#I don't think I'll tell ppl about last week cuz it's both personal and legal and I'm not comfortable talking about it

[bear-of-varley]

My grandmother's been gone for 4 years today and I'm still feeling her loss like 4 years ago feels so long ago and at the same time it doesn't. I was extremely close to her so when her death came, it hit me hard. My ex rented a 3ds and fe awakening and I spent the entire 2 weeks after playing nonstop to avoid the guilt, stress, and sadness. And then I latched onto fates when things worsened.

Idk recently I've been stressed out of my mind because of the events of last week, which were disastrous but I will be able to bounce back hopefully in a month or two (or by the end of the decade) plus going through the motions of missing one of the people I cared for most isn't a good combination and led me to complete emotional and physical burnout. I'm glad I'm taking the day off from work to reset and move forward. I felt terrible at first for taking the day off but I actually desperately needed this.

#I went on a similar Twitter thing #I'm also deeply sad I lost my blog #But I have to move on #Death #Personal #I needed to really type this out #I might delete later idk but I think it's important for me to type this out because I needed a reset day #Not to mention I had a migraine overnight which would have kept me from working like the room was spinning #Seriously everyone in my orbit has missed one day of work I could afford to miss one day I shouldn't be guilted #I think my grandmother's passing hit me almost as bad as my dad's except I had lost so many ppl by age 24 that I was just done #It was the final event that actually led to me isolating myself from ppl irl which was both good and stupid of me #I shut myself away from the shallow ppl which were many but also the few who were good people but I was so done with everything #I don't think I'll tell ppl about last week cuz it's both personal and legal and I'm not comfortable talking about it #But it was bad enough that I couldn't concentrate on work Thursday and esp Friday when I kept experiencing vertigo and low blood sugar #Honestly maybe this will all be just a haze 2 months from today #For all I know I might be on a plane ride to Dallas to visit my sister and it'll all be alright #2 months till winter break yay