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bvidzsoo · 2 months

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Love you, forever

❀Boyfriend!Mingi❀

TW: nothing, except angst and then fluff *cries*

Word count: 2,4k

A/N: Am I okay? Not really. Did Mingi's IG post send me into a spiral of depression? Kinda yeah. Did writing this help? Abso-fucking-lutely not, I'm even more in shambles, I don't even know what life is anymore guys, I'm hurting, bye. I'm fine, don't y'all worry, at least I'll be fine tomorrow lol Mingi's IG post really destroyed me, I'm a libra, I'm dramatic okay? Your feedback is appreciated! This little piece is for all of my fellow Mingtis' who are hanging on by a thread, love y'all! And please listen to Tunnel to get the feels even more going, trust me! *cries again*

I couldn’t help but sigh for the nth time as I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, chest tightening the longer I stared at my notebooks. It felt like nothing was going my way anymore, like everything was falling apart. I couldn’t define the tipping point of it all, but everything was starting to become too much. The stress, every new day brought more challenges without an obvious solution. The assignments felt like they were only adding up more and more, overtaking every thought of mine and only inducing more stress. Things started to become overbearing, I started feeling like a failure. There was a constant pressure on my chest, threatening, about to burst just at a simple innocent glance thrown my way by a stranger. I ignored it as best as I could, the thoughts and emotions, but it was getting harder day by day. It didn’t help that after a misunderstanding, my boyfriend wasn’t talking to me…everything just felt too much. Like I was overstimulated without a concrete reason, and not even my friends could help anymore. It felt lonely, it felt cold, and it felt downright depressing. It was fine as long as I wasn’t at home, as long as I wasn’t left on my own with my loud thoughts making me feel even more miserable.

It's been three days since we’ve spoken, Mingi and I, and it was maddening. I knew this didn’t mean the end of our relationship, but I never took it well when he was upset because of me. Especially when he was the one to pull away, to give me the cold shoulder. Especially not right now, when all I wished for was to curl up by his side and inhale his familiar cologne, closing my eyes and relaxing into my boyfriend’s arms. I needed him here, and I knew he needed his space when upset, but I felt like being selfish and just texting him. If the tears in my eyes weren’t proof enough that I was seriously on the verge of breaking, then I don’t know what else was. I sniffed loudly and pushed my notebooks aside, blood boiling just at the simple sight of them. It’s those damned notes which were making me feel like this, and the impeding feeling of failure, of failing another important class and never finishing this wrenched course and university altogether. It was frightening, and I didn’t want to be alone anymore. My friends were always a text away, but my body was craving the warmth of my boyfriend, my soul was yearning for his. I didn’t want to be alone anymore, and I didn’t want to drown and wallow in this horrible feeling anymore. I needed the love of my life next to me.

Quickly wiping my tears clean from my eyes, I adjusted my glasses on the bridge of my nose and unlocked my phone, noticing that I had gotten a notification from Instagram. At the beginning of our relationship, which was quite a few years ago, Mingi and I had set each other’s accounts to send notifications when one of us posted, being madly in love and eager to see what the other was up to. Despite the passing of time, and of our emotions only deepening, we never turned the setting off, and I was surprised to find a notification from his personal page. With another sniff, I clicked on the app and was presented with ten images of my boyfriend, out and about, enjoying his day. His black hair was fluffy and not necessarily styled, but the messy look always fit him extraordinarily. His bare face looked healthy, and it had a nice shine to it under the lightning of the place he was at, and I couldn’t help but sniff again as I scrolled through the pictures, trying to ignore the fact that the blue and greyish sweater he wore was a gift from me for his birthday two years ago. And perhaps the tears wouldn’t have sprung free from my eyes if it weren’t for that video in which he was dancing to the music softly playing in the background, locking and popping in tiny as he grinned and chuckled. Mingi was a dance major with a minor in music, and he was living his best possible life at the moment. He was happy and content with where he was at, and it always brought so much joy to my soul, but seeing him enjoying himself while I was wallowing in self-pity certainly set off an uncontrollable amount of tears and ugly gasps for air. It made me happy that he was doing okay, but seeing him made me miss him terribly, and I couldn’t help but close my phone and lay down on my bed, curling up into a ball as I cried into my pillow.

This crying session was really due time, the emotions bundled up for way too long now, but it still felt horrible that I had to try and push the feeling of loneliness away and comfort myself, while foolishly trying to smell Mingi’s cologne since I was wearing his oversized blouse. The only problem was that I had stolen it from him a long time ago and it didn’t carry his cologne anymore, it had my scent, and that just made me gasp for air as my heart clenched more, making me miss him even more. And perhaps if it weren’t for the sobs increasing in volume and the self-wallowing I was so focused on, I would’ve noticed or heard the jiggle of keys and the opening of the front door. But I was too busy ripping my glasses off my head and throwing them behind me, rubbing the heels of my palms roughly against my eyes and trying to calm my irregular breathing as my throat finally seemed to ease up, my chest somewhat lighter than before. But I knew the crying session wasn’t over, it was just a matter of time until another strong wave of sadness and yearning would hit me, sending me into another fit of ugly sobs. I just couldn’t help it, it felt like the world around me was falling apart and I couldn’t do anything about it, just let it ruin me in the process.

But as I pushed myself back up into a sitting position and rubbed the snot off my face with the sleeve of my blouse, I heard footsteps outside of my door, startling me. Very few people had keys to my apartment. Like my parents, bestest friend and…well, Mingi. We didn’t live together yet, we were planning on moving in together soon, but both of us had keys to each other’s apartments. And I knew it couldn’t have been my parents as they live five hours away and never visit on weekdays, neither could it be my best friend as she was away on a two-week business trip with her work colleagues. And that could only mean…that it was Mingi. And almost as if sensing my confused state, the door to my room opened and Mingi stood in the doorway, dressed and looking the same as in the pictures.

“Hey, I—baby?” His raspy voice was quiet and his eyebrows furrowed when his eyes fell on me. I sniffed loudly, frozen for a second, until another wave of yearning and loneliness hit hard, making me cry again as I stared at my boyfriend helplessly, “Oh my God, what’s wrong?”

He rushed inside, almost tripping over his feet, but made it to the bed safely and before he could really as much as reach out for me, I sprung forward and jumped on his lap, wrapping my limbs around him like a koala. Mingi grunted in surprise due to the sudden attack, but his arms were instantly wrapped around my middle as I held onto him tightly, hiding my face in his warm neck as I tried to control my breathing and stop the tears. He was here now; I wasn’t alone anymore. I had him and I would always have him, no matter what. His body was warm and soft against mine, so familiar as it engulfed mine into his, Mingi’s nose nuzzling against the top of my head as I slipped my fingers through his soft hair, sighing contently at the feeling of being held. In his arms, it was always as if the world disappeared, like it was just the two of us, like nothing and nobody could hurt us. He’s been the one and only man to ever make me feel like that, and it made me think quite often how lucky I was to have found such person. And Mingi’s sweet, yet musky scent finally made my sobs settle into loud sniffs, arms tightening around his neck involuntarily as if I was afraid he’d leave.

“Baby?” Mingi’s voice was small, almost afraid, as I felt a kiss pressed against the top of my head as he shifted, bringing us higher up on the bed as he held me close against himself.

“I missed you,” I croaked out, lips trembling slightly, “so much, Mingi.”

“I’m sorry.” Mingi whispered, letting out a heavy sigh, “I shouldn’t have ignored you for three days, that was shitty of me. Why are you crying? What happened?”

I sighed and shrugged lightly, “I don’t know, I just—”

I chewed on my bottom lip, letting the silence stretch on as Mingi carefully cupped my cheeks and raised my head up, our faces close to each other as we stared in each other’s eyes. Mingi’s sharp eyes were soft and filled with so much worry, that it made me pout as I tried to put my jumbled thoughts into words, “I don’t know. Things got too much; I suppose. The classes and assignments, the fear that I won’t finish my dissertation in time, and you then getting upset…I’ve been feeling under the weather for quite a while now, actually. I guess I just broke today.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mingi’s expression was sour and it made me feel guilty as I looked away from his eyes, following the sharp bridge of his nose, well defined and tall. I shrugged, getting comfortable in his lap as I laced my fingers together around his neck, Mingi’s warm and big hands settling on my hips.

“You worry a lot about me, Mingi, I didn’t want to burden you again with something so insignificant—”

“Your wellbeing is very significant to me, Y/N, and you know that.” His voice had an edge to it as his grip slightly tightened against me, his own lips forming a pout. I stared at him for a few seconds before sniffing again, eyes taking in his tan face, his dark and warm eyes, the mole under his eye and on his jaw, and his plush lips. I had missed him dearly.

“I know.” I mumbled and looked back into his eyes when Mingi pulled our bodies flushed together, leaning ahead to nudge his nose against mine, his breath tickling my face. I couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on my lips, and I averted my eyes shyly as Mingi chuckled.

“I’m not upset anymore.” He said, licking his lips before bopping his nose against mine again, “And you’re too stressed to study more today.”

My lips pulled into a tight line as I hummed, shoulders sagging a little, but Mingi suddenly grinned incredibly wide, his uneven and protruding front teeth showing, a little ‘imperfection’ I adored way too much about him. His eyes suddenly held an exited glint in them and I couldn’t help but feel intrigued, raising my eyebrows in question at him.

“I brought you your favorite cake, as an apology.” He bit his lower lip as his cheeks lightly flushed, “But the weather is really nice today and I think some fresh air will do you good.”

“What are you suggesting?” I asked as I leaned forward, resting my chin on his left shoulder as I hugged him tightly.

“We drive out to our favorite spot by the waterfall and have a little picnic, we can pick up some food on the way, and then drive around aimlessly after the sun sets.” There was a short pause and a low hum coming from deep within Mingi’s chest, “How does that sound?”

New tears gathered in my eyes, but not for the previous reasons I was crying about not even twenty minutes ago. My chest was filled to the brim and my heart was beating fast and loudly in my ears, filling me with warmth and so much love that I felt like I would burst. Mingi always knew what I needed, he was always there for me, he always provided whatever he could best. I chuckled quietly and sniffed loudly again, nodding my head wordlessly before I pulled back and looked him in the eyes, a smile stretching onto my lips.

“I love you.”

Mingi’s giggle was deep and low, rolling his eyes playfully as if he tried to brush off those words, but unable to do so, “And I love you.”

I closed my eyes and leaned forward, closing the small gap between our lips as I pressed a soft, but lingering kiss against Mingi’s soft and warm lips. He tasted like the watermelon chapstick I have given him while we were on vacation, his lips chapped from the salty ocean air. And everything suddenly felt in place, I found serenity within myself as Mingi kissed back eagerly but softly, his lips capturing mine between his as his large palm melted into my lower back. Being in his arms and feeling him against myself brought a sense of security and contentment, of acceptance, and want that only Mingi could provide. His teeth lightly grazed against my lower lip as he nipped at it before just slightly pulling back, pressing his forehead against mine as he nuzzled his nose against the skin of my cheek, making me flush at the endearing gesture.

“I assume that’s a yes, then.” I chuckled and pressed a swift kiss against Mingi’s lips again.

“Yes, love of my life, let’s go.” I knew the nickname always flustered Mingi, making him call me cheesy. But this time he said nothing as he giggled quietly, scrunching his nose and squeezing his eyes shut in a cute manner, making my cheeks hurt from how widely I was smiling at him.

God, I have missed him, the love of my life. Song Mingi.

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punching-pentagrams · 2 months

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Love in a Hopeless Place

Chapter 3

You guys!!! Thank you so much for all of the love so far! I makes me so happy to see people liking the story so far. Here is Chapter 3! xoxo, Dany <3

Lucifer x prostitute fem!reader Word Count: 2.6k CW: Prostitution, Slowburn, mentions of panic, anxiety, depression, hurt/comfort, bullying, slight manipulation

The next morning, light started to drift through the curtains of Lucifer's room again, like they did every morning. But something about this morning felt... different.

Lucifer felt himself return to the waking world, and his eyes fluttered open and he felt... actually kind of awake, for once? Lucifer sat up with a bit of confusion, partly from how he felt and partly due to realizing he was still in his mostly unbuttoned shirt and trousers from the previous day. Looking around, he tried to remember what all had happened the night before.

Seeing his bowtie on the floor, hat on a random table, and his jacket hug up on the mirror, he remembered that something different had happened the night before, but it was fuzzy. Eventually his eyes caught sight of a small note card that was left on his bedside table. He picked it up and read it.

'Thank you for inviting me to share the evening with you, for all it's ups and downs. It was an honor. You are welcome to call on me again if you are ever in need of company of any sort. Best Wishes, (y/n)'

Upon reading your name, Lucifer started to remember scenes of interaction from the night before. His first view of you near the door, kissing your hand, walking you into his room, you on top of him in your lace lingerie, you beside his bed with eyes full of concern, you holding out your arms as he ran into your hug, and the comforting darkness of your embrace as tears ran down his face while he slipped into slumber.

'Oh my god... Did I just cry myself to sleep in her arms? I hired a prostitute and all I did was fall asleep in her arms? Crying?! How pathetic am I?' he thought to himself. He looked back down at your beautiful handwriting, the way the letters curved and twisted, a small heart over the i in "Wishes", and thought about how gentle your eyes had looked when he was in so much pain. Such warm and comforting eyes. How his mood had shifted, and on a dime, it seemed that so did yours when you could tell something was wrong. Was that real concern? Or were you just acting? Honestly, if it felt that good... did he really care which one it was?

For once, he felt like he had actually slept, that he was more alert, not perfect, but something had improved after the last night. That did not feel like a coincidence. Something about being with you last night make him feel better, and he wanted more. He wasn't sure about sexual intimacy at this point, since something about that had seemed to set him off, but the comfort was nice. Would she be willing to come over again just to comfort and hold him like that?

He read the note again, 'You are welcome to call on me again if you are ever in need of company of any sort.' Company of any sort. Any sort. Anyyyy sortttt... But what did she mean by that?! Did she mean like, 'I'm here for you no matter what! We can hang out, we can talk, you can cry, we can fuck, just whatever! I'm your gal!' or did she mean like 'I'm down for whatever, hot stuff~, wink wink, nudge nudge, *insert lude hand gestures here*'

Lucifer would spend much of the next hour thinking way to hard about that one line of text you had written, mumbling to himself as he took a shower, brushed his teeth, combed his hair, got dressed, and once he got a look at himself in the mirror.

"Mayyyybbeeee... I'm thinking way to hard about this and she is just, I don't know, wanting to give me whatever support I need. What do you think about that!" he said to his mirror-self dramatically. He stared at his reflection for a minute before deciding to agree with himself on his last statement.

"That's what I thought" he said smiling and nodding to the mirror version of himself. "Now onto the next question... how long do I wait before requesting her again without looking like a total fucking creepy loser."

That question... would consume him for the majority of the afternoon, only to be quickly interrupted by the realization that he never paid you for the night before, which briefly gave him something else to panic about.

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You on the other hand, woke up and started the day the same as you always had, in your tiny room that you had been renting over the brothel. Most of the other girls from the Lounge also lived there, it wasn't required but it was easier in some ways, mostly for the nights that you had so many clients throughout the day that your body hurt and you could barely move.

It was not so great most of the time, it was loud and cramped, smelled of drugs and cigarettes, you could often hear the sounds of sex from the Lounge below, and some of the girls would try to steal shit. To minimize that, you just tried not to have a lot in your apartment other than a bed, a couch, a small table with a tv, and one of the best safes in hell that you could get your hands on the would fit in your small space for your money. It wasn't much, but it worked.

As you got up and started on your morning routine, your thoughts drifted back to Lucifer from the previous night, and wondered how he was doing. You weren't used to thinking about clients after you were off the clock with them, but you also weren't used to watching them have a panic attack and then cry themself to sleep in your arms. Or you know, being the most powerful being in all of hell for that matter either.

Something about that felt, soft, and nice. It made you feel like you did something possibly worthwhile for once. Who knows if it made an impact on him, or if he would even remember or care about you once he woke up, but something in you prayed that it did. How odd it was to think about that you had not just comforted a normal demon, but the King of Hell, a former high ranking angel, someone who had probably seen God or the highest orders of Heaven. It almost felt like it shouldn't be possible for angels to cry, surely they were not meant to know such pain? And yet, here was one, full of pain and torment probably beyond your understanding. It made you sick just thinking about it.

But that was not for you to concern yourself with, who knows if you would ever see him again. Plus, you had today's clients to focus on. Another day, another dollar. 'Hey, hey, hey, fuck my life.'

You head downstairs to find Cynthhhhia waiting with a shit eating grin on her face once she sees you, giving you a sinister laugh. You roll your eyes.

"Tch. What's got you in such a good mood this morning?" you scoff.

"Larry's been looking for you. You're in trouble," she says with venom in her voice.

Your chest tightens. Oh shit. What could it be? Did you miss your day to clean the dressing rooms? Did Lucifer call and complain about something you did? Were you gonna get fired? You try not to show it on your face, but you do stop walking.

"Why do you say that?" you say, trying to hold an even tone.

Cynthhhhia laughs with a hiss, "Apparently, someone forgot to get a payment from a certain customer last night."

'Fuuuckkkkkk!'

God damn it. You were so focused on taking care of him through his panic attack, then he fell asleep, and you completely forgot to ask for your payment. It also didn't seem appropriate at the time. You could work with this though.

You just laughed and flipped your hair, Cynthhhhia's expression shifted to confusion.

"Ohhhh haha, well ya, I mean that happens sometimes when you just fuck someone so good that they pass out, right? I mean we have all been there," you say giving her a big grin. Cynthhhhia's face changes to her normally prissy annoyance.

"Oh! Have you never had that happen? Oh, well. You'll get there." you smugly walk past her as you pat her on the shoulder. Cythhhhia aggressively shrugs off your touch and hisses as you walk past her. "I'll just go find him now, thanks for the heads up girlypop. Kisses!"

Nailed it. You loved shutting that bitch up, but you always wish it didn't have to come to that. But she wasn't the only one who could play a mean girl, you were just smarter about it. Now to go find Larry and put on a good show for him too.

You put on a panicked look and start to run around the brothel, asking around for Larry. After a few minutes, you find him out in the lobby, chatting with some patrons. You make eye contact with him, give a relieved smile and run to him.

"Darling, there you are! I've been looking all over for you!" you exclaim with your biggest sweetest smile.

"Babydoll! Excuse me fellas, I'll be right back," the pig-man says as he moves past the group of men he was standing with to meet you half way across the room. "What's going on? I didn't see a payment from your customer last night, and that's not like you," he said with concern in his voice, but not like a genuine type of concern. It was the type of concern that you had come to know as 'You better be giving me a good reason as to why I didn't get my money.'

You pouted and tried to look flustered, "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry! I just had such a good time and we got so into such a rough and dirty night of kinky sex that, I accidently fucked him so hard that he passed out! I didn't know what to do, so I just came back home and hoped you would be able to help me figure it out. I'm really sorry for getting so carried away," you finish with a bat of your eyes.

Ugh, you hated your own fake, ditzy, whiny voice, but you knew Larry was a sucker for it, and it normally got you out of some uncomfortable situations. Larry's face morphed into a smile and he let out a boisterous laugh before giving you a pat on the shoulder.

"Aww that's my girl! You know what, he's a first timer. So I'll cut him some slack for today. If he doesn't get me a payment by tomorrow, I'll give him a call, give him a day to recover from the high. Hopefully I won't have to send the Sharks after him!" he gave you a nudge in the ribs and you laughed along with him.

You were thankful that he bought your story, but you hoped that this wasn't going to cause trouble for Lucifer. Larry was friends with some of the Loan Sharks, and sometimes he told stories about the aggressive lengths that they would go to in order to get their money back, or take out the people that didn't pay. But, it wasn't your fault that Lucifer had forgotten to pay. Plus, you did not anticipate how last night was going to go, and you don't normally ask for payments at the beginning of the first meeting, that felt tacky to you.

Luckily, your worries were extinguished a few hours later. After your first few clients of the day. Larry came to find you again with a big grin on his face.

"Well, looks like we didn't need to worry, Mr. 'Lance' night came through with payment and an apology for not remembering to pay last night," Larry boasted with a sharp grin.

You try to hold back your surprise, "Oh? Did he come in to drop it off?"

Larry waved a hand, "Naw, he sent some lackey of his, all snooty and fancy like 'I was sent on behalf of Lance to give you his payment for last night and an apology for not paying after the appointment last night due to being incapacitated. He promises that this will not be an issue with future appointments' blah blah blah" he laughed, dropping the mocking pompous tone he used to mock the "lackey".

You laughed along with him, but internally you were caught up on the last part about "future appointments", was that a paraphrase? Or did the messenger actually say that?

"Ah, so does it some like I've secured a new repeat customer?" you ask, trying not to sound too excited.

"Sounds like it! I asked if he had wanted to schedule for his next appointment, but his lackey didn't seem to know. Said he would probably be in touch at some point. Oh also, here is the tip he left for you," he smirked. Larry slid your tip into your hands and headed off to pester one of the other girls for something.

Your heart fluttered. Lucifer wanted to see you again, possibly, and that made you feel good. You normally didn't care what customers thought of you, but you thought it made sense that this was an exception. This was the King of Hell himself. Who knows how he will want to interact with you this next time around, but you figured you should be prepared for both possibilities of comforting and sexual intimacy. Not something you needed to figure out right at that moment.

You then looked down at the money in your hand, and your eyes went wide at the amount of money in your hands.

Wait, holy shit. What?!

The tipped amount that was in your hands was more than you had ever seen at one time. This was probably the same amount the you would usually get tipped in a week, let alone from one client.

You quickly tucked away the money under your arm and made your way up to your room to hide the money in your safe. You did not trust anyone except Larry knowing how much you would be making in tips from 'Lance' if this was going to be a regular thing. Especially, Cynthhhhia and her hoard of goons.

As you got to your room, closed the door, and started to count through the money, you smiled. He didn't need to tip you this much, you don't know why he did, but it made you feel good. You didn't feel fully comfortable seeing this as confirmation of any sort of building blocks of connection, but it didn't feel like it was a negative sign either.

You didn't hear anything else for a few days, but soon Larry notified you that 'Lance' had called again to meet with you, scheduled for a week after your first meeting at happened. Larry also relayed a message from 'Lance', requesting that he "really liked that thing you did at the end of the night, and would really like more of that if it was possible." You smiled and nodded.

Larry asked what it was you had done at the end of the night, you replied with only a finger up to your lips, a wink, and the statement, "A magician never reveals her secrets."

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Thank you again to all my new and returning readers and followers! I'm so happy I get to share this story with you all <3 Let me know if you want added to the taglistTaglist: @froggybich @wonderlandangelsposts @glowinthedarkbones1150 @marydragneell @crescent-z @superdinosaurnacho

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #lucifer x reader #lucifer x y/n #fanfic writing #lucifer fanfiction

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seawater-aurelia-writing · 1 year

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Broken { The Break; Chapter 2}

Pairing(s): Fem!MC/Yuu/Reader x TBD

Summary: MC awakens after her fall but the reactions of others make her spiral worse - but not all is as it seems.

WARNINGS

I am not the best at labeling warnings or triggers but I can say that this story is laden with neglect, self-depreciation, self-neglect, anxiety, possible depression and attempts to justify the above. There could be more labels that I can add but i’m unsure how to word them - so please exercise caution.

I liiiiiiiiiiiive! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ I restarted this SO many times and yet I could never get it to feel...'right'...So I hope this lives up to yall's expectations! Sorry for the bad summary lol

One last disclaimer though! I have not seen the entirety of Chapter 6 and I have avoided pretty much all content for Chapter 7 as far as i'm aware. So I may not have everyone exactly in character in new things were revealed for them.

When M/C awoke, she half expected to be in the infirmary as she was when she was knocked unconscious during the Magift Tournament. But the other half of her?

She didn’t expect much. Be it the stillness of the void around her, or the library floor if Professor Trein left her where she fell – there wouldn’t be much difference. It's what usually happened anyway; She could handle her injuries herself if that was the case. However, she supposed there was some form of upside to being in the infirmary.

If she was left in the void, how else would she know firsthand how she burdened and upset those around her.

‘It’s so late…’ She thought to herself, gazing out of the window across from her bed. She could barely make out the faintest shape of the moon – a crescent. Even the moon was smiling at just how pathetic she had to look at this moment.

“-C. M/C!”

Why was it so hard for her to hear? Even as she turned her head slowly, moving her eyes to gaze up at the headmaster beside her, it was as if someone had placed her in a tub of mud. She moved so slowly, without much feeling other than a sharp pain as she tried to rest the side of her head down onto the pillow.

“…Hng..”

“Thank goodness, you’ve finally awoken! It’s been two days already! What on earth did you drink to cause you to create such an awful mess of the library?! You know very well that you cannot ...poultices as other students do because of ... Furthermore, I believe I ...use it for research not as ...a playground!” He ranted but his voice faded in and out as he spoke. But why? Why can't I hear him?

Only an idiot would zone out at a time like this.

Crowley sighed, clearly exasperated when she didn’t attempt to speak.

‘He hates that he let you stay here. Who can't do simple chores?He wishes he never helped you.’

“Once you are ...leave, you are to clean up ...the library. Luckily, ...the matter with you ...I can see.” He continued after a moment, his arms folding over his chest as he gazed down at her. Slowly, it became easier to focus but the ringing in her ears never "Actually...Our nurse is ...but I see no reason ...release you myself."

“…Y-yes…sir.” She rasped, voice dry and hoarse from lack of use.How long had she been unconscious? But again, did it truly matter? But what did that matter? Clearly, the pain in her head wasn’t real and not a sign of something worse. Why should she expect something else?

'He wants you gone.'

'You're taking up space.'

'Stop being selfish.'

'Because you think you're worth more than you are.'

Ace, Deuce and Grim came to visit her that day at lunch just before her release but the visit felt hollow. They laughed and teased her for her clumsiness, even Deuce smiling a bit at the dramatics of Grim, but none seemed to notice the forced smile that M/C put on her face. None noticed how her eyes twitched at the sharp, spike of pain that formed when they grew louder.

‘They’re only here because they’re forced to be. Stop thinking about yourself.’

'Just smile. Don't make a scene.'

When M/C had been released earlier that day, she was urged straight to attend the final class of that day rather than go straight to Ramshackle.

‘Please let this go by fast…’ She thought to herself, letting Rook lead the way to their class as the pain in her head continued to grow. M/C closed her eyes for a moment, missing the way Rook glanced back at her and shifted his body to walk closer to her. 'Please...'

Yet it did not.

MC felt as if she was on autopilot as she sat in class, sluggishly marking notes where needed and nodding along with the lecture but nothing seemed to sink in, no matter how many times she willed herself to focus in. Rook would boisterously comment on things, his voice jolting her to the present long enough for her to gaze at him and then the teacher before her focus waned once more.

‘You’re so needy.’ Why couldn’t she just move past her little incident? Everyone else already had moved past it, so it clearly wasn’t very important. She had no right to wish that others worry about her. They had bigger things to worry about, more important things to focus on.

Right?

‘Why can’t you handle this on your own?” Why couldn’t she? It was only one day just like the others! It wasn’t even hard! Ruggie had gone without meals more than she had! So obviously, she was just exaggerating. Vil had more things to worry about than she did including an actual career! What right did she have to complain about doing a few favors?

‘You’re pathetic.’

‘A waste of space.’

‘What good is someone who screws up a simple thing?’

‘No one cares.’

‘You’re replaceable.’

‘Forgettable.’

As class ended, MC prepared for her cycle to begin once more and so it did. Rather than go to dinner, Kalim latched onto MC the moment she was out of the classroom. The pain in her head returned full force with his boisterous volume right beside her ear but she still smiled.

He offered to help the next time she went to the library since he knew ladders were tricky.

‘They aren’t tricky. He’s pitying you’

“Kalim, leave her alone. She needs to rest.” Jamil finally said after a few minutes, his eyes not leaving her as he spoke. He almost seemed to study her before adding, “She isn’t looking well.”

‘Pathetic.’

“Huh,? Oh right! I’m sorry! Go, go rest up! We can plan a group dinner later!” Kalim practically beamed before ushering her away from the cafeteria despite Grim’s many protests and her own stumbling feet.

“B-But -”

But they were already on Main Street by the time MC attempted to speak. Why was she always so hesitant when it came to these things? She barely uttered a word in the entire conversation and despite Jamil’s eyes on her, it was as if she wasn’t really a part of the conversation. Just a figure meant to listen but not contribute.

Always there but never meant to fully be there.

MC didn’t register her body moving as she went towards the direction of Ramshackle, her form practically shrinking in on itself as they went. Grimm was rambling on and on as he floated beside her, while she let her body guide her on a path she had now memorized.

“…Just…pathetic…” She mumbled, one hand coming up to grasp at the other elbow. That’s what she was, wasn’t she? She didn’t stand out other than being magicless but even then people seemed to forget. No one cared that she couldn’t magically make a situation better, but they expected her to do it anyway. Just like no one seemed to care about her wellbeing but they expected her to always be okay. Thoughts of Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim, and Vil drifted into her mind - how each of them experienced their own breaks during the Overblots, how they opened up about what hurt them, how everyone listened and tried to help them. She thought about how Crowley actually brought in special healers and therapists just for them for weeks after their incidents and how they still have check-ins with him to ensure they’re on the right track.

Where was that for her? Her body couldn’t produce magic, she couldn’t Overblot to make others realize how badly she was hurt mentally, physically, emotionally. She couldn’t voice her worries because who would listen? Even when she tried to warn her friends about the smallest of dangers, they simply brushed her off. Her words didn’t matter; so why would her thoughts matter.

‘Is that it?’ She wondered, a sudden cold feeling filling her form. What if she truly was the issue? Why was she so focused on having her thoughts and feelings acknowledged when she knew that all others wanted was for her to help them? They are all more important than her pathetic emotions, right? They have a life and future here in their world and it’s clear she’s just an anomaly who may never return to where she was once from. Was she - overvaluing herself? Was it all-

“It’s your fault, you know!” Grimm yelled suddenly, directly in front of her.

MC stopped suddenly, a cold chill rushing through her body at the words. Her fingernails slowly began digging into her skin as she looked into Grim’s eyes. “W-what?”

“It’s your fault!! You know, I had to do cleaning duty!” He complained, his little paws resting on his hips as he scowled. “I wanted to pick up some of that discount tuna before Ruggie got all of it but I was roped into cleaning! Not to mention those creepy twins came at me about something you forgot! And you forgot the library today! I'm not cleaning that just because you're lazy and took a fall! You’re my henchman, not the other way around! Don’t be selfish! ”

M/C this. M/C that. Clean the weeds. Fetch my things. Deliver this. Talk to this person. Clean this, clean that. Keeping busy, always busy.

'It's for the best. They have other things to focus on-'

She stopped walking, her head hurting more and more, as if a little thing was smashing cauldrons over and over against her brain. Her heart joined the rhymed pounding so hard, she gripped her chest in a vain attempt to calm it.

"Stop-" She gasped but couldn't say more as she stepped back, her throat clenching.

'They are more important. Don't deny it'

'They will never care about you.'

'You don't belong here.'

“I know as the Great Magician that I am, that I need to carry the both of us since you're useless without magic but you need to watch it with the - huh? MC?!” Grimm continued, his tone shifting to something MC didn’t want to hear – something she couldn’t hear.

She backed away, one step and then two before rushing off towards the entrance gates of the College. Not once looking back.

Her surroundings blurred as she ran, not taking into account where she was truly going - just knowing that she had to get away, far away. From the Grim, from all of the others, from Night Raven College, from everything.She just wanted it all to go away!

'Useless.'

'Magicless.'

‘Selfish’

"Stop! Stop it!" She sobbed, her breath catching in her throat. Her chest began to hurt more than her head caused her to stagger in her stride. M/C felt herself tumble down and crash down a slope, the brush scratching her as she went down before she hit something hard and frigid.

She sobbed as the thoughts continued to repeat in her head; Every overblot, every chore, every demand, every reprimand, every expectation, and every sign of disappointment. Why was she truly like this? She wasn’t good for anything but menial tasks due to her lack of magic and still she can’t do any of that right.

“Make it stop, make it stop, makeitstop…”

She didn’t know how long she laid there, nor how long she was sobbing, begging and screaming for the pain to go away, for the thoughts to go away. The pain in her head only grew the more she cried, and as it grew - so did that pain and tightness in her chest.

‘Useless.’

‘Useless!’

‘USELE-’

Until the darkness took her under again.

But unlike before - the chill of the darkness grew stronger and more intense until it was the only thing she was able to feel. Just as the voices were the only thing she was able to hear. Repeating their words over and over, in a hell that she couldn’t wake up from.

After what seems like ages, a gradual warmth began to seep into the darkness around her. A spreading, far reaching feeling spreading across her body but oddly focused around her back and under her legs.

‘What is…’ She wondered as another sensation came to her slowly, a rocking kind of motion accompanied by a lightness. It reminded her of the gentle swaying of the waves of Coral Sea but was swiftly ruined by the sound of harsh thunder reigniting the pain in her head. A flash of brilliant light flashed across her eyelids, causing her to whimper.

“Are…-ake, dear?” A familiar, deep voice crooned, not loud enough to hurt her head any further but enough for her to hear it clearly.

‘This voice…I know it…I..Why is he-’

‘You’re wasting his time.’

“Shhh, your heart…racing again. You…it’s Lillia…Focus on my breathing, little one.” Lillia’s voice soothed, as the rocking motion slowed - was she being carried? M/C registered the warmth tightening around her slightly as her breath quickened unintentionally. “Shhh, focus…. You can do it. Think of nothing else but my voice and deep breaths.”

It took what felt like ages before M/C was able to focus on the steady rise and fall of her head in time with Lillia’s breathing. The ache in her chest lightened but the pain in her head did not, only worsening as she attempted to open her eyes. Another flash of lightning, red eyes and furrowed brows.

“It’s best if your eyes remain closed. The storm will only worsen the pain of your concussion.” Lillia remarked, just before more thunder rumbled. “ You worried us all, dear. Especially dear Malleus.”

“C-concussion? B-but I…don’t have a-” She mumbled, turning her head to hide from the storm before a thought flashed through her mind. “T-The library! I didn’t clean i-”

“You will not be cleaning anything nor doing any chores for the foreseeable future, little one.” Lillia cut her off quickly, his soft voice containing a firmer tone than she was used to hearing. “You are injured and have been pushing yourself too hard. Far harder than you should have.”

‘He knows you can’t do it. That’s why he said that.’

‘He knows you’re pathetic.’

“No, n-no I’m not. It’s fine. If anything I need to push harder, heh.” She forced out a laugh, attempting to lighten the atmosphere but Lillia merely sighed. “I-It’s nothing really!”

“You’ve barely been eating, little one. Silver told me as such and I witnessed it myself; We were going to ensure you ate this evening but you didn’t show. In addition, you’ve been having more accidents than usual and have been unfocused. You. Are.Exhausted.”

“No, it’s fine. I just, if I just finish this one thing then it’s fine. I-I can clean the library super fast and it’s all okay!” She pressed, fighting the urge to cry once more. Had her screw ups been that apparent? She didn’t mean to; She was doing her best!

“But it’s never just one thing, is it?” M/C faintly registered the sound of his shoes upon cobblestone, were they back on campus? “After this, then there’s another favor that’s asked of you, another assignment, another mess to clean. But – have you had time for yourself, little one?”

“…I-I do at night I have-“ The words trailed off as she tried to think of something. She did have time to herself at night but it was never for long, especially when her thoughts would become so loud or she would get those odd dreams of things she swears she’s seen but can’t fully remember.

“But you live with Grim,yes? Who boasts about how tidy you keep your shared room…so I can only wonder how much alone time you get in there at all.” He hummed,and for a brief moment MC felt the brush of something soft and silken brush her face. Lilia seemed to shift slightly, curling into her before the gently swaying became an airy sensation, like she was adrift but his warmth continued to steady her.

“…”

“And let us not forget that Malleus often takes his nightly walks in your area; Often alongside you, yes? He’s told us that he’s seen lights on in Ramshackle as late as the early morning hours even after he’s escorted you home.”

“Ramshackle…isn’t my home.” She mumbled, her eyes growing hot and tears welled within. “This isn’t my home, I don’t belong and that’s why this doesn’t matter. I don’t know why you’re wasting your time with me; you have better things-”

“Do you know what’s the scariest thing in the world?”

“Huh?”

Lilia’s voice was low as he continued to speak, “Asking for help. You have to open yourself up and admit to yourself and someone else that you need help. That you need someone there to help you stand until you get your footing once again. There’s not many people who can open themselves up to doing that. Magically inclined or not.”

MC thinks of everyone who asks her for help. “No one seems to have that issue here…”

“They do love to ask you for things but not for those matters that are oh-so troubling to them. Most would rather keep to themselves and allow their thoughts to consume them before they incite their pleas. Does that sound familiar?”

MC bit her lip, her eyes opening partially as her tears finally began to fall. She vaguely noticed the dim setting around them, but nothing was truly familiar as her tears blurred her sight. “All of you already have so much to worry about and futures to plan and…it’s just…better if I don’t ask.”

“And what, praytell, about your future, little one?” Lilia pressed as MC shakily used her hands to wipe her tears away.

“I…don’t think I have one. I don’t have magic so I can’t really….. I’m a magic-less student in a magically-based academy – how am I even going to use what I’m being taught? I’m just pathetic and worthless-.”

“Enough. I refuse to listen to you slander yourself in such a way, Child of Man.”

MC tensed as Malleus’s voice rang out firm from somewhere in front of Lilia and herself. She slowly parted her fingers, blinking so as to get a clear peek between them but quickly came to wish she hadn’t. She wished she could go back to that unknown area where Lilia had taken her from and just melt there where she wouldn’t have to deal with what was in front of her and the implications it all held.

Standing before her, in the main room of Ramshackle Dorm, were the Dorm Leaders , Grim and Sam with various expressions across their faces. -----------------------------taglist-------------------------------

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #female reader #Female Ramshackle Prefect #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #lilia vanrouge #Grimm #Grim #Rook Hunt #Dire Crowley #Malleus Draconia #It's been a while since I tagged lol

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phoenix-downer · 2 months

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FFVII Rebirth Demo Impressions

I played the demo several nights ago and loved it! This post is about my thoughts/impressions as I was playing.

(Quick note: My shipping preferences are Cloud/Tifa and Zack/Aerith, so that is going to influence my perspective and what I write about. There will also be spoilers for the OG game and Crisis Core throughout).

One of the first things I noticed as I was playing through was the graphics. The graphics look fantastic. I can tell the game being on the PS5 is making a big difference. The jump in quality from Remake to Rebirth is really noticeable.

It's so weird seeing Cloud act like Zack. Like I KNOW it's Zack and it's creeping me out a;lksdjfdfj because it's just...so not Cloud. They knocked the "this is wrong" vibes out of the park by using Zack's mannerisms and gestures with Cloud's model slapped on top, and it's giving this uncanny valley feeling to everything "Cloud" does. Cody Christian even sounds more like Zack's VA (Caleb Pierce). The attention to detail with all that is excellent. The updated graphics give them a lot to work with in terms of showing the wonkiness with Cloud's memories.

There was also a clever shot in the truck of "Cloud" asking the real Cloud if he's okay, and you see a hint of Cloud's blond hair peeking through the helmet.

I liked the dramatic/heroic version of Sephiroth's theme that played. And when Zack gets hurt by one of the monsters, I think it was Cloud who made sure he's okay, which was a sweet touch. Also, the screen is tinted with green, which is a cool way to show the effects of the Mako poisoning on Cloud.

Another thing I noticed: Cloud's eyes look SUPER green, more so than in Remake. Don't know if it's the upgrade to the PS5 or if they wanted to show the Mako poisoning progressing, but I thought it was a cool detail.

Okay it's like Cloud swapped he and Zack in his memories directly at one point soon after they arrive in Nibelheim. I swear this is 100% what Zack would've said to Cloud about Aerith, but instead it's one of the "security officers" saying it to "Cloud": "So, any friends here you wanna see? Maybe a girlfriend? Speaking of which, I bet you're dying to hear about mine. Am I right?"

Lmao Sephiroth still has groupies, this is giving Crisis Core fanclub vibes and I'm all here for it. I'm glad the game still has those silly moments and that continuity with past games. It makes the tragedy I know will unfold later on that much more poignant.

Speaking of which, it's depressing seeing all the townspeople in Nibelheim knowing they're going to die. Just walking around talking to them, Nibelheim really feels like a lived-in place that Cloud has so many personal connections to.

An NPC asked Cloud if he's seen his mother yet, another one recognized me, and another couple of people noticed me and asked if I'm looking for Tifa. They Know™️

Also, it's really interesting seeing Cloud craft the welcome home he WISHES he had gotten. He wanted to come back to Nibelheim as a hero everyone praised, but the reality was much different. So seeing that contrast is a really good insight into Cloud's psyche and what he wants (praise, recognition, approval, etc.)

Oh found some cats, I'm glad there's another area dedicated to just cats ;aldjf; (complete with photographic evidence):

Awwwwww there was a sweet reference to Tifa leading the exercise classes for Nibelheim from Traces of Two Pasts, and she asks Cloud in the modern day if he was able to keep up with the class (she wasn't teaching this particular one, but I love that bit of continuity).

Tifa you can tell is nostalgic for Nibelheim hearing Cloud's recounting of what happened too, the voice acting and dialogue for this part is all really well-done.

The option to see Cloud's mom was really well-done. Cloud never went back to see her in reality, of course, which means his memory glitches out like crazy during this part: he "hears" his mother talking to him about a conversation that happened at an earlier time, like his brain is desperately trying to create something that never happened and is latching onto the nearest fragments it can find. I like how they translated this scene from the OG game, it gave off eerie vibes.

HE DID THE LIL SHRUG AND NOD LIKE HE DOES IN THE OG GAME if you try to enter his mom's house again after the "memory" is over. Also, it's like his mind is trying to protect itself from delving too deeply into a false memory so glitchy (and maybe he feels a deep level of guilt at not actually going to see her as well), and so you can't go back into his house, just like in the OG game.

You can have Cloud go up the water tower too, and he looks towards Tifa's window THE ANGST OF IT ALL a;lskdfj. I love those little moments of Pining™️

Tifa's like wait you went to my place?? Oh Cloud...you were such an awkward weirdo...

"Our reasons, huh? I bet most of them had to do with you." Barret shading Cloud for why he and Tifa didn't hang out more ;alkdjf again I love the humor in these moments.

Awwww Fluffy got mentioned! Nice to hear her brought up again.

"You went into my room?" I'm dead. Tifa sounds so indignant and rightfully so. It's weirdo behavior Cloud ;laskdfj

"You went through my stuff?!" Not off to a great start buddy, but I had him pick that option because I figured he ought to be honest. Tifa and Aerith both call him an asshole if you admit to doing it too, which made me laugh. And naturally my mind is wondering how this will impact the iconic date later on. Did I just piss both Aerith and Tifa off and lose affection points with both girls? Probably lol (and honestly, Cloud deserved it for that stunt).

Tifa's lil moogle plushie on her bed is adorable. I love the touches like that that make the environment feel more lived in.

Awwww I found Tifa's theme to play on the piano hehe. I love that that's the first piano piece you can find in the game. Just one of my favorite FFVII songs because it fits Tifa so perfectly and has this bittersweet sense of longing as well as this beautiful tenderness to it.

Also, I got a kick out of the piano minigame. The first time I wasn't great at it and got a C. I struggled to do both "hands" at the same time. I did it two more times after that, and it starts to sound really nice when you have a streak of a bunch of correct notes in a row. Like Cloud's going to town on the piano with extra flourishes. If you miss notes again though the metronome comes back on lol like "you still need to practice and get the rhythm down."

The second two times I got an A (I'll have to keep practicing to get a star and see what happens), and the gang praised Cloud, which I thought was cool.

Found more Sephiroth groupies and ran into Zangan in the inn. It was really sweet hearing Zangan praise Tifa so highly. Also, "Cloud" saying, "yeah right" when Zangan says "Tifa will go far" is another good clue Cloud isn't himself. Tifa was offended and Aerith was offended on her behalf. I love how Aerith keeps backing Tifa up on stuff, it's really nice to see more of their friendship.

The photographer dude is back and I love him. And he even says the same thing he said to Zack in Crisis Core about how he can't waste his film on Zack because he doesn't know who he is ;alskdfj. What's a guy got to do to get a little respect?

"You look so different" lol yes I do random villager because I'm not me, and then there are some nice creepy foreshadowing moments from her kids. The girl says, "Gonna beat those monsters?" and the boy says, "Gonna be 'em?"

The irony of the mayor saying he'd brag about Sephiroth visiting Nibelheim till the day he dies:

I still really love Brian Lockhart's design. He's like if the 70s met cowboy fashion, and it just works somehow. And this carries over from the OG game, but his concerns about Tifa's safety are well-founded given what happened when she and Cloud were kids and sets up future reveals in the remake trilogy nicely.

Also, Tifa is so small next to Sephiroth. I love her sass in this part of the story, and this time around there's some country twang banjo version of her theme and I love it. Also Sephiroth shaded the camera guy al;sdkfj;dskf but "Cloud" talked him into it and thus the iconic photo came into being. Again those moments of humor will never not be funny. And I loved how Tifa was being such a good guide and giving info about the area as they started to ascend the mountain.

Also, when you finally get to the title screen, it cracked me up how Nomura is listed first, before Hamaguchi. Probably a seniority/respect thing, but Nomura is the creative director and Hamaguchi is the director.

Also, the version of the main theme that plays as you go up Mt. Nibel is awesome, and once again I had to get a screenshot because this area is just so beautiful:

Tifa wanting to travel is a sweet touch, though Sephiroth is practical and points out that he travels on business trips and not for fun. Of course "Cloud" points out that you do learn stuff on these trips. It's a nice contrast between Tifa's naive optimism, Sephiroth's jaded world-weary outlook, and Zack's positivity tempered by experience.

Also, Sephiroth's hair is very swishy. I thought that needed a note as I was playing this. Props to the artists, animators, etc. who rendered it.

I chuckled at Tifa racing up the mountain and teasing "Cloud" and Sephiroth about whether or not they can keep up. Just shows a fun, playful side to her personality and also shows how eager she is to prove herself. And then she dropkicked a monster to protect "Cloud" and then teased him about it alks;jfdsf. She's so much snarkier with Zack than she is with Cloud, and it's an interesting contrast.

The real Cloud of course is in the background, protecting Tifa from danger. Even in his rewritten version of history, the real him is lurking in his subconscious protecting her because she's that important to him. She thanked him so sweetly when he did too.

I made a note about seeing the bridge that collapsed with Cloud and Tifa on it when they were kids, man all the little details like this and the foreshadowing is just A+.

Tifa has Trauma™️ from falling off a bridge before, hmmm, wonder what that's from, and she's still like hey I'm the guide I'll lead us a;ldkfj when "Cloud" offers to go first lol.

Still holds true years later but wooooow Nibelheim sucks at constructing good bridges lol. It was a wholesome moment where "Cloud"/Zack grabbed Cloud and kept him from drowning though, and Sephiroth was able to grab Tifa (which is ironic considering how he tries to kill her not much later, and it's sad because it really shows he was a good guy). Of course the other security officer probably drowned rip, poor guy.

YAY SEPHIROTH'S IN MY PARTY FINALLY

"For your performance review" lol I like Sephiroth's sass and how he teases "Cloud" like this.

I just obliterate everything playing as Sephiroth ;alsdkfj and truly love playing as him. And him slamming his own dad will never not be funny, I mean Hojo just really sucks.

At this point I started focusing more on playing the game since there were more monsters to fight etc., but I still got some nice screenshots and had a few more thoughts.

The Mako spring just looks incredible, so I had to include a photo:

The scenery by the ocean was gorgeous too, I can't wait to go to Costa del Sol:

The real Cloud helping Tifa get to safety from the monster and "Cloud"/Zack and Sephiroth being bros is top-tier content. Also Sephiroth looks like a model in pretty much every shot he's in:

Oh the dramatic irony of Tifa not knowing it's Cloud and him refusing to talk and her being sassy and telling him, "You better keep me safe" and then of course he does. The music is creepy now that we're about to enter the reactor lol, of course it is.

"Would it kill this guy to say something" he would die from embarrassment and shame, yes:

"The company really needs to be more transparent" that's the understatement of the year "Cloud" ;lakfj;asdf

Cool use of JENOVA'S theme. I always enjoy hearing that theme and how otherworldy but also very 90s it sounds.

Zangan's comment here is gold, I love the bee in his bonnet bit:

The Shinra basement stuff was genuinely creepy l;kasjdf like I know what happens and I was still freaked out! The atmosphere was just really well done.

"I should go. Mother is waiting." There it is, the iconic meme line a;ldal;skdjf;lsdjf it just kills me, Sephiroth is such a psycho.

Loved seeing Zangan helping people get out of the town and telling "Cloud" to get in there and help, but of course the situation is still incredibly dire by the time "Cloud" gets there.

This shot in front of the water tower was gorgeous and really haunting, especially when the water tower collapsed. Just the symbolism with that, the loss of Cloud and Tifa's special place and how not long after this, he feels like he failed her and failed to keep his promise:

Main Scenario: Check on Mom. Oh Cloud...

And then you see the real Cloud collapsed in front of his house and calling for his mom, this is so depressing:

This is where the more realistic graphics really serve the story well, because it makes this moment that much more of a gut punch, especially when he hears his mother begging him to live. The last few moments before her soul returns to the planet perhaps, trying to save her son from danger one last time.

And now that "Cloud" is hurt, he looks busted up even in the menu. I thought that was a cool detail to include.

It's like Cloud's memories are trying to right themselves because he winds up on the ground like where he was supposed to be. When Sephiroth murdered the man who tried to help him and then went on his creepy murder spree of several other villagers culminating with the mayor, that was all really well done too. Horrifying because there's nothing Cloud can do to stop the senseless murder of people he's known all his life, and it really shows how cold and ruthless Sephiroth has become.

This moment was good too with the memories seeming glitchy again:

And then of course I must end this on The Iconic Scene™️ a;lsdkfja;kdslf complete with psycho smirk:

Needless to say, I very much enjoyed this demo and am looking forward to the Juno one! And the full game, February 29 can't come fast enough.

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cillianmesoftlyyy · 3 months

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The Ward Pt. 1 | Jonathan Breech x fem!character

Summary: Jonathan Breech is sentenced to three months in a Dublin psych ward after trying to take his life. He meets a girl and thinks he's fallen in love... but is this just a product of opportunity and loneliness or could it be more?

Warnings: Based heavily on One the Edge (2001) so there is already a lot of mental-health specific discussions. More specifically- mentions of suicide, self-harm, death, depression, anxiety, feeling helpless and alone, medication, vomiting, pregnancy. There is nothing explicitly sexual in pt. 1 so there are no warnings for that here. Please don't read if you think any of the previously mentioned topics could be triggering! Some of this is taken from my personal experience with mental-health issues so read with care.

word count: 3098k

1979- The Smashing Pumpkins 🎶

Up the Junction- Squeeze 🎵

note- I named the female character because I personally don't love using "y/n." It can take away from the story that I'm trying to tell sometimes but the character is supposed to be general enough to be whomever you wish.

additional note (sry)- One the Edge is free on Internet Archive...

Please read the warnings before continuing, thanks!

Jonathan made his way through the hospital corridors, glancing briefly into each room they passed.

“This is a pretty shitty hotel, eh? What do you charge per night? Whatever it is, I’m not fucking paying it,” he stumbled around behind one of the nurses and laughed lightly. They stopped in front of a room.

“This is you. You’re expected in group therapy at 4.” The nurse deadpanned and unlocked the yellow steel door for him. Jonathan poked his head inside the door and whistled low.

“Mhm, yep. Just what I was expecting,” he leaned out again and yelled after the nurse, “would it kill yeh to add some fucking color to this room? Fucking depressing.” He shook his head and wandered inside. He sat down on the mattress, the metal springs popped below and it sagged below his weight. He looked around at the drab gray room, the one window covered by rusted bars, and the bare bedside table. Jonathan emptied his pockets on the bed beside him and moved the carton of cigarettes to the table. A clock on the opposite wall ticked quietly and he watched it with his bright blue eyes, blinking every so often to the rhythm.

A second nurse came by and handed him some clothes, pajamas.

“What are these for?” Jonathan frowned, “I don’t need pajamas.”

“You have to wear them during the day,” the nurse responded.

“Why the hell would I do that when I have my normal clothes?”

“Its policy, it distinguishes you from guests and day patients. In-patients have to wear these.” The nurse pointed to the pile of neatly folded clothes in Jonathan’s arms. “Put them on.”

Jonathan sighed and kicked off his shoes.

“You’re not gonna watch are yeh?” He sneered at the nurse when he didn’t leave immediately. The nurse turned and left, closing the door without another word. Jonathan stripped down to his underwear and examined the clothes that he was given. It was a matching pajama set in an icy blue color with smaller blue designs across the fabric. The sleeves were too short and ended at his forearm and the pants around his midcalf. He pinched the bridge of his nose and cursed under his breath. He put on his shoes and the cardigan he had brought with him, a yellow wool cardigan that still smelled like home.

…

Around 4 o'clock Jonathan left his room and wandered aimlessly through the psychiatric ward, looking for the group therapy room. He walked until he spotted Dr. Figure walking into a small room and called out to him.

“Heya, Dr. Figure. I’m here for my group therapy!” He said with a flare of dramatic excitement. Dr. Figure looked tired and responded with a strained smile.

“Hello, Jonathan. Please come in.” They walked inside the room and Jonathan took a seat in a chair beside a boy around his age wearing a dark blue bathrobe. His light brown hair was messy and long and he wore round wire-framed glasses over his eyes. Dr. Figure sat opposite of him across the circle and cleared his throat as he arranged a stack of papers. Another boy and a girl sat at the circle too though neither of them looked up when Jonathan sat down.

“Good afternoon everyone, thank you for coming today.”

“I didn’t have much of a choice,” Jonathan shrugged and pulled one of his knees up to his chest in the chair and rested his chin on his knee.

“Yes, thank you Jonathan for coming anyway.” Dr. Figure sighed and gestured towards him, “this is Jonathan, everyone. He’s new and he’ll be joining us in group therapy. Why don’t we all introduce ourselves? I’ll start. I’m Dr. Figure and I’m the head psychiatrist here.”

“I’m Toby.” The boy next to Jonathan nodded his head and Jonathan smiled at him. It passed across Jonathan to the girl on his otherside. She glanced up briefly to introduce herself with a small smile.

“I’m Margaret.” She said softly and looked down at her hands again as the last boy introduced himself. He had headphones around his neck and a walkman clipped inside the pocket of his robe. Jonathan looked back at the girl, studying her. She looked as though she hadn’t slept in a while with the dark circles shading her downcast eyes. She was wearing a vintage nightgown, he realized, one with long sleeves and a modest neckline even though the dress was shorter than her knees. On her legs she had long brown socks tucked into a pair of duck boots. Her hair was brushed away from her face and fell straight down her back but he couldn’t see how long it actually was. She had a busted lip, he could tell from the bruising around her bottom lip and a scab that looked as if it was still bleeding. She played with the hem of her nightgown and glanced up again, catching him as he stared at her but he didn’t look away, she did. She flushed and stared at the tan tile around her chair.

“Now I’d like to pass this around and I want you all to add any recent fears or anxieties that may have come up in the last few days that we haven’t talked about yet,” Dr. Figure handed the clipboard to the boy next to Margaret. Toby raised his hand.

“Yes?”

“What if we’re scared of filling out paperwork?” Toby asked and Jonathan laughed. Dr. Figure seemed to genuinely ponder the question before Toby added, “that was a joke,” and Jonathan laughed again.

“Why don’t you tell us what you’re afraid of, doctor?” Jonathan smiled and Dr. Figure exhaled.

“It’s not important.”

“I think you’re deflecting, doctor.”

“Jonathan, if you’d like to discuss my fears then I would be happy to do so at a later time in my office,” Dr. Figure answered calmly.

“Oh, I see. You can analyze us as much as you want but as soon as someone asks the same question of you, you can’t answer, eh?” Jonathan crossed his arms across his chest.

“It’s just not something that I do with my patients during group therapy. This is your time to get better, it isn’t about me.”

“You know what would make me better, doctor?”

“What’s that, Jonathan?” Dr. Figure rubbed his eyes and waited for Jonathan to answer.

“I want clothes that actually fit. These are too short, I look ridiculous! And why do we have to wear fucking pajamas? How am I supposed to feel good about myself walking around in these, eh? And no one told me that girls were gonna be here too! Jesus, it's embarrassing.” Jonathan huffed and complained loudly, leaning forward in his seat sometimes to emphasize his point. He looked over at Margaret who was turning red.

“I understand that you’re upset about the clothes but they shouldn’t matter. You’re here to get better, Jonathan.” Dr. Figure crossed his legs and clasped his hands together.

“Now, if we could, please continue.” He gestured to Margaret to take the clipboard from the boy next to her. As she did so, Jonathan stood up and walked towards the door.

“Thanks, doc. That’s it for today.” He waved his hand and left the room, letting the door close behind him. He went straight to his room and sat down on his bed. Gray light filtered in through the window and he looked out at the rainy streets.

…

That evening he found the rec room and sat down by a window, bracing himself against a heater. Toby was sitting by the window as well and looked up at him when Jonathan approached.

“Hey,” Toby nodded.

“Hey.” Jonathan replied and opened the window but it caught after a few inches.

“It doesn’t open all the way,” Toby smiled, “they don’t want us to jump out.”

“Damnit, that was going to be my plan A,” Jonathan shook his head.

“What’s your plan B?”

“Wait out the next four months,” Jonathan chuckled darkly and reached into his breast pocket for a cigarette.

“They won’t let you smoke that in here,” Toby advised and glanced over at the female nurses speaking quietly near the door.

“I wouldn’t mind getting in trouble with them, eh?” He smirked at Toby who laughed. “Toby, right?”

“Yeah,” Toby nodded and pushed his glasses up his nose.

“Jonathan,” he patted his chest for a second and changed the subject, “By the way, what’s that girl’s story, the one from group.”

“Margaret?” Toby asked and Jonathan nodded. “She’s been here for a week or two. I think we came in around the same time. I don’t know a lot about her because she doesn’t say much in group. It must be hard being the only girl around our age here.” Toby shrugged and continued, “She’s had that busted lip for a while but I’m not sure exactly how she got it. I’ve talked to her a little and she’s nice.”

“And cute,” Jonathan added with a laugh and Toby nodded.

“Yeah, that too. I think she’s been through some shit.”

“Haven’t we all?” Jonathan muttered and Toby nodded knowingly. They sat in silence for a moment before Toby spoke again.

“You know I’ve been sneaking out of here a few times a week at night. I could take you if you wanted.”

“No shit,” Jonathan whispered with a smirk, “really?”

“Yeah. Wanna go tomorrow night?”

“Of course.”

“Ok,” Toby smiled.

“Ok.” Jonathan affirmed and hopped up. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See yah,” Toby waved and went back to looking out the window.

Jonathan left the rec room and wandered further down the hallways, passing the women’s ward. There was one men’s bathroom in the women’s ward and he went in. The opposite end of the bathroom had a short tiled wall that ended in a ledge below a row of barred windows. There were three sinks on his left and two stalls on his right, one a handicapped stall. A single urinal stood against the wall. Sitting on the ledge and leaning against one of the walls of the handicapped stall was Margaret, reading a book. The dying light from the window shone through her nightgown, showing the dark silhouette of her body underneath. She looked up quickly and jumped at seeing her.

“Shit sorry, I thought this was the men’s room.”

“It is, sorry.” Margaret closed her book and hopped down from the ledge, wincing as her feet hit the ground. “I like to read in here.”

“In the men’s room?” Jonathan raised his dark eyebrow, his pink lips pursed.

“No one uses this bathroom in the women’s ward.”

“The male nurses?”

“They aren’t allowed to work in the ward… legal reasons.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and held the book against her chest. He looked at the cover of the book.

“What are you reading?”

“Jane Eyre.”

“That’s a bit on the nose, isn’t it?” Jonathan laughed and she smiled.

“Maybe but I love it. I love anything by the Brönte sisters.” She fingered one of the pages on the book and met his eyes. She had a heart-shaped face with messy unkempt eyebrows and she was short, barely 5”3.

“Did someone have you locked up in their attic?” He joked.

“No, though it would have made my life more interesting.” She smiled at him, her cheeks pressed up into her eyes and flushed slightly from the conversation.

“You’re cute,” Jonathan broke the momentary silence and her eyes widened slightly.

“You don’t know me,” she laughed breathlessly and brushed past him to the door. He spun around and followed her.

“I don’t have to know you to know that you’re cute.” He protested and smiled as she took the door handle in her hand.

“Don’t be stupid,” She frowned and he threw up his hands in surrender.

“Personally, I thought that was pretty smart but hey- wait! Don’t go, I wasn’t actually coming in here to use the bathroom, I just wanted some space.”

She looked at him for a moment and rolled her eyes, “word of advice? Don’t call girls cute, it's demeaning.” She cocked her head at him and left the bathroom. He left after her and watched as she walked down the corridor to her room. She looked back at him and smiled to herself as she went inside and closed the door.

…

Jonathan woke up early the next morning for his private appointment with Dr. Figure. His room was cold and he’d slept in a t-shirt on top of his covers like a child. He was shivering when he finally woke up and quickly changed into his warmer pajamas, gritting his teeth as he remembered how short they were on him. He pulled on a jumper and laced his roughed up sneakers. Stepping out into the corridor, he rubbed his shoulders for warmth and hopped down the stairs two at a time. He pushed open the door to the garden and followed the cement sidewalk through a row of tall hedges. The morning was cold but the sun was already in the sky and shining on the hospital’s grounds. As Jonathan passed through the first set of hedges he looked to the side. Sitting on a small wooden bench was Margaret, still reading Jane Eyre. She had on a pair of men’s blue checkered pajama pants and a dark green jumper, also still wearing her duck boots. She sat with her legs crossed beneath her and her hair billowed in the short rushes of wind. He caught himself looking at her crotch and snapped out of it. He stuck his hands beneath his armpits and walked over, smiling wide when she looked up.

“How was your first night?” She dog-eared the page in her book and squinted up at him.

“Not bad, but I woke up fucking freezing.”

“The heaters don’t work in the rooms. That’s why I go into the bathrooms to read.”

“Or outside,” he pointed at her book. She smiled and looked down for a moment.

“It’s part of my treatment. I spend an hour outside everyday, for the fresh air and sun. It’s supposed to make me happier.”

“You know they have drugs that do the same thing.” Jonathan smiled and rocked back and forth on his feet.

“I don’t take them… I haven’t for a few weeks.”

“Oh?” Jonathan sniffed, his nose already running in the cold air. She thought about telling him why she wasn’t on her meds but changed her mind. Jonathan noticed her change in body language and cleared his throat.

“Look, I’m supposed to have a meeting with the doc. Could you show me where his office is?” He cocked his head to the side, twisting his lips into a smile.

“You think you’re real smooth, don’t you?” She shook her head, laughing.

“Don’t know, it depends on whether or not you say yes doesn’t it?”

“And what if I have something I’d rather be doing?” She smirked slightly and brought her knees up to her chest, balancing her heels on the edge of the bench.

“Do yah?” Jonathan asked.

“Of course.”

“And what is that?” He brought his head back upright and continued to smile, “what would you rather be doing than walking with me?”

“Eating real food at a restaurant with warm bread at the table, or going to a library where I actually have a valid library card, or buying expensive ice cream that I can’t eat because it's freezing outside…” she listed off the items, taping her lips with her index finger. Her cheeks were pink from the cold and Jonathan imagined how soft and cold they would be against his fingers.

“What if in exchange for showing me where the old man’s office is, I buy you an ice cream when we get out of this shithole?” He shuffled his feet in the brown grass and Margaret smiled softly.

“You think we’re getting out of this place?” She shook her head, almost sad but still smiling.

“Why don’t we just pretend we are, for the sake of today?” He shrugged and twisted his torso side to side. She watched him for a second, trailing her eyes over his lanky body stuffed into clothing that was made for someone much younger. She had to admit that he was pretty but there was a reason that they were all in there, and Jonathan wasn’t exempted from that. She nodded and put her feet back on the ground and stood. Holding Jane Eyre in her arms she led Jonathan back to the path in the direction of the smaller house near the border wall.

“So, what ice cream do you like?” Jonathan asked. His sneakers gripped the pavement and sent small pebbles bouncing across the pavement.

“German chocolate,” she answered after a moment of serious deliberation.

“You know, I’ve noticed something.”

“What?” She looked at him as they walked.

“I don’t recognize your accent. You aren’t Irish.”

“No,” she shook her head, “are you disappointed?”

He smiled and put his head back, “No, no. I’m just surprised. You don’t sound British either…” He bit his lip, trying to place her accent.

“I’m American,” she answered for him and pulled her hair to the side of her shoulder.

“American? What are you doing here?” He laughed lightly and she blushed.

“I’m studying here for a semester.”

“Where?”

“Trinity,” she glanced at him, “for Literature.”

“Fuck, no wonder you’re depressed. Why would you come to Ireland for college?” He laughed and she blushed further.

“I just wanted to get away from my family and Ireland seemed like the farthest place from home… and you have a good Literature program here.”

“Ah, all the Irish poets and writers…”

“And Sinead O’conner.” She added and Jonathan laughed loudly.

“You’re funny.”

“And cute, apparently.” She shrugged, “you still haven’t apologized.”

“For what?” He played dumb.

“For calling me cute.”

“I’m not apologizing for pointing out something that’s true.” He argued and she looked up at the sky, pretending to study the clouds.

“I think you’re an asshole, Jonathan.” She looked up at him and he nodded slowly, a small smile stuck to his lips.

“So do I.”

They walked in silence to the house and Margaret left him at the door. He walked in through the door, strips of paint curled and fell onto the doormat.

“Don’t forget that you owe me an ice cream,” she called quietly before the door closed and he gave a little salute before the door snapped shut.

...

end of pt. 1 :)

Thank you so much for all of the support. This community means the world to me and I feel very supported by everyone on this niche community. I love writing these silly little fanfics and I'm flattered that people like them. I read all of your comments and reblogs- lots of love!

#cillian murphy #cillian x reader #cillian x fem!reader #fanfiction #young cillian murphy #cillian fluff #cillian murphy x reader #jonathan breech #on the edge 2001 #fem!reader #imagine #multi chap fic #jonathan crane

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lieslab · 2 months

Text

Cover me

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: og8 X gn reader

Genre: Comfort/hurt

Word Count: 7.3K

A/N: Major trigger warning because this was a request where SKZ finds out you were sexually assaulted. This is another one of the darkest drabbles I've made so far. Eight different scenarios and multiple trigger warnings are posted before the drabbles like usual.

If you've been through any of this, I am so sorry and it is most certainly not your fault. Please don't blame yourself for the actions of others. To the lovely person who requested this, I hope this can help, at least, a little piece of you <3

_ _ _

Chan:

TW: Sexual assault at work, workplace verbal harassment and assault, heavily implied rape, blood, depression, and self-hatred.

Despite the warning signs, despite how uncomfortable it made you, you didn’t realize it was ever going to go that far. The latest co-worker that your job had just hired. You didn’t think anything of it when you smiled the first time you met him.

It started with you smiling at him and then him cracking jokes around you. It was all innocent until it wasn’t. One day his hands found your shoulders. You remember how warm they were as he dug his fingers into your flesh. You politely shrugged him off and went about your day.

After that, it went further. Little things he did here and there that made you uncomfortable, but you refused to speak up because you didn’t want to be told you were being dramatic. You didn’t want to risk escalating the situation.

He started hanging around your work area more. He waited for you by your car just so he could speak to you before you left. He was always standing too close for comfort. Even if you took another step back, he took another forward.

Further and further you shrank into yourself. Every time you made yourself smaller, it was a victory in his eyes. Always in your space, hands on your shoulders, he ran his fingers through your hair. Even though you already explained you had a boyfriend, he didn’t respect that, he took it as a challenge.

The casual comments about liking your accessories and outfits continued until they became verbal harassment. Your eyes went to the floor and shame filled your body when he talked about how well you filled out your jeans, how much he would please you, how much he’d make you happy.

You changed your shifts to get away and you thought that was enough. It was for a few weeks. It was until he changed shifts too and suddenly you were in the break room defenseless and alone and when you turned around, there he was looking at you like a piece of meat.

A piece of you died in that break room as you were cornered and taken advantage of. You couldn’t scream due to the shock. Your brain disassociated trying to save you from the heart-shattering reality of what was happening.

When you came home that night bleeding, you couldn’t look your boyfriend in the eyes. You showered and slipped into your pajamas and pretended like it never happened. You slept all night, you slept for half the day until you awoke and remembered what happened all over again.

Three days later, you locked yourself in the bathroom and called into work sick once more. You explained that you were down with the flu and it was bad. You rarely missed work unless you were sick, your boss understood and wished you well.

When you came out of the bathroom, Chan stood with his arms crossed. You attempted to swallow the lump in your throat. It was his day off and he had been sleeping, but he must have woken up when you got out of bed to call into work.

“Baby, what’s going on? You’re not sick with the flu, but you’ve been down for the past few days.” He walked towards you and gently cupped your cheeks in his hands.

He had always been like this with you. So gentle and so soft. He never dug into your delicate skin and left bruises. He didn’t take advantage of you when you were alone. He didn’t jerk your body in uncomfortable positions. He didn’t degrade you to the point of tears. Most importantly, he didn’t make you hate yourself.

You didn’t hate yourself until now. All that time you spent bettering yourself and working on your self-confidence was shattered. It had only been three days, but you couldn’t even imagine how it could get better from here. Your eyes stung and you blinked rapidly trying to hold back the tears.

“Did something happen at work?”

That was enough to make your knees collapse. Your throat closed up as Chan rushed to catch you. He managed to catch you by your waist and pulled you towards him. Your arms wrapped around him tightly. You promised yourself you weren’t going to make a big deal out of it, but it was killing you.

This thing, this secret, it was rotting you from the inside out. You didn’t want everyone to know. You didn’t want their pity and their doleful looks. You didn’t want to deal with the fall out of it all. You’d have to explain over and over and over, but you had to get it out.

So you blubbered through your tears and sniffled through a snotty nose. Chan’s face fell, but he listened to everything you had to say. His arms tightened around you to pull you closer to him. You clutched onto him like he was the only thing that could keep you afloat through all of this.

“I-I don’t want to go back,” you admitted through tears. “I can’t deal with him again. What if it happens again?”

“It’s not going to happen again because I won’t let it. You don’t have to go back there.” He wiped away your tears. “Let’s take this one step at a time, alright?”

You nodded and choked back another sob.

“Let’s get some food in your system and we’ll go from there. You don’t have to think about the future right now. Just focus on me. Let me take care of you.”

You let your head fall into his chest. He placed his chin onto your head. A quiet “thank you” fell from your lips. A sigh left your body and you began to relax.

“Just rest now, I’ve got you.”

_ _ _

Lee Know:

TW: Sexual assault by a parent and self-hatred.

“Do you really love me?”

Minho’s question caught you off guard. You scrunched up your eyebrows in confusion and turned to look at him. “Is that a joke question? Of course, I love you. Why wouldn’t I? I am dating you, aren’t I?”

“You won’t meet my parents.” He glanced up from his chair at the bar counter. “Why else won’t you meet them? I’ve asked you like three times if you’ll come with me to meet them and you keep turning down my offer. What am I supposed to think?”

You tightened your grip on the wooden spoon in your hand. You knew this was coming, but you weren’t expecting it to be today. Your fingers went pale and your heart beat began to pick up.

You heard it hammering in your ears. The soft pitter-patter had turned into a Friday night football drumline; booming and pounding so loud that it blocked out everything else. You kept your eyes down at the pitcher of lemonade you were making.

“If you don’t want to be with me anymore, you can tell me. It’ll hurt, but being with me when you don’t want to is only going to hurt each of us more. I can g-”

“It’s not that,” you finally found your voice. “It’s not that at all. It’s a complicated situation and it’s a lot.”

“Why don’t you explain it to me then? I’m sure I’ll understand.” Minho set his elbow down on the table and placed his chin in his palm. His boba eyes studied your face.

You poured another cup of sugar into the pitcher. You kept this buried deep inside of you and rarely told anyone. It was too embarrassing, too shameful, too humiliating. It made you feel sick and unloveable. Thinking about it now caused your stomach to tangle into knots.

“I’m sure your parents are lovely people. You talk about how much you love them. You talk about how much, specifically your mom, takes care of your cats when you’re away. Your parents sound amazing. I’m sure you had incidents with them occasionally, but for the most part, you have a good relationship with them.”

“And?”

“My parents were nothing like yours. You talk about how much you appreciate your parents. How loving they treat your cats. How happy they are to support you in your career and all your dreams. Your parents are what parents should be.”

“I had a parent,” you sucked in a deep breath, “that did things to me that I can never forget. Your parents would never dare do anything like that to me. I know they wouldn’t because I trust you and you trust them. However, I can’t help, but worry that it’ll happen.”

He pushed himself up and walked towards you. His hand found yours and he gently squeezed it. “My parents aren’t going to yell at you if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“That’s no-”

“They wouldn’t hurt a fly, let alone you.” His other hand cupped the side of your face. Your cheeks went red and he brushed a light thumb against the apple of your cheek. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

You shrugged. Part of you wanted to, but another part wanted it to remain hidden. It was an internal battle that battered back and forth. He gave you a reassuring smile and wrapped his arms around your waist.

“Minho?” You finally got out.

“Hmm?”

“One of my p-parents,” your voice wobbled, “they sexually assaulted me when I was a child. I didn’t know until I was older, but I…” You trailed off.

He tugged you into his arms. A hand found your back and he began to rub your back. “I had no idea, so I’m sorry.”

“No,” you shook your head, “I should be the one apologizing. Your parents want to meet me and I-”

“Shh.”

You shut your eyes and went quiet.

“Don’t apologize. I’ll tell them you’re working through some personal stuff and they’ll understand. You don’t have to meet them until you're ready. You can take all the time you need, alright? Don’t worry about meeting them right now.”

“Thank you.”

He bent down and kissed the top of your head. His other hand continued rubbing your back. You kept listening to the thrum of his heartbeat. It was the only thing that kept you from breaking down completely.

_ _ _

Changbin:

TW: Mentions of sexual assault by a female friend, underage drinking, blacking out, and paranoia around women.

“I can’t believe you bought so many clothes,” you teased and jabbed a light elbow into Changbin’s side.

“They’re not just clothes! They’re athletic wear and they’re all my size. Imagine how good those compression shirts are going to make me look when I lift in them. They’re going to make me look hot.”

“You already look hot.”

“They’ll show off my muscles and I’ll look even hotter.”

The two of you were side-by-side in a mall heading towards the exit. Changbin wanted to do some shopping and you offered to tag along. The two of you went from store to store until Changbin finally found the shirts he wanted.

“We probably could have started in the sporting store to begin with.”

“Yeah, but what fun is that? We wouldn’t have been able to look at everything.” He reached down and locked a hand around yours. “It was nice to look around and get some steps in.”

The two of you continued talking until you were near the exit. A large group of teenage girls were streaming inside laughing with each other. One of them was widely gesturing and screwing around.

You stopped in your tracks which caused Changbin to pause too. He glanced back over his shoulder at you. “Are you okay?” A frown sat on his face.

You nodded your head. “Yeah, yeah, I just-” You dropped his hand and walked behind him, so you were on the other side. He shifted his bags into the other hand. Your hand went back into his. “That’s better.”

He playfully rolled his eyes and chuckled. “You’re scared of a bunch of teenage girls? That seems a little silly.”

You shrugged not wanting to talk about it. They walked past the two of you not even batting an eye. He tugged you outside and continued to talk about his most recent purchases.

When you two got to his car, you opened up the passenger door and climbed inside. You buckled and stayed quiet. Your gaze went out the window and it stayed there while the two of you headed home. The ride was silent and uncomfortable after a while.

Changbin shifted in his seat and sighed. “Are you mad at me because I teased you in the mall? I was just screwing around. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“It’s whatever,” you mumbled.

“Can you, at least, tell me why you have a thing against women? Whenever we’re somewhere and you see a few, you kinda freak out. Do you hate them or something?”

Your fingernails dug into the skin of your thighs. You shut your eyes before you sucked in a deep breath and spoke. “I guess I’m a victim of the past. I know I should get over it because it’s been a while, but it still haunts me.”

Changbin frowned and kept his eyes on the road. “What do you mean? Did something happen?”

“I don’t want to ruin the mood. It’s not a big deal.” You pushed your forehead up against the cool glass of the passenger window. “It’s just one of the reasons why I am the way I am,” you shrugged.

“Okay, now you have to tell me.”

You remained quiet for a while before you pulled back. Your head rested against the back of the leather seat. Your eyes shut for a few moments until you spoke.

“Back when I was in high school, I was friends with a girl. The two of us were close and we had a good friendship. I mean, at least, I thought we did until we went to a party together and I got drunk.”

Changbin stayed silent listening to the story.

“It was high school and stupid. We were underage and had alcohol as minors. It was the first time I drank and I trusted her because I was with her. She was barely drinking, but I was drinking a lot. I ended up getting so drunk, I blacked out.”

“Oh?”

“When I woke up, I woke up to her sexually assaulting me.”

“Oh,” Changbin’s face fell.

“I know I shouldn’t think every woman I come across is going to hurt me, but it haunts me. It’s stupid, I know, but I-”

“It’s not stupid. Someone you trusted took advantage of you. If guys assault people and women become scared of them, the opposite can happen too. Just because it was a woman, it doesn’t mean you can’t be nervous around them.”

You slowly nodded and reopened your eyes. Your hands folded over each other on your lap. You swallowed the lump in your throat and glanced back outside. The scenery was a great distraction for your sudden confession.

“I’m sorry I teased you in the mall. I just thought you were afraid of teenagers. I didn’t know you had a valid reason for it. It won’t happen again.”

“It’s alright, I should learn to get over it anyway.”

“What you went through was rough. That’s not something you can just forget about.” He leaned an opened hand towards you. You let your hand fall into his and wrapped your fingers around his. “Healing can be a challenging thing.”

“Thank you for not making fun of me after speaking about it.”

“Now why would I do that? Has that happened before?” His eyebrows pinched together. “What a bunch of assholes. We’re going to get ice cream and it’s my treat. No meanies allowed.”

_ _ _

Hyunjin:

TW: Sexual assault by a teacher, sexual grooming, self-hatred, and paranoia around teachers/academic professors.

Hyunjin leaned over the back of the couch staring at you. His head rested on his folded arms. You rambled about the job you hated once again. Once you graduated high school, you opted not to go to college. So far, you hadn't found anything you liked.

Customer service made you want to gouge out your eyes. If one more person was snarky to you, you were considering punching them or quitting. Maybe even both at this point. You were fed up with being disrespected.

Hyunjin listened quietly to your ramble until you finished with a sigh. He perked his head up and stared at you. “You do know what I’m going to tell you, right?”

“Don’t say it,” you mumbled.

“Why don’t you go to college? You have so many interests and you’d be good at any of them. You could take out loans, yeah, but you could also apply for scholarships.” He flopped himself over the back of the couch. “You’re intelligent and talented, you could make it.”

You groaned and put your head in your hands. “I’ve already told you I don’t want to do that,” you grumbled.

“You’re right, but you’ve never explained why exactly. Seriously, why don’t you want to go? You were good in school and you always like to be challenged. Are you worried you won’t be good at it? I know you’re competitive, but you don’t have to be the best in the class.”

“Because I just don’t!” You snapped, feeling defensive and annoyed. “Stop trying to peer pressure me into doing something I don’t want to do!”

“But why don’t you? You could have a career in a field you love and I-”

“Because I don’t want to be groomed by a teacher again!” You spat. His eyes widened and you instantly slammed a hand over your mouth. The two of you stared at each other before you pulled your hand away. “Pretend I didn’t say that.”

He shoved himself up. “You can’t just say that and not explain. What happened when you were younger? Were you really groomed?”

“It was a long time ago,” you weakly got out. “It was high school and I was so naive. He was older and attractive and I liked that attention. I really thought he cared about me.”

“How long did this go on for?”

“About a year and a half until a student snitched because they caught us being intimate in the classroom.” Shame filled you and you dropped your head. “It was humiliating to live through that. The news spread like wildfire and everyone found out. The teachers, the students, the parents, and even surrounding schools.”

Hyunjin frowned.

“I don’t want to go through it again,” you managed to get out. “It was shameful and humiliating. It was the worst time period of my life. My parents forced me to testify against him in court and-” Tears filled your eyes. “I used to think I really loved him until I got older and realized what was happening.”

“And now you’re worried it’ll happen again if you go to college?”

You weakly nodded your head and sniffled. Using the back of your hand, you wiped snot from your nose. Hyunjin got up and walked over to you. Ignoring your waterworks and snot, he wrapped his arms around you. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I want to go to college, but the idea makes me nervous. I know I’d be good at it. I know I could make it work out. I just don’t want to be groomed again.”

“Have you ever considered online college? You’d have professors, but it’d be online. You wouldn’t have to deal with seeing them in person.”

“I guess I haven’t really thought about that option.”

“If you want to look into it more, I’ll help you. Try not to peer pressure yourself too much.” He leaned forward and planted a kiss on your forehead. “Take all the time you need. I’ll always be here if you need to talk more.”

_ _ _

Han:

TW: Child-on-child sexual assault by a female cousin, child pornography, grief, and resentment.

“And I tried to tell him that he looked like an idiot, but I-” Han leaned forward and waved his hand in front of your face. “Hey, are you listening to me?”

You pulled your eyes from the two younger kids across the way. The two of them were playing in the interior playground built into the fast food place. You forced your eyes to go back to Han. “I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“I was trying to say that Changbin was lo-”

You zoned out again. Your eyes went back over to the two kids. They looked happy chasing each other around the colorful tubes. One scrambled and dived into the inside of the tube. The other rushed after them. Their giggles were loud and reached your table.

Realizing you weren’t paying attention again, Han glanced over his shoulder to see what you were looking at. Their parents were talking and sitting down at a table nearby, so they could keep an eye on them.

“Do you know them?” Han asked. His eyes went to your face again.

You shook your head and forced your eyes back to the table. You picked up a french fry and put it into your mouth. The fries, you previously had been enjoying, now made your stomach churn. You forced yourself to swallow it and took a sip of your drink.

Han glanced back over his shoulder before he looked at you with a frown. “What was that about? Are you sure you don’t know them? You look almost sad.”

“I just miss childhood, I guess.”

Your reasoning was pathetic and Han wasn’t sure he believed you. He closed the lid on his burger box. “Do you want to get out of here?”

You nodded and stood up. Your food was only half eaten, but the idea of consuming anymore of it made you nauseous. The two of you cleaned up your stuff and placed it back into the bag it came in. Han rolled it down and carried it. He let you lead the way out of the building.

The salty fries and grease from hamburgers was replaced with fresh air. You sucked in a mouthful and closed your eyes. The sun was setting and Han slipped his hand in yours. He tugged you across the parking lot and back towards your apartment.

The two of you were quiet on the sidewalk until Han spoke up again. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about whatever that was? It looked like it really upset you. You don’t have to hide anything from me.”

“I know.”

He stayed quiet and continued walking with you. His hand sent a reassuring squeeze to yours. You stayed quiet for a while until you broke the silence. “Do you ever feel guilty for things that happened during childhood?”

“Like for things I did when I was a kid? Sure. I had an older brother, so I did a fair amount of stealing and pissing off my parents.” He shrugged and chuckled. “That’s just how some kids are, I suppose.”

“Not like that.”

“What do you mean?”

You glanced around making sure the two of you were alone. Once the coast was clear, you spoke again. “I lied when I told you I never had a cousin.”

“You…you lied about your cousin?”

“It’s a sensitive topic. She’s a few years older than me and she meant everything to me when I was a kid. She was like the older sister that I never had. She was everything I wanted to be.”

Han listened in silence.

“There was a day when everything went wrong. She was babysitting me like she did before. My parents paid her to babysit me and she wanted to play a game that involved us taking our clothes off.”

He frowned, “oh no.”

“If you have an idea of where you think this is going, you’re correct. Things escalated to touching and then she took photos. We were both minors at the time, but…” You trailed off. “I’ve been to a therapist before. She says that qualifies as sexual assault, but my cousin was just a kid too.”

“Did this go on for a while?”

“Months until her parents found the photos she took of me on her phone. I don’t really know what happened after that. She stopped coming over and her parents moved away. We’re still related, but neither one of us has ever reached out to each other.”

“That sounds awful. I’m sorry that happened to you.” He squeezed your hand once more. “So when you were looking at those kids…”

“They reminded me of my cousin and I before things went wrong. We were happy and we also played our fair share of tag. Sorry for ruining our dinner together. I wasn’t trying to destroy the mood.”

“You didn’t ruin anything.”

“Han?” Your voice wavered a little.

“Hmm?”

“Is it wrong to still be angry?” Your words came out in a whisper. “Is it wrong to hate her even though we were both kids? Is it wrong to be upset years later?”

“It’ll never be wrong.” He paused, let go of your hand, and turned to face you. “You went through something really difficult with someone you trusted. It seems like there’s a lot of hurt still trapped inside and it’s a tender subject.”

“I think she was a victim too.” Tears filled your eyes. “I think she learned it from somewhere. I think someone was doing it to her. I should have spoken up and helped her sooner.”

“But you were just a kid too. You didn’t know. Even if that did happen and you think that now, you don’t know for sure. That doesn’t take away from what happened to you. You still went through something life-changing and heart breaking. You deserve to be able to grieve too.”

In the middle of the sidewalk, grief washed over you. In the middle of sweetened cherry blossom trees and the whiff of burger grease. Grief punched you in the gut and squeezed your heart.

The guilt for not speaking up. The anger for being hurt to begin with. The sadness for the innocence loss. The betrayal of being hurt by someone, a family member, you looked up to.

Han leaned forward and wrapped his arms around you. He squeezed the bag of food tighter in his hand. “I’m so sorry.” He stayed there for quite a while just holding you and letting you sit with all your emotions.

“Thank you,” you mumbled with watery eyes as you pulled away.

He slipped his hand back into yours. “Let’s go home and find something to do. While we’re heading there, let me tell you about this ugly jacket that Changbin bought the other day.”

Felix:

TW: Sexual assault by a stranger, social anxiety, and paranoia.

Social anxiety was hard. Outside in public, people were minding their own business. In reality, everyone was too caught up in their own worlds to focus on you. However, your brain was sure everyone was against you. Whenever someone glanced your way, you were convinced they were judging you and planning your demise. Every laugh that people shared, they were laughing at you.

It was a difficult thing to live with, but ever since you got to know Felix, you were prepared to try and battle it. He lived his life courageously. He wasn’t afraid to venture out into the world and ask questions. He didn’t have a fear like you did.

So when you decided to get groceries alone on a Saturday morning and reject his help, he was shocked, but he believed in you. He woke up early and was sure to text you a motivational message. He stayed glued to his phone just in case you needed him.

You were nervous walking into the store. Every little thing had you on edge, but you were determined to do this. Exposure therapy was apparently a helpful way to help with anxiety. The more you did it, the more comfortable and relaxed you’d become with it.

You paid close attention to your list and made sure to double, even triple, check the list to make sure you had the right items. You marked everything off and made your ways through the aisles. It was still pretty early and the store was a lot less crowded than usual.

You were just starting to relax after passing a few customers. You held your breath each time worried that they’d say something demeaning or rude, but they never did. You were finally starting to make real progress until you felt someone’s eyes on your back.

The hair on the back of your neck pricked up. You rounded the next aisle, glanced over your shoulder, and discovered a man standing a few feet back. His eyes were directly on yours. You ignored him and ventured on trying not to worry.

The further you moved, the closer he got. Closer and closer and closer. You shifted yourself. You pulled out your phone and hoped he’d go away. You lingered in the pasta section hoping he’d lose interest, but he stayed there observing.

You were almost finished when you felt something touch your back. You stiffened with your hands curling around the cart handle until your fingers went white. The unwanted hand drifted down your lower back and continued straight down.

You didn’t know what to say. Your brain short-circuited and you panicked. The man laughed and you felt his breath on your neck. You suddenly took off as fear shot through you. You left the cart, clutched your list, and ran as fast as you could to the restrooms.

Too afraid he’d follow you, you slipped into the disabled restroom and pulled out your phone. Tears filled your eyes and, after making sure the door was locked, you backed up. You found Felix’s number and pressed the call button.

Felix picked up on the third ring. Before he could get out a proper greeting, he was met with the sound of your sob. You begged him to come quickly because you were scared. He tried to calm you down as best as he could.

He didn’t understand what was fully happening. You couldn’t explain much through your cries. You felt disgusting knowing that you had just been groped by a stranger. All you wanted to do was get your groceries and go home.

It took a total of fifteen minutes before Felix finally announced he was outside the bathroom. You pulled the door open and he stared at you with a concerned face. You launched yourself at him and wrapped your arms around his waist.

“What happened?” He questioned as he put his phone away.

“S-Some guy, h-he just-” You hiccuped. Your throat constricted and you struggled to explain.

Instantly, he was pissed after your blubbering explanation. He stayed directly by your side as he helped you report the man to the manager. Once another employee located the man, the police were called. The cameras matched what you reported.

Felix refused to leave your side and didn’t let go of your hand once. He was sure to reassure you that it wasn’t your fault and you did the right thing by reporting it. It made you feel awful, but you were glad he was arrested for his actions.

“And if you need me,” Felix continued once more, “call me.”

“But what if you’re on tour in another country?”

“I’m Australian. Do you really think an ocean will stop me? I’ve practically been training since birth. Doesn’t matter,” he shrugged, “I’ll swim across it.”

Despite your messy state, you chuckled and sniffled. You wiped the remaining tears off your cheeks. “I don’t think you understand how big oceans are.”

“Doesn’t matter, I’ll do anything for you.”

_ _ _

Seungmin:

TW: Sexual assault by a religious leader, religious trauma, anger, guilt, and grief.

“How hot do you think hell is?” Seungmin asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think people attempt to steal the gold from the roads in heaven?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think heaven and hell actually exist?”

You puckered your lips and forced yourself to keep your composure. “I don’t know. Why does it matter anyway? Whatever happens will happen. I don’t really want to consider burning for all eternity.”

“Would you rather be reincarnated? I think that’d be fun. I want to come back as Changbin.”

You hummed without really responding and went back to drinking your mug of coffee. You sipped the bitter drink debating if you should add more sugar or not. You licked your lips and decided to add another spoonful into the warm mug.

“Didn’t you grow up religious?” Seungmin continued. “You grew up religious and you have no opinion on heaven or hell? What’s up with that?”

“Do we have to keep talking about this? I’d rather not.” Your grip tightened around your mug. Religion was a sore subject when it came to you. “Why don’t we talk about something else more important?”

Seungmin narrowed his eyes and scanned you up and down. “Something happened with you and religion, didn’t it? You’re bitter and angry about it now.”

You slammed the mug down onto the counter. Steaming coffee sloshed over the side and drizzled onto your hand. “Of course, I’m fucking angry about it. You’d be pissed off too if your youth pastor sexually assaulted you and when people fucking found out out about it, they claimed he’d never do that because he’s a man of god.”

“And then,” you continued angrily, “some people do believe you and you’re told to forgive him because that’s what God would want. Do you know how fucked up that is? Well, you should just pray and spend some time with God,” you mocked in a high pitched voice.

“I was a teenager! My youth pastor was holding one-on-one sessions with me after church and you know what he told my mom? He told her that we were studying the bible. All he was doing was studying my goddamn body supposedly in the name of God!”

Seungmin stared at you in shock. He knew religion was a tender subject, but he never knew why. You mentioned in passing that you were once religious. He was just asking genuine questions. Sure they were stupid, but he meant them light-heartedly. He thought it’d lead to a deeper conversation, not this.

“I-”

“Shut up!” You snapped. “I don’t want your pity, just fucking save it.” You stood up, stormed out of the kitchen, and walked into the bedroom. Leaving Seungmin bewildered, you slammed the door shut and threw yourself in the bed.

You wasted no time curling the blanket over your head and cocooning beneath it. Tears flooded your eyes and you sniffled. You slung an arm across your face to wipe the salted tears away.

Whispers of people from the past taunted you. Forgive and forget. All part of God’s big plan. That never happened. The thoughts circled, swarmed, and stung you like bees.

As you grew up, you felt guilty about the whole thing. You were always forced to feel bad about it when it came to light. You ruined a godly man. You destroyed his reputation and when he ended up in jail, it was your fault too.

The past constricted around your heart and squeezed. You struggled to breathe. The scabbed wound was ripped off once again and you were bleeding everywhere. Too in your head, you didn’t hear the door creak open.

Seungmin crept inside, shut the door behind him, and whispered your name. A sob escaped your lips. He walked over, pulled the blanket off your head, and slipped into the bed beside you. His arms wrapped around your body and he tugged you close.

You buried your head in his chest while you cried. He gently let his fingers trace invisible shapes on your back until you calmed down. It took a while and when you stopped, he began to speak.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t know anything like that happened to you. I won’t bring anything like that up again. You didn’t deserve to have that happen to you.”

“Do you think,” you sucked in a shaky breath, “it was really part of God’s plan? Do you think…” Your voice wobbled and you trailed off.

“No. I don’t know what I believe, but I don’t think some higher power would want you to go through that. I don’t think it was a blessing in disguise to find some bigger meaning in life. I think it was a horrible and terrible thing that happened to you.”

“You don’t have to believe in anything you don’t want to. Whatever religion or spiritual thing you want to believe in, you’re allowed to. I think sometimes people are assholes and everyone is responsible for their own actions at the end of the day. People love to blame the devil or God or whoever to avoid taking accountability. It’s an easy way to try and sneak out of the consequences.”

You stayed quiet listening to him. His hand began to rub up and down on your back. His other hand played with the ends of your hair. “I think you’re a victim and I can’t even imagine how much you’ve gone through and dealt with. You’re incredibly strong an-”

“I’m not strong,” you whimpered. “I’m pathetic and worthless. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without still feeling sick.”

Seungmin clutched you tighter. “You’re not pathetic and worthless. You’re beautiful and I hate that you view yourself like that. Did that dickhead get put in prison?”

You managed to nod.

“Well, thank fuck. If I was a God, I’d strike him down with a bolt of lightning. See how he likes that and then when he’s in pain, I’d tell him it was part of God’s plan when his dick was shriveling and burnt and falling off.”

You couldn’t stop your snort.

“You think I’m kidding? He better watch his back. He has no idea what I’m capable of.”

“You’re not a God,” you mumbled.

“Oh, yeah? Where’s your proof, huh? I’ve got devoted followers that happily worship me. They sing me praises and offer me offerings. I could be a God and I could start a cult. I’d be an amazing cult leader.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s your first order of business then?” You shifted and wiped away a few tears.

“Pft, that’s easy. I’d make everyone start barking at Han.”

“Why would yo-”

“I just think it’d be funny to see him look confused and terrified as thousands of people randomly started to bark at him.”

“You’re a menace,” you mumbled.

“And Han’s worst nightmare. This is my revenge for the time he chucked a wallet at my head. He better think twice before crossing me again.”

_ _ _

I.N:

TW: Sexual assault by a police officer, abuse of power, paranoia around cops, unresolved trauma, and grief.

“Oh, shit.” Jeongin mumbled as he shifted his foot and eased on the break. He hadn’t seen the cop nearby and he was going over the speed limit.

Catching a glimpse of the cop car behind you in the side mirror, you gulped. You adjusted your eyes and placed them on the car in front of the two of you. Your fingers fiddled with each other and your anxiety began to pick up.

Jeongin turned on his turn signal and the cop followed which only made your anxiety increase. You sucked in a shaky breath and dug your nails into your thighs. Jeongin glanced over at you and frowned. “Are you okay?”

You nodded your head and stayed silent. He continued driving down the road. After a few more roads, the cop turned down a side street and you sucked in a deep breath. Your eyes shut and you tried to relax despite the quickened thudding of your heart.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jeongin asked. “You seem really worked up. Have you ever had an incident with a cop before?”

“Once,” you muttered and turned your attention out the window.

“Ah, speeding ticket? That seems to be the most common thing.”

“Something like that.”

He paused for a moment taking in your words. “Was it not a speeding ticket?”

“They actually thought I was a suspect they were looking for. I matched the basic description, so I was pulled over and forced to get out of my car. I was handcuffed and everything, but then…” You trailed off not finishing your sentence. “Never mind,” you shook your head. “It was a few years ago and doesn’t really matter.”

“You can’t leave me hanging like that. What happened next? Did they actually arrest you until they figured out they fucked up or something?”

“They had me cuffed and with an officer for a while until they called for backup. They searched my car and had my identification card. They were trying to figure out the actual suspect’s name.”

“I bet that was awful to go through.”

“Mmhm.” You blinked rapidly trying to not let your tears fall. If they fell, you’d have to explain everything and you didn’t want to.

Jeongin was Jeongin. When he realized you were super quiet, he glanced over to check on you and caught you wiping away tears. “What happened?” He frowned. “Were you actually taken to jail?”

“I don’t thi-”

“Please, I want to know.”

You sucked in a shaky breath. You had never told anyone what really happened. You swallowed the lump in your throat. “I don’t think you’ll believe me,” you got out weakly. “They were a cop and I’m just a regular citizen.”

“Did they do something to you?”

“The cop that was gripping me and making sure I wasn’t going anywhere, they groped me. I tried to get away, but they kept yelling at me and the other cops were searching my car and-” More tears spilled down your cheeks. “Sorry for crying.”

“It’s alright, you’re allowed to cry.” He continued to drive, but kept glancing over at you. “What happened after that?”

“They let me go with a weak apology after they realized they misidentified me. They uncuffed me and let me go home. That was the end of it.”

“But the cop that assaulted you, h-”

“Nobody saw it happen. If I would have spoken up about it, it would have made things worse. I was terrified that I’d end up going to jail and I just wanted to go home. I wanted to be left alone. Ever since then, I’ve hated cops.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I could have spoken up, but what do you do when someone is in a position of power over you? When they have friends and they’re protected and surrounded by people,” you shrugged and let out a weak laugh. “I should just get over it. It’s not like anything is going to change. Life goes on and they keep their job.”

“But they assaul-”

“The world doesn’t work like that,” you shook your head. “There were no cameras in the area. The other officers weren’t paying attention. There were no witnesses, it was just them and me.”

“I’m sorry,” he got out again. The thought of you being so vulnerable and terrified made his heart hurt. He blinked back his own tears. “That never should have happened to you.”

“It’s whatever. It happened and it’s over.” You attempted to downplay the situation, but he could see right through you.

“You’re allowed to grieve and be hurt. You’re allowed to be upset and angry. You can be sad too if you want to.”

“I know.” More tears brimmed your eyes. “It’s not fair that I have to deal with all the effects and they go on with their life like nothing happened. It’s why I believe in karma. I have to believe that someday they’ll get what’s coming to them. If I don’t believe in that, it’ll destroy me.”

After a few more moments of silence, Jeongin spoke up again. “Do you maybe want to go to an arcade and get your mind off it? I’ll pay for your stuff. We can play whack-a-mole and pretend we’re beating the shit out of the officer. I think it’d be a great way to relieve some stress.”

“Can we get food while we’re there?”

“Well, duh.”

You laughed and wiped away some of your tears. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go beat up some moles.”

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @s3ungmins

Masterlist

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #stray kids drabbles #stray kids fanfiction #kpop fanfic #skz fanfic #bang chan #lee know #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #lee felix #kim seungmin #yang jeongin

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aamalaaa · 1 year

Text

Lifeline | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: bestfriends to lovers au, hurt/comfort, jk is so understanding, fluff, romance, reader is sad but it'll be ok

warnings: reader suffers from depression but doesn't know it, it gets a little heated but there's no smut

word count: 3.6k

a/n: sooo, this was supposed to be a drabble and yet.. I got a lil carried away. I hope you like this, I've wrote this from my own experience with depression, I hope you can find comfort in it, you're never alone and I love you<3

It’s been days, weeks now that you’ve been feeling like this. Nothing happened, nothing dramatic. You still go to work, still talk to your friends. On the outside, things seem as normal as they usually are. You seem okay, maybe a bit indifferent.

You’re not.

You’re not okay, you feel like not enough air gets into your lungs, you feel heavy, tired, like the weight of the world is too much to endure. You still manage to look relatively okay, you shower, put on makeup, make sure your clothes are clean and fit well together when you put an outfit together.

You haven’t washed your clothes for weeks though. You only have a few things left in your wardrobe, the rest of your clothes lay on a chair, on the floor of your bedroom, your couch and next to the shower.

You didn’t clean up your room, kitchen, bathroom or anything in your apartment really. It doesn’t look good, you can’t stand to leave the lights on because you’d have to face the mess and feel bad about it. You don’t feel like you’re doing enough, you feel incompetent and lazy.

You don’t cry though, can’t bring yourself to. Staying awake and going to work is tiring enough, you can’t muster enough energy to cry on top of that. You wish you could, maybe it would help. Fill the empty hole in your chest, make you feel something again, replace the shame and tiredness with something else. Anything not to feel like this, empty, unmoored.

You’re laying in bed when you hear it first, a soft knock. Your ears perk up at the sound but you still stay wrapped up in your duvet, even bringing it up a little above your head, trying to drown out the noise.

But the noise doesn’t stop, it’s at your front door and it gets louder and louder. Though it stays gentle, like the instigator knows you can’t handle more, loud and constant noises make you feel overwhelmed these days.

You groan loudly before throwing the duvet off your body in one swift motion, making you shiver instantly at the contact of cool air against warm skin. You need to up the heat here, or maybe put on something that isn’t tiny shorts and a tank top.

You barely have anything else in your wardrobe though, goddamn you need to wash your clothes.

You slowly trudge to the front door, hoping the visitor will get tired and go away before you get there. But he doesn’t and you have no choice, someone came up here to see you and you can’t be this ungrateful. Won’t let yourself be.

So you card your hand through your hair to try and tame it before quickly opening the door to its full extent.

The black haired man stares at you with his wide doe eyes, hand stopping mid motion in the air where the door was, a black tote bag in his other hand.

You stare back, shock clearly visible all over your face. If you didn’t expect one thing, it’s to see Jungkook at your doorstep, looking this fucking hot in black sweatspants, a black longsleeved shirt and an equally black baseball cap to match.

“Kook, what are you doing here? Did we have something planned? I forgot didn’t I- Ah shit! I’m so sorry, my mind’s a bit of a mess today..” You anxiously blurt out.

Jungkook awkwardly brushes a strand of hair beneath his ear. “No, no we didn’t have anything planned, don't worry,” He hurriedly says, noticing your nervousness. “I just-“ He pauses. “I hadn't heard from you in a few days and you didn’t respond to my texts so I decided to pay a visit..”

And if his appearance wasn’t enough to make you melt into a puddle of goo, his explanation sure is. Because how could he be this attentionate and caring?

You’ve known Jungkook for a few months, meeting him through your group of friends and you quickly grew closer, became good friends even. And you may or may not have a huge crush on him but that’s another story and you’re not about to admit it out loud, not now, not ever. If he liked you that way he would’ve told you already, you’re not about to burden him with your feelings.

But you’re fine being just friends, he’s an amazing person and you couldn’t imagine your life without him now, he’s the funniest and kindest person you’ve ever known. You can keep your emotions under check, maybe they’ll even settle down after a while.

Though you doubt it considering the way your heart beats loudly against your rib cage only from standing a few feet away from the man. Oh well.

“Oh.. that’s very kind of you,” You breathe out.

Jungkook shoots you a dazzling wide smile and you almost faint at the sight.

“Sooo, can I come in? I got a few things for you,” He lifts up the tote bag he’s been holding.

Your heart skips a beat, god he’s making it very hard for you not to completely fall in love with him.

“Umm..” You start, unsure what to say.

He can’t see your place like this, he’d probably run for the hills. “My place’s a bit of a mess and I was planning on cleaning up today-“

“I can help!” He enthusiastically cuts you off.

You stare at your feet, wiggling your toes around. “I mean you don’t have to, it’s fine really and you must have better things to do..” He can’t see your place like this.

He snorts. “I have the day off, let me help, I want to! Plus, I brought food!” He says, a hopeful smile etched upon his mesmerizing face.

Goddamn fucking Jeon Jungkook, you can’t say no to him, not when he’s looking at you like that.

“I- Ok but please don’t judge, I’m just very busy,” You step out of his way, motioning for him to come in. His only reply is a nod before he slides in through the door.

He spends a moment, and only a moment to observe your apartment before heading towards the kitchen counter and dropping the bag he’s been holding.

You’re so fucking embarrassed, he’s probably gonna judge you or worse, pity you. Though he would never say it out loud, that’s not Jungkook.

“I’ve seen worse,” He gets out a few supplies from the bag and puts them on the counter.

“Please don’t lie, it’s disgusting,” You sigh, picking up a few stray clothes on the floor to throw them on the couch.

He lifts up his eyes to you, gaze locked into yours. You hold it for a few seconds before dropping your eyes to the ground, a rosy tint adorning your cheeks.

“What’s going on?” He gently asks, dropping the broccoli he was holding on the counter and stepping closer to you.

You shrug and nervously fiddle with your fingers, refusing to meet his gaze. You can’t do this, you’ve been really good at keeping your emotions at bay.

You can’t give up now.

But he doesn’t relent. “What’s wrong?” He’s very close to you now and you shyly peek at him before dropping your eyes to your hands again.

He softly takes both of your hands in his, stopping you from fiddling with them. And you can barely hold it in now, you have no distraction to focus on instead of the gaping hole in your heart, threatening to split your whole being in two any moment now.

“Nothing, don’t worry,” You croak.

He drops your left hand to bring his right one up to your chin, tilting your face upward slowly, forcing you to look at him.

You feel them, tears pricking at the corner of your eyes, ready to spill out.

He stares at you, an incredibly concerned look in his eyes and caresses your chin softly with his thumb. “Talk to me, please.”

And that’s all it takes for you to lose it, tears flowing freely on your cheeks like cold rain on a fogged up window. You bring your hands up to your face, hiding to the best of your abilities behind them.

“I- I d-don’t know Kookie, what’s wrong with me?” You hiccup, the sound muffled by your palms.

Your heart almost splits in half when your friend takes you in his strong arms, your head laying in the crook of his neck, and strokes your hair in soothing motions. Which only makes you sob harder.

He doesn’t say a word for a long time, settles on stroking your hair and leaving a few kisses on top of your head.

You manage to calm down after a few minutes, but not before you leave a big wet spot on his shirt.

“Oh god I’m so sorry, your shirt is ruined.”

He chuckles warmly and leaves another kiss on your head before replying. “It’s just a shirt.”

You nuzzle a bit closer in his neck, taking in the calming jasmine scent. It’s grounding, like a deep rooted tree in the middle of a storm.

“Do you want to sit down and eat?” He asks, voice just shy of a whisper.

You shake your head no, pressing even closer in his embrace, not willing to let go. Which prompts a loud chuckle out of Jungkook.

“You need to eat, we can lay around and do nothing after.”

You groan, but ultimately step away. Jungkook lets out a small laugh, strokes your hair once more and sweeps his thumbs under your eyes to try and dry your wet cheeks.

You can’t help the furious blush that creeps up your neck and all the way to your cheeks, though you can hide your face behind your hair. So you do.

Jungkook coos before heading towards the kitchen counter, getting to work immediately.

You’re mostly silent, though Jungkook manages to make you laugh a few times with his antics. You eat the meal he prepared for you, not missing the way he constantly peers at you to make sure you’re eating.

You almost eat all of your plate, you’d feel entitled and ungrateful not to. But there’s so much your stomach can take, and the portion he gave you was twice what you’d usually eat.

“This was amazing, thank you,” You smile.

He smiles back, that bunny grin of his you love so much. “My pleasure.” He replies, a slight blush making its way onto his cheeks. “Got anything you want to do this evening?” He tilts his head to the side before getting up and dropping his plate next to the sink.

“I was thinking of just like, watching a movie or something. You don’t have to stay, really,” You’d be lying if you said you didn’t hope he would stay.

Which is why your heart swells ten times its original size at his response.

“I’m not going anywhere, unless you want me to leave,”

You shake your head. “No.. stay.”

He smiles bashfully before taking your plate and cleaning the dishes he had used for the meal. You get up and join him, picking a rag up and drying the clean dishes before you put them in the cupboards.

It takes a few minutes, silence reigning peacefully over the both of you, the only sounds breaking it being Jungkook whistling quietly and water splashing in the sink.

When you’re both done, he excuses himself to go to the bathroom and you take that moment to change into a large black t-shirt and slide under the covers of your bed, using the remote controller to turn on the television.

When Jungkook comes back into the lounge, he chuckles at the sight of you snuggled deep under the covers, a plushie between your arms, scrolling through netflix for a movie to watch.

You quirk your brow at him questioningly when you see him awkwardly standing next to the bed.

“What are you standing there for?” You playfully question.

He cards a hand through his hair, seemingly nervous. “Well.. where do you want me?”

You stare in shock, mouth agape before you break out into a loud cackle while Jungkook frowns in confusion. “What? What did I say?”

“Oh Kook,” Your laughter dies down progressively. “It’s nothing.” You pat the empty side of your bed, smiling amusedly at the black haired man.

He shrugs, confused but still hops on the bed, keeping a safe distance from you, much to your dismay.

“Get under the covers Kookie,” You stare him down.

“O-ok,” He tentatively slides under the covers, fully clothed.

You press play on the title you chose and scoot closer to Jungkook, feeling him stiffen at the proximity. “What’s wrong?” You question, feeling shy all of a sudden. It’s not your first time cuddling with him, so why is he being weird about it?

He exhales slowly before responding. “I just-“ He stops himself, rubbing at his eyes anxiously. “I just want to make sure you’re okay with this.. I know you’re feeling vulnerable and sad right now, I don’t want to take advantage of that.” He almost whispers the last part, while you can only look at him curiously, not quite understanding what he means.

“We cuddled before, what’s different?” You question, straightening up.

He shoots you an indecipherable look before scooting closer to you. “Nothing, come on over.”

You giggle and drape your arm around his stomach, your head resting on his chest. The soft rhythm of his heart puts you at ease almost instantly.

You both watch the movie in silence, Jungkook occasionally stroking your hair, making you shiver each and every time.

After a while he breaks the comfortable silence. “Do you want to talk about what happened earlier?” He breathes out against your hair.

You sigh in resignation. Of course he’d want to know, and it’s understandable. You did have a full on breakdown in his arms, after all. You just don’t know what to say, don’t know what’s wrong. You just know something is.

“I’ve been feeling kinda.. off, I guess?” You start, voice uneven. Another gentle stroke of your hair. “Like I have no energy, I don’t want to go out or do anything, I can’t clean up or do anything except go to work..” You feel him shifting his head a bit, probably looking at you.

You don’t meet his gaze and continue. “It’s silly really, don’t worry too much.”

He sighs and tilts your chin up with his free hand. You slowly lift your eyes, meeting his own. He seems conflicted and hurt. You don’t understand.

“How could you say that?” He observes you carefully. “I care about you, of course I’m gonna be worried. And it’s not silly, it’s important. I want you to be happy, so happy. You deserve it, you deserve everything good. How can you not see that?” He cradles the side of your face with his hand, you blush profusely, your heart beat going absolutely frantic. What the hell is going on?

“I- I’m sorry..” You don’t know what to say, apologizing seems like the right thing to do, seeing the pained look on his face.

His hold on your face gets stronger as his eyes widen. “Why are you apologizing? You did nothing wrong, except thinking so poorly of yourself.” He exhales. “I didn’t want to make you feel bad about it, I’m sorry.” He strokes your cheek tenderly.

You can’t stop staring in his big eyes, like under a spell of some sort. It’s just hard not looking into them when they seem to hold the whole galaxy.

You open your mouth to speak, but close it soon after. He sends you a questioning look.

It takes you a few seconds to reply. “I don’t know what to say..” You murmur.

“You don't have to know what to say, we’ll figure it out together,” He gently replies, shooting you a soft smile in the process.

You almost cry again as his words register in your head. You inhale shakily. “Why-“ You gulp. “Why would you do that for me?”

He brings his head down, fiddling with the sleeve of your shirt. “Why do you think?” He whispers, a peachy tint appearing on his cheeks.

You frown in confusion, using your hand to stop his movements. “Because you’re a good friend? Why are you being so cryptic?” You ask, completely lost

Jungkook chuckles fondly before looking back into your eyes. “I’m really gonna have to spell it out uh,” He cradles the side of your face once more before timidly smiling at you.

“I guess so?” You unknowingly snuggle closer into his hand.

“Will you let me show you?” He strokes your hair with his long fingers, spurring on a shiver out of you.

You send him a puzzled look. You’re so fucking lost. “Um, I guess yeah?”

He looks at your lips before gazing into your eyes again, then stares at your lips once more.

And your heart might leap out of your chest because then, he gets a little closer, his face a few inches away from yours. His breath fanning over your cheeks makes you shiver.

“Can I kiss you?” He murmurs, so close you can almost feel the vibration of his voice onto your skin.

“Can you what-“ You squeeze his hand on instinct, the one you were still holding.

“Kiss you,” He replies cockily, raising a brow.

“Uh, what-“ What’s going on, and why are you so socially inept. “Why would you-“ You loudly gulp, not finishing your sentence.

He nervously chuckles. “Because I-“ His voice cracks, and he tries to move further away from you. You scream internally. “It’s ok if you don’t want to. God I’m sorry I didn’t-“

You cut him off by tugging on his arm and crashing your lips onto his before even realizing what you’re doing. The angle is awkward and your lips collide almost painfully. You don’t care though, can’t bring yourself to.

At first, you both stay there, lips pressed against the other’s, unmoving, surprised by the sudden closeness. But soon enough, Jungkook kisses you back, sighing happily while his soft lips caress yours. You start moving along with him almost immediately, it’s almost like a dance, really.

You feel him shift as he adjusts your position, laying you down backwards and hovering over you, tilting your head back a few inches to deepen the kiss.

Your brain is foggy, you can’t even think or do anything but kiss back hungrily. Like his lips are a lifeline and you’re lost at sea. Latching onto him with unrivaled passion, your hand gripping the hair at the back of his neck pleadingly, soft whimpers escaping your throat only to be swallowed by the man holding you together like glue.

You fist the front of his shirt so forcefully your knuckles turn white while Jungkook nibbles at your bottom lip. You can feel him smirking against your mouth when you let out a loud whimper. He uses that moment to slide his tongue against yours, groaning in the process, lapping at your mouth like a dehydrated man.

And if this is a dance, then Jungkook is a master dancer. And the avid apprentice you are, you’re willing to learn every step, over and over again until you know them by heart.

You slide your hand under his shirt, feeling the warmth of his bare skin and defined abs you thought about more often than you’d be willing to admit. You notice him shivering at the contact of your hand on his stomach and that only serves to spur you on even further, up his ribs and chest.

It goes on like this for a long time, parting for oxygen from time to time, only to come together again. Jungkook and you battling for the lead, though you always end up happily losing the battle. And after a while it gets softer, gentle caresses and long, languid strokes of tongues intertwining together in complete harmony.

Jungkook slides his thumb above your eyebrow, leaning away for just a moment before leaving a quick peck on your lips. When he lets go of your lips, you try to chase his own needily, only to hear a gruff, quiet laugh from the man you just spent the better half of an hour kissing.

You open your eyes and pout at him, which is apparently really funny because he laughs even harder.

Your pout deepens and you try to push him off with all the strength you can muster, which is admittedly not a lot.

He coos at you before leaving yet another soft kiss on your lips, making you sigh happily.

“I guess you wanted to,” He confidently comments, a small smirk lifting the side of his red swollen lips.

You roll your eyes playfully. “Great guess, Sherlock.”

Jungkook settles down next to you, tugging you closer to him as he does. You wrap your arm around him and lay on his chest, just like you did earlier. Except now it feels more intimate and the butterflies in your stomach roam freely around your body.

You don’t even notice you’re dozing off until a strong hand gently shakes your shoulder, you hum in response.

“Do you want me to go?” You hear a scratchy voice murmur in your ear.

You frown and shake your head. “Nuh-uh, stay, please..” You’re barely able to get the words out in your sleepy state.

“Okay, I’ll stay,” He responds, snuggling even closer to you. You suspire contentedly.

As you slowly slip into unconsciousness you ask one last question.

“Are you gonna be here when I wake up?” You slur.

You barely register a soft peck being laid upon your forehead.

“Wouldn’t dream of being anywhere else.”

a/n: this is the link for the general taglist for my writings<3 click here!

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wizardfrog69 · 10 months

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Hello~I hope you're doing fine! I would like to request daza as a brother figure i with a teenage gn!reader(or fem!reader both is fine) where he saw a little blood on their sleeve when reader is asleep and then finds out they have sh scars

Please feel free to ignore if you're not comfortable with this topic.

I'm still sick but I feel better than yesterday.

I do feel comfortable writing for this topic, and I think mental health awareness is a great and important thing, especially with younger people.

It's okay to not be okay, and it's okay to want and/or need help. We all need help sometimes. The challenging part is always asking for help.

Thank you for the request!

'•.¸♡it's just a small cut♡¸.•'

Bother figure Dazai x teenage reader (platonic)

Angst/comfort

Tw! Self harm, depression like symptoms

If this subject is triggering in any way, please do not read. Your mental well-being is more important.

Masterlist

Enjoy!

You walked out of the bathroom, your arm stung a bit, but you tried to pay it no mind. There was not a lot of blood. You whipped away what you could, so no blood should have gone through your clothes, but you were mistaken.

There was no reason to bother Dazai over something so small and irrelevant, so you never bothered him with anything. You were only overreacting, being dramatic, right? Maybe you felt horrible, like something was eating away at you from the inside, and no matter how many times you tried to claw it out, it would never leave, but it was not that serious. There is no reason for you to cry over this stupid shit. There is no reason to keep... there is no, there is nothing anymore.

Thinking exhausted you, everything did. Who knew existing could be so tiring. You lay down in bed, wishing for all your thoughts to finally go away, but they wouldn't. They kept on haunting you until you fell asleep.

It was late, later than usual, but Dazai finally came back. It was dark and quiet, so he assumed you had fallen asleep. He walked into your bedroom to see if you were asleep after knocking on your door. When he saw you asleep, he was glad to see you safe and sound, that thought did not last long as he saw a red spot on your sleeve. Seeing this sight nerved him, he did the only thing he thought of doing at the moment, making sure you are alright.

Dazai walked up to your sleeping form, pulled your sleeve away, and examined the scar on your forearm. He left the room as soon as he entered, thinking about you, if you were okay or not.

You woke up to the smell of Franch toast flooding every corner of your room. With a wave of tiredness, you stood and left for the kitchen. 'Good morning!' Dazai chirped. 'Morning.' You yawned back. 'So, what did you do?' 'Hm?' 'You never make breakfast, and you always whine about even being near the stove.' 'Oh come on, I've made food before!' 'Ya, once, when we first met. And you're burning the bread.' 'Oh!' Dazai quickly looked back to the pan and managed to scrape the burning piece of bread from the pan and lay another piece in its place.

A plate filled with burnt and semi burnt French toast was placed onto the table. Dazai handed some things to add to the toast to make it more edible. You resorted to honey. He sat in front of you, a look of worry coming over him. 'What's wrong?' You asked, confused. 'I know you are hurting yourself. Could you please tell me what is wrong?' His usual enthusiastic and joking tone turned into a serious one. That was why he made the toast. 'I don't want to talk about it, not yet anyway.' 'Okay, you don't have to, but if you need to talk about anything, I'm here. I'm here to help you with whatever you need.' 'Yeah...' You sighed to yourself, you were not ready to talk to him but you wanted to try.

༺♡༻ 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 ⋆ 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 ༺♡༻

I hope you are okay and that everything will turn out fine.

Sorry, I've been somewhat busy and distracted, so it [the thing I've wrote] might sound odd or different.

Have a wonderful day/night and remember that there are people out there who care about you, maybe they have not said so, or it doesn't feel that way but I can promise you there is atleast one person (or animal) out there who cares about you. :)

-love, Az

#bsd #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs #dazai fluff #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai x reader #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #dazai x you #dazai

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sunrisemill · 1 month

Text

✮From the start✮ Pt.4

Chris and y/n have always been inseparable, they’ve always relied on each other but what happens when one of them falls?

(Warnings: mentions of mental health such as Anxiety and possibly depression. Please take care of yourself, I love you 🤍)

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Finale

Y/ns’ POV

(Present)

I feel a wave of anxiety crash down on me as he stares at me from across the dining table. How in the hell am I supposed to do this? I feel the tension rise within seconds as I remain silent, I just wish I could see what he's thinking. The look he has on his face is unreadable and stern. God, I've fucked everything up. I continue to tell myself that until I hear him clear his throat. “Well…are you going to say something?” Right, with my emotions at an all-time high, I completely forgot how much time had passed. “I'm so sorry, Chris,” I whisper before taking in a deep shaky breath. “It was wrong to treat you like that and it's okay if you don't forgive me, I understand. But I couldn't go on until I gave you an apology.” I watch him carefully as he processes my words. Please forgive me, please Chris. He nods his head before leaning back in his chair. “I'm sorry too. But could you just tell me what's wrong? You continue to shut me out and that's not healthy Y/n, you can't just bottle everything up and expect it to be okay.” He sits up straight and leans forward again, propping his elbows on the table as he reaches his hand out to gently hold my hand in his. His touch sends shockwaves throughout my body. “Just talk to me. I'm here.” My chest tightens as I stare down at our hands which are interlocked. I can feel his eyes bore into my head as the air grows thicker. I can’t tell him, he's gonna think I'm being dramatic or I'm just being silly. Oh my god, he's gonna think that something is wrong with me, or that I'm too much for him to handle and he's just going to leave me. “Y/n?” The concern in Chris’ voice when he notices how my breathing has picked up causes me to spiral into a deeper panic. I lift my head to look at him but my vision is blurred by tears. Chris’ face drops when he sees me in such a distressed state. “Y/n, please talk to me.” The slight squeeze he gives my hand pushes me over the edge. I can't do this. I need to leave. Right. Now. I tell myself as I quickly drop his hand and shoot up out of my chair, the speed of my action causes the chair to fall back, but I don't care. The only thing I care about is getting out of that damn house. The sound of Chris calling after me is cancelled out as the sound of my heartbeat in my ears drowns it out.

~~~~

Chris’ POV

I feel as though everything just blew up within a few minutes. I shouldn't have done that, I pushed her too far now. I can't believe I had her back and now im watching her run out of my house because of my idiotic actions. “Y/n!” I shout out to her but she doesn't stop…shit. I quickly stand up to chase after her but get stopped by a tug on my arm, my head snaps to look at whatever has tugged on my arm and im met with my mother. “You have to let her go, Chris. She's not worth it.” Nothing but rage fills my senses as I hear those words leave her mouth. She's not worth it…How dare she say that about Y/n, she doesn't know her like I do. “you have no idea what you’re talking about.” She looks up at me with sympathy. “I've seen enough to know that she's no good. If you go after her now she’s gonna trip up again and drag you down with her, I used to know people like her, and They did nothing but destroy everything in their paths. Do not go.” I stand there in pure disbelief. “So what? Im just supposed to stand here like a fucking imbecile when she's obviously distressed?!” I spit out as I yank my arm away from her, looking down at her with disgust. “Im not doing that again. Im going after her, whether you like it or not.” I give her one last gare before turning around and walking out of the house in search of Y/n.

~~~~

Y/ns’ POV

The sound of crickets chirping in the long grass and wind rustling withered leaves has an eerie but soothing sound. I can't believe I ran out of there but I know that's what I needed to do. I stare at the reflection of the moon across the lake as I think back to when life was simple before reality struck me like a bolt of lightning. I think back to when I was just a little kid sitting on the same ground that I am now, I remember a small Chris running to me to show me a small daisy that he thought I'd like. He has always been like that, the kindest soul I have ever known. But I just had to ruin it, ruin us. Sometimes, I think he would be better off without me, im only just dragging him down. He insists that he wouldn't know where he would be without me but I know… He'd be happier and not have to deal with all the stress and sadness I've caused. It's like I destroy everything I've ever touched, why can't I just be normal? I let out a silent sob as my fingers tangled through the grass below me, If Chris was here he'd tell me that it would be okay, that I'd be okay. But how could he be so sure of that? He’d be horrified if he took even a peek into my brain. I still remember how he looked at me on that night. “I’ve never met a girl like you before, I feel like all my problems go away when I'm with you. I'm so glad I get to call you my best friend.” I shake my head at the memory. How could I be so stupid? He’d never like me, he's gonna end up with a happy bubbly girl and realize how horrible I am. I bring a shaky hand up to wipe away the tears on my cheeks when I hear a voice. “I thought I'd find you here.” I keep my head down as I feel Chris sit beside me.

“Hey…” He whispers as he wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me close to him “It’s gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay.” I let out a small chuckle. “I knew you’d say that.” I sniffle, leaning into his touch, it takes me a moment but I finally look up at him. He lets out a sad sigh and brings his hand up to my face, wiping away the tears that continue to roll down my cheeks. “Am I that predictable, huh?” He asks teasingly with a slight tilt to his head. I smile softly as I take my chance to fully take in everything about this moment. The way his hair brushes against my face as he looks down at me. The moonlight casting a pale light around us. I bask in the comfortable silence between us, wishing it could last forever. “I'm so sorry Y/n… I shouldn't have pushed you-” “It's okay, Chris.” I quickly cut him off. “It's just… I'm not good at talking about my feelings. Ever since I was younger I was told I was sensitive and I was overreacting. Everyone made me feel like I was crazy when I would open up, they’d say it was all in my head but would never comfort me or even try to help me. So I thought that if I could hide my feelings we’d be fine, but it didn't work.” My heart drops down to my stomach as I open up for the first time. “I'm just so tired of it all…” I sigh as my head hangs low. “I feel like everyone is moving on with their lives and I'm stuck frozen in time. Look at me right now… one thing goes wrong in my life and I come running back to the lake.” I shake my head as I look back out towards the water. Why does this have to be so difficult? “I try so hard at everything but nobody seems to notice or care, But when somebody actually notices I chase them away 'cause I get scared that I'd be a burden to them, I feel like such a coward.” I whisper the last part as I wait until the moment when Chris finally speaks up. It takes him a minute but he tightens his arms around me as he whispers. “I'm sorry… I know how hard that was for you and I just want you to know that I'm so proud of you. I take back every word I said to you, You are not a coward Y/n, you’re the strongest person I know.” He ends that sentence by placing a kiss on the side of my head. Oh my god, he just kissed me. I'm sure it was just a friendly kiss. “You think so?” I whisper back, hope glimmering in my eyes. “I know so. You’ve gone through so much, Y/n. I’ve never been more proud of somebody else before. Just know…you could never be a burden to me, Y/n. I love you so much and I care for you so deeply, you can come to me always. I could be anywhere, I could be at a concert and I'd still drop everything to come see you” He looks down at me with his infamous boyish grin. I smile back at him as I finally feel my tears dry up. “You love me?” I whisper in disbelief, how is this possible? He loves me back. He nods his head as he replies with a voice so soft that it puts clouds to shame

“More than anything.”

(A/n: Omg I worked my ass off on this one. I hope that you enjoyed it 🤭 the next part is gonna be the last one (don’t take my word on it cause I’m indecisive) anyways, thank you for reading, I LOVE U 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💋😽)

Tags: @guccifrog @junnniiieee07

#chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic

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