#I dont like feeling like im begging I guess

[justallihere]

i'm going insane bc i was away for the weekend and left my phone alone (god bless) and came back to a whole chapter PLUS love declaration PLUS forehead kiss ?? omg.....

Mira is not letting Xaden rest like ever, I do wonder what Violet told her while Xaden was prepping her bath tho.

“Not if it bothers you, they can’t,” said Xaden. “I’ll make sure they keep it away from you.” 

oh he wants violet to be comfortable so baaaad he's the embodiment of "is the sun bothering you queen" and im so here for it.

i'm totally fine and sane over xaden washing violet's hair im not kicking my feet or anything and im definetely not crying over how soft they are and how much trust must violet have on him bc she's letting him touch her hair after it being threatned to be cut.

forehead touches are my faaaav so u can imagine how well fed i am after this chapter and for that i say thank you alli *dramatically bows*

Xaden not wanting her to feel like she wasnt love so he just declares himself to her had me weak, like it could've been this grand gesture but nothing between them has ever been planned or expected so he just winged it and it was perfectly what she needed. talk about soulmates !!

when u told us the declaration was gonna hurt i didnt have this imagined in my mind but im so glad it happened this way and not the way i thought it was gonna happen. it was so bittersweet !!

ALSO she def knows she loves him shes just not ready to admit it bc in no way in hell would she ask him to say after he declared himself if she didnt know she also felt something

also the way they first slept i know xaden neck was complaining

also violet reminded me of a cat who always try to get closer in their sleep. she just wants to cuddle !! and shes so real for that

Rhiannon is truly a bestie!! not her terrorrizing the love interest we love a ride or die bestie, even if sometimes she's unresonable

“You whisked her away before anyone could check on her.” 

bestie there was not one single part of her that wasnt broken what was the man supposed to do *cries* but i do understand her stress

SLOANE MAIRI !!! not her calling the king of tyrrendor her brother i love that for her !! she's a princess so true. also i looove xaden and liam's talk it wasnt too cheesy bc tbh they dont operate like that but it was so genuine !!

can the guards chill !!

Garrick is just like me!! i too love gossip and will put my hands on it as soon as i can. but garrick its been like 12 hours wait a little longer or violet herself will call u out again. but also not garrick begging xaden no rule to country and he's just like "no <3" love that for him his wife just got back running a country is very far from his mind.

“Is that what you told her to do?” Rhiannon raised an eyebrow. “Get over it?” “No, but you’re not her, are you?”

He's so ??!!

the development of violet a few chapters ago being like "he didnt hold me while we slept bc there had been no excuses for it in Aretia" to now being like "im gonna curl into your arms so hard you'll never escape" and honestly good for them !!

anywayyyy i LOVED this chapter

lol a lot happened this weekend, welcome back!!!

Xaden’s literal one and only concern is Violet and her comfort, fuck everything else. I’m totally not fine and sane about the hair washing so I guess we balance each other out 🫶🏻

They are very much soulmates!! Xaden didn’t plan to fall in love with her, of course he didn’t plan some grand declaration of it either, we’re just going with what feels right. Violet is a grumpy little kitten yes you’re right

Rhiannon is stressed as hell, like give her best friend back RIORSON where is she

Garrick needs both gossip and for Xaden to do his job and he’s getting neither of those things! Too bad so sad!

Thank you!!!! 🩷

#storm in the quiet

[cycle-hit]

hey guys i think theres a reason muu's opposite pair is kazui "repressed homosexuality" mukuhara.

her cover songs don't really help her beat any "was RLY gay for rei" allegations either. but whats funnier to me is her stupid chrysalis symbolism. ive seen a lot of people refer to the process of realising your sexual or gender identity as a "metamorphosis". muu i know what you are.

i also think this is interesting. though not as strong of evidence

the mindset of "if i can just become someone youre fond of, i can be forgiven" is pretty common in people who have been vilified for being lgbt and become desperate to conform for "forgiveness". but i think this is less conclusive bc thts also just a general thought that everyone experiences. "if you just conform to what someone wants, then surely theyll like you" or whatever. plus her "what i did wasnt wrong" behaviour but thats also a general thing. and probably more related to her murdering someone

#i dont think muu's homosexuality is what made rei flip the hourglass on her but i feel like her bullies definitely found out somehow. and- #-that made the bullying worse on her. muu im so sorry girl youre going to escape high school alive i promise. or not. unclear #anyways. pls make muu canonically gay milgram im begging u. THERES EVIDENCE FOR IT... #milgram #muu kusunoki #milgram analysis #<- SORT OF. I GUESS.

[ganondoodle]

is it too much of a reach to say that zelda being reduced to basically an object to farm items from in totk just kinda adds more salt to the wound of how badly shes treated?

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #totk #i know im nitpicking #but i have talked about the big problems alot already #and now i start to see the smaller thingy that dont feel good #i guess you could see it as well if she wasnt farmable for items it would be weird compared to the other dragons #or that you are supposed to realize that you have been farming items from your best friend the whole time is to mean something #or maybe its just a game mechanic #i knew super early that the dragon was zelda #and when i saw i need items from her to upgrade my armor i was like .... im not gonna shoot out heR TEETH WTF #good thing she remembers nothing i guess #so she doesnt have to cope with the fact that link kept shooting off her scales - claws - teeth and horns #god i just want to see her have agency for once #and no i dont count begging unnamed faceless champion mcguffin guys to do a swear or dragonfying herself when she had no other option #thats not a character moving the plot but the plot shoving around a character imo #i want to see her go around HER hyrule and talk to people- solve mysteries- get more competent at defending herself- actively doing anythin #gnawing on wood as we speak

[pickled-flowers]

I wish books had stickers telling us whether or not they pass the Bechtel test

#for those who dont know i work in a book store and well #this guys books have been in the top palmarès for a while now and ive read him for years #now im reading one of his most recent book and surprise! #i was quite young when i started reading him i guess i didn’t notice #but really this guy has something with age gaps??? #and women in general #im not finished reading this book but i swear #if youre curious its Joel Dicker and im reading l’affaire alaska sanders #i dont read as much as i would like but it really feels wasted on this one #anyways im begging for book reds

[toytulini]

Okay i have yet to see a post about this that isnt filled with ppl being Annoying as Fuck on it, but,

theyve found wreckage of the submersible, it imploded (thank god, thats better than a drawn out suffocation over the course of several days, implosion means it was pretty much instantaneous) and the us navy have revealed they heard a weird sound on sunday from about where communication with the sub was lost, that was probably the sound of the implosion, [implied that they didnt say anything cos they didnt want to jump to conclusions without evidence of a wreckage, if there was a chance they were still alive.] no idea what the banging sounds were.

I do hope rescue efforts are extended to the migrants off the coast of greece, and am angry and horrified at their mistreatment, and that the media clearly cares less for their fates than that of the billionaires on the sub.

also, while i have you here,

The difference between a submersible and a submarine is not that one is safer. The titan was a submersible that was unsafe, but that is not because it was a submersible.

A submarine (or sub) is a watercraft capable of independent operation underwater.

A submersible is a watercraft designed to operate underwater, usually supported by a nearby surface vessel, platform, shore team or sometimes a larger submarine.

submarines generally dont go as deep as our deepest submersibles, but some can be down there for months at a time bc it is like. a self sufficient Ship. not all submersibles can go crazy deep, but to my knowledge, the only crewed vessels that can go that deep, are submersibles. (Alvin, deepsea challenger, limiting factor, trieste, fendouzhe or "striver").

#toy txt post #titan submersible #if ppl start being annoying on this post. ill turn off reblogs and block all of you. make your own post. #reblog the other ones where people are already being annoying #yes i hate billionaires. but im glad it was a quick death. it was a horrific situation. hope those migrants are given support and help. #i hope oceangate is fined to hell and back and bankrupted and never gets to put anyone in any sort of vehicle ever again #especially not in the ocean. im a little glad that ceo is dead in his own stupid sub im just frustrated he was able to take other ppl with #him. the fact that he was able to operate that unregulated non safety standard meeting ass vehicle and charge people money to ride in it is #fucking insane and unconcioable however you spell that #and now i need to go shower real quick and try to get like. a little over 3hrs of sleep. which will suck but i did accidentally nap for #like? 2 hrs already so it doesnt suck as bad as it could. goodnight please dont be stupid on this post please please please #if you have a hot take on the situation im begging you to hot take it Some Where Else! thank you! good bye #im not gonna bother linking shit feel free to fact check just fuckin. google titan submersible. James Cameron is tossing his 2 cents in now #saw 2 separate articles on that already. thats fine i guess he has been down there in safer vehicles so i guess he can shit talk how unsafe #it is. anyway. saw someone in the comments of a post say it was a submersible bc it was too unsafe to be a submarine and i wanted to start #screaming. thats not what those fucking words mean! at all! god! #irl death #idk what else to tag #behave. bye

[4arconinoma]

Im excited because tomorrow Im going to go to a botanical garden aaand i might might Might see TARANTULAS there... for the first proper time in my Life!!

#I only ever saw one when i was like 4 dead in my garage... and im not sure if it even was one #so since they're my favorite spider family i want to see them really really badly #although i was only told they are there... there is a possibility that they aren't there anymore #so i'm trying to brace myself for the possible disappointment #Not to mention that a part of me is worried about whether they have the right enclosures or not #i dont know if a botanical garden would pull things like that But given the amount of improper terrariums spiders are put in in pet stores. #im scared that i'll go and see them in the shittiest enclosure... that'll just make me feel super terrible x( #Im just hoping for good things then i guess... Ill probably have fun just seeing the plants either way though #but I just really want to see them ive been geeting super sad about never having seen one... my autism begs for it #Ive been waiting weeeks for this #txt #spiders

[pears-trinkets]

Love how mad Mischa was that i dragged her to the vet once again that she kept rubbing her nose against the carrier backpack I carried her in and now she has a bright red booboo on the top her nose

#i have to carry her 1.6 km / 1 mile to the vet and then back and i guess she just felt like shredding her nose against the rubber grit #shhhh dont tell her that we're going back on friday to check on the inflammation #but shes feeling much better again! ��🥹 i took this photo on the bench on the balcony where she begged for treats #and the soft treats are available again and i bought like 8 bags so we're good for at least a month or two #we just played and now shes begging for dinner and im so glad shes annoying again😭😭😭 #i cried so much the past weekend she wouldnt come out of my closet and would scream in a very weird voice when i tried to touch her #the vet was so nice to her she was like :3 mischa we're gonna be friends i tell you you secretly like me do you :3 #they we're so gentle and kind with her 😭 #they made her a little cave out of towels so shed feel better #and her liver is doing better too 😭 i was so afraid we fucked it up completely with the surgery and then the pain meds and the treats #hate to say it but this expensive vet is really worth it even if the surgery and appointments are like 2.6k euro #and back in 2018 sissys 3 day kidney dialysis stay was like... half of that

[vercna]

have to be up in the Capital next week after months of hermitting by the seaside, it wasn't planned and I had every intention of celebrating a quiet halloween by myself which wouldn't have been HALF as lonely as texting the few friends i have in paris too make plans for unrelated drinks and all of them saying they can't on the 31st because of plans, yet not extending a "what are your plans?" or even a half assed invitation

#listen i know im the thread that keeps these people together i know they dont make efforts unless i make the first move #it's always been like this and it will remain that way until i inevitably grow sick of it and stop trying #but when you reach the point where organizing hangouts feels even lonelier than rotting away by yourself #you might start to wonder if it's even all worth it #diary entries #i am so so so lonesome #it's not even about halloween like i guess some of those plans are just couply stuff so i get it you're not gonna invite me for that lol #it would just feel so incredibly nice to be acknowledged and asked about instead of just penciled into a calendar after i beg them to hang #anyway everyday i fade more & more into a ghost my colours are graying until all that's left of me is residual mist

[snazzi-strawberri]

my friends be like oh berri why dont you show us more of ur art we love seeing ur art :( BUT WHEN I DOOOO RARELY ANYONE REACTS OR RESPONDS TO ITTT DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEEEELSSS DO YOUUUUUUU

#LIKE LIKE. I FEEL LIKE A FOOL WHENEVER I DO SHOW THEM MY ART. AND THEN NADA. NO RESPONSES TO IT. IM LUCKY IF THERES AN EMOJI REACT #BUT THEY SAY THEY DO CARE N LOVE SEEING MY ART. BUT WHEN HAVE YOU SHOWED IT???? #I dunno. just being a bit salty i guess #like i know the amount of interactivity you have with ur art doesnt define the value of your art and its very much true for social media #but its a bit different when its with my friends because it feels a bit more personal and i end up feeling like i emberrassed myself #idk. IDK. HHHHHHHHHH #BUT I ALSO DONT WANT TO BEG THEM TO ATLEAST SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ABT MY ART THAT I SHOW. GRRRRAAAAAAAAAGHHHGHG #I wish i had people to share my art and writing more but i dont have that kind of community anymore #like i do have my art blog but i dont post everything. i dont post my songs my singing my writing my baking #and i guess. i just miss having people to share that kind of things to. just the lil arts that are imperfect yet personal. Just anything. #i love sharing things. especially the things i make. and i enjoy seeing others as well #i miss having had that community of people but. its its all. kind of gone. kind of fizzled out. it will never be the same. #and i terribly miss it #man.🐴

[skitskatdacat63]

Why do I say things like this. Like what was the need. Why do I feel the need to jinx myself. What was the reason.

#lol just looking thru my drawings and i saw that tag #and im like YOU! ITS YOUR FAULT IM BURNT OUT! I BLAME YOU(catie from that specific day) #anyways trying to draw nando and ITS NOT GOING WELL YKNOW #i still really struggle with drawing real people #seb is okay bcs ive drawn him the most and like have stared at his face for hours so...familiar...yeah... #and i do in fact look at a fuckton of nando pics BUT GOD HIS FACE IS SO DIFFICULT #he just has very like odd features i guess. AND HES VERY HANDSOME FOR IT but god they do not lend to easy drawing #i miss oc drawing where theres no accuracy really required since its all from my head #not that im never drawing ocs again. theyre still my beloved but i dont rly have any ideas atm for them :< #wanna draw rüß as an f1 driver tbh bcs ive been maladaptive daydreaming about that for the past few weeks #but as you know im somewhat allergic to drawing racesuits 😭 #also im wondering if drawing chibis so much fucked up my sense of style bcs now i struggle sometimes w proportions #i just. dont want to be burnt out anymore. i know its something you cant really force yourself thru #and also that you shouldn't force yourself cause it just makes it worse but #idk. i wanna draw so badly 😭 and i do it and sometimes it works out and sometimes im just staring at the screen like. oh. #i want to also finish the pt 2 to the boy king ficlet. i always randomly add a few paragraphs to it #blah blah anyways just thinking. i feel a bit frustrated and unfufilled atm i guess #like that feeling in your chest of tightness. its the worst. i wanna throw something or break something i guess #PLEASE JUST LET ME DRAW MY PORTRAIT OF KING NANDO IM BEGGING #he'll be so pretty okay 😭😭 i just cant get his fucking face right #ignore me ignore me. catie is: going through it #i miss the sense of urgency that drawing before my flight gave me #i like having that sense of incentive and deadline. like: you genuinely need to finish this right now. #if not then its me creating meaningless deadlines in my head that actually make me have worse burn out 🙃 #i love how before texas im like i am going to finsih all my wips!! anf then finished exactly: zero #catie.rambling.txt

[6-2-aestheticsofhate]

What's the fucking point

#god i feel like killing myself #just existing is a fucking struggle #whats the point of it #moving into an apartment was supposed to help and it did i fucking guess but i am so drained from trying to survive these past few months #fuck i could hardly bring myself to get out of bed today #i could hardly bring myself to eat #small things keep fucking building up and fuck. fuck. im so fucking tired #im gonna be honest i dont know how much fight i have left in me #i tried so fucking long #i begged and pleaded online for help with just. fucking anything. i was fucking homeless and people rbed my post but i hardly got anything #i feel like my art sucks and its not even good enough for people to pity commission me when i was fucking homeless #i know people did commission me. or donate. and i really appreciate it #but the sheer fact i was open about being homeless and had a whopping... two people either comm or donate me #and id make posts talking about how/why the shelter i was staying at was bad for me #and barely anyone helped #ive spent the past few months being insulted by other people at shelters. #having my fucking abusers show up at one of them #and constantly had people downplay my sadness and mental health issues or physical health issues #even though im not homeless anymore its like theres deep scarring from the fucking. whole goddamn experience #im in so much pain #i keep crying #i cant focus #i can hardly function #ive only eaten one meal today and its 7pm now #i dont think im gonna make it. #personal #vent

[wickershells]

txt

#i just dont really know what to do. my friends never express concern for me and they never tell me they love me without overt irony or some #watering down of the sentence. they never reach out when i need them and everything they say is so detached and distant and cold #and maybe im just in my head again maybe its getting to the time of year when my life routinely falls apart moreso than all the other month #but i feel so abandoned all the time. and stupid. and unloveable. my friend once told me that her love for me would erode #whenever i vanished for mental health reasons so i stopped vanishing and started instead pushing through the illness and opening up more to #her but it was too much for her to handle and all my baggage almost ended our friendship so here i am vanishing again except this time with #the debilitating knowledge that every day she loves me less and less and less. if i am not there she stops loving me and if i am she stops #loving me. what do i do. my illness takes everything from me every damn thing. she wont call me but she bought a ticket to see me in januar #and i cant reconcile it. shes visiting her girlfriend and its the same price to come over here too so i guess why not. its not really #for me. we dont have plans to do anything for my birthday and i doubt she will offer and i dont want to be the one to do so like last year #i want someone to love me without me asking them to. i want to be able to trust people without having it broken. i want to feel like an #equal and not so inferior all the time. i'm not her best friend anymore. she doesnt tell me personal things she doesnt share everything #she used to with me. i try and try to start doing the things we used to but she doesnt do them. i shared my location again but she didnt #share hers. so i stopped again and she didnt even ask me why. she has not asked if im okay in weeks. if i vanished forever i dont think #she would even notice. i cant see her mourning the loss of me. i dont think i matter that much to her. and it is so painful #with both of my best friends i watch them gladly do things with other people and never do things with me unless i beg. i am constantly #excluded from their lives i am the outsider friend. and it is so damn lonely. and every time i'm presented w the opportunity to make new #friends i'm paralysed w fear because how many times have i lost people. i'm either too little or too much or both at once. constantly absen #or constantly sad and it's poisonous i feel poisonous. i'm not fit for community despite how desperate i am for it i just feel perpetually #undeserving. and so stupid and unsuccessful in comparison to them. i'm too much effort to be around and i get why i really do #even this it's just so much heaviness all the time i am such a burden. they just don't love me as much anymore. love lost #added to my family baggage and my dead childhood dog and the nothingness of my future i just can't see myself continuing i don't know what #to do. my parents don't support me my friends are never there the nhs is a joke i am actually genuinely alone lol #what if i can't recover. some people are destined not to. what if that's me. what if i am never happy. i'm never going to accomplish #anything i'm stuck here. stagnant and unmoving. the most disposable and useless person alive #sorry. will delete later as usual. but for reasons stated above i have nowhere else to put these thoughts #and i am drowning in them #vent

[ganondoodle]

been feeling under the weather for a long time now, for some reason i keep having ideas and stuff i rly wanna make a sketch of when im at work but when im free im just getting tired and demotivated to hell ...

i know the whole totk rewritten thing isnt the most interesting but its the thing i need the most concepts for still so .... if anyone wants to see something in particular as a concept sketch, pls do tell me qwq

#ganondoodles talks #i have been feeling tired at like 9 pm already despite sleeping more than usual it sucks i cant get anything done after work anymore #i dont wanna sound like im begging or being a complaning lil b again but im just #tired of being tired #you can also ask for soemthign different i guess but idk if i have the energy #and as always i cant promise anything #tho i do read every suggestion AND make up a concept in my head #but putting it on paper is much more difficult to comit to #;__;

[martyrbat]

👍👍

#im bout to be whiny before getting nauseated at being kimda vulnerable and end up deleting this but just #shoutout to my friend (who was the only person i ever shared my writing with for over a year) #just telling me they've always just skimmed my fics AND infodumps because they dont care. like has read at most a handful of me talking & #usually skips any rare audio message that i sent when SUPER excited and made up drama to have an excuse to change topics #again. for over a year. #then getting guilt trippy when i was hurt by it until i apologize instead which !! lmao fuck ok ! #its just... very hmpth :/ bc it eas already a shitty night and week of nonstop migraine. and then this #and taking into account im someone who NEVER blocks any of my friends tags or doesnt read and invest myself in their interests #even if i dont like it; i love seeing people (even strangers) excited and talking about what they like so of course im going to #at least watch them talk on it and/or actually research into it because i want to be able to understand their happiness! #and because its whats important to them !! i dont expect the same and im not shaming anyone for not doing the same its fine I guess #but to tell me? and to say they dont read my writing or give a single shit about me talking about something #when i always put 100% into their interests? am i that shitty of a writer and that obnoxious to listen to lmao #like i feel shitty for even being hurt over it and even venting because you guys arent here for that and its mean to force it on ur dash #and i dont want to be too whiny but also. jfc man #ill stay silly starting tomorrow and post about batmans balls or whatever. sorry for the vent just. bleh. #that ‘december please bro please im begging just a break please man’ post but its me throughout this February too apparently

[nillial]

just finished ethersea finale pt 1

#hush lillian #taz spoilers #taz ethersea spoilers #AAAAGAHHGHHHHHH #OIUYGHHGHGHGHHHHHHHHH #OUUUUUUUUUGAGAGAGAHHHH #OKAY SPOILERS NOW DONT READ THESE. #<----- is listening like one full year after the finale came out #DEVO WAS THE VOICE . D #DEVO WAS THE CALL #THAT IS SUUUCCHHHH A GOOD FUCKING TWIST OHHH MY GOD !!!! OH MY GOD . HE WAS THE FUCKING CALL #I DONT HAVE TIME TO LISTEN TO THE FINALE PT 2 RN BUT IM WRITHING ON THE GROUND . PLEAAAAAASEEEEEEE LET AMBER COME BACK #AND ZOOX IS . I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO FEEL ABOUT ZOOX I HOPE HES OKAY ? I GUESS HES OKAY ? #but OHHHH MY GODDDD AMBER . AMBER . AMBER . I AM WRITHING ON THE FLOOR . AMBER . #I AM BEGGING ON MY KNEES LET HER COME BACK . IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HER IM GOING THROUGH A VICTORIAN WIDOW MOURNING PERIOD #PLEASE . PLEASE . PLEASE . #wheres that one picture of the evangelion kid in despair on the floor Thats what i feel like right now #and i just have to have this knowledge in my head til i can finish the finale tomorrow . #i have to think about Regular Things . like a Normal Person Would . and not the Wellbeing of a Dungeons and Dragons Podcast Character #okay im done now 👍 until i listen to part 2 at which point ill be evil again

[br1ghtestlight]

btw i think its extremely funny that there's a bobs burgers episode about somebody grieving for their dead loved one and holding onto reminders of them, how they died too young and talking about how they never got to meet gene louise or tina and how they wouldve loved them so much etc etc and somehow its NOT about bob's mom, who is like the only character where that plot would make sense

#it was about linda's grandpa btw #I DONT HATE THE EPISODE ITS JUST SO FUNNY TO ME they hate talking abt bob's mom so goddamn much #im begging for crumbs and theyre like lets do episodes that are deconstructions of grief about linda's grandpa and a dog #that used to live in her neighborhood <3 god bless America #i feel like its a mix of linda being more emotional and expressive with her grief vs bob who went through something that was presumably #a lot more traumatic for him and his childhood #he isnt very emotional and he probably avoids thinking about her due to a mix of his dad kinda putting this idea in his head #that talking about her or telling stories is bad and it makes ppl upset #and also just feeling guilty for not visting her grave more often or really including her in anything #he feels like he failed as a son so he kinda represses all of that #bobs burgers analysis time i guess!!!! whatevr #its just funny 2 me i love that episode #<- WANTED TO ADD on a meta level its bcuz the writers didnt know what to do with her or how to talk about her #bcuz she would be a bigger part of the show #vs other random characters who are dead and dont really matter. so its easier #bob's burgers #txt