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#I could have done better I feel with this chapter but I'm also pretty happy with it!!
twobluejeans · 8 months
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HEARTBREAK ON TOUR!
charles leclerc x famous!reader
summary: in which the lavender haze has been lifted. or in which america’s it couple splits.
part 6: reckless, part 5: relevancy, part 4: emo ponytail girl, part 3: dupeee, part 2:wtf does ET know?, part 1: don’t start
faceclaim: madison beer
ally’s radio 📻: PART 6! #juticefory/n . shoutout to the anon who inspired this chapter, u helped sm and gave me further ideas💌. a lot of tswift references 🫶
INSTAGRAM, july 14
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liked by dannylandopnj, alltoowellcharles, and 321,543 others
f1updates carlos recently in an interview in which y/n and charles got brought up
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sainzpodium this is why carlos is the better ferrari driver
lewishsystem “loyal and trust are crucial in any relationship” wym by that 🤨
hereforicciardo the way carlos didn’t even interact with charles today in the paddock before and after the race
lewisfever lewisystem “it’s hard to ignore certain actions and how they reflect on a person’s character” the way he’s confirming the rumors bro 😭
russeliclassy lewisfever what rumors?
lewisfever russeliclassy charles cheated
INSTAGRAM, july 14
liked by naileadevora, lewishamilton, and 4,567,245 others
yourinstagram surprise. i know u guys are already getting 2 new songs from me with the new midnight deluxe edition on the 17th, but i still have a lot to say. meet me at midnight on chapter 1 for a story that turned out to be pretty…reckless.
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billieeilish already crying
dojacatstreetsera the devil works hard, but y/n l/n world harder
landonorris song’s mid (i’ve listened to it 3 times so far and have sobbed uncontrollably🥲)
yourinstagram landonorris weak (i broke down mid-recording session)
barbiey/n no i cant i’m not ready
INSTAGRAM, july 14
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INSTAGRAM, july 15 (midnight)
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liked by zendaya, authurleclerc, and 6,543,127 others
yourinstagram thank you dearly to everyone who helped bring this video and this wild idea of mine to life... petracollins i truly could never have done this without you & to the rest of the amazing crew who worked 3 very long days & then a very long week... thank you, from the bottom of my heart. i also want to thank lando, who photographed these amazing photos awhile back when we were in manchester. landonorris i love u. reckless, both single & mv, out now everywhere 🤍 🏹
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beyonce So beautiful ❤️
aliensuperstary/n beyoncé ADAM SANDLER?? WHAT R U DOING HERE😭
tchalamet proud of you ma chérie
yourinstagram tchalamet hi thank you i love u i miss u
onlychalamet tchalamet yourinstagram i love their friendship sm
salmahayek nunca dejas de sorprenderme. Estoy tan orgullosa de ti y tan feliz y emocionada de verte prevalecer a través de todo🫶🫶🩷🩷
see translation? salmahayek: You never cease to amaze me. I am so proud of you and so happy and excited to see you prevail through it all.
yourinstagram salmahayek muchas gracias tus palabras siempre significan el mundo para mí. te amo y te extraño mucho. ¡No puedo esperar a verte a ti y a Valentina pronto!
see translation? yourinstagram: thank u so much. your words always mean the world to me. i love you and miss you dearly. cant wait to see you and valentina soon!
90sbabyy/n salmahayek yourinstagram why am i just finding out salma is y/n’s godmother? hello what
bellahadid i love. so happy to see u turned ur pain n hurt into something so beautiful ... only heard some of it and already know it's so special. ok. enough of that. i feel like i've typed more than i needed to. love u! proud of u!
yourinstagram bellahadid u bitch why would u type this? now i'm crying in the middle of a re-run of narcos
danielricciardo yourinstagram you said u we’re gonna wait till i got to italy to watch it with me…
yourinstagram danielriccicardo ….oops?
landonorris danielricciardo you see me personally, i wouldn’t let that slide 🤷
danielricciardo yourinstagram #fake #donthmu #streaks #realonesknow
classynorris y/n and lando teaching daniel gen z slang gotta be the funniest thing ever
landonorris classynorris i actually regret it so bad
yourinstagram classynorris biggest mistake ever. he won’t stop saying bombastic side eye. free us
danielricciardo landonorris yourinstagram L + ratio + bozo
TWITTER, july 15
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INSTAGRAM STORIES , july 15
yourinstagram 7h
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viewed by authurleclerc, charlottesiine, and 4,854,257 others
ally’s radio 📻: yeah 😌. people in the instagram story views + the song itself might be a little sneak peak of the next chapter.
taglist 🦢🪩: @incoherenciass@dakotali@405rry@topaz125@sassyheroneckgiant@hevburn@itsmytimetoodream@ivegotparticulartaste@crowdedimagines @asterianax @haydee5010@scenesofobx@christinabae@magical-spit@dessxoxsworld@myareadsbooks@honethatty12@hopefulinlove@diasnohibng@gentlemonsterjennie1@hummusxx@eugene-emt-roe@taestrwbrry @perjarma @cxcewg@chimchimjiminie16@glow-ish@allywthsr @millyswife @mrsmaybank13 @black-swan-blog27 @stargaryenx @lilsiz @ohthemisssery @leclerclvr @slytherinjimin3nthusiast @shessthunderstoms @cool-ultra-nerd @ncentic @playboykenz @canvashearts @tinyhrry @xeliaaaa @ifionlywould
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lukesaprince · 9 months
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Rich H.S Part 10
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Summary: Neighbour/Older!Harry. Where y/n and Harry have their last night together.
Warning: smut!!! penetration, anal, shibari, dirty talk, spanking, whipping, being tied up, overstimulation, mention of safeword, daddy kink, dirty talk, spitting.
This is an age-gap romance, do not read if you don’t like it.
Word count: 23k+
Author’s note: I have once again had to split up my chapters due to word count because I got carried away... anyway. Most of this is smut, a little is Harry being annoying and lying (what's new).
This is a visual for the shibari used! If I have gotten anything wrong in terms of shibari techniques or anything else, PLEASE let me know. I did a lot of research, but I'm still an amateur so if I've misconstructed anything I'd love to be educated to better my writing. Happy Reading!
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- Find my General Masterlist here -
You had been anxiously sitting around waiting for Harry for what felt like forever.
After the phone call with Harry and the new steps you had to take to prepare for tonight, the rest of your plans didn’t change a lot. You lounged around for a couple hours then took Archie for a walk and managed to walk all the way to Clancy’s to get a sorbet before walking back home and demolishing it on the way.
With all the walking you had done today you were absolutely famished, but Harry recommended to not eat a lot until dinner, so you settled on a light smoothie before you decided it was time to start prepping.
You were fucking terrified to be honest, and it kinda felt like the first time you ever put a tampon in. Not the physical sensation, because it was a completely different hole and it was nothing like using a tampon, but the mental experience. You didn’t know what it was meant to feel like or if you were doing it correctly.
Not having Harry there to guide you kinda sucked because you were used to having him always there when you were trying new things. But you also would’ve been mortified to have him be near you while you were spraying water in your ass and pushing it all out into the toilet over and over again.
It wasn’t a glamorous feeling or experience at all and you weren’t even sure if you’d ever want to do it again. You could admit though that you felt very cleansed afterwards, but it was an odd sensation to be walking around Harry’s house just feeling so empty.
He was adamant on you doing everything in his house and you weren’t particularly sure why. He wanted you to shower there and doing everything you needed to do before you left to go do your makeup and hair. Because of that you were suffering terribly all through doing your makeup.
The plug you put in was probably half the size as you had used before with Harry, but it was still enough to fill you up and stretch you in a way that made you horny beyond relief. If it weren’t for the loud music you had on and the one drink you had just to take the edge off, you would’ve been panting and writhing for hours.
Which is exactly what you were doing now.
Harry told you that he’d be home around 6:30pm so you’d both be ready for a 7:30pm dinner reservation. You made sure you were ready a bit earlier than that so you could relax a bit and wait for him to get home, but all that did was make you nervous and incredibly horny.
The house was quiet and not even mindless scrolling through tiktok could help distract you from the fullness between your thighs and how wet it had made you. The pretty lingerie set underneath was barely containing your arousal. Your nipples were hard as anything and pushing through the material of your bra to your dress and your underwear was already soaked with how wet you were.
The more you shifted your thighs the more your clit just ached, so you had to will yourself to spread your thighs apart and focus on your phone instead of the problem between your legs.
You weren’t even sure if your outfit was appropriate for tonight. When you texted Harry later on in the day and asked what you should wear, all you got back was ‘something nice’. He was the driest fucking texter in the world and it was almost painful to get a response out of him, but you just couldn’t be bothered calling. After a bit more pushing, he confirmed that dinner tonight was nicer than your lunch yesterday, which gave you some idea on what to wear.
You settled on a black linen midi dress and a pair of chunky heels to dress it up a bit more. If Harry didn’t like it, he could tell you to change, and you would without any issues. But there weren’t a lot of nicer dresses or outfits in your cupboard that didn’t look like a clubbing outfit, business attire or was simply just too casual for tonight.
Archie’s sudden barking alerted you to Harry’s presence. For the first time in a long time, you took your time in greeting him at his front door. It would be the last time you ever greeted him before your weekly dinner, and you were trying to savour the entire experience as you walked down the hall from his lounge room to go open the door.
You were also incredibly nervous to see him properly after your little outburst last night and the phone conversation you had today.
Harry’s voice was heard before you even saw him due to him entering before you even got there, having his usual ‘hi buddy, how are you? Did you have a good day?’ chat he had with Archie every day. He started to question if you were even there, even asked Archie too until he heard your footsteps coming closer then you emerge from the hallway, looking utterly gorgeous.
Just seeing you sent a rush of exhilaration through Harry’s body, and his attention quickly switched from Archie to you. His eyes widened slightly, and he looked you up and down to take in every single detail of your outfit, hair and makeup.
Your sweet perfume filled the room, and he had a craving of having it all over his body. He wanted you all over his body. Your scent… your soft skin… your delicate touch then your rougher one when your manicured nails dug into his skin… your arousal, slick and sweet and tangy all over his mouth and cock. He wanted it all.
He wanted you.
“Wow, love. You look absolutely breathtaking” he breathed, walking towards you to meet you halfway.
His brief case was dropped near the front door like usual, as was his suit jacket from being too warm after wearing it all day. You blushed and had to tip your head up a little to keep eye contact with him, your hands landing on his upper arms when his grabbed onto your waist and pulled you closer.
“Thank you.” you looked down at your outfit then back at him, “Is this okay for tonight? I can change if it isn’t”
“No.” he shook his head firmly, squeezing your waist.
The dress fit you like a glove and showed off your figure perfectly. He had a good handle on his self-control but the way your cleavage was perfectly supported and shown just enough to tease him and have his mind racing made him struggle not to just rip it off you already.
Harry knew what was underneath, and what was underneath that and deep inside you. He had been thinking about it since that phone call you two had and he was barely able to get any work done all fucking day.
“it’s perfect. You’re perfect”
You bit your lip and tried to control the heat rising up your neck. Your fingers dug into his arms a little and as you went to reply he quickly spoke again. “Don’t do that…” his hand cupped your jaw, and his thumb tugged your lip free from your teeth, dipping into your mouth so his fingertip got wet. Your body was frozen in place, already flustered like he hadn’t done that same move a hundred times already. “Drives me fucking crazy when you do that and we have a reservation we can’t be late for” he smirked and looked between your eyes, his eyes dipping to your mouth momentarily.
The way he was staring at you had your entire body coming alive with need. You were already so so needy just thinking about tonight and from the jewelled butt plug but being in Harry’s presence was making it 10 times worse.
“I’m just going to shower and quickly get changed, alright darling? Sit your pretty self in the living room and I’ll come get you. Okay?” he said softly, dragging his thumb down your lip before bringing it to his mouth and sucking it clean. Your eyes drew to his mouth as you nodded and replied a soft ‘okay’.
If you didn’t stop looking at his mouth he was going to ravish you. He hadn’t kissed you yet nor did he plan on doing so. Tonight, was all about the tease, delayed gratification if you will.
He left to go shower and change while you headed back to the living room and distracted yourself on your phone again. Archie had followed Harry upstairs since he missed him which left you alone with your thoughts.
The brain-numbing entertainment on your phone seemed to lull your brain trying to scream at you to realise the significance that tonight was, but you just didn’t want to think about it.
You wanted to live in a pretend dream world just for tonight otherwise you’d get upset and that was the last thing you wanted. You didn’t want Harry comforting you tonight, you just wanted to enjoy your physical connection with him and explore the many things you hadn’t yet.
This dinner was important and bittersweet, but if you thought about it too much, you’d start to pick it apart and focus on the things that made you upset about it.
“Alright, love. You have everything?” Harry asked, walking into the room. The sound of his voice made your head tip up from your phone and when your eyes landed on him your entire body tensed.
Oh my fucking god.
Green. All you saw was green, and it wasn’t envy. No, it was a gorgeous deep emerald green suit; a pair of slim fitting pants and jacket to match with little white embroidery details at the cuffs and chest. He paired it with a satin light silvery green button up that was tucked in and only had the bottom two buttons done up.
You couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think or articulate any words. His entire fucking chest was on display. Those yummy chest hairs littered across made you ravenous, and all you could think about was that cross necklace and those little dainty pearls of his dangling in your face as he fucked you. His hair was a little messy, less pulled back and slick than how he wore it to work and it just made him look so incredibly boyish and young.
God, he just looked gorgeous.
You didn’t even hear his question, and he was too busy running those damn ringed fingers through his hair to notice right away until your obvious silence registered to him. “Y/n?” he questioned, a smirk growing on his lips as he took in your expression.
“I’m sorry… what did you say?” you tried to shake out of your lust daze and stood up, grabbing your little shoulder bag and phone.
“I said, do you have everything. Are you ready to go?” he repeated slowly, making sure you understood every word. He watched as you walked up to him, unapologetically checking him out even though you weren’t trying to make it obvious.
“Yeah… I’m.. I’m ready to go” you smiled, trying not to pass out when you got a whiff of his freshly applied aftershave as you approached him. He smelt fresh and clean, and the heavy scent of his aftershave was quite literally making your mouth salivate.
“A little distracted, are you? You know I don’t like when your attention isn’t focused on me” he cocked his head and grabbed onto your waist, pulling you flush against him then tipping your head up to look at him.
“My attention is focused on you, I promise” you replied sheepishly, blushing and just wanting to run your hands all over him. The urge to press your palms flat against his exposed chest was almost too compelling to fight.
“Just not on my words, though? Feels rather objectifying having you stare at me like I’m a piece of meat” he joked, cockiness oozing with every word. He stared at you like that all the time. ‘Objectifying’ wasn’t even in the realm of words that he’d use to describe how he felt when you did it back.
“We both know objectified isn’t how you feel, Harry” you snorted, tentatively grabbing onto his collar to feel the silky material of his shirt. When Harry joked around with you it made it easy for you to do it back. If he had said some out-of-pocket sexual phrase you only would’ve gotten flustered and unable to throw anything back. God, you wished you had a bit of wine for courage. “You look really good” you mumbled, looking up from where your attention was focused on your hands playing with his shirt. “I think this might be my new favourite suit of yours”
“I love when you compliment me, it’s a real boost to my ego” he smirked, sliding his arm around your waist and turning so you two could start walking to the front door.
“I don’t think it needs any more boosting” you rolled your eyes, wincing when he pinched your hip.
“Don’t be cheeky. Having an ego is healthy. It’s important to have self-love” he admitted it proudly and you couldn’t help but laugh.
“Self-love, right” you snorted, opening the front door as he grabbed his car keys.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he acted mildly offended, but he knew you were just joking. He closed the door behind you two and made sure to walk ahead so he could make it to his car before you.
“Self-love is being comfortable in yourself and loving who you are, not thinking the sun shines out of your ass” you snorted. He stopped suddenly and spanked you right on your ass, making you help and press your hands to the sore spot. The pressure of his spank jolted against your butt plug and made you squirm at the pleasure that shot through your body. “Harry!”
“That was for not being very nice to me, even after I gave you all those gifts” he tutted, opening your car door for you. Your mouth gaped as you stepped into the gap between the open door and his car.
“I was joking!” you exclaimed, the glare on his face turned into a grin as he grabbed your face gently and ducked to whisper in your ear.
“I know… you just have a very spankable ass” he leaned back and pressed a chaste kiss on your cheek before letting go. “Now get in, baby”
You glared at him just for principle then got in the car, watching him wink at you as he shut the door and walked to the other side. Ever since you brought up his dad jog, he refused to do it, which was disappointing. Now you wished you had never said anything because it was a very adorable trait of his.
The car drive was a good 30 minutes and the two of you spent that time talking about your days or humming to whatever song played from Harry’s playlist. It was a very relaxing drive for Harry at least. For you, you were struggling to concentrate on anything he was saying.
Your plug was pressed right into you from sitting down, and the heat from his hand on your thigh through your dress was just riling you up in all sorts of ways. Watching Harry drive was an erotic experience, especially when his pants hugged his thighs just right and his shirt was barely even buttoned up and you could see his full chest and nipples.
You wanted to just bend over his lap and take his cock in your mouth like you had done on the night of his birthday party.
Harry parked the car in a familiar underground carpark right near the Yarra River in the heart of Melbourne City. He hadn’t told you where he was taking you just yet, but the entire riverbank was full of good restaurants or bars one after the other, so the options were endless. You knew wherever you were be going would have great food, even though you were much hungrier for something else.
“So… you have a favourite suit of mine? Which one is it?”
He had been thinking about your comment since you said it, and he was keenly interested in the answer so he could wear it over the next couple days for you. He hated repeating outfits during a week, so he hoped he hadn’t already worn already. Although, remembering back to your responses to his different suits, he had a rough idea of which one it was and he hadn’t worn it yet.
“I’m not exposing my secrets Harry” you replied teasingly, loving the way his hand felt on your hip.
He had been touching you somewhere the entire walk from his car to the restaurant. A hand on your hip or lower back, or his knuckles grazing against yours. There were couples walking everywhere, hand in hand or arms wrapped around each other.
He could’ve easily touched you how he really wanted to - your smaller hand intertwined with his - without anyone thinking anything weird about you two as a couple. But he had to be careful who was around to see how you two were interacting, especially since this area of the city was frequented by a lot of upper-class men and women.
Since it was Valentine’s Day, every couple on your street had organised a babysitter and was out for dinner, so he was hoping that no one would be here so you two could enjoy your dinner without any problems.
“Come onnnn, you’ve brought it up now. You have to tell me” he pressed, looking down at you and being unable to help himself from smiling just at the cute one on your face.
“Nope!”
“Come on, you know I’m gonna treat you so nice tonight. Gonna let you have whatever you want so the least you can do is entertain me a little” his voice dropped lower, and he pressed you closer to your side so no one else could hear.
You could practically feel the double meaning in his words, and it sent a shiver up your spine. Harry always made sure you were satisfied in bed, but now he had made it clear that you’d be getting whatever you wanted and the thought of that was driving you crazy.
The plug in your ass suddenly didn’t feel big enough, and you were clenching like if you didn’t have his cock in your ass soon, you’d die.
“If you can guess I’ll confirm or deny” you compromised.
“Hmph, fine” he sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes, making you laugh a little and nudge his side. He listed off a couple suits and to each one you replied an enthusiastic ‘nope’ which resulted in him glaring a little and thinking of another. This happened until you made it to the restaurant, a very luxurious looking vegan restaurant and bar.
You hadn’t been here before, but you had heard about it and always wanted to try it. You were quite hungry after not eating a lot today either, so you were excited to try whatever Harry had already picked out for you two. You weren’t certain for sure that he had prepicked food for you but knowing his history you assumed that he had.
Your little guessing game was interrupted by the hostess asking for your reservation name then promptly leading you to a table right near the large glass windows overlooking the Yarra River. It was covered in a thick white tablecloth and had a little candle and a vase with a single red rose in it, assumingly for Valentine’s Day.
It was a gorgeous view, one that was accompanied by a gorgeous man. You would’ve loved to take a picture of Harry with the river and skyline in the background, but you never would’ve asked. It was an urge you kept inside.
“This is amazing Harry, have you ever been here before?” you asked, looking around the restaurant and observing every detail.
The tables were decorated very traditional and romantic, however the actual restaurant was dark and modern. The bar in the front of the restaurant was made of navy glass and fully stocked to the brim with every drink you could imagine, and the floors were a navy polished concrete to match. It was a simple design, with the view of the Yarra River being its focal point. Everything had optimum views to the river, however the row of tables you were sat on definitely had the best.
Everyone surrounding you were couples. Different types of people and types of relationships, all in different stages of their meal or drinks. Most were laughing or sharing romantic glances to each other, some were holding hands over the table or leaning in to talk like they were sharing a secret. You could tell who came from wealth and who just decided to spoil themselves for Valentine’s Day based on subtle details, but everyone was dressed impeccably.
There was love oozing from every corner of the restaurant. In comparison, you and Harry just felt so cold… so disconnected. You weren’t in love, and you weren’t a couple and even though you had that lusty gaze and could share a laugh, it felt obvious that that’s all there was. At least to you anyway.
This was another one of the reasons you didn’t want to be sharing Valentine’s Day with Harry. Because you wished it was real and instead you were sat here confronted with the reality that everything you were feeling was just a dream. A silly little dream for a silly little naive 20-year-old.
“I haven’t actually. But I’ve been wanting to for a while” he replied, looking down at the menu even though he had already looked at it in detail when he booked the restaurant. “The cocktails look nice, love. Would you like one?” he looked back up at you, waiting a reply.
Yes. If you didn’t get at least a little liquid courage into you, you wouldn’t survive the night.
“That sounds great” you smiled, looking at your menu and deciding on one that seemed the strongest while simultaneously tasting like alcohol the least. You’d only have one because you wanted to be sober when you got home, something Harry has made clear time and time again that was important to him.
“So, I’ve already picked a few dishes we could share that I thought you might like. Nothing too heavy but enough to get a good taste of the restaurant. What do you think?” he asked, even though he wasn’t really asking if you were happy with him choosing. He knew you were, and you were happy not to have to read through and try and pick between everything on the menu.
“I’m happy with that. You chose well yesterday so I’m sure today will be the same” you closed the menu and propped your chin on your hand, having a look out the window to watch the people walk by on the footpath on the storey below. “It really is so pretty”
“I know. ‘s exactly why I picked it. I thought you might like it here” he admired your side profile and followed a line down your neck to where the neckline of your dress had lowered, showing a sliver of your lingerie underneath. He swallowed thickly and forced himself to look away, not wanting to get too excited before you had even eaten.
The waitress came back at this point and Harry was thankful to have the distraction. You just looked so… good. You smelt pretty and your skin looked soft, and you did your makeup in a way that complimented your skin and eye colour beautifully. His mind flashed to what it would look like all smudged and ruined, your false eyelashes cried off and found somewhere tangled in his sheets.
He ordered the food, a range of different types of dishes that all sounded delicious then ordered a glass of wine for himself and your cocktail, after asking you which one you wanted. You thanked the waitress then looked around the restaurant again, finding yourself focusing on this gay couple a couple tables over. They had an obvious age gap, much like you and Harry but had their hands intertwined on the table and were playing footsies under the table as they laughed about something.
Your heart started beating so damn fast, almost painfully fast as you swallowed a lump in your throat and forced yourself to look away and out the window again. You just wanted that.
“So… is it the Yves St. Laurent suit? The all black one?”
Your head snapped to him instantly at his guess, making a cheeky smile erupt on his face. “I knew it! That actually was my first guess, but I wanted to egg you on a little” he seemed very proud of himself and tapped a little drum pattern with two fingers on the table in triumph.
“I didn’t even confirm or deny!” you protested, taking a sip of water from the drinking glass Harry had poured for you at some point since you got here.
“Your reaction was enough” he laughed, “So tell me, what about it do you like?”
What about it do you like? The real question was what didn’t you like?
“Everything” you admitted, running your finger around the rim of your glass.
“Everything, huh?” his brow quirked, and he scanned you up and down. “Wanna be specific?”
You shrugged, “I feel like it sums up your style. It’s simple and classic, but incredibly well-worn and stylish. You also look really good in all black…” you blushed, squirming under his heated gaze.
His eyes searched your own and he let out a little chuckle, running his hand through his hair. “I wore that one the day we first slept together … guess you really liked it because you practically destroyed my neck that night”
“Harry!” you gasped, looking away around the restaurant to see if anyone had heard.
Your cheeks flushed with nervousness at the memory of you assaulting his neck as he carried you upstairs. To be fair though, making those little hickeys and seeing them on his neck would’ve had to be one of the hottest things you had ever seen. But you didn’t necessarily want him to bring it up in a restaurant full of people.
“Hey, don’t do that” he tutted, grabbing your chin, and turning it so you were forced to look at him. “Don’t be so shy, darling. I liked it and I know you liked it too, there’s no shame in that” he looked down at your lips, brushing his thumb against your lower lip. The touch relaxed you, as did the soft gaze in his eyes.
“Will you let me do it again then?” you asked softly, reaching up to cup the side of his neck and brush your thumb against his skin. He swallowed thickly and you could feel the way his adams apple moved under your thumb.
“I did say you can have whatever you want tonight, darling. You want to mark me up? You can do it anywhere you like” he smirked, eyes darkening at the feeling of your hand against his neck. It was a soft touch, yet it was your soft touch and he was revelling in it.
“I’ll remember that” you whispered, looking down at your thumb grazing his adams apple. He smiled softly and grabbed onto the back of your hand, turning his head to press a kiss to your palm. He did it casually before placing your hand down on the table, playing with your fingers while he started telling you some story.
There was always a story with Harry, or rather from Harry. He always seemed to know some new event that had happened around the world or be reading a new book or something just so interesting it made your life seem boring in comparison. All there was for you to talk about was your move back to university, which neither of you seemed to want to talk about.
Your drinks came and the food soon after, and after a very enthusiastic ‘yum!’ after each dish that you tried, the two of you fell in a comfortable silence as you ate. You found yourself looking around the restaurant again, commenting on little random things you saw that looked interesting, but mostly you were just focused on all the happy couples having dinner around you.
Harry could see it and he had been noticing it ever since you sat down at the table. You were looking at all the different couples, the Valentine’s decorations, the way people were intimately interacting with their partners. You were eyeing it all and you just had this real sadness in your eyes that you were trying to cover up with your comments and responses to things Harry had said.
He thought back to last night, where you seemed just so panicked and upset, like tonight meant a great deal to you. It was clear it did mean a lot to you, otherwise you wouldn’t have stormed all the way to his house to ask him about it. Then you played it off and blamed your cycle for making you so emotional, but Harry didn’t believe that lie for a second.
It had been eating at him all day, why today meant something to you and why you were so upset. He hated it. That look in your eyes killed him and made his body physically ache. He just wanted to get rid of it and make you feel better and he did a little bit, but he needed to know the real reason before he could plan who to hurt or what to do to fix it.
But for the first time in your relationship he just couldn’t put his finger on what it was. He had such a good read on you, yet this situation felt like a mystery to him. You were never interested in relationships or love, at least he didn’t think so. You were honest in not wanting a relationship or anything serious with him, so he just didn’t understand.
Valentine’s Day had a negative connotation for Harry too, so maybe it had nothing to do with romance at all. He still wanted the truth from you, though, but that wouldn’t happen tonight.
Harry couldn’t help but feel extreme guilt for lying to you on top of the hurt he felt for seeing you upset. He had kept a lot from you and spun lies so he wouldn’t expose parts of him he feared you thought were broken or unlikeable. When he told you he didn’t know it was Valentine’s Day today, it was another lie to protect himself. But it didn’t really help the situation.
Sure, it seemed to calm you down and lessen whatever turmoil was going on in your head, but it didn’t get rid of the hurt feelings you were keeping inside. You left his house still distraught, still so upset about today when you should’ve been excited. Seeing you leave like that was like looking in a mirror to Harry, because he too felt those similar feelings whenever February 14 came around.
He didn’t want you to feel like that. Harry had been dealing with those feelings for years and knew how to handle them and ignore them, but you… you were so young and had so much time ahead of you. He didn’t know the reasoning, nor could he guess which was like a slap in his face because he always knew or had an inkling on things like this, but he knew that you should be happy on Valentine’s Day, not upset.
He wanted you to have good memories today, not bad. Harry wished he could erase whatever bad experience you had that made today so awful.
Maybe that’s why he felt so guilty, because his own reasoning for choosing today may have resonated with you and helped you with your own feelings yet he decided to keep it from you.
Despite all the trust Harry had in you, more than most people in his life, he couldn’t give it all to you just yet. He also couldn’t admit he lied to you again, because he knew how upset you were after the birthday situation, and he didn’t want a round two of that.
But he felt like he owed you something.
“You know… I’ve been thinking about last night” Harry said suddenly. You looked up at him with a mouth full of food and nodded, only humming in response.
“Hmm?”
“When you asked me about Valentine’s Day”
Your eyes widened and you quickly swallowed your mouthful, suddenly very alert to everything he was about to say. “Oh… okay”
“I didn’t know that today was Valentine’s Day when I originally picked it for dinner” another lie, fuck. Once you start, they just begin to unravel, and you’d need more lies to cover up your previous ones. But Harry didn’t want to ruin tonight, he just wanted to make you feel better and explain himself without digging a huge fucking hole that he couldn’t get out of. “But even if I did, I’m not sure I would’ve changed it to another day”
His response made your heart beat in your ears. You could barely hear anything with how fast your mind was racing, but you tried to not let that show to Harry. He was never vulnerable with you, and he rarely shared anything too emotional, so the fact that he was opening up without any push or prompting from you was just so surprising you didn’t know how to react.
You were also confused by what he said, because last night he told you that Valentine’s Day means little to him, and it was clear now that that was a lie.
“W-why?”
“Y/N… I’ve had a lot of negative experiences on Valentine’s Day and it isn’t a happy day for me, it never has been. But you…” he averted eye contact, looking down at his wine glass before looking back up at you “you do make me happy. I enjoy spending time with you, and I knew that when you told me last night about what today is, that I’d finally have a Valentine’s Day with a happy memory. If I was given the opportunity to change our dinner to another day and have to spend today alone, I just wouldn’t do it. I’m sorry this has hurt you in some way and I still want to make it up to you, but selfishly I’m glad this is how things have happened”
Now that… that was the truth.
He knew that he shouldn’t have organised it that way, that it went against every ounce of his body screaming at him to take a step back from you and do anything to get rid of this connection to you. Having dinner on the most romantic night on the year wasn’t the way to go about that, but he just couldn’t help himself.
It was a date he knew all too well. He had gone through many Valentine’s Days with partners and solo, and every single one made him unhappy in some way. When he was with Mel, he never felt that love he thought he should’ve at that point in his relationship. With previous relationships Valentine’s Day was always a day his partner would ask what the next step in their relationship was, something Harry himself had never thought about because he simply wasn’t interested in progressing things.
The ones he spent by himself just reminded him about the loneliness he felt when he sat down and thought about his love life more closely than usual.
Harry was quite fulfilled in all aspects of his life, including his relationship status. He had experienced love before when he was quite young but when he started dating and nothing provided him with that spark or love, it just felt pointless. And he had other priorities that made him happier than chasing something so inconvenient.
But there were moments that even emotionless pricks like him experienced where they wondered what a happy, stable relationship full of love would be like. They questioned why they didn’t have that, or what they were potentially missing out on because they didn’t have it. For Harry those moments came rarely because he was too busy going after his real interests, but they still came up sometimes.
He found himself having those moments around you.
So this Valentine’s Day he just couldn’t bring himself to spend another one alone with his thoughts.
Usually, he’d fill his night with the club so at the very least he got to drain his balls and fuck his frustration out, but it was clear and had been clear for weeks that he had no interest in it.
At least with you he knew he’d have a good day. It wasn’t necessarily about the romance for him, although the day had turned into something quite romantic for you two, it was more of a selfish attempt at self-preservation. He was filling a hole that seemed to rupture every year with the one person he knew could fill it.
You.
Part of you liked that he felt happy around you, and if you focused on that it was almost sweet how he knew he’d have a good time with you. He didn’t know it was Valentine’s Day before he booked it, so it felt nice for him to view it as a happy surprise rather than a shit one like you were.
You didn’t know a lot about his relationship history, just that he had a few serious relationships before he moved to Australia. But it was clear that his view on love had been skewed in some way. For him to turn that around and say that you made him happy on a day that otherwise was bad for him felt… special. You just couldn’t help but feel all warm inside at the idea that Harry found some sort of comfort in you.
It just sucked that you were looking at this situation in reverse. You were trying not to, and up to now you were genuinely enjoying your dinner. But with everything around you just reminding you of the love you were lacking, and the shitty reality of your situation, that same enjoyment was slowly depleting.
While Harry viewed this as a happy accident, you viewed it as your first Valentine’s Day being spent with a man who had zero romantic connection with you but enjoyed sleeping with you and spending time with you. How that worked, you had no idea, but it was getting old.
There was a reason you had been ignoring it all day, because once you started thinking about it, it didn’t leave your brain. So, you just pushed it away for the moment and focused on the part of his explanation you could respond to without exploding.
You’d circle back to his explanation, and you were sure that once you thought about it more you’d find something that angered you beyond relief because everything Harry seemed to do nowadays did that in some way. But for now, you just wanted to focus on this moment and this night, not your future or what has happened previously.
It was a stupid attempt at self preservation, but you had plenty of time to cry and be angry and not a whole lot of time to enjoy Harry and the positives of your relationship.
“Wow that’s…” you swallowed the lump forming in your throat “thank you for sharing, Harry. I really enjoy spending time with you too and I’m glad we were able to have dinner tonight” you smiled softly, pressing your hand to the back of his and clenching hard on the inside to try and not expose everything inside you.
“I am… I definitely am. Thank you for always being so wonderful” he smiled back, cupping your cheek with his hand. He was happy that you seemed satisfied with his explanation, because that was all he was willing to share. That thumping guilt appeared back in his chest, tightening and forming a lump in his throat but he covered it all up with a charming smile.
“Now, this food isn’t going to eat itself, is it?”
You both demolished the food, well, mostly Harry. You were very aware of what would make you bloat or affect your stomach or anything that might make tonight end badly. Harry chose mostly clean and healthy dishes that should react well to your stomach, but you were still being careful just in case.
You had been thinking about his cock all damn day. Between ignoring your problems and spending as much time with Archie as possible, his cock just kept popping up in your mind. It was the same cock that would be deep in your ass tonight and you just couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Skipping dessert sounded like the best option to be honest. When it was just you two chatting about nothing heavy or emotionally draining, Harry’s appearance was heavily distracting you and you were finding it hard to keep your eyes off his chest.
You were ready to make some lame ‘it’s getting late’ or ‘I hope Archie isn’t feeling lonely’ excuse to get you two back to Harry’s house before he decided to ask you another question you just didn’t want to answer.
“So… how are you feeling about moving back to university?”
It was a topic you both been ignoring the entire night. You really had been avoiding it since that day in the pool where Harry first found out the exact timeline for you to return to your own little apartment and life.
After having such a nice dinner, you didn’t really want to explain how depressing the thought of going home was. You had been pushing the reality of your situation far into the back of your mind because frankly, you didn’t want to leave.
You didn’t want to leave your room, your neighbourhood, your parents, Archie… Harry. The thought of leaving Harry was physically painful and that wasn’t something you wanted to explain or expand on when there was so much more to come tonight that you wanted to enjoy.
Bringing up your reality was like a pin bursting your little Harry bubble, and you just didn’t want that yet.
It didn’t help that the little jewel plug you had in your ass was making you drip. Your once cute floral underwear was completely saturated, and it had been uncomfortably pressed against you for the last hour. It reminded you of the first night you two slept together, where Harry dragged out dessert and conversation like he hadn’t insinuated that he was going to fuck you.
So, you decided to be brave. The strong cocktail probably had something to do with your want to take a bit of control. But you hadn’t been brave for weeks and this was your last chance to just take what you wanted. Harry himself told you that you could have whatever you wanted from him tonight, so you were going to go after it.
Talking about university was the last thing you wanted when all it did was make you upset and angry. No more talking. Now you just wanted to skip dessert and go home.
“I’m going to miss everyone and I can’t say that I’m looking forward to it… but I don’t really want to talk about it…” you trailed off, looking him right in the eye while your foot started softly trailing up his calf. “If that’s okay with you?…”
His brow rose and a smirk grew on his lips as he challenged your eye contact, intensifying his gaze like he always did to try and intimidate you. And fuck was it working.
Harry was surprised, but it was a pleasant one. Honestly, he didn’t want to talk about it either, but he felt like one of you had to bring it up. It was like the elephant in the fucking room, sitting right on the table between you two and crushing your bodies with its weight. It was uncomfortable to have such a heavy reality check looming over you, so he was glad that you seemed to be able to ignore it.
Harry could ignore it too, just like he had been trying to ignore a lot of things the past few weeks. He had made good progress in his therapy sessions in terms of acknowledging and processing his feelings, yet since you’ve come into his life, he’s taken a million steps back. Your presence seemed to push on the part of his brain that he actively avoided.
“But you want to do something else, huh?” he teased, taking a casual sip of his wine to try and ignore the throbbing of his cock as your heeled toes made it to his inner thigh.
“I do… I want to skip dessert and go home” your voice was shaky, and you were trying not to crumble under his eye contact. You were determined to hold it, but your body was practically trembling with need and the natural want to just submit to him.
“And what would we do there?” his hand suddenly grabbed your ankle, stopping it from moving further before bringing it on top of his lap so he suddenly had control of it. He kept a firm grip on it with one hand while the other started sliding up to your thigh. The feeling had you panting and gripping the sides of your chair to try and stay composed.
“Harry” you stuttered out, your voice a borderline whimper at the feeling of his ringed hand going further and further up your leg. You were glad the tablecloth was long enough to cover your extended leg, because your dress had ridden up and if anyone looked hard enough they’d see Harry’s fingers crawling underneath.
“Yes? You know how to use your words, don’t you love? Or have you forgotten how to ask for things nicely?” he cocked his head and bent forward so he could graze his fingers along the hem of your underwear, right near your hips so he was nowhere near the place you wanted him the most. The touch still sent you going crazy.
It had only been five days since you last had his cock inside you, yet it felt like it had been weeks. You were desperate, especially since you knew what a big night you had ahead of you.
“I need you to fuck me. Please” your voice was clearer now, with more power this time.
Harry audibly groaned the faintest sound at your words and had to stop himself from taking you right then and there on the table. The restaurant full of people could watch and enjoy for all he cared, as long as his cock ended up deep inside your ass and pussy. Because tonight, he was having both.
“We’re going” he suddenly said, dropping your leg gently then standing up abruptly.
He had already mentally calculated how much dinner was and dropped a few hundred-dollar notes on the table without care of the change. Tips weren’t customary in Australia, but Harry didn’t give a fuck about his change when he had you sitting there like a horny little fox begging him to fuck you.
He grabbed your purse from where it was hanging on your chair and held his hand out for you to take it. Your hand slid in his perfectly then you were standing, and Harry was walking you out of the restaurant with purpose. His hand never left yours until you exited the restaurant, and it changed positions to your waist.
Neither of you could speak. Harry feared if he even said one more thing to you that he’d be unable to control himself and fuck you against a wall and that just wasn’t acceptable. He had to be patient… careful and slow because tonight was all about giving you all the pain and pleasure you could imagine, and that took time.
The drive home was thick with tension. You could barely breathe being in Harry’s presence and you just needed to just rip all your clothes off from how hot with lust you had grown. His sensual aftershave had filled the entire car and it felt like you were completely surrounded by him.
Like all the other car rides you shared together, his hand was on your thigh while the other had a relaxed grip on the steering wheel. Watching Harry drive was one of the most erotic things you had ever seen, and he wasn’t even doing anything on purpose. The entire drive you were just staring at him, unable to help yourself.
If Harry returned that look and saw those horny little doe eyes of yours, he either would’ve crashed the car or pulled over to fuck you. He still had time to calm himself down though and keeping focused on the road did just that.
The moment the car stopped in Harry’s driveway and his gate fully closed he was out of the car without sparing you a single look and stalking to your side. He opened your door and helped you out before tugging you along with him to his front door.
Archie was barking obnoxiously from the inside of the door, and if you weren’t so worked up you would’ve let out an ‘awe’ or made a comment at how cute he was. But you were worked up. So worked up it felt like you’d die if you didn’t get Harry’s body on yours within the next minute.
The house was dimly lit with the entrance lamp on and the main lights in the living area switched on and illuminating some of the hallway. It was all so Archie wasn’t completely in the dark, and you knew if you walked through the house a bit more there’d be some sort of light on in every open room.
“Hey buddy, have you been a good boy?” Harry greeted, letting go of your hand to crouch down and greet his child who was whimpering like crazy and jumping all over Harry. It was an adorable sight to see, but you just couldn’t concentrate on anything else except how good Harry’s back muscles looked through his green suit jacket.
You used the time that Harry greeted Archie to close the front door and undo the buckles of your heels, freeing your feet so you were comfortable and pushing them together near his door. The sound of your heels against his floor made Harry’s eyes meet yours from where he was crouched down, his fingers scratching the backs of Archie’s ears.
From this angle you could see all the way down his silk shirt and the slight glistening at his chest from sweating. You never did quite understand how he wore such thick or unbreathable fabrics during Summer and still smelt like an angel, but you sure were glad that was the case because this outfit of his had quickly knocked his iconic Yves St. Laurent suit from the top of your list.
The green just looked glorious on his tanned skin. It brought out the green from his eyes and the white in his teeth. The contrast between the dark ink of his chest tattoos and the light sage of his shirt was killing you. You just wanted to rip it open and lick the sweat off every inch of his chest. You were tempted to just ask if you could.
“Stay downstairs Archie” his demand was soft and husky, his eyes scanning down your body before coming back up again to meet your eyes. A soft smirk grew on his lips; an expression that never failed to make you completely freeze up.
You couldn’t think or move so you just stood there like an idiot while Archie gave you a kiss on your calf then turned around and trotted off to his bed in the living room. Harry stood right after and stepped towards you, his height making your head tilt back just to keep your eyes on his face.
Now that you two were truly alone, there was nothing stopping you from completely destroying each other.
“I’ve been waiting for this all fucking night” he murmured. Before you had a chance to even reply, his hand darted out to wrap around your neck and his lips were landing on yours.
Your bag dropped to the floor without care as your hands grabbed onto the lapels of his jacket, angling your body up on your tippy toes to lessen the distance that Harry had to bend to reach your mouth. You weren’t even a super short individual; he was just that tall.
His other hand came down to grab onto your waist, pulling you in while he pressed his body out so you were flush together. It was a kiss you were so familiar with yet felt like it was happening for the first time. His lips melted into yours with such passion and lust you could’ve cried; your noses bumped together as he ran his tongue against the seam of your mouth to try and get inside.
Kissing with tongue was never your favourite thing in the world, yet with Harry you wanted his tongue and saliva in your mouth like a permanent fixture.
You let him slip his tongue in without any resistance, whimpering against it at his taste and the sensation of your tongues moving together as one. It only lasted a moment before he was pulling away enough to nibble on your bottom lip, tugging it out until you whimpered again before he sucked on it then went back to kissing you like he was before.
The kiss was absolutely dizzying, and you refused to break off until you were dying for air and needed to ask for the thing you had been craving all night.
“Please spit in my mouth” you gasped, panting against Harry’s mouth as he started walking you two backwards so you were pressed to the front door.
“Barely even started and you’re already making demands, little girl?… Guess I did tell you you’d get whatever you wanted tonight, didn’t I?” he smirked, chest heaving while he licked the saliva from your kiss off his bottom lip. His hand slid higher from your neck to your jaw, his thumb coming to press on your bottom lip.
“You did. Please Harry… want it so bad” you nodded eagerly, opening your mouth and sticking your tongue out without him even asking.
God… seeing you open your mouth without being instructed to sent Harry’s brain into overdrive.
In the short time you two had been sleeping together, you already gained so many new habits during sex. You naturally angled your neck when you had an idea that Harry would be reaching for it, and now here you were opening your mouth and begging for him to spit in it.
“I love when you’re a good girl f’me. Makes me so happy” he murmured, his words making your heart break erratically; both at being called a ‘good girl’ and knowing that you made him happy.
His moment of praise didn’t last long before he was collecting his saliva in his mouth and spitting it right on your tongue. You moaned out loud at the feeling and let your eyes flutter closed as you did what you knew he liked and kept your tongue sticking out so he could watch his saliva slide down to the back of your throat.
Instead of giving you further instructions on when to swallow he pressed his mouth to yours again, his tongue sliding against yours and rubbing his saliva all over it. His cock was hardening in his pants, and you could feel it press against your stomach, reminding you that at some point tonight it would be deep inside your ass.
Without breaking the kiss, Harry’s hands moved down your body and he crouched to give you some indication that he was going to pick you up. “Jump”
He picked you up with ease and blindly turned around to walk up the stairs, loving the feeling of your breasts pressed tight to his chest as you clung to him. The kiss only broke when he had to watch his footing on the steps, and while your faces were parted you took advantage and kissed along his jaw.
It all felt very reminiscent to the first time you slept together, except this time there was so much history between you two, mentally and physically and you had better knowledge of each other’s bodies. Harry liked a bit of pain, so you went straight for the base of his neck and nipped there, sucking down on the same spot right after.
“Fuck… cheeky little thing you are” Harry cursed, spanking your ass then digging the pads of his fingertips there. You bit harder against his skin in reaction, your fingers threading into the soft hair at the nape of his neck.
When you got to his bedroom he put you on the floor gently, closing the door behind him. His lips met yours again, this time softer… deeper. He guided you to the bed then spun you around so he could sit down on the edge. He pulled you with him so you were straddling his lap, his hands grabbing onto your ass to press you down onto his hard cock.
You gasped at how hard he was already, feeling a bit chuffed that he was already rock hard and all you had done was kiss him and bite him a little. “You’re so hard” you whimpered into his mouth, starting to grind your hips gently along his length, trying to get as much pressure onto your clit as possible.
“Ah. Didn’t say you could do that” he tutted, spanking you before lifting your hips off his lap, so you were propped onto your knees. It was at this moment that you realised he had cleared the bed of his array of toys from this morning, and that the same items were now arranged on the end of his bed on the ottoman.
“Didn’t you say I’d get whatever I wanted tonight?” you breathed, fingers tugging on his hair ever so gently as you panted to try and collect your breath. He smirked while his fingers went to the zipper at the back of your dress, tugging it down.
“You’ll get my cock when I say you can, darling. I will give you a choice though…” he slid your dress down your arms, so it fell around your waist, his breath hitching and eyes darkening at the sight of your pretty breasts in that see through material. He saw you wear the same thing yesterday and yet it felt like it was the first time. “Gorgeous” he mumbled to yourself.
You blushed, goosebumps growing on your skin where he ran his fingers lightly along your arm down to your wrists, grabbing them and pushing them together. “Would you like to try a bit of shibari? Was thinking your arms behind your back like this…” you allowed yourself to become pliant in his hands, keeping your eyes trained on his face as he gently pushed your arms behind your back, “wrists together like this…” he held your wrists together at the base of your spine, your chest jutting out.
He let go of your wrists quickly after, but you kept them in position as he made eye contact with you “The rope will wrap around your wrists then up here…” he touched some spots on your upper arms, trailing his fingers upwards. The soft touch had you trembling above him, the delicate tone of his voice making your brain go all fuzzy “…then up around your shoulders and through your armpits…” his fingers followed the verbal directions, until his flat palms were sliding along your waist to your back. “…your arms will be trapped behind your back, nowhere to go and completely at my control… how do you feel about that sweetheart?”
Harry looked right up at you and grabbed your wrists again, bringing them gently to the front of your body and playing with your fingers. His gaze was soft, yet still dominating. He was giving you a choice, yet you knew that once you made your choice you were completely under his control.
“I wanna try it” you nodded, voice soft. He smiled gently and caressed your face, bringing you down to kiss you gently.
“I’m glad, baby… but I need you to tell me though if it gets too much, okay? I will check in on you but if at any point it gets too much, or you need a break you tell me. I want you to enjoy it and if you’re not you need to communicate. Understand?” his tone was unwavering but full of care and you quickly nodded, feeling completely safe in his presence.
Even if he didn’t utter the words and explain that you could communicate whatever you needed to him, you knew that you could. Even when he was punishing you (which had only happened once) or fucking you so hard you were a blubbering mess, he always made sure you felt safe and were okay.
Though, you liked when it hurt and sometimes you even loved when it felt too much. Hearing him tell you that ‘you could take it’ or praise you for going beyond what you expected made you feel like you were on cloud 9. All you wanted was for him to be pleased with you, especially tonight when this was your last opportunity to give and receive pleasure from Harry.
“I understand”
He smiled gently again and kissed you, cradling your hands in his face. “Up you get then, darling. On your knees in the middle of the bed”
You nodded and kissed him again before crawling off him and standing, letting your dress fall to the floor. The two of you watched each other intently, his eyes roaming your body as he kicked his shoes off and removed his jacket. You stepped out of your dress at the same time and picked it up, passing to him when he extended his hand to grab it.
His teeth captured his bottom lip while you got back onto the bed, settling onto your knees and watching him nervously. He worked silently as he folded your dress neatly and placed it on his armchair, along with his jacket which he slung over the arm. He didn’t bother putting his shoes away but moved them out of the way near the chair as well.
He then turned back around to face you, his eyes darkening at the sight of you knelt there like an angel. You were truly gorgeous. The lingerie set fit you perfectly, but he knew that underneath was even more perfect. The knowledge that you were hiding that tiffany plug between your cheeks had been killing him all day and he was looking forward to seeing it in person in you for the first time.
It set him back a pretty penny and he was sure you hadn’t quite registered just how much it cost him. He didn’t have to pay for a single item in that entire store due to his part ownership of Pleasing, but that tiffany diamond was the one item he did in fact have to purchase. It was one of a kind after all, but he had no issue purchasing it out of pocket. He could’ve bought himself another car and yet it felt completely justifiable to buy you something instead.
“You look like an absolute angel sitting there…” he rasped, approaching the foot of the bed and running his fingers along one of the lengths of pink rope. There were multiple bundles on the ottoman, all cut to different sizes. You weren’t really sure how he got the lengths right, but you could hardly care when he was staring you down and saying things like that.
“Thank you” you whispered, your eyes drawing to his tanned chest when he bent slightly to pick up one of the bundles. Just the sight of the ridges of his abs and the dangling of his cross necklace had your thighs tensing together, causing pressure to press against your plug and making a little gasp escape you.
His eyes flicked back to you then down to your thighs, noticing how tense they were. “Haven’t even touched you yet and you’re already worked up, hmm?” he smirked, walking around and standing at the edge of the bed. “C’mere, face away from me”
You nodded and followed his instruction, kneeling right in front of him on the bed and facing away. Not seeing him sent a rush of nerves through your body, but he was close enough for you to feel his body heat radiate against you.
“Answer the question, darling” he murmured, running his fingers lightly up the sides of your arms. Your eyes closed at the sensation, and you leaned into his touch, your head tipping back gently onto his chest.
“I’ve had this plug in me all day Harry… I need more” you admitted, shivering when he grabbed onto your wrists gently and pinned them behind your back again, forcing you to part from him.
The thought of you being squirmy all day had Harry reeling, and his cock was starting to get uncomfortable in the confides of his pants. But he had to exercise patience as well, because he knew the reward was filling up both of your holes.
“You’ll get more soon, darling. Just need to be patient and I’ll give you whatever you want” he smiled even though you couldn’t see them before ducking in to whisper against your ear. “Keep your hands here” he pressed a kiss to your jaw then straightened back up again.
“Now. I’ll walk you through it, okay?”
You nodded. “Okay”
You couldn’t see anything because Harry was behind you, so you let your eyes close so you could just feel what he was doing and be guided by his voice instead.
“Gonna start here at your wrists, love” he gently ran his hands around your wrists and over the back of your hands before you felt the first touch of the soft velvety rope. You didn’t get a change to feel it at the store yesterday, and after being shocked by the gift of the pink plug today, having a feel wasn’t really on your mind. “You ready?”
You nodded with a lulled “Yes” already getting caught up in the entire experience.
He pressed a kiss to the middle of your back then began wrapping the rope around your left wrist. “I’m starting with a column tie.” His voice was soft and soothing, and his touch gentle even as he tightened the rope and began wrapping it around your right wrist to secure them together. He finished the knot off quickly before speaking again. It was impressively quick to be honest, and you could tell he had a lot of experience in what he was doing.
That both comforted you and irked you. That ugly green jealousy feeling swirled in your stomach at the thought of him doing this to someone else. It was a thought you pushed out of your mind as soon as possible, not wanting the moment to be ruined by imagining him doing this exact tie and having this exact moment with another woman.
“it’s one of the most basic ties out there and its one I can undo in a second” he pulled at something you couldn’t see, and the rope suddenly sprung free from your wrists, loosening so you could easily pull them apart if you needed. You kept your wrists together, anyway, showing Harry your trust. “See? I can undo this at any point, y/n. If you’re unsure or want to stop, I can undo this in 20 seconds. Alright, sweetheart?”
His fingers skimmed up your arms as he awaited your response, noting how relaxed you were in his touch. Good. He wanted you relaxed. He wanted you pliant and feeling safe and comfortable. The only time he wanted you tensed up tonight was in aftershock after he spanked your ass raw, which was next on his agenda after he finished tying up your arms.
“Mhmm. I’m okay, Harry. Promise” you replied, sensing his want to make you feel comfortable.
But you were comfortable. Even though not being able to see what he was doing was making you feel a bit uneasy, it wasn’t out of fear. It was more out of not knowing what was coming next or being unsure how you’d feel once the rope was fully secured around your arms and chest.
You thought you’d like it, but you weren’t completely sure. You loved being tied up last time, but it was also a frustrating experience because you couldn’t touch Harry. You loved being under his control, completely at his mercy. What you didn’t like though, was not being able to touch and feel his body. To tug on his hair or grab at his hips or dig your nails into his back.
That was what you didn’t like. But you loved the control he had. You always did.
“Just making sure, love. Want you to feel good” he kissed your shoulder this time then quickly redid the ties around your wrist. You hummed in response, shifting on your knees slightly to readjust.
“I’m going up and around your underarms now…” he explained, dividing the four strands of rope that had formed and taking two sections, threading them up over your shoulders then under your underarms to your back. Your breath hitched when his fingers grazed against your breasts, knuckles dragging purposefully against your ribs. He exhaled a chuckle at your reaction, loving how even the slightest touch made you gasp or tense up or whimper.
You could feel some sort of twisting before he pulled the right set of ropes around the back of your right arm and wrapped it around, pulling it towards your back. “Going around your arms… it’s gonna get tight now so you won’t be able to move”
“Okay…” you nodded, starting to feel the weight of the rope as he tied it to the vertical section to secure it.
“This okay? Tight enough? Too much?” he asked, tugging at the tied section of rope to test it. You tugged at it as well with your right arm and felt your heart drop at the way you couldn’t move it at all. It was securely tightened, the knot connecting it to the middle vertical sections of rope making it impossible to move. You would widen your elbow a little, but that was it.
“It’s good” you breathed. Your heart was pounding and it wasn’t even halfway done yet.
“Good girl darling, doing so well f’me” he praised, kissing in between your shoulder blades before he repeated the same steps on the other side.
This is when you really got the full effect of the rope. Your back arched as your arms tightened together even further, Harry adding a second layer of wrapped around rope right above your elbows. Once this was tied you couldn’t move at all.
There was no give, no elbow wiggle room, nothing. You were utterly trapped, your arms restricted in every direction and your wrists crossed due to his extra ties at your upper arms. It wasn’t uncomfortably tight, but the feeling of being completely at his mercy was restrictive enough.
If you lost balance on your knees there’d be nothing to catch you, and Harry could literally put you in any position and there’d be nothing you could do about it. Well… there was always your safe word and telling Harry that you needed to be untied but you didn’t want that.
You liked being controlled, and you liked the fact that Harry could do whatever he wanted. It got you off more than anything.
Despite being unable to move, the rope was a lot softer than you expected; velvety, slinky almost. Your hands had been tied up before, but it wasn’t like this. It wasn’t so intricate, and it wasn’t a process where you could feel every single twist and turn. Harry wasn’t walking you through it like he was now; he wasn’t rasping in your ear and calling you a good girl, telling you how well you were taking it and how pretty you looked all tied up.
This was a completely different experience. It was making you unbearably horny, and when the final tie was done right at the back near your shoulder blades all you could think about was him pushing your head into the duvet and fucking you senseless.
“All done honey… god you just look so pretty like this” he cooed in awe, taking the time to step back and appreciate his handywork.
You sat so perfectly still the entire time, and now looking at you from behind he was just breathless. Your back was arched, and your hands were resting right on your pretty ass. The pink rope looked glorious against your skin, and he was having a hard time containing himself when there were so many things he could do while you were tied up like this.
You couldn’t respond, not when you were already feeling so worked up.
“Turn around for me, princess”
Princess… oh that’s a new one.
And fuck… the name sent shivers through your entire body. It made your core and brain turn to goo all at the same time.
You shuffled around a bit awkwardly to face him, his pupils dilated and expression dark. The look on his face had your mouth parting, nerves flooding your body because he looked so ravenous you thought he’d just pounce. Not that you would’ve minded, but your stomach was doing flips regardless.
“Good girl” he praised, looking right at you then cupping your face with one hand. He leaned in and kissed you gently, his hand sliding down to wrap around the front of your throat. He wasn’t restricting air; it was just a classic move of his that told you that he owned you. And he did, god he did.
You kissed him back eagerly, trying to reach him but failing. He noticed your efforts and laughed into your mouth. It was mocking, and his fingers tightened on the sides of your neck as the kiss was broken due to his amusement.
“Already trying to reach me, are you pretty girl?” he smiled down at you, but you could see the mischief in his eyes. You nodded pathetically.
“Yes” you tried to reach him again, angling your head up to capture his mouth but he shook his head and pressed his thumb to your lips.
“Nuh uh. You’ll get another one if you’re good f’me during your spanking, understand?” his eyes flickered down to your lips, wanting to give in and kiss you again.
Your stomach stirred at the thought of him spanking you raw, but you pushed that side to get what you wanted. What you wanted was his gorgeous mouth on yours and is tongue down your throat.
“You said I could have whatever I wanted tonight… please… Daddy” you pronounced the word slowly, fluttering your lashes at him a little then looking down at his lips. While you were submissive, and he could get you to do quite literally anything, you also knew how to get what you wanted.
He groaned and smirked, squeezing your throat in a warning way but ultimately giving in to your little antics. “How can I say no when you ask me like that?”
He bridged the gap between you and kissed you firmly, his other hand rounding your body to grab onto your ass. He finished off the kiss by grabbing your bottom lip between his teeth and dragging it out, spanking you as he released it with a pop.
Harry was still in charge, and while he was going to give you whatever you wanted he was going to do it in his way.
“That’s all your getting pet, now turn around and stick that pretty ass of yours in the air” he spanked you again just because then let you go, heading the few short steps away to his array of toys on the ottoman at the edge of his bed.
You turned around and shakily bent at your hips, trying to press your face into the bed. Your core strength helped you part way, but it failed and made your cheek collide with the bedding a little harder than you would’ve liked. You prayed that Harry didn’t see, but the little chuckle he ket out while looking at you told you that he did.
“Don’t laugh at me” you pouted, turning your head so it was facing Harry. He was very focused on the arrangement, his eyes flickering between objects. When you followed his eyeline, your thighs tensed at the paddle with holes in it and that black leather riding crop you two specifically spoke about yesterday.
He looked gorgeous, always did. His concentration face was one of your favourite though, and he was looking between the options like it was the hardest decision he ever had to make. He was playing with his bottom lip, making his ‘H’ and ‘S’ rings sparkle in the light.
Ugh, you loved this rings. Only harry was narcissistic enough to monogram his clothes and wear his initials on his rings.
It was hot though. So hot and sexy it made you want his initials tattooed somewhere on your body.
“How can I not when you fall on your face?” He looked up at you with an amused expression, his eyes following the line of your body and stopping right at your ass stuck up in the air.
At that, he made his decision quickly.
Both. He would use both to spank you.
You made a little noise of distain, not liking the embarrassment. But the noise got caught in your throat when you watched him grab both tools. You followed him with your eyes until you couldn’t anymore, watching him round the bed again to stand behind you.
Along the way, he reached the crop out and brushed it against your skin, tracing it along your side in soft teasing motions. The motion had your toes curling, stomach dropping in suspense for what it would feel like when he actually used it.
His hand was hard and firm, and you liked the solidness of it. But this was smaller, whackier and you imagined it would sting a lot more.
Harry was obsessed with how goosebumps rose on your skin in a path following the crop, and he couldn’t help but make little swirls and random motions to keep those goosebumps going. From complaining earlier, you had suddenly turned very quiet.
“You’re gonna look so pretty with all these marks on you y/n” he praised, suddenly spanking you quickly in two spots with the crop. You whimpered at the sting, strong but almost light and bitey at the same time and followed by a dull ache. “That okay?”
You nodded against the bed, eyes closed tight. “Yes… god yes… more… please”
You liked the sting compared to a heavier hand (literally). It was sharp but concentrated in a smaller area. That made it hurt more to be honest, and with the way you were bent over everything was turned up by 100.
“More?” He chucked the heavier paddle next to you on the bed then spanked you with the crop again, watching a little red line form with delight. “Just a little pain whore, huh?”
You groaned at his degradation, becoming more and more aroused from his words alone. He spanked you on the opposite cheek with his hand this time, hearing a louder pained reaction that had his cock jerking in his pants. He hadn’t removed his rings yet, and he could already see the little ‘H.S’ marks forming on your ass.
The sight had him groaning and hitting you with his hand again, following it up quickly with the riding crop in a different spot. Your fingers dug into the palms of your hands, your mouth gaped wide against the bed as whimpers and moans fell from your lips.
“Look so pretty like this, y’know? Bent over and taking everything I give you” he murmured, caressing his hand over your soft skin. The g-string you wore barely covered your pretty pussy, and the string was so dainty he could see the round jewel end of the plug inside of your ass.
He made the chaste decision to pull the string aside and press his thumb to the gem, spanking you with the crop once again.
“Harry!” You cried, legs pressing inwards at the feeling of him stimulating the plug. Just having it in there had been driving you up the wall, now that he was playing with it you could barely contain how needy you were.
“Don’t tense your legs, relax” he hit you again, loving the sound of your pitiful cries each time he spanked you. Harry quickly pulled your underwear down and let it rest at your knees, so he had proper access to you. He started to twist the plug inside you, twirling it before pulling it back enough to reach the widest part then thrusting it back into you.
You were moaning uncontrollably, trying to push back to meet his thrusts. But every time you did, he’d spank you which made you lurch forward to try and get away. It wasn’t that you didn’t enjoy it, god you were having the best time of your life, but it still hurt.
The mix of the fullness and tight stretch of him using the plug to loosen you up and the sharp stings of the crop had you going delirious.
“Colour?” He asked suddenly, his eyes focused on the fresh marks all over your ass.
“G-green” you stuttered out, tears spilling from your eyes and onto the duvet below you.
“Good girl sweetheart, you’re taking it so well.” He praised, reaching down to kiss your reddened cheek. He switched to the paddle at this point, the flat leather paddle with holes cut out of it.
He spanked you firmly with it, and the pain was dizzying. You cried out his name and attempted to shuffle forward to get away, not because you actually wanted to, but just out of natural reaction. He quickly pulled you back by your hip and spanked you again in a different spot. It felt hot and firm and the pain crawled all the way up your back.
“Don’t do that. You can fucking take it, y/n” he spanked you again, his fingers digging into the meaty part of your hips to keep you in place. “You’ll get a reward for being a good girl, darling. Don’t you want to be a good girl f’me” another spank landed on your body, this time towards your lower cheek and upper thigh.
That pain was always the worst and it felt like your brain just went to nothing. It hurt, fuck it hurt but with every spank that plug was being moved and stimulated and you could feel yourself getting wetter with each one.
How could something that hurt so bad, and made you cry so hard make you so turned on?
“Yes, yes” you cried, your nails digging harder into the palms of your hand. He noticed it immediately and dropped the paddle to the bed.
“Don’t do that either” his voice was softer this time, and he uncurled your fingers from your palm and kissed the crescent indents from your nails. “Don’t hurt yourself, only I can. And if it’s too much you need to tell me, darling. I want you to like it. Do you want to stop?”
“I… no” you stuttered, your words getting caught in your throat. You curled your toes instead to try and make up for Harry’s hands holding your fingers away from your palm, but it didn’t soothe the ache on your ass or the floaty feeling in your brain.
He didn’t like your hesitance. There was a difference between simply feeling too good to get the words out and being unsure. You sounded unsure, and unsure wasn’t ‘green’ in his eyes. It was yellow, red even.
“We’re done” he responded firmly. Your brows furrowed in confusion.
“What?” Your words came out quietly and you felt a sinking feeling in your stomach that tonight was over, and you didn’t even know why.
Harry grabbed you gently by your waist and picked you up so you were sat back on your knees, your back pressed to his chest, his arm wrapping around you to support your upper body. You winced at the feeling of your ass pressed against your heels. He grabbed your knee furthest from him and used it to pull your body so you were facing him better, his hand cupping your jaw and his thumb pressed to your chin so he could angle your face to his.
“Look at me” he demanded gently, your eyes fluttering open softly. He searched your eyes, loving the smudged makeup around them but hating how concerned he was. You didn’t say you had enough and when he asked for your colour you said green, but maybe he pushed too far. “You hesitated, so we’re done. The colours work both ways y/n and I can see I’ve pushed you too far. So, no more”
He angled your face around, almost to inspect every inch of it. His words warmed you and just made you crave more of his validation. It always happened when you slept with Harry. Your brain would turn to mush and suddenly the only thing on your mind was him and pleasing him.
It didn’t feel like he pushed you too far, even though you were desperately horny and sore. But maybe he could see something you couldn’t, and you knew he’d always take care of you.
“Thank you” you whispered, looking down at his lips with purpose. “I feel okay Harry… I feel good”
“Okay…” He searched your eyes again, reading your body language then caught on quickly when you stared at his mouth. He slipped his hand further down to loop around your neck. “Do you want something?”
“Kiss me”
He gave into your command immediately, kissing you gently then building up as you tried to take control and deepen it. You wanted him, you wanted anything, and you would’ve done anything to get it.
“Please, please touch me” you pleaded, breaking the kiss and looking at him with desperation in your eyes. He groaned at your reply and pulled you back in for another deep kiss, sensing that you were actually okay.
“Get down like you were before” he let go of you and helped you twist back around so you were in the same position as you just were in.
When you managed to get your face pressed to the duvet like before, Harry pulled your underwear down from your knees off your feet and tucked them into his pants pockets for safe keeping. Even though he wasn’t actively thinking about the fact that this was your last time together, he was preparing himself for when he wouldn’t see you for months.
He needed something to pull him through. Using your underwear to jerk off wasn’t the best idea he ever had, nor the most dignified but he needed a pair just in case.
“Spread your legs for me. Show Daddy all your pretty holes that he gets to play with tonight” he cooed, stepping closer to you and caressing the red paddle marks over your ass and upper thighs. You shivered into the bed at the pain and pried your thighs apart, widening your knees on the bed so you were properly spread for him.
Your ass felt like it was on fire, the reddened marks from the paddle and riding crop pulsing like they had a life of their own. You had already cried into the mattress from his spanking, your makeup smudged and disgusting, and he hadn’t even touched you yet.
Despite all that, there was another pulsing between your legs, one you just couldn’t ignore any longer. With your hands and arms still tied behind your back all you could do was wiggle your ass a little to try and show Harry just how desperate you were.
Your clit was on fire, swollen and begging to be touched and you were so wet your inner thighs were covered in it. From sitting in your own arousal all day, it felt like with one little push your plug could just slide right out and make room for Harry’s cock.
Ugh… Harry’s cock. You wanted it in your mouth, your pussy, your ass… God you would’ve had him fuck your tits or even slap you with it. Just anything.
“Please… please Daddy” you whined, digging your nails into your palm again to try and put pain somewhere else in your body to relieve the one between your legs. The sting and ache from your ass was dizzying, and you just needed something to make it go away.
Harry was mesmerised by the sight of you. That overly expensive plug in your ass shimmered in the light like jewellery on your neck, drawing his eye to the place he had been thinking about all night. Then your pussy… god your pussy. It was puffy and swollen from being so aroused and was so shiny and slick he just couldn’t wait to get a taste.
“Ohh darling, got yourself so worked up didn’t you…” he quickly pried your fingers away from your palms “don’t” he then caressed your swollen labia, so gently it tickled and had you squirming against him. “Don’t. Stay still” he reprimanded again, spanking your pussy quickly and making you cry out against the bed.
Harry let out a mocking chuckle at the visible increase in arousal just at the spank against your clit. At this he pressed his thumb to your swollen bud, making you sigh out in relief just at the stimulation. It was barely anything and he didn’t move it at all, but just the pressure felt amazing.
“Just a little pain whore, aren’t you darling? Got so fucking wet from the spanking, didn’t you?”
He pressed a kiss to your ass, then another right by your pussy on your inner thigh. He audibly moaned at the scent of your arousal, so close to his nose it had his mouth watering.
Harry had been thinking of your sweet taste for days. It plagued his mind like his job did… constantly, distractingly. Although his job didn’t make his cock hard just thinking about getting your pussy on his mouth.
“Answer me.” He spanked your pussy again, a smile curling on his mouth where it rested on your ass at the cry you let out. He got sick sick satisfaction when you cried for him.
“Yes! Yes, God yes. M’ so wet, H please… please” you babbled.
Your thighs wanted to slam shut on his hand, but he quickly pried them open again. Your pussy was pulsing yet with each spank right over your clit, sparks of pleasure shot through you. Part of you even questioned whether he could make you come just from spanking your clit and nothing else.
He probably could. He could probably make you come just by staring at you. That is how attracted you were to him.
The name you used hit him like a ton of bricks and his eyebrows quirked in surprise. He used it on the note, and his friends and family called him H all the time, yet he had never heard it come out of your mouth. You must’ve been thinking about it all day, because when the two of you were playing like this you usually went straight to ‘Harry’ or ‘Daddy’ and nothing else.
He liked it though. Scratch that, he fucking loved it.
It riled him up in a way he didn’t expect, because almost immediately he was burying his face into your pussy, groaning like an animal at the first taste. You moaned desperately when his tongue met your clit after a few experimental licks through your labia, collecting as much arousal as he could on his tongue before he focused on pleasuring you.
“Taste so fucking good baby, gonna miss tasting your pretty fucking pussy” he groaned, spanking your ass then grabbing both cheeks and spreading them wider so he had better access to you.
Harry used his entire face and hands to eat you out, he always did. While his tongue licked at your clit his nose was pressed against the plug inside you, applying pressure and making you grind back into his face. He used his lips and mouth to pleasure your clit, suckling on it and wrapping his lips around it like a straw.
When his tongue was deep inside of you, slurping and thrusting so Harry could practically drink your arousal, his thumb was rubbing against your clit. He just loved your taste, wanted to be consumed by it and have it soaked in his facial hair. He wanted the scent to last days and for your flavour to stain his tongue.
If taste could be tattooed, he’d have yours on his skin forever.
It wasn’t just your flavour that made him love giving you head so much. It was your sound, the way your body reacted. You had been whining and moaning uncontrollably since his mouth met your pussy, but you’d tense up when his teeth grazed your clit, and you let out incoherent jumbles of words when he sucked particularly hard.
When his fingers dug into your cheeks, pressing right into the forming bruises on your soft skin and you cried out his name, he felt his cock jerk in response. You just sounded so fucking pretty.
He almost felt like an addict. Starved and unable to get a fix without a higher dose each time.
Harry decided to take a breather and press kisses against your ass as he slid two fingers inside of you, knowing you could take it. But it was barely 30 seconds, and he was still breathless when he dove in again and attached his mouth to your clit, needing your taste. Craving it.
“Harry… fuck. Don’t stop, please” you begged, burying your face into the duvet to try and muffle the noise coming out of your mouth.
“I won’t. fucking hell, I won’t. Being such a good girl for me, darling… taste so fucking sweet” he groaned, his moan vibrating onto your clit and making your thighs shake.
You could already feel your orgasm approaching fast and without much build up you were crying out Harry’s name and shaking against his mouth, waves and waves of pleasure rolling through you and making your toes curl. “Good girl, fuck baby. Always sound so pretty when you come” he praised, carrying you through your orgasm with his fingers while he pressed sloppy kisses along your ass and thighs.
The first orgasm was always the best, like fresh release after being blocked up for so long. But you knew that it wouldn’t be your only one for the night. Harry never gave you just one.
Harry pulled his fingers out of you, leaving you to pant against the bed as he walked around the other side of it. You felt the mattress dip in front of you but paid no attention to it until Harry helped you sit back up on your haunches like before.
Your eyes met his and found him knelt in front of you. He cupped your face and kissed you, your own arousal coating your tongue before he pulled away to dip his thumb into your mouth to open it.  “Suck.” He guided his fingers, the same two that were just inside of you to your mouth and you gladly welcomed them, sucking them and cleaning them of your arousal.
His eye contact made your entire body shiver, it always did. It was intense, his pupils so large and the greens of his eyes so dark he almost looked evil. There wasn’t an evil bone in Harry’s body, but he could be sadistic, and you knew that he also derived pleasure from spanking you and making you cry.
“Good girl baby” his voice dropped lower while his other hand came up from your waist to the side of your breasts, cupping it and rubbing your pebbled nipple through the see-through mesh of your bra. You whimpered at the feeling and arched your back into his touch, running your tongue up and down his fingers.
“You look so pretty like this… my pretty girl” he murmured, keeping eye contact with you as he pulled the cup of your bra down to expose your nipple then leaned down to capture it in his mouth. Your mouth opened and eyes fluttered shut, whimpers filling the room as he bit your nipple gently.
There it was again… my. His words of ownership always made you feel a different kind of high, like those words alone could provide all the pleasure you needed to be satisfied for the rest of your life.
All you ever wanted was to be his.
His fingers left your mouth and repeated the same action to your other breast, pulling the cup down so he could switch and suck on that one too. The bite of pain hit you right in your clit, growing your desperation for more touch… for another orgasm.
He suddenly pulled off and reached for the set of nipple clamps on the ottoman, two little black clamps connected by chain. Your eyes snapped open at the loss of touch and watched him curiously, tensing your thighs together just at the thought of him using them on you. Every little movement you made had your ass pulsing in dull pain.
“Gonna put these on, is that okay?” he asked, waiting for your enthusiastic nod before he cupped your breast and ran his thumb over your nipple, feeling how hard it was. Once you gave him the consent he was looking for, he put the clamp on without hesitation, loving the sound of your curse of pain.
“Oh… fuck” your body jerked; back arching as soft pants left you. This pain was much worse than the dull ache of your ass, but fuck did it feel good. Your thighs were shifting just at the first one, then at the second you were practically vibrating… needy, soaked, aching for him.
“Feel good, sweetheart?” he smirked, giving the chain an experimental tug. You groaned and nodded, biting your lip.
“Yes… yes… ugh please”
“I know…” he untucked his shirt from his pants, drawing your eyes to where those gorgeous hands of his were unbuttoning the last two buttons on his shirt. “It hurts doesn’t it?”
“Yes… please, need you” you breathed, your chest rising and falling harder from all the stimulation on your body. Your body was aching from every direction, and it was making your head spin.
“I’ll make the ache go away darling. Don’t you worry about that” he stood from the bed and removed his shirt, pants and socks, folding them neatly and placing them on the armchair like you weren’t looking at him with desperation.
You said nothing as he made his way back on the bed, lying down in the centre with widened legs before propping himself up on his arms. Between his intense eye contact, his gorgeous, toned body and his hard cock, you were ravenous. If your arms weren’t tied behind your back, you would’ve pounced and gotten his cock in your mouth so quickly.
But it was clear he had other plans because he hadn’t untied you yet, and he was looking at you with deep hunger in his eyes. “C’mere love, want you on my face” he did a little ‘come here’ motion with his fingers.
What?
The words almost didn’t register until you gave yourself a moment to understand what he wanted. You had watched face sitting on porn, in fact it was one of your favourite things to watch. But you had never done it before, and the thought of being sat on someone’s face was equally as terrifying as it was arousing.
“I don’t want to hurt you…” you bit your lip, feeling hesitant at his request. He sat up at your words, making you yelp in surprise when he grabbed you by the back of your knees and pulled so you were straddled over his lap.
“You won’t” he held your throat, forcing you to maintain eye contact. “Now come here and do as I say”
He laid back down and looked at you expectantly. You still moved with caution despite the warning look on his face, stumbling a little to shuffle up so your knees were on either side of his head. “Are you sure I won’t hurt you? I might squish you”
“What you don’t understand sweetheart…” his hands grabbed onto the back of your thighs, his eyes hungrily gazing at your bare pussy. “Is that I want you to squish me” he looked back up at you and kissed at your inner thigh, “I want your pussy to be the only thing I can think about” another kiss, this time closer to the part you wanted most. Your thighs shook at the feeling of his breath fanning right against you, even though his mouth had already been there no more than 5 minutes ago. “If that means fucking suffocating in your arousal I’ll do it, in fact, I want to suffocate between your thighs. Want it to kill me”
He let out a borderline a growl then widened your knees further on the bed, so your pussy was right at his lips. He swept his tongue through your folds at first, getting a fresh taste of you before he went straight to your clit.
You gasped at the first point of contact, feeling sensitive from your first orgasm and already on edge from those few spanks he gave you. Your immediate instinct was to move towards the pleasure, your hips bucking to grind down onto his mouth.
But you stopped yourself before you fully mounted yourself onto his tongue, not wanting to suffocate him or hurt him in any way. The dull pain in your nipples kept you awake in your pleasure and you were able to keep upright on your thighs despite how amazing his mouth was working on you.
Harry didn’t like this very much though.
“No. Don’t hover, sit” he reached up and tugged on the chain connecting your nipple clamps, making you cry out and drop properly onto him, the surge of pain causing your legs to basically collapse.
He groaned hungrily into you, his hands grabbing your ass and pressing you against his tongue like your full body weight wasn’t enough. When you looked down at him he was in complete bliss, eyes closed and his moans of pleasure vibrating straight onto your clit.
Now that you were properly sat on him you couldn’t help but start grinding. Your hips moved on their own, grinding back and forth along his tongue so your clit was being stimulated exactly how you wanted it to be. The pleasure was dizzying, and you were barely able to breathe due to how many things you were feeling at once.
The pleasure on your clit… the ache on your ass where Harry’s fingers were digging in, the ropes starting to dig into your arms a little too hard… the sharp sting at your nipples. All of it was just too much at once, all you could do was sit there and close your eyes, incoherent babbles and moans of pleasure falling from your mouth.
“Harry… oh fuck” you cried, head tilted back, and mouth parted wide. You wanted to tug at his hair, to feel his thighs in your hands, to just touch him in any way back, but with your hands behind your back you were limited to just feeling the pleasure instead.
Harry couldn’t speak back, but he didn’t even want to. He was so immersed in your taste and how slick you were that he didn’t want to part for a second. Your arousal had already coated his entire mouth and chin, the very tip of his nose wet as well, and he loved it.
He kept his facial hair trimmed today which he was silently thanking himself for because now your scent would linger for days.
He pressed his thumb to your clit to take a breather, stimulating while he panted into your heat and tried to collect his breath. At this moment he opened his eyes to look at you and the sight before him was utterly glorious.
Your chest was rising and falling rapidly and the look of ecstasy on your face was one he wanted to see for the rest of his life. He was going to miss this… miss you. He would miss your taste and your pretty sounds and the way your pussy took his cock so well.
Most importantly though… he’d miss your smile and your laugh, your little jokes and nervous habits. He’d miss your company and your greeting every day after work.
Instead of getting too bogged down with the severe reality check neither of you had addressed yet, he dove straight back in and stuck his tongue out far, giving you the perfect stimulation to grind and chase your own orgasm.
It came fast, but this time a with a slower build up with far more warning than the first. “’m gonna come… fuck, Daddy” you moaned, gasping for air as you looked down to see his face. He moaned into you at the name, his cock stirring and aching for attention. Soon. “Don’t stop… please, don’t stop”
He didn’t. He lapped at you and drew you through until you were shaking from overstimulation, whimpering and panting and trying to wiggle out of his grip. As soon as he could tell you had enough, he helped you move back to straddle his hips again.
“Take these off, please” you breathed, wiggling your shoulders to try and get his attention to your nipples.
“I’ve got you, I’ve always got you” He sat up and looked at you fondly then immediately released them, throwing the chain and clamps carelessly behind you. You let out a sigh of relief and tilted your head down, resting your forehead to his chest. The release was both welcoming yet provided more pain, pulsing and making you shudder.
“Did so well baby, sound so fucking pretty when you come” he angled your head up to kiss you, making you taste yourself on his tongue as he pulled the trigger strand of rope at your back.
The various knots and twists started to come undone on their own just at the simple release of the finishing knot. With a little help from Harry your arms were free and quickly coming up to cup his face, needing to feel him again with your own hands. Your arms felt sore and jelly like, stiff from being in the same position for so long but that didn’t stop you from needing to touch him.
“I didn’t like it… not being able to touch you” you frowned, kissing him gently before pressing your chest properly against his and wrapping your arms around his neck. The body contact soothed you instantly and lit up another fire inside you at the same time that reminded you of the plug deep inside your ass.
He was solid beneath you, moaning into your mouth and pulling you harder onto his cock as you started to grind down onto him. Your clit was sensitive and aching, but you were still so insatiably wet and just hungry for more. You had been thinking about anal sex non-stop for the last week and you just didn’t want to wait any longer.
“Can touch me however you like now, baby” he panted, wounding his fingers through your hair then tugging back so your neck was exposed to him. His lips met your jaw as you breathed out moans at the feeling, his mouth finding your sensitive spots and nipping and sucking there.
“Want you Daddy… want you in my ass” you whimpered, letting your eyes flutter closed as your hands glided across his shoulders and back to his upper back, just feeling his skin.
Your words made him groan against your neck, barely holding on just from feeling your wet pussy through his boxers. You were practically dripping, even after two orgasms. The front of his underwear was slick and he could feel it right on the length of his cock, like your pussy was begging for him to fuck you.
His movements stuttered, pausing for a brief moment before he kissed back up your neck and grabbed your jaw to angle your head back down to him. Your eyes opened to meet his and found heat and a dark gaze on his face. “And how do you ask? Have you forgotten your manners?”
With one hand on your jaw, the other rounded your ass and pressed on the plug. A chuckle left him at the gaped expression on your face, your thighs tensing up at the stimulation.
“Please… please fuck my ass” you gasped, squirming when he tugged at the plug.
Harry’s eye contact was something you could never get over, but it was the same for him vice versa. Your cheeks were flushed pink at your own words, which told Harry that you felt nervous asking for something like that. But your eyes… your eyes told a completely different story. They were pitiful and submissive, like a little gazelle scared of the stalking lion. But they were alive, desperate… hungry. And he knew exactly what you wanted.
“That’s better” he kissed you again, undoing the clips of your bra and helping you pull it off before chucking it across the room.
He cradled your body in his hands then flipped the two of you over so you were lying on the bed, your legs wrapped around his narrow hips and his hands coming to rest on either side of your head to support him.
“Been thinking about this for too fucking long” he groaned, kissing you firmly one last time before he was sitting back on his haunches to stare down at your naked body.
His eyes scanned your body hungrily, taking in every dip and crease and mark. You looked utterly ruined already and he hadn’t even fucked you yet and he loved it. By the time Harry was done with you, you’d be crying from pleasure, and he was utterly looking forward to it.
You reached out desperately, not wanting to break contact with him which made a smile twitch at his lips. “Just gotta wait one moment, love.” He brought your hands to his mouth and kissed your fingertips quickly before he unwrapped your legs from his hips and got off the bed. You watched him, your knees falling inwards so you didn’t feel so exposed lying there.
Even after sleeping with him so many times, you still hated lying there like a sacrificial lamb while you waited for him.
He dropped his boxers and grabbed a couple condoms from his bedside table then made his way back on the bed to kneel in front of you. You propped yourself up on your arms and continued staring, feeling unbelievably lucky that this gorgeous god of a man was the one pleasuring you tonight.
You always felt lucky when you slept together, like you couldn’t believe this entire thing was happening in the first place. And now tonight was the last time it was going to happen... The thought made those ugly feelings of heartbreak swirl in your chest, how could it not? But you were quickly distracted when Harry ran his large ring-clad hands up your calves, ending up at your knees.
The feeling of his cool rings against your heated skin made you shiver, even more due to the way his fingers danced along your skin, purposefully trying to tease and prolong his journey up.
“You always hide yourself, darling. You should be proud of your body…” he soothed, gently prying your knees apart and running his hands down your inner thighs. A shudder ran through you “This body is your home and it’s fucking gorgeous, from here-“ he pressed a kiss to your knee, “to here” he pressed his thumb right at your clit, making you writhe in sensitivity. “You get me so hard y’know, fucking sore at how gorgeous you are, why don’t you see that?”
He kissed at your knee again, keeping eye contact with you as his fingers drifted lower, pressing at your entrance teasingly before going straight for the plug.
“Harry…” you breathed, looking up at the ceiling and feeling entirely overwhelmed at his words and frustratingly wet at his touch. Your clit was sensitive, yes, but you still felt entirely unsatisfied despite the two orgasms. Empty. You felt empty and longed for him to fill you up and just fuck you silly. You knew he would…
“No. Keep your eyes on me” he firmly grabbed your chin and tilted your head back down, so you were forced to look at him, “you know I hate when you don’t look at me”
“I know… I’m sorry” you sighed, whimpering and trying not to close your eyes when he pulled the plug out of you completely. You couldn’t help but clench around nothing, the sudden emptiness making you feel frantic to fill it back up with something else.
“Don’t apologise, just listen and be a good girl. Want you to keep your eyes on me okay?”
You nodded wordlessly, mesmerised by the sight of him sheathing his cock with a condom. It shouldn’t turn you on to watch a man put on a condom. Yet it was hot watching the way Harry’s abs tensed and contracted with every movement, the vein in his neck popping like the condom was causing him pain. It was erotic. Though everything Harry did was erotic.
“Just gonna get you nice and lubed for me, love” he whispered, more to himself than you as he reached behind him and grabbed the bottle of lube and vibrator from the collection on the ottoman. He grabbed the lube first and squeezed it right over your little hole, spreading it around with two fingers and dipping them past your tight rim of muscles for good measure.
You squirmed against his touch which he chuckled at then pulled his fingers away and focused on coating his cock instead. Harry kept the lube and vibrator right beside him on the bed for easy access because he knew he’d be needing them both soon.
There was no natural lubrication when during anal, so everything had to come from a bottle. Harry wanted to make sure there was as much as possible, so you’d enjoy it and not get hurt… unintentionally. There was always room for a little pleasure-laced-pain, which there no doubt would be.
The plug was enough prep for you to take his cock, but Harry knew the stretch would still sting, just like it did when he fucked your pussy.
Harry gathered your legs in his hands, pushing them against your chest with one hand so he had easier access to your holes. With the other hand he guided the head of his cock to your ass, pressing against it but not enough to actually go inside.
“You ready? Just gotta relax…” he looked up at you, meeting your gaze and making sure your response was one with confidence instead of hesitance. You nodded quickly, eagerly.
“Yes… please”
The first push of his cock had you gasping and clutching onto him for dear life. It hurt, a lot more than you thought to be honest. With the plug in you all day, and him already playing with it tonight you thought it would be enough. But you severely underestimated what it would actually be like. He didn’t get very far, unable to even push inside at all really.
“You need to relax.” He repeated, feeling a lot of resistance from your body. He stopped completely, not even getting his head past your rim of muscles due to how tensed you had become.
“’m sorry… go… go, it’s okay” you relaxed immediately, grabbing onto his arm firmly and relaxing your body. He nodded and watched your face as he tried again, this time easily able to push his head inside due to your relaxed body.
“Ohh fuckk baby” Harry groaned, the vein in his neck popping out from how hard he was restraining himself from just diving straight into you. He couldn’t and he wouldn’t because he knew it would hurt you, but fuck. Just the feeling of your tight ass around the tip of his cock had his thighs shaking, like he had never fucked someone there before.
He had, many times. Yet every time it felt like the first time, tighter than he had ever experienced with more resistance than a pussy could ever give. It didn’t help that it was you who was under him, squirming at the pain and grabbing onto his arms so tight he thought you’d break skin with your nails. You were letting out obscene noises; throaty whimpers and gasps, and a high pitched “Oh my god”.
Now that he was properly in you, you were really feeling the pain. But it was worth it because for the first time all day you felt properly full and stuffed, something you had been craving since you prepped for anal sex in the first place.
Every noise and move you made was sending Harry into overdrive, and he was grabbing onto the back of your thighs tight to try and control himself.
“Relax y/n, gotta relax or it’ll hurt” it would sting either way, especially since you had never done anal before, but if you were so tensed then Harry wouldn’t even be able to get his cock in halfway and it would hurt beyond what you enjoyed.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… fuck” you panted, trying to make your body melt into the bed. Just the tip of his cock was already overwhelming you. The stretch was tight and painful and had knocked out all the breath from your lungs. You didn’t know if you’d even be able to handle his entire cock without crying or passing out from being so stimulated.
“it’s okay, it’s okay darling, just relax… there you go, good girl baby” he murmured, feeling your body relax in his grip.
After feeling you completely calm down, he pushed further in… slowly, gently. There was no such thing as too slow or gentle in anal, nor such a thing as too much lube. You’re dealing with a muscle that isn’t used to things going in it instead of out, so everything had to be done with extra care. And Harry wanted you to enjoy it, especially for your first time.
Incoherent babbles and noises left your mouth the further he pushed in, your lower half feeling full in a way you had never experienced before.
“Fuck… that’s it, love. Being so fucking good for me” he groaned, pushing until his cock was all the way inside you. When his balls touched your ass he stopped completely, panting above you to try and calm himself down before he completely wrecked you. It just felt so fucking good he was worried he’d come after three little thrusts.
Having his cock inside you was nothing like either plugs you two had played around with. His cock was wider, longer and filled you up in a way you couldn’t compare to anything else. The sting of pain that accompanied his length only made it a more intense experience and you knew it would only get better once he started fucking you properly.
It wasn’t pleasurable yet, but you knew it would be as soon as he fucked into the spot inside your ass that had made you come multiple times over the last week.
“Please… please daddy, fuck me” you cupped his face, “use me… need it so bad. Just fuck me”
You were babbling, pleading like you’d die if he didn’t just take what he wanted. You needed it badly like you needed oxygen to breathe.
“Fuck” he cursed, your filthy words turning him on in unspeakable ways. “You want it rough baby?” he let go of one of your thighs, letting it fall open onto the bed as he grabbed onto your neck instead. You nodded enthusiastically, placing your hand over his on your neck. Just the pressure of his hand there had your head spinning.
“I’m gonna fucking give it to you and you’re gonna take it like the little slut you are, understand?”
“Yes… yes, please” you chanted panting as he pulled his hips back just enough for his length to rub against that spot inside you. You didn’t even know what it was called or how to find it yourself, but that didn’t matter when it felt this good when Harry did it. Everything always felt better when Harry did it. “Yesss!”
Your back arched, and suddenly your mind was going numb as Harry started thrusting into you properly. The first few thrusts were painful even despite being lubed up more than ever before, but that quickly subsided and was replaced with pure ecstasy.
“Jesus Christ baby… so damn tight” he moaned, head tilting back momentarily as he used his grip on your neck for leverage to fuck into you harder. Once your ass was properly accustomed to his cock he didn’t hold back. He fucked into you rough and fast, his balls slapping onto your ass and the noise filling the room.
You didn’t know what to do with yourself. You were trying hard to keep your eyes opened but with the way Harry was fucking you, you couldn’t even breathe or think let alone maintain eye contact.
“Daddy… daddy” you cried, gripping onto the pillow on either side of your head and fisting it in your hands. Your eyes fluttered shut but he quickly reprimanded you by letting go of your neck and spanking your breast, kneading it roughly and making them fly back open in shock.
“Keep those pretty eyes open” he demanded, pinching your nipple before reaching over to the vibrator he grabbed earlier. You cried out when he switched on the small handheld wand and pressed it right to your clit, your legs snapping around his hips in reaction to the stimulation.
“I know… feels fucking good, doesn’t it?” he chuckled, loving your reaction to the vibrator. “Hold it there.”
Your hand shakily approached the wand, grabbing it from Harry and replacing his hand to hold it against you. The ripples of pleasure going through you was otherworldly and you were squirming on the bed intensely, unable to stay still from all the sensations.
“So wriggly” he chuckled, hooking your legs over the crook of his arms and using his grip to fuck you even harder. Now that you were adjusted to him, he was fucking you exactly how he wanted, using you like a flashlight to stimulate his cock. He knew you could take it, and he also knew it felt good by the way you had gone dumb with pleasure and could barely say anything let alone moan.
The added stimulation from the vibrator was like the detonation of a bomb, and within barely a minute you were crying out Harry’s name and coming all over his cock. Arousal flooded out of you, dripping down to add extra lubrication to his already drenched cock. You turned the vibrator off when it got too much and chucked it beside you, crying out loud at how Harry’s thrusts never stopped even when you felt too much.
“I love when you come for me… sound so good for me baby” he praised, pulling out suddenly and grabbing your hips to roll you onto your stomach. Your body felt like jelly so the move was easy and met with zero resistance. He pulled them back up roughly, dragging your chest along the bed until you were in the doggy position, and he was fucking his cock back into your ass.
He made sure to pour more lube over your hole, loving the way it was gaped and waiting for him to dive back in. He did it would precision this time, watching the lube drip down over your pussy and onto the bed as he slid right into you again.
Having that barely thirty seconds break of stimulation made his first thrust in feel like every nerve in your body was being touched at the same time. It was cruel the way he started thrusting back into you immediately, making you cry and claw at the mattress at just how good yet completely overwhelming it felt.
“Give me another, give me another orgasm pretty girl” he grunted, grabbing the vibrator and turning it on again then forcing it into your hand.
“Harry… I can’t” you protested, knowing using the vibrator again would only make your clit hurt. He paused his thrusts for a moment, pressing his fist to the duvet beside your head before wrapping his hand around yours and the vibrator then manoeuvring your hand under your belly and to your pussy.
“You can. You can because you’ve done it before so I know you can do it again” he spoke right in your ear, his chest pressed to your back. He let out a mocking chuckle when the head of the vibrator hit your clit and you squirmed beneath him, squealing into the bedding at the vibrations. It was only on the lowest setting, yet it felt like the highest.
“See, you can handle it…” he started moving again, letting go of your hand holding the vibrator and pressing his fist to the other side of your head. “Handle it so fucking well… like your ass was made for me” he groaned, kissing your back and driving into you with all the might in his body.
“You love it don’t you? Love being fucking owned like this” Harry spanked your ass, biting down on your shoulder at the sheer pleasure he was experiencing. “My fucking ass and my pussy isn’t it… you’re all mine aren’t you?”
You nodded against the bedding, “Yes… all yours… all yours daddy”
“That’s right. I own you, no one else can do what I can for you baby. But you know that don’t you? Know that only I can make you feel like this, only Daddy can fuck your little ass like you need it…”
Your legs were widening on the bed until you were practically lying flat, spread wide with your hand trapped and the vibrator pinned to your clit. You couldn’t think or even see anything, all your senses completely overworked and just existing in a whole heap of nothingness. There was nothing in your brain, just complete mind-numbing pain-laced pleasure that had you sobbing (literally) into the duvet and just taking whatever Harry gave you.
You couldn’t even respond to his words, but with every claim of ownership and dirty depraved word you could feel your body getting floatier and floatier, and closer to another orgasm. Being manhandled and being spoken to like that just did something to your mind and body that couldn’t be explained.
Your fourth orgasm built up quickly, but it was different than the others and produced a feeling you were now very familiar with.
Harry’s ability to make you squirt never ceased to amaze you, yet time and time again you still felt very unprepared for how it felt and the after effect it had on you.
“Harry… ‘mgonnasquirt!” that was all the warning you managed to give, though it was muffled by the way your face buried into the duvet when you released and just let it happen. The pure relief and stinging pleasure you experienced when your orgasm sprayed over the bedding and over Harry’s balls had you screaming into the bed, shaking and tensing up at how intense it was.
“Oh fucking hell” Harry cursed, feeling the first spray of your orgasm on his skin. Your body suddenly turned completely rigid as you practically convulsed and came over and over again, spraying down all over the bed until you shoved the vibrator away from you and collapsed. “Knew you could do it, angel. Just the best fucking girl for me. Make me so proud, you do”
You could barely respond and was completely deaf to his words, your mind ringing and dazed as he slowed his thrusts but still kept going. Your lack of response and the very visible change in your body worried Harry, so even though he hadn’t come yet he immediately pulled out and pushed you onto your back. He tucked his arm under your head and hovered over you, brows furrowing in concern at your closed eyes.
“y/n, are you okay?” he checked, brushing his thumb over your cheek and feeling relieved when you nodded, eyes still closed.
“Mhmm… just… just give me a second” you responded, grabbing his arms and squeezing your thighs together like it would help subside the thumping pain and pulsing aftershock of squirting and coming for the fourth time.
“You can have all the time in the world, just open your eyes when you’re ready pretty girl” he soothed, running his fingers delicately up and down your arm as he just looked at you. Even like this, with ruined makeup and sweaty hair, you were one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen.
From the beginning you weren’t his usual type, but that didn’t matter when you made him feel like this. You turned him on like no one ever had, his still hard cock was evidence of that, but you also made him feel alive. Just looking at you made his entire body feel alive and exhilarated and he was afraid he’d never find someone who made him feel like that again.
When he thought about sex he thought about you. Looking back on all the experiences he had in his life, none compared to what it felt like being with you, both physically and emotionally. He didn’t like feeling so connected, he hadn’t for weeks. But looking at you, he realised that this just couldn’t be the last time he saw you like this.
He needed you again and again and again. It was dangerous, unhealthy even and part of him knew he���d regret continuing anything with you. But he knew he’d regret it more if he didn’t get a chance to be in your sweet pussy again.
He wasn’t sure how it would happen, but he knew it had to. In any way.
When your eyes opened to look at him he smiled gently and cupped your face, leaning down to kiss you. You hummed into his mouth, cupping his face in return and pressing closer to him. In your daze you just thought he’d came, but the feeling of his hard cock against your thigh told you otherwise.
“You didn’t come” you frowned, voice strained from moaning so much.
“No, but it’s okay. Tonight was about you, darling and I still enjoyed myself even if I didn’t finish” he assured you, attempting to reach down and kiss you again.
It was the truth, because he felt enough pleasure just seeing you have fun and enjoy yourself. Finishing was always a bonus, but he didn’t need to, especially after being rough with you. You experienced many firsts tonight and he didn’t want to push you too far just for his own pleasure.
“No” you protested, holding his face so he couldn’t kiss you. “It’s not okay. I want you to come. I like making you feel good Harry”
“You have, you have darling” he smiled, pushing against your hand to kiss you. “I’ve already pushed you enough tonight and I can tell you’re tired”
You shook your head, wrapping your hand around his cock and making him groan into your mouth. He was already close to orgasming and just your hand had his hips shaking from being so close yet not close enough to having release.
“I want you… here” you let go of his cock and grabbed his hand, guiding his fingers to your dripping entrance. “Please” you looked at him pleadingly. Although you were tired your pussy hadn’t been used yet, and you just couldn’t end tonight without feeling his cock everywhere it should be.
“Are you sure?” His brows furrowed and you nodded. “Okay…” he whispered, sitting up and finding the other condom in its wrapper to change them over. He couldn’t fuck your pussy with the same condom he used for your ass, it wasn’t healthy and he wasn’t about to risk you getting some sort of infection.
After changing the condoms over he got back in position, spooning you and sliding one arm under your neck. His other hand cupped your face, kissing you again like he couldn’t get enough of it.   
“Are you sure?” he double checked, his eyes searching yours and his hand soft and delicate on your face. You nodded softly, feeling tired and sore but still wanting to please him and feel him inside you properly.
“Want you to come, Harry. Wanna make you feel good” you whispered, kissing him and lifting your leg up to show him that you were okay. His hand captured your leg in the crook of your knee and supported it upwards so you were spread open for him.
“Put me in then princess” he paused his kisses only long enough to speak before his mouth was on yours again.
You reached between your bodies and grabbed his cock, guiding him to your entrance. As soon as he was in position he pushed in slowly, the stretch of his cock making you whimper into his mouth. He had fingered you tonight so you had some prep for his cock, but your body was so sensitive that the burn was felt more than usual.
“Fucking love your pussy baby, always feels so good wrapped around me” he praised into your mouth, rocking gently once he was fully sheathed inside you. You moaned into his mouth, loving how deep he was inside you.
His thrusts weren’t rough, or too fast. He rocked deep and slow, like he was chasing his pleasure but careful not to go too hard to hurt you. Your mouths were connected, open against each other as you both panted in pleasure, not wanting to disconnect but unable to catch your breath.
It just felt different, like you had done the rough sex and were now experiencing something deeper and more meaningful. With your bodies pressed so close together, it felt like you were making love out of longing and feeling instead of something that was just for the end goal.
He fucked you like he was going to miss you, like this was a goodbye.
“‘m close baby, so close” his voice was more strained than usual, whimpery and desperate. “Gonna miss this, gonna miss you so much”
“Gonna miss you too, just don’t stop” you pleaded. You couldn’t come, and even if you wanted to it wouldn’t be for a long time. But this wasn’t about you, this was about Harry and his pleasure. Just having him close to you like this was everything you could’ve wanted.
His words hit you hard too, and you could feel tears springing in your eyes at the fact that this was the last time you’d ever be close to him like this again. “Come for me H, please baby”
That word of endearment had never left your mouth before, but it felt natural and right. He whimpered, full on whimpered at your words and let go of your leg, hugging you close instead as he reached his peak and desperately pressed his mouth to yours.
His heart was beating uncontrollably at the pet name, and it was like it filled his body was so many emotions at the one time he didn’t know what he was actually feeling. All he knew was that he needed you, closer, deeper.
He needed you in a way he had never needed anyone before.
When he finally stilled at the end of his high, you quickly angled your head away and breathed heavily while rubbing under your eyes, ensuring that you didn’t actually release all the pent up tears that you wanted to.
Harry buried his face in your neck, hugging you as you both laid there silently. You were still connected in the deepest way, but neither of you wanted to move just yet.
“I need a bath” you breathed, once air had properly returned to your lungs. Your body ached in every direction and even though it was hot outside, and the room was hot from your activities, it felt like the perfect thing to soothe your muscles.
“Mmh, a bath sounds lovely” Harry replied, closing his eyes and kissing the back of your shoulder haphazardly, like it was natural to him. “Why don’t I run one for us? Then I’ll change the sheets and rub some cream on you”
“Cream?” You asked, turning your head to look at him. He lifted his face from your neck and nodded, brushing your sweaty hair out of your face.
“To help with the bruising, ‘s important so it doesn’t hurt too much and heals properly”
You nodded in understanding, feeling so many things just looking at him. The knowledge of your parents being away tonight suddenly entered your mind, and you couldn’t help but feel your heart clench at the idea of going home to an empty house and being alone.
It was like Harry suddenly read your mind, or just happened to be thinking the same thing. “Would you like to stay the night? I know your parents aren’t home and I hate the idea of you being alone”
That was just an excuse really, because truthfully he just couldn’t bare the thought of himself being alone after everything that you two did tonight. He was nervous to ask, and he almost didn’t out of shear fear that you’d say no or take it the wrong way.
He never felt nervous to ask something like that, yet with you it felt like he was teetering on the edge of something dangerous and any wrong move could have him falling into the wrong side. One was losing you forever, which he just couldn’t handle and the other was finding himself hopelessly in love with you.
He had been fighting it for weeks, yet both extremes felt like they were the paths he was going down. He didn’t want either. But how long could he stay on the edge without falling into one?
There had to be a way to find a happy middle, one where he had you in his life but wasn’t utterly consumed and going against his core life goals and values just to have you.
Harry just wasn’t sure how to find that middle.
“I’d like that, thank you” you replied, sensing a shift in his attitude. He had suddenly turned quite serious, like he was caught up with something in his head. But his expression suddenly changed to that soft caring one he always had when he did aftercare with you.
“Good, stay right here and I’ll be right back”
You were fucked. Because while Harry got out of bed and walked into his ensuite you suddenly realised why you felt all this heartache all the goddamn time when you were around him.
You didn’t know why it hadn’t hit you before, really, but in the blink of an eye that realisation made everything make sense. You had feelings for him yes, that had been clear for weeks. He had single handedly completely flipped your whole world around and changed your attitude about everything romantically.
But it was more than that.
You were hopelessly in love with him.
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demonwoman · 7 months
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broken attachments chapter 3
chapter 1 | chapter 2
summary: you begin your padawan relationship with anakin on alderaan. and your first "lesson" does not good the way you expected, at all.
characters mentioned: r2d2, yoda, obi-wan
wc: 4.1k (!!!) // pairing: anakin x reader, obi wan x reader
cw: slow burn. possessiveness. anakin is extremely cocky and jealous, bordering on mean. use of pet name (stinger) which will continue throughout the story. improper master/apprentice dynamics. a kiss!!!! (but not actually). reader and anakin fight with lightsabers, it goes rather awry. slight fluff at the end
a/n: i'm still on hiatus but wanted to post this as a way of saying "thanks for 888 followers!" 8 is a good number to me hehe. also i told you we would be getting to the meat and potatoes. this is some good shit to me, i love tension and resolution with anakin
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“C’mon little one, throw your stuff up here.” Your new Master opened the hatch from his shuttle. The scuffed yellow paint was in desperate need of a fresh coat, but with the way Anakin treated his ships, it would no doubt be damaged by the time he landed. The two of you were sent to Alderaan under the guise of having a more peaceful environment to train. But with the way he was lamenting about not being able to see Padmé, you began to see why the Council really ordered you two off-world. 
“Do not call me little one.” You muttered under your breath, tossing your luggage straight at his head. It missed him by a hair, but he chuckled at your frustration.
“Well you are little to me now.” Anakin shrugged, referencing his newfound height over you. “And you’re my Padawan, so you have to listen to everything I say.” He grinned, motioning at you to come join the pilot’s seat next to  him. 
“Yeah - if I do that, I’ll be dead in a month.” You rolled your eyes, using the Force to jump and land on the balls of your feet in the seat. You slid in and buckled yourself in, and saw a familiar blue astromech cross your peripheral. The happy chirps confirmed itself - R2D2 was just behind you, making sure everything was running correctly. 
“Aw, come on ___. Have some confidence in me.” The young Skywalker sighed. “I know I’ve never done this before, but I feel like I could teach you some pretty sweet skills. Maybe get you to beat Obi-Wan for once.” 
“Right now, I have more confidence in Artoo to get us to Alderaan than I do in you.” You replied flatly, eyes scanning over the central flight console. 
Anakin tsk-tsked, his pointer finger wagging disapprovingly at you. “Backtalk already? I may have to punish you for your insolence.” But the shit-eating grin on his face was enough to tell you he wasn’t being serious at all. 
“Punish me all you want, Ani. Just stop calling me little one. At least come up with a better nickname.” The slight innuendo was not lost on you, but it did make Anakin’s eyebrow raise a little. 
“Oh, I’ll take that as a challenge. How about sourpuss?”
“No.” 
“Kiddo?” 
“Stop it.” 
Anakin rattled off a list of increasingly stupid names, as he was preparing the ship for liftoff. One part of you wanted him to shut up and just fly in silence, but the other part of you was grateful that he was being himself and talking for the both of you. 
It was only a few minutes after reaching hyperspace when Anakin had his “Aha!” moment. 
“Stinger!” He made a little finger gun, and pointed it at you. “For all the times you shot me and Obi-Wan with that damn practice blaster he always made you use. You were really good with that thing.” He murmured, as the memories of being stunned by that blaster began to resurface, his face twisting slightly. 
Your face was at this point scrunched in a permanent frown, but it was the only pet name of which you did not verbally protest. 
“Stinger it is.” 
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After landing the shuttle on its designated landing pad, the two of you, with Artoo in tow, were escorted by Alderaan officials to receive your housing assignment. Jedi were never given lavish quarters like the politicians or ambassadors that visited Alderaan, but their accommodations were still more comfortable than the rooms in the Central Temple. Of course - separate rooms, on opposite ends of the hall. Not next door neighbors, but it would have to do. After the Alderaan official unlocked the door and handed you the key card for entry, you set your single bag down, and unclicked your lightsaber from your belt loop. 
The kyber crystal you had chosen from your trials hummed, from deep within the saber hilt. You could feel its resonating frequency, too quiet for any civilian to hear - but you were attuned to it. Perhaps one of the more creative endeavors of the Jedi was designing and building their own lightsabers, and yours was no different. You had labored over it for many hours, to the point it almost concerned your colleagues that you were taking too much time - but when you presented your finished product, everyone agreed it was worth the extra time. 
The hilt was polished platinum, with a sleek diagonal cut at the top that resembled the blades of your homeworld. Your saber had not seen many real battles, so it lacked that experience and scuff you so desperately needed. Despite most Jedi holding their single saber with two hands, your hilt was light enough to be held comfortably just with your dominant hand, so you trained almost exclusively with that grip. The top half of your hilt was embellished with etchings that almost resembled tattoos on human skin, all curling around an inscription of your family surname in very small lettering. You had forsaken your familial attachment long ago, so your name was your only “Jedi approved” attachment to what you had left behind. 
The bottom half of the hilt was not as thick as the top, and it was wrapped in cloth, to give you more friction so you were less prone to it slipping from your hand. The button to ignite the saber was an unraised, rectangle shape, almost invisible to the naked eye, but it rested comfortably where your thumb sat. At the end of the hilt lay a secret button, its true intentions you kept even from Master Fisto. 
You turned on the saber, watching the blade come to life. The indigo color was uncommon for a kyber crystal, as your fellow Jedi often carried a lighter hue, but you felt the darker shade suited your personality more. It hummed as you waved it around carefully, eyeing the sharp tip of your saber with longing. You felt the Force flow through you as you wielded your blade, and with it - peace. 
But that peace was soon interrupted, when you felt a familiar, annoying presence behind the door. 
As soon as Anakin knocked, the door automatically slid open, and you turned around, eyeing him cautiously but turning the blade off. A soft smile crossed his features. 
“No, show me. I want to see it.” 
“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” You smirked, waving the hilt in your grasp. He rolled his eyes but chuckled at the silly joke. 
The two of you exchanged blades simultaneously, tossing in each other’s direction and catching each other’s respective hilt with no issue. The heaviness of Anakin’s blade was not a surprise to you, but you found the circular button and watched the sky blue hilt erupt to life. Anakin had a little more trouble finding your hilt’s button, but once he felt for it and a soft click! noise popped, his breath stopped in his throat when the indigo of your blade glowed against him. It’s beautiful, he thought. 
He waved it around experimentally, as did you. You needed a two hand grip to properly balance the hilt of his saber, whereas he almost felt clumsy holding yours due to the weight difference. 
“It’s lighter than I expected.” Anakin observed passively. 
“That’s because I hold it with one hand.” You replied, turning Anakin’s saber off. He continued to wave yours around, striking a few starting poses. 
“You know, that isn’t super practical in battle. You can cut through standard droids no problem with this, but anything that is armored is going to give you a tough time.” He clicked the main button off, and peered over the rest of your hilt. 
“That’s because you haven’t seen what I can do with it.” You tossed Anakin’s weapon back to him, and he returned yours back. “I’ll show you when we spar.” 
“I mean, I’ll beat you anyway, but I’m interested in seeing what this “secret” is.” His eyebrow quirked up. 
Your heart stopped for a moment. “How’d you know about that?” Did he see the button at the bottom of your blade? There’s no way he could’ve figured that out, right? 
“I can sense your hidden agenda with this blade, ___. You don’t hide very much within the Force. We’ll have to work on that, too.” 
“Fine.” You grumbled. “When are we training, anyway? You haven’t given me any kind of schedule.” 
“How about…right now?” Anakin tapped his index finger like he had put forethought into this, but you knew he was just deciding his teaching hours on a whim. “I’ll meet you in the training grounds at 18:00.” Glancing at the clock beside your bed, that gave you approximately 20 minutes to prepare for whatever tomfoolery your new Master was crafting. 
A pit of dread began to grow in your stomach, thinking of all the twisted possibilities of what training with Anakin would be like. But you swallowed your anxiety, and agreed to meet him in twenty. You asked for this, after all.
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Alderaan’s environment, like its politics, was soft and easy to mold. The dirt and clay beneath your boots gave in with little resistance, but did not sink into your shoes. Anakin had sent you the coordinates to a nearby forest, just on the outstretches of Aldera, far enough from civilization where the two of you could train free of distractions. Shuffling and making boot prints in the ground, you were waiting for your Master, who was five minutes late to the training session he scheduled. 
Typical. 
You pondered whether to call him on your comms, or to just wait it out. Even with the strict Jedi training imposed on him, the boy could never keep a schedule if someone’s life was on the line. It seemed pointless to idle around however, so you stood perfectly still and closed your eyes, convening with the Force, almost praying to it for extra patience. A thin, cooling sensation enveloped your eyes in particular as you tried to meditate and breathe, hoping to exhale all your frustrations away. 
It was at that moment, when the forest quieted itself unnaturally, that you detected a presence. 
Unlike the creatures roaming around, or the faraway steps of city dwellers escaping into its lush greenery, this presence was almost invisible. But its tension, its signature crassness was unmistakable. It was Anakin. 
He had been watching you the whole time from afar. 
Swallowing your prey instinct away, you ignited your saber and held it up slowly, and kept a hand on your belt, eyes still closed. Circling around, you paced around the forest floor, your feet stepping as quietly as you could manage. 
The stiffness of a forced inhale emerged, and your eyes opened, your intuition leaping before you could let your thoughts slow you down. You jumped into a nearby tree branch, and from your holster, grabbed a blaster and aimed tightly at the source of the noise. One, two, three shots were fired, before you heard a quiet “ouch!” and saw a gloved hand brush off the singed robe. 
You jumped down right to where you had shot right as his lanky body came into full view, landing low on the balls of your feet. Your lightsaber was on full display, its muted glow illuminating the features of your face as your Padawan braid whipped around and hit you lightly on the cheek. Anakin was imposing, with your bent over posture you didn’t even reach up to his chest as he chuckled, and held his hand out. 
The blaster in your non-dominant hand budged, and you gasped as he used the Force to take it away from you. He caught it, and tucked it away on his belt, before motioning for you to stand up and put your weapon away. 
“That was…not bad, for the first lesson.” Anakin’s eyes bore into you, and you avoided a direct gaze with him. A thin wave of shame rushed over your body when you felt disappointment behind his tone. 
The first lesson? 
He continued. “I wanted to see how long it would take you to notice my presence, when concealed by the Force. And for your first time, you were a bit slow, but not shabby.” Anakin paced in circles around you, eyeing you like an apex predator casually observing its prey. 
“What I don’t like however, is your dependence on a blaster. You know what Master Kenobi says about them, it’s an uncivilized weapon.” His hand brushed over your blaster on his belt loop, making you frown. “We need to wean you off of it. The relationship between Jedi and their lightsabers is exclusive to us, and we need to cultivate that with you.” He unholstered his own saber, turned it on and pointed it directly at you. Your blades hummed together, you two could feel the effects of the Force rolling off of it. But you could feel Anakin’s raw strength from the Force radiating off his arms and into the blade - it was almost overwhelming. 
You opened your mouth to formulate an excuse, but after Anakin’s eyebrow raised, you shut yourself up real quick. It wasn’t worth the petty squabbling - he was the Master, and you were the apprentice. 
“I apologize for not meeting your standards, Master Skywalker.” You stood up, and disengaged your weapon. “What can I do to improve?” Your voice became flat, and almost mechanical as you mentally began taking notes on how to better yourself. 
“No need to apologize, Stinger.” The use of your newly-acquired pet name made your ears perk up. “Let’s do one quick sparring session. Just so I can see what I’m working with.” Anakin bent his knees, before leaping away and standing in the middle of the forest floor, inviting you to do the same. 
You joined him as he resumed his circling pace. He ignited his saber, signaling to you to do the same. As soon as you prepared yourself for his attacks, he lunged at you and the fighting began. 
Even knowing how powerful Anakin was, was not enough to prepare you for his physicality and prowess. He spun his lightsaber in one hand before attacking, nearly knocking your blade out of your hand and causing you to grip it tighter. He was relentless in his offense, attacking and slashing at you with little mercy, as you were forced to resort to defensive strikes to try and balance things out. You couldn’t get a word in, you were too focused on maintaining a steady stance. 
“What’s the matter, apprentice?” He shouted, aggression laced in his voice. “Are you going to keep defending yourself, when are you going to take offense and hit me?” Your blades kept clashing, the sounds echoing throughout the forest floor as he kept you in that tight circle, alternating between pacing and running. You did not respond, but when you sensed you were reaching the end of your usability with your one-handed grip, you jumped back and turned your saber off. 
The reaction surprised Anakin, which was enough time for you to pull out your “secret.” You gripped your hilt with both hands, and pressed the main button to reignite the blade, and in a fraction of a second, your non-dominant hand pressed the button on the bottom of the hilt. The hilt itself extended a few centimeters to accommodate for your two-handed grip, and Anakin’s eyes lit up when he saw the height of your blade extend as well. The length of your blade was now several centimeters taller than his as you charged at him with your ‘new’ weapon. 
Anakin nearly fell back as you put the full force of your power in one elegant swipe. His stance weakened, which was what you were hoping for as you lunged and aimed for his shoes. He was forced to jump up as you swiped and switched back to a one-hand grip. You used the Force to push him back a bit, further causing physical imbalance as you spun your lightsaber in a similar fashion to his. When Anakin was knocked back by the push, he fell to the ground up against a tree. The moment he looked at you, seeing your robes flowing around you, wind picking up and swirling around your being was when he realized –
You are a legitimate threat. 
All those years of watching you get defeated by Obi-Wan time and time again. All those times of you begrudgingly being held back by his former Master’s teachings, not because Obi-Wan didn’t care, but because the Council made him hold back on giving you what you deserved. All those years of being told that he was special, and more powerful than everyone else (save for perhaps Yoda) - it all came to a crushing conclusion that even at the end of the day, if he did have the skills and the strength to crush you, you managed to sneak in something that threw him off guard. 
Anakin only smiled, which disarmed you as you were in predator mode. He just stood up calmly, and reengaged his weapon, resuming his familiar patterns of slashing and striking. 
Hearing the huffing and puffing of your breathing was a sign to him to quit the session. Anakin shuffled away from your elongated blade, and turned off his saber, his hands going up to show surrender. You sighed, and wiped the sweat from your brow as the adrenaline ebbed away, leaving you with tired limbs. Fighting with such a long blade tired you out immensely, which he immediately took a mental note of. Your saber was shut off, and your knees knocked together as you almost fell backwards. 
You didn’t need Anakin to catch you, as you avoided tripping and falling, but he was there anyway. You felt the leather of his glove touch your upper back, keeping you firm on your feet. 
“Good job. Let’s go home.” He whispered, his eyes sparkling with pride. You groaned, taking heavy breaths as the weight of your exhaustion fully set in. 
“Did you walk here?” Anakin asked. “I used a speeder. Let’s go back, you can ride with me.” 
You nodded, adjusting your robes and feeling around for your missing blaster. When you recalled it being in Anakin’s possession, you pointed at it, asking for it back with your eyes. Anakin looked confused, before realizing what you were nonverbally asking for. 
“Oh, you’re not getting this back. In fact –” he paused, and took the blaster and aimed it right at your face. The brazen motion shocked you, eyes widening in panic. “Let me see that braid. Pull it out.” 
You were unsure of what his intentions were, but you obeyed. Untucking it behind your ear, you moved all of your hair to one side, leaving the braid by itself. With a click of the trigger, and a sharp zing! sound - you almost cried out, but realized he didn’t hit you. But then the smell hit afterwards, the singe of burned hair. You looked down and gasped, seeing the seashell Master Fisto gifted you, on the ground. 
There lay the end of your braid, burned off by your blaster that your Master was wielding. Your eyes welled with tears, as you finally spoke for the first time since the beginning of the sparring session. 
“How could you do that?” You whispered at him, voice shaking in anger. You pawed at your now freed hair strands, feeling how he had severed a few centimeters off. 
“He’s not your Master anymore. I am.” Anakin concluded, before spinning the gun absentmindedly and placing it back in his belt. The nonchalant nature of Anakin’s voice almost triggered you to shout at him. You picked up the pale white seashell from the ground, and held it close to you. 
“Listen to me, ___. You’re my apprentice now, and you are to obey my commands as your teacher. I want you to forgo your attachment to Master Fisto. He let you go. And you chose to follow me. So, come.” He patted the seat of his speeder. “Sit behind me. It’s been a long day.”
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You looked at the Alderaan sun setting, turning the sky into rich shades of lavender and orange. You avoided looking at him, but climbed in the seat behind him, holding his back close to your chest. He thumbed your cheek, to check for any signs of blaster fire (it was a clean hit, and you both knew it) before he started up the speeder and got you both back to your temporary residence. 
On the way back, the exhaustion and sadness of your loss fully took over your body, and by the time he parked and turned off the speeder, you had fallen asleep. When Anakin got off, your body slumped forward, but again, he caught you. He chuckled, looking at your sleeping form, eyes peacefully closed and breathing even. 
Completely unconscious to the world around you, he quietly carried you in his arms to your room, without attracting the attention of any guards. Opening the door with the key card he found in your pocket, Anakin placed you delicately on your bed, and removed your outer robes and unclicked your saber from your belt. He inspected the bottom of it, finding that hidden button and circling his thumb around it carefully. 
The serenity of your features warmed Anakin’s heart. He knew you were a good fighter, wise beyond your years and full of potential. It pleased him greatly to be able to work with you in such a close regard, as he gazed over your tightly curled fist, containing the small seashell from Master Fisto. 
A tinge of regret washed over him, as the weight of his actions settled in. He knew your five years with Master Fisto were important to you, and knowing that he only had a year with you before his ‘real’ Padawan was to be assigned to him made him almost…jealous. He wanted to be your real Master, and he wanted to train you to be the best Jedi Knight he could imagine. Not better than me, of course. But better than everyone else, that’s for sure. 
I wish I had more time with you, he thought to himself. But he brushed your stray locks of hair away from your face, and saw your Padawan braid, rapidly unfurling from its tightly woven style. Anakin pulled off his gloves, and repaired the damage he caused, in the only way he knew how to. 
When you came to only a few hours later, the sky was inked in the midnight hours. Most of Alderaan had gone to sleep, and you were disoriented and confused as to how you even got back in your room. But your stomach grumbled, and you turned to find a small dinner on a serving cart, covered by a metal cloche. Your fist untightened, as you saw Master Fisto’s seashell in your hand. A tear slipped out this time, traveling slowly down your face before stopping at your chin. 
You wiped the tear away, and ate your room temperature food in silence, staring listlessly at the wall. It was very late, and you figured Anakin was asleep, so it wasn’t worth bothering him at this hour. But when you got up to put your food away on the serving cart, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the reflection of the cloche. 
Coughing and almost choking on air, you ran to the nearest full mirror to look at yourself. Your braid was completely redone in a style you did not recognize. It was not messy nor clumsy, it was in fact quite intricate and beautiful. And at the end of the braid, lay a thin silver chain wrapped tightly around, almost choking the hair in place. The end of the chain dangled with the ends of your hair, blending in nicely. 
“Oh, Anakin,” you breathed, touching your newly braided hair. The sensation of it woke Anakin up from his slumber - he could sense your realization echo through the hall of your room. He bolted up and almost raced to your room, but stopped midway through the hall and sighed, before shuffling awkwardly back to his room. 
The possessiveness of Anakin’s decision to chop your braid off had scared you, but seeing what he had done to ‘apologize’ for his behavior softened you to your soul. To no one in particular, you pressed a gentle kiss to the bundle of filigree decorating your braid. 
Anakin’s heart began to race as he felt your emotions swell in the Force, before quieting down for the night. And he did not get a wink of sleep that night. 
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taglist: @public-safety-network @strawberrystepmom @medusashima @ordinarylokix @darthvvder
dividers by @saradika and @cafekitsune
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Hey guys, I've been thinking about making this post for a long time and I think its finally time I do so. After realizing that some of my last work was done over a year ago, I don't think I can really ignore it anymore. While I haven't quite thrown in the towel on this quite yet, it's pretty evident to me and I'm sure to everyone who still follows this blog that my fervor for the project has drastically decreased. And has been kind of dead for a while. The comic has not been a priority to me, or posting online much at all actually. I did some soul searching and found that I'd started relying on outside approval for my art instead of doing art for the sake of wanting to tell a story and express myself throughout my work. I have limited energy and depression and sometimes it feels like i get such little progress done even though it takes all of my energy. While I'm trying to go to the gym more and build better habits my energy levels and mood still have a lot to be desired, and I'd rather use the limited energy I have to work on something I'm more passionate about.
I've been trying to grow my skills and absorb more stories and I've moved around a lot and started to listen to what I really felt, and I found that a lot of the art I want to focus on deals with heavier and more mature topics. I do love this story, and all of the characters and I feel like I could make a really clever subversion of what is expected from an Underfell comic. But I feel like in these uncertain times with the world and with all of the stuff going on right now, I'd like to use my energy to work on stories that hit closer to the things that I feel are important. So that's why I've not been posting much.
I'm working on a book, and I've actually got quite a lot of progress done on it, but because of all the horror stories online about people stealing author's original works, I'm kind of holding off on publishing any chapters before I can copyright the first draft of the novel. So my online activity will still be pretty scarce for a bit, though I'll still post occasionally on my @cosmicpixel01 account. I'll try better to not be so radio silent though lol. Even if that means I'll post something boring about my dog or books I'm reading just so everyone knows I'm still alive.
I don't want to call it quits on the story. But I also feel like you guys have been kept waiting to see what happens for a really long time, and that makes me feel so guilty. I will try to finish up the pages I have in the works, and I'm probably going to switch to a different format that is some drawings, some writing to finish the story. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to finish it the way I intended for you guys, even with all of the support and kind words and even the fanart that I've kept in a folder on my desktop. I am letting a lot of you down, but I feel like the radio silence is probably more irresponsible than just going out and saying something. And I'm sorry I've kept you all waiting for a not-so-happy update on the blog.
I hope that some of you will continue to follow me for some of my other exploits and see whatever other things I have going on, but I understand that you all followed me for Undertale so I don't want you to feel any sort of guilt if you decide not to. I'm just happy you all supported me for so long.
I'll try to work on this blog again soon, and if anyone has any questions, my asks are open, though I'll probably keep the asks private. Until then I hope everyone stays safe out there. And from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
-Avery
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theragethatisdesire · 8 months
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much ado about nothing chapter 6 - plug!eren x reader - 18+!!!
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DISCLAIMER: this post contains MATURE CONTENT that is intended only for those over 18. minors and ageless blogs, please do not read below the cut.
ummmmm HIII so sorry i know i still owe you guys a million drabbles and i haven't been posting as much but this chapter is just chock-full of drama and i'm so excited to share it bc hehehe it's a rollercoaster. also we should def stop listening to sasha. sneaky posting; have fun babies!!!! i cannot WAIT to hear your thoughts
specific cws: alcohol use, violence (like fist-fighting level not insane), mentions of drugs, swearing, incredibly awkward tension lol
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“The course of true love never did run smooth.” A Midsummer Night’s Dream by William Shakespeare (Act I, Scene 1)
You’ve done a lot of partying in your days, but you never thought a hangover could float over your shoulders for damn near two weeks. Then again, maybe that rancid taste in your mouth is regret instead of the practical gallons of liquor you’d guzzled that night.
Historia tells you to delete the evidence, have a glass of wine with your friends, focus on your studies, put meaning back into the happy distractions that make up life. Sasha tells you to suck it up, download Tinder, do something other than wallow in your bed with nothing on but the fairy lights along your ceiling. Ymir tells you men aren’t worth embarrassing yourself for, maybe start swinging the other way, that she knows a few very pretty single ladies.
You meet all of their advice with a slow nod, sometimes a chuckle, put your head down, and go about your business, letting the shame follow you around like a little rain cloud from building to building around campus. Even your students have noticed something’s making you tick; Falco and Gabi left a package of Crumbl cookies in your office the other day, and for the first time, Zofia has begun to raise her hand in class. It’s heartwarming, really, but it doesn’t solve your problem.
Problems would be the better term for it. To start, there was your royal fuck-up with Eren. You had over-indulged and gotten a little too flirty to be “friends”, sure, it happens, but something had snapped in you when you saw Eren with that leggy blonde hanging all over him at the club.
Breeze. Even wearing naught but a skirt and some thin tights with the early winter wind whipping around your legs, just the thought of her name makes your blood boil. She was perfect, all bouncy and easygoing and cool, hippie clothes. To be fair, she was the one with the true claim on Eren; you had dug your own grave, far too confident in your ability to be just friends with someone so…so Eren.
Your friendship had been growing closer and closer by the passing day before that night, texting at nearly every minute of the day and spending time together wherever you could fit it in your full schedule. You had made plans to bake Christmas cookies together, even despite Eren’s protests that Christmas was a “capitalistic hellhole of a holiday season”, had acted out your favorite Shakespeare scenes in your pajamas, much to Eren’s amusement, and had made a habit of staying up late into the night watching and rewatching your favorite animes, heatedly debating characters. It had been butterfly-inducing, dizzying, perfect. Until you had indulged in one too many shots and humiliated yourself, that is.
Seeing Breeze all over Eren had made you realize the severity of your mistake trying to keep Eren in your life, realize the warm feeling blooming in your chest every time he grinned at you, all teeth and his little chin dimple, was decidedly much more than a platonic appreciation for a new friend. It turned out that you’d been right from the start; you weren’t his type, and to make matters worse, his actual taste in women had been thrust in your face unexpectedly.
When you had awoken the next morning, debating on whether to fall back asleep immediately or dash to the toilet, Historia had greeted you with a sorry smile, a cup of coffee, and a quiet word of advice to look through your phone. Knowing your drunken self, you pulled up your phone calls first, wanting to make sure you hadn’t accidentally Facetimed your mom to tell her how much fun you were having or something cringe-worthy of the sort. But no, of course it had to be much worse than that.
There was a phone call– to Eren. Your call log had recorded a one minute and thirty-six second phone call between you and Eren, one you obviously didn’t remember making.
“Please tell me you were with me when I called Eren,” you groan, so naive, “did I completely embarrass myself?”
Historia blushes. “Well, he didn’t answer, if it’s any consolation–”
“Oh, thank god–”
“But that didn’t exactly stop you,” Historia fiddles with the edge of her t-shirt, “you left him a voicemail.”
Even through your throbbing headache, you shoot right up out of bed at that. “What?! What did I say?”
“I don’t know,” Historia moans woefully, putting her hands over her face, “I’m sorry, I tried to stop you, but you ran off as soon as you started talking. By the time I caught up to you, you were already hanging up.”
“So, there’s a voicemail from drunk me on Eren’s phone, and neither of us have any idea what it says?”
“Correct.”
“My life fucking sucks.”
“It’s about to get a whole lot worse,” Historia says, throwing your sheets back and snuggling beside you in the bed, burrowing her face in your shoulder, “check your texts.”
And oh, had it gotten worse. Your drunken, foolish text sat in your outbox, unanswered, unread, and inexcusable. Six months later and you were right back where you started, begging a ghost of a man to explain why he couldn’t love you.
> hi luke, i’m sorta ficked up, but i misz you. why did yoi never call me???? you owe me at leasttg that. a fcking explanation,. 
Storming through campus, coat tucked around your shoulders against the biting chill, you wince at the memory. You haven’t deleted the unanswered text yet, keeping it stale in your phone as a reminder of what happens when you get too attached to people you know aren’t good for you.
You thought you’d be more heartbroken over the text to Luke and its lack of an answer, but surprisingly, you’re not. It’s Eren haunting your thoughts, Luke’s just the placeholder for all of your anger at this point. Eren isn’t to blame for all of this, you are, and that’s why you can’t bring yourself to face him, can’t bring yourself to answer any of the hesitant texts he’s sent you since that god-awful night.
You’re not in college anymore, you have to keep reminding yourself. You’re twenty-four, and you’d like to think you’re past the phase of your life where you’re handing your heart out to anyone that passes like it’s a Costco sample. You aren’t even sure if you want Luke anymore at this point, if you could even speak to him if you bumped into him these days. He had, admittedly, treated you like dirt, wrenched your heart out from your chest and left it on the sidewalk to collect dust. At least you can hate him, hate what he did to you, hate that you’re stuck on him like a broken record skipping to the same chorus every few weeks.
You can’t hate Eren, though. You can be disappointed in him for entertaining his terrible ex-girlfriend, not aloud of course because he hadn’t actually mentioned her to you himself, but you can do it internally. Even that isn’t enough to make you feel better; not only had he not trusted you, not felt safe or comfortable enough with you to share the skeletons in his closet, but he was likely zooming full-speed down a dead-end street, the way Sasha tells the story. Your heart aches for him out of a painful mixture of pining and fervent concern.
Your only solution so far has been to dive headfirst into your coursework and your students; it hasn’t done much to distract you, but with finals on the horizon, it’s not the worst method of coping you’ve come up with in your days.
Your newly invigorated dedication to your work and your courses are the cause of you dragging yourself across campus to 104, desperate for caffeine and practically a corpse after two weeks of near-constant self-shaming keeping you up at night.
The smell of the coffee shop, earthy and warm, hits you almost as hard as the blasting heat inside, and you practically slouch upon entering, the weight of the cozy atmosphere cocooning you like a warm blanket. If there’s one place that will always feel like a hug, it’s 104 Beans, your coffee shop of choice (and obligation, considering the small size of your campus) for the last six years.
Pieck, your favorite barista, greets you in her typical dreamy manner. “Hi love, same as usual?”
“Hey Pieck,” you greet her with a weary smile. As you dig around in your bag for your wallet, the extent of your exhaustion versus the amount of work you have left to do surfaces in your brain. “Actually…no, not my usual. Can I get a quad shot Americano?”
Pieck pauses where she’s scribbling onto a paper cup with a Sharpie, eyes flitting back up to you in disbelief. “A quad shot Americano?”
“A quad shot Americano.”
“Jesus,” Pieck sighs, eyes wide, “work’s that rough, huh? Black coffee not going to cut it?”
“The shakes will be worth it,” you confirm, swiping your card through the machine.
“Can I please make it a cappuccino then? You’re going to need something creamy to get all that espresso down,” Pieck looks back up at you, eyes pleading.
“Fine,” you sigh, “but–”
“Almond milk, I know,” Pieck winks at you, sliding your cup down the assembly line of baristas working amongst the hissing of the espresso machine and the pleasant, folky music floating from the speakers. “We’re a little busy, so give me five and I’ll bring it over to you.”
You smile gratefully and collect your things, turning to scout out what’s hopefully a quiet table in the corner, when a pair of arms tossed around your shoulders stops you. The familiar scent of fruity perfume tickles your nose, and you slump against the tight grip in relief.
“You made it out of the house!” Sasha’s eyes glow with pride, as if you’d just run a marathon.
“It’s not like I’m a hermit,” you roll your eyes, “I have class five days a week.”
“You don’t go anywhere besides class or your house though, so you still get participation points,” Sasha grins, shaking your shoulders, “how are you feeling?”
“Well…”
Sasha’s expression crumples. “Still that bad, huh?”
“The Luke thing was pathetic of me, but honestly, it’s not haunting me as much as I thought it would,” you admit, pausing for a moment to allow Sasha to grab her coffee from the barista when her name is called, “the one thing that’s really sticking with me is the Eren issue.”
“Like, the voicemail? Or Breeze?”
“Both. I would give anything to know what that voicemail said, but whatever was going on between us aside, I just hope he’s okay, y’know? With Breeze back in the picture and everything.”
Sasha bites into her bottom lip and glances around the coffee shop, checking every face at every table. You know that face; she’s hiding something.
“What?”
“What?” Sasha cocks her head innocently. You nearly smack her.
“You’re not telling me something.”
“Uh…okay, yeah, I’m not, but I’m not sure if I should. I mean, you’re actually out of the house–”
“I leave my house plenty!”
“You know what I mean,” Sasha scoffs, “it’s just…if you’re feeling better, I don’t want to throw you back into the deep end.”
You have no words for that, absolutely despising the way that she is completely correct. Whatever information lies behind Sasha’s bitten lip could either make you feel a hundred times better or a hundred times worse, and you’re stuck debating on whether you should gamble or not when Sasha makes the decision for you.
 “Fine, you wore me down,” she sighs.
“I didn’t even say anything,” you point out, raising an eyebrow.
“You don’t have to,” Sasha says, annoyed, “you have this, like, fucking puppy dog look. Makes me sick. Get your coffee, I’ll find a table, and we can talk.”
Like clockwork, the moment Sasha steps away, Pieck grabs your attention and hands your coffee over along with an extra hot cup half-full of steamed almond milk. You look at her questioningly, and she merely shrugs.
“That’s a lot of espresso. I know you’re in, like, your depressed writer phase right now, but I figured a little extra milk would come in handy.”
“You’re the best,” you smile at her affectionately, thinking absentmindedly that you should invite her out to Scout’s sometime. Before she can respond, Pieck’s gaze lands on something just over your shoulder. You can smell him even before you turn around, musky cologne and a little hint of weed. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
“Hey Pieck. Usual?” His throaty timbre cuts through the thick air, sharp as a knife. Pieck nods politely and gets to work on his coffee, forgoing a trip to the cash register. That tracks; Pieck’s hooded eyes are bloodshot more often than not.
“Excuse me,” you mutter, trying to sneak around him, but Eren’s quicker than you, side-stepping to cut you off.
“Hey stranger,” he smiles down at you, but it’s tense, nervous, “trying to run off on me?”
“Didn’t even realize that was you, sorry,” you lie, offering him a thin smile in return. You spot Sasha gaping at you across the cafe, waving her arms wildly and mouthing What the fuck?. You can’t help but feel similarly.
“It’s been awhile, how are you?”
“M’fine, just really busy with school.” God, you hate this, this awkward small talk barely parsing its way through the jungle of things left unsaid between you two. “You?”
“Fine,” Eren looks around awkwardly, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Good,” you speak directly into your coffee, unable to stomach the emerald green peering down at you.
“You know,” Eren’s words come out quite like he can’t believe he’s saying them, “I kinda thought you were avoiding me.”
“Did you?” Your voice is caught in your throat, coming out in a pathetic squeak. Has he heard the voicemail? The startling turn the conversation’s taken must be visible all over your face, because Sasha’s flailing arms beckoning you over to the table grow more urgent.
“You haven’t texted me back, haven’t seen you in a couple weeks,” Eren’s incredibly focused on his shoes, kicking one Vans sneaker idly back and forth on the floor and making a squeaking sound, “so yeah, sort of.”
“I’m busy,” you deadpan, praying to any god you can remember the name of that you’ll just disintegrate right where you stand. Eren meets your eyes again, smirks disbelievingly.
“You said that.”
Something in his tone annoys you, something about his insinuation that he knows you’re blatantly lying, that he’s teasing you over your embarrassment, ignites a little flame in your chest. You scowl at him.
“I mean, you must be pretty busy too.”
“Why’s that?”
“Breeze just got back into town, didn’t she?” No going back now. Eren’s face blanches for a moment, features growing pale, but he manages to school his face back into that nonchalant pout that you want to slap right off his face.
“Historia told you?” He doesn’t sound surprised; in face, he sounds almost expectant, like he knew you’d find out at some point. It stakes the embers burning in your chest.
“She’s my best friend, so yeah.” This feels like an argument. It shouldn’t be an argument, but your clipped tone is pushing it in that direction. You’ve spent the last two weeks reminding yourself that you have no claim on Eren, no reason to be hurt or upset, but here you are, feeling that familiar rush of anger coursing through your veins.
“I mean, we haven’t been hanging out or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Who said I was worried?”
Eren’s eyebrows knit together, a little frown playing at his mouth. “I don’t know, I mean–”
“Look, Sasha’s waiting for me,” you point over Eren’s shoulder to the little two-top table, where Sasha has stilled within the blink of an eye, shooting Eren an innocent smile and a little wave. “I’d love to catch up, but maybe another time.”
“It was good seeing you.” Eren looks confused, albeit, a little bit hurt, and you hate it. Why is that so much worse, even worse than the sight of him with Breeze hanging off of his arm? His little pout puts a needle through your ballooning anger, and you deflate, sighing.
“I’ll see you around, I’m sure.”
“Yeah,” Eren takes his coffee from Pieck and ambles towards the door, sparing you one last glance over his shoulder. Unwilling to hold his eyes any longer, you scurry to your table, just having realized that Pieck forgot to put a coffee sleeve around your cup and that it’s been burning your hand for the last several minutes.
“Ow! Shit!” You practically crash land across from Sasha, dropping your cups in synchronicity and shaking your red palms around in the air to cool them down.
“What was that?” Sasha hisses, leaning across the table so viciously that your drinks nearly topple over.
“He just showed up!”
“You didn’t have to talk to him.”
“I didn’t try to. He just, like, materialized behind me and started talking. What was I supposed to do? Run away?”
“Little shit,” Sasha swears, glaring at the door as if her anger can shoot through it like a laser beam, cut Eren down where he’s surely almost a block down the street by now, “what did he say?”
“He asked if I’ve been avoiding him," you say, twirling your wooden coffee stirrer through your drink idly and trying to look as if your heart’s not still beating at what’s sure to be a dangerous rate.
“Well, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, but I wasn’t about to tell him that. He got all smug about it,” you scoff, the replayed scene of Eren’s self-assured smirk wiping off of his face bringing you a little bit of petty satisfaction, “until I brought up Breeze.”
Sasha’s eyes grow wide, and she looks around the coffee shop again, as if Eren or Breeze might come popping out of one of the large potted plants in the corners. “That’s actually what I wanted to tell you. What did he say about it?”
“What did you hear?” You narrow your eyes at her, and she narrows hers back.
“You first.”
“He didn’t say much, just looked really surprised that I brought her up. Said they haven’t been hanging out.”
“That’s bullshit,” Sasha snorts, rolling her eyes. Something in your chest that had begun to glimmer, something akin to hope, feels like it just got a bucket of ice-water poured over it. You cock your head, furrow your brows.
“How would you know?”
“Because Hitch and I grabbed some coffee–”
“Hitch? I thought that was a–”
“Okay, don’t crucify me, I know,” Sasha holds her hands up defensively, “it was supposed to be a one night stand, but…I don’t know. She’s cool.”
“Cool?” Even through your desperation for anything Eren-related after a two week drought, you smile knowingly at her. Sasha’s not hard to read, especially when her face goes bright red from chin to forehead.
“Yes,” she hisses, “cool. Anyway, we came by a few days ago, and Eren was here. With Breeze.”
“I mean, I expected as much.”
You’re lying, you’re so lying. The only consolation you’ve had over the last two weeks that you’re not a complete moron is the hope that maybe, just maybe, Eren’s just as forlorn as you, laying around and wishing his phone would buzz with your name on it, wishing you’d pop up at his door with a bag of popcorn ready for movie night. Instead, your worst suspicions have been confirmed, and not only is Eren very much involved with Breeze again, but he had lied straight to your face about it. Ouch.
“They weren’t like, holding hands or anything. Honestly, it looked like they were fighting.”
“Well, what did Hitch say about it?” You don’t even know if you want to know, but with your brain short-circuiting inside your skull, your mouth has free reign to seek out information that will be about as soothing as lemon juice on a papercut.
“Eren won’t talk to any of them about her,” Sasha burns her tongue on her coffee and sucks in a sharp breath, “not even Armin, apparently. She said he’s been moody lately.”
“Wonder why,” you mumble, mulling all of this new information over in your head. Breeze is bad for him, makes him crazy, you already know that. But you didn’t think it would start this soon– you feel like if anything, he should be ecstatic that his long-lost love has finally come back to him. And he can stop trying to replace her, your brain adds helpfully, only doubling the watery ache swelling in your chest.
“Who cares?” Sasha rips open a granola bar, biting into it and continuing to speak with her mouth full. “That’s why you’ve got to stop avoiding him.”
“Huh? That seems like the opposite–”
“No,” Sasha cuts you off, an air of authority in her normally chipper voice, “you’re not going to cower in the corner just because Eren’s back with his shitty ex girlfriend–”
“It’s not just because of Breeze,” you correct her, “it’s because of that voicemail. I have no idea what I said. There’s a lot that’s contributing to my self-induced isolation, trust me.”
“Regardless,” Sasha mouths around another bite of her granola bar, “the only thing that will make you feel better is being around him.”
“That sounds a little contradictory–”
“Trust me,” Sasha interrupts you again, “the best way to make a guy come around is to be up in his face, flaunting how hot and single you are, and to not give him an ounce of your attention. It’s a tried and true method, I promise.”
It turns out that you are a beacon for those with bad ideas, evidently, because later that night, you’ve ended up at Scout’s, cuddled up against the bar with Sasha despite Historia’s fervent protests. If Historia shows up later, just to “check in” (read: see what’s come of Sasha’s terrible plan), you won’t be surprised. She’s prone to being the mom friend and the harbinger of gossip, but she hasn’t shown face quite yet. It’s just you, Sasha, and a handful of regulars, sipping unreasonably cold beers and trying to act as if the early December chill hasn’t rattled you to your bones.
“This is a stupid idea,” you murmur against the lip of your bottle, trying not to seem as unnerved as you are, even after an hour of waiting and sipping. Sasha scoffs beside you, picking through your near-empty basket of peanut shells in search of a full pod.
“It’s not. He’ll be here.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you dragged me out. It only took a week for me to start missing this place,” you run a thoughtful hand along the varnished wooden bartop, “but I’m just still not sure about this whole seeing-Eren-on-purpose thing.”
Before Sasha can answer, the door swings open to reveal the man in question: Eren, accompanied by Armin and Connie, as always, and sporting his standard uniform. Black hoodie, slouchy khaki pants that are tightened around the ankles, and his beat-up Vans.
You nearly sigh into your drink at how delicious he looks, only stopping when the little voice in your head reminds you that the voicemail you’d left him exists. Friends– no, strangers now? The concept of labeling your bizarre, gray-areas-only relationship with Eren brings a chuckle up your throat, one that spills onto the bar.
You can feel him watching you, but to your simultaneous surprise and disappointment, he gives you space, sidling up to the bar a few seats down from where you and Sasha are occupying a couple of bar stools. When Connie throws up a cheerful hand in greeting to you, you tentatively wave back, only for Armin to grab Connie’s attention and turn him toward the bar.
“Ha!” Sasha says triumphantly, looking at you with her eyes glowing like you’re supposed to have reached a revelation of some sort. “See?”
“Did you plot this with Connie?” You narrow your eyes in suspicion.
“No, I’m just a genius, that’s all.”
“I feel like your theory is being proven wrong, not right. He’s not even sitting near us.”
“Because you have the upper hand!” Sasha grins.
“The upper hand?”
“Yeah, he’s giving you some space so you can make the first move, get what you want out of him.”
“And what do I want out of him?” You nearly growl in your frustration, feeling silly sitting exactly four barstools down from Eren with him running through your mind as if he isn’t close enough to just hop up and hug. It’s a genuine question more than a rhetorical one; you’re not even sure what you expect out of him anymore. Another fuck? A fancy date night? A lifetime worth of radio silence, as if Eren isn’t the person you’ve connected better with than nearly anyone else in your romantic history?
Sasha’s brows furrow. “Don’t you know?”
“No! That’s what I was trying to tell you!”
“Oh,” Sasha frowns, rubs her chin, “we should have figured that part out before we came, I guess.”
“Sasha!” You whisper-hiss, ever mindful of what you’re sure to be prying ears only a few feet away. “So you have no plan?”
Sasha stumbles, stutters, and eventually, flushes bright red with a shrug. “Okay, fine, I have no plan. But at least it’s something to break up your routine of laying in bed eating chips and moping around the library.”
“You’re such a bitch.” You roll your eyes, but you don’t mean it, not really. Regardless of how things stand, at the very least you can sneak little glances at Eren, take in how good he looks– no, you correct yourself firmly. You hopped off that train of your own accord, and you’re better for it.
With some verbal manhandling, you goad Sasha into a lull of small talk, classes, anything that comes to mind. A pair of eyes finds you, not the emerald that keeps you up at night, but a pair of hazel old-and-new eyes draw to you, and you can feel the scratch of an unwelcome gaze on your skin.
“Floch’s here,” you state the obvious, sipping your drink and giving no physical indication that you’ve noticed him, staring straight ahead as you mutter to Sasha.
“Christ, this was not a good idea,” Sasha groans, face-palming.
“Wow, I sure wish that someone had suggested this was a bad idea, wouldn’t that have been nice?”
“Shut up,” Sasha says, peeking warily over her shoulder, “I think that’s Hitch in the corner, too.”
You frown, confused at the hunched, anxious change in her posture. “Why are you being weird? Go say hey.”
“I’m not abandoning you!”
“Oh, shut it. Why are you really being weird?”
“I, uh…” Sasha twirls her beer around on the counter, blushing, “I haven’t texted her back in like, four or five days.”
“Sasha! You like her, I can tell. What’s gotten into you?”
“It was supposed to be a one-night thing,” Sasha moans, letting her face fall dramatically into her hands, “and then it was movie nights and coffee and just…way beyond casual hooking up. I like her, but…I don’t know! I panicked.”
You chew on her admission for a second, selfishly comparing Sasha’s situation to your own. Was that what you were doing with Eren? No, surely not, but was that what he was doing with you? You knew he had loved Breeze, that she had wrecked him, but maybe…just maybe some small part of you wants to hope that he’s moved on, that the coffee shop sighting was a fluke.
You shoo Sasha in Hitch’s direction, demanding she run over to apologize and make nice with Hitch, partially to save Sasha’s first shot at a real relationship in years and partially because you want to stew alone with your thoughts. Before you can get too deep into your black hole of what ifs, a familiar presence is sliding into Sasha’s seat, grinning lewdly.
You sigh; it was only a matter of time before he sought you out.
“What do you want, Forster?”
“Last name only? Ouch,” Floch places a hand over his heart, drumming the fingers of his other hand on the countertop. You recognize his demeanor immediately: pupils blown wide, buzzing to the brim with nervous energy. Floch’s always dabbled in party drugs, part of why you could only stand to be around him in small doses back when you were hooking up.
“Are you coked out right now?” Mindful of Levi’s hovering presence behind the bar, you keep your voice to a low hiss.
“So you can’t call me by my first name, but you can ask such personal questions? Jesus, you really are full of it, aren’t you?”
“Floch,” you nearly groan in frustration, “I thought I made it perfectly clear the last time I saw you that I’m not interested.”
“Why are you being so mean to me, hm?” Floch snakes a hand around your shoulders, jostling you until your face is mere inches from his. You’re more than aware of a pair of green eyes nearly boring a hole in your forehead, and you feel a pang of regret that you sent Sasha away so quickly, remembering far too late that Hitch’s table doesn’t offer a great view of where you’re seated at the bar.
“I’m not being mean,” you try to push at him, but he’s locked around you, “I’m just not interested.”
“Stop being such a bitch, Jesus Christ,” Floch finally lets you shove him away from you, but he’s far from done, “when did you get so stuck up, huh?”
“Floch. Keep your voice down, and walk away.” You try to warn him; Floch may be a pain in your ass, but you’d like to believe that he’s not a bad guy, deep down. You’re too late, however. 
Eren’s materialized between you and Floch before you can blink, before you can even get another word out. His sudden presence forces you out of your barstool, stepping around him to get a better read on what the hell he thinks he’s doing. Eren seems not to notice you trying to insert yourself between him and Floch, and the look on his face makes you step back momentarily.
He looks terrifying. Eren’s nostrils are flaring, eyes blown wide and jaw clenched tight. He’s taking full advantage of his height, glaring down at Floch with such menace that if looks could kill, Floch would already be laid out on the floor.
“Get the fuck out of here, dude. She said no.”
“What are you, her little guard dog?” Floch, infamous for never knowing what’s best for him, scoffs at Eren’s incredibly intimidating posture.
“Maybe I am,” Eren sneers, “I’m damn sure not going to sit there and let you speak to her like that.”
“Who’s this loser?” Connie’s to your right now, gesturing to Floch. You don’t miss the telltale clenching of Eren’s hands by his side, and it hits your dizzied mind what’s going on. Eren’s going to end up swinging if you don’t interfere, and Connie’s there for backup. 
“Floch, please.” You reach a feeble hand up to Floch’s chest, trying to gently push him in the other direction.
In the blink of an eye, Floch’s grabbing you by the wrist hard enough to solicit a yelp from your lips, throwing your arm away from him with a look of disgust.
“Oh, so now you want to touch me, bitch?”
No sooner has Floch’s hand released your arm than Connie’s got his arms wrapped around you, yanking you out of the crossfire. Amidst a series of gasps, Eren grabs Floch around the back of the neck, pins him face-first to the bar. 
“Jaeger!” Levi barks sharply, darting over to the scene of the commotion.
“Is that what gets you off, huh?” Eren’s nearly nose-to-nose with Floch, whose busted lip is twisted in a grimace and dribbling little bits of blood onto the varnished bartop. “Calling women bitches when they don’t want your little dick?”
“Let him go, Eren,” Armin tries to intervene, having already dashed over from his barstool. You want to back him up, but you’re frozen where you’re pinned to Connie’s chest, trembling in his arms. You know Eren’s a little rough-and-tumble, but this, seeing it in real life, is much more terrifying than you could have imagined.
“What the hell? Are you okay?” You can hear Sasha’s voice from beside you, close enough to touch but distant in comparison to where your vision is zeroed in on Eren’s grip on the back of Floch’s neck.
“Answer me!” Eren rears Floch back a few inches and slams him against the bar again. Floch curses under his breath, wriggles fruitlessly under Eren’s weight.
“Get the fuck off me, Jaeger!”
“You fucking wish,” Eren hisses, tightening his grip further, “now apologize to my girl before you make me do something I’ll regret.”
“Eren,” you find your voice again, shaking out of Connie’s grip. You fist your hands into Eren’s hoodie sleeves, tugging hard enough to get his attention. “He’s not worth it. Let him go.”
“Listen to her, Jaeger,” Levi’s already-deep voice is stained with warning.
When you pull at his sleeve a little harder, Eren turns to you, eyes still blown wide and teeth bared. It startles you, but you hold firm, setting your own jaw and shaking your head.
“Let. Him. Go. Now, Eren.” You’re not sure how you’ve managed to muster up the conviction in your voice, but you’re grateful for it, as it seems to shake Eren back into himself. Eren slowly releases Floch and in the same easy motion, he guides you behind him with one long, strong arm.
“You,” Levi points accusingly at Floch, “out.”
Floch’s jaw drops. “I didn’t even–”
“Out.” Levi’s tone leaves no room for argument, and Floch seems to understand at least that. He turns his glare back to you and Eren, scowling deeply.
“The next time I see you, Jaeger, it’s fucking over.”
“Get lost before you make me fucking embarrass you,” Eren says, voice dripping with venom. Floch shakes his head, lets his gaze land on you. A chilling smile breaks over his features.
“Next time, sweetheart.”
“Get the fuck out of here already, bro,” Connie snaps, pointing towards the exit. Floch takes his leave, sauntering towards the door with all the confidence of someone who hadn’t just been pinned against the countertop. A heavy, staticky silence falls over the bar.
“If I see you fighting in here again, it’s over.” Levi’s cold eyes fall on Eren, who nods curtly in understanding. Eren brushes his hands through his hair, rests a hand on the bun at the back of his head. Something strange is coursing through your body; something that tastes like anger, burns like heartbreak, falls bitter on your tongue like envy.
“Are you okay?” Sasha appears at your side again, wrapping an arm around your waist. “Floch’s such a psycho, I’m not even surprised he picked a fight.”
You nod numbly, eyes never leaving Eren. He finally looks back down at you, none of the heat having left his eyes.
“What the fuck was that?” It takes you a moment to realize that it’s you speaking, you throwing those words up the inches from your mouth to Eren’s. Eren’s face contorts into a frown.
“What do you mean? He was bothering you, wasn’t he?”
“So you try to fight him?” You seethe. Maybe it is anger, this bizarre, foreign emotion tingling at the tips of your fingers. No, that’s not quite it, you’re not angry you’re just…confused. Hurt that Eren’s frolicking around with Breeze, doing whatever he pleases, and yet, he’s jumping into bar fights to save you from the tangible evidence of your past.
“What do you expect me to do when someone talks to you like that?” Eren hisses back, eyes narrowed.
Sasha’s backed away from the two of you now; you’re aware of your friends staring at you, noses scrunched as they try to figure out exactly what’s happening now. You wish you had an answer to give them, but all you can muster is this heartache shooting out of your mouth in the form of daggers.
“I don’t need you,” you spit, “I don’t need your protection.”
“It didn’t exactly look like you had that handled,” Eren scoffs, rolling his eyes.
“Oh, and what are you? My knight in shining fucking armor? Don’t you have other damsels in distress waiting for you?” It’s too far, you know that as soon as the words leave your mouth, but the liquid courage Sasha had insisted upon is making your tongue sharper than you’d anticipated.
Eren rears back from where he’s hunched to meet you on your level, nostrils flaring again. Before you can utter another word, he’s got an arm thrown around your shoulders none-too-gently, practically dragging your stumbling feet towards the exit.
“Outside.”
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rogersideup · 8 months
Text
Nice to be Kneaded
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Chapter 15
Everything will be Okay
series masterlist
Previous part: Cinnamon Roll Next Part: Crawl Home to You
Word Count: 6,979
Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Mentions of medical equipment, loss, abuse, PTSD, anxiety and depression.
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"This is the worst thing I've ever done" Steve complained, puffing out short winded breaths as he worked at the table opposite you.
He decided he wanted to learn how to bake bread after watching you do it so many times. The patiences and techniques behind the art intrigued him, and there was no one better to learn from than you, the best of the best.
You laughed as you watched him struggle to knead the dough on the floured counter facing yours. His cheeks were turning pink and his dough was still shaggy and lumpy, he was completely envious of yours already becoming smooth and bouncy. "Don't look at mine, it's unfair to you. I have experience, comparison is going to kill all your confidence."
"My arms hurt" Steve emphasized.
"Your arms pulled an in-flight helicopter into the top of a building, and single handedly ended World War II. I'm pretty sure they can handle an artisan loaf, Baby." You smiled.
"How long have we been kneading?" He puffed out.
You peaked at the clock, "mmmm, 3 minutes."
"How long do we need to do this?"
"Usually 10"
"Okay, well, you must have arms of steel because this is impossible."
"I believe in you!" You encouraged him. "Use the heels of your palms, push the dough out then pull it back. You can even go diagonally, side to side."
"You're not even out of breath?" He noted in disbelief. "I feel like I'm asthmatic again."
"Do you need an inhaler? I'm sure I can find you one" A giggle slipped past your lips.
"You're a super soldier." Steve stated, his arms coming to a stand still to take a break. "There's no way someone can just do this."
"Here, let's swap. I got a good start on this one so it'll be easier for you." You said walking over to his side of the table, and taking over his dough while he moved over to yours.
"See, much easier. Now I'm a bread master!" He exclaimed, working with your dough that was already almost completely smooth rather than his shaggy mess.
"I knew you could do it! Great job, Stevie" You smiled.
"Thank you, thank you." He accepted your compliment.
A comfortable silence fell between you two as the sound of music filled your ears, you were obviously very concentrated on fixing the monstrosity of a dough pile Steve had left you.
It was sticking to every square inch of your hands, yet also incredibly crumbly and dry. You had no idea how he even went about creating such a substance, but you sure as hell were going to make it work, and you definitely weren't going to say anything about it.
He knew it wasn't correct, it was written all over your face but that made him happy. Watching you try to work with the crumbly goo with furrowed eyebrows and a smile that you tried to hold back warmed his heart, you were always so kind and encouraging.
"So..." Steve broke the silence.
"So?" You acknowledged.
"I was thinking."
"Oh gosh, that's scary..." You joked.
"Our anniversary passed not too long ago..." He mentioned, causing you to look up at him with a fond look on your face.
"That was six months ago" You pointed out, unsure if not too long was the proper description of how much time had actually passed.
Once all of the scary bumps that came along with establishing a new relationship were smoothed out, unlike the dough beneath your hands, your relationship with Steve was so smooth it glided by effortlessly and fast.
The concept of time since the blip in general felt quite odd, it felt like five years had passed by in the blink of an eye, yet the way of living with only half the population was so normal and routine now you couldn't imagine a time in which you lived a normal life before the blip.
That's exactly how you felt about your time with Steve as well. He moved in permanently next door, then before you knew it his lease was up and he moved in to your house. The spaces that were once yours were now yours and Steve's.
Four and a half years deep into your official relationship with the man and you couldn't even remember a time in which his easel wasn't always displaying a half completed work of art in the corner of the living room and there wasn't a Captain America suit tucked away in the very back of the closet, hiding away in a garment bag.
The two of you created the simple, care free life of your dreams. One in which the biggest struggle you faced on the daily basis was keeping the bakery stocked despite the ever growing crowds, and missing Steve whenever he was away on business to the compound in New York.
"So our anniversary is coming up!"'He enthused.
You laughed at his change of words, "only six months away!"
"Can you believe that four and a half years ago I waltzed in here for a cookie, and that simple choice single handedly changed both of our lives?" He questioned.
"Wow, kneading bread makes you so philosophical." You noted. "What a great choice you made, just goes to show that cookies really are the better part of life."
"You're the better part of my life, sunflower." He purposely cheesed causing you to look back up at him once more.
"How sweet" You acknowledged. "If my hands weren't covered in dough I'd reach up and boop your nose."
He laughed while he continued kneading your loaf that he was definitely going to claim as his now. "Maybe we could spend our half-anniversary in New York?"
Steve was going through a phase in which you could've never ever predicted, he hated going up to the compound now. He dreaded work trips, he hated how cold his room in the compound always seemed to feel, he despised all the memories that came to mind when he walked around.
From what you could understand through multiple conversations about this, he just didn't like being away from you. Being away from you when the blip happened and having no control over your arrest traumatized him in a way he would never admit, but in a way you could see in his eyes every time he had to leave town.
Regardless of what it was that made him resent the compound so much, you knew that it was a whole lot easier for him when you tagged along. So now he found a lot of creative reasons to try and drag you to New York.
Each reason was more creative than the last, and you said yes every single time he asked. At this point in your relationship, you were pretty sure you've spent over four months time in New York and it was starting to feel like a second home.
"You know you don't really need a reason to get me to New York right?" You smiled. "I'd love to spend our half anniversary with you, and I'll go with you to wherever you need to go."
"But coming up with a reason is half the fun" Steve admitted.
"Is this fun?" You questioned, motioning to the dough in your hands.
"This is exhausting!" He answered honestly, earning a laugh from you.
"You know what I love about going to the compound with you?"
"That Nat is there?" He questioned.
"That I get to learn about all the cool things you do for once. It's like going to the Avengers bakery and kneading the Captain America loaf!" You explained. "But yeah, I do love seeing Nat."
Steve giggled at your analogy, loving every second of watching your skillful hands try their absolute hardest to make his faulty dough pile work. "I'm always worried that you might be bored whenever I drag you with me."
"Bored?!" You emphasized. "My love, I'm a civilian in the Avengers compound. There's absolutely nothing boring about that."
"Okay, so next week you'll come with me?" He asked just to make sure.
"Of course" you reassured.
"Woohoo!" He shook his shoulders and hips in a little happy dance, hands sill focused on the dough. "Best day ever!"
You laughed at his response, "if this is the best day ever, then I think we should get out more."
"Okay, now is your chance to be honest with me." Steve prompted. "Does that dough lump have any potential at all of becoming anything close to a loaf of bread?"
"You know I love you very, very much?" You smiled, batting your eyelashes.
"Of course I do." Steve giggled.
"We're gonna have to squish this." You told him honestly. "But the bright side is that you're doing so well kneading that loaf, it'll be the prettiest, glutinous loaf to ever come out of this kitchen!"
"You said that so nicely, I'm not even upset about it" Steve shrugged, prompting you to smile.
You walked over to him and rocked up on your tippy toes before smacking a kiss to his cheek. "You're wonderful, we'll try again soon."
Before you knew it, you were right back in New York, smack dap in the compound. Whenever you were here you completely understood that Steve was here to work, so you never expected him to keep you entertained by any means. So you always brought your laptop and took care of business from the comfort of his room or the living room depending on what him and Nat were up to that day.
And 100% of the times you stepped foot into the Avengers home, whoever was lingering around always asked for you to bake them something, and you were always happy to say yes.
This particular night, Nat requested a chocolate chip cheesecake. After going to the store to get everything you needed, making all the parts and popping it in the oven, you started to do the dishes.
Muscular forearms wrapped around your stomach from behind, and the front of Steve's body warmly pressed against your back.
"How's it going, baby?" He questioned.
"Good, almost done in here." You responded while enjoying every second of his embrace. "How are you? Sleepy?"
"So tired." He confirmed. "I have a few hours of work left to get ready for the support group tomorrow but I think Nat is wrapping up for the night. You'll be okay?"
"Of course, I still have to input payroll and enter the supply delivery invoice for the bakery so I have plenty to do." You grinned, wiping your hands off so you could turn around to face him. When you did, you couldn't help but to admire him. His hair, his cute outfit, the fond yet tired look in his eyes. Reaching up, you squeezed his shoulders to try and relax his tense posture as his hands made their way to your hips. "You're so beautiful."
His cheeks turned pink before dropping his head onto your shoulder. "You're beautiful-er."
"Why does it have to be a competition? Just accept your handsomeness and move on" You giggled at his shyness, even after four and a half years together.
"Becauseeeee" he complained. "I'm lucky to have you, and I'm so happy you're here. Then, you're always really nice to me and all the people here that I love and I just can't even process how sweet you are."
You smiled before you both mutually leaned in for a kiss. "I promise you that I feel like the lucky one."
"Impossible." He shook his head in denial with his cheeks stilly adorably rosy. "Thank you for baking for us."
"Anytime, you know I love it."
Steve nodded in agreement. "I'll see you in a few hours?"
"I'll be here." You gave his shoulders another good squeeze. "We'll get those pretty eyes of yours some good rest."
By the time Steve finished up work and made his way back to the living quarters, it was already way past the bedtime he subconsciously made for himself to keep up with living with a baker. 10 at night felt like he had pulled an all nighter, and it seems as though that's how you felt as well considering he found you and Nat asleep on the couch.
Empty plates on the coffee table with Oreo crumbs being the only evidence of the cheesecake you made hours prior, and a movie that Steve had never even heard of playing on the TV provided the only source of light in the big space.
You and Nat had obviously gotten close and comfortable with each other, the shared blanket across your laps and your head plunked over onto Nat's shoulder with her head on top of yours made Steve smile and feel endlessly happy.
As much as you loved Nat, Steve knew Nat needed every drop of love and friendship you could give her. You both knew she was struggling ever since the blip, she spent every waking moment trying to monitor the world and find a solution. Steve didn't even know she was capable of settling down enough for even just a few hours to be able to fall asleep while watching a movie in the first place. You weren't just his sunflower, but everyone's who was lucky enough to earn your love.
Though he hated to break up the adorable scene in front of him, he was just as tired as the two of you evidently were and knew he should get you to bed.
He started by waking up Nat considering you were stuck beneath her. She was a light sleeper so it didn't take more than gently shaking her arm to wake her up, and she came to her senses quickly enough to immediately recognize what Steve was about to do.
"Good morning." Nat grinned, not lifting her head from the top of yours.
"Morning." Steve smiled. "Any chance I could get my girl back so I can send you two off to bed?"
"No. She's mine now." Nat denied. "Shes so cute and cuddly like a little puppy."
"You can have her back in the morning, but if she doesn't get some real sleep she gets a little grumpy." Steve bargained.
"Fine, but she's mine tomorrow. We're gonna go run some errands and grab lunch together."
"That sounds great, you could use a few hours away from this place." Steve encouraged.
"Just for that comment, I'm staying home." Nat joked.
"I will literally pay for both of you to go get your nails done if that means you'll get some fresh, non recirculated air." Steve sassed.
"A manicure and I get to take your girl out? Sign me up." She continued joking.
"The only conditions are that you go get some sleep and let me have nighttime custody of her so that she can get some sleep too."
"You're such a dad." She stated while carefully nudging your head off of her shoulder, then slowly standing up when she had successfully moved you off of her.
"Can I get you anything before you head off to bed?" Steve checked in.
"No, I'm okay. Thank you." She approached him and squeezed his shoulder before he just pulled her in for a hug anyways. "Goodnight, Rogers."
"Night, Romanoff." He reciprocated before letting go and she walked off into her room.
Now, he had you. His precious little lump on the couch. The dishes on the coffee table could be taken care of in the morning, and the TV would auto shut off in an hour or two. So he picked you up and held you tightly in his arms, and you immediately snuggled into neck.
He could tell you woke up at some point considering you started leaving little kisses to his exposed skin before he made it to his room. You were already in your pajamas ready to go, so he gently laid your down on the bed before he changed into some pajama shorts and brushed his teeth before laying down next to you.
Surprisingly, you were still awake and quick to pull the blankets over the two of you as you settled into each other. Appreciating the warmth of his soft bare skin, you laid your head on his chest and wrapped your arm tightly around his stomach, hand resting on the side of his rib cage.
You placed a little kiss to his collar bone before propping yourself up a bit on your arm to spark up a conversation you needed to get off your mind before you could truly get some restful sleep.
"How was the rest of your day, honey?" You questioned as one of his hands slipped up the back of your crewneck, the other drew little circles onto your hip.
"It was okay, pretty routine." He responded softly. "How's Nat doing?"
"That poor girl needs to get a life away from all of this." You sighed.
"I know" Steve nodded in agreement. "It's really hard to take a step back when you feel directly responsible, but it's not healthy. I've been encouraging her to get out more but she doesn't listen."
"I invited her to stay with us in Greenwood in a few weeks, hopefully she takes me up on that." You moved your hand up to his chest.
"That would be really fun." Steve grinned. "Did you have fun tonight?"
"Mhm, I mostly worked the whole time though." You admitted. "I actually wanted to talk to you about something before we sleep."
"What's going on?" He asked, you could tell he was paying a little closer attention now.
"So I ran some numbers on profit and what not, and just for shits and giggles I reached out to my lender and contractor to see if this was even a possibility when I had the idea but now that it's looking very possible, I wanted to see how you felt about this..."
"About what?" He raised an eyebrow in anticipation.
"What would you think about me opening a second location of the bakery?" You asked.
His face immediately lit up in a big smile. "Darling, that's incredible! You should absolutely do it if you feel comfortable enough."
"I do feel really good about it." You confirmed. His happy response made your heart soar. When you first opened Nice to be Kneaded, your last partner ridiculed you every single day. He thought the idea of owning a business would simply be too much of a challenge for you. He told you that you'd never succeed, that it would go under and cause debts for the rest of your life. Though you were at a point in your relationship with Steve where you never doubted his ability to be a kind person, his kindness still made you happy every single day. "The reason I really wanted to ask you is because I was advised the best location to break ground in would be New York."
His big smile grew even wider, and the corners of his eyes crinkled with adorable smile lines. "Are you for real?"
"Yeah" you giggled at his response.
"That makes me so happy!" He pouted his lip and furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm so proud of you."
"So I take it that you think this is a good idea?" The smile never left your face.
"I think it's the best idea you've ever had." He exaggerated.
"Then I guess I'll give it the green light first thing tomorrow morning." You settled the issue then settled back into his body.
The two of you talked for a little while about what life would look like with another bakery in New York. Both of you traveled back and forth so often now that dividing your time between two places was already second nature. He even pitched getting the two of you an apartment somewhere between the city and the compound so you both felt more at home when away from Greenwood. Though you loved the idea, you encouraged him to let all these thoughts settle for a day or two until you had a better idea on the logistics of this new endeavor. Besides, it was already late and you were both tired, there was nothing you could even arrange until the morning.
Though you felt settled and completely relaxed snuggled up to him, you played with his hair and tried to get him to relax too. You could feel his tension, but it was normal. No matter how exhausted he was, if he was at the compound his mind was busy and never quite turned off. His thoughts shifted from the happy thoughts of a future where the two of you hopped from bakery to bakery, big city Avenging to a small town simple life to something that had nothing to do with the sweet girl in bed giving him the most delightful cuddles he could've ever wanted.
You knew he was enjoying spending time with you even if his mind was up in the clouds, his hand that never stopped drawing shapes into your back told you that loud and clear.
"What are you thinking about, love?" You asked.
He let out a sigh and his eyes never left the ceiling, then his lips pressed into a straight line, then a forced grin and he finally looked at you. "What do we do if we can't find a way to undo what Thanos did?"
"What do we do," You motioned to the two of you "or what do the Avengers do?"
"Both. Either." He said, desperate to hear the right answer he couldn't find.
"Well I think both have the same answer." You shrugged. "Acceptance, then moving on."
He gave you the most adorable stink eye you've ever seen, so cute you had to hold back a giggle. "Why does everyone say that?"
"You preach it every time you hold a support group, no?" You questioned.
"That's different."
"How so?"
"Civilians aren't responsible for what happened, they deserve to live their lives exactly how they would if this never happened." He explained.
Whenever he spoke about the situation, you could feel a genuine pain in your chest. His feelings about the snap were like a rollercoaster. Some days, he could see the benefits, he could almost understand why Thanos did what he did. He could go about his day with acceptance, go to sleep with the intention of continuing to rebuild tomorrow. Then sometimes he'd wake up that next morning feeling the weight of every blipped person on his shoulders. As if he was the one who decided this needed to happen. That weight seemed to double every time he was in New York.
So with an ache in your heart, you tried to put a bandage over his. "Right now are you looking for the truth, or are you looking for reassurance?"
He groaned at your level-headedness, before shoving his face into your neck. "I'm looking for anything or anyone to just tell me it's going to be okay."
Understanding now that he needed reassurance instead of actual logical advice, you caressed the back of his head with your hand and used your other arm to hold him safe and sound against you. "Of course it's going to be okay, sweet boy.
"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be so... grim, I just- I have to be strong all day every day for everyone else and sometimes you're the only one who can be strong for me." He admitted.
You kissed the top of his head a few times before providing the words he probably really needed to hear. "Life was okay yesterday, and the day before that, and it'll continue being okay tomorrow, and every day after that just like it has been for the past five years. Nobody blames you for what happened, and all of you guys deserve to move on too, not just civilians. The ground is still under your feet, the sky is still above your head and I'll never leave your side. The sun and moon are still taking turns, so I'm pretty confident when I say that everything is fine."
"That was great" Steve mumbled into your neck.
"Yeah? You feel any better?" You questioned with a smile.
"Mhm, I'm gonna use that in the support group tomorrow."
You smiled, though he couldn't see it before squeezing the back of his neck. "I love you, you're not going to bring back half the population from bed."
"I love you too, should I get up?"
"Go to sleep" You whispered directly into his ear, earning his sweet laugh that you loved so much.
"You first, traitor." Steve said playfully.
"Traitor?! Why am I a traitor?" You asked, feigning offense.
"You we're cuddling Natasha and not me." Steve fake cried.
You laughed before stating "Excuse me?! You've kissed Nat before, so I don't want to hear anything about my cuddles, sir!"
"Ugh?!" Steve was immediately taken back. "She kissed me and it was for a mission! Don't even start with that!"
You couldn't help but continue laughing at how flustered that statement made him. "Poor, Stevie! Your cheeks are so pink."
"I miss 10 seconds ago when you didn't bring that up." He pouted, a smile prevailing past his attempts to pretend like this conversation wasn't funny. "It was a life or death escape situation and we've never done anything romantic since then, okay?"
"I'm not bothered, baby" You continued smiling while prying his hands away from covering his face. "Were your bothered by our cuddles?"
"No, not at all." He denied. "I actually thought it was really adorable, I was just joking."
"And I think it's really cute that you and Nat shared a smooch" You pinched his cheek between two fingers.
"She implied that I was a bad kisser, by the way." Steve giggled. "So, neither of us enjoyed that experience."
You laughed at the confession before cooing, "awww poor, Stevie. Did that hurt your pride?"
"It wasn't a fair assessment, I wasn't ready for it." He defended himself.
"Exactly, you're a great kisser." You smoothed over the review that obviously stuck around with him for a while. "I know from experience!"
"Thanks, Baby. I appreciate your input on the matter." He gave your hip a nice squeeze.
"I'll be sure to talk to Nat about it in the morning to try and sway her opinions on it ." You joked.
"Absolutely do not do that" His eyebrows raised in horror.
You laughed once more before cupping his face and laying a long one on him. "I would never."
"Good, cause I think the sleepiness has taken over the both of our brains and made us a little crazy." He smiled.
You rested your head back onto its rightful spot on his shoulder, your hand rested over his heart and his free hand that wasn't on your back lovingly wrapped around your wrist. "Are you going to be able to shut your brain off long enough to fall asleep?"
"Of course" He appeased your worries about him. "I always sleep well when you're with me. You're like a little sleeping pill, the second you fall asleep on me, you put me to sleep too."
"Cheese ball" You poked fun at him with a content smile as you closed your eyes and wrapped the blankets tighter around the both of you.
"I might be cheesy, but I always will be. And I'm proud of it!" He agreed.
"I love it so much." You admitted. "And I love you so much."
"I love you too." He kissed the top of your head. "Goodnight, Sunflower."
"Sweet dreams, Stevie."
Not even two whole minutes of silence and attempts at sleeping went by before Steve gasped.
"Wait... are you asleep?" He asked, using his hands to dramatically shake you. "Wake up! This is important!"
"I'm awake, I'm awake!" You alerted his urgency. "Jeez dude, you're scrambling my brain."
"Oh good! You're awake!" He said. You didn't have to see his face to know he was wearing a big sarcastic smile. Steve's favorite hobby was definitely being a little shit.
"What a blessing." You mumbled.
"I forgot to ask you out on a date tomorrow night!" He enthused.
"Sorry dude, I think we're better just as friends." You carried on the tradition of your favorite inside joke.
"Sooooooo... should I cancel the engagement ring?" He quipped.
Recently the two of you were talking about getting married a lot, and if there was two things you both agreed on it's that a marriage was definitely in the books for the two of you soon, and that being engaged should never be truly be a surprise. Sure, time and place of the proposal as a surprise was the fun part, but both of you setting clear intentions and a well timed future that flowed at a comfortable pace for the two of you was important.
"A date sounds great!" You overly enthused.
"Great! I made dinner reservations without asking first so I'm glad you said yes."
"Risky business, Rogers." You smiled.
"Okay now go to sleep." He giggled.
"You first..." You poked his chest with very low effort.
When the morning came, you were up and out way before Steve was to start your morning with Nat. She wanted to get back to the compound before a planned call with affiliates of the Avengers, so the two of you snuck out before most of the compound was awake. Much like most mornings when you woke up before Steve, you covered him up with the blankets nice and snug, kissed him goodbye, and wished him a great day.
A nice long walk and chat followed by coffee, breakfast, and a nice relaxing manicure had Nat feeling brand new.
You dropped her off at the compound then left again to meet up with a friend of yours that lived pretty close by. While catching up on each others lives for a few hours, Steve called you.
Figuring he didn't realize you were busy, you denied the call to clue him in to text you instead. You often times did this if he needed to get through to you at work. But this time, your sunflower necklace lit up four times, a number that didn't have a code attached, then your phone rang again.
Figuring it was probably important, you excused yourself and quickly picked up the call.
"Hi, baby." You spoke timidly into the phone.
"Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt I know you're busy." He sighed. You could tell by his tone that his brain was fried.
"No worries, is everything okay?" You questioned.
"Remember Scott Lang? Ant-Man?" He asked.
"Yeah, yeah I do." You nodded though he couldn't see you. "He was blipped right?"
"You see, that's the weird part." Steve puffed out a confused chuckle. "He's at the compound. He just... showed up."
"What?!" You said louder than you probably should, earning weird looks from strangers around you.
"Yeah, he was stuck in the quantum realm and now he's here, and we think-" He started but cut himself off to think about how he was going to phrase this without worrying you.
But the pause was deafening. "You think what?"
"I think you should make your way back here whenever you're done with your friend so we can talk about it more."
"That sounds so scary" You admitted.
"No, everything is fine. I promise." He reassured you.
"Should I come home right now?"
"No, baby, it's okay" He tried to calm you down once again. "Nothing to be anxious about. I just think we need to visit Tony and get a few other ducks in a line and I want to make sure I can get you someplace safe before we start looking into this more."
"So you guys found some good hope?" You asked, this time with a smile knowing that's exactly what Steve needed.
"A lot of hope and possibly the craziest pipe dream of all time, but we can get into that when you get here, okay?"
"Okay" You sighed. "Everyone's okay?"
"Everyone is fine." Steve smiled. "I want you to keep having fun with your friend. I'll see you later."
"See you soon. Love you"
"Love you too."
Though he tried his hardest to reassure you that everything was fine, you couldn't clear your head of the endless possibilities of what this could mean for the future of the whole universe. Those thoughts didn't even allow you to fully appreciate or give your undivided attention to your friend, so you called it a day as soon as you could. And when you arrived back at the compound, you immediately spotted Steve sitting outside on a bench.
You could tell his mind was occupied by a billion racing thoughts, his breathing was steady and there was a pinch in his brows.
Approaching slowly and sitting next to him, he wrapped you up in a side hug before kissing your temple and letting you go. "What's going on, Honey?"
He sighed in appreciation as your hand found its way to his back, rubbing long, firm strips up and down to comfort him. "We think we can time travel."
"What?" Your hand stopped in place.
"Go back in time before Thanos, get the stones from a bunch of different points in time, snap again." Steve explained like it was the most simple idea in the world.
"But..... how?" You we're blown away by the possibility, but the biggest part of you was terrified of what that meant for him, the world, and the entire future.
"Something to do with pym particles and a quantum tunnel, I don't really understand it." Steve explained, his mind was wandering miles away from him. "We have Bruce en route to work on that, but we're going to get Tony. Try to assemble the whole team again."
You didn't quite have the words at the moment, nor the time to even process this as a possibility. Whenever you couldn't quite grasp a concept that was much larger than you, but whenever you felt so tiny in the vastness of the universe, Steve was always there to put you on his shoulders and make you feel big again. "How do you feel about this?"
"I feel ready to just get it done." He explained.
"Are you scared?" You plopped your head down onto his shoulder, he nestled his cheek into the crown of your head.
"No" He denied softly. "Are you?"
"If you're not then I'm not" You smiled. That was a lie, but you always tried to not burden him with your own fears.
Though letting him out of your grasp and straight into battles often appeared in your own nightmares, you reeled in your feelings as to not disrupt his own peace. As often as you wanted to tell him to be careful, beg him not to do risky things like go to space in a ship being piloted by a raccoon to kill a titan that killed half the universe, you trusted him. His entire life was rich with risk assessment that only made him more and more successful the more he lived.
So if he wasn't scared, you'd try not to be either.
"Well, maybe that's a lie. Maybe I am a little scared." Steve retracted his statement.
"Well shit" You joked, earning a laugh from the sweet man.
"I'm scared it's not going to work, and I'm scared of putting anything on the line when my only goal for the future is a life with you." He admitted. "Everything else, I'm not scared of."
This time, your arms wrapped him up and didn't let him go. He was letting his Steve Rogers shine through in a place you typically only saw Captain America. Though he would argue that those two people were the same, you thought he was so very wrong.
Steve was still the little guy he once was. Sensitive and gentle, he'd cry over videos of cute animals doing cute things, decorate cookies with you and asked to be cuddled for as long as he could get you to stay still. But Cap... Cap was strong. Nothing could tear him down. When the uniform was on or public and teammates eyes were on him, he had to be the leader. He stood tall, refused to shed a tear regardless of any circumstance thrown his way. Everyone looked at him to guide them through.
You loved both versions of him, and both were truthful of his character, but it was also true that Steve was a version of himself he was only comfortable showing to the people he loved the most.
So you gave Cap the space he needed to be firm and strong, and gave Steve the space he needed to be vulnerable. Sometimes that looked like a little snuggle on a bench outside of the Avengers compound.
Very surface level and as deep down as could be, he knew that Cap couldn't be the fighter he was without you nurturing Steve. He was strong because you were compassionate, and everyday he amounted his power to you.
"I love you so very much," you started.
"But?" He raised an eyebrow, already anticipating the kicker.
"But doing this is exactly what you need in order for you to live the life you want." You explained. "You and I both know you'd live the entire rest of your life with guilt if the Avengers don't find a way to fix this. And though I don't agree that any of this is your fault, I know you feel that burden every single day. So in a certain way, I think for once, this is a great fight for yourself."
He sat and considered it for a second. "I don't have it in me to fight for myself, so I'm going to consider this a fight for you."
"A happy, relaxing future with you is all I want." You kindled his fire. Though you wished he could fight for himself, any incentive to get him through would work in this moment. "And i'd love to see Sam again and meet Bucky."
"I miss them so much" Steve stated, you could hear the sadness in his voice.
You lifted your head to give him a kiss. Your soft lips mingled for a little while before pulling away and resting your forehead against his. "Everything is going to be okay."
"I think so too" He agreed.
"And if it doesn't pan out the way you all hope, then I hope you know that everything will be okay that way too."
"Well that's not an option." He gently shook his head.
"Hard headed!" You pulled away and raised your hand to gently poke him right in the center of his forehead. He laughed, knowing his words would irritate you. "You drive me crazy!"
"I love driving you crazy" His smile prevailed.
"Really? I couldn't tell." You said sarcastically, feeling the effects of his contagious smile.
"And I'd love it even more if I can keep annoying you on our date tonight." He brought up.
"Stevie" Your face softened. "We can reschedule that if you need to, you know I understand."
"No, I definitely don't want to cancel that." He denied firmly. "Not to bring up the past or anything, but the last time I rescheduled a date it didn't turn out too well for me."
"Awwwww" You cooed. "Classic Cap history"
"Yeah, and we're rewriting it because I'm not doing that again" he said with a chuckle.
"I'm more than happy to help you out with that" You agreed, giving his leg a little squeeze. "How's Scott doing? I'm sure this is a lot to process."
"He seems to be doing alright, but that leads me to something Nat and I talked about that I wanted to present to you."
"What's up?"
"It's no secret that you're kind've one of the most amazing and comforting humans alive, and we were supposed to go home in 2 days but..." He took a moment to find the right words. "I'm my best when you're around, and whether you've noticed or not, everyone is happier when you're here. So we were wondering if you could stay a little longer just to kinda help keep spirits up. I know you have the bakery at home but it could be a pretty crucial part in saving half the world."
"I can't imagine I'd have any crucial part in any of that, but I'll stay for you alone." You giggled.
"Obviously I'll bring you home before the time travel happens because it's such unknown territory, I'd want you far away from the compound. But we're going to bring everyone we've got here, including Thor who we heard is going through a rough patch. I think your love would go a far way."
"And cookies" You grinned.
"Cookies would definitely help."
"Can Rocket eat chocolate chips?" You pondered.
"He's a raccoon, not a dog." Steve reminded you.
"That doesn't answer my question." You eyebrow raised. "What about Nebula? Do cyborgs eat food? Ooh! I know Bruce likes chocolate, and Tony likes hazelnut because they had those Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavors so maybe I'll make Nutella cookies so it's the best of both worlds. Do you know what Rhodey likes? I have Nat covered. Thor probably li-"
"Baby, Baby" Steve cut you off with a giggle. "Don't stress yourself out now. You're not here to take care of us, just keep being you"
"This is me." You laughed. "Have you ever seen me not like this?"
"You know what? That's fair." He agreed.
"Ooh! And I bet Nat knows exactly what Clint would want!" You chirped. "...I should call the bakery..."
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Next Part: Crawl Home to You
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fluffysucker · 9 months
Text
4. In my defense, I have none
Bucky Barnes x Reader (AU)
TW: Talk about miscarriage. illusion to smut.
A/N: Written in Third POV. No use of Y/N. However, the reader is referred to as a female.
If you can't tell already, this chapter is heavily influenced by Folklore by Taylor Swift. I used so many song lyrics throughout the chapter. Lmk if you found them all.
PS: it's folklore. Get ready. Also, I'm NOT defending Bucky
Likes, comments, reblogs are VERY VERY highly appreciated. Opinions really matter to me
Series Masterlist  
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You should have never let it reach here. It should have been just a one-time thing. A mistake. A slip.
However, you found yourself stuck in this dilemma more times than you wanted.
After that day in the house, it happened more frequently. Whenever the kids were asleep. If the kids were having a sleepover at either of their aunts or uncles. Even as far as when the kids were at school.
Both of you were missing each other too much. It was making up for lost time. All the time, you should have been holding each other, but you weren't even talking.
The fire between you was burning flames. Not caring, it might burn you instead.
You were happy to have a part of him back. Every time, you would tell yourself, This is the last. Yet you would fall in bed with him.
And he wasn't helping at all. Saying all the things you want to hear. Fulfilling all your needs Knowing exactly how to get you so pouty in his hands.
"You're doing so good for me, doll."
"Look at you. So beautiful and pretty."
"The best mama, my woman."
"Mine. All mine."
All the stuff you so desperately missed from him
And it wasn't just this. Every time you were done, he wouldn't leave right away. From the first time, he would stay for a bit longer. Holding you. Cuddling you to his chest Drawing circles on your skin Praising you.
He satisfied every need you had. The need to be touched. The need to be loved. The need. to be taken care of. The need to be with him.
Despite not having any real conversation about your current situation, you fooled yourself into thinking that it was Bucky's way of telling you to start over. That he always belonged to you.
It was just so pretty to think that all along there were some invisible strings tying you to him.
However, whenever your mind took control again, you would see how messed up the situation was. You were divorced for a reason. He didn't want you anymore. So why were you keeping his bed warm?
That is why every time you said you would stop, you would reserve some of your dignity. You would end it, but he would show up and look at you like you had hung the moon and the stars. You would fall again.
Bucky didn't know any better either. Letting his feelings take over. His primal need to have you be his
He was aware of how selfish he was. But the reason he left was never you. He never stopped loving you. He could never stop loving you. He would die for you in secret.
Would it be enough if he could never give you peace?
This predicament was what led you right where you are. lying on his chest after he tore your body apart at his new apartment. Rebecca, Bucky's sister, planned a trip for her kids and yours. You suggested tagging along, but she refused, telling you that you needed the break. She didn't think you would spend your break with her brother.
If you closed your eyes right now, you could imagine what would happen if nothing had changed. Bucky was still your husband. Your man. The intimacy was so familiar. The feeling of his arms around you and his breath over your face, the soft kisses on your hair Your own little heaven
The buzzing of the phone scattered your peaceful bubble. Bucky reached for his phone, and a little laugh erupted from him. You shouldn't have asked him about it. Nothing could have prepared him for his next words.
"Clint is making sure I won't stand this girl he has been so bent over setting up together."
The blood ran cold in your vessels. Dreed filled your body. You could hear the sound of your heart breaking into a million pieces.
Have you really meant so little to him?
Bucky was the love of your life, and he was planning dates while you laid with him. How did it get here?
Bucky had the audacity to pull you closer to him after putting his phone down. With what little is left of your dignity. You pushed him and got up to dress up and leave. Every fiber in your being was begging you to crawl on the bed and cry, but now wasn't the time.
"Where are you going?" Bucky asked, confused about the change in mood. He wanted to hold you a bit more.
"I'm leaving. So you could get ready for your date." You were proud of yourself for disguising the bitterness in your voice. You had shown him enough.
"It's not until 7 in the evening." The audacity was infuriating. Is he acting stupid, or is he really clueless?
You couldn't be in the same room with him anymore. You took your bag and rushed to the front door.
"Doll, what's wrong?" He followed you and reached for your arm, but you moved away quickly.
"Nothing. Have fun on your date." This time you couldn’t help it. 
"C'mon, doll. I'm just going for Clint. I already plan to tell her it won't work." This was your last straw.
"And why won't it work?" You turned to him, hurt in your eyes and venom lacing your voice.
"Because you're sleeping with your ex-wife and your kids' mother." The pain was too much for you to stay quiet for longer.
"Well, in that case, you should try to make it work because it's not happening again." You finally said it.
"Wait. Why?." Bucky never wanted this to stop. He didn't want to lose you. Again.
"Can't you really see what's wrong here? Do you really think what we are doing is normal?" You couldn't believe him. Is he that delusional?
"But I want you." It was the truth. But it was a harmful one.
"You want me, or do you want to keep sleeping with me?" The question, which you tried so hard to keep at the back of your brain, rushed into your words.
"Of course not. I only ever wanted you." Bucky never meant for you to doubt yourself. His actions weren't helping, but his intentions were to never hurt you.
"You left me."
"Not because I stopped loving you."
"And that's way worse."
You were finally having this conversation. The one you delayed for so long
"You left because you got bored. The role of the husband got too much for you."
"And how do you expect me to believe you loved me when everything tells me you were going to leave anyway?."
"I wasn't. I just couldn't do it anymore. I thought I was able to get over my old issues and keep going, but I couldn't."
"You couldn't talk to me. Couldn't reach out. Couldn't try to figure out a way to solve it. No, you chose to walk out on me because you couldn't commit anymore. Yet here we are. Look at us."
"Because I can't let go."
"But you can divorce me."
Bucky had no answer to this. His commitment issues got the better of him. He shouldn't have married you in the first place if he was going to leave anyway. He shouldn't have promised to stay forever and then walked away. And he was aware of it all. He could hear it all. But nothing could have prepared him for your next words.
"I was pregnant."
It fell from your tongue. It's so hard to say. So hard to listen. But he had to know. He had to know the sacrifices you made for him.
"I was so happy. I thought this was our chance to mend what was broken. And I didn't even know what was broken. When I went to tell you, you said you were busy and left. When you came back. You didn't even bother to ask me what I wanted."
"I thought you learned to read my mind. You noticed nothing. Not the morning sickness. Not the fatigue. Not the mood swings. Not my first trimester meal. Nothing. I gave so many signs. You didn't even see the signs."
"So when you brought out the divorce, I agreed. I was so hurt."
Bucky didn't want to believe you. He knew he was distant in the last months of your marriage. But was he really that bad? To the point he couldn't hear his wife's distress calls? He was so focused on his own problems that he almost neglected your presence. The only person who truly loved him
"If you had told me, I..."
"You would have stayed. Because you got tired of being a husband and not a father. You would have stayed for the kids, but you would have hated me. We would have been miserable. I had to make the choice. I had to choose for my kids to have a good father over anything."
It was no surprise how selfless you were. Choosing him and the kids over yourself was second nature to you.
"I was going to tell you after the divorce. I was going to tell you that I just found out. So even if you asked, I would turn down getting back together."
"But the pain was too much. The stress of losing my husband The self-doubt. There were too many questions I didn't have answers to. Along with the act that I was fine with the divorce. It was so hard. I lost it."
Maybe if you had told him, it wouldn't have happened. You will never know. And it will always haunt you.
All you knew was that either way, you weren't going to win.
"I had to go drop the kids off at Nat's first before going to the hospital all by myself. I couldn't call anyone because no one knew, and the last thing I wanted was fake sympathy."
"You know what I needed, my husband. I got back to an empty house. I had to get through this all by myself. Alone. "
"I wanted you to hold me. Let me cry. Let me grieve. I needed you. And you weren't there. I had to pick up the pieces because the kids needed their mother. And I did."
Bucky's heart was shattered by how much you suffered because of him. Because he let his fears control him. Hurting the person he cherished the most. Damaging the only real thing he ever had. Your marriage.
"I tried so hard to hate you. Only remember the agonizing pain. You left me broken and bitten. You, the love of my life. The man I have ever loved. You, who drew stars around my scars, and now, I'm bleeding. "
"But the moment you touched me, it was all down the drain. You are all I ever wanted. I forgot about it all."
"Every time I say this is the last time, then I still come back to you. I love you too much to have common sense."
"I convinced myself we were changing for the better. Wanting was enough. For me, it was enough. To live for the hope of it all. Maybe there is a chance for us."
"I was wrong."
"You had me wishing you were a bad father, so you would've abandoned all of us. You had me wishing you stopped caring for the kids so I could hate you. So I can stop seeing you. You had me wishing pain on my own kids. Because I can never understand how you can be such a good dad but so afraid of being a husband."
"Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me. Look at this idotic fool that you made me."
At this point, you were in a hysterical state. Tears running down your face. Sobs shake your body. Your fists collide with his bare chest. letting your anger out with the crushing pain. The last four months are finally showing. The hurt you have kept inside is out in the open.
You couldn't fight anymore. You rested your head on his chest as you sobbed. Mourning your broken heart
He hesitated to wrap his hands around you. Letting both of your tears mix together. The fact that he was the reason for your breakdown killed him.
His hold felt like a cage. Keeping you trapped because you can't let go either. You would never be free.
You stood there for a while until your sobs became sniffles. You broke from his grasp, looking at him with your puffy red eyes.
"The kids deserve better than this. They deserve the best parents. And that's where we are now. Parents. Nothing more."
You walked to the front door. You turned to look at him. Silently begging him to say something. Do something. But you got nothing. And that was it.
If your feelings for each other were too strong to handle, too complicated to solve, too damaging to save, then you never stood a chance to exist again.
Now, both of you dream of some epiphany. Just one single glimpse of relief. To make some sense of what you've seen
"See you next weekend." You said this as you closed the door behind you.
You left Bucky to face the consequences of his actions. He wanted to leave. So you left. Here, he pushed the only person who ever mattered to him. The person who loved him to the moon and to Saturn
How could he let his stupid mind get him here? He let his insecurities take over. How self-centered did he have to be for this to happen? Ruining his family and his world just for the sake of himself And he wasn't even miserable. He got into his own head. Dark thoughts that pushed him here. Thinking he couldn’t commit anymore, when all he ever needed was always going to be you.
With tears streaming down his face, all he could think about was how he got here. Why did he become the villain? His mind was running thousands of miles a second. 
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves
You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
You turned into your worst fears
And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain
Crossing out the good years
And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed
Look at how my tears ricochet
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daisybrekker · 2 months
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HOFAS: Likes & Dislikes
Likes:
The crossover = I know a lot of people didn't like it because they thought there would be more from ACOTAR but that's their problem because they had too high expectations. It was pretty obvious that Bryce wouldn't be long in the ACOTAR world. I personally liked how SJM done it and I'm glad that Nesta & Azriel were the 2 characters that she gave the spotlight to. 
Sathia = I genuinely did not think I'd like her. I haven't had the time to do any rereads of the first 2 CC books, so I don't know if she was mentioned or made appearances before, but I was so ready for her to be this bratty and whiny character. But she wasn't. She definitely pleasantly surprised me and made Tharion's chapters so much more interesting.
Lidia = By the end of HOSAB, I didn't really like her nor get the hype about her but HOFAS made me warm up to her more for sure.
Ember = I LOVED when she stood up to Rhys. I really wish we got more of her. Hope that SJM makes a novella about her story with the Autumn King and how she found Randall🤞
Nesta & Ember = Nesta feeling some motherly love made me so happy. I'm really glad they got to meet.
Dislikes:
The info dumping = I understand that Bryce had to learn Silene's story, but I wish that part of the book was written differently. I definitely enjoyed learning new information, but didn't enjoy the way I learned it if that makes sense?
Ithan = His chapters were so boring and he was insufferable. I'm really hoping that he isn't a CC character that SJM will want to write a book about.
Defeating the antagonists = Everything seemed so easy. It just felt like the Autumn King & Morven, Sabine and the Asteri were defeated so quickly. Excluding Jesiba, there were no deaths or anything like that. I'm glad that none of my favourite characters died, but at the same time it just didn't feel like the stakes were high in this book. Certainly not how it was in KOA which left me feeling empty for days after reading it.
Bryce = Listen, I absolutely adore Bryce as a character, but she was just not it in this book. I hated the way she completely dismissed Hunt's feelings. HOEAB Bryce would never do that.
Flipping off = SJM has always had the tendency to write scenes where her characters show "vulgar gestures" to others, but it's getting boring at this point. Not only do I find it extremely repetitive, but also childish and stupid. It was funny the first few times, she can drop it now.
Switching POVs = I feel like it was so abrupt and disorganised in this book. You'd get like 2 paragraphs of Bryce's POV, suddenly switch to Ithan for like 3 pages and then go back to Bryce. It was very messy...
Quinlar reunion = I was so underwhelmed. After Hunt being tortured by the Asteri and Bryce landing in a different world, I was expecting such an emotional reunion, but it was so bland and forgettable.
Ruhn/Lidia romance = I definitely like them together, but I feel like their romance could have been so much better. I didn't feel a strong impact from their relationship...
The amount of irrelevant side characters that don't really get developed and are just there = Declan, Flynn, Marc, Juniper, Fury, Sigrid, etc.
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joelswritingmistress · 3 months
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You Scare Me, Professor: Chapter 24
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Summary: The reader is taking graduate classes at a local university in the wooded upstate New York. She is drawn to her professor, Dr. Joel Miller, though she is also inherently aware that he has something dark about him that she can't quite put her finger on. As the reader's attraction grows deeper, she has to decide whether to endure the danger or run away as fast as possible.
Pairing: Professor Joel Miller x f!reader
“He asked me to move in with him.” I couldn't keep the word vomit from leaving my mouth as I settled into a little booth across from Tori with a coffee between my hands.
Her eyebrows seemed to raise about three inches and she didn't say anything at first.
“It's crazy, I know.” I shook my head.
“How long have you been with him?”
“A month.” I made a face.
“Does he, like, ejaculate gold coins or something?” Tori asked, laughing as she spoke.
I laughed with her and shook my head, looking down. “I don't know. I've never been like this. He's just got this way about him.”
“What's his house like?”
A small smile crept onto my face and she cut in before I could answer.
“He's rich, isn't he?”
“He lives in this, like, mini castle.”
“A castle?”
“Well, that's what it looks like. It's really cool.”
“Okay, so my suspicions are correct.”
I swallowed hard, eager to hear her theories. “What suspicions?”
“He ejacs gold coins.”
I laughed again, actually pleased she hadn't said something serious. I wasn't in the mood for sinister scenarios that would only heighten my internal anxiety over the situation.
“I don't even care about the house or whatever. I just.. I'm falling way too fast for this guy.” My eyes met here across the table. “Do you think I'm crazy?”
Tori gave a half smile and a shrug. “A little.” She smiled fully and sipped her coffee. “It is a little fast.”
“It's very fast.”
“Okay, it's very fast,” she agreed. “But, it's your call. What's your gut telling you? I'd ask what your heart’s telling you but I'm pretty sure I already know that. And the heart can be misleading.” Tori motioned to me with her drink as she emphasized the last part.
“Yeah.” I sighed and reached into a small paper bag for the muffin I’d ordered with my coffee.
“Well, how about this?” Tori went on when I broke off a piece of the muffin top. “If things work out with Mr. “Joel Gold Coins”,” she used her fingers to do the air quotes and I snickered, “Then I better be the maid of honor. And if it ends up not being what you thought, then there's always a room for you at 355 Ellie Drive.”
I looked toward my friend and let out another exhale through my nose. She was so understanding and not judgmental. I had disappeared off the face of the earth for a month since meeting Dr. Miller and she never questioned a thing.
“I'm sorry if I've been a bad friend,” I started but she reached for my hand and wagged a finger.
“You haven't been a bad friend,” she disagreed. “We’re at pivotal points in our lives. And I guess the lucky part is that we've kind of both found the same thing in the same time frame.” Tori shrugged, “It happens. We’re.. growing up.”
I smiled, “Adulting?”
“Ugh, you know I hate that word.”
I laughed and then sighed again with a more serious expression. “Thank you, Tori.”
“You're welcome.”
“I mean it. Thank you.” I sipped my coffee again. “Now, I'm done making this all about me. Tell me about Derek.”
My friend bit her bottom lip and spilled all the recent tea about her beau. I knew Derek. I liked him. The fact that he would be there with her full time took away some of the guilt I was experiencing. Tori appeared excited and happy and light as air. Getting a chance to sit and talk was rejuvenating. As much as I enjoyed the intensity of my time with Dr. Miller, I appreciated the lighthearted feeling I had being in Tori’s company.
“Once a week,” my friend pointed at me as we finally left the little coffee shop, “And that's nonnegotiable.”
“Once a week. And I'll be back soon to get my clothes and stuff.” I nodded and we exchanged a hug. “I'm going to head into LL Bean,” I said motioning to the store a few doors down on the little street.
“I have to go to work or I'd gladly spend a good hundred bucks in there with you.”
“Okay, be safe. I miss you.”
Tori blew a kiss. “See you soon.”
I waved goodbye and headed into the store, mostly in search of a good pair of winter boots.
If I happen to walk out with a sweater or two, so be it, I thought internally with a smile. Or maybe a hat for our ski wedding weekend.
An older man greeted me with a friendly, “Hello,” from behind a cash register off to the left. I smiled and waved before making the trek up a flight of stairs to the second floor where I knew the women's shoe section was.
A rack of on-sale sweaters and shirts conveniently greeted me near the top of the stairs and I gave it a lengthy browse. A knee length blue and white sweater dress caught my eye and I draped it over my arm before moving on toward the shoes.
“(Y/N)?” A female voiced my name quietly and I turned my attention away from the wall of boots in front of me.
When I glanced over my left shoulder I froze. Christine, Dr. Miller’s ex-wife, had just exited the dressing room. She was dressed more casually than our first meeting, sporting jeans and a sweater with a winter hat.
“Hi,” I said awkwardly.
“How are you doing?” She asked, as if we were friends or acquaintances that hadn't seen one another for awhile.
“I'm fine.” I forced a smile. “How are you?”
“Good.” Christine smiled back and bluntly asked, “Are you still seeing Joel?”
I gave a little nod, hoping that would be the end of that. Of course it wasn't.
“Look, woman to woman,” she said, beginning to pace in my direction. “I don't want to see you get hurt the way I did. Just.. be careful. Joel has this charisma that can really be..” She took a few seconds as she searched for the correct word, “Blinding.”
“I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean by that.” I didn't want to have this conversation. People broke up all the time and could easily list off the reasons why their former partner was terrible. It didn't mean those two people couldn't move on and find someone more compatible for them. Everyone has flaws.
“I fell for him,” Christine nodded and stared at me, “Fast. Hard.” She shook her head and maintained eye contact, “He has secrets, (Y/N).”
“Don't we all?” I tried to sound casual and glanced down at the sweater on my arm.
“Not these kind of secrets.”
“Well, what are these kind of secrets?” I asked.
Christine sighed, looking around as she did before finding my eyes again. “That's something I'll take to my grave.. but also something I couldn't live with.”
I wasn't typically one to speak up, but I couldn't help myself now. “So, woman to woman you came here to warn me, but you can't tell me about what? You just want me to be careful because of Joel's secrets but you won't tell me what those secrets are?” I shook my head, “If you were actually looking out for me, you'd tell me.” I wandered away from the boots section back toward the staircase.
“It's the least I can do,” Christine called out.
I took the stairs back to the bottom floor. All the life that Tori had breathed into me, Christine had sucked out. I was so taken aback that I almost walked out with the sweater without paying for it. Hell, I hadn't even tried it on.
I stopped myself before closing in on the door and made a hard right toward the register.
“Find everything you were looking for?” The old man asked with a friendly grin.
I wanted to match his cheeriness but I just couldn't. Still, I managed a smile. “Yes, thank you.” He scanned the tag, I swiped my card and then headed back out onto the street.
I was going to tell Dr. Miller about bumping into Christine. I wasn't about to accuse him of anything but I needed to at least ask what she was referring to. Of course he had secrets - or at least some unknowns he promised to tell in due time. As much as I needed to know, I wasn't going to bombard him simply because his ex-wife bombarded me.
She hated me, Dr. Miller had claimed. I was sure at least part of her approaching me had something to do with sabotaging him.
I shook my head and hurried across the street to an ATM. Having a little cash on me at all times was something my parents had always advised me to do, and it was a habit I'd carried into adulthood.
I looked around the immediate area and then back to the doors of LL Bean to see if Christine had come out. I wanted to get out of the area as soon as possible and cozy up by a warm fire, as Dr. Miller had promised.
As I slipped my card into the machine, I envisioned it for a moment, trying to push away the negative thoughts that had been bestowed upon me. It worked - sort of.
I punched in my four digit code and selected to remove sixty dollars. Again, I looked over my shoulder as the ATM worked its magic. When the screen instructed me to remove my card, I did just that and then tucked it away back into my purse.
The money dispensed and upon collecting it, I looked at the screen again. If it had been a cartoon I swear my eyes would have popped right out of my head.
This has to be a mistake. I looked at the balance. It was all wrong.
“What the hell?”
The receipt shot out next as the screen switched to a simple, THANK YOU, in bold letters. I ripped the receipt from its place and studied the numbers. The balance on the thin piece of white paper matched that of the balance on the screen.
This has to be a mistake.
As I stood in disbelief, staring at the fifty-seven thousand dollars that was now said to be in my account, my eyes glanced up and I saw Christine staring at me from across the street. I felt like she knew exactly what I was staring at on that money slip.
When she shook her head, I crumpled the paper and forced it into my coat pocket before rushing to my car and driving away from that quaint, little street in the center of town.
CLICK HERE FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER
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dragon-kazansky · 5 months
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Spirit of the sea
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Izzy Hands x Reader (GN)
SEASON 2 CONTENT AHEAD!!!
Blackbeard rules the sea. Despite wanting his captain back, Izzy realises his mistake. Protecting the crew is his concern. Protecting you is his life mission. Stede's return brings hope, but there's a lot of work to be done before this crew becomes a family.
{Masterlist}
{Previous Chapter} - {Next Chapter}
Warnings: Spoilers. Izzy's depression spiral. No real unicorns were harmed in the making of Izzy's new leg. Things get a little steamy at the end.
Chapter Thirteen - Loving touch
♡♡♡
Stede had gathered the crew, minus Izzy, to talk to them all. Turns out Ed woke up. You swore under your breath when you heard that. No way is that man going to be happy with any of you.
"What happened to your face?" Pete asked Stede who was standing to a bruise on his cheek.
"Bet Blackbeard did that, didn't he?" Wee John asks.
"It was an accident. Okay? I think Ed just sat up too quickly," Stede says.
"That's what they all say," Roach states.
"As you know, he's gone through quite the ordeal and he does need to regain his strength," Stede explains.
"Yeah. He'll probably get around to killing you after he's rested," Jim says, looking Stede in the eye.
"Yeah, I'd say it's a pretty obvious mistake letting him get strong again," Lucius points out. You nod.
"Kick him off the ship already!" Jim yells.
"We just don't banish people, do we?" Stede says. "That's not us. Let's give him some time, perhaps to rebound a bit."
"Medically speaking, the man can't speak, and his brain is maybe couscous." Roach points out. "Also, gonna need that steak back. It's dinner."
"Right. Yes, aye."
"Maybe we should put it to the vote," Fang suggests.
"Do we have to do this now?" Stede asks.
The crew start yelling.
♡♡♡
Stede got his answers from the crew, that much was clear enough. As you head out, Stede catches up to you.
"You were awfully quiet in there."
"Don't get me wrong. I agree with them, Ed has to go."
Stede's expression falls.
"I know you like him, but that man... he did things. He hurt people like I've never seen before. He hurt Izzy..."
"Ah yes, Izzy. How is he?" Stede asks.
"He's been better."
"Where is he anyway? I didn't see him in there."
"Drinking probably. He, uh, he's stopped talking to me at the moment. He won't talk to anyone."
Stede frowns again. "He's stopped talking to you?"
"I think it's the constant drinking... It's making him... upset. Like, more than before."
"I see..."
You shrug lightly and sigh. "Look, I'm not looking for sympathy. You're the captain, sort this out."
You walk off. Stede watches you go, his heart feeling heavy. Maybe he could have a word with Izzy for you.
♡♡♡
You sit on deck with the wooden sparrow in your hands. After everything that happened it had survived. Izzy had kept it in his cabin. You had found it when you had gone in there to find him. Izzy was nowhere to be seen, but the sparrow was sitting on his desk. There was a slight chip in the wood, right on the wing, but for the most part it looked good.
You sigh as you run your finger carefully over it's little head. Did Izzy even notice it was gone? Probably not.
"The atmosphere around here sucks," Lucius sighs, sitting down next to you. You notice the cigarette between his fingers, but you don't ask. "What's that?" He nods toward the wooden bird.
"Marietta."
"Marietta?" He looks at you with a funny expression.
"That's what I called it. It was a gift for Izzy from me. I dropped the first one in the sea while I was angry at him... so I remade her." You hold the sparrow up. "She's a little beaten, but still in nest condition."
"You carved him a bird?"
"Look, I can't draw like you can. I can't make sew like Frenchie, or knit like Wee John. I can, however, whittle."
Lucius smiles a little. "I like it."
A moment of silence passes while you play with the bird in your hands a little more.
"So, you and Izzy?"
"So, you and Pete?" You reply, sarcastically.
"We're fine," he says defensively. "What's going on with your boyfriend?"
You raise your eyes to Lucius. "Blackbeard abused him. Punished him. Took his leg. He's a little upset at the moment. Rightfully so."
Lucius stands up a little defensively. "We've all been through shit," he says.
You narrow your eyes at him. "I'm not saying you haven't. We thought you were dead!"
"Well, I wasn't." He puts out his cigarette. "I've suffered too and it's all his fault!" He points to where Blackbeard is tied up on the deck.
"He's fucked everyone over, Lucius. Just need Stede to get his ass in gear and do something about it."
Lucius sighs. "Do you think anything will ever go back to how it was?"
"No," you admit honestly. "But I do believe things can get better. In time."
Lucius says nothing. He glares at Blackbeard and then leaves. You sigh and return to holding the bird, caressing it again gently.
"Oh, Izzy..."
♡♡♡
Stede found Izzy at the front of the ship. He was leaning on some of the rope rigging, his wooden leg propped up on the railing. In his other hand was a bottle of rum, of which he was drinking merrily.
He looked a mess.
Stede offered him a smile as he joined him, ignoring the look Izzy was throwing his way. He means over and notices the unicorn is missing it's head.
"He's seen better days, hasn't he?" Stede asks in a lighthearted manner.
"At least he's still got both legs!" Izzy yells.
"Yes!" Stede joins in. "He can't hear you, he's go no head. You've got a head, though, which you should look after."
Izzy down his rum. Stede sighs.
"What do you want, Bonnet?" Izzy asks, not really in the mood for conversation.
"Well, here's the thing. The crew, they're in a bit of a deadlock over the whole banishment of Ed thing and I just thought, seeing as, well, you were the one who kept his body aboard, maybe you should weigh in. You've already murdered him once. Seems like a pretty good payback." He chuckles softly. "So, what do you think?"
"My vote?" Izzy leans in a little closer to Stede. "A rotten let's got to come off."
"Right. Just to confirm, was that a nay or yay on the banishment?"
Izzy just drinks some more.
"Right... I suppose I just mention that our Spirit of the sea is worried about you. You've stopped talking to them apparently..."
Izzy says nothing.
"Don't push them out, Izzy."
Izzy just drinks from his bottle again. Stede sighs and takes his leave.
♡♡♡
"So! We, the crew of The Revenge, have voted and we've chosen banishment, unfortunately." Frenchie states, announcing the result. "So, yeah. Effective immediately. Your complimentary dinghy awaits you portside. Now leave, please."
"Fuck off," Ed hisses, walking past him. You watch him closely.
"Alright, rude."
"Fuck you," Ed laughs softly, walking past Olu.
"First time I've been on this side of a walk of shame," Wee John comments.
"Way to make this awkward, bruh," Archie says.
"Shitty sailing with you." Jim chimes in.
"You're making it really hard to look up to you, man," Pete sighs.
"Hey, made you this sandwich for the trip," Roach says, holding it out to him. Ed slaps it out of his hand and Stede catches it
"You don't want your sammie?" Stede looks sad.
Ed slaps it out of Stede's hand and it hits Lucius in the face. You have to cover your mouth to stop from laughing. Lucius bites back his laughter too. It really isn't a funny moment, throwing someone off the ship, but at least you can find something to laugh about, you supposed.
"Ed, say something at least."
Ed turns his head and looks at Stede.
"You're not a fuckin' mermaid."
You knit your brows together in confusion by that statement. Stede looked equally confused.
"What?"
Ed climbs off the ship and into the dinghy. Stede looks down and watches him, you and Lucius part with the rest if the crew, not hanging about to watch any longer.
Ed was gone. That was that.
♡♡♡
"Is it me or does the energy around here seem off?" Wee John asked.
"By 'the energy,' do we mean him?" Roach nods over to Lucius who was smiling and freaking out a little. "Or him?" He gestures over to where Izzy is still standing at the front of the ship yelling at the unicorn.
"Well, mythical creature?" Izzy yells. You sigh as you watch him from where you stand. He still wasn't talking to you much. "Anything to say to yourself? Fuck you!"
"Or them?" Roach asks, looking at Jim, Archie, Frenchie, and Fang scrubbing the deck of any "possible" bloodstains left over from where Edward had bled out.
"Do you still see blood?"
"Yeah. We'll get it. Just keep scrubbing."
"They're lookin' this way." Fang says.
You tune out the rest of their conversation to watch your stupid drunk pirate curse at the unicorn some more. If only you could talk to him. He would surely listen to you.
It was breaking your heart to see him fall apart like this. Izzy hadn't held you since you got back onto The Revenge. He was shutting you out, suffering on his own.
You hated it.
You try not to let the tears fall as you walk away, letting Izzy do whatever the fuck he wanted.
♡♡♡
Olu had invited you to join the crew for a surprise. Jim had speculated they were planning to kill you all off for being disturbed after sailing with Blackbeard. You thought it was a bit of a stretch, but you wouldn't put it last them either.
You were all guided below deck where the surprise was.
"You gotta close your 'cause it's a surprise." Olu says.
No one does that, everyone sceptical. Frenchie leads you all behind Olu. You find Pete and Wee John waiting.
"Ta da!"
Wee John moves to reveal the surprise.
The crew all jump and startle, hiding the knives they were all carrying behind their backs incase of an attack.
"Fuck!" Lucius sighs, jumpy enough already.
"Guys, it's called a pine-ata." Pete says.
"Yeah. So, you just pull this string and then--" Olu tries to explain.
"And then you hit it with a stick!" Pete demonstrates.
Everyone is triggered. PTSD from the storm, from Blackbeard.
"Time for blindfolding." Wee John tries.
"Stay the fuck sway from me!" Jim yells.
"You won't want to stay the fuck away from this came!" Roach says, brining the cake in.
You feel your stomach churn at the sight of it. It looks like the wedding cake...
"God's sake, take it away!" Fang screams.
You all draw your weapons. Yeah, even you. This is too much, too soon. This how it ends up at a stand off.
"One-half of this room has some serious emotional damage," Jim explains, holding Wee John in a choke hold. "And it's not us."
"Well, it's not us!" Wee John says back.
You have your knife pointing at Olu.
"Right, so, is everybody else's arms and various limbs getting tired?" Frenchie asks.
"Alright, look, look, look, look. I think there's actually an easier way to resolve this." Olu days, eyeing your knife. "Yes? Right. So you all think that we're plottin' against you?"
"Yeah," you nod.
"Which, in hindsight, maybe was inaccurate." Frenchie says. "I don't know, you tell me."
"Okay. So, can we all agree to just not jump the other crew and solve this as fuckin' adults?" Olu asks.
"You're saying this is like a space that is safe?" Jim asks him.
"Yeah, babe." Olu looks at them.
"I love that."
"A safe space."
"Yeah, okay."
You all lower your knives. You take a deep breath. Nearly lost your cool there.
"A lot has gone unsaid," Roach speaks. "I think now is a great time to discuss lingering issues."
"Yeah, yeah, absolutely." Archie nods. "Can we talk about the fucked-up sleeping arrangements?"
"Excuse me, do you even have a name, new guy?" Wee John asks her.
"Yeah, fuck you is her name." Jim starts, drawing their knife again.
"Hey, stupid name for a person," Roach draw his knife on Jim.
"You know my name is Archie," she point her weapon at Roach.
Everyone draws their weapons again. You sigh and point your knife at Olu again, but he doesn't sense any actual malice from you.
The sound of something thudding against the floor draws everyone's attention to the door. You turn and your heart skips a beat at the sight of Izzy. Two wooden legs at his feet.
"There! It's done!" He yells. "Maybe next time he'll think twice about not doing his fucking--" Izzy's peg leg breaks from under him as he raises his crutch and he falls harshly to the ground.
You gasp and drop your knife, hurrying over to him. He shrugs you off.
"Get off me! Fuck off!"
You sit there on your knees as he rolls over and starts crawling down the hall. Your heart breaks watching him.
"Leave me alone! I'm already gone." He mutters. He starts repeating a phrase over and over again. "You're born alone, you die alone. You're born alone, you die alone."
You can feel tears building up again. God, only Izzy could ever make you cry so much.
"Yeah, he's definitely more disturbed than any of us," Lucius says, watching Izzy go.
You try to hide your teary eyes as you get up and leave.
♡♡♡
You're sat up on deck with yours curled up wiping away the tears that were falling. If only you could get that stupid man to talk to you. You just wound to heal his internal wounds, and soothe his external wounds.
You don't hear the door open, but you do hear footsteps coming over. You turn your face away, but you know it's Fang who is now sitting beside you. He has one of the unicorn legs in his hand.
"You okay?" He asks softly. Fang was a soothing presence.
"Spectacular," you mutter.
He look down at the wooden leg and then back at you.
"We, uh, we had an idea for Izzy."
You wipe your eyes again. "Yeah?"
"We're gonna make him a new leg. You wanna help? It would sure mean a lot if you gave it to him after." Fang smiles.
"You want me to help?"
"I think Izzy would like that, don't you?"
You shrug quietly. "I don't know. He's not exactly talking to me right now."
"Aw, listen. He still loves you. He's just hurting, but maybe we can help. Let's do something good for him."
Fang offers you a small smile.
You find yourself smiling back. You reach over and take the leg from him. "Okay. Let me see what we can do."
Less than 30 minutes later the leg is being constructed, the crew are gathered to help. Fang constructs the leg into a strong, comfortable, and practical leg. Lucius had got some gold paint to add something that little bit extra.
You smile as you paint the leg.
"The gold was a gold touch."
Lucius smiles, happy he could help.
You leave the leg to dry and then Fang returns to your side with it. You sigh as you take it, looking it over.
"We sure it will do?" You ask.
"Its been measured and made just for Izzy. It will more than do. Oh don't forget the note." Fang holds out the parchment.
You take the leg and take the note.
"Right..."
"Just leave it outside his door if he doesn't want to talk. I can assure you he'll talk to you again soon."
You nod and make your way to Izzy's cabin.
♡♡♡
As you approach Izzy's door, you don't hear much. It's almost too quiet for your liking. You hover outside the door, the leg in hand. That's when you hear his voice. He's talking to someone.
"And you? What's your excuse?" You hear him say. You lean a little closer to listen, worried about him. "I mean, what even are you?"
You knock on the door hoping he'll answer.
"Fuck off." You hear him shout. You knock again firmly. "Fuck off!" He yells again.
You sigh. Telling him it was you probably wouldn't make a difference. You prop the leg up but the door, tucking the note and Marietta, Izzy's carved sparrow that you still had, into it.
You knock again and hurry away, disappearing down the hall.
"You are harassing a cripple! Fucking twats!" Izzy yells, no longer realising the person has gone from behind his door. He limps his way over and opens it, looking down the hall.
He sees no one.
His gaze drops down to the item waiting for him. He sees the note and the bird. He reads the note first, all emotion clogging up in his throat.
Those little shits.
He cries. Izzy covers his mouth as tears overwhelm him. He looks up down the hall, trying not to break down.
"Fucking cocksuckers."
He sees the sparrow and picks it up. It's then he realises you had been the one knocking. His finger close around the bird and the tears fall freely.
Shit. He's been really shit to you.
Izzy hold the sparrow against his chest and takes a few deep breaths. He grabs the leg and hobbles back inside his room.
♡♡♡
It's the early hours of the morning.
Izzy stands on deck with his new leg on. It's a good fit. Made really well. His hair is slicked back against his scalp, out of his face. His face is a little cleaner. No rum in sight.
In one hand he's clutching the ring he wears under his clothes, hanging from a string of twine. He smiles as he looks down at it.
In his other hand is the note. His eyes drift over to the words written on it. His heart feels full.
'For the new unicorn.'
Izzy smiles.
With the dawn of a new day comes a new Izzy. A healing Izzy.
He's going to be okay.
No. He'll be more than okay.
He just needs to talk to you first.
♡♡♡
The sun hasn't even risen yet when Izzy wakes you. You've been sleeping with the rest of the crew since Izzy stopped talking to you, so he had to be quiet when waking you. You're startled awake by something hitting your face again and again.
You wake up to find little balls of paper being thrown at you. You look up to see Izzy waving you over. You look at him confused. He wasn't talking to you befkre, and now he wants to?
That's when you notice the leg and your heart begins to race.
You climb out of bed and make your way out of the room, not waking a single person. You follow Izzy into his cabin and enter cautiously. He looks tidier, cleaner, more content.
"Izzy?"
He stands there and looks at you. There are several emotions flickering in his eyes, but he finds his words in no time.
"Thank you."
You stand there awkwardly. "I didn't do anything."
Izzy inhales loud enough for you to hear as he looks down at his leg, his hand resting over his thigh. "You did this."
"It was the crew's idea."
Izzy holds up the sparrow. "I noticed it was gone, but there was only one place it could be."
You nod your head softly.
Izzy puts the sparrow down and walks over to you, closing the distance between you both. You find your heart rate picking up as you look into those beautiful eyes of him.
"I love you," he whispers.
Just like that he's reaching out and kissing you. You're in his arms again. You return his kiss, having missed his lips. Having missed him. You reach out and take hold of him.
The kiss is hot, passionate, desperate. It's significance lies with the fact that you two spend all your time wanting each other, but when you're hurting, you don't reach out for one another.
You remove his scarf, taking the ring around it and carefully placing it down. It belonged to his mother and you know he would definitely curse you if you lost it. You begin to undress him, and he, you.
Clothes land on the floor. The soft thud of his wooden foot taps lightly on the floor as he moves you over to his bed.
Doing this right after the emotional rollercoaster you both has been through probably wasn't the best idea, but this time no one could stop you both, and this was long overdue.
You push Izzy down on the bed and take care of him, admiring him. You notice the other ring around his neck. You had seen it before, but it's origins you hadn't known. He was wearing it last time you did this too.
Still, your mind was focused on other things.
Safe to say, both of you are going to be a little late getting up tomorrow.
♡♡♡
@grippleback-galaxy - @askmarinaandothers - @godlikegallagher - @for-fuck-sake-im-alive - @whiskeyswriting - @lxsm2 - @bloody-bunni666 - @the-chocoholic-writer - @bugbugboy - @callmemana - @the-shenny-of-azkaban - @cool-ontherun-world - @outer-space-beech - @ahewi24 - @grace585 - @innertimemachinegirl - @dmitrytherat - @emilynissangtr -
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spicerackofblorbos · 9 days
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i'm GOD AWFUL at answering my asks unless they're requests, I'm sorry a;sldkfjas;df but to everyone who has sent me hearts, good vibes, and sunflowers, I appreciate and love you all so much!! <3 i'm finally getting around to this one!
i've been ordered by kat to do 5 more so here's my top 10 favorite fics I've written!! These are ALL x reader!
1. Amethyst | Leon Kennedy 2. Unspoken Words | Levi Ackerman - Chapter One: November 3. Sunrise | Levi Ackerman 4. Home | Leon Kennedy 5. For You, I Would | Armin Arlert 6. Can I Go Where You Go? | Levi Ackerman 7. Are You There? | Levi Ackerman 8. Chasing Waterfalls | Toge Inumaki 9. You'll Be Okay | Levi Ackerman 10. What's Mine, Is Yours | Erwin Smith
And here's my answer to tay's ask about my fics!
❥ fic I loved writing the most
this will always be dependent on when you ask me, because right now it will have to be Amethyst. If y'all haven't noticed, my newest love is Leon Kennedy, and writing for him is so much easier than writing for Levi and I think it's because I understand Leon's personality more. He's just so fun to riff off of. Not that Levi wasn't!! He was just harder to put down for me, I guess. ANWAYS. I loved writing for Leon and I'm working on a part two!!
❥ fic others loved that I didn't care for
okay so this might come as a surprise because it's my ultimate comfort fic, but it would have to be Sunrise. tbh, I don't know what loved the most means here but I'll equate it to notes. Sunrise is precious to me because it holds so many of my favorite things. BUT I really feel like I could have done so much better. The plot is there, the scenario and surroundings are perfect. but the WRITING?? I could have done better. don't get me wrong though, I still love it and I am very happy so many people liked it!!
❥ fic I had fun writing
definitely my For You, I Would fic. I don't have very many Armin fics but I enjoyed writing for him a lot because he's just such a shy little bean and so full of wonder and love. I could really see myself wanting to take him out on a date. This was also a request for my friend Tay and it was fun catering her interests within the story and how it works well with Armin!!
❥ fic I'm most proud of
for sure it would have to be Unspoken Words. I'm proud because it was the first time I've written something for myself in a long time. I didn't think I would care as much about fanfic until I fell in love with AoT, now look at me LMAO. UW helped me become a better writer as well as be more confident in areas I thought I lacked. I quite literally used it as a way to be better, and I'll always be proud of it. My first ever full and finished fic, I'll never forget it <3
❥ fic I wish got more recognition
probably Can I Go Where You Go? mainly because I really liked writing the semi plot twist at the end. like if you were caught up with season 4 of AoT, you would know what I was alluding to and it's like a kick in the gut LMAO. but also I thought I did pretty well with the descriptors, not to brag ofc. :3
❥ my happiest/saddest/most comedic fic
I SPENT 30 MINUTES LOOKING FOR THIS. but the saddest will have to be this short drabble about Levi losing you in an expedition and him coming to your old room, reminiscing. I don't know what brought it on but I was like, huh. let's just be SAD.
if you're interested, my fic masterlist can be found here!
finally, thank you so much for the asks @kingkonoha, @youre-ackermine, and @humanitys-strongest-bamf!! I love y'all a lot <3
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steddieas-shegoes · 6 months
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the lexicon of omegaverse
happy fic rec day! once a week i pick one of my favorite authors and put the top 3 fics (to me) from their repertoire on here. all of them have so much more that deserves to be on the list, but i have to stick to my own rules, etc, so always make sure to check out their masterlist/ao3 for more! all previous week's links will be on my masterlist on my blog.
this week is @lexirosewrites! omegaverse is not something i was into before the steddie fandom, at least not on purpose, and no one does it like lexi. as always, read the tags, don't like any of them, don't read them, and if you're mean to lexi, i block you 😇 (i'm also gonna go ahead and say that while their newest fic being posted is only one chapter in, it probably will move to a top 3 spot when it's done: Waking Up In Vegas)
lexi's tumblr | lexi's ao3
The Bunny and The Wolf Series Rated E Eddie is mafia boss. Steve becomes his. End summary. Favorite thing about this whole series (and it is being continued actively right now with another wip) is that it somehow is so long but feels so fast paced. So much happens, you get every emotion, you get so many amazing characters.
On Thin Ice Rated E Guys, it's a figure skater/hockey AU. It's like Lexi went into my brain and said 'I know what you want and need and I'm going to provide' and then did it better than my imagination ever could. Favorite line: “It’s like…” Eddie takes a deep breath, his eyes locked on Steve’s lips with an intensity that’s almost frightening. “It’s like- like I can’t be near you anymore because every time I am, I want to kiss you so badly it hurts, princess. It’s like I want to scoop you up and carry you away to somewhere safe and warm where I can tear this pretty little piece off you.”
Online, Offline (Out of My Mind)    Rated E Virgin Celebrity Secret Omega Steve and Big Dick Just A Guy Alpha Eddie is apparently something that was on my 'I need this' Bingo Card. Add in scentmates/soulmates? I'm the biggest fan. Couldn't even begin to find a favorite line or even a favorite part with this, but there is soooo much Robin and Steve being platonic soulmates in this!
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not-poignant · 6 months
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OMG, I literally found your Astarion/Raphael fic yesterday, desperately looking for something like it. So happy someone else had the same brain worms as me XD
I was wondering if I could pick your brain a bit about what kind of direction you think you will take the fic? I was wondering if you had any plans in your head or if you are just following the vibes so to speak.
Especially with Raphael being in the pairing, I wondered if this is more of a "It turns out they are actually good for each other" kind of thing or more of a "Astarion has to find out what his life is going to be now/get over some things and Raphael will enjoy every second of making him squirm" kind of thing.
In any case, I am looking forward to reading more, thank you :)
Hi hi,
So I guess answering this would kind of be talking about really end-game spoilers, but I also don't have a plan for this story beyond Astarion/Raphael, and 'hopeful ending.'
(I mean I do have more than that, I just don't know how much of that I want to reveal at this stage, when it's only chapter 5, and this story could easily be over 40 chapters long - there's a lot of potential for change and growth that could alter the trajectory of the relationship in a lot of different directions.'
What I will say is that:
I do not consider Astarion giving into a regular non-consensual situation and just accepting it and making painful peace with it, a hopeful ending type situation. Agency is important to me in my characters. Even if he one day decides to voluntarily submit to scenes he doesn't love - that would at least be a choice. Anything done while under contract with difficult consequences will not be where the hopeful ending happens.
It's an Astarion/Raphael story, therefore the hopeful ending will be an Astarion/Raphael ending. That's just how my brain works. It will not be a 'they break up and THAT'S why it's hopeful.' However, the end may not have a conventional looking relationship. And I've written unconventional endings in relationships before (like Stuck on the Puzzle)
For me, a hopeful ending (as opposed to a happy ending) means that we have to have confidence in the idea that Astarion's life will continue to improve and get better even after the story has ended. There's now enough evidence that he has enough enrichment and potentially for happiness in his life, that he won't downward spiral like he has in the same way again. This means he needs - more support, more healing, healthier avenues for communication even if the relationship isn't healthy overall all the time/every second, and some pretty big personal realisations about what he wants in life. Hopeful ending is both 'better than where we found him, but also genuinely, when most people think on the last chapter, they think 'he's got some ways to go in healing, but I really think he's/they're going to be okay'' not just physically, but also emotionally, spiritually, mentally.
Those are the things I'm happy to reveal because that's how I feel about almost all of my hopeful endings. That's what that means to me.
I do think Raphael and Astarion can actually be good for each other, but I think we're missing huge pieces of the puzzle as to why that's true. Because we're missing so much of Raphael's post-death story, because he's deliberately hiding it.
But we'll find out more soon. At some point, High Inquisitor Verillius Receptor will visit, and then we'll find out a lot more, lol.
(Also yeah this story will be long, easily I suspect around 150k in length as a baseline - we're on an emotional journey folks! Sometimes the growth will be healthy, sometimes it'll be negative, we're going in all the directions lmao).
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Hirano to Kagiura Ch. 22 Reaction
NEW CHAPTER :D :D :D!!!
lmao why is the first page so funny to me? I do like Hirano setting boundaries whenever Kagiura tries to push too far.
THE CHAPTER COVER IS SO PRETTY!!
Dates are kinda weird, aren't they? There isn't really much difference between them and going out with a friend except that it's called a "date" and therefore has romantic connotations.
Oh right, Kagiura never actually told Hirano for how long he has liked him. Doesn't seem like he'll tell him for a good while. (Also, Kagiura looks kinda when he says it's a secret, which is always a treat.)
Oh, so he's making it telling it contingent on Hirano's feelings. DEFINITELY won't be telling him for a good while at the rate this is going.
I love Niibashi and Kagiura interactions. Also, can't really blame Niibashi for feeling a bit awkward when he's together with kagihira knowing what he knows.
NIIBASHI BEST WINGMAN!! I do suspect that Niibashi would have done a better job than Hirano is going to, though.
DEFINITELY would do a better job, lmao. Nice wingmanning, but it did mean that the only one who knows how to sew left lol
Hirano can be... kinda oversensitive when it comes to Kagiura. I don't feel like that's the right word for it, but he's so nervous about doing anything wrong way past the point of it being reasonable. Like, before even meeting Kagiura he was worried about being a good roommate and not scaring him. Which is perfectly reasonable! At the time. But it has almost been a year now, with Kagiura almost constantly talking about and showing how happy and grateful he is for Hirano. Hirano has seen how hard Kagiura worked for them to stay roommates. And yet he tries so hard to make up for perceived failures. Not that he shouldn't apologize and make up for things he does wrong, it's just... him sewing the button because he thinks it's his fault reminds me of why he accepted the touching–making up for hurting Kagiura's feelings–and it kinda rubs me the wrong way for some reason. Well, not so much the things he does to make it up to Kagiura, it's more the face he makes when this happens. He feels way worse for doing these things than he needs to and risks going above and beyond for it. I want him to do these things because he wants to, not because he feels guilty.
Well, it's still sweet. It's not like Hirano doesn't want to do these things for Kagiura, I just wish Hirano wouldn't feel so guilty when no one is blaming him for acting the way he does. But in the end, I guess Hirano simply isn't the type to be satisfied with a simple apology.
I KNEW Kagiura would want to touch him for this!
The domesticity of this whole scene is *chef's kiss*
THE SWEETNESS!
"...It doesn't make mine race, though."
THE BITTERSWEETNESS!
"But... It's still not bad at all."
THE SWEETNESS!
With how comfortable Hirano is with Kagiura touching him, I really think the only thing keeping him from being fine with adding cuddling to their relationship is the romantic connotation. It also reminded me of my relationship with my boyfriend. Not that we are anything like them, it's just that I'm aspec and he's not. (Realized that I was some kind of ace about five years into our relationship and some kind of aro about 10 years into our relationship. In my defense, we were 14 when we got together and I really wanted to reciprocate his sexual and romantic feelings for me, so I was kinda in denial. Autism and ADD also didn't help.) Point is, I love my boyfriend but not romantically. He knows and we chose to stay officially boyfriend and girlfriend, even though it's not really romantic on my part. (My boyfriend is the BEST.) Anyway, I just feel like they're at a point where that kind of relationship could work. But then again, I feel like Hirano would feel guilty for not loving Kagiura romantically if they did that.
Hirano's heart might not race, but his gaze sure does linger.
THE CASUAL SASAMIYA IN THE BACKGROUND LMAO
Miyano: Shipper mode, ON!
...Did it ever get mentioned that Miyano is in the Literary Club in Sasaki to Miyano?
It's kinda fun to see a longer scene of Hirano and Miyano interacting outside of the 4-koma format. Miyano: "I do not mix BL with my real life." Miyano with Hirano: "He is an uke!!!!"
There's something funny about Hirano seriously talking with Miyano about BL and reflecting on his feelings for Kagiura. There's something ESPECIALLY funny about how strongly Hirano jumps on anything that disproves that he has feelings for Kagiura lmao
Though what I'm really getting out of all of this is that Hirano's heart definitely raced when Kagiura hugged him.
Anyway, Miyano's rambling about how the heart racing is only for new couples and you feel calmer once they feel like family makes me think of how I've long felt that kagihira kinda just skipped the crush part and went to being married. (Or want from married to crush in Kagiura's case.)
THE WAY HIRANO SLAMMED THE WINDOW BECAUSE HE THOUGHT OF KAGIURA LMAO!!!!
Oh? Oh??
LMAO THE WAY HE WENT FROM HEARTPOUNDING TO PISSED, I CAN'T
Hirano is getting closer! He doesn't feel romantic love the that it's usually depicted, but he's getting there! ... Although I wouldn't be surprised if he manages to graduate before then...
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fonulyn · 1 month
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how are things? and I was wondering if you've got a favorite fic that you wrote or if its just too hard to choose?
i've been down with a cold so things are kinda annoying but it seems to be getting better at least so maybe things are looking up :'D thanks for asking!
oh damn. it is hard to choose. and it also depends on my mood, and like... some are faves because they were fun to write, some because i like how the end result turned out, some bc friends liked them, and so forth. it depends on what kind of a favorite we're looking for :3
i scrolled through my RE fics and tried to pick only the top faves and still ended up with thirty fics :'D (and sorta sad bc so many of them were not crowd pleasers lmao)
but! shameless self-recs under the cut! (it got long lol sorry)
we didn't know how to fly so high (burned down before we reached the sky) (Chris/Leon) - this one's special because it's the first RE fic I wrote and it's what ended a three year dry spell of me not writing a single thing. it's also special because back then i could go "OH ONE NOTE!" and post the second chapter lol.
haunting in my head (tempting me, inviting me to fall asleep in its arms) (Piers/Leon) - since I picked the first one, I'm also gonna pick the latest one. this was the kind of an idea that plagued me until I got it written and i'm super pleased with how it worked out!
and it's kind of obligatory for me to mention the self-indulgent series, because for so long it was what kept me going and what kept me writing when nothing else worked. it might not be the best thing i've written but it's for sure what i've poured most love in.
tear me open (and make me whole again) (Piers/Leon, past Krauser/Leon) - from my whumptober fics this one i was the most excited about. i know it's got quite a bit of violence in it but like. i thought it hit all the right notes emotionally too, and i honestly wished it would've done better. i think it's worth it! am still happy with how it turned out.
(honorable mention to haunt you like it's part of you, another Piers/Leon and past Krauser/Leon, which is something i am really really into but apparently it's just me :'D but I really like the way the pairings clearly contrast each other tbh, i just think it's neat)
in the end it's you and I (Piers/Leon) - this is another whumptober fic I was super excited for! i'm beyond pleased with how it turned out and at least I feel all the right emotions while reading it.
all the things you are (Jake/Piers) - honestly I could've picked pretty much any of the Piers/Jake fic I've written because they were all really fun to write and their dynamic is super fun :'D I love the little bits in re6 where they interact bc they get on each other's nerves in all the right ways!
when it comes to metaltango, they're pretty much all close to my heart lol but can't help but follow in spite of going insane is something i regularly think back to and am still happy with how it turned out. same with the Krauser's back series, and question all my doubts, especially.
never too much to ask for (Piers/Leon) - this one is so very very important to me because LEON LEARNS TO BE LOVED. he learns to not only accept comfort but actually ASK FOR IT and it makes me emotional just to think about it 🥺
gonna show you tonight (Piers/Leon) - this one just makes me very happy.
and then there are the Piers/Leon ones where I've inserted Piers into a game/movie he isn't in, and honestly, those are ALL something I've had fun with and love the results! there's re2 with Piers, re4 with Piers, Damnation with Piers, and a combo of re4/Vendetta/og stuff with Piers! also the other re2 with Piers but that one only has one chapter for now so :'D
heal the scars and change the stars (Piers/Leon) - this one was based on a dream I had and I can still remember the exact vibe of the dream, and the way it haunted me afterwards, and I'm honestly really happy with the fic too. I have a thing for breaking up and getting back together it seems :'D
you're a dream (Piers/Leon) - this is something I've always always wanted to write, because soulmate aus are interesting but I've always gravitated towards imperfect soulmate systems, where it takes real effort to find them, and it's not so clear cut. and I honestly love how this turned out.
at the shore of the unknown (Piers/Leon) - another thing i always wanted to do was a soft apocalypse. this was supposed to be the first fic of a series, and the series is probably not happening, but i'm still content with the mood of this fic as is :3 i love these... slow empty worlds.
before I even knew your name (Piers/Leon) - THIS! this was SO MUCH FUN i don't know if I've ever had as much fun writing a fic :'D idk it was such a joy.
i crave therefore i am (Piers/Leon) - this fic however fought me every single step of the way, i wrote it like three times, and hated half of the process lmao, but i do love how it turned out. and the first scene is one of my all time favorite scenes i've ever written in my life.
to feel again (fwb!Chris/Leon at first, Piers/Leon eventually) - this was supposed to be a quick little oneshot but in the end it spiraled into something longer, and I do love it. like. the whole point of the Chris/Leon bit was that neither of them is the bad guy or wrong but they just weren't right for each other at that point in time, and then I enjoyed letting Leon build trust and a new relationship with Piers slowly at his own pace. 10/10 would write again :'D
last chance garage (ot3) - this one was very emotional to write and also got SO out of hand bc it was supposed to be like 1k max and in the end I wrote 8k lol. but it's my favorite ot3 fic.
winter lovin' (there's snow one like you) (Piers/Leon) - this one is super special to me because it happens in Finland :D they're vacationing on my home turf lol. but also because they're so in love, and they get to have fun and be together and. idk. the whole fic makes me all "🥺💖" like i literally turn into a physical embodiment of those two emojis. i love the fic.
stay until the end of life (Piers/Leon) - this one was also very emotional to write and I wanted to put them through a lot, and show how they really are in it for better and for worse. i wanted to show the struggles too, like... they love each other. they wanna be there for each other. but it's not always that easy. and I do think it worked out great.
three words to last forever (Piers/Leon) - I'm gonna end this way too long list with this because it's the first (and so far only) time I wrote a "choose your own ending" story and it was so much fun! I wish I could do a bigger story where you get to make multiple choices, but that would require some serious brainstorming lol. anyhow, I'm happy I got to do this! and happy with it turned out! especially the saddest ending :'D
now I'll shut up with my deepest apologies lmao.
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ironstrange1991 · 10 months
Text
Strange Love (Part 5)
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Pairing: Doctor!Strange x Fem!Reader
Synopsis: When planning a new mission, Y/n ends up getting into a confrontation with one of the Avengers. Meanwhile, Stephen tries to convince her that she needs to learn more about her powers before using them in battle.
Word Count: 6,9k
Warnings: Y/n hates a certain Avenger and has a rather peculiar view of things. This can be uncomfortable for some people who don't agree with her point of view. Other than that, we have sexual content, basically oral sex and penetration with no protection.
A/N: I'm going to endorse all of Y/n's words on the matter at hand because (obviously) that's also my point of view on the matter.
PREVIOUS CHAPTER
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Chapter 5: Stand My Ground
Back in your apartment, you concentrated very hard not to think about Loki, but deep down you were feeling bad even though you knew you hadn't done anything wrong. You weren't cheating on Loki, you had been pretty honest about your feelings. You didn't feel the same way about him, something had changed and even if you hadn't said it word by word, he knew that Stephen Strange was responsible for this change. He just didn't know that the Stephen Strange of your universe was involved. You were happy. After so much suffering, you were feeling happy and you couldn't let guilt spoil that.
Tony and Pepper returned to the tower three days later on a busy Thursday. Natasha and Clint were there too, plus Banner and Rogers and Rhodes of course. You liked the feeling of having the Tower crowded with people you liked and cared about. Of course, if you could exclude Rogers from the equation you'd be happier, but that wasn't an option.
However, with Tony's return, you became aware of murmurs and conversations and soon you realized that something was going on, something they needed to sort out and that Tony wasn't telling you. You had no idea what it was and was too distracted to catch anything.
Your mind was lost on Stephen, always on him all day. It was your first thought when you woke up and the last when you went to sleep. You couldn’t deny you were in love with him. Those were definitely symptoms of passion.
Or love. Stephen’s voice sounded in your head and you were shocked.
I'm not the one doing this, sweetheart, you're actually distracting me from what I'm doing.
You smiled to yourself in total surprise.  “Sorry, I don't know how I'm doing this.”
“What are you doing?”  Tony asked coming in and approaching with both hands in his pocket.
Oops, dad caught us. Stephen’s voice teased you.
You concentrated on trying to end that mental link with him and were surprised when you could physically feel it slipping away. As if an uncomfortable pressure on the side of your head disappeared.
“You said you didn't know how you were doing it.”
You decided to stay close to the truth.
“This thing in my head, it's getting out of hand.”
He looked at you worriedly.
“Is everything okay, Tony?”
He smiled trying to hide his concern. “Well, I'm glad you mentioned that thing on your head... I need your help.”
You nodded. “Of course, whatever you need.”
He sat in the sofa next to you. There's a guy, we suspect he has weapons made with technology from Strucker's lab.
“What kind of weapons?” You asked already feeling anxious.
"The dangerous kind. Strucker was working with Loki's scepter.”
“The mind stone.”
Tony agreed.
“Does this guy have a name?”
Tony ran a hand over his face. “I don't know, Rogers knows him. I think he's called Crossbones." He shrugged “You know, nowadays any idiot gives himself a cool name...”
“What…?”
Tony looked at you surprised “Do you know him?”
You nodded. “Worked for Hydra. I know him, but Rogers knows him a lot better.”
Tony shooked his head. “Yeah, It looks like Rogers thought he was dead, but that's not what happened. He came to me asking for help to put an end to the guy.”
Your blood boiled in your veins and you got up. Why did everything that went wrong always have to be related to Steve Rogers?
“Lagos.”
“What’s that?” Tony seemed confused by your sudden irritation.
“Rogers lost him in Lagos. That's when it all happened. The Civil War.”
Tony didn't seem to keep up. “What civil war?”
You sighed in a rare moment of impatience with Tony. “People name big things that happens with the Avengers, Tony. I thought you knew that.” You sighed trying to stay calm. “That's not the point. The Civil War was when the Sokovia accords came out. The fight at Leipzig Airport, all that, that's what they call it.”
Tony nodded getting slightly more serious. Memories of the event flooded back to his mind, apparently.
“Rogers... everything that happened was his fault. What came later with the accords was a consequence of his actions and everything he did…”
Tony ran a hand over his face and seeing him shaken like that just by the memory of that event infuriated you even more, bringing out a protective instinct towards him that you didn't even know existed. Usually you were his protégé, but sometimes Tony needed someone to care for him. Though he liked the name, he was far from being iron made.
“What they did to you, the way they acted... and now he says he didn't solve the case?”
“Listen...” He ran his hand over his face. “I'm not going to defend the guy, he screwed up, but we need to solve this.”
“How can you take this so calmly? Tony, I cried all night when I saw what he did to you.”
Tony took your hand in his. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It's not about him, it's about the people who might get hurt if this lunatic decides to use these weapons. He asked me for help, I'll take over the case, but I need your help.”
He grabbed your shoulder. “Will you help me?”
You sighed. “Of course. I'll do anything for you, Tony.”
He smiled “And I for you.”
You tried to put your thoughts in order. “I'll try to locate him. Is that what you need?”
“Yes. Thank you, darling.”
It wasn't long before you managed to see Crossbones. The use of your mental abilities was starting to freak you out. You had no doubt that you had exceptional powers and abilities, but you had no control over them and wondered how far you could go without the help of someone who could teach you how to deal with them.
Crossbones had a secret laboratory in a disused power plant in Ukraine. When you told him what you discovered, Tony called a meeting to decide all the details of the plan for the attack and asked you to pass the information to the other Avengers.
“The plant has been deactivated for more than 40 years.” Natasha informed after researching the name and location that you gave her.
You nodded. “Only Strucker's men roam the place” You explained. “Anyone who stands in our way is an enemy.”
“They don't even imagine we're going, so it will be easier than we thought.” Rhodes stated. “I still think we should put the army in front of this.”
“If we use the army the government will know about the mission and it's not what we want”  Rogers said with his calm voice that always got to irritate you.
“We have the element of surprise, but it won't be easy” Tony explained. “Y/n took a look at the weapons they created.”
“The weapons are dangerous” You  said. “They have weapons with firepower equivalent to half the bomb used on Hiroshima. The others are even more disturbing.”
“What kind of weapons are we talking about?” Rogers asked.
“The dangerous kind” You replied dryly without looking at him. “They are weapons with cognitive-psychic powers.”
Natasha seemed scared and you knew the mind control thing was something that could mess with her because of her forced process to become a Black Widow.
“If they use it, they can turn us against each other” Banner said, understanding.
"It wouldn't be the first time something involving Crossbones has put one Avenger against another," You replied.
“So, what's the plan?” Nat asked.
“I came up...” Rogers started, but you stared at him and he stopped.
“I believe that the weapons reach the mind through a peculiar sound it makes, something imperceptible to our ears, but which has a cognitive behavioral effect.”
“In other words” Tony said smiling at you like a proud father. “Ear plugs developed with nanotechnology.”
Tony showed the devices you created together.
“What if it doesn't work?” Rogers asked. “Or if something goes wrong? We need a plan in case this goes wrong.”
“Like it happened in Lagos?” You asked and he didn't answer. Everyone was silent. “Explain to me, Captain, this is your mess, isn't it? Or does no one else remember what happened in Lagos?” You asked the others sitting now in dead silence. “All those people died because of you. “
“I made a mistake” He said staring his own hands.
“You made many mistakes and I'm sorry if I can't do like everyone else and pretend that nothing happened. Pretending that you and Wanda Maximoff weren't responsible for hundreds of deaths in Nigeria and swallowing your arrogant face wanting to give orders and make plans.”
Everyone was stunned, but you couldn't stop talking, the words just kept coming out of your mouth.
“The great Captain America. The first Avenger.” You looked at him spitting the words like they were poison in your mouth. “You're not living in a bubble anymore, Captain. The world just got bigger. There are bigger fishes now and if we take away the serum and your arrogance, what's left?”
Tony glanced at you understanding exactly where you got those words from.
Rogers remained silent. Fists clenched.
“I'll say... mistakes. It's what's left. Many mistakes. You can play nice all you want, but when things got really tough you weren't there to help. And I'm not talking about guns dealers.”
“Y/n…” Tony’s voice was shaky. “Let it go.”
But you just couldn't let go. Not when you'd seen in Tony's eyes how much it still hurt.
“The missile in NY? Tony. Sokovia in the air? Thor and Tony.”
You took a step towards him. “A spaceship has invaded Manhattan. Where were you?”
He looked at you, clearly shaken by your words.
“You were never there. You're good at making promises, but not very good at keeping them, are you? Unless of course we're talking about your dear friend Bucky. For him all promises are kept. All the... secrets.”
Tony ran a hand over his face.
“So when I say we have a plan, you accept the plan because this is your fault and we are cleaning up the shit you did. Don't question it because you have no right to question. You shouldn't even be here, but I'm not the one who decides, am I? I'm just suggesting that next time, unless you got your hand in that gauntlet and destroyed Thanos and his entire army with a snap of your fingers... shut the fuck up.”
Tony looked at you, clearly upset about the situation, but something in his eyes showed he was glad those words were spoken.
You sighed. “But I'm going to leave now, and you can put together a plan in case I'm wrong and the Captain is right. After all, he likes to be right, even when he rarely is.”
Rogers stared at you mutely as you left the room leaving them in complete silence.
You  went up to your apartment and made yourself some tea to try to calm your nerves. You knew perfectly well that you shouldn't have lost control, but you had it all stuck in your throat for years.
You drank tea slowly and distracted yourself finishing some French exercises that were already late and then your phone rang, it was Stephen.
“What you were doing unintentionally” He said. “I think I know a way to help you learn to control.”
 “ How?” You asked confused.
“Well... it involves other issues that I would like to talk about. Can we have dinner tonight?”
You thought for a second. “Of course. Yes, please, I would love to get away from this environment today.”
“What happened?” He asked confused.
“It’s nothing. Well, I'll tell you at dinner.”
“I'll pick you up at 8 pm. What do you think?”
“Great. Will you drive us there or just open a portal?” You asked teasing him.
“Unfortunately I don't think opening a portal it’s a very discreet way to enter a restaurant” He said laughing that deep and dazzling laugh. “At 8pm, then.”
“Can’t wait.”
You hung up the phone and Natasha was behind you.
“I'm sorry, the door was open.”
“No, it wasn’t.” You replied dryly already a bit defensive.
She nodded. “It wasn’t locked.”
“If you came here to scold me, it's a waste of time. Nobody in the world is going to convince me that Steve Rogers didn't deserve to hear that.”
Natasha nodded. “I didn't come to scold you. Rogers can be...difficult to deal with. You don't like him. You don’t need to.”
“Good, I'm relieved to know.”
“Actually I came to ask how you are” She said sitting in the armchair next to you. “After everything that happened... I didn't have the opportunity to say how sorry I am.”
You took a deep breath “Thank you, Nat. I'm fine, I'm feeling better.”
She nodded and then looked at the cell phone in your hand. “And does this improvement have anything to do with this date you are going to?”
You didn't answer right away which she took as a yes.
“Tony said you broke up with Loki”
“I  wasn't talking to Loki.”
She glanced at you with those watchful eyes and then she smiled. “I knew you guys had a thing.”
“We don’t.”
“Yes, you have.” Natasha smiled, seeing you fall into her usual trick. She seemed happy for some reason. “He's a nice guy.  Doctor, sorcerer...”
“Master of the mystic arts” You corrected her and she smiled, seeing you unintentionally confirm it.
“A little bit old and very old-fashioned with that goatee, but if that's what you're into...”
“Are you talking about me?” Tony asked and then apologized. “The door was open.”
“It wasn’t” You and Nat answered in unison.
Tony looked at you with his hands in his pockets. “Rogers left. I think you hurt him.”
You rolled your eyes.
“I came here to thank you. Really. But I don't think it's worth, Y/n... I've already tortured myself too much for everything that happened, I don't want you to suffer for me.”
You shook your head. “I'm sorry, Tony, I just... lost my temper.”
He agreed “That happens. He needed to hear... like twelve percent of everything you said.”
"The rest was a bit mean" Natasha said.
You smiled mischievously and he sat down next to you.
“We’ll keep the plan, then?” You asked.
Natasha nodded. “Apparently yes. It’s a good plan.”
“So, what were you talking about?” Tony asked and you gave Nat a serious look, pleading with your eyes for her not to say anything. She gave you a mischievous smile, but remained silent.
“Remember what I said about doing things I can't control?” You asked once again sticking to the truth.
He nodded.
“Stephen promised to help me. He said there might be a way to control it.
“That's great” He said seeming a bit confused “I didn't know you were talking after... everything that happened.”
You smiled “Stephen is a nice guy.”
“And he is a wizard” Natasha completed.
“Sorcerer” Tony corrected her.
“Is there a difference?”
“I think he prefers the term master of the mystic arts, but sorcerer works too.” You said.
Natasha stared at you with a smile “His goatee is old-fashioned”
“Come on, we're facial hair bros” Tony said indignantly.
“I think this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard” Natasha said getting up. “Anyway, say hi for me when you see him” She said winking and leaving.
Tony looked at you noticing you were staring at him. “What is it?”
You smiled. “I love you” You said hugging him tight. “You are the most important person for me in this world.”
He wrapped you in his arms a bit surprised with the declaration of love. “Then promise me you will never leave.”
You sighed heavily “I promise.”
You laid there cuddled with him and for a second Stephen crossed your mind and you wondered if your relationship with him, not that it was exactly a relationship, perhaps not yet, but your clearly wanted it to be. Anyway, you wondered if Tony would approve. His approval was very important to you because, as you said to him, he was the only one that mattered to you.
You were distracted with your chores when the doorbell rang. You answered and Pepper stood at the doorway smiling shyly.
“Hey, are you busy? I can come back later.”
“No. Come in.” You said. She looked apprehensive. “Is everything okay, Pepper?”
She smiled looking around your apartment. “Ah it's so beautiful here now that you put all your stuff. I helped Tony decorate.”
You closed the door “A feminine touch is always nice”
“Yeah, I contained a bit of Tony's extravagances too.”
You gestured towards the sofa. “Thank you for that. Well, sit, please.”
She sat down shyly and you waited for her to say why she was there.
She sighed “Thank you for saying those things earlier today.”
You were surprised.
“I wish I had the courage to say it myself many times, but I'm relieved someone did.” She looked away. “I sleep with Tony every night and I saw what that whole situation did to him. What fighting Thanos, using that gauntlet did to him.”
You nodded “Someone needed to put Rogers in his place.”
She agreed. “Tony suffered a lot from everything that happened, it was very difficult.”
“I know, I... I saw everything Pepper, I suffered from afar for everything that happened and I really wanted to be on his side, I really wanted to be able to say that he was right.”
Your eyes filled with tears that you wiped away.
“You said the other day that coming here was a mistake, but I don't agree. You were the best thing that ever happened to Tony. He needed a friend. He has Rhodes, but it’s not the same.”
You smirked. “Second best thing that happened to him, then. You are everything to him Pepper. You, Rhodes and Happy were the ones who kept him in line, you're the people who never turned their backs on him.”
She nodded. “He loves you very much” She said also getting emotional. “He cares about you, I care about you. You are very important to us. You are part of our family now.”
You shook your head “I know.”
“Tony doesn't think he needs it, but he needs us to take care of him. We are all he has and he is all we have”
It was 8 pm and you were ready to leave but you stopped thinking about what you would say to Tony. When he was home, he knew about everything, Friday kept him informed of who was coming and going and that made you rethink the idea of ​​going out by conventional means, but it was too late and you could see Stephen's car parked in front of the tower.
You took a deep breath and went down hoping not to bump at anyone on the way, but as you approached the exit, you saw Tony parking and getting out of the car with Pepper at his side. You watched as Stephen got out of the car and greeted him. 
“I'm sorry to inform you, but I’m not working today. Schedule an appointment with Ms. Potts.” Tony said and then looked at Stephen from head to toe. “It's even weirder to see you dressed like a normal guy, I thought you only wore your monk clothes” Tony said and as you approached  he noted you.
You were wearing a reasonably simple black dress, totally normal, but you still feared what he might think.
“I invited Y/n to dinner. I hope you don't mind” Stephen said ignoring Tony's provocations completely. “Hi, Pepper.”
"Hi Stephen" She replied, smiling.
Tony greeted you with a kiss on your cheek and then turned to look at Stephen. “I'm glad you mentioned it, because I...”
“He doesn't mind at all.” Pepper said answering for him. “Have a great dinner.”
Tony gave up on his argument and the two left, entering the Tower.
Stephen and You looked at each other laughing softly. “Are you sure this is the guy you love?”  He asked teasing you while opening the car door.
"Yes, I do" You said, smiling as you walked in. He turned around, started the engine and drove fast through town.
You had dinner at a beautiful Italian restaurant. Stephen looked even more handsome than the last time you saw him. You loved seeing him in a suit.
"Tony will ask questions" You said, sighing.
“Like everything else, Stark seems to think that you are also his property” Stephen replied looking at the drinks catalogue. You thought you felt a bit of jealousy in his voice, but you also could have imagined it.
“He feels responsible for me and I like having him around taking care of me. I've never had anyone to do that.”
He nodded with a smirk then called the waiter and ordered a shot of whiskey.
“What are you going to tell him if he asks about us.”
You thought for a moment. “I don't know what to say, but it won't take Tony long to figure it out by himself.”
He smirked. “The truth is always a good idea.”
The waiter brought his drink and a bottle of water for you. “Are you ready to order, sir.”
“No, not at the moment.” Stephan replied and the waiter nodded leaving you alone.
“Would it be so absurd to tell the truth?”  He asked and only then you realized how much he wanted that. He wanted Tony to know about it.
“No”
He smiled. “Tell him what you think is best, he will believe anything you say.”
You nodded and he took a sip of his drink and stared at you with those blue eyes seeming to pondering his next words. “Potts seems to handle the situation so naturally.”
“What situation?”
“That romance between you and Tony.”
You smiled. “She came to my apartment today to thank me for defending Tony. She said he needs people to take care of him. I think that proves that she's really okay with our relationship.”
Stephen seemed incredulous “And what did you have to defend him from?”
You sighed. “Not what. Whom. Steve Rogers.”
“Oh, are they fighting again?”
You shrugged. “There is a mission to solve. A madman with psychosomatic weapons made from the Mind Stone. It turns out that this guy is only alive because Rogers faltered and everything that came after, the Sokovia accords, was a consequence of that mistake.”
Stephen shook his head. “I remember all the news at the time, I was still working at the hospital in Manhattan.”
“Please don't tell me you sided with Rogers.”
He denied it. “Both sides seemed wrong at the time.”
You strongly disagreed, but didn't say so.
“Tony asked me to help him find these guy. I found them in Ukraine. We will attack the location and take the weapons. Tony and I put together the plan with the information I got, but Rogers didn't seem to trust my abilities and I ended up losing my temper and saying some things he needed to hear for many years.”
Stephen frowned. “You said we”
“What? Did you hear what I said?”
He nodded “You put Rogers in his place” He said impatiently. “Is it serious that Stark is going to put you in the field on a mission with psychosomatic weapons?”
You blinked surprised with his annoyance. And the way he put it made you falter. “I... haven't asked him yet, but…”
He sighed in relief. “I'll speak to him personally so he won't let you go.”
“Stephen!”
“Listen, I know you feel you can do this and that's what you want, but it's too dangerous and you need training. We barely know how to deal with these skills, imagine in a battle!”
Part of you was ecstatic that he had referred to the situation using "we", indicating that he felt responsible for you, but you strongly disagreed. “I need to help Tony”
“If you want to help him the best way to do it is in the safety of the Tower and not in the field where he will be worried about you and may make mistakes for not being focused on the mission.”
When he put it like that it seemed too obvious. You went silent.
He extended his hand across the table and you took it. “At some point you will become an important part of the Avengers. Your skills can be of extreme help to them, but right now you need to focus on learning to control them.”
I nodded “You're right, I'm being naive.”
He denied “No, you are thinking of defending him as you did when he argued with Rogers, but Stark knows how to take care of himself, I saw him fighting, he is very good.”
You nodded and then he smiled trying to change the subject.
“What happened earlier today, you were having difficulty concentrating, left your mind open and vulnerable for a long time.”
You blushed –“I'm sorry, I don't know how I did that.”
He smiles “You don't have to apologize. I'm glad it happened to me.”
You smiled at him a little sheepishly.
“But it could be very dangerous if in my place it was someone who wanted to harm you, so I suggest we work on that.”
“I don't know how to control it. I didn't do these things before.”
He looked interested “Tell me how this all started.” You thought for a moment trying to remember “They were thoughts. I dreamed sometimes, I could hear things that happened, but they were just suggestions, but it was enough for me to know it was real because I could feel it.” You shook your head “I don’t know how to explain”
"Is that how you made the decision to come here to find Stark?"
You nodded.
“And when did it start to change? To evolve.”
“When I got to NY, I...”
He waited watching you with those suggestive eyes.
“I didn't get the reception I thought I would. Everyone was worried when I arrived, some of them wanted me to come home. Only Tony, Pepper and Natasha stayed by my side, but I still felt like a fish out of water. I felt alone and Thor was all over the place with all that agonizing sadness.” You sighed.
"Keep going" he said.
“His sadness implied an absence...”
Stephen seemed uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation.
“I started thinking too much about Loki. If all this was real, these people, I wanted him to be there, for him to be real for me. But he was dead. Killed by Thanos or so we thought.”
Stephen understood “It was your first mind connection. With Loki.”
“I didn't realize what I was doing. It wasn’t intentional.”
Stephen's discomfort implied a jealousy that was strange and new to you. He barely mentioned Loki's name  “And so he answered. How?”
“ You felt your face blush “He came to me first in my dreams and one night he was in my room. It was the first time I saw him.”
Stephen sighed looking around, called the waiter and turned back to you. “Ready to order?”
You agreed and you ordered your food. You weren't really hungry.
“It's possible that your abilities were suppressed by the environment you lived in. Your parents house was hostile, I imagine, once you decided to leave it all behind and just ran away.”
You nodded, uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation but knowing that at some point it would have to come out.
Stephen soon realized that you didn't want to talk about it and moved on “But once you moved away from the environment that oppressed you your abilities began to expand immeasurably because there was no longer a barrier blocking it’s development, on the contrary, you said that Thor it made you think of Loki, so he was a trigger.”
“But then it kept increasing” You said still confused and trying to understand everything he was explaining to you. “With Loki's presence the visions began and now this...”
Stephen sighed. “Well, the stimulation with Loki around have also increased” He said against his will “The presence of Loki, your sudden relationship with him... I believe that what we are seeing is only a fraction of your capabilities and that they will increase a lot more.”
“My sudden relationship with Loki.” You repeated slight offended.
He grimaced. "It wasn’t exactly a healthy thing."
“Why not?” You asked still not understanding.
“Oh sorry, I thought it was implied in my face of disgust the whole time…”
“It's as natural as any other relationship...”
“With Loki? The god of mischief? Literally  the father of lies…”
You could barely answer and he realized he had overreacted so he just stopped talking.
“It wasn't sudden. I've always been drawn to Loki.”
He agreed sighing “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have spoken like that.”
You agreed and went back to the subject that really mattered. “I'm afraid of these skills, Stephen.”
“You need to learn to have control over them” He said understanding that you were upset “With the right direction there is nothing to fear.”
“Will you teach me?”
He smiled proudly. The idea seemed to amuse him, but he denied it. “Wong would be a better teacher, he has experience and discipline.”
You hesitated a bit “I don't know if it's a good idea, Wong is... too serious.”
Stephen let out a small laugh. “Maybe this is what you need. You need to take this issue more seriously.”
You nodded “I don't understand why I have this... thing. No one in my family does these things. They are normal people. Boring people.”
“Magic, contrary to all the bullshit we see in pop culture, is not hereditary, it is an individual condition that develops in evolved minds.”
“I don't do magic, Stephen.”
“You’re sure?”
You rolled your eyes. “Oh sure, I'll become the next Sorcerer Supreme.”
He smiled  “The Ancient One would have liked you. And she would be the best mentor you could ever dream of having. She taught me everything I know.”
You sighed knowing that it hurt him to think about his mentor. “I'm sorry you lost her. I’m sorry it was too soon.”
He nodded “She told me that she saw all the possibilities of my future. I wonder if she foresaw the things I did and everything that happened after.”
You held his hand “You and Tony saved the world. You are a hero, Doctor Strange.”
He smiled but seemed to disagree “Many people fought that day to save the world.”
“But it was you and Tony who made everything work.”
He agreed in disagree apparently.
You had dinner and got back in the car, Stephen pulled you in for a kiss before starting the engine and driving back to the Tower.
He stopped in front of the entrance and you stared at him confused.
“Won't you come in?”
He denied “I'd rather not risk bumping on Stark again.”
You pulled him to your lips, thrusting your tongue into his mouth in an extremely sexual kiss that demonstrated how much you wanted him.
He smiled cocky. “Wait for me upstairs.”
You smiled in agreement. You went up in the elevator, went straight to your apartment and found Tony waiting for you on the sofa.
He smiled. “I was worried, I needed to see you before bed.”
You closed the door and went to him sitting next to him “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything is fine. I just... with everything that happened I think I am traumatized. Knowing you're not in the tower made me anxious, that's all.”
“I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me all the time, Tony. I don’t want to be a burden.”
He scowled "You only have me to worry about you, I need to make this right. And don’t ever say that again. You are not a burden"
You smiled reassuringly. “Pepper was here this afternoon. She came to thank me for what I said to Rogers.”
He looked surprised. “Really?”
“She cares about you, I care about you and you care about me. I guess that means it's normal to worry about the people we love. We are family, Tony.”
He agreed. “Yeah, you’re right, but let's face it you scared me a few times, like the last few weeks.
You nodded “ I'm sorry.”
“That's okay. Let’s try to put a stone on it.”
You smiled and he hesitated looking curious “But then... going out to dinner with Doctor Strange... I have to admit that it surprised me.”
You smiled trying to sound as casual as possible “He wanted to talk about my skills. He wants Wong to help me to learn more about them. That’s all.”
Tony agreed “That's good. It’s a really good idea.  Will you?”
“I need too.” You agreed trying not to show how nervous you were. There would be no way to explain if Stephen opened a portal and entered there and considering that the Sanctum was not that far away and Stephen drove very fast, this could happen at any moment.
Tony sighed “I like to see you living in this apartment, doing your thing, having friends. I want you to feel well here, it's your home.”
“I know. I will never be able to thank you enough for everything you did for me.”
He got up. “ Just promise me you’ll stay around. You won’t leave. That’s all that matters.”
You smiled “I won’t go anywhere, I promise.”
He smiled then got up “I'll let you rest, now. Goodnight, darling.”
You hugged him tight, stronger than the casual moment asked and he noticed and squeezed you in his arms too. “I Love you, Tony. Good night.”
You  stood there as he left and closed the door. You loved him so much that your chest hurt, You had never loved anyone the way you loved Tony.
You turned Your attention back to the moment and went to your room. You went to the closet and took off your clothes, leaving only your lingerie and you smiled when you heard the soft squeak of the portal opening in the bedroom. You went to him and leaned against the wall, he came to you, both hands on your face and he kissed you deeply and you hold him by the nape of his neck and he pulled you to his lap, your legs wrapped around his hips and he put you on your sideboard leaning against the wall
"I thought you weren't coming" You said into his lips.
He kissed you smiling on your lips “How could I not to come after that kiss?”
You tugged on his suit to get rid of it and he unbuttoned his shirt and took it off. You caressed his bare chest, your lips moved down to his neck and shoulder and you bit down gently there.
He unfastened your bra and took it off and cupped your breast in his hand squeezing gently as his lips trailed down your neck.
"Tony was here a minute before you arrived." Your legs tightened around him, yearning for his touch.
He gently lowered your panties.
“I don't want to talk about Tony Stark right now” He said taking your panties off and then he kissed you again tasting your lips slowly.
“Do you think he would mind if he knew about us?” You asked on his lips.
He brought his hand to the middle of your legs and stroked there gently and then he thrust a finger inside you slowly moving it back and forth.
“ Right now, I really don't care” He said lowly forcing his finger and then put another one penetrating slowly.
You moaned squirming in his hand as he watched you melt away in pleasure. He smiled and kissed you and then picked you up and put you on the bed and spread your legs further with his hands. His lips trailed down your stomach to the inside of your thigh and dipped between your legs where he licked and sucked masterfully, his beard brushing your skin there and the feeling was so good,  you could barely contain yourself.
You moaned loudly holding his hair and he continued and your legs shook with the uncontrollable pleasure he gave you. You pulled Stephen back to your lips and he kissed you smiling while turning his fingers inside you to touch exactly the perfect spot he knew your loved.
“Stephen...”
He penetrated two fingers while stroking your clit with circular gestures of his thumb and you squirmed in his hand and he smiled smugly, completed satisfied of seeing you melting beneath him.
He got up taking off his pants and underwear and came back between your legs making way with his waist. His cock already totally hard, he caressed it for a second and your eyes didn't leave him. He put his fingers on you again feeling all your wetness and then put only the tip on your entrance, hesitating, analyzing, provocating you.
“Stephen…”
He forced himself to enter you with a single thrust and you moaned loudly squirming under him feeling all his huge cock inside you. He leaned back on the mattress and fucked you hard and fast understanding that was the way you liked it.
...
You woke up in the middle of the night and Stephen was sleeping beside you on your bed. You stood there watching him sleep. There was no reason to deny it, You were completely in love with him. He was perfect in everything. The man was a god of sex. He had made your cum three time only in that night.
You got up and dressed your hobby and left the room. You were heading towards the kitchen when you noticed something in the living room and screamed scared.
“It's okay, it's me.” He said leaving the meditation position in which he was. Floating.
“What the hell are you doing?” You asked staring at his scary astral form. He looked like a ghost.
“Meditating... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.”
You stared at him in disbelief. “You're sleeping... how do you do that?”
He smiled. “My body needs to sleep, my mind on the other hand needs to stay active, I like to enjoy the night.”
"That's weird" You said.
“I shouldn't do that here, you're right…”
“It's okay” You smiled looking at him.
“Give me a second, I'll be right back” He said disappearing and you went to the kitchen to drink water. You heard the door opening and he appeared with a sleepy face smiling “That's better.”
He walked over and kissed you softly on the lips.
As you had completely lost sleep you decided to put the kettle on to boil and make some tea.
"Your mind also needs to rest" You said, scolding him.
He agreed “I don't do this every night, well most nights.”
You sighed understanding that there was no point in arguing “You almost scared me to death.”
He sighed leaning in the counter and then changed the subject “You asked me before if Tony would mind if he knew we were together…” He sat on the counter watching you prepare the tea. “Would you like him to know?”
“I'm tired of secrets, Stephen” You said “I’m tired of doing things in secret thinking about what they would say if they knew, but as much as I don't want to care about what everyone has to say...
“You care for what Tony has to say.”
You nodded “He's not just anyone.”
Stephen thanked you when you handed him the cup of tea.
“I don't know what we're doing Stephen, I don't know where you want to go with this, but... you know I'm in love with you and I don't want to have to keep hiding.”
“There is no need to hide it” He looked at you seriously “When you left the Sanctum that day, Wong asked me if I was sure about what I was doing … about you”
“And what did you say”
He cupped your face and pulled you closer to him “That I'm in love with you, that all the things that happened brought us together and that I feel like you're the only person who understands what I'm going through since...”
“I know.”
He smiled “I understand that you have doubts about us, but I don't. Let them know.”
You smiled sipping your tea.
“Do you think Stark would mind?” He seemed concerned about your answer. He was beginning to understand that Tony had a huge influence on you.
“I think Tony wants to see me happy. He's already worried about me too much.
Stephen nodded and then chuckled “Romanoff hinted a while back that we'd have something, Stark wasn't too happy about the idea.”
“When did she say that?”
“When we were trying to rescue you from him.”
You nodded “It's impossible to fool Natasha, she realizes things even before we do. She knows I was going to have dinner with you yesterday.”
He agreed.
You put your empty cup in the counter “I need you to tell me what to do, I... I don't know how to handle any of this alone.”
He hugged you resting his head on your chest and you stroked his hair. You  held his head and kissed him sweetly on the lips. He smiled at you “You'll be fine and you don't have to do anything alone, never again.”
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