#I feel like I'm screaming into the fucking void with this

[prick-love-for-arting]

... Mhm

#haikyuu!! #fan art #sketch #yahaba shigeru #traditional art #haikyuu art #vent art #idk if it actually is but its there in case people dont want to see that kind of stuff #anyway im going to rambling about projecting for a bit because im not feeling so hot rn #1 its low self esteem hours for... reasons I'd rather not disclose because i dont need others feeling bad about it anyway blah blah blah #constant feelings of being undesirable and like im not valuable for just myself throwing that onto Yahaba and his relationship to oikawa #2 i feel very guilty about the way I'm feeling atm because other people are very happy and i just feel like im making things about me being #sad if i say anything to those involved #3 i hate asking for attention and feeling like I'm going out of my way trying to get it when everyone else seems like it just fucking #happens to them instead of searching for it #man maybe getting bullied in middle school did have a lasting impact on me #drawing my boy crying keeps me from crying!! #screaming and crying and whatever else goes with it #anyway... #mutuals please dont ask me about this i just needed to throw it out into the void

[applepies-and-starlight]

I feel like a fucking idiot.

I'm part chinese, I know the vaguest amount of chinese, I've even taken mandarin classes throughout my life...

Yet somehow, somehow, I failed to realize that PM (may have) made a double-meaning joke with the 'hong' in Hong Lu's name meaning 'red'

#void screaming #limbus company #mandarin is a... strange-ish language #i say this because its syllables are very limited #meaning that a single word can mean a dozen different things #so it's heavily dependent on context #it's easier to tell in writing though #since those words (while still sounding the same) will have different ways of writing (hanzi) #hóngsè (red the color; 红色) and hóng lù (grand jade (according to google); 鸿璐) have different hanzi for the 'hong' portion of their words #but they still have the same tone signal (second tone; ó) #so technically #without proper context you could interchange both words for each other #and this may or may not tie back to how hong lu's source is called 'dream of the red chamber' #and it may also tie into how his base e.g.o. is him chucking a red ribbon at his enemies #(i feel like i'm completely off the mark here but like fuck it) #(food for thought wahoooooo) #hong lu lcb

[rayne-the-neutrois-nerd]

Still super fucking pissed about how basically everyone's story is wrapped up nicely, or at least in a that makes sense for their character, and we know what they're doing with their lives after the Dominion War and such.

EXCEPT FOR JULIAN SUBATOI BASHIR WHO THEY JUST EXPECT US TO BELIEVE IS TOTALLY FINE STAYING AS CMO ON THE STATION WHEN A WAR JUST ENDED AND LIKE A BILLION PEOPLE ARE DEAD OR INJURED ON CARDASSIA!?!?!?!? DESPITE ALL OF HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT SHOWING HIM DOING THE EXACT OPPOSITE LIKE IN THE QUICKENING OR NOR THE BATTLE TO THE STRONG??!?!?

JULIAN WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO HELP THOSE PEOPLE AND YET HE JUST WALKS AWAY FROM CARDASSIA!?!?!?! FUCK IF HE WAS ORDERES BY STARFLEET, HE WOULD RESIGN ON THE SPOT TO HELP WITH THE RELIEF EFFORT!!!! LIKE WHY DID YOU PUT HIM DOWN THERE, ON THE SURFACE, READING CAUSALITY REPORTS, JUST TO HAVE HIM NOT DO ANYTHING!?!?!

AND THEN GO BACK TO THE STATION AND ACT ALL HUNKY DOREY LIKE A WAR TOTALLY DIDN'T JUST END AND A WHOLE PLANET IS SUFFERING!?!?!

Fuck off.

#ds9 #julian bashir #I'm sorry it just makes me so fucking mad how they treat bashir #it feels like the writers saying 'oh yeah i guess he's here too' #seriously if anyone wants to scream with me the void is right here

[dandunn]

'don't ship that, ship THIS'

'why are people focused on THAT when they could look at THIS'

'bad media literacy nuance reading comprehension-'

'why is NO-ONE writing fic about-'

#Whenever I try to engage in fandom I wind up feeling judged and anxious #Idk if I'm getting old or if it's a general change in the landscape of social media #But man whenever I poke my head out of my group chat I just can't stand it!!! #Does anyone remember that fandom was supposed to be fun. #I sure dont #And for that matter instead of screaming into the void about no one making content of x #Why not go make it yourself #this has all gotten exacerbated by a certain popular food anime I will say #It really was more bearable when it wasn't popular #There's a certain kind of entitlement around about pointing the finger at writers and artists for not making a certain type of content #And it's like man!! People are only gonna create what we have interest in and not what the current fucking hot button pairing is #We are not being paid for it so if you want something specific you can do it yourself

[firenati0n]

so I learned today that my dissertation that I thought I monumentally fucked up actually got the highest mark I could have achieved, and I am now the proud owner of a master's degree, and I may be getting fucking published, and a year's worth of tension and stress is finally starting to seep out of my body, and my nervous system can maybe have another fighting chance at regulating (unlikely), but—

The first thing my friends and family said to me was "proud of you!" and in the same breath they all, independently, said "you better also be proud of yourself" and then my mother said "your happiness always seems to be short-lived and fleeting, why is that?" and then she hit me with a "you stress yourself out to the point of illness and work yourself crazy only to enjoy none of the results" and—

boy howdy was I at a loss for words because she's right and i hate hearing my close friends and family echo the same sentiment of: I simply do not allow myself to enjoy any fruits of my labor???? I will bleed myself dry for validation and achievement and praise and love and then feel completely fucking insane for even wanting it in the first place.

It's why I stopped writing, why I abandoned so many threads. I wasn't getting any validation. I felt totally worthless.

and then I feel depths of shame previously unexplored at my Big Age for wanting some rest and peace (ironic that i beat myself up for wanting to recharge after I literally studied psych and wellbeing and the importance of rest!!).

I guess I just feel selfish for wanting to celebrate myself sometimes. And feel unable to be happy for myself because I hate boasting. So I'm going to hold myself accountable and say that I'm proud of all I've overcome to get to this point in my life, a point I did not anticipate being at 5 years ago, or even a year ago.

Onwards and upwards. 💛

p.s. I could not have finished that fucking dissertation without the emotional support of the gazillion rwrb fics I read throughout my writing process. I genuinely used ao3 as a coping mechanism and a rewards system for me to power through what was probably the hardest year of my life (for many reasons beyond academic).

to all of my writer/creator/artist/friend mutuals and the general rwrb fic/art community (I know you won't see this but i love you all the same), please know that any gratitude I express will never be enough. if I've ever screamed in your inbox or comments sections, know that it comes from a place of deep, genuine, at times debilitating emotion. y'all literally kept me afloat during some of the worst months of my life. You continue to keep me afloat. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I know your words, and that is a privilege.

#sorry for the wall of text #I just needed to scream into the void for a second to people who do not know me but may understand me? or not #just feeling super fucking weird right now like I'm struggling to view this objectively good thing as good because of the constant brain ro #supplying me with 600 other stressors more pressing than celebrating my one achievement #idk all this to say i am proud of myself and i worked so hard to be where i am right now #but i feel like crawling out of my skin simultaneously #personal #words #now I'm off to read an angsty fic to help me cope with today's brain worms adios #my post #roop writes

[toomanywordsnllines]

What if Ghost wears his mask because, after all the torment his father rained on him... he got the nervous tic of smiling AND laughing...

He starts getting nervous and his lips start to twitch up into a smile.... He can't stop it. It just... happens

Someone can be brutality killed in front of him but because of his father, his lips just twitch into a smile instead of a frown or grimace. It doesn't reach his eyes so no one really knows it, but he feels disgusted with himself anyway. Smiling and laughing at someone suffering? "What kind of monster are you Simon?"

#like taking in count what i know of the comic his father does make him laugh at a dead lady #i also think he probably laughed too when nervous but he trained really hard out of it after... one quite terrible encounter #everyone likes to imagine he has gasglow smile scars right? #so what if he gained them because he was smilling uncontrolably while being tortured so they were just like: #'why not make it permanent' #hello hi yes :D i love making the blorbos suffer #am i projecting? a little #i do laugh/smile when I'm nervous sometimes #and it's the worst fucking feeling cus... you can't control like your face It acts before you think and it's hard to put it back to 'normal #BUT GOD #GHOST ASSOCIATES SMILLING TO ONLY TERRIBLE FEEELINGS/SITUATIONS #SO IMAGINE WHEN HE MEETS JOHN SOAP MCTAVISH #THE PERSONIFICATION OF A SMILE #imagine ghost learning through soap that it's alright that HE'S alright because he can't control it #and imagine that because of soap he starts smilling besides when he's nervous #he starts getting genuine ones at Soaps stupid jokes #and the day he laughs??? he hasn't laughed in so long he subconsciously stops himself #but soap is just looking at him stars in his eyes 'please do that again' #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH screams into the voide the things these two make me think about #cod #call of duty #cod mw2 #call of duty modern warfare 2 #call of duty ghost #call of duty soap #(he's in the tags BUT HE'S HERE) #simon ghost riley #john soap mctavish #ghoap implied in the tags #manyrambles

[thepetesimp]

I debated myself a lot about speaking my mind on Tumblr, because I wanted to keep my blog drama free and focus only on VP/Pete thoughts. But it's 9am rn and I feel tired, physically and emotionally, so I might as well get this over with. I support Build. I support him with all my heart. What is happening to him is cruel and inhumane and an attempt to fully destroy a man for some past mistakes and wrong choices, as if every other person on the planet is some saint who hasn't sinned once in their lives. If you want to believe he's some terrible monster, you do you but do it privately or not at all. Move on with your life pls, for the love of God. Now that I made the antis want to block me, I might as well make Build fans want to block me as well. I support BOC. I support Pond. Yes, really. I could explain in grave detail why that is but I assume just mentioning that will get people to send me anonymous asks saying how horrible I am for that or how I'm not actually a Build fan and I'd rather not spend all my morning writing an essay about why I support who I support. If you feel those things are contradictory or bad, then feel free to unfollow/block me.

#build jakapan puttha #build jakapan #be on cloud #I understand your pain #I really do #I just love both of them #and I want everyone to just move the fuck on #and leave both of them alone #let each of them do their own thing #I feel like I'm just screaming into the void at this point #But it can be cathartic in a way? #Maybe #I hope so

[rainbluealoekitten]

nah but like. this time tomorrow i could be crying and cursing my fate knowing i lost one of my bestest friends. or let's be positive i could be kicking my feet giggling bc he's my bf. but alas. at least i will know and at least i will have tried and it's a formidable demonstration of perseverance and positivity in a world where things seem out to get you

#but my other big stressor is that what if he says yes but just feels like he has to #or he says yes but changes his mind later #like matbe he still loves her idk #fucking. my ex bf still pines over me even though he has a gf who i see every day like #i would hate to be her can you believe that #i know i'm supposed to have faith but it's very hard when i myself have also been betrayed so many times #and ngl! have unintentionally been the betrayor myself!! ik it's not even iut of malice a lot of the time #fuck idk #just need to keep telling myself that it's good for me regardless of what happens #blue screams into the void

[bigbrainbiology]

ahhhh LiNes <3

Anyway thoughts on the new chp below - spoiler warning obviously!

1) Dinosaurs?!?! Both love and despise it. I adore the new coloured art tho and I wish that was the new volume cover art instead. I want a poster of it and I want to Frame it on my wall. I will absolutely be redrawing this one. Are these positive emotions abt the new art style? Disgusting XD

2) Baby Angel Mikaela looks so cute and squishable, I'm adopting this smol child too, he is mine and I'm going to just eat him up like a marshmallow

3) A theory now that I've read this new chp: what if it's present Mika/Yuu's fault that Angel Mikaela was killed?? Like something happened in the past/their memories or they did smth bad to the city, and they were seen by a higher being than Sika and then Angel Mikaela was killed bc of it (bc oh ur future vers caused us trouble so we'll kill your past vers so you don't cause trouble, but that's the whole reason all of the stuff in OnS happens)

OR

alternatively, Angel Mikaela and/or blob Yuu aren't actually supposed to be outside the city, or blob Yuu isn't supposed to be possesing creatures, leading to a higher being killing Angel Mikaela for not following rules.

4) Yuu most certainly has a lizard brain and I love his lizard form

5) For once Kagami-Sensei has given us plot moving forwards (a little, even tho it's ended on another cliffhanger) and I am Unhinged, screaming crying and throwing up, and I will be Hunting this man down to pay for my therapy bills

#fanart #owari no seraph #seraph of the end #mitsuba sangu #digital art #my art #THIS WAS SCHEDULED TO POST TOMORROW BUT FUCK IT I'M HAVING SO MUCH EMOTIONAL WHIPLASH RN AND I NEED TO SCREAM MY THOUGHTS INTO THE VOID #thoughts and feels on the new chp under the read more!! #honestly tho? blob Yuu is peak character design and I will hear no more on this subject XD #anyway #remember when they returned to the JIDA and Aoi was all like 'you're not my sister grrr' #that shit hurted :( #that's the vibes I tried for here #for her expression anyway #but she could also just be Suspicious of idk Guren maybe?

[tardis--dreams]

Embarrassing being an adult and crying over not understanding your homework. I'm 28 years old. This is so fucking stupid

#why do i even care #it's not even like knowing old English grammar is going to help me at all in my life outside of this class #i don't get credit for this class at my home university #i don't even have to do well #i have literally 1000 other things i could worry or cry about #and yet #i feel like an 8 year old having to turn in a half empty answer sheet for homework #who's gonna get scolded and penalized for not having applied enough effort #(or you know a 13 year old or 16 year old or 18 year old #whatever. I'm not in school anymore and i don't have to care about what my professor thinks about me when i don't even #care about the topic/have other things to concentrate on) #also every fucking week i make the same mistake and wait until the day before class to prepare #and find out he's hidden some extra homework at the very end of his lecture #i should just not worry about it so much #who the hell cares #goddammit #void screams

[violet-jessop]

uh oh i'm emerging from the fog i've been rotting in for at least 3 weeks (i genuinely have no idea how long it's been i missed easter and my birthday) and I'm filled with Scary energy

#delete later #as always when i scream into the void #i'm shaking worse than the last withdrawal i went through #and i have a million unread messages #and that ugly little man in my brain says this is a losing game #and i should cut my losses #amongst other things #i KNOW this isn't clarity #but it feels like it #especially compared to where I've been #i have fucking bed sores in 2024 #happy 25 years on this earth #get sick from being unable to get out of bed lol #i can't stop thinking about those little orange berries i found on the front hill #i know they're toxic but i think they'd only kill small mammals #maybe a kid #i went to the supermarket tonight to buy food when i proper woke up and boy #i have never driven so recklessly #and i know in any other day i'd feel bad for putting other people at risk #but i genuinely feel nothing? #oh and i'm covered in cuts and scratches and i have no idea where they've come from? #i don't even think i did them to myself they seem too organic and frantic maybe #only one or two are concerning but yikes #too reminiscent of when i nearly brained myself back in 2019 #i don't appreciate my body doing things i don't remember #there are flowers beside my bed #i don't know where they came from #and i'm sure they smelled nice when they were fresh #but all i can smell now is rot #i wonder if that's what snapped me out of it

[airenyah]

should i just. study theater- film- und medienwissenschaft

#it will keep me stuck here even longer but #i am so tempted #i don't even have to graduate from that like. what if i just signed up and took the courses i'm interested in #go sit in the lectures without taking the exams in the end #it's not like i need the title anyway i already have one BA #who cares if i finish a 2nd one or not #it would be purely for personal interest #airenyah plappert #yeah it's one of those nights where i'm having a crisis about my future career #i need to go work in theater and/or film so fucking bad #that's the only thing so far that has felt SO RIGHT #like dgmw i have fun working with adobe programs and i have a huge passion for language and culture #but neither graphic design as a job #not what we've been doing in my translation classes #has really called out to me as a career #on the contrary. it all makes me wanna scream "I DON'T FUCKING WANNA BE DOING THIS AS A JOB THIS IS A HOBBY TO ME'' #but when i'm at rehearsals? even when i'm super overwhelmed bc i'm doing the shitty assistant director's job as a fucking hospitantin #it just doesn't feel like work to me at all like. i constantly have to remind myself that i have to say things like ''i'm at work'' #or ''i can't i have to work'' bc i keep forgetting that it is in fact work #i have so much fun making sure everything is in order and i love taking care of my actors #and i'm GOOD at it. it's easy for me #god can june just fucking come around i just wanna start rehearsals already #screaming into the void

[musical-chick-13]

It's also just so incredibly frustrating because people will take any example of a (usually male) character being horrible as some sort of "proof" that they're mentally ill (which, hmm, interesting that your automatic explanation for "why do they choose to treat other people horribly" is "they have a mental illness that just Makes Them Act Like That"), but there is no kind of nuanced or critical discussion of media that ACTUALLY (for ill or for good) tries to depict mental illness, and you try to recommend media that handles it well (that might even be good for other, completely unrelated reasons!!) and people just ignore you.

#I'm going to work myself into a Full Rant™ a la the infamous '[this topic] in fiction' essay from two & a half years ago if I'm not careful #so I'm going to stop now. but I just. I want to fucking scream lmao. #honestly...once mental health awareness month hits in may I might just genuinely try my hand at making gifs #just to give stuff some fucking visibility lmao #maybe I'll try to get that 'emotional support dw lady shares my Disorder™ and here's why' fic finished (or the one about lizzie) #maybe every day is me explaining why a different character has a given mental illness according to me #maybe I'll write 3 million essays. idk. I just feel like I'm yelling into the void. I HAVE been yelling into the void for 20 years. #it gets exhausting. and tbh. also very sad. #like at this point I'm seriously considering organizing an event of some kind #but Idk if anyone would even be INTERESTED in that #because they're certainly not interested in anything regarding this topic in general! #In the Vents

[cursedthing]

.havign lots of thoughts about how npcs are portrayed learning about the nature of their universe in works

#ines screams into the void #.most of the feelings were thrown onto evan since like. i dunno feels like a lot of the works like that write the npcs as fi the npcs- #.are actually people from outside the game transported into the game and have points of refrence about this whole thing and react how ''rea #.people'' would react to learning that they were inside a video game #.when really the npcs would prolly react closer to just going yea okay. since that's their world. they have no other world. that's their #.universe. and now they ave a little bit more info about their own universe #.yea they could have an existencial crisis if they knew what it means but also like #.''ooooh that means that i'm not real'' uhm. yea they are. they still are. that world is real from their perspective and continues to be #.real even after the learn about this #.from OUR perspective they aren't! but from theirs? yea! they are! #.also it9 s not like they would instantly know everything about how video games work even if they had no prior knwledge of that #.why would they try to change the fact that they're made out of lines of code #.that's like being mad and wanting to change the fact that they're made out of atoms #.except in their case it's ones and zeros in a computer #.PLUS!!!!!!!!! IN SOME CASES!!!!!!!!!! MAYBE THEY DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT VIDEO GAMES OR COMPUTERS ARE!!!!!!!!!! #.IT ALL DEPENDS ON WHAT SORT OF WORLD THE VIDEO GAME PORTRAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #.IF THE WORLD HAS COMPUTERS IN THERE THEN THEY KNOW A LITTLE BIT MORE! #.IF THE WORLD IS MEDIVAL THEY WOULDN'T FUCKING KNOW SHIT! #.once again pointing at evan and how we threw bunch of our feelings about this onto her #.since like he grew up in a world post combine invasion and like. technoglogy isn't really the best #.like barely anyone has any access to it other than the combine and all that jazz #.so she doesn't know what video games are. maybe has heard of what computers are #.she learned about being in a video game but to him that's the same as learning how our solar system travels through the galaxy and physics #.it's just another little detail about the world thta may explain some things. or maybe it doesn't #.when facing with her code she sees it as her dna. yea she's reading it but she deson't understand a thing in it #.maybe some fragments maybe not #.just like how everyday people wouldn't know how to interpert dna if they already haven't studied about that subject #.and when him getting corrupted. she doesn't know what happened. he just knows that something did. but she can't do anything about it #.and instead just learn how to navigate the world with more difficulties #.like how one would with a pernament injury

[atlasundertheworld]

What characters from pop culture do you identify with?

Uhuhuhuhuhu I'll have to pull out my kin list for this one

As for the more well known characters, I'd say that I HEAVILY relate to Bojack Horseman (don't judge), The Spot (ATSV Version), Lego Batman, Twice (from MHA), Tahani Al-Jamil (The Good Place) and Invader Zim ofc

And for some more niche (?) characters (with who I actually relate more) - Reverend Putty and Ms Censordoll (both from Moral Orel), Mizu (Blue Eye Samurai) and Wirt from OTGW (and obviously my own OCs, DUH!!!)

#surprisingly despite this being a mental illnes vent blog #i don't hc half of these characters as having any of the mental illnesses that I have #I do hc Bojack - Lego batman - Tahani - Invader Zim and Ms Censordoll as having NPD tho #forgot to mention Vasco from Lookism - but that one's a bit outdated I think #said that BES is niche because I dont see it having a fucking fandom I feel like I'm screaming into the void

[applepies-and-starlight]

Hi hi it's 1am here and the thoughts are Not Great so scroll past if you don't want to see the pettiest vent in your life 'k thanks ♡

So you know that post about me being scared about sharing my work if it isn't the popular opinion or anything generally commonly appealing? Yeah so as I was typing out the tags my brain threw a core memory at my face and went "you absolutely know why"

Anywau basically like, i was an undertale fan during the undertale renissance (is that how you spell it?) And i was fucking OBSESSED over glitchtale (until early season 2 + before camila was outed to be a shitbag) and thought glithtale was very very cool

Ankther thing is that i was a chronic deviantart scroller at the tjme (also on google images) and i love lovr loooooved looking at people's art

So i was like "hey i could do that too!" And started making fanart for glitchtale, specifically that final battle part where they're in The Orb™ in s1

I was doing it in school because at this point everyone was basically just hanging out (my elementary's system was 1st grade to 6th grade (i was... 5th grade iirc) And also had this weird systen where the younger half of elementary would go home 2 hours earlier than the older half (1pm), idk why) and like, because there was literally just 4 people here because small school, i showed my wip to the other 3 people present in the area

They made fun of it

Yeag,,

They made fun of. Basically Everything.

The thing that primarily stuck with me was how they teased about frisk's posing and the overall edginess of the piece, but mostly how frisk looked stypid (which, 1. Y'all play fnaf and brag that you're cool though kids you don't have room to talk; 2. It was The Orb™ fight,,, of course it was gonna be edgy,,,,)

It's somewhere in a landfill now, i threw it in the trash and never fished it out... probably decomposed by now, it's been 8 years (holy shit it's been 8 years)

I... think they apologized? Idk i just know they had a "wait shit no-" moment when i threw it in the trash but i was already mad about it so, yeag

Like... i like to say that it doesn't affect me that badly anymore but i'm pretty sure it still is? I literally can't look at my art anymore without thinking of how bad it looks compared to everyone else's and i also am physically unable to Not agree with others (i literally forced myself to hate homura akemi pmmm because a friend didn't see the nuance in her character and just relegated her to "bitch" lmao) and Good Lird i have crippling perfectionism because if 1 person hates it then everyone does right??? Lmao

Deadass nowadays i just can't bring myself to make or share any ideas or pick up anything creative because i HAVE to get it perfect in 1 go otherwise i'll be ridiculed for it; I'm Trying to outgrow these problems but it's jist So Dicking Hard akfjshdjdhr and it seriously doesn't help tjat there was a seperare (smaller) incident where i found one of my drawings crumpled on the floor by someone

Man i'm kinda fucked up am i?

#cw: vent #void screaming #not gonna bother correcting my grammar or spelling for this #too tired to do so lmaooooooooooooo #[this is a filler tag to make sure the rest of the tags are put under the read more button] #man i feel like i'm gonna cry lmao #i'm actually processing this by typing it out and now i just realize how fucked up it was #semi-unrelated but did you know i tried to make art for a teacher by tracing over someone else's art? #it's kinda goofy tbh #iiii also have a tendency to get anxious and obsessively check for a response once i post something... #probably also a byproduct of the incident #who knows #my dumbass is defined by people kicking me around #sooo yeah.