, their cruel laughter still ringing in her ears,  So, instead, she tiptoed quietly down the stairs, relieved when it seemed that nobody else had bothered to come after her, and slipped out of the front door.

The swing hung motionless from the sturdy branch of the old beech tree at the front of the house, no breeze to stir it in the stifling summer heat, and Jess settled herself down on the warped wooden seat with a melancholy smile.  How many hours, she wondered, had she spent in that exact position in her teenage years, worrying about exams or arguments with friends or embarrassing herself in front of a boy?  In some ways, her life had changed so much, and yet there she was, back where she’d started, swinging idly back and forth as she tried to work through her turmoil.  The air was sweet with the floral scent of the flowers that bloomed in the beds that lined the lawn, and the street was quiet, the only sound drifting around from the back of the house.  She tried her best to block it out.  Toeing off her sandals, she buried her feet in the grass, letting the warmth spread up through her soles and into her legs, and, gradually, she felt the tightness in her chest ease, allowing her to breathe deeply again, her panic slowly ebbing away like the receding tide.  

The rope was coarse beneath her fingers as she wrapped her hands around it, kicking out so that she’d swing faster and higher, forcing a light rush of air in the muggy afternoon that felt cool and refreshing against her heated skin.  All at once, she was a child again, chasing the thrill of climbing as high as the swing would go, and she tipped her head back, letting the sunlight dapple her face through the leaves as she propelled herself forward again and again.

It wasn’t until she felt eyes on her that she slowed, her movements stilling and letting the swing come to a natural stop as the attention tingled at the top of her spine.  She didn’t need to turn to know it was Rick, could tell by the scuff of his worn cowboy boots when he moved closer, the scent of his cologne tantalising her senses as he stepped up behind her and gave her a gentle push.

“You didn’t have to stop on my account.”

“You’re still here.”

“Course I am.”  He continued to push her, large hands pressing lightly against her waist to keep up the momentum of the swing, though he made no move to send her as high or as fast as she’d been going before.  “Couldn’t leave without knowin’ you were okay.”

“I’m sorry about what happened back there, and for how I spoke to you upstairs.  You didn’t deserve that.”

“Neither did you.”  Jess huffed a sigh, and, when she let her feet trail along the ground, Rick let her come to a halt, his chest solid and safe as she leaned back against him.  “You wanna talk about it?”

“About what?” she bluffed, though she knew exactly what he was asking.

“Your ex.”  Rick’s fingers danced down the length of her arms before trailing back up again and coming to rest on her shoulders, absentmindedly kneading away the tension at the base of her neck.  “I mean, I know you’ve told me about him before but… I get the feelin’ there’s more to the story than it just not workin’ out.”

“That’s the only story they know.”

“So, what really happened?”

His hands continued in their work to rid her of the stress that held her rigid, and she focused on his touch, reminding herself how much she trusted this man, how dependable he’d always proved himself to be.  She had nothing to fear from telling him the truth.  “Negan was…  We were together for a long time, but you already know that.  They all laugh at me like I couldn’t commit, but I was.  I did.  I committed myself to him for years.  But… It wasn’t like they think it was.  We weren’t happy all that time.  If I’m honest with myself, we probably weren’t happy past the first few months.  He had a nasty streak.  He- he could be… cruel.”

“Did he…”  Rick sucked in a deep breath, and he had to let his hands drop away from Jess before he risked bruising her as he felt a wave of anger wash over him.  “Did he hurt you?”

“Not physically.  He never hit me or anything,  He wasn’t violent.  He just… He had this way of making me feel like I was completely worthless, like… like nothing I ever did was right or good enough or…  I don’t know.  I’m probably not describing it very well.  It felt like he played on every insecurity I had until I was so anxious I struggled to even leave the house without him.  He managed to distance me from my friends, made it so that I was convinced my family would choose him over me if I left, although… Well, I guess he might’ve been right about that.”

“Jess-”

“He just… He destroyed me, Rick.  He tore me apart every single day until I was just a shell, and… When I left him, I wasn’t planning on leaving and starting a new life.  I just knew that, if I stayed, I was going to reach a point where I’d rather be dead, and that scared me enough that I finally managed to end it.  Moving to King County, finding… finding myself, finding you...  That was just luck, I guess.”

Jess hadn’t even noticed that she was crying again until Rick rounded the swing and dropped to his knees in front of her, cupping her cheeks and using the pads of his thumbs to wipe away her tears.  And then he gathered her into his chest and held her so tightly that she thought she might just merge right into him, the two of them becoming one.  It didn’t seem like such a bad thing.  

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“It’s fine.  I got through it.”

“You shouldn’t have had to.”  When he met Jess’s eyes, his own were shining with emotion, and she touched her forehead to his, hating that he seemed to have an endless capacity to take on her pain.  She’d never wanted to put that on him too.  “You need to tell them, your folks.  They should know-”

“I can’t.  It would kill them, Rick.”

“And not tellin’ them is killin’ you.”  He was right; of course he was right.  Still, she couldn’t picture how it would play out, her pulling her mother and father to one side and telling them the truth.  In her head, the only possible outcome would be them casting her out, and she knew that would hurt just as bad, if not worse.  “Jess, I can help you if you let me.  Please, let me.”

“I-”  Jess wasn’t really sure what she would have said if she had a chance to finish, was sure that, regardless, she would have given into the temptation to tilt her head so she could kiss Rick, lose herself in him, drink him in while she was still allowed to, because apparently he was still okay with being close to her despite everything that had happened over the past couple of hours.  But she didn’t get the chance, the moment cut short as a sleek black car rolled up to the kerb in front of the house and came to a stop.  She flinched in his grasp.  “Shit.”

*****

Rick could feel the tension emanating from Jess as they watched the lean figure climb from the car, her agitation so thick in the air that he could almost taste it, a bitter tang on the tip of his tongue.  He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting from her ex.  He’d never seen any photos and, up until then, she’d only really spoken about her past relationship in the sparsest detail.  The first thing he took in was the cocky grin painted over the man’s face, pure confidence that just tipped over the line into arrogance, if his time with the sheriff’s department had taught him anything.  The second was that he was older than Rick would’ve imagined, the stubble that coated his cheeks peppered with silver, deep lines crinkling around his eyes, though his slicked back hair was still thick and dark.  And the third was the swagger to his walk, wholly unaffected as he strode across the grass towards them, as if he wasn’t approaching the woman whose life he had made a living hell for years.  

Rick’s hands itched to ball into fists and lay the asshole out, buy himself a moment to explain to him exactly how a woman should be treated, but he knew it would only make everything worse.  Instead, he vowed that he would stick to Jess’s side like glue for the rest of the day, make sure that she wasn’t left alone with this man for a second.  It was the least he could do.

“Well, guns a’blazin’!  Jess!  Gotta say, I didn’t think you’d actually fuckin’ show!  This is one hell of a surprise!”  His voice was deep and gravelly, a honeyed drawl, and Rick was sure that it was just seductive enough to lure unsuspecting women into his clutches, so charming it would make every twisted lie he spoke that little bit more believable.  “I know, I’m a little early, but I figured I’m basically family, right?  Sure John and Jayne won’t mind.”

“Negan.”  Jess’s voice was remarkably even, considering that she’d been in tears not five minutes before, and Rick felt a strong surge of pride for her as he eased himself to his feet.

“You must be the ex.”

“And who the fuck are you?”

“Rick.  Rick Grimes.”  And if Rick used his knowledge of pressure points to make sure that the handshake they exchanged was borderline painful for the other man, he would never admit to it. 

“Well, Rick Rick Grimes, mind if I steal our girl here for a quick talk.  It’s been a long time, and I’m sure-”

“That’s not gonna happen,” Rick told him, his tone brooking no argument, and he watched as Negan’s brows raised in surprise, his smile faltering for a fraction of a second before he recovered himself just as quickly.

“Wow, I see how it is.  Fuck, I only wanted to catch up, but if that’s gonna cause a little trouble in paradise between the two of you, I’ll keep my distance.  I’m not here to get into a dick swingin’ contest.”

“Why are you here?” Jess slid to her feet, sticking so close to Rick that he could feel the weight of her leaning into his side.  “It’s been two years, Negan.  Thought you’d have moved on by now.”

“I was invited, and you know how well I always got along with your family, doll.  Seemed rude not to swing by and wish your old man a happy birthday.”

“Maybe you should go do that then.”  Rick fixed Negan with a steely glare, the one that had proved so effective in making multiple suspects cave during questioning.  “They’re out back.”

“Well, alright then.”  Finally, it seemed, he turned to walk away, his pace unhurried as he strolled into the house, and Rick was free to turn his focus back to Jess.  Her gaze was still fixed, unwavering, on the front door that Negan had just disappeared through, and Rick stepped in front of her, forcing her to look up at his face instead.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Not really,” she admitted.  “I’m glad you were here though.  Thank you for that.”

“I meant what I said.  I’m not gonna leave you alone with him, I promise.”  And she looked so small and afraid, despite his words, that he did the only thing he could think of, ducking his head to kiss her, sweet and soft.  He thought he should probably be worried that it was proving time and again to be the easiest option when it came to calming her busy mind, knowing that there’d come a point when he wasn’t allowed to just capture her mouth and kiss her stresses away anymore, but it felt so natural that he decided not to question it, for now at least.

Jess was smiling when she pulled away.  “You trying to distract me or something?”

“Did it work?”

“Maybe.”  She shrugged, but there was a flush to her cheeks that told Rick it had worked at least a little, and her next words only confirmed it.  “Might need you to do that a few more times if I’m gonna get through the rest of the day.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”  And he silently swore that he would take the chance to kiss her every single time he saw sadness or anger or fear flicker across her face while he still could, for her and for him.

*****

Drop me an ask if you’d like to be added to the tag list for this fic!

Feedback is always appreciated and reblogs make me smile 🖤 Thank you for reading x

#the walking dead #the walking dead fanfiction #rick grimes #rick grimes x ofc #rick grimes fanfiction #rick grimes x oc #twd #twd fanfiction #lost in the act

[myjunkisyuzuruhanyu]

Do you think Shoma will attempt the 4a if Ilia and/or Yuzu (and/or Artur, credit where credit's due) lands it in competition?

I think it's bound to happen that if the 4A is landed in competition more skaters will train it. Before the 4A was deemed impossible - Artur Dmitriev Jr 's first attempt back in 2018 was just nowhere near rotated, so ppl dropped the topic quite quickly - now that Yuzu seriously openly attempted the 4A since the GPF 2019 and seeing how close it could get, it was in the talks. Yuzu's attempts in the 2021 - 2022 season and Ilia's newest attempts that are cleanish and landed upright in training (btw it's said that Yuzu has landed the 4A in training before he injured himself in fall 2021 as well just that there is no public footage) show that the 4A will happen in the future. Maybe not right away landed in competition, but more ppl will train it and it will happen in competition.

Will Shoma join the "4A club"? I can imagine Shoma trying it in practice. I think it depends on the attempts how seriously he will train it. But I don't think he will work on it this season. What I seriously doubt is Shoma joining the skaters mentioned above in the race who lands it first.

I actually still think in the current rules the 4A isn't worth trying. I understand why skaters are chasing it and don't get me wrong challenging yourself is always worth it, but currently point wise it doesn't give you much advantage. The risk of not landing it or even getting seriously injured is very high. To be frank other layouts without the 4A are easier and will probably lead to a same amount of points. Also training a jump with another revolution can also mess with the original jump. So what good is a messy 4A, if you messed up the 3A that was a safe point racker before.

For the sake of health I hope Shoma doesn't train it and I hope Yuzu, Artur and Ilia don't injure themselves (further) trying it.

I know there is a big discussion going on about the 4A and now that it seems possible there is a hype. But I'd rather keep out of the discussion.

You may have noticed that I am not constantly talking about the 4A, just occasionally related to Yuzu, so frankly I am just not hyped about it, I remain scared.

Just a quick reminder, though as a Yuzu fan I hope that Yuzu is the one to land the 4A first internationally, the 4A doesn't belong to any skater. Yuzu definitely is a big reason for the 4A challenge being on the table, but it remains to be seen who will do it in competition first.

Also reminder to take training videos with a grain of salt. There are many skaters who landed jumps in training but were never able to land them in competition. For example Shoma has showed many times that he is capable of doing the 3A4T combo, he even attempted it in competition twice, but was unsuccessful. Training is different than competition. In training you can concentrate on one jump element, in competition you have a performance to do, you also have to do more different jumps, there are nerves, adrenaline etc. Also one recorded attempt even two, don't tell you anything about how often the attempt was unsuccessful. So while all 4A attempts are impressive, it still doesn't tell anything if it will really happen in competition. In competition you cannot jump 50 times to make one happen. You have one chance, maybe a 2nd if you attempt it in both programs.

#figure skating #4a #replies #Tbh i am already tired of the 4a discussion #I think there are far more interesting and concerning topics to talk about #If it happens it happens #If yuzu lands it ofc i will celebrate it #Until then don't expect me to talk much about it

[gladiolidiaries]

quackity priv tweets talking about content/his english audience

12/22/22: im feeling under the weather guys no driving stream i am sorry :(

12/20/22: ME AND F**LISH (FOOLISH) ARE GOING ON A DRIVING DATE TOMORROW AND IM STREAMING IT (DONT TELL HIM ITS A DATE)))(

12/7/22: Want to take the time to thank all the English speaking viewers who take the time to learn o try to learn the Spanish language to understand some of the content. It’s the coolest and cutest thing ever. Don’t worry to those who don’t anyway, lots of HUGE stuff coming for yall

10/19/22: I’m genuinely upset that throughout my career I’ve been seen as a horrible cook for all the silly little cooking streams I’ve done, when I OBVIOUSLY am not that shit at cooking. On Saturday I’ll do an actual serious cooking stream to prove all of you wrong because I’m sick of it

10/11/22: thank u guys for being so sweet and so nice to me at twitchcon. had a blast meeting every single one of you, both from my English speaking and Spanish speaking community i will proceed to yell from happiness AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

9/25/22: DOING A SHORT SPANISH STREAM THEN DOING THE $5k CLOTHES STREAM RIGHT AFTER ❤️

9/22/22: FUN STWEAM THIS WEEKEND

9/17/22: i'm going through so much footage and so many scripts that explain SO much. I wrote all the scene contexts with such depth, this is gonna be amazing

9/15/22: In one of the upcoming days I’ll be doing a FULL ON behind the scenes stream of ALL the Las Nevadas footage/scripts/images/bloopers I’ve obtained throughout almost 2 years of DSMP. :)

9/12/22: I WANNA DO A DRIVING STREAM AGAIN SO BAD

9/7/22: IM SO FUCKING NERVOUS THIS NEXT LORE STREAM IS A LITERAL MOVIE IM GETTING SHAKY JUST EDITING IT I CANT BELIEVE WHAT IM LOOKING AT OMFG. AND YALL KNOW I DONT OVERHYPE WHERE THERE IS NO HYPE THIS IS FUCKING THE GREATEST THING EVER; LORE STREAM TIME WILL BE ANNOUNCED TOMORROW

9/2/22: BIG ANNOUNCEMENT TODAY

8/25/22: i cant believe how fucking crazy this whole lore is ending up looking like lol

8/13/22: Despite it being short, had so much fucking fun with this stream can’t wait to do it again soon. Love and appreciate u guys so much

8/12/22: MAIN CHANNEL VIDEO OUT TOMORROW (SATURDAY) DRIVING STREAM TOMORROW (SATURDAY) ALSO OPENING THIS ACCOUNT RIGHT NOW

8/11/22: BIG VIDEO BIG STREAM BIG LORE THE DELIVERY DATE ON ALL OF THESE IS VERY APPROXIMATE IN TIME

7/30/22: I just hit a million subscribers on my Spanish channel and I cannot thank you guys enough for everything. Iwouldn’t be able to do this in Spanish if not for the insane support my English community has brought me throughout the years. Love and appreciate you all so much ❤️; It may not seem out of the ordinary but being able to do all this in Spanish as well has been a dream I’ve had since I was a kid. I feel so blessed to have TWO amazing communities. Cant wait to bring a lot more incredible content to everyone!!!!

7/27/22: miss u guys!!

6/26/22: I REALLY MEAN IT WHEN I SAY I LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU GUYS SO MUCH ❤️; I feel so emotional, a few days ago I got to stand inside the boxing ring of the BIGGEST ever Twitch event ever made in history with many of my Spanish friends. You guys have given me these opportunities and I’m so fucking grateful to have TWO massive and supportive communities!

6/15/22: For the next 3 days (or less) I’m participating in a huge Spanish Minecraft event on my alt Twitch channel :-) Super appreciative of those who come and support the streams despite not knowing Spanish. In one of these days I’ll raid into my main and do an English stream btw ^_^

4/11/22: MY VIDEO IS NEARLY FINISHED SO MANY BIG THINGS COMING IM SO EXCITED I LOVE U ALL I CANT WAIT

4/2/22: Hey guys, sorry for the lack of activity recently. I’ve been working hard on literally my favorite fucking video of all time. I say this for each video I make and I mean it every time. It’s coming out soon and im so fucking excited for you guys to see. Big fucking plans ahead ily

3/20/22: i remember after working on my last lore stream every day from morning to night for a month, i remember the morning after the stream, i woke up at 5AM and i literally just went to the beach and sat there for an hour it was so nice. im so happy to see everyone getting the merch; i have so many projects in the works and i can’t wait to replicate this feeling many more times in my life

3/9/22: I just filmed the most incredible video I think I’ve ever done in my career. I’m so fucking happy for these opportunities. Love you all I’m so excited to show you

2/24/22: AHHHHHHH school has been super difficult on me recently but i have so many projects on standby ready to go!!! thank you guys so much for the patience i promise theres some really big stuff for you all soon!!!!

2/21/22: STREAMS BACK IN FULL FORCE SOON 😈😈😈 HAVE A BUNCHA COOL THINGS PLANNED BUT ID STILL LOVE 2 KNOW WHAT U GUYS WANNA SEE

2/12/22: i miss you guys. ive been incredibly busy but working some incredible fucking stuff. i feel excited and very blessed

oh thanks for sending that. i think deep down he probably wants to shift to Spanish only but knows that a big % of people are attached to his english content so he keeps trying to say that things are coming

[epitomees]

🌻

New Ask Game! Send me a 🌻 and I’ll just tell you whatever the fuck I want to talk about!

((Can I just say how excited I am to play Persona 3 once it comes out? I don't need to go through the hassle of trying to port it or download it somewhere on the Internet, or borrow the game my roommate played to the point he had to MOD IT so he could control his teammates. I'll ACTUALLY be able to play it on my Switch, or my PC.

I don't know a single thing about Persona 3 other than the main protags, since there's a female MC which I AM DEFINITELY PICKING ONCE IT COMES OUT, the Persona they use?, and most of the team members' names. Tartarus is the big dungeon for the game, too, but that's all I know about it. I don't have a single clue about the plot, the other members' Personas, or anything else that happens. I'm doing my damn best to avoid spoilers for it too, and I know it's not easy since I'm...already RPing in the Persona fandom.

BUT I'M JUST SO HYPED FOR THAT FACT I'LL ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO PLAY IT!! I've heard nothing but good things from my roommate about it, as well as some friends too. I've already listened to some OST tracks from the game but I CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR IT IN CONTEXT!!))

#out of cards #mun stuff #thedetectiveofinaba #((the more Persona games I can play the happier I'll be #now finding a way to play 1 and 2 will be the REAL hassle #I could always watch a playthrough but I enjoy experiencing the game myself to get the full effect))

[nemisis09]

Red, White, and Royal Blue

OK so I have to rewrite this because I deleted my first draft which is absolutely fantastic but we’re going to skip over that for now Duck I’m officially succumb to the media and the lovely recanting of books, and they have yet again been able to persuade me from my natural instinct of just walking around randomly at my local library, and picking up different books. However since my mother called me and said that she had an audiobook credit that was about to expire I decide to take my chance with this book. And to say the least the red white and royal blue is parentheses how did the kids say worth the hype. First of all to start quick synopsis original synopsis. First son Alex on the steadfast course to being the youngest congressman of US history is also on a steadfast course to being mortal enemies with young English playboy Henry. But with neither of them counts into the equation is, feelings stupid stupid feelings. But they also don’t count in it Family countries and what seems to be the whole world being out for them. OK now that is over let me tell you this Hass to be one of the most fantastic books I’ve ever read. But before I get into that I would like to put out a general PSA on the fact that I hate all and I mean all audible books, even audiobooks. I don’t know where it stems from I don’t have ADHD I don’t have any kind of problem that would make me ever lose focus even when I am enjoying a book however when it comes to me and audiobooks they have a personal reputation with myself notorious if you will of being dreadful and terribly boring to listen to I have absolutely no idea what’s going on ever. Even back to the time that my aunt would listen to them in the car will drive me places yes I know terribly unsafe but she was an ERnurse and I am completely still alive, but anyway back to the book this book is amazing but not for the reason either of the other books that I reviewed before were great but rather because this book was like reading a Wattpad fanfiction, except for it wasn’t fanfiction it was real it was actual characters that I could admire and relate to it was representation at the finest it was fluff and smart and spicy and cute at the same time and I cannot even begin to describe the amount of passion within this book. I’ve never been a big believer of love and shocking I know not like other girls aesthetic if you will but from now till the time I was five I would always tell people that I only thought that you love existed  in books or fairytales, but this story it was truly and completely a love story proving that love can conquer overall Iraq quickly and lovely all at the same time. Anyway now that we’re done with that cheesy trash I would just like to say that this book made me feel warm and almost, almost bubbly, but not quite and nonetheless the writing, a storyline, and overall inclusion that this book tells is enough to make me want to read it forever and to see the story of Alex and Henry continue forever. 

* Also I severely apologize for this tremendously because I deleted the best draft I have ever written and I am so tired because it is one am here but I needed to produce something so here have this I might remake this and make it better but I don't know yet so yeah. Go drink some water, do your homework and listen to your mom. Good night kids

#rushed #redone #RWRB #red white and royal blue #casey mcquiston #booklover #book blog #books #Bookreview

[ijustneedtoblog]

there used to be so many things i enjoyed in life. painting, dancing, drawing, taking long drives, screaming at the top of my lungs to songs i absolutely loved, making sure my room was always clean, doing my makeup, eating normally, running while listen to really good music, hanging out with all of my friends, going out to eat, spending time with my family, seeing my mamaw laugh or punching my dad in the arm and making him fight me back and then laugh and tell him he was too old, going shopping with my sister, taking my nieces places, talking to people i didn’t know just to pick their brain, i used to love taking nice bubble baths and quick showers because the water made me feel alive.

the other day one of my friends asked me “hannah you used to love dancing, everytime we went out or you heard a song you danced, why don’t you anymore, you used to be so hype?”

and i couldn’t honestly answer that. i guess life is just so overwhelming i can’t enjoy the little or big things anymore. i don’t even know how to enjoy anymore. i don’t even know who i am anymore or what i’m doing anymore. i feel like a prisoner, and i think now it’s so sad that we have to feel like that, but we don’t. we can make changes, and they may only be good for a little while, or for a long time, BUT we have to make them. one day i’ll be dancing again, one day i’ll take a long car ride without a panic attack, one day i’ll go running to my favorite playlist, screaming the words, one day i’ll pick up another paint brush and put it on my wall, one day i’ll be able to go into a restaurant like a normal person without a panic attack one day i’ll do everything i’m holding myself back from because i’m so unhappy with my life right now, the sadness, the grief, the anxiety, the panic, the depression, the manic, the feeling of being so tied down to life is mentally exhausting that sometimes i block out all the good. some days, well rather i want to just scream and cry and punch a wall or go off the walls, others i’m so overwhelmed i can’t get out of bed and everything is too hard that i forget who i am. i used to be so brave, funny, would do anything to get a laugh from someone and now i’m just lost.

people think it’s silly that it’s hard for me to get in a car and go a long distance, but never asked “ why is it hard for you?”

people may think it’s silly that it takes me 30 minutes to shower, but 15 minutes of that 30 is me crying because the water is gonna touch my skin and i don’t want to feel touched.

all of the trauma, the abuse, the HURT and the pain, the anxiety. it’s all there for a reason. i wish i could take all of it away, and be normal once again. but i cannot and i don’t know how to further go on.

#mentalhealth #mentalillness #ptsdawareness #childhood ptsd #trauma

[layingeggs]

Watched the Barbie film. Then I watched that Lisa vs Malibu Stacy, as some online had said that it does the same job but better.

At their heart, these are two very different stories. Lisa vs Malibu Stacy is a deliberate and conscious story of feminism. Barbie is not.

Barbie is a story about self and reflection through media. Namely, the way that little girls see themselves and see others around them, such as boys or their mothers, eventually becoming mothers and how they see their daughters.

Not 'Barbie is a girl and I am a girl so I am Barbie', but rather Barbie as a space in which multiple conflicting ideas can coexist and be worked through and processed in a way they might never be outside of Barbie.

It's crucial that at the center of the film is a mother and daughter who cannot communicate with each other and only begin to communicate with each other once they start playing with dolls together. The doll is not simply the image of the self mirrored back to you, the doll is the self changed and distorted and amplified such that you yourself can change.

Lisa vs Malibu Stacy has nothing on this. We have some interesting mother daughter interactions but it's mostly focusing on Lisa's alienation. They never reconcile their difference and Lisa's feminism is never understood by her friends or family.

The one point though where these two works do come together, and where Lisa vs Malibu Stacy is the clear and undeniable winner, I think it has to be the use of mattel.

Both of them have the legacy of Barbie taking on new meaning in the lives of girls and so spinning out of the corporate control. Both of them have the corporate executives becoming aware of this and conspiring to crush the spirit of girls and sieze control of dolls and maintain their profit margins. Both of them are shown to be ineffectual for the sake of comedy, but then you have that crucial difference.

Barbie's mattel ultimately don't actually care about the corporation or the conspiracy. There's literally a line where the CEO says he 'didn't get into this business for the bottom line,' he 'did it for the little girls'. In the climax of the film, the corporate characters aren't even written to be consistent from this defanged narrow perspective. They just let Barbie do whatever she wants.

Whereas Malibu Stacy's mattel have a bit of floundering at first for the sake of comedy, but ultimately they are the bad guys of the story and can't just be handwaved away. Especially crucial that they win out in the end with a still ineffectual and daft strategy, but a strategy that works nonetheless precisely because of its use of consumerism. That the hype machine and advertising of any widely known brand or franchise is always going to stamp out any valid or good criticism in the end.

Truthfully I cried at both of these works. I cried a lot. But Lisa vs Malibu Stacy wins out in the end for me. Partly because of a more coherent feminist message but also partly just my own preferences.

Barbie ends on the big happy ending. Everyone gets what they want. And bizarrely mattel want Barbie to have what Barbie wants.

Lisa vs Malibu Stacy has the more human and flawed ending, which I am always going to prefer to a happy ending. Just my preference! That mattel are able to crush her feminist criticism of Malibu Stacy. But at the end of the episode we see that one solitary little girl buying the alternative doll. And Lisa saying maybe it was all worth it if we got through to her.

You know, Barbie almost has that! There's one bit where Barbie has a meltdown and the mother character, hold on, what are their names? I think Sasha is the daughter. Let me look this up.

Okay. Gloria and Sasha. Right, so Barbie is having a meltdown, and Gloria has decided to give up on her and just head back to the real world and let Barbieland be as it may. But her daughter Sasha then tells her no. You have to fight for girls. You have to at least try.

But then we get the happy ending, don't we? She tries to fight for girls, and it works! And everyone gets what they want. Contrast with Lisa vs Malibu Stacy where Lisa tries to fight for girls and is defeated. But there's those little victories along the way. That it's still worthwhile even if it doesn't work out. That girls and women are still worth fighting for even if you don't win.

I don't know. I always prefer those endings! I don't want to hear about people who got everything. That annoys me. LOL I want to hear about people who were left behind, people who didn't make it, but still kept on living anyway. That's what matters to me.

Quick comments on other obvious comparisons. Bart and Ken. Both can be said to represent insecure boys who cannot stand girls having just one little thing for themselves. Ken eventually works through his insecurities and overcomes adversity. Bart shrinks and transforms into a corncob.

I think the Bart storyline is a suitable blunt dismissal of a misogynistic thinking that a story about feminism/women and girls shouldn't need to address anyway.

But I also feel that the Ken storyline in Barbie works really well with the core concept of dolls as reflection of the self. Ken having the crisis of identity needs to be there as this is the girl working through her understanding of boys around her, perhaps even working through her own male self. I don't think the Ken storyline was as good as it could have been, but narratively I think it is important and that's what really matters here.

And then there's Ruth Handler and Stacy Lovell. I much much prefer Lisa vs Malibu Stacy actually involving Stacy Lovell in the feminist discourses and labours. Ruth Handler being a deus ex machina is just daft I feel. Having her be an actual woman who lives with misogyny in her life but still cares about inspiring little girls is I think much more interesting than having her be an immortal ghost haunting a corporation who in real life were horribly abusive towards her.

The comment about 'her story would have to be its own film', when the Simpsons just casually mixed that story in to a 20 minute tv episode.

But The Simpsons did have me researching Ruth Handler to find out if she was actually a treasonous communist if that was just a wild exaggeration.

As far as I can tell, Ruth Handler was not a communist, or at least not specifically collaborating with the Viet Cong. As far as I can tell, she was either innocent of tax evasion, or embroiled in tax evasion with others at mattel, and they turned her in to both protect themselves and also keep her feminist politics out of the company.

Again, the Barbie film goes some way to discussing that tension of feminist politics inside the company of mattel and the ways that capitalism will work to control and repress and assimilate that. But mostly it's subtext or just handwaved away with comedy. Whereas in The Simpsons it is very much front and center.

So that's my conclusion I think. Barbie has a lot more to say about girls and identity and relationships, but Lisa vs Malibu Stacy is the more coherent and honest feminist thesis.

#Barbie #Lisa vs Malibu Stacy

[moonstation888]

10/21/22: Unlearning Perfectionism

Hello internet people ! Today I felt like writing about perfectionism, something that I have been constantly plagued by for years and am finally starting to unpack and let go of and I’d like to talk about it!

Sometimes I think I don’t know enough. Always in search of more knowledge that will give me what I want, to be able to seamlessly translate the thoughts and feelings from my mind into reality and for someone else to understand. I think a big part of it has to do with perfectionism. Like if I can’t absolutely articulate an idea or feeling I’m having perfectly so the receiver will understand in the way I feel it, then its not even worth doing.

And I think there’s a lot to say about that. For one there’s the classic, you’ll never know if you don’t try. And secondly, I think this school of thought tends to neglect the beauty of perspective. My desire and need for perfectionism in conversation with others tends to negate the fact that they actually shouldn’t understand my thoughts in the exact way I do and that’s a good thing. Offering different feedback on an opinion I hold can be really beneficial and I always seemed to be shocked when it happens and I’m like oh… I wasn’t expecting you to receive it that way, but I actually like it.

I’m not sure why we perfectionists feel the need to be perfect. Maybe its trauma or simply just wanting validation, the fear of rejection. The fear that if I do not articulate myself perfectly, you’ll misunderstand me and judge me based of a perception that isn’t true to me. But the truth is its okay to be misunderstood and its not our job to make people understand us, our minds, or hearts. Trying is better than doing nothing out fear.

I’m really starting to grasp that as I enter this new phase of my life.

I’m starting to unpack my desire to be perfect and the way that need inhibits me in so many aspects of my life.

I’m realizing my perfectionism is a lot like the devil on one’s shoulder. It sits there all day, telling me no, you can’t do this because it isn’t good enough. You can’t do it because you haven’t perfected it. You don’t have a right to speak on that until you know every possible thing about it or can articulate it to the point of no-question.

Which in turn negates even my own perspective on things.

It deletes perspective from the entire conversation.

There is only being perfect and nothing else.

There is no room for nuance of my own thoughts or another’s and if it isn’t perfect, it isn’t worth it.

Another thing perfectionism really inhibits is growth. Because as we all know mistakes and failure are the mother to growth and change. You literally cannot change if you never allow yourself to fail or make mistakes.

Perfectionism is a fucking bitch and I’m tired of it. I think for most of my life I’ve been trying to be perfect and let me tell you, its fucking exhausting.

I want to make mistakes now, I want to fail, if it means I’m going to learn and grow from it. If it means I can finally push that devil off my shoulder forever, I’ll do it.

I’ve been stuck in the comfort zone of perfectionism for a long time now and I’m ready to step out. I have exhausted and burnt myself out so many times on a never-ending cycle of perfectionism I reached my breaking point. Like why am I doing this to myself still? What am I gaining from it? How is it serving me?

Well, it’s not. And it’s not serving you either.

As Jupiter prepares to enter Pisces in March 2023 I think there’s a lot to be said here about introspection and prioritizing our well-beings in real way. I see the collective ditching this toxic and narcissistic self-love and expanding our perception of self-improvement in a much healthier, and introspective way.

Because the truth is no matter how many times we tell ourselves we’re bad bitches and hype ourselves up extensively, it’s not actually going to “fix” anything. It’s a delusion of confidence.

Confidence doesn’t come from telling yourself you are confident and better than everyone else endlessly.

I think real confidence in who you are starts with introspecting, realizing hey I’m not that big of a fucking deal, because if you aren’t that big of a deal then who is? And when that happens, I think it creates so much room for healthy change and improvement, which will inherently bring confidence.

Realizing you can make mistakes; acknowledge the unhealthy patterns you have and owning them so that you may recognize them in your head, when they would normally float around up there unnoticed.

I am a perfectionist and its not fun, it ruins my ability to freely think and communicate.

And that’s only the first step, because once you acknowledge its there, you can recognize it in daily life. And when you can do that, you can effectively step back from it.

When you can recognize and step back from it, what ever patter it may be for you, you can replace it with something better.

And such is the beauty of change and failing.

Its actually funny because when I think about it I’ve been suffering under my perfectionism for so long, under the lie that I am working to be perfect, when in reality the strive to be perfect to the point of inhibition is failure in of itself. In a weird way I have been failing by trying to be perfect, and now I’m learning from that failure and changing and growing.

And that my friends showcases a fraction to which the mind can twist and convolute and self-delude.

Perfectionism convinces the mind of exactly the opposite of what it actually is.

Which is again why I think self-introspection and not holding ourselves (or anyone else) to these insane standards of perfection and expectation, learning to be indifferent, is so crucial to growth and truly prioritizing our well-beings so we might become happier humans.

I’ve been doing some hard introspection the past few months, as you might be able to tell lol, and it’s led to major epiphanies in the way I think. I’ve been able to recognize my previously subconscious thinking patters that are rather self-hating and when it happens, I’m like yo, my brain is really going off right now, and I recognize that pattern/ thought as something that does not help me and move on.

And I’m positive that after enough time those patterns will no longer exist in me because of how this act re-wires your brain into self-indifference, which is really the best thing we can be to ourselves and others. I’ve already started to notice the difference in my mind and how it manifests into my physical reality. Every day I’m plagued less and less by the previous perfectionism of my mind.

Depending on how you learn, you might be an ‘implement in the physical first, and then changes in the mind follow suit’ kind of person.

I however learn and change with my mind first, then it manifests into my physical world. So, by slowly changing my negative thinking patterns it has allowed me to prioritize my well-being physically and spend time caring for my physical self in ways I never did before.

Now, if you haven’t heard of the book Cringeworthy: The Theory of Awkwardness I HIGHLY recommend it the author Mellissa Dahl really expands on this idea of self-indifference and it has forever changed how I view myself for the better.

To summarize her main point: Self-love and self-hatred are both inherently narcissistic to be obsessing over your emotions and thoughts all day whether from the view of love or hate. And there’s a huge sigh of relief in realizing you and your thoughts just aren’t that fucking important.

Such is self-indifference.

I keep this in mind in my daily life and it’s really allowed me to start ditching my perfectionism in the past.

Accepting it’s existence and knowing I don’t have to hate myself for being like that, but I also don’t have to keep it around anymore. I can live and not be afraid to make mistakes and be misunderstood.

Because the truth is:

I’m just not that big of a deal to expect so much perfection from, and neither are you.

Writing these things out really helps me work through my feelings and thoughts, kind of like journaling so maybe it can help or offer some insight for you too!

That’s all, peace out!

#astrology #pyschology #philosophy #perfectionism #mental health #mental wellbeing #daily life #astro community #lgbtq

[adversityfought-a]

-`ˏ    @nitheful-gallows​   ˎ´-

→   //SLAMS IN. Okay I know I wrote you this on one of your other blogs before BUT still - I LOVE your portrayal of Chris so, so, SO much. You have so many thoughtful HCs for him, not just the big ones that develop him as a character in his storyline but all those small things?? It gives him so much personality and truly makes him your own portrayal and I honestly am a fan. Not to mention of course the throwing ideas, HCs and crack (that eventually turns into more HCs lmao) at each other. Also I'm super happy that your Chris and my Wesker just clicked so well? There was so much development on both sides in the past weeks and I am just hyped to keep doing this silly stuff - as well as the angst and everything else - with you! Also the little rambles where suddenly things fall into place and I just get hit with the angsty-hurty-train because Chris is such a complex character and he has been through so much but STILL deep down is his good-natured, gentle self?? I AM WEAK. Ok I will stop now but yeah I LOVE EVERYTHING PLEASE NEVER STOP.

 「   ASK MEME :   HOW’S MY PORTRAYAL?   」 🪴

I WILL GRAB U LIKE A SQUEAKY TOY  -  first of all —  I wouldn’t have attempted to write him again if you hadn’t have poked me into trying. I tell you all the time but I was so spooked to toss Chris at your Wesker for the longest time but  —  *looks at them now*.

I got nothing on why they clicked so well, but I’m not complaining cause I’m so fucking excited to develop them and dig into the past and future with em. There’s surprisingly a lot that I haven’t seen delved into and I’m beyond excited I get to do that and drag you down too lmao

YEAH IDK  -  if he’s as developed as he is now, I blame you ( affectionate ) cause you helped me so much by letting me bombard you with all my unhinged HCS and you always gave me a space I felt comfortable to jus… go off? I cannot tell you how rare it is for me that I feel like I’m not a bother or that my stupid small HCS actually matter. But for real, I didn’t expect his muse to come back this strong, but I’m so thankful he did and I am thankful I get to write with you as much as I do. You’re incredibly easy to bounce ideas off of and I love seeing what thoughts you have on Wesker and how you build him up to be more then just the big evil bad guy stereotype. I love seeing his more human moments, but I also love that even in the rebirth au, he’s still not completely redeemed, still a bastard as always. 🙏💕

BUT YEAH BACK AT YOU   -  CAUSE I AM INCAPABLE OF ACCEPTING COMPLIMENTS WITHOUT THROWING THEM RIGHT BACK, PLEASE KNOW I ADORE ALL YOUR MUSES AND HEAVILY ADMIRE THE AMOUNT OF DEPTH YOURE ABLE TO POUR INTO EVERY ONE OF THEM. 🙏😭💕

.

#-`ˏ ★ ˎ´- ─ ANSWERED OOC. #-`ˏ ★ ˎ´- ─ POSITIVITY. #Nitheful-Gallows #BRUHHHH HHHHH

[local-trashmouth]

what do I name this

ain't gonna write infos so let's just dump out all my random headcanons for Henry & Patrick because I am just a whore for them

Warnings: if you crush on these dudes you don't need warnings luv, also this looks shitty

(these are dating headcanons btw)

Henry Bowers

alright, he gives you knives, switchblades, whatever comes to mind.

you'll have to keep up with his bullshit, I'm sorry for all you soft girls/guys but he won't adapt to y'all

his love language is physical touch, thats it.

you two listen to my chemical romance and smells like teen spirit

when you stick around long enough, he'll open up to you little by little

he asks Belch to borrow the Trans AM, only to take you on a little roadtrip when you both aren't feeling great

he often doesn't need to talk to you to notice that something is wrong

big baby in private, he's all over you but when you say no he won't force you to anything

SLUT FOR HEAD PATS

like, PLEASE ruffle through his hair

he's ur personal hype man, if you are bigger, he'll help you choose outfits and encourage you to show more of yourself

when he's mad or upset you are the first person he goes to, you'll have to hold him or do something stupid with him to get his mind off of whatever bullshit his dad played on him

wether or not you like what he's doing to kids, you won't be able to stop him completely

Henry would never hurt you tho

he's very stubborn, so arguments or silent treatments can last up to weeks

if you are anxious he'll make sure that nobody dares to say anything wrong to you, and if it is based on yourself or insecurities he'll make sure you're okay once nobody is watching

if you are depressed, he'll totally drag you outta the house to help him on the farm, but if you have one of those days where you cant get outta bed he'll stay with you

Patrick Hockstetter

first of all, what were you thinking? How did you get yourself into this?

I am just curious.

he'll stay at a distance at the start

I can imagine that when he knows for sure that you are real he'll secretly be a little soft for you

but don't you dare tell anyone

he really isn't a good boyfriend, but sometimes he tries

that comes in form of taking you to the Quarry alone, holding ur hand and taking lots of mental notes when you are talking

it seems like he isn't listening, but trust me he is

he knows you better than you know yourself

seriously, he remembers everything about you

he shows up randomly at ur window and gets salty when you lock it lol

eventually he shows you his fridge but you have to swear that you won't tell anybody

once he thinks you are real, you are the most important person to him

if you are scared of knives and fire (like me) he'll scare the shit out of you with them, he thinks its super adorable how you freak out when he got his can & lighter in his hands alone, although he wouldn't hurt you with neither

as kinky as this bastard is, once you two are far enough into the relationship, he won't cross boundaries as much in fear of losing you

gives you one of his rings to wear on a chain

if you are bigger, man he cannot live a second without having a hand on you 24/7

I feel like he wouldn't care about ur weight too much, only if it goes into a unhealthy amount (no matter if low or high) he would talk to you about it

listens to AC/DC with you

smokes with you if ur into that

that stupid adorable grin, expect to see it daily

in private he'll do his best to give you a reason to love him, he steals shit for you etc.

I feel like he wouldn't like you interacting with his parents, they love you but he just doesn't like it too much

if you are a artist, he'll let you draw on his hands and arms (he asked you to draw skeleton hands onto his once)

maybe, just maybe if you really ask nicely enough and promise him some sex he'll let you braid his hair

#patrick hockstetter #it chaper one #patrick hocksetter x reader #patrick hockstetter headcanons #patrick hockstetter imagines #henry bowers #henry bowers x reader #henry bowers imagine #henry bowers headcanons #it stephen king