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aroaessidhe · 8 months

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2023 reads

Wren Martin Ruins It All

YA contemporary romcom

student council president proposes to cut the school valentine’s dance because it's expensive and alienating for queer/single people, but instead the vice president (who he adamantly hates for being perfect) suggests they get sponsored by a popular friendship app

he decides to secretly give the app a go to “know his enemy” but ends up making a friend, and starts to catch feelings for him...and maybe realises the guy he hates isn't actually so bad either...

ace mlm MC, aro-questioning side character

I loved this so much! great MC with a funny internal monologue

despite the title most issues or misunderstanding are sorted out pretty quickly rather than drawn out for the drama and plot. which is refreshing

I was a little nervous about the concept of ‘ace hates the school dance and wants it shut down’ - there's a bit of a stereotype of aspecs being boring Fun Haters - but I think it did a really good job of showing the specifics of why, not dragging it out, and also that he’s just a snarky fun hater in general with not much weight behind it.

There’s also no discovering of sexuality or big coming out (just one-on-one) - he already knows he’s ace, and it comes up naturally a bunch, talking about how dances etc can feel isolating, the way the friendship app called buddy being called ace-friendly can feel infantilizing, avoiding dating because of the stress of having to check upfront if people about it, etc.

I would have liked to know more about his relationship with his mum? Though I understand that it’s clearly something he avoids thinking about - going too deep into his relationship with his parents might have changed the tone a lot. but still.

ARC from netgalley thanks netgalley

#wren martin ruins it all #aroaessidhe 2023 reads #asexual books #ngl as soon as i was like oh this boy is elliot schafer coded i was a lost cause #(re aro character - I have noticed a bit of a trend of “maybe aromantic but I don’t like labels” in YA #contemporary recently that I don’t love - but it’s not an inherent issue with this book)#I’ve read a lot of YA contemporary books where the portrayal of social media and made up apps doesn’t feel right; but this one did to me!#maybe it’s because it’s from the POV of someone’s who’s cynical about it.#(and types no punctuation no capitalisation…I could see my online-communication style reflected back at me…)#Even the confrontation at the end where feelings are confessed isn’t made into some big dramatic thing in front of everyone with no #communication. But it also doesn’t feel emotionally anticlimactic.#(maybe a couple of the reveals in the confession felt unnecessarily dramatic to me? like the story would have functioned without them. )#but it's common for comtemporary ya to overdramatise silly things for the plot and im glad this didn't #possibly this is just my adult opinion about teen narratives.#The adult characters (even though they’re mostly background) feel like real people.#and it has some good friendships. also he has chickens and they are very good #it did become increasingly obvious that it was the same ppl but also they’re emotionally stupid. and like….it's part of the genre.#we all know this going in.

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nylarac · 23 days

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while it is sad that booping is gone now i am glad the notifications are still here it's fun going through and checking out everyone's blogs

a lot of them are mutuals whose blogs i probably haven't been on directly since i originally followed or ppl who booped me randomly who i now follow <3

i really liked booping not only for the reasons everyone says (low stakes way to interact, watch number go up, etc) but bc it gave me a reason to go to ppl's blogs and read their little bios and it's like. wrow that's a whole live person who interacted w me

which maybe is weird to say but i follow literal thousands of ppl and since a lot of them mostly just reblog posts and rarely make personal ones/talk in the tags (which is a fine way to use the site btw not knocking this) a lot of the time it feels more like the posts just kind of appear on my dash and i kind of forget there's an actual person behind all of them

there are ofc plenty of mutuals/long time followers who stood out beforehand whether bc we have exchanged messages before or bc i just see them in my notifications a lot but like considering the sheer amount of ppl i follow there are a ton where this is the most we've interacted outside of reblogging lol

booping just felt like more of a community and it was really nice and fun i will miss it

#i did notice that there were a few beloved mutuals who booped me that i didn't boop back bc i didn't see #some got kinda drowned in notifications and i wasn't able to check as much later in the day bc of Obligations #but know i am booping u back in my mind #i also noticed while checking ppl's blogs that there were a few long time mutuals who i was no longer following somehow??#this has been corrected lol

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ii-zi · 5 months

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fun fact I was born with hair so extremely straight I couldn't keep a hair tie, pin, or heat curl in my head for the life of me

I barely cut my hair (to this day) but once randomly we decided to chop of more than a foot of length and my hair was never straight again. for some fucking reason

#I've lost hair bc health issues but ive got thick hair genes so i still have quite a lot of it lol #thinking abt chopping it to my mid upper back to help it regain a lil bounce #it's quite long rn and the weight makes it flatter bc i do not have a tight curl pattern #my mom used to complain so much about my hair bc she's always had curls and didn't know what to do with mine lol #she'd give mr ponytails so tight i looked permanently surprised but i could feel the hair tie slipping even as i walked out of the house #it's so funny now bc i havent worn my hair tied outside the house in like 8 years lol #also the change was probs like hormones or something bc if my calculations r right #(bc no i do not remember any of this lol i remember telling ppl about it n like. remembering it)#it was right before i started going gray!#it's been around a decade and the progress has been slower than i anticipated but it's still noticeable!#or so I've been told lol i dont look at my hair that much. it's dark n the mirror's lighting is shit JDKDDKDJ

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dykeinthedark · 6 days

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venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem

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starwrote · 9 months

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𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 @ 𝐝𝐚𝐬𝐡. 💕

#ooc / binx speaks.#my dash has been quieter than normal. and noticing bad vibes.#i think the best thing we could all do is communicate differences/issues #or if we can't- try our best to move forward in our own separate safe space #please know im always here to talk if someone needs it #(ik my mistake of posting ai art yesterday prolly made ppl iffy towards me- but i honestly didn't know it was at /that/ depth.)#(and i appolgized and removed it/ but i always need that help with 'hey just letting you know about x-y-z of this.)#anyways tumblr is our fun space even tho staff keeps fucking with platform. <3 its time for me to send positivity asks again!!

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ladyhavilliard · 7 months

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So. I think I do fixate on people, huh.

#i think part of it is that when i notice ppl paying attention to me #i get very conscious of it and start thinking about them a lot #i am pretty sure that is what happened the last time i convinced myself i had a crush #now i definitely think it isn't a crush #but that person was actually paying attention to me and remembers so much random shit that I didn't expect 😭😭😭#it was a bit of a creepy realization ngl. but it was all things i have either said or posted on my insta story so it's not “stalker creepy”#just... unexpected and weird ig #anywaysssss #now I keep on thinking about stuff he said yesterday #or things I could have said #and the fact that he was paying so much attention to me is just... doing things to my brain #i don't know if i like it #HSBSHDHSUA I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE KNEW WHAT THE GRISHAVERSE WAS but he remembered my love for Wylan #and said that I am probably a big wesper fan and that I love wylan cause I relate to him and am probably a hufflepuff #which... none of it was wrong or difficult to see. just wtf SINCE WHEN DO YOU KNOW SIX OF CROWS #i was too curious about his analysis of me to actually ask about that #but know i can't stop thinking about it. got me totally flabbergasted. has he read soc??? or did he watch the show???? none?? both???

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britneyshakespeare · 6 days

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i have been working with kids for four years and i had to write my first ever note just now about a seventh grade boy being inappropriate towards me. i don't know what the hell this could possibly lead to or what. he was trying to feel my legs repeatedly to the point where i had to stop sitting next to him (and i was subbing for his one-to-one para!!!). he's got high support needs. in that kind of job, you're supposed to sit next to them all day and look over their work.

the teacher whose classroom this was happening in could also tell something was wrong. the whole class was acting kinda crazy because it was the day before school vacation week and there was another class coming in to share projects. so like, he was swamped with keeping order already. but we were sitting two feet away from his podium at the front of the room. the kid was giving him and me a hard time when he wouldn't take out his chromebook as he was instructed. and then when he did take out his chromebook, he immediately, for some reason, places it on my lap. he had been ogling my legs the whole time. he puts his computer ON MY LAP. and i'm just like, stunned, because what the hell? can you not keep it on your own lap, for some reason? i don't even know what to say, i just hold it a little above my lap while i'm thinking why on earth would this be happening? he would NOT do this to his regular para if she were here, would he? this can't be normal.

and the teacher sees this and within a minute places a stool in front of the kid for him to put his laptop on. and i'm like. oh ok. yeah. he notices exactly what's happening and that that's not appropriate. and then when the other class comes in to share projects he tells me "miss b——, you don't actually have to sit next to c—— this whole period if you don't want to." and he grabs me a chair for me to go sit with the other paras in the back opposite corner of the room. like he KNEW. and thank you mr. d—— for recognizing that because i was just kind of shocked and didn't know if i was overreacting in my head to all of this.

when there's a point in the class where the kids are discussing stuff, i privately mention what's happened to the para who's sitting closest to me. and she says that the thing about him calling me pretty is something he's been known to do, but the fact that he kept trying to touch my legs is new behavior. and that's a completely different class of behavior. i was telling him NO, don't do that, and he kept doing it. and the fact that he was calling me pretty repeatedly, even when i was giving him instructions that he wasn't taking. and this is the second to last class before the end of the day, so she says she'll take a walk with him before learning center and talk to him about it, and i'm grateful for that. she does. the kid apologizes to me as soon as i come into learning center. but like. WHAT the hell.

i'm STILL like what the hell. this is unfathomable to me. the other adults who i told about this or who witnessed it were supportive of me. but. what to do??? i wrote a long note to his regular para about this, because i knew she was going to hear about it at least from the first para i told. the second para i told about it after school had a kind of... i'm not gonna say enabling reaction, but i suppose since it had already been "taken care of" (or at least, he had been spoken to and apologized) she didn't really have much to add in the way of discipline. i told her what happened after school and she was just like... a little bit, laughing? like oh, yup, that dog. she at the very least confirmed he KNEW what he was doing, that that was not an accident. she said to me "i had a feeling he was going to develop a crush on you" (me and these other paras were together for most of the beginning of the day too). but it's like. it's not about that.

i have worked with children for FOUR years. children have had crushes on me before; i'm quite unfazed by it. boys from the ages of 5-to-15 have told me i'm so pretty before and asked me to marry them. i've never had them feeling up my legs before. i've never had them making me physically uncomfortable. it's NOT about this seventh grader having a crush on the pretty substitute. he is NOT unusual for that, at all. but i've never had a boy of any age or education level repeatedly touching my knees and thighs. THAT is problem behavior!!!

because what if i wasn't assertive enough with him to tell him to stop? what if i was a girl his age? worse, what if i was an adult who encouraged this behavior? i don't come to the middle school to be a seductress. i had no intention in putting on a pair of tights and a skirt this morning of being viewed as an attractive object, especially not by a pubescent boy. what if i did though? what if his interpretation of me wasn't so incorrect and offensive? what if i let him keep touching me inappropriately and saying flirtatious things to me? me, an adult in my mid-twenties, towards a middle school boy?

in no world would that be ok. if i had been feeling up and overly-complimenting a CHILD at my place of work, holy shit would there be reports about me. so a child acting that way could never be ok either. if it'd be firable for me to be reciprocating that action, then that action should not be happening to me. ever. and that child should never repeat that action again to any other adult again.

like i am simply not there to be treated as an attractive young woman. i put on a skirt that shows too much knee and get paired with a boy, though, and that's apparently just a natural consequence. hooo-ly shit. like i don't know what to do. first of all, the more time passes since this has happened, the more i am just unable to stop thinking about it. i wasn't "hurt" or too emotional in the moment but i'm just still processing it and it gets worse. i'm just more and more disgusted.

i don't know what i expect to come out of this, or the email i sent to his regular para. like, am i gonna have to attend a fucking meeting? what is the precedent that this sets for him? WHY do i feel BAD for him about this? well, because he's a child, of course. a child who has done wrong he may not be able to understand. but he knows WHAT he did. he just doesn't know WHY it was wrong.

and i couldn't even say something to him that was like, "well, how would you like it if i was touching you like this?" because young boys do not understand how inappropriate it'd be. i'm sure this kid thought he was gonna get away with what he was doing at the very least. but probably not unlikely he (being a child with no concept of how wrong it'd be) thought he could get some sort of "positive" attention for treating me like this. either way he was simply doing what he wanted to do, with no perspective of how it would make me feel or that it could be classified as harassment. teenage boys think it'd be awesome if the older attractive woman would reciprocate their affections. they're wrong. i, as the older attractive woman of his affection, cannot be the one to convince him of that, though.

i don't know. i don't know. like it's just so not ok. but if i didn't tell another adult about this, he would've gotten away with it. he would probably do it again. and him being in trouble for it is not the same as him understanding that it was wrong. unless someone has a REAL talk with him about inappropriate attention and consent, it's not unlikely that he'll just repeat the behavior in a setting where he thinks he won't be caught or told on. THAT'S the problem. me, i could just never have to be this boy's para again. in my email, i didn't say that i would never be ok working with or around him ever again. he already knows i didn't like it and i'm not afraid to tell on him; as far as that lesson applies to me, individually, i think he's become too ashamed to repeat that.

i don't know. i don't know. i very much expressed that i, i guess, "forgave" him in the email that i wrote. i clarified that i was writing it for the sake of having it on the record. i think that could potentially be very important for the purposes of preventing further similar or escalating behavior from him in the future. i don't want him to be in trouble. i don't think i will be blamed for this, especially not with how promptly i acted, although i don't know to what extent this will be framed as me thinking i'm a "victim." i'm not... i don't feel victimized. i feel disgusted. i feel afraid for the sake of what could happen to or with him in the future, if he thinks behavior like his towards me today is ok.

i feel like if i end up having to further respond to this, this will be made about me. in a way it kind of was. is? in the moment it was happening, it was certainly about me. because i was the one this boy was giving all this unwanted attention to. but to make the consequences of this about me and to involve me any further, i also don't want. because i said what i said already, i don't care if a student has a crush on me. this isn't about me being the pretty substitute. i'm the pretty substitute all the time, to tons of people. that's not really something i've been concerned about up until now.

but do i have to reexplain my personal embarrassment? that i was wearing a skirt? that he was ogling my legs? really? what more do i have to gain from sharing that, other than having the adults at my place of work confirm or deny me in their heads as the pretty substitute? i don't know. perhaps that's REALLY overthinking it. but i don't want to be the substitute that caused a problem for this special ed kid. i don't wanna be the reason that he can't be around me anymore, the person people think of when they're monitoring how he's acting around girls and young women. i DON'T want to be the one people think of when they think of his past misbehavior. i'm NOT here for that.

that's just fucking humiliating. and in this being a thing that could follow him, i have to be ogled and touched over and over again in people's minds for this to be taken seriously. but for this to be swept under the rug would be even worse, no? i don't know. i hate this. the principal is a nice guy; i wouldn't be surprised if he and/or people from the special ed department reached out to me sympathetically about this. but i don't wanna be reached out to. i don't wanna have ppl i work with tell me "sorry that kid was just so attracted to you he couldn't help himself" like come on. if the kid himself doesn't change then i don't really care to remember this incident. and no one reaching out to me and saying they've talked to this kid will actually prove to me he understands. this is the kind of inappropriate behavior it takes years for people to understand why it was wrong, especially a child who has no idea. i mean come on.

#tales from diana #long post #sorry i should probably put this under a read more but it was just a long stream of consciousness #and idk. im tired. im so tired #do you wanna be known as the substitute teacher a kid kept touching inappropriately? probably not #thank god for the first para i told bc she took it really seriously seemingly. i mean idk what she told him in their conversation #not EXACTLY what she told him. she obviously said this was wrong and she reiterated in learning center again #that if that were her daughter she'd be through the roof and that she'd be telling his regular para #i mean of course i had to tell the regular para directly. i would rather it come from my mouth #i'm the one who has the most information of how and why it happened. i think other ppl telling it would just reduce it to #'he thought she was so pretty and he kept staring at and touching her legs cuz she wore a skirt' like come on #the indignity of that!#i already feel undignified enough.#and also thank god for the social studies teacher. the more im processing this the more im like thank god #i dont know him well. he had already been a nice dude to me before in my interactions w him #like as a sub you notice the people who are really affirming of the strange and irregular work you do #earlier this week i was subbing for the math teacher across the hall for instance and he came in before class started and said #that if anyone's giving me a hard time to just send them to him. bc that group can be a little rowdy/wild #my classroom discipline skills are not that bad where i felt the need to have someone more experienced defend me so to speak #like i know i look young and am assumed to be new. but with most classes. i can handle most misbehavior #i can put my foot down in a way kids normally respect. i know how to keep em on task #and for MOST of the day with this kid that's what i was doing. but if that social studies teacher hadn't done what he did #i might not feel so bold in just straight up walking away from that kid. after saying stop stop stop repeatedly #like he had his own job to do independent of me but i remember the gestures and like. i could cry. he KNEWWWW #that's just a very trustworthy person i feel. he didn't want me to suffer through that any longer #a lot of teachers (unfortunately) largely ignore the kids with paras and/or expect the paras to communicate to the kid exclusively #that teacher is not like that. he was willing to mind that boy while i escaped that situation. so so grateful to him

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epicwonderz · 10 months

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genuinely feel like the idea of callouts have kind of ruined the online interaction scape. like i feel like in some incarnations they have been good such as addressing a person who had admitted to bad they have done (or refuses to) or informs others of popular mediaheads folks may not know are bigoted (like authors or writers). but i think its awful how people will just whole heatedly agree with and take any call out they see at face value with out of context discord screenshots no links 'i heard froms' random personal gripes straight up fabricated nonsense and internet telephone exaggerating and stretching the truth. especially when those who are called out the most tend to be trans women because they are 'easier targets' of false accusation because of their already assumed 'degeneracy'. its kind of vile vile and awful and people will not even look at what they were supposedly accused of/called out for and just spread it going uhuh uhuh i always knew they were bad or no wonder everyone like [x] turns out this way or i never liked them anyway everything they've ever made is horrible i hope they die , instead of like , looking more into these accusations and the motives of the accusor especially if the person called out is already of a group disenfranchised and because of the nature of these callouts they are just spread behind the persons back as their friends and followers slowly drop one by one leading to total social exile instead of the writer of the call out themself actually like, talking to the person who they believe has committed such a great and original sin or something. if youve ever once reblogged from or mentioned this person you agree with all of their political beliefs and family values now you're apart of the problem even if you didn't do a thing. its kind of horrible and evil and i hope some day this era will subside but seriously i cannot imagine people who write up tens of callouts a week can be like ok and aren't really just exploiting the fact you can accuse the most hated margins of whatever and have people back you up for it under the guise of justice and eradicating evil. just have a civil discussion or something idk

#its like late late but just a rambling of ours #this isnt to say every callout EVER is bad but i notice a lot on tumblr they will be over stupid shit you can block ppl or have a priv convo #about that gets blown into this huge thing where the person accused is like harassed endlessly and 9 times out of 10 its false #or even if the person was really awful it was heavily exaggerated which is still a mutilation of the truth #or people demand you disconnect yourself with anything ever regarding that person or add you to that dirt even if you didn't know them #because like you reblogged a post from them once

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