#I don’t even feel human anymore

[second-emotion]

🥛🥛🥛🥛

#milestones aren’t real milestones aren’t real milestones aren’t real #I’m not even a real version of myself so who gives a fuck if the externally engineered facade gets to graduate if the creature within is #entirely ignored #beyond the multitude of gender issues #i don’t even feel human anymore #delete later #i want to have memories that don’t make my stomach hurt

[virgothozul]

Ok. I have listened to the people. I have watched the thing. It is very wholesome.

Kazu comes home. He is hopeless and tipsy. And he swings between excited and wasted.

#I am SICK of Miri’s voice ngl #I know kids are loud. And make a mess of EVERYthing. That’s why i stay away. #But for Kazurei ; I made it to the end #They are precious #Rei is so cute I love this guy #He has 0 human skill and still is effortlessly hilarious and a little cutie 👏💖 #i wish we had more of their relationship bc they have sth really special #They never question their trust in each other like it never crosses their mind. They disagree almost all the time but they never part #It’s more natural than breathing. They’re always saying stuff like « it’s not fit to involve other people in our way of life » #it’s not even an option to live apart. They clearly will spend all their lives together #Except that scene it’s so weird when Kazu says « hum with Miri gone we don’t have a reason to live together anymore » lol man #Not as if you guys were already joined at the hip before meeting her. But I get the «the family life changed us now sth’s missing #and it feels incomplete ». But still guys. You are soul mates. #Also the « of course he comes with me. He’s my partner. » line 💕💍 #even if at some point they meant to part ways ; really they can’t be separated. #kazurei #No homo daddies #Buddy daddies #kazuki x rei #Domestic gays

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake…. #I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour. #I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing? #y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day. #but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!! #I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

[quietwingsinthesky]

the last unicorn post from earlier has me thinking about the master. that yana is still in there, you know? is still someone he was, if even for a brief flash across the life of a time lord. there’s no way to unlive that life. there are ways to twist it later, sure, to make utopia into hell on earth. but the life was lived. in much the same way that the doctor can remember, can feel, the love he held onto as john smith even as that life is ripped out of his hands. the doctor choose denial and then grief and then to shutter it all away. and so john smith died, and so professor yana died, and the doctor and the master live on. the doctor has done this before, and he lives in orbit around humanity, trying to keep the best parts of them and hold them deep enough to take root (which he can pretend he gets to choose, as a time lord. as a human, it all floods in and can’t be dug back out.) but what about the master, right?

to borrow a turn of phrase: i think there are two time lords left in the universe, and they both learned how to regret.

#regret here meaning less feeling the emotion of actual regret obviously because time lords do not actually funxtion on unicorn rules. they #already get sad just fine on their own. no humanity needed for that. #but i dont know. i just dont think he brushed it off so easily. i think he did a hell of a job convincing himself he did. #and what better way then to twist his own great works and destroy the species he was working so hard to save at the end of the universe. #but what about the knowledge that he *could* be that person. that somewhere in him exists a version that wanted to save people. #a version that is painfully too much like the doctor. even. now is that part worse or better than the human part? #but if past regenerations are ghosts i think yana deserves a haunt. #anyway maybe ignore this one im rambling about nothing here #theres just. i dont know. what if you were the last of your kind and in surviving you made yourself Not Like Them in a way you’ll never #escape. #i mean doctor who is just so concerned with all these plots about hybrids and children of the tardis and clones and What Makes A Time Lord. #but they’re so obsessed with it in just. a very Lore way. is what it feels like. we get brushes of more like with jenny and how she’s #physically a time lord and the doctor denies her that inheritance. a shared suffering… #but me myself im just fascinated with the doctor and the master as the time lords who survived. but they survived Wrong #its. its. children of gallifrey that don’t belong to her anymore. you know? #i dont care if river’s got time lord dna!!! or the metacrisis is physically human!!! i dont care!!! talk to me about what it means beyond #their blood and bones!!! what’s it like to have your sense of self stripped from you like that!!! #what’s it like when so much of you is the shed skin of time lords past. but one of you was human. one of you was painfully *humiliatingly* #human!!! #enough about how much dna you need to count as a time lord. i want to know how much they can mutate until they can’t be recognized as one. #does that make sense?

[blue-eli]

Ink October day sixteen: Alienated

socially disoriented.

having become indifferent or hostile to one's peers or social group.

Isolated; excluded; estranged.

#kh vanitas #kingdom hearts vanitas #kingdom hearts #kh #kh bbs #thirteen true darknesses #blue boi draws #ink october 2022 #ink October 2022 day 16 #to clarify: I don’t think he’s the one of the thirteen darknesses that possessed Ventus. #I don’t think that being is around anymore it’s been fully digested by Ven #but I DO think Vanitas (and Ventus before him) sorta… inherited the title in the eyes of the other darknesses? #Vanitas is not one of the original ‘True Darknesses’. but by many he WOULD be considered one. but he has been human #and LIKED being human I think. so even if he chose to join them again I think he’d feel very out of place. hes too different. #How much can you change and get away with it，before you turn into someone else，before it's some kind of murder? (~Richard Siken)

[legendairyghouls]

Back on my happy little reread of tg…

I’m at the turning point, when Kaneki finally snaps in Aogiri. He brought up his aunt and her family, the Asaokas, and it made me wonder what how a reunion might go. If not with his aunt, then with his cousin Yuichi. They weren’t the most pinnacle part of his life growing up, but they definitely didn’t help him on his path. I wonder if he forgives his aunt for her abuse. Or if he doesn’t, I wonder if he’d give her the time of day if they were to meet again.

#I can see him noticing her in a grocery store and just walking away lol #after all the shit he’s been through since then I don’t think it phases him #I’m still interested in what he might say to her if he bothered to say anything #and more so what she or the cousin would say to him #if they regret how they treated him or if they feel vindicated #don’t even get me started on if they found out he wasn’t even human anymore lol #tg #kaneki ken

[thecountandtheraven]

Using Will’s ig story reposts as a way to tell you tumblr ppl to go listen to Human Zoo their stuff is super cool 🫵

Extra propaganda if you need more reasons: (see under cut)

- they have 2 songs made with Will (���Aphrodite, your electric sexiness” and “Wealth & Hellness) both fucking amazing songs (but I’m assuming most ppl seeing this have probably already listened to both at least a little bit)

- become rachel

- they’re very fun & silly ppl look here

- and many more reasons i can’t think of rn bc I’m eepy

Are there any HZ listeners on tumblr bc if so I’ve seen nothing from yall. Rachel please reblog / reply (/nf)

#this is kind of a boring repost but idc i wanna spread #human zoo #propaganda to the tumblrinas #will wood ig story #will wood #wee woo #i feel like this also counts as a #raven’s ramblings #also unrelated but even tho i don’t use TT anymore I’m moots with someone who’s moots with HZ #so I’m like 3 degrees of separation from will probably idk if that counts #then again i did see someone say they’re 1 degree of separation from joe biden bc their sibling met him once so ig anything counts atp #so via transitive property Will is my best friend #this is some 3 am logic bs idk if this makes a lick of sense #human zoo band

[eye-of-yelough]

*has over an hour’s -maybe more- worth of posts in Aeryn’s tag*

*starts thinking about how much i want to change his name*

if anyone tells you the hardest part of making oc’s ISN’T choosing a name they’re lying. i’ve had this guy for two years. no name sounds right.

#GREAT. THANKS BRAIN. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT⁉️ #i picked it cos it sounded elfy but. he isn’t an elf anymore. and it’s too effeminate. and i stole it from a fucking farscape character. #not even a minor one! the protagonists love interest! played by claudia black!!! he can’t compete with that! #anyway what-the-fuck-ever. i’m stuck with it. i’m not doing all the re-tagging. i’m Not. idk know what i’d change it to really #i’ve got Tae rattling around in my head but i feel like it should be a nickname that’s short for something but. i don’t know what. #and he wouldn’t have a githyanki name he was raised by humans. i don’t know. i don’t know. #i just needed to complain #oc aeryn #your daily dose of idiocy

[sophism]

getting #panicky at the thought of having to return to work on Monday lols

#besties I just do not think I’m cut out for this life #I’m so tired and in such a bad mood all the time ever since I started lol #and I can feel it starting to change me already like so soon into it #it’s bc they give all the junior legal team the hard stuff to do #and it's just like step-grandfather rape and murder literally all day it's a lot #and then there's like literally zero support and we all have to work in isolation pretty much to avoid cross examination in cases #and then I start my PLT in earnest next month so I’ll be doing that full time + work + research + volunteering with a human rights org #and tbh all I want to do is go on a holiday for the next 5 years. #I don’t even want to be a solicitor anymore idek what I want to be. I want to bake and look at fashion all day lol #and IP law would be the closest thing and that doesn’t quite cut it

[ezraphobicsoup]

magical john drag king is exactly what alan moore meant about the ideaspace this absolutely existed in our collective consciousness as a human species

#or i guess the human species? who’s to say #ok i actually need to stop i don’t know what i’m thinking anymore #i can like vividly imagine magical john on a stage and real and i’m afraid #also yeah no this post probably doesn’t make sense to anyone else #ezra’s real life rambles #silly hours posting #<- hello my old friend i feel this is justified (ancients of mu mu?????) here #why am i being abnormal about the fucking klf book. what why how this isn’t good this isn’t a cool one to talk to people about #‘hey so you heard of this satire religion called discordianism? oh no you’re not? fair enough #surely you’re aware of self-referential reality tunnels though right? oh no you’re not. hm well how about the illuminatus! trilogy? #huh. ok. well to cut to the chase there was this band called the klf and they had like many hit singles #you’ll know some of them most likely. but uh ultimately they burned 1 million pounds in cash!! like straight up!! and it was filmed #some time afterwards (i think like 23 years?) they went around on an unusal tour showing off the footage #but at this point they weren’t making music anymore you see. so it wouldn’t even make sense as some publicity stunt #but yeah on this tour they go around and ask people why they (the klf) burned 1 million pounds #was it art? was it rock and roll? and most people go ‘it was stupid and selfish you entitled pricks’ #they both (drummond and cauty (the klf)) have a family yknow #like they both have wives and kids. one of them had like four children i think? #anyway the money burning happened on the 23rd of august 1994 in the island of jura’ #you can’t just say all of that to someone no one cares #ok for real i’m gonna go now and eventually sleep

[godblooded]

i forgot it was Father’s Day because i legitimately haven’t thought about mark in years and forget frequently that he’s a living being.

#ooc. mikkelsen vc: this week on kat valentine's hannibal. #[im gonna go get sonic I think then I’m gonna come home and write. interesting that I don’t care anymore??? like i don’t even feel bad. it’s #just another day. but I need a break and a slushie before I exist as a human. thank you all for being lovely. #if you don’t have a good dad I’m your dad now.] #Father’s Day /

[itgoeso]

.

#one of the most annoying parts of having bpd isn’t even part of the bpd itself but it's the stigma #and don’t get me wrong this shit is FUCKING HELL and very hard and embarrassing #but the way people think bpd is somehow the same thing as sociopathy or psychopathy is just like ?????????????? #and the way even doctors are so sensationalist about it and it does affect your overall hope for how you're gonna be able to #idk navigate life with it. because they make it look like someone who has bpd #is just the worst most difficult and awful human being on earth #like everyone else isn't difficult everyone else doesn't struggle w emotions or relationships or abandonment #and the way they approach it truly makes you feel like you're damaged for life and you're broken and you're doomed #i could go on and on about how this is just upsetting and like sometimes when people learn that i have bpd they're surprised #because i keep a lot of things and feelings to myself because i don't want to be the stereotype #i'm venting but what i mean is that i think the stigma around bpd just makes everything harder #for instance i feel the need to be centred because otherwise i'll be perceived as a bpd stereotype #so i can't get angry i can't get upset i can't get sad i can't miss someone i can't need someone #i can't fear not having someone in my life anymore i can't fear being alone and so on #i have to be manageable and cool and nonchalant and complaisant all the time #sometimes i feel like i'm not allowed to be a person BECAUSE i have bpd #but yeah i'm yet to learn to not give a shit about how people perceive me but there are days that this is harder than others

[britomart]

in the most torturous state of misery rn i feel like a dog being kicked around

#i’ve been tossing and turning for hours i don’t even feel human anymore

[lovelesslittleloser]

I’m my opinion, one of the greatest tropes is when a character either one, desperately doesn’t want to become/do/say/etc a thing, but then later on, that becomes the precise thing they’re striving for, or two, a character comes off as normal at first and then becomes/does/says/etc a thing that was unexpected (but if you read it again you’ll see hints dotted around).

Like, a character would say, ‘no, I refuse to befriend anyone here!’ or ‘I could never fall in love with such a person!’, but then later on in the series they have a large and close-knit group of friends and the other one just proposed

Or a character looks and acts normal for a large portion of the beginning but then they pop up with the ‘why would I be bothered if you killed them?’ or ‘I’ll do anything to make you mine!’

Okay I might have made one sound more positive than the other but honestly I like them more when it’s a violent change in the direction of violence, so shut up

So pretty much what I want in a series is for it to start off normally, probably a good amount of cliches, hopefully gay but I can only wish, maybe the mc is really unfriendly and made an enemy out of some hot guy really fast idk

But then later on in the series, the longer and more gradual the change the better, I could do for like eight seasons baby, they slowly change

They get a bigger and bigger friend group, they grow more and more accustomed to violence (probably a medieval fantasy setting because of course), and they fall more and more in love with the person they used to hate. Maybe even a bit too much in love with them, if you consider that to be a thing.

Mmmmmmmmm I want it but I feel like there’s a part of the equation that just makes these types of stories, but I can’t think of it for the life of me. Comedy? Being gay and doing a lot of crime? I mean I guess if it was advertised as like ‘person gets stuck in otome game, comedy ensues’ and ended up being bloody and violent I would be a little miffed but??

I feel like a witch trying to brew up the perfect concoction and trying not to ruin it by adding too much eye of newt or something god damn

#writing prompts #writing ideas #shitpost #I mean it’s kinda a shitpost? #honestly don’t know where I was going here but eh #honestly this isn’t even me being like ‘huh oh boy it sure would be cool if some stranger on the internet did this so I could read it’ #it’s more like ‘hmm I’d like cliches that slowly turn into originality maybe a zest of violence and could you make that bl for me? thanks’ #I feel like a stereotypical white girl ordering a drink at Starbucks #but I have bad taste #is this considered bad taste? #i don’t even know anymore #honestly if you read this much you deserve a reward for dealing with my bullshit #uh #I’m writing a humans are space orcs mha fic with shinsou as the mc but instead of suffering he eventually becomes an idol in space #mei does the instruments and sfx #eventually tomura’s going to be like a bodyguard and eri’s gonna be like. half-human or something #it’s lit #but I’m not gonna post it anytime soon because then I’ll feel responsible for making it and abandon it #was this how my dad felt when he left to get the milk? #lmao imma go cry myself to sleep love you <33

[pepprs]

i wish i’d kept pushing the point (<- vagueposting). im so tired i’m hitting a wall. but why is the answer to feeling bottomlessly lonely just to love myself and be loved by myself? isn’t that only more loneliness?

#purrs #i know being by myself is not aloneness. but like seriously are you actually serious that there is no one coming to save me? that I have to #walk around with this giant gaping wound forever and no one will be able yo close it? i need total nurturance and comfort badly and to have #any less than total is.. well i don’t want to say it’s as bad as having none at all because obviously it’s not true. but it’s still bad. it #makes it harder to ask for more when you already have some and have reached the limit of what you can ask for. i just feel bottomlessly #lonely. i know things will get better. but what i really need is a long hug and a good cry in someone’s arms. not isolating myself in a #cabin for a week (though i know i desperately need that too). like we’re human beings and we can do that for each other so why don’t we? why #can’t we fix each other? why can’t we be nurturing like that and fill the voids for people who have them. and i know it’s rich coming from m #me bc iam skittish like a horse around emotions and also that it’s pitifully expected from me bc i am reading too much into normal experien #nces most people have. but how am i supposed to just accept that i didn’t get the love i needed (even if im romanticizing m*therlove lmao) a #and then move on as if that’s fine? how can i just snap my fingers and be an autonomous adult when ive spent years accruing psychological #damage with the most limited kind of cushioning? when every second brings with it a potential jab to my River of Pain nerve? idk. #i was deeply violently depressed abt this stuff earlier this week but tonight im just quietly sad. i want the stability and certainty of #(unconditional) love. i want my whole future safe and warm and now or at least the ability to trust it will exist which is also called hope. #i don’t want to be alone and wretched anymore.

[catboydan]

.

#ok my mum is turning into the MESSIEST bitch #full midlife crisis or smthn (that she brought on herself) #divorcing my stepdad after abusing him for years then calls HIM the abuser #made our lives hell as teenagers to where my sister moved out before graduating high school #completely out of touch with how to treat a human being whether relative friend or stranger tbh #anyway. today she gave a 1-month notice to her workplace and rather and they said actually. just go now #they WALKED HER OUT ON THE SPOT #they just didn’t want her around. apparently everyone is so done with her #and she really thought she was well-liked. no. she is not #like they didn’t fire her. they’re gonna pay her the last month. they just don’t want her around anymore #also she’s dating her ex-only friend’s exboyfriend who apparently sucks ass so. #karma I guess #and you know what? I don’t even feel gleeful. I just feel sad to see a life wasted like that #the person she could be vs the shell she is. #val comes out of hiding