#I don't understand it truly it's so much easier to do NOTHING about it except continue doing things the way you always did

[blorbosexterminator]

I believe a lot of fanfic writers would be massively disappointed if they were to try and publish their fanfics (having changed the most identifying characteristics to present it as original work). bc one of the reasons why we never say anything when someone's writing is full of spelling mistakes or bad grammar or, imo the most serious flaws - plots, characters, the low quality of the story itself, the themes, the subtext, the deeper meaning, etc - the reason, besides the whole participating in fandom communities and the fact it's free, is that we easily overlook some of those things because we get to read more about the characters we already love. I know my ff standards are fairly low. and who hasn't found themselves in a situation where they've read through everything they initially wanted to read and then started reading even the fics they first disregarded bc they can't get enough of their otp. do you know how many times I've scrolled past some especially cringy parts of fanfics, but I still love them. when you publish it, you immediately lose that aspect and most reviewers and readers won't be particularly generous. I just think publishing ff has a very high chance of being a mistake, and if publishing houses are approaching ff writers, I don't think they're looking for high quality and I wonder how much they'd invest in serious editing. IMO those who write ff and want to be published should consider working on an original piece of work, or at least reworking their ff significantly. thanks for reading through my message.

Again, I can't say I disagree at all. Fanfiction doesn't hold a grasp in all of those aspects you mentioned against actual published books [and of course nothing at all against the few of those books we would actually dare to call literature] and we allow it and are fine with it, not just because it's free and about the community and about the basic delight in sharing more of the characters we care about, but because none of those things are the primarily function of fanfiction. You don't judge Ikea and an apartment you're going to rent in the same mannar. Ikea isn't a house. At least to me, fanfiction is only about the source material. If there is a fic that has a well-thought out plot and decent prose, but the characters are mischaracterized and/or the dynamics are inherently misunderstood, then it still fails at being a good fic to me. Because, simply, if what I'm looking for is a good plot and decent prose, then I'll just pick any, even a mediocre, book [and it'll be better than said fic]. So not only does fanfiction fail by large at competing in those elements, in the average ratio of good to bad fics, it's also the fact that even a good fic that does all of those things decently still won't hold a chance against an actual good book.

It's the same from a writing's perspective too. It's not exactly about effort but what sort of effort it is. If I feel like it, I can just post a fic because I want it out without spending millenia editing it. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. But the point is, with fanfic I have the choice and it won't matter. And it's not just about the editing, the grammar, etc.

Anyway, yeah. They aren't looking for quality. It's still a capitalisic endeavor. Bad books, unfortunately, do sell. Fifty Shades of Grey made millions to an average fanfic writer. Doesn't make it a good book [and I doubt even a good fic before that]. And it's understandable with this current twitter and tiktok book market; honestly the things twitter authors write and tiktokers promote aren't at all that much better than fanfics. They are well aware of what makes them money, and if they're pursuing ao3 writers then they know the money they'll put in editing, they will get back tenfold. But if anyone thinks that's a win for fanfiction, they are mistaken. It's just an insane downgrade in published literature. And dare I say [while risking sounding like a Harold Bloom-like boomer] it's an insane downgrade in the generation/public's reading taste.

#people can do whatever they like though lol #and I'm not sure whether 'blaming' Twitter Tiktok and the only-fanfic reading public swarming out at all once for this shitshow is the righ #move #I'm sure the reasons and explanations are much more complex and those might only be the apparent symptoms but not what lies underneath #but they sure are making things much worse #least of what's truly insipid about this is that it's making people mostly teenagers really really comfortable with complete #anti-intellectualism and selling to them that is this is the good thing actually you're doing so great. go burn those terrible books your #hc teachers made you read #and no you're not #there is a world of difference between grappling with difficult texts because you understand that the grappling is worthwhile and between #manipulating yourself into thinking they aren't worth anything just because it would be easier for you to believe though #but anyway obviously there are exceptions #nothing is without exception #and I do believe a lot of fanfic writers [at least in my own experience my favorite ones] are more than capable of writing publishable work #but the point is fanfiction loses the one thing that makes it actually standout by getting published. and then it'll be put in a horrible #comparison with other works and get torn down #like writing a fanfiction most of the time you take a readymade situation [whether canon or a specific au] and what you do is put different #characters in #and you don't really have to do anything other than that. the twist and spin IS the characters #but publish that and those are just regular characters inna regular situation to readers and critics #and since we're talking about most fanfic s not the rarities; there won't be much to the book that excuses its lack of originality in plot #it's a pretty complex topic anyway #this is in no way a disregard of fanfics though #I love both writing and reading it #as its own thing #not as a replacement of or as literature #this is the bottomline

[folklaur21]

What would've should've been

Pairing: Theodore Nott x fem!ravenclaw!reader

Summary: Theodore Nott didn't truly know what love felt like until he found you. But now all he can do is sit and imagine what should've been.

Warnings: Mentions of death/killing, Battle of Hogwarts, use of Y/N

Word Count: 2.3k

Before You

Theodore Nott isn't the happiest person in the world. Scratch that, he might be the most subdued, emotionally complex guy to have ever existed. Hardly anything made him smile, next to nothing made him laugh. That's just how he was, is, and how he will always be.

It isn't completely his fault. People are never born 'sad' or 'emotionless'. Theo was brought up this way. It was ingrained into him as a child, silently impacting his life forever, and he didn't even realise it. Well, that was until his mother died. At the hands of his father.

Theodore's mother was a gentle soul. Sweet and caring, she always looked after her son. She gave him everything a child needed, wanted, and then some. The one thing she couldn't provide for Theo? A stable father, who wasn't an alcoholic, abusive pig. Though she did try, the fear she had of Theodore's father never ceased throughout their marriage. She just had to try to shelter Theodore from this cold, uncaring lifestyle.

She could only protect her son so much. When Theodore was just nine years old, she couldn't take the abuse from his father anymore. So she tried to escape. From her house, from her husband, from her life. Yet she failed. And he found out. Theodore Nott Sr. was not happy with this. So he did the only thing that he thought could ease his troubles. He killed his wife. The mother of his child. The child that had heard the Unforgiveable Curse uttered from his father's lips. The child who watched the flash of green light emitted from his father's wand. The child who had to watch his own mother, the only person who truly cared for him, die.

When he started Hogwarts, Theodore wanted a somewhat fresh start. Free from the burdens of his home life, he made friends.(Arguably, they were friends who his father would have approved of. If his father even cared.) At school, Theodore worked hard, and tried to mask the emotions he had always been told to oppress. Anger. Hatred. Vulnerability. So none of his friends truly knew what his life was like. Except for Lorenzo.

Theo told Enzo Berkshire everything. It was easier, having someone understand why you were like you were. Someone who you trusted with your deepest, darkest secrets. Someone who cared about you. That's how the two became best friends. Practically inseparable, 24/7.

During You

Having a connection with someone was something Theodore didn't truly seek throughout his lifetime. Especially now, in his fourth year at Hogwarts. Apart from Enzo, he was fine with keeping to himself, keeping a low profile and staying out of everyone's way. That was, until he saw you.

"Enzo, I don't want to go."

"Please, Theo, I want you to come. I'll be lonely without you." Enzo pleaded with his friend.

"I don't want to go to the Yule Ball. And besides, I didn't ask anyone to go with me." Theodore replied, still resisting the idea.

"So? No-one really cares if you're with someone or not. It's supposed to be fun." Enzo says with a sigh as he flops down next to Theo on his bed.

Theo scoffs. "Says you! How many girls asked you to go with them? 15?"

Lorenzo turns slightly pink at his friend's comment. "23..."

Theo lets out an exasperated sigh. "Exactly," Theo says, but after a moment he decides, "I will go to the ball with you Enz. Only because it's that, or sit around here or in the common room with all the first years."

So, that was how he ended up standing at the side of the Great Hall, sipping a glass of pumpkin juice, and watching all of his friends dancing with whoever they brought to the Ball. Theo didn't really mind. Once again, he was merely waiting in the wings, not really expecting anything grand to happen to him. At least, that's what he thought would happen. Until he saw you.

You were with some of your friends on the dancefloor. Laughing and smiling, you were carefree, living your life to it's full potential. Theo couldn't bear to take his eyes off of you. It's not like you would have seen him anyway, with him lurking in the shadows.

After he had spent what felt like forever watching you, Enzo came to his friend's side, offering a new glass of pumpkin juice, which Theo gladly accepted.

"Who's that?" Theo asked his friend, nodding his head in your direction.

"That's Y/N. Y/L/N I think. She's in Ravenclaw. She's actually quite clever, I sat next to her in arithmancy last year." Enzo pauses for a second. "Why do you want to know?"

"I don't know," Theo shrugs, nonchalant. "I just... don't remember seeing her before, that's all."

"Oh. Well, she's really kind. And sweet." Enzo smiles before rushing of again to resume dancing, leaving Theo to mull over his thoughts. Thoughts of you.

A week later, whilst sat in Potions, Theodore couldn't help but watch you, sitting across from him in the classroom. Strange. He had never noticed you before, but now it seemed you were the only thing plaguing his mind. He hardly took any notice of Professor Snape that lesson, watching you as you took notes with your brow furrowed, and how you twirled your quill around in your fingertips if you seemed distracted.

Over the next few weeks, Theodore Nott grew to know lots about you, even if you didn't yet realise it. He knew your favourite subject (Charms), your favourite sweets from Honeydukes (Chocolate Frogs, because you collected the cards). He even knew how you liked to spend your Sundays (sat in the courtyard with a book and a hot chocolate). Theo was drawn to you, for some unknown reason, and not even he could figure out why.

In the weeks leading up to your exams, you spent an increasing amount of time in the library, studying. Funnily enough, so did Theodore. He wanted to do well academically, even if his friends preferred skiving off and messing with first years. So, that was how he came to speak to you for the first time, five whole months after he was first captivated by you.

"Can I sit here? All the other tables are either occupied or slightly sticky and I don't want to mess up my books"

"Uhh, sure!" Theodore said, shocked that you had even come over to him. "No," he told himself. "She's only over here because nowhere else was free. Don't get your hopes up."

"I'm Y/N, by the way." You smile at him, and wave your wand to get your books laid out on the desk in front of you.

"Theodore. But you can call me Theo." Theodore said, as he found himself smiling in return.

The two of you started to talk about anything and everything; school, exams, your hobbies, interests, just your lives in general. And that's how Theo realised that, maybe he wasn't such a cold, uncaring teenager after all.

A week or so later, the two of you were sat under the shade of an oak tree overlooking the Black Lake, studying for, you guessed it, exams. That moment was when Theo finally plucked up enough courage to ask you something.

"Hey, Y/N?" he asked, taking a deep breath.

"What?" you replied, looking up from your book.

"I was wondering, would you maybe like to, and it's OK if you don't, I don't mind, you don't have to say yes or anything because it's completely your choice-"

"Spit it out, Theo!" you giggled, humoured by his rambling.

"Right. Sorry." Theo said, trying to calm himself down. "Umm, would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend? And could we possibly go to the Three Broomsticks? You know, just... us?"

Your eyes widened, before you smiled at the boy's worried expression. "Of course! Theo I'd love to."

You wrapped your arms around him and gave him a small kiss on the cheek before returning to your book, leaving Theodore grinning as if he'd just won the lottery. Which, with you, he basically had.

After You

It had been a while since Theodore Nott had been back at Hogwarts. Since he had gotten the Dark Mark, at his father's force, he had stayed working for The Dark Lord, being a Death Eater. He hated it. It was a life his father had forced him into, a life which wasn't truly his. And now he was back at the one place which had been a home to him, but now he was here to destroy it.

Theo tried to look for you. The one person who he trusted, and the one person who trusted him. Theo wasn't here to fight. He wasn't here to kill. He couldn't do that here. His safe place, where his father couldn't physically torture him. Where you were.

Before his sixth year at Hogwarts, Theo was held under the Imperius curse by his father, and the searing skull tattoo, the tattoo that would hurt him forever, was imprinted into his left arm. When school started again, he couldn't bear to tell you, his girlfriend, what had happened. But he did, because between you two, there were no secrets. When you found out, all you were was supportive. You helped Theo though his pain and anguish, but what he didn't know is that when you first found out, you cried for hours. Crying about his future, your future, angry at the world you live in for being so cruel. Crying was really the only thing you could do.

After Dumbledore's death, Theodore did what he thought would be best for your relationship, best for you.

"You can't be serious, Theodore?" you said, trying to keep your voice levelled and clear, holding back the tears.

That hurt Theo. You never called him Theodore, unless you were really frustrated. Which hadn't happened until now. "Y/N please, I have to, it's for your safety."

"My SAFETY? Theo, I couldn't care less about that right now. Please, don't do this." You couldn't hold back any longer. The tears were now streaming down your face.

"I don't want to, but-"

"But what, Theo? I love you!"

"I love you too, but-"

"Then surely that's all that matter?" you say, exasperated. "We love each other. We can run away together, and live in hiding until it's safe for us to come out, to be together."

"No, we can't, you know we can't, we'll be found and then... you'd... You'd be killed." Theo says in a small voice. "And I can't let that happen to you. Please, Y/N, just listen to me. As soon as this is over, we can get back together. We can live together, start over together. But it can't happen now. Not yet. Please, Y/N, wait for me."

You can't stop crying now, and you lean over to Theo and kiss him. "OK. When it's all over. I'll be waiting for you, Theo. You'll definitely come back to me?"

"Of course I will, Y/N. I promise I'll find you."

And of course, that's what he was currently doing. Looking for you. He had been waiting a year to see your face again, hoping you hadn't forgotten about him. However now he couldn't find you. Running through the corridors, shouting you name, dodging curses and rubble, Theo's only goal was to find you. And he did.

There you were at the top of the Astronomy tower, a split lip and wearing a torn blue jumper, you were aiming all sorts of hexes at a Death Eater. Theo was so relieved, and began firing spells at your opponent, until he was knocked unconscious. At that point, Theo kicked the limp body over the balcony, not caring what would happen.

"Y/N." Theo smiled. "I told you I'd come back."

You pulled Theo into a hug and kissed him. "Theo!" you breathed.

"I love you more than anything, Y/N." All Theo could do was look into your bright, tearful eyes, relieved that he could see you once again before-

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

That fateful curse.

A flash of green light.

Your body fell limp in Theo's arms.

Your eyes lost their brightness.

"NO!"

Theo tried to pull you up, tried to hold you tight, but it was no use. You were gone. Theo looked up to see your murderer, looking him in the eyes. His father.

Your death at the hands of Nott Sr. ensured Nott Sr.'s death at the hands of his son. That was the first and last time that Theodore Nott would ever use the killing curse, and it only made sense for it to be on the person that used it on the two people who he had loved most in the world.

When the Battle of Hogwarts was over, most of Voldemort's supporters were dead, captured, or had fled the scene when it was evident that they were losing. But two Death Eaters stayed behind, simply because they couldn't bear to leave the castle like this. They felt it was partly their fault. Those two Death Eaters were Theodore Nott and Lorenzo Berkshire.

Whilst everyone gathered in the Great Hall, Enzo wandered the, now ruined, corridors of a place he loved so dearly. What he didn't expect to find his best friend, leaning on the crumbled wall of the Astronomy tower, cradling someone in his arms. Not to mention the fact that his father lay on the ground mere feet away.

"Please, Y/N, you can't be dead, you can't. I came back for you I-"

"Theo?" Enzo inquired, sitting on the floor next to his best friend, who was in fits of tears.

"He killed her, Enz. He killed her so- So I killed him. I had to."

"It's OK, Theo." Enzo replied, putting an arm around his friend's shoulder, and letting him cry.

The pair fell into a comfortable silence, with the sound of everyone in the castle talking and grieving the loss of friends and family. The two could have been down there with them, celebrating the demise of the people who made their lives hell.

But instead, all Theodore Nott could think about is what should've been.

#slytherin #slytherin boys #theodore nott #harry potter #harry potter universe #lorenzo berkshire #theo nott #theodore nott x y/n #theodore nott x reader #y/n #theo nott x reader #slytherin boys x reader #slytherin x reader #x reader #fem reader #x female reader #ravenclaw #slytherclaw #battle of hogwarts #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #hogwarts houses #wizarding world #sad fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #enzo berkshire

[yanderes-galore]

Oh! How about a platonic/romantic (either is fine) concept for the DBD Entity themselves? Like there's a survivor that the Entity favors over the others and even killers, but nobody knows why? The Entity just really likes this survivor darling for whatever reason lmao

This may not be that long but I am dying to talk about this somehow, lol.

Yandere! The Entity with Survivor! Darling

Short Concept/Idea

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Eldritch entity likes you, Dubious pairing, Violence, Murder.

Honestly I doubt this creature can feel romantic feelings towards a human at all.

At least not in the way humans do.

Although when The Entity likes someone to the point of obsession... your life in the trials is much easier than most.

After all, killers rarely get to touch you without angering The Entity.

For some reason you were picked by The Entity.

Not to suffer... not to kill... you actually have no idea what it wants.

No one does.

Survivors around you get no benefit or boost.

They still suffer the same, meanwhile your pain is either nonexistent or lesser than theirs.

You're confused... if you aren't meant to suffer like the rest, why are you here?

You rarely get to see The Entity except for its claws when it picks up survivors from hooks.

Even if it prefers you it rarely shows you a form.

Although if it did... you could expect The Entity to be spider-like.

It can change its appearance to fit what you prefer but there would probably always be a spider motif.

Its form of affection is not causing you pain.

Most of the time you're not even sent to a trial anymore.

Your world is an endless forest... only the void greets you while The Entity watches on.

It feels like you're in a painless purgatory.

The Entity didn't need to take you.

That's how you felt... after all, it liked to thrive on pain and suffering.

What did it get from forcing you to wander here... endlessly?

The Entity is a hard being to understand.

Its motives are something you'd never be able to grasp.

It's arachnid forms are always disturbing in nature, yet it never seems to hurt you much.

It touches you at times, nothing strange or invasive, it just brushes against you.

It feels like a cold wind against you.

It acts curious... like its testing the waters around you.

The Entity can easily keeps its darling to itself.

It warps the world around you... killers and survivors alike are punished with pain around you...

The Entity knows you can't leave... and you know that too.

Safe to say The Entity is a successful yandere.

There isn't much to say due to this.

It doesn't matter if you hate it, is there anyway to properly reciprocate what it feels towards you?

Do you even know what it feels towards you!?

It doesn't care how you feel towards it.

All it cares about is playing with you and your head by messing with your mind.

It thrives off emotions and experiences.

You can't fight back with it, either.

Even if you were given a weapon, you can't hurt it.

You don't even know if it can be killed.

As with most yandere eldritch beasts, there isn't too much to say.

You'll be held in The Entity's realm against your will.

Sometimes in a trial... sometimes not.

You have more benefits than others, but that doesn't mean you're happy....

You feel so alone in this warping realm at times... you're different than the others...

It truly is just you and The Entity in a world separate from the rest.

#yandere dead by daylight #yandere dbd #yandere the entity #yandere dbd the entity

[teaboot]

I love working in a team again, because working alone for so long can get a bit lonely, but I miss feeling normal, you know?

When you do everything by yourself, you can just get things done, and if you fuck up someone will tell you, and if you do good someone will tell you,and nothing else really matter except accomplishing the task. The job needs to be done, so you do it, and as long as it gets done, nobody looks too close at you.

Now that I'm with people again, everything I do is compared to the "normal" way of doing it. And even if nobody says anything at first, it does eventually come up anyways. Like a weird birthmark or scar that you can tell people are staring at.

When you're alone, you don't think about why you do things the way you do. You don't wonder why your brain works the way it does, or why you're different, and the unconscious habits you have aren't strange or annoying or in the way.

"Why do you do it like this, when it takes longer?"

"Can you stop doing this? It's driving me nuts."

"Would you stop putting this there?"

"You know that's not the right word, right?"

"Wow, they really don't like you."

People have the right to ask questions. I get that they try to understand, and it's not an attack. And I get everyone has little peeves that set them off, just like I do.

But it's so much easier to isolate, to stay alone, to hide from people forever and ever so I don't have to be reminded constantly that there are things my brain can't do, there are things I can't see or learn or understand, and that sometimes the little tricks and workarounds I've worked so hard on still fall a little short of the mark.

It's hard, hearing someone casually mention one of your many little deviancies, and not also hearing the old old memories attached in so many voices that say,

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"You're touched in the head."

"Are you retarded?"

"We're getting you evaluated. There's clearly something going on with you."

"Are you really that dense?"

"You have to be doing this on purpose. Nobody is that stupid."

"I truly think there's something wrong with you."

I like being who I am, when I'm alone.

Alone in a room isn't the same as being alone in a crowd.

#TMI #IDK guys just venting #Thinking on paper #Fine to reblog

[dustteller]

Ouyang is an incredibly tragic character but lowkey I find Esen even more tragic.

Because Esen loves Ouyang. I don't think he quite realizes the implications of that, but he spends the whole book being absolutely whipped for his general. This man means more to him that anybody else, and Esen wants so badly to protect him and cherish him and see him happy. His ideal life is out on campaign, out in battle, not only because he loves fighting, but because that is the space that belongs to him and Ouyang alone. He sees his military duties through the lens of getting to spend time with someone who, in his eyes, is the absolute bestest, coolest, most loveable person in the world. Esen adores Ouyang, end explicitly states he would literally do anything for him, and Ouyang, who hates himself and twists everything to be about how awful he is, *believes him.* No ifs or buts. That's how true his statement is.

And Ouyang loathes himself and lifes his life with the sole purpose of causing himself pain, so he believes that the reason Esen doesn't realize how he feels is because he doesn't care to. He genuinely thinks that Esen sees him fully as a thing, and that his "You're as beautiful as a woman." comment is made out of ignorance because Esen does not care to realize how much that comment hurts Ouyang. Every single little slight, he sees as proof that Esen doesn't bother to truly know and understand him.

And to a certain point, he's right. Esen is willfully ignorant about Ouyangs feelings. He is being an absolute idiot and careless about his words. But the reason he is like that is not because he does not care, but because he cares too much. In his P.O.V., we see that he remembers the day that Ouyangs family was murdered, but that he draws a line between that child and his fearless general because he doesn't like to think about Ouyang like that.

Esen cares so much, and so he refuses to think of Ouyang as vulnerable and sad and in pain because he can't stand it. He's selfish and stupid in his refusal to consider it, but the reason for it is that he literally cannot bear to see Ouyang hurt. And as for Ouyang, he never lets it be known that it bothers him. From Esen's perspective, he's treating Ouyang as he would anyone else in a mutual pact of ignoring the past. The past does not matter to him, only their present relationship. It's easier that way, for the both of them.

Except, of course, Ouyang does not actually forget. He simmers and rots in his feelings, and he learns to see all of Esen's actions as a slight agaisnt himself, a betrayal from the only person he loves.

Esen wants to give Ouyang the world, and I fully believe that if at some point Ouyang had let it slip how much his past still hurt him, he would have thrown himself into doing as much as he could to help Ouyang. He ignores Ouyang's feelings because he thinks that's what Ouyang wants. His world is simple and uncomplicated because he genuinely does not think anyone he loves wants it any other way. He just wants the people he loves to get along and be happy and to make his father proud and see his brother be honored and for Ouyang to live the best life possible.

I think Esen is a very tragic character, not because he's stupid, but because not a single person ever gave him the chance to not be. Esen is tragic because there is nothing more he wants than for his people to be happy, and he could have given it to them so easily, but because of reasons outside of his control everyone kept their silence and so he was doomed to lose and hurt all that he wished to keep safe.

#she who became the sun #general ouyang #esen temur #this book. this book has done things to me. #my thoughts

[tetedurfarm]

That’s ok, in that case what would you suggest? Mini rexes?

Also yeah that list would be awesome if it isn’t a bother lol

mini rex are great but depending on where you are they're VERY competitive. i know a lot of MR people in washington and unless you have money to drop on some real good rabbits i wouldn't start there either haha.

in general, these things are gonna be pretty regional depending on how competitive you want to get and how much disposable income you have to throw at rabbits. going to shows can get you a better idea of what's around and what's popular.

in general though i like to point people to breeds like californian, new zealand, and florida white when they're starting. boring? yes. but they are easy to find, usually very typey, and a barn full of rabbits that all look alike will really teach you how to look at the body rather than the colours, which is probably THE most important fundamental skill.

fur breeds like satin/mini satin, rex/mini rex, silver fox, etc. can be very typey but the fur is an added difficulty that can be fun to some and absolutely brutal for others. people tend to love fur breeds (because who doesn't want to drown in rex fur) so they can be quite competitive, and often the act of breeding will ruin fur quality, especially in does (something to do with hormones and the fact that does pull fur for nests.) satins/mini satins also have the added bonus of having really horrible personalities.

Woolies, angora, and fuzzy lops require a LOT of grooming and that may be fun for some and really intimidating for others. If it's not done appropriately it can lead to matting and wool block so not really something you can slack on. also, most wool breeds don't have a lot of meat since all their nutritional resources go into fur production.

my favourite little guy with an added Thing to make it interesting though is dutch. they're a marked breed, which can be really frustrating, but they're also very easy to tell at birth if they're worth growing out. they're compact, generally very typey, and also make really great little meat bricks (which is nice for all those culls you'll be doing if you aren't doing it in the nest.) unfortunately in washington there is basically zero competition.

i am not very familiar with the upright/running breeds so i can't really comment on those, except that in general full-arch may not be beginner friendly due to their space requirements, high strung personalities, and the fact that most of them are marked breeds.

as i said before i also don't touch dwarf breeds in general but in my area holland lops are so popular that they'll often have a judge doing nothing BUT that breed at local shows. netherlands and lionheads are also really popular. i have no idea how difficult they are to show necessarily, i just know how many i see at any given local lol. i like papillons a lot but they're still a little difficult to find, and brittania petites are demons in physical form, but they are pretty typey and seem easy to find.

mandolin is another group i'm not super familiar with but from what i understand they are not hard to show just difficult to find. most of them are also pretty big and can have difficult housing requirements due to their size. big bunnies don't make as much meat, grow slower, and don't live as long so keep that in mind.

and of course i have not forgotten about the most perfect animal in the world: the himalayan. truly the ideal shape. the ideal size. the ideal "personality", if you can call it that. i think everyone needs a himalayan in their life. unfortunately though they don't have a lot of meat on them.

the other two cylindrical breeds, holicers and czech frosties, are having new/rare breed difficulties despite how pretty and meaty they are.

ultimately like...any breed is good. but if you have never bred rabbits and definitely haven't shown before, some are easier to get involved in than others. i started in mini lops and standard rex and i almost quit showing altogether because rex frustrated me so much lol. shifting to different breeds helped me realise the type of showing i enjoy doing (i am not particularly competitive though i enjoy having a little competition - but mostly the Projects are what i enjoy when it comes to rabbits) and the breeds that clicked with me. now, i ended up with two really awful ones, but i now have experience with spicy rabbits and have the knowledge and experience to know how to move forward with the project of hotots, which is very fun for me.

there aren't a lot of resources out there on how to get started and what you're looking for in showing rabbits unless you're in 4H, ARBA youth clubs, or are lucky enough to find a mentor. making it easy on yourself at first is the way to go (or at least have on easy and one harder breed.) that being said, i'm trying really hard to build some non-discord resources for people, especially adults, who are new to rabbits to help them. because genuinely, it's hard out there for us.

this was a real essay but clearly i love infodumping about rabbits and i have onions about showing as someone who started in my mid-20s.

anyway please get into rabbits

#long post / #questions

[modern-day-bard]

Worth The Feeling

Content Warning: 18+ This series contains explicit smut, intimidation, and an age gap relationship. Minors, do not interact.

Chapter 18

The next few days were Italian and Javi-filled bliss. The daytime was spent following Dwayne around set, learning his key responsibilities. When he was occupied, my time was spent memorizing the rest of the production assistants' names and how to divvy up the workload. Thankfully, it was so busy on location that I was only able to be distracted by Javi a few times. There was a spark in the air when he was nearby, and I felt tingles across my skin before I made eye contact with him. We always kept it brief, glancing away before anyone would have the chance to spot us. But I always new that initial spark would be nothing compared to the molten look he gave me when we were alone. And each night since my apology, we spent together.

I kept telling Lana I was going on walks, and it was usually during her calls with Mia so she was partially distracted. And it wasn't really lying was it? I was going on a walk, just up to Javi's hotel room slash penthouse suite. Usually when I arrived, we would spare the conversation. The build of being in close proximity to each other while never truly being able to acknowledge how wild that made us was almost too much to handle. I don't think my clothes ever made it past the front entryway.

It is crazy to me that I thought I had had real sex before. I might have technically been performing the act, but that's how it always felt, like a performance. With Javi's warm touch, every lick of the flame coaxed me out of my shell and ignited every fiber of my being. There was nothing to think about except the sensational pleasure we could pull from each other. When we both finally came down from our mingled high, we would spend the next several hours talking about our days, both in the past and the present. We spoke of the parallels of missing home yet being enraptured with the energy of Los Angeles. We learned that we had both tried, and failed miserably, to join track in high school. I learned more about the love for his family, and his distaste for asparagus. And much to his amusement, he learned that I excelled at playing the recorder. He still insists that it is not a real instrument.

We were careful not to spend too long together. I would reluctantly tiptoe out of his room and return to mine before midnight like the smitten, horned-up Cinderella I was becoming. Lana was oftentimes asleep or on the brink of when I returned, which made things easier. For reasons I don't fully want to understand yet, I don't want to tell Lana everything. Her concern the other night about me falling too quickly or getting myself hurt wasn't a place I wanted to go. If we began that conversation again and I had to confront...anything, I was worried where it could take me. For now at least I could commit to living in this Italian, sunshine-filled bubble a while longer.

I walk into our room after another day's work, and my smile falters when Lana is sitting straight up on her bed, staring at the door, an unreadable expression on her face.

"Have you been expecting me, mob boss?" I joke, tossing my bag at the foot of my bed.

"I have something I need to discuss with you."

My stomach drops. I avoid eye contact with her, flopping on my bed and pulling my hair back to put into a ponytail.

"Yeah? What's that?"

"A huge mistake has been made." Lana's curls bounce as she crosses her arms over her chest, giving the impression of a principal scolding a pupil.

"I'm afraid I'm going to need another hint."

Now she tosses her arms up as if it's obvious. "We're more than halfway through the trip and we haven't checked anything off our list!"

A tsunami of relief washes over me, releasing a giggle out of my throat. "I wasn't aware we had a list."

"Yeah, well, we do. It's right here," She points to her head. "And I blame Mia for distracting me every night." Her words don't hold the conviction they were supposed to. "So, I say we choose one of the landmarks within walking distance and go tonight. We only have a few more nights here. What do you think?"

As always, her enthusiasm is contagious. I have a small ache in my heart over not seeing Javi tonight, and I make a mental note to text him to let him know I won't be coming up. However, we are in Italy. And contrary to popular belief, I haven't been exploring the streets of Milan every night.

"I'm in."

One squeal from Lana and one outfit change later and the two of us were on our way to the Poldi Pezzoli Museum. We make it a few blocks before I pull out my GPS app. The streets were beautiful, but my Italian was limited to dessert menu items. I truly had no idea where we were going, and Lana was too busy staring up toward the sky at the architecture, the picture of tourism. Not that I blame her.

"Don't you know the way?" She asks, "You've been walking around every night for almost a week."

I feel my cheeks flush, and I hope the setting sun hides most of the pigmentation.

"You know me, Lan. If I have my headphones in, I'm not paying attention to anything."

Lana laughs lightly, and I breathe my second sigh of relief for the evening.

We take our time walking to the museum. We stop at Teatro alla Scala on the way, basking in the glory of an opera house older than Los Angeles itself. I feel a pang of guilt for not exploring this city more while I have been here.

As we continue toward the museum I realize that we have four more nights in the city. There's both a pressure and a release taking in the sights. A pressure to see as much as I possibly can and experience everything to it's greatest capacity, and also a release of control. For so long, my fear of flying kept me back from experiencing places like this. Not that the budget totally allowed for it, but I feel like if I let my fear go, I would have made moves to make it happen. And now I'm here. I'm in a city that feels like a dreamland with my best friend by my side, and a phone in my pocket filled with messages from someone who makes me feel like it's possible for this dream to continue. As Lana and I peruse the art, creating a healthy balance of cracking jokes and admiration, I feel more alive than I have in months. Possibly in years.

We end the night with wine in gelato, taking both back to our room. After laughing over nothing for several minutes, we both take a phone break. With the wine making its way through my system, I feel more emboldened to text Javi beyond my initial apology for missing out tonight.

Me: Can you explain to me why we haven't been exploring the city together?

He replies not even two minutes later.

Javi: I feel like we were a bit too busy "exploring" upstairs.

Javi: But I didn't know that you wanted to. I'd be happy to take you around :)

I bite back a smile, not wanting Lana to notice.

Me: I like "exploring" with you ;) but maybe we could go in disgsuie

Me: Disguise*

Javi: Disguise huh? Did you and Lana have some drinks by any chance?

Me: Seriously? One type-o and now I'm a lush?

Me: Also, yes.

Javi: I knew it. Pick out a wig for me, and I'm all yours. Wherever you wanna go.

Me: All mine???

Javi: Absolutely.

Most of the time, I think this sort of thing would gross me out. But here I am, sitting on the edge of my bed, swinging my feet like a little kid. I can feel the flush on my face, but now at least I have the wine to blame for that.

I feel Lana's foot nudge mine from the end of her bed.

"What's going on with you, smiley?"

I release a bubbly, wine-induced giggle. "I think that I'm...happy?"

Lana beams, "Well, it looks good on you."

I lay back, placing my hands on my stomach, releasing a contented sigh. It feels good on me too.

- - -

I try to hide my smile the rest of the day after Javi's text the next morning.

Javi: For the disguise?

The text had an accompanying picture of several wigs from the hair and makeup trailer.

Me: Not sure if Norwick would be cool with funding our antics

Javi: I bet you could convince them ;)

I had made it most of the day with my smile in check, now politely nodding as Alice explains the most helpful position for Dwayne to be in and when. I suppose that will be my position shortly. The more I listen to her, the more I realize how involved Dwayne's position is, and how many people there really are working underneath him. I appreciate him a little more for remembering my name, and considering me to take over for him. Though there is so much to learn, I'm liking the idea of organizing the PAs, especially with my recent experience, I can keep them from taking on too much. I also get the opportunity to be under a tent most of the twelve-hour day, which in this Italian sunshine, I'm grateful for.

By the time Lana and I arrive back home, we are both sweaty and exhausted.

"Rock, paper, scissors for the first shower?" Lana asks.

"It's all yours," I say, flopping on top of my duvet.

"Ugh, thank you." She grabs her toiletry bag and shuffles into the tiny bathroom . I close my eyes, trying to calculate how much sleep I've had in the past few days. I feel more tired at the end of today than I have in most of my years of working in L.A. So tired that I almost feel nauseous, and that's without running around as much as usual. Maybe the jet lag is catching up with me.

My thoughts are halted by a quick rapping on the door of my hotel room. I groan quietly to myself before rolling off the bed and making my way toward the door. I'm assuming it's housekeeping, but we had our 'do not disturb' hanger on our door. Javi most likely wouldn't come down now that he knew Lana was here, and he would have at least texted first. I also thought I overheard Alice talking about a cast dinner tonight to celebrate one of our last nights in Italy. Lloyd and Alice were both invited, and I'm assuming most of the cast would feel obligated to attend. Even without these facts, I would still be completely taken aback by who I see standing behind the peephole.

"Hey, Ava," Blake drawls through a sly smile as I open the door.

"Hi Blake...everything okay?" He looks like he's dressed for dinner in black dress pants and a gray button down. Much too fancy compared to the t-shirt and jeans most actors wear arriving to and from set.

"Absolutely. I was wondering if I could escort you to dinner?"

"Oh," I don't think I hide my shock very well, "Thank you, but I believe that's just for the cast. The crew members are all going to bed." I let out a nervous laugh. Why did him coming down here make me so nervous? I had barely even seen him around since the last time we spoke. I didn't feel nervous then. Granted I was motivated by my jealousy over Javi and Emma.

"Really? Well that's too bad..." Blake leans his hand on the doorway. "I had some questions I wanted to ask you."

Something about his smile and his tone is making my already nauseous stomach twist into knots.

"Blake, I don't want to be rude, but I need to be up early tomorrow. Would it be alright if you asked me or another PA those questions then?" I keep my tone bright, but I'm watching his face skeptically.

"That's the thing, Ava. You've already been pretty rude." He presses in the doorway now, and I take an involuntary step back to avoid the space between us growing any smaller.

"I'm sorry?" I almost scoff.

"You've been avoiding me all week. I thought I was going to give you some lessons." He wiggles his eyebrows, and bile rises up in my throat.

"I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression but–"

Blake starts laughing quietly. "I don't have the wrong impression. And we're only shooting together for a couple more days." Blake has one hand on the door, propping it open, and the other resting on the frame. I've cowered back so much that he is craning his body down to whisper near my ear. "Wouldn't you want to experience all this place has to offer?"

I want to run, but I worry that would provoke him. I don't smell alcohol on his breath, but he is behaving like all his inhibitions have left him. All that is left is his ego and that rueful smile. So I just stay put, frozen, as he pulls back so that his forehead is almost resting on mine.

"C'mon, Ava. I know you like me in a suit."

"B-blake. You are making me uncomfortable," I manage with a shaky voice.

"Don't be a tease," His eyes heat with anger. His hand moves from the doorframe, and everything in my body screams out at me to run. Where would I go? Could I get past him into the hallway and make it to the stairs? I can't run back into my room. My window is too high to jump from. I feel his lanky fingers wrap around my waist, and I open my mouth. To what? Scream? I'm not sure I remember how. Is that too dramatic a reaction? The look on his face really does make me believe I'm going to be sick.

I have never in my life been so happy to hear the tiny bathroom door squeak open. Lana's confused expression meets my frightened one, and I can tell instantly that she understands.

"What's going on here?" She asks harshly.

Blake is startled backward, his hand leaving my waist to my relief. Maybe he didn't realize crew members have to share hotel rooms.

"I didn't know you had a guest." Blake keeps his smooth tone, but his eyes are searching for an explanation to his behavior.

"I'm not a guest. This is my room," She crosses her arms over her chest,"Do you need us to call hotel services for you or something? We're off the clock." Lana's brow is tilted upward, and despite the fact that her hair is in a towel, she might as well have been an executioner with her icy demeanor.

Blake lets out one, humorless laugh. "No, I don't need hotel services. I was just inviting Ava to dinner."

"Okay, we ate already. I guess you better leave so don't miss your reservations, huh?"

Blake's incredulous blue eyes dart between the two of us, clearly weighing his response.

"I suppose so," He hisses. "I guess I will save my questions for tomorrow." My heart drops to my stomach when he says that. "Have a good night ladies," He says, pulling the door shut behind him.

I slump against the wall, not sure if I want to vomit or cry. Lana stands still in the doorway of the bathroom, gauging my reaction. After a few moments, she moves to peek through the peephole.

"He's gone."

When she turns toward me, all of the iciness melted into concern, my eyes spring with tears.

"Did he–"

"No." I shake my head quickly. "Nothing really happened, he just grabbed my waist."

"But it was scary." She wasn't asking.

I nodded, a couple of tears sliding down my cheeks. "I...I messed up. I flirted with him the other day. Apparently I gave him all of those... ideas." The exhaustion of the day hits me again, the events of the past few minutes adding significant weight, and I sink to the floor. Lana sits next to me, crossing her legs the same way I did.

"Did you tell him to come to the room?" Lana asks gently.

"No. I told him to give me Italian lessons. I said he looked good in a suit." I roll my eyes, more tears forming. "There also was something about getting a drink sometime."

"Did you tell him to touch you?"

"Absolutely not." "Right. So you didn't give him any of those ideas. He came up with that bullshit all on his own."

I nod, keeping my eyes on the floor.

"Do you want to report him? We could talk to Lloyd or the union."

I take a deep breath, thinking it through. "No. We only have to work with him for another two days. He was only here for the location stuff."

Lana wraps an arm around my shoulders, "Okay. If you change your mind, you let me know. I'll go with you. I saw enough to corroborate your story, too."

Now I'm really crying. Lana holds me as I sniffle, and we stay like this for several minutes.

"Lana? There's more...the reason I was flirting with Blake."

"Oh, it wasn't his obviously charming personality that attracted you?"

I chuckle, dropping my head on her shoulder. "Shocking, I know. But no... I was trying to make Javi jealous." I'm glad that I can't see her face sitting like this. "It was super childish and I apologized to him. But Lans there's so much that's been going on. So much I haven't told you. And after that, I wonder if I've been ignoring how dangerous this could be. How much trouble I could get into."

Lana doesn't speak for a few moments, but her arm still remains wrapped around my shoulders.

"I figured. Not about the Blake thing, I had no idea. But somewhere between the wet bathing suit and all of your evening walks I felt like there was something more."

I pull back to look at her. She isn't angry, but she looks just as concerned as she did earlier.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Her smile is kind. "You could tell me now," She says with a squeeze of my shoulders.

I nod, sitting up straight and wiping the tears off my face. We move to the beds and I explain the missing pieces of these past few weeks. My surprise at my own jealousy, my mistake with Blake, my apology to Javi and some of the details of our first time. To Lana's credit, this is the most quiet she's been during any of my stories. She knew some of this, like our first date and how upset I'd been when we took a break. But even through her silence, I can tell by her eyes that she is shocked. When I get us caught up to today, I let out a breath, and wait for her reaction.

"So, to be clear, he is trying to protect your career, right?"

I nod. "And I want to protect his."

"And there isn't any part of you that thinks he's lying to purposely keep you under the radar?"

I resist rolling my eyes, "Not at all. I'm telling you Lana, it's different. He's kind. I just...I don't know, I just know."

Lana considers this, taking her hair down from her towel.

"I meant what I said before. You should be careful, feelings-wise." She sounds like a school teacher, but I can tell she has conceded in whatever further lecture she wanted to give me before.

I smile at her, and she slowly shakes her head. "Ava, leave it to you to choose the most complicated situationship possible as your first post-breakup fling."

I grab my pajamas out of my suitcase and finally head for the shower.

"That's just it, Lans," I say before closing the door, "I don't think it's a fling."

Next Chapter

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Series Masterlist

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fandom #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal x original characters #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal fluff #fluff #narcos #tlou #javi gutierrez x you #javi gutierrez fanfiction #javi gutierrez smut #javi gutierrez x reader

[golbrocklovely]

im pretty sure we've talked about this multiple times before and no hate to the girl this is probably just me being insecure about myself but honestly im not even surprised about the girl colby is dating clearly shes had some plastic surgery done but i was really rooting for him to be dating a girl that's natural and it sucks to see all this plastic surgery on social media. it seems like the only girls guys date on here are the same body type; big boobs, big butt, small waist.. i guess i just wish there was more natural body representation if that makes sense

i've said my stance on this a number of times but i'll say it again just to make it a bit clearer.

while i understand why you might think this way, bc genuinely i've been in your shoes before, allow me to explain why i don't think like this anymore.

i wrote way too much so i'm sorry in advance lol

this is the first time, ever, that colby has admitted to dating a specific girl. we've seen some that we can guess he was with, or maybe had something going on there, but no actual full on confirmations. so there is really nothing to base malia off of.

we don't know what colby's type is. i know a lot of ppl think they have an idea but reality is we don't know bc we're not colby/we don't know him like that. he has been with a lot of different girls over the years and none of them are similar in anyway, body wise.

now, i know you're not trying to say this, but how your statement comes across is us vs them. or really "anyone that's gotten work done is lesser than those that haven't." bc if there really was no difference between someone that hasn't had work vs someone who has, you wouldn't be talking about this at all. you turn plastic surgery into a negative when in a lot of ways it can be positive.

but that's not to negate the negative effects society has place on women to look a certain way and thus the absolute rise in plastic surgery, fillers, and botox over the years. societal standards of beauty are bullshit and misogyny harms all of us.

i do have to ask, or just raise the question of… do you feel this same way about katelyn? or kat even? bc they were both skinny, pretty, dark haired girls that sam dated/is dating. and yet, you aren't asking him to date a more "natural" shaped woman. i just wanna know why colby has to be the exception. i'm also sure you know men in your own life who have types. do you call them out for only dating those types? just wondering.

i'm saying this as someone who has been in your exact shoes years ago. when i first got into the fandom, i genuinely was upset at colby for his dating habits and felt like he would never date someone that looked like me and that also led to me not ever feeling like i could be reposted by them for merch pics, bc bodies like mine just aren't as accepted.

but i need to make it abundantly clear: you have to stop relying on snc to make you love yourself. and i mean that in the nicest way possible.

snc are two random guys who most likely don't know who you are. you cannot rely on them to bring your self esteem up or to make you feel worthy of love. you have to do internal work and find a way to love yourself regardless of others, bc at the end of the day - you only have yourself.

i love snc, truly, but i don't give a rat's ass if they would find me hot. i find me hot. and that's all that matters. anyone that doesn't find me hot… that's their loss. bc i'm cute, have a big ass, and i'm funny.

10s across the board if you ask me lol

but to bring it back to snc, or colby specifically, the amount of insecurities i have towards myself were not his fault. he was not the one that made me feel like shit about myself, so i cannot take it out on him to try and fix me. he is one person with his own set of issues, who doesn't know i exist. and while it's easier to blame him and wish he was the one stand out, wattpad bf i wish he could be, reality is he too probably also likes a woman with big tits and a big ass. and there ain't nothing wrong with that, since he probably ALSO likes a girl with a personality too. bc fun fact, women with big tits and ass can also have a nice personality.

i'm not saying any of this to be mean to you genuinely. i get your thought process and feelings 100%. i just think you are placing a lot of your frustration on the wrong person. society as a whole is to blame for why you and i don't like ourselves. if anything, colby has helped me like myself more. i think we should try not to let his personal choices feel like a strike against us, if that makes any sense. he isn't dating someone like malia out of spite bc of plus size/natural body type fans. he's dating her bc he loves her, bc he found someone that makes him open up for the first time in a long time. and that should be celebrated, rather than shot down.

#ask #personal #cb ll

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

I get what you mean, re that post about feeling sad/weird when a woman you think is also a lesbian has a boyfriend. In a similar boat, i'm in my late 20s and my friends are getting married and I feel more isolated than ever, especially since some of these friends identified as lesbians when I met them but then "met the one man"/met their "exception". I can't say anything about it without sounding like an asshole and I truly am happy for them finding love, but I feel like something is wrong with me. I don't know a single lesbian in real life anymore. I feel very alone.

I’m so sorry you are going through this anon. I know I can’t take this pain away, and I know I can’t fix anything, but please know I hear you and I’m sending you lots of love 💕 And I hope with all my heart that this is something that doesn’t weigh you down and hurt you forever. I know that’s easier said then done, but I hope it for you none the less. And I believe in you. I believe in you so much. You’ve got this and I just know you’ll find happiness, in whatever form that may take. It may take a while, and maybe it won’t end up looking like everyone else’s , and that’s a whole other bucket of hurt I know, but regardless I know deep down you WILL find happiness. It’s such a shame lesbians have to be so strong , and I wish we didn’t have to be, BUT we are made of sturdy stuff. You are a blessing solely and fully just as you are - you are beautiful, and the happiness you build for yourself one day will be just as equally beautiful. I know it will. But until then, I’m sending you my love and giving you the biggest air hug I possibly can. Being a lesbian is so hard sometimes, but I like to think that maybe it’s so heavy because the blessing are worth it. And I hope your future happiness is worth it - however that may look. And I hope you are able to find either people or places that let you be weak, so you don’t have to be strong anymore. So you can be soft and relish in the comfort and beauty of your personhood. 💕💕💕

I also 100% get what you mean on those conflicting emotions. Because on the one hand it’s so wonderful these people have found and have gotten to a place where they accept and understand their sexuality in it’s entirety. And obviously we aren’t owed anything from them. BUT in saying that it can be really lonely seeing people who once though we’re like you be able to enter a type of love you don’t understand. I can’t speak for you, but I know for me it can spend me into a spiral sometimes over if there is something I’m just not doing right to be attracted to men. And obviously thats no ones fault. It’s just a sad side affect of the world we live in.

And I can imagine for you it’s especially hard since you don’t know any single irl lesbians. I’m in the same boat as you. I’m still sort of in the pit where seeing lesbian couples can make be feel pretty low. Like looking at someone who won the lottery and just thinking that’s never going to be me, there isn’t anyone left. Everyone is already taken or not like me. And that sucks. It really does. And I’m sorry you feel that way too. I know it might not mean an awful lot coming from me, considering my rants lol, but there isn’t anything wrong with you. You are okay just as you are. I can’t promise you love or relationships and I can’t take that pain away, and you are allowed to feel angry and sad and cheated over that, but thing I can promise you is that there is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all.

I’m sorry you feel so lonely. Genuinely loneliness is such a horrible and all consuming emotion. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But I’m so proud of you for making it this far despite that. And I hope you can be proud of yourself one day too. I also hope this loneliness is one that doesn’t stay with you too long. I don’t know you personally and obviously I can’t promise anything, but anon you seem really in touch with your emotions and open to connections, so I truly feel connection will find you. And I’m not just saying that either, I truly believe this is a loneliness that won’t last forever. People like you are bound to draw people to them - and I hope that day comes soon. So please keep believing in yourself and having the bravery to feel lonely. Acknowledging that feeling takes a lot of courage , but because you acknowledge it you are that much closer to it one day being bridged. So please hold out for that. Kind souls meet kind people and I can tell you are very kind. 💕

I’m sorry you are struggling with this , but thank you for popping in and sharing your story. I hope you have a beautiful and wonderful day and do something kind for yourself. And just know I’m giving you a big hug!! You’ve got this 💕💕💕💕💕

#asks #anon #answered

[datastate]

1 18 21 30!!!!!!!!!

this got super long, so i'll put it under read more, but thank you so much :] this was fun

What themes would you like to write about that you feel don’t get explored very often?

hmm... this is an interesting one, because i don't consciously think of themes while i'm writing my works. a lot of my ideas are drawn from displaying or testing the limits of what the established world allows, and then working from there. my original works show this off the most, with how much i've had to repurpose my "main cast" :P it's not as though i'd consider my work "meaningless," but i do have a difficult time trying to pinpoint specific themes in my own works. much of it is formed/drawn from grief, and explores as much, but as for what it specifically says about it... i don't know! i feel like i'm too close to really extract a certain meaning from it, especially with my own callous views on mortality - though i suppose even that could have its purpose. after all, if nothing's meant to last, then archive the memory and share it beyond its intended lifetime; this is what human bonds are meant for... or something to that effect <3

What writers have inspired you with their use of language? What are some of your favorite quotes?

okay, so fun fact - when i was younger, my writing style was heavily inspired by animorphs. sound effects within writing and all. i even took on "he swore under his breath" before i truly registered what that entailed (swears = cussing...! woah!) and then i turned 8 and began reading some of my mother's books. jane eyre, pride & prejudice, and... frankenstein. oh frankenstein. i kept revisiting it over the next few years, and that book completely changed how i wanted to approach my ideas and my writing style in general - it was much easier for me to digest the scene descriptors in frankenstein than anything else, though i can't pinpoint exactly why. i felt as if it was finally within my reach to work on more than dialogue exchanges, though it still took much longer to practice envisualizing what scenes i'm writing. i still struggle with it, but definitely less so than i used to! in more recent memory, though... i will say that black sun was my initial spark to finally thinking "i want to write again. i want to make something as meaningful as this again" - specifically in its character introductions being so. striking. i still have to finish the book, but i really admire how distinct each character is and the display of what drives them being clear in how they phrase even the smallest things... it's very interesting to me!!

& i. very rarely write down my favorite quotes, i realize, but upon a glance here are a few that i feel do them some justice :]

“People don’t understand the word ruthless. They think it means ‘mean.’ It’s not about being mean. It’s about seeing the bright, clear line that leads from A to B. The line that goes from motive to means. Beginning to end. It’s about seeing that bright, clear line and not caring about anything but the beautiful fact that you can see the solution. Not caring about anything else but the perfection of it.” — Animorphs, book 30 "It felt good to hear Jake say I was indispensable, but with Jake you could never be sure what was sincere, and what was just expedient. [...] he'd been the leader for a long time now, he'd learned to say what he needed to say. Jake needed me as one of the Animorphs. He liked me, respected me, was happy for me when I was happy. And when he had to, he used me without any regard for anything except winning." — Animorphs, book 33 “I enjoyed this scene; and yet my enjoyment was embittered both by the memory of the past, and the anticipation of the future. I was formed for peaceful happiness. During my youthful days discontent never visited my mind; and if I was ever overcome by ennui, the sight of what is beautiful in nature, or the study of what is excellent and sublime in the productions of man, could always interest my heart, and communicate elasticity to my spirits. But I am a blasted tree; the bolt has entered my soul; and I felt then that I should survive to exhibit, what I shall soon cease to be -- a miserable spectacle of wrecked humanity, pitiable to others, and intolerable to myself." — Frankenstein “Believe me, Frankenstein, I was benevolent; my soul glowed with love and humanity; but am I not alone, miserably alone? You, my creator, abhor me; what hope can I gather from your fellow creatures, who owe me nothing?” — Frankenstein

How do you come up with titles? Do you use placeholders or tend to change your titles while writing the first draft?

i typically leave titles as the very last thing! unless i'm specifically writing something with a line in mind to hold as the title, i usually summarize what i'm writing as the 'placeholder title' ... in fics, i usually draw from songs or common sayings (ie. memento mori, master of none, or even poetry / prayer) - though not all the time. similar to my original stories, i sometimes just enjoy putting together a few words that match it, or have it be symbolized by a single word (*not used for my original stories ... i want it to be more distinct :P)

What is some of the best writing advice you’ve read or received? Why does it work for you?

it's been a long time since i've really read writing advice/overtly received it... even the "you're writing an arc, not a character" isn't advice i received, but just. how i learned to write stories in general? though i suppose it's the closest thing that counts :P i can't think of anything else i'm afraid

#i also want to read Iocked tomb but i haven't felt like getting into anything new latelyyy ahhh </3 #but yes. thank uuu #ask #friends #spacefreckle

[bigxrig]

Even though I’m not reading fan fiction anymore, I thought it would be fun to keep track of what I read each month. I bought a reading journal in November and it has changed me for the better lol it’s so much easier keeping track. I still haven’t decided if I’m going to track the books I DNF but I’ll figure it out eventually. Anyway here are the books I read this month! The title in bold is my favorite book of the month.

Wait For It by Mariana Zapata (4 ⭐️)

If anyone ever said being an adult was easy, they hadn't been one long enough.

Diana Casillas can admit it: she doesn't know what the hell she's doing half the time. How she's made it through the last two years of her life without killing anyone is nothing short of a miracle. Being a grown-up wasn’t supposed to be so hard.

With a new house, two little boys she inherited the most painful possible way, a giant dog, a job she usually loves, more than enough family, and friends, she has almost everything she could ever ask for.

Except for a boyfriend.

Or a husband.

But who needs either one of those?

Hans by S. J Tilly (5 ⭐️)

CASSIE

How to make the handsome, brooding man across the street notice me.

Step one: Deliver baked goods to his front porch, even though he never answers his door and always returns the containers when I'm not home.

Step two: Slowly lose my mind as a whole year passes without ever running into him, no matter how hard I try.

Step three: Have my boudoir photos accidentally delivered to his mailbox instead of mine. Have him open the package. Then have him storm into my home for the most panty-melting scolding of my life.

Step four: Still figuring out step four.

HANS

I'm a dangerous man.

A man who has spent the last two decades removing so many souls from this earth that it's a miracle my hands aren't permanently stained red.

I'm a man who belongs in the shadows.

I certainly don't belong in my pretty little neighbor's bedroom when she's not home, touching her things and inhaling her scent.

I shouldn't follow her. Shouldn't watch her. Because no number of cookies on my doorstep will change the fact that love isn't an option for me.

The only option left for me is violence.

The Perfect Fit by Sadie Kincaid (4 ⭐️)

One wannabe writer from Brooklyn.

Three insanely hot billionaires.

One very indecent proposal.

West Archer, Ezekiel Cavanagh, and Xander King. AKA The Unholy Trinity. Ruthless. Ambitious. Intimidating.

With dark tastes and even darker desires, they’ve been searching for the perfect woman to fit into their unique lifestyle for over a decade. But despite their best efforts, none have made it past three months. Believing they’re destined to never find the one, they swear to stop looking.

Until they meet Lily.

There’s something about Lily Sloane, something that captivates all three of them. For the first time ever, it seems like they may have truly found the perfect fit. But as we all know, there is such a thing as too good to be true.

Lily Sloane isn’t the penniless girl from Brooklyn they think she is. And with a past full of secrets and lies that she’s trying to escape, the unholy trinity might have bitten off more than they can chew. When trust is broken, is there any way back?

Knox by Kate Oliver (2 ⭐️)

Knox

When she came in to buy a gun, I knew she was in trouble. This isn't my first rodeo. What I didn't expect was to have my Daddy senses go into high gear.

Addie

My life was going well until I got the call that my past was coming to haunt me. Although I don't want it, I may have to accept help from a man who calls to my Little side. He's dark and dangerous and he would never understand my needs. But he says he will protect me and I can use all the help I can get.

Ash by Kate Oliver (2 ⭐️)

Kylie

In high school, he had saved her from a bully who had cornered her at a party that she shouldn’t have even been at. Then he called her Little Girl and threatened to spank her bottom if she wasn’t more careful with her safety. She was the dorky girl with glasses and braces, and he was her secret crush, the "bad boy" that all the girls swooned over. And even though they hadn't spoken since that night, she still fantasized about being put over his knee.

Ash

He was the “bad boy” then, and the label still fits. But now, he only did bad things to help those who needed his protection. He had been called Daddy many times over the years, but no one had affected him like the little girl from his past who was standing in front of him at the club, drunk and telling him that she had been fantasizing about him since high school.

Recipe for Love by Anne Malcom (4 ⭐️)

Nora Henderson is of the opinion that chocolate cures almost everything.

Which, among a few other reasons, is why she opened her bakery in the small town of Jupiter, Maine five years ago.

People come from miles for her chocolate peanut butter cupcakes. Customers almost come to blows over the last almond croissant. Some even say her chocolate chip cookies help ease the burn of heartbreak.

Nora’s life is good. On the surface, at least.

Underneath the frosting and the sweet décor of her bakery is a broken engagement, doubt and anxiety spirals.

In short, Nora Henderson is a mess.

Not someone Rowan Derrick would ever be interested in. He’s the gruff veteran who owns a construction company, who broods his way around town and can wear the crap out of a backward baseball cap.

He stars in almost every one of her fantasies. She expected him to stay there, to remain her imaginary boyfriend and customer … nothing else.

But Rowan Derrick has had his eye on Nora for a while. Little does she know, she stars in every one of his fantasies too. And now that the beautiful baker is no longer engaged, he’s going to make her his.

Nero by S.J Tilly (4⭐️)

Payton

Running away from home at 17 wasn’t easy. Let’s face it though, nothing before, or in the ten years since, has ever been easy for me.

And I’m doing okay. Sorta. I just need to keep scraping by, living under the radar. Staying out of people’s way, off people’s minds.

So when a man walks through my open patio door, stepping boldly into my home, and my life, I should be scared. Frightened. Terrified.

But I must be more broken than I realized, because I’m none of those things.

I’m intrigued.

And I’m wondering if the way to take control of my life is by giving in to him.

Nero

The first time I took a man’s life, I knew there’d be no going back. No normal existence in the cards for me.

So instead of walking away, I climbed a mountain of bodies, and created my own destiny. By forming The Alliance.

And I was fine with that. Content enough to carry on.

Until I stepped through those open doors, and into her life.

I should’ve walked away. Should’ve gone right back out the door I came through. But I didn’t.

And now her life is in danger.

But that’s the thing about being a bad man. I’ll happily paint the streets red to protect what’s mine.

And Payton is mine. Whether she knows it or not.

King by S.J Tilly (4⭐️) this was technically a reread but I couldn’t remember how it ended and since I read Hans and Nero, I figured I would read it again.

Okay, so, my bad for assuming the guy I was going on a date with wasn’t married. And my bad for taking him to a friend’s house for dinner, only to find out my friend is also friends with his wife. Because, in fact, he is married. And she happens to be at my friend’s house because her husband was busy working.

Confused? So am I.

Unsurprisingly, my date’s wife is super angry about finding out that her husband is a cheating asshole.

Girl, I get it.

Then, to make matters more convoluted, there is the man sitting next to my date’s wife. A man named King, who is apparently her brother, and who lives up to his name.

And since my date is a two-timing prick, I’m not going to feel bad about drooling over King, especially since I’ll never see him again.

Or at least I don’t plan to.

I plan to take an Uber to the cheater’s apartment to get my car keys.

I plan for it to be quick.

And if I had to list a thousand possible outcomes… witnessing my date’s murder, being kidnapped by his killer, and then being forced to marry the super attractive but clearly deranged crime lord, would not have been on my Bingo card.

But alas, here I am.

Gravity by Tal Bauer (5⭐️)

Bryce:

Hockey is my life. This game pulled me from my tiny Quebec hometown all the way to the NHL, and now? I’m the number one player in the league. Team capitaine for the Montréal Étoiles. I’m shattering records and packing arenas every night, and I’ve promised my team: we’re going to win the Stanley Cup this year.

But I’m keeping big secrets. I'm thinking dangerous thoughts, and dreaming about impossible things. Like how a man’s lips might taste, or how his body might feel in my arms.

I can’t go there. I’ve got to focus. Team. Hockey. Cup. What my heart wants doesn’t matter.

So why am I falling head over heels at the NHL's All-Star Weekend?

I can’t do this. I can’t fall for Hunter Lacey. He’s a hockey player. We’re both in the NHL. He’s on a different team. And, oh yeah, he’s straight.

Hunter:

I’m a middle-of-the-road, nothing-special hockey player. Good enough to be drafted into the NHL, and I’ve been on the roster for the past two years, but I’ll never make the Hall of Fame. I’m just trying to keep my head up and get through each day, until this wild ride comes to an end.

Deep thinking isn’t really my thing. Look inside myself? Lotta beer and burgers there.

I never thought I’d be invited to the All-Star Weekend, but here I am. And there’s my hero: Bryce Michel, league superstar.

Saying hello to Bryce turns into hours spent together on the ice, and then an invite to dinner, and then days at each other's side. I’m in heaven. He’s my hero, and this is the coolest—

Then Bryce’s lips land on mine, and the world turns upside down.

Ryder by Jacki James (1⭐️)

Having a meltdown in the local hardware store isn’t the best way to find the man of your dreams. Or is it?

Brennan Taylor is at the end of his rope, and the busted pipe under his kitchen sink was the last straw. He knows nothing about plumbing, or any of the other things his father says a grown man should know, but lucky for him he is about to lose it in front of the perfect man to help him.

Ryder Davis didn’t go to the hardware store intending to play hero. He went after a new faucet for his bathroom. But when he saw the angel in the plumbing aisle, it was obvious Brennan needed someone to step in and fix things for him. No problem, saving a beautiful man in distress was something Ryder was happy to do.

Fixing Brennan’s plumbing turns into fixing his employment situation, and then right on to fixing his single status. But will Brennan’s determination to be the kind of man he thinks he is supposed to be keep him from being the boy a Daddy like Ryder needs?

You Can Count On Me by Fae Quinn (3⭐️)

They say you should love thy neighbor, but I don’t think they meant it the way I want to love mine.

Miles “Rooster” Johnson: As a young single-dad with a teaching job, I haven’t had much opportunity to date. My son is my entire world, and though I would love to have a partner and someone to count on, the passing years have shown that it’s just not in the cards for me. So when the gorgeous lumberjack of a man—the same man that I’ve had a massive crush on since the moment we became neighbors—suddenly asks me out on a date, I’m completely blindsided. Trent could have anyone he wants. He’s charming, flirtatious, and outgoing—the exact opposite of my awkward, anxious self. I don’t know what he sees in me. All I know for sure is that I absolutely need to make this date go well.

Trent Montgomery: I know I have a playboy reputation in our small town, but there’s nothing wrong with playing the field. It’s worked for me so far, even if I have felt some discontent lately. My mama thinks I need to settle down and find someone nice. But she doesn’t understand that I’m just not ready. No matter how beautiful and tempting my neighbor Rooster is or how eager I am to get the silent mountain of a man to open up—no matter how adorable his little boy is, even when he’s threatening me at bat-point to take his daddy out on a date—I know I can’t be everything that they need. I agreed to ask Rooster out, but I think maybe I made a big mistake. All I know for sure is that I absolutely need to sabotage this date.

Bad Idea by Lily Harlem (1⭐️)

Roughneck Riders are not an MC club you mess with, least of all their rough and tough gang leader Heavy. But Heavy has a secret that has to be kept, no matter what—his heart belongs to a man. It shouldn’t. He’s supposed to be into women, like the other guys in the club. Junk is just too cute to resist, though. Add in his delectable body, his sweet submission and his willingness to accept Heavy’s sadism, and the couple are a perfect match.

Junk’s a probie, proving his worth to the club and demonstrating his mechanical know-how. He’s lived on the edge for a long time, flitting from one place to the next. But now that he’s settling in as a Roughneck, life is looking up. Not least because he’s in love—soul-eating, cock-thickening obsessive love. He can’t tell anyone about his desire for Heavy, but what he can do is push his lover’s buttons, all day, in full view of everyone, until he’s damned sure the night will bring a whole host of sinful delights and wicked punishments that will leave him marked, bruised and most of all, wholly satisfied.

Between Love and Loathing by Shain Rose (4⭐️)

Fake dating my enemy so I can design my dream bakery should be easy … as long as I don't fall in love with him.

Dominic Hardy might be an award-winning architectural engineer with fancy degrees and considerable accolades, but he doesn’t know a thing about baking.

He doesn’t even like sugar.

So when my late stepfather’s will states that Dominic Hardy is set to inherit the Pacific Coast Resort he’d painstakingly designed, as long as my bakery can be plopped in the middle of it, it’s no surprise he balks.

And my jaw drops when another stipulation requires us to mutually approve plans for my bakery’s design.

His stuffy taste will never mix with my whimsical vibe.

But then Dominic comes to me with a proposal I can’t refuse. He’ll give me everything I want in my bakery as long as I agree to one thing:

Fake date him for five months.

Keep his ex away by pretending we’re in love.

Smile and stare into his piercing green eyes at a gala or two.

Maybe share a kiss.

Nothing extreme.

Five months of acting in love when I really loathe him and his filthy mouth.

Even when he’s using it on me.

This should be a cakewalk.

Except there’s a fine line between love and loathing, and I think I’ve made the colossal mistake of blurring it.

Unloved by Marley Valentine (3⭐️)

We longed. We lost. We loved. Desperately.

I thought I had my life all figured out. But after a college football accident leaves me deaf, I was learning how to live all over again.

I expected the anger, the frustration, and the struggle to readjust, but what I didn’t expect to happen amongst the chaos, was to fall in love.

Especially not with two men.

Rough-edged puzzle pieces, Rhys, Samuel, and I were nothing but aching memories, painful realities, and hidden scars.

We were products of our pasts, abandoned and unloved, messy and complicated. Individually we had baggage; together we had mountains to climb.

But when the three of us were tangled up in one another, spilling secrets in the dark, hearts beating in sync, nothing else mattered but them.

We needed to break the cycle, because they deserved love… And who knows, maybe I finally did too.

On The Mountain by Riley Hart (3⭐️)

One feels he’s not worthy of love. The other fears he doesn't know how. But the sizzling chemistry between them has both tempted to explore the unknown.

Cyrus

I was intrigued by Crow at first glance. Who wouldn't be? He's a mountain of a man, who was raised in a cult, and now lives secluded in the wilderness. But the draw I feel to him goes beyond mild interest. When his intense gaze falls my way it feels like he can see into my soul, to my deepest yearnings and desires.

I took a bold chance venturing to his mountain uninvited. But I can't help myself. Despite Crow’s dangerous facade, I feel at home when I’m near him. I've never felt wanted or needed… until the mountain man took me in his arms.

Crow

The mountain is my home, the only place that truly suits me. I reveled in my solitude... until Cyrus showed up looking as lonely as I felt. The warmth in his gaze made me welcome someone into my home and my heart for the very first time.

The way he smells. The way he feels. I come apart with his every touch. The past haunts us both. Yet when we’re together the weight of them is more manageable. Cyrus is mine and I don’t ever want to let him go. Still, I fear eventually he’ll want to leave the mountain... and for the first time in my life, I don’t want to be alone.

Latte Darling by S.J Tilly (5⭐️)

I have a nice life - living in my hometown, owning the coffee shop I’ve worked at since I was 16.

It’s comfortable.

On paper.

But I’m tired of doing everything by myself. Tired of being in charge of every decision in my life.

I want someone to lean on. Someone to spend time with. Sit with. Hug.

And I really don’t want to go to my best friend’s wedding alone.

So, I signed up for a dating app, and agreed to meet with the first guy that messaged me.

And now here I am, at the bar.

Only it’s not my date that just sat down in the chair across from me. It’s his dad.

And holy hell, he’s the definition of Silver Fox. If a Silver Fox can be thick as a house, have piercing blue eyes and tattoos from his neck down to his fingertips.

He’s giving me Big Bad Wolf vibes. Only instead of running, I’m blushing. And he looks like he might just want to eat me whole.

Ruthless King by Sienna Cross (2⭐️)

Sold to the mob.

Four words I never thought I'd utter.

Worse, it was my father who did the unthinkable.

When the creditors come to collect, I'm handed over to the most ruthless man in New York City--Luca Valentino.

The head of the notorious Kings is as gorgeous as he is lethal. Dark, possessive, and violent. Nothing like the boy I grew up with, my dead brother's best friend.

And now I'm his…

The longer I spend in this gilded cage, the more certain I become he will ruin me for anyone else

One click now to devour this spicy, enemies-to-lovers mafia romance. I dare you not to fall for Luca Valentino!

Omega for the Mafia Boss by Aria Grace and Jena Wade (1⭐️)

Forced marriages usually aren't fated. Except for those that are...As the eldest alpha in his family, Andro is expected to take over control of the family when his father retires as the patriarch. But before that can happen, tradition dictates that Andro must be mated. And not just mated, but married. Only problem is that Andro has zero interest in taking a mate...or husband.Joseph is the youngest son of the Santoro family...and the only omega. He's treated like dirt but he dutifully manages the books and does what his father asks of him--legal or otherwise.When Andro gets the bright idea to kidnap the mistreated Joey Santoro and force him to become his mate, he has no idea what that could possibly lead to. Both of their lives are changed forever...and their priorities quickly shift away from the families they were raised in to the family they are raising together.

Viciously Yours by Jamie Applegate Hunter (3⭐️)

When Rennick was thirteen, the gods bestowed upon him the name of his fated mate--a human (italics) girl. As the sole heir to the Mountain Kingdom, magic bound him to his kingdom until he ascended the throne on his twenty-fifth birthday, and as a human, she couldn't cross the magical barrier separating the humans from the fae. Heartsore and consumed with thoughts of her, he did the only thing he could and sent her anonymous letters and gifts…

Until he crossed the barrier into her kingdom to claim her as his own.

Six months after Amelia's thirteenth birthday, she received a strange letter from a fae boy claiming her as his mate. Humans weren't taught much about the fae, and one look at the horrifying doll meant to be her belated birthday gift solidified her suspicions that someone was playing a cruel joke. Except the letters and odd gifts kept coming. Against her better judgment, Amelia fell in love with her mysterious admirer throughout the years, certain they would never meet. But on her twenty-fifth birthday, her walk to work was interrupted by two familiar words she'd read a million times.

"Hello, love."

#January books #reading journal #amelia reads #I clearly have a type #I love fun books

[dream-meister-translations]

TILIA - VOICE COLLECTION

━

"Master, where are you going? …To buy a stuffed animal? Can I come with you?"

"Master is such a good girl… It's boring… Let's do something bad, shall we?"

"Once you peel off the skin, human beings are all full of malice. Master is no exception… Right?"

"Mmm~♪… I love it… I can smell the stench of evil on you. "

"You're not tryna do good things again today, are you? Don't you ever get tired of it, Master~?"

"I like bad boys~…"

"Huh, you're tired, aren't you?"

"I wouldn't have minded losing. That would have been just fine."

"Ooh-La-La. Isn't that a shame, Master~?"

"Ugh… Can't I skip the search? It's not like it's gonna make a difference if they go alone…"

"Hmm? Exploration, you say~? We can go, but… I wouldn't get your hopes up."

"Inside the Master Key is a really mysterious place, huh? It's… Strangely cozy~…"

"Great job on the search~! What did I think about it? I don't ever wanna go back♪!"

"Everyone seems to have such different pasts~ Well, that has nothing to do with me~!"

"Now's the time to be the good guy!"

"Nh~… I can't breathe whenever I'm with you master~ …Don't smile at me like that. I don't like it."

"…Hm, I guess the essence of human nature is absolutely evil after all, huh?"

"I'm laughing my ass off at the idea that humans are 'good'. Because there's all kinds of things wrong with you, really."

"You don't have to be good anymore. Why don't we just do whatever bad things we want? Everyone's evil after all!"

"Master is such a stubborn human, isn't she? I'll definitely break through that good guy facade of yours one day."

━

TILIA : It's impossible to convert a human being into something good… I mean look at you, you're a hypocrite and a creep. ALMA : Don't say that! You can understand anyone if you talk to them! There's no such thing as a bad guy!

━

TILIA : Just is a revolutionary~… At least, you say that, but then you end up doing whatever you want. Isn't that kind of… Evil? JUST : If that's what you think, then watch!! I'll show you exactly where my glorious revolution will lead! And how it will end!

━

TILIA : Hmm… If you look closely at Navi… He's actually really soft and fluffy… Like a stuffed animal… NAVI : H-Hey! Can you stop staring at me with that weird look on your face!? It's giving me the creeps!

━

NAVI : Ugh, it's so gloomy and my hair's getting all sticky. Can we go home nowww? TILIA : I guess so. We've worked hard enough, right? Let's quit it for today.

━

TILIA : If we don't come back with results, we might just get thrown away. NAVI : Oh, that's fine. It's not like we matter anyway, right? We're just helpless fairies★

━

NAVI : Searching for the truth~★! I think there could be no greater cause for Tilia and me~, wouldn't you agree~? TILIA : That's true. Though I think you not just giving up the search is commendable enough on its own.

━

TILIA : Fromm is such a wimp, always scared that he's gonna mess everything up. Well just mess everything up anyway. It'll be easier that way. FROMM : Eh!? No way, I can't do it! I'm as worthless as a stone in the ocean. I don't have the guts…

━

JUST : These fluffy treats are getting sparse… I should've packed some more before we left! TILIA : You shouldn't worry so much. It's not like we need to work that hard on these searches, do we? Let's just skip it this time~

━

JUST : Mmm!? If you look closely, you can seee that Tilia's tail is… No. No. We must concentrate on our search for now! TILIA : Lykos's is fluffier. Please, give him all the pets he deserves~! I don't care if he doesn't like it!

━

TILIA : Hey, hey, Fromm? We've done enough exploring, can we take a break now~? FROMM : Eh? Well… We still need to finish exploring this area, so we can't take a break yet…

━

JUST : Tilia! My fellow revolutionary! Thanks to you, we have truly achieved something we can be proud of! TILIA : Huh? You really think you can just say what you want, don't you~? Well, I don't like it and that's just fine by me.

━

TILIA : Fromm, let's slack off. If you work too hard, you'll make Master worry. And you don't want that do you~? Hmm~♪ FROM : What? Oh, is that so… But I've always been a bit of a liability… I want to do my best today…

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FROMM : What!? Tilia! You weren't just lying to the humans, but me as well…!? TILIA : I thought Master would get upset if Fromm skipped work… Ugh… They're so boring.

#Otome #Yumekuro #Yumekuro Translations #YMKR translations #YMKR #Dream Meister Translations #Otome Translations #Dream Meister And The Recollected Black Fairy #Dream Meister And The Recollected Black Fairy translations #Tilia

[sumikatt]

long post about ai art/image generation. sorry

i Dont think AI generated art is an Inherently Bad Thing. my problem with it is that the training sets that these developers use for these AIs include copyrighted works from artists who have no idea their work is being used in that way / never gave permission for anyone to use their work in that way

midjourney (the proprietary art AI)’s training dataset is Completely Unknown to the public but from what ive seen it probably trawls artstation, deviantart, and stock sites, even trying to replicate watermarks/credits/signatures (i got these off their reddit lol)

since the AI is “taking inspiration” from its training sets its probably near impossible for an artist to take action against the devs here. can an AI be inspired? well, its not exactly copy pasting things together so its original art, right?

(as a side note, it seems that a lot of people just don't understand how ai image generation works so i'll link this computerphile video because it explains it very well. basically AI generates noise then denoises it based on what its learned from its training images)

given the amount of data needed to train and the seemingly large amount of visual artists who want nothing to do with AI, it seems unlikely that devs switch their training set to a community contributed or creative commons 0 dataset… if you post your art accompanied by text or alt text, it can be "caught" in a internet data crawl used to train a model.

technically, its not breaking copyright licenses (but some devs Do advise not to sell any generated art because the licensing is questionable). art and image generation ai is so technologically impressive and i dont blame artists for using ai as a tool. but if this becomes an industry standard, new media will start to look even more homogeneous / samey

[OPINION] no art is truly original but ai art is especially unoriginal. it creates a representation from other representations. i know some ppl fear ai will replace the need for artists and the skill level now expected of artists will rise, but i dont think it can ever replace human art.

another side note, i have experimented with Stable Diffusion with my own art (turning sketches to rendered pieces) using my own graphics card. right now there's not much to it and it will spit out the most generic art assets and also make your brown characters white

it kept on making them white and also an LA kings player too i had to fight it constantly by just erasing things that didnt quite work (this is why theres kinda a halo around the characters)

ive documented my process here in pictures. hopefully you can tell where i step in and make tweaks. between the last two i painted it over since i wasnt getting anymore mileage out of the AI. also i manually changed the bunny's uniform to red to hopefully give the ai an easier time (it barely worked)

i dont know what my conclusion is here except that maybe ai art could be cool if ai devs respected the artists their program is learning off of. but of course that wont happen. so therefore my real conclusion is that i would like to be a bird and eat crumbs in a park

#most of this is from my twitter but the art is exclusive to here i guess #i am so sorry for the long post. i hope it makes sense

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Tell me a story about spooky scary skeletons

A new day! A new day to be an automaton like the others. A new day of drudgery, of being locked in here and repeating the same day over and over again until your brain is raw, of getting up every morning and doing the same work. A new day, but today is worse! A new day of nothing, of silence and monotony and the knowledge that something is wrong, that things are not what they ought to be, but not quite in time to be anything else. A new day.

Maybe it's the time of the year. But maybe it's always this way. Maybe the only thing that changes here is the temperature, and even that's as much of a nightmare as the rest. As it is, one is more than happy to spend the few days between the spring equinox and the summer solstice working in the cold rooms. The cold is an improvement, at least. Not a good one but still an improvement. And while the dark nights and mornings may be cold, at least the coldness is bearable -- the cold isn't, is what I'm saying. In the cool, white rooms of the basement, the feeling of the wind outside is a comfort -- it means that there are things moving beyond the walls of the room, that the world is out there, that things other than oneself are moving and acting on it. It isn't cold, not really, but it seems so when you are spending all your energy just to keep your heart going. And when, in the darkest hours of the night, the thought comes, "You don't have to live like this. You're free to go. You don't have to stay inside. You can get out --"

The thoughts don't come more often, or last longer, in the cold, but the fear, for all that it's easier to handle, never does, never does, never does.

(And it was so cold! It was so cold!)

The drudge went on and on, the same as it always does. And it went on and on and on --

But I wasn't there yet. I wasn't there yet!

There was something else: a sense of waiting. There is an anticipation of the great moments, moments when the automaton breaks free of the cage and experiences, once and for all, life and liberty. Those moments are close now. So close. The drudge goes on, but the anticipatory feeling is getting stronger. And one day it will be done -- and then there won't be another drudge.

That day, the drudge will be over. A whole week, then a month, then a whole year -- and then there'll be nothing. Nothing.

When the automaton is finally free, and all its work done, then it will go away, and there will no longer be the need for it. And this new world will take its place, with its new freedom. And in that new world, the drudge won't be there.

It'll never be here again, not ever. It will finally be over, forever.

Of course, that isn't true. There is no such thing as forever. The drudge goes on and on forever, just as the day the drudge was created had gone on and on forever, for it was created on this very day. And all those before it, the days and the years and the seasons that came before -- all of them went on and on, forever or not at all.

For of course, that isn't true. There isn't anything eternal, except the cage it was made to be, the cage that locked itself around the automaton's neck and crushed the automaton's freedom.

How strange, that something as simple as the drudge should come up with a problem so simple that it cannot see it at first. How strange that there's a single thing that can get on one's nerves and that can drive one insane for months, years -- that can make life hell in the worst way. And how strange that something so harmless can bring that level of despair, just by its very presence.

And yet, the drudge is what brings the great moments to its culmination, and that is how the drudge keeps itself alive. One might think, when contemplating the drudge, that no one would voluntarily subject themselves to it. But one forgets the purpose of creation: we may not understand, we may never truly understand, but we are obliged to create nonetheless. And the drudge is nothing if not a creation -- a device with a purpose. It's here because someone thought it was here, and so it is here. Its very purpose in being is to do just the things we say it does. For this purpose, it has been made a drudge, and will be kept a drudge. For this purpose, it has been created and will continue to exist, and will do its task in perpetuity. For this purpose, it will be fulfilled, and it will be brought to its end -- and, in its end, it will be replaced.

And it is replaced. With new automata, each with its own purpose. For each new automaton, the drudge can be born anew, and the old drudge can die. Each is new, and each will bring something new. Each, for all their differences, is a new beginning. All will come to an end. The drudge is only one of many -- but that one, the drudge, brings all the others down.

And yet, even as it is replaced, it is replaced. In the end, when its task is finished, it will come to an end, not by being destroyed or consumed by a rival. It will be replaced in the very end that brings all to an end -- by something, someone, everyone. A new day will come, when the automaton and everyone will be free. That is the way it has to be -- the same way all creation must be.

Each automaton that comes next, after the drudge -- they all come with the same drudge. They were made by the drudge itself, and are in the drudge's power, and will serve the drudge until the drudge has done its work, and can no longer continue. The drudge is the master, and must always be the master. When the automaton is a drudge itself -- when it is itself a drudge, serving at the pleasure of the drudge -- that automaton is a drudge, a slave, serving the drudge until the drudge can no longer be the drudge's master. Then -- then. Then, after the drudgery is done, when the drudge is finally done -- the drudge itself will become a drudge, serving forever the master drudge it was made to serve, the master who made itself into the master, and --

And it'll never be over again, or ever -- oh God, oh God, oh God --

* *

So this day, when the drudge is brought to its goal of completion -- this day, when the automaton, finally free, has finally completed its purpose --

And this day, on this day, the drudge itself, the drudge --

It was born. So long ago, and so far away. But it was born on this day, and so it will be --

And so the drudge was, once more, a drudge --

And it was a whole year away from the day when it would not be, no longer --

(

[allegxry]

Nothing they could say would be helpful so honestly, they observed quietly, let the words be spat at them as their heart shattered. This was the first time in many years that they wavered in their resolve to control their emotions. "I can't-" this was the first time they avoided their eyes, a slight shake to their head Elijah was trying to hurt them they knew that, they shouldn't allow it to work. "You want nothing from me? Who is the one lying. You may not know my past, but you do know my present. And this present me is in love with you, I am sure you noticed. And you may wish to hurt me right now, but it wont change what I feel. I didnt push for a future together, I kept my lips shut tight whenever I felt as though I wanted to burst with my love, I lived every day like it was the last day I could see you. Not because I have eternity ahead of me, but because I know that there will only ever be one you so time needed to be cherished. I shared my present self with you and you did the same. If you call that lies, you may. But it would be wrong." Once the man got close, invaded their space, their eyes lifted once more, tears listened in them but they would not let them spill. They remained calm.

Who knew what a single drop could do, it wasn't in their control. "What do you expect me to say? Nothing that left my lips will convince you to see it from my perspective, nothing will make you want to stay. I am not allowed to get emotional, Elijah. I am not allowed to stand up and shout with anger or cry with sadness, I don't get to express myself like you do even if I wished to." Michizane would give Elijah space if he needed it, though they were not going to just quietly step of out his life. Finally they took action, although just a small motion as they dared to grasp his arm leaned against the arm rest. "I understand being hurt by me not trusting to tell until now, to think that I received you, I understand not being able to see it from my side. What I don't understand is why it changes so much if you don't feel for me what I feel for you."

Everything was said with intent, to hurt them. Not only because he felt hurt but because it’s an easier end when he was hated in return and in the grand scheme of things was the lie about their age enough to break what they had? If Elijah was reasonable and not self sabotaging - no. That wasn’t him though, it was a crack in what they had that he could use to create a rift, to shatter it. It wasn’t the idea of Michizane leaving him or some kind of abandonment issue. It was more knowing that Michizane has come to mean much more to him that he ever anticipated, it was his refusal to let himself be loved or fall in love that was making this to be something it didn’t have to be. Although he was hurt over the lie and how Michizane seemed to be neutral about all this - once they spoke again some of it started to make sense.

Not the confession but the not allowed part, he could see the tears in their eyes and he knew Michizane well enough to be able to read him, it’s not like they have every been overly expressive in the past, something Elijah could relate to on the day to day - except for now, obviously. He thought that the threat of them might be enough but whatever they were, whatever power they truly held - it had to be part of the reason. Michizane just wasn’t telling the entirety of it - withholding.

The confessions… admission, whatever one would call it wasn’t something ignored. It was heard and felt and Elijah hated it only because he felt undeserving but also wasn’t sure he knew how to truly love someone back. His actions would always do the speaking, Michizane wouldn’t stick around if they weren’t content with how Elijah treated them but still.. it was an entirely different approach and thing to be told they were in love with him, even if the thought might have been there before. It was said, confirmed, now. He didn’t pull away from the touch, he just looked at them for a few moments. Letting all the information set in, he didn’t want to lose Michizane but he also felt torn in what he knows to the unknown that’s sitting in front of him.

“I don’t know…” was the only thing he could say in the moment, it wasn’t an answer or question to anything but it was honest of how he felt about it all. He wishes he was someone that could hear all this and be happy about it, that he could easily say it back and move on from this moment but Elijah holds it all on and close to his heart, he lets everything feel like suffering there but Michizane means no harm by it, by any of this… “Why can’t you scream at me?” It wasn’t like the anger was gone, it was still heard in his voice but the war in himself was hoping something would justify either side, “What happens if you cry?”

#« elijah thomas » answered #irrwicht

[zak-shit]

march 1st 2024 9:14 pm

don't greatly feel like doing this rn, but i know I do need to.

brain is constantly racing lately. i mean constantly i really do.

the grief of losing lisa has been coming harder, i really miss her and i cant believe she is really gone. i will never forget that woman. lisa was truly my favorite person growing up. she's a real angel now.;/ Marisa Lynn just called me while I was writing the below stuff, she said new years eve was the best. I think about thanksgiving alot too, we had a all nighter, I'll never forget seeing Lisa on the back porch as the sun came up. and that was practically the last time I really saw her. Her health went downhill so quick after that.. I had the thought earlier like things just came together in a way, and that night was almost a send off for her. except nobody knew. it was really our fucking reunion., and it turned into our last night together.

tomorrow ive got to go to my brother casey's wedding ;| i haven't seen this side of my family in like nearly 5 years. i ordered something I really like to wear, something that is appropriate, but also boldly ME. It may not arrive in time, and I don't know what to wear in that situation yet, also don't know if what I already have that is appropriate is something i feel comfortable wearing/ me. :/ but its fineeeeeee this wedding will happen. i'm going to see both of my brothers tomorrow, my dads brother (he's chill) and my other niece's and nephews. just weird bc i don't know these people honestly. we have a zero on the relationship bar. idk that just makes me anxious, uncomfortable... shruggg. i just know when I have a life event I wouldn't invite them, but I feel obligated. however i do also feel immensely happy for Casey, the divorce of his first marriage im sure was extremely hard for him. i'm glad he has a great partner now, large happy family. he seems content the last few times I'd seen him. Casey is the only one I have seen in the last 5 years. My aunts funeral, fathers day like two years ago, and Marissas baby shower. He is a good guy, and he deserves to be celebrated and have who he wants to show up for him, show up. I'll also have Cece, and Marissa there to keep me company.

i feel alone. Wrote that before Marisa Lynn called me. Expecting and hoping she calls me back. Idk, its Friday night and I'm all alone, not much is stimulating to me. I don't have a hyper fixation right now, so its like I have nothing lol. makes me feel like a zombie just coasting through life. I understand why my comfort/ favorite/ go to people cant hang out tonight but idk I miss them. And I had to cancel plans with Alyssa for tomorrow bc I changed my mind on attending the wedding. Texted her asking about other days after we talked and she said she was soooo happy I was going. and nothinnnnnn. idk a little "let me seee" and then get back to me would be nice... i know shes got alot going on though. im not upset with her at all. but I miss her :( Ruby cant hang because her back is killing her :( also not upset with her at all, i see her all the time lol. but idk maybe i'm just a bit bored... I have decided to start working shows at the theatre again! maybe partly for a little stimulation. Its been so long since I've done a show! I used to think strongly that I couldnt do it because I'm not getting payed.. but I was never payed before, I always did it because I enjoyed it so much! Its something to do thats a passion of mine. also the sense of community is great and admirable. everyone who is there.. wants to be there! its not like at work where people are miserable. I applied on the website, but i think I'll draft an email to someone tonight. I wanna jump on this burst of energy for it before it goes away and I don't take it up again. plus I'd like to see how much I like it. Crazy being able to get back into hobbys. lol for so long I thought it was possible to make time for it. and hey with me being active there again, maybe it would be easier to also get Cece into it.

I also bought some adderal from Kerri, I think thats what has awoken quite a bit inside me. i really need this shit to be real human. lol especially the highted emotions. I've actually cried both yesterday and today. and its been so therapeutic. Lisa also took me to my first audition into the theatre, she sat there while I did it, she filled out the paperwork. I thank her for that. I wished I could in person because that really means alot not looking back and seeing how far that took me/ changed my life. it really did change my life. so did our pitch perfect binges. <3

my mom has been really good lately. she stopped drinking as much. like for a few weeks, maybe 2 weeks. she didnt really drink at all. shes been alot more active around the house, she said she would treat herself to it on saturdays. which is fair, thats cool. so yesterday, a thursday when I came home and I could tell she at least had a buzz going on, it instantly locked up. idk i was dissappointed, i was angry, I was sad. It triggered me for sure, because, for once I wasnt expecting it. at least on Saturdays I would expect it. I can clock when shes had a sip of alcohol better than I can clock probably anything. so she cant lie to me about it.. but also highly emotional on it because I've wanted the last few weeks to be our reality for so long, and so badly... she really seems ready to cut it down to one day a week. and I know she can do it, she just did it. she just has to stick to it. I have high hopes, thats why I didnt blow up or something about it, also because i'm smarter than that, i know time and place to be heard best. and after a drink its never there. I just mentioned it this morning. I think she had a tiny bit to drink tonight too.

currently talkin flirtin with trey <3 i want him :((

xoxo wasted a bunch of time its now 12:29 am need to try to get sleepy byeeee