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jamneuromain · 1 year

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Wishful Thinking Chpt. 3

Andy Barber x You (Reader), no use of Y/N

Alternate Universe - College AU

Summary: A new semester. A new task. A new boyfriend, your previous professor, Andy Barber. Everything seems to be going on the right track. So why didn't it?

Warning: detailed description of (performed) oral sex, inappropriate teacher-student relationship, power imbalance, age difference, explicit language, TW: BDSM/safe wording, angst

A/N: This fic has some disturbing themes, and discusses potentially upsetting topics. Please read through the warning before engaging with the fic. As I have said, the fic has mentioned a number of (potentially) triggering and heavy topics, you don't have to engage further if you feel uncomfortable about one or more topics.

Wishful Thinking M. List Dancing in the Daydream M. list

Andy: Morning, sweetheart. How are you feeling today?

You’ve been staring at the message on your phone for precisely seventeen minutes now. Andy gets up a bit earlier than you did. As usual. He sends the message when he’s not there when you wake up. As usual. And you’ve been hesitant to reply. Which is not usual.

You roll over on your bed, exiting and re-entering the text message page. You should text him. You know you should. Yet, you drop your phone on your stomach and cover your eyes with your hands.

You wish you rather go back to sleep.

You safe-word last night, and you’ve been… odd.

You came back home as if you have lost half of your soul and don’t even remember how you went to bed. Your mind was, and still is, playing the scene over and over again. How he didn’t make eye contact when he forced you to deepthroat him. How your stomach and your throat protested. How you wanted him a second ago and abominated him the next.

And you are also certain that you ruined his floor. Either that or his carpet. Or both.

Your fingers clench and unclench on your soft beddings, as if it would bring you some comfort. You want Andy, you know for sure, but how can you ever face him when you safeword during sex? And his words last night, “fucktoy”? Does he want you? Does he want you in a sexual way or a spiritual way? More importantly, does he love you? How can he love you if you are so different (at least from the age perspective) and you barely know each other apart from two months of dating? How can anyone fall in love after a dozen dates?

Your eyes are dry. A bit swollen too. Thanks to all the tears you poured onto your pillow, for reasons of God knows what – you kept crying, you felt bad, and the worst part is that you couldn’t pinpoint the feeling, you didn’t know why you were feeling bad.

Your stomach gurls in another protest. Quite a lot protests coming from your body recently, you can’t help but being sarcastic. But you manage to get up from your cozy bed and decide to make yourself some breakfast, secretly hoping breakfast can take your mind off him. Andy. Last night. Whatever.

The TV is playing another episode of Alicia, the leading character of The Good Wife, crying and breaking up with her lover, also her boss – again, you think. Somehow, you are gloating because Alicia has to see Will again at work while you could avoid Andy because you don’t have any of his classes, however, you are also frustrated because Will clearly loves her, and they deserve to be together, not like… Jesus fucking Christ, does Andrew Fucking Barber ever take a break from occupying your head!

Marta is taking up one of the stoves, frying bacon and eggs while sparing a glance at the TV every now and then.

“Hi!” She greets you cheerfully.

“Hi.” You greet back, clearly not in a chatty mood, not that you ever were.

The sizzling of the frying pan and the humming of the kitchen ventilator have you focused on your plate. Your empty plate, which needs to be filled. ASAP. Before you start thinking about the-man-who-must-not-be-named again.

Marta is focusing more on the plot playing rather than cooking. When the character Alicia went out of the room, crying, she can’t help but “awww” in frustration, and stomps her feet on the carpet, “nononono you both idiots! Why don’t you just talk!”

Yeah, talk. As if that’s an easy job.

You are reminded of Andy again. You are pretty sure you need to talk this through or this would be the last action that buries your relationship.

But do you? Want to talk?

Or you want to bury your head under your duvet and just ignore all that had happened?

“Maybe it’s better off this way.” You comment, while making yourself a sandwich, “I don’t think he - Will - wants to settle down.”

Marta shakes her head as fast as she could, “but he loves her!” She exclaims, making a face when Alicia is trying to act normal in front of her family, “the least they could do is to start an affair to get back at her cheating husband!”

“So it’s about payback?”

“It’s about Alicia being stupid!” She slides the fried bacon into her own plate, wiping her hand with kitchen cloth, clearly disagreeing with you, “she loves him, and they deserve being together!”

You munch on an apple, “she has her family… she’s still married.”

“Yeah, married to a cheating husband.” She snorts, chewing the bacon like it’s a crispy chip, “fuck her family. Her kids are ungrateful little brats. Her mother-in-law is awful. And the only kind guy is her brother, who supports her being with the love of her life!”

You grow silent for a small while.

Guilt and regret claw their way back into your body, tugging your heart along with the pain you feel down your throat.

At this point, you can’t tell the difference between your biological pain and your psychological ones any more.

You lost the appetite that’s barely there. The slight interest you had in your apple. Poof. Gone. Even if it’s a small one.

You are a bit annoyed because Marta thinks cheating is “right”, in soaps at least, and you believe the opposite. You are also embarrassed, because deep down, you think what she said has a tiny bit of correctness. Panic, too. Because you think you approve of what she said.

Plus the fact your throat is not getting any better.

Andy: Talk to me, sweetheart. Please. Call me when you feel better.

The ding in your phone nearly has you throwing it half way across the room.

That certainly didn’t help.

You are getting more annoyed by the minute. Clicking your phone back to lock mode, you put it screen down on the kitchen counter without much patience.

Call him. A tempting choice.

A daunting choice.

If only you have the courage to face him. To accuse him of what he did. To address the harm he inflicted on you. To be as brave as the characters in the stories, to face him.

…to be honest, you’d rather pour yourself into writing. Writing stories and fantasies. Writing those perfect men that only exists under your pen and keystrokes.

Maybe that’s the better option. Write of a story you will never post. About some man who loves being a dom in the relationship.

A voice inside your head reminds you. This method is also known as procrastination.

Your phone is on your bed when you are pouring your heart out into a new story. You have Bluetooth headsets playing loud music, aiding you in writing a dramatic scene. You are sitting by your desk, working on your iPad, when the beating drums in your headset turn into a ringtone for phone calls.

Must be the delivery guys. They could never find the correct entrance to your apartment building.

You press the “call” button on your headset, still typing frantically on your screen, “hello?”

No sound. No voice. No nothing.

In just a millisecond, you can tell something is wrong. It doesn’t feel like someone butt-dialed or called the wrong number. And scams would often be more eager to speak than you.

“Hello?” You begin to wonder if you pressed the “pause” button for your music instead of the “call” button. Lifting your headset a little, you can see the blue light is on – which means your phone should still be connected to your headset, which rules out another possibility. You clench your teeth in annoyance, stretching your arm to its utmost limit to reach your phone, “is anyone ther-”

Andy 00:15

And the call is still on.

Andy.

As if someone just pulled out a big vacuum machine and sucked your entire courage and your voice into a tiny box that is locked in outer space.

“Hey, sweetheart.” He sounds hoarse, unlike him.

Do you miss his voice? Hell yeah.

Do you want to talk? Hell no.

But you press your headset tighter to your ears, as if you can hear him more clearly this way.

“Sweetheart, I know you don’t want to talk. Please, just … listen.” He croaks at the last word, and some more silence, probably to cover the fact that he, like you, is also on the verge of tears.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry that I didn’t notice your call for help. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you through. I know you hate me right now. I’m so sorry for that. I never meant for this to happen. I …” his hesitant voice becomes determined, “I love you, and I-I know it doesn’t mean anything but-”

You hold your breath, waiting for the next sentence that’s about to put an end to your relationship.

This is it. This is the end of your pathetic relationship and your futile attempt at giving a shot with your professor.

But this marks the period of your fun, your hate, everything that’s ever happened between you two.

Gone.

“- you didn’t do anything wrong when you safe word. If you want to put a stop to all of this, I, I…”

His phone vibrates as another call hits his number.

Some papers shuffling in the background, Andy looking for the draft he wrote before making this phone call, clearing his throat, “I… I just want another chance, if that’s okay with you. We’ll start it all over, like the way Ari got back with Ana in Love and War.”

Cheesy. And corny. And not Andy-like at all.

You’d never dream of him quoting from your stories as a make-up line. Not to mention that was your random one-shot story months ago.

You chew on your lower lip, a small chuckle leaving your lips even though tears are still swelling in your eyes.

Andy lets out a breath of relief. Hearing your chuckle has the big stone sets in his stomach, finally not worrying over you still being totally and utterly upset with him.

Though you are still upset, that he needs working on.

“Talk to me, please, sweetheart?”

The begging tone. He’s killing you with it. You couldn’t resist his soft voice, the pleading, and the hint of hope lacing behind his words.

“I dunno, Andy.” You gather all the courage you have left, sitting back on your chair, shifting your weight to one side of your body just as if you are leaning on his shoulder, murmuring to the speaker, “it feels weird, and difficult. And I don’t feel like myself. After I safe word. It’s just …” You feel vulnerable for saying it out loud. You wanted Andy, but not his presence, and the conflict is eating you up like a horrid monster.

Or you are the horrid monster for wanting a man, a man you have known for a mere couple of months, to dominate you. To control you. To break your neck just to place it together again.

You want him to own you. And yet a part of you screams for independence.

You were reckless when you dared to surrender your submission. Now you regret it. You are scared.

You don’t know whether you want this more. Or worse, if you want this less.

Being a sub seems like an inseparable part of being with Andy, and you are not sure if you are completely pliant enough.

But the feeling of giving up control. It’s intoxicating. It has you light-headed. The way he punishes you, brings you both pain and pleasure, calls out to you, like it was meant to be, like you belong to him.

Or you are into D/S relationship, just that Andy is not the right person?

And how are you even able to face him after all this? You were thinking about having him as your dissertation tutor 24 hours ago, and now you are positive that this is not a good idea at all.

“We’ll figure this out. I promise.” Some rustling noises, and a dull thud, then his voices are smaller, sounds like he’s out in the open, “I miss you so much.”

“Miss you too.” You don’t know whether you are lying or not at this point, but you do miss his warm hug and his soft smile.

“Why don’t you look outside your window for me, sweetheart?” He replies, standing by his car, holding his phone in one hand, looking up at your bedroom.

“Oh you did not!” You gasp in shock, can’t believe he pulled another cheesy corny stunt, right in front of your face.

And damn it works.

Andy waves to you when he sees your face by the window, blowing you a kiss. You can hear the smugness in his voice when he says, without a single trace of regret, “sorry about turning your words – your stories, to be precise – against you.” Damn him when he borrows all the tricks from your stories, your plot, your design, your idea about how to make up.

It's not original but it sure as hell matches exactly how you want it to be.

He looks at you, and he sees you.

He understands you.

Does this mean you should equally understand him too?

You dash out of the room before you brain could react, the questions in your head only a mere glimpse, a spark of thought, which you quickly throw away when you run down the stairs of your apartment building, not even caring you are in your fuzzy slippers and thin pajamas or the fact that you could literally break your neck running like that.

Nothing matters.

You need to see him right this second. Touch him. Kiss him. As if he is the string that attaches you to the ground, preventing you from drifting into space.

“Sweetheart?” Andy takes his phone away from his ear to take a good look at the screen.

You just hung up on him.

He thought he had you. You were so close to forgiving him and what he had done, but…

Is it too much? Showing up, in person, on your doorstep?

Were you scared?

He is going to dial your number again when you run into his arms. Catching him completely off guard.

“Hey.” He kisses your cheek, his arms circle your waist, gently stroking your back.

“Hey.” You inhale deeply. His woody cologne wraps you around, having you bury your face in his collar. Soft. Warm. Comforting. The skin contact you have been wanting ever since last night is finally relieved from your mind.

“I’m sorry about being rough last night. Really am.” Andy dips down to capture your lips in a brief peck, his blue eyes sparkling with a hint of giddiness as he notices you are welcoming his close proximity instead of rejecting it.

“I’m sorry too. Safe word and all that … I must have you worried.” You hug him tighter, blinking to prevent the tears from falling again.

“Hey hey hey.” He cups your face with his palm, “don’t EVER apologize because of safewording. I’m glad you are able to use it. Or I could…” hurt you more, but he chooses not to say that, “that’s the purpose of safe word, telling me to stop. And you make me so proud of using it instead of not. I know it’s a lot to take in, but you did nothing wrong.”

You hide your face on his shoulder again, having him sigh and hug you back, “you sound like kindergarten teachers.” You mumble, “and I feel like a crybaby.”

“Well, I am a teacher. So there’s nothing wrong with that.” Soft kisses land on your hair and your temple, “but improper use of adjectives, I’d say.”

“Yeah, you’re a university professor-”

“Not that,” he grins from ear to ear, wrapping your body in his jacket, which makes you slightly puzzled, raising your chin to look at him, waiting for his answer, “you’re not a crybaby. You’re my baby.”

Taglist: @geminiflanagansblog@wintasssoldier

#andy barber #andy barber smut #andy barber fluff #andy barber angst #andy barber x you #andy barber x reader #andy barber x female reader #defending jacob #andy barber fanfiction #professor!andy barber #student reader #dancing in the daydream #wishful thinking

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airasilver · 5 months

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Opinion: Here’s who should have won Time’s ‘Person of the Year’

Updated 10:07 AM EST December 8, 2023

Editor’s Note: Holly Thomas is a writer and editor based in London. She is morning editor at Katie Couric Media. She tweets @HolstaT. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the author. View more opinion on CNN.

Taylor Swift is Time’s 2023 “Person of the Year,” and apparently, I’m the only millennial woman on Earth who doesn’t feel seen.

OK, that’s an exaggeration. But since the announcement, it’s felt like a specific corner of Spotify Wrapped got bitten by a radioactive spider and attained superhuman powers.

I’m happy for her, I guess. I’ve nothing against a seemingly pleasant person having a lovely time, and there’s no denying she’s had a stellar year. As Time’s feature details, Swift’s now made more No. 1 albums than any other woman in history, has world leaders begging her to tour their nations and has reportedly become a billionaire. “Swift is the rare person who is both the writer and hero of her own story,” says Time. That’s great. I just don’t find that story especially compelling.

Ugh, I feel so mean. I’m well aware this will upset people, and I’d never want to rob anyone else of their joy. We’ve all had conversations with people who simply don’t “get” the music or TV we’re into. Typically, my response to such complaints is, “That’s OK, it wasn’t made for you.” But part of what’s making me so squirmy is the sense that Swift, and the stories she tells through her music, are basically aimed at me. If you lined me up alongside everyone I know who’s currently rhapsodizing over her success, I’d be indistinguishable. But I’m not biting. That’s not because I think there’s anything wrong with her. If anything, my choice for Time “Person of the Year” would be more problematic.

Historically, the title’s recipient has often been a provocateur. The idea isn’t necessarily that the “best” person wins — though that’s certainly been the case at times — it’s that the person who’s had the most influence, for “good or ill” over the previous 12 months, is recognized. Previous winners have included Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Greta Thunberg, Martin Luther King Jr. and Elon Musk. This year’s shortlist included the Hollywood strikers, Chinese President Xi Jinping, Barbie, Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell, Russian President Vladimir Putin, the Trump prosecutors, King Charles III and OpenAI CEO Sam Altman. Time ultimately named Altman CEO of the year. I think he should have taken the top title.

In case he hasn’t yet crossed your radar, Altman is the 38-year-old chief executive of OpenAI, the tech startup responsible for creating ChatGPT. ChatGPT is a revolutionary generative artificial intelligence chatbot that was launched in November 2022. It’s since astounded observers by passing exams at law and business schools, writing effective job applications and computer code and composing part of a political speech for Israel’s president.

The implications of that tech alone are both miraculous and terrifying, particularly given the potential for disinformation campaigns to influence the presidential election in 2024. Many companies besides OpenAI are vying for a bite of the lucrative AI market, competing to develop newer, evermore sophisticated systems. Though the Biden administration recently introduced legislation to regulate the exploding industry, the pace of development is so rapid that it’s often difficult for governments to keep up.

The mysteriousness and speed of the AI race were evidenced in November, when, less than a year after ChatGPT’s launch, Altman was fired suddenly by his company’s board. Just days later, Microsoft, OpenAI’s biggest stakeholder, announced it was hiring Altman to head up a new AI team. This prompted a mass revolt among OpenAI’s staff, almost all of whom threatened to quit unless Altman was rehired. Within days, he was, and the board that’d fired him was replaced.

The circumstances around both Altman’s dismissal and rehiring were remarkably murky. In their statement announcing his sacking, the original board accused Altman of “being not consistently candid in his communications,” but didn’t elaborate on what that meant. Even more worrying, Altman’s return and the restructuring of OpenAI have been characterized as a victory for AI “accelerationists” — those who believe that the tech should be developed as fast as possible, unconstrained by safety concerns. The episode proved that Altman wasn’t just capable of spearheading potentially the most significant invention of the 21st century so far. He was able to upend the ecosystem that created it within days.

This, I think, is what’s lacking in Swift as Time “Person of the Year.” Her predominance in the entertainment industry is undeniable, but her story is essentially one of becoming mega-successful within an existing framework. As she told Time, we live in a patriarchal society fueled by money, so “feminine ideas becoming lucrative means that more female art will get made.” It’s not a million miles from, “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.”

The impression that no one’s anticipating any controversy from Swift anytime soon was reinforced in November when Gannett, America’s biggest newspaper chain, hired the first-ever Swift correspondent. The journalist in question, 35-year-old Bryan West, is a self-avowed fan. Odd though some might find it to hire someone with such an obvious bias, West has argued that it’s no different than “being a sports journalist who’s a fan of the home team.” Whether you agree with that comparison or not, it’s undeniably in his professional interests for Swift to remain popular and relevant — and it seems unlikely that the appetite for stories about her will wane anytime soon.

This is why Altman, not Swift, ought to have been Time’s “Person of the Year.” His impact on the world could be exponentially more consequential, but not nearly enough people are aware of him or the implications of his technology. Every move Swift makes, however incidental, is the subject of feverish intrigue and speculation. Over in San Francisco, Altman is making moves that could change the fate of the world. And until a month ago, most of us were unaware he even existed.

I don’t know about Sam Altman but I agree, it shouldn’t have been Taylor. She’s just a musician who is everywhere and in everything.

At least I’ve seen good and bad on the AI front. Good and bad from Hollywood and etc. Taylor? Just everyone praising her? For what? Her singing? Her tours? (Where people died but while they bitched at males for things out of their control, Taylor is praised for it….doesn’t make sense to me.) Her making us spend money we then complain about?

She’s not that good of a singer. I don’t like her anymore. She’s the same as any other singer out there.

#time #taylor swift #anti taylor swift #opinion #unpopular opinion

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jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka · 10 months

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Summer Crush

Hydrangeas

Part 5

Summary: Sam had been caught in the middle of a friendship triangle for years. The problem was it wasn’t a competition for you. No you actually had a secret crush on his other best friend, Danny. When the boys come home for the summer Sam gives you one word of advice, distance yourself from Danny.

Pairings: Danny Wagner x fem reader x Sam Kiszka *slash pairing

Warnings: 18+, NO minors!, sexual content, slash pairings, friends to lovers, kind of enemies to lovers, love triangles, drinking, other recreational drug use, talk of jealousy, potential threesomes, not going too into detail yet don’t want to spoil it but do be warned 🫣, if the part number is in italics then there’s spice

Word count: 6.9k hehe I did not do that on purpose

“Fuck off, Sam” your voice was a serious tone of caution with the hint of an exhausted groan.

“Don’t be mad at me for the rest of the night, I told her I’m off limits for the next 24 hours” Sam sighed, although his sound was still smug and slightly annoyed which only pissed you off even more.

You started to ignore him now, sitting on the concrete bench outside the venue and crossing your arms. You squeezed your hands against your bare upper arms in an attempt to ignore the sting of the cold outside air.

“Look, she came onto me”. Sam for whatever reason continued to talk thinking he was doing himself a favor but instead just making himself look more like an ass. “I’m not even that into her anyways”.

“Then what the hell are you doing Sam?! Trying to make an absolute joke out of me?” Your voice came out this time a little louder than you had anticipated, exploding out of your mouth in frustration and hurt.

He looked over at you puzzled and you rolled your eyes at his complete lack of understanding for how his behavior tonight reflected badly on you. Sure just about everyone here knew you and Sam were only friends, but that didn’t mean he had the go ahead to make out with whoever he wanted. He was here as your date but he wasn’t acting like it whatsoever.

It had been Josh’s idea for you to invite Sam to prom. After all, when it was Sam’s senior year he would probably be too busy to attend his own prom, so you all figured going together this time around would be more fun anyways. Fun it was, until you went searching for the restroom and found Sam leaned over with a random girl pressed against the wall, shamelessly making out.

Anyone who wandered down the right hallway could have seen them, and by the looks on their faces they didn’t seem surprised that they’d been caught, but that it was you who did the finding.

You were starting to realize that although Sam was supposed to be accompanying you to this stupid dance as your best friend, he was just another horny teenage guy looking to get an easy hookup with a desperate girl.

You sighed and closed your eyes, trying to let the cold breeze cool you down both figuratively as it was physically. Once that started to work you back tracked your thoughts. It wasn’t fair of you to call that girl desperate, even if it was only to yourself, but you still felt bad. On the other hand, you were still pretty upset with the way Sam was handling it like you were over reacting. Still, you didn’t want to let it ruin the rest of your prom.

“Apologize, like you mean it, and we will go back inside”.

Sam scoffed at first, he felt like you were treating him like a child, but eventually he gave in and took a seat next to you on the bench.

“What’s the big deal anyways, it’s not like we’re together” he kicked a pebble that was on the ground in front of him as he was avoiding your glare by staring down.

“That’s not the point, you don’t go around making out with others while you’re supposed to be with someone else regardless of whether you’re together or not. It’s just common courtesy” you stated the simple truth but he still felt like it was just a scolding which wasn’t helping him see his fault in the matter any clearer.

“You ever stop to realize that by me inviting you here meant I didn’t get to come with anyone else? Maybe I wanted to go to my prom with an actual date” your hands were still crossed tightly over your chest, but if they hadn’t already been then you surely would have crossed them now.

Finally this conversation was starting to get his true interest, although maybe for the wrong reasons. He turned towards you trying to hold back a mischievous smirk. “Who would you rather be here with then?”

You shrugged your shoulders, you weren’t exactly trying to insinuate that you wanted someone else. It was just another point you were making. Although once the idea was in your head you couldn’t help but think of the only other person you could see yourself with here, Danny.

There was no telling how Sam would react to that picture though, his two best friends going to prom together while he stayed at home. Yeah, he didn’t seem like the type to be thrilled about being left out like that, which was why you were here with him instead.

“Would you just apologize already so we can go, it’s really cold out here” you ignored answering his question and reminded him he still had to make this up to you.

“You’re the one who took off out here in the first place” again he was trying to reflect the blame, but soon enough his posture softened and he wrapped his arm around your shoulders pulling you close to him in an effort to help warm you up just a little. “I’m sorry”.

You let your breath fall from your lips like you hadn’t realized you’d been holding it in for a while now. Looking up over at him you nodded in acceptance and you both stood. He kept you under his arm as you both walked back into the building together to rejoin the party. “I’m also sorry that my good looks are just too irresistible to most these women in here” he popped out right before you made it back into the ballroom where the dancing was still going strong.

You shoved him off of you and made your way through the maze of covered tables over to the one you shared with his brothers and their dates. First you downed what was left of your drink before trying to find where they were on the floor ready to dance out the rest of your frustrations.

Although you met up with some friends and started bouncing to the beat of the popular pop songs they played you couldn’t help but search the crowd for the brothers.

Josh was easy to find. He enjoyed dancing and parties so he was having a great time, probably hadn’t even noticed that either you or Sam had disappeared for so long. Jake was harder to spot, he was standing towards the edge of the dance floor near the drink table. Although this wasn’t exactly his scene, he was enjoying watching his older brother make a fool of himself without it being at his own expense.

At this point, you couldn’t care much what Sam was doing anymore, but your eyes still fell on him standing by your table giving a sly smile to the same girl from earlier.

Just when you thought your tightly braided and pinned up hair was about to come flying off the top of your head in an explosion of pressure, you stormed off the floor in his direction. Before you could interrupt them though, you watched as the girl shrugged her shoulders and Sam leaned over to give her a small hug only to turn away from her and catch your piercing stare.

“Someone’s still a little angry” Sam was bold to test your attitude but quickly followed it up with an explanation. “She came to me asking if I wanted to ditch the rest of the party. I told her although I would have loved to on any other occasion, tonight I had someone really important to me counting on me to be there for them”.

“Sam if you want to go just go” you sighed, already tired of trying to chaperone him instead of just enjoying yourself.

“No I’m serious” he grabbed your hand before you could walk away and held it there at waist height for a minute slowly rubbing his thumb across your knuckles, something he had done a thousand times in the past to help calm you down. “I didn’t realize tonight meant so much to you. Let me try to make it up to you?”

You tucked your chin down against your collar, trying to figure out what had gotten into you all of a sudden as you felt your cheeks flush. Tonight was never meant to be a big deal to you; it was just another highschool right of passage, a tradition and you weren’t usually the one to care much for participating in things for traditions sake. Once the night came though, you got all dressed up and it hit you that this evening might be one of the last important nights you got to spend with the three of them. Even with that sentimental realization it wasn’t explaining why you were so mad at Sam for ditching you earlier. You chalked it up to your hesitancy to let him go when the end of the summer would eventually put more distance between the two of you than ever before. Yeah it had to be that, because you couldn’t let yourself believe you were getting caught up in the fantasy of prom night as you let your best friend guide you back onto the dance floor.

“Hey, are you awake?” Sam questioned while you blinked your eyes open and closed. You were curled up against the door in the backseat and he had the opposite open, leaning over across the seats as he gently shook your shoulder to wake you. When he determined you were conscious enough to understand what he was telling you he revealed the reason for the interruption of your dream. “We are on grocery pick up duty, this is the closest market to the lake house. You might want to come pick out your own snacks”.

You sat up slowly and glanced through the window you were just soundly asleep on and saw the small nearly empty parking lot you were now parked in. A small but sufficient grocery store clad in log cabin style siding was just across the lot and you could just barely catch a glimpse of Danny’s figure walking through its front doors.

“Yea ok I’ll catch up” you replied stretching out your tight body and Sam backed out of the tight space, running to meet Danny inside before he got too far.

You grabbed your cross body bag and opened the passenger side door to lock the car before making your way inside as well, although you decided to go off on your own rather than listen to the boys argue and debate over what to get for everyone. Surely the twins had to have realized putting these two in charge of selecting the food for the week meant someone would be making a store run later on to get stuff for actual meals before you all starved. Still you were interested to see what they would get as you wandered through the aisles picking out a few of your favorites before you found yourself farther away from the food and into the rows of products double checking you hadn’t forgotten any necessities.

Just as you were about to finish up and try to find the boys you stopped in your tracks, biting at your thumb nail as your eyes fixated on the assortment of small boxes hanging in front of you.

You hadn’t expected to be browsing through the condom selection of some random small town market, but once they caught your eye you started to think having some just in case might be a good idea.

Before you could second guess yourself you reached up and grabbed a random box off the shelf and hurried down the aisle, checking all around you to make sure you were not going to get caught until after you had checked out.

You were pleased to see that although the store was quaint they still had a few options for self service. Quickly you scanned the box and threw it into your bag before accounting for the rest of your things and paying the total without a sign of either boy in sight. You breathed a sigh of relief, almost flabbergasted with yourself for not only attempting that but succeeding.

It took about another fifteen minutes before you spotted Sam and Danny rounding around the end of the aisle towards the check out with a cart full of what they had decided on. You helped them scan the items, chuckling at the variety but honestly surprised they seemed to have done quite a good job.

“Jake text me a list” Danny admitted to you and Sam shot him a faux hurt look like Danny had betrayed a secret they had which only made you giggle harder as you all carried the bags out to the car.

“Only about 35 minutes left before we get there” Sam announced as he started the car back up once everyone was situated back in their seats only this time Sam was driving instead of Danny since he was more familiar with the directions.

Although the first half of the drive was rather quiet with Danny playing soft music over the speakers, tapping his fingers with the beat against the steering wheel while you and Sam did little to keep him company. Now you were all snacked up and energetic for the last stretch. The anticipation that the excitement of the week held permeated the atmosphere of the car as the three of you sang along loudly to Sam’s choice of songs.

Although Sam’s eyes were mostly fixed on the road, Danny was able to look back at you, flashing you a toothy grin which made your heart ache. “Are you sure you’re ready to share a house with us for a whole week? Not going to get sick of them by Tuesday?”

You narrowed your eyes, fighting your lips turning up into a smile at the corners, at the way he said ‘sick of them’ like he wouldn’t be included in the feeling. “You forget I’ve actually been before”.

You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into, but nothing you could consider happening was more nerve wracking than the talk you eventually were going to have to have with Sam.

Days before agreeing to all go on the trip together you had told Danny that you didn’t want to keep your relationship a secret from Sam anymore. You had even been as honest as to admit to him you didn’t really consider each of you dating until you made it official by telling the others. Josh and Jake you both knew wouldn’t be a problem, but the words Sam had told you that night at the party when everyone got back to town rang through your ears as a constant anxiety that he might not accept it, his best friends being together in a way that he wasn’t included. Or at least you figured that was why Sam would be so against it.

The time passed by quickly while you and Sam shared old memories of a childhood summer when you came to the lake house to Danny who looked more than pleased to be hearing about a very young you holding your ground against the Kiszka bunch who were even more rambunctious as kids.

Before you knew it Sam was turning into the driveway and your memories turned into a strong form of nostalgia as you saw the house for the first time in so many years.

Josh’s car was already parked, he and Jake had driven up the day before to make sure everything would be ready when the rest of you got here.

Sam took off inside, you and Danny shaking your heads and sharing a look before you both stayed behind to gather up the groceries to bring in. Jake met you halfway and took over for you so you could go back and collect your bags to bring inside as well.

As soon as you entered through the front door Sam and Josh were chasing each other through the living room, Sam nearly knocking into Danny who was trying to bring his half of the groceries into the kitchen just further on.

“What are they fighting about already?” You asked Jake who was avidly ignoring them as he put the items from the bags away.

“Sam is mad because Josh said he slept in his room last night” Jake replied to you while still ignoring his brothers arguing.

“He says he slept in my bed naked last night!” Sam hollered from the living room in clear disgust before attempting to launch forward at Josh again who nimbly avoided his grab once more.

“What can I say? The sheets came out of the dryer so warm!” he teased with a smirk. No one really believed him, probably not even Sam, but him even pretending it happened was egging Sam on.

You shook your head and turned back to Jake, “How are the sleeping arrangements being made?”

“Josh and I are sharing my parents' bedroom down here. Sam’s taking his usual room, and you and Danny can decide who wants our rooms upstairs” Danny had left back outside to get his and Sam’s things, but he returned just in time to hear the last bit of what Jake was telling you.

“Upstairs?” Danny clarified and started up the stairway by the door to put their belongings up in the rooms.

Sam shot Josh one last warning look before giving in and following Danny up to show him where all the rooms were located.

“Here, let me help you with that” Josh walked over to you and offered to carry your larger bag up the stairs. “You can take my room” he went up first, meeting Sam and Danny at the top, hesitating for a moment when Sam debated trying to catch him once more.

“Can you guys please drop it?” You called up at them, trying to finish making your way up the steps before another running match broke out. They were definitely trying to show off since everyone was all here now.

“Excuse me, I’m trying to show the lady to her room” Josh eased past them to go to the door at the end of the hallway on the left.

Sam’s room was the only bedroom on the right of the hallway, you vaguely remembered it from the last time you were here, but you had never been in Jake or Josh’s rooms which were just across the hallway.

Once inside you noticed it was a little smaller than you remembered Sam’s bedroom being, either that or growing older had just put the proportions into perspective.

Josh set your bag down as you walked around, taking the small details in. There wasn’t much in the house outside of the usual vacation home decorations, but something about it still felt like Josh. That would definitely take some getting used to.

“Don’t worry, your sheets are clean” Josh smiled but nervously wiped his palm on the back of his neck.

“Thanks, for inviting me and letting me stay in here” you offered him back a smile although it didn’t do much to help ease the awkwardness of the situation.

“Of course, we’re glad you came. Sam is across the hall,” he took a few steps to the side and opened the door to show you a small empty closet with one clothing rod and a couple of built-in shelves. “Bathroom is through that door” he pointed over to another door across the room.

You chose to walk over this time, opening the door to check there was indeed a bathroom on the other end like he’d said. Inside was a long narrow bathroom with a double sink and another door at the other end. You raised an eyebrow and looked over at him in question.

“Oh, right, it’s a shared bathroom with Jake’s room, well Danny’s for the time being. I’ll show him where the bathroom is downstairs so you can have this one for yourself”. He walked past you and opened the door to the joint room to which you found a surprised Danny on the other side.

“Hey” you smiled over at him from behind Josh.

“Hey” he replied, trying to concentrate on the boy in front of him before giving up and tearing his eyes off of him to look at you. Once you caught each other's eye he smiled back and Josh glanced between you two before brushing it off.

“I was just telling her I would show you the bathroom downstairs so she can have some privacy with this one” Josh explained to him, hopefully not noticing the heavy air that was quickly settling in the room around you.

“Of course” Danny replied with a sideways smirk, although he seemed pretty pleased to find out the rooms the two of you were staying in were connected.

“Have any plans for the rest of the afternoon?” You asked Josh while you still had him up here.

“Not much for today, just want everyone to get settled” he shrugged his shoulders and offered to continue showing Danny around the rest of the house since he was the only one who had never been before.

You retreated back into your room and unpacked a few things before heading back downstairs to see if Jake needed help with anything.

The rest of the afternoon went by smoothly, each of you taking turns helping get dinner ready in the kitchen and setting up the dining table which sat right in front of large French doors that overlooked the backyard. Just a few yards and a bit downhill you could see the glistening waters of the lake shining in bright hues of yellow and orange with the setting sun.

After dinner the boys brought out some drinks and migrated through the sliding glass doors, starting a fire at the pit which was surrounded by lounge chairs. Each of you took a chair and nursed your drinks while the fire roared to life. There was some small talk, but mostly everyone just watched as the flames flicked wildly in the otherwise pitch black night of the countryside.

Although none of you had done anything particularly exerting compared to what was surely in store, you knew there was always something about road trips that tired people out.

That being said, Sam was the first to excuse himself, Jake following him back inside to retire for the night as well.

You gave it a while, you were pretty tired as well but thought you could manage staying out a little longer if Josh and Danny were going to.

It grew much quieter with just the three of you outside now, the sound of the fire fighting against the wind to stay alive crackling a constant form of white noise into the night.

“I have a treat for you guys” Josh finally spoke, his voice just barely above the sound of the fire. He hopped up from his spot and ran inside briefly before returning with a wide smile like he was up to no good.

“I’m a little worried” you chuckled nervously until Josh revealed a small joint expertly rolled in a tight brown wrapper.

“Hell yes” Danny smiled back to Josh and took the piece from him to inspect it. Josh encouraged him to light it up then the two of them shared a couple of puffs until you cleared your throat.

Danny looked over at you suprised, sure they had seen you drink from time to time, but never engage in any other forms of recreation. It was obvious they weren’t around your sophomore year of college.

You extended your hand and Danny gave you a turn. You tried to act cool and take an easy hit, but it had definitely been a long time since you had participated and the stuff Josh had was far better than anything you’d ever tried in college so you ended up coughing pretty hard and giving it back after just a couple of tries.

Josh still seemed to be impressed, a permanent smile plastered on his face as he was given another turn, his eyelids already starting to drop.

It was Danny’s turn again but the wind had picked up considerably, most likely due to the black clouds that were drawing closer and closer in the sky threatening to consume the last bit of moonlight that was keeping you out.

He fought back strands of long hair that were flying around his face and you called him over to sit in front of you while you worked his hair through your fingers, braiding it back so that it wasn’t blowing around anymore.

As he sat on the ground between your legs, either forgetting where he was for a moment or just too high to care anymore, he ran his fingers up the back of you leg before bringing his palm around the curve of your knee and caressing your thigh.

Your posture stiffened but you were almost done braiding his hair so you finished the last bit then allowed him back up.

“Thanks” he smiled over at you when he returned to his seat, his eyes lingering on your presence just a little too long before shifting his attention back to the fire.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me!” Josh exclaimed. Despite his inebriated state he was darting back and forth between you and Danny, finally picking up on the not so stealthy interactions you were both doing a terrible job at hiding all day. “The two of you?!” He was putting the pieces together quickly and there seemed to be no denying it now.

“What?” Danny’s eyes were wide with shock as he fought in his foggy mind to quickly come up with an excuse.

You saved him the struggle though, letting Josh be the first one in on your secret. “Actually, yeah. We’re kind of together”. You reached over and Danny happily took your hand in his, giving it a squeeze for support. “But the others don’t know. We want to tell them when the time is right, especially Sam. Okay?”

Josh erupted in laughter, maybe this hadn’t been the ‘right’ time to tell him while you were all feeling funny and out of it, but it still felt like a partial weight off your chest. “Sam’s going to be pissed” Josh replied when the laughter died down, shaking his head and taking the last puff of the joint before setting it out on a rock next to him.

“Any advice?” Danny asked, thinking now that you at least had one Kiszka in your corner it would make converting all of them easier.

“Maybe just don’t wait too long?” He offered, standing up to indicate he was about ready to go inside now. “And do a little better at hiding it until you tell him otherwise he will eventually catch on. Sam can be dense sometimes but you’re probably the two most important people in the world to him that aren’t his blood”.

Despite having been overly happy just a moment ago, Josh’s words sank in hard. On one hand it was nice to hear someone else doting on your unique relationship, but further knowing how betrayed Sam would feel when you told him made you worry how this would eventually all turn out.

“I think I’m ready to go back inside” you turned towards Danny who shook his head and helped Josh put the fire out before you all returned to the house. Rain started to fall from the sky just as you made it back in, but still managed to catch the each of you with a couple of large drops.

“Well good night, and good luck” Josh whispered as he snuck into the room downstairs trying not to bother Jake inside.

Danny followed you up the stairs, grabbing your waist and pulling you into a quick kiss before you parted ways into your own rooms.

You took your time getting ready for bed, mostly because you could hardly feel your limbs anymore. The few takes at the joint outside combined with the couple of drinks you had were starting to affect you more than you anticipated.

After your nighttime routine and slipping into a little pajama shorts set you crawled on and sank into the bed. Normally the sound of thunder outside would keep you awake, but tonight it was actually calming you down as you closed your eyes and began to drift off.

The thunder also concealed the sound of a door opening in the room, you had no idea the bathroom door had creaked forward until you felt someone crawling from the end of the bed through the blankets towards you.

A pair of calloused hands slid their way up your legs easily finding the hem of your shorts and tugging them down. You sighed, opening your legs once they were free of the fabric and allowing the body to settle between them.

“Danny-” you mewled, knowing no one else in the house would be joining you in the bed like this. He pulled the covers slowly down, first off your chest then further down until he could peak his head out and see you.

“Shh” he sounded with a finger to his lips before he moved that finger and brought it to your center, rubbing it through your folds and teasing around all your sensitive spots.

“Mmm, Danny please” you whimpered, moving your hips trying to catch his touch against where you needed it.

“You will have to be quiet, don’t want to wake anyone up” he glanced over at the door to the hallway with a cocked eyebrow before returning to you and placing wet kisses between your thighs.

The storm outside was raging on, a flash of lightning illuminating the room only briefly but revealing the most salacious image of Danny going down on you followed by a loud crack of thunder.

“On second thought, you can be loud, we just have to time it right” he smiled up at you with a glint in his eyes at his new found entertainment.

“What do you mea-” you weren��t following his line of thought but was immediately silenced by the feeling of his tongue dragging up where his finger had just been tracing and settling over the tip of your most sensitive area.

“I’ll show you, keep quiet for now” he muttered in between licks, waiting for exactly the right moment.

Another strike of lightning and Danny’s head shot up, replacing his tongue with this thumb and rubbing fast circles, his lips and chin glistening with how wet you were in the flash. “Here it is, count with me”.

“What?” You were more confused than before but growing less and less concerned with trying to understand him and more interested in him using his mouth again.

Another crash of thunder. “Three seconds, I can work with that” he said more or less to himself then moved back down to continue with his tongue, placing two fingers at your entrance but holding them there steady.

Another strike of lightning then within three seconds Danny was pushing inside drawing another moan out of you as the thunder rumbled past.

You were starting to understand now what he meant by getting the timing right. He was using the lightning and the following thunder to provide the cover he needed to draw the sound out of you, driving you absolutely crazy for a few seconds then letting back up so you could catch your breath and wait for the next moment to come.

Another strike of lightning and you tried not to tense up for what you now knew was coming. He pressed his lips around your clit and sucked while changing the angle of his fingers inside, curling the long digits up right into your favorite spot.

“Mmm- no no no no!” Your hand flew to your mouth as your protests lasted just a bit longer than the rumble of the thunder this time.

Danny slowed down and pulled back, looking up at you again with concern. “What is it? Did I hurt you?”

“Ohmygodno” you expelled in one long breath. “It feels so good” you whined, throwing your head back in frustration.

“Then what’s the problem?” You could hear the smirk in his tone as he picked up the pace a little, just waiting for the next flash to queue him in on when he could really go for it again.

You grabbed his hand before it could happen, moving to try and sit up to face him. “In my bag, on the dresser” you pointed over to the dark corner of the room where you knew you had left your crossbody with the box you bought earlier today just inside.

It was his turn to be confused but he did as you asked and left you to find the bag, flipping it open and fishing around. “You brought condoms?” He chuckled, surprised but pleased nonetheless.

“Bought them actually, today at the store” you giggled back, sitting all the way up to pull your top over your head. “Now are you coming back over here or not?”

He set the bag back where he found it and fumbled with getting the brand new box open, bumping into the bed while he was distracted.

“Wait” you stopped him from getting back onto the bed giving him a demand to complete first, “shorts, off”.

He pulled one square out and removed his only piece of clothes like you’d asked, leaving them on the floor with the box. You waited patiently and watched as he expertly rolled the condom on and got back onto the bed. The only problem now was he laid down next to you instead of where you wanted him to be, back between your legs of course.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He sounded pained that he’d come this far just to hold himself back, but he had to make sure. “I know we’ve been doing things but I don’t mind keeping it like that for a while. At least until you know we’re officially dating”. You shoved his chest playfully knowing he was poking fun at you but still understanding his sentiment.

You took a moment to really think about what he was asking instead of choosing to stay wound up in the moment and making a rash decision. When you came inside after talking with Josh you’d decided you wanted to tell Sam tomorrow, but you were still unsure what the outcome of that conversation would be. You wanted this, especially now you wanted it bad. After tomorrow you didn’t know when the opportunity would present itself again, and if Sam was going to be pissed at you then you might as well make it worth your while.

Before giving him your answer you moved to swing a leg around his waist, placing either hand on both his shoulders to hold him in place to the bed and help keep your hips hovered above him. You moved one hand to cup his face making sure he was looking you in the eyes as you spilled out every emotion you’d been keeping secret all these years.

“Danny, no matter what happens this week I want you to know that you are such a good person. You’re so patient and caring, and sweet and kind and sexy. Fuck I want this, I’ve wanted it for so long. I want you, and I want you to want me, I need it, I-”

Danny cut you off by lunging forward and crashing your lips together. He grabbed at your hips, digging his fingertips into the flesh as he pulled you down flush against him. “I want you too” he assured you between passionate kisses.

You broke free but he continued his kisses down your neck and against your collar then even lower until he had one of your hardened nipples pulled between his lips sucking and nibbling on it. Lifting your hips again you leaned forward and whispered into his ear “good then fuck me already”.

With the warm up from earlier and the heat rising from your shared affections your core was aching to be filled again. He quickly helped grant your wishes by slipping a hand between your bodies and lining himself up before you slowly sank back down onto him sighing at the feeling of the good stretch until you were fully seated again. Taking your time, you placed a hand on his slightly sweaty chest to balance yourself as you rocked your hips forward and backwards.

Unfortunately the storm had already passed, only the lingering wind was blowing against the window as you both panted and muffled your moans.

You knew this position would work just fine for you, a tension was already growing in the pit of your stomach as you moved at a slow steady pace, but Danny was clenching his fists in the sheets, trying hard to let you keep control but wanting desperately to move himself.

“Can we switch?” You asked then tried to get up but Danny grabbed onto your waist and pulled himself forward until both of your chests were pressed together then rolled you over in one swift throw of your bodies.

You were surprised with the maneuver, giggling a little until your breath was caught as he hooked one of your legs around his arm and hitched it up to get a deeper angle.

“Right there!” You cried out into the safe space between his neck and shoulder, pulling some of the skin there into your mouth to keep the rest of your noises muted as he continued thrusting into you.

“Are you close?” He asked as you slowly drove him crazy placing kisses and love bites all up and down the curve of his neck being ever so careful not to leave any lasting marks, at least not tonight. “Please tell me you’re close, I don't think I can last much longer”.

“I’m close, just don’t stop” you ran a hand down his side. It lifted with the curve of his ass and you drug your nails down his cheek causing him to grunt and groan into your ear before slipping your hand between your bodies and finding the space to rub your fingers in circles.

You hadn’t realized how close you actually were until your knees started to shake and your body was feeling warm and fuzzy. Sucking in a deep breath your mouth falling open in silent bliss as the tension finally popped. Danny’s movements started to falter as your clenched around him but he kept going fucking you through your orgasm all the way until you came down.

You pulled him into an open mouthed kiss, your mind filled with nothing but utter amazement and satisfaction.

Danny let your leg go and collapsed on top of you, catching his breath for a moment before pulling back up and slipping into the bathroom to clean up real quick. Once he was done he leaned in the doorway, and you smiled over at him as you laid there rubbing your hands up and down your torso because your body just felt so good right now.

“That was umm” he chuckled, trying to find what best to say.

“Amazing?” You tried to finish his sentence for him.

“Fucking amazing” he replied as he walked back over, retrieving his shorts and slipping them on before returning to your side.

He propped himself up with his head in his hand and his elbow on the pillow as he also started tracing his fingers up your navel and around the curve of your breasts. It was dark in the room so you didn’t feel too exposed, but you also felt good about him seeing you like this, laid here and absolutely wrecked by him.

“Danny, I don’t want you to go” you sighed, not wanting to ruin the moment but too anxious about having to say goodnight to him after being so close.

“I won’t, I’ll stay right here” he tried to assure you but you knew he couldn’t.

“I don’t want him to figure out by finding us like this”.

“I’ll leave before the sun comes up, don’t you worry” he rummaged around in the sheets and the blanket that had gotten kicked down to the end of the bed for your pieces of pajamas. He helped you redress before laying his arm out and pulling you into a side hug. “Just go to sleep now. We will take care of everything else tomorrow”.

You turned onto your side and tucked your arm up under your head, wrapping the other one around his chest and nuzzling your nose behind his ear. His hair was still pulled back into the braid from earlier, just a few stray strands that had come loose from the night's activities. It still smelled like the smoke from the fire, with a mixture of his shampoo lingering and a bit of sweat. You inhaled and closed your eyes, tomorrow would come sooner than you were prepared for, but for the rest of the night you were going to simply enjoy being in his embrace.

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@jessicafg03

#summer crush hydrangeas #Greta van fic #greta van smut #danny wagner #sam kiszka #Sanny gvf #gvf

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selfshippingmailbox · 2 years

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Hey y’all.

It’s been a while. Just wanted to give you all an update in case anyone was worried or whatever since it’s been pretty quiet here lately!

TLDR: I’m thriving and living my best life, but I just don’t have the interest/time/energy to run this blog the way I used to. All asks currently in my inbox will be deleted, and there is no guarantee that future asks will be answered - but I will leave my inbox open. This blog isn’t going anywhere - you’re welcome to reblog anything from my archives!

If you’re reading this and you want juicy details and sordid affairs, you’ll be sorely disappointed. Consider this just, like, an open letter to anyone who cared about me and this blog personally.

I hope you’re doing well! As I said above the read more I’m doing very well - I’ve graduated college, I’m going to graduate school to do research in my special interest, and I have wonderful friends who love and support me. I’ve started medication that’s immensely improved my mental health and stability, and I’m happy with where I’m going in life. I recently got my permanent disability parking placard and a new custom mobility aid which is very exciting for me since it will reduce my pain and hopefully increase my spoons to do things I love like hiking and art!

That said, I stepped away from active use of this blog for quite some time, and while not wholly the reason I’ve stepped away, there were a few incidents that’s have…not necessarily ruined self shipping for me, not at all, but they did put a bad taste in my mouth. I just want to get it off my chest, y’know? The people involved in these incidents were either rightfully upset that I overstepped a boundary or well meaning but confused individuals - I bear them no ill will and I hope they’re as happy and fulfilled in life as they can be.

The first incident was fully my mistake - I reblogged what was meant to be a personal post intended for mutuals only to this blog under the impression that it was self ship related. Unfortunately, with how many people follow this blog and the fact that it was in my queue and posted after I had fallen asleep, it wasn’t until the next day that I realized my mistake. The OP was understandably upset - both that a personal post had so many notification and that it was being treated as self ship material. I apologized, deleted the reblog, and contacted as many blogs as I could who had reblogged the post asking them to delete their reblog, but it was still a very stressful situation that further increased my existing reluctance to interact with other self ship blogs.

The second incident was a case of mistaken identity. I originally made this blog kind of out of spite - a self ship blog with a similar url had at the time been revealed to be run by a queerphobe. I, being queer, made a blog with a similar url sort of as a ‘fuck you’ to a blog I had previously enjoyed visiting for self ship content. Unfortunately, picking a similar url resulted in at least one person mistaking me for the queerphobic self ship blog. They made a vague call out post and tagged me in it - so I was able to reach out to them and explain the situation before that post reached very far at all. They were very apologetic and while I appreciate that, it did stress me out that other people might see my url and associate my blog with the bigot who ran a blog with a similar url. I have a strong aversion to changing my blog urls/themes/etc. (the autism is strong in me) so I never had the heart to change my url in spite of this potential recurring issue.

At the time of the second incident I had just barely gotten back into actively running this blog, and it just felt like the straw that broke the camel’s back. So I stepped back for quite a while - as you can see from last year’s annual pride month reblog haha - and I have fallen out of public self shipping personally. As a result I just do not have the motivation or the investment to continue posting self ship content - and I struggled for a long time to decide that it’s just too much for me, for something I don’t know I’ll ever feel the same about again.

I want to thank you - I’m assuming, if you’re still reading, you’ve been here a while and knew me when I posted actively in the community. I figured out that I was a lesbian here - that I was transgender and didn’t have a pronoun preference - and you were nothing but supportive and welcoming. Thank you for all the good memories - the ask games, the writing prompts, the positivity and the community you shared - I will not forget the good times I had here. And I hope you have some good memories of my time here to remember me by.

It’s been wild y’all. This is Beans signing off for the last time. Don’t forget - your f/o loves you 💙

#self ship #self shipping #self ship community #beans speaks #pinned post #🏳️‍🌈💙🏳️‍⚧️

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its-inevitable-lupe · 1 year

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sometimes I don’t even know myself. Like not at all. But I know myself extremely too much that I analyze all details and habits and all I do. I learn so much about myself every month… it would be such a bad sign if you never learn anything about you. I get upset, my mood changes so much. Im a very distracted person. Idk what my intentions are with people. I say yes but I leave everyone. I act like I’m good but then I’m playing you. I sugarcoat my lies, my habits because why? I can’t focus on one thing. I’m very narcissistic.. I’m so selfish at times and I use to think I wasn’t.. but I am. I want to be pleased. I want it my way. I overspeak.. i overthink. I go in circles. I talk so fucking much. I listen but then i dont. Literally I don’t listen as much as I thought I did… I study my ways. I use people so much and before her I would drag them along.. but people use me? Or all along I been using everyone. I crave for love when I don’t give….. I crave for things and I don’t give. I expect everything. I’m the warmest person you can meet… and be outgoing… give you the best version of me. Talk, be there…. But then I completely shut down in such a drastic way. One snap and my mood changes in unhealthy ways. I have never learn to fix it completely but there have been times I been so mad at people that I had to leave the area…. I use to think that I would hide certain parts of me but I’m too open that I will act … I hold grudges to the grave. I haven’t had someone actually break up with me. I have been told and done sooooo many things that I just never really let it hit me or feel on me the hurt. I have used self harm, alcohol that now I think I can potentially be an alcoholic, I even crave it now but I have self control… I used people.. distractions. Maybe why I can’t finish anything.. maybe why I can’t be still… because I just have to keep my mind going a million miles. I use to think I didn’t care enough because I would compare them to me… and dude it’s actually who I really am. I don’t let love in my heart…. I’m scared of loosing something I try to death for. I couldn’t even try with the one I actually wanted because I was distracted and all over the place in my personal live. The only way I noticed the type of person I really was were people who like me and still wanted me with my flaws… and that’s how I’m like tf is wrong with you … I’m such a disaster. I ignore people and they want to still. I kiss and go. I do the bare minimum and gosh…….whaaaaaaat is it that I seem to be doing ok to get them to think I’m worth it? Or are they all sick people wanted to fix a fucked up complicated person…. And the last girl I told her dude I was the PROBLEM.. I’m complicated. I don’t like affection and I can be there and all but I won’t stay and THEY DONT GIVE AF. My crush at work, Two… they really like talking to me. One even after I interrupt her and I’m like omg do I.. and I’m like it’s me ADHD lmao and she’s like it’s okay, it’s not annoying like other people but you do that lol . I don’t know how to erase parts of me and the bad things when it’s me…….. and I hate that people tolerate me. I look thru old things and how can anyone like me years ago. Sometimes I wonder damn that was a real deal relationship because no sane person both would be in something like that and especially long distance????? For years….. there is no way anyone could ever be the same after it. It changed me completely. Nooo medicines to make my head slow… to change me… I want to know a life where I’m myself without needing substances. I’m a hopeless romantic person afraid to be committed and really give and settle for love. Crazy huh

#my thoughts

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merlinsear · 3 years

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My family has been dealing with an absolute roller coaster nightmare of a health situation with my uncle and we just got good news and I definitely needed something hopeful to happen with the way life has been going lately

#I mean this is nowhere near over but at least things seem to be going on the right direction #I don’t want to get into details both so I don’t potentially upset anyone and also so I don’t jinx anything #but I don’t have a good relationship with my dad and we lost my grandpa five years ago so my uncles are my father-figures #and this one in particular is so important to all of us #so good news is really helping right now #health stuff

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minniepetals · 2 years

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hi, minnie! could i request another chapter of "i thought you'd kill me by now", please? 👉👈

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8 / part 9 / part 10 / part 11 / part 12 / part 13 / part 14 / part 15 / part 16

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” you nod at your father’s question as you sit well on the chair beside his bed. “Namjoon’s taken care of Kihyun so he can’t come for our family any—”

“I’m asking if you’re alright, Y/N, not about our situation.” When he cuts you off like that in such a strong voice, you’re reminded once again about all the things that had happened in that dark room in Kihyun’s manor. When your eyes fall to the floor and your lips seal quiet, your father’s voice fills the silence. “I heard briefly about what happened…or, the speculations of it.” You can feel your fingers digging into your skin when he says those words, not wanting to believe that your own father heard a few things about what had gone on in those three days you went missing.

Your own father.

“I’d kill him myself if I had the power.” You can hear the concealed rage in his voice and feel tears waiting to fall at any moment but you hold them in, not wanting them to ever fall in the presence of your father.

He shouldn’t have to hear about this. He may have a hard exterior and not like to show his emotions most times but he’s still a father who brought a daughter into this world. He shouldn’t have to go through this.

You haven’t told anyone about the details and don’t ever wish to for their sake but it still hurts knowing your father knows enough to speculate what had happened. You never wanted him to ever go through this. You always vowed to yourself to live well, to protect yourself, to fight, to conceal yourself from any pain that can hurt you so that your father didn’t have to worry about you.

He’d always had to fret over your mother, after all. She had been a lovely woman when she was still living, but too pure for this world. When her life was forced out of you and your father’s life, you remember how bad it had affected your father and promised then to live within the shadows and serve as a good heir for the mafia.

He shouldn’t have to go through this pain and you hate yourself for letting him understand what this pain feels like. So helpless, regretful and guilty because he couldn’t do anything.

He doesn’t deserve this at all.

“Hi!”

“Y/N?”

From the looks of it, Yoongi’s quite surprised to find you right at the doorsteps to Bangtan’s manor and even you wonder it yourself. You aren’t sure how or why you got here but here you are, greeting one of your potential lovers with a smile.

“You really aren’t fearful of anything, huh?” He lets out a sigh when he finds no one accompanying you. “Where are your bodyguards?”

As he asks that, he walks right back into the building and you follow along without hesitation. “You already know I’m not too fond of bodyguards,” you tell the man lightly as you look around at the interior of the inside. Now that you remember it, you don’t think you’ve ever stepped foot in here.

“They’re for your own safety. Wouldn’t your father get upset if he were to find out you stepped out without a bodyguard again?”

“Not if he never finds out,” you singsong.

“Hm. A young lady visiting the doorsteps of seven healthy young men late at night,” you look up to find Hoseok walking down the steps of the stairs, his eyes narrowed playfully your way with a small smirk resting on his lips, “it almost seems a bit scandalous, don’t you think?”

“Is it that odd?”

He shrugs. “We’d never let anyone else in.”

“Oh really? So I’m special then?”

“You’ve always been special.”

“Oh.” Well you didn’t expect to hear that. But then again, Hoseok’s always been flirty around you, hasn’t he? Both him and Jimin have ever since your first meeting. It almost became an everyday thing whenever you’d meet up with each other coincidentally so why’re you getting stuck now?

“What’s the matter?” Hoseok laughs. “You were always so good at taking my comments and now you’re getting flustered?”

Because he sounds like he means it this time.

Maybe.

“Y/N? What’re you doing here? It’s late at night.”

“That’s what I said,” Hoseok responds when Namjoon walks out from one of the hallways with Jungkook following right behind.

“Y/N?” The maknae’s eyes brighten a bit at the sight of you and you almost want to laugh at how excited he looks.

“You came without a bodyguard,” you hear Seokjin say as Jimin and Taehyung follow him down the steps of the stairs. He looks displeased. “If you keep being so careless, you’re going to worry your father again.”

“Right…” They meet you in the middle where a circle of seats lay, just the right place for a meeting. When they take their seats and look at you expectantly, you take a moment before speaking up. “Um…about that.”

“Hm.”

“I came to give my thanks.”

“This late into the night?” Namjoon raises a brow. “You could have sent a simple letter and I’d be fine with that.”

“I wouldn’t,” you say, heart sincere, and they watch you with a serious gaze, knowing you have much more to say, so they fall quiet, waiting for you to go on. You fidget with your fingers for a moment and they realize this is the first time you’ve hesitated ever since your first exchange of words with them a few years back. “If you hadn’t come that day — no, if you hadn’t sent me that proposal I…”

You can still feel the stinging sensation that had lasted on your face for some time. How many days have passed since then? Just three days. It took you two days to recover, another day to meet your father at his bedside because he’s weak and stuck to a wheelchair now due to of the lasting effect of the poison, and now here you are, late at night, visiting the people who had lent you a hand.

“If it wasn't for you, I would have…I would have been stuck with that monster.” Your voice breaks a little and their lips tightens.

“Y/N…”

“I also came here because I was afraid,” you admit, jaws clenching when you think about it. “I can’t openly cry back at my place because then my father would hear about it and how can I do that to him?” They stand from their seats, walking up to approach your trembling self. “Even if he were to tell me that it’s okay to let it out, that I shouldn’t hide anything from him, I can’t do that to my own father. He shouldn’t…He doesn’t…” You feel a hand on your cheek and look up with desperation. “No father should ever know what that feels like yet I..–”

“None of this is your fault.”

“I know,” you nod, understanding it well but it still pains you. “I know but…but it just…”

When your tears fall for the first time, they can almost hear their own heart breaking at the sight.

You go on to wipe them away before giving up and letting them be as you realize it’s no use. They hold you there silently, letting you cry, holding you still and even as you fall to the floor because you can no longer stand, they fall with you.

“Please say it,” you say through the tears.

“Say what?”

“Propose to me again, with words this time. Not through a letter, not through my father, just…right here.”

Namjoon takes ahold of your face, his hands gentle as they brush away the tears that are blurring your sight from seeing them clearly. He places on a sad smile, hating seeing you in this state but for you he’d never deny a thing you ask for.

“Will you marry me?” He asks and you cry a little more.

“No.”

A rueful chuckle leaves him. “You wanted me to ask just so you can reject us, huh?”

You laugh a little despite the tears and let yourself lean into his arms. He holds you protectively as you feel gentle hands running through your hair, fingers caressing yours, love at all sides.

“Just admit that you lost first,” you mumble and he sighs.

You hate losing and so do they but for you, they’d do anything. “Alright. We’re caving.”

A smile curls along your lips. “Then…yes. I accept your proposal.”

#🌸 asks

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invisibleanonymousmonsters · 3 years

Text

This Game of Yours

Father of Mine – Part 1 and Part 2

Jason was beautiful.

And somehow that scar that went from the right corner of his mouth up to his temple only made him that much more beautiful to Y/N.

Those blue eyes were the same color of water on a stormy day in the Irish sea. And somehow Y/N knew they held the same tempestuousness.

The white streak weaved with his jet black hair so naturally that Y/N would’ve believed he was born with it.

His shoulders were so broad, making his 6’3 height feel even more imposing. He had a presence. People noticed every time he walked into a room. It made Y/N wonder how he was ever able to sneak up on people as Red Hood.

He was wearing a black hoodie underneath his black moto jacket.

Y/N knew Jason didn’t give a shit about fashion. Yet he was well-dressed without any effort – more so than most of the models Y/N had shot throughout her career.

Not being able to control herself any longer, Y/N raised her camera and took a photo.

Jason stopped surveying their surroundings and his gaze snapped to her.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

But his growl didn’t scare her in the slightest.

“Anyone who’s by me when I have a camera is at risk of getting their picture taken. No one is safe. Not even you,” she answered his question unapologetically.

Y/N was working on a personal passion project for her next show. Her collection would be about the poverty and crime of Gotham. Half of the photos would show the heaviest crime areas of the city. And the other half would expose the lifestyles of the wealthiest people in Gotham.

Why did so many suffer from the same system that helped the rich get even richer?

When Bruce found out Y/N was going to Crime Alley and the Bowery by herself, he was visibly upset.

But he realized that Y/N would do as she pleased, so his plan b was to give her protective detail.

However, Y/N didn’t know that Jason had volunteered, almost immediately.

Instead, all she heard was Jason grimly telling her, “You’re lucky you haven’t been fucking murdered yet.”

She had only responded with a roll of her eyes.

“I’m not your escort so you can take my picture. I’m here so you don’t get raped or murdered.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you have a way with words?”

His only response was a glare.

Jason loved playing this game. The game of pretending to be irritated with her when actually he was absolutely infatuated with Y/F/N Y/L/N.

“The easiest way to stop getting your picture taken is to always be the one holding the camera,” Y/N added with a smirk and wink.

Jason didn’t answer, only thinking what a shame it was that no one got to photograph her.

Suddenly, the sunlight hit the top of his head perfectly, creating a halo around that thick and messy hair of his.

Y/N snapped another photo.

“Will you stop?” He warned.

It only succeeded in making her laugh.

And that just excited his heart even more.

“Jason, you were born to get your photo taken.”

There was no joke underneath her words, only sincerity.

“Whatever,” he mumbled.

Jason had a hard time believing that. His skin was riddled with scars. And he was convinced that she’d be singing a different song if she saw his chest, with its thick autopsy scar amongst the so many others. The absolute last word he’d use to describe himself was beautiful. Strong and imposing? Yes. But never beautiful – or any other positive adjective, for that matter.

“I’m not kidding. If you ever want to stop the whole vigilante thing, you can easily become a model.”

Y/N had noticed it as soon as Jason took of his helmet that night. His domino mask had done nothing to prevent her from noting the obvious.

It didn’t take long for Y/N to realize Jason wasn’t like his “brothers.”

“Brothers.” What a strange word.

Should she consider all of them as hers?

Only Damian was actually related to her – and technically he was only her half-brother.

Y/N had watched Jason get on his motorcycle and leave the cave that night she’d almost died.

She’d agreed to stay for dinner and get to know everyone. And a part of her brain was excited to get a better read on the masked man that sat by her bedside as she’d recovered.

“He’s not staying?” Y/N had asked Bruce as he guided her to the stairs that led back up to the manor.

He only shook his head, but she noticed the disappointed expression.

Soon she found out that Jason was the black sheep of this strange family that had taken her in.

Dick was the one who told her about Jason’s dark past. All of it seemed unbelievable: murdered by Joker and brought back to life from a mysterious pit. Only to return to the family who appeared to have replaced him and never sought vengeance on Jason’s behalf.

But it was true; Y/N had seen no lie in Dick’s eyes when he filled her in.

Suddenly there was yelling coming from around the corner.

Without hesitation, Jason shoved Y/N behind him.

He reached for one of his guns and then realized that he didn’t have any.

Y/N was rather vocal about hating them, claiming they made her extremely uncomfortable.

Her expression alone as she said it was enough for Jason to swallow his stubbornness and leave the things at home.

Bruce was rather taken aback by the gesture. Nothing he’d ever said was enough to get Jason to do that.

A gang of young men came marching around the corner like they owned the place…because they did. This was their territory.

Jason immediately recognized them as some of the Russian mob.

Despite pulling Y/N behind him, they still caught sight of her and looked her up and down without an ounce of shame.

“Hey, beautiful. How you doing?”

“Продолжай идти, придурки,” Jason growled at them.

He was outnumbered. But there must’ve been something about his body language that made the gang realize they shouldn’t pick a fight with him. Maybe it was the muscles or his height or that he looked like he wouldn’t even blink before murdering them.

So they just…walked away. Some of them mumbled threats or insults at him. But they realized they shouldn’t even so much as look at Y/N.

A split second before they were gone, Y/N took a picture of Jason.

“Really?” He asked.

She shrugged. “You look like a different person when you’re protective.”

Y/N was beautiful.

Jason watched as she passionately explained her work to a potential buyer.

He recognized the man as a local politician – luckily, one of the few that hadn’t been corrupted from this shitty city.

Y/N had the intimidating energy of her father, but the kind eyes of her mother. At least, that was what Bruce had told everyone, and they all took his word for it.

She wore a stylish white jumpsuit that made her look like a 1980s villain and black stiletto heels.

Jason watched as men cowered in her presence, hating the fact that she proudly stood taller than them. She was just one less woman they could intimidate or manipulate – and they couldn’t stand it.

But Jason loved watching the emasculation in real time.

The bastards didn’t deserve her anyway.

Dick was one of the very few men Jason knew who didn’t blink at a woman towering over him. In fact, his older brother had a track record of preferring it.

“Surprised to see you here,” Bruce said beside him, catching Jason watching Y/N.

“Well, I was her personal bodyguard through all this. Figured I should see if it was worth me wasting my time or not.” Then he tossed back his champagne and slammed it on the tray of a waiter passing by. “Plus, free alcohol.”

Bruce just quirked an eyebrow, silently telling Jason that he knew he was lying.

“Are you buying something?” Jason asked, trying to change the subject.

“I have been strictly forbidden,” Bruce sighed.

Jason chuckled.

He knew if Bruce had his way, he’d buy every single on of Y/N’s pieces.

“I have to know,” Bruce began. “What exactly is holding you back?”

Jason finally ripped his gaze away from Y/N to give Bruce a questioning look.

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/N. You care about her.”

“All of us do,” Jason brushed off. “Even the demon spawn.”

Bruce knew there wasn’t a chance Jason would admit his feelings – especially to him.

“Not that I think you care…but you have my approval.”

Little did Bruce know, Jason did care.

Jason had convinced himself that their rocky relationship and past fights meant that Bruce would die before he let Jason be anywhere near his daughter.

And Jason could hardly blame him.

He didn’t deserve to be loved. He lost that right after he died and came back a monster. And that was the story Jason told himself over and over again.

So he would love Y/N from afar. And hope she would pick someone who was worthy of her love.

“She’s basically my sister,” Jason groaned in fake disgust.

It was quite the performance.

Bruce narrowed his eyes. “We both know that isn’t what’s stopping you. And you’ve made it clear you don’t consider us your family.”

“Whatever, Bruce.”

Jason walked away, having enough of the subject.

“What was that about?” Clark asked as he joined Bruce’s side.

“Jason refusing to let himself be happy,” Bruce sighed.

Clark already knew what Bruce was talking about. He’d seen Y/N and Jason dancing around each other for months now. He’d never really seen Y/N take an interest in anyone before, so it was all new for Clark.

“Don’t worry. Y/N won’t let him get away with it for much longer,” Clark said through a smirk. “She gets what she wants.”

And Bruce believed him.

“It doesn’t bother you – the two of them together?” Clark asked with genuine curiosity.

“Jason reminds me every day that I’m not his father. And I’m hardly Y/N’s.” A soft smile formed on Bruce’s lips. “He’ll look after her. And she…I think she’d be good for him. I just want them to be happy. Both of them.”

——

Jason headed home rather early.

He’d never actually went to say congratulations or even hello to Y/N.

Every time he was about to go over, someone else stole her attention. He didn’t want to get in the way of her talking to potential buyers or even just friends.

Jason was just about to make himself something to eat when there was a knock at his door.

He froze.

Very few people knew where his apartment was.

Jason grabbed a gun and tiptoed to his front door.

With a peak through the peephole, he let out a irritated sigh.

Jason whipped the door open, “You’re lucky I didn’t shoot your head off.”

“Maybe don’t own guns and you wouldn’t have to worry about shit like that,” Y/N snapped back.

“What are you doing here?”

“You come to my gallery opening and don’t even say hi?” Y/N accused as she stepped around him and into the apartment, not waiting for an invitation.

Jason eyed the paper bag that was in one of her hands.

“By all means, come on in,” he called sarcastically as he slammed the door behind her.

Y/N started searching through his cabinets. “Where are your glasses?”

“The one to your right. What are you doing here?”

Y/N had the brightest and almost mischievous smile as she pulled a bottle of champagne from the paper bag.

“I brought this as my thanks for you making sure I don’t – and I quote – ‘get raped and murdered.’”

Jason glared at her.

Here was the game again.

Y/N being charming and hilariously provoking..and Jason pretending like he hadn’t fallen for her.

She poured them both a glass. They weren’t flutes or coupes, but she couldn’t care less.

“We’re chugging these, by the way,” Y/N informed Jason as she handed him a glass.

He sighed, but obediently clinked his glass with hers and tossed it back.

Barely giving them a second, Y/N immediately refilled them.

“So, why didn’t you come over and say hi?” She repeated.

“Didn’t want to bother you,” Jason mumbled with a shrug.

She narrowed her eyes at his answer. “You’ve never bothered me before, Jason.”

Now he felt guilty.

Jason bowed his head. “I should’ve come and talked to you,” he agreed. “Your work…it looked – it’s amazing, Y/N. Congratulations.”

Apparently Y/N hadn’t expected such a sincere compliment from him, and she was stunned to silence.

“Thank you,” she managed to whisper once she’d recovered.

She cleared her throat, trying to maintain her edge. “And really…thank you for being my own little security detail.”

If Jason was healthy about expressing is thoughts and feelings, he would’ve told her that it was the highlight of his weeks. That he looked forward to her calls or texts, telling him that she was going to photograph another shady area. “Be there or don’t. I’m going no matter what,” she’d text him with her usual snark.

But Jason didn’t express his thoughts and feelings.

He kept them bottled up – with the same energy he used to keep Y/N at a distance.

So instead, Jason said, “If it wasn’t me, one of the others would’ve done it.”

Y/N winced slightly at that.

‘You’re such a fucking asshole,’ Jason told himself.

“You know…we can see each other even you’re not my bodyguard.”

Jason was impressed by her boldness. But she didn’t know what she was doing. She didn’t understand that he wasn’t good. He couldn’t play the loving boyfriend role. She belonged with someone like Dick or Clark – or literally anyone but him. And Jason was willing to be an asshole to make sure she understood that.

Y/N took a step closer to him, invading his personal space.

Without breaking eye contact, she threw back her second glass of champagne and then placed it on the nearest counter space.

She stepped even closer.

This was simultaneously Jason’s worst nightmare and most desired dream.

Her eyes moved from his eyes to his lips.

But before she could make her final push, Jason took a step back and cleared his throat.

He looked down at the ground as he said, “You should go.”

When he looked up, he expected to find Y/N heartbroken or embarrassed.

But she was neither.

No. She looked irritated.

Not because she wasn’t getting what she wanted, but because she was sick of his games.

Y/N sighed and stepped back. “Fine.”

Jason rubbed his face in frustration as she grabbed her purse and started for the door she had walked through only minutes ago.

She opened it and paused.

“You know what? No. Fuck that,” Y/N snapped before slamming the door closed.

She whipped around and strutted back to him with purpose.

Jason was suspended with both fervor and awe.

Y/N grabbed his face and pulled him down to her lips.

All self control went out the window. Jason couldn’t continue his game. It was all over for him.

He kissed her back almost immediately. How could he not?

Y/N bit his lip slightly, making him hiss in surprise. It was his punishment for making her wait all this time.

Eventually they needed a moment to breathe.

But Y/N didn’t let go of his face when their lips finally parted.

“Choose your next words very carefully,” she breathed.

He swallowed nervously. “You’re kind of fucking terrifying. You know that?”

Her smile was pure evil.

Apparently this was the right response.

“Are you done being an idiot?” She asked.

He nodded quickly.

Her hands moved down and then lingered on his neck, tracing the bottom lines of his jaw.

She smiled again and then looked him up and down.

“What?” He questioned.

“Nothing,” she laughed. “I’m just…I’m not used to being shorter than men.”

“Is that the only reason you like me? Huh? My height?” Jason goaded.

“Of course not,” Y/N scoffed. “It was the whole ‘I look like I could murder everyone and I can, but deep down I’m a big softie’ that did it for me.”

Jason’s grip tightened on her waist. “Oh, yeah? You’re one to talk…”

“Me?!” She yelped. “I couldn’t kill anyone, even if my life depended on it.”

“Maybe. But your terrifying in basically every other way.”

Y/N laughed at that.

Jason couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the sound

“So…still want me to leave?” She asked.

And this time, she would if that’s really what he wanted.

“Fuck no,” Jason answered, almost threateningly.

Then, for good measure, he picked her up by the back of her thighs and carried her to the couch, before he started to kiss her once again.

Y/N knew things weren’t always going to be this simple.

Jason had his demons.

And honestly, so did she. They were nothing like his. And maybe they were silly in comparison. But she wouldn’t be the perfect partner. Just like he wouldn’t be.

They’d drive each other crazy. But it would be the good kind of crazy.

------------------------------

+ Childhood

#father of mine bonus content #father of mine #bruce wayne x daughter #bruce wayne x daughter!reader #batman x daughter #batman x daughter!reader #bruce wayne's daughter #batman's daughter #jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #jason todd reader insert #red hood reader insert #clark kent x platonic!reader #superman x platonic!reader

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imwiththefae · 3 years

Text

Perfect

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky wants a little something to get him through a long mission.

Warnings: Nudity/photographed nudity, implications of smut and a sex tape/video (18+ older, please!), one bad language word, fluff

Word Count: Roughly 1680

A/N: This piece has got to be one of my favorites that I’ve ever done. Sweet and spicy at the same time! A big big thank you to Rose, @gogolucky13, for letting me bounce this idea off her and brainstorming with me! I really don’t think this piece would’ve reached its full potential without her help. She’s an amazing human and a fantastic writer, so go and check her out! Please forgive/ignore any mistakes you may find. Happy reading!

______________________

“Babydoll?”

You offer a small hum in reply, your attention still stuck to the weathered paperback book in your hands. To your right, Bucky snaps his own book closed and sets it on his bedside table.

“You know how I have this two week mission coming up?” You look at him now, a mixture of anxiety and sadness settling within you, where they would inevitably make their home over the weeks to come. You force a wary smile. Despite your own feelings, you want Bucky to know that you’ll support him endlessly. This time is no different.

“Yeah, what about it?” Turning back to his bedside table, Bucky reaches for his phone before facing you again. You watch him fiddle with the device, noticing how he doesn’t meet your eyes when he speaks.

“I was...thinking,” he begins, and a entirely new wave of worry overtakes you. Thinking what? Surely he couldn’t be ending things with you over a lengthy mission. The two of you have been together for three years, for God’s sake. Does he want to opt out of the operation? You don’t know the details, but do the risks outweigh benefits this time around? The thought sends you into another round of panic, and even though you’re good at hiding it, Bucky is quick to notice the shift in your mood.

“I was just thinking that I want some...pictures of us. Of you...just to have while I’m away.” A pink flush colors his cheeks. You quirk a confused eyebrow at him.

“We have lots of pictures together, Buck,” you say, and as if on cue, his phone lights up, revealing a selfie the two of you had taken on your date to Central Park. You’re laughing, a smudge of chocolate ice cream smeared on your cheek. Bucky is laughing, too, his own cup of mint chocolate chip clutched in his free hand. Even in a photo, the immense amount of love he holds for you is evident in the way he’s looking at you.

“I know,” Bucky cracks a coy smile, but it fades when he continues to speak. “I meant the kinds of pictures of you...that I can’t show anyone else.” Now, he’s pulling at a loose thread on the comforter. Still not quite following him, you cock your head to the side. He huffs. “Pictures of you...naked,” he all but mumbles. Now it registers.

“James Buchanan Barnes,” you muse, a mischievous smirk playing at your lips. “Do you want to take my nudes?” The flush on his cheeks deepens and he finally chances a glance at you. Your reaction noticeably eases his nerves a little.

“If that’s what they’re called these days, then yes.” He reaches a hand to scratch at the back if his neck. “If it’s okay with you, of course.” Your heart flutters. Always the gentleman. Closing your book and depositing it on your own bedside table, you waste no time in stripping yourself of your (his) t-shirt. Bucky watches with wide eyes, ogling at you as if it’s the first time he’s ever seen you bare.

“What’d you have in mind?” you ask eagerly. He chuckles, opening his phone and selecting the camera. Before you can even register it, he’s snapping a photo of you cross-legged and bare-chested on the bed. “Hey! I wasn’t even ready!”

“Don’t worry, babydoll,” he smirks. “Just a quick test. You look beautiful, anyways.” You can tell by the way his smirk widens at his phone screen that he’s admiring his work.

“You should probably make a separate album for these, just to be safe. I don’t need Sam or Steve seeing my boobs.” You cringe at the thought. “Do you need me to show you how?” Bucky chuckles again, turning his phone to you. On the screen, the candid photo of you is displayed in an album labeled “My Best Girl”. Butterflies fill your stomach, and it’s your turn to blush a deep pinky-red. If you weren’t so flattered and in love with this teddy bear of a man, you’d be worrying about who taught him how to create a new photo album...and if they knew what it was for.

“Alright, come over here,” Bucky instructs, rising from the bed and padding over to the full-length mirror in the corner of your shared bedroom. You follow him eagerly, shimming out of your panties once you’re standing beside him. Again, he watches you, his smirk wide and his eyes hooded with desire. Still, though, the rosey blush hasn’t left his cheeks. You can tell that he’s nervous from they way he watches you, gauging your every move and reaction. This is new territory for him, and while you’re the only one he’d ever want to explore it with, he’d be damned if he upset you in any way.

“Gotta be nude for the nudes,” you giggle, taking in your naked reflection and Bucky’s half naked one beside you. His grey sweatpants are low on his hips, but his upper half is bare and muscular and absolutely perfect. Something about being completely exposed and vulnerable while he’s still somewhat clothed sends a chill up your spine and an aching desire straight to your core.

“Okay, will you hold this? And please, let me know if you want to stop at all.” You nod. Bucky hands you his phone and moves to stand behind you. He hesitates for a moment, and then his right arm comes around your body and across your breasts, positioning himself in such a way that only your nipples are covered. His vibranium arm snakes it way down your left side, cool fingers ticking soft skin, his hand coming to rest against the most intimate part of your body, shielding you from the camera lens. If you were turned on before, it doesn’t compare to the feeling that floods your body now. His large frame wrapped around you, his hands, both calloused and smooth, concealing the parts of you that are only his to see and touch...it’s enough to make you feral. You rest your left hand on his metallic forearm, leaning back into his warm chest. Bucky nuzzles his nose into your neck, his lips finding the spot where your neck and your shoulder meet. Raising his phone to the mirror, you snap the picture.

“Perfect,” Bucky whispers against your skin, and it’s obviously that he isn’t referring to the picture, though you’re positive that came out just as well. Gently, he guides your body to turn around in his arms, taking the phone from your hand. Now chest to chest, he drapes your arm over his shoulder. You follow suit with your other arm, reaching up on your toes and wrapping them around the back of his neck. Something between a squeal and a giggle escapes you when his vibranium hand grips your ass cheek, giving it a playful squeeze. Bucky laughs. “Stay still, sweetheart.” The camera clicks again.

“You’ve really thought this through, huh?” you quip, pulling back to look at him. Your arms still rest around his neck, your fingers tangling in his long brown locks. “You should be a photographer after you’re done avenging.”

“Only if you get to be my model.” He steals a soft kiss.

You continue to allow him to do what he wants, molding your body into whatever position he likes. Slowly, he sheds his nervousness and lets his guard down. Sweet nothings are whispered and giggles are shared. The level of trust and comfort the two of you have been able to find in each other never ceases to amaze you, or him, for that matter. Never did Bucky think that he’d ever get to a place like this. But now that he’s here, now that he’s with you, nothing else seems to matter.

Now he’s leading you back to the bed and laying you back among the messy sheets. He settles between your legs, his phone camera at the ready as you tuck your hands behind your head. “Wait,” he says, seemingly more to himself than to you. Your brows knit together in wonder as he reaches over and pulls open one of the drawers in his bedside table. A soft metallic jingle has you pushing yourself up on to your elbows. Your eyes go wide once you see what Bucky pulls from the drawer.

“Will you put these on?” He looks at you innocently, expectantly. You hesitate, eyes wide as your gaze flicks between Bucky and his dog tags that dangle from his hand.

“Buck...are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, sweetheart,” he smiles, the meaning of his words reaching far beyond the idea of someone else wearing his dog tags. He drapes the cold chain over your head and gingerly pulls your hair from underneath it. The two silver tags that bare his name come to rest perfectly in the valley of your breasts. “Perfect.”

Smiling, you lay back again as a warmth blooms in your chest. You’re fully convinced your heart will burst one day because you can’t contain how much you love your super soldier. Until then, you’ll spend every moment showing him just how much he means to you. Resting your head on your hands, you give him your best flirty smile. Bucky snaps a few pictures this time. Sitting back on his haunches, he scrolls through the latest pictures, pinching his bottom lip between his teeth.

“These are too good not to set as my screensaver, babydoll,” he almost whines. You giggle, poking your toe playfully into his abdomen.

“Fine,” you relent. “But only as your home screen. Keep your lock screen PG.”

“Deal.” You watch him as he fiddles with his phone, noticing his growing arousal that his sweatpants do nothing to hide. An idea pops into your head.

“So...you’ve got my nudes now,” you purr, sitting up and grabbing the drawstring of his sweatpants. “How about a video to match?” Bucky’s eyes go wide, his pupils blowing, the task of switching his screensaver forgotten now.

“Are you sure?” His previous nerves make a small reappearance.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, Buck.”

That’s all the confirmation he needs.

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Read part 2 here!

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes fluff #bucky fluff #bucky barnes smut #marvel #marvel fic #mcu fic #mcu fluff #marvel fluff #marvel smut #mcu smut

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heyhihellowhatsup0 · 3 years

Text

Hooked On Your Feelings - Chapter Two (FWB! Tom Holland x Reader)

SERIES MASTERLIST

Warnings: Some angst, language, eventual smut in future chapters, fluff

Word Count: 5255

Summary: After a bad breakup, making an agreement with your womanizing neighbor, Tom to be friends with added benefits and no strings attached seemed like the perfect idea. Until things become messy, emotions caused your agreement to crumble.

A/N: I am HYPE to post this new chapter! Omg I just love writing this series so much its so fun writing Tom like this lol. Also low key...this chapter has an easter egg to a pervious series of mine and I’m v curious if anyone catches it but probably not because its superrr tiny but either way I hope you guys like this one! Obviously, smut is in this chapter! DM me to be tagged and I cannot wait to hear everyone’s thoughts! (Also .gif is not mine. DM me for credit please, I found on google!) Thank you xx -N

“What happened to that girl you took home the other night from The Lace Rabbit?�� Harrison asked as he ordered his lunch before he took a seat at the table with Tom. It was typical for them to meet up during the week on their lunch breaks and catch up when they were not busy being wingmen for the other while bar hopping on the weekends.

Tom shrugged off Harrison’s question as he took a bite of his sandwich, “She got a little clingy so I had Y/N help me get rid of her,” he smiled as he said your name out loud. His friends knew of you as the hot girl who lived next door who bailed him out of sticky situations. Always teasing Tom how he could never actually get you. The irony made it all too funny for him, “How’d it go with that blonde girl?” he asked to change the subject off of him.

He didn’t know if he should bring up the two of you sleeping together with Harrison. Harrison was his best friend and wouldn’t judge but he knew he’d give Tom shit for it. He’d want to know details of your arrangement or how it came about, if you were really that good and Tom didn’t feel comfortable answering that. Not if it was about you. He didn’t want his other friends knowing about you in the way he did. That was personal between you both and he wanted to show you he respected you.

“It didn’t,” Harrison admitted while taking a sip of his water. He let out a chuckle as he felt himself blushing, “Forgot her name and she spilt her drink on me. Can’t say I didn’t deserve that one,” he at least knew when he was in the wrong.

Tom cringed into his sandwich as he let out a cackle, “You definitely deserved it, mate,” he laughed with another bite. His phone vibrated in his pocket but he chose to ignore it, knowing like clock work what it probably was. It was going to ruin the rest of his day and he at least wanted to enjoy lunch with his friend before getting pissed off for the day.

“She’d probably love you,” Harrison teased.

“Fuck off,” Tom rolled his eyes with a laugh. “I’m not taking your angry seconds.”

“Don’t knock angry sex til you try it,” Harrison smirked knowingly.

Tom shook his head as he once again ignored the phone ringing, “I think I’m good, thanks,” he brushed it off with another eyeroll.

He didn’t know why he suddenly felt weird talking about their last venture out at the club. Maybe it was because Tom knew where he ended up after that girl had left and he knew what that meant for the both of you. But Tom wasn’t done with his bachelor days, and even you knew that. Hell, you practically insisted since this was a no strings attached deal.

It just felt strange not telling Harrison about you. Like it was a weird secret. But at the same time, he felt oddly protective of you. Not wanting his friends to see you as some girl he was getting laid with. Or worse, a potential love interest. He knew it wasn’t going to happen. Hell would be freezing over before Tom decided on any sort of long term obligation. But he knew his friends and he knew they wouldn’t see this is a simple agreement between two friends. And he didn’t want to deal with that conversation.

Staying quiet was the better option. For his own sanity. And...well, would you care if he told anyone about this? Tom figured that was another rule he’d have to ask about. He didn’t want to overstep any boundaries and he knew you had a list of rules as well that he was happy to follow. As long as that meant one thing and one thing only: non-exclusive.

Harrison noticed Tom’s phone buzzing for the third time. And Tom ignored it for the third time. He checked the message with a huff of his breath before turning the screen face down on the table, going back to his lunch before he had to get back to work.

“Clingy girl?” Harrison nodded towards Tom’s phone.

Tom shook his head, “My mother was supposed to visit this weekend but you know the routine,” he mumbled into his food, not even wanting to respond to her.

“Let me guess,” Harrison began, knowing exactly where this was going since he knew Tom’s whole story inside and out. Including the bits he hated to discuss which was mainly his family, “Going skiing with Clint in Veil instead?” he questioned knowingly.

Tom scoffed out a laugh at his guess, “Surfing with Clint in Malibu but same shit,” he corrected as he tried not to let it get to him. But even Harrison could tell he was getting bothered by it once again and who could honestly blame him.

Always the same story every time no matter what and Tom grew tired of her antics. He couldn’t even blame Clint for it anymore considering she’d been this way since he was a kid before he was even in the picture. Only now she would just use him as the perfect excuse to get out of coming to visit.

He knew he shouldn’t care anymore but he couldn’t help it. It wasn’t something easy for him to simply let go of. It was his mother. And no matter how many times he’d try she would always give him back the bare minimum and it always made him upset. She was his one final connection to him and she could care less about any of it, so why did Tom? It always got under his skin and he loathed that it did.

But he would still invite her. No matter how miserable it made him.

“Well at least now you’re free this weekend,” Harrison broke his thought while he gathered their garbage before they headed back to work, “The usual at The Lace Rabbit this Saturday then?” he suggested with a knowing smile to try and get Tom out of his mood.

Grabbing his phone, Tom clutched it tightly as he inhaled sharply. Knowing his change of plans meant doing his normal routine even though he was looking forward to the slight change this weekend, which now just seemed bleak to him

“Yeah,” Tom agreed as he tapped your name on his phone but hesitated when he saw his mother trying to call for a fourth time, “The usual this weekend.”

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Your chest tensed as you got into your car after your extremely long day in the office. Everything around you felt heavy and you couldn’t wait to get home as soon as you could but you found yourself still frozen in your car. Unable to move as the moments from earlier this afternoon invaded your thoughts once again while you tried your best to move in. Even though you knew you were completely grief stricken and didn’t know what the hell to do.

The promotion was yours, at least you had thought it was by the way your boss would constantly hint at it. You knew it was never a definite thing, but you were confident in the hard work you had put into your job and knew you were a top contender for the spot. You worked longer hours, took on extra tasks, you even worked on the occasional weekend to get your work done. Taking every precaution necessary to prove that you were the best fit for the role.

Everything felt like it was lining up for you. Co-workers were giving you a pat on the back for your work accomplishments, your boss was taking note of everything you were doing, and you overall felt really good about where you stood for the potential position. So imagine your surprise when you attended the big luncheon and your boss announced his undeserving son was getting the spot instead of you.

It was both nepotism and misogyny rolled into one and it made your stomach turn the longer you had thought about it. None of it made any sense and it was far from fair. You knew you were the one more deserving of the position, the whole office knew it. Even your damn boss knew but he chose his damn son over you and it felt like a stab right to your gut.

You felt so betrayed and beside yourself as you finally decided to head home. Tears streamed down your cheeks while you tried to focus on the road but you just couldn’t ignore the facts. How were you going to be able to show up and take orders now from your boss’ son? You knew the job more than he did and it felt like a huge screw you.

On your drive home, you tried to make yourself feel better by putting on some music to distract yourself but nothing helped. You felt beyond defeated and frustrated right now you didn’t know what was going to make you feel better at the moment. It felt like the world was against you. Between finding Justin with another woman and your job, you were really batting one thousand lately and you weren’t sure when you would catch a break.

Things were not going how you planned at all. The thought of just quitting your job and starting all over again crossed your mind but the fear of the unknown kept haunting you. You didn’t know which direction to go in or who to turn to for advice anymore. You were slowly drowning and you needed someone to throw you a goddamn life jacket already.

You were relieved to finally be home. Maybe some peace and quiet would make you feel a little better, you thought to yourself while you kicked your shoes off and turned some music on for yourself. Trying to put the day behind you and focus on the present moment while you got changed into more comfortable clothes to unwind.

You jumped out of your skin when you heard a knock at your door, not expecting anybody to come by right now. Pulling your hair up into a bun, you headed back towards the door and looked through the peephole. To your surprise, you weren’t really surprised at all. You were actually sort of relieved when you opened the door and saw Tom standing there holding a pizza box.

“That better have extra cheese,” you asked with a narrowed expression while you invited him inside with the pizza that he would always bring you even in normal times.

Placing the box on the kitchen table, Tom opened it with a grin as he showed you the pizza pie with cheese practically oozing from the crusts, “Figured it was an extra toppings sort of day,” he admitted, knowing he really needed the escape from reality. Even if it was just a pizza.

“Tell me about it,” you sighed as you grabbed a piece closest to you as Tom handed you a paper plate. You headed over towards your refrigerator to grab you both a few beers while Tom leaned up against your kitchen counter as he devoured his slice, “I’m guessing you had a bad day judging by your pizza presentation?” knowing there wasn’t really any particular reason he’d be coming over with it today. Unless if he wanted something?

You slowed your pace back from the fridge wondering if he was going to pick up on how you were feeling. You weren’t entirely sure if you wanted him to notice. Whenever you and Tom had a pizza night it was merely to gossip about your lunatic neighbors or watch a game together. You talked about casual things but never really gone into depth or prying into each other’s lives. Why did it feel like suddenly you wanted something different? Would sex change that much in your friendship?

“We can just ignore that...we don’t have to talk about unimportant stuff,” you waved it off. Tom didn’t need to hear about your miserable day. And you didn’t want to pry into his.

He swallowed the last bite of his slice, “If something makes you upset, it’s not unimportant,” he noted. But when he noticed you just looking at him, he raised his hands in surrender. “Ignore my philosophical ass. But I’d like to hear about your day, you know,” he laughed it off.

What the hell was he doing? He thought to himself. Don’t let personal shit ruin this. Enjoy her company. That’s it.

“I didn’t get the promotion,” you told him. You had mentioned to Tom a while ago that your boss was hinting at it but you never went into detail with him about it. You weren’t used to Tom actually wanting to be open or the other way around. And you’d be lying if you said you weren’t slightly surprised Tom even gave a crap about stuff like this.

Tom frowned at your answer and he felt his heart sink a bit when you told him the truth about your bad day. He didn’t know much about your job but he was sure you were a hard worker. He saw how much you loved your job and how passionate you were about it when it would come up. You would share upcoming projects with him from time to time and he would see the look on your face whenever you explained them to him. So hearing that you were passed by for a promotion was upsetting to him.

“I...shit, Y/N,” he put his pizza down as he walked over towards to give you a hug. Sliding his hands around your waist he pulled you into him as he felt you relax against his chest, “You didn’t deserve that,” he added softly.

You allowed Tom to embrace you, his warmness comforting you a bit before you pulled away and started crying when telling him about your boss’ son getting the job instead of you. Making you laugh by calling him every name in the book, you and Tom finally found a common ground as you kept venting to him.

Tom pulled away slowly, his hand resting at your chin while he licked his lips, “You’re boss sounds like a fucking prick, I hope you know that,” he told you reassuringly. The small smile you formed when he spoke made him want to keep making you feel better, “I’m glad you’re smiling,” he blushed at his confession.

Stretching your mouth wider, you flashed Tom a playful yet overly wide grin to deflect the attention he gave to you. The two of you laughed as Tom pulled away with a loud chuckle, shaking his head at your sudden silliness, “That has to be the most hideous smile. But we’ll work on it,” he told you through his laughter.

You rolled your eyes before going back to your pizza, giving Tom a look as you nudged him, “Not gonna tell me about what happened to you?” you finally asked.

Tom tensed as he tried to brush it off with a simple shrug into his pizza. The thought of his mother’s texts and ridiculous apologies and excuses continued to drive him crazy as he mumbled into his bite, “It’s stupid shit,” he told you as he swallowed the crust he was chewing, “Mom stuff, not important,” he added bluntly.

You could see the look on his face and could tell it was important to him but you didn’t want to force him to talk about it. Tom was never one to bring up his family ever to you and that was the first time you had ever heard him even mention his mother. He never spoke of his father, at least to you, so you just assumed both were out of his life for whatever reason and it was none of your business to ask.

And Tom refused to admit it but he wanted you to ask about him. Spending hours upon hours at bars, turning his focus always onto the girl; because he knew no girl would ever want to go home with a self righteous, egotistical guy. It was never something Tom minded to do, especially with complete strangers who he would never open up to in a million years. It might have been the recent development he had with you but there was something refreshing he felt around you and as much as it freaked him out, he didn’t seem to mind.

But diving into his mommy issues with you now seemed too much to deal with right now. You were dealing with more than enough problems with your job and your miserable ex-boyfriend, he figured you didn’t need to hear his bitching right now anyway. He came here to get away from those shitty thoughts, not open those wounds further.

Tom came here for a distraction.

Licking his lips, Tom perked up as he looked at you fervidly, “Wanna have sex?” he asked matter of factly. He figured he didn’t need to beat around the bush since you had your arrangement but maybe he was a bit too direct with his request. Tom cleared his throat as he tried to save the night, “I-I mean, I just figured since we both had shitty days that maybe we could uhm-”

“Thought you’d never ask,” you cut him off with a smirk and you perked up as well, nodding as you smoothed out your hair. Standing back up as you turned your back towards him, removing your shirt in the process, “Let’s go,” you called over your shoulder as you headed towards your room.

“Oh, we’re jumping right in,” Tom mumbled to himself as he practically fell off his chair to follow you into your room, tossing his shirt beside yours as he practically froze already seeing you completely undressed, “Christ…” he breathed out while taking you in.

You rolled your eyes as you walked over to him, bringing your lips to his now bare shoulder, “You’re really acting like you haven’t seen me like this the other day?” You laughed against his skin while you began to suck a bruise against him, hearing him let out a gasp while your hand snaked into his pants sneakily, “Beginning to really like this whole friends with benefits thing we have,” you laughed as you found Tom’s lips.

Practically growling into your kiss, Tom lifted you up and lowered you onto your back on your bed. His lips traveled from yours, to your stomach, dipping his tongue into your belly button as you moaned quietly before he brought himself down between your thighs. His lips peppering your inner thigh before he got straight to the point because this whole arrangement meant no foreplay. Another plus for Tom.

“Darling, I think you may be the best friend I’ve ever had,” Tom breathed out a laugh as he pressed his tongue flatly against your clit. Sliding two of his fingers into your core while he slowly pumped in and out of you, “This is what got me through my day today,” he told you before he brought his mouth back to your core.

You arched your back while your fingers went towards Tom’s curls. His name began to fall from your lips while he lapped his tongue carefully, letting it slip inside of you as he continued to tease you with his mouth. His fingers sliding into you again, adding a third as he moaned against your center; allowing the vibrations to roll throughout your entire body.

“Mmm, oh, fuck...!” you cried out, yanking gently against Tom’s hair as you felt the coil beginning to burn from inside of you. Biting your lip to stifle another moan, “Fuck...yo-you’re really good at that,” you breathed out with a small laugh which turned into a whimper.

With his head peering up at you, Tom flashed you a cocky smile with a playful wink as he licked your folds teasingly, “Did you seriously doubt my abilities to make you cum with my mouth, Y/N?” he raised his eyebrow while pumping his fingers now tantalizingly slow, “You’re gonna pay for that comment,” he said to you.

“Just...shut up and make me cum, Tom,” you told him through another gasp as you felt his teeth drag teasingly against your already throbbing bud. His lips wrapped around it as he sucked more harshly, doing exactly as you had asked him to do, “Ungh...oh god, okay. Yeah, keep doing that,” you instructed as you began to grind your hips against his mouth.

Tom took it as a challenge and picked up his pace, beginning to flick your clit faster while he continuously sucked on it. His three fingers now entirely coated in your warmth as he felt you clenching around them. His pants feeling tighter from his hard on while he knelt at the end of your bed trying to bring you to where he wanted.

His free hand splayed against your stomach, holding you in place while he felt you trying to squirm around from the way he was making you feel. Rubbing your clit in between his breaths, Tom looked up at you as he licked a solid stripe down your center, “Let out how you’re feeling from today and cum for me, Y/N,” Tom commanded.

Your eyes shut as you did exactly what Tom had suggested. Completely coming undone from beneath him while you released as much of the tension from earlier as you possibly could but in the most amazing way. Your eyes rolled back into your head while your back arched as Tom’s tongue continued to work you up while you were at your highest point.

Letting out a breathy laugh as you started to come down from it, feeling Tom begin to kiss his way back up your stomach with a smug look, “Don’t give me that look,” you rolled your eyes at his cockiness as his tongue traced along your neck, “I could do what you just did to myself, you know,” you tried to knock him off his high horse a bit while he pretended to be wounded from your words.

“Ah, but you didn’t. Did you?” Tom reminded you as his lips found yours. His hands still in between your thighs as he brought them between you both, showing you his coated fingers while he tasted you off of them, “Tastes like I made you cum because you wanted me to,” his smugness only elevated as he pushed himself off of you as he laid on his back on your bed.

“Need I remind you that you came to my place like a porno with a pizza looking to get laid,” you retaliated as you shifted so you were now hovering over him. Your hands guiding towards his belt buckle to get him out of his restraintive pants. The pleading look on his face made you just as smug, “Sounds like you want me to do just about the same thing, am I right or am I right?” you sang in his ear.

Tom helped you get the rest of his pants and boxers off, feeling himself spring out as he stared back at you with uncertainty, “Did you...just call me a porn star?” he questioned as the two of you let out a laugh.

“You wish, Tommy,” you teased as you ran your tongue down his abs, placing small and open kisses against his stomach as you made your way down to his legs while your hand carefully gripped his hardened length, your thumb running the pre-cum around his tip while you already heard him gasping for you.

Gripping your bedsheets with one hand, Tom reached around to create a makeshift ponytail to hold your hair. Cussing under his breath as he watched your mouth wrap around his tip, swirling your tongue around it while your eyes searched for his. He was really trying to hold it together but you were already driving him crazy.

“Let’s see what you got, Y/N,” Tom challenged you with a heavy breath as he tightened his grip around your hair, “Sometimes, girls think they know exactly what to do but-OH FUCK!”

His words were lost as soon as your mouth went straight down to his base. Suctioning as hard as you could before coming back up his cock painfully slow. Moaning your name as his chest began to heave, Tom felt his thighs start to quiver from under you. Even just watching the way you were working on him was enough to make him whimper right now.

“Fuck...okay, yeah I take that back,” Tom gasped as his nose crinkled up while his other hand white knuckled the sheets, “God, your mouth is fucking perfect. Why haven’t we done any of this shit before?” he was in such a fucked out haze, he wasn’t even sure if anything he was saying made any sense at all. But he felt his stress from earlier going away finally. Even if this was just a short state of bliss, he was grateful for it anyway.

“You really want me to answer that or would you just prefer me to keep sucking your dick?” you sassed while you kitten licked his tip. You watched from the end of the bed as Tom bucked his hips into your mouth to try and get more contact from your lips but you pulled away from him and just kept licking his tip.

God, you were good, Tom thought to himself.

‘K-keep going,” Tom finally breathed out, flinging his head against the pillow to brace for the impact.

Hollowing your cheeks, you pushed yourself all the way down his cock. Your tongue flicking the base in between as you began to feel him throb inside of your mouth. You could tell he was close so you moaned softly into his cock, watching as Tom shuddered from the sensation you just sent through him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Tom cried out, moaning your name as he rutted his hips into your mouth. His pupils blacked as he felt the heat rising in his body, “Shit...I’m gonna cum, Y/N,” he warned as you pulled away, running your hand down his shaft as he began to come undone for you.

His warmth spilled out into your hand and down his cock while he let go finally. The stress somewhat leaving his body as it did yours while the euphoric high peaked for him. Your lips crashed against his while his tongue parted your lips to find yours, tangling them together as he moaned against your mouth while riding out his high finally.

You waited for Tom to catch his breath before you smiled against his lips, placing a small peck against them as you pulled away with an even bigger grin, “Yeah, you’re welcome,” you gave him the same arrogant tone he gave to you moments earlier before you pecked his lips again.

After taking some time to get yourselves together mixed with the continuous fooling around underneath the sheets, you and Tom finally decided to get up and end the night. Even though he didn’t want to leave, he knew he probably shouldn’t overstay. Primarily, Tom was adamant about never spending the night at a girl’s place that he slept with. That made things complicated and he didn’t want complicated. But since you and him had rules to not make things messy, he wasn’t sure if that applied to you. For now, he wanted to play it safe so he got himself dressed again.

You pulled on an oversized t-shirt, realizing both of your hair looked a mess. Luckily you were already home and Tom was down the hall so it didn’t really matter. You wanted to say something to Tom, that you were thankful he came by tonight. You were thankful even before sex was on the table. It felt nice to have him as an ally to swing by with a pizza when he didn’t even know you needed that.

“...is it weird to say I’m glad you came by?” you gestured towards your bedroom while you walked with him out into the kitchen where the half eaten pizza was left, “I know we haven’t really made too many rules about it but…” you trailed off with a nervous laugh as you smiled at him awkwardly.

“Like we said, zero weirdness,” Tom reminded you as he padded his way over to you. He grabbed a leftover crust from the box and shoved it in his mouth, clearly starving already from the workout you had just given him. He smiled while he chewed lazily, his mouth still filled with pizza crumbs, “But I’m happy to come by when we have shit days...and make you cum as well,” he smirked deviously.

The door opened as you smiled back, “Doesn’t have to be just bad days, you know. We could...screw whenever we feel like it,” you told him, hoping that it wasn’t too much.

“Did you just say screw?” he whipped his head towards you with a loud laugh.

“Alright then, I guess I’ll just leave you to the girls who leave you unsatisfied then,” you fought back.

Tom leaned against the door with his mouth gaped open, “They do not...leave me...unsatisfied?” he questioned himself, knowing that that was true, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

“Then why are you here?” you placed a hand on your hip, feeling the smile pulling at your lips while you messed around with him. You certainly weren’t in this mood earlier before Tom came around.

Pressing his lips together, Tom rolled his eye at you, “Fine...we can screw...whenever,” he leaned in closer to you with his eyes big as he mimicked your voice when you said it, “As long as we keep this thing strictly what we intended, you can use me whenever you need, Y/N,” and he meant it.

You didn’t back away when he sealed his words with a soft kiss, paired with his trademark grin. Tom pulled away slowly, taking in the moment as he wished you a goodnight quietly before kissing you against the cheek, “Like I said, best friend I ever had,” he said softly once again.

“Am I interrupting something?” A voice broke from behind the two of you. Both of your eyes widened towards each other as you both simultaneously pivoted your heads towards the staircase where the voice was coming from.

Tom closed his eyes with a groan, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to ignore Harrison staring at the two of you with a crooked grin. Making it known to Tom that explaining this was going to be a lot tougher than he had imagined.

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#tom holland #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland smut #heyhihellowhatsup0

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mc-lukanette · 3 years

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Marinette tried not to be obvious with her annoyance, but it was difficult when she knew that Lila had come to the Liberty specifically to irritate her. It wasn't even her paranoia creeping up, as Lila had made it clear from their first day of face-to-face interaction that she wanted to make Marinette's life miserable. The worst part was that everyone else either believed her or tolerated her, meaning Marinette looked unreasonable no matter what she did to combat it.

She figured she should've known that Luka would be Lila’s next target. The Liberty had always felt like somewhat of a safe haven - funny, considering who owned it - so it had only been a matter of time until Lila had heard enough to decide to show up there.

"Oh, she seemed so curious to actually be on a houseboat! She's only ever been on yachts and stuff before! How could we say 'no'?

Marinette tried to keep her lips shut tight so the gritting of her teeth wasn't seeable to anyone. The best she could do was watch from afar and keep any unkind comments internal while vaguely fantasizing about being Ladybug and dumping Lila in the garbage where she belonged.

Luka, to his credit, didn't seem to take Lila's bait like everyone else. She'd sought him out and he technically listened to her (as she lied about all the music people she knew and all the connections she could give him), but he was mostly occupied with tuning his guitar, only giving her a vague noise every now and then to signal that he was listening.

It was one of Marinette's few joys of the day, which made it twice as infuriating when Lila ruined it.

"Anyway, Luka," Lila added, her voice saccharine and fake, "I really hope you and I can become great friends."

Luka's eyebrow twitched.

"And don't worry, I would never force you. I know there are some people like that, who want to make everything go their way—"

Marinette knew it was a jab at her even though she definitely wasn't that kind of person; from Lila's point of view though, of course she'd think that.

Lila continued, "but I'd never do that to you, okay? I promise!"

For the first time since she'd been talking to him, Luka turned to her, his expression somewhere between neutral and the annoyance he showed at listening to XY's "version" of Kitty Section's music. "Can you please—"

He didn't get to finish that sentence, as Lila suddenly leaned in to kiss him. Luka jerked away the moment it registered with him, but it was already too late; the contact had been made.

All the anger that had been stewing in Marinette's stomach bubbled to the surface. She stormed over, her body language confrontational as she asked, "What do you think you're doing?!"

The outburst had gotten the attention of the other girls. Though they hadn't seen it, what happened was obvious given the way Luka was covering his mouth.

Lila turned to face Marinette, sinking to that vulnerable state she used so much whenever she got caught. "I-I didn't mean to! I meant to kiss his cheek and he turned too quickly."

It was a lie, and Marinette knew it. Lila had intentionally said things to make Luka look at her so she could kiss him, all to irritate Marinette.

"You see..." Lila pressed her palm to her cheek. "I-I thought a cheek kiss would be okay. You don't seem like the type of person who would be close to someone like him, and everyone told me that you do it all the time."

Marinette was fuming at the implication, feeling personally insulted at the idea that she and Luka weren't close.

And they'd told her. Her friends had been gossiping about her to Lila, or at least telling her details, which Marinette herself had definitely not consented to.

She went to toss a glare her friends' way, but they were already rushing forward to assure Lila that everything was okay, with Marinette having to step away or risk getting knocked back with the way they formed around her.

"M-maybe I need to re-learn French customs. I spent so long away from the country and other places have—"

Marinette wasn't listening anymore. She knew how this went and didn't want to be around to see another repeat of it, nor her friends potentially shouting at her. She turned away with a frustrated exhale, speed-stomping away and going up the stairs to head outside.

Passing by the cabin, she went into the greenhouse-esque area with all of the larger plants, plopping down on the long flower-patterned seating with a heavy sigh. She'd fallen right into Lila's trap, again, and couldn't help being angry at the whole situation.

Going after her was one thing, but Luka? And to kiss him like that on top of trying to lure him in with her deceit? Marinette knew deep down that she had a right to be upset at Lila's actions, but the way she reacted to it just ended up making Lila look like the victim instead of Luka. Had she failed him?

She groaned into her clasped hands, imagining that Luka must've thought that she looked like a fool shouting like that. She liked to think that she would've done things differently had she been able to do it again, but she was still angry and honestly just wanted to go off on Lila again.

She didn't move, though briefly considered going home. After all, it'd be pointless going back downstairs, as she'd probably just end up being glared at and blamed for Lila being upset. Luka probably didn't want to see her either after that display anyway.

As if her concerns had summoned him, she suddenly heard his voice call out to her from nearby. "Marinette?"

She stiffened, then lowered her hands enough to peek at him. When none of the negative emotions she expected showed on his face, she lowered them the rest of the way.

"Are you okay?" he asked gently.

She straightened, jaw slack that's that what he was concerned about. "Am I okay? What about you?!" She gestured wildly to him. "That—that akuma-luring harpy just kissed you!"

She realized what she said and covered her mouth, knowing that it was a much more direct insult than she usually would've gone with. Luka, however, tried to suppress a laugh from it, snorting loudly into his hand.

"I—" He cut himself off, still chuckling too much to speak. After a few seconds, he took a breath to calm down, then gave her a calm smile and continued, "I washed my mouth out, just to make sure."

Marinette tried to keep her negative emotions at the forefront, but then she was trying to suppress her laughter as well. She almost felt bad about it, but the wide grin on Luka's face showed that he'd fully intended for her to have that reaction. He walked over, taking a seat down next to her and leaning forward to maintain eye contact.

He waited until she quieted herself down with a final squeak that he asked again, "Really, are you okay?"

The smile she had on from laughter faded, though her spirits were still much higher than before. "Not really. She—she's always doing that." She glanced at him. "Let me guess, they're catering to her?"

He nodded. "They're planning on having lunch without you since you—" He made a face, clearly displeased. "—'made her so upset.'" He stared out of the glass opposite of them. "I wasn't going to join them."

"You didn't have to do that," she said, though her voice was soft from being touched by the gesture.

He gave her a smile. "I know, but I'd rather have lunch with you than with everyone else and that—" He smirked. "—'harpy.'"

Marinette tried to bite back a smile of her own, but couldn't. Hearing the pure-hearted Luka say an insult so brazenly, even if he was just parroting her own, was too funny not to smile at.

"Thanks~" she said gratefully.

"I should be thanking you," he argued. He leaned back in his seat, but didn't stop looking at her. "For being so upset on my behalf."

She blushed, looking away with both shyness and embarrassment. "I-I was really loud though."

"You play your song for everyone to hear, Marinette. I love that about you."

She blushed deeper, mentally cursing his smoothness. "How are you so okay with this?"

"I'm not," he replied, "not really, but..." He shrugged. "That kiss didn't mean anything to me. It wasn't real."

She looked over at him, frowning. "T-that was your first though, wasn't it?"

His brows rose in surprise, his face telling her everything she needed to know even before he responded. "...Well, yeah."

Now that she'd had it officially confirmed, Marinette bristled. "It's not right!" She huffed and turned to him, throwing her arms out. "Your first kiss is supposed to be special and with someone you really love! It's not supposed to just be stolen from you like that!"

He touched a hand to his chest, clearly touched by her passionate anger. She turned red and forced herself to look away from him, finding it hard to stay angry when he stared at her that way.

"...And I know you were already pretty upset with her, I could see it," she explained, "so it wasn't like I felt like I had to get angry for you, but still. She doesn't care what anyone thinks and I'm mad at her for kissing you like that and I'm mad at me because she only did it to get on my nerves and I know I shouldn't be mad at me because she's just mad that I won't fall for her lies but I'm mad anyway because I still let her rile me up when that's exactly what she wanted." Burying her face in her hands, she whined and added, "I guess I wasn't jealous at least - not in that way anyway - since I'd never want to do anything to you without your permission like she did, but I know she meant for me to get to jealous because I just—"

She cut herself off, the words clogging up her throat and forcing her to swallow them. She raked her fingers through her hair, mentally debating with herself if she really wanted to tell Luka everything.

But of course she did. Not only did he deserve it, but she felt responsible for her feelings and it was her fault that things happened the way they did, even if it was indirect on her part.

"I..." She closed her eyes and sighed, her voice lowering itself to a whisper. Hunching over, she wrung her hands together and admitted quietly, "I wanted to be your first kiss..."

Silence took over the conversation from there, but she understood. She just dropped a bomb on him and couldn't expect him to reply right away, so she let the seconds drag on without any judgment on her part.

Eventually, she heard the sound of Luka sliding himself closer, so close that the side of his hand briefly touched her leg. He inhaled softly like he was about to speak, stopped, then tried again.

"You... you what?"

She steeled herself up, the words only slightly easier to say than before. "I wanted to be your first kiss. I-I'm selfish, and I know that. Everyone knows it, and that's why—"

His hand touched her leg again. She briefly jumped in surprise, then realized moments later that the touch was intentional this time, as he'd fully settled his hand on her leg. Fighting against her nerves, she turned to look at him and saw how relaxed his expression was.

"You can be selfish."

"W-what?"

"It makes me happy. It means that—" He paused, his cheeks tinting pink as he smiled wide. "—you really want me."

It almost sounded like a question the way he said it, his eyes distant only in a way that implied that he's still absorbing what she'd said.

Her chest filled with hope as she squeaked out, "I...I do. Of course I do." Looking down at the hand on her lap, she placed her own onto it and gave it a squeeze. "But..."

The hope twisted and fought with the shame attempting to take its place, memories of the past coming back to haunt her. She averted her gaze fully, staring off at nothing in particular. "I-I can't give you my first kiss." She squeezed his hand tighter, as if that made anything better. "There was this akuma, and I had to... I mean—"

She felt his hand shifting in hers and immediately worried that she'd squeezed it too hard. She loosened her grip, only to feel his hand turn itself around to hold her hand back, pressing their palms together. The motion made her look back and make eye contact with him.

"Then that wasn't real either, was it?" he asked gently. Giving a fond glance down at their joined hands, he added, "This might be more Rose's type of music than mine, but I think the only kisses that have to matter are the ones that you put meaning into playing."

She gaped. It was still registering with her that he was not only okay with her crushing on him, but still returned it. "S-so... it's not any different? You'd let me kiss you anyway?"

"I never thought about first kisses or second kisses, or any verses beyond that," he told her, placing his other hand on top of their joined ones. "I only care about your kisses."

Marinette's cheeks turned crimson, and she nearly burst into happy laughter. She settled for beaming at him, still amazing at how easily he could ease all of her worries and doubts.

"Then... I'll give you all of them."

She shifted, continuing to hold his hand while her other went to his face. He leaned into her touch, making her all the more eager to pull him in. He didn't protest when she did, his hand moving away from their joined ones to grab her shoulder.

They kissed. Marinette was momentarily surprised when Luka's lips seemed to have a hint of wetness to them, only to realize that he'd meant it when he said that he'd washed his mouth out. She giggled mid-kiss, positively delighted to have someone like him, and he responded to the sound with a soft noise of content. She stroked his cheek with her thumb, then slid her hand down to his neck to urge him closer. He did the same with her shoulder, pulling her in and deepening the contact.

It took a few seconds of internal debate for her to convince herself to break the kiss to talk to him, and she enjoyed the slight whine he made as she did so.

"Better than Lila?" she asked, knowing the answer but wanting to hear it regardless.

"Definitely," he replied without hesitation, leaning in to touch his forehead to hers.

She hummed. "Mm, good." She pulled him back in for a smaller, quicker kiss that was no less loving than the last. Full of confidence, she felt it safe to say, "I should always be playing my boyfriend's favorite song."

His reaction was immediate, his eyes sparkling and his smile wide. She blushed red, overwhelmed and half-regretting saying anything. He was just too much.

"What is it?" he asked when she averted her gaze.

"P-please stop smiling like that," she whined.

"I can't," he said. More to himself than her, he added cheerfully, "I'm your boyfriend."

"Luka!"

#lukaneventte: No Context November #Flower Arrangement Shipping #Pro LukaMari #Lukanette

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thebeautyoffanfics · 3 years

Text

WAAAH I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE REQUEST TT^TT TO THE ANON WHO WISHED FOR THE TERU X READER, ANGST TO FLUFF, HERE IT ISS;; I'M SO SORRY;;;;;

teru minamoto x gn!reader

a/n: thank you so much for being patient and understanding, though I’m still so sorry for how long this took;;!! It really does mean a lot, so truly- thank you for that, and for the encouragement <3! But!! Of course, I’m a bit of a sucker for angst to fluff, tho I don’t write it too often, so I hope it turns out alright! Thank you so much for requesting, and for your encouragement!!! <3 <333

warnings: self deprecating thoughts..?

word count: 1,848

Your eyes drifted around the room. Person to person, conversation to conversations. Yet, you sat at your desk, lunch in front of you, completely alone. You had a boyfriend, yes, but you didn’t even know where on earth he could be… no, he usually sat with you during lunch. However, today he walked up to you, announcing that he had to attend to something during lunch. He asked if you could eat your lunch without him today, and… well, who were you to say no?

The bell rang, and your lunch remained barely touched. You were sure you wouldn’t have been so dramatic normally- however, it felt as if Teru was practically avoiding you at this point. In fact, it almost felt like he was ditching you for someone else. The thought was enough to make you feel nauseous- both because of it being unpleasant, and because you felt bad for simply thinking it. Teru was a good person. You wouldn’t have fallen for him if he wasn’t. Still, he was only human… and, in your head, there were many other humans out there much more fit for Teru. She was one of them.

Her hair flowed alongside her. Her skin was practically flawless. Her teeth weren’t crooked, and her smile was… frankly, flawless. Good grades, good body, good personality. A lovely match for the prince of the school. A princess suited just for him.

Yet, he seemed to stick with the… well- what was the opposite of a princess? A… troll? You did suppose that, compared to someone like that, a troll was a fair enough comparison. Nothing but a creature in the face of such beauty.

The worst part, you were sure, was the fact that Teru did spend time with her. In fact, you were confident that she “needed him” for something during lunch, causing him to miss out on yet another thing. As if grabbing his attention after school during club activities wasn’t enough. As if going to him constantly to ask for help on things you were positive she was perfectly good at. Her grades were nearly as good as his… was it because he helped her? In that case, why were your grades still lower…? Teru helped you study plenty of times- and, while your grades did get better, you were sure you couldn’t get all 99s and 100s. It was impossible for someone who couldn’t be any form of royalty.

You leaned over, placing your lunch back into the box, then shoving the box into your bookbag. Once you sat up, the classroom door was pushed open- as it usually was. It was right after lunch, after all. However, when you saw two familiar people step in, you began to wish that the door never opened. If only it had been locked- if only someone got distracted. If only you looked down just a bit longer. But, it was done- there was no going back, no need to go back, on such a tiny detail.

In stepped the “Princess”, the “Prince” following her- he even held the door open. It was a basic act of chivalry, yes, but the lack of it around you only made him that much more like a prince… Yes, he wasn’t kind to just you. He treated everyone with kindness, as a normal person should. That little act shouldn’t have made you feel that twinge of jealousy- of doubt- spark in your mind.

“(Y/N), were you able to enjoy lunch?” Teru asked, taking a seat next to you. At least he was still acknowledging you.

“Mmh… I’m not really hungry, haha.”

His eyebrows furrowed slightly, concern crossing onto his beautiful features.

“Are you feeling alright? I don’t want you to wind up hungry later…”

Of course, the concern on his face was no longer in your direction- his expression changing slightly as the unfortunately familiar girl called his name. Though she spoke to him, his eyes drifted in your direction several times.

“Teru, I was wondering if you could let me borrow your notes from second hour? The teacher was speaking so fast, ahaha~. I don’t know how you keep up, really!”

“Oh? Of course, I don’t mind. If you’d please return them when you’re done though,” Teru spoke, grabbing a notebook from his bag, then handing them to her. He’d surely let you borrow his notes too, so… she wasn’t special. Though it was a bit surprising that someone that bright couldn’t keep up with the teacher’s far-too-fast method of teaching. When you opened your mouth to make a comment you already knew you shouldn’t, the teacher entered, as if prompting you to keep your emotions in check.

The rest of the day passed nearly the same as the first half did. Teru’s attention constantly elsewhere, though he did seem to at least try to keep it on you. Hey, you were used to that much… everyone wanted his attention. You couldn’t be the one to deny them of it. Yes, it was normal. That’s what you told yourself, as you stepped into the hallway, making your way towards the student council room. Finally, you’d have a chance to be with Teru, no one out to beg for his attention. Well- Akane would be there, but- honestly, you were plainly aware of his… distaste towards your boyfriend. Really, you didn’t mind it. At least it was someone not trying to take any attention you got at school away from you.

“Yeah! With the way that girl seems to be all over him! I think they’re dating?”

“No, no, isn’t he dating (Y/N)?”

“I think he was? But, he doesn’t really seem to spend as much time with her, you know.”

You shut your locker, the sound echoing much louder than you thought you intended. The conversation ceased, as the two engaged in it glanced in your direction, one muttering some profanity under their breath. Still, you picked up your bag, not wanting to drag two strangers into your personal business. All you had to do was establish that you were the one dating Teru, right? And the first step was… making sure Teru still wanted to date. Despite how you tried to calm and reassure yourself as your legs carried you quickly to the school council room, you could feel a mix of frustration, fear, sadness, and insecurity bubbling up in your stomach. Why was he spending so much time with her? Was she better than you? Did he like her more than you? Of course, how could someone like him choose you…? If you were in his shoes, you were sure you’d pick the other girl…

Soon, you stood in front of the room. Though you reached for the doorknob confidently at first, you froze once your hand was about to rest on it. Nerves were practically eating at you, your heart racing so quickly that you felt dizzy. Heck- when was the last time you were this nervous? When was the last time your emotions ran this rampant?

Gathering your emotions as best as you could, you opened the door.

“(Y/N), good afternoon,” Teru greeted, giving you his usual, sweet smile. Did he smile at the other girl like that?

You didn’t want to lose that smile…

“Teru,” You muttered, voice cracking a bit as tears finally filled your eyes. Instantly, those smiling eyes of his were filled with concern. He was so easily concerned for you. Did he worry for her that easily?

“(Y/N)? What happened-? What’s wrong?” He questioned, standing up and rushing over towards you. Once you noticed that Akane hadn’t arrived yet, Teru reached behind you, one arm resting on your shoulder as he locked any potential intruders out. He knew you wouldn’t want anyone to bother you, if something was upsetting you enough to cry like this in front of him.

“Teru, do you still want to be with me?”

“What? (Y/N), of course-” “Be honest, Teru. If you don’t wanna, then don’t lie to me, please. I understand. I’m not as pretty as her- and I’m not as smart, I know. And she’s popular, like you. And she can talk to people easily, and she’s fit, and thin, and she’s got a pretty, normal smile… a-and I know I’m nothing like her, so I understand. She and I are complete opposites, Teru, so I’m positive she’s more your type.”

“(Y/N), calm down,” Teru spoke, both of his hands now resting on your shoulders, thumbs moving comfortingly. “I don’t know who you’re talking about, but I assure you-”

“You’ve been skipping on things we’ve done since we became friends to spend time with her, Teru. Just today, the two of you spent time together during lunch-”

“Her? (Y/N), darling, you’re joking.”

Your eyes filled further with tears, as you shook your head in frustration. “I’m not joking, Teru!”

“(Y/N), please, sweetheart. Calm down, let me explain, alright? Here, let’s sit down?”

Teru led you to a chair, sitting you in it carefully, then crouching next to you, his hands holding both of yours.

“She’s just trying to get some extracurricular things done, relating to her education. Yes, when she needs help, which I’ll admit has been frequently lately, I told her to go to me. I wasn’t expecting her to need this much help, but I didn’t want to go back on my word. Here, if you’d like, I’ll explain to her that I’m a bit too busy to help all the time. I’ll get Akane to step in a bit, is that alright?”

You sniffled, thinking about what he said. Still, as you processed it, you nodded. Poor Akane indeed, but… you felt slightly relieved.

“Next, you know you’re more my type than anyone, (Y/N). Really, sweetie, I only show her basic human kindness. Even when she gets irritating… with you, I never feel annoyed or irritated. Plus, I can actually express how I feel around you- listen, would I admit to anyone else that I find one of our classmates annoying at times?”

“I’m sure you’d tell anyone how you felt about Akane,” You joked lightheartedly, laughing to yourself. Teru’s slight smile grew to a grin, as he closed his eyes.

“Mmm, maybe? But he’s a different story. Still, I love you, (Y/N). You’re plenty smart- and, if you don’t think so, then who cares? Your lack of confidence in yourself means I get to help you study- and you always end up doing just fine. You’re more than plenty gorgeous- I love everything about you. Your smile, your hair, your skin, your body type, anything and everything. You’re perfect, (Y/N). Perfect for the world, and absolutely perfect for me.”

This time, when you felt your eyes get watery, they weren’t tears of sadness or worry. When you hugged Teru, sniffling lightly once again, he could feel you smile against his shoulder.

“I’m sorry for assuming things, Teru-”

“Ah-ah. No need to apologize, (Y/N). Really, you have no reason to apologize… you’re fine, darling.”

#x reader #gn!reader #anon #x gn!reader #tbhk #jshk #toilet bound hanako kun #jibaku shounen hanako kun #teru minamoto #tbhk x reader #jshk x reader #toilet bound hanako kun x reader #jibaku shounen hanako kun x reader #teru minamoto x reader #oneshot

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earthstellar · 3 years

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Transformers Medical Analysis Essay: What are Cybertronians Made Of? [Part One: Nanites and Human Equivalents]

This is gonna be long, for which I apologise.

PLEASE NOTE: We will be discussing some actual real world blood stuff here; Nothing gross, just some basics to provide a human comparison for the Cybertronian stuff, and I have used my own blood test results below to help explain these comparisons to you. If you might find any real world medical content gross or potentially upsetting, please skip this post, as I don’t want to upset anyone! <3

Here we go!

What Cybertronians Are Made Of, Part One: Nanites

Nanites are mentioned throughout various TF media and franchises, although they seem to differ mildly between each application/description somewhat.

This makes nanites a good starting point, as we know that at least all Cybertronians/Camiens/etc. have some kind of self-repair function, and this is stated to be either nanites or a multi-system function that includes nanites as a key part of maintaining health and wellbeing.

In Beast Wars, we get the most detail on certain medical and physiological aspects of nanites, with the nanites inherent to the composition of a Cybertronian body providing part of the basic structure of the protoform, as well as displaying the ability to undergo mutation (similar somewhat to human cell mutations) which allow for the process of Transmetalisation.

Nanites seem to have many significant functions in the Cybertronian body across multiple TF franchise canons, from being a fundamental construction element, to functioning like human stem cells, to behaving as an immune system in the capacity of self-repair nanites.

We will focus specifically on self-repair nanites here, as it is sometimes implied in different TF canons that there may be multiple types of nanites present in the Cybertronian body.

Comparing Self-Repair Nanites to a Human Equivalent: Full Blood Count

We can reasonably compare Cybertronian nanites to human cells, as we can think of these nanites as serving the same purpose as several different cell types in human bodies.

In regards to Cybertronian self-repair nanites, the most obvious human comparisons would be immune system cells/proteins like macrophages, lymphocytes, mast cells, and Cytokines.

Five types of white blood cells/leukocytes will appear in the blood generally speaking, and you can see these listed on any Full Blood Count (FBC) blood test.

To illustrate this, I actually just recently did a few blood test panels on myself, so I have included my own FBC results for you to check out here:

The five blood test results I want you to focus on are the following, which are the white blood cells I marked in orange/red above:

Neutrophils

Lymphocytes (B and T Cells)

Monocytes

Eosinophils

Basophils

(You might notice that I have a few mildly OOR (out of range) results above; This is because I have Haemoglobin Barts and I am also undergoing HRT, so please don’t be too concerned!)

If any of these results are elevated (high/out of range on the upper end), it can help indicate all kinds of things, from whether or not you’ve had an infection or cold/flu recently, to being used as part of identifying possible autoimmune disorders in conjunction with other more specific tests like an Antinuclear Antibody (ANA) blood test as part of diagnostics for Lupus or Sjogren’s Syndrome, among other conditions.

We can safely assume that self-repair nanites may be similarly used as part of certain Cybertronian medical diagnostic processes; We will probably only be able to verify this in canon once Hasbro finally listens to me and gives us a Med Bay focused series.

Note for any of you who might be non-clinical medical staff dealing with blood results: Basophils have a tendency to essentially self-destruct in a blood sample that has taken a little longer than usual to get processed in the lab, so don’t freak out immediately if this result appears out of range at first. Remember to check the time the sample was drawn and compare it to the time the sample was actually processed! Obviously, raise it as a potential concern anyway, if you are unsure.

Why This is Relevant to Cybertronian Medicine and Physiology: Mechanical Lifeforms Are Complex, But in Some Ways, Not Really (Compared to Humans)

Just like human beings have our various immune system cells and proteins, Cybertronians clearly have self-repair nanites as a way to carry out some degree of constant natural defence against both casual and serious damage.

HOWEVER.

Whereas humans generally have the five primary white blood cell types which are the “usual” ones we check for in fairly routine blood tests like Full Blood Counts, it seems that Cybertronians have one universal primary white blood cell equivalent (self-repair nanites) that serve the functions of various immune system cells and proteins in human bodies.

To use computer engineering phrasing in reference to human functions, this is (to some degree) essentially biological built-in triple modular redundancy. Multiple types of cells within the immune system in humans all help individually and collectively to identify, locate, track, capture, learn about, and eliminate contaminants or foreign entities like bacteria, among other functions.

Cybertronians, however, are extremely physically complex in other ways, but their basic structure and core components seem to be fairly minimal based on what we see in canon across the board; They only have self-repair nanites, a single type of nanite, to fulfil all of these varied and complex immune system analogous functions. They only have this singular line of natural defence.

(This assumption is based on purely what we see in canon; If there are other self-repair dedicated functions, these are not as universally mentioned or mentioned at all in TF media canon, or where they are implied, they are not well defined.)

While this may still be the most ideal possible natural or innate design for Cybertronian physiology, it is still, of course, essentially a single point of failure (as engineering terminology seems appropriate here), and a pretty serious one at that.

Now, human immune systems can get all kinds of messed up anyway, and having more types of cells/nanites doesn’t necessarily eliminate a lot of those problems or risks and likely wouldn’t for Cybertronians either if they may have similar potential health concerns, but my point is that the Cybertronian immune system equivalent is extremely simplistic in comparison, which is in contrast with most other aspects of Cybertronian physiology.

While they do use the plural form, “self-repair nanites”, which could imply the presence of multiple specific self-repair nanite types within the Cybertronian body, this is not specified, and this is never elaborated upon in any TF media to my knowledge. It seems that the use of the plural form refers only to there being many self-repair nanites in the body, rather than multiple types of self-repair nanite.

Having a single line of immune defence has potentially serious implications in-universe; Just like human beings, Cybertronians may be able to experience problems with their immune systems ranging from potentially serious and chronic autoimmune issues, to being more prone to catching illnesses due to mild immunosuppression caused by chronic processor overload (chronic stress) or inability to recharge/infrequent recharge (insomnia), or possibly even autoimmune responses (see the section on rusting, below, for one theory I have about what may be a canonical example of this).

This may vary significantly from series to series as well anyway, but we don’t have a lot of canonical medical information to work with about any of this, so this is all conjecture.

Especially given the conditions of war, it may be difficult for Cybertronians to maintain fully functional self-repair nanites, as it is often the case across nearly all TF media that the bots are usually working with minimal supplies and/or sustaining severe and repeated damage, which provides ample opportunity for natural bodily processes to go wrong in addition or as a result of any external causes of damage.

Do their self-repair nanites suffer from chronic low fuel levels, which particularly in TFP is a constant concern?

Ratchet even mentions in the episode Stronger, Faster:

Ratchet: “If one of you comes back wounded this time, well, our energon levels are nearly depleted.”

While this may be in reference to concerns around lack of spare energon for transfusion purposes (as energon is treated like both blood and fuel in TFP), we know that it is generally used as supplementary to other medicines/treatments/medical procedures as well, although these are not defined clearly.

It’s certainly possible that the risk of low fuel levels includes impeded nanite function, and considering that symptoms of low fuel in Cybertronians seem similar to exhaustion/fatigue/starvation in humans, it’s reasonable to assume that yes, running on strictly rationed levels of fuel for prolonged periods of time likely impacts their self-repair functions.

This has further implications for dealing with everything from exposure to potential pathogens on other planets that may affect them, to recovering from any necessary surgical procedures or battle wounds.

And, a very good point to make: Under the assumption that there is only one type of self-repair nanite, it may be possible to take a sample of these nanites from a living Cybertronian and reverse-engineer it; Biological weapons are known to exist in canon, and have been used to spectacularly horrific effect, particularly in IDW 2005/Sins of the Wreckers, if I recall correctly.

What if someone finds a way to simply “shut down” these self-repair nanites?

What if someone finds a way to, for example, create a biological weapon that induces an immediate autoimmune response, similar to a cytokine storm in humans?

Which brings us to...

Self-Repair Nanites, Autoimmune Responses, and Rusting: My Theory

Cytokines are a part of the human body’s immune response, and are proteins that essentially help to moderate an immune response. If these proteins get out of control, a cytokine storm can result.

We see a cytokine storm like effect when Cybertronians suffer from Cosmic Rust, which may trigger what appears to be a type of self-repair nanite storm; This might be the real reason for the rapid corrosion caused by the Cosmic Rust.

Rather than being a feature of the rust itself, it may be the case that the rust upon infecting a Cybertronian may elicit such a strong response from the nanites present in the body that it induces a sudden overwhelming and indiscriminate response from the self-repair nanites, thus causing the Cybertronian body to devour itself:

The self-repair nanites in such a “storm” would not discriminate between healthy metals and rusted metals, and instead surge towards eliminating ALL metals.

This would mean that Cosmic Rust kills primarily by inducing a severe acute autoimmune response, but since we have no actual information on the mechanics of Cosmic Rust (or how it compares to normal rust which seems to occur naturally and seems to present as a somewhat common and relatively low risk issue for Cybertronians), I can’t say this for certain.

I hope this has been interesting for someone, and if you actually stuck with me and read all of this, thank you very much for putting up with me!!!! <3

#transformers #maccadam #transformers animated #transformers prime #tfa #tfp #rodimus #ratchet #tf ratchet #long post #cybertronian medicine #transformers lore #transformers essay #transformers medicine #tfp ratchet

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demonslayedher · 3 years

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Sorry to hear about the practice test! Honestly, those details sound ridiculous. I hope you're remembering to take breaks and stay well hydrated ^^

While I'm here, I wanted to ask you what you thought about Muzan and Rui's relationship. Personally, I feel Muzan might have had a soft spot for him because they both grew up sick. I wish we could have seen Muzan interact with the Lower Moons (and others in general). But in another reality where we did get such fleshed out relationships, what do you think it'd be like?

Thank you, I agree, this nerd test is a bit ridiculous, but I am a bit ridiculous. And hydrated now, thank you! As for Muzan having a soft spot for Rui, I am so here for this interpretation. (And I have drawn silly interactions for them before, tee hee hee.)

A lot of people have pointed out that Muzan may have felt sympathy for Rui due to also having been born sickly, though I have analyzed Muzan as only being able to see his own interests and therefore may not had pitied Rui, persay. However, that clear aversion to disease, and Muzan's (perhaps frequent) offer to give dying people a way to overcome it, has also led me to think that Muzan & Yushiro could had gotten along really, really well if Muzan had gotten to Yushiro before Tamayo did. Muzan does, after all, have likes and dislikes among his demons (some clear favoritism is at play with demons who are obedient or useful or stroke his ego in whatever way suits his mood), especially the ones with the highest concentration of his blood, the Twelve Moons. A factoid from the first fanbook tells us:

"Muzan was the one who named the Twelve Moon demons. He's been searching for someone with cells capable of mastering the sun, so he's generally been looking for people with qualities to their blood and body types different from the demons he's made so far, but he also wants strong demons, so he tends to aim for people with similar physicality to the demons who managed to become Upper Moons."

It's a little ambiguous whether that simply means he came up with the "Twelve Moons" term (which I find obvious that he would had been the one to do that), or if he personally gave names to the demons who were powerful enough for him to pay any attention to them. With that being the case, it's interesting to see where he chose to change someone's name and where he didn't, like, "Ume? No. We'll call her Daki. Excuse me, did I hear you talking back, what is your name? Gyutaro? Oh, that's funny, I like that, you can keep that," or "Michikatsu? Ha. No. You're Kokushibo now. Glad you like it." Rui, however, still has the name his parents called him. And, Rui initially got to keep living his somewhat normal life with them until it came crashing down, and Muzan came to collect him. When Muzan meets Rui, he's all alone, dressed in Western attire. He would have long established his Twelve Moons by then, however many rounds the Lower Moons have already been through. If we read into Tamayo's comments about how she wanted to live long enough to see her children grow old, we might guess that she was also sick, and Muzan has turned sick people into demons before. He tends to lose interest in turning certain types of people into demons once he sees what happens, like how one experiment with a Breath user was enough to satisfy him, and one attack on a charcoal-raising family was enough to see if that would be what it takes to master the sun. There wouldn't have been much incentive to enter the room of a sick little boy, all alone, especially one who he intends to leave there with the rest of his family unscathed. All he says is, "How pitiful. I'll save you." And maybe, maybe he really only meant to do that. If that's the case, my bet is that it was a passing whim, not a strong pull to this boy, but then when it didn't pan out, he felt he had to go back and finish what he started. After all, that boy did become a strong demon, he was useful. So strong, in fact, that it wouldn't had made sense for him not to be one of the Twelve Moons, however low his position. Rui didn't have much ambition in the first place, and he and Muzan both seemed pleased with the stagnant Lower Moon Five position for him. Rather than put pressure on him like he put on the other Lower Moons, he gave Rui leniency to share his unique demon cells (something which could potential lead to a demon gaining influence against Muzan), and allowed him to keep playing house. After all, as much as Muzan might not care about things like family or weak human parents, he might recognize that his actions were what led to Rui losing what he cared about more than having a strong body. It's unlikely Muzan would had seen anyone else in the same light he saw himself even if he did see similarities between his past and Rui's; Rui is like a stray pet he took responsibility for.

This is really uncharacteristic of Muzan. He probably wouldn't have been open to anyone questioning his oddly merciful treatment of Rui, so when Rui's defeat upset that untouchable balance, that may have been part of why Muzan reacted so strongly. It was preemptive, so that no one would dare to think Muzan ever had tolerance for an unambitious demon. And if there was affection, Muzan probably doesn't even realize it. As for Muzan getting along with his moons in another reality, I still think he'd treat them all as dispensable tools, like in the 4-panel comic of Muzan telling Gyokko to go something and Gyokko laughs along with him like, "oh, but I'll be killed!" and Muzan's like, "yeah, I don't care" and Gyokko is all, "........" What I would love is a modern day AU in an office setting where all the Lower Moons are there and Muzan is the boss. There's office cliques and gossip and antics on the company clock and then as soon as they start getting unruly Muzan makes a threat to fire them and everything goes quiet again. Kokushibo and Nakime are pretty assured of job security, and even if he doesn't give him unearned promotions or anything like that, everyone notices that the boss speaks in an oddly kinder manner to the quiet boy with the moles who stays to himself in his cubicle of family photos.

#kibutsuji muzan #rui #kokushibo #kny fandom theories and meta #my art #my dumb art #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer

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alloftheimaginesblog · 3 years

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Life Without Colour (PART FIVE)

Soulmate AU: Your vision is in black and white until you meet your soulmate. You and your boyfriend, Steve Rogers, aren’t each others soulmates but you love each other. He introduces you to his friends, the Avengers, and a very odd thing happens.

Characters: Steve Rogers x Plus Size Female Reader, Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Female Reader

Note: ignore that i don’t even question bucky being able to get through security at the airport, i couldn’t think of how he would be able to get through the airport security bc of his metal arm so i’ve skipped that detail completely. i hope it doesn’t detract from the story!

this is nearly 6000 words!

Taglist: @domainoflostsouls forgetthisbull handon-h-art yourspecialcrush giulsgotmusic mrsbarnes-rogers luosymekawa linzeyzarcone forgetthisbull calamityreads talgra marina-darling btsforlif lamoursansfin classic1985 lovesicksofi fandomsfallnomore thebivirgin classygladiatorcupcake

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

PART FOUR

PART FIVE

PART SIX

Seconds turned to minutes and minutes turned to hours. You had long since stopped trying to figure out what state you were in and where you were headed. Bucky had been driving non-stop aside from two bathroom breaks at a small gas station in the middle of nowhere. You had stopped crying a long time ago, too drained and too tired to continue. You felt horrendous. You hated this, you absolutely hated this but you had no choice in the matter. The car had been silent for the whole way aside from the quiet chatter on the radio. Bucky hadn’t wanted to speak in fear of upsetting you further. He had been driving you out of state to go to an airport that would be a little harder to find. It had been Fury’s idea, to go to an airport that Hydra wouldn’t look for straight away. It gave you a little more time to get away without being watched.

You took a break from watching the blur of trees and roads to glance at the clock on the dashboard; 13:42. You hadn’t eaten yet, barely had anything to drink either and you knew that you weren’t far away from a dehydration migraine. As if on cue, your stomach rumbled loudly. Bucky, without speaking, reached behind his car seat and produced a rucksack and dumped it on your lap with a, “Here. There’s water and some snacks in there. We’ll get a proper meal when we’re at the airport.”

You dug through the bag, producing two bottles of water. You opened one and offered it to Bucky, he accepted with a nod, draining half before handing it back to you. You offered him a muffin but he shook his head. You dropped the bag to between your feet and began to have your water and muffin. It helped curb the hunger, at least for a while, and you felt a lot better once you had something in your stomach. After a while, you sank back into your seat with a yawn.

Bucky glanced over at you, “We’ve still got a few hours to drive, you can sleep if you want.” You looked at him and he gave you a small smile, “It’s okay. I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”

You thanked him quietly before closing your eyes. It didn’t take long before you fell asleep and your soft snores filled the car. Bucky looked at you for a couple of seconds, smiling to himself. Man, it’s gonna be a long few weeks.

It only felt like you’d closed your eyes for a few minutes when Bucky was saying your name, gently shaking your shoulder. Groggily, you opened your eyes to meet his blue eyes and it almost gave you a fright seeing them. Sometimes it still surprised you to see colour and especially when Bucky was around... colour seemed to be brighter and those deeper blue eyes seemed so bright in person.

“We’re here,” he said, pulling back quickly, not wanting to upset you by being too close. Bucky was very careful of boundaries, he always had been but especially after the Winter Soldier incidents. He knew what it felt like to not want to be touched or have your personal space invaded so he was always careful to not overstep.

“You’ve got the fake passports and stuff, don’t you?” You asked him, yawning and stretching in your seat.

He nodded and told you that they’re in his bag. In order to help the process of becoming anonymous, Fury had fake IDs and fake passports made for the two of you. They’d even gone so far as to create two new backstories for the pair of you just in case anyone ever questioned the pair of you. You and Bucky got out of the car, your legs ached from having sat in the car for hours upon hours. It was dark outside now, you didn’t know the time. Bucky grabbed the bags out of the car and handed you the two passports to hold. As you walked into the airport, you flicked to it. Miss Jane Smith and Mr John Smith. Two very common and obvious fake names but you hoped that it wouldn’t be picked up.

The check in process was much easier than you anticipated, the passports passed the ID checks and soon, the two of you were through security and heading for the food outlet. Bucky had told you to keep your head down for most of the time and to avoid direct eye contact with cameras. The airport was relatively quiet which was good in the sense you didn’t have to worry about people around you noticing Bucky. Bucky led you to a small café which was quiet and the two of you sat at the back. Everything was kind of passing in a blur and it only seemed like a few seconds until Bucky was back with your food.

You began to eat in silence and it was then you realised where you were going, “Estonia?” You asked quietly, making sure to not be overhead.

Bucky nodded as he took a bite of his burger, “Managed to find a secluded house, already furnished. The owner agreed to let us stay for a discounted price as well.”

“I’ve never been,” you shrugged, taking a bite of your food, “Where are we right now?”

“Pittsburg,” he said, glancing around the café to make sure no one was taking notice of the pair of you, “Steve thought it would be a good idea to leave from an airport a few hours away from New York. Hydra and Rumlow would check New York airports first once they realise you’re out of town.”

You smiled sadly as you looked down to your food. Leave it to Steve to think of everything. Bucky told you that the flight would be leaving in an hour and it would be a long ass flight but it was okay because you were exhausted and you could absolutely sleep for a good portion of the flight anyway.

You sighed, “When can I take this stupid disguise off? I’m so uncomfortable!”

Bucky studied you carefully, “When we’re in the safe house.”

“Do I look stupid? I feel stupid.”

“You look... different. Not bad just different,” he paused before speaking again, “I prefer you as you are though, without the wig, contacts and flashy clothes. I think you look much better when you’re being yourself.”

You didn’t know how to respond to that with anything other than a nod. It felt foreign and wrong to receive a compliment from him, even though it was a genuine, friendly compliment, it felt wrong. The two of you didn’t say much after that.

After eating, you and Bucky went to get some plane snacks. You grabbed some water and some treats, you also wandered to the book section and picked up a book. As you were walking to the books, you saw a little boy and girl pass wearing matching Captain America t-shirts. Your breath caught in your throat as you watched them pass. It seemed to hit you in that moment that this was real and this was truly happening.

“(y/n)?” Bucky asked appearing behind you.

You turned to him, “Sorry... I just can’t believe this is happening.”

Bucky nodded before gesturing to the check out, “Let’s get this all checked out and then hopefully we’ll be able to go to our departure gate.” He didn’t really know how to help you without overstepping or potentially upsetting you. He didn’t want you to get upset in public so he thought that he could keep you distracted and that would help ease your worries. It helped, having him there to guide you and distract you from possible sad thoughts helped a lot actually.

You found your airplane seats quick, the two of you were bang smack in the middle and you were both in a two seater section. Bucky let you go in first, saying that he preferred not to look out of the window when taking a flight. You sunk into it, keeping your head down and wrapping your arms around yourself to get warmer. As Bucky sat beside you, tapping his foot and his hand on the armrest impatiently, you looked at him curiously, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, “Just... not a big fan of flying.”

You pulled out the magazines which were in the pocket of the chair in front of you and handed him them, “I find that reading the safety procedures always helps. Also reading the magazine where you can just check out the meal deals and the perfume deals help a bit.”

Bucky took them off of you and began to flick through them. In the meantime, you closed your eyes. As the plane began to move, Bucky tensed beside you and you opened your eyes to look at him, his hands were clenched around the arms of the chair, jaw clenched too.

“Hey, show me that,” you said, sitting up straighter and pointing to the magazine. He looked at you and then handed it to you. Bucky had been helping you out by distracting you from being sad, the least you could do is distract him from being anxious. You leaned over, probably a little closer than you would’ve felt comfortable with in normal circumstances. Bucky stiffened as he smelled your perfume when you came closer. You took no notice of the closeness.

“Look at that!” You said, pointing to the menu that they were offering that night on the flight, “What would you have?” Bucky shrugged and you rolled your eyes, “C’mon. I’d have the chicken curry and the cheese and ham panini and then I would absolutely have the tiramisu afterwards. What about you?” You held it closer to him for him to study.

“Uh... I mean, I suppose the lasagne sounds nice. The breaded mushrooms too, I like those. Never had tiramisu but it sounds nice enough so I’d give that a go too.”

“No way,” you said shaking your head, “I would order the tiramisu and you would order the chocolate and raspberry mousse and we’d share them both.”

Bucky snorted slightly, “Sure thing, whatever you want.”

You flicked through more of the pages, “Ooooh,” you said noticing the deals on the perfumes, “I love airplane and airport deals. I only ever buy my perfume from duty free, honestly. No point in buying it full price anywhere else.”

“I still find it crazy that there’s a shop on an airplane.”

You nodded, “I mean, it’s pretty weird but I’m not complaining about the deals. Some of the stuff you can buy is so bizarre though. I was on this flight once, going on holiday with my family when I was younger, and they were selling t-shirts with a picture of the airplane we were in on them saying ‘I rode in this plane and all I got was this lousy t-shirt’.”

“That sounds like it’s a total dad shirt,” Bucky laughed slightly. He looked a lot younger when he smiled. He was always so stony and serious but when he smiled or laughed, it knocked years off him. He was already a handsome man but when he smiled, he was just... wow.

You burst out laughing as he said it, “My dad did buy it and he wore it so proudly!”

Bucky laughed with you, finding his nerves easing up as he spoke to you. He hadn’t had a chance to talk to you about anything other than the fact you were soulmates so it felt rather nice to talk to you on another level. It was still prettty strange but it was nice. Steve always told him that you were easy to get along with so he wasn’t too surprised. As you continued to chat, you gasped audibly when you came to the ‘collectibles and merchandise’ page, “There it is!”

“No way!” Bucky grinned as he looked down at the picture of the t-shirt exactly like the one you described, “Oh, god, it’s hideous.” The two of you lapsed into laughter again, talking and looking at it before Bucky happened to glance out of the window, “We’re in the air?”

You looked out, “Yeah, we took off about fifteen minutes ago actually.” Bucky breathed out an impressed laughter, “My distraction technique always works. Keep the mind occupied on something else like the ugliest t-shirts in the world.”

Bucky smiled, “Thank you and thanks to the ugliest t-shirt ever-” it was then that a man wearing the exact t-shirt you had been slating got up from the seat in front of you and shot you a dirty look as he walked past, “Oh, shit.” It was hard to keep your laughter in but somehow you both managed it.

As you calmed down, Bucky sighed, “No, really, thank you for that.”

You smiled as you handed him the magazines back and sunk back into your seat, “And now, I sleep.”

When you woke up a few hours later, you found yourself to be sitting alone with no Bucky Barnes in sight. You looked up to see a flight attendant coming down the aisle, “Excuse me,” you said with a smile, “do you know where the man sitting next to me went?”

She smiled, the same warm smile that every flight attendant has, “Yes, your husband is in the queue for the toilet, he should be back in a few minutes.”

You nodded, she went to leave when you caught her again, “Sorry, can you do me a favour?”

When Bucky came back, he was pleasantly surprised to see you sitting awake, smiling at him, “Good sleep?” You nodded, “Don’t worry, you didn’t snore... too loud.”

Your cheeks burned as he teased you, “Shove it, Barnes,” you scoffed, “I bought us a present.”

He frowned, “A present?”

You grinned as you held up two t-shirts, the exact same one that you both said was the ugliest shirt in the world, “No way!” He laughed, clapping his gloved hands together, “Oh my god, they’re worse in person.”

You laughed as you handed him his, “You’re so welcome. I will make us wear these at some point by the way, don’t think you’re getting out of it.” You’d never seen Bucky smile so wide with pure joy radiating from him. It was nice to see; it made you feel a lot better about the situation that was happening. You and Bucky hadn’t broached the subject of being the other’s soulmates, you actually really didn’t want to have that conversation anytime soon, but it was nice to know that at least you got on a little bit.

The fact that the pair of you were laughing so soon felt wrong. It felt like you were betraying Steve for merely getting along but it was nice. You were scared of what was going to happen and Bucky had been anxious about flying so the pair of you had nothing to do but talk to each other. Sure, it wasn’t a particularly interesting conversation but it was something. It was still a little awkward and a little weird at times but you could look past that for a few minutes to just appreciate the fact that Bucky was doing this.

Soon, you were curled back into your plane seat, your own jacket draped across you, “Thanks,” you said quietly as sleep began to take over, “for doing this for Steve. I know that it’s not ideal and I know you probably don’t want to be stuck with me for weeks. I appreciate it, Bucky.”

Bucky nodded and didn’t say anything. I’m not doing it for only Steve, I’m doing it for you too. He watched you for a moment longer before closing his own eyes and resting into his own seat.

The rest of the flight went by in a blur, you slept some more, read your book and ate some food. It wasn’t long before it was time to land and Bucky could not have been more happy than in the moment the wheels of the plane landed on the runway. The airport was a relatively quiet which meant that security and getting your bags was a lot faster than anticipated.

Soon, you were waiting with Bucky in line to get a rental car. To your surprise, when it was your turn to speak to the receptionist, Bucky slid a wad of cash over the counter, “I want a car to keep and I want it off book.”

The receptionist, who was a middle aged man with salt and pepper hair, eyed Bucky with narrow eyes and Bucky stared right back at him. You glanced between the two men wondering who would give up the staring contest first. After a pregnant pause, the receptionist shrugged and dug around in the drawer next to him before pulling out a car key, “Grey sedan in Lot C, registration plate ends with RUS. It’s old and a little worse for wear but for this price, best I can do.” He glanced from left to right before sliding the keys across the table. Apparently he seemed to accept the bribe. You raised your eyebrows, looking between the man and Bucky.

Bucky thanked him with a nod before taking the keys and picked up his and one of your bags before walking away with you in tow, “Wait,” you said quietly, rushing to keep up with him, “You just bought a car?!”

Bucky nodded, “We needed a car. This one will do for a while, keeps us off of the radar for a while.”

Finding the car was easy, the hard part was trying to keep up with Bucky. He took long, quick strides that were hard to keep up with. The car was parked alone in Lot C. It was a little old, with some dents and scratches in the doors from previous bumps and accidents and some of the paint had chipped but aside from that, it seemed to be fine. Bucky loaded the bags in the trunk before getting into the driver’s seat. You settled into your seat and Bucky said that it would be a forty minute drive but could do it in half the time if the road’s were quiet. Then, you both set off.

You couldn’t stop staring out of the window, looking at every single detail of Estonia. It seemed like a dream that you’d be waking up from any second now. Your hands fidgeted with your jacket sleeves as you stared out to the vast unknown. What would become of you and your relationship, you had no idea. You didn’t know what was going to happen and you had absolutely no clue where you would be going. A wave of uneasiness crashed over you as you tried to swallow down the nausea.

The drive seemed to simultaneously be the longest and shortest drive ever. Seconds felt like years and minutes felt like nanoseconds. You just wanted things to go back to how they were two months ago when things were easy and simple and life was without colour. You glanced over at Bucky, wishing that it had been anyone besides him that was your soulmate. Bucky was a decent enough guy from the short time you’d been with him, I mean, he was willing to take you to a safe house for god knows how long after meeting each other less than three times so obviously he was a good guy but... even if you and Bucky ended up friends, ended up falling in love... nothing could ever happen. You just couldn’t do that to Steve.

Oh, Steve.

You wondered what he would be doing just now. He would probably be in the gym with Sam, boxing his feelings and emotions about the whole situation out. That’s what he usually did when things were tense or when he was stressed, he would go to the gym and work out for hours. Sam would usually go with him, being his comic relief to make things less stressful for him. You had never been so thankful for Sam Wilson than in that moment of realisation. You had been so focused on what this meant for you and how this would affect you that you’d practically overlooked your boyfriend’s feelings.

Steve would be blaming your kidnapping on himself, even though it wasn’t his fault that Hydra were dickheads. He would be devastated that he’d had to send you off with your soulmate, knowing fine well that you could easily come back home in love with Bucky. It had been so hard for Steve to make that decision but it had to be done. He wished that he could’ve came with you but it was his mess to clean up and he couldn’t just let his friends do it. He wasn’t that selfish even though he wished he could have been. Steve would rely on Sam pretty heavily over the coming weeks. Sam had been such a good friend to Steve in the few years they’d known each other. Sam understood Steve, they shared the same values and same morals and that was something you liked about Sam. Sam wasn’t afraid to stand up and fight for what was right. You knew that Steve would be in good hands with Sam at his side.

Little did you know, Bucky was thinking of Steve Rogers too as he drove. It was surreal that he was driving with you, through Estonia, to a safe house where you’d be for weeks, potentially months. It scared Bucky, honestly. He liked you, not in a romantic way (yet), but he had heard all about you from Steve. All of those months that Bucky was in Wakanda, Steve called every week to check on him. Every week, Steve would talk about you. He remembered the things he would say about you. ‘She’s great, Buck. She’s got this smile, this really wide smile that I’ve only seen a handful of people have in my life. You know the one I mean. That genuinely happy, makes you smile when you see it smile.’, ‘You gotta meet her, Bucky. She’s everything I’ve been looking for and even though we’re not soulmates, we are.’, ‘It’s crazy. After Peggy, I never thought I’d fall in love again but (y/n) came into my life when I needed her most. Every day, I wake up thankful for her. My god, you have to meet her. You two will get on so well. She keeps my on my toes and is hilarious.’

Bucky glanced at you, a familiar pang of guilt shooting through him. You were his best friend’s girl and he could never do anything to pursue you because he cared about Steve too much. Steve was the one person who had given him a chance and had stuck by him through everything. Steve deserved you, Bucky didn’t.

It wasn’t long before Bucky pulled into a driveway. You looked around, realising that you were deep in the woods. It was an off road cabin that seemed to be pretty far from civilisation, “This is it.” Bucky cut the engine before getting out of the car. You stayed put, staring at the cabin in front of you. From the outside, it looked a little run down but very liveable. It was made with a dark oak wood which blended in well with the trees. Passers by would have to do a double take at first because of how well it blended in.

You got out of the car, grabbing the rucksack that had been by your feet. Bucky appeared beside you, carrying all of his and your bags, “Ready?”

You didn’t look at him, eyes stuck on the cabin in front of you. This was it. This was your future. You were unusually terrified as you stared at it. As soon as you stepped into that cabin, your future would change forever. Everything would change. Life as you knew it with Steve would completely change as soon as you walked into that cabin. With your heart beating fast, you took a breath and nodded, following him up the stony path and to the front door. He unlocked it and swung the door open before disappearing inside. You hesitated at the front door, staring at the line on the floor to mark the cabin’s entrance.

“I love you, Steve,” you whispered before stepping into the cabin and closing the door behind you.

The cabin had an old musty smell to it, the smell of emptiness. Clearly, no one had lived here for a long time. The décor was simple and pretty outdated but it was nice. Bucky had flicked the lights on throughout the cabin and was checking each room just to double check. You wandered through each room. The living room was simple with a couple of recliners and a small couch with a small TV on an old coffee table. You’d be surprised if the TV still worked with a thick layer of dust coating it. There was a large fireplace in the middle of the side wall which would be nice on a cold night. The kitchen was nice with everything that the pair of you would need to get started in the wooden cupboards and on shelves. It had a small table in the corner of the room, looking out of the window. Bucky told you that tomorrow, he would go get some shopping and food supplies until then you had the water and a few more snacks.

Next, you ventured into the bedrooms. Yours and Bucky’s separate bedrooms were adjacent to each other. Bucky had dropped his bags in the slightly smaller room. You went to object but the look on his face told you not to even bother. Bucky’s room was smaller yet still spacious enough for a double bed and a wardrobe. Your room was pretty much the same though as well as a wardrobe you had the chest of drawers as well. The shared bathroom was beside your room and it was... well, it was just an outdated bathroom. And that was it.

The cabin wasn’t particularly big or luxurious but it was much than you had expected. You seriously were expecting to sleep on the floor on a bug infested hotel but Bucky had done pretty good. You’d long since abandoned your disguise, feeling much better when looking like yourself. As you wandered around again, checking cupboards, finding extra duvets and pillows in the wardrobe in your room, you remembered something important. You dug around in your bags until you found it; a picture frame. Bucky knocked on your bedroom door. You turned to him, “You don’t need to knock,” you said.

“Come so I can show you something.”

You followed him into the living room as you held the picture frame in your hands. He stopped in front of a painting on the wall moving the painting to reveal a safe, “Oh, wow,” you said surprised.

“I got this safe installed and I’m putting this gun inside it, okay?” He told you, taking a gun from his back pocket. You jumped slightly, not expecting him to wield a weapon in front of you, “This is for emergencies, got it? I’ll teach you how to use it but for now, I’m locking it up in here, okay?”

“I don’t want to use a gun-”

“Neither do I,” Bucky said, cutting over you, “but I have to at least show you how to use it just in case, okay? The code is 0407-”

“Steve’s birthday.”

Bucky faltered before nodding and continuing, “Yeah, Steve’s birthday. Type that in,” he typed it in, “and it’ll unlock.” He dropped the gun inside of it before closing it over, “Re-type the code and it locks. Got it?”

You nodded.

“I always have at least one weapon on me at all times, okay? I have my gun and I have my knife. I’m only putting this here and showing you just in case, okay? We’ll probably never have to use it but it’s just in case something happens, just so I know that if I can’t get to you, you can have some way to protect yourself.”

Again, you nodded. Bucky eyed you carefully, making sure that you were okay with this. You didn’t really know how to feel about it. You weren’t surprised that he had weapons but it scared you the thought of you having to use them. Hopefully it would never come to that though. He could see the toll this was taking on you and you’d barely been gone a day. He was about to ask what you had in your hands when you wandered over to the fireplace and put the photo atop. It was a photo that you had once upon a time hated. It was you and Steve laughing as you posed for a picture in front of your Christmas tree. Nat had taken it on Christmas Eve. You wore a dress that hugged your curves a little too tightly for your liking but Steve had loved to see you in that dress. He always said the colour complimented your complexion so well and now that you could actually see colour, you could see where he was coming from. You loved that picture now, you remembered the night fondly where he twirled you around, telling you how beautiful you were every other minute. So yeah, you could see your protruding stomach and your bigger arms but you loved it. You smiled as you looked at Steve’s smile, heart soaring as you looked at him. Steve could make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. With him, you truly believed it. Your weight never defined your worth, you defined it.

Almost instantly, Bucky lunged for it, grabbing it and almost tumbling into you, “What the fuck?!” You hissed, leaping backwards. You hadn’t expected the dark haired super soldier to lunge from across the room, almost knocking you off of your feet to grab the picture frame down.

Bucky released a sharp breath, “The window,” he said gruffly. He pulled the curtains shut quickly, “We can’t put any photos up.”

“Why the fuck not?!”

He rolled his eyes, Steve had warned him that you could be stubborn, “In case we’re being watched. If someone’s tailing us, they might look through the window and have our identities confirmed if we put photos up.”

You rolled your eyes, “If someone’s tailing us then I’m pretty sure that they know our identities already. Give me it back.”

“Fine but you’re not putting it there,” Bucky said.

You glared at him as a bubble of anger boiled in your stomach, “My god, how am I meant to stay here with you for weeks if you’re such an arse over a photo?!”

“Yeah?” Bucky scoffed, “I didn’t have to come here, (y/n). I came because Steve asked. I came for you.”

You were breathing heavy as you glared at each other, “Yeah well maybe I don’t want you here.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be here!”

“Keep the stupid picture.” You turned on your heel and stormed into your bedroom, slamming the door shut behind you. You knew that you weren’t angry at Bucky, you knew that the two of you were tired and hungry. You knew that you were a flurry of emotions from having your life flipped upside down. You knew that Bucky was looking out for your safety but you were pissed and he was the only person near you so he would have to deal with it.

Bucky sighed heavily as he fell onto the couch, pursing his lips and pinching the bridge of his nose. Yeah, Steve, she’s fucking brilliant.

It was hours later when you rolled over with a huff. Sleep wasn’t coming easily. You were still too pissed off and because you were still so pissed off, you were only getting more annoyed. You knew that if the anger faded, you’d probably end up crying and you didn’t know which was worse so you just stayed angry. You wished that Bucky would’ve just been able to talk to you normally instead of treating you like a child. You would’ve absolutely understood the picture fiasco had he not leapt over the table and yanked it like a dog stealing someone’s dinner from the table.

You sat up in bed. Usually, if you couldn’t sleep you’d watch TV or go on your phone but you didn’t feel up for watching the tiny TV in the living room and you obviously didn’t have a phone so you couldn’t do much than think. You’d need to see if there was a cheap CD player and CDs in town so that you could at least have some background noise. The cabin was eerily quiet at night. It was a different surrounding in a different country and everything just felt a little uneasy. You were used to New York where the hustle and bustle was part of every day life but the woods was so quiet aside from the rustling trees... it would take some getting used to.

With a huff, you grabbed your dressing gown from the bag on the floor and made your way into the kitchen. You grabbed a glass and filled it with water before taking a long drink. You didn’t know why you wandered into the living room but you found yourself venturing in and it was then you noticed, in the dim light from the moon, you saw a note and the picture of you and Steve that sat on the coffee table in front of the TV. You picked up the note.

I’m sorry about freaking out over the picture, it’s been a long day. Steve warned me you were stubborn but I wasn’t prepared, I guess. Let’s not put it on the fire place until we’re absolutely sure that no one’s tracking us. Until then, it can go here where it’s not facing a window. Hope that’s okay. It is a lovely picture of you and Steve... Again, sorry. - Bucky

You smiled slightly as you read it before slipping the note into your dressing gown pocket and going back to bed. So Bucky Barnes was decent after all.

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