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#I don’t have any close friends @ my uni so it feels exciting to go to a party this weekend and meet people
atinyniki · 5 months
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flowers and confessions.
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group: stray kids !
pairing: nonidol!bangchan x f!reader
genre: fluff, pinch of angst
warnings + additional info: reader is referred to as y/n, reader and chan are both whipped for eachother, chan is referred to as channie, yeji of ITZY and changbin have a crush on eachother in this au for the sake of the plot (NOT SHIPPING), reader and yeji are roommates, love confessions, college au, reader and chan like cooking together.
authors note: this is something i was doing with a friend of mine at uni a year back but he had a gf </3 i never ended up confessing, so i decided to make this story a happy ending :) this is also not proofread. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)
wc: 3733
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“and she’s more of a tulip girl than a rose girl. got that?”
“yes ma’am”, chan chuckles nervously.
“listen to me chan. you’re a good man, and i know if she gives you a chance she’ll give in eventually. just… please don’t fuck it up.”
chan nods his head slowly, processing what she’s said to him. “okay, i’ll try my best not to. thank you, yeji”
she nods, escorting chan out of her home. 
‘what could i do…?’, chan thinks to himself. the walk his dorm isn’t all that time consuming, but it feels even longer with the thoughts of you plaguing his mind. 
the envelopes on his desk seem to strike up an idea. you guys are best friends, he doesn’t want to ruin anything of course. so… why not confess anonymously?
“like… love letters? from a secret admirer?”, changbin asks incredulously.
“yeah… im sure she’ll tell me about the letters and then… i can ask if she likes them. you know?”
changbin sighs, staring at chans lovestruck face. “you do you. i don’t need any letters because… i’ve got these.”, changbin says as he points to his biceps and wiggles his eyebrows. “shut up bin”, chan chuckles.
he quickly goes back to his room, writing the first letter as an opening. he quickly writes the letter, placing it in an envelope and closing it with a red wax stamp.
the excitement was getting to him, he had a hard time sleeping that night.
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“seriously…?”, yeji stares at him, completely unamused.
“what… is it bad?”
“dude. i give you all of that info, and you use it for love letters?”
chan sheepishly nods at her. he knows it’s crazy, but he just doesn’t want to say anything face to face yet. you’re such great friends already, he’s afraid that he’ll ruin things.
“yeji, listen. this way, if i ask her about the letters and she says they’re weird or something, i won’t have to handle direct rejection. she would never know it was me.”
yeji seems to be understanding this more now. “ah… i see. go on then, make sure to make them super sappy. she loves that… for some reason.”, she rolls her eyes.
chan bows quickly, rushing to his next class. he can’t stand being late to this one. it’s his favorite class, not because of the subject, but because of you. seeing your face and being able to sit next to you brightens up his mondays every time. 
you watch as he makes his way up the stairs, a small smile on his face. “hey chan”
“hey”, he says with a smile.
he takes a seat next to you, the warmth emitting from his body. you love that you can sit next to your best friend first thing in the morning, especially in the winter. 
your professor walks in, and you both immediately focus on your work. mr. bae is no joke. chan makes small talk with you of course, as much as he possibly can without being scolded by your professor. he’s been caught too many times for him to be let off easy this time around. 
class ends not too long after, meaning the two of you have to part ways for now. it’s okay though, you always hang out outside of school anyways.
you make your way to your locker to put away some things before your next class. you don’t have much time, but luckily the class is in the same hall. 
you open the locker and put away your things, but something catches your eye. a beautiful pink tulip, placed nicely on top of a white envelope. there’s a cute heart on the wax seal, and you’re careful not to rip the envelope while you open it.
you begin to read the letter, a pink hue spreading across your cheeks as you process the words. your heart flutters in your chest, knowing that someone thinks about you in this way.
you don’t think your smile is all that special, but this person definitely thinks otherwise. you quickly put away the envelope, reminding yourself to dry press the tulip later. 
all of a sudden, you’re smacked out of your thoughts. you run towards the hall. you’re definitely going to be late.
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you arrive at chans with the ingredients, waiting for changbin to get back. you’re cooking his favorite today, so you’re very excited to see his reaction.
the tulip that your admirer gave you is pressed in between a stack of books, you plan on air drying and preserving it later. 
“who gave the flower?”, he asks with a smirk.
“oh… no one”, you reply shyly.
he continues to wiggle his eyebrows at you, causing you to shove him playfully. 
you and chan continue talking about some studies, when you hear changbin come in.
“chan?”
he stands in the doorway for a second, inhaling for a little while. he rushes to the kitchen when he smells it. “what is all this?”
“we decided to make your favorite tonight, help yourself. we’ll bring the danmuji out in a second”, you tell him.
he smiles so wide it almost reaches his eyes. “ooohhhh thank you thank you thank you! you did all this for meeeee?”, he says excitedly.
“it was all chans idea, thank him”, you chuckle.
changbin jerks his head towards chan, a cute pout on his face. “you did this for me channieee?”
chan stares at him for a little while before rolling his eyes. “no. why would i do it for you? shut up and eat now.”
you both knew it was all an act. as much as chan tried to pretend he hated changbin, you knew that it was just brotherly love.
“thanks chan”, he says with a smile.
chan can’t help but smile back.
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you open your locker the next week to a black tulip, your heart sinking to your stomach.
you pick up the note, reading it quickly before you go to class. 
“don’t worry, nothings wrong. i just gave you a black tulip this time since i always see you wearing black clothes. i assumed it’s your favorite color.”, it read.
the note went on with the usual, except this time it was about your nose. you giggled to yourself, the words lingering in your mind for far too long. your heart flutters in your chest thinking about who could possibly be writing these.
you run to class, afraid you’ll be late. you lost track of time reading the note, but you don’t regret it. not one bit.
you hope he’ll reveal himself soon.
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“mmhhh noo…”, you whine.
chan giggles a little, pulling you closer into his embrace for a second. “i really need to go to the bathroom y/n…”
“you’re warm though…”
chan takes your hand in yours, “i’ll only be a minute. besides, you have the blanket.”
you nod, watching him go and sitting in the spot on the couch where he previously sat. the seat was warm still, almost enough to pull you into a slumber.
chan quickly locks himself in the bathroom, his heart beating almost a thousand times a second. why did he do that? why did he hold your hand… oh gosh. his entire face is red, he tries to wash it away. it doesn’t work.
maybe it’s his fault for sitting so close to you in the first place, but he can’t deny that he enjoyed it. he wants to be in your embrace forever. 
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“gosh… this is beautiful.”, you whisper to yourself. the note contained a little poem about your eyes this time. you didn’t think they had much effect on anyone.
you pick up the red tulip, admiring it for a moment before placing it back in your locker inbetween some tissues and a stack of books. you enjoyed pressing them.
that way, if you were to ever find your secret admirer, you could keep the memories of your feelings.
wait… feelings? do you like this guy? you don’t even know what he looks like! maybe they’re just… shy?
you never thought for once that a man would be too shy to see someone like you of all people. you’re not really all that special in your opinion, but surely there was more to you that this guy sees.
maybe you could go searching for him…
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“you really like pressing those damn tulips.”
you chuckle nervously, “yeah… they’re really pretty”
chan is surprised you haven’t told him anything yet, but he makes sure not to push you. he doesn’t want to let anything slip.
chan sits back down on your bed, admiring you for a bit while you talk about some things that happen at school.
“and she’s been- she… why are you looking at me like that?”, you ask. the look on his face has you tripping on your words, oddly flustered.
“huh? o-oh… um.”, he stutters, afraid he’s made things awkward. he tries to think of an excuse quickly, “you still have a little sauce on your cheek.”
embarrassed, you wipe a bit at your cheek, trying to wipe the sauce that wasn’t even there in the first place. suddenly, chan speaks up. “i’ll get it.”
he scoots incredibly close to you, stroking your cheek and “wiping away the sauce”. your eyes widen, cheeks turning a bright red.
chan seems to notice, smirking at you again and wiggling his eyebrows. you scoff playfully, flicking his forehead causing him to recoil.
“heyyy! what was that for”, he says with a fake pout. you can only giggle at his antics, running a thumb over his forehead to ease the pain. 
you continued going on about the girl in your class, ignoring the way chans close proximity made you feel.
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“what the hell?”
the note came with a baby blue tulip this time, writing about how your voice makes his day. ‘so he knows me…’, you think to yourself.
maybe you two share a class or two. either way, you’re determined to find out. this time, you write a note in your locker for him to read the next week. 
it’s a simple note, not as cute as his are. the only thing it asks is if you two share a class.
you hope he notices it next time, it’d be a shame if he didn’t. you place the note in your locker and quickly run back to class.
now that you think of it, he must have a class in the same hall as you since he always gets to your locker in the morning. maybe he’s in your first class. 
wait. why are you so eager to know? gosh, how are you falling for someone when you don’t even know who they are? 
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“oh come onnn, please?”
“jeez, why do you wanna know so bad?”
“becauseee… you seem so happy when you get these flowers. do you finally have a boyfriend?”
you shoot him a look, shutting him up immediately. “what do you mean, “finally”? i’ve had many boyfriends before”, you say while shaking your head. 
chan laughs beside you, causing you to laugh a little bit too. “well, the truth is, i don’t know who these flowers are coming from. someone puts them in my locker every monday with a love letter…”
chan looks at you, wide eyed. he fakes his surprise, “wait… you have a secret admirer?!”, he giggles.
“yeah… i guess i do”, you smile.
you turn your head to look at him again, his boba eyes staring right at yours. you can’t help but think back to what the note about your eyes said. does chan see them the same way? do you… want him to see them the same way?
chan pulls you into an embrace when he sees the look in your eye. “well, hopefully he reveals himself soon”
your face is painted with a light blush again. how could you possibly be falling for two men at once?
why do feelings have to be so confusing…?
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the weeks go by, different tulips and notes arriving in your locker every week. you’ve confirmed that you’re both in first period together, but that seems like the only clue you’re getting for a while.
each day, you press the flowers and place them in your special frame next to the decorative box, in which you place the letters.
your frame is just a blob of colors now, the ivory, purple, and crimson tulips popping out the most.
you’ve been meeting with chan a lot more recently for movie nights. you’ll have to admit, they’re really fun, but you’re finding it difficult to evaluate your feelings.
you’ve started to develop stronger feelings for chan, as well as your admirer. your heart is torn between the two. you don’t know who to choose. you dont even know if you can begin to choose.
how could you break their hearts?
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you wake up early in the morning, surprised because you normally can’t seem to bring yourself to open your eyes. you nuzzle closer into the warm pillow, wondering why it feels so much better than usual.
“sleep well?”, chans voice revertibrates through your entire being. you pull your hands back, scooting away from him and looking up.
“wait… i- what the hell?”
“hey it’s not my fault! you were incredibly drunk, and you insisted i stay.”
“oh…”
“oh channie… please stay! i can’t sleep without you… you’re so warm”, he mocks you and laughs.
your eyes go wide, a hand clamped over your mouth in shock.
“i actually said that…?”, you hide your face in your hands. 
“no biggie”, he smiles.
you bury your face in your palms, embarrassed. you’re glad you didn’t let anything else slip out though. chan pulls you back into his embrace, drawing patterns on your back and laughing a little. 
“hey, seriously. it’s fine, i don’t mind keeping you company you know. your channie will always be here”, he giggles.
“shut. up.”, you reply, your voice muffled in his chest. 
you hear the door open, quickly jerking your head towards it. “you lovebirds done? i brought breakfast”, yeji smiles.
“yejiii” you whine, hiding your face again. chan gets out of bed, laughing again as he gets ready for the day.
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“fuck…”, you mutter under your breath. it’ll be much easier to confess to chan right? you can confront him face to face, but with your admirer it’d be more difficult.
what if they’re just joking around? if you confess, the tulips will stop. you’ll have no more notes to keep in your box. but then again, if you do confess, there’s a high chance of the both of you ending up together.
there’s no way chan likes you, but you really need to get it off your chest. you can’t pursue your admirer while still having feelings for chan, that’s not fair to him.
if chan is so excited about this admirer, there’s no way he could actually like you… right? fuck it.
you run over to chans dorm, changbin opens the door for you. “y/n? chans not home right now, sorry.”
“yeah i know… i was um- i was meaning to talk to you actually.”
“oh! come in”, he says with a smile.
you explain the whole thing in depth to changbin, even your feelings for the two boys. changbin laughs to himself, ‘what has he gotten himself into?’, he thinks.
changbin doesn’t even seem to notice that tears are leaving your eyes. he quickly grabs your hand, running his thumb over it. “hey, i’m sure nothing bad will happen if you confess to chan. he loves you too much to let you go just because of a crush.”
“no but that’s the thing changbin! it’s not just a crush- i love him. i love the both of them. and i don’t know who to choose, or how to tell them, because it’s not fair to date one without telling the other and…”, you trail off.
“just tell chan you love him. and if you really want to win him over, tell him while you’re cooking or baking together or something.”
“what? why?”
“just do it, trust me.”
you nod, continuing to plan out your confession with changbin. you figure out how you’re going to confess, you hope chan will enjoy having his favorite dish.
“i should tell yeji about this too, she’ll probably have some advice.”
changbin goes silent, thinking about what else you could do. you notice the way his face goes red at the mention of your roommate.
hopefully he’ll confess too.
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“i brought everything… what’s the occasion though?”
“you’ll see”, you say with a smile. 
you both make your way to the kitchen, smiling along the way. of course your nervous, but it’s a lot easier when you have his reassuring smile.
it seems to be something that always puts you at ease, it’s one of the reasons you love him so much. you feel so safe with him. 
you guys work on dinner, smiling and giggling the entire time. “that damn coral tulip really put you in a good mood hm?”
you chuckle a little, “hm, yeah”, you beam at him. hold on… did you tell him about the coral tulip? “wait… how do you know about the tulip”
“huh?”, chan seems to be confused, but then his eyes go wide. he realizes his mistake immediately, but he doesn’t know what to do.
“chan… i never told you anything about the tulip. how did you know what color it was?”
he opens his mouth to say something, but it won’t come out. “i…”, the lump in his throat rises more, cutting off his air flow. he’s seconds away from hyperventilating.
“channie, was it you the entire time?”
tears well up in his eyes, he didn’t want it to happen like this. he planned a whole reveal for you, and now it was all ruined.
you quickly turn off the stove, walking over to chan. you’re being careful not to scare him away, a smile on your face. “it’s you isn’t it?”
he nods softly, some tears escaping his eyes. “i’m sorry…”
you cup his cheek with your hand, wiping away the tears on his cheek. “can i…?”
he nods, and you crash your lips into his. “i love you channie”, you say breathlessly. he grabs your waist, picking you up and setting you down on the island. he pulls away from the kiss and looks you in the eyes. 
“i love you so much y/n. i’m so sorry i didn’t tell you i was just… scared of ruining our friendship.”
“chan… i um. i didn’t- i don’t want you to think i kissed you just because of the letters. i was planning on confessing to you today but that just made it so much better”
chans eyes twinkled in the light, stunned by the sincerity in your voice. “y/n… i truly do love you a lot. i- thank you.”
you give him a quick peck on the nose, wiping away his tears again.
“so, you were making all this so you could um… confess?”
you nod shyly, averting his gaze. he giggles at how adorable you look right now, sitting on the kitchen island.
“what’s so funny chan?”
he picks you up once again, this time pinning you against the wall. your heart flutters again in your chest, the butterflies erupting in your stomach.
“no. not chan… i’m your channie”, he smiles at you, leaning in for another kiss. you enjoy the moment with him, but all of a sudden you stop.
“chan! we still have to make the food”
he looks at you, sets you down on the floor and then turns away from you. you’re a little confused by the sudden change in attitude, but then it hits you. 
“sorry dork, i meant channie”
he smiles at you again, helping you fix dinner.
“wow… first dinner with my girlfriend and we even cooked it together.”, your eyes widened. you were going to have to get used to chan calling you his girlfriend.
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“wake the fuck up you two!”, yeji yells from her room.
you’re in the same position as last time, you face nuzzled into chans chest and your arms are wrapped around him. he’s holding you this time, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and stroking his fingers through your hair. 
suddenly, yeji barges in to see you two practically looking like a pretzel. “oh my gosh…”
chan continues running his fingers through your hair, not paying attention to yeji at all. “wait… really?!”, yeji says excitedly.
it seems like shes finally gotten the hint, and you reach up to give chan a little peck. you smile at yeji, watching her visibly gag. “you know, you couldn’t just said ‘oh yeah we’re dating now!’. you didn’t have to kiss him. gross…”
chan laughs a little, the sound being music to your ears. “hey, it’s not my fault”
“yeah yeah whatever. get ready, we’re going out with changbin.”
you turn your head towards yeji again. “changbin? why so?”
chan lifts his head from the pillow. “are you finally dating now?”, he asks excitedly.
“ew no… gross”, yeji says while rushing out the room, not wanting you to see the crimson red covering her face.
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you open your locker, instantly met with a much bigger envelope. you quickly open it to read it, smiling to yourself as you do. you’re so glad that chan did all this.
you searched your locker again, looking at the floor to see if the tulip fell, but you couldn’t find one. you pouted a little, the tulips seem to be something you cherish a lot. just then, you hear chans voice behind you.
in his hand is a bouquet, all different assortments of tulips. he doesn’t say anything, he just gives you a kiss and heads off to his next class. 
you stare at him as he leaves, completely in awe. tears almost spring to your eyes, but you fight them off. quickly placing your bouquet in your locker, you run to your next class.
you make it there just on time, but before taking out your notebook, you grab your phone.
y/n: thank you channie :) channie <3: i hope you liked them :) y/n: of course i did! y/n: i love you channie <3 channie <3: i loved you first <3
<3
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430 notes · View notes
yessa-vie · 3 months
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❝LIKE YOU WANNA BE LOVED❞ — jeong yunho.
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PAIRING. jeong yunho x fem!reader
GENDER. strangers to lovers. fast burn. yunho and reader are young adults (but I still consider teenagers since they are not at uni but finishing high school, so technically 17-18 year old) who met during summer. mostly fluff with a tiny bit of angst.
SYNOPSIS. with an encounter on the rock near the pier begins a friendship that, within a month, turns into butterflies in the stomach, sweaty hands, ragged breaths and hearts beating out of control.
WORD COUNT. 5,580 (not counting the end quote).
NOTE. another old story I did as a birthday gift to one of my best friends, also edited to fit Korea and the situation. not my best work, so I may edit this story further on, but for now I'm ok with the changes I did, but again, fast burn is not usually my style, but I hope you enjoy it regardless.
IMPORTANT. this is a work of fiction, it has zero intent on portraing how any of the people quoted here are in real life.
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                Jeju Island. That was what awaited him during this month of vacation. He had never been to Jeju Island before and it excited him, so many people he knew went and said it was beautiful. Friends of his always came and went renewed, so to speak. Now it was his turn. A month with the family in a rented beach house. Summer at its peak. A time to think and a time just for him.
                He didn't want a relationship, far from it. He had just ended a relationship, why get involved and not enjoy the single life? A month by the sea, summer behind him, beautiful women passed by the door of his house and let's face it, he attracted attention, from his perfect physique to his innocent childish face – which was anything but innocent.
                “Yunho, we better get going or we’ll be late!” Yunho heard his mother call him and soon closed his window, picked up his bags and left his room heading towards his car to put his things.
                Another positive point, his parents would go in one car and he’d go in another with his younger brother. It wasn't that he didn't get along well with his parents, but he preferred to go alone with his brother, they could listen to whatever music they wanted, and he wouldn't have to worry about getting the car seat dirty and getting looked at.
                After a while everyone was at the beach house, as beautiful as the photo sent. A white wooden staircase at the entrance and the balcony with light wooden floors. The house was simple. Two floors, a mix of wood, cement, and glass. In the coziest interior that the outside view could provide. The room was of a light cream color that it looked white, the entire wooden floor giving it a rustic feel. A fireplace with an LCD on top, surrounded by a pastel “L” shaped sofa and an armchair of the same tone, on the left side a glass door that opened onto a balcony that – thanks to the relative distance between the houses – made it possible to view the beach without having to go in front of the house.
                The kitchen was relatively large, with the counter being made of marble, the cabinets made of wood and glass, and high wooden chairs so that they could reach the small counter in the center of the kitchen. On the left side of the room there is a staircase leading to the second floor. Four bedrooms were there, but to his happiness, at the bottom there was a small staircase that connected to the attic, which, to his happiness, was extremely tidy and a window that covered the entire wall facing straight to the sea. That would be his room for the month.
                He packed his things and when he looked at the clock, he saw that it was already 4pm, he decided to help the family get settled, as he went downstairs he saw his parents in the kitchen talking about something while his mother was cooking.
                "You need help?" Yunho was wearing black shorts, a white tank top and a black cap and flip-flops.
                “Don’t worry about us, enjoy your vacation, do like your brother and go to the beach!”
                Yunho's father said and he watched them a little more and when he received a smile from both of them, he smiled too and went out the door, walking a little along the beach.
                The flip-flops didn't bother him, and the cap helped keep the sun out of his brown eyes for a while. He was already near the navy pier when he decided to sit down. It was already close to sunset, and he had a privileged view from his vantage point.
                The sky was orange and pink, several people were already leaving, others were watching the sunset, he could see that they were either a group of friends or couples in love. He didn't let himself be shaken by it, mainly because he barely had time as a cream Golden Retivier soon appeared at his side barking and wagging his tail.
                “Hey big guy, what are you doing here?”
                Running his hand around the dog’s neck, he noticed a collar, but before he could utter any words, he heard a female voice and then she knelt down next to him running her hand over the dog.
                “Thanks for holding him,” she smiled. Yunho thought it was one of the cutest smiles he had ever seen. He watched her quickly. Straight black hair falling over her shoulders, charming almond-shaped eyes, the cutest smile on her lips, a teal tank top over a bikini and white shorts with flip-flops on her feet. “(y/n),” you commented giving him her hand.
                “Yunho,” he said, shaking your hand giving you a toothless smile that you found extremely cute. Yunho knew how to act around girls, but he especially became an idiot if he found them interesting. “So… He’s yours?”
                “My sister's actually...” You commented laughing and sitting next to Yunho on the rock and looking forward with the Golden lying at your feet. “She got it from an ex-boyfriend of hers,” you let out a nasal laugh. “We all like him despite everything and well, if we were really going to keep this little guy, our parents made us promise that we would go out with him whenever we could, and it was my turn to go out with Thor” you commented pulling Golden's head up receiving licks in the face and laughing, making Yunho laugh too.
                “He's beautiful,” he commented, running his hand over Thors's head, who licked his hand in response.
                “And he liked you,” you commented, laughing, observing him. “I’ve never seen you around here...”
                “Ah, I just moved, for a month,” you looked like you understood and shook your head.
                “I see, that explains a little…”
                "What?"
                “You're here to watch the sunset,” you said with a charming smile, in Yunho's opinion, on your lips.
                "What you mean?" He looked at you without understanding.
                “Let me guess, either you live around here, or you walked too much and got tired sitting on this rock and watching the sunset, now which one is right?” You didn't look at him despite the sparkle in your eyes and the mischievous smile that gave it away.
                “The second one,” he commented blushing slightly.
                "Where are you living?" You asked without expecting anything but making conversation.
                “I don't know any references here, but…” They both laughed as Yunho was remembering what he did during that time he was walking. “Since it took me two hours to get here and I was walking slower than a snail,” you laughed contagiously, making him release a smile that you thought was charming, “I think that an hour or thirty minutes of walking will be enough for me to go back home.” He commented smiling. "And you?"
                “I live that way,” you pointed to Yunho's side, the same path he had passed, making him smiled at that. “I was heading back, considering the sun was already setting when Thor ran like crazy and only stopped when he reached you,” you smiled at the boy who was looking at you enchanted.
                “Well, do you want to accompany me back?” you looked at him without understanding. “I came from there too, we can go back together...” you were silent for a while and Yunho quickly tried to correct himself. “I mean... if it’s okay with you or-”
                “Hey! Don’t worry,” you laughed a little, taking Thor by the collar and going to Yunho’s side. "Let's go?"
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                It had been three weeks since Yunho was in Jeju. You met every day. Your family had invited him and his family to dinner or lunch with them and Yunho's family did the same to you. They lived just three houses apart. You had gotten surprisingly close.
                Yunho now knew of two boys who “chased” you at school, he knew they had a crush on you and that's why they were always around and watching you, he could see the reason why they liked you thought, of course he could. You also knew things about Yunho, things he never told his friends or his brother. This was a good thing. But Yunho was afraid of confusing things, after all he was a master at confusing things.
                He already knew every little detail about you without you needing to say anything. He knew what to do and how to do it. He wanted to protect you from everything and everyone, in addition to being stressed because you had taken the final college exams and was waiting for an answer. You wanted to enter Seoul National University, but he knew that it wasn't easy to get into that university, but he knew how much you had studied even if he didn't know the details regarding how you felt emotionally.
                Unconsciously he had memorized your perfume, how you made him feel good and complete, something he hadn't felt since the end of the relationship. Yunho knew your scent, he knew all the smiles – and their meanings – that you gave out to everyone, he knew and loved the faces you made when he pushed you into the sea, or when you simply walked at night and the cold air hit your face.
                He loved hugging you and having you in his arms. He loved being able to call you “little one” whenever you arrived and hug him warmly with that smile like a child on Christmas Day. Yunho loved everything about you and that was his biggest fear and warning alert. He knew that falling in love with a girl like you was easy, but he didn't want to confuse things. He noticed the glances you directed at him, how your smile was different in some moments when you were together, how the concern on your face was evident whenever he and your father were in the same space, the face of relief and joy that your face showed when Yunho was congratulated or simply did well in the areas established by your father.
                He had to admit that he thought your father thought he was your boyfriend, or at the very least, a suitor. Not only him but your mother too. He also noticed the exchange of looks between you and your sister, noticed the hints that your sister threw at the two of you whenever you were together or Yunho would go to your house so you could go out somewhere, but what stressed him out and confused him was yourself.
                Despite all the signs from your family and the statements from the boy's family that said there was something more than a simple friendship, he didn't see any sign coming from you. He didn't want to ruin the friendship that had begun, nor did he want to go back to Gwangju and leave you behind. He had become attached to having you by his side every day.
                At that moment, you were both silent, walking side by side on the beach. The sun would set in less than three minutes and soon night would wash over Jeju. The silence was both pleasant and unwelcome. Yunho thought about ending the silence, but what would he say? ‘I think I'm confusing things and I think I'm starting to like you as more than a friend’? Yeah, that was out of the question.
                “What day are you leaving?” Your eyes didn't meet his.
                Yunho looked at you briefly, trying to memorize the few moments he would still have left with you as this trip would soon be nothing more than another memory. In two weeks he would hit the road back to his city so he wouldn't know when to return.
                “Two weeks,” he lowered his head.
                "Which day?" Yunho stared at you without understanding. “What day exactly are you going?” You asked hugging yourself tighter after a gust of cold wind came. Yunho automatically hugged your side trying to keep you warm. "Thanks..."
                “It’s still not sure, but we have to return before the fifth...” He replied without looking at you and lowered his head. He didn't want to think about leaving you, not after having you so close, bringing him the security and complete feeling he had whenever you were near.
                “Great,” it was the first real smile you’d let out since you started walking aimlessly as the sun began to set. Yunho looked at you without understanding. “You gonna stay for my birthday!” Yunho soon cheered up and a cute smile took his lips, being imitated by you who finally looked at him.
                You were getting closer and closer to the pier and the cold of the tidal wind tormented you each time, making you lean more and more against Yunho, which made him smile every time. When you finally arrived at the rock where you had met, you remained there for a while in silence, enjoying each other's warmth.
                For some reason the wind had died down and consequently the cold from the sea air, but you didn't move away, much less Yunho. Your head was resting on Yunho's chest which was slowly going down and up, he was controlling it, because in reality, his breathing was failing him. Yours was no different. Yunho's hand on your waist as he caressed that area leaving your body burning. Yunho was different from the other boys. You had created a friendship with him that was never possible with many people you had always lived with. You looked up at Yunho, thinking if you should let your intrusive thoughts win.
                “How can someone be so perfect with just under the light of the moon?” That was the thought that kept running through your head. You shouldn't find him beautiful in a silly, passionate way, you couldn't fall in love with him, you didn't want to lose this short-term friendship that made you feel so good. Yunho barely noticed you watching him. Little did he imagine that you were recording every detail of his face and how you held yourself back from touching his face and pulling him to face you so that they could finally kiss.
                Little did you know that in his head, he was holding himself back from doing the same. Yunho had his right hand on your waist, making a small caress while his left hand rested on your leg, his head was going through a thousand and one things, but reality brought him back when he felt his hand being welcomed by another hand, a warm hand with slightly cold fingers. He looked at his own hand, following the arm of the other hand that overlapped his, finding you looking at both of your hands with a shy smile and... Dumbfounded? He had never seen that smile. Something burned in his chest and a thousand things stirred in his stomach as if the carnival had just begun.
                You looked up and the two pairs of almond-shaped, goofy eyes met. Yunho pulled you closer against his body involuntarily and automatically. You lowered your head, feeling your cheeks itching, Yunho undid the clasping of your hands and touched your chin making you look at him. Both of your eyes were different, with a different shine. You hid your face in the hollow of Yunho's neck, making him shiver when he felt the heat of your breath in that place, and he was a little scared when he felt you place a simple and – almost – innocent kiss in that area.
                Yunho tangled his free hand in the hair at the back of your neck, pulling it lightly to find his face. Noses touching, breaths mixing, butterflies celebrating, hearts fluttering, the certainty of one thing and the doubt of another. Little by little the centimeters between your faces ended and a simple and innocent kiss took place between the two.
                The sensation was the most perfect combination of elements and sensations. A fire dominated both your bodies and the feeling of accomplishment took over completely. Neither of you wanted to open your eyes, neither wanted to part your lips, neither wanted to forget the feeling of liking someone and that person reciprocating.
                The lips parted to quickly come together again. This other kiss was different, of longing, of desire, of passion, of love, of fear, of security, of desire, of fulfillment. A perfect dance in synchronization of all the elements that surrounded you made the moment more and more perfect. The tide, the location, the feeling of freedom, the sound of the waves breaking, the feeling of tranquility and lightness. The kiss was delicate, nothing rushed, there was nothing to rush there. That was the consummation of the best feeling in the world for any being, the feeling of correspondence, of friendship, of love.
                The lips parted. Both red and swollen, making both want to resume what you were doing, but when you met each other’s eyes, you stopped. That was the certainty, you liked each other and wanted each other, get closer to each other, the good you did for each other was something more than visible. But doubt soon caught up with you and you lowered your head. Yunho was returning to his city in two weeks, what would be the probability that this continue? What would work? They didn't have any clue and that was a problem.
                “Let’s not think about that now, okay?” Yunho cupped your face and you nodded, soon kissing him again. And the explosive consummation of their feelings hit you again.
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                It was the night of the 31st, your birthday. Everyone was there, friends, family and obviously Yunho and his family. You and Yunho didn't let go of each other for more than thirty minutes. Forming an extremely cute couple, the type to have cute and sickening nicknames, you always hugged each other, whispered to each other, etc. As the party ended around midnight and everyone left and, as a birthday present, you asked if Yunho would and could sleep there. Your father didn't like it very much at first, but he couldn't do much, other than accept it, after all he liked and trusted Yunho, he knew he was a good boy and would do everything he could to not disappoint his little girl. And if he did leave, he wanted you both to have the best memories of this summer vacation.
                The night was basically the two of you exchanging caresses, imagining what would happen when Yunho left, what would happen if you decided to continue the relationship and if it was worth trying to maintain it. You quickly fell asleep in Yunho's arms while he sang and watched over your sleep as well as stroking your hair lightly.
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                August 4th is the last day of the two of you together. You had decided to spend the night with Yunho, you wanted to enjoy all the time you still had with him. As soon as they hit the road, you would head home. Dinner was peaceful, a few jokes here, laughter there, jokes aside. Soon the first floor of the house was the same as when his family had arrived, apart from most of the suitcases being present near the door.
                You were lying on Yunho's bed watching him pack some things that were missing from his last suitcase. Your eyes were burning, your body hurt, you didn't want to let him go, long distance relationships are rarely successful. You stayed with him practically the entire summer and now you would have to spend the rest of the year away from the boy.
                Yunho put a handful of blouses in his suitcase and turned to pick up his pants, finding your sad gaze directed at him, that was more painful than he ever thought it would be. He left his pants where they were, his suitcase open on the floor, some clothes still on the hanger, nothing mattered to him other than his little girl in bed looking at him sadly. He knew why you were like this; he knew because he was the same way.
                Neither ever thought or believed in a “summer love” or a “holiday affair”, that was something that neither of you thought would ever happen and you also never understood people talking about them with a look of longing or, whatever that they felt, but now you understood.
                You both wanted to be able to relive that month of summer every day, walking on the beach, playing, laughing, playing with Thor, jumping in the sea, chatting, having each other's warmth and imagining that, at that moment, you were infinite, that nothing could stop you, that feeling would be eternal and that no one could ever take that away from both of them.
                You were unique on that vacation, without lies, without anyone but you and you alone. You just wanted to run away and hide, spend the rest of yours lives together. Too dramatic and irresponsible, but that's how you felt. You wanted to be close to each other, Yunho forever wanted to be sitting on the rock near the pier with Thor coming towards him barking and you coming behind, catching up with them and kneeling down, petting the big and clumsy little Golden Retriever.
                You wanted the feeling of the first kiss again, wanted to relive every vain moment without caring about the world falling apart around you. Yunho wiped the tear that insisted on falling from your eyes. Your head fell on the chest of the boy who hugged you back, not just any hug, that hug that says more than any words, that memorable hug, that hug of longing, that hug of affection, love, goodbye.
                "I do not want to leave you."
                Your voice came out weak and shaky between a few tears that were already wet Yunho's shirt.
                “We’re not going to let each other go, remember?” Yunho commented, stroking your hair, placing a simple kiss on the top of your head. “You will always be with me, no matter where. You made me be me, you completed me, you made me feel like the happiest person in the world...” you moved your head away and looked him in the eyes. Watery, red eyes met and Yunho sighed. “We both know that everything could go wrong after I get in the car and hit the road, I just want you to know that I will never forget this summer.”
                Yunho's words of conviction brought in you the feeling of happiness that you hadn't been able to allow yourself to feel since the night before. You both knew it was more likely that you would never see each other again, but that didn't mean you had to forget about each other. His eyes lit up when he noticed the first real smile you allowed yourself to give in the last 24 hours, making Yunho smile too.
                “Yunho…” Your voice was weak. Yunho ran his thumb over your face, making you smile slightly at that, feeling it and trying to memorize everything. “I wanted to repeat everything...”
                “Me too, little one.”
                He placed a kiss on your forehead, your hands quickly cupping Yunho's cheeks, pulling him closer to your face with a slight smile and his eyes were shining, not with sadness, but with happiness.
                “Shall we go to the rock?” Both smiled. Yunho was already getting up, but you stopped him, hands on his forearm. “Finish your bags, I don’t think when we come back, we’ll have time for you to pack them later.”
                A mischievous smile appeared on your lips.
                “(y/n) are you sure?” You approached the boy, looking at him with a toothless smile and that spark that Yunho loved in his eyes.
                “I trust you and I don't think we'll have a second chance anytime soon,” the kiss was quick, but full of desire, desire, trust and longing. You and Yunho finished packing your bags amidst small stolen kisses, some tickles and small moments where you distracted Yunho by the simple fact of existing and being in his room.
                “Shall we go, little one?”
                You nodded, taking his hand and you soon headed to the rock where you met for the first time.
                The path was relatively long, but that didn't stop you from keep on running, laughing, kissing, hugging and screaming – in the moments when Yunho decided to carry you on his lap when you started trying to tickle him again. Soon the beach could be seen and your hands quickly intertwined as you walked along the shore and – occasionally – joined the other beachgoers. You kicked the sand, went close to the sea to feel it on your feet, trying to relive every moment, until at dusk, when almost no one was on the beach, you both sat on the rock facing the dark horizon, the reflection of the moon in the sea, the waves breaking, seeing the stars, the wind from the coast, that for both of you was all you had to remember from that vacation.
                “The best memories are made of small moments, they are made of people, the right people and the wrong people. They are made of a longing, of a desire. Memories are memories that our unconscious keeps and releases from time to time to remind us of who we are, what we have become, what made us change.” Your speech was serious, but your eyes were focused on the ocean in front of you, your hands always intertwined, the constant reminder that Yunho was still there with you. The silence was nice, it wasn't uncomfortable like it probably should have been. You laughed softly and looked at Yunho with a goofy smile and shining eyes. “You are one of my fondest memories, Yunho.”
                “And you mine, (y/n).”
                Yunho grabbed your face with his left hand, bringing you closer and your lips soon met. A simple touch of lips. Just a taste of what was, what is, what would always be.
                You both spent a few more moments enjoying the moment in which it all began, remembering moments that you thought were lost, moments that you would give anything to relive and never forget. Once you left the rock hugging each other, it must have been close to midnight when both arrived at the beach house where Yunho and his family were staying. Then you went up as silently as possible to Yunho's room.
                As soon as he closed the door, began a warm kiss that would remain in their minds for a long time, knowing that when you saw each other again, the desire to repeat it would be extreme. Both walked awkwardly towards the bed, laughing between kisses, feet and legs intertwining from time to time, hands running and exploring each other's bodies. That was when you felt the bed on your knees, pulling Yunho closer to you, not wanting to break the kiss for anything, but Yunho moved away a little, supporting his weight on his arms, looking at you from above, both of you with a smile on your face, eyes shining like two pairs of obsidian, lips swollen and red.
                “Are you sure you want this?” Despite the breathless voice and the desire to have his mouth on every part of your body, he wanted to be sure.
                Before you started getting involved, when neither considered it anything other than friendship, you had already had a similar conversation where you said that you couldn't give yourself to someone the way some girls did, that you both had to have something relevant for you to get along with, for you to give yourself in such a way and it would not be easy for that to happen.
                “Yunho, we may not be officially dating, but our relationship is the relevant relationship I was talking about,” your voice was firm despite your breath being missing a little, a small laugh came out of both of your throats, and you continued with a slight smile and little blushed. “You make me feel good, you give me confidence and I have no problem with that happening between us.”
                “I promise not to hurt you.”
                You knew he could never do that to you, but that sentence brought greater security as Yunho continued to look into your eyes, waiting and looking for some kind of change, of apprehension, of fear, but he didn't find any. A cute smile took over your face along with a slight pink tint on your cheeks. Yunho smiled lightly, kissing your forehead, then your nose, both cheeks, chin, and a simple kiss on your lips and then focusing on your neck, taking the opportunity to wrap one of his arms around your waist when your back arched with the trail of kisses that he left around your neck.
                You both wanted that, there was no better time for it to happen. What would be the possibility of meeting again? Practically zero. You just enjoyed it, you only had one night, one more night together, why not make it more special? Why not make it that memory that will make you let out that goofy smile, bring you that feeling of freedom, that desire to come back, have the feeling of loving and being loved?
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                "Will we try?"
                Yunho asked after closing the trunk of the car and observing your reaction as you stared at his arms, exposed thanks to the tank top he was wearing.
                “You had to wear a sleeveless shirt.”
               Your comment was low enough that only you both could hear, an embarrassed smile on your lips as you approached him, running your hand over the nail marks on Yunho's arms and back, making a slight grimace when you noticed how visible they were, making the boy laugh and hold your hand.
                “Why hide it?” He commented laughingly, looking into your eyes, making you blush a little more before he pulled you in for a quick kiss. The lips trailing from your mouth to the base of your ear. “You still haven't answered me...”
                One last kiss under your ear, along with a light squeeze on your waist, caused your mind to go into short circuit, pressing your thighs together, which didn't go unnoticed by Yunho who laughed softly, depositing a last kiss on your cheek. Your hands quickly going to the back of his head, a small caress there and you could swear you heard a grunt come out of the boy. Knowing that you had as much of an effect on Yunho as he had on you was gratifying to say the least.
                The memories of the previous night quickly infiltrated both of your minds.
                “We can, but when will we see each other again?”
                Yunho smiled and kissed you again, he heard the horn of his parents' car and immediately went to the driver's door and opened it, but before entering, his arms were quick around your waist, pulling you between his legs. The kiss was quick and full of feelings. Your hands wrapped around his neck, while his fingers tightened around your waist. It was only when Yunho felt a salty taste amid the kiss that he pulled away, lips red, just like the eyes that stared at him. You had cried. He quickly pulled you closer, feeling your face hide in the crook of his neck, tears wetting part of his shirt, but he didn't care as his hands ran up and down your back.
                “Don't worry,” he said wiping away the few tears and kissed your forehead and got into the car, closing the door, lowering the window and then starting the car. “I’ve already made arrangements with our parents, I’ll come here next vacation, you just need to accept me into your house and we’ll see each other again.” Yunho gave a mischievous smile as you stared at him with your mouth open, not knowing what to say. “I love you little one,” Yunho blew you an air kiss and squealed behind his parents’ car, leaving you unresponsive for a few moments.
                You ran to your room soon after and rolled over in bed with happiness, stifling a scream with your pillow, you quickly ran to your cellphone marking the next long holiday on the calendar, such as the next day of the start of winter vacation, which was supposed to be the time when Yunho would return. Your happiness was greater than anything else, you didn't know whether to scream, jump, run, or whatever to release the happiness you contained within yourself.
                Your fingers quickly sent a simple message to Yunho for when he arrived in Gwangju, to call so you can talk. Even though you didn't know exactly how everything would happen from that moment on, you couldn't care less. Yunho had said he loved you. He would come back to you, you just had to wait for him, which you knew you would do even if he didn't ask.
                Yunho had marked you; you were his, just as he was yours the moment he saw you run after Thor on the beach the day he arrived in Jeju. Deep down, you both knew that it didn't matter if it worked or not, because in the end, what you experienced that summer had been more than remarkable, you belonged to each other even before the night you spent together and that was enough at that moment.
"And what was eternal, will not remain only in the smell; in the speech; in the embrace; in the eyes. It will remain inside, intensely stored in the heart.”
(Victor Hugo Felipe)
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talkdutchtome · 4 months
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Glitch- chapter six
pairing . . . max verstappen x reader / mason mount x reader )
summary . . . when mason mount finds out that his assistant has been harbouring feelings for him for years, he makes it clear he doesn't feel the same way. but once he sees her become closer with formula 1 world champion max verstappen, he realises he may have underestimated his feelings towards the girl he has now pushed into the arms of another )
genre . . . angst )
song . . . glitch- taylor swift )
series masterlist . . . available here )
a/n . . . this isn’t proof read because between this and my uni work i’ve been staring at my laptop all day so my eyes are killing me, sorry! )
Mason's living room buzzed with the friendly banter and laughter as Y/N, Ben, Reece and Mason gathered for a night in. It had been a while since the four of them had spent time together casually, so they all found time for a night of takeaway pizza, beer and video games. The glow of the TV screen illuminated their faces, casting a warm ambiance across the room and the air was thick with the camaraderie of a makeshift FIFA tournament.  
Ben and Reece started them off, their thumbs dancing across the controllers in a fierce match. It was a close call, but Ben emerged victorious, celebrated with an exaggerated victory dance that drew laughs from the others. Up next was Y/N and Mason, it was no secret that Y/N wasn’t particularly skilled in FIFA, in comparison to Mason who had dedicated a large portion of his teenage years to the game. The game had started with Mason going one goal up in a matter of seconds, however once he had seen a look of subtle disappointment spread across her face, he very slightly adjusted his play, letting her take the win. She was more than taken aback when she secured an unexpected win and Mason's mock disappointment was met with Y/N's triumphant grin, and a knowing look passed between the man and his friends as they sussed out what he had done.  
As the next match kicked off between Ben and Y/N, the room echoed with a mix of playful taunts and infectious laughter. The game was fast-paced, and because Ben had no reason to let Y/N win; she quicky found herself trailing a few goals behind.  
“So, Y/N, when’s your next date with Max?” Reece asked her as she was trying and failing to stop her opponent from scoring once again.  
Ben, momentarily distracted from the game, swiveled his head in surprise, "Wait, you guys went on a date? Why am I always the last to know?" 
Mason remained silent, observing the situation and wishing that Reece hadn’t brought up Max. Y/N, with a nervous chuckle, downplayed the encounter, "It was just a casual thing. Next time, I promise to give you a heads-up, Ben." 
Reece, ever perceptive, probed further, "Any plans for a follow-up date?" 
Y/N sighed, an air of disappointment trailing her words “I don’t know, we wanted to do something but it's so hard with our schedules and being so far away. He’s in the UK this weekend but with the charity gala on Sunday I’m just swamped with stuff to do.” 
The sadness in Y/N’s eyes was unmissable to Mason and without a second thought he blurted out, "Why don't you invite him to the gala?" The suggestion hung in the air for a moment, and he felt a twinge of uncertainty. Reece shot him a subtle, questioning glance, recognizing the potential complications, but Mason's gaze was fixed on Y/N.  
A spark of hope flickered in Y/N's eyes, and she hesitated for a moment before responding, "You don't have to do that for me, Mason." 
Yet, Mason could see the excitement building in her, so he insisted, "I know I don't have to, but I want to. Invite him. It'll be a good time." 
Y/N's response was a delighted squeal, and she abandoned the ongoing FIFA match with Ben to envelop Mason in a tight hug. Ben, interrupted mid-game, groaned theatrically, but Y/N didn’t even hear his complaints; too busy thanking her best friend. As she hugged Mason tightly, he couldn't deny the warmth that spread through him. Her joy was infectious, and he found solace in the simple act of having her in his arms. The comfort of their embrace was undeniable, a familiar feeling that stirred emotions he had grown accustomed to. 
Yet, beneath the surface, there lingered a bittersweet tinge. Mason couldn't ignore the slight disappointment that crept in when he realized it was the thought of Max that lit up Y/N's eyes so brilliantly. He cared for her deeply, and her happiness mattered more to him than anything, even if it meant setting aside his own desires. 
The evening past quicky, and soon the men found themselves alone, with Y/N going home to get an early night. The second she left though, Mason found himself getting whacked over the head semi-gently by Reece.  
“Ow man what the fuck was that?” he asked, completely baffled as to what he had done to make his friend do that.  
“Why the hell would you tell Y/N she can invite Max on Sunday?” Reece asked, before smacking his best friend around the head again. 
“Fuck ow stop that” Mason said pushing him away and sighing “I don't really know. She looked sad, disappointed, and I wanted to cheer her up. So, I suggested she invite Max to the gala. It's not a big deal." 
Reece, never one to let things slide, persisted. "You remember the last time you had to be around them together, right? And that was when they were just starting to get to know each other. Now, they've been on dates. How are you going to cope with that?" 
Mason waved off the concern, a forced nonchalance in his tone. "It had been a bad few days that weekend. I'll be fine now." 
Ben, chiming in with a touch of confusion, asked, "What's the problem? Y/N seems to really like Max. Isn't that a good thing? You can stop worrying about her liking you." 
Mason managed a half-smile, but there was a depth of complexity in his expression. "Yeah, exactly. That's why I suggested she invite him." Despite his words, a tinge of dejection lingered, and Reece caught on. There was something more beneath the surface, but he decided not to press further in front of Ben, though as they continued their evening, he couldn't shake the feeling that Mason's nonchalant demeanor masked a more profound turmoil. He silently resolved to keep a watchful eye on his friend, sensing there might be more to Mason's emotions than he was letting on. 
As Sunday approached, Y/N found herself immersed in a whirlwind of preparations for Mason's charity gala. The days leading up to the event were a blur of coordinating details, arranging decorations, and ensuring everything was in place. In the midst of her busy schedule, Y/N managed to invite Max, who enthusiastically accepted the invitation. 
However, as the day of the gala arrived and Y/N finally had a moment to breathe, a wave of anxiety and anticipation washed over her. The realization that she would see Max again, especially with Mason also present, brought a mix of nerves and excitement. The thought of navigating the evening with both men in attendance added an extra layer of complexity to her emotions. 
Mason, for his part, seemed to have reverted to his old self. Their interactions resumed a sense of normalcy, with one notable exception – the majority of their physical contact had faded away. Y/N understood the reasons behind this shift, but it still contributed to the charged atmosphere surrounding the gala 
As Y/N adorned herself in an elegant ballgown, Mason arrived to pick her up for the gala. The moment he laid eyes on her, he was utterly gobsmacked by her beauty. A quiet awe filled the space between them as he took in her appearance. 
Driving to the venue, Y/N attempted to focus on the logistical details of the event, discussing what needed to be done throughout the night. However, Mason interjected, informing her that she had the day off. He insisted that he could handle the responsibilities, emphasizing that she deserved to enjoy the evening without being burdened by work. 
Surprised by his gesture, Y/N questioned his decision, pointing out the multitude of tasks that required attention. Mason simply responded, "I've got it covered. You should spend the night with Max; it wouldn't be fair to bring him here and then have you running around all night." 
Grateful for his consideration, Y/N thanked him again, a genuine smile gracing her face. They stepped out of the car, and she couldn't resist giving Mason another appreciative hug before entering the venue. 
Max arrived shortly after in a tailored black suit, looking effortlessly sharp. Y/N couldn't help but notice just how good he looked as he kissed her on the cheek and complimented her appearance. They made their way to the table where Mason, Reece, Ben, and Ben's girlfriend were seated. Max greeted everyone with a warm smile, shaking hands with each person. Mason, determined to appear calm and collected, reciprocated the gesture with a firm handshake. 
As the night unfolded, the group engaged in lively conversation. Max, ever polite, directed his attention toward Mason, expressing genuine interest in the charity work he was involved in. Mason shared his longstanding commitment to Together for Short Lives, explaining that he had been supporting the organization since the early days of his football career. He emphasized his desire to give back and contribute to meaningful causes. Y/N chimed in, “Mason has always been so great with this stuff, I love working with someone who devotes so much time to helping people”. Mason, though modest, felt a surge of pride at Y/N's words, appreciating her admiration. 
Dinner was served, and the atmosphere around the table buzzed with conversation and laughter. Y/N and Max, engrossed in their own dialogue, spoke quietly, creating an intimate space between them amidst the lively ambiance of the event. Mason couldn't help but find his attention drawn toward them, curious about the nature of their conversation. He observed Max leaning in, whispering something that prompted Y/N's laughter. The sight of her hand resting casually on Max's biceps, the way she bit her bottom lip while looking at him, stirred a complex mix of emotions in Mason. It was an involuntary response to witnessing the dynamics between them. 
As Y/N and Max excused themselves to go to the bar, Mason's eyes followed their every move. He noticed Max's hand gently placed on the small of Y/N's back as they walked away. Reece, observing Mason's silent contemplation, sipped his whiskey, sensing the tension in the air. The quiet yet intense scrutiny Mason directed toward Y/N and Max didn't go unnoticed. At the bar, Mason watched with an almost laser-like focus as Y/N leaned in, whispering something to Max. The image of her cherry-red lips grazing Max's skin lingered in Mason's mind, leaving an imprint that he couldn't quite shake. 
Y/N, however, was far too wrapped up in Max’s company to notice Mason’s lingering gazes. Any anxiety that she had that things between them would be awkward after she ran away from their date was quickly proved wrong, with the pair of them seemingly only getting closer. 
“Have a mentioned how beautiful you look tonight Y/N” he whispered in her ear, prompting a small giggle to escape from her lips. 
“Oh, only a few dozen times I think” she feigned uninterest before breaking into giggles, resting her head on the Deutchmans shoulder beside her; suddenly feeling herself becoming very flustered.  
"Do you want to step outside for a bit? It's a bit crowded in there." 
Max agreed, and Y/N slipped her hand into his as they strolled away from the lively gala. They found a quiet bench under the stars and sat down, the ambient sounds of the night surrounding them. 
"Thank you for inviting me," Max said, breaking the comfortable silence. "I've had a lot of fun with you tonight." 
Y/N smiled warmly. "I've had a great time too. I just wish we could see each other more." 
Max's eyes sparkled as he responded, "I'm racing in Austria next week, I’d love for you to come along. And, I know you said you want to take things slow and I respect that, but you know, the offer to take you to Monaco is always open." 
His words hung in the air, and Y/N found herself looking at him, drawn in by the magnetic connection between them. Before she could process her own actions, an unexpected surge of courage propelled her forward. Without a second thought, she leaned in, capturing Max's lips with hers. The kiss was a revelation, a moment suspended in time. Y/N felt a gentle warmth spreading through her, a tender acknowledgment of shared feelings. Max's lips were soft against hers, and the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of them in that quiet corner under the stars. 
For Y/N, the kiss was nothing short of magic. It was a sweet exploration of a newfound connection, a silent affirmation of the unspoken desires that had lingered between them. Their lips fit together like they were made for each other, and when Max deepened the kiss Y/N saw stars. As they pulled away, she couldn't help but marvel at the enchantment of that stolen moment, leaving her heart fluttering with anticipation. She had never had a kiss like that before, there was so much passion and chemistry it left her feeling a little dumbfounded.  
The gala resumed its vibrant atmosphere as Y/N and Max returned, smiles adorning their faces. Unbeknownst to them, Mason's eyes were fixed on the faint smudge of red lipstick around Max's mouth. His attempt to remain calm was futile as a whirlwind of emotions swirled within him. 
Max and Y/N rejoined the table, the shared moment still lingering between them. Mason, increasingly agitated, couldn't shake the unsettling sight before him. The barely-there mark on Max's face became a glaring symbol of something he couldn't fully comprehend. 
Unable to contain the whirlwind of emotions, Mason downed the remainder of his whiskey in one gulp before abruptly standing up, his chair scraping against the floor. He mumbled something about needing a moment and hastily excused himself from the table. The others exchanged puzzled glances, unsure of what had transpired. Y/N, sensing that something was wrong with her best friend, began to stand up, but Reece, ever perceptive, also rose from his seat. He looked at Y/N and asked, "Mind if I go see if he's okay? I think he might need a moment." 
Y/N nodded, still puzzled, and watched as Reece followed Mason out of the gala. The atmosphere at the table became tense, shrouded in uncertainty, as they all wondered what had just occurred. 
Reece stepped out into the cool night, his eyes scanning the surroundings until he spotted Mason pacing in a corner, his hands running through his hair in a display of frustration and turmoil. The sight was disconcerting, and Reece quickened his pace. 
As he approached, he noticed the raw emotion etched on Mason's face, a mix of anguish and vulnerability. It looked like he was about to burst into tears, and Reece could sense that something profound was troubling his friend. 
"You were right," Mason's voice cracked, his eyes desperately searching for some semblance of understanding. Reece furrowed his brows, concerned about the depth of Mason's distress. 
"I was right about what? What's going on, Mase?" Reece inquired; his voice laced with worry. 
Mason, unable to contain the storm of emotions within him, continued to pace, his fists clenched in frustration. "I can't watch him all over her, I can't. I fucking love her, mate, and I don't know what to do. I pushed her away; I pushed her into him. I was scared, and I panicked, and I've ruined everything." 
Reece felt a wave of shock wash over him. Mason's raw confession about his feelings for Y/N was unexpected, and it left him grappling with the weight of his friend's emotional turmoil. As much as Reece wanted to comfort his friend his frustration surged to the surface as he spoke, a mix of concern and disappointment evident in his voice. "Mase, I don't want to be harsh, but you've got to get your act together," he urged, his eyes piercing through the darkness. 
Mason, taken aback by Reece's directness, listened intently, unsure of what was about to unfold. 
"You treated Y/N so unfairly when you found out about how she felt. You pushed her away, and it broke her," Reece continued, his tone unwavering. "She loved you, and you found out, told her she ruined everything. She would never tell you this, but that broke her." 
Mason's expression shifted from surprise to a dawning realization of the impact of his actions. 
Reece, not mincing words, pressed on. "If she's found somebody that makes her happy, then if you're her friend, if you really care about her, then you will shut your mouth and not tell her any of this. It's not fair. I know you've known her longer than me, but anyone can see that she is the sweetest girl in the world. And no matter what or who comes along, she will always love you. She deserves to be happy, and if Max makes her happy, then let her be happy with him. Don't confuse her with your feelings, not now. Not after what you did." 
The weight of Reece's words hung in the air, and before Before Mason could respond to Reece's blunt but necessary words, Y/N and Max approached, their entwined hands a visual testament to the complexity of Mason's emotions. “Hey guys, I think we’re going to head off if tha-” she started before  
observing the tension etched across Mason's face, and immediately picking up on the strained atmosphere. Her concern seeped into her voice as she inquired, "What's going on, guys?" 
Mason hesitated, teetering on the edge of transparency. His gaze flitted between Y/N and Reece, contemplating whether to lay bare his inner turmoil. However, as he looked at Y/N standing beside Max, Reece's earlier counsel echoed in his mind. He realized that now wasn't the time to burden her with his feelings. 
A forced smile appeared on Mason's face as he replied, "Everything's perfectly fine." Y/N, unconvinced, began to ask again, but Mason, interrupting her, expressed gratitude, "Thank you both for coming. Max, your generous donation means a lot. It was lovely to see you again." 
Y/N's perceptive eyes searched Mason's face, detecting something amiss. However, Reece subtly signaled to let it go. With a parting goodbye, Y/N walked away with Max's arm around her waist. 
Mason watched them leave, the internal struggle vivid on his face. The desire to run after her and ask her to stay battled with the understanding that letting her find happiness, even if it wasn't with him, was the right thing to do. 
Max navigated the city streets, his fingers lightly tapping on the steering wheel as he drove Y/N back to her apartment. The car's interior cocooned them in a tranquil atmosphere, the hum of the engine blending with the soft music playing from the radio. As they merged into traffic, Max couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss. "Mason seemed really bothered by something tonight," he remarked, glancing at Y/N. She nodded, her brow furrowed with concern. "I don't know what's wrong with him, but I'm really worried," she admitted. 
Reaching over, Max placed a reassuring hand on Y/N's thigh, giving it a comforting squeeze. "I'm sure he'll figure things out. Sometimes, it just takes time," he offered, his gaze returning to the road. 
The rest of the drive continued in comfortable silence. Eventually, as the city lights painted a picturesque backdrop, Y/N broke the quiet with a nervous giggle. "I think I would like to come to Monaco with you at some point, if that's still up for grabs." 
A broad grin stretched across Max's face. "Of course, it is, I’d love that" he replied, his eyes briefly meeting hers. 
When they arrived at her apartment, Max, displaying a gentlemanly gesture, asked if he could walk her up to her door to ensure she got in safely. Y/N agreed, and they strolled together through the dimly lit corridor. Upon reaching her door, the ambiance shifted. Max leaned down, capturing Y/N's lips in a gentle kiss. Y/N’s hands reach up the back of his neck, her fingers lacing themselves in Max’s hair as their lips moved against each other. Their connection lingered for a moment before they pulled away, breaths slightly labored as Max rested his forehead against hers.  
“Do you want to come in?” 
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chelseachilly · 9 months
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THIS LOVE - prologue | high tide came and brought you in
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pairing: ben chilwell x reader
rating: T
word count: 1.5k
summary: you and ben have been best friends since you were kids. there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for him, including pretending to be his girlfriend to help his career when his public image has taken a hit. what’s the worst that can happen?
A/N: hi everyone! welcome to my latest ben fic! thanks to everyone who voted in the poll i made recently, ultimately i couldn’t decide so ended up going with both fake dating and friends to lovers lol. the title is from this love by taylor swift (taylor’s version obvi) <3
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When you woke up today, becoming Ben Chilwell’s girlfriend is the last thing you would’ve expected to happen. Short of an alien invasion or a complete nuclear apocalypse, there is hardly any conceivable scenario that you would’ve had a harder time believing.
The day starts like any other.
You wake up after hitting snooze a couple times then hurry to get ready for work. You don’t have time to make coffee at home, so you grab a latte and a bagel from Pret on your way to the hospital.
It’s a typical, stressful day in the life of an A&E nurse, with a few major traumas coming in and the usual NHS understaffing issues.
You have lunch with your favourite coworker talk close friend Valerie, who you met in uni, and talked shit about your least favourite coworkers while eating mediocre salads from the cafeteria.
By the end of the day, you’re totally exhausted, practically dragging your feet as you walk up the stairs to your flat and collapse on the couch.
You’ve just mustered the energy to change into your pyjamas when there’s a knock on your door, and you excitedly run over to grab your dinner.
Unfortunately, it isn’t the Indian takeaway you’ve ordered waiting for you on the other side, it’s your best friend Ben.
“I thought you were Indian food,” you groan.
“Sorry to disappoint,” Ben chuckles as you step aside to let him in and he kicks off his shoes. “Tough day?”
“Long day,” you reply, walking back over to your couch and plopping down as Ben walks into your kitchen to get a drink, making himself at home.
You and Ben have been best friends since you were six, when you and your family moved and you started at the same primary school as him. He was the first kid to show you some kindness by asking if you wanted to join him and his mates for a game of football at recess. Obviously, at the time you couldn’t have predicted that the childhood pastime would turn into a massively successful career for him.
You two grew closer over the years and remained close even when he started at Leicester’s academy and you didn’t get to spend nearly as much time together. You almost never missed a home game, regardless of if it was a friendly in the academy days or a monumental Champions League match once he made it to Chelsea.
Likewise, Ben has always been there for you, supporting you as you worked your butt off to make it through uni and get your nursing certification. He was elated when you landed a job at a hospital in London not long after he signed with Chelsea, immediately offering you a spare bedroom.
Although you did take him up on that offer for a couple months while you saved up and looked for a decent flat, you eventually got your own place to be closer to work. And because you found that guys you went out with were either threatened or way too excited when they found out you lived with a Premier League footballer.
You’ve both been living in London for about three years now, and while you’ve made your fair share of friends in the city, there is something special about the bond you have with Ben. He knows you better than anyone else, just as you know him, and hanging out with him always feels right.
He feels like home.
Ben joins you on the couch with two beers he stole from your fridge, one of which he passes to you.
You raise an eyebrow, accepting the drink and taking a sip. “Since when are you allowed to drink the week of a game?”
“I’m just having one,” Ben retorts, kicking his feet up on your coffee table. “I’ve had a long day, too.”
“Oh, right, the PR meeting was today,” you recall. “How did it go?”
“Not great,” he sighs. “Do you think I’m a man whore?”
You nearly spit out your beer, trying very hard not to laugh as Ben looks at you with complete earnestness.
“Well, um, I wouldn’t say it like that,” you chuckle. “But…”
“Oh my god,” Ben groans. “If my best friend thinks that, no wonder my publicist says my image is shit.”
Frankly, Ben’s reputation has been better. Lately, he’s been spotted with more models and influencers than you can keep track of, none of whom stick around for very long. The media has been loving it, branding him as Chelsea’s resident playboy and splashing photos of him leaving clubs with beautiful women all over the tabloids.
You try not to judge, as it’s none of your business who Ben hooks up with, but you do think it’s a bit unlike him to be so reckless about it. Nevertheless, you’ve kept those thoughts to yourself.
“Isn’t that sort of the norm for footballers, though?” you question. “I mean, it’s not like a cheating scandal or something. Some of those guys are way worse than you, at least from what I’ve seen online.”
“Yeah, but according to Shreya, my publicist, times are changing and people don’t like the playboy shit anymore. Apparently I would have more luck getting brand deals and stuff if I seemed more…wholesome.”
You love Ben, but you struggle to see the man who proudly told you he left Jack Grealish’s party with two girls a few weeks ago as wholesome.
“So, what’s the plan?” you ask, taking another sip of beer. “Be more discreet with your hookups?”
“Not exactly,” Ben replies. “The team thinks…and I know this sounds crazy, but they want me to get a girlfriend. Well, a fake one. Someone to improve my image.”
You can’t help but burst out laughing at the absurdity of the situation, and Ben narrows his eyes at you.
“God, I didn’t know famous people actually did that,” you say, trying to hold back your laughter. “Who’s she gonna set you up with? Please say it’s Taylor Swift. She’s single now!”
Ben laughs for a moment before setting his beer down on the table and turning to face you with a slightly more serious expression on his face.
“Actually, they had someone else in mind,” he says sheepishly. “Someone I already know.”
“Who is it?” you ask, trying to rack your brain to think of what girls Ben knows that would improve his image. Outside of his family and his mates’ girlfriends, you’re pretty much the only woman who is a constant presence in his life. “Wait, are you - don’t tell me you’re asking me?”
Ben pauses for a moment before hesitantly nodding, looking a bit as though he’s afraid you’re going to hit him. Which, frankly, you’re considering.
“The PR team asked if I knew any girls that would work and Mark started going on and on about how you’re my best friend and a nurse and they all said you would be perfect-“
“Ben, I can’t date you!” you exclaim, cursing his agent, Mark, for even suggesting something so absurd. “Who would even believe that?”
“We don’t need people who know us to believe it, just the public,” he states. “And you don’t have to actually date me, we just have to pretend in public for a couple months.”
“I know, but…”
“Please, Y/N?” Ben says, looking at you with wide eyes that you’ve found hard to resist since he was using them to get your extra biscuits in fourth year. “I know it’s a weird request, but it could really help me out.”
It’s really hard to say no to that. Ben has always been there for you in every way imaginable. He once flew to Leeds, where you went to uni, on a moment’s notice because you were stressing over finals and needed a friend. A couple years into his time at Leicester, your dad lost his job and Ben insisted upon covering your parents’ mortgage for six months to help out, claiming he “owed them for all the Sunday roasts” and refusing to accept repayment even when your dad found work again.
He would never use any of that as a bargaining chip or try to cash in a favour, but you really do feel as though you owe him one. And more importantly, you want to help him.
“Okay,” you sigh. “I’ll be your stupid fake girlfriend or whatever.”
“Really?” Ben’s face lights up and he pulls you into a tight hug. “Thank you so much. God, you’re a lifesaver.”
You hug him back just as tightly, breathing in his familiar scent - a mix of his aftershave with a bit of grass and something else.
“You’re welcome,” you say, rolling your eyes slightly as you pull back. “I feel like I’m gonna regret this.”
“You won’t, I promise,” Ben assures you. “I’ll give you a cut when I land the next big brand deal, how’s that?”
“Ew, no, that makes me feel a bit prostitutey,” you chuckle. “It’s just a favour, no need to compensate me. Although you can pay for the food when it gets here, since you’re gonna end up stealing half of it anyways.”
“Deal,” he grins, grabbing your TV remote and putting on an episode of New Girl you’ve both seen before.
As you settle in with your beers and samosas, laughing at the television together, you can’t help but wonder what you’ve just signed up for.
Oh well. What’s the worst that could happen?
A/N: i hope you enjoyed this first part, please let me know what you thought!! should have the next up soon! 💕 (also let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!)
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fayes-fics · 1 year
Text
The Gift
Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x pregnantfem!reader, modern AU
Summary: Modern AU. Your best friend Benedict gives you a gift in more ways than one.
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Warnings: 18+ smut, minors DNI, pregnant sex, pregnancy kink, dirty talk, vaginal sex, woman on top, friends with benefits, blindfold (not used during sex).
Word count: 5.1k
Build-a-blurb prompt: Benedict + smut + friends with benefits + pregnancy + blindfolds. From @queen-of-the-misfit-toys
Author's note: This is one of the prompts I got months ago in my 1k follower celebration. I’m certain this is not at all what you envisioned with this prompt; sorry, it's what my mind settled on. If you want sweeping romance, look elsewhere. This is intentionally naturalistic; I was striving for realism around the surprising development of intimacy between long-term close friends. I hope it works. Also, please excuse any inaccuracies around the pregnancy experience; I have no personal frame of reference, just what friends have shared.
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It’s a rainy, dreary Wednesday when your life is turned around most unexpectedly. One of those nothing days that becomes something out of seemingly nowhere.
The week started like any other, really; the only unusual thing was on Monday when your friend Benedict asked for your spare set of keys to your flat; you acquiesced even though it seemed uncharacteristic. You trust him completely. He said something about wanting to babyproof some things for your impending arrival. The very real, very looming deadline of single parenthood is quite daunting. 
This is not how it was supposed to go.
The man who got you pregnant, your ex, turned out to be, well, spineless in the face of the reality he had willingly signed onto. He ran away to another woman around the fourth month of your pregnancy. Good riddance to bad rubbish in hindsight, traumatising as it was. 
Ever since, your friends have been the most incredible network of individuals to lean on for support, including the lovely Benedict Bridgerton. His room was opposite yours on the first day of uni, and you’ve been close friends ever since. He was rich, beautiful, bisexual and the most fun person you had ever met. You became firm friends on that first day, and you are still close fifteen years later. An initial flare of romantic feelings on your part metamorphosed into a deep, abiding mutual bond that is decidedly steadfast and deeply rooted in your life. 
So when you waddle, yes, sadly, you have reached the waddling stage of pregnancy now, into your flat after work that fateful Wednesday, you don’t expect to be greeted by an excited Benedict rocking on his heels and grinning like a madman.
“Ben…” you greet suspiciously.
“Hello!!” He fizzes with energy and enthusiastically helps you out of your coat. “How is bubs today?” He asks, nodding at your bump.
“Lovely but pain in the bum, as usual,” you answer, rubbing it. “Speaking of, it’s more like a pain in the bladder. I have to go wee. Sorry.”
“Please do,” he gestures to the bathroom door, and you step in.
“Don’t stay in the hallway,” you call through the door.
“Why not?”
“I don’t want you to hear me weeing!”
“Why not? Everyone does it,” he laughs, “but okay, okay, I’ll go to the kitchen. Need a drink?”
“Yeah, double espresso martini, please,” you jest as you fight with your clothing, deciding to just leave your maternity tights right there on the floor—a problem for future you.
“Haha,” he deadpans,  “water it is.”
“Fine,” you sigh.
When you emerge a minute later, he is holding out a glass of water just as you like, with a touch of ice and a wedge of lemon squeezed and then dropped in. 
“You’re a lifesaver,” you reach up and pat his cheek affectionately, taking the water and guzzling it slightly.
“I have a surprise for you,” his tone is jubilant.
“Oh yeah, what is it?”
“Well, I’m not going to tell you, am I?” he rolls his eyes with a chuckle and takes the glass from your hand, placing it aside.
He holds out his other hand, and there is… well, there’s a blindfold. You are very nonplussed.
“What is this about?” you ask, confused.
“I want you to wear this, please,” he smiles that trademark Benedict smile that still makes your insides melt all these years later. He knows it’s a weapon, and yet he still deploys it. You’d do anything he asks when he looks like that. And he bloody well knows it.
“Can I ask some questions first?”
“Of course.”
“Are we leaving the flat again? Cos if we are, you’ll have to fight my shoes back onto my bloody feet. I don’t have the energy.”
“No, we are staying right here.”
“Ok, next question, do you promise not to blindfold me and then just leave? I’ll be pissed off,” you warn.
“That’s a shitty thing to do to anyone,” he frowns, “I would never do that,” he vows.
“As if you couldn’t guess, that question comes from bitter experience,” you huff wryly. 
“Who? I will track them down and kick them in the nuts.” Funny how he instantly knows it’s about a man. His jaw is ticked, and his usual chivalry has your heart bloom just a fraction.
“You’re a great friend,” you obfuscate, patting his hand. Not wanting to add fuel to the hindsight red flag fire that is your ex, you change tack. “Come on then, let's do this.”
You allow him to put the blindfold on you; he is so gentle as he does so, ensuring your hair does not catch on the elastic. Just that simple, thoughtful thing has you slightly maudlin; pregnancy is undoubtedly an emotional rollercoaster. Last week you cried at a bus stop poster. Not an elegantly shed tear, full-on tears rolling. Everyone else waiting at the stop seemed to move away a few feet, their eyes saying, ‘Beware of strange pregnant lady’. His warm hand slots into yours, bringing you back to the present. 
“Hey, no peeking!” he murmurs as you tilt your head back and attempt to look under the blindfold.
“What is going on, Benedict?” you whisper, the darkness suddenly making you quiet and a strange butterflies sensation in your belly as he leads you gently by the hand across your flat.
“I told you I have a present for you, and I wanted it to be a surprise,” he answers enigmatically.
“You really had to blindfold me?” you shoot back.
“Yes, it's all part of the surprise,” he chuckles.
He opens the door to what you think is your guest room. You are temporarily confused when the number of steps he takes usually would mean you’d have walked right into your guest bed by now. The very one he often crashes in. It reminds you, you need to get some quotes for turning this room into a nursery before it’s too late. Then he interrupts your once again wayward train of thought.
“I’ve been wondering for a long time what gift I can give you for this brave new adventure you are embarking on,” he says with a sincerity that intrigues you. “I wanted it to be something lasting and meaningful, and this is what I came up with. I hope you like it.”
His tone almost seems nervous as he tugs at the blindfold and removes it from your face.
“Surprise!”  he calls quietly and steps back with a flourish.
Your eyes squint as you adjust then...
Speechless.
Utterly speechless.
He has not babyproofed your flat—the wonderful arsehole has built you a nursery.
Gone are all the usual contents of the room; in their place is what looks like every piece on your wishlist—the crib, the changing table, the wardrobe, the rocking chair, and even the rug, curtains and lamps you wanted. 
But what catches your eye most is the walls. On that plain light beige canvas, he has handpainted the most gorgeous animal safari in muted, soft tones, rounded, adorable cartoon versions of elephants, giraffes, big cats, antelope and hippos interspersed amongst trees, grasslands and watering holes. It is simply breathtaking—overwhelming and so magnificent.
“Now I can’t take full credit,” he explains meekly. “We all pitched in to buy the items, and I had some people deliver and assemble it today as I painted.”
You can’t help it. You start to sob. Not sweet, ladylike tears, body-wracking ugly sobs. You have to grab his arm to stay on your feet.
“Oh god, are you ok?” his tone filled with concern, “shit, was this wrong?”
“No, no, no, no, no!! Ben,” you cry, “this is… I have no words; I just…” you start to sob again, incapable of words, tears rolling down your cheek. “This is so wonderful,” you hiccup, “look at your stunning artwork Ben; this is so, so exquisite. I… I don't deserve this.”
“Like hell you don’t,” he counters, “you are the bravest person I know; this is nothing.”
You throw your arms around him, not caring, just wanting to convey your gratitude.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” squeezing him hard as you chant into the soft skin of his neck, leaving a damp patch from your tears.
His arms wrap as tight as they can with your bump in the way, and he murmurs you are welcome in your ear so sweetly it’s impossible to resist what you do next.
You grab his jaw, push up onto your tiptoes and land a kiss squarely on his lips. You can’t blame alcohol for this irrational behaviour (your usual reason for such things); instead, you can blame pregnancy hormones, which is precisely what you will do once you pull away. But the greedy part of you just wants to take from him for a moment, to linger, to enjoy a kiss; god knows it's been months since you had one, and he doesn’t seem to be fighting you off. In fact, he is kissing you back with surprising fervour. Your lips move together, and it feels phenomenal, like the opening few bars of a delightful symphony.
“Sorry,” you whisper onto his lips, and then you fall back to your flat feet. “I’m so… god, that wasn’t at all appropriate. But no one has ever done anything this incredible for me my whole life, and I… I didn’t know how to react. Please accept my apologies.”
You finally look up at him again, and there is something in his eyes that compels you not to look away.
“No,” he mutters, staring you down.
“No, what?”
“No, I won't accept your apology.”
You look horrified for a split second. “Ben, please, I reacted wrong, I know, but I’m pregnant and very emotional. I...”
“I won’t accept your apology,” he cuts in, “because you did nothing wrong.”
“But I kissed you! That was so inappropriate of me!” you bemoan.
“If that’s true, Then I’m really going to have to apologise for this…” and that’s all the warning you get before his lips are on yours again.
And your world stops. Then it spins like a Waltzer. You realise you are frozen in shock, so you respond before he can pull away. Throw yourself into kissing him back, making a noise you are sure you've never made, wanton and desirous. Your whole body feels alight and electric as his hands pull you into him, sweeping down your back.
“Ben, I…” you stutter onto his lips as he breaks away for air.
“Talk later,” he urges, and you silently nod to agree before he dives back in. 
You are not going to look this gift horse in the mouth. You have been so, well, horny during your pregnancy. If someone flesh and blood, especially one this handsome, is going to kiss you and whatever else, there is no way you want to do anything to impede it. You know him so well that you can tell he is as surprised by his actions as you are. But to his credit, he is going with it. Indeed going for it in a way that makes you irrationally jealous of every person he has kissed before. He knows exactly how to make you a breathless mess in his arms. 
“Ben…” you begin as he starts kissing down your neck, the slide of his lips making your eyes close.
He gently shushes you. “I need you to know something important,” his breath is hot on your skin.
“Tell me,” you whisper, almost drunk on sensation.
He pulls away slightly as you reopen your eyes, which are undoubtedly glassy and unfocused.
“I didn’t do this,” he gestures around the room, “for this,” he gestures between you. “This is not a quid pro quo. But by god, am I happy this is happening,” he admits with an adorable grin.
“Noted” you grin back and pull his face back to yours, kissing him hotly.
“But I feel obliged to let you know; it’s been a while since I was with a woman,” he admits, almost sheepish. The humble way he says it tells you he is offering you sex. And by god, you want it.
“Ben, I haven't even so much as kissed anyone in months. This, anything frankly, is just perfect,” you confess between almost breathless kisses.
He gently, oh so gently, unties the bow at the back of your wrap dress, kissing you as he does so. When he whips the dress off your shoulders and flings it across the room, you can’t help the giggle that bubbles up inside; his charming, responding smile makes you want to swoon. 
“Are you sure? I look so…,” you fret as you stand before him, feeling vulnerable now in just your bra and knickers, “you can still say no…” you offer him an out.
“You look like what you are,” he says gently, his hands cupping your face as a thumb swipes your cheek, “a beautiful pregnant woman.” 
You want to dispute it; remind him you are waddling like a duck these days, but you don’t want him to stop. You want to push him to the ground and ride whatever he has going on under those jeans until you are both screaming.
“Stop,” you demure.
“I mean it.” 
As if to make you more comfortable, he quickly discards his t-shirt and slides off his jeans almost perfunctorily. You don’t even get to ogle him as he spins you around to face the full-length mirror on the back of the door. You see your body swollen and him standing behind you in underpants, slightly to one side. He looks stunning, all ropey thighs and toned arms. You feel like a hot air balloon standing before a racehorse.
“Look at yourself,” he orders quietly, hands on your shoulders, then slipping down to map your body. “My god, you look amazing. Powerful and womanly, you are bringing life into the world, and you look amazing doing it. Your skin is glowing.” A large hand runs low around the swell of your belly, cupping it. “I… didn't know it before, but I might have a thing for pregnant bodies. Or rather your pregnant body,” he admits, sounding almost ashamed. 
“I bet you say that to all the pregnant girls,” you murmur in jest, selfishly grabbing his hands and bringing them up to your breasts, his grip through the lacy bra just the most glorious feeling.
He chuckles at your words. “I'm just being honest,” he assures.
“Take off my bra Ben,” you appeal. The slide of his fingers under the clasp resting on your breastbone makes your skin hot and prickly. 
As he gently pulls the cups aside, his groan has you pushing back against him instinctually. In the mirror, you watch his awed gaze in the reflection as he cups your naked flesh this time. He only has to utter the word divine, and you are so desperate for him that you must have him immediately, a sweeping, powerful need that almost knocks the wind from you. You spin around in his arms and push up onto your tiptoes, kissing him hard.
“Lay down,” your request muffled into his mouth.
His sweet, almost shy grin, as he does as bidden, laying down on the soft rug, gives a warm glow under your ribs. He’s still your friend, even with whatever this is. 
“Do you mind if I turn off the lights?” Your request is a quiet thing.
“Whatever makes you comfortable,’ his reply soft and tinged with understanding. 
There is still the orange glow of the London sky filtering in after you flick the switch—it’s never truly dark in the city. You can see enough to easily stare down at his prone outline, toned and lithe, with a delicious-looking bulge straining in his underpants. You really can’t believe your luck.
“Oh god. Please take off your underwear,” it sounds like a whine from your lips, and you inhale sharply as he does exactly what you command. What springs free has your mouth watering, and you drop to your knees beside him. “Holy fuck Ben,” you breathe, your hand grabbing him, almost a reflex.
He gasps as you fist his cock, it’s warm and steely, and it’s been so many months since you handled one, and many years since one this size and pleasant, that before you know it, you are swinging a leg over and straddling him.
His little breathy moans and twitches as you pump and squeeze him are everything. 
“You are very good at this,” he whispers as you settle over his downy thighs.
“I’m sure you’ve had much better,” you demure.
“Don’t sell yourself short,” he moans as you swipe a thumb over his leaking slit. You continue to work him, speeding up a little and squeezing. His feral noise instantly has you throbbing. “Why are your knickers still on?” He demands hotly, eyes meeting yours with a burning intensity.
“I…. am happy to just do this,” you stutter, still giving him an out.
“Y/n, if you want sex, even half as much as I do right now, you better decide before you take me too far,” he warns through slightly clenched teeth.
Somehow his honesty is refreshing. Of course, you want it; you are positively fizzing and so wet you could slide right off his thigh.
“Rip them, Ben,” you implore, guiding one of his hands to the seam at your hip.
“Honestly?!?”
“Yes fucking please,” you confirm, staring him down.
He pulls your hand off his cock, as if it’s too distracting, and the room echoes with the sound of lace being torn asunder.
“Fuck that is hot,” you mutter without realising it’s out loud.
He smirks and then hisses as he slides two fingers between your legs and feels just what he has wrought.
“Bloody hell, you are so wet.” he sounds almost taken aback, fingertips teasing your entrance as the heel of his palm presses against your clit.
“All you,” you state honestly, pulling his hand away and sucking on his soaked fingers as he lightly growls at you. 
“Condom?” his question is a touch frantic, but you shake your head, letting his fingers slip from your mouth. Your knowledge of his sexually responsible history regarding all his partners makes you trust he is clean. And it's not like accidental pregnancy is much of an issue. You want to feel him, skin on skin.
You shuffle, so you are lining up with his cock. Then it’s an eye-rolling, lip-biting, toe-curling stretch as he slips inside you. You take him in slowly, savouring each hot inch as you sink down. By the time your clit rests on his root, you are moaning, split open in the most fantastic, persistent way.
“Oh fuck,” you groan clit throbbing. “Fucking hell, you feel so fucking good,” you can’t stop the litany of swear words. 
His hands are a tight vice on your hipbones beneath your bump. "Please don’t move, y/n,” he gasps desperately, and he ripples inside you. “I…. I need a moment.”
You sit happily on him, getting used to the invasion, tracing patterns over his toned abdomen with your fingernails. “Someone has been to the gym,” you tease lightly, and he beams modestly, but you can see the traces of male pride there, pleased that you find him so physically attractive.
Then he gives you a nod, and you move gently, grabbing his hands as leverage as you raise up and sink down. The long exhale you let out tells how wondrous you find the stretch, the drag of his head over your walls, the heat and solid presence. You can’t glance down and watch as you like to, your bump obscuring everything, but you don't miss the way his eyes ping back and forth from your face to between your legs, watching himself disappear into your body, watching you fuck him.
There are no words for a while, just sighs, deep breaths, and gentle moans of satisfaction as you find a rhythm. Even with the baby on board, you have tried to keep up some level of cardio exercise that you are particularly grateful for now. Although you already know you would ride his cock until your thighs cramp, and your abs scream. He seems designed to hit the spot right at the top of your channel that you haven't had the pleasure of being struck in a while. It’s an addictive feeling. And when you get it, you can't help but want to bump it repeatedly, the same chemical rush you get when food tastes so good you have the urge to gobble up the entire plate without pausing.
You wish you could bend over and kiss him, but you are too ballooned to do so without pulling off, and that is the very last thing you want right now. Instead, you bring your fingers to your lips, kiss them, and then place them down on his lips. At first sweet, his smile around your fingers turns smouldering as he sucks them into his warm, wet mouth and runs his tongue fiercely over them. Dear Christ, you want that tongue between your legs to the point you clench on him spontaneously.
“Fucking hell,” he gusts, closing his eyes and pushing his head back, his strong neck standing in relief, a vein there hammering seductively. You want to bite it, scrape your teeth over his adam’s apple.
It appears you may have spoken that last thought as his eyes pop open and look at you in startlement. 
“Sorry,” you mumble.
“Don't be,” he rasps, “you can do whatever you want to my body.” 
Permitting free rein to a person seething with hormones such as you are seems like an unwittingly dangerous gamble on his part. The things you would do to him if he let you are probably so much kinkier than even you want to admit.
He groans loud. “I want you to tell me everything you just thought about because I have never seen your expression so wild or sexy.”
“Don’t make such tempting offers,” you volley back, changing angle so that his cock rubs deliciously over your g-spot as you sink. You curse again, and he watches your whole body shudder; his hands are suddenly on your arse, encouraging every move.
“Tell me,” he orders gruffly, something elemental and primaeval seemingly taking over his entire being too.
“I want to fuck you until my body and mouth are screaming,” the admission tumbling breathless as you speed up and ride him harder. “I want to use my nails and teeth and leave marks on your beautiful flesh,” you snarl.
“Fucking do it,” he responds vehemently, bringing his fingers to your mouth. “Bite me,” he urges duskily.
You take his thumb and suck it hard, the pad so fleshy and deliciously tart tasting from when he ran his hand between your legs. So you do; entrap that part between your front teeth watching his pupils dilate, and his breath get even more rapid as your teeth sink in. You stop yourself before it can become something else, where you break skin and taste blood, but you can't deny the metallic urge to do so is there. The fact his cock pulses so hard inside as you do just adds to the craving. 
You don't want to contemplate what it means for your friendship that this potentially seismic thing is happening, you are biting and riding him like an animal in heat, and he is letting you, condoning, encouraging, hell, even goading you, into it. 
Drunk on a sea of hormones, you sink and rise on him like an endless tide, your whole body dewy from the effort, and yet still, you don't stop. The flow becomes less urgent at some point, and your movements become languid, almost sensual. His touch morphs to gently strokes, your hands resting gently on his abs.
“If you were pregnant with my child, I would never leave you,” his voice husky, cupping your breasts with the perfect intensity, swiping your nipples assuredly with his thumbs.  “I would build you a fucking palace.”
“You did,” you gesture around the room.
He laughs, and you feel it inside. “No. You deserve more than this. You deserve to be cherished. You deserve to be worshipped.” he brings your hand to his mouth and kisses your palm sweetly, such an exquisite contrast to the carnality of your fucking. 
You know that sex makes people say things that are a heightened version of the truth; so many endorphins in the bloodstream is a dangerously dramatic elixir, so you dismiss how wistfully beautiful his words sound. And instead, you concentrate on chasing the completion your body craves—that utter mind-numbing bliss of orgasm. 
Leaning forward, your bump rests on his flat, taunt stomach as you grab his arms, his expression turning wild as you lean on them, pinning him down, taking what you want from his body, almost selfish. He murmurs encouraging words, telling you to go for it, gritted teeth and tendons straining. He looks so gorgeous you almost want to edge him and yourself; just keep denying yourselves repeatedly, stringing it out, savouring, torturing, and burning each other to a knife-edge and volatile place. But the greedy part of you wants it now, and your body is teetering close to exhaustion.
“Come for me, please, y/n, please,” he begs. His broken, rough, velvety tone urging you on is the catalyst you need. 
“Touch me, Benedict,” you prompt, your rare use of his full name causing something to snap in him. His fingers verge on rough as they dive between your folds and snag your clit with such ferocity you almost jump sky-high as if burned.
“Give it to me,” he growls. You've never seen him like this, and it's breathtaking. Sweaty, strung-out, teeming with desperation, debauched and wanton. His eyes blaze into yours; even in this low light, all you can see is a convex version of your face reflected in his glassy black, dilated pupils. That and his questing fingers are what send you over the edge you have been hovering so close to. 
You slam down on him, your mind short-circuiting, and your whole body shudders as your channel contracts hard around his cock, which seems even larger now, stilled and speared inside you. Every fibre and cell cresting a wave of euphoria stronger than you've experienced in many years, possibly ever. Under you, he is groaning and writhing, your rippling cunt squeezing his cock vice-like as he comes hard, mouth hanging slack, loud groans as his hands grip your thighs and he pushes up against you, emptying himself. A warmth and force you feel inside, coating your walls as he shudders.
Totally spent, you twist off his softening cock and flop onto your back next to him, exhausted but so sated even your extremities tingle, little aftershocks causing muscle twitches.
For a few moments, there is nothing but ragged breathing in the soft glow from the street lamps outside; the background hum of the city and the whoosh of water in your radiators are the only other sounds you can hear. The room smells the opposite of how a nursery should, like sex and sweat and sin. You will definitely have to clean this rug is the first random fleeting thought your brain supplies as it comes back online.
“I don’t know what this means,” he admits quietly as you lay, shoulders touching, still panting breaths.
“I don’t either.” you agree.
“But I do know you are one of my best friends in the world… and that I want to do this again,” he confesses, his hand lacing with yours.
As much as you love this man wholeheartedly, you are not ready to contemplate a romantic entanglement. Not yet, anyway.
“Listen, Ben, I’m still healing from my relationship ending the way it did, and I’m about to become a mum; I have no space to think about the future beyond that. Can we just do this? And see where it goes?”
“Yes… yes, please,” he exhales, relieved you are perhaps unexpectedly on precisely the same page.
“So you have a kink for pregnant ladies, eh?” You bump him with a teasing tone.
“I had no bloody idea,” he admits, his cheeks reddening, “but seriously? I was already super protective of you in this state. But seeing you like this naked? I mean fucking hell. It does something primal and very male to me. And it’s not even my damn kid,” he points out bemused.
“Next time,” you twist and pat his cheek in jest.
“Would you have a kid with me?” his tone is obscure, you can't tell if he's serious, so you plumb for honesty.
“Of course, I would,” you state plainly, “you are a wonderful man. Who wouldn’t want a kid with your gorgeous face?” you smile and trace a finger over his jaw.
“Haha,” he deadpans, rolling his eyes. “But… I may just hold you to that promise, you know,” he smirks.
“You actually want a kid with me?”
“I can’t think of anyone else I’d want a child with more,” he shrugs.
“Meh, you just haven’t met the love of your life yet,” you wave a hand dismissively. 
“I don’t believe in that shit,” he frowns.
“I always picture you ending up with a man, to be honest,” and it’s your turn to shrug.
“Really?” he tilts to look at you. “Why?”
“I dunno. Still do, really.”
“Well, that's part of the delight of being bi… even I don't know,” his laugh contemplative. He rolls you onto your side and encloses you into an embrace, cradling you as the little spoon. “For now though, I want this….” his voice gravelly again, fingers spidering the curve of your hip, lips on your neck, stirring you again even as his cum still seeps out of you. 
It only takes a few caresses for you to be so aroused and throbbing for him, the physical chemistry you have together taking you by surprise. 
“God, what the hell is going on? I’m getting hard again,” he groans, almost disbelieving, surging his cock against your bottom. “May I?”
“Please do,” you squeak as he nudges your folds.
The keening cry of his name you make as he pushes into your body has him whispering for you never to stop, right in your ear. Then he takes you without mercy from behind, just like that, laying on your side. He doesn't treat you like glass, and you are so grateful for it, knowing you want to repay him on your knees, taking him down your throat if he’ll let you. And he does later that night. The way he breathlessly stutters your name as you suck him hard and deep is the most wonderous sound.
Whatever this may become, it is the last thing either of you expected and the very thing you both needed most. What a gift.
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Benedict taglist: @makaylan @foreverlonginguniverse @iboopedyournose @colettebronte @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @margofiore @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @nikaprincessofkattegat @baebee35 @crowleysqueenofhell @bridgertontess @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @angels17324 @broooookiecrisp @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @eleanor-bradstreet
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fromepiximagines · 9 months
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Be Still My Heart (Kenny Liu x fem!reader)
Summary: Kenny is relieved to see you safe after the awful night he spent at the station with Sara.
Word count: 920
Request: Hey theeeeeere! Thank you for replying to me and good luck with uni! Soooo ofc do it whenever u can and pls take your time! But I would reaaaally love smth fluff with Kenny x fem reader anything you want! Also 3rd person it's perfectly fine I love it don't worr about anything love💗💗💗
Rating: T
Warnings: spoilers for s2e9 and 10 of From, swearing, reader wears glasses, hugs, use of (Y/N), one (1) kith.
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“This sucks.” (Y/N) mumbled.
Hidden in Victor’s old hideout, the one he so kindly showed her a few days before – ‘In case you wander too much’, he said -, she tried not to make any noises. There was no talisman inside, which meant the monsters outside could get in if they managed to unlock the tailgate.
It has been many, many hours since she got here alone, after going out to empty her head; people were dying, one after the other, more than ever before, and now they couldn’t sleep.
“Keep your eyes open, shitstain.” The woman whispered to herself, rubbing her eyes, back leaning against the metal wall. Her sight was trained on the tailgate, wondering why in the fuck she would wander off near nighttime – never again.
And then, a sliver of light passed by a tiny opening on the metal.
Too bright to be a flashlight.
(Y/N) scrambled up, face dangerously close to the cold metal, and peeked out.
“Sun, my beloved!” She shouted, and turned around. With ever raising excitement, she opened the latch and slid up the tailgate; the warm rays of sunshine hit her face with full force, and she leaped down onto the dewy grass.
The woman ran down the familiar path towards the town; by the diner, she waved at Mrs. Liu, Victor and Ethan, smiling as she saw the familiar faces.
“Morning, Jade!” (Y/N) shouted, slowing down as the curly-haired man left the bar with a frazzled look, some book in his hands.
“Where the hell have you been?!” He shouted back, brows furrowed.
“I was taking a walk, dude.” She replied, staring at him. “Where the fuck are you going, looking like my conspiracy theory uncle?”
“Oh, fuck off.”
“Don’t die!”
Jade grumbled something under his breath and left as (Y/N) headed, now walking at a decent pace, towards the Liu’s house.
The familiar sight of closed windows and an open door greeted the woman as she neared the place. She saw Sara leave the house with Boyd; nodded at them, and did her best to ignore the way her heart ached as her eyes focused on the man right behind the duo.
“Kenny.”
The ex-deputy looked up as (Y/N) whispered his name, brown eyes widening as he took in her messy appearance. Her hair was sticking up in weird angles, dark circles adorned her eyes (nothing new there, to be honest), and her glasses were kinda askew on her face.
A few seconds was all it took for the freckled man to run up to his friend and pull her into a tight hug. His arms circled her shoulders, and she sighed; he was warm. He smelled good. He was soft, comfortable-
She was sleep deprived.
“You’re alive.” Kenny said softly, nose nestled in the juncture of her neck and shoulder.
“Last I checked, yes.”
“I was worried, you dumbass.” He leaned back, staring into her eyes.
The tension between them was palpable as they locked eyes, the weight of their emotions hanging in the air. Kenny's words had hit her hard, stirring a whirlwind of worry within her. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her.
Her hands trembled slightly as she reached up to cup his cheeks, her touch gentle and filled with a mixture of affection and regret. Her thumbs traced tender circles against his skin, feeling the warmth gradually spread beneath her touch, a sign of their shared vulnerability.
With every passing moment, their faces drew closer, their breaths mingling. Their noses almost brushed against each other, creating a delicate connection that mirrored the fragile state of their hearts. It was a moment suspended in time, charged with longing and the unspoken desire for solace.
She mustered the courage to ask, her voice filled with a blend of uncertainty and hope, "I'm sorry... Can I kiss you?"
Kenny's response was barely a whisper, yet it carried the weight of his longing, "Please."
In that instant, their lips met, a gentle collision of souls seeking solace and reassurance. It was a tender, tentative kiss, born out of a shared understanding of their vulnerabilities. Their worries and fears melted away, replaced by a rush of affection and the undeniable connection between them.
Time seemed to stand still as they lost themselves in the softness of the moment. The world around them faded away, leaving only the sensation of their lips moving in sync, a dance of tenderness and forgiveness. It was a kiss that spoke volumes, expressing their unspoken apologies, their longing, and the depth of their feelings for one another.
In that single, stolen moment, they found solace and healing, their hearts intertwining in a profound embrace. And as they pulled away, breathless yet content, they knew that their bond had grown stronger, fortified by the power of their shared vulnerability and the healing a simple kiss could offer.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Boyd’s voice rang out, and the couple finally remembered there was an audience near them. “But we need Kenny right now, (Y/N).”
The woman felt her own face warm up now, and slowly let go of her friend’s face, arms hanging limply by her side.
“I’ll see you soon.” Kenny whispered, a small smile on his handsome face. “Really soon.”
“Be careful, okay?” (Y/N) whispered back, gaining a nod and a grin in response.
“Always.”
Right then and there, as she watched the trio walk off towards the forest, the woman sighed, with a lovestruck smile on her face.
“Be still, my fucking heart.”
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Permanent taglist: @tiredwritersworld
I forgot the taglist, sorry guys :')
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koizekomi · 3 months
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HENNESSY & MAYHEM ( PREVIEW )
“dude you can’t just ask someone if they’re down to take a shot of hennessy with you, that’s like asking them to die.”
— in which being friends with fraternity tau beta zeta, or the boyz they liked the call themselves, was your downfall but seeing them piss drunk and making a fool of themselves as they attempt to comfort you; you couldn’t help but be more proud of your choice of best friends.
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⛧ parings: tired uni student!you(fem) x frat boys!the boyz. hints of fratboy!jeno x you. mentions of nct, enhypen, ateez, and txt members.
⛧ word count: n/a
⛧ warnings: cursing, alcohol consumption, frat party, awful attempt at humor, mentions of sex. this fic is solely based on my own experiences at frat parties & i wanted to put the boyz in it. more will be added when finished fic comes out.
⛧ fic notes: the boyz= tau beta zeta | nct= nu chi tau | enhypen= epsilon eta alpha | txt= tau chi theta | ateez= alpha theta zeta |
⛧ author notes: new fic coming up?? i’m real excited about this one ngl, i LOVE college settings when it comes to fics. body & soul is still being worked on, maybe a multi parter so i wanted to give yall a fun one in the meantime. wanna be on the taglist? comment!
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(PREVIEW)
all you wanted to do was spend your friday evening rewatching the vampire diaries and chowing down on your new purchased bag of white corn tortilla chips along with your queso.
but no, of course not, that’s too easy
a force of nature, a hurricane if you will, was banging on your door while another natural disaster was blowing up your phone.
sunwoo and eric.
really it’s your fault for being best friends with two frat boys that know nothing other than partying and drinking.
“i know you’re in there! open the door, it’s cold out here!”
sunwoo’s voice rung loud and clear as he whined making you wonder if you close your eyes and prayed hard enough to whatever higher celestial being was out there, it would make him poof away.
sadly that doesn’t happen because eric joins in.
“dude come party with us! we’ll help you pick out an outfit!”
you let out a loud sigh before forcing yourself off your couch and to the entrance, swinging the door open, “you’re gonna get me another noise complaint.”
the two boys all but grin at you as they walk past you into your place, thankfully having the decency to slip off their shoes and line them along the wall.
you sigh once again and close the door, following after them in your own apartment, “i don’t wanna go out, i got a vampire diaries reunion planned tonight”
eric turns around and deadpans at you, “girl be serious, besides they’ll be nct members at our party tonight”
the mention of nu chi tau members have you perking up, “really?”
sunwoo snorts at your sudden enthusiasm and plops down on your couch, grabbing your bag of chips and ripping them out to pop one in his mouth, “could you be any less obvious with your little crush on jeno?”
“it’s not a crush if we’re actively seeing each other woo”
eric starts walking towards your room and into your closet, pulling out possible options for the night, “i’m helping you pick out something for tonight, gotta dress to impress,” he calls out from your bedroom.
sunwoo shuffles off the couch, leaving the bag of chips, to settle into your room and help eric. you end up tidying up the living room, knowing that you’ll be too shit faced to wanna deal with it tomorrow. as youre doing that, the two males bicker in the room about what you’re gonna wear.
“what do you feel about a mini skirt for tonight”
“jesus christ sunwoo, do you want her to freeze to death?”
“no i want my best friend to get laid”
this is gonna be a long night.
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ashwithapen · 7 months
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in honour of me getting my account restored, here—have this 'personal statement' i joke-wrote back in june. i just found it when i was cleaning up my files and i re-read it and thought "tumblr. immediately." lmao
(p.s. if anyone has any advice for writing personal statements for uni applications, my inbox/comments/rbs are open 🥲)
We were sent a PDF today about how to write a personal statement. #5: “Stay positive and interesting. Avoid dwelling on negatives or making excuses” And it makes sense, but what if I am my mistakes? 
What if I am the shattered coffee mug on the kitchen floor? And if I am the apology forlorn at the fresh end of a friendship? What if I am the hole dug by a puppy or the chair ruined by a cat? The brush of a coat against the big red button labelled: “WARNING: DO NOT TOUCH”.
And if I have been built by my faults? A lie here and there to save my own ass, and maybe sometimes for the hell of it. Maybe that is what makes me unique: the dumb, deluded prowess with which I traverse the years. The broken toes, the margin doodles penned in blue ink. The misspeaks, the miscalculations.
And then she handed out worksheets with a simple table. “Who are you?” I nearly laughed, because if neither my therapist nor my teenage memoirs know, then how should I? But I go with it for those next 20 minutes and scour my past for an inkling as to who I am. I write down what I want to pursue. What are my hobbies, my interests? My achievements? Most dauntingly, what are my skills and qualities? 
If I bang on the keyboard for hours at a time until something satisfactory comes out, does that make me a pianist? And if my fingers grow sore atop the fretboard over a melody I’ve been wrestling with all week, does that make me a guitarist? By writing this personal statement, am I an author? Or does somebody need to quote me first? And what if I quote myself? Give a line or two in italics as if it will prove me over another. Chapter 2: I am a growing person who is learning about what pride is in their own, exciting little way. Call it a day and cross my fingers with that same dumb, deluded sense of accomplishment knowing I have sent my future 4000 characters about my mistakes. 
Maybe I blame it all on autism and stain one of the most integral parts of myself in an attempt to wedge my way in just so I can sit in the lecture hall in my guilt and wonder: “How many others deserved this spot more than me?”
I blame it on the scenes I write about the girls and boys I wish I had a chance to know the taste of. Tell them—anyone passing who pauses to ask—that I am studying and close the tab with a practised flick of my wrist. Smile and nod until they leave me alone again with what I can feel growing into a mistake beneath my fingers. 
Some people have said that mistakes are the back end of mental illness. People you pass in the mall who stare a bit too long and make you uncomfortable; you should have worn something with long sleeves. People who can make you think: “Was it a mistake?” To me, no. It was not a mistake. There are days when I regret it, and there are days when I am a growing person who is learning about what pride is in their own, exciting little way. It was a challenge, and now, to make light of it, I wear my grin and call it “writing experience”. I know it is pride; I know I have overcome that challenge. 
A mistake is what you make when you don’t know. I am 17; I would be more surprised if I did know. A mistake is something conceived in a test that the teacher insists you shouldn’t be stressing over. Mistakes are the poems I send to my friend late at night on the quest for approval. Mistakes are the lyrics that never went anywhere, each with their own litany of reasons why they suck attached. A mistake is this PS; a long drawl in which I go back to my roots of defiance and let my coat brush the big red button and do exactly what I have been told not to. 
And a thousand more. Not knowing when to stop or to ask for help. The drinks at the Halloween party. The glimpses I pretend not to steal as they sit across the table from me and kiss. The bruising of the bowstring and the twisting of my wrist, to name some of this last year’s. And they are me at my simplest before the truth is warped. I am my mistakes, and I lay them out in the daylight so that you know I am human. 
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dotster001 · 1 year
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hi! i hope you doing great! <3
can I have type one obey me matchup please? (the only character a wouldn’t like to be matched with is asmo but don’t get me wrong i love him my whole heart!!! just don’t feel like it) i’m a girl, aries, enfp, my pronouns are she/her. i could be really shy sometimes due to my bad anxiety, but mostly i’m very sweet and bubbly person, i deeply care about my friends, and i’m super affectionate with people who i love. also, my love language is physical touch!!! i’m also very sensitive and emotional person, but i’m fully open with my feelings only with close people in my life. my height is 5’5, i have a petite figure, have some boob, long brown hair and green eyes, i would describe my style as a hyperfeminine, but i also love to dress cozy! i’m polyglot and i speak 6 languages, and i’m studying linguistics in uni. my other passions are makeup, cinematography and music ofc! i’m obsessed with rabbits and bunnies and all the bunny-themed items! i love cute things, such as clothes, accessories, makeup, stuffies and etc. my ideal partner is someone tall and protective, who would take care of me and be attentive to me and my feelings! and also someone who would cuddle me a lot <3
hope it’s okay! sorry for my grammar, english isn’t my first language. i hope you have a nice day <3
Event Closed
(Hope you enjoy this! You seem like a cute squishy gal, so I paired you with a cute squishy boy 🥺)
I match you with Beelzebub.
Baby, a tall and protective guy who takes care of you and your feelings? You're practically begging me to match you with Beel! This sweet himbo, who can do no wrong (he def can, but we won't talk about it) who just wants his family to always be safe by his side, he's gonna be your warm huggable guy. You'll have more issue getting him to let go than anything else.
He already kind of sees you as cute and small, but when he finds out how much you like bunnies, he can't help but see you as one. He buys you bunny plushies, and calls you his little bunny. He's weak for you!
He's lived in a house with Asmo his whole life, so if you want to practice a makeup look on him, he'll happily help! He'll sit still as stone, and will do his best not to smirk when the brush tickles his nose. Although, it might be fun to try it and see how long until he lets out that big laugh of his.
I hc the demon's know every language. It's just an ability of theirs. But the fact that you have to work on it, and you enjoy doing it, is so impressive to Beel! He wants to help you if he can, but he also just likes the idea of conversing with you in multiple languages. Careful, if you get him too excited, he'll start teaching you demonic, which won't be easy to explain at parties…but might be nice for the two of you.
He is a physically affectionate guy as well. Especially at night. He finds out, even before you are together, that cuddling with you staves off his nightmares. During the day, he's hugging you, kissing you, keeping an arm around your shoulders. At night he's clinging to you like a koala. So any affection you want to throw his way will always be welcome.
You're directing a music video, with Beel as the lead singer, and Belphie and Mams as his back up singers.
Belphie and Mams, as always, eventually started to get restless while you positioned the camera perfectly. But luckily for you…
"Guy's, she's almost done, just sit still for a couple more seconds. I'll pay both your tickets at the buffet if you behave."
"Thank you Beel, at least someone appreciates my art," you said with a giggle.
"No problem, my little bunny."
You hid behind the camera to hide your lovesick smile as Mammon gagged.
"Okay, camera is set, I just need to do a quick touch up on Beel's makeup. Nobody move!"
You proceeded to brush the tip of Beel's nose, before standing on your tip toes and kissing it. This caused Beel to blush, and Mammon to gag again, as Belphie snickered.
"You missed," Beel pouted, pointing at his sad lips.
"No, I don't think I-"
But you were swept off your feet by your strong boyfriend, who was peppering kisses all over your face in a sweet form of vengeance. If he was a puppy, his tail would be wagging like crazy
"We're never gonna finish this vid," Mammon groaned.
"The fact that you didn't know that before now just proves you're an idiot," Belphie laughed, happy to see his twin so happy.
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fellforlou · 1 year
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Last year I started reading fics again. This list will get better/longer as I continue to read more. This was updated with everything i’ve read up until 10/10/22. If you decide to read any of these make sure to read the tags. I don’t want anybody to get uncomfortable.You guys can also send in request as well if you would like :)-Emma
🖤Be Mine, For Always by zams Word Count:1K Summary: Louis is happy when Harry is happy. That's what Louis wants, and so when Louis starts feeling weird when Harry cuddles with Liam, Zayn, or Niall instead of him, he keeps quiet. But the burning, uncomfortable feeling Louis gets deep in his stomach when he sees Harry contentedly nuzzling Liam's neck, or Harry's arms and legs tangled around Niall like an octopus, or Harry's face smushed in Zayn's stomach as Zayn plays with his hair only gets worse as the days go by.
🖤All My Favorite Conversations by goldglitter075 Word Count: 2K Summary: An incredibly self indulgent fic featuring way too many pet names, an adorable lesbian couple, and Louis Tomlinson being terrible at ice-skating
🖤You Are Everything by caffineaddict Word Count: 2K Summary: Louis is in love with his best friend/flat mate Harry, lately the pain of knowing he’d never return Louis’ feelings has become unbearable. He doesn’t know how to handle this so he does what he does best - write. He had every intention of deleting the musings when he was done…that is until he gets an alarming phone call that makes him forget to close the tab or delete it. Harry was aware something was wrong with Louis for the past couple days but had no idea what it was and anytime he would ask the older boy would just brush him off and change the subject. Walking into Louis’ room to borrow his laptop, Harry leaves with way more knowledge than he was ever supposed to know.
🖤You Should Be Here With Me by dimpled_halo Word Count: 3K Summary: Louis is home for the holidays and doesn’t expect his mum to invite his ex and his family over for Christmas. All the feelings he’s had bottled up since breaking up with Harry before going to uni come back in full force.
🖤Send Me Your Pillow by flowercrownfemme Word Count: 3K Summary:  Harry is embarrassed to realize he’s nesting but can’t stop stealing Louis’ things for his nest.
🖤May Your Every Wish Come True by sweetrevenge Word Count: 4K Summary: Harry and Louis reconnect during the Holidays, it’s kind of fate.
🖤Every Time We Touch by wabadabadaba Word Count: 5K Summary: Louis laughed when he heard the term professional cuddler for the first time. His doctor let Louis laugh and then explained the purpose behind the profession and how it could help Louis. It took a few weeks but Louis finally scheduled an appointment, now all he had to do was leave his car and walk into the house. or the one where Louis is suffering from touch deprivation so he goes to see Harry who is a professional cuddler.
🖤Hello Darling by zanni_scaramouche Word Count: 5K Summary: As CEO, Mr. Tomlinson is used to spending more nights curled on his office coach than his bed, but this time it isn’t an impending merger or new client deal keeping him hibernated on the fortieth floor this Christmas Eve. A city wide blizzard warning, a power outage, and a dismal lack of tea leaves him hours away from what he expects to be one of the more pathetic Christmas mornings of his life. That is, until the new bright eyed intern scares the living crap out of him.
🖤I See Your Stars Begin To Shine by sweetkisses Word Count: 5K Summary: Harry is an alpha that is in love with his very oblivious omega friend, Louis.
🖤Naturally by Neondiamond Word Count: 5K Summary: When PE teacher Louis first gets assigned to be a chaperone on a weekend long camping trip with a bunch of high school seniors, he’s not too excited about it. That changes when he finds out his fellow Music teacher Harry, who Louis happens to have a massive crush on, is also coming
🖤And I’m Putting My Heart Out On Display by localopa Word Count: 6K Summary: Harry gets cheated on & so does Louis. They find comfort in each other.
🖤All I Do the Whole Day Through by lululawrence Word Count: 6K Summary: Louis reached up and grabbed the ridiculously thick jumper that had the planets all over it and slammed the wardrobe doors shut. It was only as he turned around that he realized why Harry’s bedroom door had been shut. There was a nest on Harry’s bed. But why was Harry using Louis’ clothes and items that probably smelled like him in his nest?
🖤Something Blue & Someone New by littleroverlouis Word Count: 6K Summary: Single Alpha Louis moves into a new apartment building and doesn’t realize he misses courting someone until meeting his next door neighbor, a charming Omega named Harry. Louis is working up the nerve to officially ask him to court, but what if Harry secretly beats him to the punch?
🖤Wasting My Time by prettylouis Word Count: 7K Summary: Harry is in love with Louis. He can’t do anything about it, until he can. Louis is in love with Harry. He doesn’t have a chance, until he does.
🖤Kisses Like Snowflakes by stylesthebrave Word Count: 7K Summary: Harry is stranded in the snow and Louis is there to help.
🖤Just A Touch Of Your Love by thegirlontheblackhoodie Word Count: 12K Summary: Harry is a touch starved omega trying to get through it on his own. Louis happens to be the only alpha around to realize it and offers to help.
🖤Love Is A War That Two Must Fight by cathyelisabeth1 Word Count: 12K Summary: The one where Louis starts getting ‘creepy’ notes on his desk and is forced to hang out with Harry Styles because Niall insists he is lovely. Louis disagrees.
🖤Love Mends the Pain by justalarryblog Word Count: 12K Summary: Marcel Twist, better known as Harry Styles, is a well-known model around the world. One day, he was invited to take part in a photoshoot for the new Olympic uniforms for the British athletes. What he didn’t expect was for Louis, his ex would reappear in his life, bringing back memories and feelings that Marcel wished he’d forgotten.
🖤Baby, You’re The End Of June by disgruntledkittenface Word Count: 13K Summary: In which Harry courts Louis. Entirely by accident.
🖤 Breathe Me In, Breathe Me Out by lunarheslwt Word Count:14K Summary: Louis is drawn into a quaint candle shop in his desire to find ways to soothe himself while struggling with touch depri. It takes him two more run-ins and with the lovely alpha sales assistant, and a drop, to figure out the source of the scent that imprints upon him and calms his omega. Idiots to lovers  
🖤Kiss From A Rose by lovelarry10 Word Count: 15K Summary:  Harry is the quiet one in the office no one ever notices. Until Louis does, that is. When notes start appearing on Harry’s desk, he ponders who is behind the kind words, oblivious to Louis’ attempts to get his attention.
🖤Don’t Be Scared Pretty Kitty by ttomlinstyles Word Count: 15K Summary:  Louis was born a hybrid and was adopted by a man who was terrible. The man dies and Louis is taken away to a foster home full of kids who bully him, he’s 16 and is very scared and doesn’t eat and never speaks out to people. He was then sent to another foster home with no children. That’s where Harry comes and takes him home.
🖤Your Touch Is The Only Thing I Feel by 2tiedships2 Word Count: 15K Summary: The one where Louis refuses to settle for just any alpha despite intense touch deprivation. Fortunately Harry isn’t just any alpha.
🖤Flowers Don’t Tell (They Show) by loulicate Word Count: 16K Summary: Harry is a lawyer, Louis owns a flower shop. Harry goes into his shop to buy his mom flowers and falls in love with the cute florist boy.
🖤Everywhere & Nowhere by 2tiedships2 Word Count: 16K Summary: Niall took a seat and said, “Apparently Louis’ downstairs neighbor is a fan of giving Louis creepy gifts. Maybe I should go introduce myself and tell him that Louis actually prefers food.” “What has he given you?” Liam asked. Louis shrugged as it were no big deal. “There was a rabbit’s foot keychain on the door a little after he left from introducing himself and there was a small teddy bear sitting by my door tonight. Obviously I can’t prove it’s from him, but they seem to have his scent. I could be wrong though.” “Wow,” Liam said, looking deep in thought. “That’s old school.” “What’s old school?“ Niall asked. “Giving creepy gifts?” "I’ve never known an alpha to do it, to be honest, but he’s courting you.” Louis couldn’t contain his look of disbelief directed at Liam. "He’s courting me. Like some sort of romantic shit they’d do in the 1800s or something?”
🖤Harry You’re No Good Alone by lucy_in_the_sky Word Count: 16K Summary: Harry struggles with insomnia and loneliness, almost turning to cuddle therapy when his best friend Louis reaches out to lend helping hand.
🖤 Last First Kiss by xxolve Word Count: 17K Summary: Where Harry goes in to take his SATs expecting a disaster, but instead meets someone he'll never forget.
🖤 Hike Up Your Skirt & Show Your World To Me by anonymous Word Count: 17K Summary: Louis has a very hands on approach to training his new secretary. How else can he make sure Harry realizes his pull potential.
🖤Outshining The Stars by thelarenttrap Word Count: 18K Summary: Louis is RV camping with his retired grandparents and avoiding life. Meanwhile, a boy with tiny yellow shorts and tattoos works at the campground’s marina.
🖤Frost Covers All by ihavetoomuchfreetime Word Count: 19K Summary:  An AU where Harry and Louis are pretend boyfriends with pretend feelings, but then it’s not pretend anymore, feelings ensue. Or a friends-to-lovers/fake relationship when harry needs a boyfriend for a family thing, and louis obliges.
🖤A Springtime’s Wilt, An Autumn’s Bloom by snowcaplou Word Count: 20K Summary:  Harry is Louis’ personal chauffeur, and although he hides his feelings for his boss behind a wall of rigid professionalism, Louis still manages to squeeze through the cracks.
🖤Pleasing Inc,. by maury_456321 Word Count: 25K Summary: Louis starts working for CEO Harry, secret nesting and thievery ensues.
🖤 Heart of Sugar, Sweet Temptation of Mine by pjinkfleur Word Count: 25K Summary: The process of courting is seriously outdated nowadays, it's not common anymore; people don’t want to go through the hassle of a proper courtship, dating is easier. Louis though, he was raised in a very traditional family, every member, down to his parents, had a courting and a mating ceremony. He grew up hearing stories about how wonderful it is, how much deeper the connection gets between a courting pair can get, and he's wanted that for himself since he was a pup, always dreaming of his alpha showing up and sweeping him off of his feet. His dreams seem to be coming true when he moves into a new building, closer to where he works, and the older alpha living in the flat in front of his own, initiates the courtship process. Everything he's ever wanted is within reach. Or is it?
🖤I’m Gonna Keep This Love, If You Let Me by pixies Word Count: 26K Summary: Louis makes Harry pretend to be his boyfriend one night out. The rest is history.
🖤Runaway Darling by solvetheminourdreams Word Count: 26K Summary: An au where Louis hates weddings, Harry loves them, and together they help a bride skip hers.
🖤I Knew You Were Waiting For Me by lovelarry10 Word Count: 26k Summary: Harry has been hearing his soulmates voice for years now, and he’s just desperate to meet the person he knows he’s meant to be with. Louis has come to think that he’s destined to never meet his soulmate. A chance camping holiday with their best friends just might end in all of their dreams coming true.
🖤Never Been A Fan Of Change by fearsparks Word Count: 27K Summary: Harry and Louis have relied on each other for over two years now, always turning to each other every time they need anything from touch to pheromones. But after Harry’s omega unexpectedly causes him to drop in the pub, their relationship is no longer the same.
🖤This Shifting Ground by zarah5 Word Count: 28K Summary: University AU. In which Louis, law student, is the cheeky waiter to Harry’s dates. This is how it starts.
🖤 Autumn Leaves Shower Like Rainbows by ioudloudlove Word Count: 29K Summary: Harry is an anonymous blogger, filling page after page about his unrequited love for a customer at the coffee shop he works in. Louis is an up and coming musician and the object of Harry's affections. They swap pleasantries but nothing more. Until one day Louis comes into the café, soaking wet and seeking solace. When Harry hears the lyrics, he realises that Louis has been reading his blog the entire time without knowing it's all about him.
🖤Don’t Know It’s Lost Til You Find It by ohpleaselarry Word Count: 30K Summary: Maybe it’ll be better this way. Maybe Louis just needs to distance himself, get over his crush so Harry doesn’t have to worry about his obsessive friend who feels too much and says too little. He wonders what this girl is like. What she looks like, what conversations they had to make Harry fall for her in three days. If maybe she’s just stellar in bed. If she smells like heaven or if it’s just the fact she’s a girl. He wonders and wonders, resists the temptation to stare at the alpha, and gets exactly no work done.
🖤Wanna Be Somebody (To Someone) by starryharry Word Count: 30K Summary: Harry tells Niall he’s seeing someone. (He’s not). The lie leads Harry to Louis, and an honest confession drives them into a one-month relationship that changes everything.
🖤 Dream About A Summer Night by fearsparks Word Count: 33K Summary: Working alongside each other as camp counsellors, Harry and Louis grow closer than they’ve ever been before. That’s not a problem, but now they have these newfound feelings for each other to deal with.
🖤Something About Liminal Spaces by kingsofeverything Word Count: 34K Summary: Searching for inspiration for his latest book, and hoping distance will help heal his broken heart, Louis Tomlinson heads to the village of Piha on the west coast of New Zealand’s north island. There he meets Harry Styles. Fifteen years older than Harry, Louis tries to keep his distance, but Harry is impossible to avoid and harder to ignore.
🖤Someone To Fly Home To by kingsofeverything Word Count: 34K Summary: Louis is a 55 year old pilot who wants someone to fly home to. Harry swipes right. Louis and Harry’s marriage ended more than a decade ago, but fate keeps bringing them back together.
🖤Now You’re In My Life by we_are_the_same Word Count: 34K Summary: Harry loves romance. In theory, anyway. He loves the romantic movies, the careful brush of fingers against the back of a neck, the hand holding and the endless gazes. He loves the possibilities, the tension and the wonder. He loves the idea of falling in love, finding someone to come home to. In reality, it’s a little different. Because as much as Harry loves the concept of dating, the reality sucks.
🖤 Something As Simple As This by frenchkiss Word Count: 34K Summary: Trapped in a cabin in the middle of nowhere after a blizzard derails Louis from getting home, he and the attractive stranger who owns the place have nothing to do but... well, each other. It would be a real shame if feelings got in the way, and even more of a shame if a secret about this stranger's identity turned both their lives upside down and inside out.  
🖤We Both Got Nothing to Hide by lovelarry10 Word Count: 43K Summary: Omega Louis has a secret nest. Alpha Harry keeps losing his clothes.
🖤Sand In My Shoes, Head Over Feet by awriterwrites Word Count: 44K Summary: The last thing Louis wants to do is babysit a bunch of kids this summer. Especially not for three weeks at his family’s summer home. No, he’d rather stay home and wallow in self-pity. He definitely doesn’t want to sleep under the same roof as his sister’s friend, who happens to be a spectacle of a boy: wide eyed, curly haired, long legged and virtual sex on legs.
🖤The Boys Of Summer by afirethatcannotdie Word Count: 45K Summary: In which Louis is a reluctant sports coach, Harry’s a fellow counselor who wears tiny yellow shorts, and camp rules say they’re forbidden to date.
🖤Your Touch Shouldn’t Make Me Feel Like This by thinlines Word Count: 48K Summary: Uni AU in which Alpha Harry has been in love with his omega friend for the longest time and one motorbike trip to the countryside with Louis made him realize that he could no longer hold back his feelings.
🖤The Recklessness In Water by larryon Word Count: 50K Summary: Louis Tomlinson is miserable. He’s stuck on a family vacation at a lake cabin in New Hampshire when all he wants to do is bemoan his sorry existence and wallow in his sweatpants. As if the humidity and mosquitos weren’t bad enough, he becomes the singular target of an obnoxious lifeguard named Harry.
🖤Maybe You’ll Like the Way I Am by lululawrence Word Count: 55K Summary: When Louis’ alpha neighbor asks him to pretend to be his omega for a week, Louis immediately says no. He has too much he’s dealing with on his own, and he swore to himself he’d never get that close to an alpha again. Unable to hold to that resolve once guilt sets in, Louis finds that maybe fumbling his way through a fake relationship for a week was exactly what he needed to finally be able to move on.
🖤Suicidal Chemistry by sullenlarry Word Count: 58K Summary: As long as he can remember, Harry has always been sure of one thing: he’s in love with his oblivious best-friend, Louis. There’s just one minor problem….Louis has depression. Harry works at a bakery, but he’s really made a full time job out of trying to save Louis from himself. What happens when a quack named Dr. Horan tells him to take Louis on a vacation? Individual feelings will be explored…but can Louis love him back or is the will to live too far gone?
🖤The Nightingale by thebluejay1 Word Count: 66K Summary: Louis Tomlinson is a daily customer at the local bakery. His life changes when he meets Harry Styles, the boy behind the register. But when Harry finds out about Louis’ abusive boyfriend, he does everything in his power to protect him. Through it all, they become closer. Will Louis choose fear over true love?
🖤Just A Flower Boy by larryruinedme Word Count: 70K Summary: Harry Styles is a clumsy, flower crown-wearing, openly gay junior with only two true friends, Niall and Zayn. Louis Tomlinson is the school’s attractive, straight football captain, with a small body and a big personality. As fate will have it, Harry has a huge, unrequited, utterly hopeless crush on Louis. Fate is thrown out the window the day that Harry and Louis find themselves partnered up for a history project. Harry starts to receive notes from a secret admirer, Louis starts to get jealous of Harry’s budding friendship with senior Nick Grimshaw, Zayn and Liam develop a thing for each other, and Niall is the best mate anyone could have asked for. And suddenly, Harry’s crush on Louis doesn’t seem so utterly hopeless anymore.
🖤Lost & Found In Oblivion by thinlines Word Count: 74K Summary: Omega Louis decided to hire an alpha for his heat to ease his touch deprivation, but little did he know everything would grow into so much more.
🖤 Hate Me To The Moon by harrystylesandstuff Word Count: 83K Summary: Harry is a sexy nerd, Louis is a great actor, and they both pretend to hate each other's guts to convince themselves they're not feeling things future step-brothers shouldn't feel.
🖤Like An Endless Summer by objectlesson Word Count: 87K Summary: Louis is a riding instructor at a summer camp, and Harry is a fellow counselor who he’s been successfully managing his crush on for the last two summers. That is, until Harry shows up this year leveled up and lethal, and all Louis’ formerly perfected veneer of nonchalance melts like a popsicle in the sun.
🖤Have Love, Will Travel by kingsofeverything Word Count: 97K Summary: Rather than spend the summer working at their desks, Louis and Harry are given the opportunity to crisscross the country together in a tiny camper, filming their adventures for a YouTube series. It soon becomes obvious to their viewers that there’s something more than friendship between them. Eventually, they figure it out.
🖤Loved You First bysnowy38 Word Count: 100K Summary: Harry has lived his life ruled by anxiety, bullied by overbearing work-mates and ridiculed for his geeky look. When a new boss starts Harry can barely look him in the eye but Louis appears to be on his side. Soon Harry develops feelings for the protective and supportive Louis but Louis tries to fight it at first. There’s rumours about Louis at his last work place and his penchant for his secretaries so Harry has a right to feel insecure. Harry slowly lets his curls break free as Louis thaws him and they embark on a new beginning together.
🖤Give Me Truths by iwillpaintasongforlou Word Count: 110K Summary: Louis is a psychology student with a tattoo count as high as his genius IQ. Harry is in a (sort-of) relationship with a homophobic man and hates himself a little more every day. Things fall apart and Louis puts him back together. Or, the one in which Louis falls in love with a fragile boy and tells him every beautiful truth in the world, as long as it makes him happy
🖤Tired Tired Sea by mediawhore Word Count: 113K Summary: As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.
🖤Mute by troubledpro Word Count: 122K Summary:  How is love supposed to speak, when one can’t even choke out the words? Louis’ life was a joke through his witty words. Harry’s life was a joke through his lack of words. Louis was classed as a normal child; mentally and physically. Harry was classed as an abnormal child; mentally and physically. Louis could speak. Harry could not. Harry had progressive mutism. Louis did not.
🖤Unbelievers by isthatyoularry Word Count: 136K Summary: It’s Louis’ senior year, and he’s dead set on doing it right. However, along with his pair of cleats, a healthy dose of sarcasm and his ridiculous best friend, he’s also got a complicated family, a terrifyingly uncertain future, and a mortal enemy making his life just that much worse. Mortal enemies “with benefits” was not exactly the plan.
Or: The one where Louis and Harry definitely aren’t friends, and football is everything.
🖤Lights Will Guide You Home by orphan_account Word Count: 137K Summary: Louis Tomlinson is his school’s resident bad boy and easily the most liked person there. He’s loud and confident and popular. He spends most of his time abusing his parent’s money or partying or playing football. He also spends a good deal of it obsessing over the quiet curly boy in his English class, but no one really needs to know that. Harry Styles is more or less invisible at the same school (unless he’s being harassed). He’s shy and painfully insecure and quiet. He spends most of his time crying on his bedroom floor with a razor pressed against his skin or trying (and failing) to think of reasons to stay alive. So, of course, it’s inevitable that they fall for each other.
🖤Walk That Mile by purpledaisy Word Count: 149K Summary: A Route 66 AU where falling in love was never part of the plan.
🖤Love Is A Word You Gave It A Name by cuckootrooke Word Count: 158K Summary: After two decades in brutal show business, Louis Tomlinson is trying to restore his tranquility of mind in the peace of Northern Europe where the sun barely sets, Maria’s bar is always open, and young Harry has an irresistible spark in his eyes.
🖤The Longer The Wait The Sweeter The Kiss by pleasinglouisWord Count: 160K Summary: It all started with a letter from his grandmother’s Executor of the Estate. His life had been just fine in New York, he’d had a great internship, more friends than he knew what to do with, and a powerful family name to provide a million opportunities for him. But the minute he’d received that letter a desire for more was born. That was how he wound up here, stranded on the side of a dusty old road with a broken down car and a carry-on full of dreams.
🖤Fading by tothemoonmydear Word Count: 202K Summary:  Louis knows about beauty; the combination of qualities that pleases the aesthetic senses. He creates that combination every day in the garments he designs while studying fashion at uni. The cut of the design, the color of the fabric, the intricacy of the stitching; it all comes together to create something beautiful. When the science student with the long legs and dimpled smile agrees to model for him, Louis decides he’s found beauty personified. Harry just thinks Louis needs someone to show him how beautiful he is.
🖤Shake Me Down by agreatperhaps12 Word Count: 208K Summary:  Harry’s new to college, fresh out of Catholic school and conversion therapy camp, and Louis runs the campus LGBTQIA organization.
🖤Of Mates & Men by bananaheathen Word Count: 630K Summary:  In which, Louis and Harry meet as best men for their best friends’ wedding… well… sort of. Or, the one where Harry’s just moved back from New York and Louis doesn’t believe in romance. Or, I guess… the one where Zayn and Liam are getting married.
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taegularities · 1 year
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Ah Rid, you don't have to worry about me truly. I've just been in my feels recently and especially tonight. I hope this little ramble doesn't just pile on bad vibes onto you when you're already feeling down because that's the last thing I want 🥺🥺🥺 But I guess it's better if I don't just let these thoughts fester in my head huh?
It's really not even anything that bad or big, but lately I've just felt quite... lonely irl. Or maybe more like craving deeper human connection? Because I do have people around me that I talk to and hang out with but it doesn't exactly feel enough. And thinking about it more it doesn't even have to be romantic (although that's where my brain went to at first) but just something closer, more intimate and personal.
All of that had me thinking back to the many friendships I've been in in the past years and how the atmosphere in a lot of them was very negative, so that's why I kept changing friend groups a lot. And then I was finally in a place where I had two very close girl friends and everything was so positive and uplifting, it was really nice. We naturally drifted apart and I'm fine with that, I just miss that closeness and positive energy, that connection and feeling of knowing each other so well.
And I was so excited to start uni because I actually love the process of initially getting to know people too, but now I just want something more 😔😔😔
I feel like that's definitely something that I should actively be building up too though so it feels like if it makes me so sad, why aren't I doing something about it yk? That's something I should probably think about more, how to make it happen. I just feel like not only do I want more love to be given to me, but also even more like I have so much love to give and nobody to give it to.
That being said I'm grateful for all of the people in my life. And feeling like this recently has made me appreciate everybody I've met online so so so much more than I already was. Everyone here, including you, Rid, makes me feel so so very happy and loved. It's just not easy when one of my main love languages is physical touch and everyone's all over the world and I can't actually hug you lmao.
I reeeeally wasn't sure if I should ramble to you because as I said, I didn't want to add onto your bad feelings, but I don’t think I can really say this to anyone else without feeling silly and I believe in the benefit of letting your feelings out. So thank you as always for listening, Rid. Please don't feel obligated to reply or anything if you don't have the emotional energy, it just feels good to put these thoughts out there.
I truly believe that we'll all be okay very very soon. I'm sending you the biggest hugs and all of the love in the world 💞💞💞
awh god, bby :((
reading this made me so sad. don't feel bad about it, it just means i care btw! i just hate that so many people have been feeling that way. i honestly get that 100% bc i too have been feeling a lot like this in the past few months.
loneliness sucks. sometimes you want to talk about something, but you don't know with whom. or sometimes, you want to go for lunch or dinner or go see a movie but can't figure out who to ask. i get it... i think there's always a point in life when loneliness strikes hardest, but i think we need to keep in mind that it's not our fault, or at least not always.
like, you said you know you could change it if you just tried, or that you need to push yourself harder. which is good. it's always great to acknowledge what can be done. but, and i always tell that myself too, it's not always easy and that's okay!! don't put yourself down. like, opening up can be fkn hard, especially after this stupid pandemic, so it's genuinely okay if it takes some time, you know? i was excited for uni as well bc i thought i could finally make new friends, but then you enter the room and just... ugh it's hard. ofc we crave intimate relationships of any kind, and yes friendships drift apart, but finding new ones just requires patience i think.
those are all things i tell myself daily. bc otherwise id spiral more lol and yes i'm so so thankful for everyone here, too. i love all my virtual moots and friends and readers and everyone, but it stinks that i can't hug anyone, so yeah ofc we'd want that irl warmth.
it'll happen !! take your time, dive into relationships step by step, doesn't have to happen overnight. there's this jk biased army girl, right? try with her if you'd like, but don't push yourself too hard. be comfortable. and also, never feel bad for venting, bc while i worry, your pain won't add to mine. like, i like to help.. so it's alright, anytime. and yeah, we'll be okay, at least at some point, you're right my love 💕
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squishmallow36 · 2 years
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Keeper of the Lost Prepositions - Forty-seven
Word count: 2.9k
Tw: biphobia
Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @gaslight-gaetkeep-gayboss @kamikothe1and0lny @nyxpixels @florida-fruity-frog @poppinspop @crystallinewalker @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @never-mourn-the-good @rusted-phone-calls @when-wax-wings-melt @cotyledon-tomentosa @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125 @cherryberrybitch
On Ao3 or below the cut!
    I shuffle to my room, collapsing face first onto my bed. 
    It’s a few minutes before Mom knocks at my half-open door, and I turn and lift my head just enough to ask, “Yeah?”
    “Am I allowed in?”
    Preposition. 
    “Sure.”
    She sits at the edge of my bed, asking, “How are you doing? Considering...?”
    I am this close to writing an essay about how nobody freaking cares until some traumatic event happens. 
    “I’m okay. You?”
    “If I’m to be honest, I’m a little shaken up. But that’s to be expected.”
    That sounds like something I’d say. Really puts things in perspective. 
    “I don’t think that’s why you’re here though.”
    The triplets smash something downstairs, and Mom doesn’t immediately go running after them, giving me more evidence to fuel my thesis. 
    Ignoring them, she says, “You would be correct.”
    Something about the way she said it made it feel like an ‘unfortunately’ would have blended perfectly into her sentence. 
    That fills me with dread, and I would deflate if I wasn’t already lying flat on my bed.
    “Your Dad and I were talking and--.” she pauses, choosing words carefully. 
    This allows my imagination to fill in the gap. 
    You got scared and now we’re going into hiding with the Black Swan?
     She says, “I spoke to Tiergan and you’re gonna have a sleepover with Tam and Linh.”
    That’s code for ‘the Neverseen freaked me out and now I’m going to distance myself from you to prevent further damage.’
    “Okay,” I mumble. 
    “It’s just for one night.”
    That reminds me an irrational fear of mine. I don’t understand why I’m afraid of going to sleepovers, but I don’t understand a lot of things.
    Maybe it’s because I didn’t have any friends until Sophie, so I never normalized it, mentally. I don’t know. 
    Having other people come to my house for a sleepover, however, is exciting.
    At least I have a perfectly valid excuse for my mood to plummet. “You know how I feel about sleepovers.”
    “I know, honey. I can see if Sophie can come.”
    That won’t help, but, “Okay.”
    The triplets smash something else, laughing maniacally. 
    Mom sighs, muttering under her breath. All I catch is ‘yeti.’
    “I should go find out what they’ve done.”
    I make a sound of agreement into the comforter, and I feel the bed shift ever so slightly as she stands up. 
    “You’d tell me if you need anything. Right?”
    “Uh-huh.”
    “You can leap over there whenever you’re ready. Love you.”
    “Love you too,” I mumble.
    I count to thirty before flipping myself over to stare at the ceiling.
    What’s wrong with me?
    That’s a can of worms. Are you really sure you want to get into that?
    I have to dismiss that question, knowing it will lead me down a rabbit hole that’ll go nowhere useful. 
    All of these secrets are tearing me apart. How many is it now?
    I’m gay, I’m dating Fitz, Fitz’s bi, Biana’s questioning but possibly bi, Keefe’s living in Fitz’s literal closet, Keefe’s got a new ability-detecting ability.
    Rex is talentless. 
    That one hurts the most by far. 
    Elwin’s mlm and dating a councillor, and the whole Tinker dilemma from the queer stuff to the Neverseen stuff.
    Anything else? Amy’s also a lesbian but, like, she just came out to her parents. But her parents don’t know Nyira yet…
    And I don’t know if anything Alvar-related is classified as a secret…
    Then there’s Glimmer. Who’s half human. With a special ability. Named Eleanor. 
    Honestly, that list in itself could be a verse of a parody of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” with a little bit of work trying to fit the syllables. 
    You should really be glad that you’re a weirdo.
    I guess. But that doesn’t make it that much less suspicious. And I hate lying. 
    Correction. You’re terrible at lying and so you gave up because getting caught scared you too much, and now you don’t have any experience whatsoever or skills to help you get away with it. 
    I know this train of thought could drive off a cliff with that but instead I’m going to gently encourage you to go start packing. You know you’ll overthink all of it.
    That’s...fair. But that doesn’t mean I like it.
    I pack for at least three days of clothes, because I don’t know what might happen so it’s better to be over prepared than under prepared. 
   I bring both the first and second books of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series because what if I finish the first one? They’re reasonably short, so even though I’m on chapter four, I could potentially finish it. 
    Like I’m actually going to have time to read. 
    I’m fully aware that I’m going to spend as much time as possible indoors on my Imparter. 
    After I prepare myself mentally, I text Linh to let her know that I’m going to be leaping over there within the next five minutes assuming the triplets don’t obstruct my path.
    She replies with an ASCII smiley face. 
    When I leap over there, she’s standing at the top of an unimaginably long staircase, and asks, “Did you see my little smiley face?”
    I stop, because she’s already deviated from my mental script I crafted while packing, before remembering it. 
    “Yeah. How’d you learn how to do it?”
    She shrugs happily. “Glimmer. But it should be common knowledge.”
    “That it should. The classic and all of the keyboard smiley faces.”
    “There’s more?”
    I pull out my Imparter and open up a blank Google Doc, beginning to list them as we descend the stairs. 
    Halfway down, not used to this much physical activity, I ask, breathlessly, “Are these stairs going to Exile? Because if I haven’t walked through the center of the Earth, someone should really recheck their math.”
    She laughs softly, not even mildly fatigued. 
    Thankfully, she distracts me by detailing all of the things that have happened since we last spoke at length.
    We aren’t the closest of friends, but she seems kinda desperate to talk to someone else, but I get to know all of the tricks she’s played on Tam, and I copy them into a Google Doc for later use against the triplets.
    When it’s my turn to infodump, I have to tiptoe around my recently accumulated abundance of secrets.
    We finally get to the bottom, and I swear, if there were any more steps, I would have seriously considered rolling myself down. 
    Linh graciously gives me thirty seconds to catch my breath before knocking on the door, saying, “Have fun, Tammy!” before running off to who knows where.
    I manage one of my legendary awkward waves, saying, “Hey.”
    Tam greets me with a nod, before gesturing to me to follow him. 
    His room is significantly less Tam than I’d have expected, considering that I don’t believe that he owns any clothes that aren’t black. 
    Yet, his room’s yellow, of all colours. He doesn’t have much stuff in here, either, except for a cat statue in a corner, but the lack of things makes sense. 
    I doubt Exilium is the kind of place that’d let him get a ton of material possessions, and he doesn’t seem like he’d want any of his belongings from Choralmere. 
   I sit on the edge of his bed, and we don’t exchange any words for the next hour because I don’t see the need for any conversation. I’m playing on my Imparter, and he’s losing his mind reading something, when Tiergan yells that someone’s at the door. 
    “It’s probably Sophie,” I say, as he sighs, annoyed, before standing up to open the front door. 
   Inspiration strikes at the strangest times, and I start sketching some designs, giving myself a papercut as I pull my notebooks out of my bag so that I don’t have to get up to open or close the door.
    One step closer to the Wall-E hover chairs. 
    It should also work for Tam’s room. Considering that I’m eyeballing the dimensions on his door instead of mine. 
    I get so focused that when I notice Sophie watching over my notebook, I scare myself. 
   “What? You didn’t sense a disturbance in the force?”
    “Clearly, I did not.”
    “Whatcha doin’?”
    “I don’t want to stand up to open the door anymore so I’m going to fix it.”
    “Have fun with that.” 
    She completely understands my thought pattern. Or rather, my tendency toward Technopath brain. That’s best friend material right there. 
    “Linh’s outside if you wanna go talk,” Tam says, leaning against his doorway. 
    Sophie looks at me, a silent question asking if I want to come with her, and I shake my head.
    “You know I’m going to be thinking about this the entire time if I do.” I wave around my notebook for emphasis. “Plus, it’s outside, and I try to avoid that whenever possible.”
    Another hour passes, and I’ve hit a mental wall, so I rummage around my backpack, trying to find my headphones.
    I swear, sitting on the floor.
    “Hm?” Tam asks. 
    “Forgot my earbuds.”
    “Hm.”
    I try to keep working, but end up giving up and going back to playing on my Imparter. 
    “Why do you need them?” Tam asks. 
    I shrug. “Music helps me think.”
    “And you need the thingies you forgot?”
    “I mean, I could play it out loud but I don’t--.”
    “Do you realize how often the Beatles are played here?” he interrupts. “Play whatever you want. Just not the Beatles, I beg you.”
    “...Okay. This is my current favourite, but let me know if it’s too loud.”
    I start playing the album at the quietest setting that I can still hear. 
    Tam takes it immediately and cranks it up because apparently it wasn’t loud enough. 
    At the end of the first song, Tam remarks, “That song absolutely slapped.”
    “See, not all human music is bad.”
    “This is human? I could’ve sworn that this was dwarven.”
    “Yeah. If you could pick out the words, they’re in English. It’s a human language.”
    “There were some new dwarven bands that sounded just like this back when we lived down there.”
    “This album is actually fourteen years old this year, so it’s not exactly new on the human scale.”
    With that, I go back to mouthing all of the lyrics, which I somehow know. I don’t know why I tried so hard to learn them in the first place, because in the end it doesn’t even matter. 
    They’ll get forgotten soon enough. 
    Sophie happens to walk in during the most difficult song to memorize due to the sheer number of words rapped during the verses. 
    Tam barely contains a screech, and I understand. I know how it feels when Bex walks into my room without asking. 
    “Is that...Linkin Park?” Sophie asks, puzzled. 
    “Yeah, why?” I reply.
    “I did not expect that. What’s your favourite?”
    “You dare make me choose? It’s ‘Hit the Floor.’ I don’t know why. But I’ve only listened to Hybrid Theory and Meteora though. They just dropped another album like two months ago, so that’s on my list, but at the same time I’m happy with what I know.”
   “I’d have guessed you were more of a ‘Numb’ fan.”
   “Why? I mean, I don’t hate it, but it’s not in the top ten. Usually, the amount that I like the song is proportional to how metal it is.” I shrug.
    “You learn new things every day. Anyway, Linh’s sent me to tell you that dinner’s ready.”
    Tam gets up without a word, and walks into the dining room. 
    “Have you ever listened to Skillet?” I ask Sophie, standing up myself. 
    “Never heard of them.”
    “They have the vibe that I like, so I’ll send them to you. But I’m not a total psychopath. I also have an extensive library of film scores and Disney songs to which I listen.”
    “And that syntax is supposed to convince me?”
    “That syntax is me trying to do my best to avoid ending a sentence in a preposition, so don’t argue with me. I’m weird. You know this.”
    “I still cannot believe you listen to Linkin Park.”
    “It’s all your fault. Your iPod playlists did this to me.”
    “I didn’t program your cyborg brain, but keep telling yourself that.”
    I smile as we sit down, and I notice that somehow Marella, Biana, and Fitz were dragged over here. 
   And obviously Tiergan, Wylie, and Glimmer are here, considering they live here, although I am surprised that they didn’t stick all of us at a kids table.
    Clearly they haven’t eaten with all of us in a room together. If it doesn’t turn into a food fight because of Keefe and Tam’s hair feud, then it’ll be a success.
    Maybe the fact that Keefe’s in Fitz’s closet will prevent this.
    A few minutes after we’ve all settled into our seats, Linh says, “I’d like to make an announcement, if you don’t mind, while we’re all here. I don’t really know when we’ll all be together like this anytime soon.”
    Marella starts coughing, and she mutters something under her breath about witnesses.
    “That too,” Linh allows, shrugging.
    She takes a breath before saying, “Marella and I are dating.”
    My first instinct is to make panicked eye contact with Fitz, and, after a second, I pray to the stars that everyone is more concerned with Tam. 
    “Excuse me, what?” he asks, almost yelling the last syllable. 
    Ignoring him, Biana asks, “So how long’s it been?”
    “Three?” Linh looks at Marella, fact checking. “Three and a half months?”
    Tam looks close to a total breakdown. “Three and a half months and you didn’t fyrian tell me?”
    “This is exactly why you don’t get to know things,” Linh mutters, only angering him further.
    “Marella, we are going to be having a very long talk about my sister.” 
    “That sounds fun. I can talk about her for hours. Can you?” Marella replies.
    Tam doesn’t dignify it with a response, and Biana continues her interrogation. 
    I’m consulted for terminology almost constantly, because most queer terms are completely alien to elves. 
    For example, I have to explain what the word ‘lesbian’ means, and then Marella’s totally like, “oh yeah. That’s me.”
    Linh, however, isn’t totally sure she isn’t m-spec, but she’s definitely wlw. She has a girlfriend, after all. 
    I had to define both m-spec and wlw.
    But this is where controversy starts to rear its ugly head. 
    “Am I supposed to believe that people can be into both genders?” Glimmer asks. 
    I start to shake in anger, spots dancing in front of my vision. 
    I make eye contact with Fitz, and it’s apparent how much that one comment has absolutely destroyed ninety percent of his acceptance of himself. 
    “You’ve heard of Queen, the band, right?” I ask, trying desperately to keep my voice down. 
    “Yeah, who hasn’t?” she replies, saturated with attitude.
    “Freddie Mercury was bi. And nobody seems to know this fact.”
    “That’s a load of bullcrap.”
    I pull up the Wikipedia article, and tell her to read for herself. 
    “So what?”
    “I also saw a statistic that more than half of queer adults in the United States identify as bi, although there was another statistic that only like twenty-three percent of bi people are out to their close friends.”
    “So half of the queers can’t make up their mind and they know it. That’s hilarious.”
    “I’m willing to bet their decision to not come out is because they’re afraid of their friends reacting the way you are.”
    She snorts. “Like I’m the one with the crazy reaction.”
    “No one else seems to have a problem.”
    “That’s because they’re too afraid of hurting anyone’s feelings.”
    Finally, that triggers a reaction.
    Glimmer just smirks.
    “You all didn’t even give a crap until I called you out. Pathetic.”
    She stomps away, leaving silence in her wake. 
    Fitz dares to break it. “So...while we’re on the subject, Keefe’s pan.”
    “And what does that mean? If you don’t mind me asking,” Wylie asks. 
    Fitz looks at me for help.
    I explain, “The official definition is attraction to all genders, and what that means is its own rabbit hole in itself. But I personally prefer the Keefe definition, while less technically correct, of ‘Girls are hot, guys are hot. Fight me.’”
    “Is that not true, though?” Biana asks.
    Marella counters, “Biana, do you have something you want to tell us?”
    She blushes. “I’m just saying.”
    Fitz comes to her rescue, saying, “Anyway. Keefe would want everyone to know.”
    “Does that include Lord Cassius?” Linh asks.  
    “Yeah,” I answer. “He’s basically disowned Keefe until he, quote, ‘Comes to his senses.’ It’s as bad as it sounds. I was there. Accidentally outed myself in the process.”
    “Again, Dex, you might want to think about that sentence you just said,” Marella says.
    “Hey. Other people are coming out and Biana already knows. So, yeah. I’m gay too.”
    I’m just a little bit too far into a state of panic to completely register everyone’s reaction, but I don’t have to get into another argument. 
    Although, Biana is determined to get details out of me. Like she doesn’t already know too much.
    And she’s already making plans to talk about boys with Sophie and I. Because this is a sleepover. And I’m pretty sure I don’t have a choice in the matter.
    At least there’s an unfair number of hot Disney princes to help me lie about anything that even remotely relates to Fitz. 
    There’s no way in Exile I’m going to be the reason he’s outed. I couldn’t live with myself if that happened. 
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hi! i hope you doing great! <3
can I have romantic male maradeurs era matchup please? i’m a girl, aries, enfp, griffyndor, my pronouns are she/her. i could be really shy sometimes due to my bad anxiety, but mostly i’m very sweet and bubbly person, i deeply care about my friends, and i’m super affectionate with people who i love. also, my love language is physical touch!!! i’m also very sensitive and emotional person, but i’m fully open with my feelings only with close people in my life. my height is 5’5, i have a petite figure, have some boob, long brown hair and green eyes, i would describe my style as a hyperfeminine, but i also love to dress cozy! i’m polyglot and i speak 6 languages, and i’m studying linguistics in uni. my other passions are makeup, cinematography and music ofc! i’m obsessed with rabbits and bunnies and all the bunny-themed items! i love cute things, such as clothes, accessories, makeup, stuffies and etc. my ideal partner is someone tall and protective, who would take care of me and be attentive to me and my feelings! and also someone who would cuddle me a lot <3
hope it’s okay! sorry for my grammar, english isn’t my first language. i hope you have a nice day <3
hi! thank you for participating :)
and don’t worry about your english, it’s really good.
i ship you with remus!
i think he’d find you very endearing. his friends have such different personalities, so he knows how to be around someone loud and excited, but he also knows how to be around someone more reserved and quiet. you seem like the type of person that’s really shy until you get to know someone, and then you open up and are a lot more comfortable. i think remus is the same, so he’d understand what its like for you when you try getting close to someone. he probably went through the same thing before he got close with everyone else.
as cliche as it is, i think remus would love having a short girlfriend. i wouldn’t consider you short, but he’s very tall, and something about you being a considerable few inches shorter than him would make him smile. especially since you like to dress cozy, and he’s got a ton of sweaters he’d pretend he didn’t notice you stealing. they’d be big on you, but you’d pretend they fit correctly so you could keep stealing them. sirius would tease you for sharing clothes, even though he’d be jealous that he wasn’t the only one who could borrow a sweater when it got cold out.
i think he’d find it so cool that you speak so many languages. he’d love listening to you speak them, and would ask how to say certain things in them. he’d also have to keep the boys from asking you how to say swear words and insults so they could use them and not get caught. he’d also like your hobbies. he’d let you drag him around places so you could take photos and film, and he’d sit with you as you showed him all the cool shots you took. and you could sit together for hours listening to music, going back and forth showing each other the new records you got or heard about. i think quality time is one of his main love languages, and he’d love spending time with you no matter what you were doing together.
i wouldn’t consider remus a very physically affectionate guy. he probably doesn’t like being touched that much by any of his friends. but for some reason, he’d love the soft touches with you. he’s not a very PDA forward kind of guy, so he’d really value the moments alone with you where he could comfortably be affectionate with you. he’d even surprise himself how much he enjoyed the little touches, whether it be holding your hand or draping an arm over your waist when you’re laying down together. and he’d know how much you enjoy it, so he’d make the effort to be more physical.
maybe one day after class, remus wouldn’t be in the mood to be around the rest of the group. he’d know you were upstairs or somewhere quiet, having a moment to yourself too. he’d know exactly where to find you, immediately easing at the sight of you.
he’d sit down quietly, resting his head on your shoulder. you’d stop what you were doing, turning around to face him, gently pushing his hair back and out of his face.
“you alright, love?”
he’d softly smile, nodding. “just tired. long day.”
“do you want to go down to the common room? i think everyone is down there.”
he’d ponder it a moment, before shaking his head no.
you’d grin at his reaction, agreeing. “good. me, neither.”
he’d let out a chuckle, feeling all the stress of the day drifting away as he sat with you, asking you about your day.
hope you liked it!
thank you again for supporting my page, and thank you for participating :)
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dumbbitchfrommars · 4 months
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Okay I had to just post that because the train of thought had completely gone
So
I want to journal but I can’t write right now. I cant do much. I’m exhausted by simply everything. I think I’m nearing a burnout…
The guys from uni have invited me out to town on top of the ball that I opted for because another uni friend invited me. Socialising like this is what I wanted, no? Then why do I feel completely exhausted by the thought of it all?
I know it will be so fun and I’m looking forward to it. But I’m a little worried that I’m more excited tk drink than tk spend time with eveyone. And I’m also more apprehensive about going because I know that I will be drinking a lot. Which means another week of recovery. Why do I keep putting myself through this hell? For the sake of fun? Why can’t I have fun without drinking? It’s too hard to go out and be the sober friend. But the lengths I’ve been going to just so I can drink and save my money/time/energy is actually lowkey defeating the purpose. I’m so exhausted. But I did successfully plan my outfit and my day ahead so everything can go smoothly with no stress. Stress now to avoid stress later. My life’s work.
Anyway. I guess I wanted to invite my work bestie along because I’m paranoid about going with the uni gang. Two of them are lowkey mean and one is the sweetest girl but obviously not much of a town goer. And the other has a boyfriend. And overall I’m not close with any of them so I have no fall back in case they flake or I need to dip cause the vibes are bad. Basically I have no failsafe.
But my heart is open! I am protected! God wants the best for me. There were very small inconveniences today because I didn’t hear my intuition. But I guess I’m just a little scared that they will turn from small to bigger and more painful in inconveniences for me.
I don’t know why I had this thought but… the amount of panic and effort and energy I went to not only to get a little gift for my friend but also to rush over when I was running late for her thesis talk.. well, I don’t know why but I don’t think she would have done the same for me. But I love her anyway and I understand her and I’m willing to compromise for her because I know she does care and appreciates me.
But the others… I guess I’m wary. To learn that they’re all private school kids. Tbh I love them all it’s just Tess and Noah. Something is slightly off there. Like why is there so much anger and hate in your heart? What is missing? That you have to take it all out on innocent people… her story today was such a red flag. And her being close minded about me wanting to buy sage and incense.
But as I said before. I am loved. And I am appreciated. And if I feel like I am not receiving the love and respect that I know I am worthy of and deserve, I can easily step away and give my time and attention to someone else who will meet that need. !!!!!!!!! I AM SO GROWN FOR THAT!!! wow. I really slayed the game. I really do be slaying the game lately. I can’t wait for tomorrow, actually. I just needed to recenter my perspective.
I’m very tired and have a headache and feel a bit overwhelmed. But I have a great day and an even better week ahead of me. I will submit my request for an extension and ease some of the pressure about doing my report. I’m gonna drive to melb with my bestie and see one of my fave singers. And I’ve attracted so many new and wonderful connections and friendships into my life that I am just surrounded by love and beautiful and joy and happiness. Slayed.
My little catchphrase lately is slay. Idc if it’s annoying.
Now to contemplate watching the Taurus’s story… not the Pisces moon one. He’s been BLOCKED. tyvm. Literally felt my heart open up to new opportunities the second it happened. But the other Taurus. The pretty boy. Libra moon. Anyway. I’m gonna look but I’m gonna try stay detached. I’m simply curious, okay god!! Let me have my moments. We’re friends. We’re vaguely connected now, and everytime I think of him I remember him hitting it from behind. It wasn’t even good. Just the feeling of his body weight pressing mine down. And my ass squishing up against him. Like okay she slayed. I swear it’s like I woke up one day and decided I have the fattest fucking ass. I love being a confident baddie. I really do have a fatty tho. It’s like uncomfortably large. I be catching looks left right and centre.
That’s another thing!! All of the sudden… I catch everyone’s attention. Is it because I try so hard to not give anyone my attention? I have anxiety! I don’t want to make eye contact. Also I genuinely think there is some kind of magic or energetic exchange that occurs when I make eye contact with someone. It’s a bit scary. So I’d rather stay in my own world. But I think it does attract a lot of attention. Combined with me having really good and unique style and dark skin and tats and also being such a pretty girl. Anyway. Enough being egotistical. It’s just interesting.
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soul-artist · 1 year
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My ex besties fam cut ties with my parents and I’m jealous that I can’t do the same. My ex best friends family got close with my family. Eventually, they meshed with our family friends too. Her parents were generous, kind, snarky and very very giving. If there’s one thing you can ever accuse them off, it’ll be vanity. On the other hand, my parents couldn’t be described. They are nightmare in a single package? My dad would brag about giving us “everything we’ve ever touched” so loud as if we didn’t stop “touching and picking” things for the taunts of “I have bought you this”, “that’s so expensive”, “I bought you this, so you better do this for me” that’d eventually come. Emotionally that’s are a solid (minus)-1000000. Couldn’t ever rely on them for anything, we’ve never been shown compassion in this household. They’d VIEW themselves so morally superior to everybody while doing below bare minimum everyday is fucking hilarious. The bestie’s mom would try to connect with her, lash out from lack of understanding like other brown parents, but her redeeming quality was she’d put an effort to understand her daughter AND bring her the help she(daughter) needed. Doing all that, she’d also spoil her daughter with things that her daughter would take interest in, from books to clothes and jewelries, baby her daughter, stand up for her in social settings and cut people off who’d disrespect them (my own sperm donor being one of them). My mom would 24/7 engage in backbiting and gossiping with other people and cry about what other people said about HER to us, like, woman as if you haven’t been doing the same thing about others regarding things that doesn’t even concern you. My sperm donor considers himself as very religiously wise, but partakes in worse habits than my mom. He has arrogance for days with zero actions to match with it- the ultimate hypocrite. Now both of these very damaged, very unwilling-to-heal individuals would have toxic fights all the time since before was born probably that my core childhood memory is just traumas. I still can’t imagine what complete “safe and serene” feels like and its been two decades since I have been here in the world. I would have anxiety from the disrespect and the level of lows one could go to that they have blatantly shown me over the years, I cannot form a single meaningful, friendship with anyone else without fearing that that hates me secretly. I can’t trust anyone’s love, can’t trust anyone’s genuinely good person at heart because I didn’t see it much without any hidden evil intention behind it before my own eyes. One of my friends dad has made her emotionally so strong, after his passing she’s managed to pick herself up AND support her brother who’s a decade older than her while also doing uni full time. One of my other friends mom would pray for her before every single one of her tests, be it be a major one or a minor, before she lefts the house. Many others have a Friday tradition of cooking special dishes. I know that have their downs too, but that have this specific, consistent act of a single good thing that they know they’ll get from their parents. They have that surety of good, that me and my siblings don’t have. Because despite how many times my parents says they are holo in his the world by owing the bills and managing the house, the other parents are doing those too. It’s the fact that what are you doing for our “happiness” rather than keeping us alive.
Hav I mentioned my sperm donor is allergic to happiness? Anytime we’d laugh a bit loud or be excited about something he’d put us down for it, mock it and generally invalidate us by stressing how unimportant, mundane and unnecessary the thing was. He never celebrated our wins( because it was never “good enough”), but made sure to always lament us for our losses. A real sunshine to be around tbh. He’s the foundation that you want to leave as soon as you can, than the one you’d build your home around.
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haeyeongs · 1 year
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hi there, your secret santa here... im so sorry i'm just now messaging you for the first time... life has been a bit wild these days.
i hope you're doing well and excited for the upcoming holidays!
i know you're all about the ladies so i'm curious what some of your favorite female friends or female-driven dramas are?
~ your kdrama secret santa
hi love!! omg don't be sorry about not messaging me earlier, it's ok!!
and yess i'm really excited for the upcoming holidays! i've also almost finished my school semester so i have a few weeks off uni ♡ (there are still a few finals coming in january but they won't need too much studying so i can relax for now). i really hope you're doing well too! i know december can be tough for a lot of people so i'm sending you lots of love
ooh female driven dramas and female friendships...
the first drama that comes to my mind is work later, drink now because its second season is currently airing! this is a fun and silly show that isn’t perfect but the friendship they share is nicely written and they they’d do anything for each other.  yesterday i watched an interview with the writer and she explained that the trio was strongly inspired by her own friend group..... and that makes sense!! you can feel that the characters were written with love and tenderness
then, there’s of course age of youth and be melodramatic! i feel like age of youth became a classic and i believe it deserves all the love! be melodramatic is like its older version with 30-ish leads instead of uni students. i rarely laugh when watching shows but both got me laughing out loud. actually, some eps even made me scream of laughter! 
i can’t talk about female friendships without mentioning na heedo and go yurim from twenty-five, twenty-one... i know a lot of people hated the drama because of the main couple’s ending but to me the real duo of the drama was the two girls and their relationship was so beautifully written... honestly, every drama i’ve seen with bona as a lead actress had awesome female friendships! i can feel she’s all for the girlies?? i’ve already mentioned twenty-five twenty one but she was also in girls’ generation 1979* (an underrated gem, i wish more people would watch it!!!) and in your house helper (i’d rec this one for people who liked be melodramatic, although it’s less funny). she’s an idol actress so you’d expect her to play forgettable characters but she manages to always pick very interesting roles so i’m closely following her carreer as an actress! ♡
omg i didn’t mean to talk so much........ fzeklfjzfgé do you agree with those faves? if you also like female-driven dramas and great female friendships in dramas, i’d love to hear about your own favorites! (i mostly watch kdramas but if you have any recs from other countries i’d be glad to hear about them!)
*i need to say that one of the lead actors is lee jong hyun (ex-member of cn blue) and that he was part of the burning sun scandal. it’s one of my favorite drama and even if the main roles are the two girls, he’s still part of the lead cast. i don’t want to promote this drama without mentioning this
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