#I cant focus on my classes for shit

[gayvampyr]

Do you support prison abolition /paying prisoners a living wage / making being able to vote more accessible to everyone?

I like your stances and opinions and your jokes but I'm genuinely curious on this one.

(This is inspired by some of the comments under one of your posts talking about how we should just make democracy more livable under capitalism, and while I disagree with that being the ONLY thing we need to do, it does kinda make me think about how many people think we need to get better without abolishing prisons or at least treating our prisoners better than we are treating them currently.)

hi! i'm not sure which post you're referring to but I'm actually anti-capitalist. I think we need to dismantle capitalism as a system because it is inherently inhumane, working exactly as intended and therefore cannot be "fixed" without restructuring it entirely from the ground up; the devaluation of human labor and environmental destruction for profit is not a bug, it's a feature. i could delve into the kind of economic system that i think should replace it after dismantling it, however it's more of a thought exercise and until it becomes a plausible reality, i would rather focus on how we can make capitalism livable for the time being because we have no other choice. for example we could start by lowering rent, instituting a 4-day work week, and establishing support networks for homeless people. i'm not an economist so it's not like i have all the answers but according to the results from other countries who have applied these practices, it improves quality of life and the economy significantly.

as for prisons, i'm pro-abolition. you can check out my prison abolition tag for more information, but essentially prisons exist in this day and age as an industry that profits off of slave labor. many of our laws and their enforcers unfairly target minorities and lower class people, and the denial of convicts the right to vote is just another way our government strips vulnerable communities of their political power, autonomy, and supposedly inalienable rights. aside from the conviction of innocent people and people who did commit a crime but ultimately did no harm, i don't think it's the right of any individual (or government, for that matter) to imprison others. i think people tend to forget that "criminals" are human beings and deserving of the same rights as everyone else, and it is human nature to make mistakes. the important thing is the opportunity to do better. militarist propaganda has done an incredible job of convincing us that convicts are amoral and undeserving of our sympathy, turning society in general against them and destroying any sort of safety net they might have had or needed otherwise. and people are too busy clinging to the notion that criminals are subhuman and deserving of whatever punishment is dealt that they can't see that this is a slide into fascism, and that they can just as easily become "other" should they find themselves on the receiving end of the system. we are very close to living in a surveillance state, which means any minor offense or slip-up has the potential to completely decimate your chances at getting a job, applying for college, getting a loan, receiving housing, and especially being able to have a say in elections. it also makes you more likely to be arrested again on account of "suspected illegal activity", so your record follows you around for the rest of your life.

sorry this got so long but yeah, essentially capitalism and the prison industry are inhumane and should be abolished.

#voter suppression #prison abolition #militarism #capitalism #52018 #racism #classism #1312 #also before anyone brings up r/pe or other genuinely awful crimes that endanger people i have to posit the question: #how can we account for those crimes when the people arrested for them are are mainly minorities? #need i remind you that white women used to accuse black men of assault just to weaponize their white privilege? #to exert power over them out of fear or hatred? people convicted for violent crimes are disproportionately trans poor and POC #while the rest of people actually committing those crimes walk free because of the privileges of being cis/het/white/upper-class #and like. thats not to say that those crimes should go unrecognized. but the system we have and the people enforcing it are just not #capable of doing so fairly. they look for signs of abusive behavior in race. gender. sex. age. class. sexuality. religious beliefs. #very little investigation is performed and hardly any empirical data is used in ruling. if they cared about victims at all they would focus #on preventing abuse before it happens and giving us support and access to people and services who can help. as a victim and survivor #the gov did not give a shit about my abuse. we cant make a system built on suffering care about any of us. #and like. yall are so confident you'll be able to decide who is 'good' and who is 'bad' but you can't. its like the shit with amber heard. #everyone was so caught up in defending their favorite actor they disregarded a woman's account of her abuse and made her out to be crazy an #evil #and i know you think youre different and we can do it differently but it happens over and over and over again #tldr we cant use a system to prosecute the ''evil people of society'' that is built on defining those traits through a racist misogynistic #etc lens #if we could we wouldnt even be in this mess

[lycanthian]

THEY SHOULD INVENT A ME THAT CAN FOCUS ON LITERALLY ANYTHING AND I AM BEING DEAD SERIOUS

#lycan howls #delete later probably #i have finals next week and most of them are projects (i have to be at school to work on those) and one of them is like a real time exam #but one of them is a paper thats just die by a specific time and like #i cant focus on it for shit #that and the other paper i talked abt earlier which is a separate for the same class i need to do #and its driving me fucking insane #it feels like ive literally tried every trick in the book #every single thing that usually will let me focus #everything that other people recommend for focus #it sjust not fucking working today and its driving me isnane because these assignments are due in two days #and i plan on spending as much of the week as possible on my actual project assignments bc theyre for my major related classes #i need to be put down or sometjing because this is fucking unreal and i dont know how to fix it today

[bmpmp3]

ive been having a lot of fun incorporating embroidery onto paper drawings in school recently (inspired by a printmaking teacher i had once who sometimes stitched her prints, it looked really cool!) but one thing that has kind of been bugging me is how my instructors have been talking about the gendered aspect of it. i know using any form of textile practice in contemporary art is gonna get some kind of thoughts about the historical concept of "women's work" and i dont mind that thats chill thats like normal. its not what, i, the artist, is focusing on personally, but death of the author and all that, as an interpretation its an interesting thing to think about and equally as valid as my intention. also a good topic for essays and such

BUT today my instructor tried to convince me that i can embroider directly on printer paper instead of the thicker papers ive been using and i was like ABSOLUTELY NOT maybe YOU can but I have BIG CLUMSY SWEATY HOT MITTEN HANDS and i Destroy printer paper by looking at it funny. the second a photocopy reaches my skin its already wrinkled. gloves dont help my sweat is too powerful. im CLAMMY leave me ALONE hfkjrwefhjegrfe

and there is an unconcious bias ive been noticing of a lot of very progressively minded artists assuming that i can do this shit delicately. listen. embroidery can be a very delicate and masterful skill that people hone over decades. but not everyone who does it is that skilled master. some of us just like to clumsily sew string through stuff so they can feel the texture. and some of us are really sweaty.

#actually the way my class and department faculty in general talk about gender and feminism in art is a little offputting in general recently #the focus on softness and delicateness and stereotypical markers of femininity is chill thats like an interesting thing to think about #lots of things to explore and critique and then embrace as not innate 'womanly' things but as like. human. as women are human #that type of thing. but theres been a lot of simultaneous emphasis among my peers of like this universal womanhood? #woman as the archetype. and woman as something wholly different from anything else. and the universal 'sisterhood' #i dunno im like fat mixed race kinda gnc and more visibly disabled than i think i am so i was like #never gonna be fully brought into that supposed 'universal sisterhood' anyway #and whether i personally think of myself as a woman or not in general is nobodys business least of all my own #BUT it is bizarre - this universal womanhood narrative. i think exploring one's own femininity is extremely interesting. #is it soft? is it hard? something else? all kinds of ways to think about it #i think the pitfall im falling in with my peers is the habit of assuming you need to make art as a universal message: theres no such thing #any 'universal message' you make will always exclude people you dont mean to exclude #if you depict your universal womanhood as young and soft and skinny and feminine and nuturing - then i might wonder #about the women who are outside of that. what about that fat masc 60 year old woman who cant nuture for shit #(gets so hard i get naseous. i think i hauve covid) i dunno its on my mind a lot #maybe thats just the way things go even in art spaces that are trying to be progressive? always a type of woman who is in vogue #a type of woman who is considered the default? and whoevers outside of that is left out of the conversation entirely #(<- bmpmp3 discovering the basics of misogyny live in the tags of this tumblr post LOL but yknow what i mean)

[npdlangley]

i dont know why i struggle with math so bad i dont know where im going wrong

#txt #i mean i guess i struggle w memorizing formulas #and i try not to freak out on tests but i just... blank #the teacher can explain this shit to me a thousand times but i cant grasp it or understand #i feel like an idiot in the class #i keep getting 50s and 60s #i am going to fail my exam i just know it #why is it so frustrating i dont know whats wrong #i want to be better but i cant focus ever to work on it and i try to work on it but it doesnt make sense #why is everything so hard

[devilfruitdyke]

i dont wanna decide on a career unfortunately everyone wants me to soso bad

#i have to have it in. checks watch. 6 months maximum :) #just because i want biomedical something its what im good at and i cant not help people #like thats not some hero complex thing if o dont get motivated by helping people i will be a danger to myself within a couple months #but guys i am fucking ASS at coding. im goated at block coding i always make it past that #but my neocities wont work even tho im basically copy and pasting from html tutorials #i walk into the room and the machine makes it clear that it does NOT fuck with me #maybe i want biomedical research or something thats a little less hands on #or maybe an occupational therapy direction because i learn a lot about disabilities in my free time #or one of the cna or ekg practicum classes i can take through the local college #OR i can pay minimum a couple thousand for coding classes and brute force it #or stay biomedical engineering and focus on improving the mechanical aspects of existing biomed devices without personally coding as much #or veer way off course for something in sustainability #im literally just gonna end up teaching ap bio somewhere lmfao. why are we stressing #< NO hate to ap bio teachers i fuck with you #but i see that shit in my future Vividly #(or i could plan curriculums for teaching biology and standardize methods for courses such as pltw in the real setting ETC ETC ETC)

[magnoliamyrrh]

times u rly notice u have adhd tho is in class. always been this way too. it blows my mind to see ppl in class for the most part..... standing still... i cant do that shit. im changing positions constantly im rocking back and forth im fiddling w my hands im chewing on something im drawing im looking everywhere just like. anything. and unless a class is either something im rly rly interested in, or its difficult enough to actually use my full brain capacity, even if i care and i find it mostly interesting actually listening 100% is damn near impossible for me

#so much of elementary middle highschool and shit etc teachers would get on my case for #always moving around or always drawing in class but its like dude sorry #id try to explain even before i knew what adhd was like. im not drawing bc im not paying attention but i NEED to be able to draw to pay #attention. i CANT just listen to u talk its grueling its so hard like i will absorb so much more information and be able to focus if you #d o let me doodle or whatever else pls dear god #also sorry to say but. in the vast majority of classes ive been in including ap and university classes theyre not difficult enough to #actually require my full attention 🤷‍♀️ like im sorry its not my fault that i always get stuff done faster and understand whats happening #and thus become bored out of my mind with a slow pace or going over things i already got 20 min ago

[abluescarfonwaston]

Antonio in high school: Constantly angry for reasons he struggles to articulate

Kotetsu in highschool: Constantly angry for reasons he struggles to articulate

Antonio: want to go to the abandon lot and punch each other until we feel better?

Kotetsu: i don't want to give into my destructive urges and be the monster everyone expects me to be...

Antonio: if you hit me and i don't want it I'll turn on my powers and break your hand.

Kotetsu: Oh! Then yes. It'll be like hero training!

Antonio: Yeah sounds good.

#Antonio Lopez #kotetsu kaburagi #i feel like they both had a lot of untapped anger and frustration as students #given Antonio was literally a 'gang leader' says he probably wasnt jiving with the education system #and Kotetsu screams constantly punished for his unmedicated adhd #kotetsu trying to explain he Is trying but he cant focus and he wiggles at his desk and doodles that Helps #Teacher: Try harder. Stop fidgetting youre distracting. ugh go stand outside #kotetsu putting his head down and trying to nap through class so he wont get yelled out for being distracting #inspired by the 'i texted my other autistic buddy asking for a fight cause beating each other honestly helped us cope' #they lay back to back after the fight and bitch about how shit their day was #and walk home arguing about who won #i think tomoe and Antonio were both very important in kotetsu surviving high school #the gal who kept him motivated and gentle #and the guy who let him be angry without fear of destruction #who better to befriend someone who breaks everything he touches than the guy who cant break

[sanchos]

just letting everyone know i absolutely SLAYED my first ever uni presentation🥲

#this was a BIG part of my grade and it took me so fucking long to do #but the presentation was the hardest part bc i have been avoiding it for 4 YEARS !! i lichrlly went to see a therapist only for that reason #bcs i knew i wouldnt be able to graduate if im not able to do presentations in front of the class #like id rather fail the entire class than speak in front of the class #also bcs i couldnt focus for shit like i couldnt even do the most simple assignment #BUT ANYWAYS #he interrupted me when i was at the end of the presentation and i was like 🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️ but then he said thats hes gonna give me maximum #points #by he i mean the prof #and he was super impressed and didnt ask any follow up questions because he said i already said everything and that he sees that i get the #assignment #and i just….: ive always been a terrible student and this was just 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 one of my proudest moments fr #and the fact that i did the presentation without a panic attack…… #i owe it all to my therapist love her sm cant wait to let her know !!!!! #GOODBYE AND EVERYONE IN CLASS WAS SAYING HOW SCARED THEY ARE TO DO THEIRS BC MINE WAS SO GOOD.. EGO BOOOOOOSTTTT thanks everyone 😎

[youaremysunshine-court]

You know your country's turning into a dictatorship when you want to write about the recent shit your prime ministers been up to but you're scared you'll disappear yhe way so many journalists have done in the past 5 years he's been in power

#whoops thats not free speech is it #hed love to get rid of people like me who see through his bullshit and have the ability to call him on it #only im fucking scared bc of the number of 'suicides' that have happened after someones brought attention to it #oh yeah this country doesnt care about religion but were going to make it so hard for christians and muslims #oh yeah this country has a lot of politics but most of your politicians will revere hitler #oh politicians serve the people but they have the most black money in the country #oh free speech is a human right but speak too freely and youll disappear #i need to leave before it becomes a fucking police state #although police are so useless here if it was a police state theyd just stand around drinking tea #a police state in this country would just be an eternal lunch break #no it would turn into a dictatorship which is honestly worse #bc itll be a very belarusian dictatorship where the working class is happy and its not unstable but therell still be complete control #over all the citizens #anyway #fuck this #im just angry ig #whatever this too shall pass whatever im gonna do my best to not get caught up in all this shit #its fine ill be fine but yk i cant say any of this out loud or ill disappear but its fine #bit depressing tbh #idk man im not a revolutionary im just gonna focus on making it thru college pfft

[festering-clump]

that realisation that you can bring your legs that bit closer to your chest now. curl into a ball while you cry that bit easier. feels weird man. (especially going into a relapse straight from a period where i genuinely liked my body and didnt even want to lose weight)

#genuine full vent post time #i had my head down on my desk today and my teacher like #ruffled my hair? #touched my head cuz its not allowed to be down on the desk and i shot up and shouted at her without realising it was her #and then she apologised later but im more sorry for ovvereacting #and then i started crying and im so embarrased #and in my geography class we're doing all shit about resources which is fine #f #if it werent for the focus of food #and man i love geography but i cant do this shit #i think my geography tecaher noticed somethign was up but he didnt say anything #idk #i just feel like absolute shit #tw ed #tw eating disorder #ed #eating disorder #ed vent #eating disorder vent

[thecherrygod]

i am. making a mistake

#my posts #im. very depressed. in a bad state. and also ill and unsure if im actually becoming feverish. and its midnight #i. am struggling emotionally and with a class and with motivation and i guess im also underwhelmed #like i have. shit to do. and things id rather be doing. im doing none im just sitting there feeling useless #i. just told a classmate i didnt start my assignment at all yet not even read the material #and he said it makes sense you were a bit sick im sure youll feel better and be able to do it #and i told him that hes wrong bc i would have been able to at least read the material before getting sick #and that if i was doing okay i would still be in the same situation #i. i dont. think i should be having this conversation with him #i dont. know why im doing this. i want to kms #i mean he has talked to me once when he was struggling he broke the mental illness barrier but i dont think i should be passing it either #i feel like i should stop saying whatever the fuck i am saying idk why i started idk if its too late for that #editing my tags to ad more bc i dont want to make another postabout this #yes i made a mistake. idk how to reply without going further into the conversation #'you could do what you told me and do the text to speech thing you sometimes do when you struggle to focus' my guy. my man. i cant #idk what to tell him that isnt an 'i cant even start that i can only open the documents i cant do more than that' i made a mistake #idk how to lie my way out of this idk how to just say 'yeah i should do that' or something and thats it #i mean i guess i do want to have someone to tell them how im actually doing but i dont. think its the right thing to do #also i want to throw up and cry and die and if i knew where our thermometers were id check my temperature #yeah my brain is barely working so since i feel my options are actually answer or ask him to forget i asked #i am asking him to forget i asked #i do feel awful and stupid but i dont think actually replying is good and i dont have another way to do so

[sugaroto]

I did it :D

I changed seats

During the 1st hour I was sjnzjdjsjd-ing again and couldn't focus and the 2nd hour the teacher was late and so I said fuck it, grabbed my bag and sat on the back

My deskmate was a lil confused and I didn't have time to explain to her why I left, sorry🥲 but I seriously cannot sit in there, especially since I sat on the back yesterday (some people were missing so it didn't seem weird that I moved) but like, in the back I could breathe, in the front it's very crowded

Also I don't think my deskmate minds at all cause the guy who sits on the front moved back with her a few times and they were playing hangman so🤷‍♀️she's doing fine

And only one teacher comment on it :)

-What are you doing in the back? Will you be sitting in there from now on?

-I focus better on the back

-you noticed a difference?

-yeah, I'd rather sit here

At first she thought I couldn't see, which is weird cause I'm wearing glasses, and the problem is that I actually can see better on the front but I focus better on the back, but we don't write that much cause most of the time the teachers are just talking (history doesn't need the board, ancient greek and Latin use it like once a month, so my problem is seeing in math, but I can see so far)

And like a friend noticed I was on the back during the last hour and she was like "Sugar what are you doing in the back?" All sad and she said it was sad or something cause I was so far away and sitting alone and my friend who was sitting in front of me (and knew how much I wanted to change seats) was like "no she likes it better here" and I was like yeah I get stressed on the front and can't focus and some girl was like really?

Yes really, I'm finally breathing again 🥲💘

Now the only teacher who didn't saw I moved was the history teacher and when I moved yesterday she gasped so I'm worried she'll say something

Also, there are two boys in my class who were originally on the back but now both sit on the front and one was kinda forced cause he's sleeping on the back so the history teacher made him move and I think the only reason the Latin teacher didn't continue the subject is bc she understands I'm not trying to sleep on the back bc I'm actually giving Panhellenic exams unlike the guy

And bc the teachers had made both boys move I thought they wouldn't agree with me sitting back but it's fine :)

The math teacher probably doesn't care cause she knows none of us actually cares about math, and also I participate to her class so🤷‍♀️ and the ancient greek teacher was also my teacher last year and I was sitting on the back and I don't think he gives a shit about where someone is sitting cause he knows how to do his job

3 teachers let me be 1 to go

#like... teachers dont really understand it #but ive neen sitting on the back for like at least 6 years (probably more honestly) #and even though there were times in which i wasnt paying attention #when i need to pay attention i do so #in the back i feel like i have more control #i cann see everyone and who raises their hand so if the teacher asks something i can see that other people are participating and decide to #join them #in the front i cant see so when the teacher is picking a student to say the answer idk if its because they raised their hand or bc she just #chose them and if shes choosing at random i don't need to raise my hand and if no-one else is participating i don't consider myself smart #enough to say the answer #also i feel people behind me and that whatever movement i do annoys them even though i know thats not the case i just cant #i focus too much on the people behind me existing that i cant focus on the class #but in the back i can just exist :D in peace and actually pay attention and sometimes i may sketch not like draw something just random #lines or some shit. its kinda calming but if i do it in the front they'll think im not paying attention #which is not true cause even at home i have a paper next to me when i study just to draw lines #most of this might not even make sense but :) it makes sense to me :D #this was long... but ... im also using this blog as a diary and its on my bio so anyone who follows me knew what they were signing up for #:D #sugarenia talks #should i make a diary tag? #sugarenia diary #lol #sugarenia thoughts #sugarenia school stuff #sugarenia teachers #sugarenia has friends #sugaroto

[quenthel]

I have to work today and this weekend but my brain literally feels like a sponge... and I need to make a lot of progress bc I want to be done w the part of my paper that talks about theory and other research so Next week I can work on the analysis itself and maaaybe send my supervisor this paper just a tad late.... but man im struggling hard

#quenthel special #i had to prep for my class a lot and then this week's therapy sess was hard on me #so im mentally not exactly here but bc of work i cant focus on that shit either!!! #and i keep feeling guilty when i dont work any day or stop early etc but i shouldnt!! #problems and issues as always

[sleepii-moth]

if one more thing happens to me this week im gonna have a mental breakdown

#vent #i have so much shit to do i havent felt genuinely relaxed in like weeks #i cant figure out what the fuck this god forsaken class wants me to do theres like no instructions #i hate fucking online classes i dont wana have to email the prof please just fucking work for meeee #the worst part is its a fucking coding class and i know how to do the code but visual studio isnt cooperating #they're making us do all this shit completely from scratch like we need a compiler and shit and i have no idea how to do that!!! #whenever i try to use normal vs it doesnt work and i had to install a different version of vs thats like purple and has 15 different button #s for everything that i dont know what they do and it wont let me just make a cpp file it wants me to make a project or whatever #but i cant make a cpp project and i dont even know what im supposed to be submitting this isnt explained anywhere in the textbook #the only instructions we got were for installing vs not how to use it or set it up or anything and so i cant do any of my fucking work and #on top of all of that i have another stupid fucking book to read for english and then i have all this shit to read for another class and #then i dont even know how much work im gonna have to do next week probably just as much or even more bc all my classes keep giving me so #much stupid homework and i havent had a single moment a free time where i wasnt stressed as hell and i cant even focus on any of my work #anymore because everythings falling apart and im gonna die i hate school

[gisdotnet]

I have some doodles of the tbh creature

I'll post them tommorow

#if you couldn't tell i.hate my math class #why.is it so hard for me to get shit done in.that stupid class #i cant focus for 2 seconds till im like yea this is boring lets throw expo markers at the kid across from you

[siobhanromee]

arrrghhhhh logging out!

#executive dysfunction is suchhhhh a bitcchhhhhh #why cant i just be normal abt writing. #i am going to log out and take the computer downstairs and just get the shit done #and i cant focus in class bc everyone in there is so goddamn loud and annoying and the people by me spent the entire class period talking.. #abt piss #im so done with this idk why its so hard to write i literally just did my math hw i dont get why english takes me aeons to finish