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moeruhoshi · 3 years

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I've been watching anime all day so here's a late nalu day gift

Lucy slammed her bedroom door and flopped down on her bed with a weary sigh, weeping into her pillow as her day finally came to an end.

The open door of her patio allowed her to hear the neighing of carriage horses taking away her most recent suitor, a man who barely knew what the meaning of personal space was.

Just how many princes and dukes had to waltz through their gates before the princess’ father realized that they had no interest in adequately courting her? It was painfully obvious how the lot of them were only interested in her well-displayed décolletage over her personality and spent more time schmoozing up to the king instead of trying to win her favor.

What hurt, even more, was knowing that she could never be with the one who was truly meant for her.

She stared at the red string tied to her pinky, the fiber ending far off in the distance where it connected to her destined partner. It calmed her in some ways, allowed her to feel a sense of clarity, knowing there was at least one more person out there who could give her the true love she craved.

She hoped every day, when Spetto called her down to meet another suitor, that it would be him, the one on the other end of her string, waiting to hold her as she wanted to hold him.

They could instead be a peasant, she thought as her hopes for him to visit one day were beginning to fade. Not that she cared about that kind of thing, but it meant that they didn't have the means to enter the castle easily. Or maybe they were somewhere in a neighboring country, too far away to find her. Maybe he hadn't been gifted the power to see the string and didn't know she was waiting for him but felt just as empty without her by his side.

She was sure if she voiced her knowledge of the red string to anyone else, they would call doctors from all over Earthland to analyze her cognitive function.

But she desperately wanted to tell everyone that she had no intention of selecting a suitor through their gaudy traditions. She would instead venture out into the world to find her soulmate, the person at the end of her red string of fate. But knowing her father, he would only let her marry with the promise of the expanded wealth she would gain him from a political marriage.

"Miss? Are you still awake?" Spetto knocked lightly, the princess holding in her sniffles to hear what the maid had to say. "I'm sure you are…but I won't bother you. Your father wants you to know that he'll be inviting the Duke Cream from Veronica for another visit tomorrow. He's eager to correct his…insolent behavior from the last time he saw you."

The princess didn't bother answering and instead let out a frustrated sigh as the sound of her maid's footsteps echoed down the hall. The setting sun illuminated the crimson strand and her fingers loosely wrapped around it, her weak pout quivering as she tugged on the phantom satin.

"I'd rather have you, whoever you are..."

~000~

"The princess!" Spetto screamed as she ran into the King's throne room. Jude was sat upon his seat with the Duke at his side, their conversation halting at her interruption. "She's gone!"

"What in the world do you mean, woman? I'm sure that no good daughter of mine has just buried her nose in one of those god awful fairy tales again. Have the guards search the library for her," He gruffed, rolling his eyes as her demeanor became more hysterical and shaken.

"I have, your highness! The princess has run away, she's truly nowhere to be found!"

"And just when I was about to be introduced to my bride," The Duke frowned and tossed his bleached hair aside. "Send hounds after her, why don't you? I will not let this girl make a fool of me on this glorious day."

"Go on, then," The King glared at his guards standing nearby who quickly rushed out the door. "I should have known that girl would be trouble. Her mother had always filled her head with nothing but pure nonsense."

Lucy lifted her billowy skirt as she ran through the woods, deep within its darkness, trying her best to ignore the now wailing trumpets of distress audible in the distance. She knew it wouldn't have been long until someone noticed her absence, especially after having heard the reality behind Duke Cream’s visit.

It was by chance, an incident that occurred while she was passing her father's office the night before. Lucy heard the plans he made to arrange her marriage to the Duke, ensuring that their kingdom would absorb the principality. This meant her father would have an entire stronghold on the country of Fiore.

A life with that obnoxious and narcissistic Duke was not one she wanted, nor could even stand the thought of.

So, in a panic, she made plans to run away, leaving when the guards wouldn’t be around, going as far as she could go without any clear signs of which direction she'd taken off in. She persevered through her tiredness with the lone thought of her meeting her soulmate who was sure to greet her with a wide smile and open arms.

"This way! C'mon now, you'll never make it running without anywhere in mind!" A voice tinkled through the line of trees, halting the princess in her place as she breathed harshly and darted around scared eyes.

"Who's there! I-I'm not going back to the castle!" Lucy shouted as she turned about in circles, shrieking as a short blonde girl suddenly appearing from thin air

"Did I say I was trying to take you home? No! Now hurry it up! You'll never make it there if you make stops like this, follow me!" She instructed, turning toward the trees and beginning to run.

"Who are you?" Lucy asked between pants as she followed the shorter blonde, mesmerized by the trail of sparkles she left behind her, and the cute wings peeking out from beside her ears.

"A friend," She smiled as she continued maneuvering them through the woods. "And a guide! You’ll never get where you need to go without my help,"

"So you know where I'm going? You can see my string too?"

"Well, sure! I let you see it after all. Boy, was he worried when I told him you were stuck out here without your magic. Idiot almost killed himself trying to find his way through, but it can't be done by anyone but a spirit." She sighed and shook her head, rambling as they avoided a patch of bramble bushes

"My soulmate...? He was looking for me too? Really?" Lucy felt her heart swell, beating stronger even as she ran, a dazzling smile taking its claim of her lips.

"Yup! You have a very loyal man waiting for you," She giggled. "He can't wait to meet you, said he'd get his house ready and everything while I was out looking for you. I apologize for taking so long, moving around in this realm isn't easy, there’s barely any magic in this land!”

"Magic? Like in books? Isn't that practice all made up?" The princess quirked a brow as the strange girl only giggled again and slowed her movements as they found purchase under the wide berth of a willow tree.

"It's quite amazing someone like you was born here when your home is with us, in the right Fiore. Now, come on! Everyone's waiting!" She grinned, ignoring Lucy's confusion as she pulled them through the hanging branches, the two suddenly falling into the void of the trunk.

"E-Eh?! W-Wha…!" Lucy fell to her knees as she suddenly felt queasy, holding a hand to her head and waited for her headache to subside. She looked up to see where the other blonde had gone, not finding her anywhere and instead met a new and sunny skyline. "Wasn't it…night just a moment ago?"

She stood to her shaky feet, finding her body no longer weighed down by exhaustion, tears, or dirt on her dress. Whatever was in the air made her feel light as, well, air. She'd never felt so amazing before! Just where had she gone when they fell through that tree?

Taking some small steps through the field in front of her, she looked down to her finger, the red string extending into the distance behind her.

"Oh wow…" When Lucy turned around, she was met with the image of a town she had never seen before, curiosity pulling her towards the bustling streets.

It was as she always imagined the streets of the village she ruled above looked; stalls serving food and selling fresh produce, children running and laughing, patrons bartering and making light conversation, happiness in everyone's eyes. Their smiles created her own, and she followed the string eagerly, feeling just right in the Fiore she’d been led to.

She worried this would all turn into a dream soon enough, there couldn't possibly be another Fiore…or the existence of magic at that. Her steps quickened as she feared Spetto would be in at any moment to wake her, feet carrying her towards a patch of woods that broke off from the town.

It would’ve made nice for a peaceful walk if she didn’t think the calm scenery before her would disappear.

“Oi, Gray, watch it!” A sharp voice boomed from the nearby distance.

“Shut it! I know what I’m doing, it ain’t hard to paint a wall, flame brain!”

“Don’t start a fight! We had to rebuild that side of the house five times because you two keep knocking it down!”

Lucy slowed down her pace as the volume of their argument increased but kept her eyes on the string that told her he was just ahead.

Her eyes landed on a red-haired girl pointing a large sword at two boys who kneeled respectively in front of her, bowing their heads as she scolded them.

Breaking through the line of trees, Lucy smoothed down her stray hairs and dusted off her dress, holding herself nervously as she continued forward.

Each step closer made her legs feel like jelly, flushed her cheeks, and made her heart beat a million times faster, her fingers twitching as she held her hands together.

“U-Um...excuse me…?” Lucy’s voice was shaky as she approached the three, her eyes watery as she stared at the pink-haired boy who raised his head at the sound of her voice. The string fell into his lap; he was her soulmate.

The red-haired girl turned to face her first, eyes concerned as they fell on her disheveled appearance. “My goodness, are you okay? You’re not lost, are you?”

“N-No...I—“

"Oh, crap! It's you!"

"Don't say that to a girl, idiot! You have no idea who that is!" The raven-haired boy threw a glare at the pink-haired one who quickly stood up.

“Mavis didn’t tell me when you’d get here, I would’ve come to pick you up if I knew you were...oh, hey, don’t cry, okay? Um, here,” He quickly took the end of his scarf to wipe her tears, feeling a knot in his throat as she gently fell against his chest. "It's gonna be okay."

"I just...I just can't believe…" She shook her head, not minding the stain she created on his shirt. "That you're real...that you were waiting for me."

"'Course I was! Having a new family member is always exciting, and my hearts been leapin' like crazy waitin' for you! You were stuck out there all alone and I couldn't come find you. I'm sorry it took so long."

Erza forced herself and Gray to look away as the blonde hastily kissed their wild companion, his shock present in the stiffness of his back.

He was startled by the sudden action but felt himself melting into the touch, desperate as well to be close to his soulmate.

"I'm home," Lucy laughed with a bit of surprise, Natsu's eyes widening along with his grin.

"Yeah! Welcome back!"

#nalu #fairy tail #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #natsu and lucy #natsu x lucy #lucy and natsu #lucy x natsu #nalu day 2021 #nalu day

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glittermilkshakewasteland · 3 years

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Oh wow look it’s been a week since I started forcing! Honestly, it feels like time has gone by in a blur lately.

It’s not really the intimidating process I kept imagining it to me. Really, it’s the same thing I’ve been doing for years, except instead of just talking to the void, I’m directing my words somewhere. The difference is very slight, but at times I think I can feel what I’m saying going somewhere instead of just bouncing off the walls of my mind. Maybe I’m just being dramatic, who knows?

One or two days ago, I heard a “whisper” (that’s probably the best word for it. It was just a thought that sort of popped into my head, but it wasn’t *my* voice, if that makes sense. I couldn’t remember what it was saying afterwards, but I have the vaguest memory of what it sounded like. It kind of felt like when you have a song stuck in your head but you don’t actually know the words to the song so upon examining what you’re hearing you find out it just sounds like “hkdsdsdskdasdfadfaadfdads.”

I think that’s happened twice now.

Last night I tried meditating with a candle, and it actually worked??? Meditation has never really “worked” for me; I don’t have the attention span necessary to stop my thoughts from...thinking. But I decided to give it a shot anyway. I probably should’ve looked at the clock before I started, because I have no idea how long it was. Anyways, I just grabbed a candle I’ve had in my room for years now (fresh-cut lilac scent!) and held it, unlit, under my nose like a complete and utter weirdo.

In my defense, I couldn’t burn it because a) I am terrified of fire and b) I have never actually lit a candle in my life and I sure as heck wasn’t going to start then.

I had to kind of curl up in a ball to be able to hold the candle without my noodle-thin arms getting tired, but I’ve never been a fan of the whole perfect-posture-while-meditating thing. Hurts my back.

I just sat there for a while in a little happy ball with my candle, eyes closed. It was quite nice, actually. I just kinda breathed and then after God-knows-how-many minutes, I realized that I’d just been sitting there forever, completely zoned out???

I didn’t try and do any tulpa-y stuff; I want to try and get the hang of this first. But first attempt was promising!

As for actually talking to her, there have been some struggles.

I forget. Constantly.

I’ve watched the first few episodes of Torchwood, because I’ve been meaning to get to it for an eternity now and it seemed like a pretty simple premise to help me practice narrating. But somehow, even when I’m watching a show that I am watching *primarily for the forcing* I still forget to force. In my defense, they are all terribly hot. (That was a joke, I apologize.)

That’s one of two reasons I want a ring, the other being that when I am talking to her, I have been having a hard time concentrating my focus on them. I have a habit of letting my mind slip and I end up just rambling to myself. I need something to ground me. I spent quite a lot of time on Etsy last night for that reason. I want something a little bit interesting, but not so crazy that I can’t wear it regularly. Probably something gold, to match her eye color. I’d really like one of those foldable astronomical sphere ones, but they’re so thick folded up that it’s just not practical for everyday use. I could put it on a chain, I suppose, but then it’s not somewhere I can really see it, which kind of defeats the point.

The tip I received to say their name while forcing has helped substantially. I don’t remember who suggested that at the moment, but thank you very much.

Final thing I want to cover: the mindscape.

I really want one, it’s just such a cool concept??? A little a-frame cabin in the forest inside my brain??? Yes, please. Aphantasia means the whole thing’s pretty much destined for failure, but if I ever get the time and motivation to figure out how to lucid dream, it might still work. I think my brain might just need time to get used to it.

For example, I found a couch I really like. I’ve been trying to imagine it a lot, from various angles and whatnot, and sometimes I can see flashes of it in my mind. Hopefully I can expand this to at least a living room, and for longer durations. Maybe this is just wishful thinking. I’ve always been an idealist. But I’ve made a Pinterest board of furniture and aesthetics and things. At first, I was averse to the idea of a bright yellow shag rug, but I think I’m warming up to the idea...

Oh, and today’s the first day of spring vacation, so I won’t have school distracting me (as much)! Hopefully this means more time to work on all of this business.

*executive dysfunction has entered the chat* oh no

3.24.2021.

#tulpa #tulpamancy #forcing #tulpaforcing #journal

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veiledpeaches · 4 years

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chance encounters | part iii: what i mean when i say

Summary: Between pages of meddling friends and societal expectations, all she actually wants is to find a happily ever after with Doyoung, even if it feels like that is no longer possible.

part i x part ii x part iii x part iv x part v x part vi

word count: 4k

GIF originally posted by @lukhei

Haewon’s day starts briefly like this – a backache verging on cataclysmic, a phone that is ringing off the hook and a thunderous sizzle from the kitchen that could be an auditory representation of Johnny cooking up a storm for no particular reason on a Saturday morning.

“Johnny Suh, you know you’re not allowed to touch the kitchen as long as I am in the house.” She gripes as she walks out of her bedroom upon washing up.

“It’s my house,” Johnny argues, just as he places a fork and knife on either side of the dish he has prepared for her. “And - you’re welcome. Johnny’s homemade blueberry pancakes.”

“Please, you should be thanking me,” she says, sliding all her hair across one shoulder and digging into the pancakes. “Plus, what if I wanted waffles? That would void your compensation.”

“I can make you waffles later if you want,” Johnny winks. “Although, we can argue that pancakes really don’t deserve such discrimination if waffles aren’t accorded the same breakfast ghettoization - they’re practically made of the same ingredients.”

Haewon studies him with narrowed eyes. “That good, huh?”

“Whaddya mean?” Johnny’s expression turns sheepish.

“Ghettoization?” She returns the question, moving her hair behind her shoulder and smirking, “you’re rambling, it’s written all over your face, you sad sad man-child.”

He jauntily sits himself on the chair in front of her, the grin on his face too pleased to be contrite. “It was good.”

“We really ought to soundproof your room, she literally woke me up-”

The lady in question chooses this opportune moment to make her presence known, sauntering up to Haewon and Johnny as she buckles her watch to her wrist. Haewon’s head whips towards Johnny with glaring eyes, while Johnny discreetly mouths an apology back to her. They had laid down the quintessential rule (the rule that makes all ground rules obsolete) when Haewon had moved in in early 2017 - staying over’s only okay after the fifth date; if you want to have a one-night stand, book yourself a hotel. This is Johnny’s second infraction of the year (not that Haewon is counting, she has too much of a life for that). She hears Johnny’s date of four times stop short in front of them.

“Youngho-ah, who’s this lady and what’s she doing eating your pancakes in her underwear?”

Haewon drops her gaze onto herself as Johnny stands to give the accuser a kiss on the temple. It’s clearly just a camisole that’s in question, though given what Johnny’s lover is planning to wear out of the apartment, it’s sort of audacious of her to bring this up when she’s really giving Haewon a run for her money.

“This is Haewon, baby, my roommate. I grew up with her back in the U.S.”

“Ah,” Said lover reaches her hand out to shake Haewon’s in an oddly formal manner, her coffin nails digging slightly into the back of her hand. Haewon guesses the sigh that emits from her lips right after she studies her has more to do with relief than recognition.

Shrugging internally, Haewon sits back down to finish her breakfast as she hears Johnny and his partner-she-can’t-give-a-name-to-‘cause-Johnny-said-no-labels kiss noisily and bid goodbye, as she eyes said partner’s figure. Yeap, Johnny’s definitely a titties man.

“It was a crime of passion, your honor!” Johnny dramatically pleads once the door shuts as Haewon shakes her head vigorously and mutters, “that’s not how you use it”.

“You’re cleaning the apartment the whole of next month,” Haewon insists, before her eyes widen as a thought flits into her head, “oh my God, you guys didn’t do it on the couch, did you-”

“Of course not! I’m not an animal!” Johnny pretends to be scandalized, “and, come on. It was 2am. I couldn’t kick her out of bed - what can I say, I’m a gentleman. A modern romantic.”

“I think you catastrophically misinterpret the word ‘romantic’.”

Despite the inflection, Johnny is, one-hundred percent, a hopeless romantic - something Haewon quickly learnt after witnessing the poor man get dumped over the phone a while after she had relocated to Seoul. Johnny believes in the concept of soulmates, the proverbial ‘one’, and an ancient concept that most people would currently refer to as ‘destiny’. The manifestation of his soulmate pursuit is countless dates and relationships, grandiose expressions of love and a penchant for serenading his lovers with roses from their windows - a gesture not every Korean woman appreciates especially at 11pm on a Thursday night.

“I think I’m gonna marry her, Haewon,” Johnny tells her now, with a sparkle in his eye, “I think she's the one.”

Haewon looks at him disbelievingly. “You’ve been on four dates, John.”

“I know, but it feels so right, you know?” He smiles softly in a moment of clairvoyance, standing up to clear their plates. “Speaking of marrying someone, isn’t there something you need to do on Monday?”

Haewon rolls her eyes. Subtlety has never been his strong suit.

There’s a reason Johnny has been calling Monday D-day for the past week, and repeatedly using phrases that border on annoying such as ‘it’s go time’ and ‘let’s get it’. Monday would mark the return of a highly anticipated Kim Doyoung, and Johnny is adamant that Haewon should tell Doyoung, especially since Inhee has not confessed about what she's done.

“Isn’t it possible that she might want to tell him face-to-face?”

“If it was me,” Johnny straddles the chair in mock confrontation, balancing his arms on the seat. “If this was me, would you be saying something so naïve?”

“But it’s not you-”

“If the conditions were the same, but it was me instead of Doyoung, you know you would tell me in a heartbeat. And I would appreciate it, Haewon, just as he would.”

“You’re not doing this for yourself,” he looks at Haewon with a seriousness that silences her. “Don’t beat yourself up over something you have no reason to. You’re doing it for Doyoung.”

“The moment he reaches work, you march into his office, and you tell him truthfully what you saw. No one can accuse you of anything when you’re just being truthful.”

There’s a sign on the wall at the far right corner of the office that says “There’s no room for losers”. It’s a signature Fulworth saying, especially when things get tough at work.

Haewon has never felt particularly perturbed by it until now. She can almost hear the enunciation of the word ‘losers’ in his low, gruff voice.

Unlike Johnny’s prediction, Haewon’s will isn’t the only thing stopping her from talking to Doyoung about his fiancée when Monday comes. The issue turns out to be a lot less 1980s-movie-dramatic than they had expected – a case of timing.

Doyoung has been in and out of meetings since he entered the office after lunch.

It’s not even like Haewon has been systematically avoiding him. Doyoung barely had a chance to say hi to her and update her about the situation at Bertsman when he had been whisked away by a very anxious Lee Donghyuck, who had been held in trepidation for the last two weeks due to the declining sales figures. Haewon had laughed, gotten back to the copy she had been working on for Cho Young Jun’s book press release, her stomach lurching at the thought of what she had to do later.

There's no room for losers, the neat cursive print stares back at her from the wall.

It’s only hours later, when the sky has turned pitch black and the hour hand on the clock has pointed to ten, that Haewon begrudgingly creaked her joints into motion as she made her way to the Managing Editor’s office, cursing Johnny and all that he stood for as a person.

“Haewon!” Doyoung’s lips breaks into a smile and stands up suddenly, with only the harsh light from the desk lamp illuminating his face. “I thought I told you to leave at six, I don’t even know when I can leave the office…”

“Doyoung works late every night. We hardly spend much time in the same room anymore. We don’t even talk anymore, about our lives and our work.”

“Boss, you just got back late last night. You should rest.” She tries, “and, well, your fiancée might be waiting up…”

“It’s okay, Inhee understands,” Doyoung laughs, “besides, I sort of have to undo literally everything the Bertsman employees have done. That’s what I’ve been saying, you can’t trust any one of their employees, they don’t do things the way we do,” he smirks.

Haewon smiles softly at him, even if he cannot see, his eyes trailing after the lines on the paper in front of him.

“Ah, but what can I do? I’m just a worker ant.” He flops his arms around, as if mimicking an actual worker ant.

This action doesn’t bring Haewon laughter as she had expected. Instead, her heart feels like it’s been wrung, the sudden tightening in her chest inexplicable. She doesn’t know if it’s a biological reaction, but tears have started to fill her eyes, and there seems to be nothing else she can do but blink them back.

This is the Doyoung that Haewon has fallen in love with, all five foot ten of him, gummy smile and square shoulders, a kind boss and a workaholic - but how real her feelings are doesn’t and cannot negate how ill-placed the same feelings are in their situation. Here he is, looking at her, grinning at her, as her vision blurs. In that moment, she swears she hears something in her break; a small, clean sound, like the snapping of a flower’s stem.

“Oh by the way, you really need to get back to me on the wedding,” he laughs breathily, “I really need that RSVP-”

“I can’t go.” The words leave her before she realizes, breath seeming to return to her lungs temporarily. “I… I can’t attend your wedding.”

His face falls.

“Oh, you have something that day?” His smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

“No, I…” She looks down, licking her lips and inhaling shakily. “I can't attend your wedding, because…”

“Haewon.”

“Because… Because I like you.”

She hears more than sees his reaction, the pen in his hand slipping through his fingers and thudding gently onto the carpeted floor. “Haewon.”

“Because I like you,” her voice is still shaky, but there’s a part of her that’s calmer than ever before. “I can’t attend your wedding.”

She lifts her gaze to meet his, but Doyoung’s expression remains unreadable. She feels her jaw start to quiver, and clenches down on it.

“I like you, Doyoung. I like you so much that I can’t sleep, can’t think. I like you, I want to be with you, but you know what I also want?” She lets out a shaky breath, “I want you to be happy…”

It’s not like a leaky faucet, or a dam breaking. Instead, it’s like the little Dutch boy had pulled his finger out of her chest, because suddenly everything inside her is spilling out at once.

“But I see you everyday,” she shuts her eyes, and the tears flow at their will, “I don’t… know… what to do. Believe me, if I could will these feelings away, I would. I don’t want to feel so pathetic, I don’t want to like you like this.

“But I’ve also realized that I can’t be that… person, who stands on the sidelines and watches as you marry someone else - I can’t, I couldn’t do that to myself. I’m sorry. This is so out of line and you probably don’t want to hear this.” She inhales shakily, shutting her eyes as she pauses. “I’m sorry for telling you this… I just… I just needed you to know.”

Doyoung looks at her as if in a daze, his own lips quivering, until almost immediately, his head falls and he inhales sharply, as if giant invisible scissors had cut off his marionette strings.

“Why… Why now.”

Her eyes widen. “What do you-”

“Why are you telling me this, Haewon?” Doyoung looks at her like she’s missing a point, like she’s the most breakable thing in the world. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

Her eyes sting with fresh tears. She can feel something rising in her throat - a sob, a scream - but she bites it back, shutting her eyes so tightly there are almost tears that refuse to escape. She hates herself for crying, for showing any weakness here, for thinking she ever had a shot with someone like him.

There's no room for losers, but in that moment, she can’t help but feel like she has become one.

It’s Friday, finally the end of the week.

She softly clicks the pen in her hand open and close, drifting in and out as Huang Renjun drones on and on about the press kits they are planning to prepare for the media and why the Marketing Department needed more of the budget to be allocated to them.

This meeting has lasted way too long, and it feels even longer with Doyoung right next to her, the sleeve of his jacket inches away from hers. He's scribbling down notes diligently, making her existence in the meeting obsolete - it’s been like this the whole week, and Haewon is exhausted. She knows what Doyoung is doing, how he’s taking meeting minutes down like someone who doesn’t have an assistant so he doesn’t have to ask her for them later. Despite the promise of putting what happened behind them on Monday, she’s entirely aware that things will never be the same again.

The envelope sitting in her bag is still warm, its contents only freshly printed this morning. She vaguely hears Kim Jungwoo asking a question before all eyes are suddenly turned towards her.

All, but Doyoung's.

She looks around the room, befuddled, while feeling Yuta’s foot nudge hers gently, presumably to get her to speak.

“I’m so sorry,” she finally says.

“Manager Kim asked if you had too much on your plate,” the timid intern next to Kim Jungwoo speaks up, “and if you were willing to undertake more of the comms with Cho Young Jun himself.”

She opens her mouth, surprised, and turns to Kim Jungwoo.

“As we were saying, before you spaced out on us,” he laughs good-naturedly, “we let him read the copy you wrote and he likes it. He specified that he wants to work with you.”

Haewon’s gaze drops to her notebook, where a messily scrawled question blinks back at her. Today or next week? She blinks, momentarily realizing that the decision presented to her now accounted for more in the future than she had thought.

“I… That would be a great opportunity for me, thank you.”

Kim Jungwoo grins. “Don’t thank me, your boss told the boy that you were highly supportive of his work. Of course he would be excited to work with you.”

She turns towards Doyoung, a wide-eyed Doyoung, a Doyoung who only looks back at her now, his eyes not betraying any emotion.

There’s something about placing the envelope on his desk that makes it so official, a breath of fresh air that comes from a gesture that’s so unabashedly melodramatic and passé. Doyoung eyes the envelope warily, clearly this was not something he had imagined.

“Why is it… addressed to me? Why isn’t it in an email?” Doyoung drops his glasses onto his desk, pressing his fingers gently against his eyelids. “Why… What is this, Haewon?”

“I just…” She licks her lips. “I just wanted to make sure you received it, is all.”

Doyoung looks at her for a moment, then gets up and shuts the door of his office, before clicking on the button below his desk, rendering the glass office translucent.

“Tell me, Haewon, what is this about? Is it because of Monday?”

She winces, remembering the state of mess she had reduced herself to that night. The only thing more pathetic than confessing to someone who’s engaged, is confessing to someone who’s engaged while crying.

“No, boss, of course not. I thought we agreed to put it behind us.”

“I thought we did too,” he says, sighing and standing with his hands on his waist. “Then what’s this about? I mean, do you want… a raise? What can I-”

“No no no, please don’t think that way. I applied for a Literary Arts Masters’ at Brown University,” Doyoung’s remains bewildered. “I want to be a writer, and, I want to study for it.”

Doyoung inhales shakily. “I mean, I know you wanted to write, but… You should have told me about this. I would’ve written you a letter of recommendation…”

“Well I got in,” she shrugs and smiles, “and… I want to do it. I’ll be admitted in the fall, so I’m moving soon.”

It’s almost like she can see the gears shifting in Doyoung’s head, the mental calculations as apparent. “Is that what you wanted to tell me on Monday? When you came into my office, is that the, well,” he licks his lips, “more technical reason why you can’t come to my wedding?”

Not entirely, she thinks. “Well, it’s one of them.”

Doyoung settles himself back into his chair, absentmindedly rearranging the stationery on his desk. “I don’t want a new assistant.”

Her heart sinks. “I know you’re stressed. I’m sorry, and… this feels irresponsible, that I didn’t tell you this earlier. Thing is, I didn’t really believe I would get in, and I got my letter so late, so now I only have the next three months…” She pauses, realizing that none of this should be important in the discussion. “That’s why I’m giving you a month’s notice instead of the required two weeks, I’m sorry that this is what I can only leave you with, but I want to help as much as I can. I swear, boss, I’ll get handovers done as best as I can, whether the recruitment is internal or external, I’ll make sure the transition is as smooth as possible for you-”

“No, I mean…” Doyoung stands up, the pinstripes of his suit bouncing against the light as he does, and walks slowly towards Haewon, standing right in front of her.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

If there's anything she'll miss, it's how Doyoung always leaves her breathless. The sincerity in his eyes twinkling like unshed tears, the way he just looks softly at her like this, his lips pursed tightly and making the small, almost unnoticeable scar by the corner of his lips more prominent. This is the Doyoung that makes her heart soar, an unspoken tenderness dancing across his features. But with this Doyoung also comes an unmistakable truth glaring right back at her.

“No one is irreplaceable, Doyoung,” she starts, a lump rising in her throat, “especially not me. And I think it’s clear that this week has proven that we are no longer able to work together properly because of my feelings and the awkwardness that it has caused.”

“I was trying to give you space-”

“I don’t need space, Doyoung!”

“What was I supposed to say? What am I supposed to say, Haewon? I’m engaged!”

He looks at her for a long time, then sighs and turns away exasperatedly, tears darting in his eyes.

And there it is - the bubble that has popped, the pink elephant in the room. Because the truth is, from start to finish, as selfish and morally repugnant as it is, Haewon had foolishly hoped for a future with this man somehow in some way, even when it had never been possible.

“You’re right,” Haewon feels her eyes sting, but she has promised herself that she is not going to cry in front of Doyoung ever again. They aren’t close enough for that.

“No, you’re right, I’m sorry, I don't know what I was expecting, why I said what I said.” She shakes her head, attempting to breathe again.

“Besides, your engagement isn’t the only thing standing in the way of anything happening between us.”

Doyoung looks up immediately. “What do you mean by that?”

Haewon winces and swallows, unwilling to spell it out. “I mean, you don’t… feel the same way, at all.”

There comes a point when things are undeniable and can't be hidden any longer, even from yourself.

“I never should have told you about it,” her voice comes out as a whisper this time, unintentionally intimate.

“I’m sorry - even with everything that I said that day, it only occurred to me after, how truly stupid and inappropriate it was… in the office, no less.” Doyoung begins to shake his head, but she continues. “I don't have an excuse for it, I’m sorry - but I swear I’m not… for the lack of a better word, punishing you or anyone else with my resignation. Even before telling you, I was bent on moving overseas for the degree. So Doyoung, you really don’t have to feel guilty or anything - you don’t owe me anything, I shouldn’t have said anything.

“At the same time… The chance for me to pursue my dream is too rare to give up on.

“You’ve done so well before I came into your life, you’re gonna be okay.”

Doyoung averts his gaze away once again, putting his hands into his pockets, and alternating between resting his weight on his left and right foot.

“You’re wrong, you know, you’ve never been more wrong.”

“I’m sorry?”

He finally looks up, his eyes filled with sadness enough to keep Haewon from taking a step out of his office. Outside, phones are ringing and people are talking, noisy and continuous and completely unaware. But here, there is a Doyoung who looks at her like she could break easily, as he contemplates whether or not the next words have to be said, if at all.

“You said no one is irreplaceable, but you’re irreplaceable to me.”

It’s finally down to the last week of her work - and a part of Haewon feels guilty to admit that it is a relief.

This is what Doyoung and Haewon has been reduced to - two people who would rather send each other emails than talk face-to-face, even if it’s about work. On the bright side - if there is one - the diminished duties mean that Haewon has been given ample time to interview, recruit and train Doyoung’s new assistant - a dogged 25-year-old fresh graduate with a double major in Journalism and Communications who has an unhealthy obsession with cars, whom the younger estrogen-infused female interns label “daddy material”.

“Ready?” Johnny smiles as he shoves his keys in his pants pocket.

She slides her bag across her shoulder and looks at him up and down. “Johnny, you’re not ready.”

“Oh right! Shit,” Johnny mumbles to himself, rushing to his room to get his shirt.

It’s 8.25am, which means that Johnny’s definitely going to be late, since he’ll drop Haewon off at her office first, but Johnny doesn’t really seem to care. She laughs to herself, picking up her phone just as a message notification chimes.

Haewon, I’m so sorry I can’t tell you this myself, but I will be on personal leave for the entire week. I know you’re mostly done with handovers and training Jeno, but I’ll need you to hold the fort for this last week - just check your email, you’ll understand everything. I’m so sorry I can’t be here for your last week. Thank you.

Personal leave? What kind of emergency would-

“Haewon!” Johnny jogs out of his room, his phone and shirt in his hands. “Did you know?”

His eyes are wide with shock, his mouth open. He swallows, taking in Haewon’s equally baffled expression.

“I just got a call from my Mom. The wedding’s off…”

w/n: dear friends, please do not zone out in meetings. it doth not helpeth thee.

also, johnny is a giant teddy bear

come scream at me!! here :-)

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swampgallows · 4 years

Text

i got distracted earlier and forgot to post but im thankful for my mutuals who have helped me time and again, even if it’s in ways you may not know. i appreciate you all so much and i am so grateful for the friends i’ve made here and the small but intimate community cultivated through tumblr.

zbfc and wch, thank you for everything. @zeyan i love you with all my heart and i’m so fucking thankful i could have funny airbnb time with you and @aeiroki grimlock hunterpunter. you make me laugh every single day and i always want the best for you both (and jack!!! and PARKER!!!)

@lokaror thank you for letting me share my love of rexxar and bears with you. we’ve shared a lot of fantastic laughs together, some very fun stuff and some very deep shit too. i treasure every one of our convos together, and your playlists too!

@reglei thankful i finally got to beat you into submission at blizzcon. youre a sweetheart and a sleepyhead. thanks for listening to me ramble late into the night. i appreciate all the times youve had my back, whether it was creepy dudes or spoilers or w/e. you shoulda killed me w gorehowl when you had the chance

I LOVE @amarysue i miss you when you work long hours but i’m always so happy when we get to play games together. i hope you can leave the mcdonalds playplace soon. also i dont get to say it much but i love talking about academic stuff with you. i know i rib you about dark leafy greens but you are very educated in a lot of amazing fields and i love when you share your knowledge with me!!! i love amary!!!!

@theabsolutevoid i know youre the void but youre a golden human being of radiant light. you are so spectacular, we are all always in amazement of your passion and creativity and constant flow of ideas, and your compassion seems boundless. i am so grateful to know such a special person and spent many late nights laughing to tears with you

@perce the dynamic duo... im thankful daygo got me into ladybug so i could hear all of your amazing takes on it as they are equally as hilarious as your wow takes. i admire your resilience, though that might be weird to say, and though i know i’m an old crone youre definitely a role model for me taking command of my own life and establishing boundaries to become the person i want to be. i’m so grateful we got to spend blizzcon together again!! and thank you for getting me the long-forgotten hippogryph. its a very important memory to me.

refugees i know i dont pop in much but i still love you all dearly. im embarrassed actually because you are all functional adults and i’m not but when i get a job and reenter society i want to be able to come back and say i’m a big kid now

thrainosh squad @irenthel @wckhamm etc thank you for letting me indulge my interests without ridicule or judgment. @fitzefitcher i dunno you changed my life SORRY there is not a less fucked up way to say that. no pressure

@sithisis & crew thank you for so many incredible hots games and wonderful memories and all of your sweetness and fun times!!! sith you have inspired and supported so much of my writing and my ideas and i am in awe that you are getting so many amazing opportunities working in games journalism!!! i know theres a lot of grunt work but at the end of the day it seems like youre really doing something you genuinely love (and are good at!!) and i’m so happy for you. you work hard and you deserve it. im love skitty w a gun

@steblynkaagain your art is such an inspiration to me, and i’m amazed by your cosplay too! i’m thankful that even across language barriers we can enjoy thraina and silly modern AUs together. i am so impressed by your intelligence and achievements. your comic where you pledge yourself to Thrall’s Horde is still so important to me, and every day i think about your mechanic garrosh..... and doctor drek’thar, and doctor thrall, and SHAMAN GARROSH....... (sob)

@captainkaprozyx and @sdei ... i am so thankful for all of your artwork and your amazing gifts. i am working on getting them framed, and your zine was amazing! you are a great team and I love your collaborations. also sdei’s birthday gift is still my discord icon. we just really love a big guy huh....... cannot express how inspiring your artwork is. the detail, the colors... it brings me to tears, i am so stunned. you are both so incredibly talented!

@omnifariousness bro i dont even know where to start. many good dog times and we can strike up the late night jawin again soon i hope. shit has been scattered and i know youve been dippin back n forth on the road but i hope the shit evens out soon for you. excited for you to see tool in feb and damn dude every DAY i think about the reading you treated me to of the 40k stuff for your reel. god man i want that VA shit to work out for you bad. your diction is impeccable and you so deserve it

@darnjam i know you guys dont read this but i love you so much and every day i’m so thankful we’re all still friends. @daygloow thank you for being like the sole source and catalyst for my personal development for like the last 3 years, im so proud of you and everything youve worked so hard to achieve and i’m so glad youre getting the recognition you deserve. thank you for always picking me up (vehicular and emotional) and for watching cartoons n playin vidya with me. god whens the next GOOD rave? i need to make you proud and actually dj so i can play banana

@bluntcrusher every day i’m like god when will king tori take the throne... im so thankful that youre in a good spot finally and that youre getting the love you deserve. and plus a sweet pucci mane. my blogs a mess but im glad youre still stickin around for it haha. always happy to see youre safe and THRIVING

@swarnpert love you dude thank you for lettin me harass you w 420 snaps. bro when you sent me those sabaton snaps i was in line for the haunted mansion at disneyland during blizzcon and it was just like... my heart was so full, it meant so much to me ALSO HOLY SHIT i love your art please NEVER STOP drawing

@nelfs i love your blog and your art and your FEELINGS like I dunno how to word it in a not-weird way. i think you are a very bright person with a good heart, and i’m thankful to know someone like that, even tangentially. it is fortifying also to see someone stand up for the things they love, whether it’s just a cartoon show or something of serious concern like animal welfare. i admire your healthy relationship to yourself and your strong integrity.

@neophyte-redglare i think about bead world garrosh every fucking day of my life. cannot thank you enough. i treasure it

@redpandalori THIS IS THE MVP RIGHT HERE. i dunno when you started sending me floods of kittums but every day i look forward to it and every single one means so much to me. i wear the kandi you handcrafted for me every single day and i show it off constantly to my friends because it’s just mindblowing. you are so sweet and thoughtful and i love sendin you snaps and it’s just incredible how the internet is. thank you for sending me rain snaps and kito & harley/ears & lilith pics all the time

@hungwy i dunno WHAT you get outta my blog but i’m thankful for the reams of sweet animal pics and interesting linguistic and anthropology posts on your blog. you’re a very positive force on my dash and you seem a wonderful person irl too!

@ubersaur im so happy we’re still mutuals after all this time lmao. you were one of the first aces id ever known so we’ll always have that solidarity and i’ll always be thankful. and i have to seriously catch up on magus bride haha. thank you for all of your love and support after all this time, i hope i offer the same to you!!

@18milliondeadplebs the rare and beautiful nexus of my two sole interests... warcraft and raving. dude just thank you for existing man LMAO i hope we can go ravin together some day

@kontextmaschine what a strange long fuckin trip it’s been dude. super surreal to have raved with you and had you come all the way down for burst but i knew i’d be remiss if youd missed it. you definitely deserved a potent taste of the 90s. thank you for the usb sticks, im still waiting on a worthy recipient for the other two. the majority of your blog is practically in hieroglyphics to me but man when the posts hit... they fuckin hit. i know you dont need me to tell you, but youve got a great talent and weirdass fuckin eye. a very very particular eye. love you man. please kiss badger for me.

@ironbull thank you for suffering in wisdom tooth hell with me. i am glad you had a good time at disney world and im hoping we can both be free of all of our tooth woes soon. thank you also for your advice and support in my personal stuff too!!

@kittensceilidh thank you for your sweet messages! every one of your hugs means a lot to me!!! it is nice to feel seen when i am in dark places.

@dimedog warcraft and foggy forests... hell yeah dude

@tim-official man sometimes it really is as simple as just laughing at the same funny shit, but youve reached out to me too and i appreciate it!!!

@peanotbotter thank you for all of the laughs and the kind words! thank you for caring about me, i care about you too!! i hope we can play hots again or wow together soon!!!

wow this got long but i love a bunch of people. there are more of you that i love and are very special to me and i apologize if i didnt get to you. i hope you all had a nice holiday, if you celebrated. thank you for believing in me

#blathering

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thequeenofadream · 5 years

Text

Boy Meets Girl. (Roger Taylor x Reader)

Summary: “So you’re saying, boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl meet other people, boy and girl break up with other people...”

Words: 2,161

Notes: mostly fluff, pinch of angst, swear words yes.

A/N: hi ily all and thanks for taking some time out of your day to read this hope you like it have good daaay.. also tysm @rogerscupboard ily sorry ok bye

~~~~~~~~~

It was in University, when you had first met Roger Taylor. When the name Roger Taylor usually came into one’s mind, you’d usually think that you met in the most unconventional way, but it was quite the opposite. You were in one of your biology classes when you were assigned to write an essay with him. You both worked pretty well together, dividing the workloads easily and getting great results, however you didn’t really talk. Rog seemed like a really busy guy. You would show each other what you had done and revise, but you never really got to know each other over the dozens of projects you had done together.

Like any other girl, you thought he was cute, but you didn’t quite know him enough to fall head over heels.

You’d introduce yourselves formally when you were at one of Smile’s shows and Roger noticed you in the crowd. After the show, he approach you, offering to buy you a drink. You just laughed.

“So this was what you were so busy with.”

You told him how good he was and how he hadn’t bothered to tell you of his amazing skills. You both rambled aimlessly about the most random things; You enjoyed each other’s company. His ego definitely inflated after that night and he decided he would talk to you more often. You didn’t realize more often would be mean he’d be calling you at different points of the day just to ask how you were. You’d both exchange wild or boring stories about the day, listening intently on one another.

It had gotten to the point where you’d be going to bars every other night to support him, Tim, and Brian, who you’ve gotten to know through Roger. After every show, he made it a point to talk to you before going on his own escapades, whether it be about the weather, the show or musical opinions. You weren’t a rockstar like Rog, but you loved your fair share of music, particularly theirs. There was something about his passion that astonished you, there was something about him that astonished you.

One night you were waiting for Roger by the exit, you saw the three bandmates fighting and Tim walking out. It was then a man with a flamboyant aura asked you were the band had gone and you pointed in their direction informing him of what had just happened. He just smiled and told you he was going to see them. You saw him walk to Rog and Bri, watching history start to unfold. Freddie Mercury had become a new addition to the band and they searched for the bassist who would be John Deacon. The era of queen had begun.

You, Brian, Freddie and John had gotten along well as you were somewhat their mediator who’d not only settle quarrels, but also remind them that they are humans who need rest. You and Roger became increasingly close, some may say too close.

You had even accompanied him and the band to the Ridge farm where things got quite heated amongst the members. You had to threaten Roger that you would leave the farm if he didn’t come out of the cupboard, even though he had still gotten “I’m in Love With My Car” on the b-side of bohemian rhapsody.

“Bri, where’s Roger?” You asked peeking out from the doorway.

“He was being a twat and locked himself in the cupboard.”

He fucking what.

You knew he was a drama queen, but this was beyond that. You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. “What exactly transpired while I was gone?”

Freddie raised his hand excitedly. You nodded in his direction, giving him the go signal to explain.

“He wanted to put his song about fucking his car in the album and we said no, so he threw bacon at Bri, threatened to break a coffee machine and marched into the cupboard.” Freddie took a sip of tea, feeling proud of his explanation. You rubbed your temple as you were getting a headache from the amount of stress these boys were giving you.

“Can’t you guys just let him have his.. Love song?” It came out more as a question rather than the demand you wanted. John then started read out one of the lyrics of the song.

“With my hand on your grease gun...Mmm, it's like a disease, son.” He looked up at you, raising an eyebrow.

“Okay, fine maybe it’s a bit-”

“A lot.”

“OKAY. A lot weird, just give in to him this once.” You pleaded.

“Fine, if it’ll get him to help out for the rest of the day.” Brian rolled his eyes whilst folding his arms. You hugged Brian tight and kissed him on the cheek.

“Thank you, thank you, I love you all!” You said before heading to the cupboard. You knocked and heard muffled movements before a voice broke through. “Piss off, Fred!!”

“Roger, it’s me, Y/N. I got them to put it on the B-side, now will you please come out.” You sitting against the cupboard.

“ But Y/N! They made fun of meee!” Roger whined like a small child. You were absolutely done with this shit. You stood and up dusted your pants before announcing.

“ROGER MEDDOWS TAYLOR IF YOU DON’T COME OUT IN TEN SECONDS, I AM LEAVING THE BARN.”

As if almost on cue, Roger exited the cupboard. He looked like he had been there for hours, the determination of this man was scary.

“Now, go and apologize to your bandmates.”

“But-”

You gave him a stern death glare, before he finally complied and went off into the next room. You sighed.

He may be in love with his car, but I’m in love with a stubborn fucking dumbass.

You almost seemed like an old married couple at that point. In fact, that was all you ever wished, before you both got swept away by different people.Mary had set you up with a man by the name of Alex in the name of you needing to either get with Roger or find somebody to love. You loved Alex; He was attractive, charming and chivalrous. He pretty much had the opposite of Roger’s personality.

You’d both go out for dinner at least once a week and you’d plan fun activities. One time, you had both gone to the aquarium and explored the whole day. He was good, but boring. He couldn’t quite fill that void that you had devoted to Roger, but he loved you so it would suffice, right?

You and Roger continued being best of friends, but time between you two seemed to lessen. It seemed that he had also found someone and she took a significant amount of his time. You hated it. You fell in love with the wrong person and now it’s too late.

It was now the end of one of Queen’s tour and Freddie had invited you to a massive celebration. You decided to go with Alex, seeing it as an opportunity to introduce him to the band. By the time you arrived, the party was in full swing and there were people of all different walks of life. It was mesmerizing to see such a grandiose delight of sparkling lights and a variety of colours.

You saw Fred standing in the middle of it, being an absolute social butterfly. You took Alex’s hand and guided him towards freddie. Freddie’s eyes lit up as he saw you; he made his way towards you, excusing himself from the conversation.

“Y/N! It is so wonderfully great to see you!”

He embraced you almost instantly, completely ignoring the man you had brought along.

“I’ve missed you too, Fred! This is Alex, he’s my boyfriend and he works in marketing.”

Alex held out a hand however his eyes did not seem to meet Fred’s as he was preoccupied with something else. Freddie shook let go of you and shook your boyfriend’s hand. He looked at you in disbelief before whispering into your ear.

“I don’t like him, he seems boring.”

You just playfully punch his shoulder even though you knew he was right. Alex suddenly looks at you both and before looking back at you. “Hey Y/N, you want me to get you a drink?” He asked. You nodded and he went off on his own adventure.

“Now that the bore is gone”

“Fred!!”

“Okay, okay! Brian and John were looking forward to seeing you by the way.” He pointed to a lounge area where you could see Bri and Deacy enjoying some champagne.

“I’ll be sure to visit them, but have you seen Rog?” You asked, concerned.

“I saw him come in, but I haven’t seen him since.” Fred replied looking apologetic.

“I guess I have a mission then.” You spoke proudly with a smile. You really wanted to make up lost time with Roger so the first thing on your agenda was to find him.

“Just don’t go snogging in my room.” Freddie warned jokingly before being whisked away by the crowd. You rolled your eyes at his implications. You couldn’t imagine you and roger in a steamy make out session, not anymore at least. You went up to Bri and Deacy, making some small talk before asking where they could’ve seen Roger. Neither of them knew so you decided to do some more searching for yourself.

You were opening random doors to find people, smoking, doing drugs and most importantly making out. You immediately shut the door on every single one, but one in particular caught your eye.

You had opened the door to see Alex making out with some nude girl in a very compromising position. You jaw hung open as they hadn’t even noticed you. It was disgusting to say the least.

“I guess now I know what you were staring at.” You spat. Alex looked you in the eye and still chose to continue. You rolled your eyes and slammed the door shut.

You weren’t about to cry; you were feeling a different emotion. You were filled with rage. He didn’t even bother to go after you and explain so you decided to deem your relationship over.

You ran over to the curtains that covered the balcony and opened them, as you stepped out into the night sky. You took a deep breath, composing yourself before a voice from behind you caught you off guard.

“Y/N.”

You almost jumped, as you turned around to see the man you had been looking for, Roger.

“Roger.”

You both looked at each other. His eyes were puffy and you could smell the nicotine from him a mile away. He looked deeply hurt. You inched closer to him, cupping his cheek.

“What are you doing here, love?” You stroked his cheek trying to comfort him.

“I’ve been thinking about you for nights, Y/N” He started, speaking softly.

“I only ever wanted to be with you, but I lost sight.”

“What about-”

“We broke it off weeks ago.” You removed your hand from his cheek, listening to him closely.

“I wanted to tell you before, but you got with Alex and he makes you so happy. It hurts knowing I can’t hold you close and call you mine. I want to treat you like a queen, and wake you up with an abundance of kisses so that you’ll know how much I love you. I wish you were mine, Y/N.” He throws his cigarette in frustration, thinking that he has absolutely no chance with you. He looked down in grief.

You quietly laugh at his anger before speaking. “Roger, I just caught Alex kissing another girl. He looked me in the eye and he didn’t even have the balls to go after me.” You put your hand around his neck.

“Anyways, I’ve loved since forever too.”

His eyes lit up like the sun as he looked back up.

“Really?” He said excitedly. You simply nodded in response.

“So you’re saying, boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl meet other people, boy and girl break up with other people…” He pauses staring off into the distance.

“Now what?” He asks, genuinely confused.

“This.” You say before closing the gap between you two.

His lips reek of cigarettes and alcohol, but it somehow gave you a sense of home. It was as if for the first time in forever, you loved someone as much as they loved you. It was more than satisfying, It was unbelievable. You wanted to frame this moment and relive it over and over again. Feeling your soft lips against his, Roger couldn’t describe any of the sensations he was feeling. Joy? Triumphant? Proud? These words couldn’t justify the amount of happiness you gave him. You were indescribable.

You both finally pulled away after god knows how long.

“I love you.”

“Love can’t even begin to describe it.”

~~~~~~~~~

🌹taglist: @rogerscupboard @malekdarling @i-padfootblack-things

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jujedispatch · 4 years

Text

End of Tumblr

There comes a point in the life of an internet project where we lose momentum, where we coast past the sweet spot of pure and exhilarating writing and begin to devolve into apologies, false starts, reaffirmations of the original manifesto, and benign neglect. That’s where we’ve found ourselves for the last few years here. It’s not that the fun stopped, it’s just time to figure out a better balance between what’s good for you, my readers, and what I want to be doing.

I remember the thrill that writing for the internet had back when I was in high school. I cringe at the immaturity of those old pieces, but what gets forgotten is how joyous it was to stay up late scribbling into the digital void, racing the cursor against drowsiness. I think a lot of this had to do with the anonymity of the process, the magic potential of developing a readership without stooping to figure out distribution or promotion, being discovered solely via the strength of the writing. But the most important thing was the idea of a readership, or rather the presence of the imaginary implied reader on the other end. That someone might actually encounter, parse, and form an opinion on a piece was the greatest part of the excitement—stuff that stays put on the hard drive has no potential to communicate, to be read, and therefore can never be as exciting to produce.

But a lone Blogger account does not a big splash make; thus the seduction of Tumblr. Here we had community, reblogs, likes! And beyond these social network affectations I had readers: y’all. Moving to Tumblr was a symbolic way for me to acknowledge that throwing writing anonymously into the depths of the internet is just about as effective as keeping it unpublished. I wanted to make it easier to get my stuff out to the people, to share and share alike through those aforementioned affectations, perhaps to even label something with a hashtag. But Tumblr has never really been a place for egregiously long blocks of text. I’ve always felt bad about dropping something longer than the length of your computer screen into the pipeline of infinite photos and gifs, and as the broader community shifted to focus on images and short posts my stuff felt more and more like the weird experimental track at the end of the album.

I wrote some short things. It was an interesting exercise. But at what point does it make sense to let the platform dictate what you write? As fun as it was to court the instant validation of likes, Tumblr doesn’t seem like the right internet space for the long-form rambling that I gravitate towards—it’s not worth the pressure to curtail the writing to fit the interface, nor the temporal challenge of a post getting lost among all these other folks jockeying for position in your feed as time goes by. Besides, the whole reason I work on these random little pieces instead of doing my real writing is to have the space to go down the mental rabbit holes, to think like a feral academic and have fun with the digressions. I’d like to share these with you, but I don’t think that this is a good place for both of us. I want a space where you can stop by (if you’d like) and spend some time with my stuff when you feel like it, and where I can run wild with the length and post as sporadically as I want.

So we’re moving back to Blogger (yes, it still exists!)—come check us out every now and then at The Feral Imaginary. Maybe I’ll use this space to let everyone know when something new is going up over there, but I suspect that this is the end of the line for this particular corner of the internet. Until next time, onwards my friends.

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writemoment · 6 years

Text

The Cold Reality Pt.3

Writer: Ellie-Mae (Pen Name)

Part: 3/5

Previous Parts: 1 - 2

Summary: People leaving you is inevitable in life, that's what y/n's come to learn. No one really lasts, even when promises are made, everyone fades away eventually. One day, y/n's almost killed when caught in the middle of an Avengers battle but gets whisked out of harms way by a pale, dark haired man, dressed in green and gold. Will this be the start of a mischievous but unavoidable ending?

Pairing: Marvel Loki x Reader

Warnings/Rated: Nightmares, Angst, Trust Issues and Fluff.

Word Count: 6,840

( Reader ) P.O.V.

I've been with the Avengers for a total of two weeks and it's been hectic, to say the least. Ever since I arrived at the main base, I've been dragged to Stark and Banner to get poked and prodded for testing on the stone. There's not a whole bunch that they can do because it is inside my body and we don't know how far we can push it, yet.

Another worry is the long-term effects it may have on me. It's something I hadn't considered because I've been hoping that it'd be done with soon but clearly, it's a real possibility. Thor and Loki have been working with them because they're more familiar with the technology than we are, here on Midgard.

The thing that's hindering us is that the Asgardian Princes are clueless on how the technology will interact with our tech and especially with it being inside a 'mortals' body. Ah, right - Loki.

Loki has been with me, everywhere, for a week now and it's exhausting. We bicker and argue in between us actually having normal conversations. It's so odd because it's like he can't allow himself to be pleasant, not even for a moment. But when he is, I actually like him and it's only when he realizes his actions that he reverts back to his mischievous ways.

On the contrary, Loki has kind of been my personal medic as of late. With all the testing that's been going on, the stone has been causing after-effects of pain and Loki's used his magic to help me out, more than once.

Since that day in the hall, I don't ask about his magic much. Loki may be a jerk sometimes but he still deserves to have some privacy, he's still a living being. And so, that leads us to where I am currently.

Through the week of roaming these halls, I've found another library that's almost identical to the one from the towers. As it turns out, these libraries are usually void of members of the Avengers because they're Loki's hideouts. Which is no excuse to avoid these shelves of literature!

I sit on the couch in the ‘hideout’ with a book in my hand, thumbing through the pages with much interest. I glance up and see Loki watching me from a corner, with curiosity etched into his features. "What?"

He blinks rapidly, almost like I broke him out of a deep thought. "I beg your pardon?" He asks, refocusing on reality. I bite my lip to stop myself from chuckling and sigh as an alternative.

"Why were you looking at me like that while I was reading? You do know that Midgardians read as well, correct?" I thoroughly enjoy teasing Loki because that's when he's his most natural in communication. It's the common ground in which we both can speak through.

"Ah, yes. What a surprise that was to discover." He chuckles, "My apologies. It just peaked my curiosity as to why you'd be reading an Asgardian spell book." Well, I didn't think he paid too much attention as to what I did in my time as he watched over me, but apparently he notices. My cheeks heat up at this realization and I blow out my cheeks before I explain myself.

"Ever since you've been using your magic to help me, I've been curious as to the tricks you do. I didn't want to bother you with my string of questions or make you uncomfortable, so I've been reading about it instead." My embarrassment is evident in my movements and I gently close the aged book.

This seems to have taken Loki by surprise and he watches me carefully, only fueling my insecurities. Slowly, he slides the book from my hands and flips through it's contents. Looking back at me, he closes it before continuing.

"What would you like to know?" He asks, coming to stand in front of me. I stutter while trying to dismiss the bother but he cuts me off. "It's not a bother and you'll waste less time if you would simply ask."

I search his face and see that he's patiently waiting for me to continue forth with my questions. "Okay...So, the other day, you healed my finger when I sliced it while cooking - How is that possible?"

A smile tugs up at Loki's lips and he opens the book to a chapter, going through the explanation. Scooting over, I pat the seat beside me and wait to see his reaction. He abruptly stops speaking and we remain silent for a few moments.

Loki then moves in beside me, brushing his arm against mine as he proceeds to show me the pages of Asgardian magic. Despite us spending quite a bit of time together, this is the closest we've been socially. He's helped to heal me and relieve pain but nothing of this nature.

The act in itself brings a delightful shiver through my body and I try to stay still as to not bring attention to my reaction. I try to refocus my attention on the pages before me but I'm very aware of the man sitting beside me.

He goes to answer several of my questions and I work up to the most pressing of one that's on my mind. Hesitantly, the words spill forth. "Loki? I don't want to cross a line or anything but...how can you turn your skin to such freezing temperatures? You've done it to aid me with the core but it's nowhere near the ice charms mentioned."

Although he tries his best to hide it, his posture goes rigid and I can slowly feel him closing up again. Gosh dang it, why'd I have to go and ruin everything. Quickly, I dismiss the subject by rambling a string of words that result in me answering my own questions. Good job, Y/n. A+ job.

Loki nods, still letting me in a little and I can see his mind turning in ways I can't even begin to comprehend. Without thinking about it, I reach over and give his forearm a reassuring squeeze that causes me to immediately stutter awkwardly, once again, making things weird.

Surprisingly, Loki chuckles and lays his hand over mine as a silent thank you. I stare at him as he looks at me and I feel the familiar warmth spread through my chest as his thumb grazes my knuckles. He's just about to say something when we both hear footsteps coming towards us.

Retracting from one another, I feel sad at the lost connection but my attention is drawn to Peter as he scurries into our view. "Y/n! We found more of those stone, core things! Mr Stark wants you in the lab asap!" He says, sounding excited.

Peter and I have hung out a few times, sitting around watching pop culture classics in the living room and goofing off. He's a neat kid and I enjoy his enthusiasm at most things.

Loki and I exchange a look as we get up to follow the young man to Stark's and Banner's lab - a place that I've come well acquainted with, sadly. "How'd you find more Chitauri cores, Pete?" I ask.

"Oh, Thor and Steve were able to scavenge some from the battle you were injured in." I wince at the memory and he apologies quickly before continuing, "Mr Stark had originally discarded them in a warehouse but sent for them after he learned about you."

"Then why did it take so long?"

Laughing, Peter looks over at us. "See, that's the thing - The Avengers have so much crap that's been thrown to the side that they didn't remember where the cores where exactly."

"How organized." Loki comments. I smile at him, enjoying his sarcasm and Peter looks like he's just seen a miracle as he registers Loki's playful grin. Sometimes I forget that not many people are around him enough to know that he's not all bad.

Turning one last corner, we all enter the lab together and I immediately recognize the various weapons of the Chitauri warriors. "Ah,'bout time you showed up." Tony says before pulling me over to the devices.

"Y/n, take a look and tell me which one almost killed you." Tony says, nonchalantly. Bruce coughs and Tony gets the message. "If you could, please. We need all the information we can gather." Bruce frowns at the drawn out politeness but continues sorting through the tech anyhow.

Immediately spotting the alien gun, I cross over to it. Just before I can pick it up, Loki's hand grabs mine and gently places it back at my side. "I think it'd be wise if you don't handle the technology, pet. Please, be cautious." He says quietly and directed for my ears alone.

Nodding, I point to the gun before Loki hands it over to the guys. I feel irritation bubble at the distrusting looks that they give him but I push it down. Honestly, Loki has been trying to help them. I know he's made some mistakes...Okay, a lot of mistakes. But that doesn't mean that he can't be trusted. Even Tony created weapons to hurt people, that doesn't make his changes any less valid.

Bruce politely invites me and Loki to take a seat, as they will be needing us nearby. Stark tries to send Peter away but I request that he stays to keep me company, which is granted. "Just don't touch anything, okay, kid? I don't need you getting hurt and me having to explain it to May." Tony pleads.

Now the fun begins....

****

Scratch that! This isn't anywhere near fun....

In the last three hours, we've discovered that it's incredibly hard to penetrate the Chitauri tech with Midgard tools, it could even be potentially harmful. They decided, since these are basically raw energy sources, that it'd be best if we mess with them outside. This way, no one around us can get hurt and we don't catch anything on fire or something.

Heat doesn't do anything to it, water doesn't do anything and it's resistant against a large amount of weight. We learned that me touching the cores don't hurt me like regular tech does and I can control it with ease.

The cores produce a lot of energy and can enhance a lot of our tools. "Hmm, let's try this." Tony says, walking over to the core with a arc reactor in his hand. He goes to connect the two but the core starts brightly shining, almost smoking in the presence of the arc reactor. "Tony!!" I cry out.

Tony turns and sprints with us but we can only manage to get just out of reach when it detonates. The blast knocks us off our feet and we all tumble to the ground. We're all breathing hard as we turn on our backs to see the damage. In the ground, a good sized hole has been blown from the Earth. "Well, now we have a place to bury my body." I dryly joke, internally freaking out.

"Y/n..." Loki starts but I talk over him.

"Because that's clearly what's going to happen to me. There's no denying it. You all know that this can't end well for me." My voice breaks but no tears fall. "It's okay....I accept it."

"No." We all snap our attention at the voice. Peter.... "No, this isn't how it's going to end. We can fix this, right, Mr. Stark?" No one says anything. "Mr. Stark?"

"Kid...I don-"

"We can't just let her die! That's not an option!" Peter says, irritated at our acceptance. "You guys are just giving up." Tony looks down at the grassy ground that we all are still sitting upon and guilt is written across his face.

"The boy is right." Loki stands and walks over to me. "You dying is not an option and we need to look for another way." He says but his focus is on me as he cups my hands in his, helping me up from the ground. "We will find another way." His hands are still holding mine and the others agree to keep searching.

They may have faith but I have none to be found.

****

I'm wandering around in the middle of downtown New York and it's vacant of any life. "Where did everyone go?" I wonder out loud, not being able to figure out what's going on.

My feet propel me forward and I find myself tripping over something. Oh...tripping over someone. "Wanda!?" I exclaim, crouching to the ground to turn her body and examine the damage. A startled gasp leaves me when I see her eyes glossed over and her skin cold.

"No, no. You can't be dead, you just can't."

I stand up and stumble away from her, not wanting to be near my lifeless friend. My back hits the door of a car and I immediately slide down the side, to the pavement.

I glance away from her and my eyes land onto another body, adorned in red, white and blue. I push myself up and search the ground around me, covering my mouth at the horrors surrounding me.

All the Avengers are dead..

"No, this isn't right! I'm the one who's supposed to be dead!" I cry out. Fingers wrap around my ankle and I look down at Loki's hand, grabbing at me. "Why would you hurt us?" He trembles out, a terrified and hurt look etched into his face. "Why did you kill them?!"

"But-But I didn't kill them! I didn't...did I?" Tremors rake my body and I reach down to help Loki up but he flinches away from me. "Loki, I'm trying to help you."

"NO! You will hurt me, you will kill me like you killed the rest of them!" He screams. I try to beg him, tell him that I am no harm to him. "The others may have trusted you but I won't. They're dead because of you!"

"Loki!!! Please!!"

Crying out, I startle awake and sit up in bed. Panting heavily, a cold sweat drenches my skin and I feel sick to my stomach. I'm gasping as I try to capture a stable breath.

Quickly, I fling myself out of bed and into the hallway. I sprint around the corner and bang loudly on Loki's door. When no one answers, I feel the nightmare set in again and I rest my forehead against the wooded frame, tears leaking down my cheeks.

"Y/n?"

Whipping my head around, I see a concerned looking Loki standing behind me with a bottle of water in hand. "Loki!" I whimper and I wrap my arms around him, not caring about any awkwardness it may cause. I just need the relief of feeling his beating heart and knowing that he's alive.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?" He asks, immediately wrapping his arms around my shoulders and his eyes stare down at the crown of my head. His hand comes up and caresses my hair before cupping my face, pulling it into view. "What's going on, Y/n?"

Sniffling, I back away a bit but he keeps contact with a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry. It's nothing, just a stupid dream."

"Nightmare?" He asks and I nod, frowning at the thought. Loki opens his bedroom door and sweeps me inside. God, it's freezing in here. "Oh, sorry - I like it cold." He says, almost as if he read my thoughts, before turning up the heater. "So, a nightmare you say?"

"Yeah....I don't know, I guess everything's just getting to me. I know it's just a dream and it's something I don't want to recount. I- I just don't want to be alone right now, if that makes sense." I say, my voice quiet.

The room switches to a hushed atmosphere and I feel like I've become a nuisance, overstaying my welcome. "I'm sorry. I'll just be heading back to, uh, bed, then." I stutter, standing up from the edge of his bed.

"How come?" Loki asks, looking confused. "You just said you don't want to be alone, yet you return to your private quarters? That's counterproductive, don't you think?"

My mouth opens but no words or sounds come out. It's true, I don't want to go back and be alone with my thoughts. I'm quite taken aback by Loki's observance of my feelings and emotions, plus how kind he's being to me. "Yeah....It's just- This isn't your problem and I didn't want you to think I expect anything of you."

"If I did not want to help you, I would have said so. I would think you'd have figured this out by now, pet." He assures me. Dang, he calls me 'pet' a lot....Dang, I haven't corrected him and now find it endearing.

Loki walks up to me, leaning down to look me in the eye, "Do as you wish. Do note, however, that you are not a bother to me." With that, he goes to the other side of the bed and plops down with his hands behind his head.

I study him, searching for any signs of trickery that may fool me, but there's no dishonesty to find. Giving in, I sigh and move to sit down with my legs crisscrossed on the bed. "Thank you...." I say, looking down at my hands that are folded in my lap.

"For what?"

"I don't know. I guess- for not turning me away." Loki has been nicer to me the past few days and I'm not sure why, but I'm grateful nonetheless. "I know that we don't always agree and that both of us can be obnoxious-" I trail off.

Gaining more courage, I look to Loki and find him already watching me. "but you've helped me more than once. I've never once said thank you and that's wrong, so I want you to know that I'm very grateful for everything you've helped me with."

Loki's blue eyes soften and it's almost like a whole new person is beside me. There's no hostility or harshness to the way he's looking at me but a guilty look soon finds it's place. "I should have never called you an ungrateful mortal and I should not have hid your condition from you. I have not been worthy of such thanks. I'm sorry, Y/n."

A forgiving smile spreads across my lips and Loki looks as if a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. "So, I was wondering if you would tell me how you learned your tricks?" I ask, wanting to start conversation. The God of Mischief shows a genuine smile, teeth and all, and I begin to wonder how many people have had the honor of seeing such an expression on the Norse God.

"Only if I get a story in return, yes?" We shake on it and he begins his intricate story of being a child on Asgard and how it all started. Both of us exchange stories, share laughs and find joy in each other's company through the night.

The next thing I know, I'm opening my eyes and It's morning. Sitting up, I see the silky green sheets covering my body and I remember the events that occurred last night. Oh crap, I'm sleeping in Loki's bed!! I search around but he's nowhere to be found in the room. All I can feel is guilt at the thought of kicking him out of his own room and I know that I need to find him.

Scurrying out from underneath the covers, I start my way out the room but soon trip. My hands reach out to take the fall but I land on top of something softer than the floor. "Oh, god!!!" I scream, rolling off Loki and apologize repeatedly.

I hear him chuckle at me. I'm sure I sound like a broken record, which is great. "Good morning to you, too." He teases, sitting up from his make-shift bed on the ground. The friendly banter reminds me of our conversation last night and I feel my shoulders relax at the realization that we're on good terms.

"You should have woken me up and sent me to my room. I didn't mean to kick you from your own bed! I'm so so so sorry, Loki." I apologize again, not being able to help myself as I blush.

"Y/n! It's okay. After your nightmare, I figured you'd need the sleep. Plus, I wanted to be nearby in case it happened again." Loki explains, shrugging it off as no big deal. Butterflies fill my abdomen and I wrap my arms around my middle, hiding the feeling as if he could see.

Nodding, I thank him. With a smile, Loki stands up and offers a hand to me, which I gladly take. "After you." He gestures to the door and I walk out with him following. "To your room, I take?" After I nod, he escorts me to my room, "I'll be out here by the time you finish."

"Thank you, Loki." With that, he turns and walks away, disappearing behind the corner. Even when he's long gone, I smile that direction. Just as I turn around to enter my room, I'm faced with none other than Peter Parker.

"Peter!!" I exclaim, covering my startled heart with my palm. "You scared me."

"Sorry. Are you alright, Y/n? You seem awfully jumpy this morning." He asks, looking past me. "And what were you looking at? I saw you smiling down the hall." Of course he did, because I'm an idiot.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm good. My emotions are kind of everywhere, lately." I explain. One thing I love about Peter is that he doesn't question me like he does with the others. We share a few more words before he says he's off to Tony's and leaves.

If there's something I'm for certain about, it's the fact that I'm developing romantic interest in Loki. Part of me is giddy and the other part is dreadful because I know that it could never work out. I'm me and nothing's going to change that, not even this stupid core.

Taking a deep breath in, I enter my room to start changing and cleaning up for the day. After taking a shower and getting dressed into fresh clothes, I walk over to my bed. My eyes land on the green plush cover that had been draped across my body that first night in Stark Towers.

My fingers brush over the soft material and I smile at the memory held with it. Loki and I have more in common than I realized. From my point of view, he's just as used to distancing himself from others as I am.

Which makes us growing closer a lot harder.

Do I want to grow closer with Loki? Of course. Should I allow myself to? Most likely not. Am I going to end up regretting this? I'm not su-

A knock sounds at the door and I stride over to it, meeting the god that's plaguing my thoughts. "Hello." I'm greeted with the same heartwarming smile from earlier. My cheeks flush and I manage to only make 99% of a fool out of myself by saying 'Hi' - which occurred after I stumbled for correct sounds in the English language.

Closing the door behind me, I fall into step beside Loki and we make light chatter on our way to breakfast. "I enjoyed talking to you last night." He tells, looking straight ahead.

"Yes, I enjoyed it too. It's nice to hear about how others grew up and see their perspective on things." I lock my fingers together and try to keep myself from reaching out to him. "Asgard sounds like a beautiful kingdom. As does your mother, Frigga."

The way Loki's expression has become so bright towards me has me yearning to permanently keep it as such. "I do believe you'd be fond of Asgard. As well, you would be well adored by Frigga."

"I wish I could have a chance to meet her and see where you've grown."

"Perhaps that can be arranged." Loki says. Although his confidence in the future is evident, I feel my stomach drop. I will never have the chance to travel with Loki or Thor or any of the Avengers that I've come to care for. "What is troubling you, love?"

My attention is snapped back to him and I force a tight lipped smile, shaking my head. "It's nothing. Just daydreaming." I dismiss the thought with the wave of my hand but I know that Loki can see through my false speech. Still, he knows that now is not the time to push at such a subject and let's it dissipate.

Our conversation has died down to a comment here and there as we continue walking, both of us trapped within our own thoughts. We reach the kitchen and I pour myself a bowl of cereal, reaching into the fridge for the milk.

"Ah, good morning - Loki, Y/n." Thor's naturally loud voice booms through the space around us. I wave slightly at him, continuing with my task. Things are still a little awkward between Thor and I, though we are in the process of getting back to comfortable.

"Morning, brother." The dark haired man responds, his voice so close behind me that the heat of his breath fans over my scalp. Goosebumps trickle across the surface of my skin and a slight shiver rolls through me.

Thor looks between us and smiles, sending me into a fidgeting motion with reddened cheeks. "What have you two been up to?" He asks with a slightly humorous tone. My eyes snap up at him and he gives me an innocent expression, raising his eyebrow for an answer.

"What's with the inquires? I've been doing my job and watching over Y/n." Loki snaps, sounding irritated at the blonde. The hash words weren't directed at me, yet I feel like my heart has been punctured and is slowly deflating.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!!! Of course, I'm only a job and I need to keep a grip on reality. I'm just a liability and nothing more.

Thor must take notice of my slowly deteriorating happy mood and quickly fills the silence. "I wish to spend the day with Y/n and-" Thor is cut off by Loki's harsh snigger.

"Keep wishing, brother dear."

"I don't have to, Loki. Stark has already agreed to me taking your...duties for the day." Thor informs us and I can see that he most definitely notice my discomfort earlier with the choice of words. Loki looks outraged but there's nothing he can do about it.

After taking a few bites of breakfast, I lose my appetite and hop off my seat to stand beside Thor. "I'll see you around, Loki." I say drably, still feeling the residual effects of my hurt emotions from earlier.

Now it's Loki's turn to notice the change in my nature and he gives me a concerned look, eyes scanning me for anything that could lead him to what's got me changed. I feel like he can see through my barrier, as if my walls that I spent years building up has all been made of glass. Glass that he's slowly cracking, letting in the harsh of the cold reality.

Before he can figure me out, I turn and walk out of the kitchen and I hear Thor follow immediately. No words are shared as I walk aimlessly through the facility but that doesn't stop the loudness that my brain is torturing me with.

Pushing against these mixed feelings as much as possible, I take a deep breath and turn to speak with the God of Thunder. "So, why have you requested my presence this fine day, Thor?" I ask, putting on a friendly smile.

"No reason in particular, my friend. I thought we could use this time to catch up on the time we've lost in the past days." He explains. So that's exactly what we do. We spend all morning talking and it doesn't take very long for our sibling-like banter to return to normal.

I'm hugging my middle, laughing so hard that it hurts my gut. "Oh, how I've missed talking with you." I admit, fanning my warm face.

"As I, with you." He sighs, finally calming down from our intense laughter. "You and Loki have become closer, have you not?" He asks, finally speaking his hesitant thoughts from this morning.

Shrugging, I fiddle with my fingers and interweave them with each other. "So it would seem." I reply, rather sadly. There's no use in attempting to hide my disappointment because Thor has this brotherly way of seeing through all of that.

"What is it that keeps you from speaking your mind, Y/n?" Thor inquires. My eyes sting with the ghost of tears and I bite my tongue to keep them from spilling. A long quiet passes as I gather myself to answer my friend, the brother of the one I've become rather fond of.

"The heart is a treacherous thing, is it not?" I ask. Thor looks at me, not quite understanding what brought on this question.

"That's a curious question. I suppose the heart could be just so but that's why we must yield to the knowledge we possess in our mind." Thor's eyes continue to watch me carefully, as if I am the greatest mystery of the millennium.

I shake my head at how ridiculous this all could seem. "I'm scared, Thor." I quietly tremble out, my voice cracking. The blonde god looks immediately concerned and I can feel the tears brimming. "There is no hope inside me that can be used to convince myself that I will survive much longer."

"Y/n.."

"No, Thor. You don't get it!" I cry out, the tears slipping down my cheeks with ease. "This Chitauri rubbish in my arm is what got me here and because of it, I was able to meet you and Peter and Loki and Steve and everyone else. That in itself has been something I had never imagined would occur in my life."

My frown deepens when I see the pity on his face. "But this will also be where my life will come to it's end. I can't bring myself to imagine any alternative or wish for something more because that would be bringing a disservice upon myself. I can't afford anymore heartbreak than I've already encountered."

I look up at the ceiling, swiping my fingertips underneath my eyes to clear away the moisture that's collected there. "I'm sincerely sorry that this has all happened to you, Y/n. Just as you can not bring yourself to hope, I can not convince myself that this will be your end."

Thor stands before striding over to where I sit. I tilt my head up to look at him and he pulls me up into his embrace, which I gladly melt into, letting the tears run free. "You are one of the most kind of individuals I've met in all my years and I'd have liked for us to meet under different circumstances."

I sniffle in response before he continues, rubbing my back soothingly. "But this is just another obstacle that you have to face and do know that we are all here to go through it with you." Thor finishes, "Okay, my friend?"

My arms tighten around the god and all I can manage is to quietly choke out, "Thank you so much, Thor. I couldn't- I couldn't have imagined having anyone better than you on my side." I close my eyes and I know that we both disagree with one another but for the same reason.

We don't want the outcome of this to hurt the other.

****

After our conversation, Thor and I took a walk out in the surrounding forest of the property. Which got us somewhat lost in the process and thus resulted in our return being late at night. "Thanks for today, Thor. I'm glad we got to hang out, again."

"My pleasure. Goodnight, lady Y/n." He squeezes my shoulder before walking away. Having fun with him today was a nice change but I had continually thought about Loki throughout the whole ordeal. Which made me angry because I shouldn't be thinking of him when he was almost positively not thinking about me.

Both of my shoulders slump and I know that I need to try to rest up. Twisting the knob, I swing my door open and as I enter, I notice Loki sitting at my desk. The one person I've been trying to tune out, all day!

By instinct, I jump back and hit my head on the still open door. Scowling, I close it quickly before glaring at the man that's in my room without invitation. "You're back later than I would have expected."

"Lower your expectations and get out of my room, Loki." I snap, walking into the bathroom and checking my head. Silence follows and I beg that it means he's left but my mind knows better.

Peeking around the corner, I see him still sitting there and he seems unfazed by my harsh words. Maybe if I just ignore him, he'll get the message and leave. I go through my room, gathering my sleeping garments and retreat back to the washroom in order to finish up.

Afterwards, I open my way back into my room and I no longer see Loki sitting at my desk. Slight guilt eats away at me and I groan as I climb underneath the comforter, trying to relieve the irritation bubbling in my chest.

Plopping my head down upon the soft cushioning of my pillow, I stare up at the ceiling and imagine becoming acquainted with the Avengers in less unfortunate circumstances. I imagine what could have become of Loki and me if I had not been an assignment. Would he have any connection with me as I have come to have with him?

Tossing over onto my side, I close my eyes and allow myself to dream of an alternate reality where things are different. Where I would have no expectations or unfortunate pasts or anything of the sort. Where I am different than I am right now.....

Bodies lay at my feet, drained of any life that once filled them and the core in my arm is glowing brightly, almost happily at the deaths it has caused. "Very well done, Y/n, Mortal of Midgard." A dark hooded figure approaches the scene but I can't make out their face. "Nothing suits you better than the darkness that has eroded every fiber of your being."

"Who are you?!" I scream, terrified of what I've involuntarily become. "Why have you done this?" My voice hoarsely calls.

The figure laughs loudly and only now do I hear a feminine ring to them. "Bring forth the trouble." She commands and Chitauri warriors step forward with a beaten and bruised Loki between them, his head hanging low.

"No! Don't you dare hurt him!" I beg desperately. "Please, kill me! Kill me instead of taking anymore lives!" I offer, wanting all this pain and suffering to end here. This needs to end.

Loki's head tilts upward until his eyes land on me, but there's only hatred being held towards me. "You!!!" He yells, thrashing against the soldiers he's held against. "This all happened because of you! They all died by your hands!"

Tears sting my eyes and I don't understand what he's going on about. "Oh, do shut up. Instead of royal highness, he should be royal whine-ness." The figure jokes but there's no humor to be found in these situations.

"Who are you!?" I demand, trying to buy time for Loki to pull one of his mischievous tricks and break free.

"Ah, me? You know me whether you realize it or not." With that, the hood gets pulled from their head and reveals the culprit. "Surprise."

My heart drops and my face falls slack. "No, no. This can't be real. This isn't real!!" The horror seeps into my mind and I can't take my eyes off of her. Standing in front of me, adorned in black robes, I stare into the eyes of myself....

"Yes, my dear. This is what you have become." She says, gesturing to herself. "This is us, spattered in the blood of our victims. You are nothing but the past. I'm the future, you in this form."

With a wave of her hand, another Chitauri warrior comes forward and plunges their sharpened staff straight through Loki's chest. His eyes watch me as they lose color, his body slumping as his remaining life flees his body.

"Loki, no!!! Loki, please! No!!"

Screaming, I struggle against the covers as I try to run from the nightmare. Within seconds, my door flies open and my bedside lamp gets turned on. My eyes adjust to the lighting and soon fall onto Loki, who has come to my aid.

"Y/n, are you okay?" He asks hurriedly, concern plain to see. He stands by the edge of the bed, looking me over as I sit there frozen in my panic. "Y/n?"

I don't realize I'm crying until Loki's thumbs swipes the droplets from my cheeks. "I'm sorry, Loki." I whisper, hiccuping in the process. Part of me expects him to prod me for more context but what happens is out of character.

Loki sits beside me, in the bed, and pulls me to his chest in a hug. "No reason to be sorry, pet. It's okay." He coos as his fingers roam through my hair, soothingly. I can't push away my feelings right now and his comfort is something I greatly need. I lean into him and try to steady my breathing to the rhythm of his.

We stay like that for, what appears to be, a long time before anything is said. "Loki, how did you know I had a nightmare?" I ask.

"I heard you crying out. Given the fact that you've told me of your occurring nightmares, I didn't want you to be alone again." I was crying out? "Yes. You actually..." He answers and I realize I must have thought out loud.

"I, what?" I ask.

"Never matter. What were you dreaming about?" I want to tell him but I don't want to scare him away. I don't want him to think I'm crazy and I definitely don't want him to know that he's a big part of my nightmares.

I shake my head and he sighs. "Y/n? Please, talk to me. I want to help you." Giving in, I continue to hide my face in his chest so he can't see me and I can't see his expressions.

"My nightmares are about the Chitauri core. I always end up hurting, even killing, people in my dreams and there's nothing I can do to change it. There's no escaping what's a part of you." I don't go into details because I feel like that's a discussion for another time and I don't feel comfortable enough to expose that part of myself just yet.

"Oh, pet." Loki sighs, leaning back for me to look at him. "You need not to fear this. I won't-, We won't let anything hurt you."

Pushing away from his body, I feel the fear creep up again. "No, it's not that! Can't you see, Loki? I'm scared of hurting people. I don't want to be that, especially against my own will."

"Y/n, you will never, ever, be that kind of person. You are more than strong enough to choose your own actions and be who you truly are." My heart flutters at his words and his blue irises twinkle at me, almost affectionately.

"Thank you...Loki." I softly say, not able to think of a better response.

He chuckles at me and moves to leave the bed. "Don't leave." I say quickly, not thinking it through. Did I seriously just say th-

"As you wish, pet." He replies, coolly. Swiftly, he moves back beside be and we both look at each other for a long moment. "Get some rest, Y/n." I go to protest but he shushes me. "I'll still be here when you wake up."

"Loki, you don't have to-"

Once again, he quiets me and I huff in defeat. Laying down, I look over at him and I'm acutely aware of the space between us. My eyes start to grow heavy with every passing second but I fight against it.

Loki doesn't miss this and he smooths over my hair. "Sleep, please." His voice is soft and I imagine falling asleep to his voice would be pleasant. As my eyes flutter closed, I hear him speak one last time. Loki says it so softly, I wonder if I've imagined such words slipping past his lips.

"I'm not going to leave you. I promise."

Part Four Here

Masterlist Here

A/N: Cute? Angsty? Funny? Let me know what you think!!! Ah, I loved writing these. Make sure to follow me for updates!! (Crossed out means I couldn’t tag you! Sorry.) - Ellie-Mae

Tags: @jclements919 @jcalpha1 @immoralquandary @kany-eet @anaswolves @mysticalstarfishpolice

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kusunogatari-a · 6 years

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[ Whims - Favorite Cliche || @sasuhina-renaissance-week ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ]

The wallflower. The broody boy. A tale told a thousand times, a thousand ways. But this is their story, the way they want to tell it.

It starts with a mutual acquaintance. Bullied when he was young, Uzumaki Naruto blossoms in high school. Maybe not the genius his begrudging best friend is, but charismatic, a star of the school basketball team. Always boasting a smile, having time to talk to everyone - his teachers may shake their heads at his homework, but they can’t help but admit: he brings life to the academy halls.

She’s crushed on him since grade school. Hinata, too, was outcast. But rather than bloom in adversity as her idol had done, she shrunk into herself, retreating until she was too unnoticeable to be bothered. From there, she coasted quietly through her classes, earning top grades and teachers’ praise, but still shying from her peers...and hoping to catch some of Naruto’s light.

And perhaps, someday, be noticed.

But her quietude means saying nothing, doing nothing but watching from the sidelines.

Much as he does.

Sasuke, unlike his companion who revels in attention, attempts to repel it at any cost. When he was young, it was his parents’ death that earned him stares. As he got older, it was shallow appreciation of his looks. Though the former has faded with time, the latter still sees him retreat at any given opportunity...except when Naruto’s iron grip around his shoulders keeps him pinned in place.

They notice each other - he her background reverence, and she his unwillingness to belong. Each of them pine for what the other possesses. She wants Naruto’s acknowledgement. He wants to be left the hell alone.

But such things aren’t so easily traded.

Sasuke tries to point her out. Naruto can’t be bothered. And given his own crush’s adoration of his best friend, the blond can’t make a move. Sasuke insists he doesn’t care - would be glad to be rid of her attention.

But no one ever listens to him. Naruto ignores his vying for peace and quiet. Sakura ignores his rejection again and again.

Hinata sees. Hinata pities. Hinata envies. She can’t build the courage to talk to Naruto...but her anxious heart has no qualm when Sasuke seeks her company instead.

She does ask why. He replies, “You’re quiet. I’m tired of the noise.”

She wonders how one tires of the sun.

And finally, Sasuke finds a way to escape them. Naruto doesn’t follow when Hinata’s around. He knows about her infatuation. Doesn’t want to hurt her feelings...so he pretends they don’t exist. The blond’s kryptonite is a little cruel - part of Sasuke regrets using her as a makeshift shield. But he can’t deny he appreciates the change of pace.

She’s never had someone to listen before, and he’s not the type to tell. On she’ll ramble, about this and about that. Finally, she can tell someone about what weighs heavy, and assume he doesn’t care enough to use it against her. True, at first. But one can’t help but worry as her offhand comments sometimes tinge a little...dark.

She lost her mother young. Her father is haunted by her face, so similar to his wife’s. Her sister begrudges her her time with the woman whose life she took through labor. Her cousin ignores her: was the first to turn his back in middle school. She’s alone, she says. She’s fine, she says.

It hurts, she whispers.

What starts as a one-sided tide turns into a back and forth. He talks of parents long dead, a brother so far ahead, and having his hurt seen as something simply edgy and ‘cool’.

He admits he wishes they’d know that pain. See how ‘cool’ it is then, when your heart is bound in ice, colder than their dead bodies.

Naruto had been the same, once upon a time. But he’d sought something to fill his void. Sasuke reveled in it. Nothing could sate it, so he fed it himself. And in her, he could see it growing. He wondered when it would eat her, too.

And then, it nearly did.

His hope, months ago, now turned to a horror. They caught them lip-locked, tongue-tied behind the bleachers. Hinata stared. Turned. Walked through a fog of heartbreak.

There was no apology.

Sasuke followed. Didn’t speak. Hinata knew Sakura had chased him. Naruto chased her. Hinata chased him.

She doesn’t see him following her now.

Foolish, she says. What she deserves, she says.

“No.”

Hands take wrists and eyes pin eyes.

He refuses.

“No!”

Stop bowing to other’s whims, he says. Stop pining for attention no one wants to give you. Your father’s, sister’s, cousin’s, crush. Stop chasing what won’t turn to see you.

Stop and see what sees you now.

…

She stares.

…

How long were they strung along in this chain? Each link following the other, hoping to get what’s ahead and refuting what comes behind? Sakura turned to see Naruto.

Maybe she should turn around.

We’re alone, he says. It’s fine, he says.

It doesn’t have to hurt anymore, he whispers.

...this is super different than a lot of things I’ve done (at least lately), and...I actually really like it. It was mostly stream of consciousness - I edited maybe a word or two, but otherwise just went and didn’t stop lol If unclear, it’s about the classic love...square? these four are so often put in, put into a modern high school setting. Sakura after Sasuke, Naruto after Sakura, Hinata after Naruto. And then, Sasuke circling back around after Hinata. It’s hard to see what’s behind you if you never look back ;3 Anyway, it’s a bit short, but honestly I think it’s best this way. Hopefully y’all enjoyed it! <3

#uchiha sasuke #hyūga hinata #sasuhina #best years of your life [ au ]#sasuhinarw #sasuhinarw18

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embarrassingcomics · 6 years

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Here’s some of my recent artwork! Here comes lots of personal updates and rambling. Skip to the last few paragraphs for the TLDR; Skip to the very very last paragraph for the ultimate TLDR;

Hi everyone! I remember some time ago I decided to try to get back into a steady routine with producing content. My intent was comic-leaning content since that's what this whole Tumblr was made for, and what all of you started following it for. The thing about me is that I've struggled my whole life with issues relating to anxiety, ADD, motivation, self esteem, etc. The result is a lot of me not bothering to start anything for reasons I can't really explain. It feels a lot like an indescribable force that cancels out feelings of motivation I have. I'll go through periods where I have gumption again and that's when I post promises of "starting again" and uploading regularly.

I apologize that I haven't held up to those promises. Now, I realize that Tumblr is a very passive delivery system for content. You follow someone that looks like they have interesting work and you can forget about them. So out of all my followers, I really don't think there's a lot of you that think "What ever happened to that Everything is Embarrassing guy?" So maybe this whole post is just waxing into the void, but it feels nice all the same, and hopefully a few of you care enough about my work to recognize one of my posts in your feed!

Lately I've been going through a lot of life changes for the better. I've lost (and am losing) about eighty pounds. I got some therapy. I've been using positive affirmations in the mirror. I've changed my medication a little, which has alleviated some of my anxiety issues, and am now trying out ADD medicine (And let me tell you baby, that shit is euphoric at first. It felt like I had been living without all of my senses my whole life and suddenly everything was in color and had new depths and textures. I felt like I could outsmart anyone and do anything I wanted. For a few weeks I was the happiest I've, maybe, ever been in my life. Or maybe I was just able to climb out of the anxious and depressed stupor I've wallowed in for the last decade, and it just felt like a new level of life. Either way, it was amazing. That has waned and now I feel just fine. Not euphoric, but functional and fine. Depression and anxiety still exist and creep in from time to time but I feel like I'm on a very positive path toward a happier life.

WOW, I didn't mean for this to be so long-winded. I guess I just opened the flood gates.

Here's the point of this whole dang post: I haven’t been completely inactive, I just haven’t done comic strips. I’ve been drawing, trying to find myself artistically, and doing work on a fan project related to the Welcome to Night Vale podcast. I wanted this Tumblr to be a homepage for Everything is Embarrassing, so I avoided uploading anything that wasn’t a comic strip. My feelings have since changed and I realized it’s better to put content out, even if it doesn’t adhere to the webcomic formula. So while I’m still very much interested in webcomics and EiE, I think it would be foolish to not try to foster a relationship between people who were kind enough to follow my work. You guys absolutely deserve to at least see what I’m doing and feel involved in my growth. Doing EiE was one of the most artistically fulfilling things I’ve ever done, and the attention it got touched me tremendously. It made me feel worthy, and that’s something I’ve always been in shortage of. So count on this: Occasional updates with drawings or jokes and what-have-you.

If you’d like to look at that Night Vale fan project, here’s a link. It’s done as a newspaper in the world of Night Vale. I’ve done the writing, GRAFFIX and illustrations, and my friend is a co-writer. If you’re not familiar with Night Vale, it’s a small town where weird, scary, and surreal things happen, but it’s played off as normal for the people there. I would hesitate to call it horror. I think I would call it comedy/weird fiction. If you’d like to see other things I’ve done, I have an Instagram page where I’ve done comedy video bits and pictures. You can put it in your eyeballs and ears if you want to, but that’s totally your choice.

Thanks for reading, and if you didn’t read, well you’re reading this, and that’s good enough. If you aren’t reading this, you don’t know what I’m saying, but I’d still like to project thoughts of appreciation in your general direction, so if you feel kind of nice and positive later, it might be because of me. You’re welcome.

Ultimate TLDR; I was here, then I wasn’t here, then I said I would be here but was only kind of here sometimes. I’m going to be here more often, but I don’t plan on making biweekly comic updates so much as just posting stuff I’m working on so my followers don’t think I’ve given up on my DREAMZ.

#comics #webcomics #wtnv #sonic the hedgehog #self improvement

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pretty-volatile · 3 years

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Sunday, January 10, 2021 4:19 am

I hate how often and how easy it is for me to change my mind to write or vent or journal. Sometimes its like I can think all the thoughts in my head but my hands or the process of typing is a barrier from my free flowing thoughts. I can’t keep up with how often it changes and how many typing errors I fucking make, which I kind of like typing on my phone because of the auto-spell or correct, I can just press the word I’m starting to type and I can just move on faster to keep up with my train of thought. I have so many head conversations either with myself, or with an imaginary therapist, or rehearse what I wish I could say to someone else about what’s going on or what happened or how I’m doing, but I never say anything because it’s too much and I feel like a bother. I can carry on and on and on about shit, but not a lot of people have time for that and sometimes I even tire myself out from all the thoughts and conversations I have in my head too. So it’s like if I’m this annoyed with myself, I can only imagine how others must feel trying to listen or read my rambles. So it just becomes screaming into the void either here or in my head and it’s really fucking lonely. But whatever I guess.

Um check in on like mental disorder(s)/symptom(s),,,,, OCD/intrusive thoughts/social anxiety/anxiety has been pretty yuck lately. Learned that the conversation flashbacks/loops that I get are intrusive thoughts which explain so much, I knew it must’ve been anxiety but now I know it’s my OCD with like a mix of social anxiety, so yay fml right? It makes me jolt. My head twitches. Feels like I’m getting punched/slapped in the face and like a fist around my heart/pressing into my chest/tightness in my chest. It’s usually accompanied by visuals of myself beating myself up. Like I’m the one doing it but also feeling it. It sucks. For bipolar stuffs,,,,,I have no fucking clue right now????? I have a horrible sleeping schedule as always. staying up too late, sleeping in too late, gets in the way of my everyday life. I can’t get enough of it, but it’s so hard to go to sleep and stay asleep and to feel well rested when I wake up!! Most essential if you don’t want me to wake up cranky or grumpy. I’m not suicidal so that’s good, but I am tired mentally and physically for sure. Work is just so fucking exhausting with holidays, good insiders/drivers leaving, training new hires, the fucking pandemic and being one of the few places that are open late and we were only pick up or delivery from the very beginning anyway so business for my boss has just taken off since last year. I really survive off of weed and cigs and my partner and the internet I guess. Should i maybe go on meds for adhd/ocd/bipolar? Yeah probably. Do I want to go back to the same people? I’m nervous. Do I want a brand new person to go to? Even MORE nervous. Like would I offend the other therapists/psychologists if I went to see someone new and had to request info from them? What if they don’t believe my diagnoses and I have to start from brick one? I’m still hurt that the both of them knew I was suicidal and didn’t check in on me when I wasn’t responding or scheduling new appointments. Unless they assumed I was going to go into a manic episode and figured I’d run off/disappear form them anyway?? I’m hoping it’s that and not that they didn’t actually care about me...but that’s also why I would be nervous to go back to the same psychologist. I definitely would want a new therapist if I ever went back just because I want to start new and give a more holistic view and now I know a little more what I need to work on. Kinda. Not really, but better than someone with no therapy experience at all at least. I mean I was seeing her for almost 3 years so...The psychiatrist I had only been seeing for almost a year, which makes me nervous to go back cause he probably just sees me as flaky. Can’t blame him if he did. So yeah I don’t know what kind of mood state I’m in, but I know I’m not in the extremes. Difficulty sleeping, sometimes irritable, executive dysfunction, intrusive thoughts, mentally/physically tired. meh. Like I’m not horrriiibbbllleeee but I’m not great either. I’m just getting by, which is about as much as I can ask for I guess.

There’s one particular incident that happened with my step mom over me giving my lil sister info about LGBTQIA+ stuff and it got out of hand really fast. Looking back I can’t remember much what I said, but I realized I was very emotionally charged/intense/very sensitive and I kinda might’ve said some shit that hurt her feelings and she still hasn’t talked to me since. According to dad I just need to give her time to cool off, but this apology conversation for me feels like I’ll emotionally need a more in depth conversation because it sprung up a lot of triggers and I feel like I just need to talk to her and explain that while I know feelings aren’t facts and I did act out of hand, but they were caused by my certain perceptions be they skewed by my mental disorders or by not knowing the whole picture, I still felt hurt and here’s why I lashed out. Let’s address these things so I don’t do it again, hopefully. Some of it is related to blood vs not blood family, feeling like I was being inappropriate, that she shared with my lil sister that I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my past, it felt like she didn’t trust me or trust that I can be a good influence on my lil sister. It also felt like she was intimidated that my sister would come to me about that stuff rather than her. It felt like an attack on me, which made me last out. Which I’m sure she didn’t mean it, but I would like to think she’s someone I could hopefully address those things with and clear that stuff up. And to also show her why I was how I was in the past and how I’m different and have learned from those mistakes and why she should be able to trust me now. She’s been in my life since I was a small kiddo, but she hasn’t been a part of everything if that makes sense and because I feel like she didn’t have control over what was going on, she is kind of holding that over my head in the way that she reacts to me and kind of how she’s talking with my lil sister, so I want to nip that in the bud as soon as she’s ready to talk to me again and will let me re-explain and re-apologize (but about different stuff that is).

Anygay I’m done typing for now. I’m tired, hungry, and wanna smoke so let’s just pretend this never happened. bye

#journal entry

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valenshawke · 6 years

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If you’re reading this, this is part of my new strategy. I use my blog to vent. A lot of these are me dealing with emotions, feelings, or my mental health. The 3:30 AM post (if there is one) is just a dump of everything I would have been posting in real-time. The 4:00 AM post, this post, is me just rambling about issues that bother me. I post these because I just want to shout into the void. Sometimes that’s all I need. Other times, I need a therapist. I am not at that point. In short, I’m not looking to discuss this with anyone. I just want to yell into the void… and maybe sharing this will help someone else.

I said something to someone last night: We only see about 10% of someone else’s life on Tumblr. I think this percentage varies by people, situation, and method of communication. But you never see anyone 100%. For as much as I argue with people about online vs. in-person communication, this is where I feel more comfortably arguing you simply can’t know everything about everyone. Even if you live with them. And there’s nothing wrong with that. We might not be complex, but no one can fully know what is inside another’s mind. I think social media increases how much you know about someone else’s life… but when we’re talking 5% to 10%... yeah it’s significant. But not a full picture.

Which brings me to the last year… and me. Egotistical to talk about myself, but it’s my blog. It’s been a stressful year this year. For different reasons than 2015. In both cases, I talked to a very select few people about it. This year, it’s been tough financially and I wasn’t able to help some people out like I wanted to… But I did my damndest not to let anyone know. I wasn’t running the risk of bankruptcy or being unable to pay bills. But credit card debt always stresses me out because I try not to carry any. Stupid, no doubt, but it’s the discipline my mom and dad instilled in me (more like Dad to Mom, Mom to Me, since Dad died when I was 9).

But when we’re talking about 10 grand… it means 4-5 months of “austerity.” And stress. And worrying about every goddamn penny. And you know what? I know I didn’t tell anyone until I let it slip last night. In the end, this isn’t a huge deal. When coupled with work, etc… it adds up. And it affects my behavior. And I have been called out on it.

This is not an excuse for my behavior. This is not to say I should be called out on it. While this is an explanation, that’s all it is. I am an asshole and I need to be called out on it. And I guess these last 4 weeks of madness sure made me think...

“Why don’t you talk about it?”

Which really means, “Why don’t you talk to me about it?”

Then I think of the title of a Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood episode, “The Adults’ Way of Life.” And if you’re offended by this, I’m not implying you’re not an adult. Most everyone I talk to is an adult. And we all have varying life experiences.

But it comes down what and to whom I am willing to burden with someone of my problems. And this is where time and experience matter. And me being the old man among the groups, server, and this hell site gives me a different insight than many of you.

Why?

Because I remember what you are going through. As you leave your late teens and enter your 20s or go through your early 20s. You have a lot of problems immediate to that time and place of your life. And you need to deal with them. Christ, I barely dealt with mine. But my ex pretty much turned into her life’s mission to see that I did survive, because that’s all a lot of life is through your late teens to your mid-to-late 20s.

Some people catch a break to go along with their talent. Some don’t.

But the thing between us was… she very rarely ever dumped on me emotionally or talked about the problems she dealt with day-to-day. I was privy to some, but not all. As I’ve gotten older, things stabilized, I have a good-paying job, a roof over my head, etc… she’s told me some problems that she would have never told me 15 years ago or been incredibly vague about as to not worry me.

To say she was, at times, equal parts girlfriend and parent is accurate. But she significantly older than me, so it’s not too surprising.

But 15 years ago, she was just trying to get me to 21. That was the big goal in her mind. First it was get me through high school, then 21, then college, then grad school. Towards the end of the grad school (and several years after our romantic relationship ended), she trusted me enough that I could handle things that she opened up.

The first time I had heard the honest to God fear in her voice about something came after I was 30.

At the end of 2010, life changed irrevocably yet again. Funny how family situations go to hell around the holidays. Both mom and dad end up in the hospital in December, 20 years apart. I don’t talk about it much, nor will I here. But it was enough to send me to therapist, try medication, and “organize some changes in my life.” But it comes up, periodically, and I have to deal. I do talk to 2 people about it though, one because of shared similar experience… the other… well he’s been my best friend for almost 30 years. He is my brother and I am his (and like siblings, since he actually as one, we sometimes hate each other).

I don’t struggle not to talk to people about certain things anymore. It’s easy as long because I trained myself. And it’s not because I don’t trust you. And while it’s cliched to say I don’t want to burden some people: It’s true. Because I am aware of my age and just how much older I am in comparison to the median fandom ages. So I close off some things because there are some things or issues you should not be burdened with at the same time you’re dealing with life during the disaster that is 18-25.

But I do complain about somethings: Friendships, fandoms, etc. Even politics.

Things I don’t? Because I made the decisions that it’s too much for some people to even think about.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t stress me out to the point I am a terrible person (at times). I think the last four weeks pretty much demonstrated that. But I’m not always an awful person. And this isn’t an excuse, nor an apology.

Maybe I will start saying I am stressed out but don’t want to talk about it more often. And maybe that should have been the strategy for awhile.

But what I share on Tumblr, or Discord?

10%

#ValensHawke actual record of complete psychological breakdown

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backalley-requests · 4 years

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Hello, could I please get a Disney and Harry Potter Ship? I’m a straight female. I’m very short (5’0) and chubby. I’m very shy and quiet when I first meet someone, but one you get to know me im talkative and loud. I often talk way to fast. I have a short temper and can get annoyed very easily, and I’m very argumentative (I love proving people wrong). My hobbies include reading and writing, and I could talk for hours about things that I am passionate about!

Yeah no problem!! Thank you for sending in a request! I’m sorry it took a while and I hope you enjoy it!!!

I ship you with.....

Disney

Prince Naveen

The two of you bump heads a lot, especially in the early days. He got on your nerves all the time over his ego and you couldn’t stand how full of himself he was. At this point, he loves when you pop off on people, especially since you’re always so quiet around strangers. There’s something about you speaking your mind and putting others in their place that he loves.

You’re both great storytellers. You just have different mediums. He tells stories through song and music, always oral telling. But you love writing them down in sweet words and decorating the stories to be remembered in perfect condition. It just means that he loves getting to read what you write and he adores sharing it with others. He also gets you into reading your stuff and dancing.

One of the first signs that he began to realize he was in love with you was when he realized he could listen to you talk for hours about all your hobbies and passions. He’s so used to wanting to be the center of attention and adored but you made him want to hear about something else. He also really encourages all of your passions and goes out of his way to support them.

You guys get into competitions and petty arguments to prove who is better at something. Both striving to prove the other wrong. In the end you’ve both learned a good handful of stuff from each other. Neither of you ever truly admit you were wrong but you say it in other ways. He taught you to be more comfortable in yourself and you taught him how to love reading. It goes both ways, and you can hold your own well against him.

The two of you run a public library, dividing the work evenly. You spend half the time getting to write, and he’ll read over your work and give you encouragement. It’s the most lively of a library that could possibly exist and manages to be comforting and warm even during the winter. It’s one of the things you two are most proud of making together and is a monument to what the two of you can accomplish when you take your determination and put it to good work.

He writes short stories for you. They are never any good but you love them nevertheless. It’s a staple present for whenever you’re down or stressed out. He’s improved throughout the years but never sees his own improvements.

“Just admit you’re wrong.”

“Does it look like I’m in any position to do that?” Naveen asked.

You wore a solid smirk on your face, it was smug and it drove him nearly insane. Mostly because he knew you were right and he didn’t want to admit it. “I love you, but this isn’t going to get fixed any time soon at the rate you’re going. It’s hopeless, my love. Maybe we should just head back to town and get a mechanic to come look at it.” The car on the side of the road had steam coming up from it and nearly an hour after this happened Naveen was still at work. You didn’t know anything about cars and you weren’t about to pretend that you did. Naveen on the other hand? Refused to give up and while it started off as kind of sweet it quickly devolved into a mess.

“I know what I’m doing, I think the problem is probably this,” his hand grasped something in the hood of the car, “part,” it broke off and stayed in his hand as he took a step back.

Naveen realized you were right as he sat back in the car with a sigh. “Alright, so maybe I’m not a mechanic. You have to admit though, it was a little charming how hard I tried.” He grinned wildly at you as you crossed your arms over your chest and faked some annoyance

“I’m pretty sure charming is one of those attributes you can’t really apply to yourself.” You sighed and then smiled softly, “let’s just head back to town. You can brag more about your chivalry along the way, if it pleases you.”

It a moment the sky turned dark, grey clouds coating it as the sun was blurred out. A moment later it began to rain. And it poured. “On second thought, maybe we should just camp out here until it clears up” you redacted.

Naveen smirked, accepting his fate quickly. “Well in that case you’re very lucky to be stuck with someone so charming as handsome as me.”

Harry Potter Series

George Weasley

He always brings out the fun in you. At first you seemed shy and quiet but in less than no time you were reluctantly pulled into pranks and before you knew it were willingly apart of them.

You two first meet when you fall victim to one of his pranks. You really thought you hated him in that moment and wasted no time breaking that sweet little girl persona you had when you got angry and told him off. It was hard to stay mad after a while because it was clear to you that George felt horrible about what happened. You weren’t exactly the intended target.

The two of you are so creative and really mesh well together. While you aren’t the best at actually building contraptions you have such a good creative eye and are necessary in creating a good idea for his shop and any of its merchandise. Half the stuff he makes comes from bouncing ideas off of you and you fill the void his brother used to fill.

He started off attempting to pull you out of your shell, something he does for a few people. However the more he got to know the real you the more he fell for you. Fred pestered him about your relationship and eventually, he confessed. Becoming a catalyst for a new mission between the two of them to get you to fall for George.

You were the only person who could pull him back into reality after Fred died. It nearly destroyed your relationship as he fought against your best efforts and you fought back. When the dust settled, you both were all the stronger for it, and he was able to get the help he needed.

He thinks you’re just the cutest thing ever, you’re small and chubby and he can’t get enough of you. You, of course, fight back against his claims but he never relents. He loves just sitting and staring at you as you ramble on for hours about things your passionate about. Sometimes you question if he’s even listening he can recount almost every detail you’ve spoken.

“You know sometimes I miss the days when you were quiet,” George teased as he nudged your side softly. You had spent the past hour delving into your new current obsession. It was actually pretty adorable, he had to admit.

You blushed, feeling embarrassed slightly abojt it. “If you missed them so much then why did you make such an effort to get me to talk at all.” Despite the minor setback you bounced back quickly with a retort, your arms crossed over your chest. You tilted your head up in a pout and looked away.

“Because I didn’t realize you were a siren. Only you could make me sit still for an hour on a lecture about a book— and make it sound interesting.” George complimented you. “Think of all the other stuff we could have done in that hour, yet I spent it all learning about an entirely different world. Have to admit, you got me good though.”

You bit your bottom lip and hesitated, maybe you had gone on a slight rant. As you glanced over at the time it you immediately realized how late it had gotten. “I—” you tried to speak but decided to stop. Had you kept him here too long? Were you really such a bother? “Sorry.” You lowered your head to hide your face.

It shattered George on impact. “You don’t have to apologize!” His face was a bright red. “I got carried away myself just listening to you. You’re just so cute! I didn’t mean it in a bad way.” The two of you were just friends at the time. Just friends, you had to remind yourself on several occasions. But, unbeknownst to you, he had the same talk with himself every night.

The two of you were in a weird zone where every word spoken by the other was clung to for dear life. Even now, you panicked at the idea of upsetting him and he panicked at the fact that his joke came off wrong. Both of you were bumbling fools in an instant. “Oh! I’m sorry! I just thought you meant—“

“I didn’t to swear!” George said shortly.

Your faces were both a bright burning red. In your mind you kept replaying the like— you’really just so cute. Did he really think that about you? Was it just a slip of the tongue. “Did you mean it?”

“Which part?”

There was a tension thick within the air. “That I’m cute?” The silence became deafening but was cut off as a pair of arms wrapped around both of your necks, pulling you closer together.

“There you guys are!” Fred, unmistakable, was behind you guys and clearly grinning. “I’ve been looking everywhere, I didn’t expect to find you guys in the library.”

You and George stared at each other for a moment, blushing like mad. He never did get to answer your question that night.

#hp #george weasley #disney #princess and the frog #ship requests

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totallynotalesbian1212 · 7 years

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Stars, pt. 5

Sorry this took so long, life happened. anyways, hope yall enjoy this!

TW: abuse implied

Eliza could do this. After all, it was just a phone call. She had been working up the courage all day to actually call Eliza, and was finally dialing the number, fingers shaking as she pressed the call button. She held the phone to her ear, her heart beating faster with every tone.

“Hello?” Maria's voice came through the phone, and Eliza held back a sigh of relief.

“Hi Maria!” Eliza said into the phone, hearing giggling from the doorway.

“Hey, how's it going, Liza?” Maria asked, voice smooth and silky, lower than Eliza’s but just as beautiful.

“Eliza’s got a giiirlfriieend,” Peggy giggled, walking into the room. Eliza rolled her eyes and continued to talk to Maria.

“I'm great! Um, I was actually wondering if you wanted to come with me to go skating, Angelica’s taking me. Or if you don't want to do that we could always go for a walk in the park, or a movie, or-”

“Hey, I really wish I could, but I actually have a date tonight, sorry.” Eliza was glad someone had stopped her rambling, but her heart dropped at what Maria had said.

“You, you have a date?” Eliza cursed at how stupid she sounded. Of course she was dating someone! She was the prettiest girl in school!

The pause on the other line felt like an eternity. “..... Yeah, I've got a boyfriend, James.”

“Oh, okay. Well I guess maybe next time. Talk to you later I guess,” Eliza sighed.

“Okay, by Liz.”

Eliza flopped onto her bed, groaning in frustration. “Angie! You didn't tell me she had a boyfriend!”

“What?” Angie peaked in from behind the door, reading glasses still on.

“Maria. You didn't tell me she was dating someone!”

“Oh, yeah, I sort of forgot, sorry Liz. Yeah, she's dating that creepy kid James.” Angie took off the glasses, walking in and sitting on Eliza’s bed.

“What am I s’posed to do? I still like her!” Eliza sighed. Angie just giggled at her sister.

“It's okay, Beth. Listen, I doubt they'll even stay together that long, James is a total dick. And even if they do, I'm sure you'll find another crush to obsess over. Just hang in there, okay?” Angie patted her sister's head, ignoring the sound of Peggy walking into the room.

“And I could always beat James up, then you could take the girl,” Peggy shrugged as if she wasn't talking about fighting a high school boy, “he's no match for the mighty Pegs!”

“Please don't fight anyone, Peggy,” Angie sighed, kissing Eiza on the forehead before standing, “I have to finish some homework now, but good luck, Liz. See you in the morning.”

Eliza groaned before burying her face in her pillow, regretting her life choices.

___________________

John, of course, was dealing with his own phone call. He watched as his phone buzzed to life for the third time, the same number popping up. He had ignored Alex the first two times, but if Alex was anything, he was determined. John figured it was shut him up to answer, so reluctantly he picked up the phone.

“Alex what do you need?”

“Oh good you answered me! I know you told me not to call you because the whole you hating me thing, but I figured that was void now because we talked the other day. I wanted to talk about this thing-”

“Alex, stop rambling. You have two minutes.” John rolled his eyes, hoping this would be less painful than he expected.

“Fine, fine. So, I was wondering if maybe we could go out again sometime? It wouldn't even have to be any commitment, just one date, please.”

John held back an exasperated sigh. “Alex, why do you even want me? There are a million other kids that you haven't cheated on that would be more than happy to go out with you. Just leave me alone.”

“Because I want to date you! John please just listen-”

John expected to feel relieved when he hung up the phone, but the feeling in the pit of his stomach seemed a little more like regret. Why should he care anyways? Alex had cheated on him, turned the rest of the school against him, then expected another chance? He shouldn't care. He shouldn't feel a thing when he gets a bit of revenge. He shouldn't find the offer of a date so tempting. He stared at his phone, debating calling back and apologizing, but before he could Maria's number appeared on the screen.

“Hey Mar, what's up?”

“Hey, John?” Maria sniffled, “Um, so I just got done with my date at James’ house, and I need you to makeup before I go home. Please? I know it's late, it's just my parents and school tomorrow and-”

“Hey, hey, it's fine. Meet me at the window. I can do your makeup then you can go home”

“I swear I owe you my life.” Maria managed a laugh through the phone, which somehow sounded sadder than her sniffles.

“Hey, what are friends for?”

___________________

Maria walked into John’s backyard, chocolate bars from a gas station down the street in one hand, ice pack pressed to her right eye in the other. She figured if she was going to bother John this late, she should bring some sort of gift.she knocked on the side of the house, taking the ice off her eye.

John opened the window, dropping a backpack to the ground before climbing out himself. “Hey, rough night?”

The tears she had tried so hard to keep at bay came back to her eyes as she nodded, hugging him as he opened his arms. “Hey, it’s okay, you’re here now, you’re safe.”

She sniffled before pulling away slowly and nodding. “I know, I’m fine, I just need this covered up before i go home so my parents don’t see.” She pointed to the bright purple bruise over her eye.

“Did he do this?” John plopped onto the grass, opening the backpack and unpacking its contents aggressively. “You know you could just leave him. You could find a new beard, or you could just say he was a jerk and leave it at that. I worry about you, a lot.”

Maria shook her head, the tears only coming down harder, she couldn’t leave him, not yet. It was the only cover she had to stay in the closet. Everyone already hated her, she didn’t need to give them another reason. It was easier this way, get pushed around a bit but have her identity protected.”You know I can’t do that. Someone will find out. I just can’t.”

“So what? Maria, no one cared that I was gay. Literally no one will care.” John found the bottle of color corrector and began dabbing it on the bruise, making Maria wince. “This really can’t keep happening! He’s hurting you!”

“But he loves me! He said he does! He cares about me, and he’s trying to help me. He doesn’t want me to be outed. Either way, I don’t have a choice. I have to stay, there’s nothing else I can do.”

“If he does this again I’m breaking you two up myself. This can’t keep happening. I don’t care what I have to do, fight him, get a guidance counselor to listen, anything that has to happen. I can’t let you keep getting hurt like this.”

Maria sighed and started to argue, but sighed and nodded her head. She would just have to be more careful, not upset James. She let John finish her makeup before getting up and dusting herself off. She threw John one of the chocolate bars. “Here, I figured I’d better give you something to repay you, thanks. I’ve gotta go before curfew, but I’ll see you monday.”

“Bye Mar, love you.”

Maria thought about Alexander on the walk home. She had seen him as her escape from James. Just sleep with him once, and the entire school would think she was straight. So she made out with him, one night in some sophomore’s bedroom that she thought would be the solution to all her problems. She was drunk and lonely and depressed and damn she just wanted a way out. Then James found out. He told her it would never work, that it would never convince them. One wrong move, and everyone would know. So she stayed with him. Now here she was, bruises and all, completely helpless. She couldn’t just walk away, could she? There wer to many things resting on her, too many traps around her. She was paralyzed and she couldn’t do anything about it.

But what if she could just walk away? What if no one really cared. She could ask Eliza out, she could stop hiding, she could be herself! No. that could never happen. The world was stacked against her, and happiness wasn’t a possibility. She didn’t deserve hap she would never reach it.

#marliza #stars #maria reynolds #eliza schuyler #alexander hamilton #john laurens #yall enjoy this #Also im sorry for any mistakes #im trying to keep on schedule and failing oops

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lia-nikiforov · 7 years

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Weekly Anime Rambling Re: Creat...ive Conceit

Another week of getting everything mixed up because my viewing schedules are a disaster hahaha! is it very obvious i’m running out of puns

The season’s drawing to a close, and it looks like every show is rushing at full-gear to wrap up all their loose ends or end on a good place before the season break. Which means a lot of shows are doing shitfests and I have A LOT OF WORDS

I haven’t talked much about Fate/Apocrypha in this feature but I must shamefully admit I’m enjoying it way more than I expected. I’ll talk more about that in my final season rundown, so for the time being I’ll just say Astolfo is my waifu and if you use the T slur to refer to them I’ll gut you alive.

One show clearly struggling to meet its planned middle-point is Altair, with the past two episodes breezing through plot points like a speedcourse on acquiring new party members for Mahmut. The production itself is also clearly suffering, finding an in-model shot of any given character woud be a challenge. I did like the latest episode because we’re finally getting to see more political nuances beyond “Evil empire wants to conquer the world”. I also really liked how they brought the Prenses into the fold by emphasizing her importance in the political moves they’ll carry out next, and that she was the one to come up with them was specially great

Giving female characters agency? What, Like it’s easy?

I’m not even gonna talk about episode 10 of Ballroom because it was so boring I hardly remember anything about it except thinking “is there ever gonna be any dancing” (the answer was no). But I am going to talk about episode 11 because god was it frustrating.

Firstly, this was the episode that featured the most and probably best dancing animation of the entire show. Unsurprisingly, even then it’s overshadowed by the abuse of stills and audience shots. Whatever little magic and good-will they manage to create with, for example, a neat shot of Tatara and Mako hopping is almost instantly voided by a full minute of still frames. Let 👏 me 👏 see 👏 the 👏 fucking 👏 dance 👏 gdi 👏

Of course it wouldn’t be Welcome to the Ballroom without at least a very fine layer of casual sexism and neglecting the female characters entirely, this time awfully noticeable in the second half where all the focus is on Tatara and Gaju having a load of fun with their dick measuring contest! Wait, what do you mean ballroom dancing is a pair sport?

If you ask this show, Ballroom dancing is a sport about men being cool while dragging around women who have no fucking idea of what the fuck is even going on. Add to that all the harping on how “it’s the lead that makes or breaks a pair” “if the leader is bad the pair will look bad” because I guess the follower doesn’t ever matter.Or how only the boys are dead tired after the event, because I gues the girls weren’t dancing at all, what a relaxing job it must be to be a female in competitive ballroom dancing, you don’t have to put in any effort at all!

Also the music choices are atrocious which is finally explained by the Production team revealing they thought the audience would not like “old” music -because I guess the audience is too stupid or smth- so instead they went for completely inappropriate pop-rock themes instead! Maybe don’t underestimate your audience if you want them to buy your produc! (source)

But okay, after god knows how many episodes, the Tenpei cup finally ends, Gaju and Shizuku win but Mako wins Queen of the Dancefloor! At least some recognition fo Mako’s dancing skills, that even in spite of Tatara’s sloppy dancing she managed to outshine Shizuku through her own talents! Wait, hold on, what’s that?

FUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUU SHOOOOOOW

Adding insult to injury, Gaju doesn’t even apologize to Mako for treating her like crap. In spite of his scummy attitude, Gaju seems to be a good sport, so I thought at least he’d “officially” ask Mako to become his partner again, but no such luck, it’s her who approaches him first. Fuck you again, show.

I also have a lot of thoughts about the garbage treatment of Shizuku, but I’ve talked about the show enough in this week, so that’s another post.

Oh yeah, Vatican is... the expected mess I guess lol. I have literally no idea of what is going on anymore but...

I want some of that cocaine too bruh (i’m kidding, don’t do cocaine my friends)

Also, Made in Abyss is great but can we please drop all the pee jokes.

I’ve technically already watched the final episode of Re:Creators, but I want to address the penultimate episod which is the actual resolution of the conflict because it’s not only a convoluted mess (and if I went into that in detail I’d write thousands of words), it’s ultimately a betrayal of the show’s opening promise.

To elaborate, Sota’s first dialogue is something along the lines of “I’m not the protagonist of this story. This story is about her”. At first I thought it meant Selesia too bad she died meaninglessly and without really doing anything for the story like 99.99% of the creations :’D, but we later learn he’s talking about Setsuna, for whose death he feels guilty yadda yadda Potato McBoring manpain.

But then the show decided to make Altair so ridiculously and unbelievably overpowered that the only way to defeat her is the very predictable “create Setsuna” and this is where the show betrays itself

Because even if the resolution is that Setsuna and Altair go off into this some other world to live as abstract creations happily ever after, the actual emotional climax of the episode is after they disappear:

This is a massive slap in the face to everything the show was trying to do and to Setsuna’s character. Basically she’s stripped of her agency and becomes a figment of Sota’s creation. Sota who abandoned her when she was going through the hardest of times, now gets to be -even if briefly- her creator, her god, and he takes the credit for being the amazing creator that save the world. He even says it out loud in a culminating moment of disgusting conceit.

The whole purpose of the story, of the show, as it turns out to be, is to satisfy Sota’s ego. Setsuna is literally fridged for the sake of Sota’s manpain. This was never a good show, but until now it just felt like a lot of poorly executed great ideas. This, though, is basically giving up on any pretention of being “different” of stepping away from “Blandy McBoring protag saves the world because no one else but him can do it, he is so special”, and it’s made even worse because of the context of Setsuna’s death and the meaning of being a creator. Ugh, I’m coming short of words so I’ll just leave it at this was already a mediocre show and somehow they managed to go all the way and make it terrible.

And now another show that is sadly crapping the bed for its last hurrah, and one I’m very sad to be dissing like this. Yup, I’m talking about Virgin Soul

It’s like 10 episodes late and all the reward we get for waiting so long to hear Charioce’s motivation boils down and awfully rote and predictable to “Bahamut killed my mommy so now I kill Bahamut”. Next we know Charioce’s mom was also named Martha I guess. The explanation is also delivered in the most transparently expositional dialogue possible and seems like a very last-minute attempt by the writers to paint Charioce in a sympathetic light because they realized too late they hadn’t given him anything for the audience to like him beyond his romance with Nina. Somehow their explanation doesn’t even address the genocide against the gods or the enslavement of the demon race, and it seems every insinuation of Gabriel being shady has been forgotten too. Okay...

It’s sad because this feels like a hugely missed opportunity. The first half of the series painted the possibility of a tri-racial conflict in which all sides were to blame, but instead it seems like it was all a fabricated conflict to pad the way so they could have a three-way confrontation bombastic finale, but with none of the nuances and grey morals it initially promised. The characters are still great, but I’m very sad that the story has been reduced to an uninteresting, predictable cliché that doesnt even quite work with all the previously established ideas.

Oh well, the season’s almost over. Next week should be my last Rambling of the season before my Final Review and I also somehow gotta find time to post about my most anticipated shows for the fall. Fun!

#weekly anime rambling #summer anime #welcome to the ballroom #shingeki no bahamut virgin soul #re:creators #oof what a long post #i had a lot of feelings and frustrations about ballroom and re:creators #and virgin soul to a lesser extent #like the plot twist itself is torrible but the characters at least are great

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