#I didn’t see the episode but I got my sources

[revenantghost]

Tristamp Wolfwood is a bit different than his counterparts, yeah? And I don’t mean that in a bad way, Orange is going somewhere with it, but it’s very different from what they’ve done with Vash and Meryl imo. With them, I feel like we got a glimpse of pre-canon. With Wolfwood... Orange is up to something, and it goddamn terrifies me. I love him dearly, he has some many moments that make me smile and go, “Yeah, that’s Wolfwood, my beloved asshole.” But it’s different. Oh so very different.

I’m just gonna point out a few examples of things I think are different enough to note here (drawing comparisons from Trimax since that was the source for Tristamp, but I’ll try not to spoil much--just don’t Google names you don’t recognize), and then go a little off the rails with a couple theories (spoilers there, click the read more at your own peril). This is DEFINITELY not everything, and maybe my takes are a bit off, idk. If there’s something you’ve picked up on, definitely feel free to add it!

Well, here goes:

My dude is a mess. Wolfwood is typically put together and some would call him smooth (he’s a mess inside always, though) in his other incarnations. Orange pointed out at Sakuracon that the characters are supposed to look younger and more immature in Tristamp, and Wolfwood specifically is supposed to look like he can’t dress himself (lmao). They said they have their reasons but just didn’t have time to explore them in canon. So, I can make assumptions, but I’ll wait to see what comes in the future.

Another one that staff talked about in a recent interview is that Wolfwood is technically a priest according to his contract, but he calls himself an undertaker. Yeah, yeah, edgelord Tristamp Wolfwood and all that, but I’ve seen people call back to how, in the manga, it’s Vash that always takes the time to bury the dead. Wolfwood even chews him out a bit for this. But it’s literally in our introduction to him in this version. He carries the weight of the dead with him enough to make it part of his title, and that’s different for him.

I could be misremembering with this one. But I distinctly remember being surprised when I read Trimax because Wolfwood going into the Eye of Michael seemed more of his own choice than it is in Tristamp (not that a literal child could consent to, you know, torture and abuse)? But either way Wolfwood loathes the Eye of Michael from the get-go here, he doesn’t stay by choice and actively tries to escape. Just like all these choices he makes in Tristamp (which is MASSIVELY different in general), he does it for someone else. He can’t try to escape again, because they have Livio.

Speaking of! Livio!!! This was another thing that caught me by surprise going from Tristamp to Trimax, their relationship is so much different here, so much softer and it hurts in a beautiful way. I feel like less is more here to avoid spoilers, but this introduction pre-Trimax-canon and any future conflict with this backstory... is very different.

Holy hell, a moment like this happening so early?! Vash and Wolfwood having ideological differences and not understanding each other takes up so much time in Trimax. But over the course of three episodes, we go from Wolfwood killing someone that Vash wanted to save (props to Tristamp for making that gutpunch even more personal, ouch--though points deducted for not having the, “Shoot,” moment there), to Vash seeing how very similar they are and getting a grasp of why Wolfwood is the way he is. Wolfwood is so much softer in Tristamp. He’s way more emotional, he cares so deeply for things outside of himself, and he doesn’t have that apathetic bitterness. Staff have said that our main characters will be a lot more recognizable post-timeskip, so some shit is gonna happen to this man, but this is a fundamental shift in the early days of their relationship.

AGAIN!!! Wolfwood is doing this whole mission, betraying Vash, to save the orphanage. He didn’t have to listen to Vash trying to save the sandsteamer. It doesn’t matter if Vash is pissy if Wolfwood blew up the ship to save the orphanage, because that’s his end goal. He has a giant laser that just blew through an entire giant worm, this ship is nothing. Wolfwood’s trying to cling to the monster that he sees himself as, trying to stay the Punisher, but he’s not. He already has enough faith in Vash to trust him with everything he cares about. This takes a lot of development time for Wolfwood to trust Vash like this in Trimax--and even in the very end, he still doesn’t trust Vash with this. (If you know, you know.)

AGAIN!!!!! Wolfwood cares!!! He does not need to question if Vash is sure, if he thinks he can make up with or convince Knives or whatever, in fact he shouldn’t. He should give Vash no reason to question getting to July. But Wolfwood, be careful, your feelings are showing. Wolfwood’s getting worried about Vash. Even though all he needs to do is keep his head down and get this dork to July.

This was never Trimax Wolfwood’s motivation. Whatever drove him left him hollow and empty, he did not care. Even when he saw things starting to go south and he wanted out, Vash ended up being right: he was too much of a coward to do anything about it. (If you know, you know.) I had wondered, after Legato tried to bulldoze everything he loved, why the hell didn’t Wolfwood just desert the mission and team up with the gang. He already has such a deep connection with them. But this would be why.

WOLFWOOD IS NO LONGER CONTRACTED BY THE EYE OF MICHAEL AT THE END OF THE SEASON??? Some people say that Wolfwood still works for them, but tbh for what reason? They’re about to end the world. And then what about this line? He wouldn’t exactly have a choice, would he? I do think we’re gonna meet Chapel (right before Livio shoots himself, you’ll hear a voice and see a silhouette (not Razlo, though he’s there too) that seems to be a “new” character), and Wolfwood might end up working under him for some fucked up reason... But if not, this changes everything. It already changes everything considering how big Wolfwood escorting Vash to Knives is. But that’s done now. And because Vash saw right through him the first time, if Wolfwood comes back to do the same thing again, it might feel cheap and a little silly.

MERYL!!! Trimax is basically the Vash and Wolfwood show, right? The girls are around, but mainly their interactions are with Vash. But he and Meryl interact so much just over the course of twelve episodes. They even have that adorable group shot. She matters enough that he came back to rescue her, and the two of them worry about Vash together in the finale. Who knows what happened post-finale, but Wolfwood’s self isolation is already shot to hell. He’s more big brother Nico than he’d had the chance to be in awhile, he has so many people to care for.

So the danger has passed, Vash’s roots are back inside of him, the orphanage should be fine. But Wolfwood comes back for them. Yeah, yeah, the stupid cigarette excuse, but this is Wolfwood, not Vash. He didn’t come back because of the cigarette debt and we all know it. (Also kinda hoping that him saying what he does about fighting Knives being crazy is foreshadowing for some ridiculous 1v1 fight between them, had to throw that in there)

Now, theories Trimax spoiler time bby (I’ll also post any corrections under the cut):

EDIT 1: I was bonkers wrong on the Tristamp timeline (it takes place from May 25th to July 21st, not including the epilogue), so I just deleted that bit from the og post. I cannot remember where I got that number in my brain.

They are doing something with this man and I hate it as much as I love it. Every other character can go off and follow similar paths but they just nuked the entirety of Wolfwood’s storyline by having him be finished getting Vash to Knives and him choosing to trust Vash so goddamn early. And in less than a week of canon time!!! ORANGE WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!

They’ve knocked everything out of the park so far, I had so many concerns about what they were doing while watching, and they squashed most of them. So I choose to have faith that Orange has a brilliant plan that will crush my emotions in mind. It will probably eviscerate us just like Trimax did. But I have two theories as to how this could go:

First: And by far the most likely: all roads lead to that goddamned couch. They changed a ton of things, but just to make it all hurt in a new and exciting way. Don’t get me wrong, this was the final straw in making Trimax one of my favorite manga ever--Wolfwood’s character arc is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever read. I’m a bit nervous because we’ve already shifted that arc so much, but there’s a lot of room to fuck us all up in this one. I imagine the final confrontation will still be between the two brothers, but I imagine the context will be different.

Wolfwood’s already chosen to spare Livio, so that won’t be the clincher, but there are so many things that Wolfwood wants to fight for now to use against him. Something in the timeskip will probably firm up his ideals to be the opposite of Vash’s in a different way than before, but I imagine we’ll get at least a season of them being goofy and learning how to live and regain their humanity together before they’re couched. :’) And now the girls are going to be a bigger part of it to make the grief all that greater :’))) Thanks in advance, Orange :’))))))

Second: No couch??? I know, then what would be the point? He’s doomed in every universe, how will it be as powerful if they don’t do that here??? And I agree, I think this is way less likely. But Wolfwood has already accepted the power of anime Jesus friendship into his life, and that’s a huge part of what lead to his death. Not that I don’t think it’s still likely for Tristamp Wolfwood to think it’s too much to ask Vash to step away from the conflict with Knives for whatever his personal struggles are, but... man that sandsteamer incident is foreshadowing something and I’m afraid. It shifted so much in a way that is so significant, I feel like I’m not doing it justice with my words.

Speaking of possible foreshadowing: Wolfwood isn’t the product of random experimenting like he was in Trimax, he’s the product of plant experimentation. And Vash can heal plants. Again, that’s a big ol’ stretch, as I think that they made the Gung Ho Guns a product of plant experimentation to try and explain the magic powers they all have, and it’s a very smooth idea imo. But it haunts me. Also, given that Conrad has probably been kept alive through fucked up plant methods and how long Rollo remained the same, and Conrad said the only flaw in his experiments were that they had to eat and drink... does Wolfwood and Gung Ho Gun friends have an extended lifespan??? Okay, getting off topic, sorry :’D

Basically, Wolfwood has already made huge leaps and bounds in trusting Vash, even listening to Meryl, and growing a heart for humanity. To the point I was half-afraid this guy was going to die in the finale, because we’ve already seen so much of his character arc. (It would have been a poor choice and I’m happy it didn’t happen EVEN IF I’M STILL AFRAID). And he’s based off of Trimax Wolfwood quite heavily! You can see it in the core of his personality still!!! WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO WITH HIM???

I doubt either of these ideas are going to be quite right, watch as Orange works in a secret, third thing that I can’t even imagine lmao. But this has been driving me absolutely bonkers and I had to share. This is still Wolfwood, and I have a feeling he’s only going to be more and more of the lovable asshole from here on out. But I have no idea where we’re going with it.

Holy hell, this was a long post. If you made it to the end of my insane ramblings well, uh... congrats??? I hope it was somewhat worth the read???? I’m so sorry?????? Thank you??????????

#Trigun #Trigun Stampede #Tristamp #Trimax #Trigun Maximum #Trigun Meta #I'm so tired I'm sorry about any and all typos #And also if this is stupid #It's just been GNAWING AT ME #WOLFWOOD I LOVE YOU BUT YOU SCARE ME #Long Post #My Trigun Meta

[writerquil]

Spoilers!

TW! A rant. Mentions of S@ and Abuse

AHEM! Alastor apologist (and apparently now partial defender) to the rescue!

This post is for anyone switching up on my guy after the newest episode. And the switch up originates from that one scene, you know, the scene below.

(EDIT: Sorry for the random censoring lol, I don't feel like going back to edit it and its an old habit of mine).

Yeah, we all know this scene. Basically the one where Alastor lashes out at Husk.

Immediately after seeing this scene I had TWO different reactions, in which consisted of “wow that was cool” and “people are going to twist this, aren’t they?”

And people did! So here I am!

I’m basically going to show a bunch of reactions and concerns to said scene that I disagree with and then I’ll say why!

1. “Alastor is like Valentino!”

Don’t even say that. PLEASE NO.

I like to think that I’m pretty good at letting my liking for characters go the moment that I realize they’re wretched in specific ways, but this never occurred for Alastor.

You wanna know why? Because he is NOTHING like Valentino apart from the fact that they’re both overlords who carry soul contracts. I don’t think I really need to pick apart their personalities because we can already tell how different they are.

The only reason why the two were “grouped” together was because Husk and Angel were stuck in situations both caused by soul contracts and an overlord which caused the two to be mentioned alongside each other.

2. “Husk’s relationship to Alastor is EXACTLY the same as Angel and Valentino’s!”

Nope. Both relationships, admittedly suck, trust me, I’m not discounting either relationship or saying “ok well one has it worse than the other”.

But come on guys, the relationships are not the same. Alastor sucks to Husk, obviously, considering he is forced to do his bidding for who knows how long? But there’s obviously a fine line between the two relationships.

There’s parallels of course, with the chains and the soul dealing. The situations aren’t completely the same but they have similar sources so parallels are bound to occur.

Valentino is an abusive ass whom frequently physically and emotionally abused Angel and Alastor (from what we’ve all seen) can be a jerk who drags Husk into clearly many “favours” such as working at the hotel and possibly many more considering he’s clearly met more of Alastor’s colleagues and friends before.

They’re both forced into things and with their souls under contract, they can’t do much about it. But the things they’re forced to do are significantly different. Once again, this isn’t me saying anyone has it better, because it’s not a competition.

But the relationships are not the same. The two are brought in for significantly different things. Do you really think Alastor is s3Xua!!y abusing Husk whenever he’s brought in? Yeah, no, me neither.

Do you think he’s mentally abusing him too, or that a situation like what was displayed occurs often whenever Husk does come in? Because no. Didn’t you see how startled Husk was? This clearly wasn’t just an average event that happened between the two frequently and the fact that Husk was willing to push Alastor’s buttons a bunch in the first place just shows that he wasn’t expecting it to happen either.

And for the people so insistent on Alastor abusing him like that. I suggest you hide your weird k!nks better.

3. “Alastor tortures Husk frequently!”

Okay and what gave you that idea? Was it the way that Alastor lashed out? Because he didn’t lash out of the blue as you may think.

Husk pushed his buttons and Alastor got angry. Trust me, I love Husk but he played a stupid game and got surprised when he won a stupid prize.

Considering Alastor abusive after pulling Husk to the floor is strange. Trust me, if he was supposed to be abusive, it would be explicitly showed throughout the episodes. And before you say “well it was implied”, I really don’t think so.

And once again, Husk was clearly extremely startled, which means this probably doesn’t happen very often. Which also discounts you all considering him to be similar to Valentino, who displayed hurting behaviour frequently.

Like the most we’d even seen interaction between the two was in the pilot and the recent episode. I think we’d get more display if there was more violence occurring in the relationship.

4. “I used to like Alastor before…”

Then what? You realized he was evil and did evil things? YEAH, he’s bound to threaten someone here and there.

Like if you don’t like him after witnessing his literal evilness then sorry to say, you never liked him in the first place.

I’m sorry for this guys but seriously. You can’t switch up on an evil character for doing evil things. He’s going to threaten people. Just know that when he does, it doesn’t signify he’s abusive or assaults Husk on a daily basis.

#hazbin hotel episode 5 #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel #alastor haters are gonna make me cry #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin alastor #rant #angel dust #hazbin hotel angel dust #hazbin husk

[alexiethymia]

I have a lot of thoughts.

Ok so I loved it. It was cheesy but I do love the entire hotel’s dynamic. They’re such a messed up found family. It was sweet as hell (pun intended) that they all stayed for Charlie and their home (gosh darn it, the hotel’s become home for them)!

The duet between Chaggie was adorable.

BUT BUT the last two episodes only cemented my intrigue with Charlastor. I do love fanon Charlastor.

But their canon dynamic on its own is so interesting. Like it doesn’t have to be romantic.

It’s in the way he didn’t immediately deal for her soul and yet we just know the deal is going to be heartbreaking.

It’s in the way despite his touch-aversion he is STILL so touchy with her. Like I always thought that it was power play, and to some extent it still is. But he already got the deal he wanted from her, and yet he still caresses her hair, pinches her cheeks, loops her arm around his in some parody of a gentleman’s hold?? (So so touchy, and it even seems different in the past that it seems almost friendly. It was weirdly adorable how proud he was in showing off Cannibal Town to Charlie). Sure it may be manufactured, but part of me thinks that part of it is unconscious because he displays a level of comfort with her similar to what he displays with Rosie, with his friends in other words. He’s called her ‘charming’ twice now!

It’s in the way that despite that Charlie has always been the underdog and mocked, in his own sadistic way, he HAS always believed in her (even as he still thinks it’s all for his own amusement). Even if he’s only using her there’s something to be said that he’s always believed her side was the winning side. He parallels Vaggie in that way I think. He seems proud of her (like seriously I wouldn’t expect him to actually smile sincerely with Charlie’s heartfelt declaration of love for all of them - him of all sinners!) AND here’s the thing, I could easily believe he thinks he will leave everyone high and dry if it’s a choice between him or them. He’s in it for himself after all. But when he sings about seeing and polishing Charlie’s potential, yeah it’s definitely villainous, but it’s striking that whatever mysterious endgame he has in the future still seems to include her.

And the most striking thing for me! We now know that his staff is his weakness, possibly a large source of his power. AND what this heartless sinner who trusts no one hands it over to Charlie?? Twice? He literally puts his weakness in her hands? It shows that (despite not admitting to it) he trusts in Charlie’s inherent goodness that she won’t take advantage of his vulnerability, because for some reason I don’t see him doing that with anyone else.

Charlie and Alastor are foils. Their dynamic forms a crucial part of the show. Absolute goodness versus absolute evil is boring. Alastor’s villainous breakdown is prepping the audience for a heartbreaking betrayal. But again it would be a boring development to watch if Alastor was his usual smug and evil self through it all. For it to have weight, Alastor also has to go through inner turmoil as well. Corrupt the cutie is a favorite trope for a reason. But who’s corrupting who? From Alastor’s breakdown, it’s clear he’s not as in control of everything anymore. I love love Alastor’s unwilling, conflicting, growing attachment to the hotel (which is best shown through his relationship with Charlie, though I would hope he develops his relationships with the other hotel residents too).

And it would be so interesting (and satisfying! and heartbreaking) if Charlie ends up playing Alastor at his own game. If Charlie is the one factor that Alastor doesn’t see coming because he (shock!) actually DOES trust her. In other words, in the same way Charlie (and the hotel) is influencing Alastor to become softer (and in his view, weak), what if Charlie does end up being influenced enough by Alastor’s mentoring that she ends up becoming all the more ruthless. Because I can see a scenario where Charlie ends up ‘betraying’ Alastor for what she deems a justified reason. Alastor’s ruthlessness with the self-righteousness of an angel? Whoo boy. There would be so many layers of dramatic irony there that Alastor’s plan of corrupting Charlie ends up working so well but it ends up hurting him because she’s the chink that manages to get past that smiling armor.

And compounding this inevitable tragedy is the knowledge that this could have all been avoided. Alastor trusts her, but it seems like it’s not enough or his urge for control still wins out in the end. Because for me there was no need to go through a deal. If it’s Charlie, she wouldn’t abandon Alastor and she’d do everything to help free him if that’s what the deal was for because that’s the only deal I can think of that wouldn’t require Charlie to hurt anyone.

Unless the deal isn’t about that. Unless typical power-hungry Alastor’s goal really is to depose Lucifer and to rule Hell. Because Charlie definitely wouldn’t help in that (unless she was forced to through their deal) but perhaps there’s something only she can do that ends up handing power over to Alastor.

That is to say Chaggie fulfills that itch for stability and a happy ending. Charlastor fulfills that itch for angst and push-and-pull. From the beginning, it’s been a tug of war and a battle of wills between Charlie and Alastor and I’m glad to see that theme has remained in the show. Alastor will be the truest test of Charlie’s belief in redemption. It’s exciting to see who’ll win out. Will Alastor corrupt her first or will Charlie redeem him first?

Like I thought I’d only see this is in fic, but heck I didn’t think we would actually get a group hug with Alastor but wow omg I can’t believe we actually got it in the show proper!

That is to say this long spiel is just to say that the show ended up turning me into a multishipper haha.

#hazbin hotel #charlastor #alastor #charlie morningstar #chaggie #don’t come @me pls #like I said I don’t need it to be romantic #but ever since the pilot I’ve been excited for the canon charlastor dynamic #and the show sure didn’t disappoint! #everything that intrigued me about it at first was still there #and got better! #vaggie #to think even vaggie would be smiling that alastor came back?? wow

[ducknewtonscoolhat]

On this day I present

Every single time Duck Newton is horrible at lying !

Episode 7

Duck: Yeah, it’s a nickname. Listen, y’all got a van handy, why don’t you hop in and get on trucking. Don’t forget to— don’t worry ‘bout your clothes. We’ll drive them up seperate.

Swimmer: Why can’t we take our clothes?

Duck: [freezing up] You need to— you need— uh. Here, I’ll get them. Y’all start loading in the van and I’ll bring your clothes out to ya’s. Just another one of the many services we offer from the Forestry Service.

Episode 10

Pigeon: Well, I know how to do it, I just wanna know why.

Duck: Perfect. Perfect. Why? It's for firefighter training? Yeah, it's for firefighter training. It's been a little while since I last told someone that, so I had some time to forget it. But it's for firefighting training, cuz we can't get enough water pressure to fight the fires, forest fires.

Pigeon: Out in Monongahela?

Duck: Yeeeeeeep.

Pigeon: Duck, that's on the opposite side of town. I can find other places that I can get you some more water pressure instead of pumping it out of the water park almost a mile away.

Duck: Yeah, but the water park is definitely gonna be closed. If you can tell me somewhere where you can guarantee that they're not gonna need that amount of water that's using that amount, I'd love to hear about it. Cus, off the top of my head, I can't improvise anything.

Pigeon: There's a reservoir right next to Monongahela.

Duck: The reservoir is a source of water but it's not gonna give other— fuck, listen Pigeon, here's the thing. I... love... to… practice fishing. But... the running water... frightens me, it's called hydrophobia. And I would love to practice my cast in a real water environment where I can get in a large body where I can guarantee that running water won't be a factor. And I would just love to practice my cast in a guaranteed still body. But here's the other thing, sometimes if you do it in a lake, that's what you're thinking, a fish will bite it and normally that's ideal, but I'm just trying to practice casting. It's like, when you don't want to catch, that's when they're biting, y’know what I mean? So I need a still body of water that I can guarantee won't move to practice my fishing casting.

Episode 13

Duck: I should’ve put some time into it, honestly, but I uh… I was real busy with family over the holidays, so I didn’t make much—

Mama: You literally just said you didn’t have any family in town over the holidays.

Duck: God dammit. Dammit!

Mama: I mean, it’s fine if you couldn’t dig anything up, but you don’t gotta lie to old Mama, you know?

Duck: Dammit! Dammit, Duck!

Mama: You don’t have to beat yourself up about it, Duck, I mean po—

Duck: Fuck!

Episode 14

EMT: Do you know what happened to him?

Duck: Oh boy…um…do you want the truth or a more convincing lie? Um, nah so, okay, right… so the Pizza Hut sign started to fall, ‘cause of the weather, and he ran up there on… a fire escape… and tried to push it? …With a bat? Damn it. Nah, he just pushed it, and it fell, but then he fell ‘cause he got shocked. I bet… mmm…I didn’t see. I was in-Ah, shit! Alright, hey fol-hey guys, rewind. I-hey guys, rewind a second. Ah fuck! I was inside, I didn’t see. Anything! I don’t know… this man. I do know this man. His name-Fuck!  Alright, I Ned, hi, here's-hmmm. Alright, so this man’s name is Ned, and he’s a friend of mine, and I don’t know what the hell happened to him, but you know this guy. He’s always getting into something. I don’t know, I was in the building, I almost got killed by a Pizza Hut sign. I might be in shock!

Episode 18

Duck: Honestly… uh if I gotta tell you the truth, Juno, I’m— I was trying to get into character. I’ve been—

Juno: You’re going undercover with these teens?

Duck: —I’m going undercover. I got a undercover teenage identity. It’s— it’s Frick Richums and when I assume the identity of Frick Richums, I’m trying to get undercover, with the Hornets [hisses] so I can find their illegal grow thing. [grunts]

Juno: You are a truly miserable liar, Duck Newton.

Duck: Goddamnit! I put on such a good— damnit!

Juno: Hey, when you’re finished with the… with those, those nails. Would you mind taking them back to the station? I need to sort of keep going around the perimeter see if I can find something to, you know, maybe help with your investigation to take down those— those drug kingpins, the Hornets.

Duck: Yeah, Juno, about that. I— I was kidding about that, of course. I was just having some fun. But I did… I did hear some of them talking on...... Facebook about you and how they were gonna target you. Like they need to get you out of the way. And it kinda freaked me out a little bit. Can you think of any reason anybody would wanna get you… outta the way? Or— or be targeting you? Like… for this?

Episode 21

(Deputy Dewey is asking for alibis)

Duck: Me— Me— Me too.

Deputy Dewey: You too what? You were

Duck: Yup.

Deputy Dewey: Alright…

Duck: Me too. I was— Yup, I— Yup, me too, for both. Yup, me too. Mmm…

Aubrey: Duck, are you okay? You look like you need to use the bathroom.

Duck: Nope. Yeah, I do. Yup. Uh, Burritos, alright… Bye.

Episode 22 Featuring Ned and Aubrey also being bad at lying

Morgue Technician: Can I help y'all with something?

Duck: Well, we would like to see the bodies of--

Aubrey: My brother!

Duck: My dad.

Ned: My son.

Duck: His brother. Her-- His-- His son, her brother, my dad.

Aubrey: Not related. There's two of 'em.

Ned: But you have to figure out which two.

Duck: We need to see a body for a dare. I'm sorry about all the lies from before but we need to see a body for a dare.

Aubrey: I was dared to look at the body of my brother.

Ned: And my son.

Aubrey: I was dared to look at the body of his son. Who is also my brother. Because he is my father.

Episode 32

Duck: Um… yup. It‘s… Harpo. Uh, all… [imitating crackling noise] Y‘all hearing this? [imitating crackling] The… radio break up. Radio break up. Mrrr.

#taz amnesty #duck newton #the adventure zone #duck newton fan account #taz

[bengiyo]

Only Friends: They Can't Sit With Me

I’ve been trying to find the words to express my consternation about Only Friends properly for weeks. Now that we’ve finished the show, I think I can say it plainly: The show just isn’t that deep, and the characters are unintentionally some of the worst gays you know. They can't sit with me and mine.

In so many ways this show avoided saying much for most of its runtime by just presenting the characters and putting them in situations. This would generally have been fine until the final episodes where the push to marry off the characters within their actor pairs coupled with the decision to punish Boston exclusively for any of the wrongs he had committed this season.

I hate feeling like I must defend Boston, because he was not a good friend to his squad. He introduced Top to their group just to fuck with Ray of all people for some reason. Then he got jealous when Top took a shine to Mew. He fired Ray at Top and Mew, and misrepresented a video he took of them to get Top to hook up with him one more time. (As a note, I also hold responsible for his decision to fuck around with Boston and withhold that information from Mew as well, but we’ll get there.) However, Boston is one of the only people in this show not using sex as leverage over the person he’s with or hounding people about putting out.

I hate that this show kept comparing other characters to Boston when Ray is fucking around with Sand while he’s seeing Mew. Top and Mew are playing their little stupid games about sex the whole time. Nick is pretending to be okay about stuff that he isn’t and using a sex tape as blackmail. Boston becomes the victim of blackmail and revenge porn in this show! Why is he the one who deserves to be punished for anything wrong that he did exclusively while everyone else is in “happy friend land” at the end of this show?

Also, what the fuck was the point of Boeing? They introduced Boeing as like a final boss but he revealed NOTHING about any of the characters, especially Top! Force did such a thankless and difficult job in this show only to get stuck in an enigmatic character that we can never get a secure read for. Boeing showed up and seemed like he was more of all of them, and we learned nothing because of his intrusion, and he gets rejected in the most perfunctory way possible as the final source of drama. Disappointing.

As I reflect on this show, I wish it had been episodic instead of a serial. The problem Only Friends has is that in the end it becomes a single story that took 12 weeks to tell. All this drama was so aggravating because these homos DO NOT have each other’s backs. Mew helps Boston out of a sticky situation just so he can be morally superior to Boston. Top helps Ray out of a situation and many of us thought that Top could have been the one who called the cops on the party! Cheum decides to castigate Ray AS HE’S BEING ARRESTED FOR DRUG POSSESSION. Cheum accuses Boston of assaulting her brother under false pretenses, never offers him a real apology, and then thinks that Boston should abase himself before the group at the end. If this show had been episodic, each episode could have been about a gay issue within this group and resolved itself within the episode while continuing larger arcs.

I feel like the angst between Boston and Mew went to waste. Why are they jealous of each other? Why didn’t they hate fuck? Mew is a virgin and Top was his first time. Why did we not unpack how Mew views himself after having sex for the first time? He had been holding out for so long and we never spend time with him really understanding how sex impacted him. Why wouldn’t he touch Ray at that point? Sure, he was never into Ray that way, but what is the core of his sexual preciousness?

This show spent the entire final episode taking a victory lap around Boston losing everything and celebrating these dysfunctional ass couples getting together, only to end on a scene of Mew being interested in Mix’s character as Top looks on worried. What a terrible place to end. We never understood Mew’s thing about sex and especially Top. We never understood Top. After dunking on Boston one final time, we end on Mew wanting to flirt with someone else? Terrible.

These people are still young, but this is not what community looks like. These characters are mean to each other in a way that makes me really worry about the shit that this queer team had suffered as they came of age and entered the scene. I believe in queer community. I believe in helping the people in our spaces even if I don’t like them personally. Even at their worst in Queer as Folk, those guys and gals had each other’s backs. Where was that energy here?

They are truly terrible friends. In so many ways, I was grossed out about the way a bunch of homos turned on the slut in their group only to end the show on a game of spin the fucking bottle where they made Sand make out with Top. It feels so weird that a group of queer people essentially ostracized one of their own for failure to conform with monogamous norms. NOT A SLAY.

Beyond that, I feel like most of the cast didn’t even get to play against type! Khaotung playing drunk so consistently was impressive, but he’s always been a pretty, rich, shit stirrer in most of his roles. First is always a grumpy simp. Book is always the virgin. Force got to be a jerk in a really fun way, but we never understood the interiority of his character. Mark and Neo got to do different stuff, and I really hope Neo gets an award for the way he fully embodied Boston.

I had a lot of hope for this show, but in the end, it will just be remembered as an amusing romp that fell flat in the back half for me. With that, I am done with Only Friends, and hoping to be done with GMMTV in a while, honestly. Between this, Hidden Agenda, Dangerous Romance, and a Boss and a Babe, I’m quite over it.

We wrote so much about this show trying to mine depth from it and the well was too shallow. It’s alright for us to admit that this show wasn’t that deep. We can admit that it was just a lot of fun for a few months. “This show is fun” (read: easy to fap to) and “This show is good” can form a Venn diagram, but that is not a circle. You gotta know when to fold ‘em.

#Ben writes #only friends the series #only friends meta

[avelera]

So I've been watching Three Body Problem with my partner and we just got to Episode 5. It has (spoilers) a pretty gruesome scene in it from the book, very bloody. I literally didn't watch it, just listened and watched my partner's (shocked) face throughout it.

This got me thinking. Not so much about Three Body Problem, because I haven't finished it yet nor read the books so I haven't really formed any sort of opinion on the show or the overall story, but more on Benioff and Weiss.

While looking away from That Scene I was curious if it was even in the book, so I was looking that up instead of watching. It was, but sure enough, Benioff and Weiss had embellished it.

I'll discuss it in more detail beneath the cut to avoid spoilers but suffice to say this is my take away:

For Benioff and Weiss, it's always been about cruelty. The chance to show cruelty above and beyond the source material, using the source material only as a spring board to delve into horrific imagery, is literally what attracts them to the stories they choose to depict.

And I felt like I'm taking crazy pills when I pointed this out all through the Game of Thrones era, not so much no one was figuring it out but because it felt like no one in the mainstream media was talking about it. They'd get asked these deep artistic questions about a certain scene (like the quote below which has spoilers) and it would be asked completely seriously and they'd give this answer like, "Oh we didn't want to show all that gore but we had no choice."

And I'm just sitting their flabbergasted like... what the fuck are you talking about, just admit that's what you wanted to depict?? That's what gave you a boner to tell this particular story??

Let me be clear, an artist choosing to depict gore and cruelty isn't a problem. I'm not a horror fan but it's not like I think horror shouldn't exist, or gore, or horrifying scenes that shock us to our marrow. That's very much a thing art can and should do!

I just feel like I'm fucking crazy because Benioff and Weiss and the people interviewing them never seem to get that this is their story kink. They always put this like... veneer of genteel shock and respectability over their questions about the cruel and gorey scenes they depict, like it just happened that way, when it's really really clear this is the stuff they like showing the most.

Benioff and Weiss's Game of Thrones was literally more gorey, graphic, and dehumanizing in places than the actual book. Where they departed from the books was, more often than not, to make things more abjectly cruel, dehumanizing, and shocking towards the characters. That's what they like doing as creators.

So this scene in Three Body Problem...

(SPOILERS)

... Where the ship gets slashed to ribbons and little children are literally shredded apparently isn't even depicted in the book.

"“We wanted to show it, we didn’t want to evade it,” Benioff said at a roundtable earlier this month. “I think when you actually see something on a screen, it is going to be more horrific than in the book. You’re reading these descriptions, but you’re not seeing blood, you’re not seeing a bunch of kids running away, you’re not seeing children’s backpacks getting split in half.” (source)

Didn't want to evade it? The book literally doesn't show children getting shredded and you went out of your way to show us numerous scenes introducing these children just so you can lovingly show them and their world get shredded to ribbons while completely aware and confronting the full horror of their fates like...

Again, I am not trying to moralize here. There is a space for horror, there is a space for exploring horrible things happening to innocents.

But they always talk about these very deliberate depictions of abject cruelty as if it's just *shrugs* "What can ya do? It had to be done!" NO IT DIDN'T. IT'S LITERALLY NOT IN THE BOOK IN THAT WAY. JUST OWN IT. OWN YOUR ARTISTIC VISION. OWN THE FACT YOU GLORY IN MAKING SLASHER LEVELS OF GORE AND TORTURE AND DEHUMANIZATION. STOP BEING SO FUCKING GENTEEL ABOUT IT. JUST FUCKING... LEAN IN TO WHAT YOU ARE INSTEAD OF ACTING LIKE IT WASN'T THE CHANCE TO SHOW CRUELTY THAT ATTRACTED YOU TO THE STORY IN THE FIRST PLACE.

And just as a lateral, US politics note, it felt like this under Trump too. I'm not saying artists depicting cruelty in an artistic work is anything like a politician with real power reveling in flexes of power channeled towards deliberate acts of fascistic cruelty.

But in both cases I felt like I was taking crazy pills because the media would just... speculate about the root desire behind such actions? Like "What could possibly be motivating these guys? Gosh, we don't know, to say what's actually happening here would be far too gauche so we'll just pretend it was an unpleasant byproduct of their TRUE goals, whatever those may be, no matter how implausible they may be."

Like: it's cruelty! The point is cruelty! Some people are just sadists! Some people get off on hurting others or in having the power to hurt others OR (and this is by far the only acceptable version of this and by the way it's completely acceptable to do this in FICTION) in creating artistic works that depict terrible cruelty and sadism.

... So anyway, I definitely went into Three Body Problem going, "Huh, I wonder why Benioff and Weiss chose THIS supremely difficult story to adapt as one of their next big projects?" And then I saw the boat getting shredded and the children they added to the loving depictions of gore and was like, "... Ah, yes. That's why."

(Edit: Just to be clear for those thinking of watching the show, it's not a gore-fest. It was easy to see this scene coming and to look away for it. There's some other moments of violence but those are also pretty easy to anticipate and look away from. This isn't a slasher horror show and it's had a lot of good points (so far). This particular scene just made me go, "Ah, there's the Benioff and Weiss I remember.")

#netflix three body problem #benioff and weiss #game of thrones #come at me bro I don't even care if people disagree

[lunas-side-anime-blog]

AOT Icks (Eren, Armin and Mikasa)

one thing about me: i am a hater

Eren

def has mommy issues and no woman could ever compare to her like good luck to any of his girlfriends lmao

^^ that being said, as a roommate he’s a nightmare like you can tell his mom cleaned up after him all the time because it doesn’t even occur to him to do so now

toxic gym bro who says shit like “we all have the same 24 hours”

def has the the 3 in 1 bottle in his shower, I just know it

prob calls women “females” 

the cringiest instagram captions like I know he will post sum: “I think my closet bi-polar, it keeps throwing fits💯”  like dude, get a grip

attempts thirst traps, he has a ripped body so it kinda works but the content is so transparent you can’t help but roll your eyes

go out to a bar with him or something and he’s the type to try to make everything a fight

like if someone bumps into you, he's quickly in their face like "what's good bro😡” and you know its not actually about you so much as eren tryna beat someone up

i think he’ll use spit as lube thinking he’s so bad boy and lewd when it’s actually just so bad for your PH like ewwww (if u have a vag ofc)

i feel like his hair would get so greasy, mikasa and armin have had to force him down with shampoo in hand before 

so gross but you came here for icks and I don’t believe Eren believes in holding back his farts for anyone

it can be the most intense and serious event like a funeral and he’ll rip a loud one and be like “what? it’s not good to hold it in??”

Armin

nail biter who will chew on them till the bone and you hear that loud ass “crONCh"

says he hates drama but that’s just something he says to not seem petty bc at the first sight of a fight best believe he’s sitting there, watching it all go down, wine glass in hand like "🍷🤨👂" 

lil shit will even add lil comments to keep the beef alive, like i can see him loudly asking “okay but jean didn't you say her outfit made her look fat though?”

if you're in a debate with him, he’s the type to say something like “you're so uneducated about the subject, I’m actually pretty well versed in it” and your like "okay so what's all ur research then?" and he'll just quickly change the subject bc he didn’t actually have sources to cite lmao

is one of those bfs who would make fun of you for liking trashy tv but guess who eats that shit up everytime? armin.

he does that dad thing where he walks around in the living room and acts uninterested with what’s happening on the screen but he’s actually so invested and would be fuming if you dared watched an episode without him 

i think he’d also be the type to try to be friends with his ex even if they obviously still have feelings for him, but if you dared even talk to yours he’d get all huffy and puffy like “go be with him then🙄” 

got obsessed with skincare after watching your routine but u kinda created a monster bc now he’s critiquing your products and techniques? “Babe you should really consider a gel moisturizer, it’s better for your pores'' and you're like, “boy you used neutrogena when I met you???” 

is that bf who will shower at your place and use up all your expensive washes and scrubs 

not the best gift giver tbh, I think he’s a firm believer that all gifts should be practical so even if it’s a romantic anniversary date and he slides over a lil present, it’s probably just gonna be socks or something, srry

Mikasa

applies her chapstick like a man (iykyk)

“he know where home is” bitch, I hate to say it

i think she’s a girl’s girl until her man cheats on her, then she’d be the type to fight the girl and not really address her man…which is just… 😣

as a friend I think she’s sadly the type to unintentionally embarrass you bc she doesn’t get some social cues.

like you can miss a hang and ppl ask where you are and she’d just say matter of factly “oh they’re fine, they just have diarrhea rn!” and she won’t understand why you’d be mad?

outfit repeater to the max, she has like three tops that she likes and all pics of her are with her wearing one of those three tops

a lil delulu and prob genuinely believes all the tiktok pick a card vids on her feed

likes her coffee black and somehow thinks she’s better than everyone for that???

as a gf she checks your snap score and location regularly and has no shame in it 🙂

fights in her sleep like you will just be sleeping next to her all soundly and next thing you know you get punched in the face? she refuses to apologize in the morning bc she “has a right to defend myself in a nightmare” or whatever

when shes mad at someone she’ll post like ultra specific lyrics or captions and it’s so obviously targeted at one person everyone else is like "girl go to bed, don’t even post the quote…"

#aot headcannons #eren x reader #eren headcanons #armin headcanons #armin x reader #mikasa headcanons #mikasa x reader #modern aot #modern attack on titan #modern mikasa #modern eren #modern armin

[essycogany]

Rare But Not So Rare Sonic Moments. Character Analysis.

Crying

A weird topic I’m more then happy to discuss.

Mandate: “Sonic’s not allowed to get overly emotional.”

I’m starting to think the mandates do break in a few instances. This one specifically is something I’m quite interested in because this is probably one of the rarest emotions Sonic displays. Getting sad/emotional.

Hopefully this essay will be a positive outlook on the mandate.

(Despite being a discussion about negative emotions.)

Examples Of Sonic Getting Emotional

I might not include everything, but the examples I have knowledge of will be stated. If you have anymore examples, I’d love to see them.

SATAM: Sonic cried when he and the Freedomfighters had to leave his Uncle Chuck in Robotnik’s lab.

Archie: The times Sonic cried/teared up was when the weight of a situation got to him, when something tragic occurred and all hope was lost, or when he was filled with joy after those instances ended. Those moments like others, didn’t go too far. (For the most part)

Pretty sure he never out right sobbed.

Underground: I think Sonic only cried when he was a little kid.

Correct me if I’m wrong.

X: In episode 52 Sonic allowed his tears to shed with his head turned away from us. He and Chris ran one last time before Sonic left through a portal to go home forever. It obviously crushed him even if we didn’t see his face.

Boom: Sonic cried/teared up in two episodes of the show. First when Tails was reminiscing about the Tornado and noticed Sonic wiping his eyes. Sonic replied, “What?” Then he, Knuckles, and Tails all cried when they thought the baby they took care of was gone. Also, in Archie when Stick’s rock friend broke or “Died,” everyone in team Boom morned it. Sonic included.

IDW: Sonic shed tears in the Scrapnick Island Issue. Even if it was “Mecha Sonic’s” tears I’ll count it anyways because it’s a good loophole and it came out of Sonic’s eyes.

Movie 1: It’s implied he indeed cried during the baseball scene. The sources being a deleted scene and story-board of the film.

Prime: This doesn’t really count, but Sonic teared up in the first episode when he was held captive by the Chaos Council and had light blasted in his eyes, when he was in darkness. Then Sonic actually cried in episode 7 when he ate a seadog. Either because he was home-sick or starving.

(In the last episode of season two it’s implied he might cry in the next episode. Especially with the shot of him looking on the verge of tears and then covered his eyes in the background of the last shot, but we’ll see.)

By the way. You can see the instant improvement from episode 1 to 7 of the tears animation. Just thought I’d say that.

My Overall Thoughts

Hold on because this is going to be a long ride.

First thing I’d like to discuss is the mandate itself.

I personally don’t believe it means, “Sonic shouldn’t cry.”

(Which has been stated a bunch)

If that were the case, I don’t think this majority of moments (specifically the recent ones) would’ve happened. I think the mandate meant Sonic couldn’t and or shouldn’t go too far with his emotions. I don’t think the mandate existing makes any since, but I won’t get into that.

My point is, Sonic can cry, just not in an overly dramatized way unless it’s done for comedic purposes.

(I say that because of Sonic Boom and the 7th episode of Prime examples. Which are obviously not meant to be taken seriously)

My opinions on Sonic crying.

It’s not necessarily needed, but I don’t mind if it’s done well. I do believe Sonic shouldn’t go too far unless the situation does.

One Issue in Archie when Sonic’s entire life was basically ruined, is a good example. If you’re going to have such calamities happen to him, especially since he has zero ego or mask to hold onto, I think it’s a fair enough scenario for him to react as drastic as his misfortune.

But I believe if he were to cry in something like the Metal Virus. (Just for an example) it could be like how Espio teared up after Vector’s sacrifice.

Crazy idea. Let’s talk about Shadow for a minute.

Shadow is one of the most stoic characters in the entire franchise. He barely smiles, gets excited, or displays any overly positive emotions. While Sonic rarely cries, gets angry, or shows any harsh negative emotions. Shadow and Sonic are opposites because of that.

Sonic’s overall a positive and outgoing guy who wants to keep moving forward. Whenever he has the time to worry, he runs. Faces his problems head on. Sonic only let’s a small amount of his true emotions out when helping someone else. In general Sonic’s a pretty optimistic character.

Shadow on the other hand is a reserved and serious guy. Who wants what’s best for the world too, but in a more calculated and planned out manner. But for some reason, in Sonic Adventure 2 after Amy encouraged Shadow to save the world, (Which reminded him of Maria’s real wish) He sheds a tear.

I repeat. Shadow is the most stoic character in the entire franchise. Who rarely shows his emotions. And yet he cries.

Why can’t Sonic? To be fair, Sonic usually doesn’t have time to think, let alone worry about how he feels. But if Shadow himself can have a short moment of releasing his emotional baggage, why can’t the blue blur?

Is Sonic even as happy as he let’s on?

I’d say he’s genuinely happy half of the time. Then the other half Sonic’s internalizing everything negative in him. Everyone knows Sonic’s overall upbeat, but we’ve seen plenty of times (In the Metal Virus specifically) when he’s thinking, or enduring the chaos around him, he doubts himself. Sonic has these insecurities and emotions he barely let’s anyone see.

Besides Issue #24

Even in Sonic Prime while Sonic shows the most guilt, sincerity, anger, fear, and sadness in the show. He sometimes still puts on a front and acts like everything’s fine.

Sonic Unleashed I’m pretty sure was the first and only time we’ve seen him mope for a minute. All because Amy didn’t know who he was. So, he does have some level of insecurities lingering every once in a while.

Can Sonic crying even work?

How I interpret him crying is when he’s alone. Some people theorize in certain instances like SA2 and Unleashed with Shadow and Chip’s sacrifices, he cried a little. I’m fascinated by this idea. I believe it’s the most in character way to let him cry. Maybe even something like X when his face isn’t shown, but you know how he’s feeling.

Even if we do see Sonic’s face, him crying or tearing up could be shown without being over the top. Normalize it in a way that doesn’t fly off the handle. His expression could have a hint of frustration, anger, or exhaustion. Crying is normal and I don’t see Sonic crying as out of character because it’s been done plenty of times.

It’d be nice if it happened in order to make Sonic feel more believable and sympathetic. As long as the dude’s not on the floor whaling, I’m sure it can work.

Final Thoughts

There are other ways to show Sonic’s emotions. Again, crying doesn’t have to happen, but it does help the writing feel less unnecessarily limited of what kind of emotions can be displayed on this character.

Though there are benefits too. Like finding fun loopholes or small animated details like in IDW and Prime. Sonic not crying so much makes the times he does (or may do in the future) feel earned and impactful. The examples before prove it can be done without taking away what makes Sonic who he is. It just needs to be subtle, quiet, and quick. (Or humorous) Depends on what you think.

At the end of it all, Sonic’s a tough hedgehog. Him shedding a few tears won’t ever change that.

Stay Creative! 💜

#I LOVE talking about this character’s rare moments #This was FUN to make #sonic the hedgehog #sth #tails the fox #miles tails prower #knuckles the echidna #sticks the badger #shadow the hedgehog #shadow the ultimate lifeform #amy rose #amy rose hedgehog #uncle chuck #doctor robotnik #doctor eggman #chris thorndyke #mecha sonic #sonic satam #sonic underground #archie sonic #sonic x #sonic boom #sonic idw #sonic movie #sonic wachowski #sonic prime #prime sonic #sonic unleashed #sonic adventure 2 #character analysis

[cheezbites]

Chris McLean As Your Ex Pt.2

Part One

✎: My first time writing smut... I’m a proud smut-writing-virgin!!😭🙏

♡Summary: Chris being a man-whore, and Y/N meets the campers. (Ex!Chris x f!reader)

WARNINGS: Language, smut, minors skedaddle!!!, overstimulation. (???)

➽Tag List: (Thank y’all for the sweet comments, they motivated me a lot through this whole thing!!!) @11aplacesange11 @prayersgems @marsyay78 @blobthejellyfish @lemonsarentlemons

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

The silence that filled the air wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, despite the enigmatic history between you and Chris.

“Care to grab me a towel?” you asked with a sense of sarcasm visible in your tone. When you looked at Chris he was already staring. But not in a sexual way - (despite your soaked pyjamas being translucent and exposing your bare figure). And not in a spiteful way, either.

He didn’t answer for a while, as if he was possessed by you.

“Oh, I uh- yeah,” he walked out of the room in hopes of finding Chef to fetch a spare towel for you. As you stood up from the bathtub, water trickled down your frigid body. You dried your hair by squeezing it tightly in your grasp and twisting it.

This whole situation was absurd, hosting with your ex, having a panic attack and the rumours online. Most importantly; you got your cutest pyjamas soaked, bummer.

You plopped yourself up on the counter and aimlessly kicked your feet - when he re-entered the room, his demeanour was distant this time around.

“Chef’s not here, he’s making the campers breakfast.”

-

“Here,” he murmured, handing you a fresh towel, but not even making eye contact with you in the process.

“Thanks,” you said, drying yourself off. You then realised the way he was fleeing from even momentarily sparing you a glance. It all began to make sense now, you were technically naked.

“It’s not like it’s anything you haven’t seen before.” You chuckled, mildly nestling his face and turning it so he could look at you.

“I shouldn't be here…”

“Why, do I make you nervous?” You swiftly and delicately dried your hair, completely unaware of the effect your question had on him. You made him more than nervous, you made Chris McLean a total wreck. He felt uneasy and apprehensive at the mention of your name, or just by thinking about you. But seeing you in real life, living and breathing and all - it took every cell in his body to not fumble his words and tremble uncontrollably.

His palms began to sweat and he ran a hand through this dark, messy hair. Amidst searching for the perfect answer that would best resonate his cocky know-it-all personality.

“Let me tell tell you something, Chris.”

“Uh- sure thing.”

“You know…” you settled your towel on the counter, giving him your full attention.

“The fans think my show’s latest episodes are being faked now, y’know, the fights and all. They think that so I can hype up my expected appearance for TDI.”

“Yeah, I understand.” he placed his hands next to your thighs, on the edge of the countertop where you were sat. “It’s stupid, but they will come to their senses. I promise. You’d never stage your content, they would know.”

Whilst he had you pinned between his arms, something else was holding you down: the way he was looking at you. His eyes, which were once a source of irritation, now radiated an infatuation that left you breathless. It was as if he was seeing you for the first time, your heartbeat accelerated when you realized that maybe, just maybe, the flame of your old love still flickered, waiting to be reignited.

“Stop…” you muttered, still unable to take your eyes off of him.

“What?”

“You know what you’re doing, Chris.”

“Hm?” he cocked his head to the side in the slightest.

…


“Shut up and kiss me,” you leaned in without a second thought - you saw this coming from a mile away. The way he was there for you only once and gave you one ‘look’, then you’re already whipped.

“Don’t you hate me?” he questioned in the midst of kissing you.

“I know.”

He carried you to your bedroom, causing your arms to wrap around his neck for leisure. As you straddled him on your bed whilst his hands were placed on your hips. You gave him tender hickeys on his neck, and he lowly grunted in response to the pleasuring sensation whilst he stroked your hair.

“Make sure to cover them before filming.”

You tugged your pyjama shorts and underwear off then reflexively grinded on his boner. As your body arched into his lap, his hands were around your hips closely pulling you in. You were already so unbelievably wet for him, fortunately it could be disguised as remaining water from the bathtub.

“Please Y/N… ‘need to feel you,”

“You don’t deserve me yet, Chris.”

“Please, baby- please...” You couldn’t help feeling bad seeing him like this, being so desperate and needy from how pussy deprived he was. You had him begging for you - to be fair, you were getting a rise out of this. He was so hard it began hurting him.

A beam of thrill and gratification was visible in his eyes when you unbuckled his belt and pulled his boxers down, his dick practically sprung into the air and precum was trickling down his tip. You sank onto his cock and adjusted to the mild pain by rocking your hips back and forth.

As you rode him, low grunts and whimpers flew past his lips. He moderately bucked up his hips so you could take more of him.

“Fuck,” he erratically babbled obscenities and curses under his breath as he softly fondled your curls.

“Chris, ‘m close,” you grunted, digging your nails into his shirt. He used his hands to guide and support you as your legs progressively gave out. Without warning, his slick filled you to the brim and spewed extensively. It covered your abdomen, top and bed sheets.

After a few more thrusts, your world flashed before your eyes. Your cum pooled around his inner thigh, you felt your heartbeat pleasurably throbbing in your clit and your breathing was hot and heavy. But he wasn’t done with you yet, he wanted to make a mess out of you. His favourite part about the aftermath of fucking the sense out of you was the way you looked.

Your hair would be messy, partly obscuring your face, while streaks of mascara smudged your puffy eyelids, and you’d have slightly bloodshot teary eyes. Which is what you currently look like.

He cautiously repositioned you to the centre of the bed and manhandled you into doggy-style position. Upon feeling lightheaded, you were willing to be obedient. Your back was arched and your ass was in the air for him, you used your trembling arms to support your upper body.

His already soaked penis slid up and down your throbbing cunt - teasingly rubbing circles onto your clit. He repeated this motion a few more times, and without warning he thrusts into you, inciting a startled whine to escape your lips.

He shoved his dick deeper and deeper inside of you with every thrust. One of your hands was covering your mouth in an attempt to silence your audible moans and the other was digging your nails into the bedsheets for dear life.

“Ch-Chris, ‘can’t take...it,” you sobbed, unobtainably moving your other hand from your mouth to the bed. Sinking your nails into the soft fabric.

“You’re taking me so well, baby…”

His randy words triggered you to clench around his cock, eliciting a groan from him.

Your eyes twitched and rolled back from the overstimulation, When you think he’s about to stop he keeps going; yet more passionately and intensified.

He mercilessly rammed his dick into you and clutched onto your hips so he could manoeuvre you freely and ensure you don't fall.

A stream of tears ran down your eye, you couldn't take the constant pounding. You couldn't do anything else but brainlessly sputter whatever came to mind. Fortunately, no one else was there. If they had been, all they would have heard were your muffled cries, moans and whines.

“Please,” you pleaded through tearful eyes and a quivering voice, unsure what you were begging for. As you clasped onto the cum stained cloth below you.

“Ngh- Ch—..ris!”

He applied pressure onto your clit and rubbed continuous circles with his thumb, your knees felt wobbly - akin to a jelly consistency, and your arms went numb and they gave in, granting Chris easy access as your arch had increased tenfold.

“Baby, baby… ’m close,” you blurted, burying your head into your pillow.

The speed of the pounding leisurely died down,“Fuck,” Chris groaned as he released his load into you, heavily breathing and briefly staying put before pulling out.

Soon you followed, It felt like an otherworldly experience coming twice in such a short span of time. Your entire body felt excruciatingly numb, but at the same time; the sensation was vaguely rewarding.

You collapsed onto your bed face-flat, still drowsily breathing. Chris tugged your hair so he could look at your face and everything was unkept: from your messy hair to your tearful eyes. Just what he liked. He buckled up his jeans and abruptly left the room.

He fetched an oversized t-shirt and dressed you in it. As well as a soft and comfortable blanket for both of you. Draping it over your body, you couldn't help but smile as you snuggled up next to him on, the warmth of the blanket enveloping you both.

With an officious yet endearing tone, Chris asked, "Do you need anything else, love? Water, a snack, a pillow... anything?"

You held his hand that was placed on your waist, feeling content. "I'm okay, Chris. Just having you here is enough."

He chuckled softly and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer. "Alright, if you change your mind, just let me know."

You closed your eyes, enjoying the comfort of the moment, knowing that even in the midst of your arguments and conflicts, there were these precious, sweet moments that made you appreciate each other's company.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

“Up close she looks even better… she’s so pulchritudinous.”

“Shut the fuck up, Harold. Nobody even knows what that means!”

“OMG, that's the girl on that one show that goes like, “Getting up close and personal with the icons!” and she's like suuuper famous!”

“How did Chris bag Y/N L/N? He’s a 4 on a good day.”

“Campers, settle down!!!” Chef yelled, silencing their overlapping chatter.

You warmly smiled at the campers, standing next to Chris on his podium. They were all situated around logs surrounding a toasty campfire. A majority of them were too busy ogling you in shock and astonishment, the rest were still in denial.

“Hello campers!” you greeted, a striking confidence was distinguishable in your voice.

“As most of you know already, my name is Y/N L/N. It’s a pleasure to meet you guys! I‘ve noticed some of you are big fans of my show, ‘Icons Unveiled’. Or you may know me from hosting previously, but for the next few weeks, I will be hosting Total Drama Island along with the great, famous Chris McLean!”

As you gave your speech, you had an unquestionable authority. They all patiently waited for you to finish speaking before they interjected with their own comments, you were humble at the same time. Two of the campers even broke down crying, one was a tall blonde with blue eyes and brown thigh-high heels, the other being a short brunette with pink leggings and a green shirt garnished with scouting badges.

“Is this a dream? Someone pinch me.”

“Okay, I hate Chris so much but her being here makes this SO much more better.”

“I can't breathe right now I’m about to die I think?! I’m starting to hear colours.”

Through all the ear-splitting reactions, a malicious set of eyes was set on you. Relentlessly shooting envious looks in your direction - a scrutiny that hoped looks could kill, and wishing you dead from simply glaring at you.

“That’s a really fun idea.” A silvery voice interjected, scowling her face at both you and Chris. You raised an eyebrow, bewildered at the sudden hostility.

“You’re going to be an outstanding hostess, right? Cue the applause, everybody.” The redundant remarks made everyone’s head turn to gape at her. She had straight blonde hair and striking blue eyes, she folded her arms over her tight red dress and crossed her legs, highlighting her crimson heels.

“Blainley, cut it out.” Chris enunciated, impatience lacing his words.

“I’m glad you can even remember my fucking name, so what? You just abandon as this season’s hostess for Y/N?! Fucking Y/N L/N? What does she have that I don't?”

“Uh, hope I'm not interrupting. But who is Bethany? I was never informed about a Betahny hosting, too…” You purposely fumbled her name to further enrage her and see how far you could escalate this situation, just for the hell of it.

“Is it 'cause she’s prettier, more famous? Or is she a better fuck than me?!”

The campers froze with their jaws resembling an ‘O’ shape, and then they raucously chattered about what was unfolding, but her final comment ticked you off. Who does this bitch think she is? You could tell she had no shame publicly announcing her ‘sex life’ on national TV and causing an unnecessary one-sided fight. But you ensured you would have fun toying with and antagonizing her.

“I never will or have fucked you, you’re mentally ill. Just sit down and behave. You’re a con-tes-tant now, know your lane.” Chris retorted curtly, agitatedly drumming his fingers on the podium’s surface.

“Go to hell, Chris. And you,” she aggressively pointed an accusing finger in your direction.

“You can join him in hell, slut.” she stormed off from the campfire, flipping the cameras off. She left everyone else feeling shocked, alarmed and astounded by the scene she put up.

Masterlist

A/N: This part was kinda short, MY DEAREST APOLOGIES FR. I wanted to do a double chapter but this was marinating in my drafts for too long, and I could NAWT decide what to do for part 3. So as soon as I do I’ll get to writing it ASAP😔🤞. Next part will be a juicy double chapter I promise

#total drama #total drama island #angst #cod #smut #cod x reader #fluff #ghost #ghost cod #x yn #yn #boyfriend #chris mclean #chris #tdi #total drama 2023 #mw2 #mw #ghost mw2 #skit #simon ghost riley #one piece #two chapters #part one #part two #part three #self insert #silly #silly era #idk

[forever-rogue]

Heart Out

AN |  Once again, no one asked for this. Absolutely no one, but here we are - bone app the teeth. Basically - in which you meet Peter Parker, fall in love, accidentally fall pregnant, and have everything blow up in your face…or so it appears ❤️

Pairing | tasm!Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language, Pregnant!Reader

Word Count | 6.3k

Masterlist | Main | Peter

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Hello there,” you shrieked at the sound of the warm voice, clutching at your heart as you turned to find the source of your heart attack. Turned out that the man standing across the hall with a cheeky smile on his was about to give you another heart attack. Holy fuck - he was gorgeous. You opened and closed your mouth a few times, any coherent thought already out of your head, “I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you heard me coming.”

“N-no,” you stammered out dumbly, unable to say anything else. Well then; he probably already thought you were a complete idiot, “I just, umm, didn’t h-hear you.”

“I’ll be louder next time,” he grinned, and his face took on a boyish quality. Funny; he could go from ridiculously handsome to outrageously cute in a matter of moments, “I just wanted to introduce myself - you just moved in right? I’m Peter. Parker. Peter Parker.”

“Peter,” you repeated softly and oh. He shouldn’t have you feeling this type of way already. You offered him your name, which he also repeated, testing it out to get a feel for it. You liked the way it sounded coming from him, “I moved in last week. It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too, sweetheart,” and there he was, already hitting you with the nicknames. The audacity, “if you ever need anything at all, feel free to let me know. You’re welcome any time, day or night.”

“T-thanks,” your mind absolutely did not have to go and immediately think about going over to his place late at night when you needed something and then - no. Nope. You were definitely not going to let your thoughts go there, “that’s very kind of you.”

“You’re new to the building - it’s nice to know at least one person,” he shrugged lightly, “and maybe make a new friend. But I mean it, my door’s open - metaphorically - anytime.”

“Well, thank you again, Peter,” you opened your door and turned around to cast one last little wave goodbye, “see you around - have a good night.”

“You too, honey.”

Peter stood and watched you close your door, not moving until he heard you lock it. A soft little smile settled on his face as he went back into his own apartment. He didn’t mean to be so invasive, but curiosity - and his spidey senses - got the better of him and he listened to you shuffle around your apartment, muttering softly under your breath. Damn; he liked you already.

He’d known you when you moved but had been tempted to come over and help, but he also didn’t want to scare you off either. But he had also just offered himself up to you practically 24/7….maybe it was too late. Either way, he hoped he’d get to see you again. 

Meanwhile in your apartment, you were trying not to have a breakdown. How did you manage to fuck up a simple conversation? He probably thought you were an idiot; he probably didn’t even want you to come over. Peter seemed like he was the type of guy that was nice to everyone. Maybe you could just avoid him forever and pretend this never happened.

“Peter Parker,” you whispered to yourself, flopping on the couch and pulling out your phone. A little online…research wouldn’t hurt anyone, right? You cast a furtive look around, as though he was suddenly going to appear in your doorway, “let’s see what you’re about.”

Several background episodes of some old TV show, a helping of chocolate, and over an hour of online snooping, you’d found out a lot about Peter Parker. He was some sort of genius scientist by day, an amateur photographer on the side, and apparently a huge geek. Ugh. As if you needed more reasons to like him. How could he be hot, smart, and nerdy? Unfair. 

You closed out every app and tossed your phone to the side before sighing heavily. This might prove to be harder than you’d thought. Peter Parker was going to be a menace…you could just feel it.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

As fate would have it, your plan to avoid Peter Parker did not go well. It did not go well at all. 

From the first time you met him, you seemed to run into him all the time; leaving for or coming from work, in the laundry, even out in public. At first you had tried to play it off and keep interactions brief, but the more you kept seeing him the more you wondered if it was all a sense of timing…or was it fate? 

Either way, you stopped questioning; you allowed yourself to become friends with Peter. Friends that just so happened to be flirty with each other. Which was totally normal…who didn’t flirt with their friends every once in a while. Right? Right. What happened between the two of you would happen and you decided to let things flow naturally. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

That all came to a head one chilly winter night.

It was later in the evening and you were winding down for the day when your heating went out. And as luck would have it, it was just cold enough that you needed the heater. You had no clue how to fix it and it would be too late to call the maintenance line and your mind only went out to one thing, or one person rather, Peter. 

You pulled on a hoodie and toed on your slippers before padding across the hall. There was a moment of hesitation as you raised your hand but couldn’t quite bring yourself to knock. Before you could make a decision one way or the other, the door opened and Peter stood on the other side, “hi.”

“H-hey,” you hadn’t even made a sound and yet he still knew you were at the door…weird. But that was the least of your concerns at the moment. You were desperately trying not to stare at him too closely; he was wearing a pair of sinful gray sweatpants and a well fitted t-shirt. The urge to throw yourself at him was ridiculous.

“Everything alright, sweetheart?”

Right. You were here for something entirely different. You mentally slapped yourself before nodding, “I’m sorry for coming so late, and I don’t even know if you’d be able to help but my heating went out and I have no clue what to do. Umm...you know what, it’s okay. I-I’ll figure it out.”

You’d turned to leave, regretting your decision to bother him, but before you could run away, you felt his long, slender fingers wrap around your wrist. You turned to him with wide eyes and he shook his head lightly, “you’re in luck. I happen to be very handy with things like this.”

“Is that because of all the science-y things you do?” you blurted it out before thinking about it as he raised his eyebrows. Right. You weren’t supposed to know about what he did for a living…it had never really come up. You also weren’t supposed to give the fact that you’d stalked him on the internet, “j-just because you seem like a STEM guy. ‘s all.”

Smooth.

“I do happen to be a STEM guy,” he grinned, “let me come over and take a look. I’m sure it’ll be an easy fix - the heating here is just a little finicky.”

“Thank you,” you slinked back to your apartment, handsome man in tow. You were glad that you’d just cleaned up and everything was tidy. Peter looked so good in your apartment and it made the whole domestic daydream hard to ignore, “I’m assuming the heaters are in the same spot. So…yeah. Can I help with anything - get you anything?”

“I’ve got it,” he promised, already walking into the living room where your heater was, “it shouldn’t take too long.”

You made a small sound of acknowledgement as you retreated into the kitchen, deciding to finish up the dishes you had started…while stealing glances at him. It was hard to ignore such an attractive piece of art in your own home. At one point he stretched and his shirt rode up, revealing the patch of hair under his belly button that disappeared under the waistband of his sweats. A wistful little sigh escaped your lips, which you quickly covered up with a cough. You swore you could see a little smirk on his face. 

To your delight and chagrin, Peter really was handy and had the heating kicked on and working well in a short period of time. He turned back to you with a triumphant smile and jazz hands, “ta-da! All working again…and probably better than before. Simple circuit issue.”

“I…wow, thank you so much,” you smiled softly, “that’s really kind of you. How can I repay you? Whatever you want, name it and it’s yours.”

Peter’s smile grew bigger and he seriously wanted to answer with a simple you. But instead he shook his head and brushed off your concern, “don’t mention - really, it was nothing. Plus, it gives me a chance to see you again. It’s been a bit...almost like you were avoiding me. Did I do something to scare you off?”

He’d come over now and was standing across from you, arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the wall. Peter could read you like a book already and it was just all too easy for him. You bit the inside of your cheek and just shook your head, “n-no, Peter. Of course not, I’ve just been…busy. And didn’t feel the need to bother you.”

“You didn’t feel the need or didn’t want to?” he asked softly, his voice so warm and low that felt like he should be whispering those words directly in your ear. You swallowed thickly, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks, “tell me, sweetheart.”

“Didn’t want to,” you confessed shyly, “didn’t want you to get tired or annoyed with me.”

“I don’t think I could ever get tired of you,” how you’d come to be right in front of him was a mystery but you found yourself looking up into his pretty brown eyes. He reached up and touched your face, brushing his knuckles across your cheek before trailing his fingers along your jaw and down your neck, “sweet, sweet girl.”

“Peter,” he was still new to you, still so much to discover and learn but you already felt like you’d known him for a lifetime. It was such a strange feeling, such a magnetic pull and you didn’t even want to bother fighting it.

“Hmm?” his face was close to yours, and you could feel the warmth radiating off him. He smelled so deliciously warm and soft that you wanted to wrap yourself in his clothes and wanted him all over you, “tell me what you need, honey.”

“Kiss me?” you asked sweetly, “please?”

He answered your simple request by pressing his lips to yours in what started off as a saccharine, soft little thing. With even the slightest taste of him, you were already addicted to him. A little gasp escaped your lips as you looked back at him and found him watching with equal curiosity and tenderness. 

And then it happened so fast - he was all over you and you jumped into his arms, letting him kiss you dizzy and leave a lavender haze across your skin. His touch was electric and you couldn’t remember the last time you’d felt so alive. He picked you and carried you to your bedroom so effortlessly, and you felt so soft and delicate in his arms. Your lips barely broke contact as he gently laid you on the bed, looking down at you like you were the most precious thing in the world. 

He gently brushed your hair out of your face, resting his hand on your cheek and leaned into his touch, “we don’t have to-”

“I want this,” you promised softly, “I want you, Peter.”

That was all he needed before caging you in between his arms, leaning down to kiss you more. You could easily - and did - spend hours under him, letting him kiss you and touch every which way It felt like a dream, a sweet fantasy that your lust addled brain had conjured up, but the soft moan and whimpers you were drawing from him reminded you that this was all very real. 

“Peter,” his name had never sounded as sweet as it did when it fell reverently from your lips, “please.”

“I’ve got you, sweetheart,” he promised, nosing along your jaw before placing a kiss to your lips, “I’ve got you.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You’d believed him. You’d believed every sweet word whispered in your ear, every little moan and whimper exchanged that he’d meant them all.

But when you woke up the next morning, golden sunshine and soft bird chirps streaming into your bedroom, you rolled over and fully expected to find his warm body next to yours. But instead you found a chilly emptiness. Strange. You hadn’t even heard him get up, let alone leave you. A pang settled in your stomach as you slid out of bed, feeling the dull ache between your legs as you slid on your shirt from last night.

“Peter?” you padded your way into the hall and kitchen looking for any signs of life; unfortunately you found nothing. A pout worked its way onto your face as you looked around, and in a much smaller voice you spoke into the nothingness, “Peter?”

But he was long gone and you already knew that. There was no note, no anything. You scrubbed a hand over your tired face before sighing to yourself. You should have known - of course it was too good to be true. Peter Parker wasn’t into you and he hadn’t felt any sort of connection. He’d just wanted to have sex…and you’d given right in. 

“Dumb, pathetic girl,” you chided yourself before moving to the bathroom to take a long, hot shower. You wanted to scrub off every last bit of Peter from your body and home. You decided to let yourself cry and wallow in self-pity while showering; after that it was back to business as usual. Maybe you’d get an answer from Peter later. Maybe you’d find out that this was all some sort of weird misunderstanding. You still had hope that Peter would turn out to be everything you had dreamed he would be.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

But…you never got the chance to ask what happened or for him to give you a proper explanation. By mid-afternoon of the day he’d just left, you went over to his apartment and knocked on his door; there was no answer. You figured that he might not have been home, which was fair enough. You decided to just wait for him - he had to come home at some point. 

It just wasn’t that day. You didn’t hear him come or go, which just left you more curious than ever.

The day after brought about a new work week, and you knew, from your previous comings and goings that he worked a similar schedule to yours. And yet you still didn’t see him that week. Now you were just getting worried about him. In the few months you’d lived in the building, you’d seen him constantly; it wasn’t like him to just up and disappear. If nothing you figured he might have told you that he was leaving or going to be gone. 

It wasn’t until about three weeks later that you’d caught sight of him again. You experienced an odd combination of relief and annoyance when you caught him getting back into his apartment as you came home from dinner with some friends.

“Peter?” your soft voice caught him off guard and he tensed up immediately. He was so lost in his own thoughts that even his heightened senses didn’t detect you. He exhaled shakily as he turned around to face you. You looked so torn at seeing him again, “you’re here. You’re okay…”

“Yeah,” he nodded and cleared his throat. He seemed so different from the man you’d seen last time. He looked more tired too, his hair shaggier and stubble littered his face, “listen-”

“Where did you go?” he could hear the hurt in your voice and it broke his heart, “t-that morning…you were just gone. And then you were gone for weeks. I got so worried…”

He knew this was coming; that’s why he’d spent the last couple of weeks actively avoiding you. Peter hadn’t been gone - he’d just relied on Spider-Man prowess to be able to get into his apartment unseen. He’d spent more nights than he cared to admit sitting near his door and tuning in to you. He just…couldn’t bring himself to face you.

“I’m fine,” but he most definitely wasn’t, “I’m sorry about that night, okay? It shouldn’t have happened, but I’m fine. You’re fine. We can put it behind us and move on…”

“I…what do you mean?” your heart broke at his words and you wished the ground would open up and swallow you, “Peter - can we just talk about this?”

“I’m busy, I’m sorry,” he opened his door and stepped inside his apartment as you stared at him with teary eyes, “I’m sorry.”

He closed the door and locked it before you could say anything else. You stared at the door, processing what had just happened while tears pearled up and ran down your cheeks. How could he just play you off like that? Basically acting like nothing happened. This didn’t feel like Peter - not the Peter you’d come to know and, if you were being honest with yourself, love.

Peter leaned against the door sighing deeply to himself as he listened to your sniffles as you walked into your own apartment. He never wanted to hear you cry again, he especially never wanted to be the cause of your tears again. 

“Fuck,” he sighed to himself, “fuck.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You thought that things couldn’t get worse after Peter all but dumped you, as a friend and potential lover, but once again you had been wrong. 

Very wrong.

I’ve missed two periods wrong. You thought maybe the test was wrong, that the white plastic stick proclaiming pregnant was giving you a false positive. But the six other tests that said the same thing probably weren’t all wrong. 

“Fuck,” you tossed the test angrily into your trash can before doing the same thing with the rest of the tests. You couldn’t stand looking at them any longer, have them taunting you mercilessly, “fuck me.”

While it was real, it didn’t feel real real until you left the doctor’s office the following week. They had simply confirmed what you already knew deep down. You were eight weeks pregnant with Peter Parker’s baby. Talk about life throwing you for a loop. But, like without most things in life, except for what happened with Peter, you decided to be rational and figure it all out. 

You needed a plan - as long as you had a plan things would work out. 

You were at a good place in life and with your career that financially you’d be able to afford a baby. You had a spare room in your apartment that served as a makeshift office that could be a nursery. You had a few close friends and family members that would be able to support you throughout your pregnancy. Realistically, the biggest decision you had to make was whether or not you wanted to keep the baby. 

Would you be able to stand living across the hall from Peter while you had his kid? Would he even ask questions and put two and two together? Maybe you could look for a different apartment soon. There was much to think about and much to do, but as long as you made a plan and stuck to it, things would work out.

They had to work out…fuck, you hoped things worked out. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Three months later found you doing better than you’d thought. You’d decided to keep the baby but were still on the fence about moving. The more time that passed, the more you thought moving was the right idea. 

You’d tried to tell Peter as soon as you got confirmation of your pregnancy from the doctor. He might have hated you, but he still deserved to know. You wanted him to have the opportunity to choose whether or not he wanted to be in the kid’s life. Even if you didn’t get along, he deserved the choice. Part of you still wondered what had caused the sudden shift in his attitude towards you, but never found out. He avoided you like the plague and if he did see you for some reason he would give you a small hello or pretend that he didn’t see you. 

After all this time it still stung. And it was the only reason that he still didn’t know you were pregnant. The thing was, you wouldn’t be able to hide it much longer - but who knew if he would even notice. It almost felt like a weird, cruel joke at this point.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was a random Wednesday afternoon that you happened to have off, which led you to take advantage of the nearly empty laundry room. You were just finishing up your last load, putting it all in your basket when you heard someone walk in. The mountain of laundry was large and you didn’t bother looking to see who it was, “I’ll be out in just a second - sorry for hogging all the room!”

When you finally fished the last things out of the dryer, you turned around and found yourself face to face with none other than, “Peter.”

He looked like he’d just seen a ghost as he stared at you, soft honey brown eyes searching yours. Your heart raced, and you were surprised it didn’t burst through your ribcage. A slight look of confusion crossed his features and you caught the way his eyes looked over you before flicking down to your belly. You swallowed thickly, suddenly glad that you’d worn a pretty baggy old t-shirt; it hid the fact that you were definitely starting to show.

“Hey,” he choked out, raising his hand in a weak little wave. It was more than you’d gotten from him in some time, “h-how’re you?”

“I’m okay,” it wasn’t a total lie but it wasn’t the full truth either, “how are you?”

“Okay,” he admitted, and you wondered if it was a lie. He held up his hand and flailed it around, as if he was trying to magically conjure up the words he was looking for, “d-do you…I, umm…can we talk?”

“Not right now,” you felt your eyes welling up with tears as you  grabbed your basket and held it as best as you could in order to avoid resting it against your belly. How could he just so casually want to talk months later? He had all this time and now he was going to ask, “I’ve gotta go. I-I’ll see you around, Peter.”

You pushed past him, arm brushing against his and sending electric shivers shooting down your spine as he watched you go. He stared at you, finding himself unable to move or say anything else. He brought his hands to his face and groaned loudly; once again he’d managed to mess this up. But something had been…different about you today. Peter couldn’t quite place it yet, but there was something going on. And he was determined to find out - and beg for forgiveness if he had to. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

One of the many things that had come along with pregnancy were the lovely bouts of insomnia that popped every once in a while. Nothing you did - or didn’t - do seemed to help and it left you more restless than anything else. Some evenings you would bake, some nights you read, some nights you’d watch TV. But on this particular evening, you found yourself pacing around endlessly; instead of just walking around your apartment, you decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood. It seemed like a big of a crazy idea but the neighborhood and most of New York City was fairly safe and quiet these days, probably thanks to the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. 

You pulled on a pair of sweats and a thin zip up and headed outside, one earbud in with your true crime podcast of the moment in your ear. And for a while, nothing seemed out of place, and your suspicions weren’t raised.

Not until a red and blue blur passed in your peripheral and caused you to stop in your tracks. Out of nowhere Spider-Man appeared right in front of you, causing your eyes to widen. You pulled the earbud out and stuffed it into your pocket as you studied the man in front of you, “Spider-Man?”

“Last time I checked,” he responded cheekily, holding his arms out and pretending to study them with interest, “what are you doing out so late? It’s dangerous!”

“Umm,” the fact that he was talking to you like he knew you personally threw you off, “I was just going for a quick walk? I-is that not allowed anymore?”

“This late?!”

“I couldn’t sleep,” you shrugged lightly, unsure of why this seemed so important to him. Your hand had instinctively gone to your bump, and you stroked it gently, “and my back was hurting so I thought a walk would help?”

He tracked your movement and you were almost sure you heard him inhale sharply, “y-you’re pregnant?”

“Yeah,” you whispered with a small, fond smile, “this kid is very active and likes to be up at all times of the day and night. Makes it hard to keep a normal sleep schedule at times…I mean none of this is normal…but, you know what, I’m gonna shut up now because you definitely don’t need to hear about all of this.”

“What a-are you having?” his voice grew soft and you found yourself drawn into him. He was Spider-Man after all, he saved kids all the time, it shouldn’t have been a surprise that he cared.

“A girl…in about four months,” you told him excitedly, eyes lighting up with happiness, the white eyes of the suit narrowed as he studied you, a gentle silence falling over the two of you. You cleared your throat when he didn’t say anything, “I, ugh, I should get going. Maybe I will try and see if she’ll let me get some rest. She’s calmed down a little bit…since you showed. You must hold some kind of magic over her, she probably likes your voice.”

He stood there frozen, so you offered him a small wave before walking past him in order to loop around the block back to your building. It was quiet at first and you thought you were alone when you heard rapid footsteps coming after you, “wait! Please - wait.”

“Huh?” Spider-Man was there again and this time he took your hand and pulled you into a small walkway between buildings. He was breathing nervously, “are you okay? Do you need…something?”

He paused for a moment before raising a shaking hand to the back of his neck. You watched as he pulled the mask off slowly, revealing himself to you which caused you to gasp loudly as you stared at the man in front of you, “Peter?”

“H-hi,” he said meekly as you a hundred different emotions seemed to flash across your face, “I fucked up.”

“What is going on?” there were those overwhelming emotions again, bringing up those big, fat crocodile tears that rolled down your cheeks, “you’re Spider-Man? I…all this time? Why…I don’t understand.”

“She’s mine, isn’t she?” he asked, although both of you were well aware of the answer, “the other day, in the laundry room, I-I heard it - the two heartbeats but only saw you. It makes sense now…”

“Y-you left me,” was all you managed to get out before you were sniffling heavily and wiping at your eyes with the sleeve of your sweater, “I-I tried to tell you. Y-you just left and never told me why.”

“Sweetheart-”

“You broke my heart Peter,” you flinched out of his touch when he tried to reach for your hand; he hated the fact that he made you feel like that, “and you never even told me why.”

“Please, let me explain, I can-”

“No,” you shook your head fervently, as you took a step back, “no. I tried to talk to you so many times, and you just ignored me. I tried to tell you that I was pregnant but you just…shut me out.  It’s too late for that, Peter.”

“Don’t walk away,” he begged, his own eyes glistening with tears, “please.”

“Give me one good reason why,” you pushed back.

“I’m in love with you.”

“Don’t,” you held up your hand, shaking your head. Funny - you’d been wanting to hear those words for so long and now you heard them they felt wrong. The worst part of it all was that you needed him to be serious, “you don’t get to leave me for months and avoid me and just do this. That’s not fair, Peter.”

“I never meant to,” he insisted, groaning at himself, “I-I can explain, please-”

“No, Peter,” you took a step back, your own heart breaking all over again, “I’m not going to keep your daughter from you - if you want to be a part of her life. That wouldn’t be fair of me and I want her to have the opportunity to know her father and you to know your daughter. But us…we…I don’t know, Peter. I think it’s too late for that.”

“I understand why you hate me,” he insisted, trying his best to get to you to stay, “give me ten minutes, that’s all I’m asking for, to explain everything.”

You worried your bottom between your teeth, wanting to walk away but finding it impossible. After a few beats of tense silence you have him a singular nod, “ten minutes. That’s it.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The fact that you found yourself in Peter’s apartment again, after all these months, was oddly comforting. Everything felt and looked the same, which for some reason provided a weird sense of familiarity. You sat on the couch, grabbed the blanket off the back without thinking about it and curled up under it; the fact that you still did put a small smile on Peter's face.

“Go on then,” you raised an eyebrow, “talk.”

“I don’t even know where to start,” he sighed lightly, “it’ll be a mess but I want to get it all out there. I-I’m Spider-Man…obviously. I have been for a long time, and it’s not something people know for obvious reasons. There’s less than a handful of people that know who I am.”

“Oh,” you met his eyes and frowned slightly. Of course your first thoughts were worry about him getting hurt. But then it suddenly clicked, “all those times you got hurt…the bruises and scratches and - wow. It makes sense now.”

“Listen, sweetheart,” he rubbed a hand over his tired face, “the woman I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with…she knew. She found out, and she…she’s dead. She’s been for a long time now. I couldn’t save her - the reason she died was because of me. I got mad, angry…bitter and rageful. For so long, I was just so sad and angry all the time. It took years before I finally got it into my head that she - Gwen - wouldn’t want me to be like that. She would want me to be happy and move on with my life. So I did; I’ll never forget her or stop loving her.”

“Peter,” your eyes were welling up with tears as you watched him pace around the living room. You could tell that this was not easy for him, his own eyes glistening with unshed tears.

“I also made myself a promise that I would never get someone involved again. No one was going to know that I was Spider-Man,” he gave you a soft, sad smile, “if no one got close to me, they couldn’t get hurt, right? That was my logic - the less people knew about me, the fewer people I knew, the better. The last thing…the last thing I expected to do was to fall in love.”

The two of you looked at each other, both of you on the verge of having tears spill your cheeks. You opened and closed your mouth a few times as he crouched down in front of you. He reached up and gently touched your cheek, wiping away the tears you hadn’t even realized fell. You leaned into his touch as you looked at him with the softest eyes, “I never expected to feel anything close to that. But then I met you. And I just knew you were going to be trouble from the first day I met you.”

“Good trouble?” you asked softly and he nodded.

“The best trouble,” he agreed, “and you made it so easy, and I stopped worrying about the consequences. It didn’t matter anymore…and then that night, when we had sex, I just…I realized that I did - do - love you. And I panicked, I panicked and ran away like a coward.”

“You did,” you agreed softly, “you didn’t even leave a note. I thought…I thought you regretted it and that you thought it was a mistake.”

“I can understand why you thought that,” he traced his fingers along your jaw, studying your features and refamiliarizing himself with them, “I didn’t think that at all. I just…all I could think about was you getting hurt. That someone would find out about you and they’d hurt you. And, in my very flawed logic, I thought that pushing you away was the best thing. If you hated me, you wouldn’t want to be around me, and then you’d be safe. That’s what I thought anyway.”

“I could never hate you,” you promised, wrapping your fingers around his wrist and gently taking his hand into yours, “never. Peter, you’re an idiot and a fool, but I can’t even be mad because your heart was in the right place. You didn’t go about it correctly but I get it.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, giving your hand a gentle squeeze, “that’s all I can say and hope that you can forgive me. I’m sorry that I’ve been such a dick that you’ve had to go through this on your own.”

“I know,” you swallowed thickly, “I tried to tell you, but…yeah. Listen, I’m going to keep her and I don’t want you to feel forced into being a part of her life. But if you want to be, I would never say no. Obviously, you know, I didn’t intend on having sex once and forgetting to use birth control and getting pregnant. It’s a mess really…but I couldn’t give her up.”

“I know I’ve been a dick and you don’t have to say yes, but I’d like to be involved,” his eyes grew nervous, “you’ve still got a while of being pregnant and I’d like to help however I can. It takes two to tango after all.”

“I’d like that,” you agreed and he felt his heart flutter happily, “Peter…I’m not saying things will just go back to how they were right away, but…I love you.”

“You…what?!”

“I love you,” you repeated with a small laugh and oh. He’d missed that beautiful sound so terribly much, “I have for a long time too. And if you…if you want to, I-I’m willing to work on things and try again?”

“Really?” 

“Really,” you grinned, “you know that old saying, don’t give up on something that could be great just because it’s not easy or whatever? I think that applies here. So, if you’re in, I’m in. But, Peter, my love, please just talk to me, okay? Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out, but we can’t do that if you shut me out.”

“I won’t,” he promised, bringing your hand to his lips and pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles, “I swear it. I want this -  you.”

“Good,” you leaned in and pressed a delicate kiss to his cheek, “I want you too, Spidey. We’ll figure it out.”

“We will,” he agreed softly, “do you…have any pictures of her o-or anything?”

“Of course,” you took his hand and placed it gently on the swell of your belly. You watched as his entire body relaxed and his face softened, “I’ve got plenty of sonogram pictures of the blob. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment in a few days, would you like to come with me?”

“Yeah,” he leaned in, hesitantly for a moment, and you repeated the action, pressing your forehead against his, “I’d love to.”

“Peter? Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Will you kiss me?” he laughed lightly as you beamed at him, “pretty please?”

“Yes,” he promised, “any time, sweetheart.”

#peter parker #peter parker x you #peter parker x reader #peter parker x fem!reader #tasm!peter #tasm!peter x reader #tasm!peter x you #tasm!peter parker x you #tasm!peter parker #tasm!peter parker x reader #andrew!peter #andrew!peter x you #andrew!peter x reader #andrew garfield #andrew garfield x you #andrew garfield x reader

[lurkingshan]

I Feel You Linger in the Air: Novel vs Drama 

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Happy IFYL special day! While I wait (not so) patiently for the special episode to become available for international viewers, I thought I would stop being lazy and get around to writing up my thoughts on the adaptation choices of the drama now that I’ve finally had a chance to read the original novel. 

First, let me just say: the novel is so fun. I’m so glad folks like @clairedaring and @pharawee talked about it on here and @waitmyturtles read it first and told me to jump on it, because I’ve had a really hard time with poorly translated y novels before and was definitely skeptical. But the story was excellent and the English translation was really solid, so a great time was had by all and I wasn’t even salty about spending eighteen American dollars on it. I didn’t think the novel was perfect (turtles can attest I had a few LOUD complaints) but it was a very enjoyable read. Shoutout to @bengiyo, @neuroticbookworm, and @wen-kexing-apologist as well for listening to me rant about Tee’s choices as I made my way through the novel. Bonus: if you have the chance to read this novel while vacationing in Thailand surrounded by plumeria trees and romantic scenery, I highly recommend. 

So, with that established, let’s talk about the adaptation! Adapting novels to a visual medium always comes with a lot of choices, and it’s not easy to make everything translate effectively. On the other hand, a live action drama can make some of what’s on the page feel even more vivid and new elements can be introduced that add to the canon. I’m on the record as both loving this show and feeling like there were some significant missteps in the writing, so I really wanted to understand the source material and how some of those choices were made. So here’s your spoiler alert for IFYL’s adaptation: it’s a real mixed bag of choices from our dear frenemy Tee Bundit, and all in service of one clear goal. 

I Feel You Linger in the Air, but Make It Sadder!

I’m going to break down the details below, but this is the TL; DR right here. Every choice Tee made in this adaptation was in service of transforming a relatively light and often comedic time travel romp into a story of deep melancholy and a thorough examination of queer pain. This is Tee’s whole schtick, so we can hardly be surprised; and yet I was kind of taken aback by how stark the difference in these stories felt even as a lot of the plot stayed the same. During the drama’s airing @respectthepetty talked about how this show was just too damn sad for her, and I gotta say, she was definitely picking up what Tee was putting down. YMMV on how sad you like your romance, but Tee Bundit is a very sad boy indeed.

Jom

gif by @junghaesin

Let’s start here, because this is definitely my biggest grievance with Tee: he removed most of Jom’s personality from the book in order to give us a flatter, sadder version of him that fit better with a much more melancholy vision for this story. As it turns out, Jom was originally written to be smart, sassy, and very funny (h/t to @stuffnonsenseandotherthings whose post on this really got me interested in reading to see the difference). Novel Jom is a smartass who never misses the opportunity to work in a salty comment or express his frustration when things aren’t going his way, and he’s such an active character. He does not just sit back and let things happen to him; he thinks and he struggles and he tries. By comparison, show Jom just feels… vaguely confused, mildly depressed, and wildly passive most of the time. This is by no means a knock on Nonkul, who is a fantastic performer—these are clearly writing and directing choices and he is interpreting the character as instructed.

And it’s not just the removal of his core personality, either. Jom in the book has emotional intelligence and a stronger sense of connection to others. For one, he actually cares that Eung Phueng is his sister! Throughout the book, we see him dedicate time and energy to finding ways to care for his sister despite their different social stations; this dynamic is completely absent from the show, where Jom doesn’t even seem to remember Eung Phueng has his sister’s face most of the time. This was a major hole in the show and I still don’t really understand why Tee dropped the ball on it when there was so much material to drawn from in the book.

Winner: The novel, hands down. If you take nothing else away from this post, please take it as a recommendation to read the novel so you can experience Real Jom in all his sassy glory.

The Mythology 

gif by @chickenstrangers

Now, I can’t really claim that either the novel or the show does a fantastic job with the mythology, because there’s a lot of hand waving in either case and some definite plot holes. But I will give the book credit for being upfront from the start: it didn’t really intend to explain it beyond giving us a little preamble about wormholes (yes, wormholes!) and for having Jom actually notice and care (and get very amusingly frustrated) that he didn’t understand what the wormhole wanted him to do or how to control it. He actually tried quite a lot in the book to figure it out, rather than just sitting around gazing morosely into the distance. In the end, the book tells us that Yai vowed to love Jom at first sight in every lifetime, which is a vow he made after the wormhole brought Jom to him but somehow affects the times that had already happened from our perspective. It’s a paradox that doesn’t fully make sense, but it is at least an explanation.

The show, by contrast, intentionally added layers to this mystery that it had no intention of resolving. The drawings opening up connections to the present, the ghostly visages haunting the characters, the glimpses of Jom in the future doing things we never saw in the original timeline, Mustache Yai kissing Jom in the water—all show inventions, and all setting up an expectation that some sense would be made of these clues. Which of course, never happened. Instead, these things were used to contribute to the spooky scary vibe and make everything feel sadder, and the show offered no explanation at all for why any of this happened.

Winner: It’s a draw since neither really did it well, but I’m staying salty with Tee for fucking with me.

Family Drama 

gif by @thii-nii

Here is where we get into some of the stuff Tee added to the story that actually worked pretty well. One very smart adaptation choice: he made Yai and Eung Phueng siblings so that Yai would have a reason to be more involved in their household and able to interact much more with Jom in the early parts of the story; in the novel there is no connection between the households and Yai and Jom barely interact for the first several months after Jom arrives in the past. He also added a lot of family drama in the back half of the show: the struggles with Yai’s father, the shady uncle, the plot to force Yai to marry, and the big confrontation over Robert’s misdeeds are all show inventions, likely added both to pad out the story and make the relationship harder and sadder, and because he was looking for an alternate source of conflict since he was not doing Part 2 of the book (which takes place once Jom is yanked away again and shot back to the Commander Yai time period). 

Another major change from the novel to the show: in the novel, Yai’s plans to go study abroad were already set before Jom even got there, not something he won as a consolation in a negotiation over marriage. Which has some implications I’ll get into in the next section.

Winner: The drama, where the family dynamics were much more thoroughly explored. 

The Romance 

gif by @loveisactivated

As I mentioned above, Tee made a smart choice in bringing Yai more firmly into Jom’s orbit early in the story, but unfortunately, he didn’t do much with that advantage and actually failed to use some of what the novel gave him to work with. In the novel, Jom is much more aware of the attraction between him and Yai, very attuned to Yai’s flirting and their age gap, very aware of his own growing attachment to Yai, and thinking through the implications of all of it as it grows, which is a more natural and believable build up to their romance than in the show, where Jom seems distracted and unaware of Yai’s affections until they suddenly start jumping each other. That lack of romantic development in the show (which we discussed even as it was airing) was not because the material was not there for Tee to use in the book; he simply had other priorities and neglected to build it properly in show time.

That said, I have to give major credit to Tee for how he handled the romance once our leads were together and intimately involved. First, he really brought some of the scenes that were in the book to life in a way that still has me shook, like Yai’s drunken poetry recitation (credit must also be given to Bright for his eye work in that and many other scenes, what a stunner). And on top of that, the drama has some of the best physical intimacy scenes I have ever seen in any drama, full stop, and that is nearly all Tee and his creative team. He used elements from a few scenes in the book, but he remixed and amplified them to be a lot more powerful, and certainly much more artful and sensual than the sex scenes in the book. That olive oil masturbation scene? The show gets full credit, and the way the direction, editing, and performances so vividly painted their attraction to each other still gives me shivers when I think about it.

But anyway, back to bitching about Tee: one of the scenes that really stuck out for me like a sore thumb in the romance arc in the show was when Yai learns he will be going abroad and he and Jom discuss it in a curiously flat and emotionless way, with Yai acting like it’s no big deal for them to be separated for three years. I mentioned above that this was a change from the book: in the novel Yai was already set to go abroad before he ever met Jom, it was not a new surprise that came about after they were together. They discuss Yai’s impending departure twice in the book; once when Jom is still only Yai’s majordomo, and then once again when they are lovers. As you can imagine, the emotional tenor of these two scenes are quite different. And Tee used the wrong one for the show! I almost threw the book at the wall when I realized I was reading the verbatim dialogue from that scene in the show in the context of Yai and Jom hardly knowing each other yet, and then again when I got to the second conversation that was actually appropriate for two lovers who do not want to be parted. That has to be one of the most senseless adaptation mistakes I have ever seen. Tee Bundit, what is wrong with you!!

Lastly for this section, I will just note that the very long, drawn out goodbyes between Yai and Jom are also a show invention. In the book, Jom gets yanked to the next time period with no warning shortly after they get together and begins his next adventure with another Yai. Since Tee was ending the show here in this time period, he went in a different direction, having Jom and Yai much more aware of Jom fading and anticipating a separation so that he could (say it with me) make everything sadder. His choice to wallow for two entire episodes in sorrow and melancholy and to put much heavier focus on Yai’s despair was entirely his own, and so very on brand.  

Winner: It’s a draw. The book definitely writes the romantic arc more holistically and doesn’t have any of the missteps the drama does, but the show is so artful and the parts it gets right are so good I will remember them for the rest of my life. And I can’t pretend I’m not an angst monster at heart, so Tee’s sad af vision totally worked on me.

Sides and Queer Community

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Here is where Tee’s adaptation really shines, and I know others have discussed these changes before so I won’t go too deep on the details. But I absolutely have to give Tee props for taking tiny threads for these side characters in the books and building them into whole people that we actually care about. Especially in the case of Ming and Fong Kaew, Tee really made something of their extremely thin book stories to turn them into fan favorite characters with real growth arcs. I do think the book was better in the way it handled the fated connection between Fong Kaew and Khamsaen, but everything else about Fong Kaew’s story was deepened by the show. And Tee gets credit for adding so many meaningful stories for women characters in the first place, let alone developing a lesbian romance for Eung Pueng and Maey. He picked up on a tiny bit of subtext for underdeveloped characters in the book and ran with it, and it really enhanced the story. 

He also used side characters as a means to make this story feel all around more queer, not only by including additional queer romances but by building out a real sense of community and solidarity among the queer characters. Not only the addition of nods to real queer history, but the speakeasy, James’s explicit queerness, and Nuey the Green Queen are all Tee additions to the canon that really enhanced the story.

Winner: The drama and it’s not close. Well done, Tee!

That Ending

gif by @dragonsareawesome123

One of my biggest interests in reading the novel was seeing how the ending with modern Yai is explained in the original source material, because I found the drama version of that scene so lacking. Well, it turns out, the novel did pretty much the same thing! The ending sequence of the book is even shorter than the scene in the show and similarly offers zero explanation for this new version of Yai or how he knows Jom before they jump each other and the story concludes. The main narrative ends there and the book then tacks on an epilogue explaining who this new Yai is, and it reads like an afterthought. Honestly, it felt to me like the writer ran out of steam and just didn’t bother to finish the story, and Tee did exactly the same thing. Which is kind of infuriating, because being able to fix stuff like that is one of the best things about a good adaptation. 

Winner: Absolutely no one, my kingdom for a proper ending to this story.

gif by @pharawee

So, my conclusions? 1) Tee Bundit is the saddest creator in Thai bl, hands down; 2) It’s a draw between which version of this story is better. The novel and drama both have different strengths and significant flaws, but both versions are compelling and had me on the edge of my seat. I highly recommend the book to anyone who is missing the show and wants another chance to revisit these characters, plus the added bonus of seeing Jom wrangle Commander Yai, something we are unlikely to ever see on our screens (though hope springs eternal besties!). If you do decide to give it a read, come talk to me about it! 

#i feel you linger in the air #ifylita #shoutout also to all the excellent giffers for this show #the tumblr gif search is hopelessly broken but i wanted y’all’s beautiful work in this post anyway #thai bl #shan shouts into the void

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Memoriam | Spencer Reid

Add yourself to my taglist! | Here’s my masterlist!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: depictions of abuse, pedophilia, talk of murder, panic attacks...

Author's note: This is a rewrite of S04E07 Memoriam because I'd had this idea of reader/OC being Spencer's best friend from Las Vegas and that they'd grown up together and were geniuses together, so when I saw this episode, it kind fit...

Words: 13,947

“Detective Y/L/N,” the captain of the North Las Vegas Police Department approached the Y/H/C woman at her desk. The woman swiveled in her chair, looking up at the man she called her boss. “Can you get the file of that petty arson on my desk by noon?” 

“Sure thing, boss,” she nodded and swiveled back, returning to the very file she was just finishing up. 

Y/N Y/L/N was the youngest detective at the Las Vegas Police Department. At just 22 years old, the girl had joined the department with three doctorates on her name and a BA in Sociology. Now, at 27 years of age, she was the most trusted, the most vetted detective in the department. Her co-workers trusted her more than anyone, all except Detective Hyde. 

The man had known her since she was just a little girl. She was best friends with the son of one of his best friends. Maybe he didn’t like her because he still thought of her as the little girl she used to be. Or maybe he didn’t like her because she was a girl.

Just as she began focusing on her file again, a voice she knew all-too-well snapped her back out of that focus. 

“Hi. I’m Special Agent Spencer Reid with the FBI,” the voice sounded. 

Y/N turned around in the span of a nanosecond, her eyes locking on the source of said sound. There he was. Tall and beautiful as ever. The boy she had grown up with. Her non-biological-twin. Her best friend. 

Slowly, she got up and approached the man she hadn’t seen in a couple of years. He was talking to one of her co-workers, but quickly got distracted when she spoke up. “Dr. Spencer Reid, as I live and breathe.” 

His eyes snapped up, surprise and amazement written all over his face as he saw her. “Detective Y/N Y/L/N,” he scoffed in surprise. “Wow, it’s been–” 

“Six years and forty-five days?” she cut him off with the exact number of years and days she had gone without seeing him. “Not that I’m counting, or anything.” She let out a small chuckle as he did the same. 

Y/N Y/L/N and Spencer Reid had met when they were still in nappies. Their mothers had become fast friends when they were in labor together and gave birth to their kids on the exact same day, at the exact same time. Ever since that day, the two women have been inseparable, as did their kids. Both of them grew up to be geniuses with IQ’s through the roof. They went to school together, graduated high school at twelve years old and went on to graduate from the academy together. 

While both of them applied for the Behavioral Analysis Unit at the FBI, only one of them got hired while the other settled for a life in Vegas with the Police Department there. 

“Wh-what are you doing here?” she then asked when he didn’t move or say anything. 

Spencer seemingly snapped out of a daze as he made a beeline for his oldest friend. “Do you remember Riley Jenkins?” he asked. 

“Wasn’t he your imaginary friend?” she asked, but he quickly shook his head. 

“That’s what I thought, but he actually existed. Can you maybe get everything the LVPD has on the 1984 murder of Riley?” 

Y/N’s eyes widened. “He was murdered?” 

“Yeah… And I think I know who might’ve done it.” 

With a nod of her head, Y/N got to work. She researched every inch of the department until she finally came up with the files from the case in a cardboard box, along with Detective Hyde, who apparently worked the case. 

“That was a rough one,” he sighed as he set the box down on Y/N’s desk. 

“Did you work the case?” Spencer asked while his best friend started looking through some of the files. Memories flashed before her eyes from the time she went to Spencer’s little leagues games and practices. 

“Yeah,” Detective Hyde replied. “I was three of four blocks away when the call came in on the radio. My first kid. You don’t forget those.” 

Y/N looked up to notice Spencer’s sad expression, telling her he’d had his own ‘first kid’ at some point in his career. 

Instead of pressing further on the sentiment, Spencer continued by asking another question. “Let me ask you this, were there any suspects?” 

Something told Y/N he was fishing for a specific answer, something he hadn’t told her yet. 

“We looked at the family initially. The dad, older brother,” Hyde explained. 

“Makes sense. The boy was found in his own basement, right?” Spencer asked. 

Hyde sighed. “Yeah. After a while the family got defensive, stopped cooperating…” 

“Like the JonBenét case?” Y/N chimed in as the thought popped into her head. 

The older man nodded his head in agreement. “I never liked them for it anyway,” he added. “I always figured it was somebody outside the home.” That seemed to elicit some kind of emotion from Spencer, though Y/N couldn’t decipher what it was just yet. 

“What’s the Bureau’s interest in the case?” Y/N then asked. 

Spencer’s eyes flitted to hers before focusing on the box in front of him. “Uh, research.” There was something he wasn’t telling them. Something important. He wasn’t here with the FBI, Y/N figured quickly. He was here of his own volition. 

“Is this everything?” he then asked, diverting the subject. 

“There might be another box down in Records,” Hyde responded, his confused eyes darting from the young agent to the young detective. 

Spencer nodded his head. “I’d like to see it all, if you don’t mind.” 

Nodding his head, Hyde left the two young adults alone to go and get the files they requested. As soon as the man was out of earshot, Y/N turned to the man she once knew as a kid. “What are you hiding from me, Dr. Reid?” she asked in a soft whisper. 

Spencer didn’t answer and opened one of the files, showing a picture of the young boy to Y/N. “Don’t you remember him?” he asked. The kid in the picture gave the camera a soft smile. He was wearing a red Rovers T-Shirt and a red cap that hid his brown curls. 

“From your little leagues games,” she stated as she grabbed the picture. “He was a little older than us, wasn’t he?” 

Humming, Spencer nodded his head. “Yeah, he was six. Dad was his coach. He figured playing ball would make me normal.” 

“But you aren’t normal,” Y/N said with a soft smile. “You’re extraordinary.” She tucked a strand of his hair that had fallen on his forehead behind his ear, but then quickly pulled away when she realized what she had done. 

Spencer’s smile mirrored hers and he opened his mouth to say something, but Detecitve Hyde returned with the rest of the files, stopping the twenty-seven year old from doing so. Instead, he grabbed the files from Hyde, placed them inside the box in front of him and shut it before picking it up. 

“It was nice seeing you again, Y/N/N,” he said with a smile and turned. 

It hurt watching him walk away yet again. It had hurt not seeing or hearing from him for almost seven years. Having him here, close to her, felt right. Watching him walk into the precinct felt like a weight had lifted off her shoulders. 

“Wait!” she called, stopping him in his tracks. “You need any help?” 

Spencer turned back around and shook his head slightly. “No, that’s okay.” 

As he turned back around, Y/N sighed and rushed forward, stepping in front of him so he couldn’t move. “You’re really just gonna walk out here and not talk to me again for the next seven years? Because that’s not something I can handle. I can tell you’re stressed. I can tell something’s bugging you about this case and I wanna help. I’m your best friend, Spence.” The entire time she talked, she looked at him, trying to gauge any reaction from his face. “And I don’t know if you remember, but I did also almost get into the BAU if another genius hadn’t rightfully taken the spot instead.” 

Spencer sighed. “Y/N/N…” 

“Don’t ‘Y/N/N’ me, Spence. I wanna help. So let me help.” 

Another sigh elicited from the boy in front of her. “Fine. When do you get off?” 

“Now,” she smiled, lying through her teeth. “Lemme get changed and I’ll join you, yeah?”

With a nod of approval from her best friend, Y/N went back to her desk and grabbed the finished file from her desk, dropping it off at the captain’s desk before making it into the locker room where she quickly changed into jeans and a top. 

The two of them headed down to Fountainview, the hotel Spencer was staying at. The whole car ride down there, the two friends filled one another in on their lives. It was a pleasant conversation as though no time had passed. Spencer was still the one person she would feel safest with. He’d been her solace for the past twenty-seven years. Seven years apart didn’t change that. 

“And then I just kicked him in the balls and left the club,” Y/N finished her story with a giggle as she and Spencer walked down the hallway on the fourth floor to his room. “It was–” she cut herself off when she heard a sound coming from the door they’d just stopped at. Judging from the look Spencer gave her, this was not supposed to be happening. 

Slowly but surely, Spencer unlocked the door and walked in first, Y/N following closely behind, just in case she’d have to protect him. Inside the room, the tv was playing reruns of some sort of soap opera Y/N didn’t know the name of, and in front of said tv were two men, both older than Spencer and herself. One of them had to be in his mid-thirties while the other seemed a good twenty years older than them. 

“What are you guys doing here?” Spencer asked, telling Y/N that he did know them. 

“Hey,” the younger one greeted as Y/N and Spencer both moved further into the room. “What’s it look like we’re doing?” he asked, pointing at the tv. 

Spencer moved to set down the box of files on the high stool next to him. “Breaking into my room and watching Days of Our Lives?” 

“Young and the Restless,” the older man corrected before turning the tv off. 

As Spencer put his messenger bag down, the two men looked up at the younger adults in the room. “Aren’t you supposed to be on a plane back to D.C.?” Spencer asked. 

“And you’re supposed to be hanging out with your mom,” the older said before his eyes darted over to Y/N. “And I don’t think that’s your mom…” 

Spencer looked back at Y/N, who gave the guys a shy wave. “That’s Detective Y/N Y/L/N. She’s my childhood best friend, we went to school together.” 

“Didn’t you graduate at age twelve?” the younger one of the men asked. 

With a grin, Y/N replied, “So did I.” 

“Y/N/N, these are Derek Morgan and David Rossi, my co-workers,” Spencer quickly introduced them, pointing at each of them as he said their respective names. 

“Nice to meet you, agents,” Y/N said politely, smiling. 

Derek smiled back at Y/N, “You too, sweetheart.” The man had a flirty demeanor about him. The way he said the words, the way he looked at her, … All of it just told her that she shouldn’t take the words to heart. It was just how he was. 

Then, Derek’s eyes moved over to the box on the chair to which he pointed. “Riley Jenkins?” he asked. 

Spencer sniffled before stuffing his hands in his pockets, something he did to keep himself from fidgeting too much, Y/N knew. “Uh, no. That’s not… That’s actually not why I’m here. I–” 

“He wanted to see me,” Y/N chimed in, noticing how the man was trying to talk himself out of it. 

Whatever this Riley Jenkins case was to him, his co-workers couldn’t know. 

Derek’s eyes flitted from Y/N to Spencer and back. “You don’t have to lie for him, sweetheart.” 

“She’s not lying. That-that’s why I’m–” 

“Reid,” Derek quickly interrupted as he placed his soda can down on the table between him and David. “Come on, man, who do you think you’re talking to?” He got up from the chair and approached Spencer and Y/N. “I know what this has been doing to you.” 

David was next to get up from his spot. “Let us help,” he said. 

Y/N couldn’t help but smile. His co-workers only wanted what was best for him, she could tell. The fact that they stayed behind in Las Vegas, knowing their co-worker needed their help, was very telling to her. 

“Maybe together we can find out who killed him,” David added. 

“I think I might already know,” Spencer responded with a fearful tremor in his voice that only Y/N caught onto. Her eyebrows furrowed the more she heard him talk about it and the more she watched him and his behavior. 

“So, tell us about the suspect,” Derek encouraged. 

Y/N watched his shoulder tense ever so slightly. “The truth is, I don’t know anything about him.” 

The puzzle pieces clicked in Y/N’s mind. His sudden interest in the case, the lie about the bureau’s interest in the case, the tension in his shoulders… She knew everything about Spencer’s life and the one thing neither of them knew very much about was the reason why he was doing this in the first place. “Your dad…” Y/N whispered. 

The agents exchanged some glances before Spencer started unloading the case files from the box and spreading them out on the bed with Y/N helping him out. 

“Before we go down this road, you need to be sure,” David pointed out, worry evident in his voice. 

“He’s right,” Derek chimed in. “Some rocks don’t need looking under.” 

Y/N looked up at Spencer as he sighed. “My mind is sending me signals. I can’t ignore them any more.” 

“Mixed signals,” Y/N muttered, capturing everyone’s attention. “That’s what the subconscious is all about, you know that better than anyone, Spence.” 

Nodding, Derek continued, “Reid, your dad left you.” Y/N noticed Spencer’s shoulders tensing ever so slightly. “You take it to the Freudian extreme, you could say that he killed your childhood.” 

Y/N’s heart broke a little at the memory of Spencer’s dad leaving. Though he never really talked about it with her, she knew how much it had hurt. She was there for it all. She was there to pick up the pieces of his broken heart and glue them back together in any way she could. 

“It could explain a dream in which you see him as a murderer,” David noted. 

Spencer shook his head. “I’ve come this far, I’m not going back.” 

His two co-workers exchanged glances once more before the four of them got to work. As each of them grabbed a file to look over, they gathered in the living area to go over the case together. While Spencer and David occupied each of the lounge chairs, Derek paced the length between it and Y/N was perched on the armrest of the chair Spencer was sitting on. 

“Riley was six at the time. His father, Lou Jenkins, was supposed to pick him up from T-ball practice at four, but he got delayed at work, prompting Riley to walk the three blocks home,” Spencer started to explain the case. 

Y/N nodded her head, already pretty familiar with the case. “When his mother got home in the early evening, she found him dead in the basement,” she continued. 

“So the offender came to the house after the boy arrived home,” Rossi noted, his eyes flicking up to the younger agent and his best friend. 

“Or picked him up on the way there,” Spencer offered his two cents. 

Derek stopped pacing for a moment as he spoke up. “Coaxes Riley into the basement, where he sexually assaults him.” 

A shiver ran down Y/N’s back as she thought of the boy she once knew. 

“The boy’s mouth was taped shut,” David read from his file. 

“Symbolic,” Y/N answered. “The perp fears Riley will talk, panics, weighs his options, …” 

“Decides to make certain that he’ll never talk,” Derek finished her thought before sitting down on one of the chairs to her right. 

David then continued, “He finds a knife in the fishing gear under the stairs, stabs Riley nine times in the chest. Stuffs him behind the washing machine.” The older man closed the file with a sigh. 

“So, the UnSub’s a white male in his late twenties to early thirties,” Spencer pondered. 

Y/N turned to him for a moment. “UnSub?” 

“Unknown Subject,” he quickly whispered, reminding her of the theory they had seen when they were in the academy together. Having not used the term in over seven years, a girl can sometimes forget. Unlike Spencer, she didn’t have an eidetic memory. 

“So that means we’re looking for someone in his fifties,” David spitballed. 

“And he likely knew the boy, maybe even been to his house,” Derek went on. 

“Neighbor,” David finished, having Derek nod his head in agreement. 

Finding her best friend a little too quiet for his own good, Y/N looked down to find him looking at a map of North Las Vegas. It was clear his brain was picking up on something but the thought hadn’t quite finished processing yet. 

“Spence?” she asked, capturing his attention. “What is it?” 

“My family lived less than a half mile from the Jenkinses,” he said, then pointed at a house a couple squares away from his. “And so did yours.” 

“Do you think your dad knew the boy?” Rossi questioned, brows furrowed before he glanced over to Y/N. “What about yours?” 

The girl shook her head. “Mine’s been dead since before I was born. Died in combat while my mother was pregnant with me.” 

“I don’t know,” Spencer then answered his co-worker’s question. “My memory is…” he rubbed his eye in frustration. “The lack of recall just reinforces how little I knew about him.” 

A sigh heaved Derek’s chest as he turned to his youngest colleague. “Reid, we’re gonna have to track him down. You do know that.” 

“We should talk to my mother first, neighbors, get their impressions,” Spencer suggested instead, clearly not ready for a reunion with his father just yet. Noticing the tension in his shoulders, Y/N placed her hand on his shoulder, squeezing ever so slightly to let him know she was there for him. 

“Reid, I don’t need to tell you that this signature was need-based and sexual in nature,” Rossi sounded almost reassuring. “The man we’re looking for is a pedophile.” Spencer’s jaw tensed. “So, I’ll ask you again, are you sure you want to go down this road?” 

Derek and Y/N glanced over to Spencer before the guy got up with slight hesitation in his movements. “I’m gonna talk to my mother first.” He turned to the Y/H/C girl next to him. “You wanna come?” 

Nodding her head, Y/N followed behind Spencer as the two of them made their way to the sanitarium where his mother was a patient. Y/N had been there a few times to visit Diana without Spencer knowing. After all, she’d been the one to push Spencer to send his mother there when they were eighteen. 

“Oh, Y/N/N!” Diana greeted in excitement, seemingly happier to see the girl than her own son. “I’m so happy to see you again. Did you read the book I gave you last time?” 

Spencer turned his head towards his best friend in confusion. “Last time?” he asked. 

Decidedly ignoring him, Y/N nodded her head in response to Diana’s question. “I did. I absolutely loved it. Just like you told me I would,” she told her with a soft smile, placing a hand on her arm. “Hey, how about a game of scrabble, huh?” She motioned to the board game in front of them. 

Diana offered her a smile as the three of them started playing. The young woman could feel her best friend shifting in his seat, his brain whirring at thousands of miles per hour. He was spiraling, anxious to ask his questions. 

“Mom…” he then finally started as Y/N was placing her letters on the board to form a word. “Can I ask you some questions about Dad? I’m having trouble remembering.” 

“Quixotry,” Diana read Y/N’s word. “That’s a great word, Y/N/N.” The woman beamed at the girl before turning to her son. “What do you wanna know?” She was now focused on her turn, trying to find a good word. 

“Did he like to be around children?” Spencer asked carefully. 

Diana looked up from the board. “Children? Well, yes.” She returned her gaze to the game a little too quickly. Something was telling Y/N that the woman she had called her second mom was hiding something. “If it were up to him, you’d have a house full of brothers and sisters.” 

“You didn’t want more kids?” Y/N then asked, genuinely interested. 

With a proud smile, Diana looked from the girl to her son. “Why mess with perfection?” She winked at Y/N with a smirk on her face. The young woman looked up at her best friend, who was gazing at his mother in admiration. 

“Yeah, it was pretty perfect on the first go,” Y/N agreed. Her admission caused Spencer to tear his eyes away from his mother to land on her instead. The sparkle in his eyes still remained the same, even after seven years. Even after all these years, she still had to deny the butterflies in her stomach she got whenever he looked at her like that. 

Shaking himself away from his thoughts, Spencer turned back to his mother. “What about other people’s children? How was he around them?” 

“He was good with kids, I guess,” Diana responded. “He coached your Little League team.” 

Y/N nodded her head. “I remember that, always trying to put him into normal activities.” 

“I tried to tell him you’re not normal, you were exceptional,” Diana added to this, smiling up at her son. It was nice to hear the words she thought of Spencer come from his own mother. Though Spencer himself wasn’t really hearing it. 

“Let me ask you this, Mom,” he said, shifting in his chair and pushing his hair back. “Did you ever get the feeling like, on his part, the marriage was just for show?” 

“Spence,” Y/N hissed, wanting to keep him from hurting his own mother’s feelings. 

However, Diana wasn’t too phased about the question. “These questions are very strange, Spencer. What is this about?” she asked instead. 

“It’s about Riley Jenkins,” he said, almost tearfully. 

“Riley Jenkins?” Diana asked. “I told you he was someone you made up.” 

“He’s not, though, Diana,” Y/N told her softly, reaching for her hand. The woman looked at her with confusion in her eyes, begging her to explain what was going on. 

“He was a real boy who lived in our neighborhood, and somebody killed him, and…” Spencer continued as his mother looked at him, allowing the words to simmer in her mind. “I don’t know, I think that Dad might have had something to do with it.” 

Diana’s grip on Y/N’s hand tightened. “He was real?” 

“Yeah,” Y/N answered in a whisper, squeezing right back. “He was on that Little League team, too. With Spence. I-I remember going to the games and the practices with my mom to cheer him on.” 

Y/N could hear Spencer sniffle, so with the hand she wasn’t holding Diana’s, she reached out for Spencer’s, holding both Reid’s hands tightly. There was nothing else they were going to get out of Diana and Y/N knew that. So, after a few moments of holding mother and son, Y/N let their hands go. 

“We’ll let you get some rest, mama,” she told Diana with a soft smile before turning to Spencer, urging him to get up, too. “We’ll be back to visit soon, okay?” She kissed the woman’s cheek before taking a few steps back to let Spencer say goodbye to his mother. Once he did, the two of them fell into step together. 

“You visit her?” he asked when they were outside.

Y/N shrugged. “One of us has to,” she simply replied before getting in the car again. 

After informing the two other agents of the information they got from Diana, Derek, Spencer and Y/N headed into town to find Lou Jenkins, Riley’s father. They explained everything to Lou about their theory of William Reid being the one who killed his son. 

“It’s just a theory, Mr. Jenkins,” Spencer reassured him. 

The man threw something in the back of his truck, Y/N couldn’t see what it was, before he turned to the agents and detective. “You must be out of your damn minds,” he said. 

“We’re just trying to get some new facts,” Y/N stated. 

Lou turned to the Y/H/C, trying to appear intimidating towards her, but none of that ever worked on Y/N. Unlike Spencer, Y/N had actually grown a spine to stand up against bullies and men who tried to overpower her. 

“Well, you’re hell and gone from facts if you think Will Reid killed my son,” he said, nearly spitting in the girl’s face. Derek placed a hand on the man’s shoulder, pushing him back from Y/N. 

“So, you were friends?” Spencer asked instead. 

Glancing between the agents and detective, Lou recoiled a little. “Who the hell are you to come here asking this?” 

“I’m his son,” Spencer answered, stopping the man dead in his tracks. Lou looked at the young man in front of him. 

“Spencer?” he asked and the boy she once knew made a reappearance with the expression on his face. “Spencer, a G-man.” He then turned to Y/N. “And the Y/H/C never too far from ya, hey?” A blush fanned across Y/N’s cheeks. She had always been Spencer’s shadow to everyone else but to Spencer and their moms. “I still don’t understand.” 

“Was William around your house often?” Derek questioned. 

“Yeah, the occasional barbecue, that sort of thing.”

“Was Riley around on those occasions?” Y/N continued. 

Lou’s eyes flitted from the girl to the two men flanking her. “Why are you doing this?” 

“I need to know,” Spencer replied and pressed his lips together. 

Noticing the tension in his shoulders returning, Y/N reached for the balled-up fist on his side and unfurled his fingers, placing her palm against his and intertwining their fingers. It was something she used to do whenever he was panicking about something in school or when the bullies would get to him again. 

He visibly relaxed as she hid their intertwined hands behind her back. 

“Take it from someone who does know. He was a good man,” Lou reassured them, but something about the way he said it struck Y/N. Neither of the agents noticed it as Derek turned and patted Spencer on the stomach, his arm grazing Y/N’s chest as she stood between the two men. 

“Thanks for your time,” Derek said as he walked away. 

Y/N began to let go of Spencer’s hand to follow behind Derek when Spencer’s grip on her tightened as he stayed put. “Where is he these days?” he asked Lou. “My dad?” 

“It’s been years, but he’s probably still at that same firm in Summerlin,” Lou answered. 

Spencer’s grip loosened on Y/N’s hand as he slumped. “He’s been in town this whole time?” Her heart broke at the sight of him. Once again, Spencer’s dad broke the boy’s heart and Y/N was there to pick up the pieces. 

That was never going to end, was it? 

“As far as I know,” Lou replied before Spencer let go of Y/N and turned on his heel. 

Y/N shot one last smile at Lou before falling into step with the two agents. 

“You know Summerlin?” Derek asked both of them. 

“Yeah, it’s like nine miles east of here,” Spencer replied. 

“Off the 95,” Y/N finished his sentence. 

“He was ten minutes away and he never let me know.” 

Rossi joined the three of them at the company William Reid worked at. As they entered what seemed to be the lobby of the law firm, Y/N started to look around to take in her surroundings. Before she could take anything in, an unfamiliar voice sounded. 

“Can I help you, gentleman?” The woman behind the desk got up and walked towards the front desk. One glance at the small board on her table told Y/N her name was Ms. Cahill. “And lady,” she added when her eyes fell on the Y/H/C. 

“Yeah,” Spencer replied and then fell silent. He inhaled a couple of times, opening his mouth to say anything, but nothing came out. 

“We’d like to speak with William Reid,” Y/N said in his place. 

“Is he expecting you?” Ms. Cahill asked. 

“I don’t think so,” Rossi said before flashing the woman his FBI badge. 

While the woman told them Will was in a meeting, Y/N’s eyes landed on Spencer. He was having difficulty breathing, like he was on the verge of a panic attack, something Y/N knew all-too-well. The boy used to have them all the time when they were kids and Y/N was always the one to help him out of it. 

“Are you okay?” Derek asked before Y/N could. 

Spencer nodded his head. “Yeah. No. Yeah, I’m going to go to the bathroom.” Before either of them could say anything, he sped off towards the bathroom, leaving Y/N with his co-workers. 

“I’ve never seen him like this,” Derek pointed out. 

A heavy sigh heaved Y/N’s chest. “I have,” she said. “Excuse me.” 

She pushed past Derek and followed Spencer to the bathroom, not even caring she was entering the boys’ bathroom. Her heart and mind were set out on helping her best friend. She didn’t care much about bathroom etiquette. 

“Spence?” she called out just before one of the stalls slowly opened. The man walked out of the cubicle, hands shaking and lip trembling. “Hey, you okay?” He simply shook his head before placing empty vials of something on the sink. Y/N reached for one, inspecting the label. Her heart sank. “Dilaudid, seriously, Spence?” Her voice contained more anger than she had intended to. 

He splashed a bit of water in his face and blindly reached for the paper towels. Quickly jumping to his aide, Y/N handed him two. “Don’t, Y/N/N. You weren’t there,” he told her calmly as he dried his face. 

“For what? For you to get hopped up on some drug?” She held the vial up for emphasis. 

“For me being kidnapped and tortured!” The volume of his voice went up ever so slightly. 

The anger that resided on Y/N’s chest washed away as her heart plummeted into her stomach. “What?” she whispered, her eyes filling up with tears. “Spencer…” 

“Let’s just get this over with,” he said and pushed past her before she could even say anything else. Letting out a frustrated sigh, Y/N followed behind him and joined the other agents and Spencer’s father. 

“Did something happen?” Y/N heard William ask. 

“That’s what we’re trying to find out,” Spencer responded in a cool, toned-down manner, much different from how he was moments before. The dilaudid seemed to be working quickly, Y/N thought. “Hello, Dad.” 

William Reid looked at his son as if he’d seen the ghost of Christmas past. Y/N was suddenly reminded of all the times she had spent at the Reids’ and every time William picked them both up from school because her mother was working overtime and couldn’t pick her up. 

“Spencer…” William whispered before his eyes landed on the girl next to him. “I’m glad you two are still together.” 

Y/N couldn’t help but scoff at his comment. There had been so much in the last seven years she didn’t even know about. So much had happened. So much for which she should’ve been there for him. Too much, it seemed. 

“Let’s talk in my office.” William invited the four of them into his office. While he himself took a seat on the armchair, Rossi opted for the couch opposite of him. After what happened in the bathroom, Y/N felt withdrawn from her best friend and opted to lean against the bookshelves, Derek joining her quickly, while Spencer stayed put near the door. 

“You don’t look like me any more,” William told his son. “You used to. Everybody said so.” 

Y/N’s eyes flicked towards Spencer, who was exhibiting a cool stance towards his father. “They say some people look like their dogs, too,” he started. “It’s attributed to prolonged mutual exposure. Elderly couples, also. They unconsciously mimic the expressions of people they’ve been around their whole life. It’s why we’ve been called non-biological twins our whole life,” he said, motioning towards Y/N at the end. “So it kind of makes sense that I wouldn’t really look like you. I haven’t seen you in twenty years.” 

No one else noticed it, but Spencer’s bottom lip quivered. He was keeping up a strong facade, but it didn’t fool Y/N.  

“So, are you in town on work?” William asked. 

“We’re just wrapping up a case,” Rossi intervened smoothly. Maybe Y/N wasn’t the only one who noticed Spencer’s lip quivering. They were profilers after all, studying everyone’s behavior. 

“A five-year-old boy was abducted and murdered,” Derek chimed in. 

William looked up at Derek and Y/N. “I read about that. Ethan Hayes, right?” Glancing over at Y/N, Spencer’s eyebrows furrowed at his father’s behavior and he knew she had taken note, too. “That’s terrible.” 

“Yeah,” Spencer agreed. “That case got me thinking about Riley Jenkins.” 

“You remember Riley Jenkins, Mr. Reid?” Y/N questioned. 

William nodded. “Of course.” 

“I’ve been having dreams about him for a really long time,” Spencer explained. “But when I came back here for this case, it jogged something and the dream changed. I saw his killer and it was you.” 

Along with Spencer’s co-workers, Y/N paid close attention to William to see if anything in his behavior or reaction would tip them off. 

“Interesting dream,” William said, oddly calmly. 

Y/N’s head tilted slightly. “You don’t seem that surprised.” 

Turning back to his son, William smiled ever so slightly. “I stopped being surprised by Spencer’s mind a long time ago.” The man almost sounded proud. 

“There are certain criteria we consider when looking at this type of suspect,” Rossi continued, ignoring the pride in William’s face. “You fit parts of that profile.” 

William glanced at Y/N, a familiar face for guidance. When she didn’t offer any, he turned back to Rossi. “Me?” 

“We just want your cooperation,” said Rossi. 

“My cooper–” William chuckled in disbelief as he glanced at every person in the room. Neither of them were giving him any satisfactory answer, all four of them glaring at him to gauge his reaction. “You’re not actually saying you think I killed Riley Jenkins.” 

Spencer shook his head ever so slightly. “We didn’t say that.” 

“Good. Because that’s absurd.” 

“We’d just like permission to look through your computer, access your records,” Derek stated. 

William leaned forward in his chair. “And what would you be looking for, exactly?” No answer came forth, telling the hot-shot lawyer enough. “You want access to my files, get a warrant.” 

Having asked him enough questions, the team of four returned to the hotel. Rossi and Derek got their own rooms while Y/N joined Spencer in his. She wanted to help him on the case a little more, see if they could come up with something together. Plus, if it gave her the chance to ask him some questions about what had happened to him, it would be even better. 

As the two of them turned the corner in the hallway, Spencer dialed another co-worker’s number. Penelope Garcia, he’d explained to her. Tech analyst at the BAU. Computer wizard. “Yeah, we’re not gonna get a warrant so we’re going to have to go under the radar on this one, Garcia.” 

“You want me to hack your father’s network,” Y/N could hear Penelope’s voice from the other side of the line. “You’re sure about this?” 

The two of them stopped in front of room number 419. “I really wish people would stop asking me that,” he said to Penelope as he reached into his pocket for his keycard. He hung up the phone as he opened the door, stopping in his tracks as his foot stepped on something that wasn’t the carpet. His sudden halting caused Y/N to bump into him. 

With confusion written in her eyes, she watched as Spencer bent down to require the folder that was on the floor. It was a brown envelope with a post-it stuck on the flap. “You’re looking at the wrong guy”, it read. 

Spencer glanced over his shoulder at his best friend. “Do you know about this?” 

She shook her head in response before he opened the envelope and fished out the files inside. At the very top of the bundle was a picture attached. More accurately, a mugshot from someone named Gary B Michaels. 

Spencer glanced at Y/N before leaving the room again, this time, with the file in hand. Slightly frustrated by his lack of communication, Y/N followed behind, closing the door behind her but not before checking if Spencer had taken the roomkey with him. 

Rossi and Morgan were in the downstairs bar, nursing a drink when the two younger ones joined them, Y/N a mere half a minute later. Spencer handed them the envelope without a word. 

“Was the envelope dropped off at the front desk first?” Rossi asked. 

“Nope, I asked the front desk. No one dropped anything off for Spencer,” Y/N replied. 

Rossi nodded his head in thought. “So, they know what room you were in.” 

“I do have to admit, the timing of this seems a little suspicious,” Derek agreed. 

“Yeah, an hour after I see my father, we’re handed another suspect.” 

Rossi looked up from the file. “You think you knew this guy?” 

“I don’t know,” Spencer replied. “I think so but I’m not sure. I … No, I don’t know.” He was stuttering and chaotically jumping from one thought to the other. 

Nodding at Y/N, Derek asked, “What about you? Have you seen him before?” 

“Can’t say that I have… Or…” she reached for the picture again, looking at the man properly and in a more lit-up room. The dark eyes pierced through Y/N’s Y/E/C ones as if he could reach through the photo and just grab her like that, transporting her to her childhood. 

“That’s a pretty dress.” 

Before she could go any further in that memory, Rossi’s voice stopped her. “‘Exposed himself to a minor.’ That’s a precursor to molestation,” he said and his words threw Y/N right back. 

She was at the playground, waving her ribbon around while Spencer was playing chess by himself, when a man stopped her in her tracks. 

“That’s a pretty dress,” he complimented her cherry-patterned dress her mother had put her in that morning, even though she wanted to wear pants and a T-shirt. Y/N looked up at him. He was tall and his hair was smoothed back by gel, leaving it sticky and greasy-looking. 

“Thank you,” innocent, unknowing Y/N responded. “Mommy picked it out for me.” 

“Are those real cherries?” he asked and crouched to her level, reaching for the dress, feeling its fabric between his fingers. 

Young Y/N frowned at him. “Of course not, silly.” 

“I think it is,” he replied and tickled her belly before pretending to eat a handful of cherries, causing the young girl to laugh. “You like cherries?” Y/N nodded her head eagerly. “So do I.” 

“Y/N/N?” Spencer’s voice brought her right back to the present day. She blinked rapidly, adjusting to the bright light of the hotel’s lobby. “You okay?” he asked. Before she could say anything, Derek’s phone rang, cutting the men’s worry for the young woman away. 

“It’s Garcia,” Derek said before picking up and putting the phone on speaker. “Talk to me, baby girl.” 

Y/N gave the man an intrigued look, but decided not to say anything. 

“I’m not interrupting boy time at Crazy Horse Too, am I?” the peppy-sounding woman asked. 

“You know that’s not my thing. I’m more for in-room entertainment.” 

“I can’t help you there, but I do give good phone.” 

Y/N looked over at Spencer who gave her a look that told her this was how they always interacted with one another. 

“Let me hear what you’ve got.” 

“Reid, we’ve been all up in your father’s business,” Garcia started. 

“What did you find?” 

“Well, let me tell you first what I did not find. No kiddie porn, no membership to illicit websites, no dubious e-mails, no chat room history.”

“What about his finances?” Spencer asked, his shoulders tensing a little again. 

Another voice came through the speaker now, one Y/N didn’t recognize. He sounded like a strong male, very authoritative voice. “We went back ten years. No questionable transactions that we could find.”

“Well, he did buy a ticket to see Céline Dion six months ago,” another woman’s voice came next. “But I think we can overlook that.” 

Y/N couldn’t help but smile ever so slightly. Céline Dion was very often playing in their house. Both at Spencer’s and at her own. The two families were pretty crazy about the French-Canadian singer. 

“He’s smart. Is it possible he kept things under the table?” Spencer wanted to know next. 

The man’s voice sounded through again. “Well, of course. But from what we can tell, Reid, he doesn’t fit the profile.” 

“We can tell you other things about him, if you want to know,” the female voice that wasn’t Garcia’s said. 

Spencer looked down at Y/N as if to find his footing again. “I’m listening.” 

“Uh, he’s a workaholic. He actually logs more hours than we do,” the woman said. “He makes decent money, but he doesn’t spend a lot of it. He has a modest house, he drives a hybrid. He doesn’t travel much, he stays away from the casinos. And according to his veterinary bills, he has a very sick cat.”

The man spoke next. “He appears to spend most of his free time alone, and goes to the movies a lot, and he reads. And from his collection of first editions, it seems his favorite author is…” 

“Isaac Asimov. I remember that one,” Spencer cut him off. He was agitated, doubting every single belief he had about his father. Though she was still kind of upset with him, Y/N reached for his hand again and intertwined their fingers, hoping that would ground him again. 

“He does have one other major interest. On his home computer he’s archived a gajillion things on one common subject,” Garcia took over again. 

A smile spread on Y/N’s face, knowing what she was going to say. 

“What?” Spencer asked. 

“You, kiddo.” Y/N could hear the smile in Garcia’s voice and she squeezed Spencer’s hand. “He’s got like everything that’s been published online. Every article you’ve been quoted in, pieces you’ve written for behavioral science journals. He even has a copy of your dissertation.” 

“He’s keeping tabs on you,” Y/N told him, beaming. “That’s saying something.” 

“Yeah, and he Googled me. That makes up for everything,” he said before pushing past his colleagues, letting go of the one hand that could ground him. “I need some air.” 

“Spence!” Y/N called, but he was already gone. 

Derek sighed as he spoke into the phone again. “You guys still there?” 

“I thought we were giving him good news,” Garcia sighed, too. “Also, who else is there? I swore I heard a woman’s voice.” 

“Oh, that would be me,” Y/N answered. “I’m Detective Y/N Y/L/N. Spencer’s childhood best friend. I’m trying to help out here, wherever I can.” 

“Didn’t you apply for the spot at the BAU, too?” the male voice sounded again. “I remember seeing your resume on my desk.” 

Y/N let out an awkward chuckle. “Yeah, I did. But, uh, you chose Spencer over me. Which is totally valid. He’s a great guy and I bet he’s a great asset to your team.”  

“I’m sorry we didn’t pick you, Detective Y/L/N,” the man said. 

“It’s fine. I’m proud of Spencer for getting in anyway and I’m happy in my job, so. Hey, no resentment, all right?” 

“Glad to hear that. Can we do anything else for you guys there?” 

Derek held the phone up to his mouth. “Yeah, look up a name for us, if you would. Gary Brandan Michaels.” 

The name alone sent shivers down Y/N’s spine, bringing her right back to that day on the playground. 

His hand moved from her belly down to her short legs, placing one on the back of her knee. “Could you do a twirl for me, pretty girl?” 

She quickly snapped herself back out of it and looked up at the two men in front of her. “I need some air,” she whispered and took off the same way Spencer did. Trying to find her breathing again, she stopped around the corner and focused on her respiration. It wasn’t until she heard his familiar voice that she looked up again to take in her surroundings. She found herself on the other side of the lobby where they had some of those casino machines. One of which was manned by her best friend. 

He was accompanied by a blonde girl in a sparkly purple dress. She was sitting a bit too close to her best friend for Y/N’s liking. 

“Normally video poker odds are slightly worse, at point-seven percent in your favor, but if you employ optimal strategy and always draw for the royal flush, you can push those odds to point-two percent,” Spencer explained to the woman. 

“Hmm,” the woman hummed. “Smart and handsome.” 

Spencer looked up at this, but his eyes weren’t on the woman for more than a second as they caught something behind her. Or rather someone. 

“So are you in town for the convention?” she asked while reaching for a cigarette. 

Spencer slightly shook his head to force himself to pry his eyes away from the beautiful Y/H/C in the corner who was looking at him, too. “Um, there are twelve conventions in town this week, which one are you talking about?” 

“Take your pick,” she said, laughing, before lighting the cigarette. 

Upon seeing this, Y/N walked over. “Six minutes,” she mumbled. The woman’s eyes landed on the newest addition to their conversation as she blew out her smoke, though Y/N couldn’t but focus on how Spencer’s lips twitched up into a smile. 

“Excuse me?” the woman asked, clearly offended. 

Spencer shook his head slightly with a smile. “I-it was something I used to say to my mom to try to get her to quit smoking. A cigarette takes six minutes off your life. So every time she’d light one, I’d say, ‘that’s six minutes less that I get to spend with you’.”

“Aw! Did it work?” 

If Y/N hated how the woman was so charmed by her best friend, she was very much showing it, though neither of them noticed. 

“No,” Spencer replied chuckling. 

“Because I’ve tried it all. The gum, the patch, nothing works.” 

The Y/H/C let out a chuckle. “You should try hypnosis, they’ve had a lot of success in the–” Just as the idea popped into Y/N’s head, it seemingly did in Spencer’s, too, as his head snapped up at her with wide eyes. 

“Tell you what, I’ll put mine out if you buy me a drink,” the woman tried, but Spencer wasn’t even listening anymore. 

Grimacing at the woman, Y/N placed her hands on Spencer’s shoulders. “Not today, sweetheart.” 

Just as Spencer turned in his chair, Derek and David joined Y/N’s side. “We’ve been looking all over the place for both of you. Come on,” said Derek with a serious expression on his face. 

Spencer got up from his chair and took Y/N’s hand in his, entwining their fingers to give her the support and calmth she needed after her near-panic attack just mere moments earlier. 

“Hey! You won like two-thousand dollars here,” the woman called. 

“Keep it,” Spencer told her over his shoulder. 

“You do realize you just gave two grand to a hooker,” Rossi pointed out. 

Derek’s eyes glanced from the woman in the purple dress to Spencer to Y/N. “Must’ve been quite a conversation. What was it about?” 

“How to stop smoking,” Spencer replied before walking off, dragging Y/N with him. 

Outside, Spencer explained his plan. Derek and Rossi weren’t entirely in on the plan, but Y/N convinced them that it could help. 

“I could sit in,” Y/N suggested, but Rossi shook his head. 

“No, I’ll sit in, make sure everything’s going well.” 

Furrowing her eyebrows, Y/N looked at him. “Why not? We’re practically soulmates, we–I can help.” 

“That’s just it, Y/N,” Derek chimed in. “You’re too close. Let Rossi do it. We’ll wait out here.” 

After a reassuring nod from Spencer, Y/N sat down next to Derek, allowing Rossi to go in with him. She didn’t love this. Her best friend might get hurt and she wouldn’t even be there to patch up the breakage. 

“You and Spencer…” Derek started once the silence settled over them in the waiting room. “You’ve been more than friends?” 

“No,” Y/N shook her head. 

“But you wanted to?” 

Y/N’s head snapped up, her eyes wide. Never had she even admitted to herself that what she felt for Spencer was more than platonic. She didn’t want to admit it, scared that it was true and it was going to ruin what they had going on. 

“I–How do you know?” she asked, her voice quiet and vulnerable. 

A soft laugh erupted from Derek’s throat. “I’m a profiler, Y/L/N. Besides, it’s blatantly obvious.” 

“How so?” 

“Come on, the way you look at each other, the way you hold each other’s hands…”

Y/N’s brows furrowed. “Wait,” she said, confusion laced in her voice. “You’re not saying ‘you’. You’re not talking about the way I look at him, but the way we look at each other…” 

“Pretty Boy’s blatantly in love with you, too, genius.” 

Scoffing, Y/N shook her head. “Yeah, and I’m the Queen of England.” 

Derek wetted his lips as he chuckled. “All right, Your Majesty. Whatever you wanna believe…” 

“Y/N/N!” the sudden scream of her name caused her to jolt from her chair and rush into the practice where she found Spencer on the couch, panting and frantically looking around the room. 

“Spence,” she whispered and rushed to his side, relieving Rossi from his protective duty. “Spence, you’re okay. You’re okay. You’re okay.” She soothed him, allowing him to grab onto her hand as she smoothed his hair back and pressed kisses to his head. “You’re okay.”   

Once Spencer had calmed down and explained to his co-workers and Y/N what he had seen, he had decided to go back to his mother to confront her and ask her about that day. 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Y/N asked, her voice soft and fragile. 

Spencer looked down at her and nodded her head. “Please,” he whispered. 

Derek dropped them off at Bennington Sanitarium, wanting to wait for the couple in the car until they were ready. The whole way to her room, Spencer held Y/N’s hand tightly, power walking through the familiar hallways. They found her in her room where Spencer explained what he had seen in his vision. Y/N watched from the sidelines and noticed how Diana became more and more agitated. 

“Try to remember, Mom,” said Spencer, needing to push her a little. 

“No, I can’t.” 

“You were there. You watched Dad burn the bloody clothes.” 

Diana shook her head. “You had a dream.” 

“Mom, this was not a dream,” Spencer pressed, causing his mother to turn around to face him. “This was a memory. It was a memory and I saw you.” 

She walked up to him and grabbed his face in her hands lovingly. “Your mind. Such a treasure. Even as a baby you knew about things you weren’t supposed to know.” 

“This is not about me. This is about Riley Jenkins.” 

“It was always about you,” Diana said in a whisper, matching her son’s tone of voice. 

“Please, Mom. Please. Please just try to remember,” Spencer tried again as he grabbed her hands and guided her over to her bed where they sat down. “Remember Riley. Riley.”

“Riley… Riley,” she mimed as she let the name simmer in her brain. “Riley was real. Poor Riley.” 

“Yes,” Spencer whispered. “Poor Riley. Poor Riley. Did Dad do something to him?” 

Diana looked up at her son in surprise. “Dad? No.” 

“Think, think, think,” Spencer pressed. 

“No, no, no, no. That’s– No, no. Now you’re confusing me, Spencer. No.” She placed her hands over her face. It was stressing her out. He was pressing and pushing her too far. 

“Spence,” Y/N tried softly, but he didn’t hear her. 

“You knew, Mom. You knew about Dad and you didn’t do anything.” 

“No, you don’t know. No! No, no, you don’t know! You don’t…” Then, she started to yell out her ‘no’s before getting up and starting to hit herself. 

“Mama,” Y/N walked up to her and tried to keep her from hurting herself, but Spencer quickly pulled her away and let the nurses push past them to get Diana in control. As the two of them watched the nurses put something in her arm to calm her down, they held onto one another tightly. Spencer’s lips were pressed against Y/N’s hair, the scent of her shampoo calming him down. 

“He got to Y/N/N,” Diana whispered once the medicine started working. 

Y/N and Spencer exchanged glances before Spencer let go of the girl. “What? What did you say?” 

“He got to Y/N/N and it could’ve been you, too.” 

The flashbacks she’d been having were real. They were actual memories from her childhood. From the guy that touched her and asked her to twirl. The guy that killed Riley Jenkins was the same guy that played with her with her ribbon. 

It could’ve been either of them, instead of Riley. 

The following day, Y/N went back to work, not entirely ready to face her captain’s wrath about missing a few days, but she had to go through it. He wasn’t entirely happy, but the girl didn’t get fired either. A warning, Hyde had said. Another one and she’d be out. 

For as long as she could, she tried to focus on her work. It was a simple filing day, so there didn’t need to be too many brain cells involved in this activity. Lucky for her, because most of her brain cells were focusing on the Riley Jenkins case, her conversation with Derek about Spencer and Spencer himself. 

Y/N knew she had a crush on her best friend. She had since they were sixteen but she couldn’t admit that to anyone else. Not even herself. 

“What was Lou Jenkins doing here?” The familiar and normally soothing voice of Spencer Reid made her jump out of her thoughts. 

Sighing, Y/N smiled her fakest smile. “Good morning, Y/N/N. Good morning, Spence. What can I do ya for?” She held the whole conversation by herself, earning an annoyed glare from her best friend. “I don’t know what he was doing here, I didn’t even notice him.” 

“I thought you were a good detective,” Spencer quipped, and though Y/N knew he was only teasing, it actually stung a bit. 

“What are you doing here, Dr. Reid?” she asked, allowing her tone to showcase just how pissed off she was. 

Spencer’s features softened. “Can you come with us? We gotta convince Detective Hyde that we wanna arrest my dad.” 

“Don’t you need a good detective for that?” she shot back and swiveled in her chair, away from him. 

She heard him sigh before he turned her chair around again. His eyes glazed over ever so slightly as he crouched down to her level. The flashbacks from her childhood returned for a quick second. “I’m sorry, Y/N/N. That was uncalled for. Please, will you help me?” 

“Get up,” she whispered, not wanting to be reminded of the guy in the playground again. “Please, Spence. Get up.” Confused, Spencer stood up straight again before Y/N took a breath and got up, too. 

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Derek asked, worry laced in his eyes. 

She offered them a smile. “Fine. Let’s go.” 

Allowing Spencer to sit down in front of Detective Hyde, Y/N and Derek remained by the door. Spencer explained the entire case to the detective, handing over the file they had compiled. 

“You’ve got no evidence,” Hyde concluded. 

“A suspect can be detained for questioning for forty-eight hours, regardless of evidence,” Spencer told him. 

Hyde glanced up to Y/N and Derek before turning his focus back on Spencer. “I’m not in the habit of ruining people’s reputations on a whim.” 

“Where’s your Captain? I want to talk to your Captain,” Spencer stated. 

“Talk all you want,” Hyde chided. “This was a local murder and your authority ends at the state line.” 

Crossing her arms in front of her chest, Y/N said, “Mine doesn’t.” 

Detective Hyde glared at his co-worker before getting up and taking a seat on the edge of his desk. “Look, why don’t you just head back over to the Fountainview, and have a couple of drinks by the pool, and think about this?” 

“I have thought about this,” Spencer stated determinedly. 

“The guy’s your father.”

“What’s your point, Detective?” 

“Maybe you’re here to work out some other issues…” Spencer got up just as Derek approached the two of them, pushing past his co-worker. 

“Listen, Detective–” 

Derek started, but Y/N was quick to cut him off. “Give us twenty-four hours, Hyde. Consider it a personal favor to the FBI, huh? Don’t you want to be in these guys’ good books? Don’t you wanna be the grand local hero?” 

Y/N and Hyde had a stand-down for a good minute. Her Y/E/C eyes didn’t defer from his for even a split second. She was going to get to him, even if it cost her her job. 

“Fine. You’ve got twenty-four hours.” 

Smiling, Y/N patted his shoulder. “Thank you, good Detective.” 

“I appreciate that,” said Derek before turning on his heel and following after Spencer, who quickly burst out of the office. “Reid, you’ve got to keep your head, man,” Derek said to the young agent just as Y/N joined them. 

“He could’ve just agreed to it, it happens all the time.” 

“They just want to feel like they’re the ones in control,” Derek assured him right before his phone rang. Spencer took this as an opportunity to walk away, only for his best friend to follow right after him. 

“You okay, Spence?” she asked, worry laced in her voice. 

He smiled at her. “Yeah. Could ask you the same thing. What was that earlier?” 

“You pissed me off,” she snapped, crossing her arms over her chest as if that would protect her from the truth. 

Shaking his head, he stepped closer towards her and placed his hands on her shoulders. “No, not that. When I crouched down in front of you. You flinched. You-your eyes glazed over as though you were gonna cry and you tensed up.” 

“I-I guess I’ve been having some–flashbacks from our childhood?” she stuttered and stumbled over her words, not even sure what to make of it herself. 

Spencer’s head tilted. “From our childhood? And it’s making you scared of me?” 

“No, I–” before she could say anything, Rossi walked into the hallway they were in, intervening in their conversation. 

“Your dad’s here,” he said. 

The two of them joined Rossi and Derek when they had William Reid in the interrogation room. “You still think he did it, don’t you?” Derek asked Spencer. 

“Why shouldn’t I?” 

“Well, for one thing, Gary Michaels fits the profile,” Derek answered. Hearing the name caused Y/N to shiver ever so slightly. “You okay, mama?” Y/N simply nodded her head in response, allowing Derek to continue. “For another, he fled town after Riley’s murder. He’s a better suspect than your dad, Reid.” 

Spencer’s nose scrunched. “He’s a convenient one. Someone slipped the file under my door, Morgan. What am I supposed to think?” 

“Maybe they’re trying to help,” Rossi chimed in. 

“Or maybe they’re trying to protect him,” Spencer suggested. 

Rossi stepped closer to Spencer. “You’re talking about someone helping to cover up the murder of a child. Who would do that?” 

Something clicked inside Y/N’s mind as she watched her best friend’s father through the glass. He didn’t strike her to be someone who would murder a child. He was the one person she hated most when she was a kid, but he didn’t seem to be the one to do the hating. Along with the flashbacks she’d been having and the things Hyde was saying mere moments ago, it didn’t make sense to her that Spencer’s dad would be behind this. 

“Didn’t it seem a little odd how resistant Hyde was when you asked him to bring in your father?” she asked Spencer, voicing her thoughts. 

Derek looked at her. “I know you hate the guy, but are you seriously accusing a cop right now?” 

“It was a police file,” Spencer said, agreeing with his best friend. 

“A very old one. Anybody could’ve accessed it. You too, Y/N/N.” 

Y/N scoffed. “Aside from that…” she turned back to Spencer. “He told you to go back to the Fountainview, have a drink by the pool, and think about things. Have you told them you were staying at the Fountainview, Spence?” 

Her best friend looked at her in thought. “No, I haven’t. Have you?” 

“Uh-uh,” she shook her head and watched as the gears behind his eyes began working him up. “How bad of a detective am I now, huh?” 

“You’re brilliant,” he whispered before walking past her and entering the interrogation room where his dad was. 

Beaming, Y/N turned to Derek. “I’m brilliant,” she cooed, proudly. 

“And you’re still trying to convince me you’re not in love with him?” Derek asked, smug smirk on his face. 

Not really having a retort to that, Y/N pulled a face before turning to the window to listen to Spencer interviewing his father. 

“The question is simple. How did the blood get on the clothes?” 

William looked up at his son. “I told you, I’m not going to talk without counsel.” 

“You don’t have anything to hide, you don’t need a lawyer.” 

As Y/N watched Spencer interview his father, she felt weird. Something didn’t add up. William was hiding something from them. Detective Hyde was not trying to help them but protecting someone else and Lou Jenkins had been at the precinct for God-knows what reason. Diana told them he’d gotten to her and that he could’ve gotten Spencer, but William had never laid a hand on Y/N, which meant she wasn’t talking about William. 

“Did you hear from Garcia on Michaels’ whereabouts?” Y/N asked Derek. 

He shook his head. “No, why?” 

“I have a weird feeling about this,” she murmured. 

Nodding his head, Derek reached for his phone. “I’ll check up on them now,” he said and walked out of the room. It didn’t take very many minutes for him to return and call Spencer away from his interview. 

“Gary Michaels is dead,” Derek told them what his boss, Hotch, had told him. 

Y/N felt weak in her knees upon hearing the news. The hairs on the back of her neck raised while the feeling of fingertips grazing her skin left her feeling nauseous. 

“Y/N/N, you okay?” Spencer asked as he guided her into a chair. 

Y/N shook her head as tears lined her eyes. “Your mother said he’d gotten to me, Spence. It was Gary… He’s the guy that –” A sob shook her entire body, keeping the words from coming out of her. “He’s– He–” she tried over and over again, failing every time. 

“Hey, hey, Y/N/N, look at me,” Spencer placed both hands on her face, forcing her to look at him. “You’re gonna be okay. Tell us what happened.” 

She sniffled. “I can’t. I-I can’t.” 

“Okay, that’s okay,” Spencer whispered before looking up at his co-workers. “Let’s bring her home–”

“No,” she quickly interrupted and grasped his hands from her face. “I don’t wanna go home. I don’t wanna be alone.” 

Spencer’s thumb caressed her hands. “You got to rest, Y/N/N. Where do you wanna go?” 

“I wanna come with you.” 

“Sweetheart, I don’t think that’s a good idea right now,” said Derek. “Where else does she feel safe?” 

With one glance at his best friend, Spencer knew where to bring her. “With my mom.” 

As simple as that answer was, it was even simpler bringing her there. Y/N found Diana on the couch in the communal living room, leafing through an old photo book. 

“Hi, mama,” Y/N greeted, hoping she wouldn’t see how puffy her eyes were or how scared she was. Diana looked up and smiled at the girl she considered her own daughter. “Can I sit with you?” 

She nodded and patted the spot beside her, showing the pictures in the book on her lap. “Do you remember this?” she asked, showing her a picture of her and Spencer at the beach, sharing an ice cream. “It was the first time the two of you were allowed to have big-kids ice creams. You were so excited about it, you got most of it on your face and body.” 

Smiling at the memory, Y/N traced a finger across the laminated photo. Immediately, she felt a hundred times better. Coming here, visiting Diana, always made her feel better, no matter how shitty her day had been. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” the doctor spoke as he joined the two. “Can I talk to Diana?” 

“Sure,” Y/N whispered and got up, but Diana quickly stopped her. 

“Whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of her.” Y/N looked at the woman in surprise as she plopped back down. “She’s family.” 

The doctor sighed and took a seat on the coffee table so he was in front of Diana. “I’m told you’re refusing medication.” Y/N blinked at Diana in surprise. 

“I’m just holding off for a little while, if you don’t mind,” Diana told her doctor. 

“You know what will happen,” the Doctor warned her calmly. 

Diana nodded her head. “Tremors, panic, and the voices,” she summed up, having memorized it all. “But before that, when the fog lifts, a window of clarity. And I really need that right now.”

“I can give you some latitude here. Just tell me why,” said the Doctor. 

Bowing her head down, Diana sighed. “I wanna remember,” she said solemnly, reaching for Y/N’s hand to squeeze it as she looked at the picture of her son, his best friend, her mother and herself. All four of them. Happy as Larry. 

“Diana, does this have anything to do with Spencer and what we’ve been asking you about?” Y/N asked, squeezing her hand. 

She looked at Y/N, her eyes softening with tears in her eyes. “I need to remember, Y/N/N. I need to remember who it was that got to you.” Her free hand went up to the young woman’s cheek, cupping it. Melting into the familiar touch, Y/N leaned into her hand, allowing her own tears to flow. 

“Shall I stay here with you until you remember?” Diana simply nodded her head in response and Y/N smiled before the two of them returned to the picture book after having thanked Diana’s doctor. 

It took a couple of hours, but the window of Diana’s memory started widening and brightening. She told Y/N it was time and, along with the doctor, she brought the woman she considered her second mother to the precinct where she told Hyde to bring them to Spencer. 

“Agent Reid,” Detective Hyde said as soon as he opened the door. 

Spencer turned and with a booming voice, he yelled, “Do not interfere with this interrogation, Detective. This is not your case anymore.”

“Spence,” Y/N murmured softly, appearing from behind Hyde with his mother’s hand in hers. 

“Spencer, it was me,” Diana told him. Spencer's eyes flitted from his mother to his father to his best friend before he finally made the decision to hear his mother out first. They headed into Detective Hyde’s office where his father perched against the desk and Spencer grabbed two chairs. One for his mother and one for Y/N. He himself took a seat on the sofa. 

“I’d seen him around,” Diana started. “At your ball games. At the park. You used to play chess there, do you remember?” Spencer softly nodded his head. “You played with him once.” 

“With Gary Michaels?” A shiver went down Y/N’s spine. 

Diana’s hand squeezed Y/N’s in reassurance. “I didn’t know that was his name back then,” Diana admitted. “But it wasn’t unusual for you to play with adults. And you’d win, too. I’d only started to grow concerned when I noticed him around Y/N/N. He – uhm,” Diana halted, unable to get the words across her lips. 

“Did he do something to us?” Spencer asked, worried eyes flitting over towards the Y/H/C girl with the tears streaming down her face. 

“Not to you, no,” Diana whimpered, squeezing Y/N’s hand tighter. 

Spencer leaned forward, wanting to crouch in front of his best friend, but then refrained and returned back to his seat, remembering how she reacted to that the other day. “Y/N/N… You remember what happened to you, don’t you?” 

Nodding her head, Y/N cried out. “He touched me, Spence. I-I suppressed the memory for as long as I could remember, but-but when I saw his mugshot, I just… I suppose the memory just flooded back into my mind.”

“He was inappropriate with Y/N/N, he looked at you like he wanted to do the same thing to you. I just couldn’t let it happen…” Diana continued, holding onto Y/N’s hand. 

“A mother knows,” Spencer recited something Diana had told him mere days ago. Diana nodded her head. “So, you told Riley’s dad?” 

Diana heaved in a deep breath. “Two nights later, Lou called the house. He was agitated. He said he needed me to meet him. We went to stake out his house, Gary’s. He was bringing out the garbage when Lou asked me if that was him. He told me that that was Gary Michaels and that he had a history with kids… I-He then told me to go, but I didn’t listen. He got out and I-I sat there, I couldn’t move. It was like a dream, that paralysis in the face of something terrible.”

“What happened after that?” Spencer asked. 

Clearing her throat, Diana bowed her head. “It’s okay, Diana,” William encouraged, placing a hand over Y/N’s and Diana’s locked hands. “Go on.” 

“At some point I found myself walking towards the house. I found Lou hovering over Gary’s bloodied body… And the rest… It’s all dark after that.” 

“You came home,” William continued for her and turned to his son. “She couldn’t talk at first, but eventually I came to understand what had happened, and I knew that nobody could ever know.”

“So you never told anyone?” Y/N asked, voice meek and fragile. 

William shook his head. “No, she could have been implicated. And I had to protect her.”

With teary eyes, Spencer looked up at Y/N before moving to his father. “You were burning her bloody clothes,” he stated. 

Both Diana and Will nodded their heads. “But the knowing, you can’t burn that away,” William said. “It changed everything.”

“Is that why you left?” Spencer asked his dad. 

“I tried to keep us together, Spencer, I swear to you, but the weight of that knowledge was… It was too much.” 

Y/N looked at Spencer. His bottom lip was quivering whilst the gears behind his eyes were working overtime. “You could’ve come back,” he eventually told his dad. “We could have started over.” 

“I didn’t know how to take care of you any more,” he said to Spencer before turning to Y/N. “And I didn’t know how to approach you, knowing –” Will quickly stopped himself before he could burst into tears. “When I lost that confidence, there was no going back.”

“What’s done is done,” said Diana without a single ounce of resentment before turning back to her son. “At least now you know the truth… Both of you.” She squeezed Y/N’s hand again. 

Spencer stared down at his hands for a couple of seconds and Y/N knew he was fighting back tears. “I was wrong about everything. I’m sorry,” he squeeked. 

Getting up from his spot against the desk, William went to sit next to Spencer. “Me too, Spencer.” 

A small smile spread across Y/N’s lips as she sniffled. After everything that had happened, she was glad Spencer got some kind of closure with his dad. And, above all, she felt the hatred she’d harbored for William Reid all these years, lift from her heart. Everything he did was to protect his family. 

“So,” Diana then said, lifting Y/N’s hand and placing a kiss on it. “I believe these two have a couple of things they need to discuss.” She motioned to the youngest ones in the room. “Plus, I need to be back in my room before curfew.” 

With a smile, Y/N blew the woman a kiss. “I’ll visit you tomorrow, mama.” 

“See you next time, mom,” said Spencer as he got up and kissed his mother goodbye. 

With that, Diana and William left the office, leaving Y/N and Spencer to their own devices. Y/N was watching the two leave with a smile on her face, not even noticing Spencer staring at her until he captured her attention. 

“Hey,” he said in a whisper. Y/N looked up at him. “Come here.” He patted the spot beside him. 

Y/N moved from her spot on the chair to the couch where Spencer grabbed her hands and kissed her knuckles. “Are you okay?” she asked, cupping his face with her hands right after he kissed them. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I’m gonna be,” he replied. “Are you?” 

Heaving in a deep breath, she let go of his face and dropped her hands in his lap where he grasped them again. “I suppressed those memories for so long and now I have to digest them all over again… It’s gonna be a lot of therapy.” 

“Do you want me to go with you?” he asked, lifting her hands again to kiss them. 

Y/N shook her head. “No, I think they might need you in Quantico,” she said with a smile and wriggled one hand out of his grip to push back a strand of hair. This time, she didn’t feel too awkward doing it. 

“Actually, I was thinking you could come with me to D.C.?” Y/N perked up at this news. “I-I talked to Hotch earlier and he, uhm, he’d like you to come in for a few, like, trial days at the BAU… Only if you want to, of course. I-I don’t expect you to give your life up here to fly with me to Virginia and just throw your life upside down. I just–” 

“Spence,” Y/N interrupted him with a chuckle. “I’d love to go with you. With you gone, there’s nothing keeping me here.” 

Spencer let out an amused scoff as he looked at her. For a moment, it was just that; him looking at her, her looking right back. His eyes glimmered the way they always did when he looked at her. After all these years, it still made her feel like she was the only girl in the world. 

“Spence,” she started in a whisper, “I–” Before she could even begin her sentence, a pair of soft lips shut her right up. At first, she was surprised, but she quickly melted into the kiss and let it completely overtake her senses. 

“I know,” he whispered when he pulled back. “Me too.” With a smile on her face, she kissed him again, only for him to pull back after a few seconds. “You did wanna tell me you’re in love with me right? Otherwise I probably read this situation very wrong.” 

Giggling, Y/N kissed him again. “I’ve been in love with you since we were sixteen, Spence. You can be so dumb sometimes,” she told him between kisses, some of the words getting lost in his mouth. 

“Actually, it’s just that I–” Before the man could go off on a rant about statistics and scientific facts, Y/N quickly shut him up by kissing him again. 

After everything that had happened, this was not the ending Y/N had expected for her and Spencer, but she was happy that it was. 

“Are you sure they’re gonna like me?” Y/N mumbled as Spencer dragged her down the hospital corridors on the way to his co-worker, JJ’s room. He’d told her she had just given birth to a baby boy while they were in Vegas and it was the first thing they were going to do when they landed back in Virginia. 

It also meant it was the first time his co-workers, and Y/N’s new co-workers, were going to meet her in real life. 

Spencer chuckled and pulled at her hand so that she’d fall into his chest and he could kiss her passionately. “Yes, I am sure,” he told her when he pulled away. “Oh, we’re here,” he said, pointing at the room number. 

He rapped two times on the doorpost, capturing everyone’s attention in the room. “You guys have room for two more in here?” he asked, smiling at his colleagues, especially as they looked at him with confusion in their eyes. 

Pulling Y/N with him, he entered the room with a smile. 

“Spence, hi,” the blonde in the hospital bed greeted with a smile. 

“Welcome back,” the tall guy they had landed next to said to Spencer before his eyes landed on Y/N. “You must be Y/N Y/L/N,” he said, holding out his hand for her to shake, which she did by letting Spencer go for a second. “Aaron Hotchner, but everyone calls me Hotch.” 

“Nice to meet you, Hotch,” Y/N said, grinning from ear to ear. 

Spencer then turned to the little one in the room. “Wow,” he said before his eyes landed on the father. “Congratulations.” He reached out his hand to shake. 

“How is it that I just went through fifteen hours of labor and you look worse than I do?” JJ asked, a hint of worry in her voice. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Spencer muttered. “You look beautiful.” 

Y/N simply nodded her head in agreement at the sentiment. With one glance at her boyfriend, JJ wordlessly told him something the rest of the visitors didn’t quite catch onto. 

“Well, I could sure use some coffee. Anyone else?” he asked. 

Everyone agreed and filed out of the room, one by one. When Y/N made a move to follow, catching onto JJ wanting to be alone with Spencer, he pulled her back to his side. “You better not think about leaving my side.” 

Y/N shot a fleeting glance at JJ to check if she was okay with it. Judging by the smile on her face, the Y/H/C stayed put. 

“Are you okay?” JJ asked as Y/N nudged him to move a little closer. 

“Yeah, yeah. You?” 

“Yeah, yeah. You sure? Because there’s something I wanted to ask you, but it can wait.” 

Feeling her heart leaping in her throat, Y/N tried her hardest to contain her excitement. She already knew where this was going. 

“What is it?” he asked, brows furrowing ever so slightly. 

JJ smiled and looked down at the baby in her arms. “Will and I were talking, and uh, we want you to be Henry’s godfather.” 

An excited squeal erupted from Y/N’s throat, causing Spencer to look back at her in surprise. “I don’t even know. I don’t know…” he stuttered and stumbled, his eyes flicking back and forth from JJ to Y/N and back. 

“Here, do you want to hold him?” she asked, already holding out the newborn for him to take. “It’s okay, here you go.” 

A little hesitantly, Spencer took the baby from his friend. “Oh, hi, Henry,” he cooed.

“If something were to happen to us, it’s up to you and Garcia to make sure this boy gets into Yale,” JJ joked. 

Spencer puffed. “Yale. Yale. Do you wanna go to Yale, Henry?” he asked the baby as though he could answer. 

With a chuffed smile, Y/N joined Spencer’s side again. “That was your godfather’s safety school.” Spencer’s honey eyes met her Y/E/C ones in surprise before he turned back to the baby. 

“Don’t worry, I can get you into CalTech with one phone call,” he whispered to him like it was a secret. 

As Spencer looked at the baby in his arms, he couldn’t help but forget the stress he had felt in the past couple of days. If something so small and fragile could be in his arms without breaking, something JJ trusted him with, he was certain nothing else could touch him anymore. 

Especially not with his best friend by his side. 

Everything taglist: @calamitykaty@littlemissaddict@n0wornever@wanniiieeee@unnowhatthisistbh

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfic

[johnrossbrrr]

I don't get it because when Rae gave Claire the amulet Claire was confused because she believed Rae truly has feelings for her but in this week's episode she's back to not believing it?

Hi, thanks for the ask anon. Happy to provide my take. Hope you're ready for a long post.

I guess we have to start with how our two girls are flawed as characters. Claire has two big things that she has to work through. First she lives in a pretty rigid world, and she has been raised a noble, and is expected to act like a noble. While she has a high standard for what she thinks a noble should be, this world view has only started to be challenged and her truths aren't really being truths anymore. When Matt the commoner got badly hurt by Yu’s attendant and she saw how that unfolded the cracks started to form. To her that was wrong, nothing about that should have happened like that but it did. I’ll be spoiler light to start, but going forward her assumptions about a lot of things are going to be challenged and change doesn’t happen overnight. So what does this mean for Rae and her? Well in short they are incompatible in her mind, and even if she wanted something, that doesn’t matter because she has to be a proper noble and proper nobles do not get together with commoners. Factor into that that she has expected that she will do what a proper noble lady will do, and that is to marry a proper noble man. As I mentioned before Claire holds the idea of being a noble to a very high standard, to her it’s an important role and carries a lot of responsibility and she puts a lot of her self worth into the idea.

So we get this line, ‘I’m me and you’re you. I’m a noble and you’re a commoner. Nothing more, nothing less.” Honestly I love this line, cause it's why Claire is tragic. She won't allow herself to act on her wants, and the thing is, even if it takes her a while to come to terms with it. She does want Rae. It’s why she never lets the amulet go, and we will see it again. There is a reason it's part of the closing credits. 

Now secondly, and this sort of feeds into the previous point, a part of Claire believes she can not be loved, and that she deserves it. She does not think that love fits into the ideal of a Noble, and while she gushed at Thane at first, I think that it mostly because she was acting in a way that she thought she was expected to. She is a very high ranking noble, and so she should aspire to the best wife possible. I’m not saying she didn’t have a crush on, but I do think these expectations she placed on herself put a lot of weight into that crush, and if we pay attention to what’s going on between these two? Thane spoke against his father to help them in court and save Lene’s life. Afterwards what did she do? She was with Rae, they celebrated and she never brought him up. As we saw in her flashback, Claire lost her mother at a very young age, and the last thing she told her mother was that she hated her. This is the root for her self value, and when Lene is exiled it’s like opening an old wound for her. Claire thinks she is unkind and unlovable.

This is a huge source of self doubt for Claire, and there is a part of her that thinks she will drive away everyone in her life. There is a part of her that blames herself for Lene leaving, that if she had paid more attention, tried harder, been better things would have turned out better. So how does Rae factor into this? Terrible, at least from Claire’s initial perspective. Rae comes in, being incredibly silly, and spouting what’s to her is nonsense, about being in love with her. It puts her guards up because she has this self doubt, she thinks she is being played, used. It doesn’t help when Rae seemingly changes her father’s mind by dropping a single name. And it really doesn’t help that Rae never explains anything to her and so rarely acts genuine. Claire is perceptive, she knows how to read people and play the social scene. We see it when she comes to Rae’s rescue in the cafe. She knows something is up with Rae, and she isn’t going to figure it out until Rae tells her.

So let's talk about Rae now. Rae, narratively speaking is misleading, from the beginning she set the expectation that this is going to be silly, as a series (and it is) but then we get more serious moments, like Misha asking if she is gay and then we start to see the depth to her. So We have this moment.

In the manga Rae doesn’t explain anything in the moment to Claire, outside of saying she is her guiding light. She doesn’t want anything from Claire expect for to be happy. In the Anime she still doesn’t explain everything but she does say a lot more, and if I’m being frank I think it runs against why it works. Without Rae’s explanation, it keeps Rae a mystery to Claire, hard to pin down and potentially dangerous, no matter how alluring or happy she makes her. And I think this is what makes a lot of Manaria, and the Scale of Love arc work so well.

Rae’s flaws mirror’s Claire’s. She doesn’t think Claire can love her, and it’s why she acts the way she does. She is ultimately avoiding being hurt, Rae is a silly person, but she acts it up and she acts it up a lot. She makes her love for Claire seem like a joke. Because if it’s a joke, then the appropriate reaction is to just laugh and not think about it. Claire will of course reject her because she was never being serious. And this way she won't reject her for real. Because that would hurt too much. Driving Claire away for real is the worst thing that could happen in Rae’s mind.

Also like Claire, her world view and assumptions are working against her. Rae grew up being gay in highschool in Japan. It’s something she talks about later and we won't see it animated unless there is a season 2, but it wasn't a great experience and she is carrying a bunch of her own baggage from Japan. She wants a relationship with Claire, but in her mind that is impossible.

And Rae’s knowledge of the world as a game is working against her for this. She is making huge assumptions about Claire because she thinks she knows everything about her, she even claims to know more about the game then the game devs do. The worst assumption is that Claire is straight, and that Claire will be happy with Thane.

These flaws are the friction in the relationship, and it’s as they both unpack and untether themselves from those flaws, their relationship grows. We have had stirrings in Claire up to this point, but to her Rae’s flaws are making it hard for her to trust her, and coming up in this arc we are going to see Rae have to start to confront her own flaws.

Before Manaria shows up, Rae is stuck in this limbo. She thinks she is happy to be around Claire, and to take care of her but it’s not going great. Lene is gone and it’s been hard on Claire. Rae is trying to use her usual methods to cheer up Claire but it’s not really working. I think this addition from the anime is stellar actually. Lindsay Sheppard nails it in the English version. 

It’s said in such a fond way, but it’s solemn. She wants Rae around, but she does not see how it can ever happen. A part of her thinks that whatever relationship she has with Rae, is doomed to end just like Lene, and her mother.

So enters Manaria. God Rae needs a kick and pants and Manaria is here to do that. Rae needs to grow for the things to happen and this is probably one of my favorite parts of the series.

That made sense right? I hope this makes sense, honestly these two have been living in head so much that last couple months.

#i'm in love with the villainess #im in love with the villainess #watashi no oshi wa akuyaku reijou #iftv #rae taylor #claire francois #ask #me #musings #god I feel like I could say more #i like flawed characters #who would have guessed

[eyesteeth]

my thoughts and theories on fionna and cake

so from the trailer alone i’m pretty sure this is going to be very Simon-centric. as established in the main series, Fionna and Cake is genderbend fanfiction written by Ice King. however, it seems likely that the Fionna and Cake focused on in this series will not be the one within Simon’s mind - not fully, anyway.

i initially believed that the Fionna and Cake we see in this series would be entirely figments of Simon's imagination - fanfiction used as a coping mechanism. Fionna's world is realistic and bland and mundane because Simon's "lost the magic in his life", and Fionna's world gaining magic would be a sign of changes in his mental state.

i no longer believe this because i took too many screenshots of the trailer. however, i do think that the Fionna and Cake of Simon's mind will be relevant, and Fionna's world mirroring Simon's is an intentional comparison.

my take is this - Fionna and Cake is going to have an overarching a-plot of Fionna figuring out what's gone wrong with her world and defeating the threat, and a b-plot of Simon facing his mortality and his trauma and coming to terms with both.

that's my tl;dr. long post below.

Simon’s a character with a lot of depth to him, but none of the Distant Lands specials focused on him, so it’s his turn to hold the Trauma Ball. we know that he isn’t immortal anymore with the crown gone. he’s visibly aged in the trailer, growing some white hair, and is wrinklier.

(Tom Kenny also said in an interview that this is the most emotional thing he’s worked on, and Tom Kenny’s been in fucking everything, so you know it’s gonna be big. i cannot for the life of me find the source for this so you're gonna have to trust me on this one.)

aging is clearly gonna fuck Simon up for multiple reasons - beyond the normal stuff, aging means he's going to look like Ice King, making himself a visual reminder of the worst time of his life. he also spent a very long time as an immortal, and adjusting to the idea of death after centuries of being the same age is probably gonna fuck with him.

he’ll also be dwelling on his past - there’s shots in the trailer of him and Marcy together right after the Mushroom War, likely filling in some gaps from that time. we already got a whole episode dedicated to their time together in the main series, so there's no need to tread that ground again - this will likely show new moments with them or recontextualize things with the state Simon's in now.

(there's also a shot of both of their feet but i couldn't fit both sets of shoes on one frame)

then there’s a shot of what’s very obviously a musical number from the in-between state of Simon and Ice King. this could be the first time he puts on the crown (or an early time), resulting a darkly upbeat moment of juxtaposition, or it could be an equally dark current-day moment along the lines of “wasn’t it so nice when you had the crown on and you didn’t have to think about anything? when you were immortal and too out of it to realize how bad of a spot you were in?”

or it could be a secret third thing. keep this image in mind, it'll be relevant later.

as for some miscellaneous screenshots, takes these two:

Simon's coat is missing in the first but he still has it in the second, so either he goes on two separate adventures in Ooo, or the first image takes place after the second. i stand by this being Ooo in the first image because of the trees in the background. as for the second image, that's Finn in the top right, and the treehouse on the left. because of how old Finn looks in the big promo image, i assume this takes place between Obsidian and Together Forever - Jake is dead but Finn is not. Finn and Simon might have a talk about death and dying if the mortality thing gets brought up, or Finn might just be here to help Simon get where he needs to go.

to where they are going, one can only speculate. it might be Prismo's cube, but i'm a little iffy on that. the cube is massively relevant by the way and is likely how Fionna and Cake end up crossing paths with Simon.

because Prismo's whole deal is alternate universes (gestures at Farmworld Finn) i believe that this is how Fionna and Cake come to Ooo. Prismo's cube is even in the logo for this show, it's that important.

(Simon is no stranger to Prismo, we got the above moment in the Adventure Time finale, so him traveling to Prismo with Finn's help is a possibility.)

anyway, time for the people the show is actually named about!

for their side of the plotline, the description of the trailer is quite enlightening:

"Based on characters from the beloved “Adventure Time” franchise, this brand-new 10-episode series set in the land of Ooo follows the alternate universe versions of Finn & Jake on a multiverse-hopping journey towards self-discovery. When Fionna and her sidekick Cake find themselves in the crosshairs of a powerful new foe, they have no choice but to seek the help of former Ice King Simon Petrikov." (emphasis mine)

notably, they are referred to explicitly as alternate universe versions, so they are indeed their own people. i also find it curious that Fionna's life is somehow mundane enough to lack magic, yet wacky enough to have a "powerful new foe". unless that something is actively sucking the magic out of their universe, this particular foe is a mystery to me.

however, because multiverse hopping is mentioned, i believe that the big foe is gonna have ~some weirdness~ about it, possibly attacking universe after universe for its intended goal ala [insert your preferred bagel-based multiverse movie here]. i'd also like to present the following screencaps to the court:

the use of line color, color choice, and shading in between the two on the left and the two on the right are like night and day. so, given the multiverse theme, i propose that these are two different Fionnas - the Fionna and Cake as presented by Simon on the left, and the real magicless Fionna from her universe on the right. alternatively, the one on the left could be Fionna after she comes to Ooo, and she just gets a costume change.

(also, the musical number shot has coloring similar to the set on the right, potentially indicating that scene takes place in the same location/episode/universe/etc as those shots. this is the third secret thing.)

(also also, this is probably way too off the wall to be true, but the ones on the right look incredibly similar to Bee and Puppycat in terms of color, and given that Natasha Allegri is responsible for both Bee and Puppycat and the creation of Fionna, this series could get into ideas of creation, using Simon's Fionna vs the real Fionna as an allegory somehow. i will be shocked if this happens, i think it's just visual flair tbh, i just wanted to get this thought out of my brain)

if this wasn't a spotty post before here's where it gets Real Spotty:

i believe this is Fionna in Ooo, she's in a bunny hat and she's with a kid in Finn's clothes. i believe this is Ooo because of the fire people at the bottom. Fionna is also still wearing the outfit she had on in the bus in the beginning of the trailer, leading me to believe that she gets to Ooo after that set of scenes.

i further believe this is Ooo, because we see the same kid in this shot. that's Simon's leg on the right, muddied up, so this could be after his adventure with Finn. on the left is the Fionna and Cake script in the bin, this being the Fionna and Cake Simon came up with. my guess is that this kid is a fan of the Fionna and Cake Simon came up with and this outfit is a cosplay. maybe he published his fanfiction. good for him.

as for the city behind the closing door...

... maybe it could be this? i'm not sure if this city is on Ooo, frankly. the trees are different. maybe Fionna, Simon, and this kid all went to an alt universe together by accident? and that's why the kid looks so distraught in the shot with the bin?

for my last image-based comment, simon's sleeve has been torn off here (bottom of his-right-our-left arm) so it's possible that whatever muddied his pants in the bin shot also got his coat messed up, possibly his adventure with Finn.

to recap this meandering post

here's an extremely weak guess of plot points from the previously proposed concepts

Fionna lives a normal, bland life, realizes something is wrong, and ends up in Ooo over the course of a day. within this day, she does her job on the bus, sees something's up with Cake, experiences some dimension weirdness, chases Cake at some point, her and Cake end up falling, and then it's Ooo time.

in Ooo, she meets a kid that's a fan of Fionna and Cake - from the stories Simon wrote and published.

Fionna decides she needs Simon's help, possibly because he's apparently written books about her, so they go to get him

meanwhile, Simon's had a bad mental health day and is spiraling.

he ends up in the woods with Finn for some reason, possibly to death talk, and they have an adventure that takes the length of the day. by the end of it, Simon's clothes are torn up and he just wants to go home.

he goes home and sits down for like A Minute before Fionna and the kid show up at his place.

(there is no evidence for this but i feel like seeing the character you made up in your genderbend fanfic irl would be freaky so Simon's like "wow i've fucking lost it i'm hallucinating my oc")

situation gets explained to a very non-receptive Simon

the three/four of them head off onto a multiversal quest with widely varying levels of enthusiasm

over the course of the quest shenanigans ensue and Simon has many moments of contemplation on his past and future

Fionna gets the situation with her home universe figured out

You Will Cry Your Eyes Out

the end

that's all i got. feel free to go crazy in the notes.

#long post #not joking it took over 2 hours to get all this down #adventure time #fionna and cake #adventure time fionna and cake #analysis

[reginarubie]

When HotD got out everyone was like Oh, Daemyra is the new, improved Jonerys with good storyline

And I didn’t give it too much attention, you know I stay mostly in my line and don’t mess around with shit that doesn’t interest me (like Jonerys) but now that I think of it…

I’ll do you all one better (and maybe I am late at the party as always, because I can’t be the only one noticing this)

Jonsa is the reversed, evolved, less entitled (both Jon and Sansa start as spoiled characters but have their entitlement beaten out of them pretty soon, and we love them for it), more duty-oriented (thank you Ned) Daemyra.

I mean all signs point in that direction and I see you 👀 GRRM pushing the Jonsa agenda further on!

And now I’ll tell you what sources I have to base my logic on (and maybe I am wrong ey, but I think it fits Jonsa more, as of now, though Martin could totally disprove me going the other way confronted to the way the show concluded knowing his ending).

So, at the beginning of the story, Robb becomes king in the North by popular demand.

In the first episode Viserys becomes heir (and later king) by popular demand.

Both Robb and Viserys inherit their position by their much beloved predecessor (Jaehaerys and Ned) and both are ‘named/appointed’ by a conclave of lords/ladies in the Riverlands ffs.

Both Viserys and Robb end up planting, with their own politics, the seeds of the shit storm that almost threatens to destroy their family after their death.

Robb marries Jeyne (Talisa in the show) instead of the Frey betrothed thus snubbing the Freys and going back on his word. He dies without an heir leaving the North in shambles when he had been a step from winning the war.

Viserys names Rhaenyra heir and then — instead of marrying the Velaryon girl — marries Alicent and has more children knowing that if they were male it could cause disrupt with the line of succession.

Both are idolised after their death — Viserys taking the name of The Peaceful thanks to the ruling and politics of his Queen and council and Robb by being sanctified by his siblings and lords even tho he was the one causing most of the problems who caused his death and almost destroyed the North — both Viserys and Robb loose their heirs.

Viserys loses his sons by Aemma

Robb dies childless and his heirs (Bran, Rickon, Sansa and Arya) are to his knowledge lost (Bran and Rickon presumed killed, Arya presumed dead and Sansa married to a Lannister).

The heir that remains them, their younger brother/sister (Daemon and Sansa) is not considered worthy of inheriting after them — Daemon for his character and Sansa because she has been married to a Lannister — so both do the same thing, they disinherit their lawful and rightful heir (yes Bran and Rickon and Arya are alive but Robb doesn’t know it; Viserys will have Aegon, Aemond, Daeron and Helaena but he doesn’t know nor care) to name another as heir someone who, by law, should pass after the rightful heir.

It seems to me like some pretty big parallels here.

Daemon = Sansa

Daemon and Sansa are the second born children of a couple who love each other and apparently their mother’ fav.

And you know what’s sick? Daemon and Sansa both supported their brother’ right to any extent.

Daemon readied men-at-arms and sworn swords to defend Viserys’ claim when people rumoured Corlys wanted to assemble a fleet to defend Laenor’ right after Rhaenys.

Sansa bled for the northern independence when in KL and then later — and this is only show for now — Sansa gathered the northern army and put KL under siege to defend her brother. Sansa is the one who decided to rally the lords of the North behind House Stark once again (Jon was done fighting) and she was the one to offer Bran the role of Lord of WF when he returned from Beyond the Wall.

Despite being loyal to their family in their own way, both Daemon and Sansa are disinherited by their king in favor of someone they love but that by law should have come after them.

By succession tradition and law the brother of a king becomes before the daughter of a king — unless women can inherit the throne which was not the case in Westeros at the time — so Daemon came before Rhaenyra in the line of succession, yet Viserys disinherited him to name Rhaenyra heir.

By law and tradition of succession Sansa as the trueborn eldest surviving daughter of Ned and Cat in the evenience of Robb dying without heirs (Bran and Rickon are both presumed dead) comes before Jon, the base born son of Ned Stark. (Jon himself says so “by law Winterfell belongs to my sister, Sansa”/“Winterfell belongs to my sister, Sansa”, even though Sansa is a Lannister, a murderess and apparently dissolved in thin air) yet Robb with his will disinherit Sansa to name Jon heir.

Everyone expected Daemon/Sansa to be angry at Jon/Rhaenyra because of it — Rhaenyra herself and the viewer when Jon was named KitN — instead what happened?

Daemon became Rhaenyra’ stauncher supporter and Sansa became Jon’s. Daemon supported Rhaenyra and Sansa supported Jon. When people expected Daemon to lash out when the terms of surrender were issued, he obeyed Rhaenyra order without issue; when the northern lords unsatisfied with Jon’ stay in Dragonstone offered the crown to Sansa, Sansa refused and defended Jon’s claim. All she did in s8 was to defend Jon’s claim to the North and the Realm.

And you know what else is incredible?

Daemon is suspected to have “caused” his first wife’ death and his second wife died in childbirth. Rhea Royce died after a fall from horseback — in the show Daemon kills her, but in the book she dies of the wounds later on, as the hit to the head might have caused her delayed death. Still Daemon is suspected to have caused it — the horse to unseat Rhea — and tried to inherit his wife’ keep.

Sansa “caused” her first betrothed, Joffrey’ death, by telling the truth to Olenna and Margaery which spurned them to have him killed at his own wedding feast. Sansa escapes and her first husband is almost killed for the crime — almost making her a widow.

Both Daemon and Sansa are more skilled than their counterpart in their competence. Daemon is the most skilled warrior of his time, Sansa has learned politics from the best and worst in it.

Daemon finds himself at odds with his brother with the war of the stepstones and Sansa finds herself at odds with her brother whilst in KL as she has to navigate and survive the southern court and Joffrey.

Yet both return to their brother in the end, Sansa by remaining true to her Stark identity (“I am not your daughter, I am the Lord Eddard and lady Catelyn’s daughter. The blood of Winterfell”/ “what if it is truth he wants and justice for his lady?”) and Daemon by winning and giving the crown to his brother.

Sansa wins the battle of bastards through her alliance with the Knights of the Vale and lets her brother take the crown.

Sansa and Daemon are both described as beautiful, charming and dashing. But Daemon is mercurial and Sansa is called a witch for her apparent part in Joffrey’ death.

Both Daemon and Sansa are advisors in their capacity to their brother/king though they have to clamor to be recognised any degree of validity. Sansa has to fight to gain the right to be Jon’s advisor even if he chooses Davos as chief advisor as Viserys chose Otto.

Daemon’s children are the one who inherit the Iron throne after the DotD. Sansa’s children will inherit WF and the North after asoiaf is done.

Jon = Rhaenyra

Jon and Rhaenyra are the odd ones out of this.

Rhaenyra knew her place, she prayed for a brother to inherit the Iron throne just like Jon would have died to defend Robb or any of his siblings (and in the book he does die for fakeArya). But both are ambitious.

Rhaenyra accepts she will be queen and makes of it her identity; Jon dreamed of become Lord of Winterfell before he knew what that entailed.

Both Rhaenyra and Jon expect that their orders — despite their intentions — will be followed, even when they go against hundreds of years of tradition. Rhaenyra as Queen and Jon believes the NW will follow to war against the Boltons when the NW has been neutral for thousand of years. And both pay the ultimate price for it. Death.

Jon is killed by his sworn brothers, Rhaenyra is killed by her brother’s dragon.

Both Rhaenyra and Jon have the temper of their family but they control it for the most part. It takes really big things for it to be spiked. Luke’s death for example.

Both Rhaenyra and Jon are intertwined with fake relationships. Both cause the death of their first lover/spouse.

Rhaenyra marries Laenor to keep the Velaryon in her corner, Laenor who is a gay man — in the book she is much less understanding of it btw — and their relationship is fake and her children aren’t his. In the show she loves him platonically, though I don’t remember that being the case in the book. In the end, whether his death is faked or not, Rhaenyra causes that. Either by having him killed — as they say in the book — or by having him fake his death to marry Daemon to strengthen her claim.

Jon has a “fake” relationship with Ygritte (you know what I think of her in the book) to make sure his undercover mission is accomplished. In the end Jon’ mission is accomplished and even though he “fell in love with her” he still left her and the war between them ended up claiming her life.

After the death of the heir — Balon and Bran and Rickon — Rhaenyra and Jon are both raised to the role of heir by their king with a decree that disinherited/snubbed the previous law-ful heir (Sansa/Daemon).

At the same time, Viserys/Robb have other heirs. Viserys marries and has sons (who have sons), Rickon and Bran are both alive though presumed dead who could end up threatening Jon’s claim once the will becomes active after Jon’ return from the dead.

They have sexual tension with the snubbed heir and value them as advisors though they don’t always agree with their politics.

Jon feels that Sansa’ opinion demeans him before the Lords — tho he names her regent — and Rhaenyra distrust Daemon not to declare war without her say-so.

And yet both Jon and Rhaenyra gain the ripe of Sansa and Daemon’ loyalty.

Even if Jon and Sansa don’t always see eye to eye, Sansa loyalty to Jon is what gets him out of KL alive, without Daemon’ skills as warrior Rhaenyra’ war would have ended long before it started.

Sansa and Daemon both are against Jon and Rhaenyra to surrender their crown, and work to keep the other half in their role.

And you know what? There’s more.

Gifts giving — belonging to a House

Daemon and Sansa both have something that defines their belonging to House Stark.

Sansa’s wolf-bit and Daemon’ sword — which, do I have to go down the sexual metaphor about Sansa’ bosom and Daemon’ sword? — and both whilst speaking of heirs/reading to war to defend the claim to the crown gift the other half something that signifies their belonging to the House as well.

Rhaenyra’ necklace and Jon’s cloak. Both items which Rhaenyra and Jon puts on and basically keeps on for ever — like it was a fucking joke how long Jon kept the cloak on even on Dragonstone —also Rhaenyra necklace resembles a chain (chain of command) and same with Jon’s cloak stripes (which resemble a chain of command).

Rhaenyra confronts Daemon about her being named heir — and perhaps we’ll have something similar in the books for Jon and Sansa. Tho we have something akin to that when Arya confronts Sansa about Jon having the crown and Sansa liking the attention.

Yet both Sansa and Daemon stand strong in their loyalty to Jon above anyone else.

Protecting — destroying some of the earliest and greatest threats the other claim

Vaemond is one of the earliest threats to Rhaenyra rule, just as we know LF has been playing against Jon all along, yet both Sansa and Daemon defend the other half by killing the offender.

Arya and Bran serve as the Viserys in the comparison, because it’s Sansa who passes the sentence (as Arya herself points out) the same way as Daemon is the one who decided to kill Vaemond instead of letting Viserys order of having his tongue removed to be carried out.

Thus removing the earliest threat to the other one’.

Also, both Daemon and Sansa destroyed indirectly or directly another threat to Jon and Rhaenyra by killing Aemond and Daenerys who had the attitude (both of them) of destroying the Realm to take the Iron throne if needed. Aemond would not have taken Aegon’ claim from him but if Aegon had died of his wounds before Rhaenyra was executed, with Maelor and Jaehaerys dead Aemond stood the greatest threat to Rhaenyra. Daemon killed Aemond and Sansa plotted to have the truth about Daenerys uncovered and indirectly causing her death through Jon.

Supporting the other as ruler

Daemon becomes Rhaenyra supporter just as Sansa becomes Jon’s. Even as snubbed heirs they love the new heir and when the time comes they are there, by their side, defending them.

Also, never forget that Sansa/Daemon are always on the side of the consort when it comes to Jon/Rhaenyra whilst that is not true for other characters, who are always afforded place of importance, but not that of the consort.

When Corlys comments on Viserys lack of action in the Stepstones Daemon replies that he can speak of his brother how he well wishes but that is not the truth for others. Similarly Sansa defends Jon (“he’s our king, he’s doing what he thinks best”) even tho she shares the lords preoccupations.

Despite not always seeing eye to eye with Daemon, he is a trusted advisor to Rhaenyra who listens to him. In the same way, despite feeling the need of Sansa’ validation, Sansa is his trusted advisor to the point Jon entrusts the whole of the North to her.

So, yeah, I raise you the Daemyra is the Targaryen version of Jonsa, with Daemon and Rhaenyra being worse people than Jon and Sansa are combined. By ey, there’s a dark streak to the Starks not to be underestimated.

#Jonsa #Jonsa agenda #Jonsa fam #Jonsa parallels #daemon and Rhaenyra as the Targaryen version of Jon and Sansa #Jonsa vs Daemyra #reverse Daemon and Rhaenyra #daemon = Sansa #Rhaenyra = Jon #I mean it’s right there #I cannot be the only one to see this #Jonxsansa #Daemyra is serving Jonsa vibes #I mean… Jon killed his “lover” for Sansa (we know D was threatening Sansa) just like Rhaenyra killed/had killed her lover to be with Daemon #I mean Daemon used his skills to keep Rhaenyra on the throne and Sansa used her skill to keep Jon alive and safe #If that ain’t peak Jonsa vibe I don’t know what they’re supposed to be doing #And if I am right then Sansa’ children should be Jon’s — like Daemon’ sons who inherited the throne were with Rhaenyra

[mus-xpart-a]

Biology in Evangelion: Angel blood is blue, so why is Tabris’ red? - A theory

To start this off: 

This is about the original series + EoE, so any Lore or Explanations added or changed by the rebuilds is not acknowledged. 

This heavily relies on my interpretation, which does slightly alter the meanings of certain terms

My knowledge on biology ends at 8th grade so I’m sorry if any of this is painfully wrong / explained very poorly.

I have never had any training when it comes to writing in english so this is all over the place and has many grammar errors

Introduction

The other day I thinking about the difference between lilim / human and the seed of Adam. Specifically their blood. Beings of Adam (angels) have blue blood and beings of Lilith (humans/Lilim) have red blood.

Sooo… why does Kaworu / Tabris have red blood? We know he has red blood because of his eyes (red eyes are when there is no pigment and the light reflects the blood cells), and after unit 1 squishes him and is being cleaned off we see her hand is covered in RED blood. (Like I said earlier this is just about the original series & EoE, but I find it important to note that there is no ignoring the fact that his blood is VERY red in the rebuilds as well)

Tabris is of Adam, shouldn’t his blood be blue? If his blood is red, does that mean he’s less of an Angel? Is he really an Angel at all? I thought about these questions for far too long, and actually got quite frustrated at some points due to what seemed to be inconsistencies, until I realised it all makes sense.

Tabris does not have the biology of an angel, but that doesnt change the fact that he is one. Why is that?

What is an Angel?

Before I get too into it, I want to define what an Angel is in Evangelion. What an angel is, is defined by the characters in the show without knowing the big picture. The definition being the 15 children of Adam are Angels. In my interpretation an Angel is any and every being directly related to Adam. So Lilith isn’t an angel, and its offspring and clones aren’t either. They are Humans / Lilim. As an example following this logic, Evangelion Unit 1 (clone of Lilith) and all Lilim (offspring of Lilith) are not angels, and Adams children (Sachiel, Ramiel, Sandalphon etc) as well as Unit 0 and Unit 2 (clones of Adam) are.

I am very aware that Lilith is referred to as an Angel (specifically as the second Angel), but that is only because, like I said earlier, the characters that defined what an angel is didn’t really have the big picture in mind, nor did they have much information to go off of. Lilith isn’t of Adam, so it doesn’t make sense for it to be called an Angel. The humans found it after finding Adam, so they just assumed they are the same.

About clones

We know clones inherit the biology of their source body, even if the clone itself isn’t a 1to1 copy. So for example Rei is a clone of a Lilim (Yui), so her blood is red. As seen in her eyes and the bandages covering her many many injuries throughout the series are stained red. There’s no denying it, reis blood is red. This makes sense.

And this isn’t just for Humans / Lilim, it also applies to beings of Adam. We see this with unit 2 (a clone of Adam) in her fight with Zeruel and in EoE when she fights the mass produced Evas that her blood is also the lovely shade of blue associated with angels. (Note: To my knowledge we never see unit 0s blood, but if anyone has some scenes from the original series where we do see her bleed, let me know). 

The blue blood is not something unique to Unit 2. We never see Adam bleed, however we do see that his offspring (not clones, but still related) do in fact have blue blood. Unit 1s fight with Sachiel in the second episode shows and confirms this best. This is why angels are “Pattern Blue”. It’s for their blue blood type. 

Clone "genetics"

(We get a bit more into my personal interpretations here, but bear with me.)

Everything related to Lilith has red blood and everything related to Adam has blue blood. 

…Right? Well, not always. 

An example of this not always being completely being true is the same example I used earlier. Unit 2. Unit 2 is also related to Lilith.

Yes, she is a clone of Adam, but her soul is from Asuka’s mom, a Lilim. Unit 2 in my opinion is better described as being related to Lilith because of her soul. Who you are is determined by your soul and not necessarily your body.

So, she is related to Lilith and Adam simultaneously. But is better described as of Lilith despite being biologically of Adam.

So Clones biology is determined by the source BODY and not the biology of the original souls host, despite the souls source being better used to describe who / what the person or being is.

Where am I going with this? 

Personally I believe that Kaworu is also clone of a Lilim. Which is why he can pass as human, and looks so similar to Rei. Both having red eyes, pale skin, light hair, a thinner body, and looking rather sickly. Now, I do not know if this is canon or not, but if it isn’t ever outright stated it’s pretty heavily implied in my opinion. 

Tabris says that Rei is “like him”. And he isn’t referring to the fact he’s an Angel, because Rei isn’t an angel. She has Liliths soul. Lilith isn’t an angel. But she also isn’t really Lilith. Yes, she is the Vessel for its soul but they are still referred to as different beings. Just like how Kaworu is the vessel for Adams soul, but Tabris and Adam are seen as seperate beings, seperate Angels even.

So, he must be referring to the fact that they are both clones of Lilim housing the souls of other beings, Lilith and Adam respectively. 

Who Tabris is a clone of is a mystery. I personally like the theory that it’s Dr. Katsuragi (Misatos dad) but in the end it’s irrelevant. What’s relevant is that he is a clone of a Lilim. And like i determined earlier, clones inherit their biology from the source of the body, and not the biology of what originally housed their soul. 

In conclusion:

Despite his soul being (of) Adam and being an angel, due to the fact that he is a clone of a Lilim, Tabris’ blood is red, and not Blue.

#let me know your thoughts!! #i have been writing this for weeks #she/her for the Evas because fuck you its my analysis and i do what i want #“Who you are is determined by your soul and not necessarily your body. ” or maybe im just trans lmao #evangelion #neon genesis evangelion #kaworu nagisa #rei ayanami #media analysis #nge