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sazandorable · 4 years

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About moderating and banning content on AO3!

Okay so! I haven’t had the spoons to do this for a while but I cracked and ranted about it on twitter which is... not... conducive to long rants, so!

This is a h u g e discussion part of the l o n g history that led to the creation of AO3, which older, more informed, and more articulate people have talked about at length and can be found around if you look (I reblog some of it in my AO3 and fandom history tags for the curious). So I won’t go into that here, nor into the practical reasons why it’s not even possible to put that system in place anyway.

Arbitrarily, or the purpose of this post, because it’s the biggest topic I’ve seen brought up lately, I’ll be talking about fic depicting underage characters in se*ual situations, but honestly I could hold the exact same conversation on literally any controversial content.

This is about why you, specifically, if you are a content creator and especially if you are marginalised and especially if you are queer and especially especially if you are sensitive to fiction depicting certain things... do not, actually, want a banning system on AO3.

What? Of course we do. There’s a lot of p*do shit on AO3 and p*do shit is gross. No one should condone that, wtf? It would be easy to do — just periodically delete the entire Underage tag!

What will happen if that is done is that people will re-upload and continue to write it, they’ll just stop tagging and you will run into it with zero warning nor ability to filter it out. Again, this is not a theoretical — we know this is what happens. When I was a teen, adult content (all adult content) was not allowed on FF.NET; it was everywhere regardless, and without tags. The exact same thing happened on tumblr when adult content was banned as well. It’s not a matter of “staff not handling it well” — it just doesn’t work.

To keep safe the people who need to be able to exclude that tag, that tag needs to exist and be used.

Well, shucks. A reporting system then?

A reporting system would operate in one of two ways:

-an algorithm, which would delete a lot of stuff we wouldn’t want it to delete.

-humans, which is... the bigger problem.

An algorithm sounds great. We do want it to delete everything.

Okay. What about the daddy k*nk fics between consenting adult characters? What about the fics featuring characters that are children in the canon but are adults in the fic? What about the fics about teenagers exploring their se*uality together, written by adults about the experiences they remember having or wish they could have had? What about the thousands of SasuNaru and Drarry and other shounen and YA fics that will get written, by teens or by people who remember being teens? What about the se*ually explicit fic written by teens who are se*ually active in real life? What about the fics about CSA as trauma, about healing from it? What about the fics written by survivors of CSA to cope about their trauma? What about the fics that clearly show that it’s evil and traumatic? What about the super dark, harrowing, but beautiful and artistic that I’m glad I read even though it fucked me up for days? What about the ones that were really shitty but also horribly hot?

Well, some of these are still not okay, but maybe some might be. It depends on how it’s written. We’ll have humans moderating content and deciding, then.

Okay.

The thing is, I don’t know which of the things I just listed were okay for you to be depicted in fiction and which were too much. Odds are I don’t agree with you. Odds are if I asked 10 people randomly picked off the street, not everyone would agree.

Odds are, even if AO3 arbitrarily decided on which of those are allowed and which are not, you would not agree with their choice, and you would still be unhappy with the decision. (Or you would be happy, but your friends wouldn’t.)

Odds are, different AO3 content moderators might not agree on whether a given fic qualifies or not — is it artistic enough? Does it show enough that these actions are evil and wrong? Can the author prove they’re a teenager? Can the author prove they are a CSA victim? Can the author prove that this is to help them cope with their trauma? The author seem to be functioning alright, they mustn’t really be traumatised!

You know what I mean! There’s absolute, objectively gross shit out there that is not artistic and should not be published.

I agree that there’s vile stuff out there that makes me sick and that I think is very clearly just ped*philic trash. But there is no way to, 1) stop those from getting published anyway, 2) take those down and preserve the safety of everything else.

If we start forbidding some things, there’s two ways to go about it.

One single, clear, arbitrary rule — for instance, absolutely no adult content featuring characters under 18 (leaving aside the fact that this would not even work for the reason cited above). So we lose all the stuff from teenagers, all the coming of age stories about adolescence, all the stuff from CSA survivors; people who need to write it can’t publish it anymore, and people who need to read it can’t anymore either (and as a cool bonus, they’re told it’s wrong and made to feel bad about it). Depending on whether the rules applies to characters that are under 18 in the canon, we lose entire fandoms.

Or, subjective moderation by humans, according to what they estimate to be gross.

Let’s assume all moderators can agree on what’s gross or not.

If there is a system in place to ban some underage works because “gross shit”, then that means other gross stuff can be taken down on account of being gross and harmful.

Yeah! Gross stuff should be taken down! Come on, surely everyone agrees on what’s gross and harmful.

Ah.

But the problem is.

Here is a list of things I have seen — with my eyes seen — called harmful to be depicted in fiction:

Murder

Non-con

Inc*st

Cannibalism

Torture

Self-harm

Mental illness

Drugs

Racism

K*nk

Non-negotiated k*nk, but healthy k*nk is ok

Spanking k*nk

BDSM where the woman is a bottom, but woman top is ok

Healthy depictions of BDSM

Unhealthy depictions of BDSM

Queer people doing bad things

Abusive relationships

Rival/Enemies to lovers

Redemption stories

A happy relationship between a 17 yo and an 18 yo

A happy relationship between a 20 yo and a 60 yo

A happy relationship between a boss and their employee, or a college teacher and a student

A happy relationship between a 14 yo boy and an older teenage boy, because that’s reminiscent of older men preying on younger gay boys IRL

Se*ual content featuring a character whose age is unclear in canon and some people headcanon them as being underage, some as being a young adult

Loving, consensual fluff between characters that are evil villains, because it romanticises them and their actions

Dark content shipping female characters

Fluffy content shipping female characters, because it’s misogynistic to act like lesbians are only soft all the time

Consensual s*x featuring a canonically asexual character, because it implies that all aces can and should still have se*

Fics about the same canonically asexual character hating s*x, because that erases the experience of s*x-positive aces

Shipping a character who is perceived by some fans as queer-coded with a character of a different s*x

The tendency to ship a black character with white characters

Fluffy drunk s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Sleep s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Trans characters not experiencing dysphoria, because that idealises the trans experience

Consensual s*x between adults that are not married

LGBT+ content, because kids shouldn’t see that.

I guarantee you: you, I, and 10 random people plucked from the street will not agree on what, in that list, is and isn’t okay to publish and consume fiction of.

So why should your taste be the one followed? Why should it be the taste of mods you don’t know? Why should anyone get to dictate? What if the mods think your OTP is gross and your NOTP is fine?

This is the slippery slope argument.

Yes, it is the slippery slope argument. Because we know it happens. Because we’ve been there, because I’ve seen it happen myself twice already and I’m not even thirty. Because we know people do complain loudly about all of these things.

And because the second there is a banning system in place, assholes will use the system to abuse it and get stuff they just don’t like taken down using the “it is gross” argument, and one day you’ll wake up and the beautiful fic that helped you come to terms with your abuse/trauma/identity/orientation/k*nk for feet will be taken down and wonderful vulnerable creative people will have been harassed out of fandom because they argued with 1 person who didn’t like their foot k*nk fic that happened to also feature, for instance, a CSA trauma backstory.

Again: not exaggerating. Not theoretical. It happens, we know it happens, AO3 was created literally because it happens.

I still fucking hate that stuff.

That is completely fine and normal. No one likes everything. Me too! Most of the dark stuff is niche and the creators know only few people will like it the same way they do.

(For the record, I get grossed out and triggered by fics about an asexual character who does not like s*x having s*x with their partner to make them happy. Deep in my gut everything screams that that’s fucked up, terrifying and harmful, how can people write that. But I recognise that there are people who love and need that, and I leave those people and their content alone.

OTOH, I read a lot of otherwise dark shit and I enjoy it in the same way I enjoyed, say, Hannibal, in the same way some people enjoy true crime documentaries, horror movies or r*pe fantasy k*nk. It helps me explore stuff that I like to see in fiction, in a safe, controlled way. I’m also asexual, 90% s*x-repulsed IRL, and, obviously, I would never abuse a child. For that matter, I wouldn’t kill and eat people, either, nor would I do 90% of the tamer k*nky stuff I read.

Of course, Hannibal was fucked up and lots of people probably think Hannibal was gross and should not have been aired — but as exemplified by the fact that it was created, aired and watched, lots of people thought it was fine, interesting and even fun to watch.)

You can and should curate your experience and protect yourself. The AO3 website now allows you to exclude certain tags, and people have developed tools to help with that such as plugins that save your filters or hide fics that contain certain words.

But no, it isn’t going to, and it shouldn’t, get banned.

#ao3 #fandom history #aaaaand that's all im going to tag

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yoonia · 3 years

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About Time // Part 20.5

➬ Character | Jungkook x reader / Jimin x reader (feat. BTS)

↳ Type/Genre/words | Angst, Fluff, Alternate Universe (Time Travel!au/Time Leap!au, Soulmate!au), Eventual Smut / 9,2k words

↳ Prompts | “What if you find your soulmate… at the wrong time?” - Lauren Kate, Passion

↳ Summary | Be careful for what you wish for, because you may never know how to deal with them once it comes true. What would you do when your wish for a second chance actually came true? But was it really a fulfilled wish? Too many questions lie when it actually happened. Were they real memories? Or perhaps a part of a past life? Was it only a dream all along? Will everything be different this time?

↳ Ratings | Mature/+18 and up

↳ Warnings | LGBT+ conversations, mentions of fighting and alcohol consumption

↳ ⤎ Previous Chapter | Series Index: About Time | Next Chapter ⇢

(Taehyung’s POV)

Song Companion: Teflon Sega - No Turning Back

—First life, year 2005—

My parents loved to take me on car rides ever since I was a little boy.

They had always said it was one of the easiest ways they had found that could calm me down from what they called as ‘one of my moods’—whatever that meant.

In a way, car rides had always felt comforting. It was better to be stuck in a car instead of staying at home, where it felt stuffy and lonely, even if my parents would only drive around the neighbourhood instead of taking me anywhere far. It was still better because looking out the car window allowed me to see everything—the trees we passed by, the land around us and the mountains in the distance—and they were all still better to look at compared to the sight that I could see out my bedroom window. Nothing but the neighbours’ rusty walls and the empty lot behind our house that neighbourhood kids would use to hangout at. Sometimes, my parents would even drive all the way to the next town. Or even further to the next, in which we would stay a bit longer at instead of heading back to where we had taken off from earlier that same morning.

It wasn’t until when I was a bit older when I finally understood what it had truly meant to be driving so far and why my parents would pack up various boxes when we were off to travel somewhere. That sometimes when my father said, “Let’s go for a drive,” it would not always mean that he was talking about driving around the neighbourhood to go sightseeing.

Sometimes, I would pay enough attention to notice when we were not going to return to the same home once the drive ended. Just like how this car ride had felt different compared to the last times I sat there in the backseat of my Dad’s car.

Looking out the window, I immediately knew that this was not one of those rides where my father would be driving me around the block or down to the rice fields and farmlands around where we lived at the time. I already knew which kind of drive this was when it had included my Mom packing most of our things into the car and when I could see the moving truck following us close behind when I looked over the rear window.

It had been a while since we had gotten on a long trip that I thought we would never be taking off again. We had left before the sunrise, and hours had passed but we were still going, passing the villages and small towns, then the long highway. We only stopped a few times to eat and to use the bathroom. Sometimes I would fall asleep and wake up at a new place, but it seemed like we would be on the road for a long time.

I kept my eyes out on the road with my head pressed against the car window, watching the trees flashing by, the old houses and the stores turning into hills before we were passing through more buildings. Then I must have dozed off a bit longer at some point because it was almost dark when we finally stopped.

Really stopped.

I jumped on my seat when the sound of the car doors opening and closing woke me up, then I looked around to see that my Dad had parked the car in front of a house.

“We’re here!” I heard my Mom said, opening the backseat’s door to get me. “Come on, Tae. Let’s take a look at the new house.”

I was still feeling sleepy when I finally stepped out of the car. My legs were heavy and my back was hurting, but I followed my Mom as she walked around the car, rubbing my eyes all the way down from the car. I stopped before we could step onto the porch, looking at the house that looked old, but a lot bigger than the one we used to live in. The walls were made of red bricks, and we had a front yard too with green grass on it, unlike the dry patches we had at the old house.

“Taehyung, come in. Let me show you your new room,” I heard my Mom calling me from the front door. I took one last look at the house before I ran to her, excited and scared at the same time as I walked up the porch and followed her into the house.

Our new home.

“Where are we going?”

“We’re going on a playdate.”

We had been in this new town for a week. My Dad had been busy with his new job, but both me and my Mom had been staying home, unpacking all the boxes and cleaning up the new house. The only times I had seen my Mom not doing anything at the house was when a few neighbours came to visit or when she went out to do some groceries. This was the first time she finally took me out. Her hand was holding mine as we walked side by side on the sidewalk, heading somewhere at the end of the street.

“A what?”

“A playdate.”

“What’s that?”

My Mom reached out to brush my hair with her fingers while she kept the other hand still holding mine. Both of us knew that whatever she did on my hair wouldn’t help much and I would probably get them all messy again in a minute, but maybe she needed to keep herself busy because she seemed more nervous than I was and maybe she figured she could try to keep my hair look tidy and decent before we got to where she wanted us to go to.

“It means you get to play with a new friend while I get to know our new neighbours,” she said, looking almost distractedly when she spoke. I looked up and that was when I confirmed how nervous she was. Back at our old home, we rarely became friends with the neighbours living close by. Most of the people we knew were older people, and some of my Mom’s friends lived a bit far from home, making it hard for her to see them regularly. “You’re going to start school in a week, and yesterday, Mrs Jung from down the street told me that her children are going to the same school as you are. She invited us to visit so that you can get to know them and make friends with them so you can have someone to play with.”

“I had friends,” I said, scrunching my nose. It made my Mom stop, and she kneeled down next to me with a rueful smile.

“I know, honey,” she said, sighing, once again reaching up to brush my hair back again after a breeze made a few strands fall over my face. “I know that it sucks to move away again, but I promise you, you can have many new friends and a lot of fun. Just like how we used to.”

Mom gave me another smile before she stood back up, already continuing the walk. I said nothing as I walked with her, not even to explain that it wasn’t just about making new friends that I was worried about. “Why did we move here?”

“We told you. Your Dad got a new job here,” she said to me while glancing sideways at me.

“What’s wrong with the old one?”

This time, my Mom laughed a little. “Nothing wrong with that one,” she sneered, sighing the same way she would when she was trying not to get angry. I remembered how she kept telling my Dad how much she hated his old job. Because he went away a lot and he was always tired and cranky whenever he came home from work. “Your Dad got himself a better job in this town and there was no way we could have stayed in that old town we lived in. He won’t be away too much now like he did when he was working in that factory since he’s going to be sitting behind the desk more. Our house is also bigger, isn’t it? And the school is going to be better.”

My Mom was getting more excited the more she spoke, and all I did was give her a nod. “Okay.”

Soon, we were standing on the front porch of a house that looked a bit similar to our new house. Except that the front yard had more bushes and flowers and the grass was trimmed and looked fresh, unlike the ones we had in ours, and the walls were painted white. The door was opened only a few minutes after my Mom rang the bell and a woman appeared to welcome us. She looked about the same age as Mom, with a wide smile that looked friendly and it made me feel less nervous about being here. They chatted for a moment before the woman turned to me.

“And this must be Taehyung. Oh, it looks like you’re about the same age as my kids. I heard that you’re going to be at the same school with them, so I hope you kids can be good friends. My son is a bit older, but I think you can get along with him just fine. I know that boys can have a hard time getting along with girls, though I have no doubt that you can get along with my daughter. She’s always good at adjusting to new friends, even if she’s a bit younger. She skipped a year and got into school early because she got bored in kindergarten.”

We walked in with my Mom still holding my hand. I was not completely sure if she was doing that to stop me from running or if she was still nervous about being here. Meanwhile, Mrs Jung continued to talk about her children as she led us all the way to the back of the house.

“Here we are,” Mrs Jung said as we entered the dining room. There was a girl who looked a bit younger than me sitting at the dining table while drawing with crayons, and Mrs Jung immediately called for her attention. “Honey, come here. We have a new friend. Maybe you want to say hi and play with him for a while while I have a chat with Mrs Kim?”

The girl looked up to us and jumped out of her chair. She didn’t even seem nervous when she was walking over to us. I couldn’t remember having any girl as a friend in my old school. Most of them had always stayed away from the boys at school and I had no trouble doing the same. But when she came to me, she showed no sign of turning away or looking at me funny just like other girls did.

All she did was look at me with wide curious eyes, and it really felt like we had known each other already when she raised her hand to me. “Hi, my name is _________. What’s yours?”

School started a few months ago. Overall, I thought it was okay.

Everything was different compared to my old school. Just like everything else in this town compared to the small town we moved out from, the school was much bigger than the one I went to. Most of the students in my class had already formed their groups—another thing that the old school certainly did not have, because, with smaller classes, nobody had any problem getting close to each other. I still made a few friends, though. Not a lot, but it wasn’t like I really needed a lot of friends either.

It was lunchtime when I sat at the edge of the playground, eating the sandwich and handmade kimbab that my Mom made for me. I was glad not to be sitting alone, as I had my new friend sitting beside me. The playdate that my Mom took me to after we moved here had turned out to be a lot of fun. ________ was fun to play with and we would have continued playing on that first day we met if only my Mom didn’t come to call me in for dinner.

After that day, we had gone into a couple more playdates before school started. I was also introduced to her brother, Hoseok, and the three of us would play and hang out together whenever my Mom would take me to visit their house on the weekends. At school, _____ and I shared the same class, and although we didn’t sit together in class, we would always eat together at lunchtime.

“Why aren’t you playing with them?” she asked me while we were watching the boys from our class playing dodge ball in the playground.

I only shrugged after looking over to the field, watching them throwing the ball at each other. “I don’t play ball.”

She snickered. “Yeah, you do. You played ball with Hoseok last week,” she argued, her brows were pinched the same way she would when she grew curious or annoyed.

I scrunched my nose at her. “That’s different. That was football,” I told her, and she shrugged at me in return.

“Still a ball,” she sassed while rolling her eyes at me.

“Whatever,” I said. “Besides, I don’t really get along with the boys from our class.”

“So you’re more okay sitting with a girl,” she said, more like making a statement instead of questioning me.

“What’s wrong with that?”

She looked away for a moment. “I don’t know. The other boys seem to make it a big deal.”

“That’s silly,” I scoffed at her. I didn’t really care about what people think. It never mattered to me anyway because I didn’t even care about what they did around me either. And I never liked forcing myself to get along with people that didn’t like me. “Besides, I like you better.”

She suddenly laughed when she heard me. It was the kind of laugh that made her head fall back, which was actually pretty adorable. “I thought you like my brother a lot more.”

Grinning at her, I just shrugged and bit my sandwich. “So I like both you and Hoseok. Playing with you and your brother is more fun.”

“Right. Of course, it is,” she said, giggling while nudging at my side. “You’re okay if people think you’re weird for hanging out with me instead of the boys?”

“I don’t care,” I told her, shaking my head. “How about you?”

______ looked around before smiling at me and said, “Me neither.”

We continued to eat for a moment before I thought of something. “What if you’re my girlfriend?”

“What?”

I shrugged, but kept my eyes away from her. “Maybe if we become boyfriend and girlfriend it won’t look weird for us to sit together like this.”

She had her nose scrunched when I took a glance at her. “Kids don’t become boyfriends and girlfriends.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, they do. You just don’t know about it yet.”

She pinched her brows again, thinking seriously about it. “Is it because you’re older than everyone else in class?”

“What do you mean?”

“My Mom said that you were supposed to be one grade above me, not share the same class,” she said. Despite what she just told me, she just didn’t realise that she always sounded like an older girl when she spoke like that. “Is that why everyone looks at you weird sometimes?”

I didn’t say a thing. She was not wrong, though. With my parents moving so much and having to change schools each time it happened, it was hard for me to catch up with classes. After constantly going to new places, making new friends, new adjustments, then the last school I went to insisted that I stayed a year behind to catch up on what I had missed. “I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t really care,” I said. And I really didn’t. After a while, I had stopped caring about all the moving and what it did. But some kids always made it a big deal when this older kid joined their class in the middle of the term. Not at the previous school I went to, though. They seemed to think I was cool because I knew a lot more than they did.

“Do you care if I’m older?” I asked her.

I had expected her to at least consider her answer for a moment, but all she said was, “No, I like having older friends.” Then she scrunched her nose as if she had just realised something. “But not too old. Hoseok’s friends are weird.”

A bite of the sandwich almost got caught in my throat when I laughed. After swallowing it down with the cold juice I brought with me from home, I turned to her and grinned. “Fine, if you don’t want to be my girlfriend, then—” I cleared my throat and offered her my pinky finger. That was one of the things I learned from her since we became friends, and I figured it would be the best option to gain her approval when I made the offer, “How about best friends?”

Her smile grew. She seemed confused at first, but she managed to realise that I was serious and gave me her pinky to link it to mine. “The bestest friends!”

I snickered. “That’s not even a word!”

“It is now!”

—First life, year 2017—

There was something about being in the library that I enjoyed most.

The calm and serene air. The scent of books. Then there was some kind of warmth that I couldn’t find anywhere else whenever I was there.

It was fall, and the library had been pretty much packed with students that were trying to catch up with readings and assignments as the midterm was coming closer. Sitting among the students, I had chosen a reading booth on the far corner of the library, and I had my best friend, _______, sitting with me. She wasn’t too big on libraries. She never even truly cared about studying either. But after wasting her freshman year partying and enjoying life on campus, and then getting too focused on her relationship with the prick from one of the campus’ frat house all through sophomore year, she needed to catch up a lot on her studying and I was the one responsible in making sure that she did.

But that day, our agenda was not only about getting her to finish reading her textbooks or finding the materials needed for our midterms.

That day, we were scouting.

“That’s him,” I pointed out across the room just as he passed by, and _____ perked up, her gaze following the direction where I was pointing at until she saw him. I only knew she did when her eyes grow wide with a hint of amusement and appreciation. He really did have that kind of effect on people, whether it was male or female. “His name is Kim Namjoon. A senior of mine on my social study class,” I explained to her, mentioning the class I had taken last semester for my minor.

“Wow—you do have a taste there. He’s hot,” she said as she leaned closer, whispering to me while giving him another look. “—and a bit too handsome as someone who is going to be cutting through people’s brains,” she also added.

I snickered. “Yeah, right,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I thought you like pretty boys better.” I said that because compared to the guy she was dating, Namjoon was the complete opposite. Jungkook was good looking, hence the popularity he had gained all through college. With the kind of smile that girls found cute and a pair of doe eyes that would always make it hard for my best friend to say no to. But Namjoon was tall, with broad shoulders and nice-looking hair. His sharp gaze showed just how smart he was and there was this confidence that he had that could make people look up to him in awe.

The same way I did ever since the first day I met him.

He didn’t seem to work out a lot, but his arms still looked like a tight fit beneath the sleeves of his sweater. And then there were those dimples, that would always show up each time he smiled, making people swoon for him without him trying too much.

“I still have eyes and I can still admit it when I see a handsome man,” I heard her say, before she turned to me. Sure enough, she caught me just as I was looking at Namjoon, again, more appreciatively.

“What?” I looked at her with a frown when she seemed to be looking at me too closely. “Don’t look at me like that,” I whispered at her, but then I noticed the funny looking gleam in her eyes, as if she was seeing something intriguing while looking at me. And whatever she saw seemed to please her. “As a matter of fact, why are you looking at me like that?”

“I don’t know, I just—” She shrugged. “I’m happy whenever you are happy, Taehyung.”

Narrowing my eyes on her, I studied her face, trying to understand just where this was leading to. My suspicion was answered when I saw a hint of guilt in her eyes in place of the curiosity and mischief that she had earlier. “You’re still thinking about my stupid confession, are you?”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s not stupid. It never was and it never is.”

“It was childish.”

“There is nothing childish with love.”

I scoffed. “It would be when I was a 10-year-old thinking that I was falling in love with my best friend,” I told her, lowering my voice and making a sneer as I said this.

Many years ago, when I was only a 10-year-old boy trying to adjust to a new life in the big town and getting into a new school, I had jokingly asked her to be my girlfriend and she had told me no. But then we got even closer after we decided to be best friends and spent more time together, and I started to feel things. All fuzzy feelings that I had seen in the movies or TV shows as something that was called a crush, or perhaps love, where I would feel all tingly inside whenever she was near. So I asked her to be my girlfriend. Again. And then again. Having my request rejected each time because she only wanted to be my friend and she hated to think that she could lose her best friend if she should ever say yes.

That, and also because we were both kids who knew nothing about crushes and love and heartbreaks.

“Taehyung—”

Sighing dramatically, I placed a hand over my chest and acted like I was hurting and I told her, “It wasn’t your fault either that I got my heart broken so early in life. But I’ll never break my promise about staying with you as a friend and take care of you.”

My theatrics had her giggling, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I just hate that she would overthink things sometimes, even when she remembered that period in life. As if she was responsible for how I had turned out to be. It had taken her a little while to be able to cope with it. Not because she couldn’t accept me for who I was, but only because she had been terribly concerned about me after I had told her the truth.

“I know you won’t, and I promise to be in your life as your best friend for as long as you need me,” she told me, giving me a small smile which I returned with my own when I knew how true her words were. How she had proven it many times before, especially during the period of time I had needed her support the most.

I could easily recall how she had been by my side when I came out about my—’preferences’.

It all happened not too long before we graduated high school, and I was outed by force by someone who I had once grown close to, who I had trusted enough to confide in and let them know about my secrets. But then things fell south when it was clear that my ‘friend’ couldn’t stomach the idea that I was interested in both male and female, and that I had dated both all through high school. My best friend, ______, was the one who stood by me, to accept me for everything that I was and had fought together with me tooth and nail. She had opposed to the idea of me telling people about it openly, preferring that I would just stay silent until the rumours would fade so that the spotlight would not fall on me. But I could no longer hide who I was, and I had gained even more courage when Hoseok and his friends came to me with a promise to defend me if anyone would start messing with me the minute I came forward about it.

Both siblings had been my rocks, all solid and true, loyal to the core even when my own family had come close to disown me after I came to them with the truth.

Reaching over the table, she held my hands and gripped them tightly in hers. “And I’m glad you’re still here. And that you are willing enough to be so honest with me about you being—well, you. And that you are falling in love with Kim Namjoon.”

Pulling my hand from her, I rolled my eyes. “I’m not ’in love’ with him, it’s just—” I frowned, trying to figure out what I really felt. Aside from sharing a class, there was no secret that Namjoon had been terribly kind to me. He would come to talk to me after classes, and he had invited me for coffee a few times, though he had never made his intentions clear except that he wanted to get to know me better. I did feel something fuzzy in my belly when he talked to me, but I wasn’t sure if there was anything deep in what I felt for him aside from my admiration for an upperclassman and the fact that I enjoyed the attention he was giving me.

“—a crush, maybe. That’s all. And he’s nice to me.”

She raised her brows and gave me a knowing smile. “Oh, he’s ’nice’, hmm? Yeah, that’s always how it starts.”

I scoffed at her, knowing that it was also how her boyfriend managed to get under her skin. And, apparently, in a whole lot more as well, judging how crazy she was over him. But I was not about to talk about that prick. “Whatever, weirdo.”

After catching the sight of Namjoon walking out of the library with a wink at my way, we both fell into a long talk about things. We had been out of the loop with the party scene on campus, being all caught up in studying and all, but it didn’t stop us from hearing things through our classmates. Instead of comparing notes about our study session, we started comparing notes on the rumours that had been spreading around us. We were talking about her former flatmate who had begun dating a pre-med student, someone who was completely the opposite of the frat boys she had normally hung out and sometimes hooked up with, when I was reminded of something that I heard from one of her ex-flings.

“Oh, speaking about—” I lowered my voice and leaned closer, making sure that nobody would be able to listen in on us. “Have you heard the rumours that came from your boyfriend’s circle of friends?”

“What rumour?”

“A frat boy was caught kissing another dude. Nobody ever got to find out who he was or who the other boy was, since the witness only saw shadows kissing at the back of the frat house without seeing their faces. It happened in the middle of a party which they held so it could be anyone, and nobody has come clean about it yet.”

Judging by the way her lips were twitching downward, it was clear that she was not happy. And it was no doubt that she was pissed for the same reason that I was—that people were trying to prod into things that weren’t really their business. “But does it really matter who they were? They can’t exactly force someone to come out, right?”

I shrugged. “I guess not, but some people are curious, and you know about people on this campus, they all love to gossip.” Once again, her face pinched. Despite living in the flats off campus, she knew all too well about those lousy gossips. “I’m just thinking that if you or Jungkook ever find out—you guys won’t say a thing, right?”

She frowned at my request at first, but then her eyes softened. “Why would you be so worried about someone you barely know?” she asked me with the concerned tone that she always had when it came to me. “Besides, there’s nothing for you to worry about. Haven’t we both been keeping your secrets from everyone?”

“Well, yeah—that’s actually the only reason why I had to get along with him, remember?”

This time, my sneer drew a smile from her. “If he can understand your situation, wouldn’t he be more understanding when it comes to his friend?” she questioned me, though neither of us really had an answer to that question. Then, suddenly, as if she was seeing something on my face, she tilted her head and whispered, “You’re actually worried about them.”

Giving her a resigned sigh, I answered her with a nod. “I’ve been there, you know? Getting weird looks from people, girls having doubts about me actually being interested in them just because I’m also attracted to guys. I hate to imagine someone else going through something like I did. Especially if it’s someone from one of those houses, since most of them are famous for being around girls.” Looking down at my hands, I wasn’t sure if I should tell her about the things that I had been hearing. But I just couldn’t keep it to myself. “It’s just—some rumours said it was Min Yoongi with some junior TA in Music. He denied it, of course, so nobody knows.”

When I looked at her again, there was a concerned look in her eyes, something that was becoming more familiar in the years I had known her. “Do you know why I always get so worried about you?”

I had a feeling that I might know the answer to that. But I asked her anyway. “Why?”

“Because you have always had such a big heart. It might take a while for you to open up to other people, but the moment you let someone into your life, you always care for them a lot. Maybe too much. Hell, look at you worrying about some frat boy you barely know.” There was a fond smile on her face that I had no choice but to return with mine. I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying a thing and let her continue, and she took my hands in hers again. “I’m worried that someone might one day be using that kindness of yours and get you hurt. I’d really hate to see that.”

Little did she knew then, that I had been worried about the same thing for her. She had always been so fragile, so naive, and there was only one reason why I had never been able to get close to that boyfriend of hers. There was something about him that made it hard for me to trust him. Not with her heart. But I had kept it to myself, having no reason to actually point fingers. Yet. So I said nothing, and tried my best to reassure her that everything would be alright.

“I won’t worry about it, especially when I know you’ll have my back.”

She grinned. “You know I will.”

As we exchanged knowing gazes, I felt so sure that I would still have her by my side no matter what. Nothing could easily set us apart. Nothing could beat the years of friendship and trust that we had built.

At least, that was what I had truly believed.

But life had always been such a bitch. And nothing could stop it from derailing everything we had known and all that we had built together, leaving nothing behind but crumbles of dust.

—First life, year 2018—

My head was spinning. Worse yet, it felt like it was splitting in two.

Where was I? What the hell happened?”

I was pretty sure I blacked out. Or maybe I was in shock. It took a moment before everything began to clear up, though it didn’t actually make it okay when the pounding in my head stopped only to allow me to hear all the noises around me.

“Hey, buddy. Are you okay?” I felt someone gripping at my shoulder while I was stumbling out of the crowded room. I felt people’s eyes on me, but I ignored them all and turned to the person who was leading me out to a hallway right outside the room. That was when I turned and looked around, and everything sort of came back to me.

It was a frat party. I had heard that Sigma Phi was having this rave at their house and some people from my class had spotted Jungkook and his friends here. They had been sending me intel after I had spent the whole day searching for him after leaving ________’s flat.

After hearing how that bastard of a coward ran out of her place after finding out that she was pregnant.

And just like what my intel had informed me, he was hiding here with a fucking groupie who had been hanging out on Sigma to get lucky. Apparently, she lucked out to find that coward needing some distraction. But he wasn’t as lucky, as I found him easily, completely unguarded, and I managed to get a few hits to ruin his pretty face before he retaliated and knocked me on the head.

I flinched the moment I recalled the hit he gave me. It wasn’t hard, as he was pretty much drunk and my punches had probably left him disoriented, but he did put the blow at the right exact spot. And that spot was still pounding.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I grunted at my saviour. My fuzzy memory remembered his voice as the one who had stopped our fight and kicked Jungkook out of the house, and he had probably saved me from further humiliation by pulling me out of the dance floor.

“You need some ice on that. Come on, let me get you some,” he said, pulling my attention back to him just as all the party crowd went back to what they were doing before the interruption. Back to partying like drunken monkeys.

I was going to say no to his offer and leave. But it was obvious that he was not taking any kind of refusal for an answer when he simply turned away from me, already leading me towards the kitchen area at the back.

“Hey, Yoongi. Good to see you back. How was your trip?” Some guy greeted him as we passed a group of people coming down from upstairs. The man turned to me once Yoongi greeted him back with a low grunt, obviously not a man of many words. Just like what the rumours had said about him. The man who greeted Yoongi turned to me and frowned. “Damn, what happened to you?”

I winced when I reached up to touch my face, no doubt already bruising badly if everyone could already see it. “It’s nothing,” I said, and I thought I could see a bit of pity mixing with concern on Yoongi’s face when he turned to look at me.

“One of the bastards from Kappa Sigma hit him,” Yoongi explained, answering him for me. There was no doubt that he had witnessed everything that happened as he was the one who pulled us apart right after that bastard had put his fist on me, but I was glad that he wasn’t about to bring it up. Though knowing Jungkook’s reputation, pretty sure the rumours would start spreading in the morning. And I was quite sure that Jungkook must have been on his way back to her already, probably spitting out lies to protect himself. I really hoped that he would be grovelling on the ground she was standing on before she would take him back in her arms. Just the thought of them reconciling made me feel like there was a cold fist closing in around my heart. I hated knowing why he was here, hated that I had seen him and caught him red-handed. I wished I had beaten him up even worse, enough to stop him from running back to her, just like how he deserved it.

Just like how cowards like him deserved it.

“Don’t worry, man. I’m taking him back so I could put some ice on it,” I heard Yoongi’s voice talking to the other guy, snapping me back to present, and it was clear that I had missed out half of their conversation about my lousy fate. Only then did I realise that one of the girls from the group he was with was standing next to me, looking at the bruise curiously.

“Oh, you poor thing,” she said, holding back from touching my bruise and started rubbing her hand up and down my arm instead.

I forced a smile and held back another wince when the small gesture was enough to hurt. “Nothing a piece of ice couldn't fix. Though I’m sure that my pride took a lot more bruises from that,” I tried to joke, raising my hand that was clutching at my glasses, which had been broken no thanks to Jungkook’s fist. “And my glasses, apparently.”

I heard a few of the people from the group chuckling at my joke, while the girl began shaking her head while giving me a smile. I had heard things about the boys from Sigma Phi and nothing about them had ever been bad. Words spread around campus kept telling me that these boys were more decent than the boys from Jungkook’s house. Damn, even their groupies were decent girls. Just like the girl who was by my side, as I recognised her easily as someone who had frequented the library to study just as often as I usually would.

Unlike all those players in Kappa Sigma house who would rotate the girls they hooked up with according to months, sometimes weeks. Not to mention their fan club, the girls who spent nearly all their college years doing nothing but partying and hooking up with the popular kids on campus.

Why couldn’t she find someone from this house to fall for and date instead?

“Fuck, that’s messed up. Alright then, I’ll leave you to Yoongi’s capable hands. Hey, if you need a ride to the hospital or something to have some fixing, give me a holler, alright?” the guy whose name I couldn’t even remember offered me just when I was about to follow Yoongi, and all I could do was nod.

“Thanks, man,” I muttered, not sure if he could hear me through the loud music, but the girl did give me another smile and a peck on my cheek before she followed him out the back.

“Here you go,” Yoongi said to me as we sat around the kitchen counter, handing me a bag of ice that he pulled out of a beer cooler.

“Thanks,” I said, taking the bag from him and pressed it on my templed, immediately wincing at the pain. “Ow, fuck.”

He snorted at my reaction, though it didn’t exactly erase the concerned look in his eyes. “Take it easy.”

Sighing, I nodded my head stiffly and kept the ice pressed onto my face. “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

He nodded and pursed his lips, looking thoughtful for a second before speaking, “You’re her friend, aren’t you? Jungkook’s girl?”

My jaw twitched. “Yeah. We’ve been friends since we were kids.”

He began shaking his head. “You know, even if I don’t know her that well. I wouldn’t have to be her childhood friend to lay one on Jungkook. I fucking hate cheaters,” he said, looking disgusted.

“Doesn’t seem like the others think the same way as you do.”

Yoongi looked down, releasing a sigh. “I really don’t understand these people. They’d rather cover up some fucker cheating behind their girls and do nothing to those who really need some real help.”

I wanted to say something about it, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t even his friend, anyway. So we only sat there in silence with the music from the party still banging in the background. He turned to grab a bottle of beer from the cooler, offering one to me, then we continued to sit there while drinking our beers in silence. The rumours that I had heard about him over the past year came back to me just as I looked at his resigned face, and the words were hanging right at the tip of my tongue. Though I wasn’t completely sure what I was going to say if I wanted to bring it up in our conversation.

Would it be proper for me to ask if those rumours were true? Only minutes after he helped me?

Just when I opened my mouth to try and speak, to talk about anything, just to break this awkwardness between us, he looked up over my shoulders and out the windows overlooking the front yard as something coming in front of the house caught his attention.

“Hey, you need a ride back or something? I’m heading out, so—”

I began considering it, not exactly sure if I was ready to part ways yet. But again, we were not friends. Just because he had saved me from being humiliated in the middle of a party and by giving me some ice, didn’t mean we became instant best friends either. “Uh, no. But thanks. I’ll find my own ride somehow.”

He nodded. “Right. Take care then.”

“You too.”

I watched him leave the room. My eyes couldn’t look away from his retreating back as he ran out of the house and off to the sidewalk, riding a black SUV that didn’t exactly fit the scene on campus. There was something inside me that kept nagging me about letting him go without saying a thing or asking for his number, but I was too tired, too sore, and completely pissed at how this night had turned out to care about making friends.

Tossing the bag of ice into the sink, I walked out of the house through the side porch where he had exited the house from earlier and pulled out my phone. My heart was beating like crazy when I dialled his number, but that immediately passed when I heard his voice from the other side of the phone call.

“Hello?”

I bit my lips. Something inside my gut was telling me that I might be doing something stupid. But right now, I really had nobody else to turn to. “Namjoon, hi. It’s me, Taehyung. I’m sorry for bothering you so late, but I think I’m going to need a ride home.”

“There’s nothing for you to apologise for. You know that I’m always here for you. I’ll be there in ten. Wait for me.”

—First life, year 2020—

How did it come to this?

Standing at the back of the seated guests while wearing a tight monkey suit, I looked around with a mixed feeling in my chest. I had thought that I wouldn’t feel much about being here, but there was a feeling of disdain as I stood there, taking in all these guests. For a wedding ceremony, there were not a lot of people who came in. Just close relatives and friends, perhaps. But even as I looked over to see her parents sitting close to my mine, reminding me how our lives had been connected for as long as we knew each other, I still felt like a complete stranger.

I had no idea how she managed to find me. After I left college early to join Namjoon’s charity mission, I never had any contact with her. The only people I had kept in touch with had been my parents, sometimes Hoseok, but I had convinced them not to tell her where I was as I moved around with Namjoon and his crew.

So when I came home to the lodge where Namjoon and I had been staying in during our trip to find him handing me the invitation, needless to say, I was completely floored. There was no reason for me to be here. I guess the only reason why I had flown across the world was only to make sure that this was really happening and not her playing a sick joke on me.

Everything around me had shown me that this was real. That she was actually getting married. And right there, standing at the end of the aisle was the man himself.

Jeon fucking Jungkook.

He was talking with his brother when I looked over at him. As if he could feel my gaze on him, he suddenly turned to see me. His eyes hardened when he recognised me, but he only nodded at me instead of looking at me with hostility before returning to his chat.

I looked away just as my Dad left his seat and walked towards me. Giving me a pat on my shoulder, he whispered to me, “Glad to see you make it here, Son.”

We chatted for a bit with him telling me that he was finally able to convince _______’s Dad to walk her down the aisle, and he left just as both her parents and mine moved towards the bride side of the seats in the front. While they were moving, stealing everyone’s attention, I slipped away towards the rooms hidden on the other side of the Wedding Hall to find the bride’s room.

It didn’t take much convincing on the bridesmaids standing guard at her door to let me in so I could see her, though it was clear to me that she had not been expecting to see me dropping by right before she was about to exchange vows.

“You came,” she said, completely stunned to see me standing there. Neither of us made a move to come closer or hug each other the way we used to, as I stood closer to the door with my hands tucked inside my pockets and her trembling hands clutching on her flower bouquet. I noticed her favourite flowers, white roses and daisies, looking just as bright and glorious as her white wedding dress looked.

When I looked at her again, there was sadness in her gaze, and a bit of hope. But I knew I crushed the latter when I said, “I only came because I had too many questions. And I suppose I needed to be here just to see that this is actually going down.”

She gave me a grim smile. “As you can see, this is happening. I’m getting married,” she said, and her voice cracked for a second before she cleared her throat to hide it. “So—what questions do you have?”

She looked up at me expectantly and all the questions that had been circling inside my head since the moment I held the invitation she sent me in my hands became all jumbled together. The only thing that came right out of my mouth was—

“Why?”

She blinked, clearly not expecting that. So I simply continued, “Why, after everything that he had put you through, would you still marry him?”

Her eyes softened, though there was a hint of doubt in them when she spoke. “He’s been with me the entire time. He has helped me heal and helped me with the grief of losing our—” She stopped before she could even try to say the word ’baby,’ obvious that she had yet to get over the grief of losing her pregnancy. The fact that she had not only forgiven him for causing the event but also for getting back together with him had been the reason why I left a couple of years ago.

I had no idea that she was still having trouble with it and that she was still grieving, all because I was not here for her. And apparently, he had been the one to fill that empty spot that I left behind on my departure.

“Why so soon? You still have yet to finish college, have you?” From the little communication I had kept with Hoseok since the day I left, I had known that she had been having trouble catching up with classes. The accident and the treatments that she had to go through made her fall back almost a year, and catching up must have been hard when most of her friends had excelled and when she was still haunted with everything that had happened, all the things she had lost, and the fact that she had to face all the people who knew about it.

Shaking her head, she began to admit the troubles she had been facing on campus, before letting me know that Jungkook had been going through the opposite. In his effort to show her that he was able to change, Jungkook had spent the past few years throwing himself into his study, making it possible for him to finish college early and for him to take a position in a company that belonged to one of his father’s business partner before he would take his place in his own family business like his brother did.

“He promised to take care of me,” she said after while smiling softly.

“And you still believe in him?”

She looked straight into my eyes and said, “I do. And he hasn’t failed me since to give me a reason not to believe in him.” I still had my doubts despite the way she seemed so sure about it, yet I said nothing, knowing that she would never listen to me anyway. Even if she would, it would only be much too late. Releasing a deep sigh, she repeated the same words she had given me then, “It’s not like it was an easy decision to make either, but—everyone deserves a second chance, Taehyung.”

’Not everyone,’ I wanted so badly to tell her, but I kept them to myself. Only because there was nothing good that could come out of it if I had said something to stop her. And judging by the looks of it, nothing could stop this from going on.

“And your parents? What did they have to say about this?”

“Obviously, neither my Dad nor Hoseok was happy about it,” she said dryly, and I remembered seeing her Dad fuming in his seat as he waited for the ceremony to begin, before my Dad seemed to be able to somehow change his mind. “But Mom had given me a chance to make the choice. Though I doubt that we’ll be invited home for the holidays as long as my Dad still refuses to give us his blessings. She could barely convince them to come. I think they only came today initially because she hasn’t been feeling well lately and both my Dad and my brother had been worried about letting her go out of the house on her own.”

I looked down and resisted the urge to shake my head. Now I understood why her parents had been sitting close to the exit, no doubt all because her Dad was so ready to walk out of the ceremony instead of staying to support her. And honestly, being away from her had yet to change what I had thought about Jungkook.

“He doesn’t deserve you.”

The words that I gave her the last time we met came back to me. I still had no regrets ever voicing my thoughts and opinions about Jungkook, but I regretted that she was too stubborn to even consider taking her time before she would give him another chance and open her arms to welcome him back. And now, she was marrying him, completely tying the knot to make it last even longer. Perhaps forever.

“Taehyung?”

As I looked at her again, there was an expectation in her gaze that pulled at my heart. It was then when I realised that sending me the invitation was her act of lending me an olive branch. To give us another chance in friendship and have me back in her life again.

The same way she gave a chance to Jungkook.

But it was too late. Looking at things now, it was obvious that we were no longer walking on the same path. We had parted ways on a crossroad years ago, choosing different directions which had led us to who we were today.

Before she could say anything, I took a few steps closer to her and kissed her on the forehead. The move must have surprised her because she stiffened at my touch for a moment before relaxing against me, though I gave her no chance to dwell on it when I whispered,

“Be happy.”

Without looking back at her, I quickly left the room, leaving her behind with her own thoughts. Less than fifteen minutes later, I was right back where I was standing earlier, right at the far back in the Wedding Hall, witnessing her moody father walking her down the aisle to where Jungkook was waiting for her. Both of them shared big smiles on their faces as they were joined together at the altar, though her eyes showed sadness when she glanced back at the guests to find me, knowing that it would be the last time she would ever see me.

I stood there in silence as the ceremony continued. As they held hands, staring into each other’s eyes as they exchanged vows to be together until death would do them part. It was like adding salt to my wounds, but it was enough to make me see the reality of our relationship, that I had been replaced.

“He promised to take care of me.”

And there was really no need for me to stay, whether to prove myself wrong and watch him actually make her happy or to witness her regretting her decisions when he would hurt her again one day the way he had the last time she gave him her trust.

The moment I heard her say, “I do,” I didn’t stay long enough to wait for the ceremony to end and turned away, making my way out of the Wedding Hall and out of her life, where I was no longer needed.

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cregla · 3 years

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Look. I can’t talk for american people who were actually afflicted by Trump’s presidency. Nor I can’t talk for POC people since I am not one of them. Nor I can talk for other LGBT+ people like me, even If I’m one of them, because I am only one person and can’t speak for everyone. I, however, can speak for myself and for what I think when I read all about this controversy in our fandom and community. This morning I woke up with people on Twitter (who had already harrassed, not called out gently, mind you, harrassed, people for things already addressed off) screaming at Dream (wow, what a fucking surprise) because when he was younger (and I think a minor? Or around that age) he was, apparently, a Trump Supporter and way more conservative than he is now. Dream tweeted out both some apologies and a very long explanation about the situation (I linked it because some people are completely ignoring it, saying that he only “tweeted once or twice some short excuses”) Now. I’m sorry to say that I... don’t see what the actuall fuss is all about? I mean, I could see it if Dream was a Trump supporter now. I could see it if he didn’t say sorry, or if he didn’t address anything at all about it, deciding to stay silent. Otherwise... People... can change...? Especially young people? When I was a child, I was a classist piece of shit. I was born not only in a wealthy middle class family, but I’m a descendant of three fucking noble lines, apparently, which means nothing in the place I live but still influenced how we tought about ourselves. And even if my mother was trying to make me a better person, educating me on respecting others, I still grew up in that context. A context that was white, rich, catholic and heterosexual. Until I was around, like, 10, I was homophobic, because I really did not know anything about LGBT+ people besides stereotypes and only learned about them through fandom and fanfiction once I started using internet. In middle school I was lesbophobic, because I was a closed repressed little shit who was scared of the tought of actually liking a girl in that way. And I stayed like that until I was 14 and I met my AFAB partner, who I’m now engaged with, and I started to unlearn everything I had known before - not only homophobia but also classism, as I was thrown up in the real world and not the one I lived before (that had a lot of serious problems regarding my family life, but was still privileged). The same year I realized I was trans, but repressed the tought because I only knew trans people through stereotypes and didn’t want to be “like that”. It was only when I was already an adult, at 19, that after years of meeting new people and making myself a better person, I actually came out as trans. And while I don’t believe I was really “racist” in the oppressive meaning of the term, I still was in a “latent” way - as in, believing in certain stereotypes and having invasive toughts brought up by how I was raised.

Mind you, I never tried to hurt someone. I never bullied someone because of my beliefs, or harrassed them. As I was a minor, I never voted for laws that would hurt LGBT+, POC or Poor people. I fully believed that I had to be respectful of people even If I didn’t “like them” (aka, even if i was a piece of shit). I, however, was still in the wrong. I still believed those things, I still made some weird jokes both on the internet and IRL that may have hurt someone. I MAY have hurt someone without knowing it, because again, the fact that I believed to be a good person didn’t make me one. However, I changed. I grew up. Not only because I am now part of minorities but because I learned how the world really was. I get to met the people I ““hated”“ before and I realized I didn’t hate them at all! My family still fucked up in a way about some things. I decided to educated my self. I learned. I changed. When reading Dream’s apology, assuming that it’s true (we can’t really know, but for me? It seems genuine) I saw myself - a person that, while wasn’t homeschooled, still lived in that kind of context. If Dream was, when he was younger, way conservative, that doesn’t mean he is now. And that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel like shit for what he was before. Now, mind you. Saying sorry doesn’t actually “excuses” you from something you have done. But people are allowed to learn from their mistakes, to change. Claiming that Dream is a bad person because years ago he was like that, it’s harmful in a terrifying way. Because people always talk about “educating themselves” but apparently, for some that’s not true? For some you have to be pristine since the day you were born, otherwise it doesn’t count. And that’s... that’s stupid? Everyone makes mistakes? No one is perfect? Also, mistakes aren’t all the same. Some are not that bad, others are terribly bad. Twitter treats them all like they were the same. If you did something bad once, that’s it. You’re out, for them. Yes, there are mistakes that can’t be excused, no matter what you do. I mean, duh. I’m not saying that everyone that changes has to be excused, of course there are limits (and altough they still may try to be better people after, that would be only something personal for them, and not something that gives them a “pass” for what they’ve done) But if Dream is really sincere about what he said, if he’s really changing himself from what he was like as younger, then canceling him it’s not good. Now, you don’t have to like him. Hell, you can think whatever you want about him. If you don’t want to accept his apology, it’s your choice. You don’t have to only because it was made. But if it was sincere, then stop harrassing him for that. If it was sincere, it means that he’s now trying to be a better person, just like he should be. You can’t go claiming that people need to be better if when they try to do so you go searching in their past for every single mistake they made. Edit: (Of course, if Dream isn’t sincere at all, or other things come up that show us how he’s still like that, then fuck him, that’s obvious. But the fact that people can change themselves and grow up is still valid)

#dreamwastaken #cc!dream #discourse #mcyt #tw: homophobia #tw: racism #tw: transphobia #tw: classism

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lilmissbacon · 3 years

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Why Jelsa is Ridiculously Stupid

Let me start off by saying that the idea of this ship was cute at first, I have nothing against it. In fact I have a few ships myself that have nothing to back them up. I am not making this to convince people to be anti, stop the ship itself, or spread any form of hate what so ever.

But this Jelsa fandom has gone too far. And when I say "jelsa shippers," of course I don't mean ALL of them, just about 80% of them.

In fact, I'm very appreciative of the few jelsa shippers who don't go around harassing others because "jelsa is life."

Also, allow me to correct you in saying that I'm not a jelsa hater, I'm a jelsa loather. There's a difference. Most jelsa haters, hate jelsa for the sake of hating it.

I genuinely hate it.

And don't go commenting about, "how do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?" Because you see, that's where you're wrong. I did used to ship it, when I was 11. I was a child, I was new to the internet, I didn't know better. But I do now!

I am writing this so that some who may not know, will now understand why jelsa is bad and because I need to get all of this out of my system. I am slowly dieing inside.

First; I'm gonna go into how all the excuses to ship this are pointless. Next, I'll talk about just how these two would never work out as a couple. Then, will be what the toxicity has done to not just to the ship itself, but to the big four as well. And finally, I'll go into how uncreative the shippers are and just what horrible/stupid things they've done and are still doing.

1) Excuses are Pointless

Excuse #1: They have the same powers.

...Yeah, that's like saying you ship Lavagirl (Sharboy and Lavagirl) and Bolin (LoK) because they can both control lava. That's not a valid reason to ship anyone. There needs to be actual substance and I'll only say that once because that sentence applies to every excuse here.

Excuse #2: They look alike

🤦🤦🤦 First of all: that's also like saying you ship Tiana (Princess and the Frog) and Frozone (The Incredibles) because they're both black. Second of all: no they don't. It may be because I'm an artist so I notice small details, but here's how it is; Jack's hair is white, Elsa's is platinum blonde. Jack has a square chin, Elsa has a round face. Jack is much paler! THEIR EYES AREN'T EVEN THE SAME SHADE OF BLUE!!! Your excuse is null and void. Even so, if characters do look alike, then they're most likely to be related. Especially in animation.

Excuse #3: Jack can teach Elsa to have fun and Elsa can teach Jack to be serious

This clearly proves the point that jelsa shippers don't know these characters. The job of teaching Elsa how to be social and have fun is already taken by Anna. So if anything, Elsa will see Jack as a younger brother. And Jack wouldn't have been chosen to take on such a responsibility of guardianship if he didn't know when to quit. I don't know what it is about playful characters that make people think they're obnoxious. Jack is an immortal teenager with the heart of a child, that's what makes him a good guardian. But he's been alive for over 300 years, he bound to have the mind capacity of an adult and he does know better. He doesn't play when he's in battle, he's dead serious.

Excuse #4: They understand each other because they were both isolated for a long time

I don't know where you come from but people don't really "bond" over their trauma. Infact, if anything, that would make the relationship more unstable. Plus, Elsa isolated herself for 13 years because she was afraid of her powers. Jack was forced into isolation for 300 years! He has never been afraid of his powers and Elsa could still be seen throughout the day by parents and servants. They would never be able understand what the other went through.

Excuse #5: They both have a sister they love

SO WHAT?! At least half of the population have sisters. Simple as that. It's a horrible excuse.

Excuse #6: They both have an enemy in fear

Bruh, almost every fictional character has to deal with their fears, literal or mental. It's not at all unique to these two.

Excuse #7: Jack can teach Elsa to control her powers

She already has control of them by the end of the movie. And even if you mean prier to that, the reason she couldn't control them was because she feared them. I doubt that even if she could see him and if he showed her his powers, she's be irrational, believing that their powers were different.

Excuse #8: William Joyce says he ships it

Really, you're going to base the possibility of a ship because the writer of the 'books' that "inspired" rotg says he likes it. First: the books and movie are not the same worlds. Two: he most likely stated this in order for jelsa shippers to shut up to him about it. And three: his own canon with the books is a mess as it is. With him adding a bunch on random/unnecessary details on twitter that have no relevance or reference in the books. Even if he does ship it, everything that's going on with Jack's character in the books is weird enough as it is. Plus he's physically 14 in the books. I know age doesn't really matter but Elsa would definitely feel weird about dating someone who looks so young when she's currently 24 by the second movie.

Excuse #9: They could've met before the events of rotg

Not a reason to ship them but whatever 🙄 Even if their stories were based in the same world (which it isn't), Elsa never would've believed in fairy tales. Having to grow up so soon and all. She believes in magic, of course, but you need to believe in the individuals themselves in order to see them. Plus it is very clear in rotg that Jamie is Jack's first believer.

Excuse #10: Now that Frozen 2 is out, they are both spirits who followed the memories of their loved ones. They can live forever together!

Once AGAIN, how does this factor to them being a good couple? Plus the title of spirit is different in the Frozen-verse than the Guardian-verse. Guardian-verse; they are un-aging beings who keep the entire world in balance. Frozen-verse; never confirmed to be immortal (especially since 3 out of 5 spirits are inanimate objects), magical things that keep a single forest secure. The only reason the elements needed a fifth spirit was most likely because the one before Elsa died of old age. Plus the idea of Elsa outliving Anna goes against the theme of sisterly love that both movies strive on. This can be changed in fanfiction but I hate how people lie about her mortality for an excuse to ship.

Excuse #11: They're both single

So what? People ship characters who aren't single with other characters all the time. That's not a reason to ship them. Especially since your statement is false because Tooth is Jack's canon love interest.

It is true that jelsa haters will give reasons to not ship that I necessarily don't agree with.

•Like the age gap — Jack has the mental capacity of an adult, as I've said before. He's smart enough to make his own choices.

•Elsa not being immortal — that doesn't mean they can't still date, even if he outlives her. Plus you can change that in fanfiction.

•They come from different studios and will never be canon — Again, this is fanfiction, we can do whatever we want.

•Elsa is independent and shipping her with someone takes her independence away — for one: most of the world is bound to find love at some point in time. I would imagine that Elsa would want to find love like her sister. Two: Mulan, Pocahontas and Jasmine are very independent and they all still ended up with men. Three: she's not that independent to begin with. Independence isn't relationship status, it's your ability to make it on your own and Elsa is clearly, very dependant on Anna and her safety. Which is actually what pushes her to being a bad sister in Frozen 2. In fact it is because they made her more 'independant' in the sequel that Elsa clearly, no longer loves Anna as much as Anna loves her (you can check out Watso Videos' video on YouTube about how Elsa is a bad sister bc I'm not gonna go into it here).

My god that was ALL just part one. This is gonna take forever 😰

2) How they would never work out

For Elsa, she needs someone who is calm and collected. A rock for her to stand on when she's being irrational. Possibly even someone who is very stoic and straight to the point but with enough sense of humor to lighten the mood. And now that I'm thinking about it, Honeymaren fits that description to a tee. I'm not one to push LGBT+ in anyone's face, but I'm not gonna judge ships on characters assumed sexualities either. Even though Honeymaren didn't have much screen time, her personality still showed through and Elsamaren could very well work.

Jack on the other hand needs someone who would be able to keep up with his playful nature as well as be a rock for him to stand on when he's emotional. Tooth is a good suitor even though I don't really ship it myself. Hiccup, Merida and Rapunzel could also fit in this description.

They don't have the ability to be each other's rocks. They can't be stable if they both need someone to keep them so. If they were to date, the relationship would crumble before it even began.

Plus Jack has to be a guardian and there are a lot of fanfics that go into this idea of Jack being the king of Arendalle? First off: I'm fairly certain that you can't marry into royalty to become king. At least in the real world. Second: Jack wouldn't be able to handle that responsibility with him already being a guardian. And he can't just leave guardianship either, it was what he always was and was ment to be. And Elsa has the responsibility of keeping a magical forest in check, she can't leave to become a guardian.

3) The Toxicity

Oh my God! The fanfiction! As I usually say, you can do whatever you want in fanfiction. But if you have to butcher all the characters so much in EVERY fanfic in order to make the ship work, then there's clearly something wrong here! In every fanfic I've ever seen, the characters are so out of character it's insane. Not just Jack and Elsa, every character.

Olaf for example, is practically in love with Jack first meeting, in every fanfic. If he were to actually meet Jack, he would be apprehensive of him.

It's horrifying in not only that, but jelsa shippers will add Rapunzel a lot, just in spite of Jackunzel. They turn Rapunzel into a needy ex-girlfriend of Jack's when in reality, she's a very sweet and kind soul. Even if she and Jack had dated, they would've split on good terms and stayed friends after. There have also been cases where they do the same but with Tooth. Sometimes even both and it's honestly sick.

And let's talk about the sexism as well HAHA! I swear to God, they will rewrite Frozen but where Jack will save Elsa instead of Anna. They write Elsa as a hormonal teenage girl who falls in love with Jack within seconds.

This is from an actual jelsa shipper, my dude. WTF!!! They make Jack super dominant as well as a douche who cheats on Elsa half the time. Jack is not that dominant, he's a very emotional guy. And he'd be the most faithful boyfriend on the planet. He was alone for 300 years! If anything, he'd be clingy but not too clingy because he also understands personal space.

And if you like angsty fanfiction where a character cheats on the other, there are literally no fanfics where Elsa cheats on Jack. As if a woman couldn't possibly cheat. This is very sexist towards men and women and is toxic as hell.

If anything, Elsa would cheat on Jack, she's not exactly trustworthy in keeping promises or being loyal.

I swear, half of the jelsa shippers has never even seen rotg and just go by what they read in others fanfiction.

Jelsa shippers have gotten so bad about this ship that they've low-key harassed people for not shipping it, as well as start shipping wars within the big four fandom. That's the reason the fandom truly shrunk after 2013. I've seen posts about people admitting to leaving the fandom because it got so bad.

4) The Shippers

Jelsa shippers have literally threatened lives, not just to other fans but even to the creators of the movies. Literally threatening them into making the ship canon. They've made patitions to make it canon as if that would work. They've even harassed a lot of recent shippers to Elsamaren because "jelsa is canon."

Oh look at that, they're homophobic too...

...

... That's great 🙃

Isn't it a bigger sin to love a celestial being though? Therefore the fact that you –as a toxic christian– ship Elsa with a spirit it worse.

THEY'RE DELUSIONAL!!! So many of them have shipped jelsa so long that legit think it's canon!

Not only all that mess but there are literally more jelsa games on the internet then there are Merida games. I'm specifying this for personal reasons (aka Merida is my fave Disney princess)

And let's continue on with what really aggravates me as an artist. Jelsa shippers, stealing artwork, mostly from Jackunzel. This is not just a rumor, it's very much real.

And it doesn't help when all of their actual original fanart is just them taking scenes from Frozen and adding Jack. Then to add more salt on the wound is that almost all the fanfiction is the same, whether it'd be based during Frozen, rotg or in a highschool au.

There's literally nothing original about or going on with this ship, even after Frozen 2 came out, the shippers and fanfiction haven't changed. If anything it made the shippers spike up again.

The only thing that could say is original about jelsa is the frost daughter fanon. Oh boy! What we have to unpack here.

This is something that I recently heard about...

...

I am mortified.

Frost daughters is this little thing that jelsa shippers came up with, believing Jack and Elsa (if they could get pregnant) would have nothing but girls. What's scary about it is they're designs. Like they're trying to be original... But it's not really going great.

Most of them are just young!Elsa copies, some are edits of Elsa with Jack's hair color.

For example:

This is fine, this follows genetrical rules. I'm fine with this.

But what has me low-key petrified are some of the other designs.

Like... WTF IS ALL OF THIS!!! Where are this colors coming from?!! I don't understand 😭 You can see in the screen shots that these are literally titled as daughters of jelsa.

The white haired ones are fine. The ginger is understandable. Got it from Elsa's dad's genes. That's okay. A few are wearing pink? They can wear what ever they want. But wtf I'd going on with Nevada? Why is she black? Jack and Elsa the pastiest of white! And you cannot tell me that she got it from Elsa's mom because this was made BEFORE Frozen 2 and her mother is still white as an adult.

Where tf does the blue and pink hair come from? None of these make sense!

I want to kill myself, just looking at these!

That's gonna be the end of this rant

Now I'll say it again, I really have nothing against the ship itself. I too have casual ships that make no sense. But with ALL the fanfiction and fanart being so unoriginal and most jelsa shippers low-key being dangerous, it's hard for me respect people's opinions about it.

I try, trust me, I do! But it's become so murky in my brain that I can't tell the difference anymore and I'm also just not a fan of Elsa's character in general. And I like ships that actually make sense.

And being that I'm an equalist... it's really hard for me to look at this stuff and not get pissed off. I'm sorry if all of this comes off as aggressive because it kinda is.

I'm just very passionate, okay?

I hope you understand where I'm coming from. None of the pictures I used are mine. And I hope you have a good day?

#anti jelsa #antijelsa #jack frost #anti elsa #DreamWorks #disney #ships #hate jelsa #the big five

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thehollowprince · 3 years

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Sterek, Thiam, & Queerbaiting, Oh My!

(Or how racism and homophobia suppressed the actual representation of gay men in the show that fandom so desperately claimed they wanted.)

So, I'm just going to come out and say it right off the bat: neither of these ships were actually queerbaiting. As a matter of fact, I'd say that those ships just by themselves (and the fandoms that rose around them) were low-key homophobic. The reason I say this isn't just because of the large number of women in this fandom that fetishize mlm sexuality, nor is it about those who attack anyone who has any critique of those ships, its just about the ships themselves.

Now, one could argue that those ships arose from the fandom, and that is true, forever linking canon and fanon in the worst possible way, but this is more to do with the fact that the production of this show cowtowed to the vocal fans on Twitter and put moments in there that, while not explicitly canon, was a not-so-subtle nod to those "fans" that harassed people over crack ships.

Of course, I've been over this before, the pedophilic nature of Sterek and the outright abusive elements to Thiam, but those very real complaints (from an actual gay man like myself) always fall on deaf ears or is usually met with the whole "fiction doesn't affect reality" spiel. And this is incredibly frustrating (or even downright infuriating) to those of us who have had to live with these stereotypes because of our sexuality. To this day there are people out there who equate gay men with pedophiles. That's one of the major talking points for these anti-LGBT religious groups and there's an entire group of people on the internet who are dedicated to promoting a predatory style relationship (Sterek).

What makes the popularity of Sterek so infuriating, is the fact that we had Danny right there. Danny was present in the second episode of the series. We were introduced to him before there was any kind of interaction between Stiles and Derek, and yet he is continually slept on by the fandom, and then by the production as a result of the fandom, which eventually led to Danny just disappearing from the show entirely. To add insult to injury, Danny was practically everything Fandom was crying for when it came to gay representation. He was handsome with a nice body, smart and funny, and everyone liked him, and yet there's usually cricket chirps whenever he's mentioned. Something similar happened to Scott - a character that who stuck fast to his morals and was just an all around good person, and yet so many people violently hated him. Now what could Danny and Scott have in common that made so many people look past them? Gee, I wonder?

Moving forward, once Sterek was no longer a possibility, rather than focus on, I don't know, Mason, a character that was tailor-made for the fandom, they once again make up a crack ship to flock around (Thiam) rather than focus on the actual, consensual relationship that was made up of actual gay characters.

But you may be saying to yourself, "at least these two (Theo and Liam) were around the same age", and you would be right in that regards. But what makes this ship bad, is that it's rooted entirely in first deceit and then later in physical violence. I remember very vividly seeing someone say that Liam and Theo punching each other was how they expressed their affection and I was horrified by that. How many times a day on this app do we see posts floating around that domestic violence is wrong? And then how many times do you see a ship (usually a crack ship) that a fandom loves rooted in physical violence? The disconnect is terrifying.

All of this while Mason and Corey were right there, being cute and in love and everything that fandom claims they want when it comes to representation, yet they're totally ignored in favor of the two straight characters beating the shit out of one another. This is why so many franchises revolving around these "macho men" are able to thrive, even though so many people (mostly women) in fandom claim they want softer men. And yet, whenever a softer man is presented, particularly if they're a man of color, they're brushed aside.

And that's just mlm representation! You hear almost nothing when it comes to wlw representation, unless its to get the women "out of the way".

This all comes down to the racism that permeates every level of fandom. I'm not saying this is intentional, because we've all done it. Hell, I did it. When I joined the Teen Wolf fandom, I followed pro-Sterek blogs and reblogged Sterek posts, because I wanted to be accepted in the fandom, and I bought into the propaganda that was fanon!Sterek. I read the metas and the fics and decided to believe in those instead of what I saw on the screen with my own two eyes. Thankfully, I snapped out of it, but that's why Sterek (and later Thiam) dominated fandom spaces, even making their way to polls for "Best Couple" on many websites.

And then, when these ships don't become canon, fandom screams QUEERBAITING!!! Even though those ships were something made up entirely by the fandom and never something that production considered being canon.

Another big part of how the situation gets as bad as it does is that fandom misunderstands (either accidentally or deliberately) what racism actually means. It's not just the throwing of slurs, it's the preference of the white character over the character of color, even though the latter has everything they said they wanted. Racism is reducing characters of color to stereotypes, such as a brown or brown person being violent (Tamora and Kali) or the sexually obsessed Latino (Scott) or the untrustworthy negro (Deaton and Morrell). Hell, even Boyd was thrust into the silent negro stereotype for some reason.

Now this part, this is as much the production's fault as it is the fandoms, because while the former introduced those concepts (or even if fandom thinks they introduced those concepts) fandom then takes them and blows them out of proportion. How many times have I gotten an ask from that one anon telling me that Scott was "obsessed" with Allison? How many times have I seen metas about how Deaton was "untrustworthy" because he didn't share his every waking thought? How many times did we see particular blogs slut-shame Braeden because she engaged in a consensual relationship with Derek?

And the thing about those is, yes, the original idea was introduced in the show, such as Scott's relationship with Allison or Deaton only offering advice when asked or Derek and Braeden flirting, but fandom took them and cranked them up to eleven in an effort to make these characters look horrible. This is something we don't see at all when it comes to their white counterparts. Stiles is never described as "obsessed" by the fandom despite his fixation on Lydia. Peter is almost never described as "untrustworthy" by the fans despite lying and decieving people all the time. Neither Lydia or Malia are called sluts for being sexually active despite not being in relationships.

When Derek repeatedly assaults Stiles (or Scott, not that fandom cared), it's seen as quirky or romantic (same with Thiam), but when Scott hits Isaac or Jackson, in scenes that were very specifically shown to be comedic, its seen as abusive and violent. Stiles asking Danny if he's "attractive to gay guys" or pausing after Caitlin asked him if he liked guys is deemed proof that he's bisexual, but Scott's interactions with Isaac and Danny (or even Stiles himself), where had they been a guy and a girl, it would have clearly been an intimate moment, is still considered absolutely straight by fandom.

So what's the difference?

It's the racism.

The real kicker at the end of the day here is that fans cry queerbaiting, all the while they're actively sleeping on the actual gay representation that's there. It doesn't fit their aesthetic, so they ignore it, and then wonder why mlm relationships are going down in television. I'm not saying we shouldn't want or demand more representation in media, but people can't be so ignorant as to outright ignore the representation they're given and then wonder why they're not getting more.

Well, this got way longer than I originally intended and I hope I'm not just screaming into the void, but this is an issue that's still relevant, all these years after Teen Wolf ended.

#teen wolf meta #teen wolf fandom problems #teen wolf racism #scott mccall defense squad #anti sterek #anti thiam

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deactivated-20220808 · 3 years

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The Harm of ‘Validity Culture’ - A Scathing Criticism of Online Validation and Its Opposition

Alternate Title: Why I’m Not On Either Side of the Argument

Hello, Remy again and today I wanted to talk about ‘validity culture’--i.e., “if you experience it, it’s valid” and similar statements, as well as those who oppose validity culture and attack vulnerable parts of the community because their systems present differently. Buckle up, this one gets a little long.

Content warnings: Discussion of fakeclaiming and harassment, being wrong about being a system and similar topics.

Introduction

On a surface level, this doesn’t actually seem bad, and, on a surface level, it’s not. Validity is something we all crave as people, especially when we’re talking about something like systems, which can come with amnesia, hardcore denial, fakeclaiming, self doubt, and more that can cause us to think “no, I couldn’t possibly be a system!”

But there’s issues with places that don’t allow you to be wrong.

Some people come into certain spaces and say, “well, I don’t know if I’m a system or not, but here are my experiences, can someone help me figure out if I’m a system?” And a lot of what they’re describing might not sound like being a system, but instead something else, like identity issues, dissociative amnesia, a personality disorder, etc. But nonetheless, the people of validity culture will step in every time and say, “that’s valid!” And “there’s actually a term for that!” Without using any critical thinking skills about whether or not what this person is actually experiencing is related to being a system at all, all because it would require them to think harder about their own experiences and question whether or not they’re a system.

There’s a reason this culture exists, though, one that nobody really wants to address.

But Where Did ‘Validity Culture’ Come From?

‘Validity culture’ exists because of fakeclaiming and harassment, full stop. People wouldn’t need spaces like this if fakeclaimers didn’t act like being wrong about being a system was the worst thing in the world, if fakeclaimers didn’t create such a horrible reputation for those that were wrong about being systems, if fakeclaimers just left people they didn’t know alone.

Because people were being fakeclaimed and harassed to the point of distress, some people wanted to create spaces where they wouldn’t be harassed, spaces where they could be validated in their experiences without people acting like they were wrong for existing a certain way that didn’t look like certain other people’s experiences, and over time it evolved into what it is now. Pluralgang.

‘Validity culture’ was created in direct response to extreme harassment, fakeclaiming, subreddits like r/fakedisordercringe and r/systemcringe, anon hate and death threats from strangers on the internet. Validity culture exists because of the harassment people received from fakeclaimers, and that is something nobody wants to address.

Years ago, people used to harass anyone who claimed to have introjects, god forbid you be introject-heavy. Now, it’s full of people who may or may not be systems but are claiming to be because they either are systems, or they’re afraid of what being wrong would do to them, considering the reputation people who are wrong get due to how fakeclaimers behave. They’ve always behaved like this, too. If you were wrong back then, you were an irredeemable asshole, and if you’re wrong now, you’re still an irredeemable asshole.

But now with the introduction of ‘validity culture’, if you’re wrong about being a system, then you’re an irredeemable asshole to some people, and to others you’re someone who can be made into a system to prove them wrong, or you’re secretly a system and haven’t figured out your real headmates yet, or you’re actually a median system leaning towards being a singlet on the plurality spectrum and etc...

People on one side can’t accept that someone might’ve been accidentally wrong about being a system and that doesn’t mean they’re inherently a bad person or were faking, as faking is a conscious choice. It just means they were wrong.

People on the other side can’t accept that some people are just wrong about being a system, and choosing not to be after figuring out they aren’t doesn’t make them an inherently bad person or mean they’re rejecting anything. It just means they aren’t a system.

What Needs To Be Added To The Discussion?

The discussion of syscourse has such extreme black and white views on people because of fakeclaimers and because of the resulting validity culture that expanded from them, and people wanting to be seen without being attacked for existing in a way that some people didn’t like, and on some level, i can empathize with not just one, but both sides. I am part of an introject-heavy system, and that’s something that would get me fakeclaimed pretty easily in a lot of places, and I have been. I’ve been fakeclaimed, or implied to be faking by people I considered friends for a myriad of reasons, one of the weirdest being that we somehow ‘acted similarly’.

On another level, I want people to take what I’m experiencing seriously, and when people treat it like some fun identity that doesn’t really mean anything and can be picked up or dropped at any time, when people deny that DID is a trauma disorder despite the studies, or when people outright deny science, when people use my disorder as an excuse to be an asshole or liken being a system to being LGBT, it’s incredibly frustrating all of the time. I get it, believe me.

But ‘validity culture’ is just as toxic as fakeclaimers in a lot of scenarios. People involved in ‘validity culture’ are not in any way, shape or form innocent, or free of blame or criticism for their own actions and toxicity.

Remember how people discussed things like ‘toxic positivity’ when the trend of being critical of ‘Steven Universe’ was a huge discourse? ‘Validity culture’ is the living embodiment of ‘toxic positivity’.

Somewhere, I saw someone asking if they could use terms like ‘plural’ to describe themselves even though they weren’t sure if they were a system, and were aware that they had identity issues due to their CPTSD. Someone chimed in and said, ‘hey, I think you should be careful with questioning if you’re a system considering your identity issues, here’s what I suggest’, and people tried to shut that down. Even the person themselves said it didn’t feel ‘right’ to be a singlet, or something along those lines. There was then a long discussion about median systems that lead to this person identifying with the term ‘parasian’, which refers to a median system that leans more towards the singlet side of the plurality spectrum.

I can’t tell if this person is part of a system or not because I’m not an expert of any kind, all I know is that they have CPTSD and ADHD, according to them.

But I can say that immediately rejecting the idea that someone could just be a singlet, even causing themselves to reject the idea of the possibility of being a singlet, (they even rejected the idea of creating headmates, which was suggested if being a singlet was so uncomfortable to them), and instead identifying with a term that just sounds like having a fluid personality, (at least to me, since I don’t really understand the term myself), feels infinitely more harmful than someone being able to open a dialogue of potentially not being a system.

And this is the problem with ‘validity culture’.

Toxic Validation: Where Things Go Wrong

Validating everything someone is experiencing instead of being able to open a dialogue and say, “hey, what you’re experiencing doesn’t sound like my experiences, and I think you should talk to other people about it and do more personal research, possibly talk to a therapist, people who have been diagnosed with DID or other people who have been in the community for years before saying you are a system or before genuinely questioning if you are”, is incredibly toxic. It does so much more harm than good, because some people will be out here, singlets in denial, applying names and ages and genders to parts of themselves that are not fully autonomous, to parts of themselves that aren’t separate in any way, shape or form, mistaking kin-shifts for alters, mistaking dissociative amnesia for alters, mistaking PTSD EPs and BPD and OSDD2 and other disorders known to cause identity issues with alters and refusing to recognize that they could be wrong because validity culture told them it was right, and validity culture does what it does best and constantly validates these people, and says, “if you experience it, it’s valid” and “if you experience it, it’s normal” and “everything you’re experiencing is valid” and “label yourself with what feels most comfortable, even if it’s not accurate to what you’re experiencing”. They’re doing it because validity culture said what they were experiencing was ‘valid’ for a system, and these people never bothered to do their research.

What’s worse is that most of these people weren’t even around to know what ‘Astrea’s Web’ is/was. They’re often times /that young/, and don’t know where to go but their peers for information, and often times that information just comes from severely misinformed carrds and twitter threads instead of genuine, scientific research and decades of personal experience.

And this is, again, in _direct_ response to fakeclaiming. We would not have these issues if fakeclaiming and harassment weren’t so rampant in the online system community. Because fakeclaiming and harassment have become so rampant in the online system community, it’s caused people to see any kind of criticism of their validity culture-style community as coming from a gatekeeper that doesn’t think they’re real, that it’s just someone who’s trolling or gatekeeping and they aren’t someone to take seriously because they’re spouting ‘pluralphobic’ or ‘sysmed rhetoric’--the definition of which changes depending on who you ask due to the term being so watered down, but, like usual, that’s another post for another day.

Both of these toxic sides of the community feed into each other, and they do it heavily, and nobody seems to ever see the cycle.

Fakeclaimers feed off of seeing validity culture validate some of the most impossible and insane things, like the ‘singlet fictive’ discourse that went around twitter a couple months ago, to say ‘hey, look at these whacky inclusionists, you shouldn’t listen to anything they say because they all support this’, (they don’t all support these things, actually, and it’s pretty obvious that this was either a troll or someone severely misinformed), while ‘validity culture’ feeds off of the harassment of fakeclaimers to say ‘hey, these people are just gatekeepers, and you shouldn’t listen to them because they’re like transmeds and TERFs’ (they’re not even comparing them to anything accurately comparable at this point, either, but another post for another day; ‘sysmeds’ are not anything like transmeds or TERFs).

It’s a toxic cycle of harassment, confusion, misinformation spread through carrds and twitter threads, and miscommunication on what the DSM and ISSTD guidelines actually say due to laypeople trying to be the mouthpieces of these medical texts without understanding how to read them.

Everyone is yelling at each other and it doesn’t make sense, because both sides are horrifically toxic and need improvement, and neither of them want to see it or take any kind of criticism, because they see the other as somehow inherently infringing on their right to live, somehow. Both sides have a tendency to see criticism of their arguments as ‘the other side’s rhetoric’ instead of coming from a place of wanting to better the community. It gives me the same vibes as that one book that was banned in the US for being ‘communist propaganda’, and banned in the USSR for being ‘anti communist propaganda’. Neither side wants to see the faults in their own communities, much less try to fix them, and it’s made the community horrifically toxic, and forces people to pick sides they don’t necessarily agree with because of how toxic either side can be.

People need to be mature enough and have nuanced enough views to recognize that both sides of the argument are extremely toxic.

What Can We Do?

We need to be able to open a dialogue about being wrong about being a system, and we need it for certain people’s health, because for some people who incorrectly believe(d) they’re a system, it’s extremely detrimental to their mental health to separate parts of their own subconscious off just to believe they’re a system, or because they’re mislabeling their symptoms, or to fit in or because that’s what they feel like they have to be for whatever reason, or even just because they want attention, because that happens sometimes, even if people don’t want to believe it--but it’s not nearly as common as some fakeclaimers like to believe.

We need to open a dialogue for people who were/are wrong about being a system, we need to be able to pin down certain experiences as irrefutably plural, or groups of experiences when, grouped together, are irrefutably plural experiences, and other experiences or groups of experiences, as irrefutably not, and to stop treating being plural like an identity and start taking it much more seriously due to the fact that it’s disrespectful to actual plural experiences to /not/ take it seriously.

No, it’s not always serious and doom and gloom being a system. I’m not saying that. What I’m saying is that we should take ourselves more seriously so that we can pin down what experiences are actually plural, and which ones are actually just things like identity issues and dissociative amnesia caused by other disorders, and what’s just code switching and people having normal, fluid personalities, because labeling all of these things as alters or headmates arbitrarily causes someone to lose a sense of self and causes them to start to fragment their own personality piece by piece. Someone falsely believing that they’re a system is part of what can lead to a disorder like OSDD2, which is a dissociative disorder that refers to identity disturbances, but no autonomous parts/alters.

We need to stop treating being a system like being LGBT, because it’s disrespectful to both LGBT and plural experiences to act like both are the same thing, or even remotely similar, speaking as a queer DID system. Being a system /affects/ your identity, but it is not, itself, an identity in the same way that LGBT labels are, and applying things like pride flags and symbols to every aspect of being a system is extremely uncomfortable because it feels like the two are being severely conflated when they don’t deserve to be.

But most of all, we have to realize that being wrong about being a system is /always/ an option, and that it doesn’t make someone a bad person. It just means they were wrong about being a system. It’s not that deep.

Food For Thought: A Lack of Progress in the Discussion

Really, it’s both sides of the argument are extremely toxic and lacking the nuance needed to actually get anything done. Making fun of either side or pulling up receipts from either side being shitty doesn’t actually prove anything. It just shows that either side can be vehement in their arguments and harassment and abuse of other people online. That doesn’t mean anything other than some people take it way too far, which is something that happens everywhere and isn’t special in any way.

We’re not making any progress with system discourse or system community discussions like this, and we won’t be until we add more nuance to the discussion until we’re able to be critical of our communities and the people in them, until we can deplatform abusive people, until we can be mature enough to admit our own faults. Because there’s a special kind of maturity in being able to admit your own faults and try to grow from them or build off of them and make them make you a stronger person and that, in turn, makes a stronger community. but the online system community has nothing but weaknesses relating to their faults. All you do is weaponize the other side’s faults while refusing to address the ones in your own communities and acting like you’re better for it, but you aren’t. It just makes you immature.

What people refuse to recognize: Both sides of the argument are incredibly toxic and both sides attack each other vehemently and without regards to the other person behind the screen and refuse to accept any kind of criticism for their community, and they do it like they can do no wrong and act like any criticism is bad and ‘the other side’s rhetoric’.

Conclusion

In conclusion: Learn to accept criticism. Learn to accept your faults. Learn to grow past them. Listen to the other side’s argument. /Really/ listen. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk. Respect the other side’s argument for what it is, because discourse is about intelligent discussion, not whiny bickering. Show the people you’re discoursing with more respect. Accept your faults and the faults of your communities. Bring nuance into your discussions and discourses, because almost nothing is black and white, ever.

Really, what I’m telling you to do, is grow up. Mature. Stop blindly believing in one side just because they told you the other side is bad. Form your own opinion on the subject through your own research on both sides. Try to have an intelligent discussion, for once, because we’ll never get anywhere if we’re constantly arguing and bickering with each other, it’s childish and nobody is going to take your arguments seriously if you’re acting like that, especially not outside of any kind of internet discourse.

Sorry if any of this sounds rude, but I’m a pretty blunt person and I’m not going to try and sugarcoat myself just to make myself palatable to a community that doesn’t take itself seriously and won’t stop bickering.

-Remy

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conservativetranny · 3 years

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2020 blog update

Hello. No idea if any of you ‘remember’ me but I do seem to have a fair few followers on here. I managed to access the login information for this account and it is safe to say this blog is dead. I denounce everything I stood for on this stupid shit.

I’m writing this because it’s what the blog deserves. Not looking to be dramatic, not looking for sympathy, in fact I think i’ll get a bit of backlash for this but bring it on.

The past and the present- a summary

I had this blog when I was 14, unfortunately way too young to have a social media presence (one which carried any responsibility like this one anyway). No matter what age I said I was, no matter how I portrayed myself or how you, my followers interpreted me, I was a sad young trans guy desperately hoping to look big, cool, masculine and stoic, and that manifested in the most toxic way possible.

I’m 17 now, still very very young, and after developments in my life, especially pursuing my medical transition and becoming happy within myself, I no longer hold such toxic beliefs as I once did. I am happier with myself and no longer feel the need to sacrifice others’ dignity, respect, and unfortunately sometimes on this blog, privacy, for my own. I was a very insecure, stubborn, and ignorant teenager, who dealt with a lot of denial. I’m not blaming the way I treated people online on other factors, but of course external factors came into play. I was dealing with bullying and insecurity, with parental problems, and with loneliness and depression. I seeked some sort of community, and I wanted to push myself away from the ‘weak’ trans community (the way I viewed it at the time). I wasn’t in denial personally, with the fact that I was trans (being gay is a different story- I was in complete denial with the fact that I’m gay), more just with the way other people viewed me (I will expand on this). I could elaborate on the way in which I viewed other people and the way that projected onto my conduction online, but it is a complex and confusing story. I have completely changed my viewpoint on trans ‘discourse’, I am open minded, I am close friends with people I would have turned my ignorant nose up at years ago. I am so proud to say that I am a completely different person now. I grow every day, it seems, and I can assure that I will never return to this ignorant mindset.

Growth

With experience, I have grown too. Obviously, from 14-17 i have become more mature. I have different experiences now as well, for example, I don’t bind often at all really anymore, because its more comfortable and can sometimes make me more dysphoric to know I am binding. I’m bringing this up because I bet you back when I was active on this blog, I would’ve laughed at the more mature, tolerant me, and probably went on a tyrade about how I was a fake trans guy or less of a man for not binding. I often wonder what ‘old me’ would think of ‘new me’. Now obviously, three years isn’t a hell of a big difference, but to a 17 come 18 year old it is. I understand I am not an adult yet, but I’ve always taken pride in conducting myself with a sense of maturity and articulacy, and for this post and platform especially I feel it is appropriate.

The Truscum Mindset

Back when I ran this blog, I was in an echo chamber of like minded people, which didn’t help my ideological development. I watched youtubers like Blaire White and Kalvin Garrah, who I thought gave me a balanced, moderate, and fair opinion which is clear is not the case. Back then I would’ve scoffed at the idea of Blaire and Kalvin and other similar people as being radical or a gateway, but I urge you, if you feel you are slipping to obsession with those ideologies, to seek to widen your opinions and associations. I understand it’s a fairly niche discourse topic, but for me it opened a wider rabbit hole into the alt right. From wanting to fit into the lgbt and wider communities as a masculine male, this opened up the black hole of the alt right, I browsed (now deleted) subreddits and 4chan boards, and forums that put me in a very negative and dangerous place. If you’d like me to make a post elaborating on this, I am more than happy to, but this post is to address conservativetranny.

Denial and owning up to responsibility

Back in 2017/18, I was very much in denial of certain aspects of myself, especially my sexuality. I am gay. I thought that this was, and especially as a trans guy, a demasculating quality. I still deal with those feelings sometimes, as a lot of young gay guys do, but thankfully it does not manifest itself as toxic as it once did. I just wanted to portray myself online as how I thought I wanted to be viewed-I didn’t want to be viewed like ‘any other trans guy’. I wanted to be different, but now I can appreciate individuality and I can also embrace being trans as well.

I used to think that having alt views was the coolest thing ever, which contributed to my slip into the alt right, something on which I’ll elaborate on in later posts. I am now an advocate for deradicalisation, and being rational, truly rational. I’m also an advocate for maturity and owning up to your mistakes.

I have hurt people, especially in my personal life, throughout my time as a stupid, thoughtless immature teenager and i am sorry, from the bottom of my heart, for that. I now respect the hell out of those people and unfortunately, but definitely rightfully so, they have lost their respect for me. I don’t blame them, because as I said, up until very recently I was a horrible, toxic person. With maturity, in the past half a year I have been able to own up to my mistakes and I am now taking responsibility for that. No excuses, because I was a shitty person. Of course there is a line between excuses and justification, and I hope those which are reading this can distinguish and appreciate this difference.

Self Hatred and Truscum

Back when I ran this blog, it was very easy to tell I was self hating. Everything I wrote on here, pretty much, was hateful except for the odd two posts that were about something unrelated to my ideology. I was extremely dysphoric and in a bad place when I wrote these things and certainly projected my insecurities onto others. I wanted to find a community of different thinking people that would accept me, and this community was certainly the wrong turn. I had a feeling that it was wrong at the time, but I was too naive and cowardly to own up to it and seek a way out. I kind of just naturally fell out of it, a a lot of things happened in my personal life in late 2018 that forced me out of trans discourse and into much more toxic places like the alt right and true crime fandoms, and I think I’ve only recently ‘found myself’ in the past year or so. I might make a post on self growth on the future as I intend to keep this blog to elaborate and voice my opinions on deradicalisation and highlight the importance of owning up and self awareness.

Don’t fall into the rabbithole

I’m not too acquainted with trans discourse anymore, so I’m out of the loop on this one, but I’d imagine that there’s still ‘transmed vs tucute’ ideas. Kalvin Garrah’s community comes to mind, I haven’t watched his videos ‘as a fan’, if that makes sense, for a while now but I am aware he has a large fanbase of young trans teens that were in a similar mindset to where I was back when I ran this blog. I would love for this post to reach his opposers and supporters for that matter, as a means to show them that they don’t have to fall into this cycle of hate which can be very damaging. I used to be an avid fan of Kalvin, and Blaire White, amongst others. I watched exclusively their content alone and formed my opinions around theirs. If you’re doing that now, I urge you to consider other people when you do. Think about the people like Brennan Beckwith, people who were severely impacted and hurt by hateful rhetoric. Those people are human too, and with maturity you will learn that people with different experiences and views are, at the end of the day, the same as you, and they have feelings as well .I’m going to make a post in the future about Kalvin Garrah, certainly, but maybe Blaire White as well.

Why now?

You may be wondering why this post is being made now of all times, and that is a question that has every right to be asked. I feel as if this timing is right because I finally possess the level of maturity needed to own up to my mistakes and tell you that I was wrong and it was certainly wrong to post those opinions and mistakes online for all to see, and put people in my real life on blast like I did.

I had completely forgotten about this blog, and forgot about the rude and ignorant words I had written towards the people in my real life, until chance had it that I was in contact with one of the people mentioned in this post. [https://conservativetranny.tumblr.com/post/169351517511/no-one-pretends-to-be-trans]

I’m not going to go into the nuances of the conversation we had, but it turns out they had, for a while and definitely rightfully so been hurt by the fact that I had mentioned them, by name, in this post. And while I’d of course still like to keep these people anonymous and will not sacrifice their anonymity in order to tell a story or ‘save myself’, this post is quite funny to read back on as I am good friends with the people referred to as ‘P’ and ‘Shadow’ now.

This is the end of this post, as I feel I have said everything I have wanted to say regarding my previous conduct on this blog. I’m going to change my name on this blog and my bio as I do intend on further posts in the future. I’m not sure how many people, if any, this post will reach, but I’m satisfied I have written this anyway. I certainly do plan on writing future posts but I’m not exactly sure how to formulate them. But thank you so much for reading this far, and if you have, I appreciate it.

#truscum #transmed #ftm #trans #dysphoria #kalvin garrah #kalvin garbage #terf #deradicalisation #i have literally no idea how to tag this #tucute #do people even say that anymore lol

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thebad---catholic · 4 years

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My problems with AOS

Well here I am, 10 years late with an opinion no one asked for, but I have to write this down and throw into the void so that I can be at peace. I’ve been salty about this film franchise for a very long time now. This will mostly focus on Star Trek (2009) with the other two movies sprinkled in.

1. Starfleet

Honestly where do I even begin? In TOS, Starfleet was modeled after the navy (idk how accurately, but Roddenberry was in the air force so I’m assuming he’d know how all that works). You can get a feel for the chain of command, and everything feels natural with character ages and things like that. There’s a procedure for everything.

AOS Starfleet feels more like a high school club than an interplanetary exploration organization. Jim is supposed to be twenty-five when he gets the rank of captain- after he was almost expelled for cheating. He has no idea how to operate or run a starship. TOS Kirk moved through the ranks of Starfleet and was promoted on merit and leadership skills- he worked for his position.

Why was Jim the only person who knew what was happening when Nero showed up? Was there any requirements to joining to Starfleet other than get on the shuttle? Why did the linguist not know the difference between Vulcan and Romulan when they’re the linguist? How did Pike bypass the chain of command to appoint Jim Kirk as First Officer which was an obvious show of favoritism to someone was about to be thrown out of the academy? Why the fuck was he allowed to keep the title of captain? What the fuck?

Speaking of Jim.

2. Jim Kirk’s Character

I...don’t like Jim’s character in this film. It’s not terrible for a younger version of Kirk, but like I said though, there’s no reason Kirk should be this young. And in this one he’s just kinda a douche.

We know from TOS that Kirk gets around, but he genuinely cares for his exes, and in general respects women. He uses sex appeal as a strategy, but more than anything this comes off as a subversion of the femme fatal trope bc Kirk is a man. In the movie, he’s just a standard action movie protag who has lots of sex just because.

The scene when the Orion woman says she loves him and he replied “that’s so weird” is just...so weird? Like I can’t imagine Kirk doing anything in that situation than backing off and explaining that he doesn’t feel the same way. The scene continues with him hiding under the bed when Uhura walks in. Watching how the camera angle makes Jim out to be a voyeur made me uncomfortable then and it still does. It could be explained that Jim is trying to figure out Uhura’s identity or that he’s listening in and people look at who they’re listening to but like...she was in her underwear. You shouldn’t look at people while they’re getting undressed, especially when they don’t even know you’re there? Is that a hot take? Apparently.

In TOS there’s this really nice scene in This Side of Paradise(S1E24) where the whole crew is high (again) and has abandoned ship, leaving Kirk to tend to things. We see Jim move around the ship with a little clip pad and make the proper checks. This is a captain who knows his stuff. That is the Kirk we should have seen if we’re going to see Jim become captain.

AOS kirk goes through a standard “stop being an asshole” arc commonplace for male protagonists, but this happens well past the point he should stop being an asshole. Either the AOS series should’ve been a prequel with Jim becoming captain at the end of the trilogy, or he should’ve been older with a completely different arc- maybe coming to terms with his rank? Imposter syndrome? Learning to trust his crew and building trust with them? Building a friendship with Spock and McCoy? There’s a lot to work with here.

3. Spock and Uhura’s relationship

Why. Like why. For what. Por Que.

I like giving Uhura a bigger role, I don’t like making her a love interest to do that.

It doesn’t make sense for either of their characters. Lieutenant Nyota Uhura, linguist expert who handles all transmissions to and from the enterprise- an icon of black women’s representation is now demoted to Spock’s nagging girlfriend. This bothers me more than a little bit.

It manages to make even less sense for Spock. A hallmark of Spock’s character is his duality. He struggles to combat his emotions and the human half of him. His repeating character arc in TOS is coming to terms with humanity while upholding the Vulcan way of life. Having him in an established romantic relationship before this arc is supposed to happen just makes for a boring romantic subplot about a relationship that shouldn’t happen and that I don’t care about.

TOS Vulcan culture is kinda shitty. Explicitly patriarchal and stuff, and also kinda racist against humans. The source of Spock’s inner conflict is not himself but a society that views him as lesser for being half human. However, one thing that I can certainly understand from a “logical” (logic in quotations bc racism and sexism is fucking stupid) people is ritualized arranged marriages. It just...makes sense to me that Vulcans would simply have their mates chosen for them and then marry that person and be done with it. Neat. Logical. Conformity.

This makes Spock and Uhura’s relationship even stranger. Why would Spock go so against conformity that he dates someone before he truly comes to terms with himself? Even if they throw out ponfarr and arranged marriage, it still doesn’t work but now it especially doesn’t work.

My personal theory is that Spock and Uhura’s relationship was established purely to make shippers shut up. It’s no secret Spirk is the most popular ship from TOS. I have no doubt they knew this while writing the movie. So to quietly wrap a no homo on Spock and Kirk’s friendship, they use Uhura as a prop to do so.

The teacher/student dynamic should only be relegated to fan fiction and the throwaway line about oral sensitivity makes me cringe. Every. Time.

4. McCoy

Karl Urbans performance is easily my favorite part of this movie. He captures DeForrest Kelley so well it hurts. He made Leonard Nimoy cry. His chemistry with Pine made McKirk go from the most underrated triumvirate ship in TOS to rival Spirks popularity in AOS. His scenes with Zachary Quinto are just *chefs kiss*.

So why doesn’t he have more of a role? The triumvirate is missing a third.

In particular, there’s a scene where Uhura, Kirk, and Spock make their way down to a planet to talk to a Klingon. I can’t remember which movie it was or why, but Spock and Uhura were bickering and Kirk remarks “can we do this later?”

The line was funny. It would’ve been golden if it was McCoy and not Uhura.

A fantastic performance by an underutilized character in a movie where that character should’ve been at the forefront.

5. Representation

I am skeptical of any movie that advertises diversity. Nonetheless, it made me happy to know Sulu was going to be gay. This is Star Trek after all, known for its diversity and large LGBT fan base, and an homage to George Takai who’s a gay man irl. So whatever.

The fact that I wasn’t expecting much says a lot about the current state of LGBT rep in media but this blink-and-you-miss-it shit is really starting to get to me.

I mean he jus- he doesn’t even give his husband a KISS. Like why.

6. Destroying Vulcan

WHY. Oh god why.

This isn’t Star Wars, JJ. We don’t do that here.

Imploding Vulcan was the most god awful shock value bullshit plot device I’ve ever seen in a movie and it was done entirely to make Spock sad. Besides the gaping plot hole of “why did Nero go back in time to destroy Vulcan when he could’ve just saved Romulus” I’m just grasping to find a purpose for this particular event. New fans don’t care at all about Vulcan while I was enraged that they would do Amanda that dirty.

It’s not just that they did that, it’s more that they did it like that. Vulcan’s destruction should’ve caused a federation wide meltdown as the biggest catastrophe in the entire franchise. If they were gonna make the stakes so pointlessly high, they should’ve treated the destruction of Vulcan exactly how they would treat the destruction of earth. There a million ways to treat that event with more gravity and million better plot lines that don’t involve G E N O C I D E

7. Miscellaneous petty bullshit because I’m a baby

-lower the fucking stakes Jesus Christ

-Don’t like the set. It’s bright and white and boring and gives me a headache. You don’t need a remake of the old set but like have fun ya know? Shit looks like an Apple store.

-Christine and I are the same in that we are both soft and are thirsty for Spock. Imagine my surprise to learn she wasn’t fucking there. Same with Janice but I’m more pressed about Christine. I don’t even remember the name of that blonde doctor lady who is Not Christine but i didn’t want her.

-The costumes in AOS look boring but still don’t feel like a uniform either. I deadass think Chris Pines outfit in the SNL skit looked better than the actual movie (minor adjustments needed)

-I didn’t notice this at first but someone pointed out that women’s uniforms don’t signify rank and now I can’t not see it. I don’t...think this movie treats women good? Or McCoy? Or just people who deserve better?

-Lens Flare

-I get why they did it but I don’t like that they misquoted the opening theme to say “no one” instead of “no man”. I probably wouldn’t have even notice except they gave the line to Uhura. Comes off as just a touch too “yay feminism” which is really rich coming from that treated Uhura like an object to be looked at when she wasn’t too busy being Spock’s emotional support gf, and completely cut two women from the main cast.

8. Conclusions

If I could describe these movies in one word it’d be generic. Which sucks because Star Trek far from generic.

They’re fun to watch but not think about. It was nice that I got to see a Star Trek movie in theaters. I just wish it as the same Trek I saw on TV.

#star trek the original series #star trek tos #star trek aos #star trek alternate original series #jj abrams #jim kirk #captain kirk #dr mccoy #bones mccoy #spock #mr spock #lt uhura #nyota uhura #hikaru sulu #star trek #star trek headcanon #trekkie #trekker #star trekkin

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letterboxd · 3 years

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How I Letterboxd #12: Joe Lynch.

Self-described cinedork and Mayhem filmmaker Joe Lynch tells Horrorville’s Brett Petersel about cinematic sausage, getting to direct Creepshow episodes and being a three-star starter on Letterboxd.

“Even when I watch what I would think is a real stinker, I also consider that there were many people involved in that film who didn’t walk on set going ‘okay people, let’s screw this up today!’” —Joe Lynch

It is always a pleasure to find film directors lurking on Letterboxd. Joe Lynch is a bona fide, OG member, having racked up more than 1,500 diary entries, giving half-star reviews to his own work, and creating lists of the movies that have influenced the making of his films.

There are the films that were in Lynch’s subconscious when he made Mayhem, a workplace splatter led by Steven Yeun and Samara Weaving. There are the movies he watched while researching the Salma Hayek-starring Everly. And this just in: films that influenced The Right Snuff, one of Lynch’s two episodes for the new Creepshow series—based on the 1982 horror-comedy classic and its sequels—which premieres on Shudder April 15.

Like so many of us, Lynch took time during the pandemic to catch up on films he had neglected to watch in spite of a previous career as a video-store clerk (a Criterion Channel subscription helped him get on top of the backlog). In this edition of ‘How I Letterboxd’, Lynch discusses how those classics have informed his craft, who his Letterboxd faves are, and why the horror genre is the future of the industry.

Steven Yeun and Samara Weaving in Joe Lynch’s ‘Mayhem’ (2017).

How long have you been on Letterboxd? Joe Lynch: I remember when Letterboxd was in its beta phase way back in good ol’ 2012 and I couldn’t wait to sign up, breathlessly waiting for an invite to the party. At the time, I had a digital database where I would log movies I’ve seen, but it was always subject to whatever laptop or device I had handy and would just be a mess of titles with no rhyme or reason.

When a member follows you, what should they expect? I put it right up top in my description: “I am not a critic”, just a lover of cinema. At first I didn’t want to write “reviews” in the description, especially since I first started using the service whilst in the throes of a horrible experience making a film that I thought would bury me and I’d never work again. I was like, and I still feel this way, “who am I to rip on a movie when someone can throw it right back at me? Like ‘dude, you directed Knights of Badassdom, sit down’.”

I’ve always had the highest regard for filmmakers who can get anything made. So even when I watch what I would think is a real stinker, I also consider that there were many people involved in that film who didn’t walk on set going “okay people, let’s screw this up today!” but instead were trying their best and circumstances just got in the way, which always happens. Having made a few films and TV now, I’m fully aware of the trials and tribulations that go into making a movie and have all the respect in the world for anyone who can steer that ship to completion. It’s hard making movies and even harder making one that is your original vision [and] that is widely embraced by an audience.

I have very weird tastes so don’t be shocked if you glance at my recent activity and you see Casablanca, The Silence of the Lambs or Bigger Than Life right next to The Legend of Billie Jean, Con Air or Candyman 3. I’m usually bouncing all over the place in terms of what kinds of movies I’m screening. From films recommended to me, to films that I may be watching for research, or even just how I’m feeling that day and maybe need a good laugh or a good cry or to be scared stiff. I like that kind of variety. There’s something out there for everyone and every emotion. If anything, I’d say expect the unexpected when it comes to my viewing habits.

What’s your favorite feature to use and why? One of the residual effects of working at video stores as a kid was my desire to siphon people’s tastes in movies and possibly recommend films to others as well, so my favorite feature is the ease of use in logging films and being able to quickly recall those films as well in the event someone asks me “what’s something I should watch?”. Getting older, the “employee’s picks” in my head is getting a little harder to cross-reference than usual so to have the ability to whip out my phone and say “oh man, I just watched Possession and it was awesome!” is exponentially helpful to a cinedork like myself.

‘Big Trouble in Little China’ (1986)—a five-star film says Joe Lynch.

How do you rate the films you watch? For example, what type of film is worthy of a five-star review? Funny, I always start out on three-stars mainly because I’m so proud of the filmmakers actually getting it completed! I’ve been there! I’m somewhat biased in my reflections because I’m always rooting for the artists and from there, it’s usually gauged on both an emotional level and a technical level. I always get made fun of while watching movies because I can point out hidden cuts or when a shot is reversed but [I’m] not trying to point out flaws, it's just how my brain is wired at this point. When you pull the curtain back enough to see how the cinematic sausage is made, it's harder and harder to objectively watch a movie without trying to dissect how it was done. I try so hard to shut that part of my brain off to just passively enjoy a movie but it’s tough. I usually skew towards the positive.

The films I’ve given five-stars are movies that have continually affected me over the years and have inspired me as a person and a filmmaker, which is everything from The Empire Strikes Back, Dawn of the Dead and When Harry Met Sally... to Big Trouble in Little China, The Blob, The Last of the Mohicans. I looked back at my five-stars and it’s mostly movies that made a significant impression on me from an early age and continue to do so, maybe even more so as I get older and I view these movies in a different light.

The anthology show Creepshow returns to Shudder this month. Tell us about the two episodes you directed for the series, ‘Pipe Screams’ and ‘The Right Snuff’. Both Creepshow and Creepshow 2 were important films in my youth and even today, they were some of the first movies I remember where I wasn’t quite sure if I was supposed to be scared or laugh. These films proclaimed we could do both! As a disciple of George A. Romero, Stephen King and Tom Savini, Creepshow really shaped how I watched movies and how I made them—consider the anthology I did a few years back, Chillerama, as a prime example. So when Shudder announced the show, I had to do everything on my part to convince them I could take the baton from these masters of the macabre and do them and the many fans proud.

To come to the table and say “I want ‘The Right Snuff’ to feel like 2001: A Space Odyssey crashed into The Andromeda Strain, and ‘Pipe Screams’ is my homage to The Blob and Delicatessen”—and then everyone just immediately getting it—was a dream. Between the casts I was lucky enough to work with and the amazing crew, especially the FX geniuses at KNB, it really was one of those dream jobs I’ll never forget. I hope audiences dig the madness we conjured up on those!

Season 2 of the Shudder series ‘Creepshow’ returns to the horror streamer this month. A third season has been ordered.

If you were to expand the Mayhem universe, what would it look like? We tried! I pitched the producers the idea of the ID-7 virus in other locations and situations because in essence the idea of being uninhibited by mental and emotional constraints is so ripe. My favorite was the idea that it would get loose in a Wal-Mart or a mall on Black Friday when consumers swarm to these department stores for the best deals. You’ve seen the videos, it’s just mass hysteria. The footage already out there would have been perfect to use already and those people aren’t even infected!

Sadly it didn’t come to pass, mainly because they asked “how do we get Steven and Samara back?” and I didn’t want to force those characters into that scenario, Die Hard 2 style. Plus they’re both huge stars now and likely unavailable for the next twelve years. But the ideas people have thrown out to me show that it was impactful enough to warrant variant scenarios in a “what if?” way that’s really exciting. Who knows, maybe the ID-7 virus could find its way onto the set of a movie production…

What excites you about the future of filmmaking, especially in horror films? The world is embracing new faces and voices more than ever and it means we’re getting stories that may not have ever had the chance to flourish and be seen and heard before. For the longest time the system was much more rigid because executives and producers thought that the audience was much less accepting of a wider world view in cinema and I think the last ten years has proven them wrong. There shouldn’t be any more “token” character or “strong [insert non-white-male] character” descriptions in development meetings. I hear it less and less, which is great because that’s not our world and since cinema—especially horror—is and always should be a reflection of our culture and times, it should reflect these evolutions as well.

When I made Wrong Turn 2: Dead End, the discussions over how one of the characters—a Black character played by Texas Battle—survived at the end was not in the original script but I pushed for it mainly because it was rare for the Black character to do so in a horror film. That shouldn’t be an anomaly! Why can’t there be a ‘final guy’ or have the survivors be LGBT+ or a POC and not the usual stereotypes?

I think now it’s more commonplace to see this and it excites me for the future of the genre that artists are being more welcome to express themselves without it feeling like it’s a gimmick or a twist on the norm.

I think generations of kids growing up with horror now are gonna see these strides in the storytelling—and who’s telling the stories—and push it even further. Places like Netflix and Shudder are willing to take chances with new voices more than the studio system, now more than ever, and that’s only going to produce some great stories now and in the future.

Erica Leehrsen and Texas Battle in a scene from ‘Wrong Turn 2: Dead End’ (2007).

How has the pandemic affected your creativity and influenced your work moving forward? Aside from losing a bunch of gigs due to the shutdown and being delayed on shooting Creepshow—which was a blessing in disguise considering the time we took to further develop the scripts and design of each episode—one of the main effects of the pandemic was how it gave many of us the time to catch up on a lot of films, mainly older ones. As you’d see from my diary entries on this very site, my viewing habits changed from a lot of modern films in that rat-race of catching up with the latest release, to mainly watching films I loved in the past and a lot of ’40s to ’70s films that I never got around to.

We have the tendency as film lovers to keep a mental list of films we’ll eventually get around to as if we have all the time in the world, but with the threat of the apocalypse and no real new content coming our way at the usual rapid clip, it was so gratifying to buy an annual subscription to Criterion Channel and start watching films like The Old Dark House, The Crimson Kimono, Contempt and many others.

All of these films impacted how I view film now and have bled into future projects I’m working on—especially on the technical side, when the world wasn’t influenced vicariously through MTV coverage and letting scenes play out in masters or longer takes, relishing in the performance or the mise-en-scéne. So, silver linings!

Before we go, who are some of your favorite follows on Letterboxd? I’m a big fan of Sean Baker, who I’ve known for almost 20 years now! We worked together in NYC and I was already a big Greg the Bunny fan but our mutual appreciation for fringe and exploitation films, especially international horror and genre films, seems to have bonded us for life. I love when he posts what he’s watching. Even if he’s just saying he screened something on Blu or streaming, his thoughts on cinema are always enjoyable and engaging.

In the same breath, filmmaker Jim Cummings has the best perspective on modern filmmaking and he’s clearly a big fan of using Letterboxd, so whenever I see peers like them using the app it makes me feel less like an obsessive movie dork myself, who should be getting back to work.

Some of the other follows I really enjoy are cineastes like Elric Kane and Brian Saur, who are the hosts of the New Beverly podcast Pure Cinema. Writers Anya Stanley, David Chen, Walter Chaw and Lindsay Blair Goeldner, musician and filmmaker Brendon Small, writer and critic Brian Tallerico, author Glenn Kenny, filmmaker Rodman Flender—just to name a few people who clearly love film and love sharing their thoughts on films in a very thoughtful way.

More times than not, I’m getting some great advice for what to watch next in my “new from friends” section! Because, like being at the video store, it’s casual conversations like the ones on Letterboxd that I love and always steering me to new films or revisiting old ones with a new perspective.