#I couldn't decide which version I will set in the posting so...now we have both versions :3

[aduckwithears]

Let's Talk Laudanum - a GO meta

Hey all - I'm gonna preface this one with a tw/cw for opioids, death, suicide, and substance abuse ok? It shouldn't be too heavy (just canon typical), but I don't want anyone surprised.

Ok! I've been watching some of the Good Omens s2 behind the scenes specials, and in the "Grave Danger" clip it mentions that Laudanum is "...a very intense kind of alcohol, or like ethanol, that would kill somebody…" which is not actually true. In the show itself we see the bottle:

Which confirms that laudanum is a combo of Opium (45 and 1/2 grains per ounce) and Alcohol (40%).

It also says Poison and CMOT Dibbler... The poison angle (is it poison? well yes... if you take enough) has been covered in another post by @queerfables who talked about the make up of laudanum as well. CMOT Dibbler is a great nod to Sir Terry of course :)

What do I want to add? That yes, laudanum is in fact an opioid, and was actually an incredibly popular and over-used drug in the 18th and 19th centuries, both in real life and maybe more importantly in novels of the time. Proceed under the cut!

In my non-duck life I work in a field with some familiarity with opioids, so I also want to add that while yes, opioids can make you loopy, they are ultimately a soporific (meaning a sleep aid, a downer, a relaxant), a pain reducer, cough suppressant, and a respiratory depressant. That last bit is why they can be deadly in the case of an overdose.

So let's get back to laudanum. Yes, it was used post-surgically, but quite often would also be prescribed to (predominantly) women with various aches or pains that their doctors couldn't (or wouldn't bother) investigating. Subsequently women would become addicted to the opioid, needing more and more to achieve the desired effect, leading to eventual death or any of the other mental, emotional, or socioeconomic ills of addition.

Given the above and the era's fascination with the "sexiness" of wasting diseases such as consumption (hmmm, cough plus pain, perfect for treatment with laudanum!) laudanum was also a little bit of a romantic drug. It was also popular in novels of the era such as those in the Gothic Romance genre. (A quick peek at Wikipedia turns up lots of examples... though I'm sure a literature expert of the era would have lots more to add.)

All of which to say! The Resurrectionists as a minisode is channeling some pure Gothic Romance (think Mary Shelley's Frankenstein - pub 1818, etc) so laudanum is the PERFECT poison for Elspeth to pick. It dulls pain and at sufficient doses suppresses the respiratory system to the point of death. Without the modern miracle of Narcan or naloxone, death is all but assured. Of course, then, enter Crowley.

You know what laudanum doesn't do? Give you an Alice in Wonderland experience and make you specifically shouty about people not killing themselves. Now, this could be how opioids affect demons (it's possible), or the more entertaining option is that Crowley has no clue what laudanum is or isn't supposed to do, saw the poison and alcohol label, and decided to have a bit of fun while doing some deniable (the laudanum made me do it! honest!) good. It's also handy that he doesn't need to do mundane human things like breathing. So he gets to sing about Scotland, save the human, and get hugged by Aziraphale - pretty good day... until he gets Lightning Sanded to Hell.

I'll just add here that the laudanum plot line works well if we are taking the minisodes at face value... OR if we are reading them as Aziraphale's version of events of the past, especially with the literary aspect.

Bonus: If you've made it this far, maybe you'll come along with me on a little cross-fandom jaunt.

I'm also a massive fan of the Aubrey/Maturin series - Patrick O'Brian's books set in the early 1800s and starring Captain Jack Aubrey and Doctor Stephen Maturin. If you've read the series or even watched the Master and Commander movie you may know... those two characters have their own odd couple thing going on and quite a collection on AO3 :) . Anyhow. In the books Stephen is hooked on laudanum for a good while, mostly to dull the pain of a love that cannot be acted on. That's actually what got me started thinking about this post since there are certainly some parallels there.

Thanks for sticking with me on this ramble!

#good omens meta #the resurrectionists #laudanum #tw opioids #tw substance abuse #tw death #1827 #good omens s2 #good omens 2 #the resurrectionists minisode #a duck talks #gos2 #good omens #aziraphale #crowley #tw suicide

[purrincess-chat]

Just to clarify that we are all watching the same show (bc I've seen so many takes that make me question my sanity), let's do a love square run down. Correct me if I'm wrong, but:

LadyNoir: Chat put aside his feelings for Ladybug after spending the entirety of s4 being sidelined and chastised for having feelings for her. Ladybug made a mistake with Adrien that has made her too traumatized to pursue him, so she turned to Chat Noir who has now stated that he only loves her as a friend. (Which is probably a lie, he more than likely still loves her but is just trying to respect boundaries she set in s4)

MariChat: Marinette loves Chat bc of her interactions/friendship with him as Ladybug (Chat does not know this). Chat Noir loves Marinette bc of his interactions/friendship with her as Adrien (Marinette does not know this). They both pretty much decided that they couldn't be together in this way, even if it hurts, as a result of information they don't have. (Identities)

Adrinette: Again, Marinette harbors a lot of trauma surrounding Adrien (Adrien does not know this) so she's running away from feelings she clearly still has. Adrien, after giving Ladybug space and growing closer to Marinette, is in love with Marinette and actively pursuing her. This will likely still be a problem bc of the way Marinette is currently feeling, but he's gonna try. Results are pending.

Ladrien: No where to be seen in s5 atm, but we can glean from the other sides that Ladybug would likely be apprehensive around him, and Adrien would probably be respectful/polite. They both know she screwed up and is likely feeling some kind of way about that.

Did I get that right? Is there another version of canon floating around out there that other people are watching? Am I missing an episode? Please let me know for my sanity bc if I have to read another 'x side is canon, all the others are dead' post when none of the sides are actually canon right now, I just might lose it, yall.

#ml spoilers #the love square isnt dead nor is it canon #yall understand that right? #it's important to me that you guys understand that #ml fandom salt #ladrien #adrinette #adrienette #ladynoir #marichat #anyway happy monday morning #im tired both literally and figuratively

[20dollarlolita]

An absurdly and unnecessarily over-the-top and thorough breakdown of using my embroidery machine for a cosplay piece.

Part 1) The piece:

Many iterations of Princess Zelda from the Legend of Zelda series has this tapestry front piece. I've looked for a technical name for this piece as well as extant examples of it from our history, and my research is indicating that it's just a fantasy piece and doesn't have a name.

So we're calling it an apron. IDK. "Heraldic apron," sounds fancy enough.

One of the things that's been a bitch through all cosplay of all time is custom textiles. Since the early days of cosplay, we've been looking for ways to handle this at home. Back when I got into cosplay and took it really seriously, Worbla hadn't been invented, there was no Friendly Plastic, Wonderflex had to be purchased in 15-yard lots, the Glowforge and home 3D printing was just a fantasy, and Cricut machines ran off cartridges and couldn't design from your computer. Also, when I was cosplaying seriously, I was a college student with no job and a $100/month allowance for food (which I spent on cosplay, mostly). We didn't do fancy shit. You know what we did?

We had fuckin' hand-traced and hand-cut stencils. Mother fuckin' freezer. Paper. Stencils. Now, this version of Zelda that 2009 Me is cosplaying up there does have a much simpler heraldic apron than Ocarina of Time Zelda does. However, since I've gotten access to embroidery machines, I've had this great need to remake this sort of concept with adult me's current budget and skill set.

Now, there's a few issues from the start about making this. The notable one is that the in-game textures for the apron do not completely line up with the official artwork. When you start looking at the 3DS remakes, they re-textured the apron, giving us yet a third canonical way that this thing might be laid out.

Obviously, the easiest thing to do is to get several references, and then to slap them next to each other and compare. I've got GIMP pulled up here, and have several versions here. I adjusted color levels until the pattern in the garment was as clear as I could make it. There's horizontal guide lines going across to divide the apron into sections. We'll call those sections thusly, top to bottom: Triforce, Eyeball, Bird, 8 Rectangles, and V.

***

This is going to be long and boring. I have my reasons for writing a long and boring post, but sadly, I'm not able to share them without becoming un-boring, thus defeating the purpose of this work.

***

I forgot to label them, so that reference image is, from left to right: N64 screenshot, 3DS screenshot, N64 character model, small inset at the bottom is 3DS, official artwork that was released alongside the N64 game, a heraldic tabard, some official rendering of the Hylian crest, and another 3DS screenshot.

Some are pretty self-explanatory, and some are more open to interpretation. Notably, let's take a look at the Bird section. The official artwork and the 3DS remake both distinctly have the Hylian Family Crest there. The N64 version has a very distinctly different bird thing.

So, I had to decide, which one do I put on my apron? I had to consider several things, but one of them was the process of how game textures from the N64 era were made. Textures for this game were very small image files, smaller than your 2009 cosplay.com forum avatar. The reference art would be made and then other people would be in charge of turning that art into a usable texture file, so there was artistic license involved in adapting that. This game was released before the Hylian crest had been used in multiple places across several games. Therefore, we can justify making the assumption that the texture artists didn't have an understanding of how important it was to keep this part the exact shape it was, and turned "stylized bird" into "stylized bird" in a way that would read clearly on screen at 45x100 pixels. We can assume this to be the case, because, when Grezzo did the 3DS remake, their texture artist used the Hylian crest instead of the OoT bird thing.

***

Sorry for all the embroidery stuff in the past few days. I've attracted the attention of a couple people online and embroidery seems to bore them, so we're doing that for a little bit until I stop being interesting.

,***

Cosplay has a spectrum of screen-accuracy to full-nonsense. In some things, you can do screen accuracy very well. Screen-Accurate Princess Leia from EpIV is pretty easy to make look good. Sometimes, you can do full nonsense pretty well, too. Princess Leia, but in if Star Wars was steampunk, also pretty easy to make look good.

Some things aren't as easy to make look good when you're doing screen-accurate. Sephiroth's hair in most of the Final Fantasy games stands up off his head by like 30% the height of his face. If you math that out, you have a wig with 5" antennas swooping up in the front. When you put that on a head, it looks silly. Do you want your Sephiroth to look silly? No? Then you need to do something about that hair.

My cosplay rule that I try to stick with is this: If you need to make a decision between what is "accurate" and what looks good, you pick what looks good. As long as the character reads as the character when you're done, it's better to look good than to be accurate.

And this is why, instead of just tracing any of these aprons in my embroidery software, I broke out a pen and drew the whole thing out.

Actually, I drew half of it out. The left half to be specific. I know that I'm going to mess with this later on my computer, and I know that I want the thing to be symmetrical, so let's save everyone (mostly me) some trouble and just do half of it.

Why was it important to me to draw it full size? Remember, that texture we're referencing is less than 100 pixel wide. The final piece is going to be full size, so there's a lot of things that just don't scale up easily. We're basically going from a texture the size of my thumb nail to something that has to be more high-def than 8K. This basically meant that I needed to redraw it from scratch to get that resolution. Lots of little details are going to have to be added, and I'm much better at adding them with a pen than I am just guessing while I'm digitizing the file to embroider.

So, I took it, pulled it into GIMP, and made some adjusting. I mirrored it so that I have both a left and a right side to work with. I changed the contrast so that I could see the lines better. I didn't like the Hylian crest that I drew so I just plopped the official SVG onto it and dragged it around until it fit.

And then, and this is kind of important, I cropped the image so that it's the exact proportions that I want the final thing to be. My whole design is in this file, and there's no outside image. This is important, because I'm going to use this as a template to trace in MySewnet, and the easiest way to get the background to behave properly is to pre-set it to the exact size you need in another program. Good thing this software isn't stupid absurdly expensive, or else the fact that you needed to do that would be really annoying.

The digitizing process:

Okay, so the first thing that I do is to make a custom hoop the size of the finished project. There's no way that I can actually stitch this out this big, because a 25" long hoop doesn't exist anywhere, but it's way easier to design all of it and then split it up than it is to design in pieces and then fit them together. I open the hoop in the digitizing software and load my template as the background.

Digitizing from a technical viewpoint is really simple: you click points all around the area you want to make a shape, and then you hit "make this thing", and then it renders the thing. You can then give that thing a different kind of fill or line. Easy.

So instead, I'm going to go into the art part. Because yes, I've already drawn this whole template, but I haven't figured out how to fill each of those shapes. This isn't like a coloring book where I can just fill a shape with color. Embroidery means that I have to pick how exactly I fill all those areas.

First up, I have the legendary Golden Triumph Forks. The Magical Eating Utensils. I wasn't super sold on how this was rendered in the official art. We can vaguely see how, in the game art, it looks a little more like a red outline with corner flourishes, rather than what we got in the artwork. I probably should have looked up some historical flourishes from time periods in world history where technology matched the apparent technology of the world of the Legend of Zelda, but I just kind of picked a random frilly shape.

The Triforce is one of the most important symbols in Zelda, so I knew that I wanted it to be a bright shape. This meant that I wanted to fill the shape with stitches in such a way that none of the purple backing is showing through. In embroidery terms, this usually means either a full pattern fill, or an applique. I picked applique, because this is an easy shape to applique. I knew from the start that I was going to use metallic tissue lamé. Lamé's great for a lot of things, but it's weak and shows creases. To avoid that, I wanted to put in a fill stitch to support the fabric and prevent damage, as well as hiding any big creases. I picked a big and open motif fill that will still show a lot of the applique fabric.

Eyeball:

So this is, specifically, the Sheikah Eye. It's an important symbol in the series. The Sheikah stick this eye on pretty much everything. However, it's not a fancy, gaudy, ostentatious symbol.

I grabbed a motif line at random from the list of motif lines, and happened to like it. It's a very heavy stem stitch that goes over each stitch 4-6 times, making a big, raised area. To make sure the eye was visible, I filled in the iris, teardrop, and eyelashes. I picked an opaque spiral fill, because it's a circle and these general shapes are circles. A while back, I bought some metallic white "iris" thread, and thought that a subtly-iridescent white would fit nicely.

Those little eyelashes at the bottom that aren't there in the art? Well, there's there in the game render juuuuust a little bit, and also they fall into "if it looks better that way, it's the correct way" mentality.

The Hylian Crest.

Fuck this thing.

All you need to know about this is two things: 1) I just traced the SVG that I found on the Zelda wiki, and 2) I didn't plan on stitching it out with black outlining. That black outline is just there to confuse my software into doing what I want.

Since this is as important as the triforce, I knew I wanted to do it in silver lamé. That means all of this is an applique. Quick tip: if you're going to be breaking a design into smaller segments, don't do any applique so big that it has to be spread over two segments.

Ask me how I know.

I originally had this filled with the same chain stitch that I used on the Triforce, but it made things look very samey and very mushy. I later switched it to a triangle-shaped spaced fill. I selected the triangle as the correct shape by clicking every shape one at a time and seeing what they looked like. Since this was going to be a running stitch on a shiny applique background, the fine details don't really matter. You actually can't see them normally, which is why I had to change the color here.

The outline there is the same stem motif that I used in the Sheikah eye. I found that it's wide enough to cover an applique edge without having to look like a satin stitch.

Squares, Triangles, and the Face Thing.

I have no idea what that face thing is supposed to be and apparently neither did anyone else on the internet. Since it just kind of looked like a scribble, I just rendered it as a scribble. I used a satin column so that it could have line weight similar to a drawing with a paint brush, and the shiny satin line would look like wet ink. Also known as phoning it in.

The triangles are filled with a contour fill that just traces the edges of the shape. I left some space between the lines so that the purple background can show through. This gives is sort of an optical illusion of movement. The outside of this was originally that same stem motif line from before, but after I stitched it out, I realized ti was too heavy. The final version had the same motif, but smaller, and with fewer repeats of the stitch.

I'm so damn proud of those fucking gold boxes. Okay, so, let's look at the design. Why are there gold boxes? What do they do? What do they mean? Do they represent the eight dungenons in the original game? Nope, because there were nine dungeons in the original game. Are they the eight sages? No, because there's seven sages. Is it what happens when you average the number of dungeons and sages out? I don't know. Anyway, they looked stupid just being little gold boxes, so I gave them blunted corners. I did another contour fill because I wanted them to lie flat on the finished apron and not draw any attention to themselves. As for the little tail, folks, I discovered a technique and I'm FULLY READY to abuse the heck out of it. So, I traced the lines with a satin column, ready to try to mess with the spacing to see if it'd lie flat with enough work. I hit "convert to tapered motif" by complete accident, and it was kind of cool. So, then, I went through the various motif options, found some cool looking scrolls, hit "fit to line" and slapped those in there. And I think that the little tails being written in some weird language I can't understand is SO COOL. I love how this part looks and I will not be taking other opinions on it at this time.

The V.

I didn't like how either of them looked in the original, so I just kind of winged it. I was getting bored at this point so I took a pattern fill that was supposed to be linked chains, and then I twisted it around until I was the least bored I could be with it. Again, I went with the smaller stem stitching on the outside.

Those little tails on the circles there are also filled with the scroll as tapered motif thing. If you go for this, don't forget to run the "delete short stitches" filter or else there'll be like 1100 unnecessary tiny stitches in your motifs. Ask me how I know.

Now, we learn by making mistakes, and the best way to make mistakes is to just jump in and wing it. On the left, we have the first version of this that I tried. On the right, we have the second version, which is the one I'm going to use. I've made a couple of adjustments to the file since that final version, so if I make it again, that'll be just a hair better.

So, for starters: backing fabric. I liked the movement and texture on this subtle dot tonal better than a solid purple, so i used that for both my test and my final project. The main drawback with using a printed tonal instead of a dyed solid is that the back of the printed fabric is still white. On some things, specifically the area around the satin stitching on the ink face thing, you can see subtle white haloing where the stitching's displaced the background. I don't like it. No one else seemed to notice or care.

I knew that I'd be doing this in my endless repositionable hoop, but I hadn't taken into account that I'd be doing it in the endless hoop sideways. The endless hoop expects you to go from top to bottom, and my design goes left to right. This means that I have to fight the fabric around the clamp of the hoop. The endless hoop also doesn't hold things as tightly as a regular hoop does. Because of the way the fabric is moved through the hoop, a fusible or sticky stabilizer has to be applied to the fabric before, instead of being hooped with the fabric. All of this meant that I just didn't get the support that I needed on the first go around. You can see this in the way that the fabric has bunched up around the 8 boxes. For the first round, I used some fusible no-show mesh stabilizer. It wasn't wide enough, so I had to cut it in chunks and apply it sideways. For the second round, I used two layers of Power Mesh (same stuff but different brand) as well as a layer of light+tacky paperless sticky tear-away. I really hate that light+tacky stuff so ti's exciting to finally use it up.

My first trial was mostly to see if I could make the endless hoop work like I wanted it to. In this trial, I learned a lot of things. I kept the computer nearby to make changes as I noticed them. When I was done, I looked at what I'd made. I didn't like all the proportions in all of the design, so I dragged some stuff around in the file. This was when I realized that the heavy stem stitch motif everywhere was looking clunky, and reduced or removed it from several places. I changed the fill of the Hylian crest to the triangular fill. shout out to anyone from That One Anonymous Message Board who made it this far in this post to try to prove how deranged I am. You've got a lot of time on your hands, don't you? I completely changed all of the instructions to tell the computer how to do the applique on the Hylian crest (which I STILL got wrong), and added some aligment stitches to help with the applique process. This was when I changed the color of the outline in the software. Ideally, you should now be able to lay the applique down as one fabric, let the machine sew the whole thing, and then trim it. This is important, because that applique spreads out over two hoopings, so it's kind of a mess. The secret to making this work is for hooping #2 (eye and top half of crest) to stitch out the eye BEFORE the applique, so that the whole fabric can be placed over the completed eye. We learn.

Once it was all combined and digitized, it's important to render all the digitized elements as stitches, and then do a bit of cleaning up.

Notably, I really needed to take those tapered motifs and run the stitch optimizer program. The stitch optimizer's job is to remove stitches that are too short to stitch out nicely. When looking at the 3d views in the software, I can't tell which of the samples is the before and which is the after. If I zoom up really close in illustration mode, I can see it, but remember that this is like a 1" wide strip of stitching. The basic rule is that any time the software wants to remove 3300 stitches and you can't see the difference in the stitch-out, you REALLY WANTED to remove those 3300 stitches. That's not 3100 stitches from all over the design, BTW. That's just 3100 stitches from that one section.

I go over my test swatch, section by section, and make sure there's nothing that I forgot to put into the software. I also just delete every jump cut and then make the software add them all back in. The program that adds cuts automatically tends to be more judicious wit them than the digitizing program is when you make the design, so it's a way to make a design stitch out a lot smoother with just two clicks.

So, once all of that is done, we can just run the design splitter program. The design splitter says it has "intelligent splitting" settings, which is an absolute joke, but I use inteligent setting anyway. It's not necessarily any better at picking where to split than a straight line is, but our eyes are trained to see straight lines. The allegedly-intelligent splitting does at least split at random points, making it harder for your eyes to pick out what's a splice and what's a continuous line.

So, in addition to "intelligently" splitting the design apart, the program adds two color blocks to each split piece. One is before the stitches, and it's four stitches long. This just does one stitch at each corner of the design area.

The second block it adds is at the end. This block stitches a corner marker at each corner in the design. In this picture, the before line is green and the after line is red. I offset them by a little bit so that you can see what's going on, but they do happen directly on top of each other.

This is important, because you're trying to lay your design out so that every section of the split design lies perfectly next to the other ones. When you re-hoop your fabric, you can step through the first four stitches. If you've placed your fabric correctly, then those stitches should perfectly touch the markers that were sewn in the previous blocks. If they don't line up, you can just re-hoop over and over and over and over until it lines up.

In theory, you can line up an entire design just using these markers and the alignment stitches. You can just keep rehooping forever until it lines up. It's great. On the other hand, if your embroidery machine has literally ANY KIND of design placement setting onboard, that can help a whole lot. The astute observer will note that, on that picture way up at the top, that machine isn't my Topaz 50. That's because the T50 has some nice basic design positioning that will let you place within a certain range, but it won't let you tilt the design if you hooped it crooked. I did the first attempt at this on my Topaz, and it was fine, but there was a lot of re-hooping. So I might have taken this to work, to do this on the machine that's a step up from mine. (While I was there, I used a sit-down Bernina longarm to "hand"-baste the stabilizer on. That's not the intended use of the machine, but if you set stitch regulation to like 1 stitch per inch, and then you just pull the fabric straight through from the side, you get perfectly straight basting lines. If you're not feeling like dedicating an entire room in your house to having a free-motion machine just to baste straight lines, most mid-tier sewing machines have a fake hand-basting setting in them somewhere). Anyway, if you don't already have a bunch of hoops from HV, you can get that kind of positioning setup on Brother and Baby Lock for much less than the cost of the machine I was working on. If doing big multi-hoop projects like this is a priority for you, ask your salespeople about machines that make this really easy.

You now also have the great trade-off: the smaller the hoop, the tighter the design will hoop, and the less stabilizer you'll need. However, the bigger the hoop, the more you can shift the design around in the machine without hitting the edge. The tighter the hoop grabs, the less stabilizer you need, but the harder it is to shift the fabric that's already being held in the hoop to get it where you need it to go.

I handled this by just fucking throwing a shit ton of fucking stabilizer at it like there was no tomorrow. There's three layers on this bad boy.

You might be saying "Why didn't you just use a heavier cut-away?" and you'd be right, except for two things. 1) if I use two lighter layers, then I can trim the stabilizer away in layers, avoiding the stabilizer showing through and 2) my store didn't have any wide fusible cut-away in stock so

Anyway, here it is, time to make it into the actual apron. I'm very excited for this project. I'll probably break out the repositionable hoop again to do a border on the outside of the completed project, but I don't know for sure exactly what that'll look like.

#long post #really long post #zelda #legend of zelda #cosplay tutorial #machine embroidery #not lolita #i did this instead of doing a thing i don't want to do

[ratasum]

*breaks into your bedroom* if You're cool with it, can you talk about ur version of Zojja 0v0

So I'm gonna put this under a cut but there are two things to start with: Jenn and I had been considering how to rework our original story with the announcement, and have since decided we won't be changing our stuff at all.

The most important thing to note is that we had been rping for the last decade like Zojja had been there the whole time. And we had considered "Maybe we'll switch that around now that they're bringing her back!"

And then, in our opinion and it's fine if you don't agree but in our opinion, they absolutely botched it.

So we made the decision that she didn't go to the wizards, someone else entirely winds up there, and that's completely altered the trajectory, which I can get into later on. To start: what's up with Zojja?

While back in Rata Sum post-HoT, she was a captive audience. We know from canon that she was a very sought after genius, and since she was stuck in a medical ward recovering, she couldn't stand all the stress. It was something she relayed to Vezz in letters frequently, and spoke to when Taimi visited, as well as once Qirri was well enough herself to visit. She mentioned it often to Eir, as well, since she would come by to check in on her. (This is another complicated bit but! We press on!)

During this time she also thought Leyya was dead. This was because Leyya had run off after learning what happened to her and hadn't been seen since.

It was some time after this, near the end of S3, that Zojja got to the point that she was tired of feeling like she was being watched, feeling like something was present, and feeling the council breathe down her neck to use as a pawn. But right as she was planning to find a way to sneak away was when Leyya finally got over her fear of telling everyone the truth and came back.

There was a half angry, half tearful reunion, with both of them discussing their struggles and anxieties, and finally decided to head to Lion's Arch together. And with help from the Order of Whispers, they got set up at @wall-legion's Odetta's soap shop.

This did involve dealing with Sheridan, a Mordrem. We haven't figured out how they figured that out yet but it takes some time.

It's a lot, but it helps both of them. Zojja can work on recovering peacefully among people she trusts with someone she cares about, even though the chronic pain and fatigue never fully leave her.

They reenter the actual narrative for the first time in Icebrood Saga, when Rytlock calls in a favor from Tyria's premiere dragon expert to help, and she's present when Garrus and Qirri are badly injured by Bangar. Frustrated with her continued struggle with her recovery from Maguuma, she at least does what she can to help out.

(There's an important scene here with Qirri and Zojja that I want to draw but I'm still very shaky in my art confidence so... someday.)

She even helps the krewe get set up in Cantha, watching the two girls she mentored finally come into their own as tough, capable young women. And starts wondering if they still need her guidance at all.

Which is why Zojja is eventually with Odetta and Leyya when they get to wizlandia in the first place.

We had swapped the order of WLB/WLW and the epilogue, so after the epilogue Caithe disappeared... and imagine everyone's surprise when they find her in Wizlandia instead. And talk starts of this talented young elementalist with a deep well of unusual power. If only she'd stay with them...

I can go into more detail on whatever anyone would like, but that's more or less the nutshelled version of it!

#bunny asks #this is VERY TENTATIVELY subject to change if they stick the landing but we'll see #currently this is how we plan on things INITIALLY playing out

[disgr-aced]

my brain has caught up with jrwi, and now I'm thinking about the parallels between Gillian Tidestrider and Ava Ferin, and the reason why Ava might have been killed.

-Both were trained by a leader of their respective society to be a powerful weapon (The Admiral for Ava, and the Elders for Gillion)

-Both were taken from their families to do so (iirc either Jay or Jayson mentioned how Jayson didn't want Ava or Jay to join the Navy once apon a time, possibly pre-brainwashing. And we know how Gillion was taken and isolated from his family.)

-Both are/were infused with prophetic power that comes from or is aligned to one of the two major goddesses (actually I think I'm just assuming Ava had the red hair and divine blood like Jay, but even if that's not the case she still comes from a bloodline clearly associated with the sun goddess)

-Both may have been following a prophecy that may or may not have been twisted by their elders (Gill and the undersea prophecy and how that was revealed by the tree to have been changed to suit the Elders purpose, and then we have the whole Ferin blood prophecy written in celestial that Jay found in ep 115, and that her grandmother seemed to have been using/taking inspiration from, although don't ask me for details about it because I was too stressed to retain any information)

Anyway, with this plus the implication of there being a second chosen one, I believe that Ava was being groomed to be the chosen one just as much as Gill was, and further down the line, someone in the navy got wind of the undersea version of the prophecy, and realised that they couldn't harness the power of the sea for themselves if the chosen one won and decided to get rid of the sea forever.

And even if that risk is remote, that the prophecy they heard was wrong, and there was no chance the chosen one would destroy the ocean, the possibility of there being a grain of truth to it might have been too much to let slide. Which means Ava had to go, just in case.

And now they know Gill is out there (not alone, and at full power even after being banished), they'll come for him too. The Admiral seems like the type of person to cover all bases, metaphorically and literally. Perhaps the black sea base with the dead tritons was designed to be a trap for him, a place he would attack with righteous fury on learning that his people had been tortured there. Maybe each navy base had some well-placed 'accidentally left out' documents alluding to that base and the experiments happening there, directly to trick Gill into finding out and charging in. After all, that's what he's known for, that was Jaysons first impression of him (and oh my god I've just remembered the captains at the allport base talking about moving the chosen one. That's gotta be doppelgilly. that's for another post but holy shit).

A nice, clean way to get rid of the chosen one, far away from prying eyes in the ruined sea, and while he's there, it would be a good opportunity to replace him with a version that is nice and obedient to the navy's plans. No chance of that prophetic choice being made incorrectly then haha(haha).

Bonus connection:

-Both Ava and Gill fell in love with a pirate originally from the Black Rose, who over the course of time convinced them that they were worth more than whatever plan their leaders set in place for them.

#hello hi I remembered that I could post whatever I wanted here so have a jwri theory #now I'm retreating to the depths to relisten to the whole thing because I miss the albatrio already #jrwi spoilers #jrwi riptide #jrwi #jrwi theory

[amberjazmyn]

dr spencer reid one shot

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - you look(ed) happier

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - kinda sad, mentions/actions of domestic relationship abuse, but it does get better, single x reid, mentions of maeve

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - with the lyrics of ed sheeran's "happier" we find out the love story/breakup/re-get-together of bau agents dr spencer reid and valencia callahan 

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - i have done this one-shot a couple of times before but i was listening to the song again and i wanted to do it again. i decided to make a spencer reid version with some insta posts and stuff cause imagine the bau having personal instagram and social media accounts.

masterlist

- - -

walking down 29th and park, i saw you in another's arms. 

dr spencer reid couldn't help but feel his heart slightly sinking low into his chest as he noticed his now ex-girlfriend but fellow bau agent walk into the bau in another man's arms as spencer stormed into the conference room to let off some steam just before he and his team would most likely get called for a new case. the worst part of this whole thing for spencer, now that his ex had left him, was that they'd still be working together since neither one of them would ever force the other person to leave their jobs just because they were no longer dating each other but not just that, she decided to bring her new boyfriend to introduce them to the rest of the team. this obviously meant that it wasn't just valencia joining everyoone in the bullpen, her new boyfriend was also going to be with them and having to be introduced to them and spencer since he and valencia were still close friends, not having the heart or the hate in them to drop contact with each other. spencer never hated valencia after the two of them broke up, no way, he couldn't ever hate his childhood best friend and now fellow bau agent, he was honestly grateful that valencia still decided to stay with the bau even though she was no longer with spencer, except, the thing that threw him off was the fact that he had never imagined or prepared himself to see her walk into the bau with another guy.

only a month we've been apart, you look happier. 

the thing though, that hurt spencer over anything else was that this new boyfriend made valencia look so much happier, happier than she ever seemed to be when she was with spencer. derek morgan, one of spencer's fellow agent and closest friend had suddenly noticed why spencer was looking off into the distance, the chigaconian trying to get the nevadian man to leave the conference room - the nevadian whacking derek's hand away, spencer couldn't help but notice something else that he so desperately missed about valencia - her laugh. 

once again, spencer's heart almost closed in on his chest as he watched and heard her laugh. he didn't know what to do, i mean, who would know what to do in this situation? derek certainly didn't know, he felt inexplicably guilty and devastated for his best friend, derek was now dating and in a secure relationship with an e.d nurse, savannah, whereas, spencer had his heart broken because unfortunately, valencia and spencer broke up for reasons that, at the time, seemed appropriate and it seemed like the both of them were on the same page at the time. and, all of a sudden, derek watched as his best friend was devastated over the thought of seeing his ex and his best friend cosying up to another man only after what seemed to be a month after spencer and she had broken up.

saw you walk inside a bar, he said something to make you laugh.  

there was still no set time that the team was going to be called in for a case and it was already 8 in the evening which made it seem like no case was going to be called until the next day. so, that was when valencia, at the idea of her new man, decided to check out some pubs and clubs and if it just happened that the team got called in, the team would get called in. so, spencer watched as valencia and her new beau walked outside of the fbi building and strolled into a nearby bar but, not before the guy made a truly horrendous joke, and it wasn't even a joke that spencer would have found funny or a joke that valencia would have found funny if spencer had said it and matched it with a disappointed face as though she was the embarrassed kid of spencer, but because it was this new man that had said it, it had made valencia laugh out loud. so loud that spencer and derek heard it from their sixth floor in the fbi building as did the rest of the agents on that floor and all the other patrons who were walking past them. both of them, spencer and derek, saw how happy valencia was and it truly devastated both of them, their shoulders sinking to their regular positions as spencer tried to look away.

"...val, i have a joke for you..." the still unidentified new beau of valencia's asked, valencia smiled, nodding her head as the man continued 

"...what would you get if a dinosaur kicked you in the rear end?" he asked, his voice already cracking with laughter and he hadn't even finished the joke - spencer almost puking because he hated how close the guy was to valencia 

"i dunno, what do you get?" valencia sort of laughed, not like an excited or happy laugh but, the laugh spencer would usually hear when he'd try to tell her a joke so, for a second, the boy wonder did have hope that she wouldn't laugh at the guys joke but, that was until he said the punchline of the joke 

"you get a megasoreass!" and just as spencer and derek didn't laugh at the joke, they hoped and prayed valencia wouldn't laugh but, she did, she laughed at the utterly horrendous joke that her date had made 

and she laughed wholeheartedly, with her whole body, her head flying backward as her hand rested on the man's chest and her head then moved to lean on it so she could control herself. 

"oh, that was a kicker! that was actually really funny!" valencia's voice went high-pitched as her voice broke from her laughing fit, wiping away a tear from her eye as the two then walked into the bar

and it was at that moment that spencer knew he really couldn't stand watching those two anymore, even though he still absolutely adored valencia, he knew it wouldn't do him any good if he continued to focus on her when it was clear she had moved on completely whilst he still was hung up on her. 

i saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours yeah, you look happier, you do. 

it wasn't rocket science for anyone to see that spencer knew that valencia's smile was twice as wide as the ones she smiled when she was with spencer and it made him feel sick to his stomach. it hurt the boy wonder terribly to know that possibly, this new boyfriend of valencia's was everything that spencer wasn't and that he couldn't make her happier as this new man did in comparison. spencer's heart felt like it was being crushed and this pain wasn't just a metaphorical pain, oh no, it was such a physical pain that spencer's face started to scrunch up in pain as he would wince occasionally. 

thankfully, it didn't take derek that long to convince spencer that they needed to return back to their desks and away from the open conference room windows so that spencer wasn't putting himself through more pain, especially due to the "fun" that they would be having during their waiting time of whether or not they'd be shipped out to a case tonight. however, spencer couldn't help but wait until valencia and this new boyfriend had gone further away into the bar before he moved so that he could have one last look at her before the slight possibility of him catching eyes with her tonight during the potential of a case briefing.

ain't nobody hurt you like i hurt you, but ain't nobody love you like i do. 

despite the slight privacy that spencer and valencia both had about their lives, not really the type to overshare whilst being in the public eye of the rest of the fbi agents and government officials, they decided to come clean about their breakup to at least their own team. and then, their breakup was announced but it sadly was heard further than just their own small, intimate, family-like team and spread further throughout the other fbi units. and immediately, rumours from the other units like sex crimes and violent crimes units started to come about that spencer and valencia's breakup was "messy" and that one of them cheated on the other one or something completely dramatic like a soap opera. however, that was the furthest from the actual reality of what actually went down and the reason why the two popular and favoured bau agents broke up. they decided, spencer and valencia, that right now it had gotten too dangerous for them to be dating due to how personal the cases in regards to the team had gotten and it felt safer if they weren't romantically linked. and, it was true, all recent cases had no team injuries because there was no way those personal cases could affect the team more than it usually could in a personal way because no one was in a relationship with one of their fellow agents so there was no way they could be targeted. however, even after explaining that to the other fbi units, rumours still flew around the fbi building until aaron hotchner and erin strauss had to shut it down completely because it started to get out of hand.

however, spencer and valencia hated having to constantly repeat themselves and remind people that there was nothing about one of them cheating or anything silly like that and that the reason they broke up was for safety reasons. because, in actuality, the breakup was mutual between the two and it was made clear from the very beginning that if they were going to find someone new, outside of the bau where they wouldn't have their lives further messed with, that it was okay and that the two of them would and are always the best of friends, no matter what. they both meant the world to each other and there was no way they could remove the other from their life. to them, what they said in their own words was that they were each other's right person but it was the wrong time and it broke spencer and valencia's hearts to break up with each other despite how mutual it was and how much safer they both were because of how much they loved and still love each other. the only reason why valencia and spencer broke up was because not only was it for safety reasons but it was also because it was the case of right person for each other but, it wasn't the right time and that was why it was so painful for the both of them.

"...hey, reid, you know that it wasn't either you or valencia's fault as to the reason why you two broke up?" derek spoke softly as he watched, keeping an eye on his still heartbroken friend sulk over watching his ex who was still his best friend, who he still loved dearly, look way happier with the new guy than she ever did with him

"i...i know that rationally, morgan it just, hurts seeing her look so much happier with someone else..." spencer sniffled solemnly, resting his hands on his chin as derek rubbed his best friend's back

"...it does hurt, reid, i know that but, don't forget that, sure val has a new man who won't be targeted by the people we hunt but, she still loves you so much and only wants the best for you. and i think that's why she didn't leave the bau because she knew that if she left even though you guys were no longer going to be together that you'd still rather have her stay and not be together then leave and not be together. of course though, it is really sucky for the whole team to see she's moved on with someone else but, we all have to just look past that and be glad that she's still with us in the team. trust me, from someone who was always seen as a flirt who would never actually take a relationship seriously until i found the one, it'll get better and, who knows, maybe one day, she'll realise that this happy with this guy isn't the happy she wants and, she'll find her way back to you, even if means the two of you are in danger again..." derek smiled softly, trying to convince spencer who just nods his head in response although, it was still quite difficult to believe his best friend

promise that i will not take it personal, baby if you're moving on with someone new. 

spencer promised, basically pinky promised, the day that he and valencia broke up, that he wouldn't take it personally and be that arsehole ex-boyfriend if valencia was to find someone new and move on. he knew that valencia was bound to move on quickly anyway so, he made a promise not to take it personally (as did she) and that just because she's moved on quickly, it doesn't mean that she wasn't grateful or faking any of her feelings towards spencer or acting as though it was nothing. because, honestly, valencia was on cloud nine throughout her whole relationship with spencer, it was just honest to god the fear of them being targeted by unsubs who had a personal connection to them because of their jobs and keeping them safe, not their love or chemistry for one another.

"...wait, you can't be serious...boy wonder and girl wonder broke up?" garcia was devastated at the news that her fellow agents, reid and callahan just gave her and the rest of their team

"yes, we had to, pen. for our safety to make sure that if we ever faced an unsub who had a personal connection to either one of us that they wouldn't target them. we still love each other very much and wish this didn't have to happen but it does and, if it's for our safety and not because we fell out love then, that's the smart thing to do," valencia sighed, a look of morose in her eyes as hotch spoke up

"...if there is anything the team can do for the two of you, reid and callahan, please, let us know and we'll do everything and anything we can to assist you. i'm guessing you've already talked about whether or not one of you is leaving?" hotch questioned, reid and callahan both appreciating the worry and care from their team and unit chief

"thank you, hotch but, right now, i honestly think spence and i just need some alone time and yes, we have both decided to stay since there's no reason why we wouldn't be able to work together even though we're no longer dating one another..." valencia was really taking the speaking role seriously as spencer just nodded his head and looked around the room trying to avoid the teams gaze of pity and sadness

"...of course. and i'm glad you two will be able to continue to work together because you guys are a brilliant team and shouldn't leave us just yet. and, if the rest of the team could follow me and return to your desks to finish paperwork or anything else you need to get done, it's time we leave reid and callahan on their own like they've asked us to," hotch gestures for the team to follow him out of the conference room which they do without needing to be asked twice

after giving hugs to both spencer and valencia, hotch smiles and gives his two best (and youngest) agents a reassuring head-nod before closing the door behind them, giving the two of them some privacy whilst they said their last words about the break-up before they'd have to go back to their friendship they had at the beginning of their time in the unit.

"...spence, do you promise me something?" valencia spoke up after a long pause of silence as spencer nodded his head, lifting it up from the floor as he held valencia's hand tightly

the two twenty-somethings had already been broken up with each other privately but, now, they were still wanting to say some last minute things that they either already said and wanted to say again to make sure it was known to be the truth and not just some lie that was said in the moment to soften the harsh blow of the breakup conversation was. both of them tearing up and getting emotional, it once again became silent as small sniffles and uneven breaths fell through the room as the two agents tired to calm themselves down before continuing the conversation. having to constantly remind themselves that the reason why they broke up wasn't because they weren't in love with each other anymore or because they were never best friends to begin with, it was because it was for their safety and because it was two people who were absolutely right for each other but started their relationship at the wrong time where it was immensly dangerous and could have caused a lot of problems had the unsubs actually dug deep enough into their victims at the behavioural analysis unit. that's all it was, they still love each other but, that was the true, real reason why spencer reid and valencia callahan broke up, it breaking up now was the right thing and the safest thing so they both could stay alive and save their special thing and then find out later on that it was safer for them to continue their relationship again then that's what they were going to do because they didn't want to ruin it by continuing to pursue their relationship in a time of utter danger and fear for the entire bau and their romantic relationships.

"always, val, what is it?" spencer finally filled in the silence, sniffling softly as valencia's hand ghosts over spencer's as they could tell, even with the shutters in the conference room shut and the door closed, they could tell their team members were trying to figure out what they were talking about - almost nothing could be hidden or a secret when you're a member of the bau that's for sure

that was until spencer and valencia could hear their team getting told off by hotch for eavesdropping and told the main perps, derek, jj and penelope, to be put in lockdown in penelope's bat cave away from everyone and where they couldn't hear spencer and valencia's conversation. thankfully, emily prentiss and david rossi weren't that much of eavesdroppers but were very concerned about their two youngest agents and did wait for them to come out of the conference room after their private conversation to check on them, not at all asking for what their private conversation entailed.

"promise me that if i do move on with someone new who most likely won't get targeted by any unsubs and isn't with the fbi, you won't take it personally and hate me for it?" valencia only gulped as she kept her eyes focused on spencer and his reactions as spencer nodded his head, his eyes whilst glistening with tears were also genuine

"yes, i promise. i love you too much to hate you," spencer choked out in a whisper, more tears building in his eyes as he breathed in, asking valencia a question

"can you promise me something?" spencer whispered back, clearing his throat as valencia nodded her head, her hand touching spencer's as they kept eye contact with each other

"of course, always, what is it?" valencia questioned softly, only wishing she and spencer didn't have to do this all over again but knew they had to

"am...well, are we still best friends? even if you may date someone else after me?" it was this question that broke spencer's heart to say as finally, a tear rolls down his cheek as he closes his eyes, valencia breathing deeply so she wouldn't cry her tears as she wipes spencer's tear away, glad that hotch had forced the rest of the team out

smiling softly with a head nod, valencia responded, "of course, we're still gonna be best friends, spence! i've known you my whole life, i could never throw away our entire relationship and friendship just because we dated the right people but at the wrong time. i couldn't ever remove you from my life, you're way too special to me, i can't do that and i will never do that..." valencia paused as she wiped away more of spencer's silent tears as he nodded his head, understanding valencia which made her feel better 

"...even if i do end up dating someone else who isn't going to be targeted specifically because we're both agents and if you end up dating someone else, i am always a phone call away or a short drive away if you ever need anything and, i know if i was in a similar situation, you'd be there waiting for me too," valencia smiled and spencer nodded his head as his lip trembled, another single tear slipping down his cheek as he giggled in embarrassment, wiping it away himself 

spencer and valencia talked for a couple more minutes and decided that the things they co-owned in each other's apartments were not to be moved no matter what and that they could always count on one another. along with another crying session and huge hug to comfort one another, with some tissues that they hadn't realised at the beginning that hotch had placed on the table before the team left, they both cleaned themselves up and walked back to their little desk spaces and continued working. and only then, when spencer and valencia returned to their desk spaces were derek and jj allowed to emerge from penelope's bat cave... and also forced to apologise to reid and callahan for trying to eavesdrop into the conversation, as did penelope but she didn't need to be forced, it just slipped out because she panicked and felt awful for potentially betraying their trust over something that maybe in time they'd tell their team as to what they told each other. but all was forgiven with a small sleepover at penelope's at the end of the day since it had gotten to late for the team to get called to a case so it would be managed the next morning.

'cause baby you look happier, you do, my friends told me one day, i'll feel it too. 

it still seemed impossible for spencer to get it out of his head that valencia seemed to look happier with her new boyfriend after the break-up and honestly, whilst he was proud of her, it still hurt and was a hard thing to just shake off. it honestly did sort of scare spencer that he thought that he was maybe getting replaced and that maybe, he was actually losing his best friend when it was considered that he still didn't know what this new boyfriend was like in relation to knowing about boy-best friends for his girlfriends. 

"oi, reid, we need to get ready, hotch has finally called for wheels up in fifteen, when we see valencia stay calm, okay?" derek announces to spencer, patting his shoulder as the boy wonder nods his head, his satchel go-bag hanging around his body 

"yes, morgan, i understand, i'm not a five-year-old!" spencer, with a sassy attitude, rolls his eyes as he chuckles, making derek smile at the attitude and eye-roll 

"i know, reid, forgive me but, i just don't want you getting hurt, that's all!" derek suddenly went serious as spencer smiled and pulled his best friend in for a hug 

"thanks, morgan, i do appreciate it," spencer smiled into his best friend's shoulder and derek smiled too, exhaling slightly as he pats his best friend on the back 

"no worries, buddy. i know how much you and valencia loved and still love each other. it is hard when a couple like you two, that are the right couple, break up due to it being the wrong time," derek smiles softly, the two men pulling out of the hug as they started to hear the commotion of penelope and rossi arguing over whether it's ethical to put tofu in pasta in the conference room

and until then i'll smile to hide the truth, but i know i was happier with you. 

all that was left for spencer and his team to do in regards to getting ready for the case was being briefed on the case by penelope and hotch and then set off to the jet strip so they could travel to their location of the case. with a small sound of apology for being late, valencia and her man had rushed in slightly late and, it was clear the reason why and it was because of the bar down the road. which was so unlike valencia that hotch ignored it but kept a watchful eye on her new unidentified beau just in case valencia was manipulated to just about inebriate herself before jetting off for a case.

derek and the rest of the team had to force themselves to not jump in excitement as spencer turned around, a smile on his face as rushed over to valencia to give her a hug since valencia had just come back from having some vaction time. the former boyfriend and girlfriend are now just staring at each other in awe. it had felt like years had gone by since valencia had seen spencer when really it was a couple of weeks to a month, not even? pretty much as soon as they broke up, hotch reminded valencia of her vaction time off to visit her family in hawaii and on that very same day, the next flight, valencia left for hawaii. and it was during this vaction back home to hawaii that valencia and her new boyfriend had met, he was a nursing student at the hospital that valencia frequented for it was the hospital her ill-ridden mother was hospitalised in and honestly, it still felt strange to her that when she introduced her boyfriend to people, she wasn't saying spencer.

"spence!" valencia finally opened her mouth, spencer's name falling off her tongue effortlessly as if she never stopped saying it, spencer's face lighting up at seeing his best friend, her new boyfriend giving not just the best friend's a strange look but his girlfriend's entire workplace and bau team a strange look that spencer managed to catch from the corner of his eye

"hey val! how are you, how was hawaii and seeing your family? i've missed you so much!" spencer spoke excitedly, the excitement of valencia constrasted far differently to the case they were about to leave for but was welcomed for just a small bit of happiness before seeing pure darkness for the next few days as spencer pulls his best friend in for a hug

placing her softly back to the ground, valencia responded, "i'm fantastic thanks spence, hawaii was great, family's great and it seems like mom's medical trial is working! how have you been? were you able to go back to las vegas to visit your mom at all? it's been like, what, a few weeks since we last saw each other since i just up and left for hawaii for vaction whilst we should have techncially been working a case?" the girl asked with a slight laugh in her breath as spencer nodded his head, a small giggle leaving his mouth as well

"yeah...wow, it's been a long few weeks, that's crazy...oh and, no, unfortunately i didn't get to see mom this time but i did get to have a chat with her carers and they seem to think that she's doing good as well. and, that's amazing that your mom's trial seems to be working too. i just hope the next step is for her to be discharged from the hospital and back with your family..." spencer spoke with a small whisper towards the end as he noticed the way valencia tried to grab her boyfriend but wasn't able to as he had suddenly and silently left the bau conference room without a word of acknowledgement of where it was he had left off to in the huge bau and further fbi building

"...oh and, by...by the way, that was my boyfriend matteo..." valencia tried to smile but, it was obvious that spencer and the other profilers could see through it but decided against the profiling questions for now

"...well, that's nice, val. how...how long have you two been together for, if you don't mind me asking?" spencer spoke softly, with hesitation as valencia tilted her head in confusion - was it three weeks or four weeks as it surely hadn't been for the whole time she was back home in hawaii

also, the team just stood back in silence and just watched even though they should very much be on the jet right now and on their way to los angeles, california for their case that was more or likely going to turn time sensitive soon.

"uhh...i...i think three weeks? so, not that long..." valencia shyly smiles as spencer nodded his head as hotch gestured for this conversation to continue on the way to the jet and for penelope to go into her batcave and present the case from there as they travelled to their destination

hearing that valencia and matteo had only been together for less than a month was comforting to spencer because it meant whilst she had moved on, it wasn't straight away which was his biggest fear. so it comforted him to know that the love of his life and best friend didn't move on the second they broke up.

"oh, okay, that's nice, val. he treats you well i'm assuming?" spencer questioned as the two of them moved quite briskly towards the jet strip to the private jet when valencia suddenly came nervous as she still had no idea where her boyfriend had gotten himself into in the fbi building cause he noticed how many more floors there were than just level 6: behavioural analysis unit

"uh...well, yeah i guess he does. i mean, he makes me laugh a lot, i guess..." valencia stammered, her voice shaky and sounding unsure which confused spencer as earlier, nothing looked as though it was wrong or out of sorts

as they settled onto the plane, awaiting penelope's presentation of the case, spencer whispered, "...you guess? val...is matteo hurt--"

"--hello my fine and furry friends--"

"--matteo?" how on earth did matteo find himself in penelope's bat cave of all places on level six? penelope was just as confused as her team who gave wide-eyed stares at matteo who stood behind penelope as she continued presenting the case

"ignoring italian stallion over here, today's case has you guys travelling to sunny los angeles, california except it isn't sunny but rather bloody and gloomy... over the last week and a half, lapd have been getting constant phone calls about killings of a very specific type of victim every saturday afternoon at exactly 13:00pm..."

"...and before you ask, the victims are blonde, blue-eyed, attractive college-aged girls who were all found in dark, trashed alleyways behind trashbins with deep lacerations, burn marks and branding marks all around their bodies. the lacerations are horizontal on the arms, vertical on the legs, the burns are present everywhere else where there are no lacerations and the brand marks are across their left collarbones... there were five of them..." penelope has a look of distaste on her face after showing her team mates the high graphic and gruesome images as the team all squirm in their plane seats - but just before penelope could continue, matteo speaks up

"--hey, sweetcheeks, valencia, could you introduce me to your coworkers please?" matteo suddenly takes over penelope's system as valencia wishes she'd be swallowed into a black hole as her whole team looks pissed off but confused

"not now, please, matteo, isn't it obvious i'm working?!" valencia raises her voice which was easy to profile to her team that it wasn't the first time that matteo tried to interject himself into valencia's work life

"fine, besides, there's nothing really interesting in this room anyway. but don't forget to remind everyone in la that you have a boyfriend, his name is matteo and that he's oh so attractive," matteo sounded like a middle schooler as everyone cringed as matteo escorted himself out of penelope's batcave as everyone all released a breath they had no idea they were all collectively holding - valencia included

"oh my...i...i am so sorry guys. i...i had no idea matteo was going to do that when i suggested i invite him to come to the bau with me before the case. he came with me because i wanted to introduce you guys to him...i had no idea he even knew where to find penelope's batcave let alone follow her into it but, like he's already said...everyone's that's my boyfriend matteo la costa and he works as a nursing student at a local community college hospital in downtown virginia..." valencia apologised, her face burning red with embarrassment as no one told her off or scolded her for her boyfriend's stupid actions as penelope quickly got back on track with the case presentation

"...sorry to do this but bringing you guys all back to the cali killings, not only were the girls all blondes, blue-eyed, extremely attractive and attending college, they were all attending the same college and they all hung out in the same circle of friends...." penelope mentions with her usual disgusted attitude as reid speaks up

"...that means we're likely dealing with someone who also goes to the same college as the girls and could be someone who was ignored by the girls or was shunned away from the group of friends maybe and has come back for revenge in the most sadistic way because just texting them off-handed mean comments or teasing them out during college classes is too tame and not enough for the unsub?" reid suggested as valencia and everyone else nodded in possibility of that being the theory

"that or, it's a jealous boyfriend/girlfriend who was rejected by one of the girls in the circle and is now determined to take out all the girls until he can really hit big time money with the girl who originally rejected him by killing her friends off meaning that it's easier to get to the grand finale, his final victim because he's taken out all of her friends along the way to get to her?" valencia theorised and, honestly, that theory was just as brilliant as reid's as hotch spoke up

"garcia, you mentioned they were all burnt, given lacerations and branded but did you get the cod by the medical examiner?" hotch spoke up, flipping down the case file he held in his lap as penelope shook her head, a look of apology in her eyes

"no, i didn't good sir hotch. but, if it's needed, i can by all means speed up the process with some good bribes and a deal of lollies and unlimited love from the behavioural analysis unit forever?" penelope joked which got some stifles of laughter as hotch nodded his head

"thank you garcia, do that and find everything else you can in regards to separate info on the girls since we know how well they are connected to each other, we need to know about these girls independently, whether they ever spent time away from the group and if anyone else they made contact with could be in potentional danger," hotch stated and penelope nodded her head

"faster than a donkey on a leash, later nerds!" penelope signs out as the team go back to brainstorming more information about the case

after brainstorming a little more and another two interruptions from valencia's boyfriend, matteo, his excuse being he missed her and wanted to make sure she was safe even though they were still on their flight to california, they started to figure out more possibilities and hotch split his team up into twos and threes. spencer and valencia went to the coroner to figure out if they could figure out the cod any faster than penelope could whilst rossi and morgan went to the crime scenes and emily, jj and hotch went to the lapd to interview the families of the victims and start victimology and a geographical profile.

fast forwarding three days later, it seemed as if valencia's initial theory was correct. the unsub, twenty-one-year-old college student becka johnson and her boyfriend connor freehly had abducted the girls, twenty-year-old lisa lloyd, nineteen-year-old sallie hawkins, twenty-one-year-old spencer romanov, twenty-two-year-old abigail romanov and twenty-three-year-old jaqueline reynolds. thankfully, just before the unsubs could capture and murder the sixth girl in the ten-strong friend group, who wasn't even the main girl they were trying to kill, twenty-year-old lyla smith, the bau and lapd moved in on them just before they could kill and caught them. spencer and valencia arrested and read becka johnson and connor freehly's miranda rights before not so kindly shoving them into the police vans before running back over to help lyla since the rest of the team hadn't arrived just yet. untying the poor girl from the ropes that caused the ligature burn marks on all the victims wrists, relieved lyla of that pain before she could have endured even more pain or even death. all because her and her group had the girl in the group that rejected the advances of becka and connor, all because they were both bisexual and wanted a third partner for their polyamorous relationship and reacted in anger and murder when they were told no and that the person they asked was very much straight, in a commited relationship and felt very personally uncomfortable about a poly relationship. which, in all fairness, should have been totally fine and didn't need five innocent young girls and nearly a sixth one to be killed when the person rejecting the unsubs was respectful, kind and didn't show any hate or homophobia or predijuce in regards to their response to their question.

a couple hours later and the bau were back on their private jet back home to quantico and, the one person everyone didn't want to see after that stupid fiassco that happened on the flight over to california, matteo, was waiting for the team and valencia on the air strip. groaning, everyone, including valencia, only hoped that this time, matteo would try to insert himself into his girlfriend's important job and her very long and strenuous job. why did she and spencer agree to the break-up, actually? the best part of dating another fbi agent was that they wouldn't ever try to insert themselves into your job because it was the same job as their partners. whereas, a downside to dating someone who isn't in law enforcement but specifically fbi, that person would always try to self-insert themselves into the job because it was seen as "far more exciting" and "soul-enriching job" than their "boring, blase job" back at home was. thankfully though, it seemed as though matteo, just like the team, was drop-dead exhausted and just wanted to pick up his girlfriend and safely take her back to her apartment and maybe stay with her to make sure she stayed safe after the case.

even though she wasn't too keen on it, valencia took a deep breath and wandered over to matteo and allowed him to hug her since it had been a couple of days since they had last communicated and seen one another.

"hey baby, you catch the killer?" matteo muttered, valencia mumbling a "yup" as matteo wanted no further information which slightly threw her off wack as when she and spencer were together, it never mattered if they were working in the same trio or duo, they still debriefed about the case at the end of it, whether it was on the drive home or on their couch or bed at home, they always unloaded and debriefed about their case

just as matteo was about to drag valencia to their car to go home, valencia decided that now was the best option to finally and physically, face-to-face, introduce her boyfriend to her team rather than just leaving an introduction to whatever his introduction was on the plane ride to california.

since no one had actually made plans to move their feet from their positions on the ground, it didn't take much convincing for valencia to formally introduce her team to her boyfriend, "hey guys, i know we're all about to leave to go back home but, i thought i'd just finally formally introduce you to my boyfriend, matteo!" valencia smiled, trying to hide her nerves as everyone smiled and waved back as matteo only just had energy to return back the gesture

taking that as his cue, matteo introduced himself again, "hey guys, i'm matteo, i'm really sorry for how i acted when you guys were on the jet. it was very inappropriate and inconsiderate because you guys were working and i shouldn't have self-inserted myself into valencia's job..." ok, wow, this is the most apologetic and genuine he's sounded the entire time since they had met him - the team still cautious but stepped forward and individually introduced themselves

"hi, matteo," they all responded at the same time, slightly shocking matteo as his expression doesn't change, all of them coming forward indivdually to shake his hand, though none of them even wanted to associate themselves with the guy, even hotch and rossi

"i'm jj but you can call me jennifer,"

"i'm emily,"

"i'm penelope,"

"derek,"

"i'm david,"

"i'm spencer,"

"and i'm aaron, remember sonny jim, if you try anything to hurt our valencia, don't forget that we are fbi agents and it wouldn't be too difficult for us to notice when something's fishy, alright? take care of valencia, she's our girl too," aaron finished up the introductions which seemed to intimidate matteo which truthfully humoured the team, valencia included as matteo nodded his head before rushing off to the car

and without stopping to give his girlfriend a kiss, or an i love you or even a simple explanation as to why he had decided to run for it without his girlfriend who had the keys and the car to drive the both of them back to valencia's apartment. and that really made spencer and the rest of the team raise their eyebrows, especially after hotch's threat.

and, it obviously rattled valencia but, she tried to hide it, "umm, yeah, again, that's my boyfriend matteo and i think you may have just scared the living shit out of him, hotch, thanks by the way, now i'll have to deal with him whining all night that he's traumatised and can't fall asleep," valencia said with full sarcasam and little jazz hands as everyone's eyes widened - that little threat traumatised matteo? jesus christ, this guy's meant to be a nursing student and he finds that traumatising?

"o...kay, that was weird. umm, are you alright, val? do you need one of us to walk you back to your car just in case matteo didn't go there but back to the bar you guys were at earlier?" spencer asked, trying not to be too obvious as valencia nodded her head

"could you do that, please? this case really messed with me and i don't think i could deal with walking on my own in the dark..." valencia shivered as spencer nodded his head but, the entire team started to walk with them even though they all parked their cars in different levels of the secure parking garage

"...umm, guys, why are you following me and spence?" valencia chuckled when she noticed the rest of the team followed her and spence

"we don't have places we need to be urgently, callahan. please, let us help you walk to your car safely, it's the first time we've formally met your new boyfriend and we can't be too careful now can we?" hotch spoke up as valencia couldn't argue so she didn't push it any further and appreciated her team more

walking at least a mile more and up a level, they finally made it to valencia's car and, they did not expect to see matteo waiting patiently in front of the hood of her car. they had all genuinely thought he would have strolled back on into that bar and drunk himself silly but, no, he was calmly waiting at the car, seemingly ready to go back to his gf's apartment. but, it wasn't until the rest of the team started walking away when matteo started making conversation with spencer.

"...excuse me...you..you said you were spen-sam, right?" matteo was nervous as he lightly tapped spencer's shoulder as he turned around, valencia, again, wanting a black hole to just swallow her up at her bf's purposeful nature of calling spencer by the wrong name

"no...no, my name isn't sam...it's spencer but, whatever, what's up?" spencer continued even though it annoyed him slightly at matteo's purposeful refusal to correctly say his name

"how...how long did you and valencia date? when me and val first met, before we even started to date, she was telling me about how she's with the fbi and was dating a fellow fbi agent but never said any details like how long you guys dated or why you broke up or anything...and i...i was just wondering how long you guys were together for before you decided to break things off..." okay, no, it was clear at this stage that he hadn't been at his car the whole time, matteo had definitely had some hard beers before stumbling his way back to the car and attempting to sober himself up so it looked like he had been there the entire time

"...oh, umm, we---"

"--how long ago did you meet valencia, matteo?" spencer cut off valencia before she could reveal that information straight away which valencia seemed relieved by

"oh...we..uh, we met around four weeks ago in hawaii during valencia's vaction and mine as well but we'd been talking for a week before we met but we started dating three weeks ago--"

"--so yeah, it's still quite new and it's been interesting as matteo is quite the guy but umm, it's fun!" cutting off matteo, valencia spoke grittedly through her teeth, making her new boyfriend sound anything but amazing just like she could so easily do with spencer, especially considering the relationship was so new and that could have been the reason why valencia was kind of selling her new boyfriend so short, she didn't want to hype him up too early

"okay, okay, not that long but, have you guys said the l word to each other yet?" spencer played up his romantic and excited voice that he'd hear the girls do a lot as matteo awkwardly laughed again, as did valencia as matteo at this point just turned around and hoiked himself up into the car and shut the door - spencer recognising that maybe something wasn't right but, like before, didn't push it further

"well, i...i have said it but, matteo, i think is just waiting for the right moment, ya know? maybe he just isn't ready yet as he did have a bad breakup before meeting me so, yeah..." valencia nodded her head with a smile, hoping to convince herself that she had nothing to worry about as her team also nodded their heads, with some scepticism about matteo - just because you're a profiler, doesn't necesarily mean you're a good liar!

valencia and her team continue to talk a little bit longer before it became obvious that poor old matteo was tired and wanted to sleep. so, they started to farewell one another since it was now way past all of their collective bedtimes and if they didn't leave now, they'd be sleeping in their cars and that wasn't a pretty sight for the rest of the fbi units to wake up to in the morning. hoisting herself into her suv, valencia started up the car and drove out of the parking garage with her now sleeping boyfriend in the passenger seat, en route back to her apartment to get at least an hour or hopefully three of some shut eye before having to be called back in the next morning.

driving back to his own apartment, spencer couldn't help but remember how happy he was with valencia. valencia made spencer so much happier which was what made it tricky for him to understand how someone like matteo made valencia happier than spencer did. to spencer and the rest of the team, it seemed as if matteo was trouble and it worried them sick and they hadn't even known him a full day yet. worried them to the point where they thought that he might be an abusive boyfriend or if not now, will eventually get to that point.

ain't nobody hurt you like i hurt you, but ain't nobody need you like i do. 

throughout the next couple of cases, spencer made sure to keep his eyes on valencia but especially matteo. he had started to get heavily involved in wanting to help valencia and the team to the point where he wasn't showing up to his own workplace at the community college hospital. it was obvious that matteo was becoming jealous of his girlfriend's job and was trying to take over every aspect of not just her worklife but her personal life as well. she couldn't spend time outside of time with matteo, and if she did, it had to be in a public place where matteo could keep tabs on her and could pull her out of the catch-up whenever he saw fit or felt like there was a problem. if anything, matteo was being way more paranoid than any of the fbi agents and bau team were and those guys were highly paranoid and self-aware of their surroundings. but, matteo's paranoia and selfwareness was now getting out of hand and forcing valencia to be isolated, even at work where she'd usually get to escape from her home life and her boyfriend but, nope, not when you're dating matteo de la costa ladies and gentleman! spencer wanted to keep his eyes mainly on valencia as he wanted to make sure he was safe and that matteo had at least at some point relaxed on his paranoia and that he wouldn't try anything sneaky to hurt her. but, it was also because spencer still needs her. spencer still felt like he had so much more to give to valencia, no longer caring if it would be dangerous and potentionally causes a life or death situation, way more than matteo would be able to give anyway. especially considering how matteo just looked like he was bad news when you first make eye contact with the guy.

it was coming towards the end of another long case. an overkill of stabbing and rape case in new jersey and it looked as if everyone could read valencia's mind and her teary eyes and what was to come next.

the case had reminded valencia of the very case that caused her and spencer to break up in the first place. also in new jersey, the team had travelled over there for a completely different case only to be dealing with a stap and a rape case before the unsub, who had a previous connection to valencia, kidnapped her and only just grazed her with their carving knife, not getting the time to fully finish the stap and rape because her team got there just in time to catch the unsub. whilst getting checked out by emt's, valencia rested on the bumper of the ambulance and spencer forced himself to walk over to his girlfriend who was about to have a conversation with the grim reaper but narrowly missed. and it was in that moment that spencer knew that whilst he'd always love valencia for now and forever, he couldn't risk their love and being together if he was always so paranoid of having to watch the love of his life be killed in front of him purely because she's an access point of weakness and vulnerability of spencer to unsubs, particularly the ones he's had prior connections with. on the last few write ups the team had, it looked as though spencer was on the verge of tears if valencia looked closely enough. it broke her heart, she hated the amount of pain she and spencer's break up put on him, even though it was a mutual breakup, that still didn't take away the pain that the both of them felt over it ending.

valencia just wished she never gave it up with spencer, even if it did mean constantly being paranoid that they could lose each other due to an unsub connected to either one of them, even though some part of her loved matteo and she was glad she was dating him, she had been thinking a lot lately of the what if's about her and spencer.

and then suddenly, completely out of nowhere, valencia started crying when she and spencer made eye contact after taking a quick break from writing their reports. spencer wished he hadn't of made valencia cry but, at the same token, he was glad it wasn't him that was crying this time otherwise, he knew how bad that would have made valencia feel. she had then gone to turn around to see if matteo had any tissues since, even through paperwork and reports, he was inserting himself into his girlfriend's job but, found out that no one was next to her and he was nowhere to be seen.

for a moment, it freaked her out, not knowing where her boyfriend had gone but, thankfully, spencer came to her rescue and handed her a tissue before going back to his desk and his report. valencia was now back to thinking about whether or not it was a smart idea to bring matteo and tell him about her job since he was now taking over her job and it also got her thinking about if she really did love him or if he actually loved her. or, if he was like spencer and the rest of the team thought, was just an abuser and a troublemaker.

i know there's others that deserve you but darling i am still in love with you. 

it didn't take rocket science for the rest of the team to figure out why valencia was crying and that spencer was focusing too much on valencia whilst still knowing he was still head over heels in love with her. whilst it was obvious to valencia and his teammates, it was shockingly something that matteo never noticed, skimming right over his head due to his own paranoia and self-awareness, he had no idea at the way spencer paid more attention to valencia. even though spencer knew that there were others that deserved valencia like he promised her, he still found it difficult to comprehend that she did move on because at the time they made that promise, they were both unaware of how quickly valencia would move on after the breakup.

and finally, at just after midnight, all of the team had finished their paperwork and had all offered, once again, to walk valencia down to her car where they once again, saw a slightly hungover matteo waiting at the hood of the car. it was moments like these that it became clear to valencia that maybe, falling in love with matteo was bad news...dangerous even. however, she still desperately tried hard to hide the newfound fear that arose in her as matteo's paranoia would cause him to be mean and very heavyhanded.

*

but i guess you look happier, you do. my friends told me one day i'll feel it too. 

but, just before valencia stepped into her car where matteo was waiting, she stepped back out of the car and walked the step destination to spencer. during that moment, matteo too stepped out of the car, seeming like there was an important conversation he needed to have with his girlfriend as valencia and spencer continued to walk further towards spencer's car, creating some distance between them and matteo.

"...val, can i please...have a second just to speak to you? it's serious and it can't really wait--"

skidding to a halt, valencia turned around to face her boyfriend, her face red as heavy breaths left her mouth, "--oh, sorry matteo but, i need to have a chat with spence about some work related stuff that's confidential and not for you to hear. we'll be very quick, i promise, can we talk about this another night? we can talk later, i promise!" valencia quickly interjected as, to be honest, she was wanting to speak to spencer to get away from matteo who rolled his eyes before standing down and walking back over to valencia's car

"oh, darling, of course, you can! go, have your chat with spencer, i'll just be over at the car, okay? i love you, princess!" matteo smiled, giving valencia a kiss making her squeal that he finally told her he loved her - okay, maybe he wasn't so bad after all and she ran like a little kid as she and spencer locked eyes again

"thanks, matteo! i love youuu!" valencia squeals out as she then jogs back over and sees spencer outside of his car, the two of them locking eyes 

as music from both cars started playing through their opened windows, valencia pulled spencer in for a hug before pulling away, "hey..." valencia trailed off as she giggled as spencer held her tightly, the both of them slipping behind the car as he spins the both of them around in a circle, something they hadn't done since their split

"...hi," spencer whispered back before in another short breath, whispered, "you know, i've missed doing cases with you without matteo being involved in them," he whispered again, softly placing valencia back on the ground as she giggled softly, lifting her head up, placing a loose strand of hair behind her ear

"i have as well...and, oh my god, you did amazing during that case! you figured out all the puzzle pieces so goddamn quickly, i could barely keep up with you! oh, also, matteo told me as well that he thought you guys did a great job as well..." it was obvious to spencer that valencia was lying - again, just because you're an amazing profiler, doesn't make you a good liar!

but that didn't make spencer mad, it made him worry as there were little tells that she started to do whenever she mentioned matteo and it was a lie. and, all of this hesitation and lying from valencia made spencer suspicious and think that maybe it was because valencia's scared of matteo but was at the same time so blinded by her love and infatuation for him that she finds her hesitation and lies when she's around him or speaking about him to be normal. seeing this and now after constantly being around matteo since first meeting him, this was now also scaring spencer as much as it was potentially scaring valencia.

"oh, thank you, valencia! i'm so glad that both you and matteo thought that! wait, where did he go, wasn't he just waiting in your car..."spencer asked in confusion as valencia turned to notice that he was right, matteo was no longer in her suv and due to how dark it was since it was way after midnight, it was scary not knowing where her boyfriend was

"...oh, umm, i don't know but it doesn't matter because it just gives us a longer time to chat to each other without him being the background just watching," valencia smiles, her nerves going away as spencer felt sick in his stomach

"okay cool, umm, because it's so cold, do...do you wanna sit in my car for a bit until matteo comes back?" spencer's skin started to crawl, why was matteo acting so shady and possessive over valencia

"can we please?" valencia asked as spencer wasted no more time in unlocking his car as the two of them entered his car and sat together and waited for matteo to return back to valencia's car as spencer tried not to think too much of the situation as once again, like his friends said, one day, spencer would feel the same joy that valencia's found with matteo and that one day soon, spencer is also going to move on

i could smile to hide the truth but i know i was happier with you. 

it was around one am when matteo finally came staggering out of the pub across the street from the fbi building and back to valencia's car. which meant that it was hometime and valencia was once again stuck with matteo being hungover and very unpredictable and began to touch her inappropriately. but, just like spencer had been doing the entire time, valencia was smiling to hide away the truth of how she truly felt. obviously, because he was still there, and spencer didn't want to leave first until valencia and matteo did, matteo joined the last part of their conversation. and it was uncomfortable, for both spencer and valencia because matteo was being blunt, rude, possessive, hungover but he was also trying to cover it up and justifying it by saying he was just being protective of his girlfriend.

"...so, sam, you dated valencia for a brief period of time, how long was it?" matteo, once again called spencer by the wrong name as he asked in a sloppy tone of voice which grossed out valencia and spencer, she had never seen matteo be so crude but assumed it was due to the alcohol and because he was curious since it wasn't the first time he had asked

fighting the urge to roll his eyes, spencer sighed, "it's spencer and yes, i did, valencia and i dated for three years, three months and three days..." the boy wonder corrected the inebriated man as he smiled a small smile, hoping that his feelings were being hidden away and not so obvious

"...hmm...three years...three months...and three days...is...is that what i have to beat baby doll?" matteo slurred as she started to nonconsensually kiss valencia's neck as she nervously gulped, trying to grab his face to get him to stop as spencer watched on in anger and worry

"yes matteo, three years, three months and three days and, i won't lie when i say those three years, three months and three days were bloody fucking fantastic. it was just the worry and a safety thing because of our job that killed us so it was the right person wrong time so i have no idea, maybe you and i could get to three years or even beat it, matteo. however, we are still yet to get to a month so, be patient darling okay, be patient!" valencia spoke with a slight tone in her voice as she smiled, trying her hardest to act all lovey-dovey around him when she was uncomfortable, especially with the few drinks he was influenced by

"mmmkay babyy..." matteo slurred out again as he started to feel his hands around valencia yet again, the girl laughing uncomfortably, trying to hide the very noticeable fear in her eyes and body language even though she was in love with matteo - noncensensual touching was still not okay if you were dating the person

"i love you, matteo, i really do but, we don't touch me like this when we're around other people, okay? that's for our personal private times, got it?" the girl spoke through gritted teeth again, slapping matteo's hand away as the man started to sober up and nodded his head

"okay baby, let's leave then, we can catch up with your friend/ex-boyfriend tomorrow at work! i still have something i need to tell you, remember?" matteo whispered as valencia nodded her head, whispering back to him asking if she could just say one final goodbye to spencer, nodding his head, matteo released his arms from valencia's waist and waited inside the car

situating himself into the car, matteo didn't argue and allowed the exes to have one final goodbye. valencia smiled again as she went back over to spencer to say her goodbyes since the rest of their team had since long gone by this point. they both smiled as they hugged and chatted a little more. valencia and spencer were finally alone again and valencia just smiled and went on her tippy toes as she pulled him in for a hug.

"thanks for helping me during the case today, spence. i truly thought we'd be going home without any answers or any arrests, i think it was also really good for matteo to see how i work and what my job does and for him to meet you guys. it seems as if he's truly interested but, i'll make sure he doesn't always insert himself into whatever case we're doing so, once again, apologies for that. but yeah, it's nice being back at work with you and the rest of the team and yeah, see you tomorrow, same place, same time..." valencia was about to leave when she paused and turned back around

"...i...umm, i know how hard it was for you to see me with matteo and the fact that i have moved on but, i'll always and i mean always love you spence. those three years, three months and three days we were together were truthfully and honestly the best fucking time ever but, i'm with matteo now and, i am glad you're okay with it..." valencia paused again as spencer nodded his head with a small smile on his face, he truthfully was glad she was happy again even though he did have some slight suspicions about the guy alongside the rest of their team who also had suspicions

"...okay, i really have to go now but, i love you loads spence and, i'll see you tomorrow for the next case that i'm sure is going to be even more gruesome than the last two we've had..." valencia blabbed out as she smiled and kissed spencer's cheek, his cheeks flushing a bright pink as he smiled back, his hand slightly grazing his cheek as valencia walked away to her car  

"...yeah, i...i need to go too and yes, you will see me tomorrow for the next case...i love you more..." spencer trailed off as he grazed his cheek that valencia kissed as he sighed - valencia really was in with matteo, she was really happy with him

baby, you look happier you do, i knew one day you'd fall for someone new. 

one month later, it seemed as if valencia and matteo were still dating... that is, what people who saw valencia's personal instagram account thought that is.

liked by matteodelacosta, drsreid, aaronhotchner, penelopegarcia, derekmorgan, emilyprentiss and 100 others

valenciacallahan just a girl and her mans 🤍

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matteodelacosta love you baby!

drsreid so cute you two!

aaronhotchner you two having a nice vacation?

penelopegarcia oh aren't you guys just cute?

derekmorgan we need you back with us pretty girl! we're struggling without your intelligence, pretty boy's isn't enough!

emilyprentiss you have a tattoo?

however though, as most people are aware, not everything that you see online is real and picture-perfect. recently, matteo and valencia were arguing and fighting like crazy. but it wasn't like valencia had done anything wrong, it was just something that had spiralled out of control after matteo had forced valencia to take yet another vacation during a huge string of difficult cases and arguements that he would start. unfortunately, as spencer and the rest of the team, unfortunately, guessed and suspected would happen, matteo was now dangerous and abusive. matteo was so abusive that he would punch walls, merely inches from missing valencia's face each time.

"...matt...matteo, babe, please...please stop! what...what did i do wrong? just...just tell me and i...i can fix it! just...i...i need to get to work!" valencia squeals out, curling up agaisnt the wall and mere inches from where matteo's hand was close to punching her

"stop talking with and seeing that sam guy! it's him that is causing this trouble! DO YOU NOT SEE THE WAY HE LOOKS AT YOU WHEN YOU ARE TOGETHER?!" matteo suddenly raises his voice which makes valencia mad - how dare he say shit about spencer when spencer hadn't done anything wrong

"matteo de la costa! his name is spencer and he has done nothing wrong. the two of us have been friends since we were children and we work together. yes, he's going to look at me in a certain way because we dated for three bloody years and we're best friends and work colleagues but, i means anything but what you think it means because i'm with you and because i love you...not...hot him..." valencia hesitates towards the end as fear surges through her but, it was too late, matteo was mad and his paranoia all the way up to a hundred

"NO VALENCIA, YOU DON'T LOVE ME! YOU NEVER HAVE AND YOU NEVER WILL! YOU HAVE LOVED SPENCER THIS ENTIRE TIME, YOU TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE YOU'D RATHER BE WITH HIM THAN ME!" matteo screams, throwing another punch at the wall, again merely missing valencia by an inch but valencia smiles at the fact he finally got spencer's name right

"FINE! YOU GOT ME MATTEO! I DO LOVE SPENCER AND I STILL DO, I NEVER STOPPED LOVING HIM BECAUSE THE SAFETY OF US BEING TOGETHER WITH THIS DANGEROUS JOB WAS ALWAYS IN THE WAY. WHICH WAS THE REASON WE BROKE UP IN THE FIRST PLACE, NOT BECAUSE WE STOPPED LOVING EACH OTHER! YES, I ADMIT, I TALK ABOUT SPENCER LIKE I'D RATHER SPEND TIME WITH HIM OVER YOU BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER SPEND MY TIME DOING ANYTHING BUT BE SEEN WITH YOU! YOU CONSTANTLY INTERFER WITH MY JOB WHEN ME AND MY TEAM ARE TRYING TO WORK, YOU ARE CONSTANTLY PARANOID FOR NO REASON BECAUSE YOU'RE MEANT TO BE A NURSING STUDENT IN DOWNTOWN VIGIRINA YET YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO FIND A WAY TO FIND ME WHEREVER IT IS I'M DOING A CASE AND YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO INSERT YOURSELF INTO IT FOR NO REASON! SPENCER HAS ALWAYS TREATED ME RIGHT WHEN WE WERE BEST FRIENDS AND WHEN WE DATED! HE'S THE BEST MAN EVER AND I--" just before valencia could continue or pause to defend herself since she was all dressed and ready for the newest case they had been called in for, matteo went crazy and picked up a glass vase

because, the moment valencia realised that matteo had picked up the glass vase, it was too late. matteo had thrown the glass vase and it had struck valencia in the head, causing her to wobble back, smashing into the wall behind her.

she fell unconscious as she slid from the wall to the ground almost lifelessly, blood pouring from the back of her head, the glass that was on the ground now cutting into her skin, causing even more blood to trickle its way down the unconscious valencia's paling body. matteo didn't even stop to realise what he did wrong in his paranoid state and sprinted out of the house just as spencer was walking in because valencia hadn't shown up to work at the right time after matteo would give him that permission for the sake of keeping his girlfriend happy - not because he liked spencer.

matteo didn't even react to the fact that he had just injured his girlfriend until he heard spencer's voice that he had so very familiarised from the boy wonder and his eyes widened as the nursing student sprinted from the house.

"...matteo? are you alright? have you seen val, she was late for wor...oh my god, valencia!" spencer jolted back slightly as matteo ran past him, hitting the agent on his shoulder, his eyes widening the moment he noticed the scene in front of him

grabbing his phone from his pocket, spencer wasted no second in dialling 911 for an ambulance and police after he sent the code word to his team members after the team had created it for the situation of one of their own being in an abusive relationship, never thinking they'd need to use it, "...no, no, no, val, valencia! ahh, crap....come on, pick up, pick up! please help me!" spencer was hysterical within seconds of the 911 operater picking up his phone call

with all the possible information that was obvious from just the scene in front of him, spencer gave it all to the dispatcher who then sent out the ambulance and police vehicle with lights and sirens flashing and blaring. thanking the female dispatcher, ending the call since he could hear the sirens coming down the street, spencer threw his phone to the ground, the phone just stopping before it fell into one of the few puddles of blood as he then leant his back against the wall where valencia was and picked her up, cradling her in his lap.

she was wearing her typical work uniform, her tight v-neck long sleeve, dress pants, her belt, her gun and fbi credentials clipped to the side of her belt and block high heels. swaying the both of them lightly from side to side, spencer tried to keep the both of them calm and valencia as awake as possible as the sirens halted sound as did the flashing lights, meaning the paramedics and police had arrived but the rest of his team were still on their way.

"...cmon val, it's okay darling. just keep your pretty eyes open, it's spence, you're safe..." spencer whispered in a soft, surprisingly calm tone of voice as valencia suddenly squirmed before calming down from the pain of her injury and the fact that she was safe and it was spencer holding her, matteo nowhere to be found

"what...what happened? did...did matteo hit me?" groggy, valencia attempted to ask what had happened, well wanting to know if what happened did happen and she wasn't dreaming as spencer gave a small smile

"yeah babe, matteo hit you. that and he threw a glass vase at your head which caused you to fall back into the wall...but it's okay, matteo's gone and i'm here and the paramedics and police are just walking in and the rest of our team should be arriving shortly as wel, okay, you're safe," spencer stayed calm as valencia nodded her head as best as she could which made spencer relax a little better

immediately, the paramedics went over to check on valencia, both paramedics and police knowing that she was a federal agent as spencer stood up and slipped behind them so as not to be in the way. he felt tears well in his eyes as he watched his best friend get prodded and poked and sked so many questions that the poor thing could barely keep up with their questions.

"...agent callahan, darling, can you please let us help you? my name is sammy and this is angel, we're paramedics and we are here to help you and to treat your injuries..." sammy, the male paramedic repeated for a second to valencia who was slipping between awake and sleep

"...am i okay? where...where's spence?" valencia panicked, no longer about to see spencer as sammy and angel decided that they needed to work quickly and to keep valencia as repsonive for as long as they possibly could

"valencia, spencer is still here, he's just talking to the police, and yes, you are okay, you've just got a head injury and small non-fatal lacerations scattered across your upper body, arms and legs. your head injury is our biggest concern so, could you please tel us your name and your fbi credentials, even though we already know it?" angel then asks as valencia blinks, thinking for a moment but it seemed as if nothing was registering in her mind other than spencer

"uh...umm...i...my..." the first and second try she doesn't get it but, by the third try, she manages to mumble her name and fbi credentials out

"...val...valencia...my name is valencia, i'm...i'm twenty-four and i'm a supervisory special agent with the fbi's behavourial analysis unit and my...my boyfriend matteo de la costa and i got into an arguement before i was supposed to leave for a new case for work and he...he hit me a couple of times after threatening too and then he...he picked up the glass vase and hit me over the head with it as i then fell back, hitting my head again on the wall..." valencia wangles out as the paramedics and spencer, who was teary-eyed, smiled in shock with widened eyes as they listened to valencia remember every single detail of the accident

spencer could barely deal with the unsubs or random strangers treating valencia with that much disrespect but, it shocked him so much more that it was matteo because he was supposedly in love with her and he trusted matteo to take care of her and he didn't.

"...well done, valencia. thank you for the information..." sammy thanked as valencia smiled in return when sammy's attention went back to angel

"...angel, i think the only thing we can do is just get agent callahan into the ambulance and to the hospital, she is back and forth from consciousness even though she does remember her name, her fbi credentials and what happened, there's still a chance that something bad could happen..." sammy concluded as angel agreed straight away, sammy moving forward and picking up valencia in his arms, carrying her bridal style towards the stretcher as they then proceed to wheel her out to the ambulance

spencer then quickly followed after them into the ambulance, obviously his last thought on the glass shards on the floor and the fact he was covered in his ex-girlfriend/coworkers blood, sammy closed the back of the ambulance before jumping into the front seat, flooring down the street to the nearest hospital as angel and spencer sat in the back with valencia.

"...agent reid, if you could, please let agent hotchner, know that he and the rest of the team needs to meet us at the mary washington hospital, it's the closest one," angel spoke up as she continued to monitor valencia's vitals, spencer nodding his head as he immediately grabs his phone and rings hotch

hotch

"hey, hotch, could you and the team meet valencia and me at mary washington hospital, please instead of valencia's apartment?" 

"of course, you guys safely in the ambulance? what about de la costa?"

"have the police found him?" 

"yes, we're safe and in the ambulance. and, about de la costa, we have no idea. we haven't been given any information regarding the police's search for him. but my guess is he just ran for it because i was entering when he was leaving and it was clear he was leaving in a rush. he legged it when i noticed what had happened and didn't have time to run after him and take care of valencia. i walked in further to see that matteo had hit valencia over the head with a glass vase, she couldn't move out of the way quickly enough it seemed. now, i don't exactly know what they were fighting about since i didn't hear it but, the police did take witness statements from neighbours. all i can say is that they were definitely fighting again."

"again? jesus christ, how many more times are they going to fight and she's not going to do something about it? i feel so awful for her, callahan doesn't deserve this!"

"how far away are you guys from the hospital in the ambulance? myself, morgan and prentiss are five minutes away and rossi, jareau and garcia are about ten minutes away"

"the ambulance is like three minutes away hotch, meet me in waiting room three! the hospital with place her in the icu considering it's a head injury!"

"oh you best be there in three, we'll all be there in two! stay safe and, spencer, stay calm, valencia is a strong girl and matteo, the fucker, is going to pay for this!"

"thank you hotch, i'll see you and the team in waiting room three!"

the call between hotch and reid has been disconnected. 

spencer now felt less agitated knowing that when he got to the hospital, his team were also going to be there as well. knowing he wasn't going to be alone really gave spencer some comfort as he now just had to deal with the thought that the person that he thought loved his best friend and ex-girlfriend would even think to do this to her, not just this once but all the countless other times that he and the team suspected he was abusing her.

from what spencer saw of matteo and heard of him, he could be really kind, funny, enthusiastic, sarcastic, an amazing nursing student, a bit of a jerk and petty when he purposefully would eiter misprounounce of call someone by the wrong name, pretty possessive when drunk and constantly try to self-insert himself into the bau whilst they were working on a case, overall, he was a great guy. sure, as mentioned, he did make some uncomfortable and inexcusable comments when drunk and when he'd insert himself to the bau but, maybe valencia got uncomfortable due to never seeing it before those times it did happen when she first introduced her team to matteo. matteo isn't a bad guy, right...right?

*

a couple of weeks go by since valencia was first brought into the hospital by ambulance when she was starting to regain full consciousness again. after many ct scans and x-rays, it had been ruled out that valencia's memory or head injurt was not a serious concern anymore, she was moved out of the icu and into a regular room on the first floor. all she needed was regular pain medication to stop any internal and external swelling.

the entire time that supervisory special agent valencia callahan was confined to her icu room in the hospital, spencer and the rest of the bau were there also. strauss had been asked to give the rest of their impending cases to other units in the bureau until valencia was released and cleared from the hospital. they never actually wanted to leave due to the heavy risk of matteo coming in and attempting to apologise for what he did so, they never left and the hospital staff and unit section chief erin strauss allowed it. for a while, especially at the beginning of valencia's time at the hospital, just the mention of matteo's name between her team members would make valencia stress out which would then cause trauma to her head injury which was something they were heavily trying to avoid.

valencia was beyond grateful to spencer and the rest of her bau family for never leaving her bedside and staying in her room with her. she was grateful because it made her feel safe in knowing that with her team with her, matteo couldn't get to her and they weren't ever going to leave her side, no matter who she chose to fall in love with or out of love with. even if she only started to realise it now, in a hospital bed as well-respected, well-acclaimed federal agent, in a hospital bed out of the icu that she was with the wrong person.

"...spence..." valencia mumbled, filling out the silence as she had just finished some testing which caused her to be a little drugged and groggy, spencer smiled at hearing his name

"...yeah, what's up, valencia?" spencer responded softly, quickly turning to face her again as he grabbed her hand to hold, making the drowsy agent smile at the connection

"was...were the police actually able to find out what happened? what did matteo and i actually fight about?" valencia questioned, shocking spencer as since the accident, spencer and the team had been quite apprehensive about telling the full story what what matteo did since for some reason, maybe due to a trauma response that spencer would totally knew the ins and outs of, valencia could remember everything else about what happened but the actual fight that led. upto her injuries

and the reason being was that, a couple of days after being transferred to the hospital, spencer recieved a phone call from the police that had been dispatched out on his 911 call and told him that they not only had found and apprehended matteo de la costa but his statement of events lined up basically identically to every single one of the witness statements from the surrounding neighbouring apartments who had heard the two of the them fighting. and, now, valencia wanted to be told? this worried everyone but no one was more worried than spencer himself was.

"val...valencia, are you sure you want me to tell you? what he did was horrific..." spencer trailed off, fighting back his own tears as valencia slowly nodded her head yes

seeing the head nod, spencer breathed in as the rest of the team, even hotch and rossi, braced themselves as spencer was the only one to be given that follow up phone call with the information from the police.

"...please, spence. i...i wanna know and i'm ready, besides, i deserve to know, don't i?" valencia was certain that she wanted to know and she made it clear, spencer nodded his head as he then held his hand out for his best friend to hold, which she reciprocated straight away

"...okay, umm, just to preface this, this is what i was told by the police and what they were told by him and the witnesses that heard it..." however, it seemed as though spencer no longer needed to tell the story since whatever trauma response was blocking valencia from remembering before was gone and she remembered

her eyes widened as she squeezed spencer's hand tighter, "...i...oh my god...i remember what we were fighting over!" she called out, making spencer turn his head up again, in a bit of shock but a little bit glad since that was the one thing the police were a bit iffy about telling him

"what was the fight over, callahan?" hotchner speaks up, spencer not able to as the rest of the team all nervously awaited to hear. it,not expecting to be told what valencia was about to tell them

valencia never imagined she'd be embarrassed saying this but she was, making eye contract with spencer, "it...the fight was over you, spence..." the injured agent then turned her head back down to her hands that rested in the hospital sheets as spencer sat in shock, the fight was over him?

"...it...the fight was over me?" spencer could feel his breathing pick up as valencia nodded her head slowly as she continued the story further, remembering other things that spencer had already been told by the police that the team were hearing for the first time

"mhm, it was because i couldn't stop talking about you and the team to matteo. he...he must have thought i was cheating on him and that we were dating behind his back or something, his paranoia clearly the highest it's ever been and, he...he told me to stop talking about you as he then started to talk crap about you..." valencia paused as spencer's jaw tensed up as he gulped down some saliva that he was almost about to choke on

the rest of the team were listening in pure shock, "....i, of course, defended you, saying you look at me the way you because you did date for three years, we work together and that we are still best friends, so i didn't take any care at how you looked at me as that's how you have always looked at me, even as kids before we dated. i told matteo i loved him, though it was with hesitation and i think that's what made him even madder as that was when he started to yell, saying that i didn't love him and that i...that i still loved you, spence..." the drowsy agent trailed off again as she licked her lips as she continued, spencer lightly caressing her hand in comfort with his thumb

"...and, that...was when i said it. i shouted it actually, telling him that he was correct...i...i do still love you, spence. i *sigh* i never stopped loving you spence, i seriously didn't, even when it became dangerous to keep on loving you. i then explained to matteo that the reason why we broke up was because of our jobs and how dangerous it would have been if we stayed together and the fear of having something bad happening to one of us, not that we didn't love each other and that i talk about you so much because you are incredible spence, you truly are!" once again, valencia paused so she could catch her breath and take a gulp of water before continuing, spencer remaining engaged and listening, the rest of the team in silent shock but slight joy

"i then continued on saying how you always treated me right, not just when we dated but as best friends and work colleagues and, i know i shouldn't have but, it was all i could think to say. and that was what drove him over edge but i just kept on going and kept on egging him on and pushing him by saying how much of an amazing person you are when he just couldn't handle it anymore and...and then he picked up the glass vase and he threw it at me...and i didn't realise he had thrown it until it was too late and bam, it hit me right in the back of the head and i just, fell and slid down the wall, the shards of glass underneath me just cutting into me..." valencia trailed off, most especially after mentioning that she was still in love with spencer, even after she had convinced herself that she had moved on from her best friend and that it was safer to not date him even when she hadn't ever really planned to do that

this quite obviously caught spencer breathless as he tried to form a coherent sentence, "...val...valencia, you...still love me?" he stammered out as the drowsy, medically drugged-up agent nodded her head as her lip quivered

"oh my gosh, spencer, yes! matteo broke my heart, maybe even more than my heart actually and i should have known! spence, this wasn't the first fight matteo and i had had! it was maybe at least the tenth or something crazy stupid like that. those photos of us on my instagram post when we were supposed to be on vaction were taken ages ago which was before i even introduced you guys to him during those cases that he inserted himself into. as soon as the cases started getting longer and more gruesome, causing me to be away from matteo more and more, we had just hit breaking point, matteo and i. it was always, always matteo accusing me of something, never me accusing him because i stupidly trusted and loved him enough to think that he wouldn't hurt me or break my heart because he wouldn't get hurt since he wasn't apart of the fbi. yet i've still ended up in the hospital without even needing to get hurt during a case which is just as worse as getting injured during a case by an unsub. i...i am so sorry i never told you or confirmed your guys' suspicions, i...i was just scared, so scared that matteo would hurt me if he found out i was trying to ask you guys for help or for a way out," valencia trailed off, a small single tear escaping from the corner of her eye to her cheek, spencer wiping it away

and if he breaks your heart like lovers do, just know that i'll be waiting here, for you

spencer and valencia sat in silence with one another just staring at each other, consoling one another and wiping away each other's tears. the team watching on saw the love and infatuation, the same one they always had for each other, spark all over again as if it never faded. valencia never stopped loving spencer, she was just waiting for the right time for them to be safe again so she and spencer could met back up again at the perfect roadblock and start from where they had left off.

and that's actually what they ended up doing and, it was like love at first sight again for the. twoof them. that was, after hotch had given them both permission to date one another again since it was no longer a safety issue for them to date again.

"...i love, valencia, i never stopped loving you..."

"...i love you too, spence, i never stopped loving you either!"

six months later

liked by drsreid, derekmorgan, katerinacallahanvasquez, emilyprentiss, aaronhotchner, penelopegarcia and 100 others

valenciacallahan can someone please tell my sister and brother-in-law to stop copying me and spence's poses please? congratulations to mr and mrs noah and katerina callahan vasquez, spence and i send our love and best wishes for your guys' new marriage 🤍

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drsreid the audacity your sister and brother-in-law have to steal our poses! seriously though, congrats noah and katerina, we love you so much and wish the best for your guys' marriage 🤍

derekmorgan congratulations katerina and noah! i'm so glad that pretty boy and pretty girl got to go back home to be at the wedding!

katerinacallahanvasquez blame the photographer! they chose the pose not us! but thank you sissy, noah and i love you and spencer too! and hopefully, the next wedding is your guys' ;)

emilyprentiss awe, congratulations to katerina and noah! so glad you guys could actually be at their wedding 🤍

aaronhotchner congratulations katerina and noah! glad to see that you and spencer took the vaction days 🤍

penelopegarcia awe, this is gorgeous! congrats to katerina and noah! hopefully the next wedding is you and spencer's, val 🤍

and if he breaks your heart like lovers do, just know that i'll be waiting here, for you and he was waiting there for her and, spencer finally got his girl back safe and sound whilst still able to keep their jobs as fbi agents with the behavioural analysis unit. no longer worrying if they'd be targeted by unsubs with personal vendettas against them.

- - - 

rewriting this for dr spencer reid was so much fun and i kinda wish i continued further but maybe that just calls for a part two ;).

ok ily bye xx

wc; 13455

#criminal minds #angst but happy ending #spencer reid x bau reader #jennifer jareau #derek morgan #david rossi #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner #penelope garcia

[kalena-henden]

Lee Je Hoon's Chief Detective 1958 starts today. Can't wait to watch! I enjoyed him in Taxi Driver and really want to watch through his filmography eventually.

Lovely Runner is knocking my socks off! Byeon Wook Seok and Kim Hye Yoon are killing both the comedy and the drama. Wook Seok is the cutest loser in love! The mystery and unexpected twists are fun and interesting. I hope this quality storytelling continues. I'm on the edge of my seat.

I only have 3 episodes left of Love Me Love My Voice which has been wonderful and heartwarming. I love the main romance but the friendships and secondary romances have been given ample time to shine as well. I'm always here a good found family. I really like how the dramatic readings and song perfomances have been carefully woven into the story to further the character development. Definitely recommend.

Now we come to our debrief on The Smile Has Left Your Eyes. Whoa, what a rollercoaster. The first half was interesting with many characters' selfish and dark intentions mixed with a little mystery were set up in contrast to our optimistic, self-sacrificing female lead. However, the second half drowned in major events happening and then being dismissed as if they never happened, multiple secret keepers refusing to tell the secret multiple times an episodes even when asked point blank when the answers could stop so many bad things from happening, and the existential dread I felt about what the big reveal was going to be only for it to completely dismissed. (FYI I found out what I thought was going to be the big reveal IS the actual reveal in the darker Japanese version it's based on.) After episode 14, I wasn't sure I could continue watching the show. But after a night of uneasy sleep, I decided to finish it the next morning on double speed to get through it. I did watch the last 10 minutes at regular speed. While there were some well done things about their relationship in the second half, it couldn't save the show for me even though I went in knowing this was not an HEA. Overall, I was just left feeling angry and exhausted. As a Seo In Guk fan, this was a show I had long wanted to see, just to find out what my opinion on it would be. I'm sad that the SIG fanmeet has been post-poned, hopefully I will be able to make the next date. But this means I feel okay to stop my SIG show binging so I will not be watching Hello Monster anytime soon. I'm actually impressed with how much of SIG's filmography I've already seen (7 shows as a ML, 4 shows as a cameo, and 1 movie). I'm pretty sure it's more than I've seen any other kdrama actor or actress.

After a bad experience at the new dentist yesterday, where the hygienist manhandled my teeth and they tried to upsell me on services, I was in need of a comfort rewatch. I've been thinking alot about Lee Jun Young lately and decided to break out the first thing I ever saw him in, Imitation. I was only going to watch a few favorite parts from an episode or two and ended up binging my favorite parts of most of the series. lol I really hope his upcoming Cinderella romcom with Pyo Ye Jin is going to be good.

I slowly picked Vigilante back up again this week and was excited to see Lee Joon Hyuk's character finally emerge to add a boost of energy and chaos to the story.

Now that I've got some time and the second half of the series has finally dropped, I will continue watching Chae Jong Hyeop's Eye Love You.

#chief detective 1958 #lovely runner #love me love my voice #the smile has left your eyes #imitation #eye love you #kdrama #kalena watches tv #kalena watches kdramas #tv #tv list #kalenapost

[dedalvs]

welcome back! i’ve really been enjoying langtime studio. it’s been really inspirational for my own conlanging, both regarding the linguistics stuff you guys use as well as your general workflow

Thank you! That was the hope.

For those unfamiliar, LangTime Studio is a joint project by me and Jessie Sams (@quothalinguist). Jessie and I created the Méníshè language for Motherland: Fort Salem, and we loved working together so much that we wanted something else to do in the downtime between that first season and a potential season 2 (which was no guarantee, at the time). I couldn't wait for some other job to come along, so I decided to do something with a project I'd been neglecting.

For a long time, I've wanted to do something that was essentially a board game version of the Sega Genesis game Shining Force (for newer gamers, it's like proto-Fire Emblem, but better). I wanted to set it in a post-human Earth featuring anthropomorphic animals (mutated somewhat like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), and I wanted them all to speak their own languages. They'd have absolutely no connection to previous human languages, just as they'd have no connection to previous human culture. In order to have any characters in this game, I'd have to create actual languages to draw names from, and I kept stalling.

Originally my plan was to "upgrade" my old languages. I was goingj to have five different anthropomorphic species, and I was going to take the following languages and redo them, bringing them up to my current standard:

Cats: Zhyler

Rabbits: Kamakawi

Opossums: Sidaan

Dogs: Gweydr

Mice: Njaama

I even started with Zhyler (I have a tiny little document called New Zhüler on my computer), but there was just too much to change... It ripped the heart and soul out of the original projects, and the new versions simply weren't as good as I wanted them to be.

Then I hit an idea that combined this idea with one I'd had earlier (to wit: Some famous author could set up a subscription service where essentially they write their new novel on, like, Google Docs, and they let people watch literally while they write). What if Jessie and I created these languages together, and did it on YouTube, and then started a Patreon to justify the work hours we were putting into it?

And this is where LangTime Studio was born. Jessie and I worked together to come up with the details, and ultimately we decided we'd stream every Thursday at 2 p.m. Pacific. We've been doing it now since February of 2020, and we've worked our way through the languages for the rabbits, opossums, and mice, and we're nearing completion on our cat language. Only the dog language remains!

I'd always hoped that anyone could pop in at any time and not have to be there from the beginning of the season. I mean, if you're watching Bob Ross, it's fascinating to see him start from a totally blank canvas, but if he's already got a sky, ground, and a mountain on there, it's not like you turn it off. It's still fun to see a happy little tree come into being!

Most of the time it looks like this:

That is, Jessie and I spend a lot of time to thinking and trying to figure out what to do next, and people watch and chat and give us ideas, answer questions, etc.

It's been a fun Thursday tradition for us for what's coming on three years now, and we're looking to keep going!

So that's partly what we've been up to. We didn't know how well we'd be able to keep it up with my travel schedule, but you'll notice this started in February of 2020. February 27th, in fact. I actually did have a talk in between then and the total lockdown which put our second episode on a Wednesday. The next talk I had was canceled. And the next one. And the next one. And the next one...

Of course, catching a live stream isn't something everyone can do or wants to do, but hey, if you want to know what it's like for a conlanger to work on a language from absolute zero to fairly functional, this is it. I'd always hoped especially that beginning conlangers would find it inspiring and encouraging to see how utterly and completely lost we get—and how often it happens. Like anything else, you just gotta keep plugging away. :)

#conlang #language #archipithecus #lts #langtime #langtime studio #quothalinguist #engála #wokuthízhű #tpaalha #sarkezhe #méníshè #motherland #motherland fort salem #fort salem #switches

[prismatoxic]

anyway, fun story:

so @captainfkingmagic got into mgs sometime in 2008. we've been together for like 8 or 9 years now and he's mentioned it a lot (and made me watch metal gear awesome a whole bunch) but you'd be surprised how much media you have to share with each other when you get into a committed relationship. there's still a decent handful of things we haven't gotten around to

so, anyway, this year (like 4 months ago?) he got a hankering to play mgs1 again. he has the ps3 collection, and that seemed the best way to play, and he got somewhere after the ocelot fight when our ps3 (which had been having issues previously but we had repaired) started overheating again. to the point of shutting off. now, this ps3 was my ps3, and his ps3 had already bitten the dust some years prior for similar reasons (exacerbated by it being a launch version with bad soldering). so you can imagine how frustrating this was.

well, we had enough money at the time for him to just go ahead and get us a slim ps3. which took like a week to arrive, and, you know, by then i think he could be forgiven for not having the energy to go through mgs1 again up to the ocelot fight. i don't remember when he decided to try anyway; if it wasn't the night the ps3 arrived then it wasn't too long after.

so he finally gets to show me mgs1. all of mgs1. sans the meryl ending, bc fuck that, he went otacon. i mean, i had to see it, right?

needless to say, i was pretty hooked. i liked it a lot but, admittedly, wasn't super jazzed about mgs2 conceptually bc i knew raiden took over. he said he'd wait a few days to start it, then started it like. 1 day later. gamers amirite

anyway, mgs2 was great. hooked me also. but then i wasn't super jazzed about mgs3, bc it wouldn't be about snake and otacon.

anyway, mgs3 was great. hooked me also. but then i wasn't super jazzed about mgs4, because otacon cheats on snake and also snake gets old and dies.

anyway, mgs4 was... fine. like, it wraps up the solid snake arc pretty well, but it's also fucking batshit and there were several plot points and characters who i just found grating. (naomi. i found naomi grating)

so we finish mgs4 and like, okay, that's the solid snake story. fuck rising, and mgs5 is its own whole beast. so i finally said: hey. you wanna rp otasune?

and of course he did, he's been into otasune for like 15 years but never really got into the fandom aspects of it back then. so here's where things get amusing...

see, i've had trouble getting him to agree to fandom rps in the past, or if he does, had trouble getting him to stick with them. he's too oc-brained. which is fine, but after 4 games i was obsessed and i really doubted i'd find anyone better, more interesting, or more willing to put up with my bullshit. so i was like, okay, let's ease into this. we can do a silly little high school au so the pressures of the canon setting aren't present. and, of course, i'd let him play otacon.

...now you may be looking at my icon. and all my otacon posts. and wondering what that was about. well, see, he likes snake and otacon both, and hadn't expressed to me at any point just how much snake was his favorite (or if he had i had glossed over it). so because otacon was my favorite, i think i just assumed otacon would be his favorite, and even though he knew that wasn't true, he agreed anyway. (maybe i sounded like i really wanted to play snake? in truth i was trying to excite myself about it; i wanted otacon, but if i couldn't have otacon, i wanted to want to play snake).

he did say maybe we could switch it up sometime. i thought maybe he just didn't know who he really liked best, but i was happy to agree.

the first rp was fine, but fizzled out fairly quickly, which made me anxious. despite all my careful approaching, it seemed like we wouldn't be able to stick with it. maybe it was for the best; i found snake hard to capture. i wrote a fic in the high school setting to try and satiate myself.

well, eventually he brought up that he'd like to do something in canon instead. he'd been concerned with living up to canon settings in the past, but mgs was so zany that he figured he could handle it. so we picked after the tanker to set a rp. he asked if maybe he could play snake this time.

i found otacon way easier to write, though i was still feeling out what i wanted to do with him. within days we had a new idea. and then another... and another...

and we're still doing otasune rps. the first one started july 12th. at some point he finally said, hey, i never wanted to play otacon, he's not my favorite. and i was like. oh. well i feel silly now. but i have embraced otacon as my little blorbo now that i know i don't have to compete for him, lmao... love is all about sacrifices! it's also about being a fucking idiot sometimes

#tox.txt

[lilfriezatyrant]

Omg guys...500 followers?!

I can't really express any joy in a correct measure. I am overwhelmed! 500 people, without annoying bots. (♡´౪`♡)

I thank each one of you with all my heart.

💜💜💜

Thank you, thank you so much! (〃ω〃)

You have made the blog what it is today and I am glad to have met such nice people here. Incredible friendships have developed.

(〃艸〃)

Of course I will continue to support, reblog, post my thoughts, screenshots and gifs. Maybe also write little scenes about Frieza.

As much as my time allows and as much as I have motivation.

My motto will always be:

"All Hail Emperor F!"

And thanks to @zaphiregz for these wonderful pictures. They are perfect and you made them even more perfect in your style. (•ө•)♡

Frieza and his little chestnut. His little prodigy Kuriza. I really appreciate your work and will also always support you. <3 <3 <3

#frieza #freeza #final form #Kuriza #personal #Appreciation post #Thank you so much! #And a big thank you to my dearest followers 😘 and Frieza twin 😍 #zaphiregz's art #Awesome and gorgeous art #they look so perfect qwq #Proud Father and happy son #500 #I couldn't decide which version I will set in the posting so...now we have both versions :3

[corvus-ix]

Two Souls in One Body

Chapter 2

←Prev Chap. Masterlist. Next Chap→

It's been months now every since this nightmare begin.

I tried my luck at Liyue, it's a bit worse than Mondstadt. The Millelith didn't hide their hostility unlike the Knights of Favonius, who just stare at me with dark gaze.

To make things worst the vision user or should I say playable characters join in but not all of them, some of them stayed neutral

They neither helping the hunters or me.

I currently hidden Dvalin lair. Within the months I stayed here in Teyvat, I notice something...... The mobs..... Their..... friendly?

The non-human mobs are alot more friendly and nicer for some reason.

They help me provide foods, drinks and they even help me set this camp here, that's one worry down, my other worry is my injuries I got while being hunted down, despite being warp up with bandage (which the hilichurls probably steal from the humans) I still need to-

. . .

. . . . .

. . . . . .

. . . . . . . .

I passed out... again... sh#t! If this continues I will completely lose it!

Everything hurts! Why do I have to endure this!?

I was playing the game ever since it's release, I'm even one of the beta tester, I even study and analyse every lore it has because it's was really interesting, but never I encounter this so called God, that even Zhongli and Venti worship.

I doubt that God is "The Unknown God" from the game opening cutscenes since the traveler are the only ones who mention her plus we don't even have similarities in our looks for them to call me imposter, sign....

During my stay here I learned I can use most of the game features like the Teleport Waypoints, the Alchemy Bench and other features. I can also cook the same way how to in-game but I don't get its effects like healing or boast up so finding medical herbs is in my to-do list, that's why I'm currently exploring Liyue forest and mountains, most of the herb like qixing, violetgrass and lutos head are here

I already have alot of mints, sweet flowers and wofthook so the other three are what is left for me to start experimenting healing potion.

I do want to mention to myself during those learning to use process I been hearing murmurs and been dreaming more vividly, I see a few very familiar places and people in those dream but those places and faces were not from my world, they're from......

. . .

I was trying reach for the last violetgrass I felt a piercing pain at my back, I almost fall from the sudden pain but as another pain in left shoulder and another at my right arm, the pain was to must I couldn't feel neither of arms and thus I fall, It must have been the hunters.

I couldn't move my arm to use the Teleport Waypoints, I couldn't anything but to wait for my death as I fall.

Some of my body part hit the side of the mountain while I was falling it only stop when I hit the ground......

Nothing I couldn't see anything but I do hear something, but I couldn't understand it because of the extreme pain

I heard it got louder then sudden silence....

......

............

.................

.......................

The reader has pass out at that point where everything went silent.

I mentioned in one of my brainrot post that this AU gonna have two versions/route;

- The Fatui

- The Abyss Order

I will write both ver, but I want you guys to decide on what route do you wanna see first. After finishing the first route, I'm gonna write the other route

#sagau #genshin impact #genshin self aware #ENA! Reader #ENA! SAGAU Reader #Two Souls in One Body

[colourful-void]

Supporting Satoshi - an examination and comparison of JN36 and XY121

Part One: Snowballs do not cure depression but it was worth a shot

You know that episode of Pokemon where a gym leader beats Satoshi in a battle so hard that one of his pokemon gets mildly hurt (though there's no long term effects) and because of it he becomes depressed, closing himself off from his friends before someone comes along to pull him out of that mental state, and also severe weather phenomena is involved and a reflection of a persons mental state? Or rather, the two episodes?

So when I was watching Journeys, I noticed an episode that had a similar-- but distinctly different-- plot to an xy episode I had seen before. And what was particularly interesting was that while I couldn't stand the xy episode, the journeys episode was one of my favourites. I won't drag this out for you guys, I love the journeys episode and re watch it a LOT and the xy episode sort of just leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth. and don't go claiming its solely ship bias, because i saw the xy episode first and disliked it then.

This will analyze both of these episodes, comparing them against each other. Specifically within the context of how Goh and Serena both help Satoshi through a similar situation There will be some discussion of AmourShipping and Satogou in this analysis. I'm going to be a bit negative regarding Serena's actions and the potential "romantic" weight of them here, but I want to be clear that I Do Not dislike Serena as a character. Personally, I wish the writers had given her more room to grow outside of her romantic interests, but I do not hate Serena as a character. I do, however, disagree with her actions in this episode. Please don't take this out of context and dont be ship fighting in the comments, it's boring. This is a comparison of These Two Episodes, not of Goh and Serena and their respective ships as a whole.

This part mainly focuses on the xy episode and the second will focus mainly on the journeys. It's only divided into parts because of the tumblr post limit.

(If you like the xy episode or hate the journeys episode, awesome! having your own opinions is great. these are mine though, so i hope you'll listen to them)

With that out of the way, let's start. And I'm going to use mostly japanese names here because I'm taking screencaps from the subbed japanese copies.

The set up for each of these episodes is eerily similar as pointed out in the gag at the start.

Xy has a bit more set up before the episode in question though, with the initial loss and retreat into the forest by Satoshi taking place the episode before. The episode opens up proper with Satoshi taking time to breathe to himself, alone in the forest.

Emphasis is placed on him taking a deep breath, aided by the visuals showing them (thanks cold air) and the silence of the rest of the soundscape, with the only other sounds being the wind and some bird pokemon, plus some falling snow.

Journeys Satoshi starts off in a better mental state than Xy, with the episode starting off with him jogging along with his pokemon.

However, we can still see that he's been affected by the last battle he lost, against Saitou, as he's putting a lot of effort into training and doing better.

Which, doesn't go well for him, as he loses his next two battles as well, and drops in the World Championship ranking as a result

And he's pretty upset about it too. Same thing as over in xy. In both cases, a respective friend/love interest notes that Satoshi is upset and expresses concern.

He's got support from his friends in both situations! But that support comes across in very different ways.

But, to understand how that support manages to affect Satoshi, we need to understand the problem at play.

Now, I wanna make something clear here. Satoshi's problem is not that he is a sore loser. I'm not arguing that's not a contributing factor, or that he's not upset about the loss (particularly in the world championships), He's still bitter about the lost part, but the root of the problem is not losing, he's been shown to be fine with losing (if not a bit more motivated to win now) in prior episodes.

Satoshi's problem is that his pokemon are getting hurt. Satoshi's problem is that his pokemon are getting hurt, because they're losing battles. Satoshi's problem is that his pokemon are losing battles because he's not training them well enough. And to clarify, that's not my viewpoint, it's his. Satoshi's problem is that he's not good enough for himself, and he feels that that's something he has to fix on his own.

So how do we help him?

Our weather event in question is introduced in separate points in the episodes, but I'll cover them both now.

In xy, it's this snowstorm, which conveniently becomes a problem directly after Serena returns to the Pokemon Centre.

In journeys, it's a sandstorm! That's in near direct contrast to a snowstorm! Incredible.

Heading back to xy Satoshi, things aren't going great in the forest. Luckily, Serena's run off to find him.

I think it's of note here that Serena runs off with the best intentions, she wants to help Satoshi, plain and simple. It just sort of goes wrong along the way.

It's worth noting that Xy Satoshi tries to bring himself out of being sad by the tried and true method of "stop being sad"

Despite telling himself this, he doesn't get anywhere. Which makes sense, because it's not getting the the root of the problem. It's not even addressing it at all. He's just trying to 'be better', which isn't even a battle strategy. However, it is something I can see him saying, so this isn't a critique of Satoshi's thought process, but me pointing out that this isn't really effective. Which is supported by the narrative, because again, he doesn't get anywhere, he doesn't even move.

I can't show it in screencaps but the lights in Satoshi's eyes are shaking here, something that they consistently do throughout the series when he's feeling a particularly strong emotion. Keep that in mind. It couples well with another trait of his, and that's his hat!

And by that I mean how he hides his eyes with the brim of it when upset, something he does exactly as Serena shows up and calls out to him. Now, he's not upset that Serena is here. He's upset about the pokemon stuff still. He's trying to hide the fact that he's upset from Serena.

Serena starts off with her speech well, trying to appeal to Satoshi to let her in and talk things out. And maybe it's because he wasn't ready for it yet, or because of the way she phrases it (a lot of 'i' and 'me' language which can be helpful but can also come across as though she's making it about her. not her intent i don't think, but a possible interpretation.), it's not her fault for how Satoshi reacts regardless.

But how Satoshi reacts is not good.

Now it's really interesting to note that before this, Serena was standing while Satoshi was sitting, putting her above him in terms of active power, when it comes to how the shot is presented, but when Satoshi stands up, the camera tilts with the movement so that they're on equal level. Neat!

And Serena yells in return, scolding Satoshi for not talking about it. Not the best move, since pushing someone to talk about something that's upsetting them isn't really productive, but she's trying here and she's frustrated.

Satoshi continues to withdraw and self isolate, claiming it is his problem and that he wants to be left be. Now, this is the mindset of a clearly upset person and isolation may not be the best option, but he did make the explicit request to be left alone here.

He's clearly upset as he turns away from Serena's eye and slumps over a little.

And then Serena throws a snowball at him.

Angry as he is, you can see Satoshi's expression change when he sees Serena's reaction.

Serena tells Satoshi that she's not like the Satoshi she knows, who is always full of energy and positive and a leader, and a bunch of other positive traits. The problem here, is that Serena's looking at an idealized version of Satoshi. And while the intent here was probably meant to be something more like "you have so many wonderful traits about you I know you can do this", coupled with the snowballs and the phrasing, it seems as though Serena is scolding Satoshi for being sad.

Or rather, being angry with him for not living up to her idealized version of him, and not wanting him to express any negitave emotions.

Which is sort of a really bad mindset.

The snowballs continue, never once does Satoshi fight back. In fact, he stops arguing entirely after the first one. Serena knocks him off his feet and tells him he's not being himself, before running off. (In the english dub, Serena claims that Satoshi isn't being "the real satoshi" and then demands that the real Satoshi be "given back", so it could be worse)

Satoshi decides to literally run his problems away, because it will help him reach some kind of conclusion, and immediately trips and falls down a large hill. No, I'm not making that up. Something like this just isn't like him. He's just gotta stop being sad!

Now personally, I really disagree with the idea that "being upset" isn't "like a person". That's because based off of my own experiences, I know it can be really damaging to hold the mindset that any negative emotions you feel aren't a part of you and that you shouldn't be upset because you're usually a positive and happy person. Not the case with every person, but I personally really have a problem with shows telling children that they just shouldn't be upset instead of processing their emotions in a meaningful way. (The journeys episode doesn't do an outstanding job of it either, but this is a bit of a tangent anyway. A show that does do this right is "OK KO! Let's be Heroes" which actually deals with this problem in greater depth and does a fantastic job of it.)

But the snowball scene ends here. Now I'll get back to Journeys in a moment, but since Serena has finished her part of the comparison for the most part, I'm going to summarize a bit more of the xy episode.

Satoshi decides to literally run his problems away, because it will help him reach some kind of conclusion, and immediately trips and falls down a large hill. No, I'm not making that up.

The snowstorm kicks in, Serena get back annoyed, then similarly groans and yells, and the whole xy gang + pokemon go running off in search of Satoshi. Pikachu appears the most concerned.

Now Serena tells the others she lost her cool and said something horrible to Satoshi, but explains its because Satoshi is someone she admires. Cool motive, I get it, still kinda bad.

and in the end, it's not Serena's words that get he message across to Satoshi. The solution to this problem was Satoshi finding a way to reaffirm his abilities and instinct.

In the xy episode, he helps some pokemon out of the tree, and when his very cool frog friend shows up, they're able to work together with their bond to save this one from falling off a cliff.

Here's the point. Satoshi learns by doing, by actions. He needs to see first hand that there are ways of getting past his problems, and that it's worth having the courage to keep going. The lesson is about valuing pokemon as equals and partners, and specifically that trying to be better as the trainer alone isn't going to help.

This is essentially where this plot line ends, team rocket is there for a bit as well but as much as i love them they're not relevant here, and some fun stuff with the league, love it not important right now its like 3am and I'm not sleeping until this is finished so we gotta keep things moving.

This was no doubt Serena's intent to get a similar point, but she goes about it the wrong way. She tries to convey this with words, as conversation and motivational words have helped her in the past (Elle's words of praise stick with her, Satoshi's words from when they were kids, etc). It's a good idea, but their different ways of learning and growing from a similar situation are incompatible, and that's why things don't work out in Serena's favour. There's also still the problem of "pulling yourself together" not being helpful in this case.

There's also a very similar line in this scene to the one at the end of the journeys episode, as Satoshi says to his frog that they should start over from scratch. It's essentially the same phrase with different wording. It's great. The Storm ends as he realizes this as well! Wonderful in terms of pathetic fallacy.

The gang all reunites, its nice. Satoshi thanks Serena for what she said after apologizing to everyone, which contradicts what he said earlier but I've already established that I dislike this message here so I won't go over it too much. I guess he's right in a literal sense in that in response to her words he went and ran until he tripped off a cliff but the emotional growth here was because of his own actions (and the frogs), not Serena's. Sorry Serena, you'll get em next time.

This is essentially where this plot line ends, team rocket is there for a bit as well but as much as i love them they're not relevant here, and some fun stuff with the league, love it not important right now its like 3am as I write this so we gotta keep things moving.

So. What about Goh?

Well...

(Part Two here on account of image limit!!)

#pokemon #anipoke #pokeani #pokemon analysis #pokemon xy #pokemon xyz #trainer ash #trainer serena #trainer goh #i dont wanna use the amourshipping tag to put negtivity in it that seems mean #analysis #this was written in the 2-3am area but the next part was written 12 hours later so thats a neat fact #long post

[stxleslyds]

MY TOUGHTS ON PART THREE OF RED HOOD BY CHIP ZDARSKY :)

A DC RENDITION OF THE SONG “MOTHER KNOWS BEST” FROM TANGLED.

Here I will leave the links to my reviews of Part 1 and Part 2

Well, here we are, three issues in this story of only six parts and i still cant tell if i like it or not. What i know for sure tho is that Zdarsky never read any Red Hood books, i had my suspicions but now i am at least 95% sure.

This Jason has been nerfed. We had a perfectly balanced Jason back in 2005 he was smart, skilled, confident and strategic. Then from 2011 to 2020 (let’s put the fact that Lobdell is trash aside for a moment) Jason was skilled, he had the whole “chosen one” thing going on with the all-castle, and in some moments you could even see him being quick witted and confident. But now in this first half of this story he is extremely insecure, his skill set and expertise is barely there and is presented as just reckless. 

The other day i was talking about how DC treats Jason, how they just can’t decide on who he is, what motivates him or what he wants. His personality is a whole ass mess, it was fine in 2005 and 2010 when Winick wrote him but then Lobdell from years 2011 to 2020 just couldn't decide what he wanted to do with Jason or his relationship with Batman and his rules. After Lobdell finally left Jason was passed around people who either only read Lobdell's work, or didn't read anything from him or didn't take into account Jason's life because their book was set in a future that may never happen. 

What i am trying to say is that Jason doesn't have a personality, and writers don't really add things to the Jason that we “know”, what they do is start his story from zero over and over again. There is no consistency to Jason's character and while you could argue that maybe this new start could be the definite version of Jason Todd/Red Hood i will point out that this nerfed version of him is a major disservice to the character that he was when he was brought back to DC.

It’s simply not nice. 

And in this particular issue the “Jason isn't that good at this whole vigilante gig” is even more pushed because of the whole “batman knows best” bullshit. I am not getting this (anthologies) book with a Red Hood story just for Batman to come in and be like “I am actually good at this job, you know nothing AND i have the moral high-ground”, this is NOT it.

If you are reading a Red Hood story chances are that you will be interested in Red Hood not Batman. 

Oh one more thing, Jason was an excellent Robin. He was kind, smart and skilled. I liked the flashbacks in UtRH because it showed Jason being all that but he also understood a couple of things about the kind of criminals that Gotham had, your common thug is easily scared of the concept of Batman but the dress-ups knew that no matter what they did the Bat would never kill them, that’s what Jason thought about criminals there.

This Robin Jason is treated rather poorly by Zdarsky at times, he feels insecure and inferior to Dick but he is also dismissive of him and the Robin mantle in the first issue, now in this one he is shown as way too reckless (which is kinda bad because it feeds into DCs favorite trope of “Jason’s death was Jason’s fault”) and his stance on “low level” criminals is weird, like it was made clear that drug related criminals are Jason’s biggest issue, thieves were not. 

Those are my general thoughts on this issue and the current state of Jason’s characterization. I have some panels from this issue that i want to talk about in more depth tho, so here we go. 

The issue stars were we left off once more, Tyler defends Jason and when Batman asks who he is Tyler says that he is the Blue Hood, that was really sweet of him, that child is adorable and he needs to be protected. 

Once the Bat distracts Tyler Jason tells the Bat that the man he killed was Tyler’s dad. 

There are a couple of things i want to point out from these panels, Jason feels incredibly guilty, not about killing Andy but about leaving Tyler in a situation that is similar to the one he was left in when his own mother died. He still believes that Andy was not a good man and deserved to be dead, after all he was drugging his own son and was the reason Tyler’s mom overdosed and is now in the hospital. It just hits incredibly close to home for Jason and i understand completely. 

The other thing i want to point out is that Jason says “I know your rules. No killing in Gotham” so, this is (to me) confirmation that Jason hasn’t killed in a long time and that he has been sticking to the Bat's rules (at least in Gotham). Andy (a drug-dealer) is the only person that Jason has killed since the events of UtRH (that are apparently canon in this story because it was mentioned in the first issue). 

Following this conversation the Bat says that he will take care of Tyler’s mother (yikes, i really thought in my last post that Jason was the one who would have tried to get her the help she needed, to me it seems more appropriate if Jason does it given that this is his story but what do I know) 

This is where this Red Hood story transforms into the Batman show.

Not only will Bruce take care of Tyler's mom but he will clean up the mess and shut down the making of the drug all by himself. Jason tells him that he will do it but the Bat tells Jason that if he wants to do it they will have to do it together because there is no way he is letting Jason out of his sight, he made a mess!

Yes, nothing like making the lead character look incompetent at his job. Love that for Jason.

Before the team up starts Batman and Red Hood go to Leslie's place to leave Tyler with her. This is a good moment only because there is a dog involved, well…Tyler, Jason and a dog are involved, best panel in the whole issue? I think yes.

Maybe I have a couple more panels that are my favs in this issue, here they are, a lil bit of positivity in this extra bitter post.

Now I will be honest, I hate Batman (Bruce’s Batman, love Dick Bats he was the MVP) so him saying that he is helping a Robin makes me want to shoot him. You are not helping; you are overtaking, as you do. Never a team player, the Batgod must always be the center of the show.

Back in the new cave Bruce talks to Jason about the drug and who he thinks might be behind it's production. He also makes sure to let Jason know that he is very smart and might be the only person outside of Crane's circle that knows how analyze a very unstable compound…weird flex but okay. He also teases Jason about his detective skills. Yay.

Flashback time! Get ready!

Robin Jason and Batman are at a crime scene and Jason doesn’t seem to be in the mood to play CSI: Gotham with Bruce.

At one moment Jason says “and then we will stomp the guy who did this” (“this” being murder), which makes Jim Gordon (who came to see if batman was done playing Sherlock Holmes) uncomfortable, so Batman tells Jason to wait for him. As Jason is going he sees someone acting suspicious.

Back to present day Batman and Red Hood are visiting the woman that created the compound that makes Fear Gas, the interrogation starts well but because this is the Batman show and Jason is bad at reading people and asking questions we have a scene that shows Jason being a bit too much.

I honestly thought that the first question was fair, but then after they leave the office they were in Batman basically goes on a rant about the things that Jason missed.

Ok, I get it Batman = good vigilante. Red Hood = Incompetent.

Zdarsky is honestly trying to make us believe that Jason hasn’t picked up any of those things, in his years as Robin with Batman AND Nightwing? They both taught him, there is no way Jason doesn’t know the basics of how to read people. Also do you guys remember Jason in UtRH and Lost Days? That guy read people perfectly, how is UtRH canon in this story, did Jason lose his skills in the explosion when he blew up the Joker?

As if that wasn’t enough Batman calls Red Hood reckless after they don’t agree on what to do next.

To this I say the following: Never again make me believe that Jason will willingly work with Batman. They don’t work together and neither are willing to meet each other halfway, even less let the other lead. This makes the idea of Jason following the Bat’s rules and him being part of the “Batfamily” the joke that it actually is.

They don’t work well together anymore; bring duality back to Gotham 2021.

Back in the past where the previous flashback is resumed we have Jim telling Batman that the new Robin seems a bit too rough around the edges. Did Jim ever meet Dick as Robin? I mean, don’t get me wrong, Dick was a sweetheart but he also beat criminals alongside batman every night. It just doesn’t feel like what Jason said was that much of a violent statement or anything, maybe I just don’t get it.

But don’t worry if you don’t get it, because we are shown Robin Jason going after that suspicious man, he is beating him asking if he knows anything about the murder or what exactly he was doing so close to the crime scene when Batman arrives. Through Batman we are told that that man was no longer a criminal, to which Jason says this, “…The guy is a jewel thief! He will always be a thief” and Batman responds “I refuse to believe that. Didn’t I meet you in the middle of stealing the Batmobile’s tires?”

I can’t believe Bruce went full “It’s over Jason. I have the moral high ground” on Robin Jason.

I mean Jason is OOC, we know this, but he has to be that way in order to make Batman look better when compared to a child. DC hates Jason Todd #Confirmed.

It kinda reminds me of that thing DC does with Dick and Barbara, Dick is skilled and smart as long as Barbara isn’t in the room, if she is then Dick will forget to check if there is someone inside his apartment and then be thrown across the room by her and then be told that he sucks at putting security in his living space.

Moving on...back to the present one last time Jason is interrogating a man while he dangles him from the edge of a building (did Dick teach him that? I bet he did.) After getting some information he calls Oracle so he can make sure that the place he is going to is safe. Oracle tells him the she will help him but she did not like the fact that the last time she helped him someone ended up dead.

Now, fair warning, Barbara and Jason big NO for me and after Geoff Johns and his antics in Three Jokers I have zero love for their “team-ups”.

Jason says this, 

Believing in him? Excuse me? Chonky, baby, she only helped you find a building.

All I can do at this point is pray to whichever god or whoever hears that this does not lead to Jason pinning for Barbara. We don’t need it (Barbara doesnt need it), I might be overreacting, I hope I am, but nobody wants that kind of drama right now, thanks.

When he arrives to the place he was looking for I think everyone can tell that it’s a trap, everyone but Jason apparently. 

How on earth does Jason not realize it’s a trap up until it’s too late? Are you joking? Is this a Red Hood story? Are we really doing this? Just how incompetent is Jason in Zdarsky’s eyes?

Freeze…is it Freeze? I don’t care but he is there, he freezes Jason and that’s the end of the issue.

Listen, I wish I could say that this is the worst Jason has been treated and that this book is horrible, I wish but I can’t. I can’t do it because this isn’t the worst characterization or book of Jason, this is still a pretty good story, could it be better? Yes.

I mean this story is written by someone who obviously doesn’t know Jason and that sucks but it still isnt the worst characterization and it messes me up. Three Jokers was worse than this, certain plot decisions in Future State: Red Hood were worse than this (in my opinion) and Lobdell’s New52 RHatO was pure trash (that is the worst book, just horrible please dont read it). 

I am saying this only to make it clear that even tho this issue was painful (mostly if you don’t like Batman) I still have hope that it can turn out to be good. I cant help it, i want and need this story to be good and there is still time for it to get better. 

Alright thats all i have to say, let me know what you thought about this issue and my review, bye!

#jason todd #red hood #batman urban legends #urban legends red hood #dc comics #red hood outlaw #robin jason todd

[monsoonblooms12]

In Sunshine & In Shadow: Chapter 1-Love & Laughs

Summary of the Series: Let's set out on the walk of life. Pack up for embarking on an adventure of a lifetime with our favourite residents. A series of love, friendship and travel. It is all about fuelling your wanderlust❤️

In this chapter: Pooja and Ethan spend some cute moments and the talk of the trip begins.

A/N: This has been sitting in my drafts for a long time as I figured out the storylines I wanted to do for the various pairings. Now that I have planned everything, I can finally start posting. This chapter is Poo & E. We meet the others in the next chapter💛

If you enjoyed the story, please like it, leave a comment or reblog. Your feedback keeps me going💕

Thank you so much @jamespotterthefirst for prereading. Love you💛💛

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey X f!MC (Dr. Pooja Sharma)

Word Count: around 2.2K

Rating: General

Prompt :- @choicesaprilchallenge2021 Day 6: Sonder

Derry Roasters was abuzz with enthusiasm, but it didn't seem to act on her. To her, it felt like someone had turned the hourglass of her life, let the sand flow and forgot to turn it back. Her time had stopped there on its tracks.

Around her, people rushed through their day, not waiting for anyone. She felt like the still picture amidst a fast-motion video. Sonder was the word Pooja would use to describe the way she felt. Sonder, for her, is Surprise and Wonder intertwined in a single word. Wonder, at how life changes every minute of every moment. And Surprise at how, even after so many afflictions, tribulations, one will find the happiness that destiny had in store for them.

The thoughts in her mind swirled and asked for all her cognizance. Transfixing her mind in them, she let her emotions engulf her with leaden steps.

Ting Ding Ding

Pooja's eyes tardily broke contact with the empty bone china coffee mug as she picked up her phone.

Brookline Rejuvenate sent you an email.

But for her, it manifested being a testament that all of it was happening.

That she was not tumbling around in an atrocious daydream, which would vanish the instant, she fluttered her orbs agape.

Yes.

Edenbrook, the nonpareil hospital in the entire States, was closing down.

Every day of operating there, felt like she was relishing in the will-o'-the-wisp of her aspirations.

The thoughts of Edenbrook made her mind travel to the day when it all began. The elegant calligraphy on the envelope with the Cerulean and Lime Green Logo that bore her name. The message that turned her life upside down forever.

Then the Diagnostics Team. The extreme cases they had solved. They saw its end too. They were working their free hours at the free clinic or in the ER. Everything, every day, seemed to rush around her.

The days seemed to fly past, and so did the time remaining for Edenbrook.

Everyone had started looking up places to carry on with their medical careers & residencies. But no one wanted to leave Edenbrook before it closed down. They wanted to cherish every day before the ticking clock struck midnight and supply the last of their best healthcare to as many people as possible.

The thought of leaving everything behind was painful for Pooja. You are taking away the most valuable of things, she convinced herself. You are taking away memories. Beautiful memories. Painful memories.

But there was another nagging thought that piqued her time and again.

The Gala was everything she ever imagined. But the most memorable of the moments was The Kiss. He had kissed her.

In front of everyone.

Her mind went to the embedding touches Ethan left on her that night.

Now, as Edenbrook's time came to an end, and she planned about the rest of her residency, she thought of her and Ethan's relationship.

Were they meant to be? Were all those feather-light touches, the kisses in the rain, the tears they shed together, going to end in vain? Were their lives only connected till here?

Was it the beginning of the end?

"You're here."

You will live a hundred years, Ethan Ramsey.

Tearing away from the colossal reticulation of her thoughts, she turned towards him. His summery blues, meeting her ambers.

"Hey You"

Ethan came over and sat in front of her.

"You didn't tell me you were coming here. I had to ask Alex and Sienna to know about your whereabouts."

Pooja let out a tiny laugh. "Whereabouts? You are making me feel like a criminal."

Ethan chuckled. "If so, then you would be the most beautiful criminal I have ever seen."

This made Pooja giggle harder. "You are talking as if you have met hundreds of criminals."

"I will never win any debate with you. So let's just...let it be?"

"Accepting Defeat, Dr. Ramsey?"

"If it makes you smile that, then I will always accept defeat for you."

A blush crept up her neck as she said, "Okay, too much. Now stop"

Ethan let out a last chuckle as his order arrived. A Vienna, a coffee and black forest cake for him and a butterscotch one for her.

Taking her piece in hand, Pooja said, "All I need is you."

"Hey, what about me?"

"Ah, you know you can never win the battle against this" She held up the cake.

"You're ridiculous."

A subtle tee-hee, and they were surrounded with a perfect silence as they got lost in each other's world.

A world where all the hustle-bustle inundating them evaporated. There were no questions asked, no side looks given, and no stops in the world of their love. In this world, their coffee, cake and their memories were their sole companions.

There were no catechisms, no side looks given, and no obstructions in the world of their love.

"So…umm..." Ethan began.

"Yeah?"

Oh, C'mon Ramsey, it is obvious that you have fallen real deep for her! Alex's usual tease came ringing in his ears.

Oh Lexandra, why don't you leave me alone?

But she is right.

Ugh! Since when did The Ethan Ramsey, the man who could make an intern tremble with fear, start to fumble?

He took a deep breath, centred himself and began again.

"Can we go on a tour? With all of your friends or the Invincibles as you all ridiculously like to call yourselves.

"Wait. You Remember That?"

"How can I forget when you are singing the name in front of me every 10 minutes or so?"

"Or maybe you need a membership to the Invincibles? Which, I should make clear, you are not getting."

"You are ridiculous-"

"-ly smart. Ya, I know, Thank you very much. And speaking of the trip, I would go on a trip at any time, anywhere, you don't need to ask. Just tell. I will be ready in 10 minutes."

"You know I am not talking about a trip from here to Brookline. We could go on, you know, an international tour. To a place of your choices."

Pooja's face became Stoic, expressionless. A sudden flurry of anxiousness spread through Ethan's Heart.

Then he remembered. A tip Alex had given him "free of cost" as she would like to say, a few days back.

"Anytime you are asking Poo to go on a trip to one of her favourite places, just count till five after placing your point."

"Five? Why?"

"Just do as I say, and you will see for yourself" Alex winked and left.

So he did.

One, He saw Pooja's eyes widen a bit.

Two, Her Amber eyes were full of joy and excitement.

Three, A light blush and the faint dimple on her left cheek appeared, adding a shimmer to her beauty.

Four, Her lips crept up in a faint smile.

Five, Her face and expression fully express-

"YAY! YAY! YAY!" Her cheer came along which earned her side-glances from the other customers. But who cares when it's an international trip you are talking about?

Of course, Ethan thought, Lexandra was right.

"That is a Thantastic idea!!!"

"I am sorry, but Thantastic?" Ethan couldn't help but chuckle. She was a source of his never-ending amusement.

"Gawd Thanie! Thantastic is just an Ethan version of Fantastic. Duh!"

She bent over the table.

Deceiving him to think that she was going to kiss him. In front of the entire coffee shop.

Only for her to smack his forehead lightly and comedically.

Since when did you become a sappy idiot like that? Ethan mentally ridiculed himself.

"Stop making a comedy show out of me in front of the entire coffee shop."

"Stop acting comedically, and I will stop too" Pooja shrugged and flashed that one dimpled smile that he had come to be a fan of

The things the girl does to me! And I thought love didn't exist. Even Ethan's mind was satirizing him.

The snap of two fingers brought him back from Ethan-land to the Derry Roasters, Boston, Massachusetts.

"I thought Ethan-land doesn't exist. Glad to be proven wrong." Pooja's mocking giggle was a melody he wanted to record on a vinyl and play on a record player time and again.

He thought of presenting a counter-argument.

You still won't win.

So instead of wasting his energy in vain, he decided to save it for later.

"Hmm. Coffee done. Now let's head home. We will ask them to pack the cakes."

"Buy a few more."

"Hmm?"

"You know trip planning? And I am pretty sure I said that you can bring along your fri-"

"I think you mean The Invincibles?" Pooja cut him off, cocking her right eyebrow.

"Whatever." Rolling his eyes, Ethan didn't let his amusement seep through his features.

They both got up. Ethan bought a bunch of cakes while Pooja giggled, nearly tripped and sprained her left ankle lightly, and finally succeeded in texting her mates to join them for trip-ing plan.

When Ethan came out of the coffee shop, hands full, he saw her slight limping as she walked towards their car.

Shaking his head, and having a mental peal of laughter because of her clumsiness, he went to the car. Opening the rear door, he kept all the goodies on the back seat.

Then he turned towards Pooja. She still had all of her attention transfixed in reading something fascinating on her phone. She didn't even notice him.

In a quick motion, he went up to her, and before she could process the whole thing, picked her up bridal style and seated her in the front passenger seat.

The next minute, he was behind the wheel and was driving them home. More specifically, The condo of the Invincibles.

Mental eye-roll.

"Ahem, Ahem"

Of Course. She was yet to speak something.

"So what are you now, Super Ramsey? Picking me up in the middle of the pathway?"

"You were limping, Poo."

"You know I can manage myself just fine."

He stopped the car. The condo was still a block away.

"Why did you stop? This is not where we live. You know that."

Ethan turned towards her and caressed her cheek softly.

She melted into his touch. Her eyes closed momentarily, her beautiful eyes and alluring shadowy eyelashes reflecting the serenity her heartfelt.

"Poo. I know you are a strong, independent woman. You like to be self-dependent."

He paused a short breath. Taking her hand in his and kissing the top of it, he continued,

"But I cannot see you hurt, be it a slight limp or a broken arm. I will always take care of you."

"I know you will. You always do. But a limp, a broken arm is faint compared to what I have been through. You don't need to worry about me all the time."

"I will always worry about you."

"Eth-"

He placed a finger on her lips. "No more ifs, or buts. It is something I wanna do. Not something I have to do."

And with a look of assurance and care, Ethan started to drive again. His features were calm, his blue eyes had hues of red and golden of the traffic in front of them.

The unsaid string of words that dangled between the two of them was what had tied them together so strongly. Which made him believe she was meant to be his and her to believe that he was meant to be hers.

Pooja waited for that day, impatiently, when he would be hers and she, his. Angst in fiction was her love, but angst in her real life? Not really. At least, not with Ethan Ramsey.

Stop being melodramatic.

She snapped at herself.

It took them an additional five minutes to reach the condo. Once there, Ethan was the first one to get out of the car. Pooja followed. She stood next to Ethan, who was now taking out the pastry boxes.

His senses called out to him, informed him of her presence. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the exact spot where she stood.

Then, as if it was a second nature to him, he swept her towards him by the waist and kissed her in four steps.

First, He kissed her dimpled cheek, earning a gasp from her.

Then, he kissed her forehead and left silent praises for her heart to hear.

Third, His suck on her neck felt like the touch of a feather to her.

And Lastly, His soft pink lips meet her rosy moist ones, full of passion and a love so pure that threatened to overpower their senses.

Slowly, he turned her around in the rhythm of a dance, and hugging her from the back, he sensually pulled at the tip of her ear as his soft words warmed her heart.

"Shall we?"

Not what she wanted to hear, but the feels in her heart didn't let her feel disappointed.

"Of Course." A reply she made with an unvoiced wish that the next time he kisses her like he did today, he says those words which will make her, his forever.

PS: Here's to hoping that this was not an utter mess and you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading and have a good day ahead🧡

Tags (Please let me know if you would like to be added or removed!) :@bbrandy2002 @whimsicallywayward15 @ohramsey  @nervoussaladsludgeopera @trrfanaddict @hopelessromanticmonie @ilikemenbutonlyethanramsey @lovablegranny @bellcat2010 @gkittylove99 @kingliam2019 @starrystarrytrouble @3riche @chetachisblog @zoehanji @withbeautyandrage  @drariellevalentine @mvalentine ​ @aestheticartsx ​@angela8754​ @schnitzelbutterfingers ​ @ao719 ​ @choicesstan1 @neotericthemis ​ @arnikki-2406 ​ @anotherbeingsworld @maurine07 @sophxwithers @twinkleallnight

#pixelberry choices #choices stories you play #choices oh #open heart #choices open heart #choices stories we play #playchoices #pixelberry studios #pixelberry #ethan x pooja #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey #open heart ethan #mc: pooja sharma (oph ethan romancer) #pooja sharma #open heart mc #oh mc #oh ethan #ethan jonah ramsey #open heart second year #open heart third year #ohty #ohsy #choices oh2 #oh2 #choices oh3 #oh3 #my fanfics✒ #In Sunshine & In Shadow🌗 #choicesaprilchallenge2021

[smol-nevi]

I don't generally make this kind of thing a habit, but I think if you happen to be on the Crystal RP Discord, aka @crystal-rp-ffxiv, you should probably be aware of this kind of behavior, so here goes.

If you're on Crystal RP and the admin team decides they don't like you, you're going to be living under a microscope while they wait for you to mess up, if not bait you, probably while making up conspiracies about you as well. As for how I know this, I was a moderator for about a week's duration and saw it first-hand.

Unapologetically lengthy post. Receipts in the link above, long version below the cut.

From the first time I looked in the mod chat I knew something was wrong. I read backwards in the channel, thinking I'd acclimate myself and see what kind of rules precedents had been set and that sort of thing. I mostly just found out that they had it out for a particular member (at the time using the name Jericho) for not much reason. They'd spent a troubling amount of time over the past few months watching him and another member like vultures, believing them to be the same person and waiting for them to make some kind of mistake that would justify banning both of them...despite keeping different schedules, having different personalities and typing habits, and visibly being two different people. The admin team had come to the conclusion that Jericho was a troll who wanted to make them look bad, and anything he said or did was scrutinized to a ridiculous degree for evidence that would corroborate their belief.

Except none of the things they believed at all were true: he'd had a minor argument via DM with the head admin Benjimir Thursby's wife, Tessariel Aerlinn, who had made an overly broad statement about anime and Asian culture. Jericho had told her that overgeneralization about 'Asian culture' is potentially racist, and she became extremely angry, saying that because she's Asian, she can't be racist against Asians. After that, it seemed that Jericho was considered fair game for whatever retaliatory actions the two of them could justify.

Even a cursory glance at actual racism in Asia pokes Tessariel's statement entirely full of holes, and having personally read the conversation I didn't see anything actually inaccurate in his statement even if she believed it didn't apply to her. I asked what he had done that would merit such a response, because it felt very disproportionate to anything I'd ever seen him do publicly, and that was what I was told. The exchange via DMs had been screencapped and kept in a channel for evidence, and while I didn't get a copy of it, I did read it, and I said that I thought it sounded awfully one-sided and punitive and would have been much better as an actual conversation. I also expressed that I was concerned how much of the channel had been solely devoted to what was basically a witch hunt, considering that some of the server members had over the course of the past couple of months commented that the admins' behavior towards Jericho seemed biased.

I basically got a pat on the head and told that my opinion was "valued" but wrong. This would happen a lot over the course of the week.

Shit continued to escalate. Their favorite punching bag, who was acutely aware of the grudge by now and probably trying to be nice and discuss something that he thought they could all talk about, brought up some articles that stated that LOTRO might be having a graphical overhaul. This actually ended in him being put into some kind of time-out mute, because "everyone knows those articles are debunked already" despite them still being hosted on reputable games news sites. Back-channel, the admin consensus was that he was in fact trying to bait Benjimir and Tessariel into somehow looking stupid in public, because [paraphrasing] 'he knows how important LOTRO is to them.'

Benjimir in fact went off publicly about how he knows the dev team and they sent him 'personalized swag' for 'being himself' and that everyone should just listen to him because he's right. Someone else made a reasonable request for sources on statements that Benjimir made about the LOTRO improvements not happening, and they immediately became the team's private #2 punching bag.

The whole time I reiterated that this was really uncomfortable and I had serious concerns about the way they were handling Jericho. And as always I received a pat on the head and was told to not worry about it, there were really good reasons for it, really. He was 'bringing down the quality of discourse' on the server somehow. Benjimir decided that the only way he would unmute Jericho is if Jericho talked directly to him, and that Jericho tried to talk to any of the more level-headed members of the team first was taken as obvious evidence that he wanted to evade rules and create problems. I asked when we planned to unmute him, and Tessariel immediately jumped to the conclusion that he had messaged me, which wasn't incorrect but the way she worded it felt highly accusatory and I was beginning to feel that I was also in trouble somehow for not agreeing with the rest of the team.

Things came to a head quickly when I woke up and looked at the mod chat and they were having an animated conversation that started with Benjimir asking if it was 'bad that he was laughing at Jericho' and most of the rest of the team talking about how he was stupid, uninformed, a troll, etc. for the sin of having some misgivings about cryptocurrency, of all the things. One of the mods self-described their behavior as bullying. I said that this was extremely unprofessional and that I thought they should keep conversation to actual moderation matters, and if they had a personal disagreement with a server member they should handle it in a personal venue, not via official server moderation channels.

I was, for the final time, patted on the head, and told that this was not something they would consider, because the moderation team 'needs to be able to vent for their mental health' (never mind that the job was not stressful except for the rest of the team committing worse behavior than the server members) and that maybe I was in fact too sensitive for the job. Benjimir heavily implied that I had become too close to Jericho and was being manipulated, managed to misgender me somehow despite my having used solely male or neutral pronouns the entire time I'd been on the server, and after relating a story in which a couple of years ago a well-liked moderator left after having the same complaints as I did (which he saw nothing at all troubling about), suggested that I should be demoted to babysitting the lore channel.

So I took some time to collect receipts, which are linked at the top of the post, and told him where to shove it.

Since that time, things have actually somehow gotten worse on Crystal RP. Benjimir posted an entire page screed vaguely talking about "rampant negativity" that stated anyone with questions should DM him.

Upon DMing him with questions, Jericho was banned, the only reason given being that he was a 'poor fit' for the server in some vague way. I was immediately banned afterwards for calling out this decision as being driven by a personal vendetta in the feedback channel and let him know afterwards via DMs in no uncertain terms that I had logged everything I needed and would be building my case (and that he is an asshole). Jericho was reinstated, though I'm not sure what the conditions of his return were as that was after my ban and I didn't ask since I didn't want to stress him out further. Benjimir also reprimanded someone for discussing asexuality, stating in a DM to them that the conversation was somehow ERP related. I called him out on this via DM as well. Tessariel was not much later caught posting my last DMs to Benjimir in an entirely unrelated server, though she didn't include the part after that where I brought up his aphobia (during Pride Month, in a server with a rainbow icon no less). Benjimir for some reason decided to suddenly start following my FC's Tumblr well after our falling-out.

And as of today (6/24), Crystal RP now has seven pages of draconian rules, because it wasn't micromanaged hard enough before or something. Notably, a lot of these rules describe behaviors that they wanted to punish Jericho for but couldn't at the time justify, or that they'd like to punish me for but have nothing they can do to me. Or they exist to justify their own behavior, as now seen in the very beginning of the channel:

"This approach also provides our volunteers with leeway to act in good faith without the burden befitting a professional occupation."

"So we afford them the means to speak openly, vent, lament, candidly and yes, sometimes crassly and raw about everything and one."

Not only did they behave unprofessionally and shit-talk before, they have now encoded in the rules that this is acceptable and even good moderator behavior, because they saw someone else do it so it's fine (a lot of this wording is very similar to what I was told when I protested it). So rather than address anything I ever said past or present, Benjimir is choosing to double down and giving himself and his team explicit permission to be shitty, right in the opening paragraphs where you'd have expected a mission statement or at least some sort of welcome.

Which is about all you need to know about that server and its owners, in my estimation. I'd considered not even posting to Tumblr about it, but given that it's only getting worse, I think it should be generally known that this is how you can expect to potentially be treated.

#FFXIV #FFXIV RP #Crystal Data Center #Crystal RP #Balmung RP #Mateus RP #on one hand it's drama on the other I can and will call a spade a spade or in this case a douchebag a douchebag #this shouldn't be surprising to anyone who knows me even a little

[rhaenyra-first-of-her-name]

10, 12, 17 and 23 for the salty ask game Ish

Jan, my beloved❤ (platonic)

I see you have questions. Ask and you shall receive.

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

Answered here

12. Is there any unpopular are that you like but the fandom doesn't? Why?

Firstly, Dany 's Qarth arc, in ACOK. Unexpectedly, it was quite enjoyable. The worldbuilding was nice. I loved the versions in the undying and the prophecies from Quaithe. It's mainly part of the magical arc in the books which I am as fond of. Also baby dragons.

There were other arcs in the book that bored me (like Jon's) so I loved the nice change of pace and setting.

Secondly, not sure if it counts as unpopular but I rarely see the fandom talk about it so I am just gonna include it: the Queenmaker plot.

Oh dear, how much I love this one. It got little to do with the name and everything to do with Arianne & Doran 's relationship and how much I love it. They're both people who deeply love each other but their relationship is marred by misunderstandings and secrets (it's more of Doran 's fault although it was unintentional). It's so beautifully tragic. I couldn't possibly love it more.

The conversation they had in the tower is one of my favorite scenes in the books. I go and read it from time to time.

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen...

All my AUs ideas you mean, lol.

A lot of stuff. Like Rhaella living (too many dead mothers in these books) and raising Dany instead; Elia, Rhaenys and Aegon surviving somehow (they deserved better); Rhaella marrying Doran instead (gotta foot in crack ship agenda lol), Robert dying on the Trident, Lyanna lives and raises Jon, Aerys dying earlier, probably a lot less rape and tragedy in the books in general (I knew what I was getting myself into, I am still a big softie), etc.

I can't list all of them, we would be here all day.

23. Unpopular character you love?

Quite a few, actually.

Edmure Tully, can I link your own post for the why, Jan? 😝😂

Mance Ryder. For pretty much the same reasons. He had been working a long time to unite the wildlings and save them from the Others so the man got my respect.

Margaery Tyrell. She's quite interesting. We don't have any Tyrell pov and she have limited agency in the books. She had been married to three kings now. I wanna know more about her.

Rhaella Targaryen. She only exists in the narrative to serve as a tragedy and another casualty to Aerys 's cruelty and madness. My heart goes out for her.

Shaera Targaryen. Shaera is pretty much a blank state that I love writing lol. But I like her more bcoz of who she's treated by the fandom. She's another Queen and mother we hardly we know anything about. But if you see her in the fics, she usually gets to share the blame for Rhaella 's marriage even though we have in the text that it was Jaehaerys. I am tired of this fandom blaming the woman for the man's fault. It fucking never happens the other way around for obvious reasons. So pissed off me decided to like her.

Daario Naaharis. More of the show version tbh. He makes Dany happy so he gets points for that.

Doran Martell. Dear God, I love him so much. Hands down, he's my most favorite character in asoiaf after Dany. He's such a tragic figure. His mother died before RR, Elia and her children were murdered and got no justice while their murderers got rewarded, his relationship with Mellario soured, even with Arianne it wasn't a smooth sailing, Quentyn had to be fostered with Yronwoods, Oberyn and Quentyn also died; the guy doesn't seem to catch a break. (George pls, give him a break)

Yet so dutiful. He's one of the few rulers in asoiaf who cares about the smallfolk and he does cares so deeply.

He's also one of the few good fathers (not without his mistakes tho) in asoiaf. Good fathers are rare in asoiaf.

What's there to not love about this guy?

Sorry this got long. But thanks for the opportunity to let me ramble😅

Answers for this post.

#asoiaf #asks #@nerajaana #Ash got mail #and Ash is late again #my apologies